#hurt for others like any disabled persons family or anxiety

[annoying-probably]

I want to add that I don't think it's bad to use any character for angst- just not the way it's done to Saki. If you want Tsukasa angst from Saki? Don't hurt her. Don't make her physically attached to her brother because she is 'o so frail she can't even function without him.' That girl is powerful and pushes through. All you do is make Tsukasa scared, anyone can worry about a disabled person and their well-being, that is fine. Making Tsukasa overbearing and always trying to keep her from truly being 100% because he's holding her back from anything- intentionally or not? Works! He can worry about her, but as long as he learns or knows that it is her issue, he isn't the one 'bearing all the pain', I think that's fine. There's ways to work with this story that aren't completely ableist and, dare I say, a little misogynistic.

Or even, another idea- have them fight over her health, that breaks both of them! Tsukasa specifically being too worried when she can do just as much as he, or that she is still learning her own limits, she's bound to fall a few times and that's fine. Tsukasa learning to let Saki spread her own wings can be a lovely character arc, I think. And that doesn't even have to be illness based! If you want non illness based sibling angst- teenagers getting annoyed and running off, or saying things they don't mean or destroying something precious between them? There's plenty of plothooks that can make both of them still people on the same footing, that doesn't make Saki look like she is less of a person for her illness.

People who hurt Saki just got angst are bad, I think, or atleast make me uncomfortable, like the above said, Saki is an amazing character and you can get so many plothooks from that! I don't mind sickness angst; what is it if not the same sort of stories that hanahaki always was, like hidden illnesses and secrets and things? I know they're always going to exist and that there are interesting ways to write them that don't kill Saki. There's always issues with not knowing what her illness was, just that it can really hurt everywhere, and absolutely fatigues her ( which could also be the history of being in a bed a lot and not moving ) and she gets some fever flushes and black outs. Great! Research some illnesses and learn to write Saki as a character living with her illness, it does not need to be some big thing either, even writing Saki in the back sitting down more or drinking more or etc etc, can go a long way for helping us with those issues to actually normalize it, from small things like needing help up sometimes or forgetting which medicine you need for what pain.

I know MCD fics exist for every character, but damn let Saki rest, and don't make fics about how her closest people are actually so totally the ones in the most pain!!

And a PSA that came to my head, if you also make Tsukasa sick don't like specifically highlight it as soooo much worse than Sakis and he's soooo brave for living or for hiding it because it sucks so so so much!! yeah like no disability is worse, everyone of us is still suffering everyday. It's an idea that can work. But saki having a long talk with her big bro on how she feels everyday and the thoughts she has to go through about how people see her as lesser or how she might feel broken as a person, or the pain of missing out on life? Like a big sibling bonding moment of 'we're in this together.' is sweet too, I think. All my household is disabled, talking about how we deal from day to day and helping each other out when one of us can't so something is our everyday.

(ref to prev tags I think @correctproseka executed this specifically well. read that. And sorry for typos I just woke up)

Sorry if this was a long rant! Something I feel a lot for lol.

it really isn't that hard to not use Saki for Tsukasa angst. he doesn't resent her whatsoever. what is up with people using disabilities as a stand-in for a character.

Saki is a well written character who struggles with the limits of her illness, but it doesn't define her. what defines her is her headstrong personality and her strong will as the attractive force pulling leo/need and her friends together. what defines her is her way of dealing with her struggles and not the struggles themselves.

she should not be used as fuel for an abled, male character's angst.

[ultimate-marysue]

I feel like a lot of the Batfam fandom misrepresents the sibling relationships not out of some inherent lack of reading comprehension, but just cause they're only children.

Listen, the sibling experience is so weird. Like, you'd die for each other, you ignore them most of the time, once you move out you barely speak with them (not even your favorite one) until you get together and spend three hours talking nonstop. You don't hate them, but they annoy you in ways most mortals can't even comprehend. The alliances and rivalries shift at random. You may be in good terms with two siblings that can't stand each other.

When you truly fight (I'm not talking arguing about something, I'm talking someone has done something that truly hurted the other) it's bad. You may still talk to each other and have fun together but it can fester and rot the relationship from the inside out. And even then, depending on what happened and their personality, they may still be there for each other.

If there's neurodivergency or disabilities involved it's a whole different shit show. You obviously want to help your little brother with chronic anxiety but jesus, you're trying to live your life too! You know they're autistic but come on can't we go out for dinner to a different place, just this once?? And don't get me started on disabilities, they may understand how your body works and still invalidate your pain on accident.

You cover for them in front of your parents and sometimes you rat them out for whatever reason. If you're angry with your father you will get in the middle of their fights, and if you're angry at your sibling you'll enjoy the show.

Siblinghood is really complicated from the outside, but from the inside it makes perfect sense. So yeah, I get why people that haven't experienced it have trouble reconciling Dick's love for his siblings and also his fierce independence from his family. Yeah, it's weird that Damian goes from hating Tim to joking around with him without fixing their issues but sometimes it is what it is. It makes sense for Jason to hang out with Dick's friends since they run similar circles and everyone thinking it's normal except for Dick. Cassandra doesn't speak to any of them for months but the second she's back from Hong Kong she's besties with Duke and Tim again.

It's only contradictory if you don't have siblings.

[carpenoctem-if]

Carpe Noctem - Intro Post

DEMO - tba

You are a nobody. A supposedly ordinary human in a world full of powerful beings. Your life is all in all pretty average if not bordering on mind-numbing, like watching paint dry... That is until you were kidnapped and tossed into one especially small carriage to be delivered somewhere only the ancients knew of.

From now on nothing will ever be the same and you need to adapt to the ever-changing outside world as fast as possible. All the while trying to decipher your past and with that your part in an every-growing political conflict that borders to develop into an all out war the world has yet to see.

General content warnings: Bigotry & prejudice, horror elements, interspecies awkwardness, explicit language, depictions of violence, injuries, blood and death, explicit sexual content (if selected), flashbacks of a dark past to unveil, sprinkled with some homophobia here and there & general an unfair treatment of people with disabilities.

FEATURES

-> customizable MC (name, pronouns, appearance, identity)

-> semi-set personality due to evolve (MCs reclusive upbringing forces you to start as someone that's not entirely comfortable with other people and as such you'll be able to choose coping mechanisms your MC will use to compensate such a deficit)

-> 5 characters to romance (3 in book 1, not sure if the other two will follow, they'll probably be fully romanceable in book 2)

-> POVs of the ROs included

-> an open-minded author that is inclined to change some NPCs to fully fledged ROs depending on the general opinion/wishes of readers

-> an emotional roller coaster, all in all nothing for ppl that want a light-hearted theme

-> later on you'll be able to choose part of your race (vampyres, merpeople, demons, shapeshifters, phoenixes -and many more) & with that you can determine and further develop your special skillset. Your heritage will reward you with quite different flavour texts for every possible race there is, so yes. It will matter greatly what you chose. And each of the available races will have disadvantages that could prove quite...fatal in certain situations.

romanceable characters:

the master [Alois|Alice|Alix] (m|f|n) 24 winters

An aloof demeanor at the first glance, A has a cold, strangely shrouded gaze. They're reclusive as fuck, so there isn't much the general population knows about them. Oh. And A is your esteemed master -as if any of you actually want this dynamic... A seems to hate you and your position even more, especially the hidden context it supplies to everyone they meet...

A has almond-shaped silver eyes that always seem distant and unfocused. They have defined cheek bones with mostly soft facial features and quite long, silver hair that is often tied to a simple ponytail. A wears fine dark clothing without other prominent features to despict their wealth.

Content warnings for A's route: denial of feelings aka one of the slowest burns imaginable, domestic violence, implied/referenced rape/non-con, anxiety attacks, self-harm, angst & hurt/comfort

the protector [Leto] (m|f|n) too many to count

Leto is a raven-like creature most would describe as monstrous-looking. They are rarely seen and the few moments they are, death is certain. For many commoners it's enough to see one of Leto's black feathers to warrant a swift escape.

Their past eludes them and you have to wonder - why does some antics of them seem kinda...familiar?

Content warnings for Leto's route: survivor-guilt, body dysphoria, angst, captivity & enslavement, torture, ptsd

the assassin [Zane|Zoey] (m|f) 28 winters

Z is everything their mother wanted them to be. Her own personal weapon. One she is now inclined to use for her vendetta against you.

They have dark brown hair with intelligent hazel green eyes that seem to observe their surroundings constantly. Z was raised with stories about you, stories you know nothing about. How can it be that they seem to know more of you and your family than you yourself?

Should it worry you that they sound extremely resolute in stating their sole purpose is to rid the world of your existance?

Content warnings for Z's route: enemies to frenemies to lovers, eating disorder, alcohol-addiction, a tendency of morbid jealousy, past emotional abuse & manipulation

??? [redacted]

??? [also redacted]

more info tba

Small note of the author:

Everything is slow burn in this - even the character customization, cause I want to add those moments seamlessly into the story.

I tend to take my time. You can expect me to heavily focus on the characters and their feelings, with a slight disregard to describing the environment and such. I work with minimalistic efforts to still give a sense of what I imagine everything to be but with the intention to leave fine details to the reader's own imagination.

I'll try to be considerate of everyone's preferences, especially in the more kinky parts of the story. There'll be versions for more assertive characters as well as more passive one's. Though I should add that the ROs all have their own set of bias that they prefer. However there will be growth throughout the story, including that.

The gravity of your choices will intensify throughout book 1, especially as you get to know the Circle and the Court and every other political hive of intrigue.

And yes. You can die. The ROs can die. Almost everyone will be able to at some point, I guess. Though I don't like the idea of writing a total distopia, don't expect me to change my mind regarding that one that easily.

More infos will be added over time. I'll post lore snippets of my sketchbook soon, like the worldmap, the general outlines of the Circle & the Court, the different races and such.

Asks are welcomed.

[wangxianficfinder]

In the mood for...

~*~

1. Hiii~ hope you all are well!! for ITMF, do you know of any fics where lwj or wwx is chubby/fat? and maybe some body worship of their fatness?

check out the chubby!Wei ying tag!

Do Not Eat More Than Three Bowls by GalliumYttriumArsenicFluorine (E, 6k, LWJ & WWX & OCs, Belly Kink, Weight Gain, Stuffing, belly stuffing, Feeding Kink, Feeder LWJ, Feeder WWX, Feedee LWJ, Feedee WWX, fat appreciation, pudge love, Body Worship, Body Image, Body Positivity, Consensual Kink, Verbal Humiliation, Humiliation kink, POV Alternating, Feedism, unintentional weight gain, Food as a Metaphor for Love, Chubby LWJ, Chubby WWX, Light Bondage, Dom/sub Undertones, Switch wangxian, WIP)

🔒 in your hands by everythingispoetry (T, 11k, wangxian, modern, Fluff, chubby LWJ, Weight Gain, Body Image, Body Positivity, Food as a Metaphor for Love, Secret Marriage)

Cessation by devinokaze (T, 6k, wangxian, canon divergence, YLLZ WWX, fluff, LXC pov) mentioned slightly in regards to LWJ

🔒 everything’s going to be discovered by everythingispoetry (M, 98k, wangxian, F/F, modern cultivation, reunions, soft wangxian, family feels, angst, fluff, hurt/comfort, disability) this is a pretty heavy cisswap fic involving disabling injury, so be mindful of that but it does feature chubby lwj and a positive attitude toward that from the important people.

~*~

2. Hello! ITMF mute!Wei Wuxian? Preferably canon era. Thank you!

you're the right time (at the right moment) by carmiemaybe (glazedlilies) (G, 1k, wangxian, Modern, Post-War, Soldier LWJ, mute WWX, Historical, Tooth-Rotting Fluff, Feels, Crush at First Sight, Pining, Short & Sweet, Romance)

The Untamed Retelling by DCandMARVELnerd (T, 86K, WIP, WangXian, Chronic Pain, Chronic Illness, Hurt/Comfort, Major Character Injury, Injury Recovery, Family Feels, Family Fluff, Dysfunctional Family, Abuse, Retelling, Canon Rewrite, Friends to Lovers, Romantic Friendship, Developing Friendships, Love, Fluff, Angst and Feels, Selectively Mute WWX)

Muted by Akabara_13 (T, 46k, WIP, WangXian, Muteness, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, Psychological Trauma, Panic Attacks, Anxiety Attacks, Child Abuse, Childhood Trauma, Angst, For Want of a Nail)

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3. Itmf fics where lxc (or another character, just not people who already knew about truth of bm etc) become aware of the dangerous lying politics that lead to wwx demise (untamed verse) as its happening. And it's like a political intrigue. Like I know there are some 'x-person goes to the burial mounds and sees the truth', but what about fics where people find out because of a dif reason?

ask until your heart gets it right by Stratisphyre (G, 6k, XuanLi, Implied XiYao, Background WangXian, Canon Divergence, Fluff and Humor, Unreliable Narrator JZX, Minor surprise pairing at the end, Fix-It, Everyone Lives/Nobody Dies) not sure it quite fits, but here's a (great!) fic where JXZ wins JGY's loyalty and the latter kinda spills the beans on the Qiongqi Path stuff. It doesn't get into the politics that much though.

~*~

4. I'm in a mood to know what you all are reading right now :D

backfire by spookykingdomstarlight (E, 53k, wangxian, LWJ/MXY, one-sided MXY/WWX, MXYY/NMJ, modern, BDSM AU, Biologically Determined Dom/sub Roles, BDSM, Bad BDSM etiquette, Sadism, Masochism, Past Sexual Abuse, Sexual Slavery, Self-Harm, BDSM as a Form of Self-Harm, Minor Character Death(s), Arson, Shades of Black Widow WWX, Extremely Dubious Consent, Rape/Non-Con Elements, Normalized Homosexuality and Bisexuality, Normalized Polyamory, Nonsexual BDSM, Slow Burn, Mutual Pining, Pining WWX, Jealous WWX, Touch-Starved WWX, Professional Dominant WWX, Sex Worker WWX, Gentle Dom LWJ, Mean Dom LWJ, Oblivious LWJ, Past WC/WWX, Minor JGY/WWX, Mentioned WWX/Others, Emotional Infidelity, Angst with a Happy Ending, Endgame Wangxian, MXY Also Gets a Happy Ending, the tags are scary but i promise there's some lightheartedness too, wangxian love one another so much, WWX is healed by the power of nonsexual bdsm and friendship, and then gets bdsm'd quite sexually and happily by the love of his life, Additional Warnings In Author's Note, WIP) currently reading backfire over one squidgeworld!

🔒🧡 Rule Number One: Never get attached. by KizuKatana (E, 130k, WangXian, Modern AU, A/B/O, Criminal underworld AU, Fluff and angst, Crime boss LWJ, Rouge criminal genius WWX, Explicit Sex) Rereading this!

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5. Itmf what is ur fav unexpected combo yet coolest crossover or fusion fic that you've read? Bonus points if it's not crossed with another MXTX work. I once read a rise of the guardian fusion that was very neat. Esp the begining.

🔒 and having a marvelous time by varnes (E, 108k, WangXian, Yúnmèng Siblings, Sound of Music AU, (i know!!! i know. stay with me on this.), Slow Burn, Mutual Pining, Family Feels, spies to lovers???, Protective Siblings, Sometimes You Just Want Your Dads To Admit They’re Your Dads, Angst with a Happy Ending)

🔒 some lovely, perilous thing by varnes (E, 24k, WangXian, Inception Fusion, Criminal Associates To Lovers, Heist Case Fic)

Wei Wuxian Makes a Wish series by natcat5 (M, 119k, wangxian, major character death, underage, madoka magica au, modern w/ magic, time travel, high school au, body horror, self-harm, angst w/ bittersweet ending, time loop, mental instability, suicidal thoughts) have not stopped thinking about this fic since I read it

If also love to see that rise of the guardians fic 👀👀👀

Castle in the Wastes by ailuridae (abigailnicole) (T, 41k, wangxian, Howl’s Moving Castle fusion, personified Chenqing, canon typical violence)

Diplomatic Incidents by Ariaste (M, 35k, WangXian, IB/DP, Dragon Age: Inquisition, Getting Together, Linguistics, Translation Spells, canon-typical borderline alcoholism, Fluff, a touch of angst for spice, being in love but not admitting you want to sleep together, Versus, sleeping together but not admitting you’re in love, Post-Canon, post-canon for MDZS anyway, during-canon for DAI)

Wei Wuxian is the Actual Bogeyman (no, really) by chatonnerie (T, 57k, WangXian, Rise of the Guardians AU, Crack, not gonna lie, i mean they literally call wwx the bogeyman my poor brain could not resist, TW:Death, I mean, Jack Frost cannonically dies)

🔒 Come by it Honestly by ladyshadowdrake (M, 25k, Geraskier, WangXian, The Witcher Crossover, Crossover, Adventure)

🔒Light Bearing Lord and The Patriarch by Anonymous (G, 3k, WangXian, Rise of the Guardians Crossover, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Relationship Reveal, Established Relationship, kind of crack, Crack Treated Seriously, WWX and LWJ are Guardians, but not just of Childhood, Implied Sexual Content, WWX and LWJ being Shameless)

🧡 Of Ghosts and Heroes by The Silverfish (ZephyrAndTheSilverfish) (T, 51k, AS & WWX, AS/YH, WangXian, BNHA/MHA Crossover, Dimension Travel, POV Outsider, Found Family, Hurt/Comfort, Angst)

❤️ More Questions than Answers by tiniestawoo (T, 2k, Sterek, WangXian, Teen Wolf Crossover, Curses, Curse Breaking, Modern with Magic, (alternate for CQL I GUESS?), Full Shift Werewolves, Beta DH, Demonic Cultivation, Crack Treated Seriously, Crack Crossover)

The Return Of the (Yiling) Sith by Zephyr (ZephyrAndTheSilverfish) (T, 23k, WangXian, SongXiao, Star Wars Setting, Hurt/Comfort, Somebody Lives/Not Everyone Dies, Canon-Typical Violence, POV Alternating, The Force, Kidnapping, Pining, IN SPACE!) (Link in #7)

mountains, we met by fruitys (E, 79k, WangXian, Historical, The Handmaiden (2016) Fusion, Enemies to Lovers, Misunderstandings, Secret Identity, Touch-Starved, Sharing a Bed, Mutual Pining, Getting Together, Angst with a Happy Ending, falling for the person you’re supposed to be swindling: the love story, getting revenge on the people who manipulated you: the saga, and some cws……., Implied/Referenced Suicide, Suicide Attempt, Mental Health Issues, Emotional Manipulation, Blow Jobs, Rimming)

A Long Road by Vathara (T, 187k, WangXian, Fluff and Angst, Crossovers & Fandom Fusions, Scheming NHS, Necromancy, Fire, Ghosts, Accidental Child Acquisition, is it an accident if the ghosts keep bringing them?) a Heralds of Valdemar fusion! Caveat that it's necessarily butchered MDZS canon to fit into the Valdemar fantasy series, but it works.

~*~

6. Are there fics where Madam Yu just really gets told off for how she treats people, though especially Wei Ying? I'd especially love to see Lan Zhan do it. Thanks!! @eebee

leading tone by silencemostofall (G, 32k, WangXian, Modern AU, Soulmates, with a lil twist, Eventual Happy Ending, lesbian wq rights, Music, Orchestra, platonic and romantic pining) it's pretty small part (but w big impact) near the end but it's there

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7. Hii ! For this time's itmf , I'm looking for a fic with a concept of there being a 'chosen one'

Kinda similar to this fic "So You Accidentally Kidnapped A Qilin by Mikkeneko" . It can be alternative universe or Canon , thank you♡ @karinasnowwwx

The Return Of the (Yiling) Sith by Zephyr (ZephyrAndTheSilverfish) (T, 23k, WangXian, SongXiao, Star Wars Setting, Hurt/Comfort, Somebody Lives/Not Everyone Dies, Canon-Typical Violence, POV Alternating, The Force, Kidnapping, Pining, IN SPACE!)

~*~

8. itmf a well-written role reversal fic where lan wangji dies instead of wei wuxian/ jiang yanli. Basically lan wangji dies, and the fallout

If I Could Go Back in Time by Runningbarefoot (M, 122k, WangXian, Canon Divergence, Role Reversal, Somebody Lives/Not Everyone Dies, Pining, Angst with a Happy Ending, Grief/Mourning, YLLZ WWX, Eventual Happy Ending, The Twin Jade Brotherhood, Hurt/Comfort, Character Study, Twin Prides of Yúnmèng Dynamics, Slow Burn)

~*~

9. Are there any fics in which wangxian fight/quarrel a lot?

~*~

10. itmf lwj being roofied @jawla-mukhi

To keep you safe by Lookeri (T, 3k, wangxian, rape/non-con, Implied/Referenced Sexual Assault, Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Protective WWX, Drunk LWJ, Attempted Rape/Non-Con, Attempted Sexual Assault, No War AU, Hurt LWJ, WIP) Only one chapter posted so far though

The Lines of your Soul by athena_crikey (M, 24k, wangxian, LXC/NMJ, rape/non-con, Modern with Magic, photographic cultivation, sects as fucked up as ever, Attempted Rape/Non-Con, for blackmail purposes, Date Rape Drug/Roofies, stigma/judgement, Trauma, Emotional Whump, hurt/comfort, Yu-furen back on her bullshit, politics over people, WWX will always have a traumatic past, Panic Attacks, everyone! needs! THERAPY!)

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11. Hello! I was wondering if anybody knows a fic where LWJ and LXC have to switch places (the concept was mentioned in another fic I've read and I'd love to see what them attempting to act like the other could look like)

Two-Faced by nirejseki (Not Rated, 2k, LXC & NHS, LXC & JGY, Mistaken Identity, early reveal) probably not exactly what you're looking for but maybe worth a look. LXC pretends to be his brother as ?a prank? and it goes disastrously off the rails

~*~

12. Hello! I'm in the mood for a wangxian fic that focuses on Lan Wangji's grief after Wei Wuxian's death and then his feelings throughout their reunion

hold me close by gentil-minou (Flyingsuits) (E, 13k, wangxian, Post-Canon, Hurt/Comfort, Angst with a Happy Ending, Established Relationship, Porn with Feelings, Emotional Sex, Grief, Mental Health Issues, Additional Warnings In Author's Note, tender husbands being tender, 13 years of grieving followed by a life time of healing from it, Do you ever think about how lwj spent 13 years thinking he’d never get this, and then he gets it and how hard that must be to accept, because how could it be real how can he prove to himself, that it’s not all just another dream waiting to shatter is he being cruel to wy, for not believing it some days?, no? just me?, Character Study, Masturbation, Oral Sex, Anal Sex, Working Through Grief With Sex, Grieving Your Husband While Fucking Him)

New Perspective Series by mrcformoso (T, 35k, WangXian, Angst, Hopeful Ending, Fatherhood, Regrets, Flashbacks, POV LWJ, LWJ-centric, Canonical Character Death - WWX, Pining LWJ, LWJ Has Feelings Lán Zhàn | Lán Wàngjī Needs a Hug, Character Development, Dead WWX, Introspection, LWJ is Bad at Feelings, Character Study, Regretful, LWJ Breaking Toxic Cycles, Canon Compliant, LWJ in Seclusion, Post-LWJ in Seclusion, Child LSZ)

~*~

13. hii, thank u for doing imtfs, can I get some fics which deal w additcion?? thanks @mercurygirlwt28

Say More by lettered (E, 95k, wangxian, LWJ/MXY, modern, Pining, Slow Burn, non-graphic drug use, non-graphic withdrawal, Drug Addiction, one suicidal thought, negative thought, wwx struggles with Mandarin and feeling connected to Chinese culture, Compulsory Heterosexuality, wwx kisses a girl, Sexuality Crisis, Gay Panic, some gender confusion and questions without serious gender questioning, incorrect definition of omnisexuality, Open Relationships, Masochistic Fantasies, non-graphic sadomascochistic realities, humiliation fantasies, Submission Fantasies, some D/s realities, one condomless blowjob, suggestions of some unhealthy co-dependence, Possessive Behavior, Slight Consensual Non-Consent, Frottage, the open relationship is not wangxian)

something so flawed and free by verseau (E, 59k, WangXian, Modern AU, College/University, Graduate School, Dom/sub, Implied/Referenced Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Non-Sexual Submission, Kink Negotiation, Biting, Overstimulation, Cock Warming, Consensual Non-Consent, Spanking)

Lifelong Confidant by saved (E, 42k, wangxian, modern, Fluff and Angst, Past Character Death, Families of Choice, Explicit Sexual Content, Idiots in Love, Misunderstandings, Oblivious WWX, playing fast and loose with basic real life things, references to past alcoholism/substance abuse, Alcohol)

Cloud Nine Series by mssdare (E, 86k, WangXian, Modern AU, YouTube, Depression, Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Substance Abuse, Mental Health Issues, Mental Breakdown, Suicidal Thoughts, ASMR, youtuber LWJ, youtuber WWX, Social Media, Getting Together, getting better, Happy Ending, Intercrural Sex, Shower Sex, Sleepy Cuddles, Videoblogging, Sexual Dysfunction, Erectile Dysfunction, Medication, Touching, Anal Sex, Domestic Bliss, Nightmares, Cuddling & Snuggling, Hand Jobs, Blow Jobs, side effects of medication, Slow Pace)

🔒 watching my heart go round by typefortydeductions (E, 77k, wangxian, modern, developing relationship, grief/mourning, suicidal thoughts, suicide attempt, implied/referenced suicide, mental health issues, past alcoholism, dom/sub, BDSM, impact play, consensual non-con, dirty talk, objectification kink, dom LWJ, sub WWX, building a family, the work of getting better, sex in SSRIs, happy ending, breathplay, rimming, orgasm denial, safe word use)

The Life and Times of a Rock Star in Crisis by Hammsters (M, 62k, wangxian, Celebrity au, Modern, Hurt/Comfort, Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Rehabilitation, Dysfunctional Family, Memories, Fluff and Angst, Rock Star WWX, Librarian LWJ, Libraries, Social Media, Paparazzi, WWX has earned his highly publicized mental breakdown, he worked hard for it, Grief/Mourning, Mental Instability, JC being a good brother)

~*~

14. heyyy thanks for all your hard work! itmf any fics that involve lwj being jealous. :) @aquiver-heart

The Epic Lie of the Yiling Laozu and His Wife by JaenysBloodcourt (T, 9k, WangXian, XianQing, NieYao, Fake/Pretend Relationship, Fake Marriage, Misunderstandings, Lies, Jealousy, A really tiny bit of jealous LWJ and JC, Assisted reproduction (mentions of insemination with talismans and other things), Implied/Referenced Sex, Implied Mpreg, yiling wei, WWX Has a New Golden Core, More like a red core, BAMF WWX, Canon Divergence, dialogue heavy in some parts, A little angst, Top/Bottom Versatile | Switch WangXian)

~*~

15. hello again! thank you for your most recent itmf post. i’ve been thoroughly spoiled with amazing fics.

i’ve been reading 🧡 Stunted, Starving Juvenility by TomatenMark for the first time and seeing nie huaisang and wei wuxian’s friendship has inspired me to return to ask for more. the nie clan’s secret cultivation techniques always make me think of how invaluable wei wuxian’s knowledge or help could be to them if only a certain order events happened during canon. so, i was wondering if there were any canon divergent wangxian fics out there that specifically touch on nie huaisang and wei wuxian’s mutually beneficial friendship? preferably pre-nightless city fall/burial mounds raid? anything will do but i really enjoy seeing nie huaisang’s genius completely f*** over jin guangyao specifically. (although jin guanshan, su she, jin zixun, or xue yang downfalls are also lovely to see as well.) thank you in advance ♥️

no one ever said the single-plank bridge had to be walked alone by rosemu (T, 124k, wangxian, Canon Divergence, Yílíng Wèi Sect au, Fix-It, Not Everyone Dies, LWJ Stays at the Burial Mounds, Fluff, Angst, Domestic Fluff, Canon-Typical Violence, Found Family, Slow Burn, LWJ and WWX get to be Dads together, the healing power of homoerotic flute/guqin duets, Happy Ending) NHS helps out the Burial Mounds settlement & absolutely destroys JGY

The Core Issue by Hauntcats (T, 21k, WangXian, Angst with a Happy Ending, Not JC Friendly, Canon Divergence) Has WWX dropping in on NHS & helping NMJ with the Nie Clan's cultivation issues

~*~

16. Hiiiiiii 👋, Firstly, I love this blog so much - it's really amazing. For the next itmf blog, i was wondering if there are any fics where:

A] Wwx is overprotective of lwj and possessive. It can be in a dark wwx vibe but more so like just normal wwx being so defensive and concerned about lwj in front of others.

B] Some royalty au where wx is in an arranged marriage and wwx is smitten

C] any fics where wwx did something wrong and has to work hard to get lwj back (they dont have to break up/ separate- maybe he just has to work to get back in lwj's good graces)

- please let all have happy endings with wx as the main couple

Thaaaank you💕

~*~

17. Hey, guys! For ITMF, are there fics where WWX has to rebuild his spice tolerance in MXY's body? I refuse to believe that they both have the same tolerance when WWX likes his food saturated to a point that other spice-enjoyers think is a bit much & MXY barely got food at all. (Bonus if he now finds Lan food tasty & is just So Offended about that. Extra bonus if his alcohol tolerance is gone too.) @thispatternismine

~*~

If you didn’t get an answer to your ask here, don’t forget to make use of @mdzs-kinkmeme and MDZS KINK MEME on Dreamwidth. Authors actually do use them for ideas. You may get what you order!***Your prompt doesn’t have to be kink! Fluff, crack, whatever - it’s all good!***

[soupandspoonies]

To honour me saying I would blog more than I have been I thought I'd talk a little bit about my experience with therapy as a chronically ill person, because there may be people who relate and I think it's good to talk about :)

To start, I have been doing therapy since I was first diagnosed with my first condition (I was about 10 years old at the time) and the therapy I was put in was CBT, as recommended by my neurologist. CBT refers to cognitive behavioural therapy and follows the mindset that if you can reframe your mindset about something it can affect you less.

Beginning this therapy I had very little understanding of my condition and I was struggling a lot with losing my ability to do a lot of the things I had once loved to do. In this aspect, having someone to talk to was very helpful and my counselor reminded me that I still had things to look forward to and all was not lost. Eventually however, this therapy started to influence the mindset that if I don't talk about my pain and suffering with my illness, that it will hurt less and I began to feel my pain was no longer valid.

I believe that this type of therapy can be very helpful given the right circumstances and it did help me in some ways - but it also stifled my ability to talk about my pain seriously and I began to feel like I was weak for letting the pain affect me.

I think talking about your chronic illness and disability is a very helpful tool when you are struggling - which is why I started my blog - but I also feel it is very frustrating trying to talk about it with people who don't understand because they have never experienced it. I have tried my best to make my friends and family understand that I will always be held back by my illnesses and disability, and how it causes me mass amounts of grief at times. I am losing the person I once was, and people generally don't understand what it is like until it happens to them.

I am still in therapy, with a new therapist whom I feel I can really trust with my issues. After being ill for so long, I began struggling with anxiety and depression, and having a therapist has certainly been helpful (along with medication). I was able to highlight with my new therapist how my previous therapy experiences affected me and I am now able to be very open when I don't like the approach she is taking with my problems. She will never understand what I am going through, but she approaches with empathy and lets me talk through my feelings without making me feel as though I need to stifle them to make her or others understand me.

I think that I will always struggle to find people who understand me, I will always have that grief for the person I lost in myself, and this pain isn't going away. I have struggled a lot entering therapy again because I never felt like I could be validated by someone who doesn't understand, but I am slowly coming to realise that even through the frustration of being misunderstood - it is a really useful tool.

I hope any others who are struggling with entering therapy for one reason or another will take what I've said into consideration. There will likely be a lot of frustration because you feel misunderstood and alone, but if you find the right person it can take a big weight off your shoulders.

I hope everyone has a happy Halloween!! :D

Soup

[hello-nichya-here]

I have a question that might be offensive, and I'm sorry in advance for any hurt it may cause. I've been trying to search for an answer online for a while but I'm not able to find a proper one, and hoped you could help me.

From what I have gathered, autistic people do not wish for there to be a cure for autism, which I understand because well, it would change your brain and the way you view the world. Some even insist it cannot exist (which I'm not so sure about but whatever). My main question is, there are thousands of people out there who are affected by some kinds of ASD so severe that they can never lead a proper life, will never mentally develop beyond a child, and often have to live through agonizing pain and overstimulation. When it comes to these cases, would they not prefer a cure? So wouldn't it be more ethical for a cure to exist, but taking the cure not be compulsory? Those people are obviously not on social media, so their voices go unheard. But wouldn't they and their loved ones not want them to be in pain?

Thanks in advance.

First off, here's why a "cure" is indeed impossible: autism is a neurotype, not a disease. It's not the brain or any organ/system doing something it shouldn't or being damaged by some internal and/or external factor. An autistic brain functions DIFFERENTLY, not DEFECTIVELY, though obviously there is a variety of ways in which it manifests, and it is very rare for an autistic person to be ONLY autistic, there's often one, or more, conditions affecting them at the same time (anxiety, ADHD, schizophrenia, depression, OCD, etc). It is also likely a result of multiple cromossomes working in atypical ways (unlike with Down Syndrome, which is a result of cromossome 21 and ONLY 21 working differently) - and we still don't know which ones, or even how many said cromossomes are.

What does all of that mean for a cure? It means that:

1 - To make an autistic person non-autistic it'd need to be possible to discover it when they're still a fetus and somehow force their brain and entire nervous system to form differently - both things modern science can't do and that we're not sure will EVER be possible.

2 - It is very likely that even if a cure is possible, it will NOT be a one-size-fits-all kind of deal, and it will work on some cases and be useless in others.

So it is already a far, far, FAR more complicated deal than just "If we put enough money, time and effort into it, we can find a cure." Part of the reason why many autistic people are sick of nearly every fucking charity about autism being focused on a cure is because, instead of that money going directly to us or to our caretakers (be it family or any form of hospice/home) and having a very real positive effective, that money goes into searching for a something that might genuinely not be biologically possible.

This is sadly the common history for nearly every group under the large umbrella of Disabled People. Sign Language was discouraged and even made ILLEGAL in some countries long before there were was a reliable, safe way to allow deaf people to hear. There are THOUSANDS of horror stories about people with any form of paralysis or mobility issues being just let root and die in their beds, even after all kinds of mobility aids were invented because "it's a burden to the caretakers" and a "miserable life to live anyway." A disabled athlete in Canada has recently complained about lack of accessibility and was offered EUTHANASIA as a solution because God forbid someone has to build a ramp.

The sad reality is that many non-disabled people are only interested in helping us if the help is guaranteed to make us 100% "normal." If it will gives us a decent, and sometimes fully/mostly independent life, but not make us able-bodied/neurotypical it is NEVER considerd "good enough", and is often talked about as a "set-back for the cure." Giving us ways to communicate our needs, find emotional support, employment, or at the very least multiple sources of aid that will allow our families to not be on "caretaker mode" 24/7 and to not fear what might happen to us once they pass away is considered A SET BACK. Because we're not "cured", but are also not dead.

They're focused on trying to "solve the mystery that will totally lead us to the cure IN THE FUTURE", but never on hearing our VERY basic requests for stuff that would greately improve our lives NOW - Autism Speaks, the largest autism "charity" (hate-group that literally uses "therapy" created by nazis to "help" us) literally popularized the myths that we don't know ANYTHING about autism, how it happens or how to help people with it, and making the "official autism symbol" be a fucking puzzle piece.

The "finding a cure is more important than anything" narrative talks over the needs of EVERY autistic person in existence, including the ones that cannot express their opinion or understand their own condition enough to HAVE an opinon, and yes, including the ones that actively WANT to be "cured."

And speaking of people who do genuinely want to be "cured" of their autism: it is extremely naive of you to think there's any change a cure wouldn't be made mandatory if it existed, and that the choice would be left to the individual, or even to a parent/caretaker on the more "extreme" cases.

Like I said before, things like Sign Language were made ILLEGAL in many countries for the crime of helping disabled have a better life without curing them. We still have cases of doctors operating deaf babies/toddlers without the parents consent. Wheelchair users constantly complain that people just randomly decide to "help" them by pushing their chair towards where they assume the person wants to go, without saying a word to them, without letting them change direction and sometimes even being careless enough to fuck up the chair.

Disabled people CONSTANTLY get called stupid or selfish for not opting for long, expensive treatments that will often only TEMPORARELY make them abled-bodied because being "normal/not a burden" should be more important than anything, including the completely unnecessary and often brutal emotional turmoil of getting used to a "normal" life just go then have to get used to being disabled again. And yes, autistic peoplel, from the completely indepent ones to the ones that need constant care, who have said they would NEVER take a cure for it if one existed, ALREADY get condescending, and sometimes openly hateful, comments about it all day, every day, everywhere. For saying we don't want to take the IMAGINARY pill that can "fix" us.

Our lives are already considered lesser, our opinions are already disregarded, and our bodily autonomy is already denied constantly (see the more "harmless" things like people that think it's funny to force hugs and kisses on those of us who hate most physical contact, to doctors that have injured or KILLED us through unnecessary, often violent means of restraining us during meltdowns). If a cure existed, we'd be straight up forced, or at least constantly pressured, to take it. There's a reason WE are the only ones discussing how unethical it'd be to force us to be "cured", while most neurptypicals have not even heard of that objection, and half would get mad at us for being "ungrateful" - after all, they spent so much time, money and effort on this thing (that we've been rejecting from day one), we can't just refuse it like that!

I know you probably mean well, anon, but the sad reality is that nearly every talk of "curing" autism (and almost anything that is considered a disability) is often rooted on nothing but society's very open disgust and disdain towards our very existence, not a genuine desire to make sure we're safe and happy - and as you can imagine, we're mad that we constantly have to justify our right to be alive and actually listened to, not spoken over by people who are "trying to help" by telling us to shut up and be glad that they're trying to make us "normal."

[sphinx-myth]

CEN childhood emotional neglect.

What are emotional neglect examples? [tw abuse]

Here are 19 emotional neglect examples.

Dismissing a child’s feelings when they are upset or hurt.

Being detached, cold

Ignoring a child’s attempts to emotionally connect.

Lack of family closeness, emotional intimacy, or warmth.

Being hostile.

Saying harsh or hurtful things to a child

Making a child feel like an inconvenience or burden.

Lack of positive feedback, praise, encouragement, affection, or nurturing behaviors.

Constantly criticizing.

Not providing comfort or reassurance during times of stress.

Permitting a child’s maladaptive behavior, such as damaging properties during tantrums.

Not spending quality time with a child.

Ridiculing a child for normal emotional needs or vulnerability.

Lack of interest in a child’s life or activities.

Rejecting a child.

Showing dislike.

Exposing a child to domestic violence or abuse.

Not intervening or supporting a bullied child.

Neglecting a child’s need for affectionate physical touch, like hugs.

Here are 20 signs you were emotionally neglected as a child.

Low self-esteem

Self-criticism

Low self-worth

Depression

Anxiety

Feelings of shame

Difficulty regulating emotions

Sensitivity to criticism

Feelings of emptiness or loneliness

Difficulty discerning or expressing emotions

Emotional unavailability

Poor social skills

Struggle to connect with others

Difficulty trusting others

Isolation

Relationship challenges

Fear of abandonment or rejection

Impulsive behavior

Aggression

Substance abuse

What are the signs of emotional neglect in a child?

Aggression, such as disruptive behavior, oppositional behavior, and impulsivity

Withdrawal or passivity, some transition from passive to increasingly aggressive behavior

Anxious or avoidant behavior

Poor emotional knowledge and regulation

Difficulties interpreting emotional expressions in others

Negative self-esteem

Developmental delay due to neglect, such as language delay, failure to thrive, cognitive function development delay

Poor peer interaction and social skills

Insecure attachment, some transition from ambivalent to avoidant attachment

Dissociation

Child-related risk factors

Child-related risk factors are characteristics of children who are associated with a greater risk of neglect. The presence of these factors does not mean the neglected child is in any way responsible. The responses of neglectful parents to these factors determine whether the child is neglected or not.

Here are the 5 child-related risk factors.

Infant or younger children

Externalizing behavior

Poor social competence

Behavior disorders

Disability, including physical, intellectual, mental, multiple impairments, or complex medical needs

Parent-related risk factors

Here are 15 parent-related risk factors that increase the likelihood of a neglected childhood.

Younger parents, such as teenage parents

Difficulties in emotional regulation

Low self-esteem

Social isolation or anti-social behavior

Drug abuse

Alcohol addiction

Criminal activities

Depression

Somatic problems

Childhood abuse

Lack of parenting knowledge and skills

Gambling problems

Parental insensitivity

Unrealistic expectations of the child

Parent is emotionally unavailable due to preoccupation with personal needs

Family-related risk factors

Several studies have identified the following 6 family-related risk factors associated with family neglect.

Domestic violence

Single parent

Poor parent-child relationship or dysfunctional family dynamics

Parental perception of the child as problematic

Poverty

Poor socio-economic status

Environment-related risk factors

Researchers have found 5 living environment risk factors.

Poor community support

Inaccessible soci lsuport services

Alcohol availability and widespread consumption

Unstable environment

Cultural and social norms

Child institutionalized or placed in an orphanage

[savventeen]

purple, white, grey, and black

pairing: idol!seungcheol x gn!reader rating: M wc: 2.9k summary: you're asexual and proud, and have been for a while. so why does seeing ace pride posts sometimes churn something within you? or, the one where reader talks about where/if their asexuality and trauma intersect. warnings: implied/referenced child abuse, implied/referenced sexual childhood abuse, (these things are only talked about in the vaguest sense but please be careful), anxiety, mentions of acephobic family members tags: asexuality, asexual reader, established relationship, dialogue-heavy, emotional hurt/comfort a/n: this is a rewrite of a fic i wrote for a bts queer introspections fic fest, and i want to preface this by saying everyone's journey with asexuality is different and the one reflected here is based purely on my own personal journey. if any of you struggle with any of the same thoughts/questions reader does, that I do, i hope this can remind you that you're not alone 💜

jimbo the himbo @spaceace9393

just a friendly reminder: asexuality is a valid identity. it's not any kind of disorder, and it has nothing to do with disability, or trauma, or mental illness. we are not sick, or broken, or in need of "fixing.” we're just people who don't experience sexual attraction, that's it.

You stare at the tweet for a long, long time. Long enough that your phone screen dims before shutting off entirely, leaving you with only your reflection for company.

Your chest feels... you're not sure how to describe it, exactly. It might be a little bit like when you accidentally clogged the bathroom sink the other day — like there's something cold and murky sloshing around inside your lungs, bits of feelings you can't quite name sinking down to rest on something that's been building unseen for a while now.

Closing your eyes, you breathe in, slow and deep, and then release a shaky exhale. Your fingers start tap-tap-tapping away on your thigh as you realize that you kind of, maybe, really want to talk to someone right now.

You have your kakaotalk app open between one blink and the next.

you

cheollie? are u still at one of the hybe studios?

cheollie 🧡

yeah i'm still here not working on anything too important rn tho so you can swing by if you want i have extra ramyeon packs that soonyoung dropped off they're the spicy kind you like

You can't help but smile softly to yourself. Even though the anxiety of what you want to talk about makes your heart race, you don't think you'll ever stop being endeared by Choi Seungcheol.

you

cheollie ur the best ily ❤️ see u soon ~

cheollie 🧡

love you too ❤️

You quickly throw on your comfiest hoodie, threadbare and fraying at the seams, and you make your way over to the Hybe building. You also stop at a convenience store on the way, grabbing a canned coffee for each of you because you're a good partner like that.

By the time you get to the door of the studio, though, what little confidence you'd built up for yourself starts to fizzle out, replaced by the anxiety simmering on low just beneath your skin. The confusing feelings are still sloshing around inside your chest, so much so that you think about knocking even though you haven't knocked in months — not since Seungcheol started texting you the code of whatever studio he was working in at the time.

Groaning to yourself, you smack the edge of your phone against your forehead a few times before quickly punching in the code and opening the door before you can talk yourself out of it.

Seungcheol is slouched comically in the chair, head so low it's practically leaning against the armrest as his socked feet rest propped up on any empty corner of the desk. The computer's wireless keyboard is cradled against his chest and stomach, keys down, and he's using its smooth back as a makeshift mousepad. ...To play Solitaire of all things, you realize.

You stand there, just blinking for a moment as you process the image in front of you. He looks so stupid and cute and you can't help the grin that pushes against your cheeks.

"Cheol," you giggle. "What the fuck."

"Shhhhhhhh..." Seungcheol's eyes don't leave the monitor. "Don't question the process."

You snort as you finally close the door and walk over to set his canned coffee on the desk, on the opposite side his feet are propped up.

"What process?" You stand over him, folding your arms across your chest as you try to keep a straight face. Raising an eyebrow at his posture, you ask, "The one where you turn into a slouchy slug?"

"Hey!" Seungcheol swings the keyboard into your hip like he's trying to chop down a tree, making you double over even as you start giggling. "I am not a slug, how dare you!"

You just laugh louder and playfully shove his chair away from the desk. He yelps in surprise as his feet suddenly fall to the floor and he nearly topples over, and then he turns the full force of his pout upon you.

"I can't believe my very own partner is trying to kill me," he laments. "What did I do to deserve such betrayal? Did Jeonghan put you up to this?"

"Aww, poor aegi," you coo. You walk over to him and squish his cheeks between your palms so that his lips pucker out comically. "My poor little guppy wuppy."

His dark brows furrow harder and you let out an oof when he jabs you in the stomach with the wireless keyboard he'd managed to hang onto in the chaos, letting go of his face. It wasn't hard enough to hurt (never is) and you just stick your tongue out at him in retaliation.

He rolls his eyes and points to the couch. "Go have a seat, traitor."

You acquiesce with a soft snort, burying yourself in the corner while Seungcheol tidies up the studio. You pull one of the throw pillows into your lap and very quickly end up hugging it tightly to your chest.

For a few blissful moments, you'd forgotten about all of the confused, anxious things swimming around inside of you — forgotten the main reason you'd come here in the first place.

You must zone out, because the next thing you know, Seungcheol is squatting in front of you and trying to catch your eye, one hand gently squeezing your knee. "Hey, Y/n-ah. You doing okay over here? Want me to take you home?"

His eyes are wide and earnest, worry lightly furrowing his brow, and you will never cease to be grateful for how much he embodies unconditional care and comfort.

Shaking your head, you reach out to clasp the hand on your knee. "No, 'm fine." You tug on his hand, a silent request to come sit next to you. "Just wanna talk to you, if that's okay."

"Of course it's okay," he promises. "Always."

When he sits, he leaves a sliver of space between the two of you, leaving it up to you to decide how much (if any) physical comfort you want right now. That simple, little act of thoughtfulness is like the glimpse of a lighthouse amidst the storm that's brewing within your ribcage, and it gives you the courage you need to hoist your metaphorical sails and let the wind take you where you need to go.

You waste no time in anchoring yourself to Seungcheol's side, throwing your legs over his lap and burying your face into his collarbone.

"Hey, jagiya, hey, you're okay," he soothes automatically. His hands come up to wrap around you, pulling you close and rubbing soothing arcs up and down your back. "You're okay. I'm here to listen, yeah? I'm here."

He doesn't say anything else after that, just settles a bit more into the couch and waits for you to speak, always so full of patience when it counts.

It does take a while for you to say anything, mostly because you don't really know where to start. There's still so much swirling around inside you, murky and confusing, that you're not really sure if there is a start.

And a part of you wonders if it's even worth opening up your mouth at this point — the same part of you that's always walked hand-in-hand with your shame and doubt.

But Seungcheol's breathing is a steady rise and fall against your chaotic thoughts, his heartbeat a siren song reminding you that he has always held your hopes and dreams and fears and questions oh so carefully in the palms of his hands.

Eventually, you realize that it doesn't really matter where you start as long as you jump in. So jump you do. "Cheol?"

"Hmm?"

"Do— do you remember when I came out to you and the rest of the group as ace?"

" 'Course I do," he assures warmly, giving you a small squeeze. "Still so proud of you."

You hum happily. But your anxiety is making you feel fidgety again, so you pull one of Seungcheol's arms down into your lap so you can play with his long, sturdy fingers. He lets you do it without complaint, and something within you settles.

You let yourself breathe in, breathe out.

"After you guys," you start, bending and unbending his fingers one by one, "the first person I ever came out to was my mom, you know? And it's— it wasn't that she wasn't supportive. Or like, I think she was trying to be supportive, at least, but." You take a breath. "Do you wanna know what the first words out of her mouth were, after I told her that I was ace?"

Seungcheol hums an encouragement, pulling you impossibly closer with the one arm he still has wrapped around your back. You take another breath, uncurling all of his fingers and holding the spread-out digits in both hands, almost like you're going to try and read his palm.

You breathe in, breathe out. "She said— without any hesitation, she said, 'Oh, is it because of your trauma?'"

You feel the way Seungcheol tenses beneath you, watch the way his fingers twitch between yours like he's trying not to curl them into a fist.

"And I didn't know how to respond to that," you continue, keeping your eyes down, "so I just said 'I don't know, probably.'" You give the same little helpless shrug you'd given then, small and defeated, and you use the motion to hunch your shoulders a little more.

"Y/n-ah. That's..." Seungcheol starts, voice a little rough around the edges like he's trying to keep some big emotion from breaking through. "I can't imagine what that must've felt like."

And you know, you know, that he's filling in the blanks. That he's taking the words 'trauma' and 'asexuality' and drawing conclusions that probably aren't too far from the truth.

You grip his hand tightly between yours and tuck it against your chest like a child clings to a favorite stuffed animal; he presses a gentle kiss to the crown of your head. You both breathe — in, out.

"Yeah. It didn't— it didn't feel great," you admit, an understatement. "And she's not the only one, either. Every single family member I've come out to, every single one of them— that question has always been the first thing to come out of their mouth."

The faces of those family members flash before you, all carrying the same expression — pity, one etched so deep it felt (feels) almost condescending. "Is it because of your trauma?" "Is it because of what happened to you? Did he make you like this?"

"And I just..." You flail the hand not clutching Seungcheol's, searching for a way to put into words what you've been feeling for so, so long. "I have this knowledge living inside me at all times that, to the family members that I'm out to— they'll never see my asexuality as something to celebrate. All they will ever see is my trauma and how this part of myself is something that comes from a broken place."

You think about the tweet from earlier, the hundreds of others you've seen like it, and feel tears begin to gather.

Sniffling, you continue. "And then I'll go on the internet and see all kinds of ace pride and posts about how we're valid and don't need to be fixed and... and I know that. Logically, I know that my ace-ness isn't something that needs to be changed, isn't something that could change, even if I wanted it to, but..."

But.

For so, so long, you have had no idea how to finish that sentence. And it feels like some kind of defeat when you realize you still don't have an answer. "...I don't know," you shrug, helplessly.

Seungcheol presses another kiss to the top of your head, staying silent like he knows you still have more to say. He keeps a steady rhythm of slowly rubbing his free hand up and down your back, a tactile metronome for you to follow.

After a few minutes, you continue with a sigh. "About once a year, I'll talk with my aunt, and she never fails to ask if I'm "still ace" and... I just..." You cut yourself off with a frustrated groan.

"S'okay, aegi," Seungcheol whispers, squeezing the hand you're still holding close to your chest.

"Sometimes it feels like my ace-ness is tainted, you know?"

Even as the sentence feels punched out of you, it's such a bitter relief to finally admit it out loud. Because even though you've never really let yourself put it into words, you are finally able to recognize that this is one of the murky feelings that has been weighing you down — collecting in your subconscious like debris in the gutter. "And it's why bringing up my past can be so difficult for me. Because I'm so scared that people will go from just accepting my asexuality to thinking 'Ah, that explains it.' Like I just gave them the missing piece to a puzzle or something, when before it was just a part of who I am.

"And there's also a part of me that feels like... I don't know, that I'd just be adding fuel to the fire for all the people who like to shit on asexuality. That I'm just an example of why people who think they're ace are just traumatized and need therapy. But... I think I would have always been ace, no matter what happened or didn't happen to me as a kid. And I just...

"I don't know, Cheol," you croak, the tears you've been trying so hard to keep in finally starting to cascade down your cheeks. "I don't know how to feel anymore. I don't know where to fit. If I fit. If it even matters whether I fit or not."

And really, now that you've talked it out a bit, it essentially boils down to one thing.

"I guess— I guess what I'm saying is that I just want to be able to feel like I can be ace and a little bit broken at the same time. That I can be a work in progress and still something... worth celebrating."

You tuck your free hand into the sleeve of your hoodie and use it to wipe away the tears that are still falling. Seungcheol's next exhale shudders a little bit out of his chest, and then he's letting go of your hand so he can cradle your jaw and tenderly wipe at the tears himself.

"Hey, jagiya, will you look at me, please? Will you let me look at you?"

You nod, the lump in your throat having doubled in size between one moment and the next, and he gently lifts your chin until you're eye-to-eye.

"There you are," he murmurs, with a sad lopsided smile. You notice he has tear tracks of his own, and looking into his big, glassy eyes aches and soothes in equal measure. "I'm going to tell you something very important, so I need you to listen carefully, okay? Can you do that for me?"

Again, you nod, swallowing thickly.

Seungcheol's expression quickly melts into something serious. Not something scary, but something solid — a firm foundation for you to rely on.

"Y/n L/n. You will always, always be something worth celebrating. Being a work in progress is a part of life, and you and I and everyone else on this planet will be one until the day we die. I may not know all the answers, and we might never find the ones we're looking for, but if I know anything, it's this: not a day has gone by since getting to know you that I am not so, so incredibly proud of you — of the person that you are and that you are continuously becoming. More than I can really put into words."

You think you could drown in all of the love and support and affection pouring out of Seuncheol, overwhelming you in the best way. It's like your heart has capsized and all of the ooey-gooey feelings are flooding in, pulling you down deeper, deeper, deeper still.

But you've hit your emotional threshold for the day and decide to cut the moment the best way you know how. "Even when I'm an annoying little shit?" you choke out past your now-stuffed nose.

Seungcheol laughs wetly and wraps his arms around you again, tilting you both over so you're both mostly lying down on the couch. "I think maybe especially then," he murmurs, mostly to himself. Louder, he says, "I think we've earned ourselves a nice nap, what do you think?"

You think that sounds heavenly, and you both adjust your positions until you're comfortable and you can feel sleep pulling at your consciousness. Before you let it claim you, though, you take a few moments to breathe.

It feels a bit easier than before, the breathing. The stuff sloshing around inside your lungs doesn't feel as murky as it did before, doesn't feel as suffocating now that you've been able to bale some of it out. You don't have any more answers than you did before, but you have a bit more peace.

And as you finally drift off to Seungcheol's quiet, snuffling snores, you think that having a bit more peace might be enough for now.

[algumaideia]

Leo's arc: Disability and Trauma

Happy disability awarerness and pride month.

I also discussed about his arc and queerness if you are interested.

This essay is not cohesive.

The main problem with Leo in hoo was his loneliness and inability to connect in a meaningful way with other people. Reducing those very complex problems to a need for a girlfriend and treating getting one as a solution was a terrible ending to Leo's arc.

Leo’s problems are brought up in some key moments: his conversation with Hephaestus, his conversation with Nemesis, the time he talked about why he makes jokes, and particularly to me, his conversation with Jason post Medea.

At the same time Leo has a fear of being left alone he also can’t bring himself to let people come too close to him. This can clearly be traced back to his mother’s death. The person he loved the most and was the closest to died “because” of him which later made all his family abandon him, and there is also his problem with the adoptive families that was never specified. To add to this Leo was also a weird kid, not what people consider the default, since he has adhd, is mexican and we see him having problems for not fitting the “ideal of masculinity”.

This rejection by his family and peers, plus his disability, made him feel very inadequate while looking for ways to fit enough to not be bullied, but not at the point of really forming any connections.

The guilt he feels for his mother and his trust broken by his family added a new wall between him and the rest of the world. Those things were a matter of protecting himself. Trying to not get himself hurt while also not really allowing him to hurt anyone.

I think Rick made a good job at establishing how trauma shaped Leo. He is evasive, doesn’t know and like to deal with his negative emotions so he jokes, he is aware he can be seen as annoying unintentionally so he is annoying intentionally.

Everything about him is about the fear of rejection, the fear of intimacy and not knowing how to connect meaningfully with people. 

And thinking about it, it makes sense he is so focused on wanting a girlfriend. A girlfriend “gives” him the feeling of being desired, wanted, of havings something good and special, a connection because we are set to see romantic relationships as more important and deep than platonic relationships and it validates his masculinity.

However, getting a girlfriend wouldn’t solve any of his problems. Maybe it could offer some momentary relief, but it obviously wouldn’t solve his trauma and make him learn how to connect with people and go through his fears. 

It also doesn’t help how Calypso and Leo interact. We often see Calypso saying bad things about Leo, someone with low self-esteem, being mad and fighting when what Leo most needs is reaffirmation and security within a relationship, romantic or not.

Disregarding Leo’s trauma and how his disability plays into it just to pretend everything is alright when a girl accepts to date him is very bad writing.

And talking about adhd, I’m no expert and I do not have the disorder, but neurodivergent people often have problems maintaining relationships, and people with adhd also struggle with social cues, masking, finding coping mechanisms to deal with the anxiety and rejection. 

The point is, the set up of Leo’s arc was good, but the ending was beyond terrible.

[hauntedpenguinobservation]

Carpe Noctem - Intro Post

DEMO - tba

You are a nobody. A supposedly ordinary human in a world full of powerful beings. Your life is all in all pretty average if not bordering on mind-numbing, like watching paint dry... That is until you were kidnapped and tossed into one especially small carriage to be delivered somewhere only the ancients knew of.

From now on nothing will ever be the same and you need to adapt to the ever-changing outside world as fast as possible. All the while trying to decipher your past and with that your part in an every-growing political conflict that borders to develop into an all out war the world has yet to see.

General content warnings: Bigotry & prejudice, horror elements, interspecies awkwardness, explicit language, depictions of violence, injuries, blood and death, explicit sexual content (if selected), flashbacks of a dark past to unveil, sprinkled with some homophobia here and there & general an unfair treatment of people with disabilities.

FEATURES

-> customizable MC (name, pronouns, appearance, identity)

-> semi-set personality due to evolve (MCs reclusive upbringing)

-> 5 characters to romance (3 in book 1, not sure if the other two will follow, they'll probably be fully romanceable in book 2)

-> POVs of the ROs included

-> an open-minded author that is inclined to change NPCs to fully fledged ROs depending on the general opinion/wishes of readers

-> an emotional roller coaster, all in all nothing for ppl that want a light-hearted theme

-> later on you'll be able to choose part of your race (vampires, merpeople, demons, shapeshifters, phoenixes -and many more) & with that you can determine and further develop your special skillset.

romanceable characters:

the master [Alois|Alice|Alix] (m|f|n) 24 winters

Aloof, cold eyes and reclusive as fuck. And your esteemed master -as if any of you actually want this dynamic... A hates you and your position, especially the hidden context it supplies to everyone they meet...

A has silver eyes that always seem distant, defined cheek bones with mostly soft facial features and long, silver hair. A wears fine dark clothing without other prominent features to despict their wealth.

Content warnings for A's route: denial of feelings aka one of the slowest burns imaginable, domestic violence, implied/referenced rape/non-con, anxiety attacks, self-harm, angst & hurt/comfort

the protector [Leto] (m|f|n) too many to count

Leto is a raven-like creature most would describe as monstrous-looking. They are rarely seen and the few moments they are, death is certain. For many commoners it's enough to see one of Leto's black feathers to warrant a swift escape.

Their past eludes them and you have to wonder - why does some antics of them seem kinda...familiar?

Content warnings for Leto's route: survivor-guilt, body dysphoria, touch-starved, angst, hurt/comfort, captivity & enslavement, torture, ptsd

the assassin [Zane|Zoey] (m|f) 28 winters

Z is everything their mother wanted them to be. Her own personal weapon. One she is now inclined to use for her vendetta against you.

They have dark brown hair with intelligent hazel eyes that seem to observe their surroundings constantly. They were raised with stories about you, stories you know nothing about. How can it be that Z seems to know more of you and your family than you yourself?

Should it worry you that they sound extremely resolute in stating their sole purpose is to rid the world of your existance?

Content warnings for Z's route: enemies to frenemies to lovers, eating disorder, alcohol-addiction, a tendency of morbid jealousy, past emotional abuse & manipulation

??? [redacted]

??? [also redacted]

more info tba

Small note of the author:

Everything is slow burn in this - even the character customization, cause I want to add those moments seamlessly into the story.

I tend to take my time. You can expect me to heavily focus on the characters and their feelings, with a slight disregard to describing the environment and such. I work with minimalistic efforts to still give a sense of what I imagine everything to be but with the intention to leave fine details to the reader's own imagination.

I'll try to be considerate of everyone's preferences, especially in the more kinky parts of the story. There'll be versions for more assertive characters as well as more passive one's. Though I should add that the ROs all have their own set of bias that they prefer. However there will be growth throughout the story, including that.

The gravity of your choices will intensify throughout book 1, especially as you get to know the Circle and the Court and every other political hive of intrigue.

And yes. You can die. The ROs can die. Almost everyone will be able to at some point, I guess. Though I don't like the idea of writing a total distopia, don't expect me to change my mind regarding that one that easily.

More infos will be added over time. I'll post lore snippets of my sketchbook soon, like the worldmap, the general outlines of the Circle & the Court, the different races and such.

Asks are welcomed.

[inevitably-johnlocked]

Do you have any long domestic fics like 100k+? Like we are stuck in happy ever after

Hey Nonny!

Ah, this is a good question!

I've gone through all my Platonics and Domestics (Dec 2022) Johnlock lists as well as my offline lists, and I've decided to do a 50K+ list so I can have MOAR FICS lol. Hope that's okay!!

Enjoy!

If you have a long-fic that focuses heavily on Domestics with a happy ending, please do add them, friends!

LONG DOMESTIC JOHNLOCK (50K+ w)

A Study Of Living With Sherlock Holmes by  AllesandraQuartermaine (T, 50,234 w., 22 Ch. || Post-ASiP/Pre-TAB, Domestics, Friendship, POV John) – Learn about what happened between John and Sherlock January 31st and March 22. From John's pov on how to survive and learn to live with one eccentric mad genius known as Sherlock Holmes. 

A Hundred Crimson Sols by elldotsee (E, 55,536 w., 16 Ch. || Astronauts AU || Mars Exploration / Space Travel, Slow Burn, Shy Sherlock, Scientist Sherlock / Biomed Engineer John, Alternating POV, Mutual Pining, UST, Angst with Happy Ending, Domestic Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, Injuries, Suicidal Ideation, Zero-G Sex) – Will Holmes is a chemical researcher recognized widely for his contributions to the new Mars exploration program. Thanks to his ground-breaking developments, the IMMC (International Mars Mission Corporation) is one step closer to Martian colonization. Will and his team of scientists are headed out on the first of three manned missions before the first group of settlers arrive. Three days before launch, one of the crew has to be replaced. Will panics because...new people. The replacement is of course one John Watson, biomedical engineer and space hottie who was pretty sure he had retired from actual space exploration and was now content to work in the nice, quiet research lab. Can the crew survive this TOTALLY ROUTINE trip? Will they be able to endure each other for the looooooong trip in close quarters? Gonna be a wild ride... prepare for blast off. Part 1 of SpaceBois go to Space

Isosceles by SilentAuror (E, 56,609 w., 7 Ch. || Post-S4, POV John, Original Male Character / Sherlock Dates Another Man, Love Triangle, Jealous John, Virgin Sherlock, Sexual Coaching, Angst, Romance, Domesticity, Unrequited Feelings, Miscommunication, First Kiss/Time, For a Case, Friends With Benefits, Bottomlock, Love Confessions, Spooning) – After solving a case for a major celebrity, Sherlock gets himself asked out. When John asks, he discovers that Sherlock has no intention of going, at least not until John agrees to coach him through whatever he might need to know for his date...

The Book of Silence by SilentAuror (E, 60,056 w., 2 Ch. || S4 Fix It / Post S4, Virgin Sherlock, Rosie / Parentlock, Domesticity, Fluff, Praise Kink, Sex Toys, First Person POV) – As spring blooms in London, John and Sherlock begin to take new cases and cautiously negotiate this new phase of life with John living at Baker Street again. Despite how well it's all going, John struggles to forgive himself for the way he treated Sherlock following Mary’s death as well as trying to figure out how to finally put his long-time feelings for Sherlock into words. Part 1 of The Book of Silence/Rosa Felicia

Proving A Point by elldotsee & J_Baillier (E, 186,270 w., 28 Ch. || PODFIC AVAILABLE || Me Before You Fusion || Medical Realism, Insecure John, Depression, Romance, Angst, POV John, Sherlock Whump, Serious Illness, Doctor John, Injury Recovery, Assisted Suicide, Sherlock’s Violin, Awkward Sexual Situations, Alcoholism, Drugs, Idiots in Love, Slow Burn, Body Image, Friends to Lovers, Hurt / Comfort, Pain, Big Brother Mycroft, Intimacy, Anxiety, PTSD, Family Issues, Psychological Trauma, John Whump, Case Fics, Loneliness, Pain) – Invalided home from Afghanistan, running out of funds and convinced that his surgical career is over, John Watson accepts a mysterious job offer to provide care and companionship for a disabled person. Little does he know how much hangs in the balance of his performance as he settles into his new life at Musgrave Court. Part 1 of the Care And Companionship series

MARKED FOR LATER

The Homecoming Series by sussexbound (M, 51,744 w. across 12 stories, WIP || Domestics, PTSD, Love Confessions, Hurt/Comfort, Cuddling, Jealousy, Family Issues) – Sometimes home is all you need. After three years of horror, betrayals, and crushing loss, John and Sherlock find their way back home to one another, and together find new footing in a world that has changed forever.

Your Many Tendencies Series by apliddell (T, 52,222+ w. across 5 works || WiP || Femlock, POC Characters, Enby Character, Sherlock’s Violin, YouTuber John, UST, Mutual Pining, Misunderstandings, Slow Burn, Domesticity, Fluff, Recreational Drug Use, Friends to Lovers, Sherlock’s Past, First Kiss, Love Confessions, John’s Family, Christmas, Anxious Sherlock, Hurt / Comfort, Institutional Racism) – John Watson returns to London after a long absence, somewhat the worse for wear. She meets Sherlock Holmes, and starts feeling excited about life again.

Following the (Silver) Fox by Jobooksandcoffee (E, 54,355 w., 15 Ch. || S3 Fix It Fic, Sherstrade, John/Mary, Slow Burn, Friends to Lovers, Pining Sherlock, Resentful John, Regretful John, Domestic Life, Drug Use, Happy Ending, Greg’s Children, Friendship, Unrequited Love) – After two lonely and painful years away eliminating the threads of Moriarty’s web, Sherlock comes home to find John living with Mary. John is also hurt and resentful, determined to not allow Sherlock to undermine his relationship with his new fiancée. Greg, who always thought Sherlock and John belonged together, becomes a closer friend to Sherlock. He gives the Consulting Detective a place to stay, a friend to have dinner with, someone who will listen to him. He tries to keep all interfering feelings at bay. As Sherlock notices his friendship with Greg becomes stronger, he begins to accept that maybe he can be alright even with John not living at Baker Street any more. He and Lestrade can work at the Yard, and talk about cases. Greg is good at rescuing Sherlock when John and Mary’s wedding preparations get intense. They are friends. This is enough for Sherlock. Right?

Hearts Don't Break Around Here by thatawkwardfriend (M, 54,796 w, 12 Ch. || Teenager AU || Homophobia, Past Abuse, Artistic John, John saves Sherlock, BAMF John, Horse Riding, Swimming, Minor Violence, First Kiss / Time, Making Out, Fireworks, Carnival, Fluff and Humour, Angst with Happy Ending, Death / Funeral, Hurt / Comfort, Morning After, Domestic Fluff, Friends to Lovers, Mutual Pining) – When John gets in a fight at school, his parents send him to Sussex for the summer in hopes that living with the Holmes’ will shape him up. It is there that he meets Sherlock Holmes: a class A asshole too smart for his own good. John expects a long, dull, lonely summer. What he does not expect is to form an unlikely friendship with the strange boy across the hall. What he expects even less is to fall in love with him.

Ours Series by KeelieThompson1 (M, 76,922 w. across 7 works || Omegaverse || Omega John, Alpha Sherlock, Domestics, MPreg, Pre/Post Reichenbach) – John is an omega who has been on heat suppressants his entire life. When Sherlock realises this and shows an interest in John, they have to work their way through the problems caused by John having never had a real heat in his life.

The Things That Haunt Us by BRNZ (E, 92,993+ w., 18/? Ch. || Graphic Depictions of Violence, Dead People, Child Death, PTSD John, Psychological Horror, Nightmares, Bed Sharing, Heavy Angst, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Developing Relationship, Childhood Trauma, Domestic Bliss, BAMF John, Friendship / Love, POV John, Pining John, Therapy) – What happens when a post war vet with PTSD takes up with a madman detective and they spend time investigating and solving some truly horrific crimes? How does the doctor who can kill with steady hand process all that additional trauma? How do we recognise that our past still haunts us, in ways we don't realise? When you are caught in a vicious cycle of needing the thrill of the chase, and having to deal with the fallout...what happens when you might need to choose between the two for your own sanity? The story of how two damaged men managed to find their way back to each other and begin to make a future together.

The Trouble with Sentiment by Khansfringe (E, 95,153 w., 16 Ch. || Omegaverse || Omega Sherlock, Alpha John, Knotting, Blow Jobs, Rough Sex, Pregnancy Prevention, Love Letters, Soldier John, Fingerfucking, Heat Suppressants, Implied Alcoholism, Implied Drug Use, Mating Cycles, PTSD Symptoms, Slave Trading, Angst, Fluff, Domesticity) – When John, a twenty-two year old Alpha university student, gets dragged to an Omega auction house by his friend, Mike Stamford, he wasn't planning on buying anything. At least, not until he saw Sherlock, the eighteen year old, emaciated Omega with trust issues. Now John and Sherlock have to find a way to work through both of their troubles, including Sherlock's tragic past and John's volunteering to join the army. Part 1 of the Always series

A Vintage Exceptionally to Your Liking by EmmyAngua (E, 95,334 w., 19 Ch. || Alternate Dimensions AU || S3 Fix It, Lies, Angst, Pining Sherlock, Superpowers, Domestics, BAMF Mary, Hiatus, First Time, Magical Realism, Slow Burn, Colliding Universes, Moral Dilemmas, Betrayal, Mary’s Past) – Sherlock and John met seven years earlier than canon and fell in love. When John dies, Sherlock is introduced to the concept of alternate dimensions and given the opportunity to visit a different universe where he can have a second chance with a new John Watson. A love story across alternate dimensions.

Minutiae (Or 156 Things I Know About You) by AtlinMerrick (E, 106,114 w., 80 Ch. || Marriage, Anal/Oral Sex, Domestics, Stand Alone Chapters, Humour, Prompts, Lovers, Short Stories) – Here, in no particular order, are some of the things John has learned about Sherlock, and some of the things Sherlock has learned about John. In the end there will be 156 mundane and unusual facts for each of them. (Um...I never stopped at 156.) (All chapters stand alone.)

Ex Files by 7PercentSolution (T, 161,586+ w., 58/? Ch. || Autistic Sherlock, Blogger John, Neurodiversity, Depression, Suicidal Ideations, Kidlock, Chemistry, Protective Mycroft, Bullying, Sherlock’s Violin, Case Fic, Missing Scene, Implied/Referenced Drug Use, Domesticity in Flatsharing) – A collection of one shot stand alone ficlets of varying lengths that cover aspects of Sherlock's world. Not in chronological order, nor linked, but together adding up. Varying points of view, but mostly John's at the start. Each chapter informs and illuminates some aspect of character or an event in their back story. Part 1 of the Ex Files series

The Only One in the World; I Invented the Job by apliddell (E, 323,869 w., 460 Ch. || Post-TRF, Developing Relationship, Flirting, Texting, POV Sherlock First Person, Domestic Fluff) – This is the sequel to The Adventure of the Consulting Corpse. It's a serial with short plot arcs and long characterisation arcs. It follows John and Sherlock through the development of their relationship. Part 2 of the The Most Human series

Reichenbach Falls by VeeTheRee (M, 536,133+ w., 101/303 Ch. || WiP || Gravity Falls /  Multifandom AU || Alternate First Meeting, Gay Sherlock, Mutual Pining, Unilock, Summer Romance/Love, Fluff, Insecure Sherlock, Villain Mary, First Kiss, Slow Burn, Doctor Who, Supernatural, Canadian John, French Canadian Lestrade, Insecure Sherlock, Mystery, Domestic Fluff, Developing Relationship Summer Love, Light Angst, BAMF! John, Case Fic) – Two Canadians, two Brits studying in Canada, and an upkeeper walk into a Mystery Shack…. and live there. Summer holidays are here, and the step-siblings, Irene Adler and Sherlock Holmes, find themselves in a boring town called Reichenbach Falls, Oregon, USA. It isn’t as boring as it seems, however, once Sherlock stumbles upon a mystery journal, and the author is unknown. The journal contains ciphers, a strange colour wheel, and information about magical creatures that are said to be looming in the Northwestern forests. With mysteries to solve in hand, he and Irene set out to get to the roots of the town, and the abrupt disappearance of the author of the journal. But they’re not alone - John Watson, quite the handsome nephew of the Mystery Shack owner Greg Lestrade, is on their side to help out, plus mess with Sherlock’s feelings, in a good way. Shenanigans, romance, fun, danger, and deductions ensue. Oh, and there’s also occasional SuperWhoLock and two dorky Winchester brothers to spark up the action later on. Part 1 of the Reichenbach Falls series

[cat-vase]

WOE. BRYCE HAS PCBD ESSAY BE UPON YE. Talk of mental health and drugs/alcohol/car crashes/death/self harm! He is going through it.

---

This is all based on the theory that Stella died in a car crash!

PCBD (Persistent Complex Bereavement Disorder. I'm not typing this out every time it is way too long) is also called Complicated Grief! You will get different google pages if you type both in but they're the same thing, which is why I'm mentioning it. It's where, for at least a year (it's been 10 for Bryce. Yikes.) you're stuck in grief related to the loss of a loved one, and your feelings are disabling in nature. With PCBD you can basically never reach the acceptance phase: you're stuck in one of the other ones, usually denial (the first one). But that's not the case here! For Bryce! Because screw him even more! 

Risk factors include: 

If the death was especially violent and/or unexpected ✅

If you were dependent on the loved one or vice versa ✅

If you have a history of mental health issues❔(This is where most of his mental health issues spawned from? He was likely mostly fine prior. So like... kind of.)

If you were neglected or abused as a child ✅

If you have a lack of a support system ✅

If you have prior resistance to life changes❔(Again: he seems pretty resistant to/scared of change now, not before)

If anything involves children. No seriously this just makes everything 1000x worse. ❌ (He very much had graduated high school! Though you can graduate early/your birthday is just... after you graduate... which could've made him 17! Though I like to believe the accident was at least a little after then, maybe like 6 months, not the day of. It makes it hurt more! The fact that they had plans and were going to finally both be out of their parent's house and move on and then! ...... They didn't. So Bryce was super young, yes, but not a child.) 

Some stuff I want to point out about symptoms (lifted from the DSM-5)!!!

"Persistent yearning/longing for the deceased"

"Preoccupation with the deceased"

"A desire to die in order to be with the deceased"

That last one is especially the most important, I feel!!! Because that's canon. ...Okay, maybe I'm reaching a bit, but when he and Liam die on that smokestack he is brought back to his childhood home (canonically not always a good place to be!) and Stella is there. And multiple times in the montage he tries to go with her! Despite Liam pulling him back every single time! He's dead and the only thing he wants is to be with his sister again!!! That's the one person he cares most about in his life and she's been dead for 10 years!!! He doesn't really have friends, he doesn't seem to keep in touch with any other family he might have, someone alive that he considers a friend later on is right there, but he just wants to be with her! That's fucking canon!!!!!

"Intense sorrow/emotional pain in response to the death"

"Preoccupation with the circumstances of the death"

"Experiencing disbelief/emotional numbness over the loss"

"Maladaptive appraisals about oneself in relation to the deceased, as in self-blame"

("Maladaptive behaviors are actions that prevent people from adapting, adjusting, or participating in different aspects of life" As in daydreaming, masking your emotions to a constant level, self-harm (including drugs and alcohol), angry outbursts, or not attending social situations.)

This, I think, can all be related to the car crash!

And has overlap with a lot of PTSD symptoms, but PTSD and Depression (and Anxiety, but that doesn't apply here too much?) both overlap with PCBD/are comorbid, so that makes sense. The especially violent manner in which she died definitely would stir a lot of these feelings up, especially the self blame. I think deep down, buried beneath a lot of these other feelings he wont let himself express since he hasnt been to therapy for anything and he just drinks a 6 pack a day to deal with it, the self blame for the accident and/or Stella's death in general is the reason he's been stuck on it for 10 years now. In canon he says he hasn't tried again until now, until after this thing happened that reminded him things could be and are worse (and normally I wouldn't advocate for comparing trauma like that, but it worked for him, so...?), and he looks so crushed when he admits he's been stuck in anhedonia and apathy and complacency for so, so long even though he does have the ability to pick himself up a little bit, he can do it, please don't take it away from him again please don't leave again he can't do it over and over and over. So a lot of these feelings regarding the accident and her death are very repressed, which just makes it worse (instead of healing through your grief, with PCBD it just gets worse the longer it goes on without any help), and therefore makes any responses he has to these emotions worse in turn, which circles back around to but what if it was different, if he had done something different, if it had been him instead. 

"Feeling alone/detached from other individuals since the death"

"Feeling that life is meaningless/empty without the deceased"

"Confusion about one's role in life"

"Difficulty/reluctance to pursue interests since the loss"

"Bitterness/anger related to the loss"

"The disturbance causes clinically significant distress/impairment"

"The bereavement is out of proportion/inconsistent with culture or age-appropriate norms" 

I kind of went into this already on accident? but I think this group can dive into the life we see him leading before ONE! The fact that it's so repetitive and miserable, he buries all of his emotions for fear/dislike/inability of working through them, he has maybe 2 people he talks to and it's definitely not regularly, he's alive not for any reason it looks like, just because he's supposed to be. And it's been 10 years since Stella's death, 10 years!!!! That's such a long time to be burdened with those feelings of regret and misery and inability to change and he needs someone to talk to! Not to bring up his alcoholism again but I'm bringing up his alcoholism again because it's definitely a coping mechanism, and he might not even see it as that bad because maybe his mom was into drugs, I don't know? "At least I'm not as bad as her" type thing, y'know? "I can drive because I'm not as impaired as my mom and she didnt get in trouble for it" y'know? Which, by the way. Could also be a form of ideation. He's not trying to die, but if he did? Would it really matter? He wouldn’t feel any different than how he does now. Yeah? Am I making sense? 

There's also "avoidance of reminders of the loss" but that's the only one I don't agree with, really. Since it was a car crash and he still drives and he still has the picture with Stella in it and everything. I think his problem is that he thinks about it too much but likes to pretend he doesn’t. But that's just a personal interpretation thing! Maybe I'm projecting too much and distorting canon! I don't know! 

Anyways! Some stuff not from the DSM-5 that I've found that I think I should bring up! 

Apparently a lot of people report having hallucinations of the deceased! Full auditory and visual hallucinations! So do with that what you will! 

"Some individuals with PCBD report not wanting to move on from bereavement because they feel they would be betraying the deceased." After 10 years this might be part of his mindset. Not consciously, of course, but that's his big sister. He's not supposed to disappoint her, he's not supposed to be like this, his life was supposed to go differently than it did! 

I forgot to mention that earlier, holy shit. Ok so with the accident happening at that transitional period in his life, from high school to becoming an adult, it invokes a feeling of "things should have and were supposed to go differently" that you cant really... stop? In any way? But the whole point of PCBD is that you can't move on, not without a lot of help, and so i feel that feeling of "supposed to" would stick with him and that also influences his life up until this point as well. Because she's supposed to still be here, and they're supposed to be happy, and he can't be happy now that things aren't the same anymore, and yeah betrayal is also a big emotion for him I feel. 

Ok I think that's everything. He really really needs therapy, that's literally the only way to treat PCBD (antidepressants would help for sure! But it wouldnt cure it per se), he needs therapy and a support system for once in his life and he needs to trust people enough to talk to them.

Actually, maybe there is a little bit of denial in there. The first thing we hear Bryce say is "this isn't real. this isn't real." 

Which! To give him credit, that absolutely seems like a nightmare scenario (and it was!), but also when Liam shows up at his door he also acts like that isn't real either. And finding Texty wasn't real, despite all the evidence in front of him. So! Y'know! Denial is still there, unlike what I said before, just maybe not as prevalent as usual.

[daffodilhorizon]

i've always been outspoken about equal rights. It started with posts about mental illness stigma. Since being traumatized as a child, i've struggled with depression and anxiety. I opened up about this, in hopes others would feel inspired to share their stories. There's every reason why suffering from mental illness should not happen alone. Then i started talking about gay rights and biphobia and feminism and #metoo and the patriarchy. I tirelessly educated on rape culture and mansplaining. I went hard on telling people to vote (haha) for the most liberal option available. I told people about the wealth gap and classism. I educated myself and read both anarchist and communist theory, and then i started criticizing colonialism and exploitation itself. I advocated for unions, i told people to never cross a picket line and to support strikes. I was already ACAB before Ferguson, but after that i spent years reading antiracist theory and seeking out black revolutionaries. I had to tell an extended family member "all lives don't matter until black lives do". I did not shy from my work in attempting to gently radicalize the people in my life. I attempted to educate others on why we need prison and cop abolition and the alternatives. I got pretty far, even with people i don't consider leftists! Like anyone else, i of course, advocated for environmentalism. I myself do not own a car and go to great lengths to use fully renewable energy. I re-use before recycling. I avoid plastic when i can. In my veganism self-education, i learned about disability rights. This was enforced further during covid. I stopped using ableist language or comparisons. I have successfully eradicated using comparisons to intelligence in my daily life and gently correct people around me when they use them to use a better word. None of this lost me any friends. Until i brought up animal rights. Even the tamest "i'm vegan" had acquaintances putting distance between us. My entire family turned on me, simply for saying stuff like "you are a good person, you just don't see the difference between your cat and a pig because of defense mechanisms, but you would be upset if your cat went through what animals at those places do." or saying killing a turkey is wrong. Then i started losing friends and being ostracized. From people who said nothing even when i pointed out war crimes against Palestine and are full anti-capitalists. People who are open minded, and generally kind to others. People's environmentalism evaporated when i pointed out that methane from cows is x28 as heating as CO2 in the short term, that we can't stay under 2c without people being plant based, or that the majority of plastic in the ocean is from fishing nets, or that fishing is killing way more sea turtles and other "cute" animals than straws. Even just mentioning animal victims a few times every now and then is enough to make people uncomfortable. Definitely not a sign of their own guilt or anything! How painful must the reminder be, to have to completely block out not only the victims at every meal, but humans who remind them of the suffering they are inflicting as well. So it's very jarring to me now, to see other people advocating for other causes saying much more extreme things and not getting any negative social feedback. Straight up mainposting things like "you are a bad person for voting wrong" is becoming more normal with the election season coming up. But vegans get shut down simply for bringing up animal abuse, because carnists know deep down it's wrong to hurt animals and objectify them into commodities. That's why they care so much about animals they view as "cute" "pets" or value (at least on the surface) animals they admire for being free and wild such as Elephants, pretty birds, and whales.

[strikersexhaver]

Can I have a male Baldur’s gate 3 matchup plz (ik ur bio says you haven’t gotten far in the game I’m willing to wait till you know the characters better if that helps)

Gender: cis female

Pronouns: she/her

Sexuality: heterosexual ally

Zodiac: Capricorn

Appearance: 5’2 African American hourglass body (although I’m more top heavy if you know what i mean) black curly wavy hair blackish brown eyes chubby cheeks wears glasses sometimes (im far sighted so it’s usually when driving in class or at the theater)

Mbti: infj

Enneagram: 2w1

Personality: kind smart funny motherly responsible empathetic anxious emotional moody perfectionist helpful people pleaser caring compassionate nerdy curious protective polite respectful indecisive fearful nervous introvert shy awkward clumsy low self esteem low confidence (more pertaining to my talents or personality then my looks) sassy sarcastic (I’m mainly these things with people i feel comfortable with like friends or family) soft spoken cute (my friends think im cute because i can be pretty innocent plus I’m small physically)

Likes: animals books reading writing fantasy magic sci fi anime music video games friends alone time learning personality quizzes sweets and bread helping being a part of something bigger than myself

Dislikes: spiders loud sounds people who harm others people who don’t take others into consideration (like make insensitive jokes or don’t consider the comfort of others or are mean just cause they can) people i care about not caring for themselves (im a hypocrite on this i take care of everyone else but not me) not being listened to weird holes and patterns math and tests (I’m being tested for a math disability and i have test anxiety)

Love language:

Giving: acts of service gift giving and physical affection (if they’re ok with it)

Receiving: words of affirmation and physical affection (although i can be shy about it)

Extra: i pace a lot i sing when im alone i talk to myself im a picky eater (mainly with textures) i have a cat i have minor ehlers danalos (a hyper mobility disorder) but it doesn’t hurt me like it does my sisters i get abdominal migraines which is basically like a migraine but instead of headaches it’s nausea

Thank you

I match you with…

Master Halsin 🐻

Like you, he is very against the idea or prospect harming of others in any way. Physical, mental, or even ignoring someone.

That goes for animals as well!

Anyone who respects nature or animals is a friend in his book.

Oh and he won’t force you to ‘face your fear’ of spiders. They’re not for everyone and he knows that. (Me too, I got ops with them things)

He’ll gently guide them out your way though if any pass by.

Especially those who take time out of their day to be nice to others, regardless of what they look like.

Albeit, even if he is the First Druid, he can always understand shyness. You’re not the first person he’s met to be introverted or shy- so he knows how to approach you.

Also as a healer, he can probably assist you with the nausea in some regards.

Via healing spells mostly, and if that doesn’t work there can be more realistic ways to help.

He’d also appreciate having someone who can take care of others while he’s away, someone to hold down the fort.

Granted, he doesn’t expect you to one up people like Kagha. No- he means just to assist those in need.

He’s more than willing to help you out in any way possible.

He’d also be reminding you to take care of yourself, in and out of battle.

You’d be apart of his nature, he’d make sure you’re growing instead of wilting.

(A/N) might be OOC, I’ve only ever had villainous runs. Blame Astarion, Lae’zel and my Durge😭 hope you like it tho!

[mthofferings2023]

penguinofthewaddles

See penguinofthewaddles’s existing works here.

Preferred contact methods: Email: penguinofthewaddles@gmail.com Tumblr: penguinofthewaddles Twitter: penguinwaddlesd Instagram: penguinofthewaddles

Preferred organizations: - Assistance Dogs International - Autistic Self Advocacy Network - Disability Rights Education & Defense Fund (See the list of approved organizations here)

Will create works that contain: Fluff, angst, happy ending, hurt/comfort, fight scenes, cuddle scenes, platonic kisses (not on lips) and hugs, romantic kisses (with ships I like), platonic and romantic cuddling, fix-it, whump, traumatized character recovery, injury/hurt recovery, happy family dynamics, dysfunctional family, implied trauma (torture, heartbreak, neglect, loss) recovery and stuff like that, found family, people eating together, platonic sleeping together (innocent, just for comfort/cold), domestic fluff, some ships, mental illness (depression, anxiety, etc.), neurodivergent things, recovery, action scenes, happy/hopeful ending, (character) gets a hug, characters watching movies together

Will not create works that contain: Really sexual stuff (slightly implied might be ok but case by case basis!), extreme gore (ok with some, just not excessively pls), overeating, excessive body horror, horror in general (spooky/scary is ok, just not too disturbing), any hate/debate regarding religion or politics or controversial things (hate from other characters is ok on marvel villains or bad things happening in Marvel), hating on other people's interests, full nudity, unhappy endings

  -- Art --

Auction ID: 1155

Will create works for the following relationships: Loki/Sylvie - MCU Loki-centric - MCU B-15-centric - MCU Wanda Maximoff/Vision - MCU Namor & Shuri - MCU Loki & Thor - MCU Matt Murdock/Jennifer Walters - MCU Gamora/Peter Quill - MCU Miles Morales/Gwen Stacy - Spider-Verse (animated films) Bruce Banner & Heimdall & Loki & Thor & Valkyrie - MCU

Work Description: I do digital art in a cartoony/comic booky style!! I also do Chibi that you can see on my socials here! I can do different characters/relationships than what I listed ;) Though I’m a bit picky about shipping, so I might not want to do some relationships super shippy and romantic other than what's listed. Willing to draw pretty much anything gen with characters I know. Feel free to still ask if I want to do a specific romantic ship or something, though; I still might consider it! I'm familiar with all of the MCU shows and movies, some of X-Men movies, Spider-Man and X-Men Ultimate universe comics, and the AOS Loki storyline! (Haven’t finished it all the way through though!) Most likely would be half-body and a couple characters together but willing to negotiate ;) As I now work and am in school again, I might need some grace time with my busy schedule, so probably about 1-3 months depending on which auction number you are! (I am doing 3 auctions and I can only work on one at a time lol). If you would like it for a specific holiday or something, let me know and I can try and make it work! I usually work best with more frequent communication! I like sending wips lol and feel free to reach out for any questions/updates. I usually am most active on Instagram/Twitter/Discord. Also, the more details/specificity in the prompt, the easier it is for me! Please consider donating to one of the neurodivergent/disability support charities if bidding for this! My cousin is severely disabled and my family has been struggling to find the right care for him, so just on my heart lately and would mean a lot to me as a neurodivergent person myself as well. ❤️❤️ Thanks so much! Can’t wait to see your prompt!

Ratings: Gen, Teen, Mature

Can pods bid on this auction? Yes - Podbids welcome!

CLICK HERE TO BID ON THIS WORK

-- Art --

Auction ID: 2077

Will create works for the following relationships: Loki fandom any gen - MCU Loki & Mobius - MCU Daredevil fandom any gen - MCU Agents of SHIELD fandom any gen - MCU Moon Knight fandom any gen - MCU Loki & Thor - MCU Guardians of the Galaxy fandom any gen - MCU Avengers fandom any gen - MCU Kamala Khan-centric - MCU Bruce Banner & Loki & Thor & Valkyrie - MCU

Work Description: This is a platonic/gen only auction! I can do different characters/relationships than what I listed! I'm familiar with all of MCU shows and movies, some of X-Men movies, Spider-Man and X-Men Ultimate universe comics, and the AOS Loki storyline! (Haven’t finished it all the way through though!) I do a cartoony/semi realistic style and chibi (see my examples here)! Most likely would be half-body and a couple characters together but willing to negotiate;) As I now work and am in school again, I might need some grace time with my busy schedule, so probably about 1-3 months depending on which auction number you are! (I am doing 3 auctions and I can only work on one at a time lol). If you would like it for a specific holiday or something, let me know and I can try and make it work! I usually work best with more frequent communication! I like sending wips lol and feel free to reach out for any questions/updates. I usually am most active on Instagram/Twitter/Discord. Also, the more details/specificity in the prompt, the easier it is for me! Please consider donating to one of the neurodivergent/disability support charities if bidding for this! My cousin is severely disabled and my family has been struggling to find the right care for him, so just on my heart lately and would mean a lot to me as a neurodivergent person myself as well. ❤️❤️ Thanks so much! Can’t wait to see your prompt!

Ratings: Gen, Teen, Mature

Can pods bid on this auction? Yes - Podbids welcome!

CLICK HERE TO BID ON THIS WORK

-- Art --

Auction ID: 3028

Will create works for the following relationships: Sylvie-centric - MCU Loki-centric - MCU Wanda Maximoff-centric - MCU Remy LeBeau/Rogue - X-Men: The Animated Series Layla El-Faouly & Steven Grant & Marc Spector - MCU Peggy Carter/Steve Rogers - What If..? Frigga & Loki - MCU Shuri & T'Challa - MCU Michelle Jones/Peter Parker - MCU Loki & Wanda Maximoff & Stephen Strange - MCU

Work Description: I do digital art in a cartoony/comic booky style!! I also do Chibi that you can see on socials here! I can do different characters/relationships than what I listed. ;) Though I’m a bit picky about shipping, so I might not want to do some relationships super shippy and romantic other that what's listed. Willing to draw pretty much anything gen with characters I know. Feel free to still ask if I want to do a specific romantic ship or something, though; I still might consider it! I'm familiar with all of the MCU shows and movies, some of X-Men movies, Spider-Man and X-Men Ultimate universe comics, and the AOS Loki storyline! (Haven’t finished it all the way through tho!) Most likely would be half-body and a couple characters together but willing to negotiate. ;) As I now work and am in school again, I might need some grace time with my busy schedule, so probably about 1-3 months depending on which auction number you are! (I am doing 3 auctions and I can only work on one at a time lol). If you would like it for a specific holiday or something, let me know and I can try and make it work! I usually work best with more frequent communication! I like sending wips lol and feel free to reach out for any questions/updates. I usually am most active on Instagram/Twitter/Discord. Also, the more details/specificity in the prompt, the easier it is for me! Please consider donating to one of the neurodivergent/disability support charities if bidding for this! My cousin is severely disabled and my family has been struggling to find the right care for him, so just on my heart lately and would mean a lot to me as a neurodivergent person myself as well. ❤️❤️ Thanks so much! Can’t wait to see your prompt!

Ratings: Gen, Teen, Mature

Can pods bid on this auction? Yes - Podbids welcome!

CLICK HERE TO BID ON THIS WORK

The auction runs from October 22 (12 AM ET) to October 28 (11:59:59 PM ET). Visit marveltrumpshate.com during Auction Week to view all of our auctions and to place your bids!

[lemonbombsfjl]

Our holiday wishlist

ETA: updated 11/24/23

Okay, there are technical issues with the My Registry website. Shipping address is not being provided as it should.

Three options kit: I can put it all on Amazon, which I really wanted to avoid; I can give anyone participating my address to send things directly, or you can send me funds to buy stuff locally. So far people have taken me up on the latter two options. Let me know/DM me.

No good deed goes unpunished, I suppose.

——————————————————————

The holidays are coming. Could you bring two disabled ladies some cheer?

I live in supportive housing,* in an ordinary apartment in a normal building in Brooklyn, due to cPTSD*, physical disabilities, illnesses, anxiety disorder. Most of my SSI* income pays for my housing. I have SNAP,* but nothing else.

During COVID lockdown, the second bedroom was vacant for two years. It was miserable lonely! 😢 Last month, a young woman who also has remarkably (sadly) similar disabilities moved it. ❤️ Miraculously, we get along great! However, she had just the clothes on her back (not even winter clothes!) and not much else. Her SSI is still pending, so she has no income to speak of. Neither of us have family. I asked friends for clothes donations and gave her some of my winter gear.

🫶We are grateful for what we have, but the reality is that we are living beneath the poverty line. We have to pay for laundry, transportation, cleaning supplies, toiletries. We do not receive any handouts. 💸 Most charities cut back on that after giving their all for COVID victims. 😔

What I would like, for both of us, is to have a lovely holiday. We can put together good meals; we will handcraft gifts for each other.🧶 But we cannot participate in holiday shopping, concerts, and other 🔔local traditions due to poverty & our disorders. We cannot travel to visit friends. We do not have cable/streaming services or a way to play music.🎵We do not have a tree. 🎄

The popular attitude of “this holiday is for us, but NOT for you” “be grateful you are not on the street” is elitist, smothering, depressing, hurtful. We are already dealing with the huge pain of traumas and neglect; we do not deserve this. No disabled person does. The sadness makes all our issues worse.

My roommate doesn’t know yet: I have put together a registry with lots of small items — we don’t need all, I just wanted there to be lots of choices! —for little treats that would make our season festive. Everything under $20, most around $5. If there are two items, it is to reflect our differing tastes.

None of these items are affiliate links.

We would be forever, forever grateful, for any little thing sent. We will pay it forward whenever possible. Thank you.

If anyone wants to know how to help with our day to day needs, DM me on IG.

[No MLMs, job stuff— we are permanently disabled & unable to work. If you can’t help for the sake of the season, without strings attached, you need to read A Christmas Carol and pay attention!]

*click links below for info

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Supportive_housing

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Complex_post-traumatic_stress_disorder

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Supplemental_Security_Income

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Supplemental_Nutrition_Assistance_Program