#i am distraught actually
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I am socially anxious but for some reason I got a boost of confidence and talked to a girl with a lesbian pin.
We got along well and I asked her if she wanted to get to know each other more since like, she's gay and I'm gay and we can see where it goes, and she said: "Oh I'm not gay, I just really liked the colors".
So anyways I'm never talking to girls again.
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thinking about how little compassion buck probably has for Buck 1.0 still to this day......thinking about how he still views that version of himself as just this fuck up instead of a young man with heaps & heaps of trauma who was given absolutely zero tools to deal with any of it......thinking about the disdain with which he said "you mean you don't want him to end up like ME" about chris in 7x01......
#sibyl speaks#he's like it's ok im EVOLVED now#but he does not understand how all the stuff he hated about himself back then#were symptoms of the shit he's still working through#he has still not forgiven himself for any of it#we KNOW buck's self-esteem still sucks and this is a big part of it.#he does not know how to love himself because he can't love that version of himself#IUGHOBEGHLBJHEHS#im actually distraught why did you guys make me think about this.......#I AM SUPPOSED TO BE WRITING SMUT RIGHT NOW
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I’m going to hurl myself into the sun this is so sad
#buddy daddies#buddy daddies spoilers#kazuki kurusu#miri unasaka#misaki unasaka#rei suwa#alexa play slipping through my fingers by abba#or don’t actually because I am distraught
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cw blood (it's mild)
Promise
Another collab with @zepart-st3r !!
#one piece#roronoa zoro#vinsmoke sanji#zoro#sanji#zosan#blood cw#zosan death pact#y'all i am morally against tagging sanji as vinsmoke but... he kinda actually is this time and i am distraught about it#please appreciate william's lovely color choices for the background im obsessed with that green
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Every time I think about Kawoshin my heart aches and I have to log off and reconnect with nature and empty my mind in order to stop myself from breaking into tears. Like I’m being so serious when I say I don’t think I’ve ever been so emotionally impacted by a fictional ship in my life 😭
#neon genesis evangelion#nge#neon genesis evangelion spoilers#nge spoilers#spoilers upcoming in the tags be careful I’m warninggg youuuu warning warning warning#so I’ve completely finished the anime and am watching the rebuilds now#and I’m at the part where Kaworu is abt to die and i fr had to shut off the show like idk if I’ll even be able to finish it 😭#like I’m genuinely distraught#yk what I don’t think I’ve been this impacted by a characters death in a WHILE#like usually I get sad but I power through#but this has me in such a state of devastation that I genuinely don’t know if I’ll even be able to finish it 😭#when the story is so good it has you in a state of genuine emotional distress and panic#I should reblog this when I actually get through the rebuilds bc I bet you I’ll put it off for months#they are happy and alive in my heart 😞#lorddd the piano scene gutted me. and them watching the stars#CRYING WEEPINH……GOOD LORDDDD THEY MAKE ME MISERABLE 🙁🙁#kawoshin#kaworu nagisa#shinji ikari
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thavnair adventures
#ffxiv#ff14#estinien wyrmblood#thancred waters#urianger augurelt#tataru taru#eris naydra#endwalker spoilers#endwalker has been absolutely incredible so far i'm actually speechless o|-<#THE ESTINIEN MOMENTS.. i am being so well fed#unfortunately i have reached a point in msq where i am no longer laughing. in fact i am extremely distraught#[weakly] lets gooOOo#edit: i forgot to tag estinien. my mind
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Finished the Penacony story and my heart fr stopped at THIS MOMENT
THAT??? That’s love.
And then she LITERALLY died for us.
#stellefly#honkai star rail#hsr#penacony spoilers#penacony#ofc she didn't JUST die for us#also she didn't... actually die...#but the romance of her being the one to save us from the dream is MUAH MUAH#stelle's like “my knight in shining armor 🥰”#firefly she's so amazing she deserves her own post and I'm giving it to her btw#SHE IS SUCH A COMPELLING CHARACTER OUTSIDE OF HER RELATIONSHIP WITH THE TRAILBLAZER AND I'M TIRED OF PPL PRETENDING SHE ISN'T#I knew about the princess carry but them flying through the air with fireworks I didn't know that was real OMOAAMFLMSD#THEY'RE SOULMATES#stelfly#steltaru#fireblazer#sparkle ships them so hard. also acheron.#PENACONY FINALE WAS SO FIRE????????#I LOVE Acheron taking on the role of Charon like OMG her story is so sad and she's genuinely so sweet I WILL DIEEEEEE#AND THE OAK SIBLINGS????? I'M DISTRAUGHT#I MISS MISHA SO BAD. HIM LEAVING CLOCKIE WAAAAAAAA. I'M SO MISERABLE HE CAN'T VISIT THE EXPRESS ANYMORE I AM DAMAGED#my son he don't even exist!!#chriterary classics
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please say more about jilypad + diverging parenting styles... perhaps even a possible scenario >:) i imagine harry has very cunning tactics for using this to his advantage
helloooooo <3 thank u for this ask bc i love talking about these three and harry. i went looking thru the archives to find this post; my first foray into this side, and really, i’ve never looked back after that.
so i’ve talked ab this a bit before but i fully think that james was a very overprotective ‘mother hen’ type parent. i tend to read his behaviour in lily’s bday letter to sirius as being scared of his child on a broomstick and i fully, fully think he’ll never be able to let go of that as harry grows up. he’ll be anxious and suspicious and paranoid, and his first instant will always be to wrap harry up in cotton wool and hide him away. (i low-key connect this to his childhood as well; going from being spoiled and sheltered to dropped in the middle of a war, black & white thinking, living in extremes etc etc makes it v hard for him to be Normal about his child. as he shouldn’t be, really, but yeah) that’s why he thrives during the initial years; he never minds the hard parts of being a new parent, loves it in fact, and it makes it better that he can keep harry close to him at all times w/o coming off as a helicopter parent (not that the notion bothers him ofc).
it’s good, then, that he has two partners to even the scales, no? i think lily was the most…balanced out of the three. she had a relatively normal childhood, grew up in a working class family/neighbourhood and had to deal w adversity from a young age so she’s developed a nice, thick skin. she also has a sibling with whom she has a v rocky relationship so she knows that kids are, ykno, a bit unhinged. and a little bit of hardship is not a problem. i hc her as needing time to get used to parenthood, unlike james who stepped into it natural as breathing, or even sirius who loved harry on much on first sight that it made up for everything else. ofc lily loved her son, but it didn’t come w the same blinding intensity of her partners and made her feel really shitty in the beginning. but, i think she’d shine during his teen years actually, because she’s not overbearing or intense and becomes the quiet, calm strength that a hormonal, spotty teen boy would probably need.
and sirius <3 our poor baby falls in love with harry, perhaps even more quickly than james, with such startling speed that it shakes his entire foundation. he doesn’t regret it but he’s constantly discombobulated. i also imagine that…it takes him longer to settle into the role of parent, esp bc he’s not biologically one ykno? not like it matters to anyone, ofc, but it takes him a long time to truly accept his authority and place, to believe that he has just as much right as j&l to be there, to parent harry. this has the consequence of him always being more indulgent than the other two; after all, he considered himself a godfather before a parent and a lot of that thinking stayed. he lets harry get away with stuff the others might not (and the little mf figures this out later); some of it also comes from sirius seeing so much shit, and facing so much shit himself, that he rationalises a lot of stuff as ‘well, this isn’t the worst it can be, so what’s the harm’ (because his life has been such a roller coaster that he’s forgotten that not everyone’s like that, if that makes sense?)
its obviously not this clear cut but i imagine harry looks at it like this: if he needs unconditional love, he goes to james; rationality and logic, lily; acceptance and calm, sirius. when someone has to be beat up for hurting harry, james steps in. if he needs help burying a body, it’s sirius. dealing with some asshole boss/teacher/classmate’s mother who’s making harry’s life hell? lily. i can keep going but,,,u get the idea, right? this makes sense, i hope lol
i actually think harry’s first birthday is a great example. sirius pushes the boundaries by gifting lil harry a broom; james loses his mind running after him; lily places an industrial sticking charm on harry’s butt, leans back with a glass of wine, and enjoys the show. even as he grows up, lily and james act as the disciplinarian, and sirius is the emotional outlet. all of them fill in each other’s cracks so well, and it’s only when harry grows up that he realises how effortlessly they worked off each other to parent him.
also oh man o man. harry being cunning is,,,,,see, i’ve not considered it this far but it makes perfect sense. i think canon harry actually had so much manipulative energy and it’s often overlooked for his goofier traits but! this is the same dude who used his dead parents to trick slughorn into revealing sensitive info! imagine if that could be channelled into his jilypad interactions 😈
it’s like, it takes him a bit, because his three parents r so smooth, but once he realises that all of them have certain weak spots, he does NOT hesitate to exploit them. (it has the unintended consequence of truly strengthening the jilypad relationship into an unbreakable one bc one thing their kid taught them is to have ironclad communication going at all times so nothing they’ve said, or not said, is used against them). so like, he knows if he wants to sneak out to a party, it has to be sirius and in a specific way—‘i’ll be totally safe, papa, plus i really wanna see what it’s like and idk when it’ll get a chance to again’. if he widens his eyes to pitiful levels, pouts a little, and blinks faster than usual, then james is putty in his arms as long as he’s separated from the other two. divide and conquer becomes the main tool in harry’s arsenal, actually. lily’s the toughest nut to crack, purely bc she doesn’t run on emotions or irreverence, but harry soon learns that if he comes up with a solid, logical case that proves his argument has unbiased merit then he has a good chance of getting her to say yes. (this is good, bc u can arrange words in the correct order, but u can’t always control emotions)
so overall yeah, you’d think one kid + 3 parents would be an easy bet, but harry keeps them on their toes all the fkn time.
#sirius black#james potter#lily evans#jilypad#harry potter#i knew before i even started this that it would be ridiculously long lmao#i just cannot bring myself to shut up#wrt lily and harry’s baby years#i feel v v strongly ab motherhood not coming naturally to her#and becoming a very sore point for her. bc she sees james and sirius and she keeps blaming herself for being an unfeeling robot#when she’s not. she just thinks more logically than them and doesn’t feel as strongly. that doesn’t make her a bad mother#and no matter what j & s say a small part of always thinks like that. until the teen years. and suddenly the dynamics r reversed#bruh i think i need help it’s not even funny how not hinged i am for this trio lmao#there also! padfoot!#a while ago i wrote a lil thing. but i fully believe that whenever harry was emotionally distraught he’d actually go to padfoot#bc he needed someone to just. sit. and be there. while he’s processed emotions#and lily would be too ruthlessly logical and james would be fretting and trying to fix it and sirius would panic. just a little.#but padfoot is a warm comforting weight agains this side and he just lets him be. it’s grounding.#so harry always. without fail. does that#it’s actually 3.5 parents lmao#i do wonder what their parenting fights would about if any. hmmmm. my glasses are too rose tinted for me to consider it#a thought for another day#anyway. hope this endless rambling made sense! and that u liked it!#would love to hear ur thoughts too <3#pen’s notes#pen’s asks
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waTcH goOd oMeNs they said
ItS goT DavId tEennAnT they said
YoU loVeD hiM iN doCtOr WhO they said
YEA WELL NOW I LOVE CROWLEY EVEN MORE AND I LOVE AZIRAPHALE TOO AND I WANT THEM TO HUG AND HOLD HANDS AND RUN THE BOOK SHOP AND BE IN LOVE BUT NOOOOOOO
This is honestly a close second to how upset I felt after Roses finale like guys what the hell can Mr Tennant please be in one show where I can just watch him and his love interest be happy????
#why did you have to hurt me this way#good omens will be the death of me#when is season 3#please just make out#I am actually distraught#my post#good omens#Crowley#aziraphale#crowley x aziraphale#David tennant#micheal sheen#doctor who#season 2 spoilers
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Some more cowboy sketches because art block is hitting and I can't force myself to make any actual drawing 🤠
#i also finally got cod#so i cant say i never played it anymore#and i am incredibly distraught to say that i actually like Philip Graves 😔#that American rat is just pathetic enough for me to love him#he's such a soggy bastard man#a pathetic boy#a little skrungly#skrungly little meow meow#my ugly little war criminal <3#so pathetic and wet and soggy#my babygirl#also why is Gaz so pretty#like holy shit that man is drop dead gorgeous#live laugh love kyle garrick#simon ghost riley#call of duty#ghost#ghost cod#john soap mactavish#ghost call of duty#soap cod#kyle gaz garrick#kyle garrick#phillip graves#graves cod#cowboy soap#cowboy ghost#cowboy gaz#cowboy graves#my art
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there's something soooo poetic, beautiful, heartbreaking, etc etc about stellan being referred to as a polestar (aka a guiding star, often used my sailors for navigation) and two of the people he's closest to seeing the force as water, as the sea (elzar and vernestra)
#this post is worded very calmly but just know that i AM having a breakdown about it. like actually on my hands and knees DISTRAUGHT#i won't be shutting up about this any time soon i can tell you that#stellan gios#elzar mann#vernestra rwoh#firebrands#star wars#the high republic#thr spoilers#mik reads the high republic
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sabrina carptener you were sent by the devil for making your dates that are the exact times i’m in LA
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People have been talking about Gortash's face all the time on this website. I thought I was ready to meet him for real in Act 3. I wasn't ready - because NONE OF YOU warned me about this man's boots. What the hell?
I didn't listen at all to what was happening because these boots were just... why are they like this? What are their purpose? Why are they red? Nothing else on his outfit is red? How can he walk in these without face-planting at least once every few steps? Do you guys think that maybe, just maybe... Gortash's boots have seen everything too?
#Enver Gortash#bg3#bg3 act 3#I am actually so distraught#but seriously - why are they like this#baldur's gate 3
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oh to parallel the main couple of our silly lil tragic romcom shoujo manga story me and who
#I already did one post pointing out all the hanako/nene mitsuba/kou parallels and I WILL do it again if necessary#PLEASEEE I AM SO DISTRAUGHT#ALL THE MITSUKOU CONTENT WE ARE GETTING AFTER SO MUCH OF NOTHING LAST ARC WE ARE BEING SO FED#Mitsuba and Nene's friendship is actually so important they both are going through it with their SO's fr#mitsuba#mitsukou#jshk#jibaku shounen hanako kun#manga#jshk spoilers
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Nothing bad could’ve happened after this, RIGHT?!
#the episode is called master and student I SHOULD’VE CALLED IT#oh wait it’s called student and master that makes it so much worse#I AM SO DISTRAUGHT RN#never recovering actually#shion not being able to save another one of his students is GUTTING ME#nurugai having to add tenza to the long list of people she couldn’t save#yamada asaemon tenza#hells paradise#concha posts
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im also increasingly sure that im autistic but we'll never ever confirm that </3
#i had this in person entry exam to a new university to a course that involves working with people young and old#and Apparently waiting for your turn to speak means you never get a turn to speak which means you're not the right fit to be working with#children. i was polite sorry i didnt get in your face about it. come on. :-/#but ok i shall remain the world's most distraught humanities student for a year more. and im going to complain the whole time#i Was excited about this but i did misjudge what this course would be like. bummer. at least the teachers at btk are sweet and lovely#but god let me out. i dont want to do this. i dont want to do any of this. someone give me a thesis question that can't be dealt with in#two sentences#every time i think of something it's like oh yeah the answer is right here. this is the answer and im not going to make a fool of anyone in#writing 15 pages about it#which is admittedly not a lot but i am a man of succinctness and i want an actual worthy topic#and currently im only thinking about jeeves and wooster. i guess there could be something about societal commentary and everything but thats#not very interesting is it#so hi if anyone has an idea they want a meddling english student to research and write about in some detail chime in in the replies#my post#look how succinct these tags are. proving my point#as to why ill never get diagnosed: i could get into that as well but ive almost run out of tags
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