#i also feel this way about trans Kirk

[fmluder24]

I try to enjoy trans Mulder headcanons and I know there’s jokes about their periods syncing up all the time. But when I get into a pensive mood I think about how Jewish men have been historically thought to be not “real” men to the point that antisemites believed they menstruated as a result of circumcision. And then I just kind of stew in the unaddressed implications of how TXF exists in an antisemitic culture and how that shapes how Mulder in particular was written.

Absolutely NO HATE if you headcanon Mulder that way. Knock yourself out and do what makes you happy. I get it and it’s a vibe I just overanalyze things. 😕

[gorgynei]

Can you explain being a werewolf type thing? Idk if I relate or not I've been conflicted on how I feel about what I might be

so bad news. to be honest i am totally incapable of explaining why im a werewolf and what it means to me with any kind of detail. maybe i could if i spent time trying with a writer or other person more skilled in communicating concepts like this, but idk. its such a strong feeling but its feels a bit like explaining why im transgender. like i dont know, i just am. it just feels right

werewolf for me is a gender, a worldview, and alterhuman identity all in one. im not literally a werewolf, but im also not not literally a werewolf. im a werewolf in the kiiind of same way that fat hairy gay men are bears. im like a werewolf who doesn't transform that they put on hrt. my werewolf identity is also very closely linked with my butch identity which is very closely linked to my trans identity, theyre all wrapped up together

not to give you required reading, but the werewolves in rules for werewolves by kirk lynn are a great example of people who operate under a similarly nebulous werewolf identity. read that! its life changing

i have a post attempting to explaining my werewolf label on my website but i need to remake it because its messy.

hopefully that provided the tiniest bit of help. sorry anon! being a werewolf is literally kind of just like realizing one day that you are one and then it changes u forever

[thomas-jefferson-miku-binder]

I really appreciate what you said about fem Spirk not really working because I completely agree but it’s hard to say that without a lot of people getting quite angry. I just feel like there’s so much of Kirk and Spock that is tied to their masculinity and how it’s displayed/how they wield it, and it just doesn’t translate as well with them being women. Of course I’ve seen some awesome depictions, but I dunno, maybe because I’m neutral about my own gender I’m not really able to explain well

thank you so much for sharing your thoughts! I really appreciate it! :)

I'm new to Star Trek in general and especially its fandom space, so I might've worded it differently if I had known beforehand it was a sensitive topic, lol! But yeah, a huge part of the conflict that both unites and separates Kirk and Spock revolves around aspects of masculinity (and their subsequent relation to femininity, which often comes presented as a third party and is often portrayed as a challenge to their dynamic).

And when I say masculinity, I don't mean only traditional displays. It also includes Spock's worship of logic or Kirk's protectiveness and provider role. I feel like people often downplay how much misogyny is intertwined in the Spirk dynamic! Not only with each other but also with possible third parties that might "interfere" with the balance of their relationship (usually women, as I mentioned beforehand).

And here's where the writer's misogyny and the characters' own prejudices start mixing with each other, creating this weird, accidental homosexual (and arguably transgender) at its core dynamic.

This is fundamentally why trans women Spirk can work really well while simply genderbending them cannot. In both scenarios, their relationship with gender changes in some way or another, making them trans reaccesses the masculinity factor (while simply making them cis women changes the core of the relationship, and suddenly the story is about something else).

[river13245]

I was wondering if I could ask for Spock, Kirk, Pike and Uhura headcanons with a trans reader who gets annoyed with his body easily? Like, for me, whenever I don't wear a bra and feel the weight of my chest I get aggravated, if that makes sense?

Fighting for just a crumb of trans reader in the star trek fandom ngl 😔

Star Trek characters x Trans reader

Spock, Kirk, Pike, Uhura

(i didn't know if you meant this in a romantic or platonic way. So i did romantic. However if you want platonic i can totally do that too)

Spock

Spock himself gets aggravated with his own body. Maybe not in the same way but in the way his ears are and little things like that. Always wondering if he looks too human or too vulcan that day.

He wouldn't be very vocally helpful. If anything if he tries to verbally comfort you. It would come out very monotone and not help much.

So when he sees you uncomfortable and agitated he would come up to you. "What is wrong. You seem to be aggravated at something"

you would tell him and he would just nod and if you two are very close. He would use his vulcan telepathy. In this he would understand how you are feeling. Then he would show you exactly how he sees you and lets be honest. he shows you and you look absolutely handsome/pretty.

Spock may not be good at verbal communication. But damn was he good at comforting you in other ways.

Kirk

This man is very charming. He could charm anyone to get exactly what he wants. However when it comes to you he is also very caring.

He would be hard at work and when his eyes land on you. Seeing how you were pulling at your shirt more than usual. Your breathing unsteady he would instantly know that somethings wrong.

He might not know exactly whats wrong but he had a good guess. So he would tell someone to take over for him. That person usually being Spock. Then he would go over to you.

he would try to cheer you up by going over to you and flirting with you. but when he saw that you barely smiled he took you somewhere and the two of you talked.

He would compliment you and its not in the way most would think. Many people would call him a womanizer and someone that just flirts to flirt. But when he compliments you. His voice is so sincere and he would just tell you exactly how he saw you.

Then when you would start to feel better he would kiss your lips and then go back to work after making sure you were okay.

Pike

Pike is a relatively observant man. After running things for so long you kind of have to be. So it doesn't take him long to notice something is off with you.

Unlike most of the others he wouldn't be so obvious about it.

When he would see you pull at your shirt and that you were uncomfortable with how tight your shirt was. He would just pass by and hand you a hoodie of his.

He really only had like two hoodies that he wore so whenever he let you wear one. You always felt special.

If you needed to talk all you had to do was give him a certain look across the room and he would understand. Giving control to Spock for a bit before taking you to another room.

Pike would mostly be a listener. He would ask what's wrong and let you talk. Talk until you were completely finished and then he would hold you close. His arms would be around you. One of his hands on the back of your head and the other on your back

He would hold you and then bring your hand up to his lips and place a kiss against it. Then he would spend some extra time in making you some food. Making sure you ate something before the both of you went back to work.

Uhura

Uhura is both Smart and confident. She would instantly know whats wrong and as soon as she finishes up what she's doing she comes to your aid.

she would grab ahold of your hand to stop you from picking at your skin. Or pulling against your shirt. There would honestly not be much words said at first. Just her saying "come here" then you would be in her arms in seconds.

The both of you would stay like that. Her head against your shoulder with your face buried in your neck. Just holding each other for a moment.

but when the both of you would pull away she would take your face in both of her hands and kiss your cheeks before pulling away and saying sweet things. Complimenting you and even complimenting your brain. About how smart you are too. She really would be so amazing.

[snek-of-eden]

how Star Trek TOS characters would react to someone asking their pronouns

some lovely person did this for the good omens fandom and I thought I’d try it out with Star Trek!

Jim Kirk: he’s so so happy you asked. he’s beaming, he’s smiling, he’s wishing to the Gender Fairies that his gender was a little bit interesting and not just plain ole’ he/him. but, y’know, he isn’t going to complain if someone throws him a she/her curveball

Spock: one eyebrow raised, he’s stating, “I find the concept of gender a fascinating thing. My pronouns are he/him, they/them and ze/zem. Your query is appreciated.” this is simply because of professionalism, however; in fact ze do not mind she/her pronouns in casual settings. (the admirals don’t have to know that though.)

Bones: you have never met a more stout he/him in your life. he is radiating he/him energy like it’s nobody’s business. Is he also the most beautiful drag queen you’ve ever seen? totally. but off stage, it’s he/him/his all the way. also, he’s the first one to ask after other people’s pronouns in new situations

Scotty: what are pronouns? Scotty doesn’t know, that’s for sure. this guy is trans rights until he dies, but pronouns are /confusing/. that doesn’t mean he won’t respect them - he’s on a mission to make everyone feel as validated as possible - but they still boggle his mind. When prompted, he’ll state proudly that he “enjoys the him variety of pronouns very much”

Uhura: oh sweetie. oh gosh. she is the most confident, adorable she/her you’ve met in your life and she’s very proud that you asked. she wears a she/her pin on her uniform and will skip down the halls for a week after you ask. is she trans? some people think so. she’s not telling, but she’s happy with the assumptions either way!

Sulu and Chekov: the biggest he/theys that ever did he/they!! their genders are copy pasted but that doesn’t mean they follow the rutted cis track. neither of them flout it but they’re very chill with gender overall

Chapel: so so genderfluid. he’s not exactly happy about being asked, but he’ll reply anyway. sometimes he’ll say different sets of pronouns to different people with the sole intention of confusing them. she’s a big fan of fucking with the system

feel free to add on!!

[respocked]

The worst TOS episode - a trans perspective

I'm making my own post because I don't want to litter the polls with my ventpost/discourse.

There is a TOS best episode bracket poll going on and currently Turnabout Intruder is winning to Paradise Syndrome. Seeing which, has put me in a not very good mental space last night.

I have loved Star Trek for a few years now and engaged with the fandom, I feel very passionate about it - but the absolutely rabid misogyny in the source material makes it sometimes very, very difficult to be in fandom spaces. Seeing episodes with such rotten, dehumanizing view of people born as women being discussed in positive light is very difficult to me.

To make it clear - I'm not calling out anyone for voting for it, or saying it is inherently misogynistic to do so! (it's possible that people just hate The Paradise Syndrome more lmao). It is also possible to enjoy the works of fiction that are flawed, I mean, I AM a fan of Star Trek. In this post I will simply explain why I don't like this episode and why I don't like seeing it praised.

I wish that I could enjoy a sci-fi "utopia" in peace, without being reminded of heterosexism and violence. It upsets me to see misogyny not because I want things I am a fan of to be perfect, but because heterosexism and cis supremacy already affects my everyday life greatly and hurts me deeply. And seeing it in fiction rubs the salt in the wound.

I wanted to channel the way I feel into productivity and make a post abt Turnabout Intruder with some feminist analysis, but I genuinely don't think I can watch it again, and I would need to do so - so this is going to be a quick one.

If you haven't seen it/have seen it a log time ago: the plot of the episode is that Kirk's body is stolen by his ex, a woman. She is jealous of the oppurtunities he got as a man, so she impersonates him, wants to become him. However, the crew of the Enterprise realizes something is wrong, based of the woman's behaviour in Kirk's body - it is not like Jim Kirk to act the way she does.

The way she does, of course, is overemotional and illogical. The idea of a woman succesfully doing a man's job, assuming his place in society, is discounted immediately. The episode doesn't sympathize with her desires and wants. She is villainized and called insane. Gender cannot be transcanded, and not only that, but people who attempt are to be punished. A woman should know her place, and accept it. Submission is a woman's natural state - you are not supposed to want more out of your life.

The label of "insane", that features even (if I recall correctly) in the episode's synopsis is one that is to me especially violent. Psychiatry was (and still is!) weaponized against the gender-nonconforming. In my country people born as women who didn't agree with roles prescribed to them were for years forcibly institionalized, drugged, raped. "Conversion therapy" is still not banned in my country. Hate groups are trying to pass a bill which would ban autistic and mentally ill people from transitioning - weaponizing mental health care to beat people into conformity, into submission.

I read Turnabout Intruder as a transgender metaphor. The way the woman desiring to have a man's body is portrayed reflects the strategies of real life violence against people who do not conform to gender roles.

When I first watched this episode, I was in high school. I knew TOS was sexist, because I watched all the other episodes before. But it still deeply hurt me.

[seriousfic]

Strange New Worlds season 2

-Feels like they overdid it with the silly episodes? Just my taste, but the Oops! All Silly episodes should be a sometimes food, and they have just about every other episode being silly. Serious, silly, serious, silly. I get comic relief, but this isn't a very heavy show. If we're going to have a quip machine like Ortegas, do we then need to do a whole episode of that, and often?

-Sam Kirk is Sir Not-Appearing-In-This-Episode.

-The fact that these characters are destined to end up at TOS makes some of the wokening stuff hilarious.

Christine Chapel in her Twenties: I don't do relationships. Let's keep things casual. I have so many fuckbuddies lol.

Christine Chapel in her Thirties: Y U NO MARRY ME SPOCK?

Which probably wasn't their intent, but it's hard not to read that into this show and TOS supposedly being the same people.

-Also, they have literally twice as many women in the main cast as men, which is a good hint at how Hollywood really sees 'gender equality.'

Not pictured: Carol Kane

-I'm just saying, they have this episode Among The Lotus Eaters. One plot ends with Ortegas triumphantly declaring "I pilot the Enterprise!" The other plot ends with Pike apologizing to his overbearing girlfriend for having concerns about their relationship (when obviously their relationship is in wonderful shape when him voicing concerns about them as a couple results in her freezing him out and Pike having to beg for her forgiveness).

-The whole Human Spock episode is cringe. First, in premise. Could you imagine if they did an episode where a biracial member of the crew was changed to be fully black and he immediately started eating ribs and listening to hip-hop? This in the same season that did the most bald-faced minority metaphor imaginable with Augments. Not to mention the obligatory trans rights episode last season where we were supposed to buy that Spock was 'outside the human/vulcan binary' or something. Nope! It's absolutely possible to turn the dial to 100% Human or Vulcan.

I don't know, it's trying to be a character study of Spock, but it's trying way harder to be a "look at Spock do funny things" episode and it ends up feeling just kinda pointless. They themselves mention that Vulcan emotions are stronger than human emotions, so a Human Spock should be even better at controlling himself, but he just isn't for reasons. Wouldn't it be more interesting if Spock became fully Vulcan... something he occasionally seems like he would desire... which paradoxically strengthened his emotions and made them more difficult to control?

It's hard to invest in this Spock as a character when the show's basically telling you he doesn't matter as a person, they're just going to write him in whatever way gets a laugh.

-Call me hard to please, but it'd be nice to have a few arcs. I'm not saying I want one of those 'ten hour movies' like Picard and Discovery do, but even TNG had ongoing plots like the Borg, Lore, the Crystalline Entity, the House of Duras. I'm not asking for this show to go as lore-heavy as DS9 or ENT, but I would like a little more of an ongoing storyline than the Spock/T'Pring/Chapel love triangle. And we all know where that will end up, unless they're going to tell us that sometime after Undiscovered Country, Spock and Christine decided to make it official. You know, now that they're both as old as Carol Kane.

[fundiscrimination]

To make up for missing yesterday as a treat here are all the Star Trek characters who are ace:

(dang maybe a some point they should branch out from STEM huh?)

Seven of Nine-Voyager (Not Picard)

also winning the coveted A4 spot (asexual, aromantic, agender, autistic) Seven could not catch a break, just 4 seasons people constantly telling them she's doing humanity wrong and pressuring him to conform. It could not be a more relatable character tbh.

My favorite character, always iconic

Billups-Lower Decks

Come on. seriously. we all know this man is asexual. just watch the show it's not subtle. If you disagree you're just wrong.

Odo-Deep Space Nine

Another A4, if there's one thing you can rely on Star Trek for it's the A rep (in infinite combination). (btw I also support trans masc readings of Odo, also whatever's going on between him and Quark)

Yes he has canonical romances and relationships, yes I am ignoring them they're weren't good. Odo started the show just completely baffled and a bit judgey about sex, romance, and gender roles and he should have stayed that way.

Jean Luc Picard-The Next Generation

Remember when Riker tricked him into getting a I-wanna-fuck statute on the sex planet and instead Picard went on an archeological scavenger hunt while dealing with multiple scammers and thieves?

I love him for his genuine hatred of/discomfort with children, his various hobbies, and his lack of time or interest in relationships.

I apologize for finding Q's stalking and sexual harassment of him funny.

Data-The Next Generation

Honestly I'm just going to point In Theory (4.25). The most annoying thing is the show trying to act like it proves Data doesn't have human feelings. When we all know he has friends he cares about. He's close with various members of the crew including Troi and Geordi. He gave Keiko away at her wedding. And look at that picture, that's Spot and Data loves her very much.

In summary, Data doesn't need to want sex or romance to "be human" or "have feelings". He's fine with friends, and his cat, and his autisum.

Tendi-Lower Decks

Because I want her to be.

Ok, I do think it'd be fun to explore an asexual Orion and validate her close relationship with Rutherford as important AND platonic. And we need more femme-presenting/assumed ace (coded) characters on Star Trek. And it'd be really cool to have 2 ace characters on a show.

Also cause I want her to be.

Spock-Star Trek

Did you think I forgot him? The original? The blueprint?

Now, obvious sidenote, I believe in the premise and it's very embarrassing of Star Trek to keep avoiding confirming it, and also I just think Kirk/Spock/McCoy is the ideal dynamic and basically what's already going on. And maybe in either of this ships mentioned, they fucking nasty (or whatever)

However, none of that prevents Spock from being asexual. Which he is.

Please feel free to share your other Star Trek Ace headcannons with me

If you disagree or feel offended by anything on this list please feel free keep that shit to yourself I don't care

[juicezone]

hi time for character rambling re: Ward

Stuff under the read more just in case!!

(Ward is a trans guy n uses he/him)

-Ward usually regresses to the higher end of 7-9, (rarely less, but when its less its very much ypunger) and generally likes more of a babysitter/older sibling vibe when someone is looking after him! he likes to be very independent in a “I want to show you how much I can do” type way.

-Sometimes he can be kind of a little twerp, in that “i’m annoying becuase I’m 8 years old” kind of way. Will complain about being bored, but deny every suggested activity

-Denies when feeling regressed half the time but also caves with little push. “Are you feeling kind of small?” “No.” “You want to go watch wacky weather?” “...yes”

-Actually has a softer non-uniform version of his uniform because he likes wearing it. generally doesnt really wear specific outfits when he’s feeling regressed, but does own some patterned stuff (though he will not refuse any clothes for small-Ward if they’re weather themed. he’s a nerd!)

-Loves, LOVES doing science projects when regressed. also making “potions” gets distracted in the bathroom by filling the sink up with soap, shampoo, lotion- whatever he can find.

-Generally goes to Bones/McCoy as his caregiver, or Kirk as an older sibling! Sometimes he’s older than Kirk is though, and he greatly enjoys being an older sibling too.

-Spock is pretty much a babysitter but preferably a science teacher, usually if Spock is looking after him for a bit, Ward gets some assignments or tasks to do, like school :)

[stump-not-found]

i <3 creepy hallway

creepy hallway number one <3

alright time for more home life stuff . the bedroom scene came up as a way of trying to reintegrate the gold statue from earlier, since i just really love trying to find old elements and tie them in as plot relevant as time goes on . not usually planned, but it comes through during the editing stage, which is a fun game of deciding what scenes to keep, and which to get rid of . i wasn't so certain about this one, but i loved the idea of baby ford interacting with mabel, who's slightly older... i need to draw art of it, honestly . they're cute

it's really gratifying seeing people pick up on what i've been setting up as part of ford and the statue, the fact i was able to effectively communicate something going on means the world to me . the rest of the story is gonna dig into it more so i won't lay it all out here, but it really is so much fun . makes the whole writing process feel so communicative when people share thoughts and interpretations . especially when the scenes are meant to be read into !

we also get the closet yay . sure that's not gonna be important at all

writing the kids big blow up fight was a trip and a half . the original vision was a pretty shallow "we're stressed out and out grunkles should stop being mean to each other :(", just as a way to try and push forward the dynamics between ford and stan . that still exists, it's just a lot more focus being put onto the kids themselves . they're tertiary characters for sure, but i like thinking about their home life, and how that impacts them

one of the challenges is trying to have the fight feel fairly balanced between the two of them . shoutouts to my brother and wife for the full ass socratic seminar we had about threading that needle . how do you get a conversation where a young trans boy is trying to discuss his fears about his life and his body, and keeps getting shut down ? how do you balance that with a little girl who feels like it's her job to be the sweet, happy, emotionally intellegent adult in the room ? i'm happy with the end result but boy was it stressful

bill also wasn't gonna be here but i wanted more bill so . he got to come back . i really liked tying in nick with the spit to the little chats their having in the paradox dimension . love the lil hand pinch that was just a treat for meeeee, i get to be indulgent in my fics as much as i want . i also like the fact that ford is under some indescribable pain that entire time . they got a dynamic in this story that makes me laugh .

you know whats funny is i didn't even realize ship of theseus was a paradox writing a lot of the stuff about paradoxes . for some reason i just stumbled into that one . very funny . or, no wait -- i totally knew the entire time my brain is the size of three (3) whole apples

oh man and the entire lab scene i just loved writing . i love including bathroom breaks . i love dipper's poor hygiene . i love the fact the kids traded gold for soda, they're such perfect lil con men in training . and again the whole talk about star trek was so indulgent and fun

the brothers grew up queer in the 60's/70's and that's a major part of their arc . i hope to get across the ways they both hurt each other both as kids and adults . they still got so much to work on, and i just don't know if they've got the time

anyways creepy hallway bill time

favorite part:

“Clark.” Ford stiffens, stops. Looks up. “What?” “That, uh, captain guy. The one with the, he had the big, you know–” Stan gestures over his chest, puffing his pecs out a bit more. “Always had em out, shirt cut off or whatever. Got all hot and sweaty. Great hair.” “...Kirk?” Ford turns in his seat, slightly, to get a better look at his brother. Stan clicks his tongue, points his index finger in recollection. “ Kirk .” He repeats, and the image of the guy blooms in Stan’s head. Ford had a magazine with him on the cover, about as disheveled and beat up as a guy could look, shirt torn open. That particular mag went ‘missing’ into Stan’s stash, and he laughs at that old memory getting drudged up. “I, uh. Was a fan , back then.”

i just love how neither one of them can say what they're talking about out loud lol

Stan and Ford have a conversation, Mabel and Dipper get a bit absurd, and something gold is given meaning.

If you don't look, you won't see it fading.

[oofwhydude]

I’ve been thinking a lot lately about these girls who identify as they/them or he/him and get double mastectomies as gender-affirming surgery or contort themselves with binders. 

(They’re not women because they have logical thought patterns. They’re not women because they’re not objects to be possessed. They’re not women because they don’t like being mindlessly and unsatisfyingly penetrated. They’re not women because they think things and feel things independently of other people. They’re not women because they’re individuals, real people. Because women are not real people. Real people are men, and women are not real people—women are something necessary to the cycle of life; women are to be consumed, are to be impregnated, are to be stupid and fertile. They’re not women because they’re Not Like Other Girls.)

Add to this also the myriad posts about biological men who have big pectoral muscles or are chubby being rebranded as having “tits” (either being retconned as trans men or just their chests’ being referred to in a lot of the same terminology as women’s chests) to validate busty trans-identifying females.

How everyone involved loves to embrace and sexualize “tits” in a man. 

It’s ok and fun and hot to be well-endowed mammarially as a man. Like Captain Kirk with his shirt slashed or the Gandalf’s big naturals meme or whatever buff Marvel guy of the week.

Why is this the ideal? 

Like it is kind of funny to refer to a muscled-up dude as having tits (kind of a turn about is fair play sort of deal, especially since muscled-up dudes are almost always sculpting their bodies to impress other men because research has shown time and again that women aren’t actually that attracted to muscled-up dudes, but also it is still pretty sexist and homophobic the same way it’s kind of funny but sexist and homophobic that a man in a fabulous outfit looking sassy is called cunty [like… that which is derided in females is equally praised and made trivial in males—praised because it’s objectively something aesthetically pleasing but made trivial because it’s something primarily associated with women]), but why has it become such a thing? 

That big tits are cool if you’re a man, a “bimbo,” or a transwoman, all of whom actively participate in achieving a large chest size to a certain degree (although some of the men are just naturally chubby and some of the bimbos are just naturally well-endowed)? But it’s a source of embarrassment and shame if you’re just some gal who happened to have been hit particularly hard by puberty?

I can’t help but ponder: What if these girls—instead of imbibing all this man-centered modern bullshit (including but not limited to this aforementioned tits phenomenon and the totally unrealistic yaoi written by women about men the way women would like men to be)—watched a few very dated and problematic Fannie Flagg episodes of Match Game in which she’s very obviously Not Like Other Girls because she gives totally weird answers to the questions but everybody comments favorably about her big tits? What if they could internalize the frenetic energy of this closeted (at the time) lesbian who’s not really femme or butch or androgynous, but just some silly normie gal in kitschy sweaters who’s a good sport about everybody’s wise cracks about her bust-line and makes her own jokes about how it’s an easier decision to burn your bra (stereotypical 2nd wave feminism represent!) if you don’t have to run up stairs.

Girls these days might well be less gender dysphoric if they’d consumed zero MLM (ironically produced mostly by other women) media and 150% more media in which buxom women were simultaneously celebrated (by everyone) and (homoerotically and good-naturedly by other women) bullied for being stacked.

Like… Girl. Tumblr is lying to you. Men do not have tits. That was a joke.

Oh you’re “AFAB” but you don’t feel like a woman? Surprise, babe! None of us do! Because the role of woman in society sucks! Absolutely none of us females would choose to be a woman! Women are oppressed and denigrated and devalued and so, so disrespected.

I’d love to respect your pronouns and validate your gender.

But I’m kind of caught up on how we’re both biologically women and we couldn’t have a credit card in our own name without a man’s signature until 1974.

[pandorem]

Listen if I like a ship enough I WILL imagine them in every single possible gender configuration. Cis wlw or mlm? T4T in every possible manner? heck maybe even a (cis)m/f ship if the characters aren’t canonically gay in a way that makes me feel icky about it, if done with self awareness it can be cheeky and fun for the bi among us …kirk/spock cheesy cisswap m/f romance fic i remember you….

And yeah I like a lot of cis swap AND trans fic when written well bc it can give insightful views on both characters and culture, but it also can just be fun? Like fictional characters are part of the culture storytelling is important etc etc but also they are dolls to play around with.

[junebugwriter]

Impostor I

I've got the impostor syndrome bad tonight.

I wrote about it some on twitter, but I'll talk about it here some too. This space tends to be a bit easier for me to get complex thoughts out anyways, because longer form works better for my brain sometimes.

I have a lot of moments feeling like an impostor when it comes to being trans. I used to feel like I was an impostor just for being an academic, but writing a dissertation flipped a switch in my brain I think, saying "ah, yes, I am actually writing a book now as a scholar, I have Made It." But now, my insecurity is seizing upon being trans.

I don't feel like I'm "trans enough." And I know it's not exactly breaking new ground. Society tells me I'm a guy. My upbringing tells me I'm a guy. My body looks like a guy's body. I'm hairy, large, and overall have masculine features. But there's a lot of my body that's not masculine at all.

Take, for instance, breasts. I have them! I've had them since I was a little kid, because I've always been a bit fat. I've actually been quite sensitive about the fact I had them, because I was operating with the understanding that I Am Male and Male Manly Men do not have Breasts, they have Pecs. So I'd try to flatten them, I'd work out a lot, but nothing ever got rid of them, so I came to somewhat accept them. I even kind of got to like them, their feel, etc. It wasn't """manly""", but who cares about that, I have them, and I had to deal with that.

Also, my hips! I've got sort of a womanish waist. And I like my waist! It suits me, and that's great. Not """manly""", but it's cool, it's BONE STRUCTURE, what am I going to do about that? So I grew to accept it, and now I kind of like it!

If I had to hazard a guess, I'd say I might maybe produce more estrogen in my body than a """normal""" male body, but I won't know until my doc screens me for HRT. I'll put a pin in that, but it's something I think about!

But more than anything, in my brain, I *feel* like a I should be a woman. I identify more with women than with men, in general. I like playing female characters in games, and enjoy movies with more well-rounded and developed female characters. When it comes to attributes and behavioral trends, my behavior makes a lot more sense if I was a woman. I'm more sensitive, more empathetic in general, more submissive and accommodating. And yes, I do realize these are BROAD STEREOTYPES and are anything but scientific, or accurate. Yet I can't shake the feeling... I was meant to be a woman.

I feel that way. It's my brain. It's my heart. And I can't shake it.

But I still look and present as a man in my day-to-day. I'm not out at work. I hope, once I go on HRT and begin changing more of my appearance, the outside of my body will begin to match my insides. But I still struggle with feeling trans ENOUGH.

I just went on a whole ass description of how my brain thinks! And I still! Can't! Shake! The feeling i'm faking it!

What does a bitch have to do to feel like they are deserving of being trans?? Why can't I feel valid in my identity!? All I do is question, and self-analyze, and wonder, and postulate. (I'm a goddang theologian, it's what I do best.) But on and on, I keep circling. Yes. I am a woman. I am trans.

BUT AM I??

aaaaaaaaaaaaAAAAAAAAAAAA

It's so frustrating. It's illogical. I want to Spock my way to certainty in my gender identity. I want a math equation to settle the questions in my brain, the feelings of my heart. But life isn't like that. I've got to Kirk it out, and act with what's not only logical, but emotionally true as well.

I just... wish I could feel validation without agonizing all the time.

[jetravenex]

I think something was stretched a bit here.

Everything does have a message and something to be drawn from it.

Recently I had a discussion relating the feelings of upheaval to a moment in Transformers One after all. There is the potential for there to be correlation to political feelings but also to general feelings and themes.

Everything does have a message. That does not mean it should be corelated to activism.

Now I admit I don't know what the 'previous' problem the OOP is talking about, but I wanted to point out that correlating everything having a message to activism is a big leap in logic.

Everything is written with biases in mind. And that can be important sometimes to occasionally pull back and go 'wait a minute, what is the subliminal messaging going on here' What is the subtext to the text?

The impact our media and fandoms have on us cannot be denied. It's why representation in media is something to strive for, whether it be to see POC, female leads, or queer characters.

Even in media that isn't meant to be deep. There's just something so important in making it so someone can see someone they relate to on the big screen.

Like for instance, MLP has messages about the magic and power of friendship. Love and tolerance. Transformers has varying messaging like dealing with corrupt systems. You don't have to even dig too deep into varying Transformers media to see the criticisms of systems.

Some of the best Megatron origins are built on him being the product of a corrupt system. The caste system that appears in transformers where they push for a society that 'form dictates function'. What you transform into is what you should be and your function determines where you are placed in the system.

Ones beliefs, morals, and own opinions is what determines their politics. and sometimes those beliefs, and opinions will be woven into the narrative. Sometimes very subtly, and other times quite blatantly as that person has an agenda and opts to use their selected medium to get that through.

Stories shape us, and our lives and beliefs shape our stories. Even if we do things for fun, meaning can be drawn from it.

I wrote a fanfic and I got the most amazing review where someone picked up on themes about characters respective pride and the pitfalls that go with it.

Totally not something I went in with conscious intent but it was something someone was able to draw from it.

It's like how various ships happen. You look at two characters and while maybe the text isn't pointing towards those characters getting together, but something sub textual, something in you interpretation of a character you see them as being a pair.

NOTE: I will admit that it is at THIS point that I looked into what the 'problem' that they were responding to was. I wish OOP had included the full text, as I don't see why they shortened it.

Here is the full 'problem' for full context:

'Fandom isn't activism' has to be one of the dumbest takes I've ever heard. Here's a history lesson: Fandom has always been a radical zone full of all kinds of activist takes. From Spock and Kirk being secretly shipped by fans to becoming a great platform for fandom today to exist to bodice rippers being an outlet for safe female sexual expression that grew into a feminist reckoning on consent. When the very media you consume is embroiled in political, ethical, and moral scenarios and then expanded upon by those that consume it... Everything has a message, a bias, and even problematic elements. That's part of the whole shebang, darling. How you choose to interact is your own business but don't be so foolish as to think you are above or beyond the reach of engagement, American or otherwise.

Actually I do see why they shortened it, it was because just dunking on the 'fandom is activism' and saying that without the whole rest made it look dumb.

Like this person was just saying fandom is activism and not quantifying it by the very ways it WAS activism.

Stories about trans people helped me better understand the struggle trans people deal with.

A black woman sharing her fun fandom bits led me to also watching her other takes. She still has her fun moments but also takes some time to share her opinions and politics more up front.

She does the fun stuff, but with all her values still there even if the fun stuff is for fun. And then it leads to her also having a space she can share stuff.

I mean AO3 is literally the blood sweat and tears of our queer brothers and sisters who came before us. Those older members of fandom who dared to ship two men together, which may I remind you, we had to have PSAs not even a quarter of a century ago that saying 'that's so gay' is not okay.

The right for same sex couples to get married was only given 10 years ago. Back in the 80s the AIDs crisis was seen as the queer community getting its just desserts.

I do think there's nothing wrong with carving out your spaces where you're like 'no politics here' like on servers, and opting not get on a soap box yourself.

But there has been so much knowledge I've gained about consent, about getting a better understanding for people, and even if I didn't get something in a story at one point in my life, or I related to a different character at one point, I may relate to them at another point in my life.

If stories did not inspire, did not teach, did not make people look at things with a different perspective, make people dream, did not make people go 'wait a minute maybe there's a different way', or that they might not be alone and there are people like them out there.

They would not be banning books.

Re: 6723

Everything has a message, a bias, and even problematic elements. That's part of the whole shebang, darling. How you choose to interact is your own business but don't be so foolish as to think you are above or beyond the reach of engagement, American or otherwise.

That makes “everything” activism (not just fandom) and, to paraphrase The Incredibles, if everything is activism then nothing is. Which means, “darling,” that you might want to consider not being “so foolish as to think you are above or beyond” making something as joyful as fandom into your personal soapbox, which others may find to have “problematic elements.”

Posting as a response to a previous problem.

[juniebgroans]

I feel like I've made this post before but I'm bored and thinking about Deep Space Nine and so thus I must rank all star trek series on their levels of gayness

The Original Series: literally so gay but in a like. Homoerotic undertone way. Like Sam and Frodo looking longingly into each others eyes. Like the original Holmes and Watson proclaiming their respect and adoration for each other. 10/10 gay

The Animated Series: never seen it. Theres a catgirl tho, so I guess a 3/10??

Next Generation: I love TNG but there is not a single gay on the crew. 5/10 and that's only because Q exists. Its a crime that Picard had to be a brick wall of heterosexuality because Kirk and Q would've made out on the bridge.

Deep Space Nine: ABSURDLY GAY. Dax = trans. Garak exists. Bashir falls in love with anyone of any gender that pays attention to him. Kira has a weird poly thing with the O'Brians and also shes an angry bisexual activist. Odo and Quark are little gay rivals. Ezri is a baby enby. 1000/10 gay, Worf had the biggest culture shock for this specific reason when he joined the station.

Voyager: My comfort star trek despite being almost as straight as TNG. Thankfully the Doctor is a very Frasier-esque gay and Seven of Nine is an asexual lesbian half-cyborg which is enough. 6/10 gay

Enterprise: Shran is Obsessed with Captain Archer and I'm very happy for him. Malcolm is gay and I will not take questions about it. 5/10 gay but also T'pol and Tripp are like the best straight couple in star trek because of the LONGING.

The Alternate Series: great movies, Chris Pine is very attractive. Unfortunately, oops all straights. 0/10 gay

Discovery: First actual gay representation in star trek. Tig Notaro makes me happy. The doctor/engineer (can't remember their names) couple was clearly written by someone that shipped Tripp/Malcolm. 8/10 gay, points removed for making it very normal and background-y and not having the chaos of TOS and DS9

Picard: Seven is a lesbian and Raffi is cool. Overall my least favorite new Star Trek series but in terms of gayness, a good 9/10

Lower Decks: Beckett is bi and Tendi is trans and thats that folks. Also some fun shout outs to Spock/Kirk. 9/10 gay

Prodigy: kids show that hasn't really established romantic relationships between any characters, gay or straight, so I've disqualified it from getting a ranking.

Strange New Worlds: Nurse Chapel is the bisexual Kira never could openly be in the 90s. I'm in love with Ortegas. Spock is technically straight but has the exact same homoerotic undertones with Pike that he does with Kirk so like. Very accurate to the mythology. 10/10 gay.

[swimmingwolf59]

✨2022 Writing Year In Review✨

I was tagged by @lenievi​! Thanks for the tag, I love doing stuff like this! 🥰

1. Number of stories posted to AO3: 17

2. Word count posted for the year: 122,912 (pretty sure this is close to my yearly average which is just like ?????? how tf do I write that much 😭)

3. Fandoms I wrote for: star trek (tos, aos), khr, and pokemon technically

4. Pairings: spones, sarek&spock, mccoy&amanda, 1859, 8018, and platonic 5933

5. Story with the most:

- Kudos: Reciprocal Averaging (373) (thanks so much y’all!! 😭😭🙏)

- Bookmarks: Reciprocal Averaging again lol (110)

- Comments: And, who could’ve guessed! Reciprocal Averaging (24)

6. Work I’m most proud of (and why):

Out of the light, my mirrorverse spones fic. I’m really proud of the worldbuilding I did for that fic, especially in terms of adapting tos episodes into their mirrorverse versions. I’m also pretty proud of the emotional journey spones have, I feel like it actually progressed well and I feel like I’m usually terrible at that kind of thing lol. Also figuring out how to fit in the rest of the crew, what their mirrorverse selves are like (including bones, who was SO FUN TO FIGURE OUT!!) was a great time!!

7. Work I’m least proud of (and why):

Uhhh I’m not sure actually? I feel like the ones I’m “not proud of” are because I remember how much it sucked to edit them lol, and I feel like editing always makes me hate my work. So I try not to actually think that way about anything I’ve published 😅

8. Share or describe a favorite review you received:

A lot of people leave sweet reviews, and I’m really thankful for all of them!! It makes me so happy to hear that people are enjoying my stories 🥺 A few of my favorites were by fellow transmasc people telling me how much they appreciated my fluffy trans!spock fic, but those felt too personal to share here so I thought I’d share this one instead:

I adore how this opens with Jim's POV, and with so many little asides and details that make my heart sing. From Jim's teasing, to 'arguing', to McCoy being too mad to even notice Jim entering the room, to the PDA discussion to... well, you get the idea. It makes the fic feel so deep and layered and an incredible addition to the BW series. And then the whole litany of failed first dates, lol. I don't think I could pick a favorite no matter how many times I reread this. But I love Spock being so determined to make this happen for Leonard's sake (even to inadvertently sabotaging one of the dates), and Leonard's ever-underlying insecurities rearing their ugly heads. Love how they work through it all, and the wonderfully romantic "final first date" at the end - even Kirk's determination that they will have a great one, and that's an order, dammit! Heart-warming and made me laugh out loud several times. I adore the relationship you've crafted between Spock and Leonard and always look forward to the next story in the series. Thank you for continuing to share these delightful interludes with us!

This person leaves a lot of kind reviews, but this one especially was SO nice to receive because I rewrote next time for sure SO MANY TIMES to figure out the failed date attempts and make the story feel fleshed out and real, so it was really nice to hear my efforts paid off~

9. A time when writing was really, really hard:

Honestly the last few weeks of 2022 were really tough, especially in terms of writing for 12dos and my 100th fic on ao3 celebration. Tbh I think I put too much on myself LOL right around holidays when I was really busy and had a few covid scares so I was just super stressed out and hating everything I was writing. But I’m getting back into some wips this year and things have calmed down so I’m feeling a lot better about things!

10. A scene or character you wrote that surprised you:

Tbh I was NOT expecting to get back into writing khr again LMAO and somehow I wrote like 4 fics this year??? XDD I think Customization especially was surprising because I had the vague idea for it and then sat down and wrote it in like an hour lol, it was a lot of fun tho!

11. A favorite excerpt of your writing:

I wanted to share something from out of the light but all of my favorite scenes are a little too steamy to just post on here I feel LOL so have this excerpt from Held Together:

“Do you even know where you are going, Leonard?” Spock asks, somewhat amused. It would entertain him to no end to watch McCoy try, and probably fail, to navigate the mountains Spock knows so well, but it would be more amusing if it wasn’t nearing midnight.

“Sure.” McCoy stops and points up at the night sky. “That’s Sehlat Kan-bu, over there is the Scholar.”

Spock stops just behind him. “…You are aware of our ancient constellations?”

“Constellations have always been an interest of mine,” McCoy says with a shy smile. “I’ve always thought that what people see in the night sky says a lot about their culture. Once I finished learning all of Earth’s, I started to learn those of alien cultures, too. It’s surprisingly common throughout the galaxy, though of course on Vulcan most constellations were devised before the time of Surak. I’d have a hard time imagining T’Pau pointing up at the sky and claiming that a certain star cluster looks like a sehlat.”

A small smile tugs at Spock’s lips. “Certainly not in public, anyway.”

McCoy laughs and turns to keep hiking. “It shouldn’t be much further.”

Spock’s curiosity is piqued now as he follows McCoy across the rocks. He has to admit he hadn’t been expecting much, particularly once he realized that McCoy was taking him into the mountains. Spock has quite literally seen everything on these mountains many times, so he had wondered what McCoy could possibly show him that he hadn’t seen before.

But now that McCoy seems to actually possess an intimate knowledge of the area, Spock is much more curious to find out what it is.

They walk for 10.6 more minutes before McCoy comes to a stop, staring up at the sky. He is standing in the middle of a clearing that Spock had once named Sehlat’s Bed, due to the unusual amount of times he had stumbled upon a wild sleeping sehlat in the area. Fortunately, there doesn’t seem to be one here now, but Spock stays on alert as he comes to a stop beside McCoy.

“A-ha! There it is.” McCoy points upwards. “That’s K’diwa.”

“Roughly translates to lovers,” Spock comments, staring up at it. “I too enjoyed learning the constellations when I was younger, and this is one of the only ones that I thought actually looked like its name. You can see the line of stars where the two beings become entwined, one being—”

He turns, only to find McCoy now holding out two of his fingers. Before Spock can even raise an eyebrow, he murmurs in Vulcan, “Spock, will you be parted from me and never parted? Never and always touching and touched?”

Spock’s breath catches. He had not expected this, and it probably shows on his face. Even though he should have known it was coming, it turns out that McCoy managed to surprise him after all.

12. How did you grow as a writer this year:

God these kinds of questions are so hard lol because I feel like I have no perception of how to judge my writing????I feel like I’ve improved in crafting stories with like actual plots in them lol, which I think was always a weakness of mine. I’ve also tried writing a lot of different kinds of stories this year, so that was cool!

13. How do you hope to grow next year:

I wanna get better at writing shorter things, since I think it takes a lot of skill to fit a fully fledged story into just a few thousand words. I also wanna continue improving at plot building and descriptions lol

14. Who was your greatest positive influence this year as a writer (could be another writer or beta or cheerleader or muse etc etc):

well tbqh the answer seems to be sarek LOL. 1859 and spones ofc are also always my muses 😄

15. Anything from your real life show up in your writing this year:

hmm other than my obsession with nature and wildlife LOL I don’t think so

16. Any new wisdom you can share with other writers:

Something I’ve been doing this year is editing fics on my phone (and by that I mean reading them on gdocs on my phone and doing the actual editing on my computer document), but the main thing that’s important about this I think is that it tricks my brain into thinking I’m reading something “new” because it LOOKS different. Like I think part of the reason editing is so hard for me is because I know what it’s SUPPOSED to say, so that’s how I read it even if there are typos/grammatical errors/better ways to phrase/etc. So I think it’s really helpful during editing to read your story on a different document, or with a different font, cause at least for me I’m a lot more likely to catch mistakes that way!

17. Any projects you’re looking forward to starting (or finishing) in the new year:

I am SO excited to work on the next fic in my pokemon spones series because I’m introducing sarek and amanda LOL. I also got newfound direction for my sarek & mccoy 5+1 meetings fic so I’m looking forward to working on that more! (I told you my muse was Sarek lololol). Otherwise I’m looking forward to working on new spones and 1859 stories, finishing this spock/scotty fic I have, and working on my original story idea as well! OH also my QPR fics that I’ve been working on and am excited to share hopefully this year!!

18. Tag some writers whose answers you’d like to read.

Idk who to tag, so if you want to do this, consider yourself tagged!