#i also dont know what a fucking sonnet is

[funsizedcoffee]

me on my way to pick up my high school diploma for graduation still not knowing the difference between the subject and the object of a sentence

[zimmer438]

Rant #1 : Mustard shortage

TW: SA, Mustard, colorful language, a little bit of racism???

It is so hard to be a good person. I try so hard and so far I am a decent human being, but every once in a while (every waking moment of my existence) god decides to throw another one of his bitch-ass creations (may I dare say human) at me full speed. For example I was in the cafeteria today and some random ass man with a thick jersey accent came up to me and started talking about the mustard shortage he legit said "you can only get get yellow 'round here, I just want some dijon to spice up my meal" BITCH FIRST OF ALL I DON'T KNOW YOU, SECOND OF ALL YOUR MEAL??? YOU MEAN YOUR HAM SANDWICH??? also we have this stupid class about 'mindful learning' its like how to use your planner and how to study but i swear the teacher is just spewing sonnets like he is just saying things to be said. He was talking about a word and he was like "you know..like to be ravished..like you're extremely hungry.." BRO YOU MEAN RAVENOUS???? Also I had a dream last night where I met Tokio Hotel and Bill, Gustav, and Georg and they were very nice but when I took a picture with Tom he groped me (this was just a dream I know he isn't like this in real life JUST A DREAM). Anyways I AM SO MAD THAT I MISSED TOM'S LIVE YESTERDAY! Did y'all see Bill's penis Slippers? Thats like actually so cunt of him. Also I was in art class and my bbg pookie dookie (my bestieeee) wasn't there so I had to group with these 3 boys and boy 1 was drawing and showed it to boy 2 and 3 and boy 2 was like "you're drawing is decently bad" and boy 1 responded with "you know whats decently bad? your mom's vagina." I almost pissed myself because like I couldn't laugh because i didn't want them to know i was eavesdropping. also boy 1 told boy 3 that "If it was the 1800's I would buy you and set you free' (boy 3 is black) is all happened while me and those boys had to draw that fucking red lumpy blood clot from yo gabba gabba (IDK WHY OUR TEACHER MADE US DRAW HIM). ALSOO my jeans are too big so everyone and their mama can see my undiesssss and i have to staple them up to they dont draggg. anyways it been a rough week and its only Wednesday but its okay because i have 3 things coming from TEMU 🤩 i am currently writing this in the corner of my school library during study hall. also im new to tubulr and the FANFIC ON HERE...anyways here is a cute photo i found...

[londonlock]

I have a new obsession with Micheal Sheen and if you look on Spotify you can find him read Shakespeare sonnets and all that and to most popular one is a passage from Persuasion and it has a chokehold on me. His voice and emotion. He has such talent it is unbearable. I think you should look into all the other things he has done.

I myself, saw the heartbreak ahead of time and so have not watched Good Omens Season 2. But still I watch fan edits and my soul does ache over and over again from it. I will wait for season 3 but my love for Micheal Sheen does threaten to ruin my temporary safety from heart break.

I am sorry to torture you so.

hello again!!! no worries about the torturing sbdjsjs! well i have visited spotify and well….. you have cursed me. you have let me bleed out in your arms. you have put water 10 metres away when i only have strength for 9. he has such a different voice for arizaphale! his real voice is - you know i’ve been listening to too many of his sonnets when all you can talk in is metaphors. ok his real voice is honey, it’s a clear stream, it’s bare feet in sand, all combined. yeah i have a glimpse into why you are so spellbound. “i am half-agony, half-hope” what the fuck. what is this wizardry. well this is something i must investigate further sbxbsn

welllll about good omens s2. it’s difficult and painful and frightening but you probably gotta watch it. (unless it literally threatens ur safety as u mention. then all that matters is that u love michael the least dangerously as possible sksnxns. stay safe. and if so then reject the rest of this paragraph.) this is the PERFECT time because you’re so deeply enamoured with michael. bc of that youre gonna have the BEST time. your heart and soul and brain and body and feelings and entire existence will never experience good omens 2 the way you can experience it now. have a cry, scream into a pillow, wiggle your legs a lot (this might just be me sbxbjs) and maybe then you can watch it. even if you know about the heartbreak, as you say, there’s still SO much to be discovered. i am holding your hand. but anyway. it’s all ok. you’re good either way <3

thank u anon!!!! if only we could meet again rather than being two sailboats on the ocean passing each other and never to be seen once more. i am full of wanting to talk about the sheen sonnets (a term i just coined) and also how you went with good omens s2. pls accept this as an invite to send any more updated asks!! or if you want to then dm me, you have good takes and we might get along a bit, and actually be able to talk about this stuff. i dont want to be a sailboat. but take care of yourself first and foremost! ily! 💗

[madstronaut]

Reading: Guile & Guilt by @the-californicationist

oh hey there is that you GUILE&GUILT aka one of my favorite comfort fics that literally powered my two end-of-year [redacted] projects and also that [redacted] presentation and helped successfully launch the [redacted] campaign at work in December? the world willl not know BUT I DO and me and my marketing team at [redacted] salute you for your service, cali & ao3!! I think I’ve literally read this fic about 30+ times lmao

WITHOUT FURTHER ADO, welcome to my stream-of-consciousness thoughts + a few (fuck jk who am i kidding a fuckton) of my favorite bits

- this has so so so many of my favorite tropes - forbidden romance, pretend dating, gonna give in just once (sike), guys who love going down on you, secret dating, YEARNING SO MUCH YEARNING, SHARING A BED, SHAKESPEAREAN SONNETS, Taking Care of Drunk!reader, impromptu fashion show?!fuckyes, misinterpretation+running away+Big Fucking Declaration of Love, talking about you in another language you don’t know, finishing each other’s sonnets!!!, scary older sister who can threaten her special forces brother, text thread chapters!!!, did I mention guys who love going dow-

- GAELIC NICKNAMES + THIEF THIEF THIEF THIEF (my dumb american ass spent an embarrassing amount of time trying to look up pronunciations on youtube and sound them out)

- soap’s sis aka reader’s bff warning her off from him? only for him fully suited up to find her wearing his shirt? is there a hotter fuckin meet-cute

- this was like the perfect mix of worldbuilding for me - fleshed out enough for me to step into and get lost in the best way, starting with the people surrounding both the reader and Soap - the reader was extremely relatable on an emotional level that I came to like her all on her own too and I was rooting for her in my head and the journey you are taken on in seeing Soap through her eyes - but ALSO the way she grows and blossoms tbh in the way she is seen by Soap AND by Pidge & co. is like just UNNNFFFFH storytelling climactic cathartic perfection for me - what is love if not to see, and be seen? anyway I’ll save waxing lyrical for reader & johnny ❤️

- there’s almost a part of me curious to see this whole story from Pidge’s POV - esp. when johnny says she kept reader away from him cos she knew he would like her - as someone who absolutely despises disappointing the people I love and have done metaphorical triple lutz backflips to avoid doing so I also deeply enjoyed the tension of reader going to pieces trying to reconcile Ye Ole How To Tell BFF I’m Fucked For (& Fucking) Her Brother AND found the ending confessions scenes so so so cathartic

- also really loved the ways reader & soap bonded over how well they each knew and loved pidge <3 the scene where johnny cries seeing reader present that shawl to her and the small and big ways reader is present in all the right ways for Pidgey totally made me tear up too - seeing someone you love love on your loved ones is such a special thing to see and I really hope it’s something everyone experiences ❤️

- the way soap’s gaze is described as basically drinking in the reader was probably one of the hottest things I’ve read - I basically re-lived how it felt to be looking at a crush and realize YOU ARE BEING LOOKED AT AS WELL - cali’s writing is basically like that scene where remy in ratatouille is shown experiencing food and flavors in 4D explosions in written form

- the little perv in me enjoyed the slightly dub-con of sleepy soap fingering reader on a cosmic and indescribable level, i knew that little shit wasn’t sleepfingering or whatever the equivalent of horny sleepwalking is and alternately this scene from soap’s pov would probably cause involuntary combustion, i dont make the rules here ok

-I went to my local sephora during lunch/coffee breaks trying to find the perfume/cologne equivalent of soap’s scent described here, that is how IRL feral this fic made me at one point…and also how i realized i do not like the scent of cloves lol

- hehehehehehe Stiff Peaks bakery

- the reader’s initial disbelief and difficulty in accepting johnny’s attraction to her - even though she notes all the little subtle tells - and her insecurity with the bekah/anjali/cherise crew is so so relatable and made me just want to alternately give her a huge hug but also at the same time do a grab her by the shoulders and give an intense pep talk complete with whiteboard erasable markered bullet points of ‘Yes You For Soap’ PLEASE See Section I, II, III, and articles A, B, C, and sub-articles 1, 2, 3, etc. etc. 

- “You regretted your decision to drag him out of the house again. You should’ve kept him all to yourself, covetous and selfish like a hoarder, locking him in like a shorn Repunzel, playing like Circe with her pigs. But, you didn’t want to be Circe. You wanted to be Penelope. Permanent, as impossible though it may have been. 

Was he Odysseus? Or Narcissus?” is one of my favorite lines in this story. books on greek mythology were the first I ever picked up as a kid in my local library growing up and reading the odyssey in high school made these references just *CHEFS KISS*

- ProjectRunawayJudgeAU!Johnny makes an appearance and I’ll just leave this quote here: ““Creepin’ Jesus! You look like if 1982 was a person, lass. Back in the room with you, mhèirleach! Christ Almighty.”

- reader & soap’s “promise” text exchanges - even when they weren’t talking -  are dipped in resin for preservation and carefully wrapped and locked away in a china cabinet in a warm and cozy and safe corner of my hearthouse, to be taken out and ruminated over on tough days for me

- I could literally hear in my head 141 mocking soap when they were singsonging the sonnet they all ended up memorizing and laughed my ass off for a good 5 min when i first read this

- another favorite verse simply because of the AUDACITY of cali to juxtapose sex+sacredness+implying soap is basically worshipping reader with his dick - “melting into you with a slick slide, trusting you implicitly, believing you like a disciple. “

- i may be a leetle bit pervy but also a big fuckin softie and I also teared a bit at johnny’s tenderness at caring for reader/141 being so happy for johnny post-apartment romp, and also at price both being there/giving space to reader when she and johnny weren’t talking ❤️

- also sidenote ahem the pricethirst that gripped my throat out of nowhere at these two sentences AND him fishing out the dogtags-

“Price held the coin up to you like the sacrament, discovering your shame, bringing your sin out into the open. In that moment, you wanted to bend down on both knees and take it into your mouth, and you wanted him to make you whole again with it. “

- I had the most delicious privilege of seeing the fics go live each chapter at a time towards the end and I gasped and screamed out loud like when I used to watch LOST episodes air live lol - those Pidge vs. Johnny arguments about his service esp. when he CALLED HER BRIGETTE had me getting up to take a walk around the house before I could continue reading lol THE DRAMA!!!! yesyesyes I felt like I was the audience in a Jerry Springer episode here

- “Ghost spoke at full volume, not caring who heard him,” this line took me out for a full minute, big “THAT’LL DO” vibes iykyk and of course him being the one to point out the mic still being on was just *CHEFS KISS* PERFECTION

- literally my entire body went up in goosebumps the first time i finished reading the scene of the mic still being on and I just kept saying OH GOD PIDGE SHE KNOWS PIDGE! FUCK! PIDGE FUCK OH NO OH GOD for a good 10 minutes

- tbh i would read a Big Slut Choir Boy Johnny fic

- fun fact, I learned what a sporran is thanks to this fic! truly, thank you fanfiction for statistically increasing my vocabulary 4000%

- now i love me the many many flavors of all the different alternate versions of soap across fanfic (pouring one out for all my fanfic writers rn) but G&G’s soap has a special place in my heart in how cali both captured his character in the games story/campaign modes and took his best and most memorable traits and built on them in the best way possible on his journey in falling for the reader and esp. in him talking about his dreams and future plans with her, esp. in light of his fate in MWIII… if you’ve ever loved someone and not had it work out and had to let them go and not only grieve their loss but the dreams and hopes and futures and the potential of everything they/we could have been, and wondered… what if? I found something very tender and healing for me in a personal way in this Johnny Lives, Loves, and Is Loved story ❤️

i made literally a throwaway paragraph comment on how this was one of my comfort fics and cali wrote one of the most beautiful nonfiction pieces of writing I’ve read in fandom (and tbh outside of fandom?!) on basically like, the heart and soul of fanfic and I encourage everyone to give it a read here (https://www.tumblr.com/the-californicationist/738127290521829376/madstronaut-this-is-one-of-the-nicest-things) and let it fill you with a warm glow like it does for me everytime I recall it ❤️

The Challenge: Comment on every fanfic you read and enjoy in the month of January.

Every chapter. Every one shot. Every drabble. Every ficlet. Whether it’s on a personal website, a blog, or an archive. Whether you’ve read it a hundred times before or you’re reading it for the first time. Whether the fic was posted years ago or minutes ago. Whether you sign your name or leave your thoughts anonymously. Whether your comment is paragraphs in length or a few short words. Comment on every fanfic you read and enjoy in the month of January.

The Philosophy: Comments are what keep a fandom thriving and growing.

We don’t see comments as a transaction. They’re not a price paid for reading a fic. We see comments as an interaction, a way of building relationships. Comments are a courtesy, not a currency. [x]

Fandom is a relationship between dozens,hundreds, thousands, maybe millions of fans, and the only way for the greater fandom relationship to function, is for those fans to interact. One way to interact is by writing and reading fanfic. A writer prompts an interaction by posting their work; it is up to the reader to then acknowledge (or not acknowledge).

As one of our favorite blogs, @ao3commentoftheday​, said: [x]

“Comment if you can, but don’t be bullied or pressured into it. A comment should be written in the same spirit as the fic itself: wanting to reach out to other people who love the same fandom as you do. It’s not easy to do that, I know, and I don’t hold it against you at all if you can’t.”

The Only Rule: Be kind.

Be kind to your fandoms’ writers.

Please note that this challenge is to “comment on every fanfic you read and enjoy in the month of January.” As our fandom forebears were fond of saying, “Don’t like, don’t read.” For FaFiCoWriMo, we have taken that one step further by saying, “Don’t like, don’t comment.”

No matter how well-intentioned, critique is useless unless it comes from a place of trust. Unless you know an author personally and they have specifically asked for your critique, please keep it to yourself.

It costs zero of your currency and zero of your time to not be a jerk.

Be kind to yourself.

If you do find yourself unable to comment on every fic (for whatever reason), remember this: we forgive you, zero judgement. [x]

[luobingmeis]

shakespeare’s sonnet 18 is giving me a headache and not bc i don’t understand it, but bc i understand it too much and, to make it fit the topic im pursuing, i have to take up a stance that i don’t actually believe in and it feels Wrong to do that and also my professor will Absolutely see through my bullshit

[neonun-au]

thoughts on k r&b? favorite artists/producers? i trust your opinion…..

if you want something more specific then rank beenzino’s discography lol

wow this sent me down a rabbit hole lmao i used to dip my toes a LOT into k r&b but i fell out of it after a while cause the rappers that crossed over with it so often started to annoy me a lil bit when show me the money became like...a big thing LMAO so so many of my faves are old old

beenzino has a great discography. hes definitely up there as a fave. 24 26 girl live life like a fish...still top peak album so good.

i mean zion.t is a classic and he undeniably made so much good stuff, but primary was really where it was at for me. he seems to have sort of...disappeared, but his 2012 album??? unreal. SEETHRU?????

what happened to sonnet son? she was so interesting and its so hard to find her stuff now fdjksf ms. burgundy was my fucking jam the year it came out i was so into it

i kind of fell off of it around the time dean started gaining popularity but his first album i still love. 21 is a solid bop every time i listen to it

simon d. simon dominic. simon d o m i n i c oh oh. classic. he makes great stuff. cheerz still goes as hard as ever

suran is always a good listen. like no matter what she does, her voice just comes through so nicely.

gray had a hand in a lot of songs i really loved back in the day, and to this day still he's making some interesting stuff. blink was and still is a real fave (esp the remix)

giriboy has been making a lot of things lately that i very much enjoy as well, and he has been a staple for a while i think !

i also sort of miss kanto? he did some really fun collabs with some idols. his song with infinite's sunggyu was one i listened to a lot back in the day. i should catch up with his stuff

crush is good, but i never really got too much into his stuff. i loved his song 'sometimes' but i loved the cover by jamie park (ne jimin park) a lot more than the original tbh i was trying to find it but its so impossible fjhdaskjfd maybe ill have to upload it from my itunes

dynamic duo's 7th album (luckynumbers) is one that i really enjoyed. it was like...nice summertime r&b.

i used to listen to this guy called eachone a lot. he had an album in 2012 called diorama that i was really really in love with. especially the song i like...

this soulights album in particular

sexyhomme had some mixtapes that i loved that sort of straddled the line between r&b and hip hop a lot, but i always loved them. theyre difficult to find now, but he has some stuff up on spotify that is still very good ! (also 0 monthly listeners??? wth?)

do you remember that cover of officially missing you that geeks did? i dont know what happened to them but i still listen to that song. they did one with jo hyunah of urban zakapa too called just go and i really love that song

as far as the current k r&b scene goes, i think that bibi and bi (funny) are making some really interesting stuff ! btbt blew my fucking mind so im happy to see him doing some stuff. and bibi is hit or miss for me with her actual songs but i always think she's doing something interesting.

mino's last album is genuinely phenomenal. im so into it. i think he has been doing some really interesting things for a while now but that album was sort of the best of him all boiled down into one package. i loved kill and the title track tang ofc

sam kim put out a nice album in 2018 that i got to late but its a great time.

i would be remiss if i didnt mention feeldog !! ex-idol now doing a lot of production and his own solo stuff. and its all exceptionally good and very underrated. detox really is a favourite of mine this year, such a gem

the scene has changed so much from when i used to actively pay attention to it i dont even really know who is still in it beyond the k r&b that is so seeped into the fabric of kpop itself now. im glad so many idols are finding some purchase in the genre through solo careers and stuff, like genuinely i love yugyeoms r&b, and baekhyun and kai make some really solid stuff.

honestly it seems to me like the future of k r&b is a lot of idols / ex idols who genuinely grew up on and love the genre and are bringing their flavour and experience from the pop industry side of things to r&b and i think thats pretty cool. its always been rather interwoven, but you see more and more crossover now than ever before

[rascal-shark]

for my 3d animation class (art major) i animated sonic the hedgehog as a bird going on a series of blind dates in an alternate universe target (as a sequel to my previous 20 second animation where the red orbs outside target are actually the noses of buried clowns and the clown honks him to death for going too fast) and he dates dr doofenshmirtz, clippy from microsoft paint, the cashier who is a grian minecraft looking ass for some reason, and his own clone who is shrek themed and explicitly implies... things (”you know what they say... what would ya do if ya... met yer own clone”). he is so awful that everyone leaves through the bathroom window into the void. i voice acted all of it (including dr doofensmirtz getting a swirly in the toilet by getting on my knees over my toilet and gurgling water in my mouth dramatically while i repeatedly flushed the toilet... i never saw p&f and APPARENTLY thats a canon traumatic moment for him so i dont know how the fuck i prophesized that) and also including a southern belle accent for clippy microsoft office “woohoo me i do love me some lil old clip art <3″. i got an a somehow. i dont know how. op you deserve an a for this very sane shark that is not in fact deranged sonnet the hedge-bird.

actually……1 more thing because I realised I haven’t posted this yet. the best & worst piece of art I’ve ever made - 3D shark called biscuit that I modelled for a class a few years ago. toiled on him for hours, cried over him, went on a journey with him. still failed the class. he haunts me to this day

[mostlymaudlin]

self-recs 💫

prompt was: post your favorite five fics that you've written, then pass on to at least five other writers. thank you @urban-sith @nightimedreamersworld @you-remind-me-of-the-babe for tagging me! i feel like im late so idk who has done this already but i tag @starwarned @seducing-a-vampire @otherpeoplesheartachept-2 @prettylightsbigcity @sillyunicorn

i'm only gonna do snowbaz, and also these are just in order of how recent they are bc i dont know how to rank them lol

1. Something's Gotta Give Now (T), 7k

this is my most recent snowbaz fic and i really really liked writing it. it's an au, and i don't really want to give too much away because part of what i like about this fic is the way the backstory unravels. but the gist is: baz plays a sexy, angsty vampire on a popular tv show, and simon is very bitter and very funny about it.

i did this after not writing snowbaz for a while, so i feel like i was able to return to the characters with fresh eyes and some broken bad habits. the third person is nice too -- i definitely write more cleanly in third. it's definitely not crack (which was my original intention lmfao, it's technically my crackfest entry), but im not really mad about it. i gave up on my ability to not to take it seriously about 500 words in. also, there's a second chapter that it just unhinged shit lmfao.

2. The Places We Build (T), 4k

this fic plays with the idea of: what if simon and baz decided in their first year at watford that they didn't want to hate each other? what if everything was the same, except nothing was the same, because they were friends? i like it because i feel like it has a strong heartbeat. i love to see how much of a world i can create in the least amount of words, and there's a looooot of history packed into these 4k words. very tender. very cuddly :)

3. love means slowly using losing your mind (E), 8k

this one was so fun to write. another au -- baz is a wedding planner, simon is penny/sheps best man (yes, both of them). it's loosely based on THAT scene from the movie 27 Dresses (iykyk) but it stands on its own. i like how i leaned into the setting here -- it feels like a very accessible world to me, like you could close your eyes and see the pub. and also i really just like to put my blorbos in a situation where they get drunk and have fun hahaha. as always, shit gets kind of real and snowbaz are their usual intense selves. also there's awkward car sex, which was hilarious to write.

4. Jump Up, Chosen One! (T), 8k

dude. what the FUCK was i on here..... this is perhaps the most plot-driven thing i've ever written, while also being one of the WEIRDEST things ive ever written. the premise is: simon goes off, trapping him, niall, dev, and baz in a Super Mario Bros game. and like. it's silly, yeah. but when i read back through im always like -- oh, ok, there's a lot of heart in this! good job rory! more reasons to love: lots of fun niall & dev screen time, simon solving problems thru the power of Being Determined, a tender moment that i interrupt several times by reminding you that simon and baz do indeed look like mario characters, penny solving problems thru the power of Being Clever, and a surprise tonal shift at the end lmfao. idk man. there's a lot going on here and i think it's p sweet.

5. In black ink my love may still shine bright (M), 5k

even though i hate that i used a fuckin long ass shakespeare quote as a title (lmao. like it fits and i love that sonnet but still. tacky !), this fic is great. @starwarned and i talk a lot about the power of The Slutty M-Rated Fic, and this is my best work in that regard. post-awtwb, date night -- they get ice cream and go to a bar and... shenanigans ensue. it's sweet and happy and nothing bad happens. NICE. the e-rated sequel is the first smut i ever wrote. i was so nervous about it. look at me now.... our resident blood slut LMAO.

honorable mentions, because im a dirty cheater. these probably belong in top 5 but ive been talking about them already recently so i didnt want to be repetitive.

closer to the sun (E), 6k: simpard taken seriously. investigations and road trips and finding purpose and... dragon-fucking.

Nothing Equals The Splendor (T), 52k: my longest fic! gbbo au. a labor of love.

[wolficake]

Making the joke I want to make is just too fucking easy, so instead I'm going to give the bpys and men some advice, as someone who is MARRIED happily and is just as obsessed with my spouse as he is with me.

Be poetic. If you genuinely like a girl and want to court her, write your own poetry. About her, about nature, about fucking video games even. You dont have to learn shakespeare sonnets by heart. In fact, most women know that most of shakespeare is just dick jokes. (But, if you can make her LAUGH, thats also really good!)

Be nice, be GENUINELY interested.

If you ever find that you're just doing these things to impress her and not because you want to make her happy, then dont be with her.

If you were interested, you would bring more to the table for conversation as opposed to putting the burden of being interesting solely on her. Like, what, you can be a wet napkin but she has to be an interesting comedian? Most girls give simple answers bc when yall ask us these basic questions and we give genuine, long answers, yall tell them theyre doing too much.

Be engaging and maybe women will engage with you. Asking boring, basic questions, which are already an emotional landmine for women, makes you look disinterested and like youre just talking to her bc youre bored or just want easy sex. Likely both.

Maybe the men will learn something from this. Maybe not. But I hope so.

i wish i had his game

[doggerell]

top 5 clarence clarity lyrics !!!

FUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK YOURE MAKING ME CHOOSE? just kidding I know my fave. AFTER NUMBER ONE IS SO HARD THOUGH FUCK YOU

1- so what, can we call this art? - Fold 'Em (BOOM! Easy)

2- Help! I been assaulted - I let the sun come and eat me up / wait, no, I been exalted (not really) / I am a godless pyramid / they were looking through the holes in our chamber, we were fucking like mortals at a wake / spake: “were not built the same” -- now Im hanging out the mouth of the ocean, but space-time just gagged and threw me up/ love, were not built the same - SAME (Putting the entire chorus I dont care!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! its THAT GOOD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!)

3- was it genetic, did you catch it? & do I sound like I mean it? (do you mean it?) - Buck-Toothed Particle Smashers (I TRIED TO PUT SMTH ELSE HERE I RLLY DID. BUT I JUST COULDNT.)

4- Test of innocence, test of faith & you might find it bitter, you might feel defiled - It Is Happening Again (you could really just put the entire fucking song. the lyrics are SO good)

5- lucifer off my back, like that / Im the final revelation - The Gospel Truth (again. IMPOSSIBLE to pick a fav from this song. picking a Slightly less perverse one thats also Incredibly satisfing)

HONORABLE MENTIONS!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Just to be seen as honey / dripping as a pimp spunks money / just to be cute and heartless / flicking at the tongue-tied sonnet - Will To Believe (SO Cass-core)

cant stop me swallowing fire / Im addicted to myself / got vindictive desires / Ive gone off my grid - Off My Grid (death of the author (my tag abt deleting social media and rewriting my whole identity and ceasing to Exist) vibes..................)

set sail, in the styx & these tenterhooks hang taut dead air - Once in the Styx (its IMPERATIVE that you know how these sound. these mean nothing if you dont HEAR how Mr Clarity says them. all the lyrics of this song are so good but the Way he sings these........... augh.... set saaAEL) FUCKING. GODS A GOOD HEATHEN, GODS A GOOD FAKE. this song is NOT overrated fuck the guys on the discord!!!!!!!!! it IS!!!!!!!!!!!! THAT GOOD!!!!!!!!!!

[wickedpact]

your regularly scheduled ttt Thots

first main thought: sad. sad sad sad. poor achilles

second main thought: i was thinking abt this as i went to sleep but the difference in 'what an author wants to communicate with a piece of media' and 'what an audience wishes to take from a piece of media' are two different things that ive never thought of much before.

i mean when i read ttt issues, what i want is Lore. i want to learn about the characters, i want to see what makes them tick, i want to learn about their relationships with each other and see how they grow over the years. but thats not necessarily what the authors want to explore with their stories-- like, the nicky story tells you actually very little about nicky as a person or nicky and joe's relationship (at least it doesnt tell you anything we dont already know), and thats not really seemingly the point of the story itself.

but anyways.

ACHILLLESSSSSS

i was honestly expecting smth very different from this one, primarily bc the blurb mentioned andy 'returning' after leaving achilles and i thought that meant her returning to the squad. and bc booker became immortal around the time andy was with achilles, i thought this story would be about them meeting and the obvious clash they would have over andy mourning her relationship (that ended due to her immortality, that she had to let go of due to her immortality) and booker refusing to end his relationships bc he doesnt have the experience there that andy had.

but 'returning' meant returning to her and achilles' house and her finding out how she died, which. rip. i just kind of assumed he died of old age.

AND IT SUCKS bc she left specifically so he wouldnt get hurt, and all she ended up rlly doing is leaving him to die violently alone

i was kind of upset we didnt rlly learned much abt their relationship (what did andy love abt achilles? what did he love abt her? what did they spend their days doing after they retired?) i did love the little bits showing how the two were different, especially in regards to how his life as a runaway slave affected him (and didnt affect andy)

something something andy's immortality granted her the confidence to set aside her weapons so thoroughly for so long, while achilles' past as a slave and respective mortality didnt allow him to be so hasty

but anyways the fact that andy wanted peace so bad-- i mean, like ive said before, we kind of see some of the worst of andy (well, maybe not the worst worst of her) even within the movie. but regardless of how much andy is tired of humanity's shit and how much she likes to swing her axe, she's still a person who wants peace and quiet and safety at the end of the day like anyone else.

its one of a million things i like abt andy. she can be a vengeful god and a doting mother and a thousands-year-long mourning daughter and a tired mercenary & on top of all of those Layers(TM) she can be Just A Person Who Wants Peace. her multitudes are wild to think abt sometimes, how many lives she's led

'but the older she gets the harder she finds conjuring their love in her memory when she comes here. all thats left is the hate and rage that destroyed this place. and that will last forever' 😭

tbh this issue is kind of a monument to how much the immortals lose to bigotry & hatred

and speaking of, the nicky one was alright. like i said you dont really... . learn much abt nicky or joeandnicky. i mean

1. nicky misses joe when hes gone. shocker

2. nicky kills violent racists. double shocker

3. all the violence and hatred nicky witnesses over this period bothers him. huge shocker!

i mean nothing it goes over is a surprise and (unpopular opinion here) im not usually a fan of shmoopy romantic stuff. joe's speech is a huge exception to me and i think its bc the speech is Romance With A Point. that speech isnt just a bunch of flowery sentiments, but it actually tells the viewer quite a bit about joe and nicky's relationship.

(i remember in one of luca's interviews he mentioned that, while reading the tog script, he wondered what a 900 year long relationship would be like, but the answer to his question was pretty much all in the van speech.)

also i think ive mentioned this before, but i tend not to like joenicky fics where joe or nicky have a Big Speech for the other bc pretty much all other romantic sentiment pales in comparison to the van speech for me. and nicky's letter in this story is the same way for me. you can read the whole thing here if you want (the rest of the dialogue within this story is mostly just confederates being racist and nicky being like 'thats nice' before he kills them lmao)

i dunno the whole thing is like. im so sad and lonely. and im killing a bunch of people and that sucks. and im so lonely. and sad. did i mention i was killing people. the sun is mocking me. these clouds symbolize the storm in my heart. im so lonely. and also sad.

i dunno, it didnt unzip me. tho i like how the wine was spiked with that sweet 'joe as the sun' symbolism, love that for us

its also kind of ironically Another TTT Story dealing with 'nicky is killing a bunch of people and hes having a crisis over it'. ive said before, im not a big fan of nicky angst personally + the fact that there isnt much here to actually learn abt nicky + the fact i wasnt huge for nicky's Poetic Liberties + the lack of a solo joe to match this solo nicky kind of made me 'eh' abt it. it wasnt poorly written or anything! i just wasnt ham for it

like with the other ones (moon landing one for instance) even when there was stuff i wasnt huge for, there was other stuff i liked, like most of us didnt care for the depiction of joe and nicky's argument in that story, but the stuff with andy and joe arguing about the moon was cute, and the stuff with nicky and Booker's Relationship Advice was cute. but for this one it was mostly just the letter. and i wasnt huge for the letter, haha

also. mutton chop man

god did this to me bc i bitched too much abut the goatee. he saw my weakness and punished me for it

BUT HOLY FUCK DID YALL SEE THE SHAKESPEARE SONNET QUOTE IN THERE???? ? SONNET 43 BABEY EVERY DAY WE GROW CLOSER TO GODS LIGHT

[tintinwrites]

Telling Pedro Characters ‘I Love You’ During Sex but it’s Accurate (I’m kidding) and I’m an Asshole to the Characters

Again, I love Pedro and all the fics you guys write, this is for fun!

Agent Whiskey

you enjoy your eight month anniversary at Denny’s, romantically eating from the same Grand Slam meal

yes he takes you there in his car like your first date but

“I ain’t done with you yet, sugar dumplin’.”

y’all go back to your place for another two minutes of sexy fun

halfway through is when he actually does a pretty good thrust and you say it: “I love you, Whiskey.”

he stops thrusting for a second and you’re like OH NO HE DOESN’T LOVE ME EVEN THO WE’VE BEEN TOGETHER FOR MONTHS AND HE’S OBSESSED WITH ME

“Oh, baby doll, I love you like a hog loves the sound of a red-headed woodpecker as it square dances in a patch of mud.”

6/10 for being in love with even if the sex is mediocre

Dave York

please don’t say it

pLeAsE dO NoT tElL dAvE yOrK tHaT yOu LoVe HiM!!!!!!!

WHY WOULD YOU LOVE THIS MAN HONESTLY

WAS IT THE SWEAT DRIPPING FROM HIS DRESS SHIRT AS HE FUCKED INTO YOU FOR 30 SECONDS

NOT EVEN SURE HOW YOU FOUND THE TIME TO TELL HIM DURING SEX BUT “I love you!”

why

anyway he kills you

-408/10 for being in love with and I don’t have to explain why

Din Djarin

he’s been alone for a long time

there is something so easy about falling in love with this intimidating, yet gentle and patient man if you’re with him

and, hell, maybe it’s only sex because you’re both lonely and you don’t know if he’d ever want more but

“Mando...Mando, I love you.”

the man doesn’t take his helmet off to fuck you and you’re still in love with him like a pining little fool

he doesn’t say anything, but he is more protective of you and more considerate with you and maybe he...

4/10 for being in love with bc the boy is a little awkward but I think he might love you too

Ezra

I am not sure how you get a word in edgewise with this man and the sonnets he recites when he’s fucking you

“Oh would that I could cut these ties that bind me. Out, damned spot! Out, I say!”

who says that when they come i would like to know please

he makes you cum pretty good tho so yes you’re gonna tell this man who is your fuck buddy? fuck acquaintance? that you love him as he rocks into you

he doesn’t even pause

“If I could love thee any more impenetrably, I think mine heart would climb out of one of my many orifices to allow your full claim upon it.”

does that mean he loves you i dont really know

4/10 for being in love with bc he’s just so confusing let’s not pretend any of us are smart enough to put up with him

Frankie ‘Catfish’ Morales

you’ve been dating him for a few months when you realize the squeezing in you that you notice whenever you see him means something else

the puppy dog eyes that follow his every move is pointed out by Pope any time he’s hanging out with the two of you

it’s not until he’s asked you to stay the night and he’s slowly rutting into you that the words tell themselves

“I love you, Frankie.”

he pauses and he lets out this charmed little laugh

“Love you too, baby.”

honestly the best sex you’ve ever enjoyed with him

10/10 for being in love with bc he loves you very much too :)

Javier Peña

oh sweetie you knew he was going to break your heart when sex became a casual thing between the two of you rather than a one night stand

Javi is grumpy and he is sad but there are times when he is too sweet and funny not to fall in love with

not to mention that he knows your body like his own and he’s the best sex partner you’ve ever been with

you don’t mean to say it you want want to say it don’t say it dont say it “I love you, Javi.”

he stops, then he keeps fucking you like you didn’t say anything to him

he immediately rolls off you and smokes a cigarette without really acknowledging you

“This was a lot of fun.” he says like you’re some random person he barely knows and you tell him to call you about lunch and he grunts and you cry

1/10 for being in love with bc maybe with some time he could be convinced but I’m not sure

Marcus Pike

it is not you who says I love you during sex

it’s Marcus

totally

he smiles at you as you ride him and just says, “I love you.”

and you love him too because how could you not love this man

lots of kissing and giggling and ooh that orgasm tho

IDK HOW TO SAY THIS MAN IS LITERALLY PERFECT!!!!!!!!!

400/10 for being in love with bc he will offer you a life and a home and a family if you want DON’T LOOK AT ME

Maxwell Lord

how

why

was it his self-obsession about his looks that made you love him?

maybe the way he liked to slam you over furniture to pound into you?

you probably say it bc he pays attention to you and you don’t know what love actually is

he laughs so hard his thrusts into you from behind are jerked and rough

he thanks you for the laugh and keeps fucking you, letting out a little laugh every time he thinks about it

-4,443/10 for being in love with bc are you kidding me have you seen the man

Max Phillips

he’s really charismatic if not incredibly perverse which is why you fall for him

it’s also possible that he um compelled you

or maybe it’s bc he turned you haha who knows

“I love you, sir!”

he totally gets off on the idea of you being in love with him that he cums right there

and then he drinks from you so oh maybe he didn’t turn you!

he does not love you back tho lmao he just likes the power of someone loving him

0/10 for being in love with bc he’s arguably not bottom of the barrel here

Oberyn Martell

everybody loves Oberyn

you’re on top of him with him doing some fancy orgasmic move to your titties

“I love you” you say bc this man can make you orgasm by licking your fucking knee so

there is a chorus of “I LOVE YOU” from all the other people in the room

it’s not really special when he says it back bc you’re not sure if he LOVE loves you or if he’s saying a general “I love my harem of people”

but then he sucks on some part of you and it’s like whatever

you’re fine with whatever bc he he can also make you orgasm from licking your chin

4/10 for being in love with bc the sex is good and he doesn’t treat you cruelly

Pero Tovar

he’s typical of his time so im not gonna fault you for being in love with him

but he also fucks you so hard i am IMPRESSED that you sound intelligible

“I. Love. You.”

robots weren’t a thing so you don’t sound like a robot but if it was modern days yes you would sound like a robot

you’re probably married so he grunts it back

so sweet

probably turns into a breeding kink kind of thing tbh look at him

7/10 for being in love with okay he will make sure you are fed with a roof over your head along with your 12 children

[headspace-hotel]

types of poems I’m angry at!!!!!!!!

what up my sleep schedule is off the shits, I’ve had to workshop about 75 poems in the past few weeks, I’m losing my mind because I have many deadline and few brain, my poetry class is so goddamn time consuming when I have speeches to write, essays to finish, tests to study for, and chapters to not actually read because I haven’t actually done the reading for most of my classes in weeks because I have no goddamn time, AAAAAAAAAAA, anyway

I have really strong opinions!!! here is them

poets should be allowed only one (1) poem about spring throughout their entire lives so they know to use that shit wisely!!

every poem longer than a page is bad ur just smokescreening the fact that you can’t write a single hard hitting line. @ literally everything in the poetry collection I’m reading rn

actually I think every line of a poem past like the 8th line should have to be unlocked like equipment in a video game

no one is allowed to say “beautiful” or “beauty” in a poem again, ever

no one is allowed to say “dream” in a poem again, ever

for every poem you write about a toxic relationship you have to write one about tardigrades because I would really like to read about more fucking tardigrades instead of MORE FUCKING RELATIONSHIPS

no one can use even the most oblique biblical references until they have reached poet level 5 (attained after writing 400 poems, one of these must be about a tardigrade) (yes this includes references to heaven, sin, angels, and god of any kind). all such biblical references should be cited with a specific bible verse and you may NOT reuse verses. also you have to use the weird books of the Bible in the middle like the sex poem one that no one talks about, you have to earn your way up to genesis and exodus and the gospels and the shit everybody knows

every time you are tempted to say the word “something,” or “anything” substitute a specific species of endangered bird

every time you are tempted to say “someone” or “anyone” substitute either darth vader or george washington.

nothing is infinite. it’s either 3 and a half inches or it’s nothing

cut off the last 3 lines of your poem it doesn’t need them

no more poems about depression. come up with some new problems goddamn it. ghost termites. visions of sugarplums dancing in your head. expired cheese. miley cyrus flashing before your eyes when you open the cabinet above the sink. nondescript sludge. your dick is blue raspberry flavored and your new gf doesn’t like blue raspberry and says it’s not even a real type of raspberry anyway. please

poems about small towns HAVE to be a little depressing and weird NO exceptions

extended metaphors are illegal now, punishable by up to 20 years in prison

if you get the urge to write a rhyming poem, sit in your bathtub and eat paper towels off the roll until it goes away

if you want to mention any bodily fluids in your poem you have to donate a vial to science for every mention. oh, you want to compare your tears to something? get ready to cry bitch.

if you want to write a sonnet don’t

your love poems must be proportional in number to your poems about the other basic human emotions: road rage, sluttiness, confusion, bonk your sibling with cardboard tube, feral lust for shredded cheese at 3am, insatiable desire to correct strangers on the internet, and stupid

as a further common-sense regulation, you have to imagine all your love poems as being read to you by an amorous jar jar binks

you MAY write about birds but you MUST commit. if you write a poem about a type of bird you must write at least one poem about all other bird species.

you can reference only the weird obscure fairy tales that were too fucked up for Disney to do anything with. and jack and the beanstalk, that’s also valid.

how to incorporate current events and issues into your poem: dont. smear your body with mud and think about what you’ve done

how to write about your ex: don’t

how to write about any emotion ever: don’t

actually if you’ve ever written words and adjectives and stuff fuck you im small and sleepy and i cant read

[strawberryybird]

i don’t read a lot of coffee shop aus anymore after i spent about a solid fortnight back in 2016 reading them and Only them for literally every pairing i shipped at the time and oversaturated myself to the point of neglecting them 5 years later. anyway i dont know how to write one. also im writing one. musing under the rm: 

this is just more musing on fanfic as a form: h/c is the Big one for this but i find it true of other aus ive seen kicking about: flower/tattoo, coffee shop, uni/collage au which really tends to be 5 aus in a trenchcoat, but they have Specific Story Beats to hit. It’s like the informal cousin of the romance genre, which has set conventions as a form/genre. much like how you expect to find that re-informing couplet at the end of a shakespeare sonnet, there’s a set road i’d expect h/c & ought to travel. my problem now is that i don’t actually know the coffee shop au conventions hhhghfhj. 

it’s been banded about a lot on tumblr that fanfic is a genre of character-driven stories, more concerned with who the plot happens to than the way the plot happens. the unifying thing between all the stories on a page is that it’s just ad nauseum iterations of the same characters. it’s timeless, in a way, that the characters are so far removed from their canon yet still remain part of themselves. the shared understanding that this is simply a slice of the character, transposed into a new place. in mr t.s.fucking eliot’s waste land, there’s that polyphonic current beneath it, those oblique and fucking dense layers of character and voice, all of them different and yet, you the reader are the singular narrator of it. 

there’s thousands upon thousands of iterations of destiel (for example), the unifying thing can be the fact it’s them, it’s the righteous man and the angel, upon thousands of differently lives. or it’s the fans who right them, a polyphonic cacophony themselves, all writing a new way of seeing the same thing. 

when it comes to 3H, with the layers of multiple perspectives funneled through one player/reader/narrator like the fucking waste land.. it makes me pause when i’m writing because i am, above all else, a pretentious little shit. who am i writing, what are they doing in my narrative. do i give them a chance to be more than their war-torn landscape, like some horrible meta version of the fe13 future past kids? or do i accept i just can’t write edelgard without making her massively OOC because i am the personification of the problem with the current fire emblem fandom and i woobify my war criminals. 

still can’t write coffee shop!aus for toffee, though. 

hubert and dorothea flirt at each other through shakespeare, so i have that going for me. 

[kommakina]

my take on what makes literature good (this is just a rant i am so sorry)

before anything i would like to state that i have no degree, no expertise, no nothing. i am literally just a high school student so like take what i say lightly dudes, it’s all just a relative opinion anyways. this is just 1k of my opinions and thoughts ig.

i am going to start this off by saying that the best story i have ever read in my life is a 100,000 word bts fanfic. you can dislike their music, them as people, i don’t care, thats your right and your opinion that you’re entitled to. i’m not trying to change that. but the reason i say that is because, lets be honest here, fanfiction? a lot of the time it’s written by 13 year olds who haven’t learned the difference between you’re and your. no shade to those 13 year olds, though. i’ve been there, and i’m no grammatical saint either, but typically, fanfiction as a whole is a bit looked down upon because of this idealism that it’s all just shitty 1k first-person bullshit. contrary to the societal idea of what fanfiction is (because it is shitty a lot of the time), there’s still that golden story every once and awhile. for me, that golden staple was up we go. 

I feel like they, the author, encompassed a lot of feelings that i, myself, was feeling at the time at which i had read it. it described that feeling of being sad but having nothing to be sad about, that feeling of loneliness in a room full of people, hopelessness in a world full of answers. this 100k bts fanfiction put into words emotions that i didn’t even realize other people could have. it helped me to sit and reflect on my own life a little, think of what could make me happy, what could make me grow and flourish. the writing style in of itself was absolutely spectacular in capturing the essence of the story and these feelings, and even with the disregard of the craftsmanship of  the storyline, its foreshadowing, ect. ect., it’s still a beautiful story. yet even still, i find myself hesitant to tell people about my love and appreciation of this story because i’m scared of what they would think when they found out that i think so highly of a story that societally shouldn’t be good in any means. 

that thought process isn’t at all fair to the creators of these stories (btw here’s the link to up we go, fan of bts or not, i still highly recommend it - https://archiveofourown.org/works/12297168/chapters/27954360 ). they poured their hearts out into the creation of these works, and will never get the recognition they so deserve in the world of literature beyond tumblr posts and twitter threads. 

this is just going to move me on into literally the best page turner i’ve ever read didn’t even fucking have pages. it was a 200k fanfic, once again. the songbird and the sea. best fucking plot line and universe creation since tolkienism. i literally read it at every moment i could, even when i reread it for the tenth time, i still can never put it down. it brings the beauty of life and hardships to life in an exciting way- the kind of exciting thats hard to find in a book. it really was a story that held your hand through it’s pages, despite its coding. (odd place to put it but once again here’s the story, bts fan or not, high recommendation - https://archiveofourown.org/works/10795731/chapters/23946774 )

i haven’t been able to find a single printed book that brings me as much joy and emotion as these books, and i’ve read plenty of classics in my time. and then there were none, the odyssey, pride and prejudice, shakespeare sonnets, edgar allan poe, ect. ect.. i’ve read some of the most popular novels in modern history like twilight, harry potter, the fault in our stars, scythe, all of these books- but none of them have ever brought me as much emotion and happiness as two fanfictions i found on ao3. that kind of thinking kinda leads on into - who decided these books were good? what decided they were the grounding for movie franchieses that make more money in a year than yemen and panama’s national incomes combined? 

really my question here is this, and i highly recommend you sit and recollect on this yourself, please add your own thoughts, id love to hear them, but- 

what makes literature good aside from a societal view?

honorable mentions of fanfiction authors that make me happy-

fruitily on ao3 - https://archiveofourown.org/users/fruitily/pseuds/fruitily

their twitter - https://twitter.com/fruitilys

notyoongs on ao3 - https://archiveofourown.org/users/notyoongs/pseuds/notyoongs

their twitter - https://twitter.com/tododucks

arobeebee on ao3 (has a lot of nsfw stuffies on there but also has more wholesome stuff so yeah take that as you will) - https://archiveofourown.org/users/Arobeebee/pseuds/Arobeebee\

her twitter (is a nsfw twitter im sorry i dont know if she has another one this was all i could find) - https://twitter.com/arobeebee

MENTIONED LINKS:

Oh_Hey_Tae on ao3 (up we go) - https://archiveofourown.org/users/Oh_Hey_Tae/pseuds/Oh_Hey_Tae

their twitter - https://twitter.com/oh_hey_tae

maia_archives on ao3 (the songbird and the sea) - https://archiveofourown.org/users/maia_archives/pseuds/maia_archives

i cant find any of their socials im so sorry lol

[lovebunnie]

fr the poem questions: all of them >: )c

jared... only for you...

the tyger – are you a taker of calculated risks or do you enjoy playing with fire? would you rather ask for permission or forgiveness?

i am a major rule follower, i am not at all adventurous and i like to stay in my comfort zone. my life is a mix of staying true to my comfort zone and doing what I feel is right, first instinct. 

i carry your heart with me – do you believe in fate? what’s your secret to living a good life?

i tend to not believe in fate, it tends to make people not take responsibility for their actions and it leaves a bad taste in my mouth; predestination takes away humility from us. and i wouldnt say that im currently living a good life, its getting there but more often then not i would not describe my days as ‘happy’, more so just another day. but to make a day not outwardly bad, i firmly believe in having a really good breakfast in the morning and taking a shower at night. both of those really make my days better.

i wandered lonely as a cloud – what does nature mean to you? where do you feel most at peace?

nature for me is what comes to us instinctively and what we turn to for comfort in trying times. i feel the most at peace either at summer camp or in my bedroom with my cat :3

blackberrying – what were your early years like? do you miss being a child?

my early years were very happy, i was a very happy and funloving child. it was a time where i wasnt told about any of my family drama so i lived in blissful ignorance. i definitely miss being a child, all the way up to about 7th grade. its just been downhill from 8th grade and on.

ode to a nightingale – how do you feel about your own mortality? do you believe in life after death?

my mortality is something of a burden i carry with me everyday, a reminder that every minute is precious and this is the only life i get, i have one shot to not fuck it up. i dont believe in the afterlife, the concept of death is something that if i think too hard about then itll fuck me up.

hope is the thing with feathers – what gives you hope? what would you tell your 10-year-old self?

hope comes from those news stories about good news, like charity donation goals being hit and remembered anniversaries and flower bouquets in public, there is good in the world and sometimes its hard to find but its always there. to my 10 year old self, i would tell her to not hold too tightly to those around you, and that life constantly changes so dont get too attached or comfortable because itll prevent you from growing in the future.

the road not taken – do you find it hard to make decisions? what regrets do you have?

its really hard to make decisions because i always assume that my ideas are wrong or bad so if someone else takes the lead, i cant be blamed. as far as regrets, i wish that in my past, i just put myself out there more. i couldve spent highschool actively seeking for possibilities instead of sulking and wishing they came to me. they dont ever, you have to find them.

still i rise – what's your relationship with yourself like? what are your best qualities?

i have a bad relationship to myself; if i admire one trait about myself, the other traits must be less than. for example, if i think i look nice one day, then i remember abt my grades or my writing and how much i hate both of those. i can never be fully at peace, it will never be enough to sate my psyche. my ‘best’ qualities depend on the day, right now i think i have nice eyelashes.

howl – can you express yourself freely? do you feel smothered by societal norms?

i struggle everyday to be my genuine self. its not so much societal norms but my own mind; i want to look nice but i dont want to attract too much attention. i want to be remembered but not for how good my ass looks or whatever. my biggest fear is that people see me as something desirable but only sexually so i want to dress how i feel but i cant because im terrified of the gaze of men on my campus.

the raven – are you in touch with your feelings? how would you describe the relationship between emotions & rationality?

im extremely in touch with my feelings. i can acknowledge when i am angry or sad or happy, even if i dont know why. i allow myself to feel my feelings and then let them pass, i hate bottling those things up. between emotions and rationality, i use my emotions 9 times out of 10. i ask myself, ‘what do i want?’ and the first thing i come up with, i know is what i truly want to do. 

sonnet 116 – how do you define love? what qualities do you look for in a significant other?

i think love is everything; its the warmth of hanging out with familiar people, its when people remember facts about you, its a meaningful hug and its ‘this reminded me of you’. its different for everyone but i feel love in everything i do. in a significant other, the biggest thing is being able to make me laugh, if youre funny than im sold.

to autumn – what's your favorite season and why? what cherished memories do you associate with that season?

my favorite season is winter because it has lots of holiday warmth, good food, pleasant childhood memories, and comfortable clothing. also i love snow. i have very vivid memories of a blizzard in maryland when i was 11(?) years old, my neighbor tied a sled to the back of his ATV and dragged us around the cul de sac, it was so much fun!!

the waste land – do you like big cities? if you could choose any place on earth, where would you settle down?

i love big cities, they evoke so many feelings of love and the atmosphere being surrounded by people makes me so happy! if i could live anywhere, i think it would be san francisco, i love the city and the weather and the public transportation!!

o captain! my captain! – what are your aspirations in life? what motivates you?

in life, i want to give a tedtalk. i would also love to publish a book but i dont like what i write so if i ever did, id end up hating the book anyway in a year or so. i want to teach people the joy of public speaking and i want to give kids the joys i had given to me by my teacher when i was their age. my motivation comes from, this has to be done and if no one else will do it, it might as well be me. i have the passion and everything else will follow after that.

she walks in beauty – what's your aesthetic? how would you describe the relationship between inner goodness & outer beauty?

id describe my aesthetic as lovecore, i love the color pink and red and hearts and flowers and teddy bears and dresses and sparkles and valentines day and i love everything stereotypically ‘cute’. and i feel there is no outer beauty without inner goodness, if someone has bad intentions or a rotten core, their outward appearance will reflect.

one art – how do you deal with loss? do you write diary entries, poetry or prose?

thankfully i have not had to go through tremendous loss in my life but when i feel an emotional loss or general low point, i tend to move towards art, aimless doodling to take my mind off of situations. it centers me.

work, sometimes – how does your favorite weather make you feel? what is happiness to you?

my favorite weather makes me feel SO happy, all smiley and giddy and like things are going to be okay, just for one day, i will make this a good one. happiness to me is comfort and joy, its something that makes you laugh until your sides hurt and its art that you look at and feel. happiness isnt a huge moment, its little moments scattered throughout the days.

acquainted with the night – do you think there's such thing as the right time? what’s your outlook on the world?

no, i dont like to set things off for the thought of there being a right and wrong time. time isnt real and we only have so long on earth so there is no time but the present. go get that tattoo, ask them out, eat that snack. my outlook on the world is that there is a lot of bad shit but there is also a lot of good shit you will never see but it important nonetheless. you cant change the world in a day so you might as well take it one day at a time, working everyday to make it as good as possible.

if – do you daydream a lot? are you volatile, or do you stay calm when conflicts arise?

i love to day dream, it helps me determine what i really want and its a lovely distraction when the goings get tough. i try to avoid conflicts in every situation possible but if i were pushed, id either accept my mistake and apologize and work towards a better future; or i would tell the other person how im feeling and what i can do to help them feel better.

what would i give? – do you cry often? if you could change anything about your past, what would it be?

things make me sad but rarely enough to cry, things more so tend to weigh me down then break me. i let the sadness take me however it sees fit. and if thats to cry, so be it. if i could change anything about my past, i would just say that you will only get this chance to start over in a new state once, the years will go by quick so to TAKE OPPORTUNITIES WHEN THEY SHOW THEM SELF TO YOU!!!!!!