#i always like to think they do have subtle but genuine displays of intimacy

[whoredmode]

did i ever post this. they’re holding hands

[goldenhickeysandramen]

What if we ask for receipts?

(This post is inspired by some recent posts from some moots on Tumblr)

We spend all day defending Jimin and JK's bond.

All day, all the time, always in the position of defendant, against anons here, trolls on twitter, and in general, hordes of annoying people.

Well then, let's see what happens if we are now the prosecutor, and not the defense lawyer  

Let's see where the hell your receipts are:

- Love expressions: how many times have your favorites declared that they love each other in different kinds of language?. And I'm not talking about the "I love you" that are given to friends for a specific situation (like Hobi leaving for the ms)... or weird hand signals, you know a lot about that and symbols... but big signs of love…

Like suddenly this:

Or this:

 Or this: 

- Intimacy displays: have your favorites given each other hickeys? (this is important...u know I love hickeys)

Have they flirted in front of thousands of people? (and watch out! because here the line between fan entertainment (I won't say the damm word, which I know you don't like) and genuine flirting is very subtle, but distinctive. This is flirting, for instance 😌

Do they've sucked each other's ear in front of thousands of people?

(Or do they have some kink for ears?)

Have they stuck their D's in front of thousands of people?

  (my God, do you realize what they won't do in front of thousands of people)?

- Show the evidence that your favorites live or have lived together (not in the dorms era back in 2018): let's see... let me think... how many times have they suspiciously shared a car, when we didn't know where they lived extra officially? 

Or do have they been at 4 am in the morning together alone, celebrating billboard or actually delivering hickeys? 

Or in the deed of the purchase of a house appears the address where the other lives (91).?

- Samples of tension or awkwardness beyond explanation: look, we have so many receipts here that I don't even know where to start... just look at Jimin's recent bomb and see JK's visit... and well, there it is... the awkwardness of some of their interactions... sometimes it makes you want not to look... sometimes it makes you feel embarrassed... I sometimes think they're going to screw up at any moment.

- Proof of inside jokes that show that they actually WATCH a lot of content together. Do you have any of your own?

- Demonstration of knowing certain personal information. Here I'm sorry, but again we have a lot of receipts. Tae had no idea that JK did a 3 hour vlive. Or Hobi also didn't know about Jimin's "time" (10:13). Instead, Jimin sees all of JK's vlives...and vice versa (as we’ve been able to check recently) and they know most of things they have done, or where they are at each moment (they even know what happened at bae's grandma's birthday)

And now...let’s see and talk about YOUR receipts:

made-up dinners out alone and selfies in bathrooms (not to mention other things you say happen in the bathrooms)

trips for which there is no concrete proof, or which are clearly BTS trips

any close-up, or photo, or mention on vlive....

each pic on Instagram

a look

breathing the same air

stepping on the same ground

And, so far the most robust, outings at their free time. We had in the past months vkook, jihope, hobikook, or vhope outings.

This is what most people are claiming lately. Maybe it is our fault, for having repeated so many times that Jimin and JK were the ones who most "hanged out" together..... now it seems that this mantra is turning against us.....

Well..... NOOOO.... I object your honour!

Because jikook have literally told us recently that they are both super homely. Which I understand. Not just because of their personalities or that they like it, but because outside, they can't be totally free lately. 

Because if JK is constantly being stalked in his country - just look at where he officially lives - and also, as we believe, jikook are a couple, they have a lot to protect and I think they know that the most intimacy and security they have is at home. 

On the other hand, they already know what happens when they are seen in a certain location: that restaurant ends up becoming a crowded place of jikookers or k-army. So, if they go out, they're going to be very careful and most likely they'll go to trusted places, where they don't post their signatures on IG. So, my friends,…WE WON'T KNOW about it! Unless they want to, or go somewhere more public and new.

And then again, Jimin has been busy with his album and hasn't been seen with anyone. NO ONE. The only exception, Hobi's birthday and the drink they had last Sunday or Monday (as a farewell). And we know this because they wanted to tell us... because if they hadn't, or posted any pictures, there would be no receipts from them either (of course! who of us could have been at Hobi's house on his birthday to know?).

But even with all this reasoning … the truth is that friends hang out and that does not mean they are dating. Hanging out doesn’t work with jikook either by itself. Other things must happen (see above 👆 ☺️)

So your receipts, imo, are either conspicuous by their absence or rather lacking in robustness.

Ours, on the other hand, are terrific! Stop asking for more! We've justified enough.

It must be pitiful to ship any “couple" whose ultimate proof of confirmation that they are together depends so much on another couple failing to provide certain evidence that confirms they actually are...the audacity!!! 

[cerises-amoureuses]

Firstly, what we need to realise is that Harry was incredibly attracted to Ginny throughout HBP, to the stage where seeing Ginny kiss another boy drove him up the wall. He spent a better part of the year wrestling with his emotions, which is something he didn’t go through with Cho Chang. Of course, this could be because Ginny, being Ron’s little sister, posed an interesting dilemma, but also because Harry’s feelings extended beyond a simple crush. The easiest way to deduct this is to go back to Harry’s infamous first kiss: he did not enjoy it, nor did he express any sort of desire to do it again. But in Ginny’s case, he had barely worked out his feelings for her when he started envisioning himself kissing her. Harry only ever thought Cho was nice-looking, but he experienced a very typical, boyish sort of lust and want when it came to Ginny.

“She began popping up in his dreams in ways that made his devoutly thankful Ron could not perform legilimency.” – Harry, HBP.

It does not take a genius to figure out exactly what he and Ginny were doing in Harry’s dreams. This inneuendo is remarkably suggestive; Harry had begun having sexual, inappropriate dreams about his best friend’s little sister that made him feel guilty and embarrassed. Moreover, note the instances when Ginny and Harry came in contact; they were often punctuated with Harry either feeling a “swooping sensation” or getting so tense that goosebumps erupted on the back of his neck. There is no evidence of Harry ever feeling jumpy by a girl’s slight touch before, which begs the question why it flustered him so physically in the first place. All evidences point to the thick sexual tension that Harry was feeling between himself and Ginny.

Simply put, Harry’s attraction to Ginny had permeated the boundaries of innocent crushes and gone straight to lustful thoughts and wild dreams.

“… He had received a lot more Bludger injuries during practice because he had not been keeping his eyes on the Snitch .. “ - Harry, HBP.

There is little room for argument for one trying to say that Harry was admiring Ginny in all innocence from a broomstick suspended in midair. This is another not-so subtle allusion to Harry’s burgeoning sexual attraction. Being a sixteen-year old boy, it is fairly plausible that Harry was being highly inappropriate, possibly undressing Ginny with his eyes, and he needed the force of a Bludger to snap him out of it. It is ridiculous to insinuate that Harry wasn’t looking a little intently than he ought to at Ginny; how else could he have ignored a Bludger speeding at him?

Quite apart from the fact that Harry described his impromptu mid-common room snog with Ginny in a remarkably heavenly fashion, he also explicitly went on to say that if they had time, they would talk about the Quidditch match. This does not specifically point to anything too scandalous, but it does make very clear that Harry intended on taking Ginny to a deserted area for more kissing. This seems a terribly bold step for two people who haven’t even started dating yet. It speaks a lot about their relationship that they started things off with a good, (presumably) lengthy snog, and jumped headlong into the opportunity to snog some more. It insinuates that the two were already very comfortable with each other, and already moving very fast in their relationship.

If that didn’t scream CLUE!!! enough, the next sure indicator was Harry’s feelings while they were dating. His narration was light, airy and genuinely happy – a dramatic change from the teenage angst that readers had been dealing with since GOF. It might be in my imagination, but I have always thought Harry in that period to be all kinds of insufferable, walking around with a goofy grin on his face and not paying much attention to anything – that lovestruck behaviour is largely hinted at in the books,after all. Hadn’t Professor Slughorn attributed Harry’s detoriating Potions grade to “lovesickness”? This obviously meant that Harry had been displaying visible symptoms of the same, which prompted that line of reasoning. What else could make the Boy-Who-Finally-Got-A-Girlfriend “happily impervious to gossip”?

On a particularly striking instance, Harry states that he was reliving a happy moment spent with Ginny in the grounds – if it was “happy” enough for Harry to dwell on it later, what could they have been doing, one wonders? (Cough, cough). Harry expressed explicit frustration that he could no longer spend time with Ginny, and there a very choice things that would, per say, “frustrate” a sixteen-year old boy.

Perhaps it isn’t overly obvious on skimming HBP, but if one analyses Harry’s narration, as I have, it becomes laughably clear that Harry and Ginny were almost definitely being adventurous. Ginny, for her part, is described as fiery and passionate – nothing in her character suggests restraint or holding back. A war, of which Harry was a main part, was going on in full-swing outside the cosy walls of the castle. It is additionally suggestive that JK Rowling also wrote in a specific conversation where it was revealed to Harry that people often elope during times of war. Ginny herself had commented playfully on it. If taking that step as such a young age wasn’t exactly responsible, the could hardly be blamed for it.

Another compelling argument is the fact that Harry, in particular, was, for want of a better word, especially well-equipped. For goodness’ sakes, the boy owned a legitimate Invisibilty Cloak, the Marauder’s Map and was an active user of the Room of Requirement. While Harry made use of these magical items for relatively noble and innocent purposes – in a non-Voldemort dangered world, what else would students want to make themselves invisible for? Ginny, in particular, doesn’t seem the type to ignore the dual potential of items like the map and Cloak.

Lastly, the dealbreaker was the stiflingly unbearable encounters between Harry and Ginny in DH. If there was slight sexual tension in the air between them in HBP, this was magnified about a hundred times in DH. Not many people choose to dwell on this, but I invite you think for a moment – imagine being boyfriend and girlfriend scarcely two months ago, and having a blissful, perfect relationship. Now, imagine being forced to live under the same roof – two teenagers – when they were so unwillingly forced to break up. They had barely spent a month dating, only to be brutally separated, and then made to live together again? Forget Crucio, there’s nothing more torturous than that.

Every time Harry made eye-contact her, he starts to recall moments spent with Ginny in secluded parts of the grounds, which is possibly the least subtle reference in the entire franchise. Again, he experiences acute, agonising frustration, to the point where he is actively trying not to brush against her while they eat dinner – it sounds almost as if he doesn’t trust himself. Another extremely suggestive moment is when Aunt Muriel makes a comment on the scandalous, revealing quality of Ginny’s bridesmaid dress, and the latter turns around and winks at Harry.

No explanation needed.

Need I dwell on Harry’s absolutely endearing jealousy while Ginny danced with other boys at the wedding? He, quite literally, leans against a pillar, folds his arms, (presumably with a glare on his face) and stares fixedly at Ginny.

One confusing instance, however, was Ginny’s – ahem – birthday present to Harry, in which he says, “And then she was kissing him like she had never kissed him before ...” This could somewhat serve as proof that they never progressed farther than snogging, but this greatly contradicts that aforementioned alusions to the same. It also seems a little naive to assume that they were exceedingly good little children while they disappeared for hours to secluded corners and fondly dwell on those instances to the point of distraction afterwards. No, it is my belief that it had been so long since Harry kissed her that he was automatically prone to over-exaggerating their sudden reprisal.

As I come to my conclusion, a few worthy mentions – Harry’s thoughts just before Voldemort struck him in the Forbidden Forest in DH: “And Harry thought inexplicably of Ginny, and her blazing look, and the feel of her lips on his –“ Alas, he never completed his train of thinking, but it does leave considerable food for thought.

Therefore, one can comfortably assume that in at least one area of his life, Harry acted like any normal boy his age. He had strong, passionate feelings for Ginny, and she unquestionably felt the same about him (“I never gave up on you. Not really. I always hoped …”), and those kind of things are recipes for teenage intimacy. However, anyone clinging to childhood beliefs can also safely predict that they waited. We may never know, but the evident has always been there, just as JK Rowling intended.

What are you thinking? 🤔

[farrawayfromthere]

Let’s Not Let A Year Pass By This Time

Pairing: Jordan Todd/Emily Prentiss

Word Count: 2k

Summary: After the family annihilator case that had been the last straw for Jordan at the BAU, they don’t see each other for a year.

A/N: for Day 4 of CM Fanfiction Week (Underrated character/pairing); tagging @simmonsmilf and @starry-eyed-spence (gif credit to @j3mily)

Jordan’s in line at a coffee shop in DC, eyeing a chocolate chip muffin in the display case with her name on it.

She fidgets with the zipper on her wallet then wonders with a small sigh if she’d be better off ordering an egg sandwich for the protein.

Today, her team’ll be flying up to a small city in New Hampshire who’s two post offices have both received bomb threats in the last couple days. She knows she’ll be interviewing postal workers all day; she’s gonna need the energy.

“Jordan? Agent Todd? Is that you?”

It’s a voice she hasn’t heard in what feels like a lifetime.

Jordan looks over her shoulder and finds herself face to face with a woman she hasn’t seen in over a year, just a couple customers behind her.

Emily’s face splits into that same huge, brilliant smile Jordan remembers.

“It is you! My god!”

She looks.... really good.

“Agent Prentiss,” Jordan says, eyes growing wide, mouth dropping open slightly.

Emily’s grown her bangs out, pushed them to the sides.

Her dark, dark brown hair falls smoothly, elegantly just past her shoulders.

She’s wearing a black pantsuit, well-tailored. A black, silky looking blouse underneath and black, thick heeled boots that make her feel even taller than Jordan remembers.

She looks, really, really good.

The guy behind her clears his throat and Jordan realizes the line has moved along.

She gestures for him and the lady behind him to go ahead, and reaches for Emily’s sleeve.

“It’s great to see you,” Emily says.

Jordan’s laugh is a disbelieving exhale.

The other woman extends a hand to shake and Jordan feels a strange, subtle swoop in her stomach when their palms press against one another’s.

Emily’s is still cool; Jordan’s, still warm.

Jordan wonders if Emily’s one of those people who always feels cold, just like she’s one of those people who always feels warm.

Suddenly, all the turtlenecks and sweaters she’d seen her wear around the BAU make a little more sense.

Emily’s hand squeezes hers back, and Jordan blinks up at her.

Emily’s eyes are bright, and even through their automatic, habitual coolness, suddenly, a little shy.

“Um, hi,” Jordan says, the words a little breathless.

“Long time no see,” Emily says.

“You’re telling me.”

Emily blinks and gives her a rueful little half-grin.

“I never called.”

“Well, I didn’t either,” Jordan says, keeping humor in her voice, “I meant to, in that first month, but—.”

“We just got so busy after you left. I didn’t realize how much time was passing, I’m so sorry,” Emily says.

They’d told each other they would stay in touch, but the days and weeks and months had just—slipped by.

By the time Jordan realized that an unacceptable amount of time had passed and she’d yet to make good on her promise to grab lunch or dinner with the older agent, the mere idea of picking up the phone and dialing her number made Jordan feel antsy with unease.

It would’ve been too weird; too awkward.

“It’s okay,” Jordan says, “Neither did I.”

Emily blows air out of her cheeks, expression full of relief.

“So we’re good?”

“Yeah, Prentiss. We’re good.”

She allows herself to take in Emily’s new hair for a moment.

She gestures lazily at it with her index finger.

“I gotta say. I like the no bangs look on you. Very elegant. Very mysterious FBI woman.”

Twin patches of pink appear high in her cheeks.

“Thanks.”

Jordan smiles.

“You still look like you could kill a man with one stomp of those boots though.”

A grin breaks through Emily’s blush.

“Oh, so they’re giving off the energy I’d hoped they would when I bought them?”

“If the energy you had in mind was ‘don’t mess with me’, then yeah, I’d say so.”

“Next,” the young man at the cashier calls.

Jordan winks at Emily, then steps forward to order her sandwich and coffee. She’s surprised when she finishes and the cashier looks over her shoulder to speak to Emily.

Quickly and efficiently, the taller woman orders herself a medium coffee and an old-fashioned donut from the display case. She pays for both of their orders without a moment’s hesitation, before Jordan can even open her mouth to protest.

“Thanks,” Emily tells the cashier, while Jordan, stomach swirling with a deep warmth that’s startling in its suddenness, places a couple bills in the tip jar.

They sit at a small table for two by the window.

When Jordan looks up from skim milk and raw sugar into her coffee, Emily’s eyes are already cautiously on her.

“So how have you been,” the taller woman asks.

“Uh, good,” Jordan says, then after a moment, ”I’m where I belong.”

“I’m glad,” Emily says, grinning as she mixed cream and a Splenda into her own coffee, “You didn’t seem to like working at the BAU very much.”

“I didn’t,” Jordan says honestly, “But some parts of the experience were better than others. Plus, JJ and I have been friends since our time at the Academy so....”

Emily pushes her hair behind her shoulders, revealing small silver disk shaped earrings that glimmer as she takes a sip of her coffee.

Jordan hesitates just a moment before saying it.

“I’ve gotta say: You look good, Emily.”

Emily’s eyes twinkle; a pleased smile spreads across her face, so genuine that Jordan realizes, for the first time, that Emily Prentiss has a perfect pair of tiny dimples.

Her eyes take in Jordan’s pristine navy blazer, her well styled ponytail. They linger briefly on her mouth, today a deep plum.

“Well, you look better.”

Jordan almost spits out her first sip of coffee; She’s acutely aware that her cheeks have just gone very hot.

Emily‘s smile is a bit too smug for Jordan’s liking. She rolls her eyes.

“I know I do.”

“Oh, really,” Emily exclaims with a grin.

Jordan looks down at her egg sandwich for a moment, appetite suddenly non-existent.

The fluttering in her stomach, the smell of Emily’s perfume is making it hard to think.

She smiles a small, tentative smile.

“How’s life?”

Emily takes a sip from her coffee.

“You know. Chasing down serial killers most days of the week, coming home, watching re-runs of The Sopranos, passing out. Rinse... and repeat.”

Jordan tilts her head.

“No special someone or someones’ to keep things interesting?”

Emily meets her eyes.

“Well I don’t know about special.... Distractions? Sure... but... uh... nobody I care very much about, and definitely nobody who cares very much about me. What about you?”

Jordan snorts.

“I don’t know about special,” she says, repeating Emily’s earlier words before half-smiling and shaking her head, “No. Nobody.”

“That’s good.”

Jordan raises a brow.

Emily winces at herself.

“I mean.... hey, that’s... it’s tough out here?”

Jordan laughs, the sound loud and genuine.

Emily hums, taking a sip of her coffee.

“How’s JJ,” Jordan asks, “The rest of the team?”

Emily sets her coffee down and smiles a soft smile.

“Good. She’s good. We all are,” Emily says, then after a pause, “She loves Will and Henry very much. I think they’re what keep her going now... but... I also think they make everything much harder than it used to be for her. She sees them in every case, and it scares her so much, even though she’ll never admit it.”

Jordan nods, understanding.

“I bet it helps though,” she muses, “To have someone to come home to. People to hold you at the end of those long-ass days you all have over at the BAU.”

Emily’s smile grows more faint.

“I wouldn’t know,” she says quietly.

“Well,” Jordan says, just as quiet, “Neither would I. But that’s what I imagine.”

“Yeah, well... it didn’t work out very well for Hotch,” Emily says.

Jordan fixes her gaze on her coffee.

She’d been overseas during Haley Hotchner’s funeral; she’d wondered how her murder had affected the team at the BAU, how it had affected Emily.

They all already had trust issues... she wondered just how much more they all feared intimacy now....

Emily seems to return to her senses, eyes darting up to meet Jordan’s and startling a little when she recognizes the compassion Jordan can’t help but feel for her.

Emily had been the best part of her time at the BAU.

And okay, maybe Jordan had developed a little, truly tiny, irrelevant crush on her in that time, and maybe.... maybe it had been a little devastating that they’d never gotten in touch again after she’d left the BAU—

Regardless, Jordan wants the woman sitting across from her to be happy.

She smiles faintly at her, then her eyes catch sight of the clock hanging over the cafe’s entrance and she starts.

“Shit,” she says, standing up, “I’m gonna be late.”

Emily looks up at her, for a second panicked, then she’s scrambling in her bag for something.

“Uh—please wait.”

She pulls out a pen and takes the cafe receipt Jordan’s crumbled up and forgotten on the table.

“We’ve gotta catch up properly, Agent Todd,” she says, scribbling her number on the back of it, “New number.”

Jordan tugs her phone from her purse.

“Just read it out to me, I’ll add you in right now,” she says.

Emily does.

Jordan smiles at it, then hesitates.

“Can I snap a quick photo of you for your contact? I‘m actively working with four women named Emily on three different continents.”

Emily’s eyes flash with a hint of something Jordan can’t decipher, then she nods.

“Sure—uh—how do I look? You’re gonna have to deal with this picture of me forever.”

“You know you look good,” Jordan says, holding up the phone, “But I’ll allow you one retake if you don’t like it.”

“Just one?”

“Just one.”

Emily straightens her back. She gives a small, close mouthed smile for the picture, dark eyes looking deeply into the camera.

“One... two... okay, got it.”

Jordan shows the picture to her and Emily grimaces.

“Ugh.”

Jordan scoffs.

“Oh, come on. You look like an English rose or whatever. It’s a good picture.”

“An English rose,” Emily repeats, laughing.

Jordan glances down at her still open camera and, lips quirking, snaps another photo.

This time, she catches Emily, eyebrows drawn up in amusement, grinning. She’s looking warmly out at Jordan over the lens of the camera rather than looking into it head on.

“Oh, I’m keeping this one.”

“What? Hey. Wait, let me see.”

Jordan shows her and Emily groans.

“No.... no, no, no.”

“Too bad it’s your one retake, huh?”

“But I didn’t even know you were taking it!”

“My phone, my rules,” Jordan says, putting her phone away and looking down at her with a grin, “I guess I’ll talk to ya later.”

Emily’s still grumbling under her breath.

Jordan lets a hand fall on her shoulder, giving it a gentle squeeze before making for the doors.

“Hey Jordan,” she hears behind her.

And Jordan remembers in that moment that she likes the sound of her first name in Emily’s mouth.

She looks over her shoulder.

“Let’s not let a year pass by this time, alright,” Emily calls.

Jordan laughs, “Let’s make it two!”

“Please don’t,” Emily calls back.

“Or three!”

On the train, she tugs out her phone again, smiling a little at Emily’s contact photo.

She dials her number and Emily picks up on the second ring.

“Well this is nice. You gave me your real number,” Jordan says.

Emily snorts.

“I see you have a very high opinion of me.”

Jordan hesitates.

“Well, I’ll be honest... I don’t know you very well. All I know....”

She takes a deep breath and lets it out in a gentle whoosh.

“All I know was that you were the only thing that made my time at the BAU bearable, Emily. You stood up for me when nobody else did. You cared enough to check up on me when I was having a bad day. Even when I just acted like a jerk in return. And I’ll never forget that.“

She stops to let the honesty of her words hang in the air, then:

“I honestly was a little bummed out that we never hung out outside of work like we said we would.”

Emily seems stunned into silence by Jordan’s honesty.

Jordan doesn’t care.

She’s happy she’s said it.

Happy Emily knows that she brought good into someone’s life, at least for a little while.

“I don’t know what to say,” Emily murmurs.

“You’re one of those people who can’t handle intense sincerity, huh,” Jordan jokes.

Silence again; she must be walking.

Jordan can hear the click of her thick heels even over the phone.

“Not on a daily basis, no,” Emily says at last, but there’s a happy edge to her voice, “Confession from me?”

“Go for it.”

“It bummed me out a little too, that we never got together like we’d planned. You were excellent company, Jordan Todd. And I... I guess I didn’t realize until now how much I’ve really missed you.”

Jordan finds herself smiling.

“Sap.”

Emily laughs and Jordan chuckles in response.

For a second there’s silence on the line, then:

“Let’s get lunch this week,” Emily says, “Someplace good.”

Jordan bites the inside of her lower lip, trying to fight her own smile, knowing it’s a fight she’s going to be having with herself all day.

She knows today will be the day she’ll be called out for asking about bomb threat details with a glimmer of a smile on her face.

She doesn’t care.

“How do you feel about sushi?”

“Name the place and I’m there.”

[attack-on-kiwi]

Hi! I really enjoy your writing and your characterization. Could I please request the rest of the fluff alphabet for post-timeskip Reiner? (whichever point is easiest for you to write from)

Check my master list for letters F, H, N, & R!

A ctivities - What do they like to do with their s/o? How do they spend their free time with them?

There isn’t much Reiner genuinely likes doing. He’s more than happy to just take part in whatever activities his s/o wants to do. At this point he doesn’t feel like he’s allowed to have an opinion or have any strong wants. This does bother his s/o, so they need to try and coax an answer from him.

They find out he enjoys going for walks. Reiner specifically likes going on long hikes where no other people are around. Sure, he enjoys walking around the marketplace, but there’s always a pressure that he’s going to be cut down at any given moment. Therefore, private hikes are more his scene. He’s able to relax and will be more willing to open up to his s/o during these hikes. 

If he had to pick another activity, it would be training together. He’d want to do something physical, such as sparring because it gives him an easy and familiar way to tease them in a more lighthearted manner, such as play wrestling. It’s one of the few times his s/o gets to see Reiner act his age and not put up walls. 

B eauty - What do they admire about their s/o? What do they think is beautiful about them?

Resilience. The fact that his s/o is able to push through being with someone like him and still see the good in this terrible world has him weak. He feels undeserving of someone so good, but he’s too attached to even consider letting them go. 

To Reiner, their laugh is the most reassuring and calming sound. No matter if their laugh is a gentle chime or a crashing wave, he can’t get enough of it. He swears to himself whenever he makes them laugh, he falls more deeply in love with them than he thought could be possible. 

C omfort - How would they help their s/o when they feel down/have a panic attack etc.?

Reiner wouldn’t really know where to start. His mind is racing with thoughts such as “Is there an attack?” and “Did they get hurt?”. He lacks tact when calming them down, gripping their shoulders and forcing them to look at him as he near demands them to spill what’s going on. When that doesn’t work, he tries to rethink his approach. He’ll breathe and calm himself before smoothing his palms over their arms and gently asking them what’s wrong. 

He’ll hug them tightly and wait as they relax. Whether they just cling to him until their breathing calms or they ride out their panic, he’s pressed his lips to the top of their head, mumbling “everything is fine” even if he doesn’t believe it himself.

D reams - How do they picture their future with their s/o?

Reiner, like other warriors, doesn’t entertain the idea of having a future. This man has already resigned himself to the idea that he will be dead within a few years, so what is the point of him imagining a future? 

If he could have his way, he’d want a family. At least one child. Though, he wonders if his child would need a friend since he has no siblings that could provide cousins. Maybe two children, then, so they don’t get lonely. He thinks about how he wants a small, comfortable home away from the bustling of the towns. The seaside sounds ideal. Sometimes he imagines what it would feel like to have those children tucked between him and his partner while he told them exaggerated stories of the animals that lived in the forests. 

E qual - Are they the dominant one in the relationship, or rather passive?

He’s physically dominant when it comes to most situation. He’ll put himself before his s/o and make sure they are always in his view. When it comes to intimacy, he teeters between being timid and overbearing. It’s difficult for him to find a balance between wanting to be careful and wanting to have his s/o to himself, and they often find him coming on too strong then becoming reclusive for a few moments after due to the fear of having possibly crosses a boundary. 

Reiner sees himself as a natural guardian, so it’s only to be expected that he takes on more traditionally protective roles.

G ratitude - How grateful are they in general? Are they aware of what their s/o is doing for them?

Reiner is extremely touched that his s/o would stay with a coward such as himself. He thanks them often and brings them gifts. Most of the time it’s food that would otherwise be difficult for them to get their hands on. 

He has a hard time getting out of his head but is able to see that his work and attitude does affect his s/o to a degree and tries to be as mindful as possible. Most times, this mindfulness is chalked up to a simple, “I don’t know what I’d do without you” which needs to be interpreted depending on the context of the situation and his emotional state.

I nspiration - Did their s/o change them somehow, or the other way around? Like trying out new things or helped them overcome personal problems?

His s/o grounds him, but they haven’t made huge steps in affecting his personality. He is lost and needs to figure out how to depend on others, and unfortunately, he’s unable to do so credibly at the moment. His s/o hopes Reiner will one day be able to share his burdens with them, even if just a little bit. Reiner definitely teaches them to be patient. 

On the other hand, Reiner is happy to help them overcome their fears. He’s always got a solution and steps to help them get to their goals.

J ealousy - Do they get jealous easily? How do they deal with it?

Yes. He’s insecure and is easily provoked by other people giving his s/o attention. If he sees them giving others intimate attention, he will become extremely suspicious and angry. Reiner tries to ignore it since he doesn’t want to cause a scene. Image is important to warriors, after all. He does cling to them more as he tries to calm himself, often holding their hands or hugging them close in private.

If he’s in a situation where he is allowed to make a move, he’s more than willing to use physical force to scare off anyone he sees as trying to get with his s/o.

K iss - Are they a good kisser? What was the first kiss like?

Reiner’s a good kisser when it comes down to it. His kisses are hot and nearly suffocating. He always has a strong hand behind his partner’s head and another firmly on their back pressing them into him as deep as he can. His skin is warm and being so close to him increases that heat. 

His first kiss with his partner was desperate. Whether it was during an episode back in Paradis or when he got back home, his s/o found him uncharacteristically quiet. Serious. 

Their voice surprised him, causing him to jump as they made their presence known. It was an unusual sight- to see Reiner hunched in on himself. When they got close enough to sit next to him and ask what was going on, he simply told them that he wanted to kiss them at least once since he didn’t know if he’d ever be able to again. After their initial shock, his soon to be s/o agreed, letting him take lead. Reiner licked his lips and placed one hand gently behind their neck while the other rested on their thigh. He leaned ver, finally inviting them to his lips and as the two sought one another’s touch, he found himself pinning them down and nearly unclothing them. Whether his s/o allowed it to continue or stopped is up for debate.

L ove Confession - How would they confess to their s/o?

Reiner would never consider confessing.

He would need to be near death or in an extremely stressful and dire situation to blurt it out. 

That, or during more recent manga events, Reiner would try to find a moment of peace where he and his s/o could speak in private. During a conversation where he finally explains his past, he would likely refuse to make eye contact and stare at their feet. His voice is shaking slightly as he steels himself for whatever the outcome may be. It’s his s/o who turns his cheek to look him in the eye, confessing they are in love with him. It’s overwhelming and as he’s embraced by them, he reciprocates it over and over in shaky whispers that are muffled by their neck. 

M arriage - Do they want to get married? How do they propose? What would the marriage be like?

He likes the idea of marriage. Being with someone who is completely his and building a life together that’s peaceful and without pressure would mean the world to him. 

Reiner’s proposal is private. It would be during camp before the climatic battle. One evening, he’d take his s/o to a private area and reminisce their experiences together. He’s unsure why he’s bringing it up until his s/o asks what he wants to do after they win. He’s taken aback, wanting to say there’s not much left for him once the world is saved. “Will you marry me, Reiner?”

Reiner’s heart stops at that moment. It’s not a proposal, more so it’s just gauging his desires. He can’t help but nod. If they survive, even if he has little time left, he wants to spend it with them.

O n Cloud Nine - What are they like when they are in love? Is it obvious for others? How do they express their feelings?

Reiner’s love is subtle. It’s not common for people in Marley to outright be romantic in public, so displays are limited. Though at some point when he was younger he would have taken great pride in being overly affectionate in front of others, he now takes solace in being a quiet and helpful lover. It’s difficult for him to really express his love verbally, so he takes action. He’s good with fixing appliances, running errands, and comforting them in private. To most others, it seems Reiner is distant with his s.o, but this is untrue.

He’s skilled in loving them. His holds are firm and comforting. His kisses are deep and true. His actions express his care more accurately than his words ever could. The way he puts himself before them is in itself his ultimate display of love. 

P DA - Are they upfront about their relationship? Do they brag with their s/o in front of others? Or are they rather shy to kiss etc. when others are watching?

Reiner prefers to keep his romantic involvement private due to fear for his s/o’s safety. Being Involved with him makes them a target which is something he’s unwilling to look past. This does not mean he is ashamed of them by any means. 

Q uirk - Some random ability they have that’s beneficial in a relationship.

His hugs are all consuming. Something about being in his embrace helps wash away all anxiety. It’s truly difficult for his s/o to be upset for long when they’re in his hold. This becomes especially useful during high stress events, and it helps Reiner calm down.  

S upport - Are they helping their s/o achieve their goals? Do they believe in them?

Reiner’s focus isn’t on helping his s/o achieve any goals. His fixation is his mission to save humanity, so he doesn’t actually think too much about if his s/o has any goals they wan to achieve.

If his s/o shares a desire with him, he’s happy to help them map out a plan of attack. There’s not much he can do in ways of helping them if it doesn’t pertain to training or military affairs since most of his time is dedicated to his work. 

T hrill - Do they need to try out new things to spice out your relationship? Or do they prefer a certain routine?

Reiner prefers having a routine above all else. With how erratic his life is, a sense of peace is important to him. He suffers from PTSD and anxiety among other issues, so knowing where his s/o is during a certain time or having a specific ritual at a certain time every day helps him ground himself. He wouldn’t want to deal with any destructive routines when he has free time. It’s extremely important for him to focus on his healing, so a routine is best.

U nderstanding - How good do they know their partner? Are they empathetic?

Reiner... does not know his s/o well. He knows what bothers them and knows about them from what they share. However, he doesn’t make an effort to learn more. He’s got too much on his plate, and the relationship is reliant on the physical intimacy to help each other blow off steam. He could stand to be more emotionally present. It’s something he’s aware of and feels like it’s too late to do anything about it. If he survives, he wants to build a stronger relationship where the two can equally rely on one another for the support that they need.

He’s empathetic to a degree. He listens to their problems and tries to offer the best support he can, but he’s not necessarily equipped to help someone deal with their own problems when he barely has a handle on his own shaky mental state.

V alue - How important is the relationship to them? What is it’s worth in comparison to other things in their life?

Reiner is ridiculously obsessed with keeping his relationship. He knows he’s not the best partner that he could be, but he wants to selfishly keep his s/o because they make him feel human. They make him feel worthy of being alive, and he’s too scared of letting that go for who would he be without a purpose? His mission does come first, but he’d be more than willing to throw himself in front of his s/o if it meant securing their escape. 

He’s a natural protector as mentioned before, and couple that with suicidal tendencies and you have someone that’s problematically self-sacrificial. It’s not a good mixture, but it goes to show how dependent he is on his s/o for a sense of stability and how far he’d go to make sure they were safe. 

W ild Card - A random Fluff Headcanon.

He likes lying face to face when the two are in bed. When Reiner is especially tired, his cheeks and nose flush  a dark pink. It’s always embarrassing when his s/o decides to tease him about it. Don’t you dare call him cute or coo at him because in his tired state he will have no methods of coping. He might even turn around to try and escape their compliments, but if they cling to his back and try to pull him back around, they’re somehow always successful. 

X OXO - Are they very affectionate? Do they love to kiss and cuddle?

Reiner doesn’t kiss often. He does like to hold his s/o’s hands. Clasping their fingers with his own and holding their hand sto his chest in moments of quiet vulnerability will be the most stripped down, vulnerable acts he will ever commit. 

He’s not opposed to his partner kissing him and holding him, he just doesn’t feel worthy of starting the act himself. Once they initiate, he’s more than eager to soak up as much touch as he can. He never wants to let go, meaning they can be in one another’s embrace for hours if they’re lucky.

Y earning - How will they cope when they’re missing their partner?

Reiner is good at compartmentalizing his feelings, so he will run on autopilot and just hope that his s/o is alive so he can see them soon.

Z eal - Are they willing to go to great lengths for the relationship? If so, what kind of?

As mentioned earlier, Reiner is more than willing to put his life on the line for his s/o. He would run into a head on attack if it meant giving his loved one a moment longer to breathe. 

[ohnobjyx]

I've seen so many sol0 fans or just people that have watched cql and cares for the cast, talking about how they feel that bjyx is something one sided and unrequited. some comments about how xz (in the later fan meetings) is kinda just patiently indulging yb but clearly was not v happy about it. Sometimes I do think xz is more reserved and seems to try to "tame" yb to be more discreet about their, whatever it is, thing but i don't particularly think he is cold? What do you think?

I know it may sound odd but is there some analysis about Xiao feelings towards Yibo? I mean this guy is head over heels for him, no doubt about that but I don’t really feel the same from Xiao? I mean I could be wrong since I’m new there and didn’t read a lot of analysis so if you have some can you link them please? Thank you! And I don’t ask this in a « wrong » way like I genuinely feel like there’s something but I don’t see the same feelings towards each other. Again, I could be wrong! 

Hi, anons. These asks has been sitting for the longest time in my inbox, so I decided to tackle them today (still writing two days later, I’ve desisted on creating a more organized post and I’m just dumping my thoughts here this time).

(It’s also that I’m frustrated about this, because these are two of the most polite ones, but I’ve also received others less well worded ones, that basically imply that there’s nothing from gg).

For the anon asking for some analysis, I’ll leave a link here to a post that basically sums up my own thoughts.

Disclaimer: as always, don’t take bjyx seriously. Pure speculation here.

Long post.

Before I start, I want to say that I shouldn’t be the one to convince you to anything. It’s never my intention to impart the “universal truth” or to be patronising. If any of you really feels that there’s nothing from gg, no matter what I say, you won’t be convinced by my post alone. And it’s alright to agree to disagree. Just keep it in mind.

I feel that what anons describe it’s something that often happens to new bxg. Dd’s so obvious, so painfully obvious that in comparison, gg is much more “discreet” (well, we had to learn to read Lan Wangji’s expressions, didn’t we? The same happens with gg’s gestures). I don’t agree with the idea of dismissing someone’s love just because they aren’t as obvious and as telling as their partner at first glance (gg’s songs and drawings aren’t as straightforward, but they are there for those who care to listen and see).

From my pov, I think it’s very very probable that they are together. So, that works both ways for me. I don’t think dd’s love unrequited. They take care of each other in ways that speak of a high level of trust, intimacy and chemistry (yes, I initially wrote that post for these asks). I’ve talked about subtle ways to display your love, because when you love someone it’s difficult to hide it, and gg has a hard time trying to hide for the cameras.

(I’m still thinking of Happy Camp, when dd hurt his neck with the necklace... gg’s reaction wasn’t controlled in the slightest, and the combination of worry and anger would be a interesting combo if gg indeed wasn’t anything to dd or if he hadn’t gifted him the necklace).

Gg often has a hard time controlling his reactions when dd is involved. He’s much more natural, a lot closer to how he really is instead of his very polite and soft public persona. He get a glimpse of him in the bts (I suppose they never expected CQL to be so popular, and didn’t thought that the bts would be so watched a year afterwards), and comparing how he is in the bts with dd to how he usually is in other interviews and events with other people is a very interesting exercise.

It’s true that gg in the interviews seemed to try to hold back dd, to the point that they both lied sometimes in the interviews... the effect they caused was contrary to what they wanted. Definitely. Because they tended to forget what they had lied about, and the “plot” had holes everywhere. Like gg reacting surprised to the possibility of dd starting a fashion brand. Twice. In the same day. Or the eggplant/carrots thing. Or the “I didn’t know you slept with the lights on, but I’m aware of your sleeping pattern” thing. Please note that these three plot holes were caused by gg (in the second case, I’m refering to carrots ofc).

About what the first anon says of “how xz (in the later fan meetings) is kinda just patiently indulging yb but clearly was not v happy about it”. It’s one thing that by then they’d have noticed that their cp had attracted a whole lot more attention that they had ever expected it to and a whole another thing to “indulge” someone (as if only dd wanted it and gg had nothing to say about it) and “not be very happy about it”. Gg might have tried, but even he couldn’t completely erase all of the little moments directed at dd (and you have to take into account that gg was actually sick in the last fan meeting in Nanjing, that’s bound to affect his mood too).

(There’s no one else when they look at each other. No wonder Wen Ning achieved such a third wheel look when they were filming the boat scene, I suppose it’s taken from real life).

How gg looks at dd and only smirks when dd looks up... well, gg still makes his best effort at being discreet...

And dd in this moment... well, what can one do when a man like gg looks at you like that? (dd.exe has stopped working. Please restart).

Source of the gifs: 仙娱

Last but not least, I’d like to talk a little about W/ibo Night, the main source of many people’s doubts. I’ve seen many analysis, from “poor puppy dd following gg around” (that’s... bs) to some better analysis that deserve to be taken into account.

W/ibo Night is an event organized by a state controlled social media platform. It’s one of the most observed events of the years, with potential future employers and coworkers, apart from the government, so it’s not just them, but everyone is very serious and controlled in their actions.

They obviously had agreed beforehand on how to behave in this one. While dd is very serious, he doesn’t seem angry or sad that gg isn’t looking his way. However, they both can’t help but look in each other’s direction (gg’s more discreet, but pay attention and you’ll see him side glancing at dd at least three times on stage) and the way dd turns just so he can have a look at gg is... 🤦

They tried so hard that it ended up getting the effect they wanted to avoid: when everybody else was greeting each other (friendly hadshakes, patting their backs, etc.) these two just stood there, a little awkwardly. It became obvious to most people that they were acting as if they were strangers.

I think (speculation here) that while they had agreed to act as if they didn’t know each other, gg was... off that night. His eyes were very bright (as if teary, so not in a good way) and his smiles were tense, so I’d say in a bad mood or maybe he was feeling under the weather. I think dd was worried, so that’s why he kept glancing at him (I’ve read about the rumours of why gg was like that, but I tend to dismiss them if there’s no proof).

For someone as polite as gg, to walk so obviously in front of dd when they were getting on stage (c-culture here: the one who walks in front has more seniority/authority, so gg always lets the other people walk in front of him as a sign of politeness and respect), speaks of a familiarity that exceeds that of coworkers. Dd’s actions need no more words: waiting for gg and letting him walk in front comes naturally to him.

Choosing fans (though at first, dd just looks at gg choose his). I don’t know if you remember, but gg chose “I can do it” and dd chose “I have it difficult” (as a way of saying “I can’t”). I think it was entirely a coincidence, because dd was looking at his gg choosing his fan, the one he had wanted at first was taken by another person, so he chose this one as “I couldn’t take the fan I wanted” and “it’s difficult for me to choose”.

However, look at the happy and surprised smile from gg when he notices that his fan and dd’s make a pair (similar to “yes” and “no”, gg had filmed an ad for the event in which he linked this two exact phrases as opposites). A sad spoiler: this is the only time he truly, spontaneously smiles at the event (and notice how dd’s face inmediately mirrors gg’s and how he tries to rein it in a second later). 

I couldn’t find a video, but just before leaving the stage, dd looks at gg again and shakes his fan. Without a single word, gg understands that dd is asking from where to leave the stage, and makes the slightest movement with his fan to point the way. I assure you, this level of 默契 (mo qi) is difficult to find even in established long time relationships.

Once they are seated, gg leaves for a second and tells dd “I’m leaving” and dd answers “okay”. There’d be no need for this interaction unless they’re still friends/couple.

This one broke my heart a little: dd had been sitting on a plastic bottle the whole time. Usually gg clears his seat when dd comes (Nanjing fan meeting, Tencent awards night), probably because he has noticed that dd doesn’t care that he’s sitting on things. Dd left earlier the event because of his schedule, and once gg came back from getting his w/ibo king award, he sits on dd’s seat. And notices the water bottle under him. Even his poker face can’t hide the sad fondness “aiyo this boy...”

Some say he sat in the seat next to dd’s, but there’s a video I can’t seem to find (the despair is real) of gg sitting on the water bottle, so it’s indeed dd’s seat.

Also, you may try to think this from your own perspective: when and why would you sit in another person’s seat in an event as important as this one? If I try to answer this from my pov, I’d say that first I’d need to know that that person wouldn’t mind me sitting there and/or knowing that this person isn’t going to come back to the event. In both cases, it requires communication and trust between these two people. Gg had to know that dd was leaving first (and why would dd tell gg if not because they chat about their work schedules?) and that dd wouldn’t mind once the fancams made it to social media. This is what I think, at least.

Okay, so here ends my post. I just exposed some of my thoughts on why I think yizhan is NOT one sided or unrequited. But of course, you’re allowed to disagree with me, anons, since we are all in the speculation ground here. Nonetheless, note that this is a yizhan/bjyx blog, which implies (at least for me) that there are feelings from both sides, so I may not interact further with one-sided yizhan/bjyx asks.

(BTW, I found a very complete post of moments where yizhan isn’t one sided here, so I decided not to elaborate on those moments in this post).

[ask-the-clergy-bc]

If you haven't done one like this before, how do the Papa's display affection towards their s/o?

I haven’t! This is actually a really interesting look at them individually, they all have a similar yet vastly different love language! 

Papa Nihil: Even though he can be a terrifying and all powerful grand Papa of the clergy, Nihil with affection to you is like a big ol puppy dog. You’ve seen how he is with Sister Imperator. Nihil isn’t shy to show how much he adores you. Nihil likes to give a lot of compliments and verbal affirmations. He thinks you are splendid in everything you do! He also likes to help you in anyway he can or just be by your side. He’s the type that if you are carrying something, he will want to carry it for you! Or that if you don’t feel well he’s right next to you to make you feel better. Nihil will even be publically affectionate with you. He’s very much a man of linking arms when you walk or holding your back when standing together. Nihil will melt if he gets any cheek kisses from you, though. 

Papa I: Papa might not be the most lovey dovey, but his affection shows through many different ways. That’s just how he is, more practical and action based. The way Papa shows affection is by small things that some might miss. Making sure you eat, asking if you took your meds that day (if you take them), bringing you water because you looked dehydrated. Leaving out books he think you’d enjoy, showing you interesting bits of text he’s reading, or even just checking in on you every day to make sure you are well. Papa is a very minimal and content man. For physical affection he simply likes sitting with you or being in the same seat. Sometimes he’s even happy to just hold your hands, or press one to his chest when you sleep. He likes to do small things just to make you happy or because he thought of you. He will also smile towards you more often or keep eye contact more intensely to show he is paying attention. Papa just likes to make sure you are well, and remembers every little detail of you. Likes to make you feel noticed and heard. 

Papa II: Papa’s affection is VERY subtle in public, because he is an insanely private man when it comes to true intimacy. The most he usually does is stand by you, guide you by the arm or rest a hand on your shoulder. This is because he wants any true affection to be private to the both of you. Unless he’s trying to make a point in showing you off, he wants to keep his love language to himself. In private, he can be an attentive and intimate partner. Not just sex, but physical touch can be very important to him. This can range from anything from having you sit in his lap, to having his hand on your knee, to even prolonged skin contact in bed. Papa isn’t one to do a whole lot of cutesy words, but he can be very passionate and romantic with you. He usually settles for a single pet name for you, that’s unique only to you- and one he uses for the right times when you are alone together. His romantic talk is actually very smooth and able to sweep you off your feet. Papa is the type to believe you are never done dating or courting a true significant other. His love language is to always make you feel wanted and as if he’s always vying for your attention. His other way to display affection is just to simple open up to you- something he does with VERY few people. Papa will ebcome more open with his life and personal experiences the longer you are together. 

Papa III: Papa is a complex man when it comes to true love, believe it or not. Mainly because it’s not very often he has a serious partner! He has two modes, in public and in private. Papa is no stranger to public displays of affection. Out in the open he has zero problems having his hands and eyes all over you. Papa will hold your hand, have his arm around you, and kiss you where everyone can see! If he’s feeling especially cheeky he might pinch or smack your butt. He’s always very playful and handsy, so he loves getting to hold and kiss you every chance he gets! It’s even WORSE in private! Papa can be practically attached to your hip. A favorite of his is to, somehow, always be laying or cuddled against you like a giant cat. It’s very comforting for him to always have physical contact like this. He’s also the smooth talker and flirty one, and will flirt with you in and out of your private life. Though when you are alone, his words can get a bit more serious. Papa will talk to you more like himself than just the glorious, sex fueled Adonis he portrays to everyone (even though he’s more than happy to constantly please you in bed every day and night). He’ll be more intimate, gentle, tender, and open about his true feelings. It won’t just be those romantic, silver tongued words to make you blush- it will be all the ways you truly make him happy and make each other feel wanted and loved. A genuine sense of intimacy almost makes him seem soft and flustered, so when you see it for yourself it means he loves and trusts you like no  other. 

Cardinal Copia: Like Papa II, a lot of his affection comes in private. This is mostly because he has to keep appearances for the public because of his position. So while he will do things like link arms, talk sweetly to you, or other small signs of love- he keeps a lot of it private. Unfortunately, a lot of his life and behavior is constantly being scrutinized by the higher clergy, Sister Imperator, and Papa Nihil. So he has to be on his best behavior with you. But, in private, he’s an entirely different man! Sometimes, Copia can still be shy and awkward like you have both only just started dating. But he’s a very sweet man when you two are alone. He loves to do mushy things like serenade you, or kiss your hand and even dance with you. Copia is a sucker for being held and spooning, any sort of cuddling really!  Copia also loves pet names, and will always get flustered when you use one back on him! Any mutual verbal positive words of adoration is his style. He also loves old school romantic gestures whenever he can! Copia is the type to bring you flowers, kiss the back of your hand, or insist you go to dinner. Not always smooth, and still a huge awkward dork, but he has his moments where he can give even Papa III a run for his money! 

[textalotter]

What are your thoughts on Scorpio Mars and Virgo Venus?

Hyper-critical of potential partners, the native enters a partnership that revolves around servitude and practicality, superbly sexual and pursues intimacy via sex with partners, has the potential to switch multiple sexual partners often, but the Virgo Venus calms this down.

What does a Scorpio Mars imply when a guy is trying to show interest and how does that come into play?

They’re the subtle hinters, they’ll make a lot of kind of romantic/sexual suggestions but if you ask they’ll deny. They won’t say anything they’re not ready to say and has a very intense energy to them.

What would Virgo Venus sextile Scorpio Mars entail?

A person that knows what they want from their partner, feels safe in their skin and with what they want, closed off and loyal to the people they love, could move others to come back to their own values and to be healthily selective, when truly emotional investigated gives their all and goes out of their way for their partner.

Can you tell me the compability between Aries Mars (f) and Scorpio Mars (m)?

So this is most likely chaos. I say this with love and in all seriousness... be very careful. Both of these signs are guided by mars meaning they are at home here or very set in their ways. These two lovers fall for each other very differently and need to have good communication to make this work! Aries is quick to jump into this whole relationship while Scorpio will move slower, yet the roles will reverse as this relationship becomes more intense. Scorpio will never fully open themselves up under mars but if other placements align they may. Scorpio also loves intensely when they do finally commit and this can be frightening for Aries when it comes to committing. Aries is quick to run from a relationship if Scorpio’s feelings become too intense. Aries must evaluate carefully if this relationship is something that they see for the long haul before making a choice. Because this is so intense and both signs are fighters in such different ways, they can deeply scar each other through acts of revenge and scorn. Aries can have a temper that is sudden and explosive while Scorpio will seek to emotionally hurt their partner. Likewise Scorpio will take time to warm up to Aries. They may move much slower than Aries is used to. But if Aries is patient and decides to be invested, they may find that the Scorpio man may provide nurturing and love they desire deeply while still being independent. Although Scorpio can be manipulative of Aries feelings here while letting them be independent in some ways. They tend to want to be in control of their relationships and how they are viewed and Aries is susceptible to ideas Scorpio can warp and transpires. If Aries lets this happen they may feel trapped by their partner. Scorpio may also tire of Aries impulsiveness and passive attitude. When Scorpio begins to feel trapped or hurt they will lash out negatively. 

Sexually this pairing is perfect for each other! As both reside in mars they are equally “freaky” for each other and find similar aspirations sexually. This may be the initial connection between the pair because both respond well to good sex and find a connection in it. This is also a form of communication between the two. Sex speaks for how they truly feel for each other and says more than words here. 

This connection is powerful but can fall apart quick. You must be careful with each other’s feelings and really think individually before making rash decisions that could hurt each other or yourselves. Be very conscious of each other and never selfish or the relationship will spiral. Compatibility is 2/10 - Under mars the initial spark is very strong but outside of sex, they will clash over what they want vs what they need within a relationship.

What’s your opinion on Virgo Venus + Scorpio Mars in a relationship?

Virgo Venus men are constantly seeking perfection in a mate so at times it may be hard for them to choose/they can be picky. They prefer the quintessential ‘good girl’ type or at least someone who displays modesty, an organized/professional demeanor. Scorpio mars means extreme intensity. So on top of all the kissing, he may even enjoy a bit of BDSM/being tied up/choking etc. Scorpios like that stuff. Men with Scorpio mars’ will be the type to also hold your hand while doing these kinds of things to you. Very very very strong libido [ruled by Mars]. Their energy is also extremely attractive– very easy for them to seduce others even without trying so be careful with romantic rivals. There will be romantic rivals.

Positive and negative qualities of Mars in Scorpio?

✎ POSITIVES:

amazingly competitive

exploding with passion

very patient, slow to anger

very strong-willed, strong-minded

they’re one of the best signs in bed

hardworking and bc they know how to use their power well, they have a lot of potential to do very well in their careers (ceo status truly)

✎ NEGATIVES:

p e t t y

stubborn

jealous, overbearing, possessive

holds grudges way too long.. way too long

remembers other’s weaknesses just to use them against them in arguments and disputes 

passive aggressive asf

I don't quite understand how Mars in Scorpio acts when they are pissed by something, how do they act in situations? I always read that in comparison whtn Aries they don't put theyr anger out on someone immediately, but they still are capable of intense anger and emotions?

Of course Aries and Scorpio are quite different, even though Scorpio was co-ruled by Mars, Scorpio is the different side of the coin. Aries is a more naive energy in a sense of more reckless and impulsive, just out there, while Scoprios are more contained, strategic, never reckless. Scorpios are assertive, dominant in very clever, cunning ways if you may say, they are obviously scary and intense when mad, very intense energy, just their vibe, their energy makes you feel a certain way, while with Aries hell breaks loose. Their energies and the way they go about things with a Mars placement is very different, also depending on the house Mars is in as well, that plays a big part. Scorpio Mars are also very tough and extreme and quite blunt.

Mars: Scorpio

- Emotions are highly concentrated

- Vengeful if upset; worst enemy you can make

- High energy placement

- Secretive

- Horny 24/7

- Self-disciplined and self sufficient

- Nothing can stop them once goals are set

- Highly obsessive

- Apt to be jealous and possessive 

- Powerful emotions make for a powerful will

- Don’t fear much of anything unless it involves losing what belongs to them

This is my opinion but I think Scorpio Mars anger is some of the scariest out there. It depends on your definition of scary or intimidating really but having been in close proximity to Scorpio Mars people...it's certainly something to witness. 

They can be the sweetest most considerate person but when they get angry (properly angry not irritated) they can rage. I've had a Scorpio Mars confide in me during those times and go over these elaborate, terrifying ideas for getting revenge on someone that actually shocked me, because I would never expect it from them. I had to laugh (we both did), because it was a little ridiculous and also because I knew they would never actually do those things.

But seeing just how quickly they went for the long con and how they knew exactly where to hit people where they were vulnerable was extremely telling. 

Scorpio Mars men I've actually seen have raging fits of anger that are destructive, but they were also very fiery, so that's probably why. 

Anger aside, they're determined people. Even when Mars in the chart is retrograde sometimes they put so much passion into what matters to them, and are usually hypersexual. If not that then they do still seek out and crave intimacy with others. Casual sex is okay when they're in a certain mindset but really they're better suited with partners they can trust. They reveal a lot of their inner desires/feelings when it comes to sex that they otherwise tend to keep private and really they would like to be able to share these parts of themselves with the right person. 

I do love Scorpio Mars energy but I understand that it's not for everyone in reality. They can be very obsessive/possessive of their partners, but not in any genuinely dangerous way (most of the time). The more demanding types who are obsessed with feeling empowered are usually the ones to watch out for. 

When they have other things in their chart to balance themselves out I think is when this placement works best, but even then they'll have some lessons to learn when it comes to sex and applying their energy in useful ways rather than dissipating it.

The Venus Signs when they like someone

Gemini Venus: They’ll talk a lot about the things they like and want to know what their crush like and do. They can ask a lot of questions and be very open to answering any question that their crush may have for them 

Virgo Venus: They’re very careful people, the kind you’re probably not sure if they like you even when they say it..until they show that they’ve listened to what you’ve had to say and what you like 

🐏 ARIES MARS

Mars is at its strongest in Aries, its natural sign. This placement represents high energy, initiative, courage and impulsiveness. Most of the energies seem to come out as the physical and emotional type, but in Aries, Mars is very active and assertive in demonstrating enthusiasm for all four types of energy. This is a very powerful position for Mars. 

You have an unrestricted drive to get projects done, to start new projects, and to act decisively. Your enthusiasm is contagious. An individualist with quite an ego, you always want to do things your way. Based on the influence of this planet taken by itself, you are not good at compromise or teamwork. There is a major part of you that always wants to charge out ahead of the pack and be the leader. Despite your apparent leadership abilities, you may function best when you are working alone and independently because of your demand to have your own way. If you are in a group, you will aspire to be the leader. Headstrong and independent, you won't tolerate opposition or interference and your temper can get you into trouble at times. Mars in Aries makes you very competitive in a variety of ways. This is perhaps the most courageous and enterprising Mars position.

You have a very strong sex drive which is spontaneous and easily aroused. Self-control can be a problems in this regard. As on the physical side, you are often unrestrained and very demanding emotionally.

The negative side of Mars in Aries is a lack of patience and discipline. Self-control and humility can be hard lessons, and often they are never mastered.

Like a warrior ready for battle. Aries Mars is a placement with an abundance of energy. Sometimes when these people can’t use the energy productively, it can channel into anger, frustration, and impatience. Aries Mars needs something physical to release their energy. Aries Mars is fierce and knows what they want and how to get it. They’re always looking for the next thrill/adventure. A great person to travel with.

🦂 SCORPIO MARS 

In Scorpio, Mars displays powerful emotions and desires. Mental, physical, and practical energies are are, likewise, also very high. Indeed, the level of energy with this placement is high in all respects. 

You are strong, self-reliant, extremely efficient, and highly self-disciplined. An intensity of purpose surrounds all that you undertake. This position illustrates the "do or die" principle very well. You may have an innate ability to transform other people in some significant way. You think of yourself as a "take control" person and a force to be reckoned with. You probably are.

Intensely passionate and sensual, you put much of your energy into sex. You are apt to be especially attractive to the opposite sex, whether or not you physically attractive. You may be fascinated with sexuality in all its expressions, certainly your interest is always keen. You're jealous and possessive of your sexual partners. Being trustworthy yourself, you expect the same from others. You're a loyal friend, or a bitter enemy, you never forget a betrayal.

Slow to anger, you rarely loose control, but when your ire is raised, you get even, and you can do so with frightening detachment. Proud, dignified, strong-willed, and stubborn, you have the sort of presence that is always felt by others even when you say nothing.

I love this placement :’) everyone thinks scorpio mars is big and scary, which can be true if you cross them, but they are so loyal if you just listen to them and be compassionate. They are actually pretty gentle like a cancer mars, but they have a front because they can’t take anymore hurt. If developed, this mars placement is incredibly psyhic an intuitive. Great partners in bed.

The differences between Mars in Aries and Mars In Scorpio

Scorpio is more observant and aware and will exploit your weaknesses. They're more controlled. Aries, literally doesn't give an eff and will attack you and try to dominate you if you make them mad. Scorpio does slow burns but can exploit aries's impulsiveness and manipulate them into messing up. Scorpio might feel attacked by Aries's directness. Aries might feel small when scorpio shows them their mistakes.

The signs and crushes 💕

Gemini: charms crush into falling for them , Gemini’s are great at talking and are total masters at the mind so it’s like they study their crush, will stare at them like a work of art , asks them aLOT of questions, makes them laugh

Virgo: observation galore, notices little things about the crush, to how they like to wear their hair to their favorite color, very sweet , loves to help and listen to them if they are feeling upset , buys them little thoughtful gifts if they really feeling them. Gets close with them

Can you do a post on how each Mars sign would try and seduce someone they like?

Aries Mars - oh they’re either direct in a sense of directly asking you out, or just wanting to get close to you so they initiate hang outs, they really light up when speaking to that s/o, just their body language and energy is totally noticeable when they like someone, you can sniff it a mile away, they will either defend that person or have debates and arguments on purpose, so they will mentally stimulate their person and awaken that passion when communicating, also other provocations as well lol, we are provoking little shits i must admit but we do it directly lol, also lots of touching and teasing, competitive

Scorpio Mars - ahhhhhhh intensity, there is some kind of magnetism there that attracts you, some kind of a puzzle and mystery that pulls you in about them, once they like you they will want to get to know you fully, they will want to achieve intimacy in your soul to soul connection, they are tough and there is a sense of danger attracting you but once they start liking you they will become obsessed with you and you will notice that they become obsessive and possessive and a bit jealous, because they feel emotions so intensely and deeply they feel these negative emotions like that as well and it shows.

Mars in Scorpio - Sex

In sexual matters they may not be totally open, but when they do let go sexually they can be physically and emotionally insatiable and do nothing by halves. The sexual act often involves totally merging with a partner and possessing the uncanny ability of understanding a lover’s deepest and darkest desires. As a sign of extremes, he or she can either live totally without sex or are very passionate in the bedroom. Mars in Scorpio is sexually magnetic, and when they feel passionately about someone or something they become obsessed. They want to explore the depths of a partner, but power struggles may be an issue in close relationships, and if betrayed they may become violent and their emotions explode to the surface with great ferocity. 

Sexual, Powerful, Scary

People born with Mars in Scorpio are never afraid to go to dark and scary places. They thrive there, its where they derive their energy. It is best not to mess with people, they operate with great power in the realm of your deepest fears and oldest nightmares.  If you anger them, they will strike where it really really really hurts.  They have quite a lot of soul power and often spend their lives training it and trying to control it so that it can be used for good and not evil. This type usually has a lot of energy tied up in sexual matters. They will need to find some athletic or creative practice in which to funnel their strong core energy so that they don’t become total sex addicts. Their sex drive is extremely high and their raw sexual energy is usually off the charts.  They are often extremely sexy and attractive people. Whatever they look like, they usually don’t have to try hard at all to find a sex partner. They tend to draw partners to them without much effort.

Men born win Mars in Scorpio will be the strong silent type, the dark horse.  They are mysterious and intimidating.  They are very private, confident, and sexy. They are very secretive. There is always something bubbling under the surface that you will NEVER know about.  They may seem very shy and quiet.   They are usually loners. They don’t do well in packs.  They are very in touch with their dark side and use it to get what they want.  They possess a lot of power and as a result they don’t attract a lot of competition. They are very intimidating and people are usually too scared to go near them. Less sharp people may see their quietness as weakness and may poke the tiger. They often attract less intuitive bully types who only see them for who they are on the surface. They sense some power but they don’t believe it so they test them and test them until they finally experience their extreme sting. They always regret it.

Mars in Scorpio is the most aggressive Scorpio position possible. If you think it hurts when a Sun in Scorpio comes back for their revenge, you will not at all be prepared for what a Mars in Scorpio man has to bring.  They are out for blood and blood only. They can play really dirty too. Nothing is off bounds or off limits.  It can get very ugly with these people.  They are not the types to pick fights or enter competitions. But when they are in a fight or competition. They cannot stand to lose and they don’t really care how they win, as long as they do.

Mars in Scorpio men are not typically very athletic though they should be.  They do great in any type of physical routine that involves focus and deep concentration.  They can excel in martial arts, water sports, extreme sports, yoga, gymnastics.  Their biggest competition is themselves and they do best when they can constantly push themselves beyond their own limits.  They can be daredevils too so they should exercise caution in any sport and don’t push themselves too far.  Mars in Scorpio is at their best when they can find a routine physical practice they can really excel in. They are so powerful and emotionally balanced when that happens.

Mars in Scorpio can be very into activities that are weird, psychedelic, occult, magical etc.  They often exert a lot of energy experimenting in areas of the unknown and shooting themselves, in some form, into oblivion. They often experiment with drugs. They have to exercise extreme caution with these substances because they can easily get lost in that world.  Scorpio is the sign of the underworld and its very easy for them to tell themselves they belong only there. They can also be a bit masochistic  They can easily push themselves too far in a dark direction out of a dysfunctional need to punish themselves for something.

Scorpio is also the sign of transformation though. So more than anyone Mars in Scorpio man will have the ability to control or quit any addictions as long as he really wants to.  Most importantly he can use his experiences in the other side to add to his own power and put the energy towards something positive. When this happens they are usually highly creative people. Their creations are so beautiful, they seem magical and they are always fun to experience.

Mars in Scorpio man is very loyal in relationships.  He can be obsessively loyal even possessive.  He is usually the type to stay committed to one person at a time. They have very focused energy and they can’t often successfully convince more than one person of true devotion.  They are very sensitive, much more sensitive than they seem and they often get hurt by their lovers.  When this happens it will take them a while but they will cut that person off forever.  But they will probably fester and fester about it for a very long while. They may stalk that person and be secretly obsessed for a long while. This negative energy, though, often fuels them in some way, creatively or athletically. They always take their sexual turmoil and use it to boost their own power in some way. Sexual frustration often yields huge creative or financial success in their lives.

Sexually, their skills are usually off the charts.  At their best, they are the masters.  Instinctively they just know what they are doing. If they have nothing to block this powerful energy then they connect very well with their partner and understand her needs. They are sensitive, careful, and passionate.  They love sex. They live for sex. And the opportunity to do it with someone they really love is basically the highest part of heaven and the deepest part of hell for them rolled up into one. It is a very powerful experience.  

Mars in Scorpio equates sex with power. They are faithful to their partner. They can be very complex, and they need their partner to want to share the depth and intensity of the experience. They don't kiss and tell; they believe sex to be an intimate and personal issue. They give great emotional depth to their partners. They may focus on breaking sexual taboos, if their partner is up to it. Mars in Scorpio is a bit possessive of their partners. While they probably won't admit it, they don't like to share their partners with anyone, not even for social engagements or family obligations.

Mars signs and sex ♂

Aries: Quick to get aroused, little foreplay. Rough and aggressive sex. Hair pulling. Selfish in bed. Probably really like doggystyle, and having sex against a desk or a table. They don’t last long but they’re always up for a second round. Unexpected sex, be ready to do it anywhere.

Scorpio: Either really dominant or submissive, they like power plays. Lots of stamina, powerful rhythm. Probably likes things like ropes and handcuffs, they like to break taboos. Pain turns them on,  probably likes biting and scratching. Hickeys to show possession. 

What do you think about a Mars in Scorpio guy?

The classic Mars in Scorpio male, is dashing, and in charge, with a pinch of old-school charm. They are independent, strong willed, and gifted at getting things done. Nothing excites a mars in Scorpio like a challenge,. They carry themselves with a sultry alluring mysterious air, practically begging to be explored. When Mars is in Scorpio, the sexuality is unnaturally prominent, they will be a veritable sex magnet. It’s said the sexual magnetism is so irresistible, physical appearances are totally disregarded in the presence of this planet. Luckily, the cool tempering of Scorpio makes them go about loving differently. Rather than having sex, this planet in Scorpio is for making love. The intimate experiences will be intense passionate, yet strangely dark. One must be truly special to be with a mars in Scorpio male.

A Mars in Scorpio is sexy without trying, without knowing, without even being physically attractive. They just ooze sexual energy, naturally, all the time; it's something they don't have to think about, like breathing.Mars in Scorpio is a darkly sexual lover. Sex is something that is intense and deep for them, even if they will never admit it. Mars in Scorpio might be into the idea of power and will like to be in control of their partner. Mars in Scorpio will have a high sex drive and a need for intimacy. Taboos and strange sex appeal to this Mars. Mars in Scorpio can have sexual fantasies that might make some feel appalled. Mars in Scorpio is not for everyone, though. Not everyone can handle their intense passion in the bedroom. Sex is one of their favorite passtimes. Mars in Scorpio will make sure that their lover is pleased because they want to be the best at sex.

Mars in Scorpio

Your mars sign is about how you act in a situation. It’s your sex life and what you find attractive in men (if you are attracted to men)

A person with their Mars in Scorpio will take action with endless willpower and passion. Either they will get the task done, exaclty on time with a bow on it, or they simply won't commit to it at all. In a situation they seem calm, cool and collected, but push them to far and you will witness the intense emotion that lies underneath. A Scorpio in Mars likes to be ambitous and set challenging goals for themselves. They have lots of energy and as said before, although the are slow to show emotion, once they do you would do best to stay out of their way. 

A person with this placement who is attracted to men will be likely to go for men with a mysterious aura. They like distinct facial features, and proportionate body compositions.

A person with Mars in Scorpio is always attractive no matter what exactly their physical appearence is. They have a certain magnetism about them that attracts potential lovers. In the bedroom, these people are up for almost anything. They think of sex as powerful, passionate, and erotic. Many like to get into the more taboo side of the bedroom. But at the same time, they are not sluts. They stick with one partner at a time for the most part, and what happens in the bedroom- or anywhere else- stays in the bedroom. And despite their often eagerness to get in touch with some of the kinkier stuff, they always respect their partners wants and needs first.

You will often be a jealous lover though you can hide it very well. Your sex life must have a deep emotional bond or it will feel rather meaningless. You can be attracted to intense lovers. You can be very stubborn about your beliefs and your ideas and thoughts will be hard to change. You will have the strength and will power to go after what you want. A very passionate person. 

You rarely get mad. You're often annoyed, irritated, but you rarely get mad. When you're mad you fight people. You are prepared for any type of violence, and you sure as hell know how to fight even if you've never done it before. You're easily annoyed by family/dumb people. Dumb people piss you off as much as the next guy, it's just that when you're annoyed you go into a different realm. You're quite, which is probably why some people fear you, because they probably think you're plotting revenge which in actuality you're just annoyed.  The only time you get actually angry, is when people talk shit. You believe that if you don't like someone, or if you have something to say, that you shouldn't scurt around the issue, that you should fuckin say somethin. I mean, you get pissed when people talk about you, but if people repeatedly talk mad shit about your friends??? haha I hope they have life insurance lmfao. You are a deeply and secretly passionate person. When you love things you LOVE things. When it comes to sex you are indifferent. It's not something you talk about a lot, it's not something you really care for but when your time comes to get it on you are A+ in bed. You are very sexual, kinky and all around there to please your partner and you have fun doing so. You're usually the dominant one but you're welcome to all kinds of things. People with Mars in Scorpio make extremely formidable enemies. It takes a great deal of hurt to anger them, and they are the slowest to anger. They very rarely get to their real anger, they may have many irritations and annoyances that other people may cause to them, but even then they will keep an even keel and not show any reaction and will keep it under the surface, like all of their bubbling emotions. For them to get truly angry it may take months, even years of emotional hurt, their anger can be represented as boiling water, the energy of Mars being the anger that gives the warmth, and the energy of Scorpio which represents the emotional water, it boils and boils, getting warmer and warmer until it becomes too much and that’s when they embrace their Scorpio nature and go after whatever the hurt is coming from, most likely a person. They are highly vengeful people and nothing will stop them from bringing karma to those who deserve it, they will fester for awhile, thinking about how to strike and when it happens, it’s truly a horrific yet incredible experience. Someone with Mars in Scorpio will make the source of their hurt make each day a living hell while being inconspicuous and even friendly to that person, you will truly never know if a Scorpio Mars is after you, because they hide things so well and they use that as their weapon.  They will never stop until they get what they want and what they want when angered, is blood.

Venus Signs in love

Venus in Gemini:

how they attract others: venus in gemini people love to flirt. they use their quick wit as a tool to attract someone. they love teasing and making the person they’re pursuing interested in finding out more about them. they act playful and show interest and knowledge in many different subjects. a venus in gemini’s goal is to have the other person think of him or her as “cute” and “fun”.

what they want in a relationship: a gemini venus wants frequent change and spontaneity. they want someone who can hold great conversations on a variety of topics. they want someone who will show tons of interest in them. humor is very important to a gemini venus. every gemini venus’ goal is to always have something to smile about in the relationship. they want to be entertained by their partner and also feel like they’re “free”.

how they act in a relationship: venus in gemini people don’t care much about deep issues in the relationship. they don’t want to discuss them. they are always fun and full of life. gemini venus has lots of friends so won’t spend all of his/her time with their partner. they talk a lot and love sharing interests. they want to learn as much as possible and share what they learned with their partner. gemini venus closely analyzes the entire relationship. they keep the relationship stimulating for them. they make the relationship feel both comfortable and fun. venus in gemini wants to skip problems and emphasize the good aspects of the relationship.

how the relationship can end: gemini venus doesn’t want a partner that is always stuck on the same thing. a partner that hates change is a partner that won’t work for them. a gemini venus hates not receiving attention and feeling too “tied down”. if the relationship doesn’t have intelligent conversations, the relationship will not work. they don’t want a “boring” relationship. if their partner is always trying to address issues, the two aren’t compatible.

Venus in Virgo:

how they attract others: a virgo venus doesn’t flirt. instead, they will show that they are clean, organized, attentive, reliable and logical. the person the venus in virgo is interested in will notice those qualities. usually they are attracted to a friend. no virgo venus attempts to pursue a stranger, they don’t know the stranger very well.  virgo venus will make sure to be helpful. they are shy and slow to enter a relationship because they want to be sure of the other person’s feelings.

what they want in a relationship: venus in virgo wants to be appreciated. they want one-on-one dates and preferably in a quite setting. they want to feel needed but not get taken advantage of. they want to fix any relationships issues that are present. they want to feel confident with the relationship, it’s important that they know their partner is loyal. because they are shy, they don’t want to be shown off too much. they would much rather have a quiet and dedicated relationship.

how they act in a relationship: virgo venus is extremely attentive. they love doing small things to make their partner happy. these things that they do are’t grand gestures of love, though. nothing flashy or showy, but very helpful. they are great listeners and will learn everything there is to know about their partner. sometimes they need space. every person with venus in virgo is pretty critical, but it’s just because they’re trying to help. their relationships are comfortable.

how the relationship can end: virgo venus is very helpful in such small ways that they might go unnoticed. their partner needs to be able to recognize this help and show appreciation for it. the relationship will end if virgo venus’ partner is not dedicated or doesn’t pay very much attention to the virgo venus. the partner can’t be too bold or active. virgo venus likes to feel safe, pushing them to do things that they don’t want to do can seriously damage the relationship. 

🕊🥀 What turns you on? 🥀🕊

Mars in Aries: Women can be drawn to dominate and passionate men and like the idea of being conquered and tamed(seeing as how these women tend to be a force of nature) and usually they like the idea of “forced submission"The hair is a hotspot and hair pulling can be a common occurrence sexually here. Rough sex is a commonality and most people link mars in Scorpio to animalistic sex and I would say that’s more Aries mars natives. •kinks: domination and rough housing, these natives are sexually aroused by the nitty gritty of sexual liaisons. They're both energetic and easily childlike with their libido! They crave constant and immediate gratification and satisfaction and for that reason are known to climax quickly or overwhelm themselves with pleasure before the act has even started. They want sex to feel animalistic and raw-raw lust turns them on and so does the prospect of losing oneself to the "feeling" their muts in the sheets be it male or female and women and men here lean towards being tops. There not in to prolonged forplay and can get easily bored with overly wordy interlude to sex despite their easy attraction to the air signs. Persona mars in Aries(mars and Venus persona chart) •these are the impulsive and daring when in love, every move and every step is sought with passion and chaos. They may Natally have a calm mars sign like Virgo or even cancer yet when in love they're a different beast..one of high volistic energy. They tend to be a bit more sexually driven in the relationship  and at times may seem to only have their minds in a bedroom setting 24/7 when in reality sex is how they show their love-it's a doorway in the most primitive sense of expressing their deep love for their partner. Sex here is very as they say "Latin" it takes on a powerful and romantic tone but one littered in intoxicating dominance..they can seem to want to devour their partners and can be turned on by the mere sight of their partner vulnerable and naked before them. Draconic mars in Aries: •a soul assertiveness-there is a hidden and underlining tension and friction to these individuals no matter their natal or even persona mars they have a almost unconscious desire for bare and raw to the flesh like physical interaction. These people are insatiable and often have a almost otherworldly vestibule of sexual grace-their past life was one lived with force and pravada one the was hard fought but one that was sought through ones own identification with her/his physical identity of the self. This personality often may never rear its head unless one truly grows to unify with this energy-but sex here always has an elements of emotional whirlwinds and vagrant friction..sex here is the most animalistic of them all and one that is as close to death as possible, these natives often crave fire sign energy in that of the natal charts of others and tend to showcase this side of themselves most when involved with Arian lovers(sun/moon/mercury/Venus/mars/rising/and generational planets included) 

Aries mars are often the most primal and raw of the mars signs simply it being the first born. Aries mars identify sex with the physical body and feel the most comfortable in the realm of sex as they are in unison with mars-which adds to the almost domineering and tyrant nature they exhibit sexually. They tend to lean towards more aggressive and even fast strokes and or sways when in the moment. That being said Aries does things fast and can be the type to ejaculate a bit too soon, this can even be said for the women here. That being said sexually they’re not selfish and usually want their partner to be just as overwhelmed by the sensation as they are. 

Debunk: Aries mars are usually very tender sexually and aren’t “go go go” the whole time! In fact they are fairly open to new things even if they express disinterest at first. Foreplay isn’t something they’re really into but it’s not impossible to get them to give it a try! A biggie debunk here is that not all Aries mars are gonna be super aggressive and wild!! Aha but they’ll all have a lot of energy!. 

Decans: 

Decan one(0-10 degrees): will be the more excitable and verbal of the bunch! Very high libido and an intense sexual hunger! Will most likely love tension and have a very natural and easy going nature about the way they express their sexuality! Might cum fast but will give you the ride of your life. 

Mars in Scorpio: Men from what I’ve noticed are very much so turned on my the “moment” they LIVE for that one “moment” and the lead up to it. They can be very easily aroused by touch and perceived stimulation and or anticipation of a moment turning into something more. So if you intrigue them enough and give them the idea that something otherworldly(and or sexual) could occur via glances and movements and a small shake and jive here and there you’ve got them. Sex here is about control and how many ways you and them can lose said control.

✨✨ Aries Mars culture ✨✨

Aries is at home with Mars so that Arian energy is doubled and extremely passionate in bed. 

amazing STAMINA, can probably go on for hours especially in their youth. 

It’s a very rough, raw type of love/sex 

Very adventurous in bed, would like to try new things 

The hunter looking for it’s prey...and once they get you, OH BOYY 

Extremely passionate about their love. If they love you, they will scream it from the rooftops. Sexual compatibility is important to them though!

 ✨✨ Scorpio Mars culture ✨✨

Pluto is the higher version of Mars, so when these two get together… woah

Sex is intense, but since Scorpio is a sign of black and white there are periods of total absence (which may come off as a surprise) and ones of full of intensity (not much of a surprise) (but doesn’t absence make things more kinkier?)

These people are highly magnetic and ooze a certain type of secret sexuality 

Has high stamina and a strong will to get a lot (or very difficult) things done 

Usually has a higher pain tolerance (mentally and physically), the type of people who has a “horror” story that involves them overcome something

Passive aggressive af (gifted at manipulation and revenge) 

Not the one to kiss and tell, very secretive and takes things seriously

Into the taboo or unconsciously attracts it, relationships and events can border toxic or dangerous

Prime candidate to be a stalker or to be stalked

Very primal in bed, usually sees sex as a part of nature– a way of procreation before untimely death (like a prey mantis, kinky right)

Wants to be dominate or be dominated in sex, or at least into more risky, intimate sex

Sex Gods, usually needs to deeply understand their partner before sex  so they usually know how to deeply satisfy them

Not into casual sex or sleep around, but if they are it doesn’t mean much “it’s just sex,” bc sex with a bond is different and more meaningful to them

Paranoid at others actions, they type of people who see through your lies and bullshit

Usually has to fight for their riches and resources, so jealously and protectiveness of lovers can be high and loyalty is a priority

Money, riches and other resources are hawt bc they mean power (which is even hawter)

Likes to be with someone who is strong and can play power games with them, or someone who can make them be a power couple

passion unmatched by any other placement 

sex will be crazy crazyyyy

aggressive af

probably a psychopath in relationships, nbd tho

having intense emotions

Don't tell them they can't do something because they will make it their life’s mission to prove they can

attracts so many people but ends up pushing most of them away

Mars signs and erogenous zones/kinks

Mars in Aries:

Those people love rough sex and may like to include a little bit of pain in the sexual act.

They like to dominate and dislike submission.

Their sensitive spot is the whole head (if I can say that). They may enjoy hair pulling, ear bitting.

Hair Pulling is the best way to make an Aries Mars wanting to scream your name or call you different names.

As we were talking about names. They may love to be called “daddy/mommy” because it gives them the power they dream about.

They are the types to scratch their partner’s back and be actually very proud of their act.

Mars in Scorpio:

We got to the so known ‘king of sex’.

They are sensitive everywhere when having sex.

They love to dominate as much as Aries. 

They sometimes love to get jealous, it might actually turn them on.

They love bondage and whips.

They can love everything from above, especially daddy and mommy kink.

They love foreplay as much as penetration.

Those people love blowjobs, maybe too much.

Having rough sex is not something to be afraid of, they say this themselves. Being a little animalic isn’t doing anything wrong, right?

Men might prefer a dominatrix or a person to dominate the game. They need to fight somehow.

[kenobios]

rotj: my thoughts

positives and negatives. spoilers ahead

so, i wasn’t gonna write one of these but i felt i needed to get some stuff off my chest so i can move on. i was just gonna pretend this movie didn’t happen but i think i can come to eventually accept that it did now that i’ve had time to digest everything.

POSITIVES:

- honestly... from my first viewing there isn’t a lot i like. but i’m sure this will improve the more i watch the film and actually have the chance to form an opinion on more things within such a hectic onslaught of information. - i laughed. c3po and that little fixer dude were genuinely funny (to me). dio (sp?) was super cute too. tbh i never cared much for droids (my obi-wan is coming thru here) but i actually enjoyed them so that’s a win for me - very pretty film. visually spectacular.  - fast-paced. not boring for a second (to me). kept me entertained. - rey’s yellow lightsaber. i actually liked this even tho it doesn’t match up with current canon (yellow being for temple guards). it reminded me of bastila and i was just waiting for her to show it off as a double-sided saber... which i didn’t get but it still looked like it was built for it so i’ll take the win. - the idea of palpatine being powerful again but it would have been cool to see a younger version of himself - rey and ben teaming up and the intimate moment they shared which felt genuinely beautiful and was one of the highlights for me

now here’s the ISSUES i have off the top of my head, some of them having been mentioned on this blog before:

- the trio. everyone else has already said it. forced and uncomfortable. it felt like they were setting up a love triangle for the first half of the movie as well, which was weird. when they had poe and rey have those ‘moments’ or when they bickered with each other i was like ‘they better not be tryna spring up some hanleia dynamic on us for the last film between these two’ especially while also baiting finnrey (which is never touched upon again after the first half of the movie, yikes)

- towards the end of the film, i turned to the person next to me and said “this reminds me of a video game plot” - i couldn’t pinpoint exactly why that was, but it was just a feeling. and not a deep, thorough video game plot either. another reviewer said something similar. it’s just... very shallow, expository and it feels like it’s dragging you and the characters through very railroaded and forced missions/battles. i mean at the start they’re really just looking for something, going to someone, that person says they need to talk to someone else for the thing, they go to another person, etc. which is a type of mission device used in games as well. it also felt to me like one of those japanese otome games where rey is the bland female character that all the male characters fall for (poe, finn, kylo) and she gets her pick of which one she wants to romance, which was cringe.

- i didn’t hear the characters. i only heard what they were forcing the characters to say in order to progress the plot or explain the plot. the characters themselves became faceless inserts for exposition. so many times i heard a character say something and thought... that was a jarring piece of dialogue that seems both out of character and unnatural to say at that point in time.

- although i said being fast-paced could be a positive, it was largely a negative for me. at one point it felt like slide transitions were happening at minute intervals. a major plot point would be revealed and then no time is given to process, it’s onto the next major scene. this left everything feeling very rushed and messy, which i believe is due to half the film being cut for time constraints.

- each character is either twisted into an unrecognisable character, or ignored/not given the time they deserve. rey? blank slate female protag with a famous bloodline and who barely reacts to the things going on around her (leia dying, ben dying, she disregards her ‘friends’ on multiple occasions). like others, i always defended rey’s abilities, but this film is too much. she has been made a mary sue. finn? rendered nothing but the ‘friend’ pining after a girl and only briefly gets time with his own story which is never fully explored in this film by any means. poe? turned into a grumpy, seemingly jealous ‘friend’ with a shady past that felt like they were trying to make him the ‘han solo’ of the trio rather than going with what we already know about his character. leia? now this is hard, and i respect what they tried to do, but i still felt like her death could have been done a bit better rather than the quick ‘shock’ moment it was. also the stuff with luke training her is a no for me. way too shoe-horned and part of what made leia cool to me was that she was a skywalker but didn’t need to be a jedi. her powers were elsewhere. kylo? don’t get me started. rose? who? she may as well not have been in this movie with the way they ignored her character and showed how little the other characters care about her. it broke my heart.

- rey palpatine? though i’m a rey kenobi fan, i was happy with rey nobody. i liked what it stood for. i didn’t mind the idea of rey palpatine in theory, but the way they force-fed this to us in the film rather than building it up left a bad taste in my mouth and i’m going to have to pass on it. if they wanted to have her related to palpatine, they should have just made her a clone imo. it would have matched with what was being built up prior (in tlj with the clones in the cave), it would have explained her ties to the dark side, it would have completed the palpatine/skywalker poetry, and it would have still been congruent with her being a ‘nobody’ since that’s essentially what clones are seen as in star wars. also we wouldn’t have to think about the fact palpatine got laid. laboratories were already set up in jakku by palpatine. cloning itself was shown in rots anyway (snoke) so? 

- although i’ve wanted ben to be redeemed... it still felt too rushed in this film. also, he does display some toxic tendencies as kylo ren towards rey (trying to manipulate her to go with him) which didn’t sit well with me but i didn’t really see ben/kylo ren in his scenes sometimes anyway, since he was also forcibly used to give exposition to us/rey. i did like his scene with his mother and father in the film but i just needed more than that to really feel his redemption rather than the quick switch we got. 

- i originally wasn’t okay with the whole ‘bringing someone back to life through the force’ thing since i always liked the idea palpatine was just saying that to honeypot anakin, but decided i’m willing to accept it as a unique ability they had for each other due to their force bond. but then... ben dies anyway. and it’s done in such a way that leaves you feeling ‘wtf just happened?’. it was random, forced, didn’t feel necessary and it just... happened. no one reacted to it. he wasn’t referred to or mentioned after this. the last skywalker goes out just like that. poof. okay. so was this a shock death or was jj genuinely trying to appease people who didn’t think ben deserved redemption or to live? either way ben lived such a sad, cruel, manipulated life that his death seemed unfair and we’re all supposed to think this movie is hopeful and celebrate a few minutes later? i don’t think so. in fact, everything that happens after that scene feels incredibly uncomfortable because of the massive tonal shift.

- the kiss. ok don’t hate me. i enjoy reylo. but i honestly think the kiss wasn’t exactly... needed? maybe it was just because everything else felt so forced but it felt a little forced in this scene for me. for me, the hug ben gave rey just beforehand spoke more volumes of their intimacy. i did mention their intimate moments above as a positive, so i still like this overall moment (in addition to the moment rey heals him). but the hug spoke enough to me that it would have been nice to keep it more subtle yet obvious enough (thanks to their acting) that they cared deeply for one another. but then again, this is what i felt before i knew ben died, so. idk. i guess it would suck for ben to die without having kissed rey? how about just don’t kill ben off. have them hug instead of kiss and then leave us to fill in the gaps as they both live. how about that.

- the rey skywalker thing is embarrassing. and rey ended up alone in the desert... just how she started. i just can’t. by the time this came on the screen i was ready to leave. i only stayed because i HOPED there would be an after credits showing her on the falcon, or her training finn to be a jedi, or her speaking with any of the force ghosts (luke or ben or anakin).

- speaking of which. why were there no force ghosts in the scene where she fights palpatine? we just get voices? that scene really lacked impact and the whole fight sequence just felt blah. palpatine came back super strong and then he was gone in moments. there should have a) been force ghosts or some kind of visual presence of the jedi to help rey whether physically or just boosting morale and b) ben should have fought palpatine with her.

- why is rey alone in the desert? i honestly didn’t think this meant she was going to be a hermit until i came online and saw that’s what everyone else thought. but just... why? why is she not passing on the jedi ways she fought to keep alive? or the knowledge she has gained/kept in the sacred jedi texts she stole? surely not. surely that is her plan. surely ben saved her not just because he loved her but also because she can carry on the skywalker legacy NOT by dying alone in a desert but by training new jedi. (which, again, SHOULD HAVE BEEN FINN AS THE FIRST NEW JEDI!) or better yet, a new type of jedi that don’t follow toxic ways but that incorporate both the light and dark side of the force like she does? and calling THEM skywalkers? but nope. instead she ended up back where she started. except with less personality this time.

- i can’t talk enough about how cool it would have been to have jedi!finn at the end. talk about coming full circle from the promo baits they had for TFA of finn with the lightsaber. AT LEAST GIVE US THIS.

- the whole movie just felt like a massive disrespect to the previous film. everything rian built was trampled on, retconned or ignored. say what you want about tlj and rian, but this is what happens when you ignore or try to retcon the preceding film whether you like it or not. everything feels messy and the plots get screwed up. this movie would have been largely different (better) had they not tried so hard to pretend tlj didn’t exist. even if you didn’t like it, take the plot and mould it into something you do like. don’t just toss it aside and lose all sense of continuity between the films. i don’t blame jj for this exactly, but rather the disney committee that were too afraid to acknowledge tlj’s existence due to the reception it got from fans and thus felt the need to have jj ‘fix/retcon’ things rather than build upon/improve things.

- oh yeah hux. that happened, i guess. i thought it was weird and it kinda sucked that they did that. who cares about the new guy? general pride or whatever? no one. surely making general hux more menacing couldn’t have been THAT hard. but no. we get a rather silly death instead. alright. at least he can forever be known as the petty king of star wars.

- there’s probably more. i could write an essay but i’m getting tired of complaining already so i’m leaving it here. if you happened to read this far and want to talk about it with me some more, my DMs are open!

overall, i just hope some canon content is going to be released, either in the form of a book or a comic, that explores more of this following the movie. i want to know more about finn’s story. i want to see whether rey does stay on tatooine or whether she trains jedi. i want to see whether she communicates with ben through the force, or just, y’know, any closure on that would be nice. i want to see the director’s cut with the other half of the movie. then, perhaps, i will know peace.

[egg-emperor]

I love the sexy Egg and also wanted to ask, any headcanons about how Eggman would interact with someone if he ever fell in love

BIG FUCKING SAME!!! Though I’m sure my agreement goes without saying since my whole blog is about sharing that message heheh

While I personally do believe that Eggman can look at someone and find them attractive, (only while still enforcing that he is the most attractive and important man around though lol) he has no desire to actually be in a relationship most of the time and that most of the time, he’ll get into things without the intention of staying with them.

I think that one of the most likely scenarios where something deeper than that could happen would be if he found someone that appears to be a loyal and worthy asset, take them in to work and serve him. You know, what he usually does. Perhaps it would start with him recognizing their adoration, planning to mess around with it just for the entertainment. But then he might happen to develop some kind of real feelings for them in the process.

Another scenario is if they have the same interests in him, such as science, robotics, perhaps even amusement parks, casinos, carnivals, circuses, etc. So still someone that is willing to work alongside him, but not beneath him like the first example. I really love this one! A good example of this happening would be in Archie with a certain scientist from a certain crossover. 

A work partnership turned relationship is likely but could lead to disagreements between them if he sees them as trying to take the things that he wants to keep himself from him, the world being the most important of course.

Either way, I can’t imagine it being all that intense for him if he does feel anything romantically. What I mean is that after spending so long feeling destined and entitled to rule the world it’s not likely that love/romance would cloud his desires and make him want to give up on his lifelong goal. 

He would also never ever consider ‘settling down’ because he will always be a free, active man that does as he pleases and his desire to be the greatest will not fade. But that doesn’t mean all bets are off for a relationship that lasts in general, it just depends on whether his partner would be in disagreement with him being like this or not.

It would take time for him to come to terms with how he’s feeling himself before anything really happens. During this time he can be pretty oblivious to any attempts the other person might make towards him about their feelings, despite being able to pick up on it immediately at any other time. It’s still very foreign to him when he actually considers getting into something serious with them.

As for how he’d interact directly with a person that he was attracted to and had genuine feelings, I think it would be very playful and mostly through remarks than any physical gestures for a long while at first. Nobody would be able to tell the difference between him doing it for his own gain/as a form of trickery or if it was actually real at this stage, aside from how it wouldn’t escalate as quickly.  

He has his own ways of displaying affection in other forms of intimacy, different from that of your typical, traditional romance. This would very slowly but surely develop over time and it becomes more obvious that he’s really feeling it. 

Any gestures he makes that could be considered romantic would also be small and subtle most of the time though. He doesn’t know how to put most of his feelings into words (even if he wanted to be open about them) so his actions would still speak louder overall.

[If anyone wants to add anything to this that would be cool but please don’t make it specific to any gender- I didn’t use pronouns here for a reason, thank youuu]

[thawedpatriot]

“You’re always number one.”

he’s being ridiculous, he knows he’s being ridiculous. but that doesn’t stop him from venomously eyeing the small array of people schmoozing with tony from across the room.

he’s working, he’s being paid to guard tony for the duration of this charity gala, so he shouldn’t be focused on how much it bothers him that one of the woman speaking to tony is practically hanging off his arm. he’s on duty, not here as tony’s plus one. besides, it’d be stupid to get jealous over this, he’s more mature than this, right? yet there he stands, stewing as he waits for the bartender to slide the drink orders across to him, eyes fixated on the gaggle of people surrounding tony. he couldn’t have been subtle, but at least he could pass off the staring as just being really intense about his job. yeah, that’s it, he’s just taking his work seriously and is considering that each member of said gaggle could be potential threats to his clients safety. that’s definitely what this is. the woman clinging to him could have ulterior motives, so could the man staring at him like he was prey. steve has no doubt that they each wanted to use tony stark for their own personal gain in one way or another, admiring the wealth more than the man, but it was easy enough to formulate ways they could be legitimate threats when steve’s imagination ran away from him.

it’s not until the woman steps away to chat tipsily at another man in the gaggle that a tall man a couple years his junior steps forward and slips a hand to tony’s back. steve’s scarcely aware of the bartender passing a drink in his direction, eyes boring into the hand that moves its way to the small of tony’s back, white noise filling his ears. this is stupid, he reminds himself, even as he snatches the glass up into his hand and marches over. he’s just doing his job, watching out for tony’s safety; he’s just bringing him his drink, totally professional.

“—excuse me,” he interjects, interrupting whatever speech or elevator pitch the man had been in the middle of, his own hand slipping lower on tony’s back as a smile that would rival a sharks slips across his face, “here’s your drink, mr. stark.”

the man retracts his hand, expression souring, plan foiled by the presence of towering bodyguard. tony appears oblivious, smiling as he takes the glass from steve’s hand, thanking him. steve backs up, eyes never leaving the well dressed stranger for a moment, a silent warning, and after lingering for a second longer he drops his hand from where it had rested comfortably on tony’s back, an unusual display of intimacy while their relationship is still under wraps. it’s been steve who’s been insisting it’s in their best interest to keep things quiet, wanting to avoid more media presence than necessary— it could be unsafe for further paparazzi attention to be drawn to tony, and that’s the last thing steve wants. it’s his job to keep tony safe, this includes his reputation. he can’t fail because his emotions are in the way.

but it’s moments like this where steve wishes people knew, even if to get some people to back off at events such a this. it wouldn’t deter all of them, he knows this, but it’d deter all the somewhat decent people. as he moves away, heading back to his post by the bar, he can feel tony’s eyes on him. privately, he feels pleased with himself. it takes roughly ten minutes for tony to dismantle the group and break away to join him by the bar, the smile on his lips more genuine now than it had been earlier. there’s a knowing glint in the others eyes, steve can see it through the glasses just like the way tony saw right through him. the smirk on his lips calls him out, and steve can’t help but return it sheepishly. maybe he hadn’t given tony enough credit in assuming he wouldn’t pick up on the jealously that radiates off of him in waves. he aches to close the distance between them.

“you’re always number one.”

words soften steeled exterior, and steve feels his heart warm his chest. oh, he hadn’t expected to care about this man so much— never dreamed that affection may be returned. yet here he is, smiling broadly at tony like a lovesick fool. what he does next is out of impulse alone, acting upon emotion alone; it’s risky, given the highly public location, but he ain’t concerned by that right then and there. reaching out, he carefully removes tony’s glasses from his face, tucking them into suit pocket before extending a hand out in invitation.

“may I have this dance, mr. stark?”

tony appears stunned, glancing around them briefly before giving him a look that questioned whether or not he was sure about this. steve can’t blame him, for the stink he’s put up about keeping their relationship hidden from public eye. but standing there, staring at tony with his hand hovering there between them, he doesn’t care. it’s he easy enough to insist this is the easiest way to cover him, to ensure his safety, that the closeness would make it easier for him to shield tony should trouble arise. but that’s not where his mind is. instead, he’s just thinking about how pleasant it would be to have tony in his arms, dressed this nice, to the soft music a grand piano is churning out.

then tony takes his hand and smile splits into grin. it felt right, like the world was clicking into place at long last. gently, he pulls tony out to the dance floor and assumes leading position, hoping the scarcely knowledge tony had leant him would serve him well now, or at the very least allow him to spare tony’s toes.

they settle on swaying, and eventually the nervous energy in tony’s posture dissipates, replaced by ease and familiar smile, the warm kind steve has only seen when it was just the two of them. he is aware of the eyes following them, scrutinizing, speculating— he reminds himself that these are people tony will see regularly, that the same people attend these types of events. it’d be best not to ruin a reputation this way, he’d hate to be the cause of it.

“is this okay?”

The question leaves his lips, barely a whisper to be heard over the music, but he knows it’s been heard by the way tony rolls his eyes fondly and nods.

“yes, steve, this is more than okay.”

it lessens his concerns some, allows him to nudge them aside and focus on the present. the present where he was beaming at a man who could be his future.

[kookadoodle]

Something Between Us (Pt 6)

PLOT: Being best friends with Min Yoongi is not always the easiest thing to do. Especially, when he finds out about your blooming relation to one popular friend of his - Jeon Jungkook. 

PAIRING: Jungkook x reader (ft. Yoongi and the other boys) GENRE: fluff, F2L!AU WARNINGS: swearing, flufff WORDCOUNT: 5k A/N: this is kinda Pt 6.1, enjoy x

Pt. 7 ♥

-------------------------------------

{Y/N’s POV}

The sensation of the chill air hitting my bare skin wakes me as my eyes flicker open, revealing themselves to my room. I feel relaxed as I lay softly on the mattress, feeling it shaped beneath me. Suddenly, I notice something off. I am used to waking up alone, yet to wake up in an unexpectedly empty bed tears at my heart strings. He left. I sigh at that, lifting myself up on my elbows to stare out at the empty room. Of course, he left, I think to myself. It confuses me, but I have gotten so used to being left behind that it does not surprise me anymore. Or at least I would like to think that it is the case. 

I get up and put on my clothes before making my way downstairs. I try to focus on something else than his absence, not wanting to fully accept being fooled by his charms and feel like an idiot. I reach the last step of the stairs and the quiet is broken by a sound from the kitchen, piercing itself through the house. I frown at that and wonder whether or not I truly heard it at all. I step into the kitchen and feel my whole attitude lighten as I am met with his eyes. “Good morning,” he says softly, smiling at me and erasing every previous depressing thought I had. He is here. He is fixing himself a cup of coffee and I laugh to myself, capturing his attention. “What?” he asks as he pours the addictive liquid into the mug. “I thought you’d left,” I say quietly, feeling silly as the words leave me. His brows furrow. “Why would I leave?” he asks genuinely as if the thought had never crossed his mind. I shrug and lean on my arms on the kitchen island, letting his reaction to my doubtful mind warm me up. “Coffee?” he asks and pulls out a mug before I answer. “Yeah, sure,” I say and watch him place the mug beside his, filling it up to match his own. Seeing them stand side by side is almost too domestic a view, but as he hands me the cup, the thought settles well with me. I guess I could get used to that. I take a sip, letting the liquid coat my tongue with its vibrant flavors. The mere contact is enough to wake me, even though the effect should not have kicked in yet. Maybe it is not the coffee, but something else just as addicting keeping me awake. His hair is ruffled, and his white t-shirt covers the bare skin that carries gentle bruises I left behind in my trail. The neck line is just loose enough to tease me a view of one of my markings, making me fight back the smile tugging at my lips. He stands still, lifting his eyes to meet mine, holding his gaze intently on me. He sighs as he takes in my face, memorizing every detail it seems. “How do you feel today?” he then asks gently, holding on to his cup as if to brace himself. I tilt my head. “Fine,” I say, and it almost comes out as a question, signaling my uncertainty of his intentions. He smiles at that, seeming a bit relieved as if he was holding his breath. “No, I mean about us?” he adds, still slightly nervous to hear my response. I tug in my bottom lip, resting the mug on the counter as I ponder on it. “I feel good about us,” I state softly. My shy eyes avoid his unintentionally, making my gaze fall to my hands as a blush creeps across my features. He places down his cup, and I sense him making his way around the kitchen island, reaching the spot right next to me. He stands close to me. Almost close enough for me to feel his soothing breath on my skin. “Y/N…” he says gently, wanting me to turn my head. I do and meet a pair of awaiting eyes ready to get lost in mine. He studies me closely and lifts up a tender hand to caress the pinkish complexion of my cheek. “I feel good about us, too,” he says softly and moves his hand to rest under my chin, pulling me closer and placing a delicate kiss on my lips. The softness of his touch does wonders to my heart, mending all its scars right there on the spot. It feels honest and I like that. The intimate affection comes to an end as he pulls back to study my breathless expression. He smiles with gleaming eyes. “You’re making me soft,” he laughs and takes my hand in his. “But I’ll let you,” he adds, and I cannot hold back my expression as it lightens at his promising words.

{Jungkook’s POV}

I hold her hand in mine, confessing my love to her hint by hint and I cannot ignore the comfort it gives me. She looks up at me with such intimacy, listening closely to my words, and I cannot help but want to stay like this forever. It sounds cheesy, I know, but I really have no desire to leave this very moment. I cup her cheek with my hand as I lean in to nuzzle in the crook of her neck, placing a soft kiss on the sensitive skin. She tastes sweet on my lips, entirely addictive just like she did last night. When I had first met her those few years ago, I had not imagined that I would get to be in this moment right here, allowed into her space and hopefully, her heart. “Please, be mine,” I whisper into her ear, surprising us both a little. I almost hold my breath as I desperately wait for her answer, feeling as if I have unintentionally just spilled my secrets. I normally let the girls plead their case to me, but this time I find myself to be the one begging. I set aside my pride as I lay myself fully on display before her. “Please, Y/N, be mine,” I repeat unapologetically. I sense her sigh in my embrace, and I feel her arms being wrapped around my waist. “Only if you’ll be mine,” she says, chuckling gently at her own cliché words. I pull back slightly to look at her, searching her features for confirmation. She means it. “I already am, babe,” I smirk and watch her get flustered before me. She presses herself against me, hiding shyly in the crook of my neck, and I hold her there, getting swallowed up by her warmth. Fuck, she is perfect, I think. She takes a step back and looks at me as her face drops with seriousness. “We can’t tell Yoongi yet,” she says, seeming terrified by the thought. Her eyes are wide and innocent, lips in a natural pout. I did not lie, when I said she makes me soft. “We’ll tell him, when you’re ready,” I state calmly, wanting to put her mind at ease. She looks a few times back and forth in my eyes, before a sigh settles between her lips, making them curve up in the progress. “Good,” she says.

-----------------------------------------------

{Y/N’s POV}

I pick up my phone and read the text from Yoongi. “Meet me out front in 5,” he writes, signaling that it is time to go. I brush my teeth before I grab my phone and head outside. I walk up the path to the sidewalk and notice Yoongi is approaching as well. “Hello, handsome,” I say charmingly, earning a scoff from him. “Already starting your flattering, huh? What are you up to?” he asks cheekily, seeing right through my actions. “Just wanted to be on your good side today,” I joke, as if I am ever on his bad one. He chuckles at that as he reaches the door and gets in the front seat. I get in beside him and we roll down the windows, allowing the summer air inside. The car starts rolling down the street and the familiar cozy feeling of his presence settles within me. “We are picking up Hoseok first,” he states, and I sense a tension in his expression. It is very subtle, but very present to me. I study him for a moment, trying to figure out what it is. If he and Hoseok is at bad terms, he would tell me. Right? I second guess, wondering how much we have been sharing with each other lately. I feel tempted to tell him about Jungkook, but the subject has been sensitive before and I feel like it still is. He might have given us his blessing to do whatever we want, yet it does not exactly feel that way. I know if I tell him, he will not be pleased to hear it. I try to let it go for now, focusing back on him. “Are you and Hoseok close? You don’t really talk about him as much as you do the others,” I say, and I sense him tensing up at my words. He glances over at me as if he is giving himself time to come up with an answer. “Uh, yeah, sure,” he says nonchalantly, while tightening his grip on the steering wheel. He clears his throat and whips his hair into place as it had gotten in his eyes. “Could you pick a CD?” he asks, changing the subject by gesturing to the music in the glove box. I nod as I open it up, picking through the options. I choose one and put it on, letting it blast through the speakers and fill up the space. Soon enough, we pull up at Hoseok’s house, and I meet his eyes as he approaches the car to get in the backseat. “Hi,” he says cheerfully as he gets in, smile wide and contagious. “Hi,” I say back and turn to smile at him. “Are you ready?” I ask, and a comical dread falls on his face as if he has been fearing today’s events. I grin at his expression. “I don’t like the fair,” he says, a polite smile tugging at his lips. “Why not?” I ask, earning a scoff from Yoongi, whose eyes are locked on the road, but ears on the conversation. “I don’t like heights… or speed… or haunted houses,” Hoseok states laughing, tensing his shoulders. I notice how Yoongi has not said anything yet, which only feeds my suspicious mind. “You can just watch from the ground then,” I suggest. Hoseok chuckles at that, fixing his cap. “If only I could, sweetheart. But the boys would never let me live, if I did,” he says knowingly of how they would all tease him to the world’s end, if he stayed on the ground and gave up his pride. “I’ll just do a few rounds and then pretend to not feel well, which probably won’t even require much acting,” he jokes. We pull up at the next stop on the road and Yoongi turns off the engine, leaning back in his seat. I frown at Yoongi’s actions as I know we are already pressed a bit on time. “What’s up?” I ask. He sighs, crossing his arms. “Namjoon is always late,” he says, closing his eyes as if he is going to take a nap in the meantime. Knowing Yoongi, it would not surprise me if he did. I turn to look out the window and notice the door being opened by a tall, lean figure. He steps outside and just as I am about to point out Yoongi’s failed assumptions, Namjoon halts and turns around, walking back inside. What is he doing? I ponder, resting my chin on my fist. A moment later he appears again with his sunglasses on, acknowledging our presence with a casual wave. I smile at him as he steps closer, but suddenly he bows his head with a sigh before returning to the house once again. Minutes pass and I start wondering what the boy is doing that has to take so long. Finally, he closes the door and locks it, reaching to the car and getting into the back seat next to Hoseok. “Hey guys,” he says, putting on his seatbelt. “You were quick this time,” Yoongi says sarcastically, and Namjoon chuckles at himself. “Yeah, I kept forgetting stuff inside and then I couldn’t find my phone, but I got everything now,” he explains, pulling up his sleeves and resting into his seat. “You’re sure?” Yoongi asks, not wanting to have to drive back. “Yeah, we can go,” Namjoon says and Yoongi takes that as a yes, starting the engine once again. “Jin won’t be pleased with you,” Hoseok laughs, looking at Namjoon, who seems to know he is in trouble. Seokjin is the next stop before the car is full and we can drive to the fairground. A few moments later we arrive at his apartment, and I notice him standing by the road with arms crossed and an unamused expression. He gets in next to Namjoon and sighs sharply. “I can’t believe you guys made me wait out here for 10 minutes. If I knew you would be late, I could have gone back in and gotten an extra sweater,” Seokjin immediately scolds, earning an amused expression from Hoseok, who tries to hide it from his view. “I know it was you, Namjoon,” he says, looking over at him, who is bowing his head. “I’m sorry, hyung,” Namjoon sighs. “Do you want to go in and get the sweater?” Namjoon asks politely, wanting to make it up to him somehow. “No, we are already late, let’s just go,” Seokjin says, gesturing to Yoongi, who takes the hint and gets us back on the road.

{Jungkook’s POV}

The car pulls up and I get in the front seat, earning an amused smile from Taehyung, whose hands are on the steering wheel. “You know, Jimin has shotgun,” he states, knowing how Jimin will be, when he finds me in his seat. “He can sit in the back,” I grin, already looking forward to seeing his reaction. I notice Tae’s shoes at my feet, and I look over at him. “Why do you always take off your shoes wherever you go?” I chuckle, studying his relaxed appearance. He scoffs as he drives out of the parking lot to the main road. “I just like it that way,” he says, and I shake my head at him. I pull out my phone and read the message displayed on the screen. It makes a smile tug at my lips.

[Today 15:02] Y/N: see you there

Knowing I get to see her in a bit warms me up, and I feel slightly nervous at the thought. I grin at myself, thinking how stupidly smitten I am. “What are you smiling at? Have you and Hailie made up?” Tae asks, trying to catch a glance at my phone. I shield it away, chuckling at his actions. “No, it’s not her,” I state, dismissing the option. “But it is a she?” Tae says, wiggling his brows suggestively. I suddenly remember how Tae and Y/N went on a date, and how it is going to make this a little harder to say. “Actually, it’s Y/N,” I state carefully, fidgeting nervously with my locked phone as I wait for his response. Saying it makes my heart flutter, but also makes me break a sweat as I fear it will create tension between me and Taehyung. Please, do not hate me, I pray silently, not wanting it to hurt him in any way. It is hard to know, though, since Tae has not really said how he feels about her. She has not said anything about him either, which I guess is a good sign. “Oh,” Tae says, and I cannot make out the thought behind his subtle features. “So, you finally decided to make a move then,” he smiles, looking over at me. I mirror his expression, adding an element of relief as I can tell he is not hung up on her. “Yeah, I guess I did,” I say. “You’re not mad?” I ask gently, not wanting to poke the bear, if he really is bothered by it. He shrugs. “I was kind of hoping for you to do something,” Tae chuckles. “I like Y/N a lot, but you guys seem to fit well together. When I asked her out, I knew you would probably come around, so I didn’t really expect it to go any further between us,” he explains, lacing his words with honesty. He seems relaxed and content with the result in his mind. It puts mine a bit at ease. I nod in appreciation, laying a hand to rest on his shoulder. I give it a squeeze, knowing it will carry more meaning than any word I could get myself to say. He winks at me, earning a grin from my lips, and I lean back to rest my shoulders in the relief.

[Today 15:02] Y/N: see you there

[Today 15:05] Jungkook: can’t wait

{Y/N’s POV}

“I say we just go in, and they can fend for themselves,” Jin says firmly as he leans against the car. “We’ve only waited five minutes, hyung,” Namjoon sighs, staring at his feet. Jin eyes dart up in surprise at the back-talk. “Do not talk to me about waiting, Namjoon,” Jin spits, making the group laugh. He huffs, crossing his arms and looking off into the distance, trying to will the younger ones to arrive. “Jimin just texted, saying they’re close,” Hoseok says from his spot by the unlit street light pole, leaning against one side with Yoongi leaning against the other. His back is slouched, and his hands are in his pockets. The clouds are gently shaped by the wind, teasing a darker hue from the sun’s slow disappearance. They curve elegantly and fade out by the edges. We are by the front entrance of the fairground, and the laughter and screams are distant, but present in the atmosphere. Suddenly, a familiar car approaches and Jin is the first one to straighten his awaiting position. The car is parked, and the three boys each get out one by one. Tae starts putting on his shoes, while Jimin punches Jungkook on the shoulder. “You’re such a brat!” Jimin states with a pout, making Jungkook burst out laughing. “I can’t believe you stole my seat,” he whines, and Jungkook only laughs more, causing Jimin to sigh in response. Jungkook then looks up, meeting my eyes, and his teasing grin shapes into a soft smile. “Hi,” he mouths silently to me, and I cannot help but smile back. “Do you not have anything to say?” Jin says, holding his arms crossed and brows furrowed. The boys each look at him in confusion for a second. “Jungkook made us late, he doesn’t know how to follow a map,” Jimin claims, pointing at Jungkook with shame. “I can read a map just fine, it’s Tae who doesn’t know his left from his right,” Jungkook defends, making our gaze shift to Taehyung, who is in no hurry to contradict the fact. A cheeky smile spreads across his lips in acknowledgement, showing he is not ashamed one bit. “Next time, just point the direction instead,” Tae says, feeling Jungkook’s chin, who tries to dodge his touch. “Anyways, let’s just go in,” Yoongi then says, not wanting to waste any more time than necessary.

-------------------------------

{Jungkook’s POV}

We have been at the fair for about an hour, and I keep finding myself searching for her. Even though, I know she is right here, walking among the group, I keep checking on her. What I would give to just walk next to her and hold her soft hand in mine, kissing her and making her smile. I do not want to pressure her into anything, but I really hope she feels ready to tell them soon. I hate not being able to show them she is mine. Both them and all the other guys, looking at her. She does not notice, though. She does not notice how beautiful she is, but I do. I place my hand on the camera, hanging by my hip to fight back the urge to capture her beauty. It would be too obvious, if I took pictures of her just walking around, and I really want to respect her wish to wait a bit before telling Yoongi. “If you guys want snacks, and they want to explore some more, maybe we should just split up for a while?” Hoseok suggests, receiving nods of agreement from the group. “Tae and I will find something cool to try,” Jimin says as he puts an arm on Tae’s shoulder, leaning against him. “Y/N will join us,” he adds, smiling encouragingly at her. She lifts her brows. “Uh, sure,” she then says, giving in and making him happy. She glances over at me, and I wink at her without the others noticing, which makes her blush. “We will get snacks,” I say, gesturing to Jin, who immediately is onboard. “I’ll go with them,” Namjoon says, pointing to Y/N, Tae and Jimin. Yoongi and Hoseok decides to go off to the souvenir shops, and with that the groups scatters out. I steal one last glance at her, seeing her leave with the others. I sigh at that as Jin puts his hand on my shoulder. “You’ll get her soon enough,” Jin says with a teasing glint in his eyes. I look at him, surprised by his words, before a chuckle escapes me. If only he knew, I think, amusing myself with our secret.

{Y/N’s POV}

Jimin wraps his arm around mine, pulling me close with a wide smile. “I hope you’re not mad that we dragged you away from your boyfriend,” Jimin whispers to me. I almost choke on my own spit. “W-what do you mean?” I stutter, mind going a bit wild. Did he tell them? I wonder, hoping Jungkook respected my wish of waiting. “You might as well get used to the word, Y/N. You and Jungkook will be a thing soon, I know it,” he grins proudly. I sigh relieved, knowing it is just Jimin teasing me. He might not know that Jungkook and I are already a thing, but it still surprises me that he is on to us. Tae runs up to us from behind and hooks his arm around my opposite one, caging me in between the two boys. He leans in and rests his head on my shoulder for a moment, while we walk. “But promise me that you will still go out for coffee with me, even when Jungkook owns your ass,” Tae says, making me pull back a bit. “He does not own my ass,” I mumble under my breath, but with them so close to me, they both hear it, and laugh at my useless resistance. “You’re cute, Y/N,” Tae smiles. I look around as good as I physically can, searching for the last member of our group. “Where did Namjoon go?” I ask, not able to see him anywhere. “We lost him to a booth with Ryan-stuff,” Tae says, pointing backwards casually. “He’s gonna try to win a stuffed bear to his collection,” he adds, smiling softly at the older member’s child-like nature. Suddenly, Jimin stops, pulling both Tae and I to a halt. I frown at that. “Let’s go in there,” Jimin says and tightens his grip on me from excitement. I look to where he points, and I feel a shiver down my back. It is a haunted house. I know that they do not kill you in there, but I still fear for my life. Get a grip, I scold myself, not wanting to act like a child in front of them. “I’d like to see you go in,” Tae states daringly to Jimin, not believing he can take it in the horror zone. Jimin raises his brows. “Are you trying to make me look bad in front of Y/N?” he spits, hooking his arm around Tae’s head playfully. Tae struggles to be released, but his laughter makes him weak. I shake my head, grinning at their actions. Finally, Tae escapes, running off towards the house. “Let’s go then,” he shouts, making Jimin and I rush behind.

{Jungkook’s POV}

I crack the sugar surface of my candied apple with my teeth and take a bite out of it. The sugar starts to dissolve, coating my tongue in a soft sweetness mixed with the sour taste of the fruit. Jin steps up beside me, holding his candy floss as he picks off piece by piece to place in his mouth. I reach over and pick off a piece for myself, before he can dodge away. “Hey!” he says, slapping my arm in disbelieve. “Stop stealing food from me,” he says, making me laugh. “The apple is sour,” I state, holding it up with a winced expression. He clicks his tongue. “Then you should have bought a safer choice,” he states, looking proudly at his own selection. I throw out the apple in the nearest trash and hope to steal a few more bites from Jin’s candy. “Don’t throw it out, those things are expensive,” Jin says disappointed, dropping his shoulders in a sigh. “We already ate chips, churros and ice cream in less than half an hour, I can’t eat any more,” I explain as I pick off another piece from his hand. He raises a brow at me, pointing out the dishonesty of my claim. I shrug, placing the sugar on my tongue and letting it disappear in my mouth. We walk further around on the field, until we meet Jimin and Taehyung. “Ooh, can I taste?” Jimin asks, running up to Jin. “Yes, since you ask so nicely,” Jin says, keeping his eyes locked on me. “Where’s Y/N?” I ask, discarding his judgmental gaze. Tae and Jimin both take a look around, furrowing their brows. “She must still be inside,” Tae says, gesturing to the haunted house behind him. I look up, seeing the signs and masks and blood, decorating the surface. “You left her in there?” I ask irritated. “We thought she was keeping up with us,” Jimin defends. I sigh, taking off my camera and handing it to Taehyung. “Hold this,” I say, earning a smirk from him. “Go be the hero,” he says, winking at me, and I cannot help but wonder if this was somehow planned by the evil twins. I turn and make my way towards the house, stepping in through the entrance. The light is dimmed to a low and the walls are painted with blood and decorated with plastic Halloween stuff. An audio of thunder and lightning plays, and shrieks are heard throughout the rooms. Lights are flashing, and people are laughing at each other’s fears. I scan the rooms one by one, untouched by the actors jumping out to scare me. I search for her, but she is nowhere to be found. “Y/N?” I shout out for her, hoping she is still here, so I am not making a total fool of myself. I repeat it a few times, calling out, and just as I pass a door, I sense a sound. “Jungkook?” I hear being said, a sound muffled by the door between us. I open it up, peeking my head inside. “Y/N?” I ask into the dark room, seemingly the size of a janitor’s closet. Suddenly, I feel a hand wrapping around my wrist and pulling me inside. “Jungkook,” she says happily, throwing her arms around my neck. My body relaxes in her embrace as I am finally able to touch her. I wrap my arms around her waist, holding her tight as I am consumed by her flowery scent. “I got lost in here, and I couldn’t find the boys,” she says, when she pulls back, looking up into my eyes with a hint of dread. I pull back a strand of her hair behind her ear. She seems a bit breathless, not able to shape the next words wanting to leave her mouth. I smile at her state. “So, you’re scared?” I ask teasingly, earning a scoff from her. “I’m not scared, I’m just lost,” she defends in a shaky voice, making me grin widely. “You are so scared,” I say, and she hits me on the arm, pleading for me to stop my teasing. My laughs fades, turning into softness. “Let’s get out of here,” I say, taking her hand in mine and turning around towards the door.

{Y/N’s POV}

He takes my hand and leads me through the house past the zombies and vampires. I follow quickly behind, shielding myself with him. I might be scared, but he will never get me to admit that. We finally reach the end, stepping out onto the grass in the much more comfortable atmosphere. He lets go of my hand, and for a moment I hate myself for caring what Yoongi thinks. But Yoongi is my best friend, and I would hate myself more if I hurt him carelessly. We reach the spot, where the others are gathered. Namjoon stands with his head bowed, looking down at a little stuffed bear, which he studies from all possible angles. “Y/N! You are alive,” Jimin says, running to me and wrapping his arms around me dramatically. “I’m sorry, we lost you,” he says with a pout. “It’s fine, Jimin. Jungkook got me out,” I explain, and Jimin smiles deviously at me as if he is very satisfied with the outcome. The sky has gotten significantly darker as time has passed, and the clouds are barely visible anymore. Tae notices me, studying the dark blue canvas, and looks up himself. “I want to ride the Ferris wheel,” he says, drawing attention to himself. I lock eyes with him, and his soft smile gestures that he has suggested it for my sake as if he wants to offer me a soothing moment as a gift. “Sure, let’s go,” Hoseok says, making the group walk towards the tallest ride of the fair.

[imoutofinfires]

Please Don't ~ Jaehyun

Masterlist

The wind gushed around , laughing like a child,playing with it's brothers and sisters , the sun and clouds.The warm,pleasant evening felt like it could go on forever.The grass felt like a soft bed wrapped with silky sheets.The playground was now empty , for it was almost half past 6 but the excitement that seemed to be roaming with every stranger waking by , just displayed happiness.The only thing out of place was me.Me , myself and I. The devil in each story of paradise.Sad , miserable, crying till I fall asleep ,me.It wasn't like I had no excuse to be so devastated but excuses don't replace the reality.And the reality of the situation is that no matter much i would want to seem strong , not cry and seem indifferent to every single person on planet earth until I can hop onto a different planet, I can't.I cant go around telling everyone "HEY I'M CRYING HERE FOR A REASON .I'M STRONG.THANK YOU.ENJOY YOUR DAY".

I got up from the bench half heartedly as I now felt satisfied to finally see the brightness fade into night time.As I reached the front door of my apartment, I hesitated.I hesitated for the first time and felt the tears pool up again.But if he sees me like this then I'll never forgive myself.I need to destroy him.Even if I love him.

After a much needed motivation speech which I googled on the internet, I walked in.The living room was empty.Usually I would find him sitting in he living room , talking to someone on the phone and when I would walk in , he would immediately cut the call.Then he would walk up to me, hugging me, kissing me.No matter how many times I told him , I cringe a little at the obvious storyline of fanfics, I loved it.I moved on , and checked the kitchen.Nope.I freaked out a little.Its unlike him to be cooped up in a room.What if he left and is never coming back? What if he knew that I knew ? As I rushed into the bedroom , I found him.Lighting up a candle on the shelf, along with what seemed like 50 other candles placed everywhere.There was food on the bed, from starters to desserts of our favourite food and subtle music.He looked up , to look at me and smiled.Jaehyun.

Jaehyun smiling.Oh , how pretty! His smile wasn't just any smile.It was godlike.It had grace, subtle hint of playful, his eyes forming thick moon cresents but his dimples made him look like a child.A cute, cuddly ,adorable child.

Jaehyun would usually do something like this.Whenever it felt like we were drifting away from each other, it was like him to show you his 'love'. And it was like me to believe him, trust him and follow him into a virtual paradise.But now as I saw all that he did, I couldn't help but feel this ball of mixed emotions.Was it anger ? Sadness? Foolishness?

He walked towards me, cautiously taking my hand to fold safely with his,looking into my eyes.He didn't say anything but it always felt like the two of us were meant to be.The way I could feel an atmosphere of intimacy , a connection like two opposite poles of a magnet.I always thought his eyes as pure , overflowing with emotions.But now as I looked at those pools of brown , I couldn't help but feel betrayed.Ir if possible more betrayed than I was.

He took me to the bed and started talking about all that going on right now.Whenever Jaehyun talked , he was always so passionate.He would use all these hand gestures and all these expressions.Once I remember he almost blinded me while talking about a cute puppy he found on the way back.Little did I know who the puppy belonged to.

As he picked up a macaroon , he laughed at something airing on T.V..And there I was in his arms as I tell myself , for the last time.I felt a sense of nostalgia as I recalled the first time , a few years back , of the first time of our holy tradition.Jaehyun walked into the apartment, a scene of two nervous kids.I remember, it was the first time I saw him in his Dora shirt.I still had more than 100 pictures of him in it, and swore to never wear it again.But he did anyway.Telling me off how he loved to see me laugh even if it was directed at him.Later on , when we talked a little , drank a little , felt too lazy to go out anywhere , spent time on my bed , eating the cheap macaroons.It was all so good.But now I recall how he'd constantly smile at his phone at the same time.And now , the memory shatters.

After quite sometime , Jaehyun was asleep.I got up from the bed and moved towards my suitcase.I couldn't keep this up anymore.I was never the type to take revenge or be all savage and I couldn't do it now.After all , I still, even if I didn't want to, I loved him.And he hurt me.Even if he didn't mean to.

As I pulled the suitcase to the living room , I stepped in to the bedroom , quietly to grab some documents required for me to let the landlord now , I wasn't going to be here for a while.After all , a girl still has to pay her bills.But I couldn't help the temptation to look at him , just one last time.As I stepped closer , I cupped a side of his cheek and caressed my hand on the soft , chubby part.I wasn't worried about him waking up.He was quite a deep sleeper.I couldn't help my heart aching to sink back into the aura of comfort his body gave me.I swiftly paced to the living room , wiping at the tears.I wrote a quick note , just in case he still cares or if he doesn't then atleast doesn't think of filing a missing persons report.Before I could seal it, I heard footsteps.Scared just a little, I couldn't avoid the situation now.Tears were already streaming down my face as I held my bags close and before me was him.Shocked.

He was confused at first.But then soon regained his ability to speak.

"What's all this? Why are you carrying all those suitcases and bags?", he said , an undertone of panic in his voice.

At this point even him asking such a question , after all those lies and humiliation I was fuming."Why is it that you think, Jaehyun.Am I not as dumb as you think ? Am I too dumb to figure out your secret relationship? Or were we the secret one? ", I rambled.He took a moment to process it.It felt like I could perceive his thinking.The wheels turning until it clicked and he finally understood.

" Listen to me , it isn't like what it seems-

" That's rich.Thank you for everything.Dont you have even the slightest bit of respect for me? Have you never in so many years of this relationship, forget love, but never even cared for me to atleast owe me the truth?!"

He grew silent.I could see him shaking a little,a little jumpy and a whole lot of panicky.

"Care.I love you so much.I love you, and I can't even tell you how sorry I am.I love you , I am such an idiot.I love you....please.....just...please don't leave me.", he said, seemingly fear evident in his tone.At the end of his sentence he cried.

I never knew what kind of actor Jaehyun was.It was always difficult because on some occasions , like this one, he could fool everyone while on others he couldn't lie at all.Was he acting?Is this genuine?

" How am I expected to belive you.Do you know how difficult it is for me to look at your face now and see nothing but lies.You didn't just lie to me , you used me , for the gods know what reason.Is it seriously since we started dating? You tell me you love me and you continue seeing this other person? Is that bullshit that you love both of us ?Tell me.Tell me why did I out so much effort into us? Tell me why is it that you had to make me feel so humiliated? Do you enjoy seeing me in pain ?", I screamed at him.He sat down on the floor and sobbed.

"I am so sorry.I only love you.I am dumb.I have no idea why I kept it up.I don't want to and can't make any excuses for it.But I swear , just give me another chance and I will change.You and me.Just please, give me a second chance I can't live without you.Im not lying to you.I love you.And everything about you.I haven't ever done anything in our relationship to mess with you. I did everything because I love you.Please...yoi have to believe me.I love you.So much.It hurts.", he said, sobbing.And I couldn't help it too.I cried with him.But I knew that this wasn't the right thing to do, to stay with him.It was supposed to be me and him , from the start.This isn't going to change that fact.

I wiped my tears as I got out of the house.I ran and he ran after me, profusely apologising.But it didn't matter in the end because now here I am sitting again in this taxi, heading to reality.

[inanawesomewave]

How To Date Your Sociopath

Today I’m joined by Mrs. W from the excellent Mirroring The Chameleon which is quite a heartening but also very informative, ruminative and insightful blog run by a sociopath wife and her narcissist husband. Me and Mrs. W got to talking very recently about how useful it might be to publish a cross-post that gives other people tips on how to date a sociopath with any level of success, and so we asked our respective partners to come up with five questions apiece that readers might want answering, and then we answered them. I’m not saying you should use this as a guide to ensnare your own sociopath (you haven’t thought this through, clearly), but should you find yourself smitten in the arms of an antisocial paramour, this might help you. For parity, my answers are as AW for Awesome Wave, and Mrs. W will be CM, for Chameleon Mirror.  NB - If you’ve found this blog whilst searching resources for dealing with domestic abuse and/or violence, please instead consider talking to a friend, calling the police, alerting relevant authorities. This post is intended as a guide to maintaining good mental health on both sides in a relationship with a person with ASPD, but does not advocate or insist upon any form of abuse whatsoever. If you are a victim of abuse in your relationship, this is never acceptable, and no mental illness or personality disorder is a good enough excuse for you to be abused. 

1. How do you feel about displays of affection? 
AW: I happen to be a fan of displays of affection, and I respond well to them if I feel they are sincere, but — as you might have predicted — they need to be on my terms, largely. I’m concerned quite a bit with how to behave socially, so what canoodling might be good in one social setting might infuriate and embarrass me in another, and sometimes it won’t always be easy for you to keep up with that, but my body language will normally signal to you how I’m feeling. Emotional and abstract displays of affection are how I feel like I’m seen and how I feel I can communicate to you in ways I may sometimes struggle to really express. Physical displays of affection are how I feel the most human and are vital to me. Partners have told me I place a lot of importance on sex and I do, and I’m fine with that. Without it, I start breaking down the relationship into structured compartments of intimacy. I may start to believe we are only friends, and from there, I may start to rationalise that I wouldn’t marry any of my friends. I need to be reminded that what this is transcends the rest and that you are the person I am devoting myself to, and displays of affection are the way to go. Oh, with this one caveat: don’t be insincere. I can sense insincerity with fantastic accuracy having built a life on it, and if I detect your words and actions are insincerely affectionate, then you’re not just embarrassing me, you're embarrassing yourself, and I’ll not only tell you that but make a mental note of it. 
 CM: I don’t mind displays of affection, as a rule, I find them enjoyable, when they are correctly timed… and not overwhelming. There is a difference between a “real display of affection” and a “disguised demand for affection” though. The two shouldn’t be confused. If you’re asking for affection this way, I might not be in the right frame of mind to give it to you, when I WOULD have been in the right frame of mind to receive affection. I think this is a subtle but important distinction. I said “when they are not overwhelming” before, and that might indicate that I have, very probably, a slightly lower threshold for this feeling of being smothered. It doesn’t mean that I never want to be touched, though!
 AW: Exactly, it's about finding and being respectful of that line. Which is a handy tip for all relationships, really, it's just about adjusting the dials a bit. 
CM: I agree with you that they are very much needed though, I need a hug combined with prolonged eye contact from time to time, to remind myself of what we’re really doing here. Being self-aware and open about my personality disorder has at times had the effect of eradicating romance completely from the relationship, and I do need it to remain connected. 

 2. How should we handle your momentary shows of irritation or annoyance? 
AW: On the one hand, I’d love to say: “well, just as you would with anyone else!” but let’s be real, that’s not what we’re here for. It is, however, very simple. When I’m angry, raging, annoyed, or anywhere on that spectrum of pissed off, there’s no special, secret code to crack that gets me to calm down and listen to reason. It’s not difficult. All you have to do is be as real and as rational with me as is humanly possible. Don’t let me guess anything, because you can bet I’ll guess the outcome that is least likely to happen, and most confirms my day-to-day cynicism and underlying contempt of what’s around me, the world that a relationship with you allows me to escape from, and what keeps me showing you all the time that I value you for that. If I’m in that place, and I’m outward with it, you need to show me that you hear me and you see me and you need to calmly explain to me as logically as you can why things aren’t as bad as they seem. When you have ASPD, it’s not that things are always worse in terms of having your feelings hurt, it’s things are always worse because you genuinely think you hold the secret of the world and how it functions, and it fucking disgusts you. When I’m irritated or annoyed, that’s what it comes back to. You don’t need to convince me the world’s actually a pretty nice place and people are good, but you need to convince me that here in this room, you and I have escaped that and will continue to do so. We’re a team, and I mean that. Though I might have momentarily forgotten because my loss of control in the situation has caused a blip in me. Remind me. 
 CM: The best thing to do, when you’ve noticed a slight irritation on my part, is to either ignore it or stop doing what you’re doing and hand the reins over to me. In general, it’s really nothing, it will dissipate in no time. I can be pretty reactive, but I don’t have emotional memory, I won’t stay annoyed at you for days because you haven’t been taught how to fold sheets properly. I just won’t. And I know I’m being unfair exactly 0.5 seconds into my annoyed reaction, so the best thing to do is to pretend it never happened, unless you feel I’m being too sharp too often, in which case I’ll think about it and do my best to change my ways. The worst thing to do? Question me for two hours on “what exactly annoyed me”…
 AW: God yes. Start talking to me like an idiot child, start lecturing me, or make me delve into something I don’t want to delve into and I can promise you now you will not get the reaction whatever smug professor that lives inside you wanted. You will get the opposite, I can guarantee.  

3. How should we respond if you are ever in a situation of weakness and obliged to rely on us for something? 
 AW: Just be really fucking low-key about it. Also, don’t use the word “weakness” any more. I hate that word and if you apply it to me, there and then I will go into survival mode because my antisocial brain will recode you seeing me as weak, as you sizing me up as prey. No matter how much I love you, what we’ve built together, how outwardly I adore you — if I think you’ve become my predator, I’ll want to redress the balance as quickly as I can. I’m currently 8 months pregnant and so I’ve had to rely a whole heap on my fiancée for physical and mental things I am increasingly incapable of. When there's been tension, it’s because they’ve not done things how I might have done them, which I know is unreasonable of me. If you have to carry me, if I’m in any way indisposed and need your help, don’t make a big deal out of it, and remember to always, always, always check in with me. Just because I need your help, doesn't mean I need all control taken away from me. By now, you should know that my whole deal has a lot to do with control. Mainly, I'm trying to control myself and my immediate environment. You can help with that. And remember what I said about insincerity? I can tell if you're helping me begrudgingly and I don’t like it. That makes me even weaker. 
 CM: A situation of weakness would be injury, illness, pregnancy, I suppose. Or unemployment. I think the best way of approaching it is to make sure we know for a fact that you are on our side and that you don’t resent our relying on us in any way at all. Any negative feeling tied to the situation would make me suspicious, and my mind goes overboard when it gets suspicious… Your best option, I suppose, if you want me to be comfortable with letting you help, is to spin things in such a way that I am convinced that you see yourself as some sort of heroic prince in general, and that your behaviour with me is not at all unusual for you. I might get a slight ASPD reaction to it, but it will be positive for the relationship. 
AW: I love that, about letting us see you as the person who came to save the day. I’d so much rather that than the hang-dog, weary servant routine. Nobody's making you do anything, but don't volunteer yourself and expect to gain any victimhood out of it, I can't respect that. 



4. How ought we respond to your dominance and avoid being excessively submissive? 
 AW: Don’t make assumptions. I secretly (and also not-so-secretly) despise being reminded of my natural strength and dominance by romantic partners. First of all, you’re not saying anything special when you say that, I've heard it my whole life, everyone with ASPD has. We’re sick of it. Second of all, a lot of the time, when a partner points out your strength and dominance, it feels like a back-handed, self-absolving display of never having to give a shit. I’m naturally dominant, and I won't ever get into a relationship with someone who isn’t naturally submissive, I don't believe in forcing people into roles they don't like. But just because I probably know what you want to order from the menu, just because I buy a lot of your clothes, it’s because I have your best interests at heart, and have identified that you need this in your life, and you've confirmed it to me. Do not offend me by meeting this dominance with surrender to difficult situations. I have let you on my team. Be my teammate. Fight with me. You’ll find I can and will still do 99.9% the fighting myself, but if I think you’ve lapsed into laziness with your submission, you’ll then find I’m likely to leave you out in the cold to fight off the problem on your own. Sometimes I need the dominant you, when I feel defeated, even if your dominance comes through within the strength of your submission. 
CM: “Excessively submissive” isn’t even a thing. I don’t value people who stand up to me, I don’t want any type of power play, the only power play that there is is that I am the boss. Yes, this sounds pretty bad said like that… The problem with what you call “excessively submissive”, that most people would call “subservient” and that I call “manipulative”, is the anticipation of my desires. I want my mind to be my own space. I don’t want you to guess that I will want this glass of wine, or to plan anything for me, or to interfere in any way with my thought processes or even physical freedom. If I get up, I don’t want anyone asking me what it is that I want. I am able-bodied, and I am allowed to walk around and get my own tea if I want to. If I feel lazy and want you to get my tea for me, don’t worry, you’ll know. I will never resent you for not reading my mind, I would never want that to be the case. You shouldn’t be stressing and worrying about what I want, or obsessing about me. Be yourself, live your own life, be free, all I require is someone who won’t tell me to move my own damned bum to the kitchen if I’m hungry or suddenly demand that I stop working or start voting.
 AW: I don't know if "don't crowd me" is what you're communicating here or if it's just what I'm picking up, but yeah. Don't crowd me. 
 
5. What do you want from us? What, if anything, do you need from us? 
AW: Recognition. For God’s sake, just know me. That’s all I want. I'm not impossible to know, and I live quite like an open book. When you're antisocial, you've spent your entire life observing people, and when you feel you're a natural pretender at things that come so easily to other people, you meticulously learn. Just as if you speak a language fluently that isn’t your mother tongue, you don't get to be colloquial, so you'll always stick by the laws of that country’s grammar. When we get together, there's a lot of me that already knows a lot of you, because I like you and I know your grammar, so I've learned you and our relationship will be an ongoing journey of me learning as much of you as I can, and that's something I'm not likely to get bored of. What I need is for you to learn me too, and remember that I don't understand the colloquialisms too well, I've not had the privilege to fall into them. I think a narrative that often gets applied to the sociopath, consciously or subconsciously, is that we are something of a lone wolf, a misunderstood loner, keeping our cards close to our chests, frightened of human connection. That’s bullshit, to be frank. Okay, maybe we're not pack animals, but we're still humans. We cry, we hurt, things feel painful to us, we get intimidated. Show me that you know me by respecting me and loving me in the ways you have learned that I need in order to thrive in this relationship. I should not have to constantly tell you who I am and what I need. I will get bored of that, and the lone wolf you see in me will prowl off and forget your name like you were nothing. Make the choice. You could be everything if you wanted. 
 CM: I want the same thing anyone wants from a relationship, with a few added bonuses -- Regular things like having a friend to laugh with and share silly TV shows, conversations and companionship. And sex, of course, I quite enjoy sex. Less regular things perhaps: a minimum of acceptance of the fact that whatever happens, I was right. Except for that time where I was perhaps, ok, wrong, but as a rule, I’m right, so don’t question me just for the heck of it. I personally need understanding. I need to know that you won’t freak out every time I sigh or raise an eyebrow, because you know that I am a Good Person™. I need you to know not to keep pushing me when I suddenly seem too calm for what this fight would suggest, because you remember than I can be a Monster™… and I’m trying not to be like that with you because I am a Good Person™…. I want you to remember who I am and love me. 
AW: This is so important. We’re really trying, don’t test that. That's not fair. Don’t make us into the masturbatory, semi-evil fantasy you've created out of us, we're just trying to get on with shit and largely go as undetected as possible. If you deliberately want the sociopath in us to come screaming out of our ribcages, go pay someone to live out that role-play, we’re not here to perform for you. 

6. What’s the best reassurance that we aren’t trying to pull away from you, in times when we seem at cross-purposes? 
AW: This is one of the rare times I will allow myself and my disorder to be infantilised. Sometimes, you have to remember, you’re dealing with someone with the innate emotional literacy of a child, and therefore reassurance needs to be extremely plain, neutral, and unmistakable for anything else. What sets in when I believe you might be pulling away from me is genuine fear — not of abandonment, but of mistrust, and that I could not trust the optimism and joy you initially imbued me with. I am always waiting to have it confirmed to me that people are trash, and you are probably the biggest thing that stops me from thinking that. All you need to do is remind me as often as you can that we are a team, a united front, a partnership, and we are equals. You’re no better than me and I am no better than you. Remind me always of our togetherness and, if needs be, remind me why I decided to enter into this deal in the first place, and though it’s unfortunate wording, it is a deal: this is all a transaction, an ongoing one until either we die or this ends. It’s highly likely I just need my memory jolting, and I know it’s hard to, but please don’t take that too personally. It’s not you, it’s literally everyone. And, once again, don’t pretend to pull away to elicit my reaction. I’ll know. I’ll hate it. And then I'll do something you hate. Transaction complete. 
 CM: I think I can honestly say that I have never had the feeling that someone was pulling away from me. I have heard “ok then I am leaving, this relationship is over” and still not felt that anybody was pulling away from me. If anything, I take it as a sort of manipulative cry for attention, which I then proceed to ignore, because I can be a bit proud and tend to get emotionally cold when I am annoyed with someone. Reassurance is itself a term that I probably process differently than a normal person would. Needing to be reassured is a very rare thing for me, but even when I might need it, I don’t know if there is a way of doing it without triggering my “Do you think I need you?” response. Reassuring me that you are not turning against me, that you’re on my side and not just by my side, that what I want is what you want, and that whatever happened was not intentional could work, but it would probably have to be shown through actions and, failing that, by giving me a clear sense of when and how you will start taking action to the end of showing me that you also want us to be a team. 
AW: Actions really do speak louder than words. Don't be the partner who will just say anything. We remember what you said and, as sociopaths, we prefer action to anything else. Also, as sociopaths, we remember everything, including that time you said you'd do that thing even though we never asked you to, but now you mention it, why haven't you done it? It’s only you who is martyring yourself here, and that's likely how we'll see it. 
CM: I might have failed to understand the exact meaning of the question asked, because my current relationship really doesn’t involve such dynamics. There are way too many times at which I wonder if my partner has turned against me for me to be able to fully recline and trust this way. We’re working on changing this, and he is making tremendous efforts, even though it is a slow process.


7. What would be most helpful for you, in trying to help you see the other side of a situation, without giving you the impression of disagreement? 
 AW: Neutral tones. Don't shout, don't be meek, be neutral. Leave emotions at the door, if you can, really try your best. And the rest is easy, and won't need a long paragraph from me: break down the mechanics of empathy to me, because it’s safe to assume that I haven't considered to involve empathy into this situation. You might need to go the long way around, so instead of saying: “how do you think that person feels?”, or even: “how do you think I feel?”, try instead: “how would you feel if you were in [situation that directly applies to me and is similar to the one you need me to understand]”. We are not completely incapable of empathy, it's just that we need to actively flick that switch, and the process is longer. But it’s there, and if you appeal to it in the right way, we can access it and use it just like anybody else. 
 CM: I see where this question is coming from. There are different ways of approaching this depending on how critical the situation in question is. If we are talking about a simple situation that I have seemingly too critical or black and white a view of, I think it is possible for you to simply give me your take on it, we can absolutely, as far as I am concerned, disagree about things, we are different people, we can debate. The key word would then be debate: if you insert a moral judgement into the mix, I might stop taking your view seriously. The problem doesn’t stem from the fact of disagreeing, it stems from having either solid of faulty arguments. Too many faulty arguments will after a while lead me to thinking that you are just being dishonest. Raising your voice, saying intensely emotionally-charged things as if they were supposed to prove your point, those simply don’t work. If you remain factual, you can convince me that I had missed something and I’ll smile about it. It is the underlying smell of manipulation emanating from dishonest arguments that provoke explosions. In a critical situation when I am in complete calculation overdrive, it’s best not to interfere. If you have facts that could prove to me that I am not in the right or that the situation is not as critical as I think it is, then by all means give them to me, don’t be afraid of my snappiness if you are absolutely certain that you are right. If you are not, leave me be, I might either cool off or take action, but I just need the calculation to make sure I know what I am doing.
 AW: Nobody likes a point-prover, and we don’t like to have our patience tested. Come on, we’re all adults, here. Also, “calculation overdrive” couldn’t be more perfectly worded. That happens, at some point, that’s going to happen. 

8. What are some signs and symptoms that you need us to pull you out of a behaviour pattern you may later regret? 
 AW: I’m glad you said this, because it recognises how capable of regret we are. Remorse, less so — but regret — absolutely. And that regret can be me regretting that time I said that horrible thing to you that was a bit too personal and kind of disgustingly exploitative of me, or it can be me regretting that time I was at that dinner party ten years ago and I said “change my tact” instead of “change my tack” and have never stopped feeling embarrassed about. I’m not wholly aware of what in me changes when I’m in something of a deeply antisocial mode, but introspection and quietness I guess are predictors. I’ll either start slowly plotting revenge or I’ll want revenge in a quick flash of rage, something might remind me of the person who crossed me and I'll need to settle the score there and then. So give me a minute to cool off. Sociopaths aren't long-term goal orientated for the most part. I’ll move onto something else. And if I don’t, then I really meant it, and I’ll have considered it very carefully and covered all bases, and in that case, don’t worry. Maybe even involve yourself if you want, hey, why not. However, If I've stopped communicating with you, that's a sign. Not even a sign that I'm mad at you, but something big is on my mind. Mainly, you’ll see I'm running away both with and from myself. Like a balloon, I’ll want you to grab hold of my string before I drift off into the stratosphere. Bring me down to earth, remind me that you're here and it's good. 
 CM: For me, those include mainly vengeance and lack of attention to my own health. About the former, there isn’t a thing you could do, I might drop it all by myself though. The signs are generally a cold rage followed by unexpected glee and once this is in motion, I am not sure how anyone could do anything, only I could, and I often do. The latter is actually something I am open about needing help for. I am the type of person who will let a UTI develop into full blown pyelonephritis without uttering a sound about it. This is an attitude I have also observed in autistic people, and I think the key there is to treat us like very susceptible and snappy autistic people. You should ask what’s wrong if I seem a little too silent and motionless. If I can’t answer you, and just mumble rudely, call a doctor. If I snap and say “fuck off, I don’t know”, call a doctor. We might just have no idea how to express pain appropriately, but call a doctor. Ignore all rudeness, just help. Of course, there’s boredom. How could someone stir me away from whatever I am doing to stave off boredom without me feeling like they’re pissing in my cereal? I’m not sure. Suggest less dangerous activities perhaps? Take me bungee-jumping, redirect! That could work. Telling me that I “must be bored” to be acting this way and that “this is annoying for YOU” clearly doesn’t….
 AW: Oh that’s really good, yes, we are quite perilously prone to boredom. Give us something else to do that might reward us, we’re not only motivated by greed and power. We also like snacks and jokes. 
 CM: Yes, one cannot say this enough: snacks and jokes. 

9. How does one contribute positivity in times when it is hard for you to see it? 
 AW: Here comes some romance. You are the positivity in my life. I'm with you for a good reason, and that reason is that you light everything up, and make me happy. I don't just date anyone, and the reason I’m spending all this time with you is because I’m in love with you and the happiness and contentment you have brought into my life. Be that happiness and contentment, and be the beacon in the fog. Everyone else falls into mist, but you’re what I'm coming home to. Remind me of what we've built, and remind me too why you fell in love with me. I will come back to you, and your love will bring me back to myself, when I’m re-convinced of it in moments where I don’t feel I’m capable of it, because I'm in a world that can't produce or sustain it. 
CM: I generally respond well to jokes. Of course, not everybody’s like me. If you want me to be light-hearted, just be light-hearted, I’ll follow suit. I rarely have times when I can’t see the positive aspect of life, I am generally more positive than the people around me, but in times when it is not the case, remind me of it. We’re just a speck of dirt on a little rock, why should we worry about anything? 
AW: The sociopathic sense of humour I find is very dry and sarcastic, like a drag queen who isn’t trying to draw attention to herself. I would so much rather laugh with you than simmer at you. 
 CM: I’ve once cracked up in the middle of an argument when my partner suddenly came to his senses and made me laugh… it’s entirely possible, if you just take a step back.
 AW: I’ve told partners too that this is possible, I have indeed laughed mid-row and it’s melted the tension away. But understandably, this is a very high-risk move for the faint of heart. 10. How do your feelings of love differ, in your view, from the culturally-received norm? How are they the same? 
AW: What’s the same? I want a partner, a companion, a lover, all the basic tenets of relationships and their values remain the same, I feel. What’s different? What’s different is I can do better, I want better for you, we can do better. Sociopaths don’t half-arse love when we mean it, we dive headlong into it and often, the loyalty and adoration you will feel from a sociopath is the most consistent, honest and life-affirming you will feel, and none of it is a front. If we’re in it, we’re really fucking in it. I don’t know if this is ASPD but it seems to be a pervading pattern I’ve had with all my relationships, and that is, put simply: I believe we’re better than everyone else. There’s always going to be a small overspill of narcissism inside the sociopath, and here I believe it is healthy. I don’t want to be like all the other couples you know who seem to kind of really fucking hate each-other. I don’t want either of us to settle. That’s not to say I expect anything grandiose or even public about how we love each-other, but I’m in it for the long-haul and I’ve brought snacks for the journey. From a partner, I expect mutual loyalty, respect, and utmost honesty and transparency. My feelings of love are that maybe I’ve not had enough of it, or maybe it’s been misdirected into something sinister, and now’s the time I get to control how I am loved. That doesn’t mean I want to control you, it means that if you don’t feel the same, I’d rather walk away. I won’t feel I’ve lost anything. If losing you feels to me like it would be a profound loss, we’re going to be fine. 
CM: There are different types of love already among NTs. They love their pets, their friends, their lovers and their children all differently. I think I love my partner mainly as a friend with whom I “click” on an intellectual basis, and I expect the same friendship in return. I don’t really get the “closeness” that people speak of, because it doesn’t seem to involve a better quality of friendship, if anything, it’s less respectful. I integrate this as “special-unit-friendship-with-sex”, and to me it does include the same level of respect as you see in friendship. The respect for my freedom (I will respect other people’s boundaries regarding exclusivity though, but only willingly) is essential. Freedom of movement and thought. From that basis, I think I can start to value you a lot more than I value anyone else, and trust you (and, if you’re trustworthy, be trustworthy). Does this compare at all to NT love? I am not sure. I think there is a difference in the notion of romantic self-sacrifice, which to me is now very frightening. I am not saying I am unable to feel this way, I have made myself feel this way in the past, but I don’t think I am built to withstand that type of emotion for very long before self-destructing.
 AW: It’s important to distinguish any neurodivergence from the neurotypical experience, I think, because our worlds are profoundly different. But what it all comes down to, in terms of us and “everyone else”, is we’ve had to keep an eye on our actions, words, thoughts, all of our lives, as outsiders. When we notice other people haven’t had to do that, it can be deeply offensive to us. If you expect us to have a strict moral code and to amend how we act and react, why the hell shouldn't you? 
CM: What you said about a relationship being the one space in which the world isn’t as shitty as it is outside of it (my rephrasing skills are terrible) rings true to me. There is something to be said about being honourable, devoted, trustworthy and generally loving in a relationship with us. It is the one space where we can enjoy that freely. Of course, as you said, once our partner has shown themselves to be unworthy, it’s over, whether we remain or leave. That might be why so many NTs are so taken aback by our leaving. If I’m leaving you, it’s probably because I’d left you in my head a while back, and you never knew.

So, there you have it. Handy tips on how to date your high-functioning sociopath. Again, I must clarify that abuse of any kind within a relationship is unacceptable. This post is all about mutual respect and understanding. On the same note, please do not enter into a relationship with anyone with any kind of goal that you will push this person to their limits. In fact, do not enter into any kind of relationship that insists you behave outside of your own moral constraints, or asks the same of the other party/parties.  Thanks. 

[myrrhiel]

,,99,, ,,94,, ,,93,, ,,92,, ,,85,, ,,84,, ,,77,, ,,76,, ,,74,, ,,73,, ,,71,, ,,70,, ,,66,, ,,59,, ,,58,, ,,56,, ,,55,, ,,54,, ,,53,, ,,47,, ,,46 ,,41, , ,,30,, ,,24,, ,,23,, ,,12,, ,,11,, ,,10,, ,,5,, ,,3,, ,,2,, ,,1,, (and im sorry if it's too much!! but i really want to get to know her!!)

Sorry it took me so long! Thank you for the ask!

1. What is your full name?• Her full name is Sanura Jaouhari.

2. Zodiac sign?•Scorpio

3. In detail, describe how they look.• Sanura is a petite dark skinned, 5’1 woman with teal colored hair in a braid and light lavender colored eyes. A dust of freckles cover her nose and cheeks. She has an endomorph body type with a round face, plush cheeks and upturned shaped eyes. She doesn’t wear makeup.

5. What clothes do they like to wear?• Sanura loves wearing casual clothing that makes it easy to travel, so simplistic clothing like shorts are most comfortable for her. She’s never been the type of individual to enjoy wearing clothing like dresses or skirts.

10. How old are they?• 26 years old

11. What do they smell like?• Grass (she sneaks off a lot to the forest) and her favorite aromatherapy scent peppermint

12. What are their four trinkets?• Her periwinkle mirror with silver trimming that is slightly cracked, her musical instrument (which is basically a blue and silver ocarina), a faded journal written in Verusian and Jaoh, her peoples language that she has forgotten that also has a lot of missing pages torn from its spine, and an tin box of peppermint herbs.

23. What is their favorite color?• Light shades of blue

24. What is their least favorite color?• Sanura hates the color red. It’s too… eccentric, in her opinion.

30. What are they afraid of?• Sanura’s biggest fear is allowing herself to be emotionally vulnerable and let herself have genuine connections, which is also why she is easily agitated when people wish to know her better. She’s paranoid of getting taken advantage of or hurt by others.

41. How many languages could they speak before the memory loss? How many do they currently speak?• Prior to the memory loss, Sanura was able to speak the Verusian language and the language of her nomadic people, Jaoh. Since the loss of her memories, the language of her people is lost to her, and now she only knows the Verusian language, thanks to Asra.

46. Idiosyncrasies?• Nope, none

47. How do they act when they first meet someone new? How quickly do they warm up to them?• Sanura keeps newcomers at a distance, but makes sure that she isn’t being too unfriendly with her greeting. She’s pretty courteous and well mannered, but new people can easily detect her greetings lack the subtle friendliness one would see in her interactions with Asra. She’s pretty observant, so it isn’t unusual to find Sanura staring at the newcomer with a guarded, yet curious expression; she’s also the type to follow her gut feeling, so first impressions are a very important thing with her. It takes her a while to fully warm up to a person, but don’t expect her to be open with her feelings or thoughts any time soon; she’s not even that way with Asra yet and she’s been with him since the beginning of her amnesia. (Luckily the two of them have been together for long enough that Asra’s gotten pretty good at figuring out what’s on her mind)

53. What kind of bad habits do they have?• Despite having a pretty good grasp on her emotions, Sanura has to be careful about letting her true feelings slip when she gets deep into her own thoughts because she has a bad habit of talking out loud to herself. She’ll get so engrossed in her own thoughts that she’ll just blurt out whatever is on her mind. Another bad habit is that she always tries to solve her own problems, even if the problems are too great a burden for her to take on alone. In her clan, Sanura learned at a young age that those from this clan weren’t always welcomed by townspeople, so she isn’t always trusting or open to asking for help for that particular reason.

54. What kind of character faults do they have?• Sanura has her natural pessimistic attitude and distain for humans that leads her to isolating herself, even though deep down she crave intimacy and friendship. Due to her background she struggles with making connections, which is why she ends up retreating to the solitude and silence of nature often, losing herself in her own head. In her own words, she “feels like she’s an outsider looking in to a world where she doesn’t belong”. Because of the Clan she comes from (a group of nomadic people who were vilified by others), she tends to regard people with distrust immediately and always expects the worst from people, refusing to see that not all people are out to cause her harm.

55. What’s their best trait in their opinion?• In Sanura’s own words, she would have to say her intuition is her best trait. When she gets a solid feeling in her gut, she sticks to it no matter what, and so far her intuition has yet to fail her or lead her astray.

56. What do they think of their appearance?• Sanura isn’t too caught up in her own appearance (which most people don’t believe since she carries around a mirror even though the mirror is for magical purposes). She doesn’t think she’s ugly or beautiful, just plain. And that’s fine by her.

58. Who did they look up to as a kid?• Sanura had an older cousin named Xun that she looked up to. He was basically her role model.

59. How do they interact with kids?• Sanura doesn’t particularly care for. While she doesn’t enjoy the loudness that comes with kids, she isn’t too bothered by their presence and can deal with him for a short amount of time.

66. How do they express affection?• Casual affection is something difficult for her, but when she does express affection, Sanura is a gentle attentive person. She’ll do actions such as kiss the tips of their fingers (a gesture of respect), or rest her forehead against the other person’s forehead (a gesture of trust) or press kisses to the palm of their hands and inside of their wrist (gestures seen as very intimate in her clan). She’ll also use a soft tone with the person she is displaying affection to.

70. Do they like sweets?• Sanura is almost embarrassed to admit that she’s got a bit of a sweet tooth.

71. Do they drink alcohol? If they do, what do they act like when they’re drunk?• Sanura definitely enjoys a drink once in a while, but she is not a fan the stuffy loud atmosphere of bars. Sanura is a lightweight and tends to get more hostile and more volatile when drunk, and it’s not unusual for her to find herself in a bad situation.

73. What food would they refuse to eat?• Sanura absolutely would refuse to eat meat, seeing how she’s a vegetarian.

74. Is there anything they eat that most people would find unappealing?• not particularly? She eats a lot of vegetables and fruits and nuts since she doesn’t eat meat.

76. What meal gives them a sense of nostalgia?• Roasted cacti leaves

77. What do they do when no one’s around?• Sanura is a flighty person, so when nobody’s around, she takes off in search of discovery. If by chance she decides to stay at the shop or isn’t in the mood for an adventure, her alone time is spent practicing magic, playing her ocarina, or trying to read the pages that are still intact in the journal.

84. What’s the worst thing someone has said to them?• “Oh, you learn parlor tricks from a guy like that? Why waste your time learning dumb illusions with him when you could spend your time with me?” There’s few things that get under her skin; however, nothing irritates her more than people insulting magic; she takes special pride in her learnings and she takes even more pride in Asra being her teacher, so insulting him and magic is a quick way to find yourself facing her wrath.

85. What is the strangest things they’ve ever come across?• Strangest item that Sanura ever came across was an enchanted collar that allowed the user to take on an anthropomorphic form. She couldn’t resist buying it and Asra makes fun of the fact that the animal she turns into is a black cat.

92. Do they know how to win a fight?• Well, she IS a magician herself, so of course she knows how to win a fight; with magic.

93. Are they good at hand to hand combat? • Definitely not.

94. Have they ever stolen something?• Sanura has definitely stolen to survive, and she has no qualms stealing again if necessary to her surivival.

99. What Disney character would they be?• Any Disney Character? Well, it’s hard to pinpoint a character that accurately describes Sanura.

[artificialqueens]

Moments (Sashea) - H

AN: Thank you so much to anyone who took time to read the first chapter, I’m sending you virtual hugs, thank you! I hope you enjoy the second chapter.

Summary: a collection of moments and memories, a journey through Shea and Sasha’s emotions as their relationship develops.

Chapter 2

A few months had passed since the finale of RuPaul’s Drag Race, all of the Queens finally able to spend more time together in public without the need to hide their friendships, and as out of character as it could seem, it had become a habit of Shea to find herself in Sasha’s apartment, late at night, watching her dance in her pajamas to silly songs, little Vanya playfully barking at her feet.

“Yes! Swing them tiny hips!” Shea would laugh and howl as Sasha fake modeled her weirdest hats and headpieces, bursting into laughter herself when she would put them on Shea’s head as well.

They would spend most nights like that, just being silly until early in the mornings, and Shea loved seeing this side of Sasha, one that not everybody had the privilege to see, because Sasha was smart and poised and analytical and deep, and that’s what gave her strength.

Thinking, that’s what she was good at, what she was going to wear on her sleeve in front of everybody.

Everybody but Shea.

With her, Sasha didn’t need to think, didn’t need to prove anything, she could just let go.

Obviously, it went the same for Shea, who now felt completely comfortable to show up at Sasha’s house with just a tooth brush and a t-shirt, knowing she would have a place to stay the night when she was feeling bored, or lonely. Knowing she would have warm hugs, soft skin and a bright smile welcoming her at any time, with or without an explanation.

The chemistry that had blossomed in a matter of days during the shooting of the show was now stronger than ever, their relationship having slowly but enormously grown over the last year, with the two of them getting closer and closer, constantly gravitating towards each other, some part of their bodies always touching, be it knees brushing under the table, holding hands, or full hours of cuddling on Sasha’s sofa, an intimacy that now came naturally to the both of them.

But the first time Shea had gone to Sasha’s house had actually been for work, the place that now held so many memories being nothing but a way to escape the media, back then, only a couple weeks after shooting the show.

“You know I’m gonna feature all of you season 9 girls in my magazine, right?” Sasha had asked during one of their soon to be many Skype calls. “I want to do a photo shoot with you actually, why don’t you come over and we can plan it out? No one will see us if we meet at my place.” Shea pretended to be thinking about it. “Okay girl, but only if you make me find cookies and ice-cream.”

And she did.

They spent the day talking Drag, picking out outfits, smiling. Shea had felt so at ease, her chemistry with Sasha coming back full force in a matter of seconds.

Some time passed after that, phone calls frequent between them, until Shea moved to New York, and that was when the meetings started to increase, them getting more and more familiar with each other, until they started hanging out together way more often than just having work dates.

Shea’s crush on Sasha was growing day by day, to the point where she would find the most ridiculous excuses to see her: “Hey, I’m not sure how to finish this song, can we brain storm at yours tomorrow morning?” or “Girl, I don’t know which earrings I wanna wear, can I come over and show you?” Just to spend time with her, hear her voice, get lost in her ideas, and her eyes, hoping and praying to not be pushing it when she started showing up almost every day.

But Sasha would never tell her no, and every time, Shea would find a different flavor of ice-cream on the table.

The first time she had stayed the night though, it was for accident.

“Shit.” Shea had cursed under her breath.

“What’s wrong?” Sasha sat up a little straighter, always the collected one, even with eyes just as red as the younger’s. It was one of their “chill days” where they would just hang out with a glass of wine and a couple of blunts, although Shea had lost count of how many she had smoked that night, and the glasses of wine had definitely been more than one.

She looked at the New Yorker straight in the eyes and “I lost my shoes” she deadpanned.

Sasha laughed, one of her warm, deep, almost purr-like laughs that immediately made Shea feel even more drowsy.

“You do realize they’re still next to the door where you left them when you came in, right?” Shea only blinked in response. “How high even am I?”

Sasha hummed, as if reading her thoughts, then went through her wardrobe and handed her a t-shirt.  “Let’s just go to sleep, neither of us is fit to drive right now, stay over tonight, hm?”

Shea didn’t remember much of anything else from then on, it was all a blur of Sasha’s deep voice directing her steps, Sasha’s hands helping her change, Sasha’s laugh, Sasha’s smile, Sasha’s smell.

She woke up with Sasha cuddled up in her arms, still sound asleep, peaceful, beautiful.

Shea just stayed there, staring at her sleep for a while, until she saw her open up her eyes, a tiny smile creeping up her lips.

“Lurking much?” Sasha teased, half stretching, legs still entwined is Shea’s.

If any one of them had noticed, neither said anything.

“Nah bitch, I was just enjoying you being quite for once.” Shea joked. She cleared her throat: “I’m sorry for crashing here” she said in a more serious tone, events from the previous night coming back to her, suddenly making her feel uneasy.

“I’ve bothered you enough, I should go home”.

In a moment of self doubt and embarrassment, Shea couldn’t help but feel stupid, getting half drunk at Sasha’s house, invading her space, making such a fool of herself.

It was supposed to be a lay back, hang out for a couple hours and go home day, not a lose control and make your friend take care of you night, how could she assume that Sasha would have been okay with this? What if she didn’t want Shea to stay the night? What if she didn’t feel as comfortable with her as Shea did?

Sasha, though, literally wined.

“Nooo, it’s not even morning yet.” She turned to fully face Shea and held her even closer, snuggling up with her face in the crook of her neck “Go back to sleep.”

Completely taken aback, Shea found herself stuck staring at the person in her arms once again. What did this mean? Had Sasha’s high not worn off yet? Was this just a display of her natural friendliness?

Did she want to be with Shea the same way Shea wanted to be with her?

She had been asking herself the same questions over and over again for a long time: “Should I text her or will she find me oppressive?” – “Am I being around too much? Will she get tired of me?” – “Am I getting too ahead of myself? Maybe she’s just genuinely being friendly.”

So many times Shea had wanted to ask Sasha on a date, a real date, only to be stopped by the fear of messing it up, of reading signs that weren’t there, mistaking Sasha’s closeness for something that it wasn’t, ruining their friendship, scaring her away, but this, right now, was her moment, so be it the buzz from last night’s weed or be it the shock, she decided, for once, to leave paranoia out and just live.

Her instinct was screaming at her, this is what she had wanted for so long, being this close to the person she was undeniably falling so hard for, the person she had wanted to be this close to for months now.

So she held Sasha tighter and relaxed.

The last thing she heard was Sasha’s soft whisper: “You can crash here anytime you want.”

And she held her to it.

They started having full blown sleepovers almost every weekend after that one night, any possible residual distance between them officially disappearing over the next couple of months, Sasha’s apartment becoming a sort of free world where only the two of them existed.

And there they were now, Shea clapping her hands to the 80’s rock song Sasha was freely dancing to while making the bed for the both of them.

Thinking back on how scared and paranoid Shea was at the beginning of her crush on the New Yorker made her want to laugh now.

There was no denying there was something between them, something beyond just a close friendship. Shea had never felt the way she did around Sasha with anyone. She had never craved anyone so much.

And the signs from Sasha weren’t subtle either. She was different with Shea. Not that she wasn’t herself with other people, but there was this invisible switch that flipped every time they were together, and suddenly Sasha seemed to be free of any inhibitions, getting all touchy-feely and dorky in a way that Shea had learned seemed out of character to everybody else because Sasha was not comfortable presenting herself like that to them, showing the younger Queen a level of carelessness and affection she didn’t show anyone else.

Also, Shea was glad they had gotten so intimate because Sasha was now slightly swaying her hips in just her boxer briefs, and as much as Sasha complained about it, to Shea that bubble butt looked just fine.

Although, to Shea every part of Sasha was fine, perfect even. She wanted her, she wanted her mind, her body, all of her little quirks and strange habits, her, her, her.

She pushed that thought away, now wasn’t the time.

“I’m going to put Vanya to bed” Sasha said. “It’ll be a minute” she joked as she went to the living room, her small dog following close behind.

Shea decided to take a moment to look around the bed room.

She had been in that apartment so many times she could easily walk around it with her eyes closed, knowing where everything was, having spent many nights there, having made Sasha many thank-you breakfasts, and having admired every single picture and painting the artsy queen had hung on every wall, yet every once in a while something new would catch her attention.

Under the bed, just a corner of it peeking out, laid what appeared to be a large black book.

Sasha liked to have all of her material neatly organized, so that definitely looked out of place.

“You look concentrated.” Sasha’s deep voice pulled Shea out of her thoughts.

“What’s that?” She asked, unable to hold her curiosity, pointing to where the book was. She looked at the other and bit her lip. Sasha was silent, slightly frowning, looking anywhere but at the object.

She was stalling.

Shea was about to apologize, tell her that she didn’t have to talk about anything she didn’t want to, but Sasha broke the silence before she could.

“If you could grab it for me I’ll show you.” Shea didn’t miss the hesitation in her voice, the way it had suddenly gone quieter and lower, but she reached for the book and set next to Sasha on the bed.

The bald Queen had visibly tensed up, sitting a bit straighter, with her hands crossed, resting right between her knees, a position she would often assume when she got nervous.

Shea carefully started going through the pages. It was a sketch book, full of beautiful comics, drawings, some unfinished, some full of color, some only drawn with pencils.

“This is where I keep my more impulsive drawings.” Sasha started explaining. “They’re usually the ones inspired by intimate emotions, mostly sadness. It’s where I find inspiration for a lot of my stage numbers actually, I take those feelings and ideas and transform them in my unique queer way, you know?” she laughed nervously “I just tend to pour the raw pain and emotions on the page first.”

One thing Shea had learned about Sasha was how sincere about her emotions she always was, but in a very Sasha-like meticulous way so that she could always choose exactly how to show them to people. This in her hands didn’t feel like something Sasha had ever chosen to show people.

For a moment, Shea felt like an intruder.

“I think these are beautiful, and I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to make you feel like you had to show me something you wanted to keep to yourself.”

Sasha inhaled, a sign she was taking her time to think about what Shea had just told her. She then gave her hands a little squeeze. “No, it’s okay, if anyone is going to have access to this part of my mind, I’m glad it’s you.”

They both just sat there end embraced for a couple of minutes after that, and it was upon feeling Sasha’s heartbeat match the speed of her own against her chest that it hit Shea.

She hadn’t intruded, it was Sasha who had let her in.

She could have shut her out, Sasha was very capable of saying no, she was just as honest with what she felt comfortable sharing as she was with what she didn’t feel comfortable sharing, yet she had allowed Shea to see another layer of her heart, stepping out of her own limits just to let Shea in.

Shea felt honored, to be able to hold in her hands something as pure and precious as Sasha’s heart, and she was going to treasure every single piece of it she was ever going to receive.

So in that moment, with Sasha’s heart in her hands and Sasha in her arms, she realized that her crush hadn’t been just a crush for a while now. She realized how much having Sasha in her life meant for her, and how much she wanted nothing more than to be a part of hers.

Because she was in love with her.

Because she wanted to let Sasha hold her heart, too.

Because now was the time.

In that moment, with her own heart about to burst, Shea knew she was going to tell her.

And she did.

…

AN: Thank you so much for reading this, I hope you enjoyed it, I’d love to know what you think, leave a review, let me know if you liked this or not, and if you’d like to read the rest, it would mean a lot. Have a lovely day, ciao!

H.