#i always get so nervous starting over again

[beenbaanbuun]

guard dog w/ jeong yunho

pt2

you live in a shitty apartment in a shitty neighbourhood surrounded by shitty neighbours who seem to make it their life’s work to make your life a living hell

the guy that lives across from you is an aspiring dj, emphasis on aspiring

unfortunately with him working the late shift at his supermarket job, it means he likes to practice late into the night

after the first 5 noice complaints, you just gave up trying to get a decent night sleep; part of you thinks he carried on just as one giant ‘fuck you’

the family that live upstairs aren’t great either

the son—timmy? tommy? who cares—thinks it’s fun to sit on the stairs with his buddies and smoke anything they can get their hands on

your air freshener is the only thing keeping you from losing your mind at them! well, that and the fact that quite frankly him and his friends terrify you

they watch you carefully as you make your way down the stairs, pushing through their congregation with a tight lipped, overly polite smile on your face

usually they don’t say a word, giving you little more acknowledgment than a hum as you thank them for barely making enough room for you to push through them

they make you nervous, you can’t deny that, and half of you thinks that’s the whole point

it’s like it’s some sort of strange power play to keep you from complaining to his parents, or worse, the landlord

not exactly a threat, but not not one

maybe it’s those nerves that made you open up to your friend one day

you’d met up with him at a local cafe, offering to pay for his coffee if he gave you half of the sandwich he’d brought with him

“they just spook me a little, y’know?” you mumble as a few crumbs topple over your bottom lip and onto your chin, “it’s a group of 10 over-grown teenage boys; it’s fucking intimidating!”

mingi just nods along, a small frown on his face as he listens to you complain about your living conditions for what seems like the millionth time

he gets it; moving is expensive, especially in the city, and you need to stay relatively close to where you work since you don’t have a car

it doesn’t mean he has to like it, though

“what about a guar—”

“a guard dog?” you cut him off, “mingi, we’ve had this conversation so many times before!”

it’s the truth; it seems like every single time you see him he brings up the same suggestion; scary dog privileges can get you very far in life according to you friend

“too mentally ill to look after another life, sure,” he reiterates the same point you make every single time, “but what about a hybrid?”

again, it feels like you’re in a constant loop of deja vu, destined to relive this conversation over and over again until you can finally afford to move out of that shit hole

“i can’t aff—”

“—afford a hybrid, yeah i know,” you roll your eyes as he finishes your sentence; jesus, he’s annoying, “but what if i told you i knew a guy?”

it sounds suspicious, but you won’t lie and say you’re not a little curious

perhaps you’re just a little too nosy to not lean in a little closer with a brow cocked a question of ‘who?’ primed on your tongue

“can’t say,” is all mingi says, “he doesn’t like people poking around in his business.”

he says it so nonchalantly as if he’s not your best friend who’s just announced that he knows someone who is almost definitely into some dodgy shit

you’d be a bad friend if you didn’t ask at least a few questions, but before you can even open your mouth, mingi beats you to it

“£200 will get you a hybrid though,” you almost choke on the sandwich at the price; this is some seriously dodgy guy if he’s selling hybrids for that little, “£300 if you start laying down preferences.”

“mingi,” you begin, about to beg him to get out of whatever business he’s getting himself involved in

“i’m assuming it’s a no?” he raises an eyebrow; you don’t even have to nod for him to understand your answer

he concedes, throwing his hands up in surrender like he always does whenever you have this conversation

still, the smirk on his face as the conversation moves onto something else doesn’t fill you with the upmost confidence

a week passes by rather quickly; you work, you come home, you go about your evenings as normal, you sleep

nothing seems any different, and why would it? nothing about your life ever really changes without some sort of built up or expectation

and then your doorbell rings

you assume it’s just your neighbour again, around at yours to ask you some sort of stupid question that could easy be solved using a single braincell and google

you trudge to the door with a sour look on your face and a bitterness already growing on your tongue, just to swing it open to see… not your neighbour

not anyone you recognise for that matter

your gaze travels up from the chest you stand eye-to-eye with, traipsing lazily over the defined muscles on his neck before reaching his face

a jaw set in stone, two steely brown eyes and a pair of jet black dog ears are what immediately catch your attention

that and the fact that he’s very handsome; so much so that it takes everything in you not to stare at him with your mouth wide open

“are you going to let me in?” he says as if the hybrid’s arrival at your door was at all expected by you

“who are you?” is the only response you can

“your guard dog,” he replies, and just like that everything clicks into place

mingi, that bastard

“but i didn’t pay for a guard dog,” you argue, hoping that it’ll be enough to make him go back to whatever creep it is that mingi has gotten involved with

“well, someone did.”

he looks bored as he uses a hand to push you aside and steps past you into your tiny apartment, as if this is just another day for him

maybe it is; you don’t know much about hybrids, but you’ve heard enough stories to know just how many of them go through life without a permanent home

they’re tossed from pillar to post as if they’re not conscious beings with minds and lives of their own

it’s sad, the fact that they can be so easily tossed aside by so many people

it’s even sadder to find yourself relating to that feeling

you shut the door, twisting the lock with a finality that you’re not sure you understand

“what’s your name?” you ask as you turn to face him

“yunho,” he sighs

it’s a pretty name, you think to yourself

one that you wouldn’t mind saying over and over again for the… foreseeable future…

seriously, fuck song mingi

“well i’m—”

“i know your name, puppy,” your mouth snaps shut at the authority that laces itself into his words, “it’s all i’ve heard for the past few days.”

you zip your mouth shut, something in your brain warning you not to speak out of turn

something in your brain seems to forget that this is your own home; surely you can speak whenever you want to

“i wasn’t sure what to expect, but you seem to fit the bill,” dark pupils land on your body, dancing up and down your form before finally meeting your eyes, “a pretty thing like you in a town like this? i’m shocked you’re still in one piece.”

“how dare you, i—”

“where am i sleeping?” he cuts you off like your complaints are little more than the stubborn words of a child

it irritates you to no end, and yet you can’t find the words to fight back

there’s just something in his eyes that has you convinced that maybe you’re not the one in charge here

“the couch,” you point to the ratty leather thing, feeling a slight twinge of guilt that it’s the only thing you have to offer

he takes a glance at at for just a second or two before shaking his head

“no,” he replies, “you have a double bed, right?”

“a double—” your eyes go wide, “you’re not sleeping in my bed!”

“yes, i am,” he insists, condescending and annoying. you hate him already, “because i’m certainly not sleeping on that thing, puppy.”

it doesn’t go unnoticed that he’s yet to use your name, instead sticking to that godforsaken nickname

if you thought it would make a difference, you might say something about it, but the stubborn arsehole has already shown enough of himself to make you understand that it would do very little

“the floor is available,” you spit, venemously

“and yet it tempts me even less than the sofa,” he smiles sarcastically and it boils your blood, “you’re just gonna have to get used to sharing.”

he takes a few paces forward until you’re having to crane your neck to look him in the eyes

you can practically feel his breath dancing across your cheeks as he lets out a low chuckle, a darkness washing over his face as he studies you

“you’re gonna have to get used to a lot of things now that i’m here,” warmth spreads across your cheek as his palm moves to cup it, “but that’s okay puppy, i can be patient while you learn.”

[disgustingtwitches]

@rememberwren's Sperm donor!Johnny and Husband!Ghost has been stuck in my head for far too long. So here's a quick unedited little thing I wrote for it!

You forgot exactly what you were nervous about. Then again, you usually forget everything when your husband is between your legs.

“Gotta warm you up properly.”

He said earlier to Johnny and you, his large hand rubbing your thigh just a touch too high and making your face hot. 

You're not sure how much “warming up” you needed; he's been at it for God knows how long, and you're dizzy and pretty sure you can't feel your toes anymore. He can be so mean sometimes when he's like this, biting your thighs when you try to push his head away, smiling at how you whimper.

“You know, I'm starting to think you like it when I do that.”

As overstimulated as you are, you whine when he pulls away. You swear you can see the hearts in his eyes when he looks down at you. Gets you right in the heart. 

When he rolls out of bed and walks to the door you suddenly remember why your stomach was in knots earlier; you're about to sleep with his subordinate. No, that's not the right word. Brother in arms? Best friend? Their relationship always seemed more complex than words could describe. There's a soft knock on the door and you look up to see your husband walk in with Johnny in tow. 

Johnny's knees nearly give in at the sight of your body tangled up in the sheets, breathing hard, and skin glistening.

“Prettiest thing I've ever seen.” 

He smiles while unbuckling his pants. Simon hums in agreement and sits next to you, running his fingers up your arm and neck to caress your face. The look in his eyes could melt you right then and there, grounding and reassuring. Everything is going to be alright; it always has been and always will be.

Your eyes shoot back to Johnny, who's crawling over you slowly. You bite back a groan when Simon coos a good girl as you open your legs more, inviting Johnny to settle between them. The difference between your husband's face and the man hovering over you is night and day; Simon all soft and enamored, Johnny all fervid and lustful. 

“Ye ready?” 

Johnny's voice is almost as shaky as his hands, not nervous but almost deliriously aroused. You never had wandering eyes; it seems like it's wrong to even look at him now, but you don't want this to feel unnatural; you want to enjoy this. So you scan his body, toned chest falling and rising fast, strong arms caging you in, blue eyes so intense you have to look away.

“Uh-huh.”

You reply quietly, bucking your hips against his, your most sensitive parts rubbing against his. The gasp you share makes you both chuckle, easing the tension. You run your hands up his arms and wrap them around his neck. When you pull him closer, he follows eagerly, burying his face against the crook of your neck, stubble tickling you. 

“Dinnae have to do this if you don't want to, hen.” 

“No, I want to.” 

Your voice, smaller than you want it to be, makes Johnny's eyes soften. You look over to Simon, he cocks his head to the side, raising an eyebrow slightly, checking in. You just nod and he nods back. You keep your eyes on Simon while addressing Johnny,

“Ready.”

There's a pause, a shift, and then. You groan and roll your eyes back when he slides in, still facing Simon who blinks fast. Johnny breathes like the air was knocked out of him,

“Jesus…fuck…”

He curses to himself, face still buried at your neck, slowly moving his hips forward until his pelvis meets yours. You whine as he nips your neck and yelp when he punches his hips forward from the sounds you make. Your husband leans over and palms the back of his neck, talking in a low, serious tone that makes you tighten up, 

“Johnny.”

“Yeah, LT?”

“Ease up.” 

“Yes, Sir.” 

Johnny places a soft kiss where he bit you. It's all so…overwhelmingly intimate. Another man on top of you, grinding at just the right angle, hitting the right spots, all while your husband watches, instructing him. Simon pulls his hand away from Johnny's neck and shifts on the bed, sitting right next to you. Your eyes go wide when you turn to see him palming his erection. Oh. This is okay. This situation is more than okay. Simon fucking loves this. Johnny too. Guess you should throw away any reservations or doubts you had and just embrace this moment. Enjoy it to the fullest. 

Johnny pulls back, face slightly flushed, panting softly,

“She's so wet, Simon. Just so soft and perfect. Prettiest thing I ever saw...” 

You soak in the compliments but tune him out eventually, your attention drifting down to where Johnny slides in and out of you. It's a dreamy sight, really; you look so good together, it kind of reminds you how wonderful you and Simon look together. 

“Looks real nice, doesn't it? Taking me so well, hen.”

Johnny presses his forehead against yours, looking down while you hum in agreement. It's quiet for a moment, save for the occasional pant and moan or slick sounds from between your legs. A rough hand holds your left and another, larger hand grabs your right. It's all so sweaty, so sticky and sweet. So dazed, you barely register the first kiss Johnny plants on your lips. The second one makes your eyes shoot open, staring right at his annoyingly long, brown lashes until he pulls back and opens his eyes, blindingly blue. Your face gets hot, and you pull your hand to your face, your husband's fingers still intertwined with them. He extends his pointer finger to caress your cheek and you turn your face to look up at him. He's so gentle right now like he knows that's what you need from him. 

A smile plays on his face when you open your mouth and slide his finger into your mouth, sucking softly, rolling your eyes back, and moaning softly. You love giving him a show. Love making him melt in your mouth. He nods over to Johnny, whose jaw is slack, breathing hard. When you look at him, it's quite the sight: blue eyes wide and wild, mouth hanging open, and you can see his pulse right underneath his jawline beating wildly. Just fucking delectable. You pull your face away from Simon's hand and smile up at Johnny who groans and chuckles,

“Christ, LT.”

“Focus, Johnny. Ain't done yet.”

There's something feral that flashes in Johnny's eyes, hungry. Eager to please. You or Simon, you're not too sure. But he hooks an arm under your knees and hikes your leg up as far as it'll go, digging into you until you're a whimpering mess under him. His whole body pressed up against you, pinning you down. His mouth pressed right up against your ear, replacing every thought you had with his voice. 

“Right there? Huh? God, tight cunt right here…C'mon... Tell me how good it is…Tell me.”

He repeats the last phrase until you're mindlessly praising him, telling him what he wants to hear. What he needs to hear. You can feel him smile against the skin right under your ear before pressing tender kisses there. 

You're pressed chest to sweaty, hairy chest when you wrap your arms around him tighter, embracing him. All traces of guilt scraped away with Simon's breathy praise. You move one hand around until it rests on your husband's big thigh, and he tenses up under your touch. 

“C'mon love, give Johnny something real nice. He's been such a trooper, yeah?” 

You nod into Johnny's shoulder, breathless. 

“Uh-huh,”

It hits you hard and fast. Almost unexpectedly. Hearing a small moan escape Simon always sent you over the edge, though, always a rare moment when he lets himself relax and be vulnerable. 

Spasming and moaning under Johnny had his hips moving frantically, desperate for his own release. Biting his shoulder had him crashing right into it, digging deep into you until his hips still. He crushed you under his weight, licking the sweat off your neck. Simon pushed his head away though. 

“Don't forget, she's my wife Johnny.

His voice isn't harsh, it's almost soft. His large frame leans down and presses a tender kiss against your lips. Then another. And another. All while singing velvety praises between each one. For a moment, you forget about the other man in the room lying right on top of you. Until he pulls away, sliding out of you. Almost makes you whine til he starts pressing his lips against your sternum and stomach. Head in the clouds, you feel like you're floating. Suspended in this moment of pure bliss. 

“You got one more in you?”

Simon asks. Before you can answer, Johnny responds eagerly. 

“Always.”

[carolperkinsexgirlfriend]

can you see the stars in your dreams (and do they have a lot to say about me) - Part 9

Or: a secret Admirer AU

PART 1 || PART 2 || PART 3 || PART 4 || PART 5 || PART 6 || PART 7 || PART 8

Jeff calls her. It’s the first time they’ve spoken on the phone, and something flutters in her chest.

“How did you get this number?” she asks, finger twirling the coiled wire of the phone as she smiles down at her socked feet.

“There’s only one Cunningham in the phone book, Chrissy,” he replies, all dry wit—she can almost see the smirk on his face. “It’s not exactly rocket science.”

She laughs, shuffling around her kitchen, suddenly desperate to move, but she’s leashed to the wall by her phone’s cord, so it’s only about four steps each way until she’s bungee-corded back to the starting point.

“Smartass.”

Jeff laughs this time, quiet the way he always is, but her chest feels like a supernova’s exploding in it. “But that’s not why I called.”

Chrissy’s smile fixes to her face before drooping down into her shoes with her gut. “What’s wrong?” she asks, now standing statuesque in her kitchen, cold tiles leaching all the warmth from her feet even through her thick socks.

“Nothing,” Jeff sighs, and there’s a crackling sound, like he’s rubbing his face in exhaustion. “Just—Steve drove me home.”

“Is he okay?” she asks, clenching the phone hard enough in her hand that the cheap plastic creaks.

“I think so?” Jeff replies, sounding unsure. “He just seems sad, man.”

Steve and Jeff don’t spend a lot of time together, but he’s been around enough that she trusts his judgment.

Steve is sad.

Chrissy wants to sink down to the cold tile beneath her and never get up. Instead, she shuffles back over to the phone and swings herself up onto the countertop—what her mother doesn’t know won’t hurt her. Her heels clack against the cupboards noisily, broadcasting her restlessness even as the worry sinks straight through her.

“What about?” she asks, already knowing the answer.

“He thinks Eddie hates him.”

Chrissy sucks in a breath and lets it shudder out before biting her lip against the next logical question. “Does he?”

“He thinks he does,” Jeff replies promptly. “But he definitely doesn’t.”

Chrissy hums, too lost in her own head to think of a reply. It doesn’t matter what Eddie feels if the effect is the same: a sad Steve Harrington.

“I don’t think you guys should do this anymore,” Jeff says, snapping her out of her spiral.

“I know,” she groans, shoulders slumping. “But Steve’s hellbent on keeping it up.”

He sighs again, muttering, “boys,” with such a defeated air that she can’t help but laugh again.

“You just keep an eye on yours, and I’ll do the same for mine,” she says, smile audible in her voice. “Deal?”

“I feel like yours is a bit easier to wrangle than mine,” Jeff scoffs, a twinge of bitterness leaking into his tone.

And he’s right; Eddie still hasn’t even told Jeff about the letters he’s been getting, much less asked his opinion on them. Steve, at least, keeps her appraised of his next moves, shares his feelings, and asks for her help even if he won’t always take her advice.

So, when Steve’s acting weird when she sees him the next morning—all shifty-eyed and nervous—she doesn’t ask. He’ll tell her when he’s ready. Besides, the hallway’s too crowded, and she’s got a sneaking suspicion that it has something to do with her and Jeff’s conversation last night.

She’s proved right when they hit the library at lunch instead of the cafeteria, and Steve barely waits until they’re settled in their usual table, feet interlaced.

“He hates me,” Steve whispers.

“He doesn’t hate you.”

Steve pouts across at her, bottom lip stuck out like a puppy dog as he accuses, “you’ve been talking to Jeff.”

Chrissy bites her lip. “I always talk to Jeff.”

He rolls his eyes, but it seems to lift his spirits. “Did you ask him out yet?”

“Shut up.” She kicks him beneath the table until he laughs.

Without further preamble, he pulls a piece of paper from his bag and pushes it across to her. She expects the latest note from Eddie, having yet to read the last one, but it’s not—it’s a letter from Steve, clearly responding to something she’s yet to see.

“Did you pick up the letter yourself?” she asks, panic sinking through her. He could get caught, and then all their subterfuge will be for nothing. She might lose her best friend. 

“Yeah,” Steve mutters, so shyly that she can’t bear to chastise him further. “What do you think?”

She reads it again, trying to look past the panic to the words in front of her. “It’s good,” she says, and it is. “Do you want to send it like this?”

His handwriting is barely legible, even to her with her weeks of practice, and there’s a few misspellings, but she’ll do whatever he wants, forever and always. But he shakes his head, and asks, “Will you edit it?”

“Can I see the one you’re responding to?” she asks.

He pulls it out of his bag and pushes it across the table without a complaint. She picks it up and begins to read.

         Secret Admirer,

         There was a little hiccup with my guitar and plugging her in, but otherwise it went great! All four of the drunks at the Hideout clapped politely when we were done, and not even one of them booed us off stage!

         The riff is still getting on my last nerve, darling, you have no idea. I wish I could hear you play, I bet you’d inspire me so much, a stroke of genius would strike me and I’d know exactly what I’m missing.

         (I don’t know how to ride a bike. My dad was never around to teach me, and by the time I moved in with Uncle Wayne, I was too old to learn.)

         Darling, did you dream of me? Was it a naughty dream?

         Yours,

         Eddie

P.S. The Lord of the Rings is the name of the whole trilogy, so I hope you find it in The Fellowship. Can’t believe you don’t even know Tolkein. It’s okay, baby, I like you anyway. 

She smiles when she’s done, kicking him beneath the table as she asks, “Does this sound like someone who hates you?”

If anything, Steve just gets droopier. “It’s for you,” he mumbles, and she doesn’t have anything to say.

Chrissy squeezes his foot tighter between her own in a pantomime of a hug.

Even with his newfound pessimism, he carefully rereads her edited words once she’s done. He smiles down at it, clearly cheered by the act of writing to Eddie.

“It looks great, Chris,” he says genuinely, as if she’d done more than correct his spelling and rewrite his letter word for word.

“Thanks,” she replies, smiling across at him, relieved his spirits have risen. “Now, let’s drop this in his locker so he doesn’t have to wait too long to read your lovely letter.”

Steve’s ears turn red with embarrassment, but he dutifully wraps his arm around her waist and leads her out of the library.

Jason’s loitering outside of it, leaning against the wall like it’s a coincidence he’s here at all, but the way his eyes glare at the point where they’re in contact makes a liar out of him.

Steve seems to agree because he pulls her closer and asks, “problem, Carver?” in his snootiest King Steve voice.

Jason holds his hands up, smiling like this is all a coincidence, but he seems to have forgotten that Chrissy knows him, maybe better than anyone. She sees the way his arms are flexing, the way he’s baring his canines more than smiling, and it makes her feel on edge.

“No problem, man,” he replies, untold violence behind every word.

“Let’s just go,” she whispers to Steve.

She’s relieved when he nods, not sparing Jason another look as they take the most direct route to Eddie’s locker. He doesn’t respond until they’re well out of Jason’s hearing range. “That guy’s starting to really freak me out,” he says, talking quietly still, even after putting all this distance between them.

Chrissy sighs. The thing is, she still misses Jason, but the Jason she misses is at least a year dead and gone. Now, all that’s left of him is someone who wants to own her.

“Me, too.”

*** 

There’s something different about the letter he finds in his locker this time.

  Eddie —

  You were the best damn thing those drunks have ever seen, hands down. No, before you ask, I wasn’t there. But when I had that letter under my pillow, I dreamed a little dream (not naughty, I know you’re disappointed, sorry). I don’t remember the songs, but I remember the way you looked for me in the crowd and smiled. All the dream people gave you a standing ovation, me loudest of all.

  You’re never too old to learn to ride a bike. My dad didn’t teach me either, but a friend did. Maybe someday, I could be that friend for you, and when I tell you I won’t let go, you can rest easy knowing I’m not lying.

  Sincerely,

  Your Secret Admirer

  P.S. I know it’s still winter, but I’ll meet you in A Midsummer Night’s Dream.

The handwriting is just the same, and it’s as sweet as always, but still. There’s—something Eddie can’t quite put his finger on no matter how many times he rereads the letter. Maybe he should have paid more attention in English class instead of always working on his next campaign.

He watches Chrissy when she’s not paying attention, trying to figure out what’s changed, but Harrington always catches him and stares him down like a dog marking his territory.

It leaves him flushed, desperately trying to focus on whatever he’s supposed to be doing. By the time he looks up, Harrington’s always moved onto something else.

Maybe it’s just because they know each other now, spend time with each other, are even becoming friends? Eddie doesn’t mind, as long as the letters keep coming. He might even like this letter best of all. It feels more honest, real somehow, like he’s peeling back the layers of bullshit obfuscation to get to the truth of who she is.

He hopes it lasts.

It’s hard to write his own letter back, to meet that same level of transparency to someone who, despite now having a name and face, still feels like a nebulous being. A nebulous being whose favorite color he knows, who’s insecurities feel like they’re his own, whose words he’s stroked on the page late at night while unable to sleep.

He tries to pour that same energy back into his letter.

  Secret Admirer,

  I wish I could dream about you, too. I want to know your face well enough to hold it in my mind, even unconscious. I want to lay my head on my pillow tonight and know that you’ll be waiting for me in dreamland, ready to be the best groupie a guy could ask for.

  The truth is, no one’s loved me before. No one’s liked me, or kissed me, or held my hand during a scary movie. And, that’s scarier than any movie could ever be. Because, you’re it, baby. The one and only, and all that shit.

  I’ve got friends, and that’s enough for me! It really is! But a part of me just wants to hold someone’s hand—your hand. Maybe we can someday. Maybe we can do all the things we’ve talked about: go to a drive-in, play music together, learn to ride a bike. But even if we never do, I’m grateful for every one of these letters. Being wanted is new to me, and I’m not ready to give it up.

  Yours, always,

  Eddie

He steps into the Shakespeare section once more and slips the note into A Midsummer Night’s Dream and promptly tries his best to forget about it. It doesn’t work.

He wants a response immediately, dreads waiting the typical days it takes for a letter to appear in his locker, so no one can blame him for panicking.

“Do you want to come to a Corroded Coffin practice?” Eddie blurts after the latest Hellfire session.

Chrissy’s brow’s all furrowed up as she asks, “Corroded Coffin?”

Eddie’s surprised she doesn’t already know. He’s mentioned it at least once in one of his letters; does she not spend her nights pouring over the words like he does? Does she not have every dotted i and crossed t seared into her retinas?

His intestines wriggle around in his body, fingers itching to tear his letter into tiny little pieces before she reads his desperate, yearning words.

“My band,” Eddie replies, his response overlapping eerily with Harrington’s, “his band.”

Chrissy smirks between them but Eddie barely notices, too caught up in staring at Harrington. “How do you know that?” he demands.

Harrington’s shoulders curl, like Eddie’s the threat here as he mutters his response barely loud enough to hear over the sounds of the other Hellfire members packing up, “uh, the middle school talent show?”

Eddie’s lip quirks up as Harrington looks up from his own shoes and meets Eddie’s eyes. “You remember that?”

Harrington snorts. “Hard to forget, dude.”

Harrington’s smiling—he’s never noticed before but it’s a little off center, just enough to be endearing. Eddie smiles back helplessly, taking a step forward as he asks, “the king remembers little old me?”

He gets a laugh this time, Harrington’s eyes almost crinkling shut with his amusement. He’s got a nice laugh. Eddie’s never noticed before, hasn’t heard anything from him that wasn’t at least a little snide.

Eddie opens his mouth, desperate to elicit that noise again, when Chrissy pointedly clears her throat and reality comes rushing back in—what was that? He snaps his gaze back to her, shuffling his feet, feeling absurdly guilty. For what? Being nice to her boyfriend?

“When is it?” she asks.

It takes him a minute to remember what they were talking about. “Oh!” he exclaims, taking a step back when he realizes how close he’s gotten. “Uh, tomorrow night in Gareth’s garage.”

Chrissy’s smiling, but there’s something sly about it, Eddie knows, watching the flashing of her eyes, that Chrissy Cunningham knows what evil is and has the capacity to perform it. So much for his pet theory that she’s actually a golden retriever stuffed into a human girl’s body.

“Can Steve come?” When Eddie frowns, shifting his eyes to a red-eared Harrington standing stock-still beside her, she continues, “it’s just, Jason’s been a little intense lately?”

Carver’s name seems to bring Harrington back to life. He damn-near growls as he wraps his arm around Chrissy’s waist. “The word you’re looking for is stalkery.”

She snorts, “not a word, but yeah.”

Now that they mention it, Carver has seemed to be within arm’s reach of Chrissy for a while now, loitering on her fringes with his arms crossed like he’s staking his claim, even all these months after they broke up.

“Sure,” Eddie replies, and he means it. Harrington can come if it keeps Eddie from ending up on the wrong side of Carver’s fists. “Harrington can come.”

Harrington’s ears flush again, and he mutters an awkward, “thank you,” before leading Chrissy out of the drama room.

Once they’ve cleared out, Gareth sighs, long and loud as he says, “band practice is going to be so awkward.”

Eddie glares at him, having forgotten entirely about his audience while talking to Harrington and Chrissy. “Oh, it won’t be so bad.”

“Yeah, right,” Doug snorts, shouldering his bag and heading toward the door.

“Oh, ye of little faith!” he replies as all three of them head out the door, Jeff having inexplicably already left despite Eddie being his usual ride home on Hellfire days. “It’ll be fine!”

Before he drives the guys home, he doubles back to the library to try and steal back his note, but it’s too late: the doors are locked and by the morning, the note’s sure to be gone.

They’re right; band practice is awkward, and it’s not even Eddie’s fault. It’s not even Harrington’s fault. It’s Jeff’s.

“You look nice today,” Jeff says, looking directly at Chrissy, who blushes.

He’s right, she does look nice in a cute pink cardigan and some light-wash jeans that fit her well. It’s not Eddie’s style, but it suits her. But Jeff doesn’t have to say it while her boyfriend is standing right there.

“Thanks,” she says, smiling at Jeff.

Harrington just keeps standing there while Jeff does what can only be described as flirting, with his girlfriend. Everyone else carries on like this is normal, but Gareth’s sending him crazy-eyed looks proving that Eddie’s not the only sane one.

Doug’s too busy practicing his riffs, sure, and Jeff’s clearly gone off the deep end, but Harrington? What’s his excuse?

When he’d been dating Wheeler, he’d been all over her at all times, monopolizing her time whenever possible. And sure, Chrissy and Harrington are always together, but there’s never more than an arm around her waist or sitting close together. He’s never even seen them kiss.

And now here he is, letting Jeff flirt with his girlfriend right in front of him.

Eddie just doesn’t get it.

Corroded Coffin’s a fucking mess, Gareth keeping a beat only he can hear, Eddie missing every other note, and Jeff too busy looking at Chrissy to keep tempo. Only Doug is on his game, clearly getting more and more fed up with each new fuck-up.

Chrissy stays by Jeff’s side, whispering with him between songs while Harrington flops down on the couch and watches them play like it’s his own, personal concert.

Eddie can’t take his eyes off Steve. He wants to peel the guy like an onion, figure out what makes him tick, what makes him smile, why the hell he’s here in Gareth’s smelly garage watching his girlfriend make eyes at Jeff while she writes love letters to Eddie in her free time.

He wants to know.

He just—

Wants.

*** 

Steve’s words have been echoing around her brain for days—have you asked him out yet? It’s ridiculous, but before he’d said those words, she’d never even considered it as an option. Boys ask girls out, that’s how it works. But if Steve can like a boy, she can ask out Jeff.

That doesn’t make it any less scary though. She sits on the revelation for a few days more, watching Jeff out of the corner of her eye, flirting back after he instigates. But that’s the problem, isn’t it? It’s still him instigating.

“I’m going to ask him out,” she tells Steve, not looking at him as they walk into the school together, too afraid of what she’ll see.

“Yeah?” he asks, bumping their shoulders together. “When?”

When she glances his way, he’s grinning ear to ear. She huffs, “I don’t know, soon?” Looking away so she doesn’t have to see that sly look on his face. “It’s just so scary.”

“I know, Chris,” he says, bumping into her again and again just to annoy her. “But you’re the strongest person I know.”

She doesn’t feel strong—she feels like a breeze might swipe her feet out from under her, but Steve believes in her. Steve thinks she’s strong, and she told him she’d ask Jeff out, so she will.

So, when Jeff next slides into her passenger seat, she starts the car and drives away without saying a word.

This has become something of a habit lately—if there’s no Hellfire, she drives Jeff home. Usually they talk, or turn on music they both like and sing along. The quiet has his feet tapping and fingers picking at the seam of his jeans. He grows more restless with each minute that passes.

“Chrissy?” he asks finally, a shyness to his voice that she’s not used to hearing. From the first time they’d spoken, he’s been confident—quiet, yeah, but assured. “Are you okay?”

Unable to take the waver of his voice sitting down, Chrissy veers off the side of the road, holding her arm out to keep Jeff from smacking into the dash at the abrupt change in momentum. She puts the thing in park, takes off her seatbelt, and turns in her seat to face Jeff head-on.

His eyes are wide, clearly freaked out by her erratic behavior, but he still unlatches his own seatbelt and mimics her position, awkwardly pulling his feet beneath him when it becomes clear his legs are too long to fit.

She’s helplessly charmed; it may just be Steve and Eddie’s letters rubbing off on her, but she wants to reach out and take his hand. So she does.

His fingers jerk in hers, pulling back a little like it’s instinct before he drops his hand on the console separating them and lets her link their fingers together. Even with the heater on, the interior of her car’s cold enough that his skin scalds against hers, sending a shudder through her.

“Is this the part where you murder me?” he asks, squeezing her hand. “Because if so, let me know.”

“So you can run away?” she asks, grateful for the moment of levity.

“No, because I’m a gentleman,” he replies, winking at her, “and I can help dig the grave, save you some work.”

Chrissy laughs, once again captivated by him. He’s a nerd, how is he so gosh darn charming? Her cheeks hurt, her heart hurts, her whole body is tingling with the anticipation of what she’s about to do.

“Chrissy—“

“Will you go out with me?” she asks, slapping her hand over her mouth when she realizes she interrupted him. She closes her eyes, entirely mortified. “Shoot, sorry!”

His hand spasms in hers before he tightens his hold. “You’re…” he starts, hand shaking in hers. She opens her eyes, horrible visions of him crying dancing behind her lids, but he’s laughing, whole body moving with the effort of suppressing it. “You’re apologizing for the best moment of my life?”

She laughs, too, helpless not to. “Is that a yes, or are you just laughing at me?”

He hums, tilting his head closer to hers, chuckles finally fading away as he replies, “can it be both?”

“Always.”

Chrissy bounces a little in her seat, vibrating with pent-up excitement. Maybe sometimes the girl can get the guy instead of the other way around.

He hums again, low down in his throat, and their gazes lock. The energy in her car is so electric her skin is buzzing with it. She wants to reach across the distance between them and steal a kiss. But girls don’t do that sort of thing. Girls aren’t supposed to—

She leans across the console separating them and kisses him, and kisses him, and kisses him. Jeff gasps into it, like he’s the one being electrocuted now, and suddenly his hand is out of hers, but that’s okay because it’s on her face now, drawing her closer, closer, closer, as he sucks on her bottom lip until she gasps.

She might have stayed in that position forever, craning her body uncomfortably forward like a sunflower toward the light, if she hadn’t shifted a little too far to the left into her car’s horn with a bony hip.

As it blares, they both jump apart, eyes wide, cheeks flushed, looking around for a threat that will never come.

“Oops,” she whispers, settling back into her seat, back protesting at the change of angle.

Jeff laughs, head thrown back, long throat on full display. She wants to bite it, but the moment’s long since broken, so she puts her seatbelt on and shifts back onto the road, cheeks flaming, heart warm.

“Does this mean you’re going to give me your letterman jacket?” he asks once he’s finally stopped laughing. “I’m not familiar with jocks courting rituals.”

Chrissy’s responding laugh isn’t her usual cultivated giggle—it’s a bark that makes Jeff grin at her. “Oh my goodness, can you even imagine the looks we’d get?”

“Or that Steve would.” Jeff replies. “But you’ve gotta admit, I’d look good in his jacket.”

She almost wants to do it for the drama, Eddie’s presence rubbing off on her surely, but it’s not quite worth doubling the lynch mobs that will already be after all of them.

“You realize this is only making this whole situation even messier, don’t you?” she asks, eyes on the road.

“Yeah,” Jeff sighs, but his fingers reach across the car and settle atop her hand where it’s clasping the stick shift. “But worth it, right?”

She’s been smiling so much that her cheeks hurt, but at that, she damn-near beams ear to ear. “Yeah, baby,” she says, heat pooling low in her stomach when Jeff lets out a soft little gasp. “You’re worth it.”

[wheelie-sick]

my experience with lupus cerebritis 🧠⚡

I was reading about lupus cerebritis (cerebritis= brain inflammation, lupus cerebritis = brain inflammation caused by lupus) trying to figure out if that's where my stutter could have come from. I stumbled across some stories from people who have experienced lupus cerebritis and it inspired me to try to share my own

a big part of cerebritis is memory loss, short term, long term, everything just vanishes. it feels so normal when it happens. that's a big thing with cerebritis for me. my mental state was very altered, everything that happened felt as if it had always been that way. sometimes I could logically acknowledge that it hadn't been this way, that it was new- sometimes I was bluntly forced into this knowledge over and over and over again as I normalized it in my head. other times my brain justified it in warped ways. I was living in a different reality.

I know that at the time there were gaping holes in my memory, things I shouldn't have forgotten. I remember one thing that stuck out- my graduation. I tried to remember my highschool graduation and I just couldn't wrap my head around it. it was as if it was hidden behind one of those bathroom you can't see but the light comes in windows. I could see the vague blur of what happened but I couldn't grasp it. just out of reach. I regained this memory later, I don't know if all of them came back. that's the problem with memory loss, you don't know what's gone.

this memory loss left some very permanent holes in my memory of that semester of brain inflammation. I am missing a lot. this recounting is going to be inaccurate on account of what's gone and what's warped.

the biggest feature of my cerebritis was psychosis. cerebritis drove me deep into a psychotic break.

it started off gradually, a creeping fog that shrouded the world. I don't remember where it began, I don't think it's possible to put a dot on the timeline and say "here! this is where I became psychotic!" it turned into a nightmare that would result in a failed semester of university. what started with mild delusions that people were following me and that I was on a watchlist turned into hiding under my bed with my blinds closed living off of ramen I had stockpiled because I thought the FBI was staking out my dorm room. I heard whispers coming from the corners of my dorm room. I isolated myself from my friends because I thought they were part of a mind reader society that would kill me if they knew that I knew about mind readers.

anxiety & paranoia are part of cerebritis

my writing ability was heavily affected by both my psychosis and cognitive issues. when writing essays I'd get the feedback that my writing was confusing, hard to follow, and made no sense. I once was one of the top writers in every class but now I was falling behind into last place.

lupus cerebritis is not just psychological and cognitive, though. I had gotten a wheelchair about 5 months before my cerebritis really kicked in. I ended up using it nearly full time, in part because of pain and fatigue caused by my untreated lupus but also because I would have bouts of severe balance & coordination issues. I would have trouble standing, I could not walk to the bathroom down the hallway. my body did not want to move the way I told it to.

eventually I got a diagnosis of lupus and was able to start treatment. after failing the conservative treatments I was put on a biologic. within a week I started returning to reality. my balance issues started to fade, my memory started to return. it took a total of 3 months to truly come down from the flare. it took a while to fully realize what had happened. I wasn't diagnosed with cerebritis when I was initially diagnosed, it took a follow up appointment where I explained what happened to be told that cerebritis was likely the cause.

I still live with some of the effects of my cerebritis and my immune system still loves to go after any part of my nervous system. I still have balance issues, I have peripheral neuropathy and a cranial nerve disorder, I still have brain fog and memory loss. brain inflammation leaves a lasting impact. it doesn't just go away and there's always a risk of it coming back.

reblogs welcome

[therandompagesblog]

SKZ Pack Chapter 1

Trigger Warnings: None

Weeks had gone by and it was nearly December. The wolves had changed in who they were. Jeongin became a tougher alpha and spent many weeks training to his full potential, but he also learned to be a better mate to Y/N. He was still making it up to her. Seungmin was still as cocky as ever and spent more time researching the dark side of werewolf lore in case they ended up in a tragic situation again. Felix was sensitive if not more sensitive after what happened and felt more protective of all the wolves so he offered to take part in more training, unlike Jisung who became glued to the side of Y/N. Jisung was far too in love with Y/N and loved to express that as he helped her around the house. Jisung made sure to always tell her she looked beautiful and made a point to kiss her scar first before her lips. Changbin was now on a course to look after werewolves as his sister Jaehee realised how useless Changbin was at saving his own omega. Changbin wasn't great but he could now stitch a minor cut. Minho on the other hand grew colder, he was hurting the most out of all of them. He still did his usual stuff but stayed out of debates and never gave his opinion. Him and Y/N were still not alright. They never spoke to each other unless it was a 'good morning' or a 'thank you'. Minho lost a lot of trust with Y/N and some of the others, but her words cut deep and he wasn't on the path of forgiveness yet. Hyunjin had gone back to his cold self and spent time in his art room, but still made time for Y/N.Chan had woken up but was bedridden as his ribs were still not healing but he was fine. He was pissed for the first twenty-four hours when he found out about Y/N's mission of death, but he got over it, knowing she was fine. He was happier when she came in to look after him, he appreciated her omegaing him but he knew it was tiring her out because she too was slowly healing.

Then there was Y/N she healed eventually but was still bandaged up. Spiritually she was damaged and Hyunjin's soul was trying to repair hers but it was too exhausting for him so she asked him to stop. Y/N wasn't as active as she had liked to be but still made a point to get up and see her wolves, despite Jisung being stuck to her. Not one of them had asked her about that night and it almost became a taboo subject. It was almost silently forbidden to be discussed. Y/N wanted to bring it up to apologise but when she did they would wave her off and tell her it's fine. Still, she knew Minho and Jeongin were the two she massively owed an apology to, but getting them alone was going to be harder. Minho was going to be her biggest challenge but she was going to start off strong by writing him a letter in case he refused to hear her apology and then giving him the flowers. By flowers, she meant the ones she picked from the garden and put into the vase after she turfed out the others. When Y/N came back into the kitchen she saw Minho prepping dinner. He was aware she walked into the kitchen and usually, he doesn't speak unless she speaks first. Y/N had to admit she felt incredibly nervous speaking to him and it was mainly because she hated hearing what she had done wrong. Y/N knew and understood her actions but hearing them made her slightly uncomfortable and defensive. "Minho?" Y/N called as she stood there awkwardly watching him. "Hmm?" Minho acknowledged her but did not look at her so Y/N decided he was comfortable with whatever she was going to say. "I wanted to say I'm sorry okay? Just hear me out and don't say anything. I only want you to listen." Y/N waited for him but he said nothing, making her roll her eyes. "I am sorry for not being grateful for your efforts. I know you worked hard to help and you did more than what I realised and I appreciate that. I guess I wanted to help and, anyway that's not the point. Forget that part. The main thing I wanted to apologise was for using your insecurity against you. I know it was low and I didn't mean it. I'm not good at apologies so I picked some flowers and wrote a letter of apology which I want you to read."

Y/N almost cursed herself at her botched apology. She completely messed it up but there was nothing she could do now except leave the letter on the table and leave him alone, which she did. Y/N left the kitchen and was about to head up to see Chan when Changbin entered the room in his medical clothes. Y/N greeted the beta with a gentle hug which Changbin was grateful for. Y/N knew Changbin wasn't really enjoying the hospital work and studying with his sister, he would rather be at the gym and then play his x-box. Changbin threw his bag down and kicked on his shoes while holding Y/N as he nuzzled her face against his, before pecking her lips. "Shall we go nurse Channie?" Y/N giggled as she kissed him again. "Let me unwind baby and then I'll come right up," Changbin whispered. Y/N nodded and headed up to see Chan who was idly staring up at the ceiling. It made Y/N laugh at how bored he looked. He was completely fed up with being stuck in the bedroom but his right leg was struggling to heal. "Felix said he might take my stitches out soon," Y/N said as she walked over to him and sat on his bed. Chan smiled up at her as he reached for her hand to hold. He loved it when she came to visit him. Admittedly, Chan sometimes got lonely since he was cooped up in the same four walls. "I want to tell you something and I don't want you to take it the wrong way baby. You know I love you." Chan said softly. "Oh no. Uh. Uh. Whatever it is Mr alpha I ain't doing it." Y/N answered as she bopped his nose like a child. "I'm being serious, baby," Chan said causing Y/N to frown. Why was he being so serious? "I know you are feeling incredibly anxious because you are feeling unclaimed and I know I haven't claimed you fully because I wanted to wait until you could trust me and your body was fully healed, but I know at the moment I'm not going to be in any position to do a while and I don't want you to feel unstable in my pack. We all love you, despite the conflicts we do. Which is why I had a chat with Jeongin and I want him to claim you." Chan stated. "No. Jeongin is fuming with me and besides I am completely fine. I'm not feeling anxious, or disconnected in any way. I want to wait. I want you, besides you could lay there." Y/N hinted with a smirk as she pulled his duvet cover down. Chan rolled his eyes nonchalantly. "Baby. Jeongin is over it, if anything it's Minho that's going to take a while. He accepts what you have said but he doesn't forgive easily. Besides Jeongin wants to ease your anxiety." Chan cooed. "I want you Channie to be the first. I don't care how long we have to wait for your leg to get better. Besides Seungmin can keep up." Y/N stated. "My love. What did I do to deserve you." Chan cooed, his heart swelling with pride. As much as he wanted to be the first his mark was already there and she needed to feel settled. "Ya, let's play doctors and nurses," Changbin shouted as he kicked the door open. "Fuck sake," Chan muttered.

Taglist for the iconic readers

@galaxy4489 @mbioooo0000 @jisungs-iced-americano @maybeimmia @hwangrfrnd@wolfo2027 @kayleefriedchicken @leamueller920 @borahae-reads @jennibahng @cookiesandcreammy @leezanetheofficial @jutdwae-flower @danceonmyheyday @jc003 @hpnsfwaddict @linocz @itzreetal987 @skzdreamer13 @reallychaoticwoo @liv1sworld @upsidedownchaire @jutdwae-flower @danceonmyheyday @jc003 @hpnsfwaddict @skzdreamer13 o @ihttinniee @kingdomofpentagon @pixie0627 @tsunderelino @notevenheretbh1 @catlove83 @h0rnyp0t @hash2013 @hyunmikim @emi-han @iknow-uknow-leeknow @jigglypuff3000 @aalexyuuuhm @reallychaoticwoo @missseoulite @ihrtlix @estella-novella @xxeiraxx

[moss-and-mirth]

Feral

I've heard the term "going feral" tossed around a lot to describe lee moods. You'll never catch me denying the accuracy. However, let me tell you a lil story about the hottest instances of feral that I, as a lee leaning switch, have been blessed to experience. tw: for a little bit of CNC technically (cos this was NOT preplanned) So I had a friend who was a Ler, and an incredibly mean Ler at that. One day, they decided they wanted to try switching. Just to see. They were actually nervous about it, but had been curious for years. Absolutely fine. Adorable even. So I put them in the cuffs, and treated them like I would anyone who was just trying it for the first time. Went nice and slow, exploring, making them jump. giggle. blush. jump again. gasp. Figuring out pretty quickly what the worst spots are. About 10 minutes of this sensual light tickling and they were bouncing between laughing and apologizing for everything they'd ever done to me. It was delightful teasing them, reminding them of all the really meeeaaan things they did to me over the years. "Remember when you straddled me and tortured me non stop on my armpits til I cried? Wouldn't be just so fair to do that to you now?" then I climbed up top and just waited. The begging started. And I just kept tickling slowly, softly, teasing. literally driving them mad with anticipation, thinking at any moment I was going to attack them. Barely touching them. It went on like this for so long. Til they were just a flushed, breathless giggling mess, begging me to stop fucking with them, promising me the world. So I teased, and I teased, and I teased. I would linger in one spot and remind them of every way they tickled me there. Asked them how much mercy they showed me. Watched them get so visibly turned on until they were begging me for something completely different. I told them the same thing they would tell me. "no." The next thing you know, the cuffs snapped off the straps. Half a second to be flipped over onto the bed and pinned. "Enough." First time I'd heard an actual human growl. Suddenly the smut I read in books made a lot of sense.

Feral. We actually fought a bit, but they were always able to over power me anyways, and the speed at which they got the cuffs on me and back into the straps could be studied by science. That was the worst wrecking I ever got, and one of the best sessions I ever had.

[aemondapologistfrfr]

The Family Disappointments - Pt9

modern!aegon x fem!reader 

Previous Parts

Summary: Aegon and you navigate your first pregnancy and he has been perfect if not overbearing, not that you mind. You both welcome your child into the world and you both couldn’t be happier. 

Warnings: 18+ swearing, pregnant!reader, overprotective!aegon(we love to see it), fingering, oral(f), p in v, time skips, birth(nothing too crazy)

Authors Note: hi i’m s o f t for dad!aegon forever pressed we only got like 2 seconds of him being a dad

Word Count: 5.8k

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I twist the rings on Aegon's fingers as I look around the waiting room. Children are playing loudly at the small table and I smile at them as I lean my head against his shoulder. I glance at his phone to see what he’s shopping for and see that he’s scrolling through our online registries and adding things to our cart. 

“I want to pick these out with you.” I pout snatching his phone. He chuckles watching me go through the cart. I look over what he’s picked out and hand the phone back to him “You have good taste.” I lean back on him as he continues to add miscellaneous things. 

Our heads snap up when the nurse calls me back. He slips his phone back into his pocket and walks us over to the door. He’s been clinging to me since we saw the four positive tests. We always have a part of us touching and I haven’t minded in the slightest. Our legs are pressed together as we take a seat. 

The nurse takes my vitals and starts to ask me some basic questions. Aegon holds my hand and rubs soothing circles as the nurse takes my blood. She tells us the doctor will be in shortly and leaves us. 

“I’m nervous again.” he whispers, pressing a kiss against the side of my head. 

“Me too.” I turn to him nibbling my lip. “I’m scared.” I search his eyes.

“Why?” his face scrunches and he cups my cheeks.

“It's a lot on the body. Like our baby is in here right now.” I look down and place my hand on my stomach. 

“It’s incredible.” his hand rests on top of mine. “I’ll be here to help you and do anything you need. Everything. Tell me what you need from me, pretty girl.” he pulls me into his arms. 

“I just need you to be here with me.” I mumble against his chest. 

“I’m here.” he reassures me, tightening his hold on me. “I’ll never leave you.” he kisses my hair. We pull apart and continue to coo and add things to our cart until the doctor knocks on the door. 

“I’m sorry for the wait.” the doctor opens up the door. “How are you both doing?” she smiles while taking a seat. 

“Good,” I nod, watching her type on the computer. “Nervous, excited,” I look at Aegon who is smiling at me. 

“So when do we know for sure?” Aegon asks, turning to the doctor. 

“I’m pulling the results up now.” she hums, nodding her head. I hold Aegons hand tightly while we wait for her to find my results. “Congratulations,” she turns to us and I let out the breath I was holding. I turn to Aegon and pull him into my arms as tears start to pour down my cheeks. 

“We’re gunna be parents.” he mumbles into my hair. I pull back and look up at him and see his glossy eyes. We press a quick kiss to each other and turn to the doctor. 

She has a smile spread across her face as she takes in our flushed faces. She goes over the next couple of weeks with us and helps us set up our appointments going forward. She has the nurse print out a list of vitamins and other helpful tips for us and we walk back out to our car hand in hand. He opens my door and helps me in. He puts my seat belt on as I roll my eyes before he lets his lips linger on mine. He shuts the door and gets in on the driver's side. 

“I can still put my seatbelt on.” I turn my head and smile at him. He leans over and presses his lips against mine. 

“I want to do everything for you.” he murmurs against my lips. “Anything. You won’t ever have to lift a finger.” he presses his lips on my cheeks and forehead. 

“You are perfect, sweet boy.” I bring my hands to his face and bring his lips back to mine. “I love you so much.” I bring one of my hands to his hair and hold him against me. He chuckles into our kiss and slowly pulls back. 

“I love you.” he smiles, settling into his seat. “Let’s go get your vitamins.” he types in the pharmacy into the gps and starts driving us. 

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Aegon insists on carrying all of the bags into our apartment and I roll my eyes watching him struggle. One of them drops to the ground in the elevator and I bend over to pick it up and before I can wrap my fingers around it he’s snatching it up and almost dropping the rest of the bags. 

“Aegon,” I groan, looking at him with raised brows. 

“Just press the button.” he shifts the bags in his grasp and the elevator shoots us upwards. When the doors open he drops the bags to the ground and I bite my lip to hold back my laugh. I go to grab one and he bats my hand away. “Do not grab that bag or any of them.” I shake my head and leave him to clean up. 

“Come to mommy, sweet boy.” I coo scooping up Sunfyre. He purrs in my arms and I turn us to watch Aegon picking up the bags and beginning to unpack them. “Your daddy insists I can’t do anything now. I’m surprised he even let me pick you up.” Aegon turns to me with narrowed eyes at my words. 

“I should put you in bed for the next eight months.” I know he’s serious at the way his face is set. 

“You already keep me in bed as is. How do you think we got pregnant?” I hum looking at him. 

“I still can’t believe it.” he stops unpacking and comes over to me and Sunfyre. He peppers kisses across us and spreads his hand across my stomach. “My wife and the mother of my children.” he hums, pressing his lips to mine. “I’ll be back. We have packages in the lobby. And no, you will not be helping.” I roll my eyes and carry Sunfyre back to his room with a meowing Moonfyre at my feet. 

I curl up with our cats in their room and we watch as the city carries on below us. They bathe each other before curling up next to me on the floor. I pet their silky fur as they sleep and I hear Aegon groaning from the living room. I get up and peek my head out and see him dragging in a large box. 

“Gods, Aegon.” I sigh. “Let me help you.” I walk over to him. 

“Do not put a hand on this box.” he exhales deeply. I watch him drag the box down the hall and he stops and turns to me. “Which room? We haven’t even picked out a nursery.” I walk past him and look in the room closest to him. I look at the spacious room and the wall of windows and nod my head. 

“This one.” I smile at him and he nods, pulling the box in. I walk into the room after him and look around. He stands next to me and looks around. “I think we should put the crib near the windows so they can see outside. Set up the changing table against that wall.” I point to the other side. 

“A rocking chair across from the crib next to the windows. We can get a daybed in here for a little while so we can stay in here with them during the night. Set up a playpen over there. Do you want to paint? Wall stickers? Should we hang stuff from the ceiling?” our minds are going a mile a minute and we stop and look at each other with smiles. “We’re having a baby.” he presses his lips to mine. 

“We’re having a baby.” I nod my head and hold him closer. 

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3 months pregnant 

We decided to wait to tell our parents until we made it through the first trimester. Everything has been going so smoothly I barely feel any different besides the cravings and mood swings. Aegon has been so attentive and I never have to ask for anything because he’s already seen to it. Tonight we asked our parents to come over for dinner and actually up to our apartment and not just our restaurant. 

Aegon is running around the apartment making sure the table is set properly and everything is put in its place. He runs to our nursery and grabs out the four bags for our parents and places them on their seats around the table. The elevator dings and our parents trickle into our apartment with wide smiles. We all embrace and smile before Aegon nods us over to the table with steaming food. I go to pull out my chair and he glares at me before pulling it out for me. I take my seat and he helps push me in before pouring us glasses of water. He hands me a small dish of lemons and I smile up at him and he presses his lips to my forehead before taking his seat. 

“What are these for?” Alicent asks, holding the bag up. 

“They’re gifts for you guys.” I hum looking at them.

“Do we open them now?” my mother looks at me and I turn to Aegon. He shrugs and I shrug back. 

“If you want.” I chuckle and we watch as our parents start to open the bags. My mother gasps and she and Alicent jump up from their chairs and engulf me and Aegon into hugs. 

“How far along?” my mom starts to cry. 

“Three months.” Aegon grins at me.. 

“Three months??” Alicent shakes her head. “Why did you guys wait so long?” she wraps her arms around me tighter. “Has he been good to you?” she whispers in my ear. 

“Gods, I can’t even lift a finger without him whining that I should be resting.” I smile, turning my head to look at Aegon. 

“You should be. Why would you do anything when I am perfectly capable?” he pressed his lips against my hand. 

“Atta boy.” Viserys raises his glass to Aegon who raises his water in return. 

“No wine to celebrate?” Alicent asks Aegon with a raised brow. 

“If my wife has to be sober then so will I.” he smiles at me. 

“I didn’t think I’d see this day.” Alicent shakes her head with a smile. 

The rest of dinner is filled with our mothers cooing and showing us all of the things they’ve already bought. Once we finish our meal we show them what we’ve been working on in the nursery and our mothers tell us they’ll be over within the week with more. My father squeezes me tightly and tells me how happy he is for me. We slowly start to walk them to the elevator and Alicent looks at Aegon with daggers. 

“You treat her well.” she hisses and I lean against his side. 

“He treats me very well.” I nod to her and her face softens. 

“Let me know if that changes.” she nods to me. We wave at them until the doors close and we both collectively let out a sigh. 

“Remind me why we didn’t just avoid them for nine months?” he brings me into his embrace. 

“The same reason you invited them to our honeymoon.” I look up at him and press my lips against his. “I want a bath.” I mumble against his lips. 

“Then we’ll have a bath.” he guides me upstairs and has me take a seat on the bed while he starts our bath. I hear him rummaging around the bathroom and I get up and walk over to see what he’s doing. I see the candles lit and he’s looking through drawers clearly on a hunt for something. 

“What are you looking for?” I hum coming to rub his back. 

“Do we not have bath bombs?” he frowns. “Did we use the last one?” he pulls open another drawer. 

“We did.” he groans. “But it’s okay. We have other things.” I offer him a soft smile and bring out the basket where it’s all kept. 

We add different things in and the smells waft around the bathroom. Aegon goes and turns off the lights and we’re cast in a warm glow. He starts to undress me and I offer him the same soft touches. He steps into the tub first saying he needs to check the temperature first. He settles back against the tub and helps me sit between his thighs. I rest my head back against his chest and he wraps his arms around me.

His hand cups my jaw turning my head so he can capture my lips. I sigh happily as his hands begin to roam across my body. His fingers tease the skin around my breasts and I whine when his fingers roll my nipples. One of his hands dip beneath the water and settle between my thighs. 

“I just wanna touch you, pretty girl.” he hums, kissing my neck. My head falls back on his chest again as a moan falls from my lips as he starts to swirl my bud. His fingers slide down my slit and I jerk back against him as he moves back up to my bud. “So beautiful. So sensitive.” he mumbles against my skin. 

“Aegon,” his name like a plea on my lips as my hips chase his fingers. With a few more circles of his fingers I’m coming undone in his arms. My chest heaves as he slowly moves his fingers around my body. His touch is light as he whispers sweetly in my ear. 

“My wife. I love you so much.” his arms wrap around me once more as we sink lower into the steaming water and soak in each other's embrace. 

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5 months pregnant 

Aegon and I are taking turns to see who can squeeze each other's hand the hardest in the dark room of my obstetrician. I’m laying on my back on the table and he’s pulled the chair directly next to me. I take a deep breath and squeeze as hard as I possibly can. 

“Ow,” Aegon chuckles, pulling his hand away. 

“I win.” I smirk at him. He grabs my hand once more and places his lips on it. There’s three knocks on the door before the doctor enters with a smile. 

“How have you been?” she smiles warmly at me while sitting on her stool. 

“I’ve been great. Sleeping fine. No morning sickness.” I hum trying to think of anything else. 

“That’s wonderful to hear.” she turns and rolls over to us. 

I lift my shirt up knowing the process and she apologizes as the cold jelly is squeezed onto me. Aegon's hand is still clasped in mine and his thumb is rubbing circles into my skin. I watch him with a soft smile and he turns to me to return in. Our heads turn to the monitor as our baby appears. Warmth spreads throughout me as I watch the little life we created. 

“Do you want me to tell you the gender?” she beams at us. “I could write it down too. Or if you don’t want to know that’s cool too.” she nods looking at the monitor again. I look at Aegon and he nods his head quickly. 

“We want to know.” I nod my head at her with a smile. 

“You’re having a little boy.” Aegon gasps at her words and I turn to him with teary eyes. 

“A boy.” I coo at him and he squeezes my hand. 

“Congratulations you two.” the doctor looks at us with a smile. 

She finishes up with her exam and prints out the pictures from the ultrasound. Aegon stares at them in awe as I get cleaned up. He stands and helps me sit up and get off the table. Once we’re in the parking garage he pulls me against him. 

“We’re going to have a son.” he presses his lips against mine. “A little boy. Our boy.” he rests his hand on the side of my bump. He helps me into the car and looks at me once he’s settled behind the wheel. “Do you want to go shopping?” he smiles at me. 

“And get lunch?” I bat my eyelashes at him. 

“Of course,” he hums. “Where do you want to go?” he smiles. 

“The waterside one.” he nods his head and starts us in that direction. “I can’t believe we’re having a boy.” I rest my hand on my stomach and look down. 

I smile as we pull into the parking lot. Aegon jogs to my door and helps me out, always keeping a hand on me. I sigh as the smells flood my nose and we’re ushered through the restaurant out to the deck. I look out at the water and turn back to Aegon with a soft smile. 

“I love it here. I love you so much.” my eyes start to water. “We’re having a little boy.” my voice wavers and I know I’m seconds away from bawling. 

“I love you, pretty girl.” he offers me a smile reaching for my hands. “Let your tears out.” he nods and I hiccup as my tears start to fall down my face. He walks around the table and hugs me. He rubs soothing circles on my back as I cling to him. 

“I just,” I sniffle. “I just love you so much, Aegon. I love our little boy. I want to meet him so badly.” he pulls back and starts to wipe my tears. 

“Just a couple more months.” he nods his head and presses his lips to my forehead. 

“Hi- oops. I can come back.” our waiter scrambles after interrupting us. 

“No,” I shake my head, waving him back over. “I’m sorry. We’re good.” I smile up at him and he nods avoiding eye contact. 

We order and Aegon jokes with the waiter who starts to relax. As we wait for our food we talk about the next couple of months as my tears start to dry. When our food is brought out I groan at how perfect it is. We steal glances at each other and sometimes when I look at him it’s as if we’re meeting for the first time again. 

“Did you know I love you like so much?” I take a sip of water. 

“Mm, I thought we were just coparenting.” he raises his brow and I roll my eyes at him. 

“Be nice to me or I’ll start crying again.” I kick his foot under the table and he laughs. 

“Where do you want to go shopping after this?” he smiles at me as they begin to clear our table. 

“Home. I’m full and tired. We can shop online.” I lean back in my chair. 

“Of course. Anything you want.” he nods, handing the waiter his card. 

Once we’re back in his car he presses his lips to mine and I hold onto him tightly. He deepens our kiss and I whine into his mouth. He pulls back shaking his head and starts our drive home. I look over at him and nibble at my lip admiring him and he softly pats my thigh. I’m thankful we get home quickly because I just want to lay in bed. 

“Come on, sleepy girl.” he hums helping me out of the car. 

He leads me straight to our room and peels my clothes off before helping me into bed. He leans down and presses kisses across my bump as I lay back. Aegon adjusts the pillows and runs out of our room and quickly returns with different drinks for me. He lays in bed next to me and we stare at each other. A small smirk starts to form on his lips as I feel my cheeks heating. I lean over to kiss him and gasp, pulling back. 

“What’s wrong?” he’s sitting up and hovering over me instantly. I rest my hand on my bump and smile when I feel it again. I look up at Aegon with watery eyes and he looks at me concerned. “Tell me what’s wrong. Tell me.” he pleads and I grab his hand and place it on my stomach. He gasps and looks at me with tears of his own. “Is that him?” he searches my eyes and I nod. 

“That’s our boy.” I let my tears fall as I rest my hands on my bump. Aegon slides down the bed and places his lips all across my stomach. 

“Mommy and daddy love you so much. We can’t wait to see you.” he hums as I brush my fingers through his hair. “We got you so much stuff. We have cats and so many toys.” he coos and my heart swells. “Mommy cries about you everyday. She wants to meet you so badly. So do I, but I like getting to take care of her so thoroughly.” I tug his hair at his words. 

We stay curled up in bed, drifting in and out of sleep for the rest of the day only waking to drink some water and buy more things for our son. 

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7 month pregnant 

My eyes blink open and I stare up at the ceiling. I chuckle looking in the mirrors thinking back to them being our deciding factor to buy this place. I look over Aegon and I tangled in the sheets and he has his head pressed against my chest and a protective hand on my bump. I start to run my fingers through his hair and he starts to stir. 

“Good morning, my beautiful wife.” he mumbles before sliding down to my stomach. “Good morning, my sweet son.” he nuzzles against my bump and lets his eyes close again. 

“I need to go to the bathroom.” I whine tugging at his hair. He’s up instantly and helping me out of bed and into the bathroom. Once I’m done I walk out and see him sprawled in bed again. He turns over to me and smiles as I walk back to the bed. 

“You look divine.” he gets out of the bed again to help me back in. 

Once I’m resting against my pillows again his mouth is on me. I let out soft gasps as he kisses down my neck. His mouth presses across my chest and when he encases one of my nipples I sigh holding him closer. Ever since they started swelling he hasn’t left them alone. He leaves my peak glistening before he travels to my other. His hand travels between my thighs and I let out a soft whine as he teases my bud. I look up at the mirrors and watch as he slowly coaxes pleasure from me. 

“Are you watching me worship you, pretty girl?” he chuckles looking up at me through his lashes and I nod with flushed cheeks. 

He continues to suck at my nipples while he slips two fingers into my core. I gasp as his fingers and mouth slowly work through me as I tremble in his arms. He kisses back up my chest and licks across my neck before claiming my lips. I whine into his mouth as he starts to circle my bud with his thumb and I feel my pleasure approaching. He pulls back and goes down to my neck once more as his fingers start to curl. 

“My beautiful wife.” he hums and my high starts to wash over me as small whimpers pour from my mouth. “Do you want to come on my mouth too.” he chuckles as I quickly nod and he makes his way between my legs. His hair tickles my thighs and I moan loudly as his tongue slides up my slit. 

“Aegon, please,” I sob as his fingers softly rub circles onto my hips as he lashes at my bud. My legs shake on either side of him as my pleasure is quickly approaching. “I’m gunna, yes,” I squeak as my pleasure bursts through me. 

“I need you to ride me. I need to see you.” I pout at his words not wanting to exude that much energy. “Stop with this.” he kisses my lips. “I'll do the work. Let me make you feel good.” he presses his lips down my jaw. 

It took a lot of moving and situating pillows in different positions but I’m straddling his thighs comfortably. His hands are gently squeezing into my sides as his eyes roam all over my body. He lifts me up and lines up at my entrance and when I slide down on him my toes curl as he slowly fills me. He starts to slowly move me up and down watching my face the entire time. 

I had thought my body wouldn’t have wanted to move but feeling him inside me has me bouncing on my own. My hands are digging into his shoulders as his dig into my sides, grinding me against him. He kisses across my chest and I clench around him as he takes one of my nipples into my mouth. I roll my hips into his and I start to come undone. He holds my hips up as he starts to push up into me and I sigh holding onto him tightly smothering him into my chest. 

“Aegon, please,” I whine, holding him tighter. He groans against my chest as his pleasure pours into me. We continue holding each other, calming our panting until I pull back and look at him. “I wanna lay back down.” he nods and lifts me off of him. 

He moves all my pillows back into its mountain and helps me lay back on them. He gets up and runs to get me drinks and snacks regardless of me telling him I’m fine. After he fills my night stand he crawls back into bed with me and we drift back to bed. 

                                         ᓚᘏᗢ

When I wake up for the second time today Aegon is not at my side. I push the blankets off and slowly get out of bed. I pull on a robe and start making my way through the apartment to find him. I stop when I hear him cooing in the nursery. I peek my head around the doorframe and see him taking pictures of the inside of the crib. I walk in and he turns to me and waves me over.

“Look at them.” he whispers and I look over the rail and see our cats curled up. 

“We’ll have to put a cat tower in here.” I smile looking down at our little boys. 

“I just ordered one.” he nibbles his lip looking at me. “And I looked it up and cats are good with babies. We have to introduce them but they’ll probably just think he’s a kitten.” a slow smile spreads across my face as he rambles on about his searches. 

“You’re very well informed.” I chuckle before placing my lips on his. 

“Well I want all of our sons to get along.” he purses his lips. “Our daybed will be here tomorrow. I got us another rocking chair too.” he mumbles as we step back and look at the room. 

“Two months until he’s here.” I smile and he turns to me with a grin. 

“Gods, I can’t wait.” he hums, going over to the boxes and bags still filled with things. “Come sit down.” he comes back over to me and leads me to the rocking chair. “Perfect.” he kisses my forehead. 

“You’re perfect.” he tosses me a smile over his shoulder and begins to start unpacking some of the bags. 

“This is the bag I got for when we go to the hospital. I was also looking up what to bring and what other people bring and I started a list. I want us to be ready. I’ll decorate your room and make sure you can watch your love show and I’ll stay with you and-“

“Aegon,” I hum and he turns to me. “We have time. Please take time for yourself too.” he scrunches his brows and shakes his head. 

“No? I want to get everything done. It needs to be perfect. I don’t want to fuck this up. I don’t need my mother to find something to yell at me about. Or maybe you won’t think I’m good enough. Then you’ll think I’m a bad dad. Then you’ll leave me.” he keeps going and I get up from the rocking chair and walk over to him and offer him my hand and he looks up at me with a frown. 

“Stand up, sweet boy.” I tug at his hands and he rises above me. I let go of his hands and cup his face. “I will never leave you. No matter what. I’ve never raised a kid and you’ve never raised a kid. We’re doing this together. As long as he’s loved and cherished, which he already is, we’re doing good. I’ve never been more thankful for someone than you. I know I haven’t been the easiest to deal with but you’ve done it without complaint for the past seven months.” his eyes start to water and I brush them away. He pulls me against him and I hold him tightly, smoothing his hair as he continues to cry. 

“I shouldn’t be like this. I’m supposed to take care of you.” he sniffles standing back. 

“Shh.” I pull him back to me. “Let’s take a bath and go back to bed. I’ll make one of our mothers come over and finish unpacking. You’re done working for the rest of the week.” I shake my head not allowing him to change his mind. I lead him back up to our room and he watches me with a frown as I turn on the bath. 

“Go sit down.” he bats my hand away and starts to prepare the bath. 

“Aegon, you stressed is stressing me out. Please go sit down so we can get in the bath and relax.” he nods at me and goes to sit back at my vanity watching me. Once the bath is filled and ready we sink into the water and cling to each other until it turns tepid. 

“I love you. Thank you.” Aegon mumbles as we curl into bed watching a movie. 

“I love you.” I hum pressing my lips to his before pulling our blankets over us. 

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birth

I look up at Aegon from the hospital bed and he looks down at me with a smile. He looks up as the doctor comes in and starts going through what’s going to be happening for the rest of the night. My nerves start to get the best of me and he grabs my hand and squeezes it reassuringly. 

“Are you okay?” he leans down to me. 

“I’m nervous. I’m scared.” I look up at him with watery eyes. 

“What can we do to make you feel better? Safer? More ready?” the doctor nods at me with a soft smile. “We’ve been waiting months for this. You get to meet your little boy today.” she hums typing onto the computer. 

“I have the lights you like. I brought our favorite blanket. Do you want another pillow?” Aegon brushes my hair back and presses his lips to my forehead. 

“I just wanna meet him. I want to be done being pregnant.” Aegon lets out a soft chuckle. 

“Soon, pretty girl. I’ll be here with you. You can squeeze my hand really hard and yell at me and then we get to meet our little boy. You’re so amazing for carrying him. I’m in awe of you. I love you.” my eyes water at his words. 

“I love you.” I sniffle looking up at him. 

The next couple of minutes go by quickly and I have the nurse tell our parents to wait outside. I’m overwhelmed as is and won’t have them adding to it. More nurses trickle in along with the doctor and they help Aegon get cleaned and put on his little paper scrub outfit. I look at him with a smile and hold my hand out for him as he comes back to my side. 

They finish setting everything up and turn to me and nod. With the help of the shot they gave me I barely feel anything. I feel some pressure but I’m ready and I have Aegon next to me making me feel more prepared. Our son comes after a handful of pushes and I start sobbing when I hear his first cry. Aegon walks down to our son with his mouth agape and the nurses help him cut the cord. I watch with watery eyes as he wraps him and brings him to me. 

“Our son.” when his eyes meet mine I see that he’s crying. “You did it.” he hums placing our son in my arms. “I love you.” he whispers and presses kisses across my forehead. 

I cry harder looking down at our son. Aegon smoothes my hair and answers all of the doctor's questions. I hand our son back to the nurses so they can finish checking him over and I watch them from the bed. After a couple of minutes everything is cleaned up and I’m propped up with my son back in my arms. 

“Can we come in?” my mother coos from the doorway and Aegon looks at me. 

“Mom,” I cry looking at her. She comes to my side and she starts crying with me. 

“My baby and her baby.” she hums looking down at him. 

Alicent comes to my other side and hugs Aegon while smiling at me. The visit goes better than expected and they leave surprisingly quickly without needing to be prompted. Aegon and I spend hours just staring at our sleeping son and smiling at each other. 

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masterlist 🔌 

i’m thinking the next part is going to be the last chapter filled with sappy dad!aegon and cute shit 🥹 if it ends up not being that last part then i’ll just drag it out one more chapter 😂🤭 

taglist ✍️

@clarityisnofun @gabriella-aesthetic @callsignwidow @llynx7 @violetiss3lfish @ka1afbr @akiko-oo @papichulo120627 @lizzylovebooks280501 @thatgirl101blog @1-fuzzy-squirrels @arya-brooke @ashovertheriver @zanygot7straykidsbonk @moonymoo1 @malfoycassimalfoy @april-notthemonth69 @anaviieiraaa @p45510n4f4shi0n @neocockthotology @thereaderwitch @hardkiddonut @faenyra @hiimava11 @daintylittlesunflower @primroseluna @fiction-fanfic-reader @povofjustme @multilover19 @alexxavicry @cedstars @fuckalrighty @mrsmunson-harrington @misspendragonsworld @nz2004 @ninihrtss

[1toreyouapart]

What It Cost

****THIS IS A FICTIONAL STORY BASED ON REAL PEOPLE. 18+ ONLY. I DO NOT OWN THE RIGHTS TO THE PEOPLE OR MUSIC MENTIONED IN THIS STORY OUTSIDE OF LILITH AND SADIE AND MAYBE A COUPLE OTHERS. DO NOT READ IF YOU’RE NOT UP FOR FANFIC INVOLVING REAL PEOPLE***

Terrible summary: Five years since she last spoke to him. Since she last saw him. Now his face and his voice is everywhere. She can't escape him.

Five years ago Noah destroyed her and the life they had built. Now he’s back and seeking to make amends. As much as she wants to say that it's too little too late, is it?

CW/TW: Angst, mention of addiction, cheating. Mention of character death. Language. Smut (later on). PinV, unprotected PinV (wrap it before you tap it, friends), oral (f&m receiving). All smutty warnings happen later on, so I’ll update TW/CW warning labels as those parts are written and posted. If I forget anything, please let me know so I can fix it! Thank you!

Part 6 - Lilith

Noah had text her two hours ago, asking if they could talk. Again. Since then she'd been an anxious mess. Part of her was shocked he hadn't just shown up like the last time. Everything in her told him to tell him no. That there was nothing to talk about anymore. He had said he was sorry and they could go about their lives. But she couldn't bring herself to do it. Couldn't bring herself to tell him to leave her alone. What the fuck was wrong with her? She should hate him. So why couldn't she?

Sadie joined her on the back porch, handing her a takeout container and a fork. Lilly couldn't help the smile at the small gesture. She'd sort of started the tradition back when the two of them had just met, always giving Sadie food from her and Noah's dates. Now it was her doing it after hers and Jolly's.

"He wants to talk."

"So, no stomach for food at the moment?" Sadie took the food back, knowing too well what happened if she ate while nervous. It wouldn't stay down long.

"I don't know what to say." Lilly sighed, her stomach starting to churn more forcefully.

"Listen," Sadie began. "I know we all know I'm still pissed at him. But, maybe hear him out? He at least seems like he's trying."

Lilly huffed out a laugh, dropping her head into her hands, elbows resting on her knees. She had expected Sadie to tell her to ignore him or to tell him to fuck off. Which almost would have guaranteed she agree to talk to him. Probably something Sadie had counted on, actually.

"I don't know-"

"Lilly, I heard him, too. He's never sounded like that. Jolly said he's been locked up in his room since." She sighed. "Maybe talk to him. If you don't want to hear what he has to say, that's fine, but at least give him a chance to do what he should have done years ago."

Sadie had a point. Never had she seen Noah like that. Sure, she had seen him close a few times when things weren't going right, but never to the point that he was on his knees, clutching his chest like that. The way he had sounded, like he was breaking. Shattering right in front of her. How unfocused his eyes had been. He hadn't been there in the present. Noah had been somewhere else in his mind.

Chewing on her bottom lip she picked up her phone, debating between texting him back and just calling him. Suddenly Sadie reached over, taking her phone from her.

"Hey!"

"Jesus. You both need to learn how to just get on with it." Sadie laughed, typing out a response for her and hitting send. "He'll probably be here soon. I'll make myself scarce."

***

Her heart leapt into her throat as she watched him pull up, her hands beginning to shake. Fuck. Right now seemed like a real good time to start smoking. Maybe she should have had some wine or something first. Either way she needed something to calm the nerves. Yet here she was empty handed, watching as he climbed out of his car, a tall iced coffee in hand. No hoodie this time. Just a pair of shorts and a plain white shirt.

She watched, helpless, as he climbed the steps onto the porch. Watched as he walked over to her, holding out the iced coffee for her. Her stomach flipped at the realization that he had brought her some kind of peace offering.

"Iced spiced chai, double shot, with a pump of pumpkin, right?" He asked, his voice soft.

"You remember my order." It wasn't a question, more of an observation than anything. Carefully, she reached out, taking the coffee from him, grateful to have something to hold. "Thank you."

Noah nodded, sitting in the chair opposite her. She had to admit to herself she was shocked that after all this time he had remembered something so small. Then again, she clearly hadn't changed much in five years if she still got the same coffee every day. Nervous, she took a sip, not daring to look up at him.

"Sorry about the other night," he started.

"I don't know. I think that's the most honest I've ever seen you, Noah," she quipped, wincing at her own harshness. "Sorry."

"No," he chuckled. "That's fair. That's really fucking fair."

"I'm not sorry that I finally was honest with you. I am, however, sorry that I started having a fucking panic attack, though."

"You're okay, though?" She asked, finally looking up at him.

Now that she looked at him she could see just how tired he was. Like he had barely slept. And deep down she felt bad for him. And maybe a little guilty. Maybe she shouldn't have been so hard on him the other night.

"Honestly? Been better. But, comes with the territory, I suppose."

The two of them sat there, a heavy silence falling between them. There he was, being honest again. The Noah she had known would have said he was fine. He would have skirted around the issue entirely and made a stupid joke.

"Listen, Bambi. I fucked up. Royally. You didn't deserve any of the shit that I did. Even the stuff you overlooked from the start." He grimaced, remembering some of the shit he had done.

"Noah-"

"Nope. Not done. You are also the first person I should have reached out to once I got sober. Instead I've been too chicken shit, as Nicholas loves to point out, to face you because the shit I put you through at the end? That was beyond fucked up. Like, way beyond. I was doing shit just to hurt you. And you deserved better. You still deserve better."

Lilith sat there, gripping the coffee he had brought her, feeling like she was going to vomit. Tears blurred her vision, her mind racing. Here he was, giving her more of an apology than she had ever thought she would get. And as much as she wanted to be angry, she just couldn't anymore. She wanted to scream and yell and call him an asshole, but the anger and the words just wouldn't come. Where did she go from here?

Tag: @collisionofyourkissmakesitsohard

[babygirl-diaz]

Planning My Wedding With Some Guy I'll Never Marry

"Jee, wait!" Buck ran after his giggling 4-year-old niece as she made an escape towards the front door.

Jee threw the door open before Buck could get to her and squealed. "Uncle Eddie!"

Buck stopped behind Jee and saw how Eddie's face lit up at the sight of her.

"Hi Jee Yun!" Eddie said excitedly and waved at her. He got on the floor and gave her a hug.

Buck's heart did a flip when he saw that but he ignored it. "What are you doing here?"

"You don't want me here?" Eddie asked as he stood up.

"No- I- I didn't mean that," Buck huffed. "Do you want cupcakes?"

"Uncle Eddie, come have cupcakes!" Jee said excitedly as she took Eddie's hand and led him to the kitchen.

Eddie smiled and followed her. Buck had no idea when she started calling Eddie 'Uncle' as well, but he liked that.

"I came to check on you," Eddie finally replied after settling down with the pretty pink cupcake that Jee had decorated.

"Thanks, but I'm better now," Buck replied and scrunched his nose lovingly at Jee. "This little one made my day significantly better."

Eddie took some frosting and put it on Jee's nose, making Jee adorably frown at him. "Kids make everything significantly better," he replied. "So what are we doing now?"

"We?" Buck asked.

"Play!" Jee provided

"I love that idea!" Eddie replied and smirked at Buck. "What should we play, Jee?"

Jee tapped her cheek and hummed as she thought about it. "Wedding!"

"Wedding?" Eddie asked. "How do we play that?"

"Uncle Buck and you get married!" Jee replied excitedly and clapped her hands together.

Now it was Buck's turn to smirk. "What? Scared, Diaz?"

"Scared of what? Marrying you?" Eddie huffed.

"Scared of being perceived as anything other than straight," Buck teased.

Buck's pretty sure he heard Eddie say "about that" under his breath and he felt his heart almost leap out of his chest.

"Okay, Uncle Eddie, you stand there," Jee said bringing Eddie over to the couch. "Uncle Buck, you stand there," Jee added, bringing Buck next to Eddie.

Buck briefly looked over at Eddie to see him smiling. He has been so carefree lately, and Buck loves to see that.

"Uncle Buckkkkk!"

Jee's voice brought Buck out of his thoughts and he looked over to see her standing there with her hands on her hips. "Up!" She said. "I wants to stand on the couch!"

"Oh!" Buck immediately picked Jee up and put her on the couch.

"We need rings!" Jee whined.

"I've got some ring pops from Halloween?" Buck suggested

"Okay!" Jee perked up again.

Buck ran to the kitchen and returned with a red and a green ring pop. "Which one you want?" He asked Eddie.

"Red!" Eddie replied and snatched the green one from Buck's hand.

Buck rolled his eyes and turned around to face Jee. "So are you the priest?"

"What?"

Buck heard Eddie's nervous voice and looked over at him confused. "What?"

"Did you say something about the priest?" Eddie asked.

Buck looked at him weirdly and then said, "I was just asking Jee if she was the priest since that's easier for her to say than 'officiant'."

"Oh," Eddie visibly let out a breath and Buck was even more confused by that.

"Uncle Buck, put the ring on Uncle Eddie's finger!" Jee demanded.

"Don't I get to say my vows?" Buck asked.

"What's vows?" Jee asked adorably and tilted her head to the side.

"Hmmm.... It's something the people getting married say to each other so that they can remain best friends forever," Buck explained.

"Okay! Say your vows!" Jee said excitedly.

"Eddie Diaz, you're my best friend, my rock, and I don't know how I could have gotten through this breakup without you. Thank you for tolerating me and of course, marrying me. I hope I can be a good husband to you," Buck found himself meaning that last part.

"Hey, man, I'm always here for you, no matter what," Eddie replied. "You got me through these last few months without Chris. I didn't think I would be able to do it alone. You also helped me get out of my shell and accept myself. I owe you Bria- BUCK!"

Buck's eyes widened when he heard his slip of the tongue. "Wh-"

"Uncle Buck! Ring!" Jee insisted.

Buck looked at her. "Huh?"

"Ring!" Jee whined.

"Oh, sorry, right!" Buck took the red Ring Pop and then asked for Eddie's hand. He pushed it past the second knuckle on Eddie's ring finger.

"Yay!" Jee cheered and clapped her hands. "Uncle Eddie! Now you!"

Eddie took the green Ring Pop and put it on Buck's ring finger. "Till Ring Pop does us apart?" He joked.

"Something like that," Buck replied and rolled his eyes.

"Now kiss!" Jee told them.

"What?!" Both Buck and Eddie exclaimed at the same.

"Kiss kiss kiss!" She insisted.

"Can we hug?" Eddie asked.

"Noooooo... kiss!" Jee pouted at them and crossed her arms.

"I guess we're kissing then," Eddie laughed nervously.

Buck felt like his heart was about to leap out of his chest as he leaned in and met Eddie halfway. They pecked quickly but Buck still felt a spark.

They both pulled away and Eddie grinned at Jee. "Happy?"

"Yes!" Jee replied. "Now let's dance!"

And dance they did. The three of them jumped and danced around to Olivia Rodrigo songs (Buck making sure they were the clean versions) but it was cathartic. Buck picked Jee up at one point and both Eddie and Buck gave her a kiss each on the cheek.

Jee was soon out of it and fell asleep with her head on Buck's shoulder.

Buck sat down on the couch and Eddie sat down beside him, smiling at him.

"You sure you're good?" Eddie asked.

"I think I will be. I mean, break-up baking aside, I have my favorite people around me, that's all I need," Buck replied.

"Hey, I know we never really talked about-"

"Don't say his name!" Buck warned, making Jee stir against him.

Buck gently thumped her back to have her sleep again. "Sorry, I just- I don't wanna talk about him."

"Okay," Eddie nodded in understanding.

They stayed quiet for what seemed like hours.

"I think I have a crush on a priest," Eddie finally spoke up.

Buck turned his head so quick towards him that he almost gave himself whiplash. "What?"

"Yeah..." Eddie replied without looking at him and offered no other explanation.

"Well, shit," Buck replied and looked ahead.

They both sighed at the same time and it was obvious for very different reasons.

[alex-thegiraffeboyy]

Chapter 4: Promise

Bewitched Masterlist

Summary: You cope with the loss of your loved ones and try to reconnect with someone you thought was dead.

WARNINGS❗: Violence, descriptions of death, panic attacks, almost death, reference to reader working in a brothel (nothing explicit), blood.

Words: 2.4K

A/N: As I said in one of my posts, writing this was very difficult because I just want to make comfort for my wife. Maybe I'll write a shot or two apart from this fanfic. Let me know if you are interested! (And sorry for this chapter)

You were right. They should never have done that job.

Now they were all dead.

After their first kiss they never talked about it again. They didn't have time (much less when they were interrupted by their brothers who wanted to see if everyt

hing was okay). So yep, they never talked about how they felt.

And now they lost that opportunity forever.

After robbing the townhouse upstairs everything started to go downhill. Mylo got them in trouble and soon after the enforcers arrived. From then on everything went from bad to worse. Until it came to this.

Your friends, dead.

You weren't there when it all happened. You couldn't have been. After witnessing Benzo's death you fell into a nervous breakdown. You tried to comfort Ekko, but your breathing was getting shallower and shallower and the tears were building up faster and faster, but you still managed to stay calm enough to climb down from the roof with Ekko to unlock the door that locked Vi.

After opening the door you stood with Ekko, you heard him say a couple of things to Vi, you even felt him move away from your side to get closer to her, but you didn't move an inch. Your head felt empty and your gaze felt blurry. A white noise buzzed in your ears. You thought you heard Vi speak, but, again, you didn't understand what she was saying. Your mind had only an image playing over and over and over and over....

And over again.

The screams of the executioners and the sound of gunshots.... The muffled sound of bodies falling to the ground. The image of your brother, paralyzed from his hiding place on the roof, watching everything, as always. You didn't stop him in time, but you had no way of knowing what was going to happen. They both heard Benzo cursing the person in front of them (Silco, she seemed to remember) and Vander trying to stop him. The next thing they heard was a thump and Vander's scream. They saw the blood splatter and heard the loud clang of metal against the floor. And from there they saw the body of the man who had adopted them. Bleeding out on the floor. And at some point you managed to get out of shock and hugged Ekko against your chest, preventing him from seeing what was happening in front of you. But you saw it all. Vander being beaten again and again, the blood spilled, the executioner who delivered them and the man leaving as the creature dragged Vi's father away. All the while you felt your brother trembling against you, sobbing silently. Clinging to the only family he had left. And you clung to him too, trying to comfort him (and yourself too) as you watched the spectacle of blood in front of you.

The bodies. The empty looks. The violence. It was all in your head.

But maybe, maybe if you had insisted more. If you'd stopped Vi, if you hadn't given in to helping them, maybe you could have prevented this, maybe Benzo would still be alive and Vander would be safe, maybe we all....

"Sunshine"

Suddenly it all disappeared, her voice and her hand on your shoulder bringing you abruptly back to reality. You blinked a couple of times before you could focus on her in front of you. Vi looked worried. She gently brought her hand to your cheek, holding and caressing it as her other hand slid from your shoulder to your waist gently. You saw her turn to Ekko, nodding to him before he left the room.

A little later you realized. You were shaking.

Once Ekko left the room your tremors increased more and more, tears ran hot down your cheeks one after another while your breathing became shallower and shallower.

Your head was spinning and you felt like you couldn't breathe. Your legs failed, but Vi, as quick and observant as ever, held you up before you had a chance to fall. She held you against her and gently guided you both to sit on the floor as you hid in the crook of her neck. She held you tightly against her chest as she too let out some of her own pain.

And all was silent for a moment.

Until it wasn't.

First she heard a muffled sound, a sob, she thought. But it came again and she felt you writhing against her. Quickly she forced her body away from yours and looked at your face, painted in a horrifying mixture of pain and panic. In a panicked voice she asked you what was wrong, but you couldn't answer. You shook your head, eyes wide and one hand holding your shirt. She saw you squirm a couple of times before she noticed. You couldn't breathe properly.

However, she remembered seeing you help Powder at some point where her sister had had some panic or anxiety attack. So she could only replicate your actions. She held your free hand and brought it up to her chest while her other hand held your neck and part of your jaw.

Vi softly whispered your name, looking at you gently and firmly, capturing your attention "Breathe with me, okay? Can you do that for me?" Despite the nervousness and anxiety that was also boiling in her chest, Vi tried to regulate her heartbeat to give you some reassurance. Something to hold on to. "Feel my heartbeat, focus on that."

A few moments passed like that, until you finally managed to get your breathing back together a little and a sob mixed with an attempt to cough came out of you, letting out relieved sigh from Vi's lips "There you are, honey" A clearer sob came out of you before you started crying again, but this time more calmly "You're doing great, love" she slowly brought your foreheads together until you had them against each other.

A restless part of her wanted to run out and find Vander. She needed to know where he had been taken. She needed to go looking for him.

But I knew I couldn't leave you. Not like this at least.

So she stood there with you for a while longer, holding you and reassuring you while trying to do the same for herself.

A few minutes later, you were stable enough to regulate your emotions.

"Thank you."

Vi had barely been able to hear you. Your hoarse, cracked voice had barely come out in a tiny whisper. Her heart couldn't help but squeeze.

"You're welcome honey."

But her heart squeezed even tighter when she realized she needed to ask you that question. And she needed to ask it now.

"Sunshine" Violet whispered against you. You let out a small murmur to make it clear to her that you heard her "Where did they take him?"

Your heart stopped for a moment. And you couldn't help but want to cry again.

"Vi..."

"Please."

Her voice, just as broken as yours, begged you as you pulled her body apart so you could see her face. A silent plea etched in her gaze.

"I can't lose you too" hot tears pooled in the corners of your eyes, threatening to slide down your cheeks again.

"I can't afford to lose him too" she sobbed as she held your hand tightly "I can't lose anyone else".

The worst thing is that you understood her. That's why you told her where you had heard they were taking Vander.

How much you regretted it now.

You tried to go with her, you really did. But she made you promise to stay in the store. I couldn't let you go with her, not when you were so unstable. Not when she was so afraid something would happen to you.

"I can't lose you both" She had whispered that afternoon in a broken voice as she held you against her "I can't lose you."

So you made a promise.

You promised to distance yourself from Vander's rescue. You promised to take care of Powder if anything happened.

But Vi assured you that nothing would happen, that they would come back with Vander. That she would come back to you.

What a big lie.

So you didn't say goodbye. Just see you soon.

You often think about it.

You saw her leave in a hurry. Not before giving you a hug and leaving you in Ekko's care. Your little brother stood for a moment by the door, watching your gaze lost in the blood-covered glass. He slowly approached you and plopped down next to you on the floor, resting his head on your stomach, trying to hug you despite his small musculature. You put an arm around him, while your other hand gently caressed his head.

"We're going to be fine Ekko."

And they were, eventually.

You think that's one of the only promises you were able to keep back then.

After Vi left, you and Ekko stayed in that room for a while, side by side until you fell asleep. Until you heard the explosion, waking you both up. You remember running outside the tent and seeing blue smoke in the sky. An alarm went off in your head. Violet.

That was the first promise you broke.

You hesitated, you really tried to stay in the tent with Ekko. But your concern for your friends was greater. You made sure your brother stayed in there before you left.

When you arrived the flames had already been extinguished and the blood on the floor was diluted with rainwater. You carefully entered the building, trying not to step on anything that would cause a collapse. You searched all that remained of what was once the warehouse. You waited for a scream, a sob, something to tell you they were here and needed help. It never came. But you still stayed.

But they say that the curiosity killed the cat.

It was when you were about to give up that you found them. Or at least what was left of them.

You found only fragments of their bodies charred by fire. And you did manage to make out the head of Powder's toy monkey. And that told you everything you needed to know.

You returned to the tent, Ekko waiting for you at the entrance. You didn't need to tell him anything, your expression revealed everything he needed to know.

They were dead.

Then you broke your second promise.

You tried to carry on with Ekko for a few years, working for Babette for half the week (which Ekko didn't like very much), but soon after you quit your part-time job to devote yourself entirely to the project you had created with your brother after you both found a big tree in one of the corners of the undercity. The firelights.

But some time before you retired from your job you found out about it. One of your customers told you about it after you completed your work (some people sometimes got very talkative).

Powder was alive, and she called herself Jinx now.

It took everything you had not to cry like a baby in front of your client. How did you not find out sooner? You could have take care of her all this time, you could have been there for her after her siblings died.

But then your client blurted out one more piece of information. Powder Jinx worked for Silco.

That bastard.

That same day, after your workday, you returned to the room (if you could call it that) that you shared with Ekko in the tree and told him everything. You both agreed that you should go and look for her.

Maybe she would be angry, but the least you could do was to try. So they did.

When they found her she was alone on the roof of The Last Drop. Let's just say things were getting worse by the minute.

"Sunny?" her voice, broken and frightened as her eyes shifted from Ekko to you in panic "What are you doing here?"

You tried to approach her, but stopped when she took a step backwards.

"Pow, I swear we didn't know, we thought you were-"

"Dead?" she finished coolly. You nodded carefully, looking into her eyes. "And now that you found me what?"

It was then that Ekko decided to enter the conversation "Powder us-" For a split second something changed in her eyes, as if she wasn't there.

"Shut up" She blurted out, not looking at either of them.

"What?" Ekko turned to look at you, concerned.

"I'm not talking to you, asshole."

"Powder, we just want to..." But she didn't let you finish.

"Don't call me that" she shouted, this time looking back at you "You and Vi are the same trash, always tricking me so you can tell me what to do. You don't care about me at all."

Ekko took a step forward, standing next to you as he raised his hands, trying to calm his once friend "That's not true, Powder. We really-"

"I SAID DON'T CALL ME THAT" She shouted loudly, this time pointing her gun at your brother's head "You have no right, I don't need to be saved."

They should have understood at that moment. But their hearts wouldn't let them. And that almost cost them their lives.

Slowly you tried to put Ekko behind you, making at your movement Jinx now pointed at your head.

"Surely you and Vi planned it" She blurted out with her voice brimming with anger "Surely you both planned a way to leave and leave me to my fate" your heart ached at those words. What had happened that day to make Powder react like that? For her to jump to such conclusions? Violet loved her more than anything in the world. It would never occur to her to leave her alone.

"No..." You heard the safety on the gun being removed, testing you "We would never do that. She loved you so much. I love you."

But you were both crying "You're a liar."

And then she released the shot.

~🦋~

That's the story of how you broke your second promise.

If the world wasn't screwed up with addictions you'd probably have a cigarette to celebrate everything you've endured to get here.

If it wasn't for Ekko's quick reaction you'd probably be dead. Instead you have a scar on your left cheek and a piece of your ear missing. But that's a thousand times better than being buried underground.

The worst thing (according to your brother) is that you forgive her for it.

And you'd go through the same thing a thousand times over just to talk some sense into her.

But you've done the math. Everyone has. There's no solution. Powder is gone, only Jinx is left. So that would never work.

Why she can't let her go?

Why she can't let anything go?

Because it hurt when you thought she was dead.

But it worse to know that she's alive and nothing will ever be the same again.

[fallenhunnyapple]

Hell is Forever and Heaven is a Lie

Here's Part 1 of the Sinner!Adam AU RP ⚠️Disclaimer⚠️ We started this RP in February very soon after we got into Adamsapple so our grasp of the characters then and our HCs and stuff were not what they are now, so there's gonna be some inconsistencies and maybe behaviors that we no longer attribute to them. So just something to keep in mind if things Change over the course of the posts. Lucifer and Charlie are written by Me Adam (and briefly later Niffty and Husk) are written by @fallenguitarhero

~~~~~~~~~~rp start~~~~~~~~~~~

When Charlie called him over in a panic, Lucifer was instantly there by her side. Adam. Having Adam in Hell as a sinner was, well. It was a whole disaster. It made sense? He was far from Noble and his soul was still human, though he lacked the element of free will. But it certainly didn't sit well with him. Especially since he was near his daughter. His precious little girl who he had dared to hurt before. He still wished he had taken him out back then, but now it seemed that it wouldn't have mattered since he was right there in Hell again.

Charlie, his kind caring and sweet daughter, had convinced him to help in such a drastic way. Anything to help her, and this was part of Anything. He knew she always had Hell's best interest at heart, whether they deserved it or not. But it was true that if he could have Adam under control, that would endanger her Much less than if he was allowed to exist within the Hotel without him.

With a sigh and a glance back at the one is question, Lucifer faced his daughter with a gentle smile. "Okay. I'll do it."

There was obvious relief on Charlie's expression as she hugged him. "Thanks Dad! I guess now I'll just. Have to tell him. Yeah, that'll be easy... Haha..."

Her tone was obviously nervous but she pulled away from the hug and took a few steps towards Adam before clearing her throat. "Heeeey, so. Adam. You can Stay here, we're all about second chances! But, uh. All of Hell will probably be after you and well.... We don't want that to fuck us over. Sooo there is Ooone little itty bitty condition. And! It's for your safety too! You'll be killed if you're not under some sort of... Protection. And my dad, Lucifer, has agreed toooo... Make a deal with you to keep the rest of Hell from trying to kill you and destroy the Hotel! Yaaaaaay."

---- Adam was not happy.

He'd had time to calm down from his initial panic and rage. The situation still fucking sucked but now he was actually taking stock of his surroundings and thinking through his options.

He fucking hated being ignored by Lucifer and his little bitch of a daughter but at the very least it gave him the space he needed to think things through. Adam wandered through the rebuilt lobby and poked at the decorations- ugh, why was hell so red? What a lame color. Adam liked blue better.

So. Clearly, something had been done to his wings so that he couldn't just fly up and open the portal between heaven and hell. Adam also felt disoriented and off balance, as though his center of gravity had changed.

Speaking of change...

Adam caught a glimpse of his reflection in a decorative mirror and went very still. His hand rose to touch one of his new horns and he winced when his claws scraped the surface and agitated the swiftly growing headache that was pounding behind his eyes. He'd assumed that the familiar weight was because of his helmet but these- Adam tugged hard, wanting to tear it out at the root, but all that happened was his headache getting worse. Yeah. That was real.

"What the fuck." Adam swiftly crossed the rest of the room and grabbed the mirror. His eyes darted rapidly back and forth as he took in the changes to his head and face; the new horns and the stupid ears and-

Adam yelped and spun around with a hand clutching his chest.

"Fuck! You scared the crap outta me, don't do that." Adam completely disregarded that Charlie had in no way snuck up on him. He still listened to her, his eyebrows climbing with each word.new

"Let me stop you right there," Adam cut her off mid 'yaaay' with a dismissive flick of his hand. "I don't need protection and I definitely don't need it from him. Are you forgetting who I am? I'm the Adam, bitch! I kill more sinners in one day than fentanyl does in a year!" Adam's voice pitched high and mocking; "Youw pwecious daddy ovew dewe," His voice dropped to its usual rough tone, "can eat a whole bag of dicks."

----

Charlie hadn't really registered what Adam was up to but she didn't expect to startle him. But of course he didn't seem to care. She knew this wouldn't be easy but she still deflated a bit. Yeah, Adam was an asshole, she knew that. And she didn't think he would be willing or accepting of the things she had to say. She took in a deep breath through her nose and tried again.

"Look, I know this isn't... ideal. For any of us. But you're here now! In Hell! And uh. I don't think yooou really get your position here. I-I know you're 'the Adam' but that paints a target on your back, you know?" Truthfully, she didn't know if Adam still retained his strength as an angel which would, admittedly make him at least partially able to handle himself, but in Hell? There would be no shortage of people aiming for him and if they worked together it would absolutely raze this place to the ground after they had just rebuilt it.

"Don't talk about my dad that way." A demonic edge laced her tone. She had low patience for Adam, but she was trying. But no one disrespected her dad.

Lucifer stepped in, placing a hand gently in front of her. "Let me handle this Char-char." He didn't like seeing Charlie agitated and he knew her kind and patient speech wasn't going to get through to a piece of shit like Adam.

"Listen here, fuckhead. I know you think you're still the same you were before you got fucking Skewered a million times. But uh, how do I put this nicely. You're fucking nothing now, Bitch. You're in my world now and none of your Angelic bullshit even works here. Go ahead and fucking try it."

"Dad!" She didn't want to encourage a fight. Maybe... Maybe this tactic would work? But she was still so worried, her stomach tied in knots. She knew her dad could handle Adam, but she didn't like to see this kind of confrontation all the same.

---

She really didn't know when to quit, huh? And here he thought that radio prick liked the sound of his own voice, sheesh!

When he'd first seen her all those months ago in the embassy, Adam had been glad that she looked nothing like Lilith. All he saw when he looked at her was Lucifer and it had made her so much easier to hate. Fun to mess with, too. She fell for all the tricks that the old cuckmaster had always been a little too wily for.

But now? He wished she was enough like her old man to know when to call it quits. This stubborness was all Lilith, definitely. Lucifer had at least known he'd lost all those years ago when he got banished.

Well, he had known. Charlie changed that, didn't she? Adam didn't know how that made him feel.

Adam rolled his eyes and scoffed. As Charlie tried to explain his 'position' (on top like always, duh!) he mocked her with nonsensical high-pitched 'blahblahblahs', his hand making yapping motions the whole time. When she finally finished, he stuck out his tongue with a 'bleh.'

Oh, wait. Things were getting fun now. Adam's eyes narrowed and his smug smirk widened into a full grin.

"Or what?" It took only the barest flicker of movement for his eyes to snap to Lucifer. "Aww, here comes daddy to the rescue-"

Adam's shocked face was priceless. It took him a bit to recapture his bravado and puff back up. His useless wings fluffed up to make him look bigger than he already was compared to the devil.

He immediately turned away, his side facing the pair so he could still watch them, and struck a pose by pointing at a piece of particularly ugly decoration.

Nothing happened.

"Uhhhh!" Adam shook his hand as if it was a broken tool. "One second, gimme one second, this has never happened before-" He peered at his finger the way an idiot like him might peer down the barrel of a gun that wasn't firing. "What the fuck did you do to me!?"

Because it had to be their fault.

----

Charlie's eyes had narrowed at the mocking but she didn't expect him to have any respect for her anyway. Still, it was frustrating to be mocked like that. It pissed her off when demons dismissed her and it did now too. But it seemed something her dad said had definitely caused Adam to drop his bravado.

She had her hand clasped on her dad's shoulder, apprehensive. She didn't doubt when Lucifer said Adam didn't have his angelic powers anymore, but that didn't mean she didn't tense up when he tried. It was a relief that nothing happened and she let out a nervous breath.

Lucifer on the other hand just stood, both hands resting on his cane with a smug and even amused expression. "Having... Trouble there?" His tone was as mocking as his expression. He wanted Adam to feel Small. Height didn't mean Shit, especially when the power gap between them had only Widened. He took a couple steps forward, and chuckled. "Oh, we didn't do anything. Guess actions have Consequences, huh? Never had to experience those, did you?"

----

Adam slowly looked back to Lucifer and Charlie. There was something different in his expression, a look in his eyes that hadn't been there before. Even when he had fought Lucifer, he'd been defiant until the end- until he'd been stabbed in the back by that little gremlin.

Adam had never really been afraid before. Startled, yes. A little rattled? Of course. But there had never been a time in his life that he'd been truly frightened. Now, though, Lucifer's smile felt more like the bared fangs of a predator then the smug grin that Adam usually wanted to punch off his face.

Adam drew in a breath and got his shit together. This didn't really mean anything. He was still Adam. Heaven wouldn't abandon him like this.

He caught a glimpse of his reflection from the corner of his eye.

"FUCK!" Adam snatched something small and kitschy and threw it at the mirror. The shattered glass distorted his reflection and made him feel even worse. He hunched his back and mantled his wings around himself, full on ready to throw something somewhere between a temper tantrum and a nervous break down.

"This can't be happening. I'm the first fucking man! I've-" His voice cracked and he grabbed at his horns to confirm to himself they were still there, "I've never done anything to deserve this! I'm not some sinner piece of crap- I belong in heaven, not here. Not with you freaks!"

----

Lucifer took a step back to avoid any glass shards from the broken mirror and sighed. He knew immediately that at the very least Vaggie would come to check. Maybe that obnoxious radio asshole too. No, that wouldn't do.

"Hey, Charlie. I'm gonna take him elsewhere until the deal is done. Come up with some cover story for what happened to the Mirror and we'll be back when I got it." His tone was stern and serious and

Charlie nodded slowly. "Right...." She had been startled by it but she heard footsteps from upstairs now and it sunk in that this was actually a Bad situation to have the others see. "Right! Okay! I got it! Uhm, I can. I can figure it out... Just, be careful Dad."

"Don't worry, I can handle this." He gave Charlie a gentle smile before walking up to Adam and grabbing him by the collar. No time to be a bitch with an existential crisis.

It was not a moment too soon when Vaggie appeared at the veranda of the second floor and looked over to railing to Charlie and the glass scattered on the floor.

"Charlie! Are you okay? What happened?"

"Oh, uh. Just got a little too... Excited and ended up knocking some things over that cracked the mirror. Haha, clumsy me-!"

~~

Now they were Literally in Lucifer's house. It hadn't been properly lived in for a while, but it was clean enough to handle this mess. He unceremoniously tossed Adam at the couch in the living room and sat in the nearby matching armchair.

"Done having your fit?"

----

Adam was too consumed by his angst to notice that Lucifer was approaching. It was only when he was scruffed that he properly tuned back into the situation at hand.

"Huh?" Adam blinked dumbly. He had just enough time to register what was happening before he was thrown into a couch. Instead of trying to dodge, Adam chose to just use the remaining momentum to climb onto the couch and flop face first onto it.

"Yes." Adam answered snippily after a few seconds. "I'm now having a heart attack instead."

----

Well at least he wasn't having a tantrum. Did the sudden change of scenery knock him out of it? Hopefully. He didn't like dealing with this manchild at the best of times. Though it was gratifying knowing how pathetic and weak he was now. And Adam had seen it for himself too. "Oh, good. Let me know when you're done with that and we can..." he sighed. "Have a real conversation."

He said that but he was restless and he still didn't like Adam so instead of being an adult and having any kind of patience, he picked up a rubber duck from the nearby pile and tossed it at Adam.

----

Adam grunted. He didn't want to talk to Lucifer either. In fact, maybe if he ignored him long enough Lucifer would go away.

The duck squeaked as it bounced off of Adam and into the back of couch and then fell back on Adam's back between his wings. Why have you betrayed it like this, father?

Adam grunted.

"Bruh," Adam lifted his head and squinted at Lucifer. He looked terrible. His face was mostly unchanged from when he'd been an angel, but for the rectangular pupils and sheep-like ears. But the bags under his eyes and unkempt appearance had been joined by bloodshot eyes and red lines on his face from the couch. "Did you just throw a rubber duck at me? Have some respect for the dying, asshole."

----

Adam, the guy who's pride almost rivaled his own at times, was feeling sorry for himself as he lay on his couch. Lucifer couldn't help but find the humor in this and let out a single chuckle. He almost felt bad for the duck though. At least Adam didn't try to break it or something.

"You're already dead twice over asshole, you're not dying again. At least not so easily. You see sinners are resilient. And that's what you are now. Get it?"

----

"Mm." Adam propped himself up on his elbows. Maybe someone would have expected him to throw another fit or attack Lucifer... but he'd figured out that this wasn't the sort of situation he could brute force his way out of.

"Is it because I died in hell?" Adam looked at Lucifer with an uncharacteristically serious expression. Then, he said something that he hadn't even realized had been bothering him; "None of my girls came back. Just me."

He rolled the rubber duck off his back and into his hand with his wing. Instead of crushing it or throwing it, he just held it.

"Angels don't become sinners but," It sounded like he was pulling teeth just to admit he wasn't perfect. "I have a human soul."

So it wasn't his fault. It was the fucking... radiation or something that hell had.

"Okay. Got it. I'm a sinner for now or whatever." Adam looked at the duck instead of Lucifer. "This blows, man."

---- This was probably the calmest Lucifer had ever seen Adam. All his bravado was gone and he seemed... Small. Like Lucifer had wanted. Good. He didn't have sympathy for him, he didn't care about his problems. He crossed his legs and leaned to one side of the arm chair, propping his chin up with a hand.

"Look, I'm gonna be real with you. This is a first. Angels dying is new to us, and, well, a human soul getting a second afterlife is also new. You've done enough shit this time to get stuck down here with the rest of us and pretty sure you're not going anywhere now. So you might as well get used to it."

And he was absolutely Watching Adam's hands like a hawk. He was being gentle with the duck and that kept him from getting more on his bad side at least.

---- All Adam heard was Lucifer admitting that this had never happened before. He latched onto that one crumb of hope like it was the only thing he had because, well, it was.

"You're right!" Adam shot up with all the energy he lacked just moments before. "This is some kind of freak accident! And that means nobody knows I'm down here, they all think I'm dead!"

Adam looked to Lucifer with manic eyes.

"I have to report to the embassy. If I tell someone I'm alive then I can go back to where I belong." Trying to appeal to Lucifer, he kept ranting; "That's the best option for all of us, right? You don't want me here anymore then I do."

----

Lucifer rolled his eyes. Of course Adam was all gungho about this now. Of course, he wouldn't let that happen. Did Heaven even have a new Ambassador for Hell now that Adam was dead? Had they even bothered to figure that out? He had no faith in Heaven so he doubted it.

"You're not an Angel anymore, Adam."

The words were cold, spoken coldly. And the accompanying gaze held none of the usual jovial playfulness. He had One goal right now and if Adam thought he had any other choice, it would make it even more difficult.

----

Maybe it was the directness of the words or the cold manner in which they were spoken that did it but either way, Adam listened. His wings slumped.

The reality of the situation was finally starting to sink in. He didn't want to accept it but he wasn't so stupid he'd keep beating his head against a brick wall. Above all else, Adam was motivated by his own self-interest and his survival came first and foremost in this situation.

But first, a little bit of self-pity was called for.

"I'm fucked." Adam dropped his head into his hands. "I'm soooo fucked."

----

It seemed the seriousness of the situation was finally sinking in. Good. Lucifer stood up from his chair and strode up to Adam. His expression was still serious, but not quite as harsh as before.

"Yeah, you are. Heaven ain't taking you back and Hell, well, most of Hell would love to string you up and watch you struggle through whatever depraved shit they could come up with."

And now the more familiar playfulness was returning. "That's why you should've listened more closely to Charlie. She had a solution for you. One that would, more or less, keep Hell from ripping you to pieces over and over for Eternity."

----

Adam could have argued with that first point but he knew Lucifer was right about the rest. He would never get out of hell if he was pounced on by the first sicko with an agenda the second he left this mansion.

He… honestly wasn't too familiar with what that depraved shit could be. The most 'depraved' thing he had seen in his long life had been some of the Angel Dust porn one of his exorcists had found and brought to heaven. He'd wanted to let her keep it but Sera had gotten all tense about contraband and made him confiscate it. He'd given her the real sick shit to destroy and hid the rest under his mattress. The exorcist had been stoked when he told her.

She'd died while the shield was up. Adam wished he killed that radio prick when he had the chance.

"Yeah, I heard her." Adam sank back against the couch. "A deal with you…" His melancholy expression twisted into sardonic anger. "Because that ended real well for Eve, right? Do you really think I'm that stupid?"

----

Lucifer stepped around to the back of the couch and leaned over it, chin in hand again. "Tell me, what other choice do you think you have?" Adam could protest and be pissed about his non-option, but that didn't change the fact that it was a non-option.

Charlie wanted to protect Adam, give him a chance. Lucifer loved his baby girl but she sure had some weird morals and ideas. And he had already vowed to do anything that helped her with them. His own feelings were always going to be secondary to this. And that was the only reason he had to corner Adam and force him to make the deal. Letting him out without it and at the risk of getting his ass got by any sinner or demon out there wasn't an option for him either.

----

Adam did not like Lucifer being behind him. He twisted awkwardly and painfully to make sure that he wasn't too vulnerable in front of the devil. He was a little jumpy about having his back turned to people now and especially to the most hated being in creation.

"I could die." It's obvious from his facial expression that Adam doesn't consider that an option. He chews on that for a bit. Death or Lucifer, huh? At least until he can find a way back to heaven…

"So if I make a deal with you, you'll protect me from the demons." Adam leaned back. "What do you get out of it?"

----

Lucifer hummed, knowing that Adam wasn't actually considering that. Not Adam, he was going to inflict his existence on people for as long as he possibly could. That was one thing he was sure about. But when the question came back to him he waved his hand a bit dismissively.

"Well, mostly I'm doing this for Charlie. But in terms of, I guess, formalities, it'd be… 'I lend you my protection so no one will harm you so long as you're in hell or else they'll have to deal with Me, and you know how powerful I am, and in exchange you behave for the people at the Hotel and I get your soul.' Something like that."

----

Adam blanched.

"My soul!?" Of course Heaven's poster boy wasn't taking that well. He looked like he was on the edge of deciding to try his chances in a mad dash for the embassy. He was so distressed that he only barely picked up on the implicit threat of Lucifer's power. "You want me to sell my soul to you!? You're the fucking devil!"

----

"Yeah, no shit I'm the fucking Devil. That's exactly why I'm your best bet is this shithole. No one is gonna fuck with me. Or whoever is under my care." He was getting exasperated, and his patience was already Paper thin.

"You don't know shit about this place. All your angelic powers are gone cuz you're not a fucking Angel anymore. You don't even know what you can do as a sinner yet. And that means you're more vulnerable than you've ever been in your entire existence. Your soul? It ain't going back up, that's for sure. You're already here. Hell is forever, I think Charlie told me you said. So either you spend that forever with the best fucking security anyone in this place could possibly get, or you spend forever getting passed around and fucked and killed by randos."

----

Yikes. Someone was grouchy. Adam personally thought Lucifer didn't have the right to act all pissy about this. Adam was the one who got stabbed to death by a psycho! And now he was stripped of his halo and forced to rely on his oldest enemy for survival.

And maybe Adam would have still decided to try to fight if he hadn't already learned his powers were gone. If he hadn't already spent a half hour hopping around like an idiot trying to take flight with clipped wings.

That was another thing. Adam didn't know if Lucifer already knew this but… Well, it was a helluva lot harder to escape angry sinners without his wings. It wasn't like he'd been doing much cardio in heaven.

He was fucked over either way. But at least Lucifer was offering him some say in how he was getting fucked over. A chance to set terms or whatever. And quite frankly Adam didn't relish the idea of being literally fucked by randos. They'd do worse to him, he was sure, not only in the name of revenge but also whatever sick shit these freaks got off on.

"Fine." He bit out through grit teeth. "I'll do it. I'll make a fucking deal with you and play nice for your kid and all her little friends." He leaned closer to Lucifer. "Happy? You've finally dragged all three of us down here with you."

----

"Oh, yes. Very." Lucifer grinned. Fucking FINALLY. While his mind was now very quickly wandering onto Other ways to complete the set, he knew he needed to get the contract done Before all that. Man it'd been a while since he'd drawn up any sort of contract. He'd been more than out of the game for what felt like eons.

But he snapped his fingers and a golden scroll manifested, a bright red pen with it, filled with a red ink that matched the rest of the writing on the scroll. "You can read it, but I don't think you have the patience~ But I am a man of my word. No secret clauses or anything like that. Just what we've already verbally agreed on, but on paper."

----

Adam gave Lucifer a deadpan look.

"Yeah, I'm sure there's nothing weird hidden in the fucking fine print. Do you even know the shit they say about you up there, man?" Still, that didn't go entirely against what he knew of Lucifer. In all of their dealings during his tenure as ambassador to hell, Lucifer had been for the most part honest and straightforward. Adam had always assumed it was because Lucifer didn't like the sinners anymore then he did.

He squinted at the scroll. It wasn't that long and yet he couldn't make himself focus on it for more than a quick skim through. He tried. But after everything he'd been through in such a short amount of time, his hands were shaking with nervous energy and the words just wouldn't stick in his head. It was too short for Lucifer to have hidden anything, right?

… Right.

Adam took the pen and tried to will his hand to stop shaking. He felt sick. No matter what anyone might say about his character, Adam had always been loyal to heaven and to the angels. This was a betrayal that left even someone as self-centered as him grappling with the unfamiliar feeling of guilt.

He'd hated Vaggie so much for betraying them - for betraying him - and yet he was now doing something far worse. A deal with the most hated being in creation.

"… I'm gonna sign it." Adam closed his eyes and tried to focus on breathing. "I just need a second."

----

"I'm sure I can guess." Lucifer didn't like Heaven and had no doubt they spoke hatefully of him if ever he did come up. Probably mostly lies, honestly. He stood up and walked back around the couch to stand in front of Adam, waiting. Oh, he was sure it wouldn't be easy.

"Yeah, sure, take your time. I got all day." Well, since things were winding down a bit, maybe he could try being at least a little bit of a host. "Hungry? Thirsty? I can get you something."

----

Adam's feathers ruffled up. He cracked open one eye and gave Lucifer a dirty look.

"If I even think about food I'm gonna blow chunks all over your ugly carpeting." Adam half-threatened, half-warned. "Check back in after I've finished committing the ultimate sin, 'kay?"

----

Lucifer held his hands up is a dismissive manner. "Okay, okay fine. No food, got it." He walked back to the chair he sat in earlier and sank down, eyes still trained on Adam.

Until he felt his phone go off and saw a text from Charlie. Aw, his wonderful daughter was checking in on him! His demeanor drastically and obviously changed to being much more chipper and happy as he texted back. Just a little update that they'd come to an agreement and now he was just waiting for him to sign the contract! They wouldn't immediately head back to the hotel though. He wanted Charlie to have enough time to prep things after all! At least that was the reason he was giving her.

----

It was a relief when Lucifer finally found something else to stare at. Adam watched him long enough to see his sudden change in demeanor- the ex-angel looked away with a scowl. Was he texting a girlfriend or something? Adam wouldn't be surprised if someone like Lucifer had already moved on from Lilith.

Driven by his own petty need to at least make this less of a pleasant memory for future Lucifer, Adam took his chance to sign the contract while the devil was distracted. He made sure that his handwriting was sloppy and ugly too. He even considered dropping the pen in the couch cushions before deciding to drop it on the floor by his feet instead.

"Done." Adam watched the contract instead of the devil. He sort of expected it to burst into flames so he made sure to lean back as far as he could without hurting his wings. "What now?"

---End Part 1---

[discordiansamba]

...it was a mistake to tell uncle about his date.

he just hadn't expected telling uncle would result in everyone else knowing about it. he was just getting used to wrapping his head around the idea that he and the avatar's group were apparently on friendly terms now. he didn't need them leering at him. and if i catch any of you spying on us, i'll-

"aw," sokka said, "-he's threatening us again."

"i know!" aang chirps. "he's basically his old self again!"

zuko groans and hangs his head. katara gives him a sympathetic pat on the shoulder. don't worry. she'll make sure they stay out of trouble.

(he doesn't miss the way she doesn't promise they won't spy on him. he's starting to understand all three of them are idiots. toph's the only one in this group with a brain cell.)

zuko can't make himself wear earth kingdom green again, so he settles on a more neutral reddish-brown. red clothes and a hidden scar aren't going to be enough to keep anyone who knew lee from recognizing him- not when he's going to be around jin. he'd heard the whispers this afternoon. he'd considered bringing her to the upper ring for their date, where fewer people would recognize him, but...

...he didn't want to make her nervous.

he'd also barely spent any time in the upper ring, outside of his time at the jasmine dragon. lee had been a commoner. the upper ring was for nobility and government officials. he had no business being there.

he'd agreed to pick jin up at her house- which was also why he'd just kind of resigned himself to be recognized as lee. jin's father answered the door, and did a double take. he laughed, and told him he almost didn't recognize him with the short hair. zuko had to bite back a comment of i'll bet, because lee didn't really do sarcasm.

jin rescued him before things could get too awkward.

they held hands. visited the same theater they always did, and she'd laughed a little when she'd found out he also liked theater. he told her about the ember island players, and how they paled in comparison to the more small scale productions the one in the middle ring put on.

...he also should have checked what was playing first.

it was a play about the siege of the north. why was it a play about the siege of the north. he wanted to bury his face into his hands. it was bad enough to have his past mistakes thrown in his face like this, but...

"so," jin leaned closer, "-the ponytail."

"please don't mention the ponytail," zuko groans.

(agni. at least it was a good play. the ember island players probably would have put his scar on the wrong side.

...also, who was this zhao guy the play pitied him against? he didn't remember him at all.)

he took her to eat at a different restaurant than one of their usual ones. their waiter turned out to be one of the lotus blossom's regulars. zuko tried to remember how he'd managed such easy, not awkward smiles as lee and failed miserably. jin covered for him and said he had a bit of a headache. could we get a really quiet table?

dinner was... nice, at least. jin had no shortage of questions for him- and zuko did his best to answer them. she wanted to know more about what the fire nation was like. he told her about the turtleduck pond at the palace. she asked him about his time in banishment- and he'd rolled his eyes and leaned over the table to tell her uncle was just as bad at money management then as he was in ba sing se.

("so," she says, "-the koi monster."

"real," zuko says, "-and absolutely terrifying. had no context for it, by the way.")

they ended the evening at the firelight fountain. she smiles at him- and takes his hands. zuko braces himself. he knows this is it.

she leans forward, and kisses him.

zuko blinks, and stares down at her. her smile doesn't falter. she really enjoyed their date, prince zuko. she'd like to have another one. zuko swallows- and leans down to kiss her. the path ahead of them would be a complicated one, but they'd figure it out. he hoped.

he walks her back home- then pivots on his heel, glaring towards a darkened street corner. avatar. i know you're there. come out already.

(aang, sokka, and katara all sheepishly emerge from the shadows. oh hey there zuko, they say. fancy seeing you here.)

iroh was across the threshold of the room in a flash, dragging him into a tight embrace. in any other situation, zuko probably would have complained about the lack of air, but instead he just buried his head into the crook of his uncle's neck.

"uncle," he says, "-i'm so sorry."

"i am the one who should apologize, zuko," iroh says, "-for not being able to protect you."

for a long time, they don't say anything. zuko is keenly aware that they're being watched by the avatar and his friends. seeing uncle again feels a lot like coming home, even though zuko's... unsure where home is now. he'd gotten so used to living in ba sing se.

he can't stay here, though.

everyone in this city knows his face- and knows that face belongs to lee. but zuko isn't lee anymore. he can't pretend to be him. he'd made this choice as lee, knowing that he'd have to give up the life he'd built for himself here. now that he was zuko again, he didn't think he could stomach putting on earth kingdom green and living a life of serving tea.

uncle finally pulls away from him, patting his shoulders. he tells him that he is going to make the tea this time, and that's final. zuko laughs, and lets him. it's weird. he kind of thought he would hate tea after... everything, but it's become a comfort to him. maybe it's just a trace of lee that he's never going to get rid of.

aang and his friends wisely choose to excuse themselves, to give them a bit of privacy. iroh watches them go, and tells zuko that he's proud of him for putting that past of his behind him. zuko just huffs. he congratulates his uncle on becoming fire lord.

they sit and drink tea together. iroh catches zuko up to speed on what has happened in the fire nation in his absence. zuko... hesitantly tells him a few things about his life as lee, since it's all he really has to talk about. uncle leans over the table with a leering grin when he makes the terrible mistake of bringing up jin, asking what his plans are.

"...i have no idea," zuko admits, "-i think i might actually need to see her again first. i don't know if i even still like her. i don't know if she'll even still like me."

uncle tells him that he can take as much time as he likes. he must still have lingering attachments to this city. there is no judgment in his tone. and... he's right. zuko doesn't think he'll ever be able to bring himself to put on earth kingdom green again, but he's grown fond of ba sing se. it's weird. he feels like he should hate it.

it had been his prison.

he just hadn't known it.

the next day, zuko decides to bite the bullet and go see ba sing se with his own eyes. he'd seen it before- but his time as lee had changed him. he stays in fire nation red, but he ties a wound cover around his scar to hide what it actually looks like. he can't see lee in the mirror anymore, but he knows other people likely will.

besides. it's not like he can see out of the damn eye anyways.

walking the familiar streets of the middle ring as himself is a strange experience. he knows so many of these people. for some of them he can even rattle off their usual order. some of them were even his friends. they give him an odd look as he passes, but zuko pointedly does not look at them. if he pretends he doesn't know them, it'll probably be fine.

"lee?"

two years of responding to that name has zuko turning his head before he can stop himself. thankfully, the person who called out to him is just jin.

...oh. it's jin.

...well. fuck. guess he's making this decision now.

[electricea]

also, at the risk of not sounding too presumptuous, perhaps we can continue to rp and do stuff on the other blog as well?

[demonslayedher]

I finished posting the unabashedly educational Sword Fic.

It includes a detailed (but hopefully beginner-friendly) explanation of all the steps of making a Nichirin blade from a sunny mountain like Mt. Youkou, a touch of swordsmith and metalworker folk lore (including demons), meta about what must make Kimetsu no Yaiba's swordsmithing methods different from real life methods, some character exploration for Haganezuka and his polishing method, vocabulary and additional resources in the chapter notes, and hopefully, an endearing, silly POV character to learn this all through.

[werebutch]

My mom getting a new place is kinda making me anxious I think she thinks I’m gonna move in w her instead of my dad 😭 and I’m not sure why I don’t want to. Cuz she’s way better. But I don’t. And I feel responsible I think and plus my sisters will never favor my mom over my dad… so we’d live apart. but I’m 20 years old I can live whatever I want. But. But but but

[orcelito]

God, this is fucking crazy

So i only have 3 more classes to take, but it'll cost the same to take 3 classes as 4 classes. So I've been thinking about taking a 4th class just for the hell of it. Something fun and/or easy.

Out of curiosity, I looked up orchestras. I was in it in my first year, but I haven't consistently played since 2016. But I still dream about being in an orchestra again. I *miss it*. So I was like. Well, what if *that* was my 4th class next semester? What If?

I looked it up. This week is the last week they're doing auditions for it. There was only one more spot free after today. And that's *tomorrow evening*.

I haven't really played my violin much in YEARS. I'm so out of practice. But apparently they don't reject anyone outright. Auditions are just for placement. So worst case scenario, I get placed in an orchestra at a lower skill level than I was at my prime. It'd still be an orchestra.

It's crazy short notice, but I don't think I'd forgive myself if I passed it up. Bc I have just one more semester before I graduate. One last opportunity to be in a school orchestra. And if I didn't do this, I'd be left with that What If forever.

So. Crazy short notice, but I have a violin audition tomorrow!!! Hahahaha