#i already started over once during this
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"Let's Dance"
(Loop the video for the intended experience.)
Even though I actually forgot that the 1st was Mayday's birthday, I got the sudden urge to draw something like this. It's a little belated, but let's call this birthday art anyway~
As frustrating as it is, I booted up AnimeEffects for this one to get a little bounce on 'em. It's a little scuffed, but I'm kinda tired of banging my head against a wall trying to make it better~
#gbunny draws#nsr#no straight roads#mayday#tatiana#kliff#flame trio#so yeah. this is why i wanted to update their group name.#i didn't get anything better than 'two and a half lesbians'#but i can't seriously tag them like that#ya know...#i was pretty proud of myself that for the most part#i went through the trouble of making sure the sprite flips would be edited for asymmetric details#but i just noticed i forgot to flip mayday's bangs#but for me to fix it and reanimate it i would need to animate it from scratch again#and i'm not doing that.#i already started over once during this#because i forgot that anime effects can't actually flip images#so i had to add a duplicate folder of everything flipped#just to get this work the way i wanted
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im a child of divorce
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#the bit is over when i say its over and even when its so joever for these two its not over for me!!! (once again i am on heavy copium)#anyway. thoughts behind the spoiler tags#gempearl#shiny duo#wild life smp#life series spoilers#wild life spoilers#i feel like. i actually was expecting that#no but its so funny the one time the negative consequences of something does actually get acknowledged its the SL finale ‘betrayal’/j#like cmon fuck me i guess/j (BIG EMPHASIS. ON THE SLASH J. OKAY.)#but honestly though i did expect Gem to hold a grudge over the 2v1 in SL. and. its good that there are consequences???#it IS a ‘betrayal’ in Gem’s eyes. they were friends. they were murder besties for the last two sessions and then Pearl chose Scar over her#and its awesome man. [through gritted teeth] this is awesome man this will be good for character development ok ok ok. ok?#its also got something to do with Pearl having the red creep in. i think#because during SL Gem was like. nearly idolising the Scarlet Pearl persona while vaguely aware that her own reputation has a similar effect#and yknow. the horrors. the fact that their image is so heavily built on what others deem them to be and they can only play into it#but by the end of SL Gem gets ‘betrayed’ by this persona that she looked up to#and also her own ‘GeminiSlay’ intimidating image is also starting to fall apart. partly of her own will#and now shes watching Pearl slowly turn red again. and this time she knows its not good for her or Pearl#so shes distancing herself from it. shes ‘trying to fix her reputation’. she sees Pearl falling into it again and just. no. i dont love you#you betrayed me last season#but on Pearl’s end of things she’s already deep into the idea that as long as you say you ‘forgive’ someone then everything thats happened#in the past doesn’t matter and they can all be friends. and nooo absolutely no grudges will be held. no emotional repression here#so. because thats happened to her in her own team she thinks the same can happen with her and Gem#and thats so. im going to blow myself up now
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h-how do you ever finish any of your work? genuine question because you seem to be productive despite your agreste syndrome and I need to learn your ways. but also how do you ever finish any of your work
unclear. last night i stayed up and finished a report worth 25% of my grade at about 5am, arrived on time for my 9am lecture, and spent about half of it zoned out while thinking about seventeen year old emilie agreste. and i was one of the most active participants in the class discussion
#in some ways it IS the move to go to grad school right out of undergrad#because your body can still sort of operate like a college kid#i’m on about 3ish hours of sleep rn and this morning it felt SO over but now i’ve eaten something and we’re so back#i also don’t really do caffeine. except sometimes i’ll go get one of those panera death lemonades#i might be able to snag a short nap before work#but anyway about seventeen year old emilie. i was thinking abt how she was in that movie solitude and adrien said she was seventeen#WAIT. NO. HE SAID SHE WAS SEVENTEEN IN THAT PHOTO ON HIS DESKTOP NOT IN THE MOVIE#well. okay whatever i’m gonna tell you what i was thinking about anyway#OKAY i’m back i just checked the wikipedia page and then i watched the end of gorizilla. to make sure i’m not lying. because i’m normal.#anyway i was thinking about the solitude film and how it’s super rare and old and obscure and whatever. and how apparently#emilie wrote it herself and andre produced it#and i’m thinking about how gabe was discovered by audrey and that’s how he got his start in the fashion industry#so now i’m like?? did gabe and emilie first meet on the set of solitude? because gabe was designing costumes or whatever?#and that’s how audrey found him? have people already thought about this??#also i just checked and it doesn’t say emilie’s last name in the credits and also it’s ‘graham films’ with the twin rings logo m#so i’m assuming she’s still emilie graham de vanily at that point#anyway it comes back to seventeen year old emilie because i started imagining seventeen year old runaway emilie having her new life in pari#after escaping her british nobility life#and the first thing she does is write and star in an original movie. of course.#and she meets this repressed bisexual punk upstart costume designer who is so the opposite of everyone she’s ever known#and he’s immediately so unhealthily obsessed with her. which she appreciates.#and then they proceed to have the most toxic doomed evil relationship of all time#also she gets cheated because once gabe gets money he represses himself SO hard that he is now exactly like all the people emilie grew up w#but at least he’s still obsessed with her#this is what i was thinking about during class today. i don’t know how i get anything done either.#ml#anna rambles#asks
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i'll be like "i'm a god of writing" and then an hour passes after i post or submit something and i'll be like "i'm so dumb there's so much i could've done better if only i'd waited a bit and looked at it with fresh eyes i would've noticed how much it sucks & what i could've improved that looks so much like first draft material there's so many revisions i could make why i am i so impulsive and overconfident" and then i'll start writing something else and be like "i'm a god of writing" again
#the woes of having both a superiority and inferiority complex#also i think this might be similar to how i only get performance anxiety AFTER the performance is done. i'm always like this#i'll be super chill before a play & during it but then the play ends and i'm like “fuck they must've hated my acting” or whatever#or i'll be super chill while singing but then it ends and i go “man i sung way too quietly & i think i was out of pitch i suck”#and once again as soon as i go back to doing it again i go “wow im super great at this im amazing”#on related news i applied to a zine with 2 out of 3 snippets being ones i started writing as soon as i decided i was actually gonna apply#& i decided i wanted to apply 5hrs before i sent the application#so uh. i wrote ~2.7k words within 5 hrs & didnt give myself time to edit it bc im a dumbass w/ no concept of time#(“the applications close jan 2nd so i need to get this done asap” dude there's like a week til then why the rush- oh youve already sent it)#tbf they're more like 2nd drafts? one is a scene i'd kind of written b4 but w/ the intent of no one seeing it so i completely rewrote it#& the other is a very VERY loose eng translation of like the first quarter of one of my one-shots. when u compare its more of a rewrite rly#but still i'm looking at them now & im getting 2nd thoughts i shouldve waited eughhh#if you're a mod of that zine pls look away hahahaha.....#unless you liked those last 2 snippets & r impressed with the fact they were rushed. if so then yea im a god of writing ik ik#but to be fr tho i actually think snippet 2 is pretty strong but i think the 3rd one is... very weak. there's not much cohesion#like i def could've added more connective tissue. i was just a bit over half the wc limit so that was def smth i couldve done. ugh
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cant believe that after driving the car, riding the train, booking a hotel room, having a nightmare, visiting the father in law, visiting a hospital, making a friend, and escaping an assassin, the incomprehensible Horrors™ are back at it again and harder to bear than ever 🐻
#fandom related#malevolent#i feel just like arthur that after having some Normal Time and time w friends and family the Horrors are even more horrifying than before#also How is this man driving. w zero eyes and one arm and one leg. i imagine John is like#slow down arthur! hit the gas arthur! while steering. and arthur is shifting the gear. except that john has no experience in driving#so it would be like someone during their first ever driving lesson. creeping along slowly. being way too slow or way too fast for a given#situation. cops would stop them bc arthur isn't even looking at the road. he is bumping into so many other cars or the curb.#parking like shit. does john even know what the road signs mean 😭 and oscar got into the car w him#maybe he was too busy reading that book to notice. or too enchanted by arthu#*Arthur#if arthur had a white cane he would constantly lose it while falling down holes or trip over it running from the horrors#i think it's been mentioned only 3 times that he can't see. to those cops on the lake to daniel and the butcher has mentioned it#honestly king shit running around blind and w only one arm and leg w the voice of an ancient god in his voice. also they are fucking driving#*in his head#why can't you edit tags on mobile!!? or do i have to update tumbler for that#anyway ever since starting malevolent ive been realizing i should be more grateful for my eyesight. my eyesight is already bad and i need to#wear glasses 24/7. also i have a diagnosis that has a kinda probability of making me blind once im old or smth#i mean eyesight decreases for everyone as they get older right. but yeah. and i v likely won't have the voice of an older god in my head to#help me see. so gotta be grateful now#i should go to bed it's almost midnight but i have to listen to the next episode i need to know what's going on and what will happen 😭#still hoping nothing further will happen to oscar and that he and arthur will stay friends. if you're reading this and you know this won't#be the case. nnnnggh :')
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Hatefucking as a result of a physical fight between two characters who got sick of trying to argue their point/broke composure bc someone just HAD to hit a rlly sore point only for them to switch shit up halfway bc one/both of them got turned on by the altercation partway through and the other IMMEDIATELY saw it as a way to get a leg up on the other person so eagerly went along with it >>>
#✮┆ ( .ooc. );#//‘Wow that’s a Very Specific Dynamic; Red!’ I know it is; shut up ndbfb#//But also I am staring at drafts as I wait for work to end aaa (I have like 4 or so hours til I’m free bdbf)#//This makes brain go brr#suggestive#//Both completely into and absolutely Feral abt it#//Or maybe some dubcon here&there; since the other’s comfort/safety might not Matter as much as it would had they been PARTNERS#//Esp if they wanna leave a REMINDER of this; for them to keep thinking of them; as a warning for the next time#//That the other will totally disregard and prolly demand more of bc they sure as hell AINT gonna behave over smth like THAT#//I love the idea of both of them getting used to this and fighting; sometimes in succession or even at once#//Even seeing it as fun; or choosing to start provoking each other in ways to straightaway initiate#//And then the inevitable crisis of getting unintentionally attached at some point during bc the shift in relationship Sparked smth#//Or maybe it was already THERE and the intimate moments they spent together/afterwards helped bring it all to a head#//NOT TO MENTION THE POTENTIAL POSSESIVENESS THAT CAN OCCUR#//Anywho pls save me jfnf#//I have had one too many open to close shifts in succession jdbfb#//I am sleeby#//But also want to WRITE#//I think I might have had smth like this in the old blog? I’d have to check other muse’s blog jdbfb
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me having gone to bed at 6 am every day for the past week and generally spiraling mentally while rotting in bed waking up this morning: a 4 mile hike in the heat is a really good idea right now, and while we're at it let's start like 3 art projects
#maybe my mom was onto something all these years telling me i'm bipolar#no i don't think i am but i do technically have a bpd diagnosis so like. mood swings up the fucking wazoo are not new#but i am not one to be like 'exercise will fix me'#i've also just come to terms recently with the fact that i didn't kill myself already so might as well start thinking of the long term#so not being in constant pain when im older is something im actually thinking of now#so like. gotta move more which i was doing during this semester! walking like 3 miles a day which didn't help brain but#it's gotta be good for you anyway even if i don't get the endorphins everyone says you get when working out#that's neverrrr been me bc also chronic illness w exercise intolerance#so it's like. wah i have a desire to move my body more and know it's beneficial#but chronic illness + mental illness + trying not to think about exercise in terms of weight loss bc i'm trying not to make that the goal#although certainly wouldn't be mad if that was the result but if i prioritize it over just overall health it's gonna make me obsessive#i'm saying a lot of words. i have no one to really talk to so i once again come to tumblr as a public diary#ANYWAY. trying to find balance with wanting to exercise for overall well-being but dealing with other factors like chronic illness#which has actually been under the most control it's been in years i barely even consider myself (physicslly) disabled these days#and also balancing the fact that while my disordered eating has never recovered and i still have extremely bad relationship with myself#im in a relatively better place with that. i'm not starving myself and im not going through binge/purge cycles#but my relationship with food and eating is still very much unhealthy#and i don't think that will ever really change bc it's so ingrained in the everything about me#i don't really know what i'm talking ahout anymore or what prompted this#i can't simply just say 'i'm gonna go for a hike today' and be normal about. always gotta psycho analyze myself#im in a very weird stage in my life where i feel like i have control over nothing and i barely even exist in my own body#im just like a cacophony of voices trapped inside a meat suit but im not in the drivers seat im stuffed in the trunk and tied up#and the guy driving is an old blind mind who should have lost his license his ass is NOT road safe!#so it's like i have all these ideas and desires and feelings and ahh!! but hey i'm locked up here let me out please#and also the state of the world. so bleak and hopeless and paralyzing that i've just kind of shut my feelings off so i'm rapidly switching#between numbness and overwhelming agony#what the fuck am i talking about
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i have had maybe one of top three worst weeks of this whole year and i got through it and i am so proud of myself :)
#like first of all: scummy landlord doing scummy landlord things#then my roommate gets ringworm and we all end up getting it#i got it all over my face which was HELL.#(right at the corner of my eye too!!)#then i find out a mouse was in my room with me for almost a week#so while dealing with ringworm i have to try and catch a mouse while im sleeping in my roommates room#then i had to make food for a thanksgiving potluck my friend was hosting#and then couldnt even go bc i was so u comfy from the ringworm :(#on top of all this!! i just got promoted at work#and i work in a restaurant. and its sports + thanksgiving season#and a promotion means a harder (but much better paying!) position#so i was working my ass off during a busy season !!#and we caught the mouse + released it#and im a massive germaphobe and i had to deep clean my WHOLE room and sanitize and clear out EVERYTHING#after already having an awful and stressful and restless week#and now. i am sitting in my bed again. in my room that smells like chemical cleaner but not mouse anymore. most of my ringworm is gone#i still have some stuff to clean and sanitize#so its not over yet#but the worst part is#and i am very proud of myself for making it through it :)#vent post#tw infection#tw mice#omg and i forgot!#my car almost broke down two weeks ago so i had to take it to a mechanic while i was dealing with all of this#and at the start of the hell week i thought it was going to die and i would have to try and find a new one#luckily it ended up fine! but it was extra stress i did not need#like all at once too#grahh
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Bleh
#thinking about shit#getting really tired and stressed with everything going on#and I'm seriously starting to wonder if this is my next breaking point#and if I'm going to be forever worse bc I kept pushing myself with my me/cfs#that's the fucking scary thing about it; not knowing if I'm doing to accidentally do something wrong and make myself permanently worse#and I don't know how to explain these fears other than fucking terrifying#to literally be entirely unaware of the true limitations of your body and not knowing if you're going to make yourself worse by accident#I cannot wait for the move to be over#once we have a legal address together I can get on my husbands insurance and beg him to quit#I am incapable of working a traditional job as it is but I'm forced to because I have no other options#so I'm already pushing myself on a regular basis#and I fear every flare up is just going to be my new normal#and what if it is just a flare up? I have to keep working I have to do my job I have to do chores I have to pack#will working myself this hard during the flare up lead to something worse?#I can't do this anymore I just fucking can't#I can't stand not knowing if this past year is going to permanently incapacitate me#I'm already reliant on my husband for everything short of carrying me to the bathroom and wiping my ass for me#I hate not being independent and I hate the idea that I might be stuck in this much pain and this much fatigue for the rest of my f'in life
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Okay, I'm a bit confused by this.
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Batman and Robin has two issues coming out in January, a regular one and an annual. Neither one has Čižmešija listed as the artist for the interior pages.
Plus it sounds like Batman and Robin #5 will simply be the conclusion of the first arc, not the start of a new two-parter story.
So...did they mean they are drawing for Batman and Robin starting in February with #6? That sounds more plausible to me.
#I think I remember Williamson talking about the first arc as if it would only be four issues a few months ago#But maybe they extended it to five so the next arc would start once the mindbomb arc in Batman is over#Since with where Bruce is right now Damian can't be with him#And the first arc of B&R already said it takes place during Gotham War#So saying that the next arc also somehow takes place before Bruce abandoned Damian could be a hard sell
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Me vs FF14 part... 2?
It's taken me pretty much three full days of running from cutscene to cutscene. But I've finally reached Heavensward.
And like... on some level? I'm kind of offended?
Like, a part of me genuinely wants to replay the entire game from the start "as something else" (different main-class, different race, different starting-area, whichever), because the dungeon-queuing system is actually really fun when you start to Understand it.
As in, FF14 has somehow made an MMO that has almost eliminated the feeling that it is a level-grind? Partially? It's turned the whole thing into a surprisingly comfortable level of (limited, but genuine) social interaction.
To the point where even someone who isn't obsessively grind-focused like me, can genuinely enjoy themselves. Just queuing up for dungeons, Hunting some bounties, and-...
And then FF14 has so many fucking quests that it literally chokes the life out of the gameplay.
As an example, one of their biggest dungeon-draws (bcs high rewards) is a quest that almost everyone hates playing. Because doing that dungeon means watching literally eighteen minutes of unskippable cutscenes.
And that's with them having reduced the amount of cutscenes in that dungeon, because the players complained so much about them.
Like... I'd be perfectly happy replaying the game from the start with a different character, even knowing that leveling isn't some kind of pain-free thing. But the thought of having to restart the fucking Main-Quest? Of having to spend literal days just running back-and-forth to cutscenes?
I'm currently feeling a bit burned-out as a result of the binge I went on to get here, but I'm pretty damn sure that I wouldn't replay this fucking thing even if you paid me for it.
(And, of course, Heavensward also has a Main-Quest continuation that you have to follow. And now I'm not even allowed to fly everywhere to cut down on the "running back-and-forth"-part of my complaints. Not until they arbitrarily allow me to discover flight for the new areas, by going through even more of the Main-Quest.)
(Not to mention that now I have to go back and do even more Class-quests, with their own cutscenes, in order to unlock a bunch of skills.)
(I'm very fond of the "the church is evil because it doesn't let you fuck dragons"-meme, and I'm very much seeing it. But like... come the fuck on. Why is this MMO a feature-length movie-series? Why can't I just play the game and have fun?)
#and yes. i'm very much aware that ''you can do anything with one character''#bcs everyone gets one (1) race-changing potion. and classes can be switched out super-easily. but that's not the point.#video games#ff14#rants#personal stuff#also like... i'm unemployed and waiting for my classes to begin a few weeks from now. i have INFINITE free-time.#and i still feel like ff14 is actively trying to waste my time by ''telling a story'' that should be in a single-player game.#... actually. that'd explain a lot. did the writers of this game learn to write from single-player games?#is that why there are so many cutscenes and minor characters to constantly juggle? did nobody tell them that they were making an MMO?#(the feeling of going ''all-in'' on the genuineness in the cutscenes even when it's corny as shit? good.)#(being forced to sit through cutscene after cutscene instead of actually playing the game? bad.)#like... even just the dungeon-cutscenes? to some degree it's expected that you SHOULD skip them? bcs you're making others wait?#(and during the Raids. that means outright being left behind. ain't nobody stopping for anyone.)#so you're losing a massive bit of story-telling. bcs it's trying to tell that story in the WORST place.#it's a good story? i guess? but it's so fucking inconvenient to _play the game around_ that it feels more like a chore than an adventure.#and in a single-person game? i think it'd be great. maybe not entirely my kettle of fish. but genuinely good. but as an MMO?#like i get that a lot of it has been added onto it over the span of YEARS and that ppl playing it since launch would've been desperate#for new content. despite how the amount of content seems incredibly overwhelming for new players.#but jesus fuck. at least let people wanting to start a new character to just... skip the fucking thing? they've already seen it once.#* nevermind. they thought of that. they're selling ''story-skip''-potions for 10$. wow. just... wow.
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the more i learn about the american revolution the more hamilton: the musical infuriates me
(read tags for context pls i go off on a mega tangent)
#no offense to lmm at ALL i know that he had to keep the musical entertaining and that it wasnt meant to be a complete biography but GOOD GOD#wh-why is stay alive (set the winter of valley forge to a bit after the battle of monmouth) like 6 SONGS AFTER “a winter's ball” LIKE-#THAT SONG TAKES PLACE IN 1980 WHILE THE EVENTS IN “stay alive” TAKE PLACE IN 17781?1??11??!?2?+?1#ALEX AND ELIZA HAD ONLY LIKE VERY BRIEFLY MET LIKE ONCE BEFORE IF I REMEMBER CORRECTLY#AND AND AND#THAT WOULD BE ENOUGH TAKING PLACE RIGHT AFTER THE LAURENS LEE DUEL AND MEET HIM INSIDE?? WHAT????#DONT EVEN GET ME STARTED ON THE PLACEMENT OF MEET ME INSIDE#HAMILTON DIDN'T EVEN LEAVE HIS POST AS AIDE-DE-CAMP TIL LIKE EARLY 1781???? YEARS AFTER THE DUEL???? WHILE HE WAS ALREADY WED TO ELIZA????#AND WASHINGTON DIDNT EVEN KICK HIM OUT BC OF THE DUEL LIKE???#ALSO THIS IS KIND OF MINOR BUT#SAYING THAT LAURENS WAS IN SC DURING THE BATTLE OF YORKTOWN WHEN IN REALITY HE WAS IN THE BATTLE LITERALLY *WITH* ALEXANDER JUST FISKDNQMDNA#also i stand by the fact that “satisfied” should've 100% been sung by laurens instead of angelica#as far as i'm aware there is a lot more evidence to suggest laurens and hamilton being a thing than angelica and alex being a thing lmao#ALSO#wher the fuck were meade tilghman harrison reed mchenry and fitzgerald???? (idk if there were more aides i forget lmao)#and why include hercules mulligan in the main war group when LAFAYETTE AND LAURENS LITERALLY NEVER MET HIM???#WHY NOT REPLACE HIM WITH ONE OF THE OTHER AIDE-DE-CAMPS I PREVIOUSLY MENTIONED????#I AM AT A LOSS FOR WORDS LIN WHY WOULD YOU DO THIS TO ME#lin buddy i love you and the musical *LITERALLY* saved my life but#good god man the inaccuracies in the 1st act give me fucking heart burn....got me prematurely balding over here jfc#amrev#amrev fandom#i guess?#alexander hamilton#hamilton the musical#john laurens#lams#these tags are an entire seperate post jfc#lin manuel miranda#shit i accidentally said 1980 instead of 1780 pls ignore i typed fast and angrily
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🌹:O
:3c
Lucifer doesn't care how the labcoats say it works; he knows there's no such thing as a clean break from a drift the minute the plug is pulled. Instead, Michael goes from a second consciousness beside his own to being dragged out of Lucifer the further Lucifer gets from him, both of them gripping tight to the connection until it slips, until it snaps, with a violent recoil that knocks Lucifer's brain out of alignment and reminds his legs that they don't work. His next step falls too fast, too heavily, and refuses to take his weight. It's only Michael, now only a voice outside of Lucifer's head yelling his name, catching him from behind that allows Lucifer to collapse to the floor with his dignity intact.
#is this more than one sentence? yes. yes it is. because tumblr deleted this post once and pissed me off.#i had so many tags about lucifer already and boom. gone.#anyway. tfw you see your boyfriend get severely injured during a battle and this makes you panic so bad you manage to make it a few meters#which is a lot for a guy who can't actually walk.#lucifer's got a whole Situation. turns out plugging a guy's brain up to a giant robot is not without its bugs.#especially when said guy was one of the first to be stuck inside the giant robot with his brother. and testing was a lower priority due to#everyone wanting a faster solution to the Giant Fucking Monsters. so lucifer's brain got overloaded and can't send signals to his legs#anymore to move right unless he's hooked up to a mech. technically when this first happened the doctor told him 'well if you stop doing mec#shit you can walk again.' but 1) he's not doing that. and 2) that was years ago. just because that recommendation is still on a file#somewhere doesn't mean it would actually work for him. or even that it would have back then. it's still the official answer for 'fixing' hi#because that's better optics than the truth. which is that he can't walk.*#(technically. technically. if he was left disconnected from the mech for a week he could walk. it would also be exhausting. and painful.#and slow. this is not something lucifer considers to be helpful information when he moves faster and with more ease in his chair.#this is something other people like to point out about him that makes him want to start hitting them. and it's not even really true anymore#the 'a week disconnected' thing. again. was a long time ago. it would take over a month for him to stand nowadays.)#(v few people Get all of this but like. michael is one of them. he's in lucifer's head enough that it would be weirder for him not to get i#add to that him being one of the few people who has seen lucifer walk nowadays and focused more on 'hey he looks like he hates that'#than praising it. and he gets it. and is also the requisite amount of annoyed when lucifer *runs off* before michael can help him into his#chair!! not the first time this has happened and will not be the last. michael's used to catching him.)#ask#oh my god that was so much rambling. this isnt even the point of the fic btw. this is just. backstory. worldbuilding.
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actually should be illegal that i have to go to work and mark during the winter. i should only have to read fanfic, consume excessive amounts of coffee, complete crochet projects, and stare longingly at the sunset.
#can you tell i read a REALLY GOOD fanfic this morning and it's ruined my brain for anything else for the rest of the day#i want to reread the whole thing again immediately#yes it is once more a 'salmon complains about marking' post#you should all be proud of me tho i think it's the first time i've done it since the academic year started!#i grow! i can learn!#(new workplace is... much better for work-life balance bc my timetable is noticeably lighter and we are below our 1265 directed hours max)#(and holy shit can i *feel* that difference)#(which means more marking can get during work hours#as it should and less sunday evening grumpy marking)#anyway i have managed to do three whole sets of marking *not* in a rush this year already i couldn't do all of them this way don't be absur#ok my break from adding up numbers is over gotta go back to it#thanks for listening to me complain gay people in my phone#text post#my post
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#you know. back in early or mid-january i was thinking i was finally getting my blood sugar under control#after a year of literal blood sweat and tears i was almost there!!!#and then my insurance and my endo’s incompetence happened#and they wouldn’t give me my insulin or my one non-insulin medication#and my blood sugar was worse than it was when i was in the fucking HOSPITAL over it#but i thought we got past that#in february they finally refilled both of those meds (after i’d run out)#and i thought ok. this still sucks but i can start getting back on track now.#except. now my insurance has once again decided NOT to give me my non-insulin medication#(which i am out of again and nearly a week overdo for a dose)#overdue*#and they are not only saying that they have zero records of ever giving me this medicine that i’ve been on since last year#(which. how tf have i been getting it then?????????)#but that they wouldn’t let me have it anyway bc i’ve only tried one cheaper med instead of three#which is a rule no one ever fucking told me about!!!!!!!#and with the way these meds work it would likely take two months MINIMUM to prove that two of them don’t work#and then another three months to get back to the dose i need of the medication i’ve already been on#which is a minimum of FIVE WASTED MONTHS#during which my blood sugar will likely stay bad and the other meds will give me who knows what unbearable side effects#and none of the meds they want me to try even do the one thing i chose my current medication for!!!!!!#and even after i get back to my dose of my medication it will still take a month or two at best to get my sugar numbers#back to where they were in january#which means this whole mess could reach into september or october#and increase the whole diagnosis-to-control timeline to nearly 2 years instead of just 1#if not even later#i want this whole system burned to the ground i am so unbelievably done#personal
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As an ex-sixth grader, he is correct
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#sixth yrade was wild#people fought in the halls and the teachers who tried to stop them couldnt#i got strangled once#a friend convinced me to engage in what was probably a kink in the middle of PE#a girl brough alcohol and sprayed it in a kid's eyes and was drunk already all in first period#my most normal friend helped me skip a class and i hid in the bathroom and she started asking how that was 💀#me and my friends competitively played the knife game so often i had to bring bandsids to school#me and a friend sat right in front of the teacher and still got to play fight mid-clsss#we only got even warned when it got to the point of dragging eachother under the desk#on the last day of school during pe there were pennies all over the gym and nobody knew where they came from#including the pe teachers#who were in there the previous period#meaning that someone came in and threw pennies everywhere inbetween periods without getting caught#after i left a girl started a rumor i called someone daddy#the ride over was like 15-30 minutes and the bus ride was like an hour an a half despite stopping at one single location#once i saw lighting appear to strike directly in front of the bus#it didnt but it looked like it did#the building was like visibly old and probably only had just eniugh care to not crumble/get an infestation#my mom had to bring me something once during first period and could hesr our class from like the other side of the hall#kids like threw stuff and played on their phones and got into fights etc durijg first period#the teacher did not care#meanwhile 6th period would yell if you breathe too loud#me and my best friend snuck our phones and a tube of candy to an assembly and didnt get caught despite a teacher standing right behind us#the special ed couldnt handle a 7 student class despite them all being pleasant and obedient when not distracted by something#it was kinda fun though#minus getting strangled#that sucked#still prefer it over my back being touched#(i genuinely couldnt breathe though 💀 it wasnt even like hardly breathing no i could not inhale nor exhale until she let me go)#(she thought it was funny apparently but she did let me go so uhbthats giood)
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