#citadelart

[citadel-of-paper-birds]

𝐇𝐞𝐚𝐯𝐲 𝐢𝐬 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐂𝐫𝐨𝐰𝐧

•─────── ·𖥸· ───────•

I still haven't let go of my previous hyperfixations... not in totality anyway. Here's some more Roman Sanders angst as is on brand for me! I'll explain more under the cut as well as provide some other shots that better display the metallic ink I used in this piece.

•─────── ·𖥸· ───────•

•─────── ·𖥸· ───────•

This is both part of an AU that I've been building in my head for a long while now - like I said, hyperfixation - which I'll link here & here. It's also just part of a wider expansion I've been doing, trying to add new skills to my very stale skillset. While this is technically made with a particular fandom in mind I also designed it specifically to be able to stand alone as well, connecting to other projects I'm working on.

As a side note I'm fairly certain a my projects are interconnected. I can't seem to help it; I get an idea for one thing and then my brain spins it five million different directions and all of them are too interesting to pass up!

[C]•─────── ·𖥸· ───────•

[citadel-of-paper-birds]

A friend brought to my attention that some of my art pieces work really nicely with the Malevolent podcast, and now I can't unsee it.

Anyway, I hope some of y'all enjoy these cause I love working with metallic markers - it sparks so much joy.

[citadel-of-paper-birds]

Janus Sanders sketch that I might never finish. 🥲 Please enjoy!

[citadel-of-paper-birds]

More Roman Sanders because I'm still caught in the merciless grip of my own headcanons.

Please feel free to comment, DM, or communicate in general. Hell, I'll reply to smoke signals if I see them.

[citadel-of-paper-birds]

Restarting my journal from scratch after losing my old one in the move. It's taken me a long time to come back around after losing my first, but I think I'm finally ready to start again.

The art piece I drew here is referenced from The Last Day of Pompeii by Karl Bryullov.

[citadel-of-paper-birds]

Loceit doodles today while I'm finishing up a bigger piece (if I ever get around to fully finishing it-).

[citadel-of-paper-birds]

A quick Logan ballpoint pen sketch since I missed Logan Sanders appreciation day! I can't wait until I get the hang of drawing them more fully 😌

Cross posted on my Twitter here.

[citadel-of-paper-birds]

“My spine is soft like wax near the flame of the candle. I dream; I dream.” - Virginia Woolf, The Waves

《《 Alternate versions without the gold ink/bowler hat are available below! 》》

Can anyone guess which TSS character I'm about to write an essay for next?

[citadel-of-paper-birds]

Just a couple Homestuck pieces while I'm learning how to use my markers. It's a learning curve for sure, but so much fun. Anyway, have a stray set of Striders.

[citadel-of-paper-birds]

Some roceit for the soul. I've been kind of in love with this ship for a minute now but it seems hard to find others who love it too.

Anyway, here's a quick sketch done in ballpoint pen and Hethron color markers-

Feel free to comment, message, etc... I usually reply in a day or two the most!

[citadel-of-paper-birds]

"Secrets, secrets are no fun..."

I've been reading a lot of ff lately about Pride!Roman, and I honestly can't help but feel like there's so much that could be explored here. If you want some messy au headcanons, read below!

The concept of Roman "falling" to the dark side is as fascinating to me as the idea of Roman re-fusing with Remus. I like the idea that Roman would try to hide that he's falling from the others, and it's his own pride keeping him from asking for help or talking about how he's feeling with the others too.

I’ve come to a conclusion: being C!Thomas’s ego while also being his creativity must be really hard. The way I think about it, ego is a necessary trait for any individual. Creativity is too, but it’s actually not nearly as essential as the ego. Now where Thomas is concerned I have a whole mini dissertation regarding how Thomas’s ego and creativity ended up all tangled together, but it boils down to one major point. Thomas, as an artist, conflates his ego with his art because the degree to which he values his art makes it a point of pride for him, and therefore makes him more sensitive to others criticizing it. 

Without going too much into all that (for this post, anyway) let’s talk about why ego being a more essential function than creativity is important. I think the best way to explain is to give an alternate example. If we look at Logan for example, and if we subscribe to the idea that Logan is not just Thomas’s logic but also his curiosity we can see that there’s a clear divide between a primary function (logic) and a secondary function (curiosity). If Logan were to suddenly reverse which function he paid primary attention to then Thomas’s mindscape would be a mess. Curiosity in the driver’s seat with logic riding in the back? Unlikely to work out well.

But in a way, that’s exactly what Roman is doing and I think it might be caused by multiple factors. I think Roman’s main function is supposed to be ego, not creativity. Creativity is needed for every individual but not every individual is a creative person. Someone different may have their ego connected with their curiosity/drive to learn, while others might combine their ego with their empathy - it would most likely depend on what sub-function feeds that individual’s ego. The secondary function is meant to act as a support for the primary function (Logic & curiosity, morality & emotions/empathy, fight or flight & anxiety, self preservation & deceit, “dark” creativity & intrusive thoughts). 

Roman is treating creativity like it’s the primary function, and there are a couple main reasons this could be. One is that because Roman was split from the original creativity, who may have also encompassed the ego, he was very confused after being yanked in half and simply didn’t realize he had obtained the ego until later (and if you didn’t notice it, can it really be that important?). Another is that ego is often associated with pride, and pride is not considered a “good” thing to have. Most people have a very negative connotation of pride. You say someone’s a “proud” person and it means they’re stubborn, you say someone is prideful and it means they’re arrogant. 

Patton, our morality, is clearly put on a pedestal by Roman as seen in the most recent videos, and Roman feels like he knows that Patton would disapprove if he were to show his more egotistical side. The thing is, ego is just how a person perceives themselves when you put it in simple terms. Ego at its healthiest is a sense of self-respect. Go too far in one direction and yes, you’ll get arrogance. My concern lies in going too far the other direction, because in an effort to be “good” for Patton and the others, Roman is starving his ego instead, which can cause major self confidence issues going forward.

Honestly, I think maybe a cool option would be if Roman could somehow give a large portion of his hand in creativity to Remus. I talked before in my other post about how sometimes it feels like Remus doesn’t have a proper “helpful” function for Thomas and that could be due to only being half a side. When Roman and Remus split it seems like the split may have been uneven, and in fact the dark creativity be sequestered to one person might be what’s causing the intrusive thoughts - they might very well be Remus’s, not Thomas’s.

Giving Remus a larger portion of creativity from Roman would mean that his ideas wouldn’t always be unusable, gross, or illegal. He might be able to actually help Roman brainstorm without being distracted by the constant chatter in his own head! Likewise, having less creative function would make it easier for Roman to focus on being Thomas’s ego and working on what’s best for Thomas’s self-respect and self-image. It might also make sense that with responsibilities shifting, perhaps intrusive thoughts could be co-handled by Remus and Virgil both. Functions working together just seems like it would be more efficient.

This is already long so let me add a few more off-the-cuff things to my headcanons/aus list:

Virgil’s main function is fight or flight, not anxiety. Anxiety was just the most “noticeable” thing about him, and so the other functions (and Thomas) labeled him the best way they knew how at the time. They never started calling him fight or flight because they had already been calling him anxiety for so long, and because it doesn’t have the same ring to it. The same goes for Janus with his primary trait being self preservation and secondary being deceit. 

In this particular au where I’m making it canon that Roman’s main trait is ego and not creativity, when all the responsibilities shift it changes Remus’s functions from dark creativity & intrusive thoughts to ingenuity & resilience. No particular reason, I just want nice things for Remus. 

Anyway, what if a dark side is just a demonized side? Which is why when Roman becomes ego or pride for a lot of people he becomes “dark.” It’s a perception thing.

[citadel-of-paper-birds]

Roman & Remus Sanders

So... more Roman Sanders fanart today because I can't stop thinking about all my silly little headcanons regarding him, Remus, their split and potentially their reunification. So I thought I'd finally share in case anyone else is stuck with the same endless loop of thoughts!

Anyway, this one's a little more interpretive, just like the other pieces. Roman, blindfolded, has a hand coming from his mouth holding a rose (which is honestly a little hard to see - the shading got dicey there, sorry). The blindfold is supposed to be a representation of willful blindness, leading to resistance to change whereas the hand with the flower is supposed to represent Roman's own stifled creativity.

All of Roman's ideas are filtered through Patton first, and I'd bet that he probably doesn't bring anything to the table that wouldn't be Patton-approved. Our boy is a people pleaser after all! That said, it's still a major limitation of his ability to fully express himself - thus, the hand blocking Roman's ability to speak.

The rose the hand is holding is what ties into the whole "pretty lies, ugly truths" line, and it's kinda self explanatory. Roman dresses up everything he does with a nice picture-perfect prince persona, a lovely lie. The ugly truth being, of course, that Roman is more than that persona, and in fact before they had split, he and Remus were the same person which means Roman is truly just as 'twisted' as Remus - because in a way, Remus IS Roman and vice versa.

As a side note, I did debate using a light blue color to indicate that the hand coming from a Roman's mouth belongs to Patton, but I decided against it for two reasons. The first reason was aesthetic - the color would have clashed with the vision I had for the piece, and how it would have looked with the other pieces in the series. The second is because while Patton plays a major role in Roman's repression, he's not the only side at fault.

C!Thomas simply refused to reconcile that fact which led to the split. Now neither Roman nor Remus are a full side/person, they're each half of a whole. I think this is why at times it feels like Remus doesn't have a function past intrusive thoughts/dark creativity. (Although it's really more that C!Thomas just won't draw on that brand of creativity.)

The thing is that if Roman and Remus were to re-merge with each other, C!Thomas's art would become deeper and more meaningful. Roman's art is great, but it can be a little superficial because messiness and unpleasantness is a side effect you gain for depth. Depth means complication. Remus isn't utilized because there's nothing to taper his ideas into something manageable and feasible.

Also side note but my Remus & Roman pieces for this are titled "The Prince" and "The Monster" which is why Remus looks more monstrous than Roman in his. Roman is willingly ignorant to the parts of himself he's denying (including Remus), which is why his eyes are covered by butterflies. "Pretty lies, ugly truths" and all that.

So I have a lot of ideas such as Remus potentially having fits where he turns into something more monstrous as a result of the split between him and Roman? Sort of like how Deceit started to take on more snake-like attributes? But the transformations are a bit painful because they're so unnatural compared to even Janus's changes...

To quote how I explained my thinking to a friend, "Conceptually the more Thomas repressed the dark side of his creativity, he's by extension repressing more and more of himself. Kind of like in the Steven Universe Future finale episodes? In my version of the mindscape (according to notes I barely remember writing) the imagination is a physical place controlled by both Remus and Roman, and their ability to control it works like a magical ability. Because Remus's ability is being stopped-up with nowhere to go, he's been trying his best to keep the metaphorical (maybe somewhat literal) explosion at bay but something's got to give eventually.

Cue Roman having an equally bad time, as I explained in my ramblings earlier, and his magic is also responding in kind because while he IS able to create the things he puts his mind to, his actual creativity and imagination are being stifled in their own way (*cough* just like Remus *cough cough*) and it's making him feel like he isn't able to really communicate. Art IS how Roman communicates and not being able to do so effectively, having that communication filtered and limited, is finally taking its toll."

I've been toying with the idea that the re-merging could be entirely voluntary. All the criticism from Patton and Virgil (extra harsh since he's also beating himself up as Thomas's ego), Logan being distracted with his own issues, and feeling like he's continuously failing to make Thomas happy despite trying his hardest... all of that is a lot to maintain. So to make the desicion to go to Remus and actually ASK him to re-merge in a last ditch effort to make Thomas happier and healthier? Because really, he and Remus were never MEANT to be separate.

And maybe the others would think it's a bad change at first because it IS different. This new Creativity is so different but so familiar at the same time and the uncanny Valley of it is off-putting to them. It's like looking at the loved ones they've come to know through distorted glass. Hence my, "Death is only the end if you assume the story is about you," WtNV quote in the picture above.

But it isn't a bad change. Roman and Remus were always meant to be one person - the SAME person. The strain on Thomas's ego is caused by that split to some degree because there's no independence of mind. Ironically as Thomas's creativity, Roman was limiting himself to *Patton's* ideas. Like a student presenting ideas to a teacher in an art class - filtered for public and age-appropriate consumption but not very deep, like I mentioned earlier.

And Remus didn't have any of the gravitas to his ideas, didn't have any grounding in reality *at all* so he could never focus his ideas into a solid form and actually CREATE anything. And on top of that, he also only received the ideas that Patton would never approve, so he became labeled as nothing more than impulsive thoughts.

So my thought process because I'm a flowery and unoriginal bitch when it comes to my writing is to use the prince/king metaphor. Growing pains associated with taking the throne... in old times the king usually ruled until they died which implies that for a new king to be coronated someone/thing has had to die to make that vacancy. It also means the death of a prince for the conception of a new king!

Now onto the other sides in this whole mess-

Patton has just started learning in the most recent episodes to try to lighten up his grip, but he learned it too late to save the situation from heartbreak at Roman's expense. Roman works as Thomas's ego so feeling like he's not a good person, like he's the problem? That would make *Thomas* feel the same way. This would, ironically, make things spiral worse because the other sides still haven't figured out how badly they're damaging Roman's self esteem... they really only see him as creativity, not grasping that all of Thomas's pride is wrapped up in his ability to create.

Patton having the knowledge that HE is the one who caused not only the initial split all those years ago, but ALSO this crisis that drove Roman to such an impulsive decision the merge with Remus? Devastating.

And then there's Janus...

Because the thing is if Roman is the ego, the prince in this metaphor, then technically Janus is the knight. Because why wouldn't it be self preservation's job to protect the ego, the core of Thomas? Why wouldn't a knight protect a prince? But he didn't. He was locked in a metaphorical dungeon where Thomas couldn't see or hear him, made out to be a monster and nothing more than a deceiver. The others had managed to twist things to make the protector look like an enemy so Roman couldn't even trust the one person who was supposed to make sure this couldn't happen.

And Janus was probably so hurt and angry feeling like Roman LET them twist it.

I don't have any artwork of Janus for this particular theory of mine yet, so take this place holder until I do!

In reality, Roman never *let* the other sides do anything. The original Creativity before the split had LOVED Janus. It was during the incident that caused the split that Patton had made his decision about Janus too. Because see after all, Janus was defending Creativity's right to creative and emotional freedom, so Patton saw him as equally bad/dangerous to Thomas. When the split happened, Janus took Remus because Roman wouldn't even look at him - Roman was a perfectly severed fragment that held no warm feelings towards Janus.

But like I said, this merge is actually a GOOD thing. The fusion of Remus and Roman has both the best and worst qualities of both, but since they're no longer each only half a person they can actually follow through with things to full capacity while still maintaining a semblance of self control. They're more confident in themselves and by extension Thomas is too. Plus now that both creativities are combined Thomas can channel more negative emotions into his art for a therapeutic release. That catharsis of negativity from him can be nothing but good for Patton honestly! It causes less stress on him in the long run.

Plus this combined version of Creativity also wouldn't be afraid of Janus. He's Roman but he's also Remus, so he and Janus would become even closer down the line I think. The newfound levelheadedness that comes with increased maturity and clarity from being more than half a mind, Logan would also have less stress surrounding Creativity's endeavors too.

I was fiddling around with a plan that would make them able to split at will. They're creativity, right? So the ability to split in the first place might be unique to them! Because only they could *that vividly* imagine something like that happening for real. And it would also be beneficial to Thomas for them to be able to split. Two heads are better than one and all that - but I like to think that it makes it so Remus is a little more level and Roman is a little less restrained. Like... once in a while Roman will throw out an idea that sounds absolutely heinous - like where did that come from my guy? But also once in a while REMUS is the voice of reason like, "wouldn't that kill us all?"

I don't know, I like the idea that the merge is a thing until all the sides are able to talk with the new Creativity, and it's Patton admitting finally, broken down that he misses not just Roman but surprisingly *Remus* that makes the change. Remus just needed to hear he was wanted, and Roman needed to hear he didn't need to be perfect. Being one person was a great defense mechanism, and being able to separate is great for creative flow.

Alright, thanks for reading (if anyone bothered to get through this LITERAL essay)!

[citadel-of-paper-birds]

An art dump of sorts...

Cross-posted on my Twitter account.

[citadel-of-paper-birds]

"How many centuries deep is your wound?"

"Twelve or so deep, I'd say. It's a long story. This is a long dream."

So I've been listening to a lot of waltzes lately. Waltzes are my favorite type of classical piece, and it's been really easy to just fall into a rythym when I draw while listening to it recently.

I've also been writing my own folktales and folk-inspired stories for a few years now, and this is one of the characters I thought up all those years ago. Anyway, if you've ever made a world before, I'd love to hear about it. I'm also always taking music recommendations and I listen to everything (including other languages, screaming, opera, country, rap, etc...).

[citadel-of-paper-birds]

Soooo this is an Attack on Titan fanart I did of Historia for a friend's Ymir/Historia au. I went nuts with the colors but that's kind of been my signature lately it seems.

[citadel-of-paper-birds]

Remus has been like an intrusive thought in and of himself for me lately...

I have this plot snippet in my head wherein Roman, as a result of the events of the last few videos, asks (or maybe it's an unexpected, I haven't really gotten that far-) to re-fuse with Remus. It causes some growing pains being one person (a new person?) again.

I have this thought of how hard the split must have been for Remus and Roman when it happened, and in a way this au is about that too.

Thus the angsty artwork I've made for my own au. 🥲 It's fun drawing the creativitwins though because I can be as 'artsy' with the concept as I want when I'm drawing physical manifestations of creativity!