#human connection pls
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Is someone gonna match my freak?
#girlblogging#southern goth aesthetic#americana#religion#religious art#im rotting#rot girl summer#pink aesthetic#pink#ceramics#pinterest#match my freak#match my nasty#human connection pls#coquette#ultraviolence#coquette americana#girl interrupted#lana del rey#lizzy grant#murder drones#girlhood#daddy's good girl#just girly things#religious trauma
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bsd fic authors i understand yalls pain SO well right now why is it so fucking HARD to write dazai. like i have a whole fucking spreadsheet dedicated to tireless analysis i have done on my part so i can accurately characterize him but he is such an unpredictable and morally gray character that it's hard knowing his limits and boundaries and where he draws the line for himself.
#i hate when ppl make him out to be a sadistic villain with no remorse. like did we read the same manga 💀#but at the same time he is NOT crying abt all the ppl he sent to the grave. he sleeps just fine at night knowing he committed atrocities#yes he feels remorse? but he isn't like kunikida to weep at someone's grave for failing to save them#and then we have his emotions themselves#dazai isn't emotionless. far from it. he has difficulty expressing affection but yk he finds someone endearing when he trusts them#trust is very important to dazai and is one of the aspects of human emotion that he can fully grasp#but like everything else is in a hazy gray area that he does not feel like exploring. he feels alienated from his humanity bc of this#AUUUGHH can someone help me with character analysis PLEASE#I WASNT PAYING ATTENTION TO THIS MF UNTIL RECENTLY SO I MISSED OUT ON A LOT OF IMPORTANT DETAILS#see i would go and reread a few light novels but like i don't have time for that#and this is for dazai specifically. i am very well versed on his relationships w other charcaters#but just like asigiri himself said: it's very difficult to write dazai and write him WELL#so yeaaa i have a lot of smart ppl following me pls help#bsd#ALSO MY FRIEND STILL HAS NO LONGER HUMAN UUUUGHHHHHH I NEED THAT BACK BC I TABBED IT A SHIT TON#FOR LIKE CONNECTIONS TO YOZO AND BSD DAZAI AND WHERE ASIGIRI DREW INSPIRATION FROM YOZOS CHARACTER FOR DAZAI#THAT WOULD BE SUCH A VALUABLE FUCKING RESOURCE BC I DID SOME ANNOTATIONS IN THEM TOO BUT MY BOOK IS ANOTHER FUCKING STATE#I HATE IT HERE FML
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pride month is over and nothing gay happened. everyone must die now 😇
#as if i expected somethin ion talk to people ion go anywhere i dont do SHIT#but pls im so deprived of human connection its actually embarrassing at this point i cant even lie LMAO#peck on the cheek? its everywhere.#LIKEREENPJDOJVDOHVODHVOHVD
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do you ever think about music that is hundreds of years old that we still play/sing today. yeah. something something humans have always made art
#it just makes me emotional#this is specifically about Sumer is icumen in which is from the 13th century#and i sang some of it the other day ?????#which is so cool#bc someone hundreds and hundreds of years ago wrote it down and we still play/sing it !!!#yeah. human connection across hundreds and hundreds of years#specifically thinking about british folk music because that’s what i know but this probably applies to loads of different cultures etc etc#if you know music like this pls pls share#i love it so much#ally natters
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have tryed out clip studio paint!!! my thoughts: neat but a bit hard to control. love love how i can sketch on here though. looks and works a lot like paper so mabey this will be how i get more digital sketching done!! ibis paint is still better for super finnished arts i think.
also ideas with chuuya/arahabaki thingies because the ideas of god and man are funky uwu
#my arts<3#fuckkk tagging time#weeeeeeee#arahabaki#bsd chuuya#chuuya nakahara#bsd#chuuya bsd#bsd fanart#bsd art#bungou stray dogs#bungou stray dogs chuuya#bungo stray dogs fanart#the bungos#nakahara chuuya#done! yayyyy#uhh yee hope this all ok? i love how chuuyas character is just. human. but i also have lots of fun thinking of this#also also the tiny guy floating on a rock above chuuya is dazai. its another height joke because i cannot stop myself#fuck okay am in pain gonna go heat up heat pad now- but yee! funky doodles#also if anyone wants my new more done sped kid rants pls pls pls ask must add the bungos to it because.#*looks at giant cork board with pictures and rambles and red yarn connecting the dots* i have a lot#and it just agkkk it works so so gooddddd
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A lot of people say kainess is incredibly one-sided (on ness' part) but I think Kaiser did want to keep him for a while because that was the only thing he wanted — for "something that lasts" and to "love and be loved". The only thing that'd really last is for someone that truly loves you that would keep coming back even if you push them away and/or abuse their affection.
It was because Ness kept coming back and the fact that he went through the same thing as him — not getting any love and affection as a child (guess he related to him?) — that kaiser decided to keep him. but after he realized that restricting himself and being uncomfortable was the key to being the best then he went and let him go — which means Kaiser can't really "love" because that'd mean being comfortable with something > then he goes searching for something to keep and love again which means he's at peak desperate condition > when he finds it he has to let it go because he'd be comfortable > cycle repeats.
#reaper rants ◇#i love rambling about kainess they make me so fucking ill#kainess#michael kaiser#alexis ness#blue lock#bllk#i hate them sm#someone write fluff about them pls im gonna die#i refuse to believe kaiser didnt have even a BIT of connection with ness#like . he didnt completely dump ness#it was a breakup#it was a divorce#shhh#idk im thinking about them too much#ya know all kaiser needs is a realization that he CAN love and CAN be human#if he just fucking tried#this mf#and ness needs to stop obsessing over him#god fucking damnit he needs to have SOME sense of self respect#and yk in the end ... this is happening because of the both of them's fucked up self perception#interesting
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ok ok ok like i thought “the chosen” would suck cause “blah another series about the life and times of jesus” like we GET it it’s been around for CENTURIES you guys make the same damn movie all the time
but it’s actually legit really good? lots of pretty good representation! not everyone in the movie is white. actual portrayals of jewish culture instead of just ignoring that part. disabled people. matthew being autistic. characters that aren’t just two dimensional. the people in it feel like real people. there’s actual jokes, jesus cracks a few and they’re really funny?? so far nothing hateful, no gay or transgender bashing. it calls out the church for being judgemental and hateful in a way that’s very tasteful
it’s not perfect tho. jesus is…still white for some reason? despite mary not being white? and no one else around him being white? no gay people in it which is kind of a bad and a good thing…but it’s a portrayal of jesus and the people around him as human. as real life people who felt things and made jokes and rolled their eyes and stuff. also the guy they cast as jesus is pretty hot as are all the disciples. which isn’t the point or whatever but i can’t say i’m complaining. it’s free online and i think it’s worth a watch!
#it’s an adaptation of jesus that is more realistic#ofc he’s perfect and doesn’t sin but the point was that he was loving and kind and considerate and people all wanted to be around him#he doesn’t hesitate to walk straight into the dangerous or sketchy areas#he genuinely connects with and loves everyone he meets#they take liberties ofc but none of them are bad and add to the series as a whole#also as always i’m still gay and transgender as ever so no trad catholics or whatever touch this pls#but as a christian it makes my heart feel warm#it’s taken so so long to get an adaptation of any kind that depicts jesus as the kind of man who genuinely loves the people around him#not as some deity but as a human being loves other human beings#he is very human in this. it’s something christian’s don’t like to talk about#but if he went around talking like they do to other people#he wouldn’t have been able to last 10 seconds in the areas he was at#he wouldn’t have been welcomed there#it feels more faithful to the actual bible then they ever make him sound in any church service i’ve ever been in#the chosen#seriously check it out! it’s a genuinely good watch#especially if you have an interest in religion in general#i thought i’d hate it but i love it#pls know i’m being genuine abt this#and also the dudes they cast actually could pass as the age the actual apostles and actual jesus were#instead of being like 40-50 lmao#and them being hot is like just an added bonus sorry i have eyes
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но что, если тяга делать зло станет чуть сильней чем я?
это мне не повезло не устоять.
#gif warning#flash warning#tw body horror#tw distorted face#well I tried#I hope you like it!#if you do pls say it#I swear it really matters to me and I would be happy to know if you like it 💕#please I crave human connection#so if you'd like to tell me - tell me#I really feel lonely although it may seem week to crave connection so much#I just feel a bit unworthy#and I know it's probably horrible#but if you like it... you know#that would be so lovely#and yeah#it's more of a vent edit again#body horror for me is the way to express feelings#like distortion#body horror is truly the best thing to do do#ts4 screenshots#ts4#ts4 edit#sims 4 edit#симблер#симблог#simblr#my edits#*olya's edits
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Pleaaase I cant be doing this again
#my sense of self fragments when i undergo a lot of long-term stress#and like it was by far worst when i was 11#id have no connection to time or my feelings or emotions and id change me's constantly and age regress#and it began stablising 1-2 years ago#but i think everything in the last few months has made it way worse#i cant remember what I've done in the last week#its not me#sugar.text#del later#its not as bad when i was 11 nothing compares to waking up and suddenly being human and having to learn everything#but christ id like a modicum of not dissociating pls
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You don’t mind if I spam, do you?? 💀 I just… I read through your posts like the morning paper sometimes, but I don’t wanna get blocked for spam liking through your acct lmaoo
i don’t mind at all!!! i’m happy my posts could resonate w ppl!! i suck at responding sometimes, but i’m here to talk w ppl!!!
#asks#also just so u know idk how to respond to reblog tags#i love reading everyone’s thoughts!! and i love creative and long tags!! sometimes i wanna respond to them but idk how!!#but it’s okay bc i’ve seen what u wrote and that is already connection!! so thank u so much for ur thoughts!!#also just an add-on#i don’t bite in asks or anything and i try to answer each and every one of them so pls don’t feel intimidated or anything#i am but a humble human who yearns for connection
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me: i’m so open because i think the best way to build relationships is by letting people know who you truly are
also me: performing in every social situation and obscuring or outright hiding facets of my personality and interests to make sure everyone likes me all of the time because if people don’t like me then why would i even live
#part of it is simple human nature. we all do these things.#but there’s also the reality of like. i’ve been hurt so many times and it’s made me slower every time to connect deeply with someone else#and god i really feel like i’ll never recover from this last one#to find another person who you feel Gets you so completely and you can truly share every ugly part of you with#and then they cast you aside like trash with no explanation#and part of me mourns it and the other part of me thinks that she should be flayed slowly#and also she should get divorced again#idk#anyways i’m just ranting pls ignore me#going through it. think i just need more sleep
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wanna make idw leolotus just to spite idw bc i hate everything about koya and how they wanna pair leo with her
#you have to make both leo and koya so ooc to make them work as a couple#it’s so stupid#i hate it sm#pumpkin stuff#also leonardo likes gardening and flowers#AND YKNOW WHO HAS A FLOWER MOTIF??#LOTUS!!!!#LIKE ITS RIGHT THERE CMON#not to mention part of lotus’ whole thing is that she wants to fit in and have a clan/family#leonardo has a clan where everyone is welcome#including outcasts. both mutant and human#like omigosh idw leo would be so perfect for a lotus#can someone else pls see the vision#leolotus#and idw leo has a struggle with another personality bc of his foot clan brainwash situation#lotus had been possessed by an ancient spirit#she knows what it’s like to not feel like she’s completely herself#AND! the spirit in lotus was from feudal japan so she always felt out of place in the modern world#she had a connection with an older time#idw leo is a reincarnation and his past life was in feudal japan#like bro#the parallels are there
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Just remembering when one of my friends said everyone (other friends in our group) missed me- since I had been either hanging out with only one friend or walking around at lunch instead of hanging out- and my brain literally shat itself because huh? What do you mean you miss me🧍what do you mean you noticed my absence and were upset by it? Genuinely thought people couldn't give less a shit about if I was around them or not cuz I thought I was an absolute drag to be around💀I still can't comprehend it tbh
#me and my misunderstandings of human connection#i gotta remember people actually give a little bit of a shit about me#did not mean to upset everyone 😭#is it the anxiety?#the neurodivergence?#who knows!#or maybe just astonishingly low self worth#sorry i didnt mean to get serious pls find some humor in this post#i thought it was silly
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In and out of constant crisis... to be expected. Its brutal. SO brutal.
There's a line though, where it is either pain being released and parts processing.. or just retraumatising. And the difference between what makes it one or the other can be so small! And usually to do with if we feel alone or not, connected to S or not, allowed to reach out or not.
Yet we are seeing we survive each time? And it passes. Same with S... we reconnect each time. She doesn't leave.
Today we made a huge leap! An email she sent landed badly. A part wrote a reply, not meanly at all (we never do that and are proud of our ability to communicate these days), but saying how it felt and how upset. But we didn't send... because we knew it wouldn't help. Its how they felt and it was real and valid. But she'd likely feel more defeated and stressed, then we'd feel more disconnected, and the same old cycle. (Also, we figured even IF it was intended how it felt.. we no longer beg for people to understand or care, and that has to be true for her too.) So we didn't send, and instead chose to trust our overall relationship instead of these moments and details.. and just turn up today as unguarded as humanly possible. Which was still hugely guarded lol.
It was SO hard to do. But I am so proud of us. And it went so well. It allowed us both to connect so much quicker and easier and see we are on the same side. We didn't hug her straight away like normal and just hid ourselves not looking at her, but as she started talking and we could hear there weren't bad intentions, we managed to lift a finger up and she reached for it and held our hand. And we were SO proud of us in that moment. It doesn't seem big. But for us it is huge. To be able to reach for connection without going through every detail of what hurt, ask a lot of questions, pick it all through, stay in defense... instead we just listened to how it felt right in that moment. And it allowed us to connect quicker. We made a new choice and it paid off.
She made a comment about us seeming to not want to be there, possibly hating her (kind of jokingly) and we realised that's how it may seem.. like to us it is OBVIOUS we never hate her, always want her. But then to her it is obvious how much she cares etc, and that doesn't mean we always see it. It softened so many protective parts and we looked up and we both smiled and we said of course we don't. It's just all painful. But the pain isn't from her, it's everything before her. And then cuddled in to her. It was so simple in that moment. We are on the same side.
And the whole session was so connecting and simple. Despite the fact we never talked through what happened earlier in the week really.. and despite it being one of the last sessions. It was just simple. The ending of therapy is terrifying but also helping us let go of details and see the big picture. She's SO on our side. We aren't on opposite sides. She's fighting a whole system for us. She's paying for her specialised supervisor she got just for us, even after we arent a client, to help us both through this transition and to help us fight the system as she's a very high up contact. She is thinking everything about this transition through so she doesnt rush things or make mistakes others did. She cares so much. So yeah, she's not perfect, she misses the mark, and she can't be everything we wish she could. But she is a human who wants us in her life and cares deeply and is fighting to get us the right support. We can get lost in all the pain or we can look at how lucky we are to have her.
#s#pls let us remember this#pleaseee can we all stay in this reality more#but honestly! choosing to not pick apart hurts and know that the intentions werent harmful.... so BIG#ofc theres a balance because we cant just let people harm us from good intentions#like k#but looking at the big picture and seeing what really matters#the big picture with k was a lot of harm amongst the love for example#the big picture with s is so much support and care and some mistakes and hurt because we are both human#we could spend the times we have with her pulling apart those mistakes or missings#or we could spend the time feeling connected#like i know its not that simple lol#we never felt we had a choice before#but right now we do!!!!!!#we saw the choice and made it and it was so much better#we need as much comfort and connection and joy as possible right now#and that means maybe just letting some things go#maybe its okay to let mistakes and missings go in safe relationships#maybe shes not going anywhere so if we feel the need to bring something up down the line we can#!!!!#maybe theres no urgency#maybe we can let things go and see how it feels#and if they cant be fully let go we can bring it up at another time#because maybe there is time and space and ????#wild
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my mutuals r so cool and i wanna be friends w each and every single one of them <3
#chan.txt#am slightly drunk and just loving human connection it's super rad#i just have some really neat people in my circles on tumblr and we don't really talk like at all but i really wanna get to know y'all :'')#pls hmu sometime and we can talk about flowers or music or being gay or anything like much much much love :)#maybe delete later
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Most religious people are so fucking patronising istg. Just let me be an atheist in peace, im begging you.
I dont care if you had a ‘revelation’ by God of me in my thirties when I still wasnt born, mum.
#they think they know you better than you do#its so fucking annoying#pls just stop#you dont know a shit about me#I dont care if im ‘too good to be an atheist’#what does that even mean#morality wasnt created by fucking religion#but I’ll tell you what religion was created by#HUMANS#religion revolves around morals which revolve around humans#stop thinking that all good people must believe in god#and that if they say they dont then that means they dont know themselves as much as you do#bc of course#you have a connection with god#obviously#im just too blind to see#MAYBE IM JUST AN ATHEIST#LET ME BE#yes#this post was inspired by#mummy issues#and!#religious trauma#yaay#fuck my family man#and all those arrogant douchebags from church too
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