#how's that ten years of trauma going commander.....

[lliribee-go-lightly]

thinking about gorrik's line in the gyala delve meta about how the haze is causing everyone to act antagonistic towards each other, and also the way rama and yao are so kind to him after he has his own haze hallucination experience. if we're going into the haze to get fed on and relive our worst memories, these audiologs of gorrik being supported while we're asked to go back (whoops! for the good of cantha commander!) are giving us the perfect ammunition to tear into him in a combined trauma response&haze triggered antagonism attack. which would likely result in the commander being even more alone and unsupported, as rama and yao would probably say hey what the Fuck commander, gorrik are you alright???

but i'm sure it's fine ah ha it's not like the commander is already exhausted and alone or anything ^-^

[bubbles-for-all-of-us]

I'll crawl home to you

Next chapter

a/n okay this sat in my notes for so long. I wanted to delete first, then I thought hmm... let's indulge, right? Also, please be gentle, I've never written for Javi.

summary: having a fight with someone you care about right before the mission might be the worst idea ever especially when you don't know if you'll make it out alive.

warnings: fighting, guns, past trauma, injuries, blood, mentions of death...I think that's all.

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"Is Carillo in?", both males lifted their heads from their never-ending piles of documents right as you approached. Each step was laced with nothing but confidence. Only fools would stand in your way. You were nothing like the women Javi was used to. He had never seen you striding across the office in a skirt or a skimpy shirt that most secretarial women preferred here. But then you weren't a secretory ether.

"Yeah, he should be", Steve said, beating Javi to an answer and eyeing the files in your hand. Neatly put as always, followed by the colorful tabs that no one else used, and even if Javi had made fun of them in the past, it was something that constantly reminded him of you. "What's that?", Steve tried to reach for the reports, but you only slapped his hand away playfully. As if he was nothing but a curious kid, shoving his nose into something that wasn't for him. "You'll see. Meeting in five, watch", you stated before walking through Carillo's door, closing it with daring eyes and a wink.

Carillo was the one to command emergency meetings, so you calling the shots looked nothing but childish to an unknowing ear, but then, not even two minutes later, Carillo emerged from the door, "Meeting in five", his voice boomed through the office, and with the corner of his eyes, Javi could see you leaning against the table smiling to yourself.

You fascinated him. There was no other way to go around it. Back when you just joined the team, Javi did doubt you. Toxic masculinity and all that shit got him humbled real quickly alongside all the other sorry fucks who didn't know how to keep their mouths shut. There were not many females among the leading troops, but you were unbeatable. Many men were pissed beyond any mark when Carillo made you his second in command. Even Javi was pissed. Because most of the fuckers here had been here for years, some ten and counting, and it took you less than two to climb almost to the top. But then, no one was better fitted for that role, and with time passing, one thing got even clearer. The thing that pissed Pena off the most was that your position got you and Carillo way too close for Javi's liking. Not that you were his. Not that there was an us.

But you were like an illness clinging to him. Javi couldn't think clearly. Most of his brain was occupied with you. He fucked so many whores when he felt his heart starting to want to lean just to you. He had fucked them all by that time, he was sure that he liked you, but that only made him feel worse. Common Bogota whore. That's what he was. Equally as much, he sold himself both for information and because he needed someone to cling to him, even if it was for the money.

"Why an orphanage?", Steve was leaning against the table, looking down at the papers you had forbidden him to touch five minutes ago. "Would you look there?", you sassed back, making Steve shrug his shoulders in agreement as he continued to flip through all the other documents. "We don't need a full-blown mission. It would just be a check. If we find something to hold onto, we'll send more men", you continued, glancing to Carillo, needing his nods as validation now that the room was dead silent.

"Pena", Carillo called out, getting the agent's eyes to shoot up at him, "You haven't said anything". And it was true he hadn't. One thing that Javi loved was disagreeing. You two were the best at that. But he was never this silent. Regardless of whether he liked the idea or not, he would still share his thoughts, but now you got absolutely nothing.

"Send an armed force; do the thing. I don't understand why we are even discussing this", Javi carelessly threw the case with documents onto the table before crossing his arms over his chest. Your mouth thinned into a straight line. "No armed forces are walking into an orphanage. Those kids have enough trauma to last them a lifetime".

Javi scoffed, running his hand over his beard. "What do you suggest we roll up for a walk there with no guns, no nothing?", he said in an almost mocking manner as his lips curled upward. The room stayed silent. Your eyes met his, and you swallowed thickly. Something in Javi's face twisted. "You can't be serious…", he trailed off. "I'll just go and look; we only need access to the basement parts; hygiene security paper will do the job", you said firmly. The plan seemed simple enough. "You're not going to a potential hideout without a gun", Javi leaned closer to you over the table, fists starting to clench as he glared at you.

"It'll look suspicious", Carillo added, seeming so unphased by all of this and all the things that could go wrong that Javi had to pull the last string of self-control to not pinch him in the face. "Suspicious, my ass, she can be walking into a trap", Javi raised his voice as he shot daggers at the head of the national police unit.

"Since when do you care?", those words took a moment to sink in. And when Javi turned back to you, there was no resemblance to the man you saw a couple of minutes ago. They were dead empty, and there was only anger there. "Good luck dying there since you seem so eager", Javi spat out, not turning away from you because he wanted to see the way your face fell.

"Javi…", Steve muttered. Out of everyone in the office, he was the only one who truly knew just how much you cared for one another. Your eyes started to sting, but you didn't drop the stabbing gaze that Javi was hurling your way, "Don't worry, agent, no one will send you an invite to the funeral". With those words, you turn away from him. Snatching the papers from the table as you turn towards Carillo as if Javi was no longer around.

Did Javi regret his words instantly? No, but he regretted them the moment he watched you unbutton the dress you were going to wear so none other than Carillo would strap communication devices onto your body. He hated that his hands were on your body. Fingers tracing the soft, warm skin. Does Carillo know that Javi's fingers were there too? Does he know that Javi would give up everything, even his career, for the chance to feel that soft skin again on his body every morning? With a frown on his face, Javi put his cigarette out before snatching his jacket off the chair and heading out.

This seemed silly, but you had never gone on a mission with Javi upset with you, and it left a bitter taste in your mouth. Yes, you argued often. Agreeing on something with that man was a challenge, but you made it work most of the time. You would blow each other's brains out by shouting at the office, and then one would always join the other outside for a smoke or just a breath of fresh air.

You would bump Javi's shoulder, making the frown even worse, until your fingers would sneak to pull the cigarette away from his lips so you could take a drag yourself. You would rarely talk. Both stubborn and aware that it would most definitely lead to more fighting. So silence it was. You would lean on Javi's shoulder, and he would never miss an opportunity to bring you closer to him.

The embraces at times felt so intimate that fighting back tears was a challenge. But the smell of Javi's aftershave and the smoke lingering there brought you unimaginable levels of comfort. The same comfort that you felt laying in his bed, tangled in his sheets. It had only happened a couple of times, but those couple of times were enough to make you addicted. Because the Javi at the office was nothing like the Javi you got to see behind closed doors. And it wasn't because he fucked good. No, that anyone could tell. It was because his touch did linger, and behind the wall that he had built for protection was the man who was so capable of love - he had just forgotten it.

"How could I help you, ma'am?", a voice asked, bringing you out of the trance and causing you to flinch slightly. You needed to put your head in check. This. You couldn't allow yourself to think about this while doing your job. "Hygiene check", you said, unfolding the paper and showing it to the elderly lady. She looked you up and down. "Since when are they no longer sending creepy old men?", she asked you sarcastically, and you couldn't help but chuckle. "Since I told them that it's inappropriate, especially around the kids". The woman nodded her head, dropping the paper on the front desk before reaching for the keys. "I'll walk you through the upper floors; the basement is easy to navigate on your own", she stated, moving to walk in front of you.

"Ask her about the size of the lower levels", Carillo's voice rang in your ear, and you flinched again. God, what was going on today? How can you forget that you had a communication set on, with microphones and all? They could hear your surroundings just as much. Focus, you told yourself once more. "A small basement for such a place—surely that's an issue?", you asked her, bringing the fake criteria papers to your chest and reaching for the pen so you could pretend to mark stuff.

"We don't need it. Things like fresh food and other products come in almost daily", she stated. "You have a company you work with?", you asked, looking at the pictures that covered all of the hallways. "Yes, I can give you the information, and the truck that delivered today's packages is still downstairs", she said, yet her voice slowly died down as your eyes fell on the kids playing in the colorfully painted rooms. The big windows allowed you to take a full look at them.

"Why is he alone?", the lady twisted to look back, stopping mid-sentence about the new vegetable stock, catching and following your gaze, now focused on the boy, seated in the furthest corner of the room. Knees up to his chest as he scarcely looked at the other kids. The lady sighed, "He got here not long ago. Hard to adapt. Both of his parents died, as did his sister. He's alone", bile rose in your throat as you swallowed thickly. Suddenly, you wish you had somewhere to lean on.

Javi's muscles tensed as those words rang through the car they all sat in. Carillo was about to speak into the headset, but Javi snatched it out of his hands. He doubted that Carillo knew. Maybe. He would like to believe that no one else did it besides him. That you had only trusted Javi with the story from your past that night. That you had cried because you hadn't told anyone else beforehand, and reliving it was too painful. Javi waited some more, pointing a warning finger at Carillo, who was cursing Javi in Spanish. Javi wanted to give you a moment to try and pull yourself out on your own. You were a big girl, and he knew that you could handle yourself. But everyone had their demons who possessed them at times; this just happened to be yours. Yet another reason why Javi didn't approve of this in the first place.

"You're in Bogota, not back in D.C., carino", Javi's voice filled your ears, and you had to blink a couple of times, feeling the shiver run down your back. Shiver that was followed by a wave of warmth, because if you could hear him, it meant that he came along after all. "Is he looked after?", the question seemed stupid, but you just had to know, even if it had nothing to do with why you were here, "All kids are looked after here, ma'am".

Javi cursed under his breath. You were slipping, and he could feel it. This was just too convenient. Too out of the blue. This had to be set up. To throw you off the hook so they could take you out. Javi could just feel it, and the worry only grew stronger. "Y/N, if you don't feel well, back down", Javi said again. His voice was firm. It was an order, and you knew that it was the correct one as well, but… "I'll look through the basement today", you said softly as you turned to the old lady. "Of course", she said with a nod, rushing to give you the keys.

"Y/n", Javi spoke again as a warning, but you didn't say anything. You closed your eyes for a moment to collect yourself, right as the lady showed you to the back door. Javi moved to get up instead once the line fell silent, but Carillo stopped him with a firm hand on his shoulder, "You don't have the order to interfere". That made Javi's blood boil, "You, out of all people, should feel that she's not in the right mindset to be there", Carillo said nothing, only locking the car doors, his eyes now fully fixed on Javi.

The hour you spent inside there was a nightmare. You took a couple of pictures. Sneaked in some papers that seemed off. Now all you needed to do was walk out of the building, and then it would all be over. A breath that Javi didn't know he was holding slipped past his lips as he watched you walk out of the building, turning back to wave to the elderly lady before you moved closer to the street that separated you from the rest of the team. Even from back there, Javi could tell that your eyes looked hazy. A new worry sparked. What if you misread the speed of the car? What if you get hit? Javi reached for the door handle, his eyes not leaving you for a moment.

You looked around a couple more times before stepping forward; your eyes met Javi's desperate ones. And even if he knew that you were beyond pissed at him, you still shot him a slight smile. A little something that would keep his nerves at bay for now. Until you crossed the street and Javi could once again sense your perfume lingering in the car.

And then a blink of an eye changes everything. A bullet suddenly pierces your shoulder, sending you staggering back onto the street. It feels like the world had stopped as Javi watched the red stain get bigger and bigger. "Get down", Carillo shouted at the top of his lungs, making a handful of men drop to their knees, but Javi didn't move. He pushed off the car and rushed forward, "Pena, that's an order", but he was done with following orders for today. Another shot rang out. This time it sounded a lot stronger, and you suddenly gripped your lower stomach. That made Javi lose all sense; he took off running, and suddenly the distance seemed way too long. Pushing panicked people to the side as he scratches his way to you.

You didn't register the first bullet; it was like your mind blanked, and only the feeling of something wet dripping down your shoulder made you frown at the situation. It's the second bullet that pierced your left side that made you let out a scream. One that kept ringing in your ears. You could see people moving, but no one was stopping to look at you. Your mind was running so fast yet so slowly at the same time. Blinking started to get harder, your breaths were painful and shallow now.

"Carino", you heard before you could even see the face, and for a second, it felt like you were imagining it all. "Keep your eyes open", said Javi, who was now leaning over you, palm cradling your cheek as he pats it a couple of times to keep you conscious for as long as possible. Another shot rang out, and Javi turned around to fire his gun before his attention was back on you. "Not safe", you mutter, your weak fingers now wrapped around Javi's wrist. "I'll be fine", he stated blankly, drawing his gaze up for just one moment, catching a glimpse of Steve tackling a male to the ground before he's looking down at your paling face, "Can you press your palms to your shoulder, baby?"

When you don't move, Javi is the one moving his palm over the second wound, pressing as hard as he possibly can. "Let me", you mutter, and God or whatever that people believe in knows Javi was glad you don't finish that sentence because he can't and won't think of that outcome. "Don't you dare? You're walking out of here, you hear me?", Javi said letting go of your shoulder. He patted your cheek again as your eyes rolled to the back of your head for a moment. Anger only rushed faster as Javi shouted once again for an ambulance or a medic.

"He had Michael's eyes", you muttered, breathing now even, though Javi knew what that meant - your body was crashing. "Did he, carino?", he knows this is not a conversation he should be having with you, but he's desperate to keep you awake for as long as possible. Javi's hands were soaked with your blood by now, and so was your flowery dress. You nodded your head weakly and said, "I saw Mikey". Javi clenched his jaw, trying to keep his emotions at bay. "I hope you said hi from me as well", but your head lulled to the side. Javi's blood went ice cold because, for a split second, he thought that was it—you were dead. You bled out in his arms. Letting go of your wounds, Javi pulled you closer to his chest, your limp body looking nothing like a rag doll in his arms. The sirens rang somewhere in the air, but now all Javi could think of was how he would never be the same if you never opened your eyes again.

[rosesradio]

Hi, do you mind if I pick your brain about the pro/antiship thing? I'd like to check first because it's a dumpster fire of a controversy in fandom spaces and I'd 100% understand not wanting to touch it with a ten-foot pole. But also cuz it mentions somethin triggering+disturbing.I've always wondered what another person might think but I usually try to stay miles away from fandom drama, but you seem like, not chronically online about it

lmaoo thank you, i try to make my blog a chill, safe space to come to despite me being. Not chill about anything ever 😅

so here’s the definition of each that i added to the poll:

Proshippers argue that shipping is all fictional, so there is no harm in shipping characters who shouldn’t be together in real life. Anti-shippers argue that fiction reflects and influences real-world beliefs and behaviors, so fans shouldn’t romanticize unhealthy relationships. You can be proship and not ship any problematic ships, or vice versa.

i got these definitions, with my own addition at the end, from a Reddit thread you might find helpful.

so i’ve been in fandom for many years, and up until around 2022 i was mostly what would be considered an anti-shipper.

within the (*gags*) sanders sides fandom, there was a ship called remrom. this was the ship between the characters roman and remus, canonically twin brothers. i never shipped it, not my thing, and it caused a lot of division in the fandom. people would often put on their wattpad (yeahhh wattpad era babey) profiles & even their fics “dni & leave if you ship remrom, go die” etc. i don’t think i put that on my own fics, but i was hostile & blocked people i found shipping it. because how could you ship twin brothers, that’s disgusting!!1!

…the funny thing about sanders sides, though, is that all of the characters represent fragments of one guy’s personality. roman is his creativity, remus is his dark!creativity, etc. the fandom shipped many other pairings with the (non-related) characters, the most popular being Roman and Virgil (anxiety). (Yes this is causing me physical pain to type out thanks for asking 🧍). so all that exposition aside…we were all shipping selfcest. and in a way, is selfcest any worse than incest? i suppose that’s subjective, but it just goes to show a bit of hypocrisy.

i also shipped some “problematic” pairings over the years, but changed them up to be “non-problematic”. for example, i had a billdip fic in which i made bill bodily 15 to match dipper & had him turn magically human (does this make the ship entirely non-problematic? hell no lmao, but as is the way of 15-year-old rose)

so that aside, i joined tumblr in 2022, in the cobra kai fandom. there’s a ship in the cobra kai fandom called silverusso, a ship between an insane(ly hot? don’t look at me 🫣) karate instructor named silver and the main character, daniel larusso. this ship is extremelyyy toxic on several levels. for one, daniel is freshly 18, while silver is assumed to be in his 30s(?) during karate kid 3 (please watch karate kid 3 but also be sure you’re sober when doing so because the movie is a trip, lol). for another, silver essentially seduces daniel into devolving into a violent robot, primed for silver’s command & corruption.

now for me…i’m not going to get into the details because i don’t want to, but i had experienced trauma somewhat related to the silverusso dynamic the previous year (only with minimal karate, lol). even three years later, i am still impacted by said trauma in small ways. i was honestly insulted by people shipping this ship, because it felt like they didn’t care about victims & were romanticizing and sexualizing situations i was having nightmares about.

that is, until i made some friends in the fandom. i bonded with them on our common interests, and then i got to see a bit more into the silverusso shippers’ heads rather than the horrible things i was hearing about them from others. i learned that they really weren’t that bad people at all, all well-intentioned & respectful of boundaries. some of them were even victims of trauma similar to my own, who used darkfic as a place to vent their emotions. considering i had told very few people of what happened, considering no one really understood, i felt safe.

not to plug, but this is a fic i wrote sort of in that space lol

so anyways, i learned more & more about proshipping ways, profiction, anti-harassment, & anti-censorship. i adopted the take that fiction can be a good place to explore complex emotions or even just compelling ideas.

(because you do not need to be traumatized to be interested in darkfic! in fact, the anti-ship take of “darkfic is okay if you’re recovering from trauma” is often harmful to victims, forcing them to out themselves for a stranger to judge if they’re “traumatized enough” to be “allowed” write darkfic. people should be free to write whatever with no explanation, just respect to others & proper tags/warnings).

i would like to think that the anti-ship ideals are in the best interest of others. they often do speak from a place of wanting to respect trauma victims (even if the hate messages they’ve sent me aren’t very respectful, lol). i can see how easy it is to be swept up into the moral quandary of it all because i’ve been there. in fact, if i saw trauma victims who were anti-shippers today, who felt the same resentment i did in 2022, i would feel sympathy for them and wish them the best in their recovery. darkfic has definitely helped me, though it is not for everyone. (though to those people i would also recommend they block bothersome tags and try to clear it from their mind).

i do wish people would approach actual proshippers to ask the way you are right now, anon. i think the spread of misinformation on how “being proship = shipping only problematic pairings” or god forbid “being proship = being a pedo” means a lot of well-meaning people obviously are disgusted and don’t bother to seek out the actual meaning of the term.

you don’t have to ship problematic parings or like darkfic to be considered proship. in fact, a lot of my mutuals here only like fluff & traditionally “healthy” pairings, but they support people’s right to ship and write whatever they want, provided it stays in its properly tagged lane. it’s just important to not push for censorship on sites like ao3 (one of the last safe spaces for every kind of fanfic), as well as not harass anyone in fandom for what they do with fiction. it’s not proper fandom etiquette, and it’s not a good thing to do.

fictional characters are dolls. real people are real, as are their feelings.

one last thing

i hope all of that answered your question, anon, and feel free to return with any more questions you might have 💌

[sapphire-weapon]

Not that anon but I want ur metaltango explanation 👀

ok well

I'm pretty high, so gomen if this is incoherent.

basically, we know exactly three things about Krauser's past:

he trained Leon

he loved his men but couldn't protect them, and then couldn't even die alongside them, and he feels incredible guilt over that

Leon says that he had a code of honor that he kept to, and the game outright says that he used to be a good guy

none of that

literally NONE OF IT

even hints that Krauser was an abuser. in fact, it paints a total opposite picture.

Krauser is a dark omen of what Leon could become under the right conditions, because he was also someone who believed wholeheartedly in the institutions that were supposed to support him, in the rule of authority and law, and in the chain of command -- all things that Leon believed in in RE2.

and just like Leon in RE2, he had all of that ripped out from under him in the harshest way possible.

but unlike Leon, Krauser didn't have a Sherry Birkin to protect. he was left completely and utterly alone. abandoned. and born from that trauma was a desperation to never have that happen to him again, which is why he goes out seeking power to protect himself with.

if Leon had had everything stripped away from him the way that Krauser had, who's to say that he wouldn't have become a villain himself? he certainly had justification for it, after all that'd happened to him.

and the game harps on this a few different times. Krauser says to Leon that they're two sides of the same coin. he also has a line: "I know your every move. you learned them from me." the implication here is that Leon is still walking down that path. he's not out of those woods yet. if he doesn't save Ashley... then what?

so go back and rewind now.

rewind to Leon being fresh out of RE2 and all of the horrible shit that happened to him and being placed under command of this man who's at least ten years his senior but still believes in all of the things that betrayed Leon in Raccoon City. that was probably a pretty powerful revelation for him, and -- knowing what we know about Leon -- it was something that he would've wanted to emulate. Krauser was a strong man who took no bullshit from anyone, but he still had things that he believed in. that's exactly the kind of person that Leon would want to be.

and like. Krauser couldn't have trained Leon with the efficacy that he did if Leon didn't trust him completely. like yeah, Leon ran missions with his unit, but their trainings were one-on-one affairs. if Leon didn't trust him, he wouldn't have been able to learn shit from him. and since Leon went into this relationship not being able to trust himself, even, after RE2, to be able to trust someone else to that extent is a Big Fucking Deal, actually.

like.

Leon doesn't want to fight Krauser in RE4make. and he certainly doesn't want to kill him. even after Krauser kills Luis, Leon's still trying to talk it out with him. because he loves this man. Krauser believed in him when he didn't even believe in himself, and Krauser's teachings are what kept him going this long.

and on the flipside of things, Krauser looked at Leon and saw nigh-limitless potential stuck inside of a man who was too broken to see it. the one thing that held Leon back was his own distrust of himself, and so it became Krauser's goal to build that confidence in him back up in order to unlock that potential. and to be a part of something like that -- to have that kind of effect on another human being's life -- that's some really powerful shit, too.

but then Operation Javier happens. and Leon lives, when all of Krauser's other men die. how do you cope with something like that? unfortunately, Krauser didn't.

so metaltango is like... at least for me...

it's a mentor/student relationship that's far more personal than that. Leon looks up to Krauser, sure, and Krauser has a vested interest in helping Leon become the best version of himself that he can, but... it's more than that. both of them saw pieces of themselves in each other. both of them drew hope from one another. but then that hope in both of them died, leaving them with nowhere else to go but spiraling towards certain destruction. the story between Leon and Krauser is a tragedy, but that tragedy wasn't born from abuse. it was born from the trust and hope and love that was lost between them.

my brain is melting

i hope any of this is making sense

[lanabenikosdoormat]

OC Questionnaire! ft. Jed Solaris

Thank you so much for the tag Ata @parseolegacy !! I’ve been ruminating on your questions for awhile, such good picks!

How did your OC develop their closest friendship? What brought them and their closest friend together? What was their journey?

Lana is Jed’s closest confident, as many know. But it wasn’t always this way. There was a lot of tension in the early days of their strictly objective centered relationship. Lana was a sith, Jed an agent (who had no love or respect for any sith) but this was soon to change. Especially in KOTFE/KOTET where Lana really became his right hand man.

She had a sense of humor, she never spoke down to him, even when he in turn had scorned her for being sith. And when it was Lana that came to his rescue in KOTFE he realized just how much he’d missed his dearest ally.

They’re both very similar, pragmatic and headstrong and generally people of reason. Jed has always been very good at navigating people first and foremost (it’s what makes him such a good Commander) all whilst harboring this sort of obsessive undying loyalty towards the other. It can be too much it points, but I mean they’re all going through intergalactic war - who wouldn’t be stressed out of their minds.

If there was any advice your OC could give to their younger self, what would it be?

As a young imperial, Jed was really pushing that DS alignment. He was ripe with suppressed feelings and trauma and of course — firearms! That the Empire was more than willing to steer him in the right direction. I think Jed would tell himself that he must find something worth fighting for that’s important to him. Not the while and wishes of Imperial Intelligence, or the Empire. That he does have agency, even in little ways.

When your OC gets homesick- what place do they think of? What does ‘home’ mean to them, if they have one at all? If there isn’t one, do they wish they had one and what kind of place would they want home to be? Do they have conflicting feelings about ‘home?’

He grew up on Sacorria, a small agrarian planet as a farmers boy and only child. Though despite the fond memories of his childhood Jed would never really want to return. It’s where he lost his parents, where he got half of his face blown off, and he hadn’t been back since he was taken into refuge by Imperial Intelligence.

Home then used to be Ziost, where he trained as a loyal soldier (later moved to be an agent) of the Empire. So you can imagine there was a lot of agony that befell him when the whole uh.. Ziost thing happened.

Then home became his ship, and his crew. But then that idea grew — and soon home became the Alliance and Odessen. In a way, it reminded him of Sacorria, but it was more the people he was surrounded with and the closeness of found family that made the Alliance more than just a cause to fight for, but a community.

My questions!

1. How has your OC changed over time? Are there any major differences that have happened since their inception?

2. Where does your OC see themself in ten years. Now, what actually happens to your oc in ten years time?

3. What‘s something unexpected about your OC that most people wouldn’t assume just from looking at them!

No pressure tags for my oc rambling mutuals ! Yap away my friends :)

@heyitszev @shanaraharlyah @pixelplanetig @faustinio27 @firebird-legacy @charmedcleric

[prodigal-explorer]

my patton's family au

(cw -> religious delusions, religious trauma, prostitution, domestic abuse, sexual abuse, physical abuse, non-consensual polygamy, kidnapping, technically pedophilia but not really? it's hard to explain that part. basically, an adult grooms a minor but not out of genuine romantic or sexual attraction.)

patton sees himself as a servant of god. a man who was put on earth to rid the world of sin. he has delusions, and very vivid dreams of god speaking to him and telling him about signs to look out for in sinners, and the things he must do to sinners.

one day, "god tells" patton that he must start a family, a family of misguided sinners who need help from him, who need a community to lean on and depend upon while they find their inner holiness. so patton readily agrees. after all, he's always wanted a family of his own.

so he starts. the very first sinner he encounters after "god's request" is a man about his own age (patton is in his early 30's) named logan. logan is an assistant professor at the nearby state university, and he's working towards a doctorate in human development and education. but logan is a cruel, cold man who does not see the merit in considering the feelings of anybody. he is very judgmental, and he expects way too much out of people, which is very ironic considering his major. he attends to things in a very scientific and logical way, assuming that everything fits into a box and that all rules must be adhered to no matter what. patton labels him as the very first sin: pride.

patton convinces logan that he is in love with him, and the two of them get married. and the moment logan is ensnared, patton starts teaching him "god's" lesson. logan becomes The Servant. he is trapped underneath patton's commands, being forced to cook and clean with barely a moment's rest. patton does this in order to show logan how terrible it is to have too much pressure placed upon a person and to be treated like a workhorse with no feelings.

the next sinner patton encounters is a man a little bit younger than him, a man named janus. janus is a prostitute, and he tries to pick up patton, but the way he does it is what sets patton off. janus lies. he lies and lies about how he feels such a connection, that he's just a poor young boy who needs money for his family, that he'll do anything for a couple bucks. so patton pretends to go with the lie, and he again convinces the lying prostitute that he's in love with him. patton labels janus as the next sin: lust.

patton marries janus, and the second janus is ensnared, he becomes The Jezebel. this title hurts twice as much because janus is a transgender man, something else that he lied about when trying to get with patton. janus is sexually abused by patton day after day, because patton hopes that if janus can associate sex with pain, then he will no longer crave it so much.

and after that, the third sinner. patton meets a young man, about ten years younger than him, named virgil. virgil is a man who was bullied a lot in his youth, and this hardened him, making him angry and terrified of ever being vulnerable in front of others. so in order to make himself the strongest, virgil got very physically adept, and he collected a posse of people who thought just like he did, one thing led to another, and he became the leader of a small gang. patton realized, though, that the only people virgil ever targeted were people who he had a history with. people who virgil personally wanted to see suffer as a result of both the hurt that virgil had endured and the fear that if virgil did not assert dominance, then his past bullies would. patton titles virgil as: wrath.

patton once again marries virgil and ensnares him. and virgil's new role in the family is The Pet. virgil is trussed up like a dog, forced to walk on all fours and dehumanize himself. patton decides that this will be a lesson to virgil, to humble him and show him that physical strength does not make up for emotional weakness.

and finally, the last sinner. "god tells" patton that he only needs one more person to round out his family of sinners, his family that he will work ever so hard to correct and convert so they will walk on the right path and get to heaven when they die. and the unlucky person patton finds? a teenager, a boy named roman. fifteen years old, the child of an acquaintance of patton's, and the most spoiled boy that patton had ever seen in his life. roman wanted everything all the time, and he screamed and thrashed and threw fits when he did not get to do exactly as pleased. when patton was asked to babysit for the young terror, the man readily agreed. roman was a naive child. he would be the easiest person yet to ensnare. patton titled roman's sin: greed.

patton married roman the day the boy turned eighteen, whisking him away and making him become The Child. see, patton thought that roman was trying to grow up entirely too fast. roman wanted to make his own decisions. roman wanted to do everything he wanted, all by himself, with no guidance. so patton took every bit of freedom away from roman, as well as every chance at friendship, for roman also became patton's favorite, because in patton's eyes, roman was the most likely to be "saved". since he was the youngest, he could change his mind easier, and a spoiled child was an easy fix in patton's eyes. just take away everything they hold dear for a very long time until they have no choice but to become humbled. it would be simple.

and that's the au, pretty much! sorry for the word vomit, i just had to get all of this down before i forgot it! also, roman, virgil, janus, and logan all have deeper lore, lore that sort of explains further why they are the way they are. and also, patton is never trying to be evil. he never enjoys hurting his "family", and he genuinely believes that god is talking to him.

the most chilling thing about this au is that patton is completely convinced that he is the hero in the story. the one who is doing the right thing, and that the four men suffering at his hand are benefiting from what he is doing. it's just aghhh it's creepy and cool and it scratches my whumpy itch.

[koukouture]

Some interesting things abt Babylonia’s politics + some theories

*clown voice* Hola amigos! So I am fucking insane and took some notes (and screenshots) while reading the New Divide extra story chapter and I think it has some very interesting insights into Babylonia’s government! So I will be sharing those in no particular order

Parliament

As we can see in this screenshot here, there are some logos that aren’t just the standard WG logo. I have no idea what the one on the right is supposed to be for (possibly their version of their Supreme Court or smth) but I think the logo with the C is for the Control Court and the one in the middle is just for Gestalt. There are other logos in other shots of this meeting room thingy but half of them are cut off and these three are the only ones that are consistent.

I imagine these are the parties maybe? Idk what kinda government structure Babylonia has but that’s my guess. Wonder what party Hassen is from then.

Collins’ and Kurono’s intentions

Throughout this story, Collins is shown wanting more power in Parliament. Interesting when you consider that an ex Kurono member, Nikola is basically the second in Command of Babylonia’s army. Makes me wonder if there was ever a point Nikola had the same goal and thus joined parliament, since Liszt, a member of Kurono, is in parliament as a member of the Control Court.

Anyways that kinda segways into the next bullet point

Nikola and Hassen’s relationship

Their partnership never fails to intrigue me. Because Nikola left Kurono and is actively working with Hassen against them. (for the most part) I wonder how they became partners? Because iirc Nikola is still with Kurono during the events of Lucia and Luna’s interlude, which is roughly uh… ten ish years before the story starts? I could go into a whole speculative timeline on what I think was Hassen’s ascent to becoming president but I’m not going to rn.

I just really wanna know how they met and how long they’ve known each other because they seem to trust each other. And they know each other pretty well as evidenced by Nikola remarking that Hassen is far more ruthless than him in I believe it was Last Spark?? Idk I have a screenshot somewhere. Anyways they’re literally married it’s just very interesting to me.

(Also I think it’s kinda cute their suits are like inversions of the other’s colours? Hassen’s suit is grey with a black tie and Nikola’s suit is black with a grey tie idk if that was intentional and/or I’m reading too far into this but they’re a cute little duo TO ME)

Nikola’s opposition against Kurono

I am absolutely living for Nikola’s beef with his old faction oh my god. This shit is so fucking funny to me. Like I think he should have let Karenina beat the shit out of Collins. I know that there might be some trauma involved seeing as Kurono is responsible for like half of this game’s problems that aren’t the Punishing Virus, but still.

(I could go into heavy detail on why I think Nikola is highkey traumatized by Kurono but that is for another time”

He just hates them so fucking much and I think he’s actively praying on Kurono’s downfall I am so here for it.

Honestly? I hope Nikola gets what he wants I fucking hate Collins.

Vonnegut’s mole

Okay this was a little theory I came up with while I was reading through Roland’s little section of the story but how the fuck does Vonnegut know about the Lunar base and the Zero point reactor???? He has some explaining to do because I don’t think the general public knows about it.

This leads me to think that Vonnegut has some high ranking eyes up in Babylonia. Perhaps it’s a Kurono member. Idk. I just don’t fucking know how he knows abt the Lunar Base maybe I’ll re read that part but still I am confuzzled.

Kurono. Just, Kurono

Kurono is actually so sussy I am appalled that more people in Parliament aren’t trying to shut them down. Like they’re an entirely different organization with a private military, secret experiments, and general shady dealing and no one bats a fucking eye???

The way they sort of have their own government and operate outside of Babylonia’s rules too??? This is bonkers does nobody get the memo that Kurono is up to something??? I have a war crime counter tally and Kurono’s counts of illegal experimentation are slowly piling up oh my god.

I hope Nikola rats out all of Kurono’s and I hope he gets to kill Collins bc I think he deserves it.

Anyways this has been Kou’s delusions abt a fictional government I will see you again my dear reader once I get more lore crumbs

(Kuro plz translate the rest of Dominik’s orphans I see a link to the Manga on the PGR website you know you want to}

[agonycrossbow]

basically, we know exactly three things about Krauser's past:

he trained Leon

he loved his men but couldn't protect them, and then couldn't even die alongside them, and he feels incredible guilt over that

Leon says that he had a code of honor that he kept to, and the game outright says that he used to be a good guy

none of that

literally NONE OF IT

even hints that Krauser was an abuser. in fact, it paints a total opposite picture.

Krauser is a dark omen of what Leon could become under the right conditions, because he was also someone who believed wholeheartedly in the institutions that were supposed to support him, in the rule of authority and law, and in the chain of command -- all things that Leon believed in in RE2.

and just like Leon in RE2, he had all of that ripped out from under him in the harshest way possible.

but unlike Leon, Krauser didn't have a Sherry Birkin to protect. he was left completely and utterly alone. abandoned. and born from that trauma was a desperation to never have that happen to him again, which is why he goes out seeking power to protect himself with.

if Leon had had everything stripped away from him the way that Krauser had, who's to say that he wouldn't have become a villain himself? he certainly had justification for it, after all that'd happened to him.

and the game harps on this a few different times. Krauser says to Leon that they're two sides of the same coin. he also has a line: "I know your every move. you learned them from me." the implication here is that Leon is still walking down that path. he's not out of those woods yet. if he doesn't save Ashley... then what?

so go back and rewind now.

rewind to Leon being fresh out of RE2 and all of the horrible shit that happened to him and being placed under command of this man who's at least ten years his senior but still believes in all of the things that betrayed Leon in Raccoon City. that was probably a pretty powerful revelation for him, and -- knowing what we know about Leon -- it was something that he would've wanted to emulate. Krauser was a strong man who took no bullshit from anyone, but he still had things that he believed in. that's exactly the kind of person that Leon would want to be.

and like. Krauser couldn't have trained Leon with the efficacy that he did if Leon didn't trust him completely. like yeah, Leon ran missions with his unit, but their trainings were one-on-one affairs. if Leon didn't trust him, he wouldn't have been able to learn shit from him. and since Leon went into this relationship not being able to trust himself, even, after RE2, to be able to trust someone else to that extent is a Big Fucking Deal, actually.

like.

Leon doesn't want to fight Krauser in RE4make. and he certainly doesn't want to kill him. even after Krauser kills Luis, Leon's still trying to talk it out with him. because he loves this man. Krauser believed in him when he didn't even believe in himself, and Krauser's teachings are what kept him going this long.

and on the flipside of things, Krauser looked at Leon and saw nigh-limitless potential stuck inside of a man who was too broken to see it. the one thing that held Leon back was his own distrust of himself, and so it became Krauser's goal to build that confidence in him back up in order to unlock that potential. and to be a part of something like that -- to have that kind of effect on another human being's life -- that's some really powerful shit, too.

but then Operation Javier happens. and Leon lives, when all of Krauser's other men die. how do you cope with something like that? unfortunately, Krauser didn't.

so metaltango is like... at least for me...

it's a mentor/student relationship that's far more personal than that. Leon looks up to Krauser, sure, and Krauser has a vested interest in helping Leon become the best version of himself that he can, but... it's more than that. both of them saw pieces of themselves in each other. both of them drew hope from one another. but then that hope in both of them died, leaving them with nowhere else to go but spiraling towards certain destruction. the story between Leon and Krauser is a tragedy, but that tragedy wasn't born from abuse. it was born from the trust and hope and love that was lost between them.

[xluciferseyeshadowx]

OMG TUMBLR

y’all, istg I was just eating Honey Nut Cheerios when an idea for a book slapped me in the face holy shit-

So first, I remember a twitter quote. The quote was something about how life sucks now because eve ate that GODAMN apple in the garden of Eden and humans were meant to chill and eat fruit all day with our tits out and stuff. AND THEN I THOUGHT-HOLY SHIT. WHAT IF I WROTE A BOOK WHERE EVE NEVER ATE THE APPLE AND HUMANS STILL LIVED IN THE GARDEN OF EDEN- NAKED, EATING FRUIT, WITH NO TECHNOLOGY? AND WHAT IF IT WAS ACTUALLY CORRUPT? As somebody who has been going to church for years, I can say with confidence that the Bible is fucked. Women are seen as men’s property. People who are not Christian are shunned. There is lots of religious trauma vibes. So what if the morals like that from the Bible were still accurate and in this book? So I came up with some characters. Mary- she would be one of the main characters. She listens to her parents, and genuinely wants to please them. Her life is planned out for her and shit, because she does not know that life could be any other way from outside the garden. Until- because of the sexist nature of The garden of Eden- she is assaulted and starts believing that she wants something else.

Leah- the second MC. She would be very averse to the idea of being married, and often try to disobey her parents and fuck up her appearance to avoid being found attractive. She has always disliked life in the garden, and Mary being assaulted is the final straw. Beezle: He would be my portrayal of the Devil. Or satan, or whatever you want to call the snake that was in the adam & eve story. He would live near Eden, and he would turn from a snake into a human & spend most of his time tempting people into leaving the garden- rarely succeeding. He finds Mary after her assault and is like “I can totally manipulate this”, but after befriending her and Leah, they end up trying to get out of the garden, along with some others together.

Okay, so those are the main character I came up with. Here is some world building: The garden would be basically how they wrote it in the Bible, if it progressed past eve eating the apple. However, to avoid incest, multiple different families were made by god. They did not all stem from Adam and Eve. Because the garden is how it is in the Bible, it pretty easy to get the concept- mostly vegetarian diet, no clothing, living in harmony with animals and shit. Seems perfect right? WRONG. Because of the inherent religious pushing and being forced into family, there are strict rules that make little to no sense constricting the residents of the garden, especially women. For example: There is heavy influence of the Christian religion on everything, to a pathological degree. Sexual pleasure for women is looked down upon, and will even be punished. Obeying the Ten Commandments is the only real principles, leading to many loopholes and other crimes. Adam and Eve would be the leaders of the garden, controlling most of what goes on within it. They knew Beezle, and have spun the story to say that he was trying to ruin paradise for them by offering the apple. Heaven was actually trying to break free of god’s will. The main story plot would be Mary, Leah and Beezle trying to find a way to leave Eden, but ending up with them trying to help the others out.

[crisiscutie]

Regarding the Sephology 101 course, I would like to ask about a basic analysis into the psychological aspect of Sephiroth. As a Sephiroth admirer since I was kid, I really love to learn more about the mysterious man

-🌹

Content Warning: Discussions of child abuse and trauma. Long ramble below.

Welcome to Sephology 101. The course is now open!

We know from the canon that Sephiroth's psychological aspect has been painted by Shinra ever since he was born. His life was defined by TRAUMA. Before he was born, he was subjected to harrowing experiments, the first of his many traumas. That's already going to heavily influence his psychology and his well being. That is not even mentioning other genetic predispositions he inherited from his parents. Being taken away from his mother as a baby was undoubtedly a traumatic event as well, and its effects can be felt in his life, even though he can't remember it.

Shinra has crafted him into the perfect SOLDIER. Dutiful, obedient, strong, intelligent. I'm sure they only gave him the bare necessities and concentrated heavily on the art of warfare. And like I once said, he must've had an immense pressure to always be the best. He can't let up or appear weak, he kept up appearances. I've read an official fun fact that Sephiroth was a full time frontline fighter before he was TEN YEARS OLD. That is tragic and wild to me on so many levels. I always knew he was a child soldier, but I would've thought he spent most of his formative years preparing for the battlefield and occasionally visiting it.

Being a child soldier itself is just a mountain of trauma. He was taught to do and suffer through horrible things, but deep down, he was seeking validation without even being aware of it. Children's love for their caregivers is almost unconditional, particularly when they are very young. They will do what is taught to them, they will modify their behavior to accommodate the demands of the adults around them and they will have a strong faith in the adults to cherish and protect them... I'd imagine Sephiroth lost this unconditional love for Shinra as he grew up. Especially when he was given autonomy as a reward for his growing fame, like the ability to wear his own clothing, decline missions, discover his own hobbies, etc. These all gave him a sense of empowerment. With this, he will see more of what others had that he didn't. There's also the factor of how Shinra kept putting him into one traumatic situation into another... No matter how normalized abuse is, you will feel horrible about what is happening to you in some way or another, especially if it's by something or someone as your caregiver...

Another psychological aspect to focus on is that Sephiroth did not have a strong social circle. He had very few connections. The four known and strongest ones being Professor Gast, Angeal, Genesis and later Zack in Crisis Core, when the last two before him abandoned Sephiroth. I will say Sephiroth was attracted to these four not just because of the familiarity and comfort they bring to him, but also their nurturement. They encouraged Sephiroth to express and explore himself, and let him know that he wasn't alone. They were his anchors. Being around Sephiroth often was a requirement too, and the more time they spent together, the stronger their connection. This goes for those who Sephiroth despises, too. They stood out amongst the gray and muddied world in his mind to become a person of interest.

What astounded me the most about Sephiroth was his ability to remain composed and devoted despite his traumatic past. He was often distant to most people, but he showed a special kind of affection to his select few loved ones, and occasionally gave this attention to the men under his command. I think there was a deep and innate goodness within him, which was unfortunately destroyed when the truth about his background and who his 'mother' was was revealed.

I think Sephiroth's empathy doesn't get enough discussion. And yes, he is an empath, even Post-Nibelheim. Let me explain: I think his empathy is rooted in his time on the battlefield, where he had to be vigilant and pick up on the slightest changes in his environment and persons around him. Great fighters are great thinkers. Outside of the battlefield, he uses his empathy to pick up on the feelings of those around him and to express his compassion in the best way he knows how. Even before he was friends with Zack, he knew he had a special bond with Angeal, and he felt a pang of guilt whenever he asked Zack to take on his assignments. In Nibelheim, he picked up on the deep yearning of his men, particularly Cloud's, to see their loved ones again and he showed concern for Tifa when she wanted to go inside the reactor.

Post-Nibelheim, his empathy is more twisted. Thanks to his time in the Lifestream and his Jenova cells, he was able to tap into people's emotions to inflict emotional pain. In my opinion, I think the biggest showcase of this is when he read Tifa's mind and created an elaborate story of how Cloud was just a Jenova puppet created by Hojo. That's a rather impressive feat, and he was so close to breaking Cloud then... His silver tongue is as sharp as his sword.

Sephiroth's sadism is sophisticated, yet viciously merciless. He desires to break others down and to project his own traumas and weaknesses into them. I'm fairly certain he does not think himself as evil and rather, righteous in dispensing the pain the world has caused him and his "mother"...

Anyway, there is much more unpack about Sephiroth, but that's what Sephology 101 is for. Feel free to ask questions or send some contributions. The course is open now.

~ TA C.C

Also, I called it on 7R Rebirth not being at the Playstation Showcase.

[skarabrae-stone]

Okay, here we go. Thanks to @burberrycanary for the tag!

Rules: Fic authors self rec! When you get this, reply with your favorite five fics that you've written, then pass this onto other writers. Let’s spread the self-love 💖

Not a Perfect Soldier -- 93k | M | Bucky Barnes/Steve Rogers | MCU

Summary: In a world where HYDRA was wiped out in the '40s, Steve is found by the Army rather than SHIELD. General Thaddeus Ross wants a perfectly obedient super-soldier at his command, and to that end, he sets out to break Steve to his will. As Steve struggles to come to terms with all he has lost, his life in captivity is only made bearable by the presence of another prisoner-- another super-soldier known only as "Soldat". Then the Avengers strike a deal with Ross to "borrow" him for missions, and Steve is faced with a team who dislikes him, an organization he doesn't trust, and the question of what he's willing to do to escape Ross's clutches. This is probably still my favorite of the fics I've written, as it included a lot of themes/tropes that I enjoy reading as well as writing. It was a really interesting challenge to handle Steve and Bucky's separate traumas, and the various misunderstandings between Steve and the Avengers. This was also my first time writing Jewish Bucky in a way that really focused on that aspect of his identity, and I'm really grateful to siyuttov for their help in making that part of the story more accurate. I'm also really proud of the fact that I wrote a novel-length fic!

You Can Touch -- 3k | E | Bucky Barnes/Peggy Carter/Steve Rogers | MCU

Summary: She opens the door almost as soon as he knocks, ushering him inside before he can say anything. Her hair is partway down, her jacket and tie folded neatly over the back of a chair. She was getting ready for bed, he supposes, or at least planning to stay in for the night. Steve is in a meeting. Bucky goes to visit Peggy. There are three fics in this series, but this one has a special place in my heart. This was my first fic where I really tried to get explicit, and it was also different from my usual Steve/Bucky-focused fics in that most of the fic is just Bucky/Peggy (Steve comes in at the end). I really loved writing the developing intimacy between Bucky and Peggy, and there's always something fascinating to me about characters choosing to be vulnerable with each other, and taking care of each other/allowing themselves to be taken care of.

The Kind You Save -- 37k | M | Bucky Barnes/Steve Rogers/Sam Wilson | MCU

Summary: When HYDRA sends the Winter Soldiers to assassinate the new Captain America, they expect the mission to be an easy one. After all, they're super-soldiers-- how hard can it be to kill one unenhanced human? As more and more of their attempts prove unsuccessful, however, the Soldiers' respect for Wilson grows, as does their suspicion that HYDRA's motives are not what they seem. If Sam Wilson is a good man, what does that make them…? I really love playing with the concept of Steve as the Winter Soldier. I also love Sam Wilson as Captain America. So Steve and Bucky as Winter Soldiers who first attempt to assassinate Sam, then start to fall for him as they realize what a good person he is, was great fun for me! It was really interesting to figure out what Steve's personality as the Winter Soldier might be like, and how his and Bucky's dynamic might work if they were both brainwashed. And it was great getting to write Sam as the hero he is!

Brave Soldier Boy (Comes Marching Home) -- 2k | G | Bucky Barnes/Steve Rogers | MCU

Summary: Ten years after losing her son in the war, Winnifred Barnes receives an unexpected visitor. The Winter Soldier needs her help with an important mission. This story is from the point of view of Winnifred Barnes, which I really enjoyed writing! Mothers in the MCU tend to be dead if they're mentioned at all, and I really enjoyed giving Winnifred (and the rest of Bucky's family) a chance to shine. Several people told me they were nervous to read this because of the title, but it has a happy ending!

Let Me Touch You for Awhile -- 2k | T | Bucky Barnes/Steve Rogers | MCU

As Bucky heals from his experiences as the Winter Soldier, he begins to remember some of the things he's been missing out on-- specifically, the fact that Steve and Bucky used to be comfortable touching each other, whether it was an arm around the shoulders or a hug goodbye. But Steve in the present day seems determined to give Bucky space... much more space than Bucky wants. Can Bucky work up the courage to ask for the physical intimacy he craves? Set after an Infinity War that ended differently, with the Avengers and co. defeating Thanos before he had the chance to Snap. I'm a huge fan of touch-starved Bucky, but I'd never written a fic that just focuses on that, so I really enjoyed writing this! This is also a bit of a fix-it with everyone surviving Infinity War (and no Endgame), and I liked getting the chance to write a cameo of Natasha and Yelena's relationship.

@elvenfforestydd, @h-i-raeth, @16woodsequ, @lycorogue, @xemiliagryphonx, @planeoftheeclectic, @bifuriouswaterbender and anyone else who'd like to join in, please play if you want to!

[augment-techs]

ten of swords (Green!Adam, White!Jason, Slayer!Kimberly escape to Prime Universe)

For wip Wednesday

It was not something he had been looking forward to, but seeing as Adam was in the middle of trying to explain the need for haste and to gather the forces of the Grid in order to defend against and defeat Drakkon, there really was nobody else that could address the issues that Kim was in the middle of.

Twenty years worth of PTSD in one go. It was well and truly amazing that she'd held off as long as she had.

Her little double without the trauma had already helped her clean off the blood, the little Trini having supplied her and the other two clothes from a thrift shop after taking their measurements and Billy and the little Jason having fed them (well, the older Jason and Kim; Zack had to get the measurements from Adam when the newly Green sentry hissed at the young Yellow Ranger that if she so much as touched him it would take all of his willpower not to kill her), but if anything, the lack of dried red made Kim look even more drawn and pale. She looked no less haggard and now even looked smaller, practically drowning in the cable knit coral sweater she'd pulled on before finding an old storage closet to mourn in.

Tommy and the younger Jason excused themselves from the awkward moment, Tommy giving the elder man a small nod as they walked back to the end of the hall where the Stone Canyon Trio waited with respect.

Jason smiled at the smaller version of Adam as the young man left a full kettle of tea and two cups in the shadow the door cast as Aisha and Rocky pulled him gently away.

'The poor thing.'

Jason wasn't sure if that passing thought was for the boy, the man in the Command Center main hangar that was trying to wade through a billion different emotions at once, the Tommy Oliver that was so afraid for his Jason Scott, the Omega Red trying to wrap his head around a version of himself having been what basically amounted to a regent and a whore for twenty years, or Kimberly rocking back and forth in guilt and despair.

Jason settled for giving it to Kim as he set himself down in the soft jeans and white t-shirt that felt heavenly even compared to years in fabrics he never would have dreamed of wearing in his youth. He gently and carefully placed a hand on her back, like one might do with a feral cat, expecting her to pull away or scream at the touch.

But instead, much to his deep sadness, she seemed to sink even deeper into herself even as she leaned over into his shoulder, tears and snot and drool saturating the fabric as she coughed up what he could feel in his bones had been coming.

"I killed him, I killed him, I...I shot him after that monster stabbed him... How am I supposed to...to live with this?"

The feeling of blood on his feet as he skidded through it before ending up with it on his knees and hands offered up its own stain of course afterburn in Jason's mind, but he grit his teeth and wrapped his arm around his friend, rocking them a little in place as he searched for the words to say.

"I suppose the same way I live with not knowing he was a scape goat on my behalf. The same way I live with having enjoyed fucking that monster and taking the reins of his power in the vacuum of his absence on and off through the years. And... I don't think you killed him. Those knives and that sword looked like they did a lot more damage than your arrows. And since none of us stuck around to see the finale, we'll also never know if it was the blood loss or Drakkon himself that closed the curtains." He took a breath as tears slid down his own face, kissing the crown of her head and squeezing her tighter.

"And he forgave you, Kim. He set you free and made sure you could live, the same as me and Adam."

[scattered-winter]

Can you give us some details on your world building for the culture of the Galra Empire?

yea ofc!!

I'm still working out specifics, but ofc the galra empire is very focused on victory in battle (hence "victory or death" being one of their most common phrases) and general Conquering Of Enemies which is due both to how the galra culture has always been and also to ten thousand years of war and propaganda. the galra value strength above all else, though what defines strength varies depending on who you talk to. (zarkon, for example, values ruthlessness and sheer power as strength, whereas lotor recognizes the strength in collaborating with people of different skills, and drawing from many different places to find solutions for problems instead of using brute force. both methods of thinking make them strong + dangerous enemies and leaders in different ways that both conform to the ideal of Strength that the galra rule by.)

additionally, galra are fairly social creatures that rely on packs (family/found family units) for emotional needs and physical closeness. (another facet of Strength stems from Protecting The Pack, which is one of the most important expectations of a Leader). galra require physical closeness with loved ones in order to be happy and healthy, and so zarkon and his head commanders purposely use a lot of robotic sentries for the bulk of their crews and forces with only a few actual live soldiers here and there because separating the soldiers from their pack and keeping them essentially locked up with only robots to keep them company makes them crankier and generally more trigger-happy. (fun fact: this contributes to keith's initial prickliness at the beginning !! ofc a lot of it is also the Trauma and his personality but as he gets closer to A Pack for the first time some of the unhappiness lessens as his galra side starts getting what he needs <3)

the empire is, of course, largely dedicated to the war. resources, soldiers, and anything else of use is given to the empire. there are very few Civilian Galra because of the military draft, but those that are around are generally either too young or too old to be in the military. and, contrary to what the paladins see in their travels, quite a large demographic of galra aren't happy with the war, either. ofc propaganda and nationalism are a big part of the culture and so a lot of them are all about Conquering and Enslaving Inferior Races and all that shit but for a lot of them?? they're tired of war. they're tired of their children being sent to the front lines, and they're tired of being half-starved because of the demand for food for the soldiers. they just want to live their lives without having to worry about being drafted to enslave Another Planet when they literally have more than enough resources to sustain themselves. many of the galra who feel this way fled to join rebel groups scattered around the universe, or even the blade of marmora, but a lot of them are still in the empire itself (either because they have nowhere to go or because they're too scared to leave or advocate for change because disagreeing with the emperor out loud is a good way to die).

there's a lot of mixed races in the empire as well!! i mean as we've discussed in other posts, after 10 thousand years of conquering there's been a lot of interspecies mixing around going on. some mixed galra appear galra enough that they can escape some of the discrimination, but most of them are practically second-class citizens. lotor, being the only one of the royal family who's mixed race, gets the brunt of discrimination from the kingdom itself and his family because of how public a figure he is, and that's one of the reasons why his team is all mixed galra because they literally have nowhere else to belong but to each other.

and lastly, the language !! I think I said this in one of the chapter notes, but I'm ROUGHLY basing the galra language off of russian, ukrainian, et cetera. I don't think I'm smart enough to just pull a whole language out of my ass (side eyes jrr tolkien) so all the alien languages have roots in irl languages just to give me a place to start. but I'm pretty much just using basic spelling/words as a base and building on them with my own spelling/grammar stuff, so nothing should translate because I'm not trying to make it translate. I get the initial "translation" of what I'm needing off of google translate (which already makes it a pretty rough translation ahlskjgdh) and then from there I cut out pieces of words and add other letters and change pronunciations so on and so forth, and even compare different spellings across other languages with similar linguistic origins.

(just an example: znaniya ilo smeirk means "knowledge or death" in galran, and I got the base for the phrase from mixing and matching "znannya abo smert" [ukrainian*] and "znaniye ili smert'" [russian*] and kinda fucked with the spelling and pronunciation even further to make it sound harsher and more galra-like based on the galra words we actually hear from the show)

*both base translations came from google translate so they most likely don't translate to their language of origin even before I made the changes

[league-of-sam]

As Grim as the Reaper | Simon 'GHOST' Riley PREQUEL

Ghost x Reader, Graves x Reader

CHAPTER TEN

Phillip Graves x AFAB!Reader!OC 18+ MINORS DNI! t.w // angst, mental health, language, violence, death, sexual themes/SMUT, military inaccuracies, language inaccuracies (google translate).

As Grim as the Reaper: Masterlist

Graves barely left your side through your recovery.

He stayed in the ward with you every single night, whether that was in the bed with you, or on the chair, pulled up close enough for him to grip your hand tightly. You'd insisted he go and rest at home, but he was adamant.

Thankfully, you'd always been a fast healer, so after a few days you were able to leave the confines of the medical ward.

The bullet graze on your shoulder was doing well, only requiring few stitches. But, you'd taken significant damage to your side, as the bullet hit you in the same place as your old wound from Afghanistan.

Trauma on trauma was not a nice combination, but you put on a brave face.

Not that that stopped people fussing over you, doing anything and everything you needed doing.

Emily was there whenever you needed anything. She helped you to shower, get dressed, walk around the base. She did everything Graves would when he wasn't there, and it made your bond with her stronger. 

And Graves, he did everything you wanted.

No exceptions.

It had almost become strange to see you without him around base, and many caught onto the fact that maybe, there was a little something more there than you and the commander were letting on.

It was a needed distraction, to be honest. 

Laswell had cut contact with you completely after you were taken off the mission. You couldn't speak to Alex, or Farah, or John, or even Gaz. Any update you got, you got from her, in random phone calls.

The last you heard, John had gone to St. Petersburg with Gaz, and managed to intercept the Butcher at a meeting, executing him. They managed to find out about Barkov's lab in Georgia, and Laswell had to hand Hadir over to the Russian army after finding him in Moldova. 

The last you heard, there were plans to meet with Alex and Farah to apprehend Barkov and destroy the lab.

And that was a week ago.

It had been radio silence since, and frankly, you were more than just a little on edge.

"Knew I'd find you here, doll."

Turning your head from the window, you found Graves leaning against the doorway of the break room, eyes on you with his arms crossed over his chest.

You smiled, before turning back to the window.

He pushed off the wood, moving over to you and taking the seat next to you, "Shouldn't wander off on your own, not in your state."

"I was shot, Phillip, I'm not dying." You laughed.

"It was bad though, you could'a."

You sighed, shrugging, "Yeah, nothin' I haven't experienced before. I'm alright, until Em has to come and help me in and out of the shower or into bed."

Graves laughed, leaning a little closer, "Y'know, I could help, I am stronger after all."

"Behave."

Your small laughs brought a wide smile to his face.

He knew how much you'd struggled being cut off from everyone, not having Laswell to keep you in the loop, and he'd tried his best to distract you from it, to keep you safe and healing well.

"Really though, are ya doin' okay?" He spoke once more, scooting closer to place a warm hand on your leg.

"Yeah, m'okay. Starting not to hurt so much anymore."

"Good, s'good." He smiled.

The two of you continued to sit in silence, watching the base go by outside. 

The sun shined brightly, casting a flattering glow over your features. And while you watched the world, chin resting on your hand, Graves watched you.

The way your eyelashes fluttered as you blinked made the butterflies in his stomach go wild. Even after almost two years of knowing you, you still had such a hold on him.

Because you were so god-damn beautiful.

Sweeter than honey.

"Commander Graves, Sergeant Price," A voice came from behind, making the two of you turn. "You're needed in the conference room, order of General Shepherd."

You looked to each other confused, but shrugged, and followed the soldier out of the room slowly, Graves with an arm around you to support you.

As you entered the conference room, every person in there offered you some type of smile. Some were happy to see you, others were glad to see you upright, and then the select few...well their eyes went straight to your would, currently bound in layers of bandaging, your hand resting protectively over it.

They were quick to look away once Graves clocked on, throwing them a scowl as he helped you to a better spot.

Whatever this meeting was about was serious, because there wasn't a single spare chair, people lining up around the sides of the room.

"I'll be right behind ya, alright?" Graves whispered in your ear as he found the two of you an open space.

"Promise?"

"I promise, darlin'."

To prove it, he stood behind you, slightly to the side, his front pressing against you and a hand resting softly on the small of your back. You leaned back into his touch, and he stiffened himself to support your weight.

The second Laswell entered the room with General Shepherd in tow, the room fell silent. 

You wanted to jump up, run to her, hug her. But the look on her face made your brows furrow. The way she avoided meeting your gaze made your heart beat faster.

What was going on?

"Good Afternoon." Shepherd started, "You have all been gathered here, because in one way or another, you have had some involvement in the mission concerning the chemical gas and General Barkov's connections with Al-Qatala."

Murmurs of confirmation sounded around the room, many nodding at the files being handed around.

"We have gathered you here today to inform you all that this mission has now been successfully completed. General Barkov has been eliminated, and the Russian federation denounced him. While the AQ still poses a threat, they are not a concern, for now."

Laswell stepped forward, then, raising her head, "Please...before you celebrate, before you believe this was a succes...it wasn't. Good men were lost, more injured. Our own Sergeant Price almost lost her life on this mission."

She gestured to you, and finally offered you a saddened smile. Eyes turned to you, and you nodded slightly, suddenly feeling anxious of the attention on you.

"But now, and I could not be more sorry to do this in this way, but we lost one of our own on this." Laswell finished,  but her eyes did not leave yours.

Almost as though she was speaking directly to you.

No.

She wasn't.

Right?

Your expression dropped quickly, and you craned your neck to gaze up at Graves, who looked back at you with the same confusion on his face.

"I am hurt and saddened to inform you all, that in the apprehension of General Barkov and the destruction of the laboratory in Georgia...Sergeant Alex Keller, callsign Echo 3-1, is currently missing in action, presumed KIA."

The wind was knocked from you.

You couldn't breathe.

You couldn't move.

You couldn't think.

You opened and closed your mouth, but no sound would come out. 

Nothing.

Gasps had sounded around the room, the mutters of others talking in disbelief or sorrow, but you could barely hear it over the ringing in your ears.

Laswell approached you, but you moved back, shoving Graves from you, hand tight over your bandage.

"Don't, Kate." You shook your head, tears welling in your eyes, "Don't...you're a liar. You're lying."

She reached out for you, taking your free hand, "I'm sorry, honey, I'm not. We can't...he's gone, (Y/N)-"

"No!" You yelled, yanking away from her, doubling over as pain shot through you.

"Everyone, out. Now." Graves commanded, ushering people out of the room quickly before coming back to your side. "Seriously, Laswell? Is that true?"

"I'm afraid so."

That was it.

The words that pushed the tears over the edge, and they fell freely as you started to sob. It was weakening, and you stumbled as you tried to get onto a chair. Graves rushed from his position to grab you, lowering you down gently. 

"Kate, please..." You whimpered, "Please say it's not true. He's my best friend, please..."

It took everything in Laswell to not let her own tears fall as she crouched in front of you, "I'm so sorry honey. I just can't. We don't- we can't find a body, but John...there's no way he got out."

"W-why couldn't you tell me before?" You sniffed, "Why did you have to tell me like this? In front of everyone?"

Laswell lowered her head, shameful, "I didn't have authorisation to. No one was allowed to speak of it until Shepherd was updated."

"What happened?" You asked, deadpan.

"They got to the lab. The plan was to blow it up with a remote detonator, but it got damaged in the fight. Alex volunteered to stay behind and set the bombs manually instead of Farah."

"Of course he did." You laughed bitterly, the taste of salt on your tongue, "He was always a sucker for fighting for the right cause."

Laswell leant forward, collecting you into her arms, holding you tightly as you sobbed, screaming through your pain and grief.

"I'm so sorry," She soothed, hand running through your hair.

"He's MIA though, right? He could be okay-"

"No, sweetie. I saw the footage, I spoke to John and Farah...he couldn't have made it out of there. I'm sorry."

Her words did not comfort, they did make things clearer. 

They did not help.

Your best friend was gone, and he wasn't coming back.

[ashes-and-static]

Right so I'm stuck on the Psychonauts train and I need to screech this into the black hole that is Tumblr

Spoilers (at least vague ones) for Psychonauts 2, so it goes under a cut. Warning for talking around trauma.

After the events of Psychonauts 2, Hollis Forsythe mandates therapy for everyone under her command who was involved with the events of the game (and especially the newly-minted junior agents). She also recommends therapy for the non-Psychonaut Aquatos, offering them their choice of therapist(s) at no cost to the family.

This goes over fairly neutrally for the kids who have been in the Intern program for a while - par for the course, pretty bog-standard when there's a major event. And, being that this is the Psychonauts, major events are pretty common.

It goes over like a lead balloon for Razputin, who has never had any kind of psychotherapy before and does not like people being in his head (literally or figuratively) any more than is necessary. Even with Sasha or Milla, he's EXTREMELY reticent to let them into his head. Or to really talk about what all happened. Like, yes everything happened and he did his best, that's all anyone can ask of him right?

Except, no, that's not the question, Raz. Raz is canonically 10 years old (unrelated fun fact, I thought he was 12 until recently), and not only ran away from home, not only had to help rescue his heroes from a man driven mad by his personal demons, BUT he was also subjected to psilirium poisoning, had to rescue his heroes and his girlfriend? (he's still unsure if she's actually his girlfriend, to my knowledge) from the person who kidnapped the Grand Head of the Psychonauts, AND THEN we have. Everything. from Psychonauts 2.

Lemme see here, we have 1)relentless bullying from the interns for the first while, 2)the whole thing in Hollis' mind, 3) the process of trying to find the mole (including both himself and the only friend he really has in the Motherlobe being suspect), 4) sorting through the various traumas and tribulations of the members of the Psychic 6, 5) confronting and dealing with literal generational trauma inflicted on his family by one of his greatest heroes.

So, yes, Raz needs therapy. Raz does not acknowledge that he needs therapy.

Imagine it's his Nona who breaks through to him, by sitting down with him and asking him to talk about everything. (Imagine Lucretia, between the founding of the Psychonauts and the events in Grulovia, pursuing a degree in psychology). Imagine Hollis listening in (with Lucy's permission), and being horrified about what all this kid, this literal ten-year-old has gone through in under a week. And Raz is nonchalant about it, at first. Plays at being blase about the literal brain-powered battle tanks, the terror-inducing experience of thinking he was being left behind by the others at the end of RoR, the isolation and humiliation he felt during his internship.

And then Lucretia says something along the lines of "I would've been scared, trying to go through all of that."

And Raz... pauses.

And in the smallest voice ever, says "yeah, it was... um. it was really, really scary."

And that's the breakthrough moment. He doesn't cry, not unless it's in the private safety of his family's camp, but he does just. wilt. Lucy talks with him about everything, and talks about how Hollis has pulled some strings and has offered therapy to the entire Aquato family. To her.

And to him.

Look I have thoughts™ about my faves getting therapy and taking care of their mental and physical health.

(Yes, this specific instance involves Raz getting a PTSD service dog because there is no way Raz is not dealing with trauma.) (also imagine best boy with a best boy/girl of his own, either a newfie or a great pyranese - dog is literally big enough for him to ride on and is perfectly willing to leverage its superior size to make him sit still and do his therapy exercises)

[themousefromfantasyland]

Holy Week for Me

[I choose these images to show how the churches of my childhood used to look like]

I came from a religious family. My parents are still Conservative Evangelicals. I'm sure this is a pleonasm 😂

I feel bad and silly when I say a have a little Religious Trauma. I was pretty sheltered from the wildest side of the church. My parents never forced me to do anything I didn't want to. I never went to any church camps or church-specific vacations.

But I always felt guilty. Because of my sexuality, and just because I felt like I was a bad Christian. I think it was my general disinterest in Church social events that made me feel like that. I never truly felt I belonged with them.

I wanted to prove to God I was a good Christian, so when I was a child, every night, at 8 pm, I would shun myself into my room and read several chapters of the Bible. There was so much other stuff I wanted to do, like just watch cartoons on TV, but I felt too guilty to give up. My parents started bragging about me to their church friends so it was too late for me to stop.

During three to four years I read the Bible to start to finish, and do you want to know what happened? I developed a massive anxiety crisis. That's what happens when you realize your God seems mostly unable to manifest himself as anything beyond plagues, curses, and super deadly things. God punishes. A lot. He enjoys punishing. For everything. From that day on, I was always afraid of God's punishment.

My anxiety grew to a point that made my parents miserable. I couldn't control my obsessive thoughts about Heaven, Hell, Satan, and God.

I was depressed, anxious, and very afraid.

And then came a thought that changed my life forever. What if these stories are just stories?

That sent me on the biggest journey of my life. Suddenly everything I thought I knew about the world and myself had changed. I had a massive existential crisis because of that. But I felt freer than I ever felt.

I stayed agnostic for a couple of years. I didn't want to completely abandon the faith. But when I came out as gay and agnostic to my parents and they start cursing me, telling me I was going to Hell... Let's say my parents did more to drive me away from God than I wanted to.

I was still Conservative around this time, but they made me more of a Progressive.

We are fine now. As long as I never mention my sexuality or lack of faith ever again. Honestly, I don't know what they think. They probably still hope it's just a phase.

This leads me to my point. The first time I ever felt free to assume my sexuality, at least to myself was on a Good Friday. It was in a way, a death and resurrection of my own.

The Holy Week for me it's more than just Jesus. It's "time to revisit my Religious Trauma" week. Okay, I'm not being fair. There's more than trauma. There's Nostalgia. It is a super painful nostalgia.

It's the time of the year when I revisit my childhood, my coming out, and my issues with the religion of my parents.

I watch movies that were special to me growing up like Prince of Egypt, the Ten Commandments, Sampson and Delilah, Noah's Ark, and Jesus films, and realize how disconnected they all seem to me now.

I always loved biblical epics, but these stories are just like my family. They are a world that will never accept me, and I will never fit in. I can just stare into the distance.

It's time to look back at my past and look for the future.

@ariel-seagull-wings @thealmightyemprex @tamisdava2 @the-blue-fairie @amalthea9 @princesssarisa @natache @autistic-prince-cinderella