#i also just hope it doesnt burn me the fuck out and i crash in a couple months. genuinely the biggest worry

[angelstrawbabie420]

turns out leaving the house and working for something and socializing has actually been extremely good for me (so far). more flabbergasting news at 11

[sitp-recs]

I just finished a great romcom and now Im wondering do you have Drarry recs that are romcom-y? It doesnt have to explicitly labeled as such but just a vibe...you know that after a serious of little hick ups and An Airport Run for True Love a pop banger playing in the background vibe :D

Hi anon! Oh that’s such an exciting ask, I’ve had lots of fun thinking about this one. I feel like I haven’t read enough romcom, would love to explore this genre further. I hope you enjoy these!

Mad Blood Stirring by provocative_envy (E, 3k) - Hockey AU

It's not like they've been angrily hooking up on the sly since meeting at a Juniors skills camp in fucking Manitoba four years ago, except that's exactly what they've been doing.

Burning Down the House by @peachpety (M, 4k)

Harry is happy as editor-in-chief of The Quibbler. From planning to printing, design to deadlines, he enjoys being in the hot seat. And after vanquishing Voldemort, managing fires is an easy part of the job. Until his scorching crush on his impeccably dressed fashion editor flares out of control, and he's forced to face actual fires.

Per my last letter (I hope you choke on it) by @fluxweeed and @lastontheboat (T, 10k)

Or: the one where Harry has writer’s block and Malfoy isn’t helping.

Love, Actually, is All Around by @punk-rock-yuppie (T, 10k)

It's Christmastime, and Harry has just started as the new Minister of Magic. It just so happens that Draco works in his office as well, a holdover from Kingsley's tenure. Naturally, love is in the air.

Title of Their Sex Tape by @cibeewastaken (T, 12k)

What are the Wizarding world's most elite law enforcers doing when they aren't catching criminals? It seems Auror Malfoy is often caught throwing food into Auror Potter's mouth when he's mid-yawn. This story isn't about Draco throwing food at Harry. What it does have is: Undercover! Heists! Draco pining for Harry! Harry being oblivious, but also can't help noticing how good Draco smells! Banters and jokes! That's about it.

Crash (Into Me) by @sweet-s0rr0w (T, 14k)

Harry’s done plenty of ridiculous things for charity over the years, but Robards’ latest scheme really takes the biscuit. Or rather, the teacake. Good job Malfoy’s there to suffer alongside him this time, eh?

Yours Truly by @skeptiquewrites (M, 15k)

Every single one of Harry’s exes has gone on to marry the next person they date, and with the upcoming nuptials of numbers six and seven to each other, Harry’s feeling exhausted by it all. It doesn’t really matter if he lets people assume Draco Malfoy is his boyfriend for a moment of peace. In any case, Draco’s been away for five years and there’s no way he would find out, right?

The Courting by the Pureblood Who Only Has Five Milligrams of Romantic Intelligence and Thinks He’s Real Smooth by @cibeewastaken (T, 19k)

Draco could grab Potter and shove him into a stall before proceeding to suck his soul out of his dick, but secretly, deep down, in the part of Draco that he will never admit to anyone, he is (everyone pauses to shudder) a romantic. Potter is not someone Draco wants a one-off with. Potter is — Draco’s beloved!

Jumeaux by VivacissimoVoce (M, 19k)

Draco and Blaise own and operate a luxury spa resort together, and the Ministry's Auror department has scheduled a full service three-day retreat. Guess who's on the guest list?

Little Red Courgette by @blamebrampton (T, 31k)

When this season's purple courgettes are woefully thin, Draco Malfoy thinks it amounts to small beans. Next thing he knows, the Department of Standards is over-run with leeks, Brussels sprouts all sorts of legislative difficulties, and somebody appears to have put a roquette under Harry Potter. Can Draco seize a marrow victory? Or will his plans for peas be squashed?

The Four Ds of Apparition (or: Destination, Determination, Deliberation, and Dicks) by eidheann, firethesound (E, 36k)

After transferring to the Apparition Department, Harry's life becomes one big dick joke. And all his friends are arseholes. So is Malfoy, but what else is new? AKA Harry Potter and the eighteen twenty dicks.

Rookie Moves by peu_a_peu (E, 75k)

Aurors Potter and Malfoy crack the case.

Soup-pocalypse and The Great Curry Cataclysm by SquadOfCats (E, 104k)

Eleven years after the war, Draco Malfoy leads a quiet, boring, and perfectly respectable life, thanks very much. Or, at least he does, until a sudden and very unexpected veela awakening causes him to throw soup all over Harry Potter in the middle of the Ministry cafeteria.

[avpdgirlfriend]

the urge to straight up ask. "is [parasite] more important to you than i am" but that's kind of bad innit

[cure-typhoon]

While i love Davekat, I kinda really hate how Karkat has just become "the boyfriend"

How he now is just Dave's boyfriend who is a really emotional guy who likes bad romance movies and is grumpy all the time (but that for some reason doesnt involve black/pale/ash romance anymore because reasons I guess) and kisses Dave's problems away while ignoring his own i guess

And how people kinda forget all his other relationships! Like yeah Dave is his boyfriend but he has other friends! Pre-game karkat had 11 friends!! Post-game Karkat has June, Jade and Rose as well! I don't think he made a string bond with the alpha kids but i'm sure we could at least try to come with one lol

People make him such a boyfriend that they forget that he is his own character with issues (guy with anger issues who lives in murder planet who cannot share that he cares not only because it would be considered weird but also because his existence is fucking illegal and he does not need the attention it would bring him) and a person who makes strong bonds with other people and cares so much (like I said, ELEVEN friends pre-game, pulled together by scotch tape so they don't kill eachother, like i'm sorry but He was a good leader! Everything just burned and crashed together because they we're unlucky!! They literally had no hope, thats why things turn out that way!), he makes such an impresion on June that she still wants to meet him even when they talked for ONE DAY and he was an ass for most of it!!

Anyway dumb long rant, I didnt even talked about how davekat affected Dave but tbh i'm sure someone who knows him better as a character would make a better job than me anyway

[dammarchy211]

1. do u mind if ppl make ur art their icons? Just curious!!

2. I love your cryptid kidz take!! Im curious if youre planning on including any other fandoms, and the age differences between the kids (I HOPE THIS DOESNT COME OFF IN A WEIRD WAY i was wondering bc dibs so tall in comparison to the other kids)?? Im so curious about ur thoughts on their individual dynamics with one another!! Or what the gals think of each other :3!! or if tak will show up..

SORRY FOR THE BIG BLOCK OD QUESTIONS I LOVE STUFF LIKE THIS IT MAKES ME SO HAPPY... Ur art style is really cool so it really caught my attention!!

(I had a big paragraph written and tumblr crashed while I was writing it :,,-) )

It’s ok I love questions!!!

1. No I don’t mind! Just credit me in ur bio or smth

2. I probably won’t be including any other fandoms as to not clutter it, as well as the fact I was kind going off a formula of nerd kid + his sister. No particular reason, just for a pattern ig?

The age differences between the kids r Raz- 10, Jude- like 12 (I say like as he doesn’t actually have a canon age lol), Dib- 12 like in the iz movie, and Dipper- 13. I made Dib taller to add variety to their designs when put next to each other and also because all of the kids in iz are basically the same height I thought I’d say fuck it and have some fun with it lol

(For simplicity, Ford will refer to Ford pines, and Cruller will refer to Ford Cruller lol)

As for dynamics, Jude and Dib would get along Rlly well, just kinda as an instant click type thing since they have so many similarities. They’re all definitely friends but I feel like Dipper and Jude would but heads the most. Dipper tends to be really cautious, and while Jude does exercise caution, it’s usually for more ‘nonsensical’ reasons. Jude has a more reckless idea of problem solving (ie wanting to just shoot the cultists and burn down their hideout in act 1) and that wouldn’t really sit well with Dipper lmao. Dipper also would try to like, assert himself as letter with all of his planning shit but it probably wouldn’t work that well. Jude and Dib are also the most unhinged out of the 4 so Dipper and Raz are like 🤨 a lot. Raz would get along with all of them very well, however there’d definitely be at least a little bit of “you’re like 10 how come you get to be able to do all of this cool stuff???” And the other 3 would ask him a bunch of questions constantly because “omg you’re really psychic???? Lemme take notes.” Dammek would try to lead them around or “supervise” them as like the “cool older teen friend” but he has even less common sense then the 4 of them and the worst advice— Dammek high school bullies Zim. Gaz, Frazie, and Joey would kinda just be like “ew it’s my nerd brother and his nerd friends.” But still hang out with them, Mabel on the other hand just regular hangs out with them bc she doesn’t want Dipper to go on adventures without her! The girls would get along pretty good as well, however I feel like Joey would be Kinda cold to Mabel bc she has a tendency to be a little mean to people when they’re more social or optimistic than her, but she would get over it eventually and they can talk about animals or sparkly stickers or something jfhdjdjd. Xefros is a little upset that Raz is psychic because telekinesis used to be his thing and now there’s a kid that’s like 4/5 years younger than him and better at it 😔 the 4 boys would probably follow Roxy, Ford, Sasha, and Cruller around a lot because they wanna! Do science stuff n go on adventures and missions! Stan would also try to have fun with the kids but in a Stan sorta way. Sasha would so get into an Argument w/ Prof. Membrane they would hate eachother— Any of the alien enjoyers would be SO STOKED about Dammek, Xefros, and Zim (even tho zim keeps insisting that he is, In fact, not an alien). Tbh Dammek n Xef probably already know what Irkens are and Zim probably already knows what trolls are (and would probably freak out if he found out the condensce/Betty Crocker was on earth lol) Raz and Zim also get “huh u guys sound similar” a lot (I wonder why D-: /s).

OK THATS ENOUGH RAMBLING!! I just have so many thoughts for this flghdkgfisheudd

[mariaiscrafting]

My opinion on general fandom opinion is so limited just because I have curated my experience so well. Mcyttwt is a hellhole but there are nice people there who brings up interesting points. And that's just me judging from seeing what shit is going down and half of stan twt doing the most stupid thing and the other half calling them out. It's like. We have become very comfortable with tumblr that I get the gut feeling that some bad stuff will go down here bc we are not better, never will be. It's just the way the platform is built that allow us to in general have a more pleasant experience.

Then there are obviously different degrees of hell. The purity culture stuff that seems so deeply rooted in stan culture worries me. And I have been a part of fandoms there you couldn't go on the maintag without being disgusted by the fandom. I might just be paranoid but just because you dont see it doesnt mean its not there ya know?

Anyway hope you have a good day!

lotta things to unpack here.

first, my fandom opinion is likely v curated as well. i think i got a good, general perspective on mcyttwt and mcytblr at first, when i first joined, but first when i unfollowed lots of fetishizers on mcyttwt when i still had that account, and ever since i unfollowed lots of dream stan blogs/blogs that defended dream's reddit thing on here, it's probably become much more biased and tailored to my own perspective. thus why they call social media sites the perfect places to create your own echochamber.

second, yeah, of course there are still people on mcyttwt who are like sane and intelligent. it's just very hard to grasp that intelligence in the mess of idiot stans, and also hard for people to convey any kinda nuanced or good point w such a character limit/w how twitter search functionality works.

third, i also agree that we're not better. we are different, simply by nature of this site attracting different people from twitter and because of structural differences in how the sites function, but better? no. depending on the user you ask, some might say that this side of the fandom has already proven its scuminess. i'd say it has since the reddit thing. some would say ever since dream smp stans started invading the site, some would say once dream cheated and people flooded their dashes w rabid stan behavior in his defense, some would say once sbi/techno/tommy were canceled/semi-canceled. some might still say that mcytblr is the best side of the fandom, at least compared to reddit, tik tok, or twitter. those people might also say that there will never come a time when mcytblr implodes in a similar way that mcyttwt has been as of late (by as of late... i more mean since may lmao). but :shrugs:

fourth, that's an interest point, about going through fandoms' tags. i remember that, when i'd go through the tag of a new fandom i was interested in or that some of my followers/moots were posting a lot about, just out of curiosity, only to get jumpscared by whatever freaky shit people were posting on the main tag. i feel a bit the same when i go through some dream smp tags now. dream smp is fine. so are the tags for happy duo, wilbur soot, & anyone in badlands/eggpire. but sometimes i go through sbiblr, beeblr/booblr/enthusiastblr, dtblr tags and... just... for every 5 posts there'll be 1 guy who's just so fucking weird, posting some twitter-level take or freaky thing, and just... i can see the decline of the fandom, is all. i think it's inevitable, and i kinda don't wanna be around for when it reaches its lowest.

hope you come back to my inbox sometime, anon. maybe when this fandom has crashed and burned, once tumblr's moved on from the ashes of the dream smp. until then ✌️

[joannaliceevans-fanficblog]

One Year later...

You found yourself back in the same spot, a year ago. Sitting on the moist sand, watching the waves crash together. It's your best friend, Denise's birthday and every year, she celebrates in Hyannis.

You've been through a lot and still trying to manage get through it. Your taking slowly day by day. It was also, this time around that Chris found you, after that disastrous break and sent you into a deep depression.

You wanted to accept him back into your life, but you couldnt. The damage has been done. No matter what he has told you, you just couldn't. No matter how much you love and missed him. You can tell that he was hurt by your decision, but he accepted and walked out.

But as he left, you didnt know why it hurt so much. Its like it ripped your heart out again. You tried your best, to move past this, but this time around it was harder than the last. And you weren't able to hide your pain.

"Hey stranger." You heard that familiar voice. You turned around to see Scott standing there.

"I'm guessing your in town?" You asked, not getting up from your spot.

"Yes, I am acctually. Di invited me and Zach." Scott said and you heard his footsteps and took a seat next to you.

"You know I miss you squirt." Scott told you. You sighed, and gave a small smile.

"I do too Scott." You said, quietly. Scott sighed and placed a hand onto your shoulder.

"Can tell you something? I know your still broken, but I need to say this." Scott mentioned.

"Go ahead." You said, not looking at him. Scott sighed again.

"I know my brother made a mistake and he knows that. But, hes in a big mess right now. I havent seen him, this depressed in a long time. He really wanted to work things out with you. Chris, was hoping that you would take him back, that one day." Scott paused for a moment.

"I warned him, that it wouldn't be that easy and now he knows." Scott finished. You sighed.

"I know, and that's my goal Scott. He has no idea Scott, he has no fucking idea what I went through. You seen me, date other guys and I'm okay. But Chris was different, hes been there for me. He made me happy, and for him to take that away? He deserves it." You say.

"Y/N, I know but hes mess. Like I said, earlier. He's struggling, its like hes dead inside. Look, I'm not asking you take him back, I'm asking if you can just talk to him. Maybe you will change your mind, maybe you wont. As long, as you talk to him. He needs you." Scott told you. You sat up and faced Scott.

"It doesnt matter Scott. The damage has been done. Let him suffer pain, the feel of losing someone, that meant so much to you. Let him feel broken." You said and walked away. Scott sighed and he too sat up and ran after you.

"Chris is here, I told him that it's not a good idea. But he insisted. Please, just go and see him. Both of you are broken, and need closer." Scott said, and stopped in front of you. You turned around to see Scott holding a set of keys.

**

@denisemarieangelina @jtargaryen18 @patzammit @kelbabyblue @evansislife @onetwo3000 @icanfeelastormbrewing @princessofdarkwinter @what-is-your-plan-today @what-just-happened-bro @imanuglywombat @iguessweallcrazyithinktho @star-spangled-beard-burn @shellbilee @southerngracela @jennmurawski13

[tiny-pun]

Have you considered a bit of prompt where the both hero and villian are taking a break because how bloody they are and they start verbally fighting and hero says somthing along the line of"I have to be good, I have to be the hero" and villian retorts with among the lines of "Your no hero" Thanks my dude, also honored to be your first prompt giver.I always love to see your writing pop up.

Hey! Thank you honestly so much! I know this sounds kinda cheesy but I'm honestly so happy about your feedback!

And thank you for the prompt! I believe you meant it in a more funny, sarcastic kind of way but I just wrote what came into my mind and it went a different route. Sorry.

But I'm gonna come back to this prompt when I'm in a more fitting mood! Anyway I hope you like this!

-----------------

The sounds of their swords and their continuously shorter breaths was the only think the hero could hear. With every clash, it was if their energy was dragged out of their own body, fighting a war with their body itself, to stay for just a little while longer. But the fight has been going on for too long and the tremble of their body was bordering on violent. The hero barley escaped the villians sword, pressing their own sword just enough against the others, just enough to not be sliced in two.

Now there was only the panting for air to be heard. The hero vaguely registered that the villian was in just as bad of a shape now, as they were. That neither of them had the power for another collision of swords. That their only chance was to push harder, to make the other surrender by being the last one to stand, even if that meant standing there, trembling, bleeding and out of energy. But before the hero had time to process, let alone act on them, they buckled. It wasnt clear who lost their balance first and it didnt really matter now did it? .

With barley a sound, their swords started gliding down on one another, and with them their wielders.

Tho everything seemed to suddenly slow down, the ground coming closer and closer, the hero was unable to react properly. Shortly before they collided with a ground, they held up their arms a little, knowing full well how much that will hurt. But better than their head.

The hero tried to focus on their breath, taking air in, longer and deeper with every breath. Their head was buzzing and the ringing in their ears filled up any other senses. It was as if their body existed only to the end of their lungs, pounding against their ribcage, taking away their senses. Curling their hands into fists, the hero tried to get a grasp of their body again. Trying to remember how to feel it and even more so: how move it. With a couple more longer and deeper breaths, the hero tried to sit up. It took longer than they wanted but when they finally sat, clutching their chest, hoping it would ease the burn in their lungs, they could finally think clearly again. They pressed their eyes closed, trying to focus a bit more for a second and then tried to keep moving.

This time it was easier. Somewhat at least. They tried not to stare at the villian or to think of their obviously failed mission. But it seemed like they were cursed with exactly that. The villian looked just as defeated in all the wrong ways, they felt themselves. Down on the ground, bleeding and panting, with an expression screaming, they weren't done yet. The villian rolled onto their back, closing their eyes. The hero tried not to think of the amount of pain the villian must be in. And how all of this was their fault.

'It doesn't matter.' The hero tried to tell themselve. ' they're a villian. They deserved this. If they just would've listened, if they would've tried to do better, to BE better, this wouldn't have happend'. More convincing. But it only working barley. 'Just cause they did a few things wrong, doesn't mean, they deserve THIS', another part of them argued.

The hero collapsed onto the wall the villian had already pulled themselves up against. They sighed.

"This isn't over. Just so were clear." The hero finally croaked out. " This isn't over." The hero could feel the villians gaze boring into them. "Why ?" The villians voice quivered but the hero couldn't really judge them. After all, they weren't in a much better shape either. They tried to gather themselves enough to answer. "What do you mean 'why'? " "Why do you always have to keep fighting? Why are you doing this?" The villian sounded desperate now, fear and confusion laceing their voice equally.

The hero still didnt dare to look at the villian. To scared what they'd see. Too scared to wonder about, who would heal the villians wounds, who would embrace the villian and comfort them, when they got home. Too scared to remember they weren't supposed to think about these kind of things.

" I have to. I have to do good. To BE good. To be a hero." The lack of firmness surprised them. The flatness of their voice, combined with a lulled voice sounded unconvincing. Even to themselves.

"You're no hero"

The hero hadn't been prepared for their body flinching this hard. All of their wounds seemed to close and reopen again, stones settling heavily in their stomach.

The villians whisper cut deeper than their sword could've ever had.

With burnin eyes and trembling lips, the hero finally turned their head, meeting the villians eyes. Keeping their hand, pressed tightly to their chest again, as if to hold their body together and keeping it from shaking so violently, the hero could barley hear their own words. "What?", they whispered, just as desperately as the villian had earlier. They knew it was a foolish question. One they shouldn't have asked, furthermore shouldn't have even THOUGHT about asking. Since when did a hero need the validation of their villian?

But the hero knew that this wasn't about validation. Or at least it shouldn't be. It should be about moral. About what is right and fair and what is wrong and unfair. 'Everybody knows: the lines between those things are blurred. Sometimes what is right isn't fair and what's fair isn't right.', the voice in their head was taunting them. 'Maybe it wasnt really taunting, maybe it was begging?', the hero contemplated.

"You're no hero. I know you think you a-." The villian coughed and then pulled themself up, to sit a little more comfortable. It didn't look more comfortable. ' But how could it, when-' "I know you think you are a hero but you're not.", the villian interrupted their thoughts.

"Look at the mess you've made of the city. How many buildings crashed and burned because of you. How many people were in it, you couldn't save. That I couldn't save. And look at me! Look at yourself! How long are you gonna fight for them? For what they represent? Its obvious, that you dont believe in them. That you're just doing you're task, like you're a robot. Making excuses after excuses, that you're doing the right thing, never looking back at the chaos you create just to point fingers at everyone else. So tell me: Why? Why are you fighting a fight that you dont believe in? What do they have on you? Just: Why?"

The hero hadn't noticed how close the villian had come. How they were now basically leaning into one another. Their opponents eyes were filled with tears and desperation, their hands twisting the heros shirt.

'They dont have anything on me.', Is what they don't say. 'I'm helping them because I want to. Cause I belie-'

Memories of their time with the Organisation, of their training, of their fights filled the heros mind. The time they were recruited, how happy they were to be part of something, something big. The first time they managed to be top of their class and how since then, that hadn't changed a day. All the times they ditched a party or meeting or hang out in favour of going up against the villian. All the times they've been told about the evil nature of the villian. All the times they berated themselves for doubting the Organisation. All the times they wondered 'what was even the point in fighting this fight, if the ones, who seemed to truly believe in the fight, wouldn't dare to fight it themselves. Who would rather sit behind a monitor and lecture them on all the ways they fucked it up this time.

"Say something. " The villians desperate cries pushed them back into reality, into the present. "Dammit. Just say something. Why aren't you sayi-" The hero caught the villians hand, that had reached out to take a swing, which wouldn't have done any damaged anyway.

"I'm sorry." The hero finally croaked out. "I am so sorry." The hero finally took in all the damage they had done to the villian not only half an hour ago. Examining the villians torn clothes revealing, purple bruises and red, angry cuts. Examining the broken gear, hanging off of their belt and the bloodied ground. Examining the beheaded statue nearby and cuts in the ground and walls, marking the frequently rising violence of their fight.

Finally the heroes gaze dropped back onto the villian. At their messed up hair and busted lip, just to follow the path of a long gone tear back into the villians eyes. "I am so sorry.", the hero repeated. This time their voice didnt crack. Instead there was the firmness and passion, they had missed before. The villian held their gaze for few calculating seconds, nodded and leaned into the hero. The hero laid a protective arm around them, pulling them even closer, ignoring the pain it caused.

The hero knew they had a lot to make up for. A lot of things to take a responsibility for. Afterall the fight wasn't over yet. But it was between the two. Them against the Organisation. And at the next fight, the hero had a hunch, they will actually believe they are a hero. And more importantly: they will belive in the fight itself. Cause what is a hero worth, what's a fighter worth, who doesnt believe in the war they're fighting?

[jensenackle]

so, falling in love? the greatest thing in the world. makes u feel invencible like you could swallow the entire world raw and nobody could stop you. You'd like to think you could go on and on forever talking about love but its been so long you dont even remember anymore

getting your heart broken? well that is something. at first you feel like its the end of the world. And you know what? it kinda is. not in the "im going to die because of this" way, but instead, its like you wake up from the haze and reality hits you in the chest so damn hard it takes your breath away. it is raw and the most painful thing in the world, to think the person you trusted and loved more than anyone just betrayed your trust and stabbed you in the back. its not that they're unfaithful the thing that hurts, not entirely, but rather that they knew it would hurt you, and they did it all the same. and then lied about it. And you know damn well that once you start telling lies you can never stop and now you're like a snowball tumbling down getting bigger as the moments pass by, but its all gonna come crashing down inevitably. its losing the trust you had put in that person and now you cant even believe your etes because nothing seems true anymore. Is the sky really blue? The grass green? Or am i just blind to the truth?

trying to work things out means forgiveness and apologies and forgetting and getting over. it truly means turning the page around, period. there's no other way, you can't bend this to work like you'd like. Because that's when things get ugly. And i mean really fucking ugly and you feel like you've lost yourself because suddenly you're acting like you've never have before, like you said you never would. And its new and terrifying and so bad and ugly you're scared you're stepping into the darkest version of you and you don't even recognize yourself.

you start asking yourself questions, like what have they done to me? but also what have i allowed people to turn me into? and also why? Mostly why. And you can't wrap your head around this, because life was like a bliss and you felt divine but now you feel like someone's attached an anchor to your ankle and thrown you to the deepest ocean and youre sinking and drowning and struggling, and you know life changes fast but why did it have to change to this? did i really deserve it?

but you didn't deserve it. The betrayal and feeling like dying and the depression and that one time when you first stepped outside your house in the aftermath, after weeks of being in bed and not sleeping at all barely eating and crying yourself to sleep, and you couldn't keep the tears from falling or the sobs from coming out your mouth because you were overwhelmed. You didnt deserve it, and you werent responsable for that either. None of it was your fault, and maybe the guilt of "what if i had done anything different?" will leave your body someday.

But it was them. They're the ones that screwed you over and then claimed to love you. You can understand now, though, that they're humans because we all are and we all make mistakes. But you can't forgive, him treating you like a fool and lying and going behind your back. You've never forgotten nor forgiven. And you had to get back at him didn't you? Had to have your revenge.

But he didn't deserve it either and that eats you up but you wont do anything about it because its not your place to do so. Because you'll try to justify yourself but you were in the wrong. Tried to convince yourself you were over and done, could fall in love again, and he wasnt a rebound. Nope, not all. He was the real thing. But you know now you were lying to yourself back then. He was convenient. And willing. And you kinda liked but you know he liked you a lot so you took advantage. I know its no fair putting it in those words, its not like you were conscious about what you were doing, so far down in denial, but its what you did anyway and now you have to own up to it. Now youve hurt a lot of people and yourself too, some didnt deserve it and some did, just because you tried to cover up your feelings. How did that work out for you, baby girl?

Getting back with an ex is a big no-no, you've learnt your lesson or you're starting to, trying to, wanting to. Because the shit thats in the past should fucking stay in the past. Its there for a reason anyway, digging it up will amount to nothing eventually. And im talking about feelings and emotions and situations and friendships and lovers. The whole deal. Whats dead should say well, dead. It died right? And trying to bring it back to life will make it morph into something new. But if youre lucky, like really fucking lucky, the new thing will be good and bright and beautiful. But if youre like me? Luck has never been on our side. And now the zombie will try to please you and you'll try to please him too until you find yourself reaching for the shotgun and pointing it right to them while they're coming for you.

Because the new is gonna be so exciting at first, like you've been missing out on life all the time you've been away from them like you finally can breath. But then the spell is over and reality hits you and guess what? It's ugly, obviously. It always was but you just didnt wanna see it but now the curtain is up and the blindfold is gone and you have to go and confront yourself and tell yourself the truth.

It'll be ages till you listen though. Denial, again. I kinda feel like that's become our thing. And nasty little habit, that is. And even when you finally start to listen, you will withdraw again. Reach out for the cover again. Because the truth is ugly and painful and you dont want that. You dont want to believe your fairytale love doesnt get happy ending, probably never will. And it will come crashing down and burning, like it has in the past, like you've so desperately tried to avoid. No one wants to face that

But life is what it is whether you like it or not and avoiding the inevitable will only make things harder and thats right - uglier. But maybe if you could hold on into that last bright thing... maybe you could fix it all. But you know you can't.

Too much shit has happened now. You've got baggage now. Not that you didn't have it before from your insecurities and years of teenage depression but it wasnt like this. Never like this. Back then you didn't like your self but you trusted your convictions and rules and now that you've done all the shit you said you wouldn't, who are you now? What do you believe in anymore? Do you believe in anything? Now you second guess.

You would have jumped had he asked. Would have done anything for him, and it sounds pretty but it isn't and you've lost yourself so damn deep you're never finding that again so it would be better to rebuild from scratch, right? But now you're longing and nostalgic for who you were, and what it was and how you felt. Like walking on clouds.

But then it hits you and you feel like you can't even breath: you don't feel like that anymore. And even if you want to turn your head away from this you can't. And now you have to do something. You owe it to yourself, after all. Can't waste more of her heart and time.

And it's a slow path. Bunch of rocks in the way. It's hard to walk and you keep turning back but keep walking forward because it's the only thing to do, even if you want to go back, and you want, but you cant. Hoping that you wont. Even if it hurts. For you.

And here we are at the end of things. The end of the world. The world you built for yourself and him that no longer will be and everything will die with it, the inside jokes and knowing each other and the old memories and the new memories and everything in between. Breaking up, if it was true love, will feel like dying because parts of you will (the ones you were with him and the ones he takes with you) and will feel like the world is shattering around you because it is.

Falling out of love? Not as fun as falling in. But you learn more. Lose a lot more than just people, but you lose perspective on the beauty of life and of love. Especially love. You become bitter and cynical. You desperately want to view life bright again because now it feels as if someone dimmed the lights. And at the same time you want to embrace the new thoughts. Arent sure which one is the bad and which the good, or if there is a good or bad at all, and now you're confused and conflicted.

It takes time. I'm still trying to figure out.

[genius11rare]

Figured id try this. AH  Chit chat livestream notes / QnA  7-10-20

because i'm weird i like “documenting” videos and (in this case) Live Streams. figured why keep this to myself so here. maybe one day ill just post a google docs link for a viewing copy but idk. So heres what i got for today seeing as the chitchat part will likely be cut off for the “real” video i may as well memorialize it. not perfect and may be kinda nonsensical but its what i could come up with.

Matt has a window…. With a balcony blocking above , pointless window. Red Web (trevors podcast)  “where he gets in over his head on the internet” “think if i just show them the episode of Technical Difficulties where i made garden lights into solar chargers i can get that tax kickback?” , Jacks neighbor with the tesla solar roof , having to train people to know how to install it . Ryan: “what are the odds he cant look outside at any given hour of the day and see atleast one human with a big piece of paper scratching their head” Elon Musk Starlink satellites for internet worldwide, Ryan “not saying that's _clearly_  a supervillain plot but if it was it wouldnt surprise me” , Ubisoft Far Cry teaser… oh its live action movie teaser clip- oh shit that's rendered!!! , teaser pick of a young Vaas with scars…. Ryan “Did he get them in the womb!?!?!?  Wanna know how i got these scars? Born with them don't know…”  “What is your fave type of cake?” Ryan: Chocolate (Lava)… don't put a sprinkle on it OR ILL SLAY YOU Jack: I mean is birthday a type of cake… Funfettis great Jeremy: both are stereotypical , Boston Creme cakes and Rum Cakes. Matt: Yellow cake with fudge frosting. “Pets and significant others are safe , what item do you grab in a house fire” Jack: Animation cel of the Dino DNA scene in Jurrassic Park (think i got it) Ryan: i mean my life looks alot like this corner , if i could burn this shit down to start with a new empty house i might even be happy. (chat Ryan your insurance is listening)  Jeremy: don't have much i really care about , just “well that sucks it burnt up” . Matt: first ever smash trophy i won , only one i still have. Chat answers “Photo albums , Ryans DeadPool Suit” “what games hope to be announced on microsoft stream?” Matt :  Fable 4 (Ryan ”surprised theyd try to bring it back past the press that is peter molyneu” Matt ” well now nothing holding them back , not those trees!”) Jack: not so much games but LockHeart the mini streaming Xbox. (Ryan: all those types of things have failed idk why they think - well they also made mixer and that went tits up so sure why not) Jeremy: microsoft doesnt really blow me away , arent really anything that im like “i HOPE they announce a sequel” Matt: know this isnt the right crowd but Banjo Kazzoie? Just added in smash , Crash Bandicoots got a new game it makes sense nows the time… i mean the time was already before this but fuck it do it anyway. Steffie says we are at almost 10 mil views on Achievement Knievel (9.95 mil)  Ryan “which one was that” (Jack and Jeremy) “that's Im Still In The Air” Ryan “oooohhh… now i know why i blocked it out… thought we titled it like “the greatest stunt ever” or atleast that's what we called it while making it” “rather fight 100 duck sized ChilledChaos (yey my boy chilled!) or 1 ChilledChaos sized duck?” Ryan “feel like the duck cuz atleast it still doesnt have thumbs” - Jeremy “or teeth , what is it gonna do it can bill and flipper you” Matt “i mean a bunch of tiny Chilleds can work together to kill you” Jeremy “right they will figure something out” Ryan “tiny chilled more dangerous he can infiltrate spaces i wouldnt expect to find him” “tv show / movie you could watch again for the first time what would it be?” Jack: Breaking bad and Endgame … but only if its with a crowd who is ALSO seeing it for the first time. Matt : The Office Ryan: Full Metal Alchemist (oh anime time) , everyone talks about Brotherhood but i really liked the original. Matt:  Brotherhoods a bit better but original is still good on its own (paraphrased). Ryan : had that twist at the end of “dafuq did this show just go?” made a movie based off it… skippable though. Jeremy: Futurama , *or erase all my knowledge of Whose Line* “Fave piece of Merch put out?” Jeremy: Geoff tanktop with the tribal skull. Ryan: *puts on classic gray achievement hunter hat* Jack: Extralife Posters if those count , like the Xmen AH one behind Ryan that Jon (Risinger i assume) and Pat (IDFK) made. Matt: Tiki Mugs. Jeremy “do you use those , make pina coladas?” Matt “often! When i get caught in the rain (GDI Matt) “ Chat alot saying FrontBack ,  one said Jacks Varsity Jacket. “Trapped in quarantine with a fictional character , who?” Jack: Macgyver maybe idk (Ryan: How about Dr Manhattan he could just fix it)  yeah like Q from star trek. Matt: GlaDOS but in potato form. Jeremy “theres a lot of anime girls id be ok being stuck with but idk their name” (i love jeremy)  a Matt: you want Lust from Full Metal Alchemist - Jeremy: That sounds great , (Ryan *Nods*) i can picture that i like it or if we keeping the Futurama train then Bender… think wed have A LOT of fun , and he wouldnt get me the virus! Ryan: no he would , hed deliberately try to get you  sick. Jeremy: hed bring people in “what occupation / person where you most surprised to find out was an AH fan?” Jack: Fun story im looking to learn how to Sauder , someone messaged me saying they're a fan if you need help , *hes the guy welding StarShip* Matt: well… anyone smart really… Jack (and Ryan) : the Dr Who Set/Prop designer (Ben) hes done some stuff us (think he snuck in a name plate on a show of Jack and Ryan name or something , saw a tweet about that before) Ryan: not really any that's surprising… there was the time Macauly Culkin wore our shirt (press my awesome button) “our” being RT  Jeremy: Cool meeting Xavier Woods but like we know hes a gaming fan and watches a lot of content like ours… still on Whose Line Johnathon Mangum is a AH fan , even messaging me at one point. Trevor in chat “what if president trump rode up in a Salad Chalice shirt” , Jack: one guy who bought it , like “im hip with the kids” Ryan: can you imagine someone less likely to be seen near a salad? Matt: I mean ryan he thinks he has to drink them so…. Jeremy: also been having a lot of solicitors recently for some reason… really annoying and during a pandemic. Ordered a sign thats basically “fuckoff im not answering the door LEAVE” , have a ring doorbell (some kind of doorbell app where you can talk to people at the door i guess?)  but when im recording cant be like “hang on a second - FUCKOFF” Ryan: i DO feel like you have the kind of job you could do that , if anything youd put them in the video like “hey you're live right now what you need” … Jack managed to crash 7D2D on my local system already that's a good sign (brief technical difficulties music playing as it cut to ryans screen in the game) 

[chaolavry]

sooo this is chaol like kale, and im harley like the motorcycle *finger guns* and i’d love to plot with all of you this is dumb long so i apologize !

『DANIEL SHARMAN ❙ CISMALE』 ⟿ looks like CHAOL AVERY is here for HIS SENIOR year as a BIOLOGY student. HE is 24 years old & known to be IDEALIST, BRAVE, DETACHED & OVERCRITICAL. They’re living in MORIS, so if you’re there, watch out for them. ⬳ OOC HARLEY. 23. CST. SHE/HER.

random bits.

pinterest board.

before college.

chaol was born into a family where the parents should probably have skipped being parents, they were detached, aggressive and infrequent their love was built on weekend long drug binges and screaming matches all day.

the kids were a shock, they were a beacon of the idea of change and as soon as they were born things would look up before crashing down just as fast, and eventually they would be shipped off to distant family members.

chaol was the last born and by the time he came along they had given up on the idea of change and hope, so as a young kid chaol witnessed everything that they would throw at one another figuratively and literally.

when chaol was around ten his parents were fighting one night and it was pretty standard yelling, blaming him, his father blaming his mother, anger i think you get the point. eventually his dad got a bit too aggressive.

( tw violence, abuse ) his anger was pointed towards chaol and that led to him hurting his son and while his mom wasn’t mother of the year she stepped between them.

in the morning once his dad was passed out drunk, chaol woke up to being left at his aunt and uncles. 

did they want to raise him nope, did they for a while yes - chaol was an angry child he was always getting into things he shouldn’t have been, always skipping class - staying out late, sneaking out the older he got the more things he did which just caused a bigger headache for his aunt and uncle.

as the years progressed and his anger at the world controlled him his aunt and uncle would eventually lose chaol to group homes but they didn’t really care it was a weight lifted. 

the group homes would lead to a foster home where he found discipline and someone that really believed in him and help calm him down

he was encouraged to try and apply for college, his grades were good he was smart but he never showed it, he was fine everyone seeing him as a grumpy boy.

currently.

he enrolled with no idea what he wanted to study he eventually landed on biology and was graced with a scholarship which is a shock he hasn’t fucked up

still kinda angry a lot currently also works part time as a barista and hates it, honestly is stupid and edgy because ‘feelings get you hurt blah blah’

chaol isn’t like as bad as he claims to be if you can push the dumb shit aside he has a good heart and really just wants to find a place to belong.

also does the occasional tutoring session for a little extra cash but i think he just does whatever he can to stay busy so he doesnt overthink

his birth mom recently has come back into his life and he feels like he owes her something so he ends up giving the money he makes from his job to her only saving a little for himself.

spend a lot of time high, talking nonsense or like skating around campus probably doing some tagging here and there

has a giant stuffed alien in his room, and probably only wears black, likes parties but acts as if he is tooooo coool *edgelord*

tldr.

a set of bad parents let chaol to develop an anger that would follow him into his childhood and teen years causing him to lash out. eventually he would land himself in group homes and eventually a permanent foster home. now he is here in college finishing his senior year as a biology major tryin to not be so trash

plots. these are just some ideas but im open to whatever ~

family he lived with - so basically the cousins whose parents raised him he was either little asshole to them or they had broke those walls down and got the nicer chaol

group home/foster home - probably the closest to family i guess all the misfit toys in one island ya know

exes good term - ya know a shockingly ex that turned out good maybe they just both felt like hey this isn’t working and we are better off as friends

exes on bad terms- we crashed and burned and now we’re both just angry

good influence - someone who is positive and all that jazz

bad influence - lets party and get drunk spring break vibes but also lets just do shit we shouldnt

tutor - he can tutor them ~

roommates - like roomies in moris 

ex friends - I mean i get it

we were in a threesome together and now its awkward - okay hear me out threesomes happen and ya know it was probably a drunk thing but now no one ever talks about it just like hey i saw your “insert here” and now its weird because maybe they were friends at one point

childhood friends that drifted - people grow up and apart and thats what happened here, maybe they can rekindle it but maybe the damage has been done

ride or die besties for life - probably have been attached at the hip forever also probably had some fights here and there but always stuck together

friends with benefits - nothing more nothing less

smoking buddy - lets get high and convince ourselves that the lady who runs the dry cleaners and go is an alien

friends - all you need is friends

exes mixed terms -  is it bad or is it good one moment we are electric the next we are strangers

[coinofstone]

Mint Condition 14x04

If you follow me on the tweety you’ll know that I made a pathetic attempt at a full season re-watch starting in like… September. I got as far as the end of S5 before S15 began, but given my severe case of swiss cheese brain I decided to pause the full series re-watch there and pick up at 14x01. I figured it’ll be faster to get through S14 for a refresher and then go back to S6. Shut up my logic makes sense to me.  ANYwho, Mint Condition is probably my second favorite episode of S14 and definitely an overall series stand out for me - even tho I did have terrible nightmares after the first time I watched it. That fuckin dummy was goddamn terrifying and my subconscious was REALLY GODDAMNED SURE he was going to kill me in my sleep. I’m happy to report i had zero issues sleeping after watching it this time. :) Altho watch I just jinxed myself, since I am gonna watch again as I write this to pull quotes and screens.  You can tell I’ve been looking up recipes cuz theres a massive intro nobody gives a shit about before I get to the point of the post. NEVER FEAR! The good bits are under the cut. 

Let me just start by pointing out that while I do believe that Stuart is a mirror for Cas, The whole toxic fanboy/incel/chan troll shtick isnt reflective of Cas as a person in the way we (I) would normally judge someone like that.  I’m not sure if it’s because Davy actually sympathizes with and sees no harms in humanizing those people, or if it was for the fun of playing with a character like that, but there certainly are some parallels there - in the sense that even within his own community he’s  a misfit, rebellious, and argumentative. either way, the trench coat is pretty damning. 

Girl Sam comments that the store had been left to her and Dirk, but Stuart had been fired twice, the previous owner kept catching him stealing. But they hired him back because “he’s my friend”. That forgiveness, Stuart’s bad choices and lack of ‘impulse control’ it’s all reflective of Cas, even though it paints Cas in an unnecessarily negative light, on the surface it’s arguable but not entirely wrong. When Stuart pulls out the Panthro toy, his response is: “so angry, so handsome” and damn if that doesnt describe Dean lol.The fact that the first thing we see him do is steal this handsome, angry figure from the place it was sent is just another Dean detail. 

Hey you know who else got stabbed in the gut like that and almost died?

These two are the strongest mirror in the ep. Bonding over candy, shared fashion sense and a love of horror flicks, Dirk tells Dean (those names) that he wants to ‘watch over’ Stuart while he is unconscious, and that despite his rough edges, Stuart has been there for him, giving him a place to crash and escape his shitty father. Which, I mean, this is heavy handed as fuck, presumably to make sure the GA doesn’t miss it, but seriously all this kid needs is an American classic muscle car and a love of Led Zeppelin. 

This where I 

curse my inability to gif because it’s the sublest of moments here but when Dirk asks Dean which of the All Saints Day movies is his favorite, Dean throws a quick glance over his shoulder, as if to make sure nobody is listening. He’s so used to hiding this side of himself, the nerd, the fanboy, that even though he’s a grown ass man that regularly kills supernatural evils, he instinctively looks around real quick to make sure he won’t get caught having this conversation. It’s heartbreaking, and I think, attributable entirely to Jensen - but that’s entirely spec on my part. He does this three times in this scene, before finally getting comfortable and enjoying Dirk’s company. Jesus you’d think he was engaging in some kind of elicit trade the way he’s got his head on a swivel. Poor thing. 

“growing up it was always nice to check out for while… I like to watch movies where I know the bad guys’s gonna lose.” Dean’s preferred method of escapism is relatable, sure, but  he’s also point blank telling us right here, WHY he’s been hiding out in his room watching these movies, he’s self-soothing. He’s just revealed that he was awake and drowning the entire time he was possessed by Michael, he doesn’t know why he was ‘released’ but he knows he came home to find a ‘house full of strangers’. The fact that his self care at this point is pizza, beer and movies the way he did as a kid rather than cheap whiskey, the way we’ve seen him do as an adult, probably speaks volumes to how actually affected he really is.  

Dean being the one to wrestle with the father figure - the owner of the store who taught them everything they know before his death, leaving them the business to run and then possessing the lifesize figure of a mechanic who’d been literally burned in order to get revenge on the one who’d been stealing from them - I hate the idea of a John vs Cas parallel and I don’t think it was intended to go that deep, but there’s no denying a paralell between the ghost of Jordan and John.  

The thread on these two, in my opinion, is a little thin. Beyond the ‘ha ha Sam’s a girl’ joke, and their shared science nerd bit here, the main thing really is that even though the store was left to Sam AND Dirk, it seems like Sam is the defacto leader. She’s the one we see dealing with the incoming delivery, she’s the one behind the counter, and she’s the one who called Stuart to call him out on their one star yelp review. At this point in the season, Sam Winchester is the defacto leader of the new hunter collective he’s inadvertently assembled by way of rescue hunters from Apocalypse World. She also demonstrates Sam’s usual ‘lore’ skills, figuring out that it’s the keys that the ghost is most likely tied to, and finding a chemical in the morgue to use as an accelerant to help rescue Dean. That’s literally all I’ve got on them two. 

This is random, but the significance of that poster has been bugging me since the live airing of this ep. I do not understand that reference and it’s driving me bonkers, so if anyone does, PLEASE TELL ME. 

🙃 I really hope I don’t have nightmares tonight. That mask on the dummy is fucking horrible. 

[zenosanalytic]

Great Beasts of Legend: Centaurs, Sirens and Chimaera: The Greeks and th...

I know I’ve posted this lecture by Dr. Jeremy McInerney before, but I was watching it again(third time; really love this one uwu) and at 41:55 he starts a discussion of a boundaries-based reading of Centaurs(good target for that given the melding/muddying of boundary btw animal and man Centaurs represent[1]), beginning with the Herakles, Deianira, Nessos Myth that I feel he doesn’t quite hit though he makes/brings up other great points and it made me want to write a short little thing about why this myth, specifically, is really open to such a reading:

Ok so the basic outline: Herakles and Deianira are traveling, they come to the river Evinos where Nessos[2], the Centaur, is selling his services as a living ferry(ppl sit on him and he carries them across). Herakles, of course, decides to swim across and pays Nessos to carry Deianira across. While doing so, Nessos attempts to rape her, Deianira calls for help, and Herakles whips out his bow and arrows dipped in Hydra’s blood, and shoots Nessos dead. As he dies but before Herakles reaches them, Nessos tells Deianira to take a vial of his blood(sometimes blood mixed with his semen). The story splits interestingly here, so remember this point for later. Years down the road, Herakles is off in some part of Greece partying in celebration of yet another city he’s plundered, and he sends a train of new slaves taken from said city-plundering back home, along with a messenger with an off-hand request to Deianira that she send his favorite cloak along cuz he plans to keep partying for quite a long while. This is another point of ambiguity in the story and its retellings so remember it, too. She steeps his cloak in water mixed with the vial of Nessos’s blood, sends it along and, while the poison doesnt kill Herakles cuz he’s part god and Hydra’s poisonous blood isn’t powerful enough to do that, it DOES cause him such enormous, unending pain that he builds his own funeral pyre and burns himself alive, apotheosizing into a god in the process.

So, regarding Boundaries:

Nessos, obvsl, is a physical manifestation of the close and ever-present boundary between humans and beasts; btw self-control and indulgence; btw “civilized” behavior and “uncivilized”, as discussed above, and particularly of the threat of rape Greek men present to Greek women.

This story involves a River, a physical boundary

Rivers are ALSO what separate the world of the living from the world of the dead to the Greeks, and this is a story ABOUT TWO DEATHS, both tied directly TO a River(one taking place in it, during the act of crossing it; the other a long-term effect of that event[but also Herakles’s hubris, though most versions, being written for men, don’t emphasize that totally obvs aspect of it]).

Not only that, it’s LITERALLY the story of Herakles’s apotheosis: of how he comes to finally transcend the boundary between God and Mortal which he has straddled his whole life.

Herakles is celebrating the sack of a city, ie, his violation&destruction of the Boundaries defining said city, when he dies. Greek cities are often protected by female divinities(Athena usually), so it’s yet another symbol of rape.

So Split 1: In most versions, the reason Nessos gives for why she should take his blood is that it is a powerful love potion that will ensure Herakles remains faithful to her if his eye ever strays. BUT, also in most versions, this is a lie and he’s secretly trying to poison Herakles, though how would he know Herakles’ arrows are poisoned with Hydra-blood? I remember reading a version where he presents it to her AS POISON, explaining about the Hydra, but I cant find any mention of it online, so maybe my brain’s just making it up(or maybe this was the Hercules TV Show version X|).

Split 2: BUT BUT, while in most version Deianira sends the cloak out of desperation to keep him faithful(and of course there’s a particular slave girl in the train she’s warned about just so all of this can be EXTRA the fault of women, rather than Herakles for being a giant asshole like he always is), in other versions she sends it OUT OF VENGEANCE, TO FUCK HIM UP because Herakles is being a giant asshole, wrecking up Greece, partying as much as he likes, flaunting his rapes and his victims in her face(this is VERY RELEVANT given the nature of other versions of this story), and leaving her to run his household alone while ordering her around like she’s a slave rather than his Wife.

These are mutually exclusive: she cannot be both seeking to punish him, and trying, in anguished desperation, to keep him faithful to her[3].

Herakles in this story, as is ALWAYS THE CASE IN ALL HIS STORIES, is flaunting the boundaries of Proper Behavior, in this case those defining a happy and successful marriage(IE Hera’s Domain; which you’d THINK would be kind of relevant, given the deep narrative connection between Hera and Herakles and her quickness to anger regarding marriage violations, yet it somehow perennially goes unmentioned), and getting punished for it.

Now here’s an ADDED kicker. There’s a version of this story were Herakles initiates the conflict. one day he visits the house of Deianira’s father, Dexamenus, and while a guest, rapes her. Dexamenus can’t fight Herakles, of course, but he demands by the gods and tradition that Herakles marry Deianira to “repair” the injury(WE LIVE IN HELL!), and Herakles agrees. After he leaves to prepare for the wedding, a local Centaur, Eurytion(name meaning “Widely Honored”) visits Dexamenus and proposes to marry Deianira himeself(you know: without the whole BEING HER RAPIST thing), and Dexamenus complies. Herakles arrives a few days later, kills Eurytion, and sees that their marriage is carried out. Presumably in this version, the blood poisoning the cloak would be Eurytion’s.

What I’ve tried to get across here is that, among other things, there are readings of this myth were Herakles is the bad guy and Deianira the agent of divine punishment, if not the actual Protagonist. And those readings suggest certain ideas we would be prone to consider “modern” about the agency of women, consent, personal and social boundaries, morality, Greek ~Heroic Masculinity~, and yes even Centaurs, might not have been so alien and “anachronistic” to the ancient Greek mind as we tend to think.

But anyway, even if you think that particular part of my little argument here is total Bunk, I hope I’ve managed to get across that Deianira and the Cloak is a myth Absolutely LOUSY with the theme of Boundaries, what they mean, what it means to Cross them, and the Consequences for which you Cross, when, how, and plain just choosing to cross them in the first place. It’s a really great example for him to suggest for this particular topic, and it really inspired me quite a lot today, and I just wish there was a lecture online where he developed it further uwu

[1]And not only that, but of course owning horses was a common sign of aristocratic status, and trading horses a common aristocratic activity(this is one way you know Hesiod’s claims of poverty are a put-on; his family breeds and sells horses). I feel like it’s pretty well understood that Centaurs are in someway a commentary and meditation upon the nature of Greek masculinity, on the capacity for violent cruelty and wanton appetite Greeks inculcated men into beside all the talk of civilized society, but I also feel it’s less well understood how open they also are to a similar reading regarding the appetites and barbaric capacities specifically of the upper classes of Greek society.

[2]In some versions Nessos and Herakles actually have a history, and the whole incident is Nessos’s attempt at vengeance. There is another story, where Herakles visits a centaur who is his friend named Pholos, and a gang of nearby Centaurs(I like to think they were Rowdy Teens myself u_u) smell the wine they’re drinking and crash the party to share some. Herakles, being Herakles, of course immediately begins killing them for the perceived insult, which inevitably leads NOT ONLY to Pholos dying(cuz Herakles isn’t careful and shoots him too, or in other vers bcuz he refuses to so much as retrieve his arrows from the bodies due to concerns with “pollution” from the corpses, and Pholos cuts himself on one of the arrows), but ALSO the poisoning, and eventual death, of Chiron, who was one of Pholos’s neighbors and who Herakles accidentally knicked while wildly chasing down and shooting the interlopers. Nessos is one of these Centaur teens, and the only centaur in the whole situation to survive (:T

[3]Which, btw, the whole “faithful” thing doesnt make much sense(even though it pops up regularly in Greek Myth), because her “competitor” in these versions is a slave. These next sentences are going to be gross and awful, but in the society which told these stories male slave-owners already had unrestricted sexual access to their slaves and, beyond that, I’ve never read a single example in Greek or Roman sources of a slave being legitimized and married as a wife(which doesnt mean such examples dont exist; I’m an amateur). So the idea that a slave could threaten Deianira’s position as Herakles’s wife seems very dubious to me(as does the general trope of slave women as threats to wives in Greek stories). Again: this is all super-awful, but it’s something complicating the traditional presentation of the myth, which is rarely addressed because most academics writing for a general audience are super-loath to deal with classical slavery as the awful, body and soul crushing institution which it was.

[fckeverything-v]

 1. Do you bite or lick ice cream? Lick

 2. What is home to you? Alabama:/

 3. What was the last lie you told? I couldnt tell you

 4. Does everyone deserve the truth? Maybe not?

 6. Describe a moment in which you did something unacceptable in a bad situation. Walk away, move states..

 7. List two things that are more easily done than said. (No, I didn't mix them up.) Being alone & fuck irdk

 8. When was the last time you worked really hard to achieve something? Mhm 4 years ago.

 9. How many all nighters have you pulled? A lotttt haha

 10. If humans didn't evolve to laugh or smile, how would we express our happiness instead? Woah people express that? no but humans would probably bone all the time.

 11. How many romantic "things" or "flings" have you had? Only 2 (technically 3) serious relationships. Many flings.

 12. What is your paradise? I dont have one :(

 13. What is your favorite background noise? (Ex. Water dripping, people talking.) Music

 14. How many hearts do you think you have broken? Only 1... maybe 2 soon. (not you hehe.)

 15. What is the most important thing about electronics? What does this say about you? Finding friendships through social media or other platforms. And mhm probably that im a lonely pos

 16. Why do people care about celebrities? Do you care about celebrities? Because they're pretty. Not really.

 17. What is the most annoying thing someone can do to you? Chew loud.

 18. Do you overexaggerate? What are the pros and cons of this? Eh, yeah. And I cant think of any pros.

 19. Have you played any instruments before? Which instruments? Piano, saxophone

 20. Do you like taking selfies? Why or why not? No. I stare at it until i hate it.

 21. List 3 things you like about yourself?

 22. What is the best advice someone has ever given you? To not give up. As simple as that sounds.

 23. Do you have what it takes to raise a child? Why or why not? No. Dont you need to be mentally stable- i would hope so..

 24. How do you cheer yourself up after a bad day? Play games for hours.

 25. When was the last time you felt awkward? Ha. Literally 5 minutes ago.

 26. Are you introverted or extroverted? Or a mixture of both? Introverted x100000

 27. What constitutes a good friend? Someone who doesnt give up on you amd atleast tries to understand.

 28. Would you rather have a lot of friends to hang out with or just one best friend? One best friend.

 29. In a regular day, what do you not want to hear? 'Hey hows your day going'

 30. What is your dream job? Fuck, is this still a question.. to be a homicide detective in the biggest city i can think of.

 31. Is it better to be lazy but smart or hardworking but unintelligent? Lazy and smart DUH

 32. What is a truth about yourself that others find hard to believe?

 33. What have you always wondered about the other gender? What it feels like to GET OFF. DUH.

 34. Which fantasy world would you like to visit the most? Um my own dreams i guess.

 35. Describe the worst friend you have ever befriended. Im not wasting my time describing that.

 36. Imagine that you have switched bodies with someone you don't know. You can't switch back. What do you do? Live it up. I think id feel happy honestly.

 37. If you found the recipe for immortality, would you sell it or would you burn it? Mh. Sell it, their problem now and im rich.

 38. What is the most important, applicable class you have ever taken? Current events.

 39. Name the last book you read. Dammed- chuck palahniuk

 40. Imagine that you are unable to express emotion. How would this affect your world? No change

 41. When was the last time you made the first move? Um never..

 42. What is your opinion on electronic music such as dubstep or trap? Trash

 43. What was the last tv show youve watched? Rick and Morty.

 44. Do you like and appreciate your life? I appreciate what i am trying to do.

 45. Do you like and appreciate yourself?

 46. When was the last time you cried? Yesterday

 47. What are you scared of? Heights.

 48. What is the most embarrassing, cringe-worthy thing you have ever done? Um live my life everyday probably.

 49. What are some of your hobbies? .... literally WORSE question. I smoke cigs. Is that a hobby?

 50. What is a superficial yet annoying mistake you constantly make?

 51. Are you a good friend? What makes you a good friend? If not, what makes you a bad friend? I feel like i am both. I try to be there for them. But also, im so hard to get so i feel like i might come off the wrong way a lot.

 52. Do you honestly learn from your mistakes? Honestly; nope.

 53. What have you learned the hard way? Not to care what people think. After wasting my whole life. Im starting to realize it doesnt matter.

 54. What is the most important thing to have in order to attain happiness? Follow your heart

 56. Are you a creative or a logical thinker? Both but probably logical.

 57. What is the smartest thing you have ever done?

 58. What is your ideal meal? Fuckk probably so good ass chicken with some gooooood asssssss mac and cheese. As lame as that sounds hahaha.

 59. What is the worst thing someone could do on a date? 1. Go on date with me

 60. Do you like animals? Which kind is your favorite? Yeah and dogs are cute but i love elephants.

 61. If you could turn one legal thing illegal, what would it be? Christmas.

 62. Do you have any guilty pleasures? Of courseeeee (;

 63. What is the best thing that the internet has ever created? Video games.

 64. Do you like playing video games? Which video games? Woah you read my mind of sum? Shooter games.

 65. What is your opinion on beauty in today's society? Bullshit

 66. Are you a morning person? When do you usually wake up? No not really and like 5pm nowadays.

 67. Do you have a favorite Disney movie? Character? No

 68. Would you rather live in the city or in the countryside? City but i love the countryside

 69. Would you rather live near the ocean or in the mountains? Mountains

 70. What are the best things about winter? Cold. Even though i hate it. Snow. Even if i dont see it. Trees dying.

 71. What scares you most about the future? Literally everything.

 72. What makes you feel old? Doing nothing.

 73. How many hours do you spend on the computer or phone on average? Idk like 5.

 74. What are some of your New Year's resolutions? Be a better me.

 75. What is your life story in 6 words?

 76. Describe yourself in one word. Awkward.

 77. What bad habits do you do? Smoking

 78. What genre of music do you listen to? everything

 79. Most prominent childhood memory? I would say, but its embarrassing that that's the memory.

 80. Imagine if you had an older brother. If you already have one, what is it like? If you don't, how would this change your life? My life would be so different. Maybe i would have someone to talk to.

 81. Spirit animal?

 82. Do you believe in horoscopes? Yes

 83. What is the worst advice you've ever been given?

 84. List the 3 most important people in your life right now. 1. Fox 2. Fox 3. Fox

 85. Favorite memory of your family. :/

 86. What do you look for in a relationship? Happiness

 87. Do you have a role model? Why or why not? No. I dont need it. But now that i think about it i have one role model.

 88. What is your opinion on social media? Dumb

 89. Are you a pessimist or an optimist? Pessimest

 90. List some things that you think are overpriced? Food

 91. What is your worst memory or creepiest experience? ..

 92. What superpower would ruin the world? Any of them

 93. What is something you swore you would never do when you grew up, but you did anyway? Exactly what im doing now. Nothing. Giving up. Dropping out

 94. What lessons have you learned from movies and which movies were they? Dont trust yourself when you know you arent okay. Fight club

 95. If you could travel anywhere, where would you go? Europe

 96. How do you approach people? I dont but i guess a smile.

 97. What is your opinion on first impressions? I think theyre okay. Only if you dont judge.

 98. What are some things you did as a child that you no longer do? Lol play with imaginary friends

 99. What languages can you speak? English

 100. What do you think society will be like in 30 years? Lol hopefully ill be dead bc that shit sounds terrible

 101. What do you do on your lazy days? Play games.

 102. What ended your last relationship? I had enough.

 103. Favorite food? Soul food

 104. What is the most terrifying dream you've ever had? Fuck im not saying.

 105. When was the last time you got seriously angry? Last night

 106. What was the last friendship you broke? My friend Ashley:(

 107. Do you have any pet peeves? Close minded people

 108. Who was the last person you gave a hug to? Zack

 109. When was the last time you got seriously stressed? Last night

 110. What part of your personality do you want to change? I dont have one.

 111. Who is the most positively influential person in your life right now? My sister Grace.

 112. What is your biggest motivation? My siblings. Faith & Grace.

 113. What did you want to be when you were little? Honestly i never knew.

 114. What are some things that you are good at? Smokin weed

 115. What is one thing you want to be good at? Social skills

 116. What distracts you the most, especially when you're trying to work? My mind

 117. How important is privacy to you? Eh pretty significant i guess.

 118. If you could create one social norm, what would it be? Be friends with everybody.

 119. What's the craziest lie you've ever told? Um.. i told my 2nd grade teacher my family died in a car crash.

 120. What story do you like to tell about yourself at parties? I dont go to parties haaha

 121. What is the lamest thing that you have seen someone do? have friends and socialize too much like woah calm down you know youre still alone.. right. Like its only you. Hahah jk. But irdk.

 122. What is the stupidest thing you've done to impress someone? a guy invited me over and ive never done anything sexual before so i pretended like i knew and i hurt his dick like bad. (We didnt have sex)

 123. What is your morning routine? Wake up, wash face, brush teeth, get dressed, and then boom feel sad

 124. What's the last thing you did that is worth remembering?

 125. If karma was coming back to you, would it help or hurt you? Help

 126. What is your opinion on playing "hard to get?" Being sort of isolated like not opening up. Which is okay bc if they want you they'll wait.

 127. What are the pros and cons of straightforward? Cons, you may hurt feelings. Pro, you know yourself and what you want to say congratulations

 128. What do you consider "leading" someone on? Being fake happy.

 129. Are you the friendzoner or the friendzoned? Friendzoner

 130. What do you admire most about your friends? How beautiful he is. Inside & out.

 131. What do you admire most about your family? They're still here.

 132. What is your opinion on "going with the flow?" You may forget where you are trying to go. Or who you are.

 133. Do you enjoy talking or listening? Listening.

 134. When is it time to end a friendship? Idk

 135. What is the worst excuse you've ever come up with? Lol too many.

 136. If GPA didn't matter, what courses would you have taken? Doesnt matter.

 137. What are your favorite baby names? Ive always liked Riley for a girl name and idk havent thought Bout a boys name.

 138. When was the last time you had a deep conversation with someone? Maybe a week or so ago. Or a few days ago.

 139. What instantly ruins a conversation? Lack of excitement

 140. Biggest turn ons and turn on offs. Affection. And idk

 143. When did you last do something outside of your comfort zone? God every day.

 147. What do you like about the 21st century? ???

 141. Biggest disappointment. Myself

 142. Do you have any self-restraint? A little.

 144. Prized possession(s)? little things

 145. What is your opinion on second chances? They might seem okay but idk.... depends i guess

 146. Text or call? Both, depends on whom im texting or callin

 148. What advice would you give to yourself 5 years ago? Life is hard and stupid but choices you make will stay with you forever so what are you gonna do, follow your heart or head? (head is better hope)

 149. How organized are you? Eh not really anymore.

 150. Favorite mode of transportation. My car

[cowboybuckleys]

1 I feel like they are stuck with Rebecca writting wise. She´s very one dimnesional and for the longest time (even before the crash) she only popped up to help other charachter sl along. And it´s not like there can be some miracle cure, so her condition (that has also been severly badly handled) makes her options even more limited. At the same time all the ways to write her out doesnt work either. She can´t really die after all of this, but her leaving, even if it´s to get medical help seems out

2 of charachter. Rebecca wouldnt leave Seb. Even thought she can only see him with supervision, she loves that little boy more than anything. But really. She doesnt have Lachlan anymore. Ross is leaving. Her plotfriend Vic has moved on. Robron fans would burn itv to the ground in they were "stuck" with her. Rebecca could have been an amazing charachter but she has been wasted, and now I feel it´s to late to flesh her out. But no matter how they continue with her they´re fucked. Nothing works.

i actually don’t think her brain injury has been handled that badly, tbh. it’s a soap so they kinda had to move that quicker than it might happen in real life, but they DID show aspects of her injury (the coping mechanisms, her personality changes, struggling at remembering things but finding ways to not forget) that are very in line with brain injuries and damage. but given that everything that’s happened to her has been about and in conjunction with Lucky’s storyline, i wasn’t surprised that more wasn’t dedicated to it. she absolutely CAN die after all of this, they’ve done worse to more rounded characters in the past so i wouldn’t put it past them. but also.. this is a soap, logistics don’t always have to apply, even in UK ones, even less so in US ones (just look at Abigail’s awful awful awful DID storyline which is by far worse than anything ED has done with Rebecca imo)

and i don’t think it’d be out of character for her to leave for Hotten or a bigger city with a bigger medical facility and then they just briefly mention her as Seb grows. if it’s to better herself for Seb’s sake or find new therapies they could absolutely swing it that way and keep it in line with her character’s love for Seb. and a part of me hopes they will do that cos after everything she’s been through, killing her off seems lazy af to me. every instance of Bex’s current existence is all about Lucky and Lucky’s eventual exit, she’s just a means to an end. hell the fandom cares more about her existence than the show has ever cared about her as a character..

At the end of the day ITV and the new producers are gonna do whatever they want to do and there’s not much we can do to change that except roll with the punches lol. I do agree though that they don’t have a chance in hell of coming back from this where her character is involved. she’ll stay for as long as she’s needed for plot and then she’ll be out the door.

[langstexmachina]

yoyoyo

so im planning on writing a chaptered fic and i went to go make an account on ao3 bc what self respecting vld fic writer doesnt publish on ao3? but guess what i learned

Y O U   C A N T   J U S T   M A K E   A N   A O 3   A C C O U N T

so now im going to have to wait until the twenty-seventh so i can receive an invite to join kms but im not mad im actually super psyched.

im doing that orchestra headcannon that i had the other day so theres that

also this is going to be my first long fic that hopefully doesnt crash and burn like my other ones have mostly because im excited to write this one. i think thats the difference. like yeah when i was writing mcr i was excited bc who doesnt love gerard way? but this is the first fic that ive tried to write that im able to relate to completely. with my other long ones i only tried to write something that i thought i would enjoy reading which could have been divided into a few very distinct categories back in the day:

suicidal teen fem boy in distress

mental illness (mostly but not limited to depression and schizophrenia)

abuse (parental or relationship)

questioning gender identity/ gay in an intolerant household etc

or that shit where two people just couldnt communicate and they ended up going round and round through the same tedious problems and its the same plot told over and over and it literally never ended (looking at you amanda todd. After literally was my middle school everything but rereading it is literal torture. i hope your editor straightened that out when you published it oops)

SO thats what i had been working with and like dont get me wrong- it literally was what i was hella into when i was a kid. i loved reading about the fem boy who wanted to kill himself but met the boy of his dreams and flushed all of his blades. those fics about schizophrenia and stuff got me into psychology- something that i am now genuinely interested in majoring in. i still live for that gay shit. and number five was actual shit that i cant stand anymore but thats fine because we all grow up and change and are less problematic pieces of shit who no longer romanticize depression and suicide

(((side bar))) 

there is a difference between romanticizing depression, suicide etc. and using it in character development. i am a firm believer in the idea that we can and most definitely should talk about mental disorders in our writing. you dont need to be a medical professional to make a statement on depression, bpd, did, or any other disorder out there. you dont have to be experiencing a disorder to talk about it. hell i dont want anyone to go through that kind of pain man. but its totally important to integrate it into our media. especially today when everyone with a mental disorder suddenly has a thirst for blood and should be detained in mental asylums so they never hurt anyone in our perfect society!!!1!

i believe that society, today especially, has this innate need to separate themselves from anything  that isnt conventionally “normal”. they do this by dehumanizing anyone that they dont understand. then pinning them as the scapegoat in many situations

ie recently with mass shootings. instead of focusing on the obvious, literal weapon that is the genuine issue- the news turns focus and immediately- before anything was even verified- states that the shooter was a teen with a mental illness which sparked talk of opening homes to detain and keep “troubled teens” instead of focusing on the problem of the actual weapon that is actually killing actual people.

(((side-er bar)))

no i dont think we should take guns away completely. that would be stupid. in america? that shit would never get passed. but i do think other countries have it right. give people guns and regulate ammunition. anytime somebody wants to buy more ammo, they have to return the old magazine. this keeps people from stockpiling- drastically cutting down on mass shootings like the tragedy in florida

(which by the way i am totally urging everyone in school to participate in the walk out on the fourteenth. im not allowed to because my school will suspend me and i cant do that (mom’s words not mine) but if your school is in support of it or you dont mind taking the risk please please participate in the walk for our lives)

BUT ANYWAY BACK TO THE POINT AFTER A LONG ASS TANGENT THAT REALLY I PROBABLY SHOULDNT TALK ABOUT ON HERE

like i was saying- yeah that stuff was fun to read but it was hard for me to write because i was either dealing with that shit and it hurt to talk about, or i totally couldnt relate to it enough to write about it.

but with this? oh babe orchestra is my everything. ive been playing in orchestras for nine years and the violin for sixteen. if theres anything that i know, its orchestra. and i love it. i want to write my own musical- including writing out all of the music. i fucking adore everything about string instruments (band we have to TALK)

so this is something i enjoy with characters that i love so its going to be good and im super excited and i really hope you guys will enjoy it.

- day