#im also avoiding caffeine if i can but its like

[storm-of-feathers]

im tired as fuck I haven't slept right (like even for me) in weeks and it's having a toll

[aro-ortega]

oh gd damn it

[ryanwritesfanfiction]

Random Chase Davenport Headcanons

a/n i havent seen the series in the a rlly long time also idk if there is any demand for this or lab rats in general but im gonna write anyway :P

ps: i might write more of these idk yet

hes really scared of heights

collects and restores vintage tech/ videogames

leaves rlly long reviews in letterboxd (no one reads them)

bc of his super intelligence he's really good at predicting the stock market (has a very diverse porfolio)

secretly likes sitcoms (eg tbbt and community) but tells everyone tv is frivolous

he like to watch telenovelas

he reads fanfiction and eventually writes some bc he thinks he can do it better (he does)

he likes to keep true to his training schedule and stuff but really likes traveling and learning about other cultures from experiencing it first hand and speaks the language of wtv country hes in

avoids caffeine bc he had a redbull once and was up for hours (it prolly messed w his bionics like in ep 1 with the bell)

he didnt like the iron man trilogy bc it reminded him too much of Mr. Davenport

he took the bar exam just bc he could but he doesnt really use it, more just for bragging rights

he is sooo nosy and gossipy hes basically a teenage girl

doesnt really drink anything other than water and like diet coke on special occasions

has go bags hidden ~everywhere~

dyed his hair black once (eveyone made fun of him so he never changed his hair again)

tries to use modern slang and references but is rlly bad at them

bree made him watch all the pitch perfect movies w her and he pretended to not like them but he loved them

he doesn't like driving but he especially doesn't like driving with other people in the car

he wear sunscreen every day bc he's scared of skin cancer

he sends texts in grammatically correct sentences

he doesn't like to drink but when he does its like rlly fruity drinks

he tried to pick up skateboarding once but fell and hurt his knee and didn't do it ever again

[uriekukistan]

Got one for you: top 5 writing pet peeves?

THANK U FOR THE ASK I MEANT TO ANSWER THIS LIKE TWO DAYS AGO BUT I FELL ASLEEP SORRY FOR TAKING SO LONG

okay top5 for myself

the word “shrugged”: i swear my characters shrug more in one chapter than i have in my entire life, but i cant seem to get away from the word…although when i put my work into this thing that counts word recurrence, it never makes the top 10, i still feel like i overuse it sm

proofreading: i hate hate hate proofreading….like reading my own writing is just frustrating to me, especially bc i actually write way in advance of when i actually publish it, so things i may have thought were good a month and a half ago i usually end up hating by the time i actually publish them…idk i think a lot of creators are their worst critics, im sure there’s not as much actually wrong w my stuff as i think

mixing action with dialogue: i dont even mind this much when im reading, but seeing a huge section of just dialogue in my own writing has me foaming at the mouth…and i have a hard time visualizing things so it takes me so long to add realistic actions in between certain lines, otherwise i feel like the scene flows weird if i dont do this…

figurative or overly descriptive language: no one has ever said anything bad abt this so i’m not sure why it but i always worry that parts of my writing will come off pretentious? like i’ll write it and be like “wow i cooked” and then i’ll read it back and be like “who tf do u think u are to be writing like that”

writing environment: i swear i need everything just so to be able to write efficiently, its so annoying. perfect caffeination level (not enough = no brain, too much = can’t focus), perfect playlist, comfy clothes and comfy seating position, not hungry but not full etc etc. i can still write without these things but it ends up being slow af. so annoying

top5 for reading others’ writing (ghhhh hope this doesnt come out mean)

poorly formatted dialogue: genuinely if i see dialogue lumped in with paragraphs of text I CLICK OUT im not reading that i’m sorry. it’s a visual thing like it’s overwhelming to read and makes the story flow weirdly, like pleasseeedseese put your dialogue on a new line

UNDERuse of the word “said”: ik this is contrary to most writing advice, but it bothers me fr when ppl go out of their way to avoid words like “said” “asked” “replied”…like sometimes they’re genuinely the best words for the situation, or the synonym that gets used is just not appropriate. when you get into more specific words like that it’s gotta fit well. i’m a big advocate for using modifiers rather than synonyms, like “whispered” “said softly” “said, a hint of softness creeping into their voice” are all different. anyway i hate when im reading and someone uses a synonym for “said” that doesn’t fit the situation

over reliance on physical description for characters: again like the synonyms- time and place. maybe it’s just me, it just feels kinda depersonalizing if youre constantly using physical descriptions when they aren’t relevant, especially in romance. ex: in dancing with a stranger, megumi notices yuuji’s muscles bc he purposely flexes, or the way his eyes catch the sun as part of the “view” on a sunny day, but the rest of they time, he’s thinking of yuuji as kind, warm, talented, etc. it just makes characters feel shallow, and especially in romance, makes the relationship feel shallow. if all megumi noticed about yuuji were his big muscles and loserboy puppy eyes, it kinda cuts the meaning and intimacy from the relationship. also noah fence but it also comes off as kinda lazy characterization

im a liar i cant come up 5 for this i already feel mean for saying what i said 💀 thank u again for the ask !!!! sorry for rambling so much skdjdk

[itzmushusworld]

Sleep Paralysis

Sleep is something almost everyone looks forward to, but there is sometimes that one thing that makes you scared of sleep. Having the fear of not being able to move, sometimes not be able to speak, seeing a figure just staring at you from a distance or right above you, having trouble breathing,not knowing if it’s a nightmare of not.That sounds terrifying right, well many people experience it once in their life, every odd day and then there is times where is it a routine for people. The terrifying thing this is known as is…. sleep paralysis.

What is sleep paralysis?

Sleep paralysis happens when you're falling asleep or waking up. Your brain sort of wakes up, but your body is still in dream mode, so you're temporarily paralyzed. It's like your muscles are taking a bit longer to catch up to your awake brain. Some people see or hear things that aren't there during this time, which can be part of the experience. It's a common phenomenon and usually isn't something to worry about. If it happens often, it is advised to seek a doctor.

What causes sleep paralysis?

Sleep paralysis is caused by a disruption in the sleep cycle. When you sleep, you go through stages, including REM (rapid eye movement) sleep, where dreaming happens. Your body naturally paralyzes itself to prevent you from acting out your dreams. Sometimes, you might wake up before the REM cycle finishes, and that's when you can't move or speak. Stress, lack of sleep, and sleeping on your back can make it more likely to happen.

Can sleep paralysis be scary?

Yea, sleep paralysis can be pretty scary for some people. You're awake but can't move, and you might see or hear things that aren't really there. It's like a scene from a spooky movie but in real life.

What are common hallucinations during sleep paralysis?

Common hallucinations during sleep paralysis include feeling pressure on your chest, seeing a figure in the room, or hearing strange noises. Some folks even feel like they're floating or being pulled out of bed.

Is there a way to prevent it?

yes, there are apparently a few things you can try to prevent sleep paralysis:

1. Keep a Regular Sleep Schedule: Going to bed and waking up at the same time every day helps regulate your sleep cycle.

2. Create a Restful Environment:Make sure your bedroom is comfortable, dark, and quiet.

3. Avoid Stimulants: Steering clear of caffeine and electronics before bed can also help.

4. Sleep Position:Try sleeping on your side rather than your back.

5. Manage Stress: Relaxation techniques like deep breathing or meditation before bed can be beneficial.

If it keeps happening or it's stressing you out, a chat with a healthcare provider might be a good idea. They can offer more personalized advice.

Beliefs surrounding sleep paralysis

Across cultures, there are various tales to explain it. For example, some cultures have beliefs about a 'night hag' or a demonic figure that sits on your chest. Others think it's the work of spirits or supernatural beings. And in modern times, some even link it to alien abductions. But at its core, these myths are trying to make sense of a really bizarre and often frightening experience.

Reddit sleep paralysis story

Title: Mattress Demon

My First Time I Experienced Sleep paralysis was when I slept with the lights on because I forgot to turn them off before I fell asleep. Im sleeping comfortably until all of a sudden I feel a big force grabbing my back. My eyes open and I can't move any part of my body parts, except my eyes and my head. I turned my left and see Giant black crystal like demon hand pulling me down into my own mattress. I tried to scream for help, but I couldn't talk. I could only talk in my mind. And im thinking to myself "wtf is there a hand pulling me into my mattress? this isn't making any sense! " Someone help me! Im panicking and im sinking deeper and deeper into my matress to the point, where im losing the view of my bedroom and I could barely breathe. So I decided to stop panicking and slowly I wake up and I can move and talk again.

Owner of story: u/Pyxy-777

My own personal experience

I’ve only ever had sleep paralysis happen to me once but in my family is it common, only we know it as “being hagged.” In my family it is known that if you get hagged and see the spirit or demon you just have to say your name backwards and you will be awoken or set free. One night i was in and out of sleep constantly because i just had a nightmare a half hour before and was trying to go back to sleep. When i was finally asleep i was awoken (or so i thought) and i tried to move but couldn’t i looked over by my desk and saw a man standing there with half his body beneath my desk and half his body above. His features weren’t noticeable and he was just a shadow , just lingering. I tried to move but i couldn’t when i asked what was happening he said “you know too much.” i tired to move and break out of it not knowing at the time what it was but when i looked in the corner of my eye to see i was being held down by my arms, by what i thought was my boyfriend. It was him but then again it wasn’t his eyes were white and bleeding red and his mouth was sewed shut. I realized i was being hagged and tried to scream my name backwards like i was taught growing up. The man laughed and said “you really think that’s gonna work” then i remembered my lightbulb was connected to my Alexa and i screamed “ALEXA TURN ON THE LIGHT.” After i screamed that i sat up panting and sweating but the odd thing was i heard my Alexa say “okay” after my light had turned on. So still to this day I don’t know if it was actually sleep paralysis or something my family had been trying to warn each other about for years.

There are many beliefs and explanations surrounding sleep paralysis. Many people have their own scientific explanation but others think it could be spiritual due to their experience or beliefs.

Let me know if you lean more towards the scientific side or spiritual side. If you have any stories of your own comment them down below.

I love deep diving into mysteries, beliefs on spiritual things, creepy topics, history and so much more. If there’s a topic you would like me to explore, i’m open to do so.

Take care of yourself and stay open minded.

-Someone who thinks 24/7

[irishbabyx]

Parts of me last year

unk date --- green lake starbucks

so many faces and bodies that contain unique energies. i still feel that imposter syndrome. who do i think i am? i think i am a good person somehow. i am not hurting anyone or wishing bad luck either. i simply sustain myself.. but on digital media, i presume more life than i actually do. what is success? is it being financial secure? why don’t i have relationships? its like i can’t call or text anyone to hang out with or just be around. is it the energy i give out that people don’t think of or miss me? am i difficult to be around? some days i just want to sit down and not have to talk….. this is why im single lol my expectation is way too high. i expect someone to be perfect when im not and that causes insecurity then i retract. it a vicious cycle i take part in and don’t know how to stop.

i hate being home. ive wasted a couple of years of my life doing nothing. i haven’t really enjoyed myself in washington. i feel like im just violently existing - waiting for someone to notice me and be with me as i heal…

wow - just caught someone’s eyes and that was cute. he was cute - though i am not sure what he is doing here. what’s wrong with me? or what’s right with me? i just want someone to notice me. this guy next to me is .. whatever.

idk if its the caffeine but im having a lot of anxiety. maybe because of daniel. he’s ignoring me. meaning he’s not interested in me anymore. what should i do? just keep cool?

tuesday, march 21st, 2023

at GL starbucks

got back from vegas this morning. spent almost 2 weeks there visiting family, my parents came up as well. helped my sister semi-settle in her new home. so proud of her for coming this far in her life and career. it felt intimidating but i had to pause and tell myself that she also had her own pathway full of treks and obstacles to get her to where she is now. got to know jordan a little bit more, though it was always awkward interactions. he is a family man. he will do everything he can to protect them despite two of the kids not being biologically his. i hope he didn’t feel too overwhelmed us all there - we are all pretty crazy. i also wanted to feel how it would be like living there, so far the only downside is lower income. though now that i think about it, will it matter if i stress about money no matter where i am? the kids are truly little humans now. time is a thief. when it was with kayla, everything was amplified but with more children, everyone’s got a little more chill. not so worried about what goes in the baby’s mouth or if their eating/sleeping schedule is off. we were all just living in the moment. what i did notice, which i want to avoid happening (if that’s even all that possible) is to deter kayla from swallowing derogatory words from my parents and taking it to heart. i know what those exact words did to me as a child and i want her to avoid taking the same steps we have. providing a nurturing, loving, protective home allows them to see the world in a lighter and brighter lens. that no matter the cruel things we see and hear around us, that family should remain golden. i took my family for granted. i made them disposable even though they are the most permanent things from the day i had my first breath.. i wish i had listened to my parents more and read between the lines instead. they showed tough love, but love regardless. had i known they were just new parents experiencing trials and tribulations in a new generation and didn’t also know a damn thing about mental health. their behaviors are hard to unlearn but it feels my duty to protect the next generations from their blinds eyes toward positive child rearing, rather not known. being their aunty mom makes me feel more confident in becoming a mom truly. i aspire to be like my sister who possesses patience day by day. she always kept grounded.

the downside of the trip was the the deep, slow hum of loneliness. i want to experience life with someone. highs and lows. someone to feel and express with. someone i gravitate towards to and look forward to any time of day. i miss that. i miss a partner. that deep ache and longing was present. i met nathaniel, 39 y/o air force pilot. i still can’t wrap my mind around our interactions. i was late 30 mins and made a fuss about it. he noticed everything i said and also had an answer to everything. i didn’t think he’d invite me back to his apartment. that was also strange. idk what he thinks of our age difference - i don’t think he does but he wants someone who is more mature than i. the thing about me is that i don’t know how to express my thoughts into words, let alone formulate a sentence that actually has context. it doesn’t make sense to me. i have lost touch with meaningful conversations. anyway, he’s hot and buff and god damn i choked. i haven’t been able to stop feeling giddy, though i know this is only temporary. he is emotionally unavailable and knows it himself.

boundaries and traumas emanating

monday, march 27th, 2023

at GL retreat

so much has happened since i got back from seattle. so much? actually maybe not but something significant happened. lol that guy i mentioned above turned out to be super psycho and downright TOO sensitive and disrespectful. the messages he sent me were very questionable regarding his integrity and character, for someone serving in the military? now that i think about it, that’s almost abuse, no? i don’t know but glad it only lasted that short. i can’t imagine what other shit he would have came up with or deduce. anywho, i hate that i spiral so quickly when i know what’s about to happen. like financially, how am i gonna come up with rent for next month? and also calling out of work because i got too drunk again last night. these decisions are affecting my livelihood and it’s embarrassing to think and write about. tho this is my reality, i never learned through these difficult times in my life. i continue letting it happen as if it one day, everything will miraculously solve themselves. i am proud of how far i’ve come though, especially without a college degree. i was able to make it out in seattle this long and though.

i want better relationships with my family, individually and as a whole. they continue to support me despite showing angst and being disappointing. i never stopped caring about them and vice versa. i’ve just been hiding my vices from them and that’s what ultimately broke our relationship apart. i was always the issue, not them. i am learning as i go and going on that trip to meet them solidified that family is what i need right now. there was this narrative in my childhood and early adulthood that i was a burden to them and that i was some sort of a leech. i have to forgive myself for that because while it is/was true, i didn’t know i was doing it maliciously. well maybe in their perspective it was.

love life? lol why do i keep talking about this. broken record laced with desperation.

you know, mollie says this over and over that there is a chemical imbalance and it’s not me… why is it so hard to admit that myself? that there will always be that throughout my life. most people dip down multiple times in their lives. i can validate my thoughts and emotions, but i can’t always feel sorry/bad about myself and stay in that dip. cheers, irish. take care of yourself because others need you to.

saturday, april 1st, 2023

at GL starbucks

the early months flew by. i feel like this is the case as i get older. it all just.. happens. the earth will remain even without us. we are but a flicker of light. this week was okay. i fell ill after restarting naltrexone. at least i know now that that’s what the medication does to me. i never knew if meds worked for me or not because i always just feel numb.. now i question if the fluoxetine is also working. the only thing i feel like i need to work on is self-esteem. i have a few people in my circle because that side of me is so vulnerable. you can easily use it to tear me down.

something about having a routine though. it feels safe. but when you do the same thing over and over, people think you’re crazy? for example, going to starbucks ordering the same thing and sitting in the same spot..

anyway. idk what came over me last night but david came over. i hurriedly cleaned my room and vacuumed. lolol the shit i do for men that i wouldn’t even do for myself. i was already so drunk but man was i desperate for it. wow idk how long its been but he aged. LOL grew a mustache but overall looks and smells the same. still bad in bed. won’t stay erect and takes FOREVER to cum. i’m convinced he needs medication. he did remember a few things about me tho? my bed? he was wearing converse how cute. he does care about what he wears. i might buy those converses now. i need to forget about him. he obviously doesn’t care about me and just thinks im a quick booty call. maybe i am a sucker for him tho. i may have hurt his ego too much. from his clothes, to his name, how his converse were yellow, how he lasted, it was all sarcasm but maybe that is my toxic red flag. men have much more sensitive ego that we think.

tuesday, april 18th, 2023

at GL retreat

what’s going on with me again? honestly.. i have these waves of motivation. one week i’m at the very tip top. the next, i’m just existing. i need to stop sending messages to people when i’m drunk like LINDA OR DAVID?? OR NELSON?? JESUS irish. you need to stop. that shit is embarrassing and you are jeopardizing your relationships with people and it makes you look bad and pathetic. i really don’t know how to control myself. alcohol is putting me at risk.

monday, may 8th, 2023

at LV house

i feel like i’m drowning above water. just in debt. i don’t know how to manage my money. i don’t know how to ask for help. i don’t know who to ask for help for. what can i do? a financial advisor, but will i get through this feeling of shame? my parents can’t know.. let my alone my siblings. i feel like a failure. it is because i am. they are all successful and here i am struggling. it was nice being around the family, even just for a day. i feel safe with them.

wednesday, june 7th, 2023

at home (green lake terrace)

what am i feeling? this is a weird sensation. when i want to just talk to someone. or jolt my thoughts down. i’ve gotten too used to being alone that loneliness doesn’t bother me anymore. i feel like i am living in an elderly woman’s body and growing accustomed to independence. however you see that lol. i still feel the need to connect to the outside world and i guess that’s the younger version of me comes in. though i could live alone or isolated, i would still need to know what is going on around me. is this the age i was brought up to? maybe i couldn’t escape that reality.

thursday, june 15th, 2023

at home (green lake terrace)

qi xuan?? huang? hahaha why do i feel so giddy? is this a new thing? i like that he’s not afraid to be himself. he has a fire in him that i want to ignite in myself.

thursday, june 22nd, 2023

at home (green lake terrace)

drunk. me and qi had sex like twice already. sooooo good. its not even the size but the intimacy. feels so comforting. i feel comfortable with him.. just someone i don’t feel like i need to compete with or feel like i need to impress. he’s humble. he’s himself.

sunday, july 16th, 2023

at armistice coffee in roosevelt

woof.

[tears-of-boredom]

i feel like a lot of people just do not understand cats. nor know what they sound like. i will see a video of a cat meowing completely normally and the comments will be full of "omg wtf noises are those?!!🤣". Or alternatively its a video of a cat clearly being really scared or alarmed, and all the comments are laughing at how silly it is being. reminds me of my mom who just calls our cats stupid for doing normal cat stuff. they'll be playing in the cat tree and she'll be like "omg look at that stupid ass cat"(less harsly but you know). and also she keeps calling Hessu stupid, or implying that he isnt in control of his own behaviour. which is like, I guess its true, but also like, his behaviour makes complete sense. he climbs you to rub on your face and bites you, because that is how he shows affection. he kneads your skin because he clearly isnt aware that we humans are really sensitive to that. he gets really focused on chasing bugs when he sees them, because that is what cats do. quite literally all our cats chase bugs, even if they are on the other side of the window. he jumped into the toilet full of cleaning agent that one time probably because he had jumped on it once when the lid was closed, which would already confirm it in his mind as a safe platform. and he learned to not do that again! now he checks if its safe to jump on the toilet lid! he drunk cooled coffee that one time because it was full of milk and cool and didnt know what it was! and he learned to not drink from human cups from then on, after calming down from the caffeine high that small sip gave him. like pretty often my mom judt sys that Hessu learns nothing, and its so annoying cuz its just factually wrong. he knows where the cat food is kept and knows to meow at my door if he wants it. he also learned to avoid candles! he has learned so many things a cat living in the wild wouldnt need to!

so yeah. like im not saying that its harmful to laugh at cats falling or something, but it just really annoys me when cat owners dont seem to understand their own cats.

like, two of our cats have been with us for long enough that they've learned what boundaries can be pushed, so yes, I will get mad at Seppo for trying to eat my food, because he knows he isnt allowed to do that. he doesn't even like it that much! but i wont get mad if the more recent additions try to do that. I mean I dont think they're that interested in what the humans eat, because neither of them have tried to steal my food yet. but that also means that there hasnt been an opportunity to teach them to not do that. so if they one day stick their snout a bit too close to my food, im not going to get mad, or even annoyed. because why should a cat know that they arent supposed to inspect something that could be nutrition!

[feisty-yordle]

I have a troubled relationship with caffeine. I really want to like her, and i do not know why. Maybe because people praise her so much. But it has been nothing but ups and downs with us.

And at the heart of many troubled relationships is misunderstanding. Recently, i think i have solved a misunderstanding.

But to explain, i will go into the weeds for a bit. It should all make sense in the end.

[Biology of Exercise and Blood] There is not enough blood in a human's body to perfuse well all tissues. The body handles that by constricting and relaxing vessels in different parts of the body. When a human exercises, blood moves away from the gut and other places into the periphery, especially voluntary muscles, and the heart, among others. This is why humans may find that your hunger disappears when you exercise, and remains absent for some time after. This is also why many runners get nauseous if they have food in their stomachs and may even vomit.

[My Health is not Great] I want there to be lots of blood in my muscles and general periphery. I do not have great circulation most of the time. But i also have very little energy on most days. We do not know why yet.

[Caffeine is a Remedy?] Caffeine can give you energy. Usually does, at least in the short term. But in the long term, people have mixed results. My side-effects can be so severe i get profound mental, emotional disturbances that are very scary to deal with. As well as even worse fatigue than before. But i do get warmer, more focused, and sometimes happier, and more satisfied with my life. It can also, when used well, help me with my circadian rhythm, something i struggle with a lot.

[Caffeine and Exercise: Siblings?] The results i get with caffeine feel a lot like exercise. Its like caffeine puts me into a state of exercise even if im not doing any exercise. I even get the same kind of gastrointestinal discomfort i get when i run hard for long. In a study i recently read, researchers found that caffeine induced central vasoconstriction but did not affect peripheral blood vessels. Which is similar to what exercise does. But with exercise, you can take a break whenever. Caffeine makes you wait hours.

Sounds like if i want the affect of caffeine, i should exercise instead. I am trying to be more regular in my activity. And it has helped with my energy levels and life satisfaction. But getting the butt off the bed, or the Christen into the study mode, is hard if Christen has not already been exposed to caffeine or recently completed exercise.

[Hidden Sibling: Food] Additionally, food is a participant in this dance. When i eat, blood goes to my gut, and i get sleepy. I also get hungry when i am sleepy and feel safe, which may be a natural response for some persons, some more than others. Particularly night eaters. Most humans want to not eat when they are sleepy. But some have the opposite response. I have heard "chronotype" used to describe when people enjoy being awake and asleep. Eating is a part of the circadian rhythm and involved in the same processes that are involved in wake-sleep. Why cannot "chronotype" also then describe when you like to eat?

[The Tug of War] I see a clash here between caffeine and food and maybe also exercise/activity and eating/rest. And maybe, we can work this out. So here is my idea.

[The Idea] If i do not want to be sluggish during a time of the day, i should avoid eating anything substantial. Limit myself to drinks (with energy or without) and light, easy to digest snacks, like bananas. Try doing my morning jogwalk/chores on an empty stomach and making my first meal in the afternoon before my shit. Wake up, go about the rest of my day until my daywork is done. Come home and have a nice dinner and snack whenever i get peckish until it is time for bed.

[Maybe it will not work out with Caffeine and I] Now that i write that all out, i do not see any mention of caffeine. Maybe caffeine has been a cope for me. Forcing me to be in a state of activity, when my body wants to be resting and digesting. Something you may also not know about me: i eat a lot, and i am hungry a lot. Maybe it should not have been so weird to me that i struggle both with hunger and grogginess. But for the same reasons it is hard to tell myself "just eat less", my new plan will be hard because i will become too hungry to go about my shit. But if i am active enough, should that not suppress my appetite until it is a good time to eat and rest? I guess that is where caffeine would come in. In the morning, and after my nap. Pretty standard! Just gotta be more regimented and careful not to consume too much of it. If that is too hard, then i can try becoming a smoker instead.

[Some Closing Props to Cardio] I should add that this has all been made possible at all by me getting back into regular exercise, particularly cardio. Altho exercise makes me tired, i am not more tired overall, and i feel like i have a larger capacity for work, and that it is easier to move my body. I also feel better about my health, and health in one part helps health in the others. And sometimes, when i feel like the best course of action is to lay on the sofa, it may be, but if i exercise first, i sometimes find that i have energy i did not know of.

[Summary] So this is my issue and my new plan. Accepting being a "night eater" and a scantier day eater. Getting up earlier so i have time to eat and nap during midday when it is like planet Venus outside. Allow myself to have caffeine, but be wary of amount, and keep it to mornings and post-siesta so i do not get those awful stomach aches.

[songoku61]

Here goes nothing - But I doubt it mean much

1 - It was the night before my Heart appoint for my VSD and my mom and shister were hugging me saying it sounded like a washing machine - I was 6 I think.

2 - manly lub dub - but also occasionally Doki Loki with my partner.

3 - I think for me my its either - Mitral or Aortic.

4 - To have my Heart examined and listed to all day / to work at children's hospital ( actively working towards )

5 - I think to have my Heart examined with no limits / or for NSFW reasons.

6 - I like both but with confidence I can say that I like being listed too.

7 - Many. My heart rate runs high so that can lead to awkward comments for sure - especially at my heart appointment.

8 - Not that Im aware of - I think it comes off more as passion.

9 - I recently volunteer as a model for College echo program that im applying for as it was great to help the students and be scanned 4 times in 2 hours.

10 - When me and GF played doctor and she got the doppler out my HR was high and she told me to relax but could tell I was excited.

11 - I avoid caffeine mostly.

12 - I don't and im not sure I want to.

13 - I own a Stethoscope , 3 lead EKG and Doppler with Gel - My GF has a BP cuff and pulse oximeter along with her own stethoscope

14 - Don't really mind if it's fast or slow.

15 - Well I wish my heart rate was slower at times but it's ok.

16 - not anymore but I have tricks from when I did yoga to help slow my heart down after exercise.

17 - Just me and GF playing doctor with each other

18 - A few Friends have listened but that's because of my VSD.

19 - Yes!! and YES!! but also my doctors think I just run fast as im on BP med but my HR is still in the 90s most of the time.

20 - No but now the thought is in my mind.

21 - No if anything they are glad that I have an idea of what is up with mine and aware of it.

22 - Yes but only GF truly knows the extent of it all

23 - I don't really have one.

24 - No I'm always good at hiding it.

25 - no. - my GF calls it my ticker when we RP

26 - OH far to many - I have a VSD that lucky has never needed surgery but I still get care at Children's hospital as an adult and I have had plenty of EKG and Echos - I also volunteer as model as of late so Im very used to the Echos.

27 -well its what my GF says - Lets have a listen to that heart of your or says its nice and strong - in a professional setting I don't think so. I sometimes get nervous if its someone new listening but I also like sharing it

28 - no it has never bothered me. Im able to out my like for it aside when talking with people.

29 - im always a fan of the caroted and apical spots - I like the apical on other as its just s powerful spot.

30 - My HB has always been visible so yes but I don't think much of it.

well I hope this gives an insight - if anyone has further questions feel free to ask me or DM me.

Cardiophiles, reblog with your answers so your followers can get to know you! ♡

There are 30 questions, more below the cut!

1. What is your earliest heart related memory that made you feel funny/fuzzy/flustered?

2. When intimating the sound of a heartbeat, how do you do it? Are you a lub-dub, thump-thump, etc person? Or something else?

3. What’s your favourite auscultation point?

4. What’s your ultimate SFW cardiophilia related fantasy?

5. And what about your ultimate NSFW one? (Feel free to skip this!)

6. Do you prefer to listen to be listened to?

7. Have you ever had an awkward moment at a doctor’s appointment?

8. How about any “oh shit, have they clocked that I’m into this?” moment with strangers, acquaintances, friends or family?

9. What’s your most recent heart related experience that gives you the warm fuzzies (in a wholesome, SFW way?)

10. What about in a NSFW way? (Again, feel free to skip this!)

11. Do you love or loathe the effect that caffeine has on your heart (if you drink it)?

12. Do you own a watch that tracks your heart rate?

13. How about any other equipment (e.g. a steth, blood pressure machine, stemoscope, pulse oximeter, etc)?

14. Do you prefer listening to a fast or slow heart rate?

15. Do you prefer having a slow or fast heart rate?

16. Have you ever done anything to purposely make your heart rate speed up or slow down? If so, what?

17. Have you ever stethed someone or taken their pulse outside of a medical scenario?

18. Has anyone done the above to you outside of a medical scenario?

19. Do you tend to hear “are you nervous?” or similar things from doctors because your heart is always beating so fast when they steth you? Do you have white coat syndrome?

20. Have you ever complimented a medical professional on their steth?

21. Has a medical professional ever expressed curiosity about your knowledge of hearts after you've mentioned something that a typical patient wouldn't know?

22. Have you ever told anyone in real life about your interest in hearts?

23. What’s your favourite heart related lyric in a song, or favourite song that gives off cardiophile vibes?

24. Has anyone ever caught you listening to heart audios, stething yourself, etc? If so, how did you explain yourself?

25. Do you have a nickname for your heart?

26. Have you ever had an ECG/echo/stress test, etc?

27. What’s the ultimate comment that someone can make about your heart to fluster you?

28. Do you struggle to say the words “heart”, “heartbeat”, etc aloud?

29. What’s your favourite pulse point on yourself? How about on others?

30. Has anyone ever commented on your heartbeat or pulse being visible?

[trashimoto]

Random nikei headcanon post because i have time to kill before work

Probably the thing hes most interested in thats closest to another “hobby” outside of his journalism is his special sodas. Id say 80% of his diet is soda and i think he collects rare bottles and stuff… you saw how excited he god about that discontinued soda in chapter 1!!!! I think its one of the only real things outside of journalism hes like super interested in lmfao.

Similarly this man functions off of soda and coffee primairly. He has bad insomnia pretty often combined with an insane caffeine intake + i think he doesnt rhe process behind going to bed becausenof the whole Lying in bed alone with your thoughts part as well as i think he has nightmares pretty often. I think more nights than most he ends up falling asleep at his desk writing than actually like going to bed.

^ I think back in void Hajime always lectured him about this and how its not good for him and Nikei NEVER wants to hear it. And then again in the killing game i think probably around chapter 3 eventually Setsuka started gently doing the same thing except he listened more LMFAO. And then chapter 4 on i think he got even less sleep on a regular basis because Jesus christ with the bruality of ch 3 bda i wouldny be able to sleep either

This is a rarity with my headcanons for most of my favoreire charaxters hinestly but i think hes compeltely straightedge. Mostly vecause of the party scene seeing as he didnt drink at all and i just cannot realistically see him even smoking weed LMFAO i think if he did hed get really paranoid. I think this is definetly the best option for him too.

I think hed be bad at driving honestly. I dont think he was able to get his license because he kept getting too overwhelmed with all the things to keep track of and like idk you dont have much of a control on what other people do when you drive so i think hed get super stressed. Also i think hed have awful road rage. I think he makes up excuses though instwad of just saying he cant drive and is liek UMMMM WELL I CAN INTERVIEW PEOPLE ON PUBLIC TRANSIT SOOO

I generally dont think he would trust doctors as well. Hes not very good at trusting people in general and i think he just avoids goijg to rhe doctors as much as he can because he thinks theyre out to get him or theyre going to lie to him or soemthing. I think also if a doctor prescribed him something ever hed be like yeah nice try eith your POSION PILLS asshole im too smart to take these(they are antibiotics and he juet gets more sick)

If you borrow a pen from him he will hunt you down and make you return it no matter what. Even if you already gave it back and he jist forgot

[orcelito]

should i make a Bad Choice?

no.

do i Want to make a Bad Choice?

.................yes

[ibroughtyoumybullets]

insomnia sucks balls dude

[thevermingod]

I know one of the first side effects of Antidepressants is more energy but Holy crud I did not know it would be this much energy. When I go to work I don’t feel exhausted the second I walk in and can go the entire day without being tired! I stayed late to help today and Didnt feel like my legs would give out! Talking to my coworkers doesn't feel like too much now!!

The best!! Part is!! That my wit is back!! I used to be too slow to make a come back but now!! I can keep up!! Im sarcastic again!

[tf2fansderogatory]

Maybe goin against common belief but i think pauling can be just as impulsive as the mercs. Dont get me wrong, she is absolutely smarter than most of them combined, but when you work 20+ hours a day, 364 days a year, the brains gonna get a little mushy. she just does things thinking its gonna turn out fine, usually things that involve her personal health.

im just saying she has 100% gone to medic at least once with enough caffeine in her system to kill a small horse, and she only went because she was shaking too hard to dig shallow graves properly.

No no no ur sooo right I think it's kind of annoying when people write her off as "the braincell of the group" cuz I find it to be a fandom trope to avoid making women funny. I don't rlly think she's any more of a "group braincell" than like, Spy or something. I think Pauling is super frazzled from being overworked and that should be explored as much as everyone else's quirks and possible side effects retained from their line of work. Also Pauling does literally kill people! It's not uncommon for me to see people write her as like totally inexperienced and needing man, idk, Scout the ultimate weenie man or smth to show her the ropes. She kills people. Let her kill people and be funny

[thefloatingstone]

hello cpuff, how are you?

i have an adhd related question and need your advise

i would like to try a medical treatment for my adhd again but im very traumatised by my first time. it was apparently a small dosage and the side effects were horrible (i do believe my therapist was only for children too)

how did you find out what treatment was right? do you need a treatment to get by in everyday life?

im going to university soon and i dont want to fuck it up.. :')

thanks in advance!

Hey Toast!

I'm in a unique position in that despite being born in the late 80s and growing up in the early 90s, my dad is a doctor and my mom was heavily involved in his medical practice. So I was very lucky to be diagnosed with "Type 2 ADD" from the age of 4 or 5. My mom did have me on Ritalin as a small child but I wasn't on the medication long although she can't remember why she discontinued it. But something wasn't working for me.

As an adult, my ADHD is a type that is high functioning for most things, thankfully. I still have big struggles, and as a result I developed the fun little splinter skill called "Anxiety disorder" to counteract the forgetfulness, procrastination, avoidance and general executive dysfunction. It works for a lot of things... but it's still an anxiety disorder which has its OWN symptoms and detriments.

As a result, I'm not on any ADHD specific medication. Although most of them are illegal here anyway due to them being an amphetamine. The medication I am on is for the anxiety disorder which became necessary after some extremely traumatic events in 2018 when I hit my limit.

When I was in matric, I self medicated with vasts amount of diet coke (it was the caffeine which helped focus). I still have an extremely difficult time with studying if it's a subject I don't find interesting as my brain will heavily resist the study period itself and will "dump" any information I learn during studying because it doesn't produce dopamine and so the brain function considers it "useless information." (this isn't me trying to be cute. This is a gross simplification of what actually happens cognitively).

At the moment I am trying to study for the ILETS exam and I admit it's very difficult and I am avoiding it a lot.

I am using a star sticker reward system which has worked for me in the past. (it doesn't seem as effective these days but it used to work very well). And I try and limit how much I study to extremely short sessions more frequently than doing long study periods. I also do a lot more cramming the day before as a result of how my brain treats "undesired information".

The flip side is I remember random trivia and knowledge in subjects I enjoy for literally decades...

Anyway I'm rambling.

I don't know if it would be beneficial to you and your ADHD make-up, but I find that behavioural therapy, reward systems and structure work better for me in lieu of medication. (outside of the anxiety meds to manage anxiety symptoms. The medication does not take away the functional anxiety that counter-acts the ADHD luckily). The only downside here is that BECAUSE of my ADHD I struggle to do a lot of the therapy practice specifically designed to help manage my symptoms. (but I am not in a place where I can find ADHD specific therapy to help me with how my brain functions). But I DO find repetitive practice, structure, and breaking things down into the tiniest most basic tasks does help a TINY bit.

That, and doing more than one thing at once. THAT one is a winner for me. Cooking supper? Put on a video to listen to as I do so. Driving? podcast time. Working? youtube tutorial time. reading? music time. (just no lyrics). Jogging? More podcasts/audiobooks.

As well as different methods of processing information. If you can, try to find places that present the material you want to learn in a unique manner. I'm currently 1/4 through the first Dune novel because a DJ made a 23 hour video putting the audiobook to his own lo-fi mixes and trippy visuals. Which resulted in me very quickly memorising a LOT of names and world building which I'm normally terrible at. I tend to internalise information best through video than reading. But when I do read a physical book, audio input is a big must as my brain gets bored otherwise and I lose focus.

My friends with ADHD have great success with journalling in bullet point although it doesn't work for me. (I start, it works great, then I stop doing it and forget it was a working method.) They found breaking things down into bullet points helps them bring order to their thoughts. Same with calendars.

Use multi coloured pens. This is a BIG help. Just writing every paragraph in a new colour helps so much for re-reading notes and stops you skimming a huge text wall.

Speak to your lecturer and make them aware that you will doodle in class while they lecture, and that you are doing so because it stops you from getting visually distracted while they lecture and helps you process audio better. Maybe they won't care but it's best just to let them know "I'm not ignoring you so don't call me out."

I hope some of this can be helpful in SOME way... I still struggle a lot so I don't have a lot of answers because I mostly feel like I don't function well at all. And what I do function with I only function with out of dumb luck.

I know I have adult mutuals who also have ADHD so maybe some of them can help chime in with more tips. (I won't tag them because I don't want to call them out without permission)

[eternityservedcold]

akira paleeease talk more about tomoyo just share a bunch of stuff about tomoyo I want to learn about her so bad. shes just so ermmm pardon my french. hot as hell

AKSDJHASKJDHK of course my friend. here are some Assorted Tomoyo Facts (aside from the things able to be gleaned from her reference blurb)

all of the amalgam assembly characters have an associated tarot card (because im insane). hers is the magician, which can mean a lot of things but in her case mostly represents:

skill and success (her work is complex but she is very good at it)

the physical and spiritual (her work can be seen as a form of magic and/or transmutation)

concentration and willpower (yeah)

creation and manifestation (she is literally frankenstein 2, having created a living being from nothing)

speaking of, i dont talk about connie much but its tomoyos daughter, a living being made from candy. she honestly started the project as a joke but once it worked she was like "WHAT THE HELL. i need to study this thing." and made it go fight monsters lol (it went willingly!! it was NOT forced)

the creation of connie is actually, OBJECTIVELY, the inciting incident for everything. so you could say tomoyo is the foundation on which amalgam assembly lies!

tomoyos usual work is commissioned body modifications, clones, bioengineered animals/people, and prosthetics. some of what she considers her best work (aside from connie) are: an idol/actress harpy girl (commissioned by a media company), a living ball jointed doll (commissioned by a toy company), and a mermaid girl with a functional tail (commissioned by the mermaid girl herself)

amalgam assembly will be a fighting game, but tomoyo herself will not fight because 1. she doesnt care enough and 2. she is pretty physically weak. anyone who wants to fight her will have to take it up with leo. that being said, with the amount of FREAKS there are in amalgam assembly (demons, angels, vampires, dragons, etc), im sure shed love to thoroughly examine (dissect) all of them. maybe she can be a dlc character with a similar shtick to valentine from skullgirls?

leo has a big gay crush on tomoyo (big shocker) and in the final product its going to be extremely ambiguous whether tomoyo is leading them on, ambivalent to it, or genuinely clueless. the real answer lies somewhere in the middle? tomoyo is married to science and thus cannot be wooed, but she also doesnt see leo as an attainable partner for herself (for many reasons), BUT she ALSO sees the value in keeping them around to do stuff around the lab

ok ok ive been going on for too long. here are some rapid fire facts:

her blood type is actually O, even though the commonly accepted blood type personality theory says she should be B or AB. she thinks this is very funny

her favorite flavor category is savory (avoiding giving her a favorite food so as to not curse her)

though she provides plastic surgery, etc to others, shes actually staunchly against doing it on herself

i like to imagine she had a deviantart sparkledog phase (or whatever the 2030s/40s equivalent would be) but idk if i would say thats concretely canon

she made her goggles herself and they are prescription (shes very nearsighted)

she often falls asleep at her desk, no matter how much caffeine she consumes

she likes to make pottery as a hobby whenever she actually has free time

she owns a three-headed cat named catberus (the heads are also individually named. havent decided what theyre called though...)

(NOT real lore dont take this seriously lol)