#i also won't proof read this

[cassowarywary]

[Start ID: 10 photos of a bound book of the I am in Eskew transcripts. Photos 1 through 4 show the casing with and without a dust jacket. The dust jacket is marbled silver and white with the title written on it in black ink, and the casing is black leather with vertical insets of the same silver and white paper, grey book cloth, and red book cloth. Photos 5 through 10 show the inside: the red and black marbled endpapers, the silver and white decoration paper, the title page with an illustration of a bird turning into a city, a translucent vellum page before Chapter Zero: Initiation, the beginning of Chapter 15: Crossroads which displays the red binding, and a closeup of a page from episode 20: Cruelty. /End ID]

I have always had plans to, once I finished the titlecard art pieces, print them with their corresponding transcripts for myself. Then I decided that I wanted to add the lineart pieces. Then I realized that the transcripts were not fully accurate, so I went through and transcribed corrections to match the audio. Then I decided that I wanted to go back and redo a couple of the titlecard pieces, etc, etc. This printed version ended up not including any art-- I don’t have access to a printer which can handle that--but I wanted a physical copy which I could annotate. As a result, this thing is huge. It’s easily twice the size of any book I’ve bound before, and the cut edges are a bit wonky, but I’m still really happy with it. 

[sysig]

You’re gonna die if you keep that up (Patreon)

[illumiru]

People on twitter and tiktok once again on tgcf manhua because “hua cheng is canonically a beanpole and xie lian a buff Dorito”

they're allowed to not like the depiction if they want but it's so funny when tgcftwt and tgcf tiktok claim to tout canon when they happily ignore it for headcanons because that's what it is at most, a headcanon. you're not superior for liking one over the other.

hua cheng at most is described as slender but he's not canonically lanky. there is also a suggestion that he is built in some way when he's described as being hard from top to bottom. so, like, the basic ideal male build that you commonly see in a lot of CN media where it's not too much or too little of anything.

as for xie lian, there's nothing to suggest that xie lian is buff or not within the canon novel. you're pretty much free to speculate but i do think it leans more on him being lean or having the same build as hc. you have to keep in mind the genre of media that he's in and what are chinese aesthetics when it comes to BL.

maybe xie lian does have some muscles in some way, he's probably lean and androgynous enough that he's able to convincingly crossdress as a woman.

canonically, he has a small enough waist to fit into a woman's bridal clothes but his shoulders are wider than a petite woman because he still has a figure of a man. sqx also forgot that he was also a martial god until he saw xie lian fight with a sword. he's been described as being a little skinny by female ghosts.

and a buff bodybuilder didn't believe that someone who looks tender and delicate like xie lian would be able to compete with him. so canonically to me, xie lian does not outwardly look to be physically overly muscular in any way and passes off as lean or skinny.

that's the extent of it. i know a lot of stans act holier-than-thou about skinny/twink depictions of xie lian and act like it's an invention of the manhua artist but it's funny how that they never confront the fact that he's never ever been depicted as being buff in any derivative of the novel, even the official illustrations from pinsin do not depict him as such. it's not exclusive to the manhua.

we can even see from the design of LQQ in the donghua - he's a martial god but he looks incredibly young and probably the most twig-like in the cast. it really shows that in both adaptations - being a martial god does not automatically correlate to being actually buff within the xianxia genre.

[kigozula]

By Your Side: Sokkla Saturdays 2023

Day 2: Summer

AO3 & FF.Net

SOKKA

She didn't remember when exactly these five letters touched her heart for the first time. She couldn't say when his presence started making her heart beat faster than she ever remembered.

All she knew was that she might be in love with him. But she couldn’t accept and embrace the way she felt about Sokka.

Azula and Sokka saw each other seldom. When they did, it was either a council meeting or a gathering between their friends. And every time it was the same: She became nervous, became awkward and feared people around them could sense it. Toph already smirked every time, though she never said a thing.

Azula. The Princess Azula. Known for her confidence, became a mess around Sokka from the Water Tribe.

She was sure he thought the worse of her.

Their conversations were limited. Sokka would smile friendly and greet her. Azula would try to greet back like it was nothing, barely holding eye contacr and Sokka would get confused and she got frustrated with herself.

Mai and Ty Lee were the only people who knew about Azula’s feelings.

“Come on Azula, you got to tell him! What if you’re too late and some other girl approaches him first?” Ty Lee said, “What if you end up with someone else and still think of him?”

“Ugh! Never knew this would get so complicated.” Azula replied.

“Go tell your feelings and kiss him!” Ty Lee said cheerfully.

“Thanks for your advice.” Azula rolled her eyes and Ty Lee giggled at that.

“Just imagine he likes you back.” Mai interfered catching the girls’ attention.

“Azula, it’s been what, two years?”

She nodded in answer.

“I know feelings and romance is difficult, but people often regret what they haven’t done. Imagine he gets married someday and you get married with someone else. How can you know that by then, you don’t carry him in your heart anymore? Do you want to wake up in someone else's arms thinking of Sokka every day?”

Mai’s words were heavy, true and straightforward.

Sunset was near when she went to her room after her meeting with her friends were over. Days were longer since it was summer. She sighed and sat on the edge of her bed. Sokka’s smiles and blue eyes didn’t stop haunting her. Azula was sick of feeling weak for him. Struggling about her feeling for him on her own without him even having a clue was tiring. Maybe he had an idea? No, it didn’t matter he surely thought the worst of her.

Her eyes drifted to her desk, and she pulled the drawer open.

To see it was gone. The letter was gone. She searched for it but couldn't find it. One night she wrote about her feelings, trying to lift some weight from her heart. Just for herself. She  never truly meant to give it to Sokka. Well, truth to be told, she thought about it, but hadn’t done it any way.

A knock on the door startled her. Before she could react Toph went inside.

“What are you doing Toph? You know you are supposed to knock on my door!” Azula said said clearly displeased.

“Well Princess, I thought I help you finding you love letters.” Toph said mockingly.

Time seemed to stand still for Azula.

“Ty Lee told me you wrote a letter. So, we decided to be nice and give it to your Loverboy Sokka.”

“You did what? How dare you, are you out of your mind?” Azula yelled at her.

“It lays on his desk in his room.”

Azula ran out of the room, setting her destination to Sokka and Katara’s home. Though she slowed down halfway. Had he read it? What would she do if he did.

She was just turning right when she bumped into a strong chest only a few blocks away from Sokka’s place.

A warm hand held her arm to keep her from falling.

“Azula?”

She looked up at him, panicking. And here he was. All handsome. Looking at her again with his piercing blue eyes.

“Sokka… I…” before she could say more, her eyes caught his other hand. The letter he held with it.

Noticing it, Sokka finally asked: “Azula, is this… is this truly for me?” his voice was unexpectedly kind. Positive even.

She reached to grab the letter, but he pulled it away.

“Give it Sokka!” she said angrily. How she hated that her voice shook.

“No, let’s...”

“Give me the letter now!” rage filled her eyes.

“Azula, please let’s…”

Azula stormed off before Sokka could finish his sentences.

Sokka immediately reached for her, but she blocked his way with fire bending and was gone.

Half an hour later he found her on the cliffs with Toph’s help.

She was watching the purple sky, the sun was almost fully set.

He walked carefully towards her, her back facing him.

“Hey, I’m glad I found you.” He said slightly panting.

Azula turned around swiftly. Did he run all the way up here?

“How are you?” Sokka said approaching her.

“Why are you asking?”

“I was worried when you ran away.”

“You took my letter.”

“It lay on my desk and was addressed to me Azula.” he said, “Did you not send it?” He looked sadly now.

“Just forget about it. It was …”

Yes?”

When Azula didn’t say anything, Sokka sighed and sat down next to her, careful not to touch her shoulder, to avoid making her even more uncomfortoable.

“Okay.” he said.

“Okay?”

“Well, I always found you beautiful.” Sokka said.

Hope glimmered in Azula’s eyes.

“And I always wanted to spend more time with you, but you would always ignore me.”

Azula looked down. She thought her feelings came off differently. And she was spot on.

“It was when I read the letter that relieve washed over me. Azula, I feel the same way about you.” he added.

“You… do?” Azula asked shocked “But you never…”

“I do. But you are so perfect and I… yes, I am just me.” he told her sadly. But his eyes lit up right afterwards, a playful smile appearing on his handsome face, “Though, if what the letters says is true, then I am one special guy!”

Azula smiled at that and turned her head away almost shyly. Sokka chuckled.

“You shouldn’t let this get over your head. It wasn’t me it was the letter stating it.” she said.

“Ahhh. But who wrote the letter?” he asked smiling.

Azula smiled. After a brief moment of silence, Sokka continued.

“So, will you accept me?”

With that he stood up and reached a hand down to her.

She looked at it first and then took it. The way her hand slid smoothly into his send pleasant jolts through both of their bodies. They didn’t let go when Azula stood up.

“I want to be with you. I… I love you too Azula!”

Azula couldn’t believe it. All her doubts from years were not necessary. Why didn’t she send the letter much earlier? From now on they wouldn’t waste any more time.

Azula let go of his hand and hugged her. His arms immediately went around her waist.

Their foreheads touched and the sun was setting in the horizon. Shining the reds over the new lovers. Their love would grow over time and last forever.

[indecisive-dizzy]

Do you have any more Eddie dear headcanons you wanna share?

Im sorry for being annoying about him, I don’t get to talk about welcome home a lot so when I do I get really excited :>

No you're so good! I will always take the opportunity to talk about my favorite goober :D

First, Eddie sews! Can't remember how canon this is, I could be tricking myself haha. But I think Eddie has so many little hobbies and sewing is one of them!

He makes all sorts of things: New ties, shirts, dresses, etc! For himself and for his friends!

He and Poppy make sweaters and scarves for everyone together during winter :)

I also like to think he's made Frank a bowtie and/or vest as a gift,, sigh what a loving husband

Speaking of Frank, Eddie uses so many pet names for his husband. Darling, love, sweetie/sweetheart, sugar, puddin', bug, honey/hun, pumpkin. just so many southern petnames

Another hobby of his is obviously crafts, but he really likes origami! It's fun/relaxing and keeps his hands busy when things are slow. Also he can make gifts! A win win!

cough is also helps with his fine motor skills, hand eye coordination struggle is real cough

This man is so autistic adhd to me. His forgetfulness and clumsiness is all part of it. As someone with audhd I can't walk anywhere without getting a bruise from running into things lol. So I'm projecting a bit haha

Mail is his hyperfixation. Eddie can tell you everything and anything about mail/postal history, including stamps. Point to a stamp in his collection he can tell you the year it was made, where, and who. Plus anything else he may know about it.

He loves thriller novels and dramas. And sappy romance novels. He's probably read Frankenstein and Dracula a bunch of times. And he would absolutely read Twilight. Dunno if he'd like it, but he would read it lol

my gen z youth is showing,, idk when vhs was the most common/around but Eddie would have a vhs collection. He'd have the og Frankenstein on vhs and would treasure it. Again, my time is off so just pretend

Also if it's not obvious, Frankenstein is his favorite classic monster story. He feels for the Monster bc Eddie thinks he's so misunderstood. Honestly he probably relates a bit. Also makes a banger costume lol

Eddie would do drag more if he had the time, I think. (Also if the times were more accepting cough-) He likes to feel pretty!

cough I have so many he/she Eddie thoughts but that's another post for another day

Very uncomfortable around bugs/insects but has come to terms with butterflies after spending so much time with Frank.

Similar note, Eddie would never hurt a bug (on purpose) he just calls Frank to safely relocate it. He may not like them, but he meant it when he said he'd never hurt a fly!

Oh I could keep going but I fear I'll dive into au territory lol. I have a habit of updating technology/times/etc with fandoms that take place before the 2000s yikes

[soulsxng]

*looks at Io, Luvi, and Zai in the royalty verse* ...I'm gonna be a little mean to you three, and have Elyki still be a thing, I guess.

Io, Luvi, and Zai: >:T

[nonokoko13]

Rollo Flamme is autistic. I had suspicions about it but after reading his vignette I heard a voice in my head confirming it. God has told me the truth and I must spread the word

He would also be ok with Batman, if he's not his most favoured hero. Oh and he also probably has PTSD and depression. Thanks for coming to my ted talk

[mysticfemme]

I'm so stressed at the moment and all I can think about is having sex with my butch oop

[jinouchibhue]

Logged into my old tumblr account because I'm trying to delete accounts I'm not using and anyway I logged into this account and I see anon that says "i know you're sending those anons by the way" and it was four months ago. I have no idea what this is about lmaooooo

[solradguy]

I came to terms with the Sol kinnie thing months ago now because honestly who gives a shit, but every now and then I'll find myself in a situation where I wonder if whatever it was I was about to do was/is a pre- or post-Guilty Gear interest lol

[swampybogg]

Gosh!! ヽ(˵ ▨-▨¬˵)̄ノ💖💖💖 You really marked the point when you said that they still weren't creating something original, I wasn't giving it more deeper thought and ruminating of Dreaming's words I think it goes hand in hand with the superficiality of the nobility…

The grandiose castles dotted with hundreds of fake windows, hollow spires, self powered carriages still led by a dozen horses. The only objects of beauty that they're creating is all inherently superficial. To distance themselves from humanity, and put forth a claim and image of their superiority. But then, after all that, what is there left of their art?

There is nothing deeper. They'll create portrait after portrait, they'll paint the night filled with the scientific abominations they created, and if it wasn't destroyed paintings of their longing of what only the humans have. Even the only human visual artist - obsessed with become one of the nobility- only creates as a tool to take advantage or harm others, even those with the thoughts of becoming nobility are completely corrupted by it's spirit ( Rose Princess....)

I think it's a really compelling thought that the nobility would rather turn down further creation in the name of bloodlust. Everyone who is a descendant of the nobility are cursed by it. I mean, even D, the so called only success is afflicted by it! But instead of chowing down on some necks he's mowing them down with his sword. Imagine what he could have created if it wasn't ingrained in the nobility's DNA…Weirdly enough, all of it reminds me of those drawings that serial killers/murders in prisons would make actually, you can sense that something crucial is missing in those creations.

Potentially a fundamental lack of spirituality? ( Gold Fiend spoilers [as it is recent] I would say soul too, but gold fiend basically confirms that they do in fact have one….Though their souls still seem to be distinct from humans, it's only ever mentioned nobles reincarnating into nobility a new). Vampires are abominations of god, symbols of holiness repels them, that hollowness presents themselves in their creations.

Well essentially, they're masquerading as something that they're not, the evolution of mankind, when in reality they truly are monsters driven by an inescapable bloodthirst. And even if they were able to keep it in check by constitution alone, who's to say it didn't plaque them to the point it renders them unable to do something else? In the Tyrant's Stars mental health facility there's no mention of therapeutic arts, they seem to be using only SA's left behind energy.

There is no true love found in the nobility, they don't have a love of life. They cannot truly enjoy life - they are beings created to sap from it like disgusting leeches. Unoriginality is their curse, it's their doom, and it became their extinction.

Can Nobles create art themselves? I wondered because I don't remember any examples. Only that they made humans do it - someone wrote songs/plays, I remember? Or the girl who played the harp in the second Greylancer book. The singer that Valcua loved to listen to. Or maybe some humans just wanted to do it? That artist from the first book who drew SA's portrait

I'm just thinking that I don't remember any Noble doing this, but maybe I'm wrong. I wonder if there is any explanation for this (other than they just don't want to)

[tenrose]

Sunday brainstorm: one week before I'm officially in holidays yaaaaay

Anyway I'm leaving for one week the wednesday after. But in the meantime I have to clean my apartment because there is the pet sitter who will come for my cat. I won't be able to completely clean the whole thing but at least it has to look decent.

Then the remaining last days will be for properly deep clean and reorganize my whole apartment. I absolutely cannot do see alone. Fortunately I have been opening up about this with someone close from my family who will help me. Like it's been a struggle and a massive cause of anxiety, depression and guilt all at once. But I think I'm ready to start over and finally take care of this matter not only now but keep it clean on a regular basis. She thinks too because I am the one who decided to talk to her about it which I've never done before. So I think I'm making progress.

There's like so many things wrong with me and I definitely can't solve everything at once. But I have an idea of what I could focus myself on after that. Anyway one thing at a time. I now understand that I can't wake up, think I'm gonna fix my whole life in a weekend, realize it's too much, do nothing. And re do the same thing the next weekend. Like it's a hard thing to accept, although it's supposed to be obvious but hey my brain is stupid.

So for now I will be focusing on the slightly more deep cleaning than usual for the pet sitter, so I can already move forward a few things. And also enjoy my week of vacations more freely knowing I will be supported after that. And also even if I have left the school system for a while now, I feel like September is still made to start anew.

I can't wait to finally be in a apartment I actually like and feel like I'm allowed to impregnate on and decorate. I have been here for three years and I don't feel like home. I mean, I genuinely love the place it is, I like how it is city but not big, I'm close to every accomodation, I can walk to local stores, to work, and have public transports for the big city, groceries, airport, train stations etc. I think I have just been upset to go from a bigger apartment when I was with a roommate to a studio. Like I absolutely think everyone who work but is alone should be allowed to rent a fucking two rooms apartment. That's why my next plan is to destroy capitalism and fuck up landlords and the whole society who is built around the concept of couple. But anyway it is what it is. I will probably never be able to afford buying just a two room apartment, or to buy anything at all. So I have to accept to like what I get. The apartment is honestly not that bad for a one room one. It's well thought so with a bit of decorative imagination (which I don't have cause I've never decorated anything, now that I think about it did I even accepted any place I lived in like a home since I left my parents? I think no), it can be very nice. Just to have to keep in mind that I live with an agent of chaos lmao.

Anyway I don't know where I'm going with this.

One thing that's gonna be an absolute needed piece will be a big board so I can make list of everything. Sunday is gonna be for list. It already is for groceries and meals. Like my therapist taught me to do this, and not only do I plan all my meals in advance, and so I eat more diversified food, but also it's a gain of money (which we all need). I also have my alarms, to stop playing, don't forget my Pill (another new improvement, I hope too soon to tell) and honestly it works pretty well. The only thing I'm gonna have to learn is to not freak out and forget about a task forever if I have something else happening the day I'm supposed to do the thing on my list. That is gonna be the biggest challenge tbh.

Anywayyyyyyy... Yeah all these things are supposed to be normal and being over 30 you'd think I would have all my life under control but nah. And I'm not the only one. You know, the coworker who seems to have everything under control and manage things properly? They are probably just best at hiding their problems than you. So it's not too late. You can do better. You can learn. You can find somebody to help you. I believe in you.

And I will do my best for myself.

[cyberjam]

ATSV HEADCANON: they have a crush on you . . . ☆

warnings - none really, super fluffy and adorable :), semi-proof read so i apologize for grammatical errors if there are any! no use of name or y/n, gender-neutral reader!

word count - 2.1k

main masterlist <3

☆ . . . miles morales

I imagine you two already being well-acquainted friends with each other once he realized his feelings for you. For quite some time he had a crush on gwen but now his heart strings are pulling him towards you, so he's struggling when it comes to addressing his feelings.

If you're in the same room as Miles, he will stare. Any conversation that he was having before is long forgotten and all that's on his mind is you.

Miles doesn't need to study, he's one of the top students in school. But he continues to go on study dates with you because he likes being in your presence and sharing his headphones with you while eating yummy pastries.

He has an entire journal dedicated to you. Said journal includes: small journal entries of his day with you, little quotes of the funny/cute things you've said that stuck with him throughout the day, candid drawings of you that he created whenever you two hung out, cute sketches of you and him stargazing or slow-dancing together (and other secret drawings of him saving you as spider-man and cradling your body in his big strong arms but we won't get into that...)

Miles really can't get enough of you. He laughs extra loud at your jokes even if they aren't funny, his heartbeat quickens at the mention of your name, he'll offer you his jacket even if you don't need it, he always smiles when something reminds him of you, he'll share his headphones with you and shyly ask if you and him can make a "study playlist" (he listens to it at night while drawing you), and overall is just madly in love with you.

He wants to be with you more than anything, he's just struggling to find the right time to ask you. <3

"Hey, don't touch that! It's- No! It's not a diary, it's just...secret."

☆ . . . gwen stacy

She's pretty awkward herself. You were assigned to be partners for a project that would play a big part in your final grade, she came off slightly cold and seemed to be annoyed at your presence which made your relationship start off rocky. In reality she was just stressed, juggling her spider duties, getting kicked out of her house, and then school on top of that, it was just a lot. But when you made the effort to plan things and work around her busy schedule (that you didn't really know anything about) she started to become grateful for you.

Your parents welcomed her kindly each time she came over to study and whenever she would leave she was happy with a full belly and a sore face from smiling and laughing with you all night. The project was supposed to be done by the end of the semester but you and gwen were able to finish it the first month you got it. That didn't stop her bi-weekly visits, that then turned weekly, until she was suddenly walking home with you everyday, from and to school.

She likes to compare hands, shoes, and height just to see the difference in sizes. On walks back from school she'll give you a piggyback ride if you ask nicely. She also likes laying her head in your lap, if you run your fingers through her hair she'd be fast-asleep within 5 minutes.

You and her tend to share your oversized clothes together, You always wash her jackets/sweaters after you wear them, which she absolutely loves. She's fallen asleep curled up in your hoodie, inhaling the scent and listening to whatever song you rambled about the previous morning on repeat until she finally asks you to just make her a playlist. Hobie definitely knows about you, only because she slipped up by saying too much.

She enjoys staying over your house during rainy days. She tends to tense up whenever you're watching tv together on your bed and your head falls on her shoulder. During missions in other spider-verses gwen has taken little souvenirs from different worlds and given them to you, she always does it in a nonchalant way as if she wasn't grinning ear to ear on her way back, excited to see how you'd react.

You don't have sleepovers often but when you do they always seem more intimate than your usual hangouts. When you wake up and see gwen flustered on the other side of the bed you never understand why, not knowing that when you were fast asleep she woke up cuddled into you, nuzzling her body into yours.

"I-uhm. I-uh just had a weird dream. Nothing to worry about, heh.."

☆ . . . pavitr prabhakar

It's very obvious he has a crush on you, it might as well be written on his forehead. He follows you around like a lost puppy. He's constantly offering to carry your books, opening doors for you, paying for your snacks, and even giving you hand massages when you've been writing an essay for too long. He's just completely whipped for you and you're not even dating (yet).

You were a transfer student and he was assigned to show you around Mumbai. He found himself getting giddy at your cute reactions to the different sights he took you to. He adored how you were filled with so much curiosity and wonder, the awestruck look in your eyes when you saw the pretty lights at night and just how genuinely excited you seemed to stay and explore Mumbai. Since then, he's been glued to your side.

He's such a gentleman, you can tell he was raised right. Whenever you're talking his full attention is on you, nobody else matters in this moment but you. He'll even get a bit upset if someone cuts you off, ignoring whatever they're saying and urging you to continue. His legs feel wobbly around you, he gets dizzy at the sight of you, and he feels like he's floating whenever you smile at him.

There have been multiple occasions where you've caught him staring at you, depending on how he feels that day he'll either smirk and gently wave or quickly turn away with a blush on his face. He gushes about you to Hobie and Miles all of the time. They know so much about you and they've never even met you.

A true romantic. He buys you a singular flower one week out of the day, always explaining the meaning and where they originate from. (all of them are a variation of romance/love)

He tends to lean into you whenever you speak. More than one person has pointed out that you both tend to mirror each other's actions. He's feigning for your touch more than anything, a simple brush of your shoulders and he's full on putty in your hands.

He won't outright confront you when he figures out you like him, instead he'll invite you on a nightly walk. Taking you up to a rooftop with a gorgeous view, and gently resting his jacket on your shoulders. You'll sit for a while enjoying the scenery before he turns to you and says...

"a person as beautiful as yourself shouldn't wander this world alone.."

☆ . . . hobie brown

What a nightmare. He is constantly teasing and flirting with you. Always doubling over in laughter when he sees you get all flustered and the words you so badly wanna spew at him get stuck in your throat.

I imagine you both to be spider-people, you're a little more stuck-up than he is which is why he likes to tease you so much. Little by little your reactions fueled something deeper in him. He no-longer found himself flirting with you because he liked seeing how aggravated he could get you but because that was his way of approaching you and saying all of the things he wanted to while being able to play it off as a joke.

Besides teasing you relentlessly, he can be really caring and attentive to you when he wants to be. If you're in the medic he'll stop by pretty often to make sure you're okay. The only reason you found out is because you woke up to him fast asleep next to your bedside, feet propped on your bed and his vest laid across his torso like a blanket.

He'll eat the foods on your plate that you don't like. If you fall asleep he'll lay his vest onto your body and even move your position if it looks uncomfortable. If he senses danger before you he'll move you of the way as fast as he possibly can, but if he's not close enough he'll give you a heads up before anyone else. He tends to stare at you sometimes, always smiling gently to himself.

When you two get closer as friends he'll play any song on his guitar if you ask him nicely. He'll even give you lessons if you really want them. Carefully throwing his guitar over your torso, he brings his much larger hands to yours. You can feel his chest against your back, and the waves of his warm breath on your neck as he teaches you how to play. He'll also let you wear his jacket, saying it looks better on you than him. He might let you keep it, only in exchange for one of your jackets. (he sleeps with your jacket on, it makes him feel close to you.)

Hobie often checks up on you during missions, sometimes saying teasing phrases to get you riled up but mostly to make sure you're holding up okay. "you alright there, peaches? you took quite the hit."

Once he finds out you like him, he eases up on the teasing, but he doesn't refrain from dropping subtle hints of his knowingness that you like him. He's just waiting for you to finally say something.

"Yknow, if i ain't know any better i'd say you were doing this 'cause you like me."

☆ . . . miguel o' hara

You worked beside him in Alchemax, the two of you were assigned as partners. At first he didn't care much for you, simply telling you to stay out of his way and that he didn't need any help, but after Lyla practically forced him to be a cordial lab partner and work with you, he started to take a liking towards you. Sadly, it took months for him to tolerate you and even longer for him to like you.

Although he was quite stuck-up and practically seemed on edge most of the time, you were able to break through those confined walls and have a comfortable-playful work relationship with him. Every-time you made a joke or a light quip about his attitude he'd always respond with sarcasm, still not being able to hide the tiny smile that graced his face at your foolish acts.

He always runs his projects by you before submitting them. (and then lyla to triple check) He'll stop by and pick up empanadas from his favorite store, always boasting about how it's the best in Nueva York and you'll never taste anything better. Eventually he brings in a hefty share of empanadas that you two share over lunch time, your conversation flowing naturally without the teasing but with a fluffier feeling flowing through the air.

He pretends to be annoyed when he catches you over-working but he's genuinely worried for you. Always shaking his head in a disapproving way when he finds you fast asleep on your desk, papers scattered, and drool falling past your lips. Quietly scolding you in spanish before throwing his lab coat over your shoulders and organizing your papers neatly.

He tends to act unbothered when you do something that shows you care for him but in reality it makes his heart stutter and his stomach feel all loopy. He hates it because it makes him feel like a middle-schooler when they get their first crush but another part of him absolutely adores it and his main motivation to get up to go to work in the morning is you, although he'll never admit it.

If a co-worker is ever rude to you he will be the first to defend you, not hesitating to get in their face with a nasty scowl painting his features. On Friday's he made it his personal mission to walk you home, you two slowly walk side-by-side, quietly laughing to yourselves as you reminisce on lab accidents and old memories. There's a slight gleam in his eyes when you make it to your apartment door. He turns to you almost hesitantly, before stepping closer to you. He whispers a question, so quiet and soft you almost wouldn't be able to hear it.

"Can I kiss you?"

omg i hope you guys liked it! requests are still open btw and thank you for reading! <3

likes, reblogs, and comments are always appreciated <33

[bluetimeombre]

✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧ And I wouldn't marry me, either.

You were Azriel's mate, but it took losing you three times for him to realise.

[this is long. i'm talking 5k words long so i've split it into two parts. anyway, azriel is the best bat boy and no i won't hear anyone out. i'm so excited to write for him and hope you enjoy. it's very angsty but that's what i love. i hope i can write more for him and maybe other characters if you like. it's been a while since i've actually read the series so if any information is wrong, do let me know. also it was my first time using the term y/n and yes, i cringed NOT PROOF READ... enjoy]

warnings: references to sexual assault and references to suicide. nothing explicit but please don't read if this is sensitive to you.

Part 2 soon…

✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧

The first, was the worst...

You were Rhys's half sister, the bastard daughter of his father. But when your mother had died giving birth to you, Rhysand's mother took you in and raised you with your brother and sister. You were so little and adorable that your sister loved you at once. Rhys did to, at some point of your life, you were sure he actually cared about you.

But when his mother and sister had died, his eyes shifted, he started to look at you with contempt. After all, you were only his half-sister. The worst half. He only kept you around because it's what his mother would have wanted.

And because there was no way Cassian and Azriel would ever let anything happen to you.

Besides, Rhysand knew when to use you.

Although Azriel was his spymaster, you were pretty good at staying swift-footed too. And you were frankly, very terrifying when you wanted to be.

You tread with power through the war camps, all of them looking at you as you went. All of their gazes wrecked with a predatory gaze. They either wanted to have their way with you, or kill you. Or both.

Rhys had said you could handle it, it was only supposed to be a check in. Cassian hadn't liked it, neither had Mor but it was Azriel who had almost- and for the first time- disobeyed his high lord to accompany you. But no, your brother wanted you to do this alone, so alone you would.

Just to show him you could.

'I can come with you,' Azriel had said, standing in your room as you tied your boots up. 'I won't even have to be seen.' At that, his shadows wrapped up your calf.

You smiled at them, as if they were his own pet. 'I'll manage just fine. Besides, i'm sure that's what Rhys wants, me needing a man.'

It had done nothing to calm your friend. The worry was still stuck between his brows, marring his handsome features. You'd held his cheeks, your wings hiding the two of you. His large ones (enough to swallow the both of you) over-lapped yours.

It was the last time you'd feel your wings.

The war camp wasn't as easy as you'd hoped. It was terror and horror in a place. You'd been to the court of nightmares, you'd gone to the slaughter of the spring court after they killed your family. But this, this was hell of another kind.

You had no idea how many days you'd been locked up, wrists bound in chains and hanging from the cell roof above you. Blood rolled down your arms from the force you'd tried to use to get them out. Your eye was swollen shut and your body trembled in pain.

All because they wanted to know your brothers secrets, and you wouldn't budge.

Your check was only supposed to be a day, but you were sure it had been longer. Days of endless pain and torture. Your uniform hung in rags of stripped material, your hair matted with blood and hiding your face.

You'd used the last of your energy to keep your walls up. You weren't anyone's mate, you didn't have anyone on the other end trying to feel what you felt. But should Rhys come looking (though you doubted it) you didn't want him to feel it. You didn't want anyone in your mind.

The gates opened with a sickening clash.

One of the Illyrian's knelt in front of you, his wings hiding those coming in behind you. 'Listen sweetheart. I don't want to make this any harder than it's about to get. All you have to do is tell us your brother's hide outs.'

You grit your teeth, staring down at the ground.

'So loyal, to a man who doesn't care if you live or die.'

Suddenly, your wings twitched as hands grasped them. Brute hands, the sort you wouldn't want touching any part of you.

Fear spiked in you, horror twisting your gut. 'What are you doing?'

'I told you I didn't want to get things messier, darling.'

You whipped your head from side to side, trying and failing to get a look at the assailants behind you. Your wings were being held apart, no matter how hard you tried to bat them away. You knew the sort of people they were, and what they did to girls like you.

That's when the begging started. 'No, no please. Anything. I'll do anything! Beat me, kill me, rape me, not my wings, please!'

'Anything?' the bastard asked, tongue poking out from his lips. 'Then tell me where your lord's hideouts are?'

You should betray him, you thought. He would never lose his wings for you. Perhaps it was stubbornness that kept you from, or maybe you were clinging to the last bit of love you want from him.

The bastard scoffed, 'anything, she says. Your brother has his own bitch wrapped around his finger.'

That's when they started hacking at your wings.

Your screams tore through your throat, blood spitting and dripping down your chin. Tears soon joined when they hacked away at the bone, the membrane, the flesh of it all. The three of them worked through your screams and your tears and your pain, tearing and cutting at it like it was nothing more than paper.

Not your whole life.

Let them hear you. You hoped your brother heard you, you hoped all and every court heard the pain.

Eventually, even you couldn't keep screaming. The only sound was the hacking away at your wings and the drops of blood.

'Now look at these beauties. I've got a perfect spot on my wall for these.'

They left you after that. There wasn't much more damage they could do. It already felt like they'd destroyed your life. You had never really thought about your wings, they were just part of you, as much as your wit or hair was. But they'd took it and now, you felt empty. Never would you fly with Azriel again, or use your wings to smack Cassian over the head.

Rhys, your dear brother, had took that from you.

The days blended in together after that. You were pooled in your own tears and blood, vomiting up anything they forced down your throat. No, they'd made it very clear they didn't want you dead. They just took pride in making it feel like you were.

At some point, you'd stopped reacting to the gate opening. You let them do whatever they wanted with you. Your wrists were still chained, arms still hanging up, your clothes hanging on your thin body in strips of dirt.

'No...' you heard a mumble. 'What have they done to you?'

Suddenly, the chains gave way and you lurched forward, with no strength to catch you. Luckily, you didn't have to, as strong and warm arms pulled you into his chest.

'Hey, wake up, look at me, dammit.'

Azriel.

You'd know the voice in the darkest days, in the pit of your worst nightmare you'd know.

You try to speak but your head's heavy, your lips are stone and your arms can't lift to hold onto him. You're exhausted, you're dying. The only thing you could do use all your strength to try to open your eyes.

'Please, please, look at me. You have to look at me,'

You were trying, you wanted to tell hm, snap at him, but you couldn't.

You felt Azriel shake, or maybe you were. Then, there was wet drops landing on your cheeks- you flinched.

'I'm sorry, i'm sorry. Rhys! Rhys! hurry up, please!' he was screaming. You'd never heard him scream before.

You heard the rush of feet at the cell doors, you knew it was your brother. You knew it from the presence of him, from the shuffling of feet and chocked sob. Your brother didn't cry, least of all for you.

'Her wings, oh mother, her wings,' said Azriel, his voice barley above that of a whisper.

Your wings. You didn't need reminding. They were gone, long and far gone. You were without a part of you, the very part of your soul that loved to be free. Never would you watch the stars up close or fly over everyone. Never race Cassian or make jokes with Az.

No, this would destroy you.

'y/n,' your half-brother called. 'No, y/n. Can you hear me?'

Your lips parted, mumbling. 'Hurts.'

Azriel's grip on you tightened. 'I know, we're gonna get you out of here, just hold on for me.'

You wanted to tell him you would hold on, you'd always need to hold on to him. That, no matter what he asks, you'd do it. To kill, to live, to breathe, to die.

And that's when it clicked. Amongst all the pain and the doubt. In your blood soaked clothes. In the fear you wouldn't make it, there was a tug. Weak and one-sided, but there. You knew you'd be safe with Azriel, knew you would always be with him.

Mate.

✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧

The pain subsided to a dull ache, there and beating but not excruciating. You were warm and covered in a soft material. Nothing like the cell you'd been kept in. Your fingertips sunk into something soft- a bed. Your bed. It was familiar in its lavender scent to you and the silk wrapped around you gave you some semblance of warmth.

Your wings.

Even coming to consciousness was difficult. You were exhausted but light, without the weight of wings holding you down. You'd never realised how much you needed to feel that weight, to feel pulled down in order to be free.

Gone, all gone.

Your hand twitches around something cold, a shadow holding your hand, creeping up your side.

'You're awake, thank the couldron.'

It wasn't Azriel, master of the shadows. It wasn't your mate. Mate. The word replayed like a terrible song in your mind.

How dare the mother do this to Az. How dare he- nothing but loyal and kind- get stuck with a person made in darkness, who bled shadows, who's heart was so full of hate there wasn't room for love. They'd cursed Az, with you.

But luckily it wasn't him, it was Rhysand.

'It really happened,' you whispered, voice hurting from the screams.

He sighed. 'I'm sorry, i'm so sorry. We-we thought you weren't going to make it, you'd lost so much blood.'

In spite of the pain in your shoulders, you made a shift, turning from him as he ranted on about your condition.

'y/n... sister, please,' he said. He'd never called you sister before. He'd always been content to treat you just like you worked for him.

'Leave me alone.' you couldn't bare to look at him, couldn't bare to face him. The shadows at your hand grew heavier, as if more were piling on. You stretched your fingers away from them, trying to get them off you.

'Are you in any pain?' asked Rhys.

'Get out,' you mumbled.

The end of your bed dipped where Rhys settled, hand splayed on the covers, begging for your hand. 'y/n.'

'Get out!' you snapped, body tense and straining. You felt your wounds open up, blood wetting the bandage around you. But you didn't care. You'd happily bleed if you couldn't fly. A part of you, sick part of you wanted to be left there. It would be better than false sympathy.

Be better than your mate being disgusted.

'Get out!' you yelled again, voice tearing through an aching throat.

'I just want to help you! please, let me help you!' said Rhys, standing from your bed and walking around, trying to face you.

'I don't want your help!' you screamed. You reached for the closest thing you could, a jug of water and chucked it toward him. You aim was terrible, marred with pain and exhaustion. 'Get out!'

Though hesitant, Rhysand slowly started walking back to your door. He did it all looking at you, his hands out to show he wasn't gonna hurt you, but you didn't care. You went for the glasses next and chucked them but they landed against the door which he disappeared through.

Before it slid close you caught sight of Cassian , Mor and Azriel. All crowded, all waiting to see you.

You'd be happy if you never let them see you again.

'Can we see her?' you hear Mor ask.

'Give her time,' said Rhys.

The shadows at your hand grew heavier, darker, tighter.

'Go away!' you yelled at them. To anyone else, you probably looked crazy, screaming to darkness. But the shadows understood. They departed, slithering away and under the crack of your door where you could see the shadows of feet.

Tumbling from bed, you stumbled over and locked the door, leaning on it to and catching your breath. Your nightgown was starting to get sticky with blood all over again. When you closed your eyes, you pictured the cell, the rough hands holding you down, the chain keeping you up.

And the pain, it all washed over you. The hacking at your back, the sting of a slap. It hit you like a tone of bricks as you slid to the floor.

There was a knock, rattling the door.

'y/n,' Cassian. 'Please let us in.'

Us. You felt him on the other side. Your mate, his presence lingering. His shadows under the door, wanting to come in but keeping their distance.

He didn't know. It hadn't snapped for him, you could tell. It was one tug on your end, a chord in your heart. At least he couldn't feel what you did. At least you could shoulder it alone.

'Please.' his voice was almost your un-doing. He sounded so sad, so desperate. It hurt you just to think you were hurting him.

Tears streamed down your face as your curled your fingers into a tight fist. You assumed Mor had left with Rhys, leaving you there with the males.

Cass was always like a brother to you. Granted- a brother you had slept with once or twice- but he was your best friend. You'd always been close to him. But you'd always been good, a happy person.

You couldn't be that for them now, perhaps ever again.

It lasted like that for hours. Cassian and Az begging to come in, you curling into a ball with tears down your cheeks and blood down your back.

Eventually, they gave up. You couldn't hear them anymore and the shadows of their boots had disappeared.

Except Azriel's shadows that still lingered under your door. Maybe he'd ordered them to be there while they left you.

Eventually, you managed to find your footing on shaking legs. Your room was large, one of the largest. It was just as much a mess as it was when you'd left for you mission, clothes thrown over the place, books propped open on the pages you'd left them on. Everything was the same but could never be again.

It took you longer than you'd care to admit to get to your windows and throw the curtains close. Candles light at your request, the house looking after you as it had since you were a child.

You caught sight of yourself in the full length mirror. It seemed smaller, everything in the room felt too large and you too small, as if you were being swallowed by the expanse of it.

Your frame was small in the mirror, your hair disarrayed. Your eyes were red and shutting of their own accord from the tears that had drained you. The starving in the cells had made you look weak, made you feel weak.

And your back. There was no more looming black figures there, no more fluttering. There was just nothing. In spite of the ache as you lifted your arm, you felt around your back, feeling the hitch there, the lump from where they'd been torn from you.

You cry. You sob. You scream.

The scars were long and the nightdress was sticking to you by the blood you'd shed. All you could do, was hold yourself up as your body wracked with tears.

A breeze came from your windows, shadows tugging at the curtains.

You felt him before you saw him. You wanted to tell him to leave you but you couldn't talk without chocking. Without feeling like you couldn't breath.

Azriel had you in your arms before your knees could hit the ground. He fell with you, softening your body on the floor. His arms held you into his chest, his legs caging you into his body. His head rested on yours as he held you. He didn't try to talk, he didn't try to help. It was just him, you and his shadows.

✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧

Azriel remembered dozing off with you, his head on yours. His arms holding you into him, as if it was up to him to keep the sadness away and take it for you.

Afterall, you were his best friend. He should have been there for you, and he'd failed terribly by letting you get hurt and your wings stolen from you. He could hate himself every day for it, for letting you down. But it would never amount to what you felt for yourself and that killed him.

He could see it in the way you cried, in the way you were already keeping everyone out. He'd rather die than let you go through all the pain alone.

When his hands had been scarred by his brothers, you'd help heal him, tell him about everything he still was and all the power he still held in his hands. In the worst days, when he didn't let anyone touch him, he let you.

It was always you.

Azriel wasn't sure how long he'd been asleep, or how deep. He was sure he was still with you, still in your bed.

His shadows crept up on him, engulfing him slowly and whispering to him. Your name, just your name on repeat. It was enough to lull him back into sleep, to keep him calm.

Gone. Missing. y'n. Roof.

He shot up and ran fastest than he ever had in his life. It was as if he'd never been asleep but had been fighting a battle with the way he raced over.

He burst through the doors, the cold hight air hitting him.

You stood facing the stars, your bloody back to him. It wasn't as much blood as when he'd found you, but it was still enough to put a lump in his throat.

Immediately his shadows fell to you, cascading down your body and wrapping around your waist. There was a breeze in the air, pushing your hair back and exposing more signs of the pain and torture you must have gone through.

'I'm not gonna jump, if that's what you're thinking,' you said. You didn't even have to turn to him. The shadows probably told you enough.

'Why are you up here?' he asked, walking to you slowly and with careful steps. As if every step closer could you push you away from him.

'I'll never feel the win properly again,' you answered.

Azriel gulped down his own pain. You’d never sounded so small. ‘Can you get away from the ledge?’

'I'm not on the ledge.'

'You're too close for my liking.'

'Leave if you don't like it.'

'Don't do this,' he said.

'Do what?' you asked, folding your arms over your chest. You were cold, out in the hight but you wanted to see the stars. Needed to see them.

'Make me leave. Make everyone leave you. I know that's what you're doing. It's what you do every time,' you could feel him dawning closer. His shadows were all around you, almost drowning you.

‘Every time,’ you scoff, stepping down and turning on him. ‘It’s not every day you lose your wings Azriel! But don’t let me stop you from leaving, flap them and go!’ You yelled, unable to stop yourself, no matter how hard you tried. You didn’t want to hurt him, you just wanted to be alone.

Mate. Mate. Mate.

'You jump and I’ll catch you,' he said. He was a step away, he could just reach out and touch, just a gentle caress. 'I swear it, whatever you do, I’ll follow. I’m not letting you get away.’

He watched your back shudder as he reached out, brushing knuckles against your shoulder blade. He heard your sharp inhale follow.

'Don’t think I won’t follow, y/n.'

Finally, you turned around in his shadows. You couldn’t meet his eyes but at least you could face his chest.

His hands were gentle on your shoulder as he rubbed it gently. 'Can I get Madja to clean you up?' He asked.

You nodded as he led you away. You truly did not deserve your mate.

✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧

Fifty-two years later...

When Amarantha had trapped the high lords of Prythian under the mountain, it hadn't be a conscious choice to follow your half-brother down. How Amarantha had allowed it, you weren't sure, but perhaps she wanted to use you just like her brother, or she thought it would bring more pain for him to see you suffer under there too.

You and Rhysand had barley spoke the last two years.

It had took you almost two months to heal fully enough to leave your room, another few months to face your family again. But even then, everyone knew something had changed in you. You didn't laugh as loud or smile as wide.

Rhysand was careful to ever let you out on a mission. Mor tried to take you out every night. Cassian spent all day every day with you and Azriel- he'd healed you better than any nurse.

Still, you had not told him he was your mate.

Still, you thought he wouldn't want it.

Still, you cared for your brother enough to not want him to go alone.

But being under the mountain, you could avoid your mate. At a painful price.

Until her. Rhys's mate. He hadn't shut up about her since he first met her, much to your dismay as you had to sit around and listen- having absolutely nothing better to do. And it only got worse when she turned up under the mountain. She was declaring her love for Tamlin- again, annoying your brother, and throwing Lucien into danger- which rather angered you. You had nothing against the ginger.

Rhysand had once sent you to find the girl to summon her as part of a bargain he'd made. He didn't want to go, he didn't want to look too forceful. You'd been lucky enough to find the two tangled up in each other against a cold wall, clothes ripped and hips moving together.

'Well, well well,' you'd intterupted.

Tamlin all but growled at you, but feyre was looking over you- evidently confused. She had no idea who you were. You, in your skimpy outfit that Amarantha kept you in (they all dipped low at your back, showing off your scars) and your eyes that were like a night sky.

'Amarantha's looking for her pet and Rhysand is looking for his. Honestly, i'd be a bit more worried if I were you. You know, considering Lucien still has an eye to lose.'

The two parted with your words as you sent Tamlin back to his master, the high lord glaring at you as you went. While Feyre tried to fix herself.

'Rhysand is over there, better not keep him waiting.' That was the first time you met her, having no idea how much trouble she'd be worth. The family that she'd become.

But Rhysand made sure you knew it all. From when the bond snapped in him and he'd stumbled. He ranted and ranted as they climbed out.

If only you were so talkative about Azriel. If only you could talk about him with your brother. But you'd tried not to painfully think about him. Climbing out of the mountain. It was all you could think of.

Maybe he'd have forgotten you? it had been fifty years. He'd probably realised how happy he could be without having to take care of you.

Rhys was allowed out of the mountain, he'd felt the breeze in his hair but you hadn't in fifty long years. You stood there a moment, bathing in the warmth as everyone left, as everyone ran off for their families and courts and the war that was inevitable. Eventually, Rhys offered you his arm. 'Shall we go home?'

He winnowed you there, on the balcony of your home. In a cloud of black smoke, the two of you appeared.

He went first, slipping through the doors slowly- like it could all be taken from them any minute.

You were hesitant, taking a moment to glance at the landscape behind you. It hadn't changed, not at all. The mountains were still there, everyone was still alive. Your home. In the last years it hadn't felt like home, but how could anywhere ever feel so close in your heart.

When you could find your feat again, you managed to slip through the doors. You were suddenly aware of how little clothing you were wearing, just enough to cover your chest and run down your legs. A chill settled down your back, your scars would be on show. What a way to great them all after fifty years.

Mor had her arms around Rhys's shoulders, crying into his shoulder.

Behind them you caught Amren, with something like tears in her eyes. You were just about to tease her before a body barrelled into yours in a blur of red syphons and your feet were lifted from the ground.

'Cassian.'

His arms tightened around you. You shoulder started to dampen with tears, his tears. The last time you'd seen him cry around you was when he'd seen a dog with only three legs. 'I'm keeping you on a leash from now on, stupid idiot.'

Your arms wrap around his shoulders, a smile gracing your lips. 'Is that a promise?'

He held you longer, tighter, not daring to let you go but at least settling you on the ground. He sighed against your head, controlling himself. 'He's missed you, you know,' he said. He was the only one you'd told, about your mate. 'Now that you're back, tell him. He deserves to know.'

Cassian slowly pulled away, holding you at arms length and smiling at you. He kissed your cheeks and then your forehead before parting to Rhysand.

Mor approached you next, slapping you in the arm.

'Ow!'

'Why would you follow him?' she snapped.

You blinked at her before she took you by the arm she'd slapped and embraced you, like a sister would. You dared not looking over her shoulder to find the one who hadn't come to you. Maybe Cass had got it wrong...

Mor pulled away, wiping at her eyes.

Azriel was as beautiful as the day you left him. His hair was the same length, he was the same height. He was just as you left him. It was hard to tell fifty years had passed on him.

And inside of you, tugging in your soul and heart you felt the familiar string of gold throbbing. But you still didn't feel that tug. You'd hoped it would have faded from you after half a year separated. Or at least have snapped for him. But no such relief.

He approached you, slowly. As if he was scared of scaring you away. But you just stood there.

His arms were delicate and soft around you as he brought you into his chest. He still smelled the same, cedar wood and shadows. Shadows that wrapped around you, shielding you from the rest of the room. They caressed you, head to two.

You held onto each other for what could have been another fifty years, but this time, it wasn't so painful.

✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧

Although nobody wanted to part after yours and Rhysand's return, you were exhausted. A trip to Rita's could wait another night or two. The only thing you wanted to do was hide in your room.

Strangely, your room looked lived in. As if somebody had moved in since you'd left. A moment of anger replaced grief. Had they brought someone else and given them your room? but then you smelt it, Az.

Lying in bed that night, exhausted, you couldn't find sleep. You closed your eyes and pictured Amarantha. You'd never been afraid of her, you weren't afraid of anything. But you re-played the horrors. Watching servants beat Feyre, watching Amarantha use your brother and on the occasion, even you. How she flaunted. How the most powerful lords were weak.

Under your door, shadows seeped in, rushing across the room to you. You smiled, watching your hand disappear in their darkness.

'Azriel?' you called.

There was shifting on the other side of the door before he slipped in, clicking it shut behind him.

You sat up in bed, shadows moving with you. 'Couldn't sleep?'

He wondered in, looking around your room. 'Sleeping's been... hard.'

You rolled over, opening the blanket and nodding your head. You couldn't think about the bond, not yet. Not while he looked so.... ruined. Beautiful- the most beautiful person in the world, but sad. As he climbed in next to you, you could see the dark circles under his eyes, his shoulders slumped and his wings too.

His eyes scanned over you. You were in a thin and silk night dress that only brushed your knees, but the way he looked at you, mother you could've been naked. 'Fifty years,' his voice sounded barley controlled. 'Fifty years. You followed your brother down for fifty years? Why would you do that?'

You gulp. 'I would've done it for any of you. Except maybe Amren, she'd probably enjoy the peace for fifty years.'

You go to brush your hair back but Azriel seizes your wrist. He was angry. That's why his voice was rough and his chest rising and falling with barley controlled emotions. Could he feel it? your nerves, your lying?

'You left. You should've stayed, y/n, you know Rhysand didn't want you under there with him,' he said. 'For fifty years I haven't been able to sleep through a night thinking about the pain you must have been going through. After I swore to keep you safe, after I promised to catch you every time!'

'You couldn't have stopped me. You didn't promise, Az.'

His grip grew tighter. 'It went without saying.'

You looked around his eyes, seeing the pain and grief there also. Slowly, you brought your other hand up. He flinched as you took his cheek but eventually settled as your thumb ran over his cheekbone. 'I won't leave again, ok? I promise.'

He gulped, letting go of your wrist and looking down. 'I slept here,' he mumbled, but just loud enough to hear you. 'I couldn't sleep in my room. This was the only place I could rest.'

Your heart stuttered. Your hand dropped from his cheek. This man was your mate. Your mate. Your only love, whether or not the cauldron deemed it.

Azriel took your hesitation. 'I-i'm sorry, you probably didn't want to hear that. I've probably ruined your one place of peace-'

'Stay,' you said, before you could think of what you were asking. 'Sleeping wasn't exactly easy under the mountain either. I just trust I won't have to put a wall of cushions between us.' as if you wanted that. As if you haven't thought about his calloused hands all over you.

Azriel smiled and stayed the night.

✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧

The third time he almost lost you, broke him...

✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧

[rikli]

i made all the arrangements for the move everything planned and yet i am so anxious and can't even continue my damages rewatch ajajdkkffl

[dlxxv-vetted-donations]

Support Reema's family in Egypt and Gaza.

My other promotion lists | imagine studying for midterms on a phone

Updated: Oct 20

Member(s): @reemash46 (shadowbanned), @reema16 (shadowbanned), @reemagaza (Reema), IG: reema_shurr (confirmed hers, see under cut for proof)

Verification: Operation Olive Branch Masterlist #18

Payment methods: Credit/debit, Paypal through my Kofi (Be warned that Paypal takes a cut. I will post proof of donation within 24h under the 'receipts' tag)

Summary: Reema is an evacuated Palestinian studying pharmacy abroad in Egypt (read this post for more context). New funds will be used for future tuition in the worst case scenario that she can't access existing money in her gfm as well as care for family members in Egypt and Palestine. See under the cut for details.

Current progress:

CAD $ 20,051 21,825 / 25,000

(Final goal)

CAD is weak compared to other common currencies. Your donation can go a long way.

Campaign details:

Read the first campaign details post for what happened in this campaign so far. I also added some explanation on her financial situation and where the money she already raised (Roughly ~$15k CAD) is. Summary: she can't get it quickly due to banking restrictions.

Reema needs to wait for her campaign manager to transfer these older funds to her. She expects to get $3,000 in mid-November, but she's worried that she won't be able to pay off next semester's tuition if something goes wrong.

If everything goes smoothly, this money will go towards supporting her family members in:

However, she can easily access new donations and these are considered emergency funds just in case she can't get the older ones. She needs more in the emergency budget because her family drew from it on Oct 10 to pay for her sister's surgery.

Egypt: Reema wants to pay her parents back for supporting her journey and wants to contribute to their livelihood

Gaza: Preparing her family for the winter.

Misc:

Reema on IG confirms the Tumblr is hers