#ive tried to proof read this like 5 times

[indecisive-dizzy]

Do you have any more Eddie dear headcanons you wanna share?

Im sorry for being annoying about him, I don’t get to talk about welcome home a lot so when I do I get really excited :>

No you're so good! I will always take the opportunity to talk about my favorite goober :D

First, Eddie sews! Can't remember how canon this is, I could be tricking myself haha. But I think Eddie has so many little hobbies and sewing is one of them!

He makes all sorts of things: New ties, shirts, dresses, etc! For himself and for his friends!

He and Poppy make sweaters and scarves for everyone together during winter :)

I also like to think he's made Frank a bowtie and/or vest as a gift,, sigh what a loving husband

Speaking of Frank, Eddie uses so many pet names for his husband. Darling, love, sweetie/sweetheart, sugar, puddin', bug, honey/hun, pumpkin. just so many southern petnames

Another hobby of his is obviously crafts, but he really likes origami! It's fun/relaxing and keeps his hands busy when things are slow. Also he can make gifts! A win win!

cough is also helps with his fine motor skills, hand eye coordination struggle is real cough

This man is so autistic adhd to me. His forgetfulness and clumsiness is all part of it. As someone with audhd I can't walk anywhere without getting a bruise from running into things lol. So I'm projecting a bit haha

Mail is his hyperfixation. Eddie can tell you everything and anything about mail/postal history, including stamps. Point to a stamp in his collection he can tell you the year it was made, where, and who. Plus anything else he may know about it.

He loves thriller novels and dramas. And sappy romance novels. He's probably read Frankenstein and Dracula a bunch of times. And he would absolutely read Twilight. Dunno if he'd like it, but he would read it lol

my gen z youth is showing,, idk when vhs was the most common/around but Eddie would have a vhs collection. He'd have the og Frankenstein on vhs and would treasure it. Again, my time is off so just pretend

Also if it's not obvious, Frankenstein is his favorite classic monster story. He feels for the Monster bc Eddie thinks he's so misunderstood. Honestly he probably relates a bit. Also makes a banger costume lol

Eddie would do drag more if he had the time, I think. (Also if the times were more accepting cough-) He likes to feel pretty!

cough I have so many he/she Eddie thoughts but that's another post for another day

Very uncomfortable around bugs/insects but has come to terms with butterflies after spending so much time with Frank.

Similar note, Eddie would never hurt a bug (on purpose) he just calls Frank to safely relocate it. He may not like them, but he meant it when he said he'd never hurt a fly!

Oh I could keep going but I fear I'll dive into au territory lol. I have a habit of updating technology/times/etc with fandoms that take place before the 2000s yikes

[dljcem]

ೃ༄ Apple Cider

johnny cade x gn!reader

warnings: not beta or proof read, brief mentions of smoking/injury, prompt credits to @/lovemeagoodprompt

5 times johnny wanted to tell you he loves you + 1 time he finally did !

i.

Johnny couldn’t quite tell what you were talking about anymore. Somewhere in the conversation, he’d lost track of your commentary—who was running away, who was in jail, who was going with who, who stole what and where and why…

He was about to nod, feign (or try to, at least) some form of understanding, when you suddenly stopped.

“What?” he queries, wiping his cheeks with the back of his hand. “Do I have something on my face?”

Without saying a word, you lean in, skimming the edge of his jacket collar before folding it down. A deep flush covers his features—he can only watch in stunned silence as you regain your earlier position, almost like nothing had ever happened.

“There!” you smile brightly at him; he swears his heart stops. He’s about to say something, but you promptly cut him off, resuming whatever story you’d been sharing before.

ii.

Johnny rummages through his pockets for what feels like the tenth time—still, the familiar weight of his lighter is nowhere to be found. A smile plays on your lips upon seeing his predicament; he doesn’t seem to notice, too caught up in frustration.

You retrieve your own lighter, tucked safely into the back of your jeans, and place it in his palm. That gets his attention.

“Keep it.”

He does so with hesitance, lights his cigarette and takes a long drag. Albeit a relatively small gesture, it has his head spinning—only you could make him swoon with something as insignificant.

“Thanks, Y/N.” he mumbles, averting his gaze before you can sense there’s something amiss. He drowns out the words threatening to spill from his mouth with smoke.

iii.

Johnny doesn’t like parties. Not the alcohol, or the music, or the outright concerning amounts of people. He does like you, though—perhaps that’s why he’s sitting on some flimsy couch instead of walking home.

His arm is going numb under the weight of your head, yet he doesn’t move a muscle. He briefly wonders how you sleep amidst such chaos; soundly, by the looks of it.

You stir with a small noise, further burying your face in his shoulder. He knows then he’ll be there all night. He can’t bring himself to disrupt your rest when you’re oh so peaceful.

“Sweet dreams, Y/N.”

The rest goes unsaid.

iv.

Johnny lets you brush his hair back, doesn’t flinch as you press an antiseptic-doused cotton ball to the cut on his temple. The only sign of discomfort is the subtle creasing of his brows—somehow, you still catch on.

“You alright?”

He nods, straining a quick response to appease your concerns. He instinctively reaches up, traces the jagged outline of the wound. He knows for a fact it’ll leave a scar; an ugly one, at that.

“It’s not all bad,” you shrug, reading his mind once again, “makes you look tough.”

He looks away and tries to convince himself you mean nothing by it.

v.

Johnny rests his back on the grass, damp from the morning rain. You’re laying only a few inches away, hair splayed in different directions. He watches as you search for patterns in the stars—amidst your concentration, you don’t notice his gaze.

“Pretty, isn’t it?” you prop yourself up on your elbows to get a closer look, smile because you’ve finally found what you were looking for (or, rather, something close to it.)

“…yeah.”

He glances at the dark sky; finds that its not nearly as pretty as you.

vi.

Johnny looks at the horizon, where the setting sun casts various shades of orange. The porch steps are rough against his knees, old and worn from years of use—still, he is calm. You seem to share the sentiment, much quieter than you normally are.

“Hey, Y/N?” his question is but a whisper; you hum in acknowledgment.

“I think I love you.”

Before he can regret it, you’re leaning your head on his shoulder. And, for once, you meet his eyes.

“I love you too, Johnny.”

[just1cefor4ll]

—You’re the type of person they write rock songs about

modern!au Viktor x fem!reader warning. not proof read,

part seven || part eight || epilogue

A/N. ugh only one more chapter :(( i love how this turned out tho so its okay :D

‘From the day you arrived,

I’ve remained by your side

In chains, entombed.’

Viktor didn’t sleep at all. He had tried—closing his eyes, shifting positions, even pulling the blankets over his head in frustration—but his mind refused to quiet down. Every time he thought he might finally drift off, the same thoughts dragged him back under, looping over and over until exhaustion settled deep in his bones. By the time his alarm clock read 5 AM, he gave up entirely. There was no point in fighting it anymore. Moving sluggishly, he sat up and rubbed his eyes, lingering in the silence of his dimly lit dorm before deciding to just get ready for the day. Maybe keeping busy would help, or at the very least, keep him from thinking too much.

He was halfway through pulling on a sweater when his phone buzzed.

His breath caught. His pulse jumped. Was it you?

Without a second thought, he reached for his phone, nearly knocking it off the bed in his rush. But as soon as he saw the screen, the anticipation drained from his face.

Just the group chat. His friends, awake at an ungodly hour, spamming messages back and forth.

Viktor let out a slow breath, staring at the screen for a moment before opening the messages. He shouldn’t be this disappointed. He shouldn’t have expected anything in the first place.

But he did.

——————————————————————————

[j.talis] Vi did you hear Y/n and the others are playing at your dads bar tonight?

[losttvi] No way… it’s almost like….. he’s my dad.. and… hold up a REAL shocker… powder is my sister?!?!?! who is apart of the group?!?!?! and they tell me these kinds of things…..?!?!?!!?

[j.talis] LMAOAOAOA

[j.talis] jump.

[mmedarda] its 5:17 AM can we not start this rn?

[vik.tor222] agreed

[losttvi] WELL WELL WELL

[j.talis] LOOK WHO THE CAT DRAGGED IN

[mmedarda] and suddenly they’re besties again

[vik.tor222] .

[j.talis] where have you been man? you haven’t updated us in like 2 days

[vik.tor222] nothing’s up, ive just been busy

[losttvi] busy cuddling with y/n haha

[j.talis] WHAT

[vik.tor222] im not even gonna ask how you know that

[mmedarda] spoiler alert: powder

[j.talis] AND?? WHAT HAPPENED AFTER?????

[vik.tor222] I went to my dorm when Powder got back anddd I confessed

[mmedarada] viktor..

[losttvi] HAHAHHAHAHA nice joke, but I don’t like jokes

[j.talis] wait you fr confessed?

[vik.tor222] why is that so hard to believe???

[mmedarda] maybe because the both of you have been blindly dancing around each other for WEEKS?? maybe even months?

[j.talis] ^^

[losttvi] ^^

[vik.tor222] okay what were you even talking about? her and the others playing a show?

[losttvi] yh powder told me yesterday that we should come

[mmedarda] sounds fun, after this week i really need to get away from campus

[j.talis] ugh same

[losttvi] where does this man get this attitude from

[mmedarda] no idea.

[losttvi] okay anyway losers i need to go get ready, meet at our usual spot at 8

[mmedarda] okayy :))

[j.talis] kk

[vik.tor222] alright

——————————————————————————

Viktor walked to the usual meetup spot, adjusting the strap of his bag as he went. His thoughts were a mess, tangled up in the unread message sitting in his phone. Jayce was already there, leaning against a bench, scrolling through something that made him snort. Vi showed up a minute later, hands shoved into her pockets, moving like she had nowhere important to be. Mel arrived last, perfectly put together as always, sipping her coffee like she wasn’t about to walk into an 8 AM class.

"Alright, we ready to go?" Jayce asked, tucking his phone away as they started walking toward their first lecture.

Viktor wasn’t really listening to whatever conversation was happening around him. His mind kept circling back to last night. He’d stared at his screen for what felt like an eternity before finally sending the message. ‘I love you rockstar.’ Then he’d stayed awake far too long, watching for a response that never came. And now, hours later, still nothing.

Jayce nudged him, dragging him back to the present. “You’re awfully quiet. You die inside overnight?”

Vi smirked. “Nah, he’s just in crisis mode. Y/N still hasn’t responded, huh?”

Viktor sighed, rubbing at his temple. “No.”

Mel hummed. “She probably just hasn’t seen it yet.”

“Or she’s thinking,” Jayce added. “That’s a good sign, right?”

“Or she’s ignoring him,” Vi said, grinning when Viktor groaned. “Kidding. Probably.”

The conversation moved on, but Viktor couldn’t shake the gnawing feeling in his stomach. The day dragged. His classes, usually something he could lose himself in, felt twice as long. His engineering problem set was a disaster of half-finished equations, his physics lecture went in one ear and out the other, and every spare second between classes was spent checking his phone. Nothing.

By dinner, he felt like a frayed wire, running on caffeine and anxiety. He picked at his food while the others ate, barely listening. Vi elbowed him at one point.

"You keep looking at your phone like that, people are gonna think you’re waiting for a text from your mom.”

Viktor exhaled a weak laugh. “Maybe she’s the one rejecting me.”

Mel sighed. “It’s not a rejection until she says no.”

Jayce nodded. “And tonight’s your chance to talk to her.”

Right. The show. He’d been so wrapped up in overthinking that he hadn’t considered the fact that he’d be seeing you in person. The realization made his stomach flip. What if you acted normal? What if you pretended like he hadn’t said anything? Or worse—what if you avoided him?

“Let’s go,” Vi said, standing up and stretching. “Doors open soon. You ready, lover boy?”

Viktor groaned, dragging a hand down his face. He wasn’t ready at all. But there was no backing out now.

The bar was already full of energy by the time they got there. The low hum of conversation mixed with the distant sound of the band setting up on stage. Vi led the way through the crowd with practiced ease, Jayce close behind her. Mel walked like she belonged anywhere, unfazed by the dim lighting and the heavy bass from the speakers. Viktor, on the other hand, felt like his nerves were going to eat him alive.

He spotted you almost immediately. You were on stage, tuning your guitar, fingers moving over the strings with effortless precision. His stomach did something unpleasant at the sight—something between excitement and absolute dread.

“You gonna go say hi?” Jayce asked, following his gaze.

Viktor swallowed. “I—”

Before he could come up with an excuse, Powder spotted them from behind her mic stand. “Hey! You guys made it!” She waved, then nudged Ekko, who gave them a lazy salute from where he was setting up his bass.

And then—because fate was clearly cruel—you looked up. Your gaze landed on the group, and for one painfully long second, Viktor swore you were looking right at him.

Then, just as quickly, you looked away.

“Damn,” Vi muttered under her breath, catching the moment. “That’s rough, buddy.” Viktor exhaled sharply. “Thank you, Vi. Very helpful.” Jayce clapped a hand on his shoulder. “Maybe she’s just focused on the show.” Mel studied Viktor’s expression, then said, “Or maybe you should stop assuming the worst and wait until she actually talks to you.”

That was easy for her to say. She wasn’t the one standing here, feeling like an exposed wire sparking under too much pressure.

The lights dimmed slightly, signaling that the show was about to start. People around them started cheering, moving closer to the stage.

Powder tapped the mic once, then leaned in with a playful “Hello?” Her voice echoed through the speakers, and she chuckled before straightening up. “Alright, let’s try that again—hello, everyone!”

The crowd responded with cheers, and she grinned. “Tonight’s a little different. Special, even. And why, you ask? Because I’m handing over the mic—for a song, at least.” She shot a glance over her shoulder before turning back to the audience. “You’ve heard them before, but only through the six strings of a guitar that could probably set this place on fire if it wanted to. But tonight, they’re stepping up in a new way. Give it up for Y/N!”

The room erupted into cheers as you stepped forward, guitar slung over your shoulder. You adjusted the strap before approaching the mic, fingers idly running over the strings as you tested the tuning. The familiar weight of the instrument steadied you, the energy of the crowd buzzing around you like electricity in the air.

You gave a small nod to the band, and in the next breath, your fingers moved, pulling the first notes from the strings. The sound rang through the bar, rich and steady, the kind that made people stop mid-conversation just to listen. The crowd quieted just enough to catch the shift in atmosphere, anticipation thick in the air. The sound of your guitar lowered just a bit— but you were still playing as you started to speak. “This song is dedicated to a special someone who has made me feel special over the past few months.. and last night they really won my heart.” You smile, making eye contact with Viktor who could only blindly stare while his friends squealed like teenage girls at your words.

“And I’d give up forever to touch you.”

“Cause I know that you feel me somehow.”

“You’re the closest thing to heaven that I’ll ever be.”

“And I don’t want to go home right now.”

Your voice rang through the bar, strong and steady, weaving through the melody like a heartbeat. The song was yours—every chord, every lyric. And somehow, every note felt like a direct line to Viktor, like you were speaking to him in a language only the two of you understood.

The crowd swayed, caught in the moment, but Viktor sat frozen. His heart was in his throat, his mind barely able to keep up. He had spent the entire day convinced he had ruined everything, that maybe he had overstepped, that maybe you didn’t feel the same way.

But now? Now, you were standing under the stage lights, singing to him.

Jayce let out something between a laugh and a gasp, smacking Viktor’s shoulder hard enough to jolt him. “Dude, are you breathing?” Vi had both hands in her hair, grinning like she was watching a scene straight out of a movie. “Oh, this is insane. You’re actually winning right now.” Mel simply smirked. “And to think, you spent the whole day suffering.”

Viktor barely registered them. His entire world had narrowed down to you.

And then you looked at him. It wasn’t fleeting. It wasn’t just scanning the crowd. It was intentional. Direct. Like you were making sure he knew.

And just when he thought he couldn’t take any more, you smiled. A real, soft smile, like you knew exactly what this was doing to him.

“And I don’t want the world to see me.”

“Cause I don’t thinks that they’d understand.”

“When everything’s made to be broken.”

“I just want you to know who I am.”

Viktor felt something in his chest pull tight, so overwhelming it almost hurt. His pulse was a hammer against his ribs, his fingers twitching at his sides, his entire body struggling to process the fact that this was real.

The song carried on, the melody washing over him, and for the first time all day, the weight in his chest lifted.

You had answered him.

Loud and clear.

As the song came to an end and the rest of the set ended, his mind was everywhere. “So are you going to do something or do we have to call her over here?” Jayce nudges him, giving him a smirk. “Nah let’s wait to see if he can turn any redder.” Vi laughed as Caitlyn only shook her head in amusement. She however spoke up along with Mel. “Viktor you should really go get her, she’s literally given you the most obvious answer and you’re sitting here like an idiot.” Caitlyn exclaims, putting a hand on her forehead. “She’s right Vik, go get your girl.” Mel smiles, finally seeing her close friend get his ‘happy ending.’

And with that it was like Viktors legs stopped listening to him— leading him towards the stage as if he were hypnotised with some weird spell you were emitting into the air. He stopped just at the edge of the stage, tilting his head slightly. “Are you enjoying yourself?”

You laughed softly, shifting your guitar strap so it rested more comfortably. “A little.” Viktor exhaled, shaking his head. “You could have just texted me, you know.” “I could have,” you admitted, sitting on the edge of the stage. “But this was more fun.” You whisper, leaning in close to his face with a close eyed smile.

His heart stuttered. His hands clenched at his sides, not out of nerves, but because if he didn’t do something, he was fairly certain he was going to combust. “Since when have I had a song written about me in that head of yours?” He asked with soft smirk, flicking your forehead. You shrugged, pretending to count. “Hm, would it surprise you if I told you ever since the café gig?” He chuckled, shaking his head.

Viktor swallowed hard, then—because this entire night had already gone completely off the rails— “So. Does this mean I’ve officially won your heart?” He asked, hands snaking up to your hips, pulling you a bit closer.

You pretended to consider it for a moment before nodding. “Yeah. I’d say so.” You smirk and let him lean in for a kiss but then—

“Ew can y’all not do this right here?”

Powder’s voice echoed through the bar— a few people turning to look in your direction as you watched Viktor’s brows furrow with annoyance. “Didn’t you all beg me for months to just go for it?” Viktor said with slight anger in his voice— the wasted opportunity poking at his heart. “Yeah, but not right in front of us?!” Powder exclaimed, putting a hand on her hip.

You smiled in amusement, giggling even— “How about you and Ekko making out in our dorm almost everyday when you first got together, hm?” You tease, earning a few comebacks from both Ekko and Powder while the rest laughed.

You leaned towards Viktors ear and whisper; “Let’s get out of here?” You half ask before getting up, leaving an annoyed but proud Powder on the stage. As you pulled him toward the door, Powder cupped her hands around her mouth. “This isn’t over, Y/N!”

You tossed a playful wave over your shoulder, not even bothering to turn around.

The bar doors swung shut behind you, muting the sounds of laughter and music inside. The night air was cool, a stark contrast to the warmth of the bar, and for the first time all day, Viktor finally felt like he could breathe.

You squeezed his hand, glancing at him with a small smile. “So? Was this worth the wait?”

Viktor exhaled a laugh, shaking his head.

“Absolutely.”

© just1cefor4all— I don’t consent to my writing being reposted to other platforms or fed into AI. Translating it is also strictly prohibited. 🚫

taglist: @erica2024 @lolixsstuff @skullmvncher @startingtoloveyou @astarionapologist @th3stup1dcat @fiveperrcent @fadedpinkpen @noxturnalmoth

[belovedstarrs]

do you even care?!

• pairing : geto x fem!reader

• tags : angst, breakup??, just a shit ton of one-sided fighting (verbal) , language galore, drinking mentioned & used, cheating, geto never betrays jujutsu high au.

• a/n : god im half asleep writing this and i havent proof-read sooooo deal w/ it i just need to actually post and get over this writing slump.

• w/c : 602

• loosely based off of all too well & youre losing me

you were laying in your bed and pondering. suguru hasnt been home in hours and he told you he was gonna be home at 5 pm, its 10 pm. you checked his location and he turned it off a few hours ago.

you heard the keys jangle in the doorknobs and you quickly got up, you didnt even know what you wanted to say to him. you looked out your doorframe and saw him taking off his shoes at the front entrance as you angrily walked over.

"suguru what the hell! where the fuck where you at? you turned off your damn location. you know what nevermind you were probably at the bar with gojo flirting with some girls since you clearly dont give a shit about me."

it all blurted out, you felt like throwing up. why now? suguru had to take a minute to process everything from you talking to fast. "y/n i wasnt flirting with any girls nor at the bar. i just had gotten a new mission right before i got off and my phone had died." he said with no emotion in his voice. you could tell it was a lie. just by the way he looks uneasy you can tell hes been drinking.

"oh stop giving me that bullshit suguru. if you dont like me just fucking say it. i dont get how you can just cheat on me yet still have the balls to say the words i love you." you wanted to die. you used to love this man with your whole life, why is this happening? why does he lie to you so much.

the past 3 months have felt like hell. sugurus been getting more distant and staying out later than he tells you while getting drunk. you dont fucking get it. why is he doing this? what have you done to deserve this? youve put so much into this relationship and hes tearing it apart like its nothing.

he doesnt even have a response to your stinging words. "y/n i promise i still lov-" you quickly cut him off. "you dont ever keep your promises! stop spouting shit that isnt true for once! your just an asshole liar." you pause for a moment before you continue

"why have you put nothing into our relationship? did you never love me from the start? ive been trying so fucking hard to still love you and act as nothing is wrong and ive tried to tell you that but youre just a dumbass!" you brush shoulders as you go to the front door to quickly put on your shoes and a coat to leave. making sure to grab your keys and get the hell out before he says anything.

there was this burning feeling in your chest that also felt like a little freedom. were you meant to not be with suguru? you wished so hard in your head he would come back for you and apologize, make it right. you kept walking down the street and nothing happened.

you pulled out your phone to text utahime and ask if you could stay the night.

y/n : utahime you awake?

utahime : yeah. why?

y/n : just fought with suguru. wondering if i could stay the night.

utahime : totally! stay for as long as you need.

that gave you some relief. your gonna have to figure out you and sugurus situation but for now you need time to yourself to figure out what the hell youre gonna do with him since you two live together and dont have a actual apartment of your own.

part 2 is out now!!

made by @belovedstarrs do not copy or use in any way without permission

[pbandjesse]

I felt a lot better today. I didn't have as many pains. I was really productive. It was a good day.

I struggled to fall asleep last night. And was up every two hours. I gave James a hug before they left for their very long day. And went back to sleep.

When I woke up I turned on the shower and made the bed and tried to wait for the water to get warm. But it would barley get lukewarm and just kind of sucked. I would still wash my hair and I got acclimated and was able to comfortably take a shower but we have to get a plumber out here soon. Because this sucks. And when we have a baby in here we can't wash her in cold water!!

I got dressed and had bread pudding for breakfast. And would jump into my projects.

I made two snake plushies. I wasn't sure where the wire I have is so they don't bend but they are a great proof of concept and they don't take long to make at all.

But the main thing I worked on was my quilt project. I figured that if I bank a bunch of days I will have lots of time to work on the boarder. And so I got 20-30 completed today! It was about two hours worth of sewing. I went through three full bobbins. And honestly I'm just really thrilled with how everything is coming together. Like the seams aren't exactly perfect but it's close and I'm really pleased.

I was just sitting and sewing and doing my thing. Watch a video and just having a good time feeling productive.

Once I was done with that though I was kind of beat. I had some of my leftover chipotle for lunch. And hung out with sweetp. I was upset with him this morning when he tripped me in the hallway but we made up.

I spent a good portion of the afternoon reading. Which was really nice. With TikTok presumably going away on Monday, it is good to find other things to occupy my time. And I should be reading more. It's good for the brain.

I decided spend 5 I would go get dinner. I didn't really want to leave the house, it was really cold out there, but I thought an hour out would be good.

My original plan was pizza. But I got there and changed my mind. Instead I kept driving and went to Wawa.

I got a sandwich and ate in the parking lot while the sun went down. And soon was back on my way home. Enjoying some music and having a nice evening.

When I got back here I made sure everyone was fed. And Ive just been hanging out waiting for James to get home. They actually just texted me they are leaving soon! Yay!

Tomorrow is going to be a busy day. I have two appoints in the morning, plus blood work. Then the door is supposed to be installed in the afternoon. I hope to work on my quilt boarder. I hope that the appointments go smoothly. James took the morning off so they can come with me. I appreciate that they are always there with me. I love them so much.

I hope you all have a good night tonight. Sleep well. Until tomorrow!!

[thomase1]

Two broken make a whole; chapter 5

Series masterlist Main masterlist

What should I say, it has been a while. An eternity. But I finished this chapter finally. Took me a sec to even remember how all this works-

I would advice to re-visit chapter 4 before reading this one, I had to do as well.

Thanks to everybody sticking around 💜 This one's a bit of a wild and chaotic one. I just hope it doesnt come across as rushed.

This is not proof read so sorry for any errors.

Warnings: talks of abuse and rape, reader struggling with facing her fears, overthinking, anxiety

Wordcount: ~2150

After a very long shower, watching your comfort show for the millionth time and sleeping in as long as possible, you left the comfort of you own four walls.

Admittedly, you still felt like shit.

Sad, reminded of everything you tried to leave behind, ashamed and just utterly overwhelmed. Not to mention embarrassed. Had it been Nat, Clint, hell even Tony that witnessed it all, it would only be half as bad. But luck, per usual, was not on your side.

The review of yesterdays mission went differently than you thought. Your emotional outburst wasnt even mentioned, the thing that actually took up most of the meeting was Loki and Thors absence.

"Ok guys. I'm really starting to worry now. What if they ran?", Cap sighs. "It surely wouldnt look good when mentioned to Fury, thats for sure.", Nat says bluntly. Tony leans back in his seat with a cocky but sour expression, "Would it be too soon for an 'I told you so!'?". "Oh come on, do you really have no faith in them? There is no reason why they'd have to run after that mission, THEY," you emphasize, "made no mistakes. I'm sure they will be back soon.", you try to defend them even though you start to worry yourself. "You do know who we are talking about, right?", Clint raises one sceptical eyebrow.

The meeting was thankfully cut short. Without the brothers, you couldn't possibly remember everything that went down, especially since you were zoned out though most of the mission. It made no sense to continue without them.

Just as you threw yourself on the sofa with some pasta, you heard the elevator ding and the booming voice of Thor. "Hello there Y/n. How are you feeling?", Thor greets you with a hug. He smells odd, like an old basement, smoke and dust. Sceptically, you hug him back. "Welcome back. I'm feeling much better thank you. I think you should speak to Cap though. Your solo operation has caused quite the drama.", you grin, patting his shoulder. Thor sighs and turns back around to the elevator, "Norns, they really have no trust in me. I will speak to them, thank you Meddy."

Meanwhile Loki sat down on the sofa eyeing your food. You now eye him eyeing your food. And suddenly your eyes meet as his green ones snap up at yours. You hold his gaze, "If you want you can take some pasta you know. I bet your hungry after being gone that long.". He scoffs, "Correct. A thank you would be in order.".

He must be shitting you, right?!

"Excuse me, what? What am I surpossed to thank you for? Your solo trip? Ive had to listen to the others complain all day because of that!", you agressively fork your pasta. "Yes, precisely, it was to help you! Hel if Shield knew about it I'd rot in a cell for all of eternity!", his voice raises and his arms cross. "Ok, rewind. Lets start over. Where were you and what did you two do?", you stop eating and pause your show. "And why should I tell you?", Loki teases. You scoff, "So I know what I am surpossed to thank you for of course." So he started to explain.

"After Thor and I brought you to the tower, we did not hand that imbecile over to Shield or any other authorities. We took matters into our own hands.", he says with a proud smirk. "What did you- did you kill him?", you ask nervously. "Ultimately yes, but do you remember for how long we were gone?" Oh god. Oh fuck. "Ages, what like 16 hours? The others were getting nervous you somehow escaped Thor or something.", you nervously bounce your leg. "As expected... But no actually, we took our time to extract every bit of information regarding the weapons from him. Lets just say healing is a big asset in torture.", his eyes glimmer bright green as his grin becomes almost devilish. "I dont think I understand...", or more like, dont want to. "We hurt him as badly as we wanted, he couldnt die. I just healed him any time he came close.", he states flatly. "Oh my god-", your breath catches in your throat. "You're welcome. So, dont worry about him anymore and- This stays between us, officially we had to kill him when we first arrived at the warehouse." "Noted."

An awkward silence fell over the room when you sigh heavily, "Look, I am deeply ashamed over my emotional outburst yesterday. Could we maybe just forget about it? Please?". His eyes flutter as he gives you a once over, then the faintest of smiles crosses his lips, "I dont even know what you are talking about, Agent.". Did my nether regions just clench-

Oh lord-

Your cheeks blush as you clear your throat and nod, "Very well, thank you.".

After that, the problem got solved with Thor telling the team they just followed a lead on a location possibly holding even more weapons. And that wasnt even a lie since they did destroy the remaining weapons they found out about in the torture. So the weeks went on.

Loki became kind of weird. Well, weird for Loki. He started talking to you, randomly and not just in necessary situations. Never anything personal really, but still. But today really topped it all off.

You went to the common room to grab some cold water after your training but insted were greeted with the dark haired god sitting on the sofa, reading an ancient looking book.

"So, Medusa, interesting. I have to admit, I have been thinking what could be linked to such an extraordinary name. There has to be a story behind it.", Loki asks, weirdly curious all of a sudden. You take a few blinks to realize he actually asked you about something personal. "Uh, I cant tell you.", you say a bit too distracted by the tight shirt he is wearing. He tilts his head, raven locks revealing his neck, "Oh do tell darling.". D-darling? You feel heat rising to your cheeks, beeing an assasin you usually dont get nice pet names from others. And coming from Loki? You got butterflies from only that. Oh, youre in trouble...

You shake your head, "No, I mean I really cant tell you, I would if I could.". Now you just fired up his curiousity even more. Damn. That was not your intention but forming words, let alone logical sentences, isnt that easy right now. He sits up, propping his elbows on his thighs, brows tightly knitted trying to figure out what you mean. You planned on going to your room, but you wont walk away from the god of mischief asking you something other than work related. You sit down too, grabbing a pillow from the couch. "Would you please be so kind and elaborate a bit further.", he looks over to you with his brows still furrowed. You sigh, a little louder than you intended, "It is rather complicated I guess. I was captured by Hydra. As you may know, they have inhumane and horrible ways to make people complay. They erased my memorie, wiped us, as my fellow captured and I used to say. I just know that I was 16 when it started, was an assasin pre hydra, my real name is y/n l/n and my cover name Medusa. Those are the informations I have.", you explain as shortly as you can.

His gaze over you shifts a little, its an expression you have never seen before. Not on him at least. He looks as if he has empathy for you?

"That is a rather troublesome past, I appreciate you telling me. However, I still have one more question if you dont mind." Now you furrow your brows, what is there left unanswered? You quickly cover your confusion. Force of habit.

"Oh well, it is what it is. What else do you want to know?", you play cool but lose your shit internally. He nods, "I presume you have not just made that name up, so if there is, I would like to ask the backstory to the name itself." Oh, well thats innocent enough. Still your heart races. Its a subject you spent many sleepless nights over. A weak spot. You know damn well what Medusa is a symbol for, but you dont know if that was your Inspiration too.

"Oh, I see, of course you dont know about that myth. Well, it is really hard to explain since there are a lot of other events that led up to her story. You like to read, right?", you ask him with a shy smile. Maybe you can make him research it on his own. Save yourself the heartache of overthinking again. He raised his brows in a playful manner, holding up the book in his hand, "I would say 'like' is an understatement, but yes. I do.". You huff out a laugh, "Then you probably found the library already. Look for books on greek mythology. My summary would lack a lot of important context." "I have a lot of time on my hands, how about both? Tell me roughly and I will read up on it later.", he smiles sheepishly. It seems luck is not on your side today, so you give a small nod and get it over with.

"There are many versions of her story. However the one I think is my Inspiration, which is not the original but also is mentioned in a few books, is Medusa beeing a priestress to Athena, the goddess of wisdom and battle. The women serving her had to remain virgins and give their life to her. Because of Medusas beauty, the god of sea, Poseidon, took interest in her. Athena and Poseidon were rivals, so he used Medusa to get back at Athena. He humiliated Athena by raping Medusa on the steps of her temple.", you stopped for a second to swallow the lump forming in your throat. "That is a rather gruesome story.", Loki mumbles, not having expected for the story to get that dark, that quickly. You swallow your fears and continue quickly. "Oh yes, but its not over. Poseidon left his victim on the steps, now any normal thinking beeing would expect for Athena to help Medusa." He nods. "That was however not the case, Medusa got cursed by Athena and banished to a far away island. She now looked like an abomination, eyes of stone, chicken legs, metal wings and hair made of snakes. Any beeing who would look upon her would turn to stone. Men traveled the island, chasing and trying to kill her. At some point, her fear turned to anger, she took her revenge on all the men that tried to harm her, turning them to stone. The only way those men could be freed was if Perseus, son of Zeus, beheaded her. As that day came, her blood gave birth to Pegasus, the winged horse, and Chrysaor. Athena used Medusas head as a trophy on her shield, protecting against her enemies. The rest of medusas body was layed to rest in the underworld."

You shifted into story telling mode, like you did when you looked after Clints kids once.

"That... You mortals sure have a lot of fantasy for storys like this. Do you think-", he stops, looking up at you, knowing exactly what he is trying to ask. The universe really hates you, your throat closing from surpressing the feeling daring to take over. "That is the question Ive had for years now. I dont know. I dont know if I want to know. I guess it would make sense if I... sympathized with that character. God, I dont know.", you exhaled deeply, gathering yourself. Its hard to talk about this topic, the uncertenty has been eating away at you ever since you rediscovered the story of Medusa. "You do not know, so it is best not to worry. It wont do any good either way. Is this, greek I think you said, mythology an interest of yours?" "Kind of, yes. I have read a lot about it since researching about my name, its really interesting. Confusing sometimes, but very capturing. I suggest you read about Pandora too, its a very fascinating story. Another one is the story of Icarus.", you smile, knowing he purposefully changed the subject. But you are unspeakably grateful he did. "Sounds promising, thank you for the suggestions.", he smiles warmly. You smile and slowly get up. "I have a date with my bed now, I'm exhausted. Have fun reading." "Pleasent dreams, Y/N.", he gives you a nod.

You bite your cheek as you turn around and leave the room. Your knees weak and hands shaky.

You just dont know if you feel this way because of the uncomfortable topic or because of who you were speaking to. All you know is that your in for a ride.

You just know it.

Tbmaw: @fictive-sl0th @vbecker10 @fictional-hooman @mischief2sarawr @maple-seed @mochie85 @holdmytesseract @theaudacitytowrite @gigglingtiggerv2 @marygoddessofmischief @goblingirlsarah @oceandeepthirst @lokisgoodgirl @fallenlostarchives @kalinaselennespeaks @sid-prescottx @assemblingavenger @loki-n-hvitserk @crzyplantladyvibes @yoongissidebitchh @cakesandtom

Everything: @slytherclaw1227 @their-love @vickie5446 @buttercupcookies-blog @peaches1958

Wifey: @plushcrushdoll

[rigelmejo]

I have listened to the first 5 默读 audiobook chapters!

1. Im so hype! That was 1 hour and 15 minutes I just managed to follow the main idea of!

2. I understood the main idea of every scene I heard! Which is a big accomplishment for me. Even reading the chapters ahead of time like I have, in the past it would take me like 5 re-listens to understand what scenes I'm listening to. I did relisten to chapter 1-2 maybe 3 times, then the rest I just listened to once.

3. I understood more details as I listened more. I think partly this is due to my rusty memory (from 6 months not studying) getting jogged so I am now remembering words I knew before, and partly words I knew/know how to read already. I don't think I learned many new words, if any, but listening to the audiobook does gradually seem to be dragging my listening skills up closer to my reading skills. Which is the goal anyway. I want to be able to LISTEN to the audiobooks of things I can read, so I can listen to audiobooks instead when that's what I feel like doing. And there are some pretty awesome chinese audiobooks! Like modu's? They have music, sound effects, crowd noises, atmospheric noises, different voices for characters (all read by one narrator but I quite like the narrator's main voice and range of voice choices: luo wenzhou and fei du in particular i like a lot, but tao ran also sounds level headed, and ma xiaowei sounded so distinct it fit him well, or the slurring messy zhang donglai voice!)

4. I'm seriously so excited. I could tell most of the details when Tao Ran got flowers, and when Luo Wenzhou told him what Fei Du wants isnt friendship, and Tao Ran saying he knows but if... and luo wenzhou telling him to shut up. And the scene where Fei Du tries to pick Tao Ran up and Luo Wenzhou shuts it down and Lang Qiao smells something going on. Also surprisingly I think the part where Luo Wenzhou yells at the citizens (for taking statements) was easier to follow in audio, because you can tell when he's making the call, and you can guess which words are proof/apprehend/previous crime record a bit easier based on how its being talked about. The Ma Xiaowei part also was almost easier to follow in audio, because the voice emotions and sound effects helped convey the descriptions going on. This is, hands down, the best I've understood a chinese audiobook. There were still many unclear details/sentence phrases I did not understand. Dialogue was still the easiest to understand most details in, followed by actions (slammed walked etc) and descriptives using actions (hit the table, paused a moment, glanced at the other, glared and cut in). But in the bigger picture, being able to generally follow which scene I was listening to and the plot was huge. To me.

5. It makes me excited to listen to more. Also it makes me want to listen to the Modu audio drama, since I think I can grasp enough now to follow that too - whereas in some times Ive tried before I couldnt follow dialogue enough to place all the scenes. It also makes me want to listen to the Zhenhun audiobook again - since i tried like a year ago and used to have to relisten a LOT to grasp most scene main ideas of chapters Id already read (and not even all scene main ideas). I bet I could grasp nearly all scene main ideas now, and maybe more details (not all, but more).

6. Advice for my future self: listening more does work, as far as bringing listening skills up closer to reading skills. Since I've started my "listening study" kick about a month ago, I've probably only listened to 15 hours of chinese or less. Like 2 hours mdzs (multiple relistens of chapter 1-3), 4 hours sci, 1.5 hours on modu audiobook (counting the initial chapter relistens), 4 hours chinese spoonfed audio, 3 ish hours listening to modu chapters with TTS as i read (which has text to help me), 1 hour qi hun cdrama. Yeah so like 15.5 hours. And in that short a time I've already remembered a lot of words I knew before, and started recognizing more and more words I know from reading. If that's only 15 hours then how big a difference might 100 hours make? And that's just listening. No special effort. Nothing particularly hard. Maybe relistening, if I feel like it, which I suppose could be slightly hard if I don't love the repetition lol. But sometimes I'm fine with it. Only chinese spoonfed ausio was hard cause i felt bored and couldnt motivate lol. In the big picture its quite fun study and fun to see progress just by having fun. It would be cool to see it pay off too, and make other audio books and audio dramas easier to listen to in the future.

7. Just kind of interesting to me. It kind of feels like being 7-8 and having my dad read stories to me, in that I follow the story but dont know all the words. Or like being a child watching a movie, like at age 4-5. A lot of kids watch their favorite movies like a hundred times, or for years straight, i did. Maybe the first times we watch movies as kids we dont understand all the words. Maybe we just get the gist, and love the story so much we keep watching it again and it gets clearer and thats probably exciting - to understand even more of our favorite movies as kids. Thats kind of what listening to an audiobook feels like now - hearing a story where i get the main idea gist, already know i love it, and so each time i understand a bit more its fun to realize im understanding more.