#i am forced to have opinions on this for professional reasons

[ordinarymothman]

somebody wanted me to make my own color theory post so here it is:

every guide to "color theory" i've ever been able to find is just this information and nothing further. just different presentations of these few types of combinations, sometimes with a little evopsych sprinkled in. at this point they really shouldn't be calling it a "theory." that implies there's a systemic logic going on, and if that were the case surely there would be some explanation beyond "vibes dude, trust me". (those color sets don't even look particularly Nice relative to other possibilities despite covering most possible combinations. there's certainly no way to prove any of it anyway.)

feels like some art school hivemind intent on believing that there's some complicated genius behind choosing colors, some whole topic of study to learn, when really there's just... colors and people who think that their opinions on colors are scientific. what really gets me is that it's presented as an essential topic to learn in order to make Good Art™. but, well, you really can't learn it all because most of it is vague implications with no substance, so everyone's a fake artist in the end by that metric.

so if you see these things around all the time surrounded by cryptic hints that there's "so much more scientific stuff" behind it and it's starting to make you feel like you're living in a simulation and starting to butt up against the edge of the world building, don't worry. it's not really important. it's just cultural associations and personal opinions (with a little pseudoscience) loosely assembled into mildly helpful guidelines. so go make art your own way, use or don't use whatever guidelines you find helpful. and try not to get discouraged by weird art school premises that don't actually have any "theory" backing them up anyway

[kiwriteswords]

My "Unpopular" Aaron Hotchner Opinions*

*My opinions, solely! I am not trying to discredit anyone else's headcanons, thoughts, etc.! These are just my thoughts, which I was encouraged to share despite being really terrified to share some of them because they go against the grain.

Also, some of these are NSFW!

Aaron Hotchner would not date someone who was in their twenties. As much as my twenty-something-year-old self would love that, I don't see him realistically picking a partner with such a significant age gap.

Reasonings:

Hotch is a profoundly introspective and careful man. He would hesitate if he felt the age gap could lead to judgment or imbalance in the relationship. He would also be hyper-aware of the psychology behind older men gravitating toward younger partners.

He would worry about differing life stages (e.g., career ambitions, desire for children), causing long-term complications.

Aaron Hotchner would not date a member of the BAU.

Reasonings:

As the leader of the BAU, Hotch holds himself to high ethical standards. He’d worry about how a romantic relationship with a subordinate could appear, not only to his team but also to higher-ups in the FBI. He would not want to waver the team's or his superior's trust.

Hotch has a need to keep work and personal separate as much as possible; these blurred lines don't seem like something I could see Hotch crossing.

Aaron Hotchner would not be as dominant in the bedroom as one would think. However, he would lean more into this if his partner was into it, but not outwardly for himself, as I often read.

Resonings:

While Hotch is a natural leader, he does not seek power for power's sake--it's always about responsibility and protection. A lot of his natural leadership qualities come as a trauma response, and I believe he might let that down entirely in an intimate setting.

Hotch’s romantic and sexual relationships would likely be an outlet for him to shed his professional stoicism and connect authentically. He wouldn’t want to bring elements of authority or control into that space, as it would conflict with his desire to be vulnerable.

Aaron Hotchner would not want to be called "Daddy" in the bedroom; again, he may lean into this if his partner was for it, but I do not see him outwardly wanting this.

Reasonings:

As a leader, Hotch is very aware of power dynamics and strives to ensure equality and fairness in all relationships. He would probably be uncomfortable with any dynamic that places him in a position of authority or dominance, particularly one that invokes paternal connotations.

The show strongly implies that Hotch’s relationship with his father was strained and possibly abusive. He has mentioned that his father was strict and may have instilled a fear-driven form of respect rather than genuine love. Given this background, it’s unlikely Hotch would want to emulate any dynamic reminiscent of a “father figure” in a non-familial, intimate context. It might even be triggering for him.

Aaron Hotchner would likely not be the fantastic father we all write about if it were not for Haley's death and Jess's support.

Reasonings:

Hotch’s transformation into a great father was largely a result of Haley’s death, forcing him to reprioritize and step into a role he might not have fully embraced otherwise. While he always loved Jack, the tragic loss gave him no choice but to confront his shortcomings and dedicate himself to being there for his son. If Haley had lived, Hotch’s role as a father would likely have remained secondary to his career, with much of the emotional and practical parenting responsibilities falling to Haley.

The Jess of it all also comes down to writing, for the writers to plausibly continue having Hotch be this great leader and agent while also stepping up to the plate as a father. He realistically could not do it both.

On this note, I hate how villainized Haley is in the fandom. Haley wasn’t a villain—she was a woman who made a difficult but necessary decision for her and Jack’s well-being. Her divorce from Hotch doesn’t diminish her love for him or her sacrifices as a partner and mother. It highlights the complexities of relationships and how even two people who care deeply for one another can struggle to make it work under extreme circumstances. Blaming Haley oversimplifies their story and ignores her humanity.

Aaron Hotchner and Beth lacked chemistry, and it felt very OOC for Hotch to be so unaffected by their parting ways; this is more a flaw in the writing versus the character(s) or fandom.

Reasonings:

Beth was introduced abruptly and with minimal background, leaving her character feeling one-dimensional. The audience didn’t have enough time to understand her motivations or personality, making it difficult to invest in her relationship with Hotch. She felt more like a plot device to show Hotch moving forward post-Haley than a fully realized partner for him. This, again, falls on the fact that Bellamy Young had moved onto Scandal, and they were forced to end things with that plot, so who knows where it actually would have ended up. 

Their dynamic felt almost too casual, which was jarring considering Hotch’s usual intensity in his relationships, especially after Haley’s death. Also, I think Hotch might be suspect of the idea of someone kind of watching him in the park for so long? But I do feel like the writers had no other way for Hotch to realistically meet someone.

Beth’s role could have been an opportunity to explore how Hotch balances dating with being a single father and leading the BAU. Instead, their relationship was surface-level and didn’t push Hotch toward any real emotional growth. The writers didn’t use Beth to challenge Hotch’s guarded nature or explore how he might rebuild trust and intimacy after Haley’s death. Too much was going on during this season and the following, but they opened the door for this and did nothing. 

When Beth and Hotch part ways, Hotch appears surprisingly unaffected, which feels out of character. Given his emotional depth and the weight he places on personal relationships, fans expected more from him—if not heartbreak, at least some introspection or acknowledgment of the loss. This lack of reaction felt less like a natural response for Hotch and more like the writers were rushing to close a subplot they didn’t know how to continue.

I have more, but figured I would ease into this!

[tallerthantale]

Neil and Amanda's Fake Therapist

I originally gathered information relating to Neil's fake therapist in a bit of a messy hyperfocus flurry that included some initial errors, followed by various erratic updates, so I wanted to put the main points together into one coherent place. Some of what I'm putting together here was found by others on the subreddit post.

I once again find myself skirting the edges of my typical rules for myself about analyzing public figures, so disclaimer: this is personal opinion, I'm not scientifically or clinically evaluating anyone based off public appearances / statements, I am commenting on what personal impression I am getting off things, and leaving most speculation about internal states out.

Man does this guy make it hard to stick to that though.

The person I'm talking about here is the supposed 'therapist' that Scarlett interacted with while Neil was (allegedly) pressuring her to say the allegations weren't true. His behavior there (with a paper trail according to Tortoise), and what I was able to gather from Amanda Palmer's podcast made it clear to me that he was not operating within the acceptable behaviour of a therapist, so I decided to see if I could prompt a review of his license. All indications at this time are that he does not have one. But it gets worse.

He claims to be a minister, but like the therapist claim cites no qualifications or organizations in his website's bio. This combination of therapist who isn't a therapist and minister who isn't a minister potentially creates a legal nightmare scenario. I am not a lawyer, this is not legal advice, but I'm going to give you my best estimate of the situation, which has involved looking up the law and reading some cases.

As long as he isn't claiming to be a mental health professional, he may be protected in calling himself a nonspecific 'therapist.' He can probably argue it as some kind of spiritual therapy. But because he isn't actually a mental health care provider, he is not subject to mandatory reporting. Generally therapists have a legal obligation to proactively report when someone is a danger to themselves or others. He does not have that requirement. He isn't bound by professional ethics, since he is not a member of any organizations and has no licenses. Moreover, it seems to be the case in New Mexico that if a person reasonably believes you to be a minister, that kicks in clergy-penitent privilege whether or not you actually are a minister.

The origin concept of clergy-penitent privilege is that the law cannot force a priest to reveal what was said to them in confession. The First Amendment means all religions get it equally and it doesn't have to be part of a specific Catholic ritual. In New Mexico, it covers anything that was not said publicly or intended to be passed on regardless of the surrounding context. That means anything said to or by this guy that is not said in public or explicitly intended to be forwarded cannot be used by the legal system for any purpose, no matter how documented or incriminating it is to the client or to him personally. There is no mechanism to remove that privilege form him for being misused because it is derived from his representation of himself as a minister, not his actual status.

According to his linkdin he received a Bachelors degree in creative writing from the University of Rochester, in New York. He then got a Masters degree in Divinity in Organizations from Harvard Divinity School, 1982-1985. These are the only points of education claimed anywhere we have seen. He lists no psychology or mental health qualification anywhere, and is most known as an author. His bookselling success might be due to a claimed promotional appearance on Oprah.

His personal webpage has a long 'client list' or list of 'collaborators' who have hosted speaking engagements. This list was last updated in 2012. The events on his calendar page have no year. I think I recall seeing a section of his website that was only accessible to those who were 'fully committed,' or something like that, but it doesn't seem to be there now. It's possible I'm misremembering, it's possible it got taken down when the reddit thread got popular, I don't have the right skillset to check. He won an award from the Institute of Noetic Sciences, which looks to be engaging in pseudo scientific spirituality in a manner similar to Scientology.

From what I can gather from the video's I've watched, the advice he 'preaches' is a mish mash of bits and pieces of metaphors and perspectives from a variety of religions and philosophies that he probably didn't fully understand. (My speculation.) There are pieces of genuine insight that are lifted from others and that can give the impression he knows what he is talking about to vulnerable people even if he doesn't really understand them himself. He doesn't seem to have any genuine religious beliefs or connections to any religious congregation or organizations. It is unclear if he is or is not technically ordained, but that is something anyone can just do online, and he doesn't even claim it.

Particularly noticeable in his talks are traces of Jungian psychoanalysis (which is the nonsense Jordan Peterson seems to have got caught up in, and it has antisemitic and fascist origins) some Buddhist resilience concepts that have been misused by westerners a lot, and Christian (I think) concepts about universal love and togetherness. They end up mashed together into a message that I believe will influence most victims who hear it to blame themselves and remain in toxic situations, while making perpetrators feel better about continuing to perpetrate. Not saying that was the goal, but if a person had that goal, this patchwork philosophy is what you would put together to achieve it. I'm not going to be specific because I don't want to be like, putting out a guide for people on how to do this.

Amanda says she met the guy before she had a child, but after she was married. That is somewhere between 2011 and 2015. Amanda says she met him at something resembling a TED conference, where all sorts of people got together to do various (rich people nonsense.) She had a mental breakdown in a horse paddock, and the fake therapist was the guy with the horse, teaching about horse whispering.

"And since then, he’s been my therapist, and he’s also become a true friend, to me, and to my family, and to many other people in my life that he’s taken on, and helped out, in some of their darkest hours of need, and he is my emergency phone call. And in a way, he sort of picked up where Anthony, my old mentor, left off, and I don’t find it a coincidence that Wayne walked into my life right around the time Anthony walked out. "

This is not what a therapist does, this is cult leader behaviour. This is pure speculation on my part, but I wonder if Neil might have known him first and orchestrated their meeting. He is an author with connections to an organization similar to Scientology. It might actually not be a coincidence. Again, pure speculation.

Amanda describes seeking advice from him whenever she was having trouble with Neil, and that talking to him would make her feel like everything was fine again. "Even just to have someone to talk to, to remind me what I’m struggling with, what’s going on, what is home, why does this feel so disorienting, what am I doing? And I can say right now, when I shifted my internal feeling within myself, within my relationship with Neil, around where I was, my feeling in my own house transformed. Because I went, oh, right, none of this fucking matters."

In June 2019 Amanda Palmer has the Portland, OR incident where she tells her fans they need to forgive their r@#ists.

In 2019 the fake therapist did a series of webcasts with The Santa Fe Center for Spiritual Healing over a few months. At times he is titled "Rvrd", and at times he is titled "Dr." there is no reason to believe he is either. In the first one, the host reads a bio she found online, that she says he asked her not to read (she appears to think he was being humble.) This version of the bio claims that he was a Senior Scholar at the Fetzer Institute. When he comes on after she read it, he makes odd comments about whoever might be watching the video online and appears very shaken. The Fetzer Institute has no mention of him on their website. That connection is not listed in his current bio.

In his last video for the Santa Fe Center he claims to be working on an upcoming project in D.C. with a co-facilitator who was famous for brokering a truce between the crips and bloods. He also comes across like he has been asked to stop working with the center and is being super passive aggressive about it. (My speculation.)

His appearance on Amanda Palmer's podcast is recorded in July 2019, about a month after the last Santa Fe Center webcast, in upstate New York. In the descriptor she says it was recorded after a week long retreat with him she set up for 60 of her Patrion supporters. There is a nearly two year gap between the recording and posting, which is not explained. She describes him as a minister, therapist, leadership mentor, and her personal therapist. In the episode itself, she also describes him as her and Neil's relationship therapist. In the description she promotes his books and his website, and says he is still readily contactable there, but to be patient right now because he is mid move. (The description was posted when the podcast was posted, in 2021. As mentioned earlier, there are features of his website that have not been updated since 2012.)

The fake therapist tweeted about Neil being a 'dear friend' in late 2020. He has under 100 followers, not really what you would expect for a best selling author / therapist / minister / community leader / mentor / horse whisper. While I make references to cult leader behaviour, a genuine cult leader would probably have a larger following. But somehow I don't think he lacks for money. I expect there is a market for pseudo-therapists you can freely talk to about the crimes you are actively committing. You can even involve him in the crime, and it still privileged.

The events of Scarlett's allegations date to 2022, about a year after Amanda posted the podcast episode. Sometime in March is when Neil manipulates Scarlett into saying the allegations are false with what is essentially a su!c!de threat, then asks her to repeat her assurances that it was consensual to the fake therapist. Amanda had recently received a scorching message from one of Scarlett's friends about what was done to her. It seems like Neil is doing this to win a fight with Amanda in their "relationship therapy." Scarlett gets a message from the fake therapist.

Tortoise describes it as him "saying he'd be happy to speak to her in complete confidence because he had heard that she found herself in his words 'in the midst of relationships, stories and narratives, not alas necessarily of your own making. Sadly, this is not a surprise. Two creative dynamic people can easily draw others into their orbit unaware of how powerfully the magnetic pull of their influences can have on others.'"

My perception of this message is that it plants the suggestion to Scarlett that her friends are brainwashing her to think she was r@ped by pulling her into 'narratives not of her own making.' I could see how people might interpret the later lines regarding magnetic pull as being about accidental power dynamics abuse, but I read it more as him saying Scarlett's friends are opportunistic manipulators looking to make a name for themselves by taking down a famous person.

Either way, there are a considerable number of things happening there that an actual therapist would not ever do, for a variety of very good reasons. Tortoise's attempt to call him to ask for comment was thwarted by the fact that his phone has been specifically programed not to accept voicemails. Not like, the voicemail box was full or something, he went out of his way to do that. Which means Tortoise can't quite claim that he didn't respond to requests to comment, because they couldn't leave a message. Other organizations probably run into similar difficulties establishing evidence that they have contacted him. It's not a smoking gun, but I don't like it.

A year later Amanda Palmer makes her post on the Russel Brand allegations, where she argues the solution to serial predatory behaviour is to try to get them to stop doing "stupid shit" by trying to heal their lacking and fear with love and compassion and forgiveness, because that the ONLY cause / motivation for abusive behavior. And some unarticulated hope for non-specific accountability vibes.

This post looks to me like the perspective of a person who has been continuously exploited, and manipulated into thinking it is their personal responsibility to heal people who have no interest in being healed. It reads to me like a person who has been justifying staying in a toxic situation to themself so long it has warped their entire worldview. It reads to me like the inevitable end result of this fake therapists preaching.

I don't think that absolves her of what ever her role has been in facilitating access to victims, or actively promoting these views to her audience, but it is something to keep in mind.

There is a broad rage of possibilities for what is going on with this guy. The spectrum runs from deeply misguided fool to deliberately exploitative criminal. Either way it looks like he is charging people money for the service of turning them into the "this is fine" dog. This is not fine. This is not ok. Unfortunately it probably is legal.

[lvis44]

Sweet Escape - Epilogue // LH44

Lewis Hamilton x Y/N

Warnings: Smut 18+ MINORS DNI, Alcohol Consumption, Swearing, Light Angst, Not Edited

Word Count: 9.4k+

Summary: Paradise is supposed to be fun and relaxing... a Sweet Escape, but when unspoken feelings and jealousy rise to the surface, everything can be turned upside down in the blink of an eye.

Notes: Alas, here is the long awaited Epilogue. Thank you everyone for being patient with me, this became a bit of its own story and I had to stop myself from continuing (read my note at the end and let me know your opinions, I won't ask here as to not spoil anything.) I have loved writing this and I can't wait to continue this little journey with all of you wonderful babes. Thank you so much for all the love on this story, I'm glad you all seem to love it as much as I do!

I am not a professional writer and all of this is a work of fiction and is strictly for fun. Enjoy! xxx

Previous Sections: Prologue - Part One - Part Two - Part Three - Part Four - Part Five - Part Six - Part Seven - Part Eight

Colorado was one of your favorite places to be with Lewis, especially when it was just the two of you. You spent so much of your relationship flying around the world and stealing moments to be alone together. It could be difficult at times, especially race weekends. Lewis had a tendency to become a different version of himself from the first step into the paddock on Thursday to the second he left on Sunday evening, there was a hard shell around him most of the time, determined and focused. It was never a bad thing, simply something to navigate. He always found ways to make sure you knew how grateful for you he was, even in the simplest ways. When you would both arrive in Colorado, tucked away in the mountains, every guard he had built would come down, it’s when you got the utmost access to the love of your life. That's why you were shocked when he had sent you your travel plans for the week. You had talked with him multiple times about meeting him in Colorado for his time off, spending time just the two of you after too long being apart. Without consulting you he had changed your plans, scheduling another family trip, another trip to the Caribbean. You hadn’t been back to the island since the beginning of your relationship, almost exactly a year ago. Your anniversary would be coming up in the next week and you wanted to spend it with him, however life and work got in the way, forcing you to be apart from him for an already two week stretch. That is why Colorado had been the perfect plan, just the two of you only a few days after your anniversary, now you would be with all your friends in a place you had many mixed emotions about. You understood that he didn’t have the same opportunities to see everyone, rarely being in town for parties and dinners, but selfishly you truly didn’t want to share him. 

The second you received the surprise email with your travel itinerary you were on the phone. It only rang once before he picked up.

“Hey baby, I’ve only got a second. What's up?” He sounded out of breath through the line and you wondered if you had interrupted his training, not that you cared at the moment.

“We’re going to the island?” You got straight to the point.

“Yeah, I mean I bought the house, we might as well use it.” He chuckled, ignoring the fact that your plans had been drastically changed. 

“I know that, but I thought we had plans.” Your voice came out whinier than you had meant it to, unable to hide your disappointment.

“Yeah, shit, I’m sorry babe. I meant to talk to you about it but Charlotte and Miles were on my ass about another family trip and I just scheduled everything for the next second I had off.” He tried to reason, not helping your disappointment. It was strange for him to not consult you about plans he was making, more often than not he would check in with you more than necessary. 

“I know you want to see everybody but I wanted to spend time with you, celebrate our anniversary together.” You knew you were fighting a losing battle, everything was set in stone and he wouldn't disappoint your friends.

“We’ll still be together sweetie, we’ll have more than enough time to celebrate our anniversary, I promise.” His words were soft and you could tell he was trying to end the conversation. There was no point in continuing the argument.

“I know, I know, I just miss you.” You conceded.

“I miss you too, more than you know, but in just over a week I’m all yours. Gonna give you the biggest fucking hug.” He sighed, also feeling the effects of not being together.

‘You’re not going to be all mine, that's the problem’ you thought to yourself, deciding not to say anything, it wouldn’t help the situation in any way.

Before you could respond he was already saying his goodbyes, “I gotta go, m’sorry, but I’ll call you later and I’ll see you soon. I love you sweetheart.”

“I love you Lew.” You said solemnly, wishing for just a few more moments with him, even if over the phone.

…

The next week and a half dragged on for what felt like a year, communication from him was slim, even on your anniversary. He had messaged you a picture of the two of you from a few months ago, it was a selfie taken in some random hotel overseas, you were pressed up against him with your face in his neck, a massive smile across both of your faces. His message had been simple and cheeky “Thank you for giving me a chance and putting up with me for a whole ass year, I love you more than I could ever let you know xx.” When you messaged him back it had gone unanswered. You couldn’t understand what was going on with him, his lack of communication was incredibly out of character and it was starting to irritate you.

By the time that you arrived at the large vacation house, your mood was sour. Your flight was long and lonely, your friends flying out at different times and from different places. When you arrived everyone was already there. You were irritated with Lewis and his lack of communication and care for the wrench in your plans. Seeing the house again as you pulled into the driveway brought very mixed emotions, on one hand it was the place you finally found the love of your life, on the other it was the place where you spent a week fighting with your best friend and thinking that you had lost him. When you stepped out of the car, Lewis was already there waiting for you, a big smile on his face and open arms ready for you.

“Well hello there pretty lady.” He said, engulfing you in a hug before you even had the chance to close the car door.

It was hard to stay mad at him as he wrapped himself around you, his embrace feeling like coming home. He buried his face into your neck as he squeezed you so hard you thought you were going to burst.

“Hi.” You answered softly, taking in his familiar scent.

When he finally pulled away he didn’t go far, his large palms coming up to cradle your cheeks. His smile was so big it looked like his face would split in two.

“God I fucking missed you.” He sighed before pulling you in for a heavy kiss. It was like he was trying to pour every kiss you would have received in the last few weeks into one.

You're not sure how long you stood there kissing him, enjoying being with your partner after way too long. It wasn’t until you heard a gagging sound from behind you that you pulled away from him.

“Jesus, I’m all for you two being in love and shit but damn, I don’t need to see all that.” Miles complained from behind you while grabbing your bags.

“Oh fuck off, I haven’t seen my girl in two weeks, I’ve got shit to make up for.” Lewis laughed, his hand coming down to firmly grab your ass.

“Two weeks? I ain’t seen you in two months, where the hell is my kiss?” Miles continued in a jokingly distraught voice.

“Come and get it.” Lewis teased him, puckering his lips like a child, still not letting go of you.

“I’d rather kiss a frog,” Miles deadpanned, “now let go of Y/N so I can give her a hug.”

Lewis very reluctantly parted from you, not going far as Miles wrapped his broad frame around you, squeezing you tight with a kiss to your head that made you giggle. The second Miles let you go, Lewis was already grabbing your hand, lacing his fingers with yours and giving it a squeeze. When you turned to look at him he was already staring at you, a soft smile on his face and a look in his eyes you couldn’t quite place. You gave him a questioning look but all he did was shake his head and lean down to peck your lips quickly before ushering you into the house after Miles.

‘Well look who’s finally here!” Charlotte's voice came through the kitchen loudly the moment she saw you.

It only took a few seconds before you were wrapped in yet another tight hug, as if you hadn’t seen her only a week ago. You two had gotten lunch shortly after Lewis had changed your plans, and while you didn’t want to complain to her, you did try to get any information possible as to why Lewis had been acting so strange. She hadn’t said much, simply brushing it off by saying he must be busier than usual, but you could tell she knew something else and it had been eating away at you.

After saying your hellos to everyone you found a moment to quietly excuse yourself from the kitchen, heading down the hall to the room Lewis had stayed in last time, the room you had ended up moving into the night you finally got together. When you got to the doorway you paused, seeing unfamiliar luggage in the room. You had traveled with Lewis enough at this point to pick his luggage out from the most packed carousel in the world, and his was nowhere to be seen, neither was yours. As you stood there confused, a pair of strong arms came around your waist, pulling you back against a firm, warm body. You turned in his arms, his chocolate brown eyes coming into view.

“Sorry, I forgot to mention we’re not staying in here, Miles and his girlfriend are.” Lewis said softly.

You had met Miles’ girlfriend a few times now and you had to say she was one of the sweetest people he could have ever found. You were very happy for him but at this moment you were slightly irked at that concept.

“Not to sound like a bitch, but really?” You said with a huff, making Lewis chuckle.

“Babe, it’ll-” He started but you cut him off.

“No, Lew, I mean, it’s your house and we’re supposed to be celebrating our anniversary. I don’t even want to be here, I wanted to be in Colorado with you and just you but I didn’t want to sound ungrateful or anything. I know you don’t get to see everybody all that often but I feel like you don’t even care that it’s our first anniversary together, it seems like it’s an after thought for you, if it’s even a thought at all.” You rambled your emotions to him quietly, not wanting to offend anyone.

Lewis frowned, his brows furrowed in concern, “Hun, I absolutely care, and I’m sorry for changing our plans like that,” He paused, pressing a soft kiss to your forehead, “but if you’d let me show you something I think you might change your mind about being here, just a little bit.”

You let out a sigh, shrugging, still not fully feeling like your anniversary was a priority to him.

“Hey, look at me, we’re going to have an incredible anniversary week together, in the place we first admitted we were in love with each other. There’s a part of the property I didn’t get to show you last time we were here, come with me and then you can decide if you still hate the idea of celebrating here.” He didn’t wait for an answer, grabbing your hands and urging you to follow him.

“Are we gonna see you two again tonight?” Charlotte called out teasingly as Lewis pulled you through the back doors.

“Maybe, maybe not, don’t count on it.” Lewis yelled back over his shoulder with a laugh.

You gave him another questioning look but he just told you to hurry up and pulled you quicker behind him. He took you to the forest, near the path you’d always taken down to the beach but this time veered off on a different small path that you had never really noticed the last time you were here. You were now walking next to him, his hand firmly grasping yours as you started to see a trail of sparkling lights illuminating the small path as the sun was going down.

“Watch your step love, there’s a few steps down right here.” Lewis’ voice pulled you out of the trance you had fallen into while admiring the pretty lights.

He held your hand while you took the few steps down before he wrapped his arm around your shoulders, pulling you under his arm, making your walk slightly clumsy.

“I know you would rather we were in Colorado, just the two of us, and I’m sorry, I really am. I wasn’t thinking when I booked this trip in all honesty, and I know that sounds bad, Charlotte yelled at me as soon as she saw the dates. Just, I wasn’t really thinking about the fact that it was our anniversary, it doesn’t feel like it could possibly be our one year because I feel like we’ve been together forever. So I know I fucked up, but I’ve also had this plan for bringing you back here for quite a while and I’ll be honest when Miles mentioned coming here for vacation I jumped on the opportunity, I needed to. And I know this isn’t exactly what you envisioned or what I promised and I’m sorry for that but I was hoping that maybe this could be our little sanctuary, make us forget that anyone else even exists.” Lewis’ apology is sweet but leaves you with more questions, wanting to know what his need to be back here so badly was.

You round the corner with him, walking out onto a part of the beach you hadn’t seen before, nestled into an alcove you hadn’t previously explored. That's when you see a small bridge, leading to the most beautiful bungalow sitting atop the water. You gasp, seeing it lit up with beautiful lights, making it sparkle.

“It’s technically supposed to be the guest house,” Lewis begins quietly, “but I figured it could be our little vacation from the group vacation. Somewhere it can be just us.”

You turn toward him, your eyes glassy, “It’s beautiful Lew, thank you.” You lean up to press your lips against his softly.

“Another bonus is you can be as loud as you want down here.” He whispers cheekily against your lips, pecking them once more.

“Lewis!” You laugh, swatting at his chest as you blush.

He catches your wrist with a big smile, pressing a kiss to your pulse point before grabbing your hand and pulling you along down to the bungalow.

“God, do we have to hike it all the way back up there to get our luggage?” You groan, realizing you have nothing with you.

“Nope,” Lewis laughs, “Miles decided to be helpful and already lugged it all down here, I unfortunately owe him.”

When he opened the door, you found yourself speechless. There was a small kitchen directly through the front door, nothing fancy but enough that you would never have to leave if you didn’t want to. As you walked past the kitchen and down the short hallway the room opened up. There was a bathroom with a large shower and a large soaker tub to your right and a lush king size bed to your left. Large windows lined the whole left side of the bungalow, a small seating area just below them. Straight ahead of you were large sliding doors that Lewis was already moving to open, once he did, the whole front wall was open.

“There’s a screen we can shut if it gets too buggy but I want you to see it like this first.” Lewis explained, already knowing you would be worried about strange bugs in your bed.

He outstretched his hand to you once again, pulling you out onto the patio. What you were met with amazed you even more than the inside. There was a hot tub off to the side, already bubbling away, more sparkling fairy lights lining the pergola that covered part of the patio. There were two large chaise lounges overlooking the endless view of the sea. He was already guiding you down another small set of stairs where you were met with a small infinity pool, just beside the pool was an outdoor shower. You spotted another set of steps that appeared to go off directly into the sea.

“Babe, it’s-” You were at a loss for words as you turned to him, not quite knowing how to sum up how incredible everything was.

He smiled, stepping in front of you and placing his large hands on your waist, “I know it’s not exactly what you envisioned, but I do want this to be special. I’m so sorry I fucked up our first anniversary, I promise I’ll do better with every single one to come.”

“It’s not what I envisioned, and I am still annoyed you forgot our anniversary,” You tease before becoming more serious, “but Lew, this is perfect, it’s beautiful. Thank you.”

“Hey, I didn’t actually forget, it was a momentary lapse in judgment.” He playfully defends himself, pulling you closer to him.

“Whatever you say mister,” You laugh, “but I love it. I love you.”

He wastes no time in pressing his lips to yours, mumbling “I love you too, so much more than words could ever explain.”

“As much as I want to stay right here and kiss you forever, I really want to take a shower, I feel disgusting from all the flying.” You say when you finally separate from him.

“How about I run us a bath and we cuddle up and start to enjoy our belated anniversary celebrations.” He suggests, having you immediately nodding.

“Okay, you stay here and enjoy the view, I’ll come get you in a minute.” He says, squeezing your hip as he presses a kiss to your temple.

As he makes his way back up to the bungalow you settle into one of the comfy chairs overlooking the beautiful view. There’s still a slight annoyance in the back of your head at his admission of not even thinking of your anniversary when he planned this trip but you can’t help but be grateful that you will at least have him to yourself in some way this week. It may not be exactly what you had envisioned but you’re just happy that you will get to spend time with him. You understand what he was saying earlier, it doesn’t seem like it should be your one year anniversary, you truly feel like you’ve been with him forever. You practically live together, the most you possibly can with his ridiculous schedule. You’ve loved him far longer than you’ve been with him, and you’ve had the support and care of a partner from him since the day you met him. You know you’re going to be with him forever, nothing else would make sense, you could never fathom the idea of not being his now that you have him. You get lost in your thoughts as you wait for him, staring out over the beautiful ocean as you play through memories of your relationship like a highlight reel in your head. The first time he took you on a romantic getaway, the first time he introduced you as his girlfriend to his family, your first christmas together, your birthdays. Everything about him has felt like a fairytale.

“Hey baby, the bath is ready.” His soft voice startles you with its close proximity, you hadn’t even noticed him sit down on the arm of the chair next to you.

He chuckles when you jump, soothing his palm over your back, “Off in your own little world, were ya?”

“Oh shush, I was just enjoying the view.” You laugh along with him, moving to get up and follow him to the bathroom.

When you step into the bathroom you find yourself speechless yet again. The tub is up against a large window you hadn’t noticed earlier, giving you a spectacular view. He’s opened the window to let the warm breeze in, making the flames of the candles he’s placed around the room flicker in the wind. He has soft music playing and the tub is full to the brim with bubbles that smell like heaven. The lights are off except for a small light giving off hues of sunset, dimly illuminating the room. His hands are on your hips from behind, hiking up your shirt as he places soft kisses along your shoulder. He crouches down ever so slightly, kissing your spine as he pulls down your shorts and panties all at once. He places the softest of kisses to the back of your thighs before standing once more. When you turn to undress him, he’s already taken his shirt off, leaving you to push his shorts down his toned thighs, chuckling when you see he’s gone commando. He just shrugs, giving you a cheeky smirk before pulling you in to kiss him tenderly. For a moment you wonder if you will even make it to the bath as his hands roam your body, taking handfuls of the flesh that he loves to knead in his large palms. He eventually parts from you, leaving soft pecks all over your face before stepping around you and sinking down into the tub with a soft sigh. He simply stares at you for a moment, his face showing nothing but love and adoration, finally he outstretches his hand to help you in.

You lean back against his chest, reveling in the feeling of the firm muscles under his soft skin. His chin hooks over your shoulder, placing a kiss to your cheek as his arms snake around your waist to pull you in closer to him.

“Happy anniversary my love.” He whispers against your skin before he’s reaching over the edge of the tub to grab two glasses of champagne you hadn’t noticed before. He hands you one, clinking his glass against yours before rubbing his nose along your jaw up to your ear, “This has been one of the worst seasons of my career, yet one of the best years of my life, only thanks to you. You have made me happier than I ever knew possible and I hope that I have been able to reciprocate that for you. I plan on spending every day trying to make you the happiest, most loved woman on the face of this earth, because that is all that you deserve in life. You are the most remarkable human I have ever had the honor of meeting, Y/N. Thank you for letting me love you, and thank you for loving me the way that you do.”

By the end of his speech there are tears in your eyes. Looking at him you see the same glassiness mirrored in his own, knowing just how much he meant each and every word he whispered into your ear.

“I love you more than life itself Lewis, and I will never stop loving you. I’m sorry I was moody earlier, I was being petty. All I need to be happy is you, as long as you’re around, I am the happiest I can ever be. I’m already the happiest woman on earth simply because I get to say that I am loved by you, it’s truly something I don’t think I could ever explain to anyone. Thank you for all of this, it’s perfect, truly.” You tell him sincerely, your voice thick with emotion.

“Don’t apologize sweetheart, you had every reason to be annoyed with me. I hope you know it wasn’t remotely intentional, and I should have talked to you about it, even if it was after I’d made the plans. I’m sorry I’ve been a bit MIA this past week.” He further apologizes, holding your eyes with his to show just how serious he is.

You can see the remorse written across his face, never one that was good at hiding his emotions once he’s let them be seen for the first time. It’s as if once the floodgates that are Lewis’ emotions are opened to you, there is no closing it, and you wouldn’t have it any other way. He wears his heart on his sleeve.

“Have you been okay?” You ask him, adjusting in his lap so you can look at him better, bringing your hand up to stroke the short stubble at the side of his jaw.

He furrows his brows in question, “Yeah, I’ve been fine. I’ve just been really busy these last few weeks, been planning something that I need to get perfect.”

“Oh? And what exactly have you been planning Sir Hamilton?” You ask him jokingly, yet always wanting to know what he’s working on, always interested in the amazing things he does.

He looks down, averting his eyes from you, looking suddenly shy, “You’ll see when the time’s right, soon, I promise.”

“Mm’kay.” You hum out, taking a sip of your champagne before nuzzling into his chest, resting your head on his shoulder.

He just chuckles, the sound vibrating through your body, tightens his arm around you to rest his cheek on the top of your head.

“I love you, happy one year.” He whispers to you.

“I love you, happy one year.” You repeat as you grin into the skin on his neck, placing a chaste kiss there.

If anyone had asked you how you thought you would be spending your one year anniversary with the love of your life, this would have never been your answer. The two of you cuddled in the warm bath, listening to the sound of the waves crashing, hidden away from your friends in your own private Caribbean bungalow. You had expected him to make a move while you were in the tub, but he didn’t, leaving you slightly shocked but not entirely disappointed. You hadn’t seen him in nearly three weeks and you could feel him pressed against your leg, hard and begging to be touched, it was unlike the two of you to not immediately pounce on one and other the second you were alone. Yet something about the moment with him in the tub felt more intimate than sex ever could, the two of you just enjoying being in each other's arms, each other’s presence, knowing you had more than enough time to reunite later on.

“Where do you want to be in five years?” Lewis asked quietly, breaking the comfortable silence as his hand traced slow circles on your hip.

“Five years?” You asked, lifting your head to look at him.

“Yeah.” He shrugged like he was trying to play it off as a casual question, his face giving him away.

“Well,” You start, pausing to think a bit, “I want to be with you-”

“Well obviously.” He cut you off with a playful smirk.

“Hey, you didn’t let me finish.” You laugh.

“Sorry, I’m usually good about that,” He winks, “continue.”

“Idiot,” You mumble through a laugh before continuing, “I want to be happy, surrounded by people I love. I’d like to be in a different job, I think, something where I have more flexibility. I just want to be someone that me now would be proud of.”

He smiles fondly at you, evidently content with your answer.

“What about you?” You prompt him, genuinely curious.

“I think I want to be done with racing, moving on to a new chapter of my life, with you by my side obviously.” He says quietly.

“You really think you’ll be done in five years? I know you’ve mentioned it before but, do you really think so?” You ask.

“Yeah, we’ve been going over my contract a lot these last few weeks and I think my mind is finally set. I obviously want to get the eighth title, but if that doesn’t happen in the next five years, maybe it was never meant to.” He explains.

“It’s always been meant to, if anyone can it’s you Lew.” You argue.

“I don’t mean that in a way of me giving up, I’m gonna fight like hell until the last possible second. I just mean that maybe now there are more important things for me to start focusing on, other purposes out there for me where my attention and time will be more valuable.” The way he says his words sounds like he’s talking about much more than a career change and it makes your stomach flip in anticipation, imagining your future with him.

“Whatever you end up doing, I’m positive it will be incredible, everything you do is tremendous. And I will be right there supporting you the entire way.” You tell him sincerely, leaning in to press your lips to his.

The kiss is slow and savoring, it mutes everything in your head, making the world revolve around him and only him.

“The water’s starting to get a bit cold, why don’t we get out. I’ve got some ways I can warm you up.” He murmurs against your lips.

“There he is.” You laugh, pulling away.

“What do you mean?” He giggles.

“You’ve been rock hard against my leg for the last thirty minutes and haven’t made a single move on me, I was starting to get worried about you.” You tease him.

“Oh, believe me, I’m well aware of how hard I’ve been.” He playfully rolls his eyes, “I was trying to be romantic.”

“Mmmm, I see.” You hum.

“Genuinely though, I was just enjoying cuddling with you, didn’t want to ruin the moment. But I need you. Now.” His voice gets lower as he finishes his statement, picking you up and standing abruptly.

His quick movement makes water slosh over the edge of the tub, causing you to squeal. He grabs a towel, not using it to dry either of you off but throws it down on the bed before dropping you on top of it.

“You know we could have done this exactly where we were?” You laugh at him as he crowds up against you, already placing hungry kisses down your jaw.

“Maybe, yeah, but it would be a bit hard to pin you down in the tub, I don't really want to drown the woman that I love.” He chuckles against you, grabbing your wrists to bring them above your head.

This is one of the things you’ve always loved with Lewis. You can be in the middle of something so erotic and intimate, yet still be laughing and making jokes with him. He truly is your best friend in the form of a lover.

His lips are trailing down your bare skin, causing your laughter to halt and goosebumps to erupt over your whole body. He doesn’t take even a moment to tease you, immediately diving into your core, licking a hot stripe from your opening all the way to your nerves. You gasp as you arch into him, a throaty groan coming from deep inside him. He always wears you out when you’ve been apart for some time, as if he’s making up for lost time.

“Always taste so fucking good. God I missed you.” He mumbles against your heat, the sound vibrating through your body.

He works his tongue in the way only he knows how, circling your clit perfectly before sucking it into his mouth, nibbling just enough to have your toes curling. You feel one of his fingers slip into you, already soaking wet from just being so close to him. His finger curls, expertly finding the spongy spot inside of you that he knows so well.

“Fuck, Lewis, yes, right there.” You breathe out, your head tilting back into the towel underneath you.

He slips a second finger in, scissoring them to get you ready for him, before returning to a steady ‘come hither’ motion inside of you. He knows he needs you to come at least once before he finally takes you, it’s been too long and he never wants you to be uncomfortable, and he’s doing everything in his power to get you there. Fast.

“That feel good babygirl? You missed me making you feel good?” He asks, already knowing the answer from your flushed cheeks and mouth hung open.

All you can do to respond is moan and buck your hips up toward him, your ability to speak already gone from the moment he put his lips on you.

“Yeah pretty girl? You been trying to make yourself feel good while I’ve been gone?” He continues with his questions, evidently enjoying how difficult it is for you to respond as his thumb finds your clit, flicking quickly.

You nod, turning your head to the side as you let out a loud moan when a third finger slips inside of you.

“Poor baby, it doesn’t feel this good does it? Doesn’t feel as good as me inside of you, can’t make yourself cum the way I can?” He’s moved up so he’s hovering above you, his fingers still working overtime to get you to your peak.

You feel your stomach tighten at his words, knowing he’s right, and then your orgasm rips through your body, soaking his hand. He barely lets up with his movements as he works you through it, kissing your throat, your cheek, your forehead, anywhere his lips can land to work you down from your high.

“You know how I know it’s not the same?” He asks, his voice deep and filled with lust.

You hum, barely able to keep your eyes open.

“Because it’s never the same for me either. No matter how many times I wrap my hand around my cock, it will never come close to the feeling of being inside you. Nothing makes me feel the way you do, nothing will ever come close. I always need you, nothing but you.” His words are mumbled against your skin as he draws his lips up your neck before finally attaching them to your own.

You don’t know where you find the strength but you manage to wrap your arms around his neck, pulling him impossibly close as you open your mouth for him. He licks into your mouth, his tongue toying with your own as he rests most of his weight on you, something that you have grown to love. You find yourself bringing one of your hands down in between the two of you, grasping his hard cock. He groans into your mouth at the simple touch, evidently pent up from the time in the tub. You work him in slow strokes, savoring the feeling of his silky, hot skin. Your thumb swiping over his swollen tip to collect the leaking precum. He whimpers at the feeling, his head falling into the crook of your neck before he's grabbing your wrist.

“Y/N, baby, I’m gonna need you to stop or I’m gonna cum before I even get the chance to be inside of you.” His voice sounds pained as he pins your wrist up next to your head.

Within seconds he’s readjusting and you feel the fat head of his cock pressed against your opening. He stares deep into your eyes as he pushes in slowly, both of your mouths falling open in pure ecstasy at the feeling of finally being connected. It’s truly a feeling like no other, it feels like coming home after a long stressful week, it feels like falling into the comfiest bed, like being wrapped in a hug by someone you love. It completes you. His forehead falls to rest against your own as he stills inside of you, finally bottomed out.

“Please.” You whimper, bringing your legs up around his hips.

He lowers himself down onto you, bracing himself on his forearms on either side of your head, “I’ve got you baby, I know.”

Slowly he starts to pull out before thrusting back in with a certain force that quenches every need in your body. You grasp his bicep next to your head, your hand not able to reach all the way around it. He’s crowded over you, making you feel small and fragile, his strong broad frame engulfing you entirely. With every thrust he has your head spinning more and more. His eyes are trained on your face, always obsessed with seeing how you fall apart underneath him. His calculated, practiced moves make sure you will do just that. You can see the veins starting to pop out in his strong neck, using all his restraint to not cum before you, his whimpers becoming more frequent. You aren’t prepared, unaware you were so close to your orgasm, when it shoots through your body, even more violent than the first.

“Fuck, squeezing me so tight Y/N, I’m gonna-” His words are cut off with a guttural moan, his thrusts becoming sloppy before he’s spilling into you. Hot spurts of cum lacing your walls as you feel him twitch inside of you, a feeling you’ve become obsessed with.

He’s still pulsing inside of you as he relaxes down onto your body, momentarily crushing you but you welcome it, finding some semblance of strength to rub your fingers up and down his back. He peppers kisses along your neck, mumbling sweet nothings that you can’t hear through the ringing in your ears. The first thing you hear as you come back into yourself is a mumbled “I love you”. You lay there together, his weight bearing down on you as he stays deep inside of you, a frequent occurrence after time away, never ready to part from each other. Finally after some time he raises up to slip out of you, making you wince.

“I know baby, I’m sorry, I’m sorry.” He’s whispering, pressing light kisses to your cheek.

“I’ve really missed you these last few weeks.” You confess to him, your post orgasm brain feeling more open than usual.

“I know sweetie, I’ve missed you like crazy too. I’m sorry it was so long this time.” He says, kneeling in front of you, massaging your thighs.

You take a moment to admire him. A few of his braids have fallen from their usual bun, framing his beautiful face. The moon is shining in through the open window behind him, making him glow as though he truly is an angel placed on earth. His tattoos are dark against his tan skin, swirling black that you’ve spent hours tracing as you fall asleep or wait for him to wake up. He is your person and you wouldn’t have it any other way.

“Look, I know we just took a bath, but what if we hop in the shower really quick and get properly cleaned up and then I can make us a snack.” He offers, pulling at your ankle.

You just nod, letting him maneuver you up and out of the bed and into the shower. While this may not be the anniversary you had expected with him, you are more than content in this moment, just happy to be with the man that you love, and that loves you so much.

. . .

The moment you arrived back up at the main house you had been teased endlessly for not coming back up the night before. You had blushed like a highschooler but Lewis seemed proud, not having a care in the world that all of your friends were well aware how you two had spent the night.

“Ya know what? It’s our anniversary week, let us fuck in peace.” He had said pointedly at Charlotte when she had finally gotten on his nerves.

You felt bad for Miles' girlfriend, Cleo. She hadn’t spent much time with the group before, much less Lewis, and was evidently unprepared for just how little filter there was with everyone. She sat at the island with wide eyes as Lewis and Charlotte bantered about your sex life. You had shot her an apologetic smile as you tried to redirect your boyfriend onto a new topic. After that the day went smoothly. You ended up laying around the pool, everyone occasionally going for a swim or throwing around a football, just enjoying finally being away from their hectic lives.

You ended up sitting with Cleo for a little while, hoping to get to know her a little bit better. You already quite liked her, finding her to be a great fit for Miles. If she was dating your boyfriend's bestfriend you only found it fitting that you learn a little bit about her. You ended up chatting for quite some time, noticing that both Lewis and Miles would glance at you both from time to time, content smiles on their faces that their girls were getting along so well.

“Miles really likes you, ya know?’ Cleo had said, surprising you.

“I hope so, he’s one of my best friends.” You laughed.

“Well yeah,” She laughed with you, “but I mean for Lewis, if that makes sense.”

You gave her a questioning look, urging her to continue.

“He talks a lot about how glad he is that you two are together, that he’s never seen Lewis this happy.” She continued, “I don’t really know Lewis that well, I’ve only met him like twice, but from what I can see he really loves you. Nobody looks at somebody like that unless they’re head over heels.”

Her words made you blush, not expecting her to say something like that, “I really love him too.”

“I can tell.” Cleo responded with a smile.

“Alright, who’s ready to go out and get drunk?” Steph yelled from behind you, ending your conversation with Cleo.

Your mind immediately flashed back to the last time you had all been at the islands club together. You couldn’t help but wonder if Miles and Lewis would even be allowed back in. Your eyes flicked over to Lewis who was rolling his eyes and already making his way over to you.

“I’m gonna steal her if you don’t mind.” He said politely to Cleo as he was already pulling you up out of your seat.

“As much as I would love to go just to see Mariana-” You start.

“We’ll go see Mariana while we’re here, but some other time. They can all go out and get drunk, I have other plans for us tonight, if that’s okay of course.” He easily cuts you off.

You let out a sigh of relief, immediately nodding.

“Good, now I’m gonna go figure out how to let Steph down easily.” He laughs, pressing a kiss to your forehead before stepping around you and making his way over to your friend.

“Come on Lewis, it’s been forever since we all went out.” You hear Steph argue with whatever he says to her.

“First off, do you remember the last time we all went out here? Didn’t go too well. Second-” Before he can continue his rebuttal he’s being cut off by Charlotte who is shockingly on his side.

“It’s their anniversary week, tonight is very important Steph. Remember?” You can tell Charlotte is alluding to something that you are clearly out of the loop on.

You watch as Stephs eyes go wide before nodding quickly while Lewis mutters to Charlotte “Real subtle Char’.”

You look at Cleo who just shrugs her shoulders, obviously not aware of what's going on either.

Everyone eventually calms down and starts getting ready, heading inside to pregame as you and Lewis say goodnight. He is promptly pulling you back down to your private bungalow for whatever he has in store for you tonight. When you get inside, he is pulling the shades closed on the windows that overlook the beach. You give him a look, knowing it’s not for your own privacy.

“Okay, I want you to take a nice long shower or bath or get in the pool or something for a little while. I’m gonna go take care of some things and then I’ll come join you and we can get ready.” He explains vaguely.

“What exactly are you taking care of?” You question him, still rather confused.

“Don’t worry about it, you’ll see soon enough. Just trust me, alright?” He shakes his head.

“Okay weirdo. Why’d you close the blinds?” You continue to question.

He lets out a small huff as he shakes his head with a smile, “You never stop with the questions, do you? Just trust me. Off you go.” He says as he turns you around, patting your butt, making you giggle.

You decide to spend some time in the pool, hearing him leave the small bungalow as you change into a different suit. When you slip into the pool you can feel the water cooling your toasted skin. You let yourself look out at the beautiful view, taking in the sounds and the scents that envelope you as you bask in your real life fairytale. You never thought that you would have this kind of life, being in beautiful places with an even more beautiful man who loves you so unashamedly, so wholeheartedly. You let yourself day dream about your future with him, how many kids you might have one day, where the two of you will inevitably settle down, what your wedding day will be like. You stay in the pool for what feels like a solid hour, still no sign of Lewis. You end up getting out, heading to take a shower when you hear other people's voices outside. Everything inside of you wants to run over to the window and peek at what might be going on outside but you restrain yourself, not wanting to ruin whatever it is that Lewis has planned for you. You end up staying in the shower much longer than usual, just enjoying the feeling of the water cascading through your hair and down your spine. A pair of broad arms wrapping around your waist surprises you, you hadn’t even heard him come in. He giggles at your shock, pressing a sloppy kiss to your cheek. Wordlessly you step out from under the water, letting him shower, letting yourself admire him as you so frequently do before stepping out and wrapping yourself in a towel.

“Hey, I wanted some company.��� He complains from under the shower head.

“If I stay in any longer I may turn into an actual prune.” You say, making him laugh

He’s much quicker with his shower than you had been. Coming into the bedroom as you stare at your suitcase.

“You know, it tends to be easier if you actually put the clothes on rather than just try to will them onto your body.” He teases you, pinching your hip.

“Well if I knew what I was getting dressed for it would be a hell of a lot easier.” You say to him, suddenly feeling stressed.

“Hey,” He says, sensing your unease, “wear whatever you're comfortable in, it’s just you and me.”

“But this seems special, I don’t want to mess it up.” You say, rummaging through your suitcase.

“It’s special because it’s us, doesn’t matter what you wear. There’s very little you could do to screw this up, I promise.” He says. 

You feel a small weight lift from your shoulders when you look up to see him slipping a t-shirt over his head. Part of you wonders if he did it just to make you feel better. You give him a soft smile, finally deciding on a sundress that is the perfect combination of cute and casual.

“Ready?” He asks, his hand outstretched, waiting for yours.

“Always.” You smile, taking his hand.

As he leads you out of the bungalow you feel your breath catch in your throat. If you thought the beach was beautiful before, you’re not sure quite what word you would describe it as now. He has had the beach lined with lights and candles, torches lining their way up to a beautifully set yet simple table. You can see that there’s a meal already waiting for the two of you on the table.

“Still trust me?” He asks quietly.

You just nod, looking around at the beautiful scenery, amazed that he made all of this happen. When you finally reach the table in the sand he is pulling your chair out for you.

“Madame.” He says playfully, gesturing for you to take a seat.

You giggle as he places a kiss to your cheek, moving around to his side of the table. He grabs the corkscrew off the table, taking the bottle of wine that was already waiting for the two of you.

“I wanted tonight to be special, and I wanted to be able to surprise you somehow. Sorry I locked you away for a bit.” He chuckles toward the end.

“Ah, how dare you lock me away in literal paradise.” You tease him, making him smile.

“You like it?” He asks and you can tell he’s nervous, not meeting your eyes as he pours you both a glass of wine.

“I love it Lew, it’s beautiful, thank you.” You tell him, reaching across the table to take his hand in yours, giving it a reassuring squeeze.

“I wasn’t sure how to exactly pull off making you dinner without you noticing so I kind of cheated and hired someone, well I actually hired Mariana, she’s quite the cook. She was upset she couldn’t come in and see you, I promised we’d come see her later this week. I did the lights though.” You can tell he’s still nervous, rambling things quickly.

“Well I have to say the lights are incredible, and I’d love to go see them.” You say with a light tone but absolutely meaning it, you feel like you're in some sort of wonderland.

He finally pulls the cover off of your meals, making your mouth immediately water, it looks incredible. Lewis has taken you on endless incredible dates, but this one has to take the cake, the effort alone making you swoon. 

Once he is convinced that you are just as happy as you say you are, you can see him visibly relax. His whole demeanor shifting back to the light hearted, loving man that you know so well. Dinner carries on as usual, your conversations seamlessly going from joking banter to important life topics, the flow that you’ve always found yourself so comfortable in with him, even before you started dating. Once you’ve finished eating he’s bringing his seat closer to yours so he can wrap his arm around the back of your chair, pulling you into his warm side.

“You know last night when I asked where you wanted to be in five years?” He asks you quietly.

You hum, leaning your head against his shoulder.

“Well, I left something out of my answer.” He says, confusing you. “I know I said I wanted you by my side, obviously, but I didn’t really elaborate enough.” He’s only confused you further.

Before you can question him, he’s standing from his seat and moving his chair back. You swear your heart stops when you look at him. He’s down on one knee in front of you, reaching into his pocket.

“Lew.” You croak out, not sure what else to say.

“I know, I know that to every other person on the earth, this probably seems insane. It probably seems so fucking quick, and hell it is, but Y/N, I know what I want, and what I want is you, forever. I have loved you far longer than I’ve ever let you know and I think the same goes for you. Since the day I met you I knew that you were going to be monumental in my life somehow, I just didn’t realize exactly how or quite how much. I love you more than I have ever loved anything before, I love you in a way I didn’t know was possible, in a way I didn’t even know I was capable of.” He pauses for a moment, finally opening the small box in his hand to reveal the most beautiful ring you have ever seen in your life, “I’m not asking you to marry me tomorrow, we can still take our time, we have so much ahead of us. All I’m asking is that tonight you make me a promise, that one day you will be my wife. You’re my forever Y/N Y/L/N, let me be yours.”

There are tears streaming steadily down your face, not sure how to process everything he’s saying. You want to nod your head, you want to say yes, but you’re frozen, until those words finally slip through his lips.

“Y/N, baby, will you marry me?” His own voice catches in his throat as he asks the question, obviously nervous and overwhelmed.

“Yes,” you finally choke out, “oh my god of course, yes, fuck of course.”

Your cries are now turning into almost laughter, overjoyed and overrun with emotion.

“Yeah?” He asks, sounding as if he doesn’t truly believe what he’s hearing.

“Oh my god, yes.” You cry through your smile as he stays frozen on his knee, his face breaking into a smile. “Kiss me you idiot.” You laugh.

Within seconds his lips are on yours, pulling you up out of your chair to hold you as close as humanly possible. You can taste the salt of your combined tears as you both laugh into the kiss, giddy with excitement.

“I know it’s so quick but I feel like we’ve been together so much longer than we really have. We can wait as long as you want, there’s absolutely no rush. I just need to know that one day you’ll be my wife, and I want the world to know that too.” He rambles when he finally pulls away.

“I know, I know, of course,” you laugh, kissing him again, “now give me my ring!”

He laughs at you, fumbling with the box slightly through shaky hands before finally sliding the ring onto your finger. It fits perfectly and you can’t help but wonder if Charlotte helped him. The diamonds twinkle in the fairy lights surrounding your table as you admire the look of your engagement ring sitting on your finger.

“So do I have to wait to become Mrs. Hamilton?” You ask.

“Y/N, I would marry you tomorrow if you let me.” He says, kissing you again, your teeth clashing through your smiles.

“What were you going to do if I said no?” You ask him with a teasing tone.

“Honestly? I have no idea, but I was pretty confident you’d say yes.” He says, smirking.

“Is this why you needed to bring me back here?” You ask him, staring at your new ring.

“Yeah, it only felt right. Full circle.” He whispers, “This is also why I’ve been so awol recently. I was making last minute changes to the ring because it needed to be perfect and I was trying to plan this. I’ve been so excited and I know myself well enough to know that I would have let it slip if I was talking to you too much. I’ve never been able to lie to you.”

You can’t help but laugh at the fact that not only is that true, but the reason you had been so annoyed with him the last few weeks was actually a side effect of him planning the most beautiful, loving thing you could think of.

“Everybody knows, don’t they?” You giggle, knowing he wouldn’t have been able to keep it from at least Charlotte and Miles.

“Yeah, they’ve known for a while, longer than I’ve even had the ring.” He blushes.

“Lewis, I love you so much. Thank you, I can’t wait to marry you, I’m so glad you’re the man that will be by my side for the rest of my life.” You tell him sincerely, feeling yourself get emotional again at the thought.

“I love you too my darling, I wouldn’t dream of going through life with anyone else.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Final Note: I had to stop myself from continuing on with this and adding a time jump and their wedding day, it was so tempting. Let me know, does anyone want a one shot of their wedding day at some point? Some cute pre-wedding jitters, vows, wedding night, etc?

I hope you all enjoyed!

[gabrielsbubblegumbitch]

DROP YOUR DX FOR VOX !!!!! Please and thank you.

I would like to preface all my posts on headcanons related to psychology and mental illness with a disclaimer: diagnosing mental conditions, especially personality disorders, can be extremely challenging. It's a complicated process that relies heavily on a psychologist's interpretation of facts, making it susceptible to biases. Personality disorders cannot be diagnosed based on surface-level observations and are not just labels that we can assign to people like in the case of MBTI. Additionally, I am not a clinician with any expertise in diagnosing people. Therefore, the following post should not be taken as a reliable professional opinion. It's simply my interpretation of the internal mechanisms that may be responsible for the behavior of certain characters in my fan fiction. Furthermore, I want to make it clear that I have no intention of stigmatizing people with personality disorders by associating them with villains. A personality disorder does not determine someone's character or make them a bad person. Some characters may be evil because of the choices they make, not as a result of their mental conditions.

(I've already posted some stuff here so I'm not going to repeat myself.)

Okay, so, Vox has Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD). It's crucial to distinguish this from "common narcissism" (people often described as "narcissists" by others just because they are egotist assholes; kinda ableist, you shouldn't do it because it's extremely stigmatizing towards people suffering with actual NPD) . While those individuals typically function well, those with NPD exhibit all the traits – grandiosity, egocentrism, attention-seeking, intense power fantasies – but as it's a disorder, these traits lead to inflexible and maladaptive patterns of behavior and cognition.

NPD has its roots in intense feelings of shame, low self-compassion, and self-loathing. In my interpretation, Vox has always felt inadequate. His father inherited an enormous amount of money, establishing a media conglomerate in the 20's. Vox's mother, captivated by the world of movies, used them to escape her reality as a trophy wife. Despite her dreams of becoming an actress, Vox's father, possessive and protective, prevented her entry into the entertainment industry. As a compromise, he made their son a child actor, with the condition that it would be temporary. When Vox grew older, he was expected to transition to learning business and other skills, ultimately to take over the family's empire.

So, Vox was never enough for either of his parents. His father thought of him as annoying and unserious due to his talkativeness and exaggerated behaviors, attributing it to growing up surrounded by actors. As for his mother... Vox turned out to be a terrible actor, struggling to convey emotions that weren't bombastic and over-the-top. Being a teenager is humiliating enough, but imagine being a teenager bad at something and forced to do it for a worldwide audience, when the whole production crew is annoyed with you. Fortunately, he grew up to be devilishly handsome (not to be a simp, I just believe someone must be handsome to endure the ethereal punishment of having their face swapped for a TV screen) and entertaining, leading them to make him a TV host and media personality.

Anyway, NPD is all about creating a perfect self and projecting it to the world when you're deeply ashamed of your true self. It means that, no matter what you're doing, you're constantly concerned about how it looks to other people. You constantly play an exhausting game, trying to win gold stars of social admiration for every-fucking-thing, guided by superficial ideals of wealth, perfection, beauty, and, above all, power. One reason Alastor's existence bothers Vox so much is the fact that he cannot comprehend the idea of someone choosing radio over his "objectively better and correct" medium. Vox lacks the ability to understand nuanced sentiments, which ironically makes him thrive in Hell. In this anarchocapitalist, lawless society, survival of the fittest prevails, and this is a game he excels at playing.

Generally, the best approach for individuals with NPD is to pull them out of delusional thinking by confronting their beliefs about the world and themselves with reality (it should be performed by qualified therapist, especially when someone hasn't completed any kind of therapeutic process yet). However, in Hell, Vox's behavior was no longer in violation of social norms; on the contrary, it was highly rewarded. Consequently, he completely lost his shit, became unhinged, and began acting on all his previously suppressed urges. He finally fulfilled all narcissistic power fantasies and became (almost) untouchable. Now, he's ready to kill anyone who questions him, seeing it as threatening to his fragile image of the perfect self.

He exhibits strong bipolar tendencies. Most of the time, he's power-tripping in a semi-maniacal state. Periodically, he undergoes deep, depressive episodes, locking himself up in his apartment and avoiding interaction.

Constantly guarding this fragile image of the perfect self that he built is exhausting. The bigger this image gets, the more fragile it becomes, like a house of cards. And guarding it becomes more and more exhausting. But there's nothing scarier than the idea of the facade falling apart and people seeing him as he is: imperfect and vulnerable, damaged and ashamed, rotten and evil. Deep down, he knows he's unlovable, and it hurts. He knows that true love exists; he craves this ultimate form of admiration and devotion, but it requires vulnerability and honesty, which he's not capable of. He's only vulnerable with Valentino, and only occasionally when he's intoxicated or when Val fucks every last thought out of his body. He's very much a controlling top insecure about his masculinity, so the latter happens rarely.

Also, drugs. Oh, do this man enjoy some coke. Other drugs and booze, not so much; they make him feel less in control. But getting coked up, going out, causing a scene, killing some poor souls, and relishing this feeling of being completely untouchable? Feels so good.

When it comes to Alastor, he hates him because he's jealous. Despite all his efforts—building a perfect persona, a perfect company, perfect entertainment—this stinky, outdated, and boring radio demon gets so much attention and admiration that should be his. Moreover, he feels that Alastor can see right through his bullshit. He's so paranoid about it that he's almost certain Alastor knows about his childhood traumas, about his death, about all his truths, and could one day broadcast it for all people of Hell to hear. So, he needs him dead.

Note: these headcanons (especially Vox's past) are very important part of my fanfiction. Please feel free to use them in your fics but I'll appreciate if you tag me 🩷

Velvette hc | Valentino hc | Vees + Angel hc | VoxVal hc

[narcissistcookbook]

Hi! I am little nervous, I have never approached anyone quite like this. First of all, I love your songs, they have made me happy and moved to tears many a time. You strike me as a person who has something to say. Although there is something I have been wondering... I have not seen you post anything about the genocide in Gaza. I know it's in no way your responsibility to give your opinion on anything you don’t want to but I guess personally, I'm a little confused. I feel like your music doesn’t shy away from politics so I am wondering if there is any specific reason you have not posted/said (to my knowledge) anything about Palestine? Thank you for taking your time to read this. You can respond in any way you want to and if you don’t want to, I hope I at least made you think for bit. ^^ Thank you for your music and thank you for existing<3

short answer: I believe there are forces within Israel's government and the more militant populace who would happily commit a full-on genocide if given the chance. I believe they're a minority.

I believe the events on October 7th radicalised a lot of previously moderate Israelis whose private stance is now that it's not a nice business going scorched earth on Palestine, but if they just hand-wring for long enough then the 'problem' of Palestine will be solved by Netanyahu and his government. They believe they can then absolve themselves of blame for the atrocities by voting him out and claim they were never in favour of his approach while still benefitting from the end of a near-century old compromise to their preferred scenario - which is an ethnostate. I believe most of these people might not even be aware on a conscious level that this is what they want.

I believe Hamas is using human shields by holing up in or near dense population centres, and I believe that the solution to that tactic shouldn't be killing civilians and saying they got in the way of your bombs.

I believe that Hamas probably were/are setting up within or near some hospitals, I haven't seen any convincing arguments as to why they wouldn't do that - I believe the response shouldn't be to destroy the hospital.

I believe there is no effective and ethical means of fighting Hamas with military force. It can be done effectively but unethically or ethically but ineffectively. I believe the majority of the Israeli government / professional military cares very little for doing it ethically.

I believe Israel as a state is an inherently colonial enterprise - which puts it on roughly equal footing with its closest allies.

I believe I am thoroughly capable of falling for misinformation about everything I just stated, which is part of why I've been reluctant to talk about this.

I believe it's odd to expect me and other entertainers to talk publicly about Israel/Palestine with any degree of authority. The reason for this being that if I say one thing wrong or get one statistic out of place, it invalidates my entire argument in the eyes of the very people I would be trying to convince and risks invalidating others' arguments if I make a particular mess out of it.

I believe it is performative for most entertainers to talk about this publicly - not in the sense that I or they are being insincere, but that there is an expectation for us to invoke certain left-wing shibboleths to signal that we're part of that ingroup, and reluctance to join in is taken as evidence that we're part of the outgroup.

But here we are. Those are all my beliefs on the topic.

[lemotmo]

Question and answer. Their fight is clinging to life right now.

Q. I just don't understand how you could have liked Tommy so much after episode 4 and still refuse to admit that the reason you don't like him now is because you don't like Lou. Tommy changed after episode 4 because their relationship changed. It got more serious as the season went on and we saw Buck change and grow as that relationship grew. He even took back his name as a result of his relationship with Tommy. The show has shown Tommy to be supportive, encouraging, protective and funny. Just because we didn't see specific scenes showing all of those things doesn't mean that the show isn't implying they don't exist. Oliver and Lou don't have the same comfort level of Oliver and Ryan no one cares. Who cares if Oliver doesn't like him? I don't. It's his job to show up and act professional.

A. Okay I'm going to answer your question, but I'm going to get very real with you very quickly. I am not the place for any of your reclaiming his name bullshit. That is not what he did. That is not at all what the Evan thing is about. You know that, and I'm not going to humor your ridiculous attempt to claim otherwise. As for the rest of your ask, where exactly was it shown that their relationship was serious? What episode was that? And did you really say just because the show didn't show us specific scenes of Tommy being the perfect boyfriend doesn't mean they're not implying those qualities are there? What scenes implied those qualities? I'm going to go through this in a very simple way because you seem to be struggling with everything.

My opinion of Tommy changed because the show wanted it to change. We now basically have confirmation that episodes 7 through 10 were rewrites, and the scripts were rewritten, hastily, during the winter break. Tim has all but confirmed that at this point. Their filming schedule also confirms this. They were filming the next episode the week the current episode was airing. Which means the new scripts were written AFTER episodes 4 and 5 aired. Meaning Tim and the writers knew you all liked Tommy. They had that knowledge going into the rewrites. They didn't give him a scene where Buck talks to him about his feelings regarding the name Evan, the audience knows how Buck feels about that name. The show would have absolutely given the audience that scene. The show didn't give him a scene where he comforts Buck during the whole Bobby ordeal. Tommy had one scene in the finale it could have easily been at the hospital. In fact it would have been easier if it had been at the hospital. Instead they went out of their way to work in a deliberately awkward scene. The show didn't write anything for him that was comforting, encouraging, protective or funny. What the show wrote for him was:

"They had Henley's in the 80's"

"Enjoy it while it lasts"

" I certainly hope so" (when Buck asked him if he thought he had daddy issues) and even Tim has long since stopped trying to pass this off as flirty.

I didn't invent that dialogue. It didn't come from a cameo video or a headcanon. The show gave him that dialogue. That dialogue is his canon character. Nothing about any of that is charming as Buck's boyfriend. I have said repeatedly that they're not writing him as a BAD guy. They're writing him as a bad FIT for Buck. And that's okay! You can still like him! You can headcanon the relationship as something else entirely, that's your prerogative, but the show's writing is very clear. I'm following the writing. As for Lou, I am an adult. This would not be the first show I've watched where I didn't like a particular actor/actress. I find Lou gross. I don't deny or pretend otherwise. But I can separate Tommy from him for the sake of the show. That's called compartmentalizing. That's what adults can do. None of this is difficult for me because I'm following the show's lead. You all are the ones killing yourselves trying to force a narrative that doesn't exist. I will also take this time to point out something that was a first this season. This was the first season in the history of the series where Buck had no storyline. Buck had one episode of plot the entire season and it was episode 4. The entire rest of the season for Buck was spent in Eddie's storyline. Not scenes with Tommy. Not scenes building up that serious relationship you speak of. His entire character purpose this season was spent in the Eddie storyline. You cannot build up an outside relationship when you're doubling down on the Buddie aspect. And the show spent the entire season doubling down on that pairing. For better or worse, whether you like it or not, every single partner Buck or Eddie have will be compared to their relationship with each other. And the show puts zero effort into any of their other relationships. Anna was clearly supposed to be Eddie's realization relationship but when Kristen scrapped that she ended up just being awkward as hell. Marisol didn't even have a last name. The only thing we were ever told about Natalia was her fascination with death. Tommy has been no different. The show gave the bare minimum required to indicate that he doesn't fit Buck. His entire dialogue , minimal as it was, this season was dedicated to highlighting that. And that has always been the problem. The show isn't interested in building any relationship for Buck or Eddie outside of each other. And if they were going to do it this was the season to do it. Brand new network, new expectations and a fresh start. And instead they doubled down on them. And in fact made more effort to highlight and showcase their connection. I didn't get that from a cameo or headcanon either. The actual canon scenes told us that. They didn't give Buck a storyline this season so his scenes could be used entirely for Eddie. He wasn't used off screen with Tommy he was used on screen with Eddie. It was a deliberate choice.

As for Oliver, you all are the ones who keep bringing up that Oliver and Lou don't appear to be close. If you didn't care you wouldn't keep bringing it up. They're not required to be close. And we have no actual proof that they outright dislike one another. What we know is they're clearly not comfortable with one another. And there could be many reasons for that. I doubt, given what we know of Oliver, and what we learned about Lou this year, that they have much of anything in common. It's hard to bond when you have nothing in common to bond over. There is also no way anyone involved with the show, outside of Lou, didn't have a problem with what the cameo videos created. They were a completely avoidable mess. A mess that Lou openly encouraged until he could no longer financially benefit from interacting with those people. And Oliver is a professional. He has never shown anything other than completely respectable, professional behavior. But please don't interpret that as him not having a say because he very much does. But I doubt he spends any amount of time worrying about what your opinion of him is. Unlike some he doesn't have to pay for validation.

All right, I have another OP truth bomb for you guys. Thanks once again to the kind Nonny who sends these to me.

I won't add anything to this one, because I think all that needs to be said is explained so beautifully in this post.

So enjoy!

Heads up! For anyone who is giving me the shifty eyes for reposting these anon OP updates instead of reblogging. Don't get mad at me. There is a reason for it and it's all done with consent from the OP. You can find out more about that here.

Remember, no hate in comments or reblogs. Let's keep it civil and respectful. Thank you.

If you are interested in more of the anonymous OP’s posts, you can find all of their posts so far under the tag: anonymous blog I love.

[khaopybara]

They all seem so fragile!! I am struggling to picture them doing sports-related activities 🙈🙈

i don't know why you got that impression, anon.

i mean, they look very well prepared for all of that, right?

khaotung is notoriously known for being a lazy ass, so honestly, whatever chances we have to see play sports is very entertaining to me. and he also plays into the joke (the 555 that he picked this year is just the beginning!) which is great. it's not like they are not enjoying themselves. fk even prepared gigs to play during the game last year tho they couldn't play them at their full potential since one of them would be benched while the other played.

we have professional former players, people who play every other week, and many fit people in gmm, but this is not their specialty and it can be a little too much indeed, however, the one person i don't feel sorry at all to see at the starlympics is force. force was made for shit like this. i dare to say force has yet to lot hotter than he did when he attended the games last year (whoever made him a football player in perfect10 knew what they were doing). allow me to post a thirst trap of him from that day.

right? i mean...

as for the girls, i remember last year that people were livid (with reason) that gmm made them be only cheerleaders (kt should have been one, just saying), play tug war and look pretty (and pretty they looked).

but i'm quite happy they are being allowed to participate more this year, even if it's just running (i am of the opinion they should play dodge ball. it would be so much fun).

all of that to say that, yes we might not get the high quality sports play, but i assure they are not the most fragile, you see...

milk at least will be serving in the 'i don't work out just to lift the love up' department.

[exeggcute]

I hope you don't mind me sending this ask, feel free to ignore it, but I am trying and failing to understand your point about (trans-)misandry.

In my understanding, "misogyny" is a name given to a collection of negative attitudes and prejudices towards women (and femininity). It plays a role in the structural oppression of women, but it is not synonymous with it. Accordingly, "misandry" just denotes a collection of negative attitudes and prejudices towards men. Misandry does not play a role in structural oppression, because men are not structurally oppressed as men, but claiming that negative attitudes and prejudices towards men do not exist just seems silly to me. Just because misandrists are not a huge societal force does not mean they don't exist.

I think it is quite useful for thinking clearly about the matter to keep the words for attitudes and prejudices separate from the words for power structures: Even if tomorrow, every man on earth stopped being misogynistic, women would still be structurally oppressed, because the laws and social structures and unequal distribution of resources would continue to exist. Likewise, if we ever do get rid of the structural oppression of women, some men will probably continue to be misogynistic.

"Transmisogyny" as I understand it also started out as a word for specific negative attitudes and prejudices towards trans women (and in the original conception also towards feminine boys and men and drag queens and transvestites afaik), so using "transmisandry" (or "transandrophobia", already a concession) to mean certain attitudes and prejudices seems uncontroversial to me. The attitudes and prejudices on display in "Irreversible Damage" do seem to me to be rather distinct from the attitudes and prejudices targeting trans women, so it is useful to have a word for them, no? I find it quite fascinating how typical misogynist attitudes are in a way split up on the issue of trans people: The infantilisation is reserved for trans men and the demonisation for trans women, while in traditional misogyny these two go hand in hand. Why are you against using the words "transmisogyny" and "transandrophobia" to talk about this phenomenon?

hey, I appreciate you reaching open a discussion about this. also apologies for the delay, today was a little busy lol. typing on my phone rn so bullet points:

I am obviously not the Keeper Of Language (as much as I would love to be), but in my opinion one reason "misandry" is not a useful word is because of the implied false symmetry to "misogyny". you correctly recognize that one is underpinned by structural opinion and the other is not... but many people do not, lol. and a personal/professional axe that I've been grinding for a while is about reducing ambiguity in the way we talk about stuff, like generally speaking, so I'm of the opinion that "this word means different things to different people and causes a lot of confusion" is a solid reason to avoid using it when possible.

similarly, I think the fact that misogyny is a structural oppression and a major societal force is what makes having a specific word for it so useful. there are a lot of types of non-structural prejudice that basically boil down to Sometimes People Are Sometimes Mean To You, but we don't have a particular word that means "the thing where people are mean to redheads" or "the thing where people are mean to theater kids." maybe that'll change, but as it currently stands I just don't think having a single word for these things is useful or necessary, hence why there isn't one.

to your hypothetical about "if structural misogyny 100% ceased to exist but sometimes individual men were still mean to individual women," maybe not everyone would agree with me on this, but I kinda think that "misogyny" would no longer be the right word for the situation. like if someone with an innie belly button was mean to a person with an outie belly button, we'd just call that "being an asshole," ya know.

also part of me is curious about the origin of the word "misandry" now and like, whether the first people to use it were the bona fide men's rights motherfuckers who think men are structurally oppressed. totally speculating though. further research required

(I was gonna say another thing about how a lot of negative prejudices and attitudes around men have roots in cissexism and to some extent misogyny, like the idea that men shouldn't do X because only women do X and if you're a man who does X that means you're basically a woman, which is bad, because women are bad. or just plain old biological essentialism. but I don't know if I'm articulating this well so take it with a grain of salt.)

re. "irreversible damage" and similar panic about "oh no our precious innocent daughters are turning into men," I would argue there's a couple reasons that "misandry" isn't the word for what's happening here. one is that these transphobic parents don't categorically hate men or think badly of men; they love and accept their cis sons. the other is that I'm reasonably confident that parents who are transphobic about their transmasc kids would not be ANY less hateful about "son" who came out as transfem. which is all to say, their problem isn't just about having a transmasc kid. their problem is about having a trans kid, period.

and that also ties into the "infantilizing vs demonization" thing, which a lot of people have pointed out basically comes down to... transmisogyny. there's an element of both cissexism and misogyny in the way transmasc people are cast as victims (because they're "really just girls," and girls are weak and easily influenced), AND an element of both cissexism and misogyny in the way transfem people are cast as predators! because what's happening here puts transfem people in a sort of limbo where they're not recognized as women, but not exactly recognized as men either: the accusation is that by virtue of their birth assignment, they can't truly be women (cissexism), but also that by eschewing maleness and seeking femininity they've become something "other," a failed man, who will always be marked by an unacceptable affinity for womanhood (misogyny).

the "predator" part of that is informed by a number of factors, including the way that people assume Being A Girl On Purpose must be a sex pervert thing because they think womanhood is inherently about sex and sexual availability (misogyny!), but I don't know if I can articulate it very well and I don't have any good quotes handy. if someone reading can explain it better or has a quote to throw in, please do!

[askingbecca]

Unpopular opinions about religion (from an atheist)

- If you need god and hell to stop you from “sinning”, maybe you’re just actually not a good person???

- The bible is fake and it has been proven that it has been rewritten many times over the centuries to match what people want it to say

- The only anti-abortion arguments are based on religious beliefs meaning that if we truly had separation of church and state it would not be a political topic, just a personal choice not to get one yourself

- The pledge of allegiance says “one nation, under god” so no one should be forced to say it if they don’t believe in it, in any setting

- They anti-LGBT+ arguments are also entirely based on religion so again shouldn’t be a political topic

- Putting god and trump in the same photo is literally against the commandments (2. Thou shalt not make false idols) so the conservative extremists who say they are christian but idolize trump are going against the their own bible

- Children shouldn’t be forced to be the same religion or religious at all until they can make choices for themselves

- Religious people should not be in healthcare if they cannot separate personal opinions/choices from what the job requires. Healthcare professionals need to base their practice on evidence based care, patient needs and science

- Churches should be taxed

- Being able to claim religious beliefs as a reason not to get vaccinated is why so many people have gotten sick or died

- Addiction and prison rehabilitation is often attributed to “finding god” so again if god is the only reason you are good, maybe you just aren’t a that good of a person (addiction is a disease and should be treated as such)

- It’s literally so delusional to believe that some higher power created all of existence

- Again saying you hear or see god is just visual or auditory hallucinations indicating mental illness

- Being an atheist I live so freely with no religious guilt or desire to please some made up person. I still treat all people with care and respect because I have the desire to be good for no one but myself and those around me

- If there was a god why doesn’t he answer prayers? I prayed for most of my childhood to stop being molested by my sister and he never once answered. Now I live with cPTSD and depression because of it and I am not the only one

- Religion stops people from acting without bias and it costs many lives

- World peace could have been a thing if there was no religion to start wars and separate people

- Saying “all lives matter” but then turning around and voting for trump is a contradiction because his policies don’t include all lives

Just my opinion tho🤷🏼‍♀️

[sgiandubh]

In property we trust

A recycled Anon from Mordor (¿Quieres un chicle? ) sent this pearl to @bat-cat-reader :

What a gargantuan twat, this one. I am howling with glee.

You do not buy a house under a trustee, you fool. You either sign a Declaration of Trust when you buy a new property OR you put a house you bought in a trust, for crying out loud. These are two slightly different situations, but both point out towards the absence of normality.

First situation: you sign a Declaration of Trust when you buy that house. The person or company who paid the money (always for tax reasons) is the settlor and you are the trustee(s) who sign the document:

To cut the story short, I found this very clear article, explaining everything better than I could at almost 1 AM local time (https://www.elitelawsolicitors.co.uk/declaration-of-trust-for-property/):

You basically buy a property like you would buy shares in a firm. You are business partners of sorts, because there is no prior cohabitation agreement between you and you want to be clear about how you would split the money between the two (or more) of you, if you sell that house for a benefit.

Why would you do it? IF THEY DID IT.

First reason: you are not married.

I am not going to discuss this. I am just leaving it here, for reference. You are free to make up your mind. It is my professional duty to explain, though, that this is the most logical and frequent reason you would choose to sign this document.

Second reason: the 'partner' has an abysmal credit history and is NOT solvable

Therefore, that person is NOT on your mortgage, simply because I doubt the bank would enter in such a financial arrangement with you. Remember my Legal Anon? I explained that she did not, by design, include McSideburns into the ownership paperwork for Cleveden Drive. Now it all makes sense. I believe that this is the reason why they signed a Declaration of Trust. But this is my opinion and I do not force anyone to join me.

Third reason: if something goes awry, the partner can prove he/she has a right to some of the sale's benefits, while the major investor has his/her investment safely protected, too

Why would you sign a Declaration of Trust to "protect yourself against any disagreements and misunderstandings that may arise later down the line" if your Remarkable Weekend was, what, four years ago? Déjà?

The above questions should be construed as rhetoric.

Second situation: you put a house you bought yourself (C) and with your money exclusively, under a trust benefiting McSideburns. For example.

This is the situation I alluded in the comment thread under @bat-cat-reader's post. For reference, the wee legal article is here: https://www.leaders.co.uk/advice/why-buy-a-property-via-a-trust

Now, before I let my Magic Highlighter do its tricks, let me explain something really quick.

In Roman Law (and also in Civil and Common Law countries, which is wonderful), the notion of legal property can be split in three:

The Usus: this is my house. I bought it with my money. I own it, I pay taxes and mortgage, if needed, for it and take full responsibility for it.

The Fructus: this is my house. I rent it to some nice, solvable people/tennants and I cash in the money. This is my cashola. Period.

The Abusus: this is my house. I don't like it anymore. I have kids. I need an extra bedroom. I want to move from Flushing to Manhattan (I won the lottery). I am selling it. The proceeds are my cashola. Period.

When you put your house in a trust, that means: I bought this house with my own money (C). I am putting it in a trust. I still have the Usus - it is still my house. I will give the Fructus to T, because he needs to sleep somewhere and/or the cashola from the rents. I could sell (abusus) that house under certain conditions, if I choose to.

Here is the article. It is particularly well-written and, in my humble opinion, very clear. It takes the example of a real estate investment on behalf of a child who goes to study out of town, but this is just an example:

You can even put up, as a settlor, a Lifetime Interest Trust, if you want: that would enable, for example, McSideburns to live in that house or rent it and keep the cashola until the end of days, for free.

I could go deeper with my analysis. For the moment, I will restrain myself to this very short overview.

I rest my case. Different opinions are always welcome.

[writingforfishes]

Possible Controversial Post But...

CW: THIS IS A HICCUP KINK ACCOUNT. THIS POST CONTAINS MENTIONS OF MEDICAL CAUSES FOR HICCUPS AS WELL AS POSSIBLE CURES

I am not a medical professional, just an avid researcher of anything having to do with hiccups. This post is not meant to diagnose or cure anything.

This blog is not intended for people under 18 to interact with or follow.

I'm really glad good hiccup cures exist. Like, I'm really happy that the hiccup cure where you tell yourself hiccups don't exist, and you don't have them, is helping people.

People who have frequent hours-long bouts of hiccups finding something that will help them from being uncomfortable and in pain is a really good thing.

Hiccups should be either enjoyable or mildly frustrating in real life. They should not be painful or severely uncomfortable either physically or emotionally.

In that spirit.

List of effective hiccup cures:

Sugar/Salt/Lemon (This method proposes that poor PH balance is the reason for hiccups and presumably works best for recurring hiccups due to digestion as opposed to emotional hiccups or triggered hiccups.) Take a spoonful of sugar and let it dissolve in your mouth. If hiccups persist... Take a spoonful of salt and let it dissolve in your mouth. If hiccups persist... Take either a lemon wedge and bite into it or a shot of lemon juice.

Other similar methods are shots of Apple Cider Vinegar and Pickle Juice.

I Am Not a Fish Telling yourself you are not a fish is a distractive method that is meant to remind your body that you no longer need to make an action to release gas from gills you don't have. This method probably works best for random bouts of hiccups that don't have a defined cause or that are caused emotionally. Simply say, in a state of absolute seriousness, "I am not a fish." Other distraction methods include asking the hiccuper to actively hiccup or having them prove they have the hiccups. Alternatively, promising them some sort of reward for hiccuping. The anticipation of hiccuping might draw their attention to their body's movements and actions to a point that the reflex arc that causes a hiccup will be broken. The latest distraction method is "Hiccups don't exist and I don't have them." This distraction method takes it further in proving to yourself that it's an impossibility to hiccup and therefore hiccuping will disprove the truth. I'm curious as to how long the novelty of this will be effective for people with persistent or frequent hiccups.

Breathing/Not Breathing There are a lot of controlling breath methods of curing hiccups. The one which has always worked for me is taking in all of the air in my lungs, sipping more until I can feel some soreness and pressure, holding it until I can no longer hold it anymore, and then releasing that air all at once and completely deflating my lungs but puffing out every bit of air they contain. There are a lot of variations on this including swallowing while holding your breath. The biggest trick, for me, has been to start breathing normally instead of waiting to see if you'll hiccup again.

I imagine this works because it is manually resetting the signals of breathing to your brain and overriding the unnecessary need to signal your diaphragm to convulse. This would probably be more effective for triggered hiccups from carbonation, stress/emotional hiccups, or hiccups from laughter/crying. I doubt it would be helpful for hiccups from digestive causes or persistent hiccups because the cause of the hiccups would still exist, and they might come back later.

The Many Uses of Water In my opinion, most of these methods are effective because they encourage your body to make movements that reach the vagus nerve and stimulate it. Or they use distraction plus vagal stimulation. Drinking from the other side of the glass forces pressure that might correct hiccups from a vagal standpoint. Drinking with your ears plugged directly engages the vagal nerve through your ears. Drinking with your nose plugged and your ears plugged creates pressure as well as direct vagal stimulation. Swallowing itself is a direct stimulation to your vagus nerve. Important to note that drinking MORE water does not make the cures any more effective. It's not water that is curing the hiccups but the action of how that water is ingested.

I imagine this method is pretty good for a lot of causes of hiccups. But persistent hiccups or hiccups that come back that are not caused by digestive issues might still return later. This might be less effective for emotional hiccups as well. I feel like this would help with digestive hiccups because water is often a pretty good method to quench (even temporarily) the acidity which may have caused the hiccups. Water will also (as long as your stomach isn't full and uncomfortable) help digestive issues anyway.

Peanut Butter Substitutes for the allergic would include any viscous or thick substance that the throat has to work harder to get down. Almond butter or sunflower seed butter might work. The reason this method is effective is because it, once again, runs into the vagus nerve and forces it to repeatedly do something to prevent itself from choking thus distracting it from the reflex arc your body has created for some yet unknown but hypothesized about reason. I imagine this would work well for stress hiccups, triggered hiccups from carbonation or spice, but perhaps not in the long run for acid unbalancing hiccups like digestive induced ones.

When Are Hiccups a Problem

If you have had hiccups for more than 48 hours without cessation you may have a hiccup issue that is deeper than usual causes.

If you have had hiccups that keep returning for several days (and it is not usual for you to have them that frequently), you may also have an issue.

Possible causes for recurring/persistent/intractable/chronic hiccups:

Medications:

Cortical Steroids (oral/injection)

Certain Benzos

Anything that increases acid reflux

Certain anesthesia medications

Certain nicotine replacements

(list is incomplete)

Medical conditions:

EDS/POTS (anecdotal)

GERD (and other digestive disorders that affect the stomach/throat or the PH balance of the body)

Ear infection/allergies

Rare tumor

Nervous system disorders including muscular disorders (presumably)

Chronic anxiety (yes, this is medically indicated, in my opinion)

(list is incomplete but would probably also include structural deformities/injuries, surgical procedures, and genetic disorders that would increase prone-ness to hiccups)

The point is, you know your body better than anyone else, even a licensed medical professional. If you are in pain and believe something is wrong, please seek out someone who will take you seriously. (This obviously goes for things beyond hiccups.)

My kink is NOT seeing someone tortured with hiccups. My kink is enjoying the happenstance of having hiccups, the movements of hiccups, the sounds of hiccups, and the person's reaction to hiccups. Fictionally, it is mild discomfort, embarrassment, or annoyance.

If anyone who doesn't have this kink, has the hiccups often, and has been contacted by someone who does have this kink without their consent, that is NOT okay.

I hope this post helps those who have issues with hiccups. From my perspective, hiccups are meant for fun. Hiccups are meant for enjoyment. And if you're not having fun having them (or having fun being admired for having them), then that's not it.

I realize this puts my blog and me in a possible direct line of awareness to people outside of the hiccups kink community, but I thought it was important to share some of my values here and redirect so much of the destructive communication that has happened from others who have this kink to people who are unwitting targets of them.

[multiisketch]

Ahhhh!!!! The first chapter is over and I'm about to go crazy! I'm looking forward to the second Part.

When I thought about the concept of Sonic in possession, something came to mind, and I was curious about your opinion as well. If Sonic really went over to the bad side, if his heart was reversed, Do you think there would be a character who could stop him if he fought completely without holding back? I mean, of course, Shadow comes to mind, but when I think about what kind of beings Sonic defeats, it feels like he's invincible.

By the way, I have to say. Your drawing style is so beautiful that I felt like I was reading the official Sonic boom comic. I'm watching the Sonic Boom series from start to finish, It's a lot of fun to watch again from the beginning. 💙✌️

Thank you, Shishino! Always happy to hear that my writing drives people crazy >:) XD

I don't think my style perfectly captures official stuff, but I am working hard to be professional! The dream had always been to one day work on the official comics :p Enjoy Boom! I'm also watching through it again. Gotta refresh my ideas bank every now and again.

Long answer to your question under the cut:

Your question is hard to answer. Mostly because I feel like Sonic is the type of person that will always have light in his heart. Even in his darkest moments he can be reasoned with. Even if his consciousness is being suppressed by some other entity (Fleetway Super comes to mind) he fights.

It's also important to remember that a lot of the creatures Sonic fights aren't defeated purely by Sonic himself. He almost always needs the power of the Chaos Emeralds. He almost always has someone else watching his back. Sonic's strengths are his kindness and friendships. Taking both away weakens him greatly.

For the sake of the argument, let's say there's absolutely no way to reason with Sonic and he is not fighting his blackened heart.

Shadow would have the best chance at winning in a one-on-one against Sonic. He wouldn't be blinded by emotion like the others. He'd fight at his full strength, too, in order to protect everyone. And, probably, because he'd be pissed at Sonic for letting such evil infect him.

But, even then, Shadow would find that his brute force methods suffer next to Sonic's more manipulative tactics. Just like Sonic does against gods, Shadow would need the support of his friends to subdue Sonic and maybe a Chaos Emerald so he could use Chaos Control. And that would just be Sonic in his normal state against a normal Shadow (no Doom abilities, Super forms, etc.)

I feel like Silver and Blaze are other good contenders because they can keep up with Sonic as equals. Their kindness, however, would weaken them. I doubt Shadow would care to try and talk Sonic out of it. Silver and Blaze would.

Sonic is not invincible. He makes good use of his resources. By switching sides he looses his most valuable tool kit. It won't be an easy fight. There would be loss. But I think his friends would be able to win out in the end.

[angelmelon]

How Leasebound suffers under the ablebodied gaze

Hiiiii I’m on my bullshit again 😘❤️

today we are going to talk about how Leasebound’s disability rep is kind of mid

we all know how I feel about the special ed teacher panel

and BONUS: this is Sunny’s insert. Sunny has never worked with disabled kids. RUSTY has never worked with disabled kids, and neither are disabled to my knowledge. I am disabled AND have worked with disabled kids. I still think that panel is complete bullshit, with the lack of knowledge on the topic showing through in the implication that there is ever an instance outside of imminent harm to yourself or others that you need to restrain a disabled child even if my old post may have admittedly overreacted. There is not. There is never an instance outside of imminent harm to yourself or others. If your special education facility has told you that restraint is an option at all when a kid hugs you too long, get a new fucking job 😭 the next alternative to a “let me go” or a collapse or drop move you weren’t taught somehow is never to “hm. If I don’t go to self defense training my only other option is to restrain them”

anyway to the guys I wanna talk about here

now let’s list off disabled characters

Shanzay (it’s not spelled Shanzey in any language Rusty should probably correct that)

Rocky

Uhhhhhhh

Ginger is most definitely disabled given the knee injury but that was most definitely added to give her a stereotypical middle aged “man” backstory of wanting to play professional football and then getting injured and it doesn’t even really come up on panel. Plus the trans women in the comic are. Well. We all know 😭😭

and I am of the personal opinion that Brick has some form of dwarfism or potentially Down syndrome due to how Rusty draws them (height, proportions, and facial features) but this was not done intentionally by Rusty and seems to have mostly been an attempt to make them look “clownish” which is a whole other set of issues. Like I thought Parniya was supposed to teach your grown adult fanbase not to make fun of people for their height or weight but your commentors say otherwise when it comes to Brick sooooo

anyway the only ones I can definitively say are disabled are Shanzay and Rocky

so so far the only 2 characters who are definitively disabled both got it from some big showey traumatic event, not looking good so far seeing as that’s a pretty common stereotype…

Shanzay has partial blindness, seemingly caused by blunt force trauma

Now I can’t believe I have to say this but…

regardless of how you are drawing this REALLY does not communicate a blunt force eye injury

fun fact: I’m not going to show a picture because HOLY SHIT the pictures are horrible but a healed blunt force eye injury (one that WOULD cause permanent full blindness in the eye) usually includes

partially or fully detached retina

reddish sclera for obvious reasons, it gets better overtime but it rarely fully goes away

usually rather than a perfectly vertical scar with stitches there is a bruise or a scar that isn’t. Yk. Perfectly vertical over the whole eye. Often a scar would be something like a deeper one over the eyelid, or uneven tiny scar bits around the eye. While we don’t see what Chris does to Shanzay exactly, if he hit her with what he had at the moment (his fist), she more than likely got a hugeass bruise with no permanent scar outside the eye, maybe a tear in the eyelid itself if we give Chris the disbenefit of the doubt that his single fist is that strong, or that he got multiple hits in. I mean he sells drugs or whatever so maybe??? I’m gonna be for real I doubt this guy’s mary sue ass strength he looks under half my dad’s weight

Bonus that shit is probably HORRIFIC if the injury wasn’t super bad then because it doesn’t seem like she was taken to the doctors

Better ways to stylize this sort of injury on Shez:

partially detached retina, rough healing

Retina removed surgically due to extreme injury or infection after injury, probably healed better due to medical intervention. Would likely wear an eye cap or glass eye cover to protect the eye

Traumatic cataract (what I think Rusty was going for??). Despite all the models you’ve probably seen or whatever the fuck a traumatic cataract is rarely completely perfect over the eye, and often the original eye color is slightly visible underneath. I specifically made this one partial, giving an easily stylizable but accurate look.

“why is this a problem?? Other media does this all the time”

yeah and I kinda hate it 😭😭 it’s one thing if all your characters have dot eyes, like just put an x there BOOM eye disability communicated. Also, Shez is never shown to have the same or similar disability needs to most people who are partially blind or blind in one eye. The large majority of people with full blindness in one eye cannot drive very easily, first of all. One, in most countries you need to pass a medical test. Also, if Shez’s injury is in fact a traumatic cataract, driving is either an incredibly difficult/stressful task, or just straight up unsafe, seeing as the areas of an eye a cataract falls over only allow for very limited vision.

Like bestie you CANNOT be looking back at Jaden like that regardless of potentially training yourself to drive?? Which even then you’re apparently driving at 3am or so??? It’s DARK AS HELL at 3am fuck off there’s no way

now I’m not partially blind or blind myself so people can absolutely correct me on this (blind people, not people with a totally super real blind cousin or something, I’m not centering ablebodied people here)

Shez seemingly has no trauma from her injury specifically. Only her mother is affected by it. Honestly that’s a lot of the Chris plot line; Shez only wants to save the people around her and that’s apparently good cause “power fantasy” like??? I thought this was supposed to be a comic about realistic women experiences or whatever the fuck.

Oh yeah and why is this panel kind of implying that Shez got her injury on the job when she got it from Chris 😭😭 I guess the rest fits but “this is a rough job” with the weird closeup of her eye 😭😭 bitch what does that MEAN Chris did not injure you at Yonique

okay next one

I have BEEF with this woman ‼️‼️‼️

Whoever decided they weren’t gonna at least teach Rocky sign language is a fucking idiot. Why is she communicating with the same *nod* *nod* she did when her muteness was new at 22 years old. Someone teach Rocky sign language!! ”you can’t expect rusty to learn accurate sign language just for Rocky” then I can’t expect her to respectfully write a mute character without falling into dumbass stereotypes

I do understand why Rocky wouldn’t have an AAC device… I mean, this is 5 (now 6 with Parniya!!) people living in one tiny living space in a city that has a huge classism problem, it’d be very difficult to get their hands on something like that. But. A text to speech tablet?? Like just an iPad?? Maybe??? There’s also AAC-like apps for both Samsung and Android. Rusty invents shit that doesn’t exist all the time!! (Like a plain white simultaneously loose and tight around the boobs turtleneck with plain black text that says yaoi. Looking at Kai) she could just invent an AAC app for Rocky to use that functions exactly like the expensive ones but free and on a standard off brand tablet!! PLEASE it’s giving Teardrop bfb but worse than that because Teardrop was 1. Originally written by children on YouTube 2. Eventually DID get means of autonomy and communication and most people understand and respect her. Rocky only gets nods. How is she getting a job with nods??? Interviews are unfortunately way more complicated than yes or no questions.

now my final issue, applying to both Rocky and Shanzay, which I briefly hinted to earlier

Their disabilities are BOTH from big life altering injuries or PTSD. Which can happen!! That’s fine, but it’s also the most stereotypical form of these disabilities. It’s the one in media most palatable to ablebodied people. Like the little disabled representation coming in the form of wheelchair users who cannot walk at all (often paralysis) or supergeniuses if it’s caused by anything else, or people who so tragically lost an arm, or an eye, or their hearing, or sight in a war, or a fight, or whatever, a mute person who does not communicate in any of the numerous ways that mute people do because the ablebodied writer does not believe they can. Like, you know that dialects of sign language have formed for mute or deaf kids from observation, right?? Even if Meriam didn’t teach her fucking kid to sign or get her in a learning environment where she could learn to, Rocky most definitely knows more than nod and shake, ESPECIALLY as a mute adult.

all the disabled characters are written in the most palatable way they can be to an ablebodied audience, by an ablebodied writer.

Easy fix: GET SENSITIVITY READERS OR DO PROPER RESEARCH BEFORE WRITING SOMETHING YOUVE NEVER TOUCHED JESUS FUCKING CHRIST

[a-luran]

Waaaaaiiiittt but potential of Arthur dyeing his hair . Vein little shit in his older years YES 100000% he’s too proud to admit he’s doing it. And out of spite he will stick to it until he’s last his hands.

Human au. But little baby Arthur shaving and putting anything in his hair to look more blonde his mother is 10000/10. Even better if his dad is somehow Differnet to his siblings dads (maybe his siblings have dads who are friends or some have the same dad) and he’s desperate for that connection to her.

Or if it’s nations au. Rome making him do it as he’s ashamed of him and hates that he is somehow connected to him. I just adore the idea of England having connections to Rome. Makes it extra angst if England and Albion are different people. Uk Celtic bros one day had Albion and the next had this new kid speaking another language insisting this is his land. With weird smelling hair (I dunno how he’d do it lemons???? Ammonia??) and some burning desire to conquer resting in his eyes (lemon smelling 6 year old is just a funny scary image)

He would absolutely be the kind of person to be shown a picture of (very obviously) himself as a child and say “I don’t know who that is” with a straight face, actively in the process of retouching his ends. (I have to admit that I am very partial to Arthur with blonde hair and dark dark roots. I don’t think that he’d hide he dyes his hair, just does not discuss it. It’s who he is at this point)

In a human AU I can definitely see this being a way for him to be closer to his mother, or who he thinks his mother is based off of old photographs. Maybe she had dark hair as well but dyed it— how could Arthur know, really? But it’s how he remembers her. It’s the her that left imprints in faded photographs.

In nationverse I think it’s a complex identity struggle, aye especially under rule. Either as a way to belong to himself, or forceful assimilation that sticks in a way he would battle to unlearn. The Arthur who existed before that influence does not exist anymore; he would literally not recognise himself in a mirror.

From a historical perspective he would have been able to lighter his hair with lye. There is a lot of evidence to suggest the use of ash as an alkaline agent. It’s not my area, but I can speak to a degree of different dyeing techniques for both hair and textiles across different periods of what we’d refer to broadly as the ‘Roman Britain .’ Even Pliny the Elder left behind commentary on how to achieve the perfect black and red dye job— in his opinion (for black he suggests rotting leeches in wine, for red he talks about a much more reasonable process involving beechwood ash and animal fat. A golden tone to is suggested to be achievable with saffron). You’ll find it suggested in some of the literature that sex workers and slaves were required to dye their hair blonde under Roman law. A lot of Roman law scholars and social historians disagree, for several reasons. Although it is true that prostitution was highly institutionalised, a likely middle ground is that blonde hair was desirable and pursued (which tells us plenty about the underlying social conditionings of desire, as well as the cultural, social and economic reading of blonde hair), and that in some instances may have been standardise as one of the professional markers of the sex trade.

[stopdyingnow]

Outcast // Hayakawa Aki x GN! Reader Fluff

Warnings: None. Sfw. Focuses on Aki and reader’s healthy relationship. Story note: This is before Power and Denji moved into his apartment and when Himeno was alive.

————- Note: I'M CRINGING SO HARD AT THIS ALREADY- ;_; ahem. Anyways, no manga spoilers or spoilers past season one are here. So Anime onlys are completely safe. :)

I randomly got motivation to do this since it is a shower thought I had. Fictional character brain rot, am I right? I don’t know if this is considered a full on fic but more of a one-shot. Hope you enjoy. This is my first time writing on Tumblr (or a full on one-shot in general lol) so yeah. Hope it isn't too bad, if you want you can give tips in comments. ^^

Ended up being a bit longer than I thought, it was fun writing even though I struggled a bit at times to be happy with the dialogue and stuff. May edit a bit (cough cough a lot) more.

————-

Another month, another day.

Nighttime had overtaken the skies as you hear your co-workers laughing and enjoying themselves. They're all having fun, no worries whatsoever.

You were invited by Himeno to go out and drink. To have some fun for a bit. To let go of reality for a bit. The harsh reality of devils and lives constantly being robbed of innocent people.

It was a successful mission, so you were at the ramen restaurant watching your colleagues get drunk off of alcohol. It smelled like sweat and alcohol in the air, as you quietly sat there at a table not speaking to anyone.

In all seriousness, you didn’t really want to come. You would much rather stay home in your comfort area. You mainly came for two reasons: one being that you didn't want to decline Himeno's offer and seem a bit rude. You were starting to run out of excuses to not come. Second, being that you didn’t want to be the only outcast who didn’t come to a meeting where your co-workers are supposed to celebrate and forget about worries. All in bliss, getting high off of alcohol, escaping from reality.

You chose a chair where not too much people were as their laughs kept echoing. You sat somewhere to at least make you seem a bit included. You didn't drink any alcohol. You weren't a big fan of some. Certain drinks to you tasted disgusting in your opinion, and you didn't know how someone like Himeno could drink it raw.

You tried to peer your eyes at anything in an attempt at trying to ease the awkwardness of not having anyone to speak to. You didn't want to make it obvious you felt left out. If you were being honest, you felt like an outcast, like you weren’t really as included as some other workers are. Nobody tried to talk to you. And if they would do other activities, you'd be at home. Uninvited.

Or if you were invited, you barely spoke to anyone. If someone would reserve seats in a restaurant for the entire division, you would be the the person who is most likely to have been forgotten. Leading you to then be forced to eat at another table away from everyone else. Either that or if you do sit with many others, you'd be there in silence. Only occasionally speaking as you watch everyone else chat away, carefree. Having fun, getting high, getting that spark in their chest when they find someone they really enjoy talking to, and enjoying their time there in general.

So in conclusion, you felt like an outcast to others. Some people would only occasionally speak to you, only to stop speaking to you again. You barely knew anyone of them outside of work.

Well, except for one person that is.

Hayakawa Aki. Professional Aki. Known for being number one devil hater. The man whose family was robbed of him. The man who was forced to grow up too early in his life.

The Gun Devil obviously impacted everyone. Including you. So you couldn’t help but sympathize with him. At least some people who got affected had somebody. Whether it was an aunt, uncle, grandparent…While for Hayakawa, he had nobody. He had always blamed himself for his brother’s death. You knew that since you’ve known him for a while now. He always has blamed himself ever since that day.

November 18th, 10:00 am.

The Gun Devil would arrive and hit Japan for 26 seconds.

Deaths: 57,912.

United States: 124 seconds, 548,012 deaths.

China: 37 seconds, 316,932 deaths.

Soviet Union: 210 seconds, 155,302 deaths.

India: 15 seconds, 29,950.

Canada: 7 seconds, 8,481 deaths.

Mexico: 2 seconds, 6,088 deaths.

Hawaii: 0.4 seconds, 780 deaths.

In about five minutes, the Gun Devil managed to rob almost 1.2 million people of their lives.

New laws were enforced, orphanages began to overflow with desperate children and teenagers alike, kids, adults, grandparents, teachers, nearly everyone alike was impacted by the Gun Devil.

Hayakawa Aki, the man who deep down is filled with sorrow, anger, and guilt.

You remembered all of that. Felt a bit of sorrow, pity, and guilt in your gut for him and other victims, as a familiar face you began to notice was standing in a corner.

You couldn't help but feel yourself light up a bit. It was an opportunity. At least someone you know is there. At least someone who you know personally is there instead of being alone awkwardly, barely knowing anyone. You then stood up, and begin to wave to him, being careful not to be too loud to the point other workers would notice you. But just enough to get his attention. He noticed your hand, as his eyes met yours and he began to walk to you. Suit tied perfectly, hair tied in a topknot, eyes darting onto you.

Mister Hayakawa. Number one devil hater. The one who is supposedly cold on the outside.

As he walked toward you, you lightly smiled as he breathed in a cigarette.

“Aki- how are you?”

You were desperate to find someone to talk to by this point. You felt like an outcast at times as stated. Barely anyone talked to you at the moment and before. You couldn't help but feel alone at times. Every time you'd met up for the division to hang out and have fun it'd be the same. You would just be silent and ponder why you even decided to come.

Aki was the only one you knew well in that division. He was the only one who attempted to talk to you. The one who you could sometimes notice smiling in your presence.

Aki, the one you can go to to vent your problems.

Aki, the one who even bothers to ask how you are.

Aki, the one who speaks ever so politely to people that deserve it. Especially you.

Hayakawa Aki, the one who is always concerned for your safety despite what people say. Hayakawa Aki, the one who treats your wounds if you injure yourself. Hayakawa Aki, the one who you can always go to for comfort. The one you trust…

You were broken out of your train of thought, when he responded.

“I’m fine for now, thank you. I hope everything is going well for you.”

“It’s going fine so far- just glad to see you here so I can have someone to talk to. Better than just sitting there alone, am I right?”

He raised an eyebrow slightly.

“Hm? Don’t you have anyone else who talks to you here? You seem easy to get along with. I'm sure there's someone other than me.”

“Yeah, well…”

You couldn’t help but feel a flutter when he said you were, “easy to get along with.” Did he mean it? Cold devil hater Mister Hayakawa, calling someone easy to get along with? How nice. How surprising it’s you out of all people.

“I don’t really have any, close ones here y��know? I mean…Nobody really tried to reach out to me except for you. Or at least not as much.”

He lightly took a puff of his cigarette, when he spoke again.

“I see.”

You couldn’t help but notice a bit of pity in his eyes. Like he felt a bit, bad for you in a way? It was very hard to notice. But you can swear he at least feels a tiny bit of pity for you. A bit of empathy.

Aki empathizes with you. He remembers what it was like alone. Having to recover his family’s cold and lifeless bodies. Or at least what was left. They didn’t even look human. They looked like cold mannequins disguised as humans. No life in their eyes. He remembers the cold air and numb feeling he felt in his chest. He doesn't even know how to describe it.

He remembers being frozen in fear as he felt indescribable emotions during that time. A bit of denial when he first saw his house get blown away. Trying to process what just happened to not only him, but the entire world. Fear, anger, sorrow, guilt…

He felt alone. Like an outcast, perhaps? Nobody was there. That was something that hit him like a rock. Something he had absolutely no choice but to accept. No aunts, uncles, grandparents, no nothing.

He remembers coming to the realization that he truly was alone. Lonely, is the right word perhaps. Over time, he didn’t feel anything to it anymore as he first did. He was now numb. He felt nothing. Empty, perhaps. He was used to that feeling now. As stated, he became numb.

He has been used to waking up, going to work, and in hopes of getting closer to achieving his goal of revenge to soothe all of the anger and sadness he has. He just felt a bit...empty. Perhaps.

He lived for nothing but revenge. Anger, hate, sadness, guilt.

He’d wake up every day in his empty apartment. It was the same cycle every day since the Gun Devil.

Wake up, go to work, come home, sleep, repeat.

Wake up, go to work, come home, sleep, repeat.

Wake up…go to work, come home, sleep, repeat…

Revenge. That was his only purpose. Nothing else. Repeat the same cycle every day and hope to get closer to his goal as stated. Hope to soothe the pain. Hope to get peace by revenge.

Afterall, he had nobody. So why should he care about anyone or anything else?

Although, there was one exception.

Someone that feels just as lonely as him at times. Someone that sits alone at gatherings, such as this one. Barely talking to anyone. Someone who can listen to him. Comfort him. Support him. Just as much as he does to other’s. Almost as much as to how he doesn't hesitate to pull out his sword to save a life. Almost as much as how with each stab or usage of the blade reduces his lifespan with every time he tears a devil's flesh.

Aki cries, you and Himeno know that.

Even if it is just a partner he has known for a bit or a rookie, he cries. He cares.

Aki, whose heart deserves so much more.

Aki, who is deep down one of the most empathetic and caring man you've ever known.

Aki, who’d cry over your death.

Aki, who would do anything to protect you even if he won’t admit how much you mean to him…

Sometimes, he might even think when he sees you that he might have something in his life other than revenge, anger, sorrow, guilt, or the same cycle for once.

Maybe, instead of going through the same endless and empty cycle, it was pretty fun to talk to you.

The day got a bit more fun whenever he talked to you. It was just recently he noticed that. He'd feel something whenever he would see the way you enjoy talking to him. Whether it was him telling you how ridiculous you can be, whether it was about devils, whether it is him venting his frustrations...

To see you smile, laugh, and to know you enjoyed it just as much. You were so grateful to how he was one of the few, no, the only one who reached out to you in and outside of work.

Aki, the one who tries to include you even in gatherings like these. The one who at least tries to speak to you if he sees you're alone in gatherings. All so that you don't get the saame feeling he gets when he's alone.

Aki, who makes the places where you're usually an outcast, left out in conversations, kind of fun.

Back at the present, you were there in your chair. The air smelling like alcohol, beer, and sweat. Aki stood there. His tall figure looking over you. Analyzing you.

That’s when you realized he has been standing this whole time.

It was a long mission, his legs must be sore and tired. You notice the bandage over his arm due to him donating some skin to the fox devil. He deserves a rest. A whole break honestly. A whole break from this miserable life in general. From this sorrowful world. A world where he could be happy and have a life purpose that isn’t revenge. Aki, who deserves so much more...

It comes to your mind to offer a seat to Aki.

“Oh, you’ve been standing a lot, haven’t you?”

“I guess so.”

“Here.”

You get up, and slide the chair out a bit.

You see he gets a bit confused as you pull the chair out, that's when you explain.

“You can have my seat.”

He gets a bit caught off guard by the sudden gesture. A nice act of kindness to him. He then begins to politely decline, not wanting to take your seat.

“Hm? It’s fine. I’m alright with standing. Thank you for the offer though.”

“Nono, you need a break, Aki. You really should...relax for once. You’ve been through a lot. And we got out of that mission barely alive. We don't even know if we'll survive the day tomorrow...So because of that,"

"can I at least offer you a seat, Mister Hayakawa?”

Been through a lot.

Been through a lot is an understatement.

For a while, he’s had nobody and his only life purpose was revenge.

Yet hear you are, concerned for him. Caring for his life. Even though you know his lifespan has been shortened due to the curse devil, you are still there with him. He gets baffled when he thinks about it. Someone as kind and sweet as you nurturing him. Listening to him. Even if he can't even owe you a full life if he survived. But yet, here you are still wanting him to relax. Offering him a seat. Comforting him. Smiling at him. Talking to him outside of work. Being concerned for him...

You’re a pretty damn good person, he thinks.

Just the way your eyes light up when you talk to him. The way they light up when you get really into conversations with him. That spark in your chest. The way you act that way around him.

He’d pretend to be annoyed by you at times. By your ridiculous conversations at times. Mister perfect Hayakawa. Always so professional. But deep down, he can’t deny it.

You’re adorable.

He gets out of his thoughts about you, about your pretty face. The one he could never bring himself to hurt or insult. When he is about to speak again to politely decline once again, you begin to slide his body down onto the chair stand up.

He gets a bit caught off guard when your arms go onto him. A flutter goes off in his chest as he realizes your skin is touching his.

“Please, let me, Mister Hayakawa.”

You lightly smile at him when your eyes meet his.

Mister Hayakawa. He’d pretend to be annoyed by the childish nickname you gave him just to tease him, however he can’t help but lightly smile at your childish teasing's. How you are always more cheerful around him. Especially when he tries to include you in conversations he notices you're left out in. He can't help but find it cute with how comfortable you are with him.

As he gets forced to sit down, you begin to walk away to maybe try and find another seat or a comfortable place to stand. But that’s when you feel a hand on your arm, ushering you down.

“Since there’s one seat, we’ll make it work.”

“Wait- hu-“

You get extremely caught off guard, when he drags you down onto the chair until you’re on his lap.

“Wait- Aki- wha-?“

“There’s one chair here, isn’t there?”

“How about we both sit here. It works. Doesn’t it?”

Your eyes widen a bit, extremely flustered and caught off guard. You did not expect that at all. Especially from Aki out of all people.

“Aki I’m going to crush you-“

“I’m fine. I can handle you sitting on my lap.”

You’re holding back your weight to not crush him, you're tensed up and incredibly flustered at him suddenly offering you on his lap. You look at him, a bit shocked. As he continues smoking his cigarette non-challantly like it's nothing.

You get even more caught off guard when he has his arms go onto your back and stomach, trying to straighten your posture.

Since when did he get so bold? You wonder.

When did he get so handsome? So charming?

“Straighten your posture a bit, bad posture can cause back pain. I don't want your back being sore on the next mission.”

“R-right…”

You swear you can hear him lightly chuckle as you’re on his lap. On how flustered you are. This is unlike him. Very unlike him. He's a sweet and empathetic man deep down. You know that. However this is in public, in front of others, where anyone can see.

However, this one time, perhaps he doesn’t care.

He wants you to be included. To not be like him when he was alone. Cold, empty, going through the same endless meaningless cycle in hopes for magically finding happiness one day.

Aki empathizes with you, Aki would always understand your emotions no matter what. Whatever happens, he'd always be as understanding as he possibly could with you.

“Aki, are you sure this is oka-“

“I’m the one who offered you on my lap, didn’t I?”

You nod, when his hands go to your shoulders to massage it. He tries to get you to relax, noticing how tense you are.

"You should relax, being tensed up can also cause soreness."

Because of those words, you begin to ease up a bit. You feel your body slowly stop being tense. And you swear you hear Aki chuckle about how flustered you are.

You’re cute. He thinks to himself.

A few minutes go by, and you and Aki begin to have some small talk. Some parts of the conversation about devils, how work is going, life, advice for outside of work…

For the first time in this gathering, you genuinely smile and laugh with him. As Aki looks at you, he notices you have that spark in your eye. The feeling you get when you're really enjoying a conversation with someone. That feeling in your chest. Like a fire being lit up and the flames burning. That great feeling. And if you're being honest, you can tell Aki feels the same.

Aki, the man you can always trust to be your therapist. The one who would wipe your tears if you cried. The one who calms you down. Helps you relax. You, the one Aki is empathetic towards. The one who Aki trusts to talk to. The one he can vent to. The few he wouldn't mind crying in front of.

You continue chatting instead of drinking. Him chuckling at some of your funny or weird retorts. You're still on his lap. Which in your opinion, is a lot more fun than getting high off of beer and alcohol as an escapism from reality.

Perhaps this night was a bit fun after all.

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. yes reader is quirky and not like the others ik. 😩✋🏻