#i am always SO into fictional characters who do things the messy but comfortable way instead of the right way | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

toyherb · 9 months

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long rambling stream of consiousnes post

remember when someone was called our for making porn of their oc but aged up and the anon was like "but you have portrayed them as a kid too" and everyone was like. people age dude. they don't exist as a child to (author) etc etc

anyway I think the way we think if this kind of discourse has messed with our minds and how we think of fictional characters. thankfully I am not engaged in any sort of shipping discourse in any fandom. and I always stay silent on my opinions on this but I just wanted to like... sort my thoughts ig

please read the footnotes this was so stream of consciousness djhavavkda

I hate proshippers and how they behave they are so annoying and act like people who disagree with them are all stupid dumb dumb babies. I have more thoughts but this isn't really about them.

having said that I'm not an anti by any means... anti culture does not attract me, and I would rather spend my time having fun with media I like and avoiding what I dislike.

there is no room for people with a moderate opinion in this discourse. people in the middle seem to pick a side and then try hard to fit in or explain weird logic to make what they feel okay to them (if they are an anti who wants to ship or make porn something tabboo, they by certain logic it is okay) or ignore things that make them upset (on the proshipper side). unless I'm just so far removed I don't even see these people (since potentially they also just don't engage with the discussion, or do so privately)

I think, on the topic of aging up characters it depends on SO many factors whether it feels "morally okay" or not. like in the first example, the character experiences time and is portrayed at different life stages and porn of them as an adult, made by the author, exists. all of that is extremely normal and healthy. my thoughts on this extend to characters who are not adults in popular media. I don't think people who do this are attracted to teenagers , but rather the idea of that character as an adult and their partner (if this is about sex or shipping or whatever) who is the same or similar age as them.*(1)

even if the characters do not "belong" to them, to me this is like playing with barbies and thinking of stories on your own. especially with anything illustrated or drawn which really lends itself to imagination and different interpretations of characters.

having said that. I do not really feel comfortable with the idea of actually elementary age children being aged up for porn if they have never been portrayed as an adult or older teen. it's weird? it doesn't make sense to me. like. with a teenage character you have a better idea of who that character will be as an adult (even if obviously we change a lot between being teens vs adults) but with a young kid? like, when you see them you are still picturing the child even if the art is them grown up. there is not context to imagine them as a whole adult if it's just porn. this was messy but idk how to phrase this properly.

(I am specifically thinking of Pearl from Ace Attorney when I write this. which differs in the next example in that Pearl is a kid surrounded by adults and engages with the world and the writing as a child and has little agency over herself. in a way i think people who have childhood trauma can see this and a portrayal of [adult] pearl having agency, even in a pornographic way, is safe and theraputic. i think thats kind of poetic tbh but it still makes me sad and upset to think of pearl sexually)*(2)

it's gets more confusing and hard to form feelings on this kind of thing because of how nuanced every situation can be. like when Rugrats All Grown Up was a thing, I'm sure people who grew up with the show thought the adult versions were attractive and proceeded how you can imagine. It.... doesn't feel THAT weird to me I guess? The characters were portrayed whith whole personalities, from their perspectives, and how they are treated by the original show (at least in my faint memory), it kind of makes sense. You don't think of them as just babies but as whole people.

(this is similar to how if you are a kid reading something like A Series of Unfortunate events, you might love reading about the kids facing adversity and escaping danger, but an adult reader would probably be distressed and worried for the them. I read the books as a kid and that's what my teacher said she felt. watching the TV show as an adult I understand her.)

Another example is Harry Potter. I have no real idea how people decided to write fic for it back in the early 00s, if they decided to age characters up, before the later books, but I know people were writing porn for it. (but also like. not sure why adults were such big hp fans. maybe they were just around the books for whatever reason like as a librarian or teacher or whatever). in a situation like that I think its easy to picture in your mind older characters but personally I'm still like. they were middle schoolers, bro... its very nearly absurd to me to imagine writing porn of Harry Potter characters before any depiction of them as adults existed. I GUESS you can age them up? it's still weird to me. which is weird bc the previous example we started with literal babies. hp just feels more specific with its characters and rugrats feels more loose, and I could say that's because rugrats is a kids show that primarily exists in our memory, but I also never even read harry potter

I think this ultimately has to do with how we think of characters in more personal ways. Like... in Fire Emblem Awakening, I married Chrom and Lucina was our daughter. But if you play as a boy you can marry Lucina because she comes from the future as an adult (or however old she is). I know people who think of Lucina as m!Robin's canon partner, are attracted to her, and that's fucked up to me. I just can't think of her as an adult woman, even if she is one. Like. I actually get mad thinking about it. but this is because of my personal feelings about Lucina.

(but like literally I think marrying any of 2nd gen in that game is weird so maybe i just know some weirdos)

so anyway my conclusion is that fandom is personal and what feels okay and what feels like pedophilia depends on how we engage with it and that nuance makes it difficult and even impossible to distinguish if someone is a freak or not without knowing and understanding their relationship with the media yaaaayyyyy

1*This only really feels normal if you are college age or you started liking the thing when you were younger and then got older. Unless you're galaxy brained and make those characters 30 and in an office setting I guess. How weird this whole idea is depends on on how the characters exist in their canon world, not just their age but like.... narratively(?). Like their agency, what they do, personality etc. I do not mean to imply that if you are a teenager those kinds of things make YOU more attractive to adults (on the contrary, abusers will prey on qualities that isolate you from any support), but, because fictional characters are fictional and like barbie dolls, we can change the context we want them to exist in. ie oh they're in college and not high school or whatever. Again, how you personally interact with the media also contributes, and how you initially get to know these characters also forms how you will ultimately conceive of them.

(that said the stronger it is established the characters are in high school the less I am able to reimagine them I college without having to completely imagine them changing into new people over time. the only other option really is to imagine a full on au... but even then i feel like you have to change them quite a bit.) (not to mention the more it's established they're high schoolers the less i am attracted to them... 🤢 i wouldnt change them just so i can like them. i would just not like them anymore...)

(even when i was just beginning college I was really into an Ouran high school host club character which I liked in high school, but now I'm not interested in him at all... aging out of that attraction is such a weird feeling.)

2*I want to add to this artistic, dark angle that I skim over here. As someone with fandoms which ARE dark, violent, and indeed contain abusive relationships, I think there is artistic value in certain things like this. It's not that I like to see pedophilia or incest portrayed, but that dark and fucked up stuff which is meant to wrench your gut has a right to exist. even when it's pornographic! pornographic art CAN have things to say! and even when it doesn't necessarily say much, I think that gut wrenching type stuff has value for being that way.

(although how I feel about that kind of thing is not the same as how I feel about like. porn depicting siblings that is just porn. I mean, I know that porn on its own has artistic value no matter how base we believe it to be. I'm just saying porn depicting abuse and playing into that feeling of disgust and shame is not the same as porn that's just "teehee my step sister is a whore." although I think the difference between these two is probably the perspective and position of control the reader and protagonist have. even comparing say lolita to stepsister or stepdaughter porn. the control the protagonist has over the situation, the way it makes us feel... it all contributes to that nuance I was talking about.)

(also I know I just said porn has artistic value no matter how base it is but I fucking hate that stepsibling shit. it's so popular bc its a fantasy to live with someone you like but it gets me so mad.)

#its about shipping discourse sorryyy #biting the bullet and hitting post #tbh i like what i wrote i think i said what i wanted #im not really set in stone about this nor do i think i say it very intelligently #but it's like. my thoughts so far ig!!#like again i think its nuanced but how i feel on it really depends #and i could become more strict or more lenient with my feelings later if i learn or decide something

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tteokggukk · 3 years

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summer heat → jjk

–pairing: twin!jungkook x reader

–genre: fluff, mature (? but no smut), drabble, a minor attempt at humor, best friend’s twin brother type of thing

–words: 2.9k

–warnings: explicit language, sexual tension, tiny bit of humiliation, a hint of jungkook and reader having some sort of “history” if u squint hard enough

–summary: in an attempt to calm you down and prevent your mood from swinging due to the blazing heat, your best friend decides to go out and buy you some ice cream. you’re shocked, however, when he quickly returns and looks different, making you see him in an entirely new light and leaving you trying to resist the urge to give in to your raging hormones and just jump on him.

–a/n: i was thinking of this scenario in the shower but didn’t have the brain power to turn it into a full length story so i might just add this to a pile of drabbles that i may or may not develop heh + ive been in my jungkook feels too lately sigh + also this is unedited

permanent taglist: @100percent-dum-dum @mochisjoon @boraength @rageyoudamnednerd

It was a scorching hot summer’s day. Sweat was beginning to trickle down your temples and your shirt was getting stuck to your skin, causing an irking feeling of discomfort. Looking around, you quickly grabbed an empty long folder from your best friend’s messy desk and began fanning yourself to cool down. The two of you were just there, sitting in his room in a not-so-comfortable silence.

You were currently plopped down onto a chair with your legs resting on the desk in front of you, too lazy to come up with ideas to kill your boredom.

It was a tradition for your family to travel every summer and visit a new country you hadn’t been to, but this year you had to pass the plane tickets and sight-seeing due to your best friend, Junghan, asking begging you to help him out with a month-long film project. You didn’t have the heart to decline, so you told your parents you’d stay behind and help him out which resulted in you having to stay over at Junghan’s place for the rest of the summer.

You had to admit though, a small part of you felt disinclined to stay because the project sounded like it would’ve been a tedious workload, but working with your best friend was so much more fun than you’d imagined and even the project itself turned out to be enjoyable. So far, your summer break has been spent filming and hanging out with Junghan—though hanging out usually meant staying in his room and watching romcoms all day while crying over fictional characters, ranting about how you two would never meet such perfect men in real life. It was great.

Until the air conditioner broke down.

You glanced over at Junghan, who seemed to be just as spiritless as you were while he sat in front of a fan, eyes looking empty and distant.

“I told you the air conditioner needed to be fixed,” You sighed and looked up at the ceiling, completely missing the harsh glare he sent you.

“I said I was gonna get it fixed,” He replies and turns back to the fan, his voice quieting down a little, “But the number for repair wouldn’t answer.”

“Right,” You muttered absent-mindedly, eyes staring at the ceiling while your mind was too busy trying to come up with suggestions to beat the heat, “We could go to the pool?”

“Closed,” Junghan grunts, “The mall?”

“As if we’d both drive in this state,” You rolled your eyes as you tried to get your shirt to stop sticking to your skin. Junghan glances over at you when he hears you grumbling, one of the many cues that you were beginning to feel peevish. Deciding that it was pointless to keep tugging on your shirt, you opt to take it off instead.

“You don’t mind do you?” You asked before completely removing your shirt, only leaving you in your bralette. Though you knew he never did because of the countless times he’s helped you change and pick out different outfits, you always asked out of politeness. Additionally, his zero interest in women made you feel much safer and comfortable enough to undress around him.

“I really don’t care,” He says and stands up. You hear him rumbling for a moment while you were neatly folding your shirt, and seconds later you recognize the jingling sound of keys.

“Where are you going?” You asked.

“The nearby grocery. You’re about to get grumpy and I am not going to listen to a rambling bitch for the rest of the day,” He says, rubbing his temples as he makes his way to the door.

“So you’re just gonna leave me here?” You asked, too exhausted to even glance at him. He probably wasn’t, you only asked for the dramatic effect.

“No, dumbass. I’m just gonna go and buy ice cream. See you in a bit.”

And with that Junghan leaves and closes the door shut. Only a few minutes later after the sound of the engine had gone did you decide to exert a little effort and move over to his previous spot to sit in front of the fan, the air immediately cooling your skin. You sighed in relief and grabbed a few tissues to wipe your temples dry before grabbing your phone and texting Junghan to buy some lemonade, followed by a second text telling him you’d pay him back once he returned.

You were surprised to hear, not even ten minutes later, that the car was already back and pulling up in the driveway. It couldn’t have been Junghan’s parents as they were out working, and it was only you and Junghan around—not like you two had many friends who would come and visit. Instead of rationalizing with yourself on how Junghan came back home in supersonic speed, you decide to drop it and wait for him to come up back to his room.

Someone knocks on the door, causing your brows to furrow in confusion. Since when did Junghan knock?

“Come... in?” You answer, though it came out more as a question. Your head turns at the sound of the door opening, and your eyes widen at seeing Junghan standing by the doorframe.

Looking oddly different.

“Dude,” You stood up from your place and stared him up and down, “Is that what you were really wearing when you went out?”

His eyebrows raise in shock and you catch his eyes taking a quick glimpse from your chest before quickly looking back at the perplexed look on your face, a small smirk forming on lips. You decide to ignore it.

“What a warm ‘welcome home’,” he chuckles.

“You didn’t answer me,” you replied, still oblivious to the difference in his tone.

He was wearing an all-black ensemble—a black cap, a black leather jacket, black pants that outlined his toned thighs (how have you never noticed?), and some chunky black boots—a huge contrast to his normally colorful and baggy clothing. You were genuinely curious because you hadn’t noticed what he looked like before he left the house as you were too tired and lazy to even look up and say goodbye.

“Uh, yeah. This is what I was wearing?” He narrows one of his eyes, looking confused, “Why?”

“I don’t know… since when did you wear all black?”

“Since way back then? I don’t know,” He replies, and you now noticed how his voice was unusually low. Junghan steps inside and averts his eyes from you, looking around in his room before scrimmaging through drawers as if in search for something.

“What are you looking for?” You asked, folding your arms and following him around.

“A charger,” He replies, and a chill runs down your spine at the sound of his voice. You thought maybe you’d detect how he was just trying to change his manner of speaking, but it was effortlessly low; like he wasn’t faking it or anything. It was weird because Junghan normally sounded a little more high pitched.

“What charger?”

“A laptop charger, mine broke,” He continues searching and not once does he meet your eyes.

“Oh okay, let me help you then,” You begin to look around and help him search, “Though I don’t know what it looks like, I’ll let you know if I see a charger.”

He looks up at you and smiles, but you don’t catch him watching you as you were already busy searching, “Thanks.”

The two of you continue searching in silence, though occasionally you’d look up and glance at Junghan. What exactly was he doing? Was this for his film? Is he supposed to be in character? This new look and manner of talking that he somehow adopted after a quick trip to the grocery store did things to you. Every time he grunted in annoyance after a failed search, something in your stomach would twist and you found yourself suddenly feeling drawn, or maybe even more than drawn, to your best friend. Your gay best friend.

You shook your head to get rid of those thoughts.

Only a few minutes later did you find something that looked like a charger hiding underneath a pile of unfolded clothes before presenting it to Junghan, “Is it this?”

“Yes! Exactly that,” He jumps up from crouching over one of the drawers at the bedside and walks over to you, “Thank you.”

“Yeah, sure. I don’t know why you took such a long time searching for something in your room, though,” You rolled your eyes.

“My room?” He smiles, voice a little deeper but with a hint of amusement.

God, you could just jump on him right now.

“Yeah?” You knit your brows, “And stop doing that!”

“Stop doing what?” He asks, sitting down on the edge of the bed so he was looking up at you. He leans back a bit a folds his arms, a smile still tugging on the corner of his mouth.

Maybe it was the summer heat doing things to your head and making you think about all these things that you never thought you’d ever want to do with your gay best friend, but he seemed so in character it was actually beginning to bother you. What store did he go to exactly? And where the hell is the ice cream?

“That! What’s up with your voice? And your outfit? You look so different, it’s weird,” You folded your arms as if to mirror him.

“Weird, huh?” He asks and looks at his clothing before looking back at you.

“Not in a bad way. It looks good, it’s just not you,” You squirmed slightly before shaking your head to snap out of it, “I don’t know what store you went to that made you look like this—and congrats I guess, if you’re trying to switch up your fashion, but you completely missed the ice cream, so good luck trying to handle this rambling bitch.”

He laughs at the words “rambling bitch” and oh god that is not what his laughter sounded like before. When did the sound of his laugh sound so deep and sultry? You subconsciously sucked on and bit your lip at the sound of his laughter, trying your best not to visibly drool in front of him. He catches your subtle action and his brow raises at the sight.

“Despite all the things you said, you think this looks good?” A playful smile rests on his face and your heart beats erratically at his expression.

“Y-yeah, I don’t know,” You mumbled. He shifts on the edge of the bed to move closer to you.

“And because there’s no ice cream, you’re going to turn into some rambling…” He reaches his hand out, the back of his fingers feeling the skin on your exposed waist before resting his hand on your back to pull you in closer.

“…person?” he continues, brows raised and eyes staring intently at yours, not using the vulgar word you had just used to describe yourself (or the word he had just called you before he left to go to the store).

“I...um, we’ll see,” you replied, and he only chuckles deeply. Your voice had transformed into a murmuring mess and it annoyed you, but you couldn’t really do anything about it, right now he reminded you so much of—

“I think you look good too, you know. Maybe I did miss you a lot more than I thought I did,” he whispers, pulling you in even more so you were now standing between his thighs.

Missed you? After an eight minute trip to the grocery store?

You didn’t question it. Your mind was blanking out, malfunctioning, even. Here was your best friend, your gay best friend (as you had to keep reminding yourself), placing his hands on your bare skin in a way that you knew wasn’t going to turn out to be so innocent. Right now you were extremely attracted and possibly even turned on by whatever the fuck he was doing, all you could do to save yourself was blame it on the heat. Was this absolutely weird? Hell yes. Did you want to stop him? Fuck no.

Were you now completely devoid of all reason and logic?

Definitely.

Softly, he tugs on your arm and pulls you into him so you were now sitting on his lap with your hand resting on his chest. One of his hands was still attached to your waist, the other was resting itself on the bed, gripping on a blanket.

Chills run down your spine for the second time now as his mouth moves closer to your ear, “Lucky for you I know the perfect way to handle rambling bitches.”

Your breath hitches for a moment and Junghan moves back to face you, his lips grazing your cheeks a little before you meet each other’s gaze. The summer heat was definitely nothing compared to this, but you didn’t mind. Your faces were only mere centimeters apart now and you could’ve sworn he was beginning to lean in by the look in his eyes, which were now fixated on your lips.

Seriously, you could just grab him by the collar right now and speed things up. He’s the one who pulled you in first, anyway, you just wanted to get things going. Though you haven’t exactly a clue as to where this would end, you wished he would hurry up a little to find out.

But for some strange reason, your senses were enveloped with the distinct smell of a signature fragrance that you knew did not belong to Junghan and it snapped you out of your thoughts. The scent was strong enough to flash some memories back in your mind, making you frown. Did he use this perfume on purpose? Or was your mind just playing tricks on you? In a flash, you could suddenly think straight and you couldn’t help it, the moral side of your brain had turned far stronger than your currently raging hormones (thank goodness). Something was definitely off.

“But, Junghan… aren’t you… gay?” You asked, your voice trailing off a little.

His eyes widen and he pulls back from you. He stares at you for a few seconds before it hits him, and he starts erupting in laughter. You narrowed your eyes at him and got off his lap, moving over to the side and sitting beside him instead.

“Junghan?” He stresses on the name. You’re staring at him blankly now, like you knew he was just messing with you. His laughter eventually dies down and he places a hand on your thigh, though it seemed much more innocent now, “I’m so sorry, ____, you’ve got the wrong person.”

With one hand, he quickly grabs the blanket off the bed. The back of his other free hand endearingly caresses your jaw, and you notice how he lingers for a while as he moves a bit lower down to your neck—before wrapping the fabric around you and covering your whole torso with it. Your face immediately turns pink as you clutched onto the blanket to further cover yourself, feeling slightly humiliated, though you were still confused.

“Wrong person? What do you mean?”

“I was wondering why you had no shirt on, I thought that was just a regular thing for you now. But it’s probably cause you’re more comfortable around my brother, huh?”

“Your brother…?”

“Has it really been that long?” He chuckles, and instantly your mind began connecting the pieces together. Could it actually be him? You haven’t seen him in years, and no one even bothered telling you he was coming back today. No way, surely this was Junghan playing a joke on you.

“I’m not Junghan. I’m his twin brother, Jungkook. Remember?”

You hastily stood up in defense, still clutching the blanket close to your chest, “Shut the fuck up, Junghan. No one said anything about Jungkook coming back today!”

Junghan Jungkook only laughs and stands up, the melodious sound filling the room, followed by the sound of footsteps approaching the wide open bedroom door.

“What a shame, but it was a surprise. I didn’t tell anyone I was coming home today,” He folds his arms, “And if I am Junghan, then who is that?” He points at the doorframe and true enough, Junghan was standing there holding grocery bags in his arms wearing his usual oversized colorful jacket and khaki colored pants.

You and Junghan both looked at each other with mouths dropped down to the floor before you looked back at Jungkook, who had the same smirk tugged on his lips, clearly amused at the whole situation.

Jungkook bends forward and leans in to your face, his voice in a lower tone but still audible enough for his brother to hear, “Probably shouldn’t take your top off so leisurely around the house anymore, huh?” He grins and winks at you, causing you wince and force an awkward smile, internally cursing yourself at everything that just happened.

“Anyways, I should probably rest up in my room. See you around,” Jungkook flashes you a smile before placing a chaste kiss on your (now dry, because your body had frozen up) forehead before walking away from you, taking the charger and dangling it in his other hand. He taps his confused looking brother on the shoulder before turning his head back to take one last look at you before walking out, leaving you and Junghan staring at each other in shock.

Junghan walks in slowly and sets the bags of grocery on the floor, shutting the door behind him.

“What the fuck just happened?” He asks you, eyes wide in anticipation.

Your mind replays everything that had happened between you two. Was Jungkook really just about to kiss you minutes before? Heart racing, you clutch on your chest from underneath the blanket he had covered you with. No way was Jungkook back. No way is he back and looking even more attractive than he did the last time you saw him. Not when you had just gotten over your small crush on him a couple of years ago.

The heat returns to your body, but it mainly pools on your cheeks. You look back at your best friend, but no words of explanation come up.

“Believe me, I’m asking myself the same thing.”

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veliseraptor · 2 years

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just for grins was looking at this juxtaposition of additional tags in my bookmarks (left) versus my own works (right) and like. clearly there’s a lot of overlap here just in terms of them being shuffled around. (if I like a fic I will almost always bookmark it, so this makes a good approximation of my reading habits)

observations of interest to me specifically but perhaps nobody else:

dubious consent - on bookmarks but not my own fic! this actually sort of surprises me (some similar feelings about the specific inclusion of “torture” on the bookmarks but not works. nice to know I’m not that predictable a writer!)

entertained by the fact that I’ve bookmarked more hurt/comfort than I’ve written mostly because I know why that’s the case and it’s because about half of my fics that maybe could qualify aren’t tagged hurt/comfort specifically because they’re lacking in what felt like sufficient comfort to count.

so “established relationship” is 100% on there because of Remember This Cold, which makes up 28 of those 54 fics all by its lonesome

also a little surprised by “canon compliant” making it on my bookmarks considering that it sort of feels like 90% of what I read is canon divergence fix-its, but maybe that’s perception and not reality

“grief/mourning” on both, love to see it

as far as things I apparently write but read less of...pre-canon stuff, apparently? would not have guessed that at all. I don’t think of myself as someone who is typically drawn to pre-canon things. but I suppose sometimes that plays into the canon divergence thing - though in general I think of myself as preferring to diverge somewhere within canon than before it even begins? interesting interesting. possible notable that when I narrow the parameters to works just under the “Lise” pseud (i.e. more recent), that tag no longer makes the list. wondering how much of the pre-canon tagged works are Supernatural.

speaking of the Lise pseud’s additional tags list specifically - well, for one thing it’s a whole lot hornier. 3/10 sex related tags rather than 1. also interesting to see no sexy tags on the bookmarks list. if I had to guess I’d say that my thor & loki stash of genfic has a lot to do with that. just went to check what happened if I excluded that single relationship and...yeah, there’s a sexy tag in my top ten for the bookmarks again. doing the hard hitting statistical analysis here

smdh “Dark” lise what kind of vague and uninformative tag is that (the answer is, based on pseud filtering, one that I apparently tacked on a bunch of FFN transfer fic, probably because I was feeling too lazy to get more specific on every one of those)

statistically affirming that I write a lot about character deaths that specifically happen in canon. this does not surprise me. however, I am interested in the discrepancy between that number and the number of times I’ve used the Major Character Death AO3 warning, which is 77. this means that I have killed characters that didn’t die in canon on 35 separate occasions. and we’re not talking about me killing characters I don’t like, generally speaking. to be loved by me is to die, at least if you’re a fictional character. if canon doesn’t get to you first I will. or sometimes if canon gets to you first I will also, but differently, several times.

favorite juxtaposition here is on the bookmarks list where it’s “character study” and “torture.” well I guess that’s one way to study a character

post-canon showing up in bookmarks telling on me about my “but i wanna know what happened after everything was supposedly resolved but there’s still a bunch of messy stuff remaining to be dealt with” narrative kink

#holy shit that's a lot of fics tagged for angst though #confessions of a frustrated writer #i should have a tag for just 'mucking around with personal stats' or something

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jiangwanyinscatmom · 3 years

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This is a bit of a long rambly mess, but I just to vent somewhere! When I was at first getting annoyed at JC’s depictions, I thought fanon JC was painted as similar Mu Qing, right down to JC being given MQ’s secret care for children. But I then realized that even that comparison was inaccurate.

Even MQ apologizes (more than once across the story!), says that XL was right, and says he wants to be his friend. And if JC did that in most fics, that would at least be fine. But fans don’t even do the courtesy of giving JC that arc! Instead, it’s always JC being right -- whether about the GC transfer, or he’s suddenly become a person who’s willing to help the Wens and WWX is just a stupid idiot for doing it on his own -- and WWX has to admit that JC was right.

And where MQ becomes more comfortable with the fact that he used to be a servant, accepting and overcoming the insecurities, JC’s arc in fic could be learning to overcome his insecurities that WWX is better than him at many things even despite their class differences. But no, fanon JC has to be AMAZING at something, or even SEVERAL things, SO much BETTER at them than poor stupid WWX. That’s the BEST solution for Yunmeng bros reconciliation, obviously.

At this point, I honestly wish JC was actually given MQ’s character arc in more fics, because at least he could be said to have one, and not just have always been a perfect person, best brother, best jiujiu, bestest sect leader. Ugh.

It kind of feels like another side of purity culture from the people who should be against it. If JC and WWX reconcile,if JC loves WWX, then JC can’t have ever been a bad brother. Instead, it’s Wei Wuxian who has been the bad brother (the character who’s more easy to change since he a) has already gone through this characterization in all versions of the canon, so his development can be reversed for the fic and brought back up to speed by the end, and b) has actually had character growth, unlike JC, so it’s easier to write that growth). It’s Wei Wuxian who needs to change to match where JC is at. It’s fine if the “bad brother” is the character who tried to do good, but fucked it up because he “doesn’t know how to ask for help!” or “is too stupid to know other people care!” or whatever other excuse. That’s easy to fix! But it’s not fine when it’s the character who never really cared about people outside of his sect and is terribly low on empathy/mercy/compassion/caring. JC has to have been secretly good all along! He loves his brother, so obviously he never did anything terrible to him! Or to other people in the name of hating him! Love cannot be unhealthy or messy or crystalized over by and wrapped up in hate!

(I mean, if we’re comparing characters to JC, Severus Snape also has an unpleasant personality yet was actually revealed to not have been evil all along, and the discourse around him is more interesting than the stuff surrounding JC. It’s still often stupid discourse, but at least it’s based on evidence from the text and not a made up secret narrative where JC hasn’t been a bad person this whole time so fans can just make up whatever characterization they want.)

Instead of dealing with JC’s and WWX’s canon relationship and trying to find a way forward from where they left off in Guanyin Temple (if they’re ignoring the extras in MDZS, or going off CQL), fanon JC is just retroactively made into having always been a good person to justify the ease of their reconciliation.

And as someone who loves delving into fictional complex, complicated, messy, ugly relationships, I find it so...bland, boring, childish, and exhausting.

"As someone who loves delving into fictional complex, complicated, messy, ugly relationships, I find it so...bland, boring, childish, and exhausting."

Hello there anon, the above as well as what you said about reversing Wei Wuxian's character to be on par with how awful Jiang Cheng was to him is especially resonating. As a person Jiang Cheng himself for all intents was considered at least above average from the normal cultivators.

Yet his downfall always relied on his hate of Wei Wuxian (as a person, in talent, socially) it is a core part of his character that is woven into the work itself and the catalyst for Wei Wuxian's death itself. Jiang Cheng if anything, is coldly upfront on just why he refuses to help Wei Wuxian out of his predicament as well as framing Wei Wuxian. The text itself says he puts little fight in pretending to even speak for Wei Wuxian's behalf when Jin Guangshan begins to sully him and conspire about him wanting to be a sect leader. He is meant to be the complete contrast in Lan Wangji and Mianmian trying to speak for his good-will, in fact he contradicts this by saying that Wei Wuxian has always been tiresomely reckless and uncontrollable, something that holds little truth as Wei Wuxian worked in trust for Yunmeng Jiang's benefit for years. Their actions simply are not of comparable fault and the end of the work (in the least the novel) makes this message clear. Jiang Cheng, as a character, like MXTX said is a product of following what his environment made him as well as him putting no fight on his end to amend that to be better and learn. Love is very complicatedly explored in this work in all it's ways and that's what is very beautiful about it. It does not shy away from the forms it manifests in. Including Jiang Cheng's who at the base of it, the rivalry there was as much one-sided as Shu She's for Lan Wangji, the layers of irony are the best part of the novel for each of it's characters.

As for fandom. I do think a lot of it is petty stupid discourse (oh and I have never said I am particularly immune to it, I am far too sarcastic for my own good and have a bit of a loud mouth when I see something particularly ridiculous for this fandom and I do not know when to shut up my filter). But, so much of it is coated within personal resonance towards certain characters which leads to feeling personally hurt, especially when the block features exist on this site. Multiple tags have been implemented to block for this exact purpose, yet their comes the takes that you can not use these sarcastic tags that are blockable because "it's not the right ones". Fandom is ever shifting and as such it is curated as much as you want it to be. Being ordered to not use these tags or to avoid posting all together is a moot point as well as demanding others to read how you want them to, even when the work textually supports or does not certain interpretations. As lovely as the thought is that "all interpretations are valid", logically it does not work quite so well when you attempt to push that on so many others with little helpful evidence other than flimsy fanon popularity (Ron the Death Eater And Draco in Leather pants are infamous fandom tropes that are despised for reasons). JC is not a case of questionable good for selfish reasons as in the comparison to Snape, he is simply a show of selfishness who has an ambiguous opening to do better, in terms of those in the future. Too much clout though is put on that idea when the work itself is not shy to say real good, kind, supportive people are hard to come by.

#mdzs #mo dao zu shi #canon jiang cheng #jiang cheng #I love him but he is very much a trash racoon king #fandom also needs to chill with is elitisism and faux intellectualism

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dylanlila · 3 years

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I don't like Amy and I don't like her ending up with Laurie guy. I mean, they're not really in love, she's just a replacement. But this is not a sassy thing, can I ask what you like about her/them? I see you talk a very lot about her/them and I'm a curious man!!!!!!!!!

Am I being annoying or a burden if I ask you to let me see your point? Maybe I just must look at things on another pov.

I'm anonymous cause you could think ew, a man liking Little Women concept...

Hey!!!!! I actually recognize my own way of thinking here, not when it comes to your opinion on the matter, but the approach taken. I tend to consider all the options before "closing the case" too so the answer is no. You are definitely not being annoying! And before I start rambling, I need to address the last paragraph of your ask aka 🧙‍♀️I NEED TO YELL AT YOU🧙‍♀️!!!!!! Because!!!!! Little Women is a lot about gender and how it's perceived, I spend most of my time here talking (💫screaming💫) about that particular aspect of the story hence there's no reason at all to judge you or anything like that? In case you're saying that in wish to manipulate me into liking you despite disagreeing with your initial statement: smart move.

If you know anything about my blog you'd know that I'm not that attached to the romance of shipping. I appreciate the beauty of a fictional dynamic regardless of the label anybody might put on it. The concepts of endgame and shipping in a classic sense are pretty irrelevant to me, I just need "my ships" to be a hundred bus stops away from boring and I'm hooked. That's how I feel about Amy and Laurie, I just don't care about romance of it that much. What does fascinate me about their relationship is how perfectly balanced it is? I always say that Jo, Amy and Laurie, at their centre, are incredibly similar people who aren't too fond of... well, being similar to each other. (which has a lot to do with the ambitious streak each of them has, though it manifests in a different way with all of them) Jo and Laurie shared similarities that led them to finding comfort and understanding in another human being which is such a big and important thing that meant an insane amount to both of them in an otherwise much darker adolescence. Jo and Amy share similarities that make them clash and Amy and Laurie... they aren't afraid to call each other out on their nonsense and are just as ready to point out the other's strong suits. They inspired each other!!!! Like... look at how open this conversation is:

Amy doesn't want the facade Laurie puts up for the world, she wants Laurie as chaotic and messy as he is! They've both seen the raw, unfiltered version of the other and loved each other in the face of all that messiness + both changed for the better. That's love! It also helps that they're such hopeless romantics at heart which allows them to be all extravagant and bubbly about it and not feel like they're "too much". (look at this they are. so gross.) As for Amy, I LOVE her. The funny bit with Jo is, she thinks she's a realist but she's actually a cynic, while Amy understands and sees the world for what it is (Jo is more focused on what it could be and what it isn't), faults and all and loves it. Here are some posts and writings I posted that express my thoughts on Amy more clearly because I think I'll lose my train of thought if I go any further with this:

Jo March & Amy March parallels

Amy March & Rory Gilmore parallels + magic from my side blog (I think this really captures the central reason why I gravitate towards this character trope (Rory Gilmore, Amy March and Lisa Cuddy come to mind immediately)"the world is hard on ambitious girls" summarises it quite well, to quote Amy herself)

my writing that's more of an analysis than a fanfic:

quick to see and feel beauty of any kind (a little exploration of Amy/Laurie, Amy centric with flickers of Jo/Laurie and Amy/Laurie, it's how Laurie's hopeful and dream-like notions inspire Amy's more grounded ones and vice versa)

flickers of light (in which I tackle Amy's artistic struggles in detail)

#amy x laurie #amy march #theodore laurence #meta #💌restless wind inside a letter box💌#little women

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ickle-ronniekins · 4 years

Text

black & white

request: from nonnie: ASDFGhjkl. Why are your fics so CUTE? 😭 Can I request a cute and cheesy George proposing to the fem!reader—and they’re wedding? 💜

desc: a love story unfolded via a timeline of events and colors. based on the song ‘black and white’ by niall horan

pairing: george x fem!reader

word count: 5.5k

warning(s): lil bit of angst, alcohol, some sexual content if you squint but it stops before things ~heat up~

A/N: this is just pure fluff. may or may not have cried at the cheesiness. idk. i’m a cheesy gal. can’t help it. i’m in love with a fictional character. sorry i went a tad overboard with this. also let’s pretend ~voldy~ doesn’t exist in this k? reminder that my requests are currently closed, i am merely working through the requests already in my inbox. i do not give permission for my work to be posted on any other platform.

Red

Red, hot fury swept through your bones as you watched him laugh hysterically alongside his brother. You balled your fists together, ready to throw a punch, but you knew your mum would lock you in your room until you were forty years of age if you even thought of throwing hands.

George Weasley was a pretentious little git. It was bad enough that he was your neighbour and you had to see him and his equally annoying twin in the village nearly every day, but what made it even worse was that for whatever reason, he’d chosen you to be on the receiving end of all of his pranks. His mother, Molly, was not for it -- she often gave her sons a solid tongue lashing, but it clearly never made an impact, for each and every day they were back to their normal mischief, seeking out ways to make you shake with anger.

“Weasley!” you squeaked as he and his brother ran back across the field toward their home. You loathed the idea of being in the same school as him in just two years time. At least here, at home, you could escape to your own house and your own room, far away from the boy who teasingly threw a red paint balloon all over you and your new dress. But at school, well -- the castle was only so big, wasn’t it? You weren’t sure how far away from him you’d be able to get.

You watched as he and Fred ran away, their giggles echoing through the air on top of the hill. You looked down at your ruined dress and screamed. You reckoned you’d never be able to love the colour red ever again -- not when it had ruined your beautiful purple dress, and especially when it was the colour of his annoying, messy hair.

Yellow

“I’m really sorry.”

He was standing across from you in the field. You thought about telling him that you needed to take four showers in order to get all of the red paint from your hair, and that your dress was permanently stained, but instead you folded your arms across your chest and huffed a bit. Not even magic could salvage it.

“I promise, I mean it,” he squeaked, as if he could read your mind. He seemed sincere, but he was always getting into all types of trouble, wasn’t he? Perhaps he was as good a liar as he was a pranker.

You kicked at the dirt, unsure of what to say. “You ruined my dress.”

“I know, I’m really sorry,” he said again, “it was all Freddie’s doing! I know he normally takes charge of pranks, but blimey, I told him it wasn’t a good idea.”

You arched your eyebrows up in surprise. “You did?”

“Yeah,” George told you. The wind ruffled the leaves on the tree next to you both, and you watched him tentatively as a big smile split his face. He wandered over to the tree trunk and picked at the flowers that were growing at the base. Then he turned around, marched right over to you, and handed them to you.

Yellow dandelions. You peered down at them, and then looked up at him in surprise. This wouldn’t fix your dress, but he was trying, at least. You noticed the dimples that appeared on his cheeks when he smiled. “Pretty flowers for a pretty girl.”

You couldn’t help it; you blushed and looked toward the ground. You picked a bit at the flowers and met George’s gaze once again. “You still owe me, Weasley.”

You both heard Molly calling him for dinner. “Okay, mum!” he called back, his voice echoing against the wind. He turned back toward you. “Promise. I owe you. I also promise to kick Fred’s arse since it was his idea anyway.”

A squeak of a giggle emitted from your lips and you watched as George Weasley skipped all the way home.

Blue

All of Ravenclaw house erupted into cheers as the colours of the Great Hall changed to celebrate the momentous occasion of your house winning the Quidditch Cup. It had been a neck to neck match against Gryffindor, but had you not caught the snitch before Harry, they would have had it in the bag for the third year in a row.

“At the risk of sounding like I’m pro Ravenclaw, I’ve got to say, you guys put up a great match,” you whirled around in the crowd and saw George standing in front of you. He had his hands in his pockets and he shrugged, clearly upset at a Gryffindor loss, but at least they hadn’t lost to Slytherin, right? “You really are a wicked Seeker.”

“Thanks, Weasley,” you said triumphantly, both pleased with yourself for winning but also feeling a little bit guilty for beating Gryffindor.

“When did you get so good anyway?”

“Hmm,” you placed your hand to your chin and pretended to be deep in thought, “do you mean, how did I get to be so incredible? I don’t have an answer for you, truthfully, reckon I was just born with it.”

Students filtered around you both, and you watched him laugh as blue confetti fell around the both of you and the rest of the Great Hall. Personally you thought it was a little much, but the captain had insisted. You met George’s gaze again though, and rolled your eyes.

“Oi, mate,” you heard Fred call. He reached his twin and threw an arm around his shoulders, “what’re you doing over here, conversing with the enemy?” You rolled your eyes yet again, something you found yourself doing quite often with the two of them, and Fred just grinned obnoxiously at you. “Only joking, Y/N. I suppose if anyone had to beat us, we’re glad it’s Ravenclaw. But if you repeat that, we’ll deny it, I swear to Merlin.”

“My lips are sealed, Freddie.”

You bid them both adieu before turning back to your house, celebrating and clinking your goblets of pumpkin juice together, and through the yelps and the cheers, you missed George say to Fred that he actually quite liked the way the Great Hall looked, all decorated in blue.

Orange

“How about you get to work on the ground Unicorn horn, and I’ll try and get this water crystalized?” you offered.

Today’s lesson was to brew the Oculus Potion, in the event any of you ever needed to restore someone’s sight. In an attempt to separate them, Snape had paired George with you and Fred with another Ravenclaw who didn’t look happy at all at the prospect of having him as her partner. You peered over the cauldron at George and said, “No worries. We’ve only got thirteen steps. I reckon if we keep at this without any distractions, we’ll be finished before the rest of class.”

“Better get cracking, then,” George replied.

The two of you worked in comfortable silence; you tensed a few times when Snape meandered by your table, peering down into your cauldron and scoffing, for you were certain that an attempt at any type of potion would never live up to his unrealistic expectations of two sixteen-year-olds.

A little while later, you realized that the heat emitting from all of the cauldrons was making the entire classroom incredibly warm. “Blimey, could he open a bloody window, or something?” you asked, ignoring the fact that there were absolutely no windows in the dungeons. George laughed and continued to add the crystalized water into your cauldron as you pulled your sweater over your head, leaving you in your white button down and blue and grey tie. You pulled your hair back off of your neck and said, “Alright, be sure to only add the water until it turns indigo, George.”

The poor lad hadn’t been paying attention, because your potion was far past indigo at this point. In fact, it looked as though it had turned a deep, navy blue, bordering on black, as George peered at you with soft eyes and continued to pour in the crystalized water, not realizing that he was messing up your carefully brewed potion. A snapping noise pulled him from his thoughts, and a slight explosion erupted from your cauldron and caused black smoke to cover George’s face and hair.

Most of the class began to laugh, but Snape angrily shushed them and sauntered over to the two of you, clearly giddy beyond belief that he was able to deduct points from both of your houses for causing such a ruckus in his precious dungeons. George wiped a bit of the soot from his forehead as you poured in the antidote and giggled.

“Merlin, I’m sorry -- didn’t mean to get points taken from your house.”

“Eh, it was bound to happen sooner or later.. don’t worry about it. Look! Good as new,” you clapped your hands together as the potion turned to the desired shade of orange before the final two steps. You met George’s look through the orange haze over your cauldron and asked him, “What had you so distracted anyway, Weasley?”

“Oh, erm -- nothing,” he replied a bit quickly. It didn’t go unnoticed how he’d stumbled over his words and immediately went back to looking rather intently at the directions. You bit back a smile and looked back down at yours too, unable to rid yourself of the nerves bubbling up inside of you as George looked up once again, stealing glances at you through the orange mist as nerves overtook him, too.

Green

“You had no right to do that! What the bloody hell were you thinking?”

George was standing across from you on the empty dance floor; the Yule Ball had ended abruptly and each and every student had filtered from the Great Hall and back to their respective dormitories, per the teachers. The two of you had managed to stay somehow, now more than ten feet away; you looked at one another with envy as a dramatic scene unfurled between you both.

The entire night had been nothing but a dream, up until that one dance. You’d waltzed in, your light green dress swaying beautifully near your ankles, your hand wrapped around your date’s arm. You waved to your friends, who stood with their respective dates as well, and promised yourself you’d catch up with them at the end of the night when you’d undoubtedly have stories to tell them of the most magical evening of your life.

Except that wasn’t how it worked out, had it?

“He was all over you!” George called, and you noticed how prominent the veins in his hands were when he threw them up in the air. “You said no, didn’t you? He asked you to come back to his dorm and you’d said no. Did you expect me to stand there and do nothing when he grabbed your wrists and tried to pull you there?”

George was right. You had said no, and truthfully, the way your date had grabbed you and attempted to drag you back to his room had really frightened you. You reckoned it was the firewhisky he’d drunk earlier that evening -- he wasn’t violent or anything, but he seemed desperate to get you there. All George had done was step in and stand up for you, so why on earth should you be angry at him?

You didn’t want to give George the satisfaction of letting him know that he was right. You were mad at him for other reasons, anyway. It should’ve been you that he asked to the ball, not that other disturbingly annoying Beauxbatons girl. It’s like he’d picked her particularly because he knew her annoying, bubbly personality and thick French accent would get right under your skin.

You softened a bit as you took a deep breath. “I appreciate what you did, George, but it wasn’t your place. I can take care of myself. He nearly knocked you right out!”

George winced at your words and brought a hand to his black and blue eye. He hadn’t even had the time to grab some ice and place it to the injury, and it was now rather swollen. “I don’t care if he knocked me to the bloody ground, I wasn’t going to let him do that to you!”

You couldn’t help it; anger took you over and you were saying things you shouldn’t have before you could second guess yourself. “Well you know what, George? Perhaps he wouldn’t have had the chance to try anything with me if you’d just bloody asked me to the ball first instead of that stuffy Beauxbatons girl!”

You knew your words hurt him, but you didn’t care. He looked as though he’d gotten the wind knocked out of him; he stepped backward and faltered a bit. His breathing became heavy and irregular. “You already had your date when I asked her, Y/N -- don’t you dare try and pin this on me.”

He was right, yet again. You couldn’t help it. Big, fat tears were falling down your face now and you reckoned you wouldn’t be able to salvage the rest of the hideousness that was this evening. You wiped your tears with the back of your hand and noticed the smears of black mascara and eyeliner on your skin. He inched forward now and opened his arms, but you backed away, still not ready to show him any affection.

You were being a git, but the truth was, you’d waited until the very last possible second for George to ask you to the ball. So when he didn’t, you begrudgingly agreed to the Hufflepuff who’d stepped forward and asked you himself. And as you walked swiftly passed George and up the steps to your common room, you realized that though you’d said yes, your heart had been with the Weasley boy you so adored the entire evening.

In truth, what he’d done was brave and full of love and passion. But you were still filled with hurt.

The green monster of jealousy that you’d felt when you’d watched him dance with his date was such a vice, but you just couldn’t help how you felt.

You left George alone in the desolate Great Hall as he let his head fall into his hands, pushing down his fury and tears.

Grey

You hadn’t gone back to him, that boy from the Yule Ball. You thought about it, but you figured you’d spare George more anger.

He’d approached you, your date, the day afterwards, apologizing profusely for his behaviour and how embarrassed he was at the whole ordeal. He’d asked you for lunch, only if you were okay, and you politely declined. “Friends,” you’d said, and he smiled pitifully, but gratefully, and took your hand in his to shake it.

It was so stupid, wasn’t it? Fighting with George over this. So he hadn’t asked you to the Yule Ball, so what? It wasn’t the end all, be all, was it? And he’d stood up for you, hadn’t he? When things had gotten a little out of control. He hadn’t been your date, but he had been your saviour.

It had only been a week since the dance and you two hadn’t said a word to one another. Fred had begged you too. “Come on, Y/N, you know he’s real sorry. Can’t you just forgive him? Blimey, it’s a right difficult thing to do, splitting my time between you both.”

You merely pressed your lips together and huffed. “He can come apologize to me himself, Fred. He doesn’t need you to do it for him.”

But later that afternoon, you figured, why wait? This whole thing was so dramatic and stupid. And so after rereading the same page eight times due to your lack of concentration, you jumped up from your chair in the Ravenclaw common room and made way toward the Great Hall, as fast as your legs could carry you. You were just going to tell him exactly that -- that this entire thing was dumb, and that you were thankful for him, and that bloody hell, you missed him. Perhaps it was a bit dramatic -- it had only been six days, right? You couldn’t help it. You missed him. You missed him a lot.

The thought of finally speaking to him after a very dramatic week apart made your heart flutter, and a very wide smile split your face just as you were about to round the last bend before the Great Hall.

And then you saw it. Them. Tucked away in a corner near a deserted classroom -- tangled together, George’s hands on her waist, hers in his long red hair. Her lips nearly on his. Smiling, giggling. Kissing him.

That bloody annoying Beauxbatons girl.

You stopped short and nearly tripped over your own two feet. You opened your mouth to speak but just let your mouth tremble in silence as you watched them snog one another. Her laugh was so painfully sugary sweet, you felt as though you’d like to rip your own hair out.

You were surprised how quickly the sight of them had sent your heart plummeting into your stomach. Somewhere in the few moments when you stood there in shock, your vision had become blurry and your face had become wet. You wiped at it with your sweater sleeve and sniffled quietly so they wouldn’t hear you. You spun on your heel and sped back toward your common room, wondering what the bloody hell had come over you when you thought of apologizing to him. You just wanted to get back to your dorm. Or perhaps back to your house in Ottery St. Catchpole. Stupid, silly girl you were.

If only you knew that George had spotted you before you’d left and froze solid in the spot he was standing, ignoring the forwardness of the Beauxbatons girl attached to his arm, his heart and mind chasing you all the way home.

Purple

The Ravenclaw common room was completely empty except for you. You always did this, though -- each and every year, you were always the last to finish packing. Not because you were a procrastinator, but because you hated admitting to yourself that another year was over, and you were another year closer to impending graduation.

Someone popped through the door and said your name softly. You turned and saw George standing there with a small smile on his face. “Hey,” he said, “train’s here. You almost ready to go?”

You groaned and looked back down at your trunk, now fully packed. “If I’ve got to be.” You felt like an absolute idiot that those few words brought tears to your eyes so easily. “Oi, here I go again.”

George laughed lightly and pulled you into a hug. “We’ll be back in no time, you’ll see again how quickly the summer holidays go.”

“But George, it’s our last year!” you cried. And then you took a deep breath to calm yourself down, because you didn’t fancy the idea of boarding the train with smudged makeup and a red nose. “Anyway, shall we?”

When you grabbed your trunk and headed toward the door, George gently took your hand in his and turned you around. “I’ve got something for you actually.”

You wiggled your eyebrows at him and clapped your hands together. “A present? It’s not even my birthday.”

But then you wondered if it was actually a present he wanted to give you, because he took your other hand in his and squeezed them, a serious look on his face. Your features twisted into that of confusion, and you’d be lying if you said that your heartbeat didn’t increase at the sight of him looking at you so earnestly. “What is it?”

“I’ve been a real git this year. Specifically, the Yule Ball. And a little while after that.”

You laughed and playfully shoved him. Though you still felt the sting of those few weeks, you two had managed to patch things up. He hadn’t lasted that long with that Beauxbatons girl anyway. “George, we’ve been over this, c’mon -- you were only doing what you thought was right. I’ve forgiven you, you know.”

“I know,” he smiled, and you could tell that he was equally as glad as you were that you two had placed that argument behind you. But what you two hadn’t touched on since then was what you’d said to him in a fit of fury: Perhaps he wouldn’t have had the chance to try anything with me if you’d just bloody asked me to the ball first instead of that stuffy Beauxbatons girl!

Of course he’d wanted to ask you. He’d wanted to ask you more than anything in the entire world, but each and every time he’d opened his mouth to say something, he couldn’t. Bloody nerves, and all that. Then he went and acted like a prat, making you cry, and he vowed to himself that he’d never make you cry again, unless it were happy tears.

“I realized I’ve never properly made it up to you -- not asking you to the the Yule Ball in the first place, and that time when we were nine.”

You raised your eyebrows suspiciously. “When we were nine? What the bloody hell happened when we were nine?”

And then he pulled from his pocket the most beautiful lavender pendant you ever did see. The circular stone was outlined in the same silver as the chain, and the sun flooding in from the windows made it sparkle more than anything you’d ever seen in your life. Your breath caught in your throat and you looked back and forth from the necklace to George, and back again.

“I ruined your purple dress, remember?” he asked you. He laughed a bit, probably thinking about the ridiculous way you’d looked with red paint splattered all over you. You couldn’t believe he remembered that. “Now, it’s not a dress, but seeing as we’ve grown up a bit since then, I reckoned you’d prefer something a little nicer.” He swallowed over a lump in his throat before continuing. “I never fancied her, you know. That girl from Beauxbatons. I just...” he trailed off, searching for words he couldn’t seem to muster up. You wondered if he could hear the dramatic thump of your heart, beating loudly in the heavy silence. “It doesn’t matter. It was you I wanted to be with that night, and long after. I still do.”

Then he brushed aside your hair and placed the pendant around your neck. You peered at him through blurry vision, and surprised yourself that you were now crying due to the tenderness of his touch and the emotion in his gift and not that you two were about the board the train and leave school, no longer the same two people you were just a few moments ago.

You did the only thing you could think of and you threw your arms around his neck and kissed him. You felt his shock, but it took him only mere milliseconds before he was kissing you back. In truth, you’d been wondering what it would feel like to kiss him -- the taste of him, the feel of your limbs entangled together, exactly how high your heart would soar. It was exactly the way first kisses were meant to be -- slow, and easy, and warm, the way it’s supposed to feel after having swam all day long -- your body limp and muscles de-tensing. You moulded perfectly with him, and when gravity (or rather, the first signal of the train’s departure) pulled you from one another, he peered at you with such affection that you felt as though you might explode.

You grabbed the pendant and held in gently in between your fingers, already having memorized the outline of the silver and the different shades of purple within it. “I am so bloody happy you threw red paint at me that day, Weasley.”

He laughed haughtily, throwing his head back before swinging an arm around your waist and pulling your trunk toward the exit of the Ravenclaw common room. “Merlin, me too.”

White

You were sitting at your kitchen table, ignoring the massive amount of work in front of you to admire your other hard work. Your cozy little flat looked just as you always imagined it would, with the added bonus of your boyfriend in the corner of the front entrance, fixing a loose coat hanger on the wall.

Never in your life did you imagine that things could be as perfect as this.

You couldn’t help but wonder if it would be a flat you two would share one day.

You got up and brought with you his half empty glass of wine and handed it to him. Gratefully he took it and sipped before pressing a feather light kiss to your forehead. But then you gently traced his jawline with your finger, down his neck, across his collar bone until he followed your move and leaned in to kiss you. It was soft and chaste and everything like your first one had been. But as the alcohol worked its way through your veins, you found yourself pressing yourself harder against him.

A moan of content escaped him as you bit down on his lip and slipped your hands underneath his shirt, hands pressed against his chest. Unashamedly, you pulled him toward your bedroom, and he placed his empty wine glass next to yours on the table as he kicked the door closed.

The two of you fell backwards onto the bed in an entanglement of limbs. He hovered above you, dropping down a bit to press light kisses to your neck, in between your collarbones, behind your ears, against your jawline. You so desperately wanted to feel his weight on top of you, and so you yanked him firmly against you and kissed him in a way that there was no aching way that he wouldn’t be able to tell exactly what you wanted.

He began to undo the buttons on your shirt, taking time to press kisses into your chest at the exposed places before he stopped himself and gently ran his hands across your hips, and then your cheek. His voice was merely a whisper in the deafening silence, “Are you sure?”

He gazed at you with such tenderness and love that you knew he’d stop, if you’d asked him to. He wouldn’t go another inch further if you weren’t ready. And for you, that was more than enough.

“I’m sure.”

He sucked in a breath and dipped down to press lips to yours gently before continuing to make light work of your clothes. He explored every inch of you, and the sensation of his lips gently grazing your skin caused you to arch your back in pleasure. You could feel him smiling against you, wildly in love, handling you with such care as if you were a tiny glass figure he was afraid of breaking. He held you so delicately and worked his way through each and every single one of your wants with slow and gentle hands.

You’d known it was love with him; maybe not consciously, but you’d known it long before now. Love, filled with intensity and desire and longing, in its most vulnerable and fragile form -- pure, and blinding white.

Pink

The summer air wafted in through the open window in the kitchen, and you listened to Mrs. Weasley hum some Muggle song as she set the table for dessert. You placed the finishing touches on the lemon meringue pie you baked, special because it was George’s favourite and Mrs. Weasley had insisted.

You had to admit, he’d always had the outside exterior of a tough guy, but owning a business did absolute wonders for his confidence. You noticed the way he stood up a little straighter, smiled a little bigger, and most of all, just how much he gushed about all the plans you two would be able to act on, now that you were both making income of your own.

“Merlin’s beard, Y/N, you’ve absolutely knocked it out of the park with this pie, if I do say so myself.” Arthur’s praise was nothing short of wonderful; you felt the tips of your ears turn pink at his compliments. By the way Ron slouched back in his chair, looking rather chuffed indeed, you could tell he felt the same exact way. Especially when he reached for the last piece, but Hermione slapped his hand away.

“Oh my!” Molly yelped suddenly. You jumped in surprise in your seat. “Oh, Georgie dear, would you mind wandering into the field before dark? I’d love some wildflowers for the table,”

“Sure thing, mum.” George replied before turning to you and squeezing your hand. “Want to tag along?”

You said, “Of course” at the exact same time Ron said “I’ll come along too, I could use a good walk” and if you hadn’t been so focused on George’s tender gaze, you almost would’ve missed Fred silently hissing at Ron and Hermione slapping his hand yet again. “On second thought,” Ron swallowed thickly, “I’d better stay here and help you clean up, mum.”

“Atta boy, Ronniekins,” Molly said. To you and George, she continued, “You two better get going -- not long now before it turns dark!”

George stood and pulled you to your feet. “You coming, love?”

“I go where you go.”

About twenty minutes later, as the setting sun had blended with the light purples and pinks of the sky, you’d found yourself with a rather beautiful bouquet of wildflowers for Molly. You turned to George, who was leaning against the tree and smiling at you, and asked, “Shall we get going darling? Don’t want to be too late. I reckon your mum will come out here searching for us if we spend an evening among the stars.”

“Doesn’t sound like too bad of an idea, actually.” His grin deepened, and then he said, “you’re lucky I don’t have any pranks up my sleeve right now.”

You look up at the tree and recognized the place where he’d infuriated you all those long years ago. You rolled your eyes and shook your head before twirling in your dress. “I am lucky. I was able to get a new dress after the one you so lovingly ruined. Though I will admit -- I wasn’t all that big of a fan of those puffy sleeves. This one’s much more adult.”

George arched his eyebrow in surprise before wrapping his arms around your waist and pulling you close. “Oh yes it is.”

You slapped him playfully and pointed your finger at him. “Alright you prat, calm yourself, you’ll have to wait until we get back to our flat for any funny business.”

But then you realized, as George’s features turned from mischievous to genuine within the matter of seconds, that there was definitely more pressing matters than funny business on his mind.

And then he was telling you how he’d only teased you back then because he’d found you so bloody cute, and how he should’ve asked you to the Yule Ball and regretted every single day that he didn’t, and how he’d never met anyone who could play Quidditch quite as well as you, and how bloody happy he’d been when you’d kissed him that day in the Ravenclaw common room. And then knelt down and he asked it, the words you’d imagined since you were a little girl, strung together with such fondness and emotion and tenderness that you weren’t quite sure how you were standing upright.

You’d already begun to nod quickly through your tears before he finished, but would he really be George Weasley if he didn’t tease you, just a little? “Say yes,” he laughed, “say yes and marry me and be my wife for as long as you’ll have me.”

He slid the ring onto your finger and kissed you and picked you up and whirled you around in the field and held you gently in his arms as though you were a precious glass figurine and he was doing everything in his power to hold you delicately.

“Yes. I say yes.”

Black & White

You asked, When did you first know?

And he answered, I always knew.

You both ran back up the aisle, your white dress fluttering around your ankles, his black suit hugging the curves of his arms, and into the field and away from the party, momentarily, to celebrate your first moments as husband and wife in the place where he’d figured it all out.

He’d known since that afternoon when he’d handed you those yellow dandelions that he would bring you back here one day, to ask you to be his wife. He’d known, in the Ravenclaw common room when he gave you that purple pendant, still dangling from your neck, that one day he’d also give you a ring. He’d known, all those long years ago, that he wanted to marry you, and that you would say yes, when he’d finally ask.

And now, in front of your friends and family, he’d vowed to love you -- love in it’s purest and simplest form, love -- with all it’s sentiment and emotion and vulnerability. He vowed to love you and only you for the rest of his life.

tag list: @mintlibri @georgeweasleyx @seppys-return-to-madness @fopdoodledane @fredd-weasley @iprobablyshipit91 @darling-details @laneygthememequeen @keoghans @helloallthethingsilove @waschbiber @acciotwinz @feffffffy @the-hufflepuff-of-221b @62442-am @wtfweasleyy @thoseofgreatambition @harrysweasleys @sleep-i-ness @shadowsinger11 @shadychaoticcollection @haphazardhufflepuff @afriendlyneighborhoodhufflepuff @kageyama-i-want-tobiors @letsfightsomeorcs @theweasleysredhair @purpleskiesstorm @hxfflxpxffs @wand3ringr0s3 @finecole @angelinathebook @highly-acidic @purplefragile @90shermione @zreads @susceptible-but-siriusexual @hollands-weasley @andromedaa-tonks @bbstrawberry0421 @princessof-theuniverse @cappsikle @mytreec @imseeinggred @idont-knowrn @flyingserpxnt @auroraboringalis57 @godricsswords @jejegu @annasofiaearlobe @starlightweasley @alwaysasadaesthetic @thisismysketchbook @izzytheninja @imboredandneedalife @hemmoporro @valwritesx @heavenlymidnight @hannolannno @msmimimerton @oh-for-merlins-sake @hufflepuff5972 @pigwidgexn @sarcasticallywitty15 @breadqueen95 @mycupoffanfictionreads | message me to be added or removed!

#george weasley #fred weasley #fred and george weasley #weasley twins #george weasley reader insert #george weasley x reader #george weasley x you #george weasley fanfic #george weasley fanfiction #george weasley imagine #george weasley imagines #weasley twins fanfic #weasley twins fanfiction #weasley twins imagine #weasley twins imagines #hp fanfic #hp fanfiction #hp imagines

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myhoneststudyblr · 4 years

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I often get asked for tips on various aspects of creating a studyblr and then how to grow it! It can be really daunting before you start if you don’t know how to go about it or what to post - I remember really wanting to create one for months before I actually built up the courage to make one.

This post is hopefully going to make this easier for you and give you the tips you need to get the best out of your blog!

Disclaimer: this is quite long! i wanted to make it as detailed as possible and it kinda got away from me XD

What is a studyblr?

study + tumblr = studyblr

A studyblr is a tumblr blog that posts anything associated with studying.

These blogs are part of the ‘studyblr community’, which is an online community of students who share their love for studying, stationery and their current lessons and study tips.

Why should you create a studyblr?

There are honestly so many reasons why i think that studyblrs are an amazing thing and why i can’t see myself leaving this community any time soon! here are some of my personal experiences:

1. i want to study! i have always been a very conscientious student and i have always worked very hard but i’m going to be completely honest with you and say that a lot of the time, particularly as i’ve been getting older, it has been a real struggle to get the motivation to do work. since i’ve started my studyblr, i’ve noticed a real increase in my desire to work because i want to have new things to post and talk about. it acts as a sort of outside external motivator!

2. my studying has got more interesting! when i say this, i don't mean the content. i’ve learnt so many new techniques and ways to organise my work that each set of notes that i do is different and i don’t feel like i’m doing the same thing every day!

3. my notes and handwriting have got neater! if you follow me, you might have seen a post from me a while back where i talked about my insecurity about my handwriting because i was *always* the person with the messy handwriting™. unfortunately, i am a perfectionist and i really wanted to have neat handwriting and notes. so my studyblr - because i wanted my posts to look good - made me spend more time focusing on the appearance of my notes and forcing me to slow down (this had been my main problem). now i can see a huge difference and i’ve reached a place where, even though my handwriting will never be the perfect font-like handwriting, it is noticeably neater and more consistent and i now love my pretty and unique handwriting

4. incredible advice about everything studying related! no matter where you are from, or what you study, it is possible to find advice about something that is relevant to you! people in studyblr are going through or have gone through everything you have and they give incredible advice on some many different things, from college applications and how to study a certain subject, to book recommendations and notetaking tips. but there are also plenty of tips on lifestyle and self-care, which are invaluable. even if you can’t find a post that helps you, you can always send someone an ask or a message and they’ll always try to help you out!

5. my mental health has got better and the community has helped me through so tough times! being a student today is hard and keeping your mental health in a good place can seem even harder. but i personally have found the studyblr community really helpful with this because i don’t feel so i alone. i know that there are so many mutuals and blogs that i follow that are going through similar things and i know i could always reach out to them for anything. i’ve also become less hard on myself and give myself significantly less impossible goals since i started studyblr

6. you will meet some incredible people. this was something that i wasn’t really expecting because when i started my blog i thought i would get 100 followers *max*. instead, i have been completely embraced by the community and have had some amazing conversations with people i know genuinely consider to be my friends. it is so easy to meet like-minded people who just want to support each other!

these are just the most important benefits that I've experienced with my own studyblr journey and there are so many more!!!

The 5 Basic First Steps

1. create a blog

if you are seeing this post i assume that you already have a blog! maybe you don't but luckily for you its very easy to create one. the main think you need to think about is whether you want to create a primary or secondary blog! you can find the differences between these here!

2. choose a URL/blog name

your username can be pretty much anything and can be a good way to show your personality, your likes or dislikes, or your goal for your studyblr! you can get really creative with your username and though most are, it doesn't have to be study/studyblr related.

here’s are some ideas that you could use when coming up with a username:

Your name or nickname

Favourite subject or your degree

Your dream job

Role models or fictional characters

Stationery

Brand names

Study utilities

Your favourite study snacks

COFFEE (this is very popular with many studyblrs... i wonder why?)

Your favourite animal

Basically, it can be anything! and don’t worry, if you decide later that you don’t like the name or you come up with soemthing better, you can always change it

3. choose a theme

this can seem like a very daunting task if you are completely new to tumblr but don’t worry! there are plenty of options and you can play around with this until you get what you want!

mobile theme: this is usually just changing the colours to fit with what you like and the mood of your blog

desktop theme: this is where it gets interesting! your desktop blog usually looks much more unique compared to mobile and you can add various different pages and really get it to look professional. there are so many different incredible themes that you can find that are free to use and can be customised slightly to fit your blog (there are also paid themes). you can also make your own theme (but i know nothing about this so i can’t really offer advice for that!)

4. find an avatar/icon

i personally think icons are really important because they can often be how people begin to recognise your blog when they see it on their dashboard and it can be a glimpse into what people expect

you can just use a normal picture for this: for example of your notes or something that relates to your URL or blog (eg a coffee cup)

however, you can also make your own from scratch! you can create your own icon using applications like Adobe Photoshop, Adobe Illustrator, Canva or Word/Pages. i personally used canva to make my icon (as well as all my banners for posts) and it is really easy to use and best of all is free! there are also people who have made icons for you to use (as long as you give credit) or will make them for you (sometimes for a small fee)

5. find some studyblrs to follow

this is probably the easiest step! if you know about studyblr, you probably already know a few blogs! just go through their blogs and see who they reblog or you can search through the #studyblr tag. i am also always happy to give recommendations of my favourites blogs (of which there are too many to count) or can try to recommend blogs that i know who study the same thing as you/are at the same level of study or are from the same country

Introduction Posts

i am a big believer in studyblr introduction posts! i think they are the best way to meet people when you are just starting and are the way that you get people to notice and interact with your blog.

what should you put in a studyblr introduction post?

your name or a nickname so people know what to call you

your pronouns

where you are from

your age

what you study

what level of study are you at (high school, uni etc.)

your hobbies and passions

why you made your studyblrs

what your goals are

tag some of your studyblr inspirations! (this is quite important because they will probably reblog the post and more people can discover your blog

these are just some suggestions and you don't have to include all of them if you are comfortable with sharing certain things!

if you want some examples of these posts, have a look through the #studyblr introduction tag! on my blog you can find that here!

What to Post

the beauty of studyblr is that you can pretty much post whatever you want and you will find a place in the community!

i love reblogging posts that come on my dashboard that i love or stuff from my mutuals! however, it is also really important to post your own original content because this allows people to get to know you and is probably the best way to grow your blog!

here are some ideas for what to post:

pictures of your notes

pictures of your current book

pictures of your annotations

pictures of your desk/study space

pictures of your food/ study snack

pictures of your drink/coffee

pictures of your favourite cafe

pictures of nature

pictures of your handwriting

text posts about something funny that happened in school/class/uni/your life

text posts about what is going on in your life

text posts about what is on your mind

texts posts where you share your journey completing a particular goal

text posts where you share your plan for the day

study guides

advice posts

self-care and lifestyle tips

essentially, it is whatever you want and whatever works for you!

When to Post

you should post whenever works for you! i know for a lot of people (myself included) most of the time you do not have time to post every day because that is a big commitment and that is absolutely ok!

when i first started, i thought that i had to post every day and it was a lot fo pressure! it was basically impossible to keep up because not only was it taking up a decent amount of my evening editing and posting my notes but also i didn't actually have enough material available to post! a studyblr should never get in the way of your schoolwork so try to fit it around this! post when you have time!

if you do want to have a more consistent posting schedule, there is a feature that allows you to schedule posts! so, say you have a bunch of free time on the weekend, you could schedule all the posts for the week ahead of time!

i would also recommend building up a queue for reblogs because this means that you again have some consistency in posts and you have new stuff quite regularly! (i personally always have a huge queue)

How to Grow Your Studyblr

the main thing i want to stay is that you should not be too worried about how many followers you have or how many notes your posts get because it really is unpredictable! i’ve had posts that have got crazy amounts of notes and i literally expected them to get hardly any and vice versa! i have no idea how the tumblr algorithm works so you just have to try and post for yourself!

that said, i know that it is really nice to have people interact and appreciate your posts so here are 3 quick tips:

use popular studyblr tags. these include #studyblr, #notes, #studyspo. you could also tag the stationery that you used, what subject it is and what level you at are (eg #high school or #uni)

tag other studyblrs. many studyblrs track certain tags and if you want them to see what you've posted and they will often reblog your post! i personally track the tag #myhoneststudyblr. you can find a post i made a while ago with some studyblr’s and their tags here! (note: this may be slightly out of date)

try and have a relatively consistent ‘look’ to your posts. you don’t have to follow a specific aesthetic but having some consistency in your posts can help people recognise your stuff. i personally keep my pictures of my notes very clutter-free (often just the notes and the pen i used) and bright. however, you can definitely switch things up if you want!

How to Get Involved in the Community

There are so many different ways that you can do this! Here are some of the best ways in my opinion!

send asks and messages to people!

i highly recommend sending asks to people, for example, if they reblog an ask game post or even just asking for some advice because they will start to recognise you as someone who is engaged with their blog and you could also learn something new about one of your favourite studyblrs!

messages are also a great, slightly more personal, way to interact with people. it can be as simple as messaging people to tell them you love their blog, or again asking them for some advice. if they do a post about a test or exam that they have coming up, you could even message them good luck or ask how it went. i have had some amazing conversations with people through messages and it is a great way to meet new people

just a reminder: always be respectful and polite in messages and asks to ensure that the community remains positive

reblog posts with a comment on their posts!

(or just add a comment, although this could be confusing if your studyblr is a side blog so just be warned)

this is a really nice way to let people know you’ve seen their post and it is always nice to give feedback. a comment can be as simple as: i love your handwriting! or good luck in that test! but that simple message reaching out it so nice to get! also, reblogging is really helpful to blogs because it means more people see the post

join a challenge!

ok, so i’ve had this blog for about a year and a half now and i had a pretty decent amount of followers (which i seriously do not understand XD) but i never got the same amount of interaction and involvement in the studyblr community until i created my #2020 quarantine challenge (click here if you wanna find out about this). i would get reblogs and likes on posts but i don’t think that i used to get nearly as much interaction with my posts with people leaving comments and stuff. furthermore, although i had blogs where we were technically mutuals, i didn’t really have mutuals like i do know where we actively keep in touch and check out each other’s posts all the time and stuff and that is honestly the nicest thing

challenges mean that you are most likely posting every day (or at the very least pretty regularly if you cannot manage every day) and this is good because you post lots of new content for people to discover. another great thing is that there is usually a tag that you can search for and scroll through and find others who are doing the challenge alongside you. the person who created the challenge also probably checks the tag out every few days and reblogs the posts

for these reasons, i cannot highlight how amazing challenges are for interaction and getting involved in the community!

The Golden Rule of Studyblr

🚨 ALWAYS BE POLITE AND FRIENDLY 🚨

probably my favourite thing about the studyblr community - and i know many others share this opinion - is that is such a friendly and welcoming place. it of course has its problems but this is a place whose ultimate aim is to support each other through our studying journeys! we are all here because we wanted to find likeminded people who we can make friends with and share our lives! therefore it is really important that we always try and lift each other up because you never know what someone is going through

Summary

there are lots of benefits to starting a studyblr so you definitely should!

it’s good to make your blog look nice and clean!

studyblr introductions are very important to start your blog off!

post what you like when you like!

tagging can be a great way to grow your blog!

don't focus too much on the number of notes you get or how many followers you have!

send asks and messaging, reblogging and commenting on other people’s posts and joining challenges are all great ways to get involved in the community!

we are all here to support one another so always be polite and friendly!

Other Resources

From Me

here is an answer to an ask i received about starting a studyblr (here is another one)

here is an answer to an ask i received about editing photos

From others

A Beginner’s Guide to Starting a Studyblr by @eintsein

12 Step Guide to Starting and Running a Studyblr by @emmastudies

How to Start a Studyblr by @caffeineandcoding

Advice for New Studyblrs by @studyquill

Starting a Studygram by @studyrellablr (many of the tips are the same for studyblr)

I hope this was helpful to any new studyblrs and even existing ones! As always i am always happy to answer asks and messages about and give any advice! If anyone else has any tips or tricks, please add them below!!!

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silvysartfulness · 3 years

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I've gotten a whole bunch of new followers since I started making The Untamed content about a year ago, and I think it may be a good time to introduce myself and this blog to the newcomers.

Hi! ♥

I'm glad you find this chaotic mess entertaining enough to want to stick around!

That said, if you don't feel comfortable with who I am and/or what I post, just unfollow at any time, no explanations needed.

I'm Silvy, I'm a Fandom Old, 40+, and have been involved in online fandom since the late 90ies.

I'm neurodivergent, Aspie/ADHD and some spare change. I hyperfocus on things, and love to analyze fictional characters and tropes, especially things to do with the messiness and complexities of human nature and emotion. At the moment, as should be obvious, I live in the The Untamed universe, especially the Yi City corner. (You don't get emotions much messier and more complex than that!)

I have always been fascinated by ”villains” - the people who don't act like others do, who are different, and who hurt people, sometimes without meaning to. (Sometimes very much meaning to.)

I love redemption arcs. I've grown to realize there's a this recent phenomenon happening online where people claim certain fictional characters don't ”deserve” them. I think that's utter bullshit, and an extremely negative and destructive mindset to have. People should always have the chance to change and do better. Everyone makes mistakes. Some worse than others. But while no one ”deserves” forgiveness, unless it's freely given, everyone should have the chance to change, move on and be better.

I have always been fascinated by fiction as a medium to explore the messiness of humanity. Of how people hurt each other and heal each other and grow either way. The mess of who people end up loving, or hating, or - bittersweetly - both at once. In my opinion, that is the very purpose of fiction – the mirror held up to explore our own humanity, without suffering any of the negative consequences of reality. Yes, that includes the really problematic stuff. Yes, all the problematic stuff. Fiction is not reality.

I have 100% understanding for people who don't want to watch or read certain things – don't self-harm by engaging with content and creators that makes you angry and upset! I also have 0% patience with people demanding others conform to their particular standards of purity. It's everyone's responsibility to curate their own online experience. Haters will be blocked.

I'm queer (no, queer is not a slur.) Non-straight, asexual, married to another woman for 6 years now. I'd say a majority of my best friends are trans or otherwise non-cis. If you’re cis and find trans/non-binary/intersex/non-gender conforming etc people strange and frightening, by all means – stick around! I reblog quite a lot of trans-positive content. Maybe it'll offer insights! Any TERF-rhethoric will be blocked and shut down on sight, though. This is a safe space.

I'm Swedish. Socialism works. Just saying. 👍

These are simple facts – if any of the above is a dealbreaker, just click unfollow and everyone will probably be happier in the long run. :)

The less problematic stuff: I'm a professional illustrator, though currently on more or less permanent sick leave. Despite sometimes crippling social anxiety, I also ended up teaching art classes - Life Drawing and Concept Art - at the local university, and was often told I was one of their most popular and well-liked guest teachers. I'm self-taught as a writer, though I am a sponge when it comes to prose and language, so for any skills I have picked up over the years, I can only thank those whose works I have read throughout my life.

I like trying my hand at most creative crafts; painting, woodcarving, glasspainting, pewter pouring, looking to try out resins soon maybe..? I take tons upon tons of pictures. If you know me better, you have probably been exposed to my random ”Look at pretty thing X I saw today!” photo-assault. (It's a love language. ♥)

I used to study archaeology at university for years, before sidling over into a creative career as a museum-illustrator, and then onward to other projects from there. It's amazing what a 100.000+ year view on humanity will do for your sense of perspective! People are people. People have always been people. We are all one people - and diversity in culture, ethnicity and language is one of the most beautiful arts of our human race. Our differences and samenesses always to be equally celebrated. (Now if we could only get better at looking back and learn from previous civilizations' mistakes so we'd stop repeating them...)

I like cats. And betta fish. And purple roses (I used to collect purple rose cultivars, before I got too fatigued to be able to take care of my garden properly. Some still live! Rhapsody In Blue is a trooper, if you want a really hardy purple rose! They can even live in pots, if you don't have a garden.)

(See, I told you I could never resist a chance to share a photo...)

I am very, very forgetful. I got my neurodivergence diagnoses very late in life, and by then my brain was so burned out, it's permanently damaged. Fatigue, memory problems and concentration issues are things I always struggle with. If I ghost you, it's not because I'm upset or dislike you – I either missed your message, or forgot about it, or just didn’t know what to say. I'm sorry. I'm trying my best. ♥

I believe in kindness.

I try to be kind and understanding, and meet others with patience. It's taken me a lifetime fraught with generous amounts of trauma to learn to feel strong, comfortable and mostly at peace with myself, and I have very little interest in conflict or drama.

That's about it, Silvy all summed up.

Wishing all you a happy weekend!

#long post #longpost

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pokefanclaire · 3 years

Text

Secret Santa

Hello everyone! I’m no writer but I decided to have a crack at a fan fiction for a ship I absolutely adore. Alfendi Layton x Lucy Baker. Also I don’t own any rights to the game, or characters its purely my weird thoughts.

This fan fiction has mutual pining and teasing but is pretty tame. I’m not entirely sure how to describe this!

Secret Santa

‘Th’ Prof always uses the mug I gifted him for secret Santa. It’s a normal enough looking mug with “World’s greatest detective” printed in black ink and the inside is decorated with a flurry of magnifying glasses facing every which way. I watched him unwrap my gift for ‘im from under the Scotland yard Christmas tree about a month ago and he ‘asnt used another mug from the break room since’ Lucy thought proudly as she eyed the space allocated for making hot drinks.

“Good morning dear Lucy”

Lucy jumped in surprise of his sudden arrival and twirled to see a tired looking Alfendi sporting disheveled placid burgundy hair and 3 day old stubble across his chin.

“slept ‘ere again prof?”

“.. You know you have to fill that with water Baker?”

He gestured to the empty kettle Lucy was absent mindedly staring at. Alfendi laughed light heartedly at his assistants morning forgetfulness.

Lucy stepped aside as Alfendi began to make tea in his favourite mug. He had clearly slept in the mystery room last night she thought, yet his disheveled, unkept appearance did nothing to calm the flutters in her stomach or the increased pounding of her heart against her ribcage from his arrival to the break room.

Noticing the heat rising in her cheeks from his close proximity she snapped her attention toward the fridge to fetch a lemon slice to add to his earl grey tea Placid enjoyed each morning.

The coolness of the fridge gave her cheeks much needed relief, and Lucy gave out an audible sigh of relief.

��’ere ya are Prof”

Lucy beamed turning around. She felt a solid mass suddenly press against her entirety realising the Prof was standing right behind her.

“Sorr’ Prof”

she said stumbling back a step.

“It was entirely my fault I apologise dear Lucy. Are you okay?”

Smiling shyly placid prof tugged at the back of his neck nervously.

“It were nowt Prof, why’d you sleep at the mystery room anyways?” smiling at the nervousness she now felt. “was there some new case?”

“Not at all Lucy, I just didn’t want to get behind on paperwork. And besides my favourite mug is here at Scotland Yard. I really like it, and what it stands for”

Lucy stared at her mentor.

“I think I know who my secret Santa was”

“well you should” Smiled Lucy “been the worlds greatest detective and all that. Piece of cake for a great mind like yours”

Alfendi drank from his mug maintaining piercing eye contact with his dear Lucy.

“...And my dearest assistant, did you happen to find out the identity of your secret Santa?”

“nah Prof’ It was a crazy difficult puzzle with no instructions but it looks lik’ sum kinda box. I spent all Christmas day tryin’ to solve it. My ma and dad had a go too, and my neighbour tried but nowt”

“I wonder who would send you such a thing dear Lucy”

Lucy felt her cheeks burn from his relentless stare. She couldn't remember the last time Alfendi blinked…

“was ‘t you? Prof’”

Of course Lucy had her suspicions with him been the son of the famous Hershal Layton. A Puzzle sounded fitting. But she was a detective constable and all of Scotland Yard would of known that she would find a puzzle an entertaining gift.. Had Alfendi been staring at her this whole time? She watched his sweet amber eyes flicker to a darker, more dangerous shade of yellow.

Alfendi grinned sipping from his mug trying to guess her train of thoughts.

“You know, I’m quite good with puzzles my dear Baker. Can I possibly be of some help to you?”

Before Lucy could answer Alfendi had crossed the room to her. She had just enough time to groan as Potty Prof’s eyes met with hers. From his slightly crouched position he leant over her shoulder and whispered into her ear.

“because I am… the world greatest detective aren’t I Baker?”

“morning folks!” Dustin called glancing over at Lucy and Alfendi with a raised eyebrow “Not interrupting summat am I?”

Alfendi grinned at Dustin, his unkempt messy hair bright crimson.

“You ‘kay Lucy Love?” Dustin smiled, eyebrow still raised questioningly in Lucy’s direction.

Lucy was inches away from the grinning Potty Alfendi’s face, his unshaven dishevelled look making the break room vanish from her vision as heat rose to her cheeks. She took an inward breath, wanting to answer Dustin quickly before suspicion took hold and everyone at Scotland Yard would soon be making fun of her obvious crush on her mentor.

“um yea Dusti’ ta”

she finally managed with an altogether strange look on her face. Alfendi smelt of stale cigarettes, coffee and old books, an intresting and all together appealing combination rushing her senses.

“I’m just fine” Lucy added. Convincing herself this time.

“are you Baker? Because you look a little distracted by something, or someone perhaps?” he teased.

“then see ya Lucy love, have a good’n” Dustin stifled a laugh as he exited the break room noisily jangling his keys. “young love!” he added from half way down the corridor.

Lucy’s cheeks were hot, She could only imagine how uncomfortable she looked to Alfendi as he continued to intimidate her at her eye level.

“Baker, come with me”

He turned on his heels without looking back toward the break room certain Lucy would follow. Lucy hesitated for a split moment, deep in her own thoughts before racing to catch up with her handsome mentor. Out in the corridor, she looked left and right for Alfendi assuming he had gone to the mystery room she skipped up the corridor after him. The door to the mystery room was wide open, with no apparent inhabitant in there she knocked on the door.

“Hello? Prof? Are you here?”

her calls were met with silence but she observed on Alfendi’s desk was the still warm mug of tea, steam escaping the rim. He had to be here, She felt herself falter as she leaned inside the room knowing that it was most likely Potty Prof inside, Lucy felt the familiar heat rising to her cheeks at the thought of her Potty prof, the original Alfendi Layton. Fearless.

Lucy scanned the corridor once more before deciding to search the suspiciously silent Mystery room.

“Prof?”

Hands quickly covered her eyes as the door slammed shut behind her, heated breath brushed against the nape of her neck.

“care to guess which of your dear mentors is here with you?” Whispered Potty..

“Th’ original of course”

Silence fell once more.

“what did you call me just now” twisting to be sure he saw her lips move as she spoke. “not po…did you say original?”

“aye, I mean ya were ‘ere first wernt you? What woul you like me to call ya?”

Dazed Alfendi stared still covering Lucy’s eyes.

“...and Lucy, you aren’t scared are you? Of me I mean. Us”

He moved a hand to the side, brushing through Lucy’s golden hair. She groaned as the familiar scent of the prof fogged her consciousness for the second time that morning. ‘Get it together Lucy, he’s your boss! and this sort of thing isn’t allowed.. besides he’s just teasing. He never goes through with it, jus’ leaves me hanging. He’s all talk, that Potty’ She managed to comfort herself with her thoughts for a moment before allowing one eye to gently flutter open. He stared silently as heat rushed to her cheek turning her a shade of crimson familiar to Potty.

Alfendi gently traced the outline of her cheek with his outstretched fingers casually moving his face closer to hers before lightly brushing his thumb back and forth over her bottom lip.

“what would happen if I.. We just…..gave in Lucy?.”

Lucy stared at him in disbelief, convinced he was teasing as always she roared with hysterical laughter causing her to lose her balance and tumble forward into Alfendi.

“If I knew it was so easy to get you onto my lap Baker, I would of trapped you in the mystery room months ago”

Lucy’s eyes met with his, smiling broadly.

“I know you Prof, its all teasin’ an nowt else”

“one day I wont be able to stop myself Baker?”

Lucy was left feeling confused at the look on the now placid Prof’s face. Well placid Prof isn’t one for teasing, she thought about the living nightmare her life would become if both potty and placid decided to tease her. Shaking the thought from her head she tried to stand steadying herself on the sofa, offering both hands to the Prof she helped him regain his balance.

“Sorry abou’ falling onto you there Prof! I didn’t mean ta”

Alfendi didn’t reply, instead he stared down silently.

“wa is it?”

Her gaze fell on what had taken the Profs attention. Lucy was still holding Alfendi’s hands after helping him up.

“sorr’ Prof!”

Lucy let go of his hands instantly, retracting her arms from his direction.

“….Lu… Lucy… can you do me a favour please?”

Still looking down at his now empty hands.

“o’course Prof, anything”

Beamed Lucy, hoping by now he would of finally stopped teasing for the day.

“Can you try, to be less… perfect in my presence during work hours. I’ve found it very distracting of late” Alfendi didn’t bring his eyes to meet hers, but Lucy giggled at Pottys latest tease.

Alfendi’s hair was a placid, pale wine colour. He looked up with dull amber eyes.

“I mean it Lucy.”

A silence fell between them.

“tea prof?, how ‘bout I make us a brew! Earl grey with a lemon slice kay? Or would the othe’ trouble maker like a coffee?”

Alfendi laughed sheepishly as Lucy skipped from the mystery room toward the Scotland yard break room.

“Tea would be perfect my love”

morning turned to afternoon, and then dusk as 18:00 flashed on Lucy’s wrist watch.

“I’m ‘eading home now Prof, would you like to ride together?”

Alfendi hadn’t heard the question, or ignored his assistants declaration that she intended to leave.

“Is the mysterious puzzle in your backpack Lucy or at home?”

“s’in me backpack, I like it a whole bunch and who knows when i’ll figure it out eh?”

“May I see it Lucy? If you would kindly accept the help of your mentor”

“Sure Prof, I would love you to ‘elp me get a little further with solving the puzzle. Can I grab you some food from the take out place ‘round th’ corner” Understanding Alfendi will tackle her puzzle for a few hours at least.

“May I suggest something similar? I need to return to my apartment building this evening to take care of some household chores, and shave as i’m sure you’ve noticed I failed to remember to bring my razor with me into to work these past few days”

Alfendi ran a hand through his newly emerging beard with a disgusted curl tugging at the edge of his lips.

“we could grab some take away, and we can cycle to my apartment and I can help you with your puzzle while I take care of my chores”

“I uh.. I like it the stubbl’ I mean Prof.it suits ya somthin wicked”

Alfendi looked over at Lucy his hand frozen in the rough patch of hair now inhabiting his cheek.

“Can you confirm please, the newly emerged stubble you like?” Alfendi raised an eyebrow at Lucy.

“wel’ I guess yea. stubbl’ or ‘least yours”

Lucy stared for a moment before realising she hadn't answered Prof’s next question.

“oh an’ take out at your place would be grand”

Alfendi didn't say a word until they reached the take out place near Scotland yard.

“what do you fancy Lucy? I mean from the take-out menu of course”

He grinned from ear to ear.

“’ello Potty, wondered if you were joining us this evening”

“Do you fancy something Italian Baker?”

“This is a chines’ restaurant silly”

He leaned into Lucy’s scarf sending his warm breath over her ear.

“I’m the something Italian silly”

“no, I don’t fancy any dam’ Italian”

“yes you do Baker”

Alfendi blew warm air over her ear and felt the gooseflesh wash over her exposed skin.

“yes you do.” he repeated.

The pair stood in silence: Alfendi grinning at her blush, Lucy pretending to be very interested in the Chinese food menu.

“now are you ready to order from the Chinese menu?”

#lucifendi #lucy baker #alfendi layton #alfendi #mystery room #lucy x alfendi

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icyxmischief · 3 years

Note

I honestly cannot stand the Loki fandom on tumblr anymore. This is the most toxic, hateful fandom I've encountered in a long, long time. I don't know how you've managed to stay for so long, but I've always enjoyed your content and wish you the best of luck going forward here. I don't think I've ever been so disappointed or outright ashamed of a fandom before, but this series has really brought a whole lot of ugliness out of Loki's. And it's such a shame, because it wasn't always this bad.

Friend, it makes me so sad that you feel this way. I know from negative experience in other fandom spaces what you're going through. It's really painful because we come to fandom with an earnest piece of ourselves that we want to share, project or INject, into characters who resonate with us, for any variety of reasons. This means each of us has a very personal, individual, and sometimes fever-pitched stake in how our "comfort character" is portrayed in canon.

This fandom angst derives from a couple of logical fallacies which I wanna spell out here, and from which, I hope, you can free yourself, in order to remain in a psychological space where you can still enjoy the things you love. <3 No really. I am a 38-year-old, successful professional, I have been around the block with fandom discourse and "grown-up real-world" intellectual discourse, and I am telling you, THIS is how I've "lasted this long":

1) Fallacy One: "Canon is the "most real" version of characterization." No. We don't even have to go into "Death of the Author, baybee" or Reception Theory or any of the other stuff in 20th and 21st century media crit to refute this. Simply put: you experience the media. The media exists in a wholly fictional realm anyway. The only difference is money/resources and breadth of audience. Your experience and, say, Kevin Feige's, or Kate Herron's, are all equally "real." Your Variant of the Sacred Canon (I DO think they're being that meta with the fans in the Loki series, yes), if you will, deserves to exist as much as the one Tom Hiddleston acts out on screen. You have a right to the Loki that exists in your head. 2) Fallacy Two: Seemingly opposite but often entwined with Fallacy One, as a defense/coping mechanism against Fallacy One: "My version is the 'most valid' version, and departure from my version equates lack of authenticity or effort, or, most dangerous of all, moral/ethical inferiority." No. We all have the right to the Loki in our heads. Now this one is trickier, admittedly, because the people who gravitate to characters like Loki tend to share his experience with social Othering/marginalization and trauma. That means that if you tell them "you're wrong, and stop getting in my face and being so aggressive," you could be accused (indeed, perhaps rightfully) of tone-policing someone who identifies with a marginalized group (racially, in terms of ability, in terms of gender identity or sexual orientation, etc). The best thing, therefore, for you to do is acknowledge that your readings of the "text" (here, a tv show) differ, and that you respectfully decline to discuss the matter. Even if it rankles you, don't engage. These people have a very personal stake in the media and in essence, it's kindest to let them depart to be angry in their own space.

3) Connected closely to the above, “What we condone in fiction equates what we condone in reality,” God, no. Much ink has been spilled by more eloquent writers on this, so I won’t expound. But don’t go there. Don’t fall for that. Lol. It leads only to misery.

Habits I would encourage, to avoid Big Fandom Wank:

1) When you see content you don't like, especially spoken in an incendiary or absolutist manner, block or unfollow. Do not engage directly. Vent about it in your own space if you must, or better yet, in private, to trusted friends. If you engage, which...sometimes it IS worth it to do so, if something has real personal significance to you as a consumer of that media, then be braced for people to be rude or even abusive, because human beings, especially in internet spaces, are messy emotional creatures who leap to conclusions without gauging for nuance. There is disagreement over different and valid interpretations of content, and then there is just being unpleasant on principle.

2) See advice in Fallacy Two re avoiding tone-policing.

3) Find your people and curate your dash strictly. This can be ten people or it can be two. Make a close-knit small group in a private space for all your sharing of ideas. Make sure these are people you trust, who, when you spend time consuming the media with them, make you feel better, not worse.

4) Unfollow liberally. Block liberally. You don't owe anyone your time, energy, or, especially, happiness. People will accuse you of cowardice or "running away from a grown-up debate." Let them. It's pitiable, in perspective. They're insecure and sad and they need to say manipulative things. But you know better, don't you? You're just preserving your peace of mind.

5) If you mess up, go quiet for a while, take a break from social media, and it will blow over. I promise. Delete anon hate (and know that you can block the sender, even an anon, on Tumblr, too!).

--------

Friend, thank you for your kind words. I'm so sorry you're so sad. I hope I see you here again someday. <3

Anyone who needs a boost can reblog this advice, btw.

#Loki #Loki fandom #Loki series #meta #sorta

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girlmeetsliv3 · 4 years

Text

Where Three Stars Meet

Sope x Reader ; PolyBTS

“We’re meant to be it’s written in the stars...”

Rating: M

Word Count: 6,046

Release Date: July 22nd, 2020 @ 9 p.m. (GMT-4)

Warning: The following contains material not suitable for all audiences. Includes murder, recreational drug use, homophobic slurs, smut, and toxic relationships. This is a work of fiction and doesn’t represent the character of bangtan sonyeondan. Enjoy ~~~

YN awoke to the sight of Min Yoongi staring down at her sleeping figure, that in itself would’ve been concerning if it weren’t for the fact that Yoongi’s clothes were covered in blood. “What happened?” YN threw the covers off her body and rushed to Yoongi, who simply stared at her with dead eyes before shrugging. “Shush, calm down.” The smile he gave her barely graced his cheeks. “Some homophobic pigs tried to attack Hobi and me. We defended ourselves, but things got kind of messy.” Even in the dark of night, YN could see there was far too much blood on Yoongi for it to have been from a normal fight. Perhaps Yoongi could see the furrow between her brows and the doubt that hung heavy on her tongue. For the second she parted her lips, he interrupted.

“I’m tired, YN. I just want to rest.” With no further warning, he began to strip off his soiled clothing. Letting it drop to the floor.

YN immediately jumps out of bed, gathering the clothing into her arms and heading into her bathroom. Thankfully her mother ran a late shift tonight, for the sound of the washing machine starting up would have roused her from sleep. Though YN’s mother was more understanding than most - even she wouldn’t tolerate a man in her daughter’s bed this late at night. In the silence surrounding her, YN wonders why Yoongi came to her of all people. Sure, they were friends but things had been different lately. There were plenty of other people who could provide better comfort to Yoongi in a time of need. He has Hoseok after all.

Warm strong arms wrapped around YN’s torso causing her to let out a shriek. A large palm covered her mouth muffling her screams. “It’s just me.” Hoseok’s dulcet voice whispered into her ear. YN huffed, as if that makes things any better, then pushed against the arms encaging her. Though the space in her bathroom was limited, YN sought to put as much room between her and the dark figure. Once her eyes adjusted to him, YN saw that Hoseok’s clothes were in a much worse state.

“What happened?” She rushed forward, hands gripping the bloody material of the shirt and jacket. YN couldn’t see any wounds on Hoseok’s body given the low lighting but considering he wasn’t flinching she took that as a positive sign. “Calm down, star.” YN glared at his use of the nickname. “We got jumped ‘took care of it.” He shrugged as if it was no big deal. As if the amount of blood on their clothes didn’t lean more towards a massacre than a petty fight. YN sighs, frustrated by the lack of answers she was receiving. “What are you even doing out so late?”

“It’s two am, YN. It’s not that late.” YN tugs at the end of Hoseok’s shirt and he proceeds to strip, handing everything to her. Just from holding it, she could tell the blood had dried. Great. That meant the stains were going to be harder to take off. YN reached into her bathroom cabinet and took out some peroxide spraying it messily on the clothes before dumping them into the washer too. Now that YN was facing away from the man, she asked what was really on her mind.

“Are you hurt?”

The only response she received was scoff and the small 'click' of the door closing behind him.

Hoseok and Yoongi had never been in YN's room before this moment, but they had already made themselves comfortable in her bed. The two of them snuggled up in their boxers while YN realized that though she might have been comfortable sleeping in a shirt and underwear with her best friend before - things had changed. "What are you doing?" Yoongi asks, right when she was about to turn the door handle to go downstairs. Surely it was obvious enough. "I'm going to crash downstairs." YN shrugged, though she felt uncomfortable with the stare both of them were giving her. “Don’t be ridiculous.” Yoongi looked almost upset that YN had tried to leave.

“Come here.” He held his hand out, inviting her to join them. When YN hesitated for a second the glare directed her way, had her practically running to the bed. Hoseok adjusted the sheets so that she could crawl in while Yoongi, always the tiny spoon, decided to switch roles today. Forcing YN to be sandwiched between him and Hoseok. Yoongi’s hand rested on YN’s hip bone while he finally made himself comfortable. YN could feel the softness of his skin brushing against hers. Not to mention the body heat that radiated off of Hoseok. Speaking of the man, when YN’s eyes finally met his dark ones, he winked. Suddenly leaning over her to peck Yoongi on the lips. Not wanting to see the smug look on his face, YN closed her eyes once more.

She was going to have to skip work, it was inevitable. YN couldn’t function without a full night’s sleep and here she was being awakened again. Hoseok and Yoongi stood at the foot of her bed now dressed in their clean clothes. It made YN wonder just how much time had passed, it couldn’t possibly be more than an hour. Maybe two? Hoseok looked at his leather watch before muttering a “We have to go” to Yoongi under his breath. The latter of which seemed to finally notice YN had woken up. “Come with us.” Though that suggestion was more of an order, considering Yoongi was pulling on her arm and dragging her out of bed. Figuring there was no way out of it, YN looked for a pair of jeans.

“Pack a bag,” Hoseok mutters without sparing a glance her way. YN wasn’t wearing a bra and wasn’t going to bother changing into one. Already aware of the eyes on her as she bent over to pull up her pants. Quickly she shoves her uniform shirt, toothbrush, clean underwear, and a phone charger in an old messenger bag. Yoongi thankfully offered to carry it and the three of them headed out.

The cruiser wasn’t as fast as Hoseok’s gsxr750, but it had the space needed to carry three people. Though it caught eyes, it wasn’t so flashy that law enforcement would notice it, something Hoseok thought of when purchasing it. The light blue c90t had been hidden on the side of YN’s garage where it blended into the bushes. YN remained quiet while the two of them fastened their helmets and silently prayed to not die as she settled between the two of them. The ride wasn’t a long one, though Hoseok lived on the other side of town, they were blessed with many green lights.

With the exception of the one positioned right in front of Chang’s Choppers. It was right in the center of downtown and it was a bit odd that it be so vacant. The lack of sunlight or anything similar supported YN’s theory that it was still fairly early in the morning. Chan’s regulars didn’t leave until the sun forced them too unless they were willing to face a walk of shame. Or be busted by the cops. They usually waited out by the alleyway, the one right next door which was a dead-end because of the ten-foot-tall locked gate installed in the back. YN stared at this alleyway while waiting for the light to turn, noticing a figure lying on the ground. Unmoving. YN assumed it was likely some drunkard, but the longer she stared at it the more unnerved she became. When her vision was starting to become adjusted, noticing details in the man’s clothing, the bike sped away.

“Are you guys hungry?” Hoseok asks, voice devoid of any emotion. YN shrugs not particularly caring, while Yoongi speaks up. “I could go for some.”

Nearing a twenty-four hours convenience store, YN expects Hoseok to pull up to the front of the store but doesn’t say anything when he pulls up to the side instead. Yoongi doesn’t comment on it either and YN notices that some feet away by the side door a tall man smoking a cigarette is watching them. Hoseok takes off his helmet, turning around and placing it on YN’s head without saying a word. Then he marches up to the strange man and begins to chat. Far too casual for it to be serious.

“Hey look at me.” Yoongi’s fingers slightly turn YN towards him. A signature gummy smile adorning his features which makes all of YN’s worries melt away. His sudden embrace catches her off guard as Min Yoongi is not one for public displays of affection. Then again he has been acting out of sorts recently. “I’ve missed you.” Yoongi tightened his hold on her. YN was so close that she could smell his and Hoseok’s cologne on his skin. “Why have you been ignoring me?” She could hear the pout in his voice and though she wanted so badly to be honest with Yoongi, the lie rolled off her tongue before she could even think about it.

“I haven’t been ignoring you, Yoongi.”

Of course, she had, it was the only option she saw. Yoongi had embarrassed her in front of everyone and damaged her pride. Though it was likely nothing more than a sick joke to the men, they couldn't be that ignorant of her feelings. Even YN's mother was aware of them and she could barely remember her own daughter's birthday. Looking into the man's sharp cat eyes YN could see the emotion hiding behind them and decided that no: Yoongi knew. He wouldn't be here if he didn't.

“You know why, Yoons.” Instead of giving her the response she so desperately wanted Yoongi only chuckled in response. By then Hoseok had come back, hands stuffed into his pocket. YN cleared her throat trying to push down the emotion threatening to spill. “Where’s the food?” Hoseok looked at her humorously, as if there were some kind of inside joke she missed. “At home. Where else?”

The building the pair called home was your standard apartment complex, the only difference was the side of town it resided on and the hidden fourth floor that Yoongi and Hoseok called home. It wasn't explicitly hidden, but the structure would make anyone believe it was merely a maintenance floor on the roof. It housed fewer units and currently, only two of them were occupied. One by an elderly woman in the corner and Hoseok's right in the middle. When YN had first visited, when Yoongi had moved in, she found it a bit eerie that he'd chosen one right in between two abandoned ones, but later found out the choice had been purposeful.

The apartment wasn't that nice, a standard studio, that Yoongi helped maintain clean. There were a couple of things here and there, but nothing that displayed exuberant wealth. Not the kind that YN knew Hoseok possessed. The second the door opened YN headed for the couch, limbs weary and mentally exhausted. Only to be stopped by Yoongi once more. "Relax YN." His fingers interlaced with hers as he dragged her over to the large king bed in the corner of the room. "You're far too tense." YN sighed, something had triggered Yoongi's neediness and unfortunately it was centered on her tonight.

Hoseok remained silent rummaging through the cabinets trying to find food. YN wondered what he thought of his boyfriend’s sudden change in attitude. Does it have something to do with the fight? Yoongi wasn't one to be scared by a little blood - or a lot in this case - YN had been around long enough to know that though Yoongi never instigated the conflict, he didn't flee from it either. "Finally." Hoseok pulled out snacks, drinks, and a bong. Should’ve known. That was likely what he had purchased from the sketchy guy. Hoseok stripped down to his boxers, throwing the clothes into the dirty clothes bin, and pulling out a pair of sweats laying on a chair.

“Do you smoke YN?” They know she doesn’t. The three of them have been together at enough parties to know that though she doesn’t mind being around people when they do it. YN would never actively participate. Yoongi takes off his shirt too, likely not wanting the smell to get on it, proceeds to lay on the bed. His long nimble fingers played with hers, toying them to a specific rhythm resembling a piano. When was the last time he played?

"C'mon Star, you're safe with us. Just try it once." How could YN say that she doesn't feel safe? That ever since the two of them showed up in her bedroom, bloody, and evading her questions at every turn, she had felt everything but safe. Yoongi and Hoseok were always strange, but today felt off. Still, whenever Yoongi's lips turned into an adorable pout and Hoseok's charcoal eyes darkened some more she was putty in their hands.

YN had already become accustomed to the smell - years of exposure does that to you. Plus Hoseok and Yoongi seemed to be in their little world, the latter laying across Hoseok drawing little stars into his abs. If Yoongi was lean then Hoseok was fit, but not in a way that made his body too hard. YN had never really seen him work out but knew he often did with Namjoon. Imagining Hoseok joining Namjoon in a pilates class caused her to crack a smile. Hoseok caught onto her and smiled back as if he knew what she was thinking.

"Here," he said, holding out the pipe for her to grab. YN takes a deep breath and takes a hit, barely managing to take it all in - at least she doesn't cough. Though YN was sure she didn't even get a proper hit, it seemed enough for the men who observed her with smiles on their faces. YN passes back the bong, thinking she's in the clear. She is until Hoseok takes a hit and blows all the smoke into YN's face. YN coughs, waving the cloud away, while Yoongi is rolling on the ground in laughter.

“I need to go to the bathroom.” YN stands up waiting until she’s turned around to roll her eyes. Before she can even take two steps, Hoseok’s hand latches onto her wrist. “Don’t take too long.” YN nods and heads for the bathroom, not hesitating to lock the door once inside.

“What the fuck was that YN?!” Wendy whisper-yelled, YN could barely pick it up over the blaring loud music outside the bathroom door. Unconsciously YN shrugged, her mind still reeling as she tried to make sense of what had just happened. Yoongi kissed me. “Holy shit.” YN gasped, her hands gripping the countertop so tightly the tips of her fingers were turning white. While she was on the brink of going into shock Wendy was at the complete opposite of the spectrum: she was raging.

“All those bangtan boys are assholes!” YN couldn’t help but agree with her on that. “I mean why would he kiss you in front of his boyfriend?! Not to mention your date.”

YN froze, her head slowly lifting to look at herself in the mirror, her cheeks were red and eyes wide. If she focused hard enough she could feel the racing of her heartbeat in her ears. “What?” She turned to look at Wendy. Her friend seemed to have misunderstood exactly what YN was questioning. “Youngjae was right there watching the whole thing. He followed you after Yoongi dragged you to the smoke room.” Truthfully YN couldn’t give a damn about a Youngjae. How could she have forgotten that Hoseok was right there? In front of them!

“Oh my god,” YN moaned, her hands running through her hair. This night had been the worst and now YN would have to deal with the fallout that was sure to come from the kiss.

“They always do this YN. Every time you get a date or a new friend the two of them pull some stunt. It isn’t healthy!”

YN turned towards Wendy who in her right arm held both their bags. Thank god. "Look, Wendy, I'm far too drunk for this conversation. I think I'll just head home." Wendy looked like she was about to say something, but was interrupted by the banging on the door.

YN opens the door to Hoseok leaning on the banister. "Everything alright?" YN nods, thankful that the red from her cheeks has finally gone down. "Good because I have to pee." Hoseok shoves her away and begins to pull down his pants, causing YN to bolt out the door. Back in the main room, Yoongi is scrolling through his phone, "Change into that." He states without even looking at her. The shirt is rather large on her frame: the entirety of her neck and some areas of her shoulder being exposed. It does reach mid-thigh though which is preferable to what she's wearing now. Quickly she changes into the shirt and out of her jeans, by the time she's done Hoseok is out of the bathroom.

"Get in." He motions toward the bed, knowing there's no point in arguing YN does so. This time facing Yoongi and cradling into his chest. Hoseok gets in soon after turning off the lights, his hand comes to rest right above YN's thigh. She looks up at Yoongi, but the man has already closed his eyes and she opts to do the same. Hoping to rest this time.

"My head is killing me. Shit." YN had to smile awkwardly at a couple of customers who turned to look at them in indignation. "Sooyoung, quiet please." The brunette turned to YN and sent her a reproachful look. YN ignored it knowing it didn't mean anything. Sooyoung leaned against the counter, her upper half resting over the register.

“I’m going to quit.”

YN chuckles, “Don’t you always say that.”

“I know,” Sooyoung huffs glancing around the store seemingly bored by her surroundings. It isn’t until she glances outside that a question pops into her head. “Doesn’t your mom usually drop you off?”

“So?”

“I didn’t know your mom had a bike.” The look Sooyoung sent her could best be described as mischievous. YN ignored her in favor of switching the topic. She glanced around and saw someone that went to her college, raking over the vintage magazine so violently he was sure to break them. “Have you heard from Wendy?” Sooyoung groaned, the two of them weren’t exactly on the best terms. “Last I saw from her was at yesterday’s party. Clinging onto your scraps.” That caught YN’s attention, “What do you mean?” Wendy had been ignoring her, but that wasn’t exactly out of character for her.

“She was all over Youngjae like a bitch in heat. It was uber pathetic especially when everyone knew she was doing it to piss you off.” Sooyoung laughed, “Should’ve seen the look on her face when you didn’t show up.”

YN frowned, Yoongi's distrust of Wendy popping into her head. "I didn't even know there was a party." Still, she found it weird that Sooyoung, Wendy, and Youngjae would be at a party without YN knowing about it. Unless… “Were Yoongi and Hoseok there?" The look Sooyoung sent her was enough of an answer, "Duh. Do they ever miss a party? Especially not when Seokjin throws it." Of course, they would purposefully exclude her. Whenever something occurred between them and YN, she would be treated as an outcast. A sick punishment they had devised as if her social anxiety wasn’t shit already.

Sooyoung glanced up towards the clock, "Oh your shift it up." YN raised her eyebrow, "I thought I had a six-hour shift today." Sooyoung nods, "You did, but I needed the hours so I told Park I'd cover for you." YN shook her head disapprovingly. "Oh come on, it isn't like you need it. Please, I'm behind on rent." YN relents and heads towards the office to clock out. At least this means I get to go home and sleep. Though there was that to look forward to, YN didn't enjoy the thirty-minute walk home she would have to endure. She waved goodbye to Sooyoung and hoisted her bag around her body, thanking god for the clear weather.

The walk home gave YN the much-needed solace she needed, time to dwell on everything that had happened. Something had shifted in her relationship with the men. Though their relationship was never conventional it wasn't anything that could justify what had happened last night. Though YN had a crush on Yoongi since she had met him freshman year, and though he had always been a bit possessive of her, it wasn't until he began dating Hoseok that things took a turn. Hoseok had always been a part of the group, but he never really made an effort to get to know her like the rest of them had. When the two of them began dating it was like Hoseok skipped all the steps and getting to know each other and went right into calling YN a friend - though he'd never say it out loud.

The three of them were always together and she was smart enough to know what most people in town thought about their strange relationship. YN knew what she thought about it. Min Yoongi and Jung Hoseok’s insight, though, was something she severely lacked. It's all because of that stupid kiss. YN adjusted her ponytail behind her, pulling at it to tighten the band.

As she was nearing home, the loud siren and flashing lights drew her attention. The patrol car dashed through the street and kept going straight, presumably headed downtown. Most of the trouble that occurred came from that area of town, which YN found ironic considering Kim Seokjin lived nowhere near.

The house was yet again empty and YN knew her mom had yet to arrive from her shift. Poor woman. The least YN could do was cook her a meal. She set her dirty clothes in the bin and headed straight for the kitchen, making the rice and seasoning the beef so that all her mother would have to do is fry it. She had been alone, all of thirty minutes when the banging on the door commenced. It was so loud it made YN jump in surprise. Quickly she walked over to the window trying to see who was at her front door, only to see an angry Hoseok and Yoongi. A sigh she didn't even know she was holding in left her as she braced herself.

“Didn’t you say your shift ended at six?”

Well hello to you to Hoseok. “It did, but they changed it without telling me.” She held the door open so the men could walk in. It felt strange having them back in her home - not drenched in blood that is.

Yoongi was quiet, but from how the veins bulged in his arms she could see how tense he was. She tentatively touched his arm and felt the muscles relax beneath the skin. “I booked a room for the weekend, Star. You should join us.” YN turned to face Hoseok, the expression on his face was unreadable. Even though this was her home YN felt the men wielded all the power. “When was the last time it was just us?” Yoongi’s arms wrapped around her torso embracing her from behind. His chin resting on her shoulder. “I’m not sure.”

"Do you have anything better to do?" Yoongi asked as if the only thing that would possibly make her hesitate was a previous engagement.

“No.”

"Then that settles it," Hoseok states walking further into the house and sitting on the couch, making himself comfortable.

YN turns her head slightly to look at Yoongi, her voice was hushed. "When are we leaving."

When Yoongi turns to look at her they are mere millimeters away. "Right now," YN asks for at least an hour to get ready which Hoseok grants as she races to finish the food and get prepared. In forty-five minutes YN showers, shaves, and packs her clothes. She decides to bring along a bikini since the weather has been warm as of late. When she exits her bedroom Hoseok is standing there with her phone in hand. "It kept ringing. Think it was an alarm." She grabs her phone but finds it weird that there are no notifications or missed calls. Not dwelling on it for too long she shoots her mom a text:

'Staying with a friend for the weekend. Left the food in the microwave and there's lasagna for tomorrow. Love ya'

The beach house belonged to Seokjin, as did most things the group utilized, but the area the three of them were staying in was a closed-off room. More like efficiency than an actual studio. Which meant YN was likely to be sharing a bed with the men again. Now far away from everything YN was able to think some things through. Particularly her relationship with Yoongi and Hoseok. She never enjoyed confrontation but figured this was one sleeping dog that could be awakened.

The sun had yet to set when they arrived, so while they couldn't use the beach, the pool was free-range. "I fucking hate the water." Yoongi groans, clinging onto the pool's wall like his life depended on it. YN giggled, which caused the pout on Yoongi's lips to grow exponentially. "Don't you know how to swim?" He looked offended by the question. "Of course, I fucking do. Doesn't mean I like to." YN playfully rolled her eyes. The complete opposite of Yoongi, Hoseok was currently swimming laps around the pool. "He's a fucking dog," muttered Yoongi. A strange thought popped into YN's head that had her going underwater just so Yoongi wouldn't see her embarrassment.

She almost swallowed water when Hoseok pulled her even lower, putting a finger to his lips while going behind Yoongi. YN went up for air, gasping slightly which caused Yoongi to frown. "You okay?" YN nodded, "Perfectly fine." If Yoongi didn't believe her, he didn't have a chance to voice his doubts as Hoseok pulled him underwater. YN couldn't contain her laughter as she saw Yoongi fight against his boyfriend like an angry feline. "What the fuck Hoseok!" Yoongi screamed once the two of them finally emerged. Hoseok only smiled teasingly, sending a flying kiss to his angry lover.

YN only laughed more, the bell-like sound drawing the attention of the men. Twilight surrounded them all around, the purple sky reflecting off the clear water doing a nice contrast with the hue of the skins. "What is it?" YN asked, once her laughter died down. Not understanding why the two of them gaped at her like that. All YN did was blink and suddenly Yoongi's lips were on hers. Pressing urgently, passionately, as if she contained the oxygen he needed to breathe. YN stood frozen eyes wide open until she made eye contact with Hoseok who didn't look the least bit upset. Instead, he gazed at them with fascination, then he nodded. The action so curt YN would've missed it if she wasn't paying attention.

YN closed her eyes, giving in to her desires. Yoongi's lips were much harsher than she remembered, but they were sweet. Intoxicatingly so. YN wondered if this was all a dream. If she'd hit her head or perhaps swallowed too much pool water. Her previous idea had proved to be right, Yoongi was robbing her of her breath. But despite the numbness, YN was beginning to feel the two of them continued the kiss until they were forced apart by their need for air.

"I think it's getting late. We should head in," stated Hoseok, looking in between the two of them before heading towards the stairs. Yoongi followed after him and YN remained alone for just a couple of seconds. What just happened? It wasn’t until Yoongi climbed out of the pool that YN began to swim, unsure of what this meant for the night. Hoseok had allowed for the kiss to happen. So does that mean that the previous kiss - "Hurry up, star? You'll freeze to death." Hoseok stood near the edge of the pool holding a towel open. YN attempted to grab it once she had gotten out, but the man didn't let go. Wrapping her in it instead while Yoongi walked toward their room.

“We should shower to get the bleach out of our hair.”

“Wouldn’t have to do that if you didn’t pull me under Seok.”

“You loved it, babe.”

YN trailed behind them silently observing the night sky and noticing how Orion’s belt loomed over them.

"The boys are coming over later," Yoongi said, as you gathered some of your clothes in your hands ready to hit the showers. "Don't worry though they won't be staying the night." YN's thankful for that. She enjoyed the guy's company, but she wasn't necessarily in the right state of mind. YN opened the bathroom door to see Hoseok in there peeling of his trunks. "Sorry, my bad." He chuckled, "Hey Yoongi, why don't we save water?" All the blood in YN's body rushed towards her ears at what she had just heard. A silent 'what' left her lips which caused Hoseok to smirk as he pulled her in.

"You don't mind, do you Star? Didn't you and Yoongi use to take baths when you were kids? So did we." The context was incredibly different from back then, but YN was smart enough to read between the lines. In a bold move, she said, "As long as you keep your hands to yourself." Hoseok laughed, leaning in. "Where's the fun in that?" His eyes trailed slowly all across her body before he turned around and dropped his trunks.

Yoongi came in just then, "Hoseok has a bit of an exhibitionist streak in him." He too then began to take off his shirt and fiddle with the strings holding up his trunks. They were eyeing her - waiting for an acceptance or a rejection. Good thing YN had decided to be valiant this weekend. She reached behind her back and undid the laces, sliding the top off before walking towards the shower. Despite the size of the room the bathroom was fairly large with the shower fitting the three of them comfortably, of course, that didn't mean she wasn't sandwiched between them. It seems they were keeping their word, mainly focusing on rinsing themselves off and using the soap on themselves. Then came YN's turn.

"Can I?" Yoongi asked as he held the lavender-scented soap bar in his hands. His hands were just a hair away right near her navel if YN breathed too deeply their skins were sure to touch. "Yes." Yoongi placed soap on her skin and proceeded to lather it in, moving all across her torso. It was only ever the sides of his palm, his fingertips, his knuckles that brushed against her skin but it left goosebumps in its wake. Hoseok was too busy ringing the soap off his body, but eventually, he did turn around. The other soap in hand, "Can I help?" YN could swear he even batted his eyelashes though that might've been the water getting into his eyes.

Hoseok dropped to his knees with little hesitation using the same technique as Yoongi to cleanse her legs and thighs. He always avoided touching her pelvis directly by millimeters, YN thanked hindsight for keeping her bottoms on. Though that might've been so the men couldn't see the absolute state of arousal she was in. Eventually, Yoongi reached her breasts, lathering up his hands before gently massaging them. YN gasped as a soft mewl escaped her, she leaned back against Yoongi's chest. He didn't comment simply continuing the motions despite YN feeling the effect she was having on him on her backside.

"Take them off," Hoseok spoke as he rose to his full height, soap still in hand. YN hooked her fingers at the side and dragged them down slowly, allowing them to slide down her soap-ridden legs before kicking them to the side. Hoseok kissed her cheek as a reward. Then he cleaned the areas he hadn't been able to before, being extra careful with the inside of her thighs and hips while entirely avoiding her core. The water was beginning to get too hot, the fog filling up the bathroom warming YN.

“Guys.” Hoseok’s hands reached towards her back gripping her ass tightly, before beginning to massage it as well. It's too much. Far too much, but she couldn't get them to stop. Didn't want to. The heat was making YN disoriented and she blinked several times to clear her vision. Finally, she felt it: the pressure and then the release. Her body slackened slightly and Hoseok and Yoongi held her up. Before the former unclipped the showerhead from the wall and rinsed YN off. They helped her get dressed, YN assumed her sudden exhaustion must have been from the long day.

Thankfully she was able to walk to bed all on her own. Laying under the sheets, while the two of them finished getting dressed. "We're going to get food. We'll be right back." Hoseok stated, before leaning over and planting a peck on her lips. That would've been enough to wake her up, was she not already half-asleep.

“You’re the brightest thing in this town YN. You shine like a star and deserve so much more.”

Loud blaring had YN jumping out the bed as she looked around the room for the source of the noise. She saw her phone vibrating violently against the countertop and ran to get it, worried it might be her mother calling. Instead, it was an unfamiliar number. Hesitantly she picked up and put it against her ear.

“Hello?”

“YN!” Wendy’s loud voice caused her to wince. “Why...you….calls-”

"Hold on Wendy," YN checked her signal and sure enough only she only saw one little bar. "Let me go outside because you're cutting off." She walked towards the door unlocking it but leaving it propped open. Outside the summer air was cool - a strong distinction from this afternoon. "What's going on?"

“Why have you been dodging my calls? I’ve been trying to get into contact with you since this morning.”

“I swear this is the first time I’ve gotten a call all day.” YN paused to look at the number, “Why aren’t you calling me from yours?”

“Cause the calls aren’t going through. Are you mad at me? Did you block me?”

YN shook her head, “What? Of course not Wendy!”

“Well whatever,” Wendy sounded anxious. Though she was typically loud, YN had never heard her like this. Scared. “Youngjae is dead.”

She felt her phone slipping her hand and tightened her grip. “What?” Instead of Youngjae’s face popping into her head, an image of bloody Hoseok and Yoongi did.

“They found his body this morning beside Chan’s place. All cut up and disfigured like in the movies.”

YN was finding it difficult to breathe. T-the body in the alleyway. It wasn’t a drunkard sleeping. It was Youngjae. YN had seen his body in the alleyway and -

“...he left the party last night pretty early after the fight. I don’t even know why he would be near Chan’s since he lives nowhere near.”

That piqued her interest, “Fight? What fight?”

Now it was Wendy’s turn to be silent. “YN…”

"Goddammit, Wendy just tell me." She didn't want it to be true. It couldn't be true. They wouldn’t. Would they?

“When you left the party the other day Youngjae got upset that Yoongi kissed you and called Hoseok and him freaks and fags. They ignored him but yesterday at the party…”

YN recalled Yoongi’s words: “Some homophobic pigs tried to attack Hobi and me.”

“YN. Hoseok and Yoongi are the prime suspects.”

YN could hear the motor of the bike being turned off and the steps climbing up the stairs. “Star?”

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ladyherenya · 3 years

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This was more-books-than-sometimes month, because rather than take the time to write about the books I'd finished, I just read more books! Also, I read a lot over the Easter break, including some shorter books and a very binge-able series.

Also read: Two-Step and Someone Like Me by Stephanie Fournet, Hooked by Cathy Yardley, “Cloudy with a Chance of Dropbears” and “All the Different Shades of Blue” by W.R. Gingell, and “Home: Habitat, Range, Niche, Territory” by Martha Wells.

Reread: A Curse So Dark and Lonely by Brigid Kemmerer.

Total: nineteen novels (including two audiobooks and one reread), one novella collection, two novellas, two novelettes and one short story.

Cover thoughts: Bellewether’s blue cover is (unsurprisingly) my favourite. I also really like The Ghosts of Sherwood.

Still reading: A Portrait of Loyalty by Roseanna M. White and Playing Hearts by W.R. Gingell.

Next up: Torch by R.J. Anderson.

My full reviews are on Dreamwidth and LibraryThing.

The Rose Code by Kate Quinn (narrated by Saskia Maarleveld): Historical mystery about three young women who worked at Bletchley Park during WWII.

My favourite out of the books I’ve read so far this year. Most of the narrative is set during the war, but interspersed with sections set in 1947 -- when Beth, in a sanitarium after a breakdown, has sent her two estranged friends a coded message begging for help. I loved this, but at times found it stressful and heartbreaking! The writing is so lively and effective and emotional. 4½ ★

Castle Charming by Tansy Raynor Roberts: Fairytale retellings, collection of novellas.

A very entertaining and a somewhat different take on fairytales, focusing on the reporters, Royal Hounds and royalty at Castle Charming. Some of the character dynamics felt similar to those in Roberts’ Unreal Alchemy although I didn’t feel quite as attached to these characters. I’ll read the sequel. 3 ★

Bellewether by Susanna Kearsley: Historical and contemporary fiction, set in Long Island during the so-called Seven Years War in 1759 and the present day.

Alternates between a curator overseeing turning a house in a museum and some of the house’s previous occupants, including a French-Canadian Lieutenant awaiting hostage exchange. Despite the various tensions the characters face, there’s something slow and ultimately gentle about this story. Which is lovely -- I enjoyed the picturesque sense of place and astute observations of people -- but it is less dramatic than I was expecting. 3½ ★

Happy Trail by Daisy Prescott: Contemporary romance, set on the Appalachian Trail.

A park ranger and a hiker shelter together during a storm. I was fascinated by the insight into hiking the Appalachian Trail and enjoyed some of the characters’ interactions, although I thought the way the romance unfolded was somewhat anticlimactic. Not always what I wanted, but I don't regret reading it.

Legacy by Stephanie Fournet: Contemporary enemies-to-roommates-to-lovers.

Wes offers to move in with his late-best friend’s girlfriend to help her out financially. This sort of hurt/comfort appeals to me. I liked how seriously this story takes Corinne’s messy, consuming grief. I don’t really want to spend any more time with the characters, but I was very invested in seeing them reach a better place in their lives.

Two-Step by Stephanie Fournet: Contemporary romance between an actress and a dance instructor. I enjoyed reading this. I particularly enjoyed how Beau helps Iris with her anxiety about dancing and with her controlling mother/manager. He’s very supportive and understanding! But I finished this with a niggling feeling of dissatisfaction -- Iris needed more opportunity to support Beau in turn.

Someone Like Me by Stephanie Fournet: Contemporary romance between a yoga instructor and her new neighbour, who has just got out of prison.

This one didn’t particularly appeal to me. Although interesting to see the experiences of someone recently released from prison, the romance developed too quickly.

(No, I didn’t read all three of these back-to-back!)

Hooked by Cathy Yardley: Contemporary fandom-y romance novella, set near Seattle. Takes place during Level Up and is about two of Tessa’s colleagues.

I enjoyed the characters' interactions and would have liked this more if it hadn't felt rushed.

The Ghosts of Sherwood by Carrie Vaughn: Historical Robin Hood retelling, novella.

Exactly what I wanted! It alternates between Robin and Marian’s eldest daughter, Mary, and Marian herself. I liked seeing Robin and Marian as a long-married couple, who still love each other and still have disagreements. And the dynamic between their children gave me a zing of recognition, reminding me of my siblings. 3½ ★

The City Between by W.R. Gingell: Australian YA urban fantasy (murder) mysteries. Set in Hobart.

I ended up enjoying this series so much more than I’d expected to!

Between Jobs: After a neighbour is murdered, our seventeen-year-old orphaned narrator acquires some unexpected housemates -- two fae, one vampire. Once I got past the opening, with its tales of murder, the worldbuilding intrigued me. I still wasn’t sure what I thought about her housemates or the fact that they call her “Pet”, but was willing to reserve judgement until I’d read more. 3 ★

Between Shifts: About supermarket shifts and shapeshifters. Pet and JinYeong go undercover at the local grocery store. This is a reasonable murder mystery. I was initially disappointed with how something played out (but in retrospect can see how that was actually a positive development for Pet). It ended on a cliffhanger, so I was extra motivated to start the next book. 2½ ★

Between Floors: This is where the series took off, because things suddenly get personal! One of her fae housemates has been captured and the closest any of them get to finding Athelas is Pet contacting him in her dreams.This raises a lot of interesting questions, not just about Pet’s abilities, but about her relationship with her housemates. How much does she trust them and how much do they value Pet’s personhood? 3½ ★

Between Frames: Pet’s housemates are hired to investigate a series of fae deaths around Hobart, which involves scrutinising some baffling security footage. Another solid murder mystery. The final pages felt like one step forward, two steps back, but yet again, in retrospect, this was a positive development. I’m glad I could dive immediately into the next book. 3 ★

Between Homes: Pet has moved in with some friends. Hurray for Pet having friends! I think this was the point where I started to feel comfortable with Pet calling herself Pet -- when it's the name used by people she likes and trusts and who don’t view her as a pet at all. 3½ ★

“Cloudy with a Chance of Dropbears” (novelette): An awesome title and an entertaining opportunity to see Pet from someone else’s perspective -- moreover, someone who doesn’t know her or what she’s capable of. 3 ★

Between Walls: Pet’s friend Morgana is worried about an online friends and asks Pet and co to investigate his disappearance. Along the way, they discover that there are human groups who actually know a lot about Behindkind. I am also becoming increasingly entertained by the Korean vampire. 3 ★

“All the Different Shades of Blue” (novelette): A great cover and it explains who that guy at the cafe is, but otherwise didn’t really do anything Cloudy with a Chance of Dropbears hadn’t already done -- ie., show us Pet from someone else’s perspective. Most of the time, I have enjoyed this series all the more for binging it, but I suspect this particular story would have worked better if I had read it after a period of absence. 2½ ★

Between Cases: My favourite of these have been the ones where things get personal, and this involves a lot of revelations about who Pet is -- from a fae perspective -- and why her parents were murdered. I enjoyed this one a lot. 3½ ★

The Duke of Olympia Meets His Match by Juliana Gray: Historical espionage romance novella, set in 1893 onboard an ocean liner travelling to England. Apparently not the Duke’s first appearance in Gray’s fiction.

I liked the idea here much better than the execution. I liked Penelope, a fifty-year-old widow dependent upon her position as a governess, and I enjoyed her interactions with the older Duke of Olympia. But parts of the spy plot were rushed or confusing, and the resolution was almost-but-not-entirely satisfying. 2½ ★

A Vow So Bold and Deadly by Brigid Kemmerer: Fantasy. Follows on from the fairytale-retelling A Curse So Dark and Lonely and its sequel, A Heart So Fierce and Broken.

If this is meant as a conclusion to a trilogy, then the ending was a bit too anticlimactic, with a few too many loose ends, to be really satisfying. But I reached the end feeling positive about the story, because I really enjoyed the characters’ interactions. All of the protagonists have to deal with conflict in relationships. I loved the times when they each navigate these conflicts by acting fairly and communicating honestly, when doing so is often difficult and complicated. That’s realistic and satisfying. 3½ ★

“Home: Habitat, Range, Niche, Territory” by Martha Wells: Science-fiction short story. Part of The Murderbot Diaries series, set after Exit Strategy.

Very, very short but I really liked seeing things from Dr Ayda Mensah’s (third person) perspective. 3½ ★

Emily of Deep Valley by Maud Hart Lovelace: Historical coming-of-age fiction, set in Minnesota in 1912-3.

I am very glad to finally have read this! It’s delightful, a fascinating insight into community life in a Minnesotan town, and it effectively captures the emotional experience of navigating a period of transition. After high school, Emily’s friends leave for college, but Emily has to find her own path to purposefully fill her time, build connections and further her education. 4 ★

On Wings of Devotion by Roseanna M. White (narrated by Susan Lyons): Romantic historical mystery, set in London during 1918. Christian fiction. Features characters from The Number of Love.

Arabelle Denler is a nurse working in a London hospital; Phillip Camden is an airman now working for British Intelligence. I enjoyed their interactions, especially once they start to get to know each other. I didn’t like the antagonist’s contribution to this narrative -- between the dangers of wartime and the protagonists’ respective issues, there’s enough tension without her. But what I enjoyed about this story outweighed what I didn’t. 3½ ★

Our Darkest Night by Jennifer Robson: Historical fiction set during the Nazi occupation of Italy in WWII.

Nina, a young Jewish woman from Venice, goes into hiding by pretending she’s married to Nico, a Catholic farmer. Robson’s strength lies in pairing details of daily life with likeable characters, realistic dialogue and a sweet romance. I read this quickly and eagerly. But if the characters had been more nuanced, more complex, or if their emotions had been conveyed more vividly, I likely would have found reading this a more emotional experience. 3½ ★

#Herenya reviews books

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