#i am fucking wheezing

[pocketgalaxies]

"are you talking about perineum sunning?"

"i've read about this, there's this elven woman named gwyneth paltrow, you can read about it on her blog"

"it's your asshole. that is what that word means. and then you put the sun on it, apparently?"

"they put sun on their buttholes?"

"well they don't PUT it on, they just expose their buttholes to the sun. you can't PUT sun on your butthole"

[i-am-not-the-deer-man]

Sorry boys, "wetting the dream" is going right up there with "boob king"

[nevershootamockingbird]

[ Begin ID: A screenshot of text that reads "Rook looked to him, "You've made all this talk about Lucanis being kept hidden from you, and you're not coming with us to get him?"

Illario's eyes widened for a fraction of a second before he answered, "There's a chance we've been followed. If we all disappear from the dock, you get to play the alluring hero."

why hello what's this what's up did you come in here just to eat plastic whoa you can't do that it hurts my feelings ohh big girl your coming here just to eat plastic I'm going to oh eat my plastic ohh you're fine ohh I know I took you away from the plastic all right you talk a lot you know that you talk a lot for a chicken wing ohh for a chicken wing of your density you really do talk a lot talking chicken chicken wing I love you why you so small why are you built like that ohh don't bite me like that chicken wing a whole chicken wing biting me like you beautiful chicken wing okay by thank you for visiting chicken baby" / End ID ]

My housemate's cat came into my room while my dictation was on...

[snnynaturalarch]

You yee’d your last haw

[bougiebutchbitch]

*circus music plays* fucking came for my throat

[kangals]

have always found it immensely odd/frustrating when I see people who refuse to use any sort of physical force to control their dog. by which I do NOT mean hitting obv, but like: if the dog is standing rigid on the sidewalk barking at something and the owner is just standing there next to it, lightly tugging the leash but nothing more. or a small dog that’s lunging and pulling towards another dog and the owner is just, again, walking placidly behind it. or a dog that’s laying down on the sidewalk bc it wants to pounce on an oncoming dog and the owner won’t touch it. Etc you get the picture.

like goddamn dude it’s a dog. It’s on a leash. Fucking move them. why are you letting yourself get pulled around by a 20lb doodle?? sure ask nicely first but shortening the leash and yanking them back to you is not going to hurt them and in fact is what you need to do if your animals being a nuisance in public. Jesus.

[nevershootamockingbird]

[ begin id: a screenshot of a tumblr tag that reads “#those hens from chicken run would wear this”  / end id ]

thank u emily axford for providing insane tshirt design ideas

[rbtlvr]

smth for @remedyturtles new fic firefight! the twins ever <3 i'm sure they're fine

[cellgatinbo]

slime and etoiles get along so well bc they both love to just hype each other up in an endless recursive feedback loop and will stick to a bit until they die

[xxplastic-cubexx]

wait you’re telling me that you’re that one minedai artist?!?!?! you rlly liked ur doomed yaoi huh………..

the paths are finally converging its like a fucked up version of subspace emissary in my inbox

[rosy-crow]

Hey op I hope you know I read this and was caught so off guard that I literally spit out a mouthful of water and started choking 👍

canon interaction trust me

[just-sp-in-inginthevoid]

AU where Sanzu goes to juvie with S62 after Kanto incident

57 dead, 63 injured

[chiralcrystallization]

[selffagellation]

new gender, literally just a normal ass possum who lives in dracula's castle for some reason. is he a vampire. or is he just vibing. either way he just like me for REAL

[papsiguesss]

FOR YOU SEE FRIEND JOHN-

Seward: "I don't understand why you can't just tell me what's really wrong with Lucy!"

Van Helsing:

[carnivalcarriondiscarded]

*Traps howdy in a large plastic jar*

iykyk