#i am currently anxious

[aerinamis]

i need to learn how to brew coffee just to make it decaf

[cloudcountry]

SUMMARY: idia shroud celebrates your birthday!!

COMMENTS: a birthday present for @twstchatterbox the MOON to my SUN the DYNAMIC to my DUO the BLACK CAT to my GOLDEN RETRIEVER!!!! i love you lots and lots i am so glad we are friends i am squeezing you so tight from the other side of the world.

i wanted to keep this a surprise and i HOPE I SURPRISED YOU i hope you didnt see this coming sjdjdsjdj you have given me so many gifts from your doodles of me to your doodles of US to all the interests you've shared with me to looking out for me all this time AND EVEN STAYING UP LATE TO TALK TO ME?? I AM SO SORRY FOR YOUR SLEEP SCHEDULE

i hope you have the best birthday ever you deserve so much so take this awkward gamer boy. you know your lore. i know your lore. i tried to incorporate it and im sure only you will understand it but thats the point isnt it?

THIS IS GOING ON TOO LONG. I SHOULD HAVE MADE THIS A SEPARATE POST. ANYWAYS. GO READ IT I LOVE YOU

You cross your arms over your chest, amused as the blue package floats silently over to you. It stops right in front of you and a flickering screen loads from a small projector propped on the top of the box.

accept quest?

yes. no.

It’s ridiculous of him to put a no option. You press the yes option and a cheerful jingle rings from the speakers as the package drops at your feet. Bending over, you scoop it into your arms, a delicate smile on your face. You can feel quite a few gazes on your back but you opt to ignore them, walking out of your dorm and towards the source of your gift.

Ever since the events of winter break, you’d become far more accustomed to the halls of Ignihyde. The students seem to have grown more accustomed to you in turn, although some still scamper away from you.

There was only so much that could be done, you think. Besides, your presence here was not because of them. You were here for their Housewarden.

As you reached his door, you wasted no time reaching out to knock. Each tap of your knuckles against his door was crisp and loud, just in case he was wearing his headphones. The corners of your lips lift into a smile as you hear him shuffling around, no doubt checking up on his room to make sure it’s just the normal amount of messy but not too messy lest you get suspicious that he’s a slob or that he cleaned just for you.

You already know he did, though.

“Are you going to keep me waiting?” you call out teasingly, tapping your foot on the polished floors.

The door creaks open slowly, and the soft pink glow of Idia's hair lights up his face. Your heart takes a tumble in your chest.

“Hi.” you breathe, “I wanted to open your gift with you.”

Idia squeaks and opens the door to let you inside, rocking back and forth on his heels.

“Um, okay. Thanks.” he says, mumbling each word as if he isn’t sure what he’s saying at all, “You, uh, didn’t have to do that.”

“But I want to.” you refute, and you both understand what would have come after that.

So let me do this.

“Okay.” he jams his hands into his pocket and shrugs, always so awkward around you but so obvious, “I hope you like it.”

“I’ll love it.” you reassure him.

After all, a heart as kind as Idia Shroud’s wouldn’t pick anything but the best.

[inkovert]

I don't make the rules but - if you don't get excited at the thought of going back and re-reading the story you wrote then you're writing the wrong story.

You are your first and most important reader.

[vamprisms]

im cat sitting my sister's new kitten and it's just the sweetest little cat

[scootarooni]

The goobers!!!!

I'll be giving out stickers of these two, Meiko, Kaito, Luka and Miku at Miku Expo in Newark, NJ 🎉If you see me, come say hi :3

[rowanisawriter]

Daylight saving another tool used by the capitalists to keep us disoriented and confused

[altruistic-meme]

back on my bullshit: looking through and making edits to my doc full of Issues I Have That Haven't Ever Been Looked Into for the doctor. which may prove to be futile but i will not think to bring any of this up + will absolutely try and downplay it if i do not do this.

i still keep joking that i will hand them the papers and go "pick one and we can start there" as well as threatening to walk out if they so much as breathe the word "asthma" to me. hopefully i can actually do these things at the appointment.

and i know. i know that doctors hate it when you present possible diagnoses and that you should let them do it themselves but like. you don't understand. i have had 22 years of not having anything done when i had a health concern, to the point where i stopped even realizing that things were concerning until someone else pointed out to me that it may be a problem.

so im coming armed and prepared and if the doctor refuses to work with me like im an actual person, then i will leave and i will ask for a different doctor. rinse and repeat until i find someone who will actually help me.

[waitineedaname]

Yo, friendo What's the best way to consume these funny doomed men I keep seeing?

( Didn't mean it literality, but I can't help but think that the answer is with spice )

depends on which ones!! there are two series I've been posting about a lot, both by the same author: SVSSS and MDZS!

Scum Villain's Self-Saving System/SVSSS is a book series, and you can read it physically (which I did through my local library for the first two books) or online on the Internet Archive or Anna's Archive (which I did for the last two books when I got too impatient to wait on my holds). It also has a ten episode long donghua called Scumbag System that covers most of the first book and it's terrible (affectionate). You can find that one on youtube or most anime pirating sites. In short summary, SVSSS is about a terminally online dude getting isekai'd into the villain of a webnovel he absolutely hates, and in his attempt to avoid the villain's horrible death he sends the story completely off the rails. It's unhinged, hilarious, and everyone in the series is a complete freak <3 It's only four books long (three of which are the main plot and the fourth is extras)

MDZS/Grandmaster of Demonic Cultivation is also a book series by the same author! Similarly, you can check your public library or the Internet Archive and Anna's Archive. It also has a donghua (which I haven't watched) and a wildly successful live action drama called The Untamed (which is how I initially got into the series!). The Untamed is available on Netflix and Youtube and probably other places. It does make some significant changes due to censorship reasons and it is extremely cheesy, but I enjoy it. If you want more classical tragedy, I'd say start with The Untamed, and if you want more gay necromancy shenanigans, I'd say start with the books! In short summary, it's about the life and death and second life of Wei Wuxian as he goes from war hero to widely reviled necromancer, and it's quite fun. The book series is five books long, and The Untamed is 50 episodes long. I have a character guide for that one if you need it because the names do get confusing!

[sophsicle]

Love your blog!!!!!

is it bad that messages like this always make me a little...suspicious like... do you...love my blog...or is this...sarcastic????????? the tumblr anons of the past have jaded me

BUT THANK YOU I AM CHOOSING TO BELIEVE THIS IS GENUINE SO I APPRECIATE IT

[storm-of-feathers]

im tired as fuck I haven't slept right (like even for me) in weeks and it's having a toll

[knightdykes]

oughhhh the dr I am having a meet + greet appointment with next month, who will potentially be my new GP, is a man. that makes me so very anxious...

[achilles-invulnerable-heel]

Wow. Yeah okay. Fuck it we ball?

[cappurrccino]

having anxiety is so fun because you have to spend the entire day pretending you're a normal, functional adult while your brain is busy shouting "DEATH DISEASE! DEATH DISEASE! YOU HAVE DEATH DISEASE!" at you non-stop forever

[applejongho]

:/

[hopesandmountains]

I think one of the key things for any relationship is to discover what your needs are.

Because otherwise you’re going to try and meet those needs in ways that aren’t entirely conscious to you.

Everybody has a need for passion, love, understanding, physical closeness etc. but we all find different ways of meeting that need.

And the most straightforward answer is to find a relationship.

However for those of us with emotional trauma it’s not really always easy or straightforward to find and build a relationship. And honestly that’s not always the priority for everybody anyhow.

The need for passion, love, and intensity can outweigh the need for a long lasting connection, especially when dealing with people who are suffering from trauma or living a life where they constantly feel anxious or overwhelmed.

And of course because a long lasting and intimate connection with someone else can just be a scary thing, especially when trauma or other factors have left you unsure about your connection with yourself.

However the thing is, the solution is not really looking for a causal relationship either. If your need is true passion and investment, whether you admit it to themselves or not, you are placing actual stakes on how things are going to work out and you would be personally hurt if you ever if you were to feel used like just another causal fling.

This is especially true with those who have attachment issues or abandonment issues, because unlike securely attached people who can just walk away, unresolved attachment issues can latch you onto someone even if you hardly know them.

So realizing it or not, it is kind of like a gamble that either things will just work out together in the long run, or that by the time the relationship runs it’s course, that having that passion love and understanding will have left you in a more resourced place where you will not only be able to handle the emotions of separating, but will also be left in a more emotionally secure place that is better then where you started.

And that’s not entirely untrue. Having someone compassionate who truly cares about you can really help you boost your mental health, and if you really work at it while you have those additional resources they are giving you through their care, you can heal yourself and build that emotionally security from within.

But really the therapist answer would be to look for friends, social supports, healthy communities, groups you belong to etc. to use as additional resources to help you heal and build that emotionally security.

And in fairness, the way society is set up doesn’t really make it easy to build a social support group and it’s not always a bad idea to just get to know someone and see where things naturally go.

But it can be more reckless and unsafe. By putting heavy emphasis on passion too early on in a relationship, your risk opening up yourself to someone toxic or not good for you or in the worst case outright abusive.

And this is why it’s important to know your needs, because if you try and meet them in a way that feels familiar to your childhood trauma, it can be a recipe for disaster if you are unconsciously trying to recreate an unsafe environment.

So regardless of what you do I emphasis learning more about yourself, slowing things down, and seeing how you feel at each step. See if past traumas get brought up, if attachment issues start acting up, if what you are feeling is limerence or true connection, if you are considering your own needs in the relationship, if you are voicing those needs in a healthy manner, if you are staying true to yourself or if you are “fawning”.

And it’s not that I want to scare people off from finding connections or meeting new people, I just think it’s really important to understand your needs in a way that you can confident in yourself and confident enough in the relationship to move forward.

And confident enough to objectively consider losing the relationship, confident enough to objectively decide what kind of relationship it is that you want (considering your own needs and not someone else’s), and confident to walk away if that is what is best for you.

So try and volunteer somewhere, join clubs, slowly let yourself be more social to be build that social safety net, and yes please take risks. At some point you will have to address your own vulnerability and that means risking yourself.

And this post is already a lot so the last thing I will stress is just how important it is to understand your own vulnerability so you don’t unintentionally make yourself more vulnerable than you intend to. A lot times when people aren’t comfortable being vulnerable but want to try to be, they can overextend and be more vulnerable than they intend to. And here’s a good video to learn about that.

[bddybby666]

meow more meow moew meow moew

meow