#how yeza was treated is one of them

[threadroseart]

I gave myself a new Critical Role headcannon in part 2 of my M9 wizards trying hard not to treat Ashton like a specimen comic: The Mighty Nien Wizard Morality Committee.

Now that my brain has a new toy, it won't let me rest until I flesh it out.

The Wizard Morality Committee meets each month at the Mighty Nein get-together. It is comprised of Caduceus, Beau, and Fjord.

There were a few bumps in choosing the members.

Yasha recused herself.

Kingsley decided this was above his paygrade, and he'd be over there drinking instead. Plus, he's in charge of Jester distraction.

Veth is not allowed to pass judgement because she's often the one being yelled at. (Yeza may or may not be an informant)

Jester was considered, but wasn't allowed for two reasons. 1. There was an underlying fear that she might agree to something she shouldn't because of the pranking opportunities. 2. Both wizards are so worried about what Jester thinks of them, there's no way they'd be completely honest. No one could figure out how to say that to her or curb her enthusiasm. The official reason is that "but if you join, we'll have an even number. And it needs to be odd, so there can't be a tie." Kingsley quickly picked up on the real issue and started in on how boring the whole thing sounds anyway and pulled her into figuring out what fun things they could do while "the boring people are talking." No one knows for sure what Jester does/doesn't know about why she's not on the committee, but she seems happy with it.

Veth's condition for allowing them to tell her what to do is that they can only weigh in on magic matters. They have no say in alchemy or fluffernutter.

There is a very high probability that this will turn into a series of jokes with one of the above pictures being the punch line. Open to suggestions of what morally dubious research (or not-age appropriate camp magic lessons) the two or three are up to.

[utilitycaster]

1 & 3 for the ask game?

Character who everyone gets wrong: obviously, cherished mutuals exempt from this, but: Essek. I think Essek is interesting because he's gotten wildly wrong in such different ways. On the "pro-Essek" side you have people who smooth away all of his bitchy, secretive, morally suspect traits in favor of an uwu soft sad queer wizard romance narrative; or alternately people who play up the bitchiness and vanity specifically in order to basically recreate what they wanted between Caleb and Molly except with a different purple guy while ignoring his curiosity, intelligence, and withdrawn personality traits. Then you have the people who hate him, and none of them actually would give a single solitary fuck about Yeza or Adeen Tasithar as NPCs if it wasn't something they could point to about Essek, and a lot of those people treat Essek as, as I've said before, mold that just mysteriously grew on the campaign instead of an NPC Matt put before the party who grew into something much more than his original concept because of how the Mighty Nein changed him. You get people who insist that any narrative in which Liliana or Opal isn't redeemed will be bad and then claim Essek's narrative is bad because he was redeemed. Anyway, the truth, that he's a complicated character who is indeed standoffish and selfish by his own admission and frequently petty, but who consistently has put in effort to change, is the best character, and there are absolutely people who get this! but a WHOLE lot of people don't.

worst take you've seen: so I'm not going to screenshot, though boy I considered it, but there's a whole mindset that I outlined in this post (now rebloggable, btw, because it hasn't stopped) that is unfortunately at a terminal stage in a (thankfully) small portion of the fandom, where they just. lie or fabricate alternate realities that assume the worst of everyone else and essentially use characters' identities to attempt to shut down any criticism of said character. The latest example I've seen is that Ashton obviously can't be falling for dangerous violent fascist-adjacent ideologies because their lace code is "queer pride" which is. the argument that queer people can't fall for hate groups is truly horrifying, particularly in a conversation that's already about people ignoring fairly common dogwhistles because the disabled nonbinary person is also falling for them. Like, it's a shell game, because almost every character in CR and the vast majority of fans on Tumblr at least fit into at least one systemically oppressed identity, so you get this group of people who will just be like "you CAN'T be mean to Ashton, they are disabled and nonbinary" except Imogen (wlw, fits into a disability narrative) is getting tired of their shit, and among the fans saying that the titan ideology is a MASSIVE red flag, most if not all are queer, several are disabled, and several (myself included) are from ethnic/religious minority groups. The reason these fans keep getting away with it is that most people aren't so morally bankrupt, egotistical, and tacky as to outright say such blatantly false statements as "you can't disagree with me, I'm neurodivergent" or "you can't disagree with Orym, he's gay" and really, we need to start calling it out more because it's unbelievably damaging to any sort of meaningful discussion, if you just invoke about your nebulous nameless disabled/nonwhite/queer/whatever friends to argue against people who are disabled and/or nonwhite and/or queer themselves who disagree with you, especially since they have actual textual arguments.

[blorbologist]

Trick or treat! Veth!! 💛

Treat! Had this in mind for a few days - though it's mostly Veth/Yeza modern AU fluff <3

--

“Honey?” 

“Yeah?!” Veth hollers, bagging the sandwich and fruit slices and maybe a couple chocolates and neatly crimpling the bag shut. Sure, their apartment is right above his shop, so he could just make himself something in the kitchen… but she likes giving him a hand-packed lunch. It’s the little things. Especially today, when he has a meeting with those pharmaceutical bigshots. Her heart swells with pride - her Yeza, her smart man. 

Yeza rounds the corner, still in his nightshirt, with one of the button-downs she hasn’t seen in a while thrown over his arm. “I - oh, thank you -” Even years later, he loses his train of thought when he sees her sometimes. Just has to pause and plant a kiss to her temple. She’s the luckiest woman in the fucking world for every moment she can make this genius speechless. 

Still. There was something like worry in his tone, and he can’t be worried now of all times. She won’t let that be. “What is it, Yeza?”

“Oh! Yes.” He presents the shirt to her, pointing out a missing button, the threads sticking out like splinters or shards of bone. (Veth has to blink that away.) “Do you know if we have any spares? I know these things usually come with one or two, but I didn’t want to mess up your collection. Or steal from it.”

“Stealing’s fine.” Veth dismisses it with a wave of her hand. “Besides! You wouldn’t find it there anyways.”

Yeza blinks. “Oh.” And then, “Oh. Why?”

How, he asks, because he’s her husband and he knows her. He knows that she has thousands of buttons - big ones, little ones, rare antiques, modern takes, the whole shabang. She’s taken them from blouses and pants, labcoats and purses, craft sections and trash cans, even well-dressed fucking teddies. Thoudands - a pretty fucking great collection, and one she’s proud of.

He knows, and he knows she’d never pass up on a button. Not even the most bland and boring and beat-up ones. (Those were a little too much like a little girl forgotten in the back of every family picture, and she treasures those most. Well. Almost most.)

Point is. Veth? Not having a button she had easy access to in her collection? Definitely cause to ask why.

So Veth pulls out her necklaces. 

It’s all buttons, of course. And she’s pretty sure Yeza is vaguely familiar with the mess of them, if not the individual dimes and moons and eyes of color.

She points to one - kinda squished behind two big flat ones - and pries it into the light with her nails. And then she pulls the necklace over her head, the familiar clatter some sort of protest.

“I kept it here,” she says, already fiddling around for her knife - well, some people would call it a dagger. “Not to be weird or anything. Just - all the ones from your shirts. Or Luc’s. They’re just spares, right? And I figure, if I have them on me, part of you is with me. Always.”

That always hangs between them, heavy. The buttons move in her hands. Click-clack. She gets to finding the right thread to cut the one Yeza needs loose. “Anyways! It’s silly. And means that if you need them, I have them here. Here:”

There it is. She angles her knife to cut the beige button loose. The needle and thread should be in - which drawer was it -

Yeza’s hand is on hers. Gentle, but firmly easing the blade’s edge away from the button.

“Always,” he echoes. Clears his throat. “Actually - you keep it. I’m sure there’s another fancy shirt I could wear.”

“Are you sure?” Veth asks, oddly shrill. Not sure why. “Sure? Because - Luc didn’t do the laundry last, night, and -”

He squeezes her hand, runs a thumb over her knuckles. His eyes are creased so perfectly, shiny (the best, crisp black buttons) behind his glasses.

“I’m sure, honey.”

Yeza eases the necklace back over Veth’s head, smoothing the buttons among their kin on her chest. And then he’s rushing off for another shirt, yelping when Veth slaps him on the ass as he scrambles past.

🎃Trick or Treat! Send me an ask and you'll get a trick (angst) or treat (fluff) ficlet in return! 🎃

[revvethasmythh]

I've just read through your FCG meta/response from yesterday and I love it. With regards to the popularity of Sam's characters (and I agree with a lot of what you said on why), how much of that do you think is connected to how shippable his characters are from a fandom POV? In campaign 1, Pikelan is so much less popular than the other 2 canon ships. In campaign 2, anything other than Veth/Yeza (almost no fandom engagement) is treated as a crackship (fjeth) or most people insist it's familial (widobrave). Then obviously there is very little shipping for FCG in general. Is it because he's a funnyman? Is it what you were talking about with flawed characters and how they wouldn't consistently serve a fave enough to be shipped with them? Is it just that he tends not to create conventionally attractive characters? I'd say the gulf in ship popularity for the canon ships of campaign 1 followed the lines of conventional attractiveness a little strictly for me to write it off as coincidence, even if there were other extending circumstances like Pike being away a lot of the time. And the fact that one of Sam's most popularly shipped characters (Loquatius) happens to be one of the more conventionally attractive ones. Although it's pretty clear from watching calamity that those two would've been a very popular couple regardless.

That became a vent but the main question is do you think that one feeds the other? Are Sam's characters less popular because they're less shippable by fandom standards? Or are they less shipped because they're less popular? Or do those two things feed one another? I'm sorry that was a lot thrown at you but since your recent analysis was so good that I was curious to hear your thoughts on this.

Okay, there's enough to unpack here that I could probably write a few essays in response, but I'm going to try to keep this as concise as I can, so I'll answer the TL;DR as best I can keeping the rest in mind. I do think the two things feed each other to some extent, though I find myself leaning toward thinking his characters are less popular because they're less shippable, and less shippable because of their unconventionality. This might be the cynic in me, but I've been in fandom long enough to know that shipping tends to be a huge motivator for folks, though I'm also sure the fact that Sam's characters tend to have BIG personalities affects if people want to engage with them or not as well.

Like, I have caught myself on many occasions considering how balls to the walls popular Widobrave would have been if Nott wasn't a goblin and therefore very unconventionally attractive (lots of monsterfuckers in the fandom do be fakes, as it turns out), or considering how Veth gets overlooked as a shipping option or even just as a character who is attractive because, well. She's short, she's fat, she's brown, she's loud, and she takes up space. Like, we all know that's the reason even if we don't say it out loud very often. It's why it's easier for people to relegate her as a wife and a mother, heavy emphasis on mother, and not have to engage much deeper with her character and complexities than that, and certainly not her shipping viability (hence the "Veth is Caleb's mom" thing that will never ever go away)

And with FCG, I have seen with my own eyes people say that he's not shippable because he's a robot. Like, I don't think it's a secret that a fair few folk think that way. I find it interesting that when Sam said on 4sd, "Fresh Cut Grass is desperate to do things like be able to taste, be able to smell, be able to feel love, the things that you all can do that I can't" I saw people say in response: "but he CAN feel love. The love of his friends," but I've also not seen a single interpretation that this may be a desire to feel love in a romantic sense on his part. Now, I'm not saying that's what Sam meant--it could be much more general than that, as FCG is still struggling with understanding their personhood and what it even means to feel love at all, platonic or otherwise--but the absence of the interpretation is not, uh, lost on me.

So, I suppose the point to make here is that a huge amount of fandom prioritizes shipping over just about anything else. Sam's characters rarely take the spotlight in shipping situations (though he does do a huge amount of delicious, subtle pining. it's his speciality), with the exception of Quay, who is probably his most conventionally attractive character apart from Tary, who didn't actively get a big romantic plot in VM the way Quay did in Calamity (he got the Sam Riegel classic--quiet pining). So if Sam comes out swinging with these non-traditionally attractive characters, as he basically always does, who tend to make a lot of jokes, because he's Sam, fandom seems to write them off as jokes and/or unattractive and not viable for shipping, therefore less interesting or having less worth engaging with entirely.

And here's the thing--it's not just Sam this is affecting right now, either! Look at Chetney. Chetney is the fucking spiritual successor of Veth Brenatto, like all croaky and horny and hilarious and A LOT. He's also old, which immediately took him out of the shipping pool for a lot of people, and it feeds into the way people think of him as just a joke. like "lmao look there's an OLD guy in the party this time, what a racket." Which is ridiculous, but definitely an opinion you're going to find floating around, both said and unsaid. And I think all you need to do is look at the stark absence of Chetney on AO3, the fact that there are all of 22 Fearne/Chetney fics (a ship that gets seriously played up in canon, just like Pikelan did during VM), and the absence of serious discussion about him to see a correlation between a character being traditionally shippable and one that the fandom deems worthwhile to talk about.

I mean, here's the thing--this is a limited discussion that I'm able to do right now. This could be an entire dissertation and there are complexities I'm not hitting on, I'm absolutely sure of it. But I would generally agree that the more unconventional a character is, particularly one who is unconventionally attractive, the less shippable fandom will view them and then they would be less popular in general, and I think that's something Sam runs aground of often, yeah. Like I said, I'm sure there are complexities I'm not hitting right now, but I do think, generally speaking, this is often true. Even though I think it's really unfortunate that fandom bends so heavily toward prioritizing shipping like that. But, like, they do

[tumbleweedtech]

11, 12, and 22 please! 💜💜

Recommend a fic with an unusual/original headcanon or characterisation that you loved

I'm going to go with this one. Because ... Look, as a parent, I have issues with the way people treat Marion, Veth, Yeza.... and especially Deirta. I cannot stand her being just a monolith of abuse. Essek is perfectly capable of making shitty, selfish choices, and being his evil little twinky self without it being his mother's fault. Sure, sure, he found love (platonic and romantic) and it fixed him, whatever. But Deirta is literally hundreds of years old. She's a religious leader, she has a spouse, and likely had many children. She's 'perfect', for whatever that means in Kryn society. It drives me mad to just have "Deirta is evil and bad" with no depth, no thought to her role in society, and how awful it could be to love, and love and love, in a society that sees death as only another transition to return from in years. Elves dont' measure in days or months - they live hundreds of years/!? So yeah, this is one of a few fics that I really, really enjoyed. Maybe I should write Deirta sometime.

Recommend some fanart of an uncommon character, place, or event

You know I always like to hype our cake shop friends. Cylin's orym hime, piranya's ashton, etc etc. But none of those feel rare enough for an ask from you? They're campaign favourites, even if they're rare-r. Plus, you've seen them. So I'll give you an npc i really like by someone who isn't afraid to commit to scarring. @zmeess did an absolutely stunning Astrid Becke.

Give kudos to someone who deserves recognition for their contributions to the fandom (event mod, server mod, creator of rec lists, etc.)

I'm going to give you three. @lookoutrogue, as an event mod and server mod. The witcher fandom has absolutely no idea how much they owe this quiet account. Also, @hungarianbee and @thirstyforred together get noted for the sheer amount of lore, knowledge, and support they offer. The witcher fandom as a whole would be the lesser without them.

And of course, @continentcakeshop as a whole. Everyone in there makes an effort to encourage each other, to share in joy and pain and words and art. To be silly together, to support each other when sad. It hasn't been only a fandom server in a bit, so I'm kind of cheating. But otherwise I'd have to list everyone, for their support, their stories, their pictures, their kindnesses, their understanding. It's just a wonderful group of people that span a wide range of fandoms, but we just really like hanging out together.

[blazingstar24]

As someone else who very much loves Essek, it is wild to me that people will call Liliana irredeemable when she is literally in the same position as him if the M9 didn’t find him. The clear bias that is shown when discussing these two.

Both were Ludinus’s groomed student/mentee, but Liliana gets “well she should have known better” and Essek gets coddled by fanon going “oh he was just a poor baby boy who didn’t know the true evils of this man, he just wanted to research🥺” Like it’s completely fine to write a fic about that idea but canoncially Essek fully well knew what he was doing when he collaborated with the Assembly. He willingly plunged two nations into war because at least he would get research out of it. And even if he was just a poor boy….so was Liliana. Why does she have to know better but Essek is given a pat on the head and sympathy?

Essek’s redemption wasn’t the M9 saving this poor uwu elven twink boy from his evil teachers. It was Essek putting faces to the people his actions were hurting and feeling guilty. Because as much as I love Essek, let’s be real, if the M9 did not befriend him, he would have still continued working with Ludinus if it benefited him. Essek didn’t care about the nameless people the war hurt as along as what he cared about was safe, which was him and probably Verin.

And in an ironic sense this is how the fandom treats his actions as well. We have no names to put to Essek’s crimes. Except Yeza which is glossed over. But since the fandom doesn’t have a specific person they can say Essek wronged, it’s suddenly fine to brush aside the countless people who died fighting a staged war. Despite the fact that one of the lesson we were supposed to take away from Essek’s redemption is that it is wrong to begin to see people as nameless entities that can be discarded over personal gain. The parallel we were supposed to acknowledge between Volstrucker Caleb and Essek was that both had become numb to the killing for power and gain, until both woke up once the people they were hurting had a face and names they recognized. We cannot do the same as them. If we are comparing the two, we must treat the nameless victims of Essek’s actions on the same level we do of Lilliana with Will and Derrig. Why should they have any lesser weight because we do not know them?

It’s also very clear in the bias of these two characters when you see that the fandom at large has never asked for Essek to pay for his crimes and actions. But the same fandom refuses to let Liliana get this same grace, that no she must pay for her involvement with the Vanguard. So which is it? Why does Essek get to abscond from “justice” and Liliana does not? Why are we fine with Essek getting a happy ending and Liliana must die or be thrown in jail? Do I want Essek to pay for his crimes? No. But then if I turned around and went but Liliana must, that would make me a hypocrite.

What all of this truly boils down to is that fandoms at large have a problem with redemption and redemption arcs. Redemption isn’t something that is deserved, it’s something that you do. Whether or not you believe Essek or Liliana redeemed themselves does not matter. Hell there are people who don’t think Essek is redeemed. And good! Because redemption is not a one time act, it is not a pardon from a king. It is something one has to continually do over and over. To be better than you were before. Not to bring the other huge diskhorse of ATLA into this but it is the same concept. Iroh gets a free pass from answering from his war crimes. But it is not solely because he was well liked by the fandom, it is because he actively tries to be better, to not be the Dragon of the West. So back to CR, to say Liliana is irredeemable is just plain wrong.

Anyone can be redeemed. It is a matter of if they put in the effort. If she buckles down, this doesn’t make her any less redeemable. Because like Fearne said, it is never too late to walk away. Even if just for one moment, Liliana does something good, something that tries to be better than what she was, it proves that redemption and changing is always possible

all this talk about liliana being iredeemable has got me thinking about how fandom instantly forgave essek for all he did

the way i got this ask right as i was talking to my friend about almost this exact topic (is that you, kea, or are we all just thinking it)

heres the thing, i get how someone at a superficial level could justify seperating essek from others like himself; hes had among the most screentime. but, and i say this as someone who adores essek, that's.... really the only true leg up he has on others manipulated by ludinus/others against the gods, and it's very easy to notice the discrepancy. i genuinely do not think his story is somehow more valid or compelling than any other in similar shoes; most of them have an extremely close connection to a main character or are one, and they all had or have a chance at hope, to me. i once saw a post that snarked at anyone who would dare to say essek was priveleged and that that's why folk liked him, but, in a way he is: he's a rich man who looks it and is defined in his first moments by his handsomeness. during campaign 2 people wanted astrid gone and assumed she was as villainous as trent when she was essek's exact mirror but on the empire side, just a woman, and "in the way" of shadowgast. when liliana (woman, technically disabled, implied lower class), bor'dor (extremely lower class, man of color), deanna (black woman), frida (played by a man of color, of an oppressed class), & even, i will assume in the future, devexian (ultimate representative of a lower worker class oppressed people), have extremely similar stories or frankly far more valid reasons to be cautious about a god than essek, they're seen as entirely villainous with no possible redeeming quality or point, and are treated with immense scorn. meanwhile when essek starts a war by ensuring his culture's religion cannot be whole, he can easily be accepted by the fanbase, who even lambast the dynasty for daring to have a religion; thus, by their own logic, they are fully agreeing with ludinus (i am well aware of the intricacies of how the dynasty fucks up but, put this into the broader context here compared to how vasselheim is treated).

which is another reason im excited for the aeor arc; it is easy to assume essek will be there, and it will be interesting to see how his extremely blunt, delightedly-smug distaste for godhood (especially the luxon, which, didnt kill aeor like the pantheon did and is innocent in that) is framed in c3's context, and how fans respond to that. will it be entirely glossed over as people seemed to gloss over keyleth's distaste for them? will it be excused because it's cute when a man they see as a twink does it?

[callioope]

I just want to acknowledge that Essek’s actions did affect Veth personally. 

(1) Yeza was helping study one of the beacons that Essek stole. In other words, he was participating in the research that Ludinus was supposed to be sharing with Essek as part of their deal.

(2) Yeza’s involvement in studying the beacons caused the Dynasty’s attack on Felderwin, endangering the life of Veth’s son and resulting in Yeza’s capture.

(2a) We can’t say for certain how much Essek knew about this attack. However, it is possible that he could have helped plan it. He may have even tipped Ludinus off to move the beacon; if that is the case, he may have even known that the beacon would not be there but allowed the attack to happen anyway. But all of this is speculation. Even if Essek knew nothing of the attack, it wouldn’t have happened if he hadn’t stolen the beacons in the first place.

(3) Yeza was kidnapped because of his involvement with the beacons. And this was how he was treated:

They dragged me through all these terrible places, chained to like a giant nightmare, this worm thing

And this isn’t even the worst part.

(4) Yeza is imprisoned and likely tortured in the Dungeon of Penance

This is how the Mighty Nein find Yeza: 

MATT: The cell is about 20 feet deep, ten feet wide. Aside from the bars towards the very front, the chamber is solid iron. The floor is stone, very hardy stone, and elements of the floor have scattered bits of soft-dried grasses. There appears to be a bedroll that is tossed in the corner and a pot. You see, off in the corner, knees to the chest, looking forward, spooked, a halfling man, curly, matted brown hair, gaunt, pale, bags under his eyes. Wearing a basic cloth tunic that looks somewhat torn in one sleeve. Remnants of a vest. Actually looks partially eaten. Slacks that appear to be scraped and torn in places, but he's just knees clutched to the chest.

[...]

TRAVIS: Are you fucking serious?! He's been eating his shirt!

LIAM: This is fucking Alcatraz!

Later, Yeza describes what happened to him:

they brought me here and they just watched me from the shadows, asking me questions about experiments and starving me. But I didn't say anything, I didn't say anything because I knew you were coming and I didn't want anything to happen to Luc and I didn't tell them anything. That's it.

And Esesk acknowledges:

Very well. It seems that not all forms of interrogation are effective, but alternate means can be. The prisoner is free to go. He is your charge now.

While we can’t say for certain how directly involved Essek was with Yeza’s capture, imprisonment, and torture, Essek is aware of Yeza’s presence and the progress of his interrogation (or rather lack thereof). He lets Yeza go because he admits everything to Veth, which Essek overhears. 

What intel would the Dynasty hope to gain out of Yeza? Probably ‘how did you get the beacon’ and ‘where is it now’, questions that Essek already knows the answer to and yet here he is, imprisoning Yeza, starving him, knowing the whole time how unnecessary this is. 

Of course, Essek will want different intel from Yeza: the results of his experimentation, either to supplement or corroborate what meager information Ludinus has provided. 

Best case scenario, Essek had no direct oversight of the attack on Felderwin and supervised the Dungeon of Penance jailers responsible for Yeza’s interrogation. Worst case scenario, Essek knew the beacon had been in Felderwin but no longer was, allowed or even supervised the attack on Felderwin, knew who Yeza was and provided the intel for Kryn soldiers to locate and kidnap him, and interrogated him personally. I think it’s most likely somewhere in between those options, but the point is, Essek is very directly responsible for the treatment of Veth’s husband and the endangerment of Veth’s son. 

Quotes are from Critical Role Campaign 2, Episode 57: In Love and War. 

[all-thestories-aretrue]

I am having more Caleb and Nott feelings unsurprisingly. This time specifically about the conversation at the end of 76 and then then in 83 or 84 when Nott is talking to Halas.

I haven't seen anyone else talk about these moments, so I am definitely interested in hearing others' thoughts! Please share!!

This got really long so I'm putting it under a cut.

So, 76. Nott's "are we really going to have this conversation" had me worried she was going to get defensive and close up, but she was really honest. I admire her for standing up to Caleb, especially, and saying you don't understand why I'm drinking. You don't understand how I'm feeling. You don't understand how scary it is, how it helps me, why I drink. To his credit, Caleb shut up and listened to her, which I really appreciated.

I've briefly talked about this before, but I think it is particularly relevent here in this conversation and sheds light on how deep these issues are. Nott puts a lot of pressure on herself. Originally, I put this in the context of choosing between her domestic life back with Yeza and Luc and her adventuring life with Caleb and the Nein. But now we see Nott admitting how protective she feels of the nein, how she believes it is her responsibility to keep them all safe, to be there for all of them.

Now, I don't think that choosing between her two lives would really make a difference. It was just half the story. Nott feels an intense pressure to be what people want her to be (a wife, a mother, a protector, an adventurer). Whether she stays or goes won't make a difference. She is still going to feel that way because it's inside of her. But, I don't think she really gets that and ends up projecting it onto decisions like to stay or go, to drink or not to drink, all of these other external factors.

I think if Nott let go of some of this pressure on herself, she wouldn't feel so obligated to choose between her two lives and her two loves. She's limiting herself so much by thinking about what everyone else wants from her. Just because she can't run from herself doesn't mean she can't change.

My issue came up when Caleb started talking which I feel like this is when most issues happen in his relationships bad joke sorry. I got incredibly frustrated with him when he started referring to the group as a whole rather than himself. On one hand, I get it, the group is important. BUT Nott just poured her heart out to him and he doesn't reciprocate! He starts going on about weak links and how its important for the group etc etc, which is fine. But, it feels like a) he's using them as a shield so he doesn't have to he as honest, and b) it feels manipulative! It feels like that cold, calculating Caleb thats trying to leverage the best outcome. And Nott deserves better than that! She deserves his honesty, especially in a moment like that.

I think I found it especially frustrating because he can talk her up to the moon and back, tell her he's proud of her which he did in that conversation! But when it comes to more than that, he can't or won't do it. And it's so frustrating to watch!!

It's clear Nott doesn't think she's "worthy" for lack of a better term or Caleb. She constantly says "I hope I can make you proud." Caleb responds, you already do. But Nott doesn't feel it, and I think Caleb had a real chance to make a difference there for her!

And none of this is to mention this ENTIRE conversation happened while Nott was invisible. Caleb "I wish I could see you" and Nott's response "yeah, i don't". Nott thinks she can only be honest when she can't be seen. She doesn't want Caleb to look at her, to see what she sees in that moment. And it's heartbreaking and further proof she doesn't feel she is worthy of him (in whatever capacity you want to take that).

And that brings us to Nott and Halas and Caleb and the Nein's reaction to that.

I was also really frustrated with the way the Nein, particularly Caleb, treated Nott when she was conversing with Halas. Like, I get Halas is a bad guy, I think Nott knows it too. But she's desperate. Absolutely desperate to change back. And Sam said in a recent talks that if someone more powerful came along, Nott would go for it. And guess what happened! I don't know if the Nein don't get exactly how desperate is or what, but there was so little compassion and empathy in the way she was treated. Even Caleb wasn't very considerate of her feelings in that moment. I get he's scared, but he wasn't nice about it. And then afterward, Liam even used the word placate when showing her the book he took. Placate! Maybe it was a bad choice of words, but the connotation is still there. Nott doesn't need placated, she needs action and results and tangible steps forward. Halas was promising her that! Why wouldn't she go for him. Even the way they convinced her not to let him out or whatever, felt cheap to me I guess. Or unfulfilling at the very least. I think it was more of a Sam decision than Nott which is fine. I was just frustrated that no one seemed to get why Nott was acting the way she was and no one checked in after her besides sort of Caleb.

I guess I'm just having a lot of Nott feelings lately and I needed to put them all somewhere. I also feel like my opinion of fan favorite Caleb may not be a popular one here which is fine! I've just never seen anyone talk about these moments, so I wanted to put my two cents in on the matter.

I'm super interested in hearing what others think about these two instances! Particularly if you were around when it was airing. What was the common view at the time? Please give me your thoughts!!!

[thought-about-it]

FJETH

I just need to write this down, because I’m currently obsessing over this maybe-not-so-crack ship for some reason. And even though I say I love this ship, there’s still a caveat to it. When they first meet, Nott constantly makes fun of Fjords accent (which I’m sure is more Sam than Nott) but it is easy to work that into canon as if Nott is making fun of his regional Wildemount dialect by poking fun at perceived stereotypes. She then tries to steal the Soltryce Academy letter from Fjord, thinking that Caleb deserves it more, which shows she doesn’t respect Fjord at all when she knows his goal is to attend that Academy.  Fjord initially treats Nott as a misguided child (thinking Caleb is the protector in their relationship) and also doesn’t seem to understand “how Nott works at a base level”. (Sam’s words, Talks Machina: Discussing Campaign 2 So Far) Maybe because she is the first monster-kind he’s ever had meaningful interaction with? He tries to get Nott to go underwater (and somewhat endangers her life) with the promise of buttons, condescendingly, which Nott does call him out on, but Fjord continues the Buttonbeard farce throughout their underwater adventures.

Throughout the campaign, even though they have both worked together and protected each other during combat, both of them still constantly pick at each other, their intentions to annoy each other, but sometimes they end up genuinely hurting each other’s feelings with their words. I can’t remember when exactly, but Nott starts making fun of Fjord’s weak frame (a sensitive subject because of his low self-esteem), and when Fjord said that Nott looked better with seaweed in her mouth (it makes sense in context, ep 44) she visibly wilts at that, agreeing that his words are true. I’d like to mention that Nott also pranks Fjord into thinking he’s killed her at one point, which (in-character) Fjord becomes very panicked and dismayed. (ep 55 “take my spurs, but not my goblin girl”)

Later, after Fjord learns that Nott died by drowning and is actually a halfling reincarnated as a goblin, he goes to properly apologize to her about his actions during their time at sea. which she accepts graciously, saying that he couldn’t have known since she’s kept her past close to heart. They also bond through their mutual shared experiences (of drowning) which Nott didn’t really seem to register as his trauma also until now. After this point, Fjord is much nicer towards Nott, but she does continue to make fun of his fears (“3 kobolds in a cloak”  Ep 53, Madame Musk) and his strength (Ep 57,  his rubber wrists). Though that, In context, was when she was nervous about meeting her husband again and Fjord prevented her from getting drunk, so she might have been purposefully spiteful for that reason (not to excuse her or anything.).

Alright, so I this point, I’ll mention my caveat. I’m personally a big stickler in trying to keep to canon as close as possible even when I’m shipping crack ships. I like Yeza. I think Yeza and Nott are cute. Nott’s whole motivation for her character development was to reunite with her husband and son again, so that’s not something I can ignore in my headcanon. I also have large disdain for homewrecker situations, so at this point, at most I can say is that I think it’s possible that Fjord has a small crush on Nott, which Nott may or may not acknowledge but also she’d never act on it even if it were mutual. But if not for the circumstances, I basically ship one-sided angsty Fjord (he starts looking at her differently when he learns of her past), with eventual mutual attraction from both sides (sometime in the future, I dunno, I’m only up to Ep 65).

 It really doesn’t help though, during Episode 57′s break  (so I don’t consider it canon at all), the table acknowledges the belligerent sexual tension between Fjord and Nott. (Laura tells them they haven’t tried to bone yet, Sams says they’ve tried a lot, but, uh, they don’t physically fit together.) There’s many more fun interactions between them, but I wanted to point out these few moments of  emotional shift between them. These two just have everything I like to see in a enemies-to-friends(-to-lovers?) dynamic, starting off with mutual disrespect, constant bickering and teasing due to different viewpoints, realizing shared traumas  (both of them are uncomfortable with their “monster” bodies, both of them have drowned before), and finally becoming more understanding of each other and caring about each other’s personal problems..

Some honorable mentions:

- Fjord teleports an unconscious Nott to safety? (Am I remembering that correctly?)

- Fjord has taken away her flask to prevent her from drinking too much, which might be a sign of caring about her.

- Nott gives Fjord an acid potion for protection when he’s about to see Avantika, and she says they’ll stay up until he comes back to make sure he’s safe. (Not sure if she actually stays up, since Fjord sneaks back to his bed)

- Fjord asks indignantly if Nott is flirting with a Minotaur.

- “the greens stick together: “drowning victims [stick together]“

- Nott dives in between Fjord and a large snapping tortoise, trying to protect him with her tiny body. Anyway this is actually my letter of apology for all future Fjeth drawings.

[songofwizardry]

after everything is done, the mighty nein stay with each other.

not all the time, of course—but they have Sending spells, and letters, and at one point Essek gets hold of an extra sending stone, but still. they stay together.

Caduceus visits them all, one by one. makes the long journey down to Nicodranas, and meets Jester and Fjord and Kingsley on the beach. he brings dried fruits from his garden. they picnic in the shade of the Wildmother's lighthouse. he finds work to do wherever he wanders—there are hundreds of people, dozens of towns, in need of a healer, or someone to help with a farm, or someone to listen to them through their grief. the Wildmother occasionally guides him, the winds urging head East, or, find this gnome in this town. usually, though, he lets his feet guide him.

Fjord and Jester make their way up, down, the Menagerie Coast. after so long in the Empire and the Dynasty, they both find they've missed the coast they grew up on. Fjord picks up new crew, sometimes—young people looking for work on the docks, older ones who give obviously-fake names and don't answer questions. he pays them fairly, and teaches them the ropes, and treats them with kindness as someone once treated him with kindness, and lets the salt water and sea-air do their work. Jester finally sees Port Damali, and Feolinn, and Port Zoon, and they are lovely, even if she still thinks Nicodranas is the best. she leaves dicks in temples and on street corners, and once or twice, she sees a green-cloaked figure admiring her work. she sends messages every day, working her way through their family—just updates, about the dragon turtle they just saw, or how Kingsley is trying his hand at painting, or about the new crew members they've picked up.

the two of them find trinkets wherever they go. it starts off as a joke, Fjord saying, oh, we should definitely buy that box of buttons for Veth, I can tell her we found Buttonbeard. but then they keep going—a book of Lucidian folk-tales for Caleb, a strange pepper plant for Caduceus, an ocean-blue set of fighters' gloves for Beau. wherever they go, they find something that reminds them of their family, and they bring it back.

an expositor's work is never done, so Beau ends up back in Rexxentrum or Zadash at least once a year, often more (and maybe she goes back more often than she strictly needs to, but nobody needs to know that). she sees the house Caleb's found, a small place, not on the academy grounds, but close enough. she stays a few nights, and watches Caleb light the stove with a snap of steady fingers, and is introduced to a loud, demanding black cat, who doesn't have Frumpkin's infinite patience for their bullshit.

the seeds Caduceus gave her serve Yasha well. she goes back to the Blooming Grove in the spring, spends time with the Clays. learns more about the earth. gets more seeds. she and Caduceus spend time together, walking the grounds, tending the plants, tilling, and they don't say much.

when Marion goes back to Nicodranas, they all visit. Jester stays for the longest time, bouncing between spending time with her mother and teaching Luc prank ideas catching up with the Brenattos, but eventually, all of the Nein end up there. they take over several rooms of the Chateau, and stay up far too late (and let Luc stay up far too late with them), swapping stories and sharing drinks: Is Vandran re-reading Tusk Love again? You need to introduce him to more literature! and Wait, so when you say you and Essek were stuck in a snowstorm without the tower, that to-tally means you had to cuddle for warmth, right? and Did you actually just... walk to Uthodurn, Caduceus?

they don't let Essek disappear for long. sure, he does eventually drop off the face of Exandria, researching this or that, at one point sneaking back into the Dynasty to see his brother, but he always shows up again. Jester sends him messages. he and Caleb keep up a continuous stream of letters, eventually finding magical means to get them to each other faster. and with Teleportation spells, he's always visiting—a week in Rexxentrum, heavily disguised; almost a month with Caduceus, using his rose-patterned gardening gloves; a brief stint in Nicodranas, helping out at the Brenatto Alchemists. (a few years after Aeor, he spends more time in Rexxentrum. stays a month. then two. then six. then a year. eventually, he and Caleb get a second cat. and he cannot stay forever, but he still stays.)

for the first time in his life, Caleb has time. and so he takes it. slowly, he walks the streets of Rexxentrum, learning to love it again (he's not sure if he ever really stopped loving it). he works, slowly, with Beauregard—it might take their whole lives to dismantle the mess of power and abuse that the Assembly is; it will probably take even longer. but he keeps at it anyway. he goes back and forth between the Academy and the Soul; when Beau combs through questionable documents, Caleb asks questions; when the mages of the Academy and Assembly hold meetings, Caleb goes to them and keeps his eyes on the Martinet.

he starts teaching. he's not sure about it, at first—the Academy hurt, not just him, but so many others. but with Trent gone, he thinks—there can be a change. and he wants to feel the joy of new magic again, to watch new eyes come alight with it, he wants to show people how it can be used to help, and heal, and love, instead of hurt. so he starts teaching. it's joyous, and energising, and exhausting, and he watches his students – his students – all the while, for the slightest hint that they are being hurt, or forced, or coerced, or trained into something they don't want to be. he watches them grow, and learn. he pushes the envelope of treason, just a bit, talks of magic and wonder beyond the empire and its structures. and with every group, he teaches them the spell find familiar.

the Brenattos open up a new apothecary in Nicodranas. it's bigger, and brighter, and busier than the one in Felderwin—they get more herbs and more customers here, and with both Yeza and Veth in the lab, they're soon coming up with new concoctions, experimenting together. when Veth gets the itch in her bones (and she does, numerous times), she tracks down one of the nein, and wanders with them for a bit—visiting Rumblecusp with Beau and Yasha, a trip investigating Halas' halls with Caleb, a few weeks on the Lucidian ocean. she never stays long, and she always comes home. she hasn't broken that promise yet.

Luc grows up on the coast, and learns to swim. sometimes, she joins him.

when they get a house, she and Yeza – by unspoken agreement – find a place with two extra rooms, a sitting room large enough for several people to fit on the floor, and a garden. Yeza's food is almost as good as Caduceus', so it's no surprised that the nein come and visit, often. Yasha helps them grow beds of flowers in the garden. Jester and Fjord bring all manner of strange mementoes from the oceans. when the academy is closed, Caleb stays for months on end, helping her teach the teenagers of Nicodranas basic cantrips and how to pick locks during the day (we are unleashing a menace, he warns her, but he's smiling), and reading to Luc in the evenings.

they gather, together, in her house, too. sometimes for a special occasion (she and Yeza renew their vows in the garden), but often, for no reason at all. just to be together. there is space for all nine of them—she made sure of that. they talk, and laugh, and fall asleep in a chaotic pile in the Brenatto's living room.

in a few days, they will embrace, and separate, and head back to whatever they've been doing. but they will come back together, eventually.

after everything, the mighty nein stay together.

[peach-the-owl]

THE MIGHTY NEIN GOING TRICK OR TREATING WITH THEIR KIDS AND MAYHEM OCCURS WHICH IS TOTALLY NOT THEIR FAULT! PFFFF!

Chaos? With the Mighty Nein? Never…

Tirck or Treat

Child of the Nein (Mighty Nein & Child Reader)

This is set post-campaign so… semi-spoilers?

Jester

If there was one thing you loved about this holiday, besides the free candy, it was the different pranks you could pull off. Grab some eggs and lay waste to an annoying nobleman's house, or better yet dress up or disguise yourself and scare the living daylights out of others. That is exactly what you set out to do, you and Jester easily using some paint to write messages on walls and simply causing chaos around Nicodranas. Fjord tried to keep you in check but it was pretty obvious there would be no stopping the two of you, especially when you gave him a near heart attack jumping out from around the corner looking like a ghost. The evening was well spent, playing keep away from those you pranked as well as guards, and if you were careful enough not to get caught you were still able to go around a get free candy, easily being spoiled by your grandparent at the Lavish Chateau. Finally when the day came to an end you would spend the night going through all your goodies at either the Lavish Chateau or aboard the Nein Heroz, all while recalling your actions to your favourite archfey/god who was sipping away at the drink in his hand and munching on some of his own "free" candy while listening amused by your tales.

Veth

A night where you could go out dressed up as whoever or whatever you wanted, demand for free stuff and then get said stuff without question? Sign you up this instant! No longer having to worry about things like the end of the world and just getting to spend time with your new family was also a bonus. You and Luc eager to go out and collect as many treats as possible, unfortunately you had to wait until Veth and Yeza were ready to take you both but once you were out and about there was no stopping you. The thing is, unlike Veth you had been a goblin from birth, so a lot of those traits still stuck with you after your transformation, including an itching of greed. Luckily for you, you now had a new partner in crime in your brother, the two of you sneaking away from your parents to… indulge in more of the festivities, and by indulge of course we mean the two of you managed to steal candy from other children. You two may have also broke into someone’s house because you heard they had giant cookies and wanted them all for yourselves, no big deal or anything. To say your parents were worried is an understatement, they were freaking out when they realized the two of you snuck off on your own. To make a long story short, when you were finally located it was by the town guard, you and Luc held the biggest and proudest smiles on your faces as the guards dangled you both in front of your parents. Veth was admittedly impressed but you were both still grounded for a week. Best night of your life.

Caleb

One part of you wanted to use Polymorph to have the best "costume" the other part knew doing so would give you the intelligence of the animal you’d change into, but that still wasn’t going to stop you from trying. Caleb was in a near panic trying to dispel the wolf form you had decided to turn yourself into, but you were being extra slippery from his grasp, your mind in that state thinking he wanted to play a game of chase. Two more familiar faces appeared during your little chase, Astrid and Eodwulf trying to corner you so they could also attempt to dispel your polymorph, again try is the keyword here as you manage to find an escape route before they’re close enough to stop you. People were backing out of your way as you dart around the streets, your original objective having been completely lost to you by now. The town guard were called which only put Caleb farther into a panic (my goodness you wild child, how dare you make your father worry so much) now needing to get to you before they did. You finally skidded to a stop in front of an elven man who looked familiar yet didn’t all at once, a simple wave of his hand and your back to being yourself again with a dark blush of embarrassment. Caleb was beyond relieved to see you were okay, being calmed by a disguised Essek, he still had to tell you off for your irresponsibility with your magic. You also weren’t allowed to use spells without supervision for a good while, stating that you weren’t adventuring anymore so things would be a little different now. You sigh in defeat, knowing he was right, although on the plus side since no one really knew you were the culprit you were still allowed to go around and collect your candy under the watchful eye of the adults, this time no Polymorph for you.

Caduceus

Living in the grove you didn’t go out much to celebrate these little traditions, and there was nothing wrong with that, after all a graveyard could provide all the spooky happenings one would expect this time of year. Caduceus did make some baked goods for you as well, hearing from Jester a bit about the traditions she adored so much, not wanting you to be completely left out. You and Clarabelle were playing around, you using your Wildshape abilities for added entertainment as she'd try to catch you while being a squirrel or small bird, when you were both called back to the temple. Being greeted by your grandparents telling you Caduceus had something waiting for you, heading over you greet him in a hug before marvelling at the plate of sweets meant for you. Being the kind soul you are you happily shared some with the family, but still kept a good amount for yourself. It was a calm and pleasant evening, a warm wind blowing by like a comforting hug as the day came to a close.

Fjord

You were excited, Fjord was reluctant. He wanted you to enjoy yourself but as we all know he isn’t the biggest fan of spooky things. Still he’d tough it out for you, besides it probably wasn’t so bad and you had Jester to accompany you as well, making for some extra fun. A tiefling, half-orc and half-elven child walking the streets, you three sounded like the start to a bad joke, course this "joke" took a wild turn when some random kid thought it’d be funny to try and scare you and some of the other kids. The last thing they were expecting was your fast reflexes in the fight or flight response, you easily choosing fight and ending up holding your weapon at the kids neck. They ran off in tears, calling for their mama and dada while you now had a crowd of other kids awing at your talent. Things calmed a little afterwards but of course that kid had to come waltzing back, and of course they just so happened to also be the head of the guards kid. Lets just say it ended up being a mad dash back to the boat to avoid any heat on your tails for a while, at least you had fun and you still had your candy.

Beau

You were a little torn on what to do, on one hand you could go out and get your free candy, on the other you could stay back and help sniff out any traitors or corruption. You choose candy, unfortunately Beau couldn’t come because she was knee deep in paperwork making you slightly rethink your choice, however fortunately you still had Yasha who was willing to go out with you. After getting ready and some extra reassurance from Beau that she was fine and wanted her two favourite people to enjoy themselves, you were off. It started off normal and fine but somehow, by one means or another, gathering candy turned into betting to see who could beat you in a fight and win the jackpot of sweets (some kids got cocky and you put them in their place real fast). One would wonder where the parents are in this situation, and while some mothers and fathers were opposed, ushering their kids away, others were surprisingly on board with this. After all you weren’t being lethal, a bloody nose at worst, the way to win was to pin someone down for 10 seconds. It was going great, until the guard had to get involved and break the whole thing up, those worried parents earlier being such killjoys. You came home on Yasha’s shoulder with a bruised eye, bags of candy, a proud smile and a story Beau found to be very entertaining.

Yasha

To be completely honest, this was more so Beau’s idea. Although what she'd all told you about this little tradition did seem interesting to you, why not give it a shot. Having some free time the three of you set off to the streets, Beau telling you all the ins and outs of what people would do for the holiday. A lot of it didn't make much sense to you but others seemed to enjoy it and it was kinda fun getting all dressed up in a costume. You being an Assimar we’re able to add a bit of an extra wow factor you yourself with your special ability, shocking some and scaring others with your appearance when you did. Of course with your natural ability came some slight property damage to the streets, but at least you put on a cool show before having to flee from any angered guards or civilians. You spent the rest of the evening back home in the garden with Yasha while Beau got back to work, the two of you happily tending to the different plants and maybe snacking on a few of the bugs you managed to catch.

Molly

A free chance to scare people, plus free candy!? You'd have to be crazy to think the two of you wouldn’t relish in this tradition, sometimes going a little over the top. Who could blame you though, put you both together in the right situation and it’s bound to turn into show of sorts. One of your favourite things to do was tell the other kids scary tales, by the end of which Molly would pop out scaring them all, you both laughing and savouring in the stacks of candy the others would leave behind in their panic. You’d happily indulge in as much candy as you could before having to make a run for it to avoid any angry parents coming after you. Rinse and repeat in a different area of the city and soon enough you're off, hiding out at Beau and Yasha's place for cover, easily sharing your large bounty of candy with them while telling each other scary stories. All in all it was good, and no one got arrested this time.

Alternative:

Kingsley

It was kinda hilarious how you had to teach him about this tradition… again, he was fascinated by the idea of course and agreed to go along with you, though it really wouldn’t have taken much convincing anyways. You kept it pretty simple, and by simple we of course mean you dressed up multiple different times to get as much candy and sweets and possible from the same houses. Kingsley very much taking a liking to the scaring aspect of the holiday, maybe too big of a liking, using his naturally intimidating looks to really rile up people. It started with the ship crew, the two of you getting a great laugh when you made Fjord nearly jump overboard, Jester chuckling in the background. Unfortunately, one wrong step and he was suddenly in the hands of the guards, so of course you put on your little childish charms, with some bardic magic for extra help and talked them into letting him out. You laugh as the two of you exit the jail when he comments how he doesn’t regret a thing and would absolutely do it again.

[saphirered]

Hi welcome back! Hope you’re doing well. Random question b4 my request, bc I want to give back as thanks for the great writing: are you a coffee, tea, or hot chocolate/cocoa drinker? I prefer hot chocolate and sweet tea.

How would the m9 respond to an SO/friend with a kid? Where the reader is a single parent with a child of at most 10 years old. Thanks :)

- 🐋

This took a while to write so sorry for that 😅. I'm so glad you like my writing! I love writing for you lot. I'm definitely a hot cocoa person. I hope this one turned out to your liking 😘.

----------

Caleb:

You never hid the fact you had a child from Caleb, if anything you’re proud of them. Though, you do know in certain company it’s better to keep that fact a secret for safety reasons. Caleb understands that fully he respects and admires you always put your child’s best interests first.

This is why when you began getting more involved with Caleb you kept your child out of it and took a good amount of time before introducing them to the wizard. You didn’t want to set expectations for both sides and wanted to protect and preserve them both should what you and Caleb had going not work out after all.

It’s no surprise Caleb is good with children. He takes a gentle approach when it comes to all things good in this world to the point of almost being afraid to ‘ruin it’. You assured him many times he was in the clear and how could his heart not warm at the curiosity and search for knowledge your child was already displaying.

With your permission Caleb began teaching your child some things here and there. The theoretics of magic and eventually simple spells. The smile it brought to their faces while they worked couldn’t make you happier. Caleb definitely earned your child’s approval to stick around.

Beau:

At first Beau is surprised. She knows children come from somewhere of course. She’s not stupid but actually tying a child to their parent let alone being very close to that parent is a whole new story. Especially learning you raised your child on your own and seeing you want to provide what’s best for them definitely earns you her respect, not having a parent with the same motivation herself and all.

The day of introductions came along and as expected Beau is the most awkward, trying not to be a terrible influence and be on her best behaviour, makes her very much on edge. An perceptive child picking up on this awkward behaviour calling her out leaving her cursing like a sailor, then apologising for said curses, even less of a surprise. You had to assure her many times it was fine.

Beau makes a promise that no matter what, she’ll make sure you’ll be returning to your child and make sure they get the love and support they deserve. Growing up without loving parents is one thing. Growing up an orphan another. She’d do everything in her power to keep you safe.

It may have began with joking comments such as ‘finish your homework’ to ‘do the dishes’ and ‘be nice to your parent while I’m gone’ but it didn’t take long before Beau was helping them with their homework or cleaning dishes after you cooked.

Absolutely treats your child as someone capable of making decisions of their own and speaking for themselves. No baby voices or cooing like too many adults tend to do even to a child regardless of their age. Your child has thoughts and opinions of their own and for the love of all that is sacred, can speak for themselves. You’re glad Beau treats them with a sense of maturity.

Fjord:

Fjord may have done what can only be referred to as a spit take the moment you said you had a child. Clearly didn’t expect it but giving him time to recover and process he’d ask all sorts of questions. What are they like? What do they like? And of course the dreaded question about your partner.

Supportive Fjord for the win. After finding out you’re on your own he’d always have your back, checking in with you and making sure you’re doing alright amidst the stress of the world and raising a child in the mix of it all. He’d open up to you about his past and being raised without any kind of proper parental figure. What he wouldn’t have done to have someone like you around when it counted for him.

Introducing them went rather smoothly. Fjord is surprisingly good with children. While some might find him intimidating, he nearly melted when your child embraced him as a thank you for looking out for you. Fjord was happy to answer any and all questions your child asked.

Whenever you’d be swept away for a while having to leave your child in the care of your trusted ones, Fjord would tell your child to ‘have the wheel, sailor’ which they would return with a salute before biding you both goodbye. Fjord slowly transcended into a bit of a father role and none of you minded in the least. You were happy.

Veth:

When she spoke of her boy she left behind you pitied her. A child shouldn’t be without their family. They deserved to be loved and sheltered from the darkness of the world until they are ready. When you told her you had one of your own Veth really felt safe to confide in you with her worries and troubles. You bonded over it really, drowning out all the sad stories and struggles with fond memories of both your families. Sadly for you, that would only extend to you and your child, the memories of their other parent perhaps somewhat painful to share.

You wondered what it would be like if your children ever got to meet in person. Then the day came. Nicodranas really had a way of bringing families together didn’t it? First time may have been a bit strange, your child being fully aware of Veth’s need for a disguise with her son, played their part well. Both you and Veth may have wiped away some tears when Luc claimed your child their big sibling from now on, and you his third parent.

Work and life are a difficult combination for Veth. She wants nothing more than to be with Yeza and take care of her boy but as long as the world’s in peril and her other family needs her just as much if not more, she’ll have to leave them behind. Knowing that you and your child are with her husband and son when she can’t be eases her mind a lot and she’s forever grateful.

It goes unsaid that Veth’s time away from children and in the presence of adults, specifically the Mighty Nein may have left her a bit out of the routines of raising a child as shown by giving Luc and your child fireworks, promising them to teach them how to shoot a crossbow and more. You did have to hold her back a little with the help of Yeza and keep things a bit more contained for their safety, but mostly yours.

Jester:

Of course upon learning you’re raising your child all by yourself Jester goes onto a rant about how her and her mom were always alone and how Marion used to read stories to her and do you read stories to your child and do you sing to them and draw with them and give them hugs and cuddles after nightmares and… You have no idea how that girl doesn’t run out of breath.

Jester couldn’t be anyone but herself when meeting your child asking about their interests, do they like to draw and sing and dance and… You ran out of breath just listening to her talk and your child replying in similar fashion. Everything went quite well and the two of them got along. Jester would be singing them songs and teaching them how to draw resulting in many dick drawings randomly appearing in your books, notes and other places, followed by mischievous giggles.

Having bought your child a lovely green cloak and letting them pretend they’re the Traveler here to spread mischief and fun and leave behind many phallic shaped objects drawn and carved wherever possible sent you all in laughing fits but you swore you heard a more masculine chuckle and saw a green cloak fade into the shadows. Odd.

What only can be summed up as the combination between big sibling, fun wine cupcake aunt and mom, remained a constant in your life and you couldn’t be more thankful to have that ray of sunshine be there for all of you.

Caduceus:

Caduceus is very calm and collected about learning you have a child. Less of a response than perhaps anyone else perviously unknowing. “That’s nice.” He’d nod. You’d almost start thinking he may have been able to read it off you for some reason. He confirmed he was, the tired eyes, and the recovery of exasperation at times but sense of accomplishment and reward was a look he had seen from his own mother many times.

“You’re weird.” A stare down ensued. “You’re weird too.” Eyes sharpened. “I like you.” The ice broke and smiles followed. For a moment you were afraid that maybe your child wouldn’t like the odd firbolg and thinking about how you would keep friends and family separate but a wave of relief went over you knowing that all was well between the two most valuable people in your life.

You’d be handed a fresh cup of tea by your child, a plate of snacks by Caduceus, all too innocent smiles on their faces but all it took was a raised eyebrow from you to have them come clean about the kitchen being covered in soil from the two of them potting new plants, turning your home and garden in what can only be described as a greenhouse and rather ask for forgiveness than permission. You weren’t mad of course, but did make them clean the mess they made.

You’re still unsure whether or not it was a good or bad idea introducing your child to the extended Clay family as you got some insight in the chaotic prank wars between the siblings and all together sibling rivalry among some of them. It’s all fun and games of course but some moments you were glad you weren’t the one pelted with mud pies by Calliope or pushed into the spring by Calliope herself. Instead you could just enjoy Clarabelle’s bug collection with your child while laughing at the other’s being covered in mud and soaked to the bone.

Yasha:

Poor Yasha doesn’t recall much of a family. In reality she never really felt like she had one until the circus, and after them the Nein. When she saw you and your child together, the unconditional love you had for each other, she felt like she finally realised what she had been missing, and something she perhaps would never have. She learned the value of such a relationship.

Yasha has no idea how to interact with children at any level and by default tends to treat them as either adults, or cute animals. No in between. It took her some time to get the hang of it but you couldn’t deny both you and your child rather enjoyed the unconventional relationship.

The wastes and hardships of Xhorhas may force a child to grow up quickly in the tribes but that doesn’t mean children outside of those regions have to learn how to wield a sword and what bugs you can and cannot eat or how to best skin an animal before eating it… It took some convincing why that was not a necessary skill to learn at the tender age of ten.

You compromised with Yasha on the fighting in the end, persuaded by the woman and your child to allow her to teach them some fighting basics because someone’ has to have your back when Yasha’s not there. You did manage to hold them off on purchasing a sword perhaps too large for your child despite the ‘they’ll grow into it’ reasoning and instead settled on training equipment instead.

Mollymauk:

Oh Mollymauk, nothing surprises this one. He felt rather sorry for you going through the struggles of raising a child alone. He may not remember his own family but he’s traveled far and wide enough to know the hardships. He knows poor Toya and he admires you for being able to do what so many can’t or won’t.

It goes unsaid that Molly is perhaps the worst of influences when it comes to people but you’ve seen him interact with Toya before and know well enough he’s a kind and caring soul who wants only the best for those who can’t just yet fend for themselves. It’s a good foundation that leads to a better person. He jokingly claims himself proof of that through the carnival and him ‘being an absolute asshole’.

Molly’s soft side really does come out whenever he’s around your child. He doesn’t deliberately censor himself but tries to contain certain words and avoid certain subjects that should never be discussed around your child knowing you’d appreciate it and if he does let something slip and your child ask questions he’d gently explain it as certain things should definitely not be described in gory detail to someone of their age.

This circus man is not afraid to put on a show in any circumstance and will happily do so to cheer you or your child up whenever you’re feeling a bit down or overworked. Whether he’s making a fool of himself, giving you bogus card readings, juggle his swords or tell the most ridiculous stories ever he’d do it without a second thought because it brings you and your child joy. You’re part of his family and he’d go to hell and back again for you.

[night-filled-mountain]

Captivity and Escape in Critical Role

So this post has been sitting in my drafts for about half a year. It’s about a persistent theme I noticed throughout campaign 2, which I’m sure others have noticed and written about before, but parallels and recurring themes have always been my Thing, and I couldn’t let it go. And with last week’s episode, and the campaign finale airing tonight, and the dominance of this theme being more glaringly obvious than ever, I thought I’d just give myself a treat and finish up a giant meta post. For old times’ sake.

So, just for the heck of it, here’s an exhaustive exploration of a single through-line of campaign 2 since the very beginning: captivity, and escaping or being freed from it.

Let’s start by taking a quick look at everyone’s backstories, the things that happened to them before the campaign even started, and how they were ultimately resolved. 

FJORD: Entered unknowingly and unwillingly into a pact with Uk’otoa, which bound him to perform services he never agreed to in exchange for powers he never asked for. Fjord did not know how he got into this pact or how to get out of it. He makes his escape when he pitches his sword into a lava river and pledges himself to the Wildmother.

JESTER: Spent the majority of her life “locked in her room” (or at least hidden from sight) until the consequences of one of her pranks forcibly liberated her into the wider world. While Jester loves her mother dearly and thinks of her long “captivity” as being for her own protection, its negative effects on her--loneliness, insecurity, a lack of worldly experience and social awareness--were still apparent, and she spends much of the campaign working through them.

BEAU: Her parents had her kidnapped by monks. It could be argued that even before the kidnapping, she was a prisoner to her father’s “over-protective” tendencies and her parents’ expectations when it came to her career, behavior, gender role, etc. But most significantly, she was very much kidnapped by monks, and made her escape from the Cobalt Soul shortly before we met her.

CALEB: Where to start? First he suffered coercion and abuse at the hands of Trent (a form of captivity); then he was made to torture and execute prisoners; then he spent eleven years literally imprisoned in an asylum, and had to kill and steal in order to escape; and four and a half years later, he met Nott when they were both thrown in jail (and had to engineer their own escape once again). Caleb’s ordeals ultimately made him a prisoner of his own guilt and fear, and escaping that prison has been the heart of his storyline.

VETH/NOTT: Besides the aforementioned stint in jail, the catalyst for her entire adventuring career was being captured by goblins along with her family--and then, after engineering the escape of her husband and son, being imprisoned in the wrong body (and subsequently enslaved!). The desire to escape from this second imprisonment was her driving motivation through much of the campaign. With Caleb’s help (and Essek’s, and Jester’s), she ultimately succeeds.

MOLLY: His first memory was of clawing his way out of a grave, which is just about as extreme a form of captivity and escape as you can get. More subtly, he was also a prisoner to the expectations placed on his body--to the life that body once lived, which he could not remember and refused to claim. Arguably (and tragically), his escape from this particular prison is his own death...until Cree resurrects Lucien, Mollymauk fragment and all. Then he presumably becomes a prisoner much like Yasha was, subsumed body and soul by a mind and a will that are not his own. Until last week.

... (incoherent sobbing)

Until last week.

YASHA: She was a prisoner to her clan’s laws and expectations. Her brief attempt to escape this prison through a forbidden marriage ended tragically, and then she was forced to make a second, literal escape (fleeing into the desert)--only to be (presumably) possessed by Obann, imprisoned inside her own mind, and forced to do his bidding until the Storm Lord liberated her once again.

CADUCEUS: When the gang first meet him, he’s literally a prisoner of his own fear (and/or inertia)--though his whole family has left the Blooming Grove, he’s been too afraid or hesitant to brave the corruption of the Savalirwood without companionship, and spent years isolated in the family temple as a result. The Mighty Nein (or rather, Caleb, Nott, Beau, Keg, and Nila) initiate his escape.

***

And that’s just the backstories! Now let’s take a look at each of the places the Mighty Nein have visited since they came together, and the story arcs therein.

***

TROSTENWALD - CARNIVAL ARC: This arc’s entire goal is to free the (future) Mighty Nein and the other carnies from jail or house arrest. (Much later, the M9 come back to pay Gustav’s debt and liberate him as well.) And remember that Beau is especially sympathetic to Toya’s predicament because she, too, was once a young girl held somewhere against her will.

ALFIELD - GNOLL ARC: This arc’s entire goal is to free the citizens of Alfield who have been kidnapped by gnolls to feed to their manticore leader (and to kill off the gnolls and manticore to keep it from happening again).

ZADASH: The Mighty Nein’s first undertaking in Zadash is to kill off the giant spiders in the sewer. In the process, they free a halfling imprisoned in a spiderweb, which leads them to the Gentleman and all his future quests.

Aside from that, their biggest job in Zadash this time around is the High Richter heist--which, yes, is a mercenary/political job that goes terribly wrong, but why does it go terribly wrong? Because Ulog, the M9′s NPC ally at the time, is so furious over his wife being wrongfully imprisoned by the High Richter that he impulsively blows up both her and himself. And arguably the most poignant moment in the heist’s aftermath is Caleb speaking to the next High Richter, Dolan, and ensuring that Ulog’s wife will be freed.

Also, let’s not forget the drow the M9 meet in the sewer. The one they capture, interrogate, and ultimately...let go. Yes, he’s killed shortly afterward and his beacon falls into their hands, but I think it’s very important to remember that the decision they make, when holding a captive terrorist from an “enemy” nation, is to return his stolen artifact to him and let him walk away free.

LABENDA SWAMP/BERLEBEN: The most memorable events during this interlude are: (1.) The M9 literally freeing Kiri from the swamp, where she is stuck in the mud and at the mercy of crocodiles, and (2.) Bowlgate, a.k.a. Caleb and Beau’s tense confrontation over what to do with Calianna, which is once again fueled on Beau’s side by her sympathy for a young woman held against her will. (Caleb proposes that Cali spend the night with the M9, which she did not intend, so they can use spells to determine her truthfulness the next day.)

HUPPERDOOK: This one’s obvious: The M9 fight a deadly automaton to free two gnomes from prison and reunite them with their children (largely to prevent said children from being taken to an orphanage against their will).

GLORY RUN ROAD/SHADYCREEK RUN - IRON SHEPHERDS ARC: ...Even more obvious. The sole goal of the remaining M9 members (and Nila) throughout this arc is to free their friends from slavery. They end up slaughtering all the slavers and freeing several other captives as well.

LUSIDIAN OCEAN - PIRATE ARC: Here’s where things get really interesting. Because this whole arc is also about captivity and freedom, isn’t it?

It’s about whether or not to free a little old captive named Uk’otoa!

I haven’t given nearly enough thought to how this arc fits in with all the others thematically, considering its central lesson is that freeing this particular captive would be a very bad thing. I do think it’s significant that:

(1.) The beginning of this arc, which leaves the whole party feeling so bad and icky, involves them quite inadvertently taking a captive of their own--and one whom they don’t treat very well. (And still don’t, for that matter...poor Marius.)

(2.) Soon after that incident, the M9 are themselves effectively taken captive by Avantika and her crew. This situation doesn’t last nearly as long as many audience members (and quite possibly Matt, and quite possibly the players themselves!) thought it would, because they panic on Darktow, go all Wall of Fire, and free themselves in a huge, climactic, desperate battle. The Mighty Nein do not take well to captivity.

Anyhow, they follow all this up with...

FELDERWIN/XHORHAS - YEZA ARC: ...another very straightforward quest to free a captive. Not only is this arc all about rescuing Yeza from a Xhorhasian dungeon, but after Caleb returns the beacon, after the Bright Queen of Xhorhas offers the Mighty Nein anything they want...all they ask her for is to let them go.

BAZZOXAN & BEYOND - OBANN ARC: ...By now, you know where I’m going with this, right? The entire arc is about freeing Yasha from Obann, who has her imprisoned inside her own body, inside her own mind. There’s a reason That Moment in the cathedral hit so hard, right? “And as you close your eyes, you see yourself breaking the shackles. You see the influence no longer holding any sway over your soul. There's nothing but the storm, vengeance, and hope.”

(Bonus: In the middle of the above arc, we get the HAPPY FUN BALL - RESCUING YUSSA ARC, which, once again, is devoted to freeing a captive.)

KAMORDAH/CYRIOS MOUNTAINS - ISHARNAI ARC: Aimed entirely at freeing Nott from the body in which she was imprisoned. Beau also has a bit of a freedom arc here: confronting the parents who imprisoned her figuratively and literally, turning her back on them (possibly for good), and then confronting a major source of the expectations and superstitions they shackled her with: Isharnai, who is neutralized by Jester’s cupcake.

THE MENAGERIE - CLAY ARC: Aimed entirely at freeing Caduceus’s family, who are imprisoned in perhaps the most literal way possible, being turned to stone. (The M9 also manage to liberate the Stone family while they’re at it.)

RUMBLECUSP - TRAVELER CON: Two great liberations take place here. First, all the residents of the Village of Vo are freed from Vokodo’s influence, their memories restored, their blind devotion dispelled, able once again to choose the course of their own lives. Second, the followers of the Traveler are freed from the deception he’s imposed on them, the cult he’s roped them into. Thanks to the Moonweaver’s interference, they, too, are free to make informed decisions. And I think we can also safely say that Artagan is freed from them, from the false “god” role he managed to box himself into, and he’s happier for it.

EISELCROSS - SOMNOVEM ARC: ...And this is it, folks. This is why I decided to finish this post today. Because I was openly not feeling the Eiselcross arc as an endgame. The hard slog through the elements just wasn’t doing it for me, or the frequent combat, or the increasingly complex lore, or the traditionally heroic quest to save the world from being swallowed by a monstrous city.

...Until last week. Until Lucien’s defeat. And Molly’s oh-so-improbable resurrection.

When I heard all the voices of the Somnovem whispering “Thank you” as their individual souls were freed from the Lovecraftian hivemind...when I heard Jester sobbing that at least Molly’s soul wasn’t “trapped” inside a monstrous Lucien anymore...when Cad’s Divine Intervention succeeded, and Mollymauk Tealeaf opened his eyes--his two plain old natural eyes--unburdened by Lucien and his Somnovem eyes and all of his dark baggage for the first time--I was finally able to embrace this as the ending.

Because it’s not about saving the world. That’s just a bonus. It’s about saving a friend. Freeing a friend. Freeing captives, wherever they find them. Whether from Crown’s Guard, gnolls, and giant spiders, or from royal dungeons; whether from ruthless enemies or from their own families; whether from eldritch abominations or from the forces that chain their own minds.

In the end, the Mighty Nein--and the people whose lives they touch--belong to no one and nothing that they do not choose to belong to. They belong to themselves, to the people they most sincerely love, to the gods and causes they have chosen freely. And that has always, always been my favorite kind of story.

And I can’t wait for tonight.

[vividxp]

I was scrolling the crspoilers tag on twitter and found a screenshot that someone posted of their talks question submission that asked if Matt felt a way that the group sidelined their revolutionary ideas as soon as they gained power.  

And my instant reaction was:

Hold on, ‘revolutionary ideas?! the M9?!’

Wait, ‘power?! The M9?!’

Now, I actually think the bare essence of the question is a valid and interesting one; Matt clearly had plans about the setting of Wildemount and there were opportunities for the characters to really get involved in its contentious politics. But I would not describe the M9′s ideas or actions throughout the campaign as ‘revolutionary’ in any sense of the word. In fact for the most part the M9 have actively avoided getting involved in things unless it concerned a person they cared about. Arguably, it wasn’t until this last arc where you started to see the M9 start to move in a different direction.

So, sure, I absolutely would love to know how Matt felt about how the players approached the setting. I would like to know if he had to change things up because he felt the players weren’t responding to or having fun with what he put out there.

I wonder if in retrospect, recognizing that the M9 was very focused on their in-group, Matt would have tried harder to try and give the M9 some stakes and investment in Wildemount that were more than just existential and universal (as the Eiselcross arc was).

I think the biggest issue for anyone who was hoping for a revolutionary turn for the M9 is that the vast majority of the characters appeared to be/were disconnected from the political realities of the Empire and Dynasty which were the highlight of the campaign. Jester and Fjord were from Menagerie Coast which was neutral territory. Even at the height of the war between the Empire and the Dynasty, Nicodranus didn’t take a side, so it was the place where the M9 could go and not be worried about the Empire or Dynasty getting involved in their business. Yasha is Xhorhassian but from outside the Kryn Dynasty and from a tribe she was alienated from at the beginning of the campaign. Molly and Caduceus are from Shady Creek Run and the Blooming Grove respectively, two areas that once again are outside of the Empire and the Dynasty.

Beau, Caleb and Veth were citizens of the Empire. But despite that, Caleb was basically a nonentity and for the most part he wanted to keep it that way. He had a few moments here and there, but it was only until after the war wound down that he was like ‘ok, it’s not enough for only me to escape the Cerberus Assembly’. (Which is fine, mind you, that’s called having a character arc).

Beau is the only character that I would describe as someone who gained power during the campaign. However, I felt that becoming an expositor made only made Beau more invested in shaking shit up politically not less. However early on in the campaign, what did being a member of the Cobalt Soul actually mean for her? The Cobalt Soul never gave her any missions but allowed her to be a free agent and report back anything interesting that she found. There were some moments with Dairon during the Xhorhas arc, but again it fell mostly on Dairon to do that work instead of Beau and there wasn’t really any follow up on the choice Beau made to help them infiltrate the Dynasty especially since Dairon didn’t really discover anything the M9 didn’t already know. There was so much potential there but very little opportunity when it came to Beau who IMO would have absolutely risen to the moment.

And finally, you have Mrs. Veth Brenatto. Here’s a flaming hot take for y’all: the investment and stakes that the M9 had in the politics of Wildemount for the campaign was mainly because of Veth. Take her away and the M9 would have probably been pirates and out of things for a whole lot longer. 

But even then, there were opportunities with Veth that were missed. For example, her whole entire backstory. The goblins who raided Felderwin during a harsh winter and killed her? Would that have happened if the Empire had treated goblins as actual citizens and not monsters to be eradicated? As Nott the Brave, it didn’t really matter that Yeza would have accepted her as a goblin, her home was still closed off to her because the Empire and the society at large would rather see her dead. 

Though mind you, despite all that backstory it was never really engaged with at all. And Veth’s antipathy towards goblins seemed to be treated as a unique, personal character flaw that came from nowhere. But that makes zero sense! It wasn’t like the goblins who killed her could have went to the market that winter. The Empire is a deeply racist society that systematically excluded goblins from society and violently suppressed them into the margins. We got to see how things were in the Dynasty were goblins were allowed to live freely and participate in society. The issue and moral of the story isn’t ‘well Veth has to realize that goblins aren’t all bad’ the issue is to realize that she was the casualty of a moral and political failure of the Empire. That her circumstance was the consequence of a society that makes sure that the only option a group has for survival is violence. Those dots could have been connected and there was potential for change if the issue was ever confronted directly, but alas. 

I have a lot more retrospective thoughts on the campaign, but long story short, I think that while you could argue that maybe the M9 were moving towards a more revolutionary direction and perhaps if the campaign kept going a little longer we could have seen it especially confronting a political institution like the Cerberus Assembly. But I definitely think the M9, for better or for worse, was very much a neutral party.

[c-is-for-circinate]

Y’all this episode had everything I could possibly have wanted and things I never even knew to wish for.

How did one episode start with Henry Crabgrass, the most glorious and beloved NPC of my heart, and end with mother fucking Avantika, with so much awesome shit in between!!!  How!!!

Okay I am making a list of shit I absolutely loved tonight, in approximate chronological order:

Y’all I just love Henry Crabgrass so much.  I don’t even have smart things to say about that fact, just a warm glow in my heart.  May all the light of Melora’s grace smile down upon them and leave Henry as the toughest, most unkillable patch of crabgrass in all Exandria.

Vess and the Tombtakers, so many questions and so few certain answers, so many things to wonder, so many dots to connect!  I really do feel like the crew are connecting them at this point, and while I’m sure in some places they’re far from the map, the general outline really is starting to emerge.  What, exactly, was in the book the Tombtakers tried to claim without showing it to Vess deRogna first?  What did it do to Lucien?  And, if Vess has the book--what are they trying to find now?

So okay, let’s talk about Yasha and Beau. As someone who has had a lot of feelings about the intense relatability of Beau’s crush on Jester, I have now fully committed to also having a whole lot of mostly new feelings about these terrible awkward disaster lesbians with no fucking idea what they’re doing.  I saw a post the other day mention how this whole relationship is about the feeling of discovering you can have this, that you can actually be happy, that you get to have this kind of relationship with someone.  I’ve written about that.  And I feel it so, so hard, every time I see them interact, when every bit of bravado leaves both of them. It’s so easy to be off-putting!  It’s so easy to have crushes on wonderful people you kind of wish would look at you but you’re absolutely sure never will.  It’s so hard to actually know what the fuck to do in the face of wait shit this might actually be a thing I could get for real? how? wait, how???

Also let’s talk about Jester in that scene, who ships Beauyasha harder than anything in the world???   Because yes, right, some of it is just that Jester loves romance, and some of it’s that Jester gets very invested in the happiness of her friends, but that is a lot of investment there.  And I can’t help wondering if there’s a little dimension of...she wants to see True Love and Happily-Ever-After work.  And she’s delighted to see it work for her friends who she loves, and when it comes true they’ll be happy and she loves that, but also I don’t know that Jester’s ever actually seen two people fall in love with each other and enter into a healthy, happy relationship before.  But hey, all of her books say this wonderful magical thing exists, and now it seems to actually be showing up for her friends?  Of course she wants to see it.  Of course she wants it to be just as magical and wonderful as in all her stories, even if it’s not for her. (And maybe especially if it’s not for her, but I think that’s a whole separate post about Jester and her very high passive insight and all the people who are in love with her and the very specific ways she treats each of them.)

I love Yeza.  Don’t we all love Yeza?  He’s trying so hard.  It’s always great to see Yeza for that kind of wide-eyed outsider POV on the M9 shenanigans, and I love it.  He made a comment this episode about meeting goblins while living in Rosohna, and everything that’s happened to him really hit me in a while new way.  Usually I think about how he’s had his life turned upside down by all of this, but man, just think how much he’s seen that he never in a million years would have begun to expect to experience!  This smalltown alchemist from a pastoral little farming city in the middle of the Dwendalian midwest has lived for a significant amount of time as a housekeeper in the capitol city of the Krynn Dynasty.  He must have gone to the markets and met the neighbors and learned the streets and the food, and who had he ever known in his whole life who could say such a thing?  He lived with the Ruby of the Sea in Nicodranas by the ocean.  He’s been to Zadash, now, and it’s only a matter of time before he sees Rexxentrum.  How much farther will he go?  (Man, I would love some good Yeza fic once this campaign is over.  I think it’s going to take that long for me to really know how his story arc ends.)

Someone was posting earlier this episode about witnessing Vess scare Yeza so badly, and insight into how the Nein are starting to run in circles that really outstrip the people they used to know.  Watching Pumat in the wake of being Informed By Lady de Rogna That He Would Put A Rush On That has really hammered it home.  They remarked, in their very M9 somewhat idle vaguely ridiculous way that they wanted the icebreaker, and one tiny snowman later Vess had pulled rank and money and rerouted the ship’s entire passage for them.  She’s scary--and with her, the M9 have the kind of power that’s scary, too. And that’s always such an interesting moment.  The M9 are used to thinking of themselves as people with very little, who have to fight and scrap and get lucky for their own survival all the time.  And yes, they’re utterly careless with money--why not be, when it comes and goes and almost none of them have ever really seen it help or last?  And yes, they’re prone to violence and sometimes pretty rude.  But before now, it’s always been a situation where the M9 acting loud, rude, and demanding could be chaotic underdogs scrapping to get what they needed or wanted from people who had the option of saying no.  Suddenly they’re in a position where the balance of social situations is biased in their favor instead of against them. There’s such a difference between ‘please accede to my unreasonable request because I have a high charisma and will pay you lots of gold’, and, ‘you’re going to accede to my unreasonable request because otherwise my Cerberus Assembly boss may or may not have you assassinated’.  The M9 have never been on this side of that before.  I’m very curious to see how much they notice that they are now.

PALADIN OATH PALADIN OATH PALADIN OATH!  I was not paying nearly enough attention when that scene started, so I am going to need to watch it again and also make extra sure to read any available source material on this specific homebrew oath, because it’s probably not exactly the same as the Oath of the Sea homebrew you can find on google.  There’s some overlap between the abilities there and the ones Fjord already have, and the vows don’t quite match up, though some of them are close.  Ugh, mostly I’m just so glad it has happened and Fjord has promised and he means it, he means it so much.  He rest-of-his-life means it, and my heart belongs to Fjord who couldn’t even imagine the rest of his life as a thing separate from the monotony of his first thirty years, so very recently.

I actually always really love when CR has episodes at sea?  Obviously the M9 have done it the most, but Vox Machina went sailing a time or two as well, and it’s just always so great.  It’s often days of down time in a way that overland travel isn’t, and the party fills it with so many good little moments.  Matt always gives them such cool encounters.  On boats, spending a week at a time getting from one place to another, so much of the chaos of rewriting a plan seventeen times in an hour gets stripped away: they’re headed towards a destination, sometimes something comes up to deter them, and they have to find a way to deal with it.  There are always crew members and the structure of a boat itself to take into consideration in any combat that pops up.  It’s just such a nice tone, and I also love that the ocean itself kind of hates them now because it adds really delightful additional risks, and anyway heck yeah ocean voyage.

WHICH ENDS IN UNDEAD AVANTIKA ATTACKING THE SHIP WITH A TRIO OF CRAB-MEN AND WHO KNOWS WHAT ELSE HOLY FUCK.  Look, I think M9 becoming pirates by accident and then trying to figure out wtf might actually be my favorite arc of this campaign so far, and every time it comes back I get so so happy.  I’ve got some feelings about this showing up in the same episode as Fjord finally taking his full oath to the Wildmother. They are going to have to kill U’kotoa before this campaign is through.  They are going to have to, because Fjord will never be safe on the ocean again if they don’t, and Fjord has bound himself by vow and will in service as the Wildmother’s paladin of the open sea.  She hasn’t asked it of him, not specifically, but it’s his job.  It’s going to be his job.  In part it’ll be because it’s poetic justice, Fjord taking down the cruel demigod who (in some ways) made him.  Mostly it’s just that killing U’kotoa is a job that needs to be done.  To protect the oceans, the life they hold, the people who sail upon them, it’s going to need to be done.  It’s Melora’s domain to do this, which means it’s her paladin’s job, and Fjord is her paladin of the sea.  It’ll be him sooner or later.

I am so fucking delighted at the massive pile of fireworks on the deck of this ship, and I hope to god these Chekhovian bottle rockets go off before the end of this combat encounter, because this is, in fact, all I ever wanted the minute Beau put them in there.

[iatethepomegranate]

We are not alone in the dark with our demons, Chapter 12

In which Caleb buys a house in Rexxentrum with Beau and Yasha, becomes a professor, learns how to be a person, and grapples with how to help the other Volstrucker survivors, and his students, in a way he had never been helped.

Content warnings: References to Caleb's backstory, depression, poverty

Chapter summary: Caleb and the Nein meet up in Nicodranas, and he can no longer delay telling them of his failure to protect someone who desperately needed him. But, as it turns out, he was not the only person keeping secrets about that day.

Chapter notes: This is a somewhat chaotic chapter. Enjoy and let chaos reign, I guess! Chapter title is from Three by Sleeping At Last

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Chapter 12: A mess of a story I'm ashamed to tell but I'm slowly learning how to break this spell

Essek teleported the four of them to the Blooming Grove the following morning to pick up Caduceus, who offered to message Wensforth to save the wizards the spell. They had breakfast in the Grove with the Clays, and got their hands dirty in the garden for a while, until Caleb rolled the aches from his shoulders and began to draw the teleportation circle to Tidepeak Tower.

“I might have to go back earlier than the rest of you,” said Beauregard. “Dairon’s guiding the monks on the Nico hunt for now, but they’re super busy.”

“We can send you back whenever you need,” said Essek.

Caleb’s next few chalk strokes were a bit more aggressive than they needed to be. It was hard not to feel guilty for leaving Rexxentrum while Nico was out on his own and people were searching for him. Essek sat on the floor by his side, knocking their knees together. He felt better, and no one made any mention of his silent outburst.

He completed the final stroke and the five of them rushed through, landing in a familiar tower, where Wensforth waited in the doorway.

“Welcome, welcome.” Wensforth guided them down the stairs. “The master is eager to speak with you.”

Yussa was already arranged on a couch in the sitting area on the ground floor, delicate fingers holding a teacup. Once borderline inscrutable, the man smiled at them as he often did these days. Especially to Caleb, on whom Jester thought Yussa had a crush. Caleb was more of the mind that Yussa saw him as little more than a precocious child, given their respective ages, but his particular fondness was evident all the same.

“Oremid tells me you are teaching at the Soltryce Academy now,” Yussa said. “Sit. We should talk.”

“Hi, Yussa,” Beauregard said, a little pointedly. “How’ve you been?”

“I am well, Beauregard. It is good to see you. All of you.”

They arranged themselves on the soft couches in the space, Caleb sitting across Yussa for ease of conversation, given the man clearly had things to say today. Essek was at Caleb’s side, slightly further than he would be just around the Nein, but close enough to be a comfort whenever Caleb’s anxiety spiked nonetheless.

Essek had been to Yussa’s tower a few times in Caleb’s company before. Given everything the Nein had put Yussa through already, the man had taken the presence of a fugitive of the Kryn Dynasty in his stride.

With a gesture from Yussa, his teapot lifted and poured itself into the other five cups on the little table in the centre of the room. Then, in turn, each cup floated into the hands of his visitors. Caleb accepted his with a soft thanks, slipping into Zemnian out of habit. He had spoken more Zemnian in the last few weeks than he had in years. It was always the little words, the pleases and thank yous, the hellos and goodbyes, that stuck the hardest.

“So…” Yussa honed in on him again. “Teaching. A step down from the original job they offered you, I hear.”

“Teaching is a better use of my time than spying.” There were more things Caleb could say about the Archmage of Civil Influence as a position, and most of them were far less polite. “Astrid always wanted that position more than I did anyway.”

“Good. You might survive to old age after all, for a human.”

Essek flinched a little at the reminder of Caleb’s shorter lifespan. Yussa’s eyes tracked the movement, but he let it pass without comment.

“Are we third-wheeling for you guys again?” Beau asked, but it wasn’t really a question. “Because we can, like, go.”

Caduceus placed a package on Yussa’s table. “Here, I brought that tea you liked last time.”

“Yes, thank you. You are all welcome to stay if you like.”

Beauregard was already standing up. “Nah, I think we’re good. Cool to see you again with your face where it belongs.” She awkwardly finger-gunned in Yussa’s direction, backing towards the door.

She, Yasha and Caduceus left the tower.

Yussa watched them go with amusement. “It seems my social graces are rather rusty.”

“They don’t mind,” said Caleb. “They have met too many wizards to be offended.” Essek snickered into his hand, finally relaxing a bit. “So, you were saying?”

“Teaching is good work, if you can tolerate the children,” said Yussa. “I did it myself for a time. For one to turn down an archmage position… you must have a goal.”

“Leave the Empire better than I found it,” Caleb said. That encompassed all his knotted up feelings about it.

Yussa raised a single well-kept eyebrow. “Interesting. What is your definition of ‘better’, if I may ask?”

Caleb did have a vision for this, and the situation with Felix and Nico had thrown into sharp, painful relief how far there was to go, and how much pain he would never be able to prevent. “No more children thrown on the pyre. No more stolen childhoods. No more abuse. A government and its mages who choose to consider simple human cost, before they consider their own selfish ambitions.” Caleb was typically more reserved with Yussa, but the more he spoke of this, the harder it became to restrain his emotions. “No more wizards with a god complex who think themselves above basic compassion and ethics. No more butchering the innocent to grease the wheels of war. Just… no more.”

“A lofty goal,” Yussa said, quiet. “One that would take the remainder of my lifetime, or even young Essek’s lifetime, let alone yours.”

“I know. Hence the importance of teaching these things to those who will come after me.”

Yussa hummed thoughtfully. “I wish you luck. More powerful men than yourself have tried, and been consumed.”

“Been there, done that. Have the trauma.” Caleb wasn’t sure where he found the capacity to joke, even flatly, about all of this. Sometimes it was easier to get the point across if he allowed for a bit of sarcasm. “In my experience, the children put at the mercy of these people may need the most help. And that is something I can do.”

“I will watch your progress.” Yussa finished his tea, setting the cup aside. “Now, enough of mundane matters. I have been tinkering with Willi some more. Would you like to see the results?”

“Always.” Caleb missed that golem terribly.

They lost a few hours discussing the golems of the Happy Fun Ball, and comparing notes about the pre-Calamity Aeormatons the Nein had encountered. Caleb and Essek had run across Devexian a few times in their travels since. It was a good use of time, and it settled Caleb’s nerves. He felt better.

***

Once they left Tidepeak Tower, Essek disguised as a blonde half-elf, they headed over to Veth’s place. Caleb was somewhat nervous about this, because he knew she would see through any of his bullshit and know he was going through something. And then he would have to explain everything to the rest of the Nein. And, of course, Jester already had an inkling thanks to Astrid.

There was no getting out of this. And it wasn’t that Caleb didn’t want them to know, exactly. He had just grown tired of explaining it. And he knew what little equilibrium he had managed to find would fall away as soon as Veth said or did anything in response, and he would break all over again.

Nevertheless, he messaged Veth as soon as they stepped out of the tower. “Hallo, Veth. Essek and I are on our way to your place. Be there soon.” Then, for old time’s sake: “You can reply to this message.”

The first sound that came through was Veth’s trademark screech. “Caleb! We made lunch. Get over here!” A split-second’s pause. “Good shot! Oh, sorry Lebby. Luc shot Beau in the ass. Like mother, like son.”

Luc was going to be a menace as a teenager. Caleb intended to be around to see it. And probably try to save a little bit of Yeza’s sanity if possible.

Caleb and Essek took their time wandering through Nicodranas. The streets were filled with people out for lunch, enticing scents curling through the air. Caleb and Essek stopped by a bakery to grab some pastries for the group (mostly Jester)--there had evidently been some Zemnian influence on Nicodranas, or the other way around, as treats such as bee stings could be found in both areas. Nicodranas made them a touch sweeter and stickier.

Caleb also grabbed a fresh loaf of bread, though he did not shove his hands into it this time. He hadn’t known that was a poverty thing until Beau and Jester had reacted so strongly to him doing it that one time. He still thought it was a useful trick, but it apparently unnerved people. Bread mittens had kept him warm many times in the freezing cold when he had no one to look out for him, and had to choose between food and something as simple as mittens.

Anyway, bread was wonderful.

They wound through the streets until they reached Veth’s place. There was an unpleasant feeling in the pit of Caleb’s stomach that he couldn’t quite describe. Unease or dread felt too uncharitable, but the feeling was somewhere in that neighbourhood. Essek slipped his hand into Caleb’s, gently leading him to the door. Essek knocked, and it was thrown open in seconds and Veth had already thrown herself at Caleb’s abdomen, wrapping her arms tightly around his waist.

Caleb almost broke then and there. He carefully rested a hand on the top of her head, sliding his fingers through her hair, looking ahead but not really seeing anything. Veth gave him a final squeeze and stepped back, grabbing his hand on the way. It took Caleb a second too long to lock eyes with her, by which time whatever joy had been on her face had been replaced with worry.

“Hi, Lebby,” she said, in a careful soft tone she used whenever he was teetering on the brink of crashing down. “What’s the matter?”

Caleb took a careful breath, and spoke in a measured tone. “I will tell you, but we should eat first. I may not be able to later.”

Veth tugged him inside, Essek taking care of the door and following them through the house. The rest of the Nein were already crammed into the kitchen, stuffing their faces with a simple stew that smelled delightful. It must have been one of the recipes Veth remembered from Felderwin.

Jester leapt upon him with a hug, dragging Essek in with her. “You’re here! It’s so good to see you! We got chased by a dragon turtle again and I turned it into a sea slug like last time, and we got away!”

“This happened at sea, I assume?” asked Caleb, who knew enough about Jester to take nothing at face value.

“Of course, Caleb. Don’t be silly!” Jester let him go, and booped his nose. He managed not to flinch.

Caleb wordlessly held out the pastries and bread. Jester squealed and grabbed them off him, shoving them into the centre of the table. Veth grabbed an enormous knife and began to cut the bread while the rest of the Nein shuffled around to make room for two more chairs. It was a tight fit, and Caleb was firmly sandwiched between Essek and Beauregard, but it felt somewhat akin to Essek’s nighttime pressure on his back and sometimes chest that crushed his soul back into his body. Their thighs were jammed together now, and it was easy to hook his ankle around Essek’s and keep himself grounded. For now.

A bowl was shoved in his direction and he ate mechanically, dimly aware of the chatter around him. Luc’s voice was among the loudest, and it was good to hear his voice. After everything the boy had been through, on Caleb’s account no less. No matter what anyone else said.

Caleb was going to spiral if he didn’t get a hold of himself. And he wanted to have a good time in Nicodranas; he didn’t know when he would be back here. Not to mention he would prefer not to retraumatise the already traumatised toddler by having a breakdown in the middle of lunch.

So he ate. Slowly. Methodically. He silently counted each mouthful, because he needed to count something. And when he had finished the stew, he felt more present in his surroundings. Veth distributed slices of bread with little pots of spiced olive oil and balsamic vinegar, and the Nein continued to chatter away as they tore off pieces of bread, dunked them into the oil, and finished off the loaf. Caleb was glad they liked it. And that Veth had been here long enough to have picked up a local bread tradition to share with them all.

“This is good bread, Caleb,” said Jester.

“I went to the bakery you recommended,” Caleb replied.

“That was months ago! You remembered!”

Caleb tapped his temple.

“Caleb has a very good memory,” Veth said warmly, as if everyone at the table wasn’t already keenly aware.

“I’m a bit curious about that,” said Kingsley, his tail smacking Beauregard in the arm, ignoring her as she slapped it off her. “Have you always been like that?”

“My memory was always good, ja,” said Caleb. It was rare for Kingsley to ask about someone’s past; very Molly-esque, not that Caleb would ever tell him that. “I could count things very well, especially time, and naturally had good recall. I did develop it further at school, but it was always there.”

Most people who found out about Caleb’s memory either saw it as an interesting party trick, or a useful tool if they were more like Trent. He did not speak of the downsides of having a near-infallible memory very often.

But Kingsley was looking at him with sharpness in his eyes behind the easy smile. “Maybe I’m biased since I barely remember anything that this body did before a few months ago, but that sounds feckin’ awful.” He said it lightly, but Caleb could hear the edge in his voice. Kingsley had been around when Caleb had told his story to Beauregard in the Grove; he had the context, and his own experiences, to put things together.

“A blessing and a curse, ja.”

The mood at the table threatened to darken, but Luc was thankfully oblivious to it, and instead started babbling about a huge bug the Brenattos had found in the garden yesterday. And that his father had screamed very loudly. Caleb sat back from the conversation, but was pleased when the tension broke.

“It really was adorable,” Veth was saying.

Yeza rolled his eyes good-naturedly. “Yes, and you were my valiant saviour once again.”

But lunch was just about wrapping up at this point, and Veth would soon turn her focus back onto Caleb and his problems. Caleb’s lunch sat like a stone in his stomach, and maybe he shouldn’t have eaten quite that much. But it was hard to say no to a home-cooked meal surrounded by the people he loved most in this world. Those who were still alive, anyway.

Veth, charitably, let Caleb have a few extra minutes while she and Yeza cleared the table before she sat back down with a sigh, and turned her eyes to him. “All right. What’s the matter?”

Yeza picked Luc up. “I think we’ll go for a walk.” He didn’t know every little thing about Caleb’s shit, but he knew enough to understand whatever they were about to discuss was not something Luc needed to hear. “We’ll be back in an hour.”

As soon as they were gone, Jester spoke up. “Astrid said some stuff happened, but she wouldn’t tell me what.”

Caleb sighed deeply. “All right. I will tell you. Some of you already know what happened. I would appreciate your assistance.”

Beauregard knocked her knee against his. “We’ll help. But you should start.”

So he did. Caleb told the Nein that Astrid had been reaching out to the Volstrucker, and that two boys had been unaccounted for. He led most of the explanation of how they had come to understand what this probably meant, and to make plans for it. Beauregard began to speak up a bit when he spoke of finding Felix and convincing him to speak to them, of bringing in Caduceus to lift the modified memory. Caduceus began to add pieces where relevant, of the things he saw. Of scrying on Nico, and learning where he was.

Beauregard led the discussion of rushing after him and finding the house ablaze, and Caleb very briefly spoke of his experience on the upper floor, and finding the bodies of Nico’s parents. The memories were too vivid, and choked him up a bit, so Beauregard took over once again, and then Caduceus after they had traded places to help Caleb try to save the Baumanns.

“I do have a confession to make,” said Caduceus.

“Oh?” said Caleb, who couldn’t say much else at the moment.

“I was still scrying when Nico lit the fire,” Caduceus admitted. “I saw how he reacted to it. I chose not to inform you, because I feared leaving the scry before your arrival, in case something else happened. I… in the moment, I did not think telling you would have helped, but I wanted to apologise. I wanted to explain all this earlier, but...” Caduceus didn’t finish--maybe he had realised that would be jumping a bit ahead in the story. But Caleb understood.

There had been a small shred of curiosity in the back of Caleb’s mind, but he had been too preoccupied to give it much thought. But Caduceus’s explanation made sense; he had weighed up the benefits of both options and chosen the one he thought best in the moment. Leaving the scry to tell Caleb the house was already ablaze probably wouldn’t have made much difference. The Baumanns had already been long dead by the time he reached them. So Caleb harboured no ill will towards Caduceus for the difficult choice he had made, nor did he resent Caduceus for not telling him sooner, when Caleb had been far too unwell.

“There is no need to apologise,” Caleb told him. “You made a hard decision. Thank you for telling me now, when I am better able to handle it. Are you all right?”

Caduceus smiled sadly at him. “I understand you better now. Not in the way either of us wanted, but I’m all right now that I’ve told you.” He straightened, clearing his throat. “Anyway, where were we?”

They briefly talked about the night they had Nico, and that it had been a bad one for Caleb, and then Essek chipped in to describe the Greater Restoration spell the following morning. And the chaos that had ensued. Caleb spoke briefly about the chase on his side of things, with Beau and Yasha contributing theirs.

“We didn’t find him,” said Beauregard. “Monks and Volstrucker are still on the lookout. Caleb thinks the kid probably ran for the woods to get some cover. He taught Felix the Sending spell and took him back home to his parents.”

“Felix and I message Nico regularly,” said Caleb. “No responses yet.” And, because he was with the Nein, and because they loved him, he said, “I… feel a bit useless, at the moment.”

Jester reached across the table, tears in her eyes, and squeezed his hand. “You’re not useless, Caleb. You’re really smart, and really cool.”

“You’ve done a lot for those kids,” said Fjord. “I’m sure they both appreciate it, even if Nico isn’t talking to you. He’ll find you when he’s ready.”

“Maybe,” Caleb murmured. He was tired.

Veth was watching him, mouth downturned at the corners. “Caleb. Why didn’t you tell me? I would’ve come over.”

Caleb didn’t know what to say to her. An apology wasn’t enough. And he didn’t know if he could explain it right now. He looked away from her, down at the table, and tried not to crack apart with guilt. He was not doing a very good job.

A flash of movement, and Veth had launched herself across the table and into his lap. “Oh, Cay Cay, honey. No. Shh.” She squished his cheeks, which he only now realised were wet. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean it like that.” She flung her arms around his neck and hugged him tightly. Caleb buried his face in her shoulder. “I’m so sorry. I’m not angry, and I don’t blame you for not wanting to talk about it. It’s okay.”

That only made him feel worse. Breathing was hard. Two hands, belonging to two different people, found their way to his back, rubbing slow circles. The more delicate hand--Essek’s--applied a little more pressure than the other. Probably Beauregard. She was next to him.

“You’re all right, Caleb,” said Caduceus. “We’ve got you.”

Caleb laughed wetly, remembering those exact words from Fjord as they had guided him home after a panic attack behind the coffee shop. Maybe this was a thing now. Or at least a thing from the Wildmother devotees of the Nein.

The rest of the day was quiet. Caleb composed himself after a while, and set up his lesson plans and speech notes on the floor of the Brenattos’ living room. A cup of dead people tea at his side. Surrounded by the chatter of his friends, and Essek’s head on his shoulder as he worked through a book written in Undercommon.

Yeza and Luc returned after a while, and Luc napped on the couch at Caleb’s back. Breathing loudly into his ear. It should have been annoying, but really wasn’t. The boy woke up some time later and wriggled his way onto the floor, peppering Caleb with questions about what he was doing. Caleb was more than happy to answer, hoping he had simplified it enough for the boy. Luc was very clever, but he was also very young.

Most of the Nein drifted away once Caleb seemed more stable. Jester, Fjord and Kingsley went off to check on their crew (including Vandran), and hang out with Marion. Caleb expected he would see her at the Chateau in the evening for dinner. Beau and Yasha had wandered off to the fish market.

Caduceus was still around, and Caleb suspected he actually felt much worse than he was letting on. But he seemed content to chat with Yeza and Veth over tea in the kitchen. Caleb caught snatches of the conversation; it seemed they were trying to explain some alchemical concepts to him. There was a good chance that Caduceus did have some knowledge in the area, but not in the same scientific way. Which made such a conversation all the more entertaining, as fragments of it drifted into the living room as the Brenattos and Caduceus tried to reconcile their wildly different experiences of very similar things.

Luc had just finished asking Caleb what a cantrip was, drawn from his lesson notes for Beginner’s Transmutation. The boy climbed into his lap, resting his head against Caleb’s collarbone. At first, Caleb thought he was still groggy from his nap. Then:

“Uncle Caleb?”

“Ja?”

“Are you having a bad day?”

That was a far cry from most of Caleb’s interactions with Luc, where he was mostly playing the part of the fun uncle with cool magic tricks. Essek hadn’t spent as much time with Luc, and was still phenomenally awkward around both him and Yeza, and even he seemed to notice the shift. Essek froze, his eyes glued to the one spot on the page.

“What do you mean?” Caleb asked Luc.

Luc shrugged. “Your eyes are puffy.”

Caleb chuckled at that; trust a small child to have no filter. “Ja, okay. I cried a bit earlier. Your mother and our friends took good care of me, though.” He thought back to Luc’s question. “We all have bad days, ja?”

Luc nodded, face pressed against Caleb’s shirt. “I had a bad day yesterday.”

“Oh?”

“I was remembering something that hurt a lot. And sometimes when I remember it, I get really sad and can’t think about anything else.”

Caleb, unfortunately, knew exactly what Luc was remembering. Veth didn’t bring it up often, but she had occasionally mentioned that Luc would have entire days after waking from nightmares of fire where he was just… out of sorts. Not wanting to play. Or even shoot his crossbow. Caleb could relate to the feeling.

So he set his pen aside and wrapped his arms around Luc. “Ja, that happens to me, too. Shall we stick together for today? We can cheer each other up.”

Luc just nodded, and Caleb rocked him side-to-side. The boy was probably still recovering, both from his disturbed sleep and the depressive episode.

“You’re good with him,” Essek said later, when Luc had fallen asleep against his chest.

Yeza ducked his head out of the kitchen, probably concerned that Luc was up to mischief in his silence, but his expression cleared when he saw the boy was sleeping. “Thank you, Caleb.”

Luc was not only a child, but also a halfling child, so it was a simple matter for even Caleb to hold him throughout the day. He felt better having someone else to care for, and Luc seemed to find comfort in Caleb’s attention.

***

That evening, they all visited the Lavish Chateau for dinner. Essek was in his blonde half-elf disguise again while the group ate on the ground floor. Luc was still clingy with Caleb, but he genuinely didn’t mind. He balanced the boy in his lap while they ate dinner. The chef had prepared a mildly spiced rice dish for the table that was easy for both of them to eat in this situation.

Marion joined them, graceful and lovely as ever. Like Yeza, she had not held ill will for what had befallen her during Trent’s pursuit. In fact, on more than one occasion, she had joked that she should thank “that horrible man” for forcing her to spend time with Babenon while in hiding. The situation was still complicated between the pair, and Caleb understood those kinds of complications better than most of the Nein. But she seemed happier than she had been in a long time.

Jester had apparently updated Marion with every shred of information she had gleaned from the Nein, so Marion was already aware of Caleb’s new job, and that he and the lesbians had a house together in Rexxentrum.

“It’s quite the change, I imagine,” she said.

“Oh, ja. I still wake up sometimes and have to pinch myself.”

“If you ever find yourself in Rexxentrum,” said Beauregard, “we’d love to have you.” She even managed not to look constipated or aggressive while saying it, which was a far cry from the prickly woman Caleb had met in Trostenwald all that time ago.

Marion smiled warmly. “Unlikely, but I will be sure to take you up on the offer if the need arises. How is your work, Beauregard?”

She glanced at Caleb, and sighed. “Complicated. But Caleb’s ex is the new archmage in the Assembly, and she’s actually not a shitty person most of the time. So that helps.”

Marion looked to Caleb, amused. “How does she feel about your new partner?”

Gods, Caleb had never gotten to have this kind of conversation with his own mother. So, even though the reminder hurt a bit, he indulged her. “Oh. Uh. Well, you see…”

“Caleb’s had a threesome,” Jester supplied helpfully.

“I see.” Now Marion looked very entertained. “We all have hidden depths. The two people who came to warn us about your teacher?”

“Ja.” Caleb’s face was hot, and probably as red as his hair. “They are… respectful of us. But they also told me they would, ah…” He remembered there was a small child on his lap who absolutely did not need to go around telling people he would cut off their balls. “They would cut off an important part of his anatomy if he ever hurt me. So, I think they approve.”

Essek made a choked sound. “You did not tell me this.”

“I was preoccupied.” Caleb didn’t need to elaborate; Essek would figure out what he meant.

Essek relaxed marginally, and knocked their knees together. “Right.” He wasn’t the type for public displays of affection, even if he didn’t have to worry about drawing attention to himself.

Marion looked to Essek. “Good luck.”

He laughed nervously. “Thank you. I will need it.”

“You’ll be fine,” Caleb said. Astrid and Wulf cared too much for Caleb to hurt him, now that they were no longer in a situation where it was required of them.

“Moral of the story,” Beauregard said, already three cups in. “Caleb’s got game.”

“I really do not,” Caleb said flatly.

“Real recognises real, Caleb, and you’re lookin’ real familiar.”

Caleb sighed, relieved that Luc was preoccupied with a puzzle cube he had brought the Brenattos last time he was in town. “We have talked about this before.”

“Yeah, but it’s different in front of Marion. She knows what I’m talking about.”

Marion chuckled softly behind her hand. “Indeed I do.”

“Caleb’s a loving guy, if you know what I mean,” said Jester, and her eyebrow waggle was too much for him to bear. Caleb did not stop loving people, and while it was easier to deal with his feelings for Jester now they were both in stable, happy relationships, there would always be an edge for Caleb. A point where he had to step back.

Kingsley, also quite drunk at this point, was biting his lip while he watched Caleb. “Oh, really?” The flirting from Kingsley was far easier to handle, even if the ghost of Molly made any joy bittersweet.

“That’s quite enough, I think,” said Essek. Gods, Caleb was both relieved and terrified by how well the man could read him these days.

Kingsley and Jester both pouted, and Caleb pounded back his glass of wine so he didn’t have to look at them.

Later, as Caleb carried Luc through the nighttime streets alongside Essek, Veth and Yeza, Essek tugged gently on his sleeve.

“Maybe this is a bad time,” Essek said quietly, tilting his head to check that Luc was asleep. He was. “And I do not expect answers you do not wish to give. But, may I ask you something?”

Caleb glanced ahead, where Veth had grabbed Yeza’s ass; they weren’t listening to this conversation. “All right.”

“I know the nature of our circumstances means we cannot be together all the time,” Essek said quietly. “I had a… proposal, I suppose. I don’t know how to word it, or if you will be insulted. But I notice you are very…” He cleared his throat. “What the fuck am I saying? You are a sexual person, and I enjoy that very much about you. And while we are together, I am happy for us both to fulfill our needs with each other.”

“But?” Caleb had not fully recovered from Jester and Kingsley at the Chateau.

“Well, I was wondering. You know I do not experience attraction as often as you do. That I need to be close to someone, and I am close to very few people. You are the first in many years to have caught my interest in this way. But I know it’s not the same for you.”

“Essek, I love you, but please get to the point.”

“Right.” Essek chuckled, and it was out of sheer discomfort. “I just wanted to say, that if you choose to scratch that, ah, itch while I am not around, I would be okay with that.”

Caleb didn’t know what he had expected from Essek, but certainly not that. “Oh. Um. Good to know.”

Essek glanced around in the dark, evidently found nothing of concern, and kissed Caleb’s cheek. “You are still my priority in that department. And I want to remain yours as well.”

“You are.”

“Good. There will be times when we are apart for a long time. You are still mine, through all of it, but I don’t mind if you, ah, take your pleasures as you need them.”

“That is… generous.” Caleb’s mind was not coping with this conversation at all. “I will… think about it.”

The Brenatto home came into view at that point, and Caleb was relieved that it effectively ended this discussion. Caleb had never really talked about it, but he had also never hidden from Essek the fact he had a lot of feelings for many people going at any one time. Essek came first. Always. And he wasn’t sure if he would ever take Essek up on the offer to invite someone else into his bed in Essek’s absence. But it was good of him to say.

He felt seen, in a strange way. Even though Essek was firmly monogamous, and extremely demisexual, he understood Caleb better than most.

So, as long as Essek wasn’t being self-sacrificing by offering this, Caleb was grateful for it. Even if he never acted on it. He couldn’t think about it right now. Probably wouldn’t for a long time. And if he did think about it, he certainly would not be doing that while Essek was very much within his reach, rendering the offer irrelevant.

They stepped inside the house after Veth and Yeza, and offered to watch Luc for a while. Though no one said anything explicitly for fear of Luc waking and hearing the conversation, it had evidently been some time since Veth and Yeza had been intimate together.

So Caleb and Essek sat in the sitting room for a while, quietly working on their respective studies, with Luc napping in Caleb’s arms.