#i am genuinely curious to pick up opinions

[fictional-worlds-are-exquisite]

QUESTION TIME. i work in customer service and say 'have a good day!' entirely too many times in a day, but i feel like there's a cut off time for saying that. like i'm not going to say 'have a good day!' at 10pm obviously, it's night. my question is, what's the latest reasonable time in the day to say 'have a good day'?

[bettsfic]

one of the best decisions i've ever made was to stop arguing.

i'd always been an arguer. i was defensive about everything and mindlessly contrary. it wasn't all my fault; i was (and still am) talked down to and patronized a lot, and when you live your life that way, you become kind of a raw nerve and dedicate a lot of energy to trying to prove yourself. someone even told me once, "it's just fun messing with you. you get so upset."

at 23, i was working in an environment where about a half dozen middle aged conservative men were always telling me what to do and explaining things to me. i either argued with them when they said heinous things or stewed about it for hours or even days. and so my new year's resolution one year was simply: no arguing.

it felt a little like defeat at first, like i was no longer standing up for what i believed in, even though no matter how right i was or how much proof i had for my claims, no one had ever been swayed by anything i told them. part of that was because they had no respect for me and didn't take me seriously; the other part was the simple truth that arguments are almost never productive. when someone says something and you immediately reply with, "you're wrong and here's why," a wall goes up and nothing can go over it.

i couldn't just let these men talk at me though, so i started asking questions. not leading questions, not with an intention to prove a point or walk them into a corner. i genuinely wanted to understand how they came to shape the opinions they held. i realized that understanding and agreeing are two different things, and just because i seek to understand doesn't mean i condone.

a truly fascinating thing happened: these men walked into corners all by themselves. it turns out nobody had ever actually tasked them with speaking their opinions aloud to a neutral audience. no one had ever been sincerely curious about them and their views. sure, their loved ones probably asked, "how are you doing?" all the time as a show of affection, but that's much different than, "what do you think?"

knowing what i know now, i think that's true of everyone. how many people ask you for your opinion and listen to what you have to say without speaking their opinion back to you? without judging you? how many people actively and intentionally try to understand you?

it's been over ten years since my resolution and i think i can count the arguments i've gotten into on one hand. one finger, even. it's amazing what happens when someone tries to rile you up, pick a fight with you, and your only response is, "can you elaborate on that?"

you can work someone into a very open and vulnerable state when you ask questions. they eventually run out of their usual talking points and move into the personal. when i do this, it's not like therapy; i'm not trying to help anyone. and it's not like teaching; i'm not trying to educate anyone. i just want to understand how people reach the conclusions they've come to. even after all these years of asking questions and not arguing, it still amazes me how few people in this world feel understood, and how easy it is to get them to open up when you say, "i want to know what you think."

[ikarakie]

eddie's impression of steve harrington only really begins to turn around not because of henderson's constant insistence that he's a really cool dude now, but because of his brief interactions with robin goddamn buckley.

he first realises that she's affiliated with him when she pokes her head into hellfire club one day. she asks henderson if he's seeing 'the dingus' tonight, and when henderson confirms that he's picking them up, she tosses a green vest at his face. asks him to give it to him, since he's working an opening shift and left it at hers. eddie only realises later that she was talking about harrington, and the implication that he'd stayed overnight had him reeling. buckley was a weirdo. a band geek. what was king steve doing associating with her?

it only gets weirder. he goes to one of sinclair's games, and ends up a few rows behind harrington. he's whooping and cheering and so goddamn excited for the kid when he gets to play. when the band performs, he screams robin's name during the applause. she finds him in the crowd and sort of wiggles her shoulders excitedly in response. after the game, he sees him scoop her up in the biggest goddamn bear hug and kiss her on the cheek. not the kind of couple he'd expected, but they were cute. he supposed.

but then the kiddies stop her in the hallway a week or so later, asking something about a movie night at harrington's. eddie can't really help himself, he was a curious thing.

"so, buckley," he begins, leaning against a locker. "i'm dying to know how a band geek like you landed king steve as a boyfriend." to his side, henderson sighs, heavy and dramatic. robin gets the most genuinely disgusted face.

"oh, god. ew." she says, emphatically. "i am not dating steve. gross." she fucking shudders at the thought. eddie can't keep his jaw off the floor.

"no?" he asked. "but- the game, the other week. he kissed your cheek." she nodded. he gestured wildly in lieu of response, begging for more information.

"stevie and i," and eddie has to fight the urge to roll his eyes. because, seriously? stevie? she expects him to believe they're not together and she calls him stevie? "are strictly platonic. with a goddamn capital p! people can express platonic affection even if they're different genders!" henderson mocks her quietly, to which she whacks him on the arm. she turns back to eddie. "i think if anyone should understand, it'd be you, handkerchief."

eddie feels his stomach drop. robin's giving him a look. a knowing fucking look. arms folded across her chest, one eyebrow raised. surely not.

"you?" he asks. she nods. "so harrington-"

she cuts him off. "knows." and wow. wow. colour him fucking surprised. "was the first one to know. he's-" there's a pause. "he's cool. so fucking cool." she was so fond, smiling a little. "he's a really good guy. i love him to death."

and well... he believes her. truly fucking does. it's only then that he finally allows the walls he'd built around his opinions of steve harrington to falter, to allow himself to think maybe- just maybe- he is actually is a good dude.

[curio-queries]

ARE YOU SURE?!

Episode 4 production Notes

Again, I genuinely didn't think I'd have anything to say at this point about this episode. I had such a good time the first time I watched it, just smiling the whole way through. There is one thing that did stick in my brain a little bit though so here I am again with another post.

Episode Break Points

We honestly can't be making any final conclusions at this point but there is starting to emerge a picture of how the production team approached the development of this show as an episodic release. The question that was rattling around my brain after watching episode 4 was how they are choosing their cut points between episodes. We really only have three data points right now which is not enough to definitively identify their intent but it does start to paint the picture a little bit. Sometimes, the break point is beyond obvious, like cutting ep.2 at the end of the USA trip. But when there's not a definitive line, a choice has to be made when to bring one episode to a close and start another.

Some shows use the changing of the day as a break point but that's not necessarily always the best choice to make for the narrative of the show. For example, the break between eps 1 and 2 is in the morning after JK has his coffee and makes the stone tower. This better served the momentum of the episode and wrapped up the story beat of JM's rough night. Ep 2 then starts on a high note with JK's motorbike ride. In my opinion, this was an excellent choice as we close ep.1 feeling all cozy and ep.2 begins with a little bit of excitement.

A Look Back

So why am I bringing this up now? It's because I was so confused as the choice of when to break these two episodes. I don't know if I've decided if it was good/bad/somewhere-in-between but I absolutely was not expecting Episode 4 to start the way it did. Ep 3 ends at the Go Karts and feels like a complete story beat. While ep 4 starts with the drive to the Omakase.

To me, it feels like we're picking up on the last remains of the previous episode and not starting a new section. Which is honestly, kind of counterintuitive. Why would it feel like that? They're literally on their way to the next activity. I suspect it has more to do with the tonal momentum. The guys are still coming down from all of the energy they expended from Rock Climbing and racing and are having a well-deserved relaxing drive. Even the brief moments we see of JK on the motorbike are quite chill. (mostly because there's not really a great way to get action footage on a bike in the dark lol).

So...to see if I could support my suspicion, or if I was just bringing something else into my viewing experience, I decided to rewatch the whole series so far and rank every story beat on a scale for how energetic/intense I felt the narrative was supporting.

A couple of notes before you judge my rankings:

This data is the very definition of subjective. if I redid this same exercise even the next day, I'm sure I would disagree with myself on certain rankings so you certainly don't have to agree with my rankings.

If a storybeat had a noticeable tonal shift, I entered it twice and included both rankings. If it just varied a bit, I entered a ranking more representative of the scene as a whole.

This won't be reflective of the time occupied by each story beat. Some sections are longer than others but with sustained energy so it doesn't translate in this visual representation how much of an impact on the overall tone of the episode any one of these are.

I also added a star at the end of each episode of my median scores. I feel that this was a better representation of the overall tone of each episode rather than an average but that's just my personal view on this teeny dataset. Please don't come for me analytics folks! This is just a post for funzies, not proper analysis!

So What?

The point was curious about is in the gap between eps 3 & 4. Everywhere else there's a pretty clear shift in the start and end of the energy but that gap looks like it was just a step that was missed in what could have been a continual episode.

Here are the runtimes of each episode so far:

USA: 56 min

USA: 72 Min

Jeju: 56 min

Jeju: 70 min

I don't have any conclusions about why it was done this way other than they felt the tonal break was the sacrifice for keeping the Omakase story line in tact. Which honestly, I agree. There would have been time to include the drive in the previous episode but it would have left us on an unfinished storybeat. This is one of the reasons that we never get footage of the members return trip from their travel shows. Bon Voyage ends every episode with the members remarking on the trip overall. Even though we know they have to return home, we don't see it because that would start to build energy for whatever they're doing next and not the story of their trip.

Even in ITS1 when the members do return home in the middle, we see them packing up and getting in the cars but the episode ends before they really start traveling. (Actually it ends before they even let Jin in the car so they're definitely not on their way yet!)

Commercials?

I have a question for anyone that's watching this with ads. I don't really watch streaming content so I'm curious, do the ad breaks just randomly occur? Or does it seem like they're intentionally scheduled? Building story breaks for commercials was a huge focus of legacy tv and I'd be interested to learn more about how streaming services are incorporating it (not enough to not have commercials though, I get insta-rage when the content I'm consuming is interrupted lol). I vaguely remember getting frustrated when I was attempting to watch something at my parent's over the holidays but I don't recall if it seemed structured or not.

That's it. That's all I've got to say right now. We're definitely getting a lot more to the story of this show and I'm absolutely loving it. I'm going to be away for a bit next week and I honestly don't know when I'll fit in watching episode 5 but I'm very much looking forward to it!

If you've seen this post and are interested in some more of my thoughts on Are You Sure, here's a link to my AYS MasterList. Still can't believe I've rambled so much about this show but it's been fun! Thanks to everyone that's been rambling with me!

[genericpuff]

I'm curious - how many unanswered asks do you have in your inbox? Or do you just delete the ones you don't plan on answering?

do you feel good anon

do you feel good about yourself with this question

targeting me like that

geeeeez

ok but more seriously LMAO i have an embarrassingly large amount of unanswered asks but i do read all of them <3 a lot of them honestly are just from folks like, sharing their anonymous opinions about either LO and LR, with the odd one about comic advice, sharing webtoon recommendations, and other things of that nature!

In the case of the LO asks, it's stuff that often has already been spoken about at length before so I don't really have anything to add (but trust me, I'm usually in total agreement, if I heavily disagree with a take I'll usually try to respond to it but it's rare that that's the case because most of the takes are just things like "wow the art in this panel sucks" like yep it sure do LOL) and often it just feels like my inbox is just like, a comment box for people to get their feelings out anonymously and honestly that's fine, I just also can't really respond to every single one unfortunately, but I do read them and I love y'all's takes!

With LR asks, y'all are way too sweet to me and send me just the kindest things about LR, and I hope y'all know that even if I wind up not getting back to your ask about it, I do read everything you send and appreciate so much the amount of support you've all shown for this project since I took it on <3 A lot of those asks are literally my version of "do it for her" where I read them and it reminds me of why it's so worth doing what I do :') <3

Whenever people recommend me other works to read, I add them to a list and I am currently trying to tackle it :) (honestly that list isn't as big as you'd think, a lot of the recommendations are for the same stuff, like other Greek myth retelling comics or otherwise just bad webtoons that people want me to suffer thru LOL) I just recently finally got a physical copy of Song of Achilles and while it's slow going, I'm gonna be sharing my extended thoughts about it, either in a big Tumblr post or maybe a video if I can motivate myself to do it 🤔

And of course, the comic advice asks... these ones admittedly I do tend to actually move into my drafts because I really, REALLY do want to respond to them, but I'm also not someone to half-ass responses to questions like that. That is a bit of a bad habit on my end because it often means I'm spending crazy amounts of time going over topics that can be researched, but I also just really love talking about comics so it doesn't feel good to get a comic advice ask and just leave it at "idk just start" like yeah, do that, but also I want to pass on all the things I WISH I had known when I was first starting out and I'm glad people see me as someone to learn those things from! So when it comes to those asks, don't worry, I'm picking away at them <3 (but also man, I should probably just like... put together some kind of hitchhiker's guide to comic making or something huh LOL)

Anyways! I do have a lot of unanswered asks and honestly, I'm not really one to delete them, even if I don't get back to some of them it is still nice to read them in their own little curated space separate from my main blog, it's kind of like a personal comment section between myself and those of you who took the time to write <3 The only asks I tend to outright delete are ones that are just like, way too bad faith to even want to give any attention to, or bot spam lmao But for the majority of y'all who have sent genuine asks to my inbox and never saw a response and worry that I might have ignored it or deleted it, I hope you can have reassurance in knowing that they are all still there and even if I can't make time every day to respond to them, receiving all your personal takes about LO and your amazing feedback and kind words about LR is something I'm always excited to see whenever that little notification pops up in my Inbox tab. I see you and appreciate you <3

[cloudmancy]

not to rekindle old discourse if you've moved on, but i was listening to you & @kindlespark's interview on the complicated women podcast / have enjoyed reading your fhjy posts and wanted to ask your thoughts on why the beginning of the season felt so promising to you? i enjoyed the premiere and the premise of the stresses of 11th grade/the rat grinders as foils, but as the season continued i started to feel disillusioned - it seemed less and less like an interactive/collaborative story (cassandra's death, fig's quest to rehabilitate ruben, the ratgrinders being really hard to find/interact with in general) and more of a tour through some unsatisfying callback easter eggs (i simply don't care about porter and it kind of felt like not even emily did). imo the ratgrinders were set up to fail as a narrative concept ever since the bad kids got mad at them for grinding and brennan just sheepishly grinned and shrugged at the camera, and while i share your disappointment that there was no coming together/addressing the root academic injustices that plagued both the bad kids and the ratgrinders, i don't think it was as surprising to me, as the season had already felt too filled with bits/joking around to be that dramatically tight - ironically, i think they got too bogged down in roleplaying scholastic tedium. i tend to come to d20 with a mindset of like, this is primarily a comedy and if they end up producing a satisfying narrative arc, great (and they certainly have achieved this in the past), but i don't think it's a coincidence that most d20 seasons are regarded as having unsatisfying endings - i think it's an incredibly hard thing to do in a ttrpg setting, even for professionals, especially so if their instincts are more towards comedy. they are great artists and improvisers, but evidently that doesn't mean they can't fail to cohere, and i think this season suffered from a lack of investment in narrative all around - brennan not being as flexible with the plot as he's been in the past, the players i think (some anyway) feeling a little tired of these characters and playing them as more chaotic/violent than usual (kristen's random nudism, fig's truancy, gorgug's hatred/bullying of maryann, fabian threatening to skin ivy). idk, i'm just rambling at this point - my overall message is that i'm in agreement that the finale was a letdown, but i'm curious as to how you thought the promising themes interacted with the story/performances in the earlier parts of the season, cause when i look back at it i don't see a unified vision, just some individually interesting pieces that never seemed to fit together, and i don't think i just feel that way in hindsight, but am open to other perspectives (disclaimer that obv this is all opinion and subject to debate)

here are sam's thoughts on it!

ok my thing is that 1) i love porter as a villain and i don't think the twist takes away from his character; i think brennan tied him to ankarna REALLY well and with genuine thought. the lore drop scene in the temple was genuinely chilling and very very cool to me and brennan clearly set up a lot of lore around it that was interesting and not just funny bc fig thought he was bad the whole time. i think porter is a great character and had the bad kids engaged with his philosophy of rage and not had ice feast completely nullify his threat he could've been a really compelling villain. 2) i genuinely had hope for the rat grinders because of brennan's insistence to make npcs like eugenia talk about them as foils, the fact that they used to be the high-five heroes, and the fact that he made them closer to unwilling participants than actual villains. seemed like genuine threads of complexity that the bad kids just didn't pick up on, but i also clearly was fooled bc that brennan didn't react to fig's attempts to convert ruben shows that he wasn't really prepared to have the final battle as anything but tbk vs trg 😭 i think the downtime system was actually really fun and effective at portraying both scholastic tedium while also embellishing the themes (rage tokens!!) 3) this probably wasn't made clear in the ep but i didn't expect d20 to write a perfect thematic story about addressing systemic injustices; i just wanted them to give me any kind of thematic acknowledgment in the battle at all and not just with ankarna. i am very aware that im always reading into the subtext of d20 seasons--that lament is more for the subtext that Could've Been. i agree with you about everything you've said wrt ttrpg settings and lack of narrative investment, but i had higher hopes because fhsy and tuc are so much better with their themes and the themes brennan appeared to be setting up seemed so… obvious to me…. it had me ignoring all the red flags 😭

[lorynna]

Please understand I am writing this from a position of genuine curiosity and not one of malice.

I saw your response to the anon talking about their aroace friend and you both agreed that asexuality is being “muddied” by people who identify as asexual since there’s so much variation between them.

I am honestly quite confused as to why you are dictating the definitions of lived experiences you don’t share. Why do you have to decide how people feel and perceive their feelings if those are completely separate people than you?

Is it truly your business to decide how labels should be applied if you aren’t the one using them? As an asexual, the way you discuss my identity dismisses me and other asexuals as people, because you make assumptions about what and how we should be feeling. It feels dehumanizing.

Again…I write this with no malice, I just don’t understand your position on this matter.

Hello anon.

My response to the other anonymous person submitting an ask involved both of us agreeing about the fact that those labels are hard to get taken seriously due to a lot of people either trying to weaken the definition of asexuality/aromanticism by widening it until cinderella's unique custom-designed shoe is a one-size-fits-all, (in other words:) it completely looses it's meaning and can be applied to the average person or a person who simply has a low sex drive and/or are following a trend, where it "seems cool and quirky" to pick out a label and make it your entire personality until you get tired of it and need to get something new.

Touching on your comment implying that I am calling this term (who in my opinion has become useless due to the above mentioned reasons) as me not rejecting the label therefore but because "there is so much variation between asexual/aromantic people". Which is just...sigh.

I don't think I have to point out that the reasons (again, listed above), that I have also stated in multiple of my takes about this subject, don't indicate any sort of valid variation but the broadening of a simple term until it is applicable to the average person who "sometimes does not feel like having sex" or "feels like not having a relationship for some time in their lives".

Now a counter question. Am I really dictating the definitions of lived experiences I don't share (like you claim) or am I simply talking about my opinion? What power do I have to truly dictate how someone can/has to label themselves? Suprise: I don't! People can continue to pick labels how they please and I can give my opinion accordingly, how I please.

I am challenging you to try and analyze if I am truly trying to be malicious towards actual asexuals/aromantics or if I am just fed up by everything getting used as a trendy label or people pretending to "be cool". I am challenging you to form an opinion on wether or not I am truly coming from a place of hate or rather constructive criticism. And I am challenging you to not see everything that defies your worldview as hate. Opinions are like assholes, everyone has them and sometimes they stink!

My favorite saying : You cannot define something, without actually excluding anyone from said definition. To defines means to limit and that's okay, that is essential. Otherwise words, labels, definitions, it all means nothing. To open the doors to everyone means to protect no one.

I would encourage you (if you are really interested in my take on the topic) to take a look into my pinned post, where I am talking about this more intrinsically. I'll link it here down below.

Also linking here now below the question of another anon that THIS anon is referring to.

[igglemouse]

The day starts with an important conversation, one we've been meaning to have for a while now, about the baby. Today, I'm heading to the hospital so that I can get things checked out, a routine visit to make sure everything is going okay. It should be an ordinary check up but I can't help but feel nervous.

Pascal has been unusually quiet all morning. Sometimes he's just like that, maybe he's focused on his next game or something but I do think it has something to do with the baby and my thoughts are confirmed when he finally does speak up. "Will you find out if its a boy or a girl," he asks, genuinely curious.

"Should I?" I reply, wanting his opinion, needing to let him know that it is valuable when talking about our child.

Pascal messes with the food on his plate, yes, pancakes again, and seems to think about it. "Yeah, yeah, I would like to know. I've been curious about it for the past few days. It would be cool to have a Pascal Jr."

That brings a small smile to my lips because it is nice to know that he's been thinking about it. Sometimes he feels so stoic and detached that I've worried that he's indifferent towards it but perhaps that is just how he is.

Sara calls me, her voice bubbling with excitement the moment I pick up. Yep, she's talking about her new guy and sure enough she's telling me that they are officially a thing, boyfriend and girlfriend.

I'm happy for her, especially since she's thought she'd just be single for the rest of her life. Whoever this new guy is I hope he treats her right!

She really wants to talk more about him, gush about him really, but I can't, I do have that doctor visit to go to after all.

And so, I head to the hospital, one step closer to becoming a mom. After a brief wait I'm led to my room and meet the doctor. She seems cordial and warm but also very much down to business. Messing with her machine as she asks routine questions. You know, do you drink, any drugs, are you allergic to anything, stuff like that.

Once that is out of the way and the machine is on she asks me to lay down and relax. Once I do she brings out the...ummm, I'm not sure what any of these things are called, but its placed on my bump, the gel feels a little cold but other than that I don't feel anything.

"Everything looks good Ms. Varela," she says after looking at the screen for a few moments. "And it looks like you are having a girl! Congratulations!"

"O-oh!" I'm not really sure how to react! Honestly, girl, boy, whatever, I just hope they are healthy! Ten fingers, ten toes, you know?

"Just remember, taking care of yourself is taking care of your baby!"

I make it home with a new kind of energy buzzing inside of me because knowing I'll be having a daughter just helps it put it all into focus. I'm also starving, of course, but I feel like I'm hungry for at least half of the day these days.

I'm having a daughter! The thought just nestles warmly in my mind, surrounded by possible names and just endless possibilities of all the things we might do together, all the things I can't wait to teach her, and I'm just so ready to hold her and adore her that it's hard to focus on cooking.

I guess I am making sweet bread, something light and well, sweet, because I keep craving sugary and sweet things aaand maybe that has something to do with the baby? Maybe she'll be a sweet spirit? I sure hope so!

The bread turns out wonderful, by the way, golden and perfectly shaped and turns out being the perfect little treat! It's not enough to fill me, I'm sure I'll be looking for something else to eat a little later in the night but I don't regret it at all.

After though I'm a little confused about what to do with the rest of my day. The stand took up a lot of my days and now that its on pause I'm often just sitting around thinking about my pregnancy.

I really don't feel like opening the stand today and can you blame me? The idea of standing outside in likely 100 degree weather while pregnant doesn't sound like a good one. That won't pause my career, no no no, I'm not one for standing still after all. I've been keeping in touch with Ray which yes, feels strange after all we've been trhough but I think I've found a strong ally here, a super valuable associate.

I've been wondering more specifically if it would be a good idea to start my own Simtube channel. He thinks it's a great idea, not just a great one, but he's willing to help. I'm not really sure how I'll navigate through those waters but I'm sure willing to try!

I thought the day would be winding down after that but a knock at my door tells me not quite yet. It's Marjorie and she's standing outside flashing a wide and confident smile. It's kind of odd seeing her over since I do believe she lives in the gym so I can't help but wonder what brings her over today.

"When are you heading back to the gym?" she asks with a teasing grin this time, knowing exactly why I've been missing. As usual, I can't help but rub my belly, it almost feels instinctual if anyone even thinks about my baby.

"Some time," I say back. I'm really in no rush for it either. "Why? How is it with ummm, the crush?"

"My crush?" She asks as if she forgets our last conversation at the gym.

"Yes? C-crush? At the gym?" As usual my simlish is not that great so I try to keep things short and simple but her confused look makes me think I've said something wrong. I hope I'm using the word 'crush' right.

"Ah! Yes, that guy..." she nods but I can tell the spark she had for this gym trainer must have fled and I soon know why. "Turns out he's a little rough. I mean, in a demanding kind of way? You know how some of those types are, always pushing, always expecting more and more," she waves it off as if she has move don, maybe she has. "Once you get that thing out of there you'll have to head back, you'll be carrying baby weight, you know?"

"Oh!" I hadn't really thought of that. Pregnancy takes such a toll on you physically for sure but mentally as well, I forgot that the weight I put on will not magically disappear once my little girl is introduced to the world. "Y-yes, yes, this is right," well, I guess it will be something to do post-pregnancy? I'll worry about that when the time comes, right now, I'm more focused on just giving her a healthy environment to grow in...

Frida Varela Index ~ Episode 7.3

[thistlecatfics]

hey, sorry if this is annoying but i just found your works today and fell for them completely. your descriptions of bellatrix made my very old fixations rear their heads again. i was wondering what your current opinions are on jk rowling? i tried to look here but only really found things from before her terf-turn and that’s what i’m really interested in your thoughts on. i’m just curious and will be very grateful if you’d be considerate enough to answer

Hello! Thank you so much! Definitely not annoying and if I ever got an ask I didn't feel like answering I could very easily ignore it or delete it :)

The short answer: fuck jkr. the world will be better off when she dies.

The long answer: Yes, I feel anger towards her (see above lol), but there's also grief there. These books (and the fandom but the root is the books) helped me so much as a kid. I loved them, and it felt like I could be loved back by them. When I did EMDR therapy for my experiences of incest, I used Sirius Black as a resource to help me through one particular thread of memory and one of the themes that came up for me repeatedly during reprocessing is how much fiction and storytelling helped me survive and how grateful I am for storytellers. When I was a kid, if I was asked which celebrity I'd want to meet, I'd always pick her. She was important to me. I'm sad. I'm hurt. It feels genuinely painful to try to reconnect with some of those feelings.

Everyone likes to mock her casual post-canon reveal of Dumbledore as being gay, but that happened exactly as I was starting to come out and actually accept that I was gay, and it genuinely, genuinely mattered to me, and I'm stubbornly resisting the urge to feel embarrassed about my teenage joy and relief now.

(I always say I had some practice with this feeling of betrayal because the other book/book series which was so important to me as a kid was Ender's Game and Orson Scott Card was such an extreme, violent homophobe, but it definitely hurt more with jkr.)

(I recognize I'm gliding over the genuine fatphobia, antisemitism, sexism and racism in her writing and extra-canon world building but I do think the transphobia piece is the central one here - the area where she's doing the most acute and extreme harm.)

The embarrassing longer answer is that I'm arrogant enough that I think I could pull her back to reality (and get her out of that mold infested house) if I was given enough time with her. I'm really patient and really convincing and I have a ton of empathy for women who have experienced extreme patriarchal violence which has shaped their political views - even in a way that disconnects them from reality.

I'm also someone who is put off by how in many progressive spaces there's the dominant view that gender is a playground, not a violent system of power relations, and so I can connect with her on that point enough that I can fantasize about helping connect her to the full humanity of trans people (and also herself because by dehumanizing others we dehumanize ourselves.) (there's a lot to be said about the unique balance of wealth and whiteness and gendered trauma (and social media) as creating a potent dehumanizing force.) BUT I recognize that's just my impulse to fix and rescue and want to recreate this safe adult figure in my life and it's definitely not fucking happening lol.

(I also have a lot of feelings about how the fandom tries to deal with the problem of jkr but this is already plenty long and you only asked about my feelings about her haha.) (but yeah in general I follow the 'no financial support of her - not even a little bit. not even watching the movies on max or purchasing anything that might give her a cent.')

going to finish off with this really beautiful short piece of writing from Chinese Canadian trans woman writer Kai Cheng Thom from her book "Falling Back in Love with Being Human." Her ability to lean into empathy and love is a north star I try to follow.

[yunogf]

lmao i asked bc, as you said in your tags, there was a certain way that it comes across as with how you’re talking about it, so i genuinely wondered bc i was gonna listen to it as well. i’ve been reading plenty of comments about it as well that mostly just lean on “aoty” “soty” “best album ever” and i get that these are (hopefully) exaggerated claims by stans, but i was seriously yet to see a decent comment about its musicality. it’s either about his face in the mv or his voice or the aesthetic of the mv. nothing on the lyricism or the instrumentations or its creativity or depth, so i was hesitant. i get liking it, but i doubt its being “the best”, so when i saw that your comments were the same, i began to wonder if this is another case of exaggerated praises and it’s just... meh at best. nothing new and all that. i am still gonna listen to it on my own ofc but, i guess, since i’m not really his fan, i’m not all excited. amazing debuts usually create tractions of their own, and i don’t hear much for this, but i ain’t judging based on that ofc. anyway, no need to feel attacked. as i said, i was genuinely curious so i asked. i’m well aware that i have ears. i was just genuinely curious about what you actually thought about it, what with your unhinged tags and whatnot. that’s all.

hard to gain traction when ur company announces ur album 2 weeks before it drops!

i was thrown by your wording and i still kind of am but i don't listen to music i don't enjoy and that's across the board for any artist bc....why would i do that lol and maybe ur not in the right circle being a casual fan/non-fan bc I've seen most ppl talk abt the musicality along with everything else 🤔

ik u said u were genuinely asking and i appreciate the explanation but im picking up on an overall unimpressed tone ("hopefully exaggerated" "doubt it being the best" ?) and it feels like u've made up ur mind about jaehyun and his music and ur asking me to give u a reason to change ur mind/care/be impressed but that's not my job ur free to make ur own opinion to me it seems ur going in with a half formed one already but it's music so like it or leave it either way is okay! ur under no obligation!

I'm sorry if being a kpop stan (im assuming...?) has made u feel disillusioned by solo releases tho i understand bc ppl are often overhyped by fans but jaehyun is a music enjoyer who did his homework and worked with artists he himself is a fan of and the payoff is really good music

overall ur ask is very uninformed which if ur not a fan is understandable but as a native english speaker myself listening to an album that is almost entirely in english from a nonnative speaker i have to say the lyrics are very well done they make sense create good metaphor and aren't superficially about balling or making a lot of money (i loathe to hear this often in eng versions of kpop songs lol) and jaehyun is credited as a lyricist on almost every song afaik

the production value is solid "can't get you" has an entire band accompaniment (the trumpet >>>>>) he wrote/worked on "flamin hot lemon" with emotional oranges (one of my fave artists actually <3) so that one is Excellent in every regard esp for a song inspired by cheetos lmao I've said numerous times that none of the songs sound like they were created with the intent of 30 secs going viral on tiktok (a very important differentiation for me) and one of my favorites parts about the title track "smoke" is the outro it's soooo good there's an unexpected bit of piano that he adlibs along with >>>> and the ballad "completely" has a Gorgeous piano backing to it (the lyrics on this one are also so beautiful)

my excitement about the release may have overwhelmed me so i might not have broken down each song beat by beat but rest assured i'm not wasting time on music i don't enjoy

in summation the album is good and on a separate unrelated note he just happens to be really hot ❤️

[thegrimreaperisanerd]

About DUCKLINGS, can you tell us more about Julien? I am so curious to know what he was/is like and what was your thought process for creating an ex boyfriend for Kim.

(You don't have to answer everything of course, especially if you plan on expanding on that later as you write more)

Sure, he's not a fleshed out character or important to the plot in any way so I'll condense what I've got in my head. Under a readmore since I'm waxing poetic about fic stuff again.

I actually didn't think this would be interesting to anyone! It just made sense to give him a name since Kim's probably not going to think "my ex" but whatever the guy's name was. Hence "Julien" (named after my favourite song from Placebo's Battle For The Sun album; which is underrated, but that's entirely irrelevant...)

I don't have an appearance in mind for the guy since that's usually the last thing I conceptualise about characters (apart from instances where it's important OR I just get a vibe from them. The shopkeeper from Imprinting popped into my head with red hair and teardrop shaped glasses for example, I knew Dom was going to look "exceptionally white" as part of his narrative foil)

Anyway: This is a relationship Kim entered into due to its convenience. I imagined Juvie cop Kim being sent to a school to do a "join the RCM" (boo) stall at a careers fair, then *clocking* a guy putting WAY too much effort into his role in a "don't do drugs!" play for the kiddies.

They bone a couple times, the guy does RCM adjacent work so he's not put off by Kim's job (tends to be a deal breaker), they go on a few dates and Kim generally has a good time during. J: "Do you want to make this exclusive?" Kim (wasn't having sex with anyone else anyway): "Sure." A few months pass. J: "My lease is up, can I move in with you?" Kim (paying rent for a flat he only really sleeps, shits, and shaves in): "Okay."

Suddenly (as can happen when you spend most of your waking life working) a significant amount of time has passed, J has become significantly attached and Kim didn't really notice until he has to decide how to respond to "I love you." "Oh..." (O-O)¬ "Okay." Wasn't really the response Julien wanted.

There's a fight, and Kim *does* feel bad about being a bit blasé with the guy's feelings, but when J says "You work way too hard for a place that doesn't respect or appreciate you anyway." It hits *a bit* too close to home, and as such when that's punctuated by "You need to spend less time working and more time with me, or I'm gone." Kim let's the guy pack his bags and go.

I haven't thought about how *long* the relationship lasted but they probably knew each other for a year at the minimum.

Main concrete personality type for the guy would be egotistical and self-obsessed, despite not being particularly good at what he does. <- Kim finds this grating.

He wouldn't care to ask Kim how his day was when he comes home from work. <- Kim actually prefers this.

He has opinions on art and acting and speaks about that *a lot*. <- Kim doesn't care, but was happy to let Julien talk since it meant he could sit quietly and drink his coffee in relative peace.

Despite the time they spent together J never really got to know Kim that well, Kim doesn't like to talk about himself unprompted and J didn't care enough to badger him like Harry does.

He would have been honest with Kim at least (which he appreciated) hence Kim knowing that J thought he was a bad cook.

Kim would have been in his late 20s - early 30s, not as mature, *genuinely* still believes he's just not working hard enough and THAT'S why he's been passed over for promotions. He's still scared of his Captain, and most superiors, at this point and EASILY bullied into picking up extra shifts.

At the age I'm writing Kim now he would have ended the relationship himself rather than let it fizzle out over time.

Kim at least liked him enough to share a living space, and still thinks about the guy fairly often considering a decade has passed. <- lonely.

That's about all I've got concrete! Thanks for the ask!

[gingermintpepper]

Mother Love - Demeter and Persephone in poetry

Alright, so, let's finally talk about Mother Love.

I've spent the past couple of weeks compiling most of the poems from my physical copy of Mother Love into a publicly accessible google doc because there is a quite frankly embarrassing lack of archiving of this particular anthology of Dove's work and I am genuinely and greatly saddened that it is not a work more commonly brought up when discussing Demeter/Hades/Persephone retellings and reinterpretations for modern audiences.

In order to speak about what Mother Love is, I first need to address what it is not. It's not a coming of age story which portrays Persephone as a caged bird under a too-smothering Demeter. It's not a love story where Hades is some valiant hero who rescues an innocent maiden and through his love empowers her to be her truest self. It does not demonise Demeter, who has forever lost her daughter, it does not demonise Hades, who took that daughter away.

Instead, Mother Love is, perhaps, the truest interpretation of the themes of the Homeric Hymn to Demeter that I've seen, down to the structure of the anthology mimicking the hymn's narrative structure. It is the story of a mother who loses her daughter, of the grief that ensues as she worries for her, of her being pitied and given empty words instead of help finding her, of her trying to soothe herself by filling the void with new children that are not her own. It is the story of a daughter who loses her way, who went seeking flowers and was unwittingly caught in the machinations of those in higher positions of power than her, of the kingdom she is promised and refuses, of the changes she goes through in this new, strange world without her consent and how those changes will define her the rest of her life. It is the story of a lonely king overrun with ennui who wants companionship but never asks, of he who tries in vain to tempt with wealth and land and must ultimately yield to the love of a mother. Not even the lord of the dread Underworld can escape that all-consuming mother's love and this was a theme found all over greek mythology and their literature, and it is also the theme that has been unfortunately and miserably lost as we've told and retold the tale of Hades and Persephone time and time again.

Please, please read this work, and if you enjoy it, do consider picking up an actual copy of the anthology. There is so much to be gained from speaking of the Demeter/Hades/Persephone myth as one of nuance and devoid of the unnecessary moralisations and accusations that we habitually foist onto cultural figures and heroes in an attempt to validate our opinions and interpretations to our peers. In my compilation, I did leave out three poems: Breakfast of Champions, Blue Days, Nature's Itinerary, mainly because I did not think they were relevant -- but I'm always open to requests for those poems to be added to the doc if anybody gets curious. Below I've also attached a few of my favourite short poems from this anthology so people can get an idea for the content that is included in the doc.

@gotstabbedbyapen who requested a way to read these poems but could not find them, I sincerely hope you enjoy them <3

[jae-bummer]

A Little Jealousy

Request: I HAVE SO MANY REQUESTSSSSSS T_T But I don't wanna be greedy or anything so . . . Please pick one of the following for MX! 4, 7, 9, 11, 15, 16, 19, 20. I literally could not pick one! I am okay with ANY of these, but I'm really curious to see them. I asked for Kihyun last time, so any other member this time please! <3 Maybe Minhyuk, because my heart misses him so T-T

Prompt:

7) "I'm not jealous!"

16) You and your bias kiss to prove you don't have feelings for each other.

Pairing: Monsta X Minhyuk x Reader

Genre: Fluff

.

A low whistle greeted you as you walked into the living area.

"You look hot," Changkyun growled from his spot by the window. He was laying on the floor, shirtless, sunning himself like a lizard.

"You look hot," you laughed in return. "Like temperature wise. Why are you laying in the sun?"

"Hot water's out," he muttered. "I became a Changkyun-sicle trying to wash up."

You shook your head before plopping on the couch. "Where's Min?"

"Likely incurring the wrath of winter," he grumbled. As you continued to stare at him, he motioned toward the hallway. "It was his turn to shower."

That explained the high-pitched scream you heard while you were getting dressed.

As if being summoned by his name alone, you heard a door down the hall creak open, and footsteps pad out. Stumbling into the room with you, Minhyuk scrubbed a towel over his still damp hair. You tried to keep your eyes focused on his face, but it was difficult when all he was wearing was a pair of pajama pants slung low across his hips.

"Y/N," he hiccupped in surprise, immediately dropping his towel to cover his torso. The tips of his ears were turning redder by the minute. "I thought you had left."

"Nope," you croaked, trying to clear the sight of Minhyuk's body from your mind. "My Lyft driver is stuck in traffic."

"Right," he nodded, sidestepping toward the other side of the room. Reaching into the coat closet, he pulled out a hoodie and yanked it over his head. "I was too busy being naked to mention it, but you look gorgeous."

"Thank you," you said, unable to maintain eye contact. Minhyuk was always the first to dish out a compliment (or his opinion in general). His words had an easy way of causing you to blush, whether he was poking fun or genuinely gassing you up.

"Where are you going looking like that?" he asked, dropping onto the couch beside you.

"I have a date," you said quietly, still refusing to look up. It had been a long time since you had actually been out with someone, let alone someone you were hopeful about. "Changkyun introduced me to-"

"Who?" Minhyuk cut in before you could finish.

"Hyungwon," Changkyun hummed dismissively. "Boy has no game."

"Hyungwon!" Minhyuk gasped.

You turned to look at him, furrowing your brow. Changkyun and Minhyuk circulated the same circles and had mostly the same friends. You had assumed that if Changkyun offered to set you up with someone, Minhyuk would approve as well. Not that you needed his approval...it just...would have been nice.

Your relationship with Minhyuk was something you could brag about. He was such a passionately good friend that even his quirks didn't ruffle your dynamic. He was loud, energetic, and a shock to the system for many, but those were the people that didn't get to see him in his quiet moments. He was so soft and sweet. It was hard to grapple with the intrinsic need to cuddle him and simply take care of him.

"That was the name I said, yes," Changkyun sighed, glancing up at his friend as well. "What's the problem?"

"W-well," Minhyuk struggled. His brain was working overtime. "He's not dateable! Like at all!"

"Name one reason."

"Okay," he hummed, thinking. Launching up from the couch, he exclaimed, "He smells bad!"

"Oh, come on," Changkyun laughed. "He does not smell bad."

"He does!" Minhyuk insisted, beginning his pacing.

You were shocked that he was acting this way. Normally, both Changkyun and Minhyuk were supportive of almost all of your endeavors. Amazingly, that seemed to not include dating.

"Min," you laughed, shaking your head. Your eyes followed him as he walked back and forth. "Why are you acting like this?"

Changkyun sat up instantly, grinning mischievously. "I can tell you why."

Minhyuk paused his steps and shot a glare in the younger man's direction. "I just want what's best for you, Y/N!"

"Oooor," Changkyun purred. "He's jealous."

Changkyun's words landed like a slap. You were stunned by the possibility he presented. There was no way that Minhyuk could be jealous of you seeing someone else. That just wasn't like him.

Or you assumed it wasn't. Thinking back, you hadn't been in a serious relationship since your friendship had started. He was very protective of your time together and... well, protective of your attention in general.

"I'm not jealous!" Minhyuk groaned, pinching the bridge of his nose. "What reason would I have to be jealous?"

"Maybe, and try to follow me here," Changkyun smiled. "You like Y/N."

Your mouth popped open in surprise as Minhyuk looked around the room, panicked.

"I love Y/N," Minhyuk nodded, avoiding eye contact. "We all do."

"Noooo," Changkyun chimed. "We do love Y/N, but you loooove Y/N."

"For fuck's sake," Minhyuk muttered, covering his eyes. "Stop trying to stir the pot! There is nothing to be stirred!"

"Oh contraire," Changkyun chuckled, living for this moment. "I think your reaction is proving that there is plenty to be stirred."

You looked from Minhyuk to Changkyun and back again. Mouth suddenly dry, you tried to find words to add to the conversation. "Is...is that true, Min?"

Minhyuk didn't bother uncovering his eyes as he groaned. "Of course not, don't be ridiculous."

Part of you wilted at his statement. You had never really thought of Minhyuk in that way, but now that it was presented, you couldn't say it wasn't appealing.

Changkyun watched you carefully before turning back to the older man. "Prove it."

"I'm sorry," Minhyuk sighed, dropping his hands. "Prove what?"

"Prove that you don't have feelings for Y/N," Changkyun insisted.

"And how exactly do you expect me to do that?" Minhyuk grumbled, eying you with a pout.

"Kiss," Changkyun prodded. "Kiss Y/N and prove that you two don't have feelings for each other."

"That's stupid," Minhyuk scoffed. "Y/N doesn't want to-"

"I'll do it," you chirped, heat immediately radiating across your neck.

"See, they don't want to-" Minhyuk halted, having realized what you said. "You'll do it?"

"Sure," you continued, uncertain of what had gotten into you. "We'll just kiss and that'll be that."

"Right," Minhyuk said carefully. "That will be that."

"What's a kiss between friends?" Changkyun mocked. Waving his hands through the air, he motioned for you to stand.

Moving unsteadily to your feet, you crossed the room to stand in front of Minhyuk. Bared before him, you suddenly felt ripped open. The realization that you hoped he had feelings for you was dizzying. You were willing to let him in. He could have you if he wanted.

But did he?

Rolling his eyes, Minhyuk finally directed his attention to you. "This is silly."

"So silly," you said dumbly, glancing up at him through your lashes. You couldn't help but notice that his breathing had turned shallow.

"We don't have to do this," he whispered, his brows drawn together. "If you don't feel comfortable-"

"I want to," you interrupted. "Gotta prove your innocence, right?"

"I have nothing to prove to him," Minhyuk grumbled, glaring above your shoulder at what you could only suspect was Changkyun and his shit-eating grin.

"Then prove it to me," you said quietly.

Minhyuk's gaze latched onto you again. Sucking on his bottom lip, his eyes tunneled deep into yours, trying to reconcile his next move. You lifted your brows, waiting in silence.

After a few more seconds, Minhyuk's hands crept slowly up your arms. Sliding over your shoulders, they came to rest on either side of your neck, his pointer and thumb splayed across your jaw. Giving him a short nod of reassurance, you watched as he drew closer, and placed his mouth lightly on yours.

There weren't fireworks, but this kiss wasn't meant for that. It was meant to be questioning. It was meant to be soft and shy.

Taking a deep inhale through his nose, he pulled away again to exhale. Keeping his eyes closed, he set his forehead against yours. "Every butterfly that has ever existed are now all in my stomach."

You let out a breathy chuckle before pulling away from him. Opening his eyes, he looked at you questioningly. His fingers remained wrapped around your neck, not eager to let go.

"Min," you whispered. "Kiss me."

It took him a few moments to register your words before he began nodding to himself. Leaning in again, he pressed his lips more firmly against yours. Reaching up, you gripped his hoodie in your fists and pulled him even closer. You opened your mouth to the kiss, realizing you were both smiling as Minhyuk staggered against you.

There were the fireworks. For as bright of a person as Minhyuk was, it was unsurprising that his kiss made you see stars. Everything that had been unsaid over the duration of your friendship was being poured into his zealous affections.

Dropping one of his hands from your jaw, he wrapped an arm around your waist. You tilted your head back, attempting to get a better vantage for the kiss. Your lips seemed to melt together, tongues working in sync, with small giggles erupting from either of you at any moment.

Changkyun loudly cleared his throat, causing both of you to jump. Minhyuk dropped his face into your shoulder and let out a chuckle. "I completely forgot we weren't alone."

"You're about to be," Changkyun laughed, pulling himself to his feet. "I have to text Hyungwon so he's not ghosted."

You winced, turning to look at Changkyun. "I'm so sorry. I-"

"He'll live," Changkyun grinned. "This is much better. I love being right."

[reiynm]

Hi there!

I just wanted to throw some positivity your way because, while I haven't played the French (I believe?) version of your VN, I played the English one and genuinely thought it was well written and engrossing. For what it's worth, I'm a voracious reader and I write fiction as a hobby, so I read stories all day long, everyday. I don't give you that compliment lightly. I mean it. You have a talent for telling stories, and I loved yours.

I respect your need for space from your project(s), especially after someone has been hurtful about the hard work you'd already poured into it. That said, if you're ever ready to pick it back up, I'm happy to help edit the English script to make you more comfortable with the English version.

I am NOT fluent in French, but I did study it for 6 years, so I have some understanding that could help towards that end.

English is my native language and I have a Bachelor's degree in it with a focus in professional writing. I was a few credits short of a minor in French, but I haven't had a chance to use my French in the 10 years since I graduated, so it's rusty to put it lightly.

If you don't want to take me up on this offer, that's fine. I just wanted to extend it just in case.

Have a wonderful day!

Hello!

Oh my god, thank you so much for your message. You warmed my heart with your compliments and your kindness 🤗 And thank you for taking the time to write me your opinion, it means a lot to me.

Currently, the French version is not yet online, but unlike the demo, it will be the French version which will be prioritized when my game is (finally) finished.

I think I'll still try to make the English version by myself. After all, this visual novel project helped me a lot to learn English (but maybe I'll post the script for those who are curious or want to translate the game into other languages ​​tho🤔), that said, thank you very much for wanting to help me. Again, this means a lot!!

Have a beautiful day💕

[dontbotherwiththepronunciation]

EDIT UPON LAST READING:

This was written on the 30th of may mostly because I got in trouble with a subset of sansa fans at the time and I felt like I should try to joy in her character again. I am no longer sick, I no longer feel like talking about romance, I no longer feel like talking about Sansa but doing this was fun and I am always curious

For the sake of this post, and only this post, I will refer to the term "ship" or any derivatives of the word as "feeling interested by a dynamic's fanon, semi- or canon romantic connotations".

Can't believe I have to say this but god people can get so unnecessarily mean. Before people start being pedantic about something as harmless as rarepairs, it seems like I really will have to say: I don't believe in any of these options possible canon endgames. Many of these have not even interacted. I deserve to have fun with stuff as trivial as dumb inconsequential fanon ships. 

Under the cut I wrote down my preferences + linked some fanwork simply because I’m in a shipping mood after reading some folkloric myths and I don’t really have any strong opinions on ships, and the few NOTPS I have are more about the way fandom treats the ship than the actual ship on itself, but I am completely ill and not healthy enough to do anything more serious and rarepairs are fun. You don’t have to read it or write one yourself, I just feel like talking and recommending fanfics.

On the other hand, if you do want to recommend me fanwork of any type, or share a prompt or show me a wip or just simply hype your rarepair please do so! Everything goes as long as it's a rarepair (less than 500 fics on ao3).

1. Sansa Stark x Brienne of Tarth

Listen, were it not for Brienne and Jaime being clearly written to be read as semi-canon-going-canon and were this book not written by a straight cis white male US American baby boomer democrat, I would be delusionally screaming this is going to be the one canon ship! This would be my protagonist endgame ship for which I would take the mildest coincidence as foreshadowing and die on that hill.

I am coming for you, Lady Sansa. Be not afraid. I shall not rest until I've found you. - Brienne I, AFFC

(Subversions of lady/princess & knight/prince where both are women and one of them is searching for the other and I'll become her Prince and save her! and-)

I just really love how so many of Brienne's issues are tied to her femininity. She does not fit into the traditional idea of womanhood, she wishes she would, she does not want to, she is rejected by the concept and she rejects the concept. And yet, when she distances herself from every possible reminder of her own femininity and takes up a man's armour and sword, she is reminded of her place as a woman and told to conform to her gender.

And then we have Sansa, who romanticises stories about Ladies and Knights; first out of genuine love and admiration for them, and later as a coping mechanism when cruel reality tells her that those ideals are sadly nowhere near true.

This is her knight. This is her strong, brave knight.

My only problem with Briennsa is how we shippers sometimes tend to put Brienne in a position of servitude to Sansa or the Starks and ignore how she is the heir to an island, has a father whom she loves and wishes to see again, and is still on a quest. Hell, she might be Azor Ahai, with her weirwood dream in which she fights White Walkers + her father's sword Lightbringer, out of all the Azor Ahai tinfoil theories this is the one I think has the most canon support. She is not a Hyle Hunt type of errand knight who is just walking around Westeros for the sake of traveling and finding a job, and once the war is over and she has kept her oath, it would be nice to see her going home and proceeding with her life and independence, maybe taking Podrik with her. I would like her to see her father again and see there being love between them.

My nonsensical fantasies involve Brienne being like "Alright, I found one of the Stark girls, still have to find the other one. I'm taking her to Tarth where she'll be safe and have no creeps around who would bother her." and Sansa just completely falling in love with Brienne on the way there.

Also, I would die for the comedic potential of Brienne of Tarth, mockingly refered to as "Brienne the beauty", having a trail of people fawning over her. This post is one of my favourite posts in the world.

To be honest, while I do enjoy the idea of Sansa going North to reunite with her family, I also have a strong fondness for the concept of her actually staying South. I know this is an unpopular opinion that Sansa fans seem to particularly dislike because of the whole "SaNsA iS nOt A rEaL sTaRk" thing, but there is something about lands of childhoods being unretournable. Stepping out of home means never seeing it again. "I am stronger within the walls of Winterfell" perhaps, but the walls of Winterfell were burned and the one Winterfell native who got to go back to Winterfell didn't get to be strong or safe.

I would like to be wrong though, and I think I will be wrong! But still, it would be nice for her to discover a South that is closer to the dreams of chivalry and court she had and perhaps Tarth could be that place, even if only for a short time.

Well, here is a canon-divergent AFFC fanfic in which Brienne finally makes it to the Vale. It has a lot of fairy tale imagery and an interesting characterisation between the Sansa-Alayne personas.

2. Sansa Stark x Jeyne Westerling

"That's what I'll give you, Lady Sansa. Your brother's head." A kind of madness took over her then, and she heard herself say, "Maybe my brother will give me your head." - Sansa VI, AGOT

You know how Catelyn and Ellaria both at least got to say goodbye to the remains of their loved ones? Jeyne didn't. Neither did Sansa.

My weird fantasy involves Jeyne Westerling (MY Queen in the North) finally getting Robb's head, even if it's just the skull, and showing it to Sansa. A subversion in a way. Joffrey would have done it in malice and sadism, Jeyne would do it it with care, maybe a feeling of responsibility over what remains of her husband's family.

I have a lot of issues with Robb Stark and the way he is perceived in fandom, I keep hating him until I read the source material again and realise "oh wait, fanon≠canon", but I just think his relationships with the women surrounding him are fascinating and they don't get explored a lot. Sansa doesn't know about him cutting her out of the inheritance line and I wonder how she and Jeyne, the other woman who is a Stark but would no longer be accepted as one by a majority of the Northern lords, would feel about him. I wonder how love, resentment, grief and guilt would mix between the two. I don't think Jeyne is pregnant, but if she somehow ends up caring for Robb's heir (be it Jon, Sansa, or an eventual child we refer to as his) I would love that. I like imagining that Jeyne could learn more about Robb, the boy, since she seems to have only gotten to know Robb, the man and King. I like daydreaming of Sansa and Jeyne talking about Catelyn, whom both admire.

I think both of them, based on what we know of Jeyne, share some similitudes in the way they behave conforming to their gender and what is considered a Lady's attitude while still having moments of defiance and I think Sansa could maybe appreciate that. Sometimes, not often, but sometimes, she speaks of "madness taking over her" and, in my opinion, this is usually when she steps out of her own safety to be brave or bold (standing up to Joffrey, trusting Dontos, trying to hide her first menstruation) and I think it could be nice to see her realising these are not things she should be ashamed of. It always reminds me of Jeyne tearing up her clothes and fighting her mother. Jeyne Westerling, like most Jeynes, doesn't get treated very well in fandom. I hate how the interpretation of Robb breaking his vows to marry her is always one putting him as a selfless saint who practically sacrificed himself for a girl he didn't even love when the fact this all plays so mysteriously can open so many possibilities.

And it seems to me people forget how metal she became.

Sometimes Sansa's f/f ships tend to get simplified to "girls being girls and doing girly things together" and I understand why people enjoy that and they are valid for doing so, but in my case I usually prefer to have a little more conflict to it and I think this ship can balance the "girls making flowercrowns and braiding each others hair" and "exploration of complex feelings and estrangement" well enough for me to find it interesting.

Here is a fanfic I'd recommend that takes place in Winterfell with a reluctant Queen Sansa and lots of survivor's guilt + an edit done for said fanfic!

3. Sansa Stark x Garlan Tyrell

When Joff had her beaten, the Imp defended her, not Littlefinger. When the mob sought to rape her, the Hound carried her to safety, not Littlefinger. When the Lannisters wed her to Tyrion against her will, Ser Garlan the Gallant gave her comfort, not Littlefinger. - Sansa I, AFFC

(Yes, I know all those allies are kind of perpetuating her misery too, but she seems to have some affection for them. The reasons behind the affection can be discussed and dissected to examine whether that affection should be there or not, but as of now I don't want to talk about that. People can cherrypick to their own wishes.)

Not something I like to visualise as an endgame because Garlan seems to be quite happy with Leonette and I honestly think Margaery and Sansa's break up/middle school betrayal might not be as easily solvable as we wished, but I like thinking about Sansa & Garlan.

I like Sansa but she is fetishising a gay man who just lost the love of his life when she has a broader shouldered, bearded, straight person who looks very similar to said gay man who is called Garlan the Gallant and how can she be so blind? Why is her unrealistic teenage crush so poorly chosen? Garlan is so humble and his name is so fitting. He is more chivalrous and mature than Lawrence and he is so strong and agreeable and he treats her and Tyrion with respect. He takes her out to dance and makes her laugh and if going by how she describes the Tyrells, then he is so very handsome too and- Why are you laughing? - My father, swooning over Garlan the Gallant on the phone

I do like imagining her having a bit of a very one-sided mild crush sometimes, not something serious but one of those light early adolescent crushes you won't ever act on. Sansa finding moments to daydream and cherish in the hell of a life she is living in King's Landing where se feels cared for, even if it is by someone who is not particularly invested in her. Admiring Leonette and wondering how happy she must be, without ever being truly envious or malicious but simply wishing she had something similar. So, less actual romantic interest but more of a one-sided "I wish" in response to unexpected and (hopefully) genuine emotional help.

I usually prefer gap fillers in fanfiction and I am so eagerly waiting for a gap filler of Sansa's time in King's Landing where she gets to interact more with Garlan and Leonette. Where we see her being wistful and melancholic, longing for her dreams of courtship, chivalry and the sort of love that would be a mix between that which she has heard in songs and witnessed between her parents. Having small moments of joy feeling like a girl again for allowing herself those dreams and realising they can be true.

It's a pity there aren't many fanfics or fan art focusing on their canon or fanon dynamic. I like them a lot.

4. Sansa Stark x Myranda Royce

This is the light to C€rsei x Ta€na's darkness. I love them as friends and I would rather keep them as friends, and for some reason I ship Myranda x Mya, but I enjoy the ship A LOT! Out of the female connection's Sansa builds as the story goes on, I think their dynamic is the most endearing one, and I live in fear of GRRM turning Myranda into Sansa's new villain. I talked a bit about them in the later part of that one post, and I don't have a lot more to add, I just genuinely enjoy their dynamic and how natural Sansa's friendship with her is. I think Myranda embodies certain aspects of Margaery and Jeyne, but until now she is more genuine than Margaery was, and Sansa is also more mature in her treatment of her compared to Jeyne. I just like them.

So, if Myranda gets to wake up the sapphicness in Sansa, I would not complain. She spends so much time flirting with her! I love her for that. "You do turn such a pretty shade of pink.”, "So you're brave as well as beautiful, "I can see how virtuous you are just by looking at those rosy cheeks and big blue eyes of yours."

Sometimes I see this small fraction of fandom being mistrusting of Myranda and I honestly think we are just falling into Littlefinger's trap when we do that. If Petyr tells Sansa not to befriend Myranda, then I will 100% hope Sansa has the common sense to befriend Myranda. Don't take Myranda's derogative comment about Alayne's "Bastard breasts" as genuine, her literal bff/girlfriend is a bastard herself. Nah, but seriously, do we really think that Mya Stone who has been struggling with feelings of abandonment since before we even met her would be "as close as sisters" with Myranda Royce if she truly were a classist evil schemer? I honestly think Littlefinger might be a little afraid of her. She is shrewd, she might not be on board with her father's alliance with Petyr. Maybe that is why she is being threatened by her father to be married to a suitor she wouldn't approve of.

I might be wrong though, who knows. I do understand how her constant bawdy jokes could have also been a method for disorienting and questioning her but the twow preview chapter made me doubt it. For some reason I find her more genuine than Margaery, but as said I'm open to being very wrong about this.

Anyway, here is a small Drabble + art someone made and it's cute and Myranda is funny. I love Myranda.

5. Sansa Stark x Harrold Hardyng

I didn't have a strong opinion on them but then I was sold on them by a fanfic. It seems like this is where canon might be heading and I'm honestly happy for Sansa if she gets to have her high school movie annoyance to lovers romance with a handsome-popular-everybody-wants-him Prep/Jock guy. Good for her. I don't think Harry is an evil person and I hope it remains that way. Depending on which approach GRRM takes to their relationship it could be very comedic while still holding the political plot for the Vale. Their interactions during the Alayne TWOW preview chapter were gold and everything I would expect from the high school AU set in the Middle Ages, this post encapsulates it, I want them to be cringe and weirdly out of place. All the important lords and ladies are talking politics while these two are constantly making everyone uncomfortable with weird one liners.

On the other hand, depending on how long Sansa has to keep up with the Alayne farce, it could also provide for some angst and explorations of identity issues. Lady Waynwood agreed to the betrothal on the condition that Harry himself would agree to it and find "Alayne" to his liking. And I will admit there is something that would be so sweet about Sansa being loved by Harry THE HEIR, as Alayne Stone, some petty lord's bastard.

It is not me she wants her son to marry, it is my claim. No one will ever marry me for love. - Sansa VI, ASOS

I would be so genuinely happy if she is proven wrong. And yes, the Alayne persona is not simply Sansa with another hair colour and name, but it is still part of her. It is a mask of her own face, smoother and only presenting that which she wants to present. It would be interesting to see an actual love story blossom out of this, while she is still painfully aware of their union being a machination of Littlefinger, maybe feeling guilt and insecurity over Alayne being made to play the seductress while Sansa is still underneath that facade wanting to be loved, being loved but not fully aware of it.

Anyway, here is a light angst fanfic about the Sansa-Alayne identity and Harry! It's probably one of my favourite Sansa fics ever, but warning for Petyr Baelish being himself!

+ I think people sleep on the concept of us readers getting to see Littlefinger "losing the girl" for the supposed prep/jock fuckboy again, that would be great.

Not a favourite, because I don't know a lot about Harrold except for that he is kind of a jerk, but I am a very canon person, so I'll probably end up tolerating/liking it if it actually gets to happen.

6. Sansa Stark x Myrcella Baratheon

I feel very weird about this one because I personally tend to distance myself from the captive x captor (including captor's family) ships in asoiaf when they are portrayed as something positive (nothing against those who like them, it's just a personal preference), but maybe because in this case both of them experience the position of hostage/ward and they didn't get to spend a significant amount of time together (two years at most), I am less appalled about possible scenarios in which they meet again in the future. Myrcella being passed off as legitimate when she is a bastard, Sansa being passed off as a bastard when she is legitimate, becoming pawns in political intrigues of others, being isolated from their families at a young age. Dorne treats Myrcella significantly better than King's Landing treated Sansa, but it still is the place where she was maimed and almost killed.

+ The fact that Myrcella is supposed to look almost exactly like Cersei (someone Sansa admired and wanted to emulate only to come to fear and hate her) but has none of her cruelty could be very interesting and torturous to explore if people want to write angst and get into Sansa's psychology. You can make this dark and macabre without having to open the bag with the dead dove.

Here is a (sadly abandoned) post ados fic in which Myrcella travels North as a ward to Lady Sansa, Warden of the North, sent by Queen Daenerys. Othe ships are also tagged, but since it was discontinued they don't appear. It has a very entertaining characterisation for Myrcella and it doesn't bash any of the girls mentioned, so I liked it.

7. Sansa Stark x Lancel Lannister

So, imagine a universe where Sansa chooses Lancel over Tyrion.

At the time, Lancel is still recovering from his wounds, if I remember correctly, and is experiencing his religious awakening. Imagine how different Sansa's arc would have been. Would she be the one seeking for some sort of connection between her and her husband? Lancel would probably have no interest in any possible romance, but he might be less indifferent with Sansa than he was with Amerei given how she aided him when he was wounded even when he had always been a passive participant in her abuse. Would she keep plotting and hoping for an escape with Dontos? Or would Lancel take her away from King's Landing? If he's not marrying Amerei, then he is not getting Derry, but perhaps Sansa could become a claim to Riverrun post-Red Wedding and that would be interesting to see. Sansa in her mother's home, retracing the steps of her parents, but this time differently, as an unwilling usurper to her uncle. Would she meet Jeyne once the Lannisters retake Riverrun?

Would there be a religious conflict between the two? I am an agnostic theology enthusiast, so I really love seeing how religion plays out in the story and since Sansa believes in the Seven Gods and the Old Gods, I think her dual faith would be interesting to see in opposition to Lancel's devotion for and indoctrination by the faith of the Seven.

+ both have Cersei related trauma and I am a sucker for "we share an abuser" dynamics.

I actually really love this possibility, but didn't came up with any of it on my own! What I wrote above is based on conversations between @team-mom-wannabe, @selkiewife and @nosafeanchorage. They created an entire AU for these two, with an astonishing amount of details and care, and then I had to go through the disappointment that is realising no one has ever written a fanfic centred on their possible marriage.

8. Sansa Stark x Val the Wildling

I really like Val. I know some people hate her because they claim she is "not like other girls" or because she wants Shireen to be killed, but I hate the way nlog rhetoric has developed and I come from a continent where 95% of the population was killed by foreigner's diseases (and also by the foreigners themselves of course), so yeah, I will never hold that against her. I understand why that is upsetting to others, but I'm different.

It's weird to me that although show!Sansa was given traits and storylines from many erased female characters and was kind of deprived of her own (and I still hate that show for that and so many other things), they never teased the concept of giving her a wildling partner! Tormund was a completely different character compared to his book counterpart, he was much younger, conventionally attractive and acted as the main leader of the Free Folk after Mance, so I thought they would maybe merge him with Sigorn and tease him and Sansa, but that didn't happen (I don't remember what happened to him. Did he die?). And I won't deny that the lack of a wilding/northerner marriage lead me to have some thoughts about how interesting it could be for her to meet someone from the free folk. And then, because I'm very very sapphic, Val came to my mind, another cool woman they erased. Beautiful and deadly. A subversion of the princess in a tower.

It's fun to see how both, Sansa and Val, are considered the keys to the North/the Free Folk when their titles are practically honorary; Val is not a real princess and the Free Folk wouldn't submit to anyone who forcibly married her, Sansa has been cut out of the inheritance line because she was made to marry an enemy whom the North would never allow into its territory. I think it would be entertaining to see them meet and observe possibly feelings of mutual respect grow and I just really like seeing people from different cultures interact. Free Folk's beliefs around courtship and how romance and marriage are always meant to carry some sort of violence are fascinating to me. The idea of being "stolen" is a concept I initially associated to non-consensual dynamics, but in fairy tales we often have characters saving the female heroine/love interest by stealing/rescuing them. The way women are often made to be objects of conquest or rewards in most folkloric stories and fairy tales conditions their rescue as theft, since they often belong to the villain only to be passed to another male character. This also is somewhat true in Sansa's case specifically with Tyrion and Petyr, although I would argue Petyr is a lot worse for Sansa than Tyrion. Anyway, I would really like to see how Sansa, who has always been on the edge of rape but has managed to avoid it (she has still been mistreated and fondled in situations of dubious consent, but not violated like Jeyne or Dany), would react to their customs.

+ depending on whether you believe in Sansa's possible complicity in the poisoning of Sweetrobin there could be soooo much room for projection and angst if she gets to see Val being motherly and so very loving to "her nephew" (even when it's not really her nephew and she knows) while still advocating for Shireen's death. Oh, that could be very very fun to read.

9. Sansa Stark x Podrick Payne

awwww he is crushing on his boss's wife! :D

I feel weird about this one being so low given how it's the only one in this bunch with some canon support. This is uncommon for me. It's probably simply because I find her dynamic with Tyrion more interesting, but this is cute anyway!

I do wonder why no one has thought more seriously about them in canon given how Pod is Brienne's traveling companion and might come to meet Sansa again sometime soon (if they survive LSH (on that note, I'd love it if he gets to tell her about Catelyn/LSH)).

I don't know. Podrick is a good kid and Sansa deserves good things. I just haven't found a lot of thematics in their possible dynamic that interest me, but I'm open to them.

+ Sansa's weird traumatic dreams involving Ilyn Payne. Someone make something out of this.

Sadly haven't found many fanfics that have sparked my interest, but I really like this gif-set!

10. Sansa Stark x Tristifer Botley

I had been wondering about this concept for a while and thought that in another universe where the war didn't happen or the possible Iron Islands/The North alliance was settled in terms that included more marriages between them, this could have been interesting, albeit improbable since House Botley isn't as relevant as House Stark, but interesting! And then I came across this really sweet post-ados fanfic by @/alleyskywalker in which Sansa is married to him to build bonds with the Islands since all realms are now independent again and I thought it was cute. Tris was lovely and I liked reading him. He is a character I feel conflicted about, but I don't think he is evil, I just didn't like the way he approached Asha. I jokingly refer to him as a nice guy™, but honestly he is just an actual nice guy with a gentle nature and romantic tendencies and I really love how he is a character whom Asha deems "too sweet for the Iron Islands", and still he is part of the Iron Islands and is accepted as one by the other Ironborn. Her claim is never backed on by anyone else.

His courteous and polite ways could probably match Sansa's dreams of chivalry very well. It would also be fun to see her adapt to the Islands, considering the Northerners' mistrust (and also some bigotry) for the Ironborn and how different their culture is compared to that of the southern courts that Sansa dreamed of and idealized. It could be fun.

My honour mentions in no particular order

Sansa Stark x Harras Harlaw

For similar reasons to Tristifer Botley, but although we know less about Harras' personality, we know he is a salt son and a knight, something most of his fellow Ironborn frown upon. To me, that is odd and fun to think about. Does he worship the Seven Gods AND the Drowned God simultaneously? His mother is a Serret of the Westerlands. Could she have been the one to make him be more fond of southern culture? I don't know, but I like to think that is the case and if so, I think him and Sansa could possibly have some things in common.

Sansa Stark x Mya Stone

Not one I'm actively searching stuff for, but I get a visit from my good ol' friend Sarah Tonin whenever I stumble upon it and I can understand why people are into it:

Baratheon x Stark (but f/f)

Bastard x Noble (but f/f + subverted because "Alayne")

Mya's connection to Catelyn (Lady Stoneheart would approve)

There is also the fact that Mya is one of the most honest and frank characters Sansa has met ever since the story began. I will defend Myranda but I think she is shrewd, Margaery...well we know how that ended...Mya is different! She doesn't seem to be hiding any secrets or have any ulterior motives in her friendliness. Her abandonment issues would be interesting to explore among with Sansa's overall introspection + her isolation in King's Landing and her new (and sadly well) founded mistrust for others.

Honestly, my favourite daydream just involves them having a conversation about Sansa's parents and Mya telling her all she can remember and consoling her, while being open about her own issues, but sadly I don't have any creative abilities and can't come up with anything beyond that.

Here is a short, but interesting, fanfic that takes place post AFFC, but was written before the TWOW preview chapters came out. I thought it was lovely.

Sansa Stark x Jeyne Poole

Kind of an obvious one and one I struggle with because I can see the appeal of childhood friends torn apart by war and then reuniting after both went through different hells, but the way fandom treats it often just annoys me. I think there are a few unaddressed issues that make it more difficult for me to enjoy the way it's portrayed in fanon. I guess we could say I like it as a rhænicent that never got truly toxic and just remained bittersweet with a few kneeps of resentment, feelings of inferiority and maybe some misplaced anger coming from Jeyne . There is a fanfic though that I think is unmatched when it comes to what I would like : (1) + (2) but warning for canon compliant Jeyne storyline fucked upness + mild ambiguous Theyne (the Jeynsa is ambiguous too, but in my opinion less than the theyne, and it is just as important, not a side-ship. Overall one of my favourite fics ever).

Rolly Duckfield

"He is as tall as Griff now. Three days ago he knocked Duck into a horse trough." "I wasn't knocked. I fell in just to make him laugh." - Tyrion III, ADWD

I love Duck. He reminds me of my best friend and I think Sansa could use someone like that in her life. I have nothing else to add.

[raspberryfingers]

A Lion in the Garden -Tywin Lannister x Reader- (Part 27)

WARNINGS: Use of Moon Tea (aka abortion/pregnancy prevention)

A/N: I’m really sorry to everyone who picked yes in the poll, because I know it’s annoying of me to even ask for opinions if I’m not going to listen, but I felt that children weren’t right for Lady Tyrell and Tywin.

This is mostly because I didn’t want to feel like I was betraying my characters, and yes I know it’s not real, but to make Lady Tyrell become a mother when she’s been so adamantly against it for so long would’ve felt wrong to me. She’s always been afraid of being cast aside either for marriage or for having children, and while her marriage thankfully did not do that, realistically being a mother requires a great deal of your time and effort. Being a parent usually comes before all else, especially for women in Westeros, and I don’t want to take that freedom from her.

There is also Tywin, who in many fics I read is more than happy to have children with the reader. And while this isn’t a false interpretation—he certainly wants to continue his legacy and having more children would improve that—it’s also an interpretation that usually comes with arranged marriage fics. Now, like I said, I don’t mind that and it makes perfect sense to me, but given that Tywin has repeatedly shown great deals of emotion whenever Lady Tyrell puts herself in danger suggests to me that he wouldn’t be entirely excited about her having his children. Not because he doesn’t want them, but because he’s afraid of any complications during birth, especially because of Joanna.

So, this is my apology for deciding to ignore the overwhelming amount of support Tywin and Lady Tyrell got for having children, my bad guys. On the bright side, though, I have noted I will continue to write Tywin Lannister oneshots once this story is finished. While some of them will be a sort of continuation of A Lion in the Garden, some will just be regular oneshots, and I will write y’all the fluffiest, most wholesome Tywin dad fic you’ve ever read I PROMISE.

So, overall, just know I didn’t decide to not listen just for fun, I genuinely have reasons that I didn’t feel I could ignore, and also know that I am sorry. With that aside though, I hope y’all still really enjoy the story because I’ve got some big stuff coming up for these last few chapters🤭

—————

It was rather early in the morning, but just as always, Qyburn was awake. Not to mention, he was already in his laboratory researching and conducting experiments.

In fact, he was preparing to start brewing something when there was a knock at his door. It surprised him given that the sun was just barely peeking over the sea. 

Qyburn rose from his chair, making his way to the door and pulling it open. He found Tywin Lannister standing there, much to his surprise.

“My lord, how can I help you?” He asked, wondering why the Hand had seeked him out so early, especially the morning after his wedding. Additionally, Qyburn was also curious as to why he had not gone to Pycelle. He was the Grand Maester, after all. 

“There’s something I’d like to inquire about. May I come in?” Tywin asked, peering over the shorter man’s shoulder and observing the dark, messy room.

“Of course, my lord. I can clear a chair if you’d like to sit,” Qyburn offered, stepping aside so Tywin could enter and then shutting the door behind him. He couldn’t help but feel nervous, wondering if perhaps his experiments had once again gone too far and the man wished for him to leave. 

“There’s no need, I’d like to keep this quite brief.”

“Very well, I-“

“My daughter trusts you quite a lot, doesn’t she?” Tywin questioned suddenly, interrupting the ex-maester and turning to look at him. 

“I hope she does, my lord.”

Tywin nodded, hands folded behind his back as he gazed down at the dusty wooden floors. The air was thick and damp, and he wondered how Qyburn ever managed to get anything done without coughing and struggling to breathe. 

“It’s rare that my daughter trusts people, especially outside of our family. However, there are certain qualities that win her over quite easily. Those of loyalty, and of secrecy. I wonder if perhaps I could make use of those traits and ask something of you,” Tywin said stiffly, watching Qyburn light another candle as he did. The small man gazed over, suddenly intrigued. 

“Certainly, my lord. If it is within my capabilities, I shall do it.”

“And I can trust you to keep it to yourself? To tell nobody, including my daughter?” 

“Yes, my lord.”

Tywin observed him thoughtfully, almost as if he was waiting for a but, or a request. Surely this man’s silence would come with a price.

“I will reward you handsomely for it.”

“There is no need, your lord.”

Now this made him raise an eyebrow. The favor and his silence for no price at all? Tywin had met plenty of men in his life, but none had ever been entirely selfless.

“If you do not wish for money, then what is it that you desire? Power? Land?” Tywin interrogated, taking a slow step towards the smaller man. Qyburn only smiled.

“None of those, my lord. I merely wish to experiment and research in peace. It is my one passion and calling, and with both the hospitality of you and her grace, I am allowed to do so. That alone is enough to secure my silence and my services whenever you should require,” he explained, giving a gentle, subtle smile to the Lord Hand. Tywin thought for a moment, and then nodded.

“I see. The task I have for you is nothing quite so… strenuous as what you did for my daughter. I simply require moon tea, though it must be made with the utmost precision. I need it to be entirely effective,” he explained, watching carefully for any hint of change on Qyburn’s face. There was no shock, nor any joy. The request was merely a job to him, not a rumor to be spread. 

“I can have that ready within the hour, if you wish,” he offered, raising an eyebrow and running through a mental list of the ingredients he would need from his cupboard. 

“Thank you, that would be convenient,” Tywin accepted, beginning to walk towards the door. Qyburn moved as well, reaching for the handle but not opening it.

“Will that be all, my lord?”

“Yes, thank you.”

“Of course,” Qyburn nodded, pausing and pressing his lips together for a moment, “May I ask you something, my lord?”

Tywin paused, raising both eyebrows as a sign for him to do it. 

“Why have you come to me? The Grand Maester is much closer to the tower of the hand, and he would be able to brew such a thing just as well.”

Tywin inhaled, looking Qyburn directly in his eyes and sucking in one of his cheeks as he contemplated.

“As I said, my daughter trusts you.”

—————

The sun was shining through the windows when I woke, and though Tywin was not beside me, I was glad to find he was still in the room, writing letters at the table instead of sitting in his office.

“Good morning,” I greeted, smiling and rolling onto my side to face him a bit better. He looked up, smiling back at me and setting his quill down. 

“Good morning, wife.”

Tywin stood from his seat, making his way over to me and leaning down to press his lips to mine. I reciprocated happily, my hand against his cheek. I always enjoyed the gentle prickle of his beard, and I continued to cup his face even after he had pulled away. 

“How early did you wake up?” I asked, yawning and leaning into his touch as he tucked some hair behind my ear. 

“Just over an hour ago. Would you like to bathe?” Tywin asked, making me raise my eyebrows and nod instantly. I wanted to bathe very badly, and I smiled upon catching a glimpse of the steaming tub in the corner of the room. 

I got up rather eagerly, making my way over to it and cautiously stepping it. It was the perfect temperature, and I let out a content sigh as I lowered down and sat in it. 

Tywin shrugged off his coat, and I began to laugh when he rolled up his sleeves and kneeled beside the tub. He motioned for me to lean back, and I did so, allowing him to help me wet my hair.

“Let’s see if you manage to do this better than Cerella,” I teased, feeling the hot water against my scalp and relaxing. Tywin gave a slight scoff, entirely wetting my hair now and letting his hands go through it to massage my scalp. 

“I highly doubt that. I’ll attempt to be comparable,” he replied, reaching for the soap and coating his hands in it before coming back to my hair. In the meantime, I had begun to wash my body, and suddenly the shock of what had accidentally happened the night before returned to me. 

“Tywin, last night-“

“I know, (Y/N). When we’re done with this, we can discuss the subject. For now, just relax, hm?” He urged me, giving a look of utmost sincerity. I nodded then, swallowing and allowing him to continue with my hair. 

Somehow, his hands did manage to make me relax, and I was leaning into his touch completely as he continued to massage my head. I found that I had nearly fallen asleep until I was jolted from my trance by a knock at the door. 

“Cerella?” I questioned, looking back at Tywin. He nodded, and I called out for her to enter. There was a creek of the door, and then a few moments later she came into view. 

“My lord! I can handle that,” she exclaimed upon seeing Tywin knelt beside the tub, hands in my hair. She had brought fresh sheets with her, and instantly placed them down at the end of the bed before coming over.

Tywin waved her off, shaking his head as he continued to wash my hair. 

“I’d like to bathe my wife myself today. Change out the sheets in the meantime,” Tywin said, though Cerella gave me a cautious glance as if asking whether or not I actually wanted Tywin to do my hair. I gave her a nod, letting her know that I was enjoying this.

“Of course, my lord.”

I watched her move across the room and begin to pull the sheets from the bed, though she looked over her shoulder to smile and raise an eyebrow at me. I began to laugh, knowing she was making insinuations that we’d obviously had quite the night. 

Tywin of course understood why I was laughing, and out of the corner of my eyes I saw him roll his own and then smile in guilty amusement. 

“Lean your head back, (Y/N),” Tywin whispered after a moment, to which I complied and closed my eyes. I felt the warm water against my scalp once again, and it stayed this way for a few minutes until all the soap was entirely out. When that was done, Tywin rose from beside me and grabbed a towel, bringing it back over and waiting for me to rise.

Carefully, I stood up in the tub and held Tywin’s arm as I stepped out. He wrapped me in the towel then, placing a gentle kiss on my forehead as he did. 

“I’ll dry and braid your hair right now, m’lady,” Cerella said, tucking the last corner of the sheets into the bed and then fixing the pillows. Tywin was helping me into my undergarments currently, and proceeded to pick out a rather lovely red gown. 

“Already dressing me in Lannister colors?” I teased as he helped me into it. 

“I’ve been wanting to for months. Plus, we leave for Casterly Rock today. My siblings will be pleased to see it.”

I could feel his hands at the back, messing with the strings and pulling them so the dress fit snugly, though comfortably, against me. Tywin was correct, Kevan and Genna probably would appreciate the gesture, and I hoped it would make a good impression, for I’d only chatted with the two of them briefly. 

“Are we leaving in the afternoon?” I questioned, turning to face Tywin now that he was finished with my dress. He nodded, and then motioned to Cerella, who was standing by the dresser waiting for me.

For the next half hour, Tywin and I continued to leisurely chat while my hair was done and while he answered more letters. The odd thing was, my husband seemed unusually tense, and even then it was not necessarily an angry sort of tense, it was almost… well, awkward.

“You’re all done, my lady,” Cerella said, placing her hands on my shoulders as I admired my hair in the mirror, turning my head to both sides to see all the angles. 

“Thank you, Cerella, it looks lovely.”

“Of course. I’ll leave the two of you be now.”

Cerella left the room briskly, and once the door was shut I turned my chair toward Tywin and sighed.

“You’re in a mood, Tywin. What's wrong? Is it… well, about last night?” I questioned, hands in my lap. I couldn’t help but fidget with the fabric of my sleeves. 

He placed his quill down, taking a deep breath before meeting my eyes. He rose from his chair then, going to sit on the sofa and beckoning me to join him. I did so, despite the nervous wobbling in my legs as I walked toward him. 

Once I had sat beside him, he took my hands in his and gave them a gentle squeeze. 

“I’m not- I’m not upset, (Y/N). I’m conflicted,” Tywin said softly, keeping his eyes focused on mine so I would know he was being entirely genuine. 

“About?”

He opened his mouth and then paused before closing it again. There was silence in the room, and everything seemed so still. 

“(Y/N), the topic of children was raised by your grandmother yesterday, and I’d like to apologize for not asking you sooner. During the course of our relationship, you have always noted—either outright or inadvertently—that you don’t wish to be a mother. I made the mistake of assuming that your sentiments have not changed, rather than asking you. We haven’t had a conversation about children, and given what’s happened I think we ought to,” Tywin said, motioning with his head just as he always did when he was coming to a point. I nodded in agreement, swallowing.

“I just- I don’t know. I’ve never seen myself as a mother, Tywin. I’ve never craved it the way that some women do. Cersei, for example, adores her children more than anything else on earth, and I’m told that usually mothers are supposed to feel that way. That the second your child comes into the world, you instantly love and cherish it, and suddenly nothing else matters. And maybe that’s right, maybe I would enjoy being a mother and I just don’t know it yet, but I- I can’t see myself that way,” I explained, looking down at my lap because it was difficult to admit. And in truth, I feared I was disappointing Tywin. He had always valued his legacy over nearly everything, and what gave me the right to prevent that?

“And I’m- I’m sorry, Tywin. I’m sure you were hoping I could be persuaded, or that perhaps because my sentiments of marriage have changed that my views on children would have too, but I can’t. I know it would be dramatic to claim that I would lose all sense of self as a mother, but often I feel that way. Even besides being viewed as weak or in no condition to be leading armies, I- I’ve always feared becoming another person. After my mother gave birth to Margaery, she- she was changed. She behaved in ways that she had not after birthing Loras. She became quite melancholy, and often woke in the middle of the night and accidentally harmed herself. It seemed- it seemed she was not entirely, well, my mother, and the maesters had not a clue what was wrong. It’s the reason Margaery is so close to both my grandmother and I, for we had to take over in some ways. And, over the years, I have heard of many women who become quite- well, who change after having children, and it does frighten me. I don’t- I don’t want to ruin the happiness I have with you right now,” I rambled, not letting Tywin speak because I needed to fully express myself before he said anything. He held my eyes the entire time, genuine understanding on his face.

“(Y/N), I never expected children from you,” he said after a moment, catching me completely off guard. I had begun to gape, and both eyebrows were raised in shock.

“If I had, we would’ve discussed it already. In fact, I- I don’t…” Tywin paused, and his voice had an odd tremble to it, almost as if he was going to cry. 

“I don’t want children from you, (Y/N). As much as I- as I believe that you would do a wonderful job, and as much as I care for my legacy, your safety has and will always be more important to me. Childbirth includes far too many risks and… and after what happened with Joanna… to put it lightly, I don’t believe I would take another loss very well. I need you more than I need another son or daughter, (Y/N),” he said slowly, trying to maintain a calm and even tone especially as he spoke of Joanna. It was not easy, I knew. I processed what he’d said, and understood that we had come to a mutual agreement against children. A part of me felt relieved, and the part that didn’t felt guilty for being relieved, especially because Tywin’s reasoning was so saddening. 

“If that’s the case, Tywin, then what… what are we going to do about what happened last night?” I asked softly, still feeling weighed down by that issue. An odd look passed across Tywin’s face, and then it was gone. 

He rose from the couch, glancing at me before leaving the room. I sat silently, wondering what he was doing, for I knew he wouldn’t have dared to simply walk out. My best guess was that he was leaving to get something. 

I sat for another minute or so before finally hearing the door open and watching Tywin enter the room with a cup in his hands. As he sat beside me once more, the scent of the liquid inside hit my nostrils, and a nervous suspicion rose inside me.

“Tywin?” I questioned warily, seeing the guilt on his face as he removed the lid. Yes, it was moon tea. Not exactly a minute long brew, and Tywin knew that just as well as I did. 

“I asked Qyburn to make it for me early this morning,” he informed, knowing I was surely wondering how he had acquired it. For a moment my fear dissipated, at least knowing that Pycelle had not been asked for it. Then it returned as I processed that someone still knew.

“What?”

“Cersei trusts him, (Y/N). Do you think Cersei trusts just anyone? No. He will not tell of this, I assure you,” Tywin tried to calm me, but I had already risen from my seat, shaking my head with disbelief. 

“Why would you go to Qyburn without consulting me, Tywin? Why would you risk exposing us to scandal this way? I know that everyone around us understands our marriage was a love match, but something has to convince them that it is also political, including my father. He approved of your demand to name me head of the Tyrell army with the impression that someday we would have children, and it would be one thing to claim I was infertile and couldn’t bear any, but to risk exposure by requesting moon tea from Qyburn?” I lectured, clenching my skirts and speaking frantically. My thoughts were racing, and I felt mortified at the prospect of people finding out that Tywin and I were purposefully avoiding children. It was simply something that a woman would not dare ask for in a marriage, and nobody would have the foresight to consider that perhaps Tywin did not want children either. 

“As I said, I trust him not to spread rumors. He has helped House Lannister a great deal, and I’m not so stupid as to speak with Pycelle. I also understand that while you are a woman of many talents, moon tea must be brewed precisely, and you are no maester,” Tywin explained, standing and approaching me. He placed his hands on my shoulders, holding my attention as he reassured me. I let out a sigh, seemingly pacified until something else appeared in the back of my mind. My eyes shot up, and I gave Tywin a questioning glare.

“What would you have done if I had wanted children, Tywin? Why would you have asked Qyburn for moon tea before we even spoke upon the subject?” I asked, suddenly connecting the dots. My husband looked down at me with a firm stare, as if contemplating which path might be smoother: honesty or lies. 

“I believe you already know why, my dear,” he replied evenly, his crystal blue eyes unwavering. There was no guilt on his face, which managed to anger me even more.

“You would have given it to me without my knowledge? Even if I had wanted children, even if my stance had changed entirely and they were the only thing on earth I wanted? Would you have slipped it in my wine anyways?” I snarled, fuming and feeling the angry heat spread throughout my body with each word I spoke. I was baffled and furious that he would dare to violate me in such a way.

“No. If children were the one thing that you truly desired more than anything, I would not have done it. If you felt passionately that you were meant to be a mother, I would not have done it. But if you had been merely willing or open to the idea of children, then yes, I would have. I don’t care if that upsets you, (Y/N), because I’ve told you time and time again that I will do whatever I can to protect you. I will exert every ounce of power I have over the gods to keep you safe, to keep you alive. I need you to understand that your anger does not bother me in the slightest, because I would rather see you furious with me than listen to you scream and watch you bleed out while attempting to birth a child. I can’t- I cannot do that again,” he said, his hand coming to the back of my head and forcing me to look up at him as he spoke. There was something so honest and desperate in his voice that it nearly frightened me. I began to realize that much like most of our arguments, it was once again boiling down to the same thing. 

He could not lose me. 

Or rather, he could not lose another wife. 

Though I felt I ought to have remained angry, I knew it was not often that Tywin became this way with me. He only felt the need to go against me when it came to my safety, and though I would be angered and annoyed each time, it would not last. There was nothing made more clear to me in these last several months than that the impact of Joanna’s death was never going to fade away. Every belief Tywin had within our relationship and now our marriage, every principle. It was because of Joanna. 

“Do you think we’ll ever stop having the same argument, Tywin?” I muttered softly, feeling my tense muscles relax just as his did. His hand moved from my head to my cheek, and he took a deep breath before shaking his head.

“No. No, we will always have this argument. It doesn’t matter if we see each other’s perspectives clearly, it doesn’t matter if we want to respect them. As much as I wish- as I wish I could ignore the fear I feel, I cannot. I need you to be safe, (Y/N), even if it leaves you upset. And I apologize for that,” he sighed, eyebrows slightly coming together with a sort of sad concern. 

“I know, Tywin. I know. I just- well, we need more trust. I need you to understand that I’m aware of why you do things like this. I don’t hold it against you, and it makes perfect sense. I just- I merely wish you would be more direct when you have these feelings. I wish you would just say ‘(Y/N), I need you to be safe,’ or something along those lines. I only require honesty,” I explained, placing my hands on his chest and giving him a pleading look. 

“The problem is, with most of the situations in which we have had this argument, it has happened after something has already taken place. Such as the tourney, or your run in with The Mountain,” he pointed out, to which I looked down somewhat shamefully.

“Yes, I know. But I am done with that now, I promise. I’m certain I’ve said that before but I mean it now. I’m- I’m your wife, Tywin, and I desire your trust more than you know. I’m going to earn it,” I said, bringing my own hand up to his cheek now. I could feel him leaning into my palm, and I brushed my thumb against his face. 

“And I will be more open about my- feelings of anxiety,” he mumbled, as if admitting to it was something horrible. I merely smiled and placed a gentle kiss on his cheek. 

“Thank you, Tywin.”

As I sat back down on the sofa and drank the moon tea, I reflected that despite the fact that Tywin and I had had many arguments, they had never lasted particularly long. I was not afraid to be honest, and in turn he was usually quite articulate. I also reflected that the most important thing was to genuinely resolve our conflicts. And knowing that we had just resolved this one made me smile, even if the tea was slightly bitter. 

—————

It had been nearly a week since our wedding, and after several days of travel, we had finally reached Casterly Rock. 

With the Kingdoms at peace and the peasants of Kings Landing well fed, Tywin and I saw no reason why we shouldn’t step away for awhile after our wedding, especially because he had been meaning to take me back for quite some time now. Plus, Tyrion would take his place until we returned.

We had traveled back with Genna and Kevan, who were both absolutely delightful and just as cunning as Tywin. Kevan was much more polite than Tywin, which in some ways made him even more dangerous because there was a potential to underestimate him. Genna on the other hand opted for humor, and frequently teased Tywin much to his endearing annoyance. She had also immediately taken to me, just as I had taken to her, and I found that each conversation we had made me adore her even more. 

It was quite fascinating to watch Tywin with his siblings, for he had such a different dynamic with them, and with Genna especially. He and Kevan had been working as a team for their entire lives, but with Genna it seemed that Tywin cared very deeply and was quite protective, even if he would never admit it.

I had already known of Tygett’s death and Gerion’s adventures from which he had not returned, but I had certainly not been aware of the fact that Tywin’s youngest brothers had not particularly been in his favor. Genna had informed me of it one day when Tywin and Kevan had opted to go out hunting. I had been invited, but knew it would be rude of me to leave Genna alone and chose to stay behind instead. 

During that conversation, I had received a hearty confession of gratitude, for apparently I had knocked some sense into her eldest brother and reminded him how to smile. It made me happy to hear Genna talk about him that way, because I could hear both the plain adoration and the criticism in her voice, both of which I felt Tywin deserved. 

Beyond that, the days of travel had been filled with pleasant chatter and stories, not to mention good food. However, I was glad to finally reach Casterly Rock, and to my surprise it was just as big as I had remembered it. 

“What do you think?”

I turned to Tywin, gaping at the enormous mountain before me. It was even taller than the wall, and I was baffled by the fact that most of the castle was inside of the giant rock, for the part exposed to the outside was already large enough. In a way, Casterly Rock was perfectly fitting for Tywin. Formidable on the outside even without consideration of everything hidden underneath. 

“It feels less frightening this time around. It feels as though I belong here this time,” I said, slowing my horse down to a walk just as he did. The wheelhouse was pleasant, but at some point I had wished to see the landscape more fully than its small windows afforded. 

“You do belong here now, you are the Lady of Casterly Rock. Though we’re cursed by my position as hand and will probably not see very much of it,” he remarked, which somehow made me sad. Tywin was certainly the most effective hand Westeros had seen in centuries, and as a result he had been forced from the one place he felt truly comfortable. 

It was odd to consider, because although Kings Landing had produced many fond memories over the last few years, it would never replace Highgarden. I imagined Tywin felt the same about Casterly Rock. 

“Well, I intend to make the most of the time we spend here either way. Plus, I’ve been enjoying your family quite a lot. They’re wonderful,” I said with a smile, turning over my shoulder to glance at the wheelhouse trailing behind us. Tywin scoffed.

“You’ve been enjoying Kevan and Genna. The rest of them are not so pleasant.”

“Whatever you say, Tywin. It’s not as if I’ll be forced to spend much time with them in a castle as big as this,” I replied, also knowing that this next week or so was going to be spent entirely around Tywin’s side, which meant the closest of the family members would be Genna and Kevan. 

“No, thankfully we won’t. It’ll just be at the feast tonight and then that’ll be all. Most of them are cousins once or twice removed, and only Lannisters in name and looks,” Tywin grumbled bitterly, jaw boldening just as it did whenever he was irritated. Part of me found it humorous just how much he cared, but I simultaneously knew it would be better not to point that out. 

“I’ll cry tears of joy upon returning to King's Landing and seeing hair that isn’t golden,” I huffed, laughing to myself and shaking my head at how ridiculous Tywin was being. Who was I to care about a family that was not my own? If anything, Tywin’s contempt for them probably meant they didn’t have a sword up the ass and could actually tell a decent joke, something that he only took from me and a younger sister. 

“Luckily for you, mine isn’t so golden anymore.”

I only grinned at him, joy consuming me. I had complete and utter confidence that this trip would be extremely enjoyable, not to mention, it would certainly be eventful.

—————

“And lastly, my chambers. Or rather ours now.”

Tywin had certainly taken me on quite the tour of The Rock, including his vast knowledge of history with nearly every room we entered, and after several hours we had finally gotten to the part I’d been most excited for. 

Two large double doors were pulled open by the guards, and I stepped into the room with an open mouth. Every piece of furniture was carefully adorned with gold and extreme, gorgeous detail, and of course there was no lack of deep crimson to accompany it. But what was truly awe inspiring was the absolutely massive window at the end of the room, enveloping the entire wall and looking out over the sea. It put the view from the Tower of the Hand to utter shame. 

“Oh Tywin… it’s gorgeous,” I whispered, unable to avert my gaze for at least a minute as I took it all in. There was a low, quiet chuckle from behind me, and I felt his arms wrap around my waist. 

“It’s certainly better than the tower of the hand,” he mumbled, burying his head in the crook of my neck. I found it odd that he was being so clingy, but I brushed it off and simply let him. 

“The bed looks quite comfortable,” I noted to him, observing the various blankets and pillows covering it. It was somehow even larger than his bed in King's Landing.

“It is. And we’ll be spending quite a lot of time in it tonight, rest assured,” he said, kissing the side of my throat as I inhaled.

“Ahuh, to get your mind off of your burdensome family, am I correct?” I teased, turning around and smiling up at the man. He nodded, cupping my cheek. He said nothing, and I found a sort of sadness in his eyes.

“Are you alright, Tywin?” I asked, furrowing my eyebrows with concern. I wondered if he was thinking of his late wife.

“I’m fine, my dear.”

“Did you… did you share these chambers with her?” I allowed myself to question, surprised when he shook his head.

“No. This room was built just under three decades ago. I- I could not stand to stay in that room after what happened. There was a perpetual blood stain in the bed frame, and I refused to part with any of her belongings. Kevan knew I would go mad if nothing was done and had the room locked up permanently. These chambers were built in the months following that,” Tywin explained, looking over my shoulder at the windows so he wouldn’t have to meet my eyes. He was sucking in his cheeks the way he did whenever he felt the urge to cry. 

I remained quiet, wrapping my arms around him and keeping him close. For a moment, he simply stood there and processed his emotions. Then I felt his hand on the back of my head, and the other around my back. Tywin leaned into me completely and allowed himself the comfort. 

“Thank you,” he whispered, calming himself with my familiar scent and forcing himself to pull away from me. I nodded, placing a reassuring hand on his chest.

“Of course, my love.”

He tucked a strand of hair behind my ear and then looked around, nodding casually.

“Come, we ought to change for the feast. I’m afraid that your wardrobe is going to be entirely crimson this week, wife,” Tywin noted, moving away and going to the closet. Upon opening it, I saw that he was correct. A range of dresses were there, but all adorned with red and gold. 

Tywin, on the other hand, was afforded his usual coats. I saw him reach for the black one with gold lions along the bottom and the lapels. 

“Is there a particular dress you’d like to see me in tonight?” I asked, coming up beside him and carefully running my hands through the various garments to examine them all. 

“This one.”

Tywin stopped my hand, reaching in for the dress I was currently on and pulling it out. It was positively gorgeous, with shoulders and sleeves that were precisely Lannister styled. 

I smiled at my husband, taking the gown from his hands and going over to the mirror. I placed it down on the small table beside me, watching as Tywin approached and began to help me undo the back of my dress. We’d become quite used to doing this, it seemed. 

“Thank you, Tywin,” I said softly, removing my current dress completely and reaching for the other one. He stopped me, however, and opted to help me with that too. 

“If you decide to jest right now, I’ll let you do it yourself,” he said then, noticing the smirk on my face as I opened my mouth. I did not reply, but gave a hearty laugh and moved into the dress as he needed me to. I knew that if I did decide to speak, I’d be unable to resist teasing that he was better than Cerella.

Either way, he persisted in his task and made sure everything was in place. I had a feeling that we’d be making quite the entrance tonight and he wanted to take the opportunity to show me off a bit. 

Once he’d finished helping me dress, I returned the favor and fixed his hair. Though he gave me a look, not enjoying the same minute attention that he was always giving me, I knew he at the very least appreciated it. My husband was not very nit-picky about his appearance, but he was well groomed.

“Everyone’s going to stare when we enter the hall,” I noted, observing how we both looked in the mirror and finding that we painted quite the picture. We looked every bit the lord and lady of Casterly Rock.

“It’s almost as if that was what I had intended,” he replied sarcastically, hand brushing against the side of my face. I rolled my eyes at him, grabbing his arm with the implication that he ought to escort me to the great hall now. We had passed by it during the ‘tour,’ but Tywin had insisted I would see enough of it at the feast.

“Come, husband. I desire a good meal.”

Tywin said no more, leaving the room with me on his arm. As we walked, servants and members of the extended family could not help but gape. It seemed that even beyond the fact that I was Tywin’s new wife, the sight of us was rather intense. After all, both Tywin and I had always held ourselves with the utmost confidence. It’s a skill one learns when they intend to acquire power and respect.

“That makes 23,” I whispered to him as another maid walked past us. Tywin raised his eyebrow with me, clearly not understanding what I meant by ‘23.’

“23?”

“The 23rd person who was gaped upon seeing us. By the time we make it to the great hall, there won’t be anybody left in the castle who hasn’t,” I joked, laughing to myself as he shook his head. 

“All the Lannisters anywhere near Casterly Rock have been invited to this feast. When we walk through the large double doors, I promise you that far more than 23 people will be gaping,” he muttered back to me, turning into a much larger, grander hallway. When I spotted the great doors at the end of it, a sort of nervousness filled me. It was almost as if I had just processed that the man beside me was the only person I truly knew here. 

When we reached the doors, two servants reached for the handles and began to pull them open. A crack of light appeared in front of me, and Tywin broadened his shoulders beside me. I did the same, holding my head high despite my fear.

A lion does not concern itself with the opinions of the sheep.

I did not bother to contemplate that I wasn’t actually a lion but a rose, and that I was quite literally walking into the lion’s den. It wouldn’t have mattered though, because the only lion that truly mattered was Tywin.

Both doors swung open completely, and it took everything in my power to not react to the great hall. It was absolutely huge, and certainly gorgeous. More than that, I couldn’t recall a time I’d ever seen so many blonde haired people in one room. There were at least a hundred Lannisters seated among the various tables, and when they realized who was entering, they all stood up.

After waiting a moment, Tywin continued into the hall and made his way directly down the middle, approaching the head table where Kevan, Genna, and their respective partners sat waiting for us. When we got there, I pulled my hand off of Tywin’s arm and watched as he pulled out my chair. The room was so quiet you could’ve heard a pin drop, as everyone was so entranced by the scene before them.

Tywin Lannister pulling out another person’s chair?

I sat down, looking over at him as he pulled out his own chair and joined me. Once we were both seated, the hall was filled with the sound of chairs scraping, everyone eager to sit back down. I let out the breath I had been holding in, glad that people were no longer watching so carefully.

“My dear, I think half of the men in this room forgot they were married,” Genna said, leaning over towards me and smiling. I let out a good laugh, shaking my head at her. 

“I beg to differ, but thank you for the flattery. I think they were more shocked to see Tywin letting someone grab his arm.”

We both laughed then, causing Tywin and Kevan to look over at us curiously. My husband took a deep breath.

“What is so amusing, wife?”

“Nothing that concerns you, husband.”

He merely shook his head at me, turning back toward his brother and chatting about something or other. They were prone to intellectual and political conversations, and I quite frankly was not interested at the moment. 

“Would you give me a run down, Genna? I would assume you know all of these people much better than Tywin does,” I reasoned, glancing around at everyone surrounding us. They were slightly below us too. Genna nodded instantly, taking a sip of her wine and then motioning about the hall as she spoke.

“Most of these people are cousins, but obviously some are closer than others. The third cousins and such are at that table back there. There are also the Lannisters of Lannisport, though I am not quite so familiar with them. Think of it this way, the closer the table, the closer they are to Tywin. Everyone at these first two tables is a cousin, nephew, or niece. There are a few grandchildren too, of course,” Genna explained, pointing out a few different people to me afterwards. I tried as hard as I possibly could to ferment the information in my brain, even if it was a pointless endeavor. 

As Genna was pointing out a few people at the table to our left, I couldn’t help noticing that Tywin was staring at something. Kevan was talking, of course, but my husband was sipping his wine and somewhere entirely different. I glanced over at where I assumed he was looking and caught sight of two older but quite handsome women. I furrowed my eyebrows and inquired about them to Genna.

“Genna, who are those two women? Seated right here to our left?”

“Oh, those two are cousins, daughters of Jason Lannister.”

“Are they..?”

“Joanna’s younger sisters? Yes. Tywin does his utmost to avoid them, it seems.”

I looked at them once more, observing that they looked quite similar, and reasoned that perhaps Joanna had too. Glancing at Tywin, I realized that he looked utterly numb. Many would argue that he always did, but I knew better.

I reached under the table, taking his free hand in mine and giving it a good squeeze. He seemed surprised by this, and when he turned his head to face me, I gave him a knowing look. In no way was his staring offensive to me, for I understood that seeing two faces which looked so similar to one that no longer existed must be hard. 

“Are you alright?” I whispered, furrowing my eyebrows with a bit of concern. Tywin inhaled and nodded, leaning over and pressing his lips to my forehead. I was surprised that he had done it so publicly, but perhaps it was what he needed.

“Yes, my dear. All is well.”

I nodded at him, not letting go of his hand even when I turned back to Genna and continued to talk with her. I knew Tywin had quite the troubled past, but that would only encourage me to try and soothe him. For how could I claim to love this man if I did not accept him in his entirety? 

Though there was no doubt in my mind our week at Casterly Rock would be wonderful, I knew it would not be without bitter memories, and I was entirely prepared to comfort my husband whenever I felt he needed it.

Tywin would never admit that seeing Joanna’s sisters made him solemn, but I would know. He would never admit that being at Casterly Rock in itself brought back countless memories of his late wife, but I would know. It was the most curious thing that I knew whenever Tywin was upset. But was it not my job as his wife? As the woman he loved? 

Oftentimes, I found it was easier to know Tywin than myself. Flaws or grievances that you might shame yourself for become endearing when they are attached to someone you love, and I had certainly discovered that. For Tywin—despite his various flaws, questionable morals, and lack of emotional stability—was so important to me now that I could not imagine myself without him. And sitting at the high table of Casterly Rock, I felt more than just content. I felt completely overjoyed.

For now, among my various other titles, I was the Lady of Casterly Rock.

TAGLIST:

@cheyxfu @lemonscoffee @groovy-lady 

@ladysindar @vesta-ro @exo-nova @paola-carter

@prettykinkysoul 

@fullmoonshadowwrites @kishie8 

@the-desilittle-bird @dianilaws @girlonfireice 

@muscari-fae @lostgirllulu 

@abigfanofgameofthrones @smalltownbigheart 

@frombloodandflesh @supernaturalismyreligion666

@thanyatargaryen @rey26 @hexandale @pkawaiidesu5394 @aimsro