#i am emo but only spiritually

[criesincomicsans]

pov: ppl you admire notice you exist

i regret to inform you that you have earned an evil boop

(this is a joke. i’m actually a rly big fan of your work. keep it up.)

>:0 !!!!!!!!!!

[arrenlebanen777]

ASTRO OBSERVATIONS 111

"everything can be transcended" ✨Sun Scorpio in 5th house: is very dramatic, intense, all or nothing, usually when they where kids they likes to listen metal or very intense music like "gojira" or emo like "placebo", high libido, they love making dark and mysterious art like movie scores, dramatic acting, techno, art that involves chaos, eroticism or s*xuality too. ✨Chiron in our natal chart can be treated a lot and that's when it becomes a healer, but if it's not treated it's just pain. ✨Sun scorpio in Aries degrees(1, 13, 25):  not the mysterious type of scorpio, but rather raw, blunt, and feisty (sometimes quite impatient). ✨Sun square NN: Problems with ego and soul, It is recommended to do spiritual practices here that allow to tame (dominate/transcend) the ego, because the ego here can play a rather hindering role in the evolution of the individual because doesn't want to disappear: fear of letting go, attachment, immature rebelliousness. ✨Pluto conjunct Chiron generation(s): have problems with real self love, because they try to love themselves first without knowing themselves, which generates quite arrogant, immature, lack of integrity and demanding people/personalities (crystal generation). ✨Mars square Moon: explosive anger(like bakugo's type), very fiery, hot, extremely passionate, mood swings, they have to learn to channel that strong energy by doing something physical like running, yoga, exercise, swimming, martial arts, and at the same time connect them with their emotions otherwise that energy can go to extremes such as violence, anguish or overindulgence. ✨Mars opposite Part of Fortune: Gives Mars in Aries type of behavior. +18 ✨Mars aspecting Saturn: Here I am going to share something intimate and an easter egg(for men): I know that this position could indicate small d*ck, but there are so many natural ways/exercises to make it grow bigger that if you do them in a saturnian way (this means with discipline, effort, persistence and persevering) you will be "rewarded" For example in my case(mars trine saturn): A few years ago I had it 5 inches and now I have it almost 8 inches. So everything is possible. ✨Mars in Taurus or Taurus degrees(2, 14, 26): could suffer from premature ejaculation(P.E). They might overload any of their 5 senses during s*x just to increase s*nsual pl*asure... Since 5 senses here are so strong, they have to learn to manage/channel their s*xual energy throughout their whole body, mind and spirit so that the energy is not only concentrated in the g*nital area, which is what causes premature ej*culation. If they do this, they can become very good in bed and even last a long time satisfying each of the 5 senses of their partner and of him at the same time in the encounter. ✨Mars in Aries or Aries degrees(1, 13, 25): Something similar happens with Mars in Taurus but instead here the problem is quickness and selfishness, which could cause s*x to be short and fast, although they are very hot and intense so here the time does not matter but the intensity of the encounter is what satisfies them. Here they are like the partner who likes rough s*x, quickies and if they set their minds to it, they can last a long time since they have a lot of energy/stamina. ✨Mars in leo but in cancer degrees(4, 16, 28): have mommy issues, is very k*nky, childish, they are quite comfortable to be around since they have a dominating aura but in a very maternal way, its like very protective energy, they could be very lazy, they have a lot of drive but they will start only if they feel like it(cancer influence), much of his drive goes to things that give him comfort and nurture him. ✨I have seen that much of what our mars and venus desire s*xually it is very superficial since they make up our personality and ego. And if you want to see what it is that you s*xually desire most deeply, look at your 8th house, even if it is empty, that can say a lot too. Since the 8th house represents our hidden side, it also represents our intimacy at soul level (that's the deep side of scorpio) like all water houses. So in the periods of life where you follow the s*xual desires of your Mars and Venus and you feel empty, remember that they will only fill your ego/persona which always leaves a feeling of emptiness inside that unconsciously makes you go for more, because the ego can never be filled. If you really want to have your s*xual life on another level, in a higher vibration, more spiritual, more transcendental, more healing, more nutritious and full, look at your water houses (4th house, 8th house, and 12th house) or where you have Cancer, Scorpio and Pisces in your chart since s*xuality(sacral chakra) is the water element of our human bodies.

[kirbles]

assigning crocs to the BG3 origins/companions

astarion: christian cowan x crocs he'd never fucking wear crocs and i think he would kill me in any attempt to ask but if i am going to force them onto his feet they may as well be designer. he would look good in these imo!

lae'zel: roa x crocs these crocs are designed specifically for hiking. not only does bae'zel favour function over fashion, but these crocs also kinda look like her LMFAO. she would kill soooo many enemies wearing these in sports mode.

gale: lisa frank x crocs so full of whimsy! this is only half a joke. i genuinely think he'd enjoy how silly these look. maybe not advertise it, but definitely enjoy how comfy they are and hide them under his desk as he works. also i can't really think of lisa frank without thinking about those existential memes so like sorry the funloving nihilism is very gale.

shadowheart: christopher kane x crocs i just feel like shadowheart would be one of those spiritual girlies who collects rocks. she would look cute in these. it's so easy to lean into the more goth/emo look but i think these would suit her.

wyll: MCM x crocs my boy wyll is constantly on his feet, travelling all over the sword coast to save lives. he needs something simple yet practical, but also he deserves to look stylish too.

karlach: sweethearts x crocs you thought i was gonna go with something badass huh? something with flames? well too bad. karlach has such a big heart and so much love to give! i think she deserves the cutesy fluffy crocs. hopefully they don't singe too bad.

the dark urge: little big x crocs spooky white dragonborn rocks up to the bhaal temple drenched in blood and also wearing these. idk it just works.

minthara: disney's haunted mansion x crocs i'm biased because i own these and they slay. i think she would like the purple/teal colour scheme and the spooky wallpaper pattern. also: glow in the dark jibbits! underdark reference.

halsin: shrek x crocs just as the oak father intended.

bonus withers: pleasures x crocs

[xalatath]

Name: Orin/Remornia/Pyro

Age: 21

Pronouns: it/she or whatever you think my pronouns should be

Occupation: Temple Priestess/Creep, Sire Denathrius' personal swordgirl, death-obsessed freak, receiver of divine visions, emo wretch, pile of viscera, loser sister, revengeromantic murdersexual, ethical bhaalist, lovable arsonist, found family annihilator etc

Things About Me

I am Orin BG3 and Remornia WoW and Pyro TF2 IRL (spiritual otherkind)

Plural

Elvenkind+ venthyr + Nerubian + Bhaalspawn shapeshifter thing

Jewish

Autistic+ADHD+BPD etc

Here I post everything but mostly BG3, WoW, TF2, MCR and Tolkien/Silmarillion. I also post about spiders and other arthropods quite often.

I have 2 cats: Tyrande and Gil-galad. 2 leeches: Serci and Creep. 2 tarantulas: Anub'azal and Engie.

My art is tagged #myart

Other Blogs

@peopleofazeroth Funny WoW names

@vilyandil - elvenkind aesthetic blog

@revengesexual - NSFW + horny bhaalspawn shit (18+ only pls)

@uinens - WoW rp blog

[6mayhem]

top ten men??

okay.....this is a long personal post BE PREPARED!!! to find me cringe after this

in no particular order and most are also gonna be fictional LOLOLOLOLOL starting with the real people tho

gerard way...what can i say..... just 10/10 who I'm trying to be. All my problems would be solved if I could 100% embody him body mind and soul circa mid 2000s because spiritually that's who i was born to be. also the music is good very good. does he even count as a man anymore everyone's a transgender nowadays. anyway i don't actually know anything abt him apart from the stage persona and that's the way I'm trying to keep it bc everything i learn about celebrities I learn against my will

manuel germanletsplay. god i was so obsessed with him as a teenager. for the americans: he was of the biggest german gaming/minecraft youtubers and national heartthrob among teen girls. everyone shipped him with his friends including me THE FANFICSSSS..... he inspired a lot of transgenderism in me due to his twinky nature and his piano talent and long hair and the fact he never (to this day) showed his face. his persona was like a real life creepypasta character when it comes to sex appeal

isak valtersen skam..... skam is like my longest running hyperfixations i first watched it circa 2017 and have been rewatching at LEAST twice a year since then. idc that it's a teen show.......... he contributed greatly to my transgenderism. I love manipulative teen guys who are just the absolute fucking worst when you look at it objectively. he was such a male manipulator the whole s1 arc rlly made him out to be such a mastermind supervillain it was so silly. and then he got rlly pathetic in s3 ❤️❤️❤️❤️ anyway awesome outfits also..And anger issues

mickey milkovich shameless.... don't feel like I need to explain. WHAT AN ARC !!! he's a terrible person but like somehow the most sympathetic character in the entire show. everything past s7 was such flanderization it made me mad as hell but before that waowwaow.....he deserved better. my meowmeow. would move mountains and literally kill people for the most average annoying guy ever (real mickey fans hate ian) (jk hes fine minus the last 2 seasons)

syd march antiviral. what a fucking freak. he's got everything. blood kink. appearance of a sickly victorian child. horrible daddy issues. bisexuality. a thinly veiled transgender subplot. he's just so slimy and greasy and you just wanna punch him the entire movie I love it. big fan. also a male manipulator..U never know how much of his weakness is real and how much is faked to gain people's trust. he's just like me when it comes to obsessing over random beautiful women!!

sven kretschmer from ich hasse liebeslieder. no one knows this book because it was posted in like 2015 on a german fanfiction website but it permanently changed my brain chemistry. wow. i love him so much. he's everything to me. eyeliner wearing bisexual emo with greasy black hair who canonically looks like gerard way and struggles with every mental issue under the sun. erectile dysfunction subplot. has an abusive father. my favorite band is only kj because that's HIS favorite band. you could trace back 90% of who I am as a person to sven. HE BECAME A TATTOO ARTIST ALSO THAT'S SO COOL!!! and he's the most loyal bastard ever just a kicked puppy kinda guy i love men who are really clingy in relationships. but at the same time he also has insane anger issues which I ALSO love in a man GRIN 😁 😁 😁 😁 😁 ^^^^ see above faves this is a whole archetype of guy for me

jack as you are.... See profile pic!! you already knowwwww!!!!! he's just like me fr. sheltered/seen as weak and sensitive and longing to be rebellious and do things to impress other men (in a homosexual way). maybe transgender? maybe killed his best friend/brother/lover!! again...greasy long hair YAYYY!!! the whole movie could be a forcemasc fantasy

mirco from this sorta obscure book called landeplatz der engel....his mother rejected him. the woman who took him in is a prostitute.... he says ableist slurs but is the least ableist person in the whole book...he wears a ring with a jewel in the shape of a boar head how cool is that?? and he stole a car. and does illegal car races. and ditched his girlfriend for his new male best friend. and he's secretly really traumatized but never wants to be a victim and gets mad when you imply his past affected him 😵‍💫😵‍💫😵‍💫😵‍💫 idk I just love how he never pretends to be a better person than he is, but the opposite of it. He never gives himself credit for how kind he is

will graham... What a fucking freak(2). proves that your life isn't over at 30 you can still find the love of your life and do really weird shit because you decided that the only thing you care about is what a freaky european cannibal thinks of you.

adam saw....what can i say. he's awesome. he's transgender. he's funny. he's tragic. he's in love with a man twice his age while his brain can't decide if it should see him as a father figure or romantic interest. relatable to me personally

HONORABLE MENTIONS:

my oc neph bell because he's awesome and basically me

steve harrington and eddie munson from stranger things bc i still ship it (there's zero canon moments but idgaf about canon its stupid anyway) bc 1. Tragic blond failson with daddy issues and 2. eddie gave me aesthetic aspirations fuel for like a full year before i figured out who i wanna be. so yeah. I'm only a little bit ashamed of this

tyler durden fight club because yeah. and by extension the narrator bc the moments where he acted like a proper weird fucker were so funny and also meeeeeeee x3

nezumi no.6 you edgy fucker

mo folchart inkheart bc i always wanted him to be my father

kurt cobain

my other oc cesar liehmann bc he embodies everything i like re: blond men with anger issues who have to compensate for their average height by acting more confident than they are

free space for whoever i might be forgetting rn. I always have a LOT of thoughts about fictional men....

SHIN TSUKIMI FROM YTTD LOL I REMEMBER BEING CRAZY ABT HIM

max zerophilia... just completely embraces his sexuality and status as a Z. shamelessly in love with both luke and luca. HOT!!!! kind of bad at flirting but it works for him. AND HE'S ALSO HOT AS MICHELLE AND I'M BISEXUAL SO THAT'S THAT

[problematicraccoon]

details about my better teenhood dr bc im losing my mind over it

(TW: MENTIONS OF SA AND STALKING and also i get real emo, my apologies)

okay so first of all, im not really reliving my teen years in their entirety- im shifting back to being 17, only a few days after my birthday.

mainly because some crazy shit happened on my 17th birthday in my cr, and it ended with me being betrayed by two of my 'best' friends during a big fight, who sided with my assailant/stalker instead of me. the day i spawn in is the day that happened. and i know that sounds stupid, like why tf would anyone wanna relive a day like that. but im gonna slightly tweak it.

in this reality, i was raised by my badass aunt Isla (fc Daphne Zuniga). she's like a big sister/aunt/best friend/mom all rolled into one, and we're extremely close, and she's very protective of me.

in my cr, no one defended me. i've taken to referring to myself as the 'attack dog friend', because i have always been the one to fight for my friends, to send paragraphs to people that hurt them or get in somebody's face for groping them, ect. but no one ever did the same for me. same goes for when my two best friends blamed me for what happened, and my other friends didnt even mention the situation. everyone kinda stopped talking to me after that.

but in my dr, i have a group of super close friends that defend me from the two that betray me. they send paragraphs to them, block them, and support me. my aunt ends up on the phone with their mom and absolutely loses it on her lmfao T0T

my reasoning for shifting back to quite possibly the worst day of my life is because i wanna fix it. i want to know what it feels like to be loved and supported instead of abandoned. this is my way of healing i suppose.

ON A LIGHTER NOTE here's some cute shit im excited for <3

-me and my best friends are gonna go to this big ball in a couple months, one that i went to with them in my cr, i just really wanna experience it again, it was so fun.

-the ball is where me and my dr crush end up confessing to each other JFAOIWEJRKANEIAJW

-MY CATS AND DUCKS AND COW :D we have three girl black cats, Arson, Murder and Mayhem. we have four ducks, Table Lamp, Carbohydrate (Carby), Heeby Jeeby, and Choi Soobin. and we have a brown cow named Annaliese that my little sister named :)

-my little siblings <3 Phoebe and Eric. they're fraternal twins, 9 years old, and born on May the 4th (the girls who get it, get it)

-Phoebe is like those creepy ass kids on horror movies. she's quiet, usually, and she always looks like she's plotting world domination. she's insanely smart and very sarcastic. she's obsessed with bugs. im a teeny bit scared of her lmfao. her face claim is Mara Wilson

-Eric is the sweetest little guy to have ever existed. he loves to sing and draw, and is very giggly and silly. he annoys the shit out of Phoebe T0T (she still loves him tho) he's very sensitive and very empathetic. he always cries when he sees a stray dog or cat and is always trying to convince us to take in strays. his face claim is Eric Lloyd.

-my aunt/mom Isla is very weird and very eccentric and very funny. she's very spiritual, like i am, and taught me how to astral project, manifest, reality shift, do tarot card readings, cartomancy, spells, stuff like that. she knows i'm a shifter, so i can tell her about my other drs and she tells me about hers. we always script each other into our drs <3 she's a giant feminist and she took me to my first protest when i was like 10. she's soft and kind but she'd 100% kill a man for me and my siblings. she's rollin with the lgbt like me, so i can be queer openly <3

-SLEEPOVERS AND 3AM SNACK RUNS WITH THE DUDES. TRAMPOLINE PARK WITH THE DUDES. ROLLERSKATING WITH THE DUDES. HIKES WITH THE DUDES. ROADTRIPS WITH THE DUDES. im gonna have a freak out i miss my friends so much.

-i scripted a tweaked version of the Leverage: Redemption plot into this dr. Breanna is a part of my friend group, and she and i are hopelessly pining after each other (until the night of the ball IFHAOIHEFH)

-dear god my clothes T0T i cannot wait to play dress up fr

-all the women in my family have psychic/empathic abilities that develop around the age of 10. we also have occasional prophetic dreams/visions.

-i never got to meet my maternal grandmother Joyce in my cr, as she died a long time before i was born, but i scripted she's still alive in my dr and we're very close. im finally gonna get to meet her T0T i cant wait to hug the shit out of her. she was so amazing yall i cant wait to get to know her.

-i have one of those pink american flags with Chaewon from Lesserafim on it lmfao. i love being a patriot <3

[codalong]

my name's Coda. I'm 22 years old. I'm an American Chinese bisexual trans man* living with schizoaffective disorder. I'm an artist, writer, and musician as a hobby but aspire to one day make a living off of it (or at least part of one, in this economy).

*[for the most part, but at my core I'm a female male faggit]

I'm big on video games, music (esp. emo/metal), aviation, books (esp. fantasy), and animation, but not big on using social media listlessly. I only post when I really have something to say.

spiritually, I am Buddhist, Daoist, and a blur of otherkin/therian—I am a theriomythic wolf possessed by other animalistic and divine spirits.

DNI the usual crowd, but I'm gonna specifically point out racists, exclusionists, transmisogynists, transandrophobes, sanists to step off, because my live and living ass is not gonna see you hating.

[thebean-17]

🖤 - 𝖇𝖎𝖔 ???

Wanted to make a bio since I hope to possibly make some friends or talk with some cool people that share any of my interests.

First, you can call me Bean, I'm 21 so sometimes I might post things that are 18+. It's bound to happen so mdni. I go by any pronoun, so won't really care what you go with. I am just someone that likes a bunch of random shit, so my blog is a way of displaying that.

Check out my pronouns page if you're ever unsure: thebean_17

Things I do:

Play video games

Listen to music

Read & write

Play guitar & drums

Sing

Paint and do digital art

Practice paganism

Sometimes do 3D modelling

Watch movies & shows

Collect records, gothic stuff, bugs, bounties geeky stuff (Pokemon stuff, Yu-Gi-Yo cards, anime or hero figurines, and comic books)

Things I like:

🖤 I have a strong interest for horror, indie, action, thriller, fantasy, mystery, sci-fi, and adventure films and shows. I'm always on the lookout for something fresh and unique, whether it's a recent release or a classic from a different era and country.

🖤 I enjoy reading poetry, fantasy, history, biographies, gothic literature, classics, science fiction, thrillers, horror, dark romance, mythologies, occult works, and various non-fiction novels.

🖤 I really enjoy metal music ranging from black metal, nu-metal, gothic metal, deathcore, alt metal, prog, thrash metal, and doom metal. I enjoy other genres like emo, punk, folk, classical, jazz, R&B, EDM, shoegaze, rock, indie, psychedelic, prog, and tons more.

🖤 I like spirituality and philosophy, and things related to psychology. I feel like all of those sometimes intertwine with each other in some way or another. I do divination and like reading about stuff related to astrology, so a lot of occult-y stuff as well.

🖤 I like learning different languages like Italian, Spanish, Swedish, Norwegian, Japanese, Latin, and Dutch.

🖤 I really enjoy DnD. I haven't been in many groups to make a DnD campaign last long though.

🖤 I enjoy playing video games like Baldur's Gate 3, Red Dead Redemption 2, Blasphemous, Hades, DOOM, the Elder Scrolls series, Hellblade, Witcher 3, FNF (Friday Night Funkin'), Minecraft, RuneScape, GTA series, Fallout series, Stardew Valley, Legend of Zelda (just like the entire series), Sims, Binding of Isaac, Assassin's Creed, and Terraria.

🖤 From time to time, I enjoy doing a bit of coding (mainly just for fun and practice).

🖤 - 𝖜𝖍𝖆𝖙 𝖊𝖑𝖘𝖊 𝖙𝖔 𝖘𝖆𝖞? ???

If anyone wants to chat, feel free to reach out. I like the idea of only making new friends, especially anyone that shares my interests.

🖤 - 𝖒𝖞 𝖔𝖙𝖍𝖊𝖗 𝖕𝖊𝖗𝖘𝖔𝖓𝖆𝖑𝖎𝖙𝖎𝖊𝖘 ???

Blog 1. the-fire-within0 (my "low-effort" pagan blog)

Blog 2. skogjeger (my "high-effort" pagan blog)

[askbensolo]

Journal Entry #44: one stayed, one swayed, one strayed

So I may have made a mistake. Amalia and I had planned a holocall to catch up (because I suck at replying to messages), and...I asked if she wanted to see Fannie, too. Since she’s here and everything.

I knew Amalia hadn’t spoken to Fannie or Luke for a long time. But they always ask me how she’s doing, since I’m the only one she still talks to. They clearly still care about her, even if she doesn’t think so. I don’t know—I just figured I’d ask.

And much to my surprise…she agreed. As long as I was going to be there, she said.

And you know what? It actually started out okay. Like I said…Amalia’s a lot more mellow now. She’s still herself, in the same way that I’m still me despite not being an emo boi anymore—but she does seem to care about people more, and there’s just more light in her eyes when she engages with you.

There was some chit-chat between me and Fannie and Amalia about what we’ve all been up to. I was feeling really proud of Mal. I know she’s got some issues with the Jedi and everything, and it must have taken a lot for her to be willing to talk to Fannie again.

What I don’t understand, is that Fannie must have known that too. So...I was shocked when Fannie just...went for the throat, and asked Amalia if she still didn't want to be a Jedi.

I think I mentioned to you how Amalia has developed some different beliefs on the Force. She thinks the Force must be a person rather than a thing. Like…some sort of divine spiritual being, I guess. And again, I say: don’t ask me about that stuff—not my lane, buddy. I just live here.

All I know is, she seems happier this way, thinking of the Force as someone who cares about her, and I thought Fannie would be happy for her, too. I mean…I am. But...she wasn't.

“Amalia…the Force isn’t a person,” Fannie said, sounding confused. “The Jedi have never believed the Force is a person.”

“Well, that’s why I’m not a Jedi,” said Amalia.

“The Jedi have passed down their ancient knowledge and wisdom for centuries. Do you really think they were all incorrect?”

“The Jedi have also passed down many mistakes and corrupt practices,” Amalia countered. “They were incorrect in that. Who’s to say there weren’t other things they got wrong? Or things that got twisted along the way? The Jedi were mortal. The Force is not. I follow the Force now, Fannie. Not the Jedi.”

“The Jedi do follow the Force,” Fannie argued. “The Jedi Order, despite its failings, has been a firm foundation for many years for all who would follow the Force—”

“All? Or just those with a high enough Force sensitivity?” Amalia asked.

“Well, yes, I suppose the life of a Jedi is specifically for those with a special ability to sense the Force, like you and I,” Fannie conceded, “but isn’t that all the more reason why you should have stayed? You were given a gift. It seems a shame to waste it."

"You just said someone gave me a gift," pressed Amalia. "Who did, if not a person?"

You know me. I’m all for debating the esoteric. But I was starting to get a little stressed about them fighting. One of them was a good friend because she shared my darker sense of humor and the feeling of being kind of an outcast. And one of them I was kinda hoping would be my girlfriend soon.

"Okay, ladies, break it up," I said. "I mean, come on. Who can really know anything about the Force for sure?"

"Every one of us can, if we seek to know the Force," said Amalia, with the urgency of one sharing a profound revelation.

"The Jedi know the Force," said Fannie, with the zeal of one defending a sacred institution. "They have studied it for generations."

"Why don't you guys just accept that you, you know, each see things a little differently, and move on?" I suggested, with the pragmatism of one who’d given up trying to understand the galaxy a long time ago. "It seems to be working out great for each of you, even if you guys believe different things. And who knows, maybe both of you are kind of right."

Amazingly enough, then they both turned on me.

"We can't both be right, Solo," Amalia said. "Our beliefs about the Force are pretty mutually exclusive."

"There is only one truth," agreed Fannie. "Your eyes couldn't be brown and blue at the same time."

"Well, what if I had one eye that was brown, and one eye that was blue, and each of you were sitting on either side of me—" I started to say, but as clever as I thought this little parable was, it did not go over well with the girls.

"Oh please. Not that 'blind men and the bantha' crap," Amalia groaned.

"There would still be only one truth—that you had a brown eye and a blue eye, rather than fully brown or fully blue—and both of us would be wrong," Fannie said.

"Okaaay," I said, "but you'd still both be half right—"

"Which would still make us both wrong," Amalia said.

"Look, is it really that important what the Force is or isn't like?" I asked impatiently.

"Yes!" Fannie and Amalia said at the same time.

"The Force is the giver of all life, watching over us, working all events toward our good, loving us despite our darkness, giving us the will and the strength to do what's right," said Amalia. "I didn't know how to have hope or joy or love for myself or anyone else, until I discovered that the Force made me on purpose and gives a damn about me."

"The Force is the energy that flows through each of us and every living creature, and in the influence we wield over the world, whether for good or evil," said Fannie. “If you are not in tune with it, you are not in tune with yourself or others or the rest of nature.”

"The Force is out there, sure, but I don't see why it's so worth bothering about," I said. “Seems like it kinda just does what it wants. I mean, it doesn’t seem to want anything to do with me. And if I’m honest? I don’t really want anything to do with it, either.”

Fannie and Amalia both stared at me, frustrated. I didn't understand why they thought I was so wrong. I was the only one here not trying to get everyone else to change their mind. I was totally okay with Amalia believing what she wanted to and Fannie believing what she wanted to as long as I could believe what I wanted to and somehow that made me the bad guy?

We were all quiet for a bit, until Fannie broke the silence.

“I don’t understand,” she said, shaking her head. “We all learned the same things from Master Luke. All three of us.”

Amalia and I exchanged glances.

“Well...I just don’t think that what Luke taught was true,” Amalia said, her words brusque, but her tone uncharacteristically gentle. “Not because he’s a liar. Because he’s misguided. I think he learned and taught an incorrect understanding of the Force.”

“I just don’t really care what’s true because my life is just work and rent and whatever little time I get to myself to have fun, and the last time I was interested in the Force I got super abused and manipulated,” I said.

“But we used to all accept the same things as truth,” said Fannie. "I just...don't know what's different."

“We were younger then. People change as they grow up. Not everyone believes the same things at twenty-five that they did at fifteen,” Amalia said.

“I’ve sure changed a lot. Not just regarding the Force, but all over,” I said.

Fannie sighed, and started to look a little sad. And then...I felt an impression brush up against the outside of my mind—it was the three of us, at Luke's school: Amalia and I a little smaller than we were right now and Fannie exactly the same size, hair and lekku and montrals all a little shorter—the three of us, dressed in Jedi robes, Fannie's with the ruffles she'd sewn on, mine plain and rough and ugly, Amalia's with the sleeves cut short—sitting in the grass and comparing notes scrawled from lessons with Uncle Luke—discussing the light side of the Force and the dark, meditating together—Amalia and I goofing off while Fannie tried in vain to reel us back in—Fannie and I teaming up to talk Amalia away from the deep end when she was losing her mind—me watching in absolute jealousy while Fannie and Amalia sparred—Fannie's saber against the saber that was once Amalia's but now sat sadly on a special shelf in my uncle's office—Amalia had no idea how often I'd caught Luke gazing wistfully at it, back when I used to still meet with him for counseling—

All that in a flash, and then I turned and looked and saw it all in Fannie’s eyes, and my heart felt heavy for her. And I realized that...letting Amalia and I go our own way was a sort of bitter loss for Fan, a source of grief that I couldn’t really understand—but I could feel it—an anchor dragging her below the surface—my friend, the girl I loved, the girl with the great big heart like an open wound, the girl who yearned for the galaxy to make sense.

I put my arm around her shoulder without really thinking about it, and brushed the backs of my fingers against her cheek to comfort her. And gave her a little nudge like, hey, things are okay, I’m still here, right?

“Oh my frick,” said Amalia, who I’d temporarily forgotten about, in a tone of voice like she was witnessing the eighth wonder of the galaxy. “I had to see it to believe it. But I just saw it, and I still don’t know if I believe it.”

Fannie and I looked at each other uncomfortably. We hadn’t been planning to tell her. Or anyone, really. Not for a while. But acting close with each other had just become sort of natural to us. I withdrew my arm and Fannie scooted ever-so-slightly further away from me.

Amalia shook her head. “I mean. Look. Sure. You guys are kind of cute, not gonna lie. But I’m just gonna say it: you two shouldn’t be together.”

I was stunned. That was really so not her business.

“Okay. Cool. Who asked you?” I replied, more than a little annoyed.

“Nobody, but you know that I always say what I think, just like you do, Ben,” she said. “Think about the whole conversation we’ve just had. I mean. Do you guys not see how incompatible your worldviews are? Do you not think you’re gonna have issues down the line trying to reconcile your values?”

I looked at Fannie, almost afraid she’d agree. But she looked upset, and not agreeable in the least, and I felt better. I turned back to Amalia's hologram.

“We have a lot of differences, yeah. But we’re willing to work through them and accept each other as we are, and that’s that,” I said stiffly.

“Ben’s been through a lot,” said Fannie. “I can forgive that he has trouble connecting with the Force.”

“Hey, I’ve been through a lot, too!” said Amalia. “But I still believe in something. I believe in something, Fannie—he doesn’t believe in anything. And he doesn’t have trouble connecting with the Force—that man is sprinting in the opposite direction as fast as he freaking can.”

“Hey, I said I believe in the Force,” I said defensively. “It’s pretty hard not to, when people can use it to make things float and stuff.”

“And he’s Luke’s own nephew, for goodness’ sake!” Fannie said.

“He's also the grandson of one of the biggest Sith Lords who ever lived. But I don’t think it really matters who he’s related to, or if he believes the Force exists, if he doesn’t care,” said Amalia. “Be honest with yourself, Fannie. Do you really want to spend the rest of your life with someone who doesn’t have a purpose and doesn’t know why he’s alive, except to make money and have fun?”

“Listen, Mal,” I said. “Not all of us are cut out for seeing the grand scope of some cosmic order and imagining we have a part in it. Some of us just wanna live our lives—”

But Fannie interrupted me.

“You’re jealous, Amalia,” she said, unusually nasty, unusually venomous. We both stared at her. “You’re jealous. You’re jealous! You liked him, too. I know you did. And you’re jealous that he chose me.”

That seemed to hit kind of a nerve with Amalia. I’m not sure why. Either it was true…or it was so untrue that it pissed her off to even hear the idea suggested. She raised her brow and sucked in her cheeks and blinked a little, as if to say…well, damn, alrighty then.

“…Okay,” she said, sounding less-than-friendly, but less-than-frigid. “Weeell. That sounds like a great place to call it quits. Nice talking with you both, and I wish y’all the best. Talk to you later, Ben. And, Fannie…good luck.” And then she signed off, before I could even say anything.

I looked at Fan desperately, hoping we could have some kind of debrief, but…she stood up with a huff and stormed off too.

Geez. Three things that are complicated: 1) religion, 2) growing up, and 3) girls.

[storyofthenauseouseye]

Passionate Prose From A Perverted Philosopher: Bataille’s Poetry

Most people are not familiar with the works or life of Georges Bataille. I don't blame them. I'm sure my professor is looking at this with fearful eyes, praying I'm not actually about to start a post on the Georges Bataille, the notorious anti-philosopher and writer whose works have made him rather infamous. Well, don't worry. I'm not about to make a whole post on surrealist literary fetish pornography. No, we're going to take a more muted approach and look at Bataille's key concepts and ideas through his poetry.

There are no graphic depictions of masturbating with a chicken egg here, folks. Just some twentieth-century poetry so dark it helped inspire the lyricism of the black metal genre movement (a movement that included the burning of churches and ended with the murder of some people).

Ambrogio Antonio Alciati, The Kiss, 1917.

Key Concepts

Hopping from surrealism, to eroticism, to religion, and eventually starting an occult group, Bataille's writing is anitsystematic, and it's diffiicult to categorize into a few labels. Thankfully, there are prevalent themes that shine through the messy, dark chaos that he left behind. These themes are predominantly themes of myth, pain, and social transgression (Mambrol).

The easiest way to explore those themes is to sort through the poetry of Bataille. Bataille was a surrealist, and actually was an associate of Andre Breton until Breton and he got into an argument and Bataille distanced himself from the group and the movement.

Myth

Myth is the first predominant theme in the library of Bataille.

Despite being on-and-off Christian and occultist, Bataille's swings of loving and hating God, spirituality, and the cosmic experience of existence was something he found a lot of room for. Not only did this appear in his specultaive fiction and autobiographical philosophical works, but this also appeared with the confines of his poetry.

O dead God O dead God Me I hounded you with hatred unfathomable I would die of hatred as a cloud is undone

(Bataille and Kendall, 11)

Per this untitled example, Bataille has no problems saying the kinds of things that got him in trouble in his time. His disdain for traditional myth and religious iconography is only rivaled by his own strange hypocrisy. Going in and out of different religions and spiritual seasons, Bataille would often write in favor of these myths.

"At the height of the heavens / the angels, I hear their voices, glorify me / I am, under the sun, an errant ant" (Bataille and Kendall, 13).

Here, Bataille was in a season of deep religious fervor. He felt so small to the passionate outpouring of the heavens, a glrious feeling that he would write many poems about. This love and hate relationship with mythology and relgious structures would pave the way for many of his stranger, more ethereal works.

Pain

To say Georges Bataille was emo would be to undersell his emotionally black works. The suffering and emotional torment he speaks of isn't that of a Pierce the Veil song, rather his kind of authentic pain belongs to something more in line with DSBM (depressive suicidal black metal). It doesn't come as a surprise, he practically invented the lyricism for the black metal genre as a whole.

Verses about suffering, stars, violence, galactic existentialism, nihilism, strange fetishistic imagery, Satan, and either an extreme reverance for religion, or the dismal rejection of it, this specific niche of harsh music couldn't exist without Bataille's own flavor of self hatred (Bereshith and Fas).

Take, for example, such extreme verses as

I scream at the sky that it's not me who is screaming in this lacerating thunderstorm it's not me who is dying it's the starry skies the starry sky screams the starry sky cries I fall asleep and the world is forgotten (Bataille and Kendall, 34)

As you can see, the edgelord himself, Bataille, outdoes a good amount of the goth and emo campiness. He settles for something a good bit more horrific, including depictions of murder and violent sexual content. But why? Why write poems about vehement antireligious and religious ideologies, self destructive tendiencies, gross sex, and violence? Because Bataille was a transgressive author.

Left: Deathspell Omega, Si Monvmentvm Reqvires, Circvmspice, 2004. Right: Deathspell Omega, Deathspell Omega Logo, 1998

Social Transgression

Bataille was a transgressive philosopher and artist. Despite being an antisystematic writer whose interests were scattered, it is impossible to fight the fact that he was a figure of transgression.

Transgressive art is art that defies rules, laws, expectations, or norms. It is often shocking and causes quit ethe controversy. Other examples of transgressive artists would be Marilyn Manson, Jorg Buttgereit, Marquis de Sade, Rozz Williams, and John Waters.

I won't touch upon the topic of "is shock art true art" but I will say that Bataille and others like hm went on to make quit ethe names for themselves. Although these ideas and tpics may not be that taboo to the social norms of today, it disturbed many people to read something such as

Bird's laughter filthy with blood crash of ice from teeth filth screaming vomiting head hung in horror (Bataiile and Kendall, 129).

I mean, when a dude from a band called Deathspell Omega does an interview and lists you as a reference of inspiration, you've probably said some dark stuff that caught on with a very specific crowd of people.

And if you think tat's bad, look into his novel, The Story of the Eye. I dare you.

Works Cited

Bataille, Georges, and Stuart Kendall. The Poetry of Georges Bataille. Translated by Stuart Kendall, State University of New York Press, 2018.

Bereshith, and Fas. “Interview with Deathspell Omega from AJNA Offensive.” Deathspell Omega, https://ezxhaton.kccricket.net/interview.html. Accessed 8 December 2023.

Mambrol, Nasrullah. “Key Concepts of Georges Bataille – Literary Theory and Criticism.” Literary Theory and Criticism, 2 May 2017, https://literariness.org/2017/05/02/key-concepts-of-georges-bataille/. Accessed 8 December 2023.

Further Reading

[ghostaddictgremlin]

Some notes I took while watching Kamen Rider Gaim

A best-of of sorts

Ep 01

HORSE

If confusion got an intro, this is it

Again... why are they still dancing

Kengan Ashura but with tiny monsters

Lmao, I didn't expect to see another protag run over things with a car

All of Baron look pathetic. But I appreciate their clothing style

He's so useless <3

Me when I believe I can do something in my life

I love how he just plays tetris with the suit and waits for things to happen

Ep 02

He is so me coded

He's an idiot😭😭😭

Did they just fucking forget about their friend?*

Uggghhhh main guy from Baron, give me your coat

Oh forget about it. His coat sparkles. That's gay, dude

Geez guy, we get it, you're emo

Get fucking pineappled!

My dude... putting on those sunglasses didn't look half as cool as you thought...

*this note is important bc I was consistently very concerned about Yuuya

Ep 03

Does no one care that bro has been missing for a week now??

Micchi is so adorba???*

"Eh?" is exactly my reaction to whatever the fuck Mai is having rn

I am not sure if Micchi is straight or gay but it's ok baby, I'll hold your hand

I feel like he's pathetic and I feel like I like him

Pulling out the glock as a samurai is the funniest thing to me

*this is the exact moment I have adopted Micchi as my sweet darling boi

Ep 04

MICCHIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII*

Fucking melon man*²

Kouta fuckn dead, man

Kaito, did you really go from high school bully to drug dealer?

MICCHIIIIIIIIIIIIIII

* this is autocorrection on my phone now and will be used several times

*² I wasn't emotionally attached to the characters besides Micchi, so I had a hard time remembering any names. Most will be only referred to with a nickname. Melon man is obviously Takatora

Ep 05

Micchi pls, oh god, my boi

I love how spiritual mai whatever is always like: be cautious!!!!! And every rider so far said: eh🤷🏻‍♂️

MICCHIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII

Why are you practicing in a random small ass hallway?

Kaito's card set looks like he's playing Halli Galli

Oh my gaaaaaawd intimidating card games! :0 /s

Micchi is not having a good day

Micchi's suit has such an isopod bug face and I love it😭

You still don't look as cool as you think with your sunglasses

Kaito, what is your business bullying 16 year olds at 20? Get a job please

[phywreks]

the end of rain world

written on 10/1/24, lightly edited 10/23

(vague spoilers for the end of the video game rain world)

the ending of rain world has been fucking with me. it’s deconstructed the patch of stability i spent a big chunk of my summer building for myself.

the night i finished rain world, i walked a friend home. she hadn't been doing great- her usual routines for emotional regulation weren't working, her creative work often more frustrating than fulfilling, stuck at a point of being unable to match her skillset to her aesthetic tastes. she talked, i listened, i tried to ask helpful questions, i stumbled over my own words, i lost cohesion. i felt like i'd maybe managed to distract her from a spiral, if only through confusion. we lingered for a while outside her building. we hugged good night.

i felt like i'd failed her. this chance i had to be there for someone important to me, to help them, to offer a lifeline, and all i could think to do was cry and say i’m sorry i can’t give you better advice but i care about you. 

so i quietly sobbed my way home. i stumbled into playing rain world at 3am because i was grasping for more of the kind of meaning and joy and love for its design, grasping for the emotional state playing rain world had come to embody- escaping and spending time with this friend i felt like i'd failed. i finished it. i spent half an hour climbing through tunnels and temples and threw myself into the golden void. the culmination of a journey only possible through acts of random generosity from pebbles, the void worm, this friend. all of this generosity, and the thing it was leading towards was what? suicide? ending the cycle? becoming a big worm and swimming in the void with the other big worms? seeing myself and dozens of my other selves who have all died eventually make it to the end, escape the mortal plane, and leave behind a world destroyed, ravaged, full of suffering?

art reflects us. it shows us, without us realizing, who we are. what we believe. the feelings we stuff away. i get from rain world an indictment of the concept of afterlives. they are a technology, a concept we invented in pursuit of how it might enhance our ability to live in this world here and now. this is all there is. despite this goal of creating a philosophically airtight seal on motivation, a framework that tells us that at all times, the best thing we can do is to continue living and giving everything we have to the world because otherwise there will be nothing that remains of us when we die. 

this framework is not enough. in rain world (this is my understanding of the world of the game after a single playthrough, i’ve certainly got substantial parts of this wrong and am thus filling in the gaps), the ancients live deep spiritual lives which connect themselves to the world and create a desire to protect it, to live in harmony with it. their desire to escape the cycle of death and rebirth which traps all living creatures trumps their desire to make life worth living for those creatures, though. they construct artificial intelligences who require a resource load so intense that it completely transforms all ecosystems on the planet. the surface of the world is now pelted by rainstorms so intense they kill anything not able to find shelter. they move above the clouds, away from the danger, and ramp up their consumption even more.

rain world says that no matter what we say, believe, how we cloak our beliefs, how we justify our actions, we’re still acting without a plan for long term sustainability for those who live here. now.

i woke up after going to sleep with all of this rolling around in my head, sobbing silently so as to not wake up my two roommates, and spent three hours in bed staring at the atrocities of the world. algorithms designed to rewire your behaviour so they’re the first thing you see in the morning dominate most of us. they curate what you see to maximize the amount of attention you give them. i went to sleep emotionally raw, scared, unsure of my ability to maintain faith that humanity will survive the hell we’re constructing for ourselves out of our home. i woke up confronted with damning evidence that hell must be what we’re searching for. why else would we ruin the climate? escalate the frequency of environmental disaster to the point that towns flood monthly? to the point that millions lose their homes every year? 

reckoning with reality inevitably drives us insane. the only way to remain productive, to climb up in society and gain power, is to conform, in the depths of your soul, to the metrics established by those in power before you. 

massive societal shifts happen not as a reaction to injustice, but as a power move from those just under the top, to put themselves on top.

i don’t want to kill myself. i don’t want to live. i want all of us to be free from the threat of death if we aren’t able to work. i want us to be able to live good lives for the simple fact of our humanity. i want all creatures to be able to live good lives for the simple fact of their existence. i want beauty to flourish. 

wealth accumulation, rent seeking, capitalism, techno-feudalism, whatever you want to call it. it preys on our fulfillment at seeing lines go up. it conveys power to those of us most capable at making lines go up.

a metric can never capture goodness, or beauty. there is no metric which, on its own, is sufficient to allow universal morality to hinge upon its continual increasing. the world, the universe as we live in it and know it, is a constant flux, it breathes: expanding, contracting, always. since i was young, i’ve never believed in a god, but the idea of the expanding and contracting of the universe as analogous to the breathing lungs of a god as being the reality we live has been inescapable.

i have nothing else but this angst, currently. 

everything is insufficient, so far. no process, no belief, all eventually run up against a situation where they prove insufficient at providing an answer, or worse, provide an answer which causes pain. 

from this, do we maintain the path, forever carrying the weight that at any point it may cause us to hurt ourselves or others, or do we jump to a new path? do we trudge through as many disparate paths as possible, hoping that if we’ve devoted ourselves to the construction of wide webs of heuristic knowledge, we’ll be able to find connecting patterns across them all which we can give to others. that we can increase the possibility space of human thought, action, possibility, and reach something better than this?

do we continue to love, despite the fact that sharing our most intimate fears, desires, embarrassments, leaves us necessarily vulnerable to having those secrets break containment in a moment of carelessness on the part of our beloved? 

of course we do. my instinct is to try and justify the act of loving from first principles. i do not want to do that today, so instead i'll just say that we should love to understand each other. we should give ourselves not just to the euphoria of knowing and being known, but also to the inevitability of crushing pains and betrayals, so we may know and comfort others. experience everything, so you may empathize with everyone.

living is not conscious-reminiscence is. i believe this, now. i may not believe this tomorrow. belief is a shaky thing right now. 

i’ve often dreamed of living forever. free from the restrictions of time, i escape into the fantasy of being able to study to my heart’s content. i want to spend my days reading, thinking, writing, and being good to the people in my life. nothing else really matters to me, at this point. even making “good” art is something i’ve sort of given up on. i’ll keep making stuff until i die, but i can’t care if it’s good. i don’t control whether or not it’s good. the process of creation necessitates that my relationship to my own work isolates me from those who experience it. i can never experience it how they can.

i won't live forever. i'll live imperfectly, die imperfectly, and hopefully contribute something to this world in a way which honors the grace i have been given, while doing my best to give that same grace to others.

anyhow, play rain world if you get the chance. it gave me this, it'll give you something Else.

[the-pixel-prince]

✧･ﾟ: ✧･ﾟ: 　𝕿𝖍𝖊 𝖕𝖎𝖝𝖊𝖑 𝖕𝖗𝖎𝖓𝖈𝖊　 :･ﾟ✧:･ﾟ✧

⋆｡°✩ 𝒃𝒂𝒔𝒊𝒄 𝒊𝒏𝒇𝒐 ✩°｡⋆

┊◈ username ➳ The pixel prince

┊◈ names ➳ Achilles/Prince

┊◈ age ➳ 16

┊◈ birthday ➳ 07/14

┊◈ zodiac ➳ cancer

┊◈ chinese zodiac ➳ rat

┊◈ occupation ➳ artist

┊◈ languages ➳ English, Latin

✧･ﾟ: ✧･ﾟ: 　✿　 :･ﾟ✧:･ﾟ✧

⋆｡°✩ 𝒊𝒅𝒆𝒏𝒕𝒊𝒕𝒚 ✩°｡⋆

┊◈ pronouns ➳ he/him/his

┊◈ genders ➳ trans man

┊◈ orientations ➳ asexual

┊◈ romantic orientation ➳ biromantic

┊◈ nationality ➳ Canadiam

┊◈ religion/spirituality ➳ Hellinist

✧･ﾟ: ✧･ﾟ: 　❀　 :･ﾟ✧:･ﾟ✧

⋆｡°✩ 𝒎𝒊𝒏𝒅 & 𝒔𝒐𝒖𝒍 ✩°｡⋆

┊◈ mbti ➳ Intj

┊◈ neurodivergencies ➳ audhd

┊◈ disabilities ➳ knee pain

┊◈ mental health ➳ Anxiety, depression, PTSD

┊◈ learning style ➳ Auditory

✧･ﾟ: ✧･ﾟ: 　✿　 :･ﾟ✧:･ﾟ✧

⋆｡°✩ 𝒑𝒆𝒓𝒔𝒐𝒏𝒂𝒍 ✩°｡⋆

┊◈ likes/special interests ➳ Greek mythology, 1920's, old films

┊◈ dislikes ➳ colleen hoover, dark romance, in general bigotry

┊◈ hobbies ➳ reading, writing, animating, drawing, poetry

┊◈ favourite music genres ➳ riot grrrls, indie, hip hop, punk, etc.

┊◈ favourite movies/shows ➳ DPS, HTTYD, OFMD, Good Omens

┊◈ favourite foods ➳ Dahl, Naan, tacos, mac n cheese, etc.

┊◈ relationship status ➳ Single (by choice)

┊◈ love languages ➳ acts of service, physical touch

✧･ﾟ: ✧･ﾟ: 　❀　 :･ﾟ✧:･ﾟ✧

⋆｡°✩ 𝒐𝒕𝒉𝒆𝒓 𝒊𝒅𝒆𝒏𝒕𝒊𝒕𝒊𝒆𝒔 ✩°｡⋆

┊◈ subcultures ➳ dark academia, glam rock, emo, Punk

┊◈ aesthetics ➳ mixed

┊◈ fandoms ➳ Epic the musical, creepypasta, sally face, etc.

┊◈ political views ➳ leftist

✧･ﾟ: ✧･ﾟ: 　✿　 :･ﾟ✧:･ﾟ✧

⋆｡°✩ MASTER LIST ✩°｡⋆

┊◈ CARRD ➳ my carrd page has all my social media pages and my about me (pronouns page)

✧･ﾟ: ✧･ﾟ: 　❀　 :･ﾟ✧:･ﾟ✧

⋆｡°✩ FAQS ✩°｡⋆

┊◈ What drawing program do you use? 

➳ Procreate! (I use a combination of it and capcut to animate)

┊◈ What tablet do you use? 

➳ Ipad 6th generation

┊◈ Are your comms open?

➳ no! but once I set up a Ko-fi they will be :)

┊◈ What translation of the Odyssey/Iliad did you read?

➳ Robert Fagles! (I have read many others but his is my favourite)

┊◈ Is all your work AU's?

➳ No! all my art is labeled, a lot of it is AU's do to my love of creating characters or making them my own, BUT I draw a lot of true to the source art or original character art! All this applies to my writing as well : )

┊◈ Do you take Writing/art/animatic requests?

➳ Yes! send me one and if I like it I will do it :) though I won't necessarily make what everyone sends! (I also only do the certain fandoms/things: HTTYD, EPIC, actual Greek/norse mythology, DPS, Sally face, Stardew, Marauders, goofy pagan memes, Gravity falls, dead end)

┊◈ Who do you animate/draw/rrite for?

➳ I mostly am independent but work with Ayron Alexander (the VA for Antinious in EPIC) animating his original songs! I have made art for a creator 'MeadowAngel.' I also do concept art and write scripts for 'Insania inc' for the companies comic coming soon: Forgotten Gods.

┊◈ Do you have a Server?

➳ Ones on the way!

┊◈ What characters do you draw the most?

➳ eeerrr a lot of different ones, the ones that aren't my oc are: Eumeas, Antinious, Eurymachus, Scylla, Odysseus, Sal Fisher, Sundrop, Spider punk, and hungry Lamu.

➳ I will make a sheet explaining my OC's!

┊◈ What are your current big projects?

➳ My book, poetry collection, essays on the Illiad and the video game I'm the dev of!

✧･ﾟ: ✧･ﾟ: 　𝔼ℕ𝔻　 :･ﾟ✧:･ﾟ✧

credit too: @sweetyamz1 for formating and @wolfythewitch for FAQ Ideas

[jazzpostsrandomthings]

Journey Retold: The Three Grand Companies

<< Previous Entry

Woops! A full month has passed since I last wrote for this series, my bad. Was busy with exams (aced the last one yesterday) and witnessing my friend go through Shadowbringers for the first time. I have a lot more free time now so I can finally continue Journey Retold!

There will be a preamble of sorts next, feel free to skip around until you see a text written in purple.

One of my friends told me that I should shorten the names of the players when I am inserting their messages into these posts. His suggestion was to shorten "The player of the self-proclaimed Emo Catboy" to "Emo Catboy" for example and he has a point, but I am not going to. I wanted to switch to a format of "The player of [WoL Full Name]" actually, but I had to make a choice against it out of my respect for the privacy of my dear first friend I've made through the game upon their own request so I am not going to do the switch because otherwise they would stand out like a sore thumb.

Another reason why I don't want to shorten the names like this is that... I feel like it's important to point out that there is a real person behind each of these characters. I find it one of the coolest and most magical things about FFXIV and MMO genre as a whole, and for an extravert like me who only goes outside for studies it just holds a lot of weight. Not all interactions with these player characters and people behind them themselves might be pleasant, it's a double-edged sword all multiplayer games and social medias even have to deal with, but an overwhelming majority of these interactions have brought me joy and laughs and it all just feels more real than just interacting with someone over Discord DMs and such.

The issue of the player names being too long in these posts during the messaging segments is real so from now on I will shorten it to "TPo [simple character description]", like "TPo Emo Catboy" or "TPo stern Auri man". That should do it.

...

OK, where did we stop last time? Ah, right, Ifrit.

Pi had slayed a monstrocity from the deep depths of hell yaaaaaaay.

I picked the msq back up the next day, judging from the screenshots' date. The word of Pi's conquest over the Lord of Inferno had spread quickly, like a wildfire, and the officers of the three Grand Companies had arrived to the Waking Sands, wanting to have Ifrit's bane to themselves. I was hit with a choice between these three Grand Companies, i.e. Limsa Lominsa's Maelstrom, Gridania's Order of Twin Adders and Ul'dah's Immortal Flames. And I wanted to join Maelstrom right away because I like Merl-- I mean, I like Limsa and I am the most familiar with it, but I was open to seeing what can other two city-states offer and thus I had set for Ul'dah first.

Raubahn entered the scene, as well as a cute lalafell woman wearing a weird dress that honestly makes her look like a bowling pin when she stands, I am sorry. That lalafell, Nanamo Ul Namo, is the sultana of Ul'dah by the way and it was my first time seeing her.

Their combined speech was very strong, talking about their glory and wealth (both in monetary fortune as well as the spiritual) and how they laid low the VIIth Imperial Legion five years ago.

For Victory and Fortune, stride fearless into the inferno, for we are by fire reborn!

Some young and kinda familiar gentleman had something to say about that last line:

So that's how it happened. How soon history forgets.

The speech was met with a round of applause and cheering, and like I've said before, the speech itself was very strong, I actually started to think that maybe Flames can win me over. Then the twins (or rather one of them) decide to speak to me to explain some things that were kinda glossed over in the grand speech, mentioning the refugee problem and their relationship with Amalj'aa that keep summoning Ifrit and costing many soldiers' their lives.

Next up was Gridania. The speech was mainly presented by Kan-E but her brother and sister (and also another seedseer) were also present, even if they didn't say anything.

The Elder Seedseer's speech was about peace and harmony. She talked about uniting Eorzea to fight the Empire and to protect the place that have been their home for almost five centuries.

And together, let us heal the forest's wounds, that our progeny might live in harmony beneath these ancient boughs. For serenity, purity, and sanctity!

I liked the speech as well, but it wasn't as memorable and strong as Raubahn's and I felt like this would be the Grand Company Pi would most likely side with canonically since he is mostly pacifistic and he wishes for the fighting to stop so there could be peace. Alphinaud chimed in again, mentioning how Gridania has to deal with two beast tribes, Ixal and sylphs, and how all the fighting they do is in self-defense. He also mentioned that their lands have been hurt the most by the Calamity which only complicated things for them and soon their bickering with the beast tribes can turn into an all-out war which is why they might need more people to deal with it when the time comes.

Now, all that remained was Limsa Lominsa.

Merlwyb's speech was about freedom, how their nation was fighting for it for seven centuries since they came to La Noscea and how they would like to keep their freedom until their very last breath.

And with the guidance of the Navigator, this great vessel of ours shall ride the waves till sea swallows all!

Alphinaud spoke to Pi once more, mentioning that Lominsans have a lot of blood feuds betweens the factions that comprise the city-state, not to mention the two beast tribes, kobold and Sahagin that both want to take the place for themselves and are planning on summoning their respective Primals to help them with that. All that made them quite an easy target for Garleans which is why they would be needing more men soon, "drenching the Maelstrom standard a deeper shade of crimson ere long".

Freedom is also something that Pi as a character have been craving for because of his passion for travel and exploring, but he wasn't the person to kill somebody for it... but I didn't want to disappoint Merlwyb so I ended up choosing Maelstrom in the end. Sorry Kan-E and Raubahn ;w;

Next up we see Alphinaud and his twin sister Alisaie talk about the speeches between themselves. The sister says how those remembrance ceremonies (because yes, these speeches were dedicated for those celebrations) didn't talk much about the Calamity and were mostly about "standart-waving rallies" while the brother remarks how they didn't even mention the Warriors of Light, as if they chose to omit their deeds in saving their realm in order to move on from the Calamity. Alisaie did not agree that was a right choice.

She couldn't stand it all and chose to find a different way "to cute ails of this world", the twins going their own separate ways. For now, at least.

And then it was the time to get my chocobo.

Say hello to Eorzean Axl by the name of Gingerhead. I made him into Pi's horsebird lol.

Then I did the next msq quest which was Sylph Management which allowed me to unlock Summoner and Scholar. I went on to do... Summoner one before continuing the main story.

"Huh? But didn't you choose Arcanist to then unlock a Healer job?" Yes, I did, but I realized that I actually have a Healer anxiety and that I probably won't play as a Healer much anyway, plus beating MSQ as a Healer will be pain so YUP, I chose violence.

First chain of SMN quests was OK. Kinda cool, but not memorable. Even thought our quest companion was Y'shtola's sister.

And to conclude this entry, have this hilarious screenshot.

We will be dealing with sylphs next.

[frogadir]

Genuine question what is it about cos that you love so much, ive been following you for years and i got into 03 lately and i'm interested to hear your perspective

Hello this is the funniest ask I've gotten in a long time so thank you I'm being 100% serious. I got several paragraphs into answering this and then I realized maybe bullet points would be fine because no one wants to read all of that

I am jewish (Very Important Context)

Due to my jewish upbringing and personal experience with spirituality I was primed to see it wherever I looked

I watched/read all three versions fma when I was 13 and became obsessed with edgelord elric due to my #emo #depressed middle schooler sensibilities

But also because he was very jewish to me. the sparknotes on this are: atheism despite having met god. tree of life on his gate of truth. also google jacob wrestling with the angel. That literally happened to edward elric. Also manga hohenheim is arguably jewish that's a different post though.

Edward elric continues to occupy my mind for the next three years

I get more depressed and jewish and also become interested in art from and about ww.i and its aftermath

Now I am age 16 and cos gets recommended to me on youtube. like someone just uploaded the entire movie

That was the one bit of fma I never got around to so I was like okay let's check it out

I watch a movie that feels like it was created in a lab to cause as much psychological damage to me as possible

I hate it but I'm 16 and obsessed with how depressed and gay edward elric looked in it and I think to myself I have to look like him and this influences the way I dress and wear my hair from that moment on

Wait edward elric (jewish) was fighting nazis (real) ???

I watch it again

Edward elric (jewish) went to weimar germany (real) in 1923 and stopped the na.zis (real) from invading the parallel world he's from on the night of a (real) (historical) failed na.zi uprising. He stays in our (real) world and it is implied he continues to not only fight na.zis (real) but advocate against the use of nuclear weapons (real)

So absurd I can't stop thinking about it

Seven years later here we are

If you asked me if I thought it was a good movie I wouldn't even be able to give you a straight answer like from a technical standpoint yes the animation is great the music is great… however there is more to a movie than just pictures and sounds… the pictures and sounds come together to tell a story… and the story here is. Well their hearts were in the right place. I think. I think it's got a generally anti-na.zi message but on a first watch it was definitely strange to see that element mixed with a fictional world in the way that it was. I hate that they tried to make us feel bad for alfons he knew what he was doing idgaf that he just wanted to build rockets 🥺 Having the roma character secretly work with the na.zis was. hmm idk about that. but holy shit am I glad they used the word roma. Making bradley's real-world doppleganger not only be jewish but a Real Life jewish man was also a choice! One thing I actually find interesting that a lot of people hate is that they made doppleganger hughes a na.zi... like in 03 they do say that those who benefit from violence and refuse to oppose it are complicit in it... dude was Just Following Orders as a soldier in a genocidal military like him being a real life na.zi makes more sense than a lot of things in cos 😭

Is there anything else I should add. The theme of dreams vs reality and what that has to do with ed's emotional journey is interesting. Winry looked awesome too. Love how al becomes ed and ed becomes their mother. Hohenheim envy chew toy was funny. I like when ed crashes the car. I like the scene where it's implied he drank himself to sleep. Lost heaven is a great song.

So like... I wouldn't say that I "love" cos... but there are many things about it that are so fascinating to me I can't look away... it's certainly provided me with a lot of entertainment... and cos ed is peak... I hope this answers your question 😭

[himebushou]

I finished watching Shaman King 2021 yesterday! Some scattered thoughts on Episodes 38-52!

So much happened in this episode but absolutely everything has been wiped from my brain because WHAT is Marco's battle outfit —

Episode 38

Episode 39

I really need Team The Ren to win this fight!

Yoh finally gets to share his big news, lol

Man, the X-Laws' reveal was a big deal but again, it went at a 100 miles an hour so there wasn't much space/time to absorb everything... and I can't believe how huge that table has gotten, lol

Marco is. A dope.

Episode 40

For me, a Team Horohoro fan, this episode was... truly a lot. I want to know his full story (and despite what Yoh and Ren say, I know that they do, too). He was seriously amazing and guh, just such a fantastic character. I loves the kanji and etymology lesson from Hao, too.

I'm still kinda shocked that Yoh is back in the Shaman Fight as I thought that his being out of the game was a massive divergence that was going to set the series apart, but the way things have worked out is pretty cool!

And the Five Elemental warriors are gonna come from Gandhara, huh? Nice!

The new ending is GORGEOUS. Whoa whoa.

(Also, finally getting some closure for why Yoh has felt so off — poor chilled boy is so stressed.)

Episode 41

hjdjd THIS OST IS OUTSTANDING

I think Marco is dead dead (unless he'll be revived?) and phew, the stuff with the X-Laws' satellite was cool! ALTHOUGH. I'm wondering what the heck they saw that made Hao so damn angry.

Sati doesn't waste any time taking prisoners fjdk

YOH VS HIS ANCESTOR? NICE NICE NICE!

Honestly, some moments have been jawdropping fjhfh

And Oh!Oni was back! And beloved Matamune!

I love this Yoh and Amidamaru focus, eee

Episode 42

I am just becoming increasingly incoherent EVERYTHING IS SO EXCITING but phew, so many people kicked the bucket in this ep?

I am emo about Yohsen oh maaan

I CAN'T BELIEVE THERE HAS BEEN THIS BIG SECRET ALLIANCE BETWEEN GANDARA AND THE PARENTS AND MATAMUNE FHDJ YOWWW

Episode 43

And now one of Manta's relatives is getting in on the action and trying to nab the Great Spirit PHEWWW

Jun having trained with Sati? Whoa! And having the mana to resurrect THREE people? When Faust could only do one? I have some questions, but I'm happy my girl is involved!

But since Anna has also mastered the Ultra Senji Ryakketsu, surely she should also be able to resurrect people?

This is so wild but it's exciting so I'll roll with it!

Episode 44

ANNA VS HAO and there are still so many secrets there? THE TENSION.

And then the coffee!! I'm so glad that Yohsen is somehow still around fjfjf

Though damn, Hao, you cheapskate: pay your damn bill!

Tao Ran and Tao Yúan on screen together, yahoo! (Flipping heck, I loved those moments when Ren was so embarrassed about his family cheering him on, lolol)

BUT BLOODY HELL THIS BATTLE. TBH I really want Team The Ren to win because I do feel that they've got Yoh outclassed... the Ren/Horo lightning/ice combo is just too good. Though wow, Horohoro is MAD.

Episode 45

I'm so close to the end and I'm so sad!

Phew, so we find out which elements the boyos are going to have! I was fully expecting Yoh to have fire, so I was super surprised that it'll be Lyserg instead. Joco with the 'Wind of Change' makes sense, as does Ren with lightning (though I'm surprised that this was an element over metal, tbh, especially since Ren made some comments about Yoh's mastery of metal where Spirit of Sword was concerned) and Horohoro with water. Yoh as the sturdy earth guy is good.

(I'm slightly angsty for Ryu... there wasn't much of an explanation from Sati and Gandhara about precisely why the Elemental Warriors had to be kiddos, apart from the established conversation about adults knowing their ceilings. I assume that there's a bit more detail in the manga.)

This fight against the rest of the world, though? Huh, dramatic! I'm a bit sketchy about the whole laser thing becaaause I thought that was spiritual energy that was fired at the island, but it couldn't have been if the whole world is aware of it? So I have questions!

Everyone chillding in the hot spring is so cute, good gracious.

Episode 46

Wow, show's over. Hao is the Shaman King.

Episode 47

HOW is this going to wrap up in a satisfying way when we still have another 8 Patch Officiants to get through djdjd the Lyserg OST hits so haaaard...

Episode 48

Waaaa the adults are having a barbecue and the kids are fighting for their lives and we are losing healers left and right and Opacho can read minds and there are still SO MANY REVELATIONS crikeyyyy

Episode 49

The tone changes are so odd to keep up with; one second, Redseb and Seyrarm are dying and the next, Kalim is bringing everyone dinner and the guys are taking a break to recover mana when it's been explicitly stated they have 15 hours to save the world! This is so whack to me.

WAIT I nearly missed that there was a ton of stuff after the credits and djhff Horohoro doesn't like his full name?

TIME FOR MY BOY'S BACKSTORYYYY

Episode 50

Oh man, the way Tamiko died was actually harrowing and then she's revealed to be Kororo and Ren's just like. Horohoro is now in dope mode we must ignore him fhfjjlfj

Ren has been taking on most of these fights and his battle against Nichrom was swift, but cool; I loved Joco vs Thalim though — and Thalim himself was adorable!

Episode 51

ALL THE ELEMENTAL SPIRITS VS HAO!

I'm weeping Shaman King is so special the whole thing is just WE WILL DEFEAT THE BADDIE WITH THE POWER OF LOVE.

urgh urgh this OST!!

I'M NOT REAAADY DOR THIS TO END

Episode 52

I definitely cried during the last episode because parts of the ending were so beautiful; everyone coming together to show Hao that he could be saved — that salvation is in accepting your humanity and believing in the humanity of others. And I found Hao's mother's words so freaking soothing... I'm glad that Hao missing his mother was foreshadowed earlier, but we could have had more of that, I think.

And sure, they haven't fixed the world by 2007, but that is OKAY — most of them are around 22 and at that age, I was a wreck! So they have time and their lives to look forward to and... and I guess I disagree with the folks who say that the end of Shaman King is bad because they feel 'everything was pointless'; there's a lot to do and, even with guardian ghosts, shamans can't do everything alone.

I think this is an anime I could definitely rewatch, at some point. Wow. I love these characters and, as much as I griped about this, that and the other, I loved this story.

And I think it's so interesting that Yoh just. Didn't end up as the Shaman King djbdfh that;s definitely not what I was expecting!