#i HATE lighting AND BACKGROUNDS so this isn’t great quality but I have to force myself to try sometime

[spiralofants01]

Man I sure hope their yuri is toxicity free

[yesimwriting]

The Promise of Rain, blurb 2

The Promise of Rain (part 2?? technically) 

A/n I was not originally planning a second part for this but some people wanted it and this idea came to me and it works better with the context of ‘The Promise of Rain’ but it can technically be read as a stand alone :))

Anyways this might turn into a small series of kinda connected blurbs that are all kind of canon with each other but aren’t necessarily connected except for the reader’s background (the reader is a very sunshine-y person and knows Kaz bc she’s a runaway princess that he was hired to bring back home but she managed to convince him to let her work for him instead)

--

The night air had left me with a chill that made me want nothing more than to have my covers draped over me as I read. I’m normally more sociable after a job, especially after such a simple and safe ending, but a lot of tonight had left me wanting to be alone. 

Well, not truly alone. The company of my books is always welcomed, but tonight I can’t seem to find much comfort within the pages. After almost every paragraph, I find myself distracted by gusts of wind and thoughts of the heavy, silver clouds that seem to make up tonight. A part of me longs for the rain. I know it’s ridiculous to expect rain each time I desire some sense of comfort, but that doesn’t mean I don’t want it. Especially when the sky so clearly implies it. 

“This must be the fifth time I’ve come here and you’ve been reading.” Kaz’s sudden appearance is almost enough to shake away my lingering somberness. 

I roll my eyes slightly, turning my attention back to the page in front of me. “That observation is just a testament to how often you come in here.” 

His glare is half hearted, a look I’d find endearing if I was less annoyed. “Where else am I going to find a reminder that good people exist in Ketterdam?” 

I think he may have a sixth sense that warns him when I’m treading the line between being annoyed and displeased. Everytime I find myself mad at him in a way that makes me want to avoid him instead of yell at him, Kaz makes some ridiculously heart-melting comment. He steps further into the room. I don’t miss the way he eyes my stretched out legs. Ever since the conversation we had after he woke up after an injury, we’ve fallen into the unmentioned habit of silently inviting the other to stay by moving to make room for them. 

It had started the day after the conversation in which Kaz had admitted that he wanted me to stay with him. He had been sitting on the small couch while discussing the details of a job. Shortly after I walked in he made a point of shifting so that he was clearly on one side of the couch. I didn’t think much about sitting down, but Inej and Jesper exchanged a look. 

Now, though, I keep my legs stretched out on the bed. He eyes my position on the bed, something grim crossing his features. 

“It might rain tonight.” 

He knows me so damn well. I hate it. “I hope so.”

I turn my head, analyzing the way the world seems to be on the cusp of something. I stare at the silver clouds until I feel something hard tap my leg. The tap is firm but not painful. I’m quick to look at Kaz as he lowers his cane. The mention of rain had been a distraction. 

“You distracted me on purpose.” 

“The first rule of the Barrel is to always be prepared.” There’s a slight uptilt to his lips, something I’ve learned to interpret as a sign of teasing. 

How is he so easy to be around one second and so cold the next? I resist a smile. “I’ll take notes.” 

Kaz ignores my passive aggressive tone. His focus seems to be on my legs that have still not moved to offer him a place next to me. “You wear your emotions too openly.” Great, he’s going to make us talk about it. “What reason could you possibly have to be mad at me?”

“I’m not mad at you.” It’s a partial truth. 

His expression harshens. “Don’t lie.” 

“I’m not thrilled with you, but I don’t think that’s the same as being mad.” 

Kaz lets out a partial sigh. “No, they’re not the same.” Such an early concession feels like a trap. “With you, the first option is worse.” I don’t have anything to say to that. “Is this because of what I said to Jesper?” 

My posture straightens on instinct. “He wants your validation more than he’d ever admit and I understand that expressing praise isn’t exactly something you do, but would it kill you to not actively insult him?” 

“I didn’t say anything that was wrong. He thinks he’s a gambler but he’s just someone born for losses.” The look I give him must mean something to him, because Kaz is quick to tact on, “That doesn’t make him less valuable of an asset or less relatively dependable.” 

I eye him cautiously, the slightest bit of vulnerability playing at his features. “Don’t look at me like that--and don’t tell me that. Jesper’s the one who could use the occasional reminder from you that you hold him to any regard with positive connotations.” His lips press together like he’s thinking about scolding me for scolding him. “It’s only because I know you care more about Jesper than you’d ever let on.” 

“Jesper’s esteem can handle the blow.” The curtness of his voice is a blow in its own sense. “And he didn’t exactly deserve to be in my good graces after what he did tonight.” 

My sigh is not weighted enough to match Kaz’s newfound fountain of emotion. “We were successful--”

“He left you.” I didn’t know Kaz’s voice was capable of such harshness. “I paired him with you, and he left you--and you almost didn’t make it.” I let the weight of his words take up all the available space in the room, keeping the silence that follows them until some of the heaviness has dissipated. “He could have cost me one of my best people.”

Oh. His harshness, his unwarranted coldness, had been a manifestation of his concern. For me. Guilt knots my stomach. Potential words that may offer Kaz some sort of support raise and die back down in my throat. Kaz turns towards the door. 

“Kaz.” He pauses. There’s a long moment in which I think he won’t turn around, but finally, he does. I tuck my legs beneath me, forcing myself to sit up a little straighter. “I told Jesper to leave because I knew the job would have failed if he had been trapped in that room with me.” I drop my gaze towards the window. “I was right, the job was successful, and I got out in time so it was worth it.”

“You risked your safety?” The harsh facet of his being is making its return in full force. 

“For the job,” I’m careful to keep my words factual, “It’s what we’re supposed to do.”

Kaz’s jaw locks. “When I said that keeping you near me would ruin you this is what I meant.” 

Is it really this big of a deal? I made it out. “Kaz.”

“This wasn’t my best idea.” His words are leached of anything. “You’re going back home. Tomorrow I’ll arrange the voyage myse--” 

“Kaz Brekker you may get to live your life doing anything you want but you don’t get to control mine.” My chin raises an inch, an instinctual act of subtle rebellion. “I am not going back there, even if I’m technically indebted to you because you didn’t return me to my father but that does not mean I’ll--”

“I’m not trying to control you.” His words are sharp, boarding on a yell. “A job like that one wasn’t worth you.” 

From Kaz, I know those words are heavy. There’s a lot of things I could say to that. I could tell him that I wanted to do something for him. I could say that I appreciate him telling me that. I could even say that in his own way, Kaz giving Jesper a hard time because he left me, is kind of cute in a misguided way. The thing is I think all of these responses will make things worse. 

“Kaz,” I keep my voice as steady as possible, “I’m fine, you’re fine, it all worked out.” Scratching the back of my arm, I exhale gently. “I’ll be more careful next time, I promise.” 

I watch him carefully, there’s a slight slump to his shoulders as he exhales. Is the fight leaving him so easily? He walks further into the room. “You better.” He sits down in the space I provided for him slowly. “If you’re not you’ll have worse things to worry about than anything that can happen to you on a job.” He moves his cane forward easily, tapping my knee in a swift motion. 

I roll my eyes at the mock threat. “They do say that there’s nothing to fear in the Barrel like the Dirtyhands.” 

“Remember that.” Any edge in his voice is forced. I fight against a smile that seems to always want to break across my face whenever I think I see something resembling lightness in Kaz. 

“I don’t think I could forget anything about you.” 

He turns his head slightly. “You should.” 

“Too bad.” 

Kaz leans his back against the wall, untensing slightly. “I think you just like disagreeing with me.” 

There’s no point in lying about it. “Only because when you argue with me you give me this really particular look.” 

“A look?” 

Adding insult to injury, I smile. “Sometimes you look like you’re too focused on being angry, like you’re compensating for something.” 

Kaz lets out a bitter sigh. “Maybe if you were less of a puppy I wouldn’t have to--”

The laugh that escapes is most definitely a mistake. “Did you just call me a puppy?” I don’t give him a chance to reply, laughter taking over again. “I mean this in the least argumentative way possible--but you’re so weird sometimes.” 

He rolls his eyes, tensing. “I’m leaving.”

I stifle the rest of my laughter. “No. I was--I was kidding!” I keep my eyes on Kaz, expecting some type of annoyed glare, but his expression is a lot more weighted than that. Odd. “Kaz?” 

“You need to be more careful.” I understand Kaz’s pause as something he does before saying something outside of his nature. “I’m not asking you this as a Crow or a Dreg.” 

On instinct, my posture straightens. “I promised and I meant it.” 

“Sometimes I wish I could believe in Saints,” his voice has taken off a distant quality, almost fragile, “That way I could believe something existed to help what matters.” 

Oh. “You never fail, even if I didn’t believe in Saints I’d believe in you.” 

“You’re wasting your faith.” The sound of lightning cracking is almost enough to make me jump. The rain finally came. 

I know I’ll never convince him that that’s not true. “I don’t think so, but that’s why it’s called faith.” 

“I have faith in some things.” His expression is far off. 

“Like what?” 

Kaz’s eyes find the window. “People that find meaning in the rain.” 

Something in my chest swells. “You’re like the rain.”

We sit there in silence, watching raindrops glide down the window. “What were you reading?” 

The question has me dropping my gaze to the forgotten book on my lap. “I stole this book from the palace before I left. It was my mom’s favorite, she’s read it so much the spine’s completely cracked and the cover is practically falling off.” 

“Hm…” He mumbles. “Read some, the books read in a palace must be worthwhile.” 

A part of me wants to tell him that elitism has no place in literature, but his request leaves me frozen. I nod once, turning to the first page of the book. “It is a truth universally acknowledged, that a single man in possession of a good fortune, must be in want of a wife--” 

“Your upbringing makes sense--” 

“You can’t judge it off the first sentence,” he’s insufferable, “It’s setting up irony, and if you’re going to complain--” 

He lets out a conceding sigh. “I’m listening, I’m not interrupting.” 

I keep my eyes on him for a second longer than I should. “Okay.” Dropping my gaze back to the book, I adjust my grip on the worn paperback, “Good.” 

And then I keep reading. 

--

@theincredibledeadlyviper @grishaverse7 @lonelystarship @mentally-in-northern-italy @uhanddreag 

[rivalsforlife]

Phoenix Wright: The Truth Reborn: Oh No We’re Doing This Again

hi.

Nearly two months ago, I wrote an essay summarizing and making very wild conclusions about the second Takarazuka Musical. I did this about two and a half years after watching the first Takarazuka musical. As such I did not have the full context for many things from the musical and was relying mostly on my memory, which blocked many things from this musical for my own safety. However, just this week, I decided to rewatch it, because I enjoy tormenting myself. I said I wouldn’t write anything on it. Here I am writing something on it.

Here’s the youtube thumbnail so that you know what you’re getting yourself into. And here, of course, is the link. This is the HD version which may be slightly more pleasant to watch. Maybe.

It was not quite as cringe in a funny way as the second musical to me, and therefore this essay may be less funny, but I feel like I’m doing a disservice to people by providing a summary of the second musical while completely neglecting the first. Quite possibly doing this is even more of a disservice. I just eagerly await the day that the third musical is translated because *that* will be the day that I finally shuffle off this mortal coil. Either way, I want to write this stuff down so that I never have to watch the musical again out of curiosity.

The following essay will contain major spoilers for both the first and second Phoenix Wright Takarazuka musicals, as I will be using many points from this musical to argue my thesis of the second musical. ... like you were going to watch them anyways. 

This one broke 8k. I’m dead inside.

Introducing The Director

Again another disclaimer that I don’t have anything against the actresses or the theatre troupe. I DO have something against Suzuki Kei, who I recently learned is the writer and director of all three of the Ace Attorney Takarazuka musicals, and is quite possibly my mortal nemesis.

This man is the one who brought this monstrosity into the world.

This man, allegedly, cleared the first four ace attorney games *seven times* before sitting down to write these musicals. He played these goddamn games seven times and did not take in a single word. The man clicked through them mindlessly while watching a badly written legal romance drama in the background and got them completely confused. I genuinely have no idea how this man could have played these games more times than even me and yet managed to get so many characters (MAYA!!!!) completely and utterly wrong. This haunts me every day, truly.

This man played Phoenix Wright: Ace Attorney, Phoenix Wright: Ace Attorney - Justice for All, Phoenix Wright: Ace Attorney - Trials and Tribulations, and Apollo Justice: Ace Attorney seven times. SEVEN TIMES EACH!! and was told to create a musical based on the series. He played these games seven times each and you know what he said?? You know what he said?? “This sucks, I’m getting rid of all of Phoenix’s backstory, butchering half the characters, and writing Phoenix/Lana fanfiction, but also rewriting all of Lana’s backstory so that she was Phoenix’s childhood friend, and you know what, I’m changing her name for good measure.”

I think this man played the games seven times each and then hated it so much and was so sick of it he tried to write something that destroyed as much of the series as possible while still being vaguely recognizable. And then somehow it became a massive hit because people like me see this and go “what the actual hell” and watch it, or people who haven’t played the games see this and go “wow what a great musical!” and then he wrote TWO MORE, destroying EVEN MORE every time in his wake, until finally, finally, he stopped after making Edgeworth straight and time traveling into the past to face off against a corrupt Gregory. I guess that was the last straw.

I have to issue a disclaimer here that for legal reasons this is a joke. I don’t actually hate this man and would not punch him in the face if I met him because that would be rude, and he is entitled to his wrong interpretation of the games. I don’t know what his thought process was. But allegedly he did play the games seven times according to the wiki. This whole essay here is satire and not slander and I don’t want to offend this guy if he somehow stumbles across my nonsense tumblr post. At the same time: Suzuki Kei blink twice if you need help.

Anyways half the reason that I’m making this essay is because I want to share my fake ao3 page for this musical. The other half will become apparent later.

Sorry if that’s illegible because of tumblr quality it’s not really important. All you really need to know is that it’s a fake ao3 screenshot for the musical. Also in the author’s note I said he played the games four times but it was actually seven I just remembered wrong because I didn’t want to believe it.

at this point you may be like “Grace shut up and get to the actual musical” and okay, fine, let’s start this nonsense. Also note that I may be referencing things from my essay on the second musical very frequently; I’m not going to force you to go read that though because the fact that you’re reading this is enough of a torment already.

The Musical Begins

Unlike the second musical, this one opens with some narration from Phoenix.

Transcript:

Phoenix: I’m reviewing a particular case at the moment. To me, this case... is one I’ll never forget.

Immediately I think this is important because it establishes that this whole musical takes place in a flashback that Phoenix is reflecting on. Why is this important? Because we know, by the time of the second musical which takes place three years later, Leona is dead.

Knowing that Leona is inherently doomed to die of her Sad Woman Disease paints this whole musical in a different light. It’s not Phoenix reflecting on how he got back together with his lover; it’s Phoenix dwelling on their past together, and the opportunities they had, before her life was so cruelly and inexplicably taken away. We don’t know if Phoenix’s reminiscing takes place before or after Leona’s death... but I wouldn’t be surprised if it was after.

Phoenix, still in the present, starts to sing. “A wave appears on the horizon like a mirage, it trembles, then vanishes. Your voice, carried upon the waves, fades upon the shore, erasing the splendor of the past.”

This line actually shows up in the second musical, sung by Lucia about her imprisoned fiance quite possibly. It’s kind of hard to tell what the meaning of these songs even are. They’re too abstract for me I think. But this line appears very frequently in the first musical when Phoenix is thinking about Leona.

Then we enter the flashback time.

Phoenix inexplicably yells at a newspaper saleswoman. This is not relevant to anything whatsoever. Then Larry barges in to the office, looking for Maya. Phoenix describes him as “A real trouble maker, but you just can’t hate the guy”, the latter part of which I think many people would disagree with. 

Well, afterwards, Maya comes in. Phoenix describes her like this while making exaggerated “can you believe this shit” gestures.

Transcript:

Phoenix: She’s as ditzy as they come. Oh, and about the outfit... Apparently she comes from a family of spirit mediums. Try not to make fun of her, okay?

Suzuki Kei personally has it out for Maya and I can never forgive him for it. Maya in these musicals is here for pure comedic relief but it’s not even comedic because I just get so angry. How can you play the trilogy seven times and think this about her?? The girl who figured out DL-6?? The girl who told Phoenix to sacrifice her life in order to find the truth?? The girl who put on a brave smile in order to try and cheer up her younger cousin even after she saw her own mother murdered right in front of her eyes?? That Maya Fey?? Ditzy as they come??????

Ugh. Moving on.

Maya and Larry run off, leaving Phoenix to watch the American Broadcast.

Important things to note here are the Godot mug, the little line up of what I think are the messed up little ace attorney figurines beneath the screen, and the fact that while this broadcast is supposedly from and to America the screen is actually not at all showing America. Like literally almost everywhere in the world except North and South America.

The broadcast says that Leona Clyde, age 24, was arrested for murdering the senator Robert Cole! Leona Clyde -- that’s Phoenix’s ex-girlfriend! He runs off to the detention center.

She is not happy to see him.

Leona: Mr. Wright... I’m not the woman you once knew.

Let’s Play A Matching Game

Sorry for the abundance of screenshots that are going to be throughout this section. Phoenix convinces Leona to let him defend her. Some of the conversation seems... familiar.

Leona: No one would defend someone who admits to killing a senator. I’m waiting for a court-appointed attorney.

Edgeworth: Every defense attorney I’ve talked to has turned me down.

Phoenix: In that case, let me defend you.

Game Phoenix: Let me defend you.

Leona: Don’t be ridiculous!

Edgeworth: Don’t be ridiculous.

Phoenix: I’ll never accept that you’re a murderer. Let me prove your innocence!

Game Phoenix: Huh? Isn’t it obvious? I’m going to prove that Miles Edgeworth is innocent.

Leona: I’ve already confessed my guilt.

Gumshoe: He confessed that he did it! In court!

Leona: It’s foolish to think you can win this case.

Edgeworth: My case is near hopeless, Wright.

Leona: (in response to phoenix offering to defend her) No you won’t! Don’t ever come here again.

Edgeworth: Look, just go away, and leave me alone!

Phoenix: You of all people should know. Once I decide to do something, I see it through to the end.

Edgeworth: Once you start on something, you always see it through, don’t you?

Leona: I never thought that you’d be representing me.

Phoenix: Ah, who could have guessed this day would come?

Edgeworth: Not me.

Phoenix: You believed in me. You saved me. And this time, I swear... I swear I’ll save you!

Game Phoenix: Edgeworth believed in me, and I believe in him. I’m the only one who knows the real Edgeworth. I’m the only one who can help him.

I could’ve done a few more, but tumblr is already threatening to murder my laptop.

So long story short, Phoenix manages to convince his lover to let him be the defense on the case. Then immediately after swearing to save Leona, he starts singing a song, which I’m not screencapping because this is enough:

“As long as there are people in this world, there’s only one path I will follow! As long as there is love in this world, there’s only one path I will believe in!”

Edgeworth sings this in the second musical after saying that he returned to California because of Phoenix. Phoenix sings it now after swearing to defend Leona. You draw your own conclusions.

And then we finally get the opening credits. Eleven minutes in.

Just Pretend This Is Narumitsu Fanfiction

Following the credits, we see a beautiful beach. Couples (exclusively heterosexual, of course,) dance and embrace in the background for some time, before revealing Phoenix and Leona, in the Even Further Past, before the LSATs or whatever the ace attorney universe’s excuse for law school exams are.

Phoenix establishes his absolute hatred of change, an important characterization moment.

Phoenix: The view here never changes, huh?

Phoenix reminisces on when they were kids. Leona’s parents were both lawyers (they’re both lawyers) and sometimes they would be like lawyers with her when she was a kid. This inspired her to also become a lawyer after their tragic death of Sickness. They never specify what the sickness is that caused two people who must be relatively young to die while Leona was in her early twenties at the latest. It may be whatever sickness claimed Leona’s life later. Sad Woman Disease. (Sad Man Disease for her father, I guess?)

Phoenix also talks about why he’s becoming a lawyer.

Phoenix: Watching you chase your dream inspired me to become a lawyer too.

So, it’s not “my childhood friend looked sad in a newspaper” because I guess that makes no sense or is too gay or something. But this is another important piece of Phoenix characterization. His entire life so far has been focused around Leona. They’ve been friends since they were kids, and then Phoenix decided to become a lawyer solely because Leona was becoming a lawyer. Not even to try and get back into contact with her after she moved away or anything; just because he’s so obsessed with her that he wants to have the same career as her, then they can run a Mom & Pop Law Firm or something, years in the future, after years of happy marriage and a few children or like whatever the hell.

Well, there’s a few steps they’ll need to get to that. At this point Phoenix still hasn’t confessed his feelings for Leona. He does so here, on this beach.

Leona tries to protest.

Leona: But I’m pushy, selfish, and only care about my goals... You’d get fed up with me.

Phoenix: That’s what I’ve always admired about you. That’s who I’ve been chasing all these years. That’s the only person... I love.

Sooo, Phoenix, your type is pushy selfish people who only care about their goals...? In the first, older lower-quality video translation it was “only care about my work”, too. Hm. Things to think about.

They sing a little duet together. Then we go back to present-day of what’s technically still a flashback. Whatever. Murder is happening.

Back To The Murder

So some plot things to establish: Leona is the legal counsel of Governor Miller, who is running for president in the AMERICAN PRESIDENTIAL ELECTION. After the flashback so that Phoenix has some time to change clothes, they show an interview of him talking about the murder.

Governor Miller: I vow to forge a peaceful country with my own two hands, and to prepare myself for whatever may lie ahead.

Reporters: Through thick and thin, he’s a friend of the people!

The Takarazuka musicals are not very good at hiding their killers.

Phoenix: Oh yeah... It’s almost time for the presidential election, isn’t it?

NEVER FORGET, WRIGHT. THIS IS AMERICA. LAND OF THE FREE! god what even was that line.

Anyways, we meet Gumshoe, who is incompetent once again. Maya runs around the crime scene, picks up the murder weapon, puts her fingerprints all over everything, moves things around, all while Phoenix is like “lol get a load of the world’s stupidest girl” or whatever. But who cares about that.

It’s time to get to the only valid part of this musical.

Edgeworth’s Gay Little Villain Solo

You may have seen this one before.

Edgeworth arrives, but not really. It’s like Phoenix heard Edgeworth was prosecuting and immediately entered a dream-like state, where Edgeworth is heralded by the sound of trumpets in Great Revival. He’s played by a different actress than in the other two musicals, since I think she retired in between the six or so months from this musical to the second. She still plays the role well, though, or as well as can be when you’re written in an ace attorney Takarazuka musical.

Shrouded in scarlet solitude... it’s Edgeworth.

Yes, those are six Edgeworths. Yes, they pick Phoenix up and carry him around and dance with him. Yes, it was probably not meant to be at all homoerotic.

He sings a song that’s called “My rule”. I only figured this out later, but it’s loosely based on a “catchphrase” of his in the Japanese version - in game 1 he says something along the lines of “All I can do is get every defendant declared guilty! So I make that my policy.” In DD in his dramatic anime introduction before the trial, he says “I intend to question the defendant with all I have. For that is a part of my creed.” “So I make that my policy” and “For that is a part of my creed”, to my understanding, are both translated from the same line, which I think is like, “sore ga watashi no ruru”, “That is my rule.” (If I’m wrong, please correct me.) In this song he sings about how he’ll reduce all criminals to ash and such, basically talks about his game 1 prosecuting strategy as “my rule”. 

It’s very fun and probably if you want to only watch one number of this musical, it can be this one. It starts about 26:10 in the video I linked.

Once the musical number is done, Phoenix and Edgeworth stare at each other, and the background fades into the courtroom, so court begins. I feel like I should note that Phoenix has not picked up any evidence or talked to any witnesses in this investigation except for Gumshoe, since Maya just moved some things around and then Phoenix had some weird fever dream about Edgeworth which presumably took up the rest of the day.

The Trial, Day 1

Edgeworth: Consider it a prelude to the poignant Greek tragedy that’s about to unfold.

Maya: The real tragedy’s your pompous attitude!

Those are the only screenshots I took of this trial day. Here’s a summary, though:

The trial starts off with Leona confessing, Phoenix says “no I think she’s innocent”, and since ace attorney doesn’t care about the defendant’s wishes he’s allowed to proceed. For some reason Leona lets him do this without complaint. 

Gumshoe is the first witness, he claims to have caught Leona red-handed at the scene of the crime, standing over the corpse. Phoenix tries to claim that since Gumshoe didn’t see Leona committing the crime, he didn’t actually catch her red-handed, to which Edgeworth responds “What do you think being caught red-handed means?” 

Once Gumshoe is dismissed, Lotta takes the stand. She has a photo of the actual moment of the crime, where Leona is holding a knife in the air in front of the victim. 

The Takarazuka musicals like to do this thing where the image is blurry and zoomed out, but then Phoenix will go “I’VE NOTICED A CONTRADICTION” and it zooms in really far as the resolution increases drastically in order to show you the contradiction that is impossible to spot for yourself, because they don’t want people figuring out the mystery in this musical based off of a video game where you have to solve the mystery yourself. Anyways Phoenix zooms in on this photo and sees that there’s blood on Leona’s hand, presumably before she stabbed the victim. How did it get there?

Edgeworth suggests the victim was stabbed multiple times. Phoenix says the autopsy report contradicts that. Edgeworth, uncharacteristically, does not update it to suit his argument. 

Phoenix concludes that this photo is not showing the moment Leona stabbed the victim, but the moment Leona removed the knife! ... Which somehow casts doubt on her having been the one to stab the victim. Because as everyone knows, anyone wanting to kill someone would never remove a knife, it’s not like they’d bleed out faster that way, or anything.

And this whole contradiction is confusing because presumably if the victim was stabbed and then the knife was removed, they’d know that happened, because then the knife would not be found stuck in the victim’s body, since the victim was only stabbed once. So this shouldn’t be news to the prosecution that someone removed the knife after stabbing. But the investigation was headed by the most incompetent version of Gumshoe ever, so. sure. I guess no one knew.

That at least manages to extend the trial another day.

This Totally Has To Be Illegal

After the trial, Phoenix goes to talk to Governor Miller, aka Mr. Totally The Real Killer. Phoenix asks him why he decided to hire Leona as his legal advisor.

Basically, it’s because her parents were both renowned lawyers. Her father was a Chief Prosecutor, and her mother was a defense attorney. ... a prosecutor and a defense attorney couple... who does that remind us of...

Phoenix points out that just because her parents were good lawyers, it doesn’t mean she’d necessarily be one. Miller says that, sure, but she is actually really talented, and her law school marks were spectacular. Phoenix says “WHY WERE YOU LOOKING AT HER LAW SCHOOL MARKS”, like it’s somehow? suspicious? for a government official hiring legal counsel to look at their law school marks?

Apparently it IS suspicious because Governor Miller freaks out and asks if this is an interrogation. Before Phoenix can press much further, he gets a phone call, and leaves Phoenix alone in a big room.

So naturally Phoenix behaves like a fully grown adult running a law firm.

If all he did was sit in the chair, lift up a desk lamp, and poke his finger on a pen, that’s one thing. But then he leans over, OPENS THE GOVERNOR’S DESK DRAWER, and finds a knife that’s just sitting there casually. It looks like a butter knife. It’s not anything major. Maybe the dude just wanted to butter his toast?

I mean I know Phoenix will dig around in stuff whenever in the games, but he has no reason to suspect Governor Miller at all, much less dig through his drawer probably full of confidential government documents to lift up a knife that he thinks is suspicious. It’s not even covered in blood or anything?

Naturally Governor Miller’s assistant comes in just then, and Phoenix puts the knife. in his breast pocket. 

bud. It may look like a butter knife, but putting knives up against your chest is not a great idea. Much less stealing a knife from a governor? 

Well, in his panic, he accidentally knocks over a bunch of books on the desk. The governor’s assistant helps him pick them up, and they find a photo. Look a little familiar?

The photo has the assistant, the victim Robert Cole, Governor Miller, and the victim’s brother who died in an incident two years ago. He’s the “Neil Marshall” of this musical, and he died in what was essentially the SL-9 incident. Same general premise, except it occurred in the courthouse, and the names are different.

AND FINALLY WE REACH THE END OF ACT 1. They do a musical number here which is a weird sort of mashup of the main opening credits song, Edgeworth’s Villain Solo, and the love duet between Phoenix and Leona. They are all such different songs that it sounds a little weird.

ACT 2, FINALLY

The act begins on a sour note with Maya playing with the knife and showing off her characterization, which is one of the most infuriating Maya characterizations you’ll sometimes see around the fandom by people who don’t like Maya.

Maya: Let me whip up my special spirit channeler hamburgers!

sigh.

But then we’re saved (?) by the arrival of EDGEWORTH, who is presumably just here to chat. He asks Phoenix if he’s defending Leona in hopes of winning her back, then says to keep out of it, since it’s a very important case and he can’t understand the gravity of it.

Then Phoenix says this.

Phoenix: Would you be saying that if you were the one on trial? The defendant is in a dark prison, reaching out for hope... Can you imagine the loneliness and sorrow of being ostracized?

CAN YOU IMAGINE IT, EDGEWORTH? CAN YOU IMAGINE IF YOU WERE ON TRIAL AND I WAS THE ONLY ONE WHO WOULD DEFEND YOU AND BELIEVED IN YOUR INNOCENCE??

Edgeworth responds to this by essentially rehashing his speech in Turnabout Sisters about how he needs to find all defendants guilty because he can’t guarantee their innocence and all that. Maya gets upset and leaves so that Phoenix and Edgeworth can talk about their childhood in private.

Phoenix once again complains about how people change since nine years old.

Phoenix then says that he has something Edgeworth doesn’t: the POWER TO BELIEVE! Then Maya comes in and tries to spike Edgeworth’s coffee, so he leaves.

The Class Trial

Phoenix explains a bit about Edgeworth and his backstory to Maya. Namely, the class trial. Phoenix was accused of stealing lunch money, Edgeworth stood up for him, but instead of Larry, Leona stood up for him. I guess Suzuki Kei thought “oh the class trial, if Leona stood up for him, it would be so romantic, because she’s a woman, and he’s a man”, or something like that. 

Edgeworth wanted to become a Great Lawyer Like His Father! But then he turned cold as ice.

Phoenix: His father got too deeply involved in a case... and paid for it with his life. Edgeworth saw him murdered. He was never the same again. I bet he couldn’t forgive the criminal.

Yeah I bet he couldn’t ever forgive the person he thought killed his father all these years, Phoenix. I bet he really hates that person, Phoenix. I bet he has nightmares about that person killing his father or something, Phoenix.

Phoenix: He vanished, then returned without his mercy or compassion. He had become a monster. When he lost his father, he also lost the ability to believe in others.

So like... one of the most chilling things about this musical is that they never actually solve DL-6. This probably roughly takes place 15 years after DL-6, since they were about the same age when the class trial started, and at least Leona is 24 now. The next musical takes place three years from now, and in it, Edgeworth refers to von Karma as his mentor, implying he’s still around and doing things.

So, in addition to everything else going wrong with this musical, DL-6 still happens, but von Karma never frames Edgeworth for it fifteen years later. The statute of limitations runs out, and von Karma forever gets away with his crime. And Edgeworth has no idea.

What changes did they make to DL-6, though, you may ask? I’m desperate to know as well. In the third musical, which I’ve watched because I hate myself but am unable to fully understand because I don’t know much Japanese, there is a scene where Miles flashbacks to DL-6. It’s abstract, but he makes gun-throwing motions at Gregory, followed by a gunshot sound.

Therefore, in this musical’s internal canon, either Miles Edgeworth shot his father, or he believes he did for the rest of his life.

... moving on.

Phoenix: But he still has his humanity. It’s still there, deep down inside!

At least, if nothing else, Phoenix still believes in him. Even this Takarazuka Musical couldn’t touch that.

The Feenie Sweater

Right after this, Larry barges in, and Phoenix leaves him alone with Maya. The musical tries teasing Larry/Maya, but fortunately, Maya’s having none of it.

Maya: You’re barking up the wrong tree.

Props to this musical for not being as bad as it could have been.

After this, the two sit down on the couch, and Maya asks for more gossip on Phoenix and Leona. Larry launches into a story, which turns into a flashback that ends up being narrated by Phoenix halfway through. This one’s about Phoenix and Leona’s relationship.

This is an interesting line in here, “I’ll guide you to the future”, for it loosely referencing the sort of love ballad Phoenix sings with Lucia in the second musical which is about “I’ll take you to that radiant future”, and he later sings to the memory of Leona right around the time of his big spiral into despair.

I’m sorry if you haven’t read my other essay and just said “wait what” to what I just typed.

Leona was getting ready to move to New York to defend the weak “in the big city”. This is rather strange wording because it implies that California does not in fact have a big city. She says some things in her conversation with Phoenix that probably plant some of his later issues.

Leona: This is the first time we’ll be apart since we were kids.

Leona: We promised we’d always be together.

Leona: I’ll be waiting. Waiting for you to come to me.

Haha. Sure would be a shame... if something were to happen... and they wouldn’t be able to be together anymore...

So some dancers wearing black come in and take off their outer jackets, to symbolize the passage of time. They circle around Phoenix and Leona. In this, you can just barely see, Phoenix is wearing a pink sweater beneath his jacket.

“Oh,” I think to myself, “Is that the Feenie sweater? Are they including it here as a reference to the games?”

Then the dancers keep moving.

THAT IS NOT THE FEENIE SWEATER. That is a pink sweater with a sexily drawn woman on it.

This is the other half of the reason why I decided to go through with making this essay. 

This is so incredibly funny to me. Suzuki Kei Who Has Played The Games Seven Times has seen the hand-knit bright pink sweater with a giant red heart on it seven times. The sweater Iris, Phoenix’s girlfriend, lovingly knit for him that he wears all the time even though it is one of the tackiest, cheesiest items of clothing to ever exist. And so, when the costume designers were designing the clothes for College Phoenix Wright, they asked themselves: “Should we include the Feenie sweater?”

and “NO,” someone must have shouted, “NO, we can NOT include the Feenie sweater, it is PINK and it has a HEART on it and it’s TOO GIRLY. Phoenix Wright is a MANLY MAN. He would not EVER wear something PINK with a HEART on it.”

“BUT,” someone else said, “it’s a REFERENCE to the original games, where he DID wear a pink sweater with a heart on it! We MUST include it to pander to the fans!”

“WAIT,” a third person interjected. “I have a BRILLIANT IDEA. We can keep the pink... But to make it VERY CLEAR he is a heterosexual, masculine male... we put a sexy woman on it.”

And Person Three Got A Raise.

Thank god we’re finally halfway done this musical.

We Just Have To Go On With Our Lives Now

There’s plot or something happening. Leona breaks up with Phoenix inexplicably over the phone. Probably because of that freaking sweater. Imagine wearing that. God.

Eventually we go back to Phoenix talking to Leona, and he asks about the Jack Lyon case, which is the rip-off version of the Joe Darke case. Leona is pretty cagey about it, but Phoenix proves that she was there in the gallery that day. Leona refuses to answer, claims again that she killed the victim in her case, and leaves.

This makes Phoenix sad, so he starts singing.

Phoenix: I want to bring you back! I believe in you.

If this sounds familiar, it’s the part where I started absolutely losing my mind in the second musical because this line had never shown up before then, I’d forgotten it was in this musical, and Phoenix was screaming it alone in a red room, so I thought he was like desperately resorting to a necromancy ritual in hopes of bringing Leona back to life.

Instead, this line actually has CONTEXT, though it does just end up enforcing my theory. This is Phoenix mourning what he used to have with Leona, wanting to bring the “old her” back, because he’s devastated that people sometimes change. There are several flashbacks of their college days where he’s wearing his Sexy Woman Sweater. He does succeed in winning her back at the end of this musical. Before she dies, of course.

Phoenix in musical 2 still believes that he can bring back what he used to have with Leona... even beyond death. That’s something affirmed by this musical. I’m very grateful to it for somehow managing to enforce my nonsensical theory.

Doctor Ema

After this, Phoenix returns to his office, and meets with someone new.

That’s right! Only now, halfway through the musical, do we actually get to meet the Ema-equivalent to Leona’s Lana-equivalent. Her name is Monica Clyde. She has little rainbow heart stickers on her briefcase, which is the closest thing this musical has to acknowledging that gay people exist.

But what does this little briefcase contain, you may ask? Scientific investigation tools? No.

A full surgical toolset. Because you never know when someone’ll get sick, or when someone will need an entire operation in front of you. I guess.

So yes, Monica Clyde is not a forensic scientist in training, but a doctor! She decided to become a doctor because of her parents, who passed away of The Sickness, and so became a doctor in order to save lives like theirs.

Once more this has much darker and deeper implications than the musical is even aware of, because Monica is so anxious about treating sick people that she carries a full surgical toolset around with her at all times, scared to lose someone like she lost her parents... and then sometime in the next three years, Leona, her big sister, is going to die.

Of what? The strange Sickness that claimed her parents? A car accident? A botched spur-of-the-moment surgery? Whatever it is, Monica was unable to save her, even when she’d been training her entire life for it.

Monica is not mentioned at all throughout the second musical. It’s as if she does not exist.

Because unlike Ema of Rise From The Ashes, Monica is not at the heart of this story. She is, primarily, a plot device here to make Leona not trust Phoenix so that he can angst about their relationship. 

What a mess this world is.

The Trial, Part 2

Rather than try to prove Leona’s innocence, Phoenix wants to link the current case to not-SL-9, the Jack Lyon case. He does this by showing this picture.

Senator Cole, the victim, is in this picture. His younger brother whose name I’ve forgotten, the victim of not-SL-9, is also in this picture. They are brothers. It is apparently novel that they are in the same picture, and somehow makes their cases linked.

As well, Governor Miller is in the picture. I guess you could say like... Governor Miller’s legal counsel is the defendant, so that’s another link? Even though the Governor would presumably know a Senator, so this isn’t an unusual group. Right now Phoenix has absolutely nothing to prove that these two cases are linked other than “hey, these two victims are brothers”, but apparently it works. So they spend a lot of time talking about not-SL-9, since Leona has confessed to the murder on day 1 and there is absolutely nothing indicating that she can’t be immediately declared guilty.

They hid the fact that Monica was a hostage in this not-SL-9, meaning that some of the case records were forged. Here’s Edgeworth’s reaction when this comes out.

Edgeworth: This is an outrage! I’m the most influential prosecutor in America! There’s nothing I don’t know!

In RFTA, when Edgeworth learns he’d been using forged evidence to give a man the death penalty, he is devastated, his entire worldview is shaken, he sees himself as a monster who could end up becoming horribly corrupt if he isn’t stopped.

Musical Edgeworth goes “I DIDN’T KNOW SOMETHING???”

It’s certainly strange characterization, but I guess Edgeworth is further behind in his character arc than in RFTA, so... ugh. Fine. 

Phoenix calls Monica out as a witness to prove she was involved in the case. This causes Leona to panic, and try to dismiss Phoenix as her attorney, like Lana in RFTA, but Edgeworth interjects to call Monica in anyways. He and Phoenix have a little moment.

Edgeworth: You said to believe in others. I suppose I’ll try believing in you. Try to keep up.

Phoenix: Edgeworth!

So Monica comes to the stand to testify. We get to see this picture of Monica being held hostage, and not-Joe-Darke’s incredible eyeliner.

Lots of it is very similar to the actual RFTA, except instead of the victim being stabbed on the knight with the giant knife, he’s instead stabbed with a regular old knife. Leona still refuses to admit to what really happened, until Edgeworth convinces her to believe in Phoenix.

Edgeworth: Your attorney is a runaway train with a one-track mind. Yet he placed all of his faith in you. Believe in him. You owe him that much.

Leona testifies, and says that when she found the victim, he was stabbed with a scalpel.

Here is where things get weird.

Scalpels Can’t Kill People

So basically earlier in this trial, they talk about how Leona knew that the knife that stabbed the victim was double-edged despite being buried in his chest. The judge questions if this means Leona killed him, but Phoenix is quick to say no, she was searched when she entered the courthouse and couldn’t have concealed a knife.

Yet, Monica was able to bring in her surgical toolkit which contains several sharp knives, scalpels, scissors, etc.

This is the first major contradiction.

Leona continues to say that when she found Monica, and the scalpel stabbed in the victim, she also ran into Governor Miller, who if you haven’t been able to tell yet is the Gant-equivalent of this musical. He offered to help her with the cover-up, etc.

The next bit goes a lot like RFTA. Phoenix accuses Governor Miller, who barges in, says Phoenix has the decisive evidence in his pocket. This is the “butter knife” that Phoenix took from his office when he dug around in confidential documents and stole it for no particular reason. It has Monica’s fingerprints on it! ... And Phoenix’s and Maya’s too probably because they were handling it without gloves, but they don’t mention that part.

Leona cries about how she shouldn’t have trusted Phoenix because he was apparently now blaming Monica, Monica looks terrified, she and Leona have some good sister moments but it’s not as good as it could be if the story was actually about Leona and Monica like how RFTA was about Lana and Ema. But Phoenix has the decisive piece of evidence that can turn this around.

It is this:

Phoenix: Scalpels are made for medical incisions, not stabbings. So how did it stab the victim?

...

...

...

... What?

So like. Yes, scalpels are made for medical incisions. Medical incisions often involve cutting through flesh, very easily. As a result, they are sharp. Extremely sharp. As in: their purpose is literally to stab people, very specifically.

Yes, they’re easier to control, so that surgeons don’t regularly stab people how they’re not supposed to be stabbed, but it’s not like, impossible to stab someone in a killing way with a scalpel? Admittedly, I have never tried to kill someone using a scalpel. And I do not have experience using a scalpel for surgeries because I am not a surgeon. But I’m pretty sure, if you take a sharp scalpel, and you stab someone in the chest with it with a reasonable amount of force... they die.

Like, is this a particular kind of scalpel that is not very sharp? Is the problem that the blade doesn’t match up with the initial wound? But even then, we don’t have the original unforged autopsy report or even a picture, so how would Phoenix know what the original wound looked like to say it didn’t match up? And even then why wouldn’t Phoenix say that instead of SCALPELS CAN’T STAB PEOPLE???

This is his decisive contradiction and it makes ABSOLUTELY NO SENSE TO ME!!!

Well Darn I Guess Scalpels Can’t Kill People

This is such a decisive piece of evidence, that scalpels can’t kill people, coming from the man who thought “caught red-handed” does not involve being caught standing over a corpse with blood on your hands, that it causes Governor Miller to confess.

Unlike Gant, who created the murder with Neil Marshall both to ensure that there was decisive evidence to convict Joe Darke, a serial killer who had not left any decisive evidence behind, and gain control over the prosecutor’s office in order to pull similar stunts to get criminals convicted using false evidence, Governor Miller does not have that as his motive. After all, he’s not a police officer. Instead, he ended up accidentally killing not-Joe-Darke, and then set up the incident in order to get Leona on his side. As her parents were both influential lawyers and very respectable, having her and her parents’ reputation on his side could help him become President of America Where This Takes Place.

So, let’s just take a moment to run over some of the things that made the original Rise From The Ashes great, in my opinion. Just for fun.

1 - The heart of the story between the Skye sisters. Lana closing off to protect Ema, Ema wanting to get through to her sister and get back to the way things used to be. Phoenix, in this story, is more of a bystander to this plotline rather than in the heart of it himself.

2 - Edgeworth’s Character Development. Basically RFTA creates an interesting transition between Turnabout Goodbyes and JFA. It causes Edgeworth to re-evaluate everything he knows about being a prosecutor. So quickly on the heels of Turnabout Goodbyes, it crushes the last bit of hope in him. It compares him to Gant, who also hates criminals, and forces him to wonder if his hatred of crime will one day lead to him being a criminal himself. He’s already convicted one person on forged evidence; how many others could there be?

3 - The Ends Justify The Means. ... wait come back, don’t leave. What I found neat about this case was also Gant’s motive. At one point he was presumably an honest person who hated crime and wanted to stop criminals. But over time in the police force, he became corrupted. He wanted to have all criminals convicted. So what do you do when you don’t have the evidence to convict them? Joe Darke was a serial killer who has killed several people and may have killed more if he’d gone free. The only way to stop and convict him was by using forged evidence. Other criminals could hide evidence to get away with their crimes, so people like Gant would make it up to catch them; but then when do you stop? What happens if there’s no evidence because someone is truly innocent? When does the line between “this person is a criminal and I want to stop them” and “I just want to convict everyone I’m dealing with” become blurred? This is also something he shares with Edgeworth and helps to advance his character.

All three of these things are either lessened or outright ignored in this musical. Leona and Monica’s story takes a backseat to Phoenix and Leona’s Love Story, with Monica only showing up halfway through, and mainly as an excuse as to why Leona is withdrawn. Edgeworth doesn’t seem to blame himself for the forged evidence he used, and doesn’t have a crisis questioning his morality over it. And Governor Miller’s motive is purely power. Unlike Gant, who would have become Chief of Police whether he solved SL-9 or not, Miller needed Leona to win the presidency. And instead of asking her to help him with his campaign like a normal person, he just blackmailed her instead.

... How do you play the games seven times and miss this much?

The Case Finally Ends

god. we’re almost there.

The case ends, Leona is declared not guilty but will still face trial for covering up murders and such. Probably less of a sentence than Lana because she was not involved in ongoing police corruption? Either way she’s dead in three years, so she’s got something a bit more concerning coming up.

She’s led away. Phoenix sings a bit about Leona before being interrupted by Edgeworth... who has something important to tell him.

Edgeworth: You awakened within me those once-cherished emotions I had discarded. I see visions of a distant, nostalgic past.

So basically this is the unnecessary feelings of the musical. Something along the lines of “seeing you again and fighting for my former ideals is making me question many things about myself.”

How does Phoenix respond?

Phoenix: Edgeworth... Try talking normally for a chance.

Sure, we were all thinking it, but that’s a little cold, Phoenix.

Edgeworth tries a smooth recovery.

Edgeworth: I don’t do... idle chit-chat.

This doesn’t accomplish much. So he leaves to allow Leona to visit with Phoenix alone. He’s got to go change for something more important coming up.

Leona and Phoenix decide that they’re going to get back together once Leona is done her sentence! They make a promise that is very funny if you know she’ll be dead in three years.

Phoenix: I’ll be waiting. For you.

There are a lot of hugs here, I’m not screencapping them all. There are also several moments where their faces get very close together and like, their nose brushes the other’s cheek or something, but they never actually kiss. Is it because the actresses weren’t comfortable with it (valid), or they thought kissing would be too much for the musical (sure, whatever), or since both characters are played by women the show staff did not want two women kissing on stage (probably the real answer)? I don’t like watching kisses, but I kept bracing myself for one and then it never happened, so.

Phoenix ends the main part of the musical with one last musical number starring my personal favourite piece:

Phoenix: I want to bring you back! I believe in you.

I like to think that at this point, this is present-day Phoenix, after finishing his reminiscing, still desperately wishing he could bring Leona back from death.

But alas, he cannot. And so, after one last daydream of them dancing together on the beaches of California, singing about their love, the musical ends.

Dance Time!

This starts at exactly the two hour mark, if you’re interested in watching what is, once again, one of the only fun parts of this musical.

Seriously, Edgeworth’s actress kills it here, when I first saw this I went “oh, this is why I saw so many people being gay for her on twitter.”

Edgeworth’s song is an encore of “My Rule”, so it’s lots of fun. Afterwards Phoenix gets another fun piece.

Then we get to the love ballad part, which I can probably overanalyze, I feel like I haven’t done enough ridiculous over-analyzing in this essay in comparison to the other.

Uhhh so the fog represents how Phoenix feels lost in this world without Leona. You can see it in the second screenshot separating the two of them, representing the barrier of death between the two of them. Idk it’s midnight I’m getting worn out from having to think about this musical for so long.

But his mourning over Leona’s death becomes even more apparent in the credits, where Phoenix sings that one line again:

Phoenix: I want to bring you back! I believe in you.

I’m not fixing that screenshot, I think it’s oddly fitting, in a way. That’s me right now.

Then at the very end, he sings this song.

Phoenix: I’ll spend... this eternal life... soaring through... the heavens!

Technically, this refers to his name Phoenix, but let’s dig a little deeper. He spends the rest of his life soaring through the heavens... the heavens that Leona went to after her untimely death, perhaps?

Overall, the musical becomes much more interesting when you just see it as a prequel to the second musical. This musical establishes many core concepts of Phoenix’s character: his refusal to believe in the concept of things changing, for one, and also his extreme dependency on Leona who he was never separated from since they were kids and where he based his entire life around her dreams and ideals. All he can think about is her. And in the end, he promises to wait for her in California.

Yet, to paraphrase Miles Edgeworth, all that is waiting for him is her death. Their dream of opening up a Mom & Pop Law Firm will never come true.

Thanks again for bearing with me even though this wasn’t as funny!

[thotsforvillainrights]

~Christmas with You~

(It’s days after Christmas as usual I haven’t active or slept  properly yet but I’ve been focused on my store lol. I hadn’t been super on my writing game in a hot minute so I decided to write how your partner would treat you during the holidays. This features EVERY single villain I write for from the list located in my bio IN ORDER. Also I apologize if you don’t celebrate Christmas and this doesn’t apply to you. I hope you still had a great holiday anyway, and I love you!)

~Toga💉-She begins her present shopping early because she wants to find you something that she’s sure you’ll like! Eventually she ends up buying a ton of things, but none of them satisfy her and she’s worried you won’t like any of them even though you will. So finally she settles on making you something instead. She will stay up all night long pushing herself to put together the perfect gift for you and will literally fall apart if you don’t like it. But I’m sure she won’t have to worry about anything like that.

~Dabi🔥-Hates the holidays. He tells you they hold some pretty shitty childhood memories for him and he’s honestly all for avoiding even just the thought of Christmas, but of course he looks at you and that changes. He’s really willing to try and take part in a little holiday cheer just for you even if it’s stupid to him. Call it cheesy, but when he celebrates with you it helps take away from the old bad thoughts. It gives him a chance to replace the bad memories with good ones. So he’ll bake some shitty cookies with you, and poorly wrap presents even if he knows that you know what he got for you. Of course he’s not opposed to a mistletoe kiss or two (or three). You help put the cheer in the holiday for him.

~Overhaul🥀-Hates Christmas. It’s not the holiday, it’s just how many people are buzzing around up until that point. So he gets ALL of his shopping done early. And and all emergencies are to be handled by his men (ex: in case he forgot something on the list). The number one thing he takes super seriously is you seeing your presents. You better hope he doesn’t catch you sneaking around the tree. He will lock you in the bedroom until the day of Christmas itself before he lets you open any of them early...even on Christmas eve

~Shigaraki🤚-Literally wakes you up super early on the morning of just so you can watch a movie with him in a fluffy throw blanket with the hum of his electric heater nearby. He loves this season with you more than any other because he can use the cold weather as an excuse to cuddle with you. “Oh well you know I’m kinda small here so I don’t produce a lot of body heat. You should come closer.” Aside from that, he loves the way you celebrate. You make it up to him for not having a childhood at all. Surprisingly enough, he loves doing all the little things with you.

~Tengai🏳-Doesn’t see a point in the holidays and never really supported it before. Now don’t get me wrong, he’s no scrooge. He would rather spend his time the way he usually did around this time of the year: working at charity spots and donation centers. When you find out he spends every holiday season serving food to people less fortunate it makes your heart soar. So if you have the time to join him, then by all means please do so. Help him spread a little peace this season

~Deidoro🍺-Being someone that knows a LOT about different drinks out there, he has never in his life heard about eggnog. It throws you for a loop at first and you laugh at him as he watches you in confusion. “Wait...you’re being serious about this???” So you have to sit him down, make it for him, and let him try it. I mean, how could he be the one person to not know about this when its alcohol related? Well let’s just say that not only does it stick, but Sakaki has been downing eggnog at the Hassaikai Christmas party all night, and now he’s trying to literally eat you in the bathroom while you’re washing your face. It’s ridiculous

~Nemouto✔-This man is 100% proposing to you on Christmas night after a long date with you. For someone that talks about feelings being pointless, he sure does have a lot of love for you. He pays attention to the details and the moods around him. This time was a boost in your happiness and it signaled the perfect time for him to pop the question to you. Add in all those romantic light attractions, and the snow with the carolers etc. Its free romance that he can ride on and use to his advantage. Catch him getting on one knee in the snow after you two are leaving a light show in the city.

~Setsuno💔-Holidays are depressing to say the least. To him, Christmas and Valentines day were the worst 2 days to be alone out of any day of the year. Well WERE until you came into his life. He stares at you unwrapping presents under the tree while he sips some cocoa and he thinks about how lucky he was that you came into his life. Little moments like these help tie together the ideal that holidays aren’t so bad. Thanks to you, he no longer has to fight back tears of sadness in the dead of night as the snow falls against his window and sticks until it melts. Now he has to fight tears of joy blurring his eyes while you two lounge on the couch and try to get through a holiday movie without falling asleep on each other

~Compress🎭-Will do any and everything with you during this day. I mean he’s going to go all out for you on any day of the year, but this one is a little different. So bring in those matching Santa hats, and roll out the gingerbread house kits. Compress is down for it all. It’s not just for you, but all for the sake of letting loose for once during the year and allowing himself to relax as a civilian instead of a villain on the run. He’d rather spend time building a gingerbread house than trekking through the cold forest with the sounds of sirens in the background getting near. 

~Twice👬-This man gets a new ugly Christmas sweater like every year since 7 years ago. The only difference is now he can celebrate with you and his friends instead of celebrating with himself and his clones, alone somewhere in a storage unit. And yes: he’s the number one person to force the league into a Christmas party because he knows you’ll have fun hanging out with him and everyone else (since usually he keeps you away for protection). He’s also the most likely to make everyone engage in secret Santa with each other. Jin is also the one most likely to burn through Christmas movie marathons like it’s nothing at all to him. He runs on peppermint hot cocoa, and marshmallows so don’t challenge him at all

~Kurogiri☁️-Usually he wouldn’t think twice to celebrate it. It doesn’t bother him, but he’s not really focused on being cheerful when there’s work to be done instead. You have to be the one to help him slow down and enjoy the tiny things here and there. He’ll help you string up lights, decorations, and the tree. Believe me, he does an amazing job on it all because he doesn’t half-ass his work in any kind of way whatsoever. He’s also kinda in love with the Christmas sweater/vest combo you got for him (and he’s secretly wanting to brag about it). He’s not one for the sweets like the ribbon candy, or the candy canes but he’ll blow through holiday food that you cook or order. Most of all, he’s invested in seeing you smile 

~AFO💀-Christmas is just another excuse for him to spoil you. However, you have to step up and let him know it’s more than just gift giving that he needs to do. Where you would love some quality time with him, he’s more about giving you 1,000′s of dollars of gifts and handling work that needs to be done. But who can say no to those eyes of yours huh? (Don’t answer that. Just know he’s not one to deny you). He’s not really into the holidays but he treats it like a big important date night between the two of you. He’ll go above and beyond to ensure things runs smoothly. You’ll have to introduce him to ‘stay at home’ dates for once. If not

~Stain🔪- Isn’t down for it until you mention the tradition that some people go out and chop a real tree. For some odd reason, he’s attached to the idea of chopping a tree down. At first you thought you’d successfully got him into the Christmas spirit, but it just turns out he was eager to use a blade for big business for the first time. Either way, you shrugged it off and rode with it. And boy was that a mistake to make...You were shivering out there. Stain had you in the forest for at least an hour now while he hunted down the perfect tree. You swore to yourself that you’d be getting a fake one next year

~Muscular💪-”Celebrate Christmas? Okay, why tho?” You maybe could convince him by disguising it as a romantic time but he’s not big on romance either. You entice him with gift giving. More importantly the idea of hiding his gifts and not letting him see a single one till Christmas day. THAT is how you get him into the holiday. Be warned though, he’s mostly taking part in the other celebrations because he’s wanting those presents so badly.  

~Mustard☣-You’ll be lucky if you can get him to go Christmas shopping with him, let alone celebrate. No offense against the holiday itself but Mustard doesn’t celebrate ANY day. He doesn’t even like to celebrate his own birthday! He seems to be a bit more bitter around the holidays and the cheer isn’t helping. “C’mon don’t be a scrooooooge!” You poke at his cheek while he’s scrolling through his phone on the couch. “Y/N for the last time, kindly piss off.” He glares at you before turning his attention to his phone again. At this point you’ll either have to risk getting put under from annoying him too much, or you’ll have to find another way to convince him to loosen up. Good luck with it

~Spinner🦎-10/10 best person to spend Christmas with. He’s more into it than you are. As soon as December 1st hits, he’s putting up decorations. In fact, he put up the tree a week before Thanksgiving. The holidays remind him of when he was little and he sat in his mom’s lap while she sewed a Christmas tree quilt. Or when he and his sibling would have snowball fights in the backyard (despite his aversion to cold weather due to his quirk). Shuichi will sit down and write out a holiday movie watch list and watch a different Christmas almost every single day with you if you’d allow it. He’s the first to bake cookies, and the first to start buying gifts early. Most of all, he’s happy to spend this time with you. (Oh be prepared for those walks in the park to admire the Christmas lights)

~Katsukame🗿-Big guy is a lot more cheerful than you know, but he knows nothing about Christmas so you gotta show him all those old fashioned traditions. But please don’t tell him to deck the halls because he will pull a ‘Rappa’ move and punch holes in the hallway walls. Aside from that, he’s pretty open to Christmas cookies, and even decorating. But I have to say he draws the line at singing door to door at people’s houses because he hates to sing. He doesn’t even like to hum lol 

~Rappa👊-Hell yeah he’s gonna spend it with you! The big guy is literally sold on just about anything involving you (well as long as he doesn’t have to wear a stuffy suit for it). His excitement stems mostly from his curiosity. He never had a bad childhood but he still can’t remember much of the holidays back then. So who needs old memories when you can make new ones! At least that’s his reasoning after all lol. 

~Hawks🦅-This guy is the WORST at giving you presents. I mean his gifts are amazing, but he always slips up and tells you what they are too soon. In fact, he will buy you something and ask if you wanna see it within the next five minutes afterward. Its gotten to the point where you have to beg him almost to stop letting wanting you to open stuff. He can’t help it though! Keigo just loves spoiling you, and holidays are the exception where he can go crazy with his saved money.

~Magne🕶-She has this crazy secret collection that she finally busted out once you’ve gotten close enough to you in the relationship. Her secret collection ended up being a MASSIVE set of sweaters (specifically Christmas themed) While she’s beaming proudly about how she has a different sweater for every day in December, your jaw is almost on the floor. “Mag...don’t...don’t these cost like 50 bucks each? How long have you been collecting these?!” Anyway, you should expect an ugly Christmas sweater party with the League at least once this December 

~Tabe🍡-Forget celebrating the other stuff that comes with Christmas, you already know what he’s excited about...All that yummy yummy food!!! Oh God (if it applies) take him to your family (or friends) for Christmas and watch his face as he enters to see that table full of food. Oh man, he’s going to do his best to be respectful but on the inside he wants to destroy all of the food on that table. Oh and don’t worry about the whole baking cookies for Santa because Tabe is most likely going to eat them...and drink the milk too

~Hojo💎-He starts present shopping in late October, early November so that way he has everything he needs to get for you (which is a lot). He hides your presents at the base so you have no idea where to find them. Thanks to the base being an underground labyrinth, you’ll never see those gifts until Christmas eve (just one), and Christmas day (the rest of them). Hojo goes along with whatever you do to celebrate the holidays. He’s just perfect husband material to be honest. Not too rough around the edges, but willing to beat a man to death if his job calls for it. Who knew he’d be the most willing to celebrate the holidays with you.

~Chronostasis🔫-He will literally defy anyone that stood in the way of spending this holiday with you. That includes his own best friend/boss. Overhauls knows this, and he’s comes to respect your relationship so he purposefully doesn’t schedule Hari to work on Christmas (but he still pays him for the full day since he’s still his friend). Hari will absolutely kill anyone that got in the way of your cheer. Even if you were one of those people that believed in Christmas magic, he would support you. The world is tough, and it shows no mercy so little things like joy during the holiday meant a lot more than anyone could know in your household. He loves to see you happy so if that means celebrating with you, then he’s going to do it. Besides...he secretly likes Christmas himself

~Mimic💰-Literally loves to talk about how unnecessary it is while he’s also excited for it as well. Like he’ll talk down about decorating while he’s decorating. If you try to step between him he’s gonna tell you to: “Back off, you’re messing up my artistic flow here. Go sit on the couch. Make yourself useful and unwrap the candy cane boxes for the tree.” You can see by the way he steps back and puts his hands on his hips to admire his handy-work that he’s taken a bit of pride in things here. 

~Pops🇯🇵-The old man will take part in the celebration with you because he absolutely adores both you AND the holiday itself as well. He might mix in a few older traditions like Elf on a Shelf, and making a popcorn line to go around the tree. Most importantly you can look forward to opening one gift early as per tradition on Christmas eve. Pops is thankful every single year he gets to spend with you. 

~Giran👏-Christmas presents from him are on lock. You see he developed this tactic after brainstorming some ideas. He’s always buying you anything and everything but he realizes that it takes away from his Christmas gift pool. To combat this, he decided to cutdown on his generosity in the months of September, October, and November. That way, it’ll give him some time to get you a bunch of stuff on Christmas that you DONT already own. Or at least some stuff you don’t already need. 

~Geten❄-Of course he’s number one at hiding how he feels about you. Or maybe more along the line of being a total Tsundere, but believe me he loves you. If that means celebrating this holiday with you then he’s willing to endure it. His grumpy face is getting harder and harder to hide from you. Sometimes you can just barely catch a glimpse of his content smile while you guys build a snowman together. Wanna have some real fun with him? Challenge him to a snow building competition. With his quirk at play you’ll surely lose no matter what, but isn’t it fun to see him bragging his ass off about how he ran circles around your ‘shitty snow project’? 

~Slice💋-She doesn’t hate the holiday, but she DESPISES the cold weather. A lot of her clothes are shorter and sexier by far. Summer is her number one time of the year. Besides, winter dries her skin out, and she hates being under wraps of a thick jacket etc. She can’t even wear her open toed heels!!! Besides that, she’s down for celebrating indoors if you want to. Christmas movies, hot cocoa, and a few make-out sessions are her forte. That’s the best way to do Christmas in her opinion

~Nine🌪-Bake cookies? Sure. Volunteer at shelters? Absolutely. Hang lights around the house/apartment? Yes baby, anything for you. I mean Nine is a ‘yes’ man all year round, but he’s especially willing to agree to things during this time of year. He’s completely whipped for you and there’s nothing wrong with that. He celebrates however you’d like him to do so. There is just one thing he wants to do that he suggested first and that’s either driving slowly through fancy neighborhoods to see their lights up, or going to a Christmas themed petting zoo and feeding carrots to the reindeer. Let’s say he’s a child at heart during this time of year

~Chimera🐺-Literally sees no purpose in celebrating it at all. He’ll do the stuff you want but he’s going to complain the whole way. The only thing he’s big on is saving up his cash and getting you something. The only thing that matters to him is making you happy during the entirety of your relationship (which he hopes is the rest of your lives together). The rest of the stuff he’s just grumbling and putting up with so he can see your smile. 

~Mummy🥋-Christmas? For what? Well okay then, if you say so. Really doesn’t get the point but hey, why not. He’s got nothing better to do. He’s never really celebrated it, His family never really celebrated it either so he’s a little interested in how you get down for it. His favorite thing he developed was this odd present wrapping competition with you. You should already know how good he is at wrapping things due to his quirk (I’m sure he’s shown you how good he is at binding and wrapping stuff before). Add a little competition into anything and he’s ready to do it. Baking competition, Caroling competition, Decorating competition. He’ll even challenge you to who can cuddle each other better. Whatever floats his boat I guess lol

~Gentle Criminal☕-He wants to travel during the holidays with you and he wants to vlog it all. Only if you’re okay with it of course! If you give him the ‘okay’ then he’s whisking you away somewhere overseas for a more extravagant vacation. He ends up spending so much time with you and having so much fun that he stop recording like 3 days in. His reasoning behind travelling is that snow must be so much more fun elsewhere, so of course the rest of the holidays must be as well. In all reality he just wants to make sure you have a fun Christmas. Travelling during it and experiencing different places and cultures are a fun new way to experience the holiday. 

~La Brava📸-Handy with the tech, but mostly with the camera. She amasses an entire compilation of you throughout the day and she’ll stay up all night stitching it together. The day after Christmas comes and she sits you down on the couch to watch it with her. Honestly she’s the sweetest and most dedicated partner that anyone could ask for. The way she treats you makes you thankful not just for spending Christmas with her, but for spending any day of the year with her. 

[princess-peregrine]

I heard you are doing storm hawks writing prompts. If you still doing writing prompts how about something about young Dark Ace arguing with Lightning Strike about a mission or ignoring orders.

Okay like this was really hard for me since I for one forget that Lightning Strike existed at any opportunity because the things I assumed and headcannond make me not like him like, in an unfun way. like that guy had no lines and was a background character but I still really don't care for him or the lore about him bc I ignore canon. and the Dark Ace is just a silly little man to me. so I have no attatchment to these characters and didn't know how to make them argue or anything and this was all I could think of, it's not exactly what you wanted so sorry for that but I have zero ideas for these guys.

So instead have a you are Dark Ace POV of just straight up not liking Lightning Strike

1.3k words, fighting

The thing about a good fighter, like most of our crew, is that they can take down an enemy without killing them. They're also smart enough to not kill everyone they fight. Some fighting styles required killing people, but not directly, meant to conserve energy and strength. Like Sky Fu, disrupting your opponents balance and knocking them off their craft. The issue was him. Lightning Strike isn't a good fighter. His swings are heavy, he's uncoordinated, he aims to hurt people and kill them, and he gets out of breath often. Our leader didn't deserve the position, he only cared about praise and looking cool. Doing stupid poses when he beat someone or to intimidate them. The council sees him as an effective fighter, what they don't see is the fights he's a part of. Spilling unnecessary blood at any opportunity. I'm convinced he became a Sky Knight just to hurt people, we're just lucky he's on our side. Large, fast, able to dodge quickly, and not stopping his attacks, all the qualities a fighter should have. But he's also our leader.

I'm Ace, Lightning Strikes right hand and co pilot. The only reason he says he 'allows' me to be his co pilot is because I'm the only one to beat him in a fight. No matter how many times I beat him though, he doesn't show me respect.

So I hate the fact that I'm rushing in behind him to protect him. The Jerk should focus on the people around him. He just rushed headfirst into a group of Talons chasing after one soldier of theirs just because of a stupid insult. He tackled the soldier, leaving his back open. Fortunately for me everyone was focused more on that brute than me. I got there just in time to stop a Talon from bringing his blade down onto Strikes neck. I used the dagger in my right hand to parry the blade to the side while my left dagger went under the shoulder, severing the tendons that supported the arm. He screamed, he would be fine his arm would be useless for a few years but he'd be taken out of the fighting, but the important thing would be that he would live. Lavinia had been close behind me and started fighting at the front of their lines.

Lightning Strike is back on his feet, already swinging his sword blindly taking down anyone getting too close. I feel a bit of sympathy for the Talons in his path. I recognize the style they're using, doing their best to use Lighting Strikes swings against him. Lightning strike shrugging them off and bringing his blade down on them.

I am about to get away and get back to the front to help the rest of the crew when an arrow landed underneath my feet. A red arrowhead, jumped in the direction the arrow came from and the small explosion from the arrow threw me even farther. I wont have the balance to land after this so I braced my arms in front of my face, hoping I can roll it off and get back to the fighting.

My arms hit the ground first and I know my plan didn't work. My body turns upon impact and rolls sideways. I'm dizzy but I try my best to get my bearings as my vision focuses. It looks like it was a good thing I landed here, I thought, I'm even farther behind enemy lines and only two Talons are focused on me. One's rushing at me with a spear and the other is reloading his crossbow, fumbling with the arrow.

I try to stand and feel a sharp pain in my left arm and ribs, I ignore it and try to push myself forward as I get back on my feet. The Talon rushes me and aims for my side as jump to the left and use the dagger in my right hand to push the spear away. The Talon is off balance now, leaning over when I had pushed the spear. With the distance closed I grapple his waist and throw him over my back. I hear him land on the ground behind me with a large metallic thud, the sound of air leaving his lungs let me know he couldn't move and I jabbed his head with the brunt of my daggers, knocking him out.

The archer had reloaded and moved deeper behind enemy lines, not watching where he was going. Lighting Strike slashed him down the back when he got too close. The fight is nearly over now, and it looks like Lightning Strike didn't kill most of them, just brutally injured them. They needed to get to medics quick though. All of the fighting seemed to be focused at the rest of the crew, nothing they couldn't handle. I breathed a sigh of relief and gripped at my ribs as our leader approached me.

“We still have the tents to search, can you keep going?” He isn't asking out of concern, I can tell. He's mocking me, while I'm standing here struggling to stand straight and refusing myself to clutch at my ribs he has this huge grin on his face since he didn't get hit. Lucky bastard. I can see in his eyes that during our next spar he'd use my injuries against me.

“Of course.” I said with a forced smile.

The first few tents were empty, save for a Talon who cowered away from fighting. Lightning Strike had the sense to knock him out and drop him outside the tent. With only one tent left Lavinia approached us, asking what we should do next. Before Lightning Strike could tell them to relax I quickly gave them the orders to collect the Talons and get them to the ship and get them to the nearest med unit as fast as possible. Watching the rest of the crew gather the injured Talons my leader only gave a scoff and headed towards the last tent.

Lighting Strike pulled back the tent curtain and leaped backwards as a blade came out and swung at him. A kid no older than sixteen in only leather armor swung his sword up and down slowly, clearly not used to the blades weight. Another kid roughly the same age ran out of the tent and away from the fighting. I rushed the one swinging his sword and kicked his hands up, knocking the blade out of his hands and swung my leg to the side, hitting the kids chest and knocking him on his back. Lightning Strike ran after the other kid and grabbed him by his arms.

“I had heard Cyclonia had started using child soldiers, didn't think we'd run into any though.��� Lighting strike said. Throwing the kid he caught onto his friend. Both of them looked up at us, fear obvious in their eyes. Cole quickly rushed over with handcuffs and took the kids away. Lightning Strike put his hand on my shoulder, I didn't notice before but he had been wearing a smile since the kid came out of the tent. “This is great news Ace!”

“Sir?”

“Come on Terrance, think about it.” He placed both his hand on my shoulders. “If they're really using child soldiers now then that means their army is falling apart. The Sky Knights have more people than ever now. If we attack now then it's an easy win.”

I watched over the next few weeks as his ego grew in size. He gathered the other Sky Knights and convinced most of them into an all out attack against Cyclonia. His plan could work. Child soldiers weren't as skilled in combat, they couldn't fight back against such a large attack. I fought him countless times leading up to the attack. Trying to get him to call it off. He wouldn't listen to me. A brute like him never should have been calling the shots. It should have been me. I was stronger, faster, knew how to fight, and best of all smarter. If it wasn't for me he'd be dead. I should be the leader.

My eyes traced over his back as we flew into battle against the Cyclonians. I drew The blade on his back, and his confused and scared expression as he looked up at me was priceless.

[lovejustforaday]

Album Review - The ArchAndroid by Janelle Monáe

THE ARCHANDROID - JANELLE MONÁE

Main Genres: Art Pop, Progressive Pop, Contemporary R&B

A decent sampling of: Psychedelic Pop, Jazz Pop, Neo-Soul, Rock N Roll, Synth Pop, Swing, Baroque Pop, Conscious Rap, Alternative R&B

It’s hard to think of an artist who arrived onto the scene with a more fully-formed vision than Janelle Monáe.

Creative minds of her caliber are few and far between. I bet a lot of artists wish that they could say that their debut LP was as bold, ambitious, and left as lasting an impression as The ArchAndroid.

The ArchAndroid is the most cinematic experience an album has ever given me by itself. Artists like Gorillaz and Beyoncé have dropped “album movies” where every song (or just about every song) gets a music video, and I admire those kinds of projects for all the effort that goes into them. But The ArchAndroid never needed a music video for every song - each song is already so vivid, so full of colour and life, that I can already picture clearly what the music and the story looks like inside my head. Of course, it helps that Janelle Monae did everything in her power to make the story behind this concept album as real and tangible as possible, between little details like the written lore in the liner notes to the real life persona she adopted at the time of its release. But what exactly is The ArchAndroid all about? Well, it’s a little complicated. Monáe refers to her debut EP Metropolis and her first two LPs as “suites”, with Metropolis representing suite 1, The Archandroid suites 2 and 3, and The Electric Lady suites 4 and 5. These suites tell the story of Cindi Mayweather, a prophetic, afrofuturistic android protagonist who was cloned from Janelle Monáe’s DNA, who falls in love with a human named Sir Anthony Greendown, and lives in a dystopian future where time travelling villains known as ‘The Great Divide’ are oppressing androids.

Essentially, the story of Cindi Mayweather serves as allegory for issues surrounding blackness, queerness, oppression, and interacial love in our own times. Furthermore, Cindi Mayweather’s character represents love itself as an opposing force to hatred. The ArchAndroid in particular very strongly represent’s Janelle Monae’s socio-political manifesto of love, protest, and peaceful rebellion in the face of societal injustices like racism. The whole thing is basically just really nerdy pop music meets sci-fi social justice, and I absolutely fell in love with the concept from the very first time I heard The ArchAndroid. Anyways, let’s talk about the music. Monáe’s pop fusion sound takes inspiration from all sorts of directions here - from good old rock and roll, classic psychedelia, and 60s girl groups, to modern hip hop and neo-soul. What really stands out however is a particular fondness for the classy sound of 1920s jazz, swing, and big band music, and the accompanying visual aesthetics for the album draw heavily from this influence. The production on this album is BIG. Part of what makes this album so cinematic is the crisp, clean mastering and the large orchestral arrangements that feature prominently throughout. Everything sounds meticulously placed and she clearly worked with a really great team on this project. I’d also say that this is the kind of album you definitely have to hear on vinyl to get the fullest experience possible. Monáe’s talents as a vocalist are also a key element. She’s got a fire in her soul and a very real stage presence, and her range is impeccable. She can rap on tracks like “Dance or Die” and “Tightrope”, she can serenade the listener so sweetly on tracks like “Say You’ll Go” and “Sir Greendown”, or she can belt out a song with sorrow in her chest on tracks like “Oh, Maker” and “Cold War”. At almost 70 minutes, it’s a very long album by pop standards so it’d be pretty difficult to pinpoint what all of my favourite tracks are on The ArchAndroid and why, but here’s a few highlights anyway. “Dance Or Die”, “Faster”, and “Locked Inside” start off the album with a three part musical chase scene where Cindi is fleeing her oppressors. I see a heavy rainy night, dark alleyways, flashing city lights, and futuristic floating cop cars when “Dance Or Die” kicks in with its incredibly infectious beat that gets my heart pumping every time I hear it. “Sir Greendown” is a wonderful little love song with mysterious undertones, and a warm throwback to the era of brill building. This song establishes one of the main conflicts of the ArchAndroid portion of Cindi’s story in particular; that is, choosing between her destiny to stay and fight for her people as the Archandroid, or escaping to the safe haven land of mushrooms and roses to live a life of peace with her lover. “Tightrope” is just a total banger from start to finish. This jazzy, swingy r&b rap track features Big Boi of Outkast, one of her clearest musical inspirations and it’s really cool to see both of them absolutely kill it alongside eachother. The breakdown with the record scratching is one of the very best musical moments on this LP and it really gives me the vibe of an android glitching on the dance floor from partying too hard. “Wondaland” is absolutely utopian, a lofty, mythical synth pop song that sounds like it came right out of a pixar movie with all kinds of weird little android voices in the background. “Say You’ll Go” is my personal favourite. This classy tune is mostly an exhibit for Monáe’s artistic tastes and her soothing vocals, but it’s done so incredibly well that I can’t help but wonder if this is what elevator music in the tallest skyscraper of an advanced society might sound like. The ending with its interpolation of “Clair de Lune” and a soulful choir in the background is a really nice touch. “BaBopByeYa” is a fantastic eight minute closing piece of soul jazz that represents the peak of the album’s cinematic qualities, with a progressive song structure that tells an entire story on its own. The fact that this wasn’t the biggest album of its decade is honestly sort of a crime. I can only think of one other album from the 2010s that I love just a little bit more than The ArchAndroid, but if we’re to assume that some element of music critique is objective (which is a whole other can of worms), then I have to point out just how put together this whole LP is, how much love and hard work clearly went into it, and how incredibly impressive this sounds even to this day. Speaking as ““““objectively”””” as I think I can, this is the most impressive thing I’ve heard that’s come out in the past 11 years. This could have come out yesterday and it still would have sounded so incredibly beyond what I thought was possible at the time. What’s more, the political issues tackled by The ArchAndroid are sadly just as relevant today as they were the day that it dropped. Speaking as a dumb privileged white guy who obviously isn’t an expert on the subject, I really did want to put out a review for Black History Month that would honour a great black artist, and Janelle Monáe is the first one that comes to mind. Monáe is obviously a very proud black woman, and her art definitely needs to be celebrated.

That being said, The ArchAndroid is really the kind of album that just about anybody should be able to enjoy regardless of their background. Either you love sci-fi, hate injustices, or just like listening to really fucking good music.

10/10

highlights: “Say You’ll Go”, “Wondaland”, “Tightrope”, “Dance Or Die”, “BaBopByeYa”, “Sir Greendown”, “Oh, Maker”, “Locked Inside”, “57821″, “Cold War”, “Mushrooms & Roses”, “Suite III Overture”, “Suite II Overture”, “Faster”, “Make the Bus”

[flying-elliska]

So I watched Happiest Season (livewatch with @beeexx my fave penguin enthusiast 🐧🐧🐧)

Overall I enjoyed it ? But it's not the light-hearted romcom it's been promoted as.

Spoilers !

The positive:

- Kristen Stewart, het icon of my teen years, is just glowing in this, like she is so happy to be finally playing gay lmao. This is really her story. Her character, Abby, is by turn charming, adorable, funny, and relatably awkward. Also, her glam butch style is just A++. And she has good chemistry with her co-star - they feel and behave like a believable couple (which has been a problem with actresses playing wlw in the past where you could really see they weren’t fully into it.) They were super cute together. This still feels cathartic somehow, like Bella Swan decided to go see a therapist instead of going off the deep end and finally figured herself out.

- I loved that this isn't the "token gays in a sea of straightness" trope. Abby's BFF is gay and really funny - and this particular trope feels a lot less annoying when the gay BFF is there for another gay person so it's more like queer solidarity instead of him being a prop for a straight person's development. Him trying to play straight was just hilarious. Aubrey Plaza plays Harper's (the other part of the main couple) ex and she is just great, seems a bit shady at first but her helping Abby out was just...so compassionate. Also she is probably the hottest character in this movie let's be real. And I loved the bit where she takes her to a drag bar (the straight bar where Harper goes to seems so drab in comparison fjfj)

- There were some funny, classic rom-com shenanigans moments - the sneaking around, getting stuck in the closet, etc...the creepy twins were quite funny too, if infuriating. My favorite was definitely Jane, the overlooked kooky sister, who "has been writing a fantasy book for the past ten years" (I can relate) and whose overachiever family has pretty much given up on her (I can also relate). 

-Ngl the whole ‘rich people being fake and neurotic and making everything x100 times more difficult than it has to be’ bit felt very realistic. Like, I’ve met those people, and they are just as annoying in this movie as they are in real life. Also a very realistic rep of having to fake who you are in a town full of fake people pleasers and over achievers (even if it was stressful to watch lmao) and how Christmas can bring out the worst in people.

- Even though it has issues, the ending was very heartfelt and I definitely cried. This movie is just really raw and sad in some parts, but in a way that felt genuine and you can tell that a lot of queer people were involved in making it. It really touches on this deep seated anguish of possibly being rejected, of not knowing whether your family is going to accept you or not, on desperately trying to pass because you’re afraid of change...I think a lot of that comes to the actors being really good, like all of them, and really acting their heart out. And the moment where the dad decides to forego a big donor/supporter because he doesn’t want to force his daugther to hide really touched me. I also really liked the part where the BFF talks about how everybody’s coming out journey can be different and it’s important to remember that, especially if you have the chance to come from a very tolerant background.

The Less Positive

- The movie has been criticized for being weirdly apolitical (for instance the dad is a mayor but we never learn anything about his actual political opinions) but tbh this is supposed to be a Hallmark-like holidays movie I think that’s kind of part of the genre to be in this sort of happy slightly tone-deaf bubble and I don’t think straight movies of this type get this sort of criticism so yknow i’m fine with that bit i guess not all queer movies should have to be deeply political (even tho yeah it’s still very homonormative and ‘all about family values’ etc etc)

- Most of the issues I have with this movie center around Harper, Abby’s love interest and the one who lies to her family about their relationship. Now, I think Mackenzie Davis is a really good actress. And I do feel sympathetic for the character. The movie really makes you understand all the pressure she’s under, how her parent’s love is conditional, all the public scrutiny, and why she behaves the way she does. And her finally pulling through made me cheer for her. However, there were a lot of moments in the movie where I was genuinely unsure if I should be rooting for Abby and her to stay together. She does a lot of things that are definitely deeply unhealthy and questionable and had me going ‘Abby pls run away while you still can’. I feel a lot of compassion for her. But I simply don’t think the movie gives us enough happy time with Abby and Harper for me to really want them to be together as a couple -they spend a big part of the movie being mad at each other. They should have given us more scenes with them at the start to really get a feel of who they are as characters and as a couple, so when it gets rough, we actually root for them to pull through. This is an issue a lot of mediocre romances have - they assume we will root for the characters just because they’re said to be in love. For me, that doesn’t really work. And even though the ending made me quite emotional (again, great acting) - as a romance, it doesn’t really work for me.

- I really liked the bit where the family realized they had been putting this pressure on each other to be perfect and as they shared all these secrets they finally came together as a family. But...honestly, the family started out as just so profoundly neurotic it felt a bit unbelievable (and their social circles felt like a nightmare). A bit like Abby and Harper’s relationship being all ok after Harper’s big change of heart. The whole ‘mom’s secret desire to do karate but it’s unlady-like’ being put on the same level as her daughter’s coming out had me rolling my eyes. And there is a forced coming out scene which I really really hate.

- I think what I am really tired of, is queer movies who center coming out so much, the anxiety of being accepted or not, etc. And who present coming out as this revolutionary process that is going to change everything immediately. In my experience, at least, it’s often a process of small inches, towards self acceptance, towards your family coming to terms and learning to be less unconsciously bigoted, sometimes good intentions, sometimes microagressions or being erased, etc etc. I also just really want queer stories and queer romances who are not centered on coming out, on ‘what will others/my family think’, who have shenanigans and tension based on other things, with characters who might struggle with self acceptance sometimes (or not) but who have other things going on as well and who are fuller characters. It’s about damn time. Until then, the movies we have will end up feeling a lot like a PSA for straight people.

Overall

I still think this is a pretty quality movie. Good acting, believable and often funny dialogue, good chemistry, etc. (And let’s be honest, the bar for wlw movies is uhhhh not very high.) I really enjoyed watching Kristen Steward play gay and have chemistry with pretty ladies. There was room for holiday gay movies (even tho I want to see more, with more diverse characters).

It feels like wish-fullfillment for a certain type of queer person - (upper) middle class, with parents who are...ambiguously accepting. It does transcribe well this tension of not really being to predict their reaction - and illustrates the importance of being very obviously accepting with your children - like tell them it’s okay for them to be gay from the start, even if they turn out to be straight - otherwise they will be left wondering if they’re not. It’s this fantasy that everything will turn out all-right after you come out, you will fit in your family better than before, your mistakes will be forgiven if you are earnest enough, and life can go on as usual but better. And it is sweet, and cathartic, in a way, even if not revolutionary.

But yeah, as a romance, I wasn’t entirely sold on it. And I think it was promoted as a lot more uplifting than it really was.

[ahiddenpath]

My Current Thoughts on Writing Fanfics

I’m so glad I’ve had this bloggity since 2012, because I can see how much my approach to writing has changed!  I wanted to touch base on where I am now, plus answer the most common questions I receive about writing fanfics beneath the cut.

Obligatory disclaimer: I’m a hobbyist writer, this is meant to be taken as opinion/reflection, not advice, different approaches work for different people, annnnd also check out my digimon fanfics (FFN and AO3).

How do I develop a regular writing habit?

I’d start by setting aside 15 minutes a day to write.  Don’t focus on word count- writing x number of words can be intimidating, but most people can sit for 15 minutes and get something down.  If you’re writing on a computer, turn off the internet and place your phone out of reach

Gradually increase the session length.

Never worry about the quality of your writing while you’re drafting.  That’s what editing and subsequent drafts are for.  I have a post on utilizing successive drafts to combat writing paralysis here, but the tl;dr is that the pressure to write a perfect story in the first draft often turns writing into an agonizing trial instead of creative play.

Your first draft is bad, period, at least compared to what it will be.  In the kindest way possible, get over it.  Your value as a writer- or as a human!- isn’t tied into your questionable first draft.  Please explore your story in the earliest stages with enthusiasm, not criticism!  You’re going to make it so much better by the time you’re finished!

How do you write so much?

See, here’s one of the biggest changes in my mindset compared to my early days as ahiddenpath.  I used to think that doing all of this writing was like... extra credit, like a stretch goal I pushed myself to achieve.  

I learned in therapy starting in 2018 that the reason I keep writing is because I have to.  I have general anxiety disorder, and my brain...  Have you seen an old-timey cartoon with a boiler?  They are drawn swollen, metal distorting with steam pressure, rivets groaning and popping free.  That’s how I feel if I don’t write.  Don’t ask me why or how, but writing is like turning a valve to release the pressure.

(Quick PSA- my therapist calls creative outlets “coping skills.”  If you feel like you have boiler brain, make time for your hobbies, no matter how tired you are.)

For me, writing is challenging play.  Although I’m often conveying messages that matter to me or exploring ideas I want to work through, and I try to make the best product I can...  I don’t take it seriously, and I don’t sweat over it.  I’m here to wander, play, and take care of myself.

So basically, I think the recipe for producing lots of writing is: regularity/habit (do it every day, even for just a little while), minimizing distractions, separating the processes of drafting and editing, turning off criticism in the early stages of drafting, and writing for yourself and your own needs.

 Do you feel embarrassed about writing fanfic?

Nope.  I write for my mental health/because it’s fun, period.  However, I also don’t tell people IRL that I write fanfic!  But I’m a private person (I don’t tell people IRL that I’m asexual, for example, and I only tell them I have anxiety if I freeze up in front of them).

Do you feel embarrassed about writing OCs/fakemon?

Hahahaha!  Look, I know there are lots of people who won’t read OCs and fakemon.  I know there are probably people who wish I would stick to more canon stuff (both in terms of OCs and my strong preference for AUs).

But I’m here to write what I want, and while it makes me happy when people read and enjoy my work...  It’s no skin off my back if they don’t.  I already fulfilled my goal of taking care of myself.

Don’t you want to get published and make money for your writing?

No, not at this time.  For everyone who has said that I have the writing skill to be published, thank you so very much.  That’s so kind, and I truly appreciate it!

But...  The United States has the enormous capitalistic attitude problem that endeavors are only worthwhile if they generate capital.  I can’t even begin to tell you how damaging this concept is- literally, I’m not equipped with the sociopolitical educational background.  

Sometimes I think I’d like to become a published novelist?  But sometimes I recall that I have a dope research gig, and I wanna play around with writing in my free time.

To be clear, I’m not saying that you shouldn’t pursue your creative career dreams!!!  And, who knows, maybe some day I’ll get tired of research and want to try swapping to the hobby/skill I’ve spent so much time refining.  Just...  Never stop doing something fun and harmless you enjoy because “it doesn’t make money.”  

I’m not gonna sit here acting like I know what the purpose of life is, but I think having fun and meeting your needs is pivotal.

Okay, so how can I support my favorite fandom content creators?

Bless you, f’real.  The easiest way is to comment on their stuff.  For meta writers, leave comments, engage, ask questions.  For fanfiction writers, leave reviews.  I have so many lovely folks who chat with me over Tumblr or discord after reading my stuff, which is so great.  But it’s hard to find those sweet messages later.  I can always click on reviews any time I need a little positive reinforcement/boost.  So, even if you’re going to talk to the writer later...  Leave that review!

If the content producer uses social media, reblog their stuff to give them more exposure.  Likes are for you, so you can find a post later.  Reblogs are for the creators, so other people can see their work.

Things like fanart, fanfic of fanfic, cosplays, and other... fan content of fan content make our year, I promise!  We love that so stinkin’ much!

Some fan content producers have a ko-fi and/or a patreon, so sometimes there are monetary ways to show appreciation.

If you’re intimated by a content producer, please remember that we are all massive dorkasauruses.  I absolutely guarantee it.

How do you have so many ideas?!

Ah, I have a Future Projects page on my blog- I don’t think pages work on mobile.

But here’s the secret: ideas are the easy part.  They are literally a dime a dozen.  Heck, there are AU generators!  Just pick characters out of a hat and use an AU generator and bam, you’re off!  And even then, you don’t need a real idea to start writing!  I launched Four Years on the thought of, “hahaha, wouldn’t it be a mess if the Chosen went to college together?!”

We’re writing fanfic; we’re here to play.  There’s no need to crush yourself with the expectation that you must write the next hit thriller plot.

In my opinion, the much better question is: how do you manage your projects such that you complete them?

So, uh, how do you manage your projects?

I’ve established that I write fanfic to play and to take care of myself, but I do want to grow as a writer along the way.  And the best way to learn how to craft narratives is to practice completing them.  If you launch stories over and over and only write roughly 1/4 to 1/3 of the way through the story...  All you’re practicing is how to start a story.

When I first started writing as ahiddenpath, I did exactly zero planning (see the Four Years reference above).  I ended up with longfics stretching as long as 400K+ words- that’s over six novels (based on the average adult fiction novel length)!!!!!  It is so daunting to work on longfics, because you feel like the ending is nowhere to be seen.

SO most of my pointers circle around always writing towards your ending, even before you start!

-Decide what you want to say with your story before you start writing.

First, “what you want to say” doesn’t have to be a big, grand theme.  It can be as big as “how the trauma of their adventures impacted them after” or as small as “I think these dorks would have a good time at laser tag.” 

I’m not talking about a detailed outline (in fact, I personally hate outlines).  Just know what your story is about and make sure what you write points to it.  If you can make the structure of your story mimic your theme, even better!  But no worries if that doesn’t work out, it’s not always possible.

-Write linearly

The best way to keep moving along in your story is just to... keep writing it in order.  This helps achieve regular updates, and prevents you from potentially “losing” material if you change your mind about the plot before reaching the bit you wrote already.  This happened to me so frequently that I stopped writing ahead of myself.  If I have an idea, I write it down, but I don’t draft future scenes.  In my experience, they often never see the light of day.

I’m told people often write the bit of the story they most want to write first?  If you have a single scene that you’re really longing to write, but you don’t know how to get there/don’t want to write the rest...  May I suggest that you... don’t write the rest?  If your scene works as a oneshot, write that oneshot!  Don’t torture yourself with a lot of writing you don’t want to do.  Most often, people end up forcing their way through 1-4 chapters, then stalling before ever reaching the Good Bit. 

A moment of silence for all of the unwritten Good Bits out there.  Now, some Enya.

If you can’t reduce Good Bit setup to a oneshot, reduce as much as possible.  I think that sometimes, people underestimate the incredible advantages of writing fanfiction?  Everyone knows your characters already, and maybe even the setting, if you keep it canon.  You can cut out the setup and dive right into what you want to do with the characters! 

-Think about the structure of your story before you start

Considering the structure of your story is a fantastic way to estimate how long it will be/ensure that there is an ending in sight from the start.  For example, in Voices, I covered a single school year in Japan, writing a diary entry for a different Chosen every day, so I knew that I would write the story for roughly a year.  After August had one chapter per Chosen, so each child could help Taichi deal with his post Adventure trauma in their own way, plus an opening and closing chapter.  My Tri story, Tri: Integrity Lens, is written and posted in installments covering each Tri movie.

It’s fine if no particular structure strikes you.  I could see forced structure turning into a gimmick, you know?  But if it naturally works out, it’s a great way to have a solid idea of how much story is ahead of you before you start, and where the story will end.  And being cognizant of how and when a story ends from chapter one yields a tighter, shorter fic, one that you’re more likely to complete.

-Consider writing in batches/sections before posting

So lately, I’ve been experimenting with how I deliver fanfic updates.  I mentioned that my Tri fic follows the Tri movies.  Each movie is covered with a few 3,000-6,000 word updates that I post every other week.  I cover an entire movie before posting any of it, and then I plan to take a break in between movies to work on either the next movie or a different fic.

AND THIS IS SO GREAT!  Having large chunks of my story written is such a fantastic way to do things!  I keep thinking of little details I can add/things I should mention and noticing inconsistencies I can fix before posting.  Giving myself a larger picture and time to mull over it by spreading out updates is making a huge difference for me.

Plus, giving yourself little breaks between installments can help keep you fresh and motivated, while leaving your audience waiting at a nice, natural stopping point.  Plus, this way they know that you haven’t just... up an vanished or dropped a story.  You’re just taking an announced break.

How do you plan stories?

I believe I mentioned hating outlines.  I personally respond best to “structured freedom.”  I focus on things like: what are my themes/what do I want to say, how will the characters grow or regress, how is this story structured or formatted, what is the overall tone and mood.  Other than that, I keep things fluid...  Which is why it’s so important for me to enforce some kind of ending point before I begin.

Basically, for me, too much planning = a boring slog where I can’t inject the moods and ideas of the day into my work without derailing meticulous plans.  Too little planning = longfic hell.  I’m guessing that everyone has to decide for themselves where they land on this continuum!  Exploration is vital.

Okay, I am out of steam for today.  If you have any other writing/fanfic questions you’d like answered, please let me know!  Here are some other resources I’ve made.

-Combating writing paralysis with successive drafts

-Dishing with an artist

-Tips for Fanfic Authors

-More Tips for Fanfic Authors

-Tips for Winning Nanowrimo

-Resources/Advice for Digimon Adventure Fanfic Writers

[sunshine-and-waffles]

2020 Book-End Review

Here it is! My 2020 Book-End Review. My only consistent New Years tradition.

HARD COPIES 

Kingdom of Copper: The second book in the Daevabad Trilogy. Female protagonist, Islamic influenced fantasy world, love stories (gay and straight). Uhg, this was so good. I literally couldn't put it down and was subsequently sleep deprived for a week. I did get a little confused with all the titles and names, but that's what google is for. I haven’t read the third book yet because I haven’t had the time to completely give myself over.

The City It The Middle of The Night- Charlie Jane Anders: Science fiction with female and non-human protagonists. Themes of colonization, the polarization of government, and human nature. It was so hard to get into, but by the end I was completely enthralled and was wishing for more.

Enchantment by Orson Scott Card: Time travel, fairytale (sleeping beauty), Jewish protagonist. It’s simple and enjoyable. I read most of it in the swimming pool :)

All The Birds in The Sky-Charlie Jane Anders: Again, Ander’s books deal with duality, only this time the duality is magic and technology. This book was easy to get into, complex, and brutal. It was so complex, I think I could read it a few more times and get something out of it each subsequent time.

The Lost Gate-Orson Scott Card:  The first book in the Mithermages series. All gods are real,  coming from an alternate world where their magic and power originates. The gate between worlds has been closed, so the gods' strength has withered. A young boy, from the norse god family, escapes their abusive clutches and discovers his special strength. Meanwhile, on the other world, a young boy observes the palace intrigue and his own powers. The plot is so strong and enjoyable. It’s easy to read, and is well written, which is such a rare quality.

Loving Across Borders: A book on how to navigate multi-cultural relationships. I was hoping this would be interesting and insightful, but I found it to be dry and obvious. The author didn’t include significant personal stories (which is what I find the most interesting and helpful). Essentially, a summary of the book is:  Communicate with people, each situation is different, and set boundaries… Duh. 

 2020 Audio Books

The Polygamist's Daughter - Anna LeBaron: A memoir told by the daughter of a cult leader. It is told from her adult perspective, remembering her childhood which is full of abuse and neglect, and then working through her trauma with a therapist at the end. It was an interesting enough story, but could probably have benefited from some editing. I honestly wouldn’t recommend it. 

The Heart Goes Last: Freaking love this book. A dystopian future where the poor and disenfranchised can sign up to live in a compound with shifts in a utopian world and then in a prison/work compound. In this setting there is love, romance, and DRAMA. I listened to it twice.

Little Fires Everywhere: Socioeconomic differences, race, art, women’s rights, mother daughter relationships, infertility, motherhood. The book is better than the show.

An Easy Death- Charlaine Harris: Book one of the Gunnie Rose series. A little western/gun slinger genre, a little magic, a little alternative history. A hot Russian magician and a female gunslinger protagonist. It’s not a great book, but I bought the second one, so I guess it was good enough.

A Longer Fall- Charlaine Harris: The second Gunnie Rose book. I actually liked this one more than the first book. The characters seemed more flushed out and the story was more complex. The ending left me wanting more, and I’m looking forward to the third book in Feb 2021.   Widdershins-Charles Delint: The follow up to The Onion Girl, the background story is a war between native spirits and fairy, while the protagonist Jilly faces the abuse she endured as a child and the guilt she carries for leaving her younger sister in the abusive home in order to survive herself.

His Majesty's Dragon: Book 1 of Temeraire. Alternative history of Napoleonic wars with DRAGONS. A sea captain unexpectedly bonds with a baby dragon, and has to change his whole life to accommodate it. I really enjoyed that this book has almost no romance. It’s just straight up about the relationship between a man and his dragon.

Throne of Jade: Book 2 of Temeraire. The Captain and the Dragon/Temeraire travel on a mission to China, where dragons are treated with respect and care.  The dragon/Temeraire is becoming more mature and the disparity between West and East is highlighted, which causes some tension between the captain and the dragon, as well as between the reader and the book (at least for me).

Black Powder War: Book 3 of Temeraire.  I gave up on this series with this book. The main human character’s inability to stand up to society and the government to demand that they treat his  his dragon (who’s basically a soulmate) as a whole and independent being was too frustrating.

Moonheart -Charles Delint: This is the third time I tried to read this book, and I didn’t finish it. I just can not get into it. I love Charles Delint, but this book isn’t for me.

Harry Potter and the Philosopher's Stone: I love Harry Potter, and with the quarantine, listening to the whole series was the best mental comfort food. Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets:Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows 

Midnight Sun: LOL, sorry not sorry. This is trash and I love trash. However, Edward is super self-pitying and creepy. I knew that from the original series, but reading it from his perspective made that feel even more clear.  I spent a lot of time making rude comments about Edward under my breath. I’d honestly listen to or read the rest of the Twilight series again, but I’d skip this one. 

The Witch's Daughter: Female protagonist, with an immortal witch, and a young female apprentice. I had to force my way through it until the last quarter, and then I was really engrossed. The ending was nicely wrapped up, and I don't feel the need to read the sequel. Interestingly, I really disliked the narrator's voice, but it was the only audiobook I’ve listened to that Kal didn't mind. (Because he hates the sound of audio book I usually use my headphones).

Too Much And Never Enough: Donald Trump’s niece exposes their shared, terrible, abusive, and sad family history. It sheds some light on who Donald Trump is as a person. The psychological background doesn’t make his actions any better, but it helped me to understand how he could be the way he is. Honestly, this book was good for my mental health. 

A Deadly Education-Naomi Novik: I LOVED THIS BOOK. In a world where the magicaly gifted are hunted by terrible monsters, magical children go to a school where they have to fight to live. It deals with how inequality in socioeconomic standing impacts students and their ability to succeed… with magic and romance.

The Betrayals: This book started a little slow. The characters are all flawed and make terrible mistakes because they are too proud. There is romance, magic, and redemption; I enjoyed the ending, but there were so many emotionally tense moments I wouldn’t say I enjoyed the book as a whole.

Caraval: Sisters escape their abusive father to become embroiled in a magical game where what is real and what is fake is unclear. Magic, romance, sisterly love, and mystery. The writing isn’t perfect, but I enjoyed the ride of this book. 

Currently Reading: 

Hard Copy: The Gate Thief, Book 2 of the Mithermage Series. 

Audiobook: Legendary, Book 2 of the Caraval Series.

Poetry: Salt

I read/listened to 29 books this year.  I'm tempted to try to finish a 30th before my 30th birthday on Monday. We'll see if I make it :)

[xsecretblastsx]

1x18 Much I do about nothing

So, here it is the final recap for S1. Once again this one took way too long, but long story short I have limited access to a laptop I’m basically only able to do this on mobile, which is not the best.

I normally do the recaps in one sitting, which takes me quite a while and it’s hard for me to find the time to do it. So going forward I’m going to try to do it a bit differently and watch the epsiode in parts, I’m hoping that will help to have the recaps out there faster.

Anyway, here’s the recap.

Thoughts I had while watching the episode

Serena calling after Dan all night... he isnt’t worthy of that but she loves him so there’s that

Rufus and Lily finally got their sexy time. Too bad is the morning of Lily’s wedding. Talk about akward.

This is one of my fave scenes of Chuck and Blair, there’s cuteness, there’s flirty banter and feisty Blair, what’s not to love.

I still want to know the story about him not removing that scarf. Just for entertaining purposes.

Nate and his dad running is a nice little call back to the early episodes of S1, which feels like ages ago.

And here we are with Dan and Georgina and Serena finally exposing her as a manipulative evil mastermind

Thanks Serena for reminding that Lily & Rufus can’t coexist with Dan and Serena 😪

That scene between Bart and Lily is actually good, he’s obviously making a point and letting her know she must make a choice, the good old days when Bart was actually a character and not a cartoon villian.

I remember thinking on my first watch while Dan and Blair are scheming, the show should make them snarky friends that would be fun. 😪

Seriously Dan and ‘Sarah’ have known each other for how long and they already have “their spot” guys are the worst

“Humphrey you’re a born liar” you don’t even know the half of it Blair

As much as I love Blair and this iconic line “haven’t you heard, I’m the crazy bitch around here” I still can’t believe that aftet plotting the whole night with Chuck their plan was just ratting her out to her parents.

Sorry Jenny but that dress Vanessa is wearing is awful. Actually I’m not a fan of Blair’s dress either. Anyway everything is a tad better with ‘Time to pretend’ playing in the background, overplayed as it was I still love it.

Also Blair and Chuck again with the flirty bantering, reminiscing a bit about that first time and Chuck getting kicked. Quality content all around.

I don’t know about Serena but luckily for Blair twenty years in the future she won’t be on her fourth husband

I always hated that “I didn’t sleep with Georgina, but I may as well have” like first of all what does that even mean. Second it’s so frustating because it feels like the show went through great lengths to keep Dan as the “good guy” on this particular situation, and that wasn’t fair to Serena.

Even though I know this is only the end of S1 and there’s more to come I’ll forever be bitter about Rufus and Lily not being together. I do like the bittersweet note of this particular moment though.

Rufly aside I have such a soft spot for the Van der Basses. Sure it was far from perfect but still.

That earlier bit between Nate and Chuck with the captain pointing out that whoever the girl they’re fighting about ain’t worth it and Chuck agreeing and Nate saying that’s the problem may seem like another of Chuck douchbag smarmy moments, but I actually like how it sort of makes sense later in the episode, because is only when Chuck admits the truth to Nate about how he felt about Blair, that Nate not only finally listens to him about the captain, but is also willing to have his friend back.

Poor Nate, always being let down by his father, at least he got to make his point, even if he had to punch his dad (again) to do it.

Even though Blair is on full bitch mode towards Vanessa, she ain’t actually wrong about Nate: endless family drama and never getting over Serena.

Nate and Chuck’s friendship isn’t as larger than life as Blair and Serenas, but is one I still love, and finally is back on. Also Nate’s amused and surprised smile about Chuck’s feelings for Blair is priceless. Chuck’s reaction too, how con someone be smug and shy at the same time?

Dan makes me want to scream like what bullshit is thid “i got seduced by a girl who was pretending to someone else and you knew” so somehow that’s Serenad fault? “I am the most understanding person in the world” Excuse me!!! In what universe, like honestly Dan just shut up.

The fact that this show actually has Serena saying “we are exactly we were at the Bass brunch when we started dating I wasn’t the person you thought I was and you can’t forgive that” and then Dan just sidetracks and claims a lot has happen... and we’re only on season one

Beside the fact that I love the scene of Chuck’s speech while he’s looking at Blair, this line is so spot on “in the face of true love you don’t give up, even if the object of your affection is begging you to” the whole speech is basically the abreviated version of the Chuck and Blair story.

Serena’s is in her own cloud of missery and yet she still makes a face when she sees Chuck and Blair are kissing 😂

Chuck Bass is a romantic, and that’s all that matters 😉.

As much as I’m not sad about Dan and Serena breaking up, it is kind of sad watching them have a last dance with ‘the ice’s getting thinner” playing in the background (such a good song btw)

I had honestly forgot about Jenny for a bit here.

I feel so robbed because they just skip a week and we didn’t got to see any of it, like Chuck being a complete gentlemen? C’mon! Anyway Blair’s traveling outfit is almos customy, nevermind I still love it, it also helps how fears about helicopters aside, she’s excited she’s about the Tuscany trip,

I remember the first time I was like so that’s the end of Nate and Vanessa? How swift. Not that I mind because that scene between Nate and Serena was so promising about summer and the Hamptons... but that’s a rant for S2

The way Bart can’t help but messing up Chuck’s head, even if he doesn’t try to, though whith Bart one never knows. Fun fact: the first time I watched this episode when Chuck goes after Amelia I literally screamed to the screen: “NO!!!’ You idiot”.

So that’s a wrap on Season 1! It was such a fun ride and I’m going to miss it. This last episode was really packed, it also felt quite long for some reason. It also ends with every major ship on the outs, which sucks a bit but it’s also a great set up for season 2.

First there’s Dan and Serena, who call it quits because for the last few episodes their relationship has been a constance struggle of secret and lies. One could make the point that their relationship was always dishonest by Dan’s secret identity as gossip girl, god knows I’ve been ranting about that the whole season particularly the last episode, because in principle is very hypocrital of Dan to be so mad about Serena’s lies when he’s keeping the biggest secret of all. But since she doesn’t know this the whole discussion is centered about her mistakes... Serena makes the very valid (and true) point that Dan can’t forgive her for not being who he thought she was, and this is something that’s going to keep being an issue for them the whole show, but for this particular break up the other big issue is lack of trust

Trust is the key point in a relationship and how can Dan trust Serena if she lies and hides stuff, they can’t have a relationship that way, even if she has come clean about her past who’s not to say if they come across another issue Serena will be honest this time and not hide and try to handle it on her own, truth is she most likely will, (she does act this way in future seasons) but what I would like to point out is that as much as Dan can’t trust her now, Serena actually never trusted him, not in the sense that he would spill her secrets but rather that she didn’t trust him not to judge her and she also didn’t trust that he would still love her if he knew everything about her. And in her mind he proves her right that’s why she points out they’re having the same argument they had at the Bass brunch and even so (sadly) Serena still wants to work through this and Dan is the one that says no, let’s break up. I don’t disagree with him is better for them to be separated but I ‘m petty and so I kind of hate he’s the one in his high horse breaking up with her, when he almost cheated on her with Georgina and even has the nerve to be like “i only did that because you cheated on me and you’re a liar and you let me get involved with a psycho” and it’s just hell no Dan! First of all no one force you to do anything, and also how long did he knew this girl Sarah and they already have “their spot” like that’s on you, and I’m not even mentioning how this argument of the psycho pretty much destroys itself when one remember he’s gossip girl so... who’s the most twisted manipulative one there. I would have issues with Dan and Serena even if he wasn’t Gossip Gilr, but the fact that he is... seriously he’s one devious guy.

Also not a fan of the show going out of their way to keep Dan’s nice guy image, they keep teasing his night with Georgina and then they decide to be light, well he didn’t actually slept with her, the intention was there, but he didn’t because he’s good Dan and sex is meaningful for him, so it’s a big deal for him, but still he was nice and faithful. Sorry but no, have him cheat, everyone else in this show makes questionable decisions and surely the UES changes Dan, so I would like for the show to embrace, they eventualy show it, but they had the space to start to show it much earlier, also just for the record sex with Dan was meaningful for Serena, it wasn’t something she had really experienced before, and it was pointed out earlier in the season, so sex it’s not only meaningful for Dan.

Other two relationships have a quick death this episode: Rufly & Nate and Vanessa. The later gets set aside almost like and afterthought which was dissapointing because it was like why bother then in the first place? Also I actually like their interactions and Vanessa while still judgemental makes and effort for Nate to be more understanding and in turn allows her to show different sides of her character and that’s nice. Then we have that scene between Nate and serena and it’s iluminatinhg, because at list at this point it looke like the show wanted to set something up there and it’s like finally! let’s unravel this (and then...😪 but that’s a rant for the next recap). Rufly on the other hand I like how it went, it felt natural and yet sad because basically they don’t take their chance because they feel that boat sailed a long time ago, it’s been 20 years, and they could have stolen moments, but more than that is just not possible, doesn’t seem like it could work at this stage of their lifes, and while it’s exciting to take the plunge I totally get why they didn’t here.

Finally there’s Chuck and Blair, and me screaming into infinity. Don’t get me wrong I love this episode and even when I still was like No Chuck you idiot! In some ways it needed to happen. Or at least some version of it, but I’m getting ahead of myself. What I love about this episode is all their flirty banter, their chemistry shines through every single scene they have, and they truly make me think of much ado about nothing, i like the back and forth and the obvious subtext of how much they truly like each other, and one can also tell how this is exciting for them, these thing between it’s a first for both of them for him it’s the first time he wanted more from a girl, he yearns for her in a way he never has feel before, he feels, he’s in love, and to her is quite a heady experience to be so openly wanted by someone, she doesn’t even have to try, to force it like she did Nate whose eyes were always following her best friend, Chuck’s eyes follow her and no else. For a minute there they take the plunge, armed with having his best friend back and getting a family Chuck’s goes for it via a best man speech and an apology. He’s a romantic at heart and he wants her to know, and she can’t resist it and goes for it to.

We’re robbed from that week they’re together after that night and is such a shame because while I feel internally each of them have acknowledged they’re in love with each other, there’s a difference between falling in love with someone and actually loving someone, and I feel this is the time that while they obviously don’t speak about it, I don’t even think they fully realized then but they truly fell for each other to the point where it was never the same again. It’s a scary thought, and it’s Bart who brings those fears to the front of Chuck’s mind, the guy is scared to death, is not only because the change of going from womanizing playboy to boyfriend seems monumental for a guy like him but more importantly Chuck’s someone who believes the worst of himself, and it wasn’t a big deal for him, because to eyes of the person whose opinion matters the most to him he’s alreayd a failure and that’s not got to change, but Blair is his second thoughest critic, what she thinks matters and unlike Bart she actually believes he has it in him, to be whatever he wants to and Bart’s words make him think of the expectations Blair may have of him now, and the thought of proving her wrong, he doesn’t want her to see that, and sure he’s going to fail and she’ll hate him for it... and that would be it. So better to end it now, on his terms while he’s the one in control of the situation and put a stop to it.

Bottom line he ain’t ready for it at all, he actually won’t be for a long time, and because of this is going to take Blair a lot of time too to be ready for it. Is what I like about Chuck’s best man speech at first glance is his way to tell Blair he feels something for her and he wants her to give him, them the chance to be something. It’s a plight at heart. It also works perfectly as a summary of what their relationship will be for a while. That no matter what, they love each other, theirs is true love and even if it’s hard almost impossible at times, they can’t give up, and that when one of them wants to throw the towel there’s the other one to remind them of why is worth it in the end.

The game between them is really about to start, here we go S2.

Random bits I’ve noticed:

Chuck lightly squeezing his dad’s arm when Lily’s almost at the end of the altar warmed my heart.

[just-dreaming-marvel]

CHAPTER TWO - THE PARTY

LEGACY: A Tony Stark Daughter Story

MASTERLIST

< previous

Word Length: 1,900ish

Summary: Tony hosts a party. Bailey gives Steve the promised dance.

I spent the next few days hiding out on my floor, working on my assignments. I only came out when Nat would force me train with her in the mornings. I tried to get out of it, but she’s terrifying if you don’t do what she’s asked. I also wanted to impress Tony with my work ethic by training and doing homework. I also believed that I needed to socialize and dress up nicely, even if there wasn’t going to be anyone my age at the party. When I had finished everything that was due that week, I worked ahead. Saturday rolled around and my head was hurting from all the homework. It was getting closer to the party, so I went looking for Tony. Of course, I found him in the lab. I quietly walked in, so I wouldn’t disrupt him. It seemed like he was in his head, I had a feeling that it had something to do with the last mission. 

“What did we miss?” He asked.

“I’ll continue to run variations on the interface,” JARVIS responded, “But you should probably prepare for your guests. I’ll notify you if there are any developments.” What is JARVIS talking about? What is Tony working on? Nat told me that him and Bruce had hardly been out of the lab since they brought the scepter back. What was the big project they were working so hard on?

“Thanks, buddy.” Tony said turning around to face the entrance.

“Enjoy yourself, sir.” 

“I always do.” Tony began walking towards the doors, the lights automatically turning off behind him.

“And I really hope I do too,” I commented, popping out from behind the corner.

“Holy crap, Bailey!” He exclaimed, putting his hand over his heart. “You almost gave me a heart attack.”

“Whatever.” I scoffed. We started heading down the stairs and to our floors. “So, I finished everything and even got ahead. Can I please come to the party?” He gave me a sideways glance and I gave the best puppy dog eyes my green eyes could muster. “I really need to socialize.” 

“You do socialize.”

“I need to be able to socialize with people besides the team.”

“Fine…” He grudgingly gave in.

I quickly wrapped my arms around him and kissed his cheek. “Thank you, thank you, thank you!”

“Now hurry and get ready. You’re going to be my date tonight since Pepper won’t be able to make it.”

I squealed with excitement as I ran off to my floor. I already had picked out the outfit I wanted to wear. I quickly ran into my closet and grabbed my favorite black dress. 

 It was form fitting but not too tight. It had short sleeves and went to my knees. I grabbed my white vans to go with it. Before getting dressed, I looked in the mirror. My sandy hair was not naturally curling the way I wanted it to. I quickly put some dry shampoo in it, brushed through it, and straightened it. I then changed and headed to the main living area where the party was being held. People were already there. 

I paused at the top of the stairs to see what everyone was doing. Steve and his friend Sam were playing pool, Thor was talking to some old Veterans about some adventure he had been on, Rhodey and Nat were chatting on the couch, Helen and Clint were chatting on the balcony, and Bruce was awkwardly walking around trying to get the courage to talk to Nat. They have a thing for each other but Nat is a super spy who hides her feelings and Bruce is a nerd who’s scared of his own shadow. 

 I smiled as I felt an arm link with mine. I looked over to see Tony smiling down at me. 

“You look beautiful,” he quietly complemented me. “You’re not leaving my side all night.”

“We’re at a party, you’re hosting, at our house,” I reminded him, “No one’s going to even get a chance to try anything.” Tony led us down the stairs and began guiding us through the crowds of people. “Plus, I’m pretty sure I can do worse to them.”

Tony smirked and led us over to the bar. He took a drink from the bar tender, as Thor, Maria, and Rhodey made their ways over to the bar as well. They each grabbed a drink and the bar tender handed me a water. Then Rhodey began to tell one of his War Machine stories.

“Well, you know,” he said, already in the middle of the story since I ignored the first half of it. “The suit can take the weight, right? So I take the tank, fly it right up to the General’s palace, drop it at his feet. I’m like ‘Boom. You looking for this?'” I gave him a sad smile and looked over to find Tony and Thor staring at him blankly, waiting for something more from the story. 

 “Boom. Are you looking.. Why do I even talk to you guys? Everywhere else that story kills.”

“That’s the whole story?” Thor asked.

“It was a good story,” I tried to comfort him as I gave his arm a gentle pat.

“Yeah, it’s a War Machine story.” Rhodey stated.

“Well, it’s very good then,” Thor laughed. “It’s impressive.”

“Quality save.” Rhodey said. “So, no Pepper? She’s not coming?”

“No.” Tony answered.

“What about Jane?” Maria asked. “Where are the ladies, gentlemen?”

“Um..” I quietly rose my hand. “I’m here.” Nobody seemed to care.

“Well, Ms. Potts has a company to run,” Tony answered.

“Yes, I’m not even sure what country Jane’s in.” Thor responded. “Her work on the convergence has made her the world’s foremost astronomer.”

“And the company that Pepper runs is the largest tech conglomerate on earth. It’s pretty exciting.”

“There’s even talk of Jane getting a.. um, uh, Nobel prize.” 

Maria and I rolled our eyes at each other, shaking our heads. “Yeah, they.. they must be busy because they’d hate missing you guys get together.” Maria said.

“Testosterone.” I fake coughed. It got me the evil eye from both Tony and Thor. “Oh, excuse me.” 

“Let’s go.” Rhodey turned to Maria. They linked arms and walked away.

“But Jane’s better.” Thor stated as Tony took another sip of his drink. 

“Well, this has been fun boys,” I said slowly backing away from them. “But I’m going to go and mingle.”

I walked away from them and into the crowd. It’s so awkward at events like these. I’ve gone to a few before, but since nobody knows who I really am, it’s always confusing on what to tell people. I usually tell them that I’m an intern at Stark Industries and that I help Tony in the lab. Which isn’t exactly a lie. I tell them that my name is Bailey and usually can avoid giving out a last name. I walked around the room just looking at everything and every one. I saw Steve and Sam up in the loft looking over everything and chatting. I smiled and waved at Steve. He smiled and waved back. I continued my walk around the party, avoiding talking to anyone, for most of the night. There were some men that tried to flirt with me, but as soon as they started, they stopped. Each time, I could tell that Tony was behind me probably threatening them. 

Rhodey ended up telling his story again to a group of guests and got the reaction he wanted. Thor gave Steve some Asgardian alcohol, they’re both lucky that Steve can’t get drunk. I was staring at the group of drunk veterans, trying Thor’s liquor, when Steve stopped in front of me. He tapped his foot against mine and cleared his throat to get my attention. (6&7&5)

“Hey Steve,” I smiled. “What can I help you with?”

“I believe you promised me a dance,” he replied, holding out his hand.

“I did. But Steve,” I glanced around the room, “no one else is dancing.”

“So?” He reached down and took my hand. “Let’s go.” 

He pulled me up and led me to the middle of the open area. People were surrounding us, mingling with one another. There was music softly playing in the background, but not necessarily the type you dance to. Steve turned to that we were facing each other, slipping one hand around to my back and fixing the other that was already gripping onto my hand. I hesitantly rested my free hand on his shoulder. Steve and I had been in close proximity before, but not like this. I was praying that Steve and his advanced hearing, couldn’t hear my heart pounding inside my chest.

“How’s your night been, B?” Steve asked, guiding us gently around in a circle. “The party everything you hoped it would be?”

“It’s been great,” I answered. “I’ve just enjoyed not being locked up.”

“Locked up?” He rose a questioning eyebrow. “You know you’re not a prisoner, right?”

“I know. But my father can be over protective.”

“He just wants to make sure that you’re kept safe.” Steve’s eyes met mine. “As do I.” I looked away as I felt my cheeks began to heat up. “Though I do believe that you’re much stronger than anyone wants to believe.”

“Like ready for a real mission strong?” I gave him a smirk as I eyed him from the side.

“I did already say that, didn’t I?” He shook his head. “I shouldn’t say things like that when I don’t have permission to.”

“You are the Captain of the team, are you not?”

“Don’t try to trick me into letting you on a mission it’s not gonna work.”

“Dang it. And here I thought you wrapped around my finger.” I playfully smirked up at him.

“Don’t doubt it, doll.”

He suddenly spun me out, causing me to shriek in happy surprise, and spun me back into him. Steve laughed as he did. People looked over at us, some of them clearly judging us. But neither of us cared. When I was back in front of him, he held me closer than he had before. My heart was pounding harder. Our eyes met, and I thought I saw his quickly glance down at my lips before he dropped my hand and stepped back. I was hurt a little by the sudden action and confused.

“Thank you for the dance, Miss Stark,” he bowed, trying to defuse the awkward tension by playing around.

“Thank you, Captain,” I curtsied.

He gave me a small smile. “I’m going to go back to making my rounds.” He began walking backwards. “I’ll see you later.”

“Yeah,” I nodded as he turned around. “See ya later.”

As the party started winding down, I found a spot on a couch to continue my people watching. I noticed Nat behind the bar and Bruce with her. She was flirting and he was… well he was trying to. It was cute but also sort of sad. I smirked as I watched Nat walk away and Steve talk to Bruce about what just happened. It was great to see everyone getting along and happy, if only it were to stay that way. 

next >

[gii-heylittleangel]

Just The Way You Are

Written for the @writersofdestiel bingo, square “Body Image Issues”. | 1.5k | Self-Esteem Issues | Destiel 

Read it on AO3

When Dean opened the door, the silence inside the house was almost deafening, which was all kinds of weird for him; first, because the house was hardly ever quiet with the dogs and the cats; second, there was practically always some music playing in the background, even if it was almost low enough for him not to hear it; and, third, Cas would usually be home at this point and he was more often than not huddled on the carpet with a cat and a book, reading out loud without realizing. The silence freaked Dean out as he put his bag on the floor and kicked his shoes off, because he didn’t know what had happened; he searched inside his brain to remember if Cas had said something about being late in the morning but there was nothing. Cas was supposed to be home as always and not seeing him there made Dean’s heart squeeze painfully.

He walked around the house, looking for Cas on the first floor; not in the kitchen — the food hadn’t been touched at all — nor in the living room nor in the office. Dean then walked upstairs and the first thing he saw was the cats and the dogs staring at the closed door of his and Cas’s room. They turned when they heard Dean and one of the cats—Bee, by Cas’s choice—pawed at the door and meowed, staring at Dean with what he could only call sadness. He pet them before slowly opening the door, all darkness but the light on in the bathroom. 

Dean closed the door without letting them inside and walked to the bathroom. At first glance, he almost thought it was empty until he noticed the curled form of Cas on the floor in front of the mirror. Dean could see his shoulders shaking softly, he could hear the little sobs that came out of his mouth, along with sniffles. He didn’t lose any time before hurrying to Cas’s side and dropping to his knees, arms circling Cas as he shushed him, pressing Cas against him tightly.

“Hey, sweetheart, it’s okay, it’s okay.” Dean held him tightly, placing kisses on Cas’s hair and whispering whatever comfort words he could find — even if they didn’t mean anything. 

Cas turned to bury his face on Dean’s chest, hands fisting in his shirt and pulling him closer. Dean ran his hand up and down Cas’s back, feeling the shivers from Cas’s painful sobs as he did. Dean had no idea what had happened to cause Cas so much distress and he had no idea what to do either; it hurt him to see Cas like that and not know what to do. 

Cas also didn’t say anything, just held onto Dean as if his life depended on it, fingers curled on Dean’s shirt and head pressed tightly against his chest, Cas’s tears soaking through Dean’s shirt. Dean wanted to do something, anything that could help Cas, but he had no idea what, not without knowing what had happened first.

He pulled himself from Cas carefully, holding Cas away from him just enough so he could look into his eyes, one hand on Cas’s cheek. Cas avoided his look, keeping his gaze locked on his hands on Dean’s shirt, lower lip painfully locked between his teeth — Dean was sure it was close to drawing blood. Dean ran his hand through Cas’s hair, pulling the strands away from his face, and placed a hand under Cas’s chin, forcing it softly up so he could look at his eyes.

Dean placed a chaste kiss on his lips before asking, “What happened, babe?”

Cas’s eyes dropped down again, a single tear rolling down his cheek. Dean cleaned it with his thumb and rubbed Cas’s cheekbone as he waited. His gaze didn’t leave Cas for even a second and he could see Cas gathering enough strength to tell him; his shoulders were tense, his mouth opened and closed a few times, and the hold on Dean’s shirt only grew stronger. Dean didn’t push him though, letting Cas take his time, and kept his hold on Cas’s back and a hand on his cheek, softly running his thumb along his cheekbone.

When Cas finally told him what had happened, it wasn’t anything Dean would’ve liked to hear, though he had a bunch of times before; someone had said something about Cas’s appearance, saying he didn’t get x or y because he didn’t have the looks for it. It pissed Dean off so much — as it always did — that his vision started to get tingled with red, but then Cas sobbed again and collapsed against Dean, and Dean forgot all about his anger — he would very much rather take care of Cas. He circled his arms around Cas again, placing his head on top of Cas’s, and started whispering comfort words again.

The sobs seemed to be ripped from Cas, painful and hard, and Dean couldn’t help but feel it inside him; just seeing Cas like that was enough to break his heart in million pieces, and hearing his painful sobs was even harder — even though it never got any easier. Cas had been dealing with body image issues ever since they were kids and Dean had always been there to help as much as he could; distract Cas with anything else, reassure Cas when he was more than ever believing others’ words, and tell him, over and over again, how amazing and beautiful he was, but, still, it never got easier — it would actually get harder for Cas to actually believe Dean.

Dean pulled away again, cleaning the tear tracks on Cas’s cheeks, and held his head between his hands. “Cas, babe, you know that I love you, right?” Cas nodded as he sniffled, not meeting Dean’s eyes. “Hey, look at me. It’s just you and me, sweetheart, no one else.” Cas’s eyes raised hesitantly until they met Dean’s and Dean smiled. “I know this has been a tough subject to you since for-fuckin’-ever and that still is. I know it’s hard for you and that you do your best to be happy in your own skin when almost all of the world wants you to feel bad. I’ve always done the best I could to help with it and show you how much I love you.” Dean put his legs around Cas, pulling him into his lap. “You wanna know why I always go with you in all of your marathons and follow you on your crazy ass diets?” Cas nodded slightly, hands playing with the collar of Dean’s shirt. “Because I love you so freakin’ much and I wanna support you through everything you do. Not because I think you need it, it was never because of that. I think you’re great and perfect whatever it is the way you look because that isn’t what’s most important about you. You’re smart and caring and adorable,” Dean cleaned the few tears that escaped Cas’s eyes, staring deep into them to show the truth. “I love you ‘cause you help people whenever they need, you see the good in them when they don’t see it themselves, and you don’t hesitate once in putting others before yourself. You have so many great qualities and I admire you so much. You make me wanna be a better person because you are amazing and I want to be able to be the same to you, ‘cause you only deserve the best. I don’t care how you look as long as you’re healthy and happy with who you are.” Cas’s eyes filled with more tears and his lips started trembling. “I wish you could see yourself the way I do, cause, angel, you’re the prettiest son of a bitch I’ve ever seen in my entire life and I look at the mirror every day.” That managed to get a small smile from Cas as he stared into Dean’s eyes. “But I’m serious, Cas; I love you just the way you are and I hate seeing you suffering because of other people. They are a bunch of idiots that couldn’t see something perfect even if it knocked them out of their feet and kicked their asses.”

Dean even gave him a smile but Cas’s reaction wasn’t what Dean was expecting: Cas started to cry again, burying his face in Dean’s chest and sobbing as he closed his hands on Dean’s shirt.

Panic ran through Dean’s veins as he tried to fix his screw up. “C’mon, babe, don’t cry. I didn’t want to make you cry, I’m so sorry.”

Cas shook his head softly, raising it slowly to look at Dean with a small smile. “I love you so much, Dean. I don’t even know what I would do without you. And I wish I didn’t feel the way I do, but I can’t help myself.”

“And that’s totally okay, babe.” Dean placed a kiss on his lips, keeping their foreheads pressed together. “I’ll be here for you anyway. If you wanna change, I’ll be here for you as I’ve always been. And I’ll continue to be by your side through any and everything that comes our way. Forever.”

Cas smiled against his lips. “I know you will. I love you.”

“I love you too. More than anything.”

[popwasabi]

How some stoners named “Harold & Kumar” made Asian Americans proud

Being Asian American can make you feel invisible at times or worst, the butt of every bad joke.

Sure, lots of Americans love Asian things like sushi, kung fu, anime, and tacky calligraphy tattoos that don’t mean what they say they mean but they don’t particularly care about having the people themselves present or even represented.

And typically when we are represented it tends to look like this.

Or this.

Or this.

(I said what I SAID!)

Now Asian Americans are not by any stretch the most marginalized or even the least represented people in the larger American cultural diaspora, but they’re fairly consistently forgotten or grossly stereotyped in our media regardless and this has larger consequences. Representation is important because it makes a people’s presence known to the larger majority.

Our pop culture has unfortunately played a role in erasing, appropriating, and misrepresenting Asian folk. An action movie may feature a white actor with extreme martial arts skills fighting in Hong Kong but might not have a single prominent Asian voice throughout the plot and those that do are typically gross caricatures. The Cyberpunk genre loves Asian aesthetics from its Tokyo inspired neon lighting, futurist cityscape, and ramen carts abound but boy, is the populace typically dominantly white.

(I love this movie but considering how many Asian things and aesthetic choices there are in it would it have killed Denis Villeneuve to have at least ONE background Asian person??)

It’s not shocking then that 2004’s stoner comedy classic “Harold & Kumar” starts with a pair of white dudes beginning their own adventure by leaving one of the titular heroes in the dust to do their dirty work because “Asians love math” or something. Despite not being a stoner, at the time at least, I related hard to this movie and its characters as the film touched on a number of triggers I had growing up.

2004 was a formative year for me as an Asian American. For the first time ever, my history classes were touching on Asian culture with discussions on Japanese feudalism which awakened a deep sense of pride I didn’t know I had at the time. I was watching NHK samurai dramas about Miyamoto Musashi and later the Shinsengumi which led to me begin training in kendo. Anime had suddenly become more mainstream with the premiere of Shonen Jump and pirated subtitled anime littering all of YouTube. But more importantly, and distressingly, I became more aware of my identity because it was increasingly getting called out as I was getting older.

I’ve been labeled a number of different pejoratives growing up through my teens.

“Nerd.”

“Weirdo.”

“Loser”

But none cut deeper than “Chinese boy.”

I’m not Chinese, of course, in fact I’m half white and half Japanese but try telling the various ignorant lunkheads I knew growing up to respect and differentiate between them all. Hell, better yet tell them I’m just as American as they are too.

Being labeled “Chinese” hit a very personal chord with me. To lots of Americans, unfortunately, we’re all “Chinese” and the various qualities that make each of our cultures unique are inconsequential to them. We AAPI’s all individually take a measure of pride in those unique qualities and to have it all sequestered under a blanket “Chinese” label was beyond insulting.

(And I don’t care what you tell me or how much you hate China’s government, this is a THOUSAND percent a dog whistle.)

For Asian Americans, there have been various ways one reacts to these insults. Some of course, who learned confidence at a younger age, would shrug it off or ignore it, some would outright resent it but for me at least it only made me dig my heels in deeper. Yeah, I’m Asian, so fuck you!

That energy is deep “Harold & Kumar Go To White Castle” as these two Asian American characters not only navigate a crazy night of searching for an open White Castle to satisfy their stoner cravings but also confront various microaggressions from outside and within the Asian community.

Harold, of course, struggles with his confidence. He can’t stand up for himself when the aforementioned two white bros from the start of the film saddle him with extra work. He laments doing the typical Asian thing of being too passive when confronted by authority. He can’t find the will to ask the girl next door out because again he sees himself as an impotent Asian guy unwilling to make the first move. The whole movie he struggles with his inner feelings because he’s been taught and programmed to a certain extent to be timid because that’s the Asian identity.

Meanwhile, Kumar’s character is about resisting conformity to those same stereotypes but in the worst ways. He co-opts black and hip-hop culture as seen in his messy apartment room. He fights his dad who is forcing him to take his doctor's exam, something he doesn’t want. Generational pressure is common in all cultures but it’s an entirely different animal when it comes to the Asian upbringing. Kumar embodies this resist from beginning to the end of the film and though he does decide to take the test, it’s important that he chooses to do it, not his dad, and certainly not because he’s Indian. He decides that choosing to be a great doctor doesn’t mean he is becoming a stereotype because his identity is not just about being Asian.

(Every Asian kid has heard their parent make an unintentional innuendo.)

Harold and Kumar’s differing approaches create a charming pair for the film to bounce off as Kumar’s brashness often lands them in trouble and Harold’s timid demure keeps them down in its own way and the two finally come together when Kumar learns to understand the difference between conformity and choice and Harold learns conformity doesn’t define him.

Both characters confront all kinds of microaggressions against their identity throughout the film. Cops making fun of their names. The extreme sports bros making every racist joke every Asian kid has every heard growing up at them. All Asian Americans have grown up wanting to deliver the perfect comeback or “fuck you” moment against these types of people and when our heroes triumph and put them all in their place there is undeniable catharsis as it happens for everyone who has seen this movie.

(Seriously, there isn’t a more satisfying good triumphing over evil moment in film for me than the conclusion of this particular plot.)

The movie confronts stereotypes in more ways than one though. Throughout the movie Harold and Kumar are confronted by a situation that makes them think it’ll go one direction but ends up (usually comedically) the opposite. Harold and Kumar try to hook up with two beautiful transfer students who turn out to have horrible bowel issues. Harold is reluctant to go to the Asian American club party because even he believes in his own ethnic stereotypes of them but it turns out it’s a banger of a party with plenty of weed to boot. Harold and Kumar are picked up by a lonesome, disfigured tow truck driver and are shocked to find he’s married to a beautiful woman. And the aforementioned extreme sports bros turn out to love cheesy pop music and romantic songs.

Basically, the whole movie is about giving a big middle finger to all our preconceived notions we have about identity and it's brilliant.

(Nothing wrong with cheesy pop music, of course.)

“Harold & Kumar” is great for other reasons too. John Cho and Kal Penn still play greatly off each other. There’s plenty of great one-liners sprinkled between each scene. The entire journey to find White Castle burgers in the middle of the night is a fairly genius premise for a stoner comedy still. And Neil Patrick Harris playing “himself” is still iconic.

Parts of the movie haven’t aged, well of course. There’s some bad gross-out humor, some lazy gay panic jokes and not to mention some sexist quips that don’t land well in 2020. Also, let’s just not talk about the sequels.

(I still find this scene amusing though.)

That said, “Harold & Kumar’s” first film in this munchie saga is not only a grade-A stoner flick but simply one of the best films ever when it comes to bringing that much needed representation of the time to Asian Americans. Watching Harold & Kumar stick it to their annoying white antagonists while delivering a “fuck you” to every racist joke I ever heard growing up is still cathartic as hell and made me feel proud to be Asian American during a turbulent time for myself growing up.

Though it’s not Masterpiece Theater by any stretch, Harold & Kumar will always hold a special place in my heart and remains forever “high” on my list of favorite movies of all-time.

Happy 4/20, y’all!

[borisbubbles]

Eurovision 2010s: 15 - 11

15. Ieva Zasimauskaitė - “When we’re old” Lithuania 2018

[2018 Review here]

~wen wir owld HOOOOOOOOOOOO~

So close to the endgame it’s time to open all of the emotional registers. Much like Hovi, I did not expect to love Ieva as much as I do, however unlike Hovi I had already fully embraced Ieva and “When we’re old” long before rehearsals started.

And for good reason because Ieva fucking disarms me every time without fail. She herself is of course a hilarious, relatably weirdo indie girl, this time in the guise of a Born Again Hindu who ~FELT A COSMIC PRESENCE~ on the stage with her. 😍 Telling the true story of how she overcame depression by falling in love with her hubby. Flanked by holograms that project Ieva’s life dream: to be happy and grow old with the love of her life. All my hopeless romantic triggers are activated by this song. ALL OF THEM.

People are generally divided on Ieva’s voice, but um hello welcome to BorisBubbles. I ranked Nina Kralic and Jana Burcheska hellow-high. I LOVE Ieva’s husky, nasal, ovine, falsetto whine of a voice. It makes “When we’re old” for me. Ieva injects so much vulnerability and authenticity into a song that whenever she performs it, all I can do is sit in silence, tears welling up in my eyes, bleating along with the WHAOHHHHHs. Time truly stands still during “When we’re old” and I’m speechless.

________________________________________________________________

14. Conchita Wurst - “Rise like a phoenix” Austria 2014

You can be damn’ sure the highest ranked powerballad on this list is “Rise like a phoenix”. It isn’t as much as a song as it is an INSTITUTION. 

Which is why, symbollically, “Phoenix” is a very important winner. It’s a plight for overcoming hate, for overcoming bullying, from being yourself in the face and of adversity and rising from the ashes reborn, reinvented, reinvigorated. Its presentation is provocative, yet secondary, putting vocals and song on the foreground. It is rooted in the political zeitgeist of its winners, like most modern winners, obviously, 

however, ask yourself this:

Would “Phoenix” have won if it hadn’t been a great performance of a great song? 

I don’t think it would have. Take away the powerful composition and leave just the politically correct message, and you get Bilal Hassani. Take away the beard and you have, well, a really good song bond theme by a talented vocalist, that probably would’ve finished top ten, if not top five in most years. 

It’s easy to get distracted by Tom’s stick because a “Bearded drag queen” provides a lot of cognitive dissonance, which I personally love because it forces me to think, keeping my mind sharp. The use of a gimmick does NOT cheapen the talent on display here, however. Tom’s delivery of the song is flawless, hitting every note, delivering both ‘feminine’ nuturing comfort and ‘masculine’ strength to his glorious song. He even throws in some small nuggets of fierceness, providing levity, reminding us of Conchita’s drag queen roots

The act is cut from the same professional cloth; it is maybe a tad provocative, but at it’s core it remains dignified and classy, maintaining a moral high ground that instantly sheds a bad light on any hater. You may pull her down, but she’s gonna FLYYYYY.

Conchita Wurst is the best winner of this decade, period. No winning performance is as ironclad, vocally, musically or stagingwise as hers. No other winner has shown as much raw performance talent as she has. No winner has been able to make such a statement while at their core maintaining a high-quality musical standard. No winner has been such a champion of those whose voices are trampled for being different. To use Conchita’s own words after she won: “WE ARE UNITY. AND *WE* ARE UNSTOPPABLE.” 

________________________________________________________________

13. Zlata Ognevich - “Gravity” Ukraine 2013

This is the last female fronted act from 2013, you know what that means: EPIC ENTRANCE TIME 😍

What a beautiful dreamscape. I felt bad ranking Elina Nechayeva in a fairly low 39th place, but honestly, “Gravity” vibes very similarly and does the same things a lot better: Breathtakingly regal woman, a mirage of near-divine grace, stunning visual effects... SIGN ME UP ALREADY. At the core we of course find Zlata, the winner of the Best Human Award in 2013. Zlata’s backstage bits were rife with personality facts that instantly endeared her to me. A praraphrased selection from her infinitely quotable interview gold: ”I PRACTICE BIG VOICE BY HOLDING BREATH UNDERWATER”; “I COME FROM PLACE IT’S CALLED CRIMEA, IS LARGE ::reads from online dictionary:: PEN...EEN...SYOO..LA(?) WITH BIG MOUNTAIN AND LARGE SEA ^_^”; “I LOVE UNICORN IS FAVOURITE ANIMAL”. GODDESS. 😍

Fortunately her overpoweringly loud, yet disarmingly weird personality is also omnipresent during her big screen performance. “Gravity” is a mirage of Disney mojo and Zlata absolutely fucking hits it like A SHTRIKE OF DUNDAR

I don’t think I’ve ever listened to a song that is legit quotable at every interval? There is not a single line in “Gravity” that doesn’t bring out the bedroom karaoke: “IMMA LIIIKA BADDERFLYYYYY.” “NOTHING COMES FROM PRIDE, -*HAYLALE*” “NOW I FEEL NO FEEEEE-AAAAAAR.“

And I’m not even done because Gravity ALSO features an excellent backing choir (the male backing vocalist is incredible). It’s just a perfect example of world music, conjuring three minutes of pure, unicorn-endorsed magic. IMMA LIIIKE A BADDERFLYYYYY. 🦋

________________________________________________________________

12. Juliana Pasha - “It’s all about you” Albania 2010

YUARDAWAN 😀 YUGIMMEDATSAMTINANEED 😀 ITZMI 😀 ENDAMFOLIN 😀

We are at #12, which means we’re at that Olympian milestone where every entity ranked is a fucking supernatural force. In Juliana’s case a forced of pure, unfiltered, streechy harpism. 😍 It is so weird to think that she was the first of Albania’s now iconic ‘Shrieking Boss Hag” archetype because it feels like a alliance older than time, sealed and styled in cuneiform onto a shard of Sumerian pottery, blessed by the Annunaki and then embedded into the muddy banks of the Euphrates. 

Anyway, Juliana earned my HEART once she greeted us with her uncanny-valleyesque diction and cheshire-catesque leering, all YUARDAWAN! and proceeded to throw everything, both vocally and facialexpressionly, into the mix, in ascending degrees of deafening loudness. 😍

With a criminally addictive electronic schlager song too boot! One which, like Zlata features an INCREDIBLE supporting cast in a bangin’ gospel choir, as well as a very generous dollop of ❤ ELECTRONIC VIOLA REALNESS ❤

One of the fave musicians of NaziPope, btw. “It’s all about you” is such a Triumpf of the Shrill. 😍

Anyway, this high quality list of ingredients make for a very replayable ride that never spoils or grows stale, no matter how often I listen to it. Which is actually a lot. I’ve looped “It’s all about you” at countless occasions since 2010, making it perhaps the song on this list that I have to the MOST often. (Or second most because there IS a song I still have to rank that may challenge Juliana for that title.) If that ain’t a hallmark for quality, I don���t know what is. 

________________________________________________________________

11. Koza Mostra ft. Agathonas Iakovidis - “Alcohol is free” Greece 2013

Has life been letting you down? Have you been struck by a financial crisis? Do you no longer know how to continue living. Fear not, because :cracks knuckles: we are about to embark on a MASTERCLASS of unabashed drunken REVELRY:

Um a small disclaimer though. This song has a really really, really, REALLY irresponsible title. DO NOT at any circumstance use alcohol as a coping mechanism, engage in drunk driving or other activities under influence that you may life to regret later, if you live to regret it later. Also don’t drink if you’re underage. Also also, alcohol can cause obesity and cardio-vascular arrest. and cancer, possibly. Drink, but do so RESPONSIBLY. 

HOWEVER, what if this song is... a PSA???😈 An Anti-Crisis PSA that is, lol. A group of folk hipsters literally PARTYING AWAY the misery of the financial crisis in a delightfully self-deprecating fashion is just the pinacle of fun for me and Koza Mostra fucking ROLL with it. Watching them dart out in all wind directions, interacting with each other gives me LIFE.

It’s exactly that sort of industriousness which sets “Alcohol is free” apart from other party songs. There is a LOT of randomness going on in the background and it gives you ZERO time to process all of it, making every rewatch an easter egg hunt.

This approach to staging usually doesn’t work, but here it is actually very intelligent and I’ll explain why: The act places a lot of focus on Agathonas (which it should because he’s the lead singer despite his featured status), but by the same token offers constant distraction by all the Koza Mostra shenanigans in the background...  In other words, it’s an act that forces your attention away from the main event by confusing your senses, requesting all of you concentration keep up with everything that’s going on... which is actually a brilliantly accurate simulation of how 'being drunk’ works.

(btw if you listen closely you can hear the sound of Agathonas tapping his skull lol <3)

So the next time you listen to this song, pour yourself a drink (ONE drink!) sit back and embark on a Waldo-esque hunt to see how many beautiful nuggets you can find hidden in that splendid act, as the upbeat sirtaki madness fills your head with cloudy thoughts. As far as I’m concerned, Koza Mostra have WON the Eurovision Fun Contest. 

EVERYONE RISE AND APPLAUD THE  10 BEST ENTRIES IN THIS DECADE:

From now on, I’ll only include maximum 2 songs per update :o

And in this update we finally say goodbye to Greece, Albania, Ukraine, Austria and Lithuania. Read my thoughts on them, below:

LITHUANIA

Lithuania was hands down the worst country in the 00s and look at their chart now. They are slowly getting their shit together and it shows. Keep on going, darlings!!

AUSTRIA

God Austria are so boring. At least they occasionally provide us with a great entry here or there, but they’re so inconsistent in their entertainment. 2 great - 6 okay - 1 terrible is NOT a great ratio by any means. 

UKRAINE

ALBANIA

Albania are very hit-or-miss, but I really like their presence in Eurovision actually. Like Georgia they entries are so left-field that they are always *interesting* even when they’re not good. Except “Fairytale”. Fuck “Fairytale”.

GREECE

Fuck this decade was ROUGH for Greece. They are a shattered nation and if you think this chart is bad, let me remind you that their best result in the past five contests is 19th place. Same in fact, as San Marino’s highest and lower than the highest placements of Albania, Montenegro, Slovenia, UK, Ireland, North Macedonia,...

[eyecicles]

Top 5 of your hot takes about Those!L? Haha whatever you want really, I just want to hear you talk about him basically

Oooh, let’s see (spoilers under the cut!) (also, I want to apologise in advance for rambling endlessly, lol):

1. Just the thought of L as a legendary totally corrupt gay lawyer is an aesthetic I’m in love with. When we first meet him, he’s described as “a bit of a mess with slicked back black hair”, and combined with L’s peculiar facial features, especially his eyes, you get a great mental picture of him. Also, I’m so glad that Those!Light is obsessed enough with both him and fashion to tell us what he’s wearing in great detail. Picturing L in nice suits is wonderful enough, but Light’s internal rants about his shitty sweaters or jeans are great too. I love how his energy his chaotic and refined at the same time. Also, I remember there was a scene where Light thinks that he has “something of winter”, and it’s just intriguing to read how his thoughts about L get slowly more and more poetic and romantic. Sometimes he romanticises him so much that his admiration turns to jealously. He was the first person to make Light wish he could be someone else for a moment and hnghnng, I love it

2. There were at least three scenes involving L that, well, felt like a knife to the heart:

The first one would right after L faked his death. B trying to convince Light that he’s dead indeed is heartbreaking enough, but this little scene here

I found one of L’s old sweet wrappers in my car ashtray when I pulled over, so I threw it out of the window and then regretted it. It was littering. Then the possibility hit me for the first time that I wouldn’t see him again apart from in grainy photographs or in the background, unfocused, in press footage. I had little to show of his existence or his effect on my life, so it was like he’d disappeared completely, and I was so frustrated that a fucking sweet wrapper suddenly held all these memories and emotions – it was pathetic. I’d thrown it away with no ceremony, only shaking hate. 

was so unbelievable painful to read, I had to stop for a moment.

The second one would be when Kira finds L’s picture inside Light’s drawer. Everything is written with such a care and detail, that I had to reread the entire segment a few times, actually. It was equally touching, funny, as it was, of course, heartbreaking. Especially this:

He still can’t understand but stays quiet about it. After a while of looking at the photo in confusion, he starts rummaging around in his pocket for something. I think that maybe it’s for crayons so he’ll draw on the glass and I know that I’ll let him do it and get some absurd satisfaction from the defacement. Maybe I’ll join in and go mad scribbling out L’s face with a furious black crayon, blotting out the only real thing of him that’s left until he is truly gone. But Kira pulls out a toy plane. I’m disappointed. I’m used to it. “Do you think that Eru would like my plane?”

“Yes. I think that he’d love your plane,” I say after a few moments of silent conflicting feelings.

and this:

“Is Eru your friend?“

"Yes.”

“Even if he’s deaded?”

“Yes. He’ll always be my friend.”

…I think this made me a cry a bit, if I remember correctly. (And I don’t cry easily) (Listen, I’m just very sensitive when it comes to L & death because of his actual canon fate)

And the final scene I want to mention isn’t “just” sad - it actually has kind of a happy ending (kind of because when is anything in “Those” truly happy, lmao). It’s when Light goes to L’s apartment with his divorce papers:

Sensing someone in the doorway, I force myself to look up in case I’m in someone’s way. L looks down at me, cast in shadow, but doesn’t say anything. Neither do I. I can’t read him, I don’t know what he’s thinking. I just exhale and feel how exhausted I am, and how relieved I am to see him. I thought you’d left me again, just when I made a clearing for you to take everything I have and make it yours. I’d take your name if you wanted me to. If I could. I’d become your property until the wrecking balls came, and be proud of it.

After a little while, I grasp my hair close to my scalp until it hurts and my eyes scrunch up from pain. For me in another time, this would be a mistake. It wouldn’t have happened. What the fuck went wrong?

L bends to pick up my dropped application for divorce, sees what it is and looks at me like he expects me to explain it. But I don’t have to, do I? I can’t give any more of myself than I already have done. When I don’t say anything, he walks to me and sits against the opposite wall. I’m not sure how much time passes with us sitting like that, but eventually he crawls towards me and kisses me like it’s a thank you. We don’t need words, you and I.

I touch the back of his head as another removal man steps over us.

3. Let’s talk about how fucking funny Those!L is for a moment. The first time I laughed uncontrollably, was when Light locked himself and L in a fucking baby’s changing room at Light’s birthday party:

Then there’s a knock behind him and my eyes flicker away from his to look at the door with someone who’s not welcome on the other side of it.

“Excuse me?” a woman’s voice asks. “Is anyone in there? I need to change my baby.”

L sighs and turns his head slightly to the side. “I’m afraid that you’re stuck with it, madam. You can’t swap it for another one. Kindly piss off.”

I also love his rant about Kitamura, where he just ends Light’s phone conference to force him to listen to him, or his reaction to Matt interrupting their breakfast at an Italian bistro, and especially the scene where Light watches L getting interviewed on TV. It’s too long of a scene to quote here, but as soon as I realised that he integrated the lyrics of “Under Pressure” into his totally inspirational speech, I completely lost it: 

“He’s a victim of a consumerist attitude where children are given money instead of love. He was unequipped to deal with life, and after the incident he’s confronted with the terror of knowing what this world is about. It’s watching some good friends screaming: ‘Let me out!’ And how does he cope? He prays that tomorrow he’ll get higher, higher, high. Drugs,” he says, shrugging his shoulders. He looks quite intense even though he’s talking absolute shit again.

(Also: “Are you going to celebrate with the Prime Minister, Lawliet-san? What do you think he’ll wear?” L stops as if this is a very important question and his smile and compulsive blinking fills me with dread. “Hope… hopefully…” he struggles, as though he’s trying to contain himself. Oh my God. Hopefully nothing? I stand up to shout at the TV. “Don’t say it, you bastard, don’t say it!”)

Anyway, the story his full of gems like that and it makes L weirdly likeable, even though he’s such a little shit.

4. Actually, let’s talk about this: I’ve rarely seen a character who’s such a complete and utter asshole in a way that allows you to still enjoy his presence. And I hate it when the narrative tries to force us to like some edgy, lame dude who’s forgiven for all the shit he does because he’s sexy and vaguely funny. But I never got the feeling that we were supposed to excuse anything shitty L does, mainly because he’s the love interest of someone just as horrible. You completely get why they are in love with each other, it’s not some kind of a beauty and the beast story, or about one person trying to make their love interest a better person. How Light and L treat each other, is most of the time extremely selfish on both ends. They have some tender moments too, but their are also believable. Those!L is exactly how I like my bastards.

5. All of L’s, eh, mental breakdowns are incredibly well-written. I remember when I first read the chapter where his father died, and getting completely blindsided by how deep this character suddenly was. Honestly, the entire scene with Astbury… made me sick to my stomach. It wasn’t at all what I expected, but that’s another testament to how high-quality “Those” is. I felt like that a bit too after Stephen died. And I was absolutely in awe when I realised that his reaction made even more sense when you find out that L himself killed him. I’m just so thankful that I can read a story for free that’s written with so much love and care for a character who isn’t even the protagonist.

[cutiecrates]

Cutie Reviews: Kawaii Box Nov 18

So far nothing from Blippo, but it’s only been like... 3-4 days since I got the email from them, I assumed if anything it’d at least be a week, maybe two at the most. But again no tracking so I can’t be positive.

I can’t wait!

This months Japanese word: Shichimencho - Turkey

Gudetama Chocolate Bar

If you’ve been a reader of this blog then you might recognize the candy bar image on the wrapper. That’s right. It’s this again. I swear every few boxes we’re getting one. 

But for anyone new or who are unfamiliar with this, this candy bar has a textured outside, sorta giving it a log design. On the inside is wafer, usually with a very thin layer of cream. They either come in chocolate or white chocolate, and features tons of various wrapper options; I usually just see Sanrio, but I’ve also seen Disney ones and on the Blippo website they have a Detective Conan one right now for $1.90.

Rating: ♥ ♥

It tastes pretty good, and that’s coming from someone who isn’t the strongest fan of white chocolate. I prefer dark or strawberry, but regular chocolate is always good too.

It makes me think of an imitation kit-kat bar, which isn’t bad at all. But I really wish they would give us something else.  

Sakura Desk Calendar

Our next item is a very useful one for writing down appointments and keeping schedule of important dates- next to a planner that is. This is a cute little fold-able, standing calendar featuring a water color sakura theme.

And kitties of course.

It also features a side for writing down important notes or events/appointments. Available on the blippo website or $3.90.

Rating: ♥ ♥ ♥ 

I really love the colors and designs, they’re so gentle and pretty to look at~ Calendars are useful and all- but in all honesty I can’t even put mine on the calendar. Not only because Peach (my cat) would knock it down, but because I can’t get these ones with the folding bottom to sit. At all. I don’t know why, but they don’t work for me.

But on the plus side it’s small enough that I could keep it next to my bed in my stand, or I could put it in my bigger purses.

Sanrio Characters Sakura Plushie

A super cute Sanrio buddy to match our adorable new calendar. Each has a pretty pink pastel color scheme and cute little sakura on them. This line features My Melody, PompomPurin, Hello Kitty, and Cinnamoroll, and each one costs $4.90. These types of plush are similar to Tsum-Tsum, which means they can be stacked. Rating: ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ No, it doesn’t go with Thanksgiving like at all, but it’s so cute! I love the detail of the little flowers, which are very pretty to look at. The plush quality is also really nice, and she’s very soft~ 

Sushi Pen

Okay, still not thanksgiving- but at least this item is a food, which counts for something right?

Each pen costs $3.90, and there are 6 variations; salmon, egg sushi, riceball, rice in leaf, fried shrimp, and shrimp on rice. The topper is a rubbery plastic.

Rating: ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥

The pen is fine-tipped and it works very well. But the ink takes a while to dry so it isn’t a good option unless you plan to leave your book or paper out to avoid smears. I also discovered that the topper doesn’t stay on like you think it would. When you put the cap on the “pen butt“ it falls off semi-easily. 

Thankful Memo-It Notes & Molang Eraser

Our next item are these cute Memo notes themed after 3 different girls, and oddly a polar bear. Each set is $1.80, and they have 30 notes in total.

Rating: ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ 

I think it’s a cute idea, you never really see memo notes like this here. I like how you can write on her top, and if you’re really bored you could “design“ her a new one.

What bugs me is that it feels like lately they’re always giving us memo notes, and I have them practically coming out of my ears now; but at least I have a variety to suit the mood or theme.

Going with the stationery theme, our following item is a set of adorable Molang erasers. The set costs $1.90 on Blippo.com- and to get it out the way now, no they aren’t scented. They stink like eraser. 

Rating: ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ 

The quality is pretty much like any other eraser, pretty good. They look so cute together, I can’t bare the idea of actually using them though~

Pastel Animals Coin Purse

Next up is this cute pleather (imitation leather) coin purse that features an adorable animal on a soft pastel background. Each costs $2.90, and besides this sheep, there is also a pink bunny, a light blue squirrel (which oddly says “forest” despite being surrounded by cactus), and a mint one with dancing kitties.

Rating: ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥

For a coin purse this is perfect. It has a nice clasp to keep it shut, and the inside is really soft, but I feel like it could collect dirt easily. As much as I don’t like yellow, I still think it’s pretty cute. It’s small enough to sit in a variety of locations and not get in the way.

I will note that there is an issue with the fabric, as you might be able to see in the pic; it’s like the material is deformed. I didn’t use this yet and it hasn’t been out of packaging or the box since I took the picture. I’m not really sure what caused it, and nothing seems to fix it. 

San-X Corocoro Coronya Stickers & Kawaii Neko Letter Set

For $2.50, this is a sheet of Corocoro Coronya stickers featuring Coronya and his friends, and pretty gold line details. The sheet includes 70 stickers in total, and their smaller size makes them puurfect for dressing up plain items~

Rating: ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ 

They’re so cute~ These would be perfect for resin projects if I was still doing them. When stickers include gold or glittery detail, I sometimes worry the sheet will end up being a mess (like the jinbeisan stickers I got a while back...). But this one is great! There are a few gold lined spots that are messy, but I would still give it an 8 or 9 out of 10.

Next is this cat letter set from the brand TreeinArt, a stationery and gift shop. There are 3 envelopes and 6 pages. I couldn’t find the exact one on Blippo.com, but I did see a unicorn set that looks like it for $2.90, so I’m going to assume that was what this one is too.

Both the paper and envelopes have a kitty design.

Rating: ♥ ♥

It’s very simple, but kind of cute still. But I kind of wish there was more to it than this this. Like I think it would have been cute if they had included a pencil and eraser (or an eraser on a pencil), or maybe a little sticker sheet to decorate it a bit more. I don’t know, to me it feels like it needs something...

Marumofubiyori Plush Pouch and Coin Purse

Our final item is this adorable Marumofubiyori pouch/coin purse. Available for $5.90, there are 4 different poses available, each one cuter than the last~

The inside of the pouch has a very soft mesh-like cloth in it, so it feels really nice to touch. The tag also includes little details on Marumofubiyori and his friends.

Rating: ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ 

With how many Marumobubiyori items that have been popping up lately in these boxes, I’ve quickly become a fan x3 they’re so precious. The quality on the pouch/purse is well done, although they used a slightly transparent white fabric (you can see the spots of his blanket through him). The applied blush is also an adorable touch~

♥ Cutie Ranking ♥

Content - ♥ ♥ ♥ Honestly I wasn’t feeling this box too much. I like a couple of the items, but it’s overall stationery theme was kind of bugging me. I love getting new pens and erasers, but did we really need all of the stationery basics in a single box? 

Price -  ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥  Some of the items I was a bit surprised over how pricey they were. But I’ve seen worse so it’s not too bad, and in total this box costed $32.50- and remember, the box itself only costs 17-19 dollars. So yeah, I’d say they were spoiling us with this one.

Theme - ♥ Nothing actually fit thanksgiving, like at all. A couple of items had Thanksgiving descriptions in them- but I felt like it was forced, and I’m sure there are ways they could have achieved something that felt like the holiday besides the cover art. 

Total Rank: 4 out of 10 Cuties. This box felt completely underwhelming to me. It wasn’t bad and I’m probably being too critical, but compared to this one I felt like last months box was way better. I don’t have a problem with stationery, but I know for a fact they do have some food items that would have been perfect for a Thanksgiving box.

♥ Cutie Scale ♥

1. Sanrio Sakura Plush - I love love love love pink, and I love love love flowers! This is a perfect item for me ♥

2. Pastel Animals Coin Purse - As much as I dislike yellow I ended up really liking this purse a lot more than I thought I would. I really like pastels though so I think that plays a part in it. The sheep on mne is also just really cute.

3. Coronya Stickers - Looking at these just makes me want to sink my teeth into some delicious coronet~

4. Marumofubiyori Pouch - I kind of wish I got it in one of the other poses, but this one is still really kawaii~ I also like how soft the pouch is. I definitely want to start using this one.

5. Sushi Ink Pen - I really wish I would have gotten the rice ball one, but it’s still pretty cute. I love sushi, so sushi-themed items are automatically awesome in my books. Although looking at it too long is liable to make me hungry~

6. Memo Notes - The little girl design is pretty cute. 

7. Molang Erasers - As cute as they are, the poses are generic. Plus I was an avid eraser collector as a child, I know I can’t use these. I’d hate to ruin them.

8. Sakura Calendar - I love how pretty it looks, but the folding flap on the bottom is kind of annoying. I don’t understand why they don’t work for me >3<

9. Gudetama Chocolate Bar -  The package is pretty cute, but I’m tired of these.

10. Neko Letter Set - The images are cute but I really don’t see myself using it anytime soon.