#i am desperate for feedback
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allylikethecat · 1 year ago
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Chapters: 7/9 Fandom: The 1975 (Band) Rating: Not Rated Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings Relationships: George Daniel/Matthew Healy Characters: Matthew Healy, George Daniel, Ross Macdonald Additional Tags: Hurt/Comfort, Heavy Angst, Hospitalization, Drug Abuse, Suicide Attempt Series: Part 1 of The Infection 'Verse Summary:
“I don’t like going there,” Matty responded, jutting his chin out with false confidence. He didn’t have many clear memories of going to A&E, but the hazy snippets were from a dark time. He was sixteen and downed an entire bottle of his mother’s sleeping pills. He was twenty one and had alcohol poisoning. He was twenty four and broke his wrist, falling while a toxic mix of drunk and high. He was twenty six and he ODed for the first time. He was twenty seven and George had broken his shoulder, Matty sitting shaking with fear and withdrawal in the waiting room. He was twenty seven and ODed a second time. He was twenty seven and admitted to detox. He was twenty eight and had relapsed. He was thirty and had food poisoning, throwing up everything he had ever even considered eating ever. He really didn’t want to go to A&E.
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The nine times Matty went to A&E and why he doesn't want to go now.
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AKA The A&E Fic™️
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sircantus · 2 months ago
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Hi! Do you have a beta for your fics? Or do you just release them into the wild without outside feedback first?
Oh yeahh no i just straight up post my chapters with only myself as my own proofreader. No beta i die like cwilbur. A while back i think?? I used to ask for people to look over my writing? Like as i was still making the chapters i would tweet “would anyone like to look over this i cant tell if its good” and if they said yet i instantly sent them a google doc. But im really impatient and i have to usually post my things the second they are done so thats why i didnt always bother with the feedback as i made it
Technically im now on a posting schedule so i could theoretically get a proper beta reader now but like. I fear being perceived in the proximity of my google doc
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abby-the-druid · 15 days ago
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Technicolor 6
In which Sasuke discovers tongues and Sakura is met with a supernova.
read on ao3 and ff.net.
prev. chapter
Preview:
Then.
Sakura, Sasuke found as the days blended into weeks, did indeed share smiles with strangers as if it was as easy for her as breathing. Small talk came to her as though it were second nature, effortlessly offering feedback to their fellow classmates about their art, providing analysis linking past and current events in their history class, and asking clarifying questions during calculus. It made Sasuke’s head spin, thinking about how many words she shared with people she didn’t know, how often she slipped into a smile and offered support to someone she only recognized as an acquaintance.
He understood that he fell into this latter category, though reflecting on that fact made his stomach twist uncomfortably and a bleak pit to bloom under his navel.
He found himself sitting in front of her in their history class, contained in another musty room with subpar lighting. But with the way the professor valued active learning, their desks were often pushed together and he sat across from her radiation green eyes as she smiled and shared her ideas with the other two members of their four-person squad. He refused to admit that a flicker of jealousy licked at his gut every time she blessed their idiot classmates with a smile or her attention. The boy who was partial to wearing green jumpsuits with a severe bowl cut and thick eyebrows had the ability to make her laugh, a sharp yet pleasant sound that bubbled from her chest, and Sasuke felt himself drowning in the noise, desperately wishing he had the ability to share that part of himself so freely or the skill to draw such mirth from the elf girl.
Their calculus class was bursting at the seams with students, so many were crammed into the small space that as Sasuke sat beside Sakura, their shoulders brushed, which seemed to regularly catch the quiet attention of their silver haired, navy masked professor. The first forty-five-minute period she apologized softly every time she bumped into him, a light pink color dusting her cheeks as her green eyes fluttered between Dr. Hatake, Sasuke, and her notebook. The second-class period she lost some of this embarrassment, simply sent him a lopsided smile as an apology. By the third class, she nudged closer to his side to avoid the sharp elbows of the student to her right.
Sasuke did not take this as a small victory.
He assumed Sakura just didn’t want to be constantly jostled by her other seat mate.
Telling himself this did not stifle the warmth that tinged his ears when she pressed softly against his side, smelling like daisies and coffee.
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selfinflictedgunshotwound · 4 months ago
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sorry for only saying this type of shit lately but i kinda wanna drive a car straight into a brick wall at the highest speed possible
#trying to keep it together so bad because i already know the problems and solutions and whatnot but i cannot do anything#i desperately just need to do something. accomplish any task. actually several would be nice. but i cannot stand just letting life go by#while i watch other people have the things i want. or even metaphorically living my dream like. that should be me why am i settling for thi#i hate even talking about this because i feel so stupid when i know it's not even a real tangible problem and that i actually DO have real#problems to tackle and the ability to do so but i'm choosing to be upset over the stupidest things i could possibly be sad about#and i can't even be sad about it in a normal way i'm cycling through like several different reactions to smth that isn't even real#or if it is real i literally do not have tanglible evidence for it one way or another like i'm driving myself insane for no reason#i can't even get catharsis because all i'm doing is digging a deeper hole for something i never should've gone back into in the first place#because i KNOW how i am i KNOW how i react to things and i still chose to do it lmao.#and i continue to choose to go through this shit instead of actively trying to change my life because... i'm lazy? and stupid? idk#negative self-talk isn't gonna get me to do anything either so let's just say i'm feeling particularly unmotivated like usual#i hated being a teenager but i really do miss when all my problems just amounted to 'someone was mean to me on tumblr today :(' or i failed#a test in chemistry or something. like i yearn for that simplicity becasue at this point all i'm doing is ruining my own life LMAO#i'm too scared to live i'm too scared to die so i just sit here and fantasize that life could be amazing if i wait#and i'll magically get everything i've ever wanted if i just wait long enough. and i know it isn't true and i still wait for it to happen.#because honestly like. i think deep down i am just convinced i will fail at anything i do when that shouldn't be what scares me.#what scares me should be never even allowing myself to fail because i never tried to do anything at all with myself or my life#like. wake the fuck up. get off your ass and put in the effort. learn some skills. gain independence and stability and discipline and do it#just live please i'm begging you just live so i can be happy don't i deserve to be happy... why am i not letting myself be happy#i'm literally keeping myself trapped in this negative feedback loop ON PURPOSE because teehee shiny toy#and it doesn't matter if the love is real it doesn't matter how i feel like i'm just using it as a distraction i can't say it's motivation#because it's barely motivated me at all. i have to start being realistic. 25 & just realizing you actually have to participate in your life#anyways. i've cried i've agonized i've pictured killing myself in 30 different ways. i think the only way i'm gonna feel better is#to just actually try this time without giving up. wish me luck
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noxious-fennec · 4 months ago
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HI. HELLO. WHO ARE THE GAY PEOPLE COMMITTING CANNIBALISM ON MY DASH. i’m so obsessed with that pose and the way you draw them is so so so so. yeah. they look very very cool and also i’m NORMAL i would love to hear about them :)
YES HI HELLO thank you FINALLY
Those are Sebastien Carollo (left) and André Madiot (right); the protagonists of a historical literary duology im working on; set in the late 60s, exploring themes of personhood, unhealthy relationships, & queer identity ! It's really hard to talk about cause so much happens, but for you friend, I will try;
Sebastian grew up neglected, becoming a pathological deceiver, detached from the world around him and only recognising people in relation to himself; believing that real love is making others a part of him. 
That's with the exception of his abusive older brother Teodore who makes up the other end of the duality according to which he asses people; and who he ate out of what he deludes himself into thinking is love, but is clear envy for the kind of person he could've never become. He hid this fact for many years and suppressed all further urges, never allowing himself to love again.
Then, summer ‘67, Sicily; he meets André—might as well be a reincarnation of Teo—and his girlfriend Juliette dubois, while they happen to be on family vacation. Sebastian is immediately obsessed with André but, in poor judgement, tries to get to him through his girlfriend resulting in him being stuck in a loveless relationship with Juliette and alienating André. 
The first book starts 2 years later, 1969, Paris; Sebastian, a working dentist, trying to get out of the relationship and only falling deeper, simultaneously working through building a relationship with André through his younger sister Liliane, in whom he sees himself...
And i must stop there or we'll be here all day! I do say all that psychological stuff in the begining is very implicit; the man does not do a shred of self reflection, and relays the story where he abuses the people he's in love with as if it's hallmark romcom. That's why this synopsis is short on nuance, he does not give a shit about the inner lives of others, he doesnt even perceive them!
There's homoerotic fights, there's cannibalism, there's leaving your wedding to cover up a crime for a man youre in love with who does not love you back! I hope you enjoyed hearing about them!! Ive been working on this story for well over a year now and I'm very very insane about them :)
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chainofclovers · 1 year ago
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Being a human is literally like this weird combo of being okay and not okay that goes on forever except there is also death
#(i'm fine)#(personally) (mostly) (really)#this has just been an absolutely terrible year for our planet and its people and animals#and it's fucking insane that as an american living in relative safety and comfort and experiencing the pleasures and guilt of that...#...i can experience this horrible yet ENTIRELY SURVIVABLE blend of acute pain over so many things at once#including war and genocide and the utter hopelessness of that#and also things like being really really sad that matthew perry's life was so hard and he died#and also so many bad and weird things have happened to family members this year but we mostly have the resources to come together and deal#which is amazing and bolstering and exhausting#and my brain still has space to be excited about writing and numb to writing and angry/impotent about writing#desperate for feedback yet private and retreat-y and weird#always hoping to hit upon The Perfect Thing :-/#and i live in a place that basically is not a democracy any more and also the u.s. is so cursed we've never been what we said we were#so a lot of my own perceived safety is incredibly fragile#but still so much more solid than what the people i am mourning for had#and none of the comparisons make a lick of sense and are in and of themselves deeply unfair#to the point that it's humiliating to feel guilt (making it about me) and simultaneously humiliating that i don't feel guilt *constantly*#and i have therapy this week but also this deep sense that while my therapist will be a fine person to talk to it will feel unuseful#i've always been a muddle of optimism and pessimism and i am very adamant that life is super beautiful and this is precisely why...#...all the violence in the world is so brutally devastating#it's just that the casserole of all these thoughts feels increasingly horrible#and feeling that way is 100% sane#and even intersectional frameworks and intentional attempts at gentleness only get you so far in the grapple#for meaning and for ideas of what to do#so i end up contacting my reps about various awful things#and zooming in and out on my fixations and having excellent days and terrible days#often dependent on what feels like a camera setting i only partially control#and i'm sure i'm not alone in feeling embarrassed that deep empathy and grief for people i've not met somehow ends up being...#...at least a sliver about ME and my little world#about me
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gio-cosmo · 6 months ago
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HE LOOKS SO GOOFY IM GIGGLING
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celadonlonghorn · 1 year ago
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*big run ends* hey so how about that last splatfest lol. we're still talking about that right
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blujayonthewing · 2 months ago
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so in juniper's campaign we've just found ourselves in a high-stakes situation that I as a player do frankly find stressful and am anxious about, but hey hi also the DM was like 'okay here are the exact mechanics of how this is going to work because I don't want to surprise you with serious repercussions, also here are all the options you will have to try to do something about the situation-- [affected player] what do you think? honest feedback, I don't want it to feel unfair, I want to be clear that I am not just trying to kill your character, and if it ends up being badly balanced we can revisit it down the road' and oh my god I could COLLAPSE and WEEP with gratitude
#[tears in my fucking eyes] WHAT IF DND WAS GOOD!! WHAT IF A DM THAT'S GOOD!!!#LIKE I've said actually MOST of my DMs are good but because of the way this situation was presented specifically#where-- as NOT the affected player-- it does feel like the way it came up was a little unfair and I AM worried about the stakes--#I REALLY SPENT SO MUCH OF THAT ABOVE-TABLE TALK GOING OH WOW I FEEL LIKE OUR FRIEND ACTUALLY LOVES US AND WANTS THIS TO BE FUN!!#I DON'T KNOW THAT I AGREE WITH WHAT HE'S DOING HERE BUT I TRUST MY FRIEND AND IT'S SAFE FOR US TO TALK ABOUT THINGS LIKE THIS PLAYER TO DM!!#WOWIE THAT FEELS RELEVANT TO MY DND EXPERIENCE RIGHT NOW LMAO!!!#'I've looked at your stats and inventories to try to make this serious but balanced but if it doesn't work we can retool it'#'I want to be extremely clear that this situation could kill destal so I want to be extremely sure that you're comfortable with that--#-- and with how the mechanics are designed around it'#I am fucking. on my KNEES WEEPING. at the contrast with how punishing and DEEPLY unfun felix campaign has relentlessly been the whole time#and how little of a fuck it feels like THAT DM gives when he's like 'this random rolltable encounter was deadly :)'#'you guys didn't get hit last time and got all your spells back right?' uhhh wrong and wrong and we TALKED about that last time#are you gonna revisit the balance on your fifth in a row 'if you fail you'll TPK' scenario? no? yeah I figured lol#christ knows HE'S never invited feedback on his DMing. you KNOW I don't feel safe to say 'hey this doesn't feel fair or fun' with him#AND LIKE!! WITH A DM I TRUST I FEEL SAFE ENOUGH TO REALLY PLAY WITH SOMETHING TERRIBLE HAPPENING!! YAY YIPPEE STAKES AND PATHOS!!!#I don't just want nothing bad to happen ever! but I don't want it to feel careless or heartless or just... Not Fun#anyway. grasping william's hands so tightly. my beloved friend. my wonderful friend. what a relief to have a DM that's good#after the shit we've been through in our now most-frequently-run campaign#the thing I'm mad about is that destal has been making a mystery saving throw every night-- but this was imperceptible to the characters#so we weren't acting on it#and now that he's failed it three times the situation is 'okay NOW you will be maming a con save every night and accumulating exhaustion'#'which can't be removed by sleeping' [six levels of exhaustion Kill You]#so like!! well okay I wish we had had ANY way of knowing how urgent this was before we got to 'now there's a deadly countdown' BUT OKAY#but like I said. he clearly put a lot of thought into the math for the mechanics#he made sure that we DO actually have ANYTHING we can do to mitigate the condition and outlined several options specifically and clearly#he checked in with justin about whether that seemed fair and opened it for future retooling if necessary#so I'm just at 'that was kind of a rugpull dude :/' instead of DESPAIRING lmao#this is a level of Oh Shit that's juicy! this is a level of Oh Shit that might force dramatic character choices out of desperation!#THIS IS AN OH SHIT WHERE WE STILL GET TO PLAY DND ABOUT IT AND HAVE ANY AGENCY WHATSOEVER. WHAT A CONCEPT.#ANYWAY!!! GOOD DND SAVE ME!!!!!!!!!
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allylikethecat · 1 year ago
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Chapters: 1/1 Fandom: The 1975 (Band) Rating: Not Rated Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings Relationships: George Daniel/Matthew Healy Characters: Matthew Healy, George Daniel Additional Tags: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Drug Use, George washes Matty's hair Summary:
Matty wasn’t taking care of himself again. Whether it was because he was too high, or too depressed, or a toxic combination of the two, George wasn’t sure. He wasn’t eating, he wasn’t sleeping and George wasn’t sure when he had last taken a shower. But he was sure it had been too long since he had washed his hair, the dirty curls overgrown and tangled, hanging in a rat’s nest around his gaunt face.
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abby-the-druid · 2 months ago
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Technicolor Ch. 2
In which Sakura learns about the Sun and the Moon.
Read on ao3 and ff.
prev. chap. | next chap.
Preview:
“I’m sorry, could I borrow one of your cigarettes? I emptied my pack on the way here.” He noticed the small dimples peeking out from her cheeks and before he had time to think about it, he was obliging her. He gave her a cigarette and the green lighter he always carried with him. She fumbled trying to light the tobacco while one of her hands still held her coffee. The better mannered part of him thought he should offer to hold it for her, but he frowned at the idea. Soon she handed the BIC back to the boy and mumbled her thanks. Grey clouds puffed out of her pink, pink lips, and she fell into silence.
There was something awkward stirring in Sasuke’s blood, causing his heart to thump a bit faster and his palms to sweat. He glanced at her from the corner of his eyes. Amethyst hair and vivid green eyes. A green he had never seen another human being have before. They were leaf bright, elven eyes, comic book radiation seeped from them and incapacitated him.
He sighed.
Even though she was silent, she was almost as annoying as Naruto was.
Sasuke didn’t like colors. He was a boy who appreciated the normal girl. Medium height, medium build, nondescript. Maybe ordinary brown eyes that didn’t make a big fuss about themselves. He liked plain, he liked normal. Plain faces, simple eyes. That’s what he always thought was beautiful. He had only ever wanted a normal girl, there was already too much special in his family and he wanted no more of it. No more special, no more exotic, nothing remarkable. He was plain and boring. He wanted plain and boring.
But there she was, standing there quietly, not even trying to interact with him, and he couldn’t help but glance at her. Sakura was some sort of pixie creature with wild amethyst hair, elven green eyes, and slender hands that looked so wrong holding a cigarette. She was brilliant, bright, luminescent. She was remarkable.
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olipopsoda · 3 months ago
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i desire you romantically
Hello, I believe you accidentally sent this to the incorrect blog. This is the account for OLIPOP, A New Kind of Soda that Supports Digestive Health.
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dutybcrne · 4 months ago
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Those relationships where the characters are amicable exes who broke it off bc one or both had their respective traumas/emotional burdens they didn't want the other to feel responsible for, so they ended up repressing it all to the point where the distance that began to grow between them as a result was too insurmountable that they decided it was best to end things so, in their minds, the other could be free to pursue happiness without being 'burdened' by them. But both are even now still so very much in love with each other or at the very least hold a tender fondness and particularly Special protectiveness for each other that everyone can clearly see, no matter how much the two deny or brush it off by saying it would have never worked out in the end ( oh, but it COULD, it WOULD have if only they'd decided to TALK to each other, to be VULNERABLE with each other instead of just calling it quits ), despite every What If and If Only that crosses their minds every time their eyes meet.
Every time they see their longing mirrored in the other's eyes.
#//It is *chef's kiss* PERFECTION#☆ ┆ ( .ooc. );#//This is not actually abt any Genshin ships tho kjdfbgdkfg#//This is in fact abt J|yantefi Wu of the Wa#//Bc a friend showed me a thing and my angst loving ass went YES#//THAT IS EXACTLY THEIR VIBE#//But I screm abt it on here bc I like feedback kndngf#//Also bc this cou;d be a fun plot ig jhdhgkjfg#plot ideas#//There we go kjfgnbkg#//It's so sad and silly a plot; but I LOVE IT#//Bc ultimately; it's abt the characters coming to be VULNERABLE with their special person#//Of a BREAKING POINT where they can't take it; where ONE or BOTH of them decide to speak up bc they've had ENOUGH#//ENOUGH of playing around the issue; ENOUGH of dancing around each other; when all they'd ever wanna do is hold the other close again#//ENOUGH of watching others try & shoot their shot; feel a spike of panic & jealousy; desperately praying the other won't accept them#//Only to feel an IMMEDIATE rush of relief/self-satisfaction when the other looks over at them w/ the SOFTEST eyes & declines the advances#//And in the same breath; as if saying 'there's no doubt there won't ever be anyone but you. Don't you worry'#//Aaaand I am rambling nonsense byeeee#//dkjkngfkg#//My sister wants to drag me out to boba#//Meanwhile I'm tryna decide if I wanna do a open rp or a starter call for a certain blog of mine#//Unrelated to this idea mind you; but for another one instead#//Bc it made brain go brr kjfngf#//Open might be tricky bc it a multimuse...idk; we'll see what the feedback says kjgnfgh
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abronzeagegod · 1 year ago
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Untitled YA Novel Project Part One
Part One: The Silence Comes
The zlilfian people have many things in common with the average North American honey bee, from the gold and black hair patterns to the compound eyes and wings. One of the biggest things they have in common is not just the physical similarities, like how homo sapiens have commonalities with the great apes, but that of their social hierarchy. They have three tiers in their society, most similar to gender roles, that are that of the qiin, the political head of the Great Houses that run much of the zlilfian society, the jdargandins, the minders who watch over the internal operations of the Great Houses, and the shrar, the soldiers and laborers who do the work for the Great Houses.
Chapter 1: Adventure Missed It’s Wake Up Call
7:06 AM local time
Chicago, Algonquin State, United States of America
Justin hated waking up early for school, so it was no surprise when he rolled over in bed and saw that he had missed his alarm, sleeping through it. Fortunately, or unfortunately as the case may be, he had gotten somewhat used to the early mornings and only woke up fifteen minutes late. Mornings were the worst. Why hadn’t the administration realized that teenage students wanted nothing more than to sleep until ten, or even ten thirty.
He rolled over and just slapped at the alarm clock out of half asleep muscle memory. After stomping to the bathroom, Justin brushed his teeth with mechanical disinterest. He saw how bad his hair looked, the shaggy brown hair was all over the place from the night of restless sleep. The second he got downstairs he knew that his dad was going to tell him to comb it. Might as well get that done now. He rinsed out his mouth of the strange mint flavored toothpaste and watched the water drain slowly out of the sink before cupping his hands under the faucet and wetting down his hair.
There was something about the dreary, cold November weather, and the second year of high school that really didn’t work for Justin. He didn’t want to go to school today, and even if he was late, he couldn’t bring himself to rush. This strange liminal space between being new at high school, all eager and excited, and the stressful ‘have you decided what you are going to do with the rest of your life’ junior year, was extremely dull and not all that exciting.
He didn’t try that hard with his hair since it was a losing battle anyways, and what was really the point of caring what he looked like. He was an average high school boy. Brown hair, brown eyes, tan skin tone that he got from his mom. Screw it, it didn’t matter, it was just high school.
After throwing on his clothes that were mostly clean, Justin went downstairs where he found his dad mechanically making some coffee and toast. They didn’t greet each other aside from a small nod. Alex, Justin’s father, wasn’t any more of a morning person than his son. He was off to work soon.
Luckily, Justin didn’t hear any comments from his dad about being late, or the state of his hair, or any of the usual complaints. Which was a small mercy.
The rushed breakfast was silent and still. Justin took some of the fresh made toast, liberally covered it in butter and then some cinnamon sugar, before taking it with him. He grabbed his backpack and left the house. He was going to be late for the bus, and if there was one thing he hated it was walking to school.
He must have told his dad goodbye, because that was what he always did, but he couldn’t hear himself say it.
Justin took a few bites of the toast, and chewed. He didn’t really have many thoughts in his head as he walked down the front walkway towards the bus stop. The only thing that was really there was the observation that the house was always so quiet and empty now that his mom had left.
“Justin! Hurry up! I will leave you behind!” yelled his only friend, Mike, from the bus window as the heavy truck lumbered to a squeaking halt a few houses down from Justin’s house.
This made him stop short.
The wall of sound, the shout of Mike, the rumble of the bus, the sounds of the traffic down the street. All of a sudden it was all there. The sound. It was utterly absent from within the house. Justin realized that his house was totally silent, but not in a way that was normal in any way.
“Justin! You’re going to miss the bus,” his dad called form the driveway as he left for work. The car chirping gently as he unlocked it with the remote.
“Yeah, the bus,” Justin muttered, his dad didn’t seem concerned, or he didn’t seem to notice. It’s just that he didn’t know which was worse.
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my kofi where i post everything
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sinni-ok-sessi · 10 months ago
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hhhhh sliding in on the last day of enrolment for this online class, truly I have not changed at all since undergrad
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biologically-confused · 2 years ago
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sneaky dim sum with my cousin for lunch (pls spy my new thrifted australian animals sweater)
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