#i always related a little too hard to his directional difficultie

[demiromonoazoro]

what if I told you zoro's directional difficulties were due to his autism?

in other words, autistics often (not always!) struggle to follow maps and verbal directions (survery-based navigation), but can find their way around areas they are familiar with like, say, a ship their home with no difficulty (route-based)

[gasolinerainbowpuddles]

𝑭𝑬𝑹𝑨𝑳 𝑾𝑶𝑴𝑨𝑵 ║ Chapter 10 - Don't Run. You Will Only Die Tired.

| FERAL WOMAN | series masterlist | main masterlist | | PAIRING(s): Joel Miller x fem!OC

| RATING: explicit material | 18+ | WORD COUNT: 5k | CHAPTER WARNINGS: heavy topics relating to captivity, SA, sewer slide, difficulties with intimacy following SA, PTSD, etc. The whole thing is a doozy.

| CHAPTER SUMMARY: You've waited so long for good things, and now it's hard to be patient when they're just within reach. Against your better judgment, you push yourself. Joel pushes back.

║ＰＲＥＶＩＯＵＳ ║⋄── •✧• ──⋄║ ＮＥＸＴ ║

Please read with caution if you have difficulties with works concerning: SA, physical violence, torture, captivity, trauma, and similar topics as they are discussed throughout the series. All highly sensitive portions WILL BE MARKED with my sensitive material banner if you wish to skip the more challenging portions. The sensitive material banner looks like this:

Joel liked you. You didn’t need to prove anything to him. You didn’t need to be anything in particular for him to want to spend time with you. It was something you had to continuously remind yourself of. And yet, the voice in your mind kept quietly nagging: why does he want to take things slow?

You’d done a very bad job of doing anything remotely close to “taking things slow,” and you felt guilty every so often when you realized just how much of that you were putting on Joel to oversee and manage. After years of torment, it was hard for your logical side to convince your emotional side to not just dive headfirst into all of these good feelings. It’s been so long since you’d felt happiness like this, and to deny yourself of it felt like a betrayal in many ways. What was the harm in going a little faster? What was the risk of doing more, and sooner?

Joel felt strongly about it, however, and you did your best to respect that. You wanted him with a fervor so unfamiliar to you that you sometimes had to force yourself to not push those boundaries too far and too hard. There was always the risk of you getting triggered or overwhelmed, but the longer you had to wait for those good feelings and sensations, the more it seemed like a calculated risk worth taking.

You aren’t sure when the shift happened, but not being physically or sexually connected to Joel made you feel antsy. When you cuddled on the couch or exchanged intimate kisses, you felt confident and sure of yourself and your relationship. When you were doing literally anything else, you were flooded with uncertainty and self-doubt. You could be in the same room together, but if you weren’t touching, that chasm of ambiguity and anxiety began to swallow you whole.

Joel had picked up on the change because of course he had. At first you didn’t want to admit to him how desperate and needy you were for something that he time and again executed refrain and patience for. It left you feeling like all the desire and want was one-sided. Eventually you admitted the truth to him. He took it in stride as he always did with your ricochet of doubt and worry and elation. He’d carefully - thoughtfully - suggested the two of you think of non-sexual ways to build intimacy and trust. When he asked if you had anything in mind, you already had an answer.

The heat of the water fogged up the mirrors in Joel’s bathroom. It had been running for a few minutes now, and the tub was nearly filled. You hadn’t had a bath in months. You hadn’t had an actual bath in a tub in … you can’t even remember when. The flower marking on your hip had meant you needed to avoid submerging the open scarring until it fully healed, but you wouldn’t have been sinking into a warm pool of water anyway. It carried too much weight to be indulged on a whim.

“You really aren’t going to get in with me?” you ask quietly as you watch the line of water rise.

“I jus’ think it’s, uh, safer that way.” Joel scratches the back of his neck. “Ya know, jus’ to… keep things goin’ in the right direction.”

You sigh and shoot him a watery smile. “Alright. I understand.”

He curls his hand around yours and gives a small squeeze. “Jus’ because it ain’t today doesn’t mean it won’t ever happen.”

You wrap your arms around one of his and hug tight. “I know,” you say, trying your best to not sound disappointed. The commiserating grin Joel gives you let’s you know you probably aren’t doing a great job at hiding it. Joel leans over and turns off the water. He makes a low grunt as he straightens back up again.

“I think that’ll do it. Do you want me to….?” he trails off and glances in the direction of the door. 

“No, stay. Please. And, do you think– I mean, if you want to— that you could undress me?” you ask.

Joel swallows thickly and makes a noise of uncertainty.

“I—” you immediately falter. “I want. For when it happens – for when that happens – that it’s… something I asked to happen.”

You aren’t sure if your explanation will suffice to convey all the scope of what you’re asking. Joel’s eyes narrow as his head tilts, but there’s still an element of doubt. So, you try again.

“I want for you to.. undress me because–it’s what I— for me to…. I want it to think of it as a good thing, and not s-something that means.. something that means something bad is about to happen to me,” you manage to get out.

Joel’s eyes close briefly. He takes a deep breath. It seems he did understand what you meant without further explanation, but that maybe he was wishing he was wrong in his interpretation.

“Of course. I– Of course we can do that, honey. Let me– how d’ya wanna go about it?”

“M-Maybe we do it together? The first time?” you suggest.

He nods slowly, watching your face closely. You reach out to his hands and guide them to your t-shirt. You drag them slowly upward before raising your hands above your head and allow Joel to pull your shirt off. He drops it to the floor and carefully awaits your next instruction. You ask if he can kiss you “in a small way,” and he thankfully understands. After a few gentle, slow presses of your lips together, you feel grounded enough again to continue. Soon enough, you’re standing bare before him and feel completely safe and sane. You even surprise yourself at the lack of nerves.

Even if there had been any to begin with, they would’ve quickly melted away under Joel’s attention and care as he eases you into the water and pours a cupful of it along your scalp a few times. You don’t bother not ogling him as he removes his long sleeved shirt so the sleeves don’t get drenched. You catch his almost shy grin.

“Like what ya see?” he teases.

“I’m full on naked, okay? I think it’s only fair I get to stare at you a little bit,” you point out.

He huffs a laugh and rolls his eyes. “Remember that ain’t what this is supposed’ta be.”

You both pull back on your giddy grins. It was so hard to ignore the rushing feelings of excited nerves and anticipation for what this new romantic and sexual aspect of your relationship would bring. But he was right. This was supposed to be about intimacy outside of those things. You’re sure if you thought about it too much for too long that you’d get nervous. Asking restraint from a man. Asking for respect of your body and your boundaries. Laying open and bare for the taking, but asking and trusting you won’t be. Not without your permission. Asking – daring to ask – to be touched and cared for in a way that does nothing for the other person. A test of morals and trust.

You sit in a quiet silence for the most part, a comfortable bubble with just you and Joel. He gently washes your body, pausing every now and then as he waits for your verbal consent for his hands to be on your body, your most intimate parts. Somehow it doesn’t feel sexual. You were sure when he got to your breasts or private areas, you’d feel aroused. Instead it was much the same as any other part.  You just felt safe and warm and content.

The only shift comes when he begins washing your hair. He feels you tense for a split second and stops. “I don’t hafta do your hair if you’re not—”

“No. I- I want you to wash my hair. More than anything else, actually. It’s–It’s the reason I even suggested you bathing me as part of that... thing you said. Trying for the nonsexual stuff.”

“Okay. It’s just, you sorta flinched when I–”

“Mae used to wash my hair,” you interrupt hastily. “We would do it for each other.”

Joel is quiet for a moment. Then, “Your friend, right? The one you, uh, lost?”

You nod somberly. “I miss it. I miss doing that for each other. I miss her.”

“Somethin’ y’all did together a lot?” he asks delicately.

Your face warms with a smile. “Yeah. It was some of the only times we were alone, so we could actually talk about things. Help each other. Comfort each other.”

Joel makes a contemplative noise. He pauses again. You can feel his hesitation, nervous to say the wrong thing. Nervous to take one of your few good memories from the past couple of years and ruin it. You already had so little from your time in captivity. He didn’t want to take the crumbs that were left.

“That sounds nice. I’m glad y’all had each other.”

“It was nice,” you agree softly. “We would wash our own bodies most of the time. Sometimes after… certain things, when you can’t hardly stand to be in your body, let alone touch it and bathe it… we’d help each other those times. But, mostly it was washing each other’s hair. Just felt nice for there to be somebody touching you that wasn’t meant to hurt you. To own you.”

You take a deep breath and lean into Joel’s gentle massaging motions. “Feels good, baby,” you whisper.

“Wanna make you feel good. Wanna make you feel safe,” he responds with equal tenderness.

“You do.” You close your eyes and smile when you feel Joel’s gentle kiss on your temple.

“You can, uh.. you can talk about her, if you want. Mae. I’d like to hear about her, if you’re able.” He sounds so docile and soft. He feels like the warm bath water soaking into your skin. He feels like the blanket of soothing heat that surrounds you.

You find the words spilling out without any effort. There’s no gruesome gnarl or knot of pain in your chest. You feel light. It feels good to talk about her. To keep her memory alive. To give her the sort of eulogy and tribute she deserves. She deserved so much more. Joel is a good audience – asking questions at all the right spots, chuckling quietly when you share funny tidbits, running comforting strokes up and down your back when you recall harder times.

You find yourself able to work all the way up to her final day. “They were going to take her. He-Sam. Sam was annoyed with her over something. I don’t know what. Said he didn’t want her sleeping in the room with us that night. Said she was gonna have to sleep naked out there with the rest of the crew.”

You swallow hard and flick aimlessly at the bathwater. Joel is still as a statue beside you with only the measured pull and release of air through his nose letting you know he was still there.

“She knew what that meant. She was already–she wasn’t better yet from a few days before… we were still trying to look after some of her injuries…..,” you meander through the memory. “I just think she knew she might not survive the night anyway.”

Your eyes sting with tears. You sniff some of them back. “She looked at me, and I knew. Not exactly, but I knew she was going to make a break for it right then and there. I just froze. It’s like I was stuck. I just stood there while she took her chance and tackled one of the guys.”

“She got him to the ground?” Joel sounds surprised.

“Managed to get him to the ground and wrestle his gun from him, actually,” you answer in a flat tone.

“She got away?” His suspended disbelief at the implication was palpable.

You turn to look at him in confusion, your brows scrunching together. “No, of course not. She shot herself.”

It’s said as though any other outcome was preposterous. What on earth would she have done in that situation? Other than take her own life, put an end to all of it? The idea that Mae would’ve ever managed to escape and flee without being apprehended and, at best, beaten to death, was downright farcical. Joel froze, holding your gaze. “Shit,” he mumbles. “Fuck, I’m sorry. I didn’t think that’s what you meant.” “Yeah,” you whisper quietly. The water sloshes around you abruptly as Joel clings to you, pulling you into his arms with fervor. You’re caught off guard, but you quickly return the hug, wrapping your arms around his middle as he gently rocks  you back and forth in the water.

Each day carried on, and you found yourself slipping into the comfort of simple bonding with Joel. Grocery store trips. Trying out a recipe together. Walking hand in hand to and from the patrol station. You’d even managed to convince him to play something for you on the guitar and not just when you were already half asleep. It was a familiarity that evolved into an often uncomplicated shared intimacy.

You didn’t jump every time he surprised you with a hand on your back from behind. He could rub your leg as you sat next to each other on the couch, and it didn’t make you feel antsy. He leaned into your hand as it scratched along his scalp, his head lolling in your lap. He’d started to loosen up a bit and not hold back as much. Hugging you tighter. Holding you closer. Kissing you harder.

The feel of his lips against your own as you made out on the couch was absolutely divine. It made you feel giddy and light just to go in between lazy kisses and feverish making out, off and on for however long Ellie was out of the house with some friends. You giggle at the slip of his tongue curling between your bottom teeth and lip. 

“God you taste good,” he mutters.

“Not too much jerky flavor?” you titter against his mouth. You can feel him smile against yours.

“Mmmm, just the right amount. Really does it for me, ya know?” he teases. “Always dreamed of findin’ me a woman with a passion for dehydrated and cured meats.”

You snort a laugh at his harmless taunting and pull him back onto you. You roll your hips into his and swallow his groan. You wrap your legs around his back and cross your ankles at his tailbone, pulling him closer to you. He follows your lead and presses himself into you and meets your mouth in a passionate kiss. You moan and whimper at the unchecked pace, at the uninhibited way he licks and nips into your mouth.

His smell is intoxicating, and you quickly find yourself lost in him. The feel of him is all around you, and what began as a welcomed overwhelming sensation has begun shifting into something unnerving and overbearing. You ignore it, try to push past it, but your chest starts to feel tight. Joel is broad and strong above you, and he’s lost in the kiss you’re still eagerly returning. You make a trembling whimper he mistakes for encouragement to continue. He’s pressing into you, touching you, tasting you. It’s now suffocating and upsetting.

“J-Joel,” you shake out. He groans eagerly in response. Your heart is beating a million miles an hour. You need to stop. He needs to stop. You need for him to stop. Now.

“Joel.” It comes out clipped and tense, not at all the calm, casual remark you had planned. As expected, Joel immediately freezes and pulls up, giving himself enough space to wildly search your features for an answer of what he had changed, what had he done to make you feel uncomfortable. “No, no. It’s okay. I just need, I just think I need a minute, and I’ll be okay. Okay? J-Just a minute,” you insist with a shaky voice. Your lip trembles. The back of your eyes start to pinch. Joel doesn’t look convinced. You bring your hands to either side of his face, a soft gesture to prove your interlude is just that, nothing more. Anything but the truth. You can’t tell him the truth. You don’t know why your head is suddenly spinning. If he knows something is wrong, he might not let go again like this. It felt so good until it hadn’t. You couldn’t lose it. You couldn’t give Joel a reminder of how broken you were.

“Darlin’,” he starts, and the reluctance in his voice kills you. You rest his forehead against yours and close your eyes. You will just have to work through this at the same time that you are convincing him to not give this moment up. You try your best with attending to the whirlwind of anxiety gripping your gut and the deep-seated need for him to cover every square inch of your body in kisses. “No no no. It’s okay. It’s okay. I just-I just need a minute,” you beg. “That’s all. That’s it. Just give me a minute, Joel.” Your heavy breathing and antsy tone only serve to undermine your appeals. 

Your eyes flutter open from being screwed shut in concentration when you feel Joel shift above you.  He shakes his head and positions himself to sit beside you with a modest berth between you. You start to feel the anger bubble up inside your gut, threatening to rise up your throat and come out as acidic remarks.

“All I need– I just—” your lips tingle and burn. “Why can’t you just be patient with me?” you snap.

You aren’t sure why you’re acting so indignant. It wasn’t as if you deserved Joel’s patience, his understanding, his compassion. And yet here you were, demanding he return what wasn’t even rightfully yours.

“You’re forcin’ yourself to be okay with it, and I just can’t do that.” His tone is firm but tender.

“I’m not!” you argue, flinging yourself over him to straddle his lap as if to emphasize your point.

Your lips crash into his, but they weren’t met with the previous fervor. Joel yet again pulls away, and you grasp at the back of his head to pull him back. When you try to kiss him again, his arms find their way to you, gently restraining you enough to put space between you.

“Why won’t you just give me a minute?!” you bark, enraged at him shutting the entire moment down. Rejecting you. Rejecting your body, your advances - one of the few things you had of value to offer him. He starts to reposition you further away, but you beat him to the punch. You push off him and off the couch, stomping towards the door. Joel was behind you before you could cross the threshold, his arm blocking your passage as his hand gripped the doorjamb. Joel had just rejected you, and now he was refusing to let you wallow in your mortification privately. 

“Sweetheart, I’m givin’ you a minute by givin’ you some space,” he explains calmly. 

“No you’re not! You’re turning me down. Like-Like you don’t even want me. You could just give me a minute to think for a second.” You march angrily towards the wall, not sure where you were headed exactly, but unable to bear Joel being nearby. Your shame flares in his proximity. Again, he follows behind you, loudly enough that you instinctively know it is for your benefit. For some reason this only makes you angrier. You whip around, your back against the wall, to glare at the man who had rejected your advances and appeal to patience. “If you had just given me a SECOND I would have been fine!” You feel the angry tears brimming.

He holds his hands out to the side, open and welcoming but not demanding. Why won’t he just snatch you up and bury his tongue in your mouth? “I could have worked through it, Joel. I wanted to, but you wouldn’t let me! If you had just let me, if you had just given me a second I could’ve-” you croak. 

Your hands ball into tight fists, tightening even more as Joel’s face morphs into a sort of pitying expression.  “I could’ve done it. I could have been normal! It could have been normal. I could have done it if you had just let me. I could have worked through it and been fine and had a normal kiss with you I could’ve done it if you had just let me I could’ve been normal for you for once I could’ve been a normal-”

Your incoherent babbling dissolves into quiet sobs. You feel Joel’s familiar warm embrace surround you, grounding you. He shushes and soothes and caresses, all while you cry into his shoulder in defeat.

Your eyes are still red from yesterday afternoon. You splash ice cold water on your face. It doesn’t help. You’d left in a hurry once Joel let you go. You could feel he wanted to chase after you, to fix it, to comfort you, but he didn’t. He stopped himself because of you. Because you can’t handle basic physical interactions. You can’t handle being intimate with somebody, even if they’re safe and warm and soothing. None of that matters when you’re a broken person. Joel couldn’t do the normal thing of comforting you because you were nothing more than a hobbled mess of a person, fragments of humanity pieced together haphazardly. 

You’d been lying to yourself when you said you could be normal for him. You were never going to be normal for him, for anyone. He deserves more. He deserves more than somebody who can’t manage to avoid a panic attack, some several months of living in the sliver of paradise that still existed in the apocalypse. If you couldn’t be enough for him here, you’d never be enough for him anywhere.

Your shoes drag along the dirt as you make your way to his house. You’d watched for Ellie to leave. You weren’t sure how long you had. You hoped you could make it quick and painless for him. For you, though, you figured crying yourself to sleep tonight was a best case scenario.

Your knock on the door is timid. Nothing like the bouncing rap of knuckles you’d usually greet it with. The door swings open. Joel looks like he’s been waiting for you to show up. No surprise in his face whatsoever. His eyes are soft and light. It makes you want to burst into tears.

“Hey, darlin’. Come on i—”

“You deserve to be with someone who isn’t so much work,” you say flatly. 

Joel opens his mouth to argue, but you hold a hand up to stop him. “Please just listen to me, Joel.” 

He closes his mouth but looks as though he has already decided to disagree with whatever you plan on telling him. He wordlessly wraps an arm around your back and ushers you inside. You start speaking again before he has a chance to close the door. If you put this off, you’re sure to be a coward and not do what needs to be done. For Joel. You’re doing this for Joel. You aren’t going to burden him with your baggage. You have to break things off. He deserves someone normal. Someone capable of kissing him without having a meltdown.

“Please don’t take this like I want you to tell me I’m wrong and that you’re going to win me back or something. I-I’m serious, Joel. You deserve more than… more than what I can give you.” Your words get lodged in your throat, hot and sticky and heavy.

Joel rests his hands on his hips and relaxes a leg. He almost looks impatient with you. You try to hurry up and finish so you’re not wasting anymore of his time.

“I-I… It’s hard f-for me to accept, but I do accept it. I can’t make you happy, and you deserve to be happy,” you choke out. “I wish I could fix me, but I just don’t think it’s ever gonna happen.” Joel makes no move to comfort you or wipe away the tears that have started falling onto your cheekbones. Good. He’s already moving on. This is good. This is what you wanted. This is what’s best for him. He’s better without you dragging him down.

“I just know in the end it will not have been worth it. Just-Just wasting your  time - the little time we all have left in this awful world. I’m not going to let you waste it on me.” Your sniffles turn into rapid intakes of air before leveling out again. “Ya done?” he asks pointedly with a raised brow.

“I-Yes. I’m done,” you answer meekly. Now all that was left was for Joel to send you on your way.

“Good, because now it’s your turn to listen.” His eyes burn with something new. Something you’ve not seen before, certainly not directed at you. It makes your tummy flip. “All that? That’s not really for you to decide,” he says coolly. “Wh-What?” you balk. “What’s not for me to decide?” “What makes me happy. What is worth my time. How I want to spend the rest of my life.” His nostrils flare, but you know he’s not angry at you. Maybe some version of you that’s trying to run away. But not at you. You aren’t sure how you know it, but you do. “Joel,” you sigh, exasperated at his persistence. You knew there was a chance he would argue with you, but you still find yourself unprepared for the tenacity radiating from him. “No. You don’t get to decide any of that for me. If you didn’t want me - if you didn’t want us - that would be one thing. But this? This bullshit? Not your call, sweetheart.” Joel’s gaze levels with yours, and you could see in his eyes this was not a challenge you were going to win. “Joel, it’s not right for me to-”

He takes his first steps forward then. His entire palm covers your cheek. He tilts your head up. “Tell me you want to end things because you want them to end. Not because of me, not for some sort of happiness I’m supposed’ta have with you outta the picture. Tell me you want it over because you don’t want it,” he demands. “Say right now you don’t want me. That you don’t want us. Say it.” You open your mouth a few times, but the words to make Joel understand you were doing this for his benefit never materialize. “Tell me you don’t want me,” he demands again in a low voice, inching towards you so close you could feel his breath fanning on your face. “I can’t,” you admit in a shaky whisper. “Then that’s that,” he decides with finality. You blink back up at him, confused by his unwillingness to rid himself of the baggage that was you. Your eyes flit to his lips where his hot breaths plume against your skin. When you look back at him, something has changed. There is a determination there. “I’m gonna hold you real close now, and I’m gonna kiss you. You’re gonna kiss me back. And it’s gonna be like last time, but we’re really going to do it this time, you hear me?” 

His words aren’t a threat but a promise. You nod meekly, wide eyed with anticipation. True to his word, Joel sweeps you into his embrace, cupping the back of your head as he tilts it to the side. His lips brush yours in a whisper of a caress. His terse preamble is a contrast to the slow, unrushed, gentle movements against your mouth. Your eyes flutter shut at the pleasant sensation, your hands winding up to his neck and hair where you smooth and rub and grab. His tongue slips along your bottom lip, gaining purchase into your mouth in a smooth motion. The way he delicately and hungrily explores you makes your mind go hazy. You feel your body melting back into his arms against you and the subsequent pull as he takes on your weight. His hand steadies your neck while his forearm and elbow hold you against him, allowing his other hand to press firmly against your back as it glides up and down. Joel swallows the weak whimper from your lungs as you match his pace and return his affections.

He pulls from your lips with a gasp. You both catch your breath for a moment. His eyes search yours.

“We make decisions together. We’re in this together, and it ain’t right for you to go off and make these big choices for the both of us, you understand?” he asserts. There’s the edge of something pleading in his tone.

“O-Okay. I’m sorry, Joel,” you murmur softly. “I just didn’t want you to be—”

“Enough,” he interjects. “You belong here. You belong in Jackson with all the rest of us. And you’re crazy if you think I’m the only person who’s gonna let you push people away the second things get hard.”

You swallow around the lump in your throat and drop your eyes. His hand lifts your chin so you’re looking at him again.

“No runnin’. Not unless I’m right beside ya, runnin’ too,” he says sternly. “It’s us in it together.”

You nod your head slowly. “Okay. Together.”

“Together,” he agrees.

Hey friends,

I'm sorry there's been such a gap in between the last chapter and this one. This chapter in particular drudged up a lot of shit for me, and it made it really difficult to write. I'm not really sure how the chapter comes across because I've been sitting with it for so long. I've been getting a bit lost in it, so I decided to just leave it once it felt right.

Thanks for all your patience and understanding!

catch ya later, ♥Puddles♥

[emotionallychargedtowel]

The Eighth Sense episodes 9 and 10: All we can do is try

Wow! I think for the most part the showrunners of T8S did really well with the final two episodes. I have a few quibbles, but they managed to tie up most of the loose ends convincingly and do something worthwhile with the therapy part of the story, so I’m calling it a win.

These episodes don’t include a lot of further development of the psychological themes of the show, and for good reason. They’re too busy resolving everything that has already been brought up. But they do portray some shifts and make some statements about the characters and the larger themes they’re engaged with. Some fall a bit flat, most are good, and a few are really outstanding.

Below are the subject headings I’ll be getting into under the cut:

The final therapy scene

Being selfish

A shift for Jae Won

When it’s OK to expect “too much”

All we can do is try

Miscellaneous lingering thoughts

Tagging you again, @waitmyturtles!

The final therapy scene

Jae Won’s therapist has always had a style that is informal and blunt, plays around with boundaries, and uses humor. I would have expected her to be willing and able to use confrontation in therapy as well, because that strategy really goes along with that overall style. Well, in this episode she confronted Jae Won quite directly. She definitely didn’t pull any punches but I think she stayed within the range of reasonable therapy strategies. One thing I can say for this show’s portrayal of therapy: they have created a three-dimensional therapist character who has a specific, consistent style that is cohesive and realistic. So, a little background about therapists directly sharing their unvarnished perspective with clients. In most types of therapy work and in most styles of doing therapy, the therapist develops a conceptualization of a client early on in their time together, then revises or adds to it as they learn more. Often, certain things seem very clear to the therapist that are hard for the person themselves to see. (Of course, if you’re doing your job well, you kind of keep a mental asterisk next to any and all of these conclusions and don’t consider them confirmed until the client agrees.) The conceptualization includes not only diagnoses (which may be provisional) but also thoughts about how the client’s difficulties probably came about (a.k.a. their etiology) and thoughts about what sort of changes are needed in order for them to feel better and function in a more adaptive way.

Most of the time it’s not a good idea to just blurt those things out to the client. They usually need to come to certain conclusions on their own. There are ways of helping them toward those conclusions or feeding them small bits of them in a way that helps them to cobble together their own version of that insight on their own. But to a great extent, they have to figure it out themselves.

Still, there are some times when it makes sense to directly hand a piece of your conceptualization over to the client, even if it’s challenging for them to hear. This is what Jae Won’s therapist does. At a point where some therapists would be keeping their ideas to themselves, she comes right out and tells Jae Won he’s being selfish. In real life, this degree of confrontation would only work if the therapist was leveraging both a strong rapport and a strong base of knowledge about the client (preferably, these would have been built up over the course of years). This would be hard to show specifically in a tv series, but I’m assuming that Jae Won’s therapist has those resources in hand and is using them in this way.

And she doesn’t pull any punches! If anything, she might be intentionally putting things in a way that’s critical toward Jae Won. Why would she do that? Well, I think what she’s after isn’t just a chance to be direct with Jae Won about her viewpoint on his situation. I think she’s also hoping to give him a kind of jolt that will wake him up, so to speak. It’s related to something I wrote about in my last T8S post. There’s a theory that in order to go from a depressive, dissociated type of PTSD expression (associated with an acute “freeze” response to trauma) to a more healthy engagement with life, you have to pass through a more activating kind of PTSD symptoms (associated with a fight and/or flight acute response). This is a great example of that. Jae Won’s PTSD is very much of the freeze-y, depressive type. Getting irritated with his therapist helps him to start connecting with his emotions again, and that sort of snowballs into him getting increasingly un-frozen.

As usual, it’s hard to situate the therapy session shown at the beginning of episode 9 at a precise point in relation to other events in the story. But wherever its exact chronological position is, it definitely seems to inform the choices Jae Won makes  from that point on. It’s funny how human beings can defend ourselves against the things others say to us and seem so sure of ourselves but then, perhaps after more thought, can still take in what they said. Jae Won protested that this was how things had to be, at least for now, when his therapist pushed him. But he wound up taking what she had to say to heart. 

One of the things I appreciated most about this therapy scene was the fact that it seems to have actually made an impact on Jae Won and on the story more broadly. I’ve been worried pretty much from the start of this series that even if therapy was portrayed in a complex, realistic, but positive way, it still wasn’t likely to be shown as an agent for change. But this portion of this session seems like it at least made a significant impact. I found it really encouraging to see that.

The next part of episode 9 is the conversation Ji Hyun has with Joon Pyo and then, once she arrives, with Ae Ri. I found this scene a little bit clunky. Suddenly it’s as if Ae Ri is Ji Hyun’s therapist and not a fellow college freshman. It didn’t really seem realistic as a discussion between people their age. But it served its purpose. Ji Hyun needed a nudge to consider how Jae Won’s trauma history played into his reaction to the accident and his treatment of Ji Hyun, and this conversation got him there.

Ae Ri also exhorts Ji Hyun to be patient and careful and not try to rush things with Jae Won. Events in the story seem to show that her advice was correct. But I have some quibbles with it, which I’ll explain further below.

Being selfish

In both Jae Won’s conversation with his therapist and Ji Jyun’s conversation with Ae Ri and Joon Pyo, there’s a theme of selfishness. I want to dig a little deeper on that. Jae Won’s therapist tells him he’s being selfish. A lot of what she mentions is more along the lines of being self-absorbed. He simply isn’t considering how Ji Hyun might feel. Trauma often causes people to be more self-absorbed, so this stands to reason. But there is also an element of actual selfishness at work. Jae Won frames his avoidance of Ji Hyun as protecting his friend, and he does sincerely think he’s doing that. But he’s also trying to protect himself--in fact, I’d say that is a bigger factor for him. Avoiding Ji Hyun allows him to avoid his memories of the accident (and the reminders of his brother’s death that come with them). He thinks it will allow him to avoid suffering another loss and feeling the pain that comes with that (though in fact, for the period where he pushes him away, he’s actually causing himself to lose Ji Hyun). He doesn’t want to feel all of the difficult emotions that come with everything that has happened, and he makes that a priority over being there for someone who loves him and who has also just experienced something traumatic.

(By the way, does this dynamic--saying you’re putting another person first but not really considering their perspective, staying in your safe zone within your own head and abdicating your responsibility to someone who loves you--sound like another BL character you know? Yep, it’s a different version of the Hira Kazunari maneuver. It has a very different spin on it but there’s also a good deal of overlap. Thanks to @jemmo for pointing out this and other parallels between T8S and Utsukare, though it’s possible I’m taking this in a different direction than they would.) 

At the same time, Jae Won is a survivor of trauma. And I’d bet dollars to donuts he also experienced  complex trauma in the form of physical abuse by his dad. He just got out of the military and is still adjusting to that transition. Meeting Ji Hyun and facing the feelings he has for him is a mostly positive thing, but at the same time, it shakes up his whole world and his way of relating to others. He’s going through a lot and has a limited amount of insight into his own situation. Personally, I’d hesitate to simply label him as selfish. But his therapist’s interpretation is valid, and may have been intentionally expressed in a simple and confrontational way in order to get through to Jae Won.

What about Ji Hyun? Ae Ri doesn’t say he’s selfish, but he says during they’re conversation that he thinks he’s been selfish and she says, “What’s done is done,” seeming to tacitly agree with him. It’s true that he has been focused on what’s happening between him and Jae Won and hadn’t considered how Jae Won’s prior trauma history might be playing a role in his behavior until that point. But he’s just a kid, he just went through a traumatic experience himself, and it’s totally legitimate for him to be preoccupied with the Jae Won situation under the circumstances. 

So, are they both being selfish? Kinda. Is it that simple? No. Did they come by their self-absorption honestly? You bet they did. But they both benefit from getting a wake-up call, so it seems there’s no harm done even though that label is rather reductive.

While I’m talking about Ae Ri’s sudden turn toward sounding like a therapist, there’s another big thread in her discussion, and that is the need to approach Jae Won very carefully and gently. Honestly, I don’t really get this. It’s not a bad idea. It’s often a good idea when dealing with anyone who’s experiencing a lot of distress. But it’s also not some kind of well-known principle of relating to or repairing with a trauma survivor. I would say that it depends on the survivor and the situation. Ji Hyun has already struck out while being more overt in his pursuit of Jae Won at this point, so changing his tack makes sense. But Jae Won’s therapist got some mileage out of confronting him. I guess I just find this kind of random. Well, it figures that a freshman fine arts major might not have the most flawless psychological insights. But this, along with Ae Ri’s abrupt shift in tone, ends up feeling like another way in which this scene seems kind of half-baked.

A shift for Jae Won

Throughout episode 9, Jae Won seems to be “thawing out.” His affect starts to be less blunted from the start of the episode. I think he comes back to himself a bit more after Eun Ji tricks him into kissing her in front of Ji Hyun. I had said before these episodes dropped that his protective feelings toward Ji Hyun could get him out of freeze mode, and although I was picturing something more clear and dramatic, I think some degree of that may have played a role once he saw what seeing them did to Ji Hyun. 

For a second, when Yoon Won meets with Ji Hyun and Jae Won to talk about writing a report for the university on how the accident happened, I thought they were actually going to sit down and hash out what happened and try to sort through the roles they played. Honestly, I think it could have been great. It could have functioned as a form of exposure, which counteracts the temptation to avoid that fuels PTSD. It could have been an opportunity to expose the cognitive distortions that Jae Won was harboring in his attempt to blame himself for the accident. They had a neutral, but kind, third party present that could have kept them from being so reactive toward each other that they couldn’t accomplish their task. But they the story went another route. Maybe it’s just me, but I thought it was a missed opportunity. There was still an important moment here, though--Ji Hyun reaching for Jae Won’s hand and persevering even after Jae Won initially shrugs him off. The way it was filmed was so evocative.

I loved that Ji Hyun bought Jae Won a new camera. I don’t particularly think he knew the connection between Jae Won’s old camera and his younger brother, though it’s possible. It seems like he was more motivated by wanting to, as he put it in his card, “support [Jae Won’s] dream.” Then he ended up re-enacting Jae Won’s brother’s gift in a way. I wouldn’t have assumed that would be helpful in real life, but it could be, and in this instance it seems that it was. There was definitely a nice full-circle aspect to it, narratively speaking.

All of this, together, made for a pretty convincing progression leading to Jae Won opening back up to and finally responding to Ji Hyun. Pretty convincing, within the realm of fiction. And I desperately wanted a happy ending for this show, so I’m definitely not complaining there. But relative to the can of worms the showrunners had opened up in the last two episodes, I felt like the change in Jae Won that was needed for a happy ending wasn’t quite earned. Maybe I have a little too much background knowledge of trauma for my own good? I’ve seen, and experienced, how much time and work it takes to come back from the state Jae Won was in during episodes 8 and 9, but if I knew a little less maybe I wouldn’t perceive a disconnect here. I guess if I could change something I would either have made things a bit less extreme when Jae Won hit bottom or I would have included a more dramatic plot twist to get to the resolution, one that could have balanced out the intensity by giving him some sort of huge motivation to get out of his rut. Which probably would have involved torturing both him and Ji Hyun even more, which of course I didn’t want. But I guess I’d still prefer something that seemed more realistic to me.

In the end I’m reminded of Utsukushii Kare again (”what doesn’t remind you of Utsukushii Kare, Towel?” you may ask, and you’d have a point). At the end of season 1, UK led the audience down a path toward a well-composed ending. But when I rewatched it and looked at it more closely, it seemed a little convenient, and more than a little bit sudden, that Hira finally got his head out of his ass when he did. And then what happened when we got to season 2? He’d reverted to form in a lot of ways. It was frustrating to an extent, but I was glad. Because it made more sense for that character to have to put in more time and work to earn that degree of change. If we get more of The Eighth Sense--and I wouldn’t be surprised if that happened, since the showrunners have already dropped hints--I think we might see them doubling back a bit into those pieces that don’t seem fully resolved here.

When it’s OK to expect “too much”

I wrote in my last T8S post about Ji Hyun’s comment about wanting to help Jae Won heal. Basically, I said that there was likely some degree of naïveté on display there, but at the same time, I think that those of us watching the show from the United States and other places where individualism is the rule have a bias against the idea of wanting, asking for, or expecting a certain level of care from the important people in our lives--a level of care that is actually quite reasonable. One of my favorite things about the last two episodes of T8S is that there are moments when the show makes a strong case for normalizing expecting a lot from--and being willing to offer a lot to--one’s partner. 

This gets shown metaphorically in the “game” Ji Hyun introduces to Jae Won toward the end of episode 10. Here’s how I wrote it down in my notes:

JH: Hyung.

JW: Yes?

JH: Do you know that game?

JW: What game?

JH: Take two steps back. (JW's hesitant.) Come on.

(JW steps back, looking just a little bit forlorn.)

JH: If you take two steps away from me, I'll...take three steps towards you.

(He does, then steps back to his former position again.)

JH: Take two steps forward.

(JW does.)

JH: If you take two steps forward, I will be here waiting.

This was without a doubt my favorite moment in the last two episodes, possibly of the series as a whole. It’s a really meaningful statement of commitment. I’ve written about the pursuer-distancer dynamic in BLs in the past. I didn’t see a lot of it in this series. I think that’s because we just barely get to see Jae Won and Ji Hyun’s relationship get off the ground and there are so many other obstacles they have to overcome that they don’t get that many chances to run into challenges in that area. But i think that framework is useful for talking about the “game.” In a very real sense, Ji Hyun is saying, “if you distance yourself from me, I’ll pursue you. If you pursue me, I won’t distance myself.” The healthiest way to handle pursuer-distancer roles in a relationship isn’t to avoid ever pursuing or distancing. It’s to stay flexible enough that either partner can pursue or distance at different points when it’s needed without getting calcified into one habitual, exaggerated role. That’s part of what Ji Hyun describes here. He’s also describing a determination to stay steadfastly emotionally available even in the face of the kind of circumstances that drive both pursuing and distancing. It’s beautiful.

All we can do is try

There’s one thing The Eighth Sense has over Utsukushii Kare (season 2, specifically), and that is that Jae Won and Ji Hyun openly acknowledge something that Hira and Kiyoi never state directly (and maybe haven’t even figured out yet at the end of season 2). In the last scene, Ji Hyun asks Jae Won if he thinks they’ll be OK, and he replies, “All we can do is try.” He’s echoing both Ji Hyun’s boss and Yoon Won here, as both have made this point in different ways. (It reminds me of the old-fashioned screenwriting convention of having any really important piece of information repeated three times.) There are no guarantees and there’s no ironclad way to make sure things will work out. In fact, things are bound to not work out in some respects. The trick is to be able to sit with that and keep going anyway. I have a few last unwritten Utsukare posts living in my brain and one of them is about the “contradictory” or “bittersweet” feeling both Hira and Kiyoi talk about in their voiceovers during season 2 and how I think what they’re describing is just the inherent contradictory nature of loving someone. Loving someone means being drawn to them, wanting to be with them, feeling willing to put yourself out there for them, but it also involves a risk that can be deeply scary (even scarier if you have as much baggage as Hira and Kiyoi). But this never gets stated--it’s like neither of them quite figures it out. But by the end of The Eighth Sense, Jae Won understands this. He may still need some more time to fully take it in, but at least he’s aware of it on an intellectual level. Love is risk and there’s no way to avoid that aspect of it, but it can be more than worth it. “Let's try it together,” Jae Won tells Ji Hyun, “even if we're afraid.”

Miscellaneous lingering thoughts

I’m not entirely happy with the way Dae Hyung and Eun Ji were redeemed. Jae Won’s discussion of Dae Hyung’s genuineness took me by surprise and made a degree of sense. I’m not entirely sold on it, but I’m more sold on it than I would have expected. But Eun Ji? It’s like by the end of episode 10, she’s had a complete personality transplant. And then she makes that nonsensical comment about the five senses? I found it all a bit ham-fisted.

I loved the “don’t just treat me cute” scene. It was (sorry, Ji Hyun) cute as hell, and it introduced some additional complexity to the characters and their relationship. But I think it was also a deliberate response to BL tropes, especially tropes that many have noted are particularly widespread in Korean BLs. Jae Won is pretty clearly a seme figure in the story. He does most of the pursuing. He also has some of the more stereotypical seme qualities. He’s older, he’s a bit taller, and he has a broader build than Ji Hyun. He’s the “hyung” in more ways than one. But whereas we might expect Ji Hyun, the younger, somewhat smaller uke, to become like a “blushing maiden” type in the bedroom, he shows a completely different side here. “Don't just treat me cute,” he says. “You don't know what's coming.” He smiles during that last part, and it’s at least partially lighthearted. But that line is also sincere. And it acts as a kind of commentary from the showrunners. “You don’t know what’s coming,” they tell us. “The seme/uke role split, age, and relative size of these characters doesn’t predict how they’ll relate to each other sexually.” Good for them! More BLs should include gestures like this one.

I love that Yoon Won and Joon Pyo hooked up. They’re both such straightforward sweeties that it makes sense that they didn’t waste any time wondering if the other was into them or worrying about the implications and instead just skipped ahead to hardcore making out. Also, heaven forbid an older woman take an interest in a younger man! That aspect seemed like another way of pushing against conventions.

I’ve made quite a few critical comments about the final two episodes here, but I want to make it clear: I thought these episodes, as well as the series overall, were really well done. I enjoyed the series a lot. It stumbled in places, mostly because it’s so ambitious. But the result is really admirable.

[gracegrove]

Not super fandom related but kinda adjacent because of points that are constantly used or coopted by the wider fandom and antis.

So about six months ago I decided to do some googling and see what ever had happened to my elementary school bully. I wasn't surprised that I was able to find a mugshot along with his Facebook and that he'd only moved a couple towns away. But it did sadden me because of how little had changed for him compared to me.

I came across this boy beginning in the 4th grade, we had probably been in the same grade maybe even before that but we had no interactions until my best friend started picking on him. This was not something that I realized was going on, as the two of them were in the same classroom and I was in a different class. She and I would then hangout at lunch and after school.

In 4th grade all I knew about him was that he was just another boy in my grade and that he always looked angry. That was it. But then when he and I were in the same class beginning in 5th grade everything changed.

This boy would push me to the asphalt during recess, trip me, shove me, or try to push my head against the wall in the hallways. When we were in the classroom he would make sexually explicit and degrading comments about my body. He'd leave graphic drawings on my desk. He'd verbally harass me, call me stupid, or a bitch.

We sat next to each other because classroom seating was alphabetical. When my mother confronted the teacher about the difficulties this boy was causing me... She placed one student in between us.

One day he made a point of telling me that if he caught me hanging around the school grounds after school that day, that he was going to beat me up. I had been avoiding him the whole day, I hadn't even been in his way. And he said that to me. I was scared for my life. I got very lucky that my neighbor was there to pick up her son and I begged her to give my brother and I a ride home.

During this same period of time I was attending a grief group every few weeks, because my dad had just died that January. And one day when my mom was pulling into the parking lot, there he was. My bully was on the front porch. That night I was trying to stay close to the adults that ran the kids group. But I still wanted to keep to my usual routines. I really liked going into the padded room they had full of pillows and yoga balls for kids that wanted to let off steam. My bully followed me in there. He cornered me. He beat me so hard with a pillow that it ripped, he pinned me to the ground and tried to smother me. The adults weren't paying attention. And they didn't pull him off because I couldn't even get enough air to scream or cry.

When they finally realized he was being far too rough and did separate us. I was in tears and shaking.

I found out later that night that the reason he and his family were attending the grief group was because his mother had died the year before. His father essentially kicked her out. It sounded like there was a lot of interpersonal violence. But when his mom left she had nowhere to go and she ended up dying of exposure on the streets in a different state.

We switched groups immediately after that. But I still had to deal with him in class until he finally moved at the end of the school year.

I also learned that his father didn't really seem to give a damn. He was already dating again. And the women he was dating mostly tended to be blondes.

I was a blonde. I don't think my bully had the capacity to compartmentalize or process his grief or his anger. Granted we were 10 but still... So I became the trigger and the outlet.

As a kid I don't know if I even can say I was angry towards him because I was just so thoroughly scared by him. I remember he lived in the same direction as a friend's house, and I would purposely take a longer obscure route to avoid passing his house just in case. There were times I was certain that he would hurt me if I didn't find a way to escape or at least hang around an adult.... He's one of the reasons that catalyzed my eventual transfer into a private Catholic school. My brother was also being bullied.

Now as an adult I can see better how the things that happened in his life fed into how he treated me. And it just makes me sad. It doesn't make me angry. It doesn't make me want to take back my pound of flesh. It just makes me wish that he had gotten help and support. Because his life is not a happy one.

[aftokrator-official]

more ship ask meme responses for @freshdickies!

Ranbanein/Azuma:

4. Who initiates affection? Why does the other not initiate affection as much?

They're both pretty physically affectionate, I think, but I think Ranbanein in particular would constantly be touching Azuma even in just casual little ways, an arm around his shoulders or leaning on him or a little kiss to greet him. It's just who he is. Azuma's very willing to indulge his cuddly golden retriever of a partner, but I do think it takes some getting used to for him, since physical affection usually involved or led into sex with his previous relationships, and that's very much not the case with Ranbanein. Once he gets used to it, though, I think Azuma would enjoy the frequent casual physical intimacy, and finds it reassuring.

14. Do they enjoy PDA, or are they more private with affection?

Ranbanein is very affectionate regardless of circumstance. He doesn't mind! Everyone should know how much he loves Azuma and how wonderful Azuma is!! Azuma… is far more private, and very easily embarrassed by this, even though Ranbanein's PDA is all pretty innocent in nature. When he's more comfortable in their relationship, I think Azuma could actually turn the tables on him and get Ranbanein flustered if he's being seductive in public or getting Ranbanein turned on - as physically affectionate as he is, Ranbanein doesn't have too much experience in sexual relationships, so it doesn't take much to get him blushing and awkward about it. 

42. What’s their relationship like with each other’s friends/families?

Honestly pretty good, in both directions. Azuma and Hyrein get along, though I think (at least early on) they'd be tremendously awkward when left alone together, before they know each other well. But Hyrein both respects him as a combatant and tactician, and is tremendously glad his brother has found someone who makes him so happy, so he has a generally positive impression of Azuma. I think Azuma would also respect Hyrein and recognize the difficulties he faces in a command position, though he'd also be harder on him than on Ranbanein when it comes to… Afto cultural practices he doesn't approve of. After all, Hyrein is in a position of authority and Ranbanein isn't.

Ranbanein wouldn't find it hard to endear himself to Azuma's "kids" in Border, for the most part. Most of them would be wary of him at first, but Ranbanein truly doesn't take offense at this and considers it a worthy challenge to earn their trust and respect. In situations that don't involve anyone being captured Koarai and Okudera would come around pretty quickly and get along with him like a house on fire. Miwa, on the other hand… would have a really hard time, for obvious reasons. I think he'd get past it, but it'll take a long time, and a lot of patience on ranazu's parts.

I haven't fully solidified my headcanons for Azuma's parents… but I do have the vague sense that even just learning he's gay was a huge hurdle for them, so "I'm getting married to a man from another dimension, also he's nobility" is PROBABLY A STRETCH lol. If their relationship survives it's probably fairly strained and distant, but that's not Ranbanein's fault, or even particularly related to him personally - it's just inevitable. I feel like Azuma was always closer to his mom, and she might be more likely to come around on her surprise son-in-law and develop a good relationship with him eventually.

---

Hyrein/Izumi:

2. Who wakes up early/Who sleeps in late?

Hyrein is definitely the early riser of the two, Izumi likes to sleep in. Usually Hyrein is waking up early to work, but I think he'd really enjoy a quiet, relaxing early morning routine when he has time for it - listen to the birds, watch the sunrise, have breakfast. Izumi thinks that's all well and good but he'd rather be sleeping all the same. I think a leisurely morning for them usually looks like Hyrein enjoying a quiet, contemplative moment while Izumi uses him as a pillow and continues to sleep. 💖

4. Who initiates affection? Why does the other not initiate affection as much?

In the beginning it was Hyrein, but overall it tends to be Izumi. Hyrein is… not repressed, but keenly aware of his position and the propriety expected of him. Izumi has no such qualms, and a higher sex drive besides, so he's pretty shameless about getting up in Hyrein's personal space and putting his hands all over him. He'll also very casually lean on Hyrein or even fall asleep on him, and I think this makes Hyrein feel things - the trust it shows Izumi has in him now, after how hard won it was, and the fact that almost no one else in his life is this casually affectionate with him (probably only Ranbanein).

11. How do they feel about nicknames/pet names? If they like them, what pet names do they use? If they hate them, why do they feel that way?

I think Hyrein is more likely to use pet names - things like "my love" and "my dear", and I also really like the idea of him calling Izumi "fledgling" ;u; Izumi… is easily embarrassed by it, I think, but secretly really likes it. I don't think he calls Hyrein by anything but his name as much, but one GUARANTEED to fluster Hyrein and turn him on is when Izumi calls him "my lord" after they're in a relationship. It was a perfectly normal way for Izumi to address him when he was simply his apprentice, but as his lover/husband… for some reason Hyrein can't handle it in this context, and Izumi thinks it's adorable (and a fun way to wind him up).

19. Do they wear each other’s clothes/jewelry?

Izumi is a boyfriend's-clothes-stealer for SURE. After the first time seeing Izumi wearing nothing but a shirt of his, slipping off his shoulder, Hyrein does not mind in the least. Hyrein's taller and broader than Izumi and doesn't fit in his clothes as easily, but Izumi does enjoy it very much on the rare occasions he can get Hyrein to wear Meeden clothes. (Izumi thinks he looks adorably awkward in casual wear, and very hot in formal attire.)

22. Are they comfortable joking around with each other and being silly/playful?

Hyrein is a fairly serious person, but I think being around Izumi helps him loosen up a lot. Early on, catching glimpses of a lighter, gentler side to Hyrein is a big part of why Izumi fell for him - seeing him play around with Alektor's animal bullets or being soft for cute animals. Hyrein's sense of humor is subtle, but Izumi is pretty good at picking up on it and thoroughly enjoys it, and Hyrein feels incredibly pleased every time he makes Izumi laugh. Izumi jokes around with him a lot, more and more as he becomes more comfortable with him and more confident that he doesn't need to maintain a stiff formality all the time.

42. What’s their relationship like with each other’s friends/families?

Izumi does fine - he gets along great with Ranbanein, and probably Viza as well. Hyrein, though... has a harder time, for obvious reasons. Izumi forgives him for the invasion and capturing him far more easily than most of Izumi's friends and family. Out of everyone Karasuma would probably come to terms with it most easily - he's seen Hyuse's struggles with being in a fairly similar position to Izumi, and understands that Izumi's emotions are far more complicated than most people expect them to be. He's probably heard a lot about Hyrein and House Beltiston from Hyuse, too, and is more willing to believe that Hyrein truly isn't abusing or manipulating Izumi because of it. Midorikawa also forgives Hyrein and Izumi fairly easily, mostly just glad to have Izumi back in his life even if circumstances are different. He has no idea how to interact with Hyrein, though, and vice versa - I think seeing his friends, and especially Midorikawa interacting with Hyrein would be a stark reminder to Izumi of the age gap between them, haha.

Yoneya has a harder time. He's an easygoing type who doesn't hold grudges easily, but Hyrein took his best friend and then his best friend chose to stay. It's hard for him to understand that and I think he'd be bitter for a while, though he makes an effort to get past it for Izumi's sake. He really leans on Miwa for support after Izumi is taken and Miwa's own emotional state is... not the greatest influence on him. I think he would definitely be able to reconcile with Izumi in time. Miwa, though... I'm not sure his relationship with Izumi would ever recover? That feeling of betrayal would cut deep for him, especially after watching Yoneya fall apart over losing Izumi, and I think it'd leave a scar.

Tachikawa also has a really hard time. He's really protective of Izumi, was single-mindedly determined to rescue him after he was taken, and Izumi's eventual reconciliation with and marriage to Hyrein feels like a horrible blow after he thought it was all over. He's not just angry at Izumi for leaving, he's also half-convinced that Hyrein has somehow brainwashed or manipulated him into this, not trusting him even after most others have come around on their relationship. But Izumi stubbornly fights to maintain a relationship with Tachikawa anyway. I think it's when Hyrein and Izumi's first kids are born that things really start to heal between Izumi and Tachikawa, because Izumi very much wants "Uncle Kei" to be a part of their lives and Tachikawa, in spite of everything, adores them. It's always a little strained between him and Hyrein, but they both do their best to set that aside for Izumi's sake.

[mearnsblog]

"Moana" (2016)

I've written many, many words over the course of this project. Probably too many words! But while I've been slow to pick up the pace on watching the movies during the past couple years (life is busy, OK?), I've almost always been quick to put digital pen to paper after I've actually taken the time to put them on. The process of retaining information and fresh thoughts typically works best that way.

"Moana," however, was an outlier. As I sit here now, it has been almost two months since we watched it. As always, part of the difficulty was finding time, but on this occasion, I had a little bit of writer's block. The reason? I love "Moana" so much that it's hard to adequately express it. I like plenty of movies, but it's unusual for me to have such an overwhelmingly strong and positive reaction. I might be brief, but I am going to try.

"Moana" doesn't waste any time. It grabs you mere seconds after the Disney production card ends, with a striking sequence explaining the backstory of Te Fiti, Maui, and Te Kā, concluding with the introduction of the island and our main characters. It does a remarkably efficient job of setting up, well, just about everything in this movie, and it instantly draws you to Tala, the narrator of this prologue as well as Moana's grandmother.

This is a brilliant setup considering how important Tala is to kicking off the plot of "Moana" itself. Our title character, of course, has her song about "wanting adventure in the great wide somewhere," as Belle would say, and make no mistake: "How Far I'll Go" is an A+. It's not hard to understand why Moana is so driven to explore while still wanting to live up to expectations as the heir-in-waiting to lead the village one day. Further, it's not hard to understand why she has such a strong bond with her grandma. John Musker and Ron Clements of "Beauty and the Beast," "Little Mermaid," and "Aladdin" fame directed "Moana" and it shows.

The relationship is obviously special within the movie, and I'm also not going to act like I'm an unbiased observer here. Tala is very different from my own grandmothers in her own way, but that kind of pure connection of love and trust across generations? Naturally, I relate to that. I would not be who I am today without Grandma Mearns, whose love of singing and cooking was dwarfed only by her only love of family, and Grandma Robinson (Grandmar), who lived just a town over and was there for just about everything that my sister and I did. She stepped up in a truly immeasurable way as we grew up without my dad, and she never gave a second thought to any of it. In short, grandma stories have a very high probability of getting to me, hence the difficulty in putting all my "Moana" thoughts all into words!

"Moana" has even more going for it. The Lin-Manuel Miranda/Opetaia Foa'i/Mark Mancina soundtrack is full of hits, it's really cool to see the stories of Te Fiti and Te Kā develop over the course of the movie, and I don't think I could have imagined liking The Rock as Maui as much as I do. On Maui in particular, it's a great role that allows The Rock to act as the wild card who can generously be described as skeptical of a mortal, and yet soon grow to consider her a friend. And Maui is far from a flawless character in his own right, with his arrogance gradually skewered until he can be worthy of his hook's full powers again.

I'd also be remiss if I didn't mention that my love for "The Legend of Zelda: The Wind Waker" plays a significant role in my fondness for "Moana." I don't play video games even remotely as much as I did when I was a teenager. As I got more and more into baseball, that left less time for solo gaming, aside from multiplayer ones like the ones in the "Smash Bros." and "Mario Kart" franchises. I think "Wind Waker" might have been the last video game that brought me all the way down the rabbit hole. The adventure was as great as any Zelda title, and I'll never forget the incredible feeling of sailing around the islands of flooded Hyrule on the King of Red Lions or its moving conclusion. The parallels are obvious to Moana and Maui's journey around these Polynesian islands, and the story even includes an underwater realm to briefly explore, too. The endings are all tied up in embracing the role of explorers as well!

I think I've gushed enough. "Moana" forever. It is one of the best Disney films that I will ever see.

Best song: "How Far I'll Go"

Updated ranking

1. “Beauty and the Beast” (review) 2. "Moana" 3. “The Lion King” (review) 4. “The Little Mermaid” (review) 5. “Cinderella” (review) 6. “Mulan” (review) 7. “Tangled” (review) 8.  “Wreck-It Ralph” (review) 9. “Frozen” (review) 10. “Sleeping Beauty” (review) 11. "Big Hero 6" (review) 12. “Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs” (review) 13. “Aladdin” (review) 14. “The Emperor’s New Groove” (review) 15. “One Hundred and One Dalmatians” (review) 16. “The Jungle Book” (review) 17. “Lilo & Stitch” (review) 18. “The Great Mouse Detective” (review) 19. “The Hunchback of Notre Dame” (review) 20. “Fantasia” (review) 21. “The Rescuers Down Under” (review) 22. “Tarzan” (review) 23. “The Princess and the Frog” (review) 24. “The Many Adventures of Winnie the Pooh” (review) 25. “Alice in Wonderland” (review) 26. “Lady and the Tramp” (review) 27. “Pinocchio” (review) 28. "Zootopia" (review) 29. “Robin Hood” (review) 30. “Oliver & Company” (review) 31. “Hercules” (review) 32. “Pocahontas” (review) 33. “The Rescuers” (review) 34. “The Adventures of Ichabod and Mr. Toad” (review) 35. “Bambi” (review) 36. “Peter Pan” (review) 37. “The Aristocats” (review) 38. “Fantasia 2000″ (review) 39. “Dumbo” (review) 40. “Bolt” (review) 41. “Meet the Robinsons” (review) 42. “Treasure Planet” (review) 43. “Chicken Little” (review) 44. “Fun and Fancy Free” (review) 45. “The Fox and the Hound” (review) 46. “The Sword in the Stone” (review) 47. “Atlantis: The Lost Empire” (review) 48. “The Three Caballeros” (review) 49. “Make Mine Music” (review) 50. “Brother Bear” (review) 51. “Winnie the Pooh” (review) 52. “Dinosaur” (review) 53. “The Black Cauldron” (review) 54. “Saludos Amigos” (review) 55. “Melody Time” (review) 56. “Home on the Range” (review)

[holywizardheart]

💘Your secret admirer💘

Tarot reading 🔮

The pictures aren't mine ❌

Please don't take it too seriously. 😄This is a common layout for everyone. You can choose one of three options and take what resonates.💜

Enjoy your reading 🥂

📎Pile 1📎

The description of the person💫

Hello, pile 1 are you ready for this reading? Well then let's get started! Okay, guys, a person here knows how to build relationships, it doesn't matter if it's a partnership or it's related to business. The person is educated and carries with him a huge amount of knowledge. They can give good advice and help people. Quite active does not stand in one place. If it didn't work out the first time, then he never despairs. Mentally strong and able to resist difficulties. There may be talents in teaching and can explain situations clearly without unnecessary aggression. A person is certainly calm and balanced and can also engage in volunteering. I can confidently say that this person has iron patience.

It is difficult to establish a deep connection with him. It is also impossible to convince him. The person is ordinary and does not differ in appearance. But a conversation can be a very interesting and exciting activity. Or maybe he might have an extraordinary personality.

What does he like about you?💕

You will never deceive anyone or manipulate people. On the contrary, you reveal the truth to others. He likes your directness and honesty. You'd better tell the bitter truth instead of lying all the time. In addition, if you are engaged in creativity, then he admires your talent and skill. He believes that you are a master of your craft and know what to do in difficult situations. You can be a hermit or you like to be alone. You also respect other people's boundaries and demand such an attitude towards yourself. You can be introverted and often stay at home. He also likes your brilliant mind and attentiveness. It's as if you're looking for a hidden meaning in everything and every detail. You can often get lost in your thoughts and think a lot. Some of you may prefer to meditate in your free time.

💸Pile 2💸

The description of the person💫

Hello, my Pile 2 welcome to the reading. I'm glad to see you on my blog. So let's see who is this person. I'm going to say that this person is definitely in love with you. And he has some hope for a future with you. A person is very enthusiastic and is the master of his life. A loyal friend and comrade, and passion are boiling in the blood. Hard work and finances play an important role. In addition, he has enough vital resources and money, and he does not need anything. Perhaps a person can be rich, or at least wealthy. He never gives up on new opportunities and prospects. He is even ready to experience even radical changes and shifts.

Sometimes he may doubt himself and does not believe that everything will work out. Here comes the disappointment in himself or he thinks that he is not trying hard enough. Can be sensitive to criticism, and even be dependent on people's opinions. Very much in need of praise and approval from others. This person can have ADHD.

What does he like about you?💕

The person sees you as quite experienced in terms of the partnership or you just know how to work with people. You also easily find a common language with others. He likes that you are always moving forward. Nothing will stop you in life, you go as a winner. Also, the energy of rivalry and competition comes from you. I'm hearing the song "Shine bright like a diamond" by Riana. Sometimes you won't give up a little game. Here you can have a lot of fire in the natal chart. No matter how difficult the path was, you always go only forward. You never doubt yourself. You are ready to work for your dreams and desires. You are also moving quickly towards your goal. Perhaps he wants to become like you and wants to learn something from you. He admires your complete self-confidence.

🌟Pile 3🌟

The description of the person 💫

Hello, my dear pile 3. Welcome to my reading. So let's start it quickly. A person does not like to sit in one place and often changes himself. Can change the environment and place of residence. He can leave people without even saying goodbye. He likes to live in his castles in the air and dream of a grand events. He can work on projects that are important to him and perhaps even with groups of people. Here we have an optimist and a visionary. Collects money and does not like to waste it. A little comes out as ignoring or a person who doesn't care about other people. He may suddenly isolate himself from people. Moreover can also have problems with self-esteem, I think he tries not to show it in front of people.

A person sometimes worries too much and can often experience stress. But despite this, this positive attitude always comes from him. In life, he is a really lucky and happy person.

What does he like about you?

You are always open to relationships and partnerships. Express your feelings and love for the person vividly. Perhaps you know how to morally support a person in a difficult moment. A good strategist and planner. He likes that you take your time and go slowly to the goal. It is also possible that many men are attracted to you and he is also interested in learning some information about you. You can also be popular in men's companies. You are also not afraid of change, you can even give up something in return. You often attract people's attention to yourself and are the centre of the spotlight.

[absolutelyfizzing]

hole-y

George x reader angst/fluff

description - Y/N and the Order head out to deliver Harry to the burrow on the night of his seventeenth birthday. Chaos ensues and when you reach the burrow, you couldn't be more thankful for your friends and family being safe.

warnings - minor talk of gore and injuries, death, general warning for george being an absolute angel. Fem pronouns and reader gets picked up

A/N - so this is the first time ive posted in like months i think which is a little crazy, im so sorry for the delay. This is something that i just really wanted to write, i will be posting some requested writings soon as well as hopefully some more writings outside of just harry potter and marvel. 

word count - about 3600

MASTERLIST

You were terrified. The feeling in the pit of your stomach made you want to cry but you pushed it down. There were bigger matters at hand. Bigger things to worry about. One of those things being the possibility of you never seeing your best friend or your boyfriend again. The thought made you shake and when you looked over at Fred and George you knew they were thinking the same thing.

You had been friends with the twins since as long as you could remember. Well actually, you had disliked them when you first met them, they were much too loud for you to get along with and they frustrated you to no end but you somehow had all of you classes and activities with them. They accidentally let loose a prank on you in your third year and you screamed at them before going up to the astronomy tower and crying. They followed you a few minutes later and apologized and sat with you until you stopped crying. Actually they stayed with you until they could make you laugh. From then on, you had a soft spot for the twins and the same happened to them.

You didn't know when you started to have romantic feelings for George, he always said that he started to feel something for you when he was in fifth year and you sneezed so hard you made a nearby owl fly away. You thought that was rather ridiculous but it made you blush all the same. You started dating in sixth year when Fred nearly shoved you two into a closet and told you he wouldn't let you out until you talked to each other about your feelings. Since then you had been the happiest you had ever been in your life and you were forever thankful to Fred who took 100% credit for your relationship. They were your family, all the Weasley's were. Now, looking at everyone you loved in a room, you felt worry rise in your throat. No, worry wasn't the right word. Terror.

George pulled you into his side and he kissed the top of your head deeply.

"I love you. You don't have to do this." He mumbled into your hair and you sighed.

"You know just as well as I do that we both have to do this. It's okay, I'll be with Moody. He won't let anything happen to me." You muttered and then turned so your face was pressed into his chest. "But I love you too." You whispered and a tear fell from your face and into George's shirt. You then pulled away and pulled Fred into a hug. He groaned dramatically.

"No, I'm hugging you. No complaining." You grumbled and he complied, his hand going around your back and smoothing out your hair. You knew he was looking at George, some sort of twin telepathy going between them but you didn't care. When you pulled away, both of them smiled gently at you. Then before you knew it, the polyjuice potion was being passed around. You gave one last look at George and drank the potion and he did as well. It was the worst tasting thing you'd consumed in a long time and as you were keeping yourself from throwing up at the taste you felt yourself get a bit taller. You looked to your side to see two more harry's. You smiled at them and began to change your clothes.

You had agreed to go as Harry with Moody, Mundungus would also be there as himself. You had decided to switch last minute. You all walked out of the house as the minutes ticked by waiting for Harry's protection charm to end. Eventually you all were off with one last longing glance at George.

The battle was one that would haunt you for the rest of your life. As soon as you left there were death eaters on you. All you could do was hold onto your broom for dear life, Moody on the broom behind you and Mundungus on a separate broom right next to you. Before you could think, there was green all around you and screaming from every direction. You just focussed on getting to the Weasley's, a route you knew by heart, and let Moody do the protecting. At some point you looked to your right and Mundungus was gone. When you looked to your left you were horrified to see the dark lord flying next to you. Tears came to your eyes at the realization that you would probably not be making it out of there. Moody quickly began sending spells his way but it was not an even fight. He held off Voldemort for an impressive amount of time but all good things end. You heard the killing curse and saw the green light and you expected it to hit you, you were the target. Somehow Moody got in front of you to stop you from getting hit and you screamed. When Moody's body fell from the broom, yours did too. You hit the ground with a thud and your body immediately screamed in pain. You looked to the side of you and saw Moody's body. Tears were falling from your face but the shock running through you prevented you from feeling whatever damage you took from the fall. You took a breath and gathered yourself. You needed to get out of here. You would have time to scream and grieve later if you made it out of this alive. The death eaters obviously thought you to be dead and Voldemort had fallen back for some reason. You feared it was because he realized you were not the real Harry. Your tears stopped, face hardened, and you stood with slight difficulty. You would have to get to the Weasley's and you prepared yourself to apparate. When you did, your aim had been a bit off. You were in the bog outside the burrow and you could see the light in the distance. There was a panic at the house and you realized that the others had all arrived. Despite the pain in your legs, you began to sprint to the burrow. You noticed that you were yourself again, your hair getting in your eyes as you ran.

"Y/N?" You heard Remus yell and you kept running. Someone pulled you into them and you looked up to see red hair. You had arrived at the burrow and the tears had begun as well.

"Fred, Moody is dead. Voldemort killed him. Mundungus disapparated right at the beginning, I don't know where he went. It was just me and Moody and then he just-"

"Shhh, hey you're safe now, it's gonna be okay." He muttered and you noticed the break in his voice. You suddenly realized that you didn't feel George near you. You pulled back quickly. "Living room" Fred stated and you headed in, Fred following behind you. When you saw George though, you were not filled with relief. In fact you were so filled with dread that you thought you might just throw up.

"Is he..." you whispered. You couldn't finish your question, dreading the answer.

"m' not dead" Came a whisper from the man you loved and tears began streaming down your face as you collapsed next to him and buried your face in his chest. Your breathing was rapid and your heart was racing. It only slowed when you felt a familiar hand brushing through your hair.

"Fred, I'm saintlike." you heard George whisper and you looked at him questioningly but he was looking across the room to his brother. Fred looked concerned and dropped down next to you, a hand going to your back.

"What's wrong with him? Is his mind affected?" Fred asked his mother worriedly. You were also looking to Molly for reassurance but she looked just as concerned as you.

"Saintlike. You see...I'm holy." George spoke again and all attention was on him. "Holey, Fred. D'you get it?" The relief that you felt was overwhelming and you laughed deeply before burying your face once again into the chest of the man you loved.

"Pathetic. Pathetic! With the whole world of ear related humor before you, you go for 'holey'?" Fred laughed with you, his voice cracking with emotion and the tears streaming down your face were now happy ones. You were so thankful that the man you loved was okay and unchanged besides the trauma he would likely carry. And of course that he only had one ear.

The rest of the night would go by in a blur. You were debriefed by Remus who tried to be as gentle as possible in his questioning. You did not leave George's side and neither did most of the Weasley's. However hours later you still hadn't moved or eaten, too scared to leave George. Enough time had passed that everyone told you George was out of the woods and most people had gone to bed. You couldn't leave though. Molly walked toward you, a plate full of food with her. George was asleep and you were staring at him fearfully, making sure that his chest was moving with life.

"You need to eat, dear." Molly whispered and you sniffed a bit.

"I cant." Was all you could say and she sat next to you.

"Well either you need to eat or I will wake George up so he can make you." At this you looked at her. She had unshed tears in her eyes and you suddenly tackled her in a hug.

"I'm so sorry, Molly." You whispered into her neck where she was holding you.

"What on earth are you sorry for?" She asked.

"I'm sorry I couldn't protect him and that I wasn't here to help when he got here. I'm sorry I didn't convince him not to go. I'm sorry-"

"Hey, stop." She asserted and you did, pulling back to look at her. "Now you know why you went. George went for the same reason. You were both very brave and it could have been either of you who got hurt out there. Now you are both alive and okay and so are the rest of my children. I will be thankful for the rest of my life for that. But I still seem to have a kid who isn't taken care of and I need to make sure that she is. So will you please take a breath-" she paused to wait for you to take a deep breath, which you did, "and eat something. Or else I fear my son may have a heart attack when he wakes up. Okay?" she questioned and you sniffled and wiped your nose.

Making one last glance at the movement of George's chest before looking to Molly and nodding. She handed you the tray of food that instantly comforted you and she sat with you while you ate. You were both silent but you were thankful she was there to watch over George while you were distracted. When you were finished she took your plate and stood.

"Now I am going to get some rest. You should consider doing the same." She whispered and patted your hair. You watched her walk to her room and you looked back to the man in front of you.

You weren't sure how long you were sitting there but by the time you came out of your trance to a hand touching your face the fire was nearly out. You looked up at George and he looked sad.

"Are you okay, baby? Do you need anything?" You started to stand up, worried he was uncomfortable. He pulled you down on top of him on the couch and you squirmed, worried you would hurt him.

"Honey, I need you t' stop moving and let me hold you please." He sounded serious so you stopped trying to get off of him. Instead you sighed and moved to straddle his hips and then lay the rest of your body on top of him, your head going to his chest. "Thank you." he whispered. You lifted your head to look at him and he had tears in his eyes.

"Are you in pain, bubs?" you tried to be quiet so you wouldn't disturb the peace in the room.

"No. I'm just glad you're okay." He whispered and a tear fell. You reached up to brush it off and you smiled at him.

"Of course I am, you're the one who got hit by a spell." You reassured but he shook his head.

"You're right that I'm the one that got hit by a spell but Voldemort tried to kill you. You could have died tonight, Y/N." He seemed so sad but you didn't know how to comfort him. You hadn't really thought about it since you got to the burrow, too focused on George. You had yet to really process the fact that Moody had died to save you and without his sacrifice you would not be here with your boyfriend.

"I didn't though. I'm okay." You moved up a bit to kiss the cheek on the side furthest from his injury. "We are both okay." You put your head in his neck and sighed deeply. He took a deep breath into your hair and wrapped his arms around your back.

"We are never doing that again." He grumbled and you chuckled.

"Really? I was planning on taking some polyjuice tomorrow, maybe having another go at it." You smiled and he rolled his eyes.

"I thought I was supposed to be the comedian."

"Not when your last joke was 'holey'. Your comedian title has been revoked."

"Oh shut it, I'd just taken a curse to the head, give a guy a break." He smiled but you both stopped and the smiles dropped while remembering the reality of the situation. "How long have you been up watching me?" he asked gently and you sighed, preparing for your scolding.

"Probably 6 hours or so."

"SIX HOURS? You haven't slept since you got back? Darling you need to go to bed, why on earth did you stay up that long?" he practically screeched and you shushed him as best you could so he wouldn't wake the whole house. You didn't answer his question, instead looking at his chest. "Y/N why wont you sleep?" He asked again, this time more seriously. You felt tears come to your eyes.

"I couldn't-I had to-" you were cut off by your own tears.

"Hey, bubs, whats wrong? I'm sorry, didn't mean t' upset you, bunny." You shook your head at the thought that he had made you cry.

"I was just worried that-" You paused to take a breath, "I thought if I went to bed I might wake up and you wouldn't be..." You felt him shush into your hair. He hadn't really thought about it that way and he felt bad for keeping you up like that.

"Bunny, I am fine. I pinky promise." He pulled away to do just that. As your pinkies were interlocked he made decisive eye contact with you. "I promise nothing bad is gonna happen to me if you sleep, okay?" You nodded a bit and he leaned in to kiss you. "How about we both go to sleep and you can stay right on top of me so you can be with me if anything happens." He mumbles against your lips and you nodded again. He pulled you snuggly into him and put a hand on the back of your head to hold you there.

"I love you." You whispered into his chest, not even necessarily trying to get him to hear.

"I love you too, bunny. Now you need to shush and get some sleep." You huffed and finally settled into him. He couldn't sleep for much of the time you did, he could never admit it but he was quite scared as well. He shared your fears. He was worried he would wake up and you would no longer be with him. He got bits of sleep now and then but he couldn't sleep through the night. You stayed asleep on top of him until he saw the sun come up. He knew you were vaguely awake as your breathing wasn't as slow and you curled into him tighter.

"M' gonna get up to make us some tea, yeah?" You nodded slightly and he took that as an okay to get up. He picked you up gently and brought you to sit on the counter in the kitchen. His head didn't seem to hurt at all which surprised him a bit but he knew his mother was a gifted healer and she worked her magic on him to make sure he would feel okay the next day. He tried to step away from you to make some tea but you did not release him. Instead he was trapped standing in front of the counter, you clinging to him tightly. It was at that moment that the other twin decided to come into the kitchen.

"How's the hole?" He nudged George with his elbow and he chuckled.

"Not bad at all, don't even really have a headache." He muttered, still trying to be moderately quiet as you seemed to be in a half asleep state and he knew you needed all of the rest you could get.

"She doing okay?" Fred whispered, nodding toward you.

"Restless night." George replied and Fred nodded in understanding, moving to prep the tea for George seeing as he was trapped at the moment. When the tea was done, George rustled you awake slightly. "Would you like some tea, m'love?" You nodded and moved to sit up a bit, releasing George and catching Fred making gagging noises next to you.

"Oh shove off." You grumbled and he chuckled. You made a move to get off the counter and George grabbed your waist to assist you. As soon as you were on the ground you made your way over to Fred to hug him properly. You were just so relieved that your favorite people made it out of yesterday alive and Fred sighed and hugged back.

"Y/N, this is 3 hugs in 24 hours. I'm starting to worry about your head. There isn't a hole in it is there?" Fred questioned and you rolled your eyes. You lifted your head and turned it to look at the other twin across the kitchen who stood with tea in his hand, gazing at both of you with a calm and content look on his face. You smiled at him before releasing his brother who gave your hair a ruffle as you turned to look up at him.

"Thanks for being okay." You smiled at him and his gaze softened a bit.

"Right back at you."

The rest of the morning was spent drinking tea and talking, thankful just to be alive. As the family woke up there was more relieved exchanges without the shock and stress that had been present the night before. You rarely left George's side besides to let him get changed and have a private talk with his brother. Eventually Ginny dragged you away to get you cleaned up and changed into clothes that weren't covered in blood and grime. As you walked away the boys began to gather around George. Ron looked at the twins expectantly with a glint in his eye.

"Well? Show us then!" He got out a bit excitedly. Harry smiled as well and Bill seemed to have some jitters. George smirked before a ring appeared in his fingers. It was modest but it was all he could afford and he knew it wouldn't make a difference to you anyway. The boys all shoved each other in excitement and Fred clasped a hand on George's shoulder.

"I know you know this already but I just want to remind you that if you hurt her, all of us wouldn't hesitate to beat you to bits." He smiled but there was not so much humor behind his statement. The rest of the boys mumbled in agreement. George gave them all a look.

"Okay, first of all, I nearly died yesterday. I think you could all stand to be a bit nicer to me."

"We all did, get over yourself buddy." Bill joked and George rolled his eyes.

"Second of all, How come I'm the one getting threatened? I'm your brother."He looked around the group.

"'Cause she's the favorite, obviously." Ron stated simply before leaving the group, Harry and Bill following him, both giving George a teasing smile before they left.

"I think that was rather rude." George grumbled, though there was no malice behind it. He looked over at his twin who simply shrugged and patted him on the back.

"Just the way it is. If you two were to break up, I'm pretty sure she's the one who stays in the family." Fred winked before heading out of the room as well and George took a second to look at the ring in his hand. He heard footsteps and quickly shoved it into his pocket. You appeared in the doorway, hair matted down with water and in comfy clothes, fuzzy socks adorning your feet.

From the doorway you smiled at George who beamed back at you. You felt around in your pocket for a moment where your hands were shoved and when your hand hit the hidden ring there you let out a breath. You stared at each other for a moment, just content to be near each other without thinking about the war for a moment, warm light filling the room and calm in the air, both planning on later asking the other to spend the rest of your lives together.

[the-insomniac-emporium]

Waking Comfort (Bela Dimitrescu/Reader)

Fandom: Resident Evil: Village Rating: T for language, brief violence (in a flashback), implied/referenced trauma (unspecified) Warnings: N/A Summary: Unable to sleep on a cold day, Bela Dimitrescu tries to find comfort in her favorite servant... only to end up being the one doing the comforting. Notes: This is super self indulgent, because my dreams have been murdering me recently. Reader is a selective mute/partially nonverbal, implied neurodivergent (unspecified), gender neutral but written with a non-binary person in mind, with non-specific past trauma. Basically this is somewhat of a self-insert fic but I've smudged some lines to make it more relatable for other people.

----------------

In the early hours of the day, when the sun had yet to reach its peak, a cold quiet fell over Castle Dimitrescu. Most inhabitants were of a nocturnal persuasion, and lay sleeping soundly at this hour. Those few that thrived in the sun moved softly, with caution, daring not to awaken their masters. Oh, if only they knew that one Lady of the house was awake, prowling the corridors with marked intent. What a chill it would send down their spines- what lovely fear would permeate the household.

Ah, but that was not what Bela Dimitrescu desired, at least not for now. No, what she needed was something she would never admit out loud. It was a “base” need, one that all humans felt, and so she feared that it was beneath her. There was only one person that she could trust for this: A servant, experienced in all matters needed of them, level-headed, compassionate… and, most importantly, selectively mute.

Over the past year, Bela had found herself growing closer to you, much to her own surprise. The two of you had started to bond through reading, after you had helped her reorganize a mess in the library (left by none other than Lady Daniela). Since then, you had proven to be a valuable ally, always finding creative solutions to the family’s problems. From jury-rigging a set of climbing gear for repairs, to proof-reading all formal letters, there was hardly any part of Bela’s life that you hadn’t assisted with. All while only ever saying two or three sentences- short ones, at that.

Neither of you would ever forget the first (and only) time you spoke out loud. A would-be hunter had infiltrated the estate, through a damaged skylight (which you later repaired), intending to prove his worth by killing the nobility inside. By the time Bela arrived, after being notified by a terrified maiden, she found the situation had already been aptly handled. There you had stood, clutching an ornate, bloodied cane like a club. In front of you had been the unconscious hunter.

“You could have been hurt!” Bela had snapped, unable to stop herself, glad that her sisters hadn’t arrived yet. Then you had glanced at the man, then her, then back to the man. Something uncharacteristically dark had danced in your eyes.

“He said he was going to save me… from you. Called me defenseless,” you had snarled, poking the man with your cane as you did. “Rude.” Before Bela even had a chance to react, her sisters had appeared, disappointed to find the fight already over. They had fought over who would get to kill the hunter, and somewhere in that chaos you had slipped away without another word.

That day had replayed itself in Bela’s mind hundreds of times in her mind. Though she would not readily admit it, that had been the day that her casual affection for you had started to turn into something more serious. These days she didn’t even know how to describe your relationship- after all, you had never told her how you felt. But you had held her, closely, fingers running through her hair while she fought off memories from someone else’s life. Held her in your arms, as she held you, staving off the cold like it was all you had ever known.

This was what she wanted. Your touch, your comfort. All that stood in her way was a familiar question: Where were you? Master of your environment, schedule constantly in flux, you were rarely where anyone expected you to be, especially when you were prone to taking on whatever tasks others hadn’t had time to finish. So Bela searches, quickly, around places the day-shift tends to gather. She’s careful not to be seen, even though she knows the maidens aren’t likely to gossip where her family might hear. In the end she catches a hint of your scent near the servants’ quarters, and curses herself for not checking there sooner.

Your room is one of the only single-occupancy rooms in this wing. Only senior staff were allowed within these places, most of them rotating out as they “lost their usefulness”. The fact that you had slept in the same bed every night for six months was a testament to your skill. It’s the kind of thought that brings Bela some semblance of warmth in her chest. Still, the thought alone is not enough, so she slowly eases your door open.

Her ears strain against the silence, listening for the pattern of your breathing, or the telltale murmurs that would announce your awakening. Instead, the first things she hears are little gasps, then the shifting of fabric. Dreams of some sort have you turning and tossing, lungs getting hungry in their pursuit of air. It’s not immediately clear whether or not you are enjoying the dream. Were these good gasps, like those that Daniela often cooed about when she praised her maiden? Or were these the same kind that sometimes haunted Bela herself?...

A whimper cuts through the air, and suddenly Bela loses all patience. Practically running, she crosses the room in an instant, concern etched into her brow. One hand cautiously reaches for your blanket, pulling it back enough for her to slide in next to you. It’s a risk, one that could make you wake up with a panic, but it’s one she’s willing to take. After all, she had asked you about this sort of thing before. Though you couldn’t form full sentences, you had experience “miming” things, and Bela was quite clever with her “yes or no” questions.

When she carefully wraps an arm around your waist, she does so with confidence. Beneath her touch you stiffen, back going as tense as possible, but you stop shaking. A few more gasps leave you, and Bela wonders whether or not she should wake you up. Less than a minute later the decision is made for her. All the sudden your gasping turns to a sharp exclamation, body jerking hard, eyes snapping open. Tension coils through your muscles, driving your already overstimulated brain overboard.

Before Bela can even try to comfort you, you sit up, quickly turning so your legs dangle off the edge of the bed. Muffled sobs pass your lips as you hold your face in your hands. Memories struggle against each other behind your eyes, blocking out every other sensation. Your jaw is clenched, hard, and you struggle to breathe between shakes. A hand touches your back, but quickly moves when you flinch in response. It takes a minute for you to even process who else is with you. Once you do, some of the tension bleeds from your body.

“If you’d rather be alone right now, I understand,” Bela says, quietly, as soon as she thinks you’ll be able to understand her. For a moment you can’t bring yourself to respond, and you can feel her side of the mattress shifting, like she’s getting ready to leave. Panic springs up in your chest again, so you quickly reach a hand out in her direction. Thankfully she knows what to expect at this point, easily finding your hand in the dark, gently taking it within her own. “One squeeze for yes, two for no?”

You squeeze, once.

“Do you want me to hold you?” Bela asks, trying to hide the hopefulness in her voice. It makes you pause, considering, even though you’re still overwhelmed by your sensory inputs. In the end you squeeze her hand twice. “No worries, my dear. Don’t be tempted to push yourself just for my sake.” Somehow she always knew how to read you like an open book. Even with the… difficulty of communicating with you. Not that she had ever complained, or even thought about it. Knowing you, and caring for you, made any effort feel as easy as breathing.

A few minutes pass without another word being said. Sometimes Bela gives your hand a little squeeze, just to check in, and you always return it. Soon enough your brain starts to relax, loosening its vice-like grip on your motor controls. Once again you can ease the tension in your muscles. Then you find yourself rubbing your thumb against Bela’s hand, moving in soft circular motions, head turning so you can smile at her. Even if it’s too dark for you to see much, you know that her eyes see you just fine.

“Feeling any better?” She asks, donning a smile of her own. One squeeze. “Is there anything more I can do to help?” A pause, then one squeeze. Now that your limbs don’t feel as staticky, there’s only one thing on your mind: Cuddling. You’re moving before you know it, briefly letting go of Bela’s hand so you can get closer to her, pressing your face into her neck and giving her a soft kiss. Then you’re falling against the bed, on your side, looking up at your partner with a grin. It doesn’t take her long to get the message, shifting back onto her side so she can hold you for real this time. One of your hands goes to rest on her back, to serve as your translator for the rest of the night. “I love you,” Bela says, without even thinking.

She freezes up afterwards, realizing that this is the first time she’s ever said the words out loud to you. For a moment she’s scared, a feeling alien to her, but she refuses to back down. It pays off a few seconds later, incredibly so, when you return the words the best way you can: One squeeze.

[beelspillowpet]

A Lesson in Love - A “Character Analysis” on Asmodeus

I had to come for the tracks, wigs, and weaves of bitches when Pomade dropped because I saw people talking shit about my boy. This was a milestone “project” or “reward” I guess?

I hit 400 followers today while I was out running errands!!! Thank you guys SO SO MUCH for the love and support! I can’t WAIT to produce more content for everyone!!!

Below the cut there WILL BE talk of season 3, as well as some talk of chapter 16. There’s a healthy amount of theorizing on his personality as well, I hope you don’t mind! This came out more like a plea to get people to change their minds about how Asmo really is, rather than a comprehensive essay of sorts. So here we go!

There’s something we apparently still need to talk about in this fanbase. The unrealistic idea of Asmodeus being a sex freak, and an unreliable person in general despite there being little proof of it. We need to set a few things straight about Asmo moving forward.

December 25th rolled around and Asmo’s audio drama and song were released. I take it everyone enjoyed both parts, as well as I did. My timeline both on twitter and tumblr were filled with Asmodeus content, as well as the other brothers and such. But I mostly got Asmo content. However, in peeks and cracks, if I looked hard enough, I still saw people who absolutely loathed Asmo or who were indifferent to him. Keep in mind; I think it’s okay. You don’t have to like everyone.

I’ve only joined the fanbase in September, but even I could tell some of these takes were old fashioned. I downloaded the game on October 17th, a very important anniversary for me, while I 

was still in bed in the morning. I blazed through the entire story of season 1 and now I am stuck in season 2, specifically in Chapter 24. I obviously don’t have every card of Asmodeus with his Devilgrams, but I have been analyzing his character over the past few days for this.

So needless to say, I have a considerable amount of information on him, as well as personal thoughts that may help some learn to love him. Or at the very least, from spreading a negative idea of him around as if it were true. Enough that should help clear his name, so to speak.

Let’s look at his title; Avatar of Lust. Now naturally the thoughts that come to your head are sex and other sexual bits. So I can understand how some people would come to the conclusion that he’s just a sex freak. But if you look under the surface of his title, like I’m sure you’ve had to for your own personal favorites (*cough* Lucifer, Belphie, and Satan ESPECIALLY) you would discover that Asmodeus is more than just about sex. In fact, sex takes up very little of his pass time, if you were to believe it!

In recent chapters, as I’ve been told, Asmodeus doesn’t really get around much anyways:

Granted, this was said while in Celestia, but I imagine not much has changed for him since his fall, as well as his brothers.

Not really comfortable being with just anyone, huh…? Sounds like someone who doesn’t have sex so warily often as you���d think!

Being lustful can come in many shapes and forms. It can be merely in appearance, which Asmo is not afraid of doing. He’s very comfortable about skinship and it’s very apparent in how he dresses and acts that he wants you to adore his body. To worship it! Maybe not sexually, but aesthetically! Being lustful can mean just thinking about sex or sexual scenarios often, which if you take a peek at Asmo’s chat’s either with you or his brothers, is very apparent too.

Personally, I believe that people would assume he is not good in a relationship because he would have a “cheating problem”. I don’t think Asmo is a monster, just like I don’t think any of the brothers are monsters. They may be demons (technically fallen angels) now but they used to be angels too. Their falling out with their Father doesn’t mean they’ve completely abandoned morality, it was a rebellion for Lilith’s right to live. Not for them to sin as they pleased. For all we know they might have been fine in Heaven otherwise! (with the exception of Lucifer.)

A monster knows right from wrong and chooses evil anyways. An ignorant person doesn’t know right from wrong. Asmodeus is not a monster, nor is he ignorant.

When Asmo genuinely loves you, I think he would take steps to calm down that side of him, if it were to exist. Lust is fairly limited, but it is a part of love to some extent. LOVE is vastly different. Love has many languages, and they aren’t all spoken either. For me, personally, I found that Lucifer’s love language can be either very direct, or roundabout so as to not let it go to your head, for an example. Asmo is just far more direct about his care for you.

I feel as though Asmo gets a lot of crap constantly for his presumed nature and because we don’t get to see much else of him at first, especially in season 1, his impression on us sort of stays. With most of the fanbase either somewhat new to the game or somewhere lost in the sea of the difficulty curve that is season 2, we can only assume based on what we’ve seen, and what others have headcanoned about him.

Let’s break and talk about Satan for a moment; this is going somewhere.

I’m led to believe that Satan can control his sin fairly well. He’s easy to get irritated, sure, but he isn’t as much of a walking ball of rage as I suspected. I would argue that, aside from Leviathan, Satan can handle his sin the best out of the brothers. But again, we’re forgetting about Asmo. The Avatar of “Lust”. Like I’ve shown before, he doesn’t really sleep around a lot, according to anon.

At worst, Asmo being flirty is through text and he’s not actively trying to sleep with you. It can be interpreted that way, but for me personally, it comes down to having a friend that is very up close and in your personal space.

(I myself am one of these types of people. Having ADHD, my social cues are always sort of off, and I’ve struggled with coping with it for years. With my best friend, we have seen each other naked countless times and have slept in the same bed as well. We were never romantic with each other. We were just very comfortable being close and personal with each other.)

I’d like to point out also that Asmo isn’t even there for most of season 1 too. Which can give you the idea that maybe he just was out sleeping around a lot, but to me he probably just went out partying a lot. You don’t get known that fast for sleeping around. Maybe in 5,000 years, sure, but I’d imagine being a party boy, as his Devilgram “Guided by Desire” suggests.

So the idea that Asmo isn’t in the house a lot because he’s out having sex all the time isn’t true is it? He’s probably just out partying, which can LEAD to sex with someone sure, but again, Asmo doesn’t feel comfortable doing that, now does he?

I feel like of all the boys, Asmo is the one who radiates with everyone else the most. Most people will never realize how surreal it is that Asmo is faking it until he makes it. He doesn’t always think he’s beautiful, or that he’s worth all the love he’s striving and straining to get. Something that is extremely relatable for a lot of people with self-worth issues. Asmo is just like that, but instead being sarcastic and self-deprecating, he simply works to make himself look as beautiful as possible, so that in his eyes, his beauty matches the affection he gets.

Which is why, when he falls in love with you, it’s strange. You are constantly telling him he’s nice and pretty, but you aren’t lusting after him. You’re just being nice. It may just be me, but when people are overly nice just for the sake of being nice, I’m very attracted to that. That is Asmo, to some extent. The fact that he reflects the insecurities and habits of others so clearly may make others uncomfortable, but that brutal honesty veiled behind insecurity is what a lot of people with self-image issues deal with.

Now for me to share my favorite personal idea for Asmo that completely changed how I saw him in season 1 onwards; Asmodeus is an empath. Now let me explain:

First, what is an Empath?

The term empath comes from empathy, which is the ability to understand the experiences and feelings of others outside of your own perspective. Seems simple, right? Everyone can do this to some extent. However, what makes you an empath is the fact that empaths genuinely feel the same pain as you do. So much so your experience becomes a very personal part of their own. They are capable of being able to feel other people’s emotions without them speaking, or even showing signs of it through their body language.

This would explain, for me personally, why there’s so little of him in season 1. The intensity of what goes on in the house, his sensitive soft-spoken mannerisms, the only time he truly gets mad is when he’s childishly arguing with Mammon? Asmo is afraid of true conflict, he’s afraid of violence and negative emotions. Let’s face it; everyone is indifferent or hates you at the start of the game.

While this changes fairly quickly, all the intense feelings come to a head in chapter 16. All those negative emotions swirling around, of course Asmo isn’t going to want to be in the house when it’s that intense. The attic didn’t just disappear completely, too. Belphie was still in the attic hating humans. That negative emotion could be affecting Asmo and he didn’t know why, so he could have been out of the house more.

Where Asmo can feel the emotions of others, it may mostly be the negative ones because they fill him with anxiety and panic if it persists. Which can be helpful in making him so urgent to want to make others smile and feel better, right?

Imagine being intimate with Asmodeus, and suddenly you aren’t in the mood for it anymore but don’t want to make things awkward. He could pick up on it in an instant and wouldn’t get mad because he understands how you feel completely.

Now to close this out about something that genuinely hurts me; Asmodeus is a narcissist.

I mean, the wiki says that he is, but personally? No, no he isn’t. Since when is loving yourself a bad thing? Sure he may go a bit far sometimes, but people with self-image issues need to go a little harder than the rest to make sure they're getting the love they need.

(Talking about myself AGAIN, but I do this a lot. At random, I will look up in my own mirror in front of my desk that I sit in front of all day and tell myself I am a cute bitch. I am VERY VERY cute and anyone would be lucky to have someone as drop dead gorgeous as myself. I say that a few times a day. In reality, I am very insecure about my looks. I do believe I’m cute, but sometimes it’s hard to say it. Which is why I force myself. Why wouldn’t Asmo do the same?)

Talking yourself up to be as beautiful as a sex god is no easy task, but Asmo isn’t the Avatar of “Lust” for no reason. When an insecure girl talks up her beauty, it’s her being strong and independent. When Asmo does it, its narcissism… it doesn’t really seem fair, now does it? Maybe he’s just an insecure person who needs to tell himself ALL THE TIME that he’s beautiful. That if he stares at his reflection long enough, he may see it too.

(Also, Simeon literally calls him out on being insecure. Insecure people tend to try and overcompensate where they feel they’re lacking.)

”Asmodeus is hinted to be insecure and seeking for love and attention. When Simeon was asked about what he thought of Asmodeus, he says that Asmodeus is still trying to fulfill the role of the angel he used to be; an angel that was adored and loved by many. Asmodeus laughs at Simeon's remark and brushes it off by saying that he is only jealous.” - A section from said Asmodeus Wiki.

People can choose to love or hate Asmo, obviously. Making things up about his character without having anything but speculation and having that dictate how he acts is plain silly. This entire “essay” if you can call it that, comes from the heart. I love Asmo as a character, and in the beginning he did make me uncomfortable, I didn’t like him that much. But I learned to look past that and figure out why he acts the way he does. Something didn’t sit right with me about him for a while, and it was that air of insecurity that I didn’t see at first.

All I can really ask for, is giving Asmo another chance as a character. He’s not as wild and wacky as Mammon, or as cool and sexy as Lucifer, or as edgy and precious as Belphie, but he matters in this story too. He fell from grace with his brothers for Lilith. Give him another chance, and let him show you that he is the Avatar of Love.

[stealforreal]

Midoriya Izuku - Future kids I

Midoriya Izuku's day just got turned upside down. MIdoriya is slightly ooc, and I'm dissapointed with the quality of this work. I lost inspiration sorry, but here you go anyways.

Midoriya Izuku x f!reader

Warnings: none, maybe slight cussing

It had been a normal day, so far. Class 1-b and 1-a had a joint training session, and everyone was giving it their all. Iida was using his recipico burst against their team's opponents, giving Midoriya time to think up a new plan now that they had been discovered. They had previously planned to use Aoyama's navel laser to lure their opponents to a specific spot, before using Iida to get him away so Midoriya and Todoroki could apprehend them. The plan had unfortunately backfired, since they had captured Aoyama before Iida could get to him. The solid air user from 1-b had gotten him in his hold, and only after Todoroki had gotten him back did they realise how much the rest of the plan would fail. So now Midoriya was tasked with coming up with a new plan.

Todoroki was occupied with holding the others at bay, and Iida was running out of fuel so they wouldn’t be much help. Aoyama was on the brink of his usual stomach ache that followed with overuse, so he was also pretty useless. Even if he wanted too Midoriya knew he was out matched, a 4 v 1 would not end well for him, besides he had to look out for Monoma and his copy quirk. He was so in his head planning that he didn’t see the Copycat sneaking up on him, not before it was too late. He should have felt an impact, Monoma had pointed one of Bakugou’s explosions towards him. But the impact never came, instead he felt himself float in the air hovering over the remaining smoke from the explosion. “Don’t you dare hurt my daddy” A loud girly voice proclaimed, effectively gaining everybody nearby attention.

Turning his attention towards the girly voice, he felt himself freeze up. In the middle of their training field stood a girl around the age of 10, if he had to take a guess. But that wasn’t what caused him to freeze up, no not the fact that this young girl had somehow managed to bypass UA’s security. Which should have been impossible, considering all the improvements that had been made to it after all the villain attacks that had happened. No, what caused him to freeze up was the fact that before him stood this girl, who looked like a carbon copy of him. It seemed that way from this distance. “Who is responsible for holding Midoriya in the air?” Aizawa’s gruff voice rang out. “Oh right, I forgot about that,” The curly green haired girl exclaimed, catching the attention of the slowly increasing crowd. Slowly Midoriya could feel himself being lowered to the ground again, once his feet hit the cement the quirk that had previously held him in the air deactivated making him feel 10 times heavier.

“Who the fuck disturbed the exercise, I’m gonna kill who ever did it” a familiar angry voice yelled out, making Bakugou’s presence noticeable. Everybody was a little on edge, they had enough experience with villains to not foolishly blindly trust anybody. It didn’t matter that it was a 10 year-old girl, or that she looked like a carbon copy of the resident green haired cinnamon roll. “Man, Uncle Katsu you really were loud back in the day” This statement from the green haired girl left everyone speechless. ‘Does she have a death wish’ was the thought on most of 1-A’s minds, nobody was so casual with Bakugou because it was a serious health hazard.

Well everyone except maybe his two best friends, Kirishima and y/n. It was common knowledge in class A that Bakugou had a soft spot for his two best friends, they had honestly been shocked the first time they met her. She had walked into the classroom, blank faced, walked over to Bakugou’s table, smacked him upside the head with a book before leaving it on his desk, and walked out the door with only a quick “don’t forget it next time, Idiot”. Miraculously she had lived, and Bakugou hadn’t even begun yelling. An impressive feat in itself. Not long after Midoriya had begun noticing you around school, and found out you were a part of the support course. He came to know you a bit, his observation skills made that almost too easy. Slowly but surely he began falling in love with you, the way your hair frames your face, your sharp tongue that never held back. How you would stand up for anybody, it didn’t matter if you knew them well or not if they were in trouble you would help them.

“Hah, what was that you brat?” Bakugou’s loud yelling and heavy footsteps approaching snapped him out of his thoughts, and back to the situation at hand. “ W-wait a minute Kacchan, I’m s-sure that there is a logical explanation” He found himself saying before he could even register what happened. Midoriya was hit with an immense feeling of protectiveness, similar to when they had rescued Eri, but stronger. Without knowing he had subconsciously stepped in front of the girl, pushing her behind his back. “Don’t worry dad I can handle myself, besides it’s only uncle Katsu” she spoke up behind the protective cinnamon roll. “Explain now” Aizawa cut in before they could get side tracked again. It was like the fact she hadn’t introduced herself, only hit her now.

“ Right, allow me to introduce myself” Bowing slightly she continued. “ My name is Midoriya Izumi, I am 10 years old and from the future” Aizawa sent her a raised eyebrow, wanting an elaborated answer. “ My friend was being teased by the others in class about how he was quirkless” Izuku tensed slightly but continued listening to Izumi “ Since my friend’s parents each has a quirk related to time, his mom could speed up herself for only a couple of minutes and his dad could slow down others a bit. This made it really hard for my friend to know if he had a quirk or not, so I helped him research and test different theories. Our last one must have worked, which is time travel by the way, but I have no idea how long his quirk will last” Izumi rambled slightly, reminding them of another curly green haired individual. Difference is Izumi talked loud enough for them to hear, and a bit slower making it understandable.

“Wait, you said your name was Midoriya Izumi. Does this mean that you are Midoriya’s daughter” The ever stoic, conspiracy theory thinking, dual haired boy pointed out. “ Yep, sure am uncle Sho, Don’t tell me you don’t see the resemblance.” She stood next to Izuku hugging his waist with one arm, before continuing” I’m dad's younger copy but female, mom always says there is more wholesomeness in him than there is in her. I remember her asking dad one time why his genes were so damn strong. Luckily for her Haru looks a lot more like her, he’s her younger copy but male” The people present looked between the two Midoriyas, it was true nobody could deny that she was her fathers daughter. The only thing that was different was her eyes, they had specks of y/e/c instead of being fully emerald like Izuku’s were. Also she talks a lot, just like their classmate. They shared the same green hair, both were curly in texture and the classic Midoriya freckles. Though it seemed that she had gotten more of her mothers personality, at least they assumed so. I mean she stood up to Bakugou, without even flinching at his tone.

“Oi, squirt what’s your quirk. And quit rambling like shitty Deku” Bakugou asked, interest evident in his tone. “ Right, my quirk is called Telekinesis, so I can move stuff with my mind. It was also how I was able to keep daddy in the air” Izumi responded, puffing her chest out comically in pride. “Huh so it skipped a generation, and your quirk is stronger than my mom’s. But you also have a different approach so maybe that helps. I wonder why yours is stronger, is it because of your mothers quirk. But then again my quirk is also powerful maybe an aspect of it ties to the genes maybe that’s why your quirk is stronger than moms” The older green haired individual began mumbling on, and he probably would have continued if he hadn’t been cut off by his lowly daughter hitting him in the head. “ Daddy stop mumbling,” Izumi stated sternly.

Bakugou grinned, he liked this kid's spunk and she seemed to have a strong quirk, even if she was shitty Deku’s kid. “Oi squirt fight me” He loudly proclaimed, earning all his classmates attention. Almost everyone began yelling over each other, what the hell dude and she just a kid another one was so not manly bro. Instead of being happy her dad’s old classmates were defending her, stopping her uncle from fighting her she got annoyed. So what if she was a child, this wouldn’t be her first time fighting her dad or her uncles. Before everyone could attack Bakugou even more a voice piqued up “ Sure, if that is alright with you sensei” she directed her attention towards Mr. Aizawa.

It wasn’t rational to challenge a child to a fight, but he couldn’t deny she had a great fighting spirit in her eyes. So he allowed it, he was curious himself to see how it would end. The control she displayed earlier was phenomenal, and she was only 10 but she had a lot of potential in his book. He shooed everuýone a bit away from the hothead and the young Midoriya, and so then created a ring of sorts acting a the line of confinement.

3…..2…...1…...GO!

Bakugou charged straight in with his usual right hook, only to have it swiftly caught by Izumi. She grabbed his right hand, squatted down a bit, then swiftly pushed her shoulder into his rib. The momentum of that allowed her to, even with some difficulty, flip his much larger body over her shoulder and into the ground. There was a small second of silence where Bakugou just laid on the ground in shock, a girl over 5 years younger than him just flipped him over her shoulder like it wasn’t even that hard. However Izumi didn’t give him time to think as she sent metal bars towards him. They had been fried earlier, before her arrival. Bakugou used his explosions to evade the metal projectiles, sending another one straight towards her face. Die squirt die, his colorful vocabulary re-entered the scene. She used her Telekinesis to command the explosion to change course and hit Bakugou square in the face instead. Slightly dazed Bakugou didn’t have time to move before a heel connected to his temple, effectively knocking him out.

Everyone who bore witness to this fight was shell shocked, Bakugou lost. The fight lasted only around 8 minutes before the winner of the 1 years sports festival got knocked out by a 10 year old girl. “Huh, that was easier than expected,” the panting girl exclaimed. Izuku could feel his chest swell with pride, that was his daughter. Strong and smart just like her parents. She walked over to Izuku and slumped against him “ I’m tired daddy, carry me” She looked up at him with those doe green eyes, and how could he say no to his little warrior princess. Blushing, he picked her up, and she let out a sigh of contentment. Using her quirk to command things on a molecular level, like Bakugou’s explosions always took a toll on her.

“Midoriya take Izumi to the dorms to let her rest, the rest of you come with me for our next exercise” Mr. Aizawa commanded the frozen teens and teacher. Izuku then began making his way to the dorms, asking his sleepy daughter a tornado of questions. Do you know about my quirk, how does your quirk work, how old is Haru, am I a good dad, who is your mom? Even in her sleepy state Izumi answered his questions to the best of her abilities, though she refused to reveal who her mother was.

When they arrived at the dorms he put her on the living room couch, and went to leave to grab her some old All Might merch that could fit her. Before he could leave she grabbed his cheeks rather harshly, looking him straight in the eye she said “Don’t worry about who mom is, she loves you for you so it's gonna be fine. Also don’t screw this up so I’ll still be born.” Izuku sweat dropped nervously, before getting out of her hold to go find that old merch of his.

When he returned to the living room after finding what he was looking for, he looked around only to find that it was empty. He walked over to the couch and coffee table where he found a note, picking it up and sitting down on the couch to read it. Dearest daddy, I felt tingly so I think the quirk is gonna wear off now. I just wanted to say that you are awesome and the best daddy out there, I love you so much. I’ll see you again in the future - hugs Izumi Midoriya. Izuku’s heart fell, she had only just arrived an hour or so ago and now she was gone. He didn’t get to know his daughter better like he had hoped, and he didn’t get to see her adorably dressed up in his old All Might merch. He read the note over and over again, trying to satisfy his heart. He would see her again in the future, and then it clicked. his heart swelled, yeah he would see Izumu again some day.

Yeah he would see her again when he was married and happy. Yeah he could wait for that, as long as he has too.

@rainypeachbakerygoth

[1ddiscourseoftheday]

💙Fri 11 Dec ‘20◟̽◞̽

Louis' big show is TOMORROW but that may not even be all we have to look forward to from him! Producer Alex Oriet (half of the duo Saltwives, who have worked with Zayn a lot, and he got his start working with 1D) reposted Louis' “new song” tweet to his insta with a caption- “soon”. OMG. Billboard had a 'year in livestreams' feature and wrapped up with Louis', saying “the best is yet to come” and reporting that Louis' show is Veeps' bestselling of the year “in excess of $1 million” (so either over a mil so far or a mil over the next best, hard to say, but it'll be well over a million by the end for sure so either makes sense).“I can't wait for tomorrow!” Louis tweeted, SAME, and “feels so good to be back with the boys getting ready. Can't wait for you all to see what we've been working on!” He included the brand new special Live From London twiiter emoji (!), it's a really cute lil vintage TV with the xx smiley on it, and a pic-- it's him looking over the backstage prep (so many screens) and you can see his hair flowing free and long and lovely! You can also see a piece of paper in front of him with 20 lines on it-- even if it is a set list I imagine some lines say “banter with crowd” and such like (as we saw on Louis' tour set list) but that's still soooo many lovely songs :))). Charlie Lightening says “this is going to be special, can’t wait for people to see what we have planned” and LTHQoffical is hitting us hard with the hype, posting another rehearsal pic (he's holding a beer and they didn't even scribble it out! wow almost like there's nothing wrong with that), and a time zone guide showing 66 cities around the world, and a digital fan pack, and they said more merch will be out tomorrow (heeelllp), and there's a show day itinerary-- ticket sales cut off 4 hours before the stream but much more interestingly, don't reopen (for the 28 hours of rewatch) until TWO HOURS after the start time. While they could (probably should) be allowing time for technical difficulties I much prefer to believe it's because we're getting a LONG SHOW YES PLEASE! I like my Louis shows like I like his hair, as long as he can possibly manage!! So that's plenty that we DO know to be excited about at the moment but the mystery of Louis new label also remains a hot topic nonetheless, with the known high cost of a twitter emoji stirring questions of who footed the bill (not something we're ever likely to find out sadly). If his team really understood us in the least they'd set up a viral video style Q and A where every Q pulled out of the bowl was an intensely detailed bookkeeping or promo strategy type query- tbh the faces Louis (or any one of the boys) would make would be 100x more entertaining than they get from any tired trying-to-be-cheeky standard Q and the answers sure would be!

Harry's prerecorded (months ago!) Jingle Ball performance aired at last and OH MY GOSH! SO GOOD! I think we can all agree (I know right?? I can't believe it either) that the backing band, Free Nationals, were phenomenal, and Harry's performance was terrific, just simply next level versions of the songs and Harry's sound in general. What more could we ask? For me, not much. For the Jingle Bell Ball organizers, well, they might have liked something Christmassy I suppose, maybe a holiday cover song, or a “tour of his home and holiday traditions.” LOL too bad! Whatever, they DID get vocal variations all over the place and oh did they work, a little lyric change in Golden (“I'm hoping someday I'll open”?), Harry in a sunny LA backyard (whose? who knows!) and everyone in not remotely festive Gucci. There were some decorations though! Not xmassy though- they were, can you guess, yes that's right: sky blue. And there was TRUMPET! A horn section, like revenge, is best served cold apparently: all these years on we can only assume Julian Bulian is good and sorry for denying Harry his trumpets cause DAMN did that sound GOOD. Julian may not say it but I will: you were SO RIGHT Harry, trumpets on every song!! Please! In fact, if you just took that guy on tour with you... or any of those people really? He can just have a really BIG backing band how about, then we won't have to argue about whether wanting this to be his band is mean to the old band. Anyway I hope the fan who ran into him in LA this morning told him how much we liked the show-- she did take a distanced pic, Harry is in his running gear (mostly black but bright fruity shoes) and holding a beverage. Oh yeah and Fine Line is now available to stream in “3D audio” (there's a moving in a New Direction from 1D joke in here headline writers, have at it) which is something that apparently only works with an Amazon device and is strange because physicists assure me that all sound is 3D, but what do they know. Anyway I'm sure it sounds great to those who can access it but luckily for me the album sounds great in plebian unbranded sound as well.

In the wake of Liam's no-show livestream yesterday fans are full of theories about what could be going on to cause such a thing, except actually it's only one theory; everyone is quick to ascribe the glitch to management struggles. May I simply say: there are so very very many things that could be happening in a person's life, even in a 1D member's life, that could cause a missed event and reducing any of them to 1 Dimensional figures who only have work related problems does them (and rigorous theorizing) a disservice. I hope we can all agree on wanting what's best for Liam, and that that extends to supporting him even if things are going on that are less glamorous than management villainy. I will ascribe one thing to management though-- I do believe the guys do the bulk of their own tweeting etc nearly always, but @Liam's tweet that yesterday's live didn't happen due to “technical difficulties” and they are “looking to reschedule” is one that I will make the exception for, sometimes you can just feel the PR person behind the screen! Tik Tok said it was rescheduled for next Tuesday, but the tweet was after that sooo hmm. The Billboard article about Veeps of course also talked about Liam (his Halloween show had 3.7 BILLION chat messages my god) and Liam's prerecorded alarm content today is Roman teaching Liam to do a Harry impression. How come when Roman does it it sounds like Harry but when Liam does it he sounds like Roman? Tip to Liam, just call it a Roman impression and you've GOT it!

Meanwhile, Lewis Capaldi weighs in on Niall and whether he (Lewis) enjoys golf with uncharaceristic delicacy; “we have different interests,” he says, and he sympathizes with a fan who said they'd slap him to meet Harry: “I understand.”

[aiyexayen]

re: that "I'll live for you post" - WHERE'S THE ESSAY

this post? [innocent face]

alright, alright, JUST TWIST MY ARM WHY DON'T YOU, just force me to talk more about my boys!

4.9k word essay under the cut

Wei Wuxian

Let us take a look at Wei Wuxian first. Wei Wuxian has no problems throwing himself in-between the people he loves and danger, or even certain death. Hell, sometimes he just throws himself into it for fun and profit!

To some extent, putting yourself in danger to help others and being willing to die is something of a cultivator thing in general, a hero thing in general, right? And Wei Wuxian is a prodigy, exceptionally strong and clever, so he has more reason than most to be a little cavalier. But most of the point of training so hard as a cultivator and getting strong and aligning yourself with a sect is kind of so you can be in real danger of dying as little as possible, one would presume.

So we're going to set aside the danger-as-a-profession thing for now, because I think it's only tangentially related.

The real point is, Wei Wuxian is sacrificial to a fault. If there is a problem, he decides he's the one who needs to fix it. And his first go-to solution is to throw himself at it, to give up anything of himself if it's viable. As clever as he is, if he finds a workable solution that involves his own sacrifice, he doesn't stop to look for anything else.

Some of it is pride--not wanting to admit he needs help from anyone else, and the shame of being seen as weak.

Some of it is arrogance--a very natural kind given his competence, the presumption that he knows best in a given situation (neurodivergent arrogance walking hand-in-hand with self-esteem issues is always a fun time).

Some of it is appropriate--ranging from his own moral imperative to protect the weak and do what's right to his understanding of his place in culture and in his own sect and relationships.

Some of it is a natural bent toward caretaking, "fixing," and heroics--someone has to do it, so it's going to be Wei Wuxian. He won't hesitate to take initiative in any other area of life, and this is no exception.

And some of it, yes, is a lack of value placed in his own life--between a more youthful, dramatic perspective on 'I would die for you/for this cause' taking priority in his worldview, and some genuine self-esteem issues. Issues largely stemming from his uncertain place in the world growing up and his uncertain relationship with parental/guardian/master and other familial figures, all stewing under the surface and brought to light sharply when the world went to shit and choices were made and he lost or seemed to have lost everything from his reputation to his home to his extant support structures. The paranoia and voices in his head (the ptsd and resentful-energy-as-ptsd-metaphor both) only drove that home.

Basically, Wei Wuxian was already trending in some unfortunate directions but his circumstances and the people surrounding him kept him grounded, and the events of the story as it unfolded really pushed him all in. No one thing or one person--even Wei Wuxian himself--is really to blame for that, which is the beauty of the story really.

I also think Wei Wuxian started to buy into some of his own stories at his lowest points--the things he said or came up with, lies he told publicly, justifications he made for his choices once the heat of the moment and the panic was over. Justifications he made to himself and to others. He purposefully led people to believe much that was incorrect about him and his character and his status, to which the response was distaste and horror, and even though he planned it that way in order to push everyone away I really think he started to believe it himself. Depression and trauma are just really fun times.

I'm getting a bit off-topic.

The point remains, Wei Wuxian is extremely sacrificial. He comes by much of it naturally, and not nearly all of it is bad or melodrama or angst or even unhealthy or problematic. It's one of his good qualities, too, and it's one of the ways he knows how to love.

All of the threads weaving together to make Wei Wuxian and the situations he finds himself sacrificing things in are all true, but it also really comes down to love. He loved Jiang Cheng enough to sacrifice his everything and risk his life doing so. He loved his sect enough he was willing to sacrifice his right hand. He loved his sect enough to sacrifice his very ties to it. He loved Lan Zhan enough to sacrifice their friendship. He loved Jin Ling enough to sacrifice himself to the curse he got in the Nie tombs. (And more!)

Wei Wuxian loved, and so he sacrificed. Thus, the initial post.

Jiang Cheng

Let's switch gears for a moment and talk about my darling Jiang Wanyin.

Ah, Jiang Cheng, Jiang Cheng. Taking the initiative and sacrificing at the drop of a hat and so forth are not really characteristics of Jiang Cheng's the same way they are for Wei Wuxian.

And yet, is he not also a disciple of Yunmeng Jiang; is he not also a young hero? Has he not pride, and the incentive to do good?

Does he not also see love as sacrifice?

Zi Zhizhu was his mother. The woman who sacrificed to get Jiang Cheng and Wei Wuxian to safety. The woman who killed herself and crawled across the ground to hold her husband's hand in death.

You think she wasn't Like That the whole time? You think Jiang Cheng picked up nothing of such behaviours from her, even before that day?

Hah.

Besides which, there's absolutely an underlying theme of Jiang Cheng trying to be like Wei Wuxian for much of their lives.

Partially just...Wei Wuxian, strong and clever and popular shige, always manages to get credit and glory and good stories and good favour, exemplary of the Jiang motto--the one Jiang Cheng's own name is tied to. They were supposed to be shuangjie, besides. How could he not want to be like him at least a bit? If nothing else, it's a little brother's curse.

And partially this is also due to Jiang Cheng's parents and that whole Situation.

It was complicated for so many reasons, and absolutely left Jiang Cheng feeling inferior to Wei Wuxian. As though he needed to be more like Wei Wuxian, to emulate him, in order to be worthy of his title and station and inheritance, something that turned out to be categorically untrue in the end. There are many kinds of leaders, and many kinds of strengths.

As an aside, I personally think that's something Jiang Fengmian and Yu Ziyuan knew, themselves, as adults and leaders and political figures in their own rights. Adults often don't realise or think about how the things they say can influence children's entire worldviews and senses of self (why, no, I don't speak from experience, why would you ask such a thing ahaha).

Jiang-zongzhu and Zi Zhizhu got a lot of their own relationship difficulties and misunderstandings and conflicts and conflicting attempts to want the best for their children (and ward) tangled up in everything. I think if they'd ever been able to speak plainly, if they could manifest into the Ancestral Hall and speak to Jiang Cheng, they would say so.

Just as Jiang Cheng would have cause to be horrified by much of what Wei Wuxian believed about himself, I think Jiang Cheng's parents would have cause to be horrified by much of what Jiang Cheng believed. (I mean, and Wei Wuxian, probably.)

Anyway.

Jiang Cheng has plenty of reasons to aspire to those same ideals of sacrifice. And it's not just aspirations, either--we see him follow through.

He walked outside from that inn, saw Wei Wuxian in danger, and made a decision in the space of a single breath--a decision with full understanding, too. He knew he was giving up his entire life for Wei Wuxian's. He said goodbye in his head.

I would argue (and I'm sure I've said this before somewhere too) that his sacrifice was the purest example of this in the entire story.

Perhaps some of it is that many of Wei Wuxian's sacrifices are premeditated and just about all of them have alternative solutions that don't involve him just diving in and giving pieces of himself up.

That isn't to say that Wei Wuxian wouldn't see a sword aimed at Jiang Cheng and take the blow himself. But we never see him do that, exactly. As much as Jiang Cheng has internalised this ideal of Wei Wuxian's, he both encounters fewer of these situations and has other problem-solving tactics in his repertoire.

The way Jiang Cheng hates himself doesn't lead him to think of himself as disposable. I could get into a (very amateur) discussion of negative schemas formed in childhood and their various similarities and differences, and the different ways Jiang Cheng and Wei Wuxian's brains appear to work (Jiang Cheng sees himself as inferior, while Wei Wuxian willfully dehumanises himself in other ways), but basically, it's simply a different set of psychological issues.

But! When he is faced with the choice, Jiang Cheng absolutely dies for the ones he loves.

He loves his sect and his family, and he internalises love as sacrifice, and when it comes down to an extreme moment he chooses to die for them.

And then he doesn't die.

And then the war happens.

Jiang Cheng's Growth

There are a lot of reasons for Jiang Cheng to grow in this area, and I think it starts with inheriting the sect.

(This leads to excellent thoughts about What If Wei Wuxian Had Somehow Become Sect Leader but that's an au for another day.)

If sect heir was a position full of responsibility and reputation management, how much more so is zongzhu? Jiang Cheng is suddenly responsible for all these people. Whether he's good enough or not doesn't even matter. The job is there and it's inescapable and he's the only one there to do it.

I'm absolutely sure he still has all kinds of inferiority shit he's dealing with by post-timeskip and he only just gets to touch on some pieces of resolution by the end of the story, with the one person still in the world who would even know anything about the life that gave it to him.

Jiang Cheng has been responsible for people before, in small ways--night hunts and such, I'm sure, and he was certainly in charge of the Yunmeng Jiang disciples who went to Cloud Recesses. But being at the top of that hierarchy entirely is such a different matter, and he did so at a very young age and in a very fraught time.

The fact that he had to deal with all this new responsibility and duty to people more than his family and to causes greater than the first people in need he encounters is a huge perspective shift. Especially as a sect with nothing to give and no wiggle room where it comes not only to basic resources post-war, but to things like reputation and political standing. This is, of course, a huge facet to the conflict between him and Wei Wuxian (and the Wen remnants) at that point in the story.

But on a personal level it also speaks to the sacrifice thing. If Jiang Cheng sacrifices his life, he is not just sacrificing his own life anymore.

When he gave up his life for Wei Wuxian, he had not yet inherited. His parents were only barely gone. There was nothing to inherit. There was no surety of there ever being something to inherit ever again. Everything else was already gone. It was only the three of them, barely surviving, running for their lives. It was only him and Wei Wuxian in a street, and one of them had to die.

But once he inherits? He's a commander. He's a leader. He has all the knowledge and all the networking connections. He has the reputation. He has the social standing. He might still have a long way to go in developing his skills, but he has a natural leadership ability and he does have training appropriate to his station.

What happens if he personally sacrifices his life? What happens to all of that? What happens to everyone depending on him?

That's not very satisfying, very epic-worthy. That's not very dramatic or romantic. It's gradual, and messy, that kind of change and realisation. Becoming that kind of person. Making choices based in that reality. Deciding that you do not belong to yourself.

And I think it really comes to a head when his siblings die.

I think it comes to a head personally. Not just in his role as Jiang-zongzhu. We don't see Jiang Cheng choose not to die, in as many words. But we certainly see him choose to live.

Or, perhaps, we see the evidence of that choice.

Jiang Cheng could have faded away. He could have started delegating all his responsibilities, gotten help from other sects, trained up a replacement. He could have made such things necessary by getting more and more reclusive. He could have pulled a Qingheng-Jun.

Hell, with a-jie gone already, he could have just said fuck this and followed Wei Wuxian off that cliff, and if you don't think he wonders about that sometimes--at least at first--then we have very different interpretations of Jiang Cheng as a person.

And no, none of those are sacrifice. But at some point, he still chose to do the opposite.

He chose every day to live for his sect, to keep growing it into something powerful and secure. He took that vow that he made and he fucking stuck to it.

And he chose to live for Jin Ling.

I don't half wonder if that was a bigger driving force at first than anything else.

Jiang Cheng could absolutely have left Jin Ling to be raised by his Jin family in the absence of his parents and fucked off to hide away in Yunmeng and had nothing to do with him. He could have done a lot of things, let himself develop in a lot of ways, unhealthy ways.

But he so very clearly did not.

Jin Ling and Jiang Cheng have a close relationship. Jin Ling defers to Jiang Cheng, is answerable to him on night hunts and beyond them. It's never questioned why he's basically just in the Yunmeng Jiang party by himself. Yunmeng Jiang disciples answer to Jin Ling in turn, follow his orders without question in the absence of their zongzhu. It's a Yunmeng Jiang disciple who hands Xianzi off to Jin Ling outside the Guanyin Temple in Yunping, and Jiang Cheng is intimately familiar with Xianzi's commands and is apparently a trusted person to give them (which, we find out, Jin Guangyao is not.)

As much as Jiang Cheng is not good at saying what he means, and especially after everything he's been through his softer bits have grown harder and harder carapace around them, Jin Ling never seems to misunderstand what Jiang Cheng means. They snipe at each other and snark and bitch and roll their eyes and so clearly love each other.

Jiang Cheng's love for Jin Ling shines brightly the second you know how to interpret Jiang Cheng, and Jin Ling absolutely does. Jin Ling's trust in Jiang Cheng is incredible.

Jin Ling is practically Yunmeng Jiang's heir, and practically Jiang Cheng's son.

That sort of thing doesn't just happen, because you're related or whatever. In fact, the story goes out of its way to present blood relations not being close, especially father figures.

Which means from a young age, Jin Ling knew Jiang Cheng's love. Jiang Cheng, struggling young zongzhu of a struggling newly-rebuilt sect, who just lost everything, barely more than a kid himself, figured out he needed to not only stay alive, but needed to live for Jin Ling.

He needed to teach him everything, needed to figure out how to be the best of his own father and mother, and the best of Jin Ling's father and mother, and live up to every lost bit of love Jin Ling should have had, and try, and try, no matter how unworthy or unfit or inferior he felt. No matter how much he fucked up and didn't know. No matter how much grief he was dealing with. No matter how many people hated him and how few friends he had. No matter how much there was to do. No matter how overwhelming the endless tide of days, of forever in front of him felt, horrible and empty of everyone that had come before. Jiang Cheng still chose to live.

He carved out that new life because of love. He didn't die for anyone, and he didn't die for anyone's memory. He lived.

"I never thought I'd be worth the work it would take to piece myself together," but he did, for his sect, his disciples, his family's legacy, his siblings' memories, and Jin Ling.

And, as a bonus knife, the things we see him chide Jin Ling the most for? Are specifically things Wei Wuxian would have done, and even things he would have done in following him. Grandstanding, not asking for help when needed, wandering off alone, making unnecessary sacrifices.

Wei Wuxian's Growth

That brings us to Wei Wuxian coming back. And, well, the boy still has a long way to go. He goes through a lot of kinds of growth post-timeskip. And I think this is one of them.

For one, he's already fucking died once.

Honestly, almost ironically, that death wasn't even fully a sacrifice. Perhaps in some ways it was, in some ways he internalised that it was. But regardless, after all his sacrificing, he finally died. And, much like Jiang Cheng's sacrifice, it didn't stick. He woke back up. Albeit 16 years later.

Now, he wasn't keen on dying, or he maybe would have just gone back. But that doesn't mean he'd suddenly decided to live for anyone rather than die for them.

And, indeed, we still see that side of him come back with him in full force. He starts off by deciding he will just live this new life without Jiang Cheng and Lan Zhan altogether.

I think, for Wei Wuxian, this matter of sacrifice ends up being tied into a lot of other pieces of his growth--none of it happens independently of each other.

First, he is shown and told that he is wanted. That's the first thing. He cannot simply go on without inconveniencing/endangering/roping anyone else into his shit because his ties to other people don't work in only one direction. He is wanted.

Lan Zhan wants to be at his side, has not forgotten him, and loves him unwaveringly. That is a huge first step, right there at the beginning, when Lan Zhan grabs his hand, and they make eye contact, and by the time Lan Zhan turns to look away Wei Wuxian is grabbing his hand back desperately and that pretty much says everything it needs to right there.

The idea that Wei Wuxian can act at all without having any negative affect on anyone tied to him is something we see even outside the concept of sacrifice--how many times before his death, even before his defection, do we see him say things like "you can insult me, but don't involve the Yunmeng Jiang sect" like. Like. Wei Wuxian please. That's not how this works. That's not how any of this works.

So I think him realising that other people will willingly be tied to him and there's nothing he can do about it, that his actions affect the people who care about him all the time, is something he still has to learn/relearn even after everything that happened leading up to his death. I think, in particular, Wei Wuxian realising that it's not just his mistakes and fuckups that affect people, but his intentional actions, too. Like sacrifices. Even if they're at his own expense. Because people care and that's okay and good.

Lan Zhan drives that home with things like noticing that Wei Wuxian has transferred Jin Ling's curse to his own leg, and then insisting on carrying him.

Lan Zhan notices. Lan Zhan cares. This act of sacrifice does not end with Wei Wuxian suffering. It has cascading effects, even something this small. It is, perhaps, more effective a lesson on a small scale with fewer complexities woven in, than it would be on the larger scale issues he dealt with before his death.

This idea that his sacrifices affect people beyond him is carried through the rest of the story, too, from the way everyone seems to fret about him after the Burial Mounds and Lan Sizhui runs to hold him, down to the fact that he has to answer for how his sacrifice of his golden core to Jiang Cheng affects Jiang Cheng. Both the absence of his own golden core being a catalyst for a lot of other shit, and finding out about the core transfer actually fucking Jiang Cheng up. Which, it turns out, Wei Wuxian kind of knew would happen, he just thought he could get away with not dealing with it if he kept the secret better.

Wei Wuxian can't escape his sacrifices and his actions having an effect on those around him, the ones who care and the ones he cares about, or even the object of his sacrifice, and he really does have to have that hammered home.

He also deals with growth related to his pride and arrogance. He learns how to be weak, he learns how to have alternate forms of strength, he learns how to let others in, and let others stand with him.

Most of this is related to Lan Zhan, and I've already covered it at least somewhat in another meta, but it relates back to this, because those are two driving forces behind his sacrificial nature.

If Wei Wuxian is allowed to be weak, is allowed to hesitate, is allowed to go to others for help, is allowed to look for alternative solutions, that sets a better precedent for cutting down on the habitual self-sacrifice tendencies.

Additionally, he learns that others can and will stand with him in his sacrifices, when they are necessary.

Look at the way he pushes Lan Zhan away on the steps of Jinlintai, but Lan Zhan steps back toward him, and draws his sword, and declares his love before heaven and earth, saying in as many words that Wei Wuxian need not walk his path alone, and they fight together.

And the next time Wei Wuxian goes to sacrifice? In the Burial Mounds? He doesn't even think twice before volunteering Lan Zhan to stand with him. His entire plan revolves around the idea that Lan Zhan will stand with him--without even consulting Lan Zhan--and in doing so, they may be able to prevent Wei Wuxian from actually sacrificing his life.

Already we see him internalising a lot of that growth. He doesn't need to grandstand or prove himself; he doesn't care what everyone there thinks of him, and for the ones he does care about he is secure in their regard for him. He doesn't first attempt to sacrifice himself and be bait to draw the fierce corpses away while everyone including Lan Zhan runs off. He doesn't have to be convinced to accept Lan Zhan as part of his plan. He doesn't have to have Lan Zhan simply stay behind and then deal with the addition of him later.

Compare, if you will, the Xuanwu cave. Wei Wuxian absolutely expected everyone else to leave while he drew its attention, and Lan Zhan staying was not part of his original plan. Yes, later on they attacked the Xuanwu together, but that was different entirely. At first, he was just being bait to get everyone else to safety.

In the Burial Mounds? He's already worked Lan Zhan having his back into his plans.

It's still a sacrifice, but he's come a really long way about it.

So now that we've mitigated some of the sacrificial tendencies, modulated their effects on his choices, we come down to the "live for you instead of die for you" issue.

My positing that Wei Wuxian has reached this point by the end of the story has a lot more to do with having seen the patterns of his growth, watching the way he interacted with Jiang Cheng regarding the issue of the golden core transfer being revealed, watching the way he interacted with Jiang Cheng and Lan Zhan in general evolve, and watching him allow himself to have more and more attachments by the end of the story. And getting the overall vibe that living is now important, and there are things to live for in this world now that he's back in it.

However, if I had to narrow it down to one moment to exemplify this, I would point to the moment where he's caught around the neck by Jin Guangyao.

Wei Wuxian absolutely knows that if Lan Zhan sheathes Bichen, they're all fucked. Lan Zhan could easily take everyone here who would fight him, but not if he sheathes his sword and seals his spiritual power. And at this point it's increasingly likely that if they let themselves be captured they're simply not going to make it out alive. None of them. No matter what Jin Guangyao says.

Lan Zhan's best chance for survival and Jin Guangyao's best chance at being brought to justice/captured are one and the same in this moment--Lan Zhan keeping his sword, and either taking Jin Guangyao down himself or escaping to go fetch the assembled sect leaders and such at Lotus Pier.

Wei Wuxian knows this. It's why he begs Lan Zhan to be okay with his death and to do this Right Thing anyway.

Lan Zhan is not, and does not.

I don't think Wei Wuxian is surprised by this, to be fair.

But he could have ensured it would happen. He could have ensured that Jin Guangyao would go down. He could have ensured, more importantly, that Lan Zhan lived. He could have prevented Lan Zhan from sheathing Bichen to begin with.

He could have sacrificed himself.

It would have been incredibly easy at that point. All he had to do was fight back instead of hold still. Jin Guangyao was not bluffing, probably, though he just as surely knew if Wei Wuxian died then he was next, he counted on everyone wanting Wei Wuxian alive more than they wanted him dead. So if Wei Wuxian had tried to fight back or escape, he would have died.

Jin Guangyao would have been shocked, very very briefly. The resulting chaos would have seen everyone in custody who needed to be. Perfect.

And, you know, Lan Zhan would have been once more Wei-Ying-less.

Wei Wuxian very notably does not make this sacrifice. Even if it means they get captured. Even if it means they likely die together instead of only one of them dying. Even if that math is terrible on the surface of it.

He doesn't make Lan Zhan watch him die again. He doesn't presume that his loss means nothing. He doesn't presume that his life is not worth it, that his sacrifice is worth it.

Wei Wuxian actively chooses to live. He chooses to live for Lan Zhan. For the chance that they will both find a way out, and if they don't, then they are together in this and that matters more.

And he keeps making that choice. At no point in the confrontation with Jin Guangyao, for all those hours and hours and hours of back and forth and monologuing in that damned temple, does Wei Wuxian try to grandstand or throw himself sacrificially into the mix in any way. He is always working with everyone there to whatever extent possible, to the ends that everyone (including people he cedes the political superiority to) decides upon. He releases ownership of the situation, of needing to fix the situation, of needing to fix the situation by giving himself up.

I've been writing this so long I'm starting to lose the threads of my own thoughts, but yeah.

By the end, I think Wei Wuxian learns a lot and grows a lot and finally hits the point that Jiang Cheng hit years and years prior.

"I never thought I'd be worth the work it would take to piece myself together," but he was confronted with the idea of it again and again until it had to stick, and so he did. For Lan Zhan, for Lan Sizhui, for Jin Ling, for the other juniors.

I do think there will always be some element of self-sacrifice to Wei Wuxian's character that remain unchanged. He is a caretaker and a fixer at the heart of him. He is a big brother and I think maturity has only expanded that trait. He's also notably not a leader, and to some extent he does belong to himself both more and less than he ever could before his death.

But that doesn't have to be a bad thing. And it doesn't negate him embracing the idea of living for the ones he loves, getting better for the ones he loves, and letting them keep him in their lives.

I'd like to think that this piece of character growth is another significant thing in favour of Wei Wuxian and Jiang Cheng being able to forge not just a healthy relationship but a healthier relationship post-canon than they may have ever had before, or at least in a very long time.

[lucifer-is-a-bag-of-dicks]

Oh my gosh so I also headcannon Jack as autistic! But im not comfortable with writing it yet because idk how. Im not autistic; my little sister is and i know a few things jack could have trouble with... but hes a grown ass man so i just dont know. Im definitely taking notes on what you write him as but could you give me some pointers?....maybe?

Im mostly referencing to Bitter with this

aaaa yeah it definitely presents differently in adults who've learned to mask, personally I don't plan to put certain things in specifically to talk about how he's autistic, I write with the background knowledge of what traits he displays, and then express them when relevant, it's relevant a lot with Jack simply due to how much it affects his life

now this is going to get long, so bare with me, because this is a whole lot more complicated than you might expect

there's really no one correct way to write Jack, since there's no one way that autism presents itself, the way I write him is based on a mix of myself and some people in my family, so I can give you a basic idea of what angle I personally come from

for one, I change the way I write about facial expressions and how emotions come across to Jack, in Jazz's chapters I'll write about the exact emotion she can see on their face, with Jack's I'll go with an obvious base emotion, but then if the person is expressing something more complicated, I'll describe their face in physical details

eg;

Jazz POV - Danny was upset, but his face was tight with frustration

Jack POV - Danny looked sad, but his eyebrows were furrowed and his mouth was set in a hard line

it's a subtle difference but it's one I try to maintain throughout Bitter, Jack's POV is based on how I have trouble reading non-obvious expressions, although in my case I also have trouble looking people in the face when I talk to them, that's harder to write in an emotion driven POV story, so I made Jack better at that than I am

his interest in machines is quite obvious, since he's an inventor, and he looooves infodumping on people, he gets very excited about his passions very quickly and his mouth runs off with him, something I also have trouble with, it hasn't been a prominent trait for Jack in Bitter, because he's so out of his element he's mostly confused and in a way, almost grieving his own death, so he's been far quieter than he usually is

his special interest is obviously ghosts and machinery, and in Bitter I cover that he's got a degree in engineering, physics and mathematics. He's good at them, I like to look at it as though Jack rolled high in intelligence and low in wisdom, he's book smart, he knows things that are straightforward and have firm rules, he's less comfortable in topics that are more wishy washy and vague, biology is complicated and has too many variables, he finds it difficult to grasp, there's no one standard rule that applies to every body

I also struggle with vague and unclear directions, I need a solid structure and clear instructions, my strength is in sorting, organising, alphabetising and colour coding, I like things to Look Right, I stick to a particular routine with very specific things, and it's viscerally uncomfortable and even distressing for me to have that order disturbed, I nearly had a meltdown at work because someone had done a part of my job incorrectly, and I had to fix it, it made me genuinely upset on a personal level, it was MY system, NOBODY should be touching it, NOBODY should be moving things around, they do anyway, and I spend a portion of my shifts just frustrated and on edge because of it

Jack also has issues socially, he often says or does things that other people find uncomfortable or embarrassing, I reference that in Bitter, where Jack assumes everyone is mad at him because he said or did something stupid, this I have much experience in, while in the middle of a social situation it's easy to just do what comes naturally to you and not realise it's off putting to other people, because people often play polite and you can't tell that they're uncomfortable, even though people around you find it painfully obvious

sometimes it's easy to see in hindsight after you've been told you made something awkward or uncomfortable, but in the moment if nobody says anything about it, you can remain either totally oblivious, or become anxious and second guess every interaction you have

Jack is the oblivious type, he's fortunate to live in a family that is fairly understanding, they might get frustrated with him, or embarrassed by him, but they don't really take it personally, they KNOW he means well, they know he cares, and Jack does care, he cares a lot, he feels things a lot, he's incredibly empathetic

this is a trait that a lot of media likes to ignore in depictions of autism, because I guess it makes people with autism seem 'too normal', when tv shows always want to be like 'hey wow look at this clever asshole! isn't he clever, but also an asshole! but you can't hate him because he's ✨autistic✨ and he can't help it'

that bothers me a lot, I mean some people with autism do have trouble relating and empathising with people, my brother is one of them, but some people with autism really empathise a lot, some of us feel things very strongly, I'm highly empathetic and it's a real struggle to cope with

so yeah, it is a very complicated thing, so you need to go in with an idea of what their character struggles with, how it affects them, and when it's relevant in the story, also autism falls on a very wide spectrum, some people, like myself, are able to mask well, but that creates a big issue with identity, when you start to wonder how much of you is real and how much of you is mask, then you have to decide if you want to lower that mask and accept the social consequences of expressing yourself naturally

I have a friend who presents a little more obviously, he's very rigid in his ways and he talks like he's reading from a script, I have another friend who can socialise just fine, but will go into a total meltdown when a plan gets derailed and she doesn't know what to do next

another friend I have is highly social and incredibly boisterous, she stims with her whole body, dances around a lot, she's chaotic and that can be off-putting to people, she's had to spend a lot of her life holding that back, she's only recently started learning how to be herself shamelessly

my brother was incredibly social when he was younger, and people always really loved him, but most of that is mask, he's socially anxious and just wants to be alone most of the time, and he's a total prick to his immediate family, I don't take that personally any more, since now I understand that he's so blunt and brutally honest because he isn't masking with us, but also he still needs to be called out when he oversteps, autism might be why he has difficulty empathising, but it's not an excuse to be a complete asshole, even people with autism need to be called out on shitty behaviour, it isn't a get out of jail free card, our self expression shouldn't come at the cost of hurting other people, most of us are more than capable of learning to not be an asshole

I know this is like, A LOT, but these are the things that need to be considered when writing about autism, it is an all encompassing thing that permeates your entire life experience, I absolutely welcome people like you to try to write about it! Because I think it shouldn't be a taboo subject, and I appreciate that you asked for advice and that you want to do it respectfully, you've probably seen first hand how difficult living with autism can be, having a family member on the spectrum, so you already have some experience to draw from, I don't know your relationship with your sister or how old she is, or where on the spectrum she falls, but if possible you can ask her about her experiences in particular situations that you're having trouble writing, if that's something you and she are comfortable with

I hope this helps, just remember to keep an open mind and listen to any feedback you might get, it is very VERY easy to misrepresent autism so don't be too hard on yourself if you don't quite get it right, if someone gives you a critique, take it in stride and use it to become better ~ you can even express that in an authors note, that you want to write it accurately and invite anyone with experience to share their opinion, because like I said, it is different for everyone and my experiences are not universal, and you're welcome to run something by me every once in a while if you aren't sure about it ❤️

[candyopala]

Stuck in his ways, Chapter 6

Chapter summary:  Obito follows Kakashi’s advice and tries to find out more about Y/N. When things don’t go his way, he finds himself lost and on Y/N’s house in the middle of the night.

Words: 2.3k

AO3

Please like or reblog if you enjoy, check my rules for requests too!

It’s almost time for work and Obito hasn’t slept yet. Despite the weird act, Kakashi gave some actually useful advice to him. He said that he manages to get team seven to work harder by playing with their goals, using their objectives as something to incentivize them through a tough mission or a hard exercise. Especially with Naruto, who can get a little lazy sometimes, bringing up his objective to be Hokage as his father seems to always work like a charm.

The thing is: Obito knows virtually nothing about Y/N. Besides what he has on her personal file, he knows nothing about her personal life and objectives. He spent too much time acting like an asshole to the girl instead of trying to get to know her. He keeps on going through her files maniacally while his mind gets lost in thought.

Don’t get him wrong, Obito hasn’t put any effort to meet new people since his accident. In addition to his insecurities with his appearance, his social skills get worse by the day. Okay, Kakashi does make him go in blind dates from time to time, but those always end up in failure, since he refuses to actually give any girl a chance. He tends to get lost in his thoughts while they talk and he usually ends up straight up ignoring them, which would make anyone reasonably mad.

His face still hurts when he remembers about that time that Yamanaka lady slapped him right on the face after he yawned while she talked. Or that time Kakashi ended up going home with both girls and he had to help take Gai into the hospital, after the fool hurt himself in a bet with their friend. Not to mention that time Kakashi tried to hook him up with a lady fifty years his senior. He would have been actually okay with it if she had not called him “grandson” twice. Obito shivers at the thought. Truth is, Obito actually has not given a chance to himself since the accident and Rin’s passing. Obito shakes his head to make the thought go away once his mind mentions his former teammate’s name.

Give me a break for once brain, right?

He finally gives up on the files and goes to lay in his bed, only to be instantly scared by the alarm clock, letting him know he should be waking up. He goes through with his morning routine on autopilot, putting on the jonin vest and heading out to meet Y/N on the training field. For the first time in ages, he arrives on time. He was so into his head that he did not get distracted on the way. He needs to learn more about Y/N today, one way or the other, so that he can get this whole deal to end soon.

Y/N arrives shortly after, looking sleepy and grumpy.

“You’re on time; did you die and get replaced for someone responsible?”

“Ha, funny. Why the grumpy look?”

“I had a little trouble sleeping tonight”

Come on Obito, what’s the best way of trying to connect to someone and to learn about them? Right, through empathy, being relatable!

“Ugh, me too, totally. What’s on your mind?”

“Lunch and dinner. Come on, let’s start.”

“Ouch”

Fuck, alright, this is bound to be tough.

Obito starts today’s training with some blade technique. Y/N is admittedly really good with hers, but she could use some refinement if she is going to be a shinobi now. He corrects her stance first, also focusing on not letting her leave her defense open.

“Raise your arm like this” He shows to her the things he learned from his family during his childhood.

Their treatment of him at that time was… harsh. Being a direct descendant of Madara made everyone treat him like a potential fuckup, and his abilities before the accident corroborated that. They only opened up more to him and begun to treat him with respect after he became one of Konoha’s finest jonins and one of the few ones to awaken the mangekyo in the whole family. Remembering this makes Obito feel a little cramped on the inside, making him want to go back to his current objective with Y/N.

“Right”

“So… when did you learn to use your sword?”

“On the road”

“And?”

“And I think it’s cool”

“Nice… I guess…”

Fuck fuck fuck.

They both go on for the rest of the morning with Obito not being able to make any progress. His difficulty with social situations is making an already hard situation get even tougher. Y/N refuses to respond to any prodding, only talking back to crack jokes at his expense and to cut him off.

“Want to go get some barbecue for lunch?” He asks hoping for her to accept, as a last desperate attempt to approach her somehow.

“Can’t do Uchiha, I have a reunion with the Hokage, later”

She leaves him in the field alone, a sense of hopelessness eating him up by the second. Then comes the explosive frustration of not getting what he wants. He just needs to make this end quicker; he needs to go back to relevant missions to make his objectives come true. He cannot be left behind, he has to make his promise to her come true, he needs to change it all and he can only do that by becoming the next Hokage.

Tears prickle up at his eye, hurting his heart more than his pride. He gets angry at this completely ridiculous situation he put himself in, he had lost focus lately, he got lazy. He had lost the fire that once burned inside him, only leaving him a pile of sadness and old regrets.

It all explodes within him, driving him to start training in a maniacal way, trying to create something new with kamui and kunais at all costs. He has been trying to develop a new jutsu for a while, but he always ends up stumped. The thought of failure is the last straw, he starts to attack the training posts with all he has, not noticing the pain consuming his arms as the hundreds of knifes coming out of his other dimension go through them in a whirlpool of time and space.

It’s the middle of the night when his body achieves its limit, he spent the whole day training and rampaging on the field. Obito falls down on the dirt face first as exhaustion and blood loss finally hits him. Still filled with adrenaline, his last thought is to head to Y/N’s house to get that information, one way or the other.

 ~”~

 A rushed couple of knocks wake Y/N from her slumber. Confused, she looks around the small apartment in search of the noise’s origin. She hears them again, coming from her front door. She looks over to the clock on the kitchenette; it shows that it is around two in the morning. She knows virtually no one in the village still, who could it be?

She grabs her trusty sword at the entrance area and heads to the door, expecting it to be some scammer or maniac. Without turning the lights on, she opens it only to find a tall figure, with broad shoulders and that forlorn look on his face… Obito.

What is he even doing here?

Upon further inspection, she notices that his figure seems a little bit off, worn out even. She finally turns on the lights, only to be met with a grizzly sight: he is covered in dirt and his arms are all bloodied, his shoulders are slumped and his signature messy hair is even unrulier. This image brings her an awful distant memory.

“Want to go for that barbecue?”

“Obito, what happened?”

“Don’t worry about it; we can talk it out on the way” The man speaks in a catatonic way, fully running on his impulses and on the verge of exhaustion.

Those unwanted memories rush back into her mind: a bloodied hand touching her face delicately, a catatonic smile, foggy eyes, a goodbye that came too soon. Her head rushes with rage, rage at her own mind for reminding her of that, anger at him for leaving so soon, anger at Obito for doing whatever he did to do this to himself.

Before she can even think, she pushes the man into her house with force, guiding his almost limp body to her tight bathroom, sitting him on the rim of her bathtub. He does not respond, his eye is directed at nothing, he just lets out a small wave of breath when he sits down. She grabs her first aid kit from under the sink, kneeling down to face him as best as she can in the small space.

“What happened?”

“…”

“Obito!”

She snaps her fingers in front of his face, taking him out of his trance. He gets startled, as if he had just woken up from a nightmare.

“Sorry, I’ll be going, okay?”

He tried to get up again, only to be swatted by Y/N and forced to sit back down on the tub.

“We have to tend to your wounds; you look like you lost a lot of blood already. It’s okay if you don’t want to tell me what happened, but I’m not letting you go like this”

“I’ll just go to the hospital”

“The hospital is on the other side of the village, dumbass”

He flinches and tries weakly to tear his arm away from her grasp, once her hand touches an exposed bit of his bicep. Y/N does her best to rip away the ripped fabric that covers the wounds, trying not to pull the parts that are stuck together with the cuts. She rips his sleeves away, exposing a mass of cuts in all directions all over the length of his arm.

Y/N bites her lips at the sight, her brain working against her again. Tears threaten to well up on her eyes, so she tries to make go away as best as she can.

They stay silent as she cleans his wounds, still having to hold him in place from time to time. He manages to be stubborn even in times like this, incredible. Once she finishes up bandaging him up, she just sits by his side on the tub.

“Obito…”

“Thank you”

“Is there something going on?”

“A lot”

“… I get it”

They cross looks quickly, Y/N immediately cutting the contact away as soon as it happens.

“I promise I won’t ask anything else… just… did you do this intentionally?”

“No”

“Alright”

A couple of extra minutes passes, only the sound of their breaths filling in the room. Obito looks up again and faces Y/N’s direction. She looks back at him, completely lost in all that is happening. First, he seems to loathe her, treat her like a chore, and now he appears at her door in the middle of the night like this…

Obito opens a small smile in her direction, a genuine one. It’s the first time she sees wrinkles around his eye sockets. He still has that sad look deep down, but he seems to be trying to honestly lighten the mood and say that everything is okay. Y/N lets out a little bit of her tension go away, letting her shoulders relax a little bit more, but not completely.

“Did some granny stab you Obito?”

“Yup, they stole all my money and dignity also”

“Maybe I’m the one who’s babysitting someone huh? Seems like I’ll have to be around to look for you”

Cracking jokes is Y/N’s way of trying to lighten the mood, but it does not seem to work. Obito suddenly gets that really sad look back up on his eye again, looking back down. Y/N can just make out a single tear rolling out of his right eye.

Did I say something wrong?

“Obi-“

He interrupts her by starting to break down, crying loudly and closing his fists with force on his thighs. Y/N instinctively grabs his hand and forces it open, holding his hand with her own with some degree of strength, to try to calm him down. She feels the heavy texture of his palm on hers, a sign of closeness she missed a lot for the past couple of years, something she refused to admit she… longed for. She comforts him like this for the next couple of minutes until his cries diminish to some uneven breathing.

“Thank you, Y/N. I guess having you around… is… uhm… forget it”

Despite the weirdness of his words, she eventually convinces him to go to the hospital to get his wounds healed, letting his warm hand go and realizing she might have done something wrong. She accompanies him to the door, thoughts flooding her mind while they both must up the courage to say something.

You should not be getting this close; you know what happens when you do that. Why did you do that?

“Promise me you go straight to the hospital?”

“Sure…”

“Obito…”

“What, Y/N?

Despite all that, she feels the urge to give him a hug. She is conflicted, she feels that he needs it badly, but she also feels like getting this close is far too dangerous. She should not be opening up like this to someone she barely knows, to someone that might not even like her as person. There is something that drives her to him, something she does not understand. He seems hurt, he seems like he needs a friend, someone by his side.

No, shut up. I didn’t come here for this, I can’t live all that again.

All she can muster up is a weak goodbye before rushing back in.

What the hell even was all of this?

[demonslayedher]

do you still take asks? if so, could you explain tanjirou's hanafuda earings? i've seen some people online (like insta and other such places) claim that the design is one of a flower, but i always thought it was of a sun since it was supposed to be like a token for the sun god or something (disregarding possible [and hopefully unintentional] symbolisms coming from ww2)

whenever these people say these, they go back on to the earings being called hanafuda cards, and that hana means flower. i'm not that smart when it comes to japanese things or hanafuda cards specifically, so if you could, can you explain the hanafuda cards and the design on tanjirou's earings?

thank you and i hope you're having a lovely day (love your blog, btw, esp the art and japanese trivia posts)

Hahaha.... my attempted answer to this met so many technical difficulties, this is my third version, I think, hahahaaaaaa. TwT We shall indeed endeavor to keep this related to the original Sengoku period design of the earrings and their relation to Hanafuda cards, though indeed this is a Heisei/Reiwa period production and it's unavoidable that the similarity would be read in a post-WW2 context. It's not that I don't have things I could say on that, but I prefer not to go in that direction either (and people who choose to use the alternate design have my support). Short answer, though: nope, not a flower design!

The sun symbolism and its representation of Japan supersedes Muzan’s birth by at least a few centuries, and in its earliest uses with a simple circle to represent it, it wasn’t even always defined by the color red. The bright color red has been, however, long since symbolic of the sun, so it’s unsurprising that at some point the two symbols came together. No one knows who to credit for its design as a symbol to represent the emperor, but it seems this started in the Sengoku period, same time Yoriichi and his mother Akeno were around in the 15th, 16th centuries or so (but hard to say). The imperial use is due to the Shinto mythology that the emperor is descended from the sun goddess, Amaterasu. (I’ve have heard some KnY theorists posit that certain characters represent different gods in the Shinto pantheon and that Yoriichi represents Amaterasu (who indeed has historical male representations), but I don’t buy into those theories.)

While’s it’s not to say Amaterasu couldn’t be beseeched for healing a deaf child, she doesn’t strike me as the first goddess you’d go to for help with that, so I had originally suspected Akeno might have been more of a practicing Buddhist seeking the help of Dainichi-nyorai (the Buddha that represents the sun, if we put it very simply), or that she might had been a follower of the Nichiren sect, which embraced syncretism with Shintoism and used the “Nichi” (sun) symbolism pretty heavy-handedly (that sect tended to encourage a devout following of women, too). That’s as far as I find relevant to read into this side of things, though, for a look at Akeno’s altar shows us a round mirror often used in Shinto worship (some scholars suspect the round shape represents the sun, too, but it’s not at all limited to being a sacred item to represent sun-related deities). However, religion is and always has been complicated, and Akeno may have been a follower of any pure or blended strain of Shintoism and/or Buddhism.

Tl;dr: Akeno has a profound faith in some kind of sun deity.

After all, Yoriichi says this very plainly on this page in Chapter 186, “My mother was a person of very deep faith.” In addition to her daily prayers for peace, she made the earrings for Yoriichi praying that the “god of sunlight” may shine on and warm his unhearing ears. We have no further definition of this “god of sunlight,” so it could be Amaterasu, Dainichi-nyorai, any possible unnamed sunlight god she might have had faith in (Gotouge tends to borrow heavily from a lot of different religious traditions without narrowing them too far into any particular sect or strain). We may not be meant to read this in such detailed historical context as Amaterasu because it is left so ambiguous, but the art representing the sun is pretty ubiquitous throughout Japanese culture by that period.

And would you look at that, little Michikatsu and Yoriichi were playing a card game! Hmm, I wonder what? While I cannot claim anything one way or another about how Gotouge and her editors saw it or what they may think of it being seen that way abroad, the rays inevitably make it seem similar to the 16-ray naval flag, and the earlier color illustrations did have red lines. However, at some point the design settled into using 11 thin black lines only, with an emphasis in Gotouge’s character design notes (from the first fanbook) on the pooling thickness at the ends of the lines. This feels to me a bit like inky brushstrokes, and there is also design emphasis on the thick lines at the tops and bottoms of the earrings. These details, as well as the notes (cropped out of the image below) about the movement and weight of the earrings around Tanjiro’s face make them seem to have the thickness of light cardboard, which altogether makes them very similar to Hanafuda cards. Most specifically, doesn’t it look like this card featuring pampas grass and the moon?

While Hanafuda does literally mean “flower cards” and there are designs grouped around certain themes (even if the theme itself isn’t a flower, the design will typically incorporate a plant), I feel fairly confident saying the design of Yoriichi’s earrings is not a flower, and indeed the sun.

Primarily because these earrings aren’t Hanafuda cards! Hanafuda technically didn’t exist until after Yoriichi’s time, and was adapted from a Portuguese card game. Said game was initially illegalized at the same time Christianity was illegalized, but the Edo public loved their card games, and reinvented it every time some previous version was outlawed for its use in gambling. Even today, there are many, many different versions or reiterations of Hanafuda under the same or different names. I have never played though, and will not attempt to explain it. ^0^;; (I have cousins who grew up playing the Hawaiian version, though.) It was finally legalized in the Meiji period, and the first fanbook even lists this as one of Zenitsu’s favorite games.

By the Taisho period anyone would had been familiar with it, leading Muzan to describe Tanjiro to Yahaba and Susamaru as “the demon hunter who wears earrings that look like Hanafuda cards.”

While my research didn’t take me this far, I’m willing to bet card games with similar illustrations existed far prior to Hanafuda, and whether or not Akeno would had been influenced by them is anyone’s guess. But as she made them as religious items, that still makes them not game cards. I do assume she used high quality washi paper though, the finest she could afford as the wife of a high-ranking samurai. Good washi is strong enough to last for centuries, and even used to be used for making clothing because it’s so durable. But it’s also lightweight, she wouldn’t want to weigh Yoriichi’s little ears with precious metals or anything like that, I believe!

This all being said, I have most certainly noticed a trend of actual Hanafuda cards being used in accessories, everything from earrings to necklaces to charms to hang on facemasks to manicures. The only time I’ve seen this sun design has been in clear reference to Kimetsu no Yaiba, though!

This went in a lot of different directions, Anon, but I hope that clears things up about the sun and Hanafuda connections more than it clouds everything in unnecessary details. XD