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#however.... the person reading this may not be most.......
ivesambrose · 20 hours
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PAC : YOUR AUTUMN BLESSINGS 🍁
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1. 2. 3.
May the remaining months of 2024 lead to a favorable plot twist for all of you reading this 🖤
To book a personal reading with me DM or email me at [email protected]
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• A lot of you will be blessed with foreign travel to a destination that heals this restlessness in your heart. It seems as though you had been fighting against the odds for so long and have also accumulated so much mental strain and grief because you've felt like you couldn't grow where you're at and you're right. You're going to feel the most alive you've felt in a long time. Don't turn down the opportunities that come your way. • Unexpected wealth or income from an unknown or foreign source. • Venturing out of your home or comfort zone. A change in perspective as well. • The sun rising after the darkest hours of your life. It's amusing that it's happening during fall when things usually wither away that you're getting your color back. You may feel like you're Venturing out alone or that your journey is a solitary one. You aren't too bothered because you're so used to it even as it terrifies you. But along the way you'll find people who want to walk beside you even as the cold threatens to sink into your bones. You might just find your soul family this fall. Perhaps home isn't confined to four walls but rather, the people and the places you've yet to step foot into.
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• You'll be blessed with finding a balance in your life that earlier was bound to topple over no matter what you did and how hard you tried. You'll confront certain habits and behaviours that you have and actively choose to work through them. Some of them have been hindering your growth and costing you your own peace of mind as well as relationships. • Improvement in health. As well as recognition and reward in your workplace or emotional fulfillment via the work you do or your lifestyle changes. • Heightened intuition and foresight. Trust your instincts over fear mongering from others. • Possible expansion in social circle or connecting with people you can learn from without being ridiculed. You'll be introduced to people or spaces with a more positive outlook to life and circumstances rather than the ones who have a cynical approach to everything. • A better self concept and increase in confidence. Do not allow anyone to walk over you or be little you in any shape or form. • you may also get the confidence or the money to shop for certain fashion items you had earlier been stalling on or might be gifted the same.
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• You'll be blessed with something rather abrupt. You may not even consider it as a blessing at first till realisation dawns on you. • I significantly see a blessing that's financial in nature something that will aid you in the long term. You might be too fixated at things going wrong at first. Please don't do that. When the opportunity arrives please have the courage to reach for it and make it yours. You may have the tendency to worry to the point that anything good happening for you is too good to be true. Thing is you tend to be blessed in rather unconventional ways. Certain things you may have quiet literally looked over for months or years. This autumn take some time to reflect on certain aspects of your life and how regardless of what was going wrong or what wasn't 'working out' for you had been in your favor all along. The more you bring in your awareness to that the more of these blessings you'll receive. • A lot of you do struggle with mental health as well as sleep issues. You're rather artistic however but may have kept your arts and crafts aside for a long time. You'll be revisiting things that have brought you joy in the past and feel happy this time instead of feeling performative. • Lastly, allow good things to happen to you.
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lazycats-stuff · 1 day
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Hiiii! I was wondering if u could so a batfam x deaf male reader? Where everyone in the family knows sign language and all that. But during one of Bruce's galas the reader gets kidnapped and no one's knows until Damian notices that his younger brothers not there anymore? U can decide how u wanna finish it and its completely if Ur not comfortable writing it. Also I love Ur writing 😙
Oh hell yeah. Thank you for loving my questionable writing though.
Summary: (Y/N) is deaf. That doesn't help him when he gets kidnapped.
Warnings: kidnapping, protective family, fluff I guess...
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Bruce was protective of all of his children. But he was more protective of (Y/N), his youngest child. Why? The reason is very simple. (Y/N) has been deaf since birth and that made Bruce beyond protective. (Y/N)'s brothers were no better than Bruce. Of course, they knew that deaf people could function normally in society. They knew that very well.
However, problem lies in two points.
First one being that they live in Gotham City. Crime is rampant, criminals are absolutely everywhere and the fact is that you get mugged at any point during the day or night. Although most of criminal life in Gotham operates during the night, no one wants to take any chances.
And even though (Y/N) doesn't go on patrol, Bruce still worried about his youngest son. Always has and always been.
The four birds shared the same sentiment. Everyone made sure to learn sign language and how to live with a deaf person. Rules were determined, such as, if entering (Y/N)'s room, just push your hand in and then flicker the lights on and off to signalize that you are entering. Don't approach (Y/N) from behind because he would often get spooked.
(Y/N)'s own words.
The second problem lies in the last name Wayne. Bruce Wayne is a well known businessman in the world. And the world of business is like a sea full of sharks. Bruce knew that very well. One drop of blood and they would be out for you and your weaknesses. And one of those is your public image.
Bruce was a proud father, attending anything that his children might have. Anything there is. He wants to be there for his kids, sue him. He would never allow work to take him away from his children. And the way he presents himself in the public is the way he is. More often than not, he hates how many people can be ignorant about deafness.
Sure, some may be genuinely curious about it and the questions come from a genuine place of interest. Unfortunately, such people are far few in between. Bruce can sniff them out rather quickly. More often then not, they often look condescending. Which is a rather judgmental way of looking at people, yes, but it's obvious.
Whenever they had a gall, one of the boys would be with (Y/N) to translate. And despite the fact that (Y/N) can read lips, he's not a fan of that. If someone turns their head and he can't see their lips, it gets more complicated.
Even now, as they are at the gala full of people, (Y/N) stuck close to his brothers, needing a translator. Bruce and others often rotated, to make sure that (Y/N) knows what's going on and that he's in the loop. (Y/N) was happy with that he wasn't out of the loop. It's not a good feeling to be out of the loop. Hearing or not.
He signed to Jason that he was going to go to the bathroom, who nodded, sipping his drink.
Jason signed back. " Sure, go ahead. I'll be moving around so don't expect to find me here. "
(Y/N) nodded and started walking to the bathroom. Jason glanced at him for the last time before moving to the table with food, ready for a snack. He was hungry and the catering at galas is just great since rich people pay for it. AKA Bruce Wayne pays for it and he also loves good food.
As Jason went to the food table, (Y/N) was on his way to the bathroom. He was about to enter when someone grabbed him from behind, putting a cloth over his mouth. (Y/N) panicked and tried to remember the self defense that he was taught. He tried to break free from the person, but the smell of the cloth made him go out cold.
Something was off. Damian glanced around the room, trying to spot what that something could have been bothering him so much. His eyes moved around the room, trained to find anything out of the normal. Then it hit him.
Where is (Y/N)?
Damian moved around the room discreetly, trying to figure out where he went. He talked to Jason about it and Jason told him about (Y/N) going to the bathroom. But that was far too long ago... Damian now became more suspicious and worried. He was on edge. He could feel himself getting more and more restless, his mind screaming at him that something is wrong.
He quickly walked over to his family as they all took a chance to breathe on the balcony. Damian made sure that they had some sort of privacy.
" Are you alright Damian? " Bruce asked, glancing over Damian. He could feel that something is wrong with Damian.
" I'm not alright father. I can't seem to find (Y/N) anywhere. " He crossed his arms as he leaned on the railing of the balcony. Everyone tensed up at that.
" Hold on, he went to the bathroom the last time I talked to him, " Jason declared and Damian nodded.
" But it's been far too long though, " Damian countered the point.
" Did he come to anyone, at all? " Bruce asked and everyone shook their heads.
" Okay, maybe he went to his room, " Tim said, trying to provide a logical explanation. " But he would have told one of us where he would go. He would find one of us and he would tell us... " Tim muttered, now worried himself.
" Should we check the security cameras? " Dick asked, worried, but trying not to show it.
" I'll check the cameras near the bathroom. " Bruce took his phone out of his pocket and going into his security feed.
Jason remained silent, feeling guilty that he didn't notice sooner. Bruce noticed and put his hand on his shoulder. " Do not blame yourself Jason. Please. You couldn't have known. This is our home and none of us should be on guard in our own home, " Bruce murmured and Jason sighed.
Bruce brought Jason into a hug. " (Y/N)'s going to be fine. We are going to find him quickly. "
Dick and Tim furrowed their brows. " What do you mean? " Dick asked.
" You 4 have to swear to me that you won't tell (Y/N), " Bruce stepped away from Jason and everyone muttered that they won't tell.
" I put a tracker on his suit. It's a small one, " Bruce admitted and everyone was shocked by it. They knew that their suits that they wear for their vigilante activities have trackers on them, but a normal suit, for galas and other events...
" It's only when we are at galas and such. There's no tracker on him 24/7, " Bruce elaborated before his sons could accuse him of something.
" Well, we can't tell (Y/N). But lets go get (Y/N) please, " Tim said and everyone nodded.
" I'll have Alfred make something up and we'll make a story so it doesn't seem suspicious about why we didn't know (Y/N) was taken. "
And that's what happened. They concocted a story about it and once Batman dropped him off at GCPD, Bruce came in as a worried father. Media had a field day with the story, a father and son reuniting after a such traumatic event. Bruce couldn't care less about them, his sons are his priority. Screw the media.
Understandably, (Y/N) was shaken up by the entire ordeal. Anyone would be shaken up after being kidnapped in their own home, but with (Y/N) being deaf, he couldn't hear anyone walking up to him. Not to mention, they put a bag over his head. Being in the dark, not being able to hear...
It tugged at Bruce's heartstrings. The other 4 weren't immune either. Damian, the normally stoic one, was affected by that aspect. Even he saw how scary it was. Not being able to see due to the bag over your head and not being able to hear because you are deaf sounds like hell. Damian saw it as a form of torture. And in a way it is. Sensory depravation. Only being able to feel with your touch or feel vibrations, but still...
Damian still shuddered as he tried to envision it.
The other 3 shared the very same sentiment.
And even now, as (Y/N) was with them, on the couch, bundled up in blankets, sipping some herbal tea that Alfred made to calm him down. Both Bruce and Alfred were trying to calm him down too. Bruce was going to find a therapist for (Y/N), that much is sure. It would have to be someone who can sign though...
Well, he'll make sure to find one. For now, he'll focus on making sure that (Y/N) is calm enough to try and sleep. Buce knew that adrenaline was still pumping, but that it will stop soon and (Y/N) would essentially crash.
Everyone sat around (Y/N), trying to calm him and make him feel safe again. Bruce and Tim were going to see how in God's name they managed to get into the manor. This place is more safer than Pentagon, designed to keep any intruder out. And he was going to find out why they wanted to kidnap him.
The best bet was probably money, but then again, you never know. And Bruce was going to make sure that he knew why. You have to nip the problem in the bud.
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faeruy · 2 days
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One of the things I'm loving about Agatha All Along (among many, many things) is Lilia's sudden outbursts involving tarot. So far we've had two cards mentioned, and I kinda wanted to analyze how they're being used. Note; I'm fully just an amateur hobbyiest when it comes to tarot, I mostly use it as a backdrop to my homebrew D&D campaign cause I enjoy the symbology of it, so I may get things wrong.
So first up -
Three of Pentacles - This one is triggered when Lilia sees the 'Three Star' on her eviction notice and she writes down the names of the rest of the coven. This one is pretty straightforward - at its most basic Three of Pentacles represents teamwork. Kinda important when you're forming a coven. It emphasizes collaboration and shared goals, all the things Agatha is going to need to survive the Road.
What I find interesting is that the Reverse reading is equally important; lack of cohesion, conflict, poor motivation, and ego are all part of the Three of Pentacles Reversed. They are also very much Agatha's flaws, and her current predicament is a direct result of those flaws.
So all in all, it's use in Agatha All Along is pretty straightforward; Agatha needs a team, they need to collaborate and work together. They, especially Agatha, need to be wary of ego, selfishness and disharmony, or they will fail.
The High Priestess - This one is triggered the first time Lilia meets Jennifer Kale. This one is waaay more interesting in what it means, IMO. In it's upright position, the High Priestess invokes intuition, sacred knowledge, and the subconscious mind. It speaks of femininity, although maybe not quite as strongly as the Empress. It makes sense for Jen; she's the most overtly feminine of the witches, wearing soft, light pink when Lilia meets her. Her speciality is Potions, which speaks to having a good deal of specialized knowledge.
However, this is a case where on first glance, the Reverse is actually stronger in Jen. The High Priestess Reverse is all about the disconnect from intuition, withdrawal, and repression. Like a witch who has been disconnected from her magic because she's been bound. It's no wonder that Lilia pegged her as The High Priestess immediately, since she seems to represent at least parts of both aspects.
What's really interesting though is what we see in the third episode. It's a trial, especially tailored for Jen, and we see just how fully she represents The High Priestess. Her self-doubt, caused by the disconnect from her magic, is STRONG, because she doesn't trust the intuition and knowledge that still exist within her. They only survive when she starts to trust herself again. There's also kind of a neat detail about the fact that they all hallucinate - bringing their subconscious to the surface - which is just another facet of the High Priestess.
One other fun thing; I very much doubt this was intentional, but The High Priestess is 2 of the Major Arcana, which makes it the 3rd card (since The Fool is 0). This is the 3rd episode of Agatha All Along, but since the first 2 were shown together, this is the 2nd night of aired shows. I just think it's a fun connection.
It does suggest that the show is using the cards to do some decent foreshadowing. For sure at the end of the 2nd episode, I assumed that the reading wasn't that deep, and for the Three of Pentacles, it may not be. But after the third episode and the way Jen's connection to the card grew stronger, I'm more interested to see what other cards will be mentioned and what role they'll play in the show. I know Lilia is holding The Tower in one of the promo posters, and I can't wait to see if that ties into Lilia personally, or if it's just part of the general theme of the show. It could go either way - The Tower represents chaos, and one of the working subtitles of the show was Coven of Chaos, so it's possibly just a reference to that.
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Choice (Halbrand x fem!Elf!reader)
-> in which you try to persuade Halbrand to follow you to the Southlands, regardless of his past
Warnings: surprise kiss, heavy make-out, implied smut (in a public place)
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You don’t even receive a greeting. Before he even turns to face you, the first words out of Halbrand’s mouth are:
“Has she sent you to persuade me?”
He sounds bitter, and you don’t fault him after Galadriel had promised his service to the Queen of Númenor without his consent. She thought it might coax him into following her to the Southlands, but all it had done was earn her his supposed king’s sigyl, unceremoniously dumped into her hand as he told her to find someone else. Now, that pouch rests in your hand, but it wasn’t what drove you to come find him in the smithy.
“She meant to persuade you herself,” you tell him. “I pointed out that what she had to say would most likely not be well received.”
Halbrand gives a mirthless chuckle. “In that, you were correct.” He finally looks up from the table of daggers he has forged, and fixes you with a displeased gaze. “Yet here you stand, prepared to speak in her name.”
“Not in her name.”
“Why did you seek me out, then?”
There’s a challenge in his voice, and any other time you would gladly take it up. But, however much you might enjoy it, there had been enough playful banter between you. Now is the time for honesty, even if it doesn’t come easily.
“Galadriel is a dear friend of mine. I trust her. However, I... do not always agree with her.” That confession seems to spark his interest, if only a little. He raises an eyebrow, waiting for you to go on speaking. “She has convinced herself that you are the lost king of the Southlands. And, once a thought has entered her mind, well... it isn’t easily dislodged.”
“She has ‘convinced herself’?” he repeats pointedly. “So, you believe me when I say that,” he points to the pouch in your hand, “was never mine?”
“I believe...” With a sigh, you set the pouch down on the table, leaving it behind as you step closer to Halbrand and hold his gaze. “It doesn’t really matter what I believe. It doesn’t matter who you were. Only who you choose to be. The path ahead of you. And the one behind you, whatever it held, it has put you in a position where you can reclaim what was once yours and put an end to the suffering of so many.”
He eyes you with a mix of intrigue and disbelief, crossing his arms over chest and moving closer to you himself. “You would have me lie to the Númeóreans and Southlanders alike? Claim a crown that is not my own? I did not take you for such a deceiver.”
“I would not have you do anything,” you counter, undeterred by his skepticism. “You are your own person. But I would hope to see you lead. Inspire. Unite. Not because of your blood, but because... Because I can see that you have the makings for it. Because, even if the sea didn’t put a born king in our path, it certainly revealed to us one who can become it.”
Something shifts in his gaze. You think there is some sort of hope in it, mingled with sorrow, but you can’t quite read it. As long moments pass without a response from him, you begin to feel discouraged, thinking you have overstepped.
“It’s a great deal to ask, I know,” you admit apologetically. “It wasn’t right of Galadriel to deceive you into leaving the island, regardless of her belief. If you truly wish to stay here, I will speak with her and—”
It happens in a flash—one moment you are speaking, the next he has taken your face in his hands and pressed his lips to yours. There is a moment of surprise, a small sound that escapes your throat, and then you’re kissing back, matching his urgency.
You hadn’t expected this. You’d felt the tension, the occasional flirtation in the words and looks exchanged between you. You may have denied to Galadriel, but not to yourself that you were beginning to harbour desire for this man you had met at sea. Yet somehow, whether because he wished to stay on the island, or because of your different natures as man and elf, acting on those feelings always seemed out of your reach, and you had put such thoughts aside.
Now, however, all thoughts of restrain are shattererd. Under his kiss, demanding and deep, you can’t help but savour his taste, tighten your fists in the fabric of his clothes to pull him closer. He smells of fire and metal and some musky personal essence that captivates your senses, and his stubble is rough against your cheeks in the most delightful way. You’re not sure whether he is the one pushing or you’re the one pulling, but you stumble back until your thighs meet the edge of the worktable. Consumed by desire, you have half a mind to toss aside all the knives laid out there and hoist yourself up onto it—but then he suddenly pulls away, leaving you wanting. The hunger in his gaze scorches you to the bone, but beyond it is a sentiment yet more feral which seems to hold him back.
“You say these things,” he says, breath heavy and voice gruff as if frustrated to the point of rage. “You say I should be king. You return my kiss, you welcome my touch. But if you knew what I did before I ended up on that raft... If you knew how I survived...” His thumb grazes your lip, his eyes dropping to it with a kind of tragic longing. “You would sooner plant a knife in my chest than put a crown upon my head,” he all but whispers, “let alone give yourself to me.”
His touch is gone then, and he pries himself away from you—or rather means to, for you catch his hand at the wrist and keep him still, holding his gaze unwaveringly.
“Do not presume to know my mind, Halbrand,” you say sharply. “I’ve had my fair share of fights. Of deeds I wish I could undo. It’s all ashes in the wind now.” You release his hand, trying to tame the fire he had stoked within your own chest and speak calmly. “If you wish to turn away from me, that is your choice alone. But don’t pretend like I asked it of you. Because I would not.”
For a while, there is only the crackle of the forge to fill the silence. It’s as if both of you are waiting to see which one of you will leave first—if one of you will leave. Your skin still sings where he has touched it. The air feels charged with promises not yet made. But you want to make them. This alliance, this passion—this folly, if that is what it is—you want it regardless.
In the end, it’s Halbrand who breaks the silence. His eyes stray from you to the pouch that is still on the table, and he speaks as though from a distant dream.
“A man once told me that being good is a choice you make every day.”
“So?” you ask, patiently. “What will you choose now?”
He looks back to you then, and it really shouldn’t take so little for your breath to catch in your throat after all your years of living, but he seems to have a talent for it. It’s because of the intent written plainly in his eyes, even before he returns within your closeness and leans in slowly, until his breath falls warmly on your cheek. This time, he makes no further move. It’s as if he offers himself, waiting for you to decide whether you want to take him or not. There’s a vulnerability to it that makes your heart ache.
You allow your lips to ghost over each other, relishing the thrill of anticipation for a moment before you close the remaining distance. This kiss, unlike the first, is gentle and unhurried. You bring your hand to his cheek, fingers sinking in his hair, and he gathers you into his arms as you taste each other at leisure. So content he seems taking his time that it comes as a surprise when, suddenly, he reaches behind you and clears the table of daggers in one fell swoop of the hand. You break the kiss with a gasp when the metal clatters to the floor, earning a short laugh from you that is cut off by the return of his lips on yours. Finally, he lifts you onto the table, hips bracketed by your thighs. His lips stray to your cheek, then wander to your neck, and you moan his name softly as his hips press into yours. It earns you a groan of your name in return, and a gentle nibble of your skin before he lifts his head slightly, cheek pressed to yours.
“You want this,” he murmurs lowly in your ear, “regardless of what came before?”
Eyes shut, you nod without hesitation as you breathe out, “Yes.”
He hums, and plants a short kiss on your lips. You chase his, but he keeps frustratingly out of your reach before lowering his head to kiss the other side of your neck as well.
“Are you certain?” he murmurs against your skin, and you know from his tone and from the slowness of his movements that he means to tease you, to stoke your desire for him even further.
“If you tease me too long, I might change my mind,” you warn, even if your voice is breathy with need.
Halbrand chuckles softly. “Well,” he says, “I would not risk that.”
And he doesn’t. Any more talk of Númenor, or Southlanders, or of anything at all is firmly postponed until morning. For now, he lays you down on the table, and you shed whatever darkness lies in your past the same way you do your garments. And, for better or worse, you choose to become one. If only for now.
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animasolaoriginal · 3 days
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A B A N D O N E D 🥀 1/3
A new-in-town urban explorer stumbles upon a (not so) well hidden secret in an abandoned building, turning his life upside down when he takes more than pictures and leaves more than footprints.
Normal dude meets broken girl turned sex toy
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WARNINGS: Urban exploration. Implied past rape. Implied past caning. Wounds and injuries. Objectification. Submissive character. Strangers to lovers. Angst. Hurt/comfort. Fluff. Eventual smut*. (More tags on AO3.) WORDS: 7.6k
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A/N: This is a spin-off to my original story INFATUATED, set in the same universe. There's no need to have read INFATUATED, just know that there's a man we refer to as Sir who took in (kidnapped) a girl we refer to as Darling to make her his personal little plaything (but then proceeds to develop “feelings” for her), and this is the story of one of the unfortunate girls before her. A "study" on what a normal dude may think about an abandoned sub. Remember: this is fiction! A product of my own sick little mind, a fantasy. Our guy here may have some opinions later that may or may not stem from my own view on things (just some rants about certain kinks, and if those insult you, please forgive me, I don't mean any kink shaming. Everyone is valid around here – except Sir who might not get the best reviews in this story). By the way, the protagonist may have a name here, but it's only mentioned a few times, so you can still imagine any character here if you want to!
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1 🟢 2 🟢 3
Glass crunches beneath his boots as he makes his way through the abandoned building. It's eerily quiet, just the wind howling through the broken windows and holes in the walls. The occasional rustle when debris or dry leaves move under the breeze. Nature's completely reclaimed this old house that used to be an apartment building with a bunch of tiny shops on the ground floor. Too off the beaten path, the shops became obsolete when a large mall opened only a few blocks away.
He's also in a very bad neighborhood, and nobody seemed to care about this particular building for a long time. Overgrown and broken, glass panes a good target practice for your usual teenage delinquent or bored child, doors ripped off their hinges by age and decay and maybe some random angry dude who needed a place to vent. Furniture long gone, either taken along or stolen later, things that couldn't be moved too easily (like sinks or toilet bowls) smashed into tiny pieces.
Normally he prefers places stuck in time, where tragedy struck and nobody's been back in decades, with faded photos on the walls or on dusty shelves, the smell of slowly rotting armchairs and a hint of mold in the air. Those make the best pictures. Little time capsules, evidence of older times, in the midst of a blooming bustling city. This building, however, looked more promising from the outside.
He raises his camera and takes a shot of a broken window where thick vines of ivy crawl around the frame and up the wall, the light of the setting sun giving the scene a soft glow. He changes the angle a few times, then moves on, up the stairs, looks through open doors into old apartments, mostly empty, walls vandalized with crude, unreadable graffiti, carpets full of dirt and a (not so) healthy layer of mold.
What strikes him as a little unusual is that the hallways look as if used fairly often, leaves and dust bunnies line the sides, but there's a path between the debris, leading further up the building. Not too unusual, these kinds of buildings usually attract a lot of shady people or bored teenagers, some to meet for illegal business deals, other to party hard in a place Mom and Dad cannot find them.
Maybe it's used for all kinds of things as he notices a growing abundance of empty soda cans, broken alcohol bottles and other garbage lying around (the most striking sight was a trail of discarded condoms and empty lube bottles). His destination is the roof, maybe he can at least snap some pictures of the sunset and the city around him from this place, for all he got now are shots of broken windows, nature reclaiming the urban space and your typical down-the-hallway shot. He even found the one-single-chair-in-the-middle-of-an-empty-room motif.
Of course he's not the first urbexer to walk through here, it's been abandoned for a long time, probably old news for the locals, but this is his first time here, in the city too, and he wanted to see as many abandoned things as possible. He heard from others that this house had good bones, meaning stable stairs and floors, no risk of breaking through and landing in the moldy basement with a pipe through your torso. He is looking for adventure, the thrill of being alone in a lost place, inhaling the intoxicating scent of debris and decay, he is not looking to pay a horrendous hospital bill because he's been too careless.
He takes the last section of the winding staircase, stepping onto the upper most floor, the roof access visible at the end of the corridor. There he hesitates. Unlike the floors below him, there's something different here. It's not as dirty, and the most prominent thing: all the doors are intact and closed. It almost looks like an actual floor of a still lived-in apartment building where you would find the same amount of dust and grime on the floors and walls.
Raising his camera, he takes a few shots, cursing when he realizes it's too dark to get it lined up best. The only light source is a badly boarded-up window at the end of the hallway, a tiny skylight above him and the glow creeping up over the staircase from the lower levels. Why is this window boarded up? What's happening up here that nobody wants to have witnesses for? There are other buildings around this one, still functional, mostly, probably for seedy reasons as well, but there's still the chance of people noticing what's going on here.
The closed doors irritate him. Everything else about this building was ripped out and broken and vandalized, nothing left in its former state. He came in through a bent-out-of-shape shutter gate, most of the former shops have so many holes it's fairly easy to get access to the rest of the house. And nobody seems to care about people walking about. There's an old No Trespassing sign near the boarded-up front door, but that's about it.
Though it doesn't surprise him in this kind of neighborhood. He might be new in this city, but he knows a crime haven when he sees one. Everything looks old and run down, shops are only fronts for other businesses, grim looking people stand around, gangs linger in groups in neglected parks or on the curb corners. He also saw some prostitutes walking the streets, looking as worn and shabby as the clothes they were wearing. Most normal people would avoid going deeper into the belly of the beast, but he likes the more dangerous places, and frankly, he fits right in.
Tall and bulky, he could pass as one of those bouncers standing in front of shady clubs, but he looks also young enough to be confused with a fresh gang member or mafia initiate or whatever. At least he thinks so because he's gotten no curious stares as he entered the neighborhood. Though he was glad nobody talked to him, his accent would have given him away for sure.
He feels his heart beating faster when he approaches one of the closed doors, the hairs on his arms rising in anticipation. It's a thrill to find something unusual in a place you've already pushed aside and declared boring. His hand grabs the door handle, twists it... and nothing happens. Locked. A locked door in an abandoned building. How curious. He tries the other ones, the same thing occurs. When he reaches the last door, he almost jumps back when the knob turns and the door opens with a click and then a creepy squeak.
One open room on a floor full of locked doors. His breath quickens, but he forces himself to remain calm. He doesn't even know what he's expecting, but it certainly wasn't this. The room is almost bare (but not as empty as the rooms he's seen before), aged wallpaper peels from the walls, the windows are covered by thick curtains, old and rugged looking, there's a couch in one corner, covered in blankets that have seen better days too. But the most unnerving sight is the bed in the middle of the room.
It's literally in the middle of the room, a sturdy looking metal frame he could walk around if he wanted to. But for now he only stares. There are handcuffs chained to the headboard, ropes tied to the low bed posts. And then there are the stains on the old mattress, lighter and darker ones, some are definitely blood. Old and dried, though one looks a little fresher, on the lower part of the bed. He's mesmerized, disgusted but mesmerized, almost forgets the weight around his neck before a shiver crashes through him.
It's an automated gesture to raise his camera and take pictures of what he sees. Pics or it didn't happen. It's a strange sight, but he isn't sure he wants to share this scene on his official page. He's known for showing off decaying architecture and nature reclaiming its place in the world full of stone and people. To share a potential sex dungeon might not be the way to go. But he still has his side blog. He has to share this, work through the experience, hoping somebody knows something about this.
Though he hasn't even seen everything. Slowly he takes a step into the room. There's a table behind the door, a longer one, fit for a person to lie on, and the leather belts attached to it suggest the same. Fuck. Is this really one of those freaky sex rooms?
He doesn't want to imagine what goes on in here, but he can't completely ignore that he has seen similar settings in various porn clips. Echoes of crying girls crash through his mind, creepily leering men in ski masks standing around the bed, the table, the couch, cocks in hand, others holding paddles, canes, vibrators, ready to torment whoever is unfortunate enough to be strapped to the structures.
He wants to believe there's consent involved, a scene being played out, discussed beforehand, those girls willingly trapped with a bunch of horny men, but sometimes it's hard to imagine that anyone would want to go through that on their own free will. He swallows, only now noticing the stench of the room. Sweat and sex, various bodily fluids all around, with a metallic undertone. Blood.
Shivering he can't help himself, he takes more pictures, walks around the room as if treading on thin ice, careful not to disturb the scene. He's also hyper aware of the noises around him now, the low buzz of the city beyond, voices passing by the building, birds landing on the roof above him, pigeons cooing, crows cawing, seagulls screaming. He tells himself he'd hear if somebody came back to clean up the scene he's witnessing right now. He could flee to the roof, hide it out, maybe find a way down from there.
Goosebumps attack his bare forearms when he rounds the bed and notices a pile of blankets on the floor. But it's the hair poking out of it that makes his heart stop. No. He freezes on the spot, staring down, camera heavy in his hand. He's heard stories of other urban explorers encountering unsettling things, the more harmless one coming into contact with a squatter, either awake or passed out in some corner, and the most disturbing one... stepping onto a crime scene, finding blood, bones... or dead bodies.
Yet instead of panicking, with the urge to run as quickly as he can, he finds himself staring with an obscene fascination. His eyes trail the blanket, noticing how it's wrapped around whatever is curled up inside it, and he bends down a little, crouching beside it, the smell overwhelmingly strong down here. His stomach protests, but his curiosity is too obnoxious to ignore. Shifting his camera into his other hand, he reaches out, carefully, knowing he should probably wear gloves, but he also doesn't care. He has to know.
His fingers grip the edge of the blanket, and he pulls, gently, his eyes widening as the scene unfolds in front of him – together with the body of a girl unfurling from its curled-up position. He will never share his first impression with anyone, because it's primal, an instinct, the thought of a man whose cock has a mind of its own: she's pretty.
Also naked, covered in grime and other substances, pale skin adorned with angry red welts and purple bruises, something pink caked between her thighs. She's on her side, legs scissored open, arms bound behind her back. Her thick dark hair is braided into two pigtails, and one of them seems to be cut off as the hair frays out and lies around her head like a dark halo. Tears and sweat allowed a thick layer of dust and dirt to cake to her face. Eyes closed, long dark lashes clumped, full lips swollen and raw looking, slightly parted.
Before he continues taking in every detail of her, he has the urge to bring his finger to her nose, and the relief when he feels the slightest bit of air movement against his skin lets him exhale loudly as well. She is not dead. And there's the problem. She looks like she should be, like it would be the better fate. The sight scares him as much as it fuels his morbid fascination, which may explain why he's still frozen on the spot, staring at her instead of calling the police or an ambulance or doing anything to help her. He can't take his eyes off her.
Her slender neck is covered in dark bruises as if someone has tried to strangle her, probably thought they succeeded too. Why else would she lie on the floor here? Left behind after whoever assaulted her was done? And assaulted she was. Sexually, physically. The welts on her body look horrible, thin red lines all over her small breasts, her stomach, her hips, her thighs, on her ass as well from what he can tell. She was caned, the poor thing. He hates watching those kinds of porn videos. He can see the appeal of spanking, the hand on ass contact, but hitting someone with a rigid cane doesn't seem very pleasurable, it's only about inflicting pain and having evidence of it days later.
A sadistic move, and sadists were definitely at work here. There are more bruises on her thighs, probably from strong hands holding her down and open while various cocks forced themselves into her holes. He feels his cheeks warming up when he takes a closer look at her pussy. Apart from layers upon layers of what he assumes to be cum and other fluids, there are welts and bruises on there too, on the soft skin of her inner thighs, on her puffy outer lips (that look stretched as if held back and open by clamps or whatever these bastards used), but most are on the strangely swollen clit. Ugh. Genital torture, a genre he really hates. Spanking a woman's clit is just downright sick and barbaric.
The more he looks at her, the worse he feels. Not just for what she had to go through, but knowing he can't really help her. How should he? Call the police and wait for other horny men to find her? He never trusted the cops, and in a neighborhood like this he is certain there won't be a good guy among them. Calling an ambulance may be an option, if he does it anonymously and flees the scene quickly, but that leaves him wondering if anyone ever found her. And again, in an area like this, the people who did this may still be around watching the place, stopping help before it can get anywhere, maybe even finishing the job, killing her.
And if he stays and wait, he will be in danger of those people seeing him, and as he now knows too much, even took pictures of the evidence, what's stopping them from killing him too? And even if they don't find him, he fears the damn hospital bill might be his end. Yes, strange priorities, but his brain is buzzing and he feels sick and nauseous the longer he stays in this horrible room, staring down at the poor girl.
She looks younger than him, maybe a few years, maybe a lot, the pigtails give the illusion she might still be a teenager, but her body looks too developed for that. A thin face with high cheekbones, no baby fat, soft albeit small breasts, a narrow waist, plump hips, thighs just rounded enough to create that amazing thigh gap he likes so much. The initial thought is still there, and his cock agrees, she is beautiful, despite the state she is in.
And maybe that's why he forms an idea in his head: why not take her with him? Away from this place, into safety, then assess what help he can get her. She can't stay here, that's for sure. A better man would face the danger of being discovered by her abusers, to make sure she'll get the care she needs, no matter how expensive and uncomfortable it may get. A better man wouldn't crouch beside her limp body and stare and drool.
But he's not. He's a runaway, dropped out of college to party, then got too old and paranoid to return. Too distracted by the world around him. Traveling on a budget, with just enough money to feed himself once a day, couch surfing, loitering, pissing his life away one day at a time. It's only been during the last years that he's gotten a bit more stable, making a name for himself as a photographer, selling prints and doing commissions, and by coming into this city he's hoped to make it even bigger.
Renting an old loft he hopes to transform into a photo studio one day, he's trying to settle down. He still has barely any money, lives off those stupid strangers willing to pay for his pictures even though they're not even that special. He always hopes for the occasional exceptional find, something he could sell to newspapers, but even those prefer to steal their pictures off other people's Instagram instead of paying for a more professional shot. Tough times.
As he crouches next to the unconscious girl, the hand holding his camera twitches. It's an instinct to raise it, bring it in front of his eyes, look through the finder and press his thumb down to take a picture of her. He feels sick for it, but also... not. She's part of this little sex dungeon, the main attraction, actually, and it's an inborn need to burn her image into a bunch of pixels. Pics or it didn't happen. He considers sharing her story with whatever newspaper may want it, but then his name would be attached to the evidence, he could be linked to this scene, and what's stopping any corrupt cop to call him guilty for this? Or the bad guys to come and erase any kind of evidence? Him and her included?
She can't stay here. He can't keep staring at her. Something has to happen.
Before he puts his camera into his backpack, he can't help but take a few more pictures of her, of her wounds and injuries, of the evidence caked to her skin, the blood trailing down her inner thigh. Maybe justice will come one day, but he'll need pictures of the crime scene to make it happen. He also snaps a few shots of her face, peaceful in slumber, of her soft curves, those tiny feet with the ankles covered in rope burn. Those he does in several angles, maybe he has a future in selling feet pics. And it's not his fault the market exists.
The world is a sick place, and he's just trudging along.
Eventually he stores his camera in his backpack, then moves the blanket back around the girl. His hand finds her cheek, and it's warm to the touch, she's certainly still alive, and probably in pain, so he doesn't want to disturb the few quiet moments this cruel world has given her. He wraps her up and scoops her into his arms, a barely there weight, poor thing looks and feels malnourished on top of being treated so horribly.
Lifting her up, he realizes the light has turned from the soft sunset glow into the harsher, darker tones of the street lamps coming to life. Time to go. Maybe her abusers will return soon. He carries her out of the room, she's warm and soft in his arms, head resting against his shoulder, hair and one half of her face peeking out of the blanket cocoon. She's tiny, in comparison and in general, and knowing her fate he feels even worse for her.
His heart clenches by the time he's descended all those stairs, and when he reaches his point of entry, he hesitates. It's one thing to slip into a building during the day, nobody cares about a man with a camera creeping around old houses much, at least not in this kind of area, but knowing this place is frequently used for terrible little sex adventures, he feels uneasy now. The night is fast approaching, and he knows these kinds of things probably happen when the shadows fall.
Looking around, he decides to find another exit, preferably one leading around the back, and luck is on his side when he finds a broken window looking into a backyard filled with black trash bags. With the girl still in his arms, he climbs through, but slips on something at the last second. Curling his back, trying not to harm her further, he feels his backpack scraping over the rough wall, hoping it didn't damage his camera. It's one of his few prized possessions, but thinking about it, maybe he should reconsider his priorities.
He's carrying a life in his arms, a life he intends to save, so a broken camera, a replaceable thing, really isn't that big of a deal. He can always salvage the SD card inside anyway. No harm done. Rolling his shoulders, he shifts her against his chest, then continues through the dark alley. He's parked the hunk of metal he calls his car a few blocks away, at the edge of the neighborhood, hoping he'll still have all tires when he returns.
And indeed they are all there, as full and dirty as he's left them. The old truck was the last thing he could afford after renting out the loft, so even if he's bound to this city, relying on random strangers to finance his life, he has a means to get away if he has to. For now, he's pulling the passenger door open and carefully puts down the bundle of limbs and hair and blankets, and when he does, she suddenly stirs.
He freezes, staring at her as her eyelids flutter open. A soft groan escapes her, but when her wide eyes, beautiful dark irises, glazed and a little dull, but beautiful nonetheless, meet his, she stiffens too, lips parted, and he expects a scream, a distress call, anything, but she doesn't issue a single peep, just looks at him, almost calm, probably just glad she's still alive or thinking she died and woke up in a weird realm between the worlds where it's normal to wake up in unfamiliar places, facing unfamiliar people.
He still feels the need to calm her. “Hey, it's alright. No need to be afraid, I'm not here to harm you. I want to help you, okay? Do you understand?”
She blinks, her lips trembling, but then she utters a barely audible “Yes, sir”, and he feels his heart jumping a little. To his own shame, his cock does the same. He clears his throat, nods to her, then closes the door with a thud and rounds the car, putting his backpack into the covered truck bed. Her eyes are following him when he slips behind the wheel, despite her slouched position on the seat. She's eerily quiet, not at all concerned about a strange man packing her into his car.
He watches her as he pulls the seat belt over her small frame, then buckles himself in. “You'll be alright,” he says softly, giving her the hint of a smile, and she continues staring at him. She must be in shock, no other way to explain this behavior, probably fighting the pain coursing through her, the soreness and burning, the stickiness between her thighs, the memory of the whole ordeal. He can't blame her. It must have been absolute hell.
He starts the car, glad it does so on the first try, and maneuvers it back into the nightly city traffic until they reach the old warehouse at the edge of it. It's the cheapest he could find, between two concerning neighborhoods, but those are still better than the one he found her in. At least he has running water and electricity, and a bed. Hmm. One bed. He'll give it to her for now, trying to squeeze his big body onto the small couch. It'll work.
She's still only staring at him when he unbuckles her and picks her up, though her breaths are a bit more labored. Maybe the shock is fading, letting through the pain more and more. He hums soothingly to her, tells her it'll be alright, knowing the more he'll repeat that, the more she'll believe it. It's his life motto too, fake it till you make it. She's that pliant body in his arms as he carries her to the old elevator, hoping it'll last another day.
When he reaches his apartment door, he shifts her in his hold, and she winces, a horribly pathetic little sound he hopes never to hear again. “Sorry,” he mutters as he fumbles for his key and unlocks the door. “You'll feel better soon, I promise.”
Her warm breath hits his neck as she presses her face closer against him, a strangely submissive gesture, a naive hope to trust a stranger. He takes her straight to the bathroom, where he sets her on the closed toilet lid and slowly unravels the blanket from around her. She's sitting perfectly still, the only movement coming from her almost curious eyes as she watches his every move. She winces when he brushes against the welts on her skin, chest rising and falling a little faster, but that's about all the motion he gets from her.
When the blanket falls away, she's that naked thing covered in sweat and cum and blood, and it occurs to him what a strange situation this is. For him to just take her away, without informing anyone, authority or not, and for her to just accept it like this. She's awake, maybe a little dazed, but conscious enough that a normal girl would stir more, talk more, fuss and strain against his touches, maybe even try to flee or do anything to ensure her own safety.
But she is just sitting there, arms folded behind her back, watching him. She doesn't seem real. Like a robot. A brainless toy... And it occurs to him, that might just be what she is, what she has been. A body to use, handed around between vulgar men, an object to utilize in their sick fantasies turned reality. Of course he's no stranger to the news, especially the darker ones, those about trafficking and forced sex work, even if those stories barely make it past the usual political drama. It's another one of those morbid fascinations he can't seem to break.
He might just be as sick as those actually partaking in these illegal little sex gatherings, he's watched those videos, even though he's handled them like any other porn he's come across. As fake, a scene played out, a fantasy made as real as movie magic can make it, but to find this girl in this room, discarded and abandoned like a broken doll, left behind after everyone else was done and satisfied in their twisted, primal needs, shows him that those were not scenes, not fake, but brutal reality. It makes him angry.
“Can you stand?” he asks her quietly, tilting his head as he towers over her, and she nods, looking up at him, before straining her bruised body when she tries to move. His hands find her elbows, and she flinches, but lets him pull her onto her feet. “Oh fuck, your arms, I forgot,” he presses out, and quickly leans back to grab a pair of scissors off the counter behind him, then carefully moves around her to cut through the ropes holding her wrists and forearms together. When he's done, he lets her go, and she sways, arms flailing a little, her hands twitching as if she wants to hold onto him. He guides her into the shower, then steps back. She turns around immediately, eyes wide. “Do you need help?”
She bites her swollen lip. “Please,” she croaks, and the hoarse sound of her voice breaks his heart (but also thickens his cock). He nods, swallows hard, trying to fight the strange warmth pooling in his stomach, before he toes off his boots, strips off his hoodie and jeans, then steps behind her in just his boxers. He wants to show her he's not a predator, but he also doesn't want to get his only good pair of jeans wet and dirty. One day he'll be able to afford another one.
He grabs the shower head and turns the knobs on the wall, waiting for the water to heat up. She's shivering, her frail little body so tiny in front of him, one hand rubbing up and down the other arm, a mindless gesture, trying to ease her nerves probably. Her eyes, however, stay on him and his every move, very attentive, almost eager. It should feel a little bit more bizarre to share a shower with a girl he's just met (or rather found), but it's as if he's running on instincts, feeling the need to help her, make her feel better, ease her pain.
The steam fills his nostrils, and when he puts the water jet to her shoulder, she winces, flinches away, lets out a little whine, but ultimately returns under the spray and lets him clean the grime and sweat and other substances off her skin. He's careful not to put too much pressure on her bruises and the welts, and is glad they didn't break her skin, even though they look horrible, shining in a bright red as if the blood is pulsing just beneath her pale skin.
When he lowers the shower head to point it between her thighs, he hesitates, looks at her, but all she does is take a little side step and spreads her legs a bit more to allow him to do so. So fucking obedient, it's almost scary. The grime on her inner thighs is so persistent that he has to move his hand over her skin before he realizes he should probably use a wash cloth. Stepping back, he leans around the open door and grabs a small towel, wets it and then proceeds to rub the dirt (and cum and other things he doesn't want to think more about) off her thighs. She whines quietly when he moves the soft cloth over her folds, and he holds his breath, trying to be as gentle as he can be.
When he touches her clit though, she shudders and gasps, legs trembling, and her hand is on his arm then, holding on tightly, with a strength he wouldn't have expected from her. He watches how her eyes roll back, how her lips part and a little moan escapes her, and he just freezes, wash cloth pressed to her sensitive nub, unintentionally drawing a strange little orgasm out of her. Was she trained to be this sensitive, so responsive? To come on touch alone? He didn't even rub that hard.
He takes the cloth away slowly, and she calms down a little, breathing just a bit harder, but when her eyes meet his, she furrows her brows, bites her lip, mumbles a croaked “Sorry” as she lowers her head. He frowns at that, tilting his head.
“Nothing to apologize for,” he says quietly. “I... uh, didn't mean to do that either...”
Is she one of those poor girls who was bound to their master's (or whatever the man called himself who had her) will, to only do as he told her, to come on command, and to feel bad if she does so without permission? What a horrible fate... He would never ask her to hold her orgasm, he would want to see that reaction over and over again, allowing her all the pleasure she can get. Not that he'll ever want to do anything to her, but... in theory, of course.
He keeps cleaning her then, lets the warm water soak her bruised skin, and she just stands there, chin tilted up, eyes closed, wet hair cascading down her back, hanging over her shoulders, one side shorter than the other (how cruel to take away something from her, even as benign as part of her braid, but it's definitely crueler to treat her like a soulless body, and he's glad she's not missing any fingers or limbs instead).
Considering, her state could be worse. She's standing on her own, breathing just fine, she's probably very sore and aching, but the pain will fade and she could have a normal life after this, more or less, not counting the psychological trauma that seems to still hold her hostage. Well, it's not ideal, and maybe death would have been a relief after the torment, but she's young, she can work through this, it's possible. And maybe he can help her cope...
Looking at her petite frame, he feels his stomach tensing. It's wrong to feel like this, he knows it, he shouldn't even allow the smallest little thought into that direction, but he is just a man after all, standing with a naked young woman in his shower, and it's blatantly obvious what his cock thinks about this whole situation. He hopes she doesn't notice the tent in his boxers.
But he shouldn't worry, she doesn't seem to notice much, standing still under the spray of the water, and when he turns it off eventually, deeming her clean enough, she inhales deeply and opens her eyes, blinking away stray water drops. She remains immobile, and while he turns to grab a towel, she doesn't move an inch. When he starts drying her off, rougher than he intends, but his hands feel like they are shaking from the tension growing inside him, she winces a couple of times, but then presses her lips together and endures.
He's watching her like a hawk, apologizes for accidentally hurting her, tries to be as gentle as possible, and her eyes are glued to his face, not completely focused yet, still glazed and hazy, pupils blown for some reason, her gaze almost curious. What a strange little creature. He'd expected a victim of whatever type of rape she's experienced to be more... hysterical?
When he finally wraps the towel around her small body and another one around her damp hair, she seems to relax even more. Then she opens her mouth.
“Thank you, sir,” she whispers, looking up at him before bowing her head.
He stares at her, blinking in confusion. “Uh, you're welcome,” he says. “But, uh, you can call me Sam, okay? I'm Sam. No need for... honorifics or whatever, you know?”
There's a frown on her face when she looks back up, her lips moving as if she's repeating his name in her mind.
“What's your name?” he then asks, leaning against the sink as he watches her.
The frown deepens, her eyes moving away from him, flickering here and there as if she tries to find the answer somewhere in his bathroom. “I...” she starts, eyebrows furrowed before she exhales deeply, her shoulders sagging. “It doesn't matter,” she then replies.
“Huh?” he makes, staring at her. “What do you mean it doesn't matter? I'm sure you have a name. Did you forget?” He kicks himself mentally for assuming as much and for his harsh tone, but it's ridiculous.
She shakes her head, not to say no, but to clear her mind maybe? It's a frantic gesture. “It doesn't matter. I don't matter. I am... I am yours to... to use,” she mutters under her breath, hands clenching into fists at her sides.
“What now?” He gapes at her.
And then she is suddenly on her knees in front of him, the towel falling away, her small body folded with her hands lying neatly on her lap, her chin tilted up, looking at him with big eyes. “Please use me,” she says quietly.
He takes a step back, bumping into the cupboard next to the sink, staring down at the girl. Is she serious? He shakes his head, then walks back and grabs her elbows. “Come on, get up, no need to kneel before me, okay? Get up!”
His harsher, also slightly agitated tone makes her wince, but she's on her feet immediately, letting him pull her up, then stands stock-still before him, head lowered, a soft little whine escaping her. “I'm sorry...”
“Stop apologizing!” He lets go of her and runs a hand through his hair, sighing deeply. “I mean, ugh, wow. I'm sorry, too. You must be... well, you've been through so much, I don't mean to scare you or anything, I just...”
“Please,” she mumbles, breathing a little harder. She's shivering without the towel, the one on her head coming undone as well the more she shimmies on the spot. He stares at her, she has her hands clasped in front of her sex and squeezes her thighs together, small breasts squished, nipples erect, a deep blush almost hiding the red welts on her skin. “Please use me,” she then says again.
“No!” he blurts out, and she flinches, another sob escaping her. He groans. “I mean, come on! I will not just use you, I just met you, I found you! In that freaky sex room after you've been...” He stops when he suddenly meets her gaze. Her pupils are fully dilated, her already dark eyes shining entirely black. “You're in no condition to do anything but relax now, okay? Take it easy. Come on, I'll show you the bed.”
He's about to grab her hand when she turns her shoulder, avoiding his touch. He freezes, frowns. “In... no condition? Am I... not good... anymore?” Her voice is that feeble little hum, a desperate song sending shivers down his spine.
“What? No! You are good, you are perfect, you are so beautiful!” he croaks out, unable to stop the words. She tilts her head, blinking. “I mean, yeah, uh, you are, but that's not what I mean. You are... Look, whoever treated you like this, whoever hurt you, just left you there. And I couldn't not take you, you know? I want to help you, do you understand that? I want you to feel good again after –”
“Then use me,” she whispers, breathing harder, hands falling away from the obedient pose as she rubs them up and down her thighs, still squirming on the spot. “Please, it hurts...”
“Of course it hurts, they hit you with a fucking cane! They raped you!” he shouts, a little too loud, his emotions getting the better of him.
She flinches back, gasping with her lips parting, her eyes wide. “No... no, they were... they had to punish me because I... I was bad... I deserved it... and they... they used me like they should use me...”
Her words are mumbled, but he can still hear them, even though he wishes he couldn't. What a sick way of seeing things. What a fucked-up world where a pretty girl like her has these thoughts planted into her head.
Anger makes him clench his hands into fists. “They shouldn't have done that. You are a human being, a young woman, a beautiful girl, not a doll to play with, not a toy to use!”
She stares at him, eyelids fluttering, chest rising and falling faster, small breasts bouncing. Really not the time to notice that, mate!
“But,” she whispers, wincing slightly as she starts chewing on her lips. “But that... that's my purpose... I am... I am yours to use,” she repeats these last five words like something she had to learn without knowing the meaning behind it.
He approaches her slowly, carefully, his big hands find her small shoulders, and the touch makes her look up at him. “You are your own person. You have a name, even if you can't remember it right now, you had a mother and a father, maybe even siblings. You went to school, you had a job, maybe. You had dreams, everyone has dreams, for the future, things you wanted to have, places you wanted to see. You are not just a body for strange men to use. Not like that. Not without consent! You were not made to be punished, to be hurt because some random sicko gets off on it. Your body is so much more than just... holes to fill... and a canvas to soil with bruises and welts and... cum...”
His voice has become calmer, like a mantra, new thoughts to plant into her muddled brain, so he hopes, and she listens with her lips parted, eyes directly looking at him. Sometimes she frowns, sometimes she blinks, and when he finishes she licks her lips.
“But I want this,” she says quietly. “I want to be used...”
He sighs deeply and lowers his head, then shakes it in frustration. “No, somebody told you you should think like that! Nobody in their right mind wants to be raped and mutilated like that!”
A single sob makes him look up, and he lets go of her, straightening up. Her lips are trembling and her eyes watering before tears stream down her face. He lets out a groan.
“I'm sorry,” he grunts. “I didn't mean it like that! You are valid, whatever you want, of course, but... but you gotta agree it's a little strange?” She only cries harder, her small frame shaking. “Okay, look, no kink shaming or whatever, I just... I assumed, the way you were lying in that room, the state you were in, I thought you needed help! You looked horrible! I was about to call the police!”
She freezes at that, staring up at him. “No,” she gasps. “Don't do that! Please! I... I don't want any trouble... I... I'll do anything, but... please... not the police!”
He raises an eyebrow at that. This reaction surprises him. “Why not?” he asks, crossing his arms in front of his chest. She averts her eyes, breathing harder. He isn't very fond of them either, but why wouldn't she? Why would she prefer being gang raped and beaten and strangled over calling for help?
She presses her lips together, doesn't say a thing. For a moment they are both silent, standing in the bathroom, the naked girl and the guy with his tented boxers. Even now his cock doesn't agree with him. But he doesn't care about it anymore. This is a mystery he wants to unravel.
“Tell me,” he says, tone harsher, pointedly. She seems to reply better to commands.
And it seems to work. “He said he'd kill me if I talked to them,” comes her quiet answer, spoken to the tiled floor.
“He? He who?” he asks, his arms falling to his sides.
“Sir,” she replies, her shoulders shaking.
“Sir? Who calls himself Sir? Who is that? The man who did this to you?”
She shakes her head. “No. He... he found me, he took me in, and then... he... he sent me away because I was... a bad girl and he... he... they...” A series of sobs escapes her before her hands fly up to cover her face. Her cries pierce his heart. “Why did he send me away? What did I do?” she wails softly, muffled from behind her hands. “I was a good girl... always a good girl... did everything he said...”
He can't watch it anymore. While his rage for this unknown man grips his insides, he steps forward and pulls her against him, arms wrapped around her shuddering form, but she keeps crying, lets it all out, desperate and heartbreaking. He scoops her up and carries her to the bedroom, her tears hot on his skin, her whines loud in his ears.
Putting her down carefully, he pulls the blanket over her naked body and tucks her in, gently rubbing her side as she curls in on herself, continuing to cry miserably.
“Please stop crying,” he whispers, sitting down on the edge of the bed, hand still on her hip. “I'm sorry he treated you like that. But he let you go, you said so, so why don't you use that as a chance to move on, look ahead, find a new Sir? Or live your life without any man for a while? I'm sure that's nice too...”
She stares at him from under her clumped lashes, momentarily paused in her sobbing, only to cry out again when he suggests moving on. He sighs, letting her wail and whine until hiccups shake her form. She's not calming down, but she gets quieter, and he stands up then, walking down the stairs into the kitchen to get some water and a snack. When he returns, she's lying on her side, staring blankly ahead, eyes reddened, face flushed and wet, but she's stopped crying for the moment.
He sits back down on the edge and holds the water glass to her face. “Come on, drink something. Please.” She doesn't even look at him. He exhales loudly and puts the glass on the bedside table. “Fine. Well, it's there if you want it. I also brought some crackers, maybe you're hungry. I can get more later. Or just sleep, you definitely need that. Rest, get better, and tomorrow we'll figure something out, okay?”
She doesn't give a reply, and he shakes his head and leaves again, settling on the lumpy couch under the stairs, his eyes drifting back up to the loft area every now and then. He falls asleep thinking it was probably a bad idea taking this girl with him. For his sake. What if she is so sick in the head she'll stand over him with a knife in the middle of the night? Great thought to slumber over, really.
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End notes: *And this was the plot part of our story, stay tuned for the sex frenzy to begin in the next chapter!
There will be three chapters in total, I'll upload every Wednesday.
Thank you for joining me on another little original story I needed to get out of my system.
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AO3 / / / MASTERLIST
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bouquetface · 8 hours
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Navamsa/D9 Observations 4
Accuracy influenced by ENTIRE d9 chart AND natal/langa.
Jupiter in 12th
Husband may be from a different ethnicity, religion or country. OR it may be that they are simply from a different city/province or you meet far from the homeland.
You can spend a lot after marriage and/or later in life. You can desire luxury. Possible examples: First class flights not regular, expensive home, designer bags/watches, etc.
You can desire an intelligent spouse. You will not find an immature person attractive.
You can be generous with this placement. You may donate, volunteer, or simply tip big. You can bless people later in life without realizing it.
Moon in 12th
Strong intuition. You can pick up things that truly shock people. EX: Someone lies, you call them out and intuitively guess the truth, the person is shocked they believe someone else must have told you the truth, there is no way you could have known that.
You can deal with stomach or menstrual problems. You may become bloated easily.
You can have conflict in the wrong workplace. You could find romance in the workplace. Or rumours that you are involved in romance in the workplace.
You can be very compassionate. Depending on sign, you may or may not express it. EX: Aqua moon, you will be empathetic but people may believe you are cold and unfeeling.
You can enjoy quiet alone activities - reading, writing, meditation, yoga, etc.
Your marriage will be deeply passionate. You can cry and feel overwhelmed due to your love for your partner. You are deeply connected and in love.
Sun in 12th
This is an indicator for having good support from your in-laws. However, you may leave behind your own family especially the father. This can be due to conflict or you move further away. You can fight with your father over money.
You are highly likely to live far away from homeland. This doesn't mean you're destined to live in like NYC or London. However, if you work for it that may be the case. But more likely, you simply move further away from homeland like across the country. If you do stay in homeland, you may experience poor mental health. Your soul desires to explore.
This placement is a BIG indicator of paying lots of money to the government. This can be for many reasons - possible examples: You move to a new country, you must pay for visas. You become very wealthy, thus you will pay a lot in tax. Bad manifestation, you pay fees or fines as you get in legal trouble. For more insight search which house is in Leo - ex: 4th H leo + Sun in 12th = You could pay high tax on the home. 6th Leo + Sun in 12th = Medical bills & Work visa.
Accuracy will depend on ENTIRE chart. This post isn't taking into consideration any aspects, where 12th H ruler is, and the most important the natal/langa.
One thing to be aware of is: Sun is the natural 5th House ruler, 5th H is romance. Sun in the 12th H indicates after marriage and/or later in life, one may feel romance is lost as 12th H deals with losses. To reactivate romance, you must move or travel together. Becoming routined and predictable is very likely but easy fix to that issue is try new things/explore new things.
Rahu in 3rd House
You or the spouse exaggerate in communication. Sometimes this manifest as saying things like "I'm going to start a business" however, you never do because truly your soul has no desire for it.
Or, you exaggerate how great the spouse is, this doesn't mean the spouse isn't great but when talking to someone else you will only discuss the spouse's best traits.
The worst manifestation of this placement would be exaggerating so much you're lying. Or it troubles the marriage. EX: You constantly take photos of your things and the spouse for social media. This begins to irritate your spouse. They don't like how obsessed you are with proving you have a good life to your friends and family.
If harshly placed, you can find rumours about you, your spouse and unfortunately even your children. These rumours can be due to social media, your own aunts/uncles, siblings and friends.
That is simply an example. Accuracy will depend on entire chart and especially we have to consider the natal/langa for the full story.
Mercury in 4th House
These people tend to have library, studies and/or offices in their home.
Lots of movement when it comes to home. You can constantly be moving or constantly have people coming over. possible examples: you have many events/holidays at your home, you often invite in-laws or your own family to the home, you have pets, you workout from home.
You can become very good at managing in the home. You know where everything is, you know when to rebuy things, you know when kids need to be picked up/dropped off. You can be in charge of controlling these types of tasks.
If afflicted, the spouse can reveal too much about the home life. ex: they tell their friends or family something you wish they'd kept private. The spouse isn't likely to be doing this to be mean, they may simply talk too much.
Venus in 11th House
People may really support your marriage. This can manifest as a joyful wedding party and/or love/support from both sides of family.
After marriage and/or later in life, you dislike working for other people. You may want to work for yourself. However, this is not the strongest indicator of business ownership.
You will make many friends after marriage. They can be very helpful to you. They are likely to be from different background than you - religion, ethnicity or country or even work/industries.
If you have an older sister, she may be helpful to you later in life. This could be a literal gift or advice. However, check aspects and signs, sometimes it may be conflict that occurs. EX: 11th H Ruler in 8th, your relationship is distant.
You can gain a lot, you can have a nice home, nice cars, nice clothing. However, see if venus is placed well, sometimes this is overspending.
Mars in 11th House
You can cut off friendships after marriage and/or later in life. You can become a social climber - only wanting friendship if it helps you gain status.
Sometimes when placed in connection to saturn (even though mars is exalted in cap), the person can become deeply selfish disregarding their family, their spouse - basically everyone is second to themself. They prioritize money. ex: getting an inheritance from a parent, you find a way to keep it for yourself even though you know it should be divided amongst your siblings.
On the bright side, your in-laws can be a good support to you. They can be kind and helpful to you. This is only one indicator though. Check 8th House and 8th House ruler placement.
Mars can want to fight for causes too. If not fighting with people you can fight FOR people. You can become interested in social movements.
Ketu in 9th House
Late marriage indicator. You can be very specific with what you want, you're attracted to very few people.
Disconnect with the father.
If harshly placed, you can be cheated out of inheritance due to family members.
Check entire chart d9 & natal for full accuracy.
11th Ruler in 8th House
Poor relationship with elder sibling is likely.
You keep friendships and social network secret. You may rarely post or discuss who you’re connected with socially. This can be due to many reasons depending on entire chart.
Your friends can be deep thinkers. They like to get to the root of the problem. They may discuss theories with you. They are not afraid to discuss the taboo.
You can gain through hidden things - ex: law work, psych or counselling work, earning through oil because it is literally hidden underground.
You may keep your gains hidden. ex: couple doesn’t tell family or anybody how much money they have. they don’t care to show off. they don’t want family to ask for help. this is just an example though.
Depending on if the ruler is well placed in the 8th, you could experience ups and downs with your gains. You suddenly lose, you suddenly gain. Be cautious of gambling and other reckless money choices.
Ex: Saturn is ruler of 11th placed in 8th = This suggests a steady but slow rise. It’s less likely you experience ups and downs unless you try to rush or cheat saturn. A long life is likely.
Mercury in 8th House
The spouse isn’t likely to bring wealth into the marriage. However, they are an asset in making money together. They can be good at budgeting. They can be good at closing deals.
The couple will be secretive in communication. You won’t like to sharw what you’re talking about with anybody. Neither person goes repeating the convo to their family or friends. You keep your plans and secrets private.
However, this placement brings in gossip. People will have negative assumptions about you due to rumours. This is even more likely if Mercury is in scorpio 8th H. You guys are so private, people basically just stuff making stuff about you guys. Or you find out people are gossiping and then become private as a result.
You can have to interact with one another’s families a lot. You may be social and attend many events. You may genuinely enjoy spending time with families. You or spouse may feel forced as one person does enjoy it while the other does not.
5th Ruler in 9th &/or Rahu in 9th
These are often in the charts of people who convert to a religion to marry their spouse.
This is not always the outcome. Entire d9 and marla needs to be taken into consideration.
Sun in 11th House
These people are very devoted to the spouse and children. They make sure spouse and kids are okay before thinking about themselves.
These people often end up the main provider for the family after marriage. They can make more than spouse. The spouse may stop working later in life. Or they have main control over money management - ex: you both work but you do the taxes. If you do not like supporting the spouse financially, this can lead to problems.
You can have many friends later in life. However, some are likely to try to be snakes.
You can gain high status amongst your social circles and career.
Accuracy influenced on ENTIRE natal and d9. The d9 can’t be read without the natal.
Jupiter in 11th House
This suggests you will gain through your own mother after marriage and/or later in life.
This is an indicator for more sons than daughters.
You can have educated friends/social circle. Friends from many different backgrounds. You may have many friends. You can be fortunate in your friend group.
You can desire a big home. The children can add to your gains.
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Note
As a person of evident good judgement, I'm sure you're familiar with the works of the late, great Sir Terry Pratchett. He has the rare skill of mixing philosophy and politics into his comedy, it's quite delightful.
One such example is in his novel 'Going Postal'. He introduces the idea that, “A man’s not dead while his name is still spoken.” It's a beautiful sentiment. But I must confess, some of the shine has worn off it for me in recent years.
I'll cut to the chase: I died of typhoid fever in 49CE. And I mean died. I was done and gone and passed, leaving no more ripples on the surface of the world than any other Joe Nobody. My name had been long forgotten, the stone marking my grave long since worn away.
And then, to my surprise, I returned.
It started slowly, a gradual stirring of awareness. Then, in a great crashing wave, I arrived – full and real and vibrant, as alive as I had been before my sickness.
I've since learnt that there was an archaeological dig near my old home a few years ago. They discovered the stone, deciphered it despite the wear. My name returned to the world - and I returned with it.
At first I was just being mentioned in academic circles, cited here and there. Nothing dramatic.
But then hen, a writer named a character after me in a miniseries about Roman Britain. My name was on millions of lips - apparently I'm something of a fan favourite.
But I've seen the programme and it's all wrong! The character is nothing like me, for starters. And the life they've painted… Well, it is a good effort, I suppose. But it is not my life.
This is to say nothing of the fan interpretation. They barely seem to care about the text of the show at all! They extrapolate wildly, especially about my relationship with a certain centurion. The two of us share barely more than a minute or two of screen time!
I don't mind being back, per se. I enjoyed being alive, and I'm enjoying being back - especially the chance to catch up on my reading.
How can I correct the people's misinterpretations of me and my life? Or should I just let it go and enjoy my resurgence - however long it might last?
First of all, reader, congratulations on returning to this plane of existence. Unexpected as this return might be, I'm glad you're still finding ways to enjoy this new lease on… not life, exactly, but something rather like it.
I can well imagine how frustrating it might be to see people attaching your name and identity to an otherwise fictional character. But I think emphasising that difference is the first step in coming to terms with the situation.
This writer has shown a remarkable commitment to authenticity by choosing the name of a real Roman Briton to use in their screenplay. But seeking to create authentic fiction is a very different ambition than seeking to create a fully accurate representation of past events and the people who lived them.
I wish I could tell you that the viewers of this programme will understand this difference. Many will, but it is an unfortunate truth that people often take historical dramas at face value and may not fully appreciate just how much of what they see has been at most tenuously inspired by historical research, and more likely invented whole cloth by the writers themselves.
But this is a misinterpretation of a television programme, not of you. These viewers are engaging with a piece of fiction, not with you as a real, historical person. This is especially true of those viewers who “extrapolate wildly” about the relationships between fictional character. They aren't misinterpreting you – they're creating their own fictions, inspired by the fiction they've consumed.
With that said, many fans of historical fiction are also interested in actual historical research. If you really want to educate people about life in Roman Britain, the fans of this programme might be a particularly receptive audience. You could try posting on social media about your experiences, using the events in the programme as a jumping off point for your discussion of real history.
Do tread carefully, though. You need to keep a clear distinction between yourself as a real, historical figure and the character who bears your name. You aren't trying to “correct” the television programme or criticise its portrayal, but rather offering your reflections as additional insights for anyone who might be interested.
Please remember though, you are under no obligation to engage with this fan community at all. I see no reason at all why you can't simply leave them to their extrapolations, and concentrate on enjoying yourself for as long as you're with us.
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creepypastasirl · 4 months
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shoutout to marble hornets irls that get lumped into the creepypasta horde against their will i really feel for you guys. stay strong out there
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nostalgia-tblr · 1 year
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I feel like anyone who's about to embark on attempting to type out a character's accent phoentically (at least as well as one can with English) should probably stop for a moment before they get going and ask themselves, "How would I, myself, feel about a fic where the one character who sounds like me had their speech written out like this and every other character just got their dialogue left in standard spelling?" I feel like a lot of people would tone it down a bit, at least, if they'd done that thought experiment first.
(Anyone who answered "but I don't have an accent!" isn't allowed to write out anyone else's accent, ever. This rule may seem harsh but you need it. Really, you do. Because you've never had anyone treat your accent as abnormal or comical or wrong, so you really don't know what you're inflicting on others here.)
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mythvoiced · 8 months
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-. wait, I'm back, i need to post some thoughts on poppy playtime real quick because i'm running out of places to infodump this stupid thing i noticed about mommy & miss delight in, so forgive me dash, this is to satisfy my blorbo brain, i'll be out of your hair in a minute, spoilers for chapter 3
i am so obsessed with the way mommy & miss delight vocalize knowing who you are.
first off, miss delight vocalizes recognizing you, mommy includes knowing who you are in her villain speech. LIKE, i'm violently, vibratingly, neurotically overthinking this, but i love languages, i love the fine details of the way people communicate, i am obsessed with how a single change in wording and cadence can apply such a wholly drastic different meaning to any given information, how complex lying can be once you start toying with language etc etc.
miss delight recognizes you in the second voice line she speaks over the speakers, the first one is just some parody of a classic school announcement, but in the second one she literally recognizes you in the line, she sounds casual about it, maintaining her established speech patterns/tone, expressing surprise at you having survived, then something that sounds like disappointment and discovering the reason you're there, and then she extends a warning to you to leave the place before catnap finds out you're there. i mean, sure, she's completely lost it, she talks to her mace and hears it talk back to her, so how reliable can she possibly be, but still. she's got that deal with catnap that keeps her fed, but she still declares her willingness to fuck you up in absolute glee once you show no signs of leaving. once you show no signs of leaving. like, i am obsessed with the voice lines here. in relation to the thing with mommy, though, i love what her recognizing you after doing a double-take, essentially, implies about who player character could be:
someone miss delight had some marginal exposure to, but not enough to recognize upon first glance (sure, ten years, but you were an adult then and now you wouldn't change that drastically without some plot points that would have been too important to not mention, and the nightmare tape implies you weren't there at all on That Day so you have no disfigurements, PLUS the thing with mommy i'll get to in a minute)
someone she doesn't feel vengeful or even particularly hostile towards, if anything, she seems positively inclined if she takes the time to tell you to piss off before you prove yourself to 'not be a good listener' at which point she practically announces 'weLP! gonna hunt you down, then~' (which is also interesting because she actually only comes for you after you activate the generator and after first destroying the generator, as if she was waiting to see if you were trouble, kind of like some interpret to have been the case for huggy wuggy who only came for you when you started reactivating machinery, toy making machinery, the central piece watches you lmao)
someone she does absolutely enjoy killing if given the chance, so not someone she'd been fond of, though this point is wonky because she's lost it
MOMMY, whom i adore btw, goes about mentioning that she too knows who you are in a completely different way, which in on itself could imply a wide variety of things, one among them for example that poppy told her lmao, but honestly, the way mommy talks to you in general is so? i'm probably just overthinking things but i love overthinking about this lmao so bear with me
mommy has four voice lines before she off-handedly indirectly mentions knowing who you are:
when she nabs your red hand
before musical memory
after musical memory
before wack-a-wuggy
after wack-a-wuggy
she mentions knowing you in her 'villain speech' before the start of statues.
she says 'a new playmate' at the beginning, which doesn't necessarily need to imply you're new to her, just that you're new as opposed to the toys she usually 'plays with' or that you've never played with her; she gives you instructions without feeling the need to provide details, along the lines of 'you know what musical memory is, or at the very least where it's located'; she also says 'it'll be just like old times', which could be in reference to the situation in general or something that ties you two together (don't out me for thinking player character could be stella but i'd fuck with it, ask me about it i'll be wholly incoherent but we can get a laugh out of it).
she does provide you with a detail about the wack-a-wuggy game, but you can be familiar with information and the other party might still 'reveal' it to you as a way to introduce a concept, a conversation, a topic, you name it. the line is
'The toys in this game used to have strings attached to them, so they could be pulled back when they got too close to the children. Hmm... Have fun.'
can be interpreted as 'here's information you're not familiar with that i'm giving you as sadistic warning' but if you're deranged like me also as 'this might be information you know, i'm just giving you a sadistic indirect warning that this is no longer the case', both would be evil because mommy is evil but i think she's fun
also, mommy never feels the need to explain anything to you, not really; she describes the rules of her game, but she doesn't stop to wonder if you know what the game station even is, that this used to be a place for kids to be at, mommy just straight up knows the entire time that you used to work there and weren't some rando curiously exploring the place, maybe poppy told her, maybe no rando would have made it as far into the factory to reach her, maybe she simply saw you and knew right away that you were a former employee, BUT doesn't that imply she recognized you instantly? and why doesn't she kill you right after she grabs poppy? (sure, "it's a videogame she can't do that there would be no game" we're doing this game theory style, hold them accountable for suspension of disbelief and 'il patto narrativo', design the game in a way that would make it illogical/impossible for her to kill you then and i'll buy it, but tbh she probs just wanted to fuck around with you, SHE'S FUN)
these are the pre-statues voice lines
It was always so sad to see the kids go... They called me "Mommy" because I was the closest thing they ever had to one. But they'd come for games, and never come back. They left Mommy to die alone. Mommy didn't deserve that! But you? You worked here. So if anyone deserves to die alone, it's you.
this is where Mommy officially states via implication that she recognizes you at the very least as former employee. i say 'via implication' because she doesn't actually ever stop to tell you 'i know who you are' or 'i recognize you' the way miss delight does; miss delight notices while watching you, to mommy on the other hand, this information was such a given that she did not feel the need to reveal it to you.
mommy loves to scare the shit out of you, and to play with you, she'd most likely gleefully gloat if she could use the information that she recognizes you to scare you, but she doesn't. the emphasis of that part is not on her knowing who you are, but on her declaring that your role as former employee makes you guilty and deserving of capital punishment lmao
she recognizes you, she recognizes you as an employee who had enough power to be an accomplice (which works for the nightmare tape, again, is this stella-); would mommy lump all employees into being worthy of blame for what happened? maybe, she is particularly hostile towards all employees, after all, but it is interesting nonetheless to interpret it as her recognizing that you are guilty in some aspect solely for working in the position you worked.
still, to recognize you as an employee - if you're most definitely not dressed in a uniform omg why would you-- - she'd have to... know you were one (unless she's hostile to all adults, but GOSH, always adding the antithesis as afterthought must be so exhausting to read lmao)
gosh, i'm losing my train of thought, damned neurodivergent brain, but basically: mommy states her recognizing you as an established fact that doesn't need to be re-established, not to her, and not to you. she shares it with you as a statement she doesn't assume you would find surprising to hear out of her.
sure, this is all according to my interpretation of tone of voice and whatnot compared to patterns in other auditive story telling, not to mention it's unclear how reliable deranged characters are BUT ISN'T IT INTRIGUING, ISN'T IT WORTH THE BRAINROT
i also love that it's mommy & miss delight so openly vocalizing recognizing you, two characters directly tied to stella in one way or another; i mean, that player character is most likely a high-ranking employee is pretty much a given at this point, but stella was head of playcare but also of game station. do you see my vision. it would tie in neatly with the nightmare tape and with the reversed radio tape in the nightmare sequence, 'you missed the meeting', and the guilt described, which goes beyond survivor's guilt and paints you/player character as someone who feels like an accomplice, like someone who, had they been there, could have made a difference. or who, via inaction/ignorance/passivity let the things that happened happen, which works for stella, who, as the hartmann incident tape confirms, did not know what was happening.
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and... i tired myself out and have to log off again, if you read any of this, remember matpat is retiring in march
on a separate note, could this bigger bodies mommy (our mommy ♥) be ms harper
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caramelapplesauce · 2 years
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every time i think about it, i fully believe that sirius has bpd canonically. it just makes so much sense.
like this guy is so very loyal (like he is a literal dog animagus and dogs are notorious for being loyal) and yet The Prank happened. he was depressed and moody and did something impulsive, just like in order of the phoenix when he kept leaving the house, knowing how dangerous it could be. then you have him on That halloween night laughing hysterically. also he grew up in a traumatic household and bpd is a trauma disorder (i’m pretty sure. i don’t know everything about it but this is what i’ve seen) so it all fits. plus canon compliant fics (obvi just a headcannon cause we don’t know know for sure but) you see a lot of him getting really depressed and kind of isolating himself or not taking care of himself which is also part of bpd.
now i am totally wanting to do like an essay on this but i don’t have the books with me and i also hate essays so this is my essay. in conclusion, i fully believe sirius black has bpd.
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orcelito · 10 months
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Also remembering that I get to write wolfwood next chapter and I'm a widdle nervous bc this is a Big Moment and I only wrote him a little bit with Sentido and it's been 8 months since then
But im also REALLY excited bc I get to finally (FINALLY) start executing the vashwood concepts I'd thought up at the damned START of this fic
So much relationship development to get to. So much Wolfwood to get to. Very exciting things.
#speculation nation#itnl shit#ive got a pretty solid grasp on wolfwood I Think but also#i think i wanna do some more research into him before i write hin#im gonna need to read more of the manga Anyways.#i need to study his mannerisms and speech patterns and the ways he interacts with the world#because i have a good idea of it already but a lot of my concept of him does exist in fanon#because it's been A Bit since ive actually read the manga.#and i never want to base my writing off of fanon. never ever ever. that's fatal writing error number One.#i pride myself on my rock solid characterizations. for side characters it doesnt matter as much#but the 2nd person in the main pairing? ostensibly the 2nd most important character to the fic?#yeah im not gonna fuckin base him off of what i have in my mind from however much fanfiction.#it's like the difference between accuracy and precision. by following fanon characterizations#someone might be able to be Precise about his characterization. in that they write him consistently and according to common perception.#but fanon very often exists Just to the left of what canon actually is. so it may be precise but not accurate#at least with regard to canon characterizations.#i want my characterization to be both precise And accurate. i want people to read my fic and go 'yeah thats trimax wolfwood'#with vash i do sprinkle in a few of my favorite things from the other versions too. same with the girls.#and maybe i'll do that a bit with wolfwood. but also hes so very different between the 3 iterations#that he might as well be different characters in all of them.#this is first and foremost a trimax fic. so i WILL have trimax wolfwood in it.#i may look up general guides for writing him if theyre around. but tbh i will rely more on my own research probably.#i have my own system for writing anyways. the sliding scales of different qualities that guides my general word choices for dialog#ive explained it before. dont really wanna get into it again.#i need to solidify in my mind where ww exists on the axes of intelligence politeness kindness and formality#among others. while also paying attention for any kind of repeat words or phrases that he likes to use#that i can pepper in to make it Sound Like Him.#thats the key to how i do general dialog lol. it's of course guided by who they are as a person#but word choice is done through the general perception of them along a set of axes. this is how it goes for All my writing.#im. rambling. whoops. anyways im excited for wolfwood. Soon...
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lesbianyosano · 1 year
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re that post about watching bsd and suddenly wanting to read 20+ books, for the love of god try reading something thats not no longer human or crime and punishment. tanizaki, natsume and akutagawa are considered to be one of japan's most influential writers for a reason and they can be 10 times easier and more accesible than dazai or dostoevsky. higuchi's stories too. please please please reach further than your favourite anime twink pleasee
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monsterfactoryfanfic · 2 months
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if I've learned anything from grad school it's to check your sources, and this has proven invaluable in the dozens of instances when I've had an MBA-type try to tell me something about finances or leadership. Case in point:
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Firefox serves me clickbaity articles through Pocket, which is fine because I like Firefox. But sometimes an article makes me curious. I'm pretty anal about my finances, and I wondered if this article was, as I suspected, total horseshit, or could potentially benefit me and help me get my spending under control. So let's check the article in question.
It mostly seems like common sense. "...track expenses and income for at least a month before setting a budget...How much money do I have or earn? How much do I want to save?" Basic shit like that. But then I get to this section:
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This sounds fucking made up to me. And thankfully, they've provided a source to their claim that "research has repeatedly shown" that writing things down changes behavior. First mistake. What research is this?
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Forbes, naturally, my #1 source for absolute dogshit fart-sniffing financial schlock. Forbes is the type of website that guy from high school who constantly posts on linkedin trawls daily for little articles like this that make him feel better about refusing to pay for a decent package for his employees' healthcare (I'm from the United States, a barbaric, conflict-ridden country in the throes of civil unrest, so obsessed with violence that its warlords prioritize weapons over universal medical coverage. I digress). Forbes constantly posts shit like this, and I constantly spend my time at leadership seminars debunking poor consultants who get paid to read these claims credulously. Look at this highlighted text. Does it make sense to you that simply writing your financial goals down would result in a 10x increase in your income? Because if it does, let me make you an offer on this sick ass bridge.
Thankfully, Forbes also makes the mistake of citing their sources. Let's check to see where this hyperlink goes:
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SidSavara. I've never heard of this site, but the About section tells me that Sid is "a technology leader who empowers teams to grow into their best selves. He is a life-long learner enjoys developing software, leading teams in delivering mission critical projects, playing guitar and watching football and basketball."
That doesn't mean anything. What are his LinkedIn credentials? With the caveat that anyone can lie on Linkedin, Mr. Savara appears to be a Software Engineer. Which is fine! I'm glad software engineers exist! But Sid's got nothing in his professional history which suggests he knows shit about finance. So I'm already pretty skeptical of his website, which is increasingly looking like a personal fart-huffing blog.
The article itself repeats the credulous claim made in the Forbes story earlier, but this time, provides no link for the 3% story. Mr. Savara is smarter than his colleages at Forbes, it's much wiser to just make shit up.
HOWEVER. I am not the first person to have followed this rabbit hole. Because at the very top of this article, there is a disclaimer.
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Uh oh!
Sid's been called out before, and in the follow up to this article, he reveals the truth.
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You can guess where this is going.
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So to go back to the VERY beginning of this post, both Pocket/Good Housekeeping and Forbes failed to do even the most basic of research, taking the wild claim that writing down your budget may increase your income by 10x on good faith and the word of a(n admittedly honest about his shortcomings) software engineer.
Why did I spend 30 minutes to make a tumblr post about this? Mostly to show off how smart I am, but also to remind folks of just how flimsy any claim on the internet can be. Click those links, follow those sources, and when the sources stop linking, ask why.
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chronicbitchsyndrome · 6 months
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so: masking: good, unequivocally. please mask and please educate others on why they should mask to make the world safer for immune compromised people to participate in.
however: masking is not my policy focus and it shouldn't be yours, either. masking is a very good mitigation against droplet-born illnesses and a slightly less effective (but still very good) mitigation against airborne illnesses, but its place in the pyramid of mitigation demands is pretty low, for several reasons:
it's an individual mitigation, not a systemic one. the best mitigations to make public life more accessible affect everyone without distributing the majority of the effort among individuals (who may not be able to comply, may not have access to education on how to comply, or may be actively malicious).
it's a post-hoc mitigation, or to put it another way, it's a band-aid over the underlying problem. even if it was possible to enforce, universal masking still wouldn't address the underlying problem that it is dangerous for sick people and immune compromised people to be in the same public locations to begin with. this is a solvable problem! we have created the societal conditions for this problem!
here are my policy focuses:
upgraded air filtration and ventilation systems for all public buildings. appropriate ventilation should be just as bog-standard as appropriately clean running water. an indoor venue without a ventilation system capable of performing 5 complete air changes per hour should be like encountering a public restroom without any sinks or hand sanitizer stations whatsoever.
enforced paid sick leave for all employees until 3-5 days without symptoms. the vast majority of respiratory and food-borne illnesses circulate through industry sectors where employees come into work while experiencing symptoms. a taco bell worker should never be making food while experiencing strep throat symptoms, even without a strep diagnosis.
enforced virtual schooling options for sick students. the other vast majority of respiratory and food-borne illnesses circulate through schools. the proximity of so many kids and teenagers together indoors (with little to no proper ventilation and high levels of physical activity) means that if even one person comes to school sick, hundreds will be infected in the following few days. those students will most likely infect their parents as well. allowing students to complete all readings and coursework through sites like blackboard or compass while sick will cut down massively on disease transmission.
accessible testing for everyone. not just for COVID; if there's a test for any contagious illness capable of being performed outside of lab conditions, there should be a regulated option for performing that test at home (similar to COVID rapid tests). if a test can only be performed under lab conditions, there should be a government-subsidized program to provide free of charge testing to anyone who needs it, through urgent cares and pharmacies.
the last thing to note is that these things stack; upgraded ventilation systems in all public buildings mean that students and employees get sick less often to begin with, making it less burdensome for students and employees to be absent due to sickness, and making it more likely that sick individuals will choose to stay home themselves (since it's not so costly for them).
masking is great! keep masking! please use masking as a rhetorical "this is what we can do as individuals to make public life safer while we're pushing for drastic policy changes," and don't get complacent in either direction--don't assume that masking is all you need to do or an acceptable forever-solution, and equally, don't fall prey to thinking that pushing for policy change "makes up" for not masking in public. it's not a game with scores and sides; masking is a material thing you can do to help the individual people you interact with one by one, and policy changes are what's going to make the entirety of public life safer for all immune compromised people.
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koushirouizumi · 11 months
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{Blog P.S.A} For New Followers
Where to Find Me: MY "ABOUT"+F.A.Q {READ FIRST}: Here (About) + Here (F.A.Q)! {People who don't even glance at these before leaving commnts inquiring about my Thoughts on Things get Ignored} [Trust Me I'll Know] AO3: Hikari {Currently/Mainly creating for Digimon, Adventure-related franchise} [also appears at times: 02, tri.~Kizuna~The Beginning, Frontier; less often: Xros Wars {Pt 2 of original XW is my personal favorite}/Young Hunters; Ghost Game; Tamers; Wonderswan games-verse; everything post-02 mainly being original Japanese version based] Other {+Digi}-Sideblogs: izzyizumi (main Digimon blog) hikari-m (official Digimon {news+art} archiving+general Fandom commentary; Asks or follows may come from here, Depending) taichi-x-koushiro (Archiving for Yagami Taichi/Izumi Koushiro as Ship) IF YOU ARE A NEW FOLLOWER OR LURKER, I'd really appreciate if you can send me an Ask (you could also leave a quick introductory comment here, on my pinned post) and introduce yourself (you do not need to expect a response from me), even a short description like name (Pennames are definitely fine!), preferred pronouns (if any) and/or what brought you to my page and what you're staying for (Especially if you were here for resource{s} posts/reblogging, I've been curious if they've been helping anyone!) The reason I am asking this is because lately there's been a huge uptick of spam blogs following with particular "patterns" to their Likes, Follows, etc. and in order to prevent from being softblocked by accident if you are not actively blogging, it'd be great to know in advance if you're a real person. Aside from AO3 the only other 'active' archives of social media that I have are my much older Livejournal and Dreamwidth accounts, and even they're not quite in use these days. However, if you also have active LJs or DWs and actively blog, feel free to let me know too!
{And, for Clarification to anyone "Wondering"}:
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[No, I will not discuss related current events further than this or in Tags. Anyone who attempts to push my boundaries on this will get Blocked]
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It’d be very, very cool if people could also learn to read my FAQ page linked on the sidebar before sending Asks or interacting directly with either of my blogs or myself, because I’m seriously TIRED of people ignoring it and my rules for interaction.
I am a {diagnosed since childhood} Autistic, G.N.C {Gender Non-conforming} + THEY/THEM Jewish blogger. I reblog about those topics here for that reason. {Also my Ko-fi is here.}
* PLEASE DO NOT FOLLOW OR INTERACT WITH ANY OF MY POSTS IF YOU BLATANTLY HATE/DISMISS, OR EXPECT ME TO HATE/DISMISS THE ADVENTURE [+02] + TRI + KIZUNA + 2020 CHOSEN, KOUSHIRO (*ANY KOUSHIRO, INCLUDES FOR EXAMPLE: TRI!KOUSHIRO, OWG!KOUSHIRO, 2020!KOUSHIRO, KIZUNA!KOUSHIRO), TAICHI (*ANY TAICHI, INCLUDING 2020!TAICHI, TRI!TAICHI, KIZUNA!TAICHI), DAISUKE MOTOMIYA (or “DAVIS”), SORA TAKENOUCHI (*INCLUDING 02!SORA, TRI!SORA, 2020!SORA, KIZUNA!SORA), HIKARI YAGAMI (*INCLUDING 02!HIKARI, TRI!HIKARI, KIZUNA!HIKARI, 2020!HIKARI), MIMI TACHIKAWA (*INCLUDING 02!MIMI, TRI!MIMI, KIZUNA!MIMI, 2020!MIMI), MIYAKO INOUE (*INCLUDING KIZUNA!MIYAKO), ALL/ANY OTHER DIGIMON GIRLS SUCH AS IZUMI ORIMOTO {FRONTIER}, JURI KATOU {TAMERS}, JUN MOTOMIYA {02}, OR MEIKO MOCHIZUKI. THANK YOU (I WILL PERMABLOCK IF YOU FORCE-INTERACT OR BLOCK EVADE)
* PLEASE DO NOT FOLLOW OR INTERACT IF YOU CAN’T STAND MY SHIPS TO THE POINT YOU CAN’T EVEN BE RESPECTFUL WHEN INTERACTING WITH SOMEONE WHO SHIPS YOUR NOTP. (I WILL PERMABLOCK YOU IF I NOTICE)
** THESE RULES ALSO APPLY TO MY OTHER BLOG.
*** DO NOT INTERACT IF YOU SUPPORT HARASSMENT / BULLYING / ABUSE (I WILL INSTANTLY PERMA-BLOCK YOU) OR IF YOU SUPPORT / PLATFORM PEOPLE WHO DO.
NOTICE: I am much less active on a personal level on this blog nowadays (in the sense of making personal posts or fan-works/posting fic; I still reblog informative posts). I am slightly more active on my other socials, but most of them are private and friends-locked to older groups of mutuals. If you are curious or wanting to interact about Digimon (especially Adventures or about my favorite characters and ships for this fandom) specifically, please feel free to message me about them, but please understand I may not add or speak with anyone that I do not fully trust or know well. (It will help if most of your stances on social-justice issues align with and don’t blatantly conflict with my own. I tend to not add/follow people anywhere whose posts I cannot filter [i.e. there are many popular Western media fandoms / mega-fandoms I’m not in which I blacklist, types of fanworks I don’t personally care for that I blacklist, etc]. I do not do follow-backs so please do not follow or interact here expecting one). It will also help if you read my FAQ first and agree to it before asking.
PLEASE FAMILIARIZE YOURSELF WITH MY FANDOMS LIST (notably more the major fandoms but) BEFORE YOU INTERACT WITH ANY POST ON THIS BLOG. If I check/quick-vet your blog and find nothing but hate{watching} posts/“Critical” posts for my fandoms (ESPECIALLY THIS ONE), unless I’ve reblogged from you first, I MAY HARDBLOCK YOU.
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