#i actually dont know how to write any HP characters

[jaythes1mp]

hii jay !! i dont know if you have noticed my absence for more than a month but i just wish to say happy (advanced) bday to you! tho you want to get it off ur mind, so instead i just want to say how big of a milestone you have reached when i first saw your writing and on god you have produced so many well-written works in such a short span and that's honestly amazing.

you've been one of my first few supporters when i first wrote yan! dc content but you've proven time and time again how much support can affect one person (you alongside many others are a big inspiration for many including me!)

and ive had a fair share of reading your writing (including the one with theodore nott in hp which is one of my favorites) and let me tell you, you write very well! i love the details and descriptions you give for each and every character and how well grounded you turn the setting to be!

oh, and! i read the first part of "here, kitty" and i seriously feel inspired to write something inspired about it tho it's up to you if u wish to hear ideas or not. anyways, this is becoming a very long ramble but i hope ur having a swell day over there in australia and the heat isnt as bad as over here in the Philippines!! ^^

and lastly, this is a reminder to take a break some times if you ever feel overwhelmed and to drink lots of water and to take careee !!

Guys— GUYS! @acid-ixx likes my work!!!!!💚💚💚💚💚💚

Much obliged for the birthday msg🦖

Ong Yael, you and klemen-tine (not @ incase they aren’t comfortable with @‘s) were the reason I started writing again in the first place, I fucking love your work sm you got no idea💚

Honestly dude, you could take a year off and I’d still wait to read all of your work.

Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh I actually hate my Theo work, let’s pretend it never existed🦖🦖 though I am really glad that you enjoyed it💚💚

Pookiebear, I’ll hear any and every idea that you come up with, especially if it’s inspired by one of my works. PLEASE rabble for as long as you want🙏

My day has been alright so far, it’s actually winter over here in Aus, so I haven’t had to deal with the heat. Hope you’re doing okay over there though, I know how shitty summer gets over here and would hate if it’s the same there.

Thank you so much for the messages! I’m really happy that you, along with all of my other readers enjoy my work, I swear it’s so amazing, I really appreciate it

AND FINALY:: b day present????🫢🫢😍💚💚

If I could request, then could I hear some ideas that you had based on my work?💚 or even a scenario, anything is epic💚💚

Would actually make my day💚💚💚

[nocturnal-phantoms-fandoms]

Fic Writer Questions

Tagged by @squintclover - thank you so much!! Loved your response!!

🍓 How did you get into writing fanfiction?

By loving the story so much I wanted to be in it, lol. My first few attempts at writing ff were with self-insert OCs, but that was in my native language and mostly unpublished. Im trying to recycle some of those ideas, but Im not sure how will it go.

As for fics written in english and without OCs - like everyone else, by reading other fics.

🍇How many fandoms have you written in?

If we count the first few attempts - I took a look at my docs and counted 7 fandoms. Some parts of those were published somewhere on the web but I genuinely forgot about their existence.

If we count fics published recently on tumblr/ao3 - only HP.

🍈 How many years have you been writing fanfiction?

Technically? A decade. But idk if that counts if it wasnt published and probably never will be and had self insert OCs.

I started writing my first fics in english after I got into that one fandom which was during the pandemic, so that would be around 3-4 years - but posting since… December 2023.

🍎 Do you read or write more fanfiction?

Definitely read.

🍌 What is one way you've improved as a writer?

Im not making the characters as OOC as before? I hope

🍑 Do you have any bad habits as a writer?

Trying to fit too many things into one project that do not fit bc they are too self indulgent or just bad writing bc require sacrificing either plot or characterization. Being too ambitious, having too much plot that needs too much effort to make it make sense, and will not pay off bc nobody will read it (bc idk if i will ever finish it. and if i do it will not be written in english).

🍍 What's the weirdest topic you researched for a writing project?

Just one? There are so many weird things Ive been researching or googling.

Did they have 3-in-1 shampoos in 1979. Language of flowers. What the ancient roman beds looked like. Names and their meanings. Ancient roman’s attitude towards (homo)sexuality. Phosphorus and phosphorescence (this was literally to check if this one sentence in canon is factually correct). Did ancient romans have pets. Different gems’ looks, usage and meanings. Ancient Roman dog names. Different astronomical events / discoveries in years 1975-1980 and in year 1957. Layout of certain types of houses.

🍉What's your favourite type of comment to receive on your work?

Any comment is a nice comment <3 tho I like to be let known the person felt something while reading bc its still so abstract and bizzare for me that it happens 😅

🍐What's the most fringe trope/topic you write about?

As you can see from the research question I have an ancient roman au wip. I was genuinely surprised there were only a few ancient roman aus in the marauders fandom.

This one published wip is about a surprise pregnancy that isnt immediately regarded as great news and celebrated (which i think isnt a common way of approaching the topic.) I also wanted to write sth about abortion and miscarriage but i dont know if I will get around to actually writing those.

And Im trying to recycle my old OC-focused long fic which also is deeply unpopular (i understand why but also i feel like im fighting in the trenches)

🥭What is the hardest type of story for you to write?

Thats about something. Has a deeper meaning and everyone in the comments talk about how deeply they were moved by it. Or how clever the plot was. Or how the deeply and insightfully the characters are analysed. Or how beautiful the language is. Or. Like. Is written and finished and publishable.

🍏What is the easiest type?

All I know is funny dialogue, self indulgent fluff and this one type of hurt/comfort that is also super self indulgent. Also putting all the effort into fitting in as many references / easter eggs as you can that i know nobody will notice.

🍑Where do you do your writing? What platform? When?

On my laptop, usually sitting at my desk, or on the balcony if the weather permits, whenever I feel like ignoring the things im supposed to be doing instead, I guess.

So far I’ve been using google docs but I’ll be probably moving on from them in the nearest future. For organizing ideas/wips and short fics I use Notion - its good for organizing but not that good as a writing program.

🍋What is something you've been too nervous/ intimidated to write, but would love to write one day?

Smut, lol. Also more taboo topics like abortion and miscarriage mentioned above.

🍇What made you choose your username?

I translated my first ever username to English. ok, no, my first ever username was Leila Moonlight and i still think its pretty but now i also think its cringe. Tho I was - what? - 11? 12? So maybe I can be forgiven that it looks like a HP character. Nocturnal Phantom - the username actually use now - is still a bit cringe, I picked it bc I was a night owl (lol) and tried to lean into this nighttime-spooky aesthetic, but also its tumblr so im embracing it. I recently picked a nickname Nyx for my mutuals' convenience - and that is the greek goddess of the night. I commit to the bit.

No pressure tagging: @polaroidcats, @hiddenmoonbeam, @soloorganaas

[glove23]

20 Questions for Fic Writers

I WAS TAGGED BY @nooowestayandgetcaught THANK U ILY

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

- 158

2. What’s your total AO3 word count?

- 325,837

3. What fandoms do you write for?

- any and all that I know/like!! I have the most fics in kinnporsche, hp, and grishaverse, but I write for a lot of different fandoms

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

- Meeting Your Maker (Literally)

Harry Potter, Time Travel AU, 64,543 words

- a colorful past

The Batman (2021), Jim Gordon/Bruce Wayne, 688 words

- Your Makers Meet (Figuratively)

Harry Potter, sequel to MYML, 30,726 words, incomplete

- I'm not leaving your side

Love in the Air (2022), Whump, 1,307 words

-no body, no crime

Kinnporsche: The Series (2022), MURDER, kinn kills vegas, 943 words

5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

yeah! I try to at least, I have a huge backlog to get through whoops. I started writing in the era of ffn where like half the experience was talking back and forth in the reviews and then pm-ing and that's how I made a lot of friends that I still have today. and without that kind of comment culture and the author replying to messages, I might not have ever started writing.

someone replied to my review very kindly and asked why I didn't have any fic, my ideas were awesome (hair flip) and that made me realize oh. I don't have to Just read, I can also write the stories

and the rest is history

but fostering that kind of community, just talking to people who love the things you love, is such a fun part of the fandom experience for me and so I'll always reply to comments (eventually. I'll always get there eventually.)

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

KDHAJCHSJXJSJZ I DONT KNOW HOW TO TELL YOU THAT I HAVE A WHOLE SERIES WHERE I JUST KILL PEOPLE AND WATCH THEIR FRIENDS GRIEVE

but that being said, the answer is

into the wind (Love in the Air (2022), prapaisky, MCD/suicide

7. What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

uhh. this one I don't actually know but imma say

love me there (His Dark Materials, lyrawill, fix-it, lyra finds will again after the events of s3)

8. Do you get hate on fics?

yeah, sometimes! 👍 don't do that

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

sometimes. not very often, it's usually M-rated if I do, but just. yeah. I don't know how to answer this

10. Do you write crossovers? What’s the craziest one you’ve written?

nope!

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

yep!

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

nope!

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

yes, many times! back in my OG ffn days, and then a few times with @nooowestayandgetcaught

14. What’s your all time favourite ship?

I'm gonna say percabeth but I don't think there Is a real answer to this question, bc I love so many of my ships So Hard that just thinking about them makes me cry

15. What’s a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

......I will finish every wip leave me alone (I WILL FINISH YMMF I PROMISE) work in PROGRESS and the progress may be slow but it's PROGRESS

16. What are your writing strengths?

dialogue I am so fucking good at dialogue, and character interaction. definitely my strengths

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

descriptions. I am too lazy to do them all out the way I want to and so I just kinda. skate by

except in guess I misjudged you (gods I loved you) that one is PACKED bc I spent 9 months on it so

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic?

mmm unless I know someone I can talk to and get accurate translations, I don't really do this bc I am so afraid of conjugating wrong and google translate is SHIT. but when I do I try my best

19. First fandom you wrote for?

Percy Jackson! in 2012 on ffn on an account that still exists but I will not give u the name of. 🥰🥰

20. Favourite fic you’ve written?

as of rn (October 2023) it's

guess I misjudged you (gods i loved you)

Percy Jackson, Royalty AU, Arranged Marriage AU, 56,438 words

it is my BABY and I think one of the best things I've written tbh

#2 would be

if you don't like it (lie)

KinnPorsche, kimchay, MCD, 3,516 words

it's just so delightfully painful and it's the one I show to everyone I show kp bc I'm obsessed with it

ANYWAYS THATS ALL THANK YOU!!!! if you wanna do this feel free to say I tagged you 💞

@seaweedbraens @perseannabeth @karin848 @waitingondaisies (y'all don't have to do this. but ✨✨)

[mauveberries]

You do realize Harry fought actual adult death eaters who were mostly pure bloods and won? Oh no, wait now you are going to blame the book being children's even tho you spend all your time talking about the said book nvm what's funny to me is that you are out here acting Voldemort was actually given any depth in canon. He was literally written as an one dimensional villain with sad past and now wants to take over the world. WOW SO MUCH DEPTH. Absolutely not generic. There is a reason why Draco has more fans; even though Voldemort is the main villain. He. Wasn't. Developed. If it wasn't Harry Potter, Voldemort would barely have any rep. Hell, even before 2020 Voldemort barely had any fics dedicated to him. He used to be really niche. He was an one dimensional character and saying he would react to this situation like this because I know more is weird because dude has barely any lines. Also, pure bloods canonically aren't really much. So it's obvious Harry is going to win, especially in a time travel au after he fought a war. But okay you do you. Just you thinking JKR didn't fumble hard trying to write a good villain with Voldemort is funny. Just because you project onto Voldemort, doesn't automatically makes him a genius villain who never tripped. All the "great" things we know about Voldemort is through the narrator/Dumbledore dictation. We don't see Voldemort ACTUALLY living up to the hype. Maybe go reread the books, instead of fanfics about pro pure blood shtick. Bro, in the books all Walburga did was scream like a lunatic and that was her character. That's it. Your hate for Molly Weasley was funny too. You hate someone who's trying her best to help everyone with actual human flaws that is actually well written but somehow like Walburga black who's one personality is. just screaming dirty blood? Like holy fuck molly has flaws that makes me really less fond of her but at the very least her whole personality is not just shrieking and advocating death to a group of people because their blood is dirty. I feel like you read too much fanfics.

harry only won because voldemort instructed them specifically not to kill him. also, im not talking about survival fighting, im talking about formal duels. in a formal duel, harry would lose to them.

i never said voldemort wasn't one-dimensional you illiterate fuck. and i still talk about hp even though it's a childrens book because i like it.

voldemort obviously isn't a good villian because harry won in the end lmao. i never said he was.

you say i make up stuff as if tomarry isn't utter fanon. like.. yeah, no shit i make stuff up. so do you. but the stuff i make up aligns to how i think canon voldy would be, unlike you who insists harry is suuuper duuper powerful 🙄. you do you though. just... not in my askbox, yeah?

yeah, walburga was a bitch. i still like her though. the fictional characters i like has no bearing on what i accept in real life, or else i would not be a voldy fan account 💀

i dont like molly because she annoys me. being pureblood isnt real, but being annoying is. cope.

[tonkysexist]

Hi! I dont suppose you know of any masterposts or even like, slide/presentation things idk, with sited sources and references about everything JKR has done, specially for the funding and prompting anti-trans legislature and other shit like that beyond "just stating her opinion"? (like that somehow doesn't excuse someone using their platform to actively advocate for antitrans shit and more???), bonus points if it points out/includes all the shitty racist and antisemtic themes in the HP works. im trying to make a point and thought surly someone has one around.

I don't know of any off the top of my head, but I linked a few articles in my earlier reblogs of my Hogwarts Legacy post, and I'd be happy to relink those (and others) here!

She is behind a "women-only" ("women" being the cisgender only variety in this context) rape crisis center in Edinburgh (article here), despite Rape Crisis Scotland's emphasis on the importance of gender-inclusive care. In fact, Edinburgh's Rape Crisis Center is facing many issues with anti-trans threats (transphobia tw for that article, and well, most of this post probably).

She also actively campaigned against a Scottish gender recognition bill to her Twitter platform of over 14 million.

JKR has also donated one million to fund a campaign against Scottish independence. My knowledge of this issue is pretty surface level, so if anyone would like to elaborate on that in the reblogs/replies, I would appreciate it!

As for the antisemitism. There's a lot there.

Forbes did a pretty concise write-up on the antisemitism in the original series. I actually agree that JKR probably didn't do that completely deliberately, but considering how much she looooooves to talk on Twitter, she has never actually confronted these issues directly. The Jewish issue remains unaddressed with her (except for her claiming there is a Jewish wizard in Hogwarts “Anthony Goldstein” which doesn't really help her case here). Which leads us to Hogwarts Legacy, post controversy and post refusal to comment.

The game's premise relies on the (previously established as a Jewish caricature) goblin race kidnapping a child to use in an ancient dark ritual to take over the wizarding world. This plays into the blood libel trope and the "Jews are going to take over the world" (aka "New World Order") conspiracy. JKR and the creators of HL have no right to plead ignorance anymore. They have been corrected by many figures, both big and small.

This isn't even touching on the "Elves like being slaves because it's the natural order of things" or the trans character in Hogwarts Legacy who is called "Sirona Ryan" (apparently the devs went to the JKR school of totally not intentional naming).

It all adds up, and any way you want to look at it, buying Hogwarts Legacy or giving it clout by posting about it positively (yes-- those of you who flex pirating it I'm talking to you) is funding this continued shit from JKR and the HP franchise.

[ginoeh]

Shipper Tag Game

I was tagged by the lovely @tj-dragonblade , thank you!

What ship were you completely obsessed with as a teenager, but now you don’t care about anymore?

As a teenager... well, that was quite a while ago lol. I suppose that would have been Harry/Draco. First fandom, first queer pairing, first smut stories. I was such a sweet sweet summer child XD The early 00s were wild

Which ship would you consider your first one?

Soooo. Funny story. Way back when, I got into fanfiction via fanfiction.net. You know how their filter system is bad/non-existent? Yeah. Little me, on her first outing to ffnet, didn’t know how to operate the character settings. I clicked on the first story on the top of the first page of the HP section. It was a Snape/Hermione star-crossed lover deal. It flash-fried my brain, taught me content curation in a crash course and incidentially made me partial to the ship for quite a few years...

Your first fanfic was about which couple?

See above lol. I will never ever forget the experience. I tried to find that story later for downloading (like an ugly beloved keepsake ig lol) but never managed.

If you mean fanfic I've written: it was gen.

Do you remember the first couple you saw fan art of?

Kakashi/Obito

Have you ever gotten into ship discourse?

Nope. Scraped by a few times since I entered the tumblr bubble but managed to stay out of it. I don’t get the point. It's freaking fictional characters in fictional worlds. Go touch grass or something instead... (but you will make me fucking mad if you try to drag me into these things with wild ad hom accusations based on what i ship or dont ship)

Did you used to have a NOTP or have one currently?

No, not really. It's only ever preferences. There are some I dislike due to my own hc/inability to suspend my disbelief but I wouldn’t call them NOTPs. I just don’t read them.

Who were the last couple in the last fanfic you read?

Dreamling

Currently, do you have any OTPs?

I actually dislike the term OTP. It's a scale of preferences for me. There are few (read: none) fav characters that I can only see with one love interest (and anyway, sometimes i do prefer plot over love story. wild take i know) and the more time I spend in a fandom the more I diversify.

Is there any couple that, to this day, you are extremely mad about not getting into?

I don’t get this question, sorry. If I'm interested, I'll search it out. Even if the fandom is old. AO3 is an archive for exactly that reason.

Is there any ship you used to dislike but now you think they’re kind of interesting?

Not that I can think of, at the moment!

Do you have any ship that, in the past, would have been considered normal but now you would be cancelled over?

Probably? I'm not clear on what all one is getting cancelled over this week/month/year by which group of 'concerend bystanders'. I suppose I might get cancelled for the mentioned Hermione/Snape?

What is your favourite crack ship?

I'm so glad you asked. It's clearly Dream/Helm (thank you for that @writing-for-life ) Or Gollum/The One Ring (thanks go to Neil himself here). Or - actually, never mind lol.

What is the couple you read the most fanfics about?

At the moment it's Dreamling. But I cycle through fandoms/pairings periodically...(btw im looking for more Johanna/Death? If anyone could point me in the right direction?)

What do most of your ships have in common?

At least one character has a dark/unknown/violent/tragic past (they can be victim or perpetrator!!! I'm all for character development babey)

What do you absolutely hate in a ship?

I don’t hate ships? As I said above. Possibly the reduction on 'I can fix him/her' or 'my love will save him/her from depression/"the darkness"/etc.' but that is mostly a matter of the author's style of crafting characterization and plot and has nothing to do with the ship itself.

I'm tagging @bazzybelle , @seiya-starsniper , @writing-for-life if you want to or maybe just point me towards your post if you've done it already?

[adrienschat]

About Me Tagged

So, I’ve been tagged in a few posts by @summerfrwrks @lady-de-mon-coeur @sub-text & @rosie-b (ily guys thank you for being patient), and I decided to put them all together lmfaoo 

WIPs Post the names of all the files in your WIP folder regardless of how non-descriptive or ridiculous. Let people send you an ask with the title that most intrigues them, and then post a little snippet of it or tell them something about it.

Ongoing:

The Wall Between Us (miraculous fic)

Golden (3rd edit - mysterious demon comes to town, a girl confronts her grief)

Stitches (poetry book)

Winterville School for the Talented and Gifted (paranormal romance)

Random music & animations

Barely Seen the Light of Day:

I have it kinda planned out but my alt-marinette au lmfao

Strikes at Midnight (fantasy novel I’ll never finish, but it has like 100k words)

Open Caged Bird (Webtoon I started like a year ago...)

Shipping

three ships:

adrien/marinette (in ANY FORM)

....... Drarry (dont block me i know hp is problematic etc etc)

those silly gays from our flag means death

first ship:

Probably percabeth? 

last song:

Cannibal (Nathan Apollo)

last movie:

M3GAN (SOOOO FUNNY)

currently reading:

The Dark Prince (i’m on like page 30 because i’m a dumb slow reader)

my Python textbook

the picture of dorian grey

random fanfics i love

currently watching:

Orange is the new black

Barry

currently consuming:

right now i’m having a smoothie

water

wish i was having DIET COKE

currently craving:

DIET COKE! 

rules: list five things you never get tired of writing. it can be tropes, themes, characters, phrases, whatever brings you joy. then tag five people!

1. LESBIANS!!!!!!

2. BISEXUALS!!!!!!!!!!

3. slightly spooky

4. PINING! PINIING! PINING!!! 

5. Dramatic irony

About Me

1. Are you named after anyone?

I actually named myself! I was 7, getting adopted, and i hated my birth name so i switched it to Julia (not named after anyone)

2. When was the last time you cried?

Yesterday during my singing lesson (i’m sorry K, i hope you read this and know i’m sorry lmfao). I cry a lot

3. Do you have kids?

nooooooooooo but i love kids and i love my niece and nephews.  someday i’d like to be a mom! 

4. Do you use sarcasm a lot?

Yeah but tbh i think it’s more like a teasing sarcasm. i don’t like to make people think they’re stupid 

5. What’s the first thing you notice about people?

How they’re feeling in a situation

sense of humor

6. What’s your eye colour?

Dark blue! Some people have asked me if I have brown eyes but only in dimly lit rooms lol.  

7. Scary movies or happy endings?

Scary movies with happy endings my beloved. Finding love despite the horrors. etc etc 

8. Any special talents?

Projecting myself onto characters

i’m not good at most things i do, but i have a talent for doing what makes me happy

9. Where were you born?

Germany!

10. What are your hobbies?

Writing music, novels, fanfic, and poetry

singing

gym

guitar

languages <3 (I speak Spanish fluently, ASL & French pretty okay, and a bit of german)

video games

crafty stuff (i used to crochet and knit a lot)

sewing! 

11. Have you any pets?

two kitties hehe. they’re under my “thea” and “dorito” tags. thea’s legal name is cool ranch. 

12. What sports do you play/have played?

just gym, no sport 

but also i did do cross country back in high school 

13. How tall are you?

I’m 6′ lmfao. I love being tall, it calls forth the short lesbians (this is a message to short lesbians to talk to me)

14. Favorite subject in school?

i liked math, which is ironic since i’m an editor/writer for work

15. Dream job?

I’m getting a master’s in software development rn, so i reeeeally want to create beautiful video games. 

Who I’m Tagging

Don’t feel any pressure to answer all or any of the questions! Love you guys <3

@castles-in-the-eyre @keyboardnonsense @asukiess @lesbitorte @fantasybuff3186 @juliuli @fragileizy @everythingisubtext @dorkylovespepsi @chatdc @talkstoself @doksangs 

[darishima]

With the Mashle post, I agree with some parts that the show (at least the writing) is just.... not good at all. If you've read the manga... it doesn't really get better(? Kinda? As in, there is no development between any characters lmao, but more concepts for the world itself kinda gets added).

For me, what drew me in was the comedy of the first chapter before it got very repetitive with its jokes and humor because the world itself seemed fascinating to me. The idea of magic marks, markless people (what is basically eugenics), and then this one person who by all counts should be the least powerful among an entire population is fascinating.

The writing is just not it in the slightest.

Characters are very one dimensional (shown with Lemon being the worst of the main 5, Mash is right next to her). The only ones I saw with the slightest hint of development would be Finn towards the end of the series.

Like I said, many things that are just thrown out there and then left in the wind that could've been more deeply explored, the actual role of a Divine Visionary because (lowkey what does head of Talent even mean??? Is their most influential really just some kids who were the best of the year??? Why aren't there more of them??? How are they given their roles???)

I'm rambling so hard, but I think I'm honestly interested in how you saw the series (or at least the anime) since I'm trying to do more on its world in a personal rewrite project 😅

thank you so much, i'm so glad someone agrees!!

i'm gonna try to break why i don't like it into sections so this doesn't get too rambley

the stuff it steals i'm using "steal" pretty lightly here, taking inspiration from another work is fine and i dont even know for sure if the creator was familiar with these other properties, but still. i don't know if you're super familiar with one punch man, mob psycho 100, and harry potter, but mashle is basically if you took all of those, squished them together, and then made it bad. he's basically just saitama (mc of opm) mixed with mob's personality (mc of mp100) and dropped into harry potter. (and i know "a magical school setting" isn't unique to harry potter but the house system and that one broom scene are WAY too specific to not be explicitly taken from hp. if it was supposed to be a parody/satire of harry potter or western fantasy in general it could have worked, but rather than making any kind of commentary on that it just... stole it. but i digress.) "insanely overpowered anime protagonist" is a typical cliche and i often find annoying (if your mc is too powerful, there's not much evolution/development to be done) but the thing that made saitama's strength work in opm is that he doesn't LIKE his strength. if you're at the top, there's nowhere else to go. he feels unfulfilled and is constantly searching for an opponent as strong as/stronger than him, so he can finally have a real fight that doesn't end after a single punch. mash.... doesn't have that. he's strong, but nothing interesting is DONE with his strength. he just Is Strong, period. no commentary on how it makes him feel, no impact on his personality, nothing. there is a commentary that could be made (and is kind of made) about the world as a whole but i'll get to that later. basically, he's just saitama but without understanding why saitama works.

the characters the characters feel like they're created to fill archetypes rather than actually be people. they're all completely one-dimensional, as you said. i can't speak for finn's development because i haven't read the manga, but at least in the anime he's the same. lemon is definitely the worst, i agree, and mash is right next to her. abyss razor COULD have been interesting i guess but he was just a throwaway villain. dot is the stereotypical guy-obsessed-with-women because of course he is. lance is the attractive bad boy with a really creepy thing for his sister (because it's not a shonen without something deeply uncomfortable and unnecessary). the only character i liked was cell war but only because he looked cool. i don't think i've ever seen a more boring cast of characters tbh, they're just... Nothing.

cynical cash grab honestly a lot of what made me angry rather than disappointed about the show was that a lot of it seemed to be, like... designed specifically to be popular, if that makes sense. the world copying harry potter, the main character copying mob and saitama, two beloved shonen protagonists, the characters filling all the shonen archetypes, all of it just felt like it was made in a lab to be the most stereotypical easy to watch shonen anime. i don't know if that's actually true- maybe the creator is really passionate about it and loves it. but it felt like a soulless cash grab.

the potential this is what REALLY pissed me off. i've seen plenty of bad animes, and they're always fundamentally flawed. they have bad plots or bad settings and everything based off of that will be bad as well. it's not a problem with the execution, it's a problem with the basic concept. but mashle is not that. the idea of it is brilliant, and that's why i wanted to watch it in the first place. there's so many interesting angles to be taken- for example, mash mentions at the beginning that magic users have grown physically lazy and complacent, because they can achieve anything they want with magic. and that is SO INTERESTING !!! i've never considered the realistic consequences of magic like that before, and i was so excited to see that concept explored... and then it was never brought up again. mash's strength, like saitama's, could've had really interesting effects on his character.... never addressed! the eugenics aspect, like you mentioned, could've been really interesting, especially with the way it affects some magic users too (namely abyss razor and his evil eye or lance's sister), but nope, it's never fully touched on. rather than dismantle the system entirely and save all non-magic users, mash is content to work within the system to achieve freedom for only himself. rather than commit to any interesting commentary or fascinating angle, the story is content to ignore all those things completely. there is endless potential, and it's all wasted.

the comedy there isn't any. it's not funny. the slapstick comedy of mash breaking everything at the beginning could have been funny but it's never used for anything besides doors (and also, is he never scared he'll accidentally hurt someone? has he ever hurt someone he loved? more cool strength-related character commentary that was never even touched on). the only part of the show i found funny is that one time he tried to cook but everything just ended up as a cream puff. i really liked that actually. all of the running cream puff gags i found funny but they aren't enough to carry the rest of the show's non existent jokes or the jokes that completely fall flat

the fight scenes not much to say here, which is the problem. the animation's decent but not outstanding and the fights are lame as hell. "strong magic user thinks he's badass and can kick mash's ass but mash just like, punches him a couple times. the end." they were cool to look at sometimes, but again, so many cool things could've been done with the magic and they refused to commit.

that's pretty much all of my points. usually i hate the term "shonenshit" because it's just used to discount actually good shonen like one piece or demon slayer but honestly i think mashle is the epitome of shonenshit. full of potential yet mid in every way, the most average and boring characters imaginable, zero impactful emotional beats, it just tastes like air. i cannot fathom how this anime has a 7.58 rating on MAL, it blows my mind. i'm not shitting on anyone who enjoys the show, i think if you turn your brain off (and haven't seen one punch man or mob psycho) it is, at the very least, popcorn entertainment, and i can understand why someone would like it, i just think it's poorly written and disappointing.

thank you so much for sending that ask and giving me a reason to rant all my thoughts, i've been waiting for an excuse to do it lmao. sorry it was so long </3

manga spoilers under the cut bc i have one more thing to mention.

AND APPARENTLY INNOCENT ZERO THE BIG BAD LEADER GUY IS MASH'S DAD ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME. i was spoiled on this completely accidentally, i just googled innocent zero to see what he looked like and saw that spoiler. and my god that is the most generic stupid boring ass twist they could POSSIBLY have done. and not only that, it ruins whatever good was left in mash's character.

mash is the "everyman" type of character. he's just a regular normal guy, he is nothing special, in fact he's literally the opposite of special. he's the complete opposite of a "chosen one," and that's why his character works (i'm saying "works" loosely because he's boring but ykwim). so to make him the son of the Big Bad turns him into the chosen one that he's not supposed to be. chosen one narratives do work, but only if done right, and his story from the beginning is not supposed to BE a chosen one narrative. but they throw all of that out the window for the sake of a cheap twist. keep in mind i havent read the manga so i dont know anything about the way it was revealed but i would bet money they didn't set it up or execute it in any kind of interesting or well-done way. i hope i'm wrong about that, but i doubt it.

[1eoness]

i loved hearing abt ur perspective on that matter 😭😭😭 not good with words but one thing i will say is most dead dove fics i see are from fandoms who preach abt problematic characters, its so rare to actually find any of them, like, this is just an example but everyone knows how famous hp is and ive read probably hundreds of fics (from ao3, which is kinda surprising since EVERYTHING is there, right?) and ive only ever come across one dead dove fic, which, again, i was startled bc i didnt even know what it meant so i think with warnings or none, it wont stop anyone from reading it. i guess i cant say anything abt how sa victims say its their own way to cope and it might be wrong to say this but i just think if a bad thing happened to me, why would i glorify it? and why would i ever want to influence people and make them think its normal and that they should want it too? its honestly just sad, especially, like u mentioned, when they say "a fictional character has no feelings" but theyre making leon an object of their sick fantasies, it sucks when all we get from them is "just block", followed by getting mocked, its just sad to see bc i feel like, how fucked up do you have to be to treat others like that? sure, maybe they have mental illnesses, but its like, theyre using it to justify their wrongdoings instead of actually trying to get better

anw... i dont know u much and i havent kept up with ur fics and stuff but i got to say i have a lot of respect for u and am looking forward to more of your works! or if not, i wanna say i admire u as a person 🫡

tw: mentions of dead dove, PTSD, mental stress disorders, trauma regarding SA. i understand! and thank you but you really don't have to praise me for saying this <3

i won't go on a whole ramble trying to deeply psychoanalyze these kinds of writers but to (attempt) to sum it up shortly: PTSD, and a lot of other kinds of stress disorders tend to corrupt you throughout your growth; it forces you into a kind of regression and when you're unable to get help for multiple kinds of reasons, you tend to turn to the internet because well, it's just a click away. when you feel like your only strength is your writing you will tend to "weaponize" it (but not really per se), then the result becomes... that.

it's i guess, what people commonly testify it as, "trying to regain control". which i don't doubt for one moment, i genuinely do think that people who write this kind of "fiction" are victims who desire a taste of control again. they wanna be able to twist their perceptions and perceive their trauma differently because they've been enslaved by it mentally. perspective matters here: what an expressed fantasy is to the viewer, may actually be a vent from the writer. [i cannot stress this enough. but if you're going to publicize this kind of stuff, you are still bound to public morality. so please stop ignoring the fact that dead dove content that pampers the concept of sexual assault is genuinely harmful. no one should ever write that in a way that perceives sexual assault as "desirable" and "a want".] otherwise, any kind of writer who glorifies and makes market-focused art out of sexual assault are sick and they know who they are, they just don't want to take accountability for it. i always think there's a better choice to be made.

[joelmmd]

kingdom hearts post again. finished kh2!

couldn't bring myself to keep going for 100% and do all of data organization 13. it took me like a day just to beat 2 of the bosses and i wasn't feeling like grinding the rest out after that and Especially wasn't looking forward to doing the same with lw. i'll probably come back to wrap all that up later, though.

i had a lot of fun with the game! one of my complaints with kh1 was that the combat was ~1 layer of depth away from being engaging for the whole 30 or so hours you'd be playing for, and kh2 has remedied it pretty well. forms are cool and add extra strategy when it comes to which one to use and when, keyblades coming with their own abilities makes it worth switching them around for reasons that aren't just "this has the highest strength/magic", and i feel like some of the abilities here are a lot more impactful than the first game's. the new mp system is weird but ultimately good, rewards players for not getting hit for a while and doesn't enable "fuck you" attacks by letting you stock up like 20 cures to make them not matter. not a fan of using cure Once meaning you can't use magic at all until it recharges but it is how it is.

enemy/boss design (gameplay-wise) is still not great. i'm starting to think this is always the case, and that you just don't see the cracks until the game starts demanding really good play from you. it's harder to get mad about some bullshit way you got hit if it only did like 1/5 of your health, but when it starts putting you at 1 hp you have to actually confront the move and realize "wow that's not ok".

the worlds were really good this time around. definitely appreciated how the game stopped caring so much about justifying why you're helping out the disney guy or riding a skateboard or doing a musical, they just let you do it. i didn't hear a thing about "Sora you aren't allowed to meddle in these worlds!!! Let's just get the keyhole and leave" and it was great.

standout mentions are the pirate world for the realistic ass ghouls & CJS's party member icon looking edited in, halloween town for having christmas town in it, lion king world for being the most egregiously "oc" yet (my lion oc is just a kid but he's super strong... he has spiky brown hair and dark fur and attacks with a Weapon instead of claws and stuff), and timeless river for just being great, it's probably my favorite. they all felt a bit short, though. probably a good thing for some of them, but i would've loved to have more to do after finishing them than just fighting mushrooms.

the story sucks dick. feels as bad as the first game's with way more steps to get there. organization 13 are fine antagonists but they're fighting for the spotlight with fucking Pete. and maleficent. pete really doesn't feel like the right character for "harbinger of darkness with plot to take over world". they end up doing jack dick anyways so i have to ask if they're only here to make sure the tone stays light and to keep the focus at least a little on disney.

i also don't like the whole "nobodies don't have feelings and don't exist and dont have hearts so they're basically nonpeople and it's ok that they're never happy" thing, it feels really weird compared to the rest of the game being generally optimistic and hopeful. especially with the game saying "darkness isn't bad and we need both it and light", feels like a step forward and then a step back in philosophy. waste of potential too! it's a lot harder to get invested in any future nobodies (assuming there are any) if you plain up say they don't have emotion or feelings.

i don't know if i'd say the writing's so bad, there were a few charming moments here and there that stuck with me and it was a lot less "No! The darkness... The light of the heart, Kingdom Hearts, the heartless the darkness... Kairi... Your light..." than the first game. part of it's definitely helped by the better voice acting across the board. there were for sure less moments where it got noticeably bad, and they actually bothered to bring in the whole winnie the pooh cast this time. sora's the big winner here, though, his performance here really elevated the character for me. or maybe he's just more interesting with the extra few years under his belt.

lightning round-prologue is neat in how it kind of prepares you for the real game but it's like 3 hours long, sora's new outfit & the form variations are pretty cool, reaction commands aren't as intrusive as i expected, limits are fun but i usually just healed instead, cure becoming an aoe is a change i like a lot, switching the target you're locked onto is bound to right trigger + flick right stick and it fucking sucks, being able to move the camera around while locked on is pretty great, and donald & goofy were a bit more capable this time around. still died a lot but they very rarely got on my nerves.

long, but i think i've said what i wanted to say. fun times. moving on to Dream Drop Distance now, which i've already got my hopes a bit lowered for from trying it out before. can't imagine it's gonna suck or anything though, as long as i can swing my funny keyblade as riku the game can only be so bad.

[amiechuchu]

Going anon for this

I know you dont really write for this character but can I request a short blurb for george weasley and y/n swapping clothes 😭 the thought of him, a 6’3” giant, wearing my 5’3” clothes sjdjfkf 😭😭😭😭

gotchu my beloved <3 i apologize for anything i say wrong. keep in mind that i haven't read/watched HP yet (please don't stone me to death) but here you go!

Prompt: George Weasley wearing y/n’s clothes.

"Hello, George," you greeted George, unamused, as he barged in unannounced at your quarters. Just when you thought you could read your novel in peace without any type of crazy today. Well, what is a peaceful day with any of the Weasley brothers?

"What brings you here today?" you asked, lifting your head from the novel you were reading to find George leaning by the door, panting. "Okay, let me rephrase my question. Who do you need to hide from today?"

“Explanation. Too long. Love. Need to borrow your clothes. Please,” George pleaded in between breaths. Beads of sweat started to run down his forehead. He must’ve ran a mile to get here.

“I... Okay, I’m not even going to ask,” you chuckled lightly. You sat up, leaving the comfort of your warm bed and made your way towards the wooden closet. “You know that you’re humongous compared to me, George,” you said as you eyed the variety of clothing pieces folded neatly in your closet, “I doubt anything would fit you.”

It was until your eyes caught a glimpse of a very oversized bright yellow sweater you owned along with a loose denim pinafore. Perfect.  “Actually, maybe these would,” you grabbed the articles of clothing and held them up for George to see, which elicited a small laugh from him.

“Is there nothing else? Not even very loose pajamas?”

“Are you really going to risk tearing any of the pants I own, George?”

“Oh well, beggars can’t be choosers, can’t they?”

He left his place by the door and made his way to you. You handed him the clothes and turned around, giving George a bit of privacy. A gesture that meant he could start changing. You grabbed a nearby book and began reading as to distract yourself from the sounds of belts unbuckling, zippers unzipping, and the occasional grunts from a 6′3 giant attempting to wear clothes that belonged to his 5′3 tall arm-rest.

“So, how do I look?” George asked as he gave you a gentle tap on your shoulders. You turned around to admire whatever what was in store for you: George Weasley, wearing your bright yellow sweater that looked like a crop top on him matched with your denim pinafore that barely covered the edges of his boxers. To top it all off, he was also shaking his hands and saying ‘ta-dah’ as if what he did right there was an artistic masterpiece. You burst into laughter at the crazy sight. George, on the other hand, pulled you beside him and grinned in return.

“So, why did you ask to borrow my clothes?” you asked, face still flushed from all the laughing.

“I lied. I didn’t do anything wrong. I just missed you, love, and wanted to hear you laugh,” he replied, his head resting on yours.

Who knew switching clothes would be so endearing?

[kohakhearts]

like that one meme but its “they dont know i used to be popular on hp tumblr” lmfao

[letteredlettered]

Do you have any complaints about HP canon, and if so, what are they? For example I know a lot of people really dont like that Draco didnt get a redemption arc, but your work seems to really thrive off of a close reading of canon Draco in a way I think a lot of fanfic just cant because hes like... a very bad person. Its made me wonder if you are very... canon positive? I guess? Or more positive than most, maybe.

I have too many complaints about HP canon to list in an ask, but I can try to list some of them. First I want to say that choosing to use canon to inform your fic has less to do with whether or not you like the canon and more to do with what you like or want from fanfic. If you don’t like that Draco wasn’t redeemed, you can write a fic that posits he is redeemed and so that canon doesn’t have to be dealt with. Or, you can write a fic that shows how he gets redeemed or deals with the fact of his redemption to show what canon could have been. I obviously prefer the latter style, though I respect anyone’s choice to write in the former style. I can’t say I always understand the former style, but I respect the fact that people want to do it and should if that’s what they want.

I will say that I’m not sure I’ve ever written a fic that’s fully canon compliant, and I can’t quite imagine wanting to. Most of my fics a response to canon--they’re about something that wasn’t in canon, that I wish was in canon; or they’re about something that wasn’t in canon, and I don’t want to be in canon, but I still want to be explored. I wish the MCU would actually deal with the responsibility of wielding outsized power of destruction, so I wrote MCU fics. I do not want Schitt’s Creek to deal with the darkness of David Rose’s trauma or past, but I was still interested in it, so I wrote darker SC fic. I love Star Trek TOS, but I want to see Kirk and Spock hook up, so I wrote TOS fic.

There are a few things where I like the canon just the way it is, so I don’t write fic for it. Rainbow Rowell’s Carry On series is just what I want. I don’t need to write fic.

Back to my complaints with HP canon, the major problem I had was a lot of set up without the follow-through I expected or desired. I discussed that in my tumblr posts about Ron and Ginny. The set up of the Harry Potter universe is rather black and white, which I appreciate--it’s easy to get invested; it’s easy to consume. You know who the good guys are right away, and there’s no more complication. LOTR is rather like that, and I love it. But then HP begins to deconstruct its premise--James Potter was good, but he wasn’t kind. Dumbledore was trying to stop Voldemort, but he wasn’t honest. Snape is a horrible person, but he’s trying to do the right thing. This is my favorite sort of story, the one that starts black and white--vampires are evil; the robots will kill us, and the Gems that didn’t rebel are the enemy. Then a vampire earns his soul, or you find out you’re a robot, or--well, actually I didn’t like where Stephen Universe really went with that, but you get the picture. The Harry Potter series began the process of turning its own premise inside out, but somewhere in Halfblood Prince, that got too hard, and things began to snap back to their original shape. Good is good, actually, and bad people will always be bad.

One example of this is the death of Voldemort. Harry is set up as a mirror to Voldemort. Their pasts are very similar. Harry even feels compassion for Voldemort. At several different points, Harry is faced with the fact that he has to kill Voldemort. But Harry never has to deal with killing Voldemort, or with making a decision to spare Voldemort. In the end, Voldemort causes his own end as a result of his own destructive tendencies. This makes me feel that the text is suggesting that Voldemort deserves death. The idea that anyone “deserves” death for bad things they’ve done is not something I believe in or ascribe to. But even if it is the argument the text wants to make--what was the point of showing us that Tom Riddle was lonely, hurt, feared, and probably mistreated? The point really appears to be to show that two boys can have the same background and one turns out good while the other turns out bad, because goodness is inherent to some people while evil is inherent to others. I find this conclusion abhorrent, but I feel the conclusion is ultimately borne out by plenty of other aspects of the HP books.

The other example is Draco’s lack of redemption. I do not think villains have to be redeemed. The world has proven that shitty people can remain shitty. I also appreciate stories that show us the humanity of shitty people. A story about someone who is faced with thier bad choices but continues to make bad choices because they’re too afraid to do otherwise can be a good story. But I guess with Draco, I felt like I saw enough of his inner turmoil to understand why his heart would change, but not a thorough explanation of why it wouldn’t. Combined with many other similar characterizations in HP canon, it just feels like more essentialism--bad people are bad, and that’s how it is. I don’t mean there’s no nuance--as I said, the series does begin to deconstruct its own premise; we even saw how the Trio could be shitty. But ultimately they make the right choices. The characters who make the wrong choices generally continue to make them, except for Snape and Dudley. My complaint with those two representing a change of heart is that we don’t get to see the actual painful process of what that looks like--Snape’s happens pre-canon and there is too little of Dudley to show what is going on in Dudley’s brain.

The last thing I absolutely hate about HP is a lot of the “bad” characters tend to be overweight or unappealing in appearance. It’s true that a lot of this might be Harry’s POV--maybe Snape actually is the sex god some fics make him out to be, and Harry just he’s greasy because he doesn’t like him, and maybe Harry doesn’t like a good hook nose (I do). Additionally, Lockhart is very pretty, and while I want to firmly stress that Draco is never describes as good-looking, he’s not really described as ugly, and I believe Narcissa is even described as beautiful. But the book isn’t written in close third-person Harry POV, and “pointy” isn’t very flattering. Unkind words and stereotypes are used throughout to highlight the badness or evil of almost all the characters we’re not “supposed to” like. The descriptions of the Dursleys in particular are upsetting.

In my opinion, the  above examples demonstrate a lack of compassion at the heart of the HP story. That’s what I’ve always hated about it and what always made me want to write about it. I want to write and say, “Look at this. This is fucked up. This is wrong.” Some people don’t read fic for that reason, and I think that’s fine. Plenty of those people really hate my fic, which is also fine. I know that many things in this world lack compassion, and I don’t spend years of my life writing fanfic about them. I think the reason I keep coming back is to me, the premise was unkind--which I was fine with, and then the text itself began to deconstruct itself--which I was overjoyed by. It made me fall in love with the series. But when the premise snapped back to an essentially black and white world, I felt betrayed.

In conclusion, I find HP at its very essence to be unkind. Ursula K Le Guin said it best when she said that it was “ethically rather mean-spirited.”

[lucaswarmhotchocolate]

I've been fucking around with the idea that in the hp universe wizards are just a very self centered society. Because they're isolated, they dont interact with muggles or creatures with any sort of respect, it makes sense that they wouldn't know about actual witches. Cuz like its bothered me that they describe wizards and witches as the same thing but they're just gendered terms for "magical folk" and the most fun explanation is that wizards have no idea abt actual witches. Like us witches who put our spells in jars and protect our bedrooms with rocks and crystals, and occasionally put blood wards on our property. And it just makes me think abt how it would be interesting for the wizards to interact with those actual witches, and for the witches to be vaguely irritated by wizarding society shunning them and deeming them "muggle" bc they're still magical! They just harness a different type of magic. And I have so many ideas and I'm already writing smth abt it involving trelawney and hermione bc they have so much potential as characters....yeah I read a fic a while back of slytherin harry and paganism and dark magic and it was amazing and the only not weird pagan representation in media I have seen and It has inspired me so much

[yeo-rims]

thanks!!! @melonatures for tagging me in 5 books i want to read this year, omg that’s hard

1. jonathan strange & mr norrell, basically piranesi was the most! amazing thing I've read last year, it made me think about my own loneliness, it helped me get thru a very difficult moment and i was so charmed by clarke’s writing i convinced myself to read her first novel, which is about wizards??? idk. i’m not much of a fantasy gal, but the pandemic made me read hp so anything can happen at this point. also, the book is almost 1k pages so it would be good if i did this before my semester at uni starts and my last year eats me alive or something.

2. the city we became, so i’m trying to be someone who reads more than just adults being sad (which is my go-to genre in everything tbh), and i bought this book last year after everyone said it was amazing. it’s urban fantasy??? there’s a character that is Paulo (São Paulo!! amazing) and idk it sounds fun and just different. Apparently, the cities are alive and they’re people and shit happens? Well. I’ll know once i read it.

3. ghosts, i can't possibly go thru my sally rooney era and not read about a sad 30yo woman dealing with her breakup, right? idk, it just feels like the type of book that is pretty much about nothing but sad white girl, which is honestly something i like to read when i want to think about my life and feel a bit better about >myself< lol. (the only reason i haven't read it so far is that i can't find a legal copy of it on scribd, and the kindle version is way too expensive and there’s a pt-pt kindle version but also... reading in pt-pt is weird).

4. before the coffee gets cold, it’s about sad people but they’re japanese and there’s a time-traveling element to it and it has like jdrama healing vibes, you know? i have it on scribd and i look at it every other day but the truth is i never know what i’m going to read. but this one i have friends that enjoyed and i should read any other japanese author that isn't murakami (nothing against him is just that ive only read his books so far lmao).

5. babel, it’s from poppy war’s author (a book i wont ever read but everyone loves) and it’s like dark academia but with diversity but it feels like it actually has something to say and i’m very intrigued by the plot. i’ll probably buy the eng. version once the book is out, and i’m very excited to read it. i confess i dont like the dark academia aesthetics (i dont like the concept of devoting ones life to an aesthetic, especially an elitist one... and also how like it seems those people failed to *get* what the secret history is all about) but ive read if we were villains past november and it wrecked me and i’m a sucker for stories about a group of deranged friends and crimes. and in this case it feels like the author has a lot to say, so, excited!

also cheating but i should read anything by a brazilian author just bc i dont think ive read anything written prior to 2000s last year and I love br literature, so i must read something. probably guimarães rosa. and i need to finish this book im reading about gays in the xix century. and i want to read more essays too, i’m reading some didion this week and i like it a lot. other than that i know i’ll be reading a lot of psychology-related stuff so in my free time i tend to read for fun, so fiction and poetry is what i love the most.

well, i talk too much but this was fun!! thank you <3i’m tagging: @rughydrangea @rain-hat @damn-salvatore @tinytrashqueen

[kraviolis]

i need to make a post abt this bcus 1) i dont want anyone to think im just ignoring kayvan and mark’s antiblackness & racism and 2) writing out my thoughts/feelings helps me to detangle them when theyre in a mess like this.

also please dont reblog this, it’s literally just my personal internal thoughts & feelings. this isnt an activism essay, im not arguing my opinions or trying to tell other people how to feel/act.

ive been trying very hard to process my thoughts/feelings & to carefully seperate actor from character in my head and like. i think im accidentally strangling my hyperfixation to death bcus im accidentally using my main coping skill which is “oh, im having emotions? well not anymore” and i dont know HOW to not do that!!!! that shit has killed my hyperfixations so quickly before and i dont want this one to die but i also dont want to just ignore the problem.

one might be able to tell but i’ve been focusing more on nadja & laszlo & guillermo than nandor & colin robinson and it was at first an entirely subconscious thing up until i thought “oh i should draw nandor from reference so i can get a better idea of his features” and then immediately dismissed it bcus then i’d have to look at kayvan’s face.

i didnt reblog the initial post about it because as important as it is to have visual evidence of kayvan’s antiblackness, if i as a white person could barely stomach seeing those pictures then i cant imagine how a black person would feel seeing them just randomly on their social media feed.

i cant even look at kayvan without seeing the picture of him in blackface. its fully affecting my ability to enjoy watching the show and i wish it wasnt but its just... so hard for me to cope in any other way than full disassociation and avoidance of the source of bad emotions. this is literally my trauma responses working against me again and i dont know how to make them stop.

it doesnt help that im dissociating half the time anyways. just makes it easier for me to turn off my emotions, but turning off my emotions is counter-productive!!!! i need to care about these things and feel anger/disgust/compassion/sympathy when i see racism or else im just going to end up even more complacent than i inherently am or worse. because its always so very easy for white people to let themselves be swept into participating in racism/antiblackness so we can reap the benefits.

i just need to find some way alternate way to cope that isnt anger (bcus i’ll burn out so fast) or full dissociation/avoidance. its killing me like actually bcus im deep in the avoidance mindset so if im feeling a negative emotion where the source of it is ME....... one can probably imagine my instinctual reactions to randomly remembering something embarrassing i did years ago. its not fun!!!

but i haven’t had a therapist in almost 2 years bcus i’m always fucking trapped in a cycle thats like “has problems, need to make appointment > must call on phone > gets intense anxiety about calling on phone > starts to avoid & ignore the source of anxiety including entire subject of why i must call on phone > forget about/normalize my problems > problems continue to get worse > need to make appointment > repeat.”

so like. if anyone has any links to articles or advice from their own therapists/psychiatrists to share with me about this kinda thing, i’d be forever grateful.

but even then it doesnt help with my current situation vis a vis kayvan and mark’s antiblackness. ive been able to consume/interact with stories & media made by racists before in a way that doesnt support them and doesnt ignore their racism but also is enjoyable. for example, i was hyperfixated on HP for months and half of the fun of that was being able to rip apart the really bad writing to expose the baked-in bigotry and then challenge myself to come up with better ideas.

but its very different with wwdits because while theres most definitely some bigotry which is bound to happen when you have a lot of different writers & also a shit ton of improv from the actors (not talking about the satire bcus its pretty obvious when theyre being satirical vs not), its not... to the same level. like fucking at all.

the show is great. it’s genuinely, actually progressive and funny and well-made and its so obvious every single person involved in it creatively has a great deal of passion for the show. there’s so much effort put into it to make sure any representations of minorities or oppressed groups are accurate and positive and not made into unoriginal & boring punch-down jokes while also still remaining a funny ass fucking show.

i guess my main issue is that the way this show is made makes it extremely difficult to separate character from actor. not just because they have the same faces/voices, but also just that they formed the characters around the actors themselves and the actors are encouraged to add onto their characters through improv and such. it wouldnt be the same show without those specific actors.

ive been talking to my mom about it and they suggested that i should watch other things kayvan has acted in just to help my brain separate nandor from him and tbh. that seems like a really good idea. maybe i could watch cruella finally, ive heard its not all that bad of a movie... hmmm....

thankfully mark has like no social media presence so its not all that hard to separate him from colin robinson. theyre two different people to me entirely.

i just hope when the fan pressure for accountability finally gets to kayvan that he doesnt double down again. like i really hope he’s privately realized how much harm he does and that he eventually publicly holds himself accountable.

sigh. yeah making this post was a good idea, i feel way better now that i have my thoughts written down instead of all jumbled together in my head.