#i actually fell asleep at like 10pm for once

[moonlightviigil]

🌙it is quite rare to find Aphelios asleep at a "normal" hour. Exhaustion hits differently when it's a constant. He will be even more low energy, and just disappears to go lay down, and pass out. Drooling on whatever he is laying on. Not moving. Finally resting.

[fkinkindagauche]

Wild God

This is for day 20 of @steddie-spooktober, "cryptid" as well as @strangerthingswritersguild Kinktober prompt "worship". I fell asleep before I could finish it last night, so it is a day late on both! If you haven't listened to Nick Cave's new album, Wild God, yet, you should. The album is not actually about monsterfucking, but I like to think he really wouldn't mind the title being co-opted for that.

Summary: Mothman is in the woods of Hawkins and he's apparently a really good lay.

Rating: Explicit | WC: 2,229 | Tags: Anal Sex, Rimming, Monster Eddie Munson, Monsterfucker Steve Harrington, Blood, Biting, Unsafe Sex with Cryptids, Prehensile Tongues

Steve has become increasingly obsessed with the creature in the woods. Lucas says it's Mothman, who came to Indiana from West Virginia (“he has wings, you know”), while Dustin claims it’s just a weird sandhill crane. 

Steve doesn’t tell Dustin and Lucas what he knows, from overhearing a discussion at a party a few weeks before. He’d been pouring himself a drink in the kitchen when two girls came in, excitedly whispering to each other, not noticing Steve was there. 

“And it was so big,” one of the girls whispers. “I’ve never seen a cock that size before. It felt amazing.”

“You’re joking, right?” the other girl says, incredulous. “You didn’t actually fuck a random monster in the woods.”

“I swear, I did,” the first girl says, looking annoyed at not being believed. “Mary did, too, ask her.”

“Mary also said she fucked Justin Bieber. That’s not exactly helping your case.”

“If you don’t believe me, go try it yourself. If you spend the night out by Skull Rock, he’ll come.” She suggestively waggles her eyebrows. “In more ways than one.” 

Steve doesn’t really know why, but his interest is piqued. He asks around over the next few weeks, and finds out more. It’s apparently become a bit of a thing with the people around his age in Hawkins. The girls are calling the creature the Wild God, saying they’re going into the woods to worship, and the boys mostly seem to think the girls are all making it up to piss them off.

He talks to three separate groups of girls who tell him similar versions of the same story - they went to Skull Rock to camp, and around midnight, the creature approached, standing at the edge of the camp. He’s been described to Steve as anywhere from seven to ten feet tall, with wings, red eyes, and a huge cock. All you have to do is walk up to him and say, “I’m yours for the night,” and, if the girls are to be believed, you’ll have the best sex of your life. 

Steve, who has become increasingly bored with the girls of Hawkins, his sex life more of a slog than it is enjoyable, finds himself wondering what it would be like, to be fucked. He’s never experimented with men before, even though he has had thoughts. He especially wonders what it would be like to be fucked by a wild god. 

He makes Robin tell him everything he needs to know to spend a night in the woods, refusing to tell her why he needs to know. He goes to other sources (a sex shop in downtown Indy) to find out what he needs to know about what else he hopes will happen. He purchases varying sizes of dildos ranging from beginner to gigantic at the sex shop, and purchases a tent at a more respectable establishment. He spends a few weeks getting used to the feeling of his fingers, and then the dildos, inside of him. He likes it, almost more than he likes having his own dick buried inside someone. 

Once he’s graduated to the largest dildo, he decides to give his plan a try on one night in late October. He reaches Skull Rock around 10pm, with the moon high and full in the sky. He sets up his tent, starts a small fire, and settles in, prepared to wait as long as he needs. He can be patient. One hour passes, then two. He hears the sounds of the forest at night around him, small animals and insects going about their business, rustling and chirping. 

Just as he worries he may be about to nod off, he hears something larger moving through the undergrowth. His eyes scan the forest around him, the moon shedding plenty of light on the scene as a large shape comes into focus. It’s taller than a man, but not by too much, with the shape of unfurled wings making a shadow against the light of the moon. Steve can see two red orbs glowing in the dark - eyes. 

The creature stops about twenty feet from Steve, eyes pointed directly at him where he sits by his fire. It moves closer after a few moments, and the closer it comes to Steve, the more he can see in the light of the moon.

It’s mostly humanoid, but covered in a thin layer of fur, with large wings extending from its shoulders. The figure wears no clothes, and Steve’s eyes take in the size of the cock between its legs, which had not been exaggerated by the girls, before being drawn back up to its head, surrounded by a halo of unruly, long dark hair. 

The creature approaches closer, reaching a clawed hand out toward Steve. Steve studies its face, feeling a gentle thrum of something like recognition. Large, dark eyes, now with a distinct red tint, full lips, frizzy mane of hair, lines at the side of the mouth where dimples would be if it smiled. 

“Eddie?” Steve says, shock in his voice. It can’t be Eddie. He died five months ago.

The creature tilts his head to the side, confusion apparent on his face. The more Steve sees, the more he knows in his core that this is Eddie in front of him, changed almost beyond recognition. 

“Do you remember me?” Steve asks, as Eddie reaches out one clawed finger and strokes down his cheek.

Eddie doesn’t respond, just keeps looking at Steve, eyes hungry. Maybe he can’t even speak anymore. Steve remembers why he’s here, eyes tracking down to where Eddie’s cock rests between his legs. He would be lying to himself if he said he hadn’t been attracted to Eddie even before he got turned into a monster with a giant cock.

Steve takes a deep breath and says, “I’m yours for the night.” He wants to worship at the feet of the Wild God, especially since that god just happens to be Eddie Munson. 

Eddie makes a noise which Steve can only describe as a growl, then leans forward to press his mouth to Steve’s. Calling what ensues a kiss would be a mischaracterization. Eddie plunders Steve’s mouth, all sharp teeth and inhumanly long tongue. Steve tastes blood from where one of Eddie’s incisors has nicked his bottom lip. He moans into Eddie’s mouth as Eddie licks into him, mapping the inside of Steve’s mouth with his tongue. 

One of Eddie’s now huge arms wraps around Steve, pulling him flush against his body. Steve can feel Eddie’s cock growing hard where it’s pressed against his hip, so warm even through his jeans that Steve is worried it will burn his bare skin. He feels one of Eddie’s legs slot between his own, and starts to rut down onto it, his own cock so hard it’s almost painful. 

Eddie’s mouth moves to Steve’s neck, biting and licking, no doubt leaving ample marks which will be hard to explain to anyone who sees them. His clawed hands bunch in Steve’s sweater, pausing for a moment before tearing. Tatters of fabric fall from his body and he shivers as his skin is exposed to the cold. 

Eddie unfurls his massive wings, wrapping them around Steve, effectively blocking out the cold. It’s warm in this protected little alcove in the woods as Eddie moves his clawed hands to Steve’s jeans. 

“Wait,” Steve says, and Eddie pauses, red eyes inquisitive. “These jeans are expensive,” Steve explains, not sure Eddie understands him at all, but taking advantage of the pause to remove his jeans and boxers so they don’t also end up in tatters on the forest floor. 

As soon as he’s naked, Eddie starts to back him toward the fire, wings returning to their furled station on his back and clawed hands encircling Steve’s waist as he picks him up like Steve is a small child and not a fully grown man. He lays Steve on the ground beside the fire and blankets himself over him so Steve doesn’t even have a chance to be cold. 

Eddie starts to kiss and bite down Steve’s body, briefly nuzzling Steve’s straining cock before licking the whole length of it. His tongue is way longer than it should be, and seemingly prehensile, wrapping around Steve’s cock almost like a snake and gently stroking him. Steve moans loudly, bucking his hips up and grabbing handfuls of Eddie’s tangled, matted hair. 

Eddie moves further down, licking over Steve’s balls and grabbing his hips, pulling them up to get access to Steve’s hole. His tongue plunges easily inside of Steve, who opened himself up using his largest dildo right before setting out on this trip. The tongue presses and curls inside of him, seeking blindly until it finds that spot that makes Steve scream. 

Steve thrusts himself up into Eddie’s face, fucking himself on that absolutely earth-shattering tongue. Eddie continues to press perfectly into his prostate and Steve feels an unbearable pleasure start to build in his lower abdomen. He reaches down for his own cock and starts to stroke. It only takes two pumps before he’s coming all over his belly and chest, moaning and writhing on Eddie’s tongue.

Eddie keeps tongue-fucking him until the overstimulation becomes unbearable and Steve tugs on his hair. Eddie moves his face up, red eyes locking onto Steve's as he leans down and bites Steve’s hip, hard enough to break the skin. Steve groans and feels his cock twitching with the intense pleasure-pain of the sensation, Eddie’s tongue coming out to lick up the blood. 

Eddie moves up his body, kissing and licking and biting as he goes, until he’s face to face with Steve once again. Steve can feel Eddie’s hard cock pressing against his hip, huge and very wet. He reaches down and grabs hold, stroking. There’s an ample amount of a viscous fluid coating Eddie’s cock now, as if he can make his own lubricant. 

Eddie shudders as Steve strokes him, bending to lick into Steve’s mouth once again as Steve shifts to position the head of Eddie’s cock at his entrance. Eddie moves slowly, pressing his hips forward gently as he breaches Steve, stretching him. Eddie’s cock is about the size of the largest dildo he bought, a dildo he had been sure would be much larger than any actual cock he would ever take. 

The extensive prep that Steve did earlier, along with Eddie’s natural lubricant, are the only reasons it’s even physically possible for his body to accommodate Eddie. He sinks in slowly, giving Steve ample time to adjust, the care with which he moves belying his monstrous appearance. He pulls back to stare at Steve, gaze intense and more human than it has been this whole time, the red fading a little from his eyes as he finally bottoms out. 

Steve feels gloriously full and claimed, in a way he hadn’t anticipated. He presses a hand to his belly and he can feel where Eddie’s cock makes a palpable bulge. Inside, it presses into his prostate, and as Eddie starts to move Steve can feel his cock miraculously hardening again, almost immediately after his first orgasm.

Steve lets out a constant stream of wanton groans and pants as Eddie starts fucking into him in earnest, clawed hands braced on either side of Steve’s head as he pounds Steve into the forest floor. Steve meets each of his thrusts with his own, bucking up into Eddie as much as he’s able. 

Every brush of Eddie’s cock against his prostate builds inside of Steve until he feels like he’s going to explode. As Eddie bends his head to one of Steve’s pecs and bites down hard, Steve feels a second orgasm tear through his body, cock spurting a miniscule amount of cum onto his stomach as his whole body clenches around Eddie.

Eddie lets out a noise that can only be characterized as a roar and Steve starts to feel a warmth spreading inside himself as Eddie thrusts as deep into his ass as he can go and comes. It lasts a long time, longer than Steve ever thought an orgasm could last, and he feels excess cum dribbling out of his ass around Eddie’s cock. 

Eddie collapses against him, panting heavily, wings coming out to form a protective barrier around the two of them. Steve can feel Eddie’s cock starting to soften inside of his ass, and eventually it softens enough to slip out, a gush of cum following to coat the tops of Steve’s thighs. 

Eddie pushes himself up a little, looking down at Steve. The red of his eyes is more muted now, the color closer to the brown Steve was used to seeing. Steve reaches a hand up to cup one of Eddie’s cheeks.

“Can I come back to see you again tomorrow?” Steve asks.

“Yes,” Eddie says, voice gravelly with disuse and much deeper than it had been before. “Please.”

Steve smiles, elated at this evidence that Eddie is still in there somewhere, able to understand and respond. Then Steve remembers how he even found out about Eddie, and his face crumples into a frown.

“And stop fucking other girls. You’re my monster now,” Steve says, glaring.

“Okay, Stevie,” Eddie says, as he moves down Steve’s body to start thoroughly cleaning up the mess with his tongue.

Divider by @steddiecameraroll-graphics.

[lizzieislife94x]

Long Distance (e.o)

Requested ❤️

Lizzie x Fem Reader

GirlxGirl 

Y/ns POV:

I wash up my plate as I watch my phone like an excited child its 6:30pm meaning my girlfriend will be calling any minute its 10pm where she is at the moment on location, I dry my dish as I wait for the call after 5 minutes my phone rings with the facetime call. 

Me: babyyy I've missed you so much.

Lizzie: I've missed you too, how was your day today baby. 

Me: it was great work was chill I hung out with one of my new co workers Jane she's awesome.

I say with a smile as I look at lizzie her smile doesn't seem proper maybe I'm over thinking 

Lizzie: that's good did you eat.

Me: yeah I just had dinner just finished 15 minutes ago, how is work going liz.

Lizzie: ugh good yeah just really tired I wish I was with you though. 

Me: yeah me too me too.

After an hour on the phone we hang up and I have a huge smile on my face lizzie said she's coming to visit next week she has 2 weeks off and I couldn't be more excited about it I decided to go for a shower then bed and fall asleep with a huge smile on my face.

 4 days later:

"So you have any plans for this weekend y/n" I look up from my food and smile sweetly "actually I don't do you wanna do something" I ask Jane as she grins "yessss lets go dancing and let loose" she says excitedly as I giggle "ok so tomorrow night I'll meet you at the club?" I say and nods "yes definitely " we continue to eat our lunch as my phone rings I look and notice lizzies name causing me to smile "Jane ill be right back I have to take this my girlfriend is calling" I stand up and walk away to answer.

Me: Hey baby is everything ok 

Lizzie: yeah I just missed your voice babygirl how is work. 

Me: yeah we're on lunch just now I'm going to the club tomorrow night with JaneAll I hear is silence for bit

Me: lizzie are you there liz baby

Lizzie: yeah sorry I'm here thats great as long as you have fun princess 

Me: oh you no I will but hey I can't wait to see you on Monday I'm counting down the hours

Lizzie: me to princess I can't wait to just chill with you go out and most importantly have you in my arms. 

Me: oh god me to baby I can't wait shit hey baby I gotta go I gotta get back to work ill text you later have fun filming. 

With that I quickly hang up and rush back up to the office and get back towork after a few hours it's home time I quickly head home and throw myself on the couch oh jeez its been a long day I decided to just have grilled cheese for dinner I can't be bothered cooking once I eat I head up to my room and throw myself onto the bed and open tik tok must have fell asleep though because I'm being woke up to the sound of my alarm I roll over and groan getting up to shower and brush my teeth I get dressed for work and head to my car. 

Me: Good morning baby I hope you have a great day still counting the hours down till your here but I'm heading to work so I'll text you again later

I put my phone down and drive to work as I pull up my phone beeps causing me to smile when I see her name on my phone 

 Lizzie♥️: Good morning princess I hope you have a great day at work and don't get to drunk tonight ill text you later beautiful 

I smile and walk into the building to get my work done at lunch Jane comes running over to me "dude you still on for tonight" she says excited "yeah of course haha I'm looking forward to it ill meet you at the club at 8" she jumps up and down a little making me laugh.

after a long day its finally time to head home I need to go and pick an outfit. 

2 hours later: 

I finish putting the last touches to my make up and admire myself in the mirror I do look pretty hot if I do say so myself I went with tight black dress and black heels decided light make up and curly hair I grab my phone and take a full body picture and decide to send it to lizzie. 

Me:*1 image attached* baby do I look ok

Not even a minute later my phone dings

Lizzie: Wow wow wow you look fucking sexy baby not gonna lie I'm hella jealous right now if anyone looks at you a little to long punch them in the face for me babygirl😳

I giggle at her text blushing slightly

Me: Baby no one's going to look at me and even if they did let them I have the best girlfriend in the world I don't need nor want anyone else but you your eyes and your staring are the only ones that matter to me 

I spray some perfume and head out getting into my car and driving towards the club after 20 minutes I arrive right on time I park up and head to the front of club and see Jane "wow you look amazing" she says as we hug and head inside. 

4 hours later:

"Oh my gosh that was so fun I yell to Jane" she nods and agrees we head outside and I call an uber "I haven't been out in a while and I had so much fun thank you Jane" she looks at me and smiles "same thanks for coming with me" we part ways heading into our own ubers after 20 minutes and a stop to Mcdonalds I'm home I decided to drunken facetime my girlfriend while I munched my Mcdonalds we spend roughly 2 hours on facetime before I passed out 

 Time skip to Monday

Work was boring today maybe its because lizzie gets here in the next hour and I'm counting down I get to finish in 10 minutes so I can pick her up once I finish I practically run to my car and head towards the airport my excitement rushing through my veins after 15 minutes I arrived at the airport I get out and stand against my car patiently waiting after a few minutes I spot her walking towards me with a huge smile I jump up and down and run towards her screaming with excitement as I jump into her arms she catches me and we both squeal in joy holding eachother tight "I missed you so fucking much" i mumble into her neck as she holds me tighter "I missed you to princess" we stood holding eachother for 10 minutes before I took her bag and put it in the trunk then opened her door for her "thank you baby" she smiles fuck I've missed her smile so much Irun to my side and start to drive to my house her hand automatically rests on my thigh making my thoughts run wild I haven't seen her in 6 months so its been 6 months of no action I pull into my drive and get out running round to open her door "there you go baby" she giggles and smiles as we walk inside she plops down on the couch and I follow instantly cuddling upto her "fuck I've missed you" I mumble but loud enough for her to hear"I've missed you too beautiful" she says as she plays with my hair I Bury my face in her chest and bask in the feeling of being in her arms and her playing with my hair I let out a content sigh this is perfect.

AN: ok this is gonna be a 2 parter I didn't think it would be this long but this part is basically just leading up to them being together again part 2 will have the action if it sucks I'm sorry lmao hope your all good and stay hydrated people I feel like I've not wrote in months

[callmejudgement]

My Shifting Timeline

Judgment's Detailed Experiences #2

(Including my 2 mini-shifts to my Winx and Twst dr!)

October 2020

Discovered shifting from that one tiktok about Saiki K "kicking people out of their drs". I thought they were talking about lucid dreaming at first, but when I went to the comments, a few other people were saying otherwise. So, I went into a deep dive of shifting and concluded that it was a physical experience when people "became aware of themself in another reality."

November 2020

I entered the vibration state "for the first time" (I actually experienced it once when I did not know about Shifting). I wouldn't say I got close to shifting, though, because I exited this state pretty quickly after hearing some phantom noises (they were not scary; I thought it was my baby nephew).

August 2021

I had a lucid dream on the night of the 10th, so I decided to go to my dr. I did not make a portal since that did not work for me the two times I tried before, so I simply thought about my dr and willed myself to be there. Then, it felt like someone gently pushed me, and everything was white. It felt like I was slowly falling and moving forward, kinda. I didn’t feel jarring or disorienting, but comforting. I felt my body changing positions and myself laying in my dr bed (it was my alt-earth magic school dr), but I couldn’t manage to fully shift and ended up back in my cr.

September 2021

I heard about this thing where you ask your spirit guides (or higher self), “What steps do I need to take to shift?” I don’t do tarot, so I decided to communicate with my spirit guides through lucid dreams. Plus, if I did it that way, I would get way more direct answers... or so I thought.

I had my first lucid dream around 4 years ago, and I’ve had multiple since then, so I was confident in communicating with them this way,

But when I had my first LD after deciding to talk to them, they straight up told me “no”. 

Imagine this: you’ve been struggling with shifting, so you decide to contact your spirit guides(something you’ve never done before). Then you have an LD a few days later, but when you ask them your burning question, they just say “no” and make you wake up. 

A few nights later, I had like 3 lucid dreams, and in each one, I tried to ask my spirit guide the same question. 

In the first dream, I realized I was dreaming, looked up at the sky, and said, “Spirit guides, I’d like to talk to you.” I started walking through a river in the town I was in, and it began to rain. 

The people around me told me to say the word “rain” (or maybe it was “water”) if I wanted to summon my spirit guide. I started to get pushed down into the water and lose lucidity before I could say it. I feel like they knew what I was going to ask and was avoiding the question (it’s pissing me off, tbh). 

After I woke up, I fell back asleep because I was super tired. In my next dream, I became lucid again. I don’t remember as much of this one, but I went to call my spirit guide. Before I could speak, the dream people came and started tickling me so I would become excited and wake up. 

I woke up, fell back asleep, and had another LD. This time I was only half trying to contact my spirit guides. The rest of me wanted to eat a burger(I’m pescatarian btw). So I was looking for a burger joint (I was in a giant mall), but many of the dream people were trying to stop me and wake me up. Their main tactic was to catch me and then tickle me so I would wake up. That’s actually what caused my dream to end, and I know it was my spirit guide doing. 

2022

Somehow, nothing notable happened in my shifting journey for a year and a half. There's just a fat ass blank space in my stories for this year that even I'm shocked. I have scripts and stuff, but no experience where I can say, "omg, I almost shifted!" So, nothing interesting here...

 February 2023 (mini-shifted)

I went to bed at 10pm and then woke up at 2am. I laid in bed for an hour, but I couldn’t go back to sleep, so I got on my phone until 5:30. Then I listened to this immersive ambiance related to my dr (Twisted Wonderland).

I imagined I was in the black carriage on my way to NRC. I think I fell asleep for a few minutes, but when I woke up, the space between my eyes was pounding. It didn’t hurt, but it was like a thump thump thump. I ignored it and continued visualizing Twisted Wonderland. My mind was clear, and I was relatively alert. 

I felt a weight on top of me and visuals appeared in front of my eyes. My head stopped thumping at this point and I saw the door of a car. It was light brown and shiny (it looked kinda similar to the interior of a Mercedes Benz from the 90s/2000s). Floyd was sitting next to me and was practically on top of me. Like my back was against the right door, and he was leaning all up on me! It was nighttime, and we were in the backseat of a parked car. Everything was slightly blurred and surreal like I was in a half awake state. 

I remember that even in the moment, I couldn't get over how pretty his eyes were and how clear his skin was😭. My breath literally stopped. Bro was actually so beautiful.

Floyd moved around a bit, and then everything went black. I was back in my bed, and my head was still thumping. I fell asleep after that, and when I woke up, It felt like a dream, but the more I thought about it, the more real it felt. 

Even though I was in a half-awake state, the images were so much more realistic than my dream. The fact that this experience just felt so different from any of the dozens of lucid dreams or vivid dreams I have had just threw me off so bad.

From what I noticed in those few seconds, I saw the brown of the car doors and I think the seats were a tan leather. I saw the yellow-tinted car light that cast a dim yellow glow on the inside of the car. I think the passenger seat was empty, so only Floyd and I were in the car.... AND THAT'S WHY I MUST SHIFT BACK TO THAT EXACT MOMENT TO KNOW WHAT THE HELL WAS GOING ON! WHY WAS I IN A CAR ALONE WITH A MAN AND WHY WASN'T IT MY BLACK KING, LEONA KINGSCHOLAR!! Note: NRC is an actual college in my dr; students start at 18. 

March 2023 (shifted?)

It was about 3:15pm when I woke up. My room looked the same, so I thought everything was normal; it was only strange that I woke up hella late. I got up and stood by my desk, and then I had the urge to try and float. I balanced on one leg and slowly lifted the other until I sat crisscrossed in the air! Then I was like, wtf? I floated for a few seconds in shock, then I got down and ran out of my room to tell my siblings. My sister and brother (who should have been away at Uni, but I didn't realize in the moment), were in the kitchen. I showed them my flying, and they were not surprised. I think they already knew, so I was sharing old news.

I went back to my room and noticed Skyrim was on my pc. My brother was probably playing it. I closed his save and loaded mine. THEN I DIED LIKE 5 TIMES IN 10 SECONDS. Every time I loaded the damn save, a giant would run up on me and kill me one way or another! I got mad and gave up. Then, I did a reality check by pushing my fingers into the palm of my other hand. My finger did not go through my hands, meaning I was not dreaming. I was about to get my phone, but I couldn't focus, and I kept thinking about how I might accidentally shift back. Then I shifted back... I came back to this reality just as this body woke up. I grabbed my phone to check if I really shifted, and the time here was exactly 7:35, nowhere near 3:15pm.

Reflection: Lowkey, I don't consider this a full shift. Even though it was consistent, I didn't feel "completely there" mentally. Maybe it's because I was excited, so I wasn't thinking straight, but idk. It just didn't feel right so I don't accept this as a true shift.

November 2023 (mini-shifted)

I decided to take a nap around 4pm because I had that weird eye strain headache. I had been up since 6:30am and went to sleep at 12:30 am, so I was tired. Plus, it was right after Thanksgiving, so I had that post-holiday fatigue. I laid on my back and started easing myself to sleep while my sister played BG3 in the background. I decided that I was going to shift to my Winx Dr (I was drawing my dr self just before lying down). At some point, I stopped thinking of anything, and my mind started to buzz. It buzzed for a while but nothing was really happening. After a while, I gave up and thought, “I surrender myself (to my subconscious) to shift”. Immediately after I said that, I ‘fell down’ and the room became a small point in an endless void of black (imagine falling down a hole, everything around you is pitch black and you can only see the opening become smaller and smaller).

Then, I felt myself lying on a bed again, but it felt different. At first, I was lying on my back, but now I was on my stomach. I also heard a voice, initially I thought it was my sister or the voices from her game. But the voice sounded too far, like it was coming from another room and was muffled by the walls. When I looked in front of me, I saw a blurry (it could be because I have horrible vision or just blurry vision upon waking) and unfamiliar dark room. Then, I realized that I was in my Winx Dr, in the bedroom on the second floor of the bookstore where I always imagined waking up. Right when I realized that, my awareness ‘rolled’ (it literally felt like I was rolling when lying down), and I was in another bed. This time it was a very familiar one. It was the guest room that I stayed in for a month in my cr! At my instant realization, I shot up and tried to ground myself; however, black spots decorated my vision against my will (not that I was physically blacking out; my body felt fine. It was like my awareness was disappearing from the scene), and I shifted back to my cr room at 5:15pm. I thought it would have been much later, and I took much longer with the initial shifting process since I think I closed my eyes around 4:30 or 4:45. It was so quick, and now it almost feels like a fleeting dream or a long lost memory. But I know that it's real! None of my lucid dreams have ever felt like this.

[dragon-swords-prophecies]

NaNoWriMo 2023 Days 16 & 17: Herald At Dawn

***I'm doing half a nano (25k not 50k) cause I have too much other shit to do (school)***

Today's (& yesterdays) Wordcount/Today's Goal Wordcount: 1105/1670

Total Wordcount: 14545/25k (58%)

Goal Wordcount: 25k

Snippet:

Leo nodded. ”There is a slight problem with that,“ he said, once Alex's tidal wave of curses began to let up. ”…What is it?“ asked Bill. ”We do not actually have the information yet.“ “Pardon? Asked Bill. Alex sighed. “My contact at City Hall cannot get us into the record storerooms until 11:30.” “Which means we cannot get anything to print until then.” “Crap,” said Jack, eloquently. The other people in the room echoed the sentiment. After a heartbeat, James said what they were all thinking. ”We are not going to have enough for an article until the afternoon, are we?“ Alex, Bill, and Leo all nodded slowly. ”No,“ said Bill, voicing all their fears. ”We don't.“ James nodded. “I'm sorry I made you all come in.” Bill laughed. “James, I don't think any of us were actually asked to come in.”

Notes: These are combined because I fell asleep typing this post out and didn't finish it enough to post it before school. (I did not write a lot (read: like 350 words) yesterday, but I also (looking at the nano website) had enough of a buffer built up to skip an entire day. which is amazing because i did so many things yesterday and didn't get home until like 10pm.) Also I am slowing infusing my own personality into Leo and he is becoming more and more autistic coded with every single word I write about him and its AMAZING and i love it. Also Alex has, somehow, acquired a sister. But she's cool!! and will shortly be most likely murdered which i feel slightly bad about but there isn't enough trauma in this book yet /half joking.

Taglist (ask to be added/removed): @thelaughingstag @gr3y-heron @another-white-void @amethyst-aster

[frogofalltime]

05.03.2024

i woke up at 7am, ate breakfast, and got ready for class. my 9am lecture was about FROGS so you bet i was there EARLY and READY TO LEARN >:)

then i had lab from 10am to 1pm. half our group didn't show up and there wasn't enough equipment for the whole class so we spent the first two hours Literally Doing Nothing while waiting for our turn and then the last hour frantically trying to get everything done now that we were able to use the equipment. it was very stressful. but i made the most of the time when there wasn't much to do by taking time out from the lab, sitting in the sunshine, and eating Second Breakfast (because i wouldn't get a break from class until 2pm and i was really hungry already at 11am).

next was a lecture that was incredibly boring, it was a recap of stuff we already knew followed by an unnecessarily long explanation of how to solve simultaneous equations (which is something we definitely learned in high school or even before that ??) and i was really tired so i fell asleep. i was woken up at the end of the lecture by @etherealspacejelly poking me lmao. we went back to the house, but robin needed Alone Time and i was Going Insane From Everything, so i left.

on my way home i went for a walk in the park to try and feel better and enjoy the nice weather. i sat on a bench in the sun and it actually felt almost warm on my face. but then i realised i hadn't eaten lunch yet and i had an appointment with the gender clinic at 4:10pm so i rushed home and quickly ate something before that.

i was dreading the appointment because i had to talk about my family's transphobia, the recent incident with my mother, and how i was feeling like i was being forced to detransition. but it was actually very useful and they helped me to see the positives of transition and come up with a plan to write something down and use that to explain my feelings and identity to my mother next time she brings up the topic.

after that i was absolutely exhausted but it was only 5:30pm and i still had so many things i needed to do. robin encouraged me to do my laundry because i hadn't done it for two and a half weeks. so i dragged my heavy bag of dirty clothes to the laundry room at my student accommodation and somehow squeezed everything into one washing machine.

while my clothes were washing i decided to go to the small shop near my building to get the food i needed instead of having to go all the way to the big (and very overstimulating) supermarket. that way i could tick another Big Daunting Task off my list (GROCERY SHOPPING) without actually using up too many spoons in the process.

when i had put away my shopping i sat down for a few minutes to rest but then i realised my laundry was just about to finish so i forced myself to get up and collect it. i put as much of it in the dryer as i could, and took the rest to air dry in my room, because once again i had way too much laundry to possibly hang it all up on my clothes airer.

by now i was extremely tired and overwhelmed so i lay down on my bed in the dark and listened to music to calm myself down. but then even the music was too overstimulating so i just turned it off and lay there in silence.

i needed to eat, but i had no energy to cook, so i just ate soup and toast, while reading percy jackson. then i washed my dishes, and went back to the laundry room to collect my clothes from the dryer.

i put away the dry laundry while listening to music because i knew if i didn't do it now it would stay in my brain as a Big Task and stress me out. when i had done that i changed into my pyjamas, brushed my teeth, and went to bed. i did not have the energy to take a shower.

it was not even 10pm yet so i let myself relax by working on my sewing project in bed, while listening to youtube in the background. finally i went to sleep around midnight.

[appreciatingtokrev]

i’m incredibly sleep deprived and nearly falling asleep as i’m typing so i don’t account for anything in this post okay

also don’t question me being sleep deprived at 10pm. idk either

anyways i think kisaki has his own little mini fridge in which he stores some soft drinks, a bottle of beer that hanma snuck in (only one because kisaki doesn’t really like beer) and, most importantly, a few lemons. he’s always stocked up during summer. he can’t even remember why, but he’s made it a habit to eat a cooled down slice of lemon or two during the heat, as some sort of refreshment. he’s very insecure about this as the one guy he eventually told made fun of him for it because it’s so strange. but he finds it somehow just works best for him when he wants to cool down.

he also always keeps a bowl of frozen grapes in his freezer. there’s also a teeny tiny snowman that hanma made for him. well, actually, it’s a replacement he made himself, because the power went out once and it melted, flooding his freezer, but he didn’t have the heart to tell hanma so he subtly kept him away from his freezer for four months until snow fell again and he could replace it with a new snowman. hanma still thinks it’s the original.

also. shower oranges!! (for anyone confused, look it up on reddit, there’s a whole subreddit for it. no, it’s not a fetish/kink. at least not for me i just think that shower oranges are neat) i think both kisaki and hanma have shower oranges. kisaki does treat them a little violently sometimes, when he fails. hanma, on the other hand, is very gentle with his shower oranges. someone once wrote a fic about him having hypochondria (health anxiety) and it hasn’t left me since so, even if he knows it’s stupid, he fears citrus fruits coming in contact with his skin. eating them? no problem, he knows that his insides are more resistent against acids. he hates pineapples, though solely because they actually feel/taste acidy. he loves oranges but can only barely eat them even when he’s extra careful, so when he found oranges in kisaki’s shower and got an explanation after asking what they’re for, a new world had opened before his eyes. now he tries to keep some oranges and tangerines ready for his showers because he doesn’t have any problems with getting dirty when the water immediately washes it away anyway.

[case-study-of-parenting]

A long post about baby's sleeping habits

For starters, Almond was a "good sleeper" from the very beginning. She spent her first week in NICU and "learned" there to sleep in her own bed and to get fed at certain hours. So when she got home she slept through the nights with 2 feeds, then 1 and eventually dropped the last feeding independently around 6 months.

Compared to that, Cinnamon has been a terrible sleeper. Innthe very beginning she had a bit trouble with breastfeeding so she used to feed every 2 hours even at night. And I was worried that Almond would wake up for her crying (as if she hasn't slept through a smoke alarm before...) so I just gave her milk every time she would cry even a bit rather than trying to sooth her otherwise. And that's how you get a baby who only calms for breast and still wakes up to feed at least 3 times a night at 7 months. To make all this even slightly more tolerable, we've been co-sleeping, so I don't have to get up every time.

Falling asleep isn't problem. Cinnamon usually falls asleep independently in her own bed and only after one of the feeds I let her stay next to me. But now I'm working on keeping her in her own bed all night.

During days Cinnamon usually takes one longer (1,5 hours) nap and then 2 shorter (45mins) ones. I hope we're slowly moving towards 2 longer naps. One day she did sleep almost 3 hours and that was when she was sleeping in our bed. So I decided I'd try to create more similar sleeping conditions to her own bed. Our bed is much softer that her firm mattress so I added one softer blanket under her sheets. Then I took my own used bedding sheet and threaded it between her crib's edge so she has a soft wall that smells like me.

Another thing affecting her night feeds are obviously day time feedings. We have slowly been able to increase the amount of solids but I only recently realized that her feeding so much at night probably prevents her from being hungry enough during days so it's a vicious cycle. So cutting back night feeds is important for that, too.

Anyway, Last night I applied all those changes to her bed and she slept in there all night. She fell asleep feeding around 8:15 pm. She woke up once crying sometime before 10pm and i soothed her without milk. She was a bit restless after that but was able to soothe herself. Then I fed her once around 11pm before going to sleep myself. And she then slept until 4am without waking up once! And with her history that is a long stretch! She was again a bit restless so I decided to feed her around 5am and then she slept until alarm at 7:15. So I'd call that a successful first nigh with these adjustments.

Hopefully she'll eat better today bc she only had 2 night feeds and slowly we can work to dropping those, too. I am trying to do as much as I can without actually sleep training but if it doesn't work then we'll probably do a few nights where husband takes over to drop the night feeds. But i'm fine with 1-2 feeds for now.

Congratulations to everyone who read the full post 😄 I will update after more night have passed.

[marcholasmoth]

OSRR: 3211

after sleeping in and confirming plans, i fell back asleep this morning and woke up finally with my "you should be leaving now" alarm. i got up real fast, showered, died of heat exhaustion, dressed, and left in like twenty minutes. not quite a record but damn close.

i went with a friend and her mom to get lunch at a vietnamese place and cupcakes from my favorite bakery. for lunch i got beef pho and dumplings and it was all really good. i ended up with leftovers, which was surprising, but the dumplings were filling. so i put it in a container, grabbed a spoon and chopsticks, asked for a bag, and packed it all away, and we left.

at the bakery i picked up some cupcakes and a flower cookie, the kind i usually get when i go there, the ones that are my favorite. i picked a blue one today. i'm very excited to eat it.

(i'll die on the hill that klemm's bakery is the best bakery in new hampshire. if someone can prove me wrong i'll still die on that hill.)

after that adventure, i went back to joel's and i took a nap. it had gradually been raining harder and harder over those few hours, so by the time i got back it was pretty loud on my little car. but it was dull out and gray and comforting, and it was definitely sleep-inducing. i was happy to go back to bed for a while.

i woke up a little after 6, having slept about two hours. i picked up my stuff and headed home, leaving my laptop there because i didn't really need to bring it home. i also put the cupcakes in the fridge.

i got home around 7, and i sat and talked with my momma for a bit. it'd been a few days since i was last home, so i wanted to check in on her to see how she was feeling, plus that's the one place left to sit in the house, and i just missed my momma.

i opened my mail, which included a lego set, a thank you card from gramma, and the order i placed from the northeastern bookstore. i was actually able to read gramma's handwriting, which was nice, because that doesn't usually happen. the lego set is one of the four things i ordered from the lego website on star wars day, because they were having a star wars promo if you spent like $75. so i did. the rest are back ordered so i'm waiting on those still.

i grabbed my switch from my room to download a game which crow and cricket sent me money for as a graduation gift. which was super nice! because i got to play with them too! we spent two hours playing mario party together and it was so fun! i'm so happy they're my friends.

once we were done it was past 10pm, and i still hadn't had dinner. i went downstairs, and it turned out mom hadn't had dinner either, not really. that's like the one thing i don't really enjoy about being home, is having the responsibility of coordinating meals between four or five people when one of them works until 9pm, one doesn't really care, one doesn't contribute, another is judgmental and has dietary restrictions, and the last one is me.

it's frustrating, that's all.

anyway, i ate my soup leftovers. i took out onion as i went, reestablishing my distaste for white onions and reinvigorating my detestation for green onions. i also took out the meatball. it had a bad texture.

but it was still good! it's better fresh, but it was still good.

i grabbed some ice cream and munched on it while watching the baseball game before momma went to bed.

i washed out one of my new cups and filled it for the evening with ice water, and i hung out with chels for a little bit before deciding to head to bed. i packed up my cookie so it's still fresh when i have it and so it's protected from being crunched.

i care about little things. i care a lot.

a few other things.

when i was sleeping in this morning, joel came back into the room twice, once when i was sitting up having taken my meds, probably around 9:40, and once around 10:30 or something, when i had covered myself in blankets as well as blooper and the puppy. he said "did you fall back asleep??" and i slowly popped my head up from behind the stack of squish and said "no." he said "did you take your meds??" "i did take my meds, and i'm sleepy." "how are you still sleepy??? i'm WIRED." "my meds quiet everything else so i can sleep." he shook his head before saying "you're silly" and patting me on the head. he grabbed whatever it was he needed and left again.

i didn't open my computer today, but i tried to fix my gmail nonsense that i've got goin on. i set up forwarding a long time ago but it doesn't forward everything, so i need to open it properly so i can see the shit that doesn't go to my other email account. rip.

speaking of emails, i saw, in my inbox, a message as i was cleaning out the new garbage emails. it was from one of the places i applied to this week. they want to schedule a time to talk about the position. i double checked the posting to see if it was the one i thought it was for, and it is - it's the daytime, full-time shift that i was realistically hoping for. so i'm hoping to talk to them on monday or something. that'd be nice.

that's where i am about now. excited, didn't think i'd get this far, tired. hungry. tummy grumbling. time for sleeping.

[queensparklekitten]

last night there were too many clouds to see any of the sky and i partied in a windowless room until 3am and when i fell asleep afterwards my brain spun a dream where i saw the lights, i was at my grandparents' house, it was 4am and in the dream i had come there directly from the party and was still in that dress but all the family members and their friends who were there were awake like it was only 9-10pm.

the lights were different though. not like real ones. they weren't just auroras in the sky, though there was that too, they started off also having dancing red, green, and blue lights that I now notice are rather reminiscent of the LED ones from earlier that night. Then there was a dragon, not like how people interpret them from auroras irl but an actual HD white-and-blue illusion dragon made of coloured light that flew up to the window. it was one of those eastern style ones with the long body. i pointed it out and everyone ran to the window and saw for themselves. by this point the room had become a train of sorts, it was the same room but with windows where they hadn't been before, a different shape, and it was moving as though along a rail. mostly the same people were there. i did at one point wonder when and how the room changed but didn't dwell on it because i was having too much fun. at one point the lights right outside the window briefly turned into various characters pointing at me, though from the dialogue with my family members, maybe that part was intended as an HD representation of how my mind was interpreting the formation. throughout the rest of it, there weren't really more of these high-definition illusions, mostly just pretty auroras in the sky, but the lights appeared to come down to earth and cover the buildings we passed by. eventually we went outside as the sun was rising and because the remaining lights had done this we could walk on them in a way, though only briefly as the sun was rising.

it was around then, when day broke in my dream, that i woke up, not all at once. i could feel myself waking up, i could see and hear the scene in my dream but it was faded to black at the edges and no longer in first person (i often dream in third person but this one was in first), and i could feel the blanket over me and the position i was in. i was surprised that it had been a dream from the start, but i was not angry or sad that it was not real. if anything i was happy that my mind had created this scene for me to enjoy, and just because it was all a dream (which became obvious in hindsight as i looked back on a lot of it) doesn't make the sights i saw there any less pretty

[c-o-r-r-u-p-t]

So we fell asleep last night

I didn’t mean to stay the night but I asked if we could pretend things were normal for a little while and she said she would be happy if I stayed

So I rolled another joint and we watched American dad as I sat on the foot of her bed

And when the joint went out she turned herself and put her head on my lap and fell asleep

It was 10pm, and I made myself as comfortable as I could and fell asleep with her

I woke up around 3:30 and got up and smoked and cried and read her letter again and repeated that cycle for a while until I turned the lights out and got back into my awkward little spot curled up opposite her like we were ying and yang and fell asleep again

She woke up around 5 and we got under the covers and went back to sleep and stayed like that until I woke up at 7 and she woke up at 8:30

And then in the morning we acted like nothing happened. I rolled a joint and made coffee and she put on music and we hung out.

I had a little collection of things I had picked up for her here and there over the year that I brought over the night before thinking I might not see her again. A sweater I thought she’d like, a shelf for her wall, a sticker book, a shirt I had borrowed. I also gave her a bracelet

I got this bracelet over a year ago. It’s matching actually, and the two halves form a heart magnetically. Ones pink and ones black. I got it for her before her birthday last year and wanted to give it to her last Valentine’s Day, but she was getting freaked out about how serious we were getting back then so I never gave it to her. I told her I wasn’t planning on ever giving it to her but now that there’s no expectation behind it I just wanted her to have it. As I was handing it to her and explaining how I didn’t expect her to wear it, it just might be nice to each have one, she immediately puts it on and tells me how much she loves it. So I say you’re welcome, happy Valentine’s Day. And it was painful but it was also a really sweet moment. I’m wearing my half too.

She then said how she still wanted to make up valentines day for me, so we agreed to meet up Saturday night for a late Valentine’s Day celebration. And that’ll be the same thing. Painful but really sweet.

We hung out the rest of the day until she left for work at 2:30. Gave each other a hug a little tighter than normal and an extra few kisses goodbye and said see you this weekend.

Idk how I feel right now. I’m obviously devastated because, once again, the person who I would do anything for just doesn’t want to put in the effort to keep me. Which means I lose my favorite person. I don’t get to spend my time watching this beautiful person just be herself. And I may complain a lot but just watching her have fun with herself made me so happy. I fell in love with her over and over and over again. And I would for the rest of my life. But she doesn’t want to be in love with someone. She’s falling in love with herself right now and that’s what she needs to do.

So yeah, I’m devastated. But at the same time, I’ve never felt more loved and respected. She finally just did what was best for me, even if that was admitting it wasn’t her and letting me go. It’s an awful feeling, but that’s what loving someone is. Doing what’s best for them even if it’s shit for you. And that’s what’s she’s doing.

Neither of us want this. We both wish we wanted and needed the same things, but we don’t. Taking care of her needs means neglecting mine, and vice versa, because they’re the opposite of each other. It’s not that we didn’t love each other. It’s not that either of us did anything wrong. It’s just not what we need. It doesn’t work. There’s no fault in that. It’s just sad.

So i guess we have these few days and then im going to have to really say goodbye to her. And im already looking for ways out of it but I know I shouldn’t be. She told me what she needed and she told me she can’t give me what i need or deserve. She loves me just not as much as i love her. She doesn’t want to just be friends with me or have our relationship change or to lose me, but doesn’t want to put effort into a relationship. So I can stay and just accept and be okay with getting less than I deserve for who knows who long. Or I can give up my favorite person, the first person to only make me fall harder the longer I know her, to go find someone else who wants the same things as me. I know I need to walk away and let us both get on with our lives but this is so awful. Neither of us want to say goodbye.

Happy Valentine’s Day.

[postcards-to-home]

Letting Go: 2023

‘Have you taken a look at your old posts?” Yes, sort of, thats kind of what brought me to dig that password out again to make a post. “Well read them again. They’re pretty…inspirational actually. Truly. Just please do it.”

Shape of You/ Ed Sheeran

Fitting 9 people deep into a 5 seater Toyota Fitz at 2 am was not how I anticipated starting the year off. Riding the center console with all the windows rolled up I wondered out loud who the hell was sober enough to drive this thing back to the Aruba Beach Club? Last I recalled we had closed Ricardo's down after slamming over 100 beers in 3 hours, with a unanimous cry from the bartenders, ``You guys broke the record of the most beers ever consumed in one shift.``We’d managed to hit downtown, with chaos tailing closely behind us until open signs flickered off. Someplace between the Ritz and Hilton we huddled on the beach forming a semi circle around a fat Dutchmaster with our fingers cupping the flame of a single lighter. The waves trickled below the pier we stood on as we watched the boats pass between Venezuela and our tiny island of Aruba. Leave it to D-rock to get weed immediately after passing through customs. As a gang of cousins, It was a first for us to all be together overseas. There was peace between us all as we star gazed, except for Tyler filming himself in the background talking about "getting his bag" and "visiting the red-light district". Good Ole Frank shoved us into the clown car half dead at 3 am managing to hit every speed bump he could until we crash landed at the ABC hotel. Jason never made it out of bed the next day and Frank managed to be at the pool by 9. I understand entirely how we are family after that joy ride.

Im Good (Blue) // David Guetta & Bebe Rexha

Trips with family are always special and I wish I could have had that same feeling I had cruising down the Aruban highway at 3am as I did in Las Vegas this year for my Bachelorette party. While It didn’t pan out that way that I had pictured in my mind, those that made the journey sure did make me smile. The trip itself panned out so far in the other direction I actually wondered if anyone would give a shit about that one time I had 3 vodka cranberries on a vintage casino tour where I took pictures of the retro shag rugs with cowboys on them and fell asleep by 10pm sharp. It was the same trip in which I got to dress up like a bedazzled flamingo and had all my besties shower me with love, something I can't be thankful enough for. They had the ball literally dropped on their heads and they managed to keep moving forward with my happiness as the focus. It wouldn't have been a "Nicole" Trip if I didn't make a fool of myself at least once. I realized after I got off the elevator that my underwear were in fact tucked into the outside of my shirt with the worst part being I was 100% sober. Despite no one winning thousands of dollars or managing to buy a lap dance we did trek through the desert in a hot pink jeep and that was the highlight of the entire trip.After that, we flew home, we threw out anything that had to do with those that hurt us intentionally and we let that shit go.

When I grow up // The pussycat Dolls

Fast Car// Luke Combs

The year snowballed, and if I may, I’d like to address the elephant in the room. I’ll save everyone the details but I hope this is the last year of my life I have to experience the sudden violent interjection of a fentanyl overdose once again and the familiar destruction it brings. I hope those reading never have to live with seeing your family crowded around the kitchen window sobbing as you see your uncle bent over, dead on the sofa from a coke overdose.Upsetting and startling to read? Yes, but at least he wasn't found crumpled in a ball on the bathroom floor like his son was.  It was of no surprise to receive the news, still tragic no less. It's the one time in my life I wish my intuition was wrong. My mom reminded me I’d called it,emphasizing the need to never tell her in advance when my spidey senses tell me things are going to go south with someone. I had no memory of telling cousin Robert this in January but he wasted no time reminding everyone I knew this would happen before it happened. Jay and I spoke to the officer at the scene on a first name basis hearing “This is the 9th one this week.” It clicked there standing in the rain that the apple doesn't fall far from the tree, something I said to Tommy at 9 years old. He was pretty pissed to hear that back then as a 15 year old delinquent. Yet here I am breathing and his ashes are now somewhere in the Moab desert, Schaghticoke, with bitch face and gram down at the cemetery in Cohoes . It was bad enough we buried aunt Ona next to Gram on Thursday but having to go back on Friday to bury Jr in the adjacent plot the following day was just simply too much for us. Maybe we all should have taken those free narcans Grandma Debbie was giving out two Decembers ago that she got from the county jail. But I'll let that thought go.

Way of the Truine God// Tyler Childs

There came a point in the year where pounding the pavement felt like second nature. Work, farm, picking, shows, repeat.Toggling google maps and driving down back country roads into no mans land had me thinking I was pioneering my own adventure.But then standing outside some abandoned house, freezing in line with #27 stuffed in my back pocket I would wonder , is this even fucking worth it? Somewhere close by a  grouchy bastard cranked a heater next to me mumbling about the cast iron pan he wants at the sale. “Cheap thrills” Id giggle sifting through some dead person's Attic knee deep in a mouse house. I drove chaotically through the tri-county region slinging antiques, singing reggaeton of all things at the top of my lungs, driving down 787 doing 90 in a 65mph. We  trucked car loads of plants to antique shows this year all thanks to Dad, Jay mom and Toni. Success is easy when you have a mini squad of family cheering you on the sidelines, willingly sacrificing Saturday mornings to unload trailers at 7am. I was living the dream and my heart would explode on the good days. On the bad days I’d doubt myself but maybe it was willpower, or just simply my spirit throttling my vessel screaming “ You’ve got this,” but It all worked out the way either way.I let my doubt go.

Just Breathe// Pearl Jam

I understood the meaning of family even more when Jimmy and I were sipping Vodka sodas at the Saratoga Civic Center watching Marissa cross the stage for her high school graduation. Somewhere in between slow sipping and clapping Jen lost her large $1 Mcdonalds diet coke all over the venue floor.Poppy with no hearing aids stood by with judgment in his eyes while I took “Obituary” pictures. He wondered out loud "What the hell is going on," but his voice was lost in the crowd and he couldn't give damn.

Just like we did 7 summers ago, we took that first ride out to college for move in day except this time it was Marissa's turn.We dropped  Marissa off at college just two weeks shy of Jay and I’s wedding wondering what would transpire in the two weeks before her return. We conspired how her first term would go over chili and chicken tenders at the only bar in town. I heard alot of bitching about leaving a purse behind a dumpster and “I need a fucking smoke.” between gram and pops. With a black coffee and fresh pack of reservation grade cigs, poppy and I hit the road home from SUNY Morrisville. Believe it or not pops spent the entire two hours chatting about the past in a way I never knew he was capable of. I'll never see him the same way again, and i'm content with it. We started out with “ I dont believe in god so when I'm gone just do whatever makes you guys feel good,” and ended with “ I’m glad we got to talk to Nicole, I really liked it. I still don't believe in God but I believe you speak to my mom in your dreams and I can’t explain that.” It was an entire short novel of everything I ever wanted to know explained all at once leaving me with sentiments of peace.

Drive//Alan Jackson

The pivot towards happily ever after did not commence until walking back up the aisle to catch a drink in my hand.  What a magical day we had. Chalking the day up in my mind I anticipated something far less significant than what had actually happened, simply put, a beautiful day. A day that was talked about with anxiety and ten tons of stress for nearly two years straight, amassing to a single day of blissful drinking surrounded by LOVE and all our favorite people. It felt like our own movie premier, except it was the start our "New life". We had a crowd of family stare at us with tears of laughter in their eyes as we shared our first dance to Hootie and the Blow fish’s “Only wanna be with you." If you're wondering it was totally the wrong choice, last minute and we weren't nearly drunk enough to hide how mortified we were swinging each other round and round. Endless bouts of laughter rang throughout the entire night helping to deflect the thought that some of my favorite people in the world weren’t able to be in attendance that day. Despite the potential for rain as my dad predicted, the day was nothing but sunshine and bliss. A few people cried over their ex’s in the corner that I never saw while one guy went fishing in the pond catching a small mouth bass. Shortly after that he managed to drop an entire keg on his head leaving an egg sized welt on his forehead perfectly positioned for his headlamp to rest on. It all came to an end with everyone barefoot, slurring words in the barn at 2 am, muddy from drunkenly falling down the hill that the barn sat upon. With ruined dresses, we ran out of water and woke the next day with black feet and nothing but giggles. 

Galaxy// Quavo

Controversial to popular opinion, honeymoons are not easy breezy lemon squeezy and probably shouldn't be taken immediately after your wedding day unless you're prepared to melt from exhaustion prior to landing someplace thousands of miles from home. I will admit it was pretty cool to ride in a cop car through Newark airport while also being personally escorted through TSA all thanks to Josh. After that Jay and I tumbled fast, hitting EU soil with peak levels of bitchiness letting Mallorca test my zen before even getting there. European mannerisms are something we are still coming to terms with and my Spanish is still B2 at best despite Laura’s constant push for me to do more and be better. "Nico, you can do this, it will be easy, you know this." No one told me it was Catalonian Spanish..

If it weren't for Jason driving on 3 hours of sleep and a Xanax I'm not sure we would have survived the first 8 hours on the island (Ok I would have made it but it wouldn't have been an endless laugh).There is no other person on this earth I could imagine driving a fiat with into a plaza full of people..No one else I could picture driving down a one lane country rode with singing Quavos “Fuel Up” and crashing into a rock wall,forcing me to get out of the car and wave down a local for support. It would have been pretty awesome if a camera crew appeared to remind us of that moment of defeat when I bitchly slammed the car door in jays face, saying “STFU ill fix this,” while he sat defeated from the days series of unfortunate events. That tire was the only thing preventing us from entering an air-conditioned unit and I wasn't going to let my man melt away. Senior Tony came to the rescue after I waved him down through barbed fencing, letting me into his gated home to ask in Spanish for support along with his wifi password. All that to find out the parking break was jammed and our rental house had timed AC of 1 hour a day from 3-4am. 

Still,there's no person other than Jay i’d rather crash our vespa with in deadstop traffic just moments before returning the rental. Jay and I are what romcoms are made from. We lived it, we survived and we laughed the entire ride down the one lane mountain rode in one piece. We trash talked the guy with "Love” tattooed on his neck that told jay to never ride a vespa again because he's never been so scared in his life to watch a man ride one like jay.Jay's also the guy I can always count on to make friends with the black girls with the speaker and meet random townies at the bar with. His energy is truly unmatched. Bless his heart for picking me, his one beer queer that pees in dirt parking lots at 10pm on our honeymoon to live with the rest of his life.

6PM en Mallorca/ Eladio Carrion

There would be days where I was simply vibrating with the need to do it all at once and then some on an empty stomach and a few energy drinks. Healthy wasn't on my radar so I suffered the consequences. It shouldn't have been shocking to learn I was diagnosed with HSP (Highly sensitive person) but to be simply put, it felt like someone gave me the answer I’d been looking for my whole life. Jokingly, I now had an excuse for my hangry episodes, dramatic mood drops and inability to tolerate social outings for longer than 2.5 hours before committing an Irish goodbye home to charge my social battery. Swan would say “Hey Nicole, hows your HSP these days,” like an asshole and we’d all laugh at the thought of me actually having a real life crisis and not something I exaggerated. With this revelation I was mildly pissed because it meant Taylor was sort of right in saying I was autistic all those years ago. While she was sneaking cookies in her sock drawer, feeding her 8 month pregnant belly on the o there side of our shared wall, she screamed at me I was autistic because I didn’t care for loud noises or her shitty attitude. On the spectrum or not, I'll let that go too.

Seasons change and things wound down. It's January as I write this with my health intact along with everything else in my mental portfolio. I've stopped hearing from my manager “ Nicole Im worried about your mental health, maybe you should take time off.”  and instead I'm hearing from those around me “Congratulations" and "you should feel so proud." I am proud actually, its a new feeling. I learnt a lot of lessons this year but ultimately it boils down to one simple message that applies to every facet of our existence: Light & Love. Thats it.

As long as youre striving to be as close to light and love as possible, whatever that is for you, then it will all work out in the end. And It really has. My whole life feels lighter just knowing as long as I gravitate towards genuine love and goodness, all good things will follow and come back.

  "The whole universe is always about love and when it isnt about love its about the absence of love."

Thanks for reading,

NRCM

*Want to read my old posts? Curious what about the past, or just simply nosey? Click "Past Work" on the left to read all my old shit.

[akiitos]

Hihihiiiii

uhhh

hru :D i hope ure healthy and well (unlike me/hj)

Uhhhh anyways! If possible, could I request a Toya, Akito, Rui, and Tsukasa (separate obv) with a gn reader who literally cannot sleep with 1) something in their arms, and 2) atleast something the reader can hear (whether itd be music, a normal conversation, a tv playing, anYTHING)

Also heres two little scenarios if you have a hard time trying to figure out what to do with this request: 1) them cuddling their s/o while either singing or just talking with the reader, or maybe just a song playing or a channel going off on the tv. 2) when they get home at like 10pm they just find the reader sleeping with a squishmallow and a spotify playlist going off from their phone. Or 3) after they finish talking to someone on the phone, they go to theirs' and s/o's shared room just to find them sleeping peacefully with a squishmallow (next thing they know its because they were talking to someone on the phone)

Uhh if your requests are closed, you can just ignore this (or delete it), and if you feel as if you cant do this, feel free to once again, ignore or delete

Alright I should uhh prolly go now it's 4:20am here and I'm supposed to be awake by 6:30am (not like im gonna sleep honestly)

Alrighty, uhhh, byebhe have a nice day/night

(also im sorry if it's a lil disorganized to you)

project sekai boys x gn!reader

summary: you tend to fall asleep when you're cuddling something, and if youre listening to something!

;; hcs style

@ toya aoyagi

• you were literally SO tired but toya was over and it was insane. so you just got your favorite plush and hugged it as he left the room for a bit

• but uhhh you wanted something to be listening to aswell

• so you just got out your phone, played the shared playlist that you and him have and just shut your eyes in a soft bliss

• after a few minutes, he walked into your room and had almost no reaction-

• i mean, he was pretty suprised that you fell asleep this quick.

• he kissed your cheek and ran his cold hands against your warm body lovingly

• he tried going near you without waking you up, and probably fell asleep too tbh

• cute.

@ akito shinonome

• he knew of your habits beforehand, and didn't seem to care

• so, he wasn't suprised when you asked him to call you in the middle of the night so you can sleep

• he pretended to be annoyed, but still agreed to it anyway.

• it was like 12 am and you asked if he could talk about his day, or tell stories

• he did, and honestly...

• best experience ever. may ask again!

• if you do end up falling asleep on call with him, he'll go on mute and admire you (NOT IN A WEIRD WAY)

• he'd fall asleep after you.

• he's so ahhhhhebsnka

@ rui kamishiro

• sort of like akito, you'd mostly call/face time him if he couldn't be with you at the moment

• if he notices you cant sleep, he'll ask if you'd want to call -- if you say yes, then he'll happily obliege.

• he'll talk about anything. literally anything

• mostly about his inventions, though

• he's one of the best people to go to for this, since his voice is so relaxing. like wtf??

• if he notices you're asleep, he'll either stay on call- or hang up and send you a sweet text message.

• he doesnt mind calling you whatsoever, and actually enjoys it, since he likes having someone to rant to.

• rly helpful! 5☆ ratingg

@ tsukasa tenma

• ok. here this boy goes

• he likes buying you plushies, and everytime you sleep with them, it reminds you of him

• you like sleeping over at his house, as he likes sleeping over at your house too.

• no matter whose house, he'll be really good at talking

• he can talk about ANYTHING. when i say anything, i mean ANYTHING

• be it his sister, his life, hell- he'll even talk about you!

• when he does talk to you, he has the calm voice that soothes you to sleep

• fallen asleep already? ah, too bad, i wasnt done yet, he says as he kisses your forehead and lays down beside you

[deq22rawf]

Flowers for the Moon

Diluc ⎯ The Dark Side of Dawn

synopsis ⎯ after weeks of waiting for him to come back after a mission, you finally grow impatient as you try to find him, not knowing that he cheated on you for someone else.

warnings : cheating, reader catching him cheat (even though he wouldn't), crying???, sobbing and slight cursing. also not proofread.

authors note : woohoo! i finally had the motivation of writing (also this was a fucking re-write of the previous diluc story hehe. also how to word count)

⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯

It was a stormy evening at Dawn Winery, the rain was pouring as little taps by the window were cause by the rain. It was cold, so cold. You wished you had Diluc with to cuddle with you during this stormy night, actually when was he going to come back? You can't wait to suprise him when he came back!

Your lights was still on, writing a poem you would read out loud once he came back, I'm sure he'll love this poem! You said to yourself, you were such a naive person back then, falling in love so easily which caught the attention of your now husband, Diluc.

Your mind was starting to wander as you suddenly snap back to reality, what time was it? 10pm? 11pm? 12am? You didn't know, your eyelids were feeling heavier than ever as you dropped the pain, ready to go to sleep.

You plopped yourself down onto the bedsheets, clutching tightly at the pillows imagining it was Diluc. You soon fell asleep as you dreamt of Diluc finally hugging you after weeks.

⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯

The sunlight brushing your face ever so slightly as you were still clutching the pillow. You woke to the sound of the doors of the mansion opening, was Diluc finally home?! Were you finally going to have dinner with him again? Breakfast and lunch?! You stood up with excitement, running down to the stairs like a kid excited to open their presents.

Your reality was crushed to see that it was just Kaeya, smiling and waving back at you as your messy hair was covering your face. You let out a slight smile as you walked up the stairs once more, ready to get dressed for work.

⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯

"Are you alright Y/N? You seemed to be a little... Lonely hm? Do you need my company?"

"Ahaha, no Kaeya, I'm just fine on my own, I'm not THAT lonely you know!"

You gave him a playful push as you grin at him, he was right you know, you were a little lonely since Diluc still wasn't back yet, I mean he did tell you he was going to be gone for a couple of weeks.

Your train of thought was immediately cut off as you hit a pole, making your fall on your butt.

"Fuck! That hurt!"

Kaeya chuckled. "You do have a tendency to be clumsy, make sure to be aware next time, okay? I don't want to see you have a bruise on your forehead."

You rolled your eyes. "Yeah yeah, I know, I'm not a little kid Kaeya."

"I'm just saying." Kaeya pulled you up.

⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯

The town was quieter than usual, the people were whispering and looking at you and Kaeya, they didn't really think you were cheating on him.. Right?

"Don't listen to them Y/N." His eyes peeled on the road, keeping his smug face.

"But, how can I not? They're whispering about us."

"I'm sure it's not us, maybe someone else? Like my brother?" He gave a slight hum as he kept walkong with you.

Finally, you reached the doors of the 'Knights of Favonius' where your husband keep saying that they're always so inefficient. You quite missed him berating them infront of you.

⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯

"There. Is. So. Much. Paperwork."

You muttered to yourself, your hair disheveled as you kept writing down report on who is the infamous Abyss Order's 'prince.' Luckily there was Jean on your side who kept you sane through the whole day, usually giving you coffee or snacks.

Finally, the day has ended as you waved your goodbyes to Jean, Lisa and Klee. Walking down the cobblestone road with Kaeya as he hummed.

⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯

"Hey Kaeya."

He stopped humming as he gave you a questioning gaze.

"What is it, Y/N?"

"When will Diluc finally come home?"

He pretends to think about it for a moment, his hands brushing over his chin.

"In three days or so, it's just a guess."

"I hope so."

⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯

The cold night of Monstadt always gave you comfort, the moonlight illuminating the city as a gust of wind headed both your way. Slight crickets could be heard amongst the trees as you were picking flowers.

The cool breeze was running through you hair as Kaeya was quiet while walking towards the large mansion.

"I guess this is my stop, Kaeya. I'll see you tomorrow, I guess."

"I bid you farewell, Y/N. Goodnight." His form was walking away from the mansion, the slight jingle of his boots were slowly fading away.

⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯

You opened the mansion doors as all the maids were asleep, was it already 10 o' clock? Nevermind, it's time for you to sleep. You changed into your pajamas as you went in and hopped into your bed, falling asleep immediately after a long day of working.

⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯

9:30 am

⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯

It was Saturday, a day where you could do anything. Sadly nothing interesting happened, just Jean strolling around Monstadt with Klee as she almost blowed up Katheryn's booth, Kaeya sitting on a bench reading something. Lisa was nowhere to be found surprisingly and Diluc was still on that mission.

⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯

Sunday.

It was Sunday.

You were growing fucking impatient, just where was he you thought to yourself, its been 3 weeks since you last saw him. So finally, you decided to put matters in your own hands as you checked all of the most common spots where you could find him, you asked Katheryn where he was and she didn't know either.

Just where the hell was he?!

⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯

Every day, you were growing impatient more and more and more. You missed him so much, you missed the way he smiled, you missed the ways he cuddled with you, gave you kisses, whisper sweet nothings into your ears, massaging your back. You had missed Diluc, every day was tearing you apart more and more until you finally asked a person that could had gave you a lead.

He was last seen in Springvale, talking to a person and he immediately ran off.

So you promised yourself, you promised yourself to go to Springvale tommorow.

⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯

Thursday, 12:44 PM.

⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯

You were strolling around Monstadt once more with Kaeya as you suddenly asked him a question.

"Hey um, Kaeya."

"Hm? Is there anything you need Y/N?"

"Is it possible you could accompany me to.. Springvale today?" You looked at him.

"Hmm.. Let me think... Of course, I'm free today anyway."

Your eyes lit up with excitement. "Really?! Come on let's go!"

"Alright, alright. Let's go." He chuckled.

⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯

As you were walking to Springvale, you suddenly got an uneasy feeling from your gut, like there was something bad that was going to happen, you ignored the feeling and kept walking.

Finally, you arrived to Springvale, you never been hear for a long while. The wind brushing through your hair as the people were chatting away happily, some kids playing and some people strolling around.

Suddenly you noticed a familiar red haired person walking towards an alleyway with a person, it looked like another.. Woman.

"Hey.. Kaeya, can you stay here for a moment."

"Of course, I'll wait for you. It's not like I'm going to disappear like my brother." He laughed.

"You're such a tease, Kaeya." You rolled your eyes playfully.

⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯

Your heart was racing faster than ever as you approached the alleyway, not knowing about what's going to happen. When suddenly, a shocking reality hit you.

"She'll never know, Donna."

"Hmm~ Are you sure, Master Diluc? I feel like she's just here, staring at us." She said, kissing his cheek lovingly.

He kissed her back. "She'll never know, alright?" His hands were by her waist as they were both having a full make-out session. You couldn't believe your eyes as hot tears spilled down your face.

You couldn't look back as you ran away from the scene, back to Kaeya.

You hugged him tightly and cried into his chest, his confused deamenor looking down at you.

"Are you... Alright Y/N?"

"N-No! I'm not fucking okay Kaeya! H-He's fucking cheating on me with someone else!" Your tears was staining his clothes, he was starting to hug you tightly, wrapping his arms around your back.

"I w-want.. To.. Leave Kaeya.. I don't want to come back.."

"Let's go.. Then... We'll talk in the morning, alright? You can stay by my house if you want to." He kissed your forehead as he played with your hair, hugging you tightly.

"Please let's just go!" You begged and pleaded with him, your tears couldn't stop, his hands were wrapped around your fingers delicately.

"Whatever you say, Y/N." As he held your hand while walking, not noticing Diluc was staring right at you with regret, shame and digust. How could he be so.. Obvious? Shameless? How could he cheat on someone that only wanted to love him back. He knows he can't repair this relationship, soon enough your heart will belong to someone else.

Someone else that isn't him.

authors note 2 ⎯ I AM SO SORRY IF THIS IS SHIT LMAO, THIS IS MY FIRST TIME WRITING THIS MUCH (also my hands hurt)

[satinsatan420]

Down the Drain.

TW: Fem!MC, MC!Melissa (Personal MC), Replaced!AU, blood, violence, cussing, pet names (Let me know if I missed anything please!)

***********************************************************

This is my first time actually posting a fic that I wrote. Not very good, but please let me know if I missed any TW's or anything! I hope you guys enjoy!

******************************************************************

It hasn’t been the same since the new exchange student came around. Diavolo decided that the exchange program was going so well that they should add more students. Sure, at first I was excited. There was going to be another human here with me. (Of course, Solomon doesn’t count…) Everything was great for a while. Ellie & I got along pretty well. But 4 months after she arrived, everything started to change.

“Hey, Asmo! Do you wanna-” 

“Sorry, Melissa! Can’t talk right now. I gotta go help Ellie get ready for Diavolo’s party! See ya later!” Asmo cut me off. He didn’t even look at me, he just kept walking away. It’s been more common lately for Asmo to be dolling Ellie up. He never wanted to have our spa days, always saying he already had plans.

“Hey Beel, do you wanna go get some food before the party?” I smiled at him.

“No, Ellie made me a bunch of sweets to hold me over.” He replied while stuffing his mouth with some muffins. “Oh. Okay. See ya around then.” I walked out of the kitchen. Even Beel doesn’t want to spend time with me anymore. Apparently Ellie was a really good baker, and she was constantly making things for Beel.

As I was walking down the hallway with my head down, I accidentally ran into Satan. “You need to watch where you’re going, Melissa.” Satan said in a sour tone. “I-I’m sorry, Satan.. I’ve just had a bad day.” I looked up at him, and he scoffed and walked away. 

I saw Lucifer coming out of his study, so I decided to see if maybe Lucifer would help me pick out something to wear to the party. “Lucifer! Do you have a minute?” I asked. I quickly walked up to him. “No. I do not, Melissa.” He replied. I looked him in the eyes with a pleading look on my face. “A-are you sure? It will only be a min-” “I said no. Go find someone else to bother. I’m busy.” I felt tears starting in my eyes.

It hurt. None of the brothers wanted to spend any time with me. ‘I know Mammon will wanna hang out!’ I thought to myself. And boy, was I wrong.

“Ya can’t just come bargin’ into my room like that! Who do ya think ya are, huh?!” Mammon yelled. We were always so close, and I knew that Mammon was in love with me. All I did was walk into his room, and he started yelling at me. I froze in shock. Why me? When I looked around his room, I realized why he was yelling at me. The picture frames on his wall that once had pictures of us and some fun times together, were replaced by pictures of Mammon & Ellie, taken outside of RAD.

Out of every one of the brothers, I thought that Mammon would always care about me. But I was wrong. I felt so small and weak. I was tired of trying to stay strong and pretend this was just some phase since there’s a new person around. I looked at Mammon, and he just rolled his eyes.

“What’dya want, human? There’s nothing here for ya, scat!” He said as he shooed me with his hands. I tried so hard to hold back my tears. I turned around and ran for my room. I laid on my bed for what seemed like days. I cried until I exhausted myself and fell asleep.

I woke up to hear my DDD going off. When I picked it up, I realized it was 10pm. Diavolo’s party started at 5pm. I overslept! But…. None of the brothers woke me up? Did they just not care if I was there? Looking at my notifications, I see a message from Diavolo.

    Diavolo: Melissa, you are very much missed tonight. I do hope you start feeling better soon. Please, do not hesitate to let me know if there is anything myself or Barbatos can do to help you feel better.

I was confused. Feel better? I’m not sick or anything, so what did he mean?

     Melissa: Hello, Lord Diavolo! I’m so sorry, but I am a little confused. What do you mean by feel better?

     Diavolo: The brothers said that you had fallen ill, and that is why you did not show up for the party. Have you fallen ill?

My heart dropped. They told him I was sick? So they couldn’t be bothered to wake me up? I felt the now familiar pain in my heart. I knew now that everything I was scared of, everything that I had expressed to them with them replying ‘There’s nothing to worry about, Melissa. We all love and care for you very deeply. No one could ever replace you’ bullshit, was true. I was being replaced by a preppy show off bitch.

     Melissa: No, my Lord… I fell asleep… I guess none of the brothers wanted to wake me. I apologize for being absent. 

I laid my DDD on my nightstand, and changed out of my RAD uniform into a long, comfy shirt and some socks. I went down to the kitchen to get something to eat. Since no one was home, I figured it would be okay to go into the kitchen with my pj’s on. I made some Hell Fire noodles, and tried to quickly eat them before everyone got home. As I finished the last bite, I heard the front door open.

“MELISSA!!!” Lucifer yelled, he sounded livid. I flinched, and tried to sneak my way back into my room and pretend to be asleep. As I was creeping down the hallway, just inches away from my door, someone grabbed me from behind.

“Do you really think you could sneak away? Ha. Pathetic human.” Lucifer’s words were laced with hate. “W-what? No!” I replied. He picked me up and threw me over his shoulder, then started walking towards the living room. “Lucifer! Put me down! Where are you taking me?!” I screamed. I tried to fight. I tried throwing myself around to get him to drop me, but his grip just got tighter. “Keep fighting, Melissa. It’s only going to make this worse.” I immediately stopped. 

‘This is it. He’s going to kill me.’ I thought to myself. Lucifer dropped me, and I hit my head pretty hard on the side of the coffee table. Everything was really blurry and my ears were ringing for a few moments. But as everything came back, I saw the brothers standing around the room and… laughing? I reach up to my forehead to find blood staining my hand. I looked up at Lucifer, who was now in his demon form and said “Lucifer… what has gotten into you?” He looked furious.

He practically spit in my face. “How dare you try to make me look bad in front of Lord Diavolo!” He spat. I curled myself into a ball on the floor and started crying. “I didn’t do anything, Lucifer!” I cried. He just laughed at me. All of them did. “Bullshit, human! Diavolo told us what you said! Ya told him we were liars and didn’t want nothing to do with ya!” Mammon yelled from the other side of the room. Sitting next to him was Ellie. She just smiled at me the whole time. I felt defeated. I knew this is where I come to an end.

“I never said that! All I said was that I wasn’t sick! I swear!” I yelled. I tried getting up to go get my DDD to prove it to them, but Lucifer knocked me back down. “Did I say you could get up, human?” I shook my head. I sat there, as each brother took their turn degrading me. Telling me how useless I am, how I could never accomplish anything, etc, etc. But what hurt the worst, was them telling me “Ellie is so much better than you. You could never be like her!” I sat there and listened to every hateful word they had to say.

Once everyone was done, I stood up and brushed my legs off. “Is everybody done?” I got hateful stares in return. “Okay, good. I’m glad you all got that out of the way. If you’ll excuse me, I’ll be packing my things.” As I started walking towards my room, Satan grabbed my wrist. “Who said you could leave, Melissa?”         He laughed. I tried pulling away, but it just made him angry. “Satan, let go of me dammit! What the fuck is wrong with-” Just like that, he slapped me and threw me across the room. My back hit the wall and I heard a nasty crack.

“Satan, what the hell dude! You weren’t supposed to actually hurt her!” Beel said. Satan laughed, he sounded so sinister. “What, brother? Do you really think anyone actually cares about this low life human?” He spat. I could feel the tears rolling down my face. Satan walked up, grabbed my cheeks and started squeezing. He pulled my face right up to his and he whispered “You have never meant anything to us. Did you really think we’d want to be around a stupid human like you? Now that Diavolo has brought a new and better exchange student, not even Diavolo will care what happens to you.” He let go of my face, then kicked me in the stomach. I started coughing up blood, but no help from anyone. Soon, everything started to go black.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A/N: I'm working on part 2. Please let me know what you think!

Love you <3

[tooth-and-flesh]

𝐋𝐈𝐂𝐎𝐑𝐈𝐂𝐄 𝐂𝐎𝐎𝐊𝐈𝐄 𝐱 𝐑𝐄𝐀𝐃𝐄𝐑🍒 [smut]

(𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒓𝒆𝒂𝒅𝒆𝒓 𝒊𝒏 𝒕𝒉𝒊𝒔 𝒔𝒕𝒐𝒓𝒚 𝒘𝒊𝒍𝒍 𝒉𝒂𝒗𝒆 𝒇𝒆𝒎𝒂𝒍𝒆 𝒈𝒆𝒏𝒆𝒕𝒂𝒍𝒊𝒂, 𝒃𝒖𝒕 𝒘𝒊𝒍𝒍 𝒔𝒕𝒊𝒍𝒍 𝒃𝒆 𝒈𝒆𝒏𝒅𝒆𝒓 𝒏𝒆𝒖𝒕𝒓𝒂𝒍 𝒊𝒏 𝒂𝒍𝒍 𝒐𝒕𝒉𝒆𝒓 𝒘𝒂𝒚𝒔. 𝑳𝒊𝒄𝒐𝒓𝒊𝒄𝒆 𝒄𝒐𝒐𝒌𝒊𝒆 𝒘𝒊𝒍𝒍 𝒂𝒍𝒔𝒐 𝒖𝒔𝒆 𝒉𝒆/𝒊𝒕 𝒑𝒓𝒐𝒏𝒐𝒖𝒏𝒔, 𝒂𝒏𝒅 𝒉𝒂𝒗𝒆 𝒎𝒂𝒏𝒚 𝒃𝒖𝒓𝒏 𝒔𝒄𝒂𝒓𝒔 𝒐𝒏 𝒉𝒊𝒎 𝒇𝒓𝒐𝒎 𝒎𝒂𝒈𝒊𝒄)

𝑨𝒏𝒚 𝒄𝒐𝒏𝒔𝒕𝒓𝒖𝒄𝒕𝒊𝒗𝒆 𝒄𝒓𝒊𝒕𝒊𝒄𝒊𝒔𝒎 𝒊𝒔 𝒂𝒑𝒑𝒓𝒆𝒄𝒊𝒂𝒕𝒆𝒅

[mc] was just finishing up cleaning from being in the hot tub outside their house, their hair wrapped in a towel with another towel covering them from the collarbones down. water dripped from their skin and hair as they stepped into the bedroom.

now, [mc] had finished up early today- usually they'd come back at around 10pm. but, tonight they had come back at 8pm, since they had suddenly remembered that they had work to finish for the book they were currently studying and writing an essay on to get a better understanding of the topics in the book they were about to write.

it took them a good second to comprehend the scene in front of them. Licorice had his dinky little phone open to a picture he had taken of the two of them- they had recently had a night to themselves of relaxing in the hot tub, and they actually had a really fun time-

but, here it was, drooling over the photo as he mindlessly pleasured himself. his visible eye was droopy as he squished his thighs together, his dick twitching in his hand as he felt himself nearing his release.

suddenly, he paused and looked over to [mc], making direct eye contact with them before his hands flew away from his dick, ripping the sheets and comforter over his lap as he slapped his phone off of the bed, screeching a bit and retracting his head back into his cloak. he was completely naked other than the cloak, having been too lazy to take it off-

and oh, was that a treat to be greeted with. [mc] just watched him for a few moments, crossing their arms over their chest as they waited for him to control himself.

he finally peeked out from under the shield of his dreads, his visible eyebrow upturned in worry as he tried to read your face and figure out if they hated him now.

he was surprised to see that they were already crawling onto the bed, letting the towel drop from their hair as they rested their hand on the comforter.

Licorice stared in disbelief as they started to gently squeeze at that spot, his body feeling like it was on fire. does [mc] really want to touch him like that? they aren't disgusted with him??

a million thoughts ran through his head at once, feeling far away from the situation as they tugged down the comforter and sheets. his cock slowly lifted, fully hard still, with precum leaking from the slit on the head of his dick.

Licorice gripped at the sheets on either side of him tightly, completely malfunctioning as they slowly and softly traced their index finger over a prominent vain on the underside of his cock, making it twitch a bit.

he let out a loud gasp as he felt [mc] wrap their lips around the head of his cock, immediately hallowing out their cheeks as they sucked up all of the precum from him.

his left hand shakily moved to entangle itself in their hair, his legs spreading apart and shaking as they started to deepen the rapid sucking of his cock.

some drool leaked from their mouth, slowly dripping down his dick as they pushed their head down until it reached his pubes. its hips bucked instinctively as [mc] choked around it.

obviously, his dick wasn't that big, but it was still enough to start to feel the tip slip down their throat slightly.

[mc] was absolutely soaking wet at this point, and definitely not from the hot tub.

Licorice was drowning in pleasure, its head thrown back and the scars on its neck and torso clearly exposed as it shakily lifted its legs over their shoulders, its toes curling.

"[m-mc]!~" he squealed out, his lips parting to allow his mouth to open in a silent moan, starting to grip at their hair a bit more.

"i c-can't.. hhhold it~.." he whimpered down to them, drool dripping down his chin as he watched tears form in the corners of [mc]'s eyes, constantly slamming their lips all the way down to his balls and pounding the tip of his cock down their throat repeatedly.

"cu-aaH~! c-cumming! [mc] i-i'm cumminG!~" he cried out, pressing both palms to the back of their head as his legs lifted into the air, his toes curling and his legs shaking as cum spurted from his cock into the back of [mc]'s throat.

they choked down all of his cum, finding he was cumming a lot just from a bit of head.

[mc] slowly lifted up, wiping their mouth and pushing Licorice's legs back until he was pressed onto his back with his knees almost touching the mattress on either side of his head, his body feeling fuzzy from that intense orgasm.

"do you want to be in or out?~" [mc] purred, reaching down to rub their thumb over Licorice's chest firmly.

oh lord, is this really happening?

Licorice stuttered slightly. nothing like this has ever happened before, especially not with his biggest villain crush ever. but, because of that, he didn't feel he was completely ready.

"o-out.. is good.." he panted out, throwing his head back and squealing as he felt [mc]'s wet pussy slide against the underside of his cock.

they bit their lip as they slid his dick up and down the slit of their pussy, the tip sliding in a bit on accident from how wet they were.

Licorice took a moment to glance up at them, and was extremely happy it had looked up at that exact moment.

[mc]'s towel slowly slipped from their body, uncovering their breasts. they were teasing their own nipples between their right hand's index finger and middle finger, panting softly while rubbing their clit slowly against his dick.

he started to drool even more, feeling his own heartbeat in his dick as his eyes trailed down to your soaking clit. the wetness made it extremely easy to slide around, and some of it was dripping down your thighs.

Licorice was extremely proud to have made someone so attractive get so worked up over him, letting his legs spread so he was almost in the shape of a V.

"y-yes~ mph~... please [mc]~.. rrub it against m-me~ just like that~.. sso wet~" he whispered to himself incoherently, his eyes droopy as his dreads fell away from his eyes.

[mc] snapped their hips forwards before bringing their hand away from their tit, moving it down to place it on his chin gently.

"do you still want it out?.." they spoke quietly, tears forming in their own eyes from the overwhelming pressure building up. all they could think about was Licorice's soft, dripping dick sliding in and out of their pussy-

Licorice quickly shook its head, letting a pitiful moan escape its lips.

"n-no.. please.. i c-changed my mind- i want you.. i want you now.. please.."

that was all the convincing it took for [mc] to promptly reach down and grab his dick, giving it a slight squeeze before pushing themself down onto it.

Licorice squealed and tried to hide his face in the pillow under his head, shaking his head back and forth as he let out a loud moan.

"p-please! fffuHh~" he whimpered, his hips bucking. [mc] suddenly let out a lewd moan, spreading their legs.

"L-Licorice~ aHn~" they breathed out in a whine-y tone.

they instantly began to bounce themself up and down, letting out a lewd cry every time Licorice's cock pounded up into them.

"[m-mc]... w-wait.. i.. i'm g-gonna.. i'm gonna cum again.." he whispered breathlessly, looking up at them with pleading eyes. he had only lasted a few moments but- this overwhelming pressure was too much for him. his dick twitched inside of [mc], begging for a release.

[mc] promptly lifted themself off, giving Licorice a quick kiss before turning around.

only until they rested their clit against Licorice's lips did he actually understand what they were doing.

Licorice promptly began to lap at their wet pussy, making quiet slurping noises and sucking on every part his lips could touch.

they grinded down against his tongue as they felt it slip inside of them, starting to jack them off with a firm grip. he moaned up into their clit, sending vibrations through their body that made [mc] moan out Licorice's name.

the man below them look this as a sign he was doing good and swirled his tongue around inside of them, sucking and lapping at the wetness coating the inside of their pussy before moving further up your pussy to suck on your clit, shakily reaching his hands up to use his thumbs and spread the lips of [mc]'s pussy.

he firmly moved his tongue up and down, making their legs shake in pleasure and their hands freeze for a moment.

"L-Lic-ah~ pllease~.. your.. your tongue.." [mc] whispered, leaning down to suck the precum from Licorice's twitching dick.

Licorice bit his lip a bit before putting his whole mouth over their dripping clit, moving his jaw in a gentle eating motion as he flicked his tongue up and down.

he let out a loud moan against their clit as he felt them release into his mouth, his hips bucking up as he came once more into [mc]'s mouth.

after a long while of panting and whimpering, [mc] finally turned around to look at Licorice.

his eyes were a bit clouded over from how tired he was, panting like his life depended on it with his face covered in the wetness of [mc]'s clit.

[mc] reached up to put their thumb on his chin, slowly pulling his face closer before giving him a soft kiss on the forehead.

Licorice closed his eyes and squirmed closer to them, his legs feeling cottony from the intense orgasms.

"i.. i love you [mc].." he whispered into their ear, curling up and pressing himself against them.

[mc] nodded and gave him one last kiss on the forehead, fixing any tangle in its dreads from whipping its head around so much.

"i love you too, Lico.. get some rest now, lovely.." they mumbled, moving the hair from his face as he promptly shoved his face between their boobs, humming quietly to himself.

[mc] snorted before letting him relax there, only falling asleep after Licorice had done the same.