#hows everyone doing this fine morning between the hours of 3 and 10 am??

[saturnisfallingdown]

great news! the pre-mcr show nerves have kicked in and im incapable of falling back asleep

[winchesterwild78]

The Tutor

Master List

Characters: Jensen Ackles x Reader

Warnings: Nothing too bad yet, just a chapter to establish the story. Some language and some physical grabbing.

**Trigger Warning: Some of this chapter could be considered Domestic Violence. It’s grabbing an arm, and being controlling.**

A/N: Just a quick idea that popped in my head. A short series, maybe 2 or 3 chapters. I don’t know yet. No disrespect to Jensen or his family. This is a work of fiction. Jensen has children in this, but I do not use their real names. 

Reader is a teacher and is asked to tutor Jensen’s child. Things develop between Jensen and the reader. I do not condone cheating, again, this is a work of fiction.

This chapter got a little long. Sorry not sorry. 😀

Minors DNI 18+

It was about 5 am when your alarm went off. You rolled over, grumbled and turned it off. Your husband was still sleeping next to you. Crawling out of bed you went to your bathroom and jumped in the shower. 

About 15 minutes later you were dressed and ready for work. You’d been a teacher for about 10 years, and you loved every second of it. Your husband encouraged you to expand your talent and offer tutoring in the afternoons as a way to help save money for the summer months when you didn’t get paid. 

You talked to the principal of your school and she told you she’d put out feelers to see if anyone had a lead on a possible need for a tutor. 

Grabbing your coffee, lunch and bag you headed for your car. It was a chilly morning, but you welcomed the change in temperature. As you pulled in the parking lot to the school, you noticed you were one of the first ones there. 

You sighed, gathered your things and got out of your car. As you walked in the building you saw the principal was in her office already. “Hey, Y/N, hold on a second.” You walked to her office door and waited for her to get off the phone.

“Hey, Y/N. I’m glad I caught you. So I talked to a friend of mine and she said she knows a couple who is looking for a tutor for their children. They have 3 kids, an older daughter, and a set of twins, a boy and a girl. The mother is out of town, but the father wanted to come in and see you in action and then sit down with you. Is that okay with you?”

“Oh, yeah that’s fine. Is he coming in today?” “Yes, if you were okay with it he wanted to come in today. If they decided to go with you, they’d want you to start ASAP.”

“Um, okay. Yeah. That’s fine. Hopefully it doesn’t distract my kiddos, but sure. Tell him to come by whenever.” “Great! I’ll give him a call.” You nodded and walked to your classroom.

Before the kids arrived, you sent your husband a text.

You: Hey, I might have a potential tutoring gig. Ms Smith is having a dad come in today. He and his wife wanted to see me in action. I’d be tutoring their three kids. I’ll let you know how it goes. I love you, babe.

Hubby: That’s great, you sure three kids won’t be too much? I love you too.

You: 3 kids? I teach 22 kids all day. I think I can handle 3.

Hubby: Yeah, you’re right. 

You finished getting things ready for the day as the kids started to arrive. “Good morning Ms Y/L/N!” The kids greeted you as they came into the room. “Good morning everyone.” 

Once the students got settled you called them to sit on the carpet to talk about today and how there might be a visitor. They were excited. You taught 5 & 6 year olds, so anytime there was a visitor it was always a big deal. 

“Now I want you all to be on your best behavior, and if we have a visitor I want you to do your best to ignore them, okay?” The kids nodded in agreement. 

A few hours later you were reading a book to your students when you heard your classroom door open. Glancing over you saw the principal and a man walk in. You kept teaching, not paying attention to the people in the room. 

When you read books, you are very animated. The kids would giggle and were completely engaged. At the end of your story you asked questions and called on some students to answer. A few minutes later you had them go back to their desks to complete the writing assignment you had given them. 

As you walked around checking their writing the principal approached you. “Ms Y/L/N, this is Mr Ackles. Mr Ackles, this is Ms. Y/L/N, our favorite Kindergarten teacher.” Your eyes went wide. Standing in your classroom was Jensen Ackles. His green eyes sparkling like emeralds under the fluorescent lights, his sandy brown hair perfectly styled, and he smelled like heaven. 

He extended his hand to shake yours. “Hello Ms Y/L/N, I’ve heard so much about you. It’s nice to finally meet you.” You took his hand in yours and your breath hitched. You knew who he was, you’d been a fan for years. “Nice to meet you too, Mr Ackles. I look forward to speaking with you more about the tutoring needs of your children.” 

He smiled and nodded. The two of you couldn’t tear your eyes away from each other. You unconsciously bit your lip. The sound of a little voice pulled you two out of your trance. “Ms Y/L/N, is this right?” One of your students came up with her paper for you to check. “So what should this sentence start with?” Her bright eyes looking at you and then down at her paper, “Um, oh a capital.” You smiled and nodded.

She went back to her seat and fixed her paper. “Okay guys, remember to capitalize, and illustrate your writing. Don’t forget your setting and color.”

Your principal came up to you, “We are going to head out, I’ll give Mr. Ackles your number so you two can set up a meeting.” You nodded and thanked them, then they left.

Your heart was still pounding in your chest and you felt a warmth fill your body. Girl, get it together. He’s way out of your league, both of you are married, and you might be tutoring his children. This is just a celebrity crush. Keep it professional. 

The end of the day came quickly. You were cleaning up your classroom when you heard a knock on your classroom door. Looking up you saw Jensen. Your breath caught in your throat. “Excuse me Ms Y/L/N, I hope I’m not disturbing you.” “Oh no, I’m just cleaning up before heading home. How can I help you Mr Ackles?” 

“Well I really liked what I saw today. You were engaging and gentle but you can see your students know your expectations. I’d like to offer you the tutoring job if you’d like it.” “Oh, of course. May I meet your children before I officially start? This won’t work if the kids don’t like me.” 

Jensen smiled and nodded. “I’ll text you my address and you’re welcome to come by this afternoon.” “Sure, that would be great. I can’t wait to meet them and your wife.” You smiled. “Well, she’s out of town right now, so that will have to wait.” “Okay. If you need to wait for her, that's fine. I want her to be fine with me tutoring the kids too.” “Nope, this was something we’d talked about before she left, and she knew I was going to hire someone as soon as I could.”

“Okay, great. I’ll come by this afternoon then. I’ll see you later Mr Ackles.” “Jensen, please call me Jensen.” “Jensen, then. Feel free to call me Y/N.” He smiled and so did you. When he left you pulled out your phone to text your husband.

You: Hey, heading to meet the kids I might be tutoring. The dad asked me to come by this afternoon.

Hubby: Okay, I’ll see you at home later then. Love you

You: I love you too. 

You set your phone down and finished cleaning. A few minutes later your phone went off.

Unknown: Hey, Y/N. This is Jensen. My address is 123 E Main Street. Can’t wait for the kids to meet you.

You: Hey, Jensen. I can’t wait to meet them either. I’ll be there in about 20 minutes. Just finishing up here. 

Jensen: Great! See you then.

You finished what you were doing and grabbed your stuff heading out of the school. Driving to Jensen’s house you were nervous but excited. You’d tutored before, but never for a celebrity and definitely not for someone you had been crushing on for decades. 

Pulling down the long driveway you were in awe at the spacious home that stood before you. Putting your car in park, you grabbed your bag and got out. 

Before you could knock on the door it opened and Jensen greeted you with a smile. “Hey, Y/N, glad you could make it.” “Hello, Mr. Ackles, thank you for having me.” “Please, call me Jensen.” You nodded and smiled, “Okay, Jensen.” 

He welcomed you into his spacious home and led you to the living room. “Please have a seat, and I’ll get the kids down here. Would you like anything to drink? Tea, water?” “Um, sure, I’ll have water if you don’t mind.” “Sure thing. I’ll grab it and the kids.”

You sat on the couch as Jensen left the room. You heard him calling the kids and the sound of feet on the stairs. 

Jensen and the kids came back to the room. He handed you the water. “Thank you.” He nodded and smiled. “Kids, this is Ms Y/L/N, she’s going to be your tutor. Ms Y/L/N, this is my oldest, Annie, and the twins, Jessica and Jensen Jr., we call him Jr.” “Hi guys, it’s nice to finally meet you three.” “Hello Ms Y/L/N, it’s nice to meet you too.” Jensen’s son walked over and sat next to you, “Are you married? Do you have any kids?” “Yes I am married, and no I don’t have any children yet. I’m a teacher so my students are like my kids right now.” 

The five of you sat in the living room talking and getting to know each other. After the kids got tired of talking and asking you questions, they left the room. Leaving you and Jensen alone. “So, Y/N, what do you think? Think you can handle them?” You smiled and nodded, “Yes. They seem really sweet, I’d be just fine with them.” 

“Well, all that’s left is to talk about schedule, pay, and the NDA. The NDA is to protect everyone involved. You’re more than welcome to contact an attorney to look it over.” You smiled and nodded. About 45 minutes later you and Jensen had talked about your schedule, the pay and he’d given you the NDA.

“So, Y/N, do you have any additional questions for me?” “Yes, when will your wife be back, I’d love to meet her too.” “She won’t be back for a few weeks, but you’ll get to meet her when she returns.” You nodded and stood, “Well, Jensen I better leave you to it. I need to get home anyway. I have some things to do for work.” “Of course, well thank you again for coming by this evening. Let me walk you out.” 

The two of you walked towards the door. “Thank you again, Y/N for agreeing to take this job. We’ve interviewed so many people and they couldn’t get past my status to focus on the kids.” “If I’m being honest Jensen, I’ve been a fan of yours for years, but I promise that will not interfere with my job.” Jensen stepped a little closer to you, and your heart beat faster, “I’m glad. I think this is going to work out for everyone.” A blush filled your cheeks and you bit your lip. “I’ll see you tomorrow, Y/N.” “I’ll see you tomorrow, Jensen. Please tell the kids goodbye.” He nodded as you stepped out of the house.

Getting into your car, you let out the breath you’d been holding. Driving home you couldn’t focus on anything but how gorgeous Jensen looked. Stop it girl! You work for him now. If you can’t stop these thoughts there is no way you’re going to be able to work for him. Your focus should be on his children. Both of you are married, and his wife is absolutely gorgeous. 

About a half hour later you were pulling in your driveway. Your husband was already home. Walking in the house you announced you were home, “Honey I’m home.” Your husband, Jeff, came around the corner and pulled you into a hug and a kiss. 

“How was the meeting with the family?” He asked as he pulled back. “It was great. The kids are so sweet. The wife is out of town and the dad is super nice too. There is a little problem. Well, not really a problem, but something I need to tell you.” “Okay, babe, is everything okay?” “Yeah, so the dad asked me to sign an NDA.” Your husband laughed, “Why is he a secret service agent or a celebrity?” You got a serious look on your face and your husband’s laughter died down. “What? Is he really?” “He and his wife are celebrities. It’s Jensen Ackles.”

Your husband pulled away and looked at you in surprise. He knew how much you liked Jensen and how much of a fan you’d been. “Yeah, I’m not sure if I’m comfortable with you working for him.” You looked at him confused, “What? Why not?” “Oh I don’t know, maybe because you’ve had the hots for him for years.” 

“Jeff, come on, really? I have no interest in him. I love you and I’m married to you. This is a job to help bring in more income for us. Besides, the pay is incredible. I tried to negotiate because I felt it was too much, but he insisted. We’d make enough in two months to pay off our credit cards.” 

Your husband’s jaw tightened, “I don’t care. I forbid you to take this job!” “I’m sorry, what? You forbid me?!? What the hell is wrong with you?” He stepped closer to you, “You heard me. You can’t take the job.” You scoffed and walked away. Jeff grabbed your arm, “Don’t fucking walk away from me!” “Let me go Jeff!” You pulled your arm away and walked to your shared room, locking the door behind you.

You sat on your bed and cried. How could he act like this? You two had been married for years and never had you given him a reason to doubt your loyalty. He’d never grabbed you before and you would never let him do it again. 

You pulled out your phone and sent a text to your best friend.

You: Hey, can I come crash at your place for a bit. Jeff and I had a bad fight. I don’t want to be here right now.

Y/B/F: Absolutely. Are you okay? Do you need me and hubby to come over?

You: Yeah, I’m okay. No, I’ll be okay. I’ll call if I need you.

Y/B/F: Okay babes, see you soon.

You grabbed your suitcase and put some work clothes and casual clothes in it. You grabbed your toiletries and other things you needed. As you walked out into the living room Jeff was sitting on the couch. You could see he was still pissed. “Have you come to your senses, Y/N?” “Yes I have, I’m going to Y/B/F’s house until I figure things out. You will NEVER put your hands on me again!” 

He stood and your heart beat fast. As he walked closer to you, you could see the rage in his face. You had been with him for years and you had never seen him like this, you were scared. 

Jeff stepped closer to you, mere inches from your face, “That’s right, go run to her house and go be his whore.” You didn’t say anything. You grabbed your bags and left. 

Driving down the road the tears started to fall. How could he act like this over a simple job? Why was he so jealous over Jensen? Sure you liked him, but you would never act on those feelings.

Pulling into your friend’s driveway you saw her open the door before you got out of the car. She ran up to you and threw her arms around you. “Oh sweetie, what happened?” She saw your tear stained face. “I told him about the tutoring job I took and he lost it. Told me I couldn’t take it and then he grabbed my arm. When I told him I was leaving he told me to go be the dad’s whore. I don’t know what’s gotten into him.” 

“Let’s get you inside, eat and I’ll open a bottle of wine. Then we can talk.” You nodded and grabbed your things. Her husband walked over and gave you a big hug, “I’m so sorry you’re going through this. I’m gonna head out so you girls can chat. Enjoy dinner.” He placed a kiss on your head before heading out the door. 

Y/F/N and you grabbed the food, and wine and sat down in the living room. “So why would he get so pissed about a tutoring job?” “Well the dad asked me to sign an NDA, he’s a celebrity. I guess Jeff thought I’d sleep with the dad or something. I just don’t understand.” “Oooh who is it?” “I wish I could tell you, but I can’t. Maybe I can ask if I can tell you, but I want to respect his privacy.” “I get it, but Jeff still shouldn’t have gotten pissed about it. Sounds like he’s got something to hide honestly.”

You hadn’t thought about that before, but now you couldn’t get it out of your head. Maybe he was the one cheating on you and was projecting. “Well even if he is, I don’t think I can go back to him. After he put his hands on me and the way he tried to intimidate me before I left. I can’t live with that fear.” “You are welcome to stay here as long as you want. We’ve got you girl, and don’t worry he won’t get near you here.”

*Time Jump 3 months*

“Okay guys, let’s get up and stretch for a bit. We’ve been working hard. Who wants to go outside and play for a bit?” You asked the kids after spending about an hour working with them at the kitchen table. The kids jumped up and ran outside, laughing and racing each other. You smiled as you started to clean up the table. 

Jensen walked into the kitchen and smiled, “Break time, I see.” “Yeah, they needed a break and so did I. Can I get you a coffee, Jensen?” Jensen walked over to the coffee pot, “No, let me get one for you. You’ve been busy educating my children. It’s the least I can do.” 

Jensen grabbed a coffee cup and filled it up, sliding it to you at the kitchen bar. You nodded and told him thank you. He filled one up and leaned against the counter. “So, how are they doing? Are you still okay with working with all three of them?” “Oh they are amazing children. You and your wife should be very proud of them. I adore them.” 

“Thank you, Y/N. I appreciate that.” “So if you don’t mind me asking, when is Mrs. Ackles coming home? I know she’s been out of town on a trip for about a week.” “Oh, yeah she’s on a girls trip. I believe she will come back next week. Maybe she’ll be around more after she gets back.” You could see the pain in his eyes and it broke your heart. “Well I can’t wait to sit and chat with her. I enjoy talking to you, and I’m sure I’ll enjoy sitting and talking to her too.” 

There was a pregnant silence that fell between you two, you looked up and met his eyes. They had a softness to them and were full of kindness. You blushed and smiled. The silence was broken by the sounds of crying. Jensen and you jumped up and ran outside. His daughter, Jessica was sitting on the ground crying. You and Jensen ran over to her and saw her knee was bleeding. 

Jensen scooped her up and carried her in the house. He sat her on the counter and you stood next to her. “Shh, it’s okay baby girl. Your daddy is going to get the first aid kit.” You rubbed her back and wiped her tears. 

Jensen came back carrying the first aid box. You held Jessica’s hand as he cleaned up the wound. “So Jess, what do you want for dinner? I bet you can get your daddy to get you whatever you want.” “I want cheeseburgers and ice cream, she sniffled.” “Ooh that sounds yummy. Does your daddy make good burgers?” She smiled and nodded. 

“Okay baby girl, all done.” Jessica looked at Jensen, “It didn’t even hurt.” Her eyes were wide. You smiled and Jensen looked over at you and smiled. “Well I think Ms Y/N has the magic touch then.” “Yes she does. Ms Y/N, can you stay for dinner?” Jensen was shocked, “Oh honey, Ms. Y/N has to get home to her husband. She can’t stay for dinner.” 

“Well, Jessica, if it’s okay with your dad I’d love to stay for dinner.” “Yay! I’m gonna go tell Jr and Annie.” You helped her down and she took off. As you were helping Jensen clean up, he looked at you, “Thank you for keeping her calm, but you really don’t have to stay. I’m sure your husband is waiting for you.” 

You put your head down, trying to hold back the tears. Taking a deep breath, “No, he’s not. I really would like to stay if you’re okay with it.” “Yes, that would be great. Jess really wants you to stay.” “Okay, let me help you cook then.” “Oh no ma’am, you are our guest.” 

You smiled “Please, it’s the least I can do.” “I’m not going to win this argument, am I?” “Nope, you’re not.” You laughed. “Okay, fine.” He chuckled.

Thirty minutes later you and Jensen were calling the kids in to wash up for dinner. Dinner was delicious and after dinner Jensen pulled out the ice cream. Jessica was excited, because they didn’t get ice cream often. “My wife would kill me if she knew I was giving them ice cream. They tend to get a little wild.” You both laughed. 

After ice cream, the kids went to the living room to watch tv while you helped Jensen clean up the kitchen. His phone rang as you two were cleaning. He sighed before he answered and walked out of the room. 

You kept cleaning and a few minutes later he came back in. “Sorry about that. It was my wife. She wanted to talk to the kids.” “Oh it’s not a problem. That’s sweet she calls when she’s away.” “Yeah, it is.” His jaw tightened a bit. 

The two of you reached for a bowl at the same time and your hands brushed against each other. A chill went through your body. You two looked at each other and you bit your lip, he swallowed hard. 

“Sorry,” you said as you pulled your hand back. “It’s okay.” Jensen cleared his throat, “Well it’s getting late. I’m sure your husband is worried about you.” You took a deep breath, “No, we um, actually split up a little over 3 months ago.” Jensen placed his hand on yours, “I’m so sorry, Y/N. That has to be hard.” “Yeah, it has been. Things just got really bad, so I left. I’ve been living with my best friend and her husband since.” 

“Well, if it gets too crazy there we have a guesthouse you’re welcome to stay in. I know the kids would love to have you around more.” You smiled, “That’s a generous offer, but I think I’m okay where I am right now. Besides, that’s a decision I think your wife should be included in.” “I understand, the offer stands though. She’d be fine with it. She’s always willing to help people.” “Thank you, I appreciate that. I’ll keep it in mind.” 

About an hour later the kids were in bed and you were getting ready to head home. “Well, thank you for dinner and a wonderful evening. I will see you on Monday.” Jensen stood to walk you to the door. His hand brushed lightly on the small of your back and a shiver went through you. “Good night, Jensen. Thank you again for dinner and the conversation.” “Good night, Y/N, and you’re welcome.” Jensen reached out and pulled you into a hug. You took a deep breath and breathed him in. God he smelt amazing, and he was so warm. 

When you two pulled away he lightly ran his thumb over your cheek. You instinctively leaned into his touch. Your breath hitched, “I should go.” You whispered. “Yeah, you probably should.” 

Jensen stepped closer, you bit your lip. His thumb ran over your chin, pulling your lip out of your teeth. Your breathing grew more rapid and your heart beat wildly. His lips were inches from yours, your breath mingling with his. He licked his lips and leaned even closer. You felt his lips ghosting over yours. “Jensen..” “Tell me to stop and I’ll stop.” You looked at him, your voice caught in your throat. “Y/N, do you want me to stop?” “No,” was all you said. 

Jensen’s lips crashed into yours. Soft but forceful and full of passion and need. Your mind swirling, your heart pounding as his tongue licked your lips asking for entrance. You parted your swollen lips and his tongue took dominance in your mouth. Jensen’s hands went into your hair and pulled you closer to him. Your hands wrapped around his neck. 

The kiss seemed to last for hours, the need for air causing your lungs to scream for oxygen, but in that moment Jensen was the only thing you needed to live. When the need for air became too much, you both pulled away, panting with swollen lips. 

You were blushing and Jensen was smiling. “I’ve been dying to do that for a really long time.” You smiled and bit your lip. His hand brushing against your cheek, “So beautiful”. You took a deep breath, “Good night Jensen.” He placed a soft peck on your lips before you walked out of the house. 

Driving home all you could think of was the kiss. You’d dreamed of kissing him for years, but he’s married. What did the kiss mean to him, to your job? Would he want to do it again, would you? Your mind was racing with thoughts of the kiss and how you could still feel his lips on yours. The sound of your phone pulling you out of your head.

Jensen: So I’m sorry if I made you uncomfortable. I swear I didn’t plan that. 

You: You didn’t make me uncomfortable. I liked it. Honestly, a little too much. 

Jensen: I liked it too. I’d like to do it again if you want.

You: I like that more than you know, but you’re married and my boss. I’m not sure it’s a great idea.

What the hell are you doing!? Jensen Ackles is telling you he wants to kiss you again and you’re shooting him down. Ugh!

Jensen: I understand. Please don’t think this changes anything or affects your job. It doesn’t. You’re amazing with my kids and I wouldn’t want to mess that up.

You: Thank you. I appreciate you saying that. Good night, and I’ll see you Monday.

Jensen: Good night, Y/N. Sweet dreams and see you Monday.

As you crawled into bed that night all you could think about was the kiss and how wonderful his hands felt on you. A small pang of guilt crept into your head when you thought about his wife. You still couldn’t believe you told him you didn’t think kissing him again would be a good idea. His lips were so soft and damn was he a good kisser. 

Could you really still work for him after this, or would the pull to kiss him become too much?

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[sequinsmile-x]

I Knew You'd Linger Like a Tattoo Kiss - Hushed Conversation in Between Kisses

-x-

A series of unrelated one-shots and mini fics about the many types of kisses Aaron and Emily share.

-x-

Hi besties <3

Here is some very soft Hotchniss for you on this Sunday evening (at least , it's Sunday evening where I am).

Please see the master list for a full list of tags, and the list of prompts for this series.

As always, let me know what you think!

-x-

Words: 2k

Read over on Ao3, or below the cut

“Aaron, slow down.” 

He smiles as he casts a look at her in the rearview mirror, his smile only getting wider when he sees she’s not looking up, all of her focus on their newborn son in his car seat. She’d insisted on travelling in the back of the car with Lucas, not wanting him to be out of her sight for the journey home. He wasn’t even two days old yet. He was tiny and practically swimming in the lion covered onesie Emily had dressed him in and he was fast asleep. Emily was watching him intently, her finger clasped in his tiny fist, and Aaron knew she was excited to get him home. 

Even if she did keep telling him he was driving too fast.

“Em, sweetheart,” he says, “I’m already driving almost 10 miles per hour below the speed limit,” he adds, waving apologetically as a driver in another car beeps their horn as they overtake, “Any slower and I might get a ticket.” 

She looks up and their eyes meet in the rearview mirror briefly before his focus is back on the road, “Sorry,” she mumbles, smiling when she looks back down at Lucas, her chest tightening as she takes in the slope of his nose, his tiny pursed lips. She still felt overwhelmed by it all. Overwhelmed by her love for him, for all of her Hotchner boys. It was hard for her to get her head around the fact that two days ago he was still inside of her, rolling in her belly like he had for months, and now he was here, his tiny fist wrapped around her finger even in sleep, and she could barely remember what life was like before she’d seen his face, “I know I’m crazy. If that helps.” 

“You’re not crazy,” Aaron replies, sighing contentedly as they finally pull onto their street, “You’re his mom and you gave birth 36 hours ago,” he smiles as he parks on the driveway, unclipping his seatbelt so he can turn and look at them properly, “You’re just being protective.” 

She hums, her teeth sinking into her lower lip as she looks up at him, “I feel crazy. Before you came to get us this morning I cried because of how cute he looks in his outfit.” 

Her inability to control her emotions had been, her least favourite part of pregnancy. She’d taken the changes to her body in her stride, had loved to stand sideways and look in the mirror as she studied the flatness of her belly turn into a curve before it gave way to her eventual bump. It was only towards the end, when she struggled to breathe because Lucas was pressed up against her lungs whenever she sat down, and when she could no longer deny that she was waddling not walking, that she started to wish the remaining days and weeks away. The hormones had driven her crazy from the start. 

She’d always prided herself on her ability to control her emotions, something she’d always been able to do around everyone. Aaron had quickly become the exception to that rule when they first started dating. If she was honest with herself, he’d been the exception long before that, somehow able to see past her carefully constructed walls, using the cracks left behind by everything she’d endured to see through them - to see through her. Pregnancy had done away with her walls entirely. Left her feeling exposed as she’d jump from happiness to anger, to tears in a matter of minutes. Her only reassurance in any of it was Aaron. He’d been there to hold her together when she needed him to, or to throw a glare at Derek if he gently made fun of her for crying over a sandwich and her inability to eat cold cuts. He’d tell her that everything was fine, that everything was normal but it didn’t help when she felt like she was losing her mind, losing who she was before all of this. 

“You’re being hard on yourself, sweetheart,” Aaron says as he opens his car door and then hers, smiling softly as he offers her a hand, “You just had a baby.” 

“I know,” she huffs as she takes his hand, her teeth clenched together as she stands up, discomfort rolling over her like a wave, her body aching in ways she didn’t know was possible, “God,” she grumbles, holding onto the car door as she straightens up, “He’s so lucky he’s cute,” she blows out a breath, “I don’t think I’ve ever been so uncomfortable.” 

She knew that wasn’t quite true. That the pain she’d gone through when recovering from what Ian had done to her was unlike anything she’d ever experienced, but this was different. She’d never gone through a major physiological event and then immediately been expected to look after someone else, to have their needs rely almost entirely on her, and she was as exhausted as she was happy. 

“Once we get you inside I’ll get you one of your icepacks,” he says, smiling at her as he reaches past to unclip Lucas’s car seat, “That might help a little.” 

She hums and presses her lips against his temple, “You’re the best,” she says, reaching out to take the car seat from him, frowning when he stops her, moving Lucas further away, “Honey-”

“You can have him when we get inside, okay?” He says, winking at her, “You’ve carried him in and out of the house for the last nine months, now it’s my turn.” 

She narrows her eyes at him, but as soon as she takes a few steps she knows he’s right, knows that she’s going to likely need his help to get up to the porch anyway, so she walks into the house without any further complaint. She sighs contentedly as soon as the smell of home washes over her, her hand drifting to her soft belly as she thinks about the last time she was here. Contractions rolling through her every eight minutes, her hand on her bump as Aaron guided her out to the car. 

“Is Jess getting Jack from school later?” She asks, turning to look at Aaron as he steps into the house, Lucas’s car seat in one hand and her hospital bag in the other. 

Aaron nods as he walks into the living room, “He’s excited to see Lucas again. When I took him to school this morning he was all he’d talk about.” 

She chuckles and leans down to unclip Lucas from the car seat the moment Aaron sets it down on the coffee table. She kisses his forehead before she rests him on her chest, “Your brother is obsessed with you sweet boy,” she kisses his temple again, “Let’s hope it lasts when you’re big enough to borrow his toys.” 

“We’ll cross that bridge when we come to it,” Aaron laughs and leans in to kiss her, “Why don’t you sit down? I’ve got a surprise for you.” 

She furrows her brow but smiles, her teeth sinking into her lower lip as she tilts her head curiously, “Mysterious.” 

“Need help sitting down?” 

She sighs and nods, holding Lucas against her as Aaron helps lower her sit down, “I really thought you having to help me on and off the couch would be something that went away when I was no longer pregnant.” 

He kisses her forehead before he stands up straight, “I’d help you forever, you know that,” he smiles, “You two wait there, and I’ll be right back.”

Emily chuckles as she watches him go and she kisses the top of Lucas’s head, “Daddy is saying that like it wouldn’t take me a week to get up by myself right now,” she kisses him again, her eyes drifting closed as she breathes him in, the sweet newborn scent she knew would fade too quickly for her liking addictive, “You’re worth it all though sweet boy.” 

“Close your eyes.” 

“They are already closed.” She’d roll her eyes if they were open, but instead she calls back to her husband, “Hurry up before I fall asleep.” She listens intently as Aaron walks into the room and places something on the table, whatever it is heavy as it clunks against the wood, “Can I open them yet?” 

“Yes,” he replies, sinking onto the couch next to her, “You can open your eyes.” 

She wasn’t sure what she’d been expecting to see when she opened her eyes, but it wasn’t a charcuterie board. It was beautiful. Full of her favourite soft cheeses and cold cuts, some of them arranged to look like roses, fruit and crackers. She chokes on a sound somewhere between a laugh and a sob as she tears her eyes from it to look at her husband, and the nervous look shining in his eyes makes her heart clench in her chest. 

“Aaron…” 

“I know it’s stupid,” he says, clearing his throat as he shifts closer to her, his arm around her shoulders, “But-”

“It’s not stupid,” she replies as she cups his cheek, Lucas content and still fast asleep on her chest, “Not stupid at all.”  Apart from her lack of emotional control, not being able to eat whatever she wanted to as a close second on her list of least favourite things about being pregnant. As soon as her first trimester was over and the nausea eased off she was hit with cravings that were almost exclusively for food she was no longer allowed to eat. She’d lamented to Aaron more than once about how she really really wanted charcuterie. She’d cried about it more than once too, swearing him to secrecy over the fact she’d sobbed over brie and mortadella, “Where did you get it?” 

“I made it myself,” he says, smiling when she chuckles in surprise. He shrugs one of his shoulders and leans in to kiss her, his thumb catching a stray tear as it slips down her cheek, “We already had the board and I went to that store you like to get everything after I left the hospital last night.” 

“Well,” she says, her eyes flitting to the board again as she kisses him, “If you ever decide you need a career change I think you could do this for a living.” 

“I don’t think there's much of a business in the charcuterie board world,” he mumbles against lips, tasting her smile. 

She hums and kisses him again, barely pulling back to speak, “You might be surprised,” she kisses him again, “Can you get me some?” She asks, finally pulling back as she nods down towards Lucas, “I’m trapped.” 

“Of course,” he stamps a kiss against the corner of her lips as he leans forward to plate some up for her, making sure to get her favourite things before he settles back down next to her. He attempts to pass her the plate but frowns as he thinks about the logistics, one of her hands under Lucas as she holds him in place and one on his back, “How do you want to do this?” 

She crunches her nose up and looks at the food, her stomach growling at the thought of it all, “Will you judge me if I say you hold him whilst I eat that entire board?” 

“Never.” He chuckles and leans in to kiss her, his nose bumping against hers before he takes Lucas from her, the baby barely grumbling as he’s passed between his parents. 

She almost cries as she eats, groaning in delight as she closes her eyes, “God I love you.” 

“Now Lukey,” Aaron says, smirking as he talks to the newborn asleep on his chest but looks at his wife, “Mommy is talking to the cheese and cold cuts right now, but she loves us and Jack too. Don’t worry.” 

“Shut up,” she jokes, and she narrows her eyes, reaching out to wrap her hand around Lucas’s foot, unable to bear being separated from him for more than a few minutes at a time, “I can love more than one thing.” 

[kaiserkisser]

youre gonna hear it anyways actually i override your choice☺️🙏

ok first. let me set the scene. finals are all next week. this is my last week to do any schoolwork. ive been busting ass like its NOBODYS business to get my 25 page thesis in on time with reliable information and atleast some quality of writing. i have been fending off full body sciaticas and flare ups since last monday. my health is reaching near rock bottom like it always does in december.

now picture this. youre me, sitting in my bed at 8pm yesterday. i just finished farming for wriothesley when i get a text message from my thesis partner that she didnt complete anything and is backing out of her end of the project because the topic is too difficult (its on architectural and historical relevance like. think renaissance shit its very hard to explain but i get it and thats all that matters). i stare at my phone in disbelief. she had half the workload. that leaves exactly 40 hours to get this entire show on the road ALL BY MYSELF. i begin to tweak out

so i have two options at this point

one - i am running on 3 hours of sleep. i can feel my muscles start to seize whenever i stand up. its getting close to the end for me. i do nothing about this and turn the thesis in as is and face embarrassment infront of 75 of my peers

two - i am running on 3 hours of sleep however i conveniently just purchased a case of celsius all for myself yesterday and i have no shame in cracking two open this fine evening. i finish the research in one day and assemble the next, leaving around 10 hours of free time if done correctly

three - cry

i chose option two. duh. so 7am approaches the next day (this morning) and i realize i feel asleep at my desk. MAJOR mood killer as my laptop also died and and i need to charge it before manically speeding off to class before getting my ass whooped by the truant department because ive been tardy EVERY DAY THIS WEEK for reasons unbeknownst to me. i freak out

i get up from my desk. my entire right leg crumples. i feel my hip dislocate. i panic. i shove myself against the wall and hammer a gnarly bruise into my opposite side to knock it back into place. at this point im on the verge of tears and im like shit how am i supposed to drive i need my cane and my leg is so unsupported. i panic AGAIN tripping over myself to grab onto my cane and my desk at the same time and hobble off into my kitchen to discover that its not actually 7am, its 8am. the very conveniently placed analog clock on my desk has never adjusted to daylight savings and is therefore an hour behind. im so unbelievably cooked

at this point its between me going sent straight to the deans for truancy or staying home and giving myself work time. i choose work time

i plop right back down into my little chair and dont leave until it is quite literally dinnertime. its 8pm. i am just now realizing i have spent 12 hours straight at my desk. this is going to be the end of me

i stand up AGAIN this time with the help of my cane and realize my phone was in do not disturb for everyone but dear cherry so i didnt see the bajillion missed calls from my friend saying shes bringing goodies for me. great. i dont even know where she is

she shows up at my door and i look like a hot MESS let me tell you. havent slept in nearly two days. my hair is in disarray because i couldnt be bothered to take it out of the clip from the night before so its half falling out. im wearing a tshirt that says “wait im goated” with a cat on it. truly my most presentable

i open the door for my dear friend and i get showered with insults on how i am literally viktor arcane because of my walking cane. i shrivel up, take the goodies, go back inside and FUCKING TRIP AGAINNNNNNN this time on my GODDAMN CAT so now i feel bad because its like great. i didnt mean to hurt my baby. but i am now immobile on the floor.

i start losing my mind because all work-mode noah could think about was food now. i go to the kitchen. my brother is in there with my dad and they are making grilled cheese sandwiches. i tell them about the day ive had and how if i manage my time wisely i can actually sleep a full 8 hours tomorrow. the world starts to rejoice

my dad gives me a grilled cheese. one thing turns to another and i end up eating a whopping FIVE grilled cheese sandwiches. im ravenous. i start telling my brother about the thesis issue and how my partner backed out two days before the whole thing was due. this thing has been my pride and joy since september. my brother looks me dead in the eyes and goes

“didn’t think i’d be living with kaveh in the flesh, but here we are”

i lose my mind. i realize hes right. the hyperfocus. sleeping at my desk. my goddamn outfit. its all adding up

i somehow managed to embody kaveh for the past 36 hours and i didnt realize until i was way too delirious and sleep deprived to even care if i ate. to say i was shocked was an understatement

so now i sit in my bed contemplating if the thesis is even worth it. (im about to go work on it until tomorrow night. please save me. i didnt think thered be this much work)

anyway. thats my week in a nutshell. i hope this brought you a chortle or two🙁✋

LMAO i approve keep rambling i love it 😹👍

why did that remind me of that one line - let me just, set the scene- from disaster by conan gray lmaooo

oooffff that sucks bro same 😭😭 except my exams r going on rn and oh god 😭 DUDE????? FYM 25 PAGE THESIS. IS THIS WHAT WILL HAPPEN TO ME IN A YEAR WHAT THE ACTUAL HELL. BRO RN IN SCHOOL WE WRITE 400 WORD ESSAY AND SOMEHOW PEOPLE STRUGGLE WITH THAT WHAT R THEY GONNA DO IN UR PLACE LMAO and bro oh my gosh please FOR THE LOVE OF GOD take care of yourself!!!?!?!?! urghhhh i hope u get better soon bc wtf 😭😭

ngl if my thesis partner did that i would show up at her house to kill her /j

12 hours straight at your desk. my dude. are you serious. are your fr. i can literally see why you kin kaveh. go and REST!!!!!! OR ELSE YOULL LITERALLY COLLAPSE AGAIN

indeed that is so absolutely presentable!!!!! NO NOT THE CATTTTT NOOOOOO give the cat hugs from me :((((

IM REJOICING TOO IMMA CHECM UP ON YOU TO MAKE SURE YOU SLEEP 8 HOURS THAT IS ABSOLUTELY WONDERFUL ‼️‼️‼️‼️i literally agree with your brother sm whatt atp i literally think of you and sometimes go kaveh and go wait no your name is noah not kaveh /silly

is it worth your health ⁉️ and my dude thats one FREAKING HELL of a week- TAKE BREAKS TODAY AND TOMORROW. EVEN IF YOU HAVE TO WORK, TAKE SOME BREAKS. BETWEEN WORK. DO. NOT. WORK CONTINUOUSLY FOR HOURS AGAIN. ITS NOT GOOD FOR YOU. ill be watching you. /j 🫤 you darn better take care of yourself. ☹️☹️

[haasegawa]

ok so I'm just gonna vent here for a little while, no need to read this, just skip ahead to the next post

I recently changed jobs, also got promoted from my internship and currently work with marketing and event management for this pretty big company and don't get me wrong, I'm graduating in business, I've worked with marketing for another big company before, I know how things (unfairly) work and I know how stressful this environment can get, that's not even the problem here because I actually quite like my job.

the point is: I got promoted one month ago. that means getting used to working 3 hours more than I did before and with different responsabilities and after just 2 weeks I was already dealing with these big events that I didn't start (so I didn't have the full mechanics) and having to discover how things work by myself because another thing that is very commom within companies is the shit communication. you just gotta make it work and that's fine. these events were a week apart from each other and, on top of them, there was suddenly this huge meeting for a product launch that I had to manage.

two weeks ago, lot of problems along the way, first event happens. and it was atually good that these things piled up because the first event was smaller and great for learning the steps that I'd have to walk for the second bigger event. last week and this second event happens on saturday. spent the entire week mentally getting ready to work for 12+ hours during the event and while a lot of last-minute orders kept coming, I also had to prepare the big launch meeting, that should be ready by friday because it was schedule at freaking 8 am monday (aka today).

needless to say, friday was stressful, friday was very draining for me.

friday I got a fever. went home with this horrible headache, took a pill and had a meal, slept for 10 hours and hoped it was "only" an emotional fever because well I just got promoted, there was no way I could skip working on the big event saturday. I actually woke up feeling better, even with a few flu symptoms showing up, but I could feel myself getting sicker during the event, so I took another pill, shook it off and I made it. woke up the other day knowing that yep I definitely caught the flu and was just feeling very tired after walking the equivalent of 10 kilometers during the event, so I spent my entire sunday napping in between a tv show's ep.

today's product launch meeting happened at 8, so I had to go to work one hour earlier than usual to get the final things in place, voice hoarse, throat hurting, runny nose, but all good! not a problem, I just accepted that I'd be a little less productive after the meeting and people would just have to deal with that. problem is the meeting took up almost all morning and then at like 5 pm my colleagues decided to do a small celebration for my boss' birthday, so everyone stopped working to do it.

and then, during this celebration, I had to listen to one of these ridiculous passive agressive little "jokes" from my boss' boss about how my boss should let her marketing department know that partying is over (quoting the 2 events I dealt with for the past weeks) and that it is time to work now

like seriously??? I was taking work calls on my way home on friday, while having a fever, woke up today coughing out my lungs and got to work an hour earlier (and I did not come home earlier to compensate it) just to hear this bullshit?

hate being sick, hate feeling tired like this and letting these stupid things get to me

[patrickjonesblog]

Top Albums of 2023

Hey, how ya doing? I got sick the last week of 2023 when I intended to write this so here I am in 2024 looking back on some of my favorite long players last year.

I saw so many of my favorite acts in 2023, it was probably the best live music year ever. So much so I spent what felt like a whole morning creating a "reel" on "instagram". The fruits of which you can watch here.

Enough about live music though, this is about wonderful studio recordings, so here's what's made the long list and then we'll kick straight into the top 10 with accompanying videos.

16 - Romy - Mid Air

15- Jessie Ware - That! Feels! Good!

14- Gracie Abrams - Good Riddance

13 - Lana Del Rey - Did you know there's a tunnel under Ocean Blvd?

12 - Bombay Bicycle Club - My Big Day

11 - The Bug Club - Rare Birds: Hour of Song

10 - Young Fathers - Heavy Heavy

If you haven't seen Young Fathers Glastonbury set in 2023, I recommend you do so after you've read this blog. Gutted they cancelled their brooklyn show, but I hope to catch it this year.

9 - Caroline Polachek - Desire, I Want to Turn Into You

Caroline Polacheck is the closest we've got to Kate Bush in 2023, the detail she puts into her visuals and the choreography of her performances, its high art. The track below isn't on the album, but it was the moment I realized her brilliance.

8 - Gorillaz - Cracker Island

This felt like an under the radar release from Gorillaz, at least here in the states. It's the first time Albarn has worked with Greg Kurstin (Adele, Mccartney, Kendrick) and you can hear his influence as it's a bit more poppy than previous releases.

7 - Jeff Rosenstock - Hellmode

If you've read any of my blogs over the past decade you will have seen a lot of appearances from US Punk / Ska legend Jeff. The reason being; he doesn't make bad records.

6 - Sleaford Mods - UK Grim

How do you follow 2021's career highlight Spare Ribs? With more of the same, that's how. 12 albums in to their career now and they're still gathering pace. Blistering, acerbic, hilarious as ever.

5 - The Hives - The Death of Randy Fitzsimmons

The first new music from The Hives in 11 years and they return with a literal bang. This album is as good as anything they came out with when they first charmed their way onto the scene in the early 2000's. The bellies may be podgier, Pelle's kicks aren't as high, but the riffs are as spritely as ever. Still one of the greatest live bands around.

4 - Blur - Ballad of Darren

I always get a bit anxious about a new blur album, they don't have to release new music, they have a back catalog that guarantees them legend status already. Releasing new music risks tainting that legacy so far into their career. I needn't worry, Ballad of Darren is a beautiful record with a legitimate brand new stadium filling anthem to add to their repertoire.

3 - Olivia Rodrigo - GUTS

Bit of a surprise this one, maybe more for me than you dear reader. I didn't get the fuss of the first album (still don't) it sounded like any one of a million young pop darlings. But GUTS is different, it's eclectic, it's beautifully written, it tears at your heart, it raises your fists, it makes you dance. It has everything really. She's the real deal. It's objectively not made for a 42 year old man, but great music is great music and I bloody love this.

2 - Jenny Lewis - Joy'All

It was a tough call between this and Olivia, but i've given it to Jenny for the 20+ years experience she has on the young upstart. Jenny Lewis is maturing into a fine groove, she's replaced Ryan Adams as a much more palletable country-folk spot in my heart. Her songwriting continues to get better with age.

1 - The National - First Two Pages of Frankenstein | Laugh Track

Stadium filling, Taylor Swift collaborating, David Letterman approved super band The National. It's a wild trajectory my favorite band has taken over the last few years. No longer critically acclaimed everyones favorite unheard of band, they're rightly at the upper table of indie-rock and its fully deserved. Not satisfied with releasing one beautiful record this year they follow it up soon after with the surprise Laugh Track an equally brilliant album in its own right. Most bands would kill to have one record this good in their whole career, its frankly not fair they can do two this good in a year. A joint number one for me as I can't separate them.

There you have it, 2023 all wrapped up, full of BIG acts with a smattering of newbies thrown in for good measure and probably the most female representation I've had in an end of year list.

You can hear these and LOADS more in my 2023 playlist.

And if you like any of this and trust my judgement follow my 2024 playlist which I curate throughout the year adding newly released tracks.

Aaaaaand away...

[darkarfs]

So! I don't go to many concerts by myself, especially on the outskirts. The busses don't run that late and the trip usually isn't worth it. One of the things I like to do at concerts is check who is wearing what. I like spotting things like who bought a shirt there, who's wearing what and what for. Counting how many have conflicting shirts on (Devin Townsend, Animals as Leaders and Dream Theater were playing the same night at a venue 3 hours away), curious things like that. Like, seeing a Ne Obliviscaris hoodie in the wild is fun. Thinking to myself "I didn't know Pain of Salvation had t-shirts." Seeing the old heads in Scorpions and Megadeth t-shirts. I spotted two people that I'm guessing were being "funny" wearing, respectively, a Tom Jones and a Barbara Streisand shirt. Oh, you cards! You pixies! Feh. Aren't YOU interesting. I kid, for the most part. Whether or not I care to admit it, these are my people. Metal crowds are, far and away, the most accepting crowds I have ever been around. Unless yous aw Drudkh in their heyday. Rivers of Nihil are a technical/prog death metal band from nearby Reading. They were fine, but they are also one of those bands whose songs tend to blend together after like, the 4th one. In fairness, I've seen them before, and the last time I saw them was around 2018, and they had a saxophone player. They were very good, but I wasn't engaged. Thank You Scientist are a high-pitched yelly modern prog band. Their singer looks like a cross between Bunsen Honeydew and Mike Doughty and sounds like that doofus from Coheed and Cambria. The band, especially the saxophone player, looked and sounded like they were having the time of their LIVES. Airtight, doodly fun, but not especially the kind of music I tend to enjoy. Still, they had a great energy and enthusiasm. And they were nice guys. Everyone was there for Between the Buried and Me. I didn't realize that this was the tour commemorating the 10 year anniversary of the Parallax II: Future Sequence, their 2012 album, which meant they were probably going to play that one, start to finish. Confirmed. Not especially familiar with MOST of that album, but there were people singing along to ALL OF IT and I was at once impressed and surprised that this band had this obsessive a fanbase (I am clearly a dumbshit), but it was really enjoyable. It helped that they had these 5 massive LED screens behind them essentially playing HD Koyaanisqatsi footage of things like deserts and cities and hawks catching fish out of the water and new planets with rings and coronas and solar flares and astronauts and galaxies and that they were perfectly timed with every riff and drum fill. It was incredibly well-timed and choreographed. They also strobed rainbow lights directly at my eyeline every 8 seconds and it gave me a migraine 3 songs in. Also, aside from the 25-minute bus ride, I had essentially been on my feet since 6:30 that morning and my feet were dying. I was running out of gas. Two minutes into the second-to-last song ("Silent Flight Parliament"), the lights drop to black. I, maybe alone, thought that they would come back up in a crescendo, based on the light show. But no, ALL of the lights are out. The only thing you can hear is the drummer because he hasn't stopped. Cell phone lights are brandished. Event staff take the stage, people are booing. They finally get everyone calmed down enough to tell them that a transformer exploded, knocking out the power to half of the neighborhood, and that we are to evacuate in an orderly fashion. More booing, people somehow get sweatier. We get outside and it's like the Omega Man, except with a slight rainy haze. There are no lamps or signs, only phones and headlights providing any illumination. Police sirens EVERYWHERE. Thank God I had a ride home. My apprehensions about going, turns out, were absolutely correct, but I'm very glad I went all the same. If nothing else, I got my shirts. :)

[wososage]

I hate when people check in on me emotionally through written communication. I have no clue how to respond. I was on a research trip last week a mix of professors, undergrads, grads, and the main academic advisor for this department where most of the time we did not have cell phone service or wifi. literally while we were still in the airport on the way there some shit went down with my family. i end up having like 6 panic attacks in 4 days because of it. all of the real adults are hyper aware that something is going on in my life but they don't want to push me to share because they just want me to be happy on the trip. but a few fun things happen.

1: i literally pass out in the vehicle because of a panic attack while we were stopped for road construction and then everyone in my vehicle just had to chill on the side of the road for like and hour until i could handle getting back in the car.

2: later the same day at like 10 pm we are driving to the campground we are staying in for the night and then we have to pull over so i can throw up for twenty minutes (it was fine though because there were many shooting stars)

3: one day when we are in a city we are eating at a nice restaurant and I order a plate of rice and nothing else. i wasn't doing great because loud restaurant and then the people near me were drinking so i spent the entire meal sitting outside the restaurant and then after dinner one of the drunk people came up to me and asked very loudly if i was trans then i freaked out

4: we were at one of our stops and everyone was doing the stuff they were supposed to then i just started sobbing. i ended up going for a short walk in the woods with the advisor (who was also the person who was driving my vehicle during both panic attacks) and shared a little bit of what was going on and her reaction was 'we could have flown you home to see your family' and then i started sobbing harder because that is actually not what is best for anyone in my family.

5: later that day after sunset we were driving to our next hotel (roughly 2 hour drive) and im having a panic attack because of communication that has occured between me and my family but this time i don't pass out or ask for the vehicle to be pulled over. advisor notices tries to get my attention to see what it going on but i am completely paralized. eventually she pulls us into a gas station and has to physically pull me out the the vehicle and sit me on the ground and the other humans in the vehicle are insanely confused. anyways i eventually share a bit more about what was going on with my family while we were still at the gas station.

so that brings us to this morning where i woke because my advisor emailed me something along these lines:

"i hope things have been okay since the trip has ended. im sorry things with your family is tense. im glad i got to know you more and i hope you were able to have some fun. i look forward to seeing you around."

truthful honest questoins for those of you who made it this far:

1: should i just ignore this email?

2: if i respond what do i even say? because things have gotten more complicated and i am dealing with a lot

3: how do i interact with her when i inevitable see her a few times a week for the next 3 months?

[thoughts-feelings-musings]

29.6.23

It’s like 3:30am. Slept at like 10 and woke up at 2. 12 hours shift yesterday and another today.

And then Friday. What to say about Friday. A weird sort of calm and stress has set in simultaneously.

I can do this.

I don’t have to do this.

It’s my flat. I can choose how long he stays.

I can say yes and then say no.

I’d like to give this a fair shake. I’m scared of it though.

Scared of myself, my body, my inexperience. My my my. So me focussed. So inward. Look outward for once dumbass.

I’m scared of feeling used. Maybe I do already. I think some of this feels empowering and my wires are crossed. Does it really matter? Stop with the perfectionist attitude to it. It can be shit. You can be used. You’ll fucking survive. It’s not an excuse to tolerate mistreatment but it’s a major hang up. I’ll never try these things for the fear of abuse and advantage-taking and all of that. And then I’ll miss out on what could be good stuff.

How do you even kiss another person? I’ll have to ask. Oh god. Admitting I don’t know something aka my worst nightmare. Greatest fear and weakness and inability.

He’s cute though. I get shy. I’ll probably cover my face a lot.

I need to strike a balance between my inner performer and my true self. Middle ground.

Does everyone overthink sex this much? The relationship thing just isn’t going to happen- not that he knows that- so I don’t have many hang ups there.

I+A are right though, I’m likely to hurt people with my approach. I am using people for experience and as test subjects. I am morally bankrupt and destined to be my mother.

No I’m not. I refuse to be. Yes, I’m slightly immoral and fucked in the head but I’m not my mother and I never will be. I’ll never be my father. I won’t hurt people in a preemptive strike. I won’t hurt people by being careless with them.

So what will I do? State it in the positive, like you’ve been taught your whole life to do.

I’ll be intentional and communicative about my thoughts, feelings, needs and wants. I’ll be me- all of what that means. What does that mean?

Me:

Silly

Fun

Dramatic

Bright

Chipper

Open

Excitable

Sensitive

God I don’t know how to describe me.

Humans are weird so it’s ok I am too. Being human is ok.

He hasn’t gotten laid in like 6 months so hopefully he’ll just be so blissed out about it that I won’t even cross his mind.

God what do you sound like? Is this years of feminism at work? No! Get a grip woman. But the light misogyny of that thought is comforting in a “well, told you that’s how men are, you’re fine!” way. The predictability of being used and abused is a comfort I’m longing for.

What is wrong with me? So much. Nothing. Nothing at all.

Only a matter of time now. Roll on Friday. At least I’m working in the morning. I’ll argue with my boss that I work fri PM.

New things. Terrifying. Exciting. Aaaaah.

[kpopwerewolf]

Daydreaming

Hey, so does anyone else have trouble staying in the Now? Like, when you catch yourself daydreaming/mind wandering and you sternly tell yourself to stop and focus/continue with whatever tasks you were doing or about to do, but then 5 minutes later and your still sitting there with your thoughts elsewhere?

I conceptualize this as not being in the Now, which is basically just everyday living stuff. You know, being present and aware and all that. I don't know if there's a technical term for this.

I've been struggling with this for a while now. Basically ever since 2020. That was when schooling was put online, which really messed with my regulatory systems. It got to the point where I didn't want to get up and face the day and the school panic/struggle that came with it, and I found myself daydreaming while laying in bed after waking up. It was only for about an hour at first, but then it started stretching to longer and longer periods, at one point even lasting 3 hours from 7 to 10 am!

Even today, when there was absolutely no stressors, I daydreamed until 10:30 or 10:40 after waking up, and when I went downstairs, my mom was really passive aggressive about it (she's been telling me I need to get up earlier) and said, "Good morning. Though it's almost noon." And like, yeah, I know. It's late to be getting up. I'm sorry. I got some food (in between "breakfast" and "lunch" in manner), but then found myself daydreaming after I'd eaten, too. I was just sitting there, unable to pull myself back into the Now for a good 10 to 15 minutes.

I've heard about maladaptive daydreaming, and I was wondering if this might be it? If it's not, does anyone know what it might be? Even if the only answer is "it's called daydreaming and everyone experiences it"/"it's called needing self-control over thought regulation" then fine. I just want to know what this is. Also, if anyone knows how to turn this feature off, great. Please share.

[aahsokaatano]

Thank you @violence-as-a-love-language for enabling me

Okay so for a short period of time I worked in the hellscape that is the Lowe's nightshift. My team consisted of eight other people (one of which nearly killed most of us at one point or another, but that's another story) including our manager and we had three stores that we rotated between roughly every 2-3 days. Each of these three stores had its own permanent night crew - this is important later.

We will call the members of my team Cindy, Jessie, Travis, Sam, Jethro, Eric, and our manager, Brenda. These are not their real names, but I need to call them something for the sake of the story. Eric was the one that almost killed several of us, as a reference point.

So at Store A there was one guy on the permanent crew who was uh. A little odd. Which is fine, generally, except his version of "a little odd" was "fixate on a female-presenting coworker for a month or so and make everyone uncomfortable". As I was not out to my coworkers and unable to bind at work due to the very physical aspects of the job, I was presenting as more "butch lesbian" than anything else, but that apparently didn't dissuade this guy. After about a month on the job, he suddenly realized there was a new person with boobs on the rotating team, and I became his new fixation.

The first night I became aware of That Guy, I was working in the same aisle as my manager, Brenda, but at opposite ends (I have many complaints about how Brenda handled certain things, but I respect the hell out of her for actually working the same jobs as the rest of the team 9.5/10 days). He tried to engage me in small talk and I politely but firmly shut him down bc I was. Y'know. Busy working. I mentioned it later to Cindy, who was around my age (mid-to-late 20s), and she explained that he did that to literally all of the "women" working who were in or around their 20s (That Guy seemed to be about 19 or 20 himself).

Cindy also said that when he had fixated on her, he hadn't believed she was married until her husband literally showed up one morning to drive her home.

I rolled my eyes and pretty much forgot about it until like a week and a half later, when we were back at that store and I noticed that That Guy was low-key stalking me through the store - every time I went to a different aisle to look for or restock a particular product, he just happened to need to also be in that area. But he didn't try to talk to me again because I was working all night with Jethro, who was a grumpy old bastard but liked me because I came into the job already knowing how to use power tools lmao

So, jumping forward about another two weeks, back in Store A once more. The entire team is in the paint aisles bc the paint aisles are hell on earth. Manager Brenda walks off at one point to do a small job in another part of the store by herself, and when she comes back about an hour later, she is very amused and explains to the rest of us that That Guy had approached her (ballsy fuckin' move, I'll give him that) and asked who, and I am quoting as directly as I can remember here because it is VITAL to the story, "the girl with the bouncy blonde hair" was

Now. Nightshift does not wear name tags. We had them, as part of company policy, but everyone pretty much kept them on their backpacks rather than our persons. And in the course of the job, it wasn't unusual to wander pretty damn far from your bag, so it's not surprising he didn't know anyone's name.

But let's very quickly give a rundown of the three female-presenting people on the team who were not Manager Brenda:

Cindy, mid-to-late 20s, with shoulder-length pin straight hair that was dyed purple

Jessie, mid 60s, with semi-curly blonde hair halfway down her back that she usually had either loose or in a ponytail

Me, mid 20s, with a dark blonde/light brunette undercut that was, at most, 4 inches long at the top and no curls at that length

So you can see why Brenda tells him "oh, that's Jessie"

She's pretty amused, as are the rest of us - Jessie in particular has a good laugh and jokes that maybe she can pass him off to her daughter instead - and we get on with our work.

The next night, we're more spread out. I'm working with a few other people in one aisle, setting up displays, and Travis is working alone in a different aisle. He tells us during lunch break that That Guy approached him and asked if Jessie was single. Travis told him that he wasn't sure, but he did know that she had a couple of kids. We laugh about it again, tell Jessie she's a MILF, explain what a MILF is, and she cackles all the way out the door for her post-lunch smoke.

Jumping forward THREE weeks this time, we're back at Store A, and I am alone in the drawer pull section, which is The Worst Job according to most of my team, but I am neurodivergent and sorting 150+ different styles of drawer handles into the correct little bins is actually really delightful, so I'm genuinely having a great time.

Just down the aisle from me is Jessie, who is organizing a different section. We're far enough apart that we can't really carry on a conversation, so we're both listening to our own music with earbuds as we work.

I'm closest to the end of the aisle, so when That Guy approaches me and says "Jessie?", I assume that he's looking for her and say "oh, yeah, she's down there."

EXCEPT

All I get out is "oh, yeah -" and he launches into a fucking Speech about how he thinks I am Very Attractive and It's So Cool I'm A Mom (I am not) and Do I Like Italian and he knows a Very Good Italian Place Nearby (we are an hour away from my house. Store A is literally the furthest from all of the team's houses except for Brenda.) and just general word vomit about how he wants to Get With Me.

I stare at him in utter bewilderment for several moments because it is 3 in the morning, the ambient temperature in the store is about 4 degrees above freezing, that's not my name, I am not a parent of any sort, and while I might be as gay as a tree of monkeys on nitrous oxide, That Guy is 100% straight, and he thinks I am a cis woman. Also, he appears to be just enough younger than me that I probably could have babysat him when I was a teenager.

Finally my mouth starts working again and what comes out, without any conscious thought on my part, is "I have a boyfriend."

YES THAT'S RIGHT, RATHER THAN DISPELLING ANY OF HIS MISCONCEPTIONS, I JUST ADD A NEW LIE TO THE PILE FOR REASONS UNKNOWN TO MYSELF OR ANYONE ELSE

Somehow, this works better for me than it did for Cindy (maybe because of my fictional children?) that That Guy mumbles something unintelligible that could possibly pass as an apology if my mostly deaf grandfather heard it, and scurries away.

I stand there for a few more minutes, confused at myself and the entire situation, and then trot down the aisle to relay the whole thing to Jessie, who is laughing so hard she's almost crying by the time I finish.

UNBEKNOWNST TO US, That Guy has retreated to the other side of the store and run into another member of our team, Sam. Sam is a very nice guy, mid to late 50s by my estimation, and keeps to himself to the point where it was a game between him, Travis, and Cindy where they would try to trick him into admitting when his birthday was so they could bring in some cookies, and he would refuse to tell them or give increasingly silly answers

one time he said "February 30th" and Travis got very excited for all of 2 seconds before realizing That's Not A Thing lmao. I tell you this so that you understand that Sam enjoys fucking with people, and he wields his power of a perfect deadpan delivery for delightful chaos.

So, That Guy runs into Sam and says, apropos of nothing from Sam's perspective, "did you know Jessie has a boyfriend???"

When Sam tells the rest of us this before the end-of-shift meeting, while we're waiting for Brenda to give us the okay to leave, he gives us a demonstration of the blank look he gave That Guy when he responds "you didn't?"

And that was how my coworkers, manager, and myself all accidentally gaslit a creep at work into thinking that I was a completely different person

does anyone want to hear about the time my entire team at work unintentionally gaslit a guy from another department who was trying to flirt with me

[sukirichi]

reckless [01.]

With a lackadaisical playboy as your boss, being reckless wasn’t an option. But on the one time you let loose and made mistakes, your life is shattered, and now you’re playing house with your insufferable boss who is the father of your baby.

✘ cw. explicit smut, accidental pregnancy, playboy! gojo, slight angst

✘ note. dedicated to wifey @7tsumurai​ who also made the banner and always supports me and showers me with love aaaa i love you baby <3 also this fic is mostly romance and fluff so i hope you enjoy this as much as i did writing it! thank you to @chosonore​ for pr-ing UWU. and we get like...10-15 chapters of this?!

one  ✘  two  ✘  three

You shouldn’t be doing this.

The night was young; streaks of gold flashing with the shimmering jewellery collared on your neck, the romantic humming of the violins pairing perfectly with the champagne that fizzed in your hand. It was supposed to be another day at work where you accompanied your boss to one of his events, considering the Casanova refused to bring his girlfriends in fear they might get the wrong idea he liked them outside the bed. It should be just another day at work; you’ve accompanied him hundreds of times before. Today wasn’t any different.

And yet it was.

You blamed it on the alcohol. On the slow dancing. On the fact he hadn’t stopped complimenting you all night and you’d been so stressed, the amount of planning and sleepless nights sacrificed in exchange of preparing for this event made you grab for three more flutes, the touch of your undeniable attractive boss permanent on your waist.

Satoru was equally aggravated. You’d worked him long enough to recognize even the smallest of cues, and the fact you’d spend nearly every hour of the day working with him for weeks straight in the office let you know he needed to let off some steam.

And what better way to relieve both of your tensions if not to give in to the cloud of lust?

The sultry gazes, the clashing perfumes between rose and musk, and the alcohol – the fucking alcohol – that gave way to you succumbing to your desire just this once.

There were no more thoughts – or if there were, they were muddled – as you kissed him back just as passionately, forgetting the fact his stylist spent an hour gelling his hair back to perfection as your eager fingers traced over his scalp. How you ended up in the back of limousine was beyond you, and neither was it your biggest concern when Satoru insisted you kept your heels on; his large hands caressing all the way from the ankle pressed beside his waist up to your waist.

You felt his daft fingers move the lacy thong you wore especially for tonight (not because you expected something, but the boost in confidence felt necessary) before he slides inside almost too easily.

Both your gasps and moans are swallowed in the stuffy compartment, windows fogged saved for the handprint you’d left when he hit a sensitive spot. He was moaning in your neck, skin slippery and sweaty as you slid from one another, seemingly never staying from one place as your hands treaded through his hair down to rake your nails on his back; his touch angry on your hips before his thumb found home in your clit.

As much as you hated him, hated his reputation, you couldn’t deny he really earned his title for being an absolute god in sex. You were no virgin, but you’d never felt this good, never felt this alive as bruises began to form in your skin and his lips hungrily sought out yours.

“S-Sir...”

“Satoru,” he corrected through your lips, the kiss barely even one when you were too busy moaning left and right. Satoru hitched your leg up to fold it right beside your waist, allowing him to explore deeper territories that not even you could mark.

His stare on you is perverted; openly wanton as he lets his empyrean gaze snake down to where your bodies connected. It was embarrassing to be this spread wide open for him, though it didn’t matter much, not when you clutched onto his bicep for dear life and panted breathlessly. He was kissing you everywhere – smearing your lipstick all over your lips and his, a stain of red on his hard, white collar and love bites marked deep into your collarbones and under your breasts. You tightened around him once he changed his rhythm into a more sensual one; the quick pace replaced with him pulling out slowly – inch by delicious inch until you felt empty with each growing second – before slamming back inside with fervidity that he never quite possessed behind his desk.

He groaned at your walls clenching down on him, his hips stuttering in the process. “Call me Satoru.”

“Satoru,” you moaned out, and his next sounds were pained. Pained because you sounded too gorgeous, felt too good, and with you following his hips thrust by thrust, neither of you would last any longer. Not even as you shake your head, lips swollen as you remind him, “We shouldn’t be doing this.”

“We shouldn’t,” he agreed with a curled lip, sweat beading from the streaks of his white hair. “But I want you – god, you’re so beautiful tonight. Need to fuck you good—”

Gojo Satoru, one of the most eligible bachelors in the entire South East Asia and ranked as the second richest man in his early twenties, was a man of his word despite his reputation. Just as he was praised and fawned over for his beauty, charisma, and power, he was equally hated for breaking the hearts of women and treating his past ‘lovers’ like they were objects. The news were so confident of it; that he fooled them, played around with them, but behind the scenes, you knew Satoru wouldn’t do such a thing – from the first time he laid his eyes on someone, he made it extremely clear they were not to be attached. Everything with him was physical and sensual – anything beyond that would simply be out of character.

You weren’t surprised that he really did keep his word and fuck you good, because you couldn’t feel your legs the next morning and even though it had been hours, you still very much felt the shape of him carve through you.

The bastard wouldn’t stop laughing, of course, snickering under his breath every now and then each time he saw you grimace from doing simple things such as standing up and giving him the files he asked for. Perhaps it was because your dislike for him was apparent that Satoru quickly went back to fooling around, pretending you didn’t exist and only approaching you when need be. There were still moments you had to clean his mess up for him; taking his drunken phone calls at 3am because he got wasted in a bar, or doing the same for his current sex buddy who he didn’t want to stay in his home.

He was terrible, terribly awful that you despised this part of him.

You were only grateful enough that neither of you brought that night up ever again, for no matter how immensely hellish of an experience it had been, it was also something you’d really rather not be reminded of.

But now, there was no more running away from it. The truth stared at you blatantly in the form of two white lines that had appeared four times already from previous tests.

You were pregnant.

The world had never been that heavy on you. You had a rough upbringing, but it was a household filled with love and patience that it was innate in your nature to keep strong, be levelled, continue moving forward even during the times it felt like everyone and everything was going against you. You’d been through so much worse and you can do this, but you still couldn’t stop the tears that pushed from your eyes, your heart shattering the same time you dropped the stick.

“No, we won’t cry, it’s okay. I can handle this – I’m strong,” you repeated to yourself like a mantra, taking deep breaths to stabilize yourself. Clearly, this was unexpected, but you wanted to do your best, had to do your best. You didn’t have time to lose your composure, so you quickly fished your phone out your purse to dial the person you trusted the most.

“Rei...?”

Your best friend picked up on the second dial. “Sweetheart, where have you been?! I’ve been calling you for like hours now and you’re not picking up, I heard you called in sick for work and you never do that even when you’re about to pass out!” Some shuffling could be heard from the background before she spoke again, her tone a lot more gentle in response to your muted sniffles. “Is there something going on? Do you need me to drop by there right now? Tell me what you need; I’ll be there right away.”

“No, no, Rei, it’s fine, I just...”

“Sweetie,” she sighed, “You know you can tell me anything, right?”

You nodded even though she couldn’t see it. Rei had been there for you in everything, starting from when you newly arrived in the city; fresh-eyed and hopeful for new opportunities. She’d been there when you first complained your boss was a creepy flirt, all the way until you’d made peace with said boss and remained firm in your boundaries. But those boundaries had clearly been crossed – no, rather, you erased those boundaries. You were drunk enough to give in to the need to be touched, but sober enough to consent to everything that happened. You couldn’t place this all on him.

“I’m pregnant,” you said eventually, voice barely above a whisper as you added, “And Satoru’s the father.”

Rei stopped munching on her – you assume – bagel.

“Satoru? Gojo Satoru, your boss, bonafide casanova, the face on billboards and one of the most “eligible” bachelors in the country, billionaire Gojo Satoru?” she let out in one breath, the image of her flipping her hand out in the air in disbelief as clear as day. “Am I really hearing this right? I’m not going crazy, am I?”

You sighed.

“We were drunk. I slept with him.”

“Did that bastard force himself on you?”

“No, gosh, never,” you defended with widened eyes, sitting back down on the toilet with the lid now closed. You couldn’t look at the tests even if you dared yourself to, the plastic bag concealed in the garbage or else you’d feel sick all over again. “I-I wanted it too...we just got carried away and the night was just...I don’t know. I don’t know what came over me and why I did that, but there’s no point in fretting about it because I’m carrying his baby now.”

“Well,” she started unsurely, “What are you going to do?”

“I’m keeping it. There’s no way I would even consider abortion.”

“But what about him?”

The back of your head throbbed in pain. Just thinking about his stupidly handsome face made you want to throw up once more. “I don’t really want to tell him, but he has a right to know that he’s going to be a father.”

“Will he even take responsibility for it?”

You swallowed nervously, nibbling on your thumbnails before snatching your hand away. Composure was something you didn’t struggle with; you were the more reliable one in the duo of you and Satoru, but you had a bad habit of picking on your nails whenever you were anxious. Had it not been for Satoru flicking your nails away from your mouth each time you dazed out a little bit, you would’ve never gotten rid of the habit, but it all came crashing back down on you in an instant.

A heavy knot formed in your belly.

“Most likely not, I know how he’s like. He loves his single life so much that he’d never allow to be tied down like this. I wouldn’t even be surprised if he tells me he doesn’t want it.”

“What an asshole!”

“Yeah, he is, but I don’t need him in my life,” you reinstated, finally feeling more confident the longer you talked to Rei. She was your instant hype machine in more ways than one; her presence itself gave you the reassurance you could handle everything your way. With hope blooming in your chest, you picked yourself of the toilet and wiped away your tears. You could do this – you can handle this. Not just for you, but this baby growing in you as well.

“In our life. I’m more than capable of taking care of the baby myself,” you told her, gaze hard and determined as your sunken reflection stared back at you in the mirror. Sighing, you shook your head and pictured Satoru’s face, already picturing a thousand ways this could go wrong. Only one way to find out.

“I have to go now. He needs to hear about this and then I’ll resign. Probably move back home – anywhere that’s away from him.”

“Doesn’t the baby deserve to meet their dad?”

“Their dad doesn’t even want to be one,” you muttered bitterly and threw your sweater back on, refusing to kick yourself around any harder. Now wasn’t the time to be illogical; you were now a mother and had to be responsible now more than ever. But first, you needed some well-deserved rest after endless agonizing of missing your period, along with the baby drop that until now, had shook you to your core. “I’ll call you back, Rei. I’m very tired.”

“You let me know if you need anything, okay?” Humming in response, you ended the call and crawled back to bed.

It wasn’t that you felt lonely, but you didn’t feel particularly belonging anywhere. You were far from home in a city that felt like the future, and each day you come home, it was mostly just a place to rest before you went back to work the next day. It was a dull, empty routine that you’d gotten used to, but never had it sunk deep into you that you did felt completely hollow.

But not anymore.

You were with your baby now, and as much as it scared you shitless to be a mother with zero preparation and knowledge, you were confident things were going to be okay.

Wrapping an arm around your belly, you had the best sleep you’d had in years.

You’d just have to worry about tomorrow. Hopefully, and you quite prayed harder than you ever did before, Satoru would let you go and keep things less complicated than it already was.

“No,” Satoru shook his head, his words dropping like a heavy boulder in the middle of nowhere. You stood in front of him shock still, hands wrung solid beneath your belly. Satoru merely shook his head, brushing back his gelled hair with a dry laugh. “No, what are you even thinking? You’re not resigning.”

You pursed your lips. “I wasn’t really asking for permission, Sir.”

Truth be told, you expected this sort of reaction from him. It may be true that you and Satoru never got along in personal levels since he was too crass and you much stiff, but it couldn’t be denied you worked well together. You balanced each other’s flaws and brought out the best in one another. If someone had asked you years ago prior to you being employed by the heir if you could even tame the renowned free spirited man, you would’ve said probably not, but after sharing struggles and quite literally forcing one another to do better, you both reached highs neither expected to achieve.

It was an experience and a whole lot lessons learned working with him.

Unfortunately, all things must come to an end, and you had to leave even if Satoru negated to it.

“We’ve been working together for years. Do you know how many people I fired and have resigned all because they’re not equipped for the job?” he plopped down atop his desk, loosening his tie out of frustration. The simple gesture made you swallow and look away – it felt impossible to look at him any other way than a boss now that you had his baby inside you. Thankfully, Satoru was mouthy as usual that he pulled you back from your train of thoughts as he gestured between the both of you. “You and I are perfectly compatible – I can’t let you go like that. I’m sorry, but I need you. There’s no one else I can work with this functionally. No one else is as willing to tolerate my bullshit except you and...I need you to stay.”

You clenched your teeth at the desperation in his voice.

Satoru admitting he needed people was one thing. But him asking others to stay? It may have just been for your value as the only person who had put up with him in both his best and worst times that made him feel that way, but you had to keep your foot down on the ground.

You wouldn’t let him sway you like this.

Taking a deep breath, you closed your eyes and willed all your energy to spring forth. “Sir...I’m more than thankful for all the opportunities, it truly was a pleasure working with you but—”

“Is this because we slept together?” he cut you off, your shoulders tensing. Upon your silence, Satoru heaved himself away from the desk and took cautious step towards you, stopping a foot away when you stepped back defensively.

You almost wished you didn’t know him so well. His eyes shone with a flicker of hurt before he masked it just as quick as it had came – for Gojo Satoru was a master of many things, and a great actor was one of them. Cautious, you had to be cautious, and you clenched your fists behind your pencil skirt as you tore your gaze away from his pleading ones. “It is, isn’t it?” he affirmed with a clear of his throat, looking just as lost as you did. Satoru stuttered for a minute before he eventually composed himself, but even then, he didn’t sound half as sure as he wanted to be.

“Listen, whatever happened that night, we can forget about it if you want. We’re both adults and professionals – we can put this aside us and just go back to normal. You don’t have feelings for me, right? So then it shouldn’t be a big deal.”

“Satoru...it’s not like that.”

“Then what is it?” he demanded, aggravated. Satoru began to round his desk and pulling out little white envelopes, stacking them before you in a haste. “Do you want a pay raise? A new car so you could get to work easily? O-or perhaps a bigger house where you can work more comfortably, somewhere nearer to the office? All you have to do is tell me and I’ll give you what you want. There’s no need for you to resign, this company has given you everything and we’ve got so much offer just as you could still be great—”

“I’m pregnant.”

Satoru’s slender fingers halted around the pen hovering over a cheque slip. “What?”

“I said I’m pregnant,” you exhaled, biting down on your bottom lip to prevent yourself from quivering. A quick sweep from your face to gather sincerity trailed down to your belly, staring at you hard enough as if he had the ability to look through your soul. “And you’re the father.”

“Is that true? Is...is it really mine?”

“Yes sir,” you nodded, “I’m not telling you this because I expect that you’ll be responsible for it. No offense, sir, but I’d really rather raise the baby alone. Plus, I understand that you’ll never settle down or suddenly abandon your old ways just to—”

“Stop right there,” he raised a palm, “You mean to tell me you’re resigning because you thought I wouldn’t take responsibility for it? For you?”

The hurt in his voice and expressions were evident, lip curled in disgust; not for you, but rather of himself. Satoru was the type of man that couldn’t be withered down even with the harshest of rumours; you’d never seen him be affected before by tabloids and nasty ex-girlfriends who only slept with him for money or fame, only to talk smack about him afterwards. But now, he was crumbling before you, and you didn’t know quite what to say or feel over the vulnerability present in his cerulean eyes. It almost pained you know that you caused this – for the comforting, blue sky to be tainted with a thunderstorm that hinted of anger, of disappointment, of betrayal.

But could he blame you for not thinking the best of him?

“I’ve worked with you for years, sir, I know you.”

“Clearly not well enough,” he chuckled sarcastically, “Admittedly, I’m surprised, but not upset. The only thing that I’m upset about is that you actually believed it would be better to raise the baby – our baby – alone like I don’t even have a right to be in their life. Sure, it was an accident, but we made that. That’s our child and I’m going to take care of you and be a great father, even if you don’t think I’m capable of it.”

“Sir, I didn’t mean—”

“That’s the first time you said something stupid. That’s our baby. We’re a family now,” Satoru’s hesitance had vanished into thin air as he was on you the next instant, hands shaky before they landed on your shoulders. It was meant to be a comforting gesture; a reassuring one, yet you couldn’t help but flinch and falter under his gaze. As if getting the message, he quickly retracted his hands and shoved them deep inside his pockets with a sigh. “You don’t need to resign or worry about anything else. I promise I’ll give you both the life you deserve, just...just please don’t go. Now that I know we have a baby, there’s just no way I can let go of this and pretend I never heard of this at all.”

You swallowed, rubbing your sweaty palms on your skirt.

Out of all the different scenarios you stayed up late at night to turning your head in one by one, none of them included this. Undeniably, he was an asshole to most, but maybe he was right.

He hadn’t done anything wrong to you and he was still the father of your baby; he deserved a chance. Satoru had the right to be the father he was willing to be. You could already tell this might completely turn into one big mess, but his eyes were so hopeful, his smile so nervous yet expectant that you couldn’t help but say –

“Okay,” you relented.

His reaction was instantaneous. Satoru beamed and lounged at you, arms wide open for an embrace before realizing at the last second you could stab him with a pen and not regret it. One warning glare sent his way and he was retracing his arm behind his head, pretending to stretch with an off-tune whistle.

The sudden switch between pained and enthusiastic gave you whiplash, but you really shouldn’t be surprised. This was Gojo Satoru in the first place – he was as unpredictable as nothing was permanent and lasting to him.

It could be both a blessing and a curse.

For the sake of your baby, you genuinely hoped it was the former.

Not wanting him to get too ahead of himself since you still didn’t trust him enough, you raised a finger to poke him in the chest. Right now, you were no longer his secretary that openly despised him but added six sugar cubes in his coffee just as he liked anyway, but rather a woman who shared this mess with him, and as the mother of his child. You had to be strong. Being with Satoru felt like playing with fire, and you had far too much at stake – both of you did – but you weren’t privileged and fortunate like Satoru. One bad thing thrown his way could be brushed off, but for you? Everything you worked hard for could disappear just like that.

If you really chose now to play with fire, you had to be careful not to be the gasoline that ignited things to burn down into ashes.

“Satoru,” you stressed with your lips pressed into a thin line, “The only thing I expect from you is to be is a good father to our child. I know that it would be difficult for you to be a new person in a day and that your old habits won’t die right away, so please do what you can to be a good parent, and I’ll be with you every step of the way. I promise you don’t have to worry about me getting in the way of your life as well.”

His smile slowly vanished.

“Is that how low you really think of me?” he echoed rather sadly, “That I would still sleep around knowing I’ve got a family now?”

“We’re not a family, Sir. I have no intentions of marrying you nor would I ever want it. I’m just staying for the baby.”

“Fine. For the baby, let’s both do our best,” he crossed his arms on his chest, pumping out the hard muscles from how tight his shirt was. You were stuck between wanting to slap him or be closer to him; the hormones too much of a mess that you had to grip your thigh for restraint. “But tomorrow, you’re moving in with me. I’m going to take care of you from now on – I’ll get you whatever you need so whatever it is, just tell me. My credit card is yours to use as well.”

Move in with him? You wanted to laugh. That was the last thing you would want to happen.

“Sir, it’s fine, I’m capable of taking care of myself.”

“I didn’t say you weren’t, but I want to take care of you both,” he reiterated, growing slightly annoyed from your rigidness. You professed that you were being difficult right now, but it was much better than being easy around someone like him.

“We don’t have to be friends or lovers, alright? I know you don’t see me that way and I’m probably repulsive in your eyes – which is understandable since you always clean my mess up for me – but as a father, at least, let me do my job. There doesn’t have to be anything between us other than a mutual want to be good parents. Is that alright with you?”

You mulled the thought over in your head. So he was capable of being sensible sometimes, and after a few moments of silence, you narrowed your eyes at him.

Still suspicious and your guard was most definitely still up, but he was right. You both had a mutual want to be good parents and that was the most important thing right now. Everything else that complicated matters would be handled afterwards.

“I’m okay with that, but I would have to set down lots of boundaries if I’m living with you.”

“So you’ll really stay with me then?” You regretted nodding in response because Satoru was now fishing his phone out, a goofy smile on his face.

He took the news...surprisingly well, and you didn’t know what to make of it.

“Perfect! I’ll have your room prepared!” You tried to grab his arm to stop him from going overboard; knowing full well Satoru always had rushes in which he impulsively overdoes things. He might turn your room into some sort of grand suite that you wouldn’t really like, but he was far too excited and lost in his own thoughts that your words went from one ear and out the other. “Fuck,” he laughed to himself, “I’m going to be a dad.”

Whether it was relief or anxiety that bubbled through you, you had no idea.

It was definitely anxiety.

Satoru felt like a hyper child to be around, and as much as you were grateful that he was happy about this, you also wished he would calm down. You didn’t even have enough chance to settle in before he’s shoving you inside room by room, announcing that what was his was also yours and he would have a baby room set up next week.

You followed him around like a puppy as he marched into the kitchen, mumbling incoherently to himself about baby proofing furniture.

“Sir,” you called out, “Sir, listen to me. We need to talk about boundaries.”

Satoru blinked owlishly at your tired eyes, sheepishly smiling at you. It must’ve dawned on him that his speed tour of his penthouse felt a lot more overwhelming than welcoming, and he sat you down on the island stools before drumming his fingers impatiently on the cool marble. “Sorry, you were saying? I kind of got carried away.”

Carried away was far an understatement.

“I said, we need to talk about boundaries.”

“Oh, yeah, right,” he paused with a furrow in his brow. “Also can you just call me Satoru? We’re going to be parents anyway and it’s awkward if you keep uh, calling me Sir.”

“Fine,” you rolled your eyes, not really in the mood to argue with him right now. You had to keep intact with him while you still had his full attention. Taking out a little notepad you prepared the night before, you slid it over Satoru who tilted his head to the side rather cutely to read it. “So here are my boundaries. One, I don’t want this pregnancy to be announced in the media unless I’m ready. I understand that we can’t keep this a secret forever but I need time to process this. Two, just because we’re living in the same roof together doesn’t mean that I get to go anywhere and everywhere with you. I’m going to work by myself—”

“No.”

“What do you mean no?”

“I said no,” he repeated more firmly this time. “You’re pregnant and I want to make sure you’re safe at all times. I’m driving you to work.”

“Didn’t you just hear what I said? I don’t want to be seen with you.”

“You’re my secretary. People see us together all the time.”

“But you never drove me to work! I live far from the office and I most definitely don’t drive an Audi.”

“Things change, that’s your life now,” Satoru shrugged nonchalantly, stealing the pen you twirled in your hands. The sudden contact sent jolts of electricity from your knuckles, one that had you recanting your hands back to yourself. Satoru didn’t seem to notice as he crosses out the second rule, “Sorry not sorry but I don’t want to let you go places like that. Fine by me if you don’t want me to drive you, but at least have one of the chauffeurs take you somewhere if you really don’t wanna be seen with me.”

“Fine,” you gritted your teeth. Compromise, compromise, meet in the middle – you repeated to yourself to keep your sanity. “Rule number three: I don’t want you changing your attitude around me. We may have a baby on the way, but you’re still my boss and I want to keep our relationship professional.”

“You’re saying I’m not allowed to fall in love with you?”

You flicked his forehead, effectively erasing the teasing grin he wore. “That’s not going to happen,” you interjected irritably, although your heart skip a beat. That was a massive red flag already; you could never be too comfortable with him. For Satoru, his little comments here and there may come naturally and probably meant nothing to him, but there was a chance you could receive it with different interpretations. Shaking your head at him, you ignored his grumblings on how ‘mean’ you were. “We’re never going to be a couple. We’re just raising a child together. I don’t want you acting weird or too comfortable with me.”

Satoru scratched the side of his head as he mulled about it, “Are we allowed to be friends, at least? I understand the professional part, but I can’t imagine the both of us getting along for nine months and more when we act like boss and employee even alone at home,” before you could say anything, Satoru raised his hands in surrender. “I promise I won’t do anything weird to you. No offense, but you’re not really my type, so same as you, I view you platonically.”

Right. The heart surely was stupid and confusing.

You didn’t want him getting any ideas that this could lead to something more, but at the same time, it hurt a little to know you weren’t his type.

Hiding that pang of hurt behind a tight lipped smile, you forced yourself to agree with him. “I view you professionally, Sir.”

“Satoru.”

“Whatever,” you grumbled. “Rule number four: don’t bring home any of your fuck buddies or flavour of the night. I really don’t care if you sleep around, but respect my privacy and my standing as the mother of your childIf you’re really desperate to get your dick wet, go fuck them somewhere else.”

“You’ve never been this vulgar with me.”

He wasn’t wrong about that. Despite countless of times that he tried being friendly with you to ease your stiffness in the office, you always shot him down.

You came to the city to work and provide for your family, not to be friends with your annoyingly hot boss who enjoyed his life way too much. Unlike him, you were more work than play, and eventually Satoru respected the fact you would never speak or treat him casually.

Until now.

“Try being in my shoes and see if you’d still have the patience of a saint,” you mumbled under your breath, sighing when Satoru’s smile got more awkward. “Listen, Satoru, I don’t mean to be difficult, okay? It’s just...this is a lot. This isn’t just us about anymore – we’re going to be parents and that’s a huge responsibility. It’s not only our lives changing here, a child will be relying on us in the future and I simply want to be a good mother, but I also don’t trust you very well to be comfortable enough to act like we’re suddenly friends.”

“I understand that.”

“Good.”

“Do you have rule number five?”

“No, not really, but I can add more as we go.”

“I have a rule number five,” he piped in, flipping the notepad his way as he scribbled something down. “And it’s that if you need help – and I mean with anything – you would let me help you. I’ve worked with you for a long time and I’m not dumb enough to not notice you like to do things by yourself. Like you said, things are different now, and especially with this pregnancy, you’re not alone in this. You need to let me take over the wheel sometimes. I can’t be just a passenger in the car – you and I are both in this together.”

“Just keep your hands to yourself.”

“That’s easy,” he chirped, and there was that uncomfortable knot in your chest again. However, it didn’t sink in too deep because Satoru was blatantly staring at your belly, a small smile tugging at his lips. “So do we have a name for them already?”

“Satoru, I’ve only been a few weeks pregnant, I don’t—”

Conflicting his previous statement that he’d keep his hands to himself, Satoru suddenly dropped to his knees. You watched with wide eyes, too flabbergasted to move as he places his ear on your belly.

“Hi there, little one,” he spoke in a soft tone, large hands caressing the tiny bump beginning to form. You couldn’t move; hell, you could barely breathe from how comforting his touch seemed in contrast to your mind ringing warning bells above. His voice quickly pulled you back to reality as he flattened his palm, white lashes fluttering against the cotton of your shirt. “I’m your daddy; I can’t wait to meet you. Daddy promises to take good care of you and make you the happiest kid ever, alright? You don’t have to worry about anything as long as I’m here.”

“D-don’t spoil them too much, Satoru.”

“I’ll try not to,” he chuckled. Satisfied with that small moment he had, he straightened up and trudged over the dining table that was far too big for a man who lived alone. In that moment, an image flashed in your mind – that someday that table would no longer look empty as you and your child shared meals with him. You could already imagine how heavenly the sun would shine on the glass windows behind it, the flowers gathered in the middle of the table blooming to life.

Out of nowhere, it struck you.

Could it be that this was why he loved this baby so much after only knowing about it for a few days? Could it be that Satoru really was alone?

“Okay, we should probably have a welcoming dinner! The chefs left me something tonight. I forgot what it’s called but I think you’ll like it. Grab some wine on the cellar for me?”

“Satoru, I’m pregnant.”

“Oh, right! My bad,” he clapped his hands together before pulling out ceramics and a cold pitcher, “Just water for mommy then,” Satoru said absentmindedly, completely oblivious to how your mind short-circuited a few feet away from him. He went about his way ignorant to it all and gently tugged you to sit with him, eagerly digging into the heated meals as you realized both of you hadn’t eaten.

For a guy who talked a lot, dinner with him was surprisingly quiet. Other than the occasional clinking of utensils against the plate, you enjoyed the silence with him.

You wouldn’t have believed it to be possible since Satoru made it his daily business to always fill in the gaps. Peace and comfort stretched before you the whole time, however, that for a moment, just a short moment, you found yourself letting your guard down. Even when you both caught each other’s in the middle of a bite, you found no tension or awkwardness in it. Perhaps it was the familiarity of being beside each other for years now that this should feel natural, or maybe it was because you both mutually agreed on wanting the best for your baby. Whatever it was, you didn’t want to overcomplicate it right now.

“You know, I’m really excited about this. I can’t believe I’m actually going to be a father,” he mused through a bite, swirling his red wine through his glass. Satoru gazed at his reflection almost dreamily, seemingly too deep in thought that he felt far from reach.

Or maybe you were the one who was detached, the one who kept pushing him away, because you could offer him nothing but a lame nod. “I’m glad to hear that...”

“What about you? You don’t look too happy.”

Your eyes widened at his worry. “No, I-I’m happy, of course. It’s just...it’s unplanned, and I’ve had my whole life planned out that I’m not really sure how this will all fall into place together.”

“Hey,” he laced his fingers with yours, squeezing warmth back into your skin that you hadn’t noticed turned cold from the nerves. Unlike his usual self with eyes brimming with glee, you could only see tenderness in him now, some sort of silent vow through a private smile shared only between the two of you in that moment in the solace of his home. Your home. “I promise I’ll be there for you and the baby every step of the way. I know that I haven’t had the best reputation and I have zero idea on parenting, but you’re not alone in this. You can trust me on this one, just like how we always trusted each other during work. Being a parent and running a business are both responsibilities right?”

“Yeah...”

“Well then you already know we work well together. We’re great partners!” he cheered, patting your shoulder way too bro-like. You resisted the urge to cringe. “We’ll be great parents, Y/N. I’m sure of that.”

Unsure of what else to do, you squeezed his hand back. He was right, you would be great parents as long as both of you never gave up. The thought of eating meals with him again with another addition to the table made you smile, and you hadn’t noticed you were spacing out, thumb running over his knuckles that were smooth for a man who never knew a day of hard labour. It wasn’t until you felt something prodding at you metaphorically, and you chuckled nervously as you saw Satoru smiling mysteriously at you.

“Why are you looking at me like that?”

“Nothing,” he grinned, “I’ve just never seen you this close before; not so much that I paid attention anyway. But this is nice – having you here, I mean. It gets lonely here sometimes.”

“Don’t you bring your girlfriends around?”

“I never make them stay,” was all he said, and just like that, whatever thread that was beginning to form snapped. Satoru released his hold on you and gestured to your plate, carrying the dishes in his hand before leaving you alone on the table. Like always – a whiplash. “I’ll clean up, you can rest in your room now. I’ll take care of the dishes.”

“Do you even know how to do them?”

“Yeah, my mother forced me to wash dishes because she didn’t want me to rely on the house help too much,” he informed, the new information shocking you right to the core as he put on dishwashing gloves and started scrubbing. From this angle, he sure looked damn nice and domestic in just a white shirt, hair ruffled down to bangs.  “I’ll be right there with you,” Satoru announces casually, spinning on his heel with red cheeks once he realized what he said. “For just a goodnight, I mean! We’re not sharing rooms!”

“Yeah, no,” you coughed out, “We’re definitely not.”

It felt…surreal, to wake up in a room much grandiose than yours yet felt like home even for the first night. Satoru handled your moving in rather happily; you found him singing to himself this morning as he brewed his own coffee before realizing you were right behind him, sleepy as you lazily made waffles for the both of you. Everything flowed nicely and normally, like this had always been a normal thing that for a moment, you questioned once more what would happen next.

You were now getting ready for work, hands tugging at his tie because he was such a man-child who couldn’t even properly knot his own tie. His suit was custom tailored and he looked effortlessly gorgeous – beauty ripped straight from magazines he was constantly a front page of, but his tie was skewered and loose that it irritated you.

“You’re such a mess without me.”

Satoru bent down to wiggle his brows at you, thought you didn’t notice because he wouldn’t stay still for you to fix his tie fast enough. “Isn’t this sweet; you fixing my tie for me as we both get ready for work?” he teased, “We’re like a married couple already.”

“If you don’t shut up, I’m kicking you in the nuts.”

“Then how can I give you more babies?” picking up the newspaper on the coffee table beside you, you rolled it and started whacking him, a string of profanities colorfully painting his otherwise monochrome and sleek walls. Satoru’s laughter boomed all over the room even as he wiggled away from you, clutching his bicep that had been the victim of your abuse. “Ow, ow, I was joking! Jeez, woman, you are strong. Fight men a lot like this?”

“I work with you. My fighting instincts are always activated.”

His laugh really was annoying. But it did help ease your nerves – though you’d never tell him that – as you sat beside him in his car, the expensive leather seats no longer strange to you. It would’ve felt like any other day where you accompanied him somewhere, except the reason was different now, and it came crashing down on you of your current situation that things were undeniably different from now on.

You immediately stepped away from him the moment you got out of the car, clutching your clipboard to your tummy when Satoru bumped his shoulder with yours. “Come closer, it’s fine. No one will suspect a thing,” he points to the crowded building with people bumping and walking past each other, everyone too occupied in their own heads to even notice you.

It wasn’t much, but hearing his voice and reassurances relaxed you, even for just a little bit. Maybe your first day at work after the baby news wouldn’t be so bad, after all, but it seemed you had spoken too early.

Satoru heavily insisted that you worked inside his office from now on.

Your desk was located right outside his office, the phone line always within reach in case you needed to pass calls to him or if he needed you to come. Satoru preferred the privacy of his own space – or so he said; he actually just didn’t want you to witness him slacking around and experience your wrath – but now he was dragging you inside his office, pushing your shoulders down until you were ‘settled in.’

You didn’t even want to ask where he got a new desk from, or why it had to be right across from him. His desk remained elevated on a few levels, the welcoming lobby of the room filled with couches and stacks of coffee with a rich amount of sugar cubes.

Safe to say, most of the morning was spent (or rather, wasted) on you telling Satoru off. The man was too persistent, coming in on the office at random times of the hour with either snacks or heaps of biscuits on his arms. He always greeted you with a wide grin on his face, only to be kicked out of his own office because you had his hellish schedule and events to deal with. That was around three hours ago when you’d asked him to shut up and go bother someone else. You were halfway around finishing your workload for today when the door swung open, a tuft of white hair and mischievous eyes peeking through.

“Hey! Just checking in on mommy—”

“Satoru!”

“What? It’s just you and I,” he defended with a shrug, welcoming himself inside. Surprisingly, he was empty handed, though the pout on his lips told you it was against his will. “Seriously though, do you need anything? Do you want snacks? Tea? Do you need help going to the bathroom? You haven’t moved in your desk for an hour now.”

“Satoru, I’m pregnant, not disabled,” you ignored him for a while, resuming to working back on his schedule for the month. There were a bunch of e-mails you still had to respond to, which normally wouldn’t be such a daunting task if Satoru wasn’t shifting his weight from one foot to another, the sounds of his shoes hitting the tiles in an annoying click-clack rhythm getting to you. “Will you stop fidgeting! Your anxiety gives me anxiety, stop that!”

“I’m sorry, I can’t help it, I just feel like there’s something I should be doing.”

“Shutting up and letting me work in peace would be great, thank you.”

“You really don’t need anything?” Sending him a warning glare, Satoru sucked in his cheeks and ran back to his desk where he hid behind the safety of his large monitor. “Nope, yeah, I got the message: leave you alone. Good luck with that then, I’ll need those archives to pull up for our meeting with the directors later at five.”

Muttering a sarcastic finally under your breath, you resumed working.

The routine was per usual – answer the calls professionally with a welcoming and sweet voice, a pen always in one hand to jot down notes in reminders, adjust his schedules, work out his plans, go to him whenever he needed to sign something before responding back to e-mails. You were focused as you always were, but someone wasn’t, and it was getting harder and harder to keep being placated.

It didn’t help that he made no effort to hide the fact he was slacking off, the tip-taps of him randomly pressing keys on the keyboard similar to a fork dragging down a plate.

“I can feel you burning holes at the back of my head,” you twittered, “What do you need?”

“Nothing at all. I’m just realizing how beautiful you are right now.”

You paused. Unable to deny your curiosity over how serious he sounded, you spun around in your swivel chair. Satoru had his chin on his hands as he stared right back at you, his face devoid of expression that you couldn’t pick up on a single clue. “Are you okay?”

“Why wouldn’t I be?”

You rolled your eyes at him. Of course the bastard would be teasing you, his loud chuckles a painful reminder of that. It was best to ignore him, so you went back to reading e-mails and forced yourself to focus on the task at hand. “We’re at work. Please stop distracting me; I can’t focus when you’re staring at me like a creep.”

“Sorry, babe, I’ll try to be less distracting next time, though I can’t control my charisma, you know!”

You jotted your thumb to your desk outside, “I can walk back to my desk where you can’t see me. That’d be a great for both of us.”

“Stay right there, I was joking!”

“Do you promise to be quiet and actually do your job if I stay?”

“With you disciplining and ordering me around like that, why not?” Mouth open for another heated retort, Satoru stopped you before you could say anything, his aura more serious this time. He was always like this; fooling around and maturing the next second, only for the cycle to repeat and test your patience. “I’m just teasing you, Y/N, I’ll shut up now. You’re free to end work as soon as you’re tired though; the driver is waiting in the parking lot whenever you want to go home.”

“I’ll go home with you.” Home. It felt weird to say that, but also…natural.

“You’ll stay with me at work today?” He sounded genuinely surprised, and you responded with a one-shoulder shrug. That seemed to be enough for him, however, and it wasn’t long before Satoru found the oh so rare and fleeting motivation to work hard.

Once he was settled, sleeves rolled up to expose his veiny forearms and brows furrowed as he centered all his attention on the pile of paperwork before him, there was no stopping him.

Roles reversed and positions switched, you were now the one unable to take your eyes off him.

In this light, in this moment, Gojo Satoru had never looked more beautiful. He was much the same as you in the manner you never really noticed each other this way before; not romantically, but even just person to person. In your eyes, he was nothing but your irritating boss whose boisterous self always crowded over your peace, and in his eyes, you were nothing but his secretary who he knew always silently hoped would leave you alone.

But things were different now. You were different now.

Boundaries there may be, you couldn’t help that fluttering forming in your stomach. Contentment, happiness, relief, nervousness – all of them jumbled into one big mess. Out of them all, however, there was most definitely adoration, either out of respect for his unexpected kindness, or simply because it felt nice to feel for once.

Turning away from him until your back was the only thing he could see, you hid your smile as you secretly held your belly.

You’d never been reckless before, but what was to be a good story when there wasn’t a mistake or two made?

[damiano-mylove]

How you met them and what dating the members of Måneskin would be like

GN!reader, slight NSFW for Damiano *Masterlist*

Vic

You'd definitely meet Vic at the grocery store

She goes grocery shopping every Saturday at 10 am, and you don't know that because you're creepy, you know that because you do as well (being an adult and such)

Over time, you'd both start to notice seeing each other at the same times and places

Vic would eventually come over, after having traded more than a dozen looks with you

At first, she would give you a random complement (that made your heart soar for reasons unbeknownst to you at the time), and you would immediately compliment her back because there are so many things to complement about the unknown girl at the shops

Those random complements would soon turn into full blown conversations that you both looked forward to, every Saturday at 10 am

Conversations turned into doing your grocery shopping together

Vic would ask you to lunch after one of your grocery shopping adventures, which you gladly accepted given the beautiful woman had stolen your heart at first glance

Lunch would go absolutely swimmingly, and it became the new thing

Your relationship with Vic would evolve from doing your grocery shopping together, then having lunch, to basically spending every Saturday together, then seeing each other other days of the week

One night, having drinks at Vic's place, just the two of you, Vic would join your lips together in a sweet harmony that felt all too right

You brushed off the night as drunken kissing

But she held you hand at lunch that following Saturday, and asked to kiss you before you parted ways

The conversation was bound to happen, and it did. After that, you and Vic were officially an item

She introduced you to her friends, and you did the same - your group loving Vic, and her's loving you

Dating Vic would be full of gentle love bites on your tender neck, fruity red wine, painting your nails matching colours, and late nights

On those late nights, Vic would hold you close, a film playing softly in the back, while her attention laid on you

You, her person, her rock. You made Vic's heart go ablaze and she wouldn't trade you for the world

Nor would you for her

Thomas

Thomas gives off strong Boy-Next-Door vibes

One day, your interest was sparked by moving vans outside your window - someone was moving into the flat above you

It was a very loud day (furniture scraping the floors, heavy boxes being dropped, many feet with much too heavy footsteps) but you were baking

You had a function to attend to the following day, so your day was already planned as a day for baking your famous biscuits that literally everyone loved

Ingredients may have a price tag, but kindness does not. Once all the noise subsided, you brought a plate of cookies up to your new neighbour (hoping to at least buy their friendship so they wouldn't annoy you constantly)

When Thomas opened the door, your stomach immediately turned to static

He looked a little tired, no doubt from freshly moving in, but his beauty was still breathtaking

Thomas smiled at you sweetly and thanked you profusely for the biscuits - he told you about how his grandmother made the same type and he loved them

The next day, right after you'd come back from your function, Thomas brought you back the plate with a bashful smile - 'The biscuits were divine, better than grandmama's'

You giggled at his statement, then invited him in for tea and to finish off the biscuits that were "left over" (you'd actually saved them for yourself, but there was no one else you'd rather share them with)

Happily for the both of you, Thomas accepted the invitation, and he stayed in your flat, drinking tea with you and eating biscuits, till the wee hours of the next day

You and Thomas shared smiles from your balconies and the street below, but when you'd be walking the stairs together, it always turned into an invitation for a drink, or to watch a game, or just a chat

About a month and a half of friendship, Thomas asked you to the cinema

You gladly went with him

In the middle of the film, your hands bumped together, both reaching for the popcorn on your lap - resulting in heated faces and looking away

Thomas walked you back to your flat that night, leaving you with a kiss on the cheek and legs made of jelly

That next day, Thomas asked you to dinner

'Is this a date or just a hang out?'

'It can be whatever you'd like.'

To no one's surprise, you chose the former option

You never officially confirmed your dating status, but you'd figure Thomas introducing you to his family as his partner was confirmation enough

Dating Thomas would include him singing you mellow songs in the evenings, longing glances shared across rooms, lots of tea at all hours of the day, and extremely stupid jokes that turned sickeningly sweet

Those jokes would occupy your mind for days on end, cherishing every single joke shared

Ethan

As cliche as it sounds, you'd meet in a bar

There was a game on between Lazio and Milan - and you both were dragged there by your friends

People clamored around the bar and television screens, screaming and yelling, and everyone decked out in jerseys (the Lazio jerseys outnumbered the Milan jerseys 3:1)

Funnily enough, you met Ethan in the corridor for the toilets

'With a line this long, I might as well piss outside'

For a first impression, Ethan really did make an impression. One that made you laugh and his cheeks tint red at the knowledge that someone heard him say that

It sparked a conversation while you both waited in the long lines

You discovered that neither of you held too much of a love of football, which absolutely tickled you that someone was in the same boat as you

Ethan waited outside the washroom for you, then suggested you both go outside for a smoke

With a drunken smile (the only way to get through a football match is to drink, lets be real), you agreed and told the friends you came with where you'd be disappearing to

Outside, you and Ethan shared three fags each and lots of laughter and conversation

Surprisingly to Ethan's friends, when everyone came pouring out of the bar after the game finished, Ethan had you pressed against the wall in a heated kiss

While being the most shy member of the band, Ethan reacted the most prominently to liquid courage, which you were more than okay with

You traded information, and the next day, you woke up to a sweet text from Ethan, asking you to a cafe to get to know each other in a sober environment

No complaints, you went

Ethan was just as funny as he was last night, and neither of you stopped smiling the entire time you were together

You saw each other quite often after that; sharing the occasional kiss, but full of laughter and stupid faces in silent moments

Eventually, you got brave and asked for Ethan to be your boyfriend

His face and ears went bright red, and he immediately looked to his slender fingers, chuckling nervously - but he happily agreed

Dating Ethan would include a hell of a lot of cuddles, lots of reassurance, few kisses but very meaningful kisses, and more laughter than you've ever shared with anyone else

Ethan will make you one of the happiest people on Earth, and in exchange, he is the happiest, just to have you in his arms in the mornings (even if you drool on him in your sleep)

Damiano

Without a doubt, you'd meet Damiano at a bar

There wouldn't be a game one, it was just a Friday night, and you felt like cutting loose with your idiot friends, whom you very much loved

Damiano would spot you immediately

You, of course, had already spotted him, but your friends were drooling over him, and every single person in the bar was as well, so you just put him out of your mind

That is, until he swaggered right up to you while you were grabbing drinks for your friends who were all on the dance floor

His expensive scent intoxicated you better than any booze behind the bar, making your skin tingle immediately. Damiano radiated heat, but that could've just been how warm it was in the bar from all the people

As the bartender was mixing your drinks, Damiano asked you your name

'A beautiful name for a beautiful person'

You thought he was just looking for a one-night stand, which you were actually quite down for

However, the night was still young, and you still had drinks to deliver to your friends, so you thanked him for the compliment and sauntered off to your friends with the drinks in hand

They called you a myriad of names for you basically turning Damiano down to do what? To dance with people you'd known for years?

Fortunately, walking off hadn't deterred Damiano

His eyes were on you for the entire night, until you built enough nerve to approach him

It didn't take too long for him to offer to bring you back to his place - you didn't need more than a second to accept

That night didn't lead to sex, however. Damiano thought you to be drunk to give him any meaningful consent, so he just left you to sleep in his bed, while he took the couch

When you woke up, you wrote your number with the lipstick in your purse on his bathroom mirror, and you left without a sound to wake him up

He called you that same day and invited you to the bar again

The entire weekend was spent going to the bar, sleeping either with or at Damiano's, which suited you just fine

Unfortunately, you had an actual job that required you to go to work, so when he invited you out on Sunday, you had to decline, then again on Monday

Tuesday, however, you invited him to your place for a couple drinks and you ended up falling asleep on his shoulder on the couch

Damiano woke up with you for your job and stayed with you as you got ready that morning, smiling at you through the mirror of your bathroom

Soon enough, your nightly encounters turned into real dates that changed location and theme constantly

Damiano was spontaneous and you loved it

He'd call you the cutest pet names under the sun, and bring you everywhere you were willing to go with him

Damiano never called you his partner; you were his lover

When you'd be alone, he always referred to you as 'Y/n, the light of my life, the only flower in my field, the cream in my jeans'

Made you blush like mad, but that was Damiano's favourite part

Dating Damiano would include doing each other's eyeliner, lots of PDA, reading side by side on the couch with a record playing softly, never falling asleep alone

Sleeping beside Damiano was like sleeping next to a furnace, so blankets were never needed, but cuddling was required

if it sucks, y’all gotta tell me😩🙏

for @fairyth0rns , i hope you like it

[riofann]

Mr. Rodrigo Chapter 1

This is the beginning of a series between Christopher “Rio” Rodrigo  and a Curvy reader. 

“Okay one last announcement before you go on your way,” your boss Mr. Benard stated taking a pause to drink some water from this water bottle.  “I am proud to announce to you that Bill Martin has been promoted to head Asst. Director of Marketing, it was a hard decision and I know a lot of you are at the cusp of being promoted as well but we opted to go with Bill. So congratulations to Bill!” your boss Mr. Benard said before clapping his hands 

Claps erupted within the room while Bill nodded his head thanking everyone. Rodrigo turned to look at you. There was a sarcastic tinge to your clap, it was a bit too boisterous considering it was you that was at the cusp of the promotion. You congratulated Bill and gathered your things to leave the conference room. 

The rest of the morning was anticlimactic business as usual, yet another promotion, another stew of rumors being created in secret stairwells and hiding spots. 

“Hey you wanna go for lunch?” your sister and best friend Tessa asked peeking her head in your office, right at 12:15PM the usual lunch time for you both

“Yea let me grab my purse” you say as you quickly send off an email 

“Do you still want to go to that new place around the corner?” 

“Yea I would love to!” You had forgotten all about it till he brought it up 

You two walk to the elevators chatting about work. You mention the news you got this morning and Tessa gives you a sympathetic look. She knew more than anyone you were the right person to promote but in the world of ‘good old boys club’ there seldom was any room for women in this field to get promoted. 

“Where you two headed?” the semi hoarse voice said from behind you “lunch?” he asked before allowing you two to answer

“Yes Rodrigo” you say exasperated he knew this. The hours between 12:00-1:30 were your usual lunch times only taking 30-45 minutes. 

“Can I join Y/L/N” You often referred to each other in last the last name 

“Uh” Tessa let out looking between you two 

You shrug “Yea I don’t mind” “Cool let me drop these things off at Mikes desk” he said lifting up the folders in his hands 

“We’ll wait”  you say, not paying attention, eyes trained on your phone playing a difficult level of imitation Mahjong. 

“Ooo” you hear “Stop!” you warned

“What?” Tessa spoke in a hushed voice “maybe this will rebuild the bridge you two insist on burning” 

“He’s a know it all pain in the ass Tessa, why would i need to rebuild that ‘bridge’?” 

“Because” she responded in a singy songy type of way “Don’t and stop, he is coming back”  you say as you see him doing a mini jog towards you just as he arrived the elevator pinged indicating its arrival to your floor. “Right on time” you say smiling

“So where we going?” 

“Oh we were going to get something from that new asian spot around the corner, sound good?” Tessa inquired

“Yea! Love Asian food”

“Good!” she retorted

You don’t say much, focusing your attention on the phone between emails and playing your game. It’s not that you and Rodrigo couldn’t have or hold a conversation, it's just things got sour quick.  

Rodrigo worked in the finance department, although you two had different responsibilities you still had to work with each other nonetheless and all meetings included high level personnel from all the departments. Some meetings came to a halt when you both would spend 5-10 minutes arguing over the expenditures of the marketing department. You always had more than enough reasons or explanations for the expenditures after all but sometimes he did it just to get a rouse out of you and you could always tell because of that lopsided smirk he tried to hide. 

“Welcome, how many?” The hostess asked 

“Just 3 Tessa answered

“Booth or table?” 

“Booth!” you and Tessa answered simultaneously garnering attention from not only your host but Rodrigo as well who had his brow slightly raised 

“Jinx! You owe me lunch!”  your sister beamed right before you walked to your table 

“Fine” you agree walking ahead of her 

“This is your table. Order at the counter and your food will be out shortly” A round of ‘thank yous’ went around the table before you all departed  and headed towards the counter to order. Not much is said until after the food comes.

“So!” Tessa starts you groan internally “I heard Bill got the promotion” “Yea” Rodrigo chuckled “he did” he looked over to you but you seemed to be focused on the pho that was in front of you

“Sad Y/N should have gotten that!” 

“Well maybe Mr. Bernard saw something in Bill” You counter, it didn’t truly bother you because as far as compensation went you were compensated accordingly. 

It takes everything to stop Rodrigo from rolling his eyes. ‘Peacock’ he thinks in his head which resulted in an involuntary ‘hmph’ from him

You and Tessa turn to look at him “what was that about?” you ask 

“Nothing just thinking” You give him a wary look before returning your attention to your pho 

“You think Y/N, my lovely sister, and bestest friend in the world should have gotten it, don't you Christopher?” Tessa teased. As far as Rodrigo and Tessa were concerned they were on first name basis 

“I mean she might be right” A slight knot in your stomach formed after that statement.

Tessa tilted her head to the right, questioning that very statement. “Anyway if your boss can’t figure out that she is the backbone to the company then I say she comes to work with me!” Tessa argued 

“God no!” you retorted quickly, much faster than you had liked 

“Heyy! What’s that supposed to mean?” “I love you Tessa but no we cannot work together” you say giving her a look 

“Well I will try to not take offence sister” She responds faking hurt

Rodrigo chuckled a bit 

“Why are you laughing? Are you agreeing with her?” He looked up at you, then Tessa  before responding “yea I am actually” “Wow I didn’t know you two felt this way about me! I guess you just don’t know people” Rodrigo smirked in return, unlike you Tessa wasn’t as witty or quick on her feet. Sometimes she needed hand holding even if it came from an outside source seeing that both of you worked for different companies. Don’t get him wrong Rodrigo did believe the “Y/L/N sisters'' were a force to be reckoned with but you. you were on a whole different level. 

You and Rodrigo met 2 years ago, he remembered you walking into his office introducing yourself briefly and offering help before you walked away in a hurry. He didn’t know what irritated him so much about you that awarded you the secret nickname of “peacock”. He sometimes credits it to the array of clothing you wore to the office, it was borderline unprofessional you looked like you walked out of the Belk’s spring collection some days bright and colorful attire matched with shoes and jewelry; or maybe it was how you presented and every question during meetings had an answer there barely was a time anything stumped you. Well until he showed up, as far as he knows he has caused you to pause and think of an answer at least 5 times, he took pride in that because no one has the answer to everything contrary to what people thought of you. Or maybe it had to do with your optimistic personality, you reminded him of the fake stepford housewives trope. The first 6 months he would describe as hell but as he got to know you better, lingering around conversations with you and your sister or other colleagues you weren’t always so happy go lucky in fact you cursed a lot, you would get frustrated too, but when it came to the internal team you were indeed the mother of the company. Always smiling and helping your door was always open. 

Mr. Rodrigo Chapter 2

Please  like and reblog only, don’t post and not give credit.

[letsdothisbruh]

I posted 44 times in 2022

That's 44 more posts than 2021!

24 posts created (55%)

20 posts reblogged (45%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@cybersugarstuffs

@stuck-with-that-sum

@studyandstorms

@sizeleak

I tagged 22 of my posts in 2022

Only 50% of my posts had no tags

#letsdothisbruh - 21 posts

#motivation - 21 posts

#study - 21 posts

#studyspo - 21 posts

#studyinspo - 21 posts

#studyblr - 21 posts

#100 days of productivity - 20 posts

#we can do it - 19 posts

#stem major - 19 posts

#together - 18 posts

Longest Tag: 24 characters

#100 days of productivity

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

Day 1/100- Nov 14- Mon

Trying to flesh out my SOP from the edits I got from my folks… it’s been daunting since I’m unable to find a good framework narrative without it sounding cliched…

Planning to put together a ppt and meet my advisor today, let’s see how that pans out. I have been anxious about it and have been procrastinating it for a while now.

Hopefully I make it through today and am productive.

Just reading a paper right now to finesse my question of purpose.

Song of the day:

On repeat 🔂

2 notes - Posted November 14, 2022

#4

Day 10/100- Nov 23- Wed

Half the week is over and I feel lazy and useless… gosh damn it.

I didn’t feel like doing anything today but still made myself come to my lab for the microscopy time I booked since it’s super crowded and I can’t try to change timings or make it up later…

I’m hoping to go back home and just finish some of my tasks for my courses. Today. I have to work it.

My avengers travel mug is keeping me sane with caffeine for now….

Song of the day:

This song accurately describes how I’m not enough how much ever I keep trying to jump hoops for everyone’s expectations of me 😑

2 notes - Posted November 23, 2022

#3

Day 17/100- Dec 2- Fri

Why is time moving this fast?

I didn’t get much done in terms of studying today but got much lab work done, setup for the genetic crosses for the week and made sure I did all I can so I can stay home guilt free tomorrow and go in on Sunday instead.

Even took time to go see my prof today and phew, I can see a tonne of work brewing up for this weekend!

The trick I need to master here is to hit the bed right now and make sure I wake up at a normal morning time tomo, eat healthy and NOT be intimidated by the lots of tasks… just gotta… bunch it all up into smaller tasks and get going and finish it!!

Just trying to get the courage to work smart and hard in the next few days, but I will be fine. I have to!!

Song of the Day:

4 notes - Posted December 2, 2022

#2

Day 12&13/100- Nov 26- Sat

Hmm I seemed to have forgotten to post yesterday..

Eh no one cares anyways.

See the full post

6 notes - Posted November 27, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

Hey I found the #studychallengewithcleo by @that-premed-student and decided to go for it!

Today I’m continuing to work on my Thesis committee meeting presentation right now. Been at it since morning and I’m sure I crossed the 6 hour mark a while back haha

I’m definitely taking breaks in between, and eating food and drinking water/beverages (do be kind to yourself and take care of yourself even if you are stressed)

So currently my work for today is:

Finish analysing my final dataset

Include those graphs on my ppt

Finish including all the info from the tagged papers on my ppt

Make a script and read it 3-5 times before retiring for the night

And ofc overthinking and writing down any Qs I could be asked in that meeting tomorrow and looking up and keeping track of those answers separately.

I think my list is doable… I am hoping my presentation tomorrow goes amazingly well and my committee members greenlit me for my final semester without any issues.

8 notes - Posted November 29, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

[alluringjae]

queen of hearts - sjn

summary: for the first time, one of your star students hasn’t been fetched right after class. but when she finally does, you weren’t expecting such a fine man to be her father.

pairing: johnny x female reader

word count: 5.5k

genre: fluff, romance, comedy | ceo and single dad!johnny + ballerina!reader + modern day!au

warnings: mentions of an absent parent, johnny being an overthinker, sexual innuendos (ten saying dilf hehe), slight explicit language, technical terms of ballet, a mini reference to mean girls

author’s note: sooo i came in touch with my former dance life, which led me to write this. there are links for the variations i used; their names are underlined when they’re mentioned. i am going to get technical with ballet terms here (even when my ballet knowledge decreased), so to any dancers reading, i really did my best, so please don’t come for me or do correct me for any mistakes.

although one character and her dance background, plus the name of the setting, are real, everything else about it is still a work of fiction.

i miss dancing, no cap.

leave me some feedback, constructive criticism or hellos!

Ballet student and teacher by day, a soloist of the Korean National Ballet at night.

This was your daily routine, and it wasn’t the typical 8-5. But it’s debatable whether or not it was worse, because you’re always going overtime. That’s the thing when you’re an overachiever. Nonetheless, you loved what you do. It’s the lifestyle you gradually built since your preschool days.

Mornings on the weekdays were mostly vacant since all the kids were still in school. You’d start at 10 am for a warm-up class for the company. Before you delved into teaching and assisting, you’d train right after your lunch break. Partnering class, en pointe class, 1-on-1 sessions with choreographers, self-practice, then the company night class, that’s the organization of your week.

Now adding the teacher title, you mostly handled kindergartners to 5th graders in the academy aspect of the company. Your first teaching class would start at 1 pm. It’s when the younger students who finished their morning classes zoom into your assigned dance studio. One class would last an hour and a half, then you have a 30-minute break in between another class with the older kids. Their lesson repertoire was more strenuous due to the added across-the-floor lessons and jumps. Water was always your best friend, water refilling stations located everywhere in the company building.

You wouldn’t say you’re a strict teacher, but you weren’t shy to correct anyone from wherever you stood. You’d lightly align their arms or back properly so your students were working on the correct body parts. Compared to the other teachers, a lot of students enjoyed your kind yet frank approaches. Your former students, who’ve already gone to the higher levels, missed your lively presence and wished repeatedly that they want you back as their teacher.

“Teacher (Y/N), I miss you so much! Teacher Ten is so intense. I get the jitters especially when we’re en pointe on the floor.”

“Teacher (Y/N), Teacher Sicheng and Teacher Seulgi scare the heck out of me during partnering class. Especially when I tried to lift my partner, I keep losing focus because of Teacher Sicheng’s never-ending comments!”

Not to be sadistic, but you’d simply laugh at their minuscule complaints. Even if they’re struggling in the academy, those comments were directed to fix their techniques if they wanted to breakthrough.

“Kids, you’re going to be fine! They wouldn’t say or do those things just because they wanted to. They’re here to push you to the next level, like how I used to do with you. It’s a cut-throat industry after all.”

This was always your reply, bittersweet and truthful. Not everyone makes it, unfortunately, so if you’re really striving, you’d do whatever it takes. Throughout your career, you’re relatively impressed with how far you’ve come.

Trainee at 17, Corps de Ballet at 18, Demi-Soloist at 21, and Soloist at 23.

You’ve been a soloist for 4 years. The final stage, which was to become a principal dancer, is your running goal. Becoming a soloist was praiseworthy enough because you’ve seen so many give up in the Corps, but claiming a spot as a principal dancer has been the ultimate dream. Since you’ve watched Swan Lake for the first time at 4 years old with your parents, that’s where you found a passion for dancing and the stage. Here you are years later, practicing numerous variations daily, performing in opera houses, and mentoring all these gifted kids.

Your last class with elementary kids, which began around 5 pm, reached its end once all the students curtsied in front of you and scurried to their mothers or their nannies. The remaining plan on your agenda today was the company class at 7:30 pm, which exceeds the average hour and a half. It’s worse during show season. There have been times everyone went beyond midnight to polish every scene from head to toe.

Currently, there’s no upcoming show for the public, though the annual summer recital for the students was around the corner. Selected members of the company were chosen to perform individually in it, which was both exciting and intense. It’s also because it’s an evaluation on whether you’d get promoted in status or staying put. You’ve partaken in 3 recitals in the past, two of which elevated you from the corps and demi-soloist ranks. The recent one, however, didn’t change your soloist ranking.

It was a major first in your career in ballet, and after finding out the result of the latter, it emotionally pained you. Recalling how much soul you put into that piece, the rejection from your artistic director clenched your heart. Though in time, you moved on from it and viewed it as a stepping stone. Also, Sicheng and Ten personally stormed your apartment to pull yourself together with wine and pizza after going on a short leave.

Since you were trainees, Sicheng and Ten were your best friends in and outside the company. Working daily to occasional barhopping, that’s your youth summed up. It wasn’t because you didn’t like the girls you’ve worked with (though a lot of them were fake and bitchy), but these two were frank and humorous as hell. Together, you’d help each other with your goals rather than be competitive. Over time, Ten leveled up to a principal dancer for 2 years running while you and Sicheng were still soloists. The way you’d watch Ten take all the big roles, that’s where you want to be one day.

Back in your last teaching class, the entire dance room was vacant. Since it’s mainly used for ballet classes, you’d either run through anything you’ve practiced from the company classes and polish it or warm up a little bit more.

Except for today, this was the only free time to sew a new pair of pointe shoes because your current ones were dead. Dead in a sense that the hard shell turned soft, which won’t be able to support you when you’re up on your toes. You’re not taking any risks of minor injuries especially when you’re in the current lineup of company members performing for this upcoming recital again. You have to prove to everyone that you deserve a position as a principal dancer.

As your legs sprawled in a half middle split, your sewing equipment laid in front of you like you’re about to perform surgery, a tiny girl stood by the ajar studio doors. In her neat bun and holding on to her small duffel bag, you’re convinced everyone has gone home already since it’s quite late.

You may have your priorities as a company member, but she was still your student.

“Minji!” You shouted her name, speedily waving your hand. You’re not one to have favorites, though you couldn’t help wonder how extraordinary she was. She’s always taking charge in demonstrating the lessons to everyone and improving every session in the 3 years she’s joined the academy. “Come in! Come in!”

At age 7, she’s gotten taller through the years, above the average from how you see it. She must have amazing genetics. Her legs sauntered in seconds to you. Sitting down across you, she marveled at your setup. Specifically, at the fresh pointe shoes.

“Are those yours, Teacher (Y/N)?” She perked up, caressing its soft fabric and playing with the mini bows of the drawstrings.

“Yes, it is, Minji!” You answered while trying to insert the thin thread through the small eye of the needle. “Why are you still here? Is your nanny stuck in traffic or something?”

“My nanny went on sudden leave, so my dad’s the one fetching me. But I think he’s running late from his job.”

Oh, this was a first to know about her father. In all the years she’s been your student, you rarely caught sight of him, even in recitals. Maybe he sat in an unknown section, but you’re pretty much acquainted with all the parents of your students. Even if some were snobbier than the rest because they wanted their child to have more stage time, you still got to know them out of respect. Quite odd, if you said so yourself.

After deep concentration, the thread triumphantly passed through the eye so you tied the two ends of the thread in a double knot. Seeing as Minji attentively watched you, you tasked her to cut the ribbons of your shoes according to the trail of pencil marks. This was so she wouldn’t cut it too short or too long. While she did that, you hammered your shoes against the floor to soften the hard front, bending the shank back and forth so the arch of your feet could move without difficulty later.

Minji wasn’t expecting such loud sounds, her entire body shaken awake. Her facial expression was priceless, explaining to her, “Once you get your first pointe shoes in a few years, this is one of the basic things you need to do so your feet won’t hurt too much while dancing.”

“Will you be there to teach me how to make my pointe shoes?”

“Absolutely! Come to me first then I’ll mentor you all that I know.”

The process of sewing and breaking new pointe shoes engraved your mind since your adolescent years, with changes along the way. Inspired by some tricks from your former teachers, but there were some differing rituals you followed. There’s no definite process of it, just as long you’re comfortable to dance after.

With your feet, you stepped on the hard boxes of the shoes to soften it more, creating a popping sound. Followed by sewing your elastic bands in. For your ribbons, you liked to burn the edges with a lighter so the thread of it won’t run. Kindly asking your cute assistant for the lighter beside her, you scanned the edges back and forth the flame. In seconds, the edges had a distinct mark, fully closed. From there, you slid your feet to your shoes to make final sewing adjustments. Sewing your ribbons took you another few minutes, plus adding superglue inside the shoe so the shoe won’t collapse when it unstiffens and scratching the shank with a cutter so you won’t slip later while dancing.

Voila, the final product is done! Hopefully, it can last you a week at least.

“Wow, Teacher (Y/N), it looks pretty!” Minji applauded, collecting the mess you’ve both made to dispose of later. You, on the other hand, gave her your thanks once you applied some bandages on your big toes and put on your toe pads. Slipping inside the shoes and tying them, you rose up back to your feet and headed to the bar to break them in. From plies-relevésto forced arches, the shoes gave you the sensation that they were an extension of your feet. The ease flowed through, meaning you were ready to practice your variations.

While you stepped your shoes in rosin for friction, your curious student moved to the front where the mirror lied to watch what you’ve prepared.

“What variation are you dancing to?”

“This is the Gamzatti variation from La Bayadere.” You replied, tapping the play button on your phone and racing to your position on the side. Talking a short ballet walk, you strongly prepared your arms before the music of the orchestra takes off.

This variation consisted of a lot of jumps and turns. Grand jetés, attitude turns, chaîné turns, you needed a lot of core control and proper spotting so you won’t get dizzy. The thrilling music lessened your nerves because you enjoyed learning this piece from one of the principal dancers, smiling and letting the music guide your legs. Once you nailed 3 consecutive grand jetés, the variation ended with a sus-sous and the wrists of your hands flicking upwards.

Holding it for 5 more seconds, you landed back on your feet with heavy breathing and a need for water. But before you could, small claps and cheers from Minji in front erupted. Momentarily, you’ve forgotten her presence because dancing solo puts you in your own space. You’d never let anyone take you away from it.

“Teacher (Y/N), that was wonderful! Are you performing that in the summer recital?”

Yikes, she’s right but she wasn’t meant to see it yet. Solo performances from the company members for the recital were top secret, only unveiled during the production rehearsal. Well, you didn’t think this through, but you didn’t mind.

“Can you keep a secret?”

Time ticked a lot faster today, only 10 minutes left until the company class on the ground floor whereas you were in the second. Just a few steps down the stairs away, yet Minji was still here. You only presumed that within your hour break, her father could’ve made it already. But maybe he’s stuck in traffic or at work.

“Minji, my class starts soon. Have you contacted your father?”

“I already texted him earlier, but he hasn’t responded. This happens often, he’s a busy man.” She bowed in front of you suddenly. “I’m sorry, Teacher (Y/N) for the hassle.”

“Oh no, please!” You shook your hands so she’d stop. Because this situation was relatively new, you were unsure of how to handle it. Or that was until you remembered what Ten texted you earlier. “Minji, the blinds of the main studio are going to be lifted so anyone from the outside can view us practicing. Would you like to watch until your dad gets here?”

With her insistent nodding, she situated herself in one of the seats in the front row. When you entered the main studio, your two close companions already carried a metal barre to the center and leaned towards it while observing you walking to them in your flat shoes.

“I see we have a bit of an audience here.” Ten glimpsed at the young girl, astonished by the many dancers prepping and chatting away with their cliques from the glass barrier.

“Her dad isn’t here yet, and you did say the blinds were up today. Might as well give her a show while she waits, you know.” You lifted your right leg to the top barre, stretching it with your arms.

“Hmmm, shouldn’t her dad be more cautious though? It’s getting late and it’s a Thursday. Doesn’t she have school or something?” Sicheng pointed out, discarding his muscle tee to straighten out his leotard.

“That’s not my business though. She’s just my student, and since she’s still here, I have to entertain her while she waits.”

Before your friends said anything back, the artistic director of the ballet company strutted her way to the center of the room. It’s a common rule here that once she entered, everyone must be silent to listen and race to any free spot in the numerous barres spread out if they haven’t.

“Alright, everyone. We’ll do the typical barre, then before doing across the floor exercises, I’ll be requesting those performing solos already in the recital to dance any variation tonight as another evaluation on who deserves to perform twice.” She eyed the pianist directly beside her. “Proceed first with two demi-pliés then one grand plié. Don’t forget to do the port de bras of each position.”

As the live piano music played, your focus was divided. Partly properly executing the exercise while your artistic director roamed each barre area, partly thinking about what variation to perform. This was a first for the company, and everyone was just stunned to hear the breaking news. It’d be nice to get an extra opportunity to showcase to people your potential.

30-40 minutes flew by quickly. As the guys carried the bars to the side to clear out the floor and the girls changed to their pointe shoes, the artistic director ordered all the performers of the recitals to stand in a line in front of her. Everyone else was seated around the room, so the interested eyes of everyone were on you. There were 10 performers, half are from the corps and the other half are either demi-soloists or soloists. You and Sicheng stood beside each other, internally shaking with nerves under the intimidating eyes of the artistic director. She used to be a principal dancer for the Stuttgart Ballet in Germany before moving back to Seoul, making her undeniably capable of leading all of you.

“Okay,” From her seated position observing the 10 performers, her finger pointed at you directly. “Ms. (Y/L/N) (Y/N), you perform first.”

Your nerves intensified and more sweat streamed out your upper body. Even if going first felt more relieving, no one was ever brave enough to perform individually in front of the esteemed artistic director. Principal dancers aside from Ten that you’re close with were intimidated when they have 1-on-1 or partnering sessions with her. But anyhow, in less than 2 minutes, you’d be done. This wasn’t the first time she’s had your full attention either, so you’ll treat it like the other individual performances you’ve had.

You smiled to yourself when the other soloists left you alone, while you gave the name of the variation you’re dancing to the pianist. Running to the side to put on a practice tutu, the artistic director asked, “What will you be dancing for us tonight, (Y/N)?”

“I’ll be dancing Queen of the Dryads from Don Quixote.”

The last time you did this variation was 3 years ago during the recital that didn’t change your position as a soloist. Even if this variation hurt to think about for a while, it was still one of your favorites to watch and do. Moving on, you could only muse how powerful and beautiful you felt at that time. This isn’t an easy piece to perform in your opinion. Yet according to the members of the company, this was their favorite solo of yours.

As the starting notes unfolded, you took a deep breath and elegantly walked into the frame. You only wished you wore your fake crown again for this. Minimal smiling and light arms, you imagined yourself as an actual queen who captured the eyes of many. In this case, your fellow seniors and juniors held their breaths at the captivating sight of you.

Off you go into a series of glissade jeté developpé on relevé at elevating heights, then a fouetté arabesque and another arabesque on relevé before ballet walking again to the side to dance across the stage. Sissonne to the front, right developpé to the front on relevé, pique to prepare for a single pirouette, you gracefully did a chassé to the front twice and stood on your toes with a sus-sous.

Doing it a few more times, the climax of the entire variation was nearing. Returning to the center, you took another deep breath and lifted your left leg for the Italian fouettés. Spotting to the front and back while maintaining your balance, the variation approached its end with lame duck turns, posing with your arms were positioned at a 45-degree angle, your back slightly arched and your left leg doing a tendu derriére. Your eyes reflected at the mirror in front, surveying your alignment. Once your 5-second hold was finished, you properly put your arms down and closed your back leg into 5th position.

The applause from everyone in the room roared, Ten and Sicheng wolf-whistling even for more support. It’s a usual thing every time any of you perform individually, and no one minded it. The artistic director grinned, giving a quiet clap from the front before calling out the next performer, who was from the corps. Bowing to everyone hastily, you paid more attention to spot your student by the window. She was smiling ear to ear, waving both hands at you.

“You did amazing, Teacher!” She mouthed. Hearing words of praise from members was one thing, but hearing them from students was another. You’re so used to watching them and giving them your compliments that you often forget that you’re a dancer first before a teacher. Seeing them all delighted, saying that it motivates them more, showed that you’re doing a great job teaching them. You’re a reflection of what you pass down, and all you want was for them to be the best they could be.

From her jolly expression, a tall masculine silhouette hovered a part of the window. Her instinct of giving a brighter smile when the hand of said silhouette patted her head then carried her duffel bag again, that could only mean one thing. Excusing yourself to the artistic director, you stepped out to bid your goodbye and maybe meet her father. Minji and the tall man were about to leave the building if it weren’t for your breathy voice calling them out.

“Seo Minji and Mr. Seo?”

They stopped their tracks. Minji was fast to react, familiar with your voice and racing towards you for a sweaty hug. Meanwhile, your focus shifted once the masculine silhouette came into full view. You finally understood why Minji’s growth spurt spiked up, noticing that he was taller than Sicheng.

The top buttons of his shirt were off, yet he kept his formal blazer on. His hair was a bit tousled, some strands falling in front of his forehead. He must’ve run here. Peeking through were some roots of his scruff growing. His eyebags were almost as dark as his brown hair. Yet by the way his Rolex remained spotless, you blatantly assumed that he was more than well-off. Especially when the ballet academy was one of the most prestigious ones in Seoul.

Out of all the parents you’ve met, none of them appeared youthful like him.

“Teacher (Y/N)?” Thanks to Minji, you moved your staring eyes away from him. This was another first, since meeting only the fathers of your students wasn’t your norm. Meeting young-looking fathers, to be specific.

“O-Oh,” You ate your words, suddenly blanking out. “You’re leaving me without saying goodbye, Minji? Not polite of you.”

“My father was rushing right after watching your performance, and I don’t know why.” She responded, her finger scratching the top of her head in confusion. Speaking of said father, his strong presence appeared right in front of you. The wrinkles of his forehead creased while his eyes barely looked at yours.

“Uhm,” His fingers toyed with his Rolex. “I apologize for my tardiness. I got caught up in work and all, plus her nanny le-”

“Mr. Seo.” You halted his rambling, already aware of the situation. Like father, like daughter. “It’s fine. Minji loved watching us practice while waiting, and she wasn’t a bother either. You have nothing to worry about.”

“Phew.” He swiped an imaginative bead of sweat from his forehead, displaying his relief with his playful nature.

At age 23, Johnny Seo started his own company in the fashion scene and it grew internationally in the coming years. Then when Minji unexpectedly joined the picture, he’s been multi-tasking to make ends meet. Lately, as a CEO, he has had meetings and conferences on a daily. So, his position as a single father was always tested. It worsened when he rarely has proper time to spend any time with Minji unless it’s the weekend or late in the evening. Breaking it down, it wasn’t because he didn’t want to meet you. It was more like he couldn’t when his schedules were packed from head to toe.

Having the guilt of taking your precious time, “Seriously though, I am sorry for being late. Her nanny resigned suddenly, and I have no time to find her replacement.”

“Mr. Seo, again, don’t worry about it. As her teacher and a company member, I am practically here 24/7 so it won’t be a nuisance at all if this happens again.”

“Thank you so much, Teacher (Y/N). That is your name, right?” He planted his palm on his forehead, stressed. “Being a single parent is hard. I am always forgetting things.”

A part of you couldn’t restrain from feeling sorry for his struggle. Taking care of a child should be the work of both the mother and father, not one of them being absent. You’ve feared this would harm Minji, but she’s a strong girl.

“The fact you didn’t forget to fetch Minji despite the late time is still something to be happy over. I’m not a parent or anything, but parenting, in general, is a challenge.” You added an insight, patting the head of the young girl beside you. “Cut yourself some slack, Mr. Seo. I’m sure Minji still loves you, right?”

Minji shouted a big yes, now clinging to the leg of her father. “It’s okay, dad. Really.”

Over the years, Johnny has been doubtful of his parenting skills. He was an only child, and he struggled to ask for guidance from his own parents due to the shame of having a kid at a young age. So, he’d ask for help from his other friends and co-workers. No matter how many times they’ve reassured him that he’s doing well, he’s an overthinker who always reflected on the bad scenarios. There’s also that pressure to find someone who can fill that absent position not just for Minji, but for himself too. No matter how many girls he’s asked out or been set up with, he failed in the love department badly.

It’s the soothing way you voiced out your truth that made all these negative thoughts running through his head freeze briefly. Over the past 3 years since Minji started ballet, she always had a great story about you to share. One of them was how ballet made her a lot happier because of your influence. If he had at least an hour of his day to meet any of his daughter’s mentors, it would’ve been you.

“Do feel free to call me Johnny instead.” He casually introduced himself, taking his hand out for you to shake. “Mr. Seo makes me feel like I’m at work right now.”

Despite his informal approach, you understood his intentions and returned the action with a promising smile. “Pleasure to finally meet you, Johnny.”

“Pleasure is all mine, Teacher (Y/N).”

Earlier, the nerves from performing in front of the artistic director died down fast. But for some reason, they rose back up when you’ve spoken to this man in a matter of minutes. As someone whose feelings don’t flourish in a single glance, why did this man specifically deliver you such a strong effect?

If it weren’t for Ten calling for your name by the door, you would’ve held on to Johnny’s hand longer, which would’ve been inappropriate. Letting go first, this was your cue to return to your class.

“I must head back inside, Johnny. Don’t sweat on fetching your daughter late, though she is still a student with school the following day. Right, Minji?”

Minji nodded as Johnny kept that mind, knowing where he has to improve next.  “Yes, Teacher (Y/N). Thank you again, sincerely. I’ll definitely see you again in the coming days until Minji has a new nanny.”

“That’s no problem with me at all, Johnny.”

Soon as Johnny held his daughter’s hand to exit the studio and you were re-entering the studio with an impatient Ten, he swerved swiftly as if he forgot something.

“Oh by the way Teacher (Y/N), I saw your whole performance awhile ago. I was blown away, you deserved the applause.”

Although you could only distinguish his silhouette, you didn’t suppose he watched you from head to toe. Most parents or nannies would’ve dragged their kids out of the studio once they find them like they were on a tight schedule, so this was novel to experience. That performance showed your prime too.

“Thank you, Johnny. See you again soon.”

Giving a final nod, you led yourself back to the studio, not bothering to acknowledge the erupting heat on your cheeks and entire body. Not to sound narcissistic, but compliments weren’t foreign to you. You’re conscious of the hard work that you put in your talent and if they pointed out your greatness, why would you deny it? However, receiving one from Johnny was like gearing your engine with new fuel.

Before you could try to reject these harboring feelings, Ten was fast to pick up on it. You cannot hide anything from this man at all because body language was like another language he’s fluent in (aside from the other 5). Unlucky for you, the saga continued.

“You’re so into dilfs, (Y/N)!” He shrieked in your ear, nudging your shoulder repetitively. He placed things in his own way, yet they always shocked you because it was so inappropriate. Typical Ten for you.

“Shut up, Ten!” You objected, watching the other performers. You’ve improved in ignoring his remarks over time. That was until Sicheng sat down beside you after his solo and got up in your business. That placed you in the middle of boys from the water sign clan of astrology. They just loved getting down to your love life, going raunchy and whatnot.

“Who’s into dilfs, Ten?”

“A Miss (Y/N) beside you, who met Minji’s dad awhile ago, was basically eye-fucking him.” Ten elaborated, planting his elbows on your leg and gave you a sneaky glare. “Minji’s dad is fine as fuck, guys! I’m telling you, like a literal god! I’m surprised this is the first time he showed up here after 2-3 years?”

“How come (Y/N) is always getting students with good-looking parents? Especially the single moms.” Sicheng slumped his shoulders, attempting to get your attention too. “Is he that hot, (Y/N)?”

“Yah.” Sighing with annoyance, you’ve given up trying to appreciate one of the corps dancers with her rendition of Dulcinea from Don Quixote. “Don’t speak of Johnny like that. You barely know the man, yet you talk about him so unprofessionally."

“Oh, Johnny is his name, huh?” Sicheng sing-songed, bobbing his head. He’s certainly going to stalk him later on social media, you felt it in your chest. Like it was ESPN or something.

“Talking about being unprofessional, yet you’re here referring him as Johnny, not Mr. Seo.” Ten barked back, his lips pursed and one eyebrow lifted.

Just as soon as you could retaliate, the artistic director’s velvety voice boomed the room.

“Alright, thank you to the performers. I will deliberate with the staff and principal dancers over the weekend, and let you know the results on Monday. Now please, let’s proceed to the center.”

Everyone began to spread out on the wide floor, snatching a good position so they could monitor themselves in the mirror. Maybe you’ll defend yourself later after class because now, you needed to beat everyone else and have a crystal-clear view of yourself doing these following exercises.

In the meantime, Johnny was in the middle of driving Minji home. He had a designated chauffeur, but he gave him the night off because he wanted to spend time with Minji. Around this time, she’d be sleeping soundly, but instead, she’s boosting with so much life. She hasn’t even eaten dinner yet, which was the first thing on Johnny’s agenda now.

Playing Coldplay in the car, Minji belted some lyrics from her favorite songs while Johnny smiled to himself while listening to her attentively. Taking a breath, her thoughts reverted to her fantastic ballet teacher and shared them with her father.

“Dad! Don’t you just think Teacher (Y/N) is so cool? Ugh, I want to be just like her when I grow up.”

“Oh, to become a ballerina like her, you have to work hard every day and memorize lessons fast. Are you up for it, Minji?”

“Absolutely, dad! I want to pull off perfect jumps and turns like her one day!”

In the other after-school activities Johnny enrolled Minji in the past, none of them compared to the passion she had for ballet. Her work ethic was alike to Johnny’s: if they want something, they’ll do whatever it takes to make it possible.

Aside from being a star student in her school, she’s aiming to be a star ballerina. Being the supportive father he is, Johnny was on board to do what it takes to make it happen. Unlike his parents trying to mold him into the next heir of their company, he’s all ears to the dreams of his daughter. His only dream for her was to be live long and happy, not to merely pass on anything.

Johnny lost so much in his young life, so he doesn’t want to lose Minji in any way. As much as he loves his profession, he wanted to be an active father as much as time allowed it. He mostly received complaints from others that he’s not prioritizing his time well, but after hearing your kind words, this heavy weight on his shoulders decreased. All this doubt started to vanish after meeting you for the first time.

“Dad! Isn’t Teacher (Y/N) so beautiful?” Minji honored whilst gazing at the twinkling night sky. “She loves what she does and shines at it.”

Johnny was accustomed to his female co-workers throwing themselves at him due to his attractiveness, more than flattered even to have them feeling weak for him. Yes, there were times he used it to his advantage, some he frankly turned down. 

However, the radiance you carried whether you’re dancing or not was something Johnny couldn’t cease wondering about. Unknown to him, he’s the one getting weak. Behold, an unlocked first for the confident CEO.

“Yes, Minji. I do think Teacher (Y/N) is absolutely beautiful.”