#i also need a title for the site as a whole i think so i can make a graphic for it hee hoo

[antirepurp]

my funny webbed site is taking shape and looking nice and im rapidly approaching the question of what the Fuck should i actually put on here

[maximumkillshot]

"I Can't Lose You" Part 6

Warnings: Aftermath of a miscarriage, descriptions of grief due to losing a baby, Angry Everyone, Death is mentioned, Wanting Death, Shock, Grief, PTSD Flashback, Panic, there is a parallel to a person jumping off a bridge (NOT ACTUALLY)

Pairing: Bangchan x Reader

Characters:  Stray Kids, Reader

A/N: Ok if you read the above, you'll notice that anger is in the warnings. This is the first half of a chapter that had me crying as I wrote it. This is something that you all need to take into consideration... I LOVE YOU GUYS AND I AM SORRY IN ADVANCE ONCE AGAIN. My asks are always open for you guys to vent about this one.

Also remember, this is a fanfic. All of the boys are so sweet IRL.

Stray Kids! Masterlist

Overall Masterlist

ALL WORK IS UNDER ME AND MY BLOG. DO NOT TRY TO REPUBLISH OR STEAL MY WORK, AS THAT IS COPYRIGHTED UNDER ME AND IS CONSIDERED COPYRIGHT INFRINGEMENT WHICH IS A PUNISHABLE OFFENSE. 

ANY WORK THAT YOU SEE ON OTHER SITES THAT ARE MY WORKS PLEASE NOTIFY ME IMMEDIATELY.

Previously:

He was mad at himself at those thoughts, Chris was so clearly into you so he used Bin’s insecurities against him… and it had worked. He thought about how all of this wouldn’t have happened and you and him would be happy together. That’s all he ever wanted for you. That was why he let you go in the first place. He wanted you to be happy.

After about half an hour of hushed talking, while Bin kept you relaxed, a set of footsteps walked down the hall. Just hearing them, Bin’s ears perked up. They had an authority to them, almost pompous in nature. Commanding… he knows those steps.

Now:

The minute Minho saw who it was entering the room his whole body went rigid, his hands in fists at his side as he got up and used his body to block whoever it was. He motioned for the boys to get closer to the bed. All of them standing, ready to jump. 

“Just let me talk to her,” Bin’s vision started getting blurry, on the verge of blacking out with rage. He looked down to you, very unbothered by the sudden voice that assaulted the tranquility of the room. The first tranquil moment you've had in months. Months of your husband hiding and sneaking. And months of you planning and working excitedly making every detail perfect. 

Bin made a split-second decision to lightly cover your ear that wasn't to his chest. Trying to prolong the inevitable. 

Next up was Han as he said in a hushed tone, “she’s finally asleep. You are not coming in this room, Chris.” His tone was dark and that one sentence rolled off of his tongue like a warning. 

“She’s my wife. I am going to see her whether you like it or not.” He sounded annoyed. Like this was an inconvenience. Bin did everything in the book to calm his heart, which was starting to spike at just hearing his voice. 

Bin went on an internal tirade, how dare he come here? Killing your child wasn't enough? Making you so stressed out that you almost bled to death wasn't enough? Ripping your heart out and trampling it… not enough for him? NOOO let's show up when it's convenient, when no one expects it, playing the 'husband' card. When Bin knew he CLEARLY gave up that title already. 

Especially when you did everything to be available for him. When he started to pull away you came to Bin and Han in tears, not knowing what to do. You love him so much that you actively went to find out what it was. Was it your weight? Did you talk too much or not enough? Did you ask for too much? Did you seem too boring? He has already been enough of a plague on your life already. 

Minho giggled darkly, “You really want to die today, huh? Did you not hear Han, she’s resting. Now go away.” 

“Not until I see her.” His voice raised slightly. The bite in his voice made Minho want to strangle him, to be honest. He doesn’t have any entitlement to you. Especially after what he’s done. As far as what Minho thinks, Chris was never your husband. No husband neglects their wife. No husband makes their wife lay awake at night, worried about if he had eaten or not, or if she’d even see him when she woke up. 

That was enough for you to stir on Bin’s chest. Bin had to think quickly as he said "It's okay, go to sleep, Angel. I'm here," in the most delicate whisper. That was enough to knock you out again, humming against his chest. 

Chris pulled back the curtain, even though Han and Minho tried their best to get him away. At that point, I.N, who was the closest to Chan, blocked him from your bedside.

“Get away from her.” He whispered, “She’s too fragile right now.”

Chris just looked at I.N. and said, “No one is keeping me from my wife, you’re lucky I even went along with it for this long. I’m not going to wake her.”

The venom in Chan's voice made the hair on Bin’s neck and arms raise. Not out of fear, no he could snap Chris in half if he was pissed off enough. His hair raised out of anger and knowing he couldn't do anything about it. The fact that Chan had the audacity to come into that room after what he did, knowing that you are fragile. That you barely made it out, and even now, you aren’t completely out. Yet there he was trying to force himself in. Like he had a right to be there, even though he was the one that caused it. 

I.N looked at Han and Han signaled him to let it go. 

Han knew that he was right, none of them had spousal rights. So technically Chris can kick them out, especially because she is still so weak, she can’t fend for herself or be able to sternly say ‘get out’ to her husband, not without consequences. They had no other choice. 

Bin looked at Chan as he took a seat next to the bed, taking in your sleeping form. His heart was breaking at seeing how weak you looked. Your cheeks were slightly sunken in and your face was completely pale. The dark circles dominated your eyes, making your face look more like a mummy as opposed to a living breathing person. He looked at your arm with a blood bag hooked to it. When he looked up at Bin he could see that it took everything in Bin’s body not to kill him.

Bin just mouthed to him, “What the fuck are you doing here, get out.” The more that he looked at Chan the more he wanted to rip him apart. He looked well rested, smelled like he showered, hell he even did his hair. That pissed Changbin off. You’d think that he would at least look more disheveled. Given, he could see that he did look worried and sad. He didn’t look guilty. 

Chris just ignored him and kept looking at you. Chris was transfixed on you. He was even more transfixed by your hold on Changbin. You looked like you were cuddling your favorite teddy bear. He remembered the last time you held him like that. Yesterday morning, when he came home to sleep for two hours, the minute the bed dipped you subconsciously reached for him, and he slightly rolled his eyes as he succumbed to his fate, smile on his face. You sighed so happily, you mumbled, ‘Mhmm missed you, love you,’ as you kissed his bare chest, and just like you’re positioned now, you were asleep. Now seeing you holding Bin like that makes jealousy more prominent in his mind. 

It makes him sick to think about all of this as he plays with his wedding ring, thinking about not feeling you again, your hugs, your breath on his skin. The moans that’d he pull out of you, soothing his soul. The looks that’d make his heart stop. The giggle that’d be forced out even if you were mad. Not having the feeling of your skin on his, these thoughts make him want to die. He’s trying to actively ignore it. He’s trying to ignore the fact that he did something so disgusting, so unforgivable that he lost you. For him, it’s easier to be angry, angry and convinced that you’ll come back. That’s why he is doing what he is doing. That’s why he walked with bravado into that room.

He went to put some hair behind your ear just to have some contact and I.N’s hand flew out and wrapped his hand around his wrist. His jaw set. Bin wanted to do the exact same but it’d jolt you.  

I.N. growled “No.. touching… get out of the room,” his brows furrowed, his usually soft eyes looking more like a piercing gaze. 

Being the maknae, he has never challenged Chan before… At all. There’s a good reason as to why he is challenging him right now. Innah has always felt like he was awkward. He didn’t really know where he belonged in the team. Yes, he has a good voice and yes he’s good with choreography but he never really hung out with people other than Seungmin and Felix. 

You being the person you are, you figured it out. He was watching one day, just seeing all of the members interacting, some of the older ones trying to bring him into the fold but it seemed ingenuine to him. Like he was the little brother that had to be included or Dad would get mad. You truly found the things that he loved interesting, really talked to him, and made him feel safe and welcomed. 

There was one particularly hard night for him. Nothing went right that day and he was tired, frustrated, and needed to feel safe. He didn’t know where to go or who to go to. So he called you without knowing why. You picked up and the minute he heard your voice he started crying. You ran to his dorm. No one else was home, and of course, Chan was nowhere in sight. So you stood with him, talked, and cooked a midnight dinner with him. Got him to laugh, you both passed out on the couch after watching some anime.

After that night that no one knows about except the boys in the Danceracha house, I.N. was just like Hyunjin, except he’d do drive-by hugs, sometimes just falling on you giggling and looking for hugs and head scratches, like the fox he is. There were other times when he would just stand behind you, put his chin on the top of your head and say, “What are we doing here Y/N/N…. I am BORED” as he’d flop on you, “Let’s get Ramyeon.” You’d laugh and say, “How about this… you get through today… and Ramyeon’s on me.” He still smiles at those memories.

So of course, I.N. would fight King Kong if he had to if it meant protecting you. 

Now, seeing Jeongin doing this, standing up to Chan, just to protect you, his Noona,  made everyone that wasn’t Chan smile. 

Chan stood up to his full height and said, “I just want to be here for her,” with a tight lip at the challenge of the maknae of his team. Chan can’t take the disrespect anymore. Even though he knows that he more than deserves to be treated like this and worse, he is still in that limbo of trying to convince himself that this didn’t actually happen or worse, that he can fix it.

Bin felt your grip tighten on him…

You said to yourself that you didn’t just hear that voice. You squeezed your eyes shut as you wiggled up a bit to bury your face into Bin's neck. You didn’t want the boys to see you cry. 

The cologne you just smelled when you were on Bin's chest, that was Chan’s cologne. The voice you just heard, that was Chan’s voice. There was a war going on in your head. Do you talk to him? Can you talk to him? What do you say? What does HE have to say?

“Y/N?” Chan said as his body snapped to you. Seeing you now burrowed into Bin’s neck and chest. 

It made the jealousy that he had before start to boil. That’s his wife, after all. Chan was your safety. He was the one you run to, not Changbin, of all people. Why does he fit so well next to you? Why does the feeling of you slipping away elicit anger at others, not himself? Why did he see you buried in Bin’s neck and not his own? It felt to him like someone was touching his favorite toy without permission. Why did she go to Bin for comfort and not him? 

“Y/N, Baby?” He asked a little louder…

“Stop calling me that,” you responded to him, muffled by Bin’s neck as you cried in your own dark cocoon, that was what you imagined when in Bin’s neck. Surrounded by him, he’d never let anyone near close. He was your safety bubble. 

Bin just moved his hand up to pet your hair back as you fought with yourself. 

The only one who knew you were crying was Bin, who felt your tears on his neck. They felt like acid on his skin, he could feel the pain through them, the fear, the rejection, the grief. He hated seeing or feeling you cry. The fact that you were comfortable enough to trust him with your fragility was the only solace in this for him. He knew that no one could protect you more than he could. That’s exactly what he’s going to do, protect you. 

“I’ve got you,” He whispered as he turned his face into you, trying to hide as much of your face as he could, to give you more shelter to cry in. He hated that you had to go through this. You would think that for even one second his bonehead bandmate would put his own ego aside for just one fucking day to give you the room you desperately needed. It’s not even like he could make the excuse of thinking that you are going through it alone. It’s clear that you aren’t, Bin always took care of you. Sometimes Chan thought that it was the perfect deal for himself. He was married to you, so obviously you wouldn’t betray him, and Bin was so in love with you that he’d move Heaven and Earth for you. So Chan being distracted was never the issue, Bin was always there. In his head Bin was like a Knight protecting the Queen in a chess game. The king doesn’t have to worry about the Queen. 

Bin’s tone with you was gentle,“You tell me to get him out and that’s exactly what we’re going to do.” His face read danger, eyes never leaving Chris.

You really didn’t know what to do. You are at a loss really. You just got about half an hour in nearly 30+ hours of being awake. One thing you do know is that you are feeling your pain uptick at the thought of leaving Bin’s neck. 

“Please, let me talk to you,” Chris pleaded with you. He tried to touch you.

Jeongin stopped him again, gripping his wrist. His grip was bruising in strength this time, “She did not say you could touch her. So you are keeping your hand to yourself. Either that or I rip it off, understand?”

Bin’s jaw was tight, if Chris made one more move, Bin was going to gently switch out with Seungmin, just to murder Chris, then switch out again so you could sleep, very simple. 

“At least let me see your face, Baby,” Chris said as he yanked his hand from I.N’s grip. 

Then you spoke again… your tone now carrying an authoritative air, “I told you not to call me that fucking name. I heard it enough when you were fucking her in our bed. Take that name and shove it, Chris.” 

“As for seeing my face, you don’t deserve to see it after what you did to me. Neither of you deserve to see my face.”

“Give us the room,” Chan ordered. He was doing his best to keep his composure and to try to gauge how much control he lost of the group. He is very much aware of the fact that the power dynamic has changed. Chan knows that they don’t even respect him, let alone trust him. Another thing that he knows is that he would feel the same way.

He’s also embarrassed, not at what he’s done but at the fact that his members found out. The fact that he was caught with his pants down, both literally and figuratively. The fact that his members watched him do something so amoral was something that he was pissed off about. Not as much at the fact that he had no moral compass, but it was the fact that they reacted the way they did. They screamed at him, Chris, Bang Chan, their elder. They challenged his authority left and right. The fact that they’re rebelling only added fuel to the fire. He wanted, needed to get control back. 

As far as he was concerned, this was all something that he could come back from. You love him, right? So obviously you’ll come back. You sunk 5 years into him, of course you’ll be back. There was far too many decent memories for you to check out now. You’re hurt, demoralized, angry, yes. However, knowing the peacekeeper you are, you’ll be back, he knows it. Why can’t they see that, why can’t they fight for him just as hard as they are fighting for you. Why can’t they get their noses out of his marriage and watch some K-Drama like they always do instead of driving a wedge further in between himself and his wife. 

The frustration alone made him want to lose his composure. Everyone has their role, that is something he is an avid believer in. To you, Chan is the protector, he’s the one to chase all the bad things away, he is your husband. Changbin is your friend, nothing more. So it drove Chan crazy to see you relax in Bin’s arms. 

He felt like Bin had no business in a bed with you. It being completely lost on him that he did the same thing, but worse with his wife’s best friend. Bin is not there to sexually gratify you, he is there to hold whatever’s left of you together. 

Bin is trying desperately to reassure you, to look at all of your broken pieces and help you, to let you know that he won’t let Chris close enough to hurt you again. 

When Chris ordered everyone to give him the room, not one person moved a muscle. All they did was look at you, waiting for an answer. 

Bin whispered to you, “Do you want us to leave?” Internally he was praying that you wouldn’t want him to go. He as well as the rest of the boys don’t trust Chris as far as they can throw him. 

You shook your head, “Can’t take it.” You knew that there would be no way that you could have this conversation alone, you’d be right back to square one. If you were honest there isn’t a way you can see this going well. You are still really weak. You can’t do much of anything at all yet, even needing help shifting in your own bed. Not to mention the person who did it to you is demanding an audience with you like you didn’t just go through a near-death experience and is barking orders at your boys. You couldn’t even scream at him for that. 

Bin looked at the boys and said, “We aren’t going anywhere, Y/N’s orders.”

With that all of the boys had a seat, smiles on their faces as if to say try us, we dare you. 

Chan’s face turned hard at that. It was worse than he thought… Not only did he lose control, he handed all of it over to you on a silver platter. Chan is an A personality type. He is very particular, one of those places he’s particular about is that he is the Alpha. He is the leader, the spearhead. So for everyone to do this, made him not only mad, but scared. He isn’t used to not being in control. That made his tone harsh as he barked,“Look, I know that you are in pain and I know that you don’t even want to see me right now, but we need to talk in private.”

Immediately I.N. bristled and took a step to him, Minho getting up and claiming the bottom half of the bed, looming on the post of it, glaring at Chan.

Felix growled, “Watch your tone, you aren’t the one calling the shots, Chris.” as he bore daggers into Chris’ forehead, standing at the ready. 

You didn’t respond and Chan said something that made your blood boil,something he knew you couldn’t ignore, “It was mine too.”

It..IT?! Your heart cracked again as you left your cocoon, “IT?!” You raised your voice. You winced at the pain the movement caused. “MY child was not an IT… THEY WERE HERE CHRIS.” You grabbed your stomach, feeling your diaphragm scream at you to be quiet, your abdominals agreeing full-heartedly. “YOU gave up ANY parentage by fucking someone else when we were trying to have a baby for TWO FUCKING YEARS!”

“WHAT?!” Han exclaimed. Han started to see red, yet again… Han thought to himself, They were trying to have a baby for 2 years?!. Han looked briefly at everyone else, their faces set in the same murderous stare that resided on Han. 

Meanwhile, Bin didn’t let that sink in, he was too busy noticing you started looking slightly confused and woozy. Whatever little color you had was turning more grey by the second.

“Y/N you need to breathe,” Bin tried to remind you. He tried his best to guide you back down but you weren't having it. Your anger taking control. He had a sinking feeling as his own heartrate picked up.

You thought for a few minutes and said, “I still can’t believe it, you know? It’s like last night was a horrible nightmare but, the pain, the blood… It really happened. My baby is really gone.” A stray tear ran down your face, “I don’t want to believe it. It hurts too much. But my body knows. It feels different. I don’t know what to do with that. I don’t… I can’t…”

Bin was watching your heart rate, the last time you tried to revisit this, you had to be sedated and apparently, Han is thinking the same thing. He looked at the monitors and got a bad feeling. 

“I just wanted to surprise you, to show you how much I love you! To let you know that I am there for you and you repay me by emotionally cheating on me with my BEST FRIEND for a YEAR and physically cheating for two whole months?! NOW YOU WANT A PRIVATE CONVERSATION?! How is this for a private conversation.” You felt your body starting to fail again. The rage coursing through you is the only thing keeping you aware of your surroundings. 

Chan went to look away, he couldn’t see you hurting this much. He couldn’t come to the realization that he did this to you. You screamed with what little energy you had , “LOOK AT ME YOU FUCKING COWARD!” as you held your stomach, trying to control the new waves of pain.

When he looked at you, you said, “Here’s a little private conversation for you. I’m granting your wish. You said to her ‘I can’t wait to leave her’... Guess what?” You gritted out, “I’m leaving you!” you started spiraling back into what happened not even a full 24 hours ago at repeating his sentence back to him. Hearing those same words in your head, seeing the blood, the reality of it once again slamming into you like it did before. 

The minute that last sentence left your lips, the world slowed down for Chris. He saw everything, the wedding, the laughs you both had. Even the simple things like how whenever he got up, which was always well before you woke up; he’d stare at you, brushing your cheekbones with his knuckles. Watching your peaceful form and marveling at how effortlessly gorgeous you are. Now as he watches you, seeing the shreds of you that were left, he had a realization. He realized all at once that the person he loves and has always loved is dead. She’s dead, along with his child, because of him.

You started staring off tears freely falling, “I just want my baby… Bin, I want my baby.” 

Your heart rate started climbing fast as you stared at your lap, seeing blood that wasn’t there anymore, then blinking and it disappearing, your face began to show distress, as tears started falling, and your mouth opened letting out rapid puffs of air. Bin looked at Han and yelled at him, "Get the nurses, go!" The next second Han ran out the door as the alarms went off on the monitors. 

Bin looked at you and said, “Hey look at me, stay here with me, Angel.” Then he looked at Minho and said, “Clear the room. Get Chan out of her NOW!” Minho immediately started getting everyone up and out of the room as fast as possible. 

Chris slowly backed up until he hit the wall,everything moving in slow motion. He looked at the monitor, seeing your ungodly fast heart rate. The fact that you could die right now from a heart attack made him want to collapse to his knees and start praying. Chris was watching how Bin handled you, tears were starting to sting in his eyes. He was shaking, feeling the gold of his wedding band as he watched a man who was so much more than he could be. How delicate he was with you. Why did I do this? 

He was staring at your face, he could see it, the heartbreak. He wanted to help, to take all of it back. Flashes of memories flickered in his mind. All of the opportunities he had to be with you but chose not to. All of the times that you would try to save him from himself, even if it was as simple as reminding him to eat. He’d yell at you and tell you that he was a grown up. I’m not grown. You’d remind him to get up and stretch, to be present in the now.  You always tried to connect to him, always tried to soothe him, always tried to bridge the gap he put in between the both of you. His heart felt like lead, sinking further. His voice, his legs, his body didn’t move. It was Innah who dragged him out of the room by the collar.

Bin looked back at you, “Y/N…” He could see, you were completely dissociated. 

You weren’t responding to him at all, eyes glazed over as your heart rate kept climbing, you were glancing around, clearly confused. What he didn’t know is that you felt everything at once. You could hear him like he was underwater. Your vision was blurry, and you really couldn’t feel anything aside from the pain in your chest at the thought of anything, because you felt guilty.

“Angel, look at me, try to breathe for me. Come back to me.” 

“They should be here, not me. My baby didn’t deserve that Binnie. I want to hold my baby!” You screamed, “I want to take them a bath, feed them, I want my Baby.”

Bin realized then that it’s the reality that’s so painful. Everything that was around you reminded you of the fact that you were living and your child wasn’t. He could see the pain on your face as he gently held your face, trying to get through to you. “I know you want to hold your baby, I want that too. I want that so badly but I can’t give you your baby, that can’t happen. No one can bring your baby back, Angel.” Tears were rolling down his face at seeing you like this. Your eyes were constantly searching as more tears fell from them, he tried to wipe the tears away as fast as they rolled down your cheeks.

 Bin got behind you, caging you with his arms and chest. He pulled you flush to his chest and ran his hands up and down your arms as he slowly rocked you. He was trying to provide enough stimulation to get you back to being able to self-regulate. You were only getting worse as he watched helplessly. He tilted your head back to see you spiraling further down, “Binnie help me. I want my baby please.” You just wanted to let it consume you already. 

You quaked as you wished out loud, screaming without even knowing it, “Please, just let me die, let me go, I want my Baby.” You knew it was the pain, but at this point, not having your child was worse than death. You screamed without fighting anymore. Sometimes the seconds would stretch as you screamed till no air was left to make a noise. Those sobs made you feel like your chest was in a car crusher. You couldn’t stop them no matter how hard you tried, but in your mind, there was no point in stopping them. 

Changbin’s blood ran cold hearing you say that, feeling as if he got dunked in an ice bath. He choked on his own breath as he did his best to try to get his own voice to work. You may not want to be here right now, but he’s going to make sure that you make it. He looked into your eyes and they were completely dilated, you just lay on Bin’s chest as you made the decision. You were done fighting, the pain was too much. Bin felt it, he could feel the fight leave you as you went limp, crying. 

He knows this feeling… this was the same feeling that he felt when you were losing consciousness. His gaze snapped to your eyes, no fight, no struggle. You looked like you were calling out to Death. You wanted it so badly. What was worse was that Death was answering, he could feel it in the room. Cold, dark, and looming. 

His body went into overdrive, the shock melting into panic. He wasn’t going to let Death take you, “Han hurry up, she's slipping!” He screamed at the door. His scream didn’t sound like him. The sound akin to a bystander watching a loved one jump from a bridge. Watching the body disappear all because of one step. He couldn’t wouldn’t let you fall. He screamed as if he dove for your hand, the same hand that fits so perfectly in his, as you threatened to disappear over the ledge of that bridge.

Bin got closer to your ear, so you could hear him better, “Please don’t say that. I know it hurts, just stay with me, hold on. I’m here. Stay with me. You can’t leave me here, please.” Changbin tilted your head, so you could hear his heartbeat. Subconsciously thinking, If you go I go. He gently wrapped his arm across your breastbone, trying to provide some soothing pressure to your chest. His hand resting on your opposite arm, rubbing the meat of it in a soothing pattern. His other hand was petting your hair. The hold he had you in gave you someone to hold on to. As soon as his forearm rested you wrapped your hands around it, grabbing his hand as you dangled on the ledge.

“Binnie it hurts, pleaseee. Help me, it hurtss.” You sobbed, your voice cracking and breaking, a mirror of your soul. Bin continued to slowly rock you, “I know Angel, I know I want to take it away. Just hold on for me. Hold on to me.” He had no idea how he was able to be calm for you. A part of him knew that he needed to. He was not going to collapse so you could face all of this on your own. He refused. He needed to fight for you, and he would, for eternity if he had to.

------------------------------------------------------------------------

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[dogtoling]

General life- and blog update , since I assume at least a few people might have been wondering where I've been and what i've been up to recently. I obviously haven't been posting or drawing much this year in general. This will probably be an important post if you care about stuff on this blog, and I already rambled on Sheezy, but that site isn't very populated yet and it's also very good at hiding journals so let's just ramble again...

The summary of this post if you hate reading: I'm heavily considering just stepping away from Splatoon. That decision obviously would affect this blog (mostly, my OCs, which is kinda most of the blog at this point). I don't think the blog itself will go anywhere, and I'll probably use it for something in the future... alternatively i'll cherry pick stuff from here into an archive for people who like the worldbuilding.

Longer post under cut:

So what have I been up to this year? The answer is quite simple: NOTHING. Like, actually absolutely nothing. Aside from Art Fight, this has probably been one of my worst art output years of all time, which is really frustrating. That's between my horrendous mental health and depression chasms this year and a complete lack of both focus and inspiration (which can also get chalked down to the depression to a degree, yeah). So the very real reason to why there hasn't been much activity on this blog this year is because I just haven't Done Anything in general.

Now because I know there will be a few people who think "that's fine! you shouldn't judge yourself based on productivity!" you're right! I also agree. However the issue for me specifically is that most (if not all) the time I spend NOT drawing or creating, I spend sitting around wishing I could start drawing or creating, because that is like the 1 thing that keeps me sane on this freaking earth. Unfortunately coming up with OC scenarios in my head doesn't really result in output I can feel fulfilled by in any form as much as I wish it did, lol.

Now; The Issue. It doesn't take a genius to see that if you spend 9 months trying to finish like a dozen OC pages that you COULD do in a week or 2 if you wanted to, then there's probably more than just the problem of executive dysfunction (even though that's at least 60% of it for sure). Obviously my other major problem is that I live by imaginary rules and structures that make sense, but aren't actually useful at ALL in reality and are more than a hindrance if anything (the mental to do-list in my head that says i can't do X until I've done Y doesn't do very much if task Y takes 10 months and I also don't want to do it, and it also has no structured ending).

How does this tie into stepping away from Splatoon, you may ask. Well, the issue is that I have foreseeably fallen out of love with the series. Which isn't exactly news lol. Currently, I'm not even sure i will get the next game, if and when the time comes. Yes, the loss of interest is also expected, given that Splatoon 3 has ended and every fandom has this kind of downtime and lukewarm in-between-titles period. But the truth is that modern Splatoon (almost 10 years old!!!!) is tangibly different from the way the series was back when I fell in love with it. That was Splatoon 1, and while the series has improved in a lot of aspects and is thriving, it's grown in a direction that I just don't really like. Splatoon 3 had the most freaking horrendous, immersion breaking story mode they could've done, then they followed it up with a DLC story that was pretty cool but also compounded a lot of my fears about the series' future and played into every single thing i do not want Splatoon stories to be - fully character focused, random fucking villain, mundane event that's unrealistically world-threatening just because a kids video game needs a scary climax even though it's immersion breaking AGAIN, the whole thing taking place in cyberspace and thus offering basically no worldbuilding even though there is SO MUCH WORLD. I COULD GO ON.

The gist of it is that nowadays, rather than playing Splatoon and being inspired and excited at what comes next, I mostly find myself dreading what dumbass plot they will do next to throw a wrench in the otherwise good stuff. And when that's like THE main approach I have to what's supposed to be my favorite series, it is HARROWING. I can't even really blame the game for this; the story is NOT its selling point, the developers probably do their best to get the bits to us that they really want to tell, and at the end of the day the game is unfortunately a product. Worldbuilding for Splatoon is fun to a point. It's less fun when in order to actually write or create something coherent, instead of filling in the blanks, the blanks are 90% of the freaking thing. At that point you're just better off making something of your own instead of being anchored onto an IP that gives more problems than answers and occasionally shoots you with like a machine gun. Working in the realm of Splatoon is frustrating because more often than not, the questions I have ARE NOT MINE TO ANSWER, and the likelihood that the specific-ass questions I need answers to will ever be actually addressed is really low.

Tying this back to my OCs. Obviously I love my OCs more than I love myself which admittedly isn't that high of a bar but you get the point. The problem is that I spend a lot of time mulling over worldbuilding that, again, frankly isn't mine to do. Because if I want it to be Splatoon, then it should be mostly accurate to how Splatoon is! But the problem with that is that there's really not THAT MUCH worldbuilding in the series that you can work with, and most of the core game mechanics are just abstract enough that it's actually horrendous to try and come up with workarounds and ways for things to make sense that don't require just constructing a full knockoff version mirror dimension of the game and saying fuck everything that's in place here because Inkopolis Plaza literally has no roads in or out of there and I have no fucking idea how that's allowed when your only option is to jump the fence (or, nowadays, take the train which also isnt connected to a street as far as I remember). Between the face value issue and the lack of REALLY IMPORTANT worldbuilding, like - I will always come back to this - THE INK TANK'S FUNCTION 10 YEARS DOWN THE LINE - there's a goddamn ocean of plot holes and things that end up being obstacles to creativity rather than inspiration. I feel like I'm pretty solidly at the point (and have been for a while) where hanging onto Splatoon is really only contributing to creativity block and frustration with lack of freedom and the ability to actually do things.

So I guess those are my reasonings that I've put together just sitting here for the time being. The TL;DR is that I wish I could just do stuff without Splatoon's canon getting in the way, which is a really stupid problem to have if you're making Splatoon OCs. I feel this frustration extremely strongly every time I have to work with actual bigger aspects of the world; we still don't have an Inkopolis map, we don't know what the world around Inkopolis looks like, we don't know what the wilderness is like aside from Just Normal Forest and Desert and very few snippets as to what modern wildlife MIGHT be, I still don't know how the fuck the Inklings teleport to the goddamn arctic ocean to play a turf war at Shipshape Cargo co. These are all actually really important things if you're trying to establish a setting in any kind of storytelling that's outside of immediate city bounds (and even there, you need to know the layout of the city and its important areas). Also a fucking mutant bear and a baby salmon and a squid not wearing suitable gear went to space and fought on a rocket in space. These are some things that would give me peace of mind to not have to deal with in my own writing, probably.

So where do we go from here? Unsure. I haven't really made a decision on this front yet, though right now I'm leaning more towards actually going ahead with trying to do my own thing. That will result in obvious design and setting changes for my OCs whenever I get around to it. This blog probably won't go anywhere (again, unless I impulse delete it during a mood swing like i've almost done on like three separate occasions this year), but it will probably get less use, and I will probably end up making a new blog to post about whatever I end up doing once I get to a point where it feels like it makes sense. There's a chance that I will delete this blog and put all the interesting stuff on an archive blog for the people who are here just for the worldbuilding. My actual true passion for a long time now hasn't even been Splatoon anymore, it's just been cephalopods. I'm kind of done having Splatoon get in the way of the cephalopods, as thankful as I am that it introduced me to them...

If you read this to the end heres a treat for you = 🍪

[satoriswife]

Kuroo Tetsurou x F!Reader

Title: “oh yeah?”

Enemies to lovers.

AGED UP (18-19)

Chapter 4

Chapter 1 , 2 ,3

Each night after gym clean up,you would always go on late night walks to clear your head.

But this time.You had company.

Kuroo told you it was dangerous to go out of the school site this late.So he said he’d be a gentleman and keep you company ‘since you have no friends.’

“You really didn’t have to come.” You say walking a bit ahead of him.It was awkward okay and it has been since yesterday. The calling him ‘Tetsu’ to ‘running after each other’ to ‘being on the floor together.’ It was too weird.

“Like I said ‘You need company.’” He says catching up with you. And so you both walked for half an hour in silence .

Until the street got abit too dark for your liking.There was something in the alleyway to your left and you could just barely see that shape of a dog.

“Uhh.Kuroo is that big dog on a leash?” You whisper frozen,tugging his jacket to get his attention.

The dog begins to move closer, like it was preparing to pounce.Kuroo squints and you watch as panic takes over his features. “Shit!”

He grabs your hand and bolts towards the direction of the busy street.The dog barks viciously loud.Until you both realise it is infact on a leash and is like a whole 10 m away from you.

You both run anyway laughing at how blind you were.You run until you reach a brightly lit ramen shop.

“Wanna eat?”You ask him letting go of the hand you realised was still intertwined with his.

“You asking me out on a date?” He smirks.

“Omg Suit yourself” You say walking into the shop.You pick up your favourite ramen pot and pay for it and after preparing it you begin to eat.

“Can’t believe you made me run that much.” Kuroo says sitting beside you by the window. “I make you run anyways Im in charge of all warmup and drills?” You reply raising a brow.

“But after practice? You made me run.”

“I didn’t make you do that,if anything thats your fault,you decided to ‘keep me company’ or whatever you said”

“Well yeah..cuz Im a gentleman.”

“God just Shut up.” You laugh nudging his shoulder with yours. “And also you faked not seeing a leash,you just wanted to hold my hand.”

He pauses and smirks. “And if I did.”

“Didn’t see you as the type to like PDA.”

“Wasn’t really affection if we were panicking and running from a dog.”

————————————

You make it back to school not to late, Kuroo yawns incredibly loud making you roll your eyes.

“Oh sorry,didn’t know baby Kuroo had early bed times? You going to bed now baby??” You pout and make a crying gesture with your hand.

He blushes slightly at the nickname, he knows its not in that context but it still makes him feel like he’s going insane.

“yes we all have to go to bed at this time remember and also thats highly inappropriate Miss manager.” He whispers opening the door to the sleeping rooms.

“Blush says otherwise.”

“Whatever go to bed.” He says lying down quickly.“Yea yea I will goodnight Tetsu.” You say lying down beside him,purposely tugging the blanket.

“Night Yn..” He says after a few seconds.He was so confusedd.Weren’t you guys supposes to hate each other? So why did it feel like he needed it to be his mission to walk with you every night from now on.He wanted you…safe? Close? He wanted to be able to hear you laugh.Maybe… even hold your soft hand again.

———————————————————

You were in light conversation with Yachi as she spoke about planning a costume themed birthday party once camp was over. You weren’t the biggest party goer but it was yachi and you loveddd Yachi so you would consider it.

“It will be so fun!! Just imagine how pretty we all would look!! I wanted to have a big party, so I was thinking of inviting your whole team?”

“Omggg how funnn!Text me details later yeah?” She nods happily and looks around at everyone gathered for morning announcements.Her eyes scan to Fukurodanis manager.

“Hey YN why is your boyfriend getting up close and personal with Kaori?”

“What boyfriend?”

“Kuroo?” She says pointing in his direction.He notices.They weren’t so far away afterall.

He grins,you haven’t found where she’s pointing at yet so he takes the opportunity to place an arm around Kaori’s shoulder.Cracking a few unfunny jokes here and there.

Yachi grabs your face and turns it in the right direction and you wish she hadn’t because what...It makes your stomach churn and makes you grit your teeth.Makes you want to respectfully pull hair ponytail.

You dont know why.You didn’t like him like that.But the way she was leaning into him and snickering made you want to roll your eyes.

Watching them felt sowrong,but the moment he side eyes you making it look like he’s making sure your watching made you scoff hard. “Hes doing it on purpose.” You almost laugh.

“If he wants to do things like that, then let me do the same.”

———————————————————

It was a Karasuno vs Nekoma match today.Perfect day to be talking to Daichi.Am I right?

You had a couple minutes before the match,and you wanted to talk to him about the party Yachi had told you about.

“Whats up Captain Daichi.”

“Oh Yn havent spoken to you since day 1!Hows managing going?”

“They’re a tough group of boys to handle but Im pushing through.” You laugh.

“Im sure you’re doing amazing.” He smiles and ruffles your hair making you turn away to hide your slight blush.Fortunately,as you do so,your eyes lock with Rooster head.His face is blank but the tight grip on his waterbottle gives everything away.

You smirk but return to your conversation with Karasunos Captain.“So you going to Yachis costume party.”

“Im not really a big party fan but since Yachi asked so nicely i might.”

“yes omg thats exactly what I said to myself.Yachi is such a sweet girl.”

“Yeaa not my type though.” He jokes,and you nudge his arm with yours and you laugh.Just like how you did it to Kuroo the other night in the ramen store. “How is that even relevant plus she’s still a first year!Don’t be weird.”

You look over to your Uncle Nekomata as he yells at everyone on Nekomas side to gather round him.

“Oh gtg.Ill speak to you later yeah!!” You say running to stand next to coach.

“Okayy drill time.Since Nekoma prides itself on defense…” you start and explain how it works.They all nod and soon after a few more drills the match begins.

During their first break, you began handing out everyone’s drinks not Kuroo though,Kaori can get that for him.

“where’s mine?” He says bluntly

“ You’re capable of getting it yourself .”You reply just as dry.

“So is everyone else ?why Is it any different for me?”

You shrug “because it’s you.” You whisper under your breath,walking away to talk to Kenma and Lev.

—

The game begins again not long after.When Nekoma finally took the second set, Kuroo turned to you with a shit-eating grin and waltzed right up to the bench you were sat at

“Not bad huh?” His tone was full of confidence, like he already knew the answer(which he was completely wrong about) “Bet you’re glad to have me as your captain now.”

You rolled your eyes not impressed. “Glad? Please you could easily be replaced.”

He raises a brow as if saying ‘oh really’

“Mhm.I mean Daichi’s looking pretty solid today, don’t you think?”

Kuroo’s smile drops immediately at the name. “Oh so that’s how it is?” His tone became…. Possessive.

You shrug , now biting back a smile. “I mean he’s got great leadership skills..He’s also real dependable.”

“I’m dependable.”

“You’re annoying.”

“ I am, am I? Fucking say it again.” He says his voice lower as he steps extremely close.The look in his eyes was daring.Challenging.

But you weren’t gonna let him win this one so easily.So you step close like he did, just enough that your breath ghosted against his collarbone.You watch his smirk falter.

“I said.You’re.Annoying.”

Before he could bite back another reply you give him your sweetest smile. “Focus on the game ,Cap.” You turn,throwing him one last glance over. “Wouldn’t want Daichi to outshine you,right?”

Kuroo clicked his tongue.You could tell you got under his skin, but he got under yours too.

He couldn’t wait. He grabs you, throwing you over his shoulder, you squeal and try to get out of his grasp.

“put me down.What the Hell-”

He does as you say but now you’re alone in a secluded area of the hallway, he barely gives you enough time to steady yourself before you’re backed into the wall. “Why are you being extra bratty today Yn? Hm? Bringing up Daichi all the time.”

“Maybe I just appreciate Daichi’s leadership.” This made Kuroos jaw clench. “What Captain?Can’t handle a bit of competition?” Your smirk widens.

“I can handle it just fine, but not when it’s my manager flirting with the enemy like I’ve said many times before..”

“Oh so I’m the problem?” You search his eyes and speak up again. “What about you and Kaori?you were quite cosy with each other this morning.”

Kuroo freezes remembering how he put an arm around her to make you…jealous.

Bingo guess it worked.

“Thought I wouldn’t notice hm? Laughing with her ? ‘Oh Kaori am I making you laugh?Look at my sexy arm wrapped around your shoulder’.”

“Look who’s the jealous one now?” He says tilting his head.You’re cheeks burned. “That’s not the point though is it.”

“So you are jealous?”

You poke his chest glaring up at him. “And you’re not? Admit it. It pisses you off when I talk to or talk about any boy who isn’t you.”

Nothing could prepare you for what happens next. It’s all so heated.So fast.

He grabs your neck pulling you into his lips making you whine at the sudden force.You’re hands find home on his chest before they slide up to tug on his bib.

In between the sound of kisses he whispers against you. “No matter how many boys you throw yourself at or talk to, we both know that I’m the only one that can get you all bothered and worked up like this.The only one who can kiss you like this.”

“Shut the fuck up.” You say grabbing the back of his neck and pulling him down again,laying all your frustrations into this kiss.

After pulling away his hands are now rubbing circles on your waist having you still pinned against the wall.

“You’re a jerk.” You say with your hands in his hair.

“So, what did you think of the kiss?” He grins.

“You mean the one where you were being an annoying,possessive ass?”

“You seemed pretty into it.” He shrugs, trying to act unbothered but his heart was banging against his chest.

You scowl, jabbing at him. “You kissed me out of nowhere-”

“You kissed me back.For someone who hates me, you sure were-”

“Finish that sentence and die.”

Kuroo chuckles shoving his hands in his pocket.

“You’re cute.”

“I hate you.”

“Mhmm sure you do.”

You groan turning away to go back to the gym.But then..

“Hey Yn.Just let me know when you wanna do it again.”

Your in shock,you didnt turn but you smirk to yourself.

“Will do baby.”

Now hes the one shocked.

What has he got himself into?

Fuck.

—————————————————

A/n:well damn.I think two more chapters to go? But we will see if i end up writing more.

Taglist anyone ?

[itstheendofthegoddamnworld]

Swallowed Whole by The Flame (Messmer the Impaler x Tarnished! Reader) 7

MASTERLIST

PREVIOUS | NEXT

Summary: In the Keep now as a guest rather than a prisoner, the Tarnished gets used to her new surroundings.

A/N: Tarnished had the last laugh in the last chapter, and Messmer is all the more grumpy about it. Tarnished also really loves calling Messmer 'My Lord' as a mocking title.

A03 link

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Chapter 7: Vindication

"Impressive, the stab wound has healed remarkably!"

Remarkable, you say? Lowering your shirt as Sir Aldwin finishes assessing your injuries. Your body feels energised and rejuvenated once you've awoken by the golden site of grace, embraced by its warmth, only for the reality of being back to hit you in the face. It was always a constant disappointment. 

Aldwin is as fascinated in your revival as are Messmer's men: calling it some fate from the Greater Will. You called it sheer humiliation. 

"This process... tell me about it." Aldwin is ever more curious about the ways of unnatural order. Something flashes in your waking mind, as clear as a living dream. Of a memory you cannot tell if it belonged to you, holding an ornate sword, covered in someone's blood or your own. Experiencing dying for the first time. Waking up in a place, dark and cold, only just remembering your name.

You shudder, trying to think of something else. "I'm uncertain I could explain it all to you, Aldwin. It's... still so unfamiliar to me. Why I was chosen." You hold out your hands, staring deep and hard. These hands, this body, this is not your first life. You would need answers, and the curiosity of walking past the large specimen storehouse piques your interest.

Aldwin seems disappointed but he seems to understand. "He who doesn't fear death shall only have to die once. I have seen it many times in the dying." His words carry a sense of acceptance, though you cannot think of dying over and over again the same way. It is not the acceptance of it that men dread, but its arrival.

"Aldwin, I must ask you something." You bring the Nightfolk's attention back after changing the subject quickly. "The storehouse, who uses it?"

"Well, it is rather a place of collection that his Lord uses for gathering everything known: the history, the arts, culture. It has become his very own gallery."

"And does he... allow anyone else to use it?"

Aldwin seems confused by your question before he pieces it together. "Ah, well, it would be odd if it was not used. Many in his Lord's libraries pour into the histories, using that knowledge to piece a clearer timeline." He pauses, eyeing you carefully, "Why do you ask?"

"No reason."

Before the Nightfolk can answer any more, there is a growing sound of heavy armour approaching. You're already looking to the doors when you see who comes around the corner, a black knight, armour gleaming like Obsidian, Messmer's personal guard has come to greet you.

"Lady Tarnished," His voice is muffled behind the heavy imposing helmet, covering the entirety of his face, "Lord Messmer has asked that I show you to your apartments."

You look to Aldwin, before facing the black knight once again. You're surprised to hear of your new title, questioning to yourself whether it was something the staff and knights had come up with or something higher up ordered them to address you by. "So, I'm not bound to that cell anymore?"

"Nay, milady. His Lord has also asked that a tour of the Keep is given."

You say your goodbyes to Aldwin, relieved he cannot ask more about your whole life and death process, following grudgingly behind the knight. You pass many of those under Messmer's control, all willing soldiers ready to die for his honour. It's amazing and chilling to see the amount of power one can hold, but also the loyalty they have for him. 

You pass by those who are still surprised their Lord has given you his protection. They whisper as they pass you in corridors: a Tarnished who came back from the dead. It's rather comical to hear, for them to create their theories and marvel as you go past. Some are still hesitant around you, others are cold and look through you, as if you don't exist in your eyes. A few of Messmer's staff have grown to give you a bit more respect.

When you reach the highest of the towers, towards the Keep's chambers, does it dawn on you that it would only be you and Messmer in this part since it was the royal apartments, and though you knew you were not part of some royal branch, this was all very unfamiliar to you.

Your apartments were certainly something to marvel at; a canopied bed was big enough to fit maybe five of you, decorated with embroidered cushions and sheets of a deep rich red hue. A roaring fire hit you in contrast to the coolness of the air outside. Intricate tapestries decorated the walls, of faces you didn't recognise, others, from their red hair were obvious. There, in the middle of the mantle above the flames, was a portrait of Marika, holding in her arms the same clothed babe, this time it was obvious from the details that there were two tiny serpent heads poking out surrounding the babe. 

A vanity was present beside a desk by the stained-glass windows, oddly barred from the outside with spikes not allowing anyone to crack them wider than a few inches. There had been a chest opened with a variety of clothes already out for you to touch and gawk at. It had been far grander than you had expected, far better of a place than sleeping in the mud and rain, fearing to catch a chill.

Messmer had provided you with maids-in-waiting, women of different ages who all curtsied as you greeted them. How odd, indeed. 

Turning to the guard, still hovering in the doorway to your room, you asked. "This is all been provided to me by his Lord?"

"His Lord did not say otherwise." The guard muttered curtly, and before you could have more of a chance to get used to your room and look around, you were being whisked away, back down the tower and into the main part of the keep to be shown around. By the time it was almost over, you felt exhausted, not realising the hunger gnawing at your stomach. You couldn't remember the last time you had eaten something properly, but you did not doubt that Messmer's staff would provide some proper meals for you.

The tour was not quite over, until the final part you had been very excited to see appeared to you. 

The high walls, decorated with thousands of books, and artefacts, were a sea in your vision, clear and bright. You could sense if you didn't have to return to your chambers, you would spend days here, looking at every book if you could and finding more information for you to take in. 

Light poured through, casting bright streaks of light to come through like the heavens had opened and poured through. It was a hearth of endless knowledge, stored in what you thought was maybe one of the best citadels you had come across. 

Marvelling silently to yourself, you could not help but have to look to every section as quickly as you could, trying to best believe where you would begin in your pursuit for knowledge, when something, or rather someone caught your eye. Standing in the corner by piles of books towering high, was an armoured man, his silver-white long beard a familiar sight to you. 

"Righteous Tarnished, what brings you here?"

"I could ask the same for you, Sir Ansbach. How did you find your way here?" You're wary of how he's been allowed to step foot through the Keep without all of Messmer's soldiers on him. Surely, there has to be some misunderstanding? 

"Kindly Miquella's charm has worn off from me. I have seen through his ways." He says earnestly.

"What insight of Lady Leda do you have?"

"She schemes and her blind love for Miquella has set her astray. It did the same to me, blinding me to his charm. Truly, there is nothing so Kindly about him. He's a monster. It is why I have come to Messmer not only for his aid but to seek shelter. There will be no doubt Leda and the others will hear of my betrayal."

You feel your eyeball twitch involuntarily at the mention of seeking shelter. "You mean Messmer handed it to you willingly?"

"Yes, did he do the same for you?"

"No, no he did not." Of course, he didn't.

"Ah, what challenge did you have to do to prove your worth?"

"By bringing Redmane Freyja's head."

Ansbach is silent by this, but when he responds, his voice wavers, "Ah, I see. A true Redmane, to the very end." He is resolute in his decisions, you note. "Then we are both running from the injustices of this world. I stand as your ally through and through, Tarnished."

You don't give much to rethink Ansbach's words, as you're stalking back to your chambers in a huff. Your cheeks are hot in rage as you storm into your apartments, dismissing the maids there. You look out the window, to see it is already dark. Exhaustion has claimed you, and when you expect to go to your new bed, you find sitting on the desk is a meal, still steaming with heat.  

It's a simple bowl of something that looks like stewed chicken in a sauce with a small cut of bread freshly prepared. Eyeing it cautiously, your hunger betrays you before you can believe it was all to have you poisoned, grabbing the spoon and delving into the meal. You come to realise it's chicken stewed in an ale sauce. You can taste other ingredients like pepper, ginger, breadcrumbs and even saffron. The bread is not stale or covered in mould, and you appreciate the warmth that comes from it, hinting that it had just come fresh out of the oven. You also find in the room two pitchers, one full of fresh water, the other with wine. 

You don't waste time after finishing your meal to grab a glass and delve into drinking the water first, two glasses of it before you drink the red wine, full of body and richness. It hits your tongue with unexpectedness. It tastes almost familiar to you, though you can't quite place when or how you tasted wine that belonged to the royal house.

Now that you've eaten, you can finally think back to Sir Ansbach's words, thinking to the storehouse, but most importantly, to Messmer. It was only did you realised since your revival, that you had not spotted him for a full day, being whisked away to the infirmary rather than to be seen by him again. Had he been avoiding you since you bested him at his own game?

You look at the portrait of Marika and a baby Messmer in her arms. It seems through all his isolation, he has few allies and fewer allies. He is a lonely demigod, but a man still is part of him. All men need companionship, no matter how small. You thought, dressing in a simple white shift dress as you got into bed, praying that whatever you found in the darkness of your dreams, awaited you was finally peace.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

It is maybe the first time in what feels like forever that you get the first night of unbroken sleep. A dreamless sleep is however all you need to feel alive. Dawn rises as do you, triggering the door to your chambers to be rudely opened, pouring in are your new handmaidens who come, already pulling back the curtains as they present you with a flurry of things: clothes to wear for today, a suggestion of a bath, and jewels that would suit you well. The bombardment of options is so much that you opt firstly for a bath, which is given quickly when they go back and forth providing already hot steamy water.

Your private tub is smaller than the one in the bathhouse and you're thankful for it, for it gives you your privacy away from those as you scrub yourself and clean your hair. When you're dried and dressed in a simple cotton shift, the maids once again present you with many options for clothing, and it is only when you cast your eye on them, that you come to realise something.

"Is there anything else here than dresses?"

One of the maids, younger than you eyes the eldest, unsure how to answer. "My lady," the eldest responds, "We were given direct orders that these were what were to be provided to you-"

"Ordered you say? By whom?" You already know by who, but it twists in your gut and anger rises in your throat.

"Lord Messmer had asked we provide you a ... fitting selection of dresses that would be appropriate for you."

You scowl at all the garments, all oddly enough differing shades of red. Is this some kind of twisted joke to him? You seethe, telling yourself the next time you see him, you will give him a piece of your mind. You cross your arms like a child having a mild tantrum. "I refuse to wear them."

"My Lady-"

"If Messmer wishes for me to play dress up, he can think otherwise. I require trousers, boots and a decent tunic instead."

The maids give one another side-eye glances, bowing quickly before some go on the hunt for your request. It takes some time before they find what you ask for: some of the knights had some spare which you're thankful for, however, the tunic they do find had to be brightly coloured crimson. You huff through it all but finally dress, more comfortable than you would've been in silk dresses.

"Where is Lord Messmer?" If he wishes to play games so early this morning, you're not going to stop yourself from competing against him.

"His Lord is breaking his fast privately this morning, my Lady. We shall bring you to the solace where you may have yours."

You silently grumble, being led into another isolating room, windows barred against the stained-glass windows, with a hint of peppermint heavy in the air. You sit as you're presented with an array of dishes: dried berries with apples, salted cod and rye, bacon and sausages spiced with something that stings your nostrils, and a cup of what you're told is nettle tea.

You begin with the fruits, which are sweet on your tongue and better than anything you have before. The sausages entice you as you pluck one and cut into it, where the smell is stronger. Curiously biting into it, you're surprised by its almost sweet taste, with a hint of heat that makes you nearly cough. You wash it down with the tea as you eat some bacon and bread too, before you are done.

Your morning has you continuing your exploration of the keep, certainly aware you're not wandering alone, for you hear the heavy thuds that move in time with your footsteps. You look back a few times, eyeing the fire knight who seems just five paces behind, following intently and keeping an eye on you. It had you greatly irritated, trying to lose track of him but to no avail. 

It is only when you come outside to the training yard that your sights are taken by what has gathered in front of you.

Before you, Messmer's soldiers train, the clanging of swords, some metal and wood, clash with one another. You take in those of a lower rank, trainees who fight one another as they're taught the best stances and positions. Those of more experience duel with the intent of knocking their opponent to the ground. It is far more interesting to see what is indoors, and you find yourself stepping closer and closer to the ring that has formed around one certain fight.

A soldier wielding a wooden spear and shield is knocked onto his back like a turtle, struggling to get up from the weight of the shield, when his opponent launches on him, triumphantly holding the tip of his sword under his chin. "You'd be dead." You hear from the victor, his voice muffled yet there is a charm as those around him cheer him on. The one who lost gets picked back up as he slinks away, the cockiness of the victor is embued in him.

"Who dares best me I wonder? Any one of you fools brave enough to fight me?"

"I will." 

Heads turn as you step into the middle, and whispers can be heard as some aren't certain what to do with you. Should they allow someone from outside to train with them? It is only when you hear amongst the chatter the taunting laughter of the soldier in front. "You? Trust me, Tarnished, I wouldn't wish to have you spilling your guts all over the courtyard." There is some quiet laughter amongst some of the soldiers, but you pay them no attention.

"Oh, no need to fret. I'm feeling the need to knock some teeth in." You're looking at your selection of weapons, realising all of them are wooden props. Great, all the more to enjoy whacking than slicing. You pick a wooden sword, light in its hold, it's shorter than your nagakiba, but it will still be of some use to you.

You both get into your positions, knees slightly bent, torsos upright and rigid as you await him to swing first. He is cocky and does so, charging you as you swiftly dodge out his way, slapping him as he passes across his lower back. He grunts, rage building as he goes to attack again, this time you block as you push him back, jabbing another time just below his armpit in the part where armour is not covering him.

"My, did you have a heavy breakfast?" You taunt, smiling throughout. It's only now that you're enjoying this, the thrill of not having to strain yourself, and you feel you could taunt them forever. These are Messmer's men, loyal, but in need of good training. What would they do if you or another Tarnished were in the field to meet them? A warrior with years of experience compared to a page.  

 Though this opponent is quick and skillful, he is full of rage, one that could evenly match the raging flames Messmer channels. The soldier cries out as he lunges again, taking a hit whilst you're distracted, and you give him the benefit of the doubt, it did hurt. You copy by getting him by the shoulder blades, hearing a crunch of your sword as it almost snaps from how hard you hit him. It's enough to have him stagger forwards to his knees, as you stand over him.

"That was easier than I expected-"

You see the glimpse of his vicious grin through the visors of his helmet, so fast does he move and have you believe it's all done that you only feel the connection of his fist right into your nose. You nearly fly backwards, holding what you believe is your now broken nose, feeling the heavy pouring of something drip down your lips. 

You spit in disgust, hissing as you now hold the offensive, charging as he only gets up in time before you're swinging down on him. One, two, three, he tries to block, but you're angrier, blood boiling as you kick him in the stomach back. It's not foul play you assume, for no one calls out that you just cheated. The crowd around you is larger, consuming you as you feel as if you're being engulfed in an oven from the pure heat despite being outside.

It rages like a storm, your head hurts, your nose too, but you continue to fight in a rage, swinging harder and quicker until the soldier can't keep in time with you. You knock him onto his back, as you point the sword down on him this time. You witness he only has bruises on him, despite the now bloody knuckles he has thanks to his lovely punch.

"Do you yield?" You growl above him, shoving the wooden tip of the sword into his throat. He is quick to nod in shame, and the crowd around you continue their murmurings, their eyes cast on something above.

You follow their gazes, believing it was some divine being of Miquella that had flown down upon them, only to see a mass of red, two-winged serpents and one cold golden eye.

Ah, there you are. You stare at one another as you chuck the sword into the mud. You believe that to him, you must look like some madwoman, dressed in men's garbs, wielding a wooden sword with blood dripping down your face. In fact, rather than wiping the blood from your face, you keep it there. Look at how dirty I fight now, My Lord. You think mockingly.

You don't break eye contact with him, grinning wildly with red in your teeth as Messmer simply holds your gaze a second longer, before turning and walking away. But you know all too well that through that scowl, there is something that he is thinking other than wishing to burn you alive. 

Vindication builds within you, as you saunter off back to the infirmary.

-

A/N: Ah, I love feral Tarnished, looking like some rabid dog that needs to be put down, whilst Messmer must be thinking what on earth has he brought into his Keep. More fighting! And even though I didn't think this chapter would have any, I surprised myself by including some. I'm also really building into the 'they hate each other's guts and want nothing to do with one another' but I promise I shall have them interacting with one another once again.

[n3felibata]

I made a post on Reddit titled "Hot take but I feel like many if not most Stolitz antis are either homophobic or just hypocrites" and I even had to clarify at the end that not all Stolitz antis are like that. Cue the replies harassing me, taking it as a personal attack on them and making baseless accusations about me. One of them even sarcastically said "Anyone who disagrees with me is wrong and bigoted" as a way to make fun of me. I never said anything remotely similar to that. I don't think they bothered to actually read past the title where I explained that Stolas and Blitzø meeting as children is compared to a bad fanfic when that never gets said about straight couples in media who met as children and that people who hate Stolitz for what it is now only tolerated it when it was just a running gag, as if they can't stand it when gay relationships are being taken seriously. I also mentioned that even non-homophobic Stolitz antis complain about how toxic it is and then turn around to ship Blitzker. (Blitzø x Striker)

I had a similar experience. It's so stupid because like, some of them aren't even subtle about it. Same for chaggie antis. I remember seeing a post talking about how much Charlie doesn't get enough dick, so she's unsatisfied and needs Alastor. Like... I'm sorry, what?

A lot of the arguments stolitz antis are literally inherently bigoted. Like how they want Stolas to be paired with Stella instead even though he's gay. And STILL hating him for "cheating" after The Circus even though he's a gay man being forced to marry an abusive woman? Idk, that's... a red flag 💀 The same people saying stolitz is one sided were the same ones saying that Stolas and Stella were in love not to long ago... sounds like heteronormativity...

And a lot of them are Stella defenders? Sorry that I came to the conclusion that the people doing mental gymnastics defending the cishet abuser calling the gay male abuse victim the abuser may be homophobic 😭

Like, it's not that different from female characters who get hate while the same people shitting on her praise fictional men who are worse or do the same shit. There are clear double standards here. These people turn around and praise cishet media with very similar writing, characters and tropes as Helluva Boss. And not only that, but it's not even just about their relationship specifically. Like, I have a theory that the whole controversy about Stolas being an "abusive" father is because of the stereotype that queer people can't be good parents. And the whole "child and parent have conflict but make up in the end" trope happens in fiction all time (example: Danny Tanner, Jeff Morales, Doofenshmirtz, ect.) Weird how it only became abuse and neglect with Stolas and Via.

Some people are blantly saying they wanted stolitz to "stay a joke", and it feels obvious to me that a lot of them just like queer characters who are queer in a goofy "dark humor" way and not an actual character with queer struggles and/or queer relationships.

People who say "but I disagree and I'm not homophobic!" Be expecting you to give them a pat on the back or something, I swear 💀 Like... good for you? Thanks for not being a bigot? Do you want a reward?

What I don't think people understand is that if they're not homophobic, then the post isn't about them. The fact that they're getting so defensive about posts directed at no one in particular is just weird because it looks worse than it would be if they just kept scrolling. Now it just kind of seems like Freudian Slip.

No one was looking at you until you said something

Of course they're not all the same, but I've seen people straight up call them the f slur

Sorry that happened to you. Just remember that Reddit is INFAMOUS for being toxic, so don't take what people on that app have to say to heart. Like, it's up there with Twitter and Tumblr...

And wouldn't you know it? Those are the 3 sites I see the most Stolas and Blitz hate.

Interesting

[frankendykes-monster]

Taking a brief look at Dinosaurus! (1960)

There's barely any coverage of this film on this site so I guess I'll rectify that.

Dinosaurus! (Yes the exclamation point is part of the title) is one of those middling science fiction films of the 1950's/1960's that's hard to recommend if you aren't a child or already a genre enthusiast looking for more stuff to watch that isn't terrible, but there's enough fun to be had.

The film takes place on an unnamed Carribean island where an American construction company is building a harbor, and the deepsea explosives they use unearth two frozen dinosaurs, a Tyrannosaurus and a Brontosaurus, who are then revived that night by a bolt of lightning alongside a caveman also freed from the ice, henceforth everyone on the island has to rush and make defenses against being stuck here with no communication infrastructure available.

I think of immediate notice is that Dinosaurus! is in color and wide-screen, an absolute luxury for an independent monster movie from the turn of the decade and probably the most noteworthy thing about the film as a whole. It really lets the island setting, shot on location, come into its own as the blues and greens look remarkable, especially when contrasted with the reddish colored Tyrannosaurus.

You may have noticed I glossed over discussing any characters in the plot synopsis and that is unfortunately because they mostly exist for plot functions and might as well be caricatures from future genre parodies. Ward Ramsey as Bart might be the only time a genuine stereotypical "square jawed hero" proper would be seen in a film like this, essentially doing the majority of heroic actions in this film. Kristina Hanson's Betty is the woman, Fred Engleberg's Hacker is the malicious greedy person who makes the situation with homicidal monsters on the loose more complicated than it needs to be, so on and so forth. The highlights might be Alan Roberts as Julio, a kid who knows more about dinosaurs than anyone else present and befriends the Brontosaurus and caveman (a genre archetype much more common in tokusatsu than western monster movies) and Gregg Martell as the eponymous caveman, who derails the film for minutes at a time in comedic hijinks of how a prehistoric human doesn't know what glass or a radio or paintings are. Though the film boasts something like half a dozen fucking comedy relief characters, the caveman actually transcends the future tired gag it would become by actually getting into the action to defend against the Tyrannosaurus. Dinosaurus! is also the only film of its type that features a substantial number of afro-latinx people though shamefully they're almost entirely relegated to background non-speaking roles.

The film is more or less structured around key special effects sequences such as the dinosaurs coming to life, the Tyrannosaurus attacking a bus, the two dinosaurs fighting, the Tyrannosaurus trying to eat people hiding inside a cave, and the Tyrannosaurus fighting an excavator on a cliffside. Both dinosaurs are realized through a combination of stop motion and puppetry and they're both damn good, largely thanks to the nuanced slimey coloration and skin texture on both of them. The Tyrannosaurus gets primary focus given that it actually kills and eats people versus the Brontosaurus mostly just moseying about.

It would be too harsh to call Dinosaurus! "forgotten" especially in the context of it getting a 4K restoration and a Blu-Ray release but it's now mostly known for individual scenes (mentioned above) being likely forerunners to key moments in films such as Jurassic Park (1993) and Aliens (1986). Dinosaurus! might actually be the best dinosaur film to come out in the extensive period between King Kong (1933) and Jurassic Park, though that's much more an indictment of the quality of every other dinosaur film for 60 years than an appraisal of Dinosaurus!' own quality. I can personally vouch for the fact that this is better than either Ray Harryhausen film starring dinosaurs at least.

[muaka-safari]

May I ask, did you get around to writing that essay about ga-matoran in Metru Nui and their connection to the Great Temple? Not expecting anything! Just curious!

Oh, I think I wrote a bullet-pointed list on ga-matoran and their connection to the Great Temple, specifically looking at how it affects their concept of gender here, but I never wrote anything long-hand.

If a quick rundown is what you're looking for, follow that link. If you do enjoy long(ish), rambling essays from someone making far too extensive headcanons for fictional worlds, read on.

So. Ga-Metru. The metru of the ga, the metru specifically for the ga, that metru. Now, I could launch straight into the impact of Ga-Metru being Mata Nui-favoured... but this is my essay, so I'm gonna roll this a bit further back and delve into a possible reason of why Ga-Metru is favoured.

Because I have a personal headcanon that Ga-Metru's favoured status was very much a byproduct of the natural resources.

Look at it this way: You need to build a protodermis purification facility on Metru Nui. You've already built the forges and furnaces; now you need to be able to source the building material for these smithies. So you need somewhere with a lot of liquid protodermis readily at hand - somewhere, for example, like Ga-Metru.

And then, because you probably shouldn't put all your important masks in a place full of burny, melty fire, you store your kanohi mask here (instead of Ta-Metru) as the other major building in this budding metru.

So, ta-da, you now have your second major site in Metru Nui, and over time that becomes Ga-Metru, home to the Ga-Matoran. Second-eldest metru, not out of any holy significance, but because it provided an important resource.

Time passes, and your purification/storage facility becomes a place of spiritual importance. I mean, it makes sense. It's an old, vital building, storing items of power, and isn't the hot, noisy space of Ta-Metru, plus the act of purifying carries a kind of holiness to it.

So, the next logical train of thought: if Ga-Metru is home to the temple of your god, then - obviously - god must like this metru best.

Next, next logical train of thought: if Ga-Metru is the favoured metru, then those who live there must be Mata Nui's favoured matorans. Or, at least, they are spiritually closer to Mata Nui, living basically on the doorstep of your connection to him.

By this point, matoran have certainly been granted sentience, and with that comes all the messy irrationality of thinking for yourself. What a lot of religions like to do is recognise those singled out, spiritually, with a title. Father. Reverend. Back in the medieval era, catholic priests were called "Sir" the same way a knight was.

Regardless, the point is: you need a name or a title to recognise that Ga-Matoran are different. And (headcanon going strong here) because Matoran weren't programmed with a sense of gender, they only really have "he/him" for daily use, with "brother" as a title of respect.

So language does what it always does in these circumstances - it adapts. Except, well, the Matoran may not have a concept of gender, but the Great Beings who created them did. So, somewhere in that pesky programming and superfluous data, there's a not-memory of "sister" being an equivalent title to "brother" - they don't understand how it relates to gender, they just know it feels right. And with "sister" comes the pronouns "she/her" so suddenly you have a whole metru with their own special pronouns and titles.

And, ta-da! Matorans have now accidentally ungendered gendered pronouns.

I also think it adds an interesting sense of irony for any (head)canons that Ga-Matorans consider themselves above or better than other Matorans (because then their importance is built on a coincidence, rather than actual Mata Nui favour) but that's for another day - or for other people to take a crack at, if they'd like. (I know I've certainly seen some interesting posts about Ga-Matoran self-importance!)

I personally was just fascinated by the fact that the "female" Matoran are the "holy" Matoran, despite gender being nonexistant, and examining one possible reason for Ga-Metru gaining its favoured reputation. (What can I say? I love clawing my way into the cracks of existing world-building.) Feel free to agree, disagree, whatever, but these are my personal headcanons and I hope people enjoyed reading about them!

[tomorrowusa]

Anne Applebaum's book Autocracy, Inc.: The Dictators Who Want to Run the World was published a few days ago. in the book she describes the basic nature of contemporary autocracies and how they cooperate with each other.

About two-thirds of the way through this NPR audio she pivots from overseas autocracies to talk about how disinformation and outright lies are undermining democracy in the US.

The transcript for the audio can be found here.

A few bits from the transcript:

You know, for a long time, certainly since the end of the Cold War gave us this feeling that our political system was the best and it was inevitably the best, we took for granted the idea that somehow, you know, information was like - was another free market. And there would be a competition in the market between good ideas and bad ideas, and eventually the good ideas would win. That's actually not how it works. And that's not how the news business works anymore. It's not how information works. And understanding how important it is and how important it is to engage in it, both in our country and around the world, I think would do us a lot of good. I mean, we - you know, we sort of stopped competing or - again, out of complacency, out of the assumption that everybody would eventually agree with us, we didn't really have to do anything. We didn't have to try very hard. I think we misunderstood that. [ ... ] I want people to be convinced that ideas matter, that we're going to have to defend and protect our political system if we want to keep it. We have to do that around the world, but we also have to do it in our own country. So much of what I suggest is to do with changing the way things are done in the United States. And much of it is also to do with people becoming engaged in public life, in understanding what's happening, and not just voting, but participating. With autocrats, whether they're in American politics or in Russian politics or in Chinese politics, what they want is for you to be disengaged. They want you to drop out. They want you to become overwhelmed, and they want you to, you know, to say, I can't do anything. It's all hopeless. So it's very important to remember that our ideas are better. And our system is better, and however flawed it may be - and I'm sure you could do another whole radio program about the flaws of the United States and our democracy - it's still better than the autocratic world. And I should also say, it's still the case that our ideas are the ones that people in the autocratic world wish they had. The people who are really the most eloquent spokesmen for freedom of speech aren't the kind of free speech warriors in America. They're Russians who don't have it. And the people who are the greatest advocates for transparency in the rule of law are also people who live in states where they don't have it. And remembering that these are things that we have that they're under threat, and they need to be protected and defended, I think is extremely important.

We fight autocracy by being engaged and by challenging disinformation.

The book is brand new. Here's a link to the publisher's site for Autocracy, Inc.. Take note of the title and author's name and then buy it at a local independent bookstore. 😉

Autocracy, Inc.: The Dictators Who Want to Run the World

@npr

[bluekittyworld]

There is Karma.

Hello sweet people, this is my first time writing something, I hope you guys like it and all feedback will be appreciated.

Please don't post my work on other sites/platforms or copy it, or translate it, thank you.

Approx. 11,000 words in total and 5 chapters

Warnings: Lot's of angst, mention of suicide, smut, 18+

Main Masterlist

Chapter 1

Chapter 2

Chapter 3

Chapter 4

Happy Ending

Sad Ending

There is karma. It comes back, don’t use your heart in a bad way.

You were part of the popular girls at school, a rich spoiled brat as one may put it. Grade As and Bs were natural to you, you wondered sometimes if you had put in the effort, you could have scored better than all the nerds in your class, but who needed that, you were busy being the popular and pretty rich ‘it’ girl, belittling the quiet and less popular ones. There was one boy in particular, his name was Yunki or Yoonji, something like that. He wore thick framed glasses; his skin was ghostly pale, and he had contrasting pitch black hair in bowl cut. You found him an easy target as he never spoke back, no matter how many times you tripped him over, shoved him around, broke his ugly glasses, he never said anything back.

Why did you hate him so much? He didn’t care about anyone, and you hated it so much, why didn’t he try to fit in? He dressed so poorly, everyone just assumed that he was in this school on a scholarship, there was no way he could afford the fees by the way he dressed. On the other hand, you had to become mean to fit in, every day you woke up hours earlier to complete your work, prepare your hair and makeup, you had to stay relevant, have everyone’s attention, keep the ‘it girl’ title, life was so hard. So, every time you saw the careless Yoongi living his simple easy life, it boiled your blood and what ticked you off even more is that he never retaliated, come to think of it you had never heard his voice, was he mute?

This carried on for 5 years until the day of your graduation, just before graduation, you and your friends mocked this boy wearing his skinny ripped jeans, a t-shirt, and a plaid shirt. At the time your high-school boyfriend joined in too, you decided to give him a matching ripped shirt, pulling out your scissors you made a few cuts in his shirt and his bag, your friends laughed and recorded the scene. Your best friend took a few of his books, and teared them up, nobody noticed how Yoongi was having a panic attack and was on the verge of tears. Your boyfriend took the scissors and started cutting the poor boy’s hair, you did think it was pushing it too far, but nobody else seemed to care, why should you care right? Your boyfriend’s mates started kicking and punching Yoongi, he was now covered in blood and bruises, his eyes piecing into your soul, while he was being beaten up, his eyes were still fixated on you. You noticed this and felt a little bit of guilt, you pulled your boyfriend and asked to go to your favourite Korean BBQ. All your friends and his friends discarded Yoongi, leaving him in the middle of the school grounds, you didn’t even bother to look back if he was still breathing or not, nobody did.

On graduation day, Yoongi didn’t turn up, not like you really cared, you just wondered if he was okay, maybe you did go a little too far the other day. Also, it would have been a great opportunity to see his parents and assess his wealth today. Soon your friends and boyfriend came over to you, and that was the last time you thought of Yoongi.

Years had passed since graduation. You were well set into your father’s business, ready to take senior management positions, being born into an affluent family had its perks, your whole life was served on a silver platter, not a single day of difficulty. Life was monotonic and predictable you began to feel a growing sense of emptiness. Despite the success you achieved in your career and social life, there was an underlying dissatisfaction, a void you couldn't fill. A friend of yours suggested maybe participating in charity events may give you a sense of fulfilment, so you decided to join the next available event.

At this event, everyone was put into groups of 4, and the tasks varied, you were in a team with two boys and another girl. The aim was to visit the elderly and help them out with their chores for today. The drive to the house was quite quick, you didn’t really get to talk to your teammates, the only thing you knew were their names, Sora, Yeonjun and Yoongi. Yoongi rang a bell, but you couldn’t really remember if you ever knew a person with that name, maybe it was just a name of one of the many people you see every day at work, you brushed it off. 

Upon arriving at the house, you saw it was occupied by an old lady, the roofing had some issues and the wallpaper had been peeling off in various places. Yoongi took lead of the team, he suggested “Yeonjun and I will take the duty of fixing the ceiling, while you girls can start by removing the wallpaper.”

His voice was like a gentle breeze on a calm summer day, carrying warmth and serenity, you hadn’t heard such a caring voice in a very long time, even your own mother didn’t sound so affectionate.

You just nodded, while Sora nudged you, maybe you were looking at Yoongi for too long, he was looking back at you with his piercing dark eyes.

“The wallpaper removing machine is in the back of the car, let’s go get it” Sora mentioned.

You nodded and followed her along. Removing the wallpaper wasn’t hard at all, you and Sora had bonded quite well, it was interesting to find out about her, you learnt she ran a café nearby and had a fiancé, her parents currently live in Japan, and she has a poodle dog named Bobbi. You loved this kind of interaction; it was like a breath of fresh air being away from your routine life and interacting with people who didn’t have money on their minds 24/7. You glanced over to Yoongi’s direction now and then… there was a certain attraction you developed towards him, but you turned away each time in disappointment, him and Yeonjun were really focused on getting the ceiling fixed and didn’t really have time for other things. You really wanted to talk to Yoongi more and find out about him, maybe you wouldn’t get another chance and that really bothered you.

You and Sora were done removing the wallpaper, and the ceiling was still being plastered. You suggested to Sora “We should paint this room before the old lady comes back, it shouldn’t take too long, what do you think?”

“Perfect” Sora chimed “Let’s go to the nearby DIY store and pick out a colour.”

Sora got up and walked over to Yeonjun, by the looks of it you assumed they knew each other well, maybe they volunteered together previously, she asked “Yeonjun, my dear cousin, can you drive us in your car to the DIY store?”

Oh, now it makes sense, they were cousins, you smiled at learning the fact, you somewhat wished you were close to your family members.

At the DIY store you and Sora decided on a dusty pink colour, it would contrast well with the plants the lady had in her house. Yeonjun waited in the car and you guys were soon back, he suggested to grab some food, and as if on cue your stomach rumbled.

“Yup, ____ is hungry, we should definitely get food” Sora giggled.

You just smiled in embarrassment. The three of you had decided to buy four portions of Jjajangmyeon, not forgetting Yoongi of course.

Meanwhile Yoongi had finished up the plastering, he looked at the clock, it was 3pm, the old lady did mention she would return at 6pm, there were 3 more hours to go, more than enough time for the plaster to dry and paint over. He smiled at the fact he was ahead of schedule and thought the lady will be so happy to see the finished results. Soon you, Sora and Yeonjun came back, you distributed the noodle bowls to each person.

“Thank you” Yoongi smiled, you swear he had winked too, you felt excited like a teenage girl. You blushed and proceeded to sit down to eat, it was a nice meal, mostly Yeonjun sharing his personal life and how he has crush on his neighbour.

Chapter 2

[sweetmariihs2]

🪄Cedric The Sorcerer merch, art and official stuff - Masterlist (incomplete)🌌

That's the new version of the post. The previous one was (accidentally) deleted by me, and this one here is more updated and organized.

I wrote a complete part two post about this post here (searching for Cedric stuff), and it was all very genuine because I was writing down my opinions while looking for more content, so there were my reactions for having found incredible content, art that I had been looking for for a long time, books games and more. I did this research the whole day (of course, taking some breaks and also doing my personal tasks) and finished the post at midnight, but when I posted it, Tumblr deleted the post for no reason. I think maybe it's because there was a bug on the post, because I only had two drafts (this post and one more) and in quantity it said it had 5. Even though I tried to contact Tumblr support, they didn't solve my problem :( so I decided to redo the blog just with the data I found, more organized and also a masterlist of the illustrations I found on Tumblr. (I still want to share the things I found but I don't want to rewrite my reactions, because it won't be genuine anymore)

I did this research myself, so it's likely there are still items off the list that I didn't include. Or there is media that Cedric is in, but that has not been published on the internet and I didn't found anywhere. The content of the magazines for example is so damn hard to find.

After that day, I continued searching all over the internet. I would say this research took around a week or two. And I decided to put everything I found into a big masterlist to share with other people too, so I made this post.

As over time I will continue editing this post and adding more links, you need to remember that when a post is reblogged, the version it was in when it was reblogged will be the version present on the profile of the person who reblogged it. If there are updates, the most recent versions will not appear on that person's profile, so it's a good idea to always check if I have added any more links. Here I will leave the link to the post on my blog, so you can know if there have been any changes.

As always, I will be very grateful to those who have access to this material and can share it with me, so that I can add it to the list, or who have found a link with content that was left out of the post. I'll be very grateful to add it to the list and I'll give you credit. You can send it to me through comments, asks or messages. I will add the link and @ of your blog :)

If you only have images please put them in a post and send the link to me, because we can only add 10 images per post and I have already added too many images in the masterlist :)

You can access the links to the products/media/stuff by clicking on the colored texts (not on the titles, as the titles are just decorative). I'll divide the links into topics so they don't get mixed up.

Sometimes the same book or the same product has multiple links because in one link there are some images and in the other there are others. It could be due to the difference in quality of images from one site to another or because one link has images that the other does not have, about the same product. I will list these links in yellow.

Let me know in the comments if any link doesn't work.

~This version of the post is a REPOST. I accidentally deleted the other post, but fortunately I had a backup in my notes app. I knew that if I lost this post all my hard work would be destroyed too, so at each update, I also did the same update here. I got so mad because I deleted when I was trying to add a new link. What makes me pissed is having to organize in the Tumblr format (with the colored text and everything), but at least the links and the text are still saved. I also added new links.~

~If you want, you can delete the old post from your profile if you reblogged it before I deleted it. It is no longer useful and is the outdated version, plus I may end up getting confused with the two posts. Forget about the old post and focus on this new one ;) ~

23/may/2024 edit: I was going to edit the post and add more concept art links and I was notified that I have reached the link limit per post (100). I don't know what I'm gonna do anymore, since this masterlist is incomplete and CAN'T be completed because Tumblr doesn't allow me to. I'm thinking about making a post for each one of these topics and get their links to make a masterlist of them. But oh God this will be extremely exhausting to do. This post is reblogged in a lot of people's blogs already, I'll make a mess. Let me see what I can do. For now I'll keep the post the way it is.

21/july/2024 edit: I'm gonna be removing some dead links (links that don't work anymore and brings us nowhere) to add some concept arts/storyboards and the stf magazine masterlist I did some days ago.

Let's go to the list.

✨️Concept Art:

This section is incomplete since new concept art is always being discovered.

Model sheets by Connor Flynn (and more artists in the other drawings, I believe)(my favorite concept art)

Model sheets by Connor Flynn (Cedric and Wormwood concept arts)

Carol S. Berkeley Concept/Official art

Cedric and Wormwood Character Descriptions

‼️ Sofia The First series bible (pitch bible) (I was afraid of it turning into lost media so I also uploaded this in my blog, in two parts. Since we have a link limit per post I won't add them here, but if in the future this turns into a dead link, you can find it pretty easily by searching for "bible" or other keywords in my blog)

🪻Storyboards:

Once Upon A Princess third/fourth Cedric scene storyboard (+Goodwyn was there for some reason. He got scraped and added to "Cedric's Apprentice" later on)

Holiday In Enchancia - deleted scene storyboards (Cedric in his undies lmao)

Holiday In Enchancia - deleted scene storyboards (same as the above, but more content and in the original artist's website)

The Amulet Of Avalor - Get That/My Amulet storyboard (this specific link can only be accessed through the Wayback Machine website. It works for me, but some people said that it didn't worked for them. I also uploaded these in my blog in case you can't access this link.)

The Floating Palace storyboard (sea monster Cedric)

The Winter’s Gift episode storyboards (Cedric and Sofia's hug)

The Leafsong Festival storyboard (Cedric's design it's different, which is weird... maybe it was made before Once Upon A Princess)

Through the Looking Back Glass - Magic Touch storyboard (Cedric's hair looks so cute! This whole artstyle is so sweet)

The Enchanted Feast - All You Desire storyboards (originally called "Anything You Want")

🪄Storybooks (introduction):

The content of the books can be easily found on YouTube by searching for "Sofia The First read-along book", as many people record videos of themselves reading the books to children. Although we can see the arts, they are usually not in the best quality, so I found some scanned illustrations on Tumblr.

Usually the storybooks have the same stories as the episodes, so Cedric will be present in the books corresponding to each episode he's in. Except for the book Royal Sleepover (He's not there) and Holiday In Enchancia (He's present on a page, but not present in the episode). When You Wish Upon A Well is not posted on YouTube, so it was not found with all the pages and is difficult to find.

—

💫Sofia The First Storybook Theater App:

It's an interactive reading mode that existed inside the Disney Junior app. We don't know if there are more interactive books besides these recorded and posted on YouTube.

Sofia The First (introduction book)

The Floating Palace

🌙Storybook scanned pages:

(I won't include the YouTube videos because then can be found easily)

There are variations from the Cedric's Apprentice book: Sofia's Magic Lesson, Cedric Gets Help, "Aprendiendo a Hacer Magia" and Magic Class (He's not in this one). There's also the japanese version of this same story.

Cedric Gets Help read-along video (because it's hard to find)

Japanese Cedric's Apprentice

Princesita Sofia - Aprendiendo a Hacer Magia

Princesita Sofia - Aprendiendo a Ser Princesa

From the book Sofia The Second

From the book Amulet Of Avalor

From the book The Enchanted Feast

Only one from the book Two Princesses And A Baby (little golden book edition)

One small illustration from Two Princesses And A Baby

From the book Royal Mouse In The House + Two Princesses And A Baby

Mix from Enchanted Science Fair and When You Wish Upon A Well

Mix from The Perfect Tea Party, Magical Match and Amulet And The Anthem

Welcome to Royal Prep (MUSHROOM CEDRIC AAaa)

🌠Merch/Activity Books:

Sofia The First - Annual 2015 (Insta)

Sofia The First - Annual 2015 (Pin)

This book "Annual 2015" along with a magazine confused me a lot. I found illustrations from this book, but they matched illustrations from a magazine comic, which left me very confused because I didn't know what was from which book. After finding a video on YouTube with pictures of the whole magazine, I was able to separate which illustration was from which book. You can find this specific magazine in the magazines section below. Let's go on with the book list.

Sofia The First - Sparkling - Sticker Dress Up (dress Sofia and her royal friends)

Same book, but dress up Cedric

Same book, but Cedric is in a dress

Same book, but dress up Cedric + Baileywick and Roland

— Okay, now we can go on with the rest of the books :)

Sofia The First Magic Sticker Book (Korea)

Sofia The First Deluxe Sticker Book (we have Wormwood here, and both Cedric and Wormwood have heart stickers! And Cedric wears a green robe!)

Sofia The First look and find book

Sofia The First Clay Buddies

S Is For Sofia (ABC book)

Personalized book (you can add your kid's name)

Sticker book "treasury" (NEW CEDRIC STICKER - there's still content from this book that Cedric is featured but I couldn't find it anywhere)

Compilation of Cedric in the coloring books

Unknown source (Cedric with his concept art teeth)

🌟JAPANESE Merch/Activity books:

Japan needs a whole separate topic because they have their own producs, magazines, even the aesthetics change

Found a lot of romantic c*dfia traumatizing content...

And at least a good thing: a japanese sofia the first cookbook (for...children?)

I know that not everyone is just part of the "Cedric fandom" like me. I know that there are people who genuinely wants to search for STF content and not only Cedric, and the advice I give to find these things is to write "princess sofia magazine" in Google Translate and translate to Japanese, and then you copy it to the clipboard and search on Google. You will find a lot of interesting stuff.

You can understand what is written in these books by downloading the image and putting it in Google Translate, image translation mode. Select Japanese language translating to English, and translate by image. The app will write in English on top of the Japanese texts so that you can read them. You need to download the image to do this, as it needs to be in your gallery! Or it's an image on Google images and you click on the camera symbol below it -> translate. I use my cellphone, so I don't know how it works in desktop mode. There must be tutorials on the internet about it.

In the Amazon links, sometimes the website don't always shows all the pics that the seller put to sell the product. To see them, don't just swip to the right when you enter the website, click on the image FIRST and then look through the pics. I think that counts for all the Amazon links.

(This one is a storybook) Sofia The First - once upon a princess story (you can read the preview on that big button and there's a Cedric illustration)

Sofia The First + Frozen Sticker Book

Sticker dress up magnetic bag

Sticker dress up book

Another sticker book

"Kisekae collection", japanese mini portable dress up bag

Did you notice that the photo of Sofia and Cedric on the cover has the ruby ​​heart sticker? <3

Another japanese sticker book

Same japanese sticker book but more images

Lessons for becoming a princess (Disney picture book)

Flora painting Cedric's robe pink 😭😭

Little Princess Sofia Perfect Guide All stories published! (Gakken Disney Mook) *I just translated* Cedric is in the stickers (click on the image to see all)

Japanese learning english book? With a reading pen

Japanese learning words with little princess Sofia [NEW CEDRIC ILLUSTRATIONS]

Activity book (Cedric is in the stickers)

Activity book (Cedric is in a number card)

Japanese character encyclopedia (new pics) (click on the image to see all)

Japanese character encyclopedia (high quality images- not complete)

Magazine/book with new Cedric content, BUT there are new pics of the last "character encyclopedia" and bless this person on amazon, they did so much for us, thank you, thank you (click on the image to see all)

(That's all the same link I just played a little with the colors lol)

Magazine/book with game of fiding the seven errors with Cedric (click on the image to see all)

MAGAZINE WHERE WE CAN LEARN MAGIC TRICKS WITH CEDRIC!!!! (click on the image to see all)

Magazine/book with stickers (click on the image to see all)

Magazine that comes with pens and a small bag

10 stories (there's a part for describing the characters... but it's just a preview so you have to buy it)(that gray button is for reading the preview)

10 stories 2 (same thing as the last one)(that small button below the pic is for reading the preview)

"Princess Lession", probably an activity book

Another sticker+activity book

Unknown book (it's described as a comic, but I don't believe it is)

I found a website full of high quality images of japanese merch and books, some scanned pages and everything. But it redirected to adult sites. The site full of STF merch appears for a second and then several betting sites and mature content open, so to be able to get these images, I turned off my Wi-Fi before the adult site appeared and kept scrolling the page to see the images, then to go to the second part I would turn it on for a moment and turn it off again before the ads appeared 😭 it was very difficult but I got everything interesting that was there. Here are some:

🌌Magazines:

Some time ago I started to buy the STF magazines in my country to scan them and prevent them to be turned into lost media. I only own some of them but I was capable to upload them here on tumblr. Here is the post where you can access them:

The Day Of The Sorcerers magazine:

Random images + part of the comic

The Day Of The Sorcerers comic version

Snowman Cedric pic

"A Bit Of Magic" (name of the comic) magazine:

WHOLE MAGAZINE VIDEO: Activities and full comic

"A Bit Of Magic" comic (Once Upon A Princess/Cedric's Apprentice inspired story)

"A Bit Of Magic" comic scenes (finally- that's not an "unknown source" anymore)

A Bit Of Magic" comic scenes (previously nicknamed "Once Upon A Princess comic-like illustrations by me)

Another part of the "A Bit Of Magic" comic (that's the reused artwork I mentioned at the "annual 2015" book)

This is the comic I mentioned in the "Annual 2015" book part. The illustrations in this magazine are similar to those in the book and because I didn't have access to either of the two complete books, I couldn't understand which was which. Today I know because I found the video of the whole magazine.

Other magazines content (activities):

Intituled "Sofia The First Official Comic Issue 13 with free gift", but it can be called "Magic Helpers"

Sofia The First Royal Adventures - Join Sofia's Party!

"Another chance"/"Perfect spell"/"Magical Mishaps" (unknown source)

"A successful spell" (unknown source)

"A magic celebration" (unknown source)

"Secret Path" (unknown source)

"Pet swap" (unknown source)

"Our special talents" (unknown source)

Magazines' comics:

"Welcome to Royal Prep Academy!" Magazine (comic)

Same comic but different pics (previously an unknown source)

I had a screenshot here before I mentioned that I lost the source. But not that I found out it's source I discovered that it's not from a magazine! It's a sticker book that I already mentioned but I thought those were two different books!! The book I'm talking about is "Sticker Play - Royal Activities". // 21/july/2024 edit: now the link that bring us to that sticker book is a dead link. Lost media unfortunately :( I removed it from the masterlist

—

🪞Magazine covers:

Sofia The First - Leading The Way (True Friendship/Cedric Takes Charge) [Day Of The Sorcerers Comic]

Sofia The First - Royal Adventures (New Exciting Adventures!/The Power Of Being Nice)

Sofia The First - Leading The Way (Surprising Friends!/Visit Hexley Hall with Cedric!)

Sofia The First - Royal Adventures (Indonesian: Selamat Datang di Pesta Sihir)(translation: Welcome to Magic Party) (sassy Cedric)

🌔Merch:

Panini stickers (from the Sofia The First - Collectible Sticker Album)

Panini sticker album — High quality stickers (I FINALLY FOUND THE DAMN STICKER ALBUM CARDS)

Panini sticker album — here we can see all of the pages. The quality is low but in other videos people don't show them all

Panini sticker album — complete (lmao this video)

Board game - Surprise Slides (conceptart-like Cedric illustration)

🐦‍⬛Games:

I have great news for you: I found a website called Numuki that still supports flash games. On this website you can play ALL the games I have listed below (except for Sofia's Enchanted Adventure. I thought it wasn't possible to play The Mermaid Princess either, but it just doesn't show up when you search for "Cedric", it shows up in similar game recommendations when you're playing a STF game). Just search for Numuki on Google and in the website's search bar search for "Cedric", and voilá, have fun.

I'm having trouble with the link limit per post, because I already reached 100 and I need more space to add other ones, like concept arts and storyboards. So instead of adding a link to videos about every game, I'll just link a private playlist I made on YouTube with videos to all these games (in the order that I mention them in the post) for you to access it more easily. Those colored titles of the games aren't links, okay?

This is the playlist link ✨️

A Spell for Mr Cedric

Cedric needs ingredients to make a spell that makes fireworks, so Sofia needs to get them for him.

Keys To The Castle

Sofia needs to go to the royal ball and Cedric locked the door with his magic. Now she needs to get the keys to go back to the ball. Cedric has a new 3d pose and is an enemy/npc that can "game over" your game (his walk is so funny). Plus we have Wormwood here. "Game over" at 04:50 min.

Sofia's Enchanted Adventure

Cedric turns into a lizard (a very cute and funny one, that doesn't show inside the episodes) and Sofia needs to help him turn back to his normal self.

The Curse Of Princess Ivy

Cedric has a new 3d pose and a small animation. This game is about catching Ivy's butterflies and you can play with Amber or Sofia.

Sofia's Card Catch

Matching game with Cedric. There was a previous version where Cedric was the sea monster instead of his normal self.

The Mermaid Princess

The Floating Palace game version. I'm not that familiarized with the english dub so I don't know if they reused the same voicelines from the episodes or not.

A Day At Royal Prep

This game is basically a collection of minigames based on the classes at the royal prep. Ironically, there is a "potions class", and Cedric apparently is the teacher... let's take the episode Substitute Cedric into consideration lmao.

[pokemon-my-beloved]

my thoughts on pokemon legends za: what we know so far

i'm back!!!! sorry for not posting in over a year, the hyperfixation has shifted and i started uni which has kept me VERY busy. regardless! i'm super excited for the new game! this post will be based primarily on the trailer that dropped earlier today, though i will be taking info from the official site into account.

analysis under the readmore!

general

i think this game is going to be a launch title for the switch 2. i know the trailer and website both said it would be for the switch, but considering a. that the switch 2 is coming out later this year, we just don't know when yet and b. how godawful sv's performance was (and how the visuals seem to be pretty similar to sv's), i think that would make the most sense. if this is true, both will probably be releasing in november, because that's when pokemon games come out (except pla lmao), but ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ we'll see!

since pla took place like... idk, 300 or so? years before dpp, i'm betting that plza will take place roughly 300 years after xy. given the amount of development and improved technology (and, from what i can tell, a lack of sycamore, clemont, and other characters from lumiose (though this is only the first trailer)), it would have to be at least 100 years in the future. i just think the time difference is roughly the same for parallel reasons. i'll elaborate more on this later, though

OBSESSED with the new battle system. finally, we can truly live out the anime and have our pokemon fucking dodge attacks without relying on evasion boosting moves. the ui is also really neat, i LOVE the info (chikorita used razor leaf, it's super effective, etc) being on the side, it feels a lot less obtrusive. also love that you can see your whole party at all times, i think that's great

speaking of ui, the minimap is fantastic. desperately needed that sooner, thank you gamefreak

the architecture and stuff looks AMAZING, i adore the style

pokemon

starters are chikorita, tepig, and totodile! definitely gives johto favoritism, but you know what, that's fair, johto has not gotten appreciation like this in years

unsure if the starters will get kalosian(?) forms or mega evolutions, i've seen speculation for both. i think it'll probably be forms, because it doesn't feel like there's any way they could give these three mega evolutions but not the others from those regions, plus samurott and typhlosion already have hisuian forms

relatedly, snivy is definitely going to be the grass starter in the next legends game (assuming we get another one, at least, which we probably will)

regardless, regional variants seem more likely to me, which gives more credence to my theory that this is a good few hundred years post xy, even if this is pokemon, changes like that take a while. fairly confident we won't get mega evolutions for the starters, but it would be cool if we did!

speaking of, mega evolution is BACK!!!!! i'm SO excited, mega evolution is EASILY my favorite mid-battle... mechanic? change? idk, but z moves, dynamaxing, and terastilization don't even come CLOSE

the currently confirmed returning mega evolutions are charizard, kangaskhan, gyarados, ampharos, gardevoir, sableye, altaria, absol, and lucario: a solid mix of mega evolutions introduced in both xy and oras. i imagine all of the old mega evolutions will return (except maybe mega rayquaza and mega mewtwo, given that i can't think of any reason for them to be there)

relatedly, the returning pokemon (in general and not counting the ones already mentioned) are sliggoo, clauncher, furfrou, sandile, bunnelby, pyroar, zygarde (obviously), budew, vivillon, eevee, patrat, pikachu (duh), larvitar, bagon, aegislash, trubbish, weepinbell, chandelure, fletchling, swirlix, spritzee, hippowdon, pidgeot, skiddo, onix, florges, dragalge, dedenne, and inkay, plus obviously all pre-evolutions and evolutions thereof

didn't see any regional variants, but i'm fairly confident they'll show up considering they've been in every game since sm (even though kalos was before that). hopefully we'll get more variants than we did in sv!

characters

not a lot to say about the rivals, tbh. they're fine enough, i don't have enough info to make much of a judgement

i do not trust jett and vinnie. mostly jett. they're leaders of a megacorporation, and i know how that goes in pokemon games (plus jett's design gives HUGE r*se and oleana vibes, both of whom i hate with a passion). the only thing that makes me doubt they're the antags is how early in the promotional cycle they've shown up, but if they're villains i will have called it on sight. stop designing characters like this, gamefreak, you've made a reputation for yourselves now

and finally, AZ!!!!!!!!! i'm super super SUPER excited about him being here, i think that's INCREDIBLE and i'm so happy he and floette are thriving now. he's running a hotel, good for him

SPEAKING OF, this is probably the main reason i think plza will be so far in the future. we've established that az..... can't die, and he didn't reconnect with floette until post xy, so there's no way this game can take place before then (unless it was way way WAY long ago, but he wouldn't be able to run a hotel then cause he would be busy being king. also all the technological improvements and stuff). given that it he's established a hotel and it seems he has been running it for a while, based on the fact that the rivals live and work there, this game has to take place long enough after xy that he would 1, not be an emotional wreck 2, get himself cleaned up and presentable 3, get enough money to buy a building in lumiose city, which i imagine would be pretty expensive 4, buy a building in lumiose city that he can turn into a hotel 5, establish it as a business to the point where people live there and the player character chooses to stay there, and 6, the events of the game occur. step 1 alone had to take years (half joking), so i'm positive that given the other steps this game has to be at minimum a century after xy

also, he uses a cane now. arguably he should've had that a long time ago, but still (i was also gonna mention the knee brace, but i checked and he had that in the official artwork for xy)

EDIT: i know there’s no fucking way this will happen but i kinda really really hope the lumiose ghost girl comes back and fucking explains literally anything. i want to know what the fuck she’s talking about but also i hope it’s a mystery forever and she stays a cryptid queen. idk, just thoughts, it’s like 2:30 am and insomnia’s kicking my ass, there are no coherent thoughts rn

that's it for now, i think. super excited for this game, i can't wait!!!!

[thessalian]

Thess vs Shitheel Authors

I don't know who this story is going to help, but maybe it will. I know it's hard for a lot of people - Rowling's whole deal (which isn't recent but still hurts) and particularly the recent article outlining Gaiman's ... behaviour? Actions? Crimes? Gods, there's not even a word. (I won't link to the article - it's paywalled anyway - but if you want to look it up, it's on Vulture, it's titled "There Is No Safe Word" - and given my feelings about his commentary about trigger warnings in his recent anthology by the same effective title, doesn't that give me the ick - and I will warn you right now, trigger warnings are in effect if you're going to read it because it's horrifying.)

So quite some while ago, I was running Changeling: The Dreaming (old WoD Changeling, effectively) on a chat-and-forum WoD RP site. I was pretty new at it, and was building up the Changeling world in that version of London beyond the Fae Court. I came up with a Faerie Market, a pocket of the Dreaming hidden in Camden Town, and effectively run by an Eshu NPC with a bookshop. The bookshop also had sphinx-cats, a la Mirrormask, each bearing the name of an author. Those sphinx-cats would roam around the place, referencing the works of the authors whose names they bore, and generally just added some colour to the whole thing. There were a lot of them, obviously, but the two most popular at that time were the ones called Rowling and Gaiman.

Now, when Rowling came out as a massive TERF, that was bad enough. With Gaiman on top of it, you can imagine how I feel about that. It colours my memories of those days running those games, which are by and large very good memories and probably don't deserve to have the mud splashed on them that they're getting right now.

The only thing that makes me feel any better about it is the realisation that those little colour-bearing NPCs don't represent the authors themselves. They represent the things those authors wrote, and the joy they brought to so many. They exist because people loved the stories, not because they loved the people who wrote them. Maybe those little cats with human faces and eagle's wings don't have to be coloured by the actions of the humans who wrote the stories, because it was the dreams of the humans who read and loved the stories who made them real, not the direct actions of the humans themselves.

I mean, I'm not saying forgive. I'm not saying ever engage with their work again. However you need to cope with whatever emotions this brings up, I get it. But the joy you got from their stories is a part of you; the authors themselves are not. There's a piece of the author in every story, but we don't have to accept the whole author when we think about how those stories gave us joy. I hope that no one is beating themselves up over those stories being what they needed at any point in their lives. Because honestly, I cannot let either of them hurt me more than they already have by splashing sewage all over what I took from those stories. Those stories aren't them. Those stories aren't even theirs anymore. The stories are out in the world now, for anyone to do pretty much whatever they want with them that doesn't directly violate copyright law. I may not read them again (hell, I probably won't; I have my own history with that kind of sexual assault that makes even thinking about it hard for me, and not even getting into how my nonbinary ass feels whenever that TERF witch opens her mouth), but the stories mattered when I needed them.

The Dreaming has those stories now, and did the moment the first person who wasn't the author read them. It makes it a little easier for me to look back on how much those stories mattered, to see it that way. They were inspiring. They were a needed escape sometimes. They were a way to bond with new friends and old. The authors can't take that away by being shitheads.

(I would still like both of the authors to die in a sewage fire kthnxbai.)

[rinnsverse]

COFFEE: special.02 — fun facts

COFFEE: tim drake x gn!reader

SYNOPSIS: Tim meets a barista that gives him what he needed most — a large coffee with way to many shots of espresso. Though what happens when just a single action changes the other's life, forever?

coffee master list

assuming you have gone through the whole of my coffee smau — here’s some things that you might’ve not known, my headcanons, and external info

PLAYLIST: coffee — i made a playlist that i think fit this smau or just tim in general, so feel free to listen

coffee pg.00 was originally meant to just be a one-shot but I had the bright idea to turn it into a smau since I had been really interested in them at the time and I had already created the main casts profiles so i saw no reason to not go through with it

originally reader was supposed to be adopted and have 2 moms but I didn’t know if you guys would necessarily want that or how relatable that would be so I scrapped it and went with unnamed overbearing mother and father

i actually had this idea back in December of 2022 and meant to post it on wattpad yes ik laugh at me but i didn’t have the guts to do so and I already had a lot of unfinished work that will remain unfinished

this smau also sprouted up bcuz i had gotten back into the dc rabbit hole bcuz of this goddamn site

I had also originally planned for reader to give Tim a sticky note attached to his coffee that said something along the lines of: “Good luck with whatever you need 8 shots of espresso for :)” but I for some reason didn’t so the special note at the end of the pages didn’t rlly make any sense

tim might be a genius but he has a terrible sense of direction which is multiplied tenfold when he’s sleep deprived, hence why he almost dropped you off at the wrong apartment once — pg.04

duke being readers bsf happened cuz i personally believe duke deserves more content about him

duke also always somehow manages to be the messenger bird whenever both you and tim have a fight given how tim's first resort is the silent treatment and you're petty enough to give it back so the most the two of you ever communicate during that time is through duke — pg.15

on that same note harley has become your couple counselor which always manages to become awkward due to the sole fact tim is trying his best to subtly glare at harley since she has repeatedly tried to break his kneecaps when he was on red robin duty; again, petty

this was written by a person who has never worked at a coffee shop before so if you see and inaccuracies and have worked at one, feel free to call me out on it — not so i can fix, but bcuz i find my mistakes hilarious dont ask why, i just do

i still struggle on how i format the titles of the pages and always have to look back on my previous posts to remember how i typed things out

i also suck at developing feelings and crushes with characters so if it seems rushed or sucks that will be my one and only excuse given the fact that i find it extremely hard to even gain a crush irl

nothing was proofread

tims favorite taylor swift album is evermore i may or may not make seperate headcanons about that later

planning on posting a wattpad version of this fic sometime this year, i am still debating on starting an ao3 acc since the only thing i ever do on there is simply just read fics and im not sure if i like/understand ao3's format enough to start tho

TAGLIST: @grandstrangerphantom @marsbars09 @fabitheraven @lovelypitasworld @dyjcksn @mae77eris @sugarrush-blush @djchik @soundsfunbutno @apizzacalledmel @strangetrashblog @cipheress-to-k-pop @harleycao @unhingedtimdrake @a-homosexual-homosapien @aquarii-doodles @love-stay @criminallycan @hecate-frenchfries @job-ross-the-second

[thewondelandifulcafe]

Riddle Rosehearts: Becoming Lovers Being Lovers

Title: Riddle Rosehearts: Becoming Lovers Being Lovers

Menu: Twisted Wonderland

Beverage: Rose Milk Tea

Main Dish(es): Macarons

Side Dish(es): Pie: Pumpkin Pie

Spoilers: None

Trigger Warning: None

Summary: How did you meet Riddle? First thoughts? How did he realize he likes you? How did he confess? First date? First kiss? How is he as a boyfriend?

Notes: Y/N as always Gender Neutral.

First Meeting/First Thought

Riddle may have met you at the orientation but he paid no attention to you.

But because of your involvement with Ace and Deuce Riddle thinks that you’re a troublemaker as well. 

He also belittled you for your lack of magic and education.

He didn’t really think much of you and thought of you as useless or unimportant.

“Y/N is such a troublemaker,” Riddle sips his tea. “Maybe you shouldn’t judge them to harshly,” Trey said siting down next to Riddle. “They’ve probably had a rough week.” Riddle crossed his legs. Riddle sighed, “They were an accomplice why shouldn’t I see them as troublesome.” Trey looked at Riddle. “It’s surprising how much trouble a magic-less person can cause,” Riddle said sternly. “Riddle…” Trey sighed giving up cause once Riddle makes up his mind there’s no changing it.

Realizes He Likes You

After Riddle's overblot, he apologize you for his actions and you two become very good friends. 

Ever since he always wants to impress you.

Riddle always invites you to Heartslabyul's unbirthday parties. He also always wants Trey to make treats just for you.

Riddle asks Trey why he wants you to have the best and the fluffy feeling he has around you. 

“I think you have a crush on them,” Trey told Riddle. Riddle ponder, A crush? I don’t remember ever having one. Of course Mother never let me talk to others… “So I have on them? What do I do?” Riddle asked. He stepped a little closer to Trey waiting for an answer. “Well some people wait for them to pass or some tell them,” Trey wiped his hand with the towel. “I suggest to tell them.” Riddle freaked out a bit. Tell you how? He thanked Trey and went to his dorm brainstorming ideas of how to confess to you.

How Did He Confess

Today just was not his day. He was definitely hit by a bad luck spell. He planned out this whole speech, gifts, how you would react, he prepared himself for rejection.

He went to find you after class. He couldn’t find you! After an hour of searching he finally found you.

His carefully planned speech gone he couldn’t remember! He forgot the gifts! Ace messed up a spell it went flying to you! Everything was going wrong… You two left and it started rain! 

He gave up. He just yelled that he loves you and wants to be with you. He kept yelling nonsense until you told him you liked him back.

“Y/N I LOVE YOU AND I WANT TO BE WITH YOU!” Riddle screams. It was pouring and the perfect day he planned went astray. Riddle started yelling nonsense. “Riddle Riddle RIDDLE!” You yelled. Riddle stopped he looked at you. “Riddle I love you too!” you said. “But don’t scream it terrifying!” You laughed and hugged Riddle. Maybe today was so bad. 

First Date/First Kiss

Riddle learned from his mistakes he checked the weather made sure nothing would happen but mentally prepared himself if something went wrong.

He took you to a fancy restaurant outside of the school. He thought it be nice for you to get out (he also didn’t wanna see Floyd)

He paid everything and even took you shopping! 

When he walked you to Ramshackle you gave him thank you kiss. You left him flustered and he walked back to Heartslabyul happily!

“Thanks for the amazing date!” You smiled. “Of course you need the best,” Riddle held you hand. You two walked towards Ramshackle. “Well thanks bye Riddle,” you gave Riddle a kiss. You waved bye and left Riddle flustered. “Yea bye…” He trailed off watching you close the door. He touched his lips and softly smiled. He walked back to Heartslabyul happily. He was a little less strict than usual. 

General Boyfriend Headcannons

Any date you go on Riddle overthinks everything. Thinking it has to perfect which you always remind him it doesn’t matter.

He still invites you to Heartslabyul's unbirthday parties but wants you to sit next to him.

He always offers to tutor you in anything you don’t understand.

He tends to be more lenient with you when you break the rules but still expects you to follow them.

He doesn’t like PDA but likes it when you’re alone and you give him affection.

Ok so I’m gonna do this for every character in twisted wonderland and than other fandoms!

[justsome-di]

Hi! Wanted to let you know that I really love your take on Nano and the evolution of it through time. I also quit the whole thing for the same reasons around 2016 after two years. I was curious: what are your expectations for a healthy writing community? I've seen that a lot of people want different things and conflict happen because nobody really talks about it. The most people are willing to say is the obvious don't be an asshole (although obviously that doesn't stop some), but I rarely see people say things like "I don't want to share my writing but I do want to share the efforts of it" or "I want to talk about every details of my stories and brainstorm with others" and things like that. So what are your thoughts on it? P.S. I started following you and then I found out you're also into MDZS XD Love that!

Hi!!

When I think of a healthy writing community, I think about two 12-year-olds sharing their grand story ideas and their original characters that are master-level wizards at age 19 or famous detectives at 15 and the two 12-year-olds gush over each other's ideas and draw their characters and help each other come up with names and ideas and titles.

I think writing communities really thrive when people are encouraged to share their ideas and can get a positive response. There's times to critique works and times to just hype people up--and I think people really do not know the difference.

I've noticed a few, consistent issues:

Competition: I think some writers get competitive over how fast they write, how much, how often, etc. And I've been in some Discord servers when a person is suddenly getting praise or recognition, and you can tell there's tension. Suddenly people stop talking and log off. There's a lot of battle of the egos.

Different skill levels in one space: this is a big issue, though it's not anyone's fault. I've noticed that some writers in some servers are well-experienced with great writing and then other writers are beginners. It's not a big deal, really, but it does hamper feedback. Beginner writers get discouraged and overwhelmed when well-experienced writers offer more detailed critiques. And likewise, experienced writers probably aren't getting super in-depth critiques they need. Not to say people are unsupportive, but it's just not the most productive set up!

Selfishness: I'm not sure if that's the best way to phrase it, but I've noticed that often people will share their writing in servers but not interact with other's writings.

These are pretty limited to Discord which imo isn't a productive space for large writing groups anyway. But unfortunately when a lot of people move to Discord, it's hard to find a sense of community on tumblr or other sites.

But I can't just bitch and not offer suggestions so:

Keep online communities alive. We can't limit ourselves to Discord servers. Post your writing. Engage with other blogs. Reblog. Reply. Send in asks. If you're reading something someone wrote, let them know. Say something in the tags or send in an ask.

Be a hype man: We should encourage each other to continue writing--not everyone is looking for critiques all the time

Know your place: I've seen way too many people shit on ideas for events or special blogs. If you see something that you don't like, just leave it be. If you're not interested in something, it's not for you. Let the micro-communities do their thing and find their people. You do not need to be involved in every facet of the general writing community.

Post. Your. Writing. Or post stuff about your writing. It's hard to find other writers when they don't share! I can't hype up your story if I don't know about it!

I often see a lot of suggestions get vague. Like you said--"Don't be an asshole." Okay. Great. But what does that mean? And how does it get enforced in moderated communities like servers? What if the mods of the servers are assholes?

Or I see "support each other!" Okay, but we need an actual game plan for getting early-2010s level of community back. We need to bring back ask memes and character memes and ask culture. Because people back then weren't just twiddling their thumbs waiting for an interaction, there was effort put into all of it. People were designing games and events and taking time to engage with each other.

I don't think people understand that healthy communities need to be nurtured and inclusive. And this is definitely glamorizing the internet of 10-15 years ago. There's always been bullying and toxic people. But I think we could definitely build on what used to be and make something that's mature and welcoming to everyone.

I'm hoping with NaNo on their steady decline through the past couple of years really encourages people to rekindle other online communities. I think a lot of people have been nostalgic over the past few days, and a lot of people have taken the initiative to coordinate their own events. It's starting to bring back some of the unconditional support that used to exist.

(I love mdzs so much omggg and I'm reading through tgcf too and I aaaahhhh I'm very normal about it)