#tho im on my phone rn so sorry it might actually look weird

[cat-vase]

WOE. BRYCE HAS PCBD ESSAY BE UPON YE. Talk of mental health and drugs/alcohol/car crashes/death/self harm! He is going through it.

---

This is all based on the theory that Stella died in a car crash!

PCBD (Persistent Complex Bereavement Disorder. I'm not typing this out every time it is way too long) is also called Complicated Grief! You will get different google pages if you type both in but they're the same thing, which is why I'm mentioning it. It's where, for at least a year (it's been 10 for Bryce. Yikes.) you're stuck in grief related to the loss of a loved one, and your feelings are disabling in nature. With PCBD you can basically never reach the acceptance phase: you're stuck in one of the other ones, usually denial (the first one). But that's not the case here! For Bryce! Because screw him even more! 

Risk factors include: 

If the death was especially violent and/or unexpected ✅

If you were dependent on the loved one or vice versa ✅

If you have a history of mental health issues❔(This is where most of his mental health issues spawned from? He was likely mostly fine prior. So like... kind of.)

If you were neglected or abused as a child ✅

If you have a lack of a support system ✅

If you have prior resistance to life changes❔(Again: he seems pretty resistant to/scared of change now, not before)

If anything involves children. No seriously this just makes everything 1000x worse. ❌ (He very much had graduated high school! Though you can graduate early/your birthday is just... after you graduate... which could've made him 17! Though I like to believe the accident was at least a little after then, maybe like 6 months, not the day of. It makes it hurt more! The fact that they had plans and were going to finally both be out of their parent's house and move on and then! ...... They didn't. So Bryce was super young, yes, but not a child.) 

Some stuff I want to point out about symptoms (lifted from the DSM-5)!!!

"Persistent yearning/longing for the deceased"

"Preoccupation with the deceased"

"A desire to die in order to be with the deceased"

That last one is especially the most important, I feel!!! Because that's canon. ...Okay, maybe I'm reaching a bit, but when he and Liam die on that smokestack he is brought back to his childhood home (canonically not always a good place to be!) and Stella is there. And multiple times in the montage he tries to go with her! Despite Liam pulling him back every single time! He's dead and the only thing he wants is to be with his sister again!!! That's the one person he cares most about in his life and she's been dead for 10 years!!! He doesn't really have friends, he doesn't seem to keep in touch with any other family he might have, someone alive that he considers a friend later on is right there, but he just wants to be with her! That's fucking canon!!!!!

"Intense sorrow/emotional pain in response to the death"

"Preoccupation with the circumstances of the death"

"Experiencing disbelief/emotional numbness over the loss"

"Maladaptive appraisals about oneself in relation to the deceased, as in self-blame"

("Maladaptive behaviors are actions that prevent people from adapting, adjusting, or participating in different aspects of life" As in daydreaming, masking your emotions to a constant level, self-harm (including drugs and alcohol), angry outbursts, or not attending social situations.)

This, I think, can all be related to the car crash!

And has overlap with a lot of PTSD symptoms, but PTSD and Depression (and Anxiety, but that doesn't apply here too much?) both overlap with PCBD/are comorbid, so that makes sense. The especially violent manner in which she died definitely would stir a lot of these feelings up, especially the self blame. I think deep down, buried beneath a lot of these other feelings he wont let himself express since he hasnt been to therapy for anything and he just drinks a 6 pack a day to deal with it, the self blame for the accident and/or Stella's death in general is the reason he's been stuck on it for 10 years now. In canon he says he hasn't tried again until now, until after this thing happened that reminded him things could be and are worse (and normally I wouldn't advocate for comparing trauma like that, but it worked for him, so...?), and he looks so crushed when he admits he's been stuck in anhedonia and apathy and complacency for so, so long even though he does have the ability to pick himself up a little bit, he can do it, please don't take it away from him again please don't leave again he can't do it over and over and over. So a lot of these feelings regarding the accident and her death are very repressed, which just makes it worse (instead of healing through your grief, with PCBD it just gets worse the longer it goes on without any help), and therefore makes any responses he has to these emotions worse in turn, which circles back around to but what if it was different, if he had done something different, if it had been him instead. 

"Feeling alone/detached from other individuals since the death"

"Feeling that life is meaningless/empty without the deceased"

"Confusion about one's role in life"

"Difficulty/reluctance to pursue interests since the loss"

"Bitterness/anger related to the loss"

"The disturbance causes clinically significant distress/impairment"

"The bereavement is out of proportion/inconsistent with culture or age-appropriate norms" 

I kind of went into this already on accident? but I think this group can dive into the life we see him leading before ONE! The fact that it's so repetitive and miserable, he buries all of his emotions for fear/dislike/inability of working through them, he has maybe 2 people he talks to and it's definitely not regularly, he's alive not for any reason it looks like, just because he's supposed to be. And it's been 10 years since Stella's death, 10 years!!!! That's such a long time to be burdened with those feelings of regret and misery and inability to change and he needs someone to talk to! Not to bring up his alcoholism again but I'm bringing up his alcoholism again because it's definitely a coping mechanism, and he might not even see it as that bad because maybe his mom was into drugs, I don't know? "At least I'm not as bad as her" type thing, y'know? "I can drive because I'm not as impaired as my mom and she didnt get in trouble for it" y'know? Which, by the way. Could also be a form of ideation. He's not trying to die, but if he did? Would it really matter? He wouldn’t feel any different than how he does now. Yeah? Am I making sense? 

There's also "avoidance of reminders of the loss" but that's the only one I don't agree with, really. Since it was a car crash and he still drives and he still has the picture with Stella in it and everything. I think his problem is that he thinks about it too much but likes to pretend he doesn’t. But that's just a personal interpretation thing! Maybe I'm projecting too much and distorting canon! I don't know! 

Anyways! Some stuff not from the DSM-5 that I've found that I think I should bring up! 

Apparently a lot of people report having hallucinations of the deceased! Full auditory and visual hallucinations! So do with that what you will! 

"Some individuals with PCBD report not wanting to move on from bereavement because they feel they would be betraying the deceased." After 10 years this might be part of his mindset. Not consciously, of course, but that's his big sister. He's not supposed to disappoint her, he's not supposed to be like this, his life was supposed to go differently than it did! 

I forgot to mention that earlier, holy shit. Ok so with the accident happening at that transitional period in his life, from high school to becoming an adult, it invokes a feeling of "things should have and were supposed to go differently" that you cant really... stop? In any way? But the whole point of PCBD is that you can't move on, not without a lot of help, and so i feel that feeling of "supposed to" would stick with him and that also influences his life up until this point as well. Because she's supposed to still be here, and they're supposed to be happy, and he can't be happy now that things aren't the same anymore, and yeah betrayal is also a big emotion for him I feel. 

Ok I think that's everything. He really really needs therapy, that's literally the only way to treat PCBD (antidepressants would help for sure! But it wouldnt cure it per se), he needs therapy and a support system for once in his life and he needs to trust people enough to talk to them.

Actually, maybe there is a little bit of denial in there. The first thing we hear Bryce say is "this isn't real. this isn't real." 

Which! To give him credit, that absolutely seems like a nightmare scenario (and it was!), but also when Liam shows up at his door he also acts like that isn't real either. And finding Texty wasn't real, despite all the evidence in front of him. So! Y'know! Denial is still there, unlike what I said before, just maybe not as prevalent as usual.

[beanst0ck]

heyyy, it's me again :) so,, since the requests are open, can i have how noya, tsukki & kageyama (my fav karasuno bois) helping their s/o who's struggling with school and stuff. like they go to her house and shes crying, and when he asks why is she crying she says "idk" bc basically, that's happening to me now, and I need some fluff to have serotonin 😔😔💕 love u!!

school can b like that sometimes 😔

i don’t usually struggle with schoolwork but when i do it’s >:(

Yuu Nishinoya

it’s a normal day. not too cloudy, not to sunny, perfect for a date!

nishinoya thinks back to you, noticing that you seemed a little distracted at school today

he asked you multiple times what was wrong but you always responded with “oh no im fine!“ so he assumed you were just having a bad day :((

so to try and make you feel better, he decides to text you!

short king💕: HEy! be ready in 15 mins!! we’re going out to eat >:))

he found it kind of odd you didn’t see his message, but maybe you were just taking a nap or doing hw!

cut to him rushing over to your house bc our bby is excited!! it’s been awhile since he’s taken you somewhere so now that he has the chance to he’s pumped up!

he calls you multiple times on his phone ready to tell you he’s outside, but you don’t answer

now our bby boy is confused. he’s like?? where are you?? i just wanna go out and eat??

he looks around your house and notices your window is open

somehow, he manages to reach your window and sees you hunched over your table looking at something

he sees that your phone is on your bed charging, so now he understands why you wouldn’t answer!

“(y/nnn)!! let’s go out to eat!“

you turn around so fast

like “wHO ARE YOU AND HOW DID YOU MANAGE TO GET INTO MY ROOM??- oh hi noya“

he immediately freezes once he notices your eyes are red and puffy

better believe he’s going to rush over to you and ask what’s wrong, what made you upset, etc.

you have to wait awhile before he calms down so you could explain what was wrong

“today we had a test and i didn’t get the score i thought i’d get... i thought i’d at least get a passing grade but guess not, so im trying to study for the makeup test so i could do better this time :((“

he has a moment of realization and you swear you could literally see a lightbulb go off above his head

he finally understands why you were so upset earlier!!

now that he understands why you were sad he’s gonna do everything in his power to make you feel better

“how long have you been studying for?“

“since i got home..“

“(y/n) that was 3 hours ago...”

finds out you haven’t even taken a break and he’s about to throw hands

he cares about you a lot and wants you to take better care of yourself!!

he saw how hard you were working on trying to get a better grade and knew you needed a break, so now he’s definitely taking you out on that date as a reward for your hard work

“alright, you’re taking a break now! too much studying will break your head!!“

practically drags you out your front door. he didn’t even give you a chance to get ready, y’all left exactly how you were

he takes you out to buy your favorite food because even if you didn’t pass, you tried your best and that’s what matters

he would try his best to study with you, but we all know he isn’t the smartest when it comes to academics,,,

will give you lots and lots of kithes when he sees you finally got the score you wanted as a reward for your hard work :))

Kei Tsukishima

during school tsukki noticed that you were acting a little odd. normally you’re the one to initiate conversations with him, but today you were just quiet

immediately knew something was up, but didn’t say anything because maybe he was looking into things too much

time skip to lunch and tsukishima is looking for you, because he wants to eat his lunch with you!!

imagine his surprise when he sees you studying?

he’s like “what are you doing, are you trying to be a nerd now?“

you jump because you weren’t expecting him to find you so fast??

your plan was to study a bit before you ate your lunch with tsukishima but obviously that wasn’t going to happen today

tsukishima finds it kind of weird that you were studying during school hours because you never do that? but once again he stays quiet because hey maybe you just want to improve your grades or something

the day passes by normally for the both of you, but tsukishima still can’t shake the feeling that something is up with you

so after practice he decides to head over to your place

he parts ways with yamaguchi and begins heading over to your house to see you

he’s lowkey a little excited because he doesn’t come over to visit you much so he had lil butterflies in his stomach

your parents open the door and when they see him they immediately greet him happily and let him in

i headcannon that parents just love tsukishima idk why

tsukishima doesn’t even knock, he just opens the door to your room

when he sees you crying he just stares, extremely confused

when you notice someone’s entered your room you look up and through all the tears you see your boyfriend standing in your doorway, confused af

you quickly wipe the tears from your face, already knowing that hiding your face from him would not work because he definitely just saw you crying

you try and play it off tho

“ah! tsukki! what’re you doing here ahahha-“

he slowly walks over to you and sees your notebook fills with notes along with other worksheets filled with information

he closes your books and pushes away all the loose papers on your desk

right as you’re about to ask him why’d he do that for he immediately hugged you

it was kind of an awkwardly positioned hug tho? you were sitting down on a chair and he was standing so your face was against his stomach

he asks you if you were crying because of school work but did he really need to ask?? he already knew the answer-

he suddenly becomes sweet towards you? like he still teases you but not as much because he knows you’re sad rn :((

offers to tutor you if you really need to help, he’ll use it as an excuse to spend more time with you!

if you get a problem right your reward is his kithes

if his teammates see him tutoring you they’re gonna be like “awe“ because he barely agreed to tutor hinata and kageyama and he couldn’t stand them

they’ll clown him a little bit

speaking of them they’re probably gonna complain about it

“tsukishima you’re so mean! why does (y/n) get tutoring and not us :((“

insert sugamama smacking hinata for his comment

you get girlfriend privileges bc tsukishima is vv soft for you :))

Tobio Kageyama

im sorry but our dumb dumb kageyama probably wouldn’t notice how sad you seemed

hinata probably said something along the lines of “hey did you have a fight with (y/n)? she seems sad :((“

it’s not that he doesn’t care!! trust me he really does he’s just mostly focused on volleyball and doesn’t know how you feel unless you tell him

after hinata says that he starts to focus on you more, trying to see if what hinata said was true

if you DO seem sad, he’s gonna panic because he doesn’t know what to do

if you DONT seem sad bc you’re good at hiding your emotions, then he’s gonna call hinata ‘ bOkE!1!!1 ‘ because how dare he assume something about his gf

regardless of those things tho, he’s gonna start paying attention to you in general. he’s gonna try his best to understand your emotions because he doesn’t wanna upset you more!!

you’re most likely gonna feel his stares him a mile away. ppl are gonna think he hates you but in reality,, he’s just trying to understand your mood

one day while at school he noticed that you didn’t come. took him awhile to realize,, it was actually one of his teammates that said “where’s (y/n)? they aren’t with you?“ and he went into a mini panic mode because they’re right where’d you go?

realized that you weren’t at school and texted you

poor babey seemed lost without you because he spends most of his time with you

emo blueberry💙: you’re not at school? do you feel ok?

when you see his text you start to feel better because you know that he loves you and he’s worried bc you’re not there with him

kageyama begins to look back on his days spent with you

generally you seemed happy with him but there were times where you’d let your smile slip just a little

idk why but i headcannon that when it comes to relationships he’s vv inexperienced and doesn’t know what to do

as much as he’d hate to admit, he asked hinata it if he noticed anything off about you

when hinata tells him that you seemed distracted during breaks kageyama begins to do his journey on trying to find out what’s wrong

he asks his upperclassmen for advice and he actually uses what they say

after class he takes it upon himself to go to all of your classes to pick up any homework you might’ve missed

during practice you’re all he can think about which causes his sets to be a little off

daichi, being the kind dad he is, let’s kageyama leave early to go see you

kageyama enters your home and heads to your room. as he’s about to knock he hears sniffles clearly coming from you and he goes into panic mode

quickly opens your door and you two kind of just stare at each other awkwardly like,,

“uh, hi?“

he doesn’t understand how you could be so chill?? like you’re literally crying yet you’re acting as if you’re not

immediately asks if you’re alright, why you’re crying, etc.

once you tell him it’s because you don’t understand your schoolwork, he nods. he understands how you feel because he himself isn’t as good

he’ll tell you how it doesn’t matter if you don’t understand the material as fast as others because everyone learns at their own pace

he’ll slowly initiate a hug? it might be a little awkward because he doesn’t seem like he knows what he’s doing he really doesn’t but he hopes that it makes you feel better :((

he’ll drag you away from your studies for a bit if you haven’t taken a break and he’ll just cuddle you

AGAIN!! it might be a little awkward but pls he’s trying his best ok :((

if you end up falling asleep he’ll give you a little kith on your forehead :))

haikyuu mlist

requests open

[transhoverfish]

What are everyone's "abilities" in Survivors? Ryley has good hearing and Milo glows but what do the others have?

!!! YOU HAVE ASKED ME ABOUT MY AU !!! THE FLOODGATES OF YELLING HAVE OPENED!!

OK SO. as u mentioned ryley has good hearing and milo glows. basically,

ryley = good hearing

milo = glowy boy

emily = electric detection (cooler than i describe rn my vocabulary is small)

danby = like emily's but reverse. controls electromagnetic things

roman = night vision

jochi = the most superpower like one, he got quick regeneration.

avery = telepathy!

bart = also kind of telepathy but more like future telepathy. he has future vision.

and i. never thought of one for ozzy actually and at this point i have no idea what to give them that wouldn't have been brought up prior so. u know genetics are weird! they just dont have anything ig. nobody look at me LABDKABDLABD

AND ALSO paul and marg have powers! paul got that peeper enzyme carrier thing, and marg got the very funny power of feeling others emotions. yes that includes the fish. yes this is one of the primary reasons she didnt kill paul over a decade of dealing w him. yes she hates it.

and the vesper haven't been sick long enough to develop anything! or at least thats what im going with bc i havent thought of anything for them yet 😔

AND NOW: LONGER EXPLANATIONS. IM GONNA GET CARRIED AWAY SO ITS UNDER A READ-MORE.

first off on the list: bart! so bart.. kinda has futuristic visions?? but the things he sees are not set in the stone,, as in if he dreams about smth (a lot like ryley can!) it is possible to change those events! most of these visions/telepathy type stuff were bc of the emperor and warpers, and also al-an! once the sea emp died and the warpers all calmed down his powers kind of go away a bit. i think i wrote al-an sort of mentioning it in one chap of awa?? but its only kind of implied. so he has rlly similar powers to avery except he can't tell what others are thinking and he can only kind of tell how his closest friends r feeling. so right now bart pretty much doesn't have powers! he can communicate w the warpers and sea emps much easier than the others tho (he's the only one that can talk to warpers! im not sure he'd get along w them after being hunted down by them for like 12 years though KABDLSBRLSHD)

avery has telepathy! this is because when he first shows up he jokes about having telepathy and i was like "haha. WAIT." and then he got telepathy! i realize its a bad idea to not come up with their powers until as im writing but uhhh well. i never said i was a fantastic writer who's smart. KANROSHROSBF.

he also kind of had marg's empathy ability but wayyy dialed back. he can only tell how other humans are feeling and he can only vaguely understand it as opposed to feeling the emotions himself like marg does. so he can kind of tell how others are feeling and he can tell what theyre thinking about! unless of course for plot convince he can't. strong emotions, especially strong negative emotions (ie. fear) can overwhelm him and makes his powers stop working. and if someone is convinced they're right then he wont b able to tell they're lying/hiding something! yay plot convenience!!

roman has night vision. i have no way of making this sound cool he just straight up can see really well in the dark. like a cat. most of the powers were based off where they originally landed and what would help them in that area! and roman landed in the sparse reef, which is so dark all the time i cry thinking about it. so he has night vision! his poor eyesight is probably all kinds of fucked up now tho.

jochi has regeneration abilities! now i know this might sound a bit much but he just heals from cuts and stuff faster and like. he bones heal fast. and he's more likely to survive smth that might usually kill someone, but its like a 10% higher chance of living nothing too much. he doesn't rlly get scars as much as the others, and its healed his old ones a bit more! this is by far the most unrealistic power of them all, but ya know its alien fish planet game who cares. basically bc his life support systems failed his spine got all fucked up and he got infected faster bc he was barely alive for the first few days and spent a lot of time w bart who was looking after him. power helped fix his back, but he still has a rlly bad limp and pretty much constant pain. big mood there khasar 😔✊

emily can detect electromagnetic waves! works best underwater. kind of like ryley's, but instead of hearing noises she can only hear anything electric, like vehicles or ampeels or heartbeats. gets all fucked up during thunderstorms though sadly. she's the only other one that can kind of hear warpers and can tell when ones about to warp around but she cant actually talk back to them. pretty sick if u ask me tho.

danby has p similar powers to her bc ampeels also spawn in the bulb zone. except he can sense them at a much smaller distance, cant hear warpers, and can control the waves around him! mostly just his own tho. so like, he can quiet his heartbeat or make it stop all together. scary power that he does not know how to control. uh oh. but he can also control other creatures a bit! he's very good at hiding bc of this, which is nice bc he loves to hide from scary things. very big mood once again.

milo is glowing powers! looks a lot like the transparency of a ghost levi or a crabsquid, although he isn't as see through as them. you can def make out like veins but not bones or organs. his powers are activated by touch, the more force behind will create more glow and more transparency! a poke = goes away within a few seconds, a slap = stays for a minute or so. instead of bruises, he just glows until the bruise would normally go away. he's basically a living glowstick. i have another joke for this but i cannot physically convince myself to type it bc its some shit emily would say to him and i cannot embarrass him like that LABDLABDKABAKD

andd ryley's super hearing! can hear basically everything within a mile radius at all times. im bad at math and i don't know the metric system but i think that's like around 1k meters. wait does the metric system use mile already. no. ONCE AGAIN NEVER SAID I WAS SMART.

OK ANYWAYS back on track! this means he can hear about half of the crater at all times. he's gotten p good at blocking out background noise and anything far away. typically only hears everything within like 300 meters of himself. so when he does get back to just hearing everything its like. u ever take out headphones in a busy place and everything kinda hurts for a few seconds bc its so much noise. yeah like that but 500x worse. he's able to concentrate on specific areas within this 1 mile field but if its far away it fucks him up good for a lil while. sorry ryley :(

and then the other two degasi! as mentioned before, paul can carry enzyme like the peepers, but he also can kind of make some himself! only small amounts and it works a bit less than the peeper enzyme does. he does not have to cough it up though thankfully it just like. idk how to describe this idea it can just kind of leave through his skin?? he has like no control over his power at all it just kind does its own thing and he deals w it. this is primarily how he and marg survive for so long w/o dying to kharra!

and finally marguerit! highly empathetic abilities that allow her to feel the emotions of anything around her! i thought it would be funny as hell to give MARGUERIT of all ppl Big Emotion Disease. this is a big reason why she has had yet to murder paul and why she's a lot less murderer like in the au. its hard to kill someone if you. you know. can feel exactly what they are. probably the reason she adopted Dog Bart/Legally Preston Emotionally Not. saw sad puppy and felt too bad to leave him. like paul, she has basically no control over it and is one of the reasons she does NOT want to go back to the survivors base and be around so many other ppl, she'd be feeling like, 13 ppl's emotions at one time. all these powers have fucked up drawbacks dont they??

once again sam, robin, jeff, maxim, and ozzy are (for now at least) not gonna have any powers! mutations are weird and ozzy just didn't get anything, and the vesper haven't been sick long enough for any yet!

OK THATS ALL. HOLY SHIT SORRY FOR YELLING FOR 15 MINUTES. GOT CARRIED AWAY. hopefully that explains everything tho OABEOABROANRJS OK BYE MY PHONE IS ALMOST DEAD

[astro-break]

Thoughts on the 12th ep of Hypmic Rhyme Anima. Spoilers beware

Ep.1 | Ep.2 | Ep.3 | Ep.4 & 5 | Ep. 6 | Ep. 7 | Ep. 8 | Ep. 9 | Ep. 10 | Ep. 11

I am the definition of Fear.jpg rn please help

MTR are so cute, just celebrating their win. Look at how happy they are!

... Oh well thats new. I like how Ichijauku has a tiny bit more agency in throwing out ideas (it really shows how close her and otome trust each other) but it also completely retcons a part of hypmic lore that was established with the Drama tracks. If you’ve heard “” then you know what I’m talking about

SMILING DOPPO HOLY SHIT DOPPO

ahaha doppo i love you so much youre so adorable you deserve to be happy

MTR as a family is just soo good. Both as familial or 

Hmm.... yes Samatoki has the right to be angry but that flattens him to a good for nothing thinks first asks questions later type of thug which is absolutely not what his character is. Especially with how the anime portrays him, it seems like there's only one emotion that he feels at any moment and that is anger. Which, fair he is an angry boy, but thats just one facet of his character. He’s also logical and not that sore of a loser, seeing that he still has room to grow (if you want an anime example, refer to the previous episode where he genuinely wonders what he could have done to treat Nemu better)

I think my biggest gripe with the adaptation is the flattening of all the characters TBH. I only really see it in Samatoki since I understand his character the most but I also see hints of it with Rio, Hifumi, and Gentaro. Most of the characters are just flattened into 2D tropes and made to act those tropes out. Which, y’know is the basis of each character but the series has built upon each character so well that its kinda jarring seeing them all so flat

I’m not sayin that I hate what the Anime has done with MTC but I hate what the anime has done with MTC

I expected a “Brocon” “Siscon” fight not this. What the fuck

☆ミ＋。゜H A C K I N G ゜。＋ミ☆

ahaha Ichiro you’re too trusting and pure for your own good

Okay why does all the animation budget go to making Samatoki look hot as fuck?

Ahaha they really do get along like cats and dogs. Jyuto being the voice of reason is kinda weird tho but oh well I can live with it

Tom saying “hai warat~e!” is so cute wtf?????? Lemme pet your head please

GENTARO PICKING UP HIS HAKAMA TO RUN IS ADOARBLE HELP ME

Im getting second hand embarrassment from Ramuda lmao

Slightly suspicious about how these group of reporters know the underground layout of Chuuoku so well

Oh well see I was right to be suspicious

That Unit name is really funny considering the whole Galatic Federation thing ahahaha

Oh that english! that was super clean and enunciated really well

Good intentions, bad execution. His reasoning is a bit flawed but its at least sound

hmmm usually I’d be happy about Doppo giving Hifumi his jacket but in this context not so much. See, Doppo gave it to Hifumi mostly because they had to fight, not because there were woman (which let me remind you Hifumi is deathly afraid of and the jacket acts as a wall between him and his gynophobia)

...... uh Interesting choices of microphones for Secret Aliens. Tom’s is a recording studio mic which makes some??? but not much sense. like Tom is a street photographer, not a radio host. Iris’s mic is.... I’m sorry what is that? Some sort of keyboard and.... something. idk what it is on her finger. And T. Rex just ripped out a purple dinosaur spine, stuck a mic onto the neck and called it a day. Nice

At least their speakers are somewhat better. Iris has Iris plants which. hilarious, but also very modern looking and sleek fitting of her more tech savvy nature as a hacker Theres also phone cameras which makes sense but the butterfly imagery which is present .... Fear.jpg. Rex again just went with a T. Rex Speaker which. Thank you rex for being very predictable, we love you so much. That soundwave looks like DNA too which is cool as hell. Tom.... Idk man Tom are you okay? What exactly is your speaker? are they those aperture umbrella things that photographers use? Im so confused, photographers in the fandom please help

YOOOOOOOOO THAT RAP THOUGH IRIS SOUNDS SO PRETTY?!?!?!? Can she please sing me to sleep? its so smooth and rolling. If I had to describe it, I would say that its the type of voice that I would hope would sing the ballads that I compose, the voice of a mother who still holds on to something after loosing everything she has fought for. 

Too bad Iris doesn’t get a verse to Rap in but holy shit what? Secret Aliens just might become one of my fave divisions based off song alone

Ah theres the cancellers. Thats fun, nice to see that there isn’t an adaptation induced plot hole in this One instance. Lets see if they can patch up the other plot holes created because the anime and source material went into different places

Dice, bad. no cheating. Bad dice

Ahaha there the flash bomb. That high pitch wailing was awful though. please never do that again

Hah, typical Ichijaku. We love it

Oh look at them. Working together. How cute. I really like Rio and Saburo interactions mostly because theres so much potential

Oh noooo i worry for FP

That growl from Ichijaku though. That did things to my heart oh my god

Aww I do like that enthusiasm from Ramuda. I do hope that things turn out at least somewhat okay for him. He’ll probably suffer 

Wait why is Saburo’s left eye purple? Is it the lighting or something else? I hope its just the lighting bc if anything happens to Saburo i will be very very sad (I rewatched the episode and Saburo’s eye is blue all the way up till he gets hit by Secret Alien’s attack. Even in a brightly lit area, it looks purple... i hope it isn’t forshadowing but then again Saburo’s eye has always been a darker shade of blue so it could just be the yellowish lighting since Ichiro’s red eye looks fuchsia)

Ichijaku with an angry face is kinda hot ahaha. Her deep rolling voice of anger just. Ugh very very good. Major props to her VA for pulling it off

IM FUCKING SORRY WHAT

YOU CAN”T LEAVE US ON THAT CLIFF HANGER?!

WHAT THE FUCK

IM GOING TO GO INSANE

THAT WASN’T EVEN SATISFYING?!?!?!

WHAT THE FUCK

KING RECORDS E X P L A I N

I DEMAND AN EXPLANATION

oh there’s a 13th ep

well thank fuck for a 13th ep bc if they ended the season like that i think id actually cry lol

Ugh so I guess that next week will be the last episode. I was so prepared for today to be the last episode but its kinda surprising that they have 13, slightly different from the normal season

[yikeswtfmate]

(1) New Message from Unknown Number

main masterlist // (1) New Message Masterlist // next part

Summary: Y/N is drunk and can’t remember her ex’s number.

A/N: Hello, it is I, the idiot who writes Social Media AUs when she’s drunk but is too lazy to put them in the proper format and just leaves them to die somewhere on her laptop

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Reader (Social Media AU - that’s a lie, it’s actually just texts in Word format 🤡)

Warnings: swearing, dumbassery

Unknown Number: Hey asshat so listen

Unknown Number: I kno we hvnt spoken since like

Unknown Number: High school but whateve idc

Unknown Number: U’re an asshle so I dnt even care that its like…

Unknown Number: 3 in the morning nvrmd

Unknown Number: Ive ben dared to txt my hottest ex by these evil witchS so

Unknown Number: Here u go

Unknown Number: At least u had decent abs so congrats on tht jfc

Unknown Number:  also u dnt get to complain abt this txt bc like

Unknown Number: u dated me for 6 months on a dare so U KNOW WHat this shuold feel like ya

Unknown Number: Wow dude that sounds like a dick move

Unknown Number: Seriously who the hell dates someone for 6 months on a dare?

Unknown Number: Doesn’t that only happen in movies though?

Unknown Number: hey bitchass dont act like u don’t kno what im talkinG abt

Unknown Number: Oh shit yeah, sorry. I don’t know who this asshole of an ex is but I sure as hell am not him

Unknown Number: Dude sounds like a complete waste of human space

Unknown Number: And I think I wouldn’t get to live it down if my friends would hear I did something that shitty

Unknown Number: Wait lemme ask Sam

Unknown Number: Nah, he says Steve would’ve beaten my ass if I were to do that so there u go

Unknown Number: m sorry who tf are u

Unknown Number: Bucky

Unknown Number: what kind of stupid name is bucky

Unknown Number: Shit man, u’re the one blowing up my phone at 3 in the morning, sending me weird ass messages when I don’t even know u and u dare say my name is stupid???

Unknown Number: Sheit srry

Unknown Number: Is been A long night

Unknown Number: nd week

Unknown Number: Actlly make thAt the whle entire fuckin month

Girl with asshole ex: Srry fr bothering u

Unknown Number: It‘s cool

Girl with asshole ex: Hey the witches ask if ure hot

Bonky: Yeah

Girl with asshole ex: WHAT THE FCK MAN AT LEST BE A LIL BIT HUMBLE SMH

Bonky: U wanted me to lie?

Girl with asshole ex: Fair point

Girl with asshole ex: They wnt a pic

Girl with asshole ex: Pic or it didn’t happen punk

Girl with asshole ex: Tht was nat

Bonky: What kind of party are u at that you can constantly text me?

Girl with asshole ex: Wanda’s place

Girl with asshole ex: Girls night

Girl with asshole ex: Getting hammered on wine BITCH

Girl with asshole ex: Also dnt change the subject

Bonky: I don’t even know your name

Girl with asshole ex: Why would I tell u my name I just want to see a suppsdly hot asssd

Bonky: You know mine and now you want me to send u a pic of me

Bonky: Bit of a disadvantage here babe

Girl with asshole ex: Babe?

Girl with asshole ex: BABE?

Girl with asshole ex: Fine

Girl with asshole ex: BABE if I tell u my name will u send a pic of u so we kno u arnt a 60yr old perv

Bonky: I’ll think about it

Girl with asshole ex: Hey fuck u

Girl with asshole ex: Not fair

Bonky: How do I know you’re not the 60yr old perv?

Girl with asshole ex: Cuz she got big tiddies to prove

Girl with asshole ex: And that was wanda

Girl with asshole ex: So now u know my fridsn

Bonky: Still don’t know your name tho babe

Bonky: Also tell Wanda she shouldn’t give out this type of info to strangers

Girl with asshole ex: ure not a stranger anymore bonky

Girl with asshole ex: ure my babe nao

Bonky: I’m going to let that Bonky slide just bc u’re cute

Bonky: But I’m also going to stop replying until you tell me your name

Girl with asshole ex: U think im cute?

Girl with asshole ex: 

Girl with asshole ex: I mean u havnt even seen me but thats fair

Girl with asshole ex: Wand and nat say its true so ill believe u rnt lying to me rn

Girl with asshole ex: But I wanna see if ure cute

Girl with asshole ex: Wait why r u up st 3 in the mrng I mean we re drunk but wht r u doing

Girl with asshole ex: Babe u need to take better care of urself

Girl with asshole ex: Babe

Girl with asshole ex: Babe?

Girl with asshole ex: BABE?

Girl with asshole ex: Ph shit ure actually ignoring me

Girl with asshole ex: I dont like this

Girl with asshole ex: I actually like talking to u

Girl with asshole ex: Pls stop ignoring me

Girl with asshole ex: COME BACK AND LOBE ME

Girl with asshole ex: Babe?

Girl with asshole ex: Fine

Girl with asshole ex: It’s Y/N

Bonky: Now, that wasn’t so hard was it? 

Babe: fcuk u

Bonky: I’m up at 3 bc we ordered pizza and decided it’s time to beat Sam’s ass in Mario Kart once and for all

Babe: Nd how’s that going for ya?

Bonky: Bitch has been beating us for the past 3 hours

Bonky: Thor is the only one getting at least close to him now so we’re about to give up

Babe: Wait shit how r u replying so fast if ure playing Mario kart tho

Bonky: I gave up two hours ago

Babe: Quitter

Bonky: Just gotta know which fights to pick babe

Babe: Heads up I might be fallin asleep soon

Bonky: Drink some water before that, maybe get some food in u as well to soak up all the alcohol and have an advil close for tomorrow

Babe: Ok MOM

Bonky: Hey Wanda willingly told me you have “big tiddies” so your friends don’t seem to be doing a good job of taking care of you

Bonky: Might as well let me do it so you don’t die tmrw

Babe: Ohhhh so u careeeee babe im touched

Babe: Kkkkkk Ill talk tu u tmrw ill be dead soon

Babe: Nd I do have big tiddies

Bonky: Good night babe

*

Babe: What the shit

Bonky: I see you survived

Babe: Barely

Babe: My head might explode soon and I feel like I’ve vomited for an entire lifetime

Babe: TMI sorry

Bonky: I’d like to point out I’m glad I don’t have to decipher your texts anymore and that you can actually spell properly

Babe: Fuck you Buckaroo

Bonky: I would also like to remind you that I have on good authority that you have “big tiddies” so don’t make me use that against you

Babe: I am going to kill Wanda

Babe:Ugh I need coffee

Babe: I’ll talk to you later

Bonky: I’ll be waiting for you babe

*

Babe: So

Babe: BABE

Bonky: Yes baby?

Babe: 

Bonky: Nah, you love it

Babe: Fine

Babe: You still haven’t sent a pic of you though. I might be able to rise Nat and Wanda from the dead if you do

Bonky: What do I get in return?

Babe: The promise that I will keep replying even though you might turn out to be an ugly orc?

Bonky: Not enough

Babe: Fine. I’ll keep talking to you until you want me to stop. Or until I get bored of you

Bonky: Eh, you can do better

Babe: What do you WANT?

Bonky: A pic of you in return

Babe: I’m not sending you nudes, perv

Bonky: If I wanted to see you naked and be a dick about it, I could’ve asked last night, don’t worry

Bonky: But if you’ll know how I look it’s only fair I should know how you look

Babe: That sounds reasonable

Bonky: I’d say it’s a fair exchange

Babe: Fine, you first then

Bonky: If you don’t send me a pic of you afterwards babe I will stop replying, just so you know

Bonky:

Babe: Did you type super hot guy with the most beautiful eyes in the world in Google or something?

Bonky: I’m touched but no. Sam took that photo at a work event

Babe: Bitch do you really expect me to believe this is you? That looks like a guy who just stepped out of a magazine, I highly doubt I would have the luck to text him instead of my ex when drunk

Bonky:

Bonky: Are you always this annoying?

Babe: …

Bonky: What? Do you want me to take a selfie with the fucking newspaper now? I read the news online babe, I’m not getting off of this couch just so I can buy a stupid newspaper to prove it’s me

Babe: Do you have one in a suit?

Bonky: …why am I putting up with this?

Bonky: Hold on

Bonky:

Bonky: It’s been 5 minutes, are you going to reply?

Bonky: You still have to send me a picture of you though, a deal is a deal you know

Bonky: Fine, I warned you

Babe: Shit sorry

Babe: Hi Bucky, this is Natasha

Bonky: Hi Natasha. Is Y/N alright?

Babe: Uhm how should I put this?

Babe: Y/N is crying right now and she can’t reply herself

Bonky: What? What happened? Is she okay?

Babe: Oh yeah

Babe: She’s just crying because (and I’m quoting here) you’re “so beautiful, it’s like all my wet dreams and fantasies have come together. I swear this is some cosmic joke, this is not happening”

Babe: I’m not sure if she’s laughing or crying now

Babe: But she keeps yelling at me that I have to send you the most perfect picture of herself that has ever existed or you will stop talking to her

Babe: I think she started crying again because “I will never live up to that level of perfection, he told me that I have to know which fights to pick”

Babe: Uh yeah so here

Babe: 1 Photo Attached

Bonky: Hey Nat, could you tell Y/N that I would like to talk to her now?

Babe: Sure

Babe: Hey

Bonky: Baby?

Babe: Yeah?

Bonky: You picked the wrong fight if you think “you will never live up to this level of perfection”

Babe: Oh God

Bonky: Stop being an idiot

Bonky: And listen to me

Bonky: I would really like to keep talking to you. Mainly because you’re an idiot who makes me laugh, but it’s also the fact that you are the most gorgeous woman I have ever seen in my entire life

Babe:

[peachpitmp3]

hey i mean you want to talk about how long it took for me to answer this? because the answer is. too long. for absolutely no reason i'm so sorry

!!!! you should that would be so iconic of you tbh. if you do decide to Embark on an Artistic Journey, please send/post update pictures i love art dude. so much.

FHSKDLFJKSLDJF YOUR LIFE OR THEIRS. amazing joke i remember this !!! from the time i read half of this and promptly got distracted,, i'm sorry. looking at this, it's not even that long?? of a thing to answer??

YEAHHH people always say that audiobooks are great if you have trouble focusing on paper books or are busy and stuff and i Do Not Understand

!!!!! yes. this. that sounds wonderful and heck yeah! ideal house will trap you there forever but dw because it's voluntary and so nice <3

SUDOFIJSDKX AMAZING. bro i wish you were in my closet (in the least weird way possible i just. want to meet you irl) but !!! that's very swag. thievery <3 /hj but nonetheless that sounds like a very cool shirt.

mhmm i get you. i think the sheer amount of People being People would be too much, although it would be super cool to see a live concert performance thing,, yeehaw anywhoodles. !!! YEAH YEAH YEAH you've gotten me hooked on august is a fever lmao. a friend told me about motion sickness a little while ago and !! yes. very much agree.

ooh hm. i'd say operate by vesperteen and trying not to cry by cavetown (but. only the version on youtube. the spotify one's more electo-funky which is cool! but not exactly my vibe and it doesn't hit Nearly As Hard yknow)

!!! the little fuzzy gray willow bulb things. idk what they're called but they're so sOFT and wonderful. miss the most? probably being in person and at school with all my old friends. and i miss being good at school, which sounds all kinds of stuck-up but i think this might be my gifted child burnout year and Yikes. i miss,, i miss not worrying so much about gender. that's a lot of things but y eah.

i'm afraid that i'll drop my phone through the gap between the elevator car and the floor landing, because it'll just what. drop to the basement?? never be seen again?? and it looks like it could fit my phone but i can't be sure and i certainly don't want to test that theory shdfjskdl. something deep uhhh. i'm afraid that i'm lost in the sense of "everyone else knows what they want and i don't", or i'm afraid that i'm so wrapped up in myself and my thoughts that i just become. really goddamn stupid. idk dude i'm afraid of a lot of things usedhfjk

something mundane and something deep you're afraid of? what's something small that gets you excited? least favorite thing to receive as a gift? what color palette do you use on tumblr dot com? - 🌵

no literally and now i'VE taken forever to answer so i think. i think we're even. shfsdjfsdfkjsldfjslf

ahhh ok ok i have been doing random doodles in my notebooks and stuff so i will maybe spam u sometime!!

SDFJSLDFJSLFJ i wish u were in my closet too <333

oooh i will queue both of those songs rn and they will play while i answer the rest of this!! ill let u know what i think :D

okay update my wifi is out so i cant listen to them but I WILL LATER!!!

no no i also miss being good in school. switching from gifted kid to gifted kid burnt out stuff is literally the worst feeling im so sorry </33 also yeah gender... yeah

okay actually that is such a mood tho because i also have no idea what i want to do with anything and it feels like everyone around me is starting to figure it out and i just don't know

something mundane is probably just. bees. i am so fucking scared of bees every kind of bee even the ones ppl say are harmless. i legitimately get panic attacks sometimes and i just. can't do it. and ppl get ?? mad at me for this ??? theyre like oh but bees dont even wanna hurt u :( like okay im not trying to make them extinct im just saying i can't be around them without hyperventilating. thanks.

something deep.... definitely that my perception of myself is just 100% incorrect. i'm terrified that i've just completely misjudged myself and i'm nowhere near as self aware as i think, and that i'm nothing like how i've interpreted myself to be.

something small that gets me excited is for sure just going on my phone after a few hours of not being on it and seeing messages from friends. like. good morning messages or things sent while i was in class. things like that make me feel so <3333 like oh !! people think of me people like me that is so <3

least favorite thing to receive as a gift is for sure expensive things. i havent really received any but i just don't want to ?? like i would lose them really easily and for me theyre just objects so i wouldnt feel extra grateful?? idk. that doesn't make sense. but like for example someone gave me a super fancy pen for my birthday and like. okay thanks but it's just a pen?? i like normal cheap pens better sghsjdfsjf

dark mode dark mode dark mode !! might switch it to a halloween one tho for spooky season <3 probably not tho

what color palette are you on? whats your least favorite thing to receive as a gift? do you make wishlists for things? do you like floral patterns? what's something that made you angry today/recently? what's something that made you really happy?

[lovehelpmewrite]

A Very Bad Day

Title: A Bad Day

Pairing: Gwil x OFC!Ella

Word Count: 3.7k

Summary: Ella is having a... less than amazing day. It turns out Gwilym is just what she needed to turn it around though.

Warnings: underage drinking i know bad dont do it im sorry

[A/N]: Okay so I know this is technically before Macarons and Spoiled Surprises but it’s been bothering me for months that I never wrote the middle step between our first date and us doing... y’know, you’ve read it i hope. So yeah, this is that middle step. Half inspired by an actual shit day I had, half inspired by my better half having had a bad day the day I wrote this. Enjoy and feedback is always welcome!! Also thank you thank you thank you to my best fren Mic @o-holynight​ for making me another amazing header just for this fic you’re so good to me and if you haven’t yet go through her masterlist because it slaps 

It was a crappy day. It was pouring, which normally I wouldn't mind—in fact I loved a good rainy day—but I had opened my window the night before and woken up to find my desk soaked in rain water and one of my notebooks with it.

"Ahhh shit," I muttered to myself as I woke up and climbed out of bed at the sound of the rain hitting the desk. I quickly latched the thing closed and looked down at the crinkling wet paper that was my notebook, picking it up by a corner and watching the water slide off the cover and off the pages. "Shhhhhit," I repeated, feeling my heart sink when I opened the cover and noticed the ink either bleeding into the other pages or sliding off along with the water. At least I didn't really use it, I thought. It was still sad to see something that I'd paid for just... Fall apart like this though.

I dropped it into the trash bin with a sigh and vowed to start getting ready to go out and buy a new one. Right after I have breakfast, I thought. As it turns out, there was no breakfast. No cereal, no pancake mix or frozen waffles. It was grocery day and Michaela had just left saying she was going to grab Joe so they could do the shopping for both at once. 

Okay so I'll go out for breakfast, I decided.

Except the coffee shop was closed. Again, no big deal but... It was another block in the freezing rain to the nearest cafe. It was too close to drive, especially because there was no parking down by it. Walking it is then. The sidewalk was slick with the freezing rain and the leftovers from the last snow so I tried my best to watch my steps and still maintain a quick pace. 

Needless to say I almost slipped—I didn't thankfully—but I caught myself at the last second in such a way that my umbrella swung out to the side and in an instant I felt drenched to the bone. I walked in looking like a half-drowned rat, ordered a muffin to go and tried to calm my anxious heart at the stares I was getting from the other patrons. In case you were wondering, yes, it's possible to angrily eat a muffin.

After I made it back to my car I drove to the nearest Staples and practically moaned as the warm rush of air hit my chilled face and body. I picked out a cute notebook—for sixteen fucking dollars, jesus Staples, cost more yeah?—and slapped it on the counter. The younger looking kid checking me out started at the noise but just smiled and asked if I wanted to join their rewards program. 

And then I was stood under the edge of the Staples sign trying to desperately shove the notebook in my jacket against my chest because what was once pouring rain had turned into a torrential downpour. It was like a sheet of water coming down at once while thunder boomed in the distance. I held an arm across my coat-covered-notebook and took a deep breath, readying myself for the sheer force of it to pound against the top of my umbrella.

By the time I got back to the dorm my legs up to my knees were soaked even despite my rain boots, as was the back of my coat and my umbrella. The notebook somehow survived the trip thankfully. As I was pulling it out of my jacket my phone buzzed in my coat pocket. A text from Mic.

Hey, over at the boys' and groceries are all put away

Is Gwil home? I might head over in a bit. Having a shit day :(

Aw im sorry :( he is tho I think. I'll ask

I waited a few seconds and then waited for the three dots while she typed.

He isn't but he's coming home in like half an hour from a reading

"Nice," I whispered to myself. Finally, something good today.

Im gonna shower. When he gets home tell him I'm coming?

Yeah ofc

I closed my eyes and took a deep breath, glad to finally have something to look forward to. I took off my jacket and hung it on my door to dry before walking into the bathroom and peeling off my soaked jeans and socks, letting them sit on the floor while I turned the shower to scalding hot. I hissed as it hit my back but quickly adjusted to it, letting the water pooling at the bottom thaw my toes. I picked up my razor with a little indecision. He wasn't even going to see my legs or my armpits as far as I was planning, let alone anywhere near my underwear... I shaved anyway. As a way to pass time in the warm water at the least, and at the most it would make my sheets feel nice later. 

I got dressed in some loose sweats and a tank top, foregoing a bra with the assumption I was the only one home but when I came out of my room Sarah was back from her class eating at the table.

"Hey!" She said with a smile.

"Hey," I said back quietly, walking to the cupboard and pulling down a bag of chips. "How was class?"

"Ugh, don't even get me started. That dude was still trying to argue with the professor the entire class," she explained, rolling her eyes.

"Someone should keep a tally of every time he says something and then at the end of class take that many points off his latest paper or something," I offered with a small grin.

"We should, oh my god," she laughed back. "Hey, are you okay? Mic said you were having a crappy day."

I nodded, shrugging. "Yeah, I dont know it's just... A lot of little shit adding up, y'know?"

She nodded with a sad smile.

I took a deep breath and tried to stay positive though. "Good news though, I'm heading over to see the boys in a little bit. Did you wanna come with?"

"Ah, I'm going to meet Ben for lunch after his class gets out in like half an hour."

"Ah," I said in confirmation. "Okay, I'll see you later tonight? We need another girls night in, it's been too long."

She smiled, nodding in agreement. "Yeah, I'll see if I can pick up some stuff beforehand. It's your turn to pick right?" 

I nodded, "yeah." 

"Okay, cool. Nothing scary please? I like sleeping without nightmares."

I laughed, carrying the chips with me back to my room. "I'll do my best to let you keep your beauty sleep," I said over my shoulder before closing the door. 

I sat down on my bed with a sigh, dropping the chips next to me and reaching for my phone.

Gwil just got home, he's in the shower rn tho

Okay tell him im omw and I dont mind waiting or something

I made sure to pull on a sports bra and a sweatshirt before I left, as well as a pair of fuzzy socks inside my rain boots. I was nearly jogging across the street to the apartment, buzzing with excitement to see Gwil. 

We haven't been out on any dates since our second when he kissed me, but we had a lot of days where we walked each other to class or we'd get lunch together. Sadly, we hadn't kissed much since then but we made up for it with a lot of hand holding, or his palm on my back, or my hand on his knee and honestly... it was kind of nice just like that. Still, a day like today deserved some serious hugs at the very least. 

My frozen fingers shook as I pressed the buzzer and I exhaled in relief when it buzzed again and the lock clicked open, allowing me to rush into the warm elevator and ride up to the apartment. When I got up to the door though, I hesitated. 

Do I knock? Do I just walk in? Do I knock and then walk in anyways? 

I pulled out my phone and texted Mic.

Im outside the door

Come in lol?

Come open it I feel weird 

Between the previous cold and my embarrassment I'm sure my cheeks were tomato-red. She just smiled upon seeing me, waiting for me to take off my dripping boots and then motioning her head toward the couch.

"Gwil's probably getting out soon, you can wait with me and Joe on the couch," she explained, sitting back down next to Joe to watch whatever movie they had playing on the TV. I perched awkwardly on the edge of the cushion, trying—and failing—to control my bouncing knee while I waited for Gwil. 

"Hey."

I almost jumped at the soft greeting, springing off the couch and turning to him. My heart was thumping in my chest nervously.

He was just in sweats and a t-shirt but something about it was just so… hot. I hadn't noticed how shaggy his hair was getting until now, still dripping wet and hanging over his forehead a little. I almost missed when he jerked his thumb over his shoulder. 

"Do you wanna… my room?" He asked awkwardly.

I nodded enthusiastically. "Yeah- sure yeah."

I followed quietly behind him as he walked down the hall, stepping into the room and waiting for him to close the door. Then I was stuck just watching while he moved to sit on the edge of his bed with a bounce. I pressed my lips together to suppress an awkward smile, looking around his room. He had different playbills taped up on his wall above his bed, and his desk was covered in papers and packets and textbooks.

"So…" I started, bringing my eyes back to face him.

"So…" he mimicked back, a gentle smile growing on his face.

I breathed out a little laugh and moved to sit next to him on the edge of his mattress, copying his bounce from before and then bumping my shoulder into his.

"So how was your reading? How did it go?" I asked lightly, trying to start some sort of conversation, any conversation.

"Good! It was good," he answered back.

And then more quiet.

"Okay this is awful," I admitted before I could stop the words from coming out of my mouth.

Gwil's eyebrows shot up in surprise, like he couldn't believe I was saying it.

"Can we just like… I don't know, can we just watch something on your laptop or something? I just…" I blew out a quick breath and started to feel my eyes burn with tears I'd been holding in. "I've had a really shitty day and I was so excited to come over and see you and I don’t want it to be all... weird like it is."

He was quiet for a second, which gave me some time to calm back down a little and not actually shed tears.

"You're right," he sighed, running his fingers through his hair. "Okay, why don't we… Do you have something in mind to watch?" 

It was my turn to raise my eyebrows. "I mean I… what do you normally watch? What's your favorite show?"

It seemed to do the trick, the tension slowly released its grip on the room and we even managed to move back on his bed so he was positioned laying against his pillows and I was tucked neatly under his arm, half laying on his stomach. We'd agreed on Criminal Minds and somehow watched our way through two entire episodes before we forgot it all together and started talking… and then, well, kissing.

It started off innocent enough. I'd turned my head to joke about Spencer's hair in this season but instead found Gwil already looking at me with a soft smile.

"What?" I laughed.

He just gave a full smile and shook his head. "Nothing."

We were both quiet for a second, and then he leaned in and gave me a peck on the lips.

Oh.

I smiled back and leaned back into him, pressing my lips to his again but longer this time, slower, lingering…

We pulled back slowly, eyes still half closed. And then I felt the slightest squeeze of his hand on my waist and he surged forward again, lips firmly against mine, his tongue teasing across my bottom lip before biting gently.

Oh. 

I hummed in appreciation, leaning further against him until my leg hooked in between his and his hand was sliding up my back into my hair and grabbing lightly. 

My heart was racing in my chest. Was this it? Was I going to fuck him not 50 feet from our friends? Why am i even thinking that? Calm the hell down. 

I practically had to force myself to pull away, my fist still twisted in his shirt, still breathing heavily and close enough to be tempted to go back but I made myself stop.

"We have to… we should just slow down a little," I said quietly.

Gwil nodded in agreement. "Yeah. Yeah you're right we should just… take it easy for a bit."

I nodded back. 

Still, we somehow gravitated towards each other again until we were kissing again, albeit softer this time. Somehow we managed to keep it slow. Calm. Instead of dipping back into... dangerous territory. It was just… nice. 

It was comforting and reassured a lot of doubts I had. It was almost like a little dance, like a conversation. He'd lean forward and catch my lip with his teeth and in return I'd slide my tongue against his lip. It was jarring when suddenly everything went quiet and we both pulled apart in question only to see Netflix asking if we were still watching.

I laughed a little which seemed to make Gwil laugh which made me laugh more and snort and then he laughed more until we were both clutching our stomachs gasping for air in between laughs. Once we'd finally calm down we were left just staring at each other, not waiting for the other to talk, just looking at each other's faces and smiles and eyes.

"Y'know I was having a pretty crappy day and you made it a hell of a lot more bearable," I said honestly.

"I'm happy I could make your day better," he answered back, his smile wide.

I paused for a minute, contemplating saying anything. "Is it… is it weird if I really like making out with you?"

He shook his head quickly, "no! No of course not. I'm glad my skills were… put to good use." His smile turned smug.

I shoved his chest jokingly, turning in his grasp like I was going to roll away. I grinned when his hand fell to my hip and pulled me back in against him so his mouth was slotted against mine.

"Where do you think you're going?"

"To find someone with better lines I guess," I laughed.

"Are you saying you don't like my pick up lines?" He fake pouted, lips puckered out and all.

I gave him a quick kiss. "That's exactly what I'm saying." I laughed again when he dramatically flopped against the bed like he couldn't believe it. I kissed his jaw sweetly, turning it into a raspberry which made him laugh.

"Careful there, I don't need any weirdly placed hickies," he warned with a grin.

"So just for clarification, you don't want a big hickey on your cheek?" I asked, pretending to get ready to mark his cheek.

"Definitely not."

"Hmm," I hummed in mock disappointment. "And I had such plans too."

"Yeah, I'm sure," he said back, turning his head to face me and tucking a piece of hair behind my ear. He slowly leaned in and gave me another peck on the lips, and then another… and then one more. "You know, I'm really glad you came over."

I smiled back at him. "Me too."

We were quiet once again, just staring at each other again, every once in a while saying some small comment or joke or compliment but otherwise quiet. After a little bit, just when I was starting to feel sleepy, there was a quiet knock on the door.

"Come in," Gwil answered.

Michaela poked her head in after a second with a small smile. "Hey, I was just going to head back, it's almost six," she said softly.

"Oh Jesus, is it really?" I asked in surprise, picking up my phone to see texts from Sarah asking when I'd be back home. "Damn," I laughed slightly.

"Yeah, Sarah said you wanted to do a night in so do you wanna go to the store before home?"

I nodded, slowly untangling myself from Gwil and sitting up, stretching out my muscles. "Yeah, I'll be out in a few minutes, I gotta get the feeling back in my legs," I chuckled.

"Okay, I'll go pull on my shoes."

I stretched out each of my arms and legs, turning awkwardly to stretch my spine before I sighed, turning back to face a very tired looking Gwilym. "Hi."

"Hi," he grinned back, briefly stretching his back before relaxing back against his pillows. "Before you go, come here."

I grinned and leaned back in, our lips connecting for a long, sweet kiss. "Was that all?" I asked after it ended.

"No, one more," he smirked, pulling me back in for another peck. "Okay one more," and then another peck, "just one more-"

"Gwil," I laughed in between kisses. "I- gotta- go- you big dork-"

He gave a big dramatic sigh after the last kiss when I stood up away from him. "Fine, if you must."

"I must," I grinned. "Sorry bub."

"No it's okay," he relented with a smile. "I'll see you on Saturday, right? You're still coming over to hang out?"

I nodded. "Of course, I can't wait." I was reluctant to leave him, looking so soft and inviting and ready for a nap… I forced myself to walk out and close the door behind me, walking out to the living room to find Mic pulling on her shoes while Joe stood by.

"Hey," I announced, making her look up at me after she had both boots on.

"Hey, ready?" 

"Yep, lets go get drunk," I affirmed.

"Woah woah woah," Joe interjected, making me turn to him.

"Sorry dad, was I not supposed to tell you that?" I laughed.

"No drinking and driving young lady, be responsible," he said, pointing a faux serious finger at each of us.

"Sure, yeah, whatever you say," I dismissed with a grin. I turned to Mic, "want anything particular? I was planning on wine and some candy."

She shrugged. "Sounds good to me. Grab me some of the uhh the sour patch watermelon things though? Oh! And Reece's pieces," she grinned at the last second as I was walking out the door.

"You already know," I grinned back, shaking my head and closing the door to let her and Joe do their own little goodbyes.

When I made it back down to the front door, ready to open my umbrella and sprint to my car, I noticed it had stopped raining. It was still wet everywhere and puddles took up half the sidewalk but the once black sky was lightened to a pale gray. Michaela beat me back to the dorm, unsurprisingly and I walked in with full arms, happy to be greeted by Sarah and Mic pulling things out of my hands and already opening things.

"Yesss you got the good shit Ella," Sarah said gratefully, pulling out a bag of m&m's.

"Always," I smiled, pulling out a plastic container of cotton candy for myself.

"Okay so what are we watching?" Sarah asked, already transporting stuff to the couches. 

It was obvious the two of them had moved everything for optimal TV viewing.

"I was thinking Umbrella Academy if that's cool?"

They both nodded, mouths already full of candy. 

I laughed. "Okay, Umbrella Academy it is then. I'll grab the wine."

Somewhere between the third and fourth episode we'd finished the first bottle of wine and went to open the second only to find it impossible.

"Just… open it," Sarah laughed, watching me trying to use the wine bottle opener to grab the cork and failing.

"I'm trying!" I laughed back, pulling out pieces of cork instead of the entire thing. "Dammit! Mic come help us!" I called.

The TV paused as she came over and looked over the destroyed cork, pushed nearly all the way into the bottle. "Dude what did you even do?!" She chuckled.

"I tried to open it, what do you think!" I laughed back.

"Okay, gimme a spoon, I'll shove it into the bottle."

"What? No take it out!" Sarah laughed.

"I can't! This one-" Mic laughed, pointing at me, "destroyed the cork and now its not gonna come out!"

I was wheezing from laughing so hard, practically laying across the counter. "I'm sorry!"

Sarah laughed at my reaction in response, squatting next to the counter trying to catch her breath as well.

"Fine I'll find a spoon myself!" Mic declared, still laughing while she tried to push down on the cork. "Ahah!" She yelled in triumph making us laugh even harder at the pop of it dropping into the wine.

We ate our way through almost all of the candy and the two bottles of wine over five episodes before we decided to call it a night (or well, early morning but same thing). 

It was nice, to go to bed feeling warm and loved and like a crap day had turned good. I fell asleep easily and without resistance, the opposite to how I'd woken up. It was a good day, I decided.

- - -

feedback is always appreciated and thank you for reading lovelies!!

[spacejew]

oops accidental personal post I guess

It's weird that I almost feel the need to go here to personal blog again because of a handful of irl friends following what was supposed to be a private personal Twitter in theory, just for like, idk, internet strangers and friends I made online not those imported from meatspace. Also those character limits... Suffocating.

Anyways yeah things are kinda stable but dissapointing lifewise? I'm definitely in a rut and stuck somewhere I'm desperately trying to get out of. Also like. idk. Gender shit. I think I really fucked myself over hard when I made the decision a few years back to conviously bottle up all my dysphoria and trans feelings and bury them and repress them hard and just live as a very gay and feminine bi boy and like. hm. I think I've been happy since? But im thinking now that maybe. Because that's still a part of my psyche that haunts me every day. I might actually have been mildly depressed this whole time and like, still struggling to make important life decisions because of the anxiety of that. Idk. Maybe if I got a therapist and realistic attention to that all those years ago and it turned out to be very real n legit and i got to make tough choices and live my truth, I would be equipped now to actually be joyful and able to fully focus on hard work and taking risks and putting myself out there and being successful and shit. Idk idk idk. I just have to wonder if all this time I've actually been quite unhappy and filling the void with dumb shit and a good deal of dissociation and complacency. Idk. what I'm saying is maybe I made a big mistake there lmao and could've started transitioning, if that's right for me, 4-7 years ago maybe, who knows. Haha so fun. Fuck me. Big Regrets, lads. But also I still don't know if that's right. Which probs means it is who am I kidding. Oof. But it's ok life is a journey I'm full of wise shit and I know it's not the end of the world. It just kinda. Makes me so sad on behalf of the old me who would cry so much because of dysphoria and living in this body in this life. She knew. I don't know why I buried her alive like that. Anyways.

I spent all year struggling to make an animated short (which ended up being kinda long tbh like 10 minutes?) by myself mostly, just me and my mental blocks and executive dysfunction and shit, but I was v passionate about it and worked hard and got to actually bring a whole vision to life, with basically nobody to tell me what to do, just give me feedback that I wasn't obligated to follow. It came out pretty nice and I'm very happy that I got to tell exactly the story I wanted and try a cool new look and I just wish I gave myself more time to work on the actual animation part but I put my heart and endless weeks and months of refinement into the storyboarding and script and every little detail and I really feel accomplished and like it paid off -- and I even got to do a private screening at my summer camp job that I was called in to do one more time at the last minute right when I finished my film, it was a miracle and so perfect, everyone cried and truly loved it and felt touched by it. And then I went to animation festivals! And all this cool shit! But... I haven't been able to figure out a public screening thing yet. And I feel like all my excitement is gone now. And I really wanted to polish the look and some backgrounds a little, just some very quick rerendering and comp, but. I feel like too much time has passed, i just feel dissapointed. I haven't put it online yet cause I haven't done my public screening, cause of my stupid anxiety about little details and overall idk imposter syndrome I guwss I feel more ashamed of it than proud of it even tho it's probably good, and like I feel that everyone was excited to support me but probably nobody cares anymore.

Basically I had all the wind taken out of my sails. Oh and right when I was trying to get it off the ground I guess and push through, my grandma died. I'm so heartbroken I loved her so fucking much and. She never got to see the film cause of my stupid bullshit. I feel so bad about that. So so bad. Ugh. And it's a film very very hilariously blatantly directly based on me and my feelings and my real family history, ultimately besides other main themes it's about talking to your grandparents and family about the past and your current feelings. And in it the main character, a girl, cough cough even though it's basically me, cough cough go figure, gender shit, anyways the climax is her going back in time to talk to her great grandma, and it's very emotional and my best friend of like almost 10 years now composed and recording a music for that scene for me. And now when I eventually screen this, my entire family and also myself is gonna get torn to shreds by this scene more than intended because my own fucking grandma, who I was excited to show this film to more than anyone on earth, passed so unexpectedly without seeing it. Fuck. Why didn't I send it to her when she was in the hospital? Obviously cause if I did that that would make it real and she wouldn't get better and all I do is live in denial. Ugh. Anyways yeah. The point is I'm stagnant and in a rut right now and just want to move forward and focus on making new work and just get a real career relevant job already. Tough year hit a well needed high and now petering off back into misery. Not to be dramatic. I'm ok tbh I have a part time I'm slowly getting sick of and a loving supportive partner and some very good friends, tho not as many as I used to see regularly and that's kinda sad too. That's your 20s babey.

I just need to move on and make big changes. My pattern rn is like. Work fri-sun, if I'm lucky I get to hang out with friends or lovers, usually at least with my partner. on monday I recover from working. on tuesday I have dnd and usually get some stuff done but honestly just catch up on warframe with my clan friends. wednesday my partner and I got to the park and library for half the day and eat and draw and talk. on thursday I mentally prepare for work again and usually we go out to play another roleplaying game with her roommates friends. a lot of that free time that's been left unmentioned is spent being over at bae's sometimes so I don't have the ability to get much work done. Lately I've spent most of my time planning a dnd campaign which is fun but also too stressful on account of obviously I'm not playing it yet so like what's the point, sorry friends who have patiently waited for months for me to be ready to start the game for them. And also like. Yeah idk. just sad and confused and resting my weary heart and body after a very rough month after my grandma passed. But! I did accomplish a very crazy deep cleaning of my room. I threw out 14 bags of shit at the least. I wish I weighed it all, it was a lot. I feel so much more organized and cleansed from that. For the record I didn't have any trash in my room, nor was it every a mess. Just every single cabinet and drawer was crammed full of stuff and I guess I hoarded a lot of shit. I was able to throw away a lot of things I held on to be cause of sentimentality and I'm proud of myself for growing that way. So like. Idk. It's not all bad, baby steps. I still feel like I'm constantly improving as a person! I'm positive, optimistic. Just tired, anxious, and feel bad.

Also I finally got a new phone and because of my hubris I dropped it without a case and it shattered only two weeks in. The day I was gonna buy a case. But it's ok. Story of my life I guess. I can't keep everything pristine and polished forever, one day shit falls and breaks but it's still usable. It has character.

I wasn't expecting to dump everything like this, sorry yall. Thanks for reading I guess. Also I forgot how to do a read more on mobile lol sorry

[shaykeijser]

riverdale 2x19

here are my thoughts/reactions to this weeks episode of riverdale. this wasn't requested but i posted one for another episode and it got a lot of notes (for me) so i'll do another one. this obviously will be including spoilers so i'm don't read under the cut if you haven't seen it/don't want to see spoilers! i've already seen this so they aren't technically 'first thoughts', but these were my thoughts when it happened. psa: i'm not a fan of jughead and betty. like at all. and sometimes archie. so if you're a die hard stan, who'll send me angry messages - feel free to because i love discussions!

- don't get me wrong i'm sad midge died but like...what made s1 good was the murder mystery plot. they 'solved' the black hood murders (if you think/thought svensen was the black hood then you're dumb sorry) way too fast which is one of the reasons why s2 is eh - are singing numbers gonna be a regular thing since the musical episode? i'm not mad but i'm just curious - lmao kevin being jealous of reggie comforting moose is a mood - also, i don't think moose killed midge or is the black hood, but it's gonna be so dumb if they don't consider him a suspect - especially since what he yelled before she was killed that was most likely a reaction to that weird fangs scene - we been knew (is that the phrase) that ethel sent them - why the fuck you lyin? @ moose - seriously tho moose the truth is gonna come out that you yelled whatever you said (i'm too lazy to figure out what it was directly) so you might as well own up to it now - AM I GOING CRAZY OR SOMETHIING BUT DIDN'T ARCHIE FUCKING SEE THE BLACK HOOD? WHEN HE WALKED INTO THE LOBBY OF THE PEMBROOKE AND SAW HIM BEATING THAT DUDE UP AND RAN AFTER HIM AND LOOKED INTO HIS EYES!?!?! WHY ISN'T HE TELLING ANYONE THIS ASJFJOA - "he was wearing a black hood" bItcH listen i believe that for whatever reason svenson was trying to act like he's the black hood but the fact that he was wearing... a black hood... shouldn't be your argument for why it's him - :(((( midge's mom sobbing is so sad - wtf was that look for penelope - LOOK AT PEA IN THE BACKGROUND OF CHERYLS SPEECH - mrs. klump SNAPPED - i could make a whole separate post reacting to the dumb shit betty's does in this episode. like her jumping to defend him? you've been trying since day 1 to get him out of your life since you brought him in. even though you saw how HAPPY he made your mother. i don't think he's behind the murders but why wouldn't betty want to investigate him? hell - i would want to investigate him just in case! - arch you're on to something - concerned veronica is so soft i love it - archie usually makes the dumbest mistakes (well he does a lot) but i'm so happy he's connecting the dots and realizing that the black hood isn't svenson - why is there such a weird gap between jughead and betty as the walk out of pops? like don't get me wrong, i don't ship bughead, but it's not because i don't think they have chemistry together. they usually have a decent amount. however, the gap reminds me of this cringy photo of my friend where he's 2 feet apart from his fav retired teacher and his friend. just saying - it couldn't be anyone...it'd yo dad and moose. he's going after those he tried to kill but failed to (tab) ps the black hood is such a shitty killer lmao like he got better with how he killed midge but when he tried the first time... - i'm not really a fan of varchie but ronnie saying that she doesn't even want to think bout anything bad happening to archie is supa cute - i can't stand hal why is he even getting screen time NO ONE LIKES HIM - archie caring bout fred warms my heart bc fred deserves the world. seriously. i love that man - archie made such a good point though bout how midge was killed in a full auditorium. like damn, the black hood really improved his game. even though i think it's the same guy, the same guy improving his murdering skills so much without practice is odd - IM ONLY 8 MINUTES IN UGH IM TIRED ALREADY - i feel so bad for ronnie she's being manipulated to the max. i'm happy she caught on rn but i can only hope  she continues that trend ~ btw i'm sweetvee trash and @veeandpea (love you iswa thanks for introducing me to this ship <3) pointed out such a good concept saying how they'll get together after ronnie realizes how she's being manipulated. just wanted to share that - bosom lmao - hermoine exploiting cheryl's grief and determination is so annoying and sad - "i am cousins with cheryl blossom" lmao i'm happy she's not trying to pretend they're friends anymore - hold up...they didn't go to the cops after the busted cheryl out!!? what the fuck - it's actually so dumb that betty wouldn't consider chic maybe not being her brother ugh - there's like no family resemblance with that kid in the picture idk what you're on old lady - ope it's a morph suit! tbt to halloween when these were all the rage - since when did betty know how to fight??? - graham phillips (the guy who plays nick) is actually so hot like why did they have to make him a bad guy!!! - how did he get hotter?? it's the stubble right - the only mob storyline i like is in general hospital (a soap opera i watch with my mom) - "he's not blood" y'all did that blood thing?? isn't that the equivalent - i get why the lodges aren't going to help archie but they got him into this whole mess - when called her opinion piece a 'thought piece' the journalist in me shuddered so hard i hard i had to pause the show -i'm iffy bout the sherrif keller because he is shit at his job but he honestly didn't sign up for the big mess riverdale is - why is this whole episode not interrogations/why did we only see a few?? i liked s1 because it was a murder mystery and right now it's just feeling like a drama - THIS IS SO HEARTBREAKING I LOVE ALICE SO MUCH SHE DOESN'T DESERVE THIS - why would nick care about your dad lmao - holy shit kj looks horrible with his hair flat like that - how did veronica know that wad of money wasn't enough so quickly is she super smart or something cuz i like that headcanon - #praying that nick and ronnie's money exchange is gonna be discrete - why is this show so dumb YOU DON'T PASS BLACK BAGS BETWEEN TWO ANGRY PEOPLE OVER THE TABLE??? IM DISAPPOINTED IN YOU CW I'VE SEEN Y'ALL DO BETTER SET UPS THAN THIS - ???how did he know it wasn't all of it - !?!!?why didn't ronnie just say no trust me it is because he would've been like eh ok (probably) - that's an insult to reptiles - this scene is so so sad madchen is such a good actress - FP DIDN'T MAKE A SCENE HE JUST HUGGED HER WHEN SHE TOLD HIM AWW I LOVE THEM - if i was betty and i heard that ringtone i'd put my phone down the garbage disposal oops - actually no i would change my number so he wouldn't be able to call me - what's the point of her writing those words down other than to annoy the viewers who can hear the marker squeeking - i'm starting to like archie a lot more i'm happy - i don't think chic killed him, i don't know if the whole overdosing explanation is true but i don't think he killed him - hart denton is such a good actor i love him i hope he doesn't leave - betty and veronica are supposed to be best friends again yet veronica's going into this all alone? have they even spoken this whole episode? - "some sinner's only confess when faced with certain death" aye that rhymes - protective fp is my favorite fp - i love a man who's learned from his mistakes that put him in prison - veronica and nick look hot as fuck - (btw i don't like nick he's just hot as fuck) - she so roofied him - why didn't archie try and do that shit to get out before - is where archie is and where veronica and nick are even close to each other? - hal's probably like shit i should have stayed away from this family - oh my god she's talking bout grundy!! the first time i thought it was jughead's old one that ended up being the candy man - AHAHAHAA veronica's putting nick up for ransom - i still don't think chic killed the real charles - betty not shooting the black hood during this scene is so dumb. maybe even one of the dumbest. i don't know though. she's done a lot dumb things - :((( i really like hart i don't want him to leave the show - dead ass when i watched this the first time i thought 'remember when kevin got his dad really drunk so he could steal the files' and now that i'm watching this again....i remember that happened in teen wolf - he's a mobster how can he help with a serial killer - no more lies elizabeth cooper! - i've thought hal was the black hood all this season so i'm happy more people think the same!!! but seriously betty suspecting her dad doesn't really make sense

[thedappleddragon]

ugh im big stupid and haven't been posting my shit here for a while. I've still been typing it out in my notes, I just havent transferred them onto here lol. im putting it all under the cut, don't worry

Today was pretty dang nice! I spent a little time outside because it was nice and warm out, I drew a little in my sketchbook and digitally rendered a picture of Anna’s new princess outfit, ran an errand with my mom to pick up a graphing calculator and a pack of soda, ate some Wendy’s, and did a lot of sewing for my dress! I joined the bodice lining and exterior, and did a little over half of the sewing for the skirt. I’m doing French seams so there’s no raw edges on the inside, so I still have to iron it and go over the second round of stitches. My machine malfunctioned for a moment with the thread tangling up in the lower bobbin thingy, so I left it alone for like an hour and it fixed itself lol. I’m very happy with how the bodice came out after clipping all the extra fabric in the corners and test fitting it. I think it’ll be great when it’s done!! Although I may or may not need to seam rip a little bit of the skirt to extend the zipper down so I can get it over my fuckin DUMPTRUCK when putting it on. Right now there’s enough stretch to put it on, but Idk how well that’ll stay after attaching the 2 pieces. Also it might end up making me look fat/preggo in the end with how the skirt lays lmao. I also did a really quick test fit with the sleeves, and I might actually like it better sleeveless? I’ll put one on anyway and go from there to see which I like better. HOORAY this dress has pockets!! But I may have put them a little low lol. I wanted to do a big dress debut at prom, but turns out graduates aren’t allowed due to covid restrictions :( so that really sucks. But we’re still gonna hang out a little bit beforehand, and I can still do a debut. I made a little bow out of some scrap dress fabric, which I want to put in my hair for pre-prom. I think I’ll braid my hair, maybe get some fake flowers from dollar tree and ribbon to add somehow, and put the ribbon either at the bottom or the top, wherever the hair tie eventually goes. I’m so exited to work on it more. I’m kinda running out of white thread tho so I’ll have to get more. Later in the evening i got hungry and made ramen while my dad and I watched a documentary on some of the horrible shit that went on all around the world during 2020, some of which I had forgotten about, some that was really surreal and out of a dystopian movie, and some stuff that was just upsetting to watch. It was still pretty good tho. I got work tomorrow and I’m really sleepy even tho it’s only 12:30 so I think I’m gonna grab a snack and go to sleep soon. Gnight mwah

Yesterday I worked and sewed until I ran out of thread and drew a little bit. Spent most of my shift watering flowers, then I went home and ate for a moment, then watered more and picked dead flowers and talked about avatar and other animated shows with the highschool girl I work with. Came home and hung out for a while, that evening made some good pasta. 

Today I justly hung out, then went with mom to pick up a bookshelf and went through strawtown which I thought was a very funny name for a town. There was a cute antique shop in there tho. On the way back we stopped in a sewing shop called Always in stitches. I expected it to be a very small shop, but it was SO much bigger than I thought it would be. They had tons of fabric and quilting supplies, and lots of old ladies working and talking. I picked up a cone of white thread and a fabric sample pack. Then I sewed my dress a little bit. I still have lots to do, and only like 2.5 days to do it. I’ll get there tho. All I have to do is add the skirt hem, add the pockets back in (I took them out so I could see them in normally), add sleeves and hem them, and add the zipper. And attach the skirt to the bodice. I think I’ll be able to do it. I had yogurt for the first time in forever today. Tbh I used just enough to hold together the strawberry and granola bits kgelgskgs. It was pretty good tho. I drew ELEVEN pages in my sketchbook, about 8 of them being a comic about the pony au of our royalty au. I could have done the comic with human characters but ponies are so much easier to draw aggsssdh. I spent 40 minutes typing out the dialogue and editing it on top of the rest of the comic so my friend could read it, but she still hasn’t read my text :( oh well that’s fine lol. The original plot was supposed to be Sam talking to an accidental illusion of me being mean about her blight, but then I accidentally made it something different. I might just draw the alternate ending instead. Update I just did

Yesterday I sewed and went to Menards to buy tile for moms bathroom.

Today was VERY productive, I feel like. I woke up and immediately took a shower and did laundry. I spent some one just sitting on my bed scrolling and researching while listening to medieval remixes of songs lol. At some point I went out to buy subway for everyone and stopped at dollar tree for nail polish and satin ribbon. I made the ribbon into a little choker and wanted to use it for the hem of the skirt, but I was too short. In total I spent HOURS hemming and pinning and seam ripping and ironing and sewing today, but it’s still not done. I gotta kick my ass into high gear if it’s gone be done by Sunday afternoon. I started sewing the bottom hem, but my machine has been doing this weird thing where the fabric scrunches up right past the sewing foot and leaves wrinkles and gathers so loose I can move it around with my hands easily. I think it’s just my tension being too tight or something, I adjusted it a bit and I’ll test it in the morning. I’m too tired and it’s too late at night to be doing that much sewing. I seam ripped the entire back skirt seam so I could extend the zipper a little further down, and I’ll sew it back up once the hem is done. After that all I need to donis connect the skirt to the bocice, fix the zipper, and hem the arm holes. I don’t want to use the sleeves I made because the edges don’t line up at all and I don’t think I would be able to lift my arms, the way it’s built. The nail polish I picked up works way better than I thought it would, leaving a pretty good metallic sheen after just one coat. Way better than I thought for a dollar. I helped mom lay down tile a little bit, ripping up one old tile and helping a bit at a time throughout the day. I kept asking if she wanted help with the actual tiling part but she said no. We also couldn’t get the fuckin box cutter I bought to work. It’s supposed to be easy to replace the blade, but we couldn’t figure it out lol. I’m falling asleep fun. Washed my face twice, trying to take good care of myself before prom so I look good in photos. Gotta wash hair tomorrow. Made hamburger meat

Spent all day sewing and listening to bardcore remixes. Dress is as done as I bother to make it rn

Tbh I was hoping for a little more for today. I’ve spent the last like week or longer working towards this, and going especially in depth the past 3 days. I got all silky smooth, worked for hours on my dress, thought about pretty much nothing except prom day. I was late because my dad had my neighbor come over to take pictures of me in my dress. I thought it was just going to be her holding my dad’s phone to get a picture of us together, but she brought her whole ass professional camera and spent several minutes taking pictures. Then I took the weirdest way possible to get to my friend’s house on accident because google maps said it was the fastest way to get there. But HEY when I did get there I enjoyed hanging out with my friends. We ate some dinner AND??? Sammie I’m sorry if you’re reading this but THE MASHED POTATOES?? WERE S O BLAND????? AFAJSTSTHJST ily but girl. Just a little salt could have gone a long way <3 the steak and especially the green bean casserole were good tho :) dinner was good with the sparkling juice and little desert. Overall everything was just very loud, but that’s to be expected when this is everyone’s first time seeing each other in a goddamn while: actually I think they’ve all seen each other at school without me but hey whatever. I think I fucked up my phone screen on accident by sitting on it while it was in my pocket with my keys, leaving a spiderweb crack in it. I checked and yeah it’s not just the screen protector :( eh I don’t care that much, It didn’t fuck up the lcd screen or anything. We went up to Sam’s room and hung out and talked while she did Liz’s makeup and took pictures, and I borrowed a little of her concealer before photos. There was a little photo shoot in their front yard, and looking at the photos I look a little fat in them but I LOVE all the photos taken in Sam’s room where we were all just hanging out. Idk why but whenever you have to do photos and they say to do a silly one, it never turns out good, but the fun ones you casually take always turn out way better. They’re more genuine :) but then it was time for everyone to go to prom and for me to go home 😔 we only hung out for like an hour and a half. I didn’t want to take off my dress, seeing as I put in so much effort to sew the whole dress and shave and look pretty, so I wore it around the house for a bit until I got tired and went to lay in bed. I watched the mitchels vs the machines, which is a fuckin DELIGHTFUL movie!! Everybody go watch it it’s so cute <3 I also played some Pokémon and watched a little YouTube in bed, but feeling unfulfilled and wanting to do something different, I just didn’t know what. So instead I started typing this up as my sister brought me a cupcake from prom :) I had a bite and put the rest in the fridge, since it was so big and in a plastic container. I texted a friend over Snapchat asking if they had fun at prom, and they said it was kinda ass. I tried relating and saying yeah all school dances are a little ass, and my friend group once had anti prom and played dnd instead, but they just said ‘that’s nice’ back and idk if that means they’re annoyed at me or they’re just tired and didn’t wanna text or what but :( idk. Either way it’s fine, right now all I care about is going to bed. Gnight I guess. Also I keep thinking about that textpost that’s like “diary of icarly” and she talks in these simple-ass sentences and now I feel self conscious about how I write these snafnfs. I already know I write like a child in these, but that’s just because I don’t wanna go through the effort of making this sound nice and professional every day lmao. So child writing it is. Also painted my nails really horribly and it took forever to clean up which made me late

Woke up, went to work, spent a little time stocking, watered indoor plants, then attempting to work the register, and organized plants the rest of the time. I stood behind one of my coworkers as she checked people out, kind of understanding what she was doing but not that much, and read the manual in down periods. She had me check out a couple people, and it was NERVE WRACKING AS HELL. Thankfully everyone was very nice, and my coworker stood by and helped, and right as I was getting my foothold, my boss called for me to work outside and bring in the new shipment of plants. BUT YOU KNOW WHAT WAS REALLY NICE?? I was actually able to help some people today!! :D I’m slowly getting better at my job which is nice :) originally I was only gonna work 4 hours, but there were more plants to get and I felt like I could keep going, so I ended up working 6 instead. Every time I come home from the end of my shift I feel bad for not working more and like I should have stayed longer. Tbh I think I could do it if I had a proper break! I’ve been doing 4 hour shifts with maybe a water break in the middle because i don’t know how to ask to go on break ;-; Ike my secondary boss in the garden center is super nice and approachable and friendly but the main boss is like. Terrifying. I never know when he’s joking or being serious and I don’t understand him and assffsfamms it SUCKS. But whatever, I went home and ate some Mac n cheese and laid in bed because my back hurt and played on my ds for the rest of the night. I tried a couple new games, none of which I spent very long on. I tried okami den where you’re the wolf puppy child of the precious games protagonist I think, and idk maybe I’ll give it a better try in the future, but I wasn’t feelin it. I spent like 30 minutes on a pro bass fishing simulator and couldn’t clear the first level because the fish wouldn’t get close enough to my boat lmao. Sonic and Mario at the Olympic Games was fun until I lost at table tennis to Mario. I’d play it again. But I have work again tomorrow so I gotta go to bed good night. Having to blast my fan and play drawfee on my phone to drown out moms tv again >:(

Ate a pbj for breakfast? Went to work, moved plants around, took my lunch break, went to subway with an expired coupon, ate at home and times it perfectly so I could watch one section of the new drawfee episode, went back to work, made myself sad thinking about the god girl homunculus from fullmetal alchemist, picked dead flowers off the petunias, left a little early, hung out at home, left to go get mom’s medicine, found my dad at the store, followed him around and shopped for a bit, can home to unload everything, talked with him about buying one of the cars from him so it would be under mom’s insurance after the divorce, talked about being able to hang out at dads apparent after we help him move, ate some of the stuff we bought, and now I’m hanging out in bed again. I picked up my Pokémon black save and played a while today which was nice. I think I’m gonna work more in the next few days, be really busy with shit for like a week, and finally have a breather after the 15th. I really need to switch brain gears back into college stuff soon so I can sign up for orientation and figure out finances and shit, but for now it’s midnight and I don’t have to think about it lol

Today was pretty good, but also pretty boring. I played Pokémon all day since I didn’t have work, cooked some hamburger meat, and went on an errand for mom but got the wrong thing so I went out later to buy the right thing. I got spicy chicharrones instead of regular ones oops. On my drive back from getting the right thing, I rolled all my windows down and loved the feeling of driving around right after sunset when the weather was nice but cool, especially after standing in mom’s loud-ass room trying to ask about her bank card. I thought about going back out to aimlessly drive around the park and back, but instead hung out in my kitchen as my cat fell asleep on my lap. I think I’m gonna get paid tomorrow, so that’s exciting :D I probably made a solid couple hundred dollars if I had to guess. Idk what I’m getting paid per hour, but it’s probably ~$10 and I COULD go through my texts again to see how much I’ve worked, but I don’t really wanna lmao. I should just start putting that in my notes app instead...

Just had probably the most involved, longest dream ever?? It was a mix of infinity train and dangenrompa, we were mostly stuck inside my house, one boy left for years to search for supplies, I tried biking along a tail that disappeared into tree roots and a ditch with grass, cried because we had been in the same car for so long I was afraid they were gonna make us kill someone to get past, and at the end we escaped or something and had to fuck up security cameras and get past loopholes and lots of cereal boxes were involved? Idk there’s just so much I don’t remember. I wasn't sure if I had to go to work today, so I sent my boss a text and just kinda hung out. was making  hamburger meat for my mom when my boss called asking me to come in, so I took a shower and worked from 1-5. spent some time at the register, and got way better at checking stuff out :) I learned a couple things, and there was one old lady in particular who was very patient and nice to me while my coworker went to go find a smaller bag of birdseed. when it stopped being busy inside, I went ut to the garden center to help price plants and spent the rest of my shift out there. I got paid too! $9 an hour, 22 hours, $200 in total. hell yeah. not bad, although I literally have no frame of reference on if this Is good or not. after work I went home for a second, then got Hardee’s (or carls jr in the western states). I used a coupon for chicken tenders for me and my sister :) and while I was driving around today, I found myself wishing that everything in life could be as smooth and easy as driving my car through my neighborhood. and then I kinda laughed thinking about how I cried my first time driving on a major road asdjfasjdhf. but seriously I love driving my dad’s silver Volvo!! its so comfy with 4 wheel drive and good petal control, its like always driving on freshly paved roads <3 unfortunately that's the car my dad is taking when he moves into his apartment to use as his full time car instead of his shit-ass blue Volvo, and we’re gonna be stuck with the red Volvo with a really touchy gas pedal and slow break pedal. (idk if you've noticed but we really love old Volvos in this family. they’re all old and boxy as hell and I love em <3 ) then I played Pokemon black and beat the elite 4 and champion in one try with a lot of revives lmao. I was kinda underleveled, right at 48-50 range, same as them. I was angry about stuff and in pain earlier in the shower as I washed my hair, but I dont remember exactly what it was. now I have my soft Spotify playlist going so I can maybe go to sleep soon. oh wait I remember being angry that all I could thin about all day was work, even tho it only takes up a few hours of my day, and then I do nothing all day afterwards. idk it’s just weird.

[ts-akhmim]

Episode 8 | ”Being a muppet is a contagious disease. ” - Ali

omg so?! i need to do a proper long confessional and go through my thoughts because i just got like a tsunami of information but... jake lived?! and idoled out scott who i thought was gonna win?! hello?!? i'm so so so excited because now i get to work with jake and he is SUCH a shield, and me/him/autumn are gonna ride off into the sunset im manifesting it.

what the HELL is going on here first jake pulls out an idol (which i was JUST gossipping with jordan pines about him having it because i know just how he plays and would ya look at that!) i was so ELATED to read he did that, thinking ok, i gave him a fair warning those false beauties we're gonna get us all, and they voted him unanimously so surely he'll take one of them out and ... HE TAKES OUT SCOTT?? i dont even have time to process this bafoonery yet because here i am, minding my business, trying to watch micronesia to heal the hole in my heart left by w*nners at w*r, eating a piece of pizza and then BOOM we merge?? but oh ok! they said we get a nice little break, lemme not stress and go back to eating my piz- NOPE THERE IS SO SUCH THING AS A BREAK IN SURVIVOR GORL I SWEAR I PUT MY PHONE DOWN TO GET ONE BITE, I COULDNT EVEN ENJOY MY EXTRA CHEESE BECAUSE MY TELEPHONE IS BLOWING UPPPP people are spilling tea left and right, i probably dont even have time to write this so i gotta keep it short and sweet; the false beautys are really trying to slide in my pms and sing kumbaya and if they wanna sing with me, bring it on because they are not a songstress like i am, ill riff run and harmonize yall right off this island. PERIOD. ive been REALLY trying to play up this card where im just some dumb bitch, let everyone keep thinking im the mayor of boo boo the foolsville, but i know a lot more than i let on so catch the tea on that

i swear for it being our "day off" this sure has been the most work i feel like ive had in a hot minute first of all fuck the tomb but FUCK this pyramid even more the second it was announced i found the extra link to the slide puzzle on the blog within SECONDS but 1) i suck at slide puzzles and 2) MY COMPUTER CRASHED HALF WAY THROUGH IT SO I HAD TO START AGAIN. literally took me 2 hours to finish, so that was embarrassing, then much like how the tomb had questions, this pyramid has a hashi puzzle to solve in EIGHT MINUTES....which i dont even know what the fuck that is sorry to this hashi man i gave a good effort but didnt get it in time, so im gonna try again tomorrow of course but im sure someone who isnt a dumbass had better luck than me and got it so thats that on that ....also gorl some of these people aka kendall really got the audacity, she messages me today and is like IS JAKEY COMING TO YOU SAYING STUFF ABOUT ME TRYING TO PIT US AGAINST EACH OTHER oh gorl, if only you knew its ME going to jakey saying shit about YOU trying to get him against YOU, because your first mistake was trying to prepare an alliance to vote me out, your second mistake was running around telling everyone i have an idol, and your third mistake was making an enemy of jakey, now there's this angry jakey on the loose and im gonna just try to work my magic to tame him and keep him like a pet dragon on my side to get them out and then deal with whether i think ill be able to trust him going foward, but again, i know i voted him out last game so i cant rule out him trying to target me already, especially if somehow worst case scenerio people try to pick us off first for knowing each other also had a call with augusto which was.... interesting, look, i genuinely like him as a person even though i still feel some type of way about him turning fake on me, so i definitely want to maintain a friendship with him even if it's hard for me to just stomach talking to him because of how stupid he must think i am, keep your friends close but your frenemys closer!! then i just had a call with devon too which was also interesting because, i do like him as a person, but idk how to feel about it!!! after all of them lying to me in the beginning im already feeling PTSD and dont know if i can trust anyone, but he gave me some valuable information even more so just reaffirming them all thinking i have the idol which i know is a crock of bs because DAMMIT IVE TRIED I JUST DONT HAVE IT. I know amir has it, it's so obvious to me, maybe augusto?? but i think amir. apparently devon also just kinda said he think he could see the first vote coming down to me or jakey or even him which.......makes me really nervous, i wasnt planning on fighting for immunity at the auction i wouldve rather had an advantage of some sort, but i think with this cast, and the amount of intertwined relationships going into this first tribal, i want that immunity necklace and im gonna do my damndest to get it OKAYYY this game is going to drive me insane, i feel like ive been running my mouth TOO much and talking to too many people and am gonna get voted out for it but i also simultaneously feel like i havent talked to people no where near enough and, am gonna be voted out for it so ???buckle the fuck up ladies we've officially boarded the confusion express so im just gonna try and sit back and enjoy the ride ig

Welp we are on the bottom... shit. I'm going to be honest, this week has not been great for me. Like my real life is slowly going to shit and now my fake life has been screwed. Thanks Jakey... you dick. All is not lost, because out there in the distance is the iconic duo of Jordan Pines and Kendall Duffy AKA Sarah and Woo. You know, Sarah and Woo. That iconic duo in Cagayan. Remember that one time Sarah walked up to Woo and said "Sup I'm Sarah," and he nodded and said "Woo". And that other time they were sitting on the same log laughing at something Tony said? That is stuff of legends man. Okay so genuinely Jordan meant to say Tony and Woo but he accidentally said Sarah and Woo and now this is our legacy. The plan is to play it both ways. As this isn't going to be a simple Pangonging. Obviously a beauty is going to leave but before we all go, they are going to try to get rid of some of the brawns. The goal is that the beauty isn't me and the brawn isn't Jordan. I know you're legally not supposed to trust Jordan Pines but it's never really been the case for me? IDK maybe it's cause he always gets sniped before I betray him. Maybe it's cause the one time he voted me out it was cause I committed suicide by cop. But for the most part he's a realible ally. Also this would be a shitty and stupid lie right? Like he knows I don't have an idol, literally everyone knows that! Trying to get in my good graces is a terrible fucking idea, Jesus. Right now I'm just going to market myself and the others as a free vote. I know it's not realistic to get Augusto and Amir to the finals but it's all I really want. We've been through shit together. I don't want to be put in a position to get them out. I also believe that either Jakey and Ali has the idol. So this round I'm going to flush it. I'm not going to be able to get him out, I just need him to believe he's going to be voted out. He's a very paranoid individual, it shouldn't be too difficult.... I am not going home tonight. I refuse to. 

okay so i haven't done a good typed confessional in a WHILE and i have thoughts. so i'm basically really frustrated with a lot of this tribe and i don't know how to vocalise it. but first the positives.. the fact that i have an alliance of me/autumn/jake brings me such a rush of seretonin, i love them both and i will fight my hardest to get the three of us to the endgame of this game. i think rn my goal final five is me/jake/autumn/adam/devon, adam because i dont think he is playing this game as well as he necessarily thinks he is, but i also think we have trust and he is someone who is scoop-up-able? and then devon i get good energy from him and his straightforward energy i'd like to see in the endgame. the rest however.... whew. well actually Liam is fine, he is sweet and doing his best. of the rest tho... hmm. kendall's energy doesn't quite land with me, her dry sense of humour doesn't really work with me ha so i feel like we are gonna struggle to gel as allies (especially since we are either side of the weird brawn/beauty divide). augusto is very chatty but its a lot of chatting for... the sake of it, like his social game is to just overwhelm you with lots of messages but its nothing of substance. amir i actually like!! he has me-energy, i would actually like him to stick around (he is a good shield too). duncan i am still sus about from premerge, but i'd love to mend that bond because i might need duncan?! tj and jordan both give snake energy... tj is suddenly back to being non-commital with me and it frustrates me, i wish he would like... talk to me KJLSADF. jordan is the same i always get weird energy from him and he was in that weird alliance during the swap and didn't tell me... feel a f10 boot for jordan ideally. honestly its just frustrating i feel like everyone on this tribe is so cagey and like just thinks talking a lot is social game?! and its... not. but yeah ideally first four merge boots: kendall, augusto, tj & jordan (tho the last two is open to consideration if they stop being shady to me KJSDFA).

I just got immunity in the auction and I feel like I wasted a chance to get some long term for my game. Because I wasn't going anywhere this round (I don't think), but like at least it prevented some other people from getting it which allows me some room to make a couple moves without too many repercussions. In terms of social standing, I truly think I have put myself in a good spot. Jakey and Jordan have both said they want me to be their number ones; Devon also has said the same and has told me that he holds the Double Vote. I know that Autumn and Duncan are both willing to work with me in our alliance with Jordan. Liam and I have bonded quite a bit. And I get good vibes from Augusto, Kendall, and Adam. So the big question now is, my target at the moment is Amir... how do I get him out? I need to break up Amir, Augusto, and Kendall so that I have a better chance of working with Augusto specifically down the line and hopefully Kendall as well. I have a feeling that Adam will push for one of the trio and the trio will push for Adam or Jakey, which should give me plenty of ammo to try and make that move. Correction to my last confessional... the trio can't target Jakey because he's immune. Suck it!

i really... really just got my second idol huh... i cant believe it. i bodied that idol hunt, i sat their trying like six hundred combos for the morse code, got that demonic tile and did that evil hashi puzzle... im so happy hehe okay so ignore my super jaded confessional from yesterday im back in again akdjfsaf im literally on a reign of terror doing harsh confessionals then apologising but askdjfafa we move. so yesterday was a real busy day, we had the auction, i called lots of people and... i got myself a little bit of bling. with the auction first, it was really interesting. i misunderstood the "idol block" so i snatched it up, but then it just blocks hunting for the idol versus playing one, but for my mental health am glad i have that. i also got the vote revealer, which was like a mid-tier thing that im happy to have just got a second thing tbh. then i had like six hundred calls kaljsdfas. i called with devon first, he is really sweet and we had a great talk tbh? i really like him and hope we stick together. i did then go on to have very similar conversations to the one i had with him, with augusto and amir, but i felt best about the conversation me and devon had tbh. augusto is sweet, and very social. like i'd prefer to vote him to kendall, but i like him ha and feel like we have a bond now. i think i could be a good number moving forwards (i wouldn't want him gone 11th/10th). amir is also very nice, we are calling tomorrow, and i just dont think targetting amir is in my best interest rn? like what's the end goal in doing that. so then right now. i think i want the merge vote to be kendall? i feel like if we let that trio slide, its scary, and i have a closer connection to amir and augusto of the three. i think then the brawn tribe can turn inwards, but im eager to push the brawn tribe like "implosion" until after that trio is taken apart (to the style of splitting up alex c/jones/mo from montenegro) also otherwise i got an IDOLLL, or rather my second hehe. i put in a LOT of work to get it, i translated morse code, i did a demonic hashi puzzle, i got the 2048 tile. i earned this idol and im very proud. now i have two idols so have such wiggle room. and i'm building bonds across the tribe... im not saying im set, but... im covered for the time being

okay so im a clown and got frustrated with jordan for telling jake he was hesitant to keep me in... jordan just told me he has been downplaying our connection to people like jake KJLSDAFA so i fully just bought into nothing.

i am starting to feel my standing in the game rise, like im building bonds... everywhere. like im starting to become set to go the distance because i have lots of lowkey social bonds and because im not overtly super strategic i dont think i seem as threatening.

okay so ideal merge bootlist: f4: me/autumn/jake/devon, adam (5th), liam/jordan (6th/7th), amir (8th), duncan (9th), augusto (10th), tj (11th), kendall (12th) and then at the moment the order i would vote for people as a juror (bringing this back from montenegro): jake > autumn > amir > jordan > duncan(?) > devon > augusto > adam > tj > kendall > liam because i think jake has already idoled someone, and to make it to f3 after that is super impressive. autumn is a queen, has real strategic savvy and will have made moves to get to the end. amir is very much like autumn and him making it to the end. jordan is an amazing player and tbh deserves a win. duncan is really in game-mode and id love to see him in FTC (what a role reversal), devon has a real rootable underdog story, augusto is a social king, adam needs to pick it up beyond just targetting beauties to get my vote. tj/kendall are question marks for me, and then liam i LOVE but he doesn't necessarily 100% want to be here so i would be tentative to vote him. but its crazy because i think: jake/autumn/devon/adam/liam/jordan/amir/duncan... all trust me to some extent that's... such a large portion of the tribe. so i need to be careful im not scorning people too much, but this is a real work-able situation i think ahh

Interesting development that both Kendall and Amir want/wanted to call and talk to me. I just finished talking to Kendall (she is so sweet, I enjoy talking to her!) and I definitely see an avenue where we work together, but I am concerned that there does seem to be a guard up, which I totally understand given that we haven't been on a tribe together. We both kind of mentioned that Liam has been flirting with the idea of asking to be voted out which gave me an avenue to not say that the name I would throw out is Amir. I do hope that Liam isn't adamant about going because I truly do care for him and want him to stay in this game. I picked up a great ally in him after the initial Brawn vote and losing him now won't be fun. It does dispel this Brawn alliance people probably expect to be happening, but am I at ease with Liam going to facilitate that? But if that happens, that delays the fight between Adam/Jakey against the trio of Augusto/Amir/Kendall, which in fact would be good for me as it allows me to slide by for another week... ugh, decisions decisions. Why do I feel like this first vote could determine the rest of my game?

So Liam still wants to be in the game, which is good. I can easily work with that. Yes, I feel awful telling Kendall I thought the vote would be Liam, but now that he seems to want to be in the game, I think I can work with Liam possibly staying. I still have to wait it out and listen to what some others think, but I may be back on the board of going for one of the trio. I know Jakey wants to do Kendall, but I don't want her to go just yet. Eventually, yeah probably, but I do want her here.

Whew merge merge merge. Tonight is the first night to play my legacy advantage, i could block a vote but honestly im probably not going to. Id be pretty caught off guard if i was the target tonight and I think id rather let it fester to an idol, whether for me or someone else later tha depends on my game play. Last night was the auction and boy did jordan win big, i got a whole vote steal that im pretty sure no one knows about. I created a believable (i think) lie about what i bid on and spread and thankfully adam came out the gate with a super fact checkable lie about the auction so i think most of the heats on him. For the vote it could be a beauty butpart of me really sees liam going home just cause people are so scared of how many brawn are in the game, and like thats fine i can deal with that. I am slowly building my relationships to the point where i can get the ball rolling enough to do some damage. Ive been biding my time in the shadows for most of this game, but Jordan Pines is about to rise!

this round is what we call a mixed bag like the auction? hated that girl. I saved my money and all I got was a drawing like sis this is the Survivor Auction not an actual auction ;-; but other than that, I’ve felt really good about how I’ve been playing? Like always, I’m trying to be the Belle of the Ball and have everyone want me as a date yknow? Currently, I have my main allies (Amir, Kendall, Devon) but others (Autumn, Duncan, Ali, Jordan, Jakey) have expressed that they want to work with me which is cute! I don’t know who to trust tho ngl but yay? My main priority is getting my footing in the game this first round and hopefully getting out a Brawn. The main two I want gone from the Brawns are Liam M and Jordan Pines. Liam M is the easier sell and I don’t mind that, Jordan Pines is someone I want gone soon though. I also want Adam gone if at all possible sometime soon but we shall see! 

i take it back jordan and duncan can go again...? literally like both of them preach up and down that we are gonna work together, then pull shady stuff like saying me and adam are a duo in their alliance chat of gremlins with love of my life autumn and professional robot tj?! literally just because y'all linked up at swap and think you are gods gift to alliances doesnt mean me and adam are a duo? i just talk to him and actually give him a chance in this game unlike like... 99% of this cast. now i cant really defend adam at all or people are gonna try and snap my neck? which sucks... adam was in my endgame but because i see him having a losing finalist arc versus me being a duo with him. so that sucks but well. it just reconfirms to me that i have to trust autumn. which is not hard because i literally love her sm and i want to see thrive in this season. so i am praying it works out. this cast continues to prove that being a muppet is a contagious disease.

im absolutely LIVID right now.... i dont even know where to begin ?? let's start with this: are we playing SURVIVOR or are we playing america's next top CLOWN?? because based on how silly all these people are it doesnt seem like survivor. this is my 3rd time playing this game, and never once have i ever made it to a merge where .... every single person wants to just settle on one name since they're the "easy" vote.... and yet that's all im being told with people wanting to vote liam?? at this point i hope the plan is to vote ME out and everyone is just telling me liam because i dont want to play the game with a bunch of feeble minded school of fish who have no backbone. first of all everyone has wanted to do nothing but play that ANNOYING ass "ooh its been quiet i havent heard a name yet" game for the entire day. We're 3 hours before tribal and all the sudden everyone wants to sing kumbaya and vote for liam??? because he's not around, which guess what it does make him an easy vote but....this is survivor why would you EVER vote that person off in the merge right away, he can literally go next or any other time. I refuse to sit back and just conform to it, ill probably end up having to, but im gonna try to push what to ME makes the most sense, not only for myself but for everyone... to get one of those 3 false beautys out. I've been going to a lot of people and basically saying "Let me break it down for you: one of them 150% has the idol??? and thanks to the suvivor auction, and based on what ive gathered from people they probably have advantages too.....why waste this vote being "easy" because then next round....they're gonna know it'll be one of them and so......they're gonna play all their shit and take someone out, and i absolutely reserve the right to laugh at whoever it is because theyre an idiot and didnt want to wake up and play the game (unless it's me of course oop) I've approached, jakey, autumn, duncan, jordan, ali, devon, tj, pretty much ANYONE who has a brain to just state the obvious.....its stupid getting liam out. literally the stupidest and quite frankly downright embarrassing move to make for a group of players of this caliber. and you know what responses ive gotten? "oh its too soon to rock the boat" "we have to get one of those brawns out" "yeah we just have to go with the brains on this one" ??? too soon??? at merge??????? to play the game of survivor??????????? at this point im about to try and just tell liam with the very slim chance that he has an idol and can use it on himself because how am i supposed to try and play the game of survivor with people who dont want to play its frustrating. **update as i was writing this i just had a call with jordan pines, im not as mad anymore after smoking weed with him for like 20 minutes ahfdd but its BORING LIKE WAKE UP PEARL LETS PLAY SURVIVOR...i probably made a big mistake pushing those 3 to as many people as i just did but whatever hopefully it at least planted seeds with people and people actually try and approach me in the future rounds with that idea again in other news, the auction happened and i got the power to go to the prejuror island and plead my case with them regarding this next vote, no one was even there so that was lovely i felt like i was talking to myself so nothing new there, i peeped connor was online but didnt have anything to say when i showed up, much like how he never had anything good to say in the game and that's why he was voted out, but ANYWAY. im pissed i made a case to them to vote for amir and now no one will even make the move with me. I also bought a challenge advantage which i wanted MOSTLY so i could just tell people thats what i got from it because to me i suck at challenges anyway, so it shouldnt paint as much of a target on my back and i want people to know i dont have one of those really scary ones (and i also want to keep making people think amir or kendall has something good), but ali did confide in me he has the vote reveal which made me trust him a lot more, and i dont plan on revealing to anyone what he told me so anywho, tribal is NOT gonna go my way tonight, i tried to make a move but liam is unfortunately completely unsaveable because he's not around even though i do like talking to him personally, i opened the door to people and it just got slammed in my face but in this game you have to learn when to drop it so im hoping i dropped it fast enough to not be a future target because people could still very well vote me out next because they'd be taking out the only real beauty left!

tj, jordan and duncan are all going home as soon as possible. they really think they are slick and they are not. they think they can badmouth me, my game and my position and it wont get back to me. there is a word for it and it is clownery. one of them is going to get to stepping really soon. maybe jordan.

also i cant be too mad at liam because im voting him but i wish it wasnt like this. well. what can you do. if he plays an idol im playing mine.

Now that we're told the right day... Well, it looks like most people are back on the Liam Train, and damn I really don't want this move to be made. Like, yes, it will set me up well moving forward: less "Brawn Alliance" hype, more battles between Adam/Ali vs. Beauty Babes, and a decent amount of social mobility for me. But this just feels like a giant waste and I don't know how to stop this at this rate.

First of all: YAASSSSSSSS WE LOVE MAKING THE MERGE!!!! I’ve gotten over my Scott grief and actually am pretty content with him out of the game since he was a big contender to win it all. The time I’ve been able to spend talking to people has been amazing and I feel like I genuinely have a good relationship with everyone on the tribe besides Liam, which is why I’m happy to see him go. He’s a really nice guy but he’s not adding anything to my game. I expect the vote to go 11-1-1 tonight. I could always get idoled out or blindsided and that would suck but you try your best and do what you can! I think I have EXCELLENT relationships with Amir, Jordan and Autumn and that’s like the kingpins of each group so if someone comes after me hopefully I’ll hear about it one way or another. I need to get my head out of Amir’s ass though, I’m most excited to play with him and we called for literally 2 hours and 50 minutes yesterday. I’ve always thought he was cute and intelligent from when I was in the community before and I fangirled getting to play with him. I like to think I’m in a good position in this game so far, we’ll see as the game progresses. One last thing? ADAM!? SIS?!?! EVERYONE IS AWARE YOU LIED TO THEM! YOUR ASS IS GOING HOME NEXT! PERIODT!! (Hopefully I’ll be here to help vote you out lol

Well, here we are? This is where my game was MADE back in Guyana, however, I clearly don't have a solidified alliance I am willing to take to the end at this stage. We have 5 Brawns, three former winners, a person I voted out in Guyana, two people that voted me out, and a person I tried voting out last round all still in the game. Still, I am going to make the best of it. In the short period of time this game has provided, I have been able to make REALLY solid connections. Not all of them are 100% genuine, but the hope is that they're enough to gain trust and information that I can use to advance my game. 

if i go home tonight im gonna lose my marbles

so basicallyyyy jakey is gathering intel from the other sideand apparently theyre all scared of me, grow up??? im literally harmless wtf

HOHOHOHOOGO WHO WANTS SOME TEA ? SO DUNCAN SPILLED THAT back long ago on original hathor, remember when I was losing my mind thinking aj ratted everything to Adam It was THE TRUTH and I’m glad aj has been dealt with. It’s what he deserves .

adam thinks hes so fucking slick running around telling everyone i gotta go and that i have the idol, and then messaging me in my pms trying to call and have a "tea-spilll uwu" when hes just going to use that against me anywayyyy honey u arent as smart as u think u are, and when the time is right, you're getting crucified ADAM CAME TO ME TO BE LIKE "FUCK JAKEY WON IMMUNITY" and im like "ik :( " and he runs to jakey and goes "THE RATS ARE MAD U WON" mark my words if im leaving this game i will blow him tf up on the way out

these people are all rats ALLIANCE: Threats R Us members: jakey ali autumn Source: jakey ALLIANCE: (name unknown) Members: Autumn Duncan TJ Jordan Source: Autumn so autumn ratted on an alliance to me and not the other, which lets me know that she is far more invested in Ali that she is in Duncan. Working with Duncan is not going to save face with autumn, i have to treat her as a separate entity and work with her genuinely if i want safety from ali, like she sold duncan tj and jordan down a river to me so fast i love her so much, i want to work with her but i have to see how far it goes people i want out : adam tj liam ali jordan but rn ill settle for anyone but me cuz no one is talking to me

devon wanted to talk real quick and tellin me that there was a whole ass plan started by adam to get me out, like say the vote is kendall but actually vote for me, and the plan was entertained by brawn, also i told jakey i have the idol, and jakey told me ali has 2 idols a vote reveal and an idol block

[sehoglows-blog]

its not all shits and giggles (chp. one)

yg vs sm groupchat

milkbunsehuu: baek

chanchan: he’s not here rn, at work, but whats up boo?

milkbunsehuu: idk not much. like, jongin got me hard again.

chanchan: why is our name still called yg vs sm

chanchan changed the group name to sekai initiation

milkbunsehuu: yeol. yeol. yeol. stop calling him kai.

baekiepoo: im of work sluts. yeol get ur ass over here take me home.

milkbunsehuu: why is the bottom saying this and *off

chanchan: ur a bottom too sehunnie

baekiepoo: how do u know i dont switch

chanchan: LMAO NO

milkbunsehuu: right because, “y-yeol, fuck pleasepleaase let me come oh shit. oh fuckk” is SUCH a switch

baekiepoo: oh shiete

you heard tht?

milkbunsehuu: yeah bb, i fell asleep and when i woke up i needed to take a piss so i walked 2 the bathroom n heard that shit

chanchan: fuck

baekiepoo: you should’ve joined つ´Д`)つ

milkbunsehuu: uhm no. ew ion wanna see that mess

chanchan: we all know you like being wrecked bby

baekiepoo: wait

can i add someone?

he doesnt have many friends and he goes to our school!! please??

milkbunsehuu: who?

chanchan: sure

milkbunsehuu: i am so sure you saw me ask who

baekiepoo: yay!!!! its a guy named jongdae. he’s v nice and from China!!!

baekie added jongbae to the groupchat sekai initiation

jongbae: uh hi~

milkbunsehuu: hii

chanchan: dont be shy.

im chanyeol.

call me yeol.

thats sehun he has relationship problems with Jongin.

jongbae: i already know u guys. baek told me about you.

chanchan: do u know about sehun’s daily masturbation sessions infront of his roomie.

milkbunsehuu: HE’S ASLEEP ITS NOT REALLY IN FRONT OF HIM U DICK

jongbae: dont u think he heard?? i mean…

milkbunsehuu: that might be why

he hates me so much

fuck

baekiepoo: dumbass!!! dumbassss! u gotta apologize.

jongbae: what’s ur roommates name?

milkbunsehuu: yixing.

jongbae: omg!! ik hiM!! he’s so chill.

milkbunsehuu: he HATES me. like seriously. (T⌓T)

chanchan: not the emojis. pls no.

baekiepoo: u’d better get used to it.

jongbae: lemme talk 2 him.

_☙_

jongbae: yixing!! yixing!!

dinoxing: whats up?

jongbae: ik your roommate!!

dinoxing: oh ew. ew. ew. how??

jongbae: im in a chat with him!! he’s super nice.

dinoxing: oh? he keeps jacking his cock in front of me so like

jongbae: nooo!! NOO! WAIT FUCKING HELL WAIT HIM EXPLAIN!

_☙_

sekai initiation

jongbae: he knows

baekipoo: you’ve been found out kid! go run. get a room transferrr.

chanchan: add him!!! HURRY JONGDAE.

milkbunsehuu: NO YOU LITTLE SHIT DONT U DARE

jongbae added dinoxing to the chat

dinoxing: Sehun.

milkbunsehuu: IM SORRY.

dinoxing is typing...

chanchan: ur done for. me andw im gonna go pick up baekhyun.

baekhyun: u mean u havent been coming voer?

jongbae: voer

dinoxing: Okay so like, I know you have this huge ass crush on Jongin and shit and you know that he’s my friend and all, but you can’t keep on masturbating in front of me like that. Usually I wouldn’t have a problem with it but holy fuck you’re such a bottom that it’s a tiny bit of a turn-on and I don’t wanna get hard. So, can you go into our bathroom and beat off? That’s helpful. Oh, and, I haven’t told Jongin so ur lucky. (´・ω・｀)

jongbae: too much words~

dinoxing: not even that many

milkbunsehuu: uh thanks?? ill go to the bathroom to beat off?? just dont hate me.

dinoxing: why did you think i hated you?

milkbunsehuu: because you give me death stares and scowling and i hear u whispering about me.

to ur friends.

on the phone.

five times.

how many friends do u fucking have?

dinoxing: well there’s minseokie, there’s junmyeon, satansoo, and jongin, i didnt tell him tho.

milkbunsehuu: shit. whyyyyy??????

dinoxing: uhm. go fucking masturbate idk.

jongbae sent a gif <img src="http://i.imgur.com/lOwiVsp.gif"/>

dinoxing: u meme.

milkbunsehuu: why did u???

dinoxing: im adding them.

milkbunsehuu: dont bitch.

dinoxing: fineee. l8ter

milkbunsehuu: no never

im going home. keep the door open.

chanchan: are u saying u were texting during class? bad sehunnie.

milkbunsehuu: are you saying u were texting n driving??

chanchan: stfu im dRIVING SJDALGSJ FUCGHK

dinoxing: if he's dead i want his room

baekiepoo: so u fuck good i presume?

dinoxing: yes why i have a bf u homewrecker

baekiepoo: chanyeol + death + new roommate = me needing a new boyfriend to fuck

oh wait he's here ur lucky

(≧∇≦)/

_☙_

 Sehun walked into his dorm room with a sigh to see Yixing sitting on the couch watching a new episode of  some drama on TV. He didn’t really know what to say to Yixing because of the weird series of texts they just had, but he was at least glad class was over. He set down his books onto their kitchen counter and went into the fridge to look for something to snack on, like an apple, because he had dance class in an hour and he didn't want anything to really take over too much time. He settled on a small cheese dish and platter from Publix and as he was walking out, Yixing was staring at him, amused.

 “Sehun-ah. Come here.” Sehun stared at the black haired boy before walking over to him warily. "Bitch, walk quicker, I don't bite." Sehun wanted to retort but instead he walked over to the couch Yixing was sitting on, Yixing motioned for the boy to sit on his lap and Sehun hesitated. "Are you serious?" Yixing reached for his hand and latched onto to it, he pulled him down onto his lap and held him there. "Now kid, let's talk. Why do you like Jongin so much?" Sehun though for a moment, chuckling awkwardly as he messed around with his jacket string.

 "Well, for one, he's a spectacular dancer and, uhm, well he's really hot. Have you seen the kid? Jesus Christ he's so cute. And I may have saw him naked, he has a big dick, but that's not the whole important part, there's also the fact that he's actually really nice to me. T-the few times we talked, he was nice.”

 Yixing nodded his head, "So...you saw his dick?"

 Sehun stuttered and turned to look at him, "N-no, it's not like that. I mean, I walked in on him after dance practice because I needed my deodorant and I left it in there, and I'm really clumsy and stuff and I fell and when I looked up i could see inside the stall and I saw his...cock." Yixing nodded and checked his watch.

 "I have an idea, so you can like, talk to him better. I know you don't really talk because he always calls you, 'that weird kid in my dance class.'" Sehun's face fell, is that really how he felt about him? That one weird kid, okay that's great. Amazing, actually.

Sehun was hurt, he wouldn't admit it but Jongin's validation is really all that he cares about.

 "What's your idea?" Sehun asked, begging to Yixing to help him even after he obviously bugged him with his "sessions" but he wasn't really begging Yixing himself. He just wanted Kai.

 "If you want to know all you gotta do is add my friends to the groupchat, minus Jongin." Sehun bit his lip, he didn't know his friends, but it really couldn't be that much harm, now could it?

 "Fine then, now what's your idea?" Yixing showed him his watch.

 "Get to dance practice, you might miss Jongin." He smirked as Sehun struggled to get off of his lap.

"I'll be back later!" And he ran out the door. Yixing laid back against the couch and sighed, he turned over and looked at the television sullenly before getting up to grab a snack.

_☙_

“Alright class, today we will be looking at our dances from last week and reviewing them! Now, you remember than you were separated into groups for your duo, so you won’t be reviewing your own dance, and it’s a group project!” The class broke out into whispers as the students contemplated the what group they wanted to be in, “Students! I’ll be choosing your groups.” The class groaned as their teacher reached into her bag, pulling out a sheet of paper with names on it.

 Sehun didn’t really pay attention until the teacher called Jongin’s name, and then his name followed, which made Sehun make a tiny whimper sound, Jongin scooted over to him and the teacher gave him a disk with what Sehun guessed was someone’s dance.

 “Also, students, you will be doing a whole project on this! So, yes, I want poster boards and a nice report on the dance itself, and techniques that could have been used to make it better! Now go discuss.”

 Sehun turned to look at Jongin, he was quickly tapping away on his phone before shutting it off and looking at Sehun. “Alright. Let’s get this over with.

_☙_

sekai initiation

dinoxing: can i add my friends now?

baekiepoo: did sehun say u could, i added yeol and he got upset

dinoxing: yeah dw. we talked about it.

chanchan: so u tried to get w/ my bby???? @dinoxing

dinoxing: no

chanchan: sure u did. i can scroll up…

baekiepoo: ur an idiot yeol did u even READ it

chanchan: … nvm im an idiot

dinoxing: ik

dinoxing added marshmallow™, mom, satansoo to the groupchat sekai initiation

marshmallow™: oh new people hihihihihi

satansoo: who the fuck

mom: sekai?? what’s a sekai??

dinoxing: sehun’s groupchat, idk where he is right now.

marshmallow™: the masturbating roommate? the one who masturbates to jongin?? who’s kai???

baekiepoo: oh thats my fault, see, i didnt know his name because sehun wouldnt tell us so i called him Kai. after that singer idk.

chanchan: ^^^

marshmallow™: and who are you people?

baekiepoo: bitch we could say the same to u whores we’re the originals. jongdae added yixing and thne BADBVAFM BAM!

milkbunsehuu: im gonna die

satansoo: not important right now masturbater

mom: soo dont be mean

okay hii! im junmyeon. im now ur mom.

satansoo: im kyungsoo. i hate you~

dinoxing: omg he used a ~

satansoo: i wanted to rhyme

dinoxing: bs ur cute admit it

mom: yixing dont harass him babe

chanchan: mooore couples!!

mom: yeah me and yixing are an item

baekiepoo: WAIT

JUNMYEON??

UR IN ME AND JONGDAE’S FUCKING MUSIC THEORY CLASS

jongbae: gasp shocker!

mom: oh yeah i dont talk much

marshmallow™: unless he’s drunk or lecturing. like at last weeks party

dinoxing: y weren’t u guys at jongin’s party?? he has one like every fucking week

baekiepoo: we’re unpopular we dont get invited

chanchan: ^^^

milkbunsehuu: ^^^

jongbae: yeah pretty much

satansoo: pathetic

milkbunsehuu: says the fucking egghead

satansoo: HOW DO YOU KNOW THAT

milkbunsehuu: U’VE BEEN IN MY DORM

marshmallow™: i want intros from “the originals”

baekiepoo: im baekhyun im amazing i have a tight ass (not as nice as sehun’s tho) nice af legs and fabulous hair?? my bf’s yeol and he’s the best.

chanchan: im tall

im also a fucking yoda

i rap

milkbunsehuu: uhm

marshmalow™: we already know u yixing was telling us about u

dinoxing: sozzz

jongbae: hii im jongdae and i like candy!!!

santansoo: i like this one 4 minseok

marshmallow™: o ya im minseok and i like jongdae already!

milkbunsehuu: i got jongin’s number.

________

link to rest of story: click here

[roman-reigns-princess]

Cat & Mouse (Roman Reigns): Chapter 3

Chapter 1 Chapter 2 Chapter 4 Chapter 5 Read it on Wattpad Writing Masterlist

Warnings: idk, none really? Asshole!Roman(i guess?), p much smut free im sorry ): there’s one bit that gets a lil gay w/ Lyra and Naomi, that’s all I can think of tbh. I swear tho, next chapter we will get Roman/Lyra smut. RN they’s just gettin ready to go clubbing

Word Count: 1960

A/N: We finally get the Bloodline together, bless, but also i feel like i royally fucked their characters up so like please dont judge me too hard (but if you got any pointers or like corrections feel free to let me know).

Tag List (if anyone wants to be added, let me know): @m-a-t-91 @mrsamberlopezgoodanoai@simulated-heat @greatbreadwizard @hoodgirl163 @sabrina-the-champ @thiickreigns @alexahood21@ii-love-roman-reigns @queenreignsempire @flawlessglamazon @not-that-kinda-gurl08 @x-fivefoot  @finnbalorsdemonqueen @romanempirefics @rocketgirl2410 @sausagefest1996 @vebner37@macfizzle @cute-face-chubby-waist @wwefoever70 @horcruxhunter5972 @cool-snowball-22-blog​ @designrwriterchic @metaldeedsblobfish @inkedirishbbydoll-blog-blog (I got a nasty feelin that I didn’t @ someone, im sorry yall)

As she lay in her bed, she scrolled through her phone one last time to check what had interrupted them, only to find that it was a spam email. Muttering to herself in annoyance, she silenced her phone and set it down on the nightstand before pulling the covers up around her. If there was such a thing as angry sleep, that’s what she was going to be doing that night.

It was well past noon when Lyra finally stirred from her slumber; Roman had let her sleep in. Yawning, and stretching, she slowly got out of bed and made her way to the bathroom to brush her teeth and wash up.

She groaned to herself when she saw the little bruises that trailed across her neck, courtesy of Roman. Good thing the weather’s kinda chilly today, she thought to herself, there’s no way I can cover that up with makeup, I’ll have to use a scarf.

She took her time getting ready, pulling on a pair of black jeans and a white shirt that had a quote from Game of Thrones on it; that show was one of the many things Lyra and Roman bonded over, and the shirt was a Christmas gift from him.

She sent Naomi a text, asking her if she wanted to get lunch before heading over to the venue. While waiting for a reply, Lyra put on a little green eyeshadow, eyeliner, and some dark pink lipstick. She was wrapping a dark green scarf around her throat when Naomi finally replied.

Naomi: I’m down for some pizza, the boys will be coming along though. You mad enough to skip out on pizza or nah?

Lyra: I’ll be damned if I let HIM stop me from getting pizza 🙄

Naomi: That’s the spirit 😂 I’ll meet you in the lobby in 15? Bring your bags, might as well check out now

Lyra: 😂 Yeah sounds good, I’ll see you downstairs

Slipping her phone into her back pocket, she packed away all the things she’d used. Roman had already taken his stuff down, she assumed, earlier in the day. She pulled on her boots and did one last sweep of the room to make sure that neither her nor Roman left anything behind.

Lugging her bags along, she made her way down to the lobby to check out. She’d just finished up with the receptionist when Naomi and Jimmy walked in through the entrance. Lyra walked over, giving them both a hug before they started walking to the parking lot.

“G'morning, sleeping beauty,” Jimmy teased, earning a dirty look from her, and a jab in his ribs from Naomi. “Ow, baby, what was that for?”

“Leave my girl alone, you didn’t even get up today until I started-,” Lyra was chuckling as Jimmy stopped Naomi with a hand over her mouth. Naomi knocked his hand away, glaring up her mate.

“Baaabe, c'mon, don’t do me like that,” he grumbled as they arrived at the car.

“You’ll be lucky if I do you at all, tonight,” she joked, getting into the backseat; Lyra tried not to laugh when Jimmy gave his mate a slightly panicked look. Lyra shoved her bags into the back then joined her friend in the backseat as Jimmy started the car.

“Aren’t we waiting for Jey and Roman?” She questioned.

“Nah they’re already there, probably eating half the pizzas,” Jimmy replied as drove them out of the lot. ————————- They walked into the restaurant ten minutes later to find Roman and Jey sitting at a table, digging into a pizza each.

“Told ya they’d be gettin a head start on the pizzas,” Jimmy grumbled as he sat next to Roman, swiping a slice from his pizza, making the older Alpha growl. Jimmy simply rolled his eyes in response, and told his cousin to shove it.

Lyra decided to pretend that nothing happened the night before as she sat next to Jey, Naomi squeezing a chair in next to her. Roman eyed her for a moment, she could’ve sworn a slight smirk flashed across his face when his gaze landed on the scarf around her neck.

It took every ounce of her will power to not glare at him, she was still a little pissy about being sent to bed like a child.

“Chill out, we got more coming,” Jey informed them as he picked up another slice. He turned to Lyra with a little frown as she scooted closer to him to give Naomi more space; she gave him a weird look when he leaned in and took a deep breath.

“Can I help you, Jey?” She asked as he straightened up, his eyes flitting back and forth between her and Roman before a smug smile stretched across his face.

“So, y'all finally fucked, huh?” He stated, Roman promptly choked on his drink while Lyra felt her blood rush to her face as she gave Jey’s arm a punch. “C'mon, his scent’s all over you.”

“That’s not, w-we didn’t,” she scrambled to try and come up with something as Naomi and Jimmy stared at her with raised eyebrows. Roman was still coughing and wheezing in his corner.

“Then how’d you explain them hickies,”  Jey shot back, pulling her scarf down to reveal the bite shaped bruises that trailed down into her shirt. Lyra smacked his hand away and hurriedly readjusted her scarf while Naomi gave her an indignant look as if to say why the fuck didn’t you tell me.

“I-we-yknow what, Roman, why don’t you explain, you did this after all,” Lyra huffed, turning the attention across the table to the large Samoan still trying to catch his breath.

“Um, we was just fuckin around last night, nothing happened, it was nothing,” he replied, Lyra fixed him with a piercing glare, but he refused to look at her.

“Damn, is it just me or did it get colder in here,” Jey mumbled as everyone turned back to the food.

Lyra knew she shouldn’t care, it’s not like they were dating or anything, but she couldn’t help clenching her fist under the table as Naomi gave her knee a comforting pat. ———————- Days later, Lyra was still salty. She had successfully managed to ignore him for the past few days despite traveling with him and his family. Occasionally she’d catch him staring at her with a weird look on his face, but she pretended not to notice.

It irked her even more that he never actually tried to talk to her, and she certainly wasn’t going to confront him about him basically saying that their connection, relationship, whatever it was between them, meant nothing to him.

She figured that if he had cared enough he would’ve either apologized or at least tried to make up some bullshit excuse for what he’d said. Instead he seemed mostly content with being ignored, and ignoring her.

She knew she had to move on, why should she sacrifice her happiness and wait around for some idiot who wouldn’t even give her a chance. Besides, she had the perfect opportunity coming up.

They’d arrived in Pittsburgh earlier that day, the Royal Rumble was taking place the next day. Naturally, that meant that everyone would be going out that night.

Lyra knew it’d be the best time to find someone to keep her occupied or at least numb herself with alcohol; either way, she was determined to forget about Roman for a few hours and have a good time.

That, however, was easier said than done. Not only would Roman be accompanying her, Naomi, and the Usos for drinks, but when Lyra stepped out of the shower she began to feel feverish, her senses heightened even more than usual, to the point where she was hyper aware of anything touching her.

She grumbled to herself about it as she pulled on some black panties and a matching bra. Digging through her bag she chose to wear a pair of black jean shorts, and a tank top that had a pentagram design on it.

After she was dressed she downed two Advils, then walked over to join Naomi in front of the mirror to do her makeup. She decided to do brown smokey eyes, winged eyeliner, and finished it off with a bright red lipstick.

“Damn girl, you look real good,” Naomi said, running her eyes over her friend’s reflection as she applied some mascara.

“You look pretty irresistible yourself; planning on getting laid tonight?” Lyra replied with a suggestive smirk; Naomi was dressed in a tight red dress that showed off her gorgeous body, there was no way Jimmy was resisting that.

“You know it babe, not that I don’t love rooming with you, but it’s been two days since Jimmy and I did anything  and it’s got us all wound up,” she laughed. “But, damn, the way you look and smell tonight, I’m willing to bet you ain’t going to bed alone. What perfume are you using?”

“I’m not using any perfume, not yet anyways,” she replied, looking a little puzzled. “I’m feeling a little feverish, it could be that?”

“No, no, I’ve never smelled anything like it before, you smell really good,” Naomi mumbled, stepping closer to bury her face in Lyra’s hair and take a big sniff; Lyra blushed and shivered a little as that simple movement made her squeeze her thighs together. “I-oh no, oh girl, um you might not wanna go out tonight.”

“W-what, why?” She nearly whimpered as Naomi pulled away; what the hell is going on with me, she thought to herself.

“Um, I, uh, I think you’re going through your heat, or it’s just starting, I don’t know,” replied Naomi, Lydia’s blush deepened as her eyes grew wide. “But like it probably ain’t a good idea to be around a bunch of hotheaded Alphas and Betas.”

“B-but I thought heats were an omega thing, I’m not even a werewolf,” she protested, wrapping her arms around herself defensively, of course something like this would happen to her.

“I mean I’ve heard of shifters getting their heats too, I think it’s the only time they, you, can give off a mating scent or something; it usually starts in your teens or not at all though, didn’t your parents tell you about this stuff?” Naomi questioned, frowning at the younger girl who looked beyond flustered.

“No, my dad’s human, and my mum doesn’t really talk that kinda stuff with me, hell, she probably thought I wouldn’t even get my heat because I’m only half-shifter,” Lyra said, groaning internally as her friend gave her a sympathetic look; she knew she should stay in, but she also really wanted to get drunk off her ass at that moment. “Yknow what, fuck it, Ima still go, all this does is makes me wanna get even more drunk.”

“Bitch, NO, I can’t let you do that,” Naomi insisted, crossing her arms when Lyra pouted and tried giving her puppy dog eyes. “Don’t do that, I can’t, with a clear conscience, let you go.”

“Buuuuuuut I’ll be with you guys, besides what’s stopping me from going out on my own? I’ll be much safer with you there to keep an eye on me,” Lyra begged. Naomi groaned and rolled her eyes.

“Fine, fine, I guess that’s some good points,” she sighed exasperatedly as Lyra gave her a big smile. “But you’re going to wear one of my jackets, hopefully that’ll mask you scent a little.”

“Yes, mom,” Lyra replied, walking over to Naomi’s bags as the older girl rolled her eyes, and turned back to the mirror to finish up her makeup. Lyra went through her stuff until she found a black leather jacket that she had been meaning to borrow.

Once they were done, they grabbed their phones, and hid their credit cards, IDs, and keycards in their bras before pulling on some shoes. Naomi wore a pair of tall, black pumps that made her ass look even better than Lyra thought possible, and Lyra wore a pair of black high heeled, thigh high boots.

Finally around 9pm, they headed out of the hotel to meet the men in a club a couple blocks away.

[some-good-meme]

Get To Know Me

Tagged by @elliox , thanks man this looks fun haha

Rules: Answer these 92 statements and tag however many people you want

(I would put it in the read more but idk how sorry)

THE LAST: 1. Drink: a coke i think 2. Phone call: rescheduling a doctor appointment ha 3. Text message: @elliox talking about buying shorts 4. Song you listened to: stuck in the sound, lets go probly 5. Time you cried: when i found my kitty dead.. well i guess i might have teared up a bit when a close friend left for the summer too,,,

HAVE YOU: 6. Dated someone twice: haha man i cant even get someone once 7. Kissed someone and regretted it: nah 8. Been cheated on: guess not 9. Lost someone special: hasn’t everyone at some point 10. Been depressed: oohhhhh yeah

11. Gotten drunk and thrown up: ooohhh buddy yes

LIST 3 FAVORITE COLORS: 12-14: silver, black, that cool green

IN THE LAST YEAR HAVE YOU: 15. Made new friends: yeah! and i love em! 16. Fallen out of love: dont think so 17. Laughed until you cried: haha yea good times 18. Found out someone was talking about you: i mean yea but i don’t care, keep it comin 19. Met someone who changed you: honestly that happens everytime i get close to someone and i hate it but yes 20. Found out who your friends are: yeeeah sure did 21. Kissed someone on your Facebook list: i guess that could count

GENERAL: 22. How many of your Facebook friends do you know in real life: i think almost all??? maybe a couple no 23. Do you have any pets: 1 dog, 6 chickens, and i guess 2 kinda 3 cats now 24. Do you want to change your name: i mean i love my name,, but ive loved the name Alex ever since i could remember so idk 25. What did you do for your last Birthday: A hotel, and a heartwarming chat with a friend in the bathtub till like 4 am haha 26. What time did you wake up: i slept in till like 12 today it was good 27. What were you doing at midnight last night: drawin p 28. Name something you can’t wait for: a new start tbh, like the place i was at was good but i cant wait to be completely independent and to move on from some things

29. When was the last time you saw your mom: about a week ago 30. What is one thing you wish you could change in your life: i think ive grown from all the bad stuff so idk, but if i had to choose one id say all the times ive just gone with the flow and it blows up in my face 31. What are you listening to right now: nothing rn cause ive been listening to the same stuff all day haha  32. Have you ever talked to a person named Tom: mmm dont think so 33. Something that is getting on your nerves: me not being able to tell people how i actually feel !!! 34. Most visited Website: youtube probably cause music hah

LOST QUESTIONS. I JUST PUT IN RANDOM INFO ABOUT ME 35. Mole/s: yeahh, theres moles here 36. Mark/s: couple scars i got for really dumb reasons like burning myself while making cookies or falling off a treadmill hahah 37. Childhood dream: always wanted to be a mermaid , still love mermaids hah 38. Haircolor: brown rn, a little bit of bleached ends 39. Long or short hair: he short  40. Do you have a crush on someone: yea i guess a little one

41. What do you like about yourself: mmmm being able to make friends  42. Piercings: 5 on my ears and one nose ring 43. Bloodtype: ha i really should know this buuut

44. Nickname: smelly haha, oh and asshole alice i think is one 45. Relationship status: there was potential but she lives in Washington (im in Minnesota) 46. Zodiac: aquarius  47. Pronouns: really any i dont care, but i mostly use she/they 48. Favorite TV Show: x files is always good

49. Tattoos: im thinking of getting the solar system around my arm

50. Right or left hand: right 51. Surgery: dose a root canal count ? 52. Hair dyed a different color: used to be orange 53. Sport: used to be in gymnastics 55. Vacation: love Mexico 56. Pair of trainers: uhhhhh nope

MORE GENERAL: 57. Eating: nothing rn 58. Drinking: kinda want some water 59. I’m about to: go downstairs to get some water probly 61. Waiting for: idk to get tired so i can finally sleep i guess 62. Want: $$$! and cats! oh and friends(just in general)!!! 63. Get married: eh,,, if it happens its cool if it doesn’t oh well 64. Career: gonna try to be an animator, if that fails i guess ill run away and live in an abandoned water tower or something

WHICH IS BETTER 65. Hugs or kisses: probly hugs 66. Lips or eyes: i guess eyes,,, but when those lips are good thats 👌👌👌 67. Shorter or taller: no preference i guess 68. Older or younger: also no preference  70. Nice arms or nice stomach: abs are niceeee 71. Sensitive or loud: some of both ? 72. Hook up or relationship: relationship probably 73. Troublemaker or hesitant: troublemaker cause i think im the hesitant one at times

HAVE YOU EVER: 74. Kissed a Stranger: nope 75. Drank hard liquor: yup

76. Lost glasses/contact lenses: many times with the contacts, good thing theyr the daily ones 77. Turned someone down: a real long time ago but

78. Sex on the first date: not into that sorry 79. Broken someone’s heart: sure hope not 80. Had your heart broken: yeah, but its all good now 81. Been arrested: no but i keep having dreams of it and when i wake up i get it confused with reality haha 82. Cried when someone died: of corse 83. Fallen for a friend: ehh i dont think i knew what it was at the time but kindof ??? real lowkey tho real lowkey

DO YOU BELIEVE IN: 84. Yourself: not too much lately haha 85. Miracles: i guess 86. Love at first sight: didnt for the longest time but then it happend to me soo 87. Santa Claus: haha no sorry 88. Kiss on the first date: that just seems kinda weird idk

OTHER: 90. Current best friend name: ive got a lot of friends and i dont like ranking them but some are @elliox, @nart-snart, @deez-lockz, @alieyawn, @echeveriia, @the-fourth-musketeer, @lcxiegrey, and @hackin-cactus 91. Eyecolor: hazel 92. Favorite movie: too hard to choose,, i usually just choose a miyazaki movie off the top of my head when i get asked this

I tag: hah well so many have already been tagged,,, but everyone i atted will be tagged i guess @

(if u dont wanna do it thats fine too!)

[reds-revenge]

im feeling evil so ALL THE LOCATION ASKS

>:( probably Josie anon, do you know how many times I gotta switch pages now? I’m kidding you’re cool mobile just sucks.

*deep breath* here we go

Amsterdam: yeah, I think so. I’ve always been the weird one, usually in a nice way but I’m still the weird one. I kinda sound like a robot when I’m tired, or trying to accomplish something, and I guess that’s not how all people think?? Anyway.

Athens: ahaha I’m not a perfectionist, I’m the PLATONIC IDEAL OF A PERFECTIONIST. Listen okay I will sink as much time as I need to get it perfect, that’s happening less with the depression bc I just can’t get it up to my standard, I’m trying to make this a Growing Opportunity and learn to set Attainable Goals, but it usually ends with me panicking instead. Ah well

Belgrade: my mother had a loooong list of names and my dad tried to mock them all, they only kept ones that you couldn’t really make weird nicknames for, one of my friends took that as a challenge and called me Kira the Mirra (like mirror) for a year, it was interesting

mom called my kiramodo dragon bc of some noise I made when I was a baby. I thought my name was baby for a while bc they called me Baby Kira my Deara. Then I decided I wasn’t a baby and dubbed myself Kira my Deara the Kid.

Berlin: well for that I’d have to KNOW what I what. I can usually do whatever, but I would really like is absolute certainty about things like do I exist, am I hurting people by existing, etc. and that’s just not something we get in this life. It’s :) so :) fun :) :) :)

Bratislava: it doesn’t have a firm genre, there’s a lot of oddly philosophical themes for something that’s mostly sci fi/ comedy, but there’s also bildungsroman elements bc life amiright, and what’s science besides a mystery?

The protagonist is Done™ with everyone including herself, there’s cephalopods.

Brussels: I’m not fluent in all the languages I borrow from but yeah I do this a lot, I’m a language nerd. I did it more often when I was younger and still liked learning Latin.

Bucharest: NOT ON PURPOSE OKAY, WE’D KNOWN EACH OTHER SINCE WE WERE FIVE SO ALMOST TEN YEARS AT THE TIME, I THOUGHT OF HIM AS MY BROTHER, WHY THE FUCK IS HE WRITING EMO STORIES ABOUT KISSING ME WE WERE S I B L I N G S.

I don’t think of him as family anymore but not bc of the ~*drama*~, I learned some Things and grew Wise. (Well, wisER)

Budapest: maybe, I was five, my love was unrequited. We ended up being friends bc in such a small class whatcha gonna do? We didn’t talk about that fiasco for ten years, turns out that whole declaring my love to the class thing was pretty awkward for him. Whoops.

Copenhagen: outside of old, distant relatives, no. I haven’t actually kissed someone romantically before at all, and I don’t have a desire to. I’m not saying I wouldn’t ever someday, I just haven’t sought that kinda thing out.

Dublin: between being a minor and being an obsessive rule follower, that hasn’t happened. I doubt I ever will, losing even the slightest bit of control over myself terrifies me

Helsinki: now this is interesting. I’m guessing this is referring to romantic love, but it doesn’t SAY that.

Look, I wanna be a scientist. Like really really wanna be a scientist, always have, always will. This sounds cliche but I feel like I was made for the sciences, I really do.

but I gotta go with love. Not romantic necessarily, just in general. And this isn’t a “well I’d better choose the Virtuous thing.” Like, I feel made for science, but science doesn’t mean anything if you’re not using it for something. Neither does art for that matter. Idk, but without love–for my family, my friends, for squids, for God–i just don’t see the point of this whole life thing. So yeah, I’m going with love

Kiev: YES AND FRANKLY I’D CHOOSE THE KNIFE EVERY TIME. I’m not gonna tell you EVERYTHING EVER THAT WAS SAID TO ME bc that would take way too long but yes, yes I have even when they weren’t trying to be knife words

Lisbon: I’m honestly not sure, like I like Hamilton’s America but I hate Trump’s, also I’m really drawn to the British isles and honestly France and Polynesia and India and Russia are all cool, so like I don’t feel like I belong but I might not belong anywhere if that makes sense? Idk tbh

Ljubljana: not really, I sound like my mother over the phone and if you look at baby pictures without the hair showing Greta and I get mixed up (not by family by friends) I have kind of distinctive hair, so.

London: Google says this is thinking vs feeling basically so I gotta go sense (thinking)

Luxembourg: I REGRET EVERYTHING and I often regret things deeply, like really stupid things bc of ~*damaging theology*~ but now mostly because ~*Ocd*~ (I think idk I guess maybe knocking that board over really will send me to hell, I’ve been spinning over this for YEARS)

Madrid: ALL THE TALENTS but maybe speaking fluent French, juggling, and playing guitar if you want some specifics

Moscow: No. I mean when else would I do all the thinking? Not during the day when I’m half asleep, surely.

Nicosia: whenever I’m nervous or exhausted which is most of the time now tbh

Oslo: HAhahahahaha this is hilarious. I’d like absolute 100% certainty that everything is 100% okay, always has been, and always will be. I don’t know what okay even is here but I know that 100% certainty does not exist and also everything probably isn’t okay, and EVEN IF I KNEW THIS I would still be nervous for some hellish reason, I don’t think I’ll ever actually have peace of mind :/

Paris: I mean yeah, but not more afraid than I am of most things. I guess I’m more scared I’d mess it up somehow

Podgorica: HELL YEAH. I mean, I’m curious about death and franklyitwouldntbeterribleifigothitbyasnipertomorrow @ the government, but setting that aside I’ve been raised on stories of people dying, dying for good or evil but for what they believe and I was kinda scared when I was little that I’d chicken out and surrender to the fascist government or whatever but I won’t, I’ll just do the thing, follow the rule same as any other. And even if my beliefs are wrong we’re all gonna die anyway, so

Prague: not really, no. I’ve got a good family, a good church for once, I’m heading to running start next year to study what I want, I don’t really have something to be jealous of.

I mean I’d like my brain to work but I’m not *jealous* of people who’s brains do the thing, I’m happy for them I just would like to be like that too

Reykjavik: A TINY FLOATING ISLAND COUNTRY I COULD PARK WHERE I WANTED I MEAN I DOUBT I’M GONNA MOVE PERMANENTLY OUT OF AMERICA BECAUSE THAT SOUNDS HARD AND MY FAMILY’S HERE BUT I DON’T LIKE ABSOLUTE RULES WHERE I DON’T NEED THEM

Riga: I would take as many selfies as I had to to get one I only kinda hate, I would post that one. (Yeah this is specific but I’m waiting for the technicality police over here, I totally would tho I don’t really care)

Rome: yeah but not romantically. I mean this is gonna sound weird I’m sorry but once in a blue moon I get an overwhelming sense of God and His love for me, that sounds cheesy or fake or something but I’m too tired to not be painfully honest rn

Sarajevo: TO INFINITY AND BEYOND. I wouldn’t do whatever they asked me to, I’m not gonna sign my mind over bc they’re human too and not always right and maybe the stakes are high etc, but if they need something I'ma do the thing at any cost of time, resources, sanity, etc. to myself I’ve got no boundaries here

Skopje: I honestly don’t know?? I’ve been called a lot of sweet things by a lot of sweet people and I remember EVERY SINGLE ONE and honestly I don’t think I could choose one, they’re all sweet in different ways, you know?

Sofia: not in a physical way, women are shockingly treated differently from men in Puritainville, but most people were fine with me in general if I didn’t touch certain buttons. Everyone had different buttons but never said what they were until whoops! It was fun :)

Mental health is also a super fun topic in Puritainville if you were wondering, someone told my mom when I first pulled out of school that I didn’t need a doctor, I just needed a book on Grace, because clearly my theology was why I couldn’t talk and slept fifteen hours a day

Also being Anglican was interesting, I tried explaining the whole icon thing and Lent and via media but it fell on deaf ears

I dunno if this is prejudice related or not but some guy called me a Pharisee when I was seven bc I told him off for making it impossible for me to follow the rules, he was trying to make us scared to teach us about God’s grace, you can imagine how well tiny Kira handled that

wow okay well I guess that’s a yes then

Stockholm: UNFORTUNATELY

In middle school everyone wrote stories about their thinly disguised classmates, and then in ninth grade creepy mcbadideas wrote stories about me saving him from his life basically and then him saving me from depression with a kiss, it was weird

and then Mom has used the whole family for story ideas

Tallinn: I can’t recall a rumour I’ve heard about myself, I’m very open. There were certainly rumors about me being ~*liberal*~ but that was actually true so idk.

I’d like to hear some though, I’m so out there already it’s gotta be entertaining

Tirana: no??? I’m honestly not sure what sexy is but everyone else seems to? Mom swears boys look at me–she’s usually telling me how not to die at a bus stop when this comes up– but I don’t notice anything

Valletta: thankfully no, at least not a big one. The worst I’ve injured myself was when I kinda timed a jump over a brick wall wrong and took out a chunk of my shin.

Vienna: I gave this one A LOT OF THOUGHT but I don’t think there’s like one song that totally captures my life, I definitely identify with songs but there’s not one single song in part because I’m still trying to process my life, you know? Fit things into the correct slots. Until I do that–if that’s even possible–i won’t have just one song. Sorry!!

Vilnius: yeah, why not? If it’s not like a permanent thing bc I have issues with permanency then it’d be cool, if only to get another point of reference for how things are done

Warsaw: i AM a depression lol. I thought two years was about as long as major depressive episodes lasted but I guess not, or maybe I was misdiagnosed idk

Zagreb: I’ve certainly given my TRUST to people I shouldn’t have, I’ve given my FRIENDSHIP to people I shouldn’t have, but I don’t think I’ve ever given someone my heart when I shouldn’t have.

Zurich: not at all. It’s a means to an end, you need it for college and food and stuff, but outside of that I really don’t care. I’ve been trying to figure out how we could restructure society without money and keep it fair and not suppress individuality and keep everyone taken care of it’s an interesting thought experimentTHERE I’M DONE I hope you appreciate that that took me a couple HOURS JOSIE I love you but WOW am I glad that’s over

[iesharael-blog]

1/5/19 Happy New Year

ok im gonna be honest... I dont remember the past 5 days other than i’m sick and can barely breath and i mad the mistake of going to the movies with some friends. i wanted to see mary poppins again so me and 4 friends were gonna go, well after we already planned that, one made me really uncomfortable when he was drunk messaging me and not accepting that i did not want a relationship with him. even going so far as to say he hates my ex simply cause he got me first. so im gonna call these friends A B C (as well as D and E to explain backstory) and explain who they are with a little key so i can give the story without being revealing of identities and what not.

Me - [fem] myself. I’ve know them for a little over 20 years and they tend to be a complete child and was treated as the child of friends back in high school and cared for as such. highly susceptible to emotional manipulation especially from people they trust

A - [fem] my best friend since 5th grade who i fondly refer to as my mama bear. my amazing protector of both physical and emotional battle grounds. the very person who’s house i ran to when i needed time away from my parents to figure things out before asking for therapy.

B - [male] twat i met my junior year who i started calling dad at some point and has since become completely unstable. very egotistical and leaves arguments if he isn’t winning constantly playing the victim card.

C - [male] guy who i was randomly introduced to through his younger brother adding him to a discord server i run as an attempt to shut down my ex for daring to call the unholy texts that are The Harry Potter Series “mediocre” (i also have his phone number randomly cause i used to know his twin) and has been friends with B for a while even going so far as to have a running joke of them being in a relationship even tho they are both straight.

D - [fem] B’s ex who i refer to as step mama and who tends to be fairly motherly towards me

E - [male] dude i was friends with in highschool and who was good friends with B

My Ex - [male] still on very good terms and he is very caring towards me. he tries to make sure im doing whats best for me and not letting anyone manipulate or harm me

ok that was bigger than i expected but im sick im not thinking straight so this gonna be a bit weird and long... ok heres the story:

so im all like “hey i wanna see Mary Poppins again!” and B and C are like yeah lets go! with B immediately stating how he had planned to see it with B before they broke up, already putting a slight damper on the thing but we got past it. a day or two after i end up with me and B agreeing (timestamp 9:30) to message on discord between 11-12 as well as set up a server for us and his little sis to play on. (the wait was for him watching doctor who with his family) so i shower and puzzle and finally with no word by 11:42 i message him asking for when he thinks he will be on to which i get the message “I don’t know I’m really drunk it’s gonna be a blast “... and now a transcript of what followed next copied word for word (well privacy edits) time stamps (and spelling errors) included:

ME Last Sunday at 11:44 PM

but i guess mary poppins day discusion will wait for tomorow

me and your sister agreed on doing ftb sky adventers

B Last Sunday at 11:45 PM

Ok

Btw

Hehe

I shouldn’t say it

ME Last Sunday at 11:45 PM

say it

cant say btw then not say it

dick

B Last Sunday at 11:46 PM

Well

Uhm

ME Last Sunday at 11:46 PM

yes?

B  Last Sunday at 11:46 PM

I’m unhappy with [MY EX]

Because I was maybe going to ask you out

I can say this because I’m drunk

ME Last Sunday at 11:47 PM

omg lol (in the this is a funniy situation way, not laughing at you)

thought you were repulesed by me? yeesh [B] keep your story straight

after all i did like you a bit before i met [MY EX], but hes always nice and youre... drunk nice

so eta for server mister cassanova?

B Last Sunday at 11:51 PM

No I want to be nice to you sober too but for some reason I get scared so I hide behind lies

Idk a while

Tonight

ME Last Sunday at 11:51 PM

you dont have to be scared, im just shocking

B Last Sunday at 11:52 PM

Well if we go to Mary poppins

Even with [C], who I’d like to be there

Maybe a mini date?

ME Last Sunday at 11:52 PM

no.

B Last Sunday at 11:52 PM

Aqwww

ME Last Sunday at 11:52 PM

sorry but i cant date again not yet

B Last Sunday at 11:53 PM

I’m gonna be sad

ME Last Sunday at 11:53 PM

i told you why me and [MY EX] broke up

B Last Sunday at 11:53 PM

But when I’m sober I’m going to regret most of this

ME Last Sunday at 11:53 PM

its not good for me to be in a relationship rn

B Last Sunday at 11:53 PM

I know

Well

Actually

ME Last Sunday at 11:54 PM

look if things dont work out with [MY EX] once my brain is on the path to fixed then we will see, until then dont wait up for me

B Last Sunday at 11:54 PM

I think you do need to be with at least someone because when you are depressed and thrown out of it you need someone to relate to and talk and make you feel comforted and loved

Time alone isn’t the answer

ME Last Sunday at 11:55 PM

except i have friends for that hon

B Last Sunday at 11:55 PM

Yeah

You dooo

ME Last Sunday at 11:55 PM

you dont need a relationship relationship

i have a [A]

B Last Sunday at 11:55 PM

Well

Is she helping

Are you loved

ME Last Sunday at 11:55 PM

i talk to her about everything mental

i talk to [IRRELEVANT MALE FRIEND] about physical questions

creepy right? well this kept going with me getting more and more uncomfortable and refusing to accept that i dont want a relationship (a quote from B in reference to my ex: “ He might be your daddy, but I’m your daddy” tf? and yes he bolded) to the point that i was just sticking around so hed put a server up for the pack. then a bit before 2 o’clock i say that im gonna get off at 2 cause that when i had planned to, to which he (im not sure if intentionally) manipulated me into staying on till 3 o’clock because he would tell me about a personal thing i was curious about. finally 3 o’clock comes around, we call and i hear the story and once the server is up he tells me hes gonna go play league with some people (note random online people not irl people he supposedly likes) and will be back in 20 mins. i figure what the hay ill wait. 40 mins later he says hes not getting back on... obviously im furious. (screen shot of convo i sent to someone day of to explain without having to retype - im red)

next day comes and im uncomfortable and C ends up buying minecraft so he can play with me on the server, we get in call with a now sober B when he gets on and i confront him about the messages even sharing screens for proof (i learned its best not to 1v1 argue him cause im easy to manipulate) and he claims to not remember it but whenever C is away during the call he says things that sound slightly suggestive. at this point id like to note that i have a full recording of me scrolling through the messages as an unlisted video on my youtube channel and have sent it to people who with no prior suggestion have described it as “rapey” and warned me against him. my ex in particular warned me that i am very susceptible to an abusive relationship rn due to my mental state and that he seemed very unstable. at this i decided to invite A to go to mary poppins too since she would be a good protector of me should anything happen and to have a more familiar presence there. 

now here is the juicy part. so D was talking to C where C was complaining how clingy B was becoming and how creepy he was being towards me so she quickly messages me on snap warning me that he is a ‘manipulative possessive jerk who will see me as nothing but an object to conquer and get mad when you are unhappy’ after hearing this i rembered B’s story about D cheating on him with E before D and E got together and started to wonder how true that was. me and D had a lovely conversation following that about my singular past relationship and her current one and blah blah blah.

MOVIE DAY: (C canceled the night before so now it is just me B and A going) we get picked up by A and all seems well with everyone being friendly and B seeming kinda cautious. i think hes regretting the convo so i decide to be nice. the movie was great and we decide to hang in the mall after (i made a build a bear). so while we were hanging at one point he scared me when after he provoked me into my light face wacks (cat play pretty much, wouldnt damage the most fragile ice) he grabs my hand to stop me and me thinking “oooo game fun!” i start to dig my nail into his hand to get let go of but instead of him reacting how i expected (letting go so i can escape) he looks at me with the scariest most serious face ive ever seen and (this part still scares me) says “you dont want to go down this path” he finally lets go and i go sit by the hot topic earing displays while A and B look at buttons then when B sits next to me while A waits to pay he basically called my claw abuse. (like what? you grab my hand hard enough that it hurt when i was doing the same playful banter weve done for years and apparently im the abuser cause i do my standard get away strategy of hurting the hand thats holding me? what did you expect me to do? just comply and calmly stand there with my hand held above y head in yours?) after we leave hottopic we are in the car and somehow we get to the topic of the drunk conversation.

so im talking and trying to explain how uncomfortable he made me( and how i was afraid to be alone around him and how i had been scared remembering that he not only knows where i live but where the spare key is!!!!) and i dare use the word “rapey” ... lets see if i can get a definition for yall but first ill say how i use that word - “rapey. an adjective to describe a situation in which one party becomes uncomfortable and afraid to the point that they feel if this continues they could be raped or otherwise hurt/abused in the future” - and now the second definition from urban dictionary:  “Rapey A guy who's creepy, and hugs or kisses inappropriately. He has a rapist lure. You don't think he would do it but definitely gives off that vibe. i.e. creepy hugger at the office.” - now i apparently  made a huge error in daring to use that word to describe the conversation where he would not accept me saying no to a relationship (and at one point asked me my ex’s dick size - which i did not give) and continously stated how using words liek that could end up getting him in jail. A and i look at eachother incredulously and try to argue with him a bit but ultimately decide to just get back to the point and bring it back to how uncomfortable i was and how he needs to change his attitude and appologize but he keeps bringing it back to that word. fianlly im close to tears and mutely hugging my yoshi in the front seat and the whole car goes silent. A offers that i sleep over tonight which i decline knowing im sick and need my bed and we talk a bit about my ex and goign out for ramen with him sometime. once i was home i removed B from discord snap and steam and will remove him next time im on league as well. he was removed from my server and i left any i had in common with him. i am done trying to forgive him.

on a brighter note i got sims 4 cause C bought it for me since i couldn't refund his ticket i prepaid for and im learning how to get better from this stupid dry throat. hopefully ill be better by Tuesday so i can go back to work at the library!

thanks for reading! <3 

i know this was a long one and probably makes half sense cause of the code letters and the fact that i am writing this while very light headed <3