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borathae · 3 months

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The Consequences of Fucking Up

“Your break up was messy and painful. All you want to do is to forget about him. His friends, who ever since you ended it with Yoongi see you as their bullying target, make sure that the memory of him stays fresh in your mind however, haunting you day by fucking day. While Yoongi makes it seem as if he gives no fuck about your situation. Until one night he is in front of your door. Drunk and fucking regretful.”

♥️ Requested by anonie ♥️

Pairing: Gangster!Yoongi x f.Reader

Genre: Exes!AU, Messy Break-Up!AU, Crime!AU, Cop!AU, Hurt and Comfort, Angst, Smut, a lil bit of Fluff

Wordcount: 15.9k

Warnings: lowkey they're bad for each other, but also somehow so right?, OC is such a people hater, I feel like she has mental health issues which are never addressed tbfh, she is quite the pessimist, unhealthy consumption of alcohol, smoking of cigarettes & weed (listen. i hate smoking and stand by that but it sadly fits their characters), Yoongi is kinda apathetic and cold, or is he??, IS HE???, implied violence and murder, corrupt cops & lawyers, policeman!Jungkook makes an appearance and he stole my heart tbfh :(, he is so cute that i almost sobbed, drugdealer!Hoseok makes an appearance too, there is also detective!Namjoon and smuggler!Taehyung because I love this vibe :); abuse of power, fuck Yoongi just fuck he is so ngngn, slightly protective & possessive!Yoongi, intoxicated sex, desperate!Yoongi, no foreplay, but she is not uncomfortable, choking (m.receiving), rough desperate sex, position change from sex against a sofa to missionary on said sofa, a lil bit of strength kink hihi, he cums too soon, dirty talk, tears :'), he is actually so emotional during the sex, the ending is so cheesy and cute <3, Spoiler: he is willing to change!! and he is a cutie actually, jsjsjsj sorry but i love yoongi a lot :(

Disclaimer: This is purely fiction and isn't like my usual stories. It does not portray how the boys actually are and it is not how I see them. This is a work of fiction with no correlation to real life. The type of relationships depicted in this story are far from how I normally portray my relationships and I do not advertise for such relationhips or staying in such relationships. This story is supposed to be twisted and dark & so are the relationships in it, as well as the characters. You have been warned. If you decide to continue reading, then it is out of your own free will.

a/n: now that the disclaimer is out of the way i can officially bark because woof woof fuckkcc anonie thank you so much for this idea. i had the worst and best time writing this story like nfnfnf her mental state was definitely very difficult to write, but their tension just got to me. i made the ending as cute and fluffy as possible just as you wanted hihi <3 also i love villian characters who would set the whole world on fire just to prove their dedication :) i hope this is what you imagined, because i kinda made it longer and with more plot than i planned to at first sjjsjs i couldn't be stopped jsjsj ALSO this is giving me the perfect opportunity to finally write a Kook request I got years ago ohoho

Yoongi collides with the wall, feeling the cold nuzzle of the gun press against his chin. He drops the keys and flowers he was carrying, lifting his hands in defeat.

“Careful, it’s just me”, he lulls.

“Get the fuck out of my house”, you spit, carrying murder in your eyes.

Three months prior

“So you’re breaking up with me?” he asks, gawking at you with widened eyes. He looks more surprised than he does hurt. Probably because it hasn’t actually sunk in yet.

“I am.”

“No, you’re not.” He laughs because he never takes anything seriously.

“Yes. I am.”

“Too bad, I won’t act like it.”

“Yeah, you will.”

He laughs, “you’ve had better jokes, but I still admire the commitment.”

“You see. That’s the problem with you. Everything’s a fucking joke to you.”

He is smiling. It reaches his eyes.

“Your job, your men. Me. Everything’s a fucking joke to you. If you would have taken Sukuna’s thread seriously, Soojin would still be alive. If you didn’t fucking insult Miss Mei, you wouldn’t have lost twenty thousand in drugs and you wouldn’t have to fucking kiss asses like a beggar.”

His smile doesn’t reach his eyes anymore.

“If you would have put any kind of effort into me, I wouldn’t be leaving now. You take everything as a joke, while in reality you are the biggest joke here.”

His smile falls. You stood up and that actually scared him.

“Wait baby, wait. Princess, we can talk about this”, he argues, closing the distance with his arms stretched open. “I’ll fix the issue with Miss Mei, I promise.”

“Doesn’t matter. I’m done talking. Soojin died because of your recklessness.”

Yoongi touches your hands. He holds them, clutches them. You have never felt such a touch from him before. As if he actually loved you.

“What can I do? Tell me and I’ll do it”, he offers, caressing your knuckles.

This is what you craved for months. Affection. Attention. You were always a passing thought to him. Something to fuck and possess. Something low maintenance like all his other shit. His current touch almost makes you want to stay because for the briefest moment, your breaking heart wants to believe that he finally changed.

But you know better. He doesn’t take you seriously and if you stay, you will one day end up like Soojin. Metaphorically or not, you will end up dead because of him.

“There is nothing you can do. Sorry.”

You slip out of his touch.

“Baby”, Yoongi follows you with panicked eyes, trying to touch you again.

“Goodbye, Min Yoongi.”

“Please don’t leave me.”

You close the door and run, finally letting the tears escape.

You love him.

You always have and perhaps always will.

You don’t want to leave, but know that staying will kill you.

One week passes. You spent it holed up in your small, shitty apartment, crying your heart out. Yoongi was the best and worst thing that ever happened to you and you miss him. You hate that you miss him. Because he was way worse than he was good.

He was never abusive. He was a violent man to anyone but you. You, he always touched with utmost care. At you, he never screamed. But he was still not good. He was cold and apathetic at times, then terribly affectionate at others, only to become cold again. And you couldn’t take it anymore.

You wouldn’t have left your apartment today if your fridge hadn’t been empty. It wasn’t always empty, but sadly enough, groceries don’t magically appear. Not even for an outlaw such as yourself.

The city is busy. The smell of street food, smog and body odor poisons the air. The weather is hot these days and people started sweating more. You can’t stand people. You pull the mask tighter around your nose, hoping to shield the stench this way.

You greet the clerk when you enter the shop, lowering your mask. It smells of grocery store in here. Fresh bread, produce and clean floors. It’s a welcome change to the rancid outside.

You spent fourty minutes in the shop and pay with cash. You never pay with card because it can be traced. Someone like you can’t risk being found.

“See you”, you say your goodbyes and leave the store. You plan on coming back in three weeks. You can’t stand being outside often.

The door just about closed behind you and then someone jumps you. Three people to be more exact. Two hold your arms while one rips the bags out of your hands.

“Let go! Hey, you fuckers!” you fight them off instantly, surprised at how easily it is to do. Way too easy. They let go of you as quickly as they grabbed you. At first you think that nothing happened, until you notice your grocery bags in one of the guys’ hands. They stole your stuff!

“You motherfuckers! Get back here! They’re mine!”

They run away, flipping you off over their shoulders.

You sprint after them, but before you reach them, they jump onto a tuk tuk and drive off, finally showing you their faces. Those were some of Yoongi’s underlings.

“What the fuck?” You stumble back in disbelief. “Did they fucking steal my food? What the fuck’s happening?”

It takes you a while before you finally come to the conclusion that you have to buy everything they stole a second time. And you do. And nobody jumps you. And you go home, make yourself shitty dinner and drink a bottle of soju all by yourself. It isn’t a good night. It’s a shit night. But then. All your nights have been shit for years.

You met Yoongi four years ago. It correlates with when your shit nights began. Okay, you are being unfair. The first two years with him were paradise and your nights were wonderful. You were an aspiring lawyer, while he was in the midst of getting a promotion to superintendent. You supported each other’s dreams, motivated each other and celebrated when your goals were achieved. Then the truth spilled out. The man you knew to love turned out to be a lie. Why you never left, you do not know. He gave you the chance to leave, but you didn’t. You made yourself low maintenance to him and your nights became shit. He pretended to be a proper policeman by day while you pretended to be a proper lawyer and at night he became what he hunted by day while you tried to hide whatever evidence about him flooded into the offices. You hated it at first, then loved it, then lost your job because of it and became dependent on him and started to hate it again. Well, at least working for him. You liked everything else. Having to work in the system and seeing how corrupt even the most eligible politicians or CEOs truly are, made you realise that perhaps stealing from them isn’t as bad as it first sounded. You liked being on the dark side of the law because the bright side was just as twisted. You just simply started to hate that it means being close to Yoongi.

It took Soojin’s death to finally make you realise that staying with him will end in your death as well. And so you finally left.

You will start a new life, make up a new identity, move to a different country and forget about him. Maybe. Who knows. You haven’t decided yet.

A letter comes five days after the grocery store incident. It is stuffed into an unsealed envelope and clearly delivered by the person who wrote it. You open it, feeling shit instantly. Whoever wrote this letter is calling you the most hurtful of names, telling you personal stuff which truly hurts. You throw it away and go back inside, opening a bottle of soju. It wasn’t Yoongi’s handwriting, but somehow you still think that it is connected to him. You try not to let it get to you, but you still end up rotting away in your bed for the rest of the week only leaving it to piss, shit and eat.

The next week your packages are missing. You never get them back. The culprit is never found. You curse the sky, knowing that it was fruitless. Yet again, you think that it was connected to him. To Yoongi, the man you wanted to forget, but who keeps haunting you day by day.

The city at night is a dangerous place. If you don’t know where to walk, you could find yourself in a rather messy situation. Especially as a woman. You are glad that most women are clever enough to stay at home once darkness greets the streets. Most women don’t know how to defend themselves though. Properly and without the law in mind. You killed before. Once. It was self defence. Yoongi took care of the body, you never found out what happened to it. He stayed with you the night it happened, even let you cry in his arms. He was gone the next day and never spoke of it again.

You clutch the big knife tightly in your bag, scanning the streets constantly. It isn’t far anymore until you are home. Hopefully the heavy rain clouds stay dry until you get there. You aren’t in the mood to get wet. Not tonight. You would have never left if you hadn’t ran out of fucking cigarettes. The kiosk was closed, so the journey was useless. Thunder announces that the clouds aren’t your friends. Mere seconds later, it starts pouring.

“Fucking shit, I hate this city.”

Rain in this city is always dirty and never really cold. You take it as a bad sign. Rain shouldn’t be warm. Not always, not constantly. Something’s wrong with this city. Something is rotting slowly until one day it will consume everything in its wake. You hope to have left before it can wake up.

The way home is too long for the amount of dirty rain it pours. You find refuge under a shop sign. There are no rooftops or canopies in sight and the only thing close to a safe place was the stupid restaurant sign. Authentic Asian Beef Noodles, it reads in bright red letters. The place is stuffed with people and the smell of beef broth mixes with the dirty scent of rain. You grind your teeth. What a shitty situation you find yourself in. You prefer being outside though. You know that once inside, the restaurant would be hot and stink of digested booze and body odor. You take getting wet over breathing in people’s air.

Except that you don’t really stay wet for long. The distinct sound of rain hitting an umbrella meets your ears. You look up. Black. You look to the side at the person holding it. Yoongi. Your stomach twists, your heart skips a beat. He is wearing a suit tonight. Black with a black tie. His hair is slicked back. He used makeup to conceal the scar running all the way from his forehead over his eye and down half his cheek. This is his work outfit. His police chief outfit. Yes. He is a chief these days.

Your instincts tell you to leave without saying anything, but it’s been six weeks since the breakup and you still love him. You hate that you do, but can’t stop staring at his face. He has his brows raised in a nonchalant way as he inspects the heavy rain. He doesn’t grant you eye contact, but holds the umbrella in a way which lets you know that he came out here after seeing you. His left shoulder is getting wet, while you stay dry completely.

“What are you doing here?” you hear yourself ask him.

“Work dinner. I have to pay ‘cause I’m the boss and all that shit. They’re eating like greedy pigs”, he scoffs, “fucking assholes.”

“I see.”

“You?”

“Buying smokes.”

He finally looks at you, studying from head to toe.

“The kiosk was closed”, you answer his question about your cigarettes’ whereabouts before he can ask it.

“I thought you quit.”

“Some things happened which made me start again.”

“Mhm”, he hums and takes out a packet of cigarettes from the inside of his suit jacket. He lights himself one and puts the packet away again, leaving you to stare at the smoke he blows out through his nose.

He isn’t actually serious, is he? It is like he is mocking you. It is already bad enough that he sends his stupid goons to terrorise you, now he is mocking you as well? You hate that you still love him.

You stay like this for a while. You staring at him while he holds the umbrella for you and smokes. You don’t know why you stay. You hate that you love him. You hate it so much.

Yoongi takes a long drag of the cigarette and exhales the smoke in an almost sigh-like breath. He lifts the cigarette, holding it closer to you.

“What?” you sound disbelieved, scandalised even.

He doesn’t say anything. He just shows you the cigarette as his eyes follow the endless rain. You hate that you love him. You hate it so much. But you still take the cigarette and put your lips right where he had his’ moments before. But you still smoke it as if it was the most normal thing to do. Because it once was. You and he shared many smokes in the past. It was once the most sensual, erotic thing to do between you and him. Barely clothed, intoxicated minds and high on the other, you often shared a joint as you got each other off. Fuck, it was always so fucking orgasmic to be with him that way.

“Wanna grab a bite?” he offers, pointing at the restaurant behind him, “one more mouth to feed isn’t gonna ruin me.”

You are hungry. You haven’t had a proper meal in weeks. Instant ramen, frozen food and snacks is all your body has to run on. You have no energy to cook and with how shitty you eat, it is a vicious cycle. Shitty food gives little energy, you already have low energy. The motivation to properly cook grows lower and lower each day. You dread the day you have only enough energy left to open a package of chips and eat it for breakfast, lunch and dinner.

“I’m not hungry.”

He glances at you. He knows that you are lying. Your eyes have greyed in starvation. He almost rips the cigarette out of your fingers and smokes it angrily, huffing out the smoke.

“I’m offering”, he hisses.

“And I’m declining. I can take care of myself”, you throw back and rip the cigarette from his grasp to smoke it angrily.

You may be starving, but you will be damned if you make yourself dependent on him again. You left him to finally prove to yourself that you can take care of yourself. You don’t need his help. Not anymore.

You take another deep drag, then hand the cigarette to him. He smokes it, glaring at you. You know that your stubbornness angers him.

“Tell your men to stop pestering me”, you say into the tense silence.

He looks over his shoulder at his police team. They are too drunk and caught in conversation to pay their boss any mind.

“They’re inside”, he says.

“You know I don’t mean them. Tell your other men to stop annoying me.”

“I have no idea what you’re talking about.”

“Yes. You do.” It is your turn to smoke. “It all started when they stole my groceries, but it’s been getting childish. My packages keep getting stolen, my internet cuts off, I find letters in my mail. Letters saying awful things about me. It’s getting ridiculous. Tell your men to stop terrorising me.”

“Stolen packages?” He takes the cigarette from you, brushing his fingers against yours as he does. The touch feels like the sweetest poison on your skin. “This doesn’t sound like my problem to solve. Go to the police.”

“Are you serious?”

He inhales, exhales the smoke into your face. You should be disgusted by it, but almost huff it in like an addict. Yoongi watches your lids lower and your chest raise in a greedy breath, finding it hard not to stare at your lips as he hands you the cigarette. You smoke it. His eyes are still on your lips, glued to the shape of them as his throat runs dry.

“Very serious”, he rasps.

“You are the police”, you throw back in disbelief, exhaling the smoke into his face that way.

“Mhm yeah, I guess I am.” He takes the cigarette, smoking it with half lidded eyes. He exhales, handing you the cigarette. “When are you going to come home again?” he asks, looking back at the rain.

You almost choke on the smoke, exhaling it in a cough. Yoongi glances at you from the corner of his eyes.

“Your farce is getting ridiculous”, he says coldly.

“My farce?”

This break up wasn’t the first break up you and he went through. You left many times before, always thinking that you were finally strong enough to forget him only to come crawling back again. You don’t blame him for doubting that this time will be different, but you still can’t stop yourself from getting angry.

“Did you even hear what I said?”

“I did. Go to the police. I have nothing to do with it.”

You drop the half-finished cigarette. It dies in the puddle on the ground.

“I was smoking this”, he says dryly, “besides, don’t litter.”

“Pick it up yourself if you care so much about these dirty ass streets”, you spit and turn to leave. You take getting wet over being with him any longer.

Yoongi watches you leave, shakes his head in disbelief and bends down to pick up the cigarette. He won’t run after you because you will come crawling back eventually. You always do.

“Sir?”

He turns his head. One of his officers. He is young and with sparkles of big dreams in his eyes. Yoongi pities him. This city is going to chew him up until there is nothing left of him. He had the same dreams once and knows what the viper nest, which is the justice system, is going to do to him.

“What do you want?” he asks him dryly, rolling the wet cigarette between his fingers.

“Who did you talk to right now?”

“Just someone important to me.”

“Shouldn’t we escort her home? It’s raining and there could be criminals on the streets. It’s too dangerous for a woman to be alone.”

“She’ll get home safely.”

“Are you sure, Sir? I stayed sober for cases like these. I could get the car right away.”

“You’re sober?”

“Yes, Sir.”

“But it’s a work dinner. You’ve been off work for hours.”

The young officer salutes, “I know, Sir but a policeman shouldn’t slack, Sir.”

Yoongi feels deep pity for the young man. He is so motivated, so proper and full of good spirit. Waking up is going to hurt like a bitch for him.

He pats him on the shoulder.

“You’re a good person, Jeon”, he says and swerves past him to get back inside.

The young officer follows him with pride glimmering in his innocent eyes. Yes, waking up is going to hurt like a bitch for him.

Yoongi wasn’t always living two lives. He was like his young officer once. Full of dreams and motivation. He dreamed of using his powers to do good, to help those who needed it most and then he woke up. He watched politicians and men in power ruin, rape and kill the powerless without ever getting punished for it. He felt helpless. If even someone in his position can’t change the world, then who will? His criminal work was honourable once. He slipped evidence money under the table to hand out to the powerless, he let proof disappear for people doing crimes out of desperation. One time he was supposed to put a starving mother behind bars because she stole diapers for her babies. Yoongi couldn’t do it and so he disobeyed the law for these kinds of people.

But then his criminal work became less about the powerless and more about him. Making money the illegal way was easy and it is fucking addicting. Especially when he could make sure that evidence about him never reached the higher ups. Yoongi fucking loved the sudden power he possessed and he was too blinded by it to see that he became exactly what drove him to criminality in the first place.

Yoongi tells his officer to check up on your place that night. The young officer rings the doorbell like he was told to do.

You open it, swaying from intoxication as you do. The stench of digested booze wafts off you. But you somehow seem to sober up when you see the police badges on his shirt.

“You’ve got the wrong person”, you tell him, trying to morph your face into an expression of sobriety.

“Don’t worry, Miss. I came here to check on you.”

“Check on me?”

“Yes, Miss.” He salutes you. “I have orders from my captain to make sure that you arrived home safely and that you received this”, he says with an innocent smile on his lips, presenting a plastic bag to you.

Authentic Asian Beef Noodles, it reads in red letters and inside, three big takeout containers of food are waiting to be eaten.

Everything clicks into place. This is one of Yoongi’s employees. Another young, hopeful spirit which will be crushed in the system. You pity the young officer. You had the same innocent sparkle in your eyes once.

Hesitantly, you accept the takeout food.

“Thanks”, you mumble.

“Any time, Miss.” He studies you for a moment. “Are you…are you okay, Miss?”

You bite back tears. His empathy is going to kill him one day. But it feels so good to receive. You haven’t been asked this question in so long.

You shake your head. He straightens up in worry.

“Should I call help for you, Miss?”

You know what he indicates.

“Thank you, no. I’m just going through some shit. Sorry, I’m being sappy tonight.”

“You don’t have to go through it alone, Miss.”

“I know. I’m just… I’m seriously alright, I won’t do anything stupid. You don’t have to worry, officer.”

“Yes, well I still see it as my duty to stay because you seem sad to me”, he says and tries to go inside your apartment. He still has a lot to learn. You know from his eyes that he has no bad intentions and that he truly wants to help, but you know how the city will treat such deeds. One day he will try to help the wrong person and end up with attempted sexual assault charges. And it will fucking destroy him because people like him only see the good in the world and can’t imagine that others would want to hurt people.

You stop him with a guiding hand on his chest.

“That isn’t necessary, really. My packages keep getting stolen and I guess it’s been annoying me.”

He pulls out a pen paper instantly, stepping closer to you without noticing, “your packages? Have you seen anyone suspicious? How many packages have gone missing? When did it start?”

“No, I… Thank you for your concern and the food, but I will get through the night safely.”

He steps back, cheeks reddened in embarrassment.

“Forgive me, I don’t know why I did that. My captain said that you were important to him and that I should make sure that you are well, so I wanted to do a good job at it.” He bows at you deeply. “Please forgive me, Miss.”

“He said that?” you whisper.

He nods his head, “yes, Miss.”

“Oh. Uhm. ” You clear your throat. “Thank you, I, uhm, tell him that I’m good.”

“I will, Miss. Here, my card. You can always call me when you need something” he hesitates, “or when you just need someone to talk to.”

“Thank you. This is so kind.”

“You are never alone, Miss.”

“Thank you”, you say, bowing at him. He is so kind. God, you want to grab him and tell him to run before it’s too late.

He bows as well, “good night, Miss.”

“Good night.”

You watch him leave. He gives you one last look out of the police car and a kind wave, then drives off.

You close the door with a curse. This just sobered you up. The young policeman’s kindness just sobered you up. You check his name on the card he handed you. Jeon Jungkook. Why someone like him? He never should have found his way into this field of work.

You look at the takeout food next, feeling your stomach twist. You are important to Yoongi. Holy fuck.

It’s been eight weeks since you left him. You don’t feel better. The cigarette you shared was two weeks ago and yet you still feel as if it was sticking to your lungs. Each time you breathe out, you swear you can taste him. It almost suffocates you and keeps you from relaxing. So you leave your depressing place for a walk to the kiosk. You read somewhere that walks are good for one’s mental health. You can’t agree. Walks force you to be outside where people are loud and fucking stink.

The vendor must be fucking with you. The day is bright, but the kiosk is closed again. You bang your fist against the closed door, cursing loudly. You want your fucking smokes is that too much to ask? This city is fucking shit.

You’ll just call someone who will always help. You saved him as Jay. His real name is Hoseok. You don’t say his real name in public. He doesn’t say yours. Yoongi sometimes called him his best friend, but what is such a title out of the mouth of the most apathetic man you know? You were his girlfriend too and look at where this has gotten you, living as an outlaw in the shit and dirt of this city.

Like always, Hoseok lets the phone ring four times then he picks up.

“Flames are hot”, he says.

“And the arsonist works hard”, you answer him.

“Hyacinth, it’s good to hear your voice”, there is finally a smile in his voice now that you answered the code correctly.

“The same goes for you, Jay.”

“What’s up? I haven’t heard from you in ages.”

“Nothing much. I’m out of smokes.”

“The corner in twenty?”

“Yeah.”

You and he end the call at the same time. Twenty minutes later you meet. He wears black overalls and smudged eyeliner. He says it keeps the char easier to hide. Like always, he greets you with a quick hug.

“What do you got?” you ask him.

“Whatever you want.” He opens his bag. “I’ve got cigarettes, but something stronger too”, he says, scurrying around the contents of the bag with his fingers. He always has burn marks on them, but somehow they are never dirty.

“What do fifty bucks buy?”

“For you? Two packs of cigarettes and two joints. That’s a steal.”

“Fuck dude, you’re getting expensive.”

“Yeah well, a man’s gotta eat.”

“Fine, I’ll take it.”

You and he exchange goods. He makes small talk.

“But why are you here with me? Did Suga run out of goods?”

Suga is Yoongi’s codename in public. The sound of it almost brings bile into your throat. You did such a good job in forgetting him and now the memory of him is as fresh as a new day. At least you like to pretend that you are doing a good job at forgetting him. Your heart knows better though.

“We, uhm…”

Hoseok exhales sharply, “again?”

You nod your head.

“When?”

“More than two months ago.”

“Damn, that’s long.”

“Yeah, I’m serious about it.”

He cocks his brow up.

“I am”, you insist just a little snappishly.

“Alright”, he closes his bag, “I gotta go now.”

“Already?”

He looks around nervously. Almost as if he didn’t want to be seen with you.

“Yup. Use the stuff wisely, I won’t have new stuff for a while.”

“Seriously?”

He nods his head and salutes you nonchalantly.

“See you around.”

“See…you?”

He turns his back to you and walks off quickly, soon disappearing into the busy crowd. Is this your fate? Even the people closest to you avoid you now that you aren’t Yoongi’s anymore? Were you truly only worth something as his little thing? You ball your hands into fists, bending the joints this way. You have to leave this fucking place. There is actually nothing holding you here anymore.

That night the phone terror starts. Numbers keep calling you over and over and over again. You pick up the first time, only to have to listen to the most hurtful things another human has ever said to you. The voice wasn’t Yoongi’s, but you still blame him. Now that you aren’t his thing anymore, you became free food to whoever had been waiting to make your life a living hell. You turn off your phone after an hour and go to sleep with the help of Hoseok’s joints.

The doorbell wakes you the next morning. You consider not answering because it’s probably just one of his goons wanting to terrorise you. But whoever is ringing the doorbell is stubborn, forcing you out of your bedroom. You look through the door cam first.

That young officer. He is in full uniform.

You open the door hesitantly.

“Good morning”, he greets you with a wave and a smile.

“Good morning”, you murmur. Your mouth is as dry as a fucking desert. You are also so hungry that you could throw up in his face right now.

“How are you feeling, Miss?”

“Good.”

“That’s good to hear.” He says and shows you a package which he kept hidden behind his back all this time. He smiles brightly and proudly. “Tada!”

“What’s that?”

“I caught the package thief, Miss.”

“Are you serious?” you gasp and your eyes instinctively drift to the car you have noticed parked outside your unit for days. The door is opened and someone is sitting in the backseat. He looked cuffed to the seat. You glance at the young officer and the shiteating, proud grin he is sporting. He has been watching you? Did Yoongi tell him to?

“Wait. You’re actually serious.”

“Very serious. For you, Miss”, he says and shoves the package into your face.

“Uhm, uh. Thanks”, you accept it, putting it under your arm. “Have you been watching me?”

“Did you notice the car? Sorry, I thought that I was better hidden. I’m still new to all of this. But I caught the thief, heh.” He points at himself with his thumbs. “That’s my first real arrest.”

He manages to drag an honest smile to your lips. He is kind of adorable in a way.

“That’s cool. Thank you for taking care of it. Now I’ve got nothing to worry about anymore.”

He grins and nods his head, studying your features afterwards. He opens his mouth.

“Jeon are you there? Over”, his walkie talkie interrupts whatever he wanted to ask you. He takes it off his chest harness.

“I’m here, Kim Sir. Over.”

“Come to the precinct. We need reinforcements. Over.”

“Coming right away, Sir. I caught a thief right now, Sir. Over.”

A pause where the higher officer is definitely baffled by his confession.

“Good job, Jeon. Over.”

The young officer giggles before he speaks again, doing so as seriously as possible.

“Thank you, Kim Sir. I am taking the criminal to the precinct. Over.”

“Understood. Over.”

He puts the walkie talkie back on its harness and gives you a sorry smile.

“That was my boss. My other boss, not your friend who is the boss of this boss. Anyways. I have to go now, duty calls. Are you going to be okay, Miss?”

“I am. Thank you for your kindness.”

“Anytime, Miss. Uhm, have a good day”, he says and leaves with a wave of his hand. He waves again as he drives off. You retort it, staring at his car until it disappears behind a corner. You sigh deeply. He is so nice. Why someone like him? Why does this life always find people like him?

It’s been ten weeks since you left him. You read somewhere that walks are good for your mental health. You still can’t agree. Walks force you to be outside where people are still loud and still fucking stink. But it’s better than staying in your apartment. You’ve got new neighbours since Monday. They keep fucking like actual animals. They fucked when you left your place tonight. You were this close to kicking their door in and slaughtering them like pigs. You opted for a walk in the end.

You walk for a while then sit down by an empty bench next to the river. It is quiet. Nobody is really here. At least nobody important. A couple, how disgusting. A late night jogger, clearly a man. A homeless person, who uses another bench as their bed. You hate looking at homeless people because you feel helpless seeing them. You stopped being on the bright side of the law because of people like them. You thought that maybe if you stole from the corrupt men in power often enough, you would be able to help the ones who truly needed it. But you never managed to actually achieve anything. The homelessness in the city grows, while the pockets of the politicians become fatter and fatter in wealth. You fucking hate this city. It is rotten to the core.

“Look who we have here. If that isn’t our pretty little Hyacinth.”

You aren’t quick enough to get up to leave and then you already have two men throwing their arms over your shoulders while a third is grabbing the back of your head from behind. You try to reach for your knife but can’t. Their grip on you is too good.

“What are you doing here all alone?”

Their voices are familiar and one look at them confirms your suspicions. It’s them. The same three underlings who stole your groceries months ago.

“Leave me alone”, you tell them.

“Why should we? You are all alone. If the boss knew we’re leaving you alone, he’d grow angry.”

“I can take care of myself.”

“Now, now don’t be like that. You’re just a girl and there are many dangerous men out there.”

You look to your side. One of them is licking their lips like a hungry animal.

“Yeah? And you’re being fucking inappropriate. Leave me alone”, you spit, shaking off their arms.

They let you. Just as they let you stand up and take your bag.

“Goodnight”, you tell them and leave. Quickly. You walk a good hundred feet until you finally dare to look over your shoulder only to realise in horror that they are following you. Quickly.

You can defend yourself. You know how to kill, but you also know when you are outnumbered. And three bigger men against a woman is sadly never going to end well for the woman. You hate this city and you hate this life. You know that their words were nothing but provocation. They know you aren’t with Yoongi anymore, that you aren’t under his protection anymore and that in some weird way, you sullied his honour. You also know how people who bring dishonour to the gangs of this city are punished. The men are murdered and the women, well, they are murdered too but not before being sullied themselves. You hate this city and you hate this life. This life which is going to fucking end for you soon.

You dare to look over your shoulder one more time. They are so close that you can see the hunger in their eyes. No. Nononononono. It can’t end like this. You were supposed to leave this city, start a new life, forget about Yoongi. You are not going to die here in this dirty, shitty park far away from your dream.

Thump.

You bounce back from the impact, letting out a blood curling scream. It was instinct. Just as it is instinct of the person you ran into to grasp you by your arms and pull you closer again.

“Let me go! Help! Help me!”

“Quiet”, the person hisses and shakes you. This voice sounded different. Familiar in an almost intimate way.

You dare to shift your eyes to them.

Yoongi.

“I, I, I”, you stutter, feeling delirious in both fear and shock. You grab his shirt, twisting it to get closer to him. The act is intimate and out-of-place but you are too frightened to think clearly.

Yoongi brushes over the state of your glassy eyes to look over your shoulder. There are three men suddenly scurrying away, using the darkness to hide. He managed to get their faces.

He looks back at you. Your eyes meet. A little bit of clarity returns to you. What are you doing? Your fingers soften around his shirt.

“I don’t…”

“Come on, we’re going home”, he say sternly and puts an arm around your waist, dragging you with him like this.

You follow him all the way to his car. You even let him sit you down on the passenger seat and you even stay seated when he rounds the car to get to the driver side. You think that you are in shock because you don’t protest when he starts the car, nor when he drives off. You simply stare outside with your knees turned to him because your body acts against your consciousness. The city passes you by in flashes of neon colours. His car smells like his cologne and leather. He has no music playing.

Yoongi glances at your face. You have your head against the window, squeezing your hands between your thighs. The neon lights illuminate your features each time he passes by another light source. He can see that you are trying not to shake.

He takes a deep breath, shifting his eyes to the road. He has to grip the steering wheel, otherwise his hands would shake in anger.

“Should we get dinner?”

His voice rips you from whatever trance you were in. You sit up straight, looking at him. He is gripping the steering wheel to the point his knuckles pale. His long hair is hanging into his face tonight. A turquoise varsity jacket adorns him. His scar wasn’t hidden behind concealer. He wasn’t working his day job today. What was he doing at the park? Why was he there?

“Take me home”, you order him.

“I am.”

“No. Home. Not your place.”

“My place is your home”, he gets out through gritted teeth.

“No, it isn’t. Not anymore.”

“Don’t be ridiculous.”

“Did you see what they were doing to me?”

“No.”

You are lost for words for a moment. The tears come afterwards.

“Stop the car.”

Yoongi looks at you because your voice was shaking. He holds his breath at the sight of your tears.

“What?” he makes sure.

“Stop. The. Car. Now.”

He laughs and shakes his head.

You pull the knife out on him. He swerves to the side on instinct, fixing the mistake so vigorously, you and he shake in the small space. You don’t let it affect you, holding the knife against his skin.

“What the fuck are you doing?” he hisses.

“Stop the fucking car or I’ll kill us both”, you spit, holding the knife against his throat.

“Fuck”, he growls and hits the steering wheel. The car rolls to a stop.

“Get out”, you threaten.

“I am. Fuck.”

He follows your orders because you have his life at blade’s end. He still slams the door closed. You leave the car instantly.

“What the fuck were you thinking? You could have killed us both” he tries to scold you, but you silence him.

“I’m talking now”, you roar.

Yoongi closes his mouth because he has never heard you like this before.

“You are such an asshole! Each day I regret the moment I met you! You are the worst thing that ever happened to me!”

Yoongi gulps.

“I had a life before you. I had dreams and ambitions and, and goals and…a chance. I could have had a good life. I was supposed to use my degree to help people but you ruined everything for me.”

He rounds the car in big steps, coming so close to you that you smell his breath. It smells like chewing gum.

“You could have achieved something? What exactly did you achieve as a lawyer? Mhm, what did you achieve? This city is fucked.”

“Yes, because you fucked it!” you hit his chest. He doesn’t budge, but also doesn’t stop you. “You fucked it and you fucked me and I hate you for it!”

“Don’t blame me for your decisions. I gave you a chance to leave me back then. You were the one who stayed.”

You inch closer until your lips are almost touching. Yoongi exhales shakily, placing his hand on your hip.

“And I will regret this decision till the day I die”, you whisper, breaking the closeness.

You slip out of his hold. He follows you in a small stumble and a trembling gasp.

“I never want to see you again. Are we clear?” you hiss at him.

“Don’t be fucking ridiculous, you don’t want this”, he hisses back at you.

“You’re wrong, I don’t want you. I thought I still did, but I don’t. You don’t care about me, it’s finally so fucking obvious to me. You don’t fucking care.”

“You don’t know what you’re saying.”

“They are terrorising me, Yoongi!” You finally scream. “I wake up to people ringing my doorbell in the middle of the night, I have to keep my phone turned off because the phone calls don’t stop. I keep getting my stuff stolen and, and I thought I was going to be raped tonight! They are terrorising me and you called it not your problem!”

“No, you-”

“I’ve been living in constant fear, our friends don’t even look at me anymore, I haven’t eaten in days and I can’t-”, you stop yourself. He doesn’t even deserve your anger anymore. “-you know what? Fuck this and fuck you. I’m leaving.”

You turn your back to him and leave.

He says your name and takes your hand. He pulls, tries to turn you to him. But you rip yourself free again.

“Don’t go”, he says.

You don’t listen.

“I’m ordering you to stay”, he sounds desperate, yelling your name, “I am ordering you!”

He can yell as much as he wants to. You don’t listen to him anymore. The subway station isn’t far. You will make an exception and take it tonight. Even if you hate it. It stinks. Just like the rest of this shitty city.

You are going to leave. Once you are home, you are going to start packing and then you are going to leave. You will call V. You don’t know his real name, but he can change your identity as quickly as others change their socks. You will call V and tell him to have your passport ready the day after tomorrow. You will pay him with the money you have under your pillow and then leave for somewhere clean. Maybe somewhere with lots of mountains. You always heard that the air at these places is breathable.

You call V the same night. He tells you that two days is too short and to wait another week. So you wait. Your bags have been packed. You live out of them in your own place. You don’t leave it. You are scared. With how little Yoongi cared about your situation, you doubt that he told his men to stop. You are scared that if you left again, they would finally go through with what they couldn’t finish back then.

The doorbell rings during a rainy, dark night. You flinch awake to the point where you feel sick to the stomach. The lights are turned on instantly eventhough you know not to do that in such a situation. You can’t think clearly. You just want this to be over. All of it.

You run to the front door because you suddenly feared that it was unlocked. It isn’t, but you can watch someone push an envelope under your door. The shadow blocking the light outside leaves the moment the letter is inside your apartment.

You don’t want to open it at first, staring at it as if someone had planted a bomb in your apartment. Fuck it, if that is how you die then so be it, you think in the end and bend down to pick it up. It feels different in your fingers. Sophisticated. Intimate. The envelope is glued closed as if someone licked the glue stripe and the faint smell of well-known cologne lingers on the paper. You open it with shaky fingers.

A letter. It is heavy and folded once. You open it, gasping when three photographs fall out of it and onto the ground. You don’t know what is on them because they landed on their face side. So you read the letter first.

“It has always been mine as well.”

Written in black ink and a familiar handwriting. This is Yoongi’s writing.

With even shakier hands, you pick up the pictures. You feel sick for a moment, gawking at the cruel pictures with your hand thrown over your mouth. The three men who terrorised you. Their mutilated corpses look back at you. He tortured them to death.

You rip the door open, stumbling onto the balcony. You look down at what tripped you. Two bags of your favourite takeout food and a six pack of water. Both clearly fresh. So it was him. Yoongi must be here somewhere. You look into the distance. The night is loud and blurry in a thunderstorm. The streets are empty. The ghost of your past is gone again. You squint your eyes. A person.

“Yoongi!” you call out, unable to realise that you are smiling and waving your hand.

The person moves. Oh. It was just the shadow of a tree. For just a moment you had hoped that the dark shape was him waiting for you. It was just a tree…and you were happy that if could have been Yoongi. The realisation hurts.

“Fuck”, you press out, going back inside. The lump in your throat makes it hard to breathe. You stumble back to bed, halting for a moment when you pass your suitcases.

It has always been mine as well. His words repeat themselves in your head. All this time, you thought that he didn’t care. All this time, you thought that your terror left him cold. Your eyes drift over the empty takeout boxes from the noodle place. You still haven’t cleaned them up. He made sure that you were properly fed for days back then. A glance at the new stuff he got tonight. He is still making sure that you are. Your eyes drift over the package next. He made sure that they stopped getting stolen. You look at the pictures in your hands. He made sure that they would never hurt you again. All this time, you were so blinded by your own anger that you missed how he had always looked out for you. You missed his way of showing you that you were important to him.

It has always been his problem as well.

Something inside you breaks and you scream. You don’t know what you scream for, but you scream. It hurts so much. It hurts so much because you will still leave. He will hurt you again if you stay. All his efforts healed your heart and it hurts so much because you will still leave. You were meant to stay broken hearted. Leaving would have been so easy this way. Now it hurts like a bitch. But you can’t sway. You have to leave this place. It will chew up what little is left of you until you truly cease to exist.

V comes to your place the next day. He rings your doorbell. It wakes you from the uncomfortable sofa you fell asleep on last night. You groan as you sit up and you barely want to open your eyes as you stumble to the door.

You open it without checking the camera first.

“Took you long en- you?”

Jungkook, the young officer, greets you with a smile.

“I swear I’m not stalking you.”

You have a headache today, so it is difficult not to snap at him. He is also not the person you wanted in front of your door today.

“I’m starting to doubt that.”

He laughs, “it’s not that. I talked to my boss. Your friend, the boss of the other boss. Sorry, anyways. I need you to come to the precinct with me.”

“What? Why?”

“Okay so, this is actually so cool and I shouldn’t even be telling you this, but you’re my boss’ friend so I guess it’s okay”, he begins with sparkling eyes, “turns out that the package thief is actually a serial thief and you aren’t the first one he stole from. Isn’t that cool? It’s like in those movies. Those cool cop movies.”

“Really? He stole from more people?” You highly doubt that.

“Yeah”, he laughs as he answers you, nodding his head excitedly, “now we’re calling in everyone who he stole from so we can take their statements. My boss says that we can’t keep the thief locked up for long otherwise.”

You know that this wasn’t really how the law works. After all, you were once a lawyer who was fucking good at her job. Is Yoongi trying to drag you back to him? First he tries to change your mind by killing your bullies and now he is trying to do the final blow by abusing his power as police chief? You check the time. Couldn’t the young officer have come later? You could have had your passport already and be far, far away from this place.

“Can I just give it to you here?” you ask him.

“Mhm”, he tilts his head to the side, “no, I don’t think that it works like this. I’m sorry, Miss. The captain said that it’s important that all the victims come into the precinct.”

You have to give Yoongi that. He is real clever about it. That means however that you can’t escape this situation. Any more resistance from you would make you suspicious.

You give up with a sigh. “Can I just change into something different?”

“Of course, Miss.”

The young officer lets you sit in the passenger seat. He is so new at all of this. With such naivety he tells you his entire life story. That he was from the countryside and that his dream has always been to be a policeman in the city. That he studied hard for years and that he completed his enlistment with honour just so he could be a proper officer. He sounds so proud of himself that each second with him makes you hate his presence more and more. He is so fucking stupid and it angers you. Why would he throw away his life like that? Why someone like him?

You are led to one of the precinct’s interrogation rooms and are told to wait there. The table is decked with different foods.

“What’s all that?” you ask Jungkook.

“Breakfast, Miss.”

“Did your captain tell you to do that?”

“He said that wanted to make sure you get your breakfast because we called you in so early. The captain really cares for the citizens.”

You stifle a scoff. Sure he does.

“Mhm, I see.”

“Either way, it won’t take long”, the young officer bids his goodbyes and leaves you in the interrogation room.

His words were a lie. You wait and wait and wait, but nothing happens. There are no clocks in this godforsaken room, but you still know that it has to be hours. You didn’t want to eat the breakfast at first, glaring at the two-way mirror because in your mind, Yoongi was behind it, watching you and making sure that you ate. You didn’t want to give him the satisfaction at first, but had to in the end. The body begins working against one’s will when it is starving and the breakfast looked way too good. You eat all of it, then glare at the mirror again. You are still left alone and more time passes. It is as if they are trying to wear you down, as if you were the criminal in this situation. Granted, you are a criminal, but only Yoongi knows that and right now you are a poor civilian having done nothing wrong. You know that it’s Yoongi’s doing. That he somehow wants to terrorise you.

So when the door finally opens and he walks into the room, you almost throw the empty bowl at his head.

“Forgive the wait, Miss but something came up”, he says nonchalantly, flicking through some papers.

His second in command Kim Namjoon and the young officer Jeon Jungkook are behind him, which is why he is putting up this act. You grind your teeth.

“I already started to wonder if I’m in danger here”, you say way too sweetly.

“That depends on how you are going to answer our questions”, he says and sits down on the chair in front of you.

Jungkook stays by the door while Kim Namjoon stands a little to your side.

You look around yourself. He is trying to intimidate you.

“What’s that supposed to mean? I thought that I’m here to give my statement because of my stolen packages.”

Yoongi glances up from the papers. This is the first time your eyes meet after your fight and he killed your bullies. If only the others in this room would know how much blood he has on his hands and to which length he is willing to go to protect you. There were times where you would have dragged him over the table and kissed him senseless, but not anymore. You are stronger than your urges, even if it hurts your heart. You can’t give in again. If you do, he will take you for granted again. You won’t be happy with him. You finally have to fucking understand that.

“You’re right. You are here because of that”, he says dryly.

“Good. It started on May sixteen. I came home at around seven ten and noticed that my packages were missing. Two were stolen back then, but in total he stole eight packages”, you say and proceed to tell him the exact dates with the time as well as what was stolen.

“You seem to know how such hearings work”, he says after he wrote down what you said.

“I had a few hours to practice what I was going to say”, you say with a poisonous smile.

One Yoongi retorts with just as much poison and a deep hum.

“Apologies again.”

“Don’t worry, I know how hard the police works at keeping this honourable city safe.”

He tongues his cheek. You give him a victorious smirk. This cut. Good. He takes a deep breath and releases it through his nose, reaching into his suit pocket to pull out a cigarette. He gets as far as to put it to his lips and then Kim Namjoon already speaks up.

“Captain. Smoking is prohibited in this building.”

“Fuck”, Yoongi presses out and takes the cigarette between two fingers to tap it against the table instead.

“Smoking is bad for you either way”, you say.

He tongues his cheek again. You know that he wants to curse at you right now, but can’t. He has to put up a friendly act.

“I know, can’t shake the habit”, he says and studies your face, “so what now?”

“Sir?” Kim Namjoon is rightfully confused. Yoongi slipped up.

“I don’t know, I was never in such a place before. Do you still need to take my information?” you act oblivious.

“We already have everything.”

“Great. Then I can go?” you ask, fluttering your lashes innocently.

“I don’t know yet.”

“Sir?” “What? Why?”

Yoongi shifts in his chair until he manspreads like an idiot. He crosses his arms in front of his chest.

“What are you going to do now?” he asks you.

“Uhm…is this still part of my hearing?” you ask, glancing at Kim Namjoon.

“No of course not, Miss. Please, follow me.”

“Sit. Down.”

The room is silent for a moment. You glare at Yoongi while Namjoon and Jungkook gawk in complete confusion. Their captain acts out of character. There is no reason to keep the innocent lady here any longer. This isn’t like him at all. He has been fidgeting all day, barely drank his coffee, went for far too many smoke breaks and now this. The officers have no explanation for their captain’s sudden behaviour.

“What is the reason for this?” you ask him.

“Just safety precautions. We wouldn’t want our honest citizen to get into danger”, he says coldly, “now answer my question. What are your plans now, Miss?”

“I will go home.”

“Where is that home?”

“Sir, I don’t know if that is necessary.”

“Shut up, Kim.”

Namjoon gulps, exchanging a confused look with Jeon Jungkook. This is really not like their captain.

Yoongi straightens up and leans forward so he is closer to you.

“Where is that home, Miss?”

You lower your eyes in anger.

“I don’t know yet, I’m planning to leave this city.”

“What?” his voice shook as he spoke. His fingers close and break the cigarette that way. His eyes almost bore holes into yours from how deeply he stares into them.

“This city’s become too depressing for me. I plan on leaving it for good.”

“You don’t mean that.”

“Yes, I do. There is nothing holding me here anymore.”

“Yes, there is.”

“No, there really isn’t. I will leave.”

Bang!

You flinched back. Namjoon and Jungkook tense up as well.

Yoongi slammed his hand on the table, jumping to his feet.

“No the fuck you won’t!” he yells.

“Sir? What are you doing?!”

“Excuse me? It’s my right as an honest citizen to move”, you act oblivious as well.

“Keep her here”, he talks to Jungkook, pointing at him, “lock her up and keep her here.”

“Under what pretence, Sir?” the young officer asks with widened eyes.

“I, I, I don’t know. Refusal to, to, to cooperate or some shit like that”, Yoongi never stutters and he never paces, but he is currently doing both of those things.

“Sir…is…this legal?” Jungkook asks shyly.

Yoongi is by Jungkook’s side within a few steps, grabbing him by the collar.

“Do as you are told, Jeon! Unless you want to lose this job!” Yoongi growls, making Jungkook whimper with fear.

“Captain Min, you are stepping out of place”, Kim Namjoon speaks up, dragging him away from Jungkook, “and get off this poor officer’s neck. He is just doing his job.”

Yoongi whips around, now targeting his anger at Namjoon.

“If he was doing his fucking job, he would lock her up”, he hisses, pointing at you.

“I need you to step out for a moment, Captain”, Namjoon says and gestures Jungkook to open the door. The young officer obeys, holding it open as Namjoon shoves a protesting Yoongi out of the room. He closes the door again, muting the vivid fighting Yoongi was doing with Namjoon outside.

He meets your eyes, smiling awkwardly.

“Please forgive the Captain, Miss. He is very concerned about his citizens’ safety.” He is a terrible liar, but you don’t blame him. If you were in his situation, you would have no idea how to explain such a situation to a supposed innocent citizen either.

“Don’t worry. I, I’m just wondering if maybe I can finally leave? I’m sorry, this just really scared me and I just want to lie down at home now”, you act shaken up, looking at the young officer with pleading eyes.

“Of course, Miss. Our honest apologies again, Miss. Please follow me”, he says and leads you out of the room.

Yoongi and Namjoon are still arguing, but stop when they see you come out. You lock eyes with Yoongi for the briefest of moments.

He closes the distance and grabs your wrist, dragging you with him with such vigour that nobody truly gets time to act. Not even you know what was happening to you until you find yourself in his office with the door slammed shut.

“What are you doing?” you gasp.

“Shut the fuck up, you’re not the one asking this question right now!”

“Yoongi, lower your voice. This isn’t the place for screams.”

He steps closer to you, pointing at your face in warning.

“I have every fucking right to scream right now and you know that”, he presses out through gritted teeth.

“Why? Because I finally don’t need you anymore?”

“You can’t move. What the fuck are you thinking?”

“I’m-”

‘I'm not done”, he interrupts you, “I killed them for you. I did it. Just for you. Because your safety matters to me. I care.” He hits his own chest. “I showed you that I care and you’re gonna leave?”

You hate that you love him, but not for the usual reasons. You hate it because it hurts. You are going to leave despite not wanting to. You love him, perhaps you always will but you are also going to leave.

You nod your head.

Yoongi exhales shakily, taking a stumbling step back. He stares at you as if you were the ghost whose haunting hurts him the most. He huffs out air, rubs his hand over his mouth, then runs it through his hair and down the side of his neck.

“I’ll kill the thief”, he says in the end.

“What?”

“I'll make it seem like suicide. He’ll look like a pisser who couldn’t take prison and killed himself.”

“Are you out of your mind? He’s just a thief.”

“Well, what more do you need?!” he screams

“Nothing! I don’t need anything from you!”

“Why not? I can give you whatever you want!”

“Look at you. Now that you finally realised, I’m actually serious about the breakup, you wanna act like you care.”

“I care”, his voice broke, but you are both too angry to acknowledge it, “i-i-if I knew that you- I just-” He breathes in, breathes out, rubs his mouth, then his neck. “It can’t end like this. It can’t.”

“It can. I’m done begging you for everything.”

Yoongi steps closer.

“I can-”

“Sir? What is the meaning of this?”

Kim Namjoon and Jeon Jungkook are in the office. The rest of the precinct gawks at you and Yoongi through the doorway. The latter lifts his hands and steps back. His fingers are shaking.

“The captain just voiced his worries for my move. Don’t worry about it, Kim Sir”, you lie and turn to leave, “may I finally leave?”

Namjoon tells Jungkook to handle it with a nod of his head. The young officer points at the open door.

“Please after you, Miss.”

Yoongi says your name.

You look at him over your shoulder, despite knowing you shouldn’t. He takes a step closer, lifting his brows in pleading. Don’t give in. Don’t give in. Don’t give in. You ball your hands to fists and turn your back to him.

Yoongi tries your name again, hoping for another look. One which doesn’t come.

“Come back”, he tries, but gets stopped by Namjoon.

You can hear them talk as you leave.

“What the fuck’s your issue, man? You’ve been weird all day and now you’re screaming at citizens?”

“Watch your tone.”

“Hyung, I’m not here as your colleague right now. I’m here as your friend.”

“She’s gonna leave, she can’t…”

Jungkook leads you away from the office before you can hear Yoongi’s full answer.

“Are you crying, Miss??”

“Hm? Oh that, don’t mind them. It’s just…” Your heart is broken and you want to run back to Yoongi. “...forgive me, I’m just a little shaken from everything.”

“I’m sorry, Miss. The captain isn’t normally like this.”

“It’s alright. I know how Yoongi can be sometimes.”

“Yoongi?” Jungkook asks, glancing at the captain’s office. He wonders what kind of friends you and he are. Maybe Those kind of friends? Is that why you are important to the captain?

“I mean…sorry, I don’t know why I said that. I just wish to go home now.”

“Of course, Miss.”

“Oh god, I don’t even have money for a bus ticket with me”, you murmur to yourself, looking for your wallet. This is all a scheme to get Jungkook to drive you home again. You are worried that if he didn’t, Yoongi would somehow get to you before you could reach the station.

“Don’t worry about it, Miss. As a policeman, it is my duty to make sure that you get home safely.”

“Really? I wouldn’t want to waste your time.”

“Of course, Miss.”

And so he takes you home and you hate yourself because of it. So it began. You were the first person who used his kindness to her advantage. You were the drop beginning the inevitable filling of the tank until one day it will swap over. And once that happens, it is almost impossible to stop the leak. Fuck, you are just as terrible as everyone else in this city.

But the young officer is oblivious to what you just did, driving you home with a kind smile on his face. He even walks you to your door and stays as you unlock it. Your neighbours are fucking again. He glances at their door, then awkwardly at you.

“Yeah, I’ve got new neighbours. You can’t go over there and flash your badge and tell them to shut up, can you?”

“Of course I can, Miss. Just one mom-”

“No stop, I was joking”, you stop him, studying him with exhausted eyes. You are so sorry. You are so fucking sorry.

“Ah, okay. Please forgive me, I always take everything way too seriously”, he says, scratching his own neck shyly. He furrows his brows. “What’s the matter, Miss?”

“Can I tell you something?”

“Of course, Miss.”

“Run.”

“What?”

“Run back to your hometown. Run and never look back.”

“Excuse me?” he laughs in confusion, furrowing his brows harder.

“You’re a good person, Jeon Jungkook. This city will fucking ruin you.”

“I…uh…” He laughs nervously. “I don’t seem to follow, Miss. Sorry.”

“You don’t need to get it, just listen to me. Please.”

“O…kay? I uhm…”

“Thank you for driving me home. I’ll think of you sometimes in my new home.”

“Miss, are you okay?”

“I am. You don’t need to worry about me anymore. Just promise me to run.”

“I promise?”

“Good. Be happy, Jeon Jungkook.”

“Miss, I-”

You close the door on him and lock it. You don’t expect him to knock or ring the bell. He is too proper to annoy you this way. You check the camera. He stares at the closed door for a few moments longer, looking confused. He lifts his hand to knock, hesitates and turns his back to the door instead, leaving down the steps to drive off. You know that you confused him, but you had to. Please let it be enough to save him.

V arrives later that day. He is stressed and clearly in a hurry.

“What’s wrong? You look like you need to be somewhere or like you need to shit. Do you need to shit?”

“What? No”, he sounds out of breath as well as annoyed, “I’m risking my ass being here. I’ve got your stuff. It’s the only thing except mine that I managed to save. Give me the money, quick.”

“Save?” you probe, giving him the money.

He stuffs it into his boxers hastily, looking over his shoulder again.

“My place got raided by cops. I was at the market getting food, then came back to five cop cars in front of my place. I barely escaped. If I didn’t always carry my stuff with me, I’d have been fucked.”

“What?!”

“Sorry, Hyacinth. Gotta leave the city for a while. I wish you all the best.”

“V, what the fuck?”

“Here’s to never seeing each other again, aye?” he jokes, laughing nervously. It’s a good thing he said. Never seeing each other again meant that you and he managed to escape safely.

“Wait. Where will you go?”

“I can’t tell you. You know I can’t.”

“Yeah, just…be careful.”

“You too.”

He leaves and you know that he will be successful. If there is one person who won’t ever be found it is V.

You are in a trance for the rest of the day. Yoongi raided V’s place. He went as far as to betray his own people just to make sure that you wouldn’t leave. Carrying your new passport feels like a trophy, as much as it feels like a curse. Leaving this city won’t be as easy anymore now that he knows. You are so fucking stupid for telling him, but you didn’t want to miss out on his reaction when he found out. The small moment of satisfaction seems skippable now that you know how far he is willing to go to keep you close. And because V came as late as he did, your means of escape don’t drive anymore either. You have to wait for the earliest bus if you wanted to or not. Fuck, you did this to yourself. You stupid fucking woman. Look at you. You have this big, honourable degree and still manage to get yourself into shitty situations over and over again.

You go to sleep with a gun under your pillow. You won’t risk anything.

You don’t get a lot of sleep and then a noise wakes you. You heard it as clear as day. Someone unlocked your front door. He sent men to get you. Now he’s gone too far. You jump out of bed and grab your loaded gun, tiptoeing to a spot from where you could observe the apartment. You have to be strategic about it. First count the men, then calculate the fastest way to shoot them, then act. The door closes and locks again. Clever bastards, they want to make sure that you don’t flee. Oh, you are going to have a blast killing them. One last little thing to leave Yoongi before you abandon him.

The automatic lights turn on. Got you, assholes.

The first enters your vision.

“Hm?”

Yoongi. Clearly drunk, he is dragging his feet over the floor, using the wall as support. No one else follows him. So he came here alone.

Overtaken by anger, you jump out of hiding and at him.

Yoongi collides with the wall, feeling the cold nuzzle of the gun press against his chin. He drops the keys and flowers he was carrying, lifting his hands in defeat.

“Careful, it’s just me”, he lulls.

“Get the fuck out of my house”, you spit, carrying murder in your eyes.

“I can’t believe you’re still hiding your keys under the flower pot. Don’t make me so worried, anyone could enter.”

“I’m gonna count to three and if you haven’t disappeared by then, I’ll shoot.”

“Can we talk?”

“One.”

“I know I fucked up. I can’t stop thinking about you. Please, can we try again?”

“Two.”

“I promise I changed. You were right, I was a joke. But I wanna do better now.”

“Three.” “I’m sorry!”

Yoongi squeezes his eyes shut. His death never comes. He peels his eyes open again.

You are staring, panting heavily. Tears are in your eyes.

“I’m sorry”, he whispers.

This is the first time he is the one to say these words first. It feels so good, but you can’t give in again. You made up your mind to leave…didn’t you? You study the state of him. He is heavily intoxicated. He looks the way and reeks of it.

“You’re drunk.”

He nods his head, furrowing his brows. He touches your elbows, caressing them softly. Such touch you only get when he is drunk.

“I drank because of you. What you said today. I just…don’t move away, please”, he begs, eyes filling with tears.

“So now you care? I wasn’t important to you when I was with you and now that I’m leaving, I’m suddenly important?”

“You’ve always been important.”

“No, I haven’t. You took me for granted.”

“I did and I’m sorry. I never should have taken you for granted. I’ll do better now, please just give me a chance to prove it to you.”

“If I give you a chance again, you’ll just abuse it and hurt me.”

“No, I won’t. Please, I just.” He cups your face, running his thumbs under your eyes as gently as possible. “We were right once. We were so good together. We were a team and, and we had dreams and we made each other happy. I want this back, I wanna try to get this back again please.”

“I just want to be happy, Yoongi”, you press out.

“I’ll make you happy, baby. Please, I-I’ll make you happy again.”

“No, you’re drunk and talking fucking shit.”

“I’ll leave this city if you want me to.”

You falter. He would give up what he built just for you?

“You wouldn’t do that.”

“I would. For you I would. I’d set this whole city on fire and leave with you as it burns to fucking ashes behind us, please.”

“You don’t mean that.”

“Please”, he whispers and drops his forehead against yours, “please, I want to make you happy again.”

You hate that you love him. You hate that he made you addicted to him. This is so awfully him. He gives you enough affection that you get addicted to it then takes it away again. And once he feeds it to you again, you drink it up like an alcoholic. It is always the same.

“No, you won’t. You’re drunk.”

“Please.”

“Leave my place.”

He presses himself off the wall and grabs the nuzzle of the gun, guiding it right between his brows.

“You have to kill me if you want me gone.”

You gulp. He forces your finger to the trigger. Your airways close up.

“Kill me. Fucking kill me. I can’t live without you anyways.”

You could end it. You’ve got everything. Your suitcases, your papers, the keys of his car he drunkenly drove like an asshole. You’ve got everything you need to escape this place. You could end it, finally make sure that you have no temptation to return. You could end him and your addiction with it. He’s got your finger on the trigger, it needs just one flex and it would be over. But you never wanted him dead. No matter how much you wished for him to be gone, you never wanted him dead. Because in some fucked up way, all you really wanted was for him to put more effort into you.

“No”, you whimper, shaking your head.

He rips the gun from your fingers and drops it on your dresser.

“I don’t want to kill you”, you press out, sobbing softly.

He cradles your face, wiping your tears.

“I know”, he gets out, nodding his head, “I know you don’t, princess. I know.”

“Yoongi”, you squeak out, twisting his shirt.

“I’m here, princess. I’m here.”

He pulls you closer until his kiss is just one breath away, feeding on the shaky breath you let ghost against his lips. His drunken eyes gaze at your mouth, his heart is racing in his chest.

“Push me away”, he tells you.

“I hate you.”

“And I love you.”

“Yoongi”, you whimper, finally touching his chest instead of his shirt.

He moans and pulls you into a kiss. A deep, hungry kiss.

You pull at his hair to get him off of you as much as you pull him closer, fighting for air. You hate that you love…do you really? Do you really fucking hate it? Do you really hate it when his kiss makes you feel alive again? You spent months feeling out of breath and now it’s gone. You can breathe again. At least metaphorically, physically he’s got you very close to passing out. You push at him to get distance. Air. He lets you breathe, but not escape. He pushes you to your sofa until your legs collide with the back of it. Your shaky breaths intermingle, your shared moans follow. His right hand slides to your ass, his knee lifts to your middle.

You gasp, grinding down on him. You can’t protest because he kisses you so deeply it feels as if he wanted to consume your soul. He kisses and gropes, kisses and gropes until air is sparse. He gasps.

“Fuck. Fuck, I’m fucked”, he gets out and pulls your head back so he could drag his tongue up your throat.

It should disgust you, but it doesn’t. You moan, running your nails down his chest and arching your back. He lifts his head, looking at you with drunken, crazed obsession. His fingers just can’t stay still on your body. It is as if he wanted to touch everywhere at all times. The attention makes you short of breath.

“You’re so fucking beautiful.”

You touch his cheek. He leans into your palm, closing his eyes when you trace his scar. You were with him when he got it. It was during a fight. He fought with his fists, his opponent chose the cowardly way and pulled a knife on him. He was lucky that he didn’t lose his eyesight. He hated it at first, but you made him feel handsome. You always looked out for him that way.

“Do you…do you think I’m handsome?” he asks. Such questions you only get when he’s drunk.

“I do.”

His breath trembles as it leaves him. He drops his hand from your hips to take out his cock. He touches himself, gazing at you as if he needed the view of you to stay hard. And he does. He needs you. You are the only person who can turn him on.

You look at what his hand is doing, gulping heavily. He sighs, gazing at your face. You are as mesmerised by him as you were when everything was still good between you and him. His cock still has the same effect on you.

“Princess?” he tilts your head back up to meet your eyes, using only two fingers under your chin for it.

You meet his eyes, heart racing unbearably.

“Yes?” One little lift of his brows and you give him the answer he craved.

You part your legs, tilting your hips closer to him. You nod your head vigorously, gazing at his cock again.

He doesn’t bother to pull his pants down all the way, neither does he care about taking off your panties. He pushes them to the side and stuffs you full of him, gripping the edge of the couch and your right thigh as deep moans leave him. Your right leg is lifted like this, supported by him.

You gasp, tensing up. Your toes curl instantly, your fingers clutch his lower arms. His cock stretches you out and stuffs your walls. It’s not uncomfortable, but it is definitely intense. You gasp again, looking at him with widened eyes.

“I know baby, I know”, he breathes and bottoms out. “It’s been too long. Fuck.”

He moves, chasing your warmth in drunk, sloppy thrusts. You writhe and gasp repeatedly, scratching the back of his neck. You want to hate that you love him. He should feel like an intruder. You should want to kick and scream for help. But you don’t want to. You feel whole again. No preparation, but he doesn’t hurt. His kiss and touch was enough. Your addiction to him runs so deep that his cock is pure heroin to you.

“Yoongi”, you get out, grabbing his throat. Your thumbs are on his Adam’s apple, threatening to press down.

He smiles, “I love you”, he gasps out and drops his head against yours. His long hair tickles your face, his drunken breath swirls over your skin. He gulps and moans under your fingers, pumping into you with no signs of slowing down. You start losing strength in your calf, standing like this is exhausting, but if you were being honest, you don’t want it to stop.

“I hate you.”

“Fucking kill me then”, he rasps.

You close your fingers slightly.

“Harder. This isn’t gonna do it.”

“You first.”

“Fuck, baby”, he gets out and lifts you so he could round the sofa with you. He pins you down into the pillows, ripping the panties off of you and kicking his pants off. He pushes into you before you can truly realise what was happening, feeding you all of him until he can’t give any more. He twists the pillow next to your head as he takes on a punishing rhythm. His dark hair hangs into his face, his teeth are bared as he huffs like an angry animal.

“Yoon-”

“I know, baby I know. You already told me, baby. I know”, he whispers, wiping your cheek, “take me, I know you can. You’re my baby, you’re made for me.”

His praise is like medicine to you. This is all you needed. To know that he is still obsessed with you and that you still affect him.

You close your legs around his hips, keeping him with you this way. You need him to always stay like this. He moans your name, slipping his fingers from your cheek to hold the pillow instead. You told him that you hated him, but your body betrays you. Your eyes betray you. You keep him close, gaze at him as if he was your everything. Yoongi’s head is turning. Not only from the alcohol, but also from being with you again. And from knowing that you still loved him.

Because he loves you so much. He hates himself for taking you for granted. He never should have. You are his everything. The fucking reason why he does all of this. The last three months were torture for him. He started smoking again, drank too much, slept too little, worked too many hours. And if he didn't distract himself with work, he tried thinking up ways of showing you that he was still there for you. He ordered his officers to look out for you, sent food deliveries to your place, parked in front of your place somewhere hidden to watch you smoke on the staircase. He also followed you sometimes after you confessed to him that some of his goons were terrorising you. And each time he followed you, he wished for you to notice him just so he could get a chance at talking to you again. But you never did and Yoongi thought that you will come back again soon. Then you told him that you would move and Yoongi finally broke. He was truly losing you. Three months of hell, of lonely nights and heartbreak and he was truly losing you.

“I missed you”, he gets out, painting his name against your favourite spots. The eagerness with which you clasp him results in your hips to lift off the pillow, allowing your clit to grind against him each time he bottoms out. The necklaces he is wearing are tangling over your face. They were too long once, but Yoongi cut them to the perfect length so they wouldn't hit your face when you are underneath him. That was six months ago. During a time you thought he didn’t care anymore. You feel so stupid now. His way of showing you that he cared was always there. He was always looking out for you. You were just too blind to see.

You gasp and whimper, mewl and keen, looking up at him with teary eyes and your fingers closing around nothing. You can’t tell him that you missed him too because you are too overwhelmed.

“Did you miss me too?” but Yoongi is drunk tonight and when he is drunk he is needy for your affection.

You nod your head.

“Say it.”

“I missed you”, you get out, following it up with a sob.

“Baby, I love you”, he croaks, wiping your tears before dropping his forehead against yours, “I love you, baby, I love you. Don’t leave me again, please.”

“You’re so drunk.”

“Yeah, drunk ‘cause of you. Thought I’ll lose you. Baby, I can’t lose you”, he croaks and shows you his honesty with passionate rolls of his hips. Somehow he goes even deeper than before, he hits your favourite spots even better.

You arch your back and scream his name, throwing your head back as best as possible. This is electric. Holy shit, he makes you feel good. Your face scrunches up against your will, your feet shake on his back.

Yoongi admires you with a pounding head and racing heart, repeating what he did before over and over and over again. You react in mewls and moans and screams and he can’t get enough of it. He wants for you to lose your fucking voice because you couldn’t stop screaming for him. Because if you sound like this for him, he makes you happy. It has been too long since you actually screamed this way, so Yoongi is especially affected by tonight.

He laces his fingers with yours – again, he is drunk – and squeezes them needily. He thinks that he is crying too. He watches pearls of something drip onto your face sometimes. His eyes also burn. He doesn’t want it to stop. He is willing to carry his emotions on his sleeve if it meant you were happy again.

“Is this what you needed? Does this finally make you fucking happy?” he gets out, chasing the ecstasy as much as he helps you with your own pleasure trip.

You squeeze his hands back, making him moan your name.

“Ye-yes.”

“Argh”, he growls, trying so much harder to fuck you right. It feels so good. He has to tell you. He stayed silent way too often in the past. You want his efforts and he wants to give them to you. “You feel so good.”

The first confession was hard because he isn’t used to sharing his feelings. It was hard, but it was also ecstatic because your sounds of pleasure became louder and you tightened around him, squeezing his hands happily.

“You feel so good. You feel so fucking good. You feel so good, princess. You feel…so good”, he can’t stop now that he started, telling you over and over and over again how you make him feel. Good. So good. He feels so good when he is with you. “You are so good. Princess, fuck. I have to..I, I have to- ah!”

You open your eyes in time with Yoongi collapsing on top of you. He whimpers into the crook of your neck, shaking almost pathetically.

There are two things you always believed to be true about Yoongi. First: When he fucks, his moans are always deep, raspy and growly. Second: He has perfect control over his orgasms.

Both of these things are getting proven wrong to you right here and now as he whimpers and shakes and paints your walls with his unexpected orgasm. You want to blame the alcohol on it and maybe the months of abstinence, perhaps even the fear of losing you paired with the relief of having you again. Holy fuck, he actually loves you doesn’t he?

“I love you”, he sobs, hugging you close.

“Yoongi ah”, he breaks you with his confession and the tenderness with which he holds you. You swear that you can taste colours for a moment. You haven’t felt honestly good in your own skin in months. This right here is what feeling good is. This is it.

You don’t know who comes down first. You think it is Yoongi, but even if he does, he doesn’t pull out. He lets you shake and throb and clench around him until your moment of peak pleasure is over as well. He holds you silently afterwards, catching his breath in the crook of your neck. He missed your scent like nothing else. Truly, it leaves him so drugged out that he actually finds himself drooling as he smiles like a giddy boy.

You calm down with his weight atop your chest, his length still inside you and his hair between your fingers. It is still a little stiff and crusty from the variety of hair products he keeps in it during his day job. To think that mere hours ago, you were screaming at each other in his office. It feels so far away to you now. Like a memory of an unbelievable life.

You don’t hate that you love him. You really don’t.

“How.” He clears his throat. “How are you feeling?”

“Good.”

“Are you sore? Does anything hurt?”

“No, but I’m leaking.”

“Fuck”, he laughs into your shoulder, nibbling on it gently, “sorry, I just…am drunk and missed you.”

“You were pathetic doing that.”

He laughs harder. You and he have a peculiar sense of humour. He knows that you meant it fondly. You laugh as well. He lifts his head at the sound of it, cupping your cheek.

“If it means you’re laughing, I can live with being pathetic.”

Your heart flutters.

“What’s gotten into you?”

“Booze. Way too much booze.”

You laugh again. His eyes soften, he caresses your face.

“Definitely too much booze, yeah”, you agree.

“Mhm, fuck.” He cuddles into your shoulder again. “I’m sleeping here.”

“And you think I’d let you?”

He nods his head.

“Fuck, you’re the worst.”

“Am I wrong?”

“No, you’re not.”

You wake up alone the next morning. It hurts. So nothing changed. He got what he wanted, made you addicted again only to leave. Like he always did. And you are left feeling dirty and used and fucking awful.

You probably would have stayed in bed to cry the entire day if a very worrying noise hadn’t come from outside your door. Someone’s in your kitchen. You roll out of bed and leave the room. You don’t need weapons today. You are angry enough that you will probably be able to beat whoever is dumb enough to break in.

You cross the corner and stop, lowering your fists.

Yoongi.

He took a shower and tied all of his wet hair into a messy bun. He is shirtless, wearing a towel around his hips. Music is playing from his phone while on the stove, breakfast is sizzling.

“You?”

He turns at the sound of your voice, face lighting up instantly.

“Good morning, beautiful”, he says, closing the distance to take you into a hug. “Did you sleep well?”

You don’t answer him, you push at his chest so you could look at him. You can’t believe that he is still here and that he is making you breakfast.

“What’s the matter?” he asks.

“Why the fuck are you still here?”

He furrows his brows, “why not?”

“I, I don’t know. I just, just. I thought that…huh? You didn’t leave?”

He frowns in regret for a moment, before leaning in to kiss your cheek. He gives your left buttock an almost playful squeeze afterwards, stepping back to return to the cooking.

“I’m making your favourite. I also cleaned. Your place was a shithole, honestly.”

Still flabbergasted beyond relief, you look around your small apartment. He didn’t just clean up the garbage and tidy, he fully wiped the place down. You check the clock next. It’s way past one at noon. You slept for more than twelve hours. Damn. You never even realised how much sleep these last three months took from you until you finally fell asleep in his arms again and actually stayed asleep. You feel refreshed and not uncomfortable in your own skin.

Last, you look at Yoongi. He is humming to the music, switching between stirring the eggs in the pan and chopping up some pork belly.

At first you don’t want to accept that this is actually happening to you, but then the desire to be close to him gets too grande to bear. You almost run to him, colliding with his back in a passionate hug.

He stumbles and grunts, following it up with a fond chuckle and his big hands rubbing your lower arms.

“Please don’t make me regret this again. Please.”

He turns in your arms, caressing your waist. He shakes his head, looking at you in ways he hasn’t looked at you in ages. As if he honestly loved you.

“Can you promise me?”

“I promise you, baby”, he says in a soft voice and locks pinkies with you.

The gesture is so cute and honest, that you have to stifle a giggle. Your heart hasn’t fluttered like this in ages.

“I have an idea. How about I’ll take next week off and we’re leaving this city for a while? Maybe the mountains? You’d like the air there”, he suggests.

“Are you serious? Do you actually mean that?”

He nods his head. You and he began swaying to the music, looking at nothing else but the other.

“But first I gotta sort out the mess I made when I busted V’s place”, he says.

“Yeah true.” You slap his chest. “Fuck you for that. He didn’t do anything wrong.”

“I know, I know. I acted irrationally, I admit. But I’m gonna fix this. You know how easily I can make stuff disappear. He’ll be able to return again in a week or so.”

“I hope you’ll fix this, you idiot you.”

“Mhm, I will and then I’m taking you on a long vacation”, he says, kissing your forehead before hugging you against his chest.

You close your eyes, melting into his chest.

“And when we’re there, I’m gonna make you breakfast and make you cum and make you smile. Yeah?” he whispers.

“Yeah”, you snicker.

He smells like your shower gel today, but you don’t mind. He hasn’t shown such an actual desire to change in months and it feels so good to receive. You love that you love him. You really do.

“I love you, Yoongi”, you whisper, feeling him squeeze you for just a moment as your confession overwhelms him.

“I love you too, princess”, he tells you and he is sober for it because he swore to himself that he won’t need alcohol anymore to be able to show you his affection.

He is willing to better himself, he truly is and a week later, you and he are in his car on your way to a long vacation in the mountains.

2K notes · View notes

moonsgemini · 1 year

Text

good for you - rafe cameron

summary: Rafe just wanted to be good. He wanted to be good for her, but somehow he always found a way to mess things up. And of course she’s there to help him clean up the mess.

warnings: angst, fluff, rafe gets arrested, insecurities from rafe

wc: 1.9k

an: hope you all enjoy!! I kinda lost inspo towards the end but regardless I still kinda like it. um also I’m 5 days sober so love that for me, I’m taking a tolerance break to clear my mind & it's helped so much so far.

masterlist

She was laying on her bed reading Pride & Prejudice, trying to stay away from her phone. She was trying to build better habits like not going on her phone before she went to sleep. It was a cool summer night, her balcony doors open letting the smell of the beach enter her room. Her eyes were starting to involuntarily shut as sleep started to overtake her, but she was jolted awake as her phone started vibrating on her night stand.

It was almost 12am who would be calling her at this hour. She peeked over and the name on the screen made a pit in her stomach form. Kildare Sheriff’s Department. She didn’t have a single clue as to why she was getting a call from the police at this hour. Her stomach turned as her mind raced jumping to conclusions like someone she knew being in an accident.

Hesitantly picking up she muttered, “Hello?”

“Hey uh it’s me.”

Her mouth went dry, “Rafe? Are you okay? What’s going on?”

Y/n had only moved to outer banks a few months ago. She had met Sarah one day when she was shopping at a boutique in the figure eight. Being the bubbly outgoing person that Sarah was she invited her to a party going on that night. Usually y/n wouldn’t go to a random party alone but it was summer and how else was she going to make friends. She had promised herself that in the Outer Banks she was going to be different. She wasn’t going to bury herself in her books and be secluded missing out on all the things a teenager should be doing like she had been in her old hometown.

When she arrived at the party she was received with weird looks and she had immediately regretted her decision. She wandered around hoping someone would come up and talk to her or she’d bump into Sarah. Luckily she did bump into her, the girl immediately took her under her wing and introduced her to some people. Y/n even had a few drinks as she talked with the girls she met. She was actually enjoying herself. After a while she went off to find the bathroom, that’s when she bumped into a 6’2 dirty blonde.

“Oh, I’m sorry,” She mumbled stumbling back a bit, her balance a little off after a few seltzers.

Rafe looked down at the girl not recognizing her as a regular at these parties, “No worries.” He smirked, he definitely would have remembered her.

She looked around not really knowing where she was going, “um do you know where the bathroom is?”

Rafe thought she was extremely cute. She was like a lost puppy and he would do anything to help her find her way, “It’s the last door on the right, have we met before?” He asked knowing they definitely haven’t.

“Probably not, I just moved here a couple weeks ago. I’m y/n.” She smiled as she felt her face heating up. She thought he was extremely handsome, he had a slightly cocky demeanor but she couldn’t lie and say she wasn’t into it. The way he looked at her like she was his prey made her feel something warm in her stomach. In her old town no boy had bothered to give her the time of day so having the attention of someone as handsome as him was overwhelming.

Rafe’s smirk grew, “That makes sense I think I’d remember if we met, I’m Rafe.”

He knew he was a goner when she looked up at him with those big eyes and that smile. Everything about her was captivating to him. He liked looking at her smooth exposed legs in the small skirt she was wearing and her collarbones that were begging to be kissed by him. He also liked the fact that she didn’t know who he was. She had no idea he was a bad person the way everyone said he was.

Ever since that night Rafe and y/n had been practically inseparable. They spent their days together whether it was at the beach while she read her books on the sand in that small bikini while Rafe surfed. Or they’d go to parties together, Rafe’s arm around her the whole night. Not letting her out of his sight and making sure everyone knew she was Rafe’s girl even though they weren’t dating. Rafe hadn’t asked her out yet, he wanted to be better before he made anything official.

Rafe had become better. He wasn’t doing coke anymore and he stopped drinking so much, limiting himself so only a few drinks. He even started doing everything his dad asked him to instead of doing whatever was in his best interest. But Rafe was nowhere near perfect. It’s why he was calling her from the sheriff’s department at midnight. He felt like he had just fucked up all the effort he had made to be better with one stupid night.

He had gone out to a bar with a few friends and he had maybe had a bit too much to drink. Maybe he had a lot to drink and he might of started a fight with some guys. Which resulted in him being taken to the police station to sit in the drunk tank or be picked up by someone. He had one phone call and he couldn’t call his dad, he’d just yell at him and let him stay there over night. His friends weren’t the most reliable people and Sarah wasn’t exactly going to jump at the opportunity to help him. He only knew one person who would help him, but he felt embarrassed by his actions. This isn’t the Rafe he wanted her to know, but he was desperate.

“I’m o-okay. Can you come pick me up?” He hiccuped, “I fucked up y/n. Please can you come.”

She was already steps ahead of him. She had began putting on an oversized sweatshirt and her sneakers. Rafe meant a lot to her, he was one of the only people that actually listened to her. He saw her in ways that no one ever tried to. She would do anything for him. She had heard a few rumors about him but she didn’t pay any attention to them because it seemed like that Rafe was gone. Her Rafe was gentle, kind, smart, and protective.

“Of course Rafe. I’ll be there soon okay?” She said hoping to calm him, she could hear him sniffle lightly.

“I’m so sorry y/n,” He said in an almost whimper.

She shook her head even though he couldn’t see her, “There’s nothing you need to apologize for. I’ll be there soon okay?”

“Okay. Thankyou y/n.”

“Anything for you Rafey.” She smiled just thinking about him. His heart clenched at the nick name, how could she be so perfect. How could she not be angry with him for being so stupid.

When she arrived at the police station she went up to the front desk and nervously looked around. Waiting for someone to come up and help her.

“Hi, what can I do for you?” Shoupe asked as he appeared from around the corner.

“Hi um I’m here to pick up Rafe Cameron,” She said almost uncertain.

He nodded his head, “I’ll go get him, if you can just fill out these papers for me.”

“Mhmm thankyou,” she smiled sweetly.

Shoupe walked back around the corner and down the hall to the holding cell. Rafe sat there his head in his hands.

“Cameron, let’s god.” He started unlocking the door to let the young man out.

Rafe stood up quickly, because she actually came. A part of him worried that you wouldn’t show up. She’d see what a mess he was calling her at midnight and just leave him there. He couldn’t wait to see his girl. Shoupe walked him out to the front and there she stood in his sweatshirt and some sleep shorts. He felt a pang of guilt go through him knowing he disturbed her.

“Rafe,” She said letting out a relieved sigh. He had a cut lip and bruised cheek. His knuckles were cut up and bruised.

He practically ran towards her to hug her. He burried his head in the crook of her neck, taking in the scent of vanilla and shea butter. All of his worries disappeared as he held her.

“I’m so sorry,” he mumbled wishing he could just stay this way forever.

“It’s okay, let’s go home.” She pulled away from him holding his face in her hands to examine him better. Her eyes watered slightly as she took in his hurt perfect face.

They walked to her car in silence, she had a million questions but she waited to ask. Once in her car she looked over at him. He looked so broken, so upset at himself.

“What happened Rafe?” She asked.

He looked over at him with watery eyes, “I-I don’t know. One minute I’m having a drink and then another. Then another and another. Then this guy shoulder checked me on his way to the restroom and I-I just lost it. I don’t know why.” He shook his head thinking about how stupid his reason for starting the fight was.

“Rafe, people make mistakes.”

“I’ve made so many mistakes. I just want to be good. I want to be good enough for you, but I’m so stupid, I’m a loser and an idiot. I-I don’t deserve you.”

She leaned across the console and held his face in her hands rubbing her thumbs gently across his cheek bones, “Don’t say that. Rafe I would come get you from here every day if you needed me to. You can’t be so hard on yourself, it matters to me that you’re trying to be good. You are good. I’ve never once thought that you weren’t.” She cared for him more than he would ever know.

He couldn’t find any words to say because none existed that would describe how much love he had for her. No one believed in him the way that she did. He reached over mimicking her and placing his hands on her cheeks pulling her into him. His lips meeting hers, his lip hurt as he kissed her. Her hands dropped from his face and moved to his shirt, desperate hands gripping at it trying to pull him closer.

Rafe hummed in satisfaction at the feeling of her mouth on his, something he had been dreaming about for months now. The way their lips moved against each other seemed like they had been doing this forever. She let out a small whimper and it made his head spin. His hand ran down her face to hold the side of her neck, finger entangling in her hair. His other hand moved to her waist. He really wished they were in his bed right now so he could really show her how much she means to him. But he wanted to take things slow with her.

They pulled away, foreheads pressed together as they caught their breath. She felt so dizzy, all her senses were overloaded on Rafe Cameron.

“Did you know that you’re perfect?” He said quietly.

She laughed softly, “You’re perfect. Come stay with me tonight.

“Anything you want,” He pecked her lips. For the first time in his whole life he didn’t feel less than.

#rafe cameron x reader #rafe cameron imagine #rafe cameron #rafe fic #rafe cameron series #rafe x y/n #rafe cameron au #rafe cameron x y/n #rafe cameron x kook!reader #rafe cameron fanfiction #rafe obx #rafe cameron outer banks #rafe cameron fanfic #rafe cameron blurb

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heesdreamer · 2 years

Text

JUST BE

PAIRING ➩ sunghoon x reader

SUMMARY ➩ classic cliche bad boy x good girl reader paired for a class project but with a few modifications lol…

WARNINGS ➩ violence, injuries, sexual content, sunghoon is a dick head kinda, heeseung is DEFINITELY a dick head

WC ➩ 18k (almost dethroned skin on skin)

AUTHORS NOTE ➩ so this sat in my notes unfinished for months.. which i never stop a work halfway and im not sure why i did considering this flowed out of me after i picked it up again but it’s NOT PROOFREAD and mainly written at 3am i think you maybe know the drill if ur familiar with me and my work lol.. not my favorite but i like the dynamics and i hope you do too

College was almost too easy for you. You were constantly waiting for the other shoe to drop, to get the mean professor or the class with they heavy workload that you ultimately failed when you couldn’t withstand the pressure.

But it hadn’t came and you were feeling extremely lucky that the universe had seemingly spared you, atleast for your first year.

You always took school seriously, maybe too serious according to some of your highschool friends but you felt pride when you got high praise and it calmed you to know your hard work granted better results.

Still, it wasn’t like you had become some grade obsessed monster who didn’t feel emotion outside of the urgency of a deadline.

Quite the opposite in your humble opinion. Another thing you prided yourself on was your constant good attitude. You liked to smile at peers in the hallway and help teachers tidy up after a long lecture. It made you feel good to be kind and bubbly despite the stress that sometimes ate away at you.

So it was almost an impossible sight for you classmates as they watched your current dilemma unfold, the other shoe dropping with a loud smack the echoed inside your head.

“Did you hear me Ms. Y/N? I said your partner for the semester is Park Sunghoon.” Your professor was croaking from directly in front of you, your preferred seating being the first row in the room.

You were sat frozen in your chair, hand gripped around your perfectly sharpened pencil so tight you could feel the wood croaking in your palm. You usual smiley face was blank and stony, zoning out into the space in front of you as you wished for it to swallow you whole.

“It’s not that big of a deal Y/N.” Jungwon, your closest friend, was grimacing as he looked at you, standing infront of you and titling his body so he could peer at your unmoving expression. He was waving a hand in front of your face like he was trying to snap you out of a trance.

“There’s no point in lying.” Your other, and more pessimistic, friend Riki was speaking now and you let his bored tone seep into your ear. “She’s fucked.”

This snapped you out of it, letting out a loud groan and slamming forward onto the table dramatically, Jungwon’s hand coming out just in time to stop you from slamming your forehead onto the hard wood.

“Okay let’s not get theatrical here.” He was sighing through a wince of pain as he wiggled his fingers against your forehead. You slightly lifted it so he could take his hand back before dropping it back down with another groan. “I mean how bad could it be? Have you ever even talked to him?”

You briefly considered these two questions.

How bad could it be? Try absolutely, without a doubt, entire academic career ruining level of bad.

His second question was a bit more difficult. You had technically spoken to Park Sunghoon on multiple occasions but you’re not quite positive he had even realized it was you he was talking to. He had a tendency to not particularly pay attention to the people around him, and especially not their feelings.

The first day you’d spoken to him was actually your first day in general. You’d walked into your first lesson with a bright smile, hair perfectly pinned back and clutching your books to your chest in excitement for new things to learn and people to interact with.

Said books you were clutching didn’t last more than a few seconds in your relaxed grip once Park Sunghoon entered the room, his eyebrows furrowed as he turned the corner before registering you were still standing there in an attempt to pick which seat you wanted. His large frame was smacking into your back and sending you, and all your supplies, sprawling across the floor.

He hadn’t helped you up, or even looked back in your direction to see if you’d been seriously injured.

Your next few interactions weren’t as dramatic or grand scale but you remembered each one and so did your friends, considering you spent months complaining about each and every single time he managed to ruin your perfectly good day.

“Do you remember when he said it looked like she had gum in her hair because she got those new hair pins?” Riki was remarking from your bed behind you, a slight amused tone in his voice at the memory of your angry red face tearing them out of your bangs at lunch.

“That wasn’t nearly as bad as the time he stole her essay idea, and then didn’t even do the essay.” Jungwon didn’t sound as amused as Riki did as he recounted the story. He was a sweet boy by nature, one of things you bonded over at the start of your friendship and he wasn’t the biggest fan of your classmate because of this.

You listened to them talk and felt yourself getting more and more agitated, something that was extremely rare for you to show visibly. You pushed your forehead deeper into the wood desk, wishing it would let you mesh atoms together so it could completely swallow you up.

The bad mood hadn’t subsided by the time your hangout was over and the boys were leaving your dorm, wishing you good luck in talking to Park Sunghoon.

Your current biggest problem was exactly that. Despite being almost certain you’d be doing all the project work yourself, something you didn’t mind considering you held doubt he knew a single fact about the subjects appointed to you , you still felt the obligatory need to extend the offer of working together.

However you were realizing now you had absolutely no idea where to find him. It was increasingly rare these days that he was actually in class, only seeing him sometimes showing up minutes after it had ended and talking in a hushed tone with the teacher. Those days you’d slowly pack your stuff into each neat folder, trying to catch a word of their conversation.

You never had any luck and then he’d be gone again, leaving your nosy curiosity completely unsatisfied.

You imagined you could send him a message on some form of social media but that would require following him first and the thought of him spending even 20 seconds in confusion about your sudden follow before you were able to send an explanation message made your stomach turn.

So you had decided that the next day you’d march into class and sit and wait for him after it had ended, unmoving in your seat and forcing him to communicate with you.

You’d gotten prepared the night before, running over your convincing speech and tightening your ponytail before you entered the classroom with a determined look on your normally bubbly face. Your plans were immediately deterred when you went to sit down and found him already there.

Park Sunghoon was not only in class but he was sat in your seat, manspreading carelessly with an extremely bored expression. You knew it had to be on purpose but you couldn’t recall a time where he’d ever paid enough attention to you to know where your seat was.

You faltered for a few seconds before annoyance took over again and you refreshed your attempt at a look of intimidation. You stomped your way over to the desk and placed your books down on it with a mild slam, wincing at the loud noise you’d accidentally caused.

He didn’t react to the sudden spike in volume but he slowly trailed his eyes from your books up your arms, stopping when he met your gaze to raise an eyebrow.

“I’m Y/N.” You blurted out and you stuck a hand in his direction, attempting to initiate a handshake. “I’m your partner for the semester.”

It was silent for a few seconds and you looked down at where he sat, nudging your hand forward awkwardly like he couldn’t see it directly in front of his face. He ignored it and watched you with an amused look on his handsome face.

“Why are you introducing yourself?” He was finally saying and this took you off guard, the confirmation he knew who you were both surprising you and irritating you further at the implication his previous comments and interactions towards you were intentional.

You huffed and brought your hand back down to your side. “So you know who I am?”

“Row A, always raising your hand. Tight ponytail.” He stretched out the word ‘tight’ and you frowned at the innuendo. “Lacking your usual cartoonish grin but, yeah, I know who you are.”

“My smile is not cartoonish” You were hissing through your teeth at him and he smirked at that being the only thing you could manage to deny, too honest to refute his other claims even when you were frustrated.

He raised his hands in mock surrounded and your frown deepened, an uncharacteristically clouded expression taking over as your worst fears were confirmed. He was going to make this truly difficult, maybe even impossible. You resigned to sitting in the spot next to him, one over from your usual place.

You could feel him looking at you as the professor began talking, sneaking quick glances and sometimes downright staring holes in the side of your head.

For once in your entire academic career, you didn’t participate in class even remotely. You let your worries for the grand picture distract you from learning anything small today, zoning out with your lips in a pout until you noticed everybody packing up. Somehow you managed to fast forward through the entire thing.

Sunghoon was standing at the same time as you and as you made your way out of the room, he stepped infront of you and blocked your path completely. You tracked your eyes up his broad chest to his face and waited for him to add on to your already terrible day.

Instead he was sticking his hand out, similarly to the way you did earlier whilst waiting for a returned handshake. However his hand wasn’t fully open, clutching a small sticky note between his fingers and wagging it impatiently when you took too many seconds to stare at it in confusion. The second it was in your grip he was turning on his heel, out the door before you could speak or read it.

You glanced down at the paper in your hands with furrowed eyebrows, taking a second to decipher what he’d given you so abruptly.

When you finally pieced it together you felt a small surge of hope pass through you, smiling softly as you left the classroom, clutching Park Sunghoon’s phone number in your hand.

——

The little ball of hope you’d been presented didn’t last very long, disintegrating into a handful of nothingness before you’d even really had any time to appreciate its arrival.

You’d swallowed your pride and sent Park Sunghoon a text, very formative and stern in a request for him to meet you at the library before it closed. He hadn’t replied but you knew he had seen it and for some reason you thought he would actually show up despite having no evidence to that fact.

“Still waiting for somebody Y/N?” The boy who worked the front desk at the library was pushing past you with a cart of returned books, finishing cleaning up before he could close.

“Yeah I’m sorry Jake.” You frowned slightly and kept your tone polite, feeling guilty for slowing down his process.

He smiled at you and shook his head like it was no big deal, causing you to smile in return and bow your head slightly in appreciation. You were beginning to think you should just pack up and go to avoid causing him more issue until you heard a throat being cleared from behind you.

You immediately tensed up at the familiarity of it and you turned around in your seat to see Park Sunghoon standing a few feet away, watching Jake walk away with a raised eyebrow and a curious expression.

“You’re late.” You spat at him as your face dropped and you sighed, spinning back in your chair and fidgeting nervously with the opened book in front of you.

“Are you nice to everybody except me?” He was ignoring your nagging and making his way towards the table, surprising you by sitting directly next to you instead of the open seats across. “Where’s that Y/N classic smile?”

You shot him a glare but couldn’t help feeling slightly bad considering what he was saying. It was totally against your nature to be rude to somebody, even people who didn’t treat you the best necessarily.

“I take studies really seriously.” You explained to him, trying to soften your voice “And I don’t have a classic smile I just smile like a normal person, unlike you.”

He looked thrown off by your sudden banter and let out a scoff. “I smile.” He immediately argued.

“No you don’t, you smirk. There’s a big difference.” You were closing the book in front of you and he gave you a mildly confused glance, despite keeping his nonchalant demeanor. “The library closes in ten minutes, I told you that you were late.”

“Can’t you ask your friend to have some patience?” His words confused you for a second before you realized he was referring to Jake.

You scoffed in disbelief and shook your head, standing from your chair and starting to pack your belongings back into your bag. He groaned like he thought you were too sensitive and leaned forward slightly so he was still in your field of vision.

“What did I do now? You’re mad because I said you had friend? Aren’t you like friends with everybody?” He was droning on in a bored tone as he watched you continue packing, waiting for you to take the bait.

“I’m not mad.” You shook your head and gave him a forced smile. “I am simply coming to the realization my semester partner has no care for other peoples time. I wanted to give you the opportunity to actually prove yourself for once during your years at college but it’s clear you’re not interested so I’ll be going now.”

You glanced at him once last time as you spoke and you felt a wave of guilt come over you again at the way he tensed and his jaw ticked at your words. You looked away quickly in shame and gave him a small wave as you walked away, nodding at Jake as he said he’ll see you tomorrow.

——

“You said that?” Jungwon’s loud voice was overthrowing the sound of your upset groan as he rounded his way from the kitchen. “Y/N, how could you say that?”

“What are you talking about man, its Park Sunghoon. I think it’s awesome.” Riki was chiming in from the couch.

You were sprawled across the carpeted floor in dismay, immediately calling your friends over as you rushed out of the library with teary eyes and guilt from your mean comment.

“I love you Rik, but you finding anything I’ve done cool let’s me know it was something terrible.” Your words were half groaned and he looked offended for half a second before nodding in acceptance.

“I’m going to have to change schools.” You were dramatically continuing on, tugging your sweater over your hands and covering your face to mumble complaints through the fabric.

Jungwon was joining you on the carpet now and slowly feeding you a strawberry he had been cutting up, like an animal he was trying to calm down, and giving you a soft shake of his head. “No you won’t have to change schools. You just need to see him and apologize.”

“That’s the problem, I never see him.” You were mumbling around the strawberry and your other hand was anxiously scratching along the carpet in an attempt to self soothe.

“Well I overheard from Jay that’s he’s going to that stupid frat party I’m going to tonight. I’m sure I could get the two of you in.” Riki was chiming in again from the couch and you vaguely heard Jungwon scolding him, mentioning how you’d never been to a party before and never would when you were suddenly sitting up.

“That’s perfect.” The speed in which you sat up startled the both of them and they looked at you with confusion. “I’ll go to the party and apologize.”

“What?” Jungwon was raising an eyebrow as Riki clapped excitedly. “You’re going to go to a party, Y/N what’s gotten into you?”

“Correction Jungwon, we are going to a party.” You were grinning for the first time that day, excited at the idea of having a good night and getting the chance to right your wrongs, not paying any attention to the way all of the color drained from your best friends face.

——

The excitement hadn’t lasted more than a few minutes after entering the door.

The first thing that registered for you, was how much you underestimated what a frat party would be like, assuming it was played up and exaggerated in movies for the sake of entertainment.

Turns out, it was shockingly similar in the way it visibly was out of control and stunk like vomit and cheap beer. Your shoes felt sticky against the wood floors and you tried with all your might to keep a grimace off your face. People were greeting you excitedly, some making drunk comments about your rare appearance at a social event but seemingly friendly in their surprise at seeing you out for once.

The smile on your face wasn’t a good showcase of how you actually felt considering you were slowly getting more and more overwhelmed and the night was barely beginning. You’d almost forgotten why you were there in the first place in your building panic.

Jungwon had stayed close to you the entire night, looking similarly upset and irritated but wearing it openly on his face unlike you who at least was attempting to pretend to be enjoying yourself.

He was practically glued to your back as he shuffled around the main area, avoiding the shoulders of tall frat boys and the elbows of drunken college girls flailing around the dance floor.

“You guys could atleast try to look like you’re not being held hostage.” Riki had at some point wandered away to greet his sporty friends but he was now circling back with a drink in hand as he leaned down to speak to you, an eyebrow raised in disapproval.

You furrowed your eyebrows and gave him your best attempt at a casual expression, nudging Jungwon to do the same awkwardly, both of you dropping into frowns when your friend simply let out an amused chuckle.

“I just need some air.” You were shaking your head and putting your full cup down on the counter behind you, gesturing towards your friends sternly. “Stay with him, I’ll be back.”

You swiftly made your way away from them, ignoring Jungwon mumbling about not needing a babysitter, heading towards the slider door you’d seen briefly earlier.

By the time you’d made it over there and thrown it open, you’d sent hundreds of wishes to the universe that nobody would be out there. It was dark out on the small balcony but from what you could tell, your prayers were answered.

Your hands were touching the cold metal of the railing as you leaned your upper half over it slightly, taking deep breaths and shutting your eyes tight to try to bring your nerves down.

It was easy to be social and friendly in casual spaces like a classroom, quick conversations in the hallways that held no substance or weight came naturally to you and made your head feel lighter after a heavy work load but you’d never been a fan of large dense crowds in intimate spaces.

“Please don’t tell me you’re about to start singing.” You froze at the sound of somebody talking, spinning around to see you had clearly missed the other person leaning against the wall of the balcony in your haste to escape the party.

Park Sunghoon was stood casually, ankle crossed over the other as he watched you from the shadows. Your eyebrow quirked up at the burning red ash hanging off his lip and he shrugged softly at your curious glance.

“Why would I start singing?” You almost snapped the words but reeled your emotions in, remembering suddenly that you were meant to find him and apologize tonight.

“Looks like a disney princess, acts like a disney princess… you do the math.” He was answering like it was obvious and you were regretting your plan for the hundredth time that night.

You ignored his obvious attempt to bait you despite your instinct begging you to ask him what he meant by that, unable to tell if it was a diss or a begrudged compliment. You were taking a step towards him awkwardly with a sheepish expression and his raised eyebrow made another appearance. “Listen Park..”

“Please don’t make me listen to an apology monologue.” He was quickly interrupting you and your mouth dropped open in disbelief, staring up at him with wide eyes. “Consider it forgiven, plus you weren’t exactly wrong anyways.”

He was looking at you intensely but you couldn’t quite place what his expression was saying considering how dark it was, only relying on the reflective light of whatever he was smoking to provide some clarity.

“Great, so I came to this stupid party for no reason.” You were relieved he had seemingly forgiven you despite the awkward tension in the air but now you felt more defeated, having wasted an outfit and an entire night that you could’ve been in bed comfortable and studying during.

You sat down on one of the chairs around the balcony with a sigh, half laying down in social exhaustion. He let out a breath that could’ve been a laugh and then he was moving away from the wall and sitting down in another chair across from you.

He was easier to see now and you scanned his outfit as he rounded into the chair, feeling embarrassed suddenly at his casual attire and tightening your cardigan around your middle to try to hide the obvious effort you applied.

“Are you implying you came all the way to your first party just to see me?” His voice was mocking but not particularly rude, regardless it caused heat to rise to your cheeks. “How’d you even know I’d be here?”

“Riki said…” You were mumbling as you shrugged and avoided looking at him, suddenly realizing how weird your whole plan could seem from an outside perspective.

“Your tall friend.” He was stating in confirmation and you nodded. You were slightly thrown off that he knew what your friends looked like, along with the fact he had either just assumed it was your first party or paid attention enough to know you didn’t go out much.

The two of you didn’t say anything after that for a moment, only the sound of his inhales around what you could now see was a cigarette and the low thumping of music on the other side of the glass door, breaking up the silence.

You were trying not to stare too hard at him but you found it weird he had accepted so quickly the rude things you’d said, sitting out in the cold across from you like you were friends casually taking a smoke break.

Park Sunghoon typically fell pretty high on your list of stress inducers, your other wise easy going days and personality helping you breeze through most weeks without any issues. So it felt beyond strange to be finding comfort in the silence that came alongside his presence.

It didn’t last long however, only extending around ten minutes before there was loud banging against the slider door. Sunghoon didn’t move, just carelessly glancing over but you jumped up out of your seat and smoothed down your dress.

Riki was standing on the other side of the door, his fist pressed against it from where he’d just been slamming on it. His sharp eyebrows were furrowed in irritation and you gave him a confused glare before he was gesturing over his shoulder to where Jungwon was currently in the middle of the dance floor.

“Oh wow.” You heard Sunghoon breathe a laugh from his spot in the chair, the sight of your usually uptight friend dancing around with a sloshing cup, throwing the both of you off. “That’s probably not good.”

“Yeah.” You let out in a rush, glancing back at him and then towards Riki again apologetically. “I should probably go.”

You’re not sure why you said it, feeling immediately embarrassed when he gave you an amused look and shrugged his wide shoulders like he didn’t require you to say goodbye to him.

You were stumbling away from the porch in a hurry before you could embarrass yourself more, the loud noises of the party immediately hitting you once you slid the glass open to join Riki in an attempt to get Jungwon home.

——

Your normal schedule was already in a complete disarray and you were one more mishap from breaking down, quickly moving through the halls with your backpack clutched to your chest so it didn’t smack against your back as you ran.

“Hi Y/N.” Jake was greeting you casually once you made it to the library, an hour past when you normally liked to be there. “Rough morning?”

You glanced at him from where you were bent over, hands on your knees and you tried to catch your breath. You gave him a small smile and nodded your head, sitting up slowly and placing a book down in front of him gently on the customer service desk.

“Any good?” He was smiling at you as he scanned it, placing it in his return pile and leaning forward on the surface so he could focus in on your response.

“Not sure if it’s your taste but I liked it.” You shrugged at him and you grinned and he nodded his head in understanding, glancing behind you momentarily.

“Your scary friend has been waiting for you I think, by the way.”

You were turning as you spoke, shaking your head at him in amusement. “Riki isn’t scary, he’s just…”

Your words trailed off as you followed his line of sight and quickly realized who he had been referring to. Park Sunghoon was sat at the table nearest to the entrance, leaning back casually and playing with his pen, his classic raised eyebrow as he watched you and Jake interact.

He didn’t say anything but he looked slightly amused at the way your mouth dropped open in surprise, faltering completely.

Giving a smile to Jake and a small wave, you hesitantly made your way over to where Sunghoon was sitting and placed your backpack down on the chair across from him.

“How’d you know I’d be here?” You questioned him with a slow tone and you watched his expression to see if he’d be annoyed at your lack of greeting.

“Library boy said he’d see you tomorrow.” He shrugged like it was an obvious thing to pick up or care about. “And it’s tomorrow.”

You gave him a questioning stare that he held without any issue, slowly sitting down in your chair and trying to decide what approach to take to such a strange conversation. You hadn’t expected to see him again, surely not as soon as you currently were and not in the library.

“Would you rather me have not shown up?” He was cocking an eyebrow at you and you stared at him for a few seconds, trying to decide if he was baiting you into another argument or if he was genuinely trying to understand your current thought process.

You weren’t exactly sure how to answer his question, grateful he had shown up despite your previous out burst but also feeling extremely awkward after your weird interaction at the party. You’d had plans for what to work on today, a list of precise details and assignments you needed to complete, but your mind felt completely blank now looking at him.

He shifted in his seat and you realized you hadn’t answered him yet, clearing your throat quickly and offering him a small smile and a brief nod.

“I’m glad you showed up Park. We have a lot of work to do.” You were chirping out and he scoffed out a laugh at your sudden bright tone, putting back on your usual nice tone and expression. Your eye twitched at his disapproving laugh but you attempted to keep your cherry mood as you pulled open one of your shared classes textbooks.

You could feel him staring at you as you did so and your hands suddenly felt stiff and clammy under his watchful eyes, your movements awkward and clumsy.

“Do I make you nervous or something?” He was suddenly speaking again and you froze where you were bent over to reach the floor and dig through your backpack.

You sat to swiftly to glare at him, fixing your hair when it shifted forward into your face and he smirked slightly again at the familiar look returning to your face. He was leaning back in the chair casually and his arms were crossed as he looked at you, jacket pulled tight on his arms.

“Why on earth would you make me nervous Park.” You were whispering to him but the words were forced and rough, leaning forward with tour elbows on the table.

“Scared maybe?” He was shrugging like it was obvious and you gave him a confused expression, not sure where he would’ve gotten that idea from. “Just assuming considering your guard dogs have been staring at us this entire time.”

“What are you-“ You were shaking your head and trailing when he was lazily glancing over your shoulder as an explanation. You whipped around in your seat just in time to see two familiar faces hurriedly duck behind the nearest book shelf. You could hear Jungwon’s voice complaining in a whisper shout that Riki had bumped him on accident.

You were turning back to the table and groaning loudly, a sound you rarely made outside of your friend group and Sunghoon’s face almost twisted in surprise. You put your head in your hands and avoided looking at him in embarrassment.

“They’re psychotic.” You were announcing, your voice muffled by your sleeves and hair.

“They’re kind of funny.” Sunghoon was saying it like he was reluctant to admit it and you picked your head up to look at him in surprise. His expression remained neutral, as always, as he looked at you. “You guys should come to my friends party this weekend.”

Despite seeing him at the last party, it completely threw you off to hear him so casually mention going to one. Then it dawned on you that he was not only mentioning it, but inviting you and your friends and you completely flushed.

He was still just watching you with that same blank stare and you suddenly felt extremely nervous at his proposition. You didn’t take him as the party type, and you also didn’t know he had friends in the first place let alone ones who were social enough to throw parties. You were shaking your head before you even processed doing it and his eyebrow cocked again.

“We don’t really… party much.” You were awkwardly mumbling out and he gave you a disbelieving look.

“The little one sure seems to.” He responded quickly and you were confused for a second before remembering he had also been a witness to Jungwon’s adventure last time, the sole reason your conversation on the deck had been cut short in the first place.

“Do you always know this much about people?” You changed the topic to try and distract him from the fact you had completely lied about your friends recent habits, sliding your elbows further on the table so you were leaned over it a bit and giving off the impression that you were interrogating him.

For the first time since you’d met him, he looked slightly startled at your sudden statement. His responses were normally quick and witty but he didn’t say anything for a few seconds, watching you with a small hint of bewilderment on his otherwise stiff face.

“No offense but.. I didn’t know you even had friends.” You felt bad for making him uncomfortable and you quickly tried to change the subject back to his invite, thankful to see the tension leave his shoulders as he scoffed at your words.

“None taken. You wouldn’t know them anyways.” He was shrugging and you frowned, priding yourself on being social and friendly with people all over the school. “Different social circles.”

“Try me.” You were blurting out, determined to prove him wrong and show that you didn’t discriminate about who you were friendly to. He gave you a knowing look but you weren’t deterred, a smug expression on your face as you waited for him to name names.

He waited for a few seconds before sighing and sitting up in his seat a bit. “Lee Heeseung?”

Your shoulders dropped at the unfamiliar name, never having even heard it in passing and his smirk widened. He didn’t name anybody else and you were glad considering your ego was already bruised from the first one. He repeated the fact that you ran in different circles and you watched him curiously as he shifted again, checking his phone suddenly that you hadn’t noticed was abandoned on the table.

“Fuck.” He was mumbling under his breath and shoving the device into his pocket, pushing out of his sweet casually and giving you a quick look. “I’ve gotta go, let’s reschedule.”

“But we didn’t even-“ You were pausing in your objection when he was already turning and disappearing out of the library, your hands raising in bewilderment at his sudden departure before you’d even slightly started to work on anything. You let out a sigh and flopped back in your seat.

You sat there for a few moments on self pity before you heard faint whispers and grunts coming behind you and you groaned softly at the reminder you had an audience. Turning your head slightly to let them know you knew they were there.

“Get out here idiots.”

——

Park Sunghoon hadn’t responded to any of your text messages for the rest of the school week and you were absolutely fuming, not even able to control your expression as you walked between classes.

Students were sending you concerned glances as you marched through the campus, a deep frown underneath your tensed eyebrows, a direct opposite to what your normal expression was. He hadn’t shown up to any classes either so you couldn’t yell at him and release your pent up anger even if you wanted to.

“Jesus Y/N.” Riki was calling from somewhere to the side of you and he quickly matched your stride as he joined you, his long legs easily following along to your fast stomps. “You look like you’re about to kill somebody.”

“Trust me, I would be killing somebody if that certain somebody would come out of hiding.” You were spitting out and turning a corner sharply, having finished classes for the day and deciding to head back to your dorm instead of going to the library.

“I know you said no, but why don’t we just go to that party he mentioned then.” Riki was sighing softly and you could feel him looking at you in worry, more serious than he normally was considering how distressed you’d been as you took on two work loads. “He’s bound to be there right? I just wish it wasn’t Heeseung’s party..”

He was trailing off and you paused in your tracks, his arm bumping into yours at your abrupt stop and he turned back to raise an eyebrow at you in confusion.

“You know Lee Heeseung?” You were rushing out, shifting your books to your other arm so you could raise a hand and poke his chest accusingly.

“I know everybody dude.” He gave you a look like he thought you were stupid for missing the obvious and honestly you kind of were, for some reason only now remembering your best friend was the biggest social butterfly in your school.

You knew everybody, but Riki actively engaged with people and was a casual member of multiple friend groups, especially when it came to filling his weekends with various parties and activities.

“He’s trouble though Y/N, and I mean it.” He was shaking his head with a disapproving look on his face and you furrowed your eyebrows at him. You’d never experienced somebody that your friend didn’t like, the expression on his face causing a weird pit in your stomach to form. “That whole group is, I can’t believe Park is friends with people like that.”

The two of you continued to walk after agreeing to discuss it with Jungwon before making any decisions.

You felt extremely thrown off by what Riki had told you, knowing Park Sunghoon definitely had a reputation and an astoundingly stern attitude problem but you couldn’t imagine him hanging out with a crowd as rough as Riki was warning you he did. He seemed to be full more of teasing comments and selfishness than he was actual problematic behavior but the other part of you was confused why you felt the instinct to defend him.

You sighed softly and shifted your books around in your arms, pushing it deep into your mind for now.

——

“I’m telling you, I really have a terrible feeling about this guys.” Jungwon was leaning down to whisper into your ear as you stood in the small line outside the house the party was in, loud music already pouring out and deafening your surroundings despite the fact you were barely on the front lawn.

You glanced over at Riki to see him carrying a similar worried expression, unusually tense as he glanced around at the area you were in.

The energy was vastly different than the last party you’d went to, the same going for the attendees. Most seemed like they were a lot older than you and your friends, carrying a strange look in their eyes and regarding each other with tensed conversations that bordered on arguments.

Your sick feeling from earlier had returned full forced and you tugged on the sleeves of your sweater anxiously, regretting that you had followed Sunghoon’s lead of a casual outfit like he wore last time. Most the women at this party were anything but casual, wearing very little clothing and carrying themselves with a maturity you couldn’t even fake.

“We can be in and out, I promise.” You were tugging them down more to your level to whisper, a heavy guilty settling in at the fact you’d even brought them along. “I’ll find him and tell him to get his stuff together, then we can go home and watch Spider-Man.”

Your friends gave you soft encouraging smiles but their shoulders didn’t lose any tension and neither did yours, only growing more nervous when you were finally passing through the doorway. The three of you moved in unison over to the kitchen area and you turned to them once you reached somewhere that felt somewhat neutral.

It was small enough that nobody was actually hanging out in there, simply giving you strange looks as they passed by to refill their cups.

“You guys stay here and I’ll go and find him.” You were sternly telling them and Jungwon’s face curled up in disapproval.

“Are you kidding me? No way we are letting you walk around out there by yourself.” He was shaking his head and you deflated slightly, knowing the sight of you and your friends approaching to scold him would do nothing but drive Sunghoon further away from you and your overload of assignments.

“If I’m not back in 20 minutes, come and find me.” You were telling them as a form of compromising, raising a hand with your pinky stuck out.

Jungwon was sighing but eventually complying with your ask, raising his and linking your fingers together in a promise. You glanced at Riki and he gave you a small nod of acceptance, still carrying that dark expression that you weren’t used to seeing.

You were readying yourself before pushing back out into the main are, taking a deep breath and adjusting your skirt before heading back out through the door and scanning the general area.

It only took a few seconds before somebody was bumping into you from behind, sending you into somebody else and this continued for a few encounters before you were catching your footing and getting the memo that standing around like a lost deer wasn’t the right move.

You tried to look casual as you moved through the crowd but you knew your attire and demeanor gave you away upon first glance, possibly even passing for a confused highschooler in the eyes of the weathered people you were stuck in the sweaty room with. You were once again second guessing what you knew about Park Sunghoon, doubt running through your mind that he would take your demand as smoothly as he did your previous outburst towards him.

Luckily you were spotting him quicker than you thought you would, just starting to lose hope that you’d find him at all before you caught sight of his familiar bleached hair and leather jacket.

That familiar anger from earlier was building back up and you pulled your face into a determined expression, not letting him and his mysterious social life scare you off. You marched over to him and aggressively poked him in the back, faltering slightly when he whipped around with a heavy glare.

His face fell when he registered it was you and you figured it was just because he’d been expecting a friend or he was preparing for your lecture, not realizing that he had been mid conversation with a few guys who were smoking behind his back on the couch.

“How dare you Park Sunghoon.” You were starting off strong in your rambles, only slightly thrown off that his eyes were widening and his face was showing the biggest display of emotion you’d seen since you’d met him. You couldn’t quite read what he was feeling however so you decided to continue. “Do you have any idea how exhausted I’ve been this week? Not to mention looking for you absolutely everywhere like a crazy person, just for you to never even bother to show up.”

“Also.. your phone, I’ve been..” You were slowly trailing off, both because his lack of response and the fact somebody was now standing off the couch and approaching the two of you from behind Sunghoon. “I’ve been calling and you..”

“You must be the scholar.” The boy was cutting you off with a strange grin, wrapping an arm around Sunghoon’s shoulder and pulling him in a bit tighter to his chest.

You watched Sunghoon wince slightly and give you a sharp warning look, silently trying to communicate that you had made a mistake. You didn’t need for him to tell you that considering you could immediately feel the energy of the room shift at his arrival, the grin slowly sliding off his sharp face the longer you stared.

“You don’t know how to introduce yourself?” He was saying, a played up disappointment in his voice and he kissed his teeth before turning to look at the side of Sunghoon’s face. “Thought you said your girl had manners Hoonie.”

Your face flushed at the mocking question directed towards you and then more so at the phrase he’d used to Sunghoon. You’d obviously been talked about before considering the nickname he had called you and the implication that Sunghoon spoke on your behavior.

“Well I’m Heeseung.” He was smiling at you, a toothy grin that was immediately dropping back into that lazy smirk. It was similar to the one the boy next to him often wore but it felt a lot meaner, his eyes sharp as they stared down at you analytically. “And you’re Y/N… did you dress yourself Y/N?”

Your cheeks felt red and hot as you instinctively glanced down at your outfit, tugging your sleeves over your hands anxiously and parting your mouth to try and say something. You felt embarrassed at the fact he was clearly making fun of you, something you’d experienced before due to your bubbly personality but never so sincere and nasty.

It got even worse when you realized your eyes were starting to water, not meaning to cry but the overwhelming humiliation activating your fight or flight. You glanced at Sunghoon and he was watching you with a heavy look that you didn’t understand.

“Is she mute? You didn’t mention she was mute Hoonie.” Heeseung was squeezing his shoulders again and Sunghoon was finally moving a bit, shoving his arm back so the other boy wasn’t holding onto him anymore. He glared at him but still didn’t say anything, certainly not coming to your defense. “I didn’t say it was a bad thing sweetheart, it’s actually kind of sexy. The whole pathetic virgin look you have going on.”

He laughed softly as he spoke but you knew he wasn’t attempting to make a joke, his eyes scanning up and down your frame with an expression you’d never seen somebody have before. You couldn’t tell if he was actually considering you lustfully or if it was pure disgust in his eyes.

“Leave her be man.” Sunghoon was finally speaking now, a soft sigh accompanying his words and he nudged his friends arm softly.

“Sunghoon said you’ve been on his ass for days.” Heeseung was completely ignoring him and continuing, not even sparing the other boy a glance and keeping his stare firmly locked on your frame. “Hitting him up constantly like some clingy bitch of a girlfriend.”

You shot him a hurt stare but he was avoiding looking at you now, his eyes on his shoes or past your head as his friend continued to berate you. You looked back at the unfamiliar boy and shook your head softly, feeling some of your hair loosen from your pins and a tear finally break loss and stream down your cheek.

You hurriedly wiped it with your sleeve and Sunghoon’s head shot back up at the movement, face crumbling for a second before hardening back up when Heeseung glanced at him to see his reaction to your tears.

Something was bumping into you from behind and you were starting to turn and apologize, planning to use the distraction as a way to disappear from the terrible interaction when you realized who it was pressing against you.

Heeseung was immediately smiling again at the sudden arrival of your friends but Sunghoon tensed more, like he knew their presence would upset his friend even further and escalate the situation. Heeseung didn’t look at all deterred by the fact Riki was a lot taller than him, or the deep glare that Jungwon was sending him from your side where he was grabbing your arm softly.

“It’s been 20 minutes.” Your youngest friends voice was resounding from behind you, his tone lower than normal and you could feel his chest rumble against your back. “We have to go.”

You nodded your head even though you weren’t facing him and your hand instinctively came up to wipe your face off again. Jungwon was stood rod stiff next to you and radiating an anger you’d never experienced from the gentle and mature boy.

You considered saying something to Sunghoon, even as small as letting him know he was off the hook and didn’t need to help you with any assignments. One look at him told you that would be a mistake, understanding now what his harsh expression when he saw you had meant.

Heeseung was still making comments as the three of you turned to leave, whining about how the fun had only just started and other things that you tuned out as you let out a small sob and let your friends guide you through the crowd.

You felt embarrassed to be so upset over a few mean comments but you couldn’t shake the feeling of disgust that washed over you at his words and nasty stare, wiping your tears again and feeling the way one of your friends hands tensed against your arms at the movement. You felt guilty for dragging them out of their dorms for no reason, not even succeeding in getting your partner to cooperate.

“Y/N.” You could hear your voice being called as the three of you pushed out into the lawn but you ignored it when you realized who it was. “Please, just wait a damn second.”

You stopped abruptly because your friends did, Riki immediately turning around and approaching the boy in an agitated manner. You watched him press his chest close to Sunghoon’s in a challenge and you silently pleaded that he would be smart enough to not start a fight where you knew nobody and Sunghoon apparently had social ties.

Sunghoon paid the younger boy no mind, quickly giving him a unbothered glance before looking over his shoulder towards where you were standing and holding onto Jungwon.

“Two minutes.” He was requesting and his eyebrows were pulled forward in a serious expression, waiting for your answer. “Please.”

The rare use of the word from him made you feel hesitant to say no and you sighed before approaching them slowly, softly touching Riki’s arm and whispering for him and Jungwon to go down the street a bit and call for an Uber home.

You watched them as they walked away, both sending you concerned looks over their shoulders as they got further up the street and you tried your best to give them a reassuring smile. When they were far enough that they wouldn’t be able to hear your conversation, you turned back to Sunghoon and sniffled softly although you’d almost stopped crying by now.

“Let’s just get this over with then.” You were hurrying out, shaking your head and avoiding looking at him.

You imagined you looked like a complete mess, contradicting your typical put together demeanor. You’d taken your hair pins out and you could feel it getting messier as you kept running your hands over it, face red and puffy from being upset.

“I know I’m annoying and pushy, and I probably texted you too much but I was just freaking out with how much work we had to do and I didn’t know how to get ahold of you.” You were rambling off and pulling at your sweater uncomfortably, still not looking at him even though you could see he was taking a step forward.

“You shouldn’t have come here.” His voice was saying and your head shot up to glare at him in confusion, not caring that his expression was still pretty soft and not angry.

“Need I remind you that you invited me, asshole.” You spat at him, raising an accusatory finger but you didn’t poke his chest like you normally did.

“I shouldn’t have, it was stupid of me.” He was shaking his head and sighing, looking past you for a second before his eyes were shooting back. He never seemed to have an issue with staring (or glaring) at you but something about your puffy eyes and furrowed eyebrows was making it hard for his gaze to stay locked on your face. “My phone… it just wasn’t on and I didn’t think you’d come since I didn’t answer.”

You didn’t say anything for a few seconds, not really understanding why he was explaining himself to you considering he clearly wanted nothing to do with you and he’d never cared about your opinion on anything before.

He was just watching you with that same weird expression he had inside, almost compassionate but still guarded and heavy with something you couldn’t name and frankly, didn’t want to. You’d decided it was best just to leave this situation alone, Heeseung’s mean words still ringing in your mind louder and louder every time you looked at Sunghoon’s face.

“You don’t need to tell me this. It’s not like we’re friends or anything.” You were telling him and you stared at your shoes so you didn’t need to see his reaction to your words.

He didn’t say anything for a few beats and your eyes flitted back up swiftly to see why he had gone silent. His jaw was clenched now and he’d lost the expression that was making your stomach hurt, returning back to being hardened and emotionless.

“Yeah you’re right. We aren’t friends.” He was saying it with finality and your chest ached despite being the one to originally say it, his tone a lot more sincere than yours.

You expected him to just give up on the conversation and walk away but he was just standing there as he watched you, eyes darting around your disheveled hair and the way you were still continuously pulling at your sweater sleeves. You eventually couldn’t stand the tension anymore, along with the fear Heeseung would come looking for his friend sooner or later.

You took a deep breath before giving him a small sad smile, turning on your heel to go and find your friends.

——

“You should’ve just taken the day off Y/N.” Jungwon was whispering to you the next Monday, seated beside you in your shared class and sending you concerned glances every few seconds.

He’d been saying this since the incident at the party, telling you it would be best if you took a sick day before coming back to school. Especially to the classes in which you shared with Park Sunghoon.

You’d been ignoring his warnings, never missing a day before unless it was absolutely unavoidable and you didn’t plan to start because some boy had hurt your feelings a few days ago. You were wearing your usual attire and sitting up straight in your seat, smiling at everybody who entered and refreshing your perfume between lectures.

Besides, it wasn’t like you actually had any plans to run into the reasons for your upset. Heeseung didn’t actually attend your school, you’d quickly found out by pretending to be tutoring him and asking the administration office for his dorm number, and Sunghoon might as well not have considering he never seemed to actually show up anymore.

So you felt a bit thrown off, and regretful that you hadn’t taken your best friends advice, when you were walking into your next class alone and immediately being hit with the familiar sight of his bleached hair.

Not only had he come to class for the first time in nearly two weeks, but he was sat front and center in the seat beside your usual one. You’d faltered completely at the sight of him but before he could notice you in return, you were squaring your shoulders and forcing a bright grin onto your face.

You casually greeted the professor and a few of your peers, complimenting a girls new hair color and giving a small wave to somebody who had wished you good luck on an upcoming project. You weren’t looking at Sunghoon but there was no doubt he��d noticed you by now, the sound of your preppy voice undeniable.

It was nearly impossible to not look over at him once you sat down considering how close he was, his usual manspreading putting his knee far out into the isle so you had to squeeze past it to get to your own seat. You were sure he could feel the back of your legs brushing over his pants and you winced slightly before rushing through the rest of the tight aisle and hurriedly sitting down in your seat.

You cleared your throat and flattened down your hair, fixing your posture and preparing to make it through the duration of the class without needing to interact with the boy.

It was surprisingly easier than you’d expected, although you found yourself unable to focus half the time just from the knowledge that he was so close to you. Still, you didn’t sense the familiar feeling of him staring at the side of your head and he definitely didn’t try to speak to you. You felt bewildered on why he would even show up to class if it wasn’t to confront you or discuss your shared assignments, seemingly just listening to the professor as he rambled on.

Your confusion didn’t stop you from rushing out of the classroom in a hurry the second it was dismissed, breezing past classmates and not giving Sunghoon the opportunity to say anything to you.

——

“How could you possibly forget your phone?” Your youngest friends voice was hitting your ears, albeit muffled considering you were in the familiar position of burying your face into your carpet and letting out low painful groans.

“She was too busy running away from the campus asshole.” Jungwon was explaining, having quickly pieced together what had happened the second you’d crashed through the door in a panic.

Your two friends had already made themselves comfortable in your dorm before you’d gotten there, citing it was more peaceful than their own because you didn’t have a roommate like most students did. You didn’t pay them any mind before sinking to the floor like you’d lost all your bones and telling them what had happened in a series of short carpet spoken phrases.

“So? Just sneak in and grab it before they lock the main doors.” Riki was suggesting it like it was obvious and your head shot up off the floor, giving him a pleading look that he immediately deciphered. “Sorry Y/N, but no way. I’d get in trouble if I got caught, unlike a certain teacher’s favorite.”

“He’s right you know. Nobody would even think twice about you staying at the school late.” Jungwon was adding on from where he was sitting on top of your small bed and you sighed softly, knowing they both had a solid point.

Hence how you found yourself slowly slipping in behind a security guard through the doors to the school, hours after the last students had trickled out for the day and been forced to reside to their dorms or the 24 hour library if they wanted to continue studying. It was slightly eerie to see the area so empty, practicing your scripted explanation in case you were stopped by a less forgiving teacher or the campus security.

You felt a wave of anxiety as you moved through the halls, suddenly realizing the classroom might not be unlocked and if it was that would mean the professor could be right around the corner, waiting to interrogate you about how you’d gotten in.

Attempting to swallow your nerves, you continued towards the room you’d ran out off previously in the day. Park Sunghoon had created another problem in your life and you wished you could find it in yourself to be mad at him, still thrown off by his strange lack of bothering you he’d shown earlier. It was easy to convince yourself that you were just curious about him, nosy by nature and even more so considering how mysterious he tended to be.

You were slipping into the classroom swiftly, not touching the door in case somebody heard its hinges or noticed it had been opened wider. You let out a breath of relief that it had been left open and that the professor was seemingly not there, no sign of his briefcase or paperwork laid out on the desk.

The breath only lasted a few seconds, immediately being ripped out of you when you were suddenly being tugged aggressively backwards and almost losing your balance. You let out a small shriek of panic and surprise but a large hand was quickly placed over your mouth, stopping you from making another sound.

You couldn’t tell who it was that had grabbed you, especially considering they had pulled you into the small supply closet in the back of the classroom and the string light was turned off.

“What are you-“ You had smacked the hand off your face and were just starting to exclaim when a hissed shush was thrown back towards you. You immediately froze when you realized who it was, used to the familiar and aggressive tone.

Park Sunghoon was reaching up to tug on the lights string for a second and turn it on, showing you who he was with a raised eyebrow before switching it off again and shushing you once more. You felt a surge of anger at the fact he had pulled you in here, furthered by the fact that he seemed to think showing you it was him would calm your panic down.

Even more anger resurfaced considering that it actually slightly worked, relieved it wasn’t a complete stranger despite your intense confusion on what exactly he was doing.

“Park?” You tensed up when you heard the professors voice from outside the closet, quickly understanding that they must’ve been having some sort of meeting before you’d walked in and nearly gotten caught.

Sunghoon noticed your stiffening body, considering you were completely pushed up against each other due to how small the closet was. You could feel him looking down at you and you glanced up quickly, barely able to make out his features in the dark but just enough that you could see the warning in his eyes.

You gave him a small nod and his shoulders lowered in relief, knowing you wouldn’t give the two of you up. You weren’t sure if you’d actually get in trouble or not but you didn’t want to risk it, even the idea of the smallest mark on your record making your stomach turn with anxiety.

“That damn kid.” The professor was cursing under his breath and you could hear the disappointment in his voice at the fact Sunghoon had presumably ditched the meeting while he had left the room, glancing back up at the boy to see a strange look on his face.

At first you assumed he had been in trouble and was being scolded but due to the tone of your teachers voice, you imagined now it was something different. Potentially the two of them finally working some things out regarding Sunghoon’s absences and missing assignments.

“What the fuck are you doing here?” Sunghoon was leaning down to whisper in your ear and a shiver ran through you at how close he had gotten, flushing at your bodies natural reaction and hoping he didn’t notice.

“I.. I forgot something.” You were rocking forward onto your toes to be able to whisper it back to him and you furrowed your brows at the fact you were giving him an answer anyways, not sure why you felt you had to explain yourself to him.

He was standing back to his full height again to stare down at you and you watched him in confusion before feeling something hard pressing into your stomach. Your eyes shot downwards in a panic and you froze up when you realized he was holding your phone in his hand and attempting to pass it to you in the small space. Your eyes shot back up to his face in surprise before you were grabbing it and slipping it into your hoodies front pocket.

Another voice was suddenly appearing from outside the closet and you stiffened up enough to accidentally stumble in shock, nearly falling backwards and knocking into the various mops and brooms if it wasn’t for the hand reaching forward to steady itself around your waist. You froze at the feeling and glanced up to see Sunghoon staring up at the light and avoiding looking at you, eyes closed for a second in a wince.

He didn’t let go of you however, keeping his hand placed there firmly despite the fact you had regained your balance and didn’t plan on moving again anytime soon.

“Hope you don’t have anywhere to be anytime soon.” He was speaking again and you almost panicked at the fact he hadn’t leaned closer to be more discreet when you realized the conversation taking place outside was loud enough to be undetected if you spoke in a low whisper.

“Well luckily for me the pathetic virgin convention was moved to next week so.” You weren’t sure why you had brought it up, directly referencing what Heeseung had called you and the incident at the party, but you immediately regretted it considering the way his face tensed at the words.

You assumed he was upset with you for starting a petty argument when neither one of you could move or even really voice your actual thoughts upon a certain decibel, growing more nervous when he just sighed and didn’t say anything for a few minutes.

“I don’t know why he said that.” He was suddenly saying and you froze a bit at the fact he hadn’t gotten upset with you, instead sounding almost guilty.

“It’s not your fault I guess.” You shrugged awkwardly and looked at his chest so you didn’t have to see his face, reaching up to push some of your hair behind your ear that was falling forward. “You didn’t know he’d repeat the stuff you said.”

“I didn’t say anything like that.” He was saying quickly, his tone almost offended that you had assumed he did.

“You didn’t?” Your voice was laced in surprise and you looked back up at him with wide eyes, his eyebrows furrowed and his gaze darted around your face at the sight of you staring up towards him through your eyelashes.

“No, of course not.” He was shaking his head and his lip was slightly downturned but you didn’t find it as obvious as he seemed to think it was, never directly being cruel towards you necessarily but also never providing any evidence towards the fact he wouldn’t insult you behind your back. “I like… your sweaters.”

He awkwardly trailed off at the end, pausing between the words like he hadn’t mean to start saying them and he looked back up at the light like he was avoiding the way your eyes widened. You felt your cheeks flush at his attempt to compliment you, his hand against your side tensing like he’d forgotten it was even there and he was instinctively using your soft skin as a stress ball.

“Really? You do?” You were whispering before you even realized it, your curiosity getting the best of you but he tensed again and you understood you probably pushed it too far by asking him to reiterate what he’d said.

The door to the classroom was opening and closing outside the closet and for a second you thought both teachers had left considering the sudden silence but you heard somebody clear their throat and realized the conversation had just ended and you still weren’t able to leave yet.

Sunghoon was suddenly leaning back down towards you and you felt panicked until you remembered you had to go back to speaking into each others ears, much to your dismay.

“Yeah, I do.” He was saying softly and you felt confused for a second before recalling the question you’d asked him, another small shiver running through you at his low tone and confirmation that he was complimenting you. If he didn’t notice before, he definitely did not considering he was still holding onto your side and his hand clenched around you.

The air was suddenly heavy and suffocating, a weird tension settling over both of you at the fact you were pressed so close and he was touching you so intimately like it was a natural thing that happened before, like you hadn’t barely talked outside of petty arguments and your conflict a few days prior.

Nonetheless, you had to communicate somehow and your hands were going up to hold onto his shoulders, both for the sake of pulling him down towards you and being able to prop yourself up with less risk of tilting backwards. Once you were closer to his ear, you were leaning forward and you could feel his heart beating from where you pressed against his chest.

“Why didn’t you say anything then?” You were mumbling hesitantly and he tensed up slightly when your lip accidentally touched his ear, immediately dropping back down to your original height and feeling your face heat up at the contact.

He was looking down at you and you held his stare, a small pout on your face that you didn’t even realize you had. You were thinking back to the party and how silent he had been while you were being insulted, despite not being friends and knowing he didn’t owe you any defense or protection, you still felt weird about the way he had just watched it unfold.

He was sighing and shaking his head, leaning back down towards you and his hand flexed again, pulling you tighter against him as a result of the movement. “It would’ve made it worse if I did.”

You were confused by what he meant but you didn’t want to look up and see his expression again, a lot closer now that he had subconsciously pulled you into him. He was still leaning down towards you and you wondered if he planned to say something else or if he was just sick of constantly bending back down.

Your hands were still around his shoulders, tightening around his neck in a weirdly familiar way to keep yourself from titling considering how close your feet were together in the small

space. You tried to think of a way to respond that would give you some answers without prying too much and accidentally upsetting him again.

“Why do you hang out with him?” You were whispering back into his ear and trying to ignore the fact that you were basically hugging as you spoke to each other.

“He’s family.” He was hesitantly answering after a few beats and you were surprised he had even offered the personal information at all, also understanding why that connection would make the situation more difficult and harder to remove himself from.

You let go of his shoulders but kept your hands on his chest in case you feel forward, not even realizing that his other hand has also come down to hold your side and you had no real reason to be touching him, complete secure in his grasp without the added support. You were able to see his face again now and he watched you with a curious expression, seemingly unfazed by the close contact unlike you and your still red cheeks.

“Did you really say I’d been on your ass? That I was like a clingy girlfriend?” You were a bit embarrassed by the saddened tone to your voice but you were genuinely curious and hurt by the fact Heeseung said he’d been told that, not having any way of knowing about your excessive text if Sunghoon hadn’t told him.

“He saw my phone.” He was sighing and starting to explain but he looked extremely awkward, more so than you’d ever seen him and he was ducking his head closer to yours to remain quiet now that you weren’t whispering in his ear anymore. “I couldn’t let him know we were friends or else he would’ve messed with you… more than he already did.”

You didn’t say anything for a while, just watching him and overwhelmingly aware of how close his face was to yours and how if you were the same height, your noses would’ve been touching. You would’ve thought he either didn’t notice or didn’t care, if it wasn’t for the way his eyes were darting around your face and occasionally pausing on your parted mouth.

“So we were friends?” Was all you managed to squeak out, holding your breath and staring up at him as your lips curled into a small smile.

He was standing blank for a second before a sudden scoff came out of his mouth, an eyebrow cocking at your amusement and you felt slightly relieved at the familiar expression back on his face now. You’d weirdly missed the cocky look in his eye, much preferring it over the hard and vacant one he’d been giving you since you’d fought.

“Maybe we could be if you weren’t always so nervous around me.” He was mumbling back in a teasing tone and your stomach flipped at the slightly flirty hint under his words, never crossing into that territory with him before despite the strange tension always sitting in the back of your mind.

Your breath was hitching at the way he tugged you closer again, his right hand sliding a bit so it was against your lower back instead of at your side and he could keep you flush against him. You watched him with big eyes, confused and slightly anxious at the sudden switch in his demeanor. You felt slightly guilty for immediately wondering if he was just messing with you, preparing to push you away and laugh the second you responded to his passes.

His eyes were suddenly more hesitant looking however, like he was wondering if he had made a mistake due to your lack of response and you realized he was just as nervous as you were, just more skilled at hiding his emotions.

“I don’t make you nervous?” You were whispering to him and he immediately shook his head, staring down at you intensely. Your hand flattened where it was on his chest and you hoped he didn’t see how bad it was shaking. “Not even a little bit?”

You thought, for a moment, that you heard his breath catch in his throat but you quickly discarded that idea. Sunghoon had never shown interest in you before outside of this moment and you figured he was just not thinking clearly due to your proximity and the adrenaline from possibly being caught, still a man in a tight space with a girl regardless if you were meant to be enemies or not.

However, you couldn’t help but think of the fact he’d both managed to compliment you and also seemed to pay a lot more attention to your life and schedule than you’d seen him apply towards other people. He knew who you were before you introduced yourself to him, aware of your closest friends and the fact you didn’t go to parties much.

You thought of the fact he had shown up at the library just off the passing comment Jake had made about seeing you the next day, inviting you to a party with your friends. It had turned out terrible but he’d still invited you, opening the doorway to potentially see each other outside of school and converse in a more neutral setting.

His face was dangerously close to yours as he took in your question, silently urging him to admit that he felt similarly to you when it came to the confusing nerves and anticipation you felt every time he was around. You always felt there was something unsaid between the two of you, pushed aside when you started to bicker or one of you had to leave early.

“Your hearts racing.” He ignored what you had said and you frowned softly, glancing down to where your bodies connected. He somehow seemed even closer once you were looking up again and your eyes widened a bit, wondering if he was intentionally leaning down more or if his body was just instinctively being drawn in.

“I’m scared to get caught.” You quickly answered, lying through your teeth but you knew he knew that. His mouth was curling into a smirk and he squeezed your back again, hips flushed together. “I’m serious.”

“I like when you wear this skirt.” He was retorting randomly and your stomach flipped at the rasp in his voice from whispering, not expecting him to keep changing the topic especially when he changed it to compliment you. You didn’t even realize this was something you apparently wore often, just throwing it on with your hoodie before heading back to the school and not thinking twice about it.

“Do you always pay such close attention to me?” You were asking him back, a hint of confidence at the fact he was continuously proving his interest in what you did. You’d asked him something similar before and you recalled the way he had frozen in the library, not answering you and getting tense at the way you’d called him out.

He didn’t react as extremely now, his face keeping that small smirk as he looked down at you like he had expected you to question his behavior. You were confused by his silence until you realized one of his hands had left your body, only noticing when you felt his fingers playing with the bottom of your skirt. He wasn’t lifting it or moving it at all, just gently guiding his hand alongside the seam and watching you.

Your eyes were wide as you looked at him, feeling strangely vulnerable and nervous as he started to toe a line that you didn’t expect him to even consider crossing. The light flirting was already strange of him but now you could feel his rough knuckles accidentally connecting with the smooth skin of your bare thigh.

“You want me to stop?” He was pausing to whisper once he noticed your panicked expression, eyebrow raising as he studied your face for any sign of rejection or hesitance.

You thought about it carefully for a few seconds, wondering if you were still upset with him enough to tell him to knock it off and then be left to awkwardly stand here until the professor left and you could sneak out. He’d infuriated you since you’d met but you also never denied finding him attractive, especially when he was barely inches from your face and throwing you casual compliments like it was something he’d done before.

When you were softly shaking your head, signaling you didn’t want him to quit whatever he was planning to do, he still waited a few seconds before he was moving his hand again.

You gasped softly at the fact he’d moved it off the hem of your skirt, instead going underneath it and pushing it up more so it was settled in the middle of your stomach and he could grab your side again without having the fabric in the way. You were suddenly glad it was dark because you knew that it was raised enough that it would leave your bottom half completely exposed, the skirt already barely coming up mid thigh and definitely now revealing your underwear that it was pushed so high up on your body.

He paused at the noise you had made, looking like he was thinking for a few seconds before he was using his other hand to cover your mouth and give you that same warning look that commanded you to keep quiet.

You nodded against his firm grip but another squeak came out of you when he was squeezing your side, his hand so big that it covered your entire hip and one of his fingers was caressing dangerously over the elastic of your underwear. He pulled your lower half closer to his again with a small grunt and you watched his expression through your eyelashes as he touched you so carelessly.

His eyes were meeting yours when his hand dipped under the strap on your hip, waiting for you to give a small nod of permission before he was slowly pulling your panties down your body and shifting again so you could rest on top of his sturdy leg.

You made a small cry at the contact, practically sitting on his thigh now completely bare and you could feel his hand continuously stroking up and down the outside of your leg, almost transfixed by the feeling of how smooth your skin was. Your arms were coming back up to hold onto his shoulders so you didn’t have to completely press yourself onto his pants and you suddenly felt embarrassed by how exposed you were.

He looked slightly frustrated for a second and you realized it was because he only had one hand available, still covering your mouth with the other one. You reached up to grab his wrist and remove it, bringing it down to place it against your waist and flushing at the slightly surprised look he was giving you at the bold action.

“If I get loud; kiss me.” You were whispering into his ear suddenly and you could feel him tense at the idea, not sure if he was interested in the thought of it or against doing something so intimate. Either way, he didn’t object verbally and just used his two hands to slowly lower you back down onto his clothed leg.

“Anyone ever touched you before?” He was asking suddenly, glancing at your face with a hard expression and waiting for you to respond. One of his hands was caressing your thigh now, getting closer to your core every time he rubbed it and another shutter ran through you at his low tone and the implication that he was planning on touching you.

“Not there.” You were whispering back and shaking your head, squeezing his shoulder in anticipation and feeling a bit dizzy from the sudden rush of want you felt towards him.

“Tell me where.” His face was still hard as he watched you and for a second you thought he sounded a little jealous at the fact somebody had touched you before, his hand squeezing your side almost painfully and pulling you higher up on his leg.

“Just… just when kissing. H-he was… like.” Your face was completely flushed as you tried to explain to him what little experience you had, only ever having an eager high school boy carelessly grope your chest during a terrible make out session.

He seemed to assume what you were implying and you felt his hand leave your leg for a moment, sliding up under your hoodie and rubbing up your rib cage softly. You sucked in a tight breath and held eye contact with him as his hand reached your chest, tensing his grip slightly and his rough thumb ran over your nipple swiftly like he was testing your reaction.

You bucked forward a bit at the feeling, grateful you hadn’t worn anything under your hoodie but overwhelmed at the feeling of him softly kneading your chest and the fact he was staring down at you emotionless as you slowly got more and more overwhelmed.

“Did it feel good?” He was asking in a low rasp and you almost nodded, thinking he was referring to what he had just done but you paused when you realized he was talking about the other boy. “When he was touching you like this, did you like it?”

You were quickly shaking your head in denial, cringing at the memory of rough hands that didn’t actually care about you or your pleasure. Despite his tough demeanor and personality, Sunghoon’s touch was gentle although unrelenting in the way he continued to squeeze your soft skin.

“Feel good now?” He was muttering and you nodded softly, falling forward slightly against his chest at the feeling and your breath caught again at the way you accidentally pressed harder onto his leg. You were sure you were making a mess on his pants, dripping ever since he started to squeeze your sides and whisper into your ear and you felt embarrassed at the fact he’d surely see it later once you were out of the dark. “Say it.”

“Feels good.” You were quickly repeating, instinctively following his order when you heard how serious his voice was and you imagined he would’ve teased you for listening to him so obediently if you weren’t having to make as little noise as possible.

Speaking of noise, it was becoming an issue for you pretty quickly, especially as his hands went back under your skirt to help you shift your hips against his leg. Between the feeling of him underneath you and his big hands holding your hips tightly. He seemed to take notice of your struggle and he paused to watch you for a second, looking like he was conflicted.

You were about to ask him what was wrong, worried by the sudden apprehension on his face before he was abruptly leaning his head down to kiss you.

You froze in surprise for a second before quickly kissing him back, suddenly overwhelmed with the realization that you really wanted to kiss him. You’d tried not to think about it before, pushing it deep in your mind but he seemed just as desperate in the way his hands were moving again and cupping your face gently.

You both seemed to forget about the fact you were currently sat on his thigh, lost in the kiss and moving against each other at a fast and intense pace. The tension that was in the air felt like it had burst, completely mesmerized by the feeling of kissing him so deeply and you felt less worried about how intimate it felt considering he was keeping your face tight against his.

He leaned back a bit to catch his breath, staring down at you with a strange look in his eyes and you yelped slightly when he was suddenly moving his leg so it was back on the ground. You weren’t pressed against him anymore and you were confused when he suddenly fixed your skirt to cover you up again, thinking he had changed his mind and was stopping.

To your surprise, he was standing back up after helping you get dressed and he stared at you for a few seconds with a wild expression before he was eagerly pulling you back into a kiss. His hands were cupping under your thighs to pull you up higher and you made a small noise into his mouth with how desperately he was kissing you, almost bordering on romantic if you didn’t know any better.

But you did know better so you were slightly confused and thrown off by the way he was licking into your mouth like it was something he craved, holding you against him like he was scared you’d disappear if he didn’t keep a tight enough grip.

You were thinking of pulling back and asking him when you heard the sound of the classroom door slamming shut, both of you jumping in place and freezing. You’d almost completely forgotten you were even in your current situation, so focused on Sunghoon and his touch.

You were glancing back at him to see his reaction but his face was hard again and his hand was coming up to touch his swollen lips for a second before he was shaking his head, almost to himself, and pushing the door open. You were worried for a second that the teacher might still be there but you quickly realized the room was empty when Sunghoon continued to step further into it, offering you a glance back over his shoulder when you didn’t follow.

Still in a daze in the closet, you watched him in confusion. You didn’t understand the switch in his demeanor, his shoulders tense and his eyebrows furrowed as he glared at you like you were somehow the one being confusing.

Eventually, you stumbled out of the closet and attempted to smooth out your hair that he had completely messed up with his touchy hands and eager movements. He was just watching you and you saw him touch his lips again, your own turning down into a frown at the upset look on his face.

You figured you had been right and he didn’t want to kiss you, only doing it to keep you quiet and now regretting it. This confused you considering how into it he had seemed to be, more passionate and desperate than you ever thought he could get and the heavy look on his face when he pulled back to look at you, but you weren’t sure why else he would be so upset now.

“Sunghoon.” You started to say and he tensed at the sound of his name at your regular volume, not used to you calling him anything other than his last name. He was raising a hand to cut you off and you paused.

“Think of that as my apology.” He was saying in a stern and emotionless tone, not looking at you anymore as he spoke.

You felt your stomach turn in a different way this time, heart aching for some reason at the fact he had completely dismissed what had just happened and was implying he’d only done it as a way to say sorry to you. You stood there and stared at him in disbelief, not bothering to mask your expression or how much he had just hurt your feelings.

“Why would you say that?” You forced out, voice weak and you felt embarrassed at how obviously affected you were. He glanced at you at the sound of your voice but then immediately was clenching his jaw and looking at the floor.

He was shaking his head for a second before turning to leave out the door, leaving you standing there alone and trying to bring yourself back to reality. You felt dizzy from the sudden switch of emotion from him and the crash back down from your shared high, feeling like you were very much in need of a hot shower.

——

“You did what?”

You were sat in Jungwon’s dorm, his roommate having went home for some family emergency and leaving it vacant other than your friend. You’d made your way over there as soon as you left the school, not bothering to call first or go to your own room.

He’d swung open the door at the sound of your heavy banging, face coated with worry when he saw it was you and you quickly blurted out what had happened. It wasn’t Jungwon’s voice that was exclaiming however and you sighed when you looked over his shoulder to see your other best friend sat on his bed, jaw dropped wide as he paused mid pizza bite.

You stared at the two of them for a second before bursting into tears, falling forward into Jungwon’s arms and hearing the soft sigh he let out as he pet your head softly.

He gently led you inside and closed the door behind you in case anybody was feeling nosy, sitting you on the bed beside Riki and pulling his desk chair up so he could be near the two of you. You laid your head on your youngest friends shoulder and sniffled softly with a large frown on your face, embarrassed and confused.

“You hooked up with Park Sunghoon?” Jungwon was saying it slowly, like he was making sure he heard you right and you nodded softly in confirmation. “In a broom closet..?”

“What does hooked up even mean?” Riki was asking from beside you and you groaned at the fact he was there, trusting him completely but you came to Jungwon for actual advice and you knew Riki wouldn’t take it serious enough to offer any. “Like you lost your virginity? Can you even do that in a closet?”

“I’m not giving you the details idiot.” You glared at him after picking your head up from his shoulder, shoving his arm and ignoring the complaining groan he let out. “But we kissed and then he got all weird and just ran out, he said it was just his way of apologizing.”

Both the boys went silent after that and Jungwon gave Riki a loaded stare, looking back at your face and then to the other boy again and cocking an eyebrow. Your frustration grew as you watched them silently communicate something you didn’t understand, throwing your hands up in upset until their attention was back on you.

“In words please.” You exclaimed loudly and Jungwon sighed softly before leaning forward so his elbows were on his knees.

“Is there any chance he could like you?” He was asking and you were thrown off by how serious he sounded, even more so considering what he was suggesting. Your face flushed and you quickly shook your head in denial, not understanding where he would be getting that from.

“If I kissed a girl that I liked, that I was supposed to hate because that’s like my whole thing, I’d probably run out of a closet too.” Riki was adding on from beside you like it was an obvious thing and common knowledge and you gave him a bewildered look. He shrugged softly and patted you on the back. “I’m just saying.”

“That’s ridiculous.” You were mumbling but their words made you have a weird feeling, thinking about how intensely Sunghoon had kissed you. He’d completely abandoned the idea of touching you just so he could focus on kissing you gently, far more intimate and romantic than you’d expected from him.

Still, it didn’t make any sense to you that he would have feelings towards you. He’d never been kind to you and you weren’t young immature kids, you didn’t consider teasing and making your day harder a form of flirting and you were sure Sunghoon thought similarly to you.

You left them alone to head back to your dorm after hanging in Jungwon’s for a few more hours, making them both pinky promise to not bring up Park Sunghoon or anything that had happened revolving him.

You were only halfway through the campus back to your room, the sun having set at some point during your hysterical rantings to your friends and you were relying on the street lights on either side of the sidewalk to guide you home, when your phone was ringing inside of your hoodie pocket. The vibration tingled against your stomach and you flushed for a second as you remembered the situation that had resulted from said phone before you were pulling it out.

The name on the screen made you stop in your slow pace, faltering to a stop before you were completely stood still and holding the device up to your ear.

“Hello?” Their was a sharp question in your voice, not expecting him to reach out at all let alone so soon after what had happened but there was nothing but static on the other side. “Sunghoon? Park? Are you there.. I don’t have time for this.”

“My cousins keeper… ever the busy woman.” The voice on the other side was slowly crackling through and your blood ran cold at the realization it wasn’t Sunghoon, the voice slightly less familiar but still recognizable to you considering your previous interaction had been replaying in your mind.

“Why do you have his phone?” You were spitting suddenly and your stomach turned with worry for some unknown reason.

You didn’t know if Heeseung was the type to actually hurt somebody, especially his own family member but you also didn’t necessarily have a lot of faith in him and his questionable morals.

He was sighing over the speaker and not speaking again for a few heavy breaths, seemingly weirdly reluctant to talk to you despite being the one to dial your number in the first place. At one point you were pulling the phone off your ear to look at it in confusion, almost thinking he had hung up with how silent it had gotten.

“I need somewhere to bring him for the night.” He was causing you to jump when he was suddenly talking again and your eyebrows furrowed despite him not being able to see you.

“What? What the hell are you talking about?” You were starting to speed walk back to your dorm now that you’d started to understand the situation, practically jogging through the buildings with your stomach twisting in panic and anxiety at the thought of Sunghoon being in so much trouble he couldn’t pick up the phone and call you himself.

The line was silent for a few seconds before you heard the sound of the call ending, pulling it off your ear again to glance at your screen quickly and letting out a screamed curse at the fact he had hung up.

You still didn’t slow down despite not understanding what was even happening, why you felt the overwhelming urge to return back to your dorm but as you rounded the final corner you understood what the strange feeling in your gut was. You faltered in your step when you saw the body slumped in front of your door, knowing who it was without having to get closer and confirm.

“Oh no, no no.” You repeated a soft mantra of upset as you darted over to Sunghoon, dropping to your knees once you were near him and your hands reached out to grab him before stopping.

You didn’t want to hurt him and he let out a small groan that indicated you would if you touched him, hands hovering over his body and looking around frankly in case his cousin was still lingering around somewhere.

You didn’t see any signs of anybody but you knew Sunghoon couldn’t have been laying there long and they could be just off in the distance, watching you to see what you would do with the boy laying on your welcome mat. Your frown was deep as you finally grabbed on to him, ignoring his mumbled complaints and attempts to swat you away.

It took you a long time to manage to drag him inside, almost contemplating calling your friends for help before realizing what a terrible idea dragging them into this would be.

Eventually, you had him inside on the floor and you hands came up to frantically run through your hair in panic. You weren’t sure what you were meant to do, scanning over his frame to try and determine if he was injured enough to go to the hospital but you couldn’t see the extent of the damage through his layers and you paused as you watched him.

“Park.” You were kneeling back down beside him on your floor and whispering softly, nudging his shoulder with your hand and letting out a sigh of relief when he made a small noise of complaint. “Okay good, at least you’re alive.”

“Are you disappointed?” He was suddenly forcing out and you jumped away from his body in shock, clutching your chest at the unexpected sound of his croaking voice.

His head turned slowly in your direction at the sound of your shocked scream and you took a few seconds to try and catch your breath before you were frowning and leaning forward to shove his arm softly. He let out a loud groan at the feeling of you scolding him but you ignored it and furrowed your eyebrows.

“You idiot, I thought you had a concussion or something.” You spat out at him and you thought you saw his lip curl up for a second in amusement.

“Don’t be so sure I don’t.” He retorted with a wince and you noted his slurred words, leaning in to try and see if you smell alcohol on him. “Trust me, if I was drunk it wouldn’t hurt this bad.”

“What the fuck happened to you Park?” You were mumbling, still leaning over him on your floor and scanning his face to make sure he wasn’t going to lose consciousness mid conversation. You’d definitely have to take him to the hospital if that was the case, still highly considering it judging by how out of it he sounded.

“Family stuff.” He was answering after a prolonged silence and your frown deepened at the confusing implications, reminding yourself to question him more thoroughly later on. “Did I worry you?”

“By showing up at my door like a corpse? Yeah slightly.” You scoffed as you answered him and his lips curled up more, border-lining on the first actual smile you’d seen from him.

“You weren’t home.” He said after a few beats and his voice suddenly went serious again, soft and almost whining at the fact you hadn’t been here when he first arrived. You figured he was only acting this way because he was out of it and not thinking clearly, his hand extending in your direction and twitching a few times being more proof behind that thought.

You stared at it before eventually giving in and taking it in yours gently, feeling the way he immediately squeezed them together in relief and your frown deepened as he looked at you again.

“You always look so sad around me.” He was continuing on and his eyes were going in all directions around your face, having trouble focusing on any specific part. His voice was weirdly saddened and your heart thumped uncomfortably at the fact he was lacking a filter currently. “Not anyone else, with them you’re smiling and laughing. Just around me.”

You didn’t answer him for a while, because you honestly weren’t sure how. You’d become accustomed to that sort of dynamic with him, assuming from the get go that he was no good and out to get you at all times. You hadn’t necessarily considered that your change of behavior with solely him would upset him at all, causing his lips to turn down in a frown.

You’d said before that you never found him particularly mean, just prone to causing unnecessary stress on you and disrupting your typically perfect schedule in a way that caused you to react before you thought.

“I’m not sad around you.” You were eventually saying softly and you found yourself meaning what you said, squeezing his hand and using your free one to push some of his hair out of his face. “You just confuse me.”

He looked like he wanted to say something but his mouth closed after a few seconds and he just gave a small nod, closing his eyes again. For a moment you thought he had fallen asleep before he was suddenly attempting to sit up, catching you by surprise.

You helped him maneuver his way over to your small dorm bed, taking off his shoes once he was laying down and trying not to think about how strange it was to see him in such a familiar space. Not to mention, the relaxed state he was in as he laid back against your pillows and breathed out a sigh of relief once he caught a hint of your scent.

It was hard not to laugh as you watched him, biting your lip to hold it in but occasionally offering him small chuckles when he kept glancing at you with a drunken look on his pretty face. It made your stomach turn to see the bruised adorning said face, his lip cracked and bleeding slightly and you could tell other areas were going to swell after a few more hours.

You wished he was conscious enough for you to ask him what had happened in more detail but you figured he wouldn’t answer you regardless.

His breathing slowly evened out after a few minutes of you trying to get him as comfortable as possible, bringing a cup of water and pain killers to your bedside for him to take as soon as he woke up. You watched him carefully after he finally dozed off and you considered laying on the floor for a moment before you sighed and climbed into bed beside him, figuring it was the least he could allow considering he had shown up on your doorstep so late after running out on you.

“Night Park.” You were mumbling it more to yourself, curling over on your side and trying to avoid touching him as much as possible, letting yourself drift off to sleep.

——

You woke up in a panic at the realization somebody was wrapped around you, completely forgetting your current situation.

You only calmed down when you heard him softly groan in protest, feeling his big hand that was currently thrown over your side, squeeze softly to try and remind you that it was just him in your bed.

Just Park Sunghoon in your bed… half asleep with his arm wrapped around your stomach only a few hours after you’d had an intense make out session in a broom closet. You laid back flat and held your breath as you considered getting out of bed to avoid his touch, stopping when you realized his breathing was quieter now and your abrupt wake up had also taken him out of his deep sleep.

“Sorry.” You mumbled, shifting uncomfortably at the feeling of his fingers flexing against your skin. Your shirt had ridden up in the night and he could feel your warm skin underneath his rough palm.

“It’s okay.” He was whispering back and you felt a bit dizzy at how close his voice was to you, his breath fanning across your neck. You waited for him to remove his hand now that he was more alert, but quickly realized he didn’t plan to when his thumb gently swiped over your hip bone. “I’m sorry too.”

You hadn’t expected to hear the words from him, not sure if he was talking about being dropped off here and interrupting your night or about what had happened in the classroom. You didn’t want to question him, hoping it applied to both and that he genuinely meant it.

He was taking a deep breath when you shifted carefully backwards, letting his chest hit your back and feeling your heart race when his hand was sliding forward to rest gently over your stomach. You were spooning now, far more intimate than you’d foreseen the two of you ever being but you wanted to somehow communicate your forgiveness to him without having to voice it.

“You remember anything?” You asked him carefully, not sure if it was too early to cross that line yet or if he was expecting it.

“Just you.” He whispered back and the words felt heavy, his chest vibrating against your back and your mouth downturned instinctively at the hidden meaning there.

You didn’t think it was completely morning yet, that weird time of the night where the room turned a soft shade of blue and you could hear the birds outside the small room starting to chirp and move around. You and Sunghoon laid in silence for a while but you could tell he hadn’t fallen back to sleep, his thumb still gently caressing your skin as he took deep painful breaths.

“Should we go to the hospital?” You were whispering after a while, voice soft against the silence and you hoped the inclusion of yourself in this scenario didn’t pass by him unnoticed.

“Not yet.” His voice was low and hoarse but it had more emotion than it normally did, sounding almost desperate, like he was asking your permission to stay here in this moment with you. “Let’s just stay here a little longer, just like this.”

His words were heavy again and you weren’t a stranger to the fact that you had a lot of talking to do, healing from the strange back and forth and multiple conversations that would definitely be somewhat uncomfortable. All this was weighing on you for a second after he said it, finding it more in your comfort zone to immediately tackle and issue and find a plausible solution.

You let this habit and anxiety fade away the best you could, understanding that there was time for that later and you didn’t need to pop the bubble you were currently in with him.

Right now, you could be nothing but two people laying together. You could turn off the words of your friends about his hidden feelings for you, set aside his injuries and your longing to understand what exactly had caused them. You didn’t need to be enemies or friends who didn’t communicate to each other properly, you didn’t need to be the person he left behind in the classroom and he didn’t need to wonder why you never looked carefree around him.

For now you could just lay here together and listen to the sound of his breathing, feel it brush against your neck almost in sync with his gentle touch.

For now you could just be.

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munsonsduchess · 11 months

Text

Monster Smash

summary: you meet eddie at a house party and the night takes an unexpected turn warnings: underage drinking, recreational drug use (weed), face sitting, oral (f receiving), semi public sex (eddie and the reader are in a room at a frat house during a party) w/c: 977 a/n: surprise bitch! another halloween fic! honestly with the amount of ghostface content on tiktok these days it was kind of inevitable we'd end up here, i was originally just going to post the other halloween fic but this one wouldn't leave me alone

It was Halloween and you were having the worst time. You didn’t know anyone at this party your roommate had dragged you to, citing that you needed to get out more, the drinks were shit, the music was shit, honestly you were tempted to just sneak out the back door of this frat house and claim you’d met somebody if your roommate asked the next day.

You sighed and took another drink from your lukewarm beer and pulled at the hem of the black dress you were wearing. Usually you didn’t feel self conscious in the things you picked for yourself but being, less petite, than some of your peers and wearing something your roommate had picked out so you could both wear matching costumes (you got to be the bad witch) in a room full of obnoxious frat bros made you feel slightly … less confident than normal.

You were about to cut and run when a guy appeared in front of you wearing a Ghostface Costume,

“What’s your favourite scary movie?”

“The Exorcist, 1973. A masterpiece in horror cinema” you responded without thinking. You hadn’t actually expected anyone to talk to you, after being basically ignored all night

“That’s, yeah that’s a really good pick” the guy pulled his mask off and you found yourself looking into the face of the local weed guy, Eddie Munson.

Everyone you knew, yourself included, bought their weed from Eddie. His stuff was guaranteed to be the best and not laced with anything it shouldn’t be,

“It’s the line from the homeless guy in the subway ‘can you help an old altar boy father’ and then later on when they’re in Regan’s bedroom and she says the same thing in the same voice. Chills. Literal chills”

“Such a good movie. They don’t make movies like that anymore, y’know? Halloween, Texas Chainsaw Massacre, Rosemary’s Baby”

“Have you seen X? Or Pearl? They have the same kinda vibes but are totally modern movies”

“I’ve seen X. Massive Texas Chainsaw vibes”

“Right!”

You ended up finding a quiet corner with Eddie where the two of you could talk about horror movies for the rest of the evening. You’d honestly never really found anyone who loved horror the way you did so it was amazing to be able to vibe with someone like this.

⊱ ────── {.⋅ 👻 ⋅.} ───── ⊰

The party raged on into the wee hours and by now both you and Eddie were feeling the effects of the beer and few joints you’d shared. You were feeling pleasantly buzzed and enjoying the attention of an attractive man, even if it wouldn’t go anywhere.

“It’s so cool that you’re into horror, most people get freaked out or maybe enjoy those like conjuring movies”

“Ugh. The Warrens are the absolute worst, by all accounts they just scam people and then use their stories to write books and make more money” you gestured widely around the room, “how fucked is that?”

“Totally fucked” Eddie agreed

“You know I almost didn’t come tonight but my roommate kinda forced me to”

“Remind me to send your roommate a fruit basket or something as thanks then” Eddie said, “cause this is definitely a way better night than I thought it was gonna be”

“It’s so cool to meet a friend tonight” you agreed, “but aren’t you like ‘working’ the party?”

Eddie laughed and you had to admit you loved the sound. You wondered if he would want to still be friends after the party was over,

“You’re cute. I mean sure it’s great talking like this but honestly, I saw you standing on your own and seriously couldn’t understand why cause just the sight of you in that dress had all the blood in my body run south. I mean, the fact that you’re awesome on top of being drop dead hot is a bonus”

Your brain short circuited for a moment and you couldn’t quite believe what you were hearing,

“So, you wanna get a room?”

“Absolutely I do”

Eddie smirked wickedly at you before helping you off the couch and pulling you behind him to the main staircase and along a corridor to an empty room.

⊱ ────── {.⋅ 👻 ⋅.} ───── ⊰

“Sit on my face, come on” Eddie grinned at you, taking one of your hands and pulling you towards the bed.

You followed the tug and threw one leg over the bed and balanced on your knees. Before you could even try to think about how much weight to bear down you felt Eddie grab your hips and pull you down onto his face forcefully.

There was no way you could focus on anything but the way Eddie licked into you hungrily. His hands on your hips dug into the flesh there and you threw your head back with the intense feelings, moaning loudly.

“Oh my god Eddie”

Beneath you Eddie made a muffled noise which you assumed was positive since he didn’t stop what he was doing for even a moment.

You wondered briefly how he could breathe but the thought left your mind as quickly as it had arrived when Eddie’s nose brushed against your clit and you saw stars.

Eddie continued to suck and lick you through your orgasm and the aftershocks, the oversensitivity made you want to pull away but Eddie held you firm coaxing yet another orgasm from you until your legs began to shake. Only then did he allow you to pull away and catch your breath,

“Holy shit” you panted, trying to regain some of your self control,

“That’s only the warm up act baby. It’s just you and me and no one is gonna hear you when you scream my name as loud as you want to”

This was definitely a way better night than you’d thought it would be when your roommate forced you out tonight.

After all what was Halloween without a few screams?

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gigigle · 6 months

Text

I really hate how ursa is done in the comics idk

Like I'm done with the arranged marriage and her and ikem but I hate the other stuff.

1. Her and azula

I kinda wish they made her and azulas relationship more complex and nuanced instead of it being that ursa loved her all along and never favored zuko

Because I just think that's a little lazy. I feel like if ursa had favored zuko it would've made sense like if we keep the ikem part of all of it then I think it would be interesting that ursa favored zuko because he reminded her of her past and ikem. Also that with zuko she could at least pretend he wasn't ozais.

But with azula she couldn't pretend at all. And then coupled that with the fact that azula had a spark in her eyes that zuko didn't and she saw how ozai reacted to that and how he treated zuko that she would feel like she would need to protect him even more. I think it would be an interesting thing if zuko reminded her of her old life while azula reminded her of her present life.

And that would cause a rift between them. And then we would have azula acting out for her mothers attention and acting more and more similar to ozai which would just further increase the rift. Because ursa would struggle to separate her daughter from her abuser like she can with zuko. Especially since azula would also spend most of her time learning from ozai and listening to him.

Im also not saying she would a horrible mother either. Because I think even with this scenario that she is still nuanced because she got forced into a situation she would have never chosen and is just trying to get through it day by day. I think it would be that like ursa, azula was just a casualty of azulon and especially of ozai. Because had ozai not been there I think she would have been a much better mother.

Like idk I just feel like with how the comics wrote ursa and ozais relationship this would make even more sense than her being just a slightly flawed mother but she was trying her best. Idk I'm not very articulate.

2. The forgetting thing

It sucks. I hate it so much actually. It's just so bad, like I feel like the writer couldn't think of anyway to make it make sense that ursa would never go back to her kids but tbh I can think of some ways.

Like ursa is definitely terrified of ozai and he knows where she went and she would still go back to her hometown.

So maybe ozai knows this and every now and then he sends soldiers around there to just do a bit of patrol maybe even have them raid her parents house as a way of telling ursa that if she does something her parents and ikem are gonna be the price. Which I think would work.

Also I think with azula and zuko that she just kept telling herself that zuko had Iroh and that azula was ozais favorite. She probably just repeated those constantly like how zuko does with azula always lies. And soon after like a year she believed it.

Also I think she wouldn't get any information on them because ozai would make it harder and like we see in canon not that many know of or recognize azula and zuko. Like in the beach episode kids who seem to have noble parents don't even know about them so I think it would make a lot of sense that the royal family is way way way more private esp during ozais reign. Because yk ozai killed his father,stole his brothers birthright, and In ozais opinion had a failure of a first born. And maybe ursa was also too terrified of what shed find out or just to leave hir'a/her hometown.

Also part of me thinks it was lazy writing so that they wouldn't have to have ursa have difficult conversations about why she never went looking for them or just a conversation with azula because we never actually get a real ursa and azula convo.

3. Kiyi

I hate her. Like she just feels like such a a replacement and lazy writing. Like they wanted zuko to have a healthy brother sister dynamic with someone and they didn't know how,didn't think of, or just didn't want to write that with pre established characters, they decided to make a character that was everything azula wasn't and was the perfect little sister and daughter.

Like I think she could be fun but I also think she was just so that zuko could have that dynamic without having to put in the work of writing azula a semi redemption arc or smth.

But also I think maybe they could've given zuko that brother sister dynamic with katara or toph. Like we see zuko jealous of sokka and katara and maybe we get stuff we're zuko and katara will act like sibling or like the relationship he always wanted with azula but then gets reminded that he can't have that.

Also It feels like a way to also give ursa the perfect daughter but I do think rewritten she could work. I think she's a fun concept.

End

Tbh I just wanted to rant because I feel like so much was done that was just kinda boring and lazy.

#avatar the last airbender #atla #azula #azula in the spirit temple #uncle iroh #zuko #the search #smoke and shadow #fire lord ozai #ikem #not ursa slander #ursa #avatar comics

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sequs-art-box · 4 days

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give me ALL your Anger headcanons,,

You sure you want that? Okay.....

• Has a high pain tolerance. The most you'd get with a punch to his stomach is a small grunt. Nothing more.

• Continuing the tolerance thing, he has extremely high spice tolerance as well. Maybe to the point of not having capsaicin sensors at all. That'd be so funny honestly..

• Cold Take: Anger is Gay and Ace.

• SLIGHTLY WARM Take: He's Biromantic and Ace.

• Physically strong. Even more than Embarrassment. He could have broken through his grip no problem. Do you SEE my vision.

• Completely immune to lava (this is kinda canon already but I don't care >:>)

• Emits heat, even when he's not super angry. The other emotions use him as their personal heater- similar to Baymax in that one scene- during the winter.

• Has woken up the other emotions due to a bad dream many times. Surprisingly enough, his fire extinguisher hasn't been used yet.

• Anger is Joy's second in command.

• One kind of pain he can't tolerate are migraines (totally not projecting)

• I've mentioned this before but I like to think Anger is really good at making the others feel better, whether if it's about themselves or about how they work (gestures to the scene where he comforts Joy)

• Used to sleep with a tank top on but took it off after finding out going shirtless was way more comfortable

• Likes generally hardcore sounding music, but he doesn't mind some relaxing genres too. He ain't afraid to admit that either. He can listen to whatever the fuck he wants.

• Didn't like tea until Fear made him try it (Fear didn't like coffee until Anger made him try it)

• Doesn't have good handwriting. It's not too bad but Joy, Fear, and Anxiety wished he slowed down and wrote a little better.

• Anger is actually a very organized emotion, at least with the stuff he cares about.

• Cheeks turn cherry red when he's flustered (think of it like an opposite reaction to his orange cheeks when he's angry)

• After the events of the first movie, Anger had to *really* learn to control himself. That work definitely paid off by the second movie.

• He's actually not that bad of a dancer, yall just don't give him enough time to practice.

• Tends to babysit Envy a LOT. Says he doesn't like it but he's 100% a father figure to her now. Sorry, no takebacksies.

• PEOPLE THINK THIS MF CANT RUN OR SOME SHIT but he keeps up with the others just fine in the second movie. Dude literally works out every day how can he NOT.

• MY Anger is a good singer, but OG Anger isn't. Sorry bud. I can't see (hear) it.

• He is textbook "act now think later"

• Unintentionally an early bird. Often the first to wake up cause he needs to get shit done.

• The console was made with very durable material, specifically to withstand Ange's outbursts.

• He may be the "youngest" of the original five, but he acts like the oldest.

• Anger's love languages are quality time and acts of service.

• He was the first one to be brought down to the Belief System.

• Despite having a high spice tolerance, he's more of a savory/sweet guy.

• I love to think that Anger is unintentionally charming.... Giving him a high rizz score here. Sorry not sorry.

• Extremely protective of the other emotions. Doesn't show this side often, but when it matters, he'd fight till he fades from existence for them.

• Tried to learn origami with Joy but he kept burning the paper.

• Likes Western dragons more than Eastern dragons, he finds all kinda super interesting though.

• Owns multiple ties with the same design (this can be said about the other emotions too)

• If I were to give him an instrument, he's totally rock an electric bass, or any low sounding instrument.

• Anger is a dog person.

• Looks SUPER good with blue and black clothing. He should wear it more often.

• When he can't show affection to someone, he just punches them (toph from atla core LOL)

• Some positive aspects of his character: Loyal, compassionate, ambitious, and confident.

● Stopped reading the Mind Reader newspapers because they lost their journalistic integrity.

• I will edit this with more headcanons in the future. Enjoy this for now :))

#inside out #inside out 2 #inside out anger #ask #not art #headcanons

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vanoilette · 11 months

Text

𖦹 synopsis. main four w sick reader ! — how they act when your sick.

disclaimers. swearing, slightly suggestive, cartman being a jew hater

notes. i have really bad allergies at the moment so i came up with the idea for this one !!

eric cartman.

he kinda forgot you could get sick.

but you did, whether it was bad allergies, the flu, any kind of sickness at all.

hes Cartman, like i’ve said time and time before.

so he pretends like he doesn’t care, but your health is a priority to him.

“What do you mean you can’t come to watch Terrance and Phillip with me today? Why the hell not?”

“Eric, Im sick.”

“So what?”

genuinely gets disappointed and mad that you cant, and or wont come over.

pretty much is more agitated than he already is for the rest of the day towards everyone who speaks to him besides you, especially towards kahl.

“Shut up you stupid jew.”

If your sick for more than a day or two, he’ll just come over to your house because frankly—hes just a bit too dependent on your company.

But he’ll be so dramatic if you cough or sneeze around him.

“Oh my god ..i..i think i’m dying, your spreading your illness!”

You literally just sneezed next to him.

He acts like your both sick or something.

kenny mccormick.

kenny’s died, gotten sick, etc. multiple times before.

although, unlike him. You actually stayed home, being sick, resting. instead of being in the freezing cold snow like everyone else.

kenny does all of the above when hes sick instead of resting, no wonder.

“Wait .. why can’t you come outside?”

“Because, im sick, kenneth.”

“..But you can still walk.”

that aside, he does try his best to take care of you.

despite all the risks of doing it, he still lays down next to you, cuddles you, sleeps beside you.

and most definitely tries to kiss you.

And he just chills with you, maybe make you soup, soup at your house of course.

He doesn’t have alot of money to help you to be honest.

But he did steal something on the account of you were feeling 10x more horrible and he had to snatch some medicine for you.

Personally? Hes like butters when it comes to a relationship.

Both of the two act like golden retriever type of boyfriends, but thats just in my opinion.

kyle broflovski.

lord.

he acts like a mom.

He dropped everything as soon as you texted him and just came over to your house to take care of you immediately.

“Are you okay dude??”

“I just have allergies.”

“I bet thats what dead people thought too.”

“What the fuck kyle.”

Makes you food, kisses you, (on the cheek), and is just very present during the whole thing, hes like this even when your not sick anyways.

Pretty much is like Kenny, both want to be there for you.

He tries to make you feel better in any way he can.

Yes, any way, take that in whatever way you want.

So sweet though, and treats you so well the entire time.

You got better after a bit, thankfully.

stan marsh.

You had the unfortunate luck of getting sick while Stan and his family were out on a “family road trip.”

He felt so bad.

Called you the entire time just to make sure you were okay.

“Babe, im so sorry, i didn’t even wanna come anyways.”

he didn’t want to be there, though your voice and presence made the trip slightly more bearable.

Things got a little more .. intimate over the phone, but i’ll make a separate part on that later, or later.

Especially on the drive over, and back, was hell; to him atleast.

He had to get off the phone at some point because his parents said it was “family time”

And he did, respectfully and reluctantly.

In the end, as always. You got better.

#findingjuliet #southpark #eric cartman headcanons #eric cartman #eric cartman x reader #kenny mcormick x reader #kenny mcormick headcanons #kenny mccormick #kyle broflovski x reader #kyle broflovski headcanons #kyle broflovski #stan marsh x reader #stan marsh headcanons #stan marsh

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ginax0916 · 1 year

Text

𝐃𝐞𝐬𝐩𝐞𝐫𝐚𝐭𝐞

𝐀𝐧𝐚𝐤𝐢𝐧 𝐒𝐤𝐲𝐰𝐚𝐥𝐤𝐞𝐞 𝐱 𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐞𝐫

𝐒𝐡𝐞/𝐇𝐞𝐫 𝐩𝐫𝐨𝐧𝐨𝐮𝐧𝐬 𝐮𝐬𝐞𝐝

𝟏.𝟔𝐤 𝐰𝐨𝐫𝐝𝐬

✯✯✯✯✯✯✯✯✯✯✯✯✯✯✯✫✫✫✫✫✫✫

Anakins pov:

I stared hard as she walked past me in the dinning hall. My eyes burning into her back. But I can't help it. The way she just looks so pretty walking down the cafeteria. Her soft and shinny h/c swaying as she walks, her perfect smile lighting the room up, her heavenly body just looking so perfect. Everything about her made me crazy. I just want to wrap my hands around her waist and kiss her until I'm out of breath. I want her. I want her to be mine.

"Why are you looking at me like that?" She asked as she giggled and sat in front of me on the empty chair.

"N-no reason" I mentally slapped myself for stuttering like a fucking idiot.

"Mhm ok" she laughed.

Oh god that laugh. I dream about it. It's so perfect. The way her eyes slightly close as laughs escape her mouth make me fall for her even more. She's just so perfect.

"You're staring again Ani" y/n says making my cheeks burn red.

"Was I?" I stare down at the table fiddling with my fingers, worried that if I look at her again I'll start staring once more.

"Yea you are. Is something wrong?" She says while grabbing my hands in hers causing me to tense up and butterflies erupt in my stomach.

"No everything's ok I'm fine" I answer looking into her beautiful e/c eyes that shine with the glimmer of the sun that reflects off the big windows in the cafeteria.

She squeezed my hands lightly before letting go and smiling as we both continued to eat our food in a comfortable silence. I'm so mad at myself for falling for her so hard, but I can't help it. We've been best friends since the day we both arrived at the temple as younglings. We were both walking down the same hallway when she dropped the coloured pencils she was holding and they rolled all over the place. I went over to her and helped her pick them up.

"Thank you for helping me" she said as she zipped the little bag that contained all the little pencils.

"No problem. I'm Anakin by the way" I said stretching my hand out to shake hers.

"I'm y/n" she smiled shaking my hand.

Since that day we've been best friends ever since. Inseparable I would say. We do everything together. But what she doesn't know is that I caught feelings for her as time went by. I've had a huge crush on her for 3 years already. But I just don't have the courage to say anything about it. Some of my other friends say she definitely likes me back but I just don't believe them. There's no way a girl like her would like someone like me. She's beautiful. She's even more than beautiful there are no words to describe how gorgeous she is.

"Anakin! Hello?!" Y/n said loudly.

"I'm sorry I zoned out, what'd you say?" I answered making eye contact with her.

"I asked you if you wanted to go walk around the gardens with me." She fluttered her eyelashes making me go crazy.

"O-oh uh yea yea of course" I stuttered out.

"You're acting weird are you sure everything's ok?"

"Uh actually I'm a little tired so I'm gonna go to my room and take a shower or something uh I'll see you at the gardens in a couple of minutes" I replied unable to make eye contact with her any longer.

"Oh um ok hope you feel better. I'll see you there" y/n said as she sat there looking confused while I walked away. I felt kinda bad leaving her just like that but I'm afraid if I stayed any longer I'd say something I shouldn't.

꧁☆꧂

I got out of the shower and sat on my bed with just my pants on with my hair still wet. I put my head in my hands and tried to think of something that wasn't y/n. So far it was going like shit. I can't get her out of my head. I'm desperate for her. I got caught out of my thoughts when I heard a soft knock on my door. I walked over and opened it seeing y/n absolutely drenched from head to toe.

"Woah what happened? Why're you all wet?" I asked her as I let her come inside my room and closed the door.

"Well I didn't know it was gonna rain today so as I was waiting for you outside it started pouring" she responded as I grabbed a spare towel from my bathroom and wrapped it around her. I could've sworn she looked down at my bare torso for a couple seconds making her eyes go wide but I could just be delusional.

"Ok how about we just stay here instead and talk how's that?" I asked her rubbing her back lightly.

"Sounds good. Thank you by the way" y/n replied as she shivered.

We both walked out into my balcony and sat on the chairs that were out there while staring out into the night sky. She then placed her head on my shoulder and moved closer to me as if she was trying to get me to hug her.

"You ok?" I asked.

"I'm cold give me a hug please" y/n replied while looking at me with those eyes that would make anyone go crazy.

I wrapped my arms around her cold body and moved her closer to me. She hid her head on the crook of my neck and stayed there quietly. I don't think she realizes what she's doing but I'm going insane.

"Hey you're shivering like crazy do you wanna take a warm shower in my bathroom?" I asked her as I feel her body shake like she's in a snow storm.

"Yes but I don't have any clothes here" she say up to look up at me.

"I can let you borrow some of mine I don't mind"

"Ok then thank you Ani" oh fuck. The nickname. The way it comes out of her pretty lips just does something to me.

I led her to my bathroom and gave her one of my hoodies and sweatpants. I put a hoodie on as well and walked over to my bed and went on my holopad to waste time. After about 10 minutes she came out. And oh my maker. Something about her wearing my clothes was doing something to me. And her damp hair oh fuck.

"Thank you by the way" y/n thanked me as she sat next to me on the bed. Her body so close to mine I felt chills go up my back.

"Y-yea no problem anytime" I look her up and down and she sat next to me.

"Ani I know something's on your mind just tell me please" she pleaded giving me puppy eyes. How the fuck do I tell my best friend I'm in love with her?

"I um- uh" I stutter not knowing how the hell to tell her.

"Come on you can tell me" y/n put her hand on my leg and inched her face closer to mine. My cheeks are probably red as rose right now.

"Y/n I uh- um I'm uh. I'm in love with you ok? And I have been for years I just didn't wanna say anything because I didn't know if you would like me back and it's fine if you don't I just need to get it out. I want you so fucking bad y/n" I practically whimpered out.

"Oh Anakin..." she said as she straddled my lap causing a groan to come out of my lips making her smile. She cupped my face with her hands and rubbed my cheek bones with her thumbs.

"You should've say something sooner Ani. I've been in love with you since the day you helped me pick up my colour pencils. I was just worried that you wouldn't like me back." Y/n said as she smiled and rested her forehead against mine and my hands resting on her hips.

I looked into her mesmerizing eyes and then down at her lips. They look so soft and pink and so kissable. Our faces centimeters apart, slowly inching closer and closer together. I can't take it anymore. I pulled her in and kissed her. The kiss was everything I dreamed of. Soft and gentle. Her lips soft and smooth like butter. But then y/n intensified it and started kissing me harder and with more passion. I cupped her cheek with one hand and my other hand moved down to rest on her ass. When she let out a surprised gasp I slipped my tongue into her mouth causing her to let out a small whimper. She played with my hair, tugging on it and twirling her fingers around it, as we made out. It was everything I could've ever dreamed of. The girl of my dreams straddling my lap with her lips on mine. She tasted like strawberries and vanilla and her lips soft like a silk blanket.

We pulled away once we were out of breath completely and just looked into each others eyes as our chests rose up and down rapidly.

"You know I've dreamed of this never thought it'd actually happen though" y/n as she changed her position and cuddled next to me resting her head on my chest.

"I dreamed of it too. Never thought it'd happen either. But I'm glad it did" I wrapped my arms around her waist pulling her closer into my side and resting my head on hers.

"I love you" y/n said tilting her head so her nervous eyes meet mine.

"I love you too" I kissed her and stayed like that for a couple seconds before pulling away and falling asleep in each others arms.

I finally have the girl I've been desperate for.

✯✯✯✯

A/N:

I haven’t posted for a while so I apologize but hope you enjoyed :)

#anakin skywalker #anakin skywalker x you #star wars #anakin x reader #y/n #the skywalker saga #fluff #ani skywalker

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shankschewtoy · 2 years

Note

Please only do if you want to, but I loved the imitating your SO a bit too much and I’m a shit stirrer. What would the other guys from One Piece do if you were imitating them? 👀

a/n - dw I’m gonna cause as much trouble as I can for you lmao- and I’m assuming ace is a good choice because of your pfp 👀 tysm for requesting! (I’m so sorry if I didn’t end up writing the character you wanted originally 😭)

Warnings ⚠️ - not proofread, g/n reader

Mocking Ace + Corazon + Luffy

Ace

- this boy is a really sweet guy! All he wants is for you to be safe and sound :)

- being the s/o of fire fist ace was pretty cool other than the fact that whenever you cuddled with him- you’d get pretty hot quickly lmao

- he gets sad whenever you have to take a break from cuddling him and turn the ac on in the summer 🥺

- “y/n come back-“

- “ace you’re really warm.. I’ll be back in five minutes ok?”

- “🥺 I need cuddles though.”

- you had to slightly laugh at your boyfriend’s cute little sad face he made

- “I need cuddles tho-“ you said, trying to make the same puppy dog eyes he was making

- I think you made him cry.

- … I’m not in a shit stirring mood anymore bec these characters are rlly sweet and soft 😭

- you even imitated his voice just to poke fun and tease his little needy self

- You didn’t expect to make him feel bad and sulk while hugging a pillow- !

- he turned away from you and silently just- (broke down) inside while cuddling a cold pillow which he thought was a poor replacement of your cuddles

- the poor boy was so hurt by your actions, and you didn’t even mean for it to be that way 😭

- you had to apologize and give him plenty of hugs and kisses to get this golden retriever energy boy back on his feet lol

- “Ace it was a joke- I’m sorry! I love your cuddles-“ You tried to say, wrapping your arms around the man, cupping his cheeks in your hands

- “… I don’t make that face.” He mentioned softly, burying his head in your chest like a little baby needing attention

- “Pft- you do through.”

- “do not.”

- “do too.”

- “… do not.”

Corazon

- this man is the definition of a gentle giant :)

- 9’7 (ty @ewfilthymundane for telling me cuz I thought this man was 6’0 for the longest time-) and all he needs is you 🥺

- The problem with being so large is that sometimes he can suffocate you when he lays on top of you while hugging your torso

- So maybe it’s better for you to lay on top of him instead of the other way lmao

- but you still let him cuddle you because his cuddles are the best ✨

- he sometimes works for days on end, so when he returns, he literally just- collapses into you like a pile of mush 😭

- you’re on the sofa, and he just- bleh

- “Rosi, welcome home..” you said, kissing his forehead, ruffling his fluffy blonde hair

- man was kinda drowsy- so he looked a bit hazey

- “Mmm.. thank you baby..” His arms subconsciously just wrapped around you, his legs curling up underneath yours

- he was snuggling closer to you as you were just watching some tv, but you decided to poke some fun (bec yes. Shit stirring mood)

- you grabbed his old beanie, putting it on your head and quickly trying to put on the lipstick without your sleepy boyfriend noticing

- (this is at a time when he’s a marine now :)

- “What are you doing y/n?..” He asked drowsily, slightly opening his eyes to check what all the commotion was about

- His eyes immediately widened when he saw your whole new look

- “Silent.” You said, snapping your fingers like he would always do

- man was shook

- but also extremely confused because when he’s tired like this, his brain isn’t functioning lmao

- “wh- why are you wearing my beanie…?”

- “You don’t like it??”

- “No-! It looks good on you- but why are you- wait. WAS THAT ME YOU WERE IMPERSONATING?!”

- … Cora 💀

- “YES YOU-“

- cut him some slack lmao he sets his shoulder on fire everyday

- man was shook x10

- omg he was actually kind of scared, and embarrassed 😭

- “Y/n- please don’t impersonate me..”

- “Why?? You’re so cute!”

- You pinched his cheeks together, and it made him feel a bit better that you thought of him that way :)

- I mean he still didn’t enjoy being impersonated but- you ended up giving him kisses later with his lipstick on lmao

Luffy

- you dare to try and impersonate the absolute KING of impressions?!

- nah nah nah hold up

- “GOMU GOMU NOOOOOO!” You shouted, throwing your fists forward in front of Nami and Chopper

- “HAHA! You sound just like him!” Nami cackled, struggling to breathe

- it was like Luffy SMELLED the mocking going on like- he was there in front of you guys within seconds

- “Y/n. Was that me??”

- “Yes Luffy, who else says that.”

- “You’re the one who’s always telling me not to jump into the ocean! dOn’T jUmP inTo tHe oCeAn! YoU aTe a dEvIl fRuIt aNd CaN’T sWim-!” He said, trying to imitate your voice and movements

- you were offended

- “YOU’RE THE ONE OBSESSED WITH MEAT!”

- “YOU TELL ME IM DUMB ALL THE TIME!”

- “BECAUSE YOU ALMOST ACCIDENTALLY ATE CHOPPER!”

- “… Nami- will they stop?”

- “Once Sanji makes dinner they’ll settle down.”

- “I KNOW WHAT READING IS Y/N I’M NOT STUPID!”

- “OI! Dinner!” -Sanji

- “… I’ll race you!” -Luffy speeds to the kitchen like a madman

- god he was a handful. But you love him 😭

- “see? all Luffy needs is food.” -Nami

a/n - hehe these were funny 😭

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run-me-through-but-not-like-that · 2 years

Note

This is a bit nsfw so if you’re not comfy just ignore this. So what if reader and Lucius are gossiping to each other instead of doing their work and iz comes to gripe at them till he’s stopped in his tracks when he hears the reader talk about all the things they want iz to do to them. He had assumed reader always hated him and would constantly pick on them because of that. He quickly walks away un heard and is avoiding the reader. Finally reader confronts him and then you decide from there~

Warnings: Izzy does a little slut shaming as a defence mechanism. Talk of sex but no sex actually happens.

Idle Gossip:

It was barely noon and Izzy was already scowling at the crew, already feeling the familiar rage bubbling up in his chest. All he wanted, all he had asked of you all, was for you to do your damn jobs. But instead of doing anything productive, you and Lucius were off in your own little world, probably gossiping about something completely inane.

Reading his orders and insults, Izzy made his way across the deck, down to where the two of you had cornered yourselves away.

"Laugh all you like but it's painful at this point," you groaned over the scribe's quiet laughter.

"You have it bad, babe," Lucius didn't sound very sympathetic, but he did sound fond.

"I know!" you huffed, "seriously, I'd let that man do anything he wanted to me."

Izzy faltered slightly as he approached, still going unnoticed by the two of you. The two of you were far from other members of the crew but you weren't whispering, like you didn't much care if anyone overheard.

"Anything?" Lucius lent in conspiratorially.

"I'd let him do things that afterwards he wouldn't be able to look me in the eye," you insisted.

Izzy rolled his eyes as he came to the corner the two of you were tucked behind. Is everyone on this ship a slut? And is everyone so shameless about it?

"I don't know, Izzy doesn't seem like the Dom type to me," Lucius hummed, unconvinced.

In an instant, Izzy froze. Still hidden behind the corner, he stared at the deck and wondered if he had heard correctly. Were you talking about him?

"Either way," he could practically hear you rolling your eyes. "God, Lucius, that voice. Could you imagine how he sounds when he's turned on. Fuck, when he moans."

"Bet he's kinda loud, being all repressed at all," Lucius was enabling you, God Izzy hated him.

"Izzy's just...fuck, Lucius, he's so fucking hot. Every time he gets all up in my face I'm just praying he'll pin me to the mast or something." Yeah, there was no way Izzy was misinterpreting this, you were talking about him.

"Maybe he wants you to pin him to the mast," Lucius suggested, "he does seem to focus most of his attention on you."

"...do you think?" you asked, a hopeful lilt to your voice. "I swear to God, I'll pin him to the mast and drop to my knees right there on the deck," there was a strange, playful, determination to your words.

Lucius let out a fond laugh. "You little slut," he teased, "you going to let us all watch?"

"You better be fucking sketching it, you can give it to me as a gift," you played along, making him laugh again.

Maybe it was the mention of sketching that made Izzy come to his senses, getting the fuck out of there. All thoughts of interrupting you and demanding you get back to work left him as he turned on his heel, quickly but quietly making his escape.

What the fuck?

It was later the same day when Izzy bumped into you again, you were had been distracted from your duties by Frenchie who wanted to show you a new song he was working on. Of course, the first mate's first instinct was to snap at you and get you back to work, but was suddenly struck with the conversation he overheard that morning.

Suddenly, he thought better than to shout at you, to interrupt. Instead, he ended up turning and leaving to berate the Swede instead. His head filled with thoughts of what you had said about it.

He wasn't avoiding you, not in the slightly. No, definitely not avoiding you.

And if he were avoiding you, which he wasn't, it wasn't because he was in some way newly intimidated by you. It would be more about...not knowing how to react to you anymore. He had been under the impression that you hated him, perhaps even more so than the other members of the crew, but apparently his assumptions had been wrong. You mustn't hate him as much as he thought if...well, if you were talking about how desperate you were for him.

Yes, completely not avoiding you.

It only took a couple of days for you to notice that Izzy was definitely avoiding you. He would give you orders through other people and when he had to give them to you directly he didn't snarl or insult the same way he usually did, the way he continued to do to the others to some extent at least. Most notably, he hadn't chastised you for slacking, which he would normally jump at the chance to do.

Heading into the galley, you grabbed your breakfast from Roach and dropped yourself down on the end of the bench.

"You alright, babe? You look all pent up," Lucius asked, turning his attention to you. Thankfully, everyone else was distracted with some story Black Pete was telling. A story that Lucius had heard plenty of times, so he could hear yours instead.

"I'm pretty sure Izzy is avoiding me," you muttered, prodding at your eggs.

"Yeah...now you mention it, he hasn't been singling you out like he normally does," Lucius hummed, fully turning his body to you. Of course, he had actually noticed this yesterday but was wondering if you had noticed.

"What do you think that's about?" you asked. "The other day I even tried purposely pissing him off and he just buggered off. Like, practically ran away."

"I would say that's strange but this is Izzy we're talking about...so, could just be him being his usual weird self," Lucius considered before shrugging, "just ask him. Even if he doesn't answer, his reaction will probably be pretty funny."

"Suppose so but...what would I say. 'Oh, Izzy, why haven't you been berating me like you usually do? I'm experiencing some unfortunate sexual frustration because of it'," you rolled your eyes before quickly glancing down the table, making sure nobody else was listening in. They didn't seem to be paying any attention to you, Pete had gotten to a particularly outlandish part of his tale.

"...well, at least it's honest," Lucius smirked.

"Fuck off, Lucius," you groaned, shoving a forkful of egg into your mouth. Lucius just laughed.

After lunch that day, you were lazing up on the deck with John and Frenchie. You smiled at Ivan when he approached.

"Izzy needs somebody down in the hold," Ivan told the three of you.

"What for?" Wee John asked with a small huff, one clearly directed at the first mate, not the messenger.

"Apparently it's a mess or something," Ivan shrugged, "he put me up on the helm. Just told me to send somebody down, doesn't matter who,"

"We're on swabbing duty," Frenchie informed him, though neither of them were swabbing anything.

"You're not doing anything though, are you?" Lucius appeared behind you, throwing an arm around your shoulders. You jumped under the initial contact before glaring at him, knowing what he was up to. "They'll do it. Plus, they can read, that might be useful with organising and all," he volunteered your assistance.

"Yeah, alright, whatever," Ivan nodded, his job done, before heading off.

"Well, go on then," Lucius gave your shoulder a squeeze before releasing you.

"I'm going to kill you. When I get back, you're dead," you threatened, but neither of the three of them were convinced.

"Looking forward to it," Lucius grinned, shooing you off.

Frenchie and Wee John just shared a look of confusion before just shrugging and getting back to the conversation they were in the middle of before Ivan wandered over.

You rolled your eyes at Lucius but knew you weren't going to get out of this, so you headed down into the ship.

The sound of somebody walking down into the hold made Izzy turn around, bristling at the mere sight of you.

"Ivan said-" you began to politely explain your presence, even though he could figure out why you were there, since things had been tense. It was just something to say, but you were quickly cut off.

"Get this shit organised, it's a fucking mess," Izzy demanded, about to stomp up out of the hold, already half way across the room.

"Alright, what's your problem?" you sighed, turning to him as he passed you.

"Excuse me?" Izzy sneered as he turned back to you.

"You heard me, what's your fucking problem?" you repeated, knowing full well he heard you the first time. You wouldn't let him intimidate you, it had never worked before. "I mean, you're always an ass but that's just who you are, don't care about that. You're being...weird."

"I'm being weird?" Izzy scoffed, "is that an official complaint?"

"Yeah. You're always a dick to me, like me in particular, but now you barely even glare at me. You've picked me out, singled me out, for weeks. Now you're avoiding me," you accused.

"I am not avoiding you," of course, Izzy denied it.

"Don't lie to me, you're not that good at it. You're avoiding me. Why?" you questioned, arms folded over your chest.

"You're bugging me about how I'm not shouting at you?" Izzy asked, a mix between bewildered and frustrated.

"Kinda, could say that, yeah. Want to know what the problem is," you admitted with a shrug.

"Thought somebody would be grateful that I'm not shouting at them. Get off on it, do you? On me picking on you, on the attention. Do you just love to be the centre of it?" Izzy interrogated, stepping up to you, closing the distance.

"Izzy-"

"No, no that's not it, is it? You get off on discussing your superiors behind their back," Izzy accused, glaring at you.

"What...oh...oh shit..." your eyes widened, face warming, at the realisation.

"Yeah. Oh shit," Izzy agreed, his glare still hard on you.

"You heard me talking with Lucius?" you already knew the answer, but just to make sure.

"Should have figured the deviancy is more rampant around here than I first thought," Izzy was one step away from spitting at you by the sound of it.

"God, Izzy, I'm so sorry," you were quick to apologise, wracking your brain for ways to make this right.

"The two of you are just-"

"Seriously, call me whatever you want, I probably deserve it. I shouldn't have said those things, shouldn't have talked about you like that without your consent. I'm so sorry, Izzy," and now you were one step away from pleading for forgiveness. Not even mercy. Forgiveness.

"You're...what?" Izzy's glare disappeared, more due to confusion than anything, as he frowned at you.

"I'm sorry," you reasserted, "really, I am sorry. Obviously you weren't meant to hear that but that doesn't matter, doesn't make it any better. Shouldn't have done it."

"Are you fucking serious?"

"Yeah, of course. It was inappropriate and I'm sorry if I made you uncomfortable. I really meant no harm, just friends talking, y'know. But I promise it won't happen again."

You weren't sure if it was actually reassuring in any way but you couldn't take back what you had said, couldn't go back in time and prevent him from hearing, so now all you could do was apologise.

You weren't sure if it was working since Izzy was just staring at you.

"So, no, I don't get off on talking about people like that. Was just expressing some frustration, I guess," you continued when he didn't say anything.

"...you get off on being pinned to a past? Dropping to your knees in front of all your crewmates, making a spectacle out of yourself?" Izzy questioned, his expression hardening again, something dark flashing behind his eyes for a moment.

"I mean...among other things, I suppose," you shrugged weakly, unsure of how to respond.

"Get off on being degraded, being used, your partner not being able to look you in the eye afterwards," he used his own words against you. You couldn't help but wonder how much he had been thinking about that he had heard and why.

"Honestly, it's more to do with your intensity," you confessed, earning a sneer from the first mate. That seemed to catch him off guard a little. "Don't worry, I get it. You're trying to embarrass me," it wasn't difficult to catch on.

He seemed even more taken back by that, that you had seen through his attempts at humiliation as a form of defence.

"You talk about everyone like that?" Izzy asked after a short pause.

"No..." you decided that at his point, you might as well just be honest.

"I thought you hated me," Izzy's face scrunched up in confusion, seeming to settle on that rather than anger.

"Hate you? No, I just don't put up with your shit. I don't hate you, I'm just not afraid of you," you corrected him, knowing you couldn't be too surprised by his assumption. You couldn't blame him for thinking that the whole crew hated him, even if that wasn't exactly the case. Not anymore anyway. "Anyway, thought you hated me. Even more than the others, if that's possible."

Izzy squinted slightly, studying you before he spoke. "You're right. You don't take shit, thought you were messing me about on purpose, so I singled you out," he admitted, surprising you.

"See, this is why we talk things through as a crew. I don't hate you, you don't hate me. One big misunderstanding," you attempted a small laugh to lighten the mood but it was still tense.

"And was your conversation with Lucius a misunderstanding?" he asked.

"Well...no..." you frowned slightly, a little unsure about his line of questioning. "Unless, you thought I was making fun of you or something like that. Then that would be a misunderstanding. Surface level, though, no misunderstanding," you quickly added.

Izzy nodded, taking a step back and glancing off to the side in thought.

"So...can things just...go back to normal?" you asked, unable to tell if he was angry still or not.

"Yeah, yeah, guess so," he nodded slightly, barely at all.

"I'll organise all of this, don't worry," you assured him, gesturing around at the hold.

The best way to make something up to Izzy Hands? Do your fucking job.

"Fuck," Izzy sighed, dragging a hand down his face. "I'll give you a hand," he offered.

Not one to look a gift horse in the mouth, you just said, "thanks, I appreciate it."

"Fuck off," Izzy muttered before pushing past you, further into the hold once again.

You didn't plan on questioning or pushing him any further, just nodding and getting to work. The two of you worked in silence, moving around the hold, but sticking to your own sections, working together but staying out of each other's way.

"You really like my voice that much?" Izzy asked quietly, quiet enough that you could pretend that you didn't hear it.

For a moment you considered not answering, pretending you heard nothing, but you just couldn't do that. After your short pause, you glanced over at him. "Yeah."

"Fuck sketch it," Izzy snorted, sounding genuinely a little amused by the thought.

"I mean...you said it yourself, it would be a spectacle, would be a waste not to document it," you joked, hoping you had read everything right.

Thankfully, Izzy chuckled. You couldn't help but smile brightly to yourself, feeling giddy at getting a chuckle out of him despite also feeling totally out of your depth.

Were the two of you just laughing it of or was this...flirting?

"Never going to let the boy sketch me," Izzy warned but he didn't sound very angry.

"You're depriving the world, First Mate Hands," you tutted, shaking your head at him.

"Add it to my list of sins," Izzy scoffed.

You bit back a retort about adding plenty of other things to his list of sins, but you weren't exactly sure where his head was at with this while thing and what might cross the invisible line. If there even was a line.

Instead, you just laughed and continued with the task at hand.

Once the two of you had finished organising the hold, you stepped back to admire your hard work.

"I'd say labels would help but most of the crew can't read," you mused.

"So it'd still end up a mess." Honestly, Izzy probably thought they would still mess it up if they had somebody telling them exactly which steps to take.

"Could try pictures...get Frenchie to do them," you suggested.

"This fucking ship," Izzy grumbled, heading for the stairs.

The thought of the hold being organised by Frenchie's little doodles was nearly enough to make him jump overboard.

You just laughed, trotting after him. "If it works, it works," you shrugged.

"...I'll think about it," Izzy conceded with a sigh.

"Going to turn you into one of us before you know it," you playfully promised.

"I'm already having ridiculous fucking conversations," he muttered. He had long since stopped wondering how he ended up here.

"Eh, you like it really," you insisted.

Izzy rolled his eyes. "Lunch should be getting prepared now. Roach actually has decent time management skills. Go grab something," he ordered.

"You not eating with us?" you asked, allowing yourself to sound a little hopeful, welcoming.

"Never eat with you," he pointed out.

"...mix it up a bit," you smiled, still aiming for welcoming, offering the invitation.

"Yeah, like changing up who's against the mast?" Izzy asked, making you sputter slightly.

"Fucking hell, Izzy, you're killing me here," you groaned. "Okay, stop for a minute. Be serious with me, are you just joking or...?"

If he was joking with you, you couldn't really blame him, you probably deserved it at least a little. You wouldn't even be upset with him, you just needed to know which parts of the teasing were serious and which were just him poking fun at you.

Izzy did stop, pausing to look at you. Not just look at you, he looked you up and down, making you shift a little under his scrutiny, wondering what he was thinking. He was rolling the answer around in his mind, as if he wasn't already aware of his answer.

"Not completely joking," Izzy shrugged, actually managing to seem casual.

You felt your knees go a little weak. He couldn't just say things like that!

You gathered your senses up as quickly as you could. "Y'know, I think I might have, uh, left something down in the hold, I should go check," you gestured back towards the hold, pivoting on one foot.

Izzy nodded slowly, there clearly being some understanding as to your intentions, but he didn't say anything. He wasn't biting and that was okay, you just smiled and turned back.

"Need some help looking for it?" Izzy called from behind you, making you halt.

You grinned to yourself before schooling your expression and looking back at him over your shoulder, "couldn't hurt."

Izzy nodded again before following you back down into the hold. Once down in the dim room, you wandered over to the far corner, out of sight if anyone else wandered down. And Izzy followed.

You turned to him and let him approach, and he let you take hold of his necktie, making sure not to touch his ring. He let you tug him towards you, gripped at your shirt when your mouth met his.

#israel hands x reader #izzy hands x reader #izzy hands #ofmd izzy #ofmd #our flag means death #ofmd x reader

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esprei · 2 years

Text

have recently learned there's a bit more hate around trainwreckshipping than i was aware of so i guess i just wanted to talk about it a bit and give my two cents on the ship, how i see it and i guess my perspective on things. i've kind of always wanted to talk about it, but i just haven't been brave enough until now haha (sorry, i am not super eloquent when it comes to writing things like this so my apologies) ((also throwing it under a cut because it may get long and might also include some slightly sad-ish things so i don't want to just throw that in everyone's face you know))

----

i think i'll just preface things by saying i've always totally understood why trainwreckshipping has gotten so much flack since its inception. or hate, because maybe flack just isn't strong enough of a word. but i do understand. there were mischaracterizations of emmet by portraying him as violent to volo because it was assumed that volo was directly responsible for ingo's disappearance. i was guilty of it. suuuuuper guilty. and i can understand why that put the ship in such a position for many people. toxic, unhealthy, etc. but... i think what i'm a bit confused on i guess is the fact that it's still viewed so much this way to this day. viewed as one of the worst ships because of how toxic it is. how unhealthy it is. all because it started that way in fanon only. but you know, from a canon standpoint, it has nothing. nothing at all. so really, this ship could be anything because it's based in fanon only. no canon interactions of emmet and volo exist yet. there is no official basis on how these characters would interact with each other. and yes, while there were misunderstandings of both characters early on, that certainly doesn't mean it's still that way today. that doesn't mean that people haven't studied and looked at these two characters a little closer to understand them better and to try and make them more realistic to their canon portrayals. to make more accurate depictions of these characters and how that fits in to a healthier perspective with them. i dunno. it just kinda baffles me that with the variety of trainwreckshipping content out there now, some still call it toxic and unhealthy as if we're perpetually stuck in that time period of when it was. like it's not allowed to be anything but that ever just because it started that way. and what makes me the saddest about it all is now seeing so many friends and people in the community of the ship start to get disheartened and discouraged from enjoying something they really actually enjoy because there's still such a bad stigma to the ship. personally for a long time i've just ignored that stigma because i try not to let that stuff drag me down. but i will admit that yes, it has made me more reluctant to post any art i do of it. i've definitely had my periods where i've questioned uploading my emmet/volo art, usually as wholesome as it is, because it does have such a dark cloud around it fandom wise. it's why i made my side blog, in fact. because i just didn't feel very comfortable uploading mostly emmet/volo art here to my main because so many people dislike it or outright hate it.

and in regards to the ship itself, i think i've always thought of it in a slightly different way than most. not so much enemies to lovers but rather through the lens of how volo might could change, be redeemed, see the how his actions in the past inadvertently affected others (and by that I mean his involvement in opening the rift... like yes, that could be what caused ingo to be sent to hisui, but we don't know that for sure... and even if that was the case, volo didn't do it specifically to target ingo. volo was only ever interested in trying to get to arceus and build a better world in his vision).

or how volo could look at emmet after getting to know him and potentially see the beauty and value of the current world through him. you know, seeing someone like emmet and admiring that he can still find a reason to smile and be kind despite all of the pain and suffering he must have gone through since ingo's disappearance. volo starting to see a different perspective than he did before (aka wanting to build a new world because the current one was too full of pain and suffering) because of emmet. i dunno. that's just me personally. because since actually looking more at volo's character and his dialogue in game i've been real interested in redemption paths for him. exploring those possibilities. i just enjoy exploring said possibilities mostly through the dynamic i have in my head for him and emmet because it's fun. it interests me. i see cool potential in it. i enjoy it a lot. and while i don't think i ever portray volo super accurately, or even emmet for that matter, i still think i've come a long way since first finishing pla and ever looking at emmet/volo interactions. but regardless of all of that, that's the beauty of a ship of this nature. a ship that has absolutely no basis in canon. because it really can be anything you want it to be. it can be enemies to lovers, it can be more wholesome, it can be whatever. it's not locked into a specific dynamic because the characters have never officially met each other, let alone had a conversation. and even if that were the case... AUs are still a thing. :D

anyway that's pretty much all i had. just wanted to talk about it a bit because i've seen a recent uptick in people mentioning all of the hate and dislike for the ship etc and i dunno. i enjoy the ship a lot. it's just sad to see that there's still so much hate around it even though a lot of the content now is not like how it originally started. not from what i've seen, at least.

and while i don't expect anyone who hates it to ever warm up to it, i just wish it could be understood that the more toxic, unhealthy dynamic is not the basis of anymore. there are healthier portrayals of it now.

#trainwreckshipping #this did end up pretty long sorry sdklfj #and probably not the most eloquent way to end it off but it's ok #it's a little cathartic to talk about this i suppose #also pleaaaase forgive any mistakes i'm a bit tired and am not usually a writer at least not to this length hhh

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damagedintellect · 2 months

Text

Craig Tucker x Fem!reader

💌 Craig Tucker is a mother fucker: Chapter 7 💌

Summary: You want to say that it wasn't your fault buuuuuut it kinda was. You didn't think much of it as you casted your joke vote for the "Hottest guy in school" and in hindsight you should never listen to Clyde but it was pretty funny at the time. Craig just wanted a peaceful junior year and you can't blame him for that however waking up the morning after a party, in his bed, being told that you two were dating wasn't exactly your definition of peaceful either.

Notes: I was always too scared of the fandom to post it back in the day but I wrote this before Creek was made canon so let's just say Craig is bi for my sake because I've had a huge crush on him since forever. My S/O pointed out that Craig is just Trafalgar Law but with a guinea pig instead of a polar bear and I haven't been the same since I have a type and it's them.

💌 Word count: 3,222 💌 <= Previous | Chapter 8 =>

The school calmed down after that. It's only been about two weeks but after what happened the rumors pretty much stopped all together. Which makes you think that it was Lola who was spreading them but you couldn't know for sure. Maybe the school was bored with you both because now you were actually dating or maybe they moved on to someone else. Either way it's what you were trying to accomplish with your relationship so you were satisfied. Now the real question is how long do you and Craig wait it out until you casually break it off and go your separate ways. Not that it mattered too much, it's not like you hated being with Craig. It was quite the opposite turns out you both got along pretty well. You'd dare say that you ended up becoming good friends because of this. You were in math class going over the test you just took. You felt pretty confident that you did fine.

You were wrong.

The good news is that your teacher allowed you to retake three test throughout the entire year but that meant that you'd have to study for it. Class ended and you lay your head back down on the desk.

Craig took one look at you and sighed "That bad huh?" you made a distressed noise as he grabbed your test from you "Oof" he skimmed through it and chuckled at you "Wow, I don't know how you managed to do it but you dead ass got all the easy questions wrong." you stood up and grabbed the test back from him. "I don't like math okay." He offered his hand and you rolled your eyes smiling slightly as to grab it. You both walked to the cafeteria. "You know I could help you study if you wanted. I only got one wrong and it's the one you got right." you scowled at him you really didn't want to ask him for help but math was your worst subject. You sighed in defeat "Fine." he stopped walking to look at you as you tugged on his arm.

"What?"

"No, I thought you'd protest more." you slouched as you sat down at the usual table "Normally I would but my brain is mush. I thought I did good." He pat your head as you sank down in your seat. "So what after school or this weekend."

"It better not be after school." You heard Bebe say as she and Clyde came over to the table. You quirked an eyebrow at her "Why not?"

"Our first cheer practice is after school, don't tell me that you already forgot." You cursed under your breath while Craig smirked at you holding back a laugh he almost forgot that you were a cheerleader. You punched his arm "I thought I was only a substitute." Bebe sighed "You are that's why you have to come we do team building exercises and if you're going to be a part of the team you need to come."

"Okay I'll be there." you pout but Craig pulls you into his lap "My house this weekend then?" you could feel yourself blush but make yourself comfortable trying not to smile. "Yeah let's do that." Over the past few days you've picked up on the fact that Craig likes physical contact and you didn't hate it either.

"You guys are cute." Bebe laughed and Clyde rolled his eyes at you both "I thought you guys were annoying before but now that you're both lovey dovey I kinda lowkey miss the bickering." Craig and you both flipped him off before turning to look at each other then turning away, both of you blushing. Clyde had a point since you've spent a lot of time with each other, you don't get on each others nerves like you used to, but you wouldn't consider you guys to be "Lovey dovey". It's not like you guys spew out sweet nothings to each other or make out in the hallway all the time. Anything goes but like within reason and you guys aren't heathens. Sure you guys hold hands all the time but you only ever sit in his lap on occasion. Neither of you said anything after that which was annoying you wish you could read minds.

The rest of the day was a blur as you anticipated the practice. As Bebe said it was mostly team building exercises. The classics starting with trust falls. You tried so hard but Bebe was very adamant about being your partner. You struggled slightly while catching her because she asked you a question.

"So what happened that night?" you had been avoiding that question for a while now "What do you mean what happened that night?" you sweat a little as you traded places and you were now the one falling. "You know what night," She winked at you "You never did respond to any of my texts." You fell back and sighed "I told you nothing happened." She caught you but giggled "Oh yeah? Nothing happened so why is your face red." She'd probably say that even if your weren't blushing. You frowned at her "Seriously I mean it, nothing happened." She helped you upright and you fold your arms.

"Fine I get it, you don't want to talk about it right now, but you two have definitely fucked." Yeah there was no winning here. She was just going to think whatever and there was nothing you could do about it as always. You did a few more group trust exercises and after that and started some light conditioning. You did not appreciate that one bit, planks aren't exactly your forte.

At the end of practice Heidi invited everyone to the annual cheer sleepover it was in a few weeks so you had time to decide if you wanted to go or not.

----

The next day was relatively boring now that you've taken your first test for most of your classes. Lunch was oddly quiet as well. Bebe stopped trying to ask about that night which was good but you had a feeling she was planning something. You don't even remember what happened during your last few classes because all you could think about was that damn test. You thought you were good at math.

"Are you ready" Craig said as you guys got to the entrance of the school. You didn't want to answer but you did "As ready as I'll ever be." You made your way to Craig's house.

The weather was nice and cold. It was October now which meant soon you'd be able to go ice skating again. You zoned out thinking about what you were going to do for Halloween when Craig squeezed your hand as you got to his house. When you guys got inside he brought out another chair and pulled out his notebook. His notes were super neat you almost wondered if you both were taking the same class, or you were just really bad at taking notes. You hesitated but you pulled out your notes and he almost choked.

"Jesus Christ, I thought I've been telling you to pay attention." He flipped through the pages, your notes were more of a sketchbook then actual notes. At least that explained why you didn't do well on the test but still. "Here let's start with this one." he pointed to one of the problems that you got wrong and wrote it on a blank page in his notebook. You fiddled with your pencil tapping it on the paper as he looked at you. "Well, any day now." you purse your lips and balanced your pencil on top of them. You had no idea where you were even supposed to start. He frowned checking his phone for the time. "It's going to be a long night isn't it?"

"Yeah..." you sighed meekly looking at the paper as Craig wrote out the steps explaining everything. You couldn't help but stare at him in awe, with how often he used to skip classes you always thought he was a slacker. This was pretty unexpected. You were still staring at him when he finished the problem "Now it's your turn." You snapped out of it and blinked at him.

"huh?"

He face palmed himself rolling up his test hitting you on the head with it. Of course it didn't hurt but you flinched anyways. He pinched the bridge of his nose. "What have I said about paying attention."

"It's not my fault I just can't focus." Craig crossed his arms and leaned back in his chair, "What am I supposed to do with you," you smiled sheepishly you didn't mean to space out. His face was just, for a lack of better words, distracting you've never seen him like this before. It was his fault that he was attractive and you inwardly groaned thinking about it. "I should punish you but that won't solve anything and then again you might like that." You kicked his chair "Hey what is that supposed to mean?" he ignored you getting up from his chair leaving the room. He wasn't gone very long and returned with what you assume to be a bag of candy but you couldn't tell.

"These are candies I got from Japan and you can't have any." He opened the bag taking in a deep breath emphasizing how good they were and you rolled your eyes at him "Yeah okay if you think that's going to do anything you're wrong." You said crossing your arms turning away but glancing back as he took one unwrapping it in front of your face "Are you sure? It's your favorite flavor" you could smell the candy he wasn't wrong it was. You gulped hard this wasn't going to work. He slowly licked at the candy before he pushed it in his mouth smiling "mmm~ It's really good~" he teased you "Oh haha" you looked back at his example trying to figure out what the hell you were supposed to do without his help.

"You know I could give you one if you wanted." He waved one in front of your face "For every question you get right I'll give you one." he paused smirking at you, somehow you knew there was going to be a catch. "However, every problem you get wrong you should have tooooooo," he trailed off trying to think of something you'd protest against. You were pretty stubborn and spiteful so he tried to think of something that you wouldn't want to do. "Take off your clothes."

"Tch, As if I'd get one wrong." Craig smiled already knowing you were motivated enough to spite him and pay attention. He looked over your shoulder looking at the steps you were currently writing out. "Are you so sure? You're already wrong," he pointed "Right here. It's supposed to be eight not five." You grit your teeth, that sarcastic bastard he was going to be the end of you.

That's how the rest of the afternoon went he would show you how to do problems from the test and you'd try to solve ones that he made up. For the most part you got them right and were rewarded with candy. You'd hate to admit they were really good.

Unfortunately you had gotten three wrong which meant he took your jacket and both of your socks. It was do or die even though he had already seen you in your undergarments it was more or less your pride that you were fighting for. After he walked you through the test he made a practice test to make sure you really knew what you were doing. He laid on the bed playing games on his phone waiting for you to finish.

---

It had been a little over an hour since he gave you the practice test. Craig was starting to get suspicious. He looked over to you it seems you were laying your head down facing the opposite direction. Surely by now you should be done with it, right? He stretched standing up turning to his phone to take note of the time.

Had it really been that long already? He noticed your pencil wasn't moving. He quirked an eyebrow at you as he looked over your shoulder to see what problem you were on and to his surprise you were in the middle of the last one but it appears you fell asleep. Craig smiled but shook his head at you looking down at the floor "Honestly what am I supposed to do with you." he laughed lightly to himself as he shook you.

"Wake up sleepy head."

He waited for your eyes to flutter open but they didn't. Craig sighed as he shook you a little bit harder "(Y/n), hey come on." He frowned when you didn't wake up but shrugged it off "Whatever I'll be back after dinner." He started walking out of the room but stopped when he got to the door. He waited a beat for you to wake up but you didn't. He turned back around not exactly wanting to leave you falling off of the desk, maybe he should put you on his bed. Craig walked back over smiling while poking at your cheek "Wow, you must have really been tired" you weren't flinching you were out cold. You were already physically exhausted from cheer practice yesterday and now you were mentally exhausted as well. He took the pencil from your hand and leaned down to put you gently on his bed.

He continued to lean over you for a moment after putting you down. You seemed so peaceful, your lips were slightly parted and your hair fell nicely around your face. Craig clenched his fist, he might not get another chance to do this. He glanced back at the door and back to you gently slapping his face before he did something to wake you.

"Come on snap out of it." He whispered to himself as he bit his lip looking at yours. Should he do it? He wanted to confirm something and you both had agreed on anything goes. He mentally cursed himself for what he wanted to do as he leaned in gently capturing your lips with his. His heart fluttered just like that time before and he hated it. He slowly walked away, relieved that you didn't wake up but now frustrated with himself. Craig walked out of the room quietly closing the door behind him. He exhaled heavily and grabbed at his chest as he cursed under his breath.

"Fuck."

He stood there for a moment trying to come to terms with what he just did and why he did it. He hoped it wouldn't be too obvious that he was blushing when he walked down stairs. "Why did it have to be like this?" he thought to himself as he joined the rest of his family for dinner. Craig didn't mention that you were coming over to study or anything to his parents. Ever since he entered high school his parents kind of just let him do whatever without really caring about if he had asked them or not. Honestly he didn't think it would take this long to go over the test. He sighed as he ate dinner. Either way he planned on sneaking you out when his parents weren't paying attention just in case.

He ended up being the last one at the table anyways because he couldn't stop thinking about what he was supposed to do now. Craig has never been someone to listen to his emotions and he sure as shit didn't want to start now. He was content with the arrangement you both had at the moment. You both were dating without all the emotion commitment and baggage of dating. It was like friends with benefits but without the sex. It was nice just to have someone other than Clyde be close to him. Why ruin it to go back to your constant fighting or worse, you completely avoid him for the rest of high school.

Craig took his plate from the table doing the dishes before heading back up to his room. He was almost shocked to find that you were still sleeping. He yawned he was getting tired as well it was pretty early but, eh he didn't really feel like doing anything anyway. He rummaged through his drawer getting out his pajama pants and a comfy shirt. He turned back to you. Should he change in here, or should he just go to the bathroom? What if you woke up? His face turned red and he didn't want to think about it, he just went to the bathroom instead. He brushed his teeth muttering how stupid he was being and changed.

Once he came back he turned off the lights and tucked you both into bed. You were sleeping so soundly but hearing your breathing made Craig almost hyper awake. He tried really hard to fall asleep but it irritated him that he couldn't. He was fighting with his thoughts wanting to do things but not acting on them. He should have tried waking you up once more maybe he wouldn't have ended up in this mess.

He tried taking deep breaths, focusing on his breathing and it seemed to work. He could feel himself on the edge of being asleep when he felt you cuddle into his side causing his eyes to force themselves open despite feeling heavy. You were still asleep and Craig didn't feel like fighting it anymore as he pulled you closer into his embrace. You were warm and smelled nice. Craig gently squeezed you, over the past few weeks he got addicted to your physical touch.

"Stupid hormones. Stupid serotonin. Stupid dopamine." He muttered quietly into your shoulder as he thought about the first night you guys slept together. He couldn't explain why but it was the best night of sleep he's ever had and he hated that now he knew the reason why.

---

The next morning you found something oddly familiar about this scent and this warmth almost like you've been here before. You snuggled into the blankets a little bit more. You could stay like this forever it was very comfortable. That's when you felt the blanket squeezed you back. Upon opening your eyes you noticed you were on top of Craig with his arms around you. You swallowed hard, it seems like he was still asleep and you didn't want to wake him. Laying your head back down you kind of felt a little bad for falling asleep. The last thing you remember was him trying to help you study. Not that you feel like you were wasting his time or anything considering that he offered to help you, but you didn't want to be a burden especially if he felt the need to take care of you because of your arrangement. At the same time it was too early in the morning to really get your thoughts straight on the matter. You felt right at home in his arms and you were not about to pass up more sleep.

Is it weird that you've just gotten used to being this close to Craig?

#my sp brainrot is showing #south park x reader #south park imagines #south park fanfiction #craig tucker x reader #x reader

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drifloonz · 2 years

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Hi! I'm usually not one to send asks all that often, but what the heck. I'm kinda curious about your thoughts on something too since I've seen a lot of differing opinions.

Steven. Obviously Miki's accident and Missingno annihilated his sanity, but I feel like Mike's ghost also haunts him. Not in a malicious way, but just by existing. He just really wants to understand why Steven had to do that to him but whenever he attempts to reach out Steven flips due to guilt. I've seen someone's headcanon where Steven is this cold-hearted bastard who never cared about Mike, even as kids, and idk. It just doesn't sit right with me. Nothing wrong with it I'm just wondering how many other people share that sentiment vs Steven feeling immense guilt at being so blinded by rage that he'd murder his own brother and basically sell his soul.

Sorry if this is too much, I tend to ramble 😅

HI!! you were my actual first ask but i didn't see this one at first until i was writing the other one and out of the corner of my eye saw this and went "wait a minute." funny how that happens.

ANYWAYS i can definitely do that for you and ALSO do not apologize i ramble so much as well its fine. this'll be so long i apologize so im putting most of it under a read more !

cw for Bad mental health, strangling/murder obviously, and also some suicidal ideation ( which is warned for in the paragraph its shown in ).

i think steven just sort of like... blocks it off and tries to forget everything about that ever happened, but obviously, you cant forget that stuff that easily. it haunts him but he tries to push it as far back to his head as he can and he tries to forget SOOO hard... he's in intense denial. i like the art of him immediately regretting it but i think he'd just stare at mikes corpse for a few minutes and then just be like. scarred by the imagery, and it'd make him breathe heavily and make his eyes widen in regret and he'd just keep staring for a few minutes. but he'd just run away afterward and it just burns into his mind sometimes, making him remember and regret it.

as someone with mental illness of Horribly Bad amounts, when someone you trust like that betrays you or you believe them to betray you ( which, its the ladder for steven and mike, mike obviously didn't intend to kill miki whether or not you believe he initiated the trade with slightly malicious/selfish intent or not ) it does bad damage to your psyche. especially when the murder of someone you care for is involved, which makes the thinking in steven's brain go "oh mike murdered miki. intentionally or not he's the reason she's dead." and then that makes him very upset towards mike mixed with someone he sorta looked up to betray him like that. he just regressed hard and went thru a depressive spiral for a whole year, having the thing he most loved taken away from him so suddenly almost entirely without his control, and then he got so tired of bottling it up he snapped ( lol ) and killed mike.

suicidal thoughts cw for this paragraph: and also during the 1 year without miki, steven obviously went through a major depressive episode and a sort of downwards spiral that just got worse and worse, and i don't think he wanted to get better. this is heavy but i sort of think he just hoped neglecting his self-care would eventually kill him and reunite him with his miki again, which is all he wanted. he didn't eat much if at all and he just sat in front of miki's grave, sometimes for days. he made a bed out of his misery, because it felt comfortable in a morbid way. if he died, he'd reunite with her, because at that point he didn't know anything could bring her back and all he wanted was her. it felt better than just... getting over it, or trying to. people convinced him to take better care of himself, but he still barely did anything past his necessities. this didn't help his mental state at all, as you can probably tell, which also fueled his hatred towards mike after the incident more and more. he made himself suffer this much due to an accident he caused, and he used that as further reasoning to dislike him, even though that was all self-inflicted.

i also like to think they didn't hate each other genuinely before this - mike never genuinely hated steven, but steven after the incident probably had Many complex feelings towards mike, mostly negative. but before the incident, they definitely had arguments and spats, and sometimes one would say something that would genuinely hurt the other ( usually steven did this to mike more than viceversa imo but both happened ) which both of them also probably bottled up and didnt talk about a lot ( although mike'd definitely apologize if he ever went too far - steven, i feel like would be too guilty and nervous to apologize ) which also sort of exploded in steven's face after miki died in front of him. those 3 things mixing together did not make a good combo for him.

the interp of missingno needing souls or steven at least thinking it does is fun but i like to think it never did and steven was just going through a horrendous downward spiral, and he went back home bc... where else would he go, he'd still have to pack the rest of his stuff to leave if he intended to, and seeing mike so vulnerable flipped a switch in steven's mind and made him just go [ steven voice ] "You know what would be funny?" ( worst way to describe that but u get it ). this can also arguably be missingnos influence or missingno possessing steven, which i feel is more plausible then it needing a sacrifice. but i think it just probably inserts or pushes forward steven's intrusive and aggressive thoughts, which i like to believe he always had especially after the incident, but never this bad. and then he just did it bc the thoughts wouldn't leave him alone and his mind convinced himself into it. even though he already had miki and didn't need to do that, it felt... fitting, to him. it was satisfying for a moment, especially because i like the interpretation that his mind warped mikes dying expression into him looking like he's laughing at steven ( explaining his hyplull sprites when hes being strangled being so weird ), until his mind realized the damage he just did, seeing mikes glazed over expression that was very much not smiling or laughing, and he went "oh. shit" in his head probably. his mind couldn't even comprehend what he just did. it'd take a lot of processing, and he didn't even want to process any of that, so after staring for a bit he just walked away from the scene and escaped to never be seen again.

i also like the interpretation that steven thought mike didn't actually care that much about miki dying or even did the trading thing on purpose - he clearly didn't kill her on purpose, but steven was so blinded by his own muddled emotions and rage and he needed an outlet, someone to blame, so he couldn't see it any other way and CONVINCED himself that mike did that on purpose. also because admittedly in canon mike saying that he needed a charizard implies he already had a charmeleon but thats muddy territory and probably just slightly a plot hole. but if that was the case i bet steven was like "... just evolve the charmeleon?" "but that'd take too looooong!" or something like that. mike is impatient as hell fr fr mans got adhd

if you want a good take on this and havent already, read faulty on ao3 . i hate ao3 for various reasons and only go there when im Parched for content. but goddamn that fic has the best characterization of the two imo, especially of this dynamic of them specifically along with their other relationships ( namely daisy and reds relationship to steven and mike too ) - steven even sometimes goes through like being slightly better around mike and then it all drops when he realizes she died for nothing, and mike didnt even finish the dex. fucking phenomenal fic tbh i love this characterization of them sm. a lot of this summarizes how i think they'd both act after the incident

____

as for the haunting... yeaaa. i think steven's just way too scarred and confused and scared to even allow mike to properly reach out, if steven even realizes it. i like to think he's paranoid and overthinks so he probably goes "oh god what if its mike" and then woopsy daisy! It is mike. and he just tries to pretend its nothing so bad and to ignore and avoid him because he's scared and confused and it makes him think far too long about his emotions on the situation that he was intentionally bottling up and pushing to the back of his head.

he also probably would think mike would try to revenge kill him because that's just how he thinks he himself would react if mike did that to him. Which makes him regret things further. he sleeps less due to this, usually on the defensive even though mike has no intent to harm him. i don't think mike ever had any room in his heart to ever hate steven. he's just confused or slightly upset at worst at anything steven's said or done to him... mike probably doesn't even really blame him, but he does just hope he's ok and prob lets out a sigh of relief when he finds steven, who is still a mess going through many things, and also murderous now, but he's still alive! which is a win in mikes book i guess!

he probably just tries to pretend mike isn't actually there or actively get rid of him, or he wouldn't even notice mike is haunting him in the first place, depending on how obvious the signs of the haunting are. his house is already sort of run down and haunted as fuck anyways, but in the back of his head he knows somethings off.

i also ... like the interp that steven took all of mikes team bc nobody was there to care for them anymore. so maybe when steven notices he sends out mikes blastoise or some of his other party members and hopes to god mike leaves him alone to go bother his own pokemon who he hasn't seen for years. after all, he basically never let mikes mons out of their ball, and even considered donating them all to professor oak or something ( probably just.. leaving the pokeballs out infront of the lab one day ) but that felt wrong, so he always kept them on hand. sometimes feeding them and not much else. mike probably had a ghost type ( gengar ) who can conveniently probably see him, and mike definitely would try to communicate to steven further through said ghost type. and he'd just be like. "gdi why did i send out the ghost type" in his mind.

miki can definitely see mikes ghost. mike is also like "OH MY GOD WHAT HAPPENED TO YOU. WAIT YOUR ALIVE????" in his head, but he quickly gets used to it. he has no idea what the hell a missingno is or how/why she's alive but he just stops questioning it. they sometimes share a glance and nod. mike will sometimes avert his gaze from her due to guilt though. miki doesn't seem to care or hold resent, probably because imo 'M ( however you want to spell Missingno Miki ) isn't actually miki. it's missingno sort of possessing, haunting, or keeping miki's dead corpse alive, but her soul is no longer there anymore. at least most of it Isn't there. due to that she's a lot more emotionless. even if miki's soul was in there though, she would not hold genuine resent. if miki's soul was in there she'd probably be scared of steven ( specifically yk S!3V3N ) tbh

i definitely think steven has hallucinations sometimes, usually of miki or mikes corpses, usually much more horrifying looking than they actually were, so this doesn't help!

steven overall is just on the fence and regrets it all but doesn't even wanna think abt or interact w mike but if he somehow became more okay with it, he might start leaving mike notes or something. or talking to himself, assuming mike might overhear. small steps like that. and maybe if mike is able to sometimes steven just passes out on the couch or smth and mike covers him in a blanket while hes asleep and stevens just like. "That was not there when I fell asleep." in his head. stuff like that.

also mike might switch the tv channels or just Project an image onto it somehow. and steven just. squints at it. i think it'd be nice if they eventually got used to eachothers presence again and just silently hung around eachother. mike really wants to look after steven after seeing the state he's in and how much he didn't really help steven effectively when mike was alive. for an example probably, like, nudging the bathroom door open and turning on the bathwater and trying to make steven take a mfing bath and practice self care for once and steven just begrudgingly sighs and goes to do it since he might as well. and mike just walks away and is very smug about it. he Will make his little brother practice self care again and he's made that his personal goal. steven walking into the kitchen and seeing various pots and pans floating around along with a mess on the floor ( mikes getting used to his levitation powers still </3 ) and he just squints his eyes and leaves and comes back and theres a meal on the counter

steven making pancakes and he just holds out a plate for mike and he just takes it. and steven just sees the plate floating and goes "yea thats about what i expected" or smth. its cute, Although i cant see that happening very easily unfortunately </3 steven is very broken and very much Not wanting to think abt mike. so itd take very long for him to warm back up or even be ok with him possibly existing arnd him. but this'd prob happen eventually if mike is persistent, and by god, is mike persistent. its what got him into this mess in the first place.

i can write so much abt these depressed ex champions fr!!! anyways thank you for reading sorry for writing so much words. i hope this feeds you enough content for the next winter. i hope literally any of this made sense bc i just sorta typed my thought processes until it looked legible - wispy

#wispy writes #steven strangled red #strangled red #mike strangled red #pokepasta #headcanons #ramblings #tldr; read faulty on ao3 for a very good fic w good characterization on both steven and mike after the incident bc that just captures it #ghost mike is such a funny concept bc i like to think he might mess w steven but in very small prank ways #long post btw. like looong post. i talk and ramble way 2 much i apologize

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can-of-pringles · 11 months

Note

For any of your OCs with romantic partners, tell me the exact moment each of them fell in love (whether or not they realized it at the time)

*cracks knuckles* /j Okay let's go

Marigold: It had to have been their second year of dating, one of the times when they were just having some time to themselves. Not doing much but definitely comfortable in just being in each other's presence. She thinks about how Peter brings peace and comfort to her life (which might be a surprise to some people) and it's all about how good relationships are when you're comfortable in the normalcy/mundane rather than the exciting times. I don't know if she realized at the time that she had fallen in love with him, but she knew for sure that she couldn't imagine spending her life with anyone else. She probably realized after a little bit when she had time to question it more.

Peter: Not that it was exactly the opposite, but during a mission that had gotten a little more dangerous than usual, they were both fine, but had to recover slightly. Peter realized that he wouldn't know what to do if something bad happened to Marigold, that he'd do anything for her, and that he had fallen in love with her quicker than he'd thought (ironic slightly? Lol) and the realization feelings grew more while they were both taking care of each other while recovering from the mission.

Rosie: I think maybe after one of their birthday parties and having a sleepover, they were sharing Rosie's bed and just cuddling. Rosie felt so comfortable and calm in Allison's arms and got the feeling that she never wanted to let go. I don't know if she recognized it as falling in love yet though. She had to sit with all the feelings for a bit until she was like "Is that what that is? Oh..."

Allison: It was actually when she was having a bad day, the dysphoria was being extra the worst™ and she broke down to Rosie about it, and even though Rosie couldn't really relate, she just held her and comforted her as she continued to cry, and she just tried consoling her and telling her sweet things, how much she cared for her and how she was the prettiest girl ever, etc. Allison felt a lot better afterward and realized how safe and loved Rosie made her feel. I think she realized then that she'd fallen in love with her.

Jelaa: Jelaa had developed a crush on Ahsoka while they were kids but just decided to bury it deep down and ignore it. It wouldn't have ended well while they were both Jedi. But the thing was the feelings didn't go away, and they actually grew stronger. While Jelaa was hiding for survival, during a particularly rough day she realized how much she missed Ahsoka and started crying, wondering if she had survived the purge. I think the missing and longing was when it happened, but once they were finally able to reunite and stay together, she finally realized oh this is like strong long-lasting in love feelings.

Ahsoka: She used to struggle with all the feelings as a kid/early teen, but there's not really time to focus on that while you're fighting for your life and stuff. I think especially after what happened with her leaving, Jelaa leaving too, and even what had happened to Barriss (who she also used to be close to) Ahsoka kinda just 'turned off' a lot of the grief and complicated feelings for a while. Once she had been able to grow up more and mostly get to more stable living (ish) and found Jelaa, she allowed more of the feelings back in and realized they made her stronger. She and Jelaa were still mainly hiding out together, but it's hard to ignore the romantic feelings while they're so close (physically and emotionally) and she realized after a while that she loved her.

Arith: Okay so listen, pretty much from the beginning, he had been amused by Iriel, maybe a little infatuated, but that didn't develop into a crush and then love until a little bit later. It was probably during one of their routine 'let's drink together and chat' nights. And of course, they had gotten closer unknowingly and it was also just sort of a deep-thinking kind of night, so it really wasn't that hard for Arith to realize how much he'd fallen in love with her. Imagine him looking at her for a second while she's talking passionately about something and then feeling his heart beating quicker before he glances down and takes a drink. He can deal with the feelings tomorrow.

Iriel: It took her longer to realize. Pretty much she'd been like "Yeah Arith and I are friends" (which you should've seen how she processed that ha) but then he just kept constantly flooding her thoughts, and at first she thought it was totally normal, but then she kept thinking about how nice he looked and how his eyes shined in the light and how pretty his laughter sounded and- and so she was slowly coming to the realization that friends don't usually think like this or especially at this amount, and it was confirmed for her that she loved him when she was taking care of him after another 'kinda usual but not really' "punishment" from work. He had said something like "you could at least let me make you coffee or something, I feel bad just laying here" and she was like "it's okay, there will be time for that in the future, I don't mind. we take care of each other plenty" and right there was when she realized how much she was willing to do for him and vice versa and how she'd fallen in love with him.

Kaia: It was probably while they were out on a date (like after a while of dating) they had gone to Paris for a little bit and were mostly just out and walking around, admiring some of the views (and each other ;)) and they were holding hands. And Odel said something like "we should come back here again sometime..." and Kaia's thoughts were like "for our honeymoon" and then she realized and started blushing. Odel asks if she's ok and she blames it on the cold weather. And Odel suggests they go someplace warmer then and she nods and wraps her arm around her waist and kisses her cheek.

Odel: She realized during late at night, while she had decided to stay over at Kaia's place (like a sleepover let me clarify) and I think recently she had been having a lot more conflicted thoughts about being with Kaia, more just about dealing with her feelings about betraying Heaven. She had woken up during the night from a dream about it and just watched Kaia sleeping peacefully next to her. Watching her calmed her down enough to start falling back asleep. There hadn't been peace and calm while she was still with Heaven. But she had it with Kaia. That's when she knew she loved her and that she was always going to be worth more to her than Heaven. She started to stop caring about Heaven after that and focus on her love for Kaia.

Silas: It was after Copia confessed and had basically broken down about everything that had happened (with Sister and what happened to the other Papas) and how Copia felt so hopeless about it and conflicted. Silas just focused on just comforting him and calming him enough to stop the tears for a while. Because despite learning about the terrible stuff happening in the Ministry, he knew it wasn't Copia's fault, and he felt more protective over him since he realized how much of a threat Sister was to him. He realized that despite everything they had grown so close and cared about each other. And then after that, then he realized he had fallen in love. And then the internal conflicting angst started /j

Copia: It was actually around the same time. One of his biggest fears had been how Silas would react to the truth but to his surprise he reacted better than he'd thought, and then after that he realized they were pretty much always going to stick together no matter what and be there for each other. Then he realized his feelings for him.

Dannie: They realized they loved Murphy after a while of dating. Even after their ups and downs, they still wanted to be there for her and that's when they realized.

Murphy: It's a similar story but it was after she had a particularly bad day. Murphy really struggles with being vulnerable and showing her true feelings, so when she lets her walls down and is really honest with Dannie, she's scared of rejection. But Dannie obviously doesn't leave her after seeing her on a 'rough day' and so Murphy starts feeling more comfortable with them and then realizes she loves them.

That took a while 😅

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enhaheeseung · 2 years

Text

Angel pt.2 l. heeseung

Pairing: stripper heeseung X college graduate y/n reader.

Warnings: smut, unprotected sex, rough sex, mentions of alcohol, cursing, vulgar language, mentions of cheating, lots of angst, spitting kink, fluff, breeding kink. dirty talk, choking kink, daddy kink kind of, I think that’s it. If there is more, feel free to let me know.

contains hard dom heeseung, sub reader, brief mentions of jake, toxic relationship kinda, major time skip. (long-distance relationship.)

Summary: none cause I’m just so bad at them it’s embarrassing.

word count: 15,042 (lowkey proud of myself)

angel pt.1

masterlist

confessional

grab your popcorn cause this is a long one, besties🍿🥤

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Ever since you confessed to each other, you just couldn’t keep your hands off of him. the same could be said for him as well. Every morning at 2 am, right on the dot, you found yourself wrapped up in his arms, completely surrendering yourself to him. Being with him was the highlight of your every day. after all the studying and stress, he was always there to take care of you, to meet your every single need, and to help you unwind. Getting together with him was like clockwork.

But the deadline was coming. You only had one day before your departure, you contemplated just leaving without a single word, but every time the thought crossed your mind, it made your heart sink. You couldn’t just go without saying goodbye. But, unfortunately, there wasn’t anything that you could do. The dates had already been set.

You had to follow your dreams if he was there or not. Though you didn’t know how long you would be able to last without him. You had already gotten in way too deep.

And there was just one more thing you wanted to cross off your list of things to do with him.

Since the very beginning, the two of you never went all the way. But you had to make love with him just one time before you left him.

Your want overpowered your better judgment.

You figured there’s no better time to bring it up than right here right now. Even though he just gave you one of the best orgasms of your life, you still needed to feel him and connect with him like you never had before. one day was left, and you were going to make the most of it.

“so…. you started out slightly afraid of his answer. “when are we going to go all the way?” you looked up at him, rubbing small soothing circles on his chest, while he stared up at the ceiling.

His ears perked up.

“I thought you’d never ask,” he smiled down at you. “truthfully, I wanted to on the first night” there was no point in denying it.

You were not expecting that answer. But he was giving you the green light, and you took it.

You got up from on top of him and straddled his waist.

“Why don’t we start now?” he placed his hands on your thighs, signaling you to stay still.

“Something wrong? You ask him.

“Absolutely not. It’s just I don’t want our first time to be here. Let’s take this back to my place, where there’s an actual bed” he wanted everything to be perfect for his first time with you. he definitely wasn’t going to make love with you at some low-class place like a strip club.

Sure, that’s where he worked. But his standard for you was much higher than his standard for himself.

You got off of him dressing properly.

“let’s get going, shall we?” he grabbed your hand, leading you out of the club. He had already wrapped up everything before you got there.

Whenever you came over, which was every day. he always wanted the last thing he did to be you.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

You couldn’t even breathe the air of his apartment in before his lips were already sewn onto yours. You loved his kisses the most, even if they were sloppy and uncoordinated, or the ones where he would really focus on your lips. His kisses were the best, and they always will be.

You both tripped and stumbled your way to his bedroom, removing your clothing in the process, which proved to be rather difficult, but he couldn’t care less when he was with you.

He’d do anything it took to have you.

He pushed you to lay on his bed, positioning himself between your legs. You could feel his bulge pressed against you already, and as many times as you had him, you could never get used to the feelings he invoked in you.

Your heart was already racing in anticipation.

He reconnected his lips to yours, and it was as if he couldn’t get enough of the way your tongue traced over his bottom lip or how you’d swirl your tongue around his perfectly. he was absolutely stoked about making love to you. But if the only thing he could do was kiss you, he wouldn’t think twice about it.

He put his hand between your legs and started rubbing at your bud, gathering your slick on his fingers, wasting no time, he stuck two fingers in, your wetness being enough lubricant to slide them in easily, he thrust his fingers in and out of you slowly, relishing in the feeling of your warm walls sucking his fingers inside of you.

“open up,” he all but moaned into your mouth. He gathered his saliva and spat inside your mouth before attaching his lips to yours once again.

You moaned into the kiss while he continued to finger you, his thumb never leaving your now swollen clit.

He could feel you tightening around his fingers. You try to pull away to warn him of your approaching orgasm, but he could already tell from the way your walls were pulsating.

You couldn’t help but feel embarrassed by how fast he could have you coming.

“go ahead and let go for me. You’re always such a good girl,” after a few more encouraging words from him. Mixed with his warm fingertips brushing against that one special spot inside of you had your climax washing over you faster than it ever had before. You were seeing stars for the second time that night. Every orgasm he gave to you was always better than the previous.

He pulled his fingers away gently.

“you always look so sexy when you come undone for me” you hid your face with your hands, too embarrassed to make eye contact with him.

“Funny how you can stare into my soul when you’re sucking the life out of me, but when you come, you can’t even look my way,” he pouted, faking disappointment.

“well, if you can make me come again, I’ll make sure to look at you the whole time,” you challenged him.

“easy,” he rubbed his cock all over your pussy lips, gathering your juices. Knowing just how much of an impact he had on you.

“wait,” you were starting to worry a little. You’ve never done something like this before. You knew he would always take care of you. But your nerves were getting the best of you.

“are you okay? If you don’t want to, we can stop” he rubbed your cheek with the back of his hand to comfort you.

“no. I do, but it’s just that you’ll be my first,” you admit hoping that he wouldn’t think any different of you.

You couldn’t tell what he was thinking. He just sat there frozen, staring down at you.

He withdrew away from you a little to collect himself.

“y/n, I’m so sorry. I should have known. god, I’m so stupid.” he was beating himself up because he never thought about how you were feeling. “I only thought about what I wanted. I’m so selfish.”

“Hey, don’t say that. I want you right now more than anything in this whole entire world. You’re not stupid. There’s no way you could have known, and you’re not selfish either. You always make sure I’m fully taken care of and feeling good. just promise me you’ll be gentle.”

From then on, he was going to make it a point to find out as much about you as he could.

He looked at you with his watery eyes. he caressed your beautiful face with his soft, delicate hands once more. He felt so nervous. All he wanted to do was make sure you felt good,

“anything for you, my love” he placed one last kiss on your lips before pulling away.

He positioned himself at your entrance, pushing in only the tip, scanning your face attentively for any signs of discomfort. When he found none, he moved in, inch by inch, filling you up with his cock completely.

You were pleasantly surprised when you felt no pain at all. He had prepped you perfectly. You were so wet and stretched out from his fingers that he was able to just glide right in your pussy with ease.

“baby, please go faster” he instantly sped up his thrust wanting to meet your each and every expectation. And, of course, his own needs as well.

“fuck y/n, you’re still so tight, even after I stretched you out with my fingers. you feel so warm and perfect around me.”

you trapped him with your legs. he wasn’t going anywhere. But you made sure of it.

“I’ve thought about this so many times before, what it’d feel like to be stuffed full of your big cock”

he groaned at your dirty little confession.

“is it everything you imagined it would be?” he wanted to know what you thought of him. he always did.

“it’s everything and more” he couldn’t hold back the smile he felt forming on his face. As long as you were happy, so was he.

“your pussy is like a dream, except I’m wide awake” he wondered how someone could be so perfect and how he got lucky enough to claim you as his.

That just happened to be one really important detail he left out. In his head, you were his. But he hadn’t had that conversation with you yet.

He thumbed at your clit to make you reach your high.

“angel,” you moaned. After all this time, you still didn’t know his name.

You didn’t push for it either, and you figured it would come to light sooner than later in due time.

And you were right.

Now that his relationship with you was far more than just some raunchy strip club, he wanted to take things a step further with you.

“call me heeseung, love.”

And there it was. You felt closer to him now than you ever have. Technically because you were, he was buried to the hilt inside you, but that’s not what you meant. Now he revealed his real name, he took you back to his place to make love to you, and he made sure everything was absolutely perfect, this is the type of closeness you always longed for, and now that you found it, you would never ask for anything more.

The connection was there. And you were even happier than on the day of your graduation.

But happiness and sadness seem to always coincide with you. Now it would be even harder to say goodbye to him.

“oh fuck, heeseung, just a little bit more,” you moaned for his ears only.

Your eyes never left his, just like he wanted.

There was something so different about when you called his name. Something erupted in the pit of his stomach that he had never felt before. He finally felt like he was wanted, like he was needed. You were making him feel it since the first day he walked past that curtain and laid his eyes on you. There was no way he was ever letting you go.

You made him feel complete. He could only hope you felt the same way for him. and he was 99.9% sure that you did.

Only a few minutes had passed, and you were already coming on his cock, your walls encasing him perfectly.

“oh heeseung fuck, it feels so good” your whole body shook while you indulged in your high.

“I know, baby, you’re taking me so well” just a few more strokes, and he was coming deep inside you. “y/n, I love you, I love you so much,” he whispered while he pumped his come as deep in you as possible, he wanted to give you his all.

“I love you more,” you whisper to him, calming him from his intense orgasm. You rubbed the sides of his face gently while he watched you with his eyebrows knitted tightly together from the pleasure he was feeling.

You could both feel something different. this wasn’t like all the other times you had been together. It was special, don’t get it wrong, every second spent with each other was special. But tonight, you could feel it even more. It was so intimate that not even words could describe how you both felt at that moment.

You kissed him like it was the last time, and unfortunately for you and him, it would be, at least for a while.

He had settled his nerves, pulling out of you, careful not to hurt you.

And for the second time, you were wrapped in his arms. He made you feel like you were the only person that existed, and to him, you are.

He kissed your temple before breaking the silence.

“did you like it?” he asked, slightly unsure of himself. You had done a lot of things together. But this was the first time you made love.

“I loved it. Everything I do with you is always perfect, hee” he let out a surprised gasp.

“did you just give me a nickname?” he looked Perplexed. he couldn’t hide the blush rising to his cheeks. No one had ever called him out of his name before. he loved it. It was weird, but it made his heart feel at ease.

“do you not like it? I can chang-“

“no! I love it. Don’t ever call me anything else from now on” he rubbed your shoulder, massaging you.

“you know, this was even better than I imagined,” he confessed.

“you’ve imagined us like this before?”

“all the time, I was just waiting for the right moment, and this was absolutely perfect. I’ve imagined other things too, you know.”

“like what?” you were curious.

“All the things we could do together, like a first date, waking up next to you, holding your hand, being able to kiss you when and where ever I want to, and so many others.”

He let out a content sigh.

“maybe this is too much. But I’ve even thought about marrying you and having kids in the future,” his heart was racing a mile a minute. He was terrified of what your reaction would be. But he just wanted to be truthful with you. he could never be this open with anyone but you.

He didn’t know it, but he wasn’t ready for the commitment. Since he met you, he couldn’t pace himself, and he just wanted everything that he missed out on before.

You felt like complete shit. You had to tell him. this was probably the absolute worst time to do it, but there was no time left.

“hee, loo-“ he cut you off.

“I know it’s too soon. Just forget I said anything, okay?” he wanted to let himself down before you could.

Little did you both know, he’d be the one letting you down soon enough.

“it’s not that. I would love to do all those things with you, and I can’t think of anyone else I’d rather spend my time with” he felt relieved for all of a split second.

“So what’s the matter?” he assumed it was nothing good. His heart had already sunk to the pit of his stomach. It was just the waiting game now, but what came next was nothing he ever predicted.

“I’m leaving,” you quickly rushed out your words.

“What?” he looked at you, speaking with his voice barely above a whisper. “look, y/n, I thought I already said you weren’t good at joking.”

He prayed that you were joking, even if it was a very cruel, sick joke.

“I’m leaving in one day. I got accepted to study abroad. That’s the message I got when we were together, and I had to answer cause I was waiting for them to contact me” you spoke everything in one breath, thinking it would make it better somehow.

you felt him release you from his arms.

It took him a few seconds to register what you had said.

He felt like you were acting strange that night. He finally knew why. Everything made sense now.

He was looking you dead in the eye.

“and you’re only telling me now?” why d-didn’t you say something sooner? then maybe I could have done something” his eyes were already showing tears.

“what would you have done?” your expression mirrored his.

“I don’t know. Maybe I could have forced myself to not have feelings for you” he didn’t even know what to say. He was just too hurt to even fully comprehend what was happening.

Just the idea of him not having feelings for you anymore made your tears fall.

“I can’t believe you. I trusted you. I was always truthful with you, even if it meant losing you, and this is the best you have for me. Did you ever love me? or was this all just some little game to you?”

He hadn’t always been truthful, but he would come to realize that later.

“hee, I-“

“you! are not allowed to call me that anymore” he got out of bed, putting his clothes back on.

“I planned my whole future with you in it, and this whole time, you were planning on leaving me out of yours?” he shook his head. “I should have known better,” he scoffed at you.

“it’s not like that, I swear!”

“then what is it!” he yelled, causing more tears to fall from your eyes.

“I didn’t think you’d have feelings for me, okay? I had planned on seeing you one last time and then leaving. I just wanted to get some closure on my feelings for you and just forget this ever happened” though it was the truth, it sounded way worse on his ears.

“to just forget about me, huh? I guess it’s just that easy for you. to make someone fall in love with you, just to move on, and leave them in the past” he was broken.

He was in love with something, but it wasn’t you, not yet, at least.

“you’re not understanding me,” you tried to plead with him.

“I understand perfectly fine. You’re leaving. what more is there to understand?”

You just sat there with tears in your eyes. This turned out worse than you ever thought it would.

“y/n, I think you’re the one that’s not understanding.”

he looked you in the eyes. Hating the tears that fell from them. He hated the fact that he was the cause of them.

“Without you, I’m nothing,” and now you were broken. “but hey, look on the bright side” he smiled bitterly, fake enthusiasm in his tone. “I’ll just skip this part of my life. Move on, and forget you ever existed.

He was speaking out of anger and sadness. He didn’t mean a word of it. He was just upset that you were leaving.

“just go, I can’t stand you,” he lied. he just couldn’t see you anymore. He knew he’d be at your feet, begging for you not to leave if he did.

You gathered all your clothes putting them on. Before leaving, he spoke to you one last time.

“so much for not ever doing anything to hurt me, but I suppose that’s right, you didn’t hurt me. you broke me.”

So that was just it.

“I’m sorry. And I'll never forget you” you left him for the last time.

After you left, he just laid in his bed crying his eyes out, and he felt so sick. All he wanted was to just die.

He’s never felt such pain, it hurt so much that he didn’t know what to do.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The dreadful day had finally arrived. What was supposed to be the best day of your life ended up being the worst. It was spent full of nothing but tears and sorrow. You expected him not to be happy about your departure, but when he said he’d just forget you ever existed, that really just hurt you the most.

There was no way you could ever forget him. even if you tried, so how could he say those words to you so easily? You felt like a piece of you was missing. And to a large extent, it was. of course, You spoke to your family and friends about leaving, but you didn’t want anyone to be there if he wasn’t. It was selfish. The people that had been with you throughout everything, you shut them out over a guy you hadn’t even known for a year. But the weird part is you didn’t care.

If he wasn’t going to be there, you didn’t want anyone else to be either.

He ruined your life. Wait, let’s rephrase that, you allowed him to ruin your life by letting him in and falling in love with him.

It’s almost like you had no drive to even continue life without him. You just kept moving like you always had because, well, you had to.

You weren’t too sure how much further that would take you though, cause you found yourself contemplating seeing him again.

Just like before,

Sure it was selfish. It was extremely selfish of you. You hurt him. and you still have the nerve to show your face, but you had to see your baby just one last time, even though things ended on rocky terms, or rather you and Him would no longer be seeing each other terms. You had to go to him and let him know that this wasn’t just a game to you. It never was.

And you were going to tell him just how much you truly do love him.

Even if he didn’t love you back

And maybe beg him to wait two years for you. Actually, take out that maybe part.

You were going to beg him to wait for you.

You read the lit-up sign “love 24hrs” they got that right, only for you, it wasn’t just 24hrs. It would be the rest of your life. It’s funny how life works. Just a few months ago, you were stressed about a career, and now that you were finally working towards one, there was something else to worry about. You realized it would always be one thing after the other. But you never imagined him to come along and swoop you right off your feet in a matter of minutes,

it was like magic.

He had you changing directions for him.

What do they call it? Oh! Right.

You were head over heels for him. That’s what it was.

You made your way to the building opening the door, you obviously were a regular, so you went straight to his room.

Hopefully, he’s not busy.

Within minutes he was standing before you, looking as uninterested as ever. His expression is the exact opposite of what it used to be upon seeing you.

But He had a really good poker face. He was dying on the inside, He was so happy to see you, but he still wanted to play hard.

So he wasn’t busy.

You just looked at your feet. The love you were going to profess and the words you had planned to tell him were stuck in your throat. You just couldn’t say them. and his heavy gaze on you was not helping your situation.

“what are you doing here? you have no right to be here.”

ouch.

“i-i know that. but I just needed to see you one last time.”

“for what? You mean you just need to use me one last time, is that it?” he folded his arms.

He hated the fact that if you did indeed only come for sex, he’d give it to you in a heartbeat. Just to get that feeling, only you could give him.

“that’s not what I came here for, and we both know it.”

“What more do you want from me? I gave you my love, but apparently, that wasn’t enough for you.”

You figured it would be easier to just show him.

So you did.

You showed him.

Words seemed to be meaningless in this situation anyway.

Plus, you really just wanted to kiss him.

You kissed his lips one time, as soft as you possibly could, while wrapping your arms around him, holding him just how you knew he liked. If this didn’t convey what you came to do, then you didn’t know what would.

He so badly wanted to act like he wasn’t affected by your touch. He wanted to pretend like he knew you didn’t love him, just so it could hurt a little less. But he couldn’t. And he could never stay mad at you. he never wanted to harm you in any way, especially if that meant putting your dreams at risk. He’d never come in the way of that. Even if he so selfishly wanted to, he knew how much it meant to you. If it meant a lot to you, then it meant a lot to him.

He thought he’d be happy if you were happy, but that was untrue. Little did he know you weren’t happy, not one bit.

now it was your turn to say

“I missed you” it hadn’t even been one full day yet.

You pulled back, only to have him lean further into you, chasing your lips for another kiss.

“not more than I missed you” he pulled away from you, looking into your eyes. the ones that held his whole entire universe in them.

He hugged you tighter than he ever had before, hoping it would somehow make you stay.

He cried into your shoulder.

“don’t go,” and just like he knew he would if he looked at your face any longer the night prior, he would have begged you to stay, and here he is begging you to stay.

“Just stay here. I have enough money for us to live comfortably. You don’t need a career. I’ll work for you. Just I’ll do anything. please don’t go, please don’t leave me.”

“I have to,” you hugged him back.

“But why?” he sniffles.

“because I’ve worked my entire life for this moment. I can’t pass it up.”

“not even for me?” Although that was extremely tempting, you couldn’t.

“Please wait for me, hee. I'm literally begging you. wait just two years, and then I’m all yours.”

“How can I live a whole two years without you? I could barely go a week without you.”

“don’t worry. I’ll call you every single day. I'll face time you too. Just promise you won’t ever forget my existence.”

“I swear you’re literally the only reason that I exist” he rested his forehead on yours, trying to enjoy the last moments he’d get to spend with you.

Minutes had passed before You pulled away from the hug, bittersweet smiles playing on both of your faces and wiping each other's tears.

“Is there anything I can do to make you stay?” he held your tiny hands in his. he was being selfish again. Something you both seemed to have mastered ever since the day you first met.

“there’s nothing,” you told him apologetically.

He didn’t want to accept it. But it was out of his control.

“well, since you’ll be gone for a whole two years, let me give you a little parting gift” he took your hand and placed it near his crotch. “what do you say we put this couch to good use, one last time?” he raised a brow waiting for your approval.

How could you ever deny him?

It was more of a gift for him than you, but his mind was too foggy to deduce what he was feeling.

“one last time,” you say to him, pushing him back on the couch.

“I want to take care of you this time.”

“but y/n, you’re the one who’s leaving” having you do all the work just didn’t feel right to him.

“no buts,” you shushed him. “first, this has to go” you pulled his shirt off, admiring the way his muscles would appear whenever he took in a breath.

You let your soft hands roam all over his chest. He started tensing up whenever you added more pressure.

“I'm sorry about last night. I was upset. I just wanted you to know before you leave.” he lowered his head apologetically,

“don’t be. You had every right to be upset. If anything, I'm sorry for not telling you sooner.” his eyes met yours again,

“I forgive you,” he whispers, bringing your face closer so he can get a taste of your perfect lips.

You tangled your hands in his now blonde hair. The pink had faded a while ago. You missed it. But something about the blonde made him look even more beautiful than he already was.

It would never be him to pull away from you first. But you needed to breathe, so you put your hand on his shoulders to push yourself away.

But he had different intentions. He always did.

“no,” and if anything, he pulled you even closer to him.

It was the best make-out session you ever had with him by far. Your most favorite thing about kissing him was when he’d swipe his tongue over your lips just to stick it right back inside your mouth, swirling it around, tasting every last inch of you.

He didn’t even realize when he started getting hard, only thinking about the way your lips felt on his.

On the other hand, you could definitely feel it, and it wasn’t doing much for the growing ache between your legs. You would never get used to this feeling with him.

You needed some type of friction. So you began moving back and forth on him slowly, allowing him to feel your warm core rutting against him.

He could definitely feel it now. He’s never felt so sensitive before. Every touch was bringing him closer to the edge, and he made no moves to back away.

He let you push him to the point of no return.

Your noses brushed against each other’s, exchanges of heavy breaths in between kisses. He wasn’t just giving you a gift. He was giving you a whole reward.

It wasn’t long before his angelic moans filled your ears, your favorite sound. And you loved the fact that it was all for you. You loved that you were the only one that could make him fall apart.

You finally broke away from him, earning an annoyed groan.

“calm down baby, How else am I gonna be able to ride your cock if you can’t keep your lips off of mine?”

“you do have a point” he still wanted to kiss you, though.

You got off of him to remove his pants along with his boxers. His cock laid out on his abdomen, with precum seeping out of his pink tip.

His lip caught between his teeth, watching you getting naked in front of him.

You didn’t miss the way he twitched in excitement of finally being inside of you again.

“eager?” you teased him a little.

“for you, I always am” you had total control over him.

You sat back on his lap, letting his cock meet with your wet cunt.

You had barely even come in contact with him before he was groaning from the slightest touch. Chills ran up his spine.

You dragged your pussy up and down his length, giving him a preview before the real thing. You kissed him again. His lips were like silk against yours.

“This feels too good,” he praised you. he felt so easy. he wasn’t even inside yet, and he was already losing all self-control. You were the only one to make him like that.

“you like that? You like it when I rub myself all over your long, hard cock?” he didn’t miss the emphasis you put on the last three words. It made his head spin.

He almost choked from your words. he was letting out strangled moans while you continued to grind on him.

“I love it so much,” needless to say. He was in his own little world.

Wrapping your arms around him, you bend down a little, attaching your mouth to his neck, sucking on it harshly. You wanted to mark him up so he could remember this night for a long time. Even if you didn’t leave marks, there’s no way he’d ever forget the day you left him.

“more” you sucked every spot on his neck that you could reach, giving him what he wanted.

You licked a stripe up his neck, flicking your tongue at his adam’s apple. He was like putty under you.

“Please, Just fuck me already,” he complained. You rode him a bit faster. The friction was making his temperature increase greatly as sweat beads started forming on his pretty forehead.

You were both so wet that you were sliding on his dick with ease. You repositioned your body, so you could slip his dick inside of you.

And god, was the stretch absolutely amazing. That slight pain mixed with the heat from his dick had your world completely upside down.

“fuck, fuck, fuck” seemed to be the only word he knew at the moment. He focused on the way he felt inside of you with his eyes meeting yours.

You sunk down on him all the way, letting his tip hit your sweet spot.

He was lost in your eyes. he didn’t know where else to focus other than the beauty that sat before him, making him feel absolutely wonderful.

“Your cock is so perfect. Everything about you is perfect” he let out tiny whimpers at your praise. You bounced on him a little faster. He couldn’t help but grab both your breast in his hands, kneading them from time to time and rolling your hard perky nipples between his fingers.

You continue to bounce up and down on his shaft. The sound of your ass slapping Against his thighs brought him a little too much joy while he watched his cock slide in and out of your tight grip. He loved the way your pussy lips stretched so far to accommodate his girth.

He was already getting close. But he felt like he needed just a little bit more before he could release.

“choke me,” he blurted out without thinking about anything other than his orgasm and just how good you looked while riding him.

“what?” it’s not that you wouldn’t. You just didn’t think he would be into that.

“Please, I need you to” he’d do anything just to have your hand wrapped around his throat as he climaxes.

You all too eagerly obliged his request. His eyes nearly rolled in the back of his head. The sight only made you fuck his cock harder and faster. Each time you came down on him, his tip met your cervix. You weren’t gonna last much longer, especially from his fucked out expressions and the lewd noises he was letting out.

“you’re so beautiful,” he really was. You could tell he liked it when you called him that from the twitch you felt and the sweet little cry that followed after.

“ah… ah ahh!” his moans started increasing in volume each time you sucked him in fully. It’s a good thing no one else could hear because his sounds were nothing but sinful.

“gonna come for me, baby?”

“I…fuck, o.. oh fuck yes, yes, yes” he looked at you with soft shining eyes, chanting over and over again. Though it was a bit difficult to speak when your hand was wrapped around his neck securely.

“come then” you squeezed his neck tighter, sinking down on him even further than before you felt his familiar liquid fill your insides.

He used what energy he had left to rub circles on your clit. He felt your walls clench down, draining him of all his release.

“come all over my cock like the good little girl that you are,” the sound of his deep, hoarse voice commanding you to come. Had you creaming on him instantly, walls quivering on his dick. The over-sensitivity made you cry out in pleasure.

“there you go, let it all out. such a dirty little thing, all for my cock”

“all for you,” you moaned. You fell on his chest, moving slowly to ride out your high. While he hugged you to feel you even closer.

When those words left your lips, he knew he couldn’t be without you.

You both calmed down, catching your breaths. he helped you get from on top of him, pulling you to lay on his sweaty chest. He didn’t know what he liked more, the sex or the cuddles and kisses that always came afterward. He just couldn’t choose. He loved everything about you.

“don’t say things like that anymore” he felt pain in his chest.

“like what hee?”

“that you’re all for me, don’t say that.”

“it’s true. I don’t want anyone else but you” he knew it was true, but for how long.

“did you forget that you’re leaving? There’s gonna be other guys there, and you’ll probably move on and forget me. What’s so special about me that you can’t find it somewhere else?” he felt insecure. He knew he wasn’t good enough for you. But that didn’t stop him from wanting you all for himself. He knew you could do so much better than him.

Was he being fucking serious right now?

“what are you talking about? there’s plenty of girls hanging off of you every night, but I never question your love for me.”

“that’s easy for you to say. Only a fool would cheat on you.”

“so, what are you saying? Do you think you’re not good enough for me?

“maybe”

“that’s a yes or no question, baby.”

“no. I’m not,” he told you honestly.

“you mean so much to me, hee, more than you know.”

“do you know what it would do to me if you found someone new?” he asks you.

“tell me,” you said while you played with his hair.

“It would kill me” he felt the lump forming in his throat. He hated it. He felt it too often. He couldn’t help but wonder if it would ever go away.

“It would kill me too,” you whisper to him. he closed his eyes, wishing this moment could just last forever.

“and for the record, you’re more than special to me.”

you wiped the stray tear from his temple.

“you’re my everything.”

“Then don’t go, just stay with me,” he did and didn’t understand all at the same time.

“I leave in a few hours. will you be there to see me off?”

he really wanted to, but he knew he wouldn’t be able to bear it.

Selfish.

“I just can’t.”

“do you love me?”

he didn’t know how to answer. A month ago, he wouldn’t have wasted a second to give you a response, but right now, his mind was hazy. Not knowing if the emotions he was feeling were clouding his next words.

He was considering the fact that maybe he didn’t, maybe he was in love with the way you made him feel or the way you were so easy to connect with, maybe he was taking you for granted.

“of course, I do, baby,” for the first time. He didn’t know if he was telling you the truth or not.

“then come, just see me one last time.”

“okay. I’ll be there for you. one last time” he laced your fingers with his, feeling relaxed just from your touch.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

You said all your goodbyes, well, except for one.

Everything was packed, all your belongings were tucked away neatly, you were patiently waiting for him to arrive, you had 1 hour before departure, the minutes were counting down, and he was still nowhere to be found. You tried calling him only to get no answer. He had given you his number the night you told him you’d be leaving, so you could call him just like you promised.

With a half-hour left, you started feeling anxious, and there was still no answer from him.

What if he decided not to show? No, he wouldn’t do that. He never lied to me before.

You convinced yourself he’d be there.

Five minutes until boarding, You heard the announcement.

You stood up, searching for him, looking all around to see if he was there.

He wasn’t.

Even when you were finally on the plane, you looked out the window, hoping you would see a faint glimpse of him somewhere.

You didn’t know what you felt. Hurt? Anger? Sadness? But ultimately, it was heartbreak and disappointment.

You didn’t know why he lied or why he didn’t show up, and it was killing you inside. This was going to be the worst two years of your life.

And your heart was to blame for that.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

heeseung felt terrible for what he did to you. But what else could he do? he couldn’t give you false hope. But lying didn’t make that any better.

He looked at the clock 8 pm on the dot. Just like you said, he imagined you waiting there for him, thinking he’d show up and say goodbye one last time.

He prayed you didn’t cry.

He prayed you weren’t hurting,

and he prayed you would forgive him.

No matter how much he prayed and cried, he couldn’t justify what he’d done.

He figured it out. Sometime down the road.

He wasn’t in love with you.

He was in love with the way you were able to make him feel like he was special.

The night you left, the sex wasn’t just sex to him. he wanted to feel that love that only you could give to him, just one more time.

No one had ever made him feel like he was more than just his looks. Not until you came along, the confidence you gave him was astronomical. he felt pride when he made you come, he felt pride when you spent every last dollar you had on him, he knew you needed him, he knew you loved him.

And that was all he searched for his whole life. But when he got It, He abused it. He wanted to feel what it was like to be loved and not always love someone back.

He wanted someone to feel the same way he was made to feel his whole life.

He was toxic.

And he knew it. Although he wasn't all to blame, part of it was from an environment that was hard to break away from.

He took you for granted unwantedly.

time skip

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Every day that passed felt like years without him. Well, actually, it had already been a year and a few months.

Every day you called him, knowing he wouldn’t answer, but you just needed to hear his voice again.

You listened to his voicemail every single day without fail.

You felt guilty. You felt like everything was all your fault.

In all actuality, you had done nothing wrong. But you didn’t know that, so for every day that passed, you beat yourself up for it.

You always wondered if you went back in time and did things differently. Maybe you’d Hear his morning voice greeting you and telling you to have an amazing day.

Instead, it was those same words on repeat.

“hi, this is heeseung. If I’m not answering your call, it’s not cause I’m ignoring you. I’m just busy. I’ll call you as soon as possible” I guess you would count that as his second lie. He was, in fact, ignoring you, and there was nothing you could do about it.

You just curled up in a ball at night, crying yourself to sleep. It was near impossible, but after you worked yourself to the point of complete exhaustion and cried for so long, you slept like a newborn baby.

And that’s how every day went for months.

It never hurt less. You thought it would, but if anything, it only hurt more cause it’s been so long without him.

It wasn’t worth it.

You were wrong when you said you had to follow your dreams. He was your dream. And you left him behind.

You could never move on from him. You could never love someone else again.

What’s the point of having all these great achievements if your life has already ended?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

He wasn’t okay by any means. The guilt was eating him alive, bit by bit, piece by piece.

The images of you playing in his mind so vividly. from the face you made when you were coming only for him and your bright smile whenever he’d compliment you. And he swore he could still hear your laugh resonating in his ears.

He wondered why he even still thought about you. not a minute passed without you flooding his mind.

He wondered if you found someone new.

He wondered why the thought of you saying the things you said only to him to another guy was making his blood boil.

After all that, Wondering, he finally gave himself a headache.

He knew why. It’s because he was nothing but a selfish piece of shit. He wanted you to himself, but not for the same reason that you wanted him.

He just wanted validation from you, and now that he didn’t have it, he didn’t know what to do with himself.

He even tried to do the same things he did with you with other girls, but that never worked. Even the thought made him feel sad.

He’d wake up in the middle of the night calling your name. Even when he slept, he still thought of you.

No one could ever replace you. not even the six-pack he’d drown himself in every night before bed.

He was back to his old ways, but somehow he felt even more useless than before.

He needed you now more than ever, and you were nowhere to be found.

So he decided to try and feed his hunger. And just like he knew you would, even after months of him ignoring you, you picked up his call on the first ring.

“hee?” this definitely wasn’t his best idea cause the way his heart sank from you still calling him the nickname you gave him after so long made him melt.

He ended the call immediately.

It took him nearly two years to realize through the pain and hurt everyone put him through. You came along and made it all go away. It was like he was left all alone wounded on the side of the street, then you came along and made him your responsibility. you took him in, and you bandaged all his cuts, sealing them with a gentle kiss making everything all better.

He knew when he would touch himself and still only thought of you.

He knew when he didn’t feel a thing when he looked at other girls.

He knew when he heard your voice call out so sweetly to him over the phone.

He knew he loved you.

He finally had clarity. He was free.

And since you gave him your number and the apartment name that you stayed at, he didn’t think twice before booking a flight as soon as possible to tell you just how much you really meant to him.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

He was more nervous than he was the first time he made love to you, even though he hid it quite well.

He had to make sure he looked presentable when he went to see the love of his life. It wasn’t every day he had to get ready to meet an actual goddess.

Spraying on your favorite cologne of his, which just so happened to be his favorite as well. he may or may not have decided that based on your decision. It seemed like you had a lot to do with the things he did lately.

His outfit?

The same one he wore the first time he laid his eyes on you.

“you couldn’t go wrong with black, right?” he smiles to himself, remembering that night like it was just yesterday.

He just had to get one more thing before he was off to see you.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

After he called you a while ago, you decided to spare yourself any more hurt. Sure, you’d always be hurt, but you didn’t need a constant reminder.

He probably just called by accident anyways.

You figured if he was willing to lie, what was off-limits, and now there were doubt’s in your mind about him, there was no need in waiting any longer. He probably found someone new and moved on from you a long time ago. You felt pathetic for waiting on him this long.

With the help of your cousin jake, you were finally starting to slowly recover and move on from him. It was hard. but you had to.

Maybe you would even try and find someone new. You still deserved to be happy.

You had invited Jake over to stay at your place and just hang out. He was the only person there that you knew. So it was nice being able to see him again.

You helped him when he was down, and he helped you when you were having a hard time. Your bond grew even stronger than before.

You really cherished him.

You two sat on the carpet sharing Snacks and watching a show. You were happy to finally relax somewhat after months of crying and feeling that aching pain in your chest and those nasty migraines you got from how many tears you shed.

Just then, the doorbell suddenly rang and knocked you from your thoughts.

“did you order food?” you ask jake.

He looked at you and shook his head as a no.

“so who is that?

“I don’t know, but I’ll get it just in case” he walked towards the door. Looking through the peephole, he saw a boy with his head lowered, holding some flowers in his hand, tapping his foot impatiently.

He looked harmless. So he opened the door.

To be met with no other than heeseung.

heeseung’s smile dropped as soon as he saw you hadn’t answered the door.

“do I have the wrong address?” he wondered, scratching his head.

“are you looking for someone in particular?” jake asked the other male.

“yeah, i-i thought y/n would be here. I guess she’s not?” he sighed disappointedly. He thought you might have gone somewhere else. His mind was racing, thinking of places you might have gone until he heard that voice he missed so much after all this time.

“jake, who is it?” his heart had stopped beating for a second.

So you did replace him already. he couldn’t blame you, though. But it still hurt like hell either way.

“some guy is looking for you. He’s pretty hot too,” he whispered, the last part causing you to roll your eyes. You got up and walked to the door, and you almost had a heart attack the moment you laid your eyes on him.

“heeseung?” he didn’t answer you, only staring at the two of you being so close to each other.

“o-oh,” his voice cracked. “I didn’t realize I was interrupting something” he hid the flowers behind his back.

“so it’s you and him now, huh?” he said, pointing between the two of you. Now that jake knew who he was, he took that as his cue to leave you two alone.

“y/n, I think I should get going. See you tomorrow” jake quickly snatched up all his things, leaving the two of you in the doorway before you could even say goodbye.

“mind telling me what the fuck is going on?” he barged past you forcing himself in. slamming the door behind him.

“what are you doing here?”

“don’t try and change the fucking subject now. Who is he? and what the hell is he doing over here with you alone?” he knew he didn’t have a right to act like this. But what could he do? He thought someone had taken his girl.

“tell me who he is,” he demanded.

“it’s not like you even care” he looked into your eyes. That same guilt he felt a year ago was even stronger now that he stood right in front of you. “you don’t answer my calls. you weren’t there to say goodbye, so why even show up here after all this time?”

“look, y/n, I made a mistake, okay?”

you just laughed at him bitterly.

“a mistake? Is that what you call it? You had me waiting for you, making a complete fool out of myself. You know I called you every day for months, knowing you wouldn’t answer. But I just wanted to be with you so bad that I let your voicemail play over and over cause I just needed to hear your voice. I needed something to hold onto. I beat myself up every day, thinking I did something wrong, but ultimately it was you who lied to me. I held out so much hope, but when you called me that night, that’s when I knew I couldn’t keep waiting for you any longer.”

“y/n,” he spoke to you softly.

“I’m not fucking finished yet. I cried myself to sleep every night. I even worked myself to the point of exhaustion just to try and keep my mind off you, but every time I thought of something, it only reminded me of you. you want to know who that was that just left?”

He looked at you expectingly.

“he’s the only reason why I'm still sane. He helped me get over you. he helped me realize that you’re not worth it, and he was right.”

He seemed to only focus on the part you said about getting over him.

“what do you mean by getting over me? y/n?… tell me I'm still the only one you’ll ever love” his hands were trembling while his grip on the flowers became impossibly tight.

“what does it sound like to you?”

he tried to speak, but no words would come out.

When he came here, he only thought of the two of you living happily ever after. This wasn’t how he imagined it would go. But because of him, your relationship fell completely apart. he wanted to go back in time. Just to hear you say I love you. he needed to hear it just one more time.

“tell me you love me” he was desperate.

You didn’t answer.

“then tell me you don’t love me” he felt tingles all over his body.

Still nothing

“Can you at least tell me who that was?” he needed to know if you moved on even if it was none of his business. Your silence was slowly getting on his last nerve. Without thinking, he walked closer to you, closing any distance that was left. His lips were already glued to yours before you could protest, not to say you wanted to. You felt pathetic for letting him back in so easily, but you loved him to death.

He was a drug.

And you were the addict. You couldn’t resist.

His touch was everything you needed. It felt even better after all this time.

He was shocked when you kissed him back. But he kept his composure, well, as much as he could anyway.

“can he make love to you the way I can? Does he know where to touch you to have you coming in seconds? Does he?…. would he fly across the world, beg for your forgiveness, and tell you just how sorry he is for ignoring you? Would he beg for your love?” he didn’t want to be a homewrecker. But you were his and nobody else’s.

“he wouldn’t,” you finally replied against his lips.

“exactly”

“because he’s my cousin.”

“What!?” he squeaks out.

You couldn’t help but chuckle at his expression. Even after what he did, it still felt so good to finally see him again.

He stepped away from you, feeling the embarrassment flooding his system.

“I'm sorry. I thought you and him were, you know? and then when he answered the door, I saw you, and” he was moving his hands frantically while trying to explain himself until he finally just gave up. “I’m sorry.”

“we’re not together. But there’s still so much you need to tell me. Why do you think you can just show up here after all this time?

You just wanted to know why.

“Can we not do this now? I only just got here” he wasn’t ready to explain what he had done. Even though he was standing right in front of you, he still couldn’t bring himself to tell you the truth.

“I think it’s best to tell me now. I've waited long enough.” you were going to force it out of him if you had to.

He wasn’t ready, but you had every right to know.

“I didn’t come cause I wasn’t sure if I loved you” he avoided all eye contact. He felt so disgusted with himself.

There was no way he could be telling the truth, right?

“in the beginning, and even up till a while ago, I only realized that I was absolutely in love with you. The day I called you and I heard your voice, that’s when I knew that I couldn’t go without seeing you any longer. But I just had to make sure, and I didn’t want to hurt you more than I already have. I never wanted to hurt you.”

“so all the times you said you did, you were lying to me?” you ask, slowly backing away from him.

He wanted to pull you in his arms so badly.

“it’s not like that. I was confused. I didn’t know how to feel. I’ve never been in love before. In the beginning, I was in love with the way you gave me validation and made me feel like I was cared for, but when I thought of you doing what you do with me with another guy, it made me sick to my stomach. The idea of you forgetting about me made me miserable. I literally drank myself to sleep every night to try and forget, only to wake up with you still on my mind” he probably should have stopped talking right then and there.

“I tried being with other girls, but I just couldn’t. Whenever it even crossed my mind, I felt disgusted. it always felt like I was cheating on you, even though I never even laid a finger on them.”

You couldn’t believe your ears. This was too much to digest all at once.

“you haven’t even made me your girlfriend. It wouldn’t have been cheating. You can do whatever you want. we’re not even together.”

“for what it’s worth, in my mind, you were always mine. Even if I never said it out loud,” even if what he was saying was the truth, you didn’t know what to believe.

Once he lied, it was hard to trust him again. But to put it simply, you were really stupid.

And luckily for you, he wasn’t lying.

“you lied to me” it’s amazing how his past always came back around to stab him in the back. If he could erase what he did to you, he would, no matter the cost. But he couldn’t. Now he was going to do everything in his power to gain back your love and trust.

“and I'm so sorry for that. but I’m asking you to please believe me when I say that you’re the only one I’ll ever love”

“I need time” you had to keep your ground.

“how much time?”

“I'm here for another month. I'll let you know when I go back home.”

“what? y/n, it’s already been a year. I need you now, more than ever.”

“if you need me now, you’ll still need me when I get back.”

he wanted to protest so bad, but he took what he could get. He was lucky you were even still giving him a chance.

“okay. Oh, and I bought these for you. I hope you like roses” he extended his hand to give them to you. not overstepping his boundaries.

“they’re my favorite,” and after a year of not seeing your smile, it felt like he was in heaven when he finally saw it again.

You would always be beautiful in his eyes, no matter what.

He was happy that even after everything, he could still make you smile. That’s all he ever wanted.

He stood awkwardly scratching his neck, such a simple act of giving you flowers made him so nervous.

“that’s good,” he said quietly. He looked at his wrist only to remember that he didn’t wear a watch, he facepalmed. he was feeling shy knowing that you were looking at him, you made him forget how to function.

He’s so cute.

See? stupid. You were letting him back in just like that.

“well, it’s late. I should probably get going now,” he said as he made no moves to walk out the door.

He didn’t want to leave.

“where are you gonna stay?” you asked, knowing he hadn’t thought that far ahead.

“umm… yeah, that, I really didn’t think about that,” he admitted. When he left, he only thought about seeing the love of his life.

At least you weren’t the only stupid one.

“you can always stay here for the night if you’d like?” he tried so hard to hide his smile, ultimately failing.

“I would love to!” he faked coughed. “i-i mean sure.” he cleared his throat, looking everywhere except at you.

Cute.

If jake were here, he’d surely be glaring at you right now. But how could you not drool over him, he looked so good. he had dyed his hair black, and it was definitely your favorite color on him so far.

“I have some of my cousin’s spare clothes you can get changed. And I'll make you something to eat. The bathroom is the door on the right.”

You were squealing on the inside. he looked even more handsome now. And his outfit did not go unnoticed by you.

He remembered.

“thank you for everything. I really mean it. Even if we don’t go back to the way we used to be, I’ll still be happy knowing that you know how much I care about you.

You flashed him your famous smile.

He went to get changed. His heart was beating so fast. You were making him incredibly nervous, so nervous that he went into your bedroom instead of the bathroom.

Oops.

“on the right.”

“right,” he quickly shut your door. His face was on fire from embarrassment.

When he entered the bathroom, it just got worse when he saw a pair of your underwear laying on the ground. His eyes nearly bulged out of his head at the sight.

“oh my god,” he covered his face with his hands, trying not to look. He felt his whole body begin to shake. It was the same pair you wore when you first met.

He quickly jumped into the shower, making sure to turn on the cold water. This was for sure going to be a long night.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

After you had dinner, you both decided to get ready for bed. It wasn’t uncomfortable at all. It felt like a regular hangout with a friend, except he wasn’t. he was still basically a stranger, a stranger that you had sex with too many times to count on two hands and maybe your toes too.

He stretched out on the sofa, trying his best to get comfortable.

“what are you doing?” you looked at him weirdly.

“getting ready to sleep?” he said as if he was asking you for permission.

“on the couch?

“Yeah, where else?” he truly didn’t even think about your next proposal.

“my bed” the look on his face was absolutely priceless.

“Are you sure? I don’t want to make you uncomfortable.”

“hee, I don’t hate You.”

“so you still love me?”

“I never said that” he frowned. You did indeed still love him. You just wanted him to prove his loyalty to you. You couldn’t let your guard down so easily.

But time would prove otherwise.

“come on, sleepyhead,” you grabbed his hand, leading him to your bed.

He followed after you like a lost puppy.

You only realize that this was a complete mistake when you lay under the covers and he cuddles you out of habit.

You melted into his body.

Minutes had passed before it hit him.

He jerked his whole body away from you immediately.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to. It’s just reflex” he wasn’t thinking. But you were Making no moves to stop him.

“Why did you stop? I was enjoying that,” and just like that, you were already letting your guard down.

You just couldn’t get enough of him.

“Really?” you didn’t answer. You only pulled his hand back around your waist, scooting your butt flush against his hips.

you started to shift to get more comfortable. *cough cough* more comfortable.

So many alarms were going off in his head. He tensed up completely when he felt you all but wiggle your ass on his crotch, and He knew he couldn’t hold himself back. The last time he did anything was the night you left. It had been many months since then. Plus, It was pointless if you weren’t the one bringing him to his orgasm. he moved back slightly, assuming you weren’t aware of what you were doing to him. But when he did, you moved back even further to chase his warmth. he didn’t even try to pull away anymore,

too weak to resist.

The urge was getting too strong to ignore. Now thoughts of your underwear from earlier came rushing to his mind. He tried to think of something else. But he just couldn’t.

you were literally pressed up on him, and there was no way he was thinking about anything other than you

And what made it even worse was the fact that he was starting to get hard, and there was no way you wouldn’t feel it. He just hoped for his sake that you wouldn’t mention it.

Well, you didn’t have to when you made him moan unintentionally with one particular back and forth motion.

“Are you okay? You played innocent.

“perfectly fine,” he gritted through his teeth.

He was the exact opposite of fine.

You looked over your shoulder at him, meeting his eyes with yours as you started moving again, letting him know exactly what you were up to.

He just stared into your eyes with his jaw clenched tightly.

Letting you do what you wanted.

His grip on your waist tightened as he moved his hips in sync with yours. He thought he was dreaming.

But when you felt his hard-on against your backside and let out the most beautiful moans he’d ever heard, he knew it was all too real.

“if we start, I'm not going to be able to stop.”

“I'm not asking you to.”

within seconds he was all over you.

His hands desperately touched every inch he could reach.

In the beginning, he wanted you, then you didn’t know if you wanted him and vice versa

this whole dynamic seemed like it would never end. The uncertainty between you two was something that felt like it would never disappear. It was like trying to connect two opposite sides of a magnet. No matter how hard you tried, they would never come together as one.

He was already painfully hard, rubbing himself on you. It had been far too long since he felt this good.

“everything off now,” he commanded you.

You were not one that needed to be told more than once. You laid completely naked only for him.

“your beauty will always amaze me” even in moments like this where all he wanted to do was ruin you, he never forgot to let you know what he thought about when he looked at you.

He rested his head in the crook of your neck, ghosting his lips across your skin, kissing you ever so gently. That would be the only thing that he did to you that was gentle tonight.

He lowered his sweats with his underwear, getting undressed.

In a flash, he had you bent over with your face buried in the pillows.

“Just tell me if it’s too much” he removed his shirt before inserting his dick inside you slowly. He didn’t even have to prep you. You were always soaking from a single touch from him. Plus, it had been almost two years since anyone had touched you, including yourself.

It was a feeling you’d never get tired of. Just him being this close to you was enough to have you going crazy.

“that’s it, baby, take all of it” he stayed still for one second too long. You were already trying to get him to fuck you by leaning back on his dick.

He bit his lip, watching how needy you were. that’s what he loved, seeing you get absolutely filthy just for him.

“Just look at you, bent over and stuffed completely full of my cock. I bet that feels so good doesn’t it?” he put his hand on your lower back, pulling you closer to him. “after all, it has been a year since we’ve fucked”

you could only moan in response, your sounds encouraging him to finish what you had started.

“I know you love it. You just can’t ever seem to get enough of me, needy little thing. I bet you’ve been dreaming about me fucking you” the confidence you instilled in him was something he’d never get tired of. It was one of the many things he was obsessed with when it came to you.

You had built him up from nothing.

“I love it when you squeeze yourself on me like that” if he kept talking to you like this, you were bound to clench even tighter around him.

Only proving he was doing an amazing job like he always had.

“you’re so filthy. You always let me fuck you completely raw. do you get off on the idea of me getting you pregnant? Want me to fill you up with my kids?” he smacked your ass harshly. The sound echoed in your small apartment.

“Answer me, baby” he lifted you up off the bed so you could answer.

“yes! Pump me full of all your come. I wanna have all your babies. I w-wanna make you a daddy” you felt so dirty but so good.

His hips faltered at your words. he pushed your face back down into the pillows, hoping you wouldn’t notice the effect your words had on him.

But the twitching of his cock gave it all away.

“yeah? Don’t worry, love. I'll give you all my babies.”

he used his other hand to caress your clit. Rubbing quick circles wanting you to come faster.

He knew he wasn’t going to be able to hold it for that long.

Something he didn’t like was not seeing your face. Every time the two of you did it, he always loved watching your expressions of pleasure.

But tonight, He was going to fuck you rough. The way he always wanted.

Luckily for everyone else in the building, your moans were muffled into the mattress.

The way he manhandled you had you dripping. You loved when he was gentle. But the way he just took charge made you even wetter.

You had never been so loud before. And the pride he felt was indescribable.

Your back arched even further, allowing him to hit a little deeper. He yanked you up by your hair, pulling you against his hard chest.

“so good for me,” he spoke right into your ear. His pace was fast and brutal. You were both so sensitive you weren’t going to last much longer.

It was just too good for him not to come.

He let go of your hair, letting you fall back on the mattress. He gave your ass a few more smacks loving your muffled cries. He leaned down and started fucking into you harder while he cupped your mouth to keep you quiet.

“I love you so fucking much,” you shook violently. Your body just went completely limp, getting lost in the pleasure from his cock. Only he could make you feel like this.

“you’re so dirty, you know that?” he fucked you faster. Every word he spoke went straight in your ear and travailed down to your core. “I just got here, and you couldn’t even wait a day to have my cock buried deep inside your tight little cunt” you couldn’t even care at this point. You were dripping shamelessly around his dick.

“I’m sure you imagined me being here in this very bed with you, touching you, tasting you, fucking you,” he whispered the last part. You made incoherent sounds, but he got the message of you agreeing to his statement.

Okay, when the hell did he become a mind reader?

He stroked every single inch of your pussy. You were so full you could feel the veins of his cock caressing your walls and his tip flicking at your sweet spot each time he pumped himself into you.

"so wet" the sounds of your wetness were so loud it was almost shameful.

It wasn’t much longer till he was twitching. The volume of your moans increased. His hand was barely enough to muffle your sounds.

He kissed your back, nipping at the skin, feeling you pulsing on him. You were just as close as he was.

He used the hand that was on your waist to rub at your clit roughly, loving the way the soft skin felt on the pads of his fingers.

You tried to tell him you were coming, but that didn’t work when his hand was tightly cupping your mouth.

“I know, love, give it all to me,” his deep voice while he called you love was exactly what you needed. His words pushed you to your much-anticipated orgasm.

A few more thrusts, and you were coming around him uncontrollably. Your body was going weak while he continued using you like a rag doll.

“that’s a good girl” the way your walls held him in a vice grip had him reaching his release shortly after you.

“o-oh fuck y/n, I'm gonna c-come,” he moaned out. Wanting to give you his all.

He never held back when he came Filling you to the brim. Some of it even spilled out of you from being so full.

He really took what you said to heart about having his kids. he always came a lot, but this was twice as much, if not more.

He kissed all the way down your back, pulling out of you gently, watching his come leaking from your pulsating hole, every time you clenched, more of his release would come dripping out.

He had the right mind to fuck it all right back into you, but that was for another time.

He pulled his sweats back up while you rolled over on your back, covering yourself with the sheets.

He left for a few moments before he came back into sight with water and a wet cloth.

“here, drink this” he gave you the water pulling back the covers to clean you off.

Something he hadn’t done before, wiping your thighs gently, making sure you were all nice and clean.

“all done” he kissed your forehead. He got back in bed with you.

The words were on the tip of your tongue, but you just couldn’t say them. he had to know that there were repercussions for his actions.

So you opted for something that was more suiting for the situation.

“That was amazing,” you say now that you were able to breathe properly.

“you always are,” he nuzzled his face in your shoulder.

“hee, you’re more amazing” there was no way you were going to let him give you all the praise.

He needed to be loved just as much as you, if not more.

You could feel him smiling against your shoulder.

“can I stay?” he says as if implying you only wanted him for sex. He only thought like that cause he didn’t understand what you saw in him. he wanted to be perfect for you, and he just wasn’t.

You nodded, stroking his hair. You knew exactly how he felt when he made that statement. You could read his mind just as well as he could read yours.

“of course, you can stay, I know things are kind of a blur right now, but I want to assure you that you were always more to me than just a stripper or someone to have sex with, and you’ll always be special to me no matter how things turn out, and you being really good at sex is just a huge plus.”

He put his hand over his face. He didn’t want you to see that giddy smile of his or how red he got from your honesty.

“oh my god, y/n, you can’t say stuff like that anymore. It only makes me for in love with you even more” he made the mistake of looking at you, revealing the fading blush on his cheeks.

“you’re so cute.”

“Stop it,” he whined.

“pfft, I know you love it” he glared at you before he broke out into a smile.

“I do,” he started giggling while you tickled his sides. His laughter could heal just about anything.

You stared at each other for god only knows how long. until you broke the silence.

“When do you leave?”

“tomorrow morning”

“can’t you stay a little longer?” he wanted to. but he had a job to get to.

“I actually have work the same day I get back, so….”

“you really didn’t plan this out, did you?” you try to hide your laugh, but that didn’t go as planned.

“you should just be happy I came to see you,” he laughed with you.

“I am”

you’ve been wanting to ask him about maybe finding a different job, one where he didn’t have women hanging off of him every night.

“do you think you’ll be quitting anytime soon?” you didn’t know how to bring it up. Or even if you should, judging by the current status of your relationship with him.

“no, why?”

“well, I thought me and you were like exclusive” it would seem as if some of his bad traits were rubbing off on you. You couldn’t tell him you loved him, but you wanted to be exclusive.

The logic simply wasn’t there.

“We are. All those girls mean nothing to me. it’s just my job.”

“but,” you sighed, “never mind.”

you dropped it. Hopefully, he didn’t think much of it.

“y/n, I promise you’re the only one for me. And I’m gonna call and text you every single morning. I messed up really bad. but I won’t make the same mistake, and I'd be an absolute fool to let you go again.”

“pinky promise” he locked his pinky with yours placing a kiss on it.

“I promise. Now rest, I’m sure you need it” right after he said that you felt sleep overcoming you.

“same goes for you. You have a long flight tomorrow.”

“Okay, goodnight, my love.”

“goodnight, hee”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The next morning you kissed him one last time before watching him walk out of your apartment.

He left with slumped shoulders and heavy steps. But at least he felt better after seeing you and apologizing. And the sex was a huge plus.

Just like he promised, he called you every morning, in the afternoon, and at night. He finally had something to look forward to. Hearing your voice made everything he did worth it.

He had saved money to buy a house that, hopefully, you’d be moving into with him. he wasn’t sure how you felt about him still after everything, but so far, so good.

He was making even more money now, and the tips he was getting were outrageous. With the money, he decided to buy a new car ditching his old one. When you came back, he wanted you to have a visual of just how much you’ve done for him.

Just like before, you changed him for the better.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Today he called you while he was at work, not having enough time to call you before. He was almost running late from talking to you all morning. But it was definitely worth it. If he could, he'd spend every second with you.

“hi, baby,” he waved to you over the video call.

“shh, I'm in class” you smiled at him. Hopefully, you wouldn’t get too distracted.

“oops,” he whispered while giggling.

You noticed something in the background just above his shoulder. It was a bra hanging off that same couch you had fucked each other so many times on.

Your heart dropped.

“hee, what’s that behind you,” he thought you were playing a prank on him.

“Nice try. I’m not looking behind me, y/n.”

“I'm for real. What are you doing with a bra?” you exited class before your emotions got the best of you.

He finally looked back. He was terrified. he thought he had taken care of that last night.

He wasn’t cheating. It was just some random customer who tried to come on to him that he immediately called security on.

“oh, that, someone tried to force themselves on me last night. and when I said no, they just continued anyway, and she just started taking off her clothes, but baby, I swear to you I didn’t look and had her kicked out right away.”

He really hoped you would believe him.

Before, there was no doubt. But after he lied, things were different.

“I gotta go. I'll call you later” you needed time to think.

He heard the line go silent.

“fuck!” he really thought he had cleared everything out.

Later came, and you never called him.

Days passed, and still no call. He’d given you enough time. So he took matters into his own hands.

He made an attempt to call you first.

“please answer” the phone rang three times before you picked it up.

And the attempt was a success.

“what do you want?” you didn’t mean for it to come out that harsh.

“I want to see my girl. I missed you these past few days” his eyes looked puffy, and his voice didn’t sound as enthusiastic as it always had when he called you.

You hated your dumb heart for beating so quick whenever he said you were his.

“am I really your girl? or is there someone else?”

“you know I would never do that to you” he needed to find a way to gain your trust again.

“I don’t hee, maybe this isn’t working out after all” trying to hold on to him only added a huge amount of weight on your shoulders, which at the moment you couldn’t quite carry.

“it’s working perfectly fine” he was quick to shut that down. And to him, it was working just fine.

“maybe we should take a break,” you chewed on your lip.

He was feeling that dreadful lump in his throat again.

“y-y/n, we don’t need a break. We’ve already been apart long enough” he swallowed the lump before speaking again. “let’s talk love, we just need to talk. you have to trust me on this. there’s nothing more I can tell you.”

“you broke my trust, so you’re asking me to do the impossible.”

“and I told you how sorry I am. I haven’t lied since then. Just trust me one last time, and if I fuck it up again, you can cut me off completely” that statement alone made you trust him again already. You knew deep down just how much he needed you.

Anybody could see that he was absolutely foolishly in love with you.

Even if he had done some stupid things in the past, he was willing to change for you.

“I really wish you were here,” you confessed.

“me too. I would hug you so tight and tell you just how much I love you” he was looking at you with heart eyes. All of a sudden, his voice sounded bright again.

“would you show me too?” you bit your lip.

“o-of course I would” recently, you were always making him nervous.

“Relax, I'm just teasing you.”

“o-oh, but I still would, though” you could see him blushing over the phone.

“I know”

“so, does this mean that you trust me again?” he was unknowingly picking at his thumb.

“I do” his face lit up instantly.

“thank you, thank you, thank you, okay” he took a deep breath. “I have something to tell you. I’ve been planning it for when you come home, so recently, I've been making a lot more money from work, so I figured I’d surprise you when you get back.”

“okay?” his excitement was making you smile.

“I bought a new car a-

“you what!?”

“calm down. That’s not even the exciting part. I'll save the best for last. so are you ready?”

“I think so?” you were getting nervous.

“I got us a house!” he was so excited. You were the first person he told. not to say anyone else cared, but he even put you before his family. You were his family now and his best friend, soon-to-be girlfriend, fingers crossed.

“heeseung”

“It has three bedrooms-

“heeseung,” you called out to him in between his little speech.

“one for us, one for your cousin or your friends if they ever want to visit, and the la-

“heeseung!” you were going to have a heart attack if you let him continue.

“what? y/n, I'm almost done. Just let me finish, please. this is the best part. And the last room is a nursery. I didn’t decorate it yet cause I wanted you and me to do it together” he pointed at you, then himself over the phone with the biggest smile you had ever seen on his face.

You had to hang up the phone before you fainted.

What the hell is his problem?

He called you back immediately. You didn’t even have time to recover.

“We must have got disconnected,” he pouted. “so yeah, that’s it. I'm so excited. I can’t wait till you come home.”

You didn’t want to cry. But he was making it hard not to.

“why would you do all that?” a tear fell from your eye.

“oh no, y/n, please don’t cry” he wasn’t expecting this type of reaction from you. he thought you would be excited.

“Are you insane?” he felt like what he did was wrong.

“well, I guess I could just resell the house if you don’t want to move in with me” he sounded so disappointed. he went from 100 to 0 all in a matter of seconds. That’s what type of power you had over him. But you would never abuse it.

“no. I want to move in with you. but you did all this without even knowing how I felt about you.”

He chuckled awkwardly.

“yeah, I was hoping for the best. I guess I was just so happy that I didn’t think about you possibly rejecting me. Even if you did reject me, I’d still find a way to get you. And this is just the start of everything. I want to do with you. I’ve been looking at places we can travel to, sights to see, and things to do together. I even know where I'm gonna ask you to be my girlfriend, too” he smiled matter of factly. He looked so proud.

Whoops.

He did have a habit of talking too much.

“you do?” you couldn’t hide your smile. He was just too adorable.

“Actually, forget about that last part” he couldn’t believe he blew it already.

Could he be any cuter?

“At least I don’t know the day,” you laughed with him.

“that’s true” the silence took over, the reality of what he had just told you finally set in. he basically said he wanted to spend the rest of his life with you, for real this time.

“hee,” he looked back at you through the phone.

“yes, my love?” he was so lost in your eyes.

“I love you” he was listening intently until those words left your lips.

He dropped his phone in pure happiness, and you just sat there confused, staring at a black screen while you heard him coughing hysterically in the background.

“hee? Baby? are you okay?” his face came back into view.

“umm… no. Maybe? yes!” he turned the phone away to wipe his eyes and regain his composure before coming back into the frame. “I love you more” he blew you a kiss over the phone.

Now he was making you blush. he never failed to make you feel butterflies.

“well, it’s getting late. I’ll talk to you tomorrow, okay?”

“sound’s good to me. goodnight y/n”

“goodnight, hee”

you went back and forth like this for at least 5 minutes. Neither of you wanted to hang up, so you didn’t.

You both laid down in bed, catching up on random things until you couldn’t keep your eyes open anymore.

You fell asleep first, and he watched you for a little while, just admiring your features until your soft snores lulled him to sleep not long after. It was the best sleep either of you had in a long time.

You couldn’t wait to go home.

END

me after re-editing this for the 100th time

anyways this is part 2 of “angel” let me know your thoughts 💭 please leave feedback and reblog. It’s always appreciated💙 sorry for any typos or errors. I hope you enjoy it.☁️

(permanent taglist) @hee-in @scarlet127 @ashxsmoon

(taglist) @axartia @pjsflrts

also, I might be taking a small break cause I’m not happy with how this came out.

Two major problems for me are

the perspectives of the characters

the build-up and interaction between the two, I feel, could have been conveyed way better

I prefer part 1 way over this one. Tbh I feel like my writing goes downhill whenever I make more parts.😞

but yeah, I may take a teeny break to work on some things so I can write better stories for you all in the future. I’m still learning a lot of things

also en-noona if you’re seeing this, I just wanted to say hi👋🏽 💙

#enhypen #enhypen heeseung smut #enhypen smut #enhypen hard hours #engene #lee heeseung #enha heeseung #heeseung smut #kpop smut

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