#i am finally acknowledging which is a huge step

[phantom-of-the-ruckus]

So....

ok, after seeing some old posts. Legit embarrassment came over me for my cringe teenage years in DA. I personally feel conflicted mostly about the reactions, but let me make some things clear once that i was finally more in a more stable set of mind.

I am not upset or anything, I am just well nervous mostly and utterly embarrassed hahaha

TW: mentions of abuse, TW: trauma, and TW: mention of past S/A

ummm pls don't be mad. Legit bringing this makes me anxious and i deeply apologize for my harsh behavior (if there was), i was a traumatized teen and def not prepared to fandoms like i am now. I am an adult now, and far more matured than now. I understand the conflicted feelings. Furthermore, I am not the same person

Ok, first things first. If there was some cringe infamous EOA Saga in DA, that was my cringe teenager self. Yes, it was made by a teenager, which explains a lot. I don't think i ever fully disclosed (when my DA was active. I deactivated due to the new policies and i kinda just abandoned it) that during the EOA era I was a full on minor.

Furthermore, I was pretty immature and stuff, but also the fics and Shuriki were my way of coping from a former toxic-parent, bullying, and past SA (not exactly the R word, but it was a bit of abuse) which left me emotionally disturbed. Besides, I mostly wrote for myself and my friends. I wasn't fully emotionally matured as I am now today, and legit the fanfics were just a way to cope and just escape.

I know that throughout the characters, i chose freaking Shuriki to be the one to be attached to and cope, but I guess it was the fact that we knew so little about her, that it helped me self-project, but also become an odd comfort (which she still is my comfort character who i adore to explore her most vile and human side. Furthermore, I don't self project any more haha) and well she did help me cope and heal in my own way (which explains why i see her differently)

My reactions were immature as I was a young in a slowly developing internet, and i was more emotional than i am now.

Let alone, I was heavily depressed and constantly dealing with solitude and so much stress, specially in the early years after a direct S/A (mostly harassment) and hypersexuality due to the S/A (which it can really be reflected on those fics if you were able to read them)

I didn't know how to fully express myself, due to sadly being mostly conditioned to hie my emotions and during that time I was in denial of the S/A that happened. I of course didn't act the best, but i am glad i can have second chances and better opportunities.

This is not an excuse, but just rather explaining my behavior. I wasn't emotional ready back then, and ngl being in the fandom heavily intimidated me as I am very socially awkward and shy.

Regarding how I feel about her ship and Esteriki in general. I'll be honest. I don't know how to feel truly. Its both a mix of awkward, funny, not so good memories, but nonetheless it was part of my teenage development which I didn't expect that it would be known and accidentally make a ship that haunted this fandom for years (sorry for the jumpscare, the internet was young, and so I was) but I am thankful that I got to meet long time friends, and grow as a writer and a person.

Do I still ship it? I dunno, my opinions changed, and so my views of their dynamic in cannon and fannon. Would I still do it? I dunno tbh as my fixations had changed.

I am thankful people simply ignored me, and hopefully assumed correctly, back then I was a teenager. I am well aware I'll prop won't be unblocked b, butt's fine. Legit, I think i am far better and finally mature enough to give a full on explanation.

[hazshit-hotel-hater]

Rewatching “All 2 U” and under the contexts of how I personally perceived Stolas’s songs in “Look My Way” and “When I See Him” theres so much potential here for this to be actually interesting and its so far just being thrown away. In every song I have mentioned Stolas has moments where he stops and thinks “maybe I was the problem”.

Examples being:

"Unless it's me, and no matter what in this world I could give; it's not enough to get through the walls you've conjured up to live"

"I will try to make amends for making you means to an end"

"Am I doing something I can't take back? Would he want me if he was free? And if he's only here as a prisoner what kind of monster does that make me?"

"But maybe it's all on me for missin' every sign and every glance and every turn."

"Maybe there's somethin' here for us to glean for you to teach, and me to try to learn."

All of these imply so much that Stolas could be coming to the conclusion that he was one of the biggest issues in their relationship. Yes Blitz also hold fault, but thats a post for another day. I so truly believe Stolas could be so so interesting even if I personally think Helluva Boss should NOT be a romantic story, there’s still so much potential to it. I’ve mentioned before that I was in a very very similar relationship to whatever “Stolitz” is, and while I both hate my ex and how she treated me, it was not a one sided issue. Yeah she was abusive but also I can’t just say I wasn’t a bit rude at times. Getting off topic though, what I’m trying to say is even if one person is the main issue and you hate them, in certain circumstances you can still have part of your mind that wishes the best for them. I think my main point is that for people like my ex who have mental problems that get in the way of relationships and can result in abusive behaviours, I want the chance for them to see themselves in a character that has done the same things, recognized it, forgiven themselves, and made an attempt to be a better person.

I myself have been in many relationships where my mental problems got in the way and ended up separating me from people I care about in one way or another and I know how dogshit it feels when it happens, especially when you are the problem. Many people don’t like acknowledging that they may be the problem and then when they eventually do realise it, they struggle on trying to fix the issue.

This spans to the people you surround yourselves with as well. Just for example in “All 2 U” Stolas is not the first person to call Blitz a “motherfucker” he explicitly goes to “I don’t think you meant to hurt me” meanwhile Verosika and Tex push the implication that Blitz is the problem and during the rest if the song, as stated before, we see Stolas point out “maybe I was the problem” to which Verosika and Tex immediately but in with blaming Blitz instead. And honestly they have reason to (at least Verosika does and Tex is going by word of mouth I assume) but it plays into the idea that a bad person or abuser cant also be abused.

You can see every time Stolas considers something isn’t Blitz’s fault Verosika and Tex are so quick to step in and tell him he’s wrong. He’s just surrounded by yes people right now and i really believe thats something that could be used in the narrative. Stolas getting away from these people to take in reality and then finally be like “no it was me i was right about it”. And idk it could even lead into more Verosika development where she acknowledges that Blitz has now seen how shitty one-sided and abusive relationships can be and they talk more instead of just like 3 minutes on the stairs. This is a topic I touch on with my Vox rewrite but thats in a different way. I just think with so much buildup to Stolas realising he was a huge issue they could do so much helpful representation in certain ways for people with problems like BPD, bipolar, ROCD, and a bunch of other things. I suffer from the last two and I hardly EVER see these portrayed respectfully or how they actually affect people. It’s always just “im happy and then in 2 seconds im going to be mildly upset :(“ or “omgg I love cleaning!!” with OCD. It’s just so infuriating to see Vivzie not touch on so much potential again.

Also “stolitz” should not get back together even if Stolas became a better person, just to clarify.

[lettersfromaphrodite]

[8.58]

― pairing : Chris x fem! reader ― content warnings : a tiny bit of angst, smut, fluff, vampire au, medieval settings, Chris is a vampire, soulmates au, mentions of blood, unprotected sex, fantasy au ― word count : 6.432

― notes : this fic looks familiar?it is! I’m reposting ALL my works on this brand new blog and therefore please, bear with me! as always, askbox is always open and feedbacks are always welcome 💌

🧛‍♂️ VAMPIRE! STRAY KIDS SERIES

Chris // Changbin // Jisung // Hyunjin // Seungmin // Minho // Felix

«I dare you to,» your friend pondered, before mumbling suggestively, «spend a night all alone at the haunted Manor.»

«What?!» you shrieked in disbelief as a chill ran down your spine at the mere mention of said house. The Forest Manor was a house surrounded in mystery; it didn’t look decadent, so it definitely had owners who looked after it, the gothic architecture gave it a mysterious and almost inaccessible aura and on top of this, the cases where people - blinded by courage, tried to enter the huge mansion were definitely not rare.

However, no one of them ever returned and so, through the years, numerous legends had been told: the most popular being about dangerous and thirsty vampires living in Forest Manor.

«You can refuse, if you want,» another one of your friends smirked mischievously, «but you will be called “coward” for the rest of your life.» they laughed, and your blood boiled.

If this was going to be your punishment for saying you believed in the existence of supernatural being, then you were going to accept it; screw your friends and their obnoxious and close mindset.

«Okay.» you simply said, clenching your fists together, trying to avoid acknowledging the fact that honestly, you were scared.

With your hands tightly gripping your skirt as your life depended on it, you walked through the most external part of the forest, ignoring the faint and frequent howls you heard not too distant from where you were, inevitably giving you chills.

“Why can’t I shut up,” you thought, trying to keep your breath even; walking alone in the dark through the forest was a terrifying experience, especially because - probably due to your fear, you had the feeling you heard steps every now and then. “I’m going to die in here, I know it.” you were about to trip in your dress, which unconventionally got stuck into a bundle of tree roots, and as you exasperatedly sighed at your own clumsiness and kneeled to untangle it, you could have sworn you heard someone chuckle just next to you.

Needless to say, you couldn’t see anything in the dark, and you finally regretted not to have brought a torch with you; it would have made you an easy target, but at least you could have been able to see something instead of letting your imagination run wild.

Probably, you spent hours wandering in the forest following the almost forgotten path that connected your village to the haunted Manor, but when you got there, no legend nor rumour could have prepared you for its singular beauty.

Rather than being centuries old, it seemed like it was merely a couple of years old, and you wondered whether you had walked on the wrong path; you carefully stepped out of the forest, and the threatening and dangerous aura made you froze in your tracks for a moment, almost making you feel like you were suffocating. You tensed up, feeling observed once again, your eyes rapidly scanning the iron gate and the stone wall running all around the house.

The Manor looked much bigger than you initially thought, and you wondered how many people could live in it; it was definitely too big for only one person. There was no sign of life inside; the lights were off, and the only source of light - beside the two small torches next to the iron gate, was the faint moonlight.

“I wonder, am I allowed to step closer?” you thought, and immediately, the threatening aura from the house seemed to vanish in thin air as soon as you took another step closer to the gate; you furrowed your brows, confused at what just happened. The feeling of being watched remained, but the tension and fear that you were feeling now were completely coming from your own soul; the Manor was now emitting an almost welcoming aura.

It was when you were about to touch the Manor’s gate that you stopped; what if someone really lived there? You could not trespass someone’s property like that, it wouldn’t be polite burst into someone’s house just because of a stupid bet.

With a sigh, you held your hand in mid-air, gradually retreating it until it was clutched against your chest once again; you made up your mind, you’d just climb on a tree and sleep there to be safe from the wolves, only to return in the morning and lie to your friends.

«Aw, leaving so soon?» someone near you chuckled, and you jolted your head towards your left in fear, not expecting for anyone to be there. A boy was looking at you with an amused smile and glimmering bright red eyes; he was sitting on the top of the stone wall, it being not too tall meant that the stranger was definitely a little bit too close to you.

«I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to disturb you.» you politely bowed your head, nervousness momentarily paralyzing your body, and the stranger hummed, crossing his legs and partially balancing his weight on his left hand, so that he was leaning towards you.

«Someone dared you to come here, am I right?» he said, his head tilted on his side and his hair delicately falling on his face; from his annoyed - yet somehow amused, tone of voice, he was clearly used to this. A rush of embarrassment washed over you, realizing that you shouldn’t have accepted the bet in the first place.

«I’m sorry, I will be going.» you hastily said, turning around and starting to take your leave.

«The worst thing I could do is send a young lady back home in the middle of the night - while the wolves are on a hunt.» his voice made you stop in your tracks and you curiously looked at him. «And the house seemed to have accepted your presence already.» the stranger said while quickly glancing behind his shoulders; you furrowed your brows, before jolting forwards as you saw the boy purposely letting himself fall behind the wall.

Strangely enough, you didn’t hear any sound, meaning that the boy didn’t fall and hurt himself; in less than a second, he was standing in front of the now slightly opened gate with an unbothered expression and his clothes neatly in perfect order, utterly confusing you.

«Would you like to come in?» he offered you his gloved hand, and you were sure that as soon as your gaze locked with his from up close, your heart skipped a beat.

The boy - which introduced himself as Chris, was exceptionally handsome to the point that he almost looked inhuman; his pale complexion made him look ethereal, and his natural plump and rosy lips made him look like he just walked out one of the fairy-tale books you used to read when you were younger.

His eyes, however, were a bright crimson red, and the more you looked at him, the more you felt hypnotized with a weird feeling of recalling those warm, big eyes; it was definitely almost if-

«Have we already met before?» you mumbled more to yourself, but Chris heard you nonetheless; his eyes widened for a moment, before his expression turned incredibly soft for a few seconds.

«I’m afraid not,» he shook his head; you nodded at him, feeling silly because, if you ever met someone as handsome, you would have remembered for sure, «at least, not in this lifetime.» you thought you heard Chris mumble, but something in his sudden nostalgic expression made you refrain from asking further.

A sudden close howl interrupted the silence of the night, startling you and making you instinctively take a step towards Chris as if you were unconsciously looking for protection; you gently placed your hand in his and he smiled, leading you inside.

If you believed that the Manor looked huge from the outside, you were in for a big surprise; Chris led you through so many countless halls that at some point, you believed that the house was under a spell making it appear smaller on the outside.

Despite the fact that it was your first night visiting the Manor, you couldn’t help but feel a wave of nostalgic familiarity as you passed through a certain hall, which Chris simply skipped instead of leading you in it.

«Where does it lead?» you politely asked him, your gaze locking with a dark mahogany door.

«My personal chambers.» Chris simply explained, before starting to walk away; you nodded, not wanting to result too nosy since you were allowed to spend the night in a safe place instead of the woods.

However, the fact that Chris purposely avoided taking you there made you furrow your brows as a countless questions formed into your head; there were other people living with him, but he didn’t skip the hallways leading to their chambers, so why did he purposely avoid his?

«Don’t think too much about it,» Chris chuckled from next to you, successfully interrupting your thoughts, «maybe, one day, I’ll let you in.» you immediately adverted his gaze from his, suddenly finding his suggestion not so chaste and innocent, anymore.

Chris eventually led you to his study room, where he used to spend his time reading and researching about the most various things and so, that’s how you spent most of your night: sitting on two expensive armchairs next to each other while talking.

Something you couldn’t wrap your head on was the fact that Chris seemed so familiar, to you: the way he talked, the way he would gently lead you anywhere you wanted him to without ever letting go of your hand, the way he looked at you.

It was almost as if you knew him, but Chris had already said you never met before that night, so you decided that you probably should have stopped thinking about it.

Another thing that made you feel strange was the fact that you were indeed staying in a Manor supposedly inhabited by vampires, but you didn’t feel anything besides tranquillity and occasional nervousness, but the latter was completely because of Chris’ presence. From the moment he told you that you would have been safe, you believed him, and never doubted it ever again for the rest of the night.

The door of Chris’ studio opened without notice, slightly startling you, and a tall boy with blonde hair reaching his shoulders suddenly bursted in, looking distressed and definitely on a hurry; his eyes were a bright crimson red as well.

«Chris,» the boy said, apparently, he still didn’t took notice about the fact that you were in the room as well, «where are the necromancers? I have an issue afoot.»

«Hyunjin.» Chris simply answered, his stern tone completely different from the one he had been using with you; your eyes were still locked on Hyunjin, which immediately looked at you with wide eyes before his features eventually illuminated in a nice, friendly smile.

«Oh! You’re finally back!» he said, waving a hand towards you, which weakly waved at him as well, even if you were confused at his words.

«I’ll go ask Han, I bet he knows.» and with that, he left with the same hurry he invaded your small comfortable bubble.

Finally glancing at Chris, you couldn’t help but giggle about the fact that he was staring at the now closed door with an exasperated expression while he kept rubbing his temples.

«So, do necromancers exist as well?» you asked him, momentarily forgetting about the fact that Hyunjin just acted like you knew each other.

«As well?» Chris looked back at you, with a confused frown, and for an unknown reason, you decided to confess; after all, you were not the first one visiting the Forest Manor because of a bet, right?

«I said that I believed that supernatural beings exist,» you admitted, your gaze drifting to the numerous shelves filled with books adorning the walls, «my friends dared me to spend the night here, since rumours say it’s inherited by vampires.»

«And you believe in it?» Chris asked you with a gentle tone; you knew that, differently from your friends, he didn’t ask about it with the intention to judge you for your beliefs, and you also knew that common human people didn’t normally have bright red eyes. You shrugged, and Chris accepted your silent vague answer; despite the fact that he had so many things to tell you, he knew that it was still too early for that.

Eventually, somewhere during your talk, you drifted off to sleep, the vague feeling of a warm blanket being draped over you making you wake up for a second; you thought that your mind also registered the fact that Chris kissed the top of your head, but you weren’t sure.

«You’re alive?!» was the first thing you heard from your friends as soon as they saw you walk back into the village completely unharmed; you scoffed at them, before they started asking you a countless numbers of questions.

Of course, you didn’t say anything about Chris or your night, but simply said that a family lived there and gladly hosted you from the night.  

Since the first night you’ve been at the Forest Manor, your visits became pretty much frequent; if at first you went there during the night, you eventually ended up visiting during various times of the day. Needless to say, you did it in order to see Chris, which was absolutely happy anytime he saw you walking out the forest and towards the Manor.

Two months later, you were absolutely sure that you developed a crush for Chris; he was gentle, caring, mature, funny. Chris was definitely everything you were looking for in a man, and definitely no one in your village had ever made your heart race as he could. Sometimes, you had the feelings that your crush was reciprocated, but Chris kept acting neutral about it, still leading you around the Manor while politely holding your hand and, sometimes, not leaving it as soon as you reached your destination.

By now, you’ve met every one of the boys living with him, and the fact that every single one of them acted like Hyunjin when he first saw you, confused you to no end.

However, they never explained what they meant with their «We’ve missed you!» or «Chris is finally in a good mood now that you’re back.», and eventually, you dropped the topic.

Even if you wanted to know, you knew it was better not to be too insistent about it; despite the fact that they never confirmed it, you were almost completely sure that they were vampires, and even if they somehow considered you a friend, you knew better than to get on their nerves.

Strong arms partially held you up and you were instantly pulled towards a boy’s chest, which was holding you like you were made of crystal about to shatter in million pieces; you felt so weak that you couldn’t hold your head up, and the sound of the boy’s choked pleads interrupted by loud sobs made your heart clench in sorrow.

You knew you were dreaming, but even so, you couldn’t move as you pleased, you couldn’t do anything; it almost felt like you were remembering something from someone else’s life.

«Please,» the boy spoke, his voice sounding dangerously like Chris’, «I can’t lose you again.» even if you felt weaker each passing second, the only thing you wanted to do was to reach out and comfort the boy, which continued to cry while holding you up.

Eventually, he re-arranged your position, holding your head up in the crook of his neck as he held your body close like it was the last time. The feeling of his cold and gentle hands sliding from your cheek to your hair were the only thing you could feel, since the “you” in your dream still had her eyes closed.

«I’ll come back,» you heard yourself say, «I always do.» you felt hurt at your own words, knowing that any kind of pain the boy was going through, he didn’t deserve it; finally, you opened your eyes, looking up to see Chris’ shaking frame, his tears falling on your face as he repeatedly shook his head.

The crimson gentle eyes you were used to see were now wide and filled with desperation, and out the corner of your eye, you saw yourself weakly trying to lift your hand in order to wipe away his tears; however, you were too weak, and your hand fell back on your lap without managing to touch Chris’ ethereal features.

«Don’t go, not again.» he pleaded, «Not this time, not again.» he kept repeating, and as if you felt the “you” in your dream slowly dying, you felt yourself waking up in your own reality.

To say that you spent the whole day feeling distressed was an understatement; no matter what you did, you kept having strange glimpses of memories involving Chris that were definitely not yours. Or, were they?

Slowly, you spent your day re-arranging together the pieces you got: Chris seemed incredibly familiar and he acted as if he had known you for a while, his friends talked to you as if they had been waiting for you, you were the only human that was allowed to visit the Manor anytime she wanted, and now, you kept having random flashbacks about Chris. You were sure you were about to have a headache from thinking so hard, but you needed answers.

Contrarily to the other times you went to see Chris, this time you didn’t pay attention to your dress; you acted on instinct, your feet leading you towards the Manor, where you eventually found Chris sitting on top of the stone wall, exactly like the first night you met.

As soon as your eyes met, you were certain about your theory: Chris was your soulmate.

«How many times did you have to go through that?» you asked weakly, standing few steps away from him; Chris furrowed your brows in confusion, before his eyes eventually widened; in a blink of an eye, he was in front of you, his gloved hand ghosting over the outline of your jaw.

«I’m pretty old, by now I think I’ve lost count.» he admitted with a smile, and you felt your heart clench at his words; you felt angry at yourself – actually at your past selves, for being so selfish.

«I’m so sorry,» you mumbled weakly, before throwing yourself into Chris’ strong arms, the sensation foreign but yet so familiar; his arms circled your helpless frame, pulling your body close to his, «I’ve always been selfish, I’m sorry.» you were crying, your tears falling on Chris’ expensive shirt and your shoulders shaking.

«I always let you choose, and I always will.» he gently confessed, caressing your back and trying to help you calm down, «If you were to choose your human life again, I’ll wait for you and find you again.» despite the fact that in this life, you’ve known Chris for a little less than three months, you’ve never felt so loved.

That night, was the first time Chris let you into his bedroom, and you understood the reason why he never let you in the same moment he closed the door behind you; a wave of memories washed over you, consecutive fragments of moments spent with Chris. You felt your knees go weak, you were sure you would have fallen due to the intensity of it all, if it weren’t for Chris wrapping his arms around your waist.  

Chris was sitting on the bed now, his back resting against few pillow pressed against the headboard; you were sitting next to him but partially sideways, so that you could constantly look at him, your legs were thrown over his lap.

During all the time you spent at the Manor, both you and Chris kept a reasonable distance between the two of you, but since you somehow regained your memories, you wanted to keep him as close as possible. For the first time since you met, Chris had took off his leather gloves, his touch was as cold as ice and left shivers along your skin.

«I missed it.» he murmured, his eyes focused on the trail of goosebumps on your arms erupting anytime he ran his fingertips on your skin.

That night, Chris confessed everything to you; he was a vampire, and – confirming your theory, the two of you were soulmates. Somehow, he always managed to find you and every time, you always managed to fall in love with him; however, in the end, you’d always choose your human life, trusting the fact that you’d meet again.

Hesitantly, Chris answered to your question about the longest time he had to wait for you, saying that he was about to go crazy.

«Two hundred years are pretty long, I thought you wouldn’t reincarnate anymore, that I had lost you for good,» Chris’ gaze was unfocused, before he eventually erupted into a smile, «but then you walked out of the woods because of a bet.» you held his hands in a tight grip, aware that you couldn’t even imagine how much he had suffered because of your selfishness.

«You don’t deserve a soulmate like me.» you confessed, but he shook his head.

«What kind of soulmate would I be if I choose for you?» somewhere, deep in your soul, Chris’ words made you realize that maybe, this time you weren’t so afraid of living for eternity anymore.

«I’ve seen so many versions of you during the centuries,» he chuckled, distracting you from your thoughts, «It was like… seeing your adolescence’s stages.» you covered your face in embarrassment, asking him which one was the worst. «Oh, the vampire hunter definitely gave me a hard time.» Chris admitted with a sigh, recalling the time he had to physically fight you in order to defend himself.

«Did I hurt you?» you immediately asked, scooping closer to his frame, eager to listen to the things that you did in your previous lives.

Chris simply shook his head, looking at you with malice, «You got your memories back just in time.»

«During a fight? And how could that happen?» you scoffed, not believing to Chris’ words until you took notice of the emotions his eyes held; with extremely slow movements, he lifted his hand to your chin, his eyes repeatedly shifting from your eyes to your lips as he started inching closer. Judging by his sudden smug smile, you were sure that Chris could hear your heartbeat hammering in your chest, and you inched closer as well, meeting his lips halfway.

As you felt Chris’ full lips on yours, your head started to spin; you definitely couldn’t imagine that a wave of such intense emotion would fall over you as soon as you kissed him.

To you, his lips tasted like home, the familiar sense of security and love that had irremediably made you fall in love with him all over again, life after life.

To Chris, your lips tasted like a bittersweet déjà-vu; he’s had countless of first kisses with you, and he inevitably fell in love with each single different reincarnation of you, but still, you always ended up slipping away from his grasp. 

Chris’ hand moved on your nape in a swift, gentle movement, tilting your head just to deepen the kiss, as if he could kiss his own desperation away; he knew how the story would have gone, but nonetheless, he loved you enough to wait for you for eternity, if he needed.

Weakly gripping on the collar of his shirt, you sighed into the kiss, pulling Chris even further into you; even if you didn’t want to mention it, you kept having small flashes about your past lives, and so you wanted to keep on kissing him, just to know more about what you could not remember.

A hiss escaped your mouth as Chris unintentionally grazed your inner lip with one of his fangs, and you parted from him, finally taking him his appearance: not only Chris’ eyes seemed to glow a deeper shade of red now that he smelled a little droplet of blood, but also, his lips were slightly parted and his fangs were exposed.

However, the thing that completely felt your heart sink in your stomach, was the fact that Chris had signs of dried tears on his cheeks. Instantly, you reached out to gently cup his face, not caring about the fact that you were bleeding and he could have killed you, and Chris simply tightly closed his eyes.

«I’m sorry,» he sighed, «I thought you wouldn’t come back.» you hugged him without thinking, your eyes blankly staring at the wall.

You didn’t see Chris for the next week, since you were forced to stay in bed due to a sudden high fever. Strangely enough, anytime you slept, your dreams were composed by a strange mixture composed of memories about your past lives and memories about your present life, to the point where you couldn’t tell what was the truth and what was caused by your fever.

Forced to stay at home, you definitely had enough time to think about what were your intentions, and day after day, you managed to realize what you really wanted to do and so, on a Thursday morning, despite your fever wasn’t completely gone, you quickly washed up and dressed yourself, heading towards the Forest Manor.

«Where is Chris?» you asked Seungmin, which eyes immediately widened over the book he was busy reading.

«Uh,» he said, his gaze nervously shifting towards Minho, sitting next to him on the leather couch.

«There’s a new restaurant in town,» Minho said, covering up for Seungmin’s lack of explanation, «He and the others went there.» With a scoff, you put your hands on your hips, rage and jealousy bubbling up inside you.

«I came here with a fever telling him I was ready to stay and he goes around feeding on other girls?»

«Girls?» Seungmin questioned, furrowing his brows.

«You’re staying?!» Minho exclaimed at the same time, excitement evident in his voice; you plopped yourself on the leather chair in front of the two vampires, which were looking at you with two different emotions plastered on his face.

«I made up my mind.» you told Minho, which eagerly nodded, whispering a soft «I’m happy, then.»

«Isn’t he feeding from… the ones who works… you know…» you tried to be as eloquent as you could with a simple hand gesture. Of course, you were thinking about the worst option: brothels.

Deep inside, you knew that Chris would never do this to you, but in that very moment, your fever suggested you that it was the most plausible excuse. Seungmin eventually interrupted your thoughts with his contagious laugh, and Minho snorted.

«I can promise you he’s not. He’s the shame of our family,» he said, shaking his head, «He feeds from animals.»

«Oh!» you replied immediately, your cheeks heating up in embarrassment. «Of course, animals have blood as well… I'm… an idiot.» you muttered to yourself, but they heard you nonetheless, and did their best to chuckle without sounding too disrespectful. Despite that, you decided to wait for his return.

«Oi, we’re home-oh, hi!» Chris said, entering the living room, and your eyes locked with his lips, still faintly tainted red.

«Yeah, we’re going out.» both Minho and Seungmin said, walking towards the other boys now standing behind Chris. Hyunjin and Changbin looked at each other with furrowed brows, while Han and Jeongin were already on their way to come and sit next to you, happy about your presence in the Manor, claiming that everything was more enjoyable anytime you were around.

«But we just came back?» Felix questioned, and Minho quickly grabbed his forearm, not bothering to repeat himself.  

«You’re gonna be alone until tomorrow night.» Seungmin winked at you, before patting Chris’ on his shoulder and exiting the room along with the others.

Despite the awkwardness of the situation, you couldn’t bring yourself to meet Chris’ gaze, nor to bring up your decision.

The awkward nervousness you felt, eventually, completely disappeared as you and Chris changed for the night and laid together on his bed.

It wasn’t the first time you spent at the Manor, but now that you made up your mind, it definitely felt way more intimate. Chris was sitting on the bed, balancing himself with his left hand lazily spread out behind him, while his right hand was draped around your waist, pulling your chest flush to his; you were straddling him, the thin fabric of your night dress not leaving much to the imagination, its fabric pooled around your thighs and your arms gently cupping Chris’ cheeks.

«I need you, I-» Chris mumbled against your throat; despite his skin was cold, his kisses made you feel like you were burning up. His voice was extremely hoarse, and you deduced it was from his hunger. «I need your blood,» he said, his hand tightly gripping your waist with a strained whine, «I need you.» his voice was low, and his arms were holding your body impossibly close to his.

Despite the fact that you were sitting on top of Chris and he was occasionally glancing at you with eyes full of desire, you didn’t have the slightest trace of control over the situation.

With a breathless whimper, Chris’ hand slid inside your nightgown, tightly gripping on your thigh as you completely sat on his lap in a silent answer; now that you were completely pressed against his body, you could feel that he was already hard. You knew Chris loved you, you knew Chris desired you, but still, knowing that only you could reduce him in that state made you feel incredibly powerful; knotting your hand in his hair, you connected your lips at the same time you hesitantly grinded on him, swallowing with your mouth the surprised moan that escaped your lover’s lips.

Chris eagerly returned the kiss with fervour, and it quickly turned into a passionate make out session, your body shaking lightly anytime you felt Chris’ fangs graze on your skin.

«I want to be yours, Chris,» you murmured against his lips, as he effortlessly rolled you on the bed, so that he was on top of you.

«You already are,» he murmured back, tilting his head just enough to deepen your steamy kiss, his tongue making you momentarily forget about what you wanted to say.

«No, yours… yours.» you whimpered, unsure whether what you were saying had any sense, but, in the moment you felt Chris’ knee spreading your thighs and his full lips closing on your lower lip just to pull on it as his head drew back, you swore you were about to lose all the traces of sanity you had.

The thing was: earlier, you didn’t have enough courage to confess him that you wanted him to turn you, but somehow, the feeling of Chris’ erection pressed against your inner thigh made you think that it was definitely the best moment in the world to ask your boyfriend - which happened to be a vampire, to turn you into one as well.

It was like you could hear the imaginary gears inside Chris’ head spinning as he gradually slowed down the pace of his kisses. What were movements purely driven by lust were now once again gentle, unsure and tender movements.

«What are you asking about, exactly?» Chris asked, kiss lips in moving on the side of your  neck; you took a big sigh, circling his waist with your arms.

«I want to stay with you,» you confessed, unsure on which words you should use, «for eternity.»

Chris’ body tensed up, and he slowly pulled away from you in order to sit back up, balancing himself on his ankles, he run a hand through his already messy hair, before eventually caressing your thighs in a loving manner.

«Are you sure about what you’re asking?» Chris mumbled, his red crimson eyes burning into yours, and immediately you nodded, sitting up as well.

«I spent a lot of time thinking about it. I’ve been selfish, and yet, you still waited for me.» you explained, holding his gaze, «I don’t want you to suffer again, and I don’t want to be parted from you again.» Chris attentively listened to you, before eventually, his serious expression turned into a soft one, a gentle smile adorning his full lips.

«If that’s what you want,» Chris gently pushed on your shoulder, not enough to hurt but enough to make you fall back on the mattress, «Enjoy your last night as a human.» he gave you a sly smile, before ripping the fabric of your nightdress.

«What a show off.» your laugh was cut off by a surprised moan, as Chris’ lips closed around your nipple.

Chris spent the night worshipping your body; he made sure to kiss almost every millimetre on your skin, mumbling praises and confessions of love every now and then. You didn’t know how much time he spent with his head between your legs, but you were certain about the fact that you already came twice and your legs were shaking.

The feeling of his fingers and tongue working together to lead you towards another orgasm made you squirm both in anticipation and both in a slight different need. As much as you loved the feeling of Chris’ tongue repeatedly teasing your wetness, you kept growing impatient with the desire of feeling him buried inside you.  Chris’ lips harshly sucked on your clit as his fingers curled inside you, and another orgasm washed over you unexpectedly, your legs tensing up before weakly falling back on the bed.

«Can you come again?» Chris husky voice mumbled, kissing your now sweaty body all the way back to your lips; completely aware about the fact that you probably created a small pool of wetness under your lower half, you nodded, running your thumb over Chris’ plump lips and smearing the remaining proofs about the fact that you came not one, not two, but three times thanks to his tongue.

With a smile, Chris tilted his head enough to suck your thumb into his mouth, his tongue swirling around the digit as he aligned himself with your entrance before bottoming out with a single thrust. Chris head fell in the crook of your shoulder, and you were thankful your thumb wasn’t in his mouth anymore because you felt his jaw clench at the point it sounded almost painful.

«I missed you so much,» you heard him murmur on your skin, and you gently caressed his hair, kissing his temple as a doubt made its way in your head.

«Did you ever-»

«Don’t even think about finishing that sentence,» Chris cut your words, lifting his head up just enough to look at you in the eyes, «I could never lay with anyone else,» he mumbled, shaking his head, «I would never.»

Even if you already knew the answer to your silent doubt, hearing those words from him made you feel incredibly better, and incredibly loved. Chris had started moving his hips in a slow pace by now, clearly holding back and being too concerned trying not to hurt you by being too rough.

«Show me how much you missed me, then.» you said, lifting your hips to change the angle of his thrusts just to make him reach a little deeper than before, action which earned you a choked whimper from Chris.

«Good luck.» Chris scoffed, his crimson eyes burning into yours as he was re-adjusting his position; from the moment he started moving again, you completely lost the ability to think due to how good you were feeling.

The fact that vampires were faster than human beings definitely came in hand; Chris’ movements were passionate, his fingers were alternating between stimulating your clit and your breasts, and his lips continuously made sure to leave an intricate pattern of kisses along the expanse of skin within his reach.

Needless to say, you quickly approached your orgasm, and as Chris felt you clench around him and gradually tensing up, he slowed his pace, but kept stimulating your clit with his fingers, just to bite on the side of your neck as you finally came with a loud moan.

The sensation of an orgasm was per se intense, but the bite of a vampire, somehow, prolonged the sensation as long as they fed from you; you were gripping Chris’ back, your nails sinking into his skin and drawing deep red lines, before eventually, you lost consciousness because your neck was burning.

The first thing you noticed when you woke up, was Chris sitting on the bed next to you, quietly reading a book; you groaned, rolling on your side.

Despite your throat was burning as if you’ve never drank anything in your life, you also felt like your senses were heightened; you could hear what the boys were talking about from different part of the house, the sensation unusual but definitely something you could get used to.

With a quick movement, you swatted the book away from Chris’ hand, not caring about it flying on the floor, and placed your head on his thighs.

«Good morning, sunshine.» Chris chuckled at the fact that the first thing you did as soon as you woke up as a vampire, was cuddling on his side; his hand brushed your hair, and you hummed.

«Thirsty,» you croaked, ignoring the stinging sensation you felt in your lungs. Minho walked in the room few moments later, since he clearly heard what you said; he stopped on the doorway, holding to large glasses filled with blood in his hands.

«Oh my God,» he sighed, «You look dead.»

«Yeah?» you retorted, quickly sitting up in anticipation of finally drinking something, «Go look yourself in the mirror.»

«I fucking hate you.» Minho laughed, incredulous, and you could hear the others – which were curious about when you would wake up but they didn’t want to disturb you too much, laughing as well.

The moment when Chris held you tight to his body without having to measure his strength in fear to hurt you, you knew you made the right choice.

«I’m sorry it took me so much.» you confessed, eager to learn everything about your new life and eager about spending it with Chris.

«It was worth it.» you heard him whisper, followed by a content, soft sigh.

all works © lettersfromaphrodite

Do not modify, repost, translate or plagiarize my stories. I only publish my works on tumblr & AO3.

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[wantonrowls]

Stray Kids drabbles: When their S/O is a tough cookie

Bang Chan

It was one of the corporate meetings to meet the artists and new management. Right then and there when he saw you strutting with your head held high, Bang Chan was smitten, visibly taken-aback by your presence. He can't help but lick his bottom lip from time to time, grasping his palms onto his cotton trousers, a habit of his when he's clearly put into a flustering situation. A couple minutes later when he had the chance to get to talk to you alone about the upcoming comeback of his group he mustered up every nerve he had to intimidate you. So yeah, there you were shifting on the pages of the minutes sheet that your secretary gave you earlier all the while waiting for him to talk, he leans closer almost covering you with his build which in fact is massive and spectacular, breath almost tickling the shell of your ear but hey, you're not quivering.

"Uhm about the comeback, I think we should make this song..." he points at the scribbled list of tracks, allowing his musky scent to linger your face "the main song, yeah?" he continues.

"I don't know. You should've cited that a while ago, when the board was here"

"Aren't you the head of the board?"

"I am, yes. But that doesn't change the fact that we all had to agree on that before changing the whole set of track list"

"Oh, what should I do to persuade you hmm?" He smirks at your face. Alright he looks handsome when he does that.

From then on he kept on bugging you and when I said bugging it meant that he pampers you with gifts, which of course at first is like an insult.

"I don't wear necklaces"

"I'm allergic to tulips"

"I don't like sweets"

Bang Chan was challenged. Hey, he's a leader and with his alpha-like mindset he doesn't back down easily even if every single time you turn him down or shoo him off of your office. That was the case until you finally melted down your facade, leaning in and showing him your vulnerable side when that one time you encountered a problem during a meeting and he was there to defend you. That's when you realised that he wasn't acting up to challenge you or intimidate you but to simply adore you.

When you finally gave him the appropriate opportunity to date you he was more than glad to treat you like a queen, not quivering with every piercing gaze you throw his way instead returning back with a lovely gaze, you swore his eyes looked like two hearts.

What Bang Chan treats you in public is equal to what he treats you in bed. He's almost content to do anything that pleases you as long as it's you. If you request to ride him or his face he'll gladly do so for however long you wish.

He's aware of your tough personality which makes him an accomplished man by dating you so when people compliment him or just simply ask him how did he do that he's just gonna say he's still figuring you out because he's still on his toes most of the time.

Lee Know

Everyone knew that Lee Know also has an intimidating aura. Putting you and him in the same room with you fixing some mistakes in his choreo is a huge mess, or so they think.

They know his pride is as big as the mountains and they know your ego is just as big so neither one of you are backing down. It took Hyunjin or Felix to tap him on the shoulder to allow you to fix some errors which are clearly there, just that Lee Know doesn't want to acknowledge.

"We just had to change this step to polish it" Felix comments

"Yeah let her do her job" Hyunjin follows

"Am I not doing my job?" Lee Know asks with a brow raised

"Not if you're ignoring my comments about this choreo" You spat back. He sighs, allowing you to step in and do the rest of your task. You saw him smirking back at you onto the mirror whenever your eyes landed onto his, You just shrugged it thinking he's just not convinced or whatever. He finally corners you at the lockers while you're picking up your towel he pushes you by a side of your shoulder

"Hey Ms. perfect"

"Hey Lee Know"

"What brings you here at the entrance of the shower room"

"I forgot to tell you something" He leans in, lips just inches away from the corner of your lips "You did amazing on the choreo. I was just messing around with you" he breathed "Now I'm gonna start to do that everytime" he continues, smirking at you and staring you down.

Messing around did he, faking a wrong step, waiting for you to scold him and teach him alone in the middle of the night, pushing his luck at you every single time. To no avail you don't try to push him off and instead don't pay much attention to it and do your job it's just that it's extra hard when he clearly doesn't wanna let you be alone 24/7 when you're around.

"If you hate me that much just say so"

"You know I can't just do that, you're too much"

"In love with you, yes"

Every annoying thing he did was just a front to show you his goofy side so when he knew that the manager scolded you for something that you clearly had no hold to he had to step in and voice out on your behalf. Who dares to badmouth his lifeline? the audacity right? Just his gaze alone made the manager quiver, quickly apologizing to him and to you. You've shown him your vulnerable side, there's no backing down to that. He'll act as if he's much more offended than you even though he has no connection whatsoever.

So, with no hesitancy he's much more than glad that you leaned in on him. Allowing him to court and eventually date you.

What Lee Know acts like when someone's around is an opposite when you two are alone. If in public you fluster him infront of the members or you're intimidating him with a cold hard stare then in bed he's like a different Lee Know. He'll push you onto the bed and manhandle you like he knows it's his place to do so while still absolutely taking much extra care of you both pleasure and care-wise.

Seo Changbin

As buff as he is, Changbin won't hesitate to shoot his shot at your way, throwing a wink everytime he sees you. Of course it was absurd, you're the head stylist and he's an artist, nothing is more clearer than the fact that he must be doing fan service and not straight up flirting at you.

Which you're wrong on a hundred percent, he's really flirting. He stated it when you were doing his measurements and purposely being last so he could ask if he could give you a gift

"No, I'm not allowed to accept gifts"

"But I already bought it"

"Changbin-"

"Throw it away if you don't like it" he pouts then leaves you with a box, when you opened it, it was a key to the newly bought sportscar on the parking lot

"How the fuck am I supposed to throw this out?"

If you're not familiar with Changbin, you'll think oh he's kinda like Lee Know, he's intimidating and I could melt with just his presence alone. But hey, he's just a big buff baby WHO will literally throw finger hearts your way if no one's looking just for the sole purpose of annoying you. Even throwing a wink from time to time that one company dinner. Flabbergasted is an understatement, this clearly is just a whole ass man throwing himself at you like a starved puppy. He sees you as a woman who takes pride with her work so when the unknown negative comments about their concept photos emerged he was more than ready to speak up about it. He knows you prepared well and that you did your best so he won't hesitate to judge every single one of the snarky people like every person looks like JYP to him.

When you knew what he did, you finally broke down your walls, allowing him to see a new version of yourself only available for his to see. He's much more glad that you've given him the chance and that he would take it to his pride that he singlehandedly managed to date an intimidating woman.

He's the type to enjoy slow romances in bed so his main focus is your pleasure and your pleasure alone. He's super careful and makes sure that you're comfortable. He could also be rough from time to time.

Han Jisung

This guy will rizz you until you acknowledge his presence. He's the type to throw lame pickup lines or jokes to get any response from your end. Haha ha, must've been a wrong day or a wrong time or his underwear was of a wrong color because you're clearly not laughing at the yo mama joke he's blurted out at the studio. It's as if you wanna explode on your seat because you had been working with him on this single track and he doesn't wanna be serious

"Hey Jisung, it's 2 in the morning"

"Oh! time for breakfast, wanna go to Mcdonalds?"

"That means we already had five hours wasted because you kept on messing around"

"Nah, you're just hungry, babe. C'mon! my treat!"

"Quit messing up and fix the track yourself" You sighed, standing up and heading out of the studio. He's....intimidated with just the way you silently left without shouting at him or slamming the door back. He clearly doesn't wanna mess around it's just that it was the first time that he had a chance to be with you alone so he took the opportunity to be beyond annoying not knowing that it had been a whole day for you stressing out.

The next day when you came back at the studio he's already finished the track, smiling at you and showing you what he had done when you were taking a rest.

"I'm impressed. There's no need to fix in here, Jisung"

"Thanks! I was just inspired, and uhm... I'm sorry I made you stay up late last time"

"Nah it's alright"

"How about I treat you, yeah?"

MF will literally take it like he had to run dry his express card just so you could forgive him even though you're not mad at him.

"When you said you'll treat me to dinner, I never imagined to eat blue lobsters...I thought we had to go down just a block from the building to eat Mcdonalds"

"Mcdonalds are lame, you deserve blue lobsters"

"We could pay half and half"

"No"

"Uhm... I'm just returning the favor"

"How about a date then?"

You wanna say no but in the corner of your eye you see him in his big doe eyes...how can someone say no....

"Alright..."

He's flustered and walking on egg shells most of the time when working with you, not wanting to have another opportunity for you to leave frustrated BUT as I said, he'll rizz you with his antics. He'll ask for you at the studio with or without Changbin and Bangchan to a point they wanna disown him cause he kept on sitting beside you and call your name.

"Y/N how about we put this tune here?"

"Let's listen to it"

Jisung is the type to change the words of the song just so he can see you wided-eye and clueless. It's gonna come to a point where you're gonna be the one to back down and accept this romance he wanted to project.

Jisung in bed will mostly favor you because he wants to prioritize your wants and needs. He's just content to run his hands down every part of your skin.

(I'll add the next part tomorrow)

[mainepdf]

why pjo's portrayal of the greek gods is fucked up and how it's affected perceptions surrounding ancient Greece.

*breaks down the door to your inbox with an axe*

start talking now oh my god I want to hear your hot take so bad. I've been interested in religious studies (primarily the Hellenistic and early Roman religious atmosphere (of course acknowledging that the word religion is post-Enlightenment and conceives of supernatural belief as a subjective individual belief, which is inconsistent with how supernatural matters were dealt with in the Ancient world) and how they intersect with early Christianity and proto-Christianity) and I've been fascinated with the Greek gods and I need your hot take on why their portrayal is wrong and leads to incorrect assumptions about Ancient Greece.

oh you bet your bottom dollar i will talk about this. true to the post from which this originated, i will prep no material and all this is off the top of my head so don't quote me!

If you follow my Greek mythology sideblog, you'll know i am unequivocally a Zeus defender. Now I can make a million posts about Zeus alone but I will take a more holistic approach on the gods in general and the perception of Ancient Greece.

The West has been obsessed with Ancient Greece for centuries: the culture, philosophy, history, mythology, mathematical and scientific advancements, and much more. Now it's one thing to take interest in a country's history or a historical era; it is completely another to claim it as your own and make it an ideal state of life to achieve, because if you know literally anything about Ancient Greece, it was anything but. What I'm trying to say here is that Ancient Greek culture has been commodified, glorified, rewritten, and reclaimed by the West when it was never theirs to do so. I've often seen this sentiment expressed by Greeks about their homeland: "The history comes first, the people second." I think a prime modern example of this mindset was when same-sex marriage was legalised in Greece, which was a huge step forward for an Orthodox country with an extensive history of homophobia, but people outside of Greece began making jokes of Greece "returning to their own values" (referring to Ancient Greek practices of pederasty which is hugely problematic and not at all representative of any gay rights if you know what it entails) and people excited to "finally hold lesbian weddings in Lesbos" (signifying the West's perception of Greece as simply a tourist hotspot and not a country with an intricate history and culture). In short, Greece is already unfairly used for the West's agenda of glorification and attempts to build itself a culture that frankly isn't theirs at all.

Now, how does this involve pjo? A lot, my friends, a fucking lot. The publication and popularity of the Percy Jackson series has simply exacerbated all the aforementioned issues in this post. First off, the worldbuilding on which The Lightning Thief relied and the rest of the series ultimately holds is that "Olympus moves with the centre of Western power", which is just. Wow. There are a million things wrong with this concept that would need its own post, so I recommend this article called The Whitening Thief that essentially explains the white supremacy of it all. If you do not want to read the full article, the main premise is that the Percy Jackson series equates Westernism with civilisation and that without it there was "chaos and darkness", which as Paule describes it, is "sipping at a pretty racist cocktail".

note: I have realised how aggressively off-topic this is to the original statement I made, I'm getting there, I promise (although I did warn you it was something I could talk on for hours with little material)

Let's finally delve into the depiction of Greek gods in Percy Jackson. I'll actually start on a bit of a positive note that apart from the weird (for lack of a better term) comparisons of Hades to Adolf Hitler, the original Percy Jackson and the Olympians had some okay characterisation of the gods (I have some reservations about the goddesses on which I will elaborate later). They're prideful and neglectful parents (the myths actually contradict that latter part but I digress) but each with their own complexities and concerns. To use Zeus as an example because he's actually the god who falls short the most in terms of consistent characterisation in my opinion, he lets Percy live in TLT "for the sake of peace in [his] family", indicating a care and sense of duty for Olympus and for his fellow gods, and while he lets his pride and paranoia get the better of him at times, he is shown as a serious authority figure and someone who's trying to keep his realm together, and such characteristics wouldn't be too far off from his mythical counterpart.

But as the series progresses, either Rick got lazy or he attempted to further capitalise his work to make it more palpable, he turns the gods into caricatures by excessively inflating one characteristic they may have into their entire personalities. Returning to Zeus, his paranoia is amplified to an absurd extent that one can simply not fathom why the gods would be the better option than the Titans. As I said initially, he had bouts of paranoia that would be almost normal for someone with such a powerful position, but this is completely derailing any connection with his mythological counterpart, he may as well be an OC with the same name and title as him. To use other gods as an example because I promised a holistic approach and I have seemed to only talk about Zeus (sorry!), the writing of the goddesses Hera, Artemis, Aphrodite, and Athena is simply misogynistic. I'm sorry, there is no other way I can find myself to describe it. Typically feminine goddesses Hera and Aphrodite are extremely demonised and condemned for their flaky and vain attitude; Hera is the evil stepmother archetype and Aphrodite ultimately becomes weak and useless. The "virgin" (quotations referring to Athena) goddesses Artemis and Athena also don't seem to extend past superficial, unoriginal characteristics like being a vehement man-hater who kicked out two sapphics from the Hunt and a goddess who Rick stops at nothing to render her a horrible parent and person (using the Roman myth of Medusa, exaggerating her prideful nature, etc) respectively. And you cannot tell me they're not misogynistic portrayals because just a few minutes on pjo tiktok will show you just how many times Hera is referred to as a bitch (keep my wife's name out of your fucking mouth!!). Then there is TOA and COTG, which makes me want to cry just thinking about Zeus' portrayal there (yes we're going back there). The god who was consistently thought of as a gracious, protective saviour of the people in Ancient Greece (full list of epithets of Zeus, read at your leisure) is an abusive autocratic tyrant?

To go back onto the topic, how do Riordan's works affect the overall perception of Ancient Greece? Well, as I said before, it contributes to the white supremacist view of Ancient Greece as the epitome of civilisation and the glorification of the era, but it also turns Ancient Greece into a fandom to an extreme extent. Now, obviously, I'm not talking about people with a healthy obsession with Ancient Greek history and Mythology (myself included) who like to engage in content about it. I'm talking about people who claim Ancient Greece as an extension of Western, mostly American culture, and ultimately engage in a form of cultural appropriation that strips Greeks of their own history and narrative. This includes writing 'feminist' retellings of Greek myths, taking Riordan's (inaccurate) readings of the mythology as indisputable fact, and removing the myths from their historical and cultural context. People forget that much of these myths were stories written for entertainment and take them as a sort of Hellenic Bible (which delves into the Christianisation of Greek Mythology but that's a whole other post). In short, Westerners think they can do whatever the fuck they want with Greek mythology and Greek gods because they think it's theirs with which to play around, ultimately ignoring the country, history, and the culture from which they actually originate, and it's thanks to Rick Riordan that this attitude has blown up to an insane extent.

*sighs* Thank you for coming to my TedTalk and I seriously admire you if you made it this far.

[ladylooch]

I’m not Woody anon, but I already have a request to make 😂

How about a size kink with Miles? This man is super well built and huge 👀 the idea of being dominated by him seems so fun

Size Matters with Miles Wood

A/N: My Miles Wood babes.. this is for you. I’m so sad he is no longer on the Devils. I am actually very in love with this fic. Like my faces writing this was this: 😊 & 🥵 & 🥰

This man. And the way he throws punches… leaves many thoughts for imagination in a sexual situation. And I’m here to provide some of them. You can’t tell me that the way he chirps on the ice does not lead to dirty talk in the bedroom. I’m gonna stop talking now and just let you read my filth.

Also if Miles Wood said good girl to me that would be the end of my existence. Fuck.

Work Count: 1.8k

It’s another post-game on edge, awaiting for Miles to come out of the locker room. Tonight, I’m standing with his parents, Randy and Cheryl. Randy is joking around with Jim Hughes about Miles latest tumble with Brady Tkachuck. Everyone thought it was a great, heavy weight fight. I spent the entire time curled up in my seat, hands over my face, shoving my upper body into my thighs in terror. 

I hate when he fights.

But damn is he good at it.

He comes strolling out of the locker room unaffected, one hand holding a bottle of water and the other stuffed into his pants pocket. He greets his mom and dad first, then comes to wrap his arms around me. When I feel his large body against mine, I finally relax. I turn my forehead into his neck. He leans his head into mine in acknowledgment. He knows how awful I feel when he fights.

“You okay?” He whispers. I nod in return, stepping back so he can converse with his parents again. He keeps his big hand around my opposite hip, cuddling me into his side.

We previously agreed to go out for a late night happy hour after the game with his parents close to their hotel. I am antsy the whole time, needing to feel Miles’ hands on me the entire time. His parents are lost in a conversation between themselves for a moment. Miles turns to me, tilting his corners up into a muted smile. I lean forward, pressing our lips together. 

“I love you.” I murmur. “I’m thankful for another day of you getting off the ice healthy.”

“You worry too much.”

“You do this to me. You could not fight.”

“I could, but then who would I be? Not me.” I frown because it’s true. It’s been a part of his chaotic, electric game since he was a teenager. His dad tells stories about his fights from Boston College like he’s toned it down a bit since then, which is hard for me to believe. 

“Can’t have that.” I murmur, running my hands through his curls. I hold his neck in my hand for a moment. 

“So what do you two have planned for the rest of the night?” Cheryl asks.

“Sleep.” Miles chuckles, looking at his watch to see it’s already after 11pm.

“You’re getting soft in your old age.” Randy pokes at his son.

“No, I finally have something worth staying home for.” He kisses my hand, keeping it laced on his strong thigh for the remainder of the night.

When we get back to our apartment, it’s after midnight. Luckily the Devils don’t have practice tomorrow. Miles walks in behind me, tossing his keys the five feet to the kitchen counter and pushing me forward to our bedroom. 

“Babe.” I chuckle, bucking my butt back into his stiff lap.

“My parents took forever to say goodbye.” He groans, reaching down for the hem of my shirt and pulling it over my head. My hair cascades back down my back and shoulders, teasing my skin. He unclasps my bra, salivating as my breasts spring free into the air. His hands come up, rolling my nipple against his ruff palms, calloused from fighting. “Just wanted to feel you like this. They like you too much.”

“Yeah because they don’t know what I do to you when they’re not around.” I turn, nipping at his lips, gripping his tie to hold his mouth to mine.

I lap my tongue against him, then slide my fingers down the silk until I reach his belt. He gathers my hair in his strong hand, lips moist from his tongue. His toothless grins shines down at me as I use his cock as lipstick. His thumb comes to my lips, pressing my bottom jaw down so my mouth opens. My tongue comes out, licking along the ridge of his head. I use it as a guide, running it along the bottom of his cock until he fills my mouth. Miles watches, eyes volatile with waves of desire.

“Good girl.” He groans. My eyes close at the praise, inner walls collapsing around nothing.

I take him deeper, sucking my cheeks in around his large girth. He’s long and wide. I’m the luckiest girl in the world, but it always leaves a few moments of pause before we can really go. My mouth adjusts to him in a few more suckles. Miles, usually one to buck into my mouth, leaves the tempo completely to me. My hand settles at the base, giving him a tug up into my mouth. He moans, breathing increasing, hands clasping my hair tighter. I stroke him a few more times just like that, reveling in the sexy noises that fall from his mouth. He works on the buttons of his shirt along with this tie, letting them fall around us. I move off his dick, going down to suck one of his balls into my mouth, then the other.

“Up, baby.” He groans, pulling me off of him by the grip on my hair. A string of saliva follows me back. Miles bites his lip, eyebrows pulling low over his eyes. His fingers work on the closures of my tight jeans, helping me shimmy them down. I step out and he grips my waist, hoisting me up into his chest. “I’m taking you right there.” He says to me before putting his lips on mine.

I moan into his mouth, gripping his brown curls as he slides into my slick entrance. He pauses there, then pushes my hips down and back so I move farther down him.

“Oh.” I whine.

“Fuck.” He breathes out, nail beds white as he grips my ass to prevent going in further. It is so tight. We can both feel how my body resists at first from both the size and the position we are in. He tries to pull me down to him again, this time sliding all the way in. “Baby.” He moans against my mouth. “You’re so wet. Feels so good around my cock.”

“You are absolutely ruining me right now.” I whimper as he begins to move. The first few thrusts of discomfort pass and then it’s all out pleasure. “Holy fuck, babe.” I squirm against his grasp, wanting to help. He walks us over to the living room wall, leaning my back against it so he can rail into me harder. It’s so zealous, just like Miles. I grip onto his wide shoulders for support. He leans forward, bruising my lips with his. His thumbs squeeze into my hip bones, leaving red rashes underneath.

“Great job beautiful. Let’s go deeper.” I nod enthusiastically, then press my hips down into his to meet him thrust for thrust. He holds my weight up like it’s nothing to him, large palms engulfing my ass.

“Fuck, babe. I love your cock.” Miles grits his teeth, thrusting harder into me. 

“Yeah? This the only place you wanna be?”

“God, yes. Please don’t stop. P-please.” My voice begins to quiver as I get closer to coming. 

All thoughts cease and complete feeling takes over. My muscles relax, my head slumps back into the wall and Miles takes me completely. I’m like a doll, limbs bumping up against his back and butt with each thrust. My breathing goes last as tingles begin to spread out from my core. An orgasm unleashes with brisk relief inside of me. “Yes.” I am finally able to whisper into his ear. Miles hears my voice, coated with sexual release and he grunts, coming loudly buried inside of me.

There is no doubt that watching him fight is the worst. But when he fights, he makes it up to me here, just the two of us. He takes that same big, aggressive body and channels it into incredible sex. But what comes after this might actually be as wonderful. 

He pulls away, lips kissing soft presses along my warm skin, allowing my feet to touch the floor again. He works his mouth over all the marks he’s made on me. My throat, my collar bone, my hips. He turns me, lips ghosting along my butt. He then works his mouth up my spine, letting his tongue trail out in spots, eating me up. 

“Do you need a bath or shower?”

“No, I just want you in our bed.”

“Okay. Go. I’ll be there in a second.” He taps my butt lovingly.

I head down the hall, stopping in our bathroom to clean myself up for a moment. I also take out my contacts and scrub the make up off my face. Before I leave the bathroom, I grab the shirt Miles was wearing before he left for the game. It’s comfy and huge, enclosing me in the smell of his cologne and our laundry detergent. In our bedroom, Miles waits for me. He has the TV on, clicking through Netflix for The Great British Baking Show- our latest binge. 

I think of him pounding against Brady earlier tonight, then pounding me after, and what a contrast it is to the softness that is here now. It brings my lips up into a smile. I pad gradually over to the bed where Miles has already pulled the blankets back for me to slide in. He’s dressed himself in boxers again and has a pint of Mint Chip ice cream for us to share.

“Oh babe, they’re making tarts.” He exclaims excitedly. He tosses the remote back onto the nightstand, then settles back into the pillows with the ice cream. “Ready?” He opens his arm for me to snuggle into his chest. I curl into him, knees pressing into his hips as we sit up to eat. Miles scoops out a bite, turning the spoon for me to take. I open my mouth, licking the ice cream off the metal. He watches me, cheeks spreading wide at the way I tease him with my movements. “Fuck, I love you.” He leans forward, kissing my mouth with his plump lips.

“I love you more.”

“Nah.” He immediately disagrees, turning back to the show. I lean forward, taking his firm jaw between my teeth to nibble him. He looks back at me, biting my bottom lip in retaliation.

“Can I keep you forever?”

“Yeah, baby. Don’t look in the back of the closet.” He gives me another spoonful of ice cream, casually. “Something tells me you’ve already seen it though.” I purse my lips together guiltily as I chew. He knows I’m a snoop.

“Just the box. Big box tho.”

“Big ring.”

“Big man.” I wiggle my eyebrows at him. He chuckles.

“Lucky you.”

After tonight, yeah, I’d say so.

[utilitycaster]

1/2 I was thinking about the Creator Hammer its intended function, which feels way closer to Predathos than Ascension based on my understanding. Like TRQ erased the old god's name and face when she ascended, but there was still a role for her to fill. But Predathos (and the thing in Tengar if it's not just Predathos) more or less created a vacuum of divine domain until TRQ'S ascension. Even the old god didn't seem to absorb those domains? And we don't know what would happen without any gods left

2/2 And I feel like that distinction is kinda crucial - it's wild to see some people treat the hammer as 'just' killing the gods (which. already has huge implications) but actually getting rid of the domain entirely feels like a step even further, and if the gods didn't already have a right to freak out at the idea of being killed, I think this really cements a reason for them to be concerned, idk!!

----

Hey anon! So actually I've been wondering about some aspects of deity lore/cosmology and I hope we get more answers because, to be honest, I'm not sure what happens here.

It's implied that the nothingness that destroys Tengar is Predathos. We also know that Predathos does not seem to take memory and name when it destroys something; Aily and the other entities of light are still able to say Edun's name after he goes away, just as Ethedok and Vordo's names can still be said. This is in contrast to the Raven Queen, who in ascending did erase the prior god's symbol and name (and aspects from memory, though to varying degrees - Asmodeus does recall in EXU Calamity that he was a brother, but acknowledges the name is gone). I think her rites of ascension likely added that aspect, especially since we know her mortal name was forgotten and made impossible to read. Finally, we know new domains can be created as Vecna ascended without eliminating another god, and simply added himself.

So with that information I think the distinction the gods are making between Aeor and the Raven Queen isn't necessarily one of preservation of domains but rather intention. The Raven Queen was not trying to kill a god out of spite or fear or hate, but out of a sense of obligation towards the station. Which does translate to the preservation of domains in this case but I think the point is that Aeor seems to be killing for the sake of killing and not for some higher goal.

Perhaps this isn't correct to bring in Worlds Beyond Number, particularly since Brennan is working, with I'm sure plenty of leeway and freedom, within Matt's worldbuilding here, but I do feel like the way he talks about the witches and their domains [note: haven't listened to the latest episode no spoilers please] is worth mentioning. The witches are proposing killing one of their number (Erika's PC, Ame), and when Ame brings up her domain, they note that if she dies, her domain doesn't disappear; it simply isn't tended to.

I go back and forth on how much the domains of the gods of Exandria matter because we know there is overlap - Nature is a very big thing that encompasses aspects of Death, Storms, Sun, and Moon. Corellon and Moradin and Erathis all share parts of the creative process and it's implied Pelor does too. Agriculture is part of civilization.

If all the gods were killed? Perhaps it would destroy the world, but if some were I think they would simply lose that overlap. I don't know if there is a tipping point - and I do believe there is one (and it's indicated some Exandrians who might know, such as Keyleth, believe this too) but it's also possible that the domain still exists, but the magic and potential within it is gone. If both Melora and The Raven Queen are killed, for example, perhaps there is no longer an afterlife for anyone, but death will still exist.

When Asha says that Aeor will destroy everything I don't think it's a domain thing - I think it's just her noting that Aeor is already consuming a huge number of the planet's currently limited resources. The apples are going to Aeor and not to the starving beggars nor the animals. I think it's just a statement, in terms that a hungry nature goddess would use, that this is an exploitative empire taking advantage of their position of power amid war and natural disaster and that it will eventually exhaust the natural resources Exandria has to offer and die out itself: "This thing, this will be rock and nothing else. Three generations, four, they're going to end it for everything." Taliesin out of character in Cooldown then says Asha/Melora is speaking on behalf of life on Exandria, generally. I don't think it's that nature or storms or death or dawn will cease to exist overall, per se; I just think that they believe that if the only power left on Exandria is Aeor, all life will starve and die out not long after.

[anne8510]

The Perfect Balance

Tony and Peter have been together for about 6 months now and Peter has moved into the penthouse. They sleep better when they are next to each other, less nightmares and night terrors and more actually rest. They have kept it a secret for a while only telling May, Happy and Ned. Three months into their relationship Tony took Peter to the security office with Happy had him meet all of the security staff so there would never be any issues with Peter having full access to everything in the tower and all of Tony's properties world wide. Peter now has a badge that is Alpha2 and the only one that is equal to Tony's. Friday allows Peter access to everything by biometrics even if he doesn't have a badge and this includes Tony's lab. This is huge for Tony, no one has ever had unlimited access to his lab but he trusts Peter with his life and he likes having him by his side as often as possible.

Today is Friday and Tony is in the lab working on making the Spider-Man suit a stealth suit and he has out the lab into blackout mode knowing it won't affect his boyfriend's access but will keep other interruptions away.

As Peter walks through the front doors of the Tower, he waves at the security officers at the desk and heads to the the private elevator. Once he is inside Friday welcomes him home and tells him there are visitors outside the lab waiting to talk to Boss but can't because of the blackout protocol. Peter hums to himself and tells Friday thanks for the heads up. He then asks about how Tony has been through out the day and Friday reports that after finishing meetings in the morning he has been in the lab for 4 hours but has managed to eat all the snacks Peter left for him before he left for classes which makes Peter smile. They have been working on Tony taking better care of himself and to hear he remembered to eat while he was working is a big step.

When Peter gets off the elevators he steels himself to see who is waiting in the hall and takes a few deep breaths when he sees Pepper and Rhodey. Rhodey is on his phone looking fairly relaxed and Pepper is the exact opposite looking pissed and tapping her nails on the keypad on the lab door. Rhodey is first to see Peter and gets up to greet him "Hey Pete how's it going?" "Hi Rhodey. I'm good how about you? What brings you down to the science level? " asks Peter with a smirk." "Just thought I could use a catch up since I finally got the higher ups off my back for our latest political moves." Peter smiled "Tony will be happy to see you and I can give your leg braces a look over while you're here if you want." Rhodey laughed and nodded to the offer. Peter had visited him several times while he was recovering from his injury and helped Tony make his braces. Rhodey knew that after the shit show in both Germany and Siberia Peter had been the one who continued to show up for Tony and Peter was the one Tony found the most comfort in now.

Pepper took this moment to clear her throat and address them both "As much as this reunion is great, it's probably not a good intern day, kid. Tony isn't letting any of us into the lab and the access codes have all been changed since I was last here. Friday isn't really acknowledging me either so probably best if you go home today." Peter took a sharp breath in and moved towards the lab door, "oh I am not here as an intern anymore, I live here and Tony has placed the lab on a blackout protocol which locks out everyone except me. You missed a lot in the last few months Miss. Potts." Peter put his hand on the keypad and the lab doors automatically open, Peter turned to look at the two visitors, "Follow me if you would like to talk to Tony but please keep your voices down until he knows we are here. He doesn't need to have a panic attack thinking there is an attack on the Tower."

As Peter walked into the lab he saw Tony working on the spidey suit at his desk, head down and in the zone. Peter waves his hand and Friday lowered the rock music to a much lower level. This sparked Tony's attention and he looked up to see Peter and smiled widely. "Hi sweetheart. Is it 4 already?" Peter nodded and walked over to give Tony a kiss on the cheek. "Yup 4 on the dot and I brought the best sandwiches in Queens for your next snack." Tony laughed "Thanks love. I am a little hungry now that you mention it but I did finish all the fruit you left me. Thank you for bringing it down here before you left this morning." Peter looked softly at Tony, "Of course. You have some visitors who I let in with me."

Tony looked up to see the two standing near the door while Peter was getting the food ready and starting up his own work. Tony grinned widely when he saw Rhodey, "Honeybear it has been too long. I hope you have some real leave from those government dictators and can stay a few days." Rhodey nodded, "Got a week or two to hang around and annoy you... and Pete is seems." Tony looked over at Peter as the younger man handed him his sandwich and a bottle of water. "Yes Peter will definitely be here too." "Thank you Pete."

Tony took a bite of his sandwich and turned to Pepper, "and I can only assume you have some important paperwork that needs signing to get you all the way down here Miss Potts." Pepper finally unfroze and continued to walk further into the lab. Frustrated she slammed her paperwork down on the table and almost growled "What is going on here Tony? My access codes don't work, Friday is ignoring me and you just called your intern sweetheart!?"

Peter was now up and moving to sit in on the stool next to Tony with his own sandwich in hand. He boldly glared at Pepper and put his hand on Tony's arm to ground him and reassure him he was still by his side. Tony sighed heavily, put his hand over Peter's and gave it a squeeze to say thank you and then looked at Pepper. She had been on the west coast for almost a year and she made no contact with him unless it was business related. Tony spoke firmly "Your access codes work for the parts of the building you are allowed to be in, which is no longer this lab or the penthouse. Those are my personal spaces and now Peter's as well. Peter and I are in a romantic relationship and have been for months now. He has officially moved in and has Alpha2 clearance, the exact same as me, not only here but in all my properties and businesses."

Pepper was furious and could barely get her words out, "What are you doing Tony!? Have a fling. Fine. But you can't give any old kid that kind of access or trust. This is ridiculous you are blinded by a good lay, just great and I am going to pay the price."

Tony steeled himself and spoke with a furious tone that sent a shiver down Pepper's back, "Don't you ever speak that way about Peter again. He is by far the best possible thing I have found in my entire life and I am beyond lucky he sees me as worthy to stand by his side. I trust him with my business, with my secrets and with my life, it is much more than I have ever trusted anyone. You fucked off to the west coast because I was too much to deal with, too many problems but I am not a problem to Peter. And Peter was here when no one else was when I was at my lowest and he brought me back. You and I are not even friends anymore, you are the CEO of this company and that is as far as our communication will go."

Pepper glared at Peter who had finished his sandwich and was now causally rubbing circles on Tony's hand trying to ward off any increasing panic. "Fine whatever when this blows up don't come to me to fix any of it." She tries to hand Tony the paperwork but he doesn't make a move to take it and she pales at the realization he doesn't want to be handed anything from her anymore.

Peter reached over plucked the papers from her hand and placed them in front of Tony. He pushed out of his chair and walked over to his desk to grab a pen. While he was walking back he grabbed a scrap piece of metal from one of the lab tables. "Here is a pen Tony," he says softly and hands the man the pen as he is finishing up reading the contracts. Tony takes the pen without even glancing at Peter. Pepper scoffs at the interaction. Peter is flipping the metal in his hands and finally stands straight in front of Pepper slowly his starts to bend the metal with his bare hands until it goes from a straight line to a small circle in his hands. He looks Pepper in the eye, "Listen I know this is probably a lot to take in all at once and I would be sore if I lost Tony so I don't blame you for not being my biggest fan but I'm not going anywhere and we are happy. It also might serve you well to remember that I am not your average college student which is why we get each other like no one else does."

As he is speaking he throws the metal ball he has crushed in his hands at the wall where it makes a hole in the concrete. Tony looks up at the noise then looks around at the lab tables then looks to Peter with his eyebrows asks what was that?" Peter smirks and says "You can call T'challa and let him know the vibranium did not hold up to my spidey strength." Rhodey now is intrigued and walks over to pick up the metal ball from the floor "Vibranium ... Pete that makes you stronger than Cap. You could break the shield." Both Tony and Peter tense slightly at the mention of Captain America, Peter places a hand on Tony's shoulder and looks to Rhodey with a smile, "That's exactly what it means and I would enjoy that rematch very much."

Tony pushes the signed paperwork over to Pepper who is frozen and pale looking at the dent in the walls. She is not sure how she had momentarily forgotten the boy was Spider-Man but now she sees how he is standing at his full height radiating strength and protectiveness over Tony while Tony is looking at Peter as if he hung the moon.

Tony takes Peter's hand and gives it a quick kiss turns back to Pepper, "Like Peter said we are happy and we plan on staying that way for a very long time. If there isn't anything else.. there are some schedules and new legal updates Friday has forwarded you. Peter's college schedule will reflect my own schedule now, meaning all business trips over a day long will have to be on one of his breaks or in the summer. I will be only doing work for R&D during any of his exam weeks - no meetings and the week of the Fourth of July we will be abroad and should not be bothered. I think that's all I have for you right now Miss Potts."

Pepper was stunned, Tony never so much as remembered her birthday but yet he was arranging his entire life around Peter's academics. "I'm not sure any of this scheduling will work, this is business and it happens fast you have to be available for emergencies and meetings. You can't just kick back with your boy toy. What will I tell the board of directors!?"

"This is the schedule that I will be following and that is my final word. You may be CEO but I'm still the owner of this company and I won't go to any meetings and deal with any emergencies unless I see fit. And you can tell the board I am with my partner and they can shove it. Any other issues please email me. This floor is no longer accessible to you once you have left today." Pepper stomped out of the lab after grabbing her papers and yelled "You are going to ruin everything you have built Tony!" Before the door closed Tony yelled back "I already did that!" And he looked over at Peter who was already staring back and him, "I am putting it back together now." Peter blushed slightly and brought Tony into a hug. "I'm sorry for the things she said sweetheart." Peter sighed and kissed Tony on the nose "It's ok Tony, nothing I didn't expect."

Rhodey cleared his throat and walked back to sit down at the table, "So that was not fun in the least. What's next on the agenda my nerdy lab friends?" The two other men chuckled and Peter picked up his tools, walking towards Rhodey. " Well I 'm going to check out your braces, start scanning Friday, then Chinese for dinner before I have to patrol. Think you could keep this one company for a while?"

Tony huffed "I'm not a charity project and why wouldn't he want to spent the night with his long lost best friend?"

"Oh I think I have some free time to listen to your ego for a bit ya know since it comes with Chinese food." Rhodey winked at Peter.

Tony threw his hands up and raised his voice a bit, "Wait wait wait! You aren't going to say anything about us being together? No comments? No questions? What gives Platypus?"

Rhodey laughed, "I already assumed you two were together. The only surprise is that Pete has moved in and his clearance level. Not that either of those is a bad thing in my opinion." Rhodey looked from Tony to Peter who were both wearing confused looks, he sighed and muttered "Two geniuses just the same. Look while I have been away I call to check in and if you are busy Tones or have a protocol up I don't insist that Friday push my call through. However, Friday does give me a current update at how you are and what is happening. After Germany I got a lot of Boss has locked himself in the lab and is not accepting any calls but then Friday would say but Mr Parker is due to come at 4 and he will have access to the lab and he usually brings dinner for Boss. Then it became Boss is in the lab but Mr. Parker is currently persuading him to get dinner and go to sleep. And so on, I knew Peter had it handled and once you started returning the calls Tones I could hear it in you voice that you had settled a little and weren't so lost. If you are looking for my opinion - I approve, not that either of you need it."

Tony was up on his feet and walked over to his best friend hugging him tightly he whispered a thank you. Then he cleared his throat, gave Peter a kiss and head towards the door. "I'm going to go take a shower and I'll have Friday order the food. Do you want extra dumplings for when you get back from patrol Pete? " Peter nodded "Yes please, 2 orders" he responded. Tony hummed in response and turned to Rhodey "Anything special for you Honeybear?" "Dumplings sound good and fried rice if it is from that place on 5th." Rhodey responded. As Tony walked out they heard him tell Friday to add on the extras and have it delivered in an hour.

Peter returned his focus on the braces and holograms he was working on while Rhodey took a moment of silence before leading into the next part of what he wanted to tell the younger man.

"So.." Rhodey began but was quickly cut off by Peter who snapped his head toward the man, "Please don't say all of that was a lie, he has been nervous about telling you, said he really doesn't want to lose another friend." Rhodey sighed, "No no I meant everything I said Peter, I only wanted to tell you in private thank you for taking care of him. He looks healthier and happier than I've seen in a very long time, hell maybe ever. And he is so stupid if he thinks he is ever getting rid of me." Peter let out the breath he didn't realize he was holding. He turned back to work as he spoke softly "Thank you for your support. It means a lot and it means the world to Tony. I'm so glad he is doing better but I am not doing too much. Those first days were rough and there are still bad days but it's getting easier and he helps me through my own bad days. It's a good balance. I'm happy to be here with him." Rhodey turned serious after thinking for a moment. "Not much, Peter you are doing more than you know. You are accepting Tony for Tony which no one has ever done before. It's everything to him." Peter shrugged and moved the holograms to the side. "He is everything to me so I guess that is fitting. He doesn't deserve all the shit that has happened and now he deserves to have some peace."

Peter worked on updates to Rhodey's leg braces for the next hour while telling some funny stories from his latest patrols. Rhodey enjoyed the stories just as he has when Peter would visit him while he was still recovering in the hospital and rehab. Friday alerted them that dinner had arrived as Peter finished the updates.

When they arrived in the penthouse Tony had all the food set up on the table and was coming out of the kitchen. "Come on. I know you're hungry sweetheart, you only had one sandwich for a snack." Tony declared as he pulled Peter into a quick hug. Rhodey laughed, "Damn spider metabolism lucky you're a billionaire Tones." Peter blushed but stacked his plate and started eating. Tony laughed and began eating himself, "Oh he is worth any food bill I have to pay. Right my little spider dumpling?" Peter almost choked on his fried rice and whines "Toooony!"

Dinner was nice with the friends catching up and soon Peter was suited up and ready to swing back to Queens. He said goodbye to Rhodey and took Tony's hand to pull him out to the landing of on the roof. They stayed hugging for a few minutes whispering I love you, be safe, I'll be waiting and enjoy time with your friend, I'll be back soon, I love you.

And with that Peter swung off the roof and began to get some stats from Karen. Tony watches him swing until he was out of sight and then turned around to go back inside. Rhodey was sitting with a chess game out on the table, "Should we throw it back and have an old school game while we wait?" "Oh sure if you came to lose I'll be happy to help you out." Tony responded.

In the middle of the first game Rhodey decided to dive into the elephant in the room, "So you doing ok after this afternoon, that was a lot with Pepper." Tony scratched his neck and sighed "Yea I expected that I'm glad you and Peter were there so it wasn't a one on one show down but I won't let her hurt Pete. I hope she realizes how serious I am and I won't allow anyone to hurt him." Rhodey nodded, "From her reactions I think she does, she was shocked but I think she saw it is very real. I'm not going to lie she went white as a sheet when she remembered Peter was Spider-Man." Rhodey chuckled and Tony shook his head, "People love to underestimate him, all smiles and so skinny but he can do more damage than the Hulk if he wanted to." Rhodey hummed in response and went on "You know I would like to help you guys out so why don't I go and see Pepper tomorrow tell her this is for real don't mess around just make the changes ya know? Maybe that will help." Rhodey paused and glanced up at Tony, who was looking at him intently. "You both were there for me when I needed someone and I want you to know so have your backs with this even if others don't see it. I see how you two are good for each other and I like seeing you happy Tones." Tony was speechless for a moment then smiled and said "Thanks Honeybear that means more than you know to both of us. It's going to come out and it's probably going to be a shit show but I can't lose him. I will lose everything I have if it means I can keep this with Peter." Rhodey only nodded, a quiet understanding between the two longtime friends.

They played a few games when they were interrupted by Friday stating Peter was ten minutes out from the tower and Karen was reporting a small laceration on his leg but no other injuries to report. Tony huffed and took out a first aid kit from the kitchen, "Friday start the shower at Peter's temperature setting," he ordered with a wave of his hand.

Rhodey watched as Tony busied himself getting ready to take care of Peter and once the elevator beeped to signal the younger man's arrival Tony was waiting at the door holding him in a tight embrace as soon as he stepped out. "Shower is all set for you baby and then I'll fix that cut up and make you a hot drink." Tony said softly as he guided Peter towards the bedroom. Peter nodded quietly, gave Rhodey a little wave and disappeared into their shared room. Tony came back a minute later and started warming up hot chocolate. "You want tea, coffee or hot chocolate Honeybear? It's good for Peter to unwind a little after patrol so he usually likes a hot chocolate which I do make the best one around." Tony takes as he worked around the kitchen. Rhodey watched intently, "You make a good hot chocolate? Well I never thought I would see the day but I'll take one of those."

Peter appeared in the door of the kitchen in comfortable clothes, laughing, " Yes he is a very good barista now." Tony gave Peter a quick kiss and pointed to the couch, "You go and sit, I'll look at the cut and then the drinks should be ready."

Now Rhodey saw the other side of the balance Peter spoke of earlier in the day. Tony taking care of Peter gently and being his comfort as much as Peter was that for Tony in a different way. Rhodey brought the hot drinks into the living room to see Peter's cut was a lot larger than he expected but Peter looked up with a wink and said "Don't worry Rhodey it will be healed by morning." Rhodey huffed this time "Must be nice to have that healing factor." The three enjoyed each other's company while they drank their hot chocolate, it was a rare quiet night for any of them.

In the early morning hours as Rhodey came out to the kitchen to get some coffee, he found the two men cuddled on the balcony couch. Cozy in many blankets with Tony's head in Peter's lap with Peter slowly petting Tony's hair and Tony's eyes red from a night terror. Rhodey smiled behind their backs and started making breakfast after having Friday snap a picture and started a new folder called the Perfect Balance. He would help keep these two soulmates together he made a silent promise to then and himself.

[kim-the-kryptid]

Master Luminara comforts her former Padawan Oros Sami after their anxiety inducing knighting ceremony at the Temple

Really like the atmosphere here and the background doesn't look too bad, considering I hardly ever add backgrounds. Luminara was really enjoyable to draw and write about, she one of my favourite side jedi characters! I'm excited to start exploring Oros's story so I thought a good place to start would be the start of their career as a knight, which began rather unorthodox, for reference, this is 6 years prior to Order 66.

Below the cut, you can read the fic this piece is based on!

Rating: G

Word count: 1.3k

Characters: Oros Sami (jedi oc), Luminara Unduli, High Jedi Council members

The hallway to the High Council’s chamber was excruciatingly long. There were no doors on either side lining the walls, only embellishments and designs of gold leading you towards your destination. Oros tried to look ahead, focusing on how the huge double doors slowly drew closer with each step. Their hands clasped tight together, they breathed deeply, trying to clear their mind.

“I assure you my young Padawan, there is nothing to be fretting over. You have done very well on the trials and should be confident in your abilities,” Master Luminara’s voice cut through the deafening quiet. “If I can sense your fear, the Masters will have no trouble doing so.”

Oros’s eyes flicked down the floor before they breathed and replied, “Yes Master. I regret not having the time to meditate before being called upon.”

“You meditate enough as is. You need to stop letting your anxieties consume you and face them instead. What we are being summoned for today will help you see the advantage you can gain if you let yourself lie in the uncomfortable. It is to be an exciting moment of your Jedi career.” She finally looked over to Oros and gave a smile, pushing her calm through the force. They reached out to their Master’s grounded presence and took one last deep breath, visualizing the anxiety leaving their mind like the tide of an ocean. Gone for now, but welcome to kiss the sand sometime soon.

“I am sorry it has to be done in such an unorthodox way, you deserve to be going to the Hall of Knighthood instead. And you should have been told whether or not you passed already, not find out amongst the Council. For that, I can understand your worries,” Master Luminara placed a gentle hand on Oros’s shoulder. “The times we are living in are looking more and more grim, and the Order has responded by fumbling our traditions, when we Jedi need to be a strong constant in the Galaxy.” Oros studied their shoes but said nothing. No Jedi would admit it, but the recent rise in violence had them tripping on their own robes.

At this, the two reached the doors and waited as the sentinels on either side pushed them open with the force. They stepped out into the centre of the chamber and bowed, waiting for their Masters to proceed. Oros noticed all of them were present, only Master Koon and Master Mundi were tuning in via holo. This did not help their nerves, if they didn’t pass the trials, the entire Jedi High Council would be here during the announcement.

“Master Unduli, appreciate you being here, we do,” Master Yoda started “Important time for your Padawan, it is.” He nodded in acknowledgement and smiled. Master Luminara returned the smile and stepped back, somewhere out of Oros’s view. They awkwardly shifted before standing up a little straighter. The churning in their stomach continued, but now their face was neutral and their breathing calm.

Master Windu waved his hand slowly downwards, lowering the blinds over the windows and cutting off the golden sunlight as well as the surrounding distractions of Coruscant. Oros heard the shifting of shoes and robes, sensing the movements through the force rather than seeing them in the darkness of the chamber. The High Council Masters now stood in front of their seats and after a pause, Master Windu spoke.

“Padawan Oros Sami, with your focus and compassion…” A beat. “you have passed the trials.” Oros immediately let out a breath they didn’t know they were holding, a wave of relief washing over them. A small smile settled on their face, as their Masters’ lightsabers powered on all at once, creating a circle of light around them. Each of them had their saber clasped in two hands, pointed to the ceiling, just in front of their face.

“Padawan Sami, step forward, will you please.” Master Yoda, as the Grand Master of the Council, granted all Jedi Knights their status and place in the order. All the way from Master Windu, to Master Luminara and now Oros all the same. If anyone was worried for the possibility of war, it was him. He’d seen far worse and much more during his time in the order, longer than any of the High Council’s lifetimes combined.

Oros stepped forward, the green light of Master Yoda’s lightsaber bathing their face. His hood also had been drawn over his head, likely during the position change in the dark. The wrinkles around his mouth were calm, carving the familiar warm smile that Oros had seen during their Padawan ceremony. They kneeled and bowed their head just like the other thousands of Jedi had before them.

Master Yoda lowered his lightsaber to Oros’s right shoulder, before swiftly and precisely cutting their Padawan beads from where they had hung for years. He then brought the saber up and over Oros’s head before settling it above the left shoulder, effectively knighting them.

With a rippling sound, the High Council Masters all powered down their lightsabers, filling the chamber in darkness once again. Oros reached and picked up their severed Padawan beads before standing up, bowing and turning to leave the chambers. In silence they waited for the doors to re-open and stepped back out into the hallway, noticing that their now former Master had followed them. They made their way back down the hallway and once they reached a spot where they were alone again, Oros was the first to speak.

“I don’t feel any different, Master.” They stared at the beads in their hands, now just a memory that will have to be disposed of.

“You won’t, not for a while yet. It will take longer than you expect to become used to being called Jedi Knight. And once again as Master,” Master Luminara looked over to Oros, a smile on her face and her hands tucked into the sleeves of her robes. Oros could feel a great deal of unsure sadness radiating from her in the force. The relationship between Padawan and Master was precious, special and connected through the force. They will physically be able to feel the loss of the presence of the other as their duties begin to differ. “Your responsibilities may change, your circumstances, your experience, but I want to know you will always have been my Padawan. Even if there will be no lasting proof of it.”

“I guess this will be the last lesson you will have to teach me Master,” They put the beads into a pocket on their robe to dispose of later in their quarters. “I will miss you greatly, I know my skills are adequate, but I lack in your wisdom. I fear being thrown head first into things doesn’t work well for me. You have seen this first hand.” Oros stopped walking and turned to face Master Luminara now, their eyebrows furrowed and shoulders hunched over in embarrassment at the memories.

Master Luminara made an amused Hmph noise, “Young one, you have always been the sensitive type. But that’s one of your strengths, you will face the same kinds of challenges as you did before, only now you may be alone. I assure you, you will find you might not need to rely on me as much as you thought you did, Jedi Knight, Oros Sami.” She smiled and tentatively reached her arms out to offer a hug. Oros stepped closer and took it, wrapping their arms tightly around her, settling to nuzzle their nose on their Master’s head. With the difference in height, Master Luminara would have essentially been on tip-toes to do the same, so she relaxed and rested her head on Oros’s chest, holding them tightly.

Oros let everything they felt towards their former Master flow through the force. All Padawans are cared for by their Masters, it’s their responsibility, their duty for the future of the Order. Time after time, they will be granted a new Padawan, to fill the space of the last, to teach, to protect and to be a trusted adult of the force-sensitive kids running around the temple. This wasn’t the last time Master Luminara had to say goodbye to a Padawan, but it was the only time Oros had to let go of a Master.

[reviewdiaries]

Nancy x Ace and the riddle of knowledge in 4x11

The sweet smell of being right on the money, I love it. You know what else I love? The development in this episode. Because things in Horseshoe Bay have gone from suspicious AF to completely demented, and I am HERE FOR IT.

We finally have confirmation for why things have felt so off these last few episodes. And we’ve started to explore the jenga puzzle, if I remove this one thing - vanished as though it never existed - what else falls down? What other relationships and feelings change? Can they be pieced back together again?

Let’s start with my boy Ace, because I personally am really enjoying his storyline. Do I completely get where the frustration lies for those who would have liked to see more pining and curse breaking and TENSION? Absolutely. I too would have loved that, because Ace and Nancy serve up delicious tension for breakfast, and it’s a treat to watch it. But I’m also genuinely enjoying seeing what we’ve got, because it’s all about growth.

Ace has been given time and space this series to find himself and flourish. He’s fought through heartbreak, and yes, that heartbreak has been distorted, we know that now. Can feel the chiming sense of wrong wrong wrong, how his feelings towards Nancy have shifted, vanishing like smoke in the air. Memories and feelings erased until there’s nothing left but the bare bones of a friendship and an aching sense of something gone - reaching for his phone in the middle of the night before realising he has no idea why. Because suddenly he’s left with the sense of a relationship that stalled before it could start, an idle heartbreak, the feeling of throwing himself into work, into the next mystery, the next person who shows an interest. A tension under his skin that he can’t ever explain. But he’s found a job that he loves, he’s carving out his own space, learning where to prioritise, where the important parts of him lie, where they join together, and how to take up his own space in the world.

His sense of self worth is still battered, his issues with his parents rampant, but he’s starting to hold his ground, mark his own boundaries, find an inner steel we’ve not yet seen in him. He’s always been so quick to please, to try and do what others have wanted, and this episode we’re finally seeing him stand his ground. 

We haven’t ever seen his parents come into his space before, and we get that not once but three times in this episode. We see the tension and friction between him and his father (which we haven’t seen much of but was alluded to greatly in the first couple of seasons) and we see how his mother tries desperately to keep the peace whilst supporting her son. 

GIF Credit @goodobservationshirley

I love this moment. Because Rebbeca is right. The Claw is absolutely Ace’s house, and that means that she and his father are coming to him to lead, they are stepping into his space and they are going to treat it as his, can acknowledge that it’s his, which is such a huge thing. Sure his dad is dismissive and thinks it’s going to go terribly, but that line is drawn. This is Ace’s space, and that means he is the head of the house.

As he becomes more preoccupied with his ghost he becomes less passive with his father. He stands up for himself, he refuses to be cowed by the disappointment, the expected failure. He does this on his terms. And yeah, he stumbles at the start, but he doesn’t let that phase him, he carries on, he leads. He steps into his own and it is such a joy to see. By the end of the episode we have that beautiful moment where his dad comes to tell him how well he did. And moments like this? They’re everything. The growth, the evolution of their relationship. The way they start to meet each other as equals instead of Ace cowering before his dad, it’s amazing to watch.

And then the confrontation with Nancy. Oh guys, they needed this. Sure, it’s about the ghost, not about them. How can they get this argument out when they don’t even remember their feelings for each other? But this is the first time that Ace asserts himself. Stop. I do not consent to what you’ve done. Stop. He never stands up to Nancy. Never holds space for himself, for his needs. The closest we’ve seen him come is 4x02 when he’s desperately pushing for her to tell him what he’s missing. But even then he doesn’t come out and say it, he doesn’t communicate effectively, doesn’t express himself. He acts the part of the spurned wife, veiling everything behind passive aggressive snark and stone wall silence. 

This is everything. This is beautiful. This is communication. Expressing what he needs, what he wants, and refusing to back down. This is everything that they have been missing. I’ve said it over and over and over this season, so much of their problem has been their inability or willingness to communicate openly with each other. And here, laying down the groundwork, is the first step. The first flag Ace is planting. A map of muscle memory for the next time he needs to hold his head high and say stop, no, this is not what I want. 

But as he starts to find those boundaries, Nancy is finding her sense of self eroded. She is floundering, desperate, panicked by the timeline she’s been thrust into, desperate now she knows there are too smooth edges where her memories have been stitched together. Suddenly she doesn’t know herself, doesn’t trust herself. What is her and what is what’s left behind when it’s been taken - the trip on the pavement versus the assault? What would she do, what could she possibly have deemed so bad it had to be removed? Because this Nancy, the Nancy with the pieces removed, she doesn’t have the framework of her love for Ace, the undying certainty that she would do anything for the man she loves, even tear herself to pieces with her bare hands and a handful of words whispered in the dark. She only has an aching sense of loss and a hundred shifting pieces she can no longer make sense of. 

So she goes back to the basics. Back to the handful of things she can hold onto, the facts of the case. Over and over and over as she spirals into panic and fear and the desperate certainty that she is broken beyond repair, irredeemable, lost and alone.

She knows the date. She knows the time. She knows the call log on her phone. The memories are gone but the facts are there. A handful of truths to hold onto and whisper to herself in the dark. We have seen Nancy at her best and at her worst. But even at her worst - lost in the depths of the Hudson name and sure that she can only be the worst version of herself, she knew her mind. Trusted her memories. Could hold onto the pieces of her that she knew to be true. But this, this is a violation that she knows is self inflicted. A scalpel precise removal of pieces of her she doesn’t even know to miss.

We now have a definitive timeline - Ace called Nancy after the boat trip, after the memorial, her hair still wet from washing buttercream icing out. There’s around twenty minutes between that and her going to call on the Sin Eater. And Nancy, because she’s shaken, she’s been given proof that she’s done something she can’t imagine ever doing, no longer trusts herself, no longer trusts what she’d do, what terrible atrocities she could commit. She goes to Ace and tells him that she thinks they are responsible for the Jane Doe.

GIF Credit @whitefluffyyeti 

 But that doesn’t track, that doesn’t make sense. The Nancy we know and love would never try and erase a murder, cover up something terrible. She’d face it head on, hold herself to the same truth and justice ideal that she holds everyone to, because as far as she’s concerned she’s not special, she’s not above this. If she did something wrong she’d take herself to the police station and confess.

So that’s not it. 

But Nancy would also do absolutely anything for those she loves. Not murder, not hiding something like that. But she would absolutely run to the Yacht Club to erase something to save someone she loves, someone like Ace. It’s something time critical, otherwise why would she go there so quickly. She’s desperate. But it’s not something illegal, no for that she’d call Carson, get a lawyer involved, get it sorted out the right way. She’s not always stayed on the right side of the law - too many opportunities to show up the police when they can’t do their jobs, use her lockpicks, her sleuthing beanie. But if it was something illegal, something bad, something murderous, there is no way she’d erase it, she’d work on building the strongest defence possible, but she wouldn’t undo it.

I don’t believe it’s that they accidentally triggered the curse either. We’ve seen before, the Sin Eater erases the memory, it can’t undo the damage. If the curse were triggered, if Ace were doomed to die, the Sin Eater wouldn’t be able to do a thing to stop it.

So what does that leave? I genuinely have no clue. There are some great theories floating around about that night, about the Captain of the ship mysteriously cancelling, about the curse that Ace drops overboard. Something about that is off. And we can no longer trust what we’re being shown as viewers. Is what we see the truth? Or is it the altered version after the Sin Eater has removed it from the characters’ collective consciousness? Did Ace and his dad have a lovely bonding fishing trip or did something else happen? Did Nancy and Ace actually have that conversation as we saw it? Clearly not. But what have we had erased? What parts are missing? What jigsaw pieces are we going to be gifted to fill in to make the picture make sense?

My two cents, for what they’re worth - I don’t believe the ghost and the Jane Doe are the same. I think these are two things thrown together to make us think they’re the same. If the Captain theory holds true I’m willing to bet that they’re the burned corpse. But I think the ghost is the figurehead from The Governance. 

The Governance was stormed away from its original course thanks to the Aglaeca - thanks founders and your truly terrible treatment of women. Like I was in a storm. 

They then ripped the boat to pieces and left the figurehead as a protector of the Black Door, literally in the basement. The sky is gone.

The figurehead that has watched over as they tried over and over to merge the Sin Eater with the stolen children. There’s only one left.

She’s ethereal, not wearing the clothes she died in, but a white robe - like an angel, like a woman in white, like a being of magic. And Nancy Drew have been at great pains to point out throughout that there is a balance. Plugonia - plural, one doll for evil, one for light. What if the figurehead is not just a watcher, but part of the literal balance of the Sin Eater?

Now, @flythesail has done a truly excellent post exploring this theory which makes me feel much less like I’m going crazy connecting dots that aren’t there, and I highly recommend checking it out, because she does a fab job exploring the ideas of reincarnation that the writers are bringing into play this season, and makes a very compelling argument for this.

And once you start putting those pieces in, suddenly Nancy and Ace behaving as they are over the ghost and Tristan begins to make even more sense than memory erasure and heartbreak. And honestly, that’s not a sentence I ever thought I’d say.

But the thread has been found - how can you find a thread to pull when you don’t even know it’s missing waiting to be discovered? Against all the odds the photo, the timeline, it’s starting to emerge. And we know how Nancy gets once there’s a mystery. That desperate all consuming urge to uncover the truth, the light, the justice for a town steeped in darkness and secrets, for the people caught up in the web, for herself.

[borathae]

↳ Index [Chapter 27 - Guilt]

Warnings: nightmares, Jimin is finally bettering himself, she keeps overthinking, Yoongi is going through it this chapter hahaha not in a bad way, this is both very sweet but also has sad moments

Wordcount: 7.1k

a/n: we stan a man wanting to do better

The kitchen is filled with the smell of food. The air dances in the music of Hoseok’s playlist. The latter is currently showing off a dance move to Yoongi, who shows him his support by nodding his head as his arms are crossed in front of his chest.

“Are you getting the peppers soon?” Seokjin calls over his shoulder.

“Yeah, yeah soon. God, I was showing off my moves”, Hoseok whines, stopping his dance, “sorry hyung, it’ll have to wait.”

“Yeah, yeah”, Yoongi dismisses him but overall he looks very content with himself.

“What did you think of it?”

“It looked good”, Yoongi praises him which makes Hoseok show off a huge grin.

“You guys seem to have fun”, you call their attention.

“Oh guys, finally you’re done. The entire house heard you”, Hoseok says.

“What do you mean?”

Hoseok rolls his hips in a sexual way, making weird faces as he does.

“Eh-hey”, he says, wiggling his brows.

“You’re so gross, will you finally get the peppers?” Seokjin hisses.

Hoseok stumbles away with a cackle, soon disappearing in the pantry.

“Did you actually…”

“No. He’s gross and listened in”, Seokjin answers you, studying you from head to toe, “how are you doing, Taehyung?”

“Good thank you for asking. And you?” he says.

“Good, yeah”, Seokjin purses his lips in preparation for what he will say, “I’m glad you’re feeling better.”

“Oh uhm”, Taehyung lowers his gaze shyly, “thank you, that means a lot to me.”

“Mhm yeah”, Seokjin turns back to the stove, stirring the onion with bright red ears.

“I’m happy too”, Emma says, giving Taehyung a sweet smile, “we have to do another dance party soon. I’ll get my Banjo then”, she adds.

“Certainly!” Taehyung nods his head vigorously, “oh, I haven’t played folk in so long, we ought to do it soon.”

“Definitely”, she says, flashing him one last smile before returning to her task of dicing the pumpkin.

Taehyung looks at you with sparkling eyes. Did you see that? He says with that look, we are finally getting along. For the first time in far too many months his eyes carried honest life in them again and you are so happy that they do, hoping that it will never die out again. 

You lean in to peck his cheek, telling him that you were happy with it.

Taehyung inches closer to Seokjin and Emma afterwards, joining their middle.

“Can I help somehow? The food smells amazing already. What are we cooking?” he asks.

“Roasted pumpkin and pepper soup, it’s best for autumn days like today”, Emma tells him.

“Oh, that sounds lovely. You know, we were thinking about having a winter holiday party, perhaps we can cook it then too.”

“A winter holiday party? That sounds so much fun.”

“Definitely. I have already planned everything…”

Their conversation soon fades out into the background.

“Good morning”, you greet Yoongi, “did you sleep well?”

“I didn’t sleep.”

“Why? Are you okay? Did the conversation take so long? Are you okay? How did it go?”

“It went alright. He'll think about himself."

“And he is still alive, right?”

Yoongi scowls at you, “I told you that I wouldn’t kill him, didn’t I? Stop distrusting me.”

“Gosh, no I didn’t mean it like that. Thank you for talking to him.”

“Mhm”, Yoongi nods his head.

“So why did you stay awake all night?”

“I followed a supposed trail to Namjoon.”

“And? How did that go?”

“It lead to nothing”, he says and huffs out air.

“Gosh, that sucks. I’m sure we’ll find him soon”, you assure him.

“I hope”, he murmurs then goes to study your face, “you look…” his eyes flit to your middle then back to your face, “…well rested.”

“I am”, you pull him close to you, kissing his lips that way.

“Mhm”, Yoongi hums in acknowledgement, stepping back as inconspicuously as possible before that could happen. He ignores the confused look you send his way because of it.

Hoseok returns with the peppers.

“So guys, about this morning. I assume we are all goody good again?”

“Jesus christ Hoseok, you’re such a pervert. Can you stop talking about it?” Yoongi hisses.

“I’m just asking. They were really going at it.”

Yoongi frowns, crossing his arms in front of his chest.

“Yeah and apparently forgetting their training”, he murmurs, sending Jungkook a look.

“In my defence”, Jungkook begins, “I was only doing what you told me I could do. And Taehyung took watch.”

“I did”, Taehyung turns, looking proud.

“I know”, Yoongi answers him dryly, studying him from head to toe.

“And? What do you think of it? Did I do well?” he asks, nudging Yoongi’s chest.

“I guess.”

Taehyung grins proudly, “see? I told you, I know a thing or two about control as well. Now you don’t have to be his only teacher anymore, I can help too.”

Yoongi turns his head to the side, tightening the grip he has on his own arms, “mhm.”

“So you listened in too”, Hoseok says, wiggling his brows, “you pervert.”

“Hey, don’t call me a pervert. You did it first”, Yoongi complains.

“Did I?” Hoseok wiggles your brows.

“Whatever, I only did it to make sure Jungkook stayed in control.”

“Mhm sure and it wasn’t because you’re into it.”

Yoongi frowns again, giving Hoseok a little growl and a flash of his fangs.

Hoseok snickers.

“How about we all agree on not listening in on people having sex from now on, yeah?” you say, feeling like getting swallowed by the ground would be way more comfortable.

“I only did it to make sure you’re safe”, Yoongi murmurs, pouting which earns him one of your looks.

“In my defence, I listen in on Seokjin and Emma too”, Hoseok says.

“Yah!” Seokjin exclaims, head snapping up quickly, “what did you just say? Come here you little bastard”, he says, soon chasing Hoseok with a spatula in one hand and a dish towel in the other.

“Hoseok, Seokjin can you two behave?” Emma tells them with fondness in her eyes, “we need those peppers.”

“I’ll cut them”, Yoongi says, snatching them and a cutting board.

“Thank you hun, you are a darling”, Emma says, returning to the soup.

“I want to do something too”, Jungkook says.

“I wanted to bake bread”, Yoongi says, “the recipe’s in my book.”

“On it, bread it is. ___, Tae do you want to help me?”

“Of course!” Taehyung exclaims, hurrying to Jungkook’s side. He back hugs him, swaying their bodies from side to side with his chin resting on his shoulder.

“Just tell me what to do”, you say, staying between Jungkook and Yoongi.

You end up reading the ingredients while Taehyung is the one getting them and Jungkook is stuck with the duty of kneading. Every now and then he giggles when Taehyung decides to nibble on his neck or shoulder, telling the older vampire to stop it whilst never really fighting him off.

Yoongi in the meantime finishes the peppers and brings them to Emma, returning to your side afterwards.

“The dough is – Tae stop biting me – the dough is finished what should I do next?” Jungkook says with Taehyung nuzzled into his neck.

“Maybe start with a little less biting and more kneading?” you tease.

Taehyung lifts his head, grinning boyishly.

“I feel like you want to tell me something, darling”, he says.

“Of course not, you little sweetie just aren’t helpful”, you say, nudging his arm.

“But Kookie smells so good”, Taehyung pouts, resting his cheek on Jungkook’s shoulder, “I want to eat him.”

Jungkook gulps, staring at you and Yoongi with big eyes. His cheeks are rosy.

“Didn’t you do that enough this morning?” Yoongi throws in, eyes sparkling in unsure anticipation if his joke was funny.

Taehyung widens his eyes then snorts very ungracefully.

“Oh dear hyung, did you just joke?” he says.

“Why?” Yoongi crosses his arms in front of his chest.

“Nothing, you are simply hilarious”, Taehyung stumbles away from Jungkook to instead hug Yoongi, getting stopped by Yoongi raising his hand in a stopping motion before he can.

“Okay, don’t overstep your privilege now.”

Taehyung laughs, “come on, just one hug.”

“No, you’re making it weird. Fuck off.” 

“Okay then”, Taehyung says and falls around Yoongi’s neck instead.

Yoongi freezes up, staring at nothing with widened eyes and his arms stretched from his body. 

“What did I just tell you?”

“But I want to”, Taehyung murmurs into Yoongi’s shoulder. 

“Why?”

“Because I want to. You deserve a hug. For helping me last night and for talking to him and for being a great friend. I felt so alone lately, but now I don’t anymore. Thank you, hyung.”

“Uhm. Yeah.”

Yoongi pats Taehyung on the back twice, carrying an awkward look on his face.

“Are you done now?” he asks. 

Taehyung shakes his head, pulling Yoongi closer. 

“What are you doing? Can you”, he huffs out air, “can you not?” 

“But hyung, I love you.”

“Get off of me”, Yoongi says, wiggling in Taehyung’s hold. 

Taehyung snickers, “no.”

“Just piss off”, Yoongi hisses, pushing at Taehyung, “seriously Tae, I’ll break your arms if you don’t let go.”

Taehyung gives Yoongi a tight squeeze.

“No. Leave me alone. I don’t want this”, Yoongi complains, fighting the younger vampire vehemently. 

Not that he ever truly uses his strength. He is just weird about all of this. Weird and nervous like nothing else.

Taehyung giggles and finally steps back, flashing Yoongi a boyish grin.

“You’re so cold-hearted hyung. Do you not love me back?” he says, earning himself a dramatic eye roll, “do you not love me, hyung?”

“You’re so weird sometimes”, Yoongi fixes his shirt, looking to the side in shyness.

Taehyung cackles. Now everything is just how it is supposed to be. Safe for you.

Taehyung forces his arms under your own arms, hugging your middle that way.

“Oh you”, you squeak before giggling loudly, “gosh, you cutie what are you doing?”

“I’m hugging you”, Taehyung smiles brightly, “have I told you today that you are beautiful?”

“Gosh Tae”, you rest against his chest, “you’re flustering me so much.”

“So are you guys all a thing now?” Hoseok asks.

“What do you mean?”

“I just mean, you four”, he gestures between you, “are you all dating? Like a foursome thing?”

“No”, Yoongi says instantly, “we’re not.”

“But you all seem really close.”

“That is because Yoongi doesn’t know what he is talking about”, Taehyung says, “of course we are dating”, he says and tries to take Yoongi into a group hug with you and Jungkook.

“Can you let off?” Yoongi hisses, fleeing instantly, “just because we agreed on getting along, doesn’t mean I wanna date you.”

“Did I say something wrong?”

“Yes, I’m not dating you. Get that out of your head.”

Taehyung grins, “I’ll get you there eventually. I got Kookie too, didn’t I?” he says and nuzzles his nose into Jungkook’s neck.

The latter giggles loudly, “god Tae, you’re tickling me.”

��Tch”, and with that Yoongi turns away, ready to leave.

“Hey hyung, don’t leave”, Hoseok says, holding his wrist, “sorry for asking.”

“It’s fine, you couldn’t have known with all the clingy shit going on”, he assures him.

“God hyung, why are you so grumpy today?” Taehyung asks with a pout.

“I’m not grumpy”, he throws back, “can you give me space?”

“Of course, that’s a given.”

“Thanks. I’m gonna leave now. I need to meet someone.”

“Who are you meeting?” Seokjin asks.

“Just someone important. See you later.”

He leaves the kitchen in big steps.

“Well, that didn’t go as planned”, Hoseok mumbles, “shouldn’t I have asked?”

“I don’t know”, Jungkook says, looking at you just like all the others do.

“What?” you ask them,

“Can you talk to him?” Taehyung asks you, “he listens to you.”

“Y-yeah sure, I’ll talk to him”, you say, hurrying after Yoongi with an irregular pulse.

Deep down you hope that he has already left and you don’t have to talk to him. What if he brings up what happened with Suzy? Maybe that is why he is so pissed off today. Because he is angry that you had fun this morning instead of being sick in guilt. What if he wants to talk about it now? After all, he is the only person who didn’t talk to you about it yet. You have no idea what you should say if he decides to make this day the day.

Yoongi however is still present, putting on his coat. He looks at you through the mirror.

“Do you need something?” he asks.

“No uhm, Tae sent me”, you tell him.

“Ah”, Yoongi looks away, fingers working quickly to close the buttons, “what does he want?”

“He just wanted to know if you are angry at him.”

“A little yeah.”

“Do you want to tell me?”

Yoongi exhales loudly, looking at you again. He shakes his head, walking away from the mirror to put on his boots. He sits down for it.

“Okay uhm. What should I tell him you told me?”

Yoongi lifts his head, “are we in middle school that you have to play messenger? Why can’t he talk to me personally?” he hisses.

“Sorry, you’re right. I’ll tell him that”, you say, turning on your heels.

“No, wait”, Yoongi stops you.

You look over your shoulder.

“Come here”, he says in a soft voice, patting his thigh.

You waddle to him and sit down on it, avoiding eye contact.

“Can you look at me?” he asks, placing his fingers under your chin to turn your head gently.

You do so with heated cheeks.

“I’m not angry at you. You know that, don’t you?” he says softly, caressing your chin.

“Yeah, I guess.”

“Good”, he lets go of your chin, placing his hand on your thigh instead. It feels warm and heavy on your lap, “is there anything else you want to talk about?”

“No!” you exclaim instantly, jumping up from his lap, “there is nothing to talk about. I just came here for Taehyung, you know?”

Yoongi studies your sudden panicked face with his brows knitted in confusion.

“Okay”, he says, looking away to finish closing his boots.

“Okay then. Then that is talked about too, I’ll tell Tae that you want him to talk to you personally and then we have nothing else to talk about.”

“Yes, okay?” Yoongi stands up, studying your face with even more confusion.

“Okay bye, we’ll see each other later.”

“Princess”, he takes your hand gently, preventing you from turning away.

“W-what?”

“Can I not get a kiss at least?” he asks, mind going haywire in sudden insecurity. Why are you literally drowning in the scent of fear? What did he do? He wonders those questions as you stare at him.

You nod your head and lean in for a kiss. Yoongi makes sure that you deepen it with his right hand holding your face and his left hand pressing you close by the small of your back.

“I’ll miss you”, he murmurs between kisses, “I’ll miss you like crazy, princess”, he whispers, sealing his words by kissing you oh so deeply. He breaks the kiss, letting your lower lip slip from between his teeth. It leaves your lips so tender, “you’ll miss me too, won’t you?” he asks as quietly as possible.

“Of course I’ll miss you”, you answer him, stubbing his nose with your own, “please be careful, my love.”

“I’m always careful”, he says and his voice carries a certain lightness to it all of a sudden, “be careful too, my princess. Don’t leave the house without the others, yeah?”

“Yes, okay.”

You open your eyes at the same time as Yoongi. He is blurry from being so close to you, but you can’t quite pull back yet.

“That’s my best girl”, he whispers, caressing your cheekbone before taking a step back.

He puts his gloves on afterwards, eyes locked on your face, “if you need anything just call me.”

“Okay.”

“You know that you can talk to me about anything, right?”

You lower your eyes, nodding your head.

“Good”, he says, slinging his arm around your waist just to pull you into him and kiss your cheek, “so is there something you want to tell me?”

“No uhm, no please just be careful my love.”

“Mhm”, he nudges your cheek with his nose, “I will.”

“Good”, you say, daring to look into his eyes and meeting fondness in them, “see you later.”

“See you later, my princess.”

Yoongi leaves after one careful look at your face. You won’t see him for the rest of the day and you’ll go to sleep alone after taking a way too long shower where your mind wandered to the most traumatic day of your life.

Lights flicker. The air smells acidic. The walls are red, the carpet on the ground is soaked in blood. The realisation of where you are is instant. You turn and run.

“No please no”, you beg, “wake up ___ wake up, you’re dreaming!” You can hear yourself but you don’t listen. Someone behind you is calling your name. A woman. She is calling you a murderer. Over and over again. You look over your shoulder. She has gotten closer than last night. Her face is still hidden. “Wake up!” you scream, reaching for the door which lies closed before you. “Fucking wake up ___!” you scream, ripping the door open.

Your eyes open. The room is dark. The air smells nothing like the stinging stench of blood. Exhaling shakily, you sit up and turn the lights on. The room appears in front of you, pulling you back to reality just enough to calm down your racing heart. You aren’t sleeping anymore. You are safe again. You are safe.

“I fucking hate this”, you press out, rubbing your own forehead to still the memory of the lasting dream, “I need air.”

You leave the lights on and leave in nothing but your pyjamas and slippers.

You regret your clothing choice once outside. The night is punishing, making you shiver within seconds and yet you don’t mind. Feeling cold means that you can at least feel something other than that awful, awful guilt in your stomach. It sits so heavy in there, reminding you each night why you shouldn’t do things like laugh or joke with the others.

The bench on which you sit down is wet under you, soaking your bottoms until even your skin is soaked. You take this sensation over the burning of blood soaking through your shoes. Each and every single night. Every single fucking night you are walking through too much blood. It’s so exhausting.

“Fuck”, you press out, lowering your head. A shiver runs through your body so aggressively that you physically have to exhale to make it easier to bear.

You are so tired.

A sound beside you makes you lift your head again.

Jimin is sitting next to you. He acknowledges you with a nod of his head, but turns it to look at the view instead.

You turn away too, locking your eyes on the one star you can see on the cloudy sky. It is almost flickering, as if it was fighting for its right on the sky. As if someone was trying to snuff it out while it screamed in order to be acknowledged as important. Flickering, flickering, flickering. Like those lights in your dreams. Endless flickering. You shake off the memory, squeezing the edge of the bench. Jimin doesn’t react.

“Are you just going to sit here?” you ask into the silence.

“Should I do a handstand instead?” he throws back.

You let out a tired chuckle, kicking a little pebble into the nothingness of the night.

“I don’t want to talk.”

“I know, I don’t want to talk either.”

“Okay, good.”

“Good.”

He settles back. You stare at your own feet. Your stomach is so tight in guilt. You hate feeling like this. You would do anything to turn it off. You sneak a glance at Jimin. Turning it all off…

“How does it feel?” you ask him.

“Didn’t you say you didn’t want to talk?”

“Yeah well…” you lower your head.

Jimin sneaks a glance at you then looks away. He thinks that you smell of fear, guilt and tiredness tonight. He wonders why you do, but doesn’t want to ask.

“How does what feel?” he probes.

“Turning off your emotions.”

Jimin is silent, which makes you sneak a glance at him to see if he hadn’t heard you. But he did, staring at you with slight shock in his eyes.

“I keep wondering”, you say.

He breathes out and looks back at the sky.

“Why do you want to know?”

“Because I want to know.”

“I see.”

“So? How does it feel?”

“Like taking a deep breath after being underwater for too long”, he answers you.

“Does it work instantly?”

“Yes, it’s instant. One moment you are hurting so much that you want to scream and kick and claw at something and then you flip it and it’s gone. All of it. All of the pain, the loss, the guilt and heartbreak. It’s as if it never even existed”, he sighs, “and that’s when you finally feel free.”

“And it really helps? You truly feel nothing?”

“Oh no, you still feel. But it’s more that all those things which really hurt, stop affecting you and all those things you enjoy feel like one endless epic acid trip. You’re there, but you’re not really there. There are consequences but they don’t affect you because they can’t hurt you. You know?”

“That must be nice.”

Jimin turns to study your features.

“It’s not”, he says coldly, “because you become an asshole. A cold, heartless asshole and once you wake up? Once you flick that switch? All those moments where you hurt strangers or the people important to you come back to you and then. Ohoho then”, he touches his chest, “then you really want to die. Because nothing hurts more than waking up from a good dream only to realise that you were the nightmare of so many others.”

“But at least you won’t feel like shit.”

“True, except when you do. Tenfolds.”

“I guess.”

“But why are you even asking? You’re human, it’s not like you can choose.”

You stay silent long enough that Jimin finds out that your fingers have been fumbling with the necklace around your neck all this time. The one carrying the vial of Taehyung’s blood.

“No”, he says, “don’t even think about it.”

“Why not? At least I could have an option.”

“An option? Now stop it”, he pulls your hand away, “you’re seriously considering throwing your life away because of what? A bad day? A random sad mood?”

“I killed someone.”

“So? We all did.”

“It hurts”, you barely get out and then your eyes fill with tears.

“I know. Your first kill always hurts the most.”

“I can’t stop thinking about it. When I, I close my eyes I, I see her face right before I killed her. It’s still so clear to me as, as if I was doing it over and over again.”

“It’s terrible isn’t it? You feel nothing in the moment, but feel like fucking shit afterwards.”

“Yes”, you croak, doing the unthinkable of letting out a sob.

Jimin watches you bury your face in your hands and then begin shaking in your sobs.

He pulls a grimace of helpless distaste.

“Don’t cry”, he says.

“I feel so awful. I, I can’t do this. Not even getting killed by you and Namjoon traumatised me as much. I, I had nightmares, but felt fine. But this is consuming me. I can’t stop thinking about it. It’s all I’m thinking about. It’s not leaving me.”

“And it probably won’t for a long time, but it’s only natural to think about it. You killed someone and that shit is awful.”

You sob miserably.

“Hell, most people live their life without ever knowing how it is to kill. But you’re not most people and if you hadn’t done what you did then we’d all be dead. All of us. Tae, me, the others. We’d all be dead.”

You lift your head from your hands to look at him.

“You saved us. What you did wasn’t murder, it was our rescue.”

Jimin scoots closer and gives your arm a soft tap. Just once and then he pulls back again.

“You’ll feel guilty for quite some time. You’ll also think of that bitch’s face for a long time. But I hope you don’t feel ashamed in front of us. Because we don’t see you as someone deserving of shame. We all killed people and what you did?” He shakes his head. “None of us even consider this a killing. You did the right thing.”

You sob.

And Jimin reaches out and taps your arm again.

“Especially Yoongi doesn’t see you differently”, he says and being called out on the one thing which has been hurting you like nothing else feels suffocating. But it feels especially suffocating because it came from Jimin.

You stare at him, “what do you mean?”

“Because Yoongi to you is what Tae’s to me and I know how I felt whenever Namjoon made me kill people in front of him.”

“Oh.”

“And I know Yoongi. He doesn’t see you any differently. Hell. Knowing him, he’s beating himself up about what happened.”

You sniffle.

You look away.

You wonder if what you are witnessing is actually real.

You come to the conclusion that it is and look back at Jimin.

“How do you do it?” you ask him.

“Do what?”

“Live with blood on your hands? How do you do it so you don’t see yourself differently?”

He laughs with pain in his voice, “honey, it’s a little too late to ask me that”, he says but furrows his brows in seriousness when he sees how nervous you look because of it. He takes a deep breath and releases it by exhaling through his nose. “By covering it in more blood?” he is only partially joking but it makes you laugh nonetheless.

Jimin allows a tiny chuckle to slip past his lips as well, giving your arm a soothing pat. “And by pretending that what I did was the right thing? Or that it wasn’t my fault in the first place”, he says, staring at the night with lifeless eyes, “all those massacres? Just because I needed to sustain my body. All the torture? I did because Namjoon wanted me to. My wife?” He lowers his head.“I haven’t found an excuse for that one yet”, he confesses in a whisper.

“It was Namjoon’s fault”, you say.

Jimin turns his head, locking eyes with you. It feels as if this right here is the moment he truly looked into your eyes for the first time. That this right here was the moment where he allowed your connection to be real.

“Tae told me how you got turned. It was Namjoon’s fault.”

“You know my story?”

“Yes, Tae told me. He wanted the world to know the real you.”

“And you listened?”

“Of course I did. It meant a lot to him. You deserved it too. I feel like you were really trying to be better in those last few weeks before your death. “

Jimin pulls his arm away and scoots back. He seems flustered.

“I’m sorry by the way. I tried running as fast as possible, but I couldn’t get there in time”, you tell him.

“Don’t”, Jimin says, “I died for a good cause. Besides, I’m still here am I not?”

You nod your head.

“Do you know how it is?”

“What?”

“Afterlife.”

“Peaceful.”

“So you were there?”

“Mhm-hm for a while. It was a meadow. It was endless and the sun never set. I kept running because I could smell my favourite food in the distance. So I ran and ran and realised that I was so incredibly slow because I was human again. And then I cried and ran faster because I finally understood what happened and it made me so incredibly happy and excited to finally find my peace.”

He exhales shakily.

“I fell then and someone dragged me back. And I screamed and cried and begged those hands to let me go. And the smell became lesser and lesser again until suddenly I saw nothing and felt as if I was being burned alive.”

He lowers his eyes.

“Then I woke up again and looked into Thea’s face and I knew that I was back on earth again”, he whispers, carrying heartbreak in his voice.

“I’m sorry, this must have been awful.”

“It was.”

“But you have Tae back.”

“Yes”, Jimin smiles honestly, “I have him back.”

“I’m happy that you do, because Taehyung is happy when you’re with him.”

Jimin sneaks a glance your way. For just a second he seems honest in his emotions. Gratefulness and maybe just the slightest bit of fondness. But then he flusters and the honesty disappears.

“When you’re not being a complete and utter manipulative asshole that is”, you add, “you were being a really shitty person when you told Tae that I was the one forcing you to bite me.”

“I know”, Jimin says, lowering his eyes, “I’m sorry. I was scared that he’ll hate me otherwise.”

“Yeah well, if you keep being a dick to anyone he cares about, maybe one day he will.”

Jimin snorts, lifting his brows in agreement, “I heard this quite a lot those past few days.”

“Yeah ‘cause it’s true. I know you have good in you. All those great stories Tae told me about you are proof enough.”

“Tae’s a dreamer.”

“So why did you sit with me right now and listen to me be sad?”

“You’re sitting on my thinking bench”, he answers you, making you snort.

“I don’t think that’s it. I think you actually want to be good, but don’t know how to start.”

“You sound like Yoongi”, Jimin murmurs, looking to the side with a tense jaw.

“I mean, at least now you know that two people think that way.”

Jimin shakes his head.

You study his face long enough that he sends you a look. 

“What?” he asks, lifting his brows in a challenge. 

“I just don’t know what to make of you.”

“The fuck do you mean by that?”

“You’re acting like a dick most of the time and yet somehow I never really...I don’t know, you’re not a dick to me.”

He scoffs, “and why should I be?”

“I don’t know. Maybe because you’re a dick to everyone?”

“That’s not true. I’m just a dick to people who deserve it.”

“Yeah? Like Yoongi?” you ask in a scoff. 

“We talked about that shit. You don’t gotta dwell on it anymore”, he hisses.

“You did?”

“Yeah.”

“That explains why you seem chill tonight.”

“I guess.”

He looks away and seems embarrassed by the conversation.

“I still gotta ask though. Why were you never mean to me? Except the one time you lied about the club, but even there you listened once I sat you down. Why do you even listen to me in the first place?”

“I don’t know what you want me to say. I’m not a total dick all the time you know?” he says and clicks his tongue.

“I like you when you aren’t. You know?”

“Ew, please don’t.”

“Mean.”

“Sorry.” 

“Was that an apology?”

“No? The fuck’s you on about?”

You scoff and chuckle.

“You’re so weird sometimes.”

“You’re weird.”

You laugh and to your surprise, Jimin lets out a little chuckle as well. 

You and he exchange a look. 

“Why is it so hard for you to be good all the time and not just sometimes?”

“It’s not hard, I’m just not a good person.”

“Didn’t you just say that you aren’t a dick all the time?”

“Not being a dick all the time and being a good person isn’t the same thing.”

“I guess”, you nudge his arm, “so why can’t you be good? Is it because of Namjoon?”

He turns his head quickly, looking at you with widened eyes.

“Why are you always asking me that?” he hisses.

“Because I want to know.”

Jimin grinds his teeth, lowering his eyes in anger.

“So what if it is because of him?” he spits, “what good does it to you to know that it’s because of him? It won’t change the fact that I’m still an asshole.”

You study his features long enough that Jimin feels the need to turn his head away again, shifting in embarrassment.

“Your days are going to be peaceful from now on”, you whisper.

Jimin glances at you with disbelief deep in his eyes.

“I’m positive that they will be.”

“Tzt.”

You look at Jimin. He is picking at the skin on his fingers, staring at the ground with fearful eyes. Perhaps he is wondering when those days will end again. Like they always did in the past when he thought himself safe only to be reminded that chaos exists. Taehyung told you about those days. There was a farm, apple trees and a woman named Ava, who sometimes loved to dress up as a man. And that chaos came after one year of tranquillity and that they lost everything again. There were many stories like that. Many stories that felt like hope, but ended in chaos. You think that Jimin feels just like this right now. That he wonders when those days of hope will be shattered by the cruel hands of chaos again.

“Should we hug each other?” you ask quietly.

Jimin turns his head to you, “what kind of request is that?”

You shrug your shoulders, “I don’t know. I just figured that maybe we both need a hug tonight.”

He falters, punching his own palm repeatedly as his eyes run over your features. Then he exhales, straightening up. He scoots closer, placing his arms around you in complete silence. You wrap your arms around him as well, resting your chin on his shoulder.

He shudders in an almost angry exhale. His face falls against your neck, lips brushing against your skin in the process.

You bury your hand in his hair, making sure he stays close, “now let’s stay like this for a bit.”

Jimin doesn’t have his eyes closed because quite frankly he would hate himself if he gave in to his urges. He looks outside at the endless night and the painting of light and shadow the moon cast onto the earth. He doesn’t like the hug while at the same time hoping that it would never end. Namjoon took everything from him. He thinks of it. His life, his people, his lovers, his bond with Taehyung, his carelessness, his restful nights and his feelings. Namjoon ruined him. There is no person in his life who hurt him as much as he did.

Jimin closes his arms around your waist as tightly as possible.

There is no night where he doesn’t have trouble falling asleep, let alone sleep longer than an hour for nightmares of all the torture he was put through pull him awake again. Jimin hasn’t slept well ever since he was turned and he is so exhausted.

So, so exhausted.

He closes his eyes for he felt so terribly tired. He closes his eyes and lets those shadows on the ground disappear from his vision.

You thought that you wouldn’t enjoy the hug but you do. He feels good. His arms are strong but his hands are gentle and there is something in the way he holds you that lets you know that he understands way more than he may tell you. You can’t explain why, but it feels good to be understood by Jimin. The others may have killed a few people, but Jimin actually enjoyed it at times. So to be understood by him feels comforting. He, who wants to be better, tells you that you, who did something so awful, can be forgiven too. The thought comforts you greatly.

And so you close your eyes, pulling him closer until you have his scent in your nose. Orange blossoms. Just like Taehyung told you all those months ago.

“Thank you”, you whisper.

“For what?” 

“The hug.”

“I’ll kill you if you tell anyone about this”, he murmurs.

“Don’t worry”, you let out a little scoff, “I’m not telling anyone. Idiot, just accept the hug.”

“Hah”, Jimin lets out a deep breath, “fuck, now you made it weird.”

He breaks away from you, putting distance between you and him while his eyes are looking to the side in embarrassment. He touches the side of his neck.

“You uhm”, he clears his throat, “you don’t stink.”

“Thank you?” you have to chuckle, “what a sweet compliment.”

“God, shut up”, he groans, “you’re so annoying.”

And with that he stands up, stomping off in an almost childish manner. You snicker to yourself. Poor boy, he is so obviously flustered. It is almost adorable.

You follow him.

“What?” he hisses, looking at you through the corners of his eyes.

“Nothing, I’m just walking.”

“Yeah? Do you have to walk next to me?”

“Oh come on, Jimin. Our titties just touched in a deep hug, stop being so stuck up.”

“Hah!” he rolls his eyes, “you’re stuck up”, he murmurs, making you grin.

Childish baby.

Soon you arrive by your door. He is avoiding eye contact at all cost.

“You uhm”, he says, reaches out to tap your shoulder only to pull back before he can touch you, “sleep tight.”

“You too.”

“Sure.”

Jimin turns and struts down the hallway.

“Jimin?”

He stops, looks over his shoulder.

“Yeah?”

“Thank you for listening to me. I really needed it tonight.”

“Sure, uhm..thanks too”, he says and turns.

You sneak back into your room afterwards, closing the door on the world. You won’t be plagued by another nightmare that night.

Jimin stops when he is in front of Taehyung’s room. He touches the doorknob, hesitating to turn it. In the end he does.

“___?” Taehyung’s voice is small and weak in sleep. 

“She’s not here.”

“Jimin? You are back? I, I thought you left”, Taehyung sits up and locks eyes with Jimin. Despite the darkness surrounding them, they can see each other clearly. The darkness never bothered them anyways.

“No, I’m back. I just left to think for a while.”

“I see. What are you doing here?” Taehyung asks, “are you here for sex? Please just give me a moment to find my strength.”

Jimin feels a twinge of guilt in his chest for he finally sees his own faults. He really treated Taehyung as nothing more than his willing sexdoll, didn’t he?

“I’m not here for sex. I was wondering if I could sleep here with you tonight”, he answers him, watching how Taehyung is struggling for words.

“S-sure”, he stutters out in the end, pulling the blanket to his chest in nervousness.

Jimin rids himself of his clothes until only his briefs are covering him. Taehyung looks at his bared body then at his face. There was unsure curiosity in his eyes, but also fear.

Jimin can see it so clearly now and it hurts him because he sees so much of himself in Taehyung’s eyes. Oh it hurts even more because while Namjoon never promised Jimin love, he did. He promised Taehyung love and yet Taehyung still looks at him with the same fear Jimin felt when Namjoon would undress in front of him.

“Open the blanket”, Jimin says, “you are not hogging all of it.”

Taehyung does so willingly but with nervousness in his scent.

Jimin lies down on the right side of Taehyung’s pillow and after a second of hesitation Taehyung places his head on its left side. He is gawking at him with his balled fists pressed to his chest.

Jimin reaches out and cups Taehyung’s cheek, aching when this makes the latter flinch.

“Can you remember the last time we fell asleep together naked?” he asks him.

“No”, Taehyung whispers.

“I can. It was after the hunt we went on and we shared a bath and drank wine and talked about the play you were planning on writing”, Jimin caresses Taehyung’s cheek, “and then we talked in bed for hours without bothering to get dressed. We talked until we fell asleep.”

“You remember?” Taehyung whispers.

Jimin nods his head, “the twenty ninth of December 1765, it snowed so much the next day and you insisted on staying in bed. It was your birthday that day and I gave you new paints. Remember?”

Taehyung opens his balled fists, placing his relaxed hands on the pillow between their faces. He nods his head with his lower lip trembling sadly.

“I think of those days a lot. Sometimes when Namjoon hurt me, I turned my consciousness off and lost myself in the memory of them. I didn’t mind the pain then”, Jimin confesses, “they’re the only detailed memories I have. Next to the one of our days on the farm.”

“Why are you telling me all of this?” Taehyung’s voice is barely audible.

“Because”, Jimin scoots closer, making Taehyung’s breath hitch, “I have never loved someone as deeply as I love you, Taehyung”, he says in a language the two vampires haven’t spoken in centuries. Jimin thought that he had already forgotten it, but he was wrong. It came so easy to him now that he can talk to Taehyung.

“Oh”, Taehyung gets out and sobs. He trembles as he sobs, contorting his face into a grimace of painful relief.

Jimin pulls him close, kissing his forehead before letting him hide his face in his chest.

“I love you too, Jimin”, Taehyung answers him in their mother language. He sobs afterwards. He sobs and sobs and sobs.

And Jimin pulls him as close as possible. He feels guilty for Taehyung should have never been pushed so low that confessions of love make him cry so miserably. But he also feels happy for he realises that hugging Taehyung feels like paradise.

He feels his own tears roll down his cheeks just seconds later. He realised that you were right. He is safe from Namjoon and he can finally be tender to Taehyung. He felt like crying in relief afterwards and so he did and Taehyung kissed him and held him and cried with him until they fell asleep in each others’ arms.

Jimin has no trouble falling asleep. He holds Taehyung and Taehyung holds him and all those demons lurking in the shadows can’t hurt him anymore.

[otterlyotterott]

i hate

how people seem to think snowfall's character development is unearned because it was done through magic like??????? do you discount any changes the characters go through in like, Groundhog Day or Freaky Friday or Your Name???? or ESCAPING PERIL???? the empathy magic is the whole concept of the book

"snowfall was forced to go through her arc" "snowfall changed so suddenly" "snowfall's an entire other character by the end" like, as if her whole personality is tied to her paranoia and racism

her fuckin mom even sits there at the end and is like "snowfall will be a good queen because she's fierce and she'll fight for her people" and YOU CAN CLEARLY SEE HOW SHE'S DONE THAT WHEN YOU LOOK BACK AT THE BOOK

She FIGHTS for the queens to save Pantala, she very adeptly figures out that she can use her power to convince Wren to help out,

Lynx is there the whole time watching Snowfall and believing in her, because neither Lynx nor Glacier ever saw Snowfall's flaws first, they saw her PASSION, her VIGOR, and she has SO MUCH OF IT

THAT is who Snowfall is. She starts her book off channeling her inner fire in a bad way (yelling at her subjects and guards, hating herself, distancing herself from Mink, refusing to help the Pantalans) and through her trials and tribulations, she realizes the ways in which she is wrong and by the end of the book, is using that inner fire, that passion, that burning core in her heart to do good for the world—she smashes the ice wall, she tells Tundra to fuck off, she starts being a better sister to Mink, she becomes, in Lynx's words, THE BEST QUEEN EVER

And imo kind of outclasses Sundew's entire arc in that way—I love Sundew and I think she's a good character but if we're talking about a CLASSIC, CLASSIC, CLASSIC CHARACTER ARC, Snowfall is one of the only WoF protagonists who starts off being COMPLETELY WRONG and then makes mistakes and then, by the end of the book, is changed for the better

Maybe that's why she feels so shocking to WoF readers? Starflight is the only one out of the OG 5 to have a similar trajectory, and in arc 2 you only really have like, Winter and Peril, but even then they had some POINTS

but that's beside my main point

which is her agency ISN'T taken away by the ring. she PUTS THE RING ON IN THE FIRST PLACE. the whole book is a result of her dealing with the consequences of that choice. the scavengers are important not only to bridge Dragonslayer and Flames of Hope but because it's one of the last steps for her to take as a queen. she understands that dragons need help. she then is made to understand something that no other Pyrrhian understands—that humans have emotions and feelings and thoughts, that they deserve dignity—and she believes it, and her being a trailblazer in that way is important. her empathy has evolved to a point where she can now conceive of things that other people can't. and THEN she's shown why the magic that could solve everything is gone forever, and she UNDERSTANDS why Boa did what she did, and she isn't bitter. and THAT is the last step in her transformation. thinking that "maybe Jerboa missed Glacier as much as she did" is genuinely huge, and not even not just for Snowfall. Snowfall is grieving and for her heart to have grown so large isn't some sort of unrealistic transformation. You need to be REALLY BRAVE AND STRONG to acknowledge that you're not the only person in the world hurting when you suffer something like that. That final vision that Snowfall gets doesn't make your eyes misty because Snowfall finally receives validation—it's emotional because at that point in the story you realize that Glacier was right about her daughter the whole time, that Snowfall had worth without this, that Snowfall had the potential in her to be an amazing queen without ever knowing that Glacier had thought these things. It's not Snowfall hearing Glacier's thoughts about how she'll be a good queen and asking "I can be?", it's Snowfall saying, "Maybe I am. Yeah. I'm glad you agree." AND WITH THAT WE UNDERSTAND THAT HER SELF-ASSUREDNESS IS STILL THERE, THAT THE SAME DRAGON WHO SAID THE WAS GOING TO BE THE VERY BEST QUEEN OF THE ICEWINGS EVER ON THE FIRST PAGE OF THE BOOK, IS STILL WITH US, BUT IS NOW EVOLVED INTO THE PERSON THAT SHE HAS TO BE IN ORDER TO MAKE HER SELF-CONDFIDENT STATEMENTS TRUE

I don't know. I think Book 14 is Snowfall all the way down. She's still a little Princessy, still very type-A, still a perfectionist and a total showoff at the end of The Dangerous Gift. It just kind of burns me up for people to think that the Snowfalls at either end of the book are irreconcilably different. I hate the idea that a character as deeply flawed as Snowfall would have to retain some kind of bitterness or hate or rage in her in order to be recognizable.

OR EVEN that she should've been sadder or gone through more shit! like! i think it maybe would have been a bit gratuitous. i think exploring trauma is a really valuable topic to have in a book, especially in YA and MG novels, and that maybe one or two more scenes of Tui digging into that would be nice, but Snowfall is a queen. She should be grieving her mother and doing her best to deprogram her rage and egomania linked to her experiences with the war and with Darkstalker and growing up in a supremacist culture, but the book is about learning the weight of responsibility and accountability more than anything. Having Snowfall fuck up, get faced with the full brunt of what her ignorance is making her blind to, and doing her best to fix everything wrong and make the world a better place and to fight for what is good and right, is the most important thing to showcase.

tldr best queen ever to be honest, Queen Snowfall has a place in my heart forever

Tui's best character writing lies in her

[ppeasants]

I've been working on the final chapter of my Wind-centric fic, 'Fish Out of Water,' and I wanted to post a WIP of my current progress. I've been having some trouble wording this final chapter, but I managed to get this out, and I wanted to post it so y'all could let me know if it's any good!

To give some context for the story (which if you haven't read it yet you can find it here), Wind has been feeling isolated from the other members of The Chain due to his differences from them. He's tried to connect, but it hasn't really worked, save for Sky, who he found companionship with.

However, Wind and Sky recently got into a huge argument, causing a huge rift between them, and between that and various other incidents, Wind has decided to leave the group when they arrive in his world. It's been weeks of Wind being sad and unresponsive, worrying everyone.

They've arrived in the Great Sea, and he calls Tetra to pick them up and drop the others off at Windfall. Wind is happier than he's been in weeks, which they notice, and Wind decides to fake his happiness for one more day, so he can leave them without them knowing. Tetra picks them up, and they go sailing.

This is half a combat scene, half a heavy dialogue scene. I am not used to writing combat scenes, and considering this is a big emotional moment, I wanted to do this section justice. It is pretty angsty, so fair warning. Please let me know if it's good, if the action flows well, or if everything makes sense!

(The Queensguard is the name I gave Tetra's ship, and The Red Knight is the name I gave the King of Red Lions without the king's soul in it).

“Captain!” Zuko yells from the crow’s nest. “Big Octo off th’ starboard side!” Tetra tsks and pulls out her spyglass, turning towards the cluster of seagulls to her right. She tosses the telescope to Wind before he can pull his own out, and almost fumbles it before catching it, groaning and muttering something about Tingle Island as he spots the birds.

Four and Warriors look at the two in confusion as they step away from the wheel “What’s a Big Octo?” Warriors asks. “Is that like an Octorok?”

“Yeah, somethin’ like that!” Wind calls out over his shoulder, untying a rope attached to a small boat as Tetra leaves to direct her crew. “Big doesn’t mean rowboat sized, by the way. Big means larger-than-this-ship sized. With many tentacles and double as many eyes all which drag any ship down to Hy- to the depths.”

“So, what are we gonna do?” Four asks, turning towards Time. 

Wind scowls at being ignored in his own world. “We aren’t going to do anything,” Wind interrupts in a harsh voice. “I am going to sail over there and take it out.” He finishes untying the knot and is about to walk away when Twilight grabs his arm.

“What do you mean by that?” The rancher is holding his wrist tightly as Wind looks up at him defiantly. “There’s no way that we’re gonna let you fight this thing.”

“Why? Is it because I’m too young? Too inexperienced? Too fragile?” Wind yanks his arm out of Twilight’s grips and jabs his finger into Twilight’s chest. “Because the last time I checked, I’m the only one who knows how to kill this beast. I’m the only one who knows how to navigate these water. I’m the only one who knows how to throw a boomerang in a boat without tipping over.

And I’m sure as hell the only one who can fit in the Red Knight.”

Wind walks away from the group, with Twilight’s retort getting stopped on his tongue by Time putting a hand on his shoulder. “Okay sailor, this is your world. we’ll defer to you.” Wind turns, a look of shock in his face, like he never expected to be acknowledged by his former hero. “But, if anything goes wrong, you will call Wild on the slate. We’ll support you however we can from here.”

Wind gives a nod, and jumps over the railing into a small red dinghy with a figurehead of a lion frozen in the middle of a roar. “Tetra!” He calls out to his captain. “Lower the ship!”

Tetra gives a salute and a smile, and cuts one last rope, which drops the sailor’s dinghy right into the ocean. There’s a pause before a chime sounds, and the breeze changes direction and The Red Knight sails towards its target.

Tetra directs the crew, turning her ship to follow behind Wind as the rest of The Chain are standing in worry on the bow. Legend and Hyrule are still down in the lower deck, but the others have gathered beside a pacing Twilight.

Before anyone can say anything to offer comfort or assurance, a gigantic Octorok springs up from the Great Sea, bringing with it a giant whirlpool that threatens to swallow the entire ocean. The heroes gasp as Wind’s ship gets caught in the swirling water, but instead of sinking, he lowers his sail and rides the whirlpool.

He raises his boomerang, aims, and throws, launching it directly into 5 of the eyes on its back, causing it to screech and flail, tentacles crashing into the ocean, creating waves that nearly tip The Red Knight over. Wind just tightens his grip and grimaces as the kraken recovers much faster than he’s used to.

The sailor swears under his breath and kicks the deck of his boat, raising his cannon and pulling back to dodge a wave before firing a bomb right in the middle of its face. The monster lets out a terrible roar, and where at first its eyes are unfocused, looking at every movement across the ocean, it now turns all of its eyes to the young sailor, black blood slowly dripping from its fresh injury.

“...fuckin’ Zephos.” Wind mutters to himself, before pulling out his Gossip Stone. “Wild! This one’s got black blood!” He yells into the stone, ducking to avoid a tentacle that nearly takes his head clean off. “I got an idea! Tell Tetra to approach in range of the Big Octo! When I give the signal, I need you all to shoot at this thing’s eyes with as many arrows as you can!”

“What about my ship?!” Tetra yells over Wild’s shoulder into the slate.

“Don’t worry! I’ll make sure y’all’re safe!” Tetra can feel his grin through the slate, but before she can reprimand him he hangs up the call and shoots another bomb. Tetra drags her hand across her face before turning back to the crew.

“You heard him! Bring the ship in range! And you!” She whips around, pointing a finger at The Chain. “Make sure you don’t miss.”

It takes another trip around the whirlpool for Wind before The Queensguard finally gets in range, the other heroes drawing their bows as the pirate shooting bombs and narrowly dodging swipes the entire time. Wind has wound a rope around his arm, tied to the till to secure himself and steer with one hand while he mans the cannon with the other. He yells to hold their arrows until he gets to the opposite side of the Big Octo, so its attention can be divided between two vessels.

Just as he fires another bomb at the beast, right before he gets out of sight of Tetra’s vessel, it raises a tentacle and catches it mid-flight. Wind could swear it gives him a smirk before it throws the bomb back where it came from. Wind only has a second to react, pulling hard on the rope, causing the rope to rip into his flesh as he narrowly manages to turn out of the way of a direct hit, but he can’t avoid the oncoming wave, as the ship turns over and capsizes, dragging him under the water.

“LINK!!!” Tetra calls out as the young hero disappears behind the Big Octo, a similar cacophony coming from all sides of her ship, her crew and the heroes wailing like the breeze for the little sailor.

No response comes, however, as Tetra grips the railing of her ship so hard her knuckles turn while, a stark contrast to the blood seeping out of the kraken, who has now turned all of its attention towards The Queensguard. She braces herself for the impact of it’s outstretched tentacle, when –

*BOOM*

– a loud noise comes from behind the beast, a harsh screech erupting from its mouth as it twists around. A second passes before Wind appears on the other side of the Big Octo, still riding the whirlpool, standing atop his now overturned ship, the cut rope hanging loosely from his wrist, holding a bomb in his free hand with the bomb bag open beside him.

“NOW! FIRE!” Wind shouts as he throws the bomb at the Octo’s back, causing it to thrash and focus its gaze on the little hero. Before it can even finish turning around, however, a volley of arrows fly out from The Queensguard, slamming into the kraken’s thick skin and finding purchase in its eyes. 

The Octorok flails around, unable to find a target between its seared flesh and punctured eyeballs, black blood staining the ocean like oil, before a burst of light pierces its body and sails into the clouds, as the creature finally stops moving and flops into the sea, exploding in a burst of dark purple smoke.

Tetra looks on alongside The Chain, shocked and concerned, as Wind falls to one knee, dropping his bow as the magic used for the Light Arrow takes its toll. He thinks he can hear the others call his name, but he barely registers them as he allows his muscle memory to kick in, moving solely on autopilot as he jumps in the water to right his ship, all adrenaline leaving his body as he barely manages to climb in. He flops tiredly on to the tiny deck of his boat, heaving out tired breaths as he waits to get picked up by his captain.

It takes a while for The Queensguard to float beside the Red Knight, the large vessel moving with much less finesse as its miniature counterpart, the help that the first mate usually gives in aligning the two ships noticeably missing. When they finally get in position to reattach Wind’s ship to Tetra’s, the sailor is standing up, still tired, but still able to tie connecting ropes to his ship before they pull him up above the railing.

Warriors and Time catch Wind as he stumbles over the railings, with Hyrule offering red potions and healing magic, having come above deck with Legend during the skirmish, the latter still standing in the doorway.

It takes a few minutes, and a potion, before Wind can stand on his own, but he does manage it eventually. The crew are congratulating him on his victory, which Wind returns with sheepish smiles. The Chain are doing so, as well, but they are a lot more subdued in their praise, their worry seeping through the words.

All, except for Twilight, who is still pacing back and forth along the deck, nearly burning a hole through the wood. Wind raises his head and meets his gaze, which is enough of an invitation for Twilight to stomp towards the sailor, his expression darkening. Wind subconsciously takes a step back as Twilight looms over him.

“What were you thinking?!” Wind flinches at the rancher’s near-shout. “It was extremely dangerous to go alone! You could’ve gotten hurt! You could’ve drowned!”

“B-but I didn’t drown.” Wind stammers out, looking down in surprise at Twilight’s outburst. “I’m fine now.”

“That doesn’t make it okay! You shouldn’t have been out there!” Twilight glares down at Wind, almost as if he’s scolding one of the village kids. “You should’ve let one of us handle it.”

“Should’ve let – what?” Wind looks back up at Twilight , confused. “I couldn’t have let one of you handle it. I’m the only one who could have went out there.”

“No you’re not!” Twilight’s voice picks up in volume even more, his stress overtaking his common sense. “One of us could’ve sailed around.”

“But you couldn’t have. I’m the only one who knows how to sail a ship like that” Wind is searching Twilight’s face, wondering where these questions are coming from “And if one of you did know, you don’t know how to ride the whirlpools to survive. And none of you now how those Big Octo work!”

“Then you should’ve stayed here, let this ship approached with everyone!”

“That would’ve been so much worse!” Wind is getting louder, too. If the rest of The Chain and Tetra’s Crew weren’t paying attention before, they certainly are now. “Even we all shot at once, there’s no way we would’ve killed that beast before it counter \attacked, and it definitely would’ve sunk us all.”

“We’re heroes!” Twilight is slightly quieter now, his common sense returning, although his worry is still causing him to yell. “We’re fine taking that risk!” 

“It’s not your ship to make that call!” Wind is definitely yelling now, having gotten louder than Twilight at this point. “It’s Tetra’s! I’m not putting her, and her crew, and The Queensguard at risk! And if this ship broke, we definitely would’ve died. There’s no way we’d survive long enough in this ocean with no ship!

“And what do you mean you’ll take that risk?” Wind questions, with Twilight’s words having finally caught up to him. “Am I not a hero too? Can I not take that risk too?”

“NO! You can’t! Because you’re still a KID!”

Twilight’s statement hangs in the air as every stands still; even the breeze quiets as Wind just stares at Twilight, his face slowly morphing into one of anger, as Twilight dons a look of regret.

“So that’s what this is about. Of course.” Twilight flinches at Wind’s dark tone, although his voice is barely above a whisper. “Don’t trust the child to make any decisions, even if he’s the only one who knows how to actually deal with these monsters. No, he’s just a dumb little kid!”

“Why can’t you just fucking trust me!” Wind is definitely yelling now, gesticulating wildly and walking forwards, as Twilight now takes a step back. “It’s our rule to defer to the Link whose world it is! But you just couldn’t do that with me! ‘Cause I’m just a fucking kid! Your head is so far up your fucking asshole that you can see you food digest in real time! Maybe if –”

“ENOUGH.” Time’s voice rings out across the ship, quieting the two heroes. Twi’, go and cool off.”

The oldest turns to the youngest, putting a hand on his shoulder as Twilight turns away. “Wind, you know Twilight was just worried. You need to watch your language and apologize to him.” Wind stiffens at the reprimand, and just as Time is satisfied and begins to turn away, Wind answers back.

“No."

Time stops in his tracks, his face draining of all emotion as he looks Wind in the eyes. "What did you say?"

"Did you not hear me?" Wind says angrily as he knocks Time's hand off his shoulder. "Are your ears too full of seawater after being on a ship for only three hours? Are you that old? Or are you just that stupid?"

"Wind, stop it." Four answers from behind the sailor. "That's going too far."

"Shut your fuckin' mouth, shortie. You're no better than them." Wind whips around, pointing a finger at Four who stills at the insult. "You went to ask Time about how to kill the Octo, even though we're in my world, and facing one of my monsters.

"Okay, that's enough Wind. Let's just calm down." Hyrule goes to pat Wind's arm, but the young hero turns and grabs him tightly, dragging him down with a pained yelp.

"If you try to touch me again, I will break your fucking wrist." Wind harshly drops Hyrule's wrist, who hisses in pain as he rubs his already fractured wrist.

Everyone is stunned into silence, Tetra and her crew watching on in muted horror, the breeze picking up in speed, almost as if it's responding to its namesake's anger. Wind takes a deep breath as he speaks up once more.

"I'm done.”

“I’m just done. I’m just fucking done.” Wind’s voice echoes across the vessel even as the breeze kicks up around them. “I am done pretending to be cordial, pretending to be your little brother, pretending to be okay. I thought I could fake this until we got to Windfall, but I couldn’t even manage that.”

“I am done taking your disrespect of my world, of my journey, of ME.” Wind’s words are getting frantic, eyes darting to glare at every member of The Chain, each one standing slack-jawed.

“I am done having my experience disregarded just because I’m a kid. I mean, you all know that I’ve been on more journeys than half of you, right? Yet somehow, you still see me as lesser, treat me as lesser. Jumping in front of blows I could have dodged, berating my strategies, and complaining when I FINALLY get to take charge in a fight! All because, what, I’m below some arbitrary age limit to be a hero? Fuck that!”

“Whenever I talked to you about my shit, you just ignored me!” His voice pierces the heroes’ hearts more than the gale whipping around them. “You’d look at me with pity, like a dumb child whenever I asked about things I didn’t know, while talking to each other about things that you all understood! Whenever I tried to do that, you’d say you didn’t know, and brush me off!”

Wind turns to point at Sky, who cowers under the attention. “And the only person who I THOUGHT would understand me fucking HATES me now!” Wind is shouting, now, his words carrying even over the burgeoning storm and crashing waves.

“You all thought you were protecting me, but all you did was HURT me! EVERY time, you were only HURTING ME! You all are too stuck in your own trauma to see you’re not the only one hurting! I’ve already been through my shit, you weren’t PROTECTING me from ANYTHING! All you did was isolate me!!”

Wind’s voice quiets ever so slightly, but the breeze only gets stronger, everyone straining their ears to hear the sailor. “I don’t belong here, with you guys. You all made it more than clear enough. It’s fine though, I don’t want to be with you guys either.”

“Like I said, I’m done. I’m leaving.”

Wind looks down at the deck, tears forming in his eyes as he stands there, naively waiting for someone to say something, one last spark of hope, that someone might convince him to stay. Maybe he would listen.

But they don’t say anything.

If Wind looked up, he would see the panic, the fear, the sadness in their expressions, and maybe he would think twice about his words. Maybe he would understand how much they care for him, how much they need him, not because he’s a capable hero, but because he’s their brother.

Maybe, if one of the heroes spoke up, they would tell him that he isn’t alone. That they understand what it's like to be isolated, for their young age, for their status; from their homes, from their loved ones, from their worlds.

If Wind looked up, maybe somebody would be spurred into action, someone would say something, anything to apologize, to get him to stay, and he would listen.

Instead, all they give him is silence, and all Wind hears is acceptance.

“Right. Of course.” Wind sniffles. “When we get to Windfall, we’re dropping you off, and you can all go continue your blasted fucking quest, and I’ll finally leave you guys behind. I’ll finally stay home.”

“This is good-bye. Hopefully forever.”

Wind runs below deck, shoving Legend out of the way and slamming the door behind him, the sound of the old wood and heavy breeze shaking the ship, knocking The Chain out of their minds and into the present, where they finally realize what just happened.

Wind is gone.

(I promise there will be a happy ending, but that will come at the ending!)

[kalgalen]

Open letter to my mother

(or, a rebuttal to the 1k email my mom sent me about my upcoming transition. Tw: transphobia, self-harm)

First, and I say this will all the love in the word (and an healthy dose of disbelief): what the fuck is wrong with cis people?

I'm gonna skip right over the fact that you had the gall to call this a "text analysis" when you actually dedicated only one paragraph to actually describing the text I got published and used the rest to utterly dismiss my community and I. That disappointment, though, is nothing compared to the anger and grief that the rest of your email has awaken in me.

You talk about respect, but you refuse to respect my decision to make my own body more comfortable to me. Worse than that, you disrespect my friends by deciding you get to be the judge determining who conforms to your outdated ideas on gender enough to be allowed to transition. How dare you?

Speaking of daring, how dare you imply that we, the LGBTQIA community, need to be more tolerant and inclusive of people who don't understand us? Do you realize that in many cases it means they want our death? You're a white woman. You've never had to deal with a huge portion of the population wanting you to stop existing, or at least to stop "putting your identity in everyone's faces" - aka, essentially, to (hope you guessed it) stop existing. I'm not asking for understanding from every single old crusty conservative guy, just that they leave us the fuck alone.

You make wild assumptions about me in your email. Do you really think my therapist helped me accept myself? I only came out to her last year when I decided to medically transition, because I was finally confident in my ability to make that choice. We had never talked about gender before. Why would you want to take that away from me? Why would that "self-respect" you're talking about entail me going back on my steps? Why can't it be about me embracing my identity, making my body mine in a way that doesn't involve self-harming?

On that subject, you've never shown concern when I was cutting into my arms on the daily. You acknowledged it, sure, but what did you do except demand that I stop? You have no right to criticize my choice of changing my body. You lost it long ago.

You encouraged me to get a breast reduction last year when I started the process of wanting to transition. You still thought I was cis then, but since it was a surgery for cis people, it was fine and dandy. Now that I want to cut it all off so I don't have to deal with binders anymore (which are indeed quite dangerous for the person wearing them, not to mention uncomfortable) you believe you can go against that. You have to see how irrational that is.

You talk about detransitioners but I'm willing to bet you haven't done more research past "some people regret transitioning." Do you know most people stop transitioning because of transphobia? You, cis people, are killing us one way or another.

Why do you fucking think you can explain gender to me. "We all have a part of masculinity and femininity inside of us" yeah no kidding?? You're telling that to a nonbinary person, that's the whole concept (although not only - but I won't get into it since it'll just confuse you more.) You dare "explaining" to me what androgynity is and why it would "fit me more". You think your couple of hours of half-assed research are enough to compare with my lived experience? With my discussions with like-minded people? With decades of self-determination by a community that is older than you? Also fuck you for implying I've only decided to call myself nonbinary because it's "fun". You don't know anything.

You ask me if sexuality is involved in choosing a gender - and it might be for some but newsflash, trans gay people exist. Additionally, I am asexual - not that you bothered to do research about that. "Before loving a sex we love a way to be, a philosophy, a way to think" fuck off I've known that since I was old enough to fall in love.

Anyways. You'll never read this, because you would only think I'm throwing a tantrum - because you're so sure you're right, and not ready to listen. Whatever, I don't give a shit. I will try and answer your concerns later when I'm not so pissed off, but for the moment I cannot help you.

Lovingly, your child.

[lexsang]

Two parter, When you find yourself in a moment of feeling triggered (can’t think of a better word) whether it’s from seeing blood firsthand or dealing with an intrusive thought you may be having - how do you walk yourself back from those feelings that come up? Is there anything you say or do in particular to calm down? I struggle with coming back down from the ledge. It can take a whole day or more for me to snap out of it.

Not sure how to articulate this, but sometimes I find myself almost relishing in those feelings of craving blood, though it also feels a little wrong. Have you ever found yourself deep down enjoying the feeling? Even though at the exact same time, it can be miserable and debilitating.

The whole thing is complex. Confusing. All I know is what feels right inside. I am interested to know your thoughts on the matter. Thank you for being so open!

When dealing with bloodlust, especially in situations where there is something that triggers it, the first thing you should do is remove yourself from the situation (if you can, I was working as a cashier when I was younger and was hit by the smell of blood and couldn't in that moment). Secondly, though this may take practice, and you should practice outside of the moment where you need it, learning to center yourself is a huge help.

In any stressful situation, stepping back and focusing on your breath and re-centering helps lets you pull yourself out of whatever direction a strong emotion, bloodlust in this case, has sent you in. I'd suggest with starting with learning box breathing if your cravings are really getting the best of you. Box breathing is very simple, just breathe in slowly over 4 seconds, hold it in for 4 seconds, breathe out slowly over 4 seconds, hold your breath out for 4 seconds, and repeat.

The carnal feeling of bloodlust isn't just a sudden moment that we have to recover from though, it can hold on for a while, and part of that is the feedback loop that comes with the thoughts and feelings attached to it. At least in my case, the feeling of watering at the mouth is a big part of the more intense ones, and that feeling intensifies my cravings since it adds a tactile element to the imagery that plays in my mind. Like water, our minds in this circumstance follow the path of least resistance if we don't make an active decision to change the flow of thoughts, hence the first step being removing yourself from the situation.

Expecting this heightened state to dissipate without expressing it in some way generally takes a while. Many people have certain foods they use as substitutes, to mimic the feeling of feeding, but just getting the energy out in a healthy way can work too. I have a super cheap notebook that I scribble in if I ever feel like an emotion is 'stuck' and I need to get it out, if that makes sense. Whether it's just shaking your arms around a little, or going on a run if you have the time to, any effort to physically express that feeling, again in a healthy way, tends to work wonders.

As far as enjoying the feeling of bloodlust, I do, and always have. However, it isn't always that easy for vamps to accept the hunger as a part of themselves. In a recent post, I mentioned the term 'the beast', which is one of the most common terms used to describe the violent urges that come with blood cravings. The issue with this term though, is that it personifies those cravings, allowing the vamp to put the 'blame' for them on something outside of themselves, and see them as negative. Just as you get hungry when you need to eat, or might crave junk food when you are upset, the bloodlust is a reminded to feed for vampires. It takes practice, but you can slowly start acknowledging it as that, and it will help remove some of the intensity from it since you know the purpose of that feeling.

And finally, if you are uncomfortable with that feeling, and even pushing it down, that might be a part of why it comes up with so much intensity. Whether with a blood substitute, or just via imagination, it's fine to let yourself just sit and experience those feelings in their fullness from time to time. Almost like giving time to be quiet and listen to your bloodlust. If you do enjoy those feelings, becoming more accustomed to them gives you more experience when you find yourself in situations where you might have to control them, and there's nothing wrong with enjoying them when they come up. But like with any indulgence, the main focus should be learning control. With that said, no part of enjoying bloodlust involves losing control when other people are involved. Your bloodlust is a feeling, and ultimately not in control of your body, you are. It takes time to become accustomed to, and we all slowly learn to work with it. You're already doing the right thing just by trying.

[shenanigans-and-imagines]

PuhLEASE give more info about the leddie proposal!!!!!! It sounds adorable already I need it

Ask and ye shall receive

Okay, background time first

Lucy and Eddie have been together for about seven to eight years at this point

They're happy, with each of them pursuing their own goals; Lucy in theater and Eddie with Corroded Coffin

They've talked about getting married from time to time, but always with the caveat of "some day"

For Lucy being married means settling down and kids and a mortgage and all that stuff, and she's not sure if she's ready for that and neither is Eddie

Eddie meanwhile has considered it, but doesn't want to push it. He knows from experience that getting married doesn’t mean sticking together. It feels like it’d be one step to far. That would be the moment his luck runs out and everything goes to shit.

So they're living their lives and finally their careers are picking up

Eddie has gone on tour a few times while Lucy has been rising in Chicago theater

This does mean they don't see each other as often, but as strained as it is, they're making it work, until Eddie gets a huge opportunity

Corroded Coffin opened for another bigger band and they liked them so much they offered for all of them to go to LA and record together (with possibly more to come)

Eddie is ecstatic, but Lucy asks him what she's supposed to do

Eddie is surprised and tells her that she can come meet them in LA when the tour is done

Lucy argues that she can't, she's got her own career and she can't go following him around the whole country and put her life on hold

She then tells him she got her own offer to go to New York and get a real shot at Broadway

Eddie shoots back with what the hell he's expected to do arguing that he followed her to Chicago with no real plan of his own, but now that he has something Lucy won't return the favor

Lucy then argues that she's been running in place while Eddie has been pursuing his dream and that if she doesn't go now, she'll never get another shot

They go back and forth, both of them acknowledging they don't want to hold the other back and eventually landing that maybe it's better if they just...took a break and see what happens

Neither is fully happy, but they convince themselves it's what the other wants

It takes them about six months to get their heads out of their asses

Eddie reaches out first basically telling Lucy that he misses her like crazy and he doesn't care where he is as long as he's with her

Lucy immediately breaks tell him she misses him too, New York wasn't what it was cracked up to be and she'll get on the first plane out to LA if that means being with him

Eddie cuts her off and tells her LA sucks and he wants to go home to Chicago, the rest of the guys miss home and fuck, he just want to go home and see his girl

They end the phone call, each of them promising to cancel their leases first thing in the morning

The second the line goes dead Eddie immediately jumps up with his first though being "I need to buy a ring"

The next morning he does as he promised and cancels his lease before going out and buying a ring that same day

It takes about another month to get organize, secure jobs, coordinate to get a new place in Chicago and all the other stuff that goes into moving all while

Finally they get their flights booked which should be landing around the same time

Eddie is bouncing in his seat the entire time while the ring burns in his back pocket

The plane lands, he makes it down to the baggage claim, his nerves only increasing; yeah they talked on the phone but what if in person something is off?

But once he sees her, all that goes away

Lucy spots him and immediately runs into his arms with absolutely no hesitation

They kiss, pulling all the tension out of his body

He's not sure what part of him is thinking when he says, "Fuck Lucy, marry me"

It's only when she pulls back with a confused expression does he realize what he said

He tries to back track saying, "shit, shit, I meant…who am I kidding that is what I meant. But I didn’t mean to say it now. I had this whole thing planned out"

Lucy can only smile before saying, "well you already started, might as well keep going"

Eddie grins and then getting down on one knee proposes right on the spot

Lucy says yes and it's honestly a miracle the two of them made it out of their airport remembering their bags, let alone their clothes