#familiar forever. and the other side wants to gtfo and make something of life

[applejongho]

:/

[bezzuba]

hey stingray.. u should.. talk about.. ur opinions about how hiccup and toothless grow together as a pair over the course of the movies... and also perhaps ur thoughts (again) about how the third movie agrees with or conflicts against ur views on their friendship and their development..

the httyd films do a wonderful job when it comes to showing how hiccup has grown over the course of his friendship with toothless, and it is very heartwarming to see. toothless’ growth, however, isn’t as explicitly displayed and it is easy for many to mistake what is arguably character development / progression for character degradation / deadlock. in this essay, i aim to rectify that by pointing out a few of the many things toothless has learnt and become for the better through his friendship with hiccup.

flskdjf no but for real thank you for sending this in julie! i feel like…a lot of people equate toothless’ ‘softening’ over the years he spends in berk to Domestication™ ( he’s tamed / trained / made accustomed to humans / literally any other related word that is not ‘domesticated’, lads…i’m no expert and maybe it’s just a case of semantics but domestication is an inborn rather than acquired trait that appears over the course of many generations, lads… ) and like. it makes sense! toothless isn’t a human so him acclimatising to living with them sure would count as Domestication™ but. consider this…dragons aren’t humans…but they’re sentient…self-aware…not as much as humans maybe but they’re clearly on a similar level. that softening? to me, it’s not ‘taming’ so much as it is toothless learning that trust and empathy are just as powerful + effective as domination and apathy.

i’m not saying that toothless isn’t not, to some degree and by human definition, tamed. living in a dragon-receptive, enriching environment like berk has absolutely had some effect on things like hunting style, reactions to threats, and cognitive processes in general; the shift in focus from surviving each day to actually doing more than just surviving + the fact that environmental enrichment has been proven to promote brain activity through increased synaptogenesis means toothless literally cannot think like a typical non-berkian dragon. i just. strongly dislike how people think of toothless more as an animal than someone who is simply non-human. the distinction is hard to explain but like. from what i’ve seen, for them, emotional and cognitive growth is Bad. toothless can’t not be the wary, mysterious dragon we see in the first film. he can’t be ‘downgraded’ into a playful nerd who doesn’t immediately harm every human that approaches him.

it. says A Lot about their Edge ( “a character opening up to literally anyone? unacceptable!” ) + their understanding of interesting and realistic characters. like? opposing qualities in a character aren’t? mutually exclusive?? a toothless who is an adorable fucking dweeb and a toothless who is majestic and takes no shit from anyone aren’t! mutually exclusive! they can be! the same toothless! a character! can have more than one (1) facet! god just. this notion that toothless trusting hiccup + berk’s humans enough to be vulnerable around them is somehow inferior to toothless Being Wild And Alone Forever is so! overrated! let jaded characters learn how to be soft and trusting you cowards! let characters who have been lonely for their entire life learn what and how it is to be connected you cowards!

maybe i’m looking too deeply into toothless. maybe it’s because i write him and toothless ( as anyone with self-awareness would ) sees himself as a person, not as an animal distinctly separate from a human. i don’t fucking know but i don’t appreciate it when people narrow toothless, a lovely character with an identity outside of ‘dragon who was befriended by a human’, down to literally just that.

flkdsjg okay enough complaining…more expanding on + gushing about how Best Tier this interspecies friendship is. i’ll try to leave my headcanons out of this but if i happen to not succeed in doing that you can’t blame me for doing what canon was too afraid to do ( which is explain things and make sense )

so first off! can i just talk about how important hiccup and toothless’ bond is, not just to people like me who would fucking kill for more media content with a strong emphasis on platonic soulmates, but also to the characters themselves? i have seen a lot of people make very logical, very probable inferences about toothless being hiccup’s first actual friend but please also consider the idea that hiccup might be toothless’ first actual friend, too!

we don’t know a lot about toothless’ past in canon but there are some things that can be confirmed for sure / with 99% surety:

he was separated from fellow night furies at a young age.

i say this with 100% certainty lmao there is no other way to explain his estrangement with his ‘night fury side’, which in httyd3 is depicted as his keen unfamiliarity with his species’ mating dance.

not the best depiction but i’ll give dreamw.orks a reluctant pass for that because although courtship rituals are genetically hardwired ( i.e. toothless inherently knows what ‘steps’ to take and what to do ), if he hasn’t ever seen one initiated before he probably would not know what to do when one is initiated to him ( i.e. he has no context for these ‘steps’; he doesn’t actually know that they’re a part of a courtship ritual ).

ig there’s also that thing about him not knowing he can harness lightning or whatever, but the fact that the first thing that popped into my head was that mating dance scene when i thought about how httyd3 depicted toothless’ disconnect with his ‘night fury side’ probably speaks something of how much they handwaved away any explanation for that phenomenon + consequently lowered the mnemonic impact of it

he was as much of an outcast in the red death’s nest as hiccup was in berk.

this is said with less certainty than the assumption above it but like. in the first film, hiccup says toothless “never steals food, never shows [himself], and…never misses” and we see toothless destroying human weapons / constructions. it all sets toothless up to be this Ultimate dragon to humans but can you imagine what that looks and sounds like to a dragon who is part of the red death’s flock?

“never stealing food?? what the fuck, courts danger?? do you want to die??? the queen’s gonna eat you what the fuck!”

i hc that she doesn’t eat toothless because she associates his presence in raids with more dragons coming back ( as she should because destroying human contraptions that trap / kill dragons makes it harder for them to. y’know. trap / kill dragons ), which equates to more food being brought back

so she makes one (1) exception for this quietly defiant but very amusing flock-subject

and everyone’s probably aware of that but they’re also like WHAT IF THIS IS THE DAY SHE CHANGES HER MIND BRING SOME FOOD BACK I DON’T WANT TO SEE ANOTHER EATEN!!

“what! are! you! shooting! at! it’s just weird dead-bark and metal! and that’s dead-bark and still-fire, what the fuck at least shoot at human dens if you’re gonna shoot at dead-bark!”

it’s very obvious to us humans what most of the contraptions we see in berk are used for but to dragons? dragons who don’t have the same cognitive processing and are probably too busy trying to gtfo with some food to figure out what this weird human shit does?

listen. we see toothless disarming humans. the dragons see toothless doing something they don’t understand for reasons they don’t understand.

HM DOES THIS SOUND FAMILIAR

okay he probably wasn’t an outcast per se but he was. definitely avoided.

basically, toothless was alone just like hiccup was!

so yeah. they changed the world with their friendship but their friendship absolutely changed their worlds first. that fact alone is delicious enough but then you look at what their relationship is actually like and god! finally_some_good_fucking_food.jpeg

i love! the comfort! the faith! the trust! the ease in which they touch and calm and talk to and fly with and sleep on and just…be with each other. we don’t see it much in httyd because duh, prologue but. there’s this sense of…complete and utter security in their bond by the time httyd2 comes around. they know each other so well. they love each other so much.

hiccup, completely unafraid of the plasma blasts detonating dangerously close to his fairly immobile, very vulnerable form. hiccup, trusting in toothless’ faith in him as he splays a simple hand out to stop him. hiccup, “TOOTHLESS!” / “HEY! you left my dragon back there! he can’t fly on his own! he’ll drown!” / “we have to head back for my dragon!”

toothless, willing to support hiccup’s decisions even if they are stupid af. toothless, trusting in hiccup’s judgement and ability to defuse situations where he would have exacerbated them. toothless, so ready to shield hiccup from harm from anything or anyone.

hiccup, terrified for toothless even as he grieves for his father. hiccup, ignoring drago, ignoring the bewilderbeast, pleading one more time for toothless. hiccup, willing to die reaching if only to have toothless reach back. hiccup, “please. you are my best friend, bud.” / “my best friend.”

toothless, sensitive to hiccup’s upset and wanting so badly to make it go away. toothless, waiting as the haziness becomes clearer, waiting for the touch, the face, the voice. toothless, willing to fight “the strength of will over others” to reach back. toothless, “he’s challenging the alpha!” / “to protect you!”

god there’s so much more but if i listed every single detail about their friendship as observed in httyd2 this answer wouldn’t be ready for posting for like. at least a week

and even before they reach that stage, those decisions in httyd that go from hesitant to confident…

hiccup, tentatively trusting this dragon to eat the fish and not his fingers. hiccup, sticking around because he’s got no better place to be in and no better company to be with. hiccup, reaching and reaching and reaching.

toothless, wary and mistrustful but willing to give this human a chance. toothless, mimicking hiccup rather than completely disregarding him or chasing him off. toothless, slowly…cautiously…hopefully…reaching back.

hiccup, throwing his cheat sheet to the wind and relying on instinct and trust alone. hiccup, standing tall under astrid’s doubt and saying with full conviction: yes. hiccup, casting his helmet and viking status aside because he can’t not see a bit of toothless in every dragon now. hiccup, jumping onto a burning ship with no goddamn fucking hesitation to free a trapped toothless. hiccup, falling into the fire of his own creation, into the end of a centuries old war.

toothless, putting his faith in this human who has never once flown in his entire life and then putting even more faith in this human who quite literally throws caution to the wind. toothless, climbing out of the cove not for himself but for hiccup. toothless, going against instinct and swallowing his fire because hiccup screamed “NO!”. toothless, terrified for his hecking life but willing to “stay with me, buddy, we’re good, just a little bit longer” and “hold, toothless…NOW!”. toothless, falling into the fire with hiccup, determined to make this the end of one thing only.

PLUS SO MUCH MORE. these are only from the first two films alone; gotnf gives us even more Good Content and i’m just! fuck! i love two dweebs! i love hiccup and toothless so much!

and now for specific character growth / developments that i will never get over…i won’t talk about hiccup because i am nearing 2000 words BUT TOOTHLESS…LISTEN. toothless never used to drink “have mercy on others” juice. he never used to drink “don’t shoot or maim or otherwise injure when provoked” juice. he never used to drink “give others a chance because everyone deserves a chance” and “not everyone is out to kill you or hurt you or take everything you love and cherish away from you” juice. but after bonding with hiccup? he’s hooked! he’s so hooked! he is more willing to lean into faith rather than doubt! he is more willing to believe in an after rather than a never! he is more willing to compromise rather than overlook! he is more willing! to empathise!! i’m so emo!

i already talked a bit about how he comes to trust enough to be vulnerable ( i.e. not constantly guarded / cautious ) around berkians and like…can you imagine how big of an achievement that is for someone like him? for someone who has been alone for so much of his life? for someone who knows what it’s like to be forced to be vulnerable for someone they don’t trust at all? I’M SO! EMO!

HICCUP FINDING STRENGTH IN TOOTHLESS? TOOTHLESS FINDING STRENGTH IN HICCUP?? MmMmMm that’s some good shit ( Good Shit ) right there!!

i have…a lot more screaming about their friendship + love for each other to do but i’m tired and you can tell so i’ll wrap this up with some more opinions on httyd3′s Bad Tier handling of toothless’ character and the consequent portrayal of his bond with hiccup! i know you’ve already read it julie but if anyone who’s read to this far hasn’t already seen it…maybe take a peek at my first essay™ here…

i haven’t seen the final movie in a while so my memory of it might be a little shit but i’m glad that they at least maintained some element of that gentle ease / security / comfort we see in httyd2. definitely not as much as i’d hoped, but i would’ve been able to deal with that — maybe even justify it — if they hadn’t also insulted hict.ooth’s friendship for the sake of a ‘love at first sight!’ romance i can’t get behind multiple, multiple, MULTIPLE times.

i failed to address this in my first httyd3 critical post BUT LIKE. the way EVERYONE acts like and states that toothless ignoring / dismissing hiccup was a very natural, logical consequence of him being interested in the light fury ( which he. defs would stop being after she nearly killed what is literally half of him oh my goOoOod ) was so! fucking! insulting! to not only hiccup + toothless’ bond, but also to almost everything this franchise stands for and the characters themselves!

after six years of seeing hiccup and toothless interact with + love each other, do you really think HICCUP’S FRIENDS would say “well, what did you expect?” to toothless leaving?? do you really think that they would imply that toothless only stayed with hiccup because he didn’t have a choice? ‘maybe they don’t understand the weight of their bond, stingray’ AFTER SIX GODDAMN YEARS OF SEEING IT DEVELOP AND DEEPEN??? and maybe they don’t but surely they understand how important toothless is to hiccup and wouldn’t make a callous comment like that RIGHT?? god i’m so ready to throw hands at dreamw.orks for having astrid say “he didn’t have any reason to” to hiccup’s “he didn’t leave before” i am sO r e A d Y

also just the fact that IT’S IMPLIED THAT TOOTHLESS ONLY STAYED WITH HICCUP BECAUSE HE DIDN’T HAVE A CHOICE / ANY REASON NOT TO?? it’s so gross what the heck dreamw.orks why bring gotnf up if you’re just going to retcon it i don’t understand!

httyd3 is a good movie in that it is very evocative, has an insanely lovely colour palette + insanely amazing soundtrack, and tries its best to give a satisfying ending to “the friendship of a lifetime”. i love it and will absolutely be rewatching it so many times when it’s released on blu-ray, but it’s not perfect and i could go on and on and ON about the tragedy that is toothless’ characterisation.

flskdjg okay i’ve run out of steam now so tl;dr:

thank you so much for asking for my opinion so respectfully julie this was a delight to see in my inbox + a delight to answer

i love toothless and hiccup

I LOVE TOOTHLESS AND HICCUP

I LOVE! TOOTHLESS! AND HICCUP!

i am never getting over my love-hate for httyd3

[claroquequiza]

Are you still willing to do some of your behind the scenes things for Afterdrop? I wouldn't mind one for the debrief with Soldier76. Or the one with Jesse and Winston, although that may be too recent and reveal too much plot. If you have too much on your plate then nvm, no worries. Thanks!

Ah shit, I just found your post saying you weren't going to do any more. My bad, nvm, sorry!

Naw, it’s ok! I haven’t done one for a while--I had to stop because it was becoming a struggle not to reveal spoilers! But I think I should be able to pull off the debrief with Soldier: 76!

He neatly stacked everything back in the box almost exactly as it had come. He moved to stand, but the Soldier looked up from his comm again and fixed him with the visor’s expressionless stare once more.

“When do you want to debrief?” he asked.

Hanzo fought down a sigh. “Now,” he said, straightening his back and folding his hands in his lap.

NEEEEVAAAAAAAAAAAR shouted Hanzo as he leapt out the window.

The Soldier nodded. “I understand,” he said slowly, almost carefully, “that you had a mental episode.” Hanzo set his jaw, and his fingers tightened around each other. “In the old Overwatch, you would have had access to a counselor, at the very least.”

Jack Morrison fought a ten-year war against an implacable enemy that gutted cities and countries. He’s familiar with the role of mental illness in warfare.

In the old Overwatch, Hanzo amended mentally, he would not even be here.

are you sure about that

“We obviously don’t have one, so let me just say: if you can’t talk about it, don’t talk about it. We’ll get through as much as we can, and leave anything else for another day.” He tilted his head slightly, as if studying Hanzo’s face.

Jack tried his best to avoid any counseling whatsoever during the Crisis, only to suffer a nervous breakdown that took him out of the fight for almost a year. He never forgot that experience and the therapy that got him back on his feet.

Not that it’s done much good since the Fall.

Hanzo kept it carefully blank. “And if you suspect that I am withholding incriminating information?”

Hanzo understands that a debriefing without trust is an interrogation.

The Soldier’s head fell forward slightly, and he chuckled darkly. “Than let’s start with dealing with the elephant in the room.” Hanzo breathed in sharply, trying and mostly succeeding at keeping it silent. The Soldier looked up, and Hanzo kept his eyes on his receding hairline. 

STOP CALLING THE READER’S ATTENTION TO THAT, HANZO, IT’S RUDE

“Winston and Genji himself briefed me. Never thought I’d find myself on a team with not one, but two former yakuza.” 

Not just on a team with them, but acting as an ad hoc counselor of sorts. Life is funny sometimes.

He paused, as if considering, before saying, “Genji would like everyone to consider your pasts as between the two of you. Winston disagrees, as do I. It’s impossible for us to ignore that, but--” he admonished, holding up a large hand, despite Hanzo’s not having given any sign of interrupting, “--not for the reasons you might think.”

He absently rubbed his chin, despite it being covered with the thick plastic of the visor’s lower half. Hanzo could not help but wonder how he could stand to have it on outside of battle.

How indeed. Just you wait, Hanzo, he takes that thing into the shower with him, the madman.

“Whatever Genji’s reasons are for wanting you to join and whatever your reasons are for indulging him are not my concern. What is my concern is keeping all of us alive during a mission. Avoiding triggers for flashbacks or whatever the hell happened is one thing that will keep you and everyone around you out of the cold ground. Genji tells me you’ve been on the run for ten years from the yakuza, so I know you’re not weak, but obviously there is something that debilitates you. We need to avoid it in the future or it could put the rest of the team at unacceptable risk.” He stopped and seemed to study Hanzo once more. “And if it does put us at unacceptable risk, then you shouldn’t be here at all.”

Jack is on the fence with this whole Overwatch thing, whether he thinks he is or not, so he’s having to perform some mental gymnastics to be ok with Hanzo’s membership. Before, he had Gabe’s no-nonsense yet aggressively protective nature to lean on, which is why a lot of people like Hanzo ended up in Blackwatch. Jack’s leaning on that again, though he has reservations about how well it’ll work.

Hanzo immediately recognized the out, whether or not the Soldier meant to provide it, and his heartbeat quickened.

It would be child’s play to twist this to his advantage, to exaggerate his weakness and make himself appear to be a liability. How indeed could Overwatch know that he would not run off to get drunk on some random rooftop after every mission? They did not know about Hanzo’s inability to use the dragons with a sword or sword-like weapon, nor did they know that he was not normally inconvenienced by it in the slightest. It would be easy to convince them that being so close to Genji, even through the proxy of his comrades, was enough to incapacitate him. Hanzo had played the part of a weak man to his advantage countless times before, in dozens of situations, and he could do it again and be rid of Overwatch forever.

Yeah!!! GTFO of there, Hanzo! Why don’t you?!?!

But he could not be rid of Genji.

Oh.

His thoughts, surging with lightning-like speed, stopped dead. Be rid of Genji . Even the notion was enough to send shame coursing through his stomach and chest. His brother, his victim, was alive. He owed a debt to him, a debt that would never be repaid, though he was duty-bound to give all he could.

Duty. It chilled and sobered him more effectively than icewater injected directly into his veins. Duty had ruled his life since before he drew his first breath. Duty to the Shimada-gumi, duty to the memory of his murdered brother, and now his duty to Overwatch, that Genji had sworn him to.

With a sinking heart, he realized that he must consider Overwatch with the same devotion that he had regarded his former clan. He would do well not to forget that.

And the afterdrop continues to chill him. This is when Hanzo puts aside all the fucks he has to give.

He gave a small internal sigh before meeting the Soldier’s visor head-on. “I do not anticipate problems in the future,” he said quietly. “The circumstances that led to my--episode--have occurred only twice. They will not occur again.”

The Soldier was silent for a few moments before he nodded. “Let’s start at the beginning, just so we don’t leave anything out,” he said at last. 

♪ Let’s start at the very beginning ♩

♩A very good place to start♪

He took a small pen-like device out of his pocket and put it in front of him in the table, pressing a small button on one side that lit a blinking red light. He then placed his comm in the middle of the table. It immediately projected a hologram of the warehouse and the surrounding area into the air, a few centimeters below eye-level. A red marker flashed slowly on top of the apartment building where Hanzo had kept his vigil, with a red dotted line tracing the circuitous route he had taken during his survey. “Everything was as you said it would be,” he said, leaning forward, “but go ahead and explain in your own words what you did, starting with your initial approach to the target.”

Jack’s a big fan of multiple perspectives. He’ll listen to the same story over and over and over just in case someone caught something that everyone else missed.

Rashomon is simultaneously his favorite and most hated movie. He loves the varied narratives, but he gets frustrated that’s it’s impossible to know who’s telling the truth.

The Soldier did not speak much at first. He rotated and zoomed in and out of the holographic map as Hanzo described his movements and actions, only occasionally interrupting to ask for clarification or, surprisingly, to offer a tidbit of praise. He seemed to be especially appreciative of Hanzo’s thoroughness, grunting and nodding with vigor when Hanzo pointed out the three rooftops he landed the minidrone on before he brought it back to his own perch.

Jack was never one for black ops, but he appreciates those who are. A little too much, in at least one case.

Hanzo was about to start describing the start of the battle when the Soldier raised his hand to stop him. “What exactly did McCree tell you about the team beforehand?” he asked. “All I caught from him when he was telling you about the attack was to cover the northeast alley.”

“He did not tell me anything about the team until afterwards,” Hanzo replied, resisting the urge to roll his eyes. “Not until he was bringing me here.”

UUUUUUHHHHHH OOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHH

The Soldier was quiet for a moment.

SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT

“Run that by me one more time. He didn’t tell you anything about the other teammates? Callsigns, roles, positions?”

“No.”

“Were you aware that this mission included a team?”

“Yes, the cow--Agent McCree told me--” 

I’m looking forward to the transition of this nickname from pejorative to affectionate.

Hanzo paused, thinking back. “Ah--he said we are inbound , so I assumed there was a team. He did not explicitly mention a team until about 1900, when he assigned me to the northeast alley.”

“1900? Less than three hours before we got there?” There was an edge to the Soldier’s voice now, one that made Hanzo more guarded. “So when were you aware of the other team members’ presence?”

Hanzo couldn’t help the small scowl that curved his lips downward. “When--I believe his callsign is Reinhardt? I assume he was the one in the battle armor, who yelled and smashed his way in?” The Soldier nodded, the holograph’s light flashing dully in his visor. “That was my first indication of his presence. I did not know of anyone else until they spoke on the commlink.”

I can’t wait for Hanzo to meet Reinhardt. Reinhardt knows what it’s like for your actions to cost the life of someone you love.

The Soldier leaned on the table on one elbow, rubbing his chin with his hand. “So when did you find out Mercy was there?”

Hanzo thought carefully. “She did not speak over the commlink until I reported Agent McCree’s injuries.”

Of course McCree didn’t tell a potential enemy about Angela! YOU GOTTA PROTECT YOUR HEALER Y’ALL

“ Goddamn. ”

The expletive thundered out, and for the first time there was a touch of electronic reverb, as if whatever auditory system the mask employed to relay the Soldier’s voice could not handle the sudden volume of the outburst.

I’m currently on the fence over whether the mask makes Jack’s voice so grouchy and rough or Jack suffered an injury to his throat or Jack’s just being melodramatic.

“And that didn’t strike you as strange?” the Soldier bit out.

Hanzo stared, an eyebrow raised. “Strange?”

The Soldier dropped his arm to the table. “You’re telling me that information about a mission, about your teammates, about your medic , didn’t seem to be necessary?”

Hanzo gave a tiny shrug. “I am not in a position to judge what is strange or necessary. I have only been in contact with Agent McCree before this mission. I assumed he would give me any information that I was authorized to have, since he is my--” he couldn’t help but pause to swallow back his distaste for the term, “--my handler. If there was no information, it was because I could not be--that I was not authorized.”

There was a long silence.

Jack’s the first person to realize just how far Hanzo will go to put himself down.

“Alright,” said the Soldier, slowly, as if it was anything but. 

Not that he does anything about it, with Hanzo at least. He’s not the least bit able to do anything about Hanzo with Hanzo himself.

“So you got into position, essentially blind, before Reinhardt accessed the target.” A small group of differently colored markers made their way onto the holographic map. Hanzo watched with real interest, especially after he noted that one marker, colored yellow, was behaving very oddly, seeming to blip instantaneously from one position to another rather than smoothly move across the map as the others did. Another marker, a grey one, moved to the main entrance of the warehouse, followed closely by the yellow marker plus a red and a blue one, before the holographic door pixelated and disappeared, allowing the yellow, blue, and red markers to enter.

The Soldier called his attention away to the northeast alley, showing him how to add red X’s to the map to show how the Yoneyama had tried to get to the warehouse, and where they had met their ends. Hanzo was beginning to have trouble remembering exact details, but that did not seem to bother the Soldier much; he merely asked for his best estimation and for the most memorable or worrying tactics the Yoneyama had used, for future consideration.

They arrived at last to Hanzo’s ill-fated attempt to retrieve his arrows.

“It’s a goddamn miracle you had so many to begin with,” the Soldier groused darkly. “Winston and Genji told me you’re used to single target attacks. Why the hell did you have so much ammo?”

“My ‘single targets’ are often surrounded by many more incidental targets,” replied Hanzo concisely.

Hanzo’s infinite arrow supply is hilarious to me. Of all the characters to have infinite ammo, you pick the archer?

The Soldier waited to see if he would elaborate, but graciously moved on when he did not. “So you ran out of arrows. That’s definitely something we need to keep an eye on in the future.

eye emoji

Now the question becomes: why didn’t you wait for backup? You knew McCree was on his way.”

The red visor was locked on him once more. Hanzo felt an urge to let his own gaze waver, to look away, but he met it squarely. “There was very little time. I had to take advantage of the lull while it lasted. I believe I said as much at the time.”

Plus, y’know. McCree was coming.

“Except there was no lull. It was a trap.”

Hanzo nodded.

The Soldier leaned back in his chair. “Well, the time has come,” he said heavily. “Do we stop here, or can you explain what happened?”

Hanzo hesitated a bare second. “Did--did the cowboy not explain?”

It was cowardly, and it was a bald attempt to get the Soldier to reveal what he wanted or hoped to hear, one that he did not expect to succeed. The Soldier obviously knew his business; nearly all his questions were carefully framed to avoid leading Hanzo on or revealing information that Hanzo had not already spoken of himself.

I had this idea of Jack avoiding leading questions right at this point when I was writing it. I had to go back and make sure he didn’t, LOOOL

“He did,” replied the Soldier, without pretense. “What did you see happen?”

Hanzo’s body tried to sag, but he did not allow his shoulders to droop a single millimeter. “I do not know,” he began, “how much you know of the Shimada legacy.”

“I’ve seen Genji in battle,” the Soldier responded. “I’ve seen what he can do to whole groups of targets.”

THIS would have clued Genji in to Jack’s real identity if he had a means of listening in. He hasn’t called on his dragon on any missions with the mysterious Soldier: 76 yet.

Hanzo nodded, needled slightly by his brother’s revealing the secrets of the clan to outsiders, but there was hardly any clan anymore, and no ties to it anyhow. 

This recently got expanded a bit in Chapter 14, but the clan had multiple reasons to keep the dragons secret, before and after the fall into the criminal underworld.

“I--had similar abilities with a sword, but more powerful. I am not,” he added swiftly and somewhat haughtily when he saw the Soldier lean forward with interest, “I am not able to use them any longer.” He waited a few moments to see if the Soldier would pry, but he did not, so he continued. “I was able to modify my--ability--into a long range version that uses my bow and arrows as a medium rather than a sword. Had there been more Yoneyama to battle, I might have been forced to use it; it is physically draining, so it is a last resort.”

“Yes, Genji doesn’t use his unless he absolutely needs to,” murmured the Soldier thoughtfully. Hanzo filed that bit of information away, a confirmation that his brother still felt something as human as fatigue. 

One of these days the bros have GOT to sit down together and figure out what they do and don’t know about each other in an atmosphere that doesn’t lead to dissociation and panic attacks.

“But you had no arrows.”

“No.” Hanzo lowered his voice without knowing, his attention elsewhere. “I did not, and so I fell back on old tactics, old strategies, that I hoped never to use again.” More than hoped. Swore.

He had failed.

In more ways than one.

“Do you need to stop?” the Soldier’s voice was sharp, but underlined with something resembling concern.

Gruff!Dad Jack begins to pop out despite all of Jack’s efforts.

Hanzo shook himself out. “I--I do not wish to go into detail,” he muttered.

The Soldier nodded. “Can you at least tell me what happened when McCree was injured?”

Hanzo cautiously probed the memory. He shook his head. “I do not know what to say.”

“In your own words, Mr. Shimada, and in your own time,” the Soldier said softly.

Jack knows how hard it is to break your silence.

Hanzo pursed his lips, breathing deep in and out, attempting to center himself. To be honest, it was the memory of his double selves, the feeling of both Storm Bows in his hands, the extraordinary and disorienting depth perception that came from seeing the same scene from two or three meters apart instead of the customary seven or eight centimeters, and the bloody deaths of the Yoneyama that formed the core of the experience. That he had fled from and ultimately drowned in sake and plum wine. The cowboy had very nearly shared their fate, but in the end, by the grace of Genji’s association, he had been spared. Hanzo worked to wall the memory of the cowboy off from the rest of the wretched experience, so as to better examine it, to give the Soldier what he required.

It’s a shame that Hanzo can’t examine the attack itself, though. There’s a pretty critical bit of information in there.

It was not easy, but after two or three tense minutes he took a deep breath and said, a touch shakily. “He came from behind.” He bit the inside of his cheek, willed his voice to steady, and continued. “I disarmed and immobilized him. I was still--” He wavered for a split second. “--I did not come to myself until I realized he was an Overwatch agent.”

He waited to see what more the Soldier would ask, if he would probe further, if he would catch the subtle phrasing.

Key word: Overwatch

“And after you realized?”

Hanzo was not sure whether to feel relieved or disappointed.

“I knew that I was on the verge of--becoming compromised. I did not wish to do so there.” He waited again, for the Soldier to question his motives, but he did not. “I have a--protocol, I suppose. It is effective. I only had to deliver Agent McCree to his comrades before I could implement it.”

Hanzo. Hanzo, darling.

Getting drunk on rooftops does not count as a protocol.

The Soldier held up his hand again. “That’s enough for me,” he said. “Unless you feel like you have anything to add?”

Hanzo shook his head, thankful that the Soldier did not require an explanation of his “protocol”. The doctor had probably shared her findings by now, anyway.

“Then I can tell you, Mr. Shimada, that McCree said pretty much the same thing. He came up behind you, saw you, uh, neutralize your opponents--”Neutralize . That was a detached enough term. “--and then before he knew what was happening, you’d broken his wrist and knee.”

The Soldier leaned forward. “Mr. Shimada,” he said heavily, making sure Hanzo was looking him straight in the visor. He ran his fingers through his white hair, making it stick up even more. Hanzo imagined a grimace or lips pressed into a thin line under the mask, to match his tone as he said, “I don’t mind telling you what it looked like when you dumped a half-broken cowboy on the ground and then legged it. It was fishy as hell, and I think you’ll understand what went through my mind. I think you expected me, all of us, to think that, given how hard it was for Genji and McCree to convince you to come in. 

Although Jack is relieved that he doesn’t have to explain why. He’s had to spell out why things like property damage and broken bones are Bad Things before.

Not that anyone listened.

Frankly, if Tracer hadn’t been bringing in the transport, my first instinct would have been to send her after you to see if you had gone rogue.”

And wouldn’t that have gone well...

Hanzo nodded gravely. It was obvious what Overwatch should have thought. The real mystery was why they had not.

“As it was, as soon as Mercy got McCree fixed up, he admitted he was the one at fault.”

Hanzo expected something of the sort must have happened. It was almost a given, since Overwatch had not immediately abandoned him or hunted him down, but it was still a surprise to hear it. The concept of the cowboy admitting a mistake was just as unexpected here as it had been the night before when the cowboy himself confessed that he had been wrong to keep Hanzo out of the loop.

But then again, thought Hanzo, reining in his astonishment, perhaps the cowboy was merely covering his bases in the car. The Soldier was shocked at how little the cowboy had told Hanzo about the mission. Perhaps he had expected that fact to come up in the debriefing, and was owning his actions beforehand in an attempt to appear contrite. Genji had been listening in, after all, a witness to corroborate his “regret” when the full extent of his negligence came to light.

There was a little of that going on, but a lot of something else entirely.

That did not completely cover why the cowboy had immediately admitted his error in the alley, though. Hanzo would still have expected him to use that to discredit him, when Hanzo himself had disappeared and could not defend himself. It would have been the perfect opportunity.

Perhaps the Soldier had expected so, too. “You didn’t expect him to fess up,” he said. A statement, not a question.

Hanzo considered his response carefully. The holographic map rotated silently between them, sweeping the red X’s through the air like spiky stars through an oddly rectangular galaxy. The refrigerator broke the silence with a soft mechanical hum. Finally, he slowly said, “I did not expect him to defend my actions in any way.”

And why would you? Goodness, McCree was an asshole in the early chapters.

Doesn’t help that both he and Hanzo were doing the bare minimum, of course.

“There’s plenty to defend,” the Soldier said brusquely, then he sighed and cleared his throat. “Do you feel that McCree has been withholding information during your previous missions?”

No, he was not, thank goodness.

Hanzo almost laughed. Withholding information? The cowboy had been eager to overshare information, of a certain kind. But that was not what the Soldier was asking, so he merely shook his head and said, “No. All my missions up until now have been reconnaissance, and I was provided with all the necessary information and resources.” A thought occurred to him, and his eyebrows pulled together.

He regretted it a moment later. The Soldier seemed to have caught the small movement. “But?” he prodded.

Hanzo almost sat back, exasperated at his lack of control.

But the thought that had occurred to him could explain much.

“During my previous missions,” he said at last, “Agent McCree has been thorough. He has even warned me to be more rigorous at times, especially in matters of safety.” He was thinking especially of Watchpoint: Niigata, when he had insisted that Hanzo check to make sure he was secure. The cowboy had never disguised his disdain, of course, and many of his orders seemed to be given to annoy Hanzo more than safeguard or help him, but he had to admit that whether or not he was annoyed while following them, they technically did make him more secure. “This mission was the first where other team members were exposed to me. Perhaps he believed he was protecting you all.”

Even at this early combative and thoroughly hostile stage, Jesse and Hanzo understand each other better than they realize.

The Soldier snorted. “Protecting us? If things had gone different, his little omissions would’ve resulted in thirty-plus Yoneyama pouring through that alley and right into us.”

“Yes,” Hanzo allowed, “but no sword is as deadly as the chink in one’s own armor.”

“You think he thought you were more dangerous than the Yoneyama?”

“He need only look at Genji to know it.”

Oh, Hanzo. Dragons and ninja training notwithstanding, there’s a hint of your boastful nature in that statement. Yes, you and Genji are awesome, but you realize you just said you were more dangerous than 30 yakuza with guns, right?

I mean, you’re right, but still.

It was surprising how easily the admission came. It fell from his lips like a Freudian slip, but he made no attempt whatsoever to stop it. The Soldier already knew, anyway, so why should he bother? It did prompt a change in the air, however, as though static was suddenly building in the air that could be discharged if he so much as moved. His skin itched to do just that, but the feeling remained even as he shifted in his seat, ever-so-slightly.

The Soldier was silent and still for a long time. Hanzo was not sure how long, but it felt like several minutes passed before the Soldier reached out with one hand and tapped the comm, allowing the holograph to fade away into nothing. Then, prompting Hanzo to narrow his eyes, he picked up the recorder, turned off the blinking red light, and threw it over his shoulder, sending it clattering down the empty hallway. Hanzo watched it disappear from view with trepidation.

Days later, when Winston is listening to the recording: OW, MY EARS WHAT THE FUCK JACK

When the Soldier spoke, his voice was quiet, yet the rough edges were even more pronounced. “You might think you’re the most dangerous person on the team, but you’d be wrong.” He leaned forward, elbows on the table, fingers intertwined. The table sagged a little under the weight of just his upper body. “I don’t know how much you know about the end of Overwatch, but suffice to say, it was inevitable. You just can’t have that many dangerous people cooped up together without it all blowing up .”

"Dangerous!" cried Gandalf. "And so am I, very dangerous: more dangerous than anything you will ever meet, unless you are brought alive before the seat of the Dark Lord. And Aragorn is dangerous, and Legolas is dangerous. You are beset with dangers, Gimli son of Gloin; for you are dangerous yourself, in your own fashion.”

The Two Towers, The Lord of the Rings.

Look at me being all houtytoughty. 

His voice was bitter as loss.

“People know about the big explosion at the end, but what they don’t know, or what they choose to forget, are all the smaller ones that led up to it. There were plenty of incidents that ranged from McCree’s shattered knee up to and beyond Genji, Mr. Shimada. Genji is lucky to be alive. There are those who would be better off dead.” 

WHO COULD HE POSSIBLY MEEEEEAAAAAAAAN

The Soldier stopped. He did not make a sound, but Hanzo could see his broad chest expanding as he sucked in a deep breath, as if to steady himself. His voice was louder, but more tightly controlled when he continued. “McCree’s a fine one to talk about ‘too dangerous’, anyway. There’s more than one reason Winston put him in charge of you, and Blackwatch was not number one. His background and yours are more similar than he’s probably admitted to you. In fact--”

Although not as similar as popularly believed, as Hanzo himself says in Chapter 13. There was a world of difference between Jesse and Hanzo, despite them coming from the same world.

His hand darted to his comm, and he made some swift, stabbing motions at the screen. Hanzo’s comm chimed softly in its patch of sunshine. “--since I can guarantee he hasn’t, there’s his personnel file, so you know who you’re dealing with and why his little stunt was so poorly conceived in every way.”

The Soldier stood then, scooping up his mug as he did so. He stared at Hanzo for a few seconds before saying, “Winston knows how little you want to be here, Mr. Shimada. Genji’s pulled a stunt here, too. You might think your ‘provisional membership’ is for our protection, but you should know that it’s just as much for yours as well.” Then he spun on his heel and stalked off into the hallway, bending to retrieve the recorder before turning into one of the barracks and slamming the door behind him with a loud bang.

Jack knows what’s going on. Genji’s pulled enough stunts that Jack knows exactly how well he plans things out.

Hanzo watched him go, his eyebrows knitted together.

Hanzo: His ass--is so flat--

Me, the author: THAT’S STYLISTIC, IRL HE COULDN’T DO WHAT HE DOES IF IT WAS SO FLAT AAARRRRGGGGHHHHHHHH

I hope this was okay! Thanks so much for the messages!!!

[jaeminlore]

Redemption // Jeon Jungkook

-

the prompt: Jungkook scenario when your pregnant unplan baby he finds the test when you get home he starts yelling, blaming you throwing things,tells you to gtfo of his life with the baby saying fucked up things. So you leave Korea 3 year later you come back with your daughter and you guys see each other again he tries to win you back angst beginning but fluff ending?

words: 8942

category: heavy angst + fluff ending

author note: it’s time to see how good destinee’s character development skills are. also y/n didn’t leave, jungkook did. hope that’s okay. im so proud of myself for writing this?? I didn’t give up and I’m glad i didn’t. anyway, this took forever to write you can literally see my writing improve as you keep reading its kind of funny anyway let’s go!

- destinee

-

You sat on the edge of your bed, your head in one of your hands, as the other held the reason you were so stressed.

A positive pregnancy test stared back, the two lines mocking you; a permanent reminder of the mistakes you had made.

You felt stupid. You and Jungkook were still young, and no matter how much you loved the boy, you weren’t sure you wanted to have a baby so soon.

There was nothing you could do about it now, since you definitely didn’t want to abort the child. You would keep them and raise them with love, for that you were certain.

You were just wondering if the father would also be there, raising them as well.

Your nerves shot as you waited for Jungkook to get off of work, you called up one of your closest friends, Taehyung.

“Hello?“

“Tae? It’s Y/n. I have some news and I’m scared Jungkook isn’t going to like it.”

"Are you okay? Jungkook said you’ve been under the weather for the past few days.“

You gulped. "Tae, have you heard of morning sickness?”

“Yeah,” he replied casually. “It’s when you’re pregnant and you get queasy— Wait, you’re pregnant?”

“Keep it down!” you hissed. “I don’t want Jungkook to know.”

"He’s nowhere me. Plus, he’s going to find out eventually, Y/n.“

"I know.” You shut your eyes tightly, wishing this was all a dream. “How do I tell him?”

“Just tell him,” Taehyung said casually. “Jungkook should be happy.”

“But he wants to go to university. How can he afford that with a baby?”

“I don’t know, talk to him about that when he gets home.”

You shivered in the fear that Jungkook might not want the child. “I think I’ll keep it a secret just a little longer.”

“Be careful,” Taehyung warned you before closing the call.

Since that was decided, you threw the pregnancy test in the trash, being sure to cover it with some toilet paper, and left to prepare dinner for when Jungkook came home.

-

Jungkook arrived home the same time he always did. “Babe, guess what?”

“What?” You smiled, trying to hide your anxiety.

Jungkook handed you piece of paper. “Read it.”

You read over the form, and it didn’t take long to realize that Jungkook had been accepted into his choice university, three hours away from you. “Congratulations!”

“I’ll be moving in two weeks.”

“That’s great,” you said. It truly was, because you were thinking of all the ways you could hide a baby belly while you were in a long distance relationship.

“I know!” Jungkook cheered, smiling at you. “I’ll get my degree and then we’ll start the proper life we’ve always dreamed of.”

“Right.” Your smile only faded slightly. If only you hadn’t gotten pregnant with his child, maybe you could have that life.

Luckily, Jungkook didn’t notice your shift in behavior.

-

The ill-fated day came two days before Jungkook prepared to leave.

While you were sitting on the couch, reading a book, Jungkook slammed something down on the coffee table. You jumped and hesitantly peeked over your book. Your eyes widened in fear as you saw the familiar blue object you had used to confirm your pregnancy.

Jungkook’s expression did nothing to comfort you, as his face was contorted in anger and confusion. “How could you do this?”

You put the book down and looked at Jungkook, “I can explain.”

Jungkook raised his voice, “Why would you get pregnant when I’m going away?”

Your eyebrows pressed together in confusion. “It was an accident, Jungkook! And don’t act like you aren’t a part of this.”

“I’m not a part of this,” he snapped, his eyes widening at the realization of what he just said. Still, he didn’t correct himself.

His actions were stiff, as if he was struggling to keep from exploding in anger. His eyes were narrowed into slits and his notriles flared every once in awhile. You had never seen this side of him before, and it was scaring you. You placed a hand over you stomach defensively.

“It’s your baby too,” you said, feeling small under the harshness of his gaze.

Jungkook scoffed and looked away. He began pacing back and forth in the living room. Finally, he clicked his tongue and looked at you. “I don’t want it. I can’t have distractions like this when I go to school.”

You stood up and grabbed his forearm, “Jungkook, you’re just stressed right now. I know you don’t mean any of this. We can figure it out.”

Jungkook shoved you away. “I don’t want to figure anything out,” he spat. “I want you and that baby out of my house by this weekend.”

You stepped back, feeling tears begin to pool into you eyes. “You don’t mean that.”

Jungkook looked into your eyes, and your lip quivered to see the raw emotion in them. You could see that you were no longer wanted. “I do.”

So you did as he wanted you to, and left.

-

Many people were there to help you throughout your pregnancy. Taehyung had you move in with him, so he could help as much as possible. As your best friend since kindergarten, he vowed to never leave your side despite everything that had happened.

He lived with another boy, Jimin, who would not get within ten feet of you. According to Taehyung, Jimin was afraid he’d hurt the baby. He helped in indirect ways, and those tended to be buying stylish clothes for the new baby. So now you had nearly an entire dresser filled with onesies that would guarantee your child would be the most fashionable baby on the block.

Taehyung wanted to decorate the nursery, despite your pleas to pick out the design. According to him, since it was his house, he got to pick out the design. So he chose art. He wanted the entire nursery to look like some kind of art museum. You figured this was just his way of keeping all the extra paintings he would have to sell if he couldn’t find room for them.

Really, though, the only reason they were offering so much material needs was because they couldn’t really do anything to help your emotional needs.

No one really knew how depressed you were for the first few weeks after Jungkook left. You kept a smile on your face all day long. Even when you had to quit college to work full-time, you acted as if it was no big deal.

When the day came for you to go for your first sonogram, you were a bit deflated that your mother couldn’t come along with you. You would’ve liked another mother’s support during an important time like this. Instead, you got Taehyung in his scrubs, half asleep from his long day at the pediatric office.

Everything was fine. The doctor showed you the screen, where you were able to see your baby for the first time. Taehyung gripped your hand excitedly, his smile widening as he looked at the screen.

When the doctor left the room to go get the pictures for you to take home, Taehyung turned to you. “This is so amazing, Y/n! I can’t believe Jungkook won’t be here to see this.”

It was a slip of the tongue. He hadn’t meant to say it so insensitively. He had, though, and you burst into tears for the first time since Jungkook left you.

Taehyung held you close to him, apologizing over and over for what he had said. “Hey, Y/n, I’m sorry. It’s going to be okay. It’s going to be okay.”

You sniffed, feeling hot tears flood down your flushed cheeks. “What if it’s not, Tae? What if it’s not okay?”

He couldn’t answer that.

-

The rest of the pregnancy went up and down, mostly with the weather. For the most part, however, you were able to stay cheerful towards the birth of your child.

In July, you gave birth to a beautiful baby girl. You named her Yuna, after one of your old friends from high school. For the first time in nine months, everything seemed worth it. As if a huge weight had been lifted off of your shoulders.

All that mattered now was the little girl in your arms. You would make sure she had everything she needed. You were going to be the best mother you could be.

“I love you, Yuna,” you whispered to the newborn in your arms.

-

Three Years Later

-

“Look, Taehyung, I don’t care how much you spent on it, I will not put a Ryan Mcginley painting up in my daughter’s room and that’s final.” You hung up then, ignoring the protests of your best friend.

You were no longer living with Taehyung and Jimin. In fact, before Yuna’s second birthday, you had saved up enough to go live on your own.

They were still a huge part of Yuna’s life, mostly since they refused to leave the child alone. They were the best uncles in the world, spoiling her with trips to the zoo and ice cream, even when you told them not to.

Luckily, you weren’t too strict when it came to your daughter. As long as she ate her vegetables and didn’t take candy from strangers, you were a pretty chill mother.

Yuna was a good daughter as well. She took a lot from Taehyung and Jimin, like a love for dance from Jimin and an ear for classical music from Tae. From you, she received a resilient spirit and a soft voice.

You could even see hints of Jungkook inside of her. She had his mouth and eyes. She even had his laugh, and his spirit of competitiveness. If only he could see her now, you wondered if he would be proud.

You had made your peace about Jungkook a long time ago. Yuna brought out the forgiving side of you. She was your one reminder that there was nothing more important than your daughter. So you let the past go, choosing to move on and make the best of things.

There had been a few men in your life, although no one ever stayed long. Most of the time, they left as soon as they found out about Yuna. It was just as well, since you didn’t want to date a guy who wouldn’t make time for her.

The phone rang again, and you rolled your eyes as you picked it up. “Taehyung, I told you I’m not putting a painting of a naked woman in my daughter’s room.”

“Y/n? You picked up this time!”

You froze. Without a word, you hung up your phone.

It wasn’t Taehyung. It was Jungkook.

-

Yuna sat on your lap, contently munching on a cookie while you brushed her hair. Aladdin was playing on your television and your daughter watched, transfixed at the bright blue genie that danced around on the screen.

“Mommy?”

“What is it?” You asked, focusing on the tangles in her dark hair.

“I answered the phone while you were in the bathroom the other day.”

“What?” You turned Yuna around. “Was it Tae or Jimin?”

“No.”

“Who was it?”

“I don’t know.” Yuna’s eyes widened as she looked at your fearful expression. “Am I in trouble?” Her lower lip began to quiver.

“No, sweetie! Just try not to pick up the phone if Mommy isn’t in the room, okay?”

“Okay.” She nodded and rubbed under her nose. Then she giggled, “It was a cookie.”

“A cookie?”

“I talked to a cookie,” Yuna confirmed, holding up her own unfinished cookie.

Waves of memories came to your mind, back to a few years ago when you called Jungkook Kookie. Why was Jungkook calling now? Why was he trying to get in touch with you?

Had it already been four years? Did he already graduate from his university? Shouldn’t that mean his actual career is starting up? Shouldn’t that mean he already forgot about you?

“Why don’t we get ready for your nap, Yuna. Alright?”

“Okay!” Your compliant child hopped off of your lap and darted for your bedroom instead of hers. “But I wanna sleep in the big bed!”

“Fine, as long as I get to pick the bedtime story!”

-

As soon as Yuna was asleep, you grabbed your phone and called up the last number on your call log.

"Hello? Jungkook speaking.”

His voice sounded exactly like it did years before, but you couldn’t get the hurtful things he had told you out of his head.

“Listen, it’s Y/n. I don’t want you calling my phone anymore. I don’t want you talking to my daughter, alright?” you spoke with the same authority you used when you caught Yuna’s hand in the cookie jar.

He was silent on the other line for so long that you were about to hang up, until… "So it’s confirmed. I have a daughter. Wow.“

You frowned. "What are you getting at, Jungkook? Why are you calling all of a sudden after all these years? Don’t you have a career to get to?”

Okay, so there was still some bitterness piled up inside of you. Apparently it was a special feature that could only be unlocked with Jungkook’s return.

"Y/n, I was thinking about it and if you let me, I want to get to know her. Yuna, is it?“

"She’s not your daughter, Jungkook.” You told him in a warning tone. After all you did to forget him, he couldn’t just ask to be in Yuna’s life, could he?

"I just want to meet her,“ he begged. "Introduce me as an old friend or something. Please, Y/n? I want to talk to you as well and apologize properly. I’ve grown up a lot the past few years.”

“Fine,” you grumbled. “I’ll text you our address. One day. You come and see her, apologize to me, and leave. Nothing more and nothing less.”

He breathed a sigh of relief into the receiver, "Thank you so much. I promise that’s all I’ll do.“

-

Yuna was a good kid. She never asked questions she shouldn’t have, and she was more than willing to role with the punches. For instance, when you told her one of your friends would be visiting, she was happy. When you told her it was the "cookie” she had talked to on the phone, she was ecstatic.

She insisted on wearing her favorite clothes to meet her new friend. This consisted of a purple skirt, bright pink hightop sneakers, and a black tracksuit top. For the final touch, she placed her fake tiara on top the long hair she wouldn’t let you brush out.

“I’m going to see my cookie friend!” she sang as she followed you around the house.

“Yuna, help me pick up your toys so it will be clean for your cookie friend, okay?”

“Okay!” She did help you clean up. Albeit, this consisted of her trying to shove all her toys into the bathtub.

“That’s not where they go, Yuna!”

The doorbell rang, drowning out your daughter’s mischievous giggles. You ran to open the door.

“Hey, Y/n.” There was Jungkook, dressed in a pair of black skinny jeans and a tucked in t-shirt. You almost laughed at the fact that his clothes were practically the same as they were a few years ago.

You opened your mouth to greet him, but the running faucet interrupted your thoughts. “Yuna!”

You addressed Jungkook as you walked backwards into the bathroom, “Make yourself comfortable while I go tame the monster. I don’t know why she’s so hyper today.”

Jungkook chose to follow you into the bathroom instead. He leaned against the doorway while you scolded Yuna.

You quickly turned off the faucet, and Yuna shrieked in laughter, stomping her feet excitedly. “They’re swimming, Mommy!”

“Yes,” you agreed. “But what did I tell you about putting your stuffed animals in the water?”

“I don’t remember,” Yuna said with an impish shrug. She turned then, noticing the tall man in the doorway. She pushed past you and ran up to him. “Hello! Are you my cookie friend?”

Jungkook squatted down to get on Yuna’s level, and the action made you wonder ruefully what it would’ve been like of Jungkook had stayed. Sure, Yuna had plenty of father figures in her life. She had Taehyung, Jimin, and your own father. Still, she knew none of them were her dad. She knew her dad wasn’t in the picture.

A part of you wished for Jungkook to stay for her sake. So she could grow up with a father. You wanted her to be able to brag to her preschool friends next year about how cool her dad was. How he was a photographer with a degree of sports medicine under his belt. You wanted more than anything for Yuna to have the father she deserved. He was so close to the two of you. Yet, instead of Dad, he was a cookie friend to your daughter.

The thought was upsetting.

“Since you’re a cookie, and you’re really really tall, can you get the cookie jar for me?” Yuna pleaded, finding nothing awkward about a new person in her home. “Mommy put it on top of the regurgitate.”

Jungkook looked at you for reference.

“She means refrigerator,” you said. “Of all the big words she knows, that’s the one she can never remember.”

“But she can remember regurgitate?” Jungkook asked you as you ushered them both out of the small bathroom.

“I didn’t study child logic, so how would I know?” you asked rhetorically. “Yuna, how about you go play in your room for a moment so me and Jungkook can talk.”

“Is Jungkook the name of my cookie friend?” Yuna whispered to you politely, as if the question might offend Jungkook.

“Yes,” you whispered back. “I’ll call you when you can come out, okay?”

Yuna agreed casually, mentioning that she did need to have a tea party with some of her dolls. “G. I. Joe still doesn’t know his table manners,” she explained to Jungkook in a scandalized voice, as if she were gossiping.

When she left, you laughed quietly, “She asked for G. I. Joes, but all she’s done with them is criticize their manners. I think she sees me scolding Taehyung too much.”

Jungkook smiled softly in the direction of the hallway Yuna disappeared into. “She’s beautiful. Well mannered, too. Those aren’t from my genes.”

You grimaced, “Just wait till you play a game with her and you can see the clear amount of Jungkook. She looks like you, too. Doesn’t she?”

“Yeah. She has my eyes.” Jungkook licked his lips nervously. “Look, Y/n, I’m really sorry I left you two. I was obviously immature back then, and it took me forever to finally return. I’m sorry you had to go through the pregnancy alone. I’m sorry you had to raise her on your own.”

You waved away Jungkook’s apology, your feelings too guarded to speak honestly with him. Instead, you acted unbothered. “I didn’t raise her on my own, so don’t worry about it. Taehyung and Jimin helped me, as did my parents. My job pays well too, so I’m able to afford this apartment for the two of us.”

Jungkook nodded. “Did, um, did you get your business degree?”

You smiled bitterly, “I had to drop my classes to work full-time. It’s okay, though. Once Yuna is in preschool, I’m thinking of taking night classes. It all depends on whether or not my boss gives me the raise I’ve been asking for.”

“I could help,” Jungkook said timidly. “I mean, I could help take care of Yuna now so you could start school a whole year early. Then I could spend time with her while you get your degree.”

“I don’t know,” you said, “I don’t think I’m comfortable leaving you with her when I’m not here.”

Jungkook nodded in understanding. “Okay. It was just a thought. Can I still visit her?”

“I suppose,” you said, “I guess I can’t deny a father of visiting his daughter. However, if that’s decided,” you said, “Let’s set some rules. Yuna has no idea you’re her dad and I don’t want her to know right now. Not until I’m sure you’re going to stay and not leave like last time. You’re just her friend for now, like Taehyung and Jimin. That’s it. If you want to come back into her life as a father, you need to prove yourself a father first, got it?”

“Got it,” Jungkook gulped nervously.

You smirked at the fear in his eyes. You had gotten pretty authoritative since becoming a mother, and it came in handy when putting your foot down. Everything you had said was true, however.

You didn’t really want Jungkook back in your life. It was all too sudden and painful. Like an unexpected, undocumented flood that just appears on your finest day. The day you thought everything was going to be okay. The day you though everything was finally okay. Yet suddenly all your plans are changed because waters are building up and up and destroying everything you ever worked for.

It had been you and Yuna for the past three years, alone and happy, content to leave your past in the past. Yet now Jungkook just shows up, out of nowhere, asking to come back into your daughter’s life? It hurt. Every memory of his and your past relationship swam around in your mind as you watched Jungkook.

As floods go, whatever levee hiding behind your eyes was being rapidly overtaken by the salty tears you had kept in for so long, until suddenly…

“Hey, are you crying?” Jungkook asked, reaching to touch your face on instinct, as if he had never left.

“I need you to go, Jungkook.” Your lip trembled and your fingers shook as reality finally set in.

“Why? What’s wrong?” Jungkook reached for you once again, but you found yourself recoiling with clenched teeth.

"Just go.“

So he did. He was silent as he grabbed his coat and left.

As soon as the door was shut, you walked into Yuna’s room and leaned against the door, "Hey, Yuna? Why don’t you sleep in Mommy’s bed tonight?”

Yuna looked up from her tea set and peeked around you, her eyebrows furrowing. “Where’s Kookie?”

“Kookie had to go home,” you said. “You’ll see him later, okay?”

Yuna smiled, “Okay! I have a lot to show him. We’re going to become the bestest of friends!”

You sighed internally, because you knew in that moment that no matter how much it hurt, you would have to invite Jungkook back. For Yuna had become attached to her father, even if she didn’t know who he was.

So for Yuna, you would let Jungkook back into her life. Which, unfortunately, also meant letting him back into yours.

-

The next day, the weather seemed to reflect the dread that was permanently settled in your stomach. Rain poured throughout the morning, causing Yuna to be rather pouty at the breakfast table. She had unearthed her raincoat and boots, and they sat on the floor beside her chair. “Can I please go outside?” she begged.

“No,” you answered, doing the dishes while Yuna ate her cereal discontentedly. “I don’t want you to catch a cold.”

Yuna pouted. “If Kookie is coming to take me out to the park, why can’t I go outside?”

You took your opportunity, “Maybe we’ll cancel with Jungkook and have him come another day.”

As you reached for your phone with the intention of doing just that, the doorbell rang.

Yuna dropped her spoon, letting it fall into the leftover milk with a splash. “Kookie!” She squirmed out of her seat and ran to the door.

You followed begrudgingly. Why did she have to become attached to Jungkook? He wasn’t that interesting, honestly. It was just your luck that Jungkook would become someone your daughter attached herself to. In one instance, it would be nice for her to get along with her father. In another, you were afraid of letting her get too attached, when he might simply leave later.

Playdates were fun, especially when you could leave the child with her mom for the night. However, taking care of child when they were sick, or punishing them when they’ve done something wrong, or struggling to put the child down for a nap… these things weren’t easy. Jungkook had no idea what it was like to take care of a child. The very thought of it sent him running away four years ago. Who’s to say it wouldn’t send him running again this year?

With your guard up, you opened the door. Yuna had chosen halfway to the door that she was too shy to open it up to Jungkook, so you had to do it for her.

Jungkook looked up from his phone, his face hidden by a black hoodie. He cracked a smile, “Hey, Y/n. Hey, Yuna.”

Yuna looked up from behind your legs, “Hi.”

Your eyes unconsciously traced down Jungkook’s body. You suddenly let out a chuckle, “Why’d you wear your Timberlands in the rain?”

Jungkook smiled and looked down at his feet, “It’s always a good time to wear Timbs.”

“You’ve ruined them,” you said.

Yuna looked down at Jungkook’s shoes, “They’re wet! You need rubber boots, like me!”

Jungkook smiled down at her, “I’ll bring them next time.”

His soft voice sent a gentle ping in your heart as you remembered all the times you two used to go out.

-

You could remember the day the two of you moved in together. It was a new apartment, and the two of you had been too tired to assemble the bed. So, you both placed the mattress on the living room floor and piled blankets over it to keep warm. You used Jungkook’s chest as a pillow, his slow heartbeat lulling you to sleep.

In the darkness, Jungkook’s soft voice had broken the silence, “Babe?”

“What?” you asked.

“Do you think my parents are right? Do you think we’re too young?” he whispered his doubts into the night.

You rubbed Jungkook’s chest comfortingly, “We’re going to be okay, Jungkook. We’re going to prove them wrong.”

“But we’re not even in college yet,” he said. “We’re barely out of high school.”

“So?” You asked him. “We’re working on it, and we’ve got good jobs. It’s not like we’re using their money. This was all from our own hard work. We deserve to feel unworried in our new home.”

Jungkook sighed and kissed your forehead. “You’re right. Thanks, Y/n.”

“No problem.”

Jungkook’s parents had warned you to be careful when moving in. They had reminded you that Jungkook was young and impulsive. You knew that your boyfriend was immature. He was also prideful, and had a quick temper.

Still, you loved him and wished to ignore his parents. You assumed Jungkook would grow and mature with age. You had assumed, in that innocent hour, that whatever trials came forth, you and Jungkook would get through it.

You never thought he would up and leave you because of a child. Yet he had, and now after four years he had returned.

Had he really changed like he said? How could you trust him long enough to tell?

-

“Okay,” you spoke as you pulled the raincoat over Yuna’s shoulders. “Make sure she keeps this on. I don’t want her getting sick. She’ll try to persuade you to take it off; don’t listen to her,” you advised.

Jungkook nodded. “I’ll bring her back before lunch.”

Yuna pouted as you pulled rain boots onto her feet. “Why can’t I eat with Kookie?”

You bit your lip.

Jungkook saved you from having to be the bad guy, however, by answering for you. “Well, you need to spend time with you mother, don’t you?”

“And Tae’s coming,” you said.

“Tae Tae?” Yuna squealed and clapped her hands. “I hope he makes me sandwiches.” She then turned to Jungkook and said very seriously, “I like it when Taehyung makes sandwiches.”

Jungkook chuckled and reached down to ruffle her hair. “I’ll make sure to bring you back in time to eat them. Are you ready to go jump into some puddles?”

“Yeah!” Yuna accepted Jungkook’s hand, her small one only able to latch onto about two of his fingers. “Let’s go, Kookie!”

-

A few days later, you tapped your feet angrily as you held the phone up to your ear. The dial tone rang twice before he picked up, his voice nonchalant, "Hey, Y/n.“

"Jeon Jungkook, you disobeyed me,” you griped into the receiver. “Yuna woke up today with a cold!”

"…“

"Jungkook!”

"I’m sorry, okay? She gave me these puppy dog eyes and so I let her take her coat off for a few minutes. The rain had stopped by then so I thought it would be fine.“

"Well it’s not fine,” you snapped, “When it comes to my daughter, I need you to listen to me.”

Jungkook sighed on the other line, "Look, Y/n, I know you’re sensitive about this whole thing but it really is just a cold. Give her some fluids and she’ll be bouncing back in no time.“

"That’s not the point and you know it. This is about you thinking you can do whatever just because she’s your daughter, but she’s not. Okay, Jungkook? She’s not your daughter and no matter how much time you spend with her, she will never be. Got it?”

There was a pause on the other line, then a rustle as if Jungkook was switching the phone to his other cheek. "That’s not fair. I’m back now, trying to make up for the years I’ve lost and you’re giving me little to no room to do it. I know your worried and scared that I’ll leave again but I won’t. I promise I’m not going anywhere so please let me continue to hang out with Yuna. Please.“

You sighed. "I don’t know, Jungkook. There’s no way for me to know if you’ve really changed from that immature person you were years ago. There are years of damage and hurt in this family because of you.”

"I know,“ his voice sounded strained. "You don’t know how much I regret it. That’s why I’m back now. I’m trying to make things okay again. I’m trying to give Yuna a father.”

You sighed. “We’ll see, Jungkook. I want to believe you, but I can’t. I can’t believe another empty promise.”

"I’ll prove it you,“ Jungkook proposed, "Go back to school and let me take care of Yuna. Let me learn what it’s like to be a real parent. Then I can prove that I’m worthy enough to be in Yuna’s life.”

“I’ll think about it,” you answered. “Bye, Jungkook.”

Hours later, you were reading a bedtime story to Yuna, who was half-asleep and miserable with her stuffy nose and cough. Your dialogue was interrupted but the doorbell ringing. “Maybe Tae brought some medicine,” you whispered, knowing that you had run out a few hours earlier.

You got up, but Yuna whined and stretched her arms out, “Don’t go, Mommy.”

“You can come with me, okay?” You picked her up and balanced her on one hip. Her head found the dip in your shoulder and her lithe arms wrapped around your neck.

You opened the door, surprisingly not surprised to see Jungkook, standing in the pouring rain with a sheepish smile on his face. He held up a grocery bag. “I’ve got medicine and snacks.”

Yuna turned to look at Jungkook, and you could see his gaze melt at the sight of her being sick. “Hey, Kookie,” she said through a stuffed nose.

“Hey, Yuna,” he replied, reaching out to rub her back comfortingly. “I’m sorry that you’re sick.”

“It’s okay,” she replied, breathing through her mouth. “Mommy let me have ice cream.”

Your eyes widened as Jungkook turned to look at you, a smirk on his face. “It was so she would take her medicine!” you defended.

“Sure, it was,” Jungkook chuckled. “Has she had another dosage?”

“No,” you answered, “She needs one before bed.”

“Alright, let me go measure it and I’ll bring it back.”

“Actually…” You reached out to stop him from entering the kitchen. “I usually give her less than the required amount, and she had a special cup she always likes to drink out of afterwards…”

Jungkook smiled, “Then you go pour the medicine and I’ll hold Yuna.”

Yuna must’ve heard the conversation, because she tiredly spun around in your arms and stretched her hands out towards Jungkook. He pulled her into his own hold, and smiled when she began to play with the hair that brushed the back of his collar. “Go ahead, Y/n. I’ve got her.”

You went into the kitchen and poured the correct dosage (but a little less) for her age. Then you grabbed her favorite Minnie Mouse thermos and filled it with juice.

When you returned to the living room, Jungkook was sitting on the sofa with Yuna on his lap. Jungkook had his phone out and was showing Yuna different selfie filters. They were both giggling, in their own little world as Jungkook chose different filters for the two of them.

You unconsciously leaned against the wall, marveling at how natural Jungkook was with her. Who knew he would be good with kids? It had taken you months to get the rhythm of being a mother down. Yet here Jungkook was, winning Yuna over with something as simple as the snow app. You were sort of jealous. However, it confirmed one thing you were worried about. Jungkook might be able to take care of Yuna on his own, if the need ever arose.

It was Jungkook who noticed you first, and he licked his lips nervously before smiling at you. “You’re back.”

“Mommy! Me and Kookie were puppies!” Yuna shouted excitedly.

"Kookie and I,”you corrected, which made Jungkook scoff and roll his eyes.

“What?” you asked, offended.

“Nothing…” Jungkook sang. Then he looked at Yuna, “Let’s take some medicine, okay?”

Yuna pouted. “I don’t want to.”

Jungkook clicked his tongue against the roof of his mouth. “But you have to. How else are you going to get stronger?”

Yuna rose her eyebrows. “I want muscles like you, Kookie.”

“You do?” Kookie smiled and flexed his bicep.

You rolled your eyes. “Please stop.”

Jungkook laughed as Yuna poked his muscles. She turned to you, “Can I have biceps like Kookie?”

“If you want,” you shrugged. Then you glared at Jungkook, “Put your arm down you weirdo.”

Jungkook wriggled his eyebrows. “Why? See something you like?”

You ignored him and walked over, handing the medicine cup to Yuna. “Drink up.”

Yuna pouted and looked at Jungkook. “Do I have to?” she whispered to him.

“You do if you want to be strong and healthy like me,” Jungkook whispered back.

Yuna nodded and tipped her head back, swallowing the medicine with a strangled gulp. You handed her the thermos quickly and she began to chug her apple juice to get rid of the gross taste in her mouth.

Jungkook laughed and looked at the medicine cup. “It’s like she was taking a shot.”

“Mommy, what’s a shot?”

You groaned and fell back onto the sofa dramatically. “It’s what Kookie is going to get if he doesn’t watch what he says around you.”

“Harsh,” Jungkook mumbled. “Hey, can I have some apple juice?”

You stood up, seemingly annoyed as you walked into the kitchen. “I signed up for one kid, not two!”

Jungkook laughed as he watched you leave, “Thank you!”

-

You were an adult now. So was Jungkook. Perhaps things healed faster the older you got, because the more Jungkook hung out with you and your daughter, the more you found yourself believing him. Perhaps he really meant it when he said he was going to stay this time. It was getting easier to forgive him as well, and Jungkook could sense it. He could sense you opening up to him a bit more. You even allowed him to stay over one night on the couch, just because it was too late and he was too tired to drive home.

The point was that you and Jungkook had gotten closer. As had Yuna and Jungkook. In fact, you were considering telling Yuna the truth soon.

One day, you called Jungkook and asked him to watch Yuna for the night, “I’m going on a date,” you explained, looking through a pile of clean laundry to fold.

“Go Y/n!“ Jungkook teased from the receiver.

"Look, he’s really nice and I’m really excited about this date. Can you please watch Yuna for a few hours so I can go?” you begged.

"No offense, Y/n, but does this guy know about Yuna?“

"No,” you answered, “and you’re not going to tell him, alright? I never tell guys on the first date. It turns them off.”

"It shouldn’t,“ Jungkook said.

"You’re one to talk,” you snapped as you folded some of Yuna’s pajamas.

"I’m just saying, Y/n. You should tell the guy about Yuna beforehand. If he doesn’t want you after knowing you have a kid, than he isn’t that interested in you.“

You pressed your tongue against the side of your cheek. "I don’t really think I need a lecture from you of all people.”

"Look, I’m saying this because of what I did. You need to find a guy who wants to date both you and Yuna. You’re a package deal.“

You sighed, "I’ll tell him Jungkook. I’ll bring it up at dinner, alright? Except I don’t know why you have to lecture me like a parent. It’s my decision.”

"I know,“ he answered. "but this guy could be Yuna’s future stepdad. If he isnt ready for her in the beginning than he isn’t ready for her at all.”

“Is it the same for you?” you asked. “Or does the fact that you left without getting to know your daughter not hold any recollection in your mind?”

"Y/n—”

“No, listen to me,” you interrupted. “I appreciate all of what you’ve done for me and Yuna. Seriously, you’ve been a huge help. However, we aren’t on that level, Jungkook. You don’t get to tell me who to date and how to date. You don’t get to waltz in unannounced and pretend like you didn’t leave us four years ago. You did. I think we’re both adults and can properly admit it by now. Own up to it and stop acting like you didn’t used to be a bad person. You did, Jungkook. You left us to pursue a career and that hurt. If I’m to go and start dating after Yuna was born, you don’t get to tell me how to do it. I’m sorry, Jungkook, but you have no say in either of our lives.”

The other end of the line was silent for a moment, and you felt a sting of remorse. Had you been too harsh on him?

“I understand,“ he finally said. "You’re right. I don’t have a say in either of your lives and it kills me every day to know that if I hadn’t of been such a selfish kid, I would’ve seen her grow up and she would’ve had a father. I know. I’m doing my best to make up for it here and you’re making it hard. Can’t you see I’ve changed? Can’t you see I’m trying?”

You sighed, “Okay, okay. I can see that you’re trying. I really can see the change, and Yuna loves you. I wouldn’t want her to miss out on you just because we had a fight.”

"Thanks. I’ll be there tonight. Is five o'clock okay?“

"Yeah,” you answered quietly. “It’s okay.”

-

Jungkook never could figure out your pattern. It was like that when the two of you were dating. He never quite knew what set you off. You were unpredictable; a ticking time bomb of emotions. Jungkook loved that about you.

He loved how you always spoke your mind, even if it came out in emotional rambles that had him confused from the start. It kept him on his toes. It made him love you even more. There was always a surprise around the corner.

He hadn’t really expected it that fateful night when he found the pregnancy test in the trash. Panic had been the first think in his mind.

How could he be a father? How could he take care of a child? Where would he get the money? Where would he find the time? How could the two of you be parents so young? Would he even be allowed to go to college now? All of his money would go to the baby, wouldn’t it?

Jungkook felt like there was only one option. It was extreme, but it seemed like the only option. After all, wasn’t it your fault that you were pregnant? You told him you were on birth control, so he hadn’t used a condom. That is what the two of you agreed on. So the only logical explanation is that you had lied about the birth control.

It was all your fault. That way, Jungkook could go to school and feel no guilt of leaving you with the baby.

That’s what he had thought, anyway. It worked fine for three and a half years. He was working hard and getting his degree. The last thing on his mind was that fact that you were a mother, trying to support your child. It wasn’t until he began studying for his finals in his last year of college that he remembered you.

He was walking alone in the park, trying to find a break from his constant exams. The bench was his favorite place, since it served as a solace away from his schooling. As he was resting his eyes, he heard a small, high-pitched voice.

“Daddy! Come swing me!”

Jungkook opened his eyes to see a small boy running towards the swings, a grown man in tow. “Wait up!”

The child giggled and ran ahead anyway.

As Jungkook watched, he found himself smiling. Then, frowning as he remembered the past he had tried so hard to forget. He wondered where you were and if you had chosen to keep the child. He wondered if the child was a boy or a girl and what you had named it. A sensitive pang hit his chest as he thought about what it would’ve been like if he had been there. If he had stuck through and been a true father to the kid. Would he take them out to the park as well? Would you and him fight over who the child loved more?

Jungkook cursed under his breath. It didn’t matter now, did it?

It did, though. After tossing and turning for nights on end, Jungkook finally lost it. After his final exams, he picked up his phone and called the number he remembered, although he couldn’t quite remember the last digit.

"Hello! Mommy can’t talk right now!“ a small voice picked up the phone, startling Jungkook.

He quickly composed himself, "Hello. Is your, uh, Mommy named Y/n?”

“Well… Tae Tae calls her that but I usually call her Mommy.”

“Can you tell her I called?” Jungkook asked, feeling a lump in his throat. He had a daughter. She sounded content and happy, like everything he could hope for.

"I’ll tell her! What’s your name?“

"I’m Kookie,” he answered on instinct, forgetting to use his real name.

"Cookie? I love cookies! You can be my new cookie friend, okay?“

Jungkook laughed, "Sounds great. What’s your name?”

“I’m Yuna. Yuna Jeon Y/l/n.”

Jungkook stilled. You kept his last name? As a middle name, yes, but you still kept it. He was still connected to you, through his child.

He would try his hardest to redeem himself and make Yuna proud to carry his name. He had to.

That was his goal and he wasn’t going to be discouraged into leaving you two again. He was going to stick with it this time. He was going to redeem himself.

-

When Jungkook arrived, he rang the doorbell like he always did. Most of the days he visited, you always opened the door hastily, wearing sweatpants and shouting at Yuna to get away from something semi-dangerous. It was an endearing habit Jungkook had come to love because it showed that your life truly did revolve around your kid. That was amazing to him.

Today was even more amazing, in a different way, because you were dressed up when you opened the door. Jungkook could feel his jaw scraping the ground as his eyes raked down your body. You were dressed in a flowing red dress, paired with heels and a shining smile.

“Hey, Jungkook.” you greeted him like you always did. “Yuna is playing with play dough in the kitchen. Try not to get it on the carpet.”

Then you leaned forward and kissed him on the cheek. “Go into the kitchen before he picks me up. I don’t want him to think I have guys over.”

Jungkook obeyed, feeling too shaken to argue. You kissed him on the cheek occasionally, as a friendly way to convey your thanks for him watching Yuna. However, it never felt like that. Or it hadn’t since four years ago, at least. Memories were flooding back to Jungkook as he felt the obvious spark between the two of you.

He felt pathetic and immature again. He had missed his chance. It didn’t matter if he came back to find that he loved you and your daughter all the more. It didn’t matter that he was trying to help around as much as he could. You would never see past what he had done. There would always be that fear the he would leave again. It was his own fault that you felt that way. He couldn’t deny it. He could only pray that you would change your mind.

“Yuna?” He walked into the kitchen to see Yuna on the floor with actual dinner plates, making meals with the never ending abundance of play dough. Jungkook had never seen so much play dough in his life. Yuna had obviously mixed all the colors together before, because it was just a big brown pile squashed into a giant plastic container. “What are you doing?”

“I’m making dinner!” Yuna replied as she rolled the dough into a big ball. “Right now I’m making bread rolls for your app-e-teaser.”

“Appetizers?” Jungkook corrected softly.

Yuna smiled at him, “Mommy taught me that word today. She said she’s going to a restaurant. Since I can’t go with her, I’m making my own just for us.”

Jungkook heard the door close and knew it was a sign that you had left to go on your date. “So, how do you feel about your mom going to a restaurant.”

Yuna filled her cheeks up with air and pouted, “She’s finding me a Daddy but I don’t want her to.”

“Why not?” Jungkook asked, feeling bitter that he couldn’t just tell her the truth right there.

“I want a fun daddy. If he takes Mommy out he should take her to the zoo! Or the aquarium! They can look at the animals together and be happy! Sitting at a table and eating is too boring. I want a daddy like you, who takes me out to splash in the puddles.”

Jungkook stilled, feeling his heart stop for few seconds before restarting. “You mean it?”

Yuna nodded, unfazed and she handed Jungkook a giant lump of brown. “Now make me some steak, please.”

-

You slammed the taxi door shut after paying for the ride. You were angry and sad, wishing to do nothing but curl up with Yuna in your pajamas and watch a Disney movie.

How dare he, honestly. As soon as you mentioned you had a child, your date began asking questions. She lives with her dad, doesn’t she? She doesn’t? Will she be out of the house when I’m over?

And your favorite: You raised her all by yourself?

“Why yes I did, you ambivalent meat sack,” you griped to yourself as you made your way to your apartment door.

You pushed the key into the hole, wondering if Jungkook had gotten Yuna to bed yet. It was nearly eight o'clock, and she should at least be ready to sleep, if not slumbering.

You were met with Jungkook and Yuna on the floor of the living room. It appeared that they had made a blanket fort and proceeded to climb into it and fall asleep together. Yuna was dressed in her nightclothes and her hair was wet, so you naturally assumed Jungkook did his job of washing and clothing her before bed.

Quietly, so as not to wake them, you went to your bedroom and got yourself ready for bed. One shower and a pair of pajamas later, you came back to wake Yuna up so Jungkook could go home.

“Don’t,” Jungkook warned quietly, his eyes still closed as you reached for your daughter. “It took me an hour to get her to sleep and she wouldn’t sleep in her bed. It had to be with me. I’m really happy but also annoyed because my arm is asleep and I can’t move it in case I wake her up. Just leave us here and I’ll get up in the morning.”

You laughed quietly, “What about your job?”

Jungkook sighed. “It’s flexible. I can choose when I work and when I don’t work. I don’t have any set time I have to work.”

“That’s nice,” you mentioned.

“It is,” Jungkook agreed, “It gives me more time with Yuna. That’s also why I proposed you going back to school in the first place. If you wanted to, I really can stay with Yuna no matter the hours.”

You grabbed a large blanket that had been shoved in the corner and pulled it over the pair, along with you as you cuddled close to Jungkook’s side. “I might have to take you up on that offer.”

“Hey, you wanna know what Yuna told me?” Jungkook reached his arm around you to rub circles into your back.

“What’d she tell you.”

Jungkook suddenly smiled and leaned down to make sure you were looking at him. “She told me she wanted a dad like me. How cool is that? We can tell her soon, right? Since she’s cool with it?”

A soft smile bloomed on your lips, “When do we tell her?”

Jungkook bit his lip, “The zoo.”

“The zoo?”

“Yeah, we’ll tell her in front of the giraffe exhibit or something.”

“That actually sounds like fun,” you said. “I’m off tomorrow. Do you want to go then?”

“Sounds like a plan.” Jungkook smiled once more before returning to his sleeping position.

-

“I’m telling you, Jungkook. If you buy her one more animal-themed dessert we’re leaving the zoo.”

Jungkook pouted and looked at Yuna. She was currently balanced on his hip, contently eating a lion-shaped popsicle. She was dressed in a t-shirt and overalls, with her very own pair of Timberlands, curtesy of Jungkook. You weren’t sure why you allowed them to be together honestly. They always teamed up against you.

“But she looks so sad when she asks for it!” Jungkook argued.

“That’s the point!” You told him as Yuna giggled into his shoulder. “She’s playing you like a fiddle and you don’t even know it.”

Jungkook grinned. “Does it annoy you that she likes me more than she likes you?”

“Yeah, it does, since I was the one who pushed her out of my vag—”

“Not in front of my daughter!” Jungkook shouted, reaching forward to cover your mouth.

Your eyes widened, as did Yuna’s when she heard the word “daughter”.

She suddenly grinned, “I knew it! You are my fun daddy because you remembered to take Mommy to the zoo!”

“What’s she talking about?” you whispered.

“Heck if I know, am I right?” Jungkook laughed awkwardly. Then he cleared his throat. “Let’s go sit down on that secluded bench over there.”

Once everyone was settled onto the bench, Jungkook nodded at you. You took a deep breath, “Yuna, we need to tell you something.”

Yuna grinned, “Is Kookie going to be my new dad?!”

You grimaced, “Well, he’s kind of already your dad, Yuna. Jungkook is your dad.”

Yuna furrowed her eyebrows and looked up at Jungkook, “Then where did you go?”

Jungkook opened his mouth to answer, but you spoke before he could. “Jungkook went to school for a bit to become smarter.”

Yuna nodded, “He takes pictures and helps fix people’s muscles!”

“He does,” you agreed, “and now it’s Mommy’s turn to go to school, so Jungkook is going to be taking care of you a lot more in the future.”

“Okay,” Yuna agreed rather nonchalantly. “Are you guys going to get married? All my friend’s parents are married.”

You looked at Jungkook nervously. He only shrugged, “We’ll call this our first date and see how it goes from there, yeah?”

You smiled and looked down at your lap, flustered. If he was willing to try again, you were sure you could be willing too.

Yuna giggled. “Can our second date be at the aquarium?”

Jungkook kissed the top of her head. “You got it, Kiddo.”

~the end~

[emilyplaysotome]

Part 37 - The Bachelorette

Down the Voltage Rabbit Hole is an ongoing story about our MC, who could easily be anyone in voltage fandom. She woke up in hospital bed only to discover that she’d somehow been transported Voltage universe.

This story is ongoing, so if you missed a part, or are new to the story, please use the link to the masterpost below to catch yourself up:

https://tinyurl.com/k4rrxna

Part 37 - The Bachelorette

I am not, nor have I ever been a religious person.

It’s fair to say that I am one of those people who would classify myself as “spiritual” in the sense that I like the idea of reincarnation better than heaven and hell, which has always felt so binary to me. 

I believe in the fact that we, as human beings, are limited in our understanding of the world around us. I have always considered myself to be agnostic, and I believe if God, or some higher power does in fact exist, he/she probably isn’t as petty as the God I learned about as a child in the bible stories that come to mind.

With that said, this particular God who ruled all over the heavens as king, appeared to be as petty as the God from the old testament.

“My poor little Zyglavis,” he said with an amused smile that I didn’t trust for a second, “Oh well! I suppose the events to come will provide me with great entertainment...and that’s really all I can ask of someone as insignificant as yourself.”

It was clear that this God was an omnipotent, all powerful shit-stirrer, and being aware of that fact I thought it unwise to rock the boat any more than I already had. I simply bowed my head in response, as I tried to formulate the best way to provoke him into giving me answers to all the questions that I was currently kicking around in my head.

When I found myself unable to find the right words, I found myself muttering an, “Um,” which turned out to be just as successful in inciting the king to engage with me further.

“Yes? Speak up human.”

“Your highness...you said I had a week. What do you mean by that?”

“The tome Huedhaut found - the door. I’ll be sure to give you a personal send off then.”

“But why in a week, why not just send me back now?”

“Because where would the fun in that be? The second I heard your thoughts to take someone home with you, I felt compelled to intervene. Giving you a deadline will only serve to make it a more enjoyable viewing for me.”

I had to chuckle at that - the king of the heavens was far more of a troublemaker than I ever anticipated. 

It was clear that intervention was not quite what he was after, and it would be more accurate to say that he wanted to shake things up and then bask in the afterglow. What he craved was obviously reality-tv style entertainment at the hands of a few Goldfish and one of his most trusted ministers. 

Not wanting to let him down, and seeing as how I have always been a fan of reality shows, I decided to take the bait and appeal to his desire for what I would consider to be good, trashy television.

“I’ll make a deal with you,” I said, fully aware of how brazen I was being towards a creature who could smite me with the snap of his fingers.

“A deal with me?”

The king of the Gods’ smile hid something darker, but I didn’t let that scare me. I was in the home stretch so to speak, and I was determined to win the otome game that I’d been playing these past few weeks.

“I get three overnight dates. One with each guy. At the end of the week I choose one of them to return home with me and you see to it that he’s able to do so...even if that means losing one of your ministers.”

“Oh-ho!”

It was suddenly clear where Leon had picked up that small quirk of his, and the King, visibly amused cocked his head to the side.

The idea of three overnight dates with three men, resulting in one winner evidently intrigued the king, as I figured it would. After all, the Bachelorette had built its entire franchise on this concept, and had managed to keep itself alive and booming for over a decade after it first premiered on television. 

If that format was good enough for millions of Americans I had to figure it’d be just as good for a God who loved a little drama.

“You know it’s forbidden for a Goldfish to lay with a God, do you not?”

“I do. But part of my deal with you, is that you allow it - you give us your blessing.”

“And what am I getting in return?”

“Entertainment. Each night this week you’ll be able to tune in and see what happens. Don’t you want to see if I’ll be able to seduce a man as steadfast as Zyglavis? Isn’t that why you were encouraging me to try moments ago? You want to test him. You want to know if his loyalty towards you can be swayed. But if it can...I get him. Do we have a deal?”

“We do.”

The king of the heavens seemed delighted at the prospect of watching me as the Bachelorette, and with a far off look in his eyes, muttered something to himself about being able to part with anyone other than his beloved Scorpio. Upon hearing that I wondered if Scorpio and the king might be lovers (considering his clear attachment), but seeing as how it was none of my business, and not wanting to engage the king further, I bowed once more and began to exit the bath.

“Goldfish.”

I paused, worried that the king might throw another curveball my way and timidly turned back to face him.

“Choose wisely. Good luck.”

With the snap of his fingers he was gone, and my time as the Bachelorette was just now beginning.

I’d watched a fair amount of reality tv in my day and knew full well what I was going to get myself into with these overnight dates. 

For once, the speed at which feelings grew between people in this world seemed to be beneficial, and I pondered how, on my overnight dates in a fantasy suite, I could accurately gauge the interest of “forever” with a man who I’d only known for a short amount of time.

On the show, The Bachelor(ette) they kept things vague in terms of how far things progressed sexually between the contestants, but knowing that I was going to be headed home in only a week made me certain insofar as how I wanted to handle things. 

I’m sure there will be many who would judge me for this, but I knew that I’d need to sleep with all of them (unless something happened on the date that prompted me to change my mind), in order to properly evaluate our sexual chemistry, along with our long term potential.

Back in Zyglavis’ room, I changed into my pajamas (not quite ready for bed) and sat at Operation GTFO HQ with my slice of cake and laptop. 

I had planned on starting to write lyrics for Revance, but with a new project fresh in my mind, I decided to focus on planning my last week in this world. Having been familiar with the king of the Heavens from the game back home, I knew him to be a trickster, who often set up situations for his own amusement. 

Even though he’d told me that he would send me home personally, I considered the fact that he might not be telling me the truth. He was the type of God who often did what would amuse him most, and if that involved me being stuck in this world, it was obvious that he’d have no qualms as far as backing out of our deal.

For the time being, I would stay committed to reclaiming my independence while going on my Bachelorette style dates. 

If the king were to back out of his promise to send me home, I hoped that Huedhaut and the other Gods might be able to get me back under the assumption that I returned to my old self and shook off the characteristics that kept me stuck in otome-ville.

With all this in mind, I did what I did best and put together a tentative plan for the week to come.

Tomorrow (or today, seeing as how it was 2:30 A.M.), I would go to Ryo’s cafe and whip up Revance’s lyrics for them. 

Once they were approved, I would ask the band to wire me payment for the songs which would hopefully cover a shopping spree on Sunday. Like any notable Bachelorette, I was going to need a fabulous wardrobe for my upcoming dates. 

The king of the Heavens was unfamiliar with the production value associated with a show like the Bachelorette, and in order to curry his favor I wanted to deliver. This meant using the money from Revance on gowns, hair and makeup, in addition to planning extravagant dates designed to create a real life fairy tale experience.

Once I secured the funds needed to bankroll a week of luxury and glamor, I would coordinate the first (and what may very well be the last) meeting of my restaurant club for Sunday night, knowing that Sakiko, Chisato, and the Conte MC would most likely be available. With a girls only friend date on the horizon, I then would assert my independence using the rest of Saturday as a day to bide my (alone) time by attempting to stretch my new fun-loving, free-spirited muscles.

I would have a “Treat Yourself” evening. 

I’d see a movie, go to a park, or maybe even try my hand at creative writing or read a book...anything that made me feel good. In this bizarro version of Tokyo there were plenty of things to see and do, and while most of the settings had been used as date backdrops, I was going to check them out myself.

With my Saturday now planned, I shifted my focus to what needed to be done on the following day.

On Sunday, I’d spend the morning and afternoon shopping with the money from Revance. Next, I’d need to book three different fancy hotels for my overnight dates - Tuesday/Wednesday, Wednesday/Thursday, and Thursday/Friday. 

I knew the schedule was aggressive, and that there was a nonzero chance I would be able to get all three men to agree, but I’d promised the king a show and I was determined to give him one.

It made the most sense to try and schedule Jin on Tuesday/Wednesday, seeing as how we’d just had a great date together and it would be easy enough to tell him that I couldn’t get him out of my head and wanted to see him again. He’d offered to take me out even if I was leaving Tokyo, so morally and ethically I didn’t feel bad on taking him up on that.

I figured having an overnight date with Shun during the Wednesday/Thursday time slot would be too aggressive (seeing as how I’d accepted his job offer and he was now my new boss), and planned to go out with him last, using our time at work together in order to line that up in the most natural way possible.

This meant that Zyglavis got my time Wednesday/Thursday, and I felt myself smiling with anticipation as I pictured what a date with him would look like. 

Unlike the other two men on my roster, Zyglavis was the most reserved. It was apparent that both Shun and Namba would have no qualms spending the night with me, but Zyglavis...he was a different story.

On that note, sexual chemistry in a relationship is something that has always been important to me, and while I knew that most of these nights would be awkward and chock full of navigating each other’s likes and dislikes, I hoped to walk away with a real understanding of how each man was in bed.

Was he communicative? Giving? Selfish? Tender? Rough?

I wanted to know before I could make my final choice, and I worried that convincing Zyglavis to break the rule of the heavens and lay with a Goldfish (despite the king’s blessing), might be an impossible task.

I sighed, alone in the empty room as I finished the last bite of my gateau slice, picturing Zyglavis somewhere in the heavens completely in the dark as to the fact the King had paid me a personal visit. 

It was obvious to me that he was the frontrunner in my heart, but that did not necessarily mean that he would be the best choice for my life back home. 

With such a short amount of time left, I’d need to really separate the fantasy of each man from the reality of what life with them would look like back in New York. Strong feelings and passion only go so far, and the most successful relationships are often between two people who share a deep mutual respect and friendship that results in an ability for them to grow as individuals, together.

On paper, Shun seemed to be the best fit for me. 

We worked in similar fields and I knew that he’d be able to easily find employment in New York. He was a cosmopolitan man who enjoyed the finer things in life, so living in New York City would suit him quite nicely. I could see him being a great plus one with my inner circle, charming them with his looks and manners, while also being able to hold his own in our conversations.

With this said, I needed to know if he was capable of being more than a charming, pretty face.

I worried he might be too much of a playboy for my tastes. I had little to no time to convince him to remove his mask for me, but I knew that before I could commit to him I would need to see who he was underneath his slick, creative director facade. 

I knew that I wanted someone who was kind and caring, and who, when things would get tough as they inevitably did in life, wouldn’t cut and run to something that seemed “easier”. 

Whereas Shun struck me as someone who preferred ease in his relationships, I knew that Namba could handle a rocky road from time to time. In the short amount of time we’d spent together, I was certain that he possessed the ability to be there for me in the way I wanted someone to be. 

The problem with him was his lifestyle. 

He’d told me himself that he’d been in the force for half of his life. He’d worked impossibly hard to move his way up to the high ranking position he was currently in and I couldn’t see him giving all that up in an attempt to join the NYPD or something similar back home.

I knew how close he was with his team and I worried that taking him home with me would force him into a world in which he was isolated and miserable. A scene of living with him in my studio apartment flashed through my mind, except this time he was depressed, smoking out a crack in the window while complaining about how gross and deplorable the city I lived in was.

Crime in New York City was so drastically different than crime in bizarro Toyko. Would he be able to handle terrorism? Murder? Sexual Assault? 

Or would the cruel world I came from destroy his optimism for life, and slowly beat him down day after day.

Finally, there was Zyglavis who would be trading in his unlimited cosmic powers for an itty bitty living space (literally speaking seeing as how I live in a small New York City studio apartment). 

He was the biggest wildcard of the group, and I had to think it was unlikely that should he be the one to join me he’d be able to keep his powers or immortality. With that in mind, could I even ask him to step foot through the door knowing that committing to me meant he’d be stripped of everything he found familiar. 

Furthermore, if he were to agree to do so, then what?

Zyglavis hadn’t worked a day in his life in the human realm. Would he be able to happily acclimate to his new life as a Goldfsih? Or would he lose patience with things and grow to resent me for dragging him along with me?

These questions weren’t going to get answered tonight, and with my eyelids growing heavy I decided to pick my planning back up tomorrow. 

I closed my laptop, hiding all traces of my upcoming plan should Zyglavis return prematurely and got under the covers, snuggling up to the pillow he’d laid on the day we’d almost kissed. It still smelled faintly of his hair and the lavender smell from the baths, and I hugged it tightly, quietly wishing that I'd see him sooner than I expected.

With the room pitch black, I found myself drifting off into a peaceful slumber.

That night, I had two dreams that felt more like a vision, and less like a mishmash of my subconscious trying to process the day. 

Both scenes took place in the King’s throne room, and I watched as the same conversation played out in two different ways. 

In the dream, Zyglavis was in his true form, which I had yet to see in real life. He was more beautiful than I could even attempt to describe, and in both scenarios I stood off to the side, as if I were an invisible bystander.

In the first scenario, the King had been the first to speak.

“Zyglavis, I have paid your Goldfish a visit.”

Zyglavis blushed fiercely, breaking eye contact with the King and said, “It would be inaccurate to describe Ami as ‘my’ Goldfish, but with that aside, why have you done so if I may inquire?”

“She and I have come to an understanding. She will be allowed to take a man from this world home with her, should he give his consent, and you are in the running.”

“Me?”

The king chuckled, seeing through Zyglavis’ feigned surprise.

“Yes. She even went so far as to demand my blessing...which I gave her. You should feel free to have your way with her.”

Zyglavis blushed furiously, unable to mutter anything other than, “Yes, your highness” as he stared down at his feet.

“But hear this - should you chose to go with her you will no longer be a Minister of Punishments. Scorpio will succeed you, and though you will be able to return to this realm once the mortal dies, you will be unable to return to the high position you currently hold. Gods will no doubt talk, and it could be entirely possible that upon your return you will be considered the disgraced God of Libra by your peers.”

“I see.”

“However, note this. True love is something that alludes both men and Gods in their lifetime. Many will go through this life never knowing what it is to experience something so priceless. If this is in fact love, you would be foolish to turn your back on it. Consider these words.”

“Yes your highness.”

With that, the king smirked and dismissed Zyglavis. He started to leave and then paused. Sensing his unease the king addressed him once more.

“What is it?”

“These...other men. Who are they?”

The king chuckled, clearly tickled to see his stoic minister showing signs of petty jealousy.

“Zyglavis. Fear not. You are a God. And a man is no match for a God.”

Zyglavis gave the king a small nod, and with that he exited. 

The king turned towards me, and breaking the fourth wall smiled, as he snapped his fingers.

A bright light flashed before my eyes and I saw the two together once more. In this second scene, Zyglavis was the first to speak.

“Your highness, you wanted to speak with me?”

“Yes, Zyglavis. As you know, I have paid the Goldfish a visit.”

“How did it go?”

“Swimmingly,” the king said, laughing at his own bad joke, “I have given you both my blessing. You should not feel as if you have to hold anything back.”

Zyglavis smirked, “I don’t think that will be necessary. Taking advantage of a woman’s affection is not my style.”

To that, an angry look flashed through the king’s face.

“Zyglavis - you will put aside how you normally proceed to ensure that she picks you. I cannot have her taking anyone from this world home to hers.”

Zygavis’ expression became stoic and obedient, “Yes, your highness.”

“My trusted Minister. I knew I could count on you.”

“You honor me your majesty.”

The king smiled, and then as if something unpleasant crossed his mind he became serious and asked, “Tell me, do you feel badly at all for the Goldfish?”

“A little, but it is for the greater good - the logical way to proceed. I look forward to the time when I can return to serving you and the Department of Punishments once more.”

“Very good. You are dismissed.”

With his head held high, Zyglavis coolly turned and exited the room. Just as he had in the first scenario, the king broke the fourth wall and with a harsh look, addressed me directly.

“One is true, one is false. Which one? That I cannot say…Choose wisely Naomi.”

He snapped his fingers, and I jolted awake, covered in sweat and breathing heavily.

Daylight streamed in through the windows, and I checked the time to see it was 10 in the morning. 

I put a hand over my racing heart, reminding myself that it had just been a dream. However, as quickly as that thought crossed my mind, I turned to see something on the nightstand that hadn’t been there before.

Almost as if he wanted to hammer the point home, I picked up the card which had my name, my real name, on the envelope. 

It read:

Not a dream Naomi - One true. One false. Choose wisely or go home alone.

I sighed aloud, realizing how difficult my last week was going to be. Now that the king of the heavens was involved, I had opened myself up to unforeseen challenges, no doubt in the interest of making things more interesting for him.

I had been the one who was foolish enough to suggest a “Bachelorette” style competition in order to secure who would accompany me home, and like any good reality producer the king had merely stirred the pot.

To be continued…in Part 38

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