#hua!writes

[gutouhua]

pairing. zhongli x f. reader

wc. 2.7k+

rating. explicit

tags. sort of canonverse, zhongli has ruts & dragon fangs, reader hails from mondstat, mentions of mates/mating, mentions of eating animal meat, zhongli is a perv for reader, zhongli calls reader ‘pet,’ age gap (reader is early-mid 20s, zhongli is biologically in early 30s), mentions of zhongli’s previous sexual relationships (dubcon), power dynamics, cervixfucking, overstimulation (sort of), zhongli wants to breed reader, pussydrunk zhongli, unprotected sex (pull out method)

a/n. MDNI! see end for notes

Zhongli had imagined it over a million times—taking you across the table and fucking your pussy. He knew you’d smell good down there, had scented it like a pervert in the days before your period—familiar lily mixed with strong musk and a tinge of metal. It made his fangs itch from the need to sink into your soft thighs and tongue at your slick folds.

Zhongli rutted in early spring, when trees blossomed and bore fat fruit—juicy peaches hanging heavy on thin branches. Sometimes he’d walk by them and look at them with an almost forlorn gaze. A deep ache in his body.

He wished that there was someone who would satiate his needs like seeds did to trees or bees with flowers. They mated with each other, year after year in a frenzy—a haze of powdery yellow spilling on every surface of Liyue Harbor. Zhongli didn’t have allergies, but even if he did, he would still love and envy the pollen.

It had been a long time since Zhongli had someone like that to spend his seasons with. A mate.

He’d drink copious amounts of lily bulb tea each spring to keep himself from fucking the first person who said yes to him, and would take himself into his hands with a furious passion every morning and night—even during work breaks—to relieve himself.

And it worked. He successfully passed multiple centuries of ruts like so, although it wasn’t always easy. As Morax, he was volatile—could pass for the Pyro Archon herself, Murata, but he tempered himself over the years, learning to be the composed man he was now.

But then you appeared, and the fire flared. Hutao’s newest intern—the first in nearly a decade, fresh. A slight little creature (although most people were small compared to Zhongli), and eager to learn about funeral services from Liyue’s very best. It was the first time you’d been to Liyue, so far from your home in Mondstat, and everything and everyone interested you.

I wonder if there’s a way to breed two creatures together to create an actual cocogoat. It’d be cool—Qiqi would be able to drink actual cocogoat milk, not that cheap substitute that Baizhu makes for her, and we’d be able to eat the meat. It’d taste good, right?

Zhongli chuckled, eyes soft on you. That would be a sight to behold. He didn’t mention that he’d been alive when cocogoats still roamed the Bishui Plains—a story for another time.

And then came the questions about himself.

Why are you so red, Zhongli-xiangsheng?

His rut came early this year for some reason, but he didn’t pay much attention to it. The lily bulb tea would suffice until he had a moment for himself.

But you had to make it difficult. So difficult for him.

Nothing, he murmured.

You grinned, stepping closer on tiptoes so your eyes leveled his chest. Soft rise and fall—imperceptible unless face to face like you were.

It doesn’t seem like nothing to me, Xiangsheng.

Zhongli fought the urge to inhale your soft scent. Sweet, powdery like lilies and dusk and something tender he wanted to bite—

—And he tasted blood in his mouth to stop his fangs from descending onto your exposed neck, nearly shook from the force it took to not bend you over his desk.

It would leave a mess. And Hutao would add it to his tab.

Even now you tempted him with coy glances, a bare shoulder, and sometimes a lingering touch in the space between his cuff and gloves—sharp like the sting of the formidable Raiden’s electro bolts.

“Do you want to know what I learned today, Xiansheng?” You had taken to calling him that instead of his mortal name one day. Zhongli wasn’t quite sure why, but he liked how it sounded on your lips.

He smoothed an invisible wrinkle from his suit and shuffled the papers on his desk while shifting to hide the stiffness in his pants. “Pray, do tell.”

You leaned forward, settling your weight on the heavy oak table. “I heard you’re rutting right now.”

Zhongli nearly choked on his tea. “What?”

“Rut, heat, season—Hutao told me.” You shrugged as if the topic was something mundane. “She said you rut every spring, but that it’s unusually strong this year for some reason. Something about the aura around you, I think. Why’s that?”

Because of you.

“Not sure,” Zhongli said.

“She also told me about that tea you drink.”

He nearly dropped his cup of tea. Damn the woman. Spilling all my secrets. And there wasn’t a single thing he could do—he was on her payroll.

“What about it?” he asked, trying for confidence.

“Lily bulb tea,” you continued, scrutinizing his cup, “apparently it helps calm you down and dampens the urge to fuck.”

Zhongli’s dick hardened.

“So does it?”

“What?”

“The tea. Does it help with your urges?” You jerked your head at the drink, curious.

Not when you’re around.

Zhongli had imagined it over a million times—taking you across the table and fucking your pussy. He knew you’d smell good down there, had scented it like a pervert in the days before your period—familiar lily mixed with strong musk and a tinge of metal. It made his fangs itch from the need to sink into your soft thighs and tongue at your slick folds.

He wasn’t sure what to say, but finally decided on: “Not really.”

You cocked your head to the side and bit your lips, Zhongli’s eyes following the pink tongue that peeked through. He wanted to bite them too. They’d be soft and break easily with a little bit of teeth—like almond tofu.

“Oh. Then what’re you going to do about it?”

“The usual.” Tea, masturbating, some rough fucking. Archons knew he’d need it tonight—some sort of distraction from you. He’d have to visit Madame Fang for an escort. She was used to his proclivities—would have someone able to take him.

“The usual? And what would that be?” Zhongli could almost picture you with a pen and paper in hand, a student eager for information.

He groaned internally. Now he was imagining you in a short skirt, stockings, maybe thigh highs—the fat of your thighs spilling from the top of the elastic. The image nearly had him spilling in his pants.

“I don’t think you’d want to know the particulars,” he said, his voice a soft rasp. He shifted again. “It might scare an innocent little girl like you.”

“Innocent?” You huffed. “Little? I’m a grown adult xiangsheng! I’m over the legal age—and actually much more than that. You can hardly call me little or innocent.”

“But you are,” he said indulgently, as one would towards a spoiled pet. “I am immortal, have fought and survived the Archon War. Tell me, pet, can you say the same?”

He was playing with you. Of course the two of you knew you couldn’t compare to him.

“But at the very least, you cannot consider me innocent. I’ve experienced enough things,” you muttered, annoyed.

Zhongli arched an eyebrow.

Before you knew it, he grabbed your wrist, pushing you onto the desk in one fluid motion—papers scattering to the floor like spring pollen. Zhongli pinned your hands over your head to keep you in place, and knocked your legs apart to slot his large frame between you.

“W-What’re you doing, Zhongli?”

He smiled. And there it was: his name always slipped out when you got serious.

Xiansheng.

What?

Xiansheng. He moved closer, spreading your legs further apart as he drew closer to you. You could feel your stomach pressing tightly against the cotton of your suit with each breath, your chest straining against buttons. Don’t be so impolite when your boss is trying to school you.

Xiansheng.

Good girl, he rumbled. You were so curious about the specifics of my rut—what I do to satiate my needs. Shall I show you? They say firsthand experience is the best way to learn.

His voice was heavy, hot against your ear, and you nearly jumped out of your skin when he darted a tongue out to lick the delicate shell of your ear.

So sensitive. I wonder if it’s the same in other places. Shall we find out?

Hutao had ordered him to be careful with you—a family friend. Your family owned the most successful funeral parlor in Mondstat, and they sent you to Hutao to learn how she conducted her business in Liyue. Zhongli had agreed. He could keep his hands to himself.

But then you showed up on the steps of Wansheng funeral parlor, and he knew he was fucked.

Do you want it, he whispered, I need to rut, but I always ask for permission.

Jealousy reared its ugly head. He’d done it with others—for decades, maybe even centuries, and it made sense, you couldn’t expect celibacy from him and yet…the thought of other people touching him made you want to rake your hands down his back, gouge, and suck every inch of his skin so others would know he was taken.

That he was yours.

What will it be, pet?

You nodded, eyeing the bulge in his pants. He was big. It was obvious, and it’d probably hurt. A tight fit.

Zhongli smiled—sharp teeth, predatory. I need words.

Yes.

No sooner did you give your permission did he slip your blazer off your shoulders and loosen just enough buttons to push your blouse up and over your head. You wore cotton—a simple white bra, and he wondered if you wore a matching set today.

He didn’t have to wait long to find out: you were already unzipping your pants, sliding stiff fabric down your legs, uncaring if it wrinkled. You’d have to remember to take it to the cleaners.

But later—now, you canted your hips forward, not caring about anything but the man in front of you.

So needy, he murmured, and wet.

His scent intoxicated you, his weight a delicious pressure against your skin.

Zhongli rocked against your clothed pussy, pleased to find you wet. You soaked through the cotton fabric, leaving an imprint in the shape of your pussy on your panties.

Fuck me, xiangsheng, please—I need it.

The scent of your arousal grew stronger with each tap against the wet spot. Heady, mind-numbing, as if a drug was coursing through his bloodstream. The amber of his hands grew darker, a deep, gorgeous fossilized hue, and his pupils thinned—they slitted into a sharp, almost feline countenance, predator to prey.

You would have me? he asked again, stars pulsing in his eyes. In his earlier days, before he was an archon, he had taken people without knowing what it really meant. The shame and guilt of it had made the act feel dirty for a long time—he went nearly fifty years without a single partner to help him through his ruts.

He would not make the same mistake with you.

Just fuck me.

He groaned, pulled your panties to the side—white cotton—and pushed himself into you, the entire length. It was tight and it burned as you struggled, walls stretching to accommodate his dick.

Feels so good, he grunted, you’re so tight, fuck. He lost himself in your tight heat, centuries of manners and poise melting before you.

He moved slowly at first, dragging his length out so that nothing but the tip remained inside before thrusting back in.

You shifted backward, trying to adjust to him. Soft pants, shallow—eyes squeezed shut to focus on each heavy stroke in and out of your cunt. When you started moving against him, seeking friction for yourself, Zhongli sped up. Kept most of his cock inside you with each stroke, prodding around for your sweet spot.

When he finally found it, earning a cry and squeeze around his cock that nearly made him cum, he smiled. Right there, pet?

You gasped, struggled to answer: Yeah, yeah-right there—

He continued to thrust, imprinting your insides with the shape of his dick, hitting that sensitive spot with almost boyish eagerness, but it still wasn’t enough to—

—You reached down to where his dick is splitting you apart and try to rub your clit, the hard nub aching for attention, but Zhongli pushed your hand away.

Allow me.

You almost whine—denial twisting your stomach into a tight knot, leaving your clit wanting, but he didn’t make you wait long. Deft fingers rubbed circles on your clit, grinding, until it swelled enough for him to pinch, hard.

Zhongli, please—

What did I say pet, he hummed and bit your earlobe in admonishment.

Xian-Xiansheng—

You were begging now, pleading—tears dripping from your face like fresh paint on canvas.

Please, xiansheng, please, I need it.

What do you need? He thrust forward, the head almost kissing your cervix.

Need…

Need what? Use your words, pretty pet. Another hard thrust, this time he touched your cervix. Half pain, half pleasure. Lines slowly starting to blur—was it because of his dick or your tears? You couldn’t tell.

You shook your head and fisted your hands in the collar of his suit, wrinkling the fine material as you dragged his face towards you to claim a kiss. Harsh and unyielding, a faint taste of iron between each ragged breath. Now you’d have to take two suits to the cleaners.

Vaguely, in the back of your mind, you’d forgotten how you even got into this situation in the first place. Something about lily bulb tea, alone time…and ruts…heats. Heat—were you the one in heat or was it him?

But it didn’t matter, all you knew was that:

Need to cum.

Zhongli’s pretty lips curled. And so you shall.

With one hand on your hips, he slammed his hips against yours in a punishing rhythm while his other hand battered your clit, thick fingers flicking the hard nub repeatedly until you felt nearly numb from the overstimulation. He felt you tense beneath him, hips rolling incessantly, your cunt gripping him so tightly he knew he was close.

Cum for me, he demanded, almost growling, give it to me.

And you obeyed—gave yourself over to the pleasure, moaning from the waves of pleasure washing over you.

Zhongli groaned as you contracted around him, each tight draw from your pussy taking him closer to his own release. Hips stuttering, he felt his fangs slip through, throbbing from the desire to taste you, bite you, mark you—

—Breed you.

It was messy, each time he pulled back and saw the amount of slick that coated his cock, his mind grew fuzzier, almost stupid. Zhongli couldn’t remember the last time he felt pussydrunk—

You bit the side of his neck as another orgasm ripped out of you, and this time Zhongli let himself go with a harsh growl, pulling out right as he cummed, thick ropes of sticky cum defiling your stomach. It was dizzyingly maddening: his cum moving with each shaky exhale, dripping onto your pussy, and Zhongli thought it was such a waste that it wasn’t inside you, filling you up. Some of it covered your clit—a glistening pearl. He fought every fiber of his being to not bend down and lick it. He didn’t like sweet things, but you were an exception.

“Did you learn a lot?” he finally asked after your breath had steadied a bit.

You were still coming down from your high, barely able to form a coherent sentence. “What?”

“I was teaching you,” he chuckled, voice husky. “Were you a good student? Paying attention?”

You thought about it for a moment. Looked at his disheveled appearance, his golden eyes, the wrinkles in his suit, and found it lacking.

“Not enough.”

“I am in agreement.”

Hutao narrowed her eyes. “You fucked him.”

“And what if I did? It’s not like you’ll fire me,” you replied lightly.

Hutao groaned. “I knew you wanted to fuck him, but I didn’t think you wanted to do it that badly. It’s not exactly good for my business, and you know he’ll stick to you for the rest of his season, right? That’s how it works for him. He doesn’t share.”

“Well good. Because I don’t either.” You wouldn’t have chosen him anyway if he liked to share. “But wait—what do you mean ‘not exactly good for your business?’”

The Wangsheng Director grinned at you. “Look at him: one of the most eligible bachelors in Liyue. Didn’t you notice that we have a large number of young clients? They come to Wangsheng because of him. I don’t care who Zhongli fucks as long as they give me their money—it keeps my beloved Wangsheng as the most profitable funeral parlor in Liyue.”

“Of course you would say that.” You laughed and thought about all the times your parents praised Hutao. “No wonder my parents sent me here to learn from you.”

Hutao winked. “Of course! Making money is the second best thing I’m good at.”

“What’s the first?”

“Death.”

uhhh i wrote this one about six-ish months ago too...been busy with zine work but hopefully when I'm done I can write more reader insert smut :') (also sorta tried a new style of dialogue lmao back when I wrote this)

Murata, also known as the God of War and the Lady of Fire, was a Pyro Archon and a member of The Seven who presided over Natlan.

先生 - xiānsheng. Has two main definitions: the first is teacher, the second is mister (Mr); gentleman; sir. Both suit Zhongli very well in this fic ;)

Dried lily bulb【百合】 is usually recommended in TCM (traditional Chinese medicine) clinics to treat coughs, dry throats and relieve heat. (But IRL, this doesn’t actually help with the horny feels LOL.) 

Zhongli as Morax has darker brown/amber skin tone on arms, so I chose to depict this in the fic as skin darkening when aroused. I also put a photo of something similar on an actual body. 

[bishy437]

he won

bonus:

[biboomerangboi]

Hua Cheng essentially cockblocking himself for possibly all of eternity will literally never not be the funniest thing MXTX ever wrote.

Xie Lian was pretty much completely in love with him the second he saw those lanterns (and completely oblivious about it) and then we get the wonderful first kiss underwater moment and Xie Lian is basically drawing hearts around Hua Cheng every time he sees him. While like quietly dying cause he literally has no idea what to do with it. Like at this point he doesn’t even really understand that he is head over heels totally gone for this man.

Until Hua Cheng is like I have a beloved I just haven’t won them over yet. Which he thinks is perfectly reasonable because his self esteem is the worst and he doesn’t understand how he could have won Xie Lian over yet. (He’s only on step 22 of his Marrying Dianxia 3000 step Master Plan ((that he debates throwing out on a regular basis because he doesn’t deserve to even dream about wanting Xie Lian)). So course he’s like yeah I have this wonderful noble beautiful beloved I just haven’t won them over yet wink wink nudge nudge.

But Xie Lian is like oh of course obviously I don’t deserve nice things and fuck I actually wanted him so badly I’m actually in love with him and now I will resign myself to never being happy for his sake. (Their combined self esteem is truly a so low it’s a hole in the ground which is hilarious because they think the other person is to good for them and unattainable forever because they literally have the same neurosis.) So he starts boxing up his feelings forever constantly wanting Hua Cheng and feeling guilty about it and literally dying inside because he wants Hua Cheng like he’s never wanted anyone.

Like essentially books 3 and 5 only happen because Hua Cheng has now cursed them both by saying he has a beloved because Xie Lian believes he isn’t wanted and therefore any nice thing Hua Cheng does is just him being nice and not Hua Cheng pulling out steps 23-34 of his plan thinking he still hasn’t won Xie Lian over. (He has he so has but he shot himself in the foot so badly it’s painful to read).

Like thank the Gods Hua Cheng is so unhinged and created the cave of 10000 Gods cause Xie Lian would literally be at his own wedding to Hua Cheng still convinced he wanted someone else and this was in fact a thing they were doing to solve a case together otherwise.

Like he needed something that unhinged to put 2 and 2 together otherwise he never would have caught on he’s Hua Cheng’s beloved. Meanwhile Hua cheng is like 🥺 he’s going to think I’m a weirdo now and I’m only on step 50 of the plan 🥺 like the two of them wouldn’t have been fucking nasty 2 books ago if he just kept his mouth shut and didn’t cockblock himself so violently.

[qifreyplushie]

SORRY EVERYONE I GOT CAUGHT UP IN WRITING ANOTHER FIC LOL... please take this crumb in the meantime <3 I shall be done soon i think....

[mccromy]

Hua Cheng and Quan Yizhen get hit by a de-aging curse that turns them into their 10 year old selves. Naturally, Xie Lian and Yin Yu take care of them while investigating how to reverse it. Unfortunately, Hong-er and Quan Yizhen take to the other like two stray cats forcefully shoved inside a small cage, hissing and spitting and yowling and growling and beating the shit out of the other on sight. Yin Yu looks away for one second and suddenly Yizhen is pouncing on Hong-er, punching the daylights out of him. Hong-er rips a chunk of hair out of Yizhen, both get bitten, blood gets spilled. Yin Yu is panicking while he drags a screaming Quan Yizhen away. Xie Lian is this close 🤏🏻 to throwing Quan Yizhen into He Xuan's lair.

They don't know what to do. Hong-er poured ink down Quan Yizhen's back, Quan Yizhen threw a live mouse at Hong-er's face, Hong-er locked Quan Yizhen inside a chest and, in retaliation, Quan Yizhen pissed all over Hong-er's Dianxia portraits. Hong-er had a meltdown in Xie Lian's arms and Yin Yu had a panic attack, which in turn made Quan Yizhen hide for eight hours of desperate search until Yin Yu thought to look under his own bed (he was there.)

"Why do you fight Quan Yizhen?" Asks Xie Lian, and Hong-er answers that Quan Yizhen started it.

Yin Yu asks Quan Yizhen why did he attack Hong-er, and Yizhen frowns and answers: "I don't like him" and refuses to elaborate.

They are so sweet otherwise. Hong-er brings every flower he finds to Xie Lian, hands anxiously twisting the hem of his clothes every time as if this time Dianxia won't like them. One time while cooking, Xie Lian glanced back and caught Hong-er praying to him and felt himself melt on the spot. Quan Yizhen tries to help Yin Yu with everything (and fails spectacularly), asking every two seconds if he did good, and smiling and wiggling every time Yin Yu tells him that yes, that was perfect Yizhen.

After a week of incidents, crying, screaming, broken vases and sleepless nights. Xie Lian, tired and desperate, brings them together to end this misery once and for all. He asks Quan Yizhen directly, and the boy doesn't answer, he asks again with a softer tone. Quan Yizhen frowns and kicks him on the shin, hard enough to make him stagger. Xie Lian is very impressed by that and doesn't see Hong-er in time to catch him before he attacks Quan Yizhen, clawing his face and screaming. Yizhen kicks and bites, thankfully forgetting all his martial training as they grapple on the floor. And while Xie Lian and Ruoye do their best to subdue them, Yin Yu stares at them as an horrible epiphany wacks him on the back of his head.

"Your highness," Yin Yu whispers, "that night, before Chengzu saw you, he panicked and tried to run away, so I picked him up... And he kicked me."

Xie Lian doesn't know whether to laugh or cry . "I take it Qi Ying saw it?"

Yin Yu nods miserably.

The next morning, Xie Lian coaxes Hong-er into apologizing to Yin Yu for kicking him, and Xie Lian explains Quan Yizhen Hong-er didn't mean it, he was just scared. Yin Yu, for his part, spent all night teaching Quan Yizhen a very long "I am sorry, your highness" speech, and makes him kowtow three times. Then he proceeds to do the same, both effectively groveling.

Xie Lian grimaces and interrupts the boy as he recites with a blank face and the enthusiasm of someone who's only doing this because his Shixiong asked.

"That's really too much..., there is no need,"

"I beg to differ, Your Highness," answers Yin Yu, still kneeling on the ground. He raises his head and glances at Hong-er.

Xie Lian really can't say anything to that.

Yin Yu nudges Yizhen, and the boy pulls out a golden bar from his sleeve and places it at Xie Lian's feet. "This Quan Yizhen uh.... Um... This Yizhen will... ah! This Yizhen swears to spend the rest of his days atoning for...! For his...?"

"Transgressions," whispers Yin Yu.

"Transgressions! And swears to keep others from laying their filth on His Highness' path, as this one once did. His Highness whims shall become this one's deeds. In penance, I place the West at your feet, Qi Ying's palace is at your service. And if this one's repentance cannot erase this one's grievous sins... Uhm... Give me a moment, I have a lot of rocks in here." Qua Yizhen rummages through his sleeve for a few seconds, and then triumphantly pulls out a dark box. "Found it! Um.. something something sins! In your hands I place the Waning Moon Officer's ashes-!"

"Yin Yu that's really not necessary!"

"It really is, your Highness," he says with a strained voice.

Quan Yizhen leaves the box on the floor, completely unaware of it's importance, and throws himself into Yin Yu's lap. "I did good, right? I only forgot one thing! Shixiong, Shixiong it came out right?"

Yin Yu sighs.

"Yes, Yizhen. You did well."

"That guy interrupted me in the end though, that was rude. Can we go?"

Yin Yu didn't know whether to laugh or cry or grab his shidi and find new employment under He Xuan.

Xie Lian shook his head, crouched and carefully took the box, placed it on Yin Yu's hands. He felt really fond of Yin Yu's earnestness, but truly, this was overkill (Yin Yu would beg to differ, and so would He Xuan if he was there, and so would Hua Cheng if he was 800 years older. As Hong-er though, he only agreed with his Highness because he didn't understand what the act meant. As it stood, he really wanted to push that other kid from a wall.)

Xie Lian waited until Yin Yu raised his head and said softly, yet firmly:

"Officer, I order you to guard this with utmost diligence. They belong to a dear friend of mine, who need not worry for his Shidi's wellbeing," Xie Lian smiled at Hong-er, who stopped glaring at the figures on the floor and smiled back. Not breaking eye contact with the boy, Xie Lian continued, enunciating each word clearly, "after all, said Shidi is also a dear friend, who always treated me with respect, and if something happened to him I'd be very, very sad."

Yin Yu stood up, holding Yizhen's hand in his and the box to his chest. He bowed, "This one apologizes for offending His Highness, this one knows his Highness to be kind and wise, and didn't mean to imply otherwise. This Waning Moon Officer shall do as his Highness commands,"

After that, the boys stop trying to kill the other on sight. And, after much coaxing and promises of candy and sparring sessions, they spend one peaceful hour interacting under the watchful gaze of the only people they cared about. The next day, they sat side to side. Quan Yizhen practicing kicks and Hong-er drawing, both tense in sullen silence. The day after that Quan Yizhen asks Hong-er to help him draw his Shixiong, and Hong-er accepts, both glance at the adults in the room for approval and smile giddily when they get it. The day after, Quan Yizhen teaches Hong-er how to throw a punch, and they mock fight until dinner time (which they eat separately,) . The day after that, the adults decide to leave them alone for exactly three minutes, they wait just outside the room, ear pressed to the door. At the minute mark, they hear the unfortunately familiar sound of two tiny boys doing their utmost best to brutally kill each other.

The day after that, the curse is broken.

Xie Lian takes Hua Cheng to Puqi shrine, desperate for some alone time with his husband. Though he misses Hong-er dearly, his husband's absence had been so painful that now he's drunk on giddy relief.

They work the fields, they make dinner together, and after they're done eating, Xie Lian asks what had been running through his mind.

"San Lang, you two were getting along so well, why did you start fighting again?"

Hua Cheng wrinkles his nose in a way that makes Xie Lian want to kiss him and says, "He didn't want to admit that Gege was better than Shixiong— I mean, Yin Yu. Ah Gege, don't make fun of your San Lang!" He whined.

Xie Lian did try to stop laughing, but not hard enough to accomplish it.

Once done, he wiped a tear and asked:

"Shixiong?"

Hua Cheng groaned.

"I didn't know what his name was! That animal kept talking about his Shixiong. Shixiong this, Shixiong that! so it stuck inside my head! I wanted to talk about his Highness this and that, but the little shit kept interrupting me!"

"Ahaha—"

There was a loud crash outside. Xie Lian jumped out of his seat, Hua Cheng's hand hovered above E-ming. Abruptly, The Martial God of the West barged into Puqi shrine.

Xie Lian relaxed and smiled, a greeting dying on his tongue as he was faced with a fulminanting glare coming from Quan Yizhen's usually stoic face.

Xie Lian sat back again, placed his hands on his knees and waited for the other god to speak.

Quan Yizhen huffed and bowed. Then, he slammed a gold bar on the table with such force the wood cracked. "You can't have him," He said, bowed again, and left.

Xie Lian was stumped. Silence reigned until Hua Cheng broke it by cackling. Wheezing, he fell off his chair.

"San Lang...? Do you know what that was about?"

Hua Cheng exhaled and smiled at his beloved. "Gege is so popular. I didn't know I had so much competition. Won't he tell me how many other ghosts have offered their ashes to him? Do I need to make Black Water a puddle for him to sleep in? Yin Yu may keep his room, but ah, Gege rejected my poor Waning Moon Officer, didn't he? How cruel, how sought after my God is."

Blood rushing to his cheeks, Xie Lian groaned and hid his face in his hands.

A moment later, Yin Yu's bashful voice spoke inside his head.

"I really didn't mean it like that, your Highness,"

Xie Lian made an embarrassed sound.

At least, he felt closer to laughing than to crying.

"I know."

"I apologize,"

"It's alright,"

"...May his Highness please ask Chengzu to stop calling me a homewrecker through my spiritual array?"

...

"Ah. I'm sorry, yes, of course."

[sunderwight]

Hualian Idol AU where instead of the statues the big reveal of Hua Cheng's longstanding amorous fixation on Xie Lian is all of his self-insert "my mom sold me to One Direction" style fanfics located in the depths of some boyband RPF archive.

[echochqmber]

if hualian did a meet the parents somehow, xie lian's father wouldn't even have time to disapprove of him being a ghost. he'd be too busy disapproving of him being new money.

[disgracefulthings]

SVSSSxTGCF AU where Airplane Shooting Towards the Sky was an actual god before he transmigrated as Shang Qinghua, but was executed by the other gods after Xie Lian's 2nd banishment. Hundreds of years later Xie Lian reunites with him in Ghost City (Shang Qinghua is trying to secure an alliance with the Ghost King for the Northern Palace), however Airplane does not remember his time as a god

Edit: Forgot to mention, he was executed because he created Heavenly Demons

[asoftepiloguemylove]

unknown // Mo Xiang Tong Xiu 天官赐福 Heaven Official's Blessing // リップヴァンウィンクルの花嫁 A Bride for Rip Van Winkle (2016) dir. Shunji Iwai // Odysseus Elytis The Axion Esti // Nayyirah Waheed Nejma // ENHYPEN Blind // unknown // Franz Kafka Letters to Milena // 今際の国のアリス Alice in Borderland (2020-) dir. Shinsuke Sato // unknown // Anna Akhmatova The Road is Black // unknown // 刻在你心底的名字 Your Name Engraved Herein (2020) dir. Patrick Kuang-Hui Liu // unknown

[gutouhua]

characters. pantalone x f.reader

rating. explicit (18+ only)

wc. 755

tags. yandere!pantalone, pet names (songbird, pet), unhealthy obsession, locking reader in a cage, sex toys, breeding, owner/pet (collar), manipulation/gaslighting, pantalone tells reader to eat 3 meals a day & exercise (he’s a control freak)

a/n. also wrote this one around 6ish months ago along with the firsthand experience Zhongli piece lol. if you like what I write, send me a coffee if you can <3

a letter to my songbird ┃from pantalone

[catsoverboyss]

I'm thinking tang bo returns au, in which he comes back as some random tang clan npc child...

The first thing he does, after terrorizing a random cousin for information of course, is focus on cultivation, both for himself and his family.

I imagine him pulling a Cheng Myeong and coming up to Tang Gunak with a box full of scrolls like "Omg, i just found these scrolls with ancient martial arts burried there. Ah? The ink is still wet? Ha ha ha, you're so funny my lord!" He then teaches the techniques himself. Subtlety? never heard of her.

Soon, he managed to best all of Tang Gunak's children. And as the greatest Tang of all Tangs, what does he do with his freedom? Go to Mount Hua of course!

He heard the sect was in shambles, for his Hyung-nim, he would help these children!

But he doesn't find helpless children at the top of the mountain, instead, he finds a boy.

A boy with pink eyes and an ugly scowl.

A boy who's gaze seemed to turn sad the moment his eyes met his.

A boy... who looked much alike someone he once knew, someone he once loved.

He couldn’t stop himself from muttering a quiet "Hyung-Nim?" Praying to the gods he wasn’t mistaken, praying his old mind hadn't betrayed, playing tricks the same way his traitorous heart was.

To his absolute delight, the boy in question answered him, spouting words he never thought he would hear again. Or at least not with that sweet tone, not with those loving eyes that sparked joy into his very being and his heart jump in excitement. "Tang Bo-ya?"

[biboomerangboi]

Hua Cheng is just so iconic to us because he is in fact a tumblr girlie. Notebook filled to the brim with sketches of his blorbo. Info dumps galore. Maximalist fashion to the nines. Outfits based on accessories. Has all of the genders under one big shapeshifting trench coat. Hates the ruling class. Excuses every problematic thing his blorbo does and stands by them in the group chats. Insane reaction to people who dislike his blorbo and says mean things about them, burning temples is the doxxing of his time. He belongs on here with us.

[thousand-lights-temple]

holding it the right way makes his hand hurt…

[weirdocat83]

Because I’m still fixated on return of Mount hua sect:

Fic Idea!

I’ve seen a lot of people do “Tang Bo reincarnates too” fanfics (which, I love y’all. Plz keep writing) but I haven’t seen one where he’s there from the beginning. Canon rewrite style.

Like, imagine Chung Myung reincarnates as per canon but a few minutes after realizing (and getting information) Tang Bo, freshly reincarnated and just as confused overhears Chung Myung getting information and they figure out that they reincarnated together! So they make their way to Mount hua and canon events occur but this time there’s someone helping Chung Myung in his shenanigans and that changes things just a little.

Chung Myung having someone on his level to rely on would be a HUGE boon to him while doing things (plus having someone to yell at him for doing stupid shit in secret [*cough* using his literal life force and almost dying *cough*].) Someone to join in his suffering not only when the past becomes a bit too much but also when he feels the unfairness of what happened to Mount Hua and himself. Someone who acknowledges with him all the people that died in the war that didn’t get remembered and how unfair it is that the current generation of Mount Hua is weak because there was nobody to teach them how to be strong or how to manage things. Someone to talk to when things get rough, you know?

But also just the hilarity of both of them being gremlins from the beginning. I mean, Chung Myung has said it himself, Tang Bo is a bit of a crazy bastard. Which is rich coming from him, but also that kinda shows how crazy Tang Bo is. It’d be interesting to see them causing trouble, especially if they’re clingy because ✨trauma✨. It’d be funny if anyone from/allied with mount hua just has the general knowledge that if you see one, the other isn’t far behind. Tang Bo will walk down the streets for shopping but Chung Myung is probably on the roofs of said stores watching. Or if Chung Myung is out in the forest training Tang Bo is either on standby to make sure he’s ok or training himself within earshot but not close enough to be seen. This may go on to the point that if they are forced to separate for some reason or another it feels really weird and unnatural for everyone involved, not just them.

Also the whole tang clan confrontation would be 1000x funnier. Because Tang Bo is no longer really related to them he gets a lot of questions about his name (unless he changes it for secrecy?). Tang Bo watching from the sidelines as his dagger techniques getting used by his family to fight mount hua. Tang Bo, horrified and laughing in the background as Chung Myung is proposed to by his descendant because that man is 82 even if he looks like a teenager. Also Tang Bo seeing what his family has become over time.

Idk I have thoughts because the funny poison man lives rent free in my brain.

[the-deal-breaker]

Xianle quad incorrect quotes

Xie Lian, playing a video game: How do I play? Xie Lian has drawn first blood! Xie Lian is on a killing spree! Xie Lian is on a rampage! Xie Lian is unstoppable! Xie Lian is dominating! Xie Lian is godlike! Xie Lian: Don’t worry guys, I figured it out.

Feng Xin: Why are you doing this? Xie Lian: Same reason I do everything, Feng Xin. To get somebody to like me.

Hua Cheng: I don’t need any more friends. I already have four. Xie Lian: Don’t you mean five? Hua Cheng: looks directly at Mu Qing Hua Cheng: No, I’m pretty sure I meant to say four.

Feng Xin: Xie Lian, remember when you said you weren’t going to interfere with my love life? Xie Lian: No, that doesn’t sound like me at all.

Mu Qing, to Hua Cheng: When was the last time you let someone hug you? Hua Cheng: thinking Hua Cheng: 2012. Feng Xin: 2012…? Hua Cheng: Yeah. I almost died and it really freaked Xie Lian out so I let them hug me.

[azu1as]

Hi, Tin! I love your writing and I have a prompt for you, if you are interested) what if Tang family is too afraid of Tang Bo leaving permanently and eloping with Cheong Myeong? So they initiate marriage negotiations with Mount Hua. It can be angst (CM is socially isolated and insecure about his position) or romantic comedy (awkward situations and protective Cheong Mun), up to you). Thank you in advance!

It was a well-established fact that the Dark Saint of the Tang Family was one of their generation's best.

So it came as no surprise when an influx of marriage proposals flooded their family's estate—because rumors started flying around that the Dark Saint was in search of a partner.

The Dark Saint held a reputation for being cold and ruthless. To cultivators and martial artists, he was someone they feared making into an enemy due to his sheer battle prowess and poisonous abilities. To normal civilians, he was a genius who wielded the Tang Family's techniques with cool precision and intent; to them, he was just another mysterious cultivator that they would only ever know of through gossip and stories.

However, in recent years, something shifted. His reputation among common folk was slowly altered. It started off with a supposed battle between him and the Plum Blossom Sword Saint which turned into a sudden and unexpected friendship.

Whereas in the past the Dark Saint would only go around Sichuan and closeby villages, he was now found going around different major cities and unknown ones.

He was often in the company of Mount Hua's Plum Blossom Sword Saint, who worked with him side-by-side to eradicate groups from the Demonic Cult and the occasional bandits and thieves.

For supposed Taoists, the two visited different establishments to drink alcohol and talk cheerily. It was during one of these moments that the first rumor began its spark.

"Ahhhh," The Plum Blossom Sword Saint groans in satisfaction. "That sure hits the spot!"

The Dark Saint chuckles as he tosses back his own drink. "If only I could enjoy everyday like this. Alcohol really is the best."

"What would your future wife think?" The Plum Blossom Sword Saint jokingly and dramatically shakes his head in disappointment. "To have a husband who loves alcohol more than his own wife...!"

The Dark Saint wiggles his eyebrows suggestively. "Trust me, I would make sure that my wife knows full-well just how much I love them."

The two of them share a silent, private conversation with just their eyes alone, that none of the other restaurant's customers could decipher, before they leave a generous tip and went on their way.

It snowballs from there.

All of a sudden gossip went around about the Dark Saint's interest in finding a wife. And so several people came to the same conclusion.

The reason why the Dark Saint is travelling around more than usual is because he's looking for a prospective wife.

Clearly, the Plum Blossom Sword Saint was there to provide moral support. How truly admirable and strong their brotherhood must be!

On the other hand, the head of the Tang Family was fully aware of their Dark Saint's single-minded interest in Mount Hua's Chung Myung.

Seeing all the stacks of letters that ranged from proposing strategic alliances and general marriage offers brought the current head of the Tang Family to a very different conclusion.

Tang Bo was trying to slowly draw himself away from their family by leaving their estate. He might be on the hunt, jumping from village to village, trying to create a dowry befitting for the hand of the Plum Blossom Sword Saint and scouting out all the best locations to settle down in.

It really wouldn't be too surprising of an idea if one day a letter turns up from the man with an intent of permanently moving to Mount Hua or some backwater village.

The Tang Family head shakes the thought of losing one of their best and genius members to one of the Ten Great Sects. If he wanted to maintain their family's reputation, he'll need to strike the first move.

And so he begins to pen a decisive letter to the Sect Leader of Mount Hua.

%%%

Chung Mun's hands tremble as reads the letter sent to him by the Tang Family.

'Who did they think they were?' He would have bit out if he had any less self-restraint. The paper crumples in his grip and he receives a questioning glance from Chung Myung who was sprawled eating mooncakes on the opposite side of his desk.

"What's got you so worked up?" The subject of the letter askswithout a care.

Chung Mun takes a deep breath. "The Tang Family wishes for you to transfer into their estate."

He refuses to say out loud the marriage proposal that came along with this request. His Chung Myung was too young! The man might be a sixty years old, but that round face, cheeks carelessly bulging with mooncakes with crumbs littered on his chin, screamed too young for marriage!

"Oh." Chung Myung nods in understanding.

Chung Mun is glad that Chung Myung agrees that this was nonsensical. To think, they thought that Chung Myung would even leave Mount Hua for—

"After the war is over, Tang Bo and I were planning to be roommates and travel the world a bit."

—?????

"Roommates?" Chung Mun's voices comes out slightly strangled.

"Yup. It's going to be great."

"No."

"'No'?"

Chung Mun tries to run through his previous conversations with Tang Bo. He knew that the man was capable of being underhanded, but he was also well-aware that Tang Bo respected him enough to not blind-side him with something like this. Especially since it concerned Chung Myung.

...

...Oh no.

"Fuck." Chung Mun says, full of feeling as he recalls Tang Bo off-handedly asking permission to live together with Chung Myung in the future.

"...Sect Leader?"

Chung Mun had thought that was a joke! He thought Tang Bo wasn't being serious! They were talking with alcohol in their systems!

The alarmed look that crosses Chung Myung's face informed Chung Mun that the way he felt his blood drain from his face was a visible, physical reaction.

"He asked for your hand in marriage." Chung Mun says faintly. "I said yes."

Chung Myung blinked at him. "Yeah? He told me?"

Okay. Tang Bo, to his credit, hasn't been leaving Chung Myung in the dark at least.

If Chung Myung knows and isn't reacting violently that means that he isn't completely against this. Even if Chung Mun was, he had to reorganize his priorties.

And his number one would be to make sure Chung Myung was happy.

((And to make sure that the Tang Family doesn't think they can step on Chung Mun and pull his little brother away.))

"I'll have to recheck the sect's budget and my own savings to make sure we have enough for the wedding preparations..." Chung Mun mutters as he begins drafting a response to the Tang Family with what he thought were better marriage agreement conditions.

But then, a flash of dread causes Chung Mun to pause writing and leave a dark ink blot on the paper. He suspected, but he really wishes that he was wrong—!

"Huh?" Chung Myung gives Chung Mun a confused look. "We already got married though?"