#i always thought i was just projecting but i've seen some people share the same idea!

[electricb00]

bad habits

[olderthannetfic]

Bridgerton being a big hetfic fandom both makes sense having watched the show, and also in why so many of them are throwing massive homophobic tantrums about characters being queer and even the POSSIBILITY of having to share fandom space with M/M and (for some reason, especially) F/F shippers.

(Like, seriously, for all the weird slash vs. femslash infighting here, no one hates lesbians more and makes me as a lesbian feel more uncomfortable in fandom, than straight women who exclusively ship het. The kind of "lesbians are predatory/the same as straight men" type of shit that you thought you left back somewhere in the 80s is unreal. Like one of the big things that the Bridgerton homophobes are claiming for why that new canon F/F romance is so "unjust" is because the current showrunner is a queer woman, so they're insisting she's "projecting" on to the romance and wants to fuck that character? Because gay people don't ever write stuff unless we see ourselves in it, obviously. I don't think there's anything wrong with projection in writing or in wanting to fuck characters, but I do wonder if some people realize how homophobic it is to insist that is ALWAYS the case when queer writers write queer characters.

...ANd of course, from what I've seen from the straight women in that fandom, pretty fucking rich for them to be saying that is all I have to say.

FYI they barely know bisexuals exist. It's actually amazing how much the idea of someone being attracted to more than one gender is just inconceivable to these people.)

--

A few years ago, someone actually told me she didn't really believe bisexuals existed. With her actual mouth. In public.

Some people really are stuck in the 80s.

[dengswei]

your gifsets are perfect, I'm always in awe of what you can do and you're creativity!!! Could you please explain how you made the broken glass gif with different gif in it on photopea? https://www.tumblr.com/dengswei/754916132337729536/userdramas-creator-bingo-green-asiandramanet?source=share and would it be possible to do something similar with other shapes? Thank you for your lovely creations <33

heyy thanks so much!! and of course! i have to admit the way i do it might be a little bit tedious compared to like everyone else (though i don't know how photoshop users or other photopea users might do it 🤣) okay this is gonna end up being so long because of the way i do it so i'm sorry about that and i hope it makes sense 😭

okay i have to admit i couldn't find the texture i've seen people use for the shattered glass effect so i actually used a photopea default brush from this pack

to download the brush set go to window -> plugins -> brush and then search for wall cracks brush (it's literally the only wall related brush set in photopea so it'll show up the moment you download it)

so for the gif i did above i did my giffing the usual way of creating & colouring for different gifs seperatly and then adding them all to one project (it doesn't have to be 4 gifs i just chose 4 because that's what i wanted to show in this gif)

i've done this twice once for this set and another time for this the blood of youth set and i have to say the most important part of this is keep multiple versions of the brush in the position you want as you can so once you've used it to test it out and you like that version keep it because unless you can manage to position the brush in the exact same place every time you're gonna need to reference those (or even use the magic wand tool for it later) and also you need to keep at least a white on black background version for the outline

in the brush pack the one i used was this one: (3564, crack b 9)

for this part i just say play around with both positioning and sizing of the brush, it automatically opens with the size 3000+ which is fine i think with the tushan jing one (the green gif above) i stuck with that size and just kept clicking around until i got the positioning i wanted (this is another reason why i said what i said in the paragraph above because if the brush size is bigger than 1000 it's doesn't come out in the exact positioning as you expect it too

i decide the positioning of the gifs on the way i like the brick brush looking rather than the other way around, this is the positioning i went with if you're curious & would like to use it if that's easier 🤣

you'll need to keep this as a seperate layer at the top, i had it set to screen and then added a colour fill layer clipped on later so that i had the outline for when i was masking

so to start off i have the base gif which i do nothing to, that stays as it is, with the brush layer above set to screen

next is where you want to position your other gifs it may benefit to figure this out all at first before doing any of the masking so you know which parts you want to erase and which parts you want to keep

so this is what i decided with my positioning looking at where each of the cracks are

now comes the tedious part, in some ways the way i do this is a lot similar to how i do grid but it's not as easy (for grid photopea automatically locks onto the squares making it easier to mask, here you have to do it all manually)

first put a raster mask on all of the other gifs except for the base gif & use the magic wand tool on the brush layer so you get the outline of the brush and you mask that away from your gif (so if you turned off the brush layer it should look a little something like this: (it's not perfect but it won't matter that much because you should have the original turned on at the end anyway) (you don't have to do this step tbh i just did it because i thought it looked better)

so with the brush layer turned on you can use that as a template to which parts of the cracks you want to erase, you can either use the magic wand or the paint brush tool it really depends on how much of a perfectionist you are and whether or not the sharp edges bother you (plus some of the cracks have small openings so it might erase another part you don't want if you use the magic wand tool so it really is another instance of playing around and seeing what you like, and it might also change once you add the other gifs too)

so this is how it looks after i've done that (notice in the middle you can still see the edge of the gif? that won't matter because one of the other 2 gifs i still have yet to mask will cover that) & just repeat the same thing for the other gifs you want to add

this is how my masking folders look if you're curious

& last but not least i added a green colour fill layer clipped to the brush layer and set that to darken to get the green effect (make sure that the brush layer is still set to screen)

& once you've merged all of the gifs together you should get your desired outcome like the gif above (make sure that all the gifs have the same amount of frames too)

when it comes to other shapes i'm sure you can! like i did a tutorial with the grid version here, i guess it'll just be a lot of trial and error & finding a texture or brush with different shapes to try it out with kinda like how i did with both versions of this (i definitely did it a lot better this time around compared to the first version i did of this)

hopefully this wasn't too long or too confusing, if anything is please feel free to ask me again and i'll try and explain it a little better 🤣

[b0njourbeach]

So what are your thoughts on TreyKei?

They're besties, they're worsties. They're married and have two cats (then again, Trey seems to be more of a dog-person. Maybe a dog and a cat?), they'll never be a couple. They love each other, they'll never be able to love each other.

I'm so physically ill about them and their unlimited possibilities.

There are so many thoughts in my head and knowing that you always liked my rambles, I won't try to hold back and let it all out for once haha. I can't promise that I'm being able to express it all because you can imagine my thoughts as followed: Idia, Malleus and Jade infodumping about their special interests while Kalim screams for funsies in the distance and Cater runs around as if he's on a sugar rush - All of it happening at the same time, of course.

Anyways.

You can have Friends to Lovers if you want to, you can have a slow burn, you can have a fall in love on first sight, Friends with benefits, one sided affection, Angst in every shape and Form, a million different AUs that still fits them.

I personally see them both being bisexual. I'm not sure how to explain it but if I had to give an example of a bisexual, it would be them. But here's the thing: I genuinely can't imagine Cater being able to 'love' in the classic, romantic way - I'm not sure if it's projecting onto him or a deep understanding of his personality but I just can't see him being in love as your average romance novel describes. He shows his love in other ways and I swear by hell itself, Trey is one of the main targets of that affection (in my opinion, at least).

If you ask me, he has a lot of commitment issues due to his past and the lack of stable friendships. There are also some nuances of trust issues mixed in that, due to the learned mindset of "It won't last forever" that he had acquired throughout his life. He keeps people at an arms length, possibly to protect others and himself for the, eventually coming, parting. "If I don't get attached too close, it won't hurt as bad."

We can, in fact, see Cater do this in canon - Especially with Trey because he sees through his act. I do love to point out the Wish Upon a Star event where we have a, in my opinion, very important scene and I do have to admit that I honestly got emotional at the end of it: Trey asks Cater what his wish is - Having more success on Magicam (which is one hell of a predictable answer if you ask me). Trey points out he did wish for that the past year, remembering it from the time they shared a room. Cater then wishes for his life to be "chill", and they part ways. Standing in the Heartslabyul staircase, Trey talks to himself on how one 'would think that Cater would open up a bit more by now.' Following with a (in my opinion it sounded sad/upset) 'But maybe he does already. Just not with me.' (I do recommend to watch the scene on your own to get your own impression on it. You can easily find it on YouTube).

Yet, despite the seemingly distance, they're still considered a duo that is unsurprising to any student (Lilia calls Trey Caters Partner and Rook refers to Cater as Treys "Boon Companion").

I had the HC for a long time that Cater may try to escape his issues at home by going with Trey instead and only later I found out that it's not too far from canon. Trey most likely also knows about Caters' situation at home, which is seen in multiple different situations - which, if you ask me, is already a deep trust coming from Caters side.

Overall, they know each other's strengths AND weaknesses and know how to match each other well. Whether it is Cater boosting Treys confidence about his looks or Trey pointing out Caters skills in Astrology (and many other things but I ain't gonna point every single of them out rn).

Speaking of weaknesses and strengths: Remember how Trey called Cater out after Riddles OB?

[Including the Manga panel because Boy, do I love this one]

A while ago, I've read through Caters Birthday Boy Voicelines and you know what? This guy has been gifted a "diamond-shaped quiche" from "a student". While no names dropped, we all know who made this one - Especially because Cater does seem to be quite fond of Treys general cooking and baking, if it's not sweet, of course. Not that I can blame him, spicy dishes aren't easy to make. You can fuck them up easily and if your man can cook 'em well, you better marry him.

But enough of Cater, there is too much to unpack about him to show it all. Let's move on to Trey, which is not as easy as it first sounds like. Why, you ask? Well, because he's showing even less than Cater! Both of them are chronic actors, both hiding their true, their damaged, their 'weird' faces - acting to be 'normal', to not freak people out, to not make them worry. Trey is a really good example of the 'oldest child' syndrome, which is, in return, quite bad for him - But that turns his friendship with Cater into a positive thing. Ahem, one step at a time.

Why is Trey a perfect example of the 'oldest child' syndrome? Well, he's "oh so normal", yes? Or so they say, after all. If you're the oldest child, you need to be a certain way - not only for your parents or your siblings but for your own safety. As the oldest child, you're bound to be a "test subject". No matter how good your childhood may have been, your siblings will have a seemingly, easier path - Things you weren't allowed are suddenly okay for them to do. Your siblings have an older sibling to rely on while you, as the oldest, had to fight alone. You need to protect the younger ones because it's expected but you need to keep yourself running too because no one does it for you. By being born first, you're practically forced to be in a position of a role model, a teacher and a friend.

Especially if you're having odd interests, such as oral hygiene, mustard, hats and what-not - You are forced to act normal because you will be looked at weird otherwise (I mean, he's friends with the perfect example on what happens if you express your "weirdness" out loud: Rook Hunt). I really like to put Trey on a scale when it comes to "Acts normal, is weird" because if you're weird, there are three types:

1. Rook Hunt - Expresses weirdness out loud with no shame

2. Jade Leech - Suppresses weirdness but the suppression has become weird on his own because he's weird in quiet

3. Trey Clover - Swears to be normal and is successful for the most of it, does show weirdness in little moments

All three of them have different reasons, and valid ones once you realize why they're that way, to be the way they are but in the end, they're three weird people who have learned how to "express" their oddness.

[Disclaimer: I am not using weird as an insult. This term is used to refer to socially not as accepted behavior or actions that are frowned upon. In other words: I am using society's definition of "weird" and not my own.]

Anyways, despite being the oldest child he is, Trey still shows Cater a bit of the truth: Instead of awkwardly smiling when he's uncomfortable, Trey stops smiling if he's with Cater. And in the Vignette of Treys Dorm Uniform, we can see that Cater knows a few more faces of Trey that are rarely seen otherwise - In the given example: It was Treys pettiness, deserved but it was still a rare emotion. If I recall correctly, this Vignette was the only time where we had seen Treys' pettiness, which was quite satisfying to see but that's just my two cents.

It's just so genuinely fascinating to see how similar yet so different they are, it makes both of them a tragic lovestory (if wanted) that drags me across the entire planet and I'd thank them for that.

And what I personally find almost mesmerizing is Caters actions: On one side, he seems to keep Trey not too close, yet he seems to have a lot of trust in him and I think it's unintentionally mentally messing with him because it may not be intentional. I could see that Trey might have this specific vibe that makes Cater feel comfortable and chatty about topics he wouldn't often talk about (specifically when they're both alone). Another guess of mine is that Cater might make too many jokes about certain parts of his trauma/issues and instead of his other pals, Trey actually looks behind the "jokes" because as much coping with humor may help, it's still a way to vocalize pain. But Trey doesn't strike me to be the type of actually calling Caters jokes out the moment he does them (example that I just made up: "Man, my phone died. Wish that was me lol" "Cater, those jokes aren't funny" etc etc). I think he'd have a more subtle way of showing Cater that he saw through that laughing, such as speaking up when it feels appropriate (Book 1) or just acts of service and/or quality time - Simply showing him that Cater does have someone who listens.

I've lost track at least five times and I forgot half of what I wanted to add.. Man, I hate my brain sometimes. I also often try to express my thoughts about these in my memes - In fact, the Memes with/about Cater, Trey or both of them together are possibly the posts where I'm carefully inspecting if it fits the canon and my own pov of them. I do it for all my memes, of course but I want people to deeply understand how much of a disaster those two (both, on their own and together) are because it's extremely overlooked, in my opinion (especially Trey).

Anyways, have this very neat HC of mine that I have about those two because it has been rotting away in my brain (I had intended to add more HCs but it somehow doesn't fit in the text):

Whenever Cater uses his UM 'Split Card', Trey knows which Cater is the original one. They may be identical but Trey can still tell the difference. How? He isn't really sure himself, it might be just his instinct. Cater has made it a game at some point where he wants Trey to guess and has tried many ways to lead his instinct astray but he has yet to succeed.

Edit: For more rambling about those two, do check the reblogs :)

[darcytaylor]

I've been getting mixed reviews in my asks about White Mars (Luke Newton)

Thank you to everyone who has shared their thoughts about Luke’s upcoming project. Since I’ve received so many asks, I thought it would make more sense to address some of the main points here instead of answering them all individually and repeating myself.

I appreciate seeing the admiration for Luke - both as Colin in Bridgerton and as a person (because wow, the last day has been intense!). So I guess this was perfect timing for them to drop this announcement - it’s definitely shifted the narrative a bit!

Some of you have shared concerns about his acting. Performances hit everyone differently, and that’s okay - things like this are subjective. While some love his "face acting" (I personally think he nails it) and the subtlety he brings, others feel there’s still room for growth. And honestly, there’s always room for growth - that’s part of the process for any actor (and, any career). There’s always something new to learn, and finding ways to develop is part of building a long-lasting career. I think Luke has potential, and I’m excited to see how his journey evolves.

As for the White Mars project, I’ve seen a lot of mixed feelings. There are concerns about the production team, and yes, some projects that seem less "prestigious" on paper can be unpredictable. But at the same time, not every role has to be a game-changer or a career-defining moment. That said, it could turn out to be something really special - we won’t know until it’s released! Actors take on projects for so many reasons - trying something new, building connections, liking the script, or keeping your name in an industry known to be difficult. Hopefully, this is a fulfilling project for Luke, and we can appreciate the effort he will put into it regardless of how it turns out.

I’ve also read a lot of speculation about Lucy Hale and potential drama - I get it! Set dynamics are intriguing, obviously! This is also a wait and see type of thing.

It’s totally fine to have mixed feelings about it. But let’s wait and see how things unfold before jumping the gun and assuming it might be a disaster. After all, it was just officially announced that Luke is in it today, let's give it time to breathe?

What’s great to see is how much people genuinely care about Luke and his success. Supporting him while also acknowledging concerns shows how invested everyone is in his journey, and I see that as a positive. ❤️✌️

[russellsppttemplates]

Breathe for me (Pierre Gasly)

Y/N's anxiety has been building throughout the week and it finally crumbled down

Note: english is not my first language. As you maybe know by now, talking about these subjects is a big responsibility for me, but I always hope that I've represented it well enough. It is different for different people, so what I have here is a possible scenario and not the only scenario.

Tags: @myloverjk-blog

Thank you so much to everyone who likes and reblogs, your feedback is appreciated 🤍 and I'm taking requests so if you have any ideas or concepts you want to share, feel free to do so as I'll try to get to them the best I can!

my masterlist

Tw: mentions reader's anxiety symptoms which build up to an anxiety attack

You and Pierre had been invited to join his friends for dinner, and while you thought you were better from last night, things were showing otherwise. Walking around with your skirt unzipped, you tapped your tummy in hopes that the nervous feeling would settle once for all.

Things had felt off throughout the wholr day, it just hadn't been feeling right. And, quite honestly, the last thing you wanted to do was to go and sit through a dinner, pretending you were fully composed when, deep down, your mind kept racing and you couldn't shut it off.

It wasn't because of the company, after all, you had known them for a good while and even felt comfortable around them to the point where admitting what was going on wouldn't be an issue, but right now, Pierre seemed to be the only person you could be with and not feel overwhelmed.

"Amour, do you need- hey, are you feeling okay?", Pierre asked, noticing your nervous stance as you paced around the bedroom, "hey, talk to me, please", he asked, stopping you on your tracks and holding you in place as softly as he could.

"I don't know if I can go. I'm not feeling very well, so I think it's best if you go and I stay", you said, genuinely wanting him to go and have a good time, knowing you wouldn't be the best company right now and that this particular group of friends hadn't been together at the same place in quite some time.

Pushing you to sit on the bed and sitting next to you, Pierre laced his fingers in yours while making sure you were looking at him and taking in every word he said, "hey, we don't need to go. I can call them and tell them we can't make it, they'll understand", he offered, "I want you to be okay, no matter what", he said, "but you can go, I'll just stay here. You haven't seen them in a while and you don't need when you will all have the opportunity to get together again", you said. Finding today to be the date where everyone was available had been enough of a struggle.

"I'm not leaving you feeling like this. I'm staying", Pierre said, grabbing comfier clothes from the wardrobe and helping you undress, "we are going to have a cosy night in, how does that sound?", he asked.

After changing into comfortable clothes, you and Pierre stayed tucked in bed after he texted his friends, his arms protectively around you as you managed to relax a little bit, happy to stay in his embrace while he read a book with you.

.

"Do you think we can get that done until Friday?", one of your colleagues asked, "the client needs it for their meeting, apparently he's having dinner with the investors", she rolled her eyes.

"I think I can, but they should really stop and think about doing these things in such a rushed way, I mean, it's not the first time we're almost running against the clock", you reasoned back, booking another meeting with her to sort out the last final details before handing the project in.

The uneasiness feeling that had been with you since you woke up was not sitting right, so when you logged off your laptop, you decided that working out would be a good distraction and allow you to forget about it.

"Are you heading for a run?", Pierre asked you as he walked inside the bedroom, seeing you put on your sports bra, "I was planning on doing some yoga, maybe go for a walk after", you said, watching him walk over to the drawer where he kept his workout clothes, "do you mind if I joing you? I promise I won't utter a word", he smirked, kissing your cheek and changing from his day clothes.

You and Pierre arranged the room so you could lay the mats, pressing play on the video and doing your best to mimick the moves and positions the young woman was going on the screen. You weren't an expert by all means, but exercise had always been a good escape when you felt overwhelmed, and having Pierre with you, even if you weren't talking or touching, made you feel his support and attentiveness.

"Still up for that walk?", he asked as he handed you your bottle of water, "yes, I think so", you smiled.

Walking on that park had become a common thing for you, being almost able to walk with your eyes closed from how many times you had been there, "are you feeling better now?", Pierre asked.

By now, he had noticed your patterns and preferences, so it wasn't too hard for him to notice that your day hadn't been the best, "yes, thank you for joining me. I know you know you don't need to, but I'm happy you did", you sighed, "my deadline just became a lot more real, so I need to hurry. But I'm also aware I can't do much if I'm worried, so here I am, trying to shush the worry away, at least for a bit", you explained, feeling your boyfriend squeeze your hand in his, "you did well, amour".

.

Work was finally over, you had handed in your project and you thought it would make you feel at ease, that it would allow you to finally feel a little bit lighter, but it didn't. Your thoughts were still spiralling, and they didn't seem like they were on the way to settling down. Your legs started to feel tingly, and you didn't trust them to stay up, so you sat on the living room floor with your back against the sofa, letting your body feel the softness of the rug while your lungs felt like they couldn't get enough air inside them.

You closed your eyes, trying to regulate your breathing as best as you could when you heard a noise far away, approaching quickly as you could make out your name in what the person was saying.

"Amour, Y/N, hey...! Breathe for me, yeah?", said as you tried your best to follow his voice and block out everything else, feeling Pierre's hand coming to hold your own, the feel of his fingers very faint as you struggled in regulating your unsteady breathing, "Y/N, hey, hey, you're okay, amour. Everything is fine, okay?", he urged you to follow his voice, something you had mentioned before that always calmed you.

Encouraging you to breathe with him, you finally got up to his rhythm, looking up to his eyes and despite the worry in them, you also saw the calm that comes after the storm has passed. How it all seems too much, it bursts, and then you're just left with the aftermath.

"There you go, that's good, good, just like that", he said, sitting on the floor and sitting on your side so he could pull your body against his, seeing you were struggling to hold yourself upright.

You stood there a couple of minutes, your eyes closing for a little bit before you croaked a few words out, "can we go to the sofa, please?", feeling his arms go around your back and under your knees, swiftly pulling you against him and getting up from his spot, walking to the sofa and cuddling there with you, brushing your hair with his fingers.

"Do you want some water? A snack perhaps", he advised, "I'm just a little tired, but thanks", you smiled weakly, "you're alright, ma belle, take all the time you need".

You must have fallen asleep on your boyfriend's chest, because when you woke up he was still there, but the window was no longer letting sunlight in and rather moonlight, the TV was on what looked like the evening news and you could feel a blanket covering you and Pierre.

"Hey, you", he whispered, kissing your forehead as he helped you sit up straight, "are you feeling better? A little more rested?", he asked, brushing the hairs away from your eyes, "yes, I am", you smiled, "thank you".

"Those hadn't happened in a while", he pointed out, "yes, it had been a while. I've been able to manage it, but it just crumbled today, before I could get it together, it's just crumbled", you explained

"That's okay, it happens, amour. You're still very strong to have managed ti well, I'm proud of you", he said honestly. Pierre always made you feel safe and never once judged you, instead always wanting to learn how to help you when you needed him and how he could make things better for you. So he wasn't lying when he said he was proud of you and how far you had come.

"My throat is a bit dry", you said, getting up and being followed by Pierre to the kitchen, sipping on the water as he grabbed something to snack on, "do you want some food?", he asked, "no, I'm good", you stated.

"What happened that got you to have the attack?", he wondered, "I handed in my project today. It had been building the last few days, and I was so sure they would be gone by the time I submitted it", you shrugged your shoulders, "now I know what to expect", you smiled, wanting to comfort Pierre and erase the crease between his eyebrows.

"Do you want to go and watch a movie? There's a new Disney one I haven't seen yet", he changed the subject, having gotten the information he needed and looking for a distraction, "Lead the way, handsome".

[detailtilted]

NEW Enhanced Edition - CHICON 2010 - Mishalecki Breakfast Panel

Direct link to video. Link to YouTube channel. (15 videos available.)

My latest video is up! This is a rare U.S. Jared and Misha panel. They have a fun dynamic with Jared's playful humor and Misha's dry sarcasm. If you haven't seen my posts before and want more details about what I'm doing, see the bottom of the post.

92% of the footage came from the video AgtSpooky sent me. It was already on YouTube, but not properly credited to her. Most of the audio came from a different source, and I used a few other sources to fill in small sections of both video and audio. All sources are credited in my video description.

Video Quality Notes

As usual, the breakfast video quality is lower than the main panels. AgtSpooky's video came out the best and clearest overall, but the quality does fluctuate. She also had a more sideways angle, so we don't always have a clear view of their faces depending on which direction they're facing. The other videos with a more direct view were usually quite blurry, so I mostly stuck with AgtSpooky's because I thought her clearer profile view offered better visibility than a blurry direct view. There were a couple short clips with good quality and a direct view, and I cut to those when I could.

The main panels have much better quality and a more direct view, so my next set of videos will look better.

Subtitles

Many of you know that I subtitle Jared and Jensen in red and blue because those were their mark tape colors on the set of Supernatural. When I tried to find Misha's mark tape color, I found this post which has photos indicating it was probably yellow.

I've used yellow to represent the fans at the mic during the main panels since I started this project. At the time, I hadn't thought ahead to the likelihood that I'd eventually subtitle Misha too. Since my YouTube statistics show that nearly half my viewers watch with the subtitles turned on, I don't want to cause confusion by switching up my colors after all this time.

I did want to give Misha's color some symbolism that fans would likely recognize though, so I subtitled him with orange in honor of his apparent penchant for wearing orange underwear.

This video was more difficult to subtitle than most I've worked on so far, so you may see more than the usual dreaded [inaudible].

What's Next

I've started working on the main panel from this same convention. It starts off as a solo Misha panel, then it becomes another Mishalecki panel, then it becomes a J2M panel. I plan to split them up into 3 videos, the same way I treated the Jared/Jensen/J2 panels that ran one-after-the-other at other conventions. This will keep them a more manageable length so that it won't take me an eternity to publish a new one, and it allows people to more easily watch just the video(s) with the actor(s) they're interested in.

Although my project is more focused on Jared and Jensen, I do plan to do the solo Misha panel. I had promised a while back that I'd probably do Misha's solo panels if I happened to have any good-quality, mostly-complete videos of his panel that I could use at the time I was working on other videos from the same convention. That probably won't happen often, but in this case I have a video like that from AgtSpooky.

Before/after Comparison Photo

A recap for anyone not familiar with this project…

In December 2023, I started this project to enhance old convention videos. I'm upscaling the videos and making other visual improvements, adding extra content to clarify various references, and adding human-generated, color-coded subtitles so you can better understand the sometimes-chaotic audio. The subtitles can be auto-translated to other languages via YouTube.

My goal is to publish the best, most complete, and most watchable versions of these older convention panels yet seen, but this is only possible thanks to the fans who captured the footage in the first place and were generous enough to share it with other fans. My video descriptions on YouTube will always credit my sources.

If you have any old convention videos you'd be willing to contribute to this project, please message me! I can also be reached at DetailTilted@gmail.com. Even if your videos are on YouTube, the original files, if you still have them, may upscale much better. If I can get them to upscale, I'd happily send the upscaled files back to you for your own collection whether I use them or not.

[thenerdytomboy]

I generally try to stay out of fandoms for a lot of reasons, but what I've seen recently in regards to TSAMS/LAES/Etc etc is downright upsetting

First off, to the writers/VAs, especially Kat

I know you won't see this but I'm so incredibly sorry. You don't deserve any of this, and I'm deeply ashamed of how the fandom has been acting/treating you

Earth, puppet, and Dazzle have been some of my favorite characters, and seeing people shit on them is so upsetting, I can only imagine how much worse it is for all of you as the writers/VAs to see that, for all your characters

I genuinely hope that in time your mental health improves and people will learn to keep their opinions to themselves

Now to the fandom:

You all need to learn to shut the fuck up.

Full stop.

You need to learn to shut the fuck up.

You can hate characters, you can dislike them, you can like them, you can love them, you're in full right to do all of that

What you are NOT in full right to do, is to be ASSHOLES about it.

Reed, Davis, Kat, all of them are making you a free, daily uploads show because they want to, they don't owe you shit and you don't owe them shit

So many of you apparently don't know what a parasocial relationship is.

They're not your friends. They are strangers. Strangers who don't owe you anything.

Would you just walk up to someone in real life and start trash talking them? Or their family or their friends?

I would hope to god not because that's EXTREMELY RUDE.

These shows are the writers/VAs Aus basically.

Earth, Dazzle, Lunar, bloodmoon, etc etc are basically all of their OCs

How would YOU feel if someone you didn't know just showed up in your comments/messages/server and started trashing on your OCs, calling them selfish bitches, telling you your OCs should kill themselves? You'd be upset, wouldn't you? You'd be angry, you think that person is being a dick.

So why is it any different when you do that to the writers/VAs of the characters on the security breach shows.

I'll say it again, you're fully allowed to feel whatever you like about a character, that is your right, that is your opinion.

Read that again.

That is your OPINION.

You don't need to share your opinion. Especially when it's rude/mean/unnecessary.

Here's an example:

Im currently not a fan of TSaMS Moon because of his actions in recent videos

You know how I handle that? I talk with my friends about it and think critically in my Analysis of his character and his choices.

I DO NOT go into the discord server/comments/VAs Dms and start trashing on Moon and saying horrible things

THATS a good example of how to respectfully handle not liking a character.

You should always think critically of characters in media you consume, whether you hate them or love them

And you should recognize that you're bitching about the characters/writing of a show that's being made FOR FREE out of the KINDNESS of these guys hearts. It's not going to be perfect and it's not going to be for everyone, that's not their faults

If you don't like the way the show is going, stop fucking watching it. It's that simple. You don't need to air out every little thought you have on it.

I know it's just blatant misogyny, because a lot of you will trash on female-identifying characters for doing the same things as male-identifying characters even when the male-identifying characters are being so much worse about it

Y'all trash on Earth for getting a lil selfish after everything she's been through but then turn around and defend Bloodmoon, the canon murderer/torture-happy bot who doesn't have an ounce of regret in him for what he's done, like your lives depend on it.

Fuckers in fandoms that act like this are the reason why so many good shows/projects get scrapped/cut short because they harass the creators with their unneeded comments/opinions.

Youre allowed to be critical and criticize the media you consume, it's healthy and I do encourage others to do so

But there is a HUGE difference between doing that respectfully and being an asshole about it

And to wrap this up

Tldr:

Writers/VAs I'm sorry on behalf of the fandom and I hope things get better for you all soon

Fandom, get your shit together, I don't care what your age is, it's not that hard to be polite and respectful

Keep acting like this and soon we won't even have a show anymore

And then you'll bitch about the consequences of your actions

Do better, be better. Kindness is free.

[thetaekookcloset]

Checking In ~! (And Signing Off)

Hello, everyone!

I logged in for a few minutes today just to check in on some other blogs, and I knew some people would probably see that I've been online so I wanted to say a quick hello and thank you to everyone who's been looking for me, thinking of me, and sending in sweet comments saying that you've missed the blog -- thanks so much for thinking of me!

I thought I'd give you a few rapid-fire answers to some questions I've seen since logging on and that have been floating around, starting with why I've been gone. The honest answer is that I never intended to run this blog forever, which is why I worked so hard to make sure it was well-organized, so that it could remain as a resource even after I moved on from it. I've had a lot going on in my life for the past couple of years, including buying a house with my partner and making a new best friend (you know who you are lol love youuuu), not to mention keeping up with all the members' solo projects! For the most part, I felt that I said what I had to say, and so I've been putting my fandom energy into other areas.

That said, there have of course been developments since I've been gone, so let me address some of them briefly.

Several people seemed to want to know how I feel about Taennie these days. I feel the same as I did before. I would be pretty damn surprised if anything legitimate were to ever come out about Tae and Jennie being involved. Everything that links them together is flimsy and circumstantial at best, whereas Jennie's links to G-Dragon have remained consistent and compelling, and regardless of Taehyung's relationship with Jungkook, I feel pretty confident that he is, shall we say, not especially interested in women in that way.

As for the developments in Jikook's relationship, and more specifically in the common Jikooker narratives lately, I feel the same as I always have. I think Jungkook and Jimin are clearly good friends who are very comfortable with each other. I'm glad they have each other close by for their military service as forced conscription must be hard on anyone and those two in particular seemed less than enthusiastic about the experience. I do not, however, believe that it would be safe for them to enlist together to potentially stay in close quarters if they were in a romantic relationship, nor do I think they would be put together by the company for content like a whole duo show, complete with photobook and merchandise, if they were in a relationship.

Taekook, on the other hand, proved again and again throughout 2023 that they were seeing each other often, keeping up with one another's lives and work, and remaining as close as they always have been, as there is and always has been ample evidence to prove. A few of my favorite moments: Tae saying that Jungkook would sing him "To Find You" from Sing Street, a song about being destined to find someone despite not believing in fate, and pulling up Jungkook's cover to listen to, while Jungkook was away; Jungkook mentioning Tae unprompted, like sharing his memory of going snowboarding with Tae and his friends when asked to talk about why he chose "Ditto" for his Spotify interview and mentioning that he loves the song "Golden Hour" during a live; Tae playing "For Us" and doing a little boxing move when JK happened to be in California; Jungkook asking Taehyung "Where have you been?" when he showed up late to Inkigayo -- I could go on honestly, probably forever, so I'll make myself stop here.

That's part of the thing with this blog. I could go on and on, and I have so much that I love and want to do and say, so many other directions I want to spread that energy, so I don't plan to stick around. But I wanted to say thank you to everyone who has missed me; I genuinely didn't anticipate that, and it means a lot. I hope you're all doing well, and finding spaces for yourselves in this wild fandom we share.

TL;DR -- I'm sure the question anyone would most want me to answer is just this: Do I still believe in Taekook?

Yeah, I do. More than ever before really. I think their relationship speaks for itself, more than I ever could, for anyone willing to listen.

Borahae!

[ghuleh-recs]

It was our beloved Bee's (@da-rulah) birthday yesterday! To celebrate I've made us all a mixtape of some of her greatest hits... which ended up being almost everything she's written. Whoops. The only reason I left anything out was to save some for next year! Bee is such a kind, lovely, generous, TALENTED soul and I'm so very lucky to have befriended her. So go forth and read some top tier papa (and Mary!) smut. Leave Bee some comments while you're at it—as a lil' bday gift. ♡

recs under the cut.

Rituale Septem - Terzo (and everyone else) x Reader - 74k

Your faith is shaking; 16 years at the Ministry, and what did you have to show for it? You'd never even heard the Dark One's voice like your Siblings… But what could you do? Well, you could ask the advice of the one person chosen to guide his flock through adversity; Papa Emeritus III. And he has an idea that might work…

Rubenesque - Secondo x Plus Size!Reader - 7.8k

Retirement had its perks. For Secondo, one of those was being able to spend much more time on the things he enjoyed. And there were only two things he truly enjoyed these days; art, and you. Although if you asked him, he’d insist that they were one and the same. So how would he react when he learns that your peers are mocking your sinfully gorgeous body, and you're struggling to love yourself?

A Personal Ritual - Copia x Reader - 2.1k

"With an expert flick of his wrist, it unfolded, a glinting silver blade unsheathing itself from the brilliant red of the marbled handle. When he leaned forward, he stretched his neck with a lean to one side, lining the blade up against his skin and in one quick, clean motion he’d swiped a stripe up to the sharp edge of his jawline. The blade was wiped off on a cloth draped over the sink, then brought to do the same thing again next to the already created strip of clean, smooth skin.   You'd never seen him do this before, but you were enraptured – privileged, even… It was you and you alone that had the honour bestowed upon them to watch the man you loved in his most humble and domestic of moments, to see the parts of him that nobody else in the world got to see just because they were usually saved for him, and him alone. While you’d spent many an intimate night in his bed, sharing your bodies and souls in every way a lover can, these were the moments that felt truly intimate."

The Mayor's Daughter - Mary Goore x Reader - 72k (WIP)

Mary knew the entire town hated him; the metalhead with the freaky make up and fake blood dripping down his face. He was the local menace, the town vandal, the cliché trouble maker. He played up to that image, enjoyed the havoc and the chaos, revelled in it. He loved pissing people off. And so, what better revenge to get on his beloved town, than to fuck around with the Mayor's daughter…

In Cold Blood - Terzo x Reader - 19.4k

Solitude had always appealed. Perhaps that’s why you took on this project… The thought of transforming a dilapidated old Victorian farmhouse into a sanctuary of your own, to live in peace and the romanticisms of a gothic home you fell in love with. After the structural integrity of the house is replenished, you fill your days with DIY and decorating, bringing to life a house that had been frozen in time and left to rot for decades. You could enjoy the solitude of the land already, a few miles outside of a town plagued by disappearances and a fear of the dark. But you couldn’t escape the news of more missing people, nor the strange occurrences happening around your new home. Were you imagining things? Or was there indeed a shadow haunting your sanctuary?

Confessional - Cardinal Copia x Reader - 22k

As a sister of sin, it was your duty to confess at least once a month, to have your sins praised by a higher up member of the clergy. But you only ever chose Thursday nights, when you knew he was on duty. And tonight, you were working up the courage to confess your darkest sin - the dreams you had been having…

Learn the Ropes - Secondo x Reader - 2.4k

Secondo likes to be in charge. He likes to be in control. But you'd always wondered what he might do if one day, you decided to flip the script, and take charge for him…

Copia gets Bullied - Copia x Reader - 2.2k

"I know this trope for Cardinal Copia is over done but I would love, love your take on it. I would like a sister of sin who Copia have had a crush on, come and comfort him after witnessing him getting bullied and embarrassed. But the poor Cardinal is an emotional crying wreck that the sister decide the only way to comfort him is by being sexual with him for the first time🙈"

𖤐 you know the drill--bookmark, read, and leave kudos/comments!

Did I forget your favorite? You've got a standing invitation from me to add your own rec and reblog ♡

[baiwu-jinji]

i apologize in advance if this ask sounds kinda weird, but i'm kinda curious to hear your thoughts on how the narrative treats qi rong, mostly because i think interacting only with the eng version/fandom might take some context from his character. i've seen people complaining that some fans woobify him too much, others complaining that some people treat him as a pure hate-sink when he's more than that. while i do think he's a multi-layered character, i do sometimes get the feeling that mxtx did not go easy on him, with the revised version being even crazier than before (some even say he was given a bit of onesided incestuous subtext with xl, but i wonder if that interpretation isn't just the result of weirdly translated lines in eng). i think this might be because he strikes me as a meta personification of sorts for toxic fans who place their identity and self-worth on just one person they completely idolize, and when that person is shown to be imperfect they immediately turn against them, and we know mxtx has had experience with those kinds of people.

i do think he's largely meant to be seen as unsympathetic overall, though i think there's strong nuances with his character as well. since his childhood he always lacked something and never really had a well formed identity, his prince name being symbolic of his life. he projected himself onto xl in life, and he kept on absorving the worst traits of the people around his life without really understanding them in order to feel powerful and important, from the xianle nobles to the signature traits of the other calamities. he also strikes me as very... "little brother"-coded, in the sense that he keeps looking for any sort of recognition and seems unable to mature. even when he hates xl i think he still somewhat craves his attention, and qr only developed a bit when he was forced to let go of this role by accidentally becoming a father instead. i think it's also interesting that he started out a lot like his father, but ended up sharing the fate of his mother.

i do wonder how the cn fandom views him and if he's nearly as divisive as he is here. i'd also be pretty interested in seeing some meta about him from cn fans. again, it feels like some context is missing by not speaking the language the book was originally written in...

Hi! I think the narrative basically takes the same stance as Xie Lian in its attitude towards Qi Rong, which is the sort of "I can't love you but I don't want to hate you, the best I could give you is indifference". I agree that Qi Rong isn't meant to be lovable, but MXTX isn't dismissive of him as a character either - she devoted almost an entire chapter to Qi Rong's death, let him speak his mind, and gave him some form of closure.

Qi Rong having onesided incestuous subtext with XL (!!) in the revised version is...very interesting haha, I haven't read the revised version so I can't know (someone please tell me where to get the revised version ><). Although I want to speculate that even if there is some incestuous vibes, it's not truly sexual - it's probably libido directed the wrong way when you're lusting over someone else's identity, but not over that person per se. Qi Rong lusts over XL's identity in the sense that he wants to be XL - or rather he wants to be perfect, worshipped, all-powerful etc. (bit of digression, there's an underrated psychological thriller called Cracks starring Eva Green, if you watch it you'll know what I mean)

I don't have the impression that he's truly divisive in the Chinese fandom, but then I don't engage with the Chinese fandom that much so I could totally be wrong. And I don't think any context is missing for English readers either (except maybe the humour of QR's obscene language might be lost in translation?) because human nature is the same everywhere, and Qi Rong's distorted psyche is more a matter of human nature than cultural context.

As for Chinese fandom's view of QR, there's this great meta I translated and posted a few days ago, and I found some other opinion pieces about Qi Rong on Zhihu (Chinese equivalent of Reddit), as you'll see they're quite diverse.

A lot of Chinese readers say that what stands out most about Qi Rong is his comedic role in the story because his cursing and name-calling are really funny; a lot of people also mention being really touched by his self-sacrifice to save Guzi. I found this one post that has a similar view to yours, which is QR represents MXTX's toxic fans:

"I always felt it's the author admonishing her fans in an implicit way not to be as crazy as Qi Rong [...] My guess is that the author can't ask her fans outright not to act in this way because that would hurt people who support her but are immature, however she can't turn a blind eye to these people going around provoking more resentment, so she creates QR to remind her fans not to be like QR, or they'd appear as unlikable as QR to the public. But the author still feels symathy for thse fans, so she didn't depict their representation in the novel as totally incorrigible - QR retains some humanity and is a little adorable when he starts to care about people."

I also saw opinions about the narrative (or rather Xie Lian) not going easy on Qi Rong, like this one:

"Xie Lian is clearly a very good person but why is he so heartless to QR? He eventually treated QR as a joke and a burden, but QR was once a true follower of his. At first I thought XL was perfect and cares about everyone, but he never really cared for his cousin. When I read that XL felt neither joy nor sorrow when QR died saving Guzi, my heart chilled. If XL could forgive the masses who betrayed and reviled him, why can't he forgive his cousin who once followed him whole-heartedly?"

There're also people saying that Qi Rong's potential divisiveness is what makes him a great villain, like this post:

"What MXTX's well-received villains have in common is a tragic childhood and not being loved growing up, and they only have a soft spot for one person. Although these villains did horrible deeds and are unrepentant, they all reserve some kindness in their heart for the only person who's good to them. This contrast is striking and touching, yet most likely to cause controversy. Therefore, MXTX knows very clearly how to create a memorable villain, and I admire that."

Someone else says when they read about Qi Rong they "don't know whether to laugh or cry" (XL's signature emotion hehe). They add that "this is where MXTX is successful in writing a villain - you both hate and pity him; he's infuriating, but you don't really want to see him die either."

Another view is that since Qi Rong has no filter, he sometimes serves as the truth-telling voice. For example, when XL wanted to keep Lang Qianqiu in the dark about the truth of the Gilded Banquet Massacre, Qi Rong blurted out the truth.

There's also a question posted on Zhihu that asks why people like Qi Rong, and there're some interesting answers. There's one post that says "I find him attractive because he's depicted as alluringly ghostly in a lot of fan art like vampires in Twilight" haha

Another post says they like Qi Rong "because he's guilelessly wicked, while XL and Hua Cheng are hypocrites" emmmmm

Another one says they like Qi Rong because "being Xie Lian is exhausting, he's so wronged but he just endures it all, while Qi Rong just launches verbal assults whenever someone rubs him the wrong way, it's so cathartic. The most difficult thing in the world is to be a good person, because as soon as you do one thing wrong, everyone criticises you; but if you're a bad person, even if you did just one good thing, everyone praises you for it and shows you pity".

[beemoon17]

My Personal Fox Rankings

I saw @yourleftpinkytoe-blog do this and thought I'd give it a go! These are just my personal rankings and obviously I'd love to talk about why or hear about anyone else's.

Kevin Day (I relate to his mental health struggles and his need for perfection, he's giving gifted kid syndrome, autistic af)

Andrew Minyard (Devoted to his family, enforces his boundaries, relate to his mental health struggles, killing for his brother)

Neil Josten (Most of my love for him is because of his love for other characters, his loyalty and protectiveness over the family he found in the Foxes and his absolute devotion to respecting Andrew's boundaries)

David Wymack ("It's about second chances, Neil. Second, third, fourth, whatever, as long as you get at least one more than what anyone else wanted to give you." I think that covers all my reasoning)

Seth Gordon (We don't get to learn as much about him as the others but Seth hit me a lot harder than I've seen most people feel. He wanted to prove himself, he wanted to be better, he wanted to win. He's the what if. The almost. Every kid who couldn't be saved, Who gave up or was given up on a minute too soon. He was almost there. And then he was gone.)

Aaron Minyard (I have a weak spot for sibling relationships, killing for his brother, the urge to protect your siblings and to stay by your siblings side and at the same time wanting to prove you can be more or different or better than them, not understanding each other completely but knowing you stand and fall together always.)

Matt Boyd (100% projected every urge I've ever had to have a big brother onto him. The way he's always there on the Court to physically protect his teammates, he's big and strong and powerful, but off the Court he is kind and caring and gentle. He loves the Foxes and he has their backs. His relationship with Neil was everything.)

Nicky Hemmick (I loved his blatant and unavoidable queerness, for a character who has canonically been shammed and abused for his sexuality and coming from a world myself where I don't feel safe or brave enough to be unapologetically queer it's so beautiful to read. He took in the twins, he never gave up on them, never walked away. The twins weren't easy, not before the story started and not when we get to arrive in it, but he loves his family and he wants them to have better than he did, and that means something.)

Dan Wilds (Oh Captain my Captain. Dan is an amazing leader and my love for her comes from her devotion to her team. She is tough and she worked her ass off for the role she has, she's more than earned her share of respect. She believes in her team even after years of failing and bullshit.)

Betsy Dobson (The therapist we all dream of having. If Andrew could trust her I can't imagine anyone couldn't with enough time. She is a safe space and a constant, and clearly has patience for days with the twinyards as her clients. The fact that she provides hot chocolate is 100% a huge plus for me.)

Abby Winfield (Always there for the Foxes, whether that's patching them up, giving them a roof to sleep under, or cooking warm meals. She's a safe adult like Bee and Wymack and they are so very important and precious.)

Allison Reynolds (I love Allison, her being this low is NOT Allison hate, I simply did not connect with her as much as other characters, she is still dear to me, all of the Foxes are. She is devoted to the Foxes and found them somewhere safe to run off to and have some fun after shit went down. and even when the worst possible thing happens and she loses the man she loves she comes back ready to fight because she knows it's what he would've wanted.)

Renee Walker (Once again NOT Renee hate, all of those Foxes are dear to me. I had trouble with her "religious angel girl" attitude in a similar way to Neil, I just couldn't trust it. Renee is an amazing force within the Foxes, the bridge before Neil arrived, providing Andrew with an outlet and a friend, protecting the upperclassmen Foxes. I admire her for pulling herself out of darkness, even if I can't connect to the religious aspect, and I admire that she acknowledges and respects her old life, not burying it but not letting it control her future or her present day.

[khaire-traveler]

Is it the gods, an imposter/trickster spirit, or your own trauma?

The reason I am choosing to make this post is because I've seen an increase in the trickster/imposter spirit talk in polytheist and pagan spaces, and I feel like I have some personal experience with this that may be helpful to share with others. Whether you agree or disagree with me is entirely up to you, and I am not trying to force anyone to follow the same belief system as me, since we all have a different truth, but I wanted to share my take on things in case it can be useful to someone, so without further adieu, here we go.

I feel like there is a serious problem within pagan spaces of individuals projecting their personal traumas onto gods.

I'm just gonna outright say it: this is a very real problem within the pagan (and the polytheist) community. So, what exactly do I mean by this? How are people "projecting their traumas onto gods"?

When I say this, I don't mean to imply that people are doing this intentionally. In fact, I think that 99% of the time people are doing this without realizing it. It takes a serious level of self-awareness to recognize when one is projecting traumas onto a situation, and in my experience, therapy often aids significantly in making these types of discoveries; once you recognize it within yourself, sometimes you can also recognize similar behaviors in others (do not diagnose anybody with anything, though, or assume you know everything about them and their life).

Personally, I have done a lot of self-reflection and have become very aware of behaviors and experiences I've had in the past where I've projected my trauma onto the gods. For a lot of these experiences, at the time, I thought I was going through a situation with imposter spirits or "deity drama" (experiencing some kind of major drama with the gods), but looking back, I have spotted several underlying patterns (I suggest always looking for underlying patterns within your own situations; are your situations often very similar to each other, and do they remind you of situations from your past) within all of these scenarios - they have always been connected in one way or another, whether it be by the type of things the "gods" or "spirits" are communicating to me (what they are saying) or the type of situation I've gotten myself into with these entities (the type of drama I'm experiencing/how the situation plays out; e.g. it relates to some form of abandonment, hyper-criticism, emotional abuse, etc.).

In order to tell if these things are trauma-related, I've found that stopping and asking myself a few questions has been really helpful.

First, I asked myself, "When was the first time I felt this way in my life?" By that, I am asking myself when I first felt the emotion I'm feeling in the given situation (does this situation feel familiar, does this sense of sense of abandonment feel familiar, does this feeling of helplessness feel familiar, etc.). You'd be surprised how many times the answer to this question in a "negative experience with the gods" has been yes (100% of the time, actually).

The second question I ask myself is, "Would [insert deity name here] actually do [insert problem/bad experience here] to me?" Remember to think very critically about this question. It can be easy to think - especially if you have religious trauma - that some deity would really spend their time focused on "punishing" or berating you in particular, but realistically speaking, would a deity really spend their time tearing you down instead of lifting you up? Would they really spend their time telling you about how awful you are, how disappointed they are, how you're doing everything wrong, etc., especially if this is a deity you have been historically very close with? Why would this deity be upset with you in the first place? Now, sometimes deity DO get upset with us for our actions (and it is important to note that you may not click with every deity you encounter), but even then, keep in mind that deities are extremely mature and ancient beings; they aren't going to treat you in a cruel, or even abusive, manner. If you don't think deities are mature enough to treat and respect you as an actual person, maybe you should examine why you feel this way about them. Do you expect to be treated as less than a person by other people as well? Have you been treated this way in the past? Look for possible connections to your past traumas before completely discounting the idea that these beliefs are entirely unbiased.

With the third question, it's important to think very critically about your situation. "Why would [insert deity name here] treat me this way?" When answering this question, make sure to consider also asking yourself if you expect to be treated this way by other humans; the answer to that can be very telling. Some people also assume deities will treat them a certain way due to a deity's mythos. It's imperative to realize that a deity is often very different from their mythos in reality. Mythology isn't typically meant to be interpreted literally. Most of the time, mythology was there to explain things that didn't make sense to humans at the time, such as the seasons changing or the sun moving across the sky. Of course, that wasn't the only purpose of mythology, but it was one of the many. Along with that, deities were often paired with the cultural values of the time, such as Hades kidnapping Persephone being a common practice in ancient Greece when "taking a wife" or Zeus giving Persephone's hand in marriage without telling Demeter or Persephone first (fathers were seen as having the right to marry off their daughters, with or without consent). Consider the cultural context of a deity's mythos before immediately assuming a deity is accurately represented by it. Again, deities are extremely mature and ancient beings, so realistically, would such a wise, knowledgeable, and very mature being treat you in whatever way you think they're treating you now? Why do you think this?

A simple and easy answer for a deity acting out of character that people have come up with is "it's an imposter/trickster spirit", but...is it really? Or could it just be your personal traumas reflecting onto that deity? Do these situations feel a bit familiar to you? Do these harsh criticisms sound like something you'd maybe even say to yourself when in a negative state of mind? How would this spirit know how and when to target all of your deepest insecurities (spirits cannot just randomly read minds, in my experience)? Would it even be worth it for a spirit to impersonate a deity (think of the potential consequences they'd face for pretending to be a literal god; if humans were punished for their hubris, just think of what would happen to a spirit)? Would a deity really just allow some random spirit to impersonate them, and if so, why do you think this? Random spirits are not more powerful than literal gods - remember this. Do you think a god wouldn't at least try protect their worshippers from imposters in some way? Why would some spirit pretend to be a god anyway? What would they have to gain from you?

Rather than it being an imposter/trickster spirit "messing with you", could it really be your personal trauma manifesting itself within your mind?

A good example of something actually being trauma, within my personal life, is when I thought that Hermes was permanently leaving my life. After the fact, I blamed my experiences on an imposter/trickster spirit, but when I actually stopped and examined the situation, I realized it was a culmination of past traumas and fears coming to light and manifesting themselves within my mind. I began almost looking for reasons why Hermes would want to leave my life and told myself that he was going to "abandon" me, despite receiving tarot readings, and even some dreams, that were reassuring me Hermes was sticking around. I had constant nightmares about the situation, misinterpreted signs as being negative, and was constantly anxious about Hermes' perception of me. When I reflected on times in the past where I perceived to have been abandoned by others, I realized that this situation was eerily similar to these past traumatic events in my life. I took a step back from the situation, calmed my nerves as best as I could, and reproached the situation with a clearer and more stable mind. Sometimes taking that step back can help significantly in figuring out the true cause of a spiritual problem.

Why are deities so easy to project our traumas onto?

As is everything within this post, this is my personal opinion; you don't have to agree with me.

Personally, I believe deities act as mirrors into our subconscious. They reflect parts of ourselves that we choose to hide from, often to aid in our personal growth. Sometimes, though, they do this unintentionally, and I think it's something that's just inherent in their nature. I can't fully explain it, but it's definitely a phenomenon that I've seen time and time again within both my own practice and the practices of others.

As well as this, deities are intangible beings that we often cannot hear, see, or physically interact with. When you can't hear what someone is trying to say to you explicitly, your own biases and experiences often do the work for you in interpreting what that person is trying to communicate. It becomes alarmingly easy to assume that they're upset with you, randomly leaving your life forever, and so on. Think of a time where maybe a friend didn't respond to a text you sent and you thought they were upset at or ignoring you. When you have existing traumas involving people abandoning, ignoring, or even just being generally upset with you by not interacting with you, it becomes extremely easy to misinterpret the actions of others as something more malicious. It becomes extremely easy to project your past traumatic experiences onto completely unrelated situations and people. This is the same for deities, especially since you cannot hear, see, or physically interact with them.

What should you do if you discover that you've been projecting trauma onto a deity?

Chances are that if you've been projecting trauma onto a deity, they're already aware of it. In fact, they may have been trying to help reassure you or send communicate that the situation is not what it seems. You can find this is signs/reminders that they're still a part of your life, divination readings that everything is ok (despite you thinking or feeling otherwise), comforting dreams featuring the deity of symbols of said deity, and so on. Try looking for these signs and/or messages within your life, and see what you can find.

In rare cases, the deity may have been entirely unaware of the situation. I think, either way, it's best to communicate with this deity and tell them what you suspect has been going on. If you feel the need, you can offer an apology and maybe provide an offering as a way to make amends, but in my opinion, you never have to apologize for experiencing trauma and not knowing how to properly cope with it. Therapy exists for a reason, and trauma isn't something that you have to be ashamed of. Deities are very understanding and forgiving, and more than likely, they're not going to judge you for having potentially projected trauma onto them. In my experience, you have nothing to be afraid of.

If you're still unsure whether you are projecting trauma onto a deity or not, that's ok. Sometimes you never really get a concrete answer. When that happens, my advice is to move past the situation as best you can. You can give offerings to the deity and tell them, "I need to move past this situation with you because it is negatively affecting my mental health and well-being. When I am more stable/feeling better, we can readdress the issue," and take a step back from the problem for a while. It is more than ok to need space and time away from a deity or a situation to focus on your own wellness. If something is extremely triggering or upsetting for you, let your deity know, and take that step back that you need. You can always come back to the issue later, when you feel readier and more equipped to tackle the problem. Sometimes it just takes time for the issue to resolve itself, too. Either way, always prioritize yourself and your well-being.

Conclusion

It's clear that my stance regarding trickster/imposter spirits is simply that they aren't really a thing. This doesn't mean spirits can't be problematic (because they absolutely can), but I just personally feel that spirits aren't pretending to be gods. Spirits can certainly cause issues in other ways, such as messing with divination, causing you to feel uncomfortable/uneasy, or even being generally antagonistic towards you, but I don't personally believe they impersonate gods. It just doesn't seem realistic or worth it to me, especially when considering the fact that there will more than likely be massive consequences for such actions. It's more than ok if you disagree with me, but I'd like to ask that you don't reply to my post with an argument. This post is meant to give advice and share my personal thoughts, not start a debate about the existence of trickster/imposter spirits. To be completely honest, this is a triggering topic for me, but I wanted to make this post because I've seen so many new pagans and polytheists get discouraged or even straight up decline the opportunity to worship deities solely because they're scared of accidentally interacting with trickster spirits, and I want to reassure them by providing an alternative to out of character deity interactions. Plus, I haven't really seen anybody talk about this before, so I figured I'd hopefully shed some light on a topic that isn't usually discussed but is clearly a recurring issue within pagan and polytheist communities.

ANYWAY, thank you for reading this massive block of text! I hope it gave you some insight or at least a new perspective on this issue. Take care, and have a wonderful day/night! May your gods bless you, if you so wish them to. 🧡☺️

[yanderewritingdump]

I've read too many COD fics, and now I'm stuck on scary military dudes who use their skills/resources inappropriately to keep an eye on you.

AFAB reader, female pronouns/gender language used, MDNI.

AN: I would like to share that I know squat about the military/guns/technology, but I think they're neat in certain fictional setting. Most of my information on the world of COD/military on has come from either watching my brother play it more than a decade ago, unwillingly listening to various people rant, and social media thirst traps. Please suspend your disbelief and forgive any inaccuracies you may find.

It was too much of a habit to pull up the camera feed of your back porch, watching you rock gently as you diligently worked at what must be your latest project. Something was taking shape in your hands, but his knowledge of things outside of war and death tended to be a bit spotty. He thought it looked vaguely like a thin, holey scarf. It was the third color he’d seen you use in the last two weeks as you tried to teach yourself from the book next to your rocking chair. He wasn’t exactly sure what you were doing with the ball of twine and weird plastic tool, and he was pretty sure you were terrible at it from the way you grumbled and picked it. The breeze rustled some of the pages, lifting stray strands of hair into your eyes, before picking up and shutting the book gently on the delicate beaded chain that you had put together. That really got you muttering, and he huffed a soft laugh.

Your hair caught the light of the afternoon sun, shining and soft looking. The desire to run his fingers through it, to grip a fistful at the back of your head and pull you into his kiss thrummed through him. He wanted to suck your lip into his mouth for his teeth instead as you chewed on it in thought.

That was too common of a thought. You were always focusing intently on something, a million miles away as you gnawed on your poor lip and thumbs.

He shouldn’t watch you enough to know all these little details, to have all these little fantasies that are ingrained in him with simple habits of yours. But some nights it was the only thing to ease his troubled thoughts half a world away. He was just as addicted to you as his captain was to his cigars, and he was even less to give you up even if the others managed to find out about you.

It's hard not to notice a hulking man sitting in the far corner, no matter how much he blends in to the shadows. At least, it was hard for you and your friend where you were propped up on the bar with your drinks and dinner. When Caden spotted him, he nudged you in the ribs, not so subtly nodding at him as the normal Thursday night crowd milled around you. "Aren’t you in the market for a fun time?" he teased, “because that looks like a fun time.”

You elbowed him back harder in an attempt to hide how flustered you were. "Shut up," you hissed. You risked a glance towards the far corner table, the second of what would probably be at least a dozen more as the night went on. Even in the dimmest part of the bar, he seemed massive, sprawled out with his arm slung over the back of the chair and his legs spread wide into the aisle as he slowly sipped his liquor. The fuck-off vibes radiating off of him were clear even from this distance. “I don’t think he’s looking for company tonight anyway,” you said with a little disappointment. Caden rolled his eyes at you, and it devolved into your familiar bickering as he tried to convince you to approach him and you grumbled at him for trying to live vicariously through you.

He rarely indulged himself in these little trips to see you in person when he wasn’t on a mission. It felt too risky. He shouldn't be seen frequenting the same places as you, staring at you for hours on end. Normally, he wouldn’t even let himself be seen, but something was making him either bolder or stupider when it came to decisions about you. How was he supposed to resist pressing you into the cheap lacquered wood of the bar and leaning down to breathe in the smell of your hair and perfume? How could he not see if your hips felt as good in his hands as he imagined they would? It would be impossible not to press against you and see what sort of sounds you'd make with his lips pressed against your throat.

But he liked catching you looking at him, lip caught between your teeth for a brief moment as you flushed and looked away. Maybe if he were a different person, a more normal person, he could buy you a drink and flirt with you. Instead, he had camera covering every inch of your home and more than one pair of your underwear hidden away in his belongings.

The others would laugh at him if they saw how he was almost drooling over you.

You were in a heated conversation with your friend, heads close together as you whispered intently back and forth before he seemed to have to last word at the way you angrily got off your stool. From his spot, it was easy to tell which profanities you were hissing at him as you grabbed your drink. He was amused by it all for a moment until he realized you were tentatively approaching him instead of finding a different chair for your friend's partner, as was generally expected of this frequent ritual.

He knew what he looked like. A giant of a man drinking alone in a dingy, poorly lit bar did not generally get any positive interest. Apparently, you were braver than he gave you credit for. As badly as he wanted to actually interact with you, he wasn’t sure he’d actually be able to reign himself in if you tried to flirt with him. He really didn’t want to have to turn you down. If his pretty girl wanted him, he would let you have him because he had no self-control when it came to you.

Maybe that’s why he ended up letting you flirt with him and buying you another drink. It was definitely why he let you lead him to your home, pretty, soft hands occasionally reaching back for him in the cool winter air as you giggled at his terrible jokes.

It made you seem even more like a dream than you already did.

He let you hook your finger around his, leading him into your cozy, two-bedroom home. He knew all about it, had access to all the cameras that your parents and family friend insisted you setup around the older home, and had even set up other cameras to cover the blind spots you had missed. Knowing all of that was different than you leading him by the hand inside.

Not that you knew what you were inviting inside your sanctuary.

That didn’t mean that he wasn’t going to press you against your front door, letting his fingers dig into your waist to finally, finally let himself know what it felt like as he presses his mouth to yours. The soft, sweet noise of surprise that fades into a pleased hum satisfies something inside him. He would take care of you tonight, and he’d make sure to ruin every other man for you while he did it.

The gentle way you lace your fingers through his hair and crane up to meet him while he dominates your mouth was adorable. You were pliant against him, letting him drag you that much closer to his body with more soft, pleased noises. How could you be so soft and yielding to a man like him?

You make him crazy, he decides, letting his hands slide down to your thighs. The way you cling to his biceps, nails digging into his hoodie and as he yanks your thighs up around his waist make him smirk against your throat. “Which door?” he murmured against you instead of sucking bruises into the thin, delicate skin like he wanted to.

Fuck, it was hot how strong he was, you thought, locking your ankles around him. He hadn’t even made that discouraging grunt as he just wrapped you around his waist. Only one arm was supporting you as his other hand crept under your shirt to rest on the small of your back. Your back arched, pressing more firmly into him and the kisses he was lavishing on your throat. Each step he took made him grind against you, and you dug your nails in harder at the sheet size of the bulge against you. “Fuck,” you hiccupped when he nipped your throat.

“Which door, sweet girl?”

Surely there was a bruise forming now from his incessant, sucking kisses. “Left door. Kind of a mess. Sorry.”

He shrugged as he set you on a clear area of the bed, laying you back and caging you in for a moment with his body as he devoured your mouth. One of his hands was keeping your hips firmly anchored to his, grinding you against him while the other worked under your top to unhook your bra. When your hands tug at his hoodie, he sat back and yanked it off, letting your ass rest against his firm thighs for a just moment. You didn’t get to enjoy the view of his well-muscled chest for long before he was leaning over you again to divest you of your own top.

Propping himself on his elbow above you, he takes a moment to enjoy the view. You were flustered and flushed, lips plush and shiny from his rough kissing. You looked like you wanted to cover yourself and hide from his scrutiny, but you settled your hands on his sides, biting your lip and looking at him shyly. “So pretty,” he rumbled appreciatively before he was diving down to drown himself in you again. He nipped down your throat to your breasts, gently biting and licking one nipple as he worked your pants open and slipped his hand inside.

He wanted to skip ahead, throw your legs over his shoulders and fuck you until both of you were puddles on the bed. He couldn’t let himself see you against after this, though, and he knew that you wouldn’t be able to take that kind of treatment.

You were impatient to be kissed again. Hand tugging at his hair as you urged him back up your body. He let himself be tugged until his face was even with yours but just out of reach. “Patience, pretty girl,” he scolded smugly. That smugness turned into a groan with him dropping his head into the crook of your neck when he felt how wet you were for him. His fingers were practical dripping as he tried to mimic how he’d see you touch yourself. “Fuck, did you like my kisses that much, sweetheart?” he asked.

You whined, arching into the touch as best as you could under his body. His voice was sinful, low and gruff with a certainty that told you he was used to being listened to. Between that, the confident manhandling, and the way he kissed you like he couldn’t live without you, how were you supposed to stand a chance. “I want more,” you moaned instead of answering. “Vince, please.”

He huffed a laugh that registered as a little dark and sinister to some distant part of your brain as you tried to rock against his finger faster. “Be careful what you wish for, sweetheart,” he rumbled, dragging you to the edge of the bed. Before the surprise had worn off, your pants were gone and he was on his knees with your legs over his shoulders. His arm was like an iron band across your hips, preventing you from jolting away at the first hot swipe of his tongue. Both of you moaned.

It seemed to set off something animalistic in him. The low grunt and groans rumbled through you as he sucked and licked at your clit with a single-minded determination. You were lost in the sensation, trying to grind against his face despite the way he held you down, and your hands fluttered between gripping his hair, his arm, and the bedding.

If he didn’t know better, he would have thought he was in heaven. How else could he explain how it felt to hear you moan and chant his name like a pray as your thighs clenched around his head? The noise you made when he sank his fingers into you must have been the sweetest thing he’d ever hear. He was glad the camera he’d set up in the bedroom had good audio.

Your nails were digging into his arm, leaving pretty little marks that he wanted to tattoo into his skin. Your walls were fluttering around his fingers, thighs trembling against his ears as you tried to stutter out a warning that’s cut off by every muscle in your body clenching. He loved the way your body tries to pull his fingers deeper and the way your clit pulses against his tongue as he sucks on it. He only let up when you whine his name, trying to wiggle away from his grip.

He let you, taking mercy on you just this once. He couldn’t have his pretty girl tap out before the fun even started when she had begged him for more could he?

You were panting, arm thrown over your eyes to block out the light of the room. “Fuck. I didn’t know I could come that hard.”

The bed creaked as he climbed back on, manhandling you on to your stomach and shoving pillows under your hips until he deemed them in the correct spot. “Oh, darling,” he rumbled against the back of your neck, ignoring your yelp of surprise, “that sounds like a challenge to me.” Something in you clenches at the dark promise in his voice.

The bed creaked as he climbed back on, manhandling you on to your stomach and shoving pillows under your hips until he deemed them in the correct spot. “Oh, darling,” he rumbled against the back of your neck, ignoring your yelp of surprise, “that sounds like a challenge to me.” Something in you clenched at the dark promise in his voice.

His forearm was planted on the bed beside your head, supporting him as he ground his cock through the mess between your thighs. “Do you have a condom?” you manage to ask. “I’m not on anything, and I wasn’t planning on bringing anyone home with me.”

There’s a bit of panic bubbling in you, ruining the nice little high you were coasting on before he flashed a small foil packet at you. “Wasn’t exactly planning on going home with anyone myself, but how was I supposed to say no to such a pretty girl flirting with me? Just want to enjoy feeling how wet I’ve got you before I put it on.”

He didn’t like the panic in your eyes when you asked, but something in him preened at the implication that you couldn’t help but want to take him home with you. You knew he’d take care of you, didn’t you? He tore the packet open with his teeth, trying to memorize the way you looked under him even as he mourned not being able to have the full sensation of fucking you.

It was a tight fit despite how wet he had gotten you, and he held your hip to keep you in place as he eased inside you. Your soft, pretty noises as you tried to rock back into him were not helping him stay in control. “Fuck, you’re tight, sweetheart.” He was breathing deeply, head pressed between your shoulders as he reigned in the wild urge to pound you into the mattress and the clench of his balls.

“Fuck me, Vince,” you whined, struggling to push back against him. None of your toys had filled you quite like he did, and you clenched around him in an effort to get him to move.

He growled something against your shoulder, forcing your knees to open more with his own before he was plowing into you. His grip on your hip and the weight of his body pressing into you kept you pinned in place as he started up a steady, hard rhythm that had his balls tapping your sensitive clit with each thrust. It had you moaning curses as your hands wrapped around his wrists in a vain attempt to do something. “You wanted me to fuck you, sweetheart. Now be a good girl for me and take it,” he said, hot breath ghosting across your overheated skin before he was sinking his teeth into the meat of your shoulder.

His firm hold hadn’t relented, forcing you to take what he gave you and scramble to hold on to something. There was already a tightness building in your abdomen, and it only grew faster as he found the perfect angle. “Please don’t stop. Shit. Please, please, please,” you hissed, eyes squeezed shut tight as you chased your orgasm. As if solely to be cruel to you, he pulled away. “No, no, no, no. Fuck. Please, Vince!” You looked over your shoulder at him to try to see why he was leaving you high and dry just in time for him to flip you on to your back and sink into you again.

He looked smug and rumpled in the best way as he found his rhythm again. His dark eyes smirked down at you while that thick, calloused thumb found your clit. You wrapped around him, trying to make sure he couldn’t do that again. He kissed you for a moment, and you could still taste yourself on his tongue. “Hush, pretty girl. I’m going to take care of you. I just want to look at you when you cum.” His shot straight through you, and it was just enough to send you over the over the edge.

Your thighs clamped around his sides, nails scratching down his back. He watched you throw back your head, whispering a choked off version of his name as he tried to keep his rhythm steady. It was hard with you clenched around him so tight and the feeling of finally having you under him. “That’s it. That’s my good girl,” he murmured, petting your waist gently. He managed to keep it together until your thighs relaxed against him and you started making that needy overstimulated noise even as you arched into his touch and rocked up to meet him.  

He wasn’t sure that he had ever cum that hard or that much. It seemed to go on forever as you kept grinding on his ridged body.

He managed to roll off of you before he collapsed, taking a moment to let his bones solidify again before he got to work cleaning both of you up.

[nepheia]

07 ∙ the hidden yizhan song no one is talking about: return to zero

[ ✼ part 7 of the self is not me, but us series ]

yes, we're all victims of the goodnight syndrome — myself included, because it's been like three weeks or something and i still have it on loop. i'll get to that in the next part, where you'll realise i am! absolutely! not normal! about that song!

BUT. also dropping on that same day was return to zero, which i haven't really seen too many people talk about. to me, it's as heavily yizhan-coded as goodnight, if a little subtler, and not just because of the mountains on the lyrics poster (which thankfully aren't snow-capped, else i would've been Even More Insane):

if goodnight is yz in the present, in their disgustingly sweet power husbands married couple era, then return to zero is yz in the past, circa 2018.

❝ the silence of sighs and someone's secret time flows backwards the blurs of light and shadow confusion and clarity ❞

this verse and the nature-related imagery of the lyrics took me back to the tail end of that whirlwind summer, where — if you'll let me project a little — both xz and yb were likely having to confront the intimacy they've shared over the course of filming cql.

after months of "time-travelling" every day (jumping between past to present-day wangxian, from period to modern-day yizhan), xz had to leave their little bubble of security. the cast and crew who've taken in stride their egregiously open secret, their egregiously open displays of affection. the convenient excuse of playing soulmates in a passion project they don't even know will air. 

he had to go back to a time where they didn't get to spend hours and hours together every day. to a time where he would have both clarity ("if i spend time apart from him, maybe i'll be able to figure out what this is") and confusion ("but now that i've experienced it, can i unlearn what it's like to spend every waking moment with him?").

he had to take that japan trip to walk away from wei ying and, as some say, to figure out who exactly he felt those emotions for.

❝ the letter that was never sent and the you who is unknown ❞

re: "never sent" — for those of you familiar with the japan trip cpn, there's the wechat block theory… i've always been ambivalent about that so i won't include that here. but that's an alternate and very applicable line of thought!!

there really was no need for letters, was there? because that "i miss you" may have been woven onto a cap, but it might as well have been a loudspeaker, with how persistently and publicly its owner wore it. and well, xz did figure it out sometime during that trip. after all, when he came home, the modern man wasn't unknown anymore; he was going to be named c:

❝ it turns out reality and the dream world zero out together ❞

where did you find love, xz was asked once. in a dream, he said.

and what could be more dreamlike than finding your soulmate while filming a story about, well, soulmates?

you could read these two lines as xz resurfacing from that trip with a more nuanced answer to "is what i feel because of the role or because of the person?". fiction and reality have cancelled each other out, because he is allowed to have both. (to keep with the theme of multiple selves: he is both.) his feelings for yb are as real as they come, and they can co-exist with the realisation that as the person who brought wei ying to life on screen, a part of him will always love lan zhan. that's the kind of story you will never, ever be able to tell again. 

but i also like to think of these lines as his thought process during that trip.

it always made sense to me that xz maybe needed some time to think about it all, and to figure out how to reconcile what they have (dream) with what they're allowed to have (reality). they were both rising stars with a lot to lose, but they're also just people, who i believe were — are — acutely aware that this isn't something you find every day, sometimes never even in a lifetime.

so he decides they'll make it work.

and you know when the books describe the oh moment? when the world seems to pause on its axis, when everything is suddenly clear and bright and beautiful?

❝ the wind is flying past the fog is dusted over the sky suddenly held its breath ❞

❝ a loud explosion from the moment i saw you ❞

yeah stand up mister xiao "team love-over-time but suddenly couldn't say that when roseonly asked if he believed in love at first sight" zhan

⎯⎯ ୨୧ ⎯⎯

and now just for fun, because i'm already insane and might as well go all in:

🎪 bonus round — a series of cute etymological coincidences!

remember i said thankfully no snowy mountains in the poster visual? 

零 (zero), like many a chinese character, is made up of different component characters or radicals: 雨 (rain) + 令 (lots of different meanings depending on context, sorry!!). coincidentally, this is the same 令 as in 陈情令 / cql, and we also know xz and yb are both self-proclaimed rainy day enjoyers.

coincidentally also, 零 (zero) and 雪 (snow) both share the same 雨 radical.

i yoyo quite intensely between the idea that obviously no one has the goddamn time to think about all this (except me, apparently) and that this is also xz's specific brand of nerdy linguistics (• ◡•)

⋆

← prev ┊ part 6: the elephant in the room: reading this album as a cpf → next ┊ part 8: on goodnight, all the same, and the ordinariness of love

[elaho]

Stardew Valley MBTI x Enneagram: Sebastian

Following my previous posts about the Stardew marriage candidates and their MBTI types, I've been learning more about Enneagram, how it pairs with MBTI, and how it changes some of the typical characteristics of each type.

The Enneagram and MBTI complement each other wonderfully, providing greater depth and understanding of how a person interacts with the world [Cognitive Functions] and their motivations why [Core Desire/Core Fear].

Here are my thoughts on Sebastian's MBTI and Enneagram.

Sebastian - INTP 5w4: “The Iconoclast”

“INTP 5w4 are very sufficient people. They pride themselves on being competent and self-sufficient. They strive to achieve this by gathering as much knowledge as they can. Thus, INTP 5w4 tries to avoid relying too much on others for anything. They are on a constant quest to discover as much as they can from the world and their various projects.” – Personality Hunt

Sebastian’s Core Desire: To be self-sufficient and significant

The core desire of the INTP 5w4 is to be self-sufficient. They want to stand out and be recognized for what they know and can do. Gaining knowledge and expertise is one way they do this, but they also want to be seen as unique and one-of-a-kind.

While Sebastian's core desire might not be obvious at first glance, after he gets to know the farmer a bit more, he starts to open up and share more intimate details about himself, albeit subtly. Apart from his dialogue, his chilly demeanour towards the farmer [at first] and his reluctance to attend community festivals indicate his desire for independence and individuality.

"If I just disappeared would it really matter?"

“I've always felt like an underdog. But the challenge will just make me stronger.”

“Once I've saved up enough money, I'm going to head out on my own... to the city and beyond. Just me and my bike.”

“I often felt unappreciated back home... but here I feel like I really belong. Thanks for making me feel welcome, Farmer.”

Sebastian’s Core Fear: Becoming incompetent [and needing to rely on others]

The core fear of the INTP 5w4 is becoming incompetent. They want to maintain their independence and live life on their own terms. They dread having their autonomy or identity taken away by depending on other people or systems for their needs.

For the same reasons why he doesn't share his core desire outright, Sebastian has difficulty sharing his weaknesses for fear of being seen as incompetent. However, once he feels safe sharing, we see him slowly reveal his fear of becoming dependent.

“You know, if I'd gone to college I'd probably be making six figures right now... but I just don't want to be part of that corporate rat race, you know?”

"Why ruin the potluck? Hmm… I guess some people feel liberated when the rigid structures of society break down a little. Maybe I'm weird."

“I wonder what's for dinner tonight... *grumble*” “I should learn how to cook. That would be useful.”

“I don't want to get soft now that I'm a married guy. Maybe I should start eating more hot pepper and working out? Just an idea...”

----------------------------------------------------------------------

How Enneagram 5w4 changes typical INTP behaviour:

New Strengths

1. Interest in Art or Music

Because of their 4 wing, INTP 5w4s might be interested in art or music. However, whether it's a major passion for them or just a side hobby will depend on the strength of their wing.

We certainly see Sebastian's interest in music with his synthesizer skills; however, we also see art among his other niche hobbies, such as reading fiction, creating interesting snowmen, and even carving daggers out of obsidian.

Examples:

"I built a snowgoon but Demetrius made me get rid of it.” “Hey, me too. There's nothing like a good fiction to push the boundaries of the imagination.” “The show went well. I was kind of nervous beforehand, but once we went up on stage I just kinda got into the zone.”

“Is that obsidian? This is exactly what I've been looking for... I'm gonna see if I can shape it into a dagger.”

2. More Sensitive

Depending on the strength of their wing, INTP 5w4s might also have a sensitive side. This doesn't just apply to emotions, but a sensitivity to the environment and the 'vibes' it gives off. Thanks to their 4 wing, INTP 5w4s will likely have a more developed inferior function [Extroverted Feeling - Fe]; however, they will almost always put logic first.

Examples:

"Don't make fun of me... but I've never really had a girlfriend before.”

“Hey... It's been a year since we started dating, remember? It's been the best year of my life...���

“Demetrius has been all wound up because of [Maru’s] wedding, it's been pretty tense around the house.”

“My mom's freaking out, but I'm actually kind of enjoying this…I'm gonna stay here to try and keep her calm, though.”

“I come here for the peace and quiet.”

“I like winter but I do feel bad for all the cold animals out there. I guess they're used to it, though... like me.”

3. More Inclined to Learn on Their Own

Both type 5s and INTPs are passionate about learning, making the combination of both types make INTP 5w4s even more likely to dive into things independently and make tremendous progress. In fact, many self-taught professionals who have made major strides in their careers have been INTP 5w4s.

This is because type 5 wants to be self-sufficient and type 4 wants to be independent, meaning most 5w4s prefer to learn and obtain new information independently and without needing external initiative.

Examples:

"What are you trying to say... I need to work out? Well, I'm more of a 'nimble' guy... Maybe I'll read the first half.”

“I did some work on the laptop today. I was actually brainstorming some ideas for a game I want to make. With your farming income, I can afford to do what I want with my life. It's pretty amazing. Thank you.”

"I do freelance work as a programmer."

“*yawn*... I was up until 3 reading this new book...”

4. Outward Show of Affection

INTPs aren't the most natural or comfortable at outwardly expressing affection. Expressing affection or emotion can be challenging and awkward for INTPs due to Extroverted Feeling [Fe] being the lowest in their function stack. However, because their Fe is slightly more developed due to their wing, INTP 5w4s will be slightly better at it.

Sometimes this can take the form of writing or poetry, but regardless of the method, the partners of INTP 5w4s will certainly receive more outward expressions of love and affection.

Examples:

"Hey, another rainy day... perfect. You look cold... here, come closer.”

“Hey. Look at me. Never forget that I love you... you're everything to me. Now go make us some money.”

“Hey... come here. You look great today.”

5. More Isolated

INTP 5w4s are very introverted, even more so than 5w6s. Because of this, they tend to self-isolate frequently and require much more time alone than typical introverts. Because their minds are running at top speed 24/7, they need extra time to spend on their hobbies or interests or simply be alone to decompress.

Without sufficient alone time, they can become stressed, overwhelmed, or worst-case scenario, suffer a mental breakdown. This doesn't mean they don't need or want relationships, however. It simply means their introversion typically requires them to spend more time alone than with others.

Examples:

"I'm glad the path to the railroad tracks is open again. I like going up there when I feel like being alone...Which is often.”

"Why don't you tell me about your day when we're in bed tonight? I'm kind of busy right now..."

“You don't ever have to worry about me. I like to spend a lot of time alone.”

“The older I get, the less I'm drawn to the city. It had a certain mystique to it, once. But it turns out that was just a romantic fantasy. The city's so busy, so full of people... I don't belong there. I'm a loner.”

“I couldn't sleep last night so I went for a night ride on the motorcycle. I need to stay independent, even though we're married. That's just how I am. I still love you, though.”

New Weaknesses

1. More Detached

If INTP 5w4s don't find the right balance of alone and social time, they can quickly spiral from needing alone time to discarding their relationships entirely. This will ultimately cause harm to both the INTP 5w4 and those who care about them, sometimes causing irreparable damage.

On the other hand, sometimes INTP 5w4s can get so caught up in hobbies or intellectual pursuits that they forget to take care of practical things - like eating or doing laundry. While typical INTPs often struggle to meet their practical needs, INTP 5w4s increased tendency to detach makes this even worse.

Examples:

"I don't really need friends. You're the only person I need in my life. Is that weird? I guess I'm not like most people."

"When I take walks I do my best to avoid everyone. I hate being pressured into small talk."

“If you need to go see your friends in town, go ahead. I like being alone, anyways.”

"Sorry, I didn't make any dinner. We might have a frozen pizza in the fridge or something. I dunno, my mind was elsewhere. It's hard to remember to do chores...”

2. Extremely Stubborn

"INTP 5w4s will be a lot more stubborn than typical INTPs. 5w4s brings with it some core values that they live by.

Thus, INTP 5w4 will hold on to those values and resist any attempt to sway them. While this makes them less likely to be people-pleasers, it can also hold them back in many ways.

It might also make them believe that their point of view is always the right one." - Personality Hunt

Examples:

"Ugh... Tomorrow is the worst festival of the year by a mile. Just wait and see how stupid I look during the flower dance.”

“Oh... tomorrow's the flower dance, isn't it? Do we have to go? I hate wearing that ridiculous tight jumpsuit. Why does Lewis make us do this?”

[At the Flower Dance] “Ugh...” [At the Flower Dance] “I didn't come here by choice.”

[At the Flower Dance, Married] “Maybe we can sit this one out, since we’re old married people now?”

[At the Flower Dance, Married] “You're the only reason I came all the way out here...”

3. More Subjective

INTPs are typically rational people, but because of their wing, INTP 5w4s will look at things more subjectively than usual. Depending on the strength of their 4 wing, they may hold on to certain sentiments or ideas even after they've been proven wrong.

Sebastian seems to hold negative sentiments about living in Pelican Town; however, after befriending the farmer, he starts to see things from a different perspective, allowing him to start changing his mind about living long-term in Stardew Valley.

Examples:

"Out of all the places you could live, you chose Pelican Town?”

“You probably prefer the small-town life, huh?”

"Well, I'm trying to save up so I can move out of here. Probably to the city or something.”

“The city used to draw me in... but now I'm finding myself happier at home in the valley.”

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INTP 5w4s as Melancholics

"The melancholy temperament is often a perfect fit for the INTP 5w4 because of their similarities. Melancholics are often described as intense, smart, and a bit pessimistic. INTP 5w4s are intense people. This is down to their analytical tendencies. The presence of their wing also makes them emotionally intense. However, this is suppressed." –Personality Hunt

Examples:

"I was thinking... people are like stones skipping over the water. Eventually we're going to sink."

“I dunno where I'd be without you... probably in a ditch somewhere.”

“Why does everyone like Maru so much? Sure, she's smart and friendly, but don't they realize it's all just an attention-grabbing scam.”

“What's the point of going outside? I've already seen it all.”

“I was *this* close to moping in bed the entire day. Kinda wish I had, now.”

“Nothing surprises me anymore... nothing makes me laugh. Yeah, I know... I'm being a little dramatic.”

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Conclusion

Sebastian is an interesting character to analyze. His loner attitude and self-isolating tendencies were challenging for me to decipher. Was he just being this way to be 'edgy', to 'stand apart' from the crowd, or was his behaviour part of his core personality? After looking through the game events and all his pre- and post-marriage dialogue, I believe both sentiments are true.

Sebastian's Enneagram type 5 desire for self-sufficiency, his wing 4 desire for individuality, and his MBTI cognitive strengths as an INTP, all explain why he acts the way he does - at least, in part. His transformation in-game isn't as dramatic as someone like Shane; however, we see him open up more and start finding his place in the world - away from that dark, windowless basement and toxic birth family.

With support from the farmer, he becomes a more positive, more devoted and affectionate partner, who, paradoxically, starts asserting true independence [such as quitting smoking] without abandoning the connections that matter to him most.

Do you agree that Sebastian is an INTP 5w4? If not, what type do you think he is? Let me know your thoughts in the comments :)

--------------------------------------------------------------------- References:

Personality Hunt: INTP 5w4 - The Complete Guide