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pompadorbz · 2 years ago

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you obivously like taka but what do your think of ishda both as a concept and in the story proper

Ok prepare yourselves for this one, because I need to go on a full-scale rant and analysis over this actually. I think that Ishida is perhaps one of the most WASTED concepts I have EVER seen in my life. There are so many directions he could've gone in as a character and the writers decided that the best option was for him to just stop at a screeching halt before he ever got even a MOMENT to gain momentum. It's a decision that both angers and fascinates me, because not only is it shrugging off an entire character for practically no good reason, but ALSO, there's even some table scraps of evidence pointing to the possibility that he was meant to have even just a LITTLE more to his character. For starters, he not only has unused gift dialogue for when you give him a present before a free-time event, but an entire (albeit INCREDIBLY short) event.

Meaning that at some point, there was likely going to be more of an attempt to flesh him out that they just didn't end up going through with. Another thing that will forever fuck with me, is. Why does this splash art exist?

Like it's cool. It's raw as hell. But what reason does it exist? Like really think about it for a moment here. Ishida as a character doesn't have much more than. I'd say about 1-2 hours of screen time. And this isn't a Syo kind of situation, either. Syo appears fairly early on and then CONTINUES to front on multiple occasions. No offense to my guy Ishida but he literally eats dirt and then dies. SO WHY DOES HE HAVE AN ENTIRE PIECE OF SPLASH ART?? AND WHY IS HE WEILDING MONDO'S PICKAXE? AN ITEM THAT HE NEVER RECIEVES (and if I recall correctly, you only ever see in the chapters FOLLOWING his death)??? Why go through all the effort for a character that is around for only a tiny portion of the game if there weren't MORE PLANS for him initially? And like. No matter how you choose to look at Ishida's existence there is always SOMETHING that just doesn't add up or is never explained. Is he possessed? Or is this just a really poor coping mechanism? If its the latter, then why does his hair turn white? Why do his eyes light on fire? If it's the former, then why is the fact that A GUY GOT POSSESSED BY A REAL ACTUAL GHOST NEVER EXPLAINED, NOR EXPLORED??? Really, the only thing Ishida is used for is just a quick fix to nearly everything left unaddressed in chapter two's climax. A band-aid over a bullet wound. SO IM GONNA PERFORM FUCKING SURGERY RIGHT BEFORE YOUR EYES. CHECK THIS SHIT OUT. I'M GONNA WRITE A BETTER ISHIDA, AND BY PROXY, A BETTER CONCLUSION TO KIYOTAKA RIGHT HERE RIGHT NOW (spoilers: I literally cannot think of a SINGLE way for him to die that doesn't work to the detriment of any other character. I am a firm believer that for his character to even WORK to a well written degree without using other characters as fodder, he needs to end up in the survivor roster)!!! This isn't gonna be like. INCREDIBLY detailed, um. I'd love to write this in full form someday but for now I'm gonna just do a sort of synopsis. BUT FIRST!! I need to talk about Kiyotaka as a character and the silly, funny, and interesting little things that are done to establish him because weirdly, Kiyotaka has this like, air of importance to him for both the first and second chapter. Like I might even go as far as to say that he could've been written as a red herring for BOTH the chapter 1 and 2 murder trials if the writers really wanted to go in that direction. Ok so with the prologue and chapter one, obviously every character is going to be given at least a little bit of time to have their base personalities established, and Taka isn't exempt from that by any means. He honestly gets a LOT more establishment than others in this chapter since he ends up becoming this sorta de-facto leader of the group right off the bat (and btw, I don't consider his eventual downfall and death to be a subversion of his character by any means. To me, a subversion implies that there's going to be at least some sort of attempt to tie in the subversion to his previous actions somehow, and no effort is made here. Chapter one already gives a great character subversion of the childhood friend trope with Sayaka, so if Kiyotaka's death is meant to be a subversion of his own character trope, then I'd say that it's comparatively much weaker). Kiyotaka even ends up being the one to set the morning meetings into action, which Is kept up for the entire rest of the game with little to no breaks in that formula if I recall correctly? Can you believe it guys. He started that. He started that and nobody thanked him. Anyway.

Then in chapter 2, things start to get a bit inch resting. The obvious one is Kiyotaka becoming friends with Mondo to then set up the events of the trial and how they relate back to Mondo, while simultaneously not making the culprit and victim completely obvious. Which by the way. Mondo's friend didn't necessarily HAVE to be Kiyotaka. It could've worked with multiple other characters but they chose SPECIFICALLY Kiyotaka. Absolutely fucked up. Anyway. The OTHER thing that happens to establish Kiyotaka in chapter two is. This.

fucking!!! oopsie!!! I fucking guess!!! Kiyotaka is the one to suggest revealing the secrets, which other than Monokuma himself dropping the motive, ends up being the domino that sets the entirety of chapter two's murder in motion. In a really fucked up in evil way, you could technically say that Taka blaming himself for Chihiro and Mondo's death actually has some merit if you pin it back to this! Fun! I think something about the second chapter that I don't see people discuss a lot is that while Kiyotaka is obviously being put into horrible grief over Mondo and Chihiro's deaths, blaming himself for both and even going as far as to vote for himself due to the amount of responsibility he feels, there's also this underlying second. thing. That I think acts as the nail in the coffin for his entire mental state once chapter 3 rolls around. Kiyotaka is somebody who at his core, has an INCREDIBLY black and white understanding of morality as a whole. In his mind, a person is either good, or they're bad. With him befriending Mondo, we see his morality take its very first major deviation. Almost. Mondo is somebody that Kiyotaka considered to be wholly bad at FIRST, but upon learning how similar the two of them were, he came to the conclusion that he made a lapse in his judgement, and that Mondo was actually wholly good. And THEN he commits real actual murder. Kiyotaka JUST made a friend for the very first time, and now he's learning that said friend committed murder. But not only did he commit murder, he committed ACCIDENTAL murder, and is still being punished. Meanwhile, Togami, someone who tampered with Chihiro's corpse for the sillyfunnies, and Syo, a wanted serial killer, BOTH go free completely unscathed, lacking any sort of further consequence for their actions. So not only is Kiyotaka in a state of heavy and immediate grief, but in addition to all that, his entire perception of morality as he knows it, and the BASIS for how he's lived his ENTIRE LIFE, has just crumbled in front of him in under an hour. This bad boy can fit so much PAIN and CONFUSION. This was so life shattering that I will once again remind you- he was suddenly willing to give up his, AND everybody else's lives to let Mondo go free. AND THIS IS ALL JUST TO PREFACE THE ISHIDA STUFF!!! So now we've hit chapter 3. I think pretty much everything goes as it does up until Kiyotaka becomes Ishida. THEN there are some substantial changes. I figure to start, I could think up a fun little reason for Ishida's hair to be white, although it's really just a metaphor. Once again, bro's entire understanding of morality has just crumbled, and I think that in his head, he tries to justify where he went wrong. Instead of just being the Mondo-possessed Kiyotaka, I think he becomes more determined than ever to fix the mistake that he 100% swears he must've made for chapter 2 to transpire the way it did. He begins to believe that he must've been acting too much out of pure logic, and that he should instead switch gears to a more emotional way of thinking through issues, hence his hair going from black to white. it's cute (it's also a nod to this lil line here).

When it comes to the chapter 3 murder, I think that Kiyotaka is vocal enough about his change of heart that Celeste susses him out in no time flat, and realizes that he's in a very vulnerable and easy to manipulate state. I think that he essentially swaps places with Hifumi here, and she's able to convince Ishida that Hifumi plans to hurt alter ego, or rather, that he hurt Celeste in one way or another. She's able to sniff out that Kiyotaka still feels spite towards everybody else, so if he can be convinced that she is the only good person left in this entire killing game (or grow a bond to Celeste), then he could end up helping her commit her murder. Except I don't think he needs to be convinced that he'd be making an escape with her (I didn't mention how he was willing to vote for himself in chapter 2 for no good reason). Rather, I think that he would play the roll of a red herring in the trial along with an unwilling Hiro, pretending to be the murderer as a last resort to cover Celeste's tracks. However at some point I think he would end up slipping (possibly in a similar fashion to how Mondo did with the colour of the tracksuit, which also ties to Celeste's own account, funnily enough), and that ultimately leads to Celeste's death. In Ishida's mind, i think he feels like he'd failed a second time to keep someone he cared about alive. He doesn't catch onto him being manipulated to begin with until later I think. Chapter 4 rolls around and I think things start to calm down, BUT. I think he remains INCREDIBLY silent during the entire thing, maybe only making a comment or two during the trial. I think as the truth gets slowly revealed it's like looking in a mirror. A. Very Hina shaped mirror. Watching somebody else also go to incredibly extreme lengths for the sake of someone they care about and trust strikes SUCH a chord, I think. It's perfect timing for alter Ego's execution to happen as well, I think. It's all a giant metaphor for something, probably. Anyways the reason I didn't go into depth with chapter 4 is because. There is a fic that I love that does that already. When I read it I was in a voice call and I had to refrain from actually losing it because it just??? happened to share a brain cell with me??? thank god??? Anyways it's called Stage 3: The Chrysalis (Also Known as Pupa) and it changed me forever. Go read it. That's an order. BUT ANYWAY after chapter 4 ends I think Kiyotaka would be fully back in form (now complete with emotional damage but hes working on it), and he'd end up taking a backseat so that the major endgame plot stuff can kick into high gear. Him and Hina are best friends now (real), and Ishida as a concept is fixed. This took like two hours to write, Spike Chunsoft should hire me so that I can write them a better game.

#syd spiels #backtalk #danganronpa #danganronpa thh #danganronpa 1 #danganronpa trigger happy havoc #kiyotaka ishimaru #ishimaru kiyotaka #i wrote an entire essay of course it's going into the tags #who else is gonna get this guy into the top characters on tumblr in 2023 if not me????#kiyondo ishida #ishida kiyondo #its 1 am goodnight

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macbethz · 1 year ago

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my constant thought since the specials is whether there exists anywhere in fiction any concepts like the heart of the tardis/metacrisis/doctordonna stuff but like. 'good'. i wish dw wasn't bad but otoh....if it was good would it be good........

there are several pieces of media including doctor who related stuff (t*rchwood) that i enjoy solely for their potential despite the fact that they are bad or mid but the main show (with a few exceptions) is not one of them. I genuinely think doctor who is good both as a central part of TV history and like. structurally as a story. SHE DOES STRUGGLE SOMETIMES I CANNOT LIE. THERE HAVE BEEN SOME BUMPS. To me that is part of her quirkiness tho like doctor who's ability to be both the most evocative tragedy you've ever seen in your life and simultaneously ridiculous sci fi nonsense is central to its appeal. you'll have to kill me before i get mad at the masters lightning hands or the levitating black triangle. she's like my horse in a horse girl movie. you just dont understand her like i do <3

BUT ANYWAY yeah metacrisis/doctordonna/heart of the tardis/eldritch time lord nonsense have not been explored to their full potential i agree! That's one of my personal favorite corners of the DW universe and part of why I engage with it so much. I particularly just enjoy the fucked up implications of essentially merging with the soul of your eldritch god best friend until you don't know where one of you ends and the other begins. Love to see that actually explored by DW someday -_-

If that kind of weirdness interests you though I think you might enjoy some of the DW EU, like the eighth doctor audios or faction paradox! In terms of other media, I consume a crazy amount of sci fi so it really depends what exactly you're looking for! I am legally obligated to plug Blindsight which is my favorite book of all time and similarly investigates identity and the nature of consciousness through the lens of aliens; this book actually changed how I look at my life and I recommend it to everyone. The Enderverse also explores similar identity blurring/psychic weird aliens/etc in its later books. Parasyte the Maxim is a slightly different beast thematically but I still recommend it anyway because 1) its VERY good and 2) also features bodysharing w aliens/what it means to be human. but again it really depends what part of that stuff appeals to you and i loveee giving recs

this got long but i like talking abt doctor who sorry. i also want to see more time lord weirdness

#warlock wartalks #ALSO i dont want to say too much bc its still very much in the works but the comic im working on is very much inspired by like.#concepts i wanted to see more of in DW including weird time and identity shit

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gohyuck · 3 years ago

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the purge: society

pairing: firefighter!san x reader

genre: purge au, angst, some fluff

warnings: mentions of violence (especially violence against cops), murder, blood, injury, weapons (guns, knives, metal baseball bats)

word count: 2.4k

note: this was originally meant to be a drabble and it’s still pretty short so i didn’t get to elaborate on the characters but honestly maybe i’ll explore a purge universe with ateez someday because this was fun (i’ve never watched any of the movies though so i’ll have to get on that)

“What the fuck?”

He hadn’t expected to see anyone left alive on this street.

“Shut up and get down,” You hiss, reaching your good arm up to grab onto the man’s jacket collar before unceremoniously pulling him towards you. He stumbles, falling gracelessly onto you. A scream bubbles up in your throat as he accidentally puts pressure onto your already free-bleeding bicep, but you get ahold of yourself just in time, only letting the quietest of wounded moans escape you.

“You’re the first person that hasn’t tried to kill me before talking to me all night - oh, shit,” The stranger trails off, swearing when you effectively stop him from speaking further by placing your switchblade right under his skin. It’s only then that he even pauses to take you in: your back is up by the police car door, sure, and your left arm has a massive gash in it, but you’re armed. There’s a pistol laying idly in your lap, kept company by a metal baseball bat.

Not to mention, the knife at his neck.

“What the hell are you doing, walking around unarmed and with a first aid kit? Also, how the hell are you unarmed and with just a first aid kit? What the fuck?” You let the questions out in a rapidfire fashion, and he can’t help but clock the slight rasp in your voice. It’s easier to recognize than the pained wheeze you’re trying very, very hard to suppress, but neither escape him. He’s trained to notice the little things, anyways.

“You need to bandage that shit up,” The man ignores your questions, moving his head just enough to miss your blade but also enough to be able to look you in the eyes. “How long has it been bleeding?”

“That’s none of your business,” You grit out. “Answer my questions or I’ll kill you right here and now.”

“If I answer yours, will you answer mine?” For some reason, he doesn’t seem to be panicking just yet. His gaze is sincere, but it’s too solid to be that of a bona fide idiot. You suck in a breath of air. Threatening him would be so much easier if he didn’t seem like a nice guy. It’s hard enough to live through the night, you don’t need guilt on your hands, and you know you’re going to feel guilty when you kill him. And you will kill him.

You need that first aid kit. You’ll do anything for it.

Anything, starting off with lying.

“Sure,” You reply, steeling yourself for any sudden movements he might make now that you’re faking amicability. Maybe he’ll believe you to be vulnerable and try for your pistol or your bat, or maybe he’ll be properly cruel and finish off your arm. You don’t want to think about it. He lets out a sigh of relief, and you can’t help but wonder if you’ve actually affected him after all. “Now speak.”

“Not unarmed, there’s a police-issue pistol in my jacket and a tactical knife in my jeans. I’m not totally nuts. First aid kit’s for my buddy, though, I’ll be real, you need it way more than him.” There’s something resembling concern in his expression as his eyes flit between your torn arm and your face, but that barely interests you. You haven’t truly registered anything after ‘police-issue’.

You lean in, pressing the edge of your knife against the skin directly above his adam’s apple. For the first time since you’d cornered him, your mystery purger’s breath hitches. His eyebrows draw together in confusion. It’s no matter. You no longer regret the fact that you’ll have to tear his jugular out yourself.

“You’re a hog, huh,” You stare him down, any sympathy you might’ve had gone. For a moment, it seems as if he has no concept of what you’re saying. A second passes, though, and his gaze clears.

“Firefighter,” He responds, though the word is garbled due to him attempting to keep his movements to a minimum. You pull back slightly, very slightly, to let him explain. “I… found a dead cop, jacked his pistol. I’ll show you my ID, if you want.”

“Let me see it.” You nod your head at him as if giving him permission to live a little longer, though you both know full well that identity theft and identity fabrication are legal, too. Might as well see how much effort he puts into a fake. The man waits until you pull back just a bit more, enough to let him slowly reach his hand into his back pocket before producing a lanyard.

You grab it out of his grip with your hurt arm, not willing to move your knife too far away from his throat. You simply don’t have a good enough read on - you glance down - San Choi, ACT Firefighter, Employee ID: 018-102-4 to allow yourself any leeway with him.

His gently smiling face stares up at you from the plastic card, protected only by a clear sleeve connected to a red lanyard. San’s photo has black hair and an undercut, styled so his forehead is on display. A pair of dimples makes a guest appearance, and, overall, he seems like a genuinely sweet guy. The ID looks real, too, so maybe you aren’t totally fucked.

The San under your knife has bleach blond hair that almost falls over his eyes, though you suppose you can’t blame him for skipping out on the hair product tonight. He seems slightly tanner than his photo, his skin beautiful even now as dust from the aftermath of the explosion starts to settle against it.

Right. The explosion.

Recalling the events leading up to you meeting San forces you to remember that you have a gaping, bloody gash in your left arm. You’re honestly lucky to be alive, having ducked and used the car you’re against for cover from flying debris after a building down the block had exploded. You’d just finished driving your knife into a cop’s side - third cop of the night, eighth of your career as a purge cop killer - to make sure that he was dead when you’d heard the bomb go off, and you’d dropped before even thinking about it. Something had hit your arm on the way down, and when the adrenaline had finally left your system, you’d taken note of your blood-soaked sleeve.

You’d closed the car door after that, sealing your third murder of the night in the vehicle just so you could lean up against the door. It had been 6:31 in the morning then, and you had figured that someone would come by and kill you in the last moments before legality ensued again. You’d assumed that you’d fight, of course you would, but your arm being totally fucked definitely put a damper on your belief in your ability to overcome anyone or anything else.

Instead of the disgruntled, trigger-happy purger you’d expected to eventually find, though, you’d been found by San Choi. San Choi, who’s currently staring at your wounded arm like it’s grown eyes and can stare back.

“Come on, let me fix it up,” He pleads, lifting the kit up with the hand that’s farther from you. “You might not trust me, or whatever, but the purge is about to end as it is. I have a paramedic friend, Seonghwa, who’s taught me the basics of -”

“Shut the fuck up.” You tell him, though you’re quickly losing your bite. He obeys regardless. God, your arm really, really fucking hurts. Before pulling your knife back, you check the watch on your wrist. 6:47. Stay alive for 13 more minutes, 780 more seconds. You’ll be fine. You take the shakiest breath you’ve ever taken.

You pull your knife away from him.

Nothing happens.

“I’m going to use an alcohol free wipe and then wrap gauze around your arm, okay? You’ll just have to hold out until we can get you to a working hospital after that,” San speaks as if he’s talking to a child, or a scared animal, and you can’t blame him. He doesn’t seem like a purger, but you technically are one. You wouldn’t put it past yourself to attack on a whim if you were him. He, very slowly and with his hands in your full view at all times, opens the kit and pulls out the requisite materials.

“Gonna need you to rip your sleeve off above the cut.” He continues, leaning back as you bring your knife up to your clothes and slit the cloth right above your wound. You tear the remainder of the sleeve off your arm before throwing it behind you somewhere. San gently grabs ahold of your elbow - his palm is calloused in a way that tells you he lifts regularly, and you’re sure of this as he discards his jacket and you watch the muscles ripple in his arms under his thin black shirt - and places the wipe against your cut.

Your reaction is instantaneous: now that you’re completely past the adrenaline stage, the feeling of something, anything against the gash has you reeling to cry out. Before you can even process that you’ve made a sound, a hand presses hard against the back of your head, shoving your mouth against San’s.

He doesn’t know how else to shut you up.

His lips are chapped, but the sensation of being kissed so suddenly jars you out of your pain. San attempts to pull back, and you can already feel the apologetic wince he’s about to give you, but he brushes over your wound with the wipe again and your pain doubles back. It’s you that pulls him in this time, pressing your lips to his sloppily but forcefully as if it’ll alleviate the burn in your arm.

Kissing him only slightly muffles you at best, but you no longer care. The purge isn’t over yet. You could both die at any second. Hell, San could kill you at any second. His hand moves from the back of your head to cup your face as he leans in towards you to deepen the kiss. His lips are chapped, yes, but they’re soft. He tastes like mint and copper: there’s a cut in his lower lip. You don’t mind.

San pulls away for a moment, but only does so to grab the gauze from the kit. Once he’s wrapped it around your arm once, twice, thrice, he leans back in and your mouth accepts his own eagerly, your other hand coming up to drape over his shoulder. Neither of you know why you’re doing this, kissing a stranger with such fervor as one of you bandages the other up, but you both know that there’s really nothing else to do.

It’s only after he finishes taping you up that the two of you pull away fully. His eyes are still just as kind as you’d thought them to be at first, though his lips are far more swollen than they’d been mere minutes prior. You admire your handiwork, eyes tracing his features as he admires his own, thumb very, very gently running over your gauze. Both of you raise your heads to smile sheepishly at each other at the exact same time.

Three things happen in rapid succession.

“Good?” San’s voice is barely above a whisper, a smirk tugging at the corner of his mouth. Just as you’re about to speak -

“San!” A voice, low and hoarse, interrupts you, and you look up to see the barrel of a gun pointed directly at the space between your eyes. You’re frozen in place for a split second before you start reaching for your own pistol. Your fingers brush the grip when -

The clock strikes seven, and sirens go off all around you, signalling the end of the purge.

The gun is out of your face. Your hand moves off of your own.

“San,” The owner of the gun pays you no mind, suddenly, his entire focus on San. The gun-owner reaches a hand out, and the firefighter beside you takes it, allowing himself to get pulled up to his feet. “You okay?”

“Yeah, Yunho, I’m totally good,” San responds, giving the taller man a cat-like grin of reassurance. Yunho’s got a fireman’s helmet on, and you suppose it’s good as protection. He must be a fellow firefighter, then. He’s tall, and though he’d seemed nothing short of severe mere moments ago, he seems softer, kinder now that the purge is over. The transformation is enough to give you whiplash. His right hand is wrapped in bandages, and this catches San’s sight at the same time it catches your own. “What the hell happened to you, though?”

“That policeman you killed had buddies,” Yunho replies with ease, but you don’t miss San’s wince. Seems like he hadn’t just happened upon that police-issue pistol. You can’t help the small grin that fights to make its way across your face. “They tried to get into the station, we had to fortify ourselves. We’re mostly fine, just that Woo’s lost a finger. He’ll live once he stops whining about it. We were mostly worried about you, honestly, taking fucking forever just to find a first aid kit. Who’s this?”

Yunho moves the topic of conversation over to you so naturally that you barely even realize what has happened before San is reaching a hand out to you to pull you up to a standing position. You grab ahold of your pistol, though you shove the bat off your lap before allowing yourself to be brought up. Without thinking, you practically plaster yourself to San’s side. Now that he’s for sure what he told you he was, and now that you’re no longer in danger of dying, you can’t help but feel inexplicably connected to him even though neither of you know each other. San wraps an arm around your waist naturally, and neither of you miss Yunho’s eyebrow raise. Neither of you acknowledge it, either.

“This?” San asks rhetorically, turning his head slightly to look at you. He’s smiling again, and you find that you want to see it more often. Maybe you’re experiencing the onset of delirium. You hope not. “This is…”

“(Name),” You reply, being honest. There’s no need for you to lie. Besides, you owe San answers, right? You stick your uninjured arm out, letting Yunho shake your hand. San’s grip tightens around your waist.

“I’m (Name).”

#first #five #tags #dont #work #san #san fluff #san angst #ateez san #choi san #ateez angst #ateez fluff #san x reader #choi san x reader #san smut

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ramblings-of-a-mad-cat · 4 years ago

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I really want to read the post where you say "why Ravenclaw is the House that suits MC the most in the main story" but I dont find it

I haven’t ever made a full length post about it, come to think of it. I’ve talked about it in previous Ask responses but admittedly I have quite a few of those. So I suppose now is as good a time as any!

Ultimately, HPHM’s story is designed so that any House can work for Jacob’s Sibling. Obviously, no one House is “canon” over the others. But in my personal opinion, certain Houses do make more sense for different reasons. Everything can change based on how you characterize MC, but setting aside the dialogue choices, they tend to have a general personality that fills in for most of the scenes. It’s average, a kind of “everyman” type. And certain choices can arguably be considered “canon” when they’re the ones that are free, placed next to choices that are locked behind attributes or friendship checks. That is the general vision of MC that I’ll be analyzing.

But first, the characters.

One of the primary reasons that MC fits Ravenclaw the best in the Main Story is because there are several characters who are aligned to MC in their Sorting. They always follow MC to whatever House they go to. Thus it becomes a question of which house suits them the most. Rowan Khanna, I think, speaks for them-self. I could see them in any House but they are a Ravenclaw through and through. I bet the only reason they ever get Sorted anywhere else is because they ask the Hat to let them follow MC. They are absolutely brilliant, with a love of reading and learning new things. They’re eccentric as well, deeply creative and good at coming up with plans. They dream of being a Professor, and they turn to books above all else. Next we have Jacob. Another character who could go anywhere based on interpretation, but he strikes me as a Ravenclaw too. Several of the options you can give when expressing speculation about him suggest that the reason he probably investigated the Vaults in the first place was his thirst for knowledge, his desire to know their secrets. To be specific, his stubborn and obsessive need to know. I feel like Jacob couldn’t let this go until he had learned all of the hidden magic and secrets of the Vaults, until he realized far too late that he was in over his head, mixed up with R and everything.

Then there is Flitwick. A canon Ravenclaw of course, and one of the four Heads of House. It could be coincidental, but even if it is, Flitwick is easily the most developed of the Heads of House within this game. McGonagall is totally in character, but she’s part of the sideline outside of a small section of Year 2. Sprout contributes absolutely nothing, and Snape is likewise in character, but lacking anything to do until Rakepick shows up. Flitwick prepares MC for the first duel with Merula and gives them counsel. I suppose it’s not that much more than McGonagall teaching them the revealing spell in Year 2, but this felt so much more personal. You have the chance to make a promise to Flitwick, and either keep it or break it. In Year 4, he is I think the only teacher to speak up in Rakepick’s defense, and this leads into even further development of his character. By Year 5, he starts to warn MC not to investigate the Portrait Curse, but stops mid-sentence as he realizes that nothing he can say will stop them. I bring all of this up because Flitwick being such a fleshed out character in this game kind of goes hand in hand pretty well with the idea that he is MC’s Head of House. He is the only Head who shows the slightest bit of remorse when banning MC from Hogsmeade. With him, you really get the sense that he’s being overruled and doesn’t agree with it. That he’s in MC’s corner. And god I love him. I won’t stray too far into the Quidditch characters, but I will say that Murphy and Orion are two other characters that stick with MC, who I could very much see as Ravenclaws, both in different ways. But still, it’s Jacob and Rowan who are most important in affecting the story.

Which brings me to the story itself.

Hogwarts Mystery is different from the story of Harry Potter. This is the tale of Jacob and his Sibling. In HP, we know from the beginning who the villain is, that he’s an evil monster. We know what he wants, and that he failed. It gets fleshed out more later but everything you need to know is in that first book. We see him, he clashes with Harry, and loses. The books are a hero’s journey. A story of good versus evil. They do have mystery aspects, each of the books has a mystery told within it’s pages. But the overarching story is not about what’s hidden in the trapdoor, or who opened the chamber of secrets. It’s about Harry and Voldemort’s rivalry, their hero/villain dynamic. Everyone knew going into DH that Harry would defeat him in the end because that’s how these things go. OOTP basically confirmed it but most fans had known for years.

HPHM is different.

There are heroic moments, and Merula in particular compares MC to being a “hero.” But nothing they do is heroic in the same way as Harry. They both take active roles in the story but in different ways. Harry is still reactionary. He takes it upon himself to solve the problems, but he still waits until the problems show up. MC plans to open the Vaults even before the Curses show themselves. They arrive at Hogwarts with a goal in mind, finding Jacob. And with Hogwarts Mystery, the overarching story is not a hero’s journey. Because MC is so much more ambiguous than Harry. It might seem redundant to say that this story is a Mystery, but it is. An ongoing investigation, the unraveling of a conspiracy. Learning the truth about just what went down during Jacob’s years at Hogwarts. By HBP, Voldemort was such a familiar presence that we were learning the ins and outs of his childhood, right down to how his parents met. By Year 6, we still have no idea what R really is, or what they want. We don’t even know what it stands for. The black and white of the books, the heroes and the villains...that’s all replaced with shades of gray. Jacob is constantly in the gray. So is Rakepick, at least at first. Don’t get me started on Merula. Ben is another character who is definitely good, but has gone through such a roller coaster about who he is and whether he can be trusted.

Then there’s the ambiguity of MC them-self. The hints that they don’t share everything with people, are prone to tricking others, and for all we know, might wind up on the Dark Side someday. I’ll admit, this can also lend itself well to MC being a Slytherin, and indeed there are dialogue choices that are locked behind being one. But I still feel as though MC playing detective throughout this entire game, that whole premise lends itself pretty damn well toward a Ravenclaw MC. They’re trying to defeat the bad guys, but their main method of preparing for that fight is not train up an army of students, it is to investigate the Vaults, and investigate R. Even going as far as to work with Wizarding police. Granted, I know Harry poked around a lot too. And MC does form the Circle of Khanna, just like how Harry formed Dumbledore’s Army. Both of them do exhibit both behaviors, but MC specializes in covert investigation more than preparation for combat. Again, at least they do so in the main story. The Circle of Khanna was not meant to be like Dumbledore’s Army, at least not in concept. MC first conceived it as the idea of standing toe to toe with the Cabal by having a secret organization of their own. I know that didn’t really land perfectly in actual practice but that was the whole idea. And if there’s one thing MC has a constant stream of, it’s ideas. Not always the right ones, not always fast enough, but they do have them, and these ideas steer the plot. In the main story and otherwise.

It’s probably a bit cheap to get meta, but so be it.

I can’t help but notice how, if we take every other contribution to the Potterverse into account...well then, we’ve got a Gryffindor Protagonist in the form of Harry. We’ve got a Slytherin Protagonist in the form of Albus Severus. And a Hufflepuff over in Fantastic Beasts with Newt Scamander. If MC is a Ravenclaw, then that completes the quartet. But there’s another Quartet out there as well - that of the Original Four. Rowan, Ben, Penny, and Merula. The Year 1 characters and the OG leads of the Hogwarts Mystery story. Notice anything about them? We have a Hufflepuff, a Gryffindor, and a Slytherin...but no Ravenclaw. None that is, unless MC, and therefore Rowan by extension, is a Ravenclaw. MC being Sorted into the House of Eagles completes both of these groups. I dunno, I just find it curious that unless the Player goes to Ravenclaw, the first student character we meet in that House shows up in Year 3. Because Jam City wrote in some amazing characters for Ravenclaw. My love of Tulip Karasu is well documented, but I also think Talbott is pretty damn fascinating. Andre and Badeea rock too! Ravenclaw is also a relatively neutral House. I’ve said before that HPHM ignores the House rivalries, and that’s easiest to incorporate in the House of Eagles, which mostly keeps to itself. It would not be socially strange for a Ravenclaw to have so many friends from different Houses. I’m not saying a Slytherin MC couldn’t befriend Ben, for example, but he’s a Muggle-born Gryffindor and that would be a big deal to everyone else. Again, not saying it couldn’t happen, just that it would turn heads and people within Slytherin might go as far as to treat MC like a traitor. I like this premise, but...would Felix seriously help MC prepare to fight Merula, a fellow Slytherin, on behalf of someone like Ben? There are other trivial problems, like the question of two male Prefects if MC is Gryffindor, etc.

But that’s just a few thoughts. Again, there’s clearly no “canon” House, and neither of my MCs are even in Ravenclaw. But I think it’s fun to explore the idea as Ravenclaw is a House that, I think, is sorely needing development.

#Harry Potter #Harry Potter: Hogwarts Mystery #HPHM Analysis #HPHM Jacob's Sibling #HPHM Jacob #Rowan Khanna #Filius Flitwick #HPHM #Ramblings #Long Post #Patricia Rakepick #HPHM R #The Circle of Khanna

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swtorpadawan · 4 years ago

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Fun

(For Chapter One of this series, Monsters and Masks, please click here. ) Author’s Notes: I am not conforming to the norms of Chiss aging in my head-canons. For the record, Ashara is 21, here, while Ozibaumnu is 22. “My lord… may I ask you a personal question?” Ashara Zavros, Jedi Padawan, spoke even as she continued to trudge a few steps behind her ostensible master, Lord Kallig, across the icy plains of Hoth. The two were heading back to their shuttle at Dorn Base after successfully seeking out the Force ghost of the ancient Sith Lord Horak-Mul and persuading him to allow himself to be bound to Kallig. All this with the ultimate goal of challenging Darth Thanaton, who had been hounding Kallig, Ashara, and their crew for as long as Ashara had been with them.

Hoth was barely habitable; it was essentially a freezing orb of snow and ice floating in space. Fortunately, both Ashara and Kallig were well-dressed for the frosty climate, wearing heavy cloaks over their normal robes and thermal garments beneath. Kallig – with the customary generosity she’d come to expect from him – had even provided her with thermal sleeves for her lekku and montrals. She couldn’t imagine where he had come by the garments that seemed to fit her perfectly and were clearly designed for a Togruta like herself. (Perhaps he had met a synthweaver in all his travels?) Regardless she was grateful for the protection and touched by his attentiveness.

The cold had proven to be too much for their speeders, so they’d ultimately been forced to park them a few kilometers short of the base and were now heading the rest of the way on foot.

(Tauntauns would have been more practical, Ashara knew. But the smelly, hairy beasts bothered her and even Lord Kallig hadn’t been keen on them.) Kallig paused in his step and turned towards Ashara. He was still wearing his black and silver skull-mask, one Ashara now knew was the legacy of the infamous Kallig bloodline. The mask gave him a foreboding look, an appearance that he’d carefully cultivated, he’d later confided to Ashara. Allies and enemies alike responded more promptly – and more predictably – to the mask than to the Sith Lord’s actual face. Most who encountered him knew him only by his growing reputation; the man beneath – a relatively young Chiss – was ‘unimportant’ in the grand scheme of things, he’d claimed.

(This was especially important, Ashara noted, considering Chiss serving in the Sith Empire often faced considerable prejudices, even those among the Sith.) Ashara, personally, much preferred him without the mask. “Only if you promise to remember that you don’t have to call me ‘my lord’ when we’re in private, Ashara.” Kallig’s tone was gently teasing, and she could almost feel his slight smile behind it. “Call me Ozibaumnu, or you could even follow Andronikus’ lead and call me ‘Ozi’, if you like. Its only in front of others that we need to worry about titles and formality.” He gave her a casual shrug. “Such things are quite important among the Sith and Imperials.” She was touched by his consideration, but she didn’t fail to observe that although he nominally served the Sith Empire and was a Sith himself, he didn’t personally identify himself as an Imperial. That is an important distinction. Ashara observed, filing that nugget of information away for later. “Okay. Ozibaumnu.” she gave him a hopeful smile. “I was just wondering… what does a Sith Lord who isn’t committed to the dark side do for fun?” He’d turned towards her fully now, his head tilting to the side. He had shown her a great deal of patience thus far, arguably far more than her old Jedi masters had. Ashara couldn’t imagine asking that kind of question to Master Ryen or Master Ocera. Indeed, it wouldn’t have ever occurred to her to do so. But Lord Kallig was different. Different than the Jedi. Different than Elios Maliss, that Sith acolyte on Taris, and different from ever other Sith she’d met since then. Different than how she ever imagined a Sith Lord ever could be. Different from anyone who Ashara had ever met, really. “Fun, hmm?” he queried. “Yeah. Fun. You know. For recreation. For enjoyment. Just… you know… fun.” She emphasized. How could she explain the concept of fun to someone who she was starting to suspect had never experienced it? Lord Kallig seemed to be chewing something over. He finally reached up and undid the clasp on his mask, pulling it up and over his head. Ashara had seen only two examples of Chiss in person before she’d met Ozibaumnu, and both had been allied with the Imperial military, seen from a distance. After she’d joined the Sith’s crew, she recalled finding his red eyes unnerving at first, but she had become much more comfortable with them over time. The stark contrast of the red against his dark blue skin was rather exotic. His face was heavily scarred; Ashara knew the marks were from his years as a slave but had never pressed him on the details. (She imagined the stories must have been horrifying.) Still, she privately admitted to herself that his high cheek bones and raven widow’s peak hair were not unattractive. When she’d first met him, of course, he had been wearing his Kallig mask and from the way he talked, she’d imagined him being … well, much older than he was. Later, when he’d revealed his actual face back on his ship, it was only then she realized first that he was Chiss and second that he was only a year or two older than she was. Ozibaumnu often seemed a completely different man to Ashara in private. Or without the mask. Or when she thought of him as ‘Ozibaumnu’ and not ‘Lord Kallig’. She was only now starting to understand that he needed to put on the show of being a ‘dark and imperious’ figure to discourage other Sith and Imperials from targeting him or his crew. This was the culture of the Sith Empire as it existed, and it was a culture that Ashara hoped Kallig would someday overturn. Now free of the mask, the Sith Lord exhaled slowly into the cold, icy air, his breath visible in a small puffy cloud. Ashara recalled that Chiss were naturally adapted to colder climates. Indeed, they’d seen dozens of Imperial-aligned Chiss on Hoth during their time here. Far more than she’d ever seen before. She’d privately wondered why he hadn’t revealed himself as one of them. Shouldn’t he welcome the presence of his own species, after spending so long in the Empire? “Well, I don’t really know.” He finally said. “I have vague memories of… playing with my elder sister when I was very little.” His voice grew wistful for the briefest of moments, and Ashara, feeling charmed at the thought of Ozibaumnu as a small child, started to smile. “I suppose that must have been fun.” The feeling wouldn’t last. “When we were separated, however, well, that’s when the Sarnovas bought me.” She could hear the sting of bitterness and pain in his voice. “I had… duties and lessons. I suppose I may have enjoyed some of those more than others. I read extensively in their library when I could find time. And I found great relief with the biochemistry lab, but that was primarily to manage Lady Sarnova’s gardens. I’ve kept that up, as you’ve seen on the ship. I’m even proficient enough now to produce custom stim-packs, and I do find the challenge relaxing.” He paused. “But I don’t think I would call it ‘fun’, exactly. It’s just something engaging I do to keep myself mentally sharp.” Ashara felt her heart start to break hearing about the life that Ozibaumnu had led. It was entirely unfair and put the difficulties of her own life into context. The young Sith Lord had turned away from her now, looking off into the distance at one of Hoth’s moons. Though there was still daylight out, night would be falling quite soon. Still, she was hesitant to interrupt him, enjoying this level of openness. There was time. “It couldn’t have been so different for you, could it?” the Sith Lord asked, turning his head towards her slightly. “The Jedi aren’t exactly known for providing their padawans with a spirited and carefree upbringing.” Ashara bit her lip at that. She had enjoyed her time as a Jedi, no matter how frustrated she’d grown when she felt like her Masters had been holding her back. “Well, we were given some free time each day.” She finally said. “To learn or relax however we chose. A few of us watched holovids. Some of the others meditated or studied records on loan from the Jedi Archives. I liked sparring with the others, but none of them could really keep up with me so I usually went exploring outside the enclave where I might run into rakghouls or bogstalkers or some other local predator. I didn’t seek conflict with any of them, but I didn’t back down when they attacked, either.” Her lips twisted into a guilty smile. “None of them could stop me.” She knew her pride was a weakness, but she couldn’t quite help it. “I guess… I guess it was fun. For me, anyway.” Ozibaumnu chuckled. “I believe you. I’ve seen your power and skills first-hand.” He gave her a grin. “You’re a remarkably talented warrior.” Ashara blushed in embarrassment at the compliment, looking away self-consciously. “Uhm. Thank you.” She offered lamely. Why did it bother her so much, him seeing her flustered? Seeming to sense the sudden awkwardness, Ozibaumnu turned away again. Ashara liked that about him. He respected her boundaries and didn’t push when she was uncomfortable with something. He seemed to ‘get’ her in a way other people didn’t. “Anyway, after I… ‘left’ the Sarnovas’ service, I began my Sith training. I knew full well I was already well behind the other students, and that my Chiss heritage would make me a target for a great many of the acolytes and overseers. I had to work twice as hard and to watch my back. The others took enjoyment from tormenting others or in the failures of one of our fellows. That’s… not something that interested me. So I suppose I didn’t really get to do anything for its own satisfaction.” He paused and Ashara could have sworn she could feel his mind sort through its memories. “Since then, well, first I was performing missions for Zash and then since her… transformation, I’ve had to deal with Thanaton. My companions – prior to meeting you, that is – have been a Dashade shadow-killer whose hobbies include ruthlessly devouring Force-users, and Andronikus, who enjoys acts of piracy and games of pazaak. And I can only play so much pazaak. It’s a reasonably engaging pastime, but not something I enjoy in and of itself.” Ashara had been listening to him talk about his life when inspiration struck her. Noting that his back was still turned to her, she crouched down and put her plan in motion. “But I’m afraid I’m not very experienced with the concept of ‘fun’. Not in a long time, anyway.” He seemed to ponder that reality for a long moment. “Oh, Ozibaumnu?” Ashara finally asked innocently. “Yes, Ashara?” he attentively turned back in her direction. The snowball struck Ozibaumnu square in the chest, crumbling on impact, but nevertheless leaving the Sith Lord covered in a good amount of snow as his startled eyes widened. Ashara covered her mouth with her hands to smother her laughter, eyes wide with mirth as the Chiss blinked and looked down at himself. “I’m so sorry!” she cried out, still desperately trying to stifle her giggles, and out of breath. “It’s just… you didn’t know what ‘fun’ was and you were just standing there… and I wanted to show you… I’m sorry!” She closed her eyes, trying to recompose herself with her Jedi training and utterly failing. Honestly, she was still a little shocked by her own conduct. She’d never in a million years have even thought about throwing a snowball at any of her old Jedi Masters. Plus, she genuinely liked and respected Ozibaumnu. He was intelligent and knowledgeable treated her with respect and kindness and offered her as much freedom as he could. He’d let her express herself and her abilities in ways she’d never been able to before, and as a result she felt she was becoming more proficient at lightsaber dueling with every encounter and was growing far more refined with the Force overall. And what was more he spoke with her, not at her. About the Force, the Empire, the Republic, the Jedi, the Sith… everything. She’d enjoyed it, more than she’d like to admit. It felt like no one was holding her back anymore. Instead, Ozibaumnu was helping her move forward. She really should be kinder towards him for all he’d done for her. More respectful. She lowered her hands from her face and sighed, trying to prepare a more sincere – and heartfelt – apology. And that was the moment Ashara felt the snowball hitting her in the face. The Togruta sputtered as her hands brushed away the snow, looking up in disbelief at her assailant. Ozibaumnu, the Lord Kallig, Heir to Tulak Hord and the Great Dragon of the Cult of the Screaming Blade, was grinning mischievously at her in an expression Ashara had never seen on his face before. His hand was extended outward, palm-side down. A few inches beneath it she saw a new snowball being formed in mid-air, just out of the reach of his hand, and immediately realized that while she’d been distracted trying to smother her laughter, he’d sculpted the first snowball and had flung it at her just by using the Force. Now he was plainly getting ready to send another her way. It was so playful it was almost charming. She was so startled and then entranced at the sight that she barely had time to duck her head from the second snowball as it flung itself towards her, letting out an ‘eek’ as it narrowly sailed over her montrals. She glanced back at him. Ozibaumnu continued grinning and promptly reached out and started forming a third snowball. Ashara felt a surge of adrenaline as her natural competitive instincts took over. If he was going to throw snowballs at her, she’d defend herself in kind. She kicked out at the still-forming snowball, then reached down towards the snow to form her own. Ashara knew she couldn’t match Ozibaumnu’s telekinesis or other outstanding Force powers, but she didn’t think he was her equal in physical prowess. She found herself smirking as she hurled her half-made snowball back at him. The Sith Lord deftly dodged the projectile by deftly turning his body, in an elegant display of an economy of motion. The minimal amount of effort had been expended. Then with a widening grin and a gesture of his hand, the snow all around them started to rise from the ground. Realizing the danger, Ashara took off, calling upon her Force speed to embark on a dead run away from him almost faster than the eye could follow. She’d realized immediately what Lord Kallig – Ozibaumnu, she reminded herself – was trying to do. She’d just have to be fast enough to overcome it. As she pushed herself, the ground behind her rose in a veritable tidal wave of snow, getting larger and larger as it pursued. Just when it threatened to overtake her, she adjusted her trajectory, evading its path. The Jedi padawan had been the best combatant in her class on Taris. Maybe one of the best in all the Jedi order. She knew that as powerful as she was, she couldn’t face Ozibaumnu directly like this. But even as the wave of snow turned and pursued her, she had a plan. Ashara continued to alter her direction, ever so slightly. Ozibaumnu was incredibly powerful and intelligent, but if she timed it perfectly, it was just possible she could find the angle to take him unawares. She risked a glance over her shoulder at him and was rewarded with the sight of a still grinning Sith Lord, reaching out with his hands as he guided the ever-growing wave of snow. By now, it was nearly ten meters high and twice as wide. Despite the cold and the speed she was running at, Ashara could feel the perspiration start to build on her brow as she continued to run, still adjusting her angle. She had never run so fast in her life, but at the same time, it was so exciting. The shape centered on the Chiss Sith Lord was nearly complete; Ashara was like the free tip of a compass while the wave behind her was drawing the circle. Just before she reached her starting point – and perhaps seconds away from being overtaken by the wave of snow – she turned her route completely towards him at a hard ninety degree angle and leapt, launching herself towards him with the strength of the Force in a remarkable display of athleticism. He'd turned towards her, his red, pupil-less eyes wide as they caught hers. She’d have missed the reaction without her Force sensitivity focused so acutely on him. For a fraction of a second, she was certain that her plan had failed, and he would respond with a Force Wave, throwing her back and into a nearby snowbank. Or perhaps he might even lash out with his Force Lightning, which Ashara was certain she could not resist or defend against. Not at this point.

But the expression on Ozibaumnu’s face was not a grin any longer. Nor was it anger or even shock. His eyes wide as he looked at her with the most serene expression. He looked at peace, with his lips slightly parted as he watched the oncoming Togruta soaring towards him. This observation registered in Ashara’s mind at the very instant she collided with him, sending both Force users tumbling to the ground in a heap. The Force wave of snow, no longer under the guidance of its master, simply collapsed just short of them, sending up a flurry of flakes. When the dust settled, Ashara, still breathing heavily, sat up and looked down at Ozibaumnu. He was laying on his back while Ashara was effectively straddling him. The wind had obviously been knocked out at him, but his eyes were still open, and looking up at her. Ashara swallowed, catching her breath as the feeling of awkwardness set in. “Uhm. You okay?” He blinked but didn’t turn away. Instead, he just nodded up at her, his eyes still wide and strangely focused. Ashara smiled, relived. Then realizing she’d succeeded in her plan, the smile widened into a grin. “I got you.” she beamed in triumph. It had been the first time she’d bested him in any kind of training. Ozibaumnu’s didn’t react in the slightest, nor did he move free himself or to push her off of him. In fact, he was only barely breathing as he continued to gaze up at her. “You’re beautiful.” The words startled Ashara, as her jaw dropped and her cheeks flushed. He’d always been friendly to her, and they’d even bantered a handful of times. But he’d never said anything to her like that before. These past several weeks had been a whirlwind for the young Togruta. She’d seen her old masters slain, then had allied with the Sith who’d killed them. She’s left Taris behind, and since then had seen how the growing war between the Republic and the Empire was impacting worlds like Quesh and Hoth. She’d made friends – or at least acquaintances – wish a Sith Lord, a pirate, and a Dashade shadow-killer who was sometimes possessed by a Sith. She had learned new things about herself, experiencing things she’d never imagined and she suspected that her journey of self-discovery was only just beginning. That there were many more lessons ahead. And as she looked down at his handsome face and felt butterflies in her belly, she wondered if this were one of them. The Chiss was still looking up at her, entranced, breathing heavily with his mouth agape. Ashara found herself starting to lean down towards his lips, getting closer and closer… It was at that point the silence was shattered by a voice that could be heard calling out in the distance. “My lord!” Alarmed, Ashara turned towards the sudden intrusion, her hands reflexively going for the lightsabers she kept clipped to her belt. Rapidly approaching the two from about fifty meters away was a squad of Imperial soldiers, clad in the Empire’s finest cold-weather gear. They were led by an eager man wearing sergeant stripes on his armor, his eyes wide in alarm. Suddenly very self-conscious of the fact that she was effectively straddling the Sith Lord to whom she owed her allegiance in the middle of a plain of snow, Ashara scrambled to her feet, hastily brushing the snow off her robes. She turned away as her cheeks burned in embarrassment, looking down at her feet. She could only imagine how ridiculous she looked at this moment. The soldiers came to a stop a few meters away, the sergeant suddenly uncertain. Each of the squadmates appeared to be surveying the lay of the land. “Forgive me, my lord. Dorn Base had a report of a sudden snowstorm… phenomena in this zone. We were concerned you’d been stranded.” Ashara remembered that Captain Yudrass of the Chiss Expansionary Defense Force now commanded Dorn Base, largely on Lord Kallig’s recommendation. Perhaps these men were here at Yudrass’ request? Ozibaumnu had, by now, risen to his feet, his back to the soldiers. Ashara watched as the Sith Lord carefully refastened his skull-mask around his head before finally turning to face the sergeant. “Not at all, sergeant.” Lord Kallig said, his voice once again slightly distorted by the mask. Nevertheless, his tone was clear, firm and commanding. “My apprentice and I were simply enjoying an impromptu training session. But I am most grateful for your concern.” “Ah.” The sergeant blinked, glancing at Ashara with a nervous look in his eyes and then back to Kallig before swallowing. “Of course, my lord. My apologies. My men and I will return to our patrols.” Kallig gave a slight nod, effectively dismissing the soldiers. The sergeant gave the order and the men turned westward, back in the general direction of Dorn base. Finally alone again, Kallig turned to Ashara, his face once again unreadable beneath his mask. “That was fun.” He said simply. Ashara bit her lip at that, and she realized only then that she’d been holding her breath in the presence of the soldiers who had ‘caught’ them. She exhaled, finally smiling softly at him. “Yes, it was.” She answered quietly. He gave a nod of his head and she found herself hoping he was smiling beneath the mask. “Well then. We should get back to it.” Without another word, the Sith Lord began trekking through the snow, once more headed towards the base. Ashara watched him for a second, her smile turning into a grin. Then she followed, eager to catch up. Author’s Notes: Some of my younger readers may not be entirely familiar with how people used to draw precise circles. Now you know. The Ashara Zavros romance in the SI story can be troubling if not approached from the correct direction. One of my goals with this particular character to explore that romance while avoiding the pitfalls. I love the idea of the Sith Inquisitor or the Sith Warrior going through most of the game interacting with Sith and Imperials who are unaware you are not human or Pureblood. Its like they can pull the mask off at any time and say “What did you say about Mirialans again?” Ozi is not a big fan of the Chiss Ascendancy. They sent his family into exile and to the Empire, and then did nothing after his mother was killed and he and his sister were enslaved. So he’s not a creature of sentiment with respect to his own species. But he was more accommodating with Yudrass, an NPC on Hoth who I found memorable. Honestly, he was one of the few Imperials he saw on Hoth who seemed worth his time. This might be the beginning of a reconciliation. Frankly, its too soon to say. Finally – I was originally going to name this piece ‘Snowballs’ but opted to change it to avoid any entendre issues. (Some of y’all have dirty minds.) Tagging people who liked my WIP teasers - @actualanxiousswampwitch , @sleepswithvillains , @elaphaemourra , @starstrucknerdbatkid , @lyrishadow , @sarpndodoesrp , @introversiontherapy , @faith71504 , @cinlat , @a-master-procrastinator , @a-muirehen , @imperialparagons , @blueburds and @greyias ! Thank you all for the encouragement! Also for @starknstarwars - who a VERY long time ago did some Winter prompts, the result of which being this WIP i had almost abandoned for over a year. The lesson here is, save your work. You can always come back to it later. Also - @swtorshipping - For your approval. Comments are always welcome!

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ocegion · 4 years ago

Note

For the character meme, obviously: Nicky & Joe 😘

aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhh!! thanks so much for the ask I immensely appreciate it!!!! <3<3<3<3<3<3

(also I went FAR OVERBOARD with this, I speak far too much when given the chance. Sorryyyyyyyyyy)

Joe:

First impression: Well, if it isn’t hot-but-dull Jafar. I know he’s gay in this one so that’s a plus point, but I’m not holding out much hope. He looks extra cute and fuzzy here though, that’s neat. (I want to clarify that I formally apologize to Mr Marwan Kenzari for having ever thought he couldn’t act, shame on me).

Impression now: *sobbing* He’s so GOOD and he’s so SOFT. He’s so full of love and passion and he can barely keep it inside and I’m honestly overwhelmed by how much I love this guy. Like, he’s so full of emotion and it’s so clear in his face at any given moment and that’s no weakness, that’s his strength and I just. Ugh. It’s so refreshing and great. Love is stored in the Joe. I wish real life had people like him.

Favorite moment: okay so it’s hard to decide because all his moments are great, but I’m going to go with the moment in which he waits for Nicky to wake up after Keane shoots him. You can see how he can barely keep inside the fear and panic he has when Nicky isn’t waking up, and then, when he does, Joe takes a moment to look aside and exhale before grasping him. Like he physically needed to let it out. I’m not sure if I’m explaining myself properly, but those couple seconds of body language fascinate me.

Unpopular opinion: It is entirely possible that it shows up in some secondary material that I just haven’t seen, in which case I’m dumb and I’m sorry for this, but I don’t think Joe is necessarily a poet? Like don’t get me wrong, I LOVE the idea of poet Joe and I do think he probably has an easier time around words than the rest of the Guard, but I’m not too sure where the idea came from? I think his speech in the ban comes out of the pure, raw love he has for Nicky more than any formal education he might have had about any of it. He’s just that passionate. I mean, not that I think it’s wrong of anything. I just think canon doesn’t give any indication at all about it. (plus comic Joe said something along the lines of ‘brewing the stew of love’ which is the most hilariously unpoetical thing ever lmao).

Favorite relationship: uuuuuhhhhhhhhhhh is it cheating to say Nicky? I’m gonna go with Nicky. I could go on for quite a while about his relationship with Nicky and I’m gonna spare us all having to go through that but I will say that as long as Joe and Nicky are alive the concept of romance just simply cannot die. They singlehandedly keep it alive and flourishing. 100000/10 best love story ever, I accept no criticism.

Favorite headcanon: Joe is a man who is, at any given moment, 110% in control of his own emotions. Like, he’s a emotionally driven man, no doubt about that, but he’s not impulsive in the least. When he was shouting at Booker, it wasn’t impulsive, he was angry as hell and decided to let him know. Then during the escape he shut it off and didn’t let it get in the way of cooperation, then let it out again. It’s like he has a valve on his own emotions that he willingly manipitales when he deems it right. He is very aware of his own emotions and just refuses to repress it for things like, pretending that what Booker did wasn’t that big of a deal, dude knows he’s entitled to be upset about it. Most emotionally mature and stable man on Earth.

Nicky:

First impression: I thought he looked soft and also sort of awkward-looking, but in a good way if that makes sense? tbh I expected him to be a nice character that didn’t get that much depth because he’d stay in the sidelines and only have a handful surface traits.

Impression now: I LOVE how hard it is to pin Nicky down as just this or that part of his personality, the way fandom usually does with characters. He’s soft and kind, but he will stay his ground and not let anyone walk over him. He believes in doing good as the purpose of his life, but he won’t hesitate to commit murder (Gotta wonder how exactly his moral code works). He’s warm and welcoming, but also sort of reserved and not saying much about himself. If you try to shove Nicky into any of the usual fandom archetypes, you’re missing at least half of his character.

Favorite moment: As with Joe, I have a hard time picking up just one single moment, bit I’ll go with the moment he brings up Malta. His whole demeanor while in the lab is fascinating, but I think it’s that particular moment that probably defines Nicky best. They’re in a very though and uncertain situation, and he brings up a fond memory to raise spirits, his own but mostly Joe’s. Idk, I feel like it shows that a) he’s very aware of how other people are feeling/thinking and wants to make it better, and b) he has, at his core, hope (in this specific situation, hope that they’ll make it out, but it relates to his belief that they have a purpose).

Unpopular opinion: I tbh don’t think that time in Malta was a sex thing at all. I in general don’t read them as a particularly sexual couple, but even if they were, I doubt a sex vacation, of any kind, would be something that stands out that much in a relationship this long. Whatever Malta was, it’s a secret between them and I honestly like that.

Favorite relationship: See, this is why I felt like saying Joe’s favorite relationship was Nicky felt like cheating. Because I’m going to answer the exact same thing. I mean, is there any other option, really. Really. The answer is no and we all know it. Anyway. Joe and Nicky lucked out in Immortal roulette and tbh who can blame Booker for being a little bit bitter about it. Anyone would be jealous of such PERFECTION.

Favorite headcanon: Nicky is the most spiritual member of the Guard (Nile is probably on par with him or even more, but she probably has a few years of faith crisis ahead of her). He has a solid belief in purpose and goodness which is much more firm than his original sense of faith, after centuries of questioning it. I also think that while he probably still maintains a somewhat christian view on faith, the years have eroded away specific religions from it. He’s sort of agnostic, but not in a ‘I don’t know if there’s a higher power’ way, but in a ‘I know there’s a higher power, but I don’t care what name it has’ way.

Both

Idea for a story: Okay I’m doing this one like this because it’s literally the same answer for both lmao. Excluding pieces of character exploration and missing scenes and stuff, I’ve got a fic (on semi-hiatus until I finish my exams) about ‘what if instead of speedrun enemy to lovers, they were DUMB and spent like 400 years pining for each other and not seeing the other is in love too’. I’m also lowkey thinking up a Dragon Age AU, which is more of an entire-cast thing that just these two, but of course their storylines in it go inherently together. It’s probably too big a project for me actually carry out lmao. But it’s there in my mind, I have backstories and character classes and everything in the works. Maybe someday.

#kikibluemay #jesus i speak a lot im SORRY #but really thanks so so much for the ask <333333 Im so happy to have a reason to talk about them #Yusuf al Kaysani #Nicolo di Genova #Kaysanova

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goblinconceivable · 3 years ago

Text

oh ffs, i have feels but also head exploded

So basically someone liked a story I wrote a million years ago and mostly forgotten about, and when that happens I often reread the thing. (I can’t be the only one who does that...) Can’t say I’ve thought about Alex/Izzie since I wrote it, couldn’t even tell you when I stopped watching the show, though I think it was before her cancer.

Anyway I infected myself with feels for them again. And I dig the style I was using, 1+1 started a third chapter for funsies and should have stopped there. Because I did some reading and watched some clips and it’s all too much and when that happens I meta.

Usual mishmash, structure desired but no work put into achieving it. Classic brain dump.

Okay, fundamentals first. I am for now ignoring how Izzie/KH left the show. Because they had to exit her somehow and I’m sure Shonda was pissed at her, (or was leaving the door open for her return but I doubt it.) Haven’t seen it, if I needed to I could work it into my conception of their whole arc, but since I’m more critically hung up before that point, not worrying about it.

What’s got me messed up is that RIGHT AFTER Izzie promised to not go crazy, she... went crazy. Like, WTF was that about? I get that GA is all about the soapy drama, that is why I stopped watching. First couple seasons: brilliant. Downhill from there. But two things:

1) We never get to see these two happily together. One hot second and bam.*** Every. Time. Shonda allowed it for Meredith and Derek, but in my brain other couples got it for periods of time at the least. But these two, nope. And know what? THAT WOULD HAVE BEEN FASCINATING TO WATCH. I could delve into this and might swing back around but trying to hit highlights.

2) It set them on two different storylines instead of one. And Izzie got the short stick. Yes I can see how it works on paper, but not on screen. There are limits to the visual medium and limits to how much screen time they were given, which pretty much destroy the ability to nuance something this complex.

a) Izzie’s in her own world dealing with a ghost and is basically in two relationships at once (mental note to look for parallels with Alex’s exit and Jo v Izzie.) Except one’s a dream and the other is a reality that is still developing, yet she can’t give attention to. She has to fight every time to be there for Alex in the real world, and we don’t really get to explore her struggle. It often just looks like distraction and distance and him being second right after she firmly laid out that she cares about him.

b) Alex is in a relationship and is super happy and excited and wants the perfection he’s dreamed about to be real so much he’s overlooking everything that’s off. In his own little dream world I guess, but like, the whole thing skews into this being the story of Alex while Izzie is wandering in circles somewhere over in that direction, all serving the purpose of advancing exploration and development of Alex’s character. When did KH ask to be let out? If it was after this point, Shonda svcks. I mean, it is cool to watch him really blossom, but since he’s doing it under his own steam I’m left with a bad taste in my mouth. Because he’s not really in a real relationship. I want to see him get that, I want to see it for real.

***What IS interesting, I’ll admit, is that when they’re not together, they’re beautiful. Which is most of the time, so they gave me that. I’m a massive fan of the bittersweet, the star crossed, the never-quite-on-the-same-page, the nuance, the “it’s a deeper connection, a deeper love than just romance.” Thank gosh, it is time for excited thoughts. Because there is a strong friendship and mutual reliance and helping each other grow, pushing and giving hard truths and encouragement, and yes romance is woven through this but not the genesis and used more in terms of nudging everything along the path.

I love that Alex basically imprints on Izzie. I love that he loves her the whole time. But he’s willing to step back. He may get jealous and resentful and petty and scared and mean. But those are natural human emotions, Izzie gets them too, and they’re fundamental to his character and through those things he learns and grows. Izzie doesn’t make him. She entices him. Yeah, often directs him, especially at first. But at some point he’s growing on his own, in fits and starts, in reaction to his own emotions.

For example, when Izzie tells him she slept with George, he gets pissed, but also admits why pretty readily. And he tells her the truth, remarkably straightforwards. He reaches out to her a lot. And she turns him aside a lot. And he keeps loving. Even if romance is off the table. He runs after her a lot. Sits next to her when she’s upset a lot. Is understanding a lot. He’s different with her, and look I’m a fangirl, it’s a trope, I swallow bait line and hook. Which should be bait hook and line if my vague understanding of fishing is correct. I fished once, with safety implements, and still cried even as they removed the fish and popped it back into the water. (Okay I just reread to sort out where I’d gotten too and it’s hook line and sinker. Statistically someone will probably read this someday, you have my full permission to laugh at me. Anyway...)

The quintessential moment, the revved to 100, of course being when Izzie is clinging to a dead Denny. They’re all standing around. No one even looks surprised with jilted Alex talks to her. In a really caring way. And this is still fairly early on, wasn’t watching anything but their scenes but this had to be rare sight eh? (Mebbe?) And then he picks her up and sits down holding her and she clings and cries and like symbolism and could essay that but not going to right now because the broad relevant stroke is that Alex loves Izzie selflessly. And this is the pinpoint core of why I can buy his ending, because he can’t NOT love Izzie. I don’t think he even wants to stop. Though he can set it down in his heart and let her go and doesn’t pine. But he never stops loving her and it’s so many kinds of love imperfectly yet perfecly forged.

Forged. But also born. Stars uncrossed. I have emotions without words and if I try I’ll never get out of it to move on, so moving on.

(Oh, George telling Alex to talk to Izzie because she won’t talk to him about whatever it was. Isn’t is crazy that Izzie’s emotional squishy bestie goes to the emotionally stunted bad boy to help her because... it’s an understanding of the two-way Izzie/Alex bond, but also this crazy trust that Alex will show up.)

I love that Izzie isn’t blind to his faults, truly doesn’t like his faults, but has eternal faith for who he is and can be. She always saw him as someone with walls, once she stumbled on a lose stone and got a glimpse inside. She knows. She doesn’t always understand, but she knows.

Slight divergence from that line of thought, but its a great moment when they get together and he’s fairly transparently trying to make sure they’re in a committed relationship by dangling other women in front of her, and she’s a little ticked that he seems to be taking it rudely casually. Probably a bit of insecurity, but I’d say more that she has a long history of not reading him from the perspective of him loving her. Ie, 100% not recognizing that telling him about sleeping with George would hurt him. And doesn’t get it until he comes in and he’s dropped the swagger and it’s a “I know I’m doing something wrong and I don’t know how to do it right so help me” thing.

(Random memories of Sloan/Don from The Newsroom when she’s crying on the floor and Don comes in a sits next to her. I wuvs them too.)

I love that she openly leans on him, when he offers support she takes it. She doesn’t ask why, she accepts it and leans into it and is open to it because she trusts him because she knows him. The bits where she hates him tend to fall out of romantic issues, but when that’s removed from the equation they’re in sync. And the thing is, just as caring is fundamental to Alex’s nature, trust is fundamental to Izzie’s. And those two things weave into each other. Kinda like rats and the food button. When Alex reaches out Izzie she honestly accepts it, a “reward.” So he’s comfortable doing it again, and again. And when she does rebuff him he’s seen rewards come out enough that he doesn’t just scatter. And when Izzie trusts him, he rewards her with gentleness and care. She has the rougher time of it overall, because Alex is more screwed up emotionally, and breaks her trust more often than she rebuffs him, but that’s where Alex’s constant love comes in. But I cannot recall enough critical moments to have a cohesive proof, so I could be a little off base.

In my head Alex has always loved Izzie more than Izzie loves him, but I think my memory was unfair. There is a real constancy to Izzie’s affection, though I don’t think she imprinted on Alex as he did on her. She’s a different person, loves differently, has different issues. But my longstanding impression is mostly because of Denny. Who she truly did love, though the qualities of that love deserve exploration which I will not at this time attempt. And Denny loved her. The whole “side loves along the way” being a trope. Though usually “it ended in death/deathlike state” is given to the man and so THANK YOU SHONDA. Thinking of classics like Jane Eyre and Rebecca though I think both were actually crazypants first wives. And I do think female character’s side guys have a habit of dying, but it tends to feel more like a plot point to shut the door on continued love, whereas Denny remains a part of Izzie’s life.

At any rate, despite superficial similarities, Alex doesn’t hit the trope because his crazypants relationship wasn’t ever really about the woman: yep Alex got Rebecca, and Rebecca was crazypants, and it was a plot point to get him to the crying. Rebecca wasn’t love. It was never love. BUT

She DID, in every way, highlight what needed to be highlighted. 1) That he desperately wants a family. 2) that caring for someone, not just about them, is fundamental to him, (and ties neatly into him caring for Izzie all those sitting on the floor conversations.) and c) it’s not entirely healthy. Which is ALSO why thrusting his new happy relationship with Izzie into caregiver role is insensitive and undermines the relationship because it only makes sense if we got to see them both happy in the relationship first. And then we can see the quality of his caregiving change. But we didn’t. So bugger it.

I do LOVE how they let almost the whole next season play out he fallout of all that. Something taken slowly! We got to explore it. Did feel a bit drawn out tbh. But it just emphasizes the weight of it, I guess. Especially as it was a subplot amongst 100 others. This was their development for the season. Which was mostly Alex. But Izzie’s reactions revealed some things about her as well. Majorly dancing around laying it out for a close look and I don’t know why.

Favourite moment? Maybe Izzie putting her hand on Alex’s chest when he’s freaking out and telling him to stop, he doesn’t need to say any more. Because he’s trying to convince her of something, and she understands. And the trying to convince is shredding him, and she knows that. It’s a very loving and accepting “stop.” She’d already taken charge of the situation, for the good of the patient. She’d already taken charge because she knew Alex couldn’t handle it, he was too deep in something to see clearly. And she’s still in charge. She doesn’t break down and cry for him, or try to comfort him, he’s been thrown back into childhood and PTSD might literally be at play and what he needs, and she understands, is someone he can trust, who’s calm and gentle but strong and solid, to say it’s okay. It’s going to be okay. You don’t have to carry this on your own. We have it now. Because when we’re little and in over our heads what we want and what we need is an adult to take the burden. And still the physical contact is comforting, her tone of voice reassuring. She creates a space where he can feel safe and heard.

Ugh, rewatching, and we’re watching him literally devolve. Stages of grief ya’ll. He’s using every tactic to try and get what he thinks he needs: being able to take care of Rebecca. He’s in denial that anything is wrong. He gets angry when Izzie grabs him, to the point of threatening to hit her (though it’s fighting words and not real threat, and Izzie totally knows that.) He dives into bargaining. She’ll be okay if he can take care of her. He can do it. He tries to convince her it’s true.

By the time he gets home it’s depression. Not just Rebecca, but about his mom. And Izzie approaches him differently. In the hospital it was immediate and she was “in charge,” and needed to be in all facets, but at home, with the situation taken care of, she’s a friend. An equal. Which is what he needs right now. His sticking point later is the crying, so I kinda wonder how he’d react just to having told her about taking care of his mom as a kid. Right at the start he told that kid about his dad, (dad beating up his mom and him beating up his dad) while Izzie was within listening distance and didn’t seem fussed. But it’s ultimately a story about him being manly and protecting his mom physically. Which would be why it’s several seasons in before this crops up - waaay more intimate information. Probably all lumped into one, with the crying as shorthand. And mostly that his past is a fact, it’s his emotions he wants to keep private and deny.

He clearly did try to drown his emotions with sex. I’m not sure it would have worked with a random girl because he’s way too close to crying to do much of anything. And obviously doesn’t work with Izzie because sex is apparently emotional intimacy and I guess comfort for men moreso than women, but it plays out as a desperate attempt to get comfort in a safer way. Bargaining again, I suppose. “Have sex and will be fine tomorrow.” But, as noted, he doesn’t get that far because it’s too heavy and he rather quickly is just sobbing.

Which is a lovely parallel to holding Izzie while she cried on him after Denny died. Though Izzie had no qualms and no massive emotional recoil because emotions and vulnerability are normalized for females Izzie is a particularly emotional person. And an inverse of all the times Izzie is an emotional wreck and Alex sits down besides her and offers her support and understanding.

Could also argue that Izzie just saying “I’m sorry... About Rebecca. And your mom” - it’s an emotionally intimate moment. Of understanding. She’s acknowledging the two situations, and isn’t trying to do anything about them, explain or push or anything else. Just make him feel understood and not alone and sex is the way he can respond to that. How to process that in a way that feels manly to him? Also notably Izzie does seem to be going with it, and it’s aborted because he starts sobbing. And is still saying “Please” which is amazing, because he totally was never asking Izzie to just sleep with him. He wants to make it stop - the pain, emotions, probably reliving memories. But also... stages of grief. He needs to feel it, so he can accept it. He really just needs to cry, and grieve, and not be alone.

And it’s like... this is where their love story feels epic because it would look so different if they didn’t have all the levels and layers of love. Take out the romantic/sexual aspect. Take out the friendship. The trust. The family. Take out anything and this can’t play out.

Who didn’t love moments like Alex explaining to Bernedette Peters that men sometimes need to protect their manliness in the eyes of the woman they love. And they’ll do shit things to protect that manliness, but it’s because they care. Which is obviously idiotic and while romantic on screen is very much not so in real life, but this is fiction so hey ho. It’s such a wonderful foil. Because the situation here was not that Alex took his pain elsewhere to protect Izzie’s opinion, but that Alex completely and for a long time shut Izzie out to protect his manliness, which is entirely counterproductive but the only option he could see. He minimizes his experience as a “bad night.” (I mean, if you remove all the adjectives, he’s not wrong.) He’s protecting his own sense of manliness to himself. He doesn’t like feeling that vulnerable. He let Izzie get too close. He’s afraid. It’s all a tangle. And it pays off when they come back together and he’s willing to be more vulnerable, almost, and then enthusiastically, happy to be.

*But it does reference when he slept with Olivia when he failed his boards. So yeah, he’s done it literally too.

Backing up a step to revisit season 5. And actually they start out close. They’re all out in the cold waiting to greet patients and Alex grabs a blanket for her. He’s not irritated that Izzie keeps asking how he’s doing, just obviously in a bit of personal denial. And they’re totally messing around and lighthearted and look at each other with their heads really close and it begs some questions about the interim, though I guess they just haven’t talked about it deeper than “are you okay.” And per the Izzie/Meredith convo I guess they didn’t continue having sex (probably didn’t have sex that night either). Though the way Izzie looks at him as he leaves, she’s totally concerned that he’s not dealing with it.

Ah yes, forgot - so they just kept his breakdown unremarked upon, the superficial checking in is situational because Rebecca is a fact. They don’t talk about it, it’s fine. Pretending it did not happen. But it’s as soon as Alex thinks Izzie told Meredith about it that it goes pear shaped. It’s funny that his issue is the crying and he’s the one that told Meredith, but thematically Izzie saying “he’s opening up to me” is sorta the same. Also awww that even as she labels them friends, there’s this little glow inside her that they got closer. Emotional intimacy, what’s life without it eh?

So also 100% it’s high on Alex’s mind. That he did it, and so too that Izzie could betray him and tell others. Their relationship is so beautifully fragile in that short interim. It’s this little bubble where he’s okay that he was vulnerable with Izzie because she accepted it and isn’t making a big deal about it. And he does feel super close to her. But he can’t take anyone else seeing him in a non-manly light. For himself, and it works in terms of Izzie too if it’s an inside/outside situation. I’m a bit stuck and going in circles. If Izzie tells, then Izzie isn’t taking it seriously? Doesn’t understand him? I don’t think he’s even angry at her, if he looks weak to others then she’ll come to see him as weak? Halp, stuck.

Also so, I’ve seen it remarked upon that Izzie tends to forgive Alex when she maybe shouldn’t. But part of forgiveness can come from understanding the other person. Doesn’t have to be, especially for little stuff. But for big stuff?

Oh, and so weird but kinda cool that right after that rather self-aware conversation with Peters, he specifically lets Izzy see him with another woman. Were those scenes meant to be inverted? Or is he going into this eyes wide open? Trying to prove something? He’s hurting her though, is it intentional? Because cheating, by nature, is secretive, your person doesn’t know so you’re not hurting them directly, though of course when they find out it blows up. But the intention to wound is not there, it’s an escape. Proving that he’s really fine and back to his old self? They are not sleeping together so this isn’t cheating.

And even after that Izzy just shrugged it off. Popped in to tell him they maybe are getting kicked out, tries to get an apartment with him. She’s holding on to their closeness and friendship, despite him being prickly. And then... he smacks her or whatever they were doing which is back to flirty, and not meaningful but notably guides her out of the elevator before him. Though her barb about STD did hit him. Maybe he was trying to figure out how to stop being rude at her, and her continued friendliness was bufffer space until he could? He does say hello at the end, but who was she talking to about having no one?

It does bring up an interesting insight. It is true bout not something I thought about, that Izzie could be lonely, and actually does get as much out of their relationship as Alex ever did. They are incredibly close. And I think George might be married at this point, and thus no longer her “person”?

And then into the cryptic speak about them, while the father/son organ musical chair thing was happening. He’s looking over his shoulder at her, glances up, unspoken words yadda yadda. Follows her out into the hall when she leaves. The freeze out is shorter than I remember, but look, they kinda always keep communicating because freeze outs do not feel right. And I’ve moved to a blow by blow but Alex is trying to talk profession, and Izzie doublespeaks the “emotionally stunted” and he physically recoils and stutters like “yeah but no, that’s not what we’re talking about” and yet is now there and talking about them too. “Okay, ... I”m trying to be- I am, but this” WHAT is he trying to be/is??? Trying to not be emotionally stunted. Is emotionally stunted (or doubling down on trying?)

This is just such a beautiful conversation. Because Izzie IS emotional and caring but she has a mean backhand. Pettiness, ultimatum, she can smack back as hard as anyone smacks her. And she’s coming from a totally reasonable place, because he’s going hot and cold on her. And you can see that it affects him, and that falls out from that same pattern where he’s trying to tell her somehing and she’s not putting in a ton of effort to figure out what he’s saying, but is focused on her own needs and thoughts. ‘Cuz she’s hearing something like “give it up, you’re not going to get what you want out of me.” And he’s trying to say “I’m afraid I can’t be what you need, because I svck, please don’t make me try and fail.”

And they’re convo through parallels continues, Izzie calls Alex broken and is like “okay I do it your way my caring for you is pointless and it’s all fine.” Dad calls for son while kinda dying. I know they claimed different thought process but didn’t Alex call for Izzie when he was shot? And the payout from the series of exchanges: Alex is yelling at his standin to just step up and show he cares. With a hefty does of potential regret. It’s a 180, hoping that the kid does love his day, as well as getting emotionally invested. His relationship with his father isn’t mentioned, not sure if it’s meant to play into this, because he has previously acknowledged that he regrets losing his father completely.

(But then 10 seconds later she’s going to go crazy and by avoiding treatment it’s kinda like trying to kill herself and just... poor taste writers, poor taste.)

Cue a moment where Izzie knows what he’s trying to say and rewards it.

Enter Izzie being a little obtuse, I know I covered this but ending my personal cannon with them getting together - Alex literally says “are we going steady.” He’s literally saying “you tell me yes or no, and I will do that.” Of course he’s trying to say “I don’t know if you’re serious and I want to be please clarify and reassure” but one of those literal ones should have been enough. But then Izzie does always push him, not always intentionally, to be a little more direct, a little more vulnerable, trust her a little more. And the result is sooooo adorable!

And brings to mind when Izzie was trying to ask him out for the first time. And it went a tiny bit screwy and Alex flips it and asks her out.

There’s just so much awesome. *sobs* And there’s probably awesome in the cancer storyline too but I do not feel I can trust it and also it’s going to run full into Izzie being lame and leaving and all character development out the window? And I DO NOT want to see her trying to come back and Alex saying No. Because what will I see in the middle that gets them there? They always say yes. Eventually. And season 16 when JC is leaving the show is a bit on the long side, even if I ignore the details of the intervening years.

Throwing everything at the wall and maybe I’ll be done with dumping or can at least refine things. It’s the little speech I’ve only read and don’t want to hear bcause not sure how he did his line-read, but when he describes how he imagines Izzie’s life. In how much detail, how much he wants for her, what he knows she’s capable of building. He’s saying it to Jo and I’m uncomfortable with the idea he loves her, even if the letter to her does leak a “love you, in love with Izzie,” and I’m fine with Izzie loving Denny and don’t find it a problem Jo is still alive because I don’t see Alex going back but the thing where if he looks her in the eye he won’t return to Izzie and the kids is upsetting. And it’s just the kids and insta-family which is enticing. I mean, he’s not going to tell wife he’s leaving that he’s always loved his ex in a different way or anything. But he’s also not lying. He does mention to Meredith that he can’t go back to Seattle. He’d stay with Jo then out of... ? Halp. The best I got is he’s currently in a dream and if he goes back to his life, where he was happy, then he’ll lose the dream and it will disappear on him?

Slightly nicer is the elsewhere expressed (Meredith) idea that he’d set Izzie as unreachable. Thus, in line with what he told Jo, he didn’t want to contact her because he didn’t want to make it worse for himself, and his happiness comparison was completely excluding himself from the possibility of being part of Izzie’s life. It’s all happiness of them individually, not together. But yes, he always wanted to reach out, wanted to hear her voice and he never had an excuse? No excuse but curiousity, and that wasn’t enough to take a chance, but this was an excuse and he took it.

And the idea that he knows the right thing is to stay in Seattle, and being with Izzie and the kids is crazy, but it’s what makes him happiest, where he belongs. Meredith’s letter read first, so in that light, he’s overexplaining to Jo. Also exposition. References that conversation about his mental picture of Izzie, which I think was in the context of Jo questioning his feelings for Izzie. It scared him because... ? He focuses on the kids. It’s a little at odds with doing this for him, and a little suddenly ignoring the fact that he’s In Love with Izzie and I guess his mental image for Izzie was also his dream life and he gave it to her. Though where he thought her kids came from is possibly an oversight. Adoption?

Because it makes it sound like he’s torn between new and old love but the old love has is kids and wins. It’s a free pass to perfection. But he imagined a “whole life” for her, which is a massive investment opf time and emotional energy on someone he hasn’t seen in forever. I mean thinking well for an ex is al well and good but this sounds a bit beyond that, where she’s not a part of his life but a part of HIS life, believing she’s okay makes everything okay.

I am also willing to take up arms and claim that “I can’t look you in the eye because I wouldt be able to walk away...” doesn’t mean walk away from Jo, but walk away from Izzie. But that’s kinda tenuous. It just... it sounds like if he sees Jo he won’t be able to leave her, which puts her above Izzie (and even the kids, though he can still be in their lives) and that contradicts other statements, or at least their implications .

Though fair point that there’s a metric of who you’ll give up everything for. Izzie would for Denny. In a sense, I hear Meredith got her back in the Seattle hospital and she declined out of respect for Alex’s feelings. So in a way she gave up her life for Alex. And never reached out to him but did respond when he did. She picked up the phone. Maybe not knowing who it was, or they all kept their own phones. And Alex gave it all up for Izzie+kids. I want to know he’d give it all up for Izzie alone, and the life they could have had.

Or is it that he wouldn’t be able to leave Jo because, as noted to Meredith, it’s the right thing to stay in Seattle. And he’s become a man who does the right thing. And sometimes the right thing isn’t what we truly want, and to get that we have to be selfish. He one perfect thing is in Kansas. And it’s the family. It’s a family with Izzie. And his kids. It’s the whole package. If it wasn’t Izzie, the kids wouldn’t be enough? Also indicates that even with Jo was not exactly where he should be.

I’m also going with “some clues in various directions to satisfy various viewers but really offending most of them because this is all 10 years ago and people are newer viewers or forgot or hated Izzie when she left etc.” But preponderance of evidence leans in favour of this choosing what makes him happiest over what makes him happy.

ETA: he has a life for Izzie in his head because if she’s not happy, he can’t leave her where she is. He sees her as an optimist, the opposite of him and good things happen when you lean in that direction. He imagines her somewhere woody because that’s where they lived when they were married.

ETA2: Izzie didn’t notice Alex wanted to be exclusive. Because Izzie sees the good in him, but she doesn’t try to justify or explain things. She takes him at face value (mostly, she knows superficial crabbiness is just an unpleasant personality trait.) Until/unless she has very good evidence to he contrary. And THAT is why he has to take an active role and go to her. He does have to work for the relationship.

(Briefly skipped to a scene in season 6 (avoiding that season) and he actually says “I can’t be your nurse” which is so much character growth. Because I was afraid he’d gone full out into caregiver mode, which is not healthy for either of them. He’s protecting himself, but also pushing her to face up.)

CODAS

Watched Alex calling for/hallucinating Izzie when shot. Maybe it’s a Miranda thing? After freaking out right after she died, about how he can’t live without her, his breakup speech was essentially about how he realized he could survive without her. He doesn’t need her like that. And he was really hurt by the really shitty thing she did, leaving him. Thus valid conclusion that they should part ways and he’s not caught in the love/hate. But at some point after that, per hallucination conversation, he really wants her to... come back for him. To love him enough to not be able to stay away and come back for him it’s funny because the best way for her to love him was the respect his wishes and not come back. I mean she doesn’t even say anything after he asks that.

Interesting point “we married...” It’s a promise. He starts with “I’m sorry.” His breakup speech to her - rehearsed? He’s speaking from love and hate all blended and I think he’s a lot more honest and self aware, and he’s almost always been honest with Izzie. So his dying speech was also fear based? He’s scared, he’s in shock, like, physical shock. To when is his mind taking him? It’s natural to have regrets after a painful but necessary breakup. It’s been months but that’s still recent enough. So on the whole, inconclusive except yeah, he isn’t over her, but he admits during their breakup that he loves her “so much.”

Also love his “frozen together in time... and now we’re not.” They’ve both grown and changed, and so has their relationship, but there connection hasn’t. That hasn’t changed.

So back to his Izzie speech, which is meaningful intentionally as in 300th episode, where years later he was wondering still about her, enough to create a good life for her. A happy, rich and full life. He imagines it clearly and deeply enough to add smell to it. Smell is heavily linked to memory and emotion.

As happy as he is with Jo. Maybe it’s contentment? Something missing for each of them but not something he consciously knows? Meh. Back to frozen. He has an image, a full rich image of her and her life. It’s immersive but static, a snapshot. And the him who looks at that snapshot is the same him over time.

Letter to Meredith. “It’s about me.” Which is sorta back to breakup speech. It was about him, ending the relationship. He didn’t deserve to be left. And this is about him, not leaving Izzie+kids. There’s movement and beauty in this.

Meredith/Alex talking true love. So I’m torn. Jo refused his proposal, and the question is if you only get one true love. Did he think Jo was a true love, and if she refuses him it’s not? Or is he hoping that true love happens after they’re married? Given the constancy of his love for Izzie, from fairly early on, even if he didn’t call it that at the time I’m pretty sure it’s indisputedly much earlier than marriage, and she turned him down all the time, which would forestall true love worse, right? Can’t say as I’m not watching any Jo/Alex, cannot will not no need don’t gotta.

#alex x izzie #grey's anatomy #brain dump #meta #why couldn't i just leave well enough alone #and mess around with a vignette for funsies and a writing exercise #and not actually look at canon #because now i have feels #and am confused #and there are barriers to my feels #but it's okay i will live in my own little AU #and remember and know more than i did #given it was many many many years ago #i mean over 13 #right after season 4 started #izzex

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pixelgrotto · 4 years ago

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Night City, I barely remember ya

I beat Cyberpunk 2077 last month, and honestly, I haven’t thought about Cyberpunk 2077 that much since.

It wasn’t supposed to be like this. CD Projekt Red’s follow-up to The Witcher 3 was meant to be the sort of game that would stick in your mind after completion. It was promoted over eight years of hype stemming from its initial 2013 reveal as a example of CD Projekt’s infamous “vodka and Slavic magic” - a behemoth destined to change open world RPGs forever. But in the roughly 12 weeks since its release, the stuff that’s happened to Cyberpunk 2077, including its delisting from the Playstation store for being chock full of bugs and the theft of its source code by hackers, has been more cyberpunk than the actual game.

I was one of those people super hyped for this game when it was first announced. I mean, the Witcher franchise left an indelible impression on me; how could I not be psyched to see its devs tackle one of my favorite sci-fi genres? But my hype deflated over the years, largely due to tales of terrible crunch emerging from CD Projekt’s studios and social media marketing that was ill-advised at best and transphobic at worst. Everything seemed to slowly hint that the game’s vision of “cyberpunk” - a genre that can tell incredible futuristic tales of social upheaval and marginalized peoples - would be mostly style with not so much substance.

Despite me keeping my fingers crossed, the end product is pretty much what I feared - and I guess I should’ve known, since the official sourcebook for Cyberpunk 2020, the tabletop RPG that CD Projekt Red used as inspiration, actually lists “style over substance” as one of its rules.

Cyberpunk 2077’s main story revolves around a merc who dreams of big time heists in Night City named V. After a heist goes south, V ends up absorbing a biochip made by big bad corporation Arasaka that features the captured personality of rockstar-turned-terrorist Johnny Silverhand, played by Keanu Reeves - who, to be fair, does a good job with the material he’s given. Cue a bunch of quests that revolve around V and Johnny coming to terms with each other, taking down Arasaka and figuring out how to separate the chip from V’s brain.

In theory, this sounds like a cool way to explore the very cyberpunk themes of identity and what it means to have a corrupt company preserve a human soul beyond its organic shell. In reality, though, the story’s a surface level examination of these concepts, and Johnny Silverhand remains a massive dick throughout most of the game, only becoming relatable if players give him the benefit of the doubt - which they’re expected to do because he’s played by Keanu Reeves.

Johnny’s animosity towards Arasaka is also never completely outlined. He - and most other characters in Night City - keep telling V that corporations are awful because they disregard human rights and destroy the environment, but we never get many chances to see for ourselves how Arasaka and similar companies, like Militech or Kang Tao, actually do this. Arasaka does kidnap Johnny’s ex-girlfriend and is behind the tech that transfers his soul to a biochip, yes, but Johnny also threatens to destroy them at all of his shows and eventually sets off a bomb in their headquarters. Not that I’m siding with the corporation, but for much of the game we’re expected to treat them as the number one enemy simply because other characters say so, which is very much a “show, don’t tell” missed opportunity. If anything, Arasaka’s portrayal feels more like a vestige of the cyberpunk genre’s unfortunate maturation during the 1980s, where the fear of Japanese conglomerates taking over the world was common and a future where Asian companies were all-powerful instead of Western ones seemed like a dystopia.

Cyberpunk 2077 is very much caught in that yesteryear mold, featuring elements that might have been progressive in the 1980s but seem passé now. For a game that relied on questionable representation of trans people in its marketing, there were no notable trans NPCs that I came across, and even though there’s a robust character creation system where you actually can make a trans person, the game makes the troubling decision to only offer binary pronouns tied to V’s voice. Despite the fact that many of the best modern cyperbunk works deal with body augmentation and the line between man and machine, most of the physical modifications you can pay for at Night City’s “ripperdoc” facilities are niche features that only offer minimal stat boosts, with only two major ones that I know of - the mantis blades and gorilla arms - actually causing extensive changes to V’s looks. And finally, while there are tons of characters of color in the game, ranging from the Haitian Voodoo Boys gang to V’s “friendly ethnic friend™” Jackie Welles, most of them are varying degrees of stereotypical. For instance, Goro Takemura, an ex-Arasaka employee, sends you text messages reminiscent of haiku at one point because he’s Japanese and has to talk like a formal, honorable samurai or something.

If you’re able to look past these issues - along with the myriad of bugs that Cyberpunk 2077 shipped with - there’s still the niggling feeling that this game could have been so much more. The signs of a troubled development process are numerous, and there are Reddit threads packed with still-visible remnants - like useless combat skill perks and an entire metro system - that were part of gameplay elements gutted at some point in order for those overworked CD Projekt Red programmers to make a long-delayed release date. Even mainstay stuff in the open world genre - like the police chases common in the Grand Theft Autos - are absent, and Cyberpunk 2077’s 2018 demo, chock full of promised features that never made it into the final product, has to be one of the most notorious bits of smoke ‘n mirrors “gameplay” in recent memory.

Perhaps most bothersome is the feeling that a lot of your choices don’t seem to matter all that much in Cyberpunk 2077, which once touted itself as “a full-fledged RPG, not a shooter with RPG elements,” but ends up feeling more like the latter than the former. The game’s three different lifepaths - nomad, streetkid and corpo - only amount to about thirty minutes of unique playtime at the start and a few different dialogue options. The vehicle combat sequences that punctuate key missions are largely scripted, looking cool but offering little consequences depending on what V aims at. The side quests I encountered had minimal branching paths, and the only time the main story opened up to offer some real choice was in the game’s final chapter. Considering that CD Projekt once developed The Witcher 2 - a 2011 game that branches dramatically at its halfway mark to the point where a lot of folks insist that you need to play it twice in order to feel satisfied - Cyberpunk 2077 feels like a step back.

And yet, despite all of these criticisms, I still put nearly 80 hours into the game over the course of December, January and February. You don’t do that for something that’s patently unfun, so let me be clear - there is an entertaining experience buried beneath an avalanche of unfulfilled potential here. Driving on my Akira-esque bike through Night City’s slums as the game’s best song bumped on the radio, taking out legions of baddies with my mantis blades and relishing in the game’s extensive photo mode (as you can probably tell by my screenshots above) was a good time. In spite of his assholery, I did feel something akin to attachment for that bastard Johnny Silverhand by the finale, and there were a few key moments - like when I was scuba diving in the ocean with my girlfriend Judy, looking at the remains of a town destroyed by the land seizing machinations of corporations - that felt like this game had something to say beyond “bang bang gunplay and neon aesthetic.”

But at the end of the day, while I do feel moderately interested in someday checking out Cyberpunk Red (the newest iteration of this franchise’s tabletop RPG), CD Projekt’s seven-year-hyped-up behemoth has largely faded from my brain one month after beating it. On Twitter, I’ve seen Cyberpunk 2077 described as something akin to a flashy Netflix series with lots of fanfare and flair but not much else - and I can’t really argue with that statement.

Night City was supposed to be the stuff of a long-term relationship. Instead, it feels more like a fling.

#pixel grotto #now playing #cyberpunk 2077 #cyberpunk #cd projekt red

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strangertheory · 4 years ago

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you bylers are so stupid el isnt will why do you bylers want to make el will shes a girl and shes dating mike get used to it!

If I understood your Ask correctly, I believe that you are referring to the theory that I consider to be the most likely explanation for what is going on in the series: that Stranger Things is about a DID System, that Will is a host in the System, and that El is an alter.

I will attempt to address the questions implied by your Ask one at a time. I know that you might not be especially interested in a longer explanation or response and you were probably just venting and feeling frustrated by some ideas that I've written about on my blog, but I actually really respect some of the questions that you've implied with your statement and I feel like it would be good to talk about them.

To answer the first part of your statement: Yes, I know that El is not Will. And when I discuss the theory that I think that Will is a host in a DID System I still assert that El is very much her own person. But yes, I theorize that she is an alter within the same DID System as Will.

"El is her own person. With her own free will!"

- Nancy Wheeler, Stranger Things 3

When someone has dissociative identity disorder and has alters: each different state of consciousness, or alter, is a very different individual and their own person. Treating them as being "the same person" is incorrect.

I understand that DID is a very complex condition and I respect that it takes time to learn about and understand. I want to acknowledge that I do not see myself as an expert on the topic and I get nervous discussing this theory sometimes because I don't want to misrepresent DID but I also think that, assuming that this theory is correct and that Stranger Things is indeed intended to be about a DID System, as someone watching the series I want to attempt to learn more about DID and the correct terminology and the diversity of experiences that DID Systems have in the real world and to not allow my understanding of DID to be limited to a fictionalized representation of it in a Netflix series. I do my best to learn what I can on my own. (I don’t think it’s appropriate to limit my understanding of a condition that real people experience to what I see portrayed in a scifi horror series on Netflix. There’s already a lot of misrepresentation of DID in the media.)

Now. There are two hypotheticals that I have considered regarding the theory that Stranger Things is about a DID System.

On the one hand there is the theory that Stranger Things is about a DID System whose alters have supernaturally become flesh-and-blood in the external world and that the DID System’s internal worlds have also escaped the mind as well (ex. The Upside Down, “Russia,” etc.) This is the concept that @kaypeace21 's current theory follows: that Will has powers and there are characters with powers in the Stranger Things universe.

On the other hand there is an alternate interpretation, which I sometimes consider to be a possibility, which is that Stranger Things is a story about a DID System written from the perspective of the alters and that what we see in the show is sometimes (but not always) taking place within internal worlds or altered perceptions of the external world, or perhaps certain scenes are not happening in real-time but are memories being recounted by an imaginative writer (each episode is titled as a “Chapter”) in a story format. Characters could be telling a story of “what happened” and looking back in time from the present into the past (perhaps explaining the Back to the Future references and implications.) In this hypothetical there are no supernatural elements, the fantastical scenarios in the story are interpreted as mostly psychological, and each alter in the DID System is portrayed by a different actor because they are being represented as they see themselves in the internal world of the mind and are not portrayed as all looking the same as their body does in the external world. (Yes, this makes things complicated and intended to be interpreted in a less literal manner.)

I do sometimes consider the latter theory: that Stranger Things's supernatural events are psychological in nature and many scenes take place from alters' perspectives or from within internal worlds and are sometimes memories or ideas and not always literal. And since I do consider the possibility that this is the scenario of the story: yes, I do sometimes theorize that the alters are actually sharing one body (just like with real-world DID) in spite of them being creatively represented on screen in the show as being separate characters. So, yes: I have considered the possibility that Will and El share the same body when in the external world but that they are portrayed by different actors in the show to reinforce the concept that they are each unique individuals. I do have an explanation for this alternate interpretation of the series that I can summarize in a different post someday, but I’ll admit there’s still some holes in this interpretation and that it might simply be easiest to assume that everything came to life and is real and that the supernatural elements are actually real within the Stranger Things universe.

But to return to your second point in your Ask: yes, I am in full agreement that El is a girl. Absolutely. El is a young teenage girl.

I haven't explored discussing body dysmorphia and gender identity within the context of dissociative identity disorder on my blog because they are both topics that I do not have a lot of personal experience with plus the way that they are experienced by DID Systems is unique from the way that they are experienced by singular people with only one state of consciousness and identity, but from what I understand alters in DID Systems will often experience varying degrees of body dysmorphia when fronting and some may consider themselves trans but that's entirely dependent on how each alter and DID System chooses to communicate who they are. Since I'm neither multiple nor trans myself, all I feel comfortable saying is: just like any person, an alter has their own sense of who they are and will communicate that to you and it's surely most appropriate to respect what they tell you. When someone tells you who they are and how they prefer that you refer to them: respect what they tell you. Always.

So. To return to your Ask: no, I'm not trying to make El into Will. At all. Alters are different individuals with different experiences and feelings and identities and should be respected as such.

And, as I've mentioned in other posts: I know that this is ultimately just a theory. An educated guess. A hypothesis. I recognize that this interpretation of what is going on in Stranger Things might be incorrect. But I do think that a lot of evidence points to this being the intended concept behind the series.

I personally go back and forth between whether I favor @kaypeace21 's hypothesis that everything became real in the real world and Will has supernatural powers, or whether I think it's all psychological. (But I do tend to share a good majority of her interpretations of the series and many aspects of her theories compared to most of the fandom, I suspect. I think she's got some keen observations that are worth considering.)

For anyone interested in reading more about the general theory that Stranger Things is about a DID System I recommend checking out @kaypeace21‘s blogpost regarding which characters she theorizes might be alters which is incredibly detailed and thorough, and I recently wrote a very small and much-less detailed blogpost explaining why I think that Chief Jim Hopper (like El) is a gatekeeper alter in the DID System.

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hookedonapirate · 5 years ago

Text

Accidentally on Purpose

Summary: They shared one incredible night together five months ago, and after she disappeared from his life without a trace, except for the intoxicating scent on her pillow, he never thought he'd see her again.

That is until his colleague, David, sets him up on a blind date with his sister.

When fate brings them together again, she's full of surprises. Two to be exact.

A/N: This is something I've been working on, but I have no idea what inspired me to write this, it's just a concept I've been wanting to write that popped into my head quite randomly. This will most likely be a 2 or 3 parter, depending on the muse. She holds the reins here, I just do what she tells me to do lol.

Thank you @onceuponaprincessworld for looking it over and for your feedback!!!

Also on: Ao3 I FF.N

Rated: M

Part 1

“Just because you’re pregnant, doesn’t mean you can't have a little fun.”

Emma rolls her eyes. It's her fault they're having this conversation though. “Yeah, except you’re forgetting an important part of the equation—I need a man in order to have that kind of fun.” She never should've confessed to her sister-in-law she's been feeling erotically charged lately. “No one wants to bang a pregnant woman.”

Though the crafty woman pretty much figured it out on her own, Emma didn’t need to confirm Mary Margaret’s suspicions. Even if she was spot on. She caught Emma flirting with a bald man at the grocery store, which according to Mary Margaret, was a dead giveaway. Not only did Emma rarely, if ever, flirt with random strangers, but also, the guy wasn’t even her type. He wasn’t attractive, which didn’t really matter to Emma in the first place, and she's not against men being bald, but Emma enjoys a full head of hair on a guy, something she can yank on and pull while he’s thrusting into her. And that day she was even considering settling on the idea of using his ears as something to grab onto, but as Mary Margaret pointed out after having to drag her ass out of the grocery store, the man was very creepy, which further lessened his overall appeal. Having gone through a pregnancy of her own before giving birth to Leo, Mary Margaret knew all the stages; she knew the telltale signs of a horny, pregnant woman. And Emma’s been displaying most, if not all of them.

During her first trimester she never would’ve imagined she'd be horny during pregnancy, never would've thought it was possible. She felt miserable for three goddamn months; she was constantly exhausted and nauseous and rushing to the bathroom to vomit. So perhaps Emma’s unpleasant experience has made her second trimester all the better. Perhaps it’s the reason she’s feeling so wanton lately. She doesn’t feel shitty; she has this sudden burst of energy and wants to enjoy this golden time of her pregnancy before the last few grueling months creep up on her, before she’s feeling uncomfortable and constantly drained once again.

A conspiratory smile crawls over Mary Margaret’s lips.

Crap.

Whatever’s brewing in that dirty little mind of her sister-in-law's cannot possibly be good. She appears to be innocent, but Emma knows her more than anyone, well except David. She knows when Mary Margeret’s conspiring something, and it rarely leads to something good, or at least something Emma approves of. “There is this one guy David works with at the office... he might be interested.”

Ha, she knew it! She knew Mary Margaret had something up her sleeve, and now she’s involving her brother too? This isn't good. Far from it.

She doesn’t even want to think about her sister-in-law having a discussion with her brother about how horny and desperate she is. There is no fucking way Emma is going through with this.

“What’s that supposed to mean? Does he have some sort of fetish for pregnant women?” The thought of this guy having said fetish intrigues her though if she’s being honest. Emma’s not looking for a long-term relationship, she just wants to have one satisfying night with her legs wrapped around a man as he drives into her, or as she rides him, seeing as she’s too far along to lie on her back during sex. That’s another reason why hooking up during her pregnancy is a terrible idea. It’s not sexy. There are only so many positions Emma can engage in and only so much energy she will have for any sexual encounters she may have. An all-nighter is definitely out of the question.

“No,” Mary Margaret screeches, and then further ponders Emma’s question. “At least, not that I’m aware of. I just meant he’s a gentleman. He didn't even want to go through with this in the first place—”

“Oh great, that makes me feel so much better,” Emma snaps with a frustrated sigh. Wait. Emma mulls over her statement. He didn't want to through with this? What the hell? Emma's eyes shoot daggers at her sister-in-law. “Wait a minute, you told him about me? You told him I was horny and pregnant?!”

“No, of course not!” Margaret Margaret argues defensively, placing her hands on her hips. “I wasn't finished. He’s not looking for a casual hookup, he had an unpleasant experience that completely rattled him. In fact, he’s still not over it, but he agreed to go on a date with you because we told him what a great person you are and that you just needed to get out and have a relaxing evening with a good man.”

A shiver jolts down Emma’s spine. She doesn’t feel like a great person, quite the opposite actually. She had the chance to let a good man into her life. But she was too scared and blew it. She was too scared of being wrong about him, like how she was wrong about Neal.

The night she conceived the twins, she'd witnessed traces of something that could’ve developed into something good. Really good. If only she’d been willing to take the next step. The right step, of course. Because while she did take a step—she took many steps that night—she stepped right out the door of the motel room. She hadn't told him because she'd been embarrassed about it, but she lives with her brother and sister-in-law, so there was no way she was bringing over a man to have sex with him in her room. Even if she were that desperate, her room was in chaos at the time because she was still in the process of unpacking. And he was staying with a friend at the time, so they agreed to just get a motel. When she missed her period and discovered she was pregnant, even if she wanted to tell him, she didn’t even know how to contact him.

They hadn’t even exchanged names that night. And she's regretted it every day since then. She regrets it because she can't stop thinking about him and really wants to see if her intuition was correct. She wants to see if they really could've had something good. If she's being honest with herself, she wants someone she can start a family with; she's tired of living in her brother's guestroom. At least now she has the twins. She always knew she'd have children someday, she just always pictured herself adopting like David's mother had adopted her and got her out of those foster homes. She didn't think she would get pregnant after a one-night stand with a random stranger she met at the bar. He bought her a drink, and the second her eyes met with his intense blue ones from across the room, she knew she was doomed. And she was right. They had an instant connection, and the chemistry between them was off the charts. She went to a motel with him for a good fuck, a really good fuck. But that was all she was looking for at the time—all she was capable of—and he’d been willing to give that to her no matter how much she knew he wanted more.

Fortunately, she woke up before he did, when the last vestiges of the night were evident through the window, and she ran.

When it came to relationships, short, lighthearted flings were her modus operandi, but one-night stands were rare. After what happened with Neal, she barricaded her heart and became reluctant to trust people. She typically needed time and many dates to trust a man enough to share her body with. But, all work and no play had drained her energy and sanity and made her cranky. Being a bail bonds person was a full-time job; she hadn’t even taken a vacation after she moved from Boston to Storybrooke. And with this complete stranger, it took no time at all for her to realize he would be a generous lover and would treat her with respect. More than that, she knew he would make her feel good. And her instincts had proven spot on. He made her feel incredible.

She could still feel his touch on her skin days later, she could still taste his kiss and feel his lips on her skin when he’d explored every inch of her body, every curve, every nook and cranny, leaving nothing untouched or unexplored. She felt the satisfying ache in her core from when he drove into her so rough and so deep, his sizable length fitting her so perfectly like a lock and the matching key. The images from that night still haunt her to this day; she swells and flushes every time he invades her thoughts. But she knew running away was best. Or so she thought.

Even before she missed her period, she kept hoping fate would somehow bring him in her life again, but it hasn't happened yet. She doubts it ever will. Now more than ever, she wishes she’d at least gotten his name. She doesn't even know the name of her babies’ father! How fucked up is that? At least she knows without a doubt he’s the father. Had she slept with anyone else within that two-week timeframe, she could’ve been on one of those tv shows Mary Margeret watches, like Maury, where the mother doesn't know who the father of her child is among several men. Emma knows very much who the father is, considering he’s the first guy she’s slept with in a year, and the last guy she slept with. So yeah, she knows he’s the father. She just doesn’t know him.

And every day that passes, every day she carries these tiny babies in her womb knowing the father has no clue he created them with her, is just another day she carries around this guilt. Not for getting pregnant, but because the twins will never get the chance to grow up knowing their father. Her little ducklings will never have those precious moments with him, and it’s all her fault. She deprived her babies of that the night she walked out of the room. She deprived him of the chance to know his children. That regret will haunt her and harbor inside her until its poisonous venom creeps through her blood and completely consumes her. She’ll carry around this guilt for the rest of her life.

~*~

Killian is a nervous wreck as he pulls in front of the restaurant, dragging a hand through his hair for the hundredth time, wondering why he agreed to this. Well, he knows why he agreed; he was promised he’d meet a beautiful, feisty woman who needed a good man in her life. He was a willing participant, don't get him wrong, but the pressure of it all is making him sweat under his suit jacket and dress shirt. The pressure of not screwing this up, of not doing anything that might award him with a fist in the face from his date's brother.

David said he didn’t normally set his sister up on dates. He was usually against her dating anyone, let alone a man she didn’t even know, but since his wife, Mary Margaret, was on a mission to set her up, he needed to have a say in the selection process. And if his kid sister was going out with anyone, who better than his good friend and trusted colleague? Killian had never met the sister; she lived in Boston until over five months ago when she moved into her brother’s guestroom in Storybrooke for a fresh start. Killian didn’t receive many of the details of why she left, he only knew it was time for her to leave Boston and return to her hometown. He’s really surprised he hasn’t met her yet, but David says she works a lot and is rarely at home. She’s a bail bonds person, always tracking down her next mark. Well, she was until she became too pregnant to chase her marks. Now she has a desk job at the station, or so he’s been told.

Killian takes a moment for his nerves to calm a bit before he grabs the red rose from the passenger seat and gets out of the car.

Some say it's odd to take a pregnant woman on a first date, but why? Because she might have mood swings? Killian has found pregnant women to be exquisite, not only because they’re carrying around a growing, breathing human being inside them, but because he loves when a mother-to-be puts her hands on her belly and speaks to her baby in a gentle, motherly tone. And if she’s not in a pleasant mood, what with hormones, aches and pains and generally feeling unpleasant, well there are many ways to help her feel better. It would just give him an excuse to take more care of her and pamper her. Not that he’d need one of course, but generally women are stubborn in that way. They don’t like to be treated like damsels in distress, they like to do things themselves, take care of themselves. Killian likes to remind any woman he's with it's okay for her to be spoiled once in a while, and if it were up to him, he would spoil her all the time.

So when David told him his sister was pregnant with twins, he was not at all deterred from going on this date, he's just wondering what happened to the father. He has no idea, but he didn’t want to stick his nose where it didn’t belong. He's actually honored to go on a date with her. And he plans on showing her the gentleman she deserves.

He doesn't realize exactly how nervous he is though until he's about to walk inside the restaurant and meet the sister David went on and on about. It's been far too long since he's been on an actual date, which doesn't really help with his anxiety. He adjusts his tie and pauses at the door to take a deep, shaky before pulling the door open.

Here goes nothing.

~*~

Emma’s going to kill her sister-in-law.

But then she’d have to explain to her brother what happened to his wife, and she’d have to explain to Leo what happened to his mother. They’d never forgive her, so she supposes she won’t, but for goodness sake, why did Mary Margaret set her up on this blind date?!

Emma's sitting at the bar in this fancy Italian restaurant, staring at the drink menu, wondering if her date would be bothered if she ordered water.

She sighs and sets down the menu. She never should’ve agreed to this.

Despite Emma's best efforts, Mary Margaret had talked her into it. And she’s completely terrified. Terrified of what this man might think of her for being a soon to be single mom after a very irresponsible one-night stand, she wonders how he’d think she looks naked if it even got that far. Terrified he’d regret sleeping with a pregnant woman. Terrified he’d think she was a lousy lay. It terrifies her so much, it’s depressing. But in the end, the possibility of forgetting everything for a night, of getting caught up in a night of passion is too appealing for Emma to pass up. She almost feels selfish for going through with this, but it’s not like she would be the only one deriving pleasure from this; she would make sure he was satisfied as well. Plus, he's getting sex with no strings, so she can't feel too bad for the guy. “She was just using me for sex and I fucking hated it,” said no guy ever.

She places a hand on her belly, rubbing her palm over the soft fabric of her dress in soothing circles. “Why am I doing this again?” she mumbles softly at her belly as if the twins could hear her or even supply her with an answer or some words of encouragement.

Emma hates dating in general. She hates wondering whether the guy will like her. She hates having to dress up and think of something interesting to talk about. She hates having to behave in a certain way, wondering how the guy truly acts when he’s not trying to impress a woman. Because no one shows their true colors on a first date.

Dating is like interviewing for a job. Whether you’re a suitable match doesn’t matter, it’s all about how you sell yourself. You may not be completely qualified or good enough, but if you can convince the other person you are, then chances are, they’re none the wiser until it’s too late. Until they’re far too invested in the relationship to care or do anything about it. Dating is all about how much you can trick the other person into falling in love with you. And if you’re not looking for love, it’s about tricking the other person into having sex with you.

Has she mentioned she hates dating?

What’s worse is going on a blind date where you don’t even know the person beforehand and worse yet, she hates going on a blind date while she's five months pregnant. So why she agreed to this, she has no clue.

Her mind goes back to the conversation she had with Mary Margaret before she left for this stupid fancy restaurant.

“Most dates that begin at a fancy restaurant almost always end in a hotel room.”

“A bar works just fine,” Emma mumbles, suppressing a smirk. Though it wasn't exactly a hotel, it was a motel.

“What's that?” Mary Margaret asks, looking up from zipping the back of Emma's dress.

“Nothing,” Emma shakes her head, trying to stay calm as she studies herself in the mirror, seconds away from calling this entire thing off. She looks like a blue whale. “I may be pregnant and horny as fuck, but I'm not going back to a hotel with this guy. I don't even know him.” Which is a lame excuse considering she didn't know the guy who’d knocked her up. She didn't even know his name. Which is very unfortunate because when her twins eventually grow up and ask their mom who their father is, Emma won't even have a name to supply them with, only a face to describe. A very handsome face, but still only a face. “I’m only doing this because I don’t want to hurt the guy's feelings. I'm not sleeping with him on the first date.”

Mary Margaret laughs.

Emma arches a brow at her sister-in-law's reflection in the mirror.

“That's what I said before my first date with your brother. But things definitely did not happen the way I planned. He ended up charming the pants right off me.”

Emma groans at her sister-in-law, her nose wrinkled in disgust. "I so did not need to know that. Besides, that was different. You weren't five months pregnant, or pregnant with twins! David wasn't going on a date with a blue whale!"

Mary Margaret scolds her for saying those things and places a hand on Emma’s shoulder urging her to turn toward her. When Emma faces her begrudgingly, Mary Margaret cups her cheeks in her palms. “One, you are not a whale, you are a beautiful and glowing mother to be, and two,” she smirks, “don’t worry, you'll thank me later.”

Emma rolls her eyes and walks away. “I doubt it.”

~*~

Killian tells the maitre d’ he’s meeting someone here and gives her his date’s name before he’s led to the bar.

He swallows the large lump in his throat when he sees the woman David described as his sister. She’s sitting at the bar, her long, golden hair pulled into a ponytail, and she’s wearing a black dress, her fingers curled around the glass of clear liquid on the bar top, which he assumes is water. He pulls the rose in front of him, donning his best, charming smile.

“Emma?”

“That’s me,” she replies and grabs her purse before rising from the stool, still holding the glass.

When she turns around, his heart actually stops beating, his mouth falls open and he blinks to make sure he’s not dreaming. He almost drops the rose in his hand.

Bloody hell. It's her.

He can tell she’s equally shocked as she places her hand on her protruding belly, staring at him like a deer in headlights.

“You’re Emma?” he asks again, still not believing his eyes or his luck. He never thought he'd see her again.

She nods, barely.

Then he whispers faintly, “I’m Killian.”

#cs ff #captain swan #accidentally on purpose #my fic

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utilitycaster · 4 years ago

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There are a few occultist and witch homebrews out there I think, though Emily tweeted that she wasn't comfortable playing a homebrew because some people tended to over-scrutinize her class choices. A witch/herbalist subclass really does sound perfect though and I'd love to play it someday. Please do share it once you're happy with where it's at

Yeah, I also tend to shy away from homebrew classes, just because I don’t know this random person and also I tend to hew pretty close to rules as written. To be honest I have to take Unearthed Arcana as case by case because some things are really cool and fairly well realized (like circle of spores) and some just strike me as a great concept but might need work (that wizard subclass based on the concept of true names appeals to my love of fantasy literature tropes and my vague recollections of enjoying The Kingkiller Chronicles like 6 years ago but it doesn’t totally fit within the typical D&D setting) and then some things are mystics.

I am firmly of the belief that people, and especially women, in actual play should do what they want because misogynists gonna misogyny no matter what so may as well do what makes you happy, but I also am not a semi-public figure, and I can understand wanting to at least shut down one avenue of criticism. And I love a level or two of cleric + arcane casting classes plus I am dying to see a dunamancy wizard PC in action so I wouldn’t trade Fia’s build for a homebrew.

It’s possibly going to be a while until I play this as an NPC, just because I’m pretty sure my players are going to choose to go to the nearest city rather than explore the more forested and witchy northern regions, but I am doing some campaign planning today so I think I’ll flesh it out a bit. I might make a handful of changes to the Circle of the Land abilities we’re taking to make it more flexible (I want the option of a more urban witch should people so choose) and I think I will restrict the druid spell options just because it might get extremely OP to have both the druid and wizard spell list in full even with the built-in wizard spell learning limits, but that’s the essence of it.

(also for what it’s worth my go-to for homebrewing subclasses is exactly this, which is to take an ability from one subclass and give it to another, much like how Beverly was for a while sort of a half Oath of the Ancients/half Vengeance paladin.)

#naddpod #d&d #dungeons & dragons #Anonymous

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marawrder · 5 years ago

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in this post i will be laying out all information regarding sirius’ romantic orientation, experience with and general stance towards romance. i will also take position in regards to popular ship dynamics and general pointers on shipping with this muse.

too long; don’t wanna read: sirius is aromantic, wolfstar ehhh perhaps BUT!, and i don’t really plan on romantically shipping him with anyone. sorry!

romantic orientation sirius is grey aromantic, but on the furthest side of the spectrum. in his canon time-line, he wouldn’t and doesn’t fall in love. for him to do so, it’d require an incredibly close bond, and if there’s ever a person who reaches that the level of closeness and trust it needs to be up there with the bond he has with james. it doesn’t have to be as soulmate-y, james and sirius really are on the exact same wavelength, but just as open and codependent, sort of. the problem is: in his main verse, sirius would never ever have let anyone as close to him as james, because of the circumstances and because he doesn’t want to. that’s why james would be the only person he could theoretically develop feelings for. which he doesn’t because that is his brother. experience the only experience sirius has with romance is therefore from seeing it between others. he didn’t exactly grow up in a loving household, but that is not to claim that orion and walburga didn’t love each other. sirius just didn’t see it, and especially when he got to an age where falling in love is something more people think about, he was already getting estranged from his parents and, partially out of spite, thought of them to be unable to feel love in the first place. but sirius doesn’t get it, at least not in the way his friends talk about it. this is not just because of his orientation, but sirius, in general, is oftentimes very oblivious to other people’s feelings. he’s not very empathic, and if he cannot relate other people’s feelings to his own… well… then he just doesn’t understand at all. and sometimes that also means that he doesn’t accept them. what really makes him understand is seeing james and lily fall in love, and even that, for him, is a process. of course there probably instances around him of people feeling romantic, but it either — given the age — wasn’t too serious or fully-fledged, or it wasn’t too close to him for him to actually witness it. because sirius didn’t really care for it, at all, and he made sure to proclaim so several times, even when he didn’t know what he was talking about.

watching the person he was closest to fall in love, though, changed that. at first, he was highly skeptical. well, at the very first, he thought it was a joke, that the way they acted was somehow planned because he didn’t get how that just happened to someone. but when it became clear that they weren’t just acting like that because, stereotypically, people “ in love ” acted a certain way, he realized, and he didn’t like it. when james and lily started a relationship, he wasn’t entirely on board, because while lily is cool in theory and he does wish his mate all the best, it feels like james is trying to replace him. for sirius, what he feels for james is really as far as it goes when it comes to caring for someone, and he thought that that’s mutual. he doesn’t get how there’s suddenly “ more ” for lily. it takes him a while to come to terms with the fact that this is something different entirely, that james is still his family and, by extension, so is lily. it also shows him what romantic love looks like, and that it’s nothing he’s felt before or can imagine himself feeling. stance towards romance depending on when you ask sirius, his answers will of course differ, but for the longest time, he thought it was a hoax. not as in — nobody ever felt romantic love, he certainly knew it existed and thought it would even befall him someday, but the way it was portrayed by books and songs and all that? it sounded like it was too exaggerated for actual, real-life people to behave like that. this certainly is not due to his own orientation, but because in his immediate environment, love between a husband and a wife was not put on display and certainly not treated as a prerequisite for marriage. the whole idea of romanticism was treated like a dime novel concept, nothing practical or applicable.

sirius believes in love. he has seen and felt it, familial love, platonic love, close kinship with people he hasn’t even known for that long. but he has no reference, no connection to romantic love. he’s never experienced it, he’s never really wanted to experience it. but above all, he is not very empathetic at all. if he has no reference, he doesn’t understand it in others, and therefore he doesn’t take it seriously. this can and has lead to him offending and hurting his friends when he invalidates their feelings, especially in his phase of antagonizing lily when she and james clearly expressed romantic interest in each other. it’s something he has learned from and afterward isn‘t proud of, and thanks to them he learns to understand about true romantic love, but it’s something takes most of his normal life to process. later, he has more time to reflect, but it’s not a good time.

on wolfstar i want to note that i do not ship wolfstar, at least not off the bat. this has to do with the interpretation of fanon, in which sirius and remus fall in love at 15 and are inseparable ever since, they share chocolate and fight about who’s the bottom. as you may know, i hate fanon with a burning passion, and above all, i hate how one of the central points of sirius’ characterization has become his being in love with remus. secondly, my personal interpretation and prioritization of canon information is rather different from wolfstar interpretations, even the non-fanon ones i have seen. in his canon timeline, sirius and remus begin harbouring deep distrust towards each other, causing them to suspect each other to be the traitor. i also do not believe that the “ prank ” sirius played on snape, in which he purposefully led snape to find remus on a full moon, who might’ve killed him if it wasn’t for james’ intervention, is something they could just move past so easily. even if remus does forgive sirius, for sirius it’s still something that’ll stand between them. i do not believe that this is an atmosphere in which romantic feelings could arise for anyone, let alone someone like sirius.

that being said, just because i don’t support widespread ideas regarding sirius x remus, or do not ship them in a canon timeline, this doesn’t mean that i am completely opposed to the idea! i just personally believe that the circumstances have to be very, very different for them to be able to trust each other, and deeply enough for it to end in something romantic. i do not have a specific idea of how that should go, but i am always willing to explore a plot!

on other dynamics there are a few other popular ship dynamics in fanon that i don’t quite understand, specifically when they involve characters such as marlene, dorcas, or mary, who have been mentioned within perhaps two lines. obviously, i do not believe in lumping together all these different interpretations of one character, and i will not assume chemistry off the bat. in fact, i usually actually assume the opposite, because most of these characters are self-respecting women and sirius behaves, most of the time, like a full-on asshole — but that’s besides the point. as stated before, i really do not see a way in his canon timeline for him to get close enough to someone other than the marauders. and sirius doesn’t do crushes. that is not just because it takes a lot for him to develop romantic attraction, he’s also just an all or nothing kinda guy. therefore, the only thing that really applies to this type of dynamics is chemistry and lots and lots of plotting and development.

on james/sirius in my previous analysis, i might’ve suggested that james would be the one person sirius would fall in love with, but that… really isn’t it, either. quite frankly, things would have to go horribly wrong for them to end up together, or it might even be impossible, because james' trust and friendship are what shape sirius as a person and them being family is essential to his development. and no, despite being purebloods, you just don’t date family.

#⌞ ⋆ rp. ⏤ headcanon ⌝#( personals: under no circumstances interact with this post in any way shape or form thank you )#( anyway this one's for u my darling followers xx pls be kind to me )

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violetosprey · 5 years ago

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Can I ask what it is that you like so much about yanderes? :)) I feel the same but just wanna know. I love your blog and your TTDUP / BTD analysis so much!

Thank you so much! This is also really nice to get a question like this again. I know I’ve mentioned a few times here and there already what I like about yanderes. This question made me really happy to see though, so instead of linking older posts, I’ll go ahead and just write my thoughts out here.

People who’ve been around this blog before may see me reiterate some stuff I’ve said in the past, but I’ll try to throw in some new points as well that I might not have covered before.

Short version:

- The very personalized/ one-on-one relationship

- The irony of love being a source of terror (if it’s a horror story)

- The unpredictability and over-the-top nature of the character

- The flexibility of a character for a story

I’ll place a longer version below. A fair warning, I did originally start liking the character type as a horror element and still lean towards that even now, so my apologies if I emphasize that too much below. I’ll try to touch on the more romantic element as well towards the end.

“Love makes you crazy” is such a simple phrase. People may act out of character or embarrassed in front of their loved one, or even put themselves in harm’s way to save someone they love.

“Anything in excess is bad” is another phrase I also take to heart. For instance, all humans need water to live, but it’s physically possible to actually die from consuming too much water in one sitting (Don’t worry, it’d have to be a LOT of water- you’re not going to do this on accident).

Yanderes are a pretty good example on the validity of these statements.

Love is a very normal and necessary emotion for people to have. Heck, if you grow up without love of ANY kind, there’s a good chance of a person developing into an unscrupulous character. As for romance, nearly everyone desires to find that special person someday to spend the rest of your life with. No one wants to be alone, society praises love stories and getting married is one of the most common goals in everyone’s lives. Love is something that can bring out the best in us. Our compassion starts to thrive. There are so many stories where love is viewed as pure. In stories of “good vs. evil,” of course love, compassion and understanding are the way of the good guys.

So what got me hooked on yanderes to begin with, and still remains one of my favorite elements about them? It’s the concept that even LOVE is something that can become terrifying when we have too much of it.

I’ve said it many times before, and I’ll say it again: I love the irony that love can be used as a horror element. Yanderes are essentially characters that are craving a very normal and wonderful connection with another person. They’re focused too, so when they find the one they love, it’s intense and they dedicate themselves to that person alone. It truly is romantic when I spell it out like that. There are two main problems though. The first being a yandere’s feelings are SO intense that they tend to go overboard with their actions. They don’t know how to temper themselves at times, so what they do may seem weird or creepy even (ex. Excessive texting, odd or numerous gifts). They also may not be able to accept other people getting in the way of their desired relationship. The second problem being that a yandere may not be able to accept rejection. This depends solely on if the S/O does reject the yandere for whatever reason, and what kind of yandere it is. If it’s a selfless yandere, there’s a little less to worry about, but they WILL still remain persistent. The selfish yanderes though, those are the ones where everything goes to hell when they realize things aren’t going their way.

Another thing I like about yanderes is, regardless of whether or not the S/O accepts the yandere, the relationship is ALWAYS very personalized. One-on-one. I absolutely adore personalized relationships.

To explain my love of more villainous or antagonistic yanderes, I think there’s an element I never mentioned before here on this blog that helps get that point across a little more.

I love villain characters to begin with. Plain and simple. I have found media sometimes that I never pay attention to until randomly a villain pops up in the media that catches my eye (this may also explain a little on why I took to the BTD/TDDUP series).

Now every hero needs a good adversary. Not all villains are up to snuff, but when you come across one that you find interesting, everything becomes a lot more fun. The best is when a piece of media is very good about developing unique relationships and interactions between the good characters and the villain. It’s even better if you have the villain has a VERY particular relationship with just ONE of the good characters.

I have a little hierarchy of interest when it comes to one-on-one good guy and villain relationships. In order of least to most interesting here (EDIT: All these relationships are interesting and fun for me, but this is categorizing which ones I like more):

5) 1v1 relationship between the hero and villain. This is purely antagonistic between the two, with one or both likely wanting to see the other dead. Think of special rivalries like Sherlock Holmes and Moriarty.

4) Villain does not want to kill the hero. This could be for a plethora of reasons such as a sense of respect the villain has for the hero, or the villain’s “game” would end without the hero around.

3) Villain wants the hero to join them. This could be as a minion, a pet, a partner or their prodigy.

2) Villain is attracted to/in love with the hero. Basically, a Batman and Catwoman relationship.

1) Villain is OBSESSIVELY in love with the hero. THIS is where we get a yandere here. The hero is now the pinnacle focus of the villain…not because the villain wants them dead, but because WANT them.

Like I said, the horror element is what snagged my interest first, but it certainly isn’t the only element to focus on for yanderes.

It’s been fun exploring more about yanderes on tumblr! You can certainly expand more on romantic element of the character type. Heck, if you FORGET the romantic element (which unfortunately can happen sometimes), then you really don’t have a yandere to begin with. As long you make sure the character remains obsessive and possessive towards a person they LOVE to a degree, you can still have a yandere WITHOUT making them the villain or antagonist of a story. Put some elements in a story that make the yandere not the main issue. Or you can put have the yandere and the S/O actually in a relationship. That’s a very interesting dynamic right there.

The over-the-top and unusual nature of yanderes doesn’t have to end simply because they’re not the main problem in a story or because they finally got together with the love of their life. Anime’s most famous yandere, Yuno from Future Diary, does develop a relationship with her S/O, is full blown yandere and also is not the main problem in the story (aka there’s still the Survival Game). One of my favorite male yanderes is actually No Onyu from the Metronome manga (or webcomic?). At least he’s a yandere so far (translations are slow as hell). That’s a yandere in a more heroic role. He’s very protective and it’s fun see him not only go murderous at times, but also have to hold back at the S/O’s behest.

The best thing about having a yandere in a supporting or heroic role, is you can still guarantee that there won’t be anything “normal” about the situation. Even if the yandere has a fair control of their emotions and/or is rather tame, the way they solve issues to help their beloved is probably not going to be as clean cut as a normal protagonist would do.

You can also take really extreme yanderes, or one’s that start out antagonistic, and have them go through some character development to get past their more problematic traits (especially if it’s to become more appealing for their S/O).

To sum it up, the base element of yanderes (that possessive and obsessive love) makes them fun to watch, but they can still be flexible characters depending on the situation you place them in.

I hope this explanation didn’t sound lackluster. I’ve been a little busy this weekend, but I really appreciated this ask. It’s always fun to reminisce and lay things out in the open.

#yandere #male yandere #female yandere #personal interests #horror #answer

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afreakingdork · 5 years ago

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Review: Tangled: Before Ever After and Rapunzel's Tangled Adventure

I should have realized that Tangled: Before Ever After was going to precede something. The movie ends with Rapunzel's father knowingly "locking" Rapunzel up once again and telling her she will not be allowed out of her tower. It ends with her singing about how she will someday be free.... and almost immeidately as Rapunzel's Tangled Adventure begins, we see this rule is not enforced in its entirety and instead is set to be anywhere in the kingdom of Corona and they never really touch back on this point set by the movie that is MEANT to set up the show.

As the first season progresses, I was excited to see more about the black rocks. The part of season 1 that jumps out the most to me is Varian's turn. Sure, he blames himself for his dad's encasement in amber and it's logical to lash out those feelings of self hatred, but for him to point blank turn completely evil because Rapunzel has 'betrayed' him is just too much. Rapunzel even tells him that the storm is about to destory all of Corona (which includes his hometown and where his dad is encassed in amber mind you). She even tells him that she will help him as soon as she is done, but I guess I am supposed to believe he is too far gone to hear these words? No? Yeah, no, because he responds by saying that by then it will be too late. The question as to why this is so dumb is revisted later.

So season 2 sets us out on the road, Rapunzel will finally be free to explore the world like she wanted. There is a ton of fun to be had in these episodes; adventures aplenty. We slowly uncover the mystery of the black rocks' origins and the Moon Stone. I like the concept of an opposing force against the sun drop. My favorite arcs are the Captain Quaid arc right at the beginning of the season and the Tirapai Island arc. The outfits in the Tirapai Island arc are especially choice. In fact, kudos to season 2 for having all these really dope outfit changes in general. They are all beautiful. Also kudos to the Tirapai Island arc for giving Hook Foot his own episode before they just wrote him off the show. Also, also Vigor being Lord Demanitus was an awesome (albeit stupidly hilarious) twist that I did not see coming.

As we get closer to the Dark Kingdom things really start to fall apart. "Rapunzel: Day One" creates a rift in Rapunzel and Cass's relationship that seems so out of character for Cass. She's mad that Rapunzel won't heed her warnings about Adira, but Rapunzel has always gone around Cass to find the good in people. It's been happening since season 1 and it seemed really strange for it to only be a problem now. I guess since the whole world is getting more dangerous, but it really leads into "Rapunzel and the Great Tree" where Cass sings "Waiting in the Wings." She's harboring this loneliness that I guess I can see, but also more on that later.

Finally reaching the Dark Kingdom, King Edmund being Eugene's true father is someting I saw from miles away. It's too obvious a set-up and really a bit uncessary, but yay Eugene backstory I guess? That is until Eugene is immediately convinced by the father he rightfully rejects to keep Rapunzel from her destiny because it's his destiny to stop her? It makes absolutely no sense for Eugene who has turned around his entire life solely on his belief in Rapunzel's abilites, but I guess we need even more conflict at the castle.

Moving into season 3, there are just so many implications and dropped storylines. Starting with Cassandra's turn; how was she Mother Gothel's biological daughter? Mother Gothel is shown to be quite old, so I kinda doubt she could sow an heir. Also what does it really matter? On Tirapai Island, Cassandra was shown her truest desire was just to be accepted by her father. I'm glad the head guard is just dead to her after being her beloved father just because he lied about her being the heir of an evil witch? That's usually not something you'd be too happy about and defintely not something you would hold against your best friend for being 'the one your mother preferred.'

When we get back to Corona, the king and queen's memories have been erased and Varian is still being all evil, but only until things get too real and he might hurt actual people. The rest of Varian's redemption arc and him struggling with other people's perception of him was quite good though, I have to say. Picking up on the 'visit later' point I mentioned about Varian earlier, there was no rush because I guess Quirin was in stasis while frozen in the amber. I will say, there was no way Varian could have known this, but it really shoots the whole rush to save my father or you aren't really my friend thing in the foot.

Episode 2 of season 3 just starts with Rapunzel in a new (ugly) dress and is just Queen. There is not even a throw away line of dialog to explain that Frederic and Arianna still have not regained their memories. In fact Frederic and Arianna just don't show up for 6 more episodes until this problem needs to be addressed! The whole issue is a mess, "Rapunzel's Return" shows Rapunzel recognizes the memory erasing wand from "Rapunzel: Day One," and yet even though in "Rapunzel: Day One" there is a very easy to make cure that Cassandra aboslutely explains to Rapunzel, they never try to even create this cure and instead rely on love to hopefully coax back Frederic and Arianna's memories.

"Who's Afraid of the Big, Bad Wolf?" ends with Red wanting to be called by her real name which is Catalina. Now, I don't know if this is a production erorr, but in the very NEXT episode "The Lost Treasure of Herz Der Sonne," they go right back to calling Red Red, but then a few episodes later in "Day of the Animals" they are appropriately calling her by Catalina.

Rolling back one episode from that, let's return to the 'visit that later' I mentioned for Cassandra, we have "Beginnings" that creates a huge plot hole for "Waiting in the Wings" as we see Cassandra has absolutely had the chance to go out and do what she has always wanted to do, but decided not to for the sake of friendship? I get that the story is supposed to be touching and Rapunzel is looking for a friend, but she makes friends wherever she goes and Cass is full well shown to understand that. So it doesn't really help the whole betrayal storyline to know that she gave up her dreams to stay with Rapunzel when she was never actually ordered to do that in the first place. She made that choice consciously. She finally starts to see the light in "Once a Handmaiden..." and I was really excited for the change and how Cass and Rapunzel would work together to sort this out, but one little change and boom Cass still believes Zhan Tiri even though she knows they're evil and manipulative. Cass has shown throughout the series that she is FAR smarter than this. She always trusts herself above all else. Overall, for it's flaws I'm not sad I watched it. The end tied up nicely and I feel satisfied.

#me #review #cartoon review #Tangled: Before Ever After #Rapunzel's Tangled Adventure #tangled #cartoons

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