#i am happily MONOGAMOUS!!!!!!

[txrtxglix-lvver]

speakinf of discord, 5BIS STUPID BITCH WON'T STOP ASKING TO CALL AND TEXTING ME ISN'T IT OBVIOUS I AM IN A RELATIONSHIP??? STOP ASKING WHAT I'M DOING. I AM GONNA SAY THE SAME THING EVERY TIME I'M TRYING TO BE DRYYYYYYY AND RESPOND LATE AND MAKING EXCUSES GOD PLEASE GET THE HINT. DON'T FUCKING CALL ME FINNY I BARELY TALK 5O YOU AND KNOW YOU??

[theyellowhue]

Love to know that Prapai, an adult who has his own fancy apartment, basically lives in a room meant to house college kids because he wants to spend time with his non-boyfriend.

We didnt know then but Prapai was ready to bend backward, hang the moon and stars, and steal the british crown for Sky.

[isawken]

hi ken, i have a crush on u

[hancydrewfan]

i recognize that i reblog a lot of pictures of paget brewster and gillian anderson but i am not looking for hot single women in their fifties, actually. give me back the ads for tumblr premium or whatever.

[otembre]

context my type is 110% men with long hair, extra points if its wavy or curly

i have developed a little crush on one of my friends who ive just recently started to get to know better, and he showed me his hair stick on friday when we were all hanging out and now im just down stupid. id pay so much money to see that man with his hair done up with the stick and in like a sharp business casual. button up maybe a sweater. im rarely this bashful but hes very beautiful hahahah. and his hair goes down to his fucking waist and he clearly takes GREAT care of it. dhskjdhfasj

[margaerytas]

Learnt today that I can not wash my hair for almost a whole week & then have it get super messed up via rain & beret

and still get complimented for my hair by a cute waitress in the cat café in Vienna

[findafight]

Rockstar Eddie au in the 90's and there's rumours he is ~homosexual~ right. So the whole band is in an interview, and the journalist asks

"so, Eddie, what do you have to say about those rumours ?"

"what rumours" (he knows exactly what rumours)

"the rumours about you having slept with a number of men. About being, ah, gay? Seeing as you've never had a public relationship with a woman, and some of the songs you've written could be seen as, ah, insinuating things."

(at this point Jeff and Gareth make Significant Eye Contact. They know what's about to happen.)

Eddie nods. "Ahhh. THOSE rumours. Well, gotta say, don't believe everything you hear!" He pauses just enough for the interviewer to open their mouth and interrupts. "I mean," he leans forward with a wide grin, "obviously I am a flaming queer. We know this. [Insert song title here] is clearly about gay sex, duh, I'm not exactly a subtle man. It's the sleeping around stuff that's just plain rumour. I've been happily in a committed monogamous relationship since '86!"

this is obviously not how the interviewer thought any of this would go. They are scrambling. "O-oh? Would you like to... Elaborate on that?"

Gareth speaks under his breath "oh no, now he's not gonna stop" as he looks to the ceiling. Jeff's face is valiantly trying to not smile.

Eddie is vibrating. "Oh absolutely! Okay, so we're from this Podunk Indiana town in buttfuck nowhere, right? Steve and I met when-"

"Eddie please, man. I can't believe you held out this long but we have an album to promote and if you start gushing about Steve we'll be here forever. Please, Eddie." Says Jeff, smiling.

Eddie proceeds to pout as his bandmates ignore his grumbling about never getting to talk about Steve and Jeff and Gareth are like Eddie you waxed poetic about his chest hair in song literally five minutes before this interview. PLEASE let us talk about music I'm sure people will clamour to get an interview exclusively about Steve. You'll have time to talk about him to the press just let us have One Last Interview that isn't just Eddie Talking About Steve Time. Please.

[arotechno]

when i was in school, we read an essay written by a woman detailing the series of destructive spirals that resulted from grief over her mother's passing. many of the things she said did not sit right with me, but by far the most disquieting moment was when she posited this: if given the choice to select five people in our lives to rescue in a lifeboat, each of us, though we might pretend otherwise, would choose quickly and easily.

i don't think this is true at all, and it is, of course, a meaningless thought exercise. a life-or-death scenario in which we are given that kind of control is entirely out of the question, and asking others to engage with such an idea is a cruel endeavor.

that has not, however—and i am deeply ashamed of this—stopped me from longing, desperately and irrationally in the years since, to ask my friends to do just that.

you see, it's not the callousness of her proposal that struck me, nor the fact that it isn't true. what was most disquieting to me was the deeply felt sense it gave me that i was not going to be put in someone else's lifeboat—or at the very least, no one was ever going to put me in their lifeboat first.

it's a profoundly cruel and irrational thought to have, and i'm not proud if it, this urge to make my loved ones promise me they'd choose me, that they wouldn't happily and easily leave me to die, a promise i wouldn't believe anyway. i have enough control over my own tongue not to ask, but still the thought nags, from time to time.

one of the many pitfalls of amatonormativity is this: due to the way society prioritizes romance and monogamous romantic partnerships above all else, it is very easy for your friends and loved ones to set you adrift, to jettison you as dead weight—and oftentimes, they will be seen as justified for doing so.

but my dear friends, i can't swim. and when i think about that boat, pulling away from me through the dark and swirling sea, i think of the waves. i imagine myself slipping under the surface, calling out to that distant boat as it drifts further and further away, and no one hears me. thank god, they'll say. that was easy.

[nooterino]

"System wtf there's lbh is happily married and monogamous now why am i falling into these stupid plots,, oh hi my king could you lend me a hand?"

[poundingprincess]

♡ intro post ♡

Welcome to my blog! ◡̈ I’m a woman (she/her) in my 20s.

I don't want to talk sexually to you, as I am happily monogamous. I will not be sharing recordings or doing calls.

I don't like dark cardiophilia, CPR or resus.

I love the wholesome, romantic and sexual aspects of cardiophilia, which is what my posts consist of.

I am also a switch, meaning I enjoy being both dominant and submissive - kink also tends to creep into my posts/fantasies!

I can either feel super dominant or submissive when listening to my boyfriend’s heart/when he listens to mine, but a lot of the time it’s also just cosy and romantic for me. I equally enjoy listening and being listened to!

I’m currently in the process of working up the courage to tell my boyfriend about this kink… updates are posted quite often :D

Header is not me!!!

[bleucaesura]

STOLITZØ - SEVENTY

The following morning, Blitzø sat on the couch wrapped in a big fluffy blanket. He watched as Stolas shuffled over in his robe and bunny slippers, with two mugs of coffee.

Blitzø unwrapped half the blanket and pat the cushion beside him. Stolas smiled warmly, handed Blitzø his mug and cozied up next to him. Blitzø draped the blanket around Stolas’s shoulders once he had settled.

Stolas grabbed the tv remote and started flipping through channels. Blitzø looked over at him lovingly. When Blitzø went to have a sip of coffee, he realized it was iced. He looked down at the cold drink in his mug, tears welling up unbidden.

F*cking birdbrain…

“Darling?” Stolas looked over at Blitzø. “Goodness! What’s the matter?!” Stolas clambered to get out of the blanket so he could turn to face Blitzø.

Blitzø calmly put his mug on the coffee table. He climbed on the couch and knelt in front of Stolas, putting the owl’s face between his palms and smooshing his cheeks until they fluffed in that adorable way Blitzø loved.

Blitzø smiled happily and gave Stolas a quick light kiss.

“Darling?” Stolas blushed.

“Thank you for seeing me,” Blitzø grinned happily through tears.

Stolas sniffled, tears springing up; he threw his arms around Blitzø and they fell back on the couch laughing, tangled in each other’s limbs, tails and the blanket.

The TV buzzed in the background.

“666 NEWS”

“I’m Katie Killjoy”

“And I’m Tom Trench”

“Ha. Ha. No one f*cking cares who you are, Tom!”

“On our show today we have a very special guest! That’s right! The big guy who put the big ‘O’ in Ozzie’s. The sexiest sin himself. The lustful leader, Asmodeus is in the studio with some scintillating updates on a new product to hit shelves later this month!”

The audience erupted in applause.

Blitzø and Stolas looked over at the TV.

“Welcome your majesty!” Katie clapped enthusiastically as she slid down the news desk to make room for Asmodeus, hip-checking Tom off his chair on her way over.

“Thank you, Katie.” Asmodeus leaned in front of and across Katie and extended a hand to Tom as he was pulling himself back up into his chair. “And great to see you, Tom! We still on for Friday?”

Katie was NOT impressed.

Blitzø had started drinking his coffee and almost shot it out his nose onto Stolas. He started to choke. Stolas thumped his back trying to help him breathe through his choking laughter.

They missed Katie’s next comment through Blitzø’s coughing and laughter.

“Thanks for having me this morning.” Asmodeus smiled his celebrity smile. “If I could be indulged a moment?”

The audience clapped.

“Before I get down to the… Nitty gritty,” Asmodeus winked at the camera and purred in a deep gravely voice. “There’s something more personal I’d like to touch on first.”

The camera focused on him completely.

“As many, if not all, of you know, Fizzarolli and I have gone public with our long term romantic relationship.”

The audience erupted with cheers and applause. Asmodeus smiled unabashedly and waited for the applause to die down.

“And while I embody the sin of Lust… I DO love Fizzarolli. Yes he and I are in a loving and monogamous relationship... Being in love doesn’t mean the lust disappears. I say it makes it deeper, and even more… Pleasurable.”

The sex absolutely oooooozed off of his words. The audience was rapt. Blitzø and Stolas looked at each other, blushing.

“But I digress.” Asmodeus chuckled, breaking the spell. “I’m here to say: I AM a hypocrite.”

The studio filled with gasps, whispers and confused chatter.

Katie, desperate to get back in frame, slid her face along the news desk until she was at Asmodeus’s elbow. “And why do you say THAT, your Highness?”

Asmodeus casually pushed Katie’s face out of frame and continued, unfazed.

“I embarrassed a fellow Royal, and friend, at my club when I called out his relationship with an imp. I was wrong to do so. Not JUST because I hurt a friend.” Asmodeus’s demon flames grew. “But because I don’t AT ALL believe in this elitist BULLSH*T division of classes.” The lights all but went out in the studio as Asmodeus’s flames erupted.

A second later, it was as if a switch had been flipped and Asmodeus was back to his charismatic, charming self.

“So! Prince Stolas? Blitzø?… Owner of ‘I.M.P.’” Asmodeus winked and said conspiratorially behind a hand to the camera.

“I’m truly sorry. And my blessings to you both!”

The studio was silent for mere seconds before the audience erupted in applause and chaotic conversations.

“What…”

“The…”

“Actual…”

“F*CK!”

Blitzø and Stolas traded expletives while starring unblinking and agape at the tv.

“Now!” Asmodeus rubbed his hands together, excitedly. “Who wants to hear about my revolutionary new vibrator coming out next month?!”

Tom raised his hand and nodded enthusiastically.

Katie stomped off set screaming into a phone.

Blitzø turned off the tv.

“Did that just f*cking happen? Or was I f*cking hallucinating again?” Blitzø stared wide-eyed at the screen.

“It happened,” Stolas said just above a whisper.

They looked at each other.

Blitzø threw himself at Stolas, burying his face in his chest feathers.

Stolas fell back, surprised. He hugged Blitzø to him.

Blitzø nuzzled Stolas and hugged him back.

“Is… Is this ok?” Stolas stammered.

“Eez comfy” Blitzø mumbled from his snuggle spot.

Stolas chuckled. He stroked Blitzø’s horns affectionately, feeling somber.

“No… I meant…” Stolas paused, unsure what to say.

“Is WHAT ok?” Blitzø looked up at him.

“That,” Stolas looked toward the tv. “All of Hell knowing…”

“F*ck yeah!”

Stolas was startled. Blitzø grinned at him. His eyes shone.

“Free f*cking I.M.P advertising from Asmodeus on the 666 News?! F*ck YES!” Blitzø pumped his fist and laughed maniacally.

Stolas stared flatly back at him. He hoped he had his best ‘What-The-Actual-F*CK’ face on.

Blitzø grinned at him and burst out laughing. He grabbed Stolas in a tight hug and nuzzled his neck.

“Stolas, you birdbrain…” Blitzø whispered. “I want the whole f*cking universe to know you’re mine.”

*****

[kitsu-katsu]

I was talking with someone about just how canon the ineffable husbands are in good omens and I brought up how Gaiman said that what they have is canonically a love story (which is really reflected in the show, with their moments of vulnerability towards the other, their despair at the thought of losing one another, their comfort with eachother, the way they stick together through millennia even when they're never trying to, etc), but they don't have labels, as they don't have genders and the human conception of intimacy eludes them as ethereal beings that aren't human

And the complications with that

Because this person I was discussing with is not as versed in fandom discourse, and so they're only now finding the vocabulary of "queer baiting" to talk about that Sherlock show

And so they're like "I hope I see Crowley and Aziraphale absolutely eat eachother's mouths, it has to be canonized" and I'm standing here like. It is canon though. Like they won't add some "hetero romance" cop-out last minute. They are canonically in a love story. What's interesting is how the label-less queerness of it can also explore non-binary aspects and an aroace perspective on what "love" is

And they're bummed out because if they don't "absolutely eat eachother's mouths" it doesn't feel as canon to them. And I'm still standing here in aroace like. Bro. There are so many forms of relationships. A kiss on screen doesn't have to make it any more or less canon

But at the same time, from the amatonormative perspective, I get how the kiss on screen is seen as the end all be all. Because in general media, the main pairings will have the kiss at the end. And they will live happily ever after with that

Before the kiss it is only as canon as the kiss is predictable, and after the kiss, you can point to that one scene as "the moment it was canonized for realsies despite even people in the show making constant remarks about this being an obvious thing"

And I kinda hate it

I just wish the whole community wouldn't have to keep its guards up like this so much to discern whether something is coming from a genuine place of wanting to tell a story for a queer audience or about a queer subject or if it's all just a ploy to get our money, spit in our faces, smile at the traditional homophobic crowd and fund some conservative party with it

Because then we wouldn't have to play it by the boring straight rules. If everything points to it being obvious, then why is an intense kiss necessary? Why is it all you want? Why can't this represent a qpr? Or a loving relationship where intimacy in the form of a kiss just isn't something the characters want? Or a more open thing instead of being a purely monogamous arrangement? Or something completely new, a dynamic you can only describe in an essay lest you don't make their chemistry justice?

Aren't all of those just a much more under-thought about queer dynamics than what "I want these characters to kiss eachother until they can't remember their names on screen or else it isn't canon enough" can convey?

But at the same time, without something as concise and strong in media language, how do you make sure it won't all stay in just subtext and the reason it looks like clear text to you is because you're starved for queer stories and have become way too accustomed to reading between the lines?

I mean, it's also been proven to not be an absolute in instances where the text goes ham in letting you know what it's saying, when it's not implying, it is just telling. For one, Rose and Pearl in Steven Universe never did share a kiss on screen, and nevertheless we all know what was going on there

Idk, it's complicated and it's 1am, and this is all just a ramble, but I am in my aroace hating amatonormativity mood and the sentiment that characters being a canon thing without an explicit kiss bums someone out to the point they say "ok, ok, I get the whole nb ace ethereal beings that aren't human idea, but I want something more explicit because it doesn't feel canon enough" when that isn't strictly necessary for the story to get it across just got me in a weird mood and this is about so much more than good omens, I needed to try and word it out and might as well put it out there

Just. Why does queerness have to be allonormative and also amatonormative to be valid in the eyes of the queer masses necessarily? You'd think we'd figured out that queerness goes beyond just the L, G, B and binary T by now

[mincedpeaches]

I have never seen anything but incredible cute cywhirlgate art but knowing how absolutely filled with melodrama cygate was toward the end of the idw run I think cywhirlgate getting together would be so messy at first. Like Whirl joins them on their travels and him and Cyclonus start having a ton of close and intimate moments right. Cylonus is just as dense about as he was when he was first falling in love with Tailgate like "wow I love traveling with my boyfriend who i love very much and also now my best friend who I care for so very very much and have had a charged history with and charged moments with constantly now that surely mean. nothing more" meanwhile whirl is sitting there while Cyclonus tenderly holds his claws as a friend or whatever with a constant internal subliminal monologue like "I am not in love with Cyclonus I am NOT in love with him i dont even like this guy i dont like anyone and I dont want to get in between anything I am not in love with him. FUCK."

MEANWHILE Tailgate is like oh my god am I losing my boyfriend to WHIRL of all people. What is happening here. Like to him Whirl was that one friend that you dont necessarily dislike but youre just cordial with because of your significant other you know. Very third wheel type situations happening for Whirl. But suddenly its not that anymore. And as time goes on Tailgate is letting it get to how he acts with whirl, like being more stand off-ish. And whirl being whirl he cant help but do the same in response. And cyclonus does not notice this. But THEN right as this is boiling over Tailgate and Whirl end up in some Locked Room situation. Where theyre away from Cyclonus on their own for a little while, like days. And things get so heated and angry that they. make out a little about it. have hate sex even. Then after that since theyre STILL stuck with each other in the locked room, they air it out and bond over their shared love of cyclonus and inclinations towards violence and chaos. And break out of their locked room situation with said violence and chaos. Then they get back to an incredibly worried Cyclonus and Tailgate is holding hands with Whirl and happily goes "me and Whirl had sex, is that great?" thinking this would solve all their problems. only for Cyclonus get all worbly eyed and be like "you cheated on me?* 🥺 You wanna break up with me? 🥺🥺" And Tailgate is ready to flip some tables as he has to lay out how Cyclonus and Whirl have been acting recently. And how all evidence points to Cyclonus being in love with him. Whirl is wisely silent for once, which is basically taken as affirmation by all those who speak whirl-ese. Then Cyclonus is like "so you want me to break up with you... to be with whirl? " because Cyclonus is too stuffy and old fashioned to know what polyamory is or think about being in a threesome*. so only THEN, once whirl and tailgate awkwardly and patiently explain all their feelings and make their case for being polyamorous do they all get together. and theres is a least like three other overdramatic hullabaloos about it when theyre in the introductory phase because they (cylonus again) kind of sucks at polyamory at first.

*this is assuming conjunx is default assumed monogamous. Which. Amica arent. hello mr roberts would you care to comment on polyamory among transformers and how it relates to mpreg pspsps

[notesfromthepalace]

Don't Be Jenny from the BLOCK!

No tea no shade to Jen, that's my sister, I LOVE HER!

When I say "don't be Jenny from the block" - what I am referring to is dating someone from your neighborhood, your town, you high school, and if you've glowed up after college, I would say extend that to anyone you've met before the age of 23.

In the words of Joseline Hernandez (I'll explain why I love her in another post), don't be a "$2 hoe".

I repeat, DON'T BE A $2 HOE!

Now, let's get into some things.

You today, in your mid 20s, should be the best version of yourself:

The finest

Prettiest

Skin Glowing

Hair always done

Nails done

Just That Girl, Okay?!

Whether I am being casual or saditty, I am That Girl, ten toes down.

Do you know why I choose to show up as That Girl no matter what?

Because I remember when I was this girl:

Now, to be clear I have had NO cosmetic procedures. I just grew up, slimmed down, filled up in the right spots, figured out what to do with my hair and skin care, etc. There's really nothing wrong with me in the above photo except for how I felt about myself. I thought I was ugly so my confidence was low, and I did not think I was deserving of love or the finer things in life.

Naturally, the guys around me treated me how I felt about myself.

But when I believed that I was all that and a bag of chips, I definitely gave that in my aura and appearance, but I still entertained a childhood love. I don't doubt that he loved me but he treated me as the girl in the green dress and would get annoyed when I demanded better.

But you know what, it's not his fault. He was treating me like the $2 Hoe he meant in the sixth grade - and not because I was actually a $2 hoe, but when I use that term, I mean a person who feels like they are less then.

If he had met me today, he probably would have admired me from a distance because he would've knew he could not provide what I require. But because he met me in another life chilllllle, he thought yesterday's price was today's price, but it wasn't - hints why I finally dumped him.

Every person I met after the age of 23 is completely different from people I met in my adolescent years. This isn't tea or shade to my close girlfriends, but as you get older and your values change, you realize that the conversations you are having in new circles feels more natural because the older conversations are beneath you.

This whole $2 hoe thing applies not only to dating, but your friends and the conversations you entertain as well - it's like a frequency you admit, a low vibrational frequency.

For example: I have friends who still "roster date" - meaning they have a routine/rotation of men that they go out with - which is their prerogative. I am a happily monogamous woman who is on her way to engagement and soon there after, marriage.

mon amour

There are conversations that I don't want to have anymore. I don't want to hear how you feel played by the man you knew was married, or how John and Joe found out about each other, etc.

The conversations now should be about investing, skin care regiments and medical spa recommendations, marriage, children, family, whether to be a stay at home mom or to pursue careers, and how to go about being mothers, wives and financially comfortable, how to support our future husbands: these are the conversations that peak my interest.

I left the block about five years ago. Once in a blue, I go back home to visit family and get my hair done, but I don't make a big deal or announcement about my arrival because I am not trying to invite the rift raft that comes with it.

The block is no longer my Ohana.

I have created my own.

Sometimes leaving home and cutting off old friends and leaving romances from our early years sounds scary, but my dear, you will not regret it.

Now, my girlfriends that I have known for over 10+ years know I'm not talking about them because we all still talk. But is there some distance between some of my old girlfriends and I?

Absolutely.

And that's okay. You're real friends will understand that because we're all growing and changing. It's called evolution.

Evolve

Grow

Be that girl.

And if someone tries to make you feel bad for that, especially a man: unfollow, block, throw away everything that person gave to you, sever the soul tie.

As always ladies,

God is King

Be beautiful.

With love,

Sarah Chanel

[hillbillyoracle]

The Amorous Spectrum

Writing this post at the behest of my partner who insisted after I told her a dream I had in which I was writing this post. It's all very meta.

So in this dream, the piece was essentially about how polyamorous and ambiamorous imply other types of relational orientations. It posited that romantic orientation largely deals with what genders/presentations you feel romantically attracted to - not the type of relationship structure you wished to have with that person. Which implies a type of relational orientation we've only really begun to talk about.

Polyamorous - desiring relationships with multiple people at the same time

Ambiamorous - happy in relationships with multiple people or with one person at a time; effectively relationally ambivalent

Monoamorous - desiring a relationship with one person at a time

"What about monogamous?" - I think there can be monoamorous non-monogamous people; people who want a relationship with one person but might also want to have sex with other folks. I spent a chunk of my 20's as a very happily consenting unicorn to folks who only really wanted to be in a proper relationship with each other.

I also think it implies people who are on some spectrum of not desiring a relationship as well, regardless of who they might experience other types of attraction to.

Nonamorous - not desiring of any relationship

Demiamorous - only experiences desire for a relationship after getting to know someone

Grey Amorous - sometimes experiences desire for a relationship, sometimes does not experience desire for a relationship

Demi and Grey Amorous people might lean toward poly, ambi, or monoamory when they do experience that desire.

I've personally experienced the fact that I can experience sexual and romantic attraction and still not generally for a relationship. I also think it's possible to not experience romantic or sexual attraction and still wish to have a relationship (perhaps desiring a queer platonic partner instead).

If you're like "this is making things too complicated" then, this post isn't probably for you. You've probably already got the language you need. And this isn't prescriptive, it's just a map to think about relational orientation as related to but not necessarily synonymous with romantic orientation. I hope it is at least food for thought regardless of where you fall.

*Disclaimer #1: I am not big on identiarianism. I'm not writing this is add more labels to identify with. I'm writing about this as a way to fill a language gap about specific desires that I've experienced. Less objective truth and more thought experiment.

**Disclaimer #2: I know I'm not the very first person to write about these things. I just haven't resonated what I've seen. So these are my thoughts. I'm adding, not creating.

[sloppysequinz]

I think Miss Chappell would have a lot to say about your post with the tags 👀🥲 but regardless, I’m sorry your man is standing in the way of your happiness and not supporting it. You deserve better girl

Look I know you probably meant well by this, but honestly fuck off. Just because I made a vent post about having different kinks and a different perspective on relationships than my fiancé doesn’t mean you know a single thing about my relationship.

“Standing in the way of my happiness”? What the fuck? This man has done nothing but build my happiness. “Not supporting it” this man has given me support that you fuck-os on tumblr could only dream of. I post about ONE thing on here, and that’s all you see of me. What the fuck would you know about supporting my happiness? You don’t even know who I am.

Yes, I am sad that I had to miss out on some kink in my life, but that’s the choice I made when I committed to a monogamous relationship with the man that I love. We both contribute to the shape of our relationship, our boundaries are set by both of our desires, not just mine. That’s the choice I made and I would happily make it again. It is a small sacrifice in the grand scheme of my life.

I just want to be able to post on here about the mild downsides of that choice without being judged by immature know-nothings like you. I don’t need to deserve better because I already have the best.