#i always find improvisation stresses me out the most when i act- i either say the most random shit or go completely blank skss

[merthurians-prat-and-idiot]

I just watched the mischief movie night in mini they did on tiktok- Pride and Postage & then the first ever mmni - Lasers and Quasars & they're just so goddamn good!! And they're all so incredibly talented!!

[saphirered]

Can I request the Mighty Nein funding out the reader had been hiding a kinda injury

I hope it turned out the way you wanted it! Thanks for requesting 😘

(Caleb)

Caleb is no stranger to physical injury and has embraced his squishy wizard nature. You however have covered up many injuries in the past, letting them heal on their own as you always had before you had handy clerics around to fix you up. Old habits die hard and unlucky for you, when he’s not nose deep in a book Caleb will see right through your brave face act.

Upon finding out you’re injured Caleb would simply sit you down. He’ll take it upon himself to tend to your injury despite your best efforts to convince him you’re fine and it’s just a scratch. He knows better.

Silence. You’ve never managed to get a word out of the wizard when he’s caring for your ailment. He’s completely focussed but will listen to you talk so his silence is not rooted in concentration.

Caleb won’t mention your injury to anyone. It will be your little secret but you’ll be able to catch him staring at you, and when you meet his eye he’ll give you a little half smile; a nonverbal ask to see if you’re alright.

(Beau)

Training accidents happen but hardly ever exceed bruises. A sparring match gone wrong may have ended with you getting a bo-staff to the ribs with a little too much force but you play it cool. It’ll be fine. Just some bruises. You assure Beau you’ll sleep it off and it wasn’t that bad.

Beau’s not entirely convinced and definitely pries until you come clean. Persuasion isn’t Beau’s strong suit but she makes some solid arguments, and threats that leave you forced to reveal your secret.

Upon seeing the injury Beau will curse like a sailor, telling you you should have told her. Best not to mention the trouble breathing… Wether you want to or not she’ll go get the clerics to fix you up despite any and all protests.

Beau will keep grilling you for weeks, bringing your injury up as ammo in any argument she needs won and will keep a close eye out. She’ll refuse to spar with you but we all know Beau likes her training and with you being one of the very few actually able to keep up (sorry Fjord) she’ll give in and beg you to train with her again, this time more mindful of her actions.

(Fjord)

Fjord may play cool but he tends to be a worrywart and when he already has enough on his plate you be mindful not to stress him out by facing him with anything else. That includes you getting a pretty heavy hit from an enemy in combat.

Back on the ship you resign yourself to the lower deck and cargo hold duties as to stay clear of Fjord’s direct line of sight. You’d take the crows nest but an injured leg will do you no good climbing.

Bad weather and a leg injury at sea do not mix well and you, being slammed into the side of the ship unable to get back up sends Fjord in overdrive. He’ll help you below deck to a safe spot and prepare for basic care until one of the clerics can come fix you.

Fjord’s seen enough injuries; others’ and his own and knows well enough what you got didn’t come from your little tumble. He’ll be extra tentative but scold you for not saying anything and telling you you should tell him in the future.

Regardless of the clerics’ opinions he puts you on bedrest for the next few days until he feels like you’ve learned your lesson. Don’t count on being allowed to go up to the crow’s nest for a while though.

(Veth)

Having taken a tumble down the stairs while reading a book and conversing with Caleb (who you had to swear to secrecy) you deliberately stayed clear of Veth unless you had any sort of object to lean on to support yourself.

It’s more out of embarrassment you’re hiding this one even though your ankle hurts like a bitch. Every time you, Caleb and Veth are in the same room you’re sending the wizard death glares when he holds back a comment or laugh at your desperate attempts to keep this a secret.

Veth’s a mom and if there’s one thing moms are good at it’s figuring out when someone’s hurt. The moment your facade falls through, she’ll go into overdrive, pushing you to lay down on a couch or similar soft surface area, rushing to get you extra pillows and the likes.

Be prepared to have Veth hoover over you until you’re in the clear. She’ll do whatever she can to make you comfortable and brings you some trinkets to pass the time. Maybe don’t ask where she got them because they were definitely not in her previous possession.

(Jester)

It was gonna be an epic move! You’d jump down, weapon at the ready to stab down into the creature; death from above! Didn’t go as planned as you got swatted out of the air by the creature before you could strike down.

Luckily no one saw. After the battle you just claimed the plan fell through and you had to improvise. Meaning, you gritted through the pain of being rag-dolled into a cavern wall, got back up through the pain and back to battle.

If only Jester hadn’t asked you to help harvest the monster parts so you could sell them. You could barely carry your weapon, swinging it; different story. But Jester is persistent and you couldn’t just refuse the cute blue tiefling so you obliged gritting through the pain hoping no one would notice you taking a quick breather every so often.

Jester did notice and came to inspect your work, with a tap on your shoulder you feel a radiant warmth spread through you, making breathing and moving in general a lot easier. A thanks is in order and you’re sort of glad Jester keeps this on the down-low.

“Next time just tell me, okay?” Jester makes you pinky promise and you know that’s binding so you better keep your promise.

(Caduceus)

There’s a reason why you leave the cooking to Caduceus. You’ll happily cut some vegetables but try to stay away from anything else throughout the process of preparing food. When Caduceus asked you to watch the stove and add some spices to the food as he rushed to the pantry to get some more ingredients you were worried…

What should you do? Caduceus didn’t tell you how much to add of anything. Maybe you can just sniff the spices? Yeah, that sounds right. Opening the small jars and pouches one by one go through. You add a little of the fragrant ones and a bit more of the neutral spices.

One sniff of a red flaky powder sends you into a coughing fit, your airways burning like a blazing fire. Water doesn’t help. If anything it makes it worse. You get your breathing and cough under control but you do not trust your voice and scalding throat so when the firbolg returns you keep quiet.

No responses from you are a bit odd and what were you thinking you could keep anything from this man. Caduceus calls you out on your behaviour asking questions that need words and not nods, shakes, shrugs or the likes.

Upon you trying to talk he immediately knows what happened. Putting on a quick brew, in a short time you’re presented some tea to remedy your burning throat. It may not be your worst injury ever but it surely is an uncomfortable one. You gain a new appreciation for the dead people tea.

(Yasha)

You felt like you couldn’t do anything but try to hide the bleeding gash on your side, luckily covered by your clothing. Yasha had already gone through enough, last you needed her to deal with is the knowledge she injured you severely when under the control of someone else.

Back to normal you head into the next fight. For some reason you’re faltering and making mistakes you otherwise wouldn’t. Yasha notices and will be at your side in an instance to defend you but a single enemy blow sends you unconscious.

You can confidently say that opening your eyes to a raging barbarian pouring the contents of a healing potion down your throat is one of the most terrifying and admirable moment’s you’ve witnessed in your life.

Yasha asks when you got the cut since your bloodstained clothes don’t 100% add up. Tempted to come up with an excuse Yasha has you figured out. Prepare for endless apologies and a guardian angel watching over your shoulder threatening anyone with even remotely malicious intent into thinking twice about their actions.

(Mollymauk)

Molly will pretend he hasn’t noticed you’re hiding anything when he’s caught on you are being secretive. You’re entitled to your secrets.When he finds out you’re injured that’s no different. Unless it’s something that could be the death of you he’ll play along. You’re stubborn so you get to feel the consequences of your stubbornness.

He’d ask you to help him with this new routine he’s been working on or push you to spar with him. He’d make sure you have to pay extra mind as to not make it hurt as bad as your injury does when resting because that’s when the severity of your injury becomes clear to him.

Molly would deliberately make everyday tasks a little harder. You’re doing dishes? could you carry the heavy tub of water? Setting up camp? Keep pressure on this or hammer that into the ground. Will put your things out of your reach where you’d have to climb or jump to get them.

He’ll keep these shenanigans going until either you come clean about your injury or he really gets worried to the point he’ll have to step in for your own wellbeing. The former usually occurs leaving him smug and willing to carry you claiming to be your daring saviour.

Depending on the severity of the injury he’ll be a pretty decent caretaker spending time with you and assisting you whenever you need it. When it’s not as bad anymore he’ll be teasing you as much as he can. He won’t make you forget your stubbornness and pride gets in your way of admitting defeat and we all know he loves winning the game.

[youwerenevermeanttofeelalone]

Some People Wrap Their Lies Around a Cocktail Glass | Damian Wayne

Come. And Be My Baby

✦ pairing — older!Damian Wayne x female!Plus Size Reader

✦ word count — 3k

✦ fake dating AU

✦ summary — you need to cover up the fact that your boyfriend broke up with you a week before your step-father’s Christmas party, and Damian needs a date for his father’s New Year’s ball. Both of you are experts at pretending, what could go wrong?

✦ warnings — some angst (very light, blink and you’ll miss it), mentions of alcohol, a little awkwardness, fluff.

✦ author's note — thank you for reading this mini series! Most things had to be improvised because I couldn’t follow the plan I had for this story due to health issues. I hope you like it.

✦ mini series masterlist

════════════════════════

Turning the TV off, you found your own reflection ridden by guilt on the black screen.

You forgot to tell your mother you had plans for New Year’s that didn’t involve your father. You could blame Travis in your head and convince yourself that the stress of your fight with him had clouded your judgment, but it was far from the truth.

His attitude hurt, but you found it hard to feel too upset about it. Damian had been a good distraction which was a problem in itself — said problem would bother you furthermore if he hadn’t been so perfect at playing his role.

And now you would have to impress his father. Well, his siblings too, even if he wanted to act like he didn’t care about anybody from his family.

You really needed to talk to your mother.

There was no chance you would find your mother at home. Leonard liked to welcome the new year out of the country. Calling home would be easier, you could leave her a message with a maid.

Contacting your father first would open the possibility of your mother finding out from him and you knew better than doing something like that to her.

As if the universe was on your side, your mother didn’t pick up the phone and the perfect middle ground came to your mind.

Leonard answered at the third ring, calling you by your nickname as he greeted you.

“My mother isn’t answering her phone. Is everything okay?”

“She’s at the spa.”

“Oh. That makes sense.”

“Did you need anything?”

You sighed. “Not exactly… but now that you mention it, I could use your help.”

“Is your father treating you badly?”

“No, no. It’s about Damian.” Before he could assume anything, you clarified, “He isn’t treating me badly either.”

“I’m all ears.”

You toyed with the tv remote, tracing the spaces between the buttons with your fingertip. “I… first, I need to tell you something,” you started, unsure. “But you have to promise mom will never find out.”

Leonard hummed. “Are you finally confessing that Damian isn’t your boyfriend?”

You winced. “Is it that obvious?”

“No. Harry told me about your fight with Trent.”

“Travis,” you corrected him.

“Him, yes,” Leonard dismissed the correction. “You didn’t have to lie to us, you know?”

“Mother was happy to know I was dating somebody,” you mumbled, “but Travis chickened out.”

“And Damian didn’t.”

“Exactly.”

“So? What’s the issue?”

Shifting, you rested your head on the arm of the couch. You felt like a teen again, telling Leonard about your day and the drama in your friend group. “I think I like him. I don’t know, I’m confused.”

“Give yourself time to figure it out.” It sounded easy coming out of his mouth.

“I wish I could. I have to get ready in like two hours to attend a ball with him, and I’ll have to pretend to be his perfect girlfriend like he pretended to be my perfect boyfriend.”

“You’ll do great,” he said gently. “You’ve pretended to enjoy events before.”

“I’ve never pretended to be perfect.”

“Because you don’t have to. Treat it like you used to treat the events you attended us. Why was that so easy to do?”

“Because I wanted you to look good.”

“Do you want Damian to look good?”

“Yes.”

“There’s your answer.” Good ol’ Leonard, always so patient with you.

“Will you help me get a new identity if I mess it up?”

He snorted. “Anything you want. Always.”

“I’m guessing you can tell my mother to call me?” You tried your luck, “Or let her know I won’t visit my father…”

“You’re not getting out of that one.”

“Fair enough,” you laughed softly.

Later, as you were getting ready, a question filled your mind — did Leonard imply Damian and you would be a good couple or did you imagine that?

════════════════════════

You jumped upon hearing the doorbell. Taking your clutch from the coffee table, you checked yourself on the mirror one last time.

Opening the door, you found an impeccably dressed Damian. His aftershave hit your nostrils immediately, mixed with his cologne.

“Ready?” he asked.

No. “Yes,” you assured him, watching him step backward to give you space.

You felt his eyes on you as you locked the door. Your eyes locked with his when you turned around, but neither of you said anything.

“My siblings might be too much to handle at first,” he warned you.

You shifted to look at him as he drove. “Is that a good or a bad thing?”

“I’ll let you decide once you meet them.”

“Oh, you’re cruel.”

He almost smiled.

This time the drive was shorter, and if Damian was nervous, he knew how to hide it to perfection.

His wall crumbled rather quickly. His eyes were fixed on the butler, gaze softening as he was greeted. You heard him refer to the butler by his last name, and introduce you.

“Please call me Alfred, miss.”

“Thank you, Alfred. It’s a pleasure to meet you.”

The old man smiled at you, bowing.

A commotion behind Alfred interrupted the butler himself who moved to the side. A blue-eyed man grabbed Damian by the shoulders and pulled him into a tight hug.

Damian inhaled sharply, patting the other man’s back a few times. “Richard,” he whined, “you’re ruining my attire.”

“Don’t worry. Jason isn’t even wearing a tux.” Hearing Damian scoff, Richard let go of him.

You stifled a laugh, watching Damian fix imaginary creases on his blazer. He sent you a glare, mouth twitching as he saw you pursing your lips.

“Hold it! You brought at date?!”

Standing straight, Damian introduced you to Richard as his girlfriend. You extended your free hand in a polite gesture that Richard almost found insulting.

You too were pulled into a hug. And welcomed to the family. “I can’t believe this!”

“Richard,” Damian gritted.

Ignoring his brother, the man hugging you said, “Call me Dick. Dami refuses to do it for whatever reason.”

You hugged him back, wondering if this was what Damian meant by too much. “It’s a pleasure to meet you, Dick.”

Dick shuffled, quite excited as he attempted to guide you towards the reception with an arm around your neck. “Come. Everybody will be happy to meet you.”

“Hey!” Damian exclaimed. “She’s my girlfriend, I should be the one introducing her!”

God. How many times would he call you his girlfriend? And how many times would you be able to take it?

Dick smiled, withdrawing his arm off you. “Of course.”

Damian lightly shoved Dick as he took your hand. His eyes found yours once again, silently asking you if you were ready. Gripping his hand, you lied by assuring him you were.

Two men and two women were in the living room. You recognized Jason immediately thanks to Dick’s comment about his lack of suit.

Chatter died down as four pairs of eyes fixed on you and Damian. You weren’t sure if they were shocked because Damian was there or because he had taken you with him.

“Hello,” Damian greeted blandly.

Jason snorted. “Definitely not a clone.”

The other man stood up, smiling at Damian. “Welcome home, Dami.”

“Thank you… Tim.”

Tim’s smile turned even brighter. He introduced himself to you unprompted, and he did a better job at hiding his surprise than Dick.

Everybody did, in fact. Jason winked at Damian as he congratulated him, Stephanie said she was happy for the two of you, and Cassandra stared straight into your soul before giving you a small smile.

Just when you thought things would go smoothly, somebody else entered the room and your stomach dropped.

Bruce stood in front of you and Damian, seemingly at a loss of words.

“I’m glad you could make it.”

Damian have his father a curt nod. Seeing his eyes deviate toward you, he opened his mouth to introduce you.

You were quicker. It was only fair, he hadn’t made you introduce him to your mother and he had already done the work with his siblings.

Bruce wasn’t interested in hiding his shock upon hearing you were Damian’s girlfriend. “You didn’t say anything about a girlfriend at work.”

“I didn’t find it appropriate,” Damian explained with ease.

“We should have dinner next week so we can get to know you better,” Bruce suggested, eyes solely on you.

“O—of course, sir.” What were you getting yourself into?

“I wish we had more time tonight,” Bruce continued, “but our guests will be arriving any moment now.”

Bruce was proven right as Alfred announced the arrival of a few guests.

Throughout the night, Damian watched you charm people he had never cared for and people he had once struggled to have in his pocket alike.

He felt you lace your arm with his and follow the pattern of his steps to walk in sync with him.

He heard you laugh with his siblings and gossip with Stephanie as if you had known them for years.

He became aware of the warmth of your palms and the coldness of your fingers as you danced.

And he couldn’t bear it.

Damian slowly slid his arm off yours and excused himself.

You decided to give him space. He would’ve asked you to go with him if he wanted your company.

It was clear that you weren’t the only one who was overwhelmed, and at the end of the night, he was the one who needed to look good. He deserved a break.

Damian roamed the main hallway, so familiar yet so foreign. Nothing had changed except for him and said changes weren’t unwelcome.

In hindsight, the only unwelcome thing he could find was how much he was dreading the end of the night.

He found his way back to the living room and stood in front of the window. He could see a couple hiding behind Alfred’s perfectly trimmed bushes, presumably making out.

Not many minutes passed before he heard approaching steps. He should’ve expected Dick to follow him.

“I didn’t think you’d show up,” Dick broke the silence. “But I’m glad you did. And I’m glad you brought your girlfriend with you.”

Humming, Damian continued staring at the greenery. “I always keep my promises.”

“And secrets, huh. We wouldn’t have known you had a girlfriend if you hadn’t come.”

“I suppose not.”

“You okay? I know you don’t want to be here, but—“

Damian interrupted him, “I am not uncomfortable here. Surprisingly.”

“Who are you and what have you done with my little brother?”

Damian tore his eyes off the window and glared at Dick.

“You know I’m joking.”

Sighing, Damian nodded. “I’m not used to… this.”

“Care to be more specific?”

“Not really.”

Dick stayed silent, respecting Damian’s line. The two of them enjoyed a silent moment together, staring out of the window.

A snicker blurted out of Dick as he caught sight of the couple Damian had spotted. Both were doing a poor job at fixing their attire.

Damian huffed a laugh, sharing an amused look with his brother.

“We should go back before Bruce starts the toast.”

Damian motioned for his brother to lead the way.

He took his spot next to you, snaking his arm around your waist. You leaned into his touch, feeling his steady breathing.

He didn’t give a single sign of being upset, so you asked him in a whisper, “Everything okay?”

“Don’t worry,” he answered in your ear.

You fought against the shiver the gesture sent down your spine.

════════════════════════

Leaving Wayne Manor was harder than you expected it to be. You would never judge Damian for wanting to be away from his family, he had his reasons, you simply didn’t share the sentiment.

You managed to fit easily with them, and what marveled you the most was how little you had to pretend to be somebody else.

The sight of your building saddened you. Everything would be over in a few minutes, just what you had wanted the day before, and you weren’t looking forward to it.

Walking down the hallway in silence, you were about to say good night as you approached his door when Damian asked, “Can you come in for a little bit?”

You nodded, not ready for the night to end. “Sure.”

Damian unlocked his door and allowed you to get in first, turning the lights on as he entered the apartment behind you.

“Do you want anything to drink?”

You shook your head. “I drank enough already.”

He shed his blazer, going straight to the point, “Travis was right.”

His comment took you aback. You didn’t expect this from Damian. You didn’t even want to believe it. Deciding to give him the benefit of the doubt, you asked, “About what?”

“You should have been with me from the beginning. And I hadn’t even...” He made a face, as though the right words were escaping him. That was a first. “I can’t tell you I love you. Not now, that would be insane. But I’m pretty sure I’m halfway there.”

He undid his tie, speaking still, “I can’t pinpoint the exact moment when I started falling for you, I just know it makes all the sense in the world.”

Damian never imagined his life going like this. Romance wasn’t on his list of priorities when he left the manor. Or ever. He wanted to know himself properly, to be his own person, to finally let go of the bottled-up resentment.

He liked to think he had accomplished those things, and he had done so on his own. He was proud of that — of himself.

“You made the bad days worth it without even knowing,” he continued talking. You had never heard him speak this much. “The days in which I believed there was nothing more to myself than what everybody wanted to believe, mostly. You didn’t know a damn thing about me, and if you did then you never showed it. I was just Damian, your neighbor.”

“I—“

He shushed so you would shut up. He wasn’t done. “I was just Damian to you even tonight, surrounded by people who only see me as an extension to my father.”

“I like being just Damian. And for a while, I thought that was it. We’re good friends, we feel comfortable around each other… but the fact that you are gorgeous was never going to help my case.”

He stopped you before you could say anything. Almost desperate as he said, “I didn’t offer to do this because I wanted you to like me, or because I wanted to know how it felt like to be your partner. I need you to know that.”

“I also need you to know that the only reason why I’m telling you all of this is that I wish I didn’t have to lie when I told my family you were my girlfriend, because I wish you could truly get to know my father… because my family likes you and you like them, and it feels good.”

Getting rid of your coat, you let it fall onto the couch beside you. “Can I talk now?”

“You don’t have to say anything.”

You nodded. “But I want to.” When you were sure he wouldn’t interrupt again, you spoke, “I don’t know what’s going on. I mean, I’m not blind, you’re handsome, and I like spending time with you...”

“But?” he asked, impatient.

“There’s not a but. Let me finish!”

He motioned for you to go on.

“This is new. And I’m... confused?” You shook your head. “Not confused. Maybe surprised?” Chuckling, you messed with your hair. “I was going to distance myself from you for a little while to figure things out. And now I feel like I wouldn’t bear it.”

He swallowed loudly. “I can give you space if that’s what you need.”

“No.” It wasn’t what you needed, it couldn’t be when you felt the most comfortable around him.

Damian sat down, watching you. He liked doing it, following the movement of your lips as you spoke, and the way your hands seemed to have a mind of their own.

“I like being just Damian,” he repeated. “But I would love to be your Damian.”

Flushed, you admitted, “I like the sound of that.”

“Would you like to be my (Name)?” he asked softly.

“I would love to.”

“We can take things slow,” he assured you, eyes dancing all over your face. “I don’t want to pressure you or myself.”

You sat next to him. “It’s fine by me.”

Damian softly smiled. He placed his hand on top of yours, gripping it as his warmth eased the coldness of your fingers.

You returned the smile. “What a week, huh?”

“Eventful,” he conceded, scooting closer to you.

“At least we had an exciting end of the year.”

He playfully narrowed his eyes. “Is the Venn diagram between your idea of excitement and your idea of anxiety a perfect circle?”

You elbowed him on the side. “It wasn’t that bad.” Turning to look at him, you added, “Was it?”

Shaking his head, he stared at your lips as he whispered, “Should we make it more exciting?”

You licked your bottom lip, lightly leaning in. “It’s only fair.”

Damian left the playfulness to the side and captured your lips between his. The kiss was short and chaste, a perfectly acceptable first kiss between people who hadn’t known what they felt for each other until a few days ago.

But you soon remembered that it didn’t have to stop there. That you didn’t want it to. So you kissed him again, and Damian allowed you to set the pace at first.

Withdrawing his hand from yours, he wrapped his arm around your neck and brought you closer, prompting you to place your farthest hand on his shoulder as you tilted your head.

You felt him smile against your lips before the pressure of his mouth on yours became harsher.

Thankfully, you wouldn’t need a new identity. You liked yours very much.

[wisteria-lodge]

lion primary + burnt rapid-fire bird secondary (snake model)

Hi! I’m really enjoying your page and was wondering if you might help me to find my sorting? I can’t settle on Chill Lion Primary or Snake Primary.

I seem to be able to leave friendships really easy

Not *Badger,* maybe? Because Snake can be friends with people who aren’t Inner Circle. Depends on what level of loyalty we’re talking about here… need more data.

if the choice is a stranger in need vs. my closest friend, it would be a stranger I would feel worst for abandoning, but I probably only deeply care about my family members, and friends only to some extent and helping someone in need would make me feel as a better person than just not turning my back on a friend.

… THAT is not a Snake primary answer, I can tell you that for sure.

When I was a kid and my mom would have a fight with my stepfather, I would always side with my mom, even if I knew she was not really right. I did not want to hurt her, but now when I am older, I know how important it is to stand by what you see as right, so I try to d talk about seeing things from both sides, even though I will still stand by her side in the end, probably. There is not much I can do for the people I care about, but when I am given an opportunity to protect and fight for them, I will.

There’s something interesting going on here. Because clearly you acted in a super Snake way when you were younger (‘they might be wrong, but I’m still going to defend them’) but… you felt bad about it. And you definitely *feel* bad about it, in retrospect.

Especially with that situation you gave me right there… I would not be at all surprised if you were expected to model Snake, or even forced to model Snake when you were younger.

But I deeply believe ‘the root of all evil’ is only caring about your own. I think that is selfish and cold.

Yeah. I think you may have an unhealthy Snake influence in your life. The conflict between Loyalists and Idealists is very near the heart of this system, and they do go back and forth, with Loyalists seeing Idealists as ruthless and cruel, Idealists seeing Loyalists as… yeah, selfish and cold. The way I see it, both are beautiful and expansive and know things the other needs to learn - and both can also be warped, and unhealthy, and scary.

I think I would be a better person if I had something to believe in, if I would fight for something bigger than me. I have not found it. Or maybe I did, but there is not much I can do about it. I can not incorporate it into my life apart from personal small actions, and I want to do more

This is very much a Lion primary dream. And I just want to say that the Lion dream does not have to be huge and all-encompassing in order to be meaningful, and real, and fulfilling.

Or maybe I just want an easy and lazy life, just doing what I like and just a bit more and that’s it. Sometimes it is like that too, I believe.

And you know what, that’s kind of a Lion primary mood too :)

I wouldn’t say standing by people you most care about is morally right, but it is a damn strong force.

Still Lion. Like OF COURSE if you can stand by both your morals and your people, that’s IDEAL.

As much as I can remember, I never had anything big and idealistic to believe in, apart from not hurting others, and a lot of what I believe in now is based on that.

You *want* something big and idealistic to believe in, to be happy and fulfilled. That’s still Lion, even if no Cause has clicked with you yet. (I suspect you’re a little burned, which can’t be helping.)

So I was always really harsh to people who I thought were selfish.

Again with this negative Snake influence.

I thought I was a Lion Secondary, but more and more I keep noticing how much I am using honesty as a tool.

Hmmm. Could be a Snake secondary tactic, but Birds do like their tools….

Sure, being yourself is the easiest thing in the world

… everyone does not feel this way. You’ve got strong Lion in your sorting somewhere.

but it also allows you to be seen as readable and trustworthy in your words. I know how much I can shift words or tone just a bit. Sometimes it feels like I am watching from inside, going “oh, you’re doing this now?”

That’s interesting. The way you’re describing thing - the slight arm’s length, knowing the mask is a mask, but also not planning the mask - is making me think more Snake. Although Actor Bird *is* possible.

I am very emotional, and I find it hard to distinguish my morality and moral choices from just general things I do and want.

… so you’re a Lion primary.

So the only other primary on my list could be Lion, which I find hard to understand. How can things turn from some tug of the heart to a full-fleshed ideal? My belief – trying not to hurt people and all that is related to it, in my mind, still comes from a grounded reality, from the fact that it hurts me to see someone being hurt. It’s not because it was idealistically formed somewhere. I think I probably don’t understand this correctly.

Lion primaries aren’t jedi. Their ideals don’t get magically beamed into their heads from some outside force. Lions reason just the same as Birds, they just use a different part of their psyche to do it. The fact that your morality (at its core, at its base) comes from the way things make you feel… that is what makes you a Lion. Birds don’t process things that way.

Maybe this sounds a bit like a Badger Primary, but there is no place for a group in my morality, in my life. Neighbors? Pffft, just let us live in peace and leave us alone. Groups are unpleasant usually. Maybe if you could choose people you like and click with them. Of course, acceptance is important, but it will never be the basis of anything. Have I never had an important group in my life? Maybe, but that would either mean I have been burned for a long time or I am just not a Badger Primary.

You’re not a Badger primary. And while it’s not a universal thing, I would say that Lion primaries tend to be the *most* comfortable with being loners, or spending extending periods of time as loners.

Of course, I use my brain and prioritize in the moment and use logic. I am not a sweet and nice badger girl, although I will be nice and smile and act my part, and sometimes you do hurt someone by telling the truth or putting yourself first, because I also don’t want to hurt myself if I have a different choice.

This is all starting to sound very snake secondary. The practicality, and twisting, and changing in the moment. Although maybe there’s a Badger performance in there?

Even if I can’t feel what others are feeling, I have something informing me about what they might be feeling. Do I care about not hurting my neighbor? It’s more like I care about not hurting myself by getting into a bad situation with them, being shouted at or having other kinds of problems with them, but that’s still some kind of motivation

Move around the problem, be like water.

Honesty is an idealistic value, and I like it, but I think it probably just makes my life easier, easier to read people and be read.

Snake secondary.

I think I also strongly believe in persons’ right to be and express who they are, that’s why I grew up hating gender stereotypes and not really playing into social rituals. I just want to be seen and liked for who I am.

Lion primary.

My Secondary? It probably burned to ashes. Thinking about how I am doing stuff, improv vs build, it just gives me a headache. Improvisation gives me stress, it gives me hell, but it’s the easiest way.

I mean, all the stuff you’ve been talking about - reading people, putting on the right face, changing direction - absolutely counts as improvisational.

Planning, preparing? Lovely, usually -  access denied. I just go head first just because I don’t know any other way and have no interest or energy to search for it. I am easily bored, so even if I wanted to work, prepare, research, I would lose interest so fast that there would be no use in even trying.

I don’t think you’re a Badger secondary - but it’s just hard to tell because you are so down on your secondary in general. You’re telling me that prepping in theory is lovely but you don’t know how to do it? (not that you don’t LIKE it. That you CAN’T do it.)

I always thought I would finally find something I wanted to work on, something I would enjoy putting time and energy into, but that does not seem to come true.

That’s some more of the angst of your charred/unfulfilled Lion primary coming though.

I am disappointed in myself. You know, it would be very nice if I could be witty and smart and improvise in the moment, but I’m not,

So you *like* Snake secondaries at least.

so I just gave up some time ago and now usually go straight with my head first. At least I’m getting the experience I would never get any other way.

Your secondary is burnt, for sure. But just reading between the lines here… I think you’re much smarter and more capable than you give yourself credit for.

I think if I were to be a Lion Secondary and constantly do this, I wouldn’t feel the heaviness over my secondary.

That’s another big sign of a burnt secondary. Doing things isn’t fun, it’s heavy, it’s a chore, it’s a slog.

Okay, let’s talk about recipes and cooking. I will follow the recipe, at least until I get what is going on, which flavor does what, why is this and not that. Then I can ditch it. I can add whatever I want later on. If I know which parts are the most important, I might not even need the recipe.

… okay, so this suddenly sounds a LOT like a Rapid-Fire Bird

Imagine a world where they give you a recipe for an apple pie and say make a pie. You follow it, your pie looks fine. Then, when they taste it, they tell you, Oh, you didn’t know, you needed to use sour apples. You didn’t figure that out on your own? No, dagnabit, I was concentrating on making an apple pie for the first time in my life. I had no experience of this thing. I didn’t know what it would be. Then they tell you, Oh, maybe you needed to use coconut sugar or something else, or maybe should have figured out yourself that it’s too sweet or that you hate cinnamon, or maybe your oven is not working properly, so you need to deal with that. Yeah, that’s how I feel about life and its problems and people.

Oh that’s interesting. Because what *this* bit is sounding like… is the angst of a Built secondary dealing with a lot of Improvisational secondaries. I’m think you’re a Bird… with a lot of Snakes and Lions in your life.

Every chance I get, I try to tell people these little small things that you somehow supposedly had to figure out on your own. You need to crack the system first to know how you can break it the best way to achieve your goals. Life, problems, people are systems I will never be able to crack. There is nothing to grab onto, so that’s why freefalling headfirst is the best and the easiest option.

OH. Burnt bird secondary. Snake model.

Btw, I am reading other submissions while writing this, to not go completely out of the path and get any ideas that would be valuable. I do like to have a net behind me to catch me if I fall, ha.

And another little detail that sounds very Birdy.

So I’m reading you as a Lion primary with a Rapid-fire Bird secondary. Your primary is burned a little, and your secondary is burned a lot. And a big part of the reason for that is that you’ve got people around you expecting you to use a Snake model all the time, and you *do* have one, you do. But it feels heavy to you right now. You don’t hate it, but you’d rather use Rapid-Fire or maybe Actor Bird. And that might be feeding into the general Anti-Snake sentiment I’m seeing here.

[queen-of-deans-booty]

Serotonin

Characters: Dean Winchester x Reader, Sam Winchester

Word Count: 2,031

Warnings: soft smut, cockwarming, fluff, mention of children on cases

Request by @sharp-cheekbones-locked​: Can you write a DeanxReader where a hunt went wrong and the reader needs to get out so Dean drags her into Baby and they drive around. They are no couple yet just best friends. Somewhen they stop it's dawn and they lay on the hood of the car while they watch the sunset and gaze stars. They end up holding hands, cuddling, kissing. If you want smut in baby.

Summary: Dean is your best friend, and you’ve always wanted to be more. If it happens, then it happens, and if it’s going to happen, then it’s going to happen now.

Squares Filled: driving in the impala for @spndeanbingo​ // god helps those who help themselves for @as-the-saying-goes-bingo​ // healer for @spnfluffbingo​ // “I’m fine. It’s just that life is pointless and nothing matters and I’m always tired.” for @spnquotebingo​

Author’s Note: This is unbeta’d and all mistakes are mine. If you have any requests, please send them in!

Hunts don’t always go as planned. Sometimes they allow room for ideas and improvising thinking that can either got o shit or it can save your life. Sometimes the monsters aren’t always what they seem, and you have to change your way of thinking and planning in order to get the monster. Sometimes, a hunt can take a turn for the worst, and you’re left with a dead child, a dead monster, and a lot of blood that’s been spilled.

It’s no one’s fault. You can’t ever predict this kind of behavior. Monsters act on their own accord, and you’re never really sure what you’re dealing with until you do. The child that died wasn’t anyone’s fault--it was a complete accident, but that doesn’t stop your brain from thinking back to your past, the decisions you’ve made, and the worry you now carry on your shoulders.

No one is safe, not even children anymore.

The entire ride home was spent in complete and utter pain of the choices you’ve made, worrying about where they are now and what they’re doing. Wondering if a monster is ever going to attack or grab at your choices. You know for a fact they aren’t in this life because you made sure they were far from it.

It’s weird how all you want is to hold him close as if being right by your side is safer than being on the other side of the world from you.

Dean can see just how much this hunt is taking a toll on you, but he doesn’t know how to ask you about it. The bags under your eyes are heavy, your shoulders sag from all the weight and stress you’ve been carrying, and your body is just tired. As soon as you trudge through the door, he says something.

“Are you okay?”

“I’m fine. It’s just that life is pointless and nothing matters and I’m always tired,” you shrug.

“Okay, come with me.”

“Dean--”

“Just for a drive. Give me twenty minutes of your time.”

“Okay,” you whisper.

Sam takes yours and Dean’s bags since he knows something is up too. He wants to be of help in any way, but he knows Dean is going to help more. You’re much closer to the oldest brother than to the youngest. You’re the oldest sibling as well, you had to parent your younger siblings before, and you had to take on much more responsibilities than the others just to make sure they were having the time of their lives.

You know a thing or two about what Dean has been through, so he’s the brother you leaned on the most whenever you needed someone. You two are just friends, but the possibility of being something more has always been in the back of your mind. You’ve never done anything about it because you don’t want to ruin what you two have.

Plus, your friendship is more than amazing--he’s everything you could ever need in a best friend.

If you two happen, then you two happen. You’re very much happy with either of those choices. As long as he’s in your life, there can be no wrong. You’re just not going to actively search for something that doesn’t want to be found. You haven’t found it in ten years, and you’re not sure if you’ll ever find it in him.

The drive away from the bunker is nice. The windows are down, there is a nice breeze going on outside, the rock music is low and soothing, and your best friend is right next to you. There haven’t been any words exchanged on this ride since you two have got int he car, and that’s alright. Dean knows you’ll talk to him when you’re ready to talk. In the meantime, he’s just going to keep driving.

That twenty minutes took forty that also turned into an hour and a half. Right now, you’re parked on top of a hill that’s surrounded by trees overlooking the small city. The air is so clear and the sky is so dark that you can see the stars as if they were right in front of you and not millions of light-years away. The sun is almost going down, and it gives off a dull pinkish hue that makes everything seem magical. You two are ling on top of Baby’s hood, just lying in silence. That silence is broken when you sigh deeply with a shake of your head.

“You don’t know this about me, but when I graduated high school, I got pregnant,” you begin.

You can’t fathom the thought of looking at Dean right now, so you opt to look at the stars as if they are listening to you.

“I got pregnant with someone horrible. I left and had the baby all on my own. I wasn’t in the right mind to care for a child, so I put him up for adoption. I made sure he got adopted into a loving home with amazing parents--parents who are better than I could ever be. I got pregnant with someone truly horrible, but all I felt for my baby boy was pure love.

“All I could think was, ‘how can someone as beautiful as you come from someone as evil as him?’. I got scared knowing he’s all I’d ever want and need but also knowing that he deserved a lot more than me. Seeing that little boy yesterday brought it all back. I can’t even imagine my son in the hands of those monsters. I can’t even imagine my son always looking over his shoulder because something might be there to eat him if he’s not careful.

“I keep telling myself that with him being on the other side of the world with loving parents and a great home is a helluva lot better than being by my side with monsters and demons and guns. I don’t know what I’d do if I knew he was in danger without me being by his side. I make sure he’s okay. I have the family send me letters and postcards of him without him knowing. I have them sent to a P.O. Box a few towns over.

“But every time I see a child on our hunts, I think of him. What if it is him? What if the monsters got to him because he wasn’t prepared? What if they brought him to me just so they could rub it in my face that they are the ones killing him? It drives me insane just thinking about it, and I hate it. That’s why I get like this whenever a child is involved. I figured if anyone should know, it’s you.”

You finally have the courage to look at Dean, only to find out he’s already looking at you. His green eyes swirl with admiration and sympathy. You’re nothing to admire, but he’s on a whole other level right now.

“Thank you for telling me,” he says.

“You’re my best friend. I figured I owe you at least an explanation instead of shutting you out,” you chuckle dryly.

“You do that anyway.”

“I do,” you laugh.

You two stay like that, just staring into each other eyes. You’re afraid to make the next move in fear of it being the wrong one, so you just stay like that. It’s a nice night, and you don’t want to leave the bubble you blew around yourself. Just you and Dean, Baby, the stars, and nothing else to distract you two. If anything is going to happen, it’s going to happen now--you don’t know when and you don’t know how, but you have a feeling this is what you’ve been waiting for over ten years.

The stars twinkle in support for you two, and you find yourself leaning closer to Dean. Either you’re doing it or he is--maybe both--but your lips meet his in the middle. His lips are a lot softer than you’d imagine them to be with how much he licks, bites, and chews on them. His hand is soft against your cheek, just barely letting you know he isn’t going to be anything but gentle with you. Normally, you’d go for the much rougher side of things, but right now, you’re grateful for some tenderness.

You’re not exactly sure how you two ended up in the backseat of baby, but you can’t think of anything else except for the weight of his body against yours. Clothes peel off like old skin trying to shed from its new body. Two hearts beat as one the longer you spend pressed against his bare body. His lips are cool against your heated skin, yet the ignite the fire within you.

There’s no need for foreplay. You’ve had ten years’ worth of foreplay to encourage this one evening. He slides in easily as if he’s meant to be inside you this entire time. Out of all the men you’ve been with, never has someone felt as good as Dean does. It’s like the stars created you two to be together and with no one else.

Shocks of pleasure course up your spine, causing you to throw your head back. His lips attach themselves to your breasts, his hands grip your hips, and his cock hits places you never knew were there. His hips snap to yours quicker and faster, and the serotonin in your brain kicks in at full speed.

“Shit, Dean, you feel so good,” you moan.

“Are you going to come for me?” he whispers against your skin.

“Yes,” you let out a breathy moan.

“Do you want me to come in you?”

“Yes.”

“As you wish, sweetheart,” he grunts.

At the same time, his hips go just a bit harder causing his cock to push just a bit deeper. The car is filling up with sweat, heat, and the delicious smell of sex. Condensation covers the window, and you’ve always wanted to be like Rose in the Titanic when she has sex in the car with Jack. It’s not needed, but you slam your hand against the window, leaving behind evidence of your love.

Without detaching from your right breast, he moves his hand further south and rubs your clit in small circles. The immediate stimulation from that including the way his cock hits what you can only assume is your g-spot is enough to send you over the edge. Dean has been picturing this moment in his mind for a long time, and now that he gets to experience it with you, it’s enough to send him tumbling over the edge with you.

Your orgasm mixes with his in an attempt to create a child, but you know that’s impossible. Your first and only child was a miracle because you had almost died during childbirth, and the doctor explicitly told you that children weren't good odds for you in the future. Maybe they would happen with Dean, but you’re not getting your hopes up.

You come down from your high, but the serotonin in your brain stays at its peak level. Just being with Dean is enough to keep you on that high for the rest of your life. His cock softens inside you, but he doesn’t move to take it out. He likes staying where it’s warm, and you don’t mind the comfort.

“I love you,” you whisper when you get enough strength to stare into his eyes.

“I love you,” he repeats back to you.

“Let’s stay like this for a while. It feels nice,” you mutter and close your eyes.

“Yeah, it does,” he nods.

He moves while still keeping you locked onto him. You don’t know how he does it, but he has managed to flip you so he’s resting on the backseat with you on top of him. He didn’t want to crush you, but he likes having your weight on top of him. It’s reminding him that there is some good left in this world. It’s hard to find and it’s not always what you’re looking for, but once you have it, all the bad seems worth it.

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[painted-crow]

Submission Time #14

Submission about secondary

Hi, Paint! I was wondering if you ever had time, could you please help and give your thoughts on my secondary?

I guess my quiz results really depend on my mood, on a bad mood I can get a bird or snake, on good mood – a badger secondary. I rarely get a lion secondary, and I’m strangely calm about it, it would really be funny if I’d be a double burned lion but evidence shows that’s probably not the case. Also, I’m sorry for all the mistakes I will be making and the ones I didn’t notice, and this is so long, I’m sorry. I will shamefully copy the other submission style, so if it’s wrong pls just ignore me.

Not a problem! I'm the one who suggested that people use it :)

When you succeed, how influential in that success were the people around you? – I don’t know for sure, and I might be ungrateful here, but I think I’m still the one making the calls and thinking about stuff. Sure, I ask for help and opinion, support, but I’m still the one who has to do the thing. But it’s true I should probably pay more respect and gratitude to the ones who are there for me.

This suggests you aren't a Courtier Badger by nature. Doesn't yet rule out Bookkeeper style Badger, though.

Do people consider you charismatic? / Do people consider you trustworthy? – Eh, maybe. I love that there is a possibility to choose such an answer. Charisma for me is a tool, a mask, while for being trustworthy, some people do, some would like that I’d be more of it, I think people’s opinions on what that is can really differ. I’ve always read that people can’t trust a Gemini, that they have long and loose tongues, one day I decided that will never be me, no matter what others say.

Basically everything I know about astrology is either Homestuck or LavenderTowne's "drawing the signs as cute characters" videos on YouTube 😆 but as a Cancer who does not fit most of the Cancer description, rest assured I will not judge you for this :p

Describing charisma as a "tool" suggests it might be part of a Snake model or a skill you've picked up through Bird.

Do people consider you flexible? – No. Things have to be the way I want them to be. Stupid, problematic, not realistic, I know.

Haha, maybe Bird xD or maybe Bookkeeper Badger. This is a Built secondary answer.

Do you like going into situations with a plan? – Here‘s the thing about my plans – they are small, not really fleshed out. I do like to be prepared, but I do not seek out to be, because usually no matter how much I prepare I feel that it still is heavily not enough so it’s almost the same as just diving in and doing whatever.

Rapid fire Bird with Snake model? Or perhaps the other way around. It sounds from your last answer like this isn't the kind of situation you feel most comfortable in.

Not all Birds like to plan. I for one am a "hoard all the skills and resources" style Bird, and don't tend to plan very much for individual situations, especially ones that change quickly. If I were to prepare for something like that, it would be gathering knowledge about the situation in advance, rather than deciding how to respond based on probably-inaccurate expectations.

Still, this makes it sound a bit like you don't trust Bird, or at least not the planning form of Bird.

When you spot a metaphorical obstacle in your path, what do you do? – This one is the one that always makes me think Am I a snake secondary? If there’s a problem that maybe could arise, why would you not find another way around? Face it? Understand it? Pfffff…. It’s so much stress and trouble, just go around it if you can. If not, well, yeah, I’d just face it head on I guess.

How do you feel about shortcuts? – Well, if it means landscapes shortcuts – love them. In life and situations – no. It feels unstable, unsafe. If there is a way you need to do things, I will do it the right way. I might cut ways in small and not that important ways, but no more.

See, these two questions have me really considering Bookkeeper Badger for you, and I'm starting to understand why you're confusing the quiz so much.

I think the quiz considers these to be kind of opposite answers--just getting around a problem rather than solving it might be considered a shortcut. This is the kind of issue you get with abstract questions, but the problem is that concrete questions are rarely ambiguous enough to serve the right purpose. This is also why I suggest sending me quiz questions--because you're allowed to elaborate, and I interpret your answers differently from the computer. :)

Do you like to gather all possible information before making a decision? – Yeah, I do gather information, research, but at a certain point you just have to dive in, as another person said.

You might have a Bird model? Or you might even be burned Bird, because you don't not use Bird but you don't seem to trust it much or see it as worth relying on.

Is knowing things or knowing people more useful when solving problems? – I really don’t know how to answer this one. Intuitively, without thinking, I’d say things, but there are so much BUTs. Maybe it’s because I always had problems in social situations, that I’m very reserved, cold and shy so I don’t build relationships that could be called like that? Obviously it’s more useful to have someone help you and teach you how to do stuff, like legal documents, mechanics, computer engineering or other stuff that is hard to understand and boring to me or things that I don’t have resources to do. When I go to people asking for help, I ask because I know they can help, I don’t just go to my community, to my people asking IF anyone could help. I don’t know, this question for me is really painful. A simple answer would be people. Like if I’d think about building a house or a van to live in, it would be more useful to know someone who knows how to do these things then knowing how to do it myself. I’d miss so much details by myself. But then why I still want to press Things?

Huh, that's interesting. Especially interesting that you describe this as painful--like, it really matters to you.

You might be a burned Bird with a Badger model that's almost totally Bookkeeper style--which, if that Badger is a model, it would make perfect sense why it relies so heavily on one aspect of that secondary.

You don't seem very Snakey to me so far. The "get around the obstacle" thing is the quiz's Snake answer, and charisma (even as a tool) isn't Snake exclusive either.

When your plan fails, what do you do? – This question always makes me smile, because my answer is 1. I don’t plan, BUT if I did have a plan that failed, if it was that important; 2. I panic; 3. Then, I calm down and improvise like my life depends on it.

Huh. I don't know if this points to anything in particular...

Do you collect things? – No? I collect books that I actually liked, even if I will never read them again, I want to have them around. I have a couple of diplomas, but it’s just because I couldn’t decide or couldn’t see myself in that career. I maybe collect plants. Other than maybe these things, I don’t really feel like I collect anything.

And here again the bird secondary shows up. I really don’t see it with my inability to plan and prepare for things. I feel unprepared for everything and too bored and not intrigued enough to prepare.

Oddly enough, this really makes me wonder if you're a Bird, specifically burned. This isn't just a neutral "yeah I don't really use it," it sounds actually sad and negative: you don't feel able to use it, you feel bored and unprepared. It sounds like you've tried, like you wish you could use it... but it's just not there for you.

Do you study or plan excessively for things that aren’t useful?... – Plan – no. Study – yes. I’m one of those people who has started a new hobby in the pandemic, which involves studying I guess. And it absolutely has nothing to do with being useful, I just love it, so I guess yes. To me it has a purpose, I guess.

You do seem to study a lot. You read books, which not everyone does. You have multiple diplomas. But they're a background element in your life, you were saying.

Do you think of relationships as something you invest in?... – Yes. I think we all invest in relationships, and in the smallest we at least expect that person to be with us, to support us if we had a hard day or a hard time. I do not invest in relationships with people because they can do stuff for me, do that or let me in there or here, or level me up in my career. That would be wrong, it’s not how you supposed to do it. But I’d still say that I think about this, about investing time and effort.

Badgers don't seem to like the idea of networking as a means of getting stuff, on the whole, even though that's how they get described because that's what people might see from the outside. (It's more like a Snake or sometimes a Bird to be okay with that description of their methods.)

I still think you have a lot of Bookkeeper to your secondary. I'm not sure if it's a strong model, or if your Bird is the model and it's just really burned anyway.

Do you act different in different groups? Does it bother you, if you do? – Yes, I think I probably do. It bothers me that I am thrown into a situation like that with people like that more than the fact that I act different. So it does bother me, but not in the way that the quiz authors intended that it should mean.

So, you only do this with certain groups where you don't feel safe. Again, I'm not getting a whole lot of Snake here?

So long as you know who you are, do you care what other people think? – Yes, absolutely. First, I don’t know who I am, sometimes, in certain situations, I can look inside myself and feel empty. It means I’m more ready to react to a situation than to show who I am, I guess. Secondly, what other people think about you can affect you, emotionally, or worst, actually in your physical life.

Okay. I think I might be getting this, finally.

Your secondary seems to be burned. It may be one of those cases where it's just burned, and you haven't recovered it or started up a strong model--this is part of the official SHC descriptions, that you can just burn your secondary and not have strong inclinations about it any more, you just do whatever works but none of it is very satisfying.

You get examples of this with characters pretty frequently, but with people it seems less common--you see a lot of models instead. I actually forgot that this was part of the SHC system until just now, but you can find a kind of not-super-comfortable stability in just... not having a secondary. This might be why you're getting hints of other secondaries, but it's hard to pin down anything strong enough for you to feel like you can claim it as yours.

I'd hazard that your secondary might have been Bird or Bookkeeper Badger before, and you have hints of both of those now. I lean towards Bird being your actual secondary and just extremely burned, and Bookkeeper being a bit of a model or performance you're kind of using but feel conflicted about.

In a pinch, you'll improvise or whatever, just anything that works, but it's not something you're very comfortable with. That's not the same thing as Snake, but I think it's why you're getting Snake results from the quiz.

Perhaps the reason you can't figure out your secondary, in short, is that it isn't there.

Thank you, and yes, please ignore me if it's annoying. Have a good time and be safe! 

Oof, I'm sorry that this isn't a cheerier result to hand you ^^; hugs! Hope you can find something that works for you soon.

[vanityloves]

oak and stars for slick! :0

ah yes... this was sent last year...apologies for the last reply...happy 2021 mfs ♡ and thank you sm for the ask!

Word count: 1.6k i guess wtf.

cw: idk? homestuck ajsjdj. kinda mushy towards the end but dw im Me ♡ there's a joke somewhere in here

oak - who’s the more emotional one? how do you balance each other out in this aspect?

Defining 'emotional' is a bit difficult since it's often seen as 'whos the crybaby' but techinally, both parties are emotionally driven. The sole factor is one usually works solo (when working with a group, usually takes a supporting role) and takes things personally. The other can put those feelings aside and work with a group even if they're holding a personal grudge against them. 

I'd have to say Ivory is more emotional in the sense of "who cried over (insert characters) death". But of course I'm going to elaborate. 

I've always had issues placing Ivory in one 'category' and describe them as "a bit all over the place". At first, they're very jumpy and put off by Slick's demeanor (fairly so). They aren't rude or cold though, rather they're defensive and almost always on guard when around others. Despite this, they're quick to come to someone's aid to act as a protector, since they easily sympathize with others that show fear, sadness or hurt, even if it's an act. (Rightfully) Protraying themselves as naive. They've always been the type to comfort and protect - having a very 'motherly' presence (Ivory is a whole ass mother so I don't blame them)

Ivory is known to display sporadic bursts of emotions that range from enthusiasm and joy or angst and rage before returning to their calmed state in minutes. They're an odd case of slow to anger but quick to put out. The Knight finds the entire thing tiring but don't try to stop said outburts. Things that upset them before, suddenly changes with the seasons. 

The type to appear cool, calm and collected and tries incredibly hard to maintain that when faced w/ dangerous situations. Inside though, they're probably ready to cry and once the ordeal is over, they probably do just that.

Ivory tries their best to think logically before jumping into any situation but find that things like 'promises' and plans hold them captive. They're easily swayed when things like this are brought up bc credibility and trust are incredibly important to them. Unfortunately, they're the type to beat themselves up over loses like that, even if it was for the greater good/nothing else could be done. They run off of the more positive emotions like hopefulness and joy (the 'happy feeling' after helping others). This isn't to say they're not petty or bitter, its very much the opposite - its too emotionally taxing to focus on themselves though. 

♤

I think Slick is emotional in the sense of he'll experience certain things and if it's something he's not used to, his first reaction is to respond with anger or aggression. He has a pretty bad temper and described to have a nasty attitude and very black and white with his thoughts and decision making. He's the embodiment of 'I won't hesitate, bitch.', if he says something, he will follow through. He's the type to keep promises and wants the upheld on both ends, if the other party does not follow through, he's not the type to feel hurt, rather resorting to anger and cutting off ties - physically and emotionally, he's never been attached.

The man is a mobster so he's used to seeing blood and gore. He's definitely hardened over the years of that rough and tumble lifestyle, so it really isn't personal for him. He's never had it easy and doesn't rely on others (besides the crew) but he's willing to work with others if push comes to shove.

He's not very emotional in the crying and sniffling way. He keeps to himself most of the time and doesn't feel the need to help or seek out others. However, that's countered when he finds himself helping others that are defenseless but become enraged that someone would pick on someone that was 'obviously weaker'. He has a definite soft spot for the gentle, kinder things he runs across but I wouldn't say he gets super emotional about it. Slick runs off of negative emotions such as anger, pettiness, (such as Ivory does with guilt).

♤

They balance each other out with their different outlook/approach on each situation. Some things need to be done immediately and spontaneously, just as some things need to be done with patience or methodically. This isn't to call Slick a dumbass or whatever - the man works best without overthinking the situation and making calls on the spot. Ivory has their fair share of improvised plans but tend to work better with a loose plan (even if it's "don't die"). Their anxiety and lack of confidence ultimately puts them at greater risk.

One thing that's great ab Slick is, he's very sure about himself, his actions, and his feelings so it's reassuring for Ivory. Ivory lends Slick a lot of patience, understanding, but with a firm hand. They don't expect him to take their advice all the time but they expect him to hear them out. There are plenty of close calls that stress Ivory out to no end but on the flipside, Slick doesn't expect Ivory to be so rash and promptly follows them when they do rush into things - he's protective by nature and there's a bit of a curiosity involved.

♤

Overall, their relationship tends to tilt towards the negative aspects of being emotionally driven - pettiness, guilt, spite, etc. But they reassure/calm the other when things get more serious. Slick is incredibly protective and will put himself in danger for them. It's not a matter of not trusting Ivory, rather, it is a sign of loyalty and commitment hebhas towards them.

Ivory is confident in Slick and knows he can fair well on his own or with a team - they still worry but they often rely on hope and luck that things will eventually work in their favor (that's not to say they won't work for their future/goals).  

♤

stars - what kind of a date would your f/o take you on?

Ivory was never one for big, flashy dates even in their previous relationships (much to their dismay, they went on many). Dressing up every so often is fun but loses its novelty if it's constant. Slick doesn't seem too flashy either, preferring to lay low and enjoy the time he has alone - sure he broods but he's having his noir film moment. He doesn't mind spending money, he's got plenty to spare which he usually uses on booze and cigarettes anyways. There's no harm in spoiling Ivory on occasion and probably enjoys taking them someplace nice. He hates dressing up in stuffy, 3 piece suits and avoids them at all costs, but if Ivory's dressed to the nines, he's not gonna be shown up.

I've said it as a joke but truthfully, the couple could start off at a 5 star and end up at the diner down the street. Sharing fries all done up in heels and makeup, cufflinks and polished shoes. 

That being said, they're both more casual! The duo is more than content driving around the city listening to the radio and enjoying the others company, regardless of the silence.*** Truthfully, dinner and a nice drive or walk around the city is ideal. Ivory's more of a window shopping type and enjoys peeking into windows to watch people bustle around. Slick tends to walk a few steps behind to keep them in view, admire from afar type. He's not a very chatty individual and tends to rely on looks and physical touch when talking to Ivory. He's got a permanent scowl on his face but he's truly content when he's with them.

♤

Slick enjoys his privacy but he's not against going out for drinks and enjoying a nice performance here and there. But if it's shit, he won't be sticking around (if he goes alone), with Ivory he can distract himself and leads them somewhere quiet and he snidely comments on the performances while Ivory tries to find the good and bad in it.

Since that's more of a hit or miss type of date, he tends to do things that are sure to be more relaxing. He's a hotblooded guy, while Ivory's more mellow so he figures getting them riled up isn't something that's 'fun' for them; makes him settle his ass down before he breaks a hip He'll pop in a few of his cherished noir films and let them get as close as they like - he's not as picky ab touch when they're alone.

If not that, he has Ivory randomly choose a record to play and sits back with them. If he was generous and feeling sweet, he'll help them to their feet and hold them near and sway together. He's an awkward romantic but a romantic nonetheless, so he's willing to push through it for the sake of having them against him and teasing them if they look a bit flushed (but reading the atmosphere).

***Extra thing:

Slick really said 'I know a place' and drives out of the city that scares shit out of Ivory- purely because this is unknown territory. Of course they trust him but their nerves often get the best of them as they sit up, a bit stiffly as they look at the scenery passing by.

Very smooth conversation:

"this is where I get rid of 'things'"

"really?"

"yeah"

"oh...at least the view is nice. guess that's why you drove this far."

*met w/ silence*

What 'things', you may ask? Take a wild guess! Maybe it's emotional baggage, sometimes is Physical Baggage!

[blueweirdness]

What if Deceit hates lying?

Okay, how do I even explain this one?

First of all, I don’t have much concrete evidence aside from “I don’t want Thomas to be disadvantaged in a world where you can die for not following the rules made in the name of a lie.” So most of this is pure speculation. Tbh, this turned into an overall analysis of Deceit’s character.

In Can Lying Be Good, Deceit almost acted as though he couldn’t help but lie:

“Ow, that hurt... DX I mean, that didn’t hurt me. >:D At all.”

“Well, this went all according to plan.”

“You’ve seen the last of me!”

But we’ve seen since then that that’s not exactly true. Deception, of course, isn’t just face-value lying or sarcasm. Deception isn’t always quick and easy, either. Deception can be a long strategy-game that requires patience, adaptability, and a level head. Any combination of any or every kind of lie, all timed carefully. You have to be able to anticipate your opponents’ moves or have the ability to improvise when they do what you don’t expect.  Luckily for him, Deceit is playing with the people he knows the best in the world because they’re the same person.

We’ve also seen that Deceit acts pretty confident most of the time, but I’ll be honest, that stuff I just described about deception sounds exhausting. Especially considering he’s gone to all this trouble during all this time and his plans still don’t work. If his goal really is self-preservation above everything, I can’t help but imagine that Deceit feels like his job is to babysit the others. To top it all off, it’s a thankless job. Thomas didn’t even know Deceit existed until Can Lying Be Good, and even now, he’s regarded as a bad guy. What if his point in CLBG was to convince Thomas that lying was okay so that Thomas would think he was good? So that he could introduce himself in a way that made Thomas think he was a hero?

But don’t worry, I’m not condoning lying or deception. However, Deceit obviously thinks he’s doing what he does for a good reason. An “ends justifies the means” kinda thing.

“Everything has a purpose, and sometimes fulfilling your purpose requires keeping things... close to the chest.”

Next, have you ever noticed the irony of S vs. S being that Deceit helped them find the truth? That was his objective, though at the same time, he was trying to prove that Thomas was lying? And that he should? This along with him saying the line, “I don’t want Thomas to be disadvantaged... in the name of a lie,” got me wondering if appearing not to hate lies was his greatest deception all along.

But why would he hate it if it was the definition of his very being? Well, for that, we have to look at our beloved Spider Son.

Because Anxiety affects Virgil too. Anxiety is Virgil. Just because he is the literal source of it doesn’t mean that he enjoys it. From what we’ve seen, it affects him the most of all, which is why he actively alerts the others to it. Because he wants the problem gone. We’ve also seen that he likes things that alleviate that stress, “Thomas’ friends do make me feel more at ease.” However, Virgil is still willing to be harsh if it’s for the greater good. So it stands to reason that if Thomas as a whole hates lying then Deceit might not like doing it, either, even though he thinks he has to.

And his thing is ultimately self-preservation, so maybe he doesn’t hate every lie, just the ones that would hurt Thomas. Maybe the keyword in that quote is “disadvantaged.” He obviously doesn’t seem to be as bothered when the lie supposedly works to Thomas’ advantage.

But one last thing. My proof that deception isn’t all there is to Deceit is in the last ten or so minutes of S vs. S. After he outs Thomas for his lies once and for all and after Roman delivers his sentence, he does something supposedly opposite to his nature.

He is 100% sincere with them on an emotional level.

He is genuinely triumphant when he thinks he’s won and genuinely exasperated with them he’s failed. I don’t think he could be faking those reactions (unless he’s completely faking the whole villain thing just to teach Thomas morale things, but that’s a conspiracy for another day). They just feel too raw to me to be fake.

[peace-coast-island]

Diary of a Junebug

A lesson in knowing your limits

Gyroid hunting, magic spells, mountain climbing, hanging with friends - all the makings of a fun campsite event! But as with all events, there's also the stress of getting things done in time.

Let's say that what happened earlier today served as a reminder to us that sometimes life gets too stressful and that there will be times where we don't have everything under control. That's not to say that this gyroid adventure hasn't been fun, but on top of all the other stuff that's been going on, it's hard to enjoy yourself when your mind is elsewhere.

Since opening the camp, I have developed a love/hate relationship with the holidays. And with this being a holiday event, we're in a bigger time crunch if we want to get everything set for Toy Day. There's also the fact that Daisy Jane and I are going back home to Rosevine for Emmaline and Minnie's wedding right after the festivities so that puts even more pressure on ourselves to finish things fast.

Joining us for our toy gyroid escapades are Almie, Pippa, and a new friend - Mariposa Silva! Her name means butterfly - isn't that pretty! Almie and Pippa talked about her a lot last time and I'm glad to finally meet her! The three are staying with us until Toy Day, which is in a couple days, so Daisy Jane and I will be leaving with them for home.

I can see why Pippa's all starry eyed over Mariposa and after what happened today, I think the two of them being friends is the best thing to ever happen to her in light of everything she's been through this year. Almie's been a good big brother to her but Pippa really needs someone who can understand her and Mariposa's the kind of friend who fits right in.

So Mariposa is a newcomer who's been living with Rosevine's notorious troublemaker witch Luna as her apprentice. Luna may act all tough but we all know she has a soft spot for us kids like Almie and Emmaline. Pippa's been training with Luna too as witchcraft and wizardry kinda overlap in some areas. I don't know what surprises me more - Luna taking in a teenage girl she randomly bumped into (literally) with no questions and teaching her magic or Luna agreeing to help Pippa (a wizard of all beings - in short, bad association with wizards) with her magic as well as teaching some witchcraft as well. Then again, for the latter, Luna and Almie are partners in crime so it makes sense that she has a soft spot for Pippa as well.

What makes Mariposa unique is that she's able to conjure magic despite not being magical herself, which takes a lot of work. It's not an easy feat for us ordinary people - believe me, I've tried (and tried)! Maybe there's hope for me but at this point I shouldn't get my hopes up too high. Because of life circumstances she has to bear since birth (she really has a way with words), Mariposa has mastered the art of improvisation.

Since she can't summon magic naturally like Luna and Pippa, Mariposa developed her own way of conjuring glyphs and such. So she has to do a little bit of extra work to cast a spell, which can complicate things a bit. There's a lot of things that can slow Mariposa down, however there's two that can't. First is the conjuring of spells - she's resourceful, creative, and super imaginative - when you can't make magic the traditional way, you gotta get crafty. Second is her right arm - or lack of.

In short, Mariposa was born with a bunch of health problems, a nonexistent right arm is one of them. At this point it's all just "blah, blah, blah" to her. She's spent sixteen years with one arm - her entire life - so whatever pitying thing someone wants to say to her, she's heard it all. Sure it might complicate conjuring magic in some situations but she just rolls with it. That's why she's so good at improvising, problem solving, and thinking way outside the box - something she believes is the universe's way of compensating for what she's been given.

For the past few days we've been hiking around the camp looking for gyroids. Mariposa and Pippa showed off some cool spells they learned from Luna while Almie told us about their latest shenanigans. Highlights include Pippa one-upping a frenemy of Luna's with a scalding hot burn, Almie offering to fix up Luna's car with some "embellishments" which may or may not have caused a wingbat uprising, and Mariposa accidentally awakening an ancient spirit while trying to impress Willow and Angie. And of course, we've been talking about the upcoming wedding.

Since I last saw Pippa, she's been getting her strength back. From being diagnosed with leukemia to suffering from complications as well as a near relapse, the past several months have been hard on her. Almie said that outside of family, Mariposa and Angie, and later Willow, were a great deal of help - especially Mariposa. It's so good to see Pippa out and about, almost like how she was before she got sick.

I guess sometimes we're so focused on trying to get things back to normal after getting thrown off that we don't always realize that in many cases, there's no going back. With Pippa keeping up with her studies, practicing her magic, and helping out with the wedding, it seems like everything's back to normal. Aside from having to keep up with meds and appointments and such, Pippa's well on her way to recovery.

Of course, looks can be deceiving. While Pippa is doing well, she still has to be careful not to wear herself out too much. The wedding's been a bit of an incentive for her to stay healthy, especially since she's a bridesmaid - so she's been keeping busy helping Soph with planning the reception and everything. Pippa's a hard worker but she has a bad habit of putting herself last.

The main reason why Almie wanted to come back to the camp was to give Pippa a chance to relax. He's been protective of Pippa since her hospitalization due to other people's carelessness regarding her health. So he wasn't too happy when Pippa admitted to him a couple days ago that she slipped up by missing her meds a couple times over the past few weeks. He said she'd tell him if something was wrong but seeing that she's been trying to keep on schedule for the most part, she should be okay.

While the past couple days were fun, it was clear that the cracks were starting to show. A combined mess of stress from personal life stuff, holidays, the gyroid event, and the upcoming wedding hit us all at once. My mind was elsewhere, worrying about getting stuff done - it can be draining.

Mariposa was the one who helped us refocus by sitting Pippa down and setting some hard truths for her. Almie was right to be concerned about Pippa overworking herself. I get that she's been feeling stuck in a rut so anything to break her out of that monotony is a welcome change. It's good to try to get back on track but you can't force it. From the way she was jumping up and down and climbing all over the place, you'd think we were being timed on finding gyroids.

Exhaustion has a way of wearing you down, physical and mental. If we had health bars hanging over our heads, Pippa's would be almost depleted. And if I'm being honest, mine's probably in the red zone too. Almie and Daisy Jane are likely in red too while Mariposa's probably in yellow. To be honest, I think everyone in the camp's either a red or yellow - it's just one of these days.

So Pippa overestimated herself and eventually reached a point where she couldn't just get back up and act like everything's fine. As in, she fell off a tree, landing hard on her back and was unable to move for a few seconds, scaring the hell out of everyone. Thankfully she doesn't have a concussion or broken bones but she'll be really sore and bruised tomorrow. By then I figured that we collected enough gyroids for the day so we headed back to the camp despite Pippa's protests.

Almie's usually a pretty chill guy so seeing him go off on Pippa was... let's just say I'm glad we all cleared out when they both started raising their voices. When things started getting out of hand, Mariposa decided to step in for a bit. What she said to Pippa had me thinking about accepting your limits.

Basically what Mariposa's saying is that we can't measure our worth by our productivity. If anyone knows how Pippa feels about stagnating due to circumstances out of control, it's Mariposa.

She got it through to Pippa that it's okay to fall short of expectations. I get that it's frustrating when you try to set goals for yourself, only to fail - but you just gotta accept that sometimes things don't work out and it's not your fault. I know that Pippa can be hard on herself, especially since this year has been turned upside down for her.

Mariposa also brought up a good point about the whole don't let your disabilities and illnesses stop you from being accomplished. It's one of those things that's supposed to be encouraging but does more harm than good. Because there will be days when your disabilities will stop you from achieving what you want. There will be times when you're forced to put your life on hold while the world is unsympathetic to your battles. You have to learn how to accept that it's okay to step back and accept that there are things beyond your capability - and that you shouldn't be shamed for that.

In other words, it's important to know your limits. Wise words from the witch in training, something we all need to be reminded of.

Once it seemed like Mariposa's words got through to Pippa, we stepped aside so the siblings can have a moment alone. To keep ourselves busy, I took Mariposa to the Marketplace to craft Toy Day stuff with Reese, Cyrus, and Jingle, which she had a blast doing. After making a bunch of toys we headed to the cabin and put together gift boxes.

It was nice getting to know Mariposa on a one on one basis during that time. Almie and Pippa weren't exaggerating with her wild, creative, and daring imagination. Who knew that there could be so many ways to wrap gift boxes? We got to talking about a lot of stuff, like how she's enjoying staying with Luna, Skully, and Owly, her magic training, Willow and Angie - she's only been in town for a short time and it feels like she's been part of the Rosevine gang since forever!

Also, she has met Emmaline and Minnie so she's definitely on the guest list. Actually she's coming as Luna's plus one since she met the couple after the list was finalized. Though knowing how Emmaline makes friends like bees to honey, Soph made extra sure to accommodate for a growing guest list - which I'm pretty sure has doubled since the invitations went out!

Once we finished with the gift boxes, we headed back to the campsite. Pippa and Almie finally worked things out and were back to their old, playful, bickering ways. They surprised us with desserts - Toy Day themed cookies and mochi! After having a busy couple days hunting gyroids, we decided to take it easy with a cozy bonfire dinner.

Nothing like freshly baked cookies and mulled cider to unwind after a stressful week!

[seth-storm]

On the Stage (Short Fic)

(Sorry, I am bad at writing songs. I did try though!)

Warnings: Sympathetic Deceit, Sympathetic Remus, Roses

Ships: N/A unless ya really squint in which case it’s my favorite ones

“Wrong, wrong, wrong!” Roman sighed, exasperated. He was trying to write a song, but he couldn’t find the words to describe what he was feeling. He strummed his guitar, the notes perfectly in tune but not quite right in his head.

The other sides didn’t know he wrote songs. It was for two reasons. One, he didn’t want to be mocked and ridiculed if they were bad. Two, some of them contained really personal ideas. They were all said in an abstract sense, but anyone who knew him would be able to easily figure it out. Right now, he was trying to write about how he put part of himself into every character he played on stage, even unwanted parts of himself, but no one noticed and they all came back to him at the end of each show. That was the best way he could explain it, but there was so much more than that. There was the joy of doing the show with his friends, the sadness of relating to a character so much and not being able to help them, the stress and absolute relief at the exact same time he got from merely standing in front of an audience, and the jealousy that came from realizing all these character’s problems ended when the show did. Logan always found his shows silly, Virgil normally worked tech and didn’t watch, and Patton was usually busy baking refreshments for afterwards. Deceit came occasionally, and for that Roman was grateful, but there was really only one person Roman wanted to come. Granted, he had come before and completely messed up the atmosphere with his bad humor, but Roman wanted him to really come. To sit and watch. To actually approve of him, for once. He could wish that, right?

He looked at the yellow and red flowers on his desk, knowing in a few weeks they would wilt and he’d throw them away. His last memory of this play. He’d liked this play, it was a fun and upbeat comedy with a subplot of romance... and murder. It was challenging, but his character had an overinflated ego, so it was easy for Roman to project onto him. And every night when he was stabbed in the back by his brother, leaving his true love waiting for backup that would never come and leading her (Roman was only straight when the script said he had to be) to her demise, Roman felt that. Roman empathized with the man who didn’t know his true love wanted to confess her feelings that night, the man who never knew love, the man whose own brother shunned him. It hit a little too close to home. But it was good to get it all out on stage, and as people like Thomas and his friends (and the rest of the town Roman brought into being through imagination) came to see it, Roman felt a bit more at peace. Now, those feelings had come back, and they were haunting him like the wilting yellow and red roses sitting on his desk by his long-memorized script.

“Hey, that’s not a bad idea.” Roman smiled, strumming a C chord. Ugh, no, not C major. That was too happy for a song like this. D minor would work for now.

Wilting roses on the desk I used,

To memorize my lines and cues,

They said “the show must go on!”

And then it ended

We all broke our legs

And then they mended

“Ugh!” Roman sighed, leaning back in his chair. Nothing he wrote sounded any good today! He wanted to write the rest of the song but he couldn’t! He strummed the guitar more passionately, pouring his feelings out into an improvised song.

Sometimes you put yourself up on that stage

When it’s supposed to be someone else, someone who is fake

Sometimes your acting is a desperate plea,

But those watching see the character, not me.

But those watching see the character, not me.

Deceit cocked his head, listening to the music that rang through the mind palace. It was quiet, and he was willing to bet none of the other sides were listening hard enough to hear it. “It’s happening again.” He said quietly, and Remus looked up. “Are you going to go tell him this time, or wait like you do every time?”

“I can’t just tell him, Snake,” Remus protested, “You know that. It’s more complicated than sticking an elephant’s trunk up my—“

“I get the picture,” Deciet sighed. “Don’t you realize by now your approval means the world to him? You’re his brother you know. No matter how many times he insists he hates you, he doesn’t. He just wants you to be there for him.”

“But I’m not,” Remus laughed bitterly. “I never have been. I’m a ‘dark side’, Deciet.”

Deceit sighed, looking at a picture hanging from the wall of a boy in a black jacket and black shirt smiling and standing beside a boy in yellow, a boy in green, and a boy in orange. “So was Virgil.”

Remus stopped, looking at the same picture Deceit had chosen to stare at. He knew the side missed Virgil. They all did. But Virgil was adamant that he had found a new life. A better life. Remus wanted to get close to Roman, he really did. But what if... what if he lost his yellow? What if he lost his orange? Would they be fine looking at the picture and seeing both the boy in black and the boy in green had left? They’d be alone, just the two of them. “I can’t leave you alone.”

Deceit smiled at Remus, tears (real tears, not crocodile tears) in his eyes. “You can’t leave him alone either, you know.”

The audience claps and I bow

The cheering for me so silently loud

I said my lines that’s why they care

I smile at air

While the one who matters most

Isn’t even there

Remus nodded, standing up and walking down the hallway, entering the light side’s part of the house. Virgil gave him a weird look, which he ignored and kept walking. Logan told him he shouldn’t be here, but he kept following the music. Patton tried to ask him what was wrong, but Remus was going to go make something right. This time he would. This time for sure.

Sometimes you put yourself up on that stage

When it’s supposed to be someone else, someone who is fake

Sometimes your acting is a desperate plea,

But those watching see the character, not me.

But those watching see the character, not me.

Roman, not caring who heard anymore, belted out the bridge with all his soul, making up the words to express his emotion as he went. He might have been crying, but he couldn’t tell. He was too caught up in the moment.

They see the man who is playing someone else

Who’s giving everything he has to get rid of himself

And maybe he wouldn’t give so much if he knew what he’d receive

A bundle of wilting flowers... no, there must be more for me

Remus—

Roman’s voice broke, but he kept on singing anyway.

You’re the only cheer I need.

Remus, on the other side of Roman’s door, paused with his hand on the handle at these words. What if he disappointed Roman? What if his approval wasn’t everything Roman thought it was going to be? He heard a new voice singing now, and it took him a moment to realize who it was. It was him. He had started singing. Had he gone absolutely insane?!

Sometimes you put yourself up on that stage.

And you want the world to see who you are and stop and be amazed.

But the part you play is meaningful to me.

When you get off that stage you’re the friend everyone needs.

You get off that stage,

And those watching see,

You’re the one person I wish I could really see

You’re the one whose roses mean the most to me.

Roman got up and went to the door, not believing what he had just heard. He opened the door slowly, hoping against hope Remus would be there.

Remus ran back down the hallway. He couldn’t tell him face to face. He couldn’t. Roman would hate him and be disappointed. He scoffed at himself. “I thought Virgil was anxiety,” he thought to himself as he sat down heavily on the dark sides’ couch.

“You chicken out again?” Deceit asked.

“Yah, but I still kind of told him.” Remus sighed. “I left a note. Butchered and heated to perfection pecking bird sounds good right now.”

“I’ll make chicken for dinner. In any case, I suppose that is better than last time, where you essentially ding dong ditched his door and blamed it on The Stiff(TM).”

Remus sighed, looking at the ceiling. “I guess... do you think I’m a disappointment to Roman?”

Deceit shook his head adamantly, sitting next to the troubled side. “No. Roman would be a fool to not realize he has an amazing brother. I know he says he doesn’t like you... but he also says he doesn’t like Virgil and look how that ended up.”

Remus sighed, leaning his head on Deceit’s shoulder. “Thanks, Snake. You’re the white line on my figurative road that stops me from playing the best game of bumper cars ever.”

Deceit smiled slightly. “I try.”

To Roman’s chagrin, Remus wasn’t there. He tried not to be disappointed as he saw the empty hallway and Virgil’s closed door right across the hall. Well, after fantasizing Remus had come to bond with him, he decided he could use some comfort. He needed a good cry, and Virgil was a great person to have a good cry with. He stepped forward, expecting carpet beneath his bare feet. Instead, he felt the crumple of a paper on the floor. Roman picked it up and read it, a massive smile breaking out on his face as the good cry came prematurely. In the best possible way. On that note were the words Roman had always wanted to hear, scrawled in the exact same messy handwriting Roman had.

I’m proud of you, big bro.

Tags for short fics (you can always request to be on either TLS or this list! (Also if somehow you got either list off tell me because I lost the list on my old phone and I’m using the ones on previous posts.)):

@stop-it-anxiety @idunnosong @ms-top-hat @sapphirebluluvsu @littlewolf432 @winterrs-child @anxiousvirgil13 @remusownsmyuwus @emmillie @nutmegandgingersnaps

[spideycentral]

UNILAD: Do you think Peter has grown up during this movie?

Tom Holland: I don’t necessarily think he’s grown up that much, we’re seeing a very similar Peter Parker to the same, sort of version we saw in Homecoming. I really enjoyed in [Homecoming] the aspect of seeing a kid with superpowers and I really wanted that to come across again so while yes there are minor things where you’ll see him look older and more grown up, which I don’t really want to talk about just yet, but you’ll see it, he’s still very much a 16-year-old kid.

UNILAD: What’s surprised you about the sequel?

Tom Holland: The fact that we get to shoot it in London! It’s a nice surprise. The first one was called Spider-Man: Homecoming and they shot it thousands of miles away, this one’s called Spider-Man: Far From Home and I’m 40 minutes from my home.

So that’s been quite nice. I’m actually not staying at my home-home, cos it’s still a bit of a drive to set. The script is huge, huge, massive scale movie and it’s always a pleasure… It’s always nice to know you’re a part of something so awesome, but obviously, the surprise is what the audience wants to see in the cinema.

UNILAD: How do you feel about doing all of your own stunts?

Tom Holland: I don’t do everything, there are some things that I just can’t do and I am very happy for my double to do it if he can do it better. If there’s a version of a stunt where it just looks better with him doing it then he should do it for the sake of the movie.

But sometimes there are things where we can just rehearse it and work really hard. There was one (stunt) that we did today that was way, way more impressive than that (boat jump stunt), we were just able to rehearse it for weeks and weeks before we actually did it meaning that I was able to do it… I love doing my own stunts, it comes with a nice adrenaline rush, um, and if it can make the film better then I’m all for it.

UNILAD: Is there anything about this movie that you’re really excited for fans to see?

Tom Holland: I mean, the action is bigger than the first one for sure. But the film… I’m still getting my head around what I’m allowed to say and what I’m not allowed to say.

But no, it’s definitely bigger than the first one, it’s bigger than the first one and I guess the action from the first one, Peter Parker and Spider-Man were able to keep it quite contained and I don’t feel like it was a worldwide event.

This one happening in the places that it’s happening he’s unable to keep these events a secret and it’s far more globally, sort of known that this is going on, um, so the spotlight really is on Spider-Man whereas in the first one I felt like he was sort of able to go under the radar a little bit which was quite nice.

This one, all the pressure’s on.

UNILAD: Can you talk about the dynamics of Peter working with Nick Fury and also working with Samuel L. Jackson?

Tom Holland: Working with Sam is great, it’s really, really fun and I’ve been such a big fan of his not just since the beginning of the MCU but from very early on in my life.

But yeah, it’s an interesting character to see on screen with Peter Parker cos obviously Peter is so funny and so happy to be around, Nick Fury is so scary – kind of like Robert Downey Jr, just without the sass! So yeah, it’s been a fun ride so far!

UNILAD: For Homecoming you mentioned the bane of your life was the harness, have you finally got rid of the harnesses?

Tom Holland: No! Not at all. I was in the harness all day today, well, most of the day and it’s one of those things you just have to get on with. There’s no, it’s either like you do it and you’re not safe, or you wear a harness and then you’re safe so it’s kind of a price you have to pay.

It hurts your legs but it’s fine, it’s fine! And George and his stunt team are so good at looking after me and making sure I’m as comfortable as I can be in uncomfortable situations so it’s been awesome so far and we’ve got some really, really cool stuff coming up which we’re still rehearsing at the moment.

UNILAD: Can you talk a little bit about the relationship with MJ?

Tom Holland: Yeah, that’s a really cool one, it’s a really exciting one. We get to see in more detail a relationship blossom than we did in the first one with Peter and Liz, it’s been fun, it’s been really fun and MJ’s character is the same as she was in Homecoming, but we’re just exploring it more and I think audiences will really connect with her and I think the way that Zendaya is playing the role will draw you in, the number of people who can relate to her character.

UNILAD: What’s it like working with someone like Jake Gyllenhaal? You seem to be surrounded by veteran actors all the time.

Tom Holland: I’m very lucky with the people I get to work with, I have these meeting with my agents every year. We sit down and we go through a list of actors I’d like to work with and a list of directors I’d like to work with and Jake’s always been on the list – so the fact that we get to do it in this circumstance is so fantastic and he, he’s amazing!

Every actor I’ve ever worked with has like a switch. When they say ‘action’ you can tell that now they’re acting but Jake doesn’t have that. He’s seamless between his characters. Sometimes it’s quite disconcerting like ‘oh he’s just talking to me he’s not doing a scene right now’ and then you’re like ‘oh shit he is doing a scene’ – so it’s been a real pleasure to work with him, I’ve definitely learned a lot.

UNILAD: Do you ever feel like you need to up your game when you’re working with someone like that?

Tom Holland: Well you find that with acting it’s similar to playing tennis. If you play tennis against someone who’s really good you sort of rise up, not to their standard obviously, but you try your best to play better and it’s a similar sort of thing with acting and you’re working with someone who’s that good, it makes you think more about minor details that you’ve made for the character and stuff, you try and piece things together so it’s been a really great privilege so far.

UNILAD: How was it wearing the ‘Stealth Suit’?

Tom Holland: It’s great because I can go to the toilet in that one! It’s really great, I can take my mask off, I can go to the bathroom and it looks so badass, it’s really, really cool.

It’s a really cool one cos it’s such a different avenue to take for the character Spider-Man, you know he wears red and blue and that’s kind of it in the films and for us to take him down this different path, it’s definitely really cool and something the audience will be very, very excited about.

UNILAD: What’s your favourite scene up to now?

Tom Holland: Uh, we shot this very funny scene between Jacob, Zendaya and I – it’s all one shot and it is sort of mid-way through the film and it’s very stressful and it’s just really funny. I can’t tell you anything about the scene because it’s kind of a spoiler, but Jacob is just so funny!

He’s just so funny and I remember Zendaya and I off-camera with Jacob’s close up and we just – we may as well not have been there because we were laughing so much – I just turned around and walked away and was like ‘I’m sorry Jacob you’re just making me laugh so much!’ So yeah, that was my favourite scene to shoot.

UNILAD: Is there a lot of improvisation with that group dynamic?

Tom Holland: Yeah and that’s why Jon is such a great director to work for because he allows you to do a 20-minute take of absolute nonsense but that 30 seconds at the end which is actually really gold is what we use.

So he really does create an environment in where his actors can make mistakes creatively which sometimes directors don’t do and it’s nice that on a film of this scale he’s not afraid to sort of go ‘no no no let’s just do it twenty times and see if we can get it right’. It’s cool!

UNILAD: How’s it been contending with a different kind of villain this time?

Tom Holland: Yeah, it’s interesting! Because when Jon first pitched for the idea I was like ‘Wow! Fighting big Elemental monsters, that’s a big jump from The Vulture’.  But it is when you see visually the effects and what they’re planning to do with these monsters it really is quite a breathtaking feat.

I think even Peter Parker has the same thought as what I had when I found out these monsters. He really doesn’t understand what’s going on and it’s not until later that he’s hanging out with Nick Fury and Maria Hill and then Mysterio how they sort of team together to piece together this crazy thing that’s going on. So yeah, it’s definitely an exciting version of a villain.

[bangledeverafter]

The Modern-day Trend of Stoning

“Let him who is without sin among you be the first to throw a stone at her.”

             I have come across a trend during this stressful time of pandemic and I’m not talking about TikTok. TikTok has been around long before it became the mainstream app it is today. Maybe you’ve experienced this trend but just haven’t put a name on it yet. The trend I was referring to is Stoning.

 I’d like to quote lyrics from one of Taylor Swift’s songs, Ours:

 “Seems like there's always someone who disapproves, They'll judge it like they know about me and you, And the verdict comes from those with nothing else to do...”

I promise, I have a point.

            Do you know the story of a woman who was caught in the act of adultery? Her story is found in chapter 8 of the book of John in the Bible. To test Jesus, the religious leaders at that time brought the woman to Jesus. They asked him what to do with the woman when the Law of Moses said to stone such sinner. (He didn’t answer right away. Instead, this is where the famous writing on the ground by Jesus happened.) Not hearing a word from Jesus yet, they continued asking him about what ought to be done to the adulterous woman. Jesus stood up, told those leaders one of the most mic dropping sentences in the gospels, “Let him who is without sin among you be the first to throw a stone at her,” and then went on writing again. Surprisingly, one by one they went away, starting from the oldest, until only the woman was left with Jesus. No one was able to condemn the woman at that time. Jesus said to the woman that he neither condemns her.

            Those religious leaders threw stones (at the person committing certain/particular offense) as their tangible expression of judgement, but people nowadays have improvised this traditional stoning into a virtual, digital thing. People don’t literally throw rocks, but they do throw sarcastic, insulting, and angry posts/tweets as hard and harsh as stones—as an expression of judgement against one another. Seems like there are always some who disapprove, who judge like they know everything, and from whom insufficiently grounded verdict come.

What I don’t mean

 “Maybe you have not considered that those people we angrily post about were caught doing something wrong, and it’s only right that we call them out for it.”

 I see. But I also want to be clear that I did not in any way deny people’s wrong doings. A wrong doing is a wrong doing and we must expose these people for it. The woman was wrong for committing adultery, but Jesus did not deny her sin or rebuked the people for exposing her sin. He forgave her sin. And what Jesus really confronted head-on at that time was the hypocritical judgement of those people.

 “So do you want us to stay silent about the bad things that are happening around?”

No, I don’t. I think it is only right and brave to stand up both for yourself and for others. But surely there is wisdom in knowing the proper way to say the proper things at a proper time with a proper end or motive.

 Just don’t do it.

             Even before I write this down, I also have been guilty of today’s stoning: hypocritically judging and angrily lashing out at some people—both in person and in my social media accounts. But I am trying not to do that anymore... because ultimately, it didn’t help me. In all my judgments and rants I was not able to help anyone either. If there’s any discouragement I think I am willing to share to you, it is to get you away from the flow of that stoning trend. Just step away from it. As tempting as it is to throw shade on others, don’t.

 Now I talk to two types of people:

       If you’re a follower of Christ, as I am, I hope you know that we are called to:

 let our words be fitting, good for building up, and not be corrupting that it may give grace to those who hear (Ephesians 4:29). 

 be an example to other believers, in speech, in conduct, in love, in faith, in purity. (1 Timothy 4:12)

 pray, intercede, submit to, and even give thanks for all people, about our leaders and all who are in high positions, that we may lead a peaceful and quiet life, dignified in every way. This is good, and it is pleasing in the sight of God our Savior… (1 Timothy 2:1-3)

 pursue love... If we speak in tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, we are only being noisy gongs or clanging cymbals. (1 Cor. 14:1,13:1)

 love not in word or talk but in deed and in truth. (1 John 3:18)

             There are so many more verses relating to this lesson... but God’s will is clear - It’s not to participate in that kind of stoning. Don’t do it.

        If you aren’t a follower of Christ, I hope to let you know that you are also called to:

 a loving relationship with Jesus, who saved both you and me from our sins. Will you think of this for a moment, although this might sound a bit off the border to you:

 Will you die in place of a good person? Maybe, right?

 But will you die in place of your enemy, who has done nothing but bad to you?

 Or in our context today, will you die in place of the corrupt and irresponsible people who should be punished for their incompetence? Do you now remember so many people?

 N to the O, right? Why would you?

             Because rarely will someone die for a righteous person, though for a good person someone might possibly dare to die. But friend, God demonstrates his own love for us in that while we were still sinners, while we were still his enemies, Christ died for us.

            His salvation is a free gift for you to accept also. You and I can never pay enough for it, we can never earn it. He saved us before we can even do anything for him. It is only by his grace, now for you to receive. Will you receive Jesus in your heart? I pray that you will. The truth is, Jesus is the only one who can really help us change—not just ourselves and our words, but also the world and all that’s happening around us.

            To make the most of this opportunity, I write in the hopes of protecting you also from the bitter fruit of this modern day stoning… because even when you can raise awareness or gain sympathy by likes and retweets, or even when you can actually change things (as fulfilling as that looks), that will only be very temporary. But the bitter consequences of the power of your words of stone in your life, visible and invisible? Eternal. I urge you, don’t do it.

            I really think that the reason those religious leaders at that time weren’t able to stone the woman to death is that they know in their hearts they were just as guilty of sin as she was. Today, in whatever part of society we might belong, we are just as guilty of sin to stone another sinner. The good news is, there is a sure hope in leaving the judgement of the heart to God - only he has the right, because only he is righteous.

            Thank you for bearing a little with this lengthy writing. But I hope it encouraged you as much as I hope it discouraged you from being potentially swayed into such a terrible trend and from going with the flow in case you find yourself wandering in it already. God bless you.

[lili-typos]

Josh Appreciation Week - Day 3: Sadness

Androids do feel pain

“I can’t move my legs...”

“Okay, don’t worry! We’re gonna get you back…”

“They’re coming, Markus. We have to jump, now!”

“He won’t be able to make the jump…If they find him, they’ll access his memory...They’ll know everything…”

“Josh”

The PJ500 came back to reality when finding North in front of him. He had been sitting on the first floor of Jericho next to the improvised infirmary where Lucy worked, lost in his thoughts.

“Yes?”

Josh tried to sound as always but he was unable to mask his worry and discontent. He hadn't been able to focus the whole day either, his thoughts coming back over and over again to what had happened in the Stratford Tower, coming back to the instant in which they decided to leave Simon behind.

“Markus wants to see us in the control room in 10 minutes”

Without waiting for his answer North turned around and began to walk towards the stairs leading to the second floor. With a final sigh Josh stood up and followed the female deviant’s steps.

With the exception of the androids being treated in the infirmary there weren’t many people around Jericho. After all it was 1.40 a.m. and although androids didn’t need to sleep most part of them had adopted that habit as humans did. So yes, everything was pretty calm.

Which contrasted with the way Josh was feeling inside.

Forcing himself to push away the multiple negative outcomes that never stopped coming to his mind, Josh entered the control room. North was already inside, sitting on a chair with her arms crossed and her jaw tense while observing the news playing on the TV inside the room, so Josh sat in another chair in silence, his elbows on his knees and his hands hanging between his parted legs.

A rather tense and uncomfortable silence fell, but it was broken soon by North clicking her tongue loudly.

“Come on, say it”

Josh looked at North and frowned.

“What?”

North snorted.

“I’m not dumb, Josh. I know you blame me for what happened to Simon”

Josh tensed in his seat.

“I don’t”, his firm tone surprised him, “that security guard was the one who shot Simon, not you”

“Then why are you avoiding looking at me since yesterday?”

Josh was about to do exactly that so he stopped midway to look at North in the eyes.

“Because I do blame you for suggesting killing him”

“I didn’t…!”, Josh’s accusing eyes made North rectify what she was going to say, “look, it was the most logical option to take in order to assure our people’s safety!”

“Simon is part of our people, what about his safety?”

“He knew where he was gotten himself into when going to the mission. The same as us. He knew there would be risks!”

“Yes, but one thing is to be killed in a mission and a very different one that one of your closest friend decides to put an end to your life”

North exhaled a frustrated sigh, rolling her eyes.

“I don’t know why I bother to try to reason with you, the fucking Ultimate Pacifist”

Josh sighed with patience, but just when he was going to reply North the news anchor announced that they had some breaking news about what had happened in the Stratford Tower, so both Josh and North straightened up on the chair, paying attention.

It seemed that a journalist had managed to sneak during the investigation and had taken some unprecedent footage while the police was investigating on the roof. The new images just lasted around 10 seconds though, before a rather old lieutenant with long gray hair suddenly appeared in front of the camera saying an angry: ‘Get the fuck out of here, you asshole. There’s nothing to see’.

But, at least for Josh, there was something to see.

Or better said, someone.

Because even if the footage was short, it was just enough for Josh to catch a partial glimpse of Simon’s body lying on the ground.

During the following seconds none Josh or North said anything, but Josh detected his LED reaching read and his stress levels reaching a peak almost as high as when he became a deviant.

Because he couldn’t keep denying it anymore.

He had tried.

He had really tried to deny what his mind and heart were telling him because he wasn’t ready to assume it.

But he couldn’t. Not anymore.

He couldn’t deny that Simon, his best friend, one of the people dearest to him, was dead.

And probably the fact that Josh had been aware of such a revelation since the start was one of the reasons why North and him could act almost normally when the news changed again and the anchor mentioned their broadcast, being the other most probable reason that they were still in shock without even knowing it.

“Our broadcast is all over the news”, Josh was speaking in automatic mode, without actually paying attention to what he was saying, “now humans know…”

“It was a mistake to reach out to them”, North interrupted him, her voice firm but her eyes absent, “they’ll never negotiate with their slaves. We should have shown them that we’re prepared to fight”

“Violence is never the answer. Dialogue is the only way, I’m sure the humans will listen to us”

It wasn’t the first time that he used similar words with North, but this time even he had problems to believe them.

He stood up and began to walk around, suddenly needed to keep being active, to keep moving to forget that...

“Simon paid with his life…”

Josh didn’t see it, but North actually gulped before talking again.

“Simon gave his life for our cause”

Josh stared at North and, without even noticing, sarcasm slipped in his tone.

“What difference does that make?”

“He is a hero!”, North answered way too quickly and defensively, as if she was trying to convince herself too, “He died for the revolution - and he won’t be the last!”

“I don’t want a revolution that spills blood!”, Josh almost shouted, his LED blinking even faster in red when remembering how Simon’s body looked in the TV.

“Then live as a slave!”, North rudely stood up, her eyes brighter like Josh’s ones, “Because if you are not willing to fight for your freedom, maybe you don’t deserve it!”

Josh’s hands turned into fists and he found himself taking a step towards North.

“North, don’t you dare-”

“THAT’S ENOUGH!”

At that moment Markus entered the room, and for the expression he was hearing Josh deduced he already knew what Simon’s fate had been.

“And now...what are we gonna do?”

Josh didn’t know what Markus wanted to do, or what North wanted to do. What Josh knew was that he had to leave the control room right then, and that’s what he did.

He heard Markus calling his name with a hint of worry, but for the first time Josh pretended not to hear the leader.

Josh didn’t stop walking until being in one of the cabins of the third floor that worked as a storage.

And then, once inside, Josh took a long deep breath.

And then another one, trying to calm down.

And then…

...he broke down.

Because he was the one who said that Simon couldn’t do the jump.

He was the one who didn’t have faith in Simon, believing he couldn't do it.

And finally, he was the one who eventually agreed of leaving Simon behind, sealing his destiny in that Tower.

Falling on his knees Josh leaned his forehead on the ground and gritted his teeth. He shutted his eyes closed and tried that his sobs weren’t too loud so the deviants sleeping inside the other cabins were not awaken, conforming himself with rhythmically hitting the ground next to his head with his fisted hand.

Definitely, the clever humans that said that androids didn’t feel pain couldn’t be more fucking mistaken.

[momestuck]

Let’s read Hiveswap Friendsim... volume 8!

Welcome back, apologies it’s been a good couple of weeks since the last one of these. Last time, we had a fun entertaining art heist and a fun horrifically traumatising mass murder! What are we in for next?

This episode is called Of Stresses, Song and Otherwise. Our trolls today are...

Tyzias and Chixie. Tyzias looks like a programmer (though so far ‘computer nerd’ stereotypes tend to be yellow bloods, not teal), while Chixie... not sure what her deal’s gonna be! (Watch as I get everything wrong again.) Not sure if Tyzias’s horns are naturally like that or if they’ve been cut.

Tyzias

Tyzias is written by Lalo Hunt, who has previously written Tagora - clearly someone with a thing for teals!

Tyzias’s theme kicks in almost immediately. As now seems to be standard for tealbloods, we have harpsichords.

Our narrator is starting to get the slightest hint of like... restraint about the ‘MUST BEFRIEND EVERYONE THAT MOVES’ attitude. They actually don’t immediately go for like... jumping on Tyzias and trying to forcibly befriend her, but walk past... unfortunately she falls over. Impressively, she keeps her coffee cup level despite tripping over a rock.

Her typing quirk seems to be using lowercase letters, and repeating all uses of ‘w’ and ‘m’ four times. OK...

The narrator convinces themselves that this is the prelude to some kind of teen romance where they’re the cool person who helps the fallen nerd. Uh huh. Our extremely cool protagonist.

So we start helping her out and find she’s a lawyer. That’s like... every tealblood we’ve met now? Canon said they were also civil servants but OK, I guess everyone just loves Terezi. (To be fair, I also love Terezi.)

We get our first choice, prompted by the realisation that she’s a lawyer:

Tradition dictates that one of these is an instant-death option. I can’t help but expect that the ‘obvious’ choice, picking up more papers, will be the one that fucks us over.

...maybe not. We carry on going, and find out our dear friend Tagora has been talking about us, and he may be in a ‘group project’ with Tyzias here...

We spend some more time trying to get her papers together, against the best efforts of the wind. The narration emphasises just how tired Tyzias looks - quite the contrast from Tagora.

In fact, that carries us all the way up to the second choice. We can either suggest a breather, or trying to sort it somewhere else.

Let’s take a breather.

Insufflation sacks! Guessing that’s a narrator improvisation rather than actual Troll terms.

We take her to a ruined tower, which the narrator has apparently been spending time in when they’re not busily befriending every troll who survives long enough to get a portrait. This merits a new background.

She’s not hugely impressed by the idea of urbex (unrelatable tbh, if an alien appeared and wanted to take me to do urbex i would be there in a heartbeat), but the narrator actually shows some backbone and encourages her to climb up anyway. (I guess our broken ribs have healed some by now? I can’t honestly remember if we’ve fixed them all in this particular series of branches...)

Tyzias explains to us a bit about the political order on Alternia - that the Condesce rules, and this used to be a watchtower before she got higher-tech drones and so on. She doesn’t seem entirely happy about ‘her imperial bitchiness’...

We reminder that she’s teal, which uh... gee, narrator.

Looks like we’ve found an Actual Decent Person troll! Wow.

She’s particularly fed up with her whole role in the system, which she describes as the work to maintain suffering - because everyone is guilty, no matter what, and trials are just a formality.

Depressed, exhausted, horrified by her society... this troll is pretty relatable after all actually.

We ask about political parties (lol, good luck) and rebellious movements. She fills us in a bit on what we know to be the Signless/Sufferer’s rebellious movement, and the subsequent rebellion by the Summoner (which someone might have written up an infographic about for you... pssst).

Tyzias keeps going in a spirit of ‘ah, fuck it’. And gets more confident as she does...

Sounds like she’s got some kind of radical law project in mind. To me, the idea of changing the system within is like... kinda obviously never gonna achieve the substantial change needed, but I can totally respect it as a harm reduction measure.

this screenshot is going on my main

We get to telling her a bit about Earth. The protagonist tries to, well...

That’s a way to put it lol.

How romantic!

Damn, this episode’s a bit real lol

As a final kicker we learn that what she’s been drinking out of her mug is... just water. She’s putting on an act to give people a reason why she seems so depressed and tired all the time.

And with that, she takes a nap, and we get another friend.

D’aww.

Unfortunately, we lucked onto the best outcome on our first playthrough, so that means it’s all downhill from here. Which is a shame because I care about this troll.

First, for our instant death option, let’s stand around paralysed by the image of a gavel instead of helping with her papers. So rather than the bait-and-switch I was expecting, this plays out in the way most people would expect: she tells you to stop trying to ‘help’.

I thought it was a picture of a gavel, not an actual gavel! But OK. [treacheryofimages.jpg]

Now let’s try the other option: helping her organise her papers someplace else instead of trying to give her a break.

Unfortunately, in the process of sorting her papers, we lose one. I’m sure that’s not a Chekhov’s gun or anything.

This is a Very Good typing quirk.

The bookhive (library) turns out to have, what else, hexagonal shelves.

That’s cute but damn, not gonna be efficient...

This narration turns out to be read out loud. ‘wwwwowwww, harsh’ says Tyzias, but says that’s basically true. (I would motion that nearly every caste in Homestuck, at least going by the characters we meet, is a nerd caste...)

Tyzias mentions a few. Interestingly she says ‘goldbloods’ rather than ‘yellowbloods’.

We learn a bit about her legislacerator training project.

The narrator doesn’t want to hear this, but I’m kind of amused by the ideas of ‘scrolls of evisceration’. On Alternia, they know all to well that the ‘law’ is just a way of describing the ostensible legitimising limits to violence.

Tyzias mentions the difficulty of finding scrolls that haven’t ‘been scrubbed nice and fuchsia’. Which suggests that the Condesce, or another fuchsia-blood has been fiddling with the law?

The narration draws attention to some of the recurring tropes. But to be fair, we’ve only actually had to fight a highblood one time.

But no, it’s time for more interactions between our friends! Hooray!

Are we still wearing his bathrobe?

The guy seems to know a bit about what Tyzias is up to. Uh-oh.

I’m so glad our friends get along so well!

Anyway after Tagora pisses off, we get back to working. And that’s when the missing page comes up.

Figures. We’re in the shit.

Inexplicable product placement. This, of course, leads to a pun: ‘goregle docs’. But of course, that is monitored by the Condesce.

It’s actually quit easy to get onto at least some parts of the darkweb. There’s pages on the normal web which list the .onion addresses of various TOR hidden services. It’s pretty fascinating to have a look around at what’s up for sale for the kind of nerd who actually owns a bitcoin wallet.

Anyway, losing the page scuppers our friendship. She goes to retrace her steps - without us.

Anyway that was neat. Total shock: Bryn finds the exhausted, depressed nerd with radical politics relatable?

Chixie

Chixie’s route is by the ever-prolific Aysha U. Farah.

So what’s the premise for Chixie? Well, it seems to be fashion.

I guess we are still in a bathrobe after all. Also... I would quite like to see the protagonist in one of Elwurd’s jackets. They’d look ridiculous, but it would be cute.

Anyway, we could always go back to our highly fashionable friend Cirava, but I guess our protagonist has other plans.

We seem to have found the ‘Alternian nightlife’. The protagonist briefly speculates whether it should be ‘daylife’ instead, but seemingly not. We pop round the back of a club, which merits a different take on the whole ‘back alley and dumpster’ setting!

Chixie shows up, standing outside a door. The protagonist contemplates a disguise, and we get a joke about cosplayers...

It seems like she’s maybe trying to convince the people behind the door she’s propped open to let her perform. We have the choice of grabbing the door or standing there like an asshole. Let’s grab the door, since that seems like the obvious option. Of course, you never know with this game if the ‘obvious’ choice will cause you to fuck up and accidentally murder someone.

We are still wearing Tagora’s bathrobe. Haha.

So we let her in, and she says thank you... and goes inside, locking us out. Welp. Guess this was the instant death option lol.

So now let’s try the ‘stand there like an asshole’ option.

Her typing quirk is all-lower-case, and separating lines with slashes, much as you’d represent lines of a song. The narration describes her voice as musical.

It seems she is, in fact, a performer of some renown. She presumes we know who she is.

While we might be experts in moisturewave, whatever her genre is... not so much.

Speaking of moisturewave, Cirava gets a shout-out.

She uses ‘they’ pronouns for the protagonist, which is nice. Anyway, she takes us to visit her dressing room, and orders us to put on some actual clothes while she deals with harassment from someone who threw all her stuff out of the dressing room. Well, the ablutionrobe was nice while it lasted.

We end up wearing a dress.

This might be a kind of ‘fuck you’ to the earlier narration which seemed to implicitly mark the protagonist as male. Or maybe that’s just wishful thinking. Anyway I’m all in favour of wearing a dress for the rest of friendsim.

So does the protag! Nice :)

Anyway, we learn what’s up with Chixie. She’s been kicked off the programme because a band with a purpleblood drummer showed up at the last minute. Well, that’s bad enough, but oh god guess who shows up next...

I literally shuddered.

Please can this be the arc where we absolutely beat the shit out of Zebruh? Please Aysha, I’m begging you.

The narrator determines that Zebruh is ‘not the kind of friend they want to hang out with’. Which is putting it mildly.

Zebruh, incidentally, has not changed one bit.

We get to our second choice.

Honestly anyone’s guess which arc is gonna be the positive ending here. But let’s try exploiting our connections, as utterly odious as they may be.

That was absolutely a mistake, lol.

He goes off to go and put her back on the programme. She’s like... for fuck’s sake, protagonist.

Anyway, what Zebruh does in response to our mentioning her missed performance is... literally buy the club out from under the owner, who’s ‘just’ a teal, and makes Chixie the headliner.

Of course, this is obviously him just trying to get sexual favours of some kind from someone who can’t say no. Like so obvious it probably doesn’t even need to be said.

There we go. Can we please put this fucker through the mirror or something.

Chixie knows exactly what this is and she’s understandably not pleased. We’re gone.

Yeah that’s like... pretty fucking deserved.

Now let’s try the route where we like... don’t do that horrific shit we just did. Hey, finishing on a happy ending... hopefully.

Please leave, Zebruh.

She seems to like... actually like us, which we haven’t really done anything to merit, but here we go. She even invites us to follow her chittr.

She admits we doesn’t know we aren’t creepy, and we assure her we’re less creepy than Zebruh, which like... low fucking bar!

Anyway, the band that scooped her comes on stage. The narrator muses on whether trolls are forced to dress in their blood colour by law or tradition.

Wow, that is cruel.

She sings along...

Apparently like... all troll lyrics are black metal lyrics?

We get a second branch! How extravagant.

So, because I’m curious, let’s try ‘you should do something!’ I see this going badly, but let’s give it a shot.

She goes and puts on a phantom of the opera mask, and grabs a mic - which I guess is wired in and has its levels turned up? I don’t know...

That is a raw look though.

Time to interrupt their set. I am hype to see this, even though we’ll probably end up getting culled.

And she starts a friggin... rap battle?

It’s a rap battle that’s also a limerick! Yeah. That’s something.

Anyway, Chixie does... very well at the whole rap battle thing. (Only the first five lines are a limerick). Makes me wish there was voice acting, if only for this bit!

I strongly suspect this is mostly a parody of like, existing rap songs, which I’m too culturally ignorant to see. All the same, the scene is well written and satisfying.

We escape outside, and Chixie freaks out a bit. And then gets simultaneously relieved and disappointed that she can’t be identified because of the mask. But, since she hasn’t changed clothes, someone catches her... and praises her performance.

Ooh, diamonds huh?

So that was in fact the good outcome. Which means after that epic rap battle, we now have to see the branch where we go to a bar and get miserable. Yep.

Of course, on Alternia, we don’t have alcohol... but Faygo.

And it actually makes her drunk!

She speaks on matters of fame...

And of course, this is mediated by blood colour. Lowbloods must be hypervigilant, while highbloods will get praise regardless.

Again, the metaphor layer is paper thin here.

Come to think of it, nobody does seem to have a job in Alternia. It’s like... fully automated luxury imperialism.

Anyway Chixie passes out on the pile of clothes and we get a... well actually it’s given a ‘victory...?’ label, but it’s clearly less victory than the awesome rap battle.

So yeah. That’s an outcome.

And there we go! That’s the end of the episode. I have a... perhaps unfair feeling that like... if Hussie was writing, this wouldn’t be nearly so on the nose about like, oppression. But who knows.

Fun episode I think. This game’s grown on me a lot now we’ve gotten used to the format. Or is it just that if you spend enough time with a massive sprawling multimedia webcomic, you get a little obsessed with it, even if it’s not actually... good?

[algaecoma]

This started as me thinking about what I loved most about Emori and turned into Clarke shaming, Bellamy justification and Murphy appreciation, so ...

I love how the other characters love Emori’s shamelessness. How they’ve all done things that make them ashamed and how she’s there refusing to let anyone else judge her. (My thoughts on why I think Jasper and Emori would have been great friends is a subject for another time.) Spacekru needed a serious dose of self-love and allowing them to accept their shame.

Clarke does not, quite the opposite, or at least to stop feeling shame about being ashamed of herself. Which honestly I think is one of the major factors in Bellamy’s self-improvement kick. He’s letting himself feel guilty about the bad things he’s done, similar to how Murphy started doing that after Raven in the dropship in season two. Clarke stopped letting herself feel guilt, because she didn’t have anyone who knew enough to tell her ‘yeah, you’re Wanheda, but we kinda love you anyway.’

Bellamy has always forgiven Clarke too easily and honestly, Clarke has always forgiven Bellamy too easily. I very much hope it’s Raven who gets to do the ‘you messed up, we’re super pissed, but like, you’re still family’ speech.

Then again, I think Murphy would be the one Clarke would most want to.

The stories she told, Madi found that her favourite was Octavia and I think that’s because Clarke was framing Octavia as both of them. Obviously Madi was Octavia, that parallel was painfully clear, but I think Clarke is too.

She’s been protected by others her whole life, sheltered from consequences, only now there isn’t anyone to protect her and she gets reckless. What Clarke needed was a Lincoln, someone who wouldn’t protect her from other people, but would protect other people from her. Not an Indra, who wouldn’t protect her or others, but would teach her to protect herself, Clarke’s problem has never been not knowing how to protect herself.

Instead of that, Clarke got another Octavia. One who also knew how to protect herself from others and Clarke got focused on making sure Madi knew to protect others, because that was what *Clarke* was missing in that timeskip.

Madi’s recklessness comes in the service of other people. Clarke’s season 5 recklessness comes in the service of Madi. (Her earlier recklessness has always been in the service of as many as possible.)

Bellamy is reckless too, but it’s controlled. His difference is that what he was lacking was self preservation and the ability to protect others from himself. With none of the others in Spacekru needing him to protect them from an external threat, he found himself well outside his comfort zone. Bellamy still has next to no self preservation, but he’s been learning from people who people need protecting from.

None of Spacekru are willing to hurt each other, so they turn that dangerousness inwards. Bellamy has six case studies to see what works and what doesn’t. He’s something of a chameleon

Harper turns her guilt at surviving into a desire to see Spacekru survive, that works, so Bellamy turns his guilt at killing into a desire to see Spacekru survive. Monty turns his guilt over not saving Jasper into a desire to look after Spacekru, that works, so Bellamy turns his guilt at not saving Clarke into a desire to see Spacekru survive. Raven throws herself into her work, that doesn’t work, so Bellamy takes time to rest. Emori throws herself into learning a new skill, that works, so Bellamy does the same.

And then, because he’s all about protecting others over himself, he tries to do something about those it hasn’t worked for. The ones isolating themselves.

He allows Raven to work, because she’s essential to getting them back to the Ground, in a sense he sees her productivity as healthier than Murphy’s laziness. Neither are great, mental health wise. Besides, Raven isn’t isolating herself, she’s got Emori, she’s just not resting. Bellamy does a bit, makes her sleep and eat and do other stuff and Raven listens to him and everyone else follows his example, so she’s kind of good, frustrated by the impossible problem, but managing. It keeps her busy, not having anything to do would leave her in the same state as Murphy.

So, Echo is throwing herself into her fight training. Maintaining a skill that won’t be useful for five years and maybe not even then. Bellamy looks at that and goes ‘uh, no, not healthy’ and joins her. Offers to show her how to use a gun, she offers to teach him how to use a sword, they wrestle a lot ... Bellamy makes sure to include her and eventually one of the others (I suspect Harper was the first, not having a specific purpose/role) comes and joins their training sessions and she’s got some tips on fighting a stronger opponent and would like to see how they do with thrown projectiles and Echo brings out a bow and Bellamy gets hold of a baton. The others join them for their own reasons, that’s a genuine success and Bellamy just forgets about Murphy for a while?

Especially once he and Echo start sleeping together because they’re stressed, they’re hot, they’re surrounded by couples, they’re in close physical proximity, they’re wrestling, they’re pretty evenly matched, Raven doesn’t make a move for either of them, they genuinely enjoy each others company outside of just physical attraction, they appreciate what the other has done for them and for Spacekru, they need to know they can be forgiven - there’s a million reasons they got together and they both have the fear that it’s temporary, that the moment they get back to the Ground it’ll turn out the other was just with them because it was convenient. That fear has very much not turned out to be true.

Anyway, Bellamy’s basically notices Murphy’s absence. Like something reminds him Murphy exists and he’s like ‘Murphy’s been ... quiet. That’s suspicious. Murphy doesn’t do quiet.’

And he starts asking and no one knows anything more than that. Monty’s been avoiding him after the algae incident, knowing Murphy doesn’t forgive. Harper never much liked him, about their only interaction was him hitting on her as an insult back on the Ark. Echo’s only concern was that he wasn’t making trouble (as had Bellamy’s been). Raven has never had the patience for Murphy’s bullshit and she certainly doesn’t now with way more important concerns and frankly she’s tired of hearing Emori complain about him.

So Bellamy gets the story out of Emori, who he’d avoided asking because of the certainty that if Murphy was up to something she’d be his partner in crime and finds Murphy is ... lying around on the opposite side of the Ring watching TV.

Dastardly.

So Bellamy tries very hard to do the same thing he did with Echo and bring Murphy into the group. It doesn’t work, because Bellamy is improvising and has zero actual understanding of what Murphy’s problem is.

Murphy needs to eat, when Raven needed that, Bellamy made them eat together as a family. Murphy eats, but he won’t eat with them.

Murphy needs a purpose, when Harper needed that, Bellamy asked her what she was good at. Murphy is good at things, but he won’t tell Bellamy what they are.

Murphy needs people, when Echo needed that, Bellamy joined her at the thing she was already doing. Murphy sits around watching films, he tells Bellamy to float off when he tries to join him.

When we rejoin them in canon, Bellamy is at the point of assigning spending time with Murphy as a punishment and being the only one of the entire group who’s still willing to try. He tries ordering Murphy back, refusing to leave, telling him he’s not useless, telling him the others miss him, telling him he needs to train, bribery, threats, pleading -

Nothing works. Except Murphy is right there literally telling Bellamy what he needs. We see Bellamy finally get to the point where he’s so stuck for ideas he’ll go with Murphy’s suggestion. He challenges him to a fight. Puts terms on it, winner gets to decide what Murphy does. Murphy agrees to those terms, fully aware that Bellamy has always been a much better fighter than him. Plus, Bellamy’s been training with an Azgeda assassin and someone who knows all the tricks a less strong fighter can use.

Murphy doesn’t stand a chance.

Murphy knows that.

Murphy is essentially asking to be forced to do the thing he wants to do.

Now the reason I think Murphy is the one Clarke most needs a pep talk from is because he understands completely. He’s remarkably good at empathy, see Ontari and Jaha for examples of when that goes badly for him and Indra and Pike for examples of when that goes well. (Major problem is that he understands and empathises with those that hate him and after his mother has trouble believing those that love him aren’t going to change their minds. Emori’s unconditional love is the cure to that one.)

So, Murphy gets it. He knows exactly how easy it is to cut off from the guilt and just be the monster. It’s what he did on the Ark. It’s what he did under Bellamy’s command. It’s what he did after Bellamy betrayed him and he was tortured.

What it took to knock him out of it was Raven. Her complete lack of sympathy, her demand that he stop feeling sorry for himself, her refusal to say that the bad things he’d done were allowed because bad things had been done to him. And he listened and he acted on that and she saw he had worked hard and he apologised and she told him that it wasn’t the apology that made her forgive him.

I don’t think Raven can do the same for Clarke. Not this time. She’s already forgiven Clarke. Because Clarke saved Shaw, because Clarke was willing to give her life for Spacekru, because Clarke remembered her family was bigger than just Madi, because Raven failed to find a way back to the Ground, because Raven failed to save Eden, because Monty and Harper died to find an alternative.

Raven needs her own damn pep talk.

Murphy as family therapist sounds absurd, but ... it’s useful. Corrupting Jordan just enough his innocence doesn’t get them killed. Hating Bellamy just enough his love doesn’t get them killed. Loving Emori just enough her ruthlessness doesn’t get them killed. Believing in Raven just enough Raven’s fear of failure doesn’t get them killed. Amusing Madi just enough her loss of childhood doesn’t get them killed. Challenging Echo just enough her confidence doesn’t get them killed.

Shaming Clarke just enough her arrogance doesn’t get them killed.

And I think Monty knew that, why Murphy was the one he mentioned to them. It wasn’t just Jordan he was asking them to take care of, those two who love far too much, far too hard, far too easily. He was telling them to take care of Murphy, too.

So that Murphy could take care of them.

[painted-crow]

Snake vs Bird secondary?

This is a submission, so it's formatted a little differently. My line notes will look like this. Let me know if this is hard to read for anyone. -Paint

Just to get it out of the way, I'm a snake primary.

Secondaries:

The ones I'm not:

-I think badger secondary skillset is kind of cool, but rather than something that comes naturally it's something I'll occasionally make the conscious decisions to use, and the *value* set that goes with it is not me at all (use all the shortcuts! Minimize hard work as much as possible! Flit from project to project!)

Yep, not you. Cool beans. Might be a performance since you do turn it on? Up to you whether you care about that.

- occasionally, when trapped with no way out, I'll do a lion style "charge in". It feels like the desperate act of a feral animal, not my natural preferred style. Can't manage to make anything else work, charge in, worse thing that happens is we all die. Also re lion I do occasionally consciously fake it, like, I used to have a reputation as the blunt one who couldn't lie and despite being perfectly fine with lying I'd lean into it, having people think you don't lie is handy. I used to be the person appointed by unspoken group consensus to say the things that needed to be said but weren't socially acceptable, that kind of thing. But I'm not a lion primary (I honestly tend to feel slightly queasy reading lion descriptions, although I do have lions I admire)

Oh gosh, this bit is so Snakey. It's SO SNAKEY. Lol

(On the second pass, it almost seems like you're seeing others' opinions of you as a resource you can use...)

So now... Snake vs Bird secondary:

* I can't tell what the system is even talking about when it talks about collecting information because its useful or not. No, I don't waste my time on totally useless trivia.

It's less that you'd seek out random trivia, and more that some of your interests are maybe not super practical.

I was really into natural planted aquariums for a few years, and I thought they were really cool as an exercise in botany, chemistry, biology, aesthetics, and building a tiny ecosystem.

Is this knowledge ever going to be useful? Well, no, definitely not maybe some of the stuff I learned about what plants look like with various nutritional deficiencies...

Some Birds will focus entirely on their more impractical interests, others won't have any and their skills will all seem kind of utilitarian--but they will have picked them up out of interest, even if they really value their utility. I know a lot about computers and programming, and I picked that up partly because it's so useful, but I couldn't have gotten as far with it as I have if it didn't interest me.

On the other hand, I learn languages for fun, even if I don't have anyone around to use them on. Languages are just inherently useful. And I'm a writer, so like, pretty much everything is useful eventually, right?

I'm a writer too so I know what you're talking about, and this is a more solid justification than the example I gave above, but uh... this is a real good blanket rationalization xD

I read as much history as I can because it all goes into a big subconscious churn to make me have a better understanding of human nature.

This is very Birdy. I do something similar, but it's more psychology focused.

Does knowing why I pursue knowledge make it a model?

Nah. Knowing why they value something would just make a Bird value it more. Also, we're really likely to analyze why we like stuff, because analysis is kind of our jam.

If so, that's so deeply strange to me I guess I'm not a bird?

Right now I'm thinking you're a Snake with a strong Bird model. You seem reluctant to identify with it, whereas the Snakey traits you talked about in your "I'm not a Lion" section, you described with a kind of trickstery playfulness and I think you see them as more "you." With Bird you're almost defensive, like you're trying to assure me you're not boring and stuffy xD

But your Bird model seems strong. I think you'd be able to rely on it if your Snake ever Burned. That's a good thing.

* I never know what to answer on the "going in with plans" question of the quiz. I always have a few plans in advance, and they always have several blank spots marked "adjust based on what's happening". I can't imagine not having plans, it gives me anxiety, I can't imagine being too rigid about the plans, it gives me anxiety.

Yep, this still vibes as Snake with strong Bird model.

* I like to research and prepare in advance as much as possible. I was researching college majors when I was 12. I read all the choosing your career books, spent summers interning, and interviewed people about their jobs so I could feel safe choosing. I spent three years reading books and listening to podcasts about parenting before having my first kid so I'd know what I was doing (similarly, I spent years before marriage reading marriage therapy books and relationship skill books).

Oh hell, just @ me next time. This is more full of Bird shit than the windshield of a car that's been parked under a tree for the last 3 years.

And then, after doing as much research as possible, there's ALWAYS the moment when you have to say "screw it" and jump in blind as a bat anyway. That's just life. It's completely impossible in the actual moment to follow a plan, the plan always disintegrates at first contact with the "enemy" (but the process of making the plan, backup plan, and additional backup plan is important.)

There's that Snake again. I really wish I could do this. It'd be super useful.

It's starting to sound like your Snake is supporting your Bird rather than the other way around, which is surprising me. I was expecting you to start convincing me you were a Snake around about now, but you're doubling down on the Bird.

* there's a distinct feeling of 'turning on' my hyperawareness of my surroundings and ability to respond. Like, let's say I drift through life *highly* distracted by what's going on in my head.

Moooood.

But if I'm at a job interview, or giving a speech, or having an important social interaction, there's this sort of clear quiet feeling where I'm just trying to sense the room and respond on instinct. It sure feels like this might be what snake descriptions are describing, but it's only on sometimes.

That's how models work, or how they can work. I can see why you're confused.

* honestly reading snake description feels vaguely "aspirational" rather than "yeah, that's me" because I simply don't have confidence that I'm THAT good at grabbing opportunities or responding to chances. In the moment I can fatally hesitate for the crucial two seconds...

Also a model thing. You value it over your actual secondary, which explains why you want to identify with it more. I do this with my Badger model sometimes.

Actually, thinking about it, I essentially feel split. I feel I am both. I feel like my brain can be in plan mode or response mode. It cannot do both simultaneously, I need both modes, and I have no idea how I'm supposed to figure out which is one is my "type" ie more essentially "me". Response mode is more "natural", ie instinctive, when in use. Planning mode comes more easily, feels more comfortable, but of course that's because the inherent nature of planning mode is to happen in the safe spots, you don't plan mid-interview because that's when you're in "danger" and need to "respond".

You're taking your Bird for granted. A lot of people find planning REALLY stressful, and actually feel more comfortable in the moment. Or they like the slight feeling of danger.

Our society holds Bird up as "this is what intelligence looks like" and tells us we should all be that way. (It does this with Badger a lot too.) The result is that people who are good at it don't realize that it's not universal--and they think that seeing it as something particular to them is arrogant.

Effectively, it becomes invisible. We take it for granted and identify it by its weird quirks rather than its actual structure, which we've been taught is something everyone should be able to use easily.

Improvisational secondaries are going to feel more instinctive, almost by definition.

I don't know, I'm beginning to feel like I fundamentally don't grok either one or both of these secondaries and hence am so confused..

I think you're using Snake to support your Bird more than the other way around. You're more comfortable with Bird, and it's most of what you've focused on in writing this. So, after reading all of this, I think you're a Bird with a loud Snake model.

But if that doesn't jam well with you, you could just say "I have two secondaries." Traditional? No. But go ahead. If you feel like that's the truest description of you, then it probably is. Labels describe, they don't define. If it changes later, that's okay too.

Thanks for your question!