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#i actually had to re do the art for this cause it was too dark and underexposed
srasdoesthings · 4 months
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**✿❀Day 5: Exes❀✿**
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*・゚゚・*:.。..。.:*゚:*:✼✿  
Was struggling to pick a couple for this day when when a fellow femstars discord member (@meltypinksugar) suggested EiHiyo and honestly. I fell in love with it ajdbnahd. I've also written up a little accompaniment blurb under the cut^^ She also helped a lot in beta-ing this piece, so big BIG thanks to him. Thank you Aurie ☆(ノ◕ヮ◕)ノ*. Enjoy~
✿✼:*゚:.。..。.:*・゚゚・*
“You know, I really dislike you, Ei-chan.”
The blonde doesn't react more than a simple hum. Her face remains placid, the image of calm and serenity. But Hiyori sees it --the slightest twinkle of mischief hidden behind a curtain of long pale lashes and it lights the irritation burning in her brighter.
They were in the gazebo of some party their parents urged them to attend, eager to get away from two-faced banter, drunkards, and sycophants. Eichi leaned over the railings, the smooth slope of her back curved prettily, framed by draped fabric. Hiyori stands behind her, eyes flicking between the deep red rose shrubs decorating the structure and her.
How irritating, she can't help but keep looking at her. Honestly, this whole night was all bad Hiyori.
They arrived nearly at the same time. Eichi sauntered into the entrance just as Hiyori was about to enter the main venue. Now, Hiyori knew Eichi would be there and has done exceptionally well in tolerating her as of late --maybe even enjoying her presence, but seeing her this early into the event put her into bad Hiyori.
Hiyori wanted to leave and ignore her then. Just another annoying Ei-chan thing. As she turned to leave, though, something caught her eye. That color, their accessories, the ungodly amount of pearl detailing… Their outfits were quite similar, weren't they?
She eyes Eichi the whole party, glaring at her across the ballroom, studying her form. The more she stared, the more similarities she saw between them.
A cream gown, decorated in roses and pearls, ruffled sleeves. Well whatever, their gowns had different accent colors! The silhouette was all different too, so it didn't matter.
They also had their hair styled similarly, front locks twisted into loose braids pinned to the side to compliment their similar rosette headdresses, everything pinned and decorated by a crown of pearls. Still, Hiyori had more rosettes than her, and, again, they were of different colors, so it wasn't the same!
The only thing she could not explain away though, what got to her most, were their nails.
A day ago, she and the rest of the Pretty 5 went out to get their manicures done together as a bonding activity. Knowing this ball was coming up, Hiyori opted for a simple pale pastel pink set. She thought it would be cute, even if her dress was a much darker red.
And here comes Eichi, her cream gown accented by pale pastel pink details and roses --her nails painted in dark red polish.
It made it look like they were matching. Like back then…
Hiyori stares at Eichi again. Under the intense warm light in the gazebo, she drinks in the sight of Eichi in her gown.
She was as beautiful as ever. The fabric of her gown hugged her body, accentuating Eichi's slender frame. The long span of fabric draped over her shoulders and to the ruffles on her wrists were flowy, billowing as she moved, graceful and elegant.
She was out of this world. So heavenly that it irked Hiyori. She can't look away from her.
“You're staring,” Eichi hums. She turns to Hiyori, who, in a trance, walks up to where the blonde stood. Cream skirt meets cream skirt. They slotted together. Hiyori's ball gown pressed against Eichi’s mermaid dress. The blonde let out a soft chuckle. “Did you miss me that much, Hiyori? How cute.”
“Not at all.” Yet Hiyori’s arm still moves to embrace her, hands exploring the free expanse of her back, feeling up the slope of her shoulders, how they twitched and shivered under her touch. Her nails left faint, red marks down to the small of Eichi's back before finally she finally settled on playing with the thin strap of her gown. “You really annoy me~”
They lean close to each other, forehead to forehead. Purple meets blue. Hiyori's free hand snakes up the front of Eichi's gown, trailing up from her waist to her sides, her bicep, before wrapping long fingers around her neck.
Eichi meets her head on, intense eyes staring right back at her. She feels Eichi's hand hover over her hips, unsure but clearly wanting.
She hates her. Her lips look so kissable.
“I really dislike you lots, Ei-chan.” Hiyori leans in and captures Eichi's lips in her own.
*・゚゚・*:.。..。.:*゚:*:✼✿  
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boxofbonesfic · 1 year
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ransom + “You twitch in your sleep. It’s honestly one of the cutest things I’ve ever seen.” from the sleepy prompts list 🥰✨ dark or not ur choice
Title: Sleaze
Pairing: Ransom Drysdale x Reader
Warnings: Just a bunch of implications really, Implied Infidelity, Mentions of drunkenness, Ransom being a creep
A/N: i wrote this in twenty minuted hiding my phone under my desk, please excuse any typos 🥲
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Your mouth feels dry and cottony, the taste of wine still bitter on your tongue. You shift without opening your eyes, your borrowed gown bunching uncomfortably beneath your hips as you do.
The night returns to you in alcohol soaked flashes; answering your childhood friend’s last minute summons with forced enthusiasm—after all, Louise only seemed to remember you existed when her flakey friends left her high and dry.
“What are you doing right now?!”
This time it was her engagement party, an extravagant affair planned by Louise’s overbearing mother, and her equally overbearing soon-to-be mother-in-law. You had already been in for the night, settled onto your couch with a glass of wine when your phone had gone off.
Louise had begged you to come—her maid of honor and two bridesmaids had both cancelled last minute, leaving her down one scheduled speech and gracious toast. And you’d gone, despite the ugly bitter feeling at not having made it into the bridal party yourself—and really, you’d understood the decision, considering your relationship had devolved into getting coffee once every few months.
You had thrown together a speech on your way over, practicing the padded list of platitudes in the rearview, about the “best friend” who was really just more of an extended acquaintance. She had a dress for you to wear, of course, striking down your department store cocktail dress with the same thinly veiled mixture of pity and disapproval that had caused the distance in the first place. You shrugged it off the way you’d been doing for over a decade—you couldn’t expect someone born with a silver spoon in her mouth to understand the taste of cardboard.
Your head is pounding, and you lift a hand to it, pressing your fingers to your temples. You’d drunk far too much, unsuccessfully drowning the feelings in a sea of red wine and bubbly to chase away the bitterness. How could you not be? You were staring down your third year at the Times, with no articles of your own and too much debt. Meanwhile, you doubted the majority of Louise’s guests—Louise included—had ever actually needed to work.
And then there was her fiancé… You shudder, lifting yourself from the plush pillows beneath you with a groan. You suppose to Louise’s credit, she had a type and stuck to it fairly religiously—assholes. And Ransom Drysdsle didn’t seem to be any different.
You shudder, your disgust re-surfacing at the thought of him. The crafty, shit eating grin on his too-handsome face as he’d brushed up against you for the fiftieth time, the palm of his hand slipping brazenly against your ass through the dress with an exaggerated “Oops”.
Sleazeball.
You groan again as you stand up, the slinky hem of your evening dress pooling at your feet. The heels and purse you’d worn—also courtesy of Louise’s closet—are in a heap at the foot of the bed. The room itself is as unfamiliar as the rest of the estate and boasts the same sort of heedless opulence that you’d noted in the rest of Louise’s fiancé’s sprawling manor; expensive original art, furniture that you suspected was both older and more expensive than anything in your meager apartment.
Through the tall windows the sky is dark, pinks and oranges are just beginning to eat away at the dark edges.
Why am I still here?
Vaguely you can remember being led up the grand staircase as the world shifted with every step, and a voice like smooth honey—
“You sleep it off in here, Sweetness.”
You debate whether or not to take the shoes and purse, considering your own are in the trunk of your car. Which is, of course, valet parked somewhere on the massive property. After a moment of hesitation, you decide to leave them—how far could the car even be?
You remake the bed to the best of your ability before heading for the the intimidatingly large door. You reach for the brassy handle, but to your surprise, it turns without you touching it. You gasp, stepping out of the way as it swings open. Ransom is on the other side, so close you can hardly believe there was a door between you only seconds before.
“Oh—well look at you. Didn’t think you’d be up so early.” You can feel the weight of his gaze as it travels down the line of your exposed throat and shoulders. “You drank like a fish, Sweetness.”
Louise’s fiancé is draped across the doorway like a sleazily suited curtain, his blond hair swept back from his handsome face. He’s still dressed in his party clothes, his expensive suit jacket slung over one shoulder and sleeves rolled up to his elbows.
Embarrassment thins the smile you force yourself to return.
“I—yeah,” you mumble, rubbing the back of your neck. “Sorry about that.”
“What? No, don’t be,” Ransom shakes his head with a little laugh. The cruel curve of his lips makes it seem mocking, even if it isn’t directed at you. “By the time Lou’s friends are through, the staff is usually pulling heads out of toilets halfway through the night.” You grimace at the mention of Louise’s other friends, the ones who’s absent places you’d been called in to fill.
Ransom doesn’t move, remaining planted in the doorway like an annoying weed. For a moment, you stare at one another, until you clear your throat.
“Well, I guess I’d better—”
“How’d you like my room?” He asks suddenly, cutting you off. “Bed’s pretty comfortable, I think.” It’s something about the way he cocks his head, his lopsided smile spreading once again across his face, that makes you feel like he knows something you don’t. “Well, old room.”
“I, um. It was fine.” You say haltingly. “Comfortable. I’d like to—”
“You know, you’re nicer than Lou’s other friends,” Ransom says slowly, sliding one foot over the threshold and then the other. “I like a nice girl.”
“I should leave.” You say it plainly this time, but he continues to ignore it, like you hadn’t spoken at all. The tightness in your chest grows painful as he kicks the door shut behind him. You’re confused as he begins to work at the pearl buttons of his shirt, undoing them slowly as he speaks.
“You twitch in your sleep, you know.” He replies as he lays his jacket over the back of a chair. The diamond cufflinks at his wrists join his blazer as you stare at him in abject horror. “It’s honestly one of the cutest things I’ve ever seen.”
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sophios-draws · 5 months
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lego dimensions portal dialogue!!
i compiled some of the silly ones (see end for notes)
GLaDOS
I always thought it would be wonderful to have a deep, emotional connection to someone… until I met YOU. (to chell) (gayass line #1)
Well, well, well, look who’s back. You must love science almost as much as me. (to chell) (gayass line #2)
Oh well, if it isn't the grand return of King Moron and his Mute Princess. (to chell and wheatley)
Well done. It seems you have mastered the graceful and noble art of ‘bouncing’. (to chell re: repulsion gel)
Very good. With the accelerative power of Propulsion Gel at your disposal, you need only worry about your wits being slow. (to chell re: propulsion gel)
What’s wrong? You look tired. Would you like a break or a nap? Maybe I could get an associate to rub your feet for you if I’m not boring you too much. (to batman et al.)
Did I mention I had a cake made JUST for YOU? Unfortunately none of the typical ingredients were available, so it consists mostly of sawdust and leftover propulsion gel. If anything, I think that just gives it even more of a personal touch. (to chell)
Wheatley
Oh dear. Someone booted up on the wrong side of the BIOS this morning, if I’m not mistaken. (to chell re: glados)
Ugh. Uh, I must have forgotten to, to carry the zero… And ummm… Let me try again, let me try again. I don’t suppose you know what, what’s Pi? Is it three something? (to batman et al.)
Seriously, where do you learn that stuff? What is it? Textbooks? Is it, um, online courses? Um, I mean, do you have to go to some kind of y’know, retreat, where you wear robes and things? And there’s some chap with long hair and a guitar? (to chell)
You want to say, “I TOLD you, Wheatley. I SAID you were too hard on those poor little mutant boxes, whose only ever crime was trying to make their daddy proud. And now they’ve run away from home, each of ‘em hiding GLaD-knows-where, scared and alone in some dark, dingy corner of the lab.” (to chell re: frankenturrets) ("glad" instead of "god"... checks out)
Keep it up! Although no mad rush, ‘cause I’m actually working on an apology speech… which I think is… is… quite beautiful. (to chell re: frankenturrets)
Ah! You all came back! I never thought I’d be so happy to see your little improvised-robotic faces! But I am, I am! And… what I want to say is… *throat clearing* if you don’t want to step on buttons, then DON’T step on buttons! Alright? Don’t step on a single one! Not even if an orphanage is burning down and the only way to activate the sprinkler system is to step on a button, don’t do it! Don’t… Well, you probably SHOULD do it in that case, but other than that, you know, do what you wanna do. You’re strong, independent mutant boxes! Think for yourselves, be yourselves! (to frankenturrets)
Cave Johnson
Caroline… I think I’ll have extra cheese on my ‘four cheese burrito’ today… throw in a side of coleslaw too. Oh wait, is this thing on?
Caroline, hold my calls. I need to go see a man about a mule. What was that? Alright. Good. Mule. Gonna go see him in the bathroom. Back in ten. (??? sir what is this about ???)
You might have noticed some safety warnings on the walls. Just ignore ‘em. I keep telling the Bean Counters danger’s just a natural part of science, but boy they don’t want to hear it. Like telling a paradox to a robot – makes their heads explode.
Now, the lab boys were adamant that I do not give you any hints on these tests. To be honest, they think I’m spoiling the results just by talking to you. Hizenstein Uncertainty Principles and so forth. I’ll give ‘em something more practical to be uncertain about. Their next paycheck. Anyway, overruled. If you think I’m affecting your decisions in any way, don’t be afraid to speak up. I’m not made of glass. That reminds me: Caroline, do we have a wing made out of glass yet? Let’s get on that, Caroline. (we know what became of that...)
Rick
And luckily for you, Rick the Adventure Sphere – just call me Rick – is here to show you how it’s done! You best get your ointment ready, sweetie, because with this assault course right here, you are going to FEEL THE BURN! (to chell) (no amount of context can save this line)
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i watched playthroughs of the lego portal content and its pretty neat. there are three chunks of portal content: the starter pack aperture science level, the portal 2 level pack, and the portal 2 adventure world. downloadable voicelines are only available for the first of those three, afaik. the lines i included here are a mix of all three, transcribed directly from the youtube playthroughs. there are a lot of really good lines that i didnt include so if people are interested ill post more
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frenzyarts · 11 months
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hi!! I was recently at a book store and had absolutely no idea what to get. you seem to have impeccable taste in everything (homestuck, the locked tomb, ur whole aesthetic) so I was wondering if you had a list of books you'd recommend! have a good one (⁠。⁠・⁠ω⁠・⁠。⁠)⁠ノ⁠♡
This is very flattering, thank you 🥰 I like a lot of novels and comics so it would probably be easier for me to narrow it down if you gave me a genre you like but if you’re open to anything here are some of my favs!
Beauty by Hubert and Kerascoët
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“When the repulsively ugly Coddie unintentionally saves a fairy from a spell, she does not understand the poisonous nature of the wish granted her by the fairy. The village folk no longer see her as repulsive and stinking of fish—they now perceive her as magnetically beautiful—which does not help her in her village. A young local lord saves her, but it soon becomes apparent that Coddie's destiny may be far greater than anyone ever imagined. Caustic and flamboyant, this fairy tale offers grownups an engrossing take on the nature and corrupting power of beauty, in our age of obsession with it.” (The art in this book is so so so gorgeous. Also I love dark fairytales)
Not Simple by Natsume Ono
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“Ian, a young man with a fractured family history, travels from Australia to England to America in the hope of realizing his dreams and reuniting with his beloved sister. His story unfolds backwards through the framing narrative of Jim, a reporter driven to capture Ian’s experiences in a novel: not simple. A story within a story, a book within a book, a tale about the search for family, for an emotional home.” (This one has some really dark themes, highly recommended looking up content warnings before you read. It WILL make you cry, but it’s one of the most beautifully plotted novels I’ve ever read. Also the art style rules.)
Not even gonna bother to introduce this one cause it’s so famous but if you’ve never read the Hobbit, I highly recommend it. Especially because bookstores are always making pretty gilded versions of the book cause it’s so famous.
A short story but: Ligeia by Edgar Allen Poe (sorry I know he sucked) but that short story and the poem it features left a big impression on me. I feel like I can’t describe what the story is about without spoiling it, but if you like stories about mysterious and beautiful women who are involved with the supernatural and death, then you might like this short story!
Okay last one since I don’t want to make this list too long (I have a lot more recommendations if you’d like, these were the first that came to mind!)
Snotgirl by Bryan Lee O’Malley and Leslie Hung
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I’m struggling to find a description for the series as a whole, probably because it’s still slowly being released and it comes out in monthly issues (you can usually find the issues compiled into graphic novel format in bookstores, which I still need to get, I only have the issues) But basically it’s about a social media influencer named Lottie Person. She gets wrapped up in a sapphic supernatural romance with a big mystery element. If you’re a fan of the famed “toxic yuri” then this is the series for you, 100%. I’ve actually been meaning to do a re-read 👀
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Haii splish splash helloooo hoiii hiii :33 uh don't mind this ig i just wanna put this here for fun or something since i like the not so original [at all] idea of the world of sky being more like sky: children of the dark instead of light like an apocalypse of the sorts for funsies [unoriginal as in I'm 100% not the first time come up with it at all and got like some ideas from looking at the game's concept arts for like 2 minutes]!! I even wrote like an entire not so good just basically very mid poem rhyming thing abt it cuz why nottttt rhymes are amazeballs. I wrote 7 whole pages in a notebook about each realm on 1 page and ideas for it and stuff and now i feel like shoving all of that info into a screen!! Guh……… I'll like edit this over time ig.
Our kingdom was filled with light and love, but wrath and rage transcended the eye above.
The clouds were painted in a hue so red, and from the sky, divine blood had seemed to bled.
Our lands were plauged with horror and screams, our souls faced the imminent doom of no redeem.
The soils had turned from green to black, beings of light sealed away, never to come back.
Our kingdom had fallen, and the only thing to be seen? The souls of us sinners and that which we dirtied.
The realms began to crumble and too did we, creatures of darkness had begun to be conceived.
Our hearts grew cold and too did our hands, amalgamating with creatures begotten by murky sands.
They march the land searching for remains, of a bygone era, seeking to relieve their everlasting pain.
We are no longer viable to heal the wounds of the land, so a final light, we please, to descend.
A new time has come, for this torment to end, children of light must find a way to ascend.
Child of light, go forth and spread your wings, let the heavens know of your arrival: sing.
To fix the remnants of a broken heart, scattered across the lands and torn into parts.
One child must brave the storm, before it becomes too late
To save us all.
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ISLE OF DAWN Isle of Dusk
✦ There are many packs of corrupted sky kids & spirits on the outskirts 〘 especially in the water〙
✦ It's Dark; The clouds & temple 〘 Mostly the clouds〙block the sky, but even if they didn't, the sky would always be dark anyways〘the time of day in the isle only switches from dusk and the dead of night〙
✦ There are quite a few crabs 〘 different types of crabs aswell instead of just the 1–2 usual ones in the actual game��but there aren't any 〘living〙 krills anywhere in the isle 〘any krills that were there are nothing but piles of dust, bones or remnants of the past, frozen in time and in place by a force not to be reckoned with〙
✦ “Home” is set up inside Prophecy cave and sealed off to corrupted creatures that try to enter be 〘 very〙 powerful magic. 〘 woulda been forbidden in the previous era due to how unsafe it is to cast let alone set eyes upon〙 All the skids are lucky nothing bad happened…
✦ Corrupted spirits in the isle are normally statues that slowly move when you're not looking & try to corrupt you/freeze you in place/sink you under the sand. 〘 but this only applies to some statues, not all of them do this〙However, Some statues can be re-frozen if you shift them into a certain position.
✦ Sand dunes rose & became caves/dead ends/dens for corrupted skids, also known as packs or “the hunt/hunters”, though they are quite scarce in numbers since most of them have been involuntarily buried underneath dunes of sand.〘 some dunes are sentient, best be careful where you tread.〙
✦ Some large dunes/dark water have/has small, turquoise dots in them 〘 they're referred to as “the lens”〙that stare are you as you pass by them but you can't/shouldn't look at them directly for too long or else they'll cause you to freeze in place due to inducing high levels fear/paranoia/panick at the same time.〘despite the fact that there's nothing major to ge scared of most of the time〙A black hand usually stretches out of the dark mud/water 〘 we'll call it murk for simplicity〙or a hole in a large dune from where “the lens” is and geabs you before dragging you into where the hand came from unless you are moved out the way in time 〘there is little to no chance of return after dragged away and in〙
✦ The outskirts of isle is mainly dark water sky kids normally can't swim in unless they're specially equipped/prepared to do so.
✦ The path to Daylight Prairie Nightmare Lowland is a sea of low, dark water teeming with with packs of slumbering hunters in which a boat is needed to cross.
✦ The isle elder, instead of welcoming you, tries to prevent you from entering their temple and tries to get you to leave by commanding “the hunt” & dunes to attack you, barricading any exits with solid sand and walls. They are referred to as “The Despair”.
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bullet-prooflove · 2 years
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Seen: Greg ‘Mouse’Gerwitz x Reader
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Tagging: @shay-o-fiction​   @kimm4710​   @k-k0129​   @cosmic-psychickitty​   @daniacat​   @enchantedblackrose​   @ikbenplant​   @crazy4chickennuggets​   @neapolitantoebeans​    @cixrosie​   @halsteadloversworld​   @i-spaced-sorry​   
Greg had posed for several of your paintings since you had started your art course. In the beginning you had doubted that he would have the ability to sit still. The man you loved was always a flurry of movement, his hands always in motion, his knee jangling. However, over the past few months Greg had exhibited a patience you hadn’t expected. He usually needed a prop, his phone, a book, his airpods, something to keep his attention rapt. Working with oil paints was something you had always wanted to try but you had never seemed to be able to find the time for. These days you had all the time in the world.
The injury you had received in the line of duty had changed your perspective, the way you thought about everything. All you had ever wanted was to be a cop, and you had achieved that, worked your ass off all the way up to Intelligence and then you got shot.
The bullet had caused nerve damage that rendered you unable to perform the more physical aspects of your job at the current moment. You still walked with a cane, an antique dark wood piece with a polished silver top that Greg had purchased for you. The two of you had delved into an antiques shop one afternoon after physical therapy. A badass cane for a badass bitch, he had told you when he handed it over.
You were still in recovery, both physically and mentally. You had honestly thought you were going to die that night and in the aftermath, you had to confront the things that terrified you. You still flinched at loud noises, woke up in the night with your heart pounding and breath caught in your throat. You feared that wouldn’t be able to return to your job, being a cop was as fundamental to you as breathing, it was all you had ever known. Greg had lightly suggested perhaps it was time to explore somethings for yourself, do the things you wanted to do. The truth was you had been at a loss on medical leave, especially with your restricted mobility.
Painting had been something you had wanted to explore in from the very beginning, the problem was when you were working full time your shifts never seemed to line up with the course dates. Even now it seemed like an indulgence, but you enjoyed working with your hands, it had been along time since you had allowed yourself to be creative and you could feel the essence of it flowing through you like a current. You had an eye for colour your tutor told you, your paintings were bright and saturated, attuned to the mood of your subject.
“Is that how you see me?” he asked you when he caught a glimpse of one. You rarely showed him your work, your cheeks colouring with embarrassment whenever he drew near but this one, you were proud of.
When you painted Greg, it was with hues of blue, a shimmer of silver lining the eyes of his pupils as he lay spread out amongst the sheets as they pooled around his waist, his gaze locked on you. It became a series before you realised it, your man captured upon the canvas, going about his life.
“Yes.” You told him, shifting to sit on the stool because you hip was starting to ache from being on your feet too long.
“It makes me feel proud.” He told you, leaning forward so that the scent of wet paint was in his nose. It was an aroma that he was now coming to associate with you. Looking at the artwork, he could see that you were changing, flourishing he thought, becoming something more than what you had been. He was glad because you had dedicated so much of yourself to other people, he thought it was time for you to take a breath and re-evaluate things. “I feel like you actually see me.”
“I do.” You told him, your arms looping through his so that you were holding him from behind. He inclined his head so that he could capture your gaze. “I see you the real you and Greg, it’s stunning.”
Love Greg? Don’t miss any of his stories by joining the taglist here.
Like My Work? - Why Not Buy Me A Coffee
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"Secrets, secrets are no fun..."
I've been reading a lot of ff lately about Pride!Roman, and I honestly can't help but feel like there's so much that could be explored here. If you want some messy au headcanons, read below!
The concept of Roman "falling" to the dark side is as fascinating to me as the idea of Roman re-fusing with Remus. I like the idea that Roman would try to hide that he's falling from the others, and it's his own pride keeping him from asking for help or talking about how he's feeling with the others too.
I’ve come to a conclusion: being C!Thomas’s ego while also being his creativity must be really hard. The way I think about it, ego is a necessary trait for any individual. Creativity is too, but it’s actually not nearly as essential as the ego. Now where Thomas is concerned I have a whole mini dissertation regarding how Thomas’s ego and creativity ended up all tangled together, but it boils down to one major point. Thomas, as an artist, conflates his ego with his art because the degree to which he values his art makes it a point of pride for him, and therefore makes him more sensitive to others criticizing it. 
Without going too much into all that (for this post, anyway) let’s talk about why ego being a more essential function than creativity is important. I think the best way to explain is to give an alternate example. If we look at Logan for example, and if we subscribe to the idea that Logan is not just Thomas’s logic but also his curiosity we can see that there’s a clear divide between a primary function (logic) and a secondary function (curiosity). If Logan were to suddenly reverse which function he paid primary attention to then Thomas’s mindscape would be a mess. Curiosity in the driver’s seat with logic riding in the back? Unlikely to work out well.
But in a way, that’s exactly what Roman is doing and I think it might be caused by multiple factors. I think Roman’s main function is supposed to be ego, not creativity. Creativity is needed for every individual but not every individual is a creative person. Someone different may have their ego connected with their curiosity/drive to learn, while others might combine their ego with their empathy - it would most likely depend on what sub-function feeds that individual’s ego. The secondary function is meant to act as a support for the primary function (Logic & curiosity, morality & emotions/empathy, fight or flight & anxiety, self preservation & deceit, “dark” creativity & intrusive thoughts). 
Roman is treating creativity like it’s the primary function, and there are a couple main reasons this could be. One is that because Roman was split from the original creativity, who may have also encompassed the ego, he was very confused after being yanked in half and simply didn’t realize he had obtained the ego until later (and if you didn’t notice it, can it really be that important?). Another is that ego is often associated with pride, and pride is not considered a “good” thing to have. Most people have a very negative connotation of pride. You say someone’s a “proud” person and it means they’re stubborn, you say someone is prideful and it means they’re arrogant. 
Patton, our morality, is clearly put on a pedestal by Roman as seen in the most recent videos, and Roman feels like he knows that Patton would disapprove if he were to show his more egotistical side. The thing is, ego is just how a person perceives themselves when you put it in simple terms. Ego at its healthiest is a sense of self-respect. Go too far in one direction and yes, you’ll get arrogance. My concern lies in going too far the other direction, because in an effort to be “good” for Patton and the others, Roman is starving his ego instead, which can cause major self confidence issues going forward.
Honestly, I think maybe a cool option would be if Roman could somehow give a large portion of his hand in creativity to Remus. I talked before in my other post about how sometimes it feels like Remus doesn’t have a proper “helpful” function for Thomas and that could be due to only being half a side. When Roman and Remus split it seems like the split may have been uneven, and in fact the dark creativity be sequestered to one person might be what’s causing the intrusive thoughts - they might very well be Remus’s, not Thomas’s.
Giving Remus a larger portion of creativity from Roman would mean that his ideas wouldn’t always be unusable, gross, or illegal. He might be able to actually help Roman brainstorm without being distracted by the constant chatter in his own head! Likewise, having less creative function would make it easier for Roman to focus on being Thomas’s ego and working on what’s best for Thomas’s self-respect and self-image. It might also make sense that with responsibilities shifting, perhaps intrusive thoughts could be co-handled by Remus and Virgil both. Functions working together just seems like it would be more efficient.
This is already long so let me add a few more off-the-cuff things to my headcanons/aus list:
Virgil’s main function is fight or flight, not anxiety. Anxiety was just the most “noticeable” thing about him, and so the other functions (and Thomas) labeled him the best way they knew how at the time. They never started calling him fight or flight because they had already been calling him anxiety for so long, and because it doesn’t have the same ring to it. The same goes for Janus with his primary trait being self preservation and secondary being deceit. 
In this particular au where I’m making it canon that Roman’s main trait is ego and not creativity, when all the responsibilities shift it changes Remus’s functions from dark creativity & intrusive thoughts to ingenuity & resilience. No particular reason, I just want nice things for Remus. 
Anyway, what if a dark side is just a demonized side? Which is why when Roman becomes ego or pride for a lot of people he becomes “dark.” It’s a perception thing.
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sketch-guardian · 1 year
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I might've read something you said regarding a Nightbringer version of the classmates 👀
May we know a little bit more about them?
Much love! 💞
- Isa
You read well dear Isa😌I was thinking of creating some art concepts of the RAD classmates in Nightbringer🤔therefore of their past selves and as soon as I have time, I will try to sketch them✨Also of course! I don't mind giving some info about my ocs😊actually I will probably write more than I should🤣but I want to be as precise and exhaustive as possible, so as usual I will try my best🙈also thank you very much for the love! I'll send some right back at you💜 (p.s.: I think there's no need to specify this, but obviously the behavior of the Nightbringer RAD classmates will be a little different than the present):
RAD CLASSMATES IN NIGHTBRINGER
(considering that MC arrives in the past about one/two years after the end of the war against the Celestial Realm, I will set their characters and their social status at that time)
DEMYA
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In that period Demya was definitely scruffier and had trouble speaking and verbalizing her thoughts, in fact she was still learning how to communicate, read and write, she acted mainly on her demonic instincts (a bit like Satan-) and she was slowly civilized, to re-enter the society of demons and to avoid being locked up in case she created problems for Devildom, especially since she would not have tolerated the idea of ​​being put back in chains...she would seem quite curious, but also hesitant and wary of new people besides the other RAD classmates, especially of humans, whom she still held grudge against considering what they've done to her and her family and her instinct would be to tear them apart, but Azul is trying to teach her self-control and the fact that not all human beings are like that, maybe even MC could help her change her mind and have faith in humanity again.Aside from that, she occasionally showed moments of joy, especially when she was allowed to feed as much as she wanted and when learned something new, still she seemed to have mixed feelings towards Domnra, despite him being the one who (unintentionally) freed her. Demya generally looked a little closer to Azul, perhaps due to the fact that he was the one primarily concerned with her rehabilitation, when he was mentally stable enough to do so of course. The three seemed to share some kind of strange sibiling relationship and having never seen angels at the time, having spent her childhood on earth among humans, Demya doesn't particularly mind communicating with them like other demons, despite them being angels not too long ago, however she would be slightly intimidated by Zuri (which would then pass in the future). With Odon she would feel quite at ease, being born a demon too, most likely there would be a little more understanding, complicity and Demya would not show fear, just due to the simple fact that she had never heard of them
DOMNRA(MOBIM)
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At that time Domnra's anger issues were certainly more unmanageable and alternated with moments in which his only comfort was to be alone in the darkness, his new element,where he could cry and scream without appearing weak. He felt betrayed and abandoned by what he once thought of as home, but he knew he had to stay strong for Azul, the one who had taken their fall the hardest, and Zuri, who was fighting for giving them the chance to live and not just survive in Devildom. From a physical point of view he was also in quite bad shape, it took him a while to heal from his scars and it took him a few years to get used to being blind in one eye, wounds all caused during the Celestial War, but one of the things that put him more in trouble was the birth of Mobim, a curse that had been placed on him, a manifestation of the innocence and goodness he had lost, a constant reminder of his past ... at first, Domnra couldn't even look at its face , that frightened littlte creature, bound to him and forced to follow him forever, once Domnra even tried to escape to Earth for a while to avoid Mobim and it was there that he freed Demya by mistake. Partly he didn't even agree to take her home, but eventually he convinced himself that maybe having a demon on their side could be useful in Devildom and maybe such thing as helping someone,like he used to do as an angel, would distract Azul enough from his depressing episodes. Only over time Domnra would learn to accept Mobim as part of himself, however in the past their relationship wasn't the best
AZUL
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At that time Azul was really in bad conditions, of all people, he was the one who took their fall from the Celestial Realm the worst, losing his beautiful butterfly wings and being attacked by the angels he used to consider his friends..those things were what made him snap into a blind madness, into a killing spree that he didn't think he was capable of, he had completely lost his mind for a brief lass of time, his usual light blue features turned a pitch black, the trauma was too much to bear and in addition to killing many angels, he also risked attacking Domnra, if Zuri hadn't intervened to make him come to his senses, she also took care of their wounds and then found them a place to stay, in the early days they all lived together for a matter of comfort and practicality, only later everyone would find their own home. Azul alternated moments of depression with moments of anger, but he tried to stay positive and Demya's arrival gave him an opportunity to distract himself and to train in order to control his new mood swings. He met new creatures, including spirits and ghosts, developed new skills and gradually began to become increasingly demonic and sadistic, and despite everything he began to better metabolize these changes and to accept his new life
ZURI
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In that period Zuri didn't seem particularly upset by the events, at least on the outside. She felt a kind of duty to hold on and to protect the friends who had fought alongside her during the war, therefore she kept within herself the pain and the sadness she felt for how events had unfolded and she concentrated on keeping Domnra, Mobim, Azul and then Demya safe as a result, healing their wounds and fighting against any demon who dared facing them in their weak states. Although she had no regrets for her actions and although she felt freer than before, Zuri knew she no longer held an important position as before and she felt responsible for the safety of her friends, who had yet to process their traumas, so after having heard that other fallen angels had risen in position and importance by defeating Cerberus, she chose to act so that she, Azul, Domnra and Mobim could live with a shred of dignity and decided to go and face alone one of the most dangerous demons in hell, that barely showed themselves around and that many feared, even Barbatos...Odon. In the end the plan did not go as she had previously planned, but the result was still beneficial, she accepted Odon's conditions and from that moment on, the other demons began to respect/fear the other RAD classmates
ODON
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In that period Odon limited themselves to observe with their eye-like creatures how things were going in Devildom, they had personally retired some time ago in a more hidden and peaceful environment, in the middle of the woods, in the meanders of a cave, so as not to frighten anyone anymore with their frightening presence and to reflect on themselves and their future, probably on the advice of Lord Diavolo too, one of the few who had the courage to speak to them, even when they were children. Diavolo told them about his project with RAD and Odon saw it as an opportunity to start over from scratch, even though they knew it wouldn't be easy at all, their social skills were still poor and the memories of their past actions were still too fresh for others demons to be willing to give them a chance, so when an opportunity presented itself, namely the fall of some angels from the Celestial Realm,Odon started to pay even more attention. At first they thought of trying with the seven brothers, but after having observed them for a long time, they thought it wasn't the case and that it would have been necessary to wait some more time for them to settle in,Odon doubted that they would have welcomed their eldritch person ... but in the end, it was another former angel who introduced herself to them, Zuri. Actually, her initial plan was to kill them to take their place and status as one of the most dangerous and powerful demons in history in order to finally get respected, which honestly Odon found quite funny, however they proposed another deal, a pact that would have benefited both of them, without the need for unnecessary bloodshed. The conditions were simple: Odon would be associated with them, consequently making them untouchable and fearsome, while they in return...would become Odon's "friends" or at least they would give him the opportunity to get to know them, giving them the chance to go out and to try to improve. Odon knew it was a strange arrangement, but they were happy that Zuri seemed to be reasonable. Odon used to be a bit awkward while interacting with people in the past and unintentionally creepy too, due to their big smile
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prydon · 1 year
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Hey weird ask but the penumbra podcast wikipedia seems like it hasn't been updated, and I really don't wanna listen to season 4 mostly cause of the jett stuff. Did Nureyev ever come back??? Is dead like what happened with that??? No need to answer I just remembered you're my favorite juno steel artist and last I saw like a few months ago you were still making art
[tpp season 4 spoilers ahead]
i'm not sure how much info you want, but re: nureyev, juno listened to the rest of the journal and discovered the source of his debt, and nureyev was heavily implied to show up at the dark matters prison and aid in the family's escape (aka, he did, juno just didn't actually see his face bc he was disguised as a guard).
his last message in the journal was telling juno not to come looking for him, implying that something had happened between him beginning to write it and him writing the last entry that made him believe it was too dangerous for juno to involve himself with him anymore. the season ends with juno deciding to do so anyway, and going with rita in the ruby 7 to track down nureyev.
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priestess-of-yuri · 1 year
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Hi, Alice the witch. I am at a complete dead end currently in my life where I so desperately want things to change for the better but I have no way of knowing if the path that I am choosing is the right one for me. I sorta feel like my whole life is just gonna feel like this, where I just fall into a job I dont like, live in a city I feel is too small for me and that is just the way it is supposed to be for me. At the same time I am so sick of the suffering and pain. My whole life just feels like a dark shadow where if I get hopeful about something, it is ripped away from me momentarily. What can I do in this situation? Is there any possibility of things becoming more clear to me in terms of my career? Sincerely, Ghastly confused 20year old going through a quarter life crisis for the entirety of my life actually. Thank you in advance :) <3
hi there :) i hope i can lend you some perspective and shine a light on things for you. let's get into the readings! 🍃🦋💗
for your tarot reading:
Justice in reverse -- with this Major Arcana card casting a theme over your reading, you are called to learn from all of your past experiences. not just the good, but the bad, and the "fugly", too. everything that you have been through is at your disposal and can become something that is useful to you. seek balance. seek a life of balance. of light and shadow, "good" and "bad". because it's all important. through seeking to understand how it can be balanced in some way, you will be able to learn how to move forward in a way that feels authentic to you. you're not a lost cause, you have so much potential within you. you simply need to face your fears. your fears are not your enemy -- they are there to guide you. protect you. serve you. every shadow you have is the same. light isn't always good and shadow isn't always bad. learn the difference, learn how to be discerning, learn how to be introspective in a way that cherishes kindness, forgives curiosity, adores patience. no matter where you go, no matter if your life gets chaotic and seemingly unpredictable or confusing, your path is always one of love.
Knight of Cups -- in this, i see you are a true romantic at heart. you might love romance, you might long for a happily ever after. this isn't wrong of you. this is your truth, and your truth is crucial to your life. live following your heart, seeking connections, being creative. since you asked about your career, you may be being called to something creative specifically. this can be stem, but usually it is indicative of the arts or even something extremely non-traditional. again, i will say this: follow your heart. magic is real and you can create the life you desire with your own hands -- remember that you are supported in this, too. the Universe cradles you gently, and wants you to succeed.
8 of Cups in reverse -- this is a card of literally being disappointed with your life and walking away from something... but also you know what else it says? choosing your sacred path is the biggest act of self-love you can enact. once you choose your sacred path, you choose yourself. that is love. that is self-love. it's so so important right now for you to let go of that which doesn't serve you. it can be anything, and only you can decide what it is. you don't have to do anything immediately either. but know that by shedding outgrown expectations, hopes, people, ideas, beliefs, guilt, or ways of being -- you can grow. you can realise your dreams. you can blossom into something new, but that which you always had the potential to become.
for your oracle reading:
(side note -- this is insane to me, but i did shuffle this deck and got EXACTLY THE SAME cards that i pulled for myself in an earlier reading. 🚶🏽 omg. GDNDHDDJ we must be resonating deeply or something...)
The Seas of Mintaka -- Mintaka is said to be a planet that had crystal clear waters the likes of which you could not even imagine, so clear that you could see for miles deep down. water usually represents emotions or the subconscious, so this is a calling to delve deep. feel yourself through your emotions instead of rejecting them outright. they are not your enemies, they are your dear friends telling you information about yourself and your situation. you need to simply learn their language. learn your internal language. carl jung once said "that which we do not bring to consciousness appears in our life as fate". you can practice diving deep so you can harness your fate. try speaking your emotions aloud more, empathizing, and journalling. this is the key to unlocking more and more of your soul.
All Paths Lead Home -- you can learn to trust your instincts, your intuition. it's so normal to look to the external to seek guidance, but what's revolutionary is turning your gaze inwards. you're being called to develop a feeling of connection with your soul. deep, deep down there is a place where you can feel at home, and when you act in the physical world, you can come from this place -- come from it and be kind, and unshakeable. you're being called to develop this feeling of "at homeness" -- by practicing relying on your intuition. you know yourself best. you know what you need and want. you are the only one that can decide what your true path is. all these things are true, but not because i've said them. these things are true for everyone, and for you, too. how can you develop your connection, or relationship, with yourself to become more secure and certain?
Baby Steps -- you don't need to know where you're heading to begin your journey. you don't need to know where your path leads to take the first step. so take that first step, and keep walking. one baby step at a time. this is a card that signals you are already on the path to fruition. intuition doesn't show you the end result -- even if we want it to. intuition shows you a general direction, a distinct sense of "right", and then you can follow it. and that's all you need to do to live authentically. you don't owe anyone explanations -- anyone who supports you will do just that, unconditionally. "it feels right" is more than enough reason for you to do something.
The Blue Flame -- these beings are talking about healing. integration. activation. any past pain or hurt you're feeling has so much potential to be healed right now. you're likely feeling it, like an internal storm whipping winds and rain about inside. that's normal. you're healing. it may take effort and time on your part, but it's so possible to become more yourself. you need only listen to your intuition, face your fears, and take baby steps.
thank you for reading, dear traveller ✨🍃🦋💕 i hope you found this helpful. remember to leave feedback on my site so i can thank you by putting it on my site.
and to the rest of you, see my pinned for rules when requesting free readings!
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mikecrewsteacup · 2 years
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Hi! Your “who howls my name” fic is literally my favorite fic on a03 right now. Im really fucking enjoying it and am so excited for everything you’ve got planned. Absolutely loved the “from gerard to gerry” in the last chapter.
I’ve got two questions. One, is there any particular fan art you have that shows how you imagine jon and Gerry in the fic? I know a lot of people imagine them different ways, and even though I usually go for majority fanon jon (dark hair, darker skin, short) I’ve noticed you describe him a little differently so I was just curious.
Second question, are we ever gonna get Georgie and Melanie? This one’s just out of personal curiosity bc they are my favorites and I would love to see them meet Gerry! (Not even entertaining a possibility where they AREN’T girlfriends) (Jkjk)
Thanks for all your work and time going into this fic! You are very talented and I can’t wait to read the rest 🥰😍
!!! This is so sweet to hear, thank you anon for letting me know you like it so much :) I am also loving working on it - it's one of my faves - but my self-confidence that others will like my output is a fickle thing, so this is so kind of you to reach out and let me know you're enjoying it. Gerard-to-Gerry reveals are some of my favorite things to read haha so I was super excited to do my own take on it, I'm thrilled you enjoyed. So it's funny, you're the second person to ask about my headcanons for this fic for their appearances! Which isn't bad at all, but my choice to make Jon blond was a genuinely random one and based on wanting him to feel sort of washed-out and homely with his white-plagued hair LMAO but I'd say I typically imagine him in my head differently! But here is someone who draws blond Jon who I ADORE the art of, and they just came to tumblr from twt too. I don't quite imagine him with an undercut, though... (Also I'll say that I actually usually imagine Jon like how this person draws him, I just had to pick a hair color in chapter 3 or 4 of the fic and blond won, lol.) As for Gerry, I imagine him looking on the more masc and plain end of goth - with piercings but little to no makeup, heavy boots & leather jacket, etc. Here are some great fanarts that are mostly how I imagine Gerry (and the first art of blond Jon has a Gerry design I enjoy as well, for hair/facial structure). (There is another artist who's nearly 100% it but I cannot find them, they're only on twt and someone recently reposted their art here tho...hm.) I don't personally imagine Gerry has lip rings or gauges or even wears eyeliner (he seems both too practical and too tired for shit that can get caught on things, or that would cause extra pain, or that would require constant re-application) but I do tend to think of him as having multiple ear piercings & probably a bridge as his facial piercing. There is actually an entire future conversation in my doc for this fic where he and Jon discuss his piercings! :D And ooh, Georgie & Melanie! Georgie will likely remain as mentions only, but Melanie actually has an entire pre-written scene (which I may need to rewrite to keep the flow), so she will almost definitely appear :) And yes they are always girlfriends LOL. In order to keep a tighter grip on the length & plot we will probably only meet Archives cast, and not all of those, either. Thanks so much for messaging me! It's very sweet of you to say so ksdjfksdf and nice to hear <3 I hope you keep reading and enjoying :D
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Text
A Long December
This piece was originally written about my character, Deanna Berger, from my novels The Transition Piece, and its sequel, Hard Science and Modern Art. (There might be some minor spoilers for blog readers who haven’t read these books.) And it’s also about a few songs that aren’t really about Christmas/the holiday season, and holiday stress, and the ever-changing nature of life…the waves of positive and negative…of good and bad…of regret and gratitude. But re-reading this piece this year hit me differently, because...well...this has been a tough year. And this HAS been a long December. Hell, it's been a long 3-6 years; let's be real.
I know, right? Can’t we just do Holly Jolly Christmas things? You’re a self-professed sap, Jen. Your December is packed full of romantic sentimentality. You make up hopeful fictional love stories and even when it’s not Christmas, you’re kind of annoyingly preachy about peace on Earth and goodwill toward men (and WOMEN TOO dammit!). So like…do we need to be all deep and philosophical and arguably dark right now?
Well…yeah.
See, I love December. It’s full of memories about when I met J. It’s the month our son was born in. Those are unquestioningly the two best things that have ever happened to me, the two biggest pieces of my soul, the two most important people in my life, who both came to me in December. But I know not everyone loves it, and even in my own spectacular Decembers, there have been some shitty parts. I like to focus on the positives in life, because that’s how I operate the best and healthiest. But I haven’t forgotten about the problems. And I know for many people (sometimes my own self included), December can be hard. (It was hard this year).
We’ve all lost someone we miss and think about them in December because of holidays centered around people we love, or sometimes actual grief anniversaries, and shortening winter days, and the year coming to an end. Many people (myself included) have strained or difficult or even abusive or non-existent relationships with their families. Being around them out of obligation causes a lot of stress; nearly inevitable hostile confrontation causes stress; feeling judged or ignored or lonely causes sadness…and ramps up anxiety.
Deanna’s December is hard. She’s had some unequivocally good things happen for her in December. But she’s also had some terrible things happen to her. And she definitely feels that holiday strain, dealing with her family. For Deanna, it’s decidedly NOT The Most Wonderful Time of the Year.
She normally focused on what she’d lost in December, and I know there are many people who do this. And she felt extra obligation to spend time with her parents, who were not the most supportive people to her, even through the hardest parts of her life (which happened in December). So even the parts of her life that were good and that she was immensely grateful for felt overshadowed by sadness and anxiety and doubt. She felt weighed down by feelings of inadequacy and regret. I’ve been there. I know a lot of people have been there and ARE there, right now. I know a lot of people who get down every year in December. I had a friend of mine tell me once that her father, for every year of his life that she could remember, cried each New Year’s Eve. And he had a great life, and he was normally a cheerful, grateful, positive and optimistic man. December just has that effect on a lot of people. It makes people think about endings and mortality, because it’s the end of the year, and we remember people we once spent holidays with that are no longer there, or relationships that are difficult that we wish were loving and full of ease and contentment instead. Social obligation forces these things into the light in December. And that’s not even mentioning financial and diet/health pressures and management. (Oh just eat the fudge…the cookies…have another helping of the…it’s CHRISTMAS…Oh we have to get a gift for the teacher/mailman/your Aunt Barbara/but so-and-so is a vegan and this other person has a peanut allergy and we have to accommodate all of that into the holiday meals and we can’t leave out X if we got a gift for Y and…)
Deanna spent a lot of Decembers feeling alone and hardening herself to all of the emotional up and down and the connections…the obligatory ones that wore her down and the real ones she lost and feared losing. But when she met Jake…and later…even more so…when she met Bobby…her outlook on December brightened up.
This has been one of my favorite songs since the first time I heard it. It’s kinda like me. It’s melancholy and sentimental and full of nostalgia and memory and wistful lyricism (that’s what Counting Crows are all about…it’s why I love them and have since I was in high school). But as gray and somber as it is, it’s also stubbornly optimistic. And I think that’s not only me, that’s Deanna too. That’s how that particular one of my characters is like me. She’s been through some shit. She remembers all of it. But ‘there’s reason to believe maybe this year will be better than the last.’ This is one of her favorite songs too. And the connections she’s made give her that hope that things will always improve…the gray won’t last forever…December may be long, but it always rolls around to January. Deanna knows endings lead to new beginnings. So do I.
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neonacity · 3 years
Text
NOCTURNE: RENJUN X READER | CHAPTER 2
PAIRING: YANDERE! RENJUN X READER
NOCTURNE: A DREAMY PIECE OF WORK RELATING TO THE NIGHT OR DARKNESS IN GENERAL.
“And what if… It is the villain you fall for? What then?”
Genre/Warnings: minor character death, yandere/manipulative Renjun, cheating, abusive relationship dynamics/marriage. This is the third part of my Dark Fairytale series with Dream’s 00 line. It has been months since I posted the last chapter so I do suggest a quick re-read of the first one for a refresher. This is loosely connected to Haechan’s one shot also linked below: 
> CHAPTER 1
Orphic | Haechan x Reader | Royalty!AU
Nighted | Jaemin x Reader | Vampire!AU
Summary:
Renjun’s nature has always given him assurance over one thing: that regardless of which century or lifetime he lives, he’ll never run out of love and affection from anyone he sets his desires on. As a Gancanagh—a fairy born to seduce and claim mortals—he was designed to be the object of lust and want of everyone, which is why it felt like the universe was finally punishing him when he finally came across the only woman he could ever want, but never have.
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The gentle clinking of porcelain and the soft rustling of pages were the only sounds that broke the suffocating silence in the room. You were sitting beside a window overlooking the manor grounds below, a drawing book with a half finished portrait resting on your lap. Your mother sat across from you like a perfect porcelain doll, her eyes the only ones moving as she continued with her silent reading. Every now and then, she would flip a page or take a sip of her tea which have long since turned lukewarm after sitting too long. You didn't mind each other, and you've long since checked out from the company as you stared blankly at the view beyond.
Your manicured gardens glistened under the sun like a gem, but its beauty didn't strike any positive feelings in you as you gazed at it silently. If anything, it caused a bitter taste to bloom at the back of your throat the longer that you looked at it. Silently, you wondered just how much it must have cost again to pay for the ground's monthly upkeep. Its grandness was the exact opposite of what is going on inside your manor and you wondered which of your mother's jewels have been sold off again just so your family could keep up the front of luxury you obviously cannot afford anymore.
"Have you heard from the Huangs again?"
Your train of thought was cut short by the woman's voice across from you. Looking around, you slightly rearranged yourself on your seat and picked up your pencil again as a distraction. She wasn't looking at you, her eyes on the pages of her book still, but she must have noticed what you had been thinking earlier. You cleared your throat softly before offering an answer. 
"I have not, mother. I haven't really come across their paths again," you answered as you continued with the shading of the portrait you've been working on. You felt her gaze finally settle on you at your emotionless reply.
"You are in the same art class as one of their boys, right?"
"The younger one, yes. Renjun Huang."
"Ah, the orphan."
Your hands stilled over her words. You barely noticed the way your fingers grasped the pencil you were holding, your knuckles almost turning white as you pressed the charcoal harder against the paper. The bitter taste on your tongue was back and you tried your best to swallow it without saying anything.
"I heard his older brother visits him every once in a while."
You don't know if it's her dismissive tone that was grating on your nerves or the way she entirely pushed the younger Huang into the background, but it took you everything to relax your jaw so you could give a curt reply.
"He does. I have come across Lord Yun a few weeks back during one of my classes but I have not seen him again since."
This time, it was your mother's turn to fall silent. You already have a hunch of what she was thinking, but you were still taken by surprise when she actually voiced it out.
"I think you should start considering being close friends with his younger brother."
You looked up, disbelief written all over your features.
"Why?"
She raised a well-kept brow as if you just asked a senseless question.
"Because you have more chances of being friends with him. You are closer in age and you see each other more. He can give you the window to get to know Lord Yun better."
"Mother—"
"They might have reached out for an engagement proposal but they are moving too slow. I don't understand why they are taking forever."
"I am not going to force a friendship with someone because of that!"
The look she gave you made the words instantly die in your throat. For the first time in such a long time, you noticed the dark circles under her eyes and the lines that have crept into her face. She is still the stunning beauty that she is, but you also can't deny the emotions she could barely conceal beneath her polished perfection.
Anger. Desperation. Exhaustion.
There was the obvious tiredness of dealing with the fear of falling from grace and the exhaustion of always putting up a fake front. She is desperate.
Desperate enough to sell off her daughter.
"I don't think you have an understanding of what is going on here," she said coldly now, her eyes piercing you with a chill that sank deep in your bones. "You do not have a choice, silly child. None of us do. Your marriage is the only thing that can save our family after your failure of a father gambled off all of his inheritance and mine. That chair you are sitting on, even the silk on your back, all of those will be gone soon if nothing changes."
"And for some reason it is my responsibility to do something when I—"
The sound of porcelain breaking and crashing cut off your words. Your mother stood up so fast from her seat that she accidentally swiped the tea set, causing all of its contents to spill on the floor. You looked up at her in shock, then at the mess on the rug where the dark liquid spread like the color of dried up blood.
"I will not take any words from an ungrateful brat like you," she hissed at you now with venom, her voice soft but chilling. Her hands shook at her sides, now rid of the rings that used to decorate them. "I know you cannot survive a life of poverty just like the rest of us, so unless you can give up everything that you have, I will not accept any talking back from you."
You were frozen in fear and the impact of her words, but you barely had any chance to recover when a knock echoed from outside the door. That seemed to be a wakeup call for your mother as she suddenly turned to stare at the direction of the noise. She let a few seconds pass, gathering herself, before finally calling out to the visitor.
"Come in."
The pair of you watched as a uniformed maid came in with a silver platter in her hands. With quick steps, she crossed the threshold and gave a brief curtsy before presenting what she had been carrying with her thin hands. Resting on the silver tray she was holding was a plain black envelope held closed by a golden wax seal that glimmered under the room’s light. 
"Madam, this was just sent by horse."
Your eyes widened when you finally had a closer look at the emblem. You tried  your best to keep calm, but you still couldn’t help the slight shaking of your fingers as you unconsciously fisted them on the fabric of your skirt. Your mother did a better job at masking her reaction, but the look in her eyes told her that she also realized the same as she reached out for the letter. She tore the cover open with a well manicured nail and didn’t waste any time to pull out the card nestled inside.
The silence that passed was brief but loaded. You watched as she slowly read out the words there before putting it down again. She then looked at you, a glint now brewing in her eyes despite her unreadable expression.
"Air out her best dresses and make a call to our fitters," she said calmly to the maid despite her gaze staying on you. You returned her order with a confused look, to which she only slightly smiled in reply.
"She has a ball to go to."
******* "I can't believe we're here," Seri whispered from your side as she partly hid her face from the folding fan she was holding. You nodded numbly, barely registering her words, despite your mind buzzing with the same sentiments she has. Your eyes gave your surroundings another quick scan, as if you're expecting that everything unfolding in front of you right now will turn out to be a dream in a blink of an eye. 
It didn’t. You really are in the palace ballroom, an expansive space made with a combination of gilded black and white marble. Flocks of people floated around in their puffy dresses and well-pressed suits, half of their faces covered in their choice of tasteful masks. The soft sound of chatter and glasses clinking together made you even more anxious, and you nervously tried to fix your own mask, a simple white and gold lace number that gave justice to the color of your eyes. It provided interest to your otherwise virginal dress, a white number also trimmed with lace and pearls. You hated how innocent and pure it made you look, but your mother insisted, saying it was the perfect choice for the occasion.
"We all know why you are going there. Seeing you in white will surely make Lord Yun give you that ring."
You quickly fished for a flute of sparkling wine from one of the uniformed butlers roving around with their silver carts before your nervousness could get best of you. You thought your nerves should have calmed down by now, but you were still on edge for some reason you really couldn't put your finger on. The only good thing about the night so far was that you also have Seri by your side since  the Huangs' invitation extended to an additional person to join you and your parents’ party. If you're going to be honest, she is the only person keeping you grounded right now from the flood of stimuli overloading your senses.
"It's the King." Your dear friend's hushed whisper broke you from your internal battle with your nerves. Looking around, your gaze landed on the grand staircase situated at the head of the room just in time as a boy around your age emerged at the top of it. The rest of the room fell into a hush as they watched him move with innate grace, his gold trimmed royal suit catching the light from the chandeliers above as he made his way down the steps. Even with his mask covering half of his face, nobody can deny his  charismatic aura as he moved confidently under the watchful gazes of his subjects. 
He was the center of everyone's attention, but he wasn't the only one receiving the admirable stares of the crowd. Your eyes particularly slipped towards the girl silently shadowing his side, her arm linked loosely with the young King's elbow. Unlike the other royal who seems to sparkle with wit and natural charisma, his muse was silent, withdrawn, and maybe even a little cold with the way she carried herself. Clad in deep blue silk, she was the exact opposite of her consort's brightness… like summer and winter coming together. You could assume that she was also very beautiful from the curve of her features that you could make out under her mask, though she possessed the type of perfection that will seem to cut you when you get too close.
"That's King Donghyuck…?"
"King Haechan. His Royal Highness apparently decided to take a different name when he took over the throne."
You and Seri whispered in the softest of voices as the couple finally reached the ballroom floor. Everyone parted like the Red Sea as they started to make way towards the head table on a raised stage at the other end of the ballroom, the guests bowing respectfully as they passed them by. You did the same before they could even reach your spot and you saw Seri mirror your actions in your peripheral vision.
"Who is the girl?" You whispered again without even lifting your head.
"The new Queen. Nobody knows who she is and where she came from, but she was immediately granted the crown when His Highness ascended."
Before you even realized what you were doing, you found yourself raising your eyes just in time as the couple passed by. Immediately, you froze as your gaze locked with the girl who seemed to already be studying you from under her long lashes. You blinked. You weren't sure if it was just your imagination, but you thought you saw a ghost of a smile quirk the corners of her lips before she broke her stare on you. It was the type of smile that looked to be full of secrets... as if she was silently pleased by something only she understands.
"Welcome to the Summer Palace," your attention was broken by the light and lilting voice of the King as he turned to finally address the room. "This celebration had been a long time coming, but I'm glad all of you here were still able to make time to celebrate my recent ascension. Summer has finally come to our lands after years of unforgiving winter and it is rightful for us to show our thankfulness to the heavens with tonight's festivities. I expect everyone here to drink and dance like you've never done before. The night doesn't end until I say so."
The crowd's soft hum of agreement was only barely heard as the deep notes of orchestra music filled the space in perfect timing. Curiously, you looked around and saw the rest of the guests exchanging smiles and coupling together to get ready for the night's first dance. You didn't waste any time to turn to Seri, your hand already circling around her wrist to pull her out of the way.
"I think we should go to a calmer area first. We'll be in the way for the—"
"My Lady, would you care to have a dance?"
You turned on your heel promptly to find the source of the polite voice that called out to you. The boy in question stood just a couple of feet away from where you are, his lone form standing out in the sea of couples already starting to sway with the music. He looked radiant in his white suit and his eyes sparkled with humble shyness, but there is no mistaking the beauty of the light brown gaze behind his mask.
You felt your heart stutter as your lips formed his name. 
"Lord Yun."
******* "You look very beautiful tonight."
Yun’s voice sounded clear despite the classical music filling up the halls of the ballroom. Your eyes fell at a spot on his chest, right on the brooch bearing his family’s crest that he was wearing with his tuxedo. You could feel your cheeks pooling up with heat under his soft gaze and you couldn't be more thankful for the hundredth time that night that you had a mask to cover up your childish blush. Clearing your throat softly, you tried your best to return the compliment with the steadiest voice you can offer.
"As you are, Sir. Thank you very much for extending this invitation to us. It is indeed an experience to be invited to the royal ball."
"Ah… My father was a close confidante of the former king and Renjun himself is a same-age friend of his highness. It was his idea to reach out to close allies of the family. I… hope we didn't surprise you too much when we sent the invitation over," he answered with a slightly sheepish tone as he skillfully guided you to turn in his arms. That made you finally lift your eyes towards his face for the first time since you started to dance, an almost ironic smile pulling at your lips in answer.
"No… my family was very happy to receive it," you replied evenly and with practiced calm. How could they hate it when they were already presented with the golden ticket to the kingdom's highest of social circles, right? And before you even got married, too. 
"I have met them earlier and they were very gracious as usual. I believe they've joined my parents for dinner tonight. Perhaps we can sit with them later… if you wish?"
The way he phrased that question was so careful and calculated that it also urged you to take a couple of seconds before giving your reply. To be honest, you are very much aware that the stage of playing innocent about his agenda has long passed now, but that doesn't mean that you are entirely ready about what comes next. Sending over his intention to be one of the candidates for your hand is one thing, but unlocking the opportunity for your family to join their inner, more exclusive circle has pushed the envelope even more. In the world you live in, courting is more like a game and a dance. Each step is calculated, each sway hiding a meaning of its own.
Unfortunately for you, you've made yourself a participant to that very game the moment you stepped foot into this ball. It may not have been fully your choice, but it is what it is, no matter which angle you try to look at it. Your parents know it, as does his family, and now, the pair of you are expected to continue on with the dance that has already been put into motion.
You didn't like it… but it isn't like you are entirely hateful towards it, too. You've always known that an arranged marriage is what's waiting for you at the end of the line, and looking at your current predicament, you think you could have done worse. The man standing in front of you right now is everything a woman your age and standing could ever wish for in a husband so surely, you are not getting the short end of the stick here. Not once have Yun imposed his presence on you, despite the rank and wealth of his family. Even now, he was still giving you the choice to say no to something if it wasn't within your comforts. He is kind… and that holds a lot of weight for someone who hasn't been at the receiving end of it for so long.
Yes, you may not be in love with him, but he is definitely someone you can learn to love.
"Yes… I would be honored to meet your parents, my Lord."
The music around you shifted, urging the two of you to get closer just as you said those words. Yun pulled you in a little bit closer against him, but left enough space to respect your personal boundaries even as he smiled down on you radiantly. It was you who took the extra step to close the distance a little bit more as your lips tilted to form the first genuine smile you've given in such a long time.
*******
“Don’t you find it incredibly ironic, how fate seems to find its own way to spite us even without the help of black magic?”
Renjun’s gaze didn’t waver from the couple swaying gracefully on the edge of the dance floor despite the new visitor joining his company. He was currently standing next to one of the farthest windows in the room a few feet away from the crowd, his form partly covered by the shadows from the darkness outside. Instead of answering the question, he silently lifted the flute of wine he was holding to his lips with the hope of washing down the bitter taste coating his tongue.
"Shouldn't you be sitting prettily next to your King, your Highness?" He tried to ask calmly after downing the golden liquid from his glass. Light laughter answered his question, the sound grating at his already raw nerves.
A girl in a blue dress took a step closer to where he was, the gems in her silk gown catching some of the slivers of moonlight streaming from the windows. Her eyes were also set on the couple and she leaned her head just a little bit to the side as her perfect lips upturned into an amused smile. It took Renjun everything not to turn towards the her to give her a poisonous look.
"Ah… Renjun. I can't believe that I'll actually witness your turn to pine for someone this soon. It is so amusing, a Gancanagh falling in love with a human. I have to say… of all the curses I have ever given, yours might be my favorite."
His fingers flexed around the stem of the wine glass he was holding as her taunting words filled the charged air between them. He hated the truth behind her jeers, hated the way how he couldn't even manage to mask the waves of jealousy coursing through his veins at the moment. He watched as his brother slightly bent over the woman in his arms, causing her to laugh at whatever it is he just whispered. His sharp eyes didn't miss the way her eyes sparkled with genuine happiness, one emotion that she hadn't granted him ever in the many times they've come face to face.
"I guess you should be thanking me for giving you a source of amusement? Surely your life has gone dull after you let a mortal man claim you as his," he shot back, the venom in his voice now barely concealed by his soft tone. A soft sigh fanned his cheek in answer and he saw the other move to stand closer to him in his peripheral vision.
"I may have lost my freedom, but at least I am with someone who loves me with all of his heart. I don't think we have the same predicament, when the apple of your eye can't even bear to spare you a look. Maybe you should skin your brother alive and adopt his face so she could give you some of her time?"
"She is not in love with him."
"Yet. She is not in love with him… yet."
For the first time that night Renjun finally moved to direct his glare at the woman. Dark red embers glowed from the depths of his brown eyes, giving a glimpse of his true nature hidden beneath his mortal facade. Anyone who would have seen him now would think he is a creature fresh from a nightmare—all angles and darkness—but even the slip of his true form didn't move the sorceress standing in front of him. Instead, she met his silent wrath with a slow smile, her own eyes glowing blue, matching his fire with her ice.
The moment lasted for no more than a few seconds, but it was enough to drop the temperature of the radius of the room where they were currently standing. He was the first one to snap back to his mortal glamor, his appearance shifting to his old self. His lips also tipped at the corners, reflecting the other’s look of amusement. 
"You're right. She should fall in love with my brother as soon as possible," he drawled, his tongue rolling over the word ‘brother’ with malicious grace. The girl in front of him raised her brow, intrigued by his change of tone. "That will only make it sweeter for me once I snatch her from him."
The queen's jaw visibly set at the obvious connotation of his tone. She didn't say anything and Renjun took the chance to take a step closer to her to reach out for a tendril of hair that escaped the intricate braid holding up her crown. Burning black ice instantly coated the tips of his fingers when he touched her, but that didn't stop him from gently caressing her locks between his thumb and pointer finger.
"You might have cursed me, but I think you've forgotten what I can still do. Do you know what happens when a Gancanagh falls in love, my Queen?" He whispered, his voice soft and lilting enough to make the moon outside weep and sigh.
"They stop at nothing to get who they want… Even at the cost of mortal lives."
******* You gave a perfect turn in time with the orchestra's bellowing notes that filled the room. Not too far from you, you could hear Seri's melodious laughter as she also did the same in the arms of her own partner. You didn't know how long you had been dancing, but you didn't really mind the slight ache building at the back of your heels as you felt Yun's hands settle politely on your hip again. You looked at him with a smile and he returned the gesture with a slight bow of his head. 
"Are you tired? Maybe we should sit down for a bit?"
You were just about to answer when the soft sounds of strings filled the ballroom again. Before you could even say anything, you felt a slight tug on your arm that made you take a few steps back. You looked around to see Seri beaming at you, her face glowing and eyes dancing with excitement. It was obvious with just a glance just how much she was enjoying the night.
"It's the mixed dance! We have to go and join!"
Both you and Lord Yun chuckled at the girl's reaction at the same time. Looking at him, he gave you a polite nod as he stepped away and let go of his hold on your hip. Before Seri could even entirely whisk you away, he reached out for your hand and gave it a gentle kiss. The gentle feel of his lips against your gloved hand made your heart stutter the same time an unknown feeling bloomed in your chest.
"I'll see you later, my Lady."
You were thankful for your friend for pulling you towards the opposite side of the ballroom because otherwise, you would have stood there longer just staring after the man even as he melted with the crowd. You were still a little out of it when the music started picking up, your body merely moving on autopilot as the other girls forming the dance line started swaying in beat with the music. The next thing you know, you were once again lost in a sea of skirts blooming like petals with every turn. Around you, people behind masks linked arms with each other before letting go to move on again to another person.
It was so addictive… the high of it all. The music, the sound of laughter, even the melodious tapping of heels almost put you in a trance. You twirled from arm to arm with practiced grace, floating from one gentleman to another at every rise of the musical notes. Smiles and compliments blurred together until they formed a cacophony that only made you want to move more. When the music finally started to swell to a crescendo, your heart matched it with the way it danced in your chest.
One step, two steps, a glide to the right. The strings sang beautifully with their high notes and the low notes from the bass supported their peak with their resounding hums. You tipped your face a little upwards and closed your eyes as you made one last turn to match the harmony, only stopping when you finally felt yourself slip in another person's arms—your last and final partner for the night. You felt fingers settle gently on your hips before pulling you in slowly as the last parting note of the orchestra rang in the air. A small smile quirked your lips and you moved in closer before opening your eyes again.
And then you froze.
His black mask covered the perfection of his features, but there is no mistaking who those dark eyes belonged to, nor the lips that slowly smiled at you.
Renjun dug his nails a tad bit harder against the silk of your dress as you turned into stone in his arms.
"You almost lost your balance there. It's fine…"
"I got you."
CHAPTER 3
-------
A/N: So... I don’t even know if people still remember this story, but here’s the second chapter after MONTHS of waiting. I wasn’t entirely 100 percent satisfied with how I wrote this, but I decided to get this out because otherwise this will just rot in my drafts. Tagging the people here who requested to be notified before! <3
Taglist: @negincho, @jhornytrash, @aaasteroidsky, @huangberryyy, @ashkuuuu​, @cottonniebunnie​, @jaehyunenthusiastsworld, @90sgatsby-jjh, @ryu-naa​, @i-aecrysture, @mirathe2002, @yuxnan​, @strawbunnyjaem, @pukupukupawpau, @terjeno​​​
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Yaoi/Manga I’m reading/have read. Please support the artists on official websites. If you have recs or want to chat about any of these get in my messages right the fuck now my dudes. Also spoilers, also this probably doesn’t make sense to anyone but me, also I think I’m funny sorry in advance.
Dangerous Convenience Store
Tags: Ongoing, self aware lead for the most part, gangs, smut, love triangle, possessive, not rapey, seme is like the fucking hulk compared to uke, college, age gap, good art, muscular bodies, seme is adorable/romantic in sp chapters, sexual awakening, meeting the gang (in two ways!), FAINTS OF CUTENESS/HOTNESS, the memes after every chapter got me gagged, HAHE hahahahahahahahahaha, OMG DO I GET SOME CNC?! (update: short lived), we stan a vocal man (Ahjussi), thigh fucking, my mans be like my thighs hurt fuck my ass instead DECEASED, ass smacking, these memes are so good god damnit, rimming
8/10, I live for Ahjussi (Am I spelling this wrong..)
The New Employee 
-love love love
Tags: ongoing, we stan supportive boyfriends, healthy relationship, boss/employee, smut, office setting, good art, 10/10 will re-read, muscular bodies
Love Shuttle
Tags: completed, ABO, enemies to lovers, possessive, coworkers, fake relationship, strong omega, the art sucks but I like the story, art gets better after the 1st season, alphas eyes change colors when happy/anxious, muscular bodies, 7/10, update 10/10 art is meh but fml this storyline is basic af in the best way and it’s the fluff/smut I need, when you’re caught by the folks *cringe*
Hold Me Tight
Tags: ongoing, boss/employee, bodyguard, gio can’t feel heat until felix comes along, uke is strong af, horny bastards, smut, possessive, tragic childhood, moving in together right away, rich seme, felix in a bunny costume though *heart eyes*, dialogue is great, rape in a technical sense but the vibe is written like both characters are all good after? Ex. hospital scene…dub con, ART IS GREAT, hand holding during sex, 10/10 will re-read, muscular bodies
Yours to Claim 
Tags: ongoing, love triangle, Dom/sub dynamics, smut, main is big switch energy, reincarnation, jealousy, manipulative, possessive, self aware lead for the most part, toxic af, GREAT ART, college, rich semes, 10/10 will re-read and not even finished, SONOFABITCH that cliff hanger!! Season 3 come thruuuu (I have to wait until November? *cries* BUT MAH LOVE TRIANGLE!!, I want a THROUPLE GOD DAMN IT
The Grandmaster of Demonic Cultivation
Tags: obsessed with this story, will the incense burner scenes make it?? No tags because I'll never forget this one haha wangxian 5ever, send me all fanfics/fan art you have about this story, love Dark Wangji, Jadecest, ABO/omegaverse, Bottom Wangji/Top Wei Ying, and honestly anything regarding this fandom
Bj Alex
Tags: completed, great art, 11/10 will re-read, cam boy, fanboy, seme is an asshole, uke is so sexy, jealously, rich seme, enemies to lovers kind of?, CHANWOO IS MY BOY FOR LIFE, Chanwoo MD supremacy, BDSM (like really really), fuck I love Chanwoo, college students, rich seme, emotional rollercoaster, uke soft body, mean seme, college life, that one nosy bitch ass guy trying to expose my boys needs to fuck right off, seme split/fake personality, dub con 
Anti PT
Tags: ongoing, 11/10 re-readable, porn with feelings, love triangle, jealousy, attempted non-con, personal training wink wink, main love interest is actually the best, second male lead is a god damn creep, first time, smut, great art, sex addict/constantly horny uke, I WANT A HWI, 
Related: https://www.anime-planet.com/manga/anti-pt/recommendations 
Payback
Tags: ongoing, both are psychopaths tbh, revenge, gangs, uke sells himself to seme, violent seme, entertainment industry, brunette supremacy, what this motherfucker gonna do? hehe , great art, muscular bodies, dead dove do not eat, my mans must be GOOD looking/animal magnetism cause everyone losing their fucking minds, okay this is a comedy I’m dying, he tried to scare him with wanting to be a top but my psycho said REVERSEUNO BITCH I’M A VERSE (wait jk apparently *sigh*), anonymous masked sex (sad n’ kinky)
My Suha
Tags: ongoing, wow this gets dark, possessive af like holy shit, terrible people all around uke, rape, boss/employee, office politics/family politics, smut, characters that are punchable, dead dove do not eat, *velociraptor noises*, avoided this for a while but I’m back because nothing can be more emotionally devastating than Banana Fish, TIE HIM UP, FUCK HIS FACE ALKSJD:ASKD, FUCK SUHA UR SO HOT that dirty talk though YAS, glad I picked this back up lmao, GOD DAMN IT just when the package arrived then this red head fucker *screams*
Shame Application aka Dirty Vibration
Tags: completed, friends to lovers, model seme, cute af uke, love triangle, entertainment industry, smut, kink, all kinds of sex everywhere, realized feelings, mutual pining, jealousy, rich seme, blonde seme, big brother 1984 always watching, 10/10 would re-read, porn with plot, they were roommates!, ~straight~ seme, first times, great art, remembering some cringe but considering the story it’s par for the course
Will You Subscribe
Tags: ongoing, season 1 completed, enemies to lovers, cam boy, office politics, boss/employee, hiding a secret, public sex, stalkers/creepy men, emotionally stunted characters, mutual pining, idiots in lust, lingerie company, slut shaming, jealousy/possessiveness, season 2 bebeh, HOLDING HANDS *velociraptor noises*, LMAO okay my mans is not THAT old how tf does he not know netflix and chill, BUNNY COSTUME (quickly becoming my new fav trope in manga, A+ gang), oh we stan a good boy, wtf is wrong with wanting to do cam work, ‘I wish my marks could become permanent’ *omegaverse wink*, *works for lingerie company* *doesn’t understand where bf gets sexy costumes* like wut kind of fuckery…, cross dressing ftw, roleplay, classic BL miscommunication trope
Hyperventilation
Tags: completed, high school crush, unrequited love, mutual pining, smut, quickie (short story), class reunion, apparently furry with the extra chapter turning my man into a bunny but c'est la vie! https://myreadingmanga.info/korean-bl-animation-hyperventilation-engsub/ this is the animation of the same story, different endings but same in tone (this site is spammy AF but the English subs are so hard to find for this) 8/10 
Unmei no tsugai ga omae da nante
Tags: only one bed, ABO, office setting. Coworkers, enemies to lovers, competitive, equality in the omegaverse, dubcon, real dicks and not lightsabers, fated pair, art is cute af 8/10
K’s Secret
Tags: buckle up buttercup, dead dove do not eat, angst, pining, somnophilia, dub con, non con, boss/employee, manipulative, stalking, forced relationship, tragic childhood background, weird art but gets better,  uke: don’t threaten me with a good time but seriously stop threatening me, possessive & obsessive, seme is like the fucking hulk compared to uke, wow were going full psycho stalker hm?, dating a narcissist is all fun and (mind)games, con non con… ? honestly who tf knows, domestic!, OW MY HEART, the t/n WAP note sent me, ch 51 translated by gen z, do special ep= furry? Wait there’s a maid costume, bunny costume, directors friends keeping it real, rough translations 8/10
Enthusiasm
Tags: ongoing, dead dove do not eat, uke buys seme, masc boys, muscular bodies, fight club, master/slave, rich uke, revenge, real dicks not lightsabers, rough sex, cuckholding, daddy issues, suicide, wow the end of ch 5 punched a hole in my heart, penile implant life,  rough translations makes the storyline wonky, nvm back to lightsabers *star wars noises*, HAD ME FEELING SOME TYPE OF WAY I CAN NOT, shibari, possessive, wait this is cute *velociraptor noises*, angst, no kithes for you “bestie”, OBSESSED, honestly choke him pupper, STAY THE NIGHT ALKSDJA:SLDKJAS:LKDJA:SLDKj, problematic but I’m riding for these two, 
Ichimai Goshi Fetish
Tags: completed, short, fetishes DO start in childhood don’t they *ruminates*, author: describes ML as a beautiful 2D character meanwhile: ML IS 2D character, fellas is it gay to kiss the homies?, “real dudes don’t interest me” is a MOOD, comedy, jealousy, college setting, dialogue is A+, not lightsabers but not dicks either, first time, when you’re fucked so good you think you’ve died, https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=R4uEq5Nx6ko, hero/villain roleplay. Fluff n smut 10/10
My Purrfect Boss
Tags: completed, tooth rotting fluff because blondie is so FUCKING cute little sensitive soul, golden retriever boyfriend, pure comedy, DECEASED, MY MAN JUST DID THE SLOW BLINK, office setting, boss/employee, ~wasted~ (red dead redemption meme),  FFS SO CUTE, he put a ring on it right away beyonce would be proud af, he protecc he attack but most importantly he hit it from the back, jealousy, honeymoon phase of dating, the ex is a snake (update: oh wow literally), I’m picking up abuse/PTSD vibes based on how Kang reacts to his ex :(, classic BL miscommunication plot, immediately no meme audio (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o6XWSGfYnps) ,  I WILL STRAIGHT UP MURDER CHA WTF!!!!!!, gang rape, spiked with drugs that force heat, me rn:*screaming/rage*, psychotic ex/abuser, HE PROTECCC, actual relief after that scene jesus fuck, okay YES kings I see you, okay this is giving me cuteness aggression, hi yes I’d like to adopt a cat and a dog please 9/10
Following Namsoo to the Bathhouse
Tags: completed, same author as, “My Purrfect Boss”, A+ comedy once again, JUNIOR, gay awakening, “fap myself to death” DEAD, facial expressions are ridic, my minds telling me no but my body, my bodyyyy’s telling me yaaaaa, ya boy is literally losing his mind over this, actual lightsabers lmao, FLUFF, permasmile, 6969, THINKS THEY’RE GOING TO EAT RAMEN, dense gay, own your skin wtf okay hannibal calm down, everyone is officially cray,  ah I also am barfy when drunk, denial really is something hm, classic BL miscommunication plot, when people pleasing too far, happy ending 🥺🥰, side story: our crazy gets his very own crazy (ashton Kutcher from spread vibes), public sex, sex sparkle 9/10
Alien in my Closet
Tags: ongoing (maybe completed but def ongoing on the site I use), not rapey at all?? You’d think it’s impossible in this medium ffs, anti pt vibes, cute art, fluff ‘n smut, red head!!, they were roomates!, sex toys, bsdm, D/s (brat)dynamic or maybe owner/pet, bondage, *tiffany hadish voice* this is noiceeee, con humiliation/degradtion, SANTA CLAUS, edging, marking, one lotus please (he’s clearly read the 4 agreements and karma sutra), con non con, exhibitionism, the wrist thing stays on people, Katoptronophilia,  roleplay, is it stalking when you bring your friends?, lotus: welcome home cheater, the chin on the head thing gives me cuteness aggression, the twins are my favs, when ur crush vanilla af 😭, haesung: experiment on me daddy, no dick until halfway through/fingering supremacy, bedroom sessions has me gagged, voyeurism, wait they haven’t kissed this whole time I forgot (audio: https://www.tiktok.com/@ryley/video/6976701880277748997?lang=en), sunbae is sus, YES FINALLY A FUCKING SWITCH COUPLE AKJSDHALKSJDHASKLJDHALS KJDALKSJD (update: sort of), there’s a missed opportunity for an anal probe joke, damn it okay maybe sunbae is chill, 3 musketeers, my heart*implodes*, *velociraptor noises*, 12/10 would re-read such fluff my heart 
On Doorstep
Tags: completed, age gap, reese has ptsd, jimmy going from 0 to 100, jimmy really got down on his knees at work, ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) deepest part you say, real dicks, ride him like a rodeo, quickie/short story, porn with plot
Gorani Jeon
Tags: ongoing, omegaverse, no alpha though, animal hybrid, art is beautiful like it's drawn on paper not a screen, 40 inch weave yours came in a pack, historical (non-modern), lord send me a sexy man pls, the memes after each chapter are golden, taking the phrase licking wounds literally, is that an eggplant or are you just happy to see me hehe, ahhh so inhibitors do exist here, vertical 69, here lays Bau fucked to death by Ran, WHY HE TOUCHING MY MAN, these chickens are dope, stomp on his dick, that’s what I call a happy meal, fucked right out the front door I’M DEAD, mpreg, i need a tiger+mountain god spin off (whoops dad/son my bad), slice of life, cute fluff 8/10
Room to room
Tags: completed, college setting, A+ dialogue, absurd size difference, unrequited love,  sexsomina, dubcon, angst, death by a thousand cuts emotionally, insecurity, body envy, pining, friends to lovers, they were roommates!, homophobia, sexual assault, PTSD, gays in denial, the tattoo 🥺 ow my heart, truly this is 90% smut, “going from unrequited love to fwbs is shittier than I expected”, dowan *bad blood by t swift* when he sees garam, ch 22garam reminds me of my ex and that’s not a compliment, I’m not gay but my boyfriend is vibes, triflers need not apply, spanking, 😭😭😭😭😭 my heart hurts, is anyone getting a bit of a puppy play vibe? https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Vni9ZWmDXis, handcuffs, lots of head we stan, dowan’s gotta a touch of a foot thing or maybe body worship thing, asdlfgkjs ;dlkfgjsd;flkgj;sdflkgj;sdlfgjs;d/gkdf SO CUTEEEEEEEEEEE, roleplay. They broke the bed no use of crying over spilled milk ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°), side stories delivering man in uniform and sex toys AND puppy, asdlkjaslfkasdjfl;askdfjasdf the shirt thing is so hot, watersports, I take it back this is 98% smut 9/10
Mistake Lover
Tags: completed, when ur bff is back on their BS, love triangle, coworkers, i swear all these ukes look the same to me at this point (which is very cute), GE!!!! (wangxian flashbacks), wait no smut?.... Paused
Yagi to ookami no hatsujou jijou
Tags: completed, quickie/short story, literally on my reading list because a comment said “nice cock 10/10”hahahaha, animal hybrids, scifi/aliens, me during chapter one: am I a furry? No. Am I? Relevant audio https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=noJNIqvDfoo, hotties when human GOD DAMN, bi king, okay I stan this girl changing gears take your opportunities honey!, does blondie have a tinder or how is this happening? (update: called it), feminization, dubcon/noncon, marking, heats, idk about 10/10 cock but not lightsabers, translation is ruff (get it?), a yankee hahaha, literal wound licking, googles chimera, *claps* yes king selfish call his ass out, tail holding caaaayoooot, not that isn’t usually copious amounts of cum but really this is a lot 8/10
Make Me Bark
Tags: completed, $250 a month rent?? *cries in Californian*, god damn it these grey haired 2D men are really hot fml, “next months rent is a looming concern but I hope it’ll get better” followed by apartment on fire is how I feel about reality, rare characters that smile way more than they frown, sex toys, kink, puppy play, owner/pet dynamic, sugar daddy/baby, college setting, harness, muzzle, leash, tail plug, shirt thing!!, soaked briefs, playing barbie IRL, omg meet cute at the adult store, intercrural sex, possessive/jealousy, ah fuck yes I saw this panel on IG but it didn’t have the source but now hehe, whipping, choking, spanking, *bookmarks*, simp city, childhood friends, side couple cute af, yeonsoo: sorry I’m an anti romantic, size queen, mens lingerie, domestic, mutual pining,  these bestie pairings are *chefs kiss*, skinny but muscular bodies/no ridiculous size differences, “does he have a big dick?” “probably” “well tell him to come” GAGGED AJKSDHALSKDJHA this dialogue pure comedy, exhibitionism, human auction, maid costume, men in heels, topping in a dress, girl at the bus stop HAHAHA, ffs this is so cute, side stories: it’s a small world afterall, dynamic role reversal, pink haired boy is guru, SCREAMING AKDJA:SLDKJA:LKDJA:LSDKJLAKDJA:LDJAL:SKDJASLKDJA:SLKDJLAKSDJLASDJ:LASJD:ALSKDJASL:DJ:ASLJDPUTARINGONIT!!!! 11/10 
Gurume no fukurami
Tags: completed, quickie/short story, food fetish, feeding fetish, age gap, throuple-eqsue? There’s 3 people involved, paused ch 1 pg 30
Under the Green Light
Tags: ongoing, thank you IG for rec’ing this, brunette supremacy, neurodivergent?, lmao @hag, this statue is everything I wonder if it’s based on a real piece?, we went from talking art to being pinned to the ground REAL quick, translations rough but not as rough as my mans here, draw me like one of your french girls vibe, sass master, these dicks are ridiculously huge which is saying something for this genre, i love a verse/switch, “first time he’s asked someone to stop so his self-esteem is hurt” HAHAHAHA, stealing bae’s shirt, facials galore, car sex/public sex, jin not into praise kink clearly, sort of slut shaming jealousy, marking
Walk on Water
Tags: completed, for being about porn it’s not that smutty (i take it back), “don’t even think about running away” got me like https://giphy.com/gifs/VABbCpX94WCfS, actual dicks (lightsabers later must be the cleaners not the OG), muscular bodies, blonde seme, brunette uke, k mcqueen is everything, honestly haven’t loved a couple this much since chanwoo x MD and I LOVE THEM, jealousy, orgasm denial, the angles/frames of the art in this are insane (11/10), emotional intimacy CUTENESS HASIHDLASKDHJLAKSJDH, i wanna lick lick lick you from your head to your toes, dirty talk A+, bestie you turned out to be Judas you judgy fuck how dare you touch my man, Ryan is 50 shades of fucked up bb needs therapy, Chang and yeowoons sexual tension is *chefs kiss*, I ship it/all my ships sailing, woof non con but expected tbh, YEAH BABY YEAH *Austin powers voice*, fml I don’t want this story to end, meeting the Hets ™ would make me nervous too, spiderman kith, mirror sex sjkadfhasldjkfh, 34+35, JOI but with a partner? Not D/s, promises are made to broken hehe, that feeling when you understand the title, omg the fan art is so cool!! 15/10 would re-read seriously I can’t explain how well the artist used angles/how she portrayed the scenes was fucking MASTERFUL
Woof Wolf
Tags: that's my best friend (saweetie), red heads, werewolf au, college setting, students, shoot a shot in your mouth while I'm riding, facials, marking
Sexual Awakening of an Ex Delinquent 
Tags: completed, quickie/short story, sexual coercion/non con/dub con, tiddies, bondage, nipple play, edging/orgasm denial, candy in ass wow, food kink, kink in general, rich seme working class uke, lightsabers,  big dick Jesus fuck, exhibitionism, public sex, men's lingerie, Blondie is a sweet baby angel, self hatred/homophobia, sexual narrating that has me like oof 😣 that's not how this works but okay, the sweet spots thing is a great line, man is a slave to the sweets, lmao at the meme at the end of ch 9 fucking facts, kidnapping plot, rapey guys all around this story, tattoo/back story reveal has me like *nods head yes*, my throats broken has me gagged, crazy amount of sfx noises that distract from the art (I really appreciate cleaners I realize), first times, rushed ending feels,  would rate 6/10 not terrible but probably won't read again.  
With Your Tail Yes
Tags: ongoing, IG rec, quickie/short story, on man brunette looks EXACTLY like a different character by another artist like for real duplicate, home boy pulled Elle Wood’s Bend n Snap and we are HERE FOR IT, lingerie/cross dressing, okay compilation of short stories, great artwork but wtf these are far too short (maybe uploaded wrong..?), *immediately makes deal with the devil because yum*, ah okay previews THEN stories, human animal hybrid situation, lightsabers, fucking imagine your crush delivery the sex toy you ordered online HAHA *dies*, buys toys because men ain’t shit is a VIBE, you know he’s always wearing matching sets because he’s 100% that bitch, dub con/non con, knotting (unexpected), exhibitionism, public sex, good ol’ fashion blackmail to get your lover to stay with you trope, sexual assault/attempted rape, victim blaming, shibari, leashes, D/brat dynamic sort of, copious amounts of cum, lube? What lube?, marathon sex, first time, 75 hours?? Immediately no meme, 7/10 mostly for art/concepts but not execution
Heat and Run
Tags: ongoing, IG rec, omegaverse, friends to enemies to lovers, multiple couples as main to sides then sides to mains, my heart dropped because I thought the first sex scene was incest but then realized I’m mixing up all the characters derp, dense gays, this is america (the shooting comment WOOF reality feels bad man), blondes have more fun, real dicks, dubcon/CNC dealers choice, mutual pining, idiots in love, big alpha energy BDE, there are moments I feel Hayoung on a spiritual level and not sure that’s a compliment hahaha, orgasm denial/edging, istg if he bonded without Hayoung permission *jenna marbles BOIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII YOU BETTAH NOT*, also I was hoping the idol was him but realizing it’s probs his sis, *deep sigh*, BDIRL, wow racism, oh no oh no no no no no meme audio, listen everyone needs to get into therapy to break that generational trauma is all I’m saying (not excusing abuse at all, trauma isn’t a free pass), NO ONE WANTS TO PLAY A GAME WITHOUT KNOWING THE RULES :ALKSDHJALKSDJA:SLKDJTRUE, matthew singing bo burnham: I’m problematic *background singers ‘he’s a problem!’*, i ship it yolo, JAEHO STAN (no means no!), mpreg, god damn it I am so worried about him getting roofie and the party scene hasn’t even started ABO WHAT HAVE YOU DONE TOO ME, OH THANK JAEHO, dayummmm that clapback was real fuck him UP, me clapping: MARK HIM MARK HIM, GOD DAMN IT WITH THESE ONGOING FUCKING CLIFF HANGERS FML, marked via knotting? Okay that’s new, but also like normal marking I think, fucking til bottom pees trope
Heaven Officials Blessing
Animated series season 1 complete. Live action currently filming (same director as Untamed too UGH SO HAPPY)
Tags: ongoing, same author as my fav ever MDZS, just finished season 1 animated on netflix and can no longer avoid this because I LOVE THEM, all the memes on IG make sense now, Prince voice: Dearly Beloved (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aXJhDltzYVQ) we are gathered here today to dive deeper into a fandom I will never escape, ART IS AMAZING (https://tenor.com/view/incredible-talented-lady-brilliant-gaga-gif-14857187), group chats are always chaotic tbh, wait a minute meme audio: bride = bottom? How tf did I not get that the first time round *sigh* always hoping for a verse couple, the asst. Boys I ship hard, the sass, fuck this is going to just be pure angst isn’t it *straps in, has fluffy manga queued*, even if no smut 11/10 gege porn, not subtle, god FUCK this ART IS SO FUCKING GOOD THE TALENT skjas;ldkfja;, 🥺, traumatic cliff moment *mdzs flashbacks*, HC smirk is my new favorite thing, no fucking but lots of touching, size difference, horror, gore, wuxia, great side characters, my ear feels tingly too lmao, SOMEONE BETTER GET THESE MF SNAKES ON THIS MF PLANE (cliff), umbrella moments got me uwu, gimme at least didi pleaseandthankyou, FUCK I LOVE THIS ARTIST she keeping us WELL fed with these extras DAYUM, wind/earth master ship please sail, CALL ME DADDY IM DEAD, HC has LWJ energy like you are not qualified to talk to me LOL, WAIT this totally counts as there was only one bed trope, also I’m already excited about omegaverse ff (send me recs please please please)
4 week lovers
Tags: ongoing because apparently I want to torture myself, mutual pining/”unrequited love”, college life, friends to lovers, blackmail ur crush into sex trope, public sex, I was going to tag possessive body language but possessive in a general sense apparently (starting strong yessss), sure jan @unrequited love dialogue, THEY WERE ROOMMATES *cackles*, sus haha, rough translation, pure comedy, shirt thing!, casual abuse :( (back story, traumatic childhood), I’m getting TharnType vibes (but not quite…), that note is precious, cry during/after sex, great angles, dialogue A+ 
Burlesque Night
Tags: completed, quickie/short story, stripper/body guard, coworkers, lust at first sight, magic mike vibes, fridays = getting fucked on stage O-O, well that was traumatizing af, took a bullet, real dicks, LDR, CUTE, I’m not in love with you… sure jan, OH WOW MASTER dlksaj;alsdkja;lsdkja;sld, gay awakening/first time, the art detail is *chefs kiss*, disappointed but not surprised :( :( :(, we stan a yes and lover, shirt thing, still not sure wtf the vertical anus thing is but full circle moment haha, you know what fuck it I’d re-read this 9/10
My one and only cat
Tags: ongoing, cat hybrids, god damn it I’m totally in furrydom ffs, ah well here we go, idol hot = loneliness wahhh /s, so hot he literally transforms other beings, omg a cat cafe CUTE, fuck that cat is cute *so fluffy*, stalker status, comedy, real dicks, I think the uncle would be supportive/jealous even I hope they talk about it I’m dying to know his thoughts, big tiddies, if this ain’t the cutest shit FLUFF/SMUT, copious amounts of cum, ate it with the panties on, CAKE, xmas, his milkshakes bring all the boy(cats) to the yard, trifling bitch
Imitation Mate
Tags: completed, omegaverse, alpha x alpha. Class rivals YAS, childhood frans, enemies to lovers omg this is all the shit I want, manipulation 1000 but yolo I ship it
Mr. 100% Perfect
Tags: ongoing, so relatable, OCD?, hoarder, when I read the title I thought mental illness and I was right, masks ugh RELATABLE, getting back together w ex, woof sibling drama/manipulation, suicide attempt, omg their communication regarding the psycho is REFRESHING, OMG JEJU ISLAND I see it in every fucking kdrama ever but this is the first time I’ve seen it mentioned in a manga *hm* interesting, furry furry everywhere, eye contact, finished reading season 1 pause for an omergaverse cause, okay I’m back and season 2 starting STRONG #1 men are gross #2 mans just went right to a blowie while mf was trying to pee lmao i can NOT the germs barf, fuckboi extraordinaire stressing over a textback is *great*, that istg face is perfect, HYUNGGGG, hand on his heart OW MY HEART, vibe check LOL, here for this plot dev, END OF SEASON2 NOOOOOOOimnotready. Head bonks CUTE
The origin of species
Tags: ongoing, omegaverse, sex tape, blackmail, i already don’t like this teacher, size difference, ‘JUST DIE’ hahahahahaha, I’m in love with noona, wait Ahjussi means uncle/mister? Dangerous convenience store has a new meaning to me now, DECEASED @they won’t, copious amounts of cum, alcohol to have intimacy *sighs in early 20s*, also WTF THEY ARE FUCKING AND THERE’S NO PHERMONE STUFF! What’s the point of being ABO without smell *swaggy p meme???*, wait okay ch 11 it begins, stockholm syndrome but since childhood I’m fairly certain *looking at you teacher I don’t trust these mfs*, dubcon obviously, also the can’t be knotted thing has me *cardi b meme that’s weird that’s sus* obvs poor bb about to get preg af, five word horror story: I won’t hurt you again *why tf you lyinggggg why u always lyinggg meme*, white collar crime, what’s the point of a contract when there’s no actual choice
How to Chase an Alpha
Tags: ongoing, lowkey been avoiding this one not because I think it’ll be bad I just..idk the brain is a weird thing, page 2 and I love mains attitude fucking gagged sass me bb, starting with rough translation but it be that way sometimes, GROUNDS HIMSELF BY TOUCHING HIS BLACK CARD I CANTTT, pheromone city fuck it UP, MC is a MOOD, mutual pining, when u and bae both hire PI’s to get info on each other, R-E-S-P-E-C-T, shirt thing, fucking chuffed about the rival fucking bring it, funny art, cheated on ugh mah heart I saw it coming and it still hurt, pure comedy this airport scene is so funny to me wtf, LDR, good ol murica fuckboi, LOVE HIM RIDE FOR UR MAN/MORALS, liams a little rapey rapist hm? No one’s ever said no… well being flooded with pheromones isn’t consent my dude, istg liam = I love it when they struggle, obvs jealousy/possessive tag but such is ABO, cat suit, BUNNY suit, sexy costumes, god damn it I love them that proposal/mpreg so cute, imprinting AW, ugh baes fam is so cute I needed that bc I wanna strangle wooyoungs dad, THE SECETARY is my fucking fav never stops being A+, SEC+LIAM?? Here for it *i ship it*, FUCK SO CUTE 12/10 re-read, fluff n smut, excited for how to chase an omegaside story hyung needs love!, JINI is mood, sales king I’m dying, that collar is ~hot~ btw
Egoism
Tags: completed (because jesus I can’t with ongoing, theheartbreakTM), UPDATE FML THE HEART BREAK IS REAL also no smut, omegaverse, hey stepbro, starts with rape, possessive/jealousy (isn’t all ABO?), age difference (6years, alpha is younger *can I get hyung plz lord*), HYUNG, woof this dad SUCKS, child abuse, rape culture *sigh*, I wanna get jacked like rick and summer and beat tf out of the dad, me n my cat, TELL EM HONEY I love this MC, traitor indeed, beta x omega btw, fated pair, coercive sex, didi going to be his own demise, BREAKUP/TIME SKIP NO this is BL hell, the rona is mentioned in this, ALL I WANT IS TO HEAR YOUR STORY WAHHHHHHHHHH also YES MY SHIP IS GOING TO SAIL I CAN FEEL IT, okay honestly frustrating a bit but also liked it yah 7-8/10, won’t re-read unless I’m looking for hurt though cause the comfort is BRIEF
Yarichin bitch bu
Tags: ongoing, reading because I watched this anime after seeing it mentioned in the comment section of -im-being-harassed-by-the-sexiest-man-of-the-year, anime was 2 eps a fucking wild the way this is uploaded SUCKS, no reality porn what plot rape-y ridiculous and now I need to read the source apparently haha, I need to know much more about yuri and blue hair guy ASAP (they have the spin off*adds to list*), high school setting, smut, studentsxstudents/teachers, photography club my ass, sex toys, kinky, crossdressing, gay awakening, unrequited love, jealousy, fake relationship, two faced people, OCD, COMEDY, rich people problems, hoarder, inferiority complex, one bed, toono is a dumbass in this love triangle or denial might be a better word, they are cousins my dude stop shipping it (I say to both toono and myself LOL), I wanna see Yuri’s face laksdjf;aldskf, vibrator #18 line is fucking iconic, yaguchi is about to get real interesting (BPD?), lies/manipulation, oh toono you sweet summer child, YURI i can’t wit chu, wait did he just punch the student because he won’t kiss him or???, dubcon/noncon obvs, finally my verse couple but they’re not a couple (yuri/tamu), they all care about each other is a weird way awwww, love confessions to pet vibrator scene are ICONIC MY DUDES I CAN NOTTT, lowkey living for Yuri’s drooling at this point, Jimi gives me such bad second hand embarrassment, Yuri the switch verse bb I’ve been looking for need more!, internalized homophobia, blackmail, MIDDLE FINGER IN THE AIR YAS KING, the heartbreak of ongoing/hasn’t been updated in years
Yarichin bitch bu dj wa
Tags: not completed I think, years old though, see above you know what it is, so cute omg, FIRST KISS AW, degradation kink?, MY VERSE COUPLE I’ve finally found you, biting, choking, rough sex, sex toys, they had fun together for another two hours DECEASED
Fucked by my Best Friend
Tags: ongoing, friends to lovers, body swap, Porn what plot, cannon threesomes in past maybe??(MFF for sure but MMF??), beach life, revenge, he became a HOT woman so honestly get over it, sloppy seconds, first off you’re both sluts second lmao this is going to be wild hm?, fellas is it gay if you kiss the homies, classic did you cum guy jfc, that’s how you get preg dumbass, ah the joys of being a woman /s assault in der clrub, *DEEP SIGH* @ you almost being raped turns me on, YES TURNING BACK DYING, gender has nothing to do with this LOL but true. Also yes cannon threesomes/orgies, googles frotting, mans like narrating playtime, intecurial sex public sex, lingerie, this is the closest thing to straight manga I’ve read hahaha, THE SCIENCE OMG FUCKING RIDIC :you need a mass amount of semen within you SURE JAN, possessive. Objectification, she trying to fuck without Shion LMAO, 34+35, do you think he’s on r/nofap, dry orgasm honestly impressed with mans rn ngl, spit as lube, anal fingering, just helping the homies find their prostate, bottom shaming (disappointed but not surprised), bis/gays in denial smh, question if he has a wet dream will he turn into a woman?, shirt thing, lol at female orgasm =anal in switcharoos mind, paging doc perv, shion is enjoying dressing up hm? Same dude, biggest reality gap is believing shion got admitted to a college HAHA, bad anatomy all over the place dude, rui is a dedicated exhibitionist, HE SO TIGHT BECAUSE THERES NO LUBE team no lube over here apparently not even a courtesy spit, yandere territory sort of?, Mayu with the dick wet comment is *chefs kiss*, THE HEARTBREAK OF ONGOING WAHHH I can’t believe I read all this but I can? 8/10 problematic possessive porn
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robinismywife · 2 years
Text
Closure (Post-war!Remus Lupin)
Summary: Remus gets an interesting letter from Dumbledore.
WARNINGS: Angst? mentions of death, trauma, self-doubt? mentions of vomit, cigarettes and alcohol consumption...
A/N: this is inspired by Taylor Swift's Closure from evermore! Hope you like it <;33
(the gif is not mine!)
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It's been a long time
And seeing the shape of your name
Still spells out pain
It wasn't right
the way it all went down
Looks like you know that now
Remus couldn't believe it when he got the letter from Dumbledore. So many things were written down in a single piece of parchment but the only thing that caught Remus' eye was that name. That six letter word that made him wince everytime it came up in a conversation. It had been years since he said that name and he wasn't planning to mention it anytime soon. Everytime he tried Remus could swear that his chest would start burning and his hands would start shaking.
The way they ended wasn't at all what he had expected. Actually, he never expected for their love to end, ever, but it did. Besides, after that night in 1981 Remus wholeheartedly believed that anything and everything was possible. People can change, they can betray you and they can die in just one night. That's what happened to him anyway. What they all went through was unfair, at just twenty-one they had to deal with grief, a whole-lot of stress, and anger. Remus always was a bad tempered person, but the deep rooted anger that found it's home in the depths of his soul was unimaginable.
Yes I got your letter
Yes I'm doing better
It cut deep to know ya, right to the bone
Yes I got your letter
Yes I'm doing better
I know that it's over, I don't need your closure
Remus re-read Dumbledore's letter a million times. Over and over until he was convinced that this wasn't his imagination. That Sirius Black, the supposed muggle killer and fanatic deatheater, was out and about. He couldn't believe it. How did he even manage it?
Dumbledore wanted Remus to take up the position of Defence Against The Dark Arts profesor at Hogwarts. Remus kind of chuckled at that. Remus, the werewolf, that was in his mid-thirties and had no teaching experience. There where so many things wrong with Dumbledore's offer. Remus decided to answer the letter anyways. He wanted to make sure that Dumbledore knew that he had received the letter and that he was doing better than the last time they had seen each other. It had to be at least a decade ago.
Remus hasn't seen Dumbledore since the Order of the phoenix held it's last meeting. He didn't mind not seeing his old face. He was too angry at him. Dumbledore ruined his life, he was sure of it. It was his fault they were thrown into that terrible war at just eighteen years old. Yes, they all wanted to fight for what they thought was right, but they never thought that most of them would be laying down their lives for the cause. Dumbledore allowed it though, and not only that, he encouraged it. Remus was going to be sick, he couldn't even think about it without feeling his blood start to boil. It certainly cut deep to know him, right to the bone.
Now Dumbledore wanted closure. He wrote he was sorry for everything Remus went through and he hoped to see him soon. Well, that was easy enough for the old fool to do- He could now check it off his list. Remus knew that the war was over and no one else was going to die any longer but that didn't make his pain less- And, if he was being brutally honest, Remus didn't want Dumbledore to feel closure. He hoped Dumbledore could feel eternal guilt for everything that he caused.
Don't treat me like
Some situation that needs to be handled
I'm fine with my spite
And my tears, and my beers and my candles
I can feel you smoothing me over
Halfway through writing his response, Remus felt a wave of embarassment washing over him. Dumbledore was pitying him. The headmaster of Hogwarts knew that Remus was unemployed, and would be for a long time because of his lycanthropy. That's why he offered him the job. Dumbledore didn't do this because he believed that Remus was capable of teaching or even protecting Harry from Sirius. He did this because he felt bad for him. God, Remus felt like he was going to vomit.
Was he just some situation that needed to be handled? Did Dumbledore just feel obliged to help Remus after the events of the war? Did he feel that he needed to do this as an apology? Because, if that was the case, Remus did not want Dumbledore's apology. He was absolutely fine in his small flat, where his tears, beer cans and candles kept him all the company he needed. Actually he always hated candles. How everyone just loved them. How Sirius used to love them. "They're romantic, Moony" he would say dancing around their kitchen. Remus hated candles, though they were quite helpfull when it came to lighting his cigarettes. He didn't want to use magic sometimes. It reminded him of his long gone friends and the life he could have had with them.
Oh no, there it was again, the waterfall. Remus should stop crying so much. Nice, now the ink is getting smeared around the parchment. Maybe, he should try again tomorrow. The letter has already been sitting on the kitchen table for a week now, it could wait one more day, couldn't it?
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ethernetchord · 3 years
Text
lets talk: popular iwwv criticism
(disclaimer: i know criticism is subjective and thats why im doing this, i wanna look at some common points made against iwwv and dissect them just a little bit in the opposite direction. also none of this is directed at any individual- it’s all based on the general talking points i’ve seen surrounding the book.)
SPOILER WARNING !!
lack of exploration into james and oliver (+ gay characters feel performative)
i’ve seen loads of people say that oliver and james’ relationship felt very performative, a way of including the queer romnce which clearly is very important to the plot but not actually giving it any space in the novel, nor developing it to the same extent which meredith/oliver was.
oliver and meredith had a very strictly physical relationship and while he did love her, he wasn’t in love with her the way he was with james. the juxtaposition in the way that oliver/james is delivered and the way meredith/oliver is delivered is, i believe, far too repetitive to not be intentional. i actually realised upon re-reading how much focus there really is on meredith’s sexuality, even in subtleties in the book. meredith and oliver get more blatant sex scenes, get more physical parts because oliver was (to an extent) using his attraction to meredith to distract himself from his infatuation with james.
we also have to remember that oliver and james didn’t get their real moment of honesty about their relationship till extremely late into the book. i’d honestly see it as more ‘performative’ to then after or in the middle of kind lear throwing in some wild sex scene between the two. it wouldn't have fit.
“why didn’t james and oliver get together earlier then >:(((“ because the slow burn between them, the subtext, the subtle-ness, the yearning, they were all crucial to the decision which oliver made at the end. the fact that they burned so bright for each other but (oliver particularly) were so desperately repressed, that was what made this such a tragic romance. yes its tiring to read stories about queer people being repressed, yes its tiring to see the bury your gays trope. but like oliver says, it goes beyond gender.
if oliver’s second love interest was a girl, and treated this way, we’d be a lot more on board with these tropes- but the fact that james is a man, and this therefor becomes a queer relationship, makes it feel performative. i can’t convince you of anything- but i like to believe that their relationship being treated like this not only makes it so much more “heart wrenching because why! why couldn’t it work out, why couldn’t it be better!” - not because its a queer relationship but because they were soulmates.
alexander wasn’t performative. not in the slightest, rio just didn’t make being gay his entire identity. same goes for colin. just because they’re queer doesn’t mean it needs to be the only thing about them. this isn’t a lgbt novel- characters dont have to be gay just for plot. they can just be gay.
i’ve also seen people complain about not just making oliver bisexual. guys. did you read the book? he was bisexual. he was emotionally and physically attracted to both meredith and james. guys that’s literally what bisexual means.
i'm totally on board with the coming out scenes! and realisation of feelings and all that stuff- but again, not an lgbt centric novel and also- these were things oliver probably did and realised far before this book. remember that its set in 4th year, at an art school. he knew he was fruity ok. not every queer character in every queer book have to have these grandious coming out scenes or realisations. the lack there of doesn’t equal performance.
the ending was rushed and bad
believe what you will, but i don’t think james is dead. there’s a little too much ambiguity in that ending, in the extract he leaves oliver, in the “his body was never found.” so if your main quarrel with the ending is that “bury your gays” situation- please know there’s a chance- and that giving it that chance opens up so much more discussion and reader response.
yes, the ending is sad. but it’s not rushed. “but that is how a tragedy like ours or king lears breaks your heart- by making you believe the ending might still be happy until the very last second.” doing king lear, doing macbeth, doing romeo and juliet, the plays are chosen not only for reader convenience (they’re plays readers will most likely be familiar with) but also because they all, so very deeply, foreshadow a “bad” ending. killing james, makes sense. as much as people don’t want to hear it, from an authorial perspective- from the reader’s perspective and as a human being it makes sense. why do keep arguing that he “should’ve stayed alive for oliver” or that “if he really loved oliver he wouldn’t have done it” - why are we limiting a character’s entire existence down to their love interest. yes, they were best friends, yes they were set up as lovers but that doesn’t mean that that would be enough to keep james around. james was a fragile character- he was always checking with oliver if he had upset him, he was always worried, overthinking, james wasn’t strong minded- and he was suffering. the only person he had left to depend on was in prison, he was plagued with the guilt of causing the death of a classmate and letting oliver take the blame, if he did kill himself, it sure as hell doesn’t have any reason to sound forced.
“its not nearly as good as the secret history!!!!”
to be honest here buds, why the fuck do we keep comparing them so insistently. they are not the same book. iwwv wasn’t trying to be tsh 2.0, yes there are similarities because hey! guess what! books in similar genres tend to do that! always comparing it tsh when they have different motives, different plots and vastly different execution makes no sense. the only reason that they are compared is because tumblrtm dark academics like to group the two together. and yea- makes sense, but stop trying to belittle iwwv because it isn't as grandiose as tsh, because it’s a little more literal, because it’s not as intertextual as tsh. half the people saying iwwv isn’t as good as tsh are practically just subtly going “shakespeare isn’t as complicated as ancient greek huehue” stop forcing the two together and let them be separately appreciated.
the characters were flat/archetypes/etc
sigh. okay.
these characters are actors. this book shows us their transition from themselves entirely into a conjunction of the roles they’ve played and the stereotypes they’ve portrayed.
“we were so easily manipulated - confusion made a masterpiece of us.”
“for us, everything was a performance”
“imagine having all your own thoughts and feelings tangled up with all the thoughts and feelings of a whole other person. it can be hard, sometimes, to sort out which is which.”
“far too many times i had asked myself whether art was imitating life or if it was the other way around”
“it’s easier now to be romeo, or macbeth, or brutus, or edmund. someone else.”
are you seeing it now? this focus on their archetypes, this focus on the character they are; the way they see themselves not merely as human but as a walking concoction of every character they have turned into and out of. they depend on their archetypes to give them meaning. rio uses these archetypes to remind us of the submersion of her characters. they weren’t flat, their intentional lack of dimension due to their pasts is what makes them so intricate. furthermore, there's an evident subversion- the tyrant becomes a victim, the hero becomes a villain (they all become villains really), the ingenue becomes corrupted. like mentioned before, i think we forget ourselves easily reading this book but there is a great deal of emphasis on this being their last year- which is so important. the damage has been done and a lot of the issues people have with the content (or lack thereof) in this book has to do with the fact that it’s all things that would have occurred in books focusing on previous years at delletcher.
“it didn't live up to expectation” (also leading on from read tsh to this and being ‘disappointed’)
i cant argue this because its entirely subjective. whatever expectation was created for you, i cannot know that and appropriately respond however- if you liked the secret history and understood the secret history then there's a good chance you also liked and understood this book- even if not to the same extent but you must be able to recognize the authorial approach and its significance. i think a lot of ppl read iwwv (and a lot of “dark academia” texts and films) and hope to be able to romanticize the aesthetic or the concepts and then are disappointed when they are presented with mildly unlikeable and overwhelmingly human characters who aren’t easy to romanticize.
a great majority of these books are criticisms of the very culture you’re trying to romanticize, and the only time you’re willing to admit that is when boasting about the ‘self-awareness’ of the people indulging in them, and then a moment later complain about those same qualities because they don’t serve this idealized expectation.
bad rep for arts/liberal arts/ humanities students as being pretentious/cultish
as a humanities student with a great love for eng lit- all of these things are indeed pretentious and cultish. not all the time and not always and not every person- but it is a common theme. academia is overwhelmingly obsessive and extremely white-washed. people become so fast to believe that they are indulging in finer arts and are therefore a higher standard of person. academia is problematic. and the recent influx of people interested in it is good, very good because hopefully, we’ll be more diverse, more open-minded, more accepting. that's what i hope at least. if you know, as an individual, that you’re not a pretentious academic who places themselves above non-academics then that's wonderful- but there are dangers and negative sides to academia that need to be understood so that we can see to not perpetuating them.
i cant refute all points, mostly because there's a lot of good and well-explained criticism because no book is perfect. and my intentions are not to belittle anyone's opinion. these are merely opposing arguments, food for thought and to be fair- a critical look into why not everything is always going to be what we expect of it and why every ‘problem’ can be assessed.
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