#how was i going to convince anyone - and especially myself - that this could become a healthy relationship again for the both of them? | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

fbfh · 1 year ago

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Sweet Pea x soft!reader hcs

wc: 1.3k

genre: mutual pining, tooth rotting fluff

pairing: sweet pea x soft reader

warnings: reader is implied to be smaller than sweet pea but he's like 6'3 and beefy so it's not too out of the question, reader is called clingy needs attention and hates being alone by jughead but sweet pea LOVES that about you, size difference, protective sweet pea, sweet pea is a rottweiler boyfriend, kisses and cuddles, mentions of fighting and gang activity

song recs: fight for me - heathers obc, big boy - sza

a/n: been watching the anime my love story and it's feuling my sweet pea obsession lol. I've also decided that while horribly bad, riverdale is camp. If I convince myself it's camp I can drag myself through it. It's supposed to be bad and make no sense and of course there's a "goblin king" running around town causing problems because it's camp.

tags: @yesv01 @magcon7280

Okay so like I said in my initial drabble

When Sweet Pea first sees you he deadass thinks you’re an angel

You are so sweet and soft and perfect

The only way to describe you is angelic

He’s so wrapped up in how alluring and enamoring you are that he doesn’t notice you’re just as drawn to him

You immediately see past his gorgeous and intimidating exterior to the soft great big heart inside him

You see all his good traits and you’re not scared off that he’s a little rough around the edges

But Sweet Pea sees that you’re not rough around the edges

And he doesn’t want you to become that way

Especially not because of him

He feels so protective over you from day one

Even though he’s fighting his obvious feelings for you and ignoring your obvious feelings for him, he still tries to look out for you

Keeps an eye on you a little, just to make sure no one’s giving you any trouble

You’re friends with Betty so you’re sort of tied to the serpents already, but he doesn’t want to drag you any deeper into gang life than you already are

So he tries not to fall any harder for you than he already has

Even though Jughead is always bringing you up, telling him that Betty says you’ve been asking after him

He can’t even process that Jughead just said you’ve been asking after him and about him a lot because of how Jughead keeps describing you

He says you’re sort of clingy and need a lot of attention, that you get nervous in crowds and you’re really touchy and hate being alone

That’s why your last boyfriend broke up with you

But the more Jughead talks about you and your apparent flaws, the more perfect you sound to Sweet Pea

You’re exactly what he’s been dreaming of

Someone he can go all in with, someone who wants him and needs him as much as he wants you and needs you

Which is obviously a lot

And now it’s getting harder and harder to listen to that logical voice that tells him he’s no good for you, that you deserve someone from northside who can take good care of you and not drag you into any more chaos than you’re already surrounded by

But you’ve been writing his name in your diary over and over for weeks now, and it’s really just a matter of time before you end up together

All your friends know this

Betty and Jughead and Toni know this

Even Fangs knows this

Everyone knows but you and Sweet Pea

You both still think it’s an unreciprocated pipe dream

Something to imagine scenarios about before you fall asleep

You’re more alike than you realize

But soon you find your way to each other

You just can’t stay away anymore

And once you’re together, once you’re finally in his arms, neither of you ever want to let go

Sweet Pea is an amazing boyfriend to begin with

But especially when it comes to someone as soft and sweet and precious as you?????

He’s literally the best person you could ever hope for

He’s a classic rottweiler boyfriend

AND he’s a gang boyfriend

Plus Sweet Pea’s just naturally a very protective person to the people he loves

So you can guarantee you’ll be safe with him

He won’t hesitate to stare down anyone he thinks looks at you too long

But he’s not going to start shit with you around unless he has to

If he does need to fight someone, he’s going to make sure you’re not there to see it

Even if he has to ask Betty or Veronica or Fangs to drag you into the other room and stay with you until it’s over

He doesn’t want you to see him like that

But he knows how to hold his own, and Fangs and Toni both reassure you there’s not a fight he hasn’t been able to walk away from

You’re always there to patch him up afterwards too

You touch him so gently

With more love and care and tenderness than he’s ever gotten from anyone before

It makes it kind of impossible to regret sticking up for you

Even if he did walk away with some nasty scratches and a black eye

You’re still not scared of him

You don’t judge him

Like at all

He always makes you feel so safe around him

All he’s wanted for a while is someone to go all in with

Someone to protect, someone to take care of

Someone who needs him

And you do

You spend more and more nights together before finally confessing that you can’t really sleep without him anymore

When I tell you his heart explodes when you say that?????

God as if you couldn’t get him wrapped even tighter around your finger

Surprise! Yes you can

He dips you a lot too

Mostly because he’s so tall and it’s so easy and it makes you so nervous when he pulls you close and leans over you like that

It makes you all dizzy and he talks so close to your face for a few moments before finally kissing you

GOD it makes your head spin

You can’t get enough

And he can’t get enough of the way you look up at him all soft and sweet

Like you’re not scared of him

Which you’re not

It’s still kind of new for him

But it’s something he really hopes he can get used to

He’s touchy too

He pulls you into his lap and rests his head on your shoulder a lot

Or wraps his arms around yours

Don’t even get me started on holding his big old hands with both of yours

It makes his stomach flip every single time

And SO MANY FOREHEAD KISSES

You kiss his neck and jaw a lot too

Mostly because it’s all you can reach half the time

And because you know it drives him completely crazy

If you ever worried about getting unwanted attention from guys, you don’t have to anymore

EVERYBODY knows you’re Sweet Pea’s

And EVERYBODY knows not to fuck with him

Sweet Pea can be fucking terrifying when he wants to

Which makes things like him pinning you to the couch and tickling you until you tap out and you’re both blushing giggly wrecks even cuter

You completely and totally have scary boyfriend privileges

And you take such good care of him too

He really doesn’t think he’s ever been this happy and content and at peace

His friends can easily attest to the fact that they’ve never seen him this happy either

And your friends have never seen you this happy too

Over all, you’re really just a fantastic match

You become the emotional support couple of riverdale high so fast

People get used to seeing him walk you to classes he doesn’t even have

Seeing you ride around town on the back of his motorcycle together

Because you belong together

You really do

Sweet Pea might not know what the future is going to look like

He might not know what’s going to happen tomorrow

But the only thing he does know about his future is that you’re going to be in it

And he’s going to be in yours

You’re starting to make him dream about a soft domestic life away from gangs and murder and conspiracies

He doesn’t know if that’s practical or attainable, but he hopes it is

Until then, he’s more than happy just getting to be around you

Getting to see you all the time and wake up next to each other on the weekends

He loves loving you, he loves keeping you safe and happy

Just like you love him and keep him happier than he’s ever been

Just being with you is more than enough

#sweet pea #sweet pea x reader #sweet pea headcanons #riverdale #riverdale x reader #riverdale headcanons #I want sweet pea to manhandle me tbh

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wintervalewritersecond · 2 years ago

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siren song || - xavier thorpe

requested: yes! requests: open! second part of siren song! the third part is also out, check my masterlist! ^^

A/N: thank you for the love on siren song! to read part one, click here! i hope you enjoy this part <3 i had to rewrite this considering i accidentally deleted it :')

wordcount: 4.736 warnings: xavier being a bad friend, curse words, slight memory loss, incorrect information about siren song probably, use of weed.

After finally convincing Bianca to use her Siren Song, you get some well-deserved peace in your head. How long does it take for Xavier to notice the changes?

"What?"

The question catches Bianca off guard, not something that happens a lot. Tears are staining your face as you sniff, trying to not start sobbing again.

"Hey, it's okay. Come in."

Her arm is placed on your shoulders as she guides you into her room, placing you on her bed before grabbing her desk chair, sitting next to you.

"What has gotten you so upset?"

You look down at your hands, biting your cheeks as you nervously fiddle with your fingers. You feel embarrassed to sit here, crying in the dorm of your friend that used to be Xaviers girlfriend, but you didn't know anyone that would know how you feel. No one except for Bianca.

"I think Xavier hates me."

"What?" Bianca exclaims shocked. "Why do you think that?"

If there is one thing that Bianca was sure of, it was that Xavier is completely infatuated with you. Even during their relationship, he still made sure to spend some time with you, and Bianca never cared. She trusted both of you, as you became her friend when the relationship was going on. When the couple broke up, your friendship watered down a bit, but you were still both friendly.

"We just had a fight," you whisper. "He never yelled at me like that. Never."

She hands you a tissue, breathing in deeply.

"He has been ignoring me for weeks. He became so obsessed with Wednesday that he did not have any time for me. She- she asked him to the Rave'n and then he found out that she just used him," you ramble. "I asked him to come with me, not even as a real date, but just so he wouldn't be alone. And then he totally ditched me there the second Wednesday came in. The worst thing is, she doesn't even like him. She told me."

How stupid can a boy be? Bianca grits her teeth, shaking her head.

"He is dumb. If there is one thing that he should do, it's to get his head straight. I can't believe that he would do this. Especially after all you have done for him!"

"What if I just become more like Wednesday? I- I can braid my hair? I will even learn to play the cello. He- He said that she was better than me... That I just bother him. Am I too obsessed or- or annoying?"

Even Bianca's heart breaks at that point. The tears are rolling down your face again as you still don't dare to look up at her.

"Am I really that bad of a friend?"

"No!" Bianca immediately responds. "No, Y/N, if anything, you are a great friend. Too good for him. You don't need to be Wednesday to be better. I think she is too emotionless for her own good."

"I wish I was that way," you sigh. "Please, Bianca. If I tell you that I really want it, can you really not use your Song?"

Bianca takes a deep breath, her leg bouncing up and down. Her eyes fall down to the amulet around her neck. It is very against the rules to use her Siren Song, it is something that could get her in a lot of trouble. But, at the same time, she knows exactly how you feel. Xavier is just someone who deserves love, yet he doesn't know how to act around it when someone is literally handing it to him on a silver plate.

Her heart tells her to help you, to give you everything you deserve, but she knows that she also needs to think about the possible consequences. Though your grades have been slipping and your mood has been down for a while now as well. So many factors.

"Y/N, I really don't know."

"What if I consent to it? Surely that must be fine. I- I will sign a contract, even. Write it myself. I- Even only thinking about doing this for me would already be enough."

You must genuinely sound so annoying now, but you know that this will help.

"Why won't you try talking to Kinbott first?"

"I just need something... Something that will work immediately. A Siren Song can always be undone, right?"

"I'm not sure about that," Bianca grimaces. "It's hard, Y/N. I promise you that I will think about it. Just... Try and get some rest, okay?"

You had spent the rest of the weekend laying in bed, napping or reading, and sometimes you would head to the Quad to get something to eat. Kent made sure to try and cheer you up, which did work to an extent. You appreciate having a friend like that.

Even from the distance you sit at now, you can still see the figure of Wednesday Addams, sitting alone at her table while writing something down in her notebook. Ajax waves Xavier over to get him to sit at your table but is quickly rejected as the long-haired boy decides to sit with Wednesday. She looks up with the deadliest of looks, though it doesn't seem to phase him at all. Can't he see?

Bianca looks out from the second level of the Quad, spotting both you and Xavier. Not one word is exchanged, though your body language speaks for itself. Your shoulders are slumped and even though Kent tries his hardest to make you laugh, it isn't enough.

Seeing you so upset about someone who doesn't deserve it makes her feel bad. Even in her relationship, she felt like you were more important to Xavier, and that is something she just... Accepted. She never blamed you for it, as Bianca could never really trust Xavier either. But the feelings he has for you are totally real.

After that dinner, you retired back to your room. Yoko would be hanging out with Divina anyway. Just as you let yourself fall on your bed, you hear a knock on the door.

"Coming!"

You kick your bag underneath your bed before walking up to the door, opening it to reveal a Bianca behind it.

"I will only do it after you agree to all the consequences."

She walks in as you close the door behind her, trailing after her.

"You're serious?"

"You deserve to have some peace, Y/N. God knows I wish someone could have done this for me when I was in your situation. I will tell you every consequence," Bianca looks at you sternly. "And I have some conditions."

"Yeah- Yeah totally."

Bianca sits down at your desk, handing you a pen and paper.

"You are to write down that you agree with the Siren Song. I can't just use it whenever I want. Principal Weems will have my head if she finds out."

"Anything, Bianca."

You start writing, still listening to the siren as she explains everything.

"I can genuinely not say if I am able to undo the Song. There is a high likelihood that it will not return to you and Xavier being best friends. I also do not know what to do if this news ever reaches Weems. No one knows that we are planning to do this, no one except for us."

"I promise you, I will take all the blame," you nod, a weak smile on your face. "It is the least I can do."

"Are you sure you want to do this?" She looks at you, her eyebrows stuck in a frown. "It's not something small. You deserve much better than how Xavier acts now."

"I- Yeah. I thought about it all day yesterday. I just... I want to. I promise."

You hand her the paper in neatly written handwriting.

I, Y/N Y/L/N, fully consent to the use of the Siren Song by Bianca Barcley. I have willingly agreed to be under the influence of the song for as long as I wish. All punishments that are given for using the Siren Song are punishments I will take over. Bianca Barcley is not to be lectured nor punished for her actions.

Underneath it is your handwriting, together with the date of today. Bianca takes a deep breath, nodding as she reads it over and over again.

"What exactly... Is it that you want me to do? You just... Want to forget him?"

You nod.

"I was thinking that... I don't want to be scared of him, I just want to stay out of his way. If that makes any sense?"

"Xavier Thorpe will be the one you forget, from now on his name will stop sounding in your head," Bianca mutters, trying to practice whatever she will say. "Distance is something that you will keep, he will not be the reason as to why you... Weep?"

You will forget Xavier, make sure to keep your distance, and not cry over him. You do feel guilty for making Bianca use the Siren Song on you, but in your eyes, it feels like the only way out.

"I think you will just return to how it was before you met Xavier," she then nods. "I will try to make sure that you will not get too close to him again, but I can't promise anything. If you have feelings for him now, you might just... Start liking him all over again."

"I just need to forget," you say, handing the handwritten note to Bianca. "Thank you so much, Bianca."

"This might be the first time I feel guilty for using it," she laughs nervously. "But, you deserve it. Truly. Xavier just needs to get his act straight. He loves you, he's just dumb."

You don't fully believe her. You want to, but you can't. You truly thought that he liked you back, that he was also interested in you. But now you were not even sure if he liked you as a friend anymore.

"Ready? You will probably be sleepy after this."

Trembling hands and nervous sighs.

"As ready as I'll ever be."

Bianca nods, pulling the necklace off of her neck. She closes her eyes, holding your hands in hers.

"Xavier Thorpe will be the one you forget, from now on his name will stop sounding in your head. Distance is something that you will keep, he will not be the reason as to why you weep."

You had woken up with a slight headache. Your limbs are still sore from the Rave'n dance, but that can't stop you. Not that you remember a lot of it; they must have spiked the drinks. You pick up your bag from under the bed, emptying it out before filling it with everything you need for the day. After finally finding all your books, pens, and notebooks, you exit your room.

"Hi, guys!"

With a big smile, you greet your friends, plopping down in between Kent and Bianca. You had gotten a sandwich from the dining hall, trying to get some breakfast in before your first class.

"Good morning, sleepyhead," Kent snickers. "You're up before me most of the time."

You shrug, taking a bite of your sandwich.

"I was so tired," you mumble, wiping your mouth with the napkin. "I'm still sore from all the dancing!"

Ajax and Enid soon also join the table as Enid huffs.

"I feel like the paint is still in my hair," she complains. "I mean, it was a good post for my blog, but that dress was my favorite dress ever! "

You let out a chuckle, closing the sandwich container before placing the leftovers in your bag. Yes, the paint was a pain to get out of your hair and your dress has also been stained, but the rest of the evening went splendidly.

After fifteen minutes, the first bell rings, signaling that classes are to start in only five minutes. You sling your backpack onto your back before standing up from the table.

"You ready for Botany?" Bianca smirks.

"Well," you sigh. "Can I use your notes? I can't find any of mine from the last three weeks. I don't know what I did during class, but I know that there is a test coming up and this is not my best subject."

Bianca's smile falters for a second, realizing that you really don't remember a lot about Xavier anymore.

"Yeah, you can sit with me. Might be the easiest anyway."

You nod, entering the class as you greet miss Thornhill. She had already placed some strange plants in the front of the classroom as other students slowly entered the classroom.

Some students already picked a spot, including Wednesday. She is placed next to another person, hair to his shoulders and a frown on his face.

"Good morning, Wednesday!"

You sit down on the opposite side of Bianca as she and the boy sit between you and Wednesday.

He feels familiar. It is almost like he was in a dream. Like you accidentally bumped into him once or twice, only seeing him in your classroom once in a while. It's like the lingering smell of perfume when someone walks past you, or when you see a half-erased line of pencils on a page. He is mesmerizing, yet extremely intimidating. It is almost like you can't rip your eyes off of him, but you are also too scared to keep looking.

Bianca gives you a look before placing her notebook in front of you, making sure that you can read all of it as Thornhill starts talking. You try to write down all she says, making small sketches of the flowers and plants she shows while also trying to write down all the notes from the last few weeks.

"Alright, so, I will be expecting the essays about the Ghost Orchid and at least two more carnivorous plants. No maximum amount of words, but at least 450 words per plant."

Thank God for Bianca's notes. Without those, you would have actually failed this.

"I think I'm going to be doing my homework in the Nightshade library," you whisper to the girl. "I really need to get started on this."

After writing down the last few sentences, you drop your pen. Your hand is cramping from all the writing and your fingers are covered in ink. Only Biology and one hour of fencing left and after that, you were going to sit with the Choir Club, even though you're not a member. You would often hang out with them, sitting on a bench nearby while waiting for your friends to finish. You yourself were actually in the Art Club, but you tend to hang out with other clubs on days that you didn't have any.

A small break after Botany, just long enough to grab a hot drink from the dining hall before getting dressed in your fencing suit again.

"Bianca? You want to team up?"

She raises an eyebrow, smirking while grabbing a saber, switching it from hand to hand.

"I thought you would never ask."

"I can use some competition. And improvement."

Bianca won. Not once, not twice, but five times. You groan as you end up on the floor again, the tip of the saber pointing to your chest. You hold up your hand before pushing yourself up.

"We get it," you let out a laugh before pulling the mask off of your head. "I'm going to need a break."

She holds out her hand, helping you get up before taking her own mask off. The two of you walk towards one of the small wooden benches that sit against the wall of the room, grabbing a bottle of water before cracking it open, and taking big sips.

Everyone else is still training, the clanking of sabers and the sound of shoes against the mats filling up the classroom. You let out a big sigh, pushing some strands of hair out of your face.

"I don't know if I will ever fight you again," you mumble.

"You're getting better," Bianca laughs, closing the bottle back up. "I have seen worse."

You look at everyone around you, some also taking off their masks to catch their breath as Coach walks around, giving out tips and advice where needed.

The boy with the long hair is here again, yet you still don't know where you know him from. Bianca sneakily looks at you, blinking before looking at Xavier. He acted like you weren't even there as he just fenced against Ajax. She does still think the two of you fit together like two pieces of a puzzle, but Xavier first needs to figure himself out. She knows he likes you; it is clear as day. But as long as he acts like this, he doesn't deserve you. Not at all.

Has he always just been in the background? It is like a ghost, you know that you have seen him, yet you don't know where or when.

"One more round?"

"I think I'll be heading to the library now," you tell Bianca. "I genuinely don't know what happened these last few weeks, but I am behind on all my homework."

Half of the Choir Club time has passed as they rehearsed their songs for Outreach Day. They were to perform when the new statue in the town square was going to be revealed. But you had more than enough homework to do.

"I might join you later," she sighs. "Some quiet would be nice."

You tell your friends goodbye before slinging your bag over your shoulder, hurrying down the Quad and into the small hidden hallway leading to the Poe statue. With two snaps you get in, making sure that the entrance is closed off again before going down the stairs.

Nice and quiet.

After around forty-five minutes, you hear some more rumbling. Ah, Bianca must be here. You have gotten a lot of work done, actually. The Ghost Orchid part of your essay is already done, now moving on to the Crimson Pitch plant.

"Hey, Bianca!"

The footsteps descend the stairs, but the figure does not belong to Bianca. The tall guy with long hair walks into the library, the one that felt like he lived somewhere in your memory. Your eyes grow big as you immediately throw everything back in your bag. You didn't know that he was a Nightshade as well.

You close your bag hurriedly. Something about him is so intimidating, but he is absolutely mesmerizing at the same time. Why are you so afraid of him? When walking out you accidentally bump into him.

"Sorry," you quickly mumble, running up the stairs before he can even reply.

Bianca is cleaning up when you get out of the library, so you run up to her. Luckily she is still there.

"Can I do my homework in your room? Yoko was inviting some friends to my dorm and..." You look around, making sure no one is around them. "That guy showed up again. The new one."

Bianca clenches her teeth, grabbing the last few papers before stuffing them in her bag, taking your arm to take you up into her room. She can't have Xavier mess this all up. You haven't been this happy in weeks.

You sit down against her bed, laptop on your lap as you are typing away. But the words are getting stuck, the same sentence being rewritten multiple times before finally getting one that slightly makes sense.

"Is he new?"

Bianca turns around on her chair, looking at you.

"Who?"

"The guy with long hair. He was in the Nightshade library. I- I didn't know if he was supposed to be in there because I wasn't sure if he was in our group."

Why does he have to be there at the exact same time as you? It almost makes the Siren Song useless. You might avoid him as much as you can, but he isn't under the spell.

"He's new."

"He's kinda pretty."

Bianca scoffs.

"Pretty weird. It might be best to stay out of his way, he needs to work on himself before making new... friends."

Xavier groans, dropping his bag on the floor. You had been fully ignoring him, but to be fair, he totally deserved it. He had noticed you sneaking into the library and his plan was to try and talk to you, but you had fled before he could get one word in.

He had called Ajax, asking him to come down to the library as soon as he could. Xavier spent some time sitting in the room, biting on his lips while bouncing his leg up and down. He really, really fucked up.

Rumbling of stones and footsteps.

Ajax shows up, slightly out of breath. He had ran here from his dorm. Xavier said that there was a big problem and if he was needed in the Nightshade library, it would probably be huge.

"What's up, man?"

"I fucked up," Xavier runs his hands over his face. "Like, really bad."

The Gorgon frowns, looking at his friend. Xavier looks stressed out, more than usual. His hair is messy, his eyes are red and he has big eyebags underneath his eyes.

"What did you do?"

The artist breathes in shakily, pacing around the room while fiddling with his hands.

"I have been a total asshole to Y/N," he mumbles. "I left her at the Rave'n, drenched in that paint, and then she went up to visit me. I wasn't only a horrible date, but I was an even worse friend."

"Xavier?" Ajax asks yet again. "What did you do?"

Xavier breathes out roughly, blinking while pursing his lips. He is too ashamed to say it, but he needs to tell someone. He needs someone to set him straight.

"I treated her like shit. I told her Wednesday was better than she is."

His friend gasps, looking at his friend almost disgusted. How could he have said that to her? After all those nights of the artist hanging out in Ajax's dorm, him smoking some weed while listening to his friend blabber on about how much he liked you, and then he does this?

"What the fuck? Xavier, you have liked her for years, why would you say that?!"

Xavier rubs his eyes. If anyone is disappointed, it's him. He was so in his head that he took it all out on you. Wednesday isn't better than you. He has liked you for the longest time now, and this just messed it all up. Xavier his mental health has been declining, especially now that he is also suspected of being some type of monster. But that isn't your fault. None of it is. You have always, always been there for him, and he just swept you to the side.

"I'm going to be honest, dude," Ajax looks at his friend. "I am really disappointed in you."

"As you should be," Xavier whispers.

"I'll help."

Xavier looks up, kind of shocked. For some reason, he expected Ajax to just abandon Xavier in the library, leaving him to fend for himself.

"Only if you promise to never do this again. Go to Kinbott more, try and talk about your feelings. Y/N never cared, you could show up crying at her dorm at three am and she would make sure that you're fine before she even thinks of going to sleep."

"Ajax- Thank you so much."

"Yeah, yeah. Just try to talk to her. I'm serious, Xavier. You might be my best friend, but this is not cool."

For the last two weeks, Xavier had tried to talk to you on multiple occasions. He even sat at your table, though Kent and Bianca were hovering around you, not even letting Xavier get one word in.

During Botany he tried to draw a butterfly, making it float in the air before it quickly gets swatted away by Bianca who just gives Xavier a disgusted stare.

During Fencing he walked up to you, wanting to ask you to train with him like you usually did, but you quickly darted away once you saw him coming for you.

He went down to the Nightshade library to wait for you, yet you never came.

What he did do was 'accidentally' bump into you. He would calculate when he had to stand up to go to class. The first thing you would put in your bag was your notebook, followed by your pencil case. After that you would close the zipper; his sign to stand up. After swinging the bag on your shoulder, you would walk off.

You accidentally bump into someone's back, making the bottle of water that they had in their hand fall.

"Oh, I'm so sorry!"

As you go to pick it up and give it back, you see the boy again. The boy that appeared in your dreams as if they were faint memories. The boy reminded you of ink splatters and the smell of freshly painted walls.

You quickly hand him the bottle, excusing yourself before finding your way to a picnic table again. He makes you nervous, and you don't know in what way. Bianca warned you for him, so all you could do was listen.

In your room, you had a collection of handwritten notes, asking you to meet up in the Nightshade library. You never did. Once you showed them to Bianca, she immediately shook her head.

"I don't know what else to do," Xavier furrows his eyebrows, "She just doesn't want to talk to me. I don't blame her for not wanting to, but sometimes she even completely ignores me. As if she doesn't even know my name. I tried everything."

Ajax takes a hit of his joint, his eyes tinted red before he blows it out of the window. The moon is lighting up Nevermore, its stars shining around it.

"Everything?"

"Yeah," Xavier responds. "I tried to talk to her, give her notes, even accidentally bumped into her. But, Bianca and Kent are just acting like bodyguards to her."

"If you want, I can try to talk to her tomorrow."

"You would do that?"

"Yeah," the Gorgon shrugs. "She still talks to me sometimes. Hanging out in the Quad after classes. I'll let you know how it went."

"Y/N! Hey!"

Ajax runs up to you, a big smile on his face before he pulls his beanie back down.

"Ajax! It is nice to see you again."

"What are your plans for today?"

Hm, what were your plans? You did really want to go to the Weathervane to get a drink, but considering it is a Thursday, you weren't too sure. There are no shuttle buses today, and walking in the chilly weather for twenty-five minutes didn't sound too appealing.

"I have some homework I still need to do. I was thinking of going to the Nightshade library to study. Want to join?"

The boy eagerly shakes his head, following you through the hall and down the stairs. The small table gets filled with books, pens, and notebooks. Ajax didn't really take a lot of homework, but he did provide some snacks.

The two of you talked about all different types of things. How he was planning on asking out Enid, how you expected Outreach Day to go, which homework you were doing, and much more.

"Can I maybe ask you something personal?"

You hum, looking up from your paper.

"Of course."

"I was just wondering," he awkwardly laughs. "What happened at the Rave'n?"

"I have no idea," you shrug. "I think there were some Normies who set off the sprinklers. All I know is that my dress is still stained and that, whatever it was, really burned my eyes."

Ajax frowns, what are you talking about?

"Yeah, no, I was there. One beanie destroyed," he chuckles. "But I meant more like... After the Rave'n. What happened?"

It is your turn to be confused.

"Well... I showered, tried to wash the stains out of my clothes, and then hung out with Bianca."

Do you just really not remember?

"What? No, Y/N, I mean... What happened with you and Xavier?"

Even more confusion spreads on your face as you put your pen down on the paper. What is he talking about? All you did was dance, drink punch, took a break, danced more, and then went to clean yourself from the sticky red paint. And who is he talking about?

"Who is Xavier?"

------------------------

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#xavier thorpe #xavier thorpe x reader #xavier thorpe imagine #xavier thorpe one shot #wednesday imagine #wednesday oneshot #request

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st4rhwa · 10 months ago

Text

𝗥𝗘𝗖𝗬𝗖𝗟𝗘𝗗 𝗦𝗧𝗔𝗥𝗗𝗨𝗦𝗧 k. hj

김홍중 | playboy!kim hongjoong x afab!reader smut, light angst, fluff

synopsis: much like recycled stardust, no matter how far you drift from hongjoong, you'll always find your way back into his arms.

cw: university!au, deliberate lower case, smut, angst, fluffy ending, reader has feminine attributes, ex boyfie joong, push-and-pull kind of relationship, it's not toxicity i promise, hongjoong's a little bit ooc, brief mentions of alcohol/drugs, making out, pet names (baby, princess, joong(ie)), empty threats

wc: 5.7k

𝗮/𝗻: first tumblr fic ! this might be kind of messy ?? i'm still in the learning process of everything lol inspired by: i'm yours (isabel larosa)

sw: unprotected sex, switch!joong, switch! reader, desperate make up sex/kind of hate sex?, praise kink, unprotected sex, creampie, oral (f receiving), overstimulation, multiple orgasms, i really did try to start this blog off with a soft fic but i couldn't help myself

"-you'll come, right?"

just a normal interaction, is what you kept telling yourself. it's nothing special, nowhere near the sort. just a conversation. nothing out of the ordinary.

that's what it would have been if kim hongjoong, your ex boyfriend, hadn't been the one to stop you in the middle of the road to convince you it'd be a good idea to attend his party next saturday. because i mean come on. sex? alcohol? ket? shrooms? please. that's child's play.

but how he's so relaxed around you cognisant of the long history the two of you share, you'll never know.

"i would but.." your witless muttering isn't doing anything for you other than digging your grave. his keen gaze makes your palms sweat; is it the comical height difference or the general attention he seems to be adamant to give you?

"come on," he whines. "i could convince anyone else in the world other than you to go. why do you always make it so difficult?" "not my thing," you should know that, is what you would have liked to add. "sorry." making tracks however, obviously wasn't justifiable in his books. immediately reaching for your wrist, you don't make it much further than two steps before he locks you back in his gaze.

"come on, y/n," "i don't-" "please? i'd really like you to be there." your eyes snap up to his, and the way he looks at you so enticingly makes you want to crawl up into a ball and die.

you hate the fact that he has you in the palm of his hand. especially because he knows it too.

"my ass." you mumble, shoving past another group of people. you're sweating, trying to weave yourself through the crowds of intoxicated young adults mingling, drinking and swaying to the music. you hate it. you hate it so much it's unbearable.

your friends squeeze you into a mini dress and cake you in makeup, just to leave you five minutes into the party to fuck some junkie they'll never talk to ever again. and kim hongjoong? he's nowhere to be found.

your entire being reverberates in time with the heavy bass line of whatever fusion afro beats were playing in the living room. in times like these, the kitchen becomes your safe haven; surrounded by countless bottles of alcohol for you to mix and match as you wish, only seeing the occasional person enter who'd greet you and refill their cup.

you wince when you begin to find the music has become much more bass accelerated, and you decide you need a breather. you would have guessed hongjoong would have retreated upstairs with a girl by now. you guess wrong, however, when your eyes briefly meet his in the midst of the sea of bodies.

his eyes are wide, puppy like, vivid colours reflecting in his pupils. he looks at you expectantly, ignoring the people trying to catch his recognition left and right. he opens his mouth, as if about to say something, before a girl tugs on his arm, sidetracking his attention again.

you keep your head low, shaking it as you run a hand through your hair. you make it through the living room, the foyer through to the dining room, and make a quick move to lock yourself in the bathroom noticing it's vacancy.

the door acts as a soundproof wall, concealing you from all the commotion, the chaos. what was the point of showing up anyway? you had false hope - nothing was going to happen between the two of you even if you got down on your hands and knees and begged.

in truth, kim hongjoong is a coward. it doesn't matter how hard he tries to deny it, it's simply his thing. he makes a move, poised and mighty. but once the conviction begins to fade he shrivels into nothing more than a drop in the ocean, and hides his uneasiness by picking up another side chick. one moment he loves you, the next, he doesn't.

you shake your head, hands resting on either side of the sink. your heart is racing rapidly, and you feel pathetic. you feel pathetic because you know that your cheeks are red because of him. your palpitating heart is because of him. your thighs pressing together is all because of him.

you hate him, is what you keep telling yourself. you hate him and his reckless actions, his arrogance, his popularity, his likeability, his devilish smile, his handsome face, his perfect body- fuck. that's not it. you don't hate him. you hate how much you love him, how deeply you fell for his charms.

your index finger drags along your aegyo sal, wiping away smudged mascara and eyeliner. your eyes settle in the mirror dragging over your worn expression, and you sigh. it'd probably be best if you left before it got too late.

you jump slightly when there are a few desperate bangs at the door. "c'mon! gotta fuckin' piss-" you snatch your phone from the shelf, frantically unlocking the door and pushing it open, running off before you could face any confrontation.

maybe you were just a coward too.

you immediately approach the adjacent door which leads to the garden. reaching for the handle, you swing it open and slam it closed behind you before anyone else could follow. your back rests against the cool glass, and you exhale softly, finally being able to find some peace and quiet in the midst of the clamour.

you catch your breath, pulling out your phone from your back pocket and opening it to call an uber.

"i was almost convinced you weren't gonna show."

your eyes clamp shut. make it a nightmare. make it some sort of weird twisted dream. maybe someone spiked your drink - perhaps you were just hallucinating.

you blink once, twice, before hongjoong's index finger catches your chin. "hey. look at me." you can barely pick out his features, the dim lights emitting from the inside of his dining room just barely illuminating his cheekbones. "stop-.. running, from me.." he sighs out at the sight of your uncomfortable facial expression, thumb brushing against your bottom lip. he continues, before you can stop to think, "i try to talk to you, we give it a go, you regret ever giving it a go and run off, and this whole cycle repeats itself." his hands drift to your shoulders, down your sides before finding welfare on your hips. "and i don't think that's fair.."

his soft and rich tone makes your shoulders relax, and your head leans back, gently bumping against the door. "talk to me." you pull yourself together and shake your head, pushing him off you. "you talk like it's just me doing all the running. that's pretty ballsy coming from you," the way he looks at you tells you he knows that. better than anyone else. "and why does it matter anyway. go back inside, it's your party. bet your side chick's already waiting for you."

to your dismay, his hands reach for you again. he ignores your snarky comments, hands coming up to cup your cheeks, forehead bumping against yours. his eyes are large; doe-like. they're nothing short of innocent, but you're not blind to the small flames kindling within his pupils.

"i want to know why you're ignoring me. why you've stopped loving me so abruptly." his eyes fall shut and his eyelashes tickle your forehead. "otherwise i might have to make you tell me.." he tilts his head ever so slightly, soft, pillowy lips brushing against yours. "hongjoong.." your voice only comes out in the form of a whisper, and it makes hongjoong nod softly. "shh baby.. i've got you, it's okay."

"i don't-" "what happened, y/n? just abruptly telling me you're breaking up with me and then avoiding me for weeks on end isn't you. you're better than this!" "you're not right for me, hongjoong!" shit. that came out wrong. like that, the flames in his pupils douse. hongjoong's shoulders droop and his hands fall, but his eyes stay glued to yours. "no," you shake your head, rephrasing. "i'm not right for you."

"what makes- what makes you say that?" "listen to me closely, hongjoong." he wished you'd use his name in a brighter light. "i'm not right for you." "you're repeating the same shit but you're not telling me what it fucking means!" he rips away from you, a hand tugging through his hair. "what the fuck happened?! i thought we were doing well i-, i made sure you knew i loved you and i tried to make time for you-" "that's my problem! you're too busy- you've got no time for me! you've got dance, singing, producing, all these fucking parties! where does that leave me? does it make me love you any less? no! but i can't afford to be neglected by you!"

hongjoong's mouth opens and closes like a fish, trying to wrack his brain for something- anything! but deep down he knows you're right. he's busy, he can barely catch a break. and then off he goes throwing parties when he should be spending time with you. but somehow, 90% of what you say goes through one ear and out the other-

"you still, love.. me?" you scoff. "of course i do. but i just.. think it's better if you move on an-" "why do i have to move on when i haven't lost anything?" a smile grows on his face, and he grips your wrists excitedly. "i- i thought you hated me! and-" "are you not grasping anything i'm saying right now!" you yell over his excited yapping. "i'm saying!-" he quiets down to a soft pause. "-..you need to find someone who suits your needs better."

you barely register his sudden movements as he bursts forward, taking your cheeks in his hands as he slams his lips against yours. his eyes roll back as he sighs into your mouth. god how he's missed the feeling. he presses his body flush against yours, revelling in the feeling of, well, you. your addictive lips, your sleek hair, your compelling curves, he basks in you.

you try to break away, but your body seems to have other plans, arching into him. "hongjoong-" it's not longer than a second before he once again encapsulates your lips with his. you try to make out a sentence between desperate kisses. "we- .. we- shouldn't-" his front teeth graze your bottom lip, and he pulls you nice and tight against him, just the way you like it.

you would have made more of an effort to flee if it didn't feel so fucking good. his hands never cease to wander your body like it's an uncharted island in the pacific ocean. if they're not massaging your waist, they're sliding up and down your exposed back. if they're not sliding up and down your exposed back, they're groping your ass. he just can't get enough of you- of how intoxicating you are.

"hongjoong for fucks sak-" "shh." he smirks softly against your lips. he knows that bit by bit, little by little, you're giving in to him. or more, the idea of him. you melt into his hold, whining a little at an attempt to show your frustration. but he just coos mockingly, taking your hands in his and pinning them above your head. your right leg naturally hikes up against his hip, and he holds it in place with his vacant hand. "so good for me," his lips part and he kisses your nose. "such a good girl."

you can't believe this is happening. you're internally sour, trying to search for any reason left in this bottomless pit of lust you're drowning in. you can feel it rising inside of you, and it'll swallow you up eventually.

you don't think you've ever wanted him so bad. in fact, you don't think you've ever wanted anyone as badly as you do right now. you have to have him. otherwise it might just eat you alive.

"do you want-.." he's breathless, making sure your eyes never leave his. he's stuttering over his words, suddenly finding himself shrink under your gaze; it almost makes you smile. "uh- no pressure, by the way i-" your finger gently drags along the surface of his lip, deep red nail getting caught in the dip between them. you whisper softly, pulling him in for a soft kiss. "let's go."

sneaking away could have definitely been easier if hongjoong didn't always blatantly stick out like a neon highlighter in a tub of black markers. man of the hour or not, he can't help being stopped and pinched into conversations left and right and your patience is thinning. "hongjoong.." you mumble, and he nods profusely towards you in apology, excusing himself to his mates and bidding them a good night.

"aye! hongjoong, over here!" "hey guys!-" you pinch his elbow, pressing your lips to his ear. "go over to one more person and you'll get it." he feels himself twitch in his pants, but he just rolls his eyes and smiles at you with a satirising tone. "c'mon babe!~ it's 3RACHA! i can't just ignore 3RACHA!" he tries to shake away the thoughts nagging him to turn back in his head, releasing his arm from your wrist and jogging towards them. so much for not neglecting me. your tongue pokes the inside of your cheek, and you swing back around, making a beeline for the stairwell.

you're aware of hongjoong's strict rule of the second floor being prohibited during parties, but regardless of it you sneak past the numerous couples humping one another in the hallway, climbing the stairs up to his bedroom.

you exhale softly with your forehead pressed to the door, hand resting on the golden handle. you shouldn't be this nervous. it's only been a few months, you used to spend more time here than you did in your own apartment. but once you step into the room and shut the door, the overwhelming scent of him leaves you dumbfounded. your shaky hand drifts to the handle in a moment of diffidence, but you shake your head, and do nothing more than wipe your sweaty hands on the fabric of your dress.

you kick off your heels, feet dragging along the the off-grey carpet flooring as you trail over to his king sized bed. the satin sheets are cold against your lower thighs, and your hands gently grip the lush material. your eyes drift over his walls as you slip your arms out of the sleeves of your dress: his desk, his wardrobe, nothing had changed. however, what does catch your eye is a bottle of your signature perfume on his shelf, nearing its last millilitres.

you have your suspicions, bringing his pillow up to your nose. you sigh softly at the faint smell of your perfume lingering all over it. you haven't used that brand since you were last here all those months ago. you shimmy off the rest of your dress leaving you in your red lace lingerie, and you stride over to the shelf and pick up the small glass bottle. you flick the cap off with your thumb, and spritz the scented spray all over your body and the sheets.

laying back into the duvet, you feel your core throb with wanting and need as the aged memories invade your mind. your hands wander, just like his. they trace your curves the way he would, almost like it's muscle memory. "mh, joong.." you whisper to yourself as your back arches off of the mattress, unhooking your bra and tossing it to the side.

your hands fondle your breasts, and you let out the softest moan as your thumbs brush over your perky nipples. "hongjoong.." you whine the tiniest bit louder, hands hooking into your underwear and sliding them down your spread legs. sighing, your index and middle finger slip themselves between your folds, pushing them apart and lathering your wetness all over the digits. they slowly trace around your clit as you snatch your phone from the bedside table.

you would have never thought you'd be doing this again, but you open his archived chat left inactive for 5 months and click the camera in the bottom left corner. this was risky, and you'd be most likely to regret it. but nonetheless you begin recording, and whine softly into the phone. you feign innocence, pinching your clit softly between your fingers before you insert them both inside you. you gasp as you release an over exaggerated moan before hitting the send button.

you wait with a satisfied look on your face, watching one tick turn into two, from grey to blue. at that, your phone is forgotten, and your eyes flutter closed as you give your undivided attention to yourself.

hongjoong is becoming desperate. having to act like he didn't almost cream his pants at the sight of your wet pussy through his phone screen was tougher than he had originally imagined. he tucks his phone into his back pocket, trying to subtly adjust the baggy jeans hanging on his hips. while jisung and changbin eagerly talk to him, his eyes daintily drift to the side, catching seonghwa's gaze from the pool table.

seonghwa tilts his head, and hongjoong pats the side of his leg before tucking his index, middle and ring finger into his palm to form a phone sign. he holds it for two seconds before focusing back on the conversation he's having.

he thanks seonghwa indebtedly when it doesn't take much more than a blink of an eye before his phone vibrates in his back pocket. "sorry, i have to take this," he's apologetic, gesturing towards his phone. "have a good night guys!" he gives seonghwa a pat on the shoulder as he passes by, and seonghwa returns the gesture with a wink.

he can't resist himself as he walks through the hallway, opening the video again and feeling his cock throb violently in the confines of his jeans. he practically sprints up the stairs when you send another text: "you better hurry up or i'm leaving." it was a lie, obviously. hongjoong knew it too. but that didn't stop him from becoming overly eager.

he bursts through the door, eyes almost bulging out of their sockets at the sight of three fingers plunging in and out of your pussy, presented proudly out in the open for only his eyes to see, the erotic squelching sounds become apparent when he closes the door: "what took you so long," you sigh out accompanied by a breathy moan. "i'm sorry baby." he mumbles, already reaching for his belt as he kneels at the bed, unbuckling it and tossing it to the side.

"you should be," you pull your fingers out, using your clean hand to pull him into a sloppy, open mouthed, all teeth and saliva, kiss. "i'm expecting compensations." he pulls back with a grin, tugging his black tank top over his head. "of course, princess."

his knees straddle your hips, leaning down to press open mouthed kisses to your neck. with his jeans already hanging so low on his hips, your feet make a move to slide them off to his ankles, he finishes the job off, discarding them on the floor. the beautiful, overbearing scent of your perfume makes him shiver, and he grips the sheets on either side of you, striving ever so hard as not to completely lose control of himself. he wants to take this slowly with you, enjoy the moment of finally having you back in his arms again.

or at least that's what he would have liked, but it seems you had other plans. "so, you gonna fuck me or what?" you exhale, arching up into him when his lips find your pebbled nipple, suckling gently as his hand gropes your unattended tit. he supposes he could wait to take it slow another time.

"patience," he grins, drifting down to your pelvis, deciding this is where he wanted to leave his mark. "let me take care of you, sweetheart." he nips, sucks, kisses, littering red, lip sized marks all over your pubic bone, making sure they would last at least a few days. your hand reaches down to grip his gelled back hair, and he groans softly as you tug on the strands. your legs spread as he makes himself comfortable between them, and he swears he almost cums in his boxers when your ankle moves to the back of his head, violently shoving him into your wet pussy.

he moans out, arms wrapping around your thighs as his lips make contact with your clit. you taste better than he ever remembers. sweet yet salty, flavourful, delicious. "mmh, that's good.." you whisper softly, and the praise makes hongjoong ever the more motivated to pleasure you. "am i good for you baby?" you grin and nod softly. "so good." he smirks and coats his index and middle finger in your slick before pushing them into your already stretched out hole.

and you know the second that his fingers, longer than yours, push and curl into you combined with his tongue lapping away at your clit, that you won't last long. more of your slick drips out and onto hongjoong's hand; you can't remember the last time you were so desperate. "missed you so much baby." he whines out, unable to resist rolling his hips once, twice, into the mattress, trying to alleviate the aching in his boxers. "so- so good hongjoong- shit," you stutter out in between gasps and whines, feeling that familiar pit in your pelvis when his fingers drill themselves against your g-spot.

the long suck to your nub that follows straight after is what throws you over the edge. you're just tinkering on the edge of an orgasm, and you know it when your legs begin to shake. "hongjoong! hongjoong- please! oh god- oh fuck i'm cumming," you thrash around, legs wrapping themselves around his head and suffocating him in your pussy.

hongjoong feels his hard cock positively twitch and leak like a broken faucet as translucent, salty liquid leaks out of you and onto his stuck out tongue. he hums appreciatively, chest puffing up with pride when he realises he made you cum with just his fingers and tongue. faster than ever before, too. he makes the lewdest slurping sounds with his tongue, drinking you up as if he were a feral, famished man. at this point, he might as well be one.

"good?" he asks with a toothy smile, his sharp canines peaking out through his swollen lips. "so good. so good for me, joongie.." you whisper to him, running a hand through his hair before tightening it, curling and tugging him towards you. his lips meet yours in a kiss much gentler than any of the ones exchanged earlier, and you can taste yourself on his tongue. your hands reach down to feel around the wet patch of his pre-cum on the front of his boxers, and you make a fast move to tug them down his legs, tossing them to the side before pulling him into your arms. "think you deserve a reward, baby?"

he nods so eagerly, you swear you see a tail wagging behind him as he hums keenly. "yeah?" you croon, enjoying watching him become desperate to please you and himself too. he doesn't even make an effort to hide how eager he is to slip into you and fall into a deep abyss of euphoria, brain filled with nothing other than praise and pleasure - and maybe a little white noise too. "what does my baby want?"

"to cum.." he mumbles, leaning down to nibble at your neck while his cold fingers drift down to where he had left his bruises on you, tracing them lovingly. it was almost primal, to him. to see you marked up. it reminded him that you truly did belong to him. "wan' make you cum too- wanna cum inside.." he twitches when your hand comes to wrap around the base of his cock. "i'm so fuckin' hard.. i wanna fuck you so fuckin' bad, baby." he begs breathlessly, thrusting up into your hand for more friction.

"you're so lucky i love you," you mutter under your breath, and his breath hitches as his dick simultaneously twitches in response. his stomach erupts into butterflies, but he tries to suppress the mushy feelings for the post-orgasm conversation he knows he'll end up having with you whether you like it or not.

"you really are just leaking aren't you? so messy." you tease, thumb swiping over his slit and he curls into you with a hiss, eyes falling shut. "sensitive today, are we?" you mumble, twisting your fist around his cock head again to draw another reaction from him. "been hard all day," he admits, head falling into the crook of your neck. "wanted to wait so i could fuck you." you shake your head with a chuckle. "so bold to automatically assume i'd let you fuck me."

hongjoong honestly believes he sees the gates of the afterlife appear in front of him when he finally feels your wet heat press against his cock. you drag your folds up and down the base of him, using a mixture of your cum, slick and his leftover saliva to lubricate him. "w-well i'm here now, aren't- aren't i?" you sigh, guiding his tip to your sopping hole. "eh, i guess so." your palms rest against his back when you slam his hips down onto you in one harsh movement. hongjoong's breath is knocked out of him at the unexpected movement, and his fingers grip your hips as he whines loud. "oh fuck-!"

you've missed him so badly. skin to skin, lips to lips, heart to heart, you have him fully. you hum, head dropping back into the satin pillows. "that's it.. i've missed you, joong. missed this big cock so much." you don't think your cunt could ever get used to the delicious stretch his cock provides you with, with or without fingers beforehand. he just reaches that particular spot inside you that nobody else ever could, and it drives you absolutely mad with adoration.

but what snaps you out of your bliss is that you realise hongjoong has no plans of moving. his head just stays dipped into the crook of your neck, hands gripping your waist so hard the skin will positively bruise, panting hard. "hello?" you mumble, poking the side of his head. he grumbles out something unintelligible, and it makes you sigh, propping yourself up onto your elbows. "this pussy's not gonna fuck itself, is it?" your question is more rhetorical, but it makes hongjoong wince. "c-can't." his voice is strained, and you have an idea of why, yet you still choose to prod further. "what do you mean, 'you can't'?"

"feels too good.." he whispers, and you grin. admittedly, hongjoong is indeed, a very busy man. jobs, producing, lectures, dance classes, clubs, parties, he's everywhere doing everything all at once. but the most critical aspect of it all, was that he was loyal to you. he hadn't kissed, touched, or fucked a single other person since he last had you, holding onto that small slither of hope that he could win you back when the time was right.

that, however, now leaves him in a sticky - no pun intended - situation where he knows that if he doesn't pull himself together, he'll drain his balls within minutes of fucking you. "oh? poor baby.." you feign innocence, just for a few seconds before your legs wrap around his hips, beginning to grind up onto him in search of your own friction. "that's too bad."

hongjoong yelps, trying to ground himself by fisting his duvet into a death grip, little whimpers making it past his sealed lips. your hands take a hold of his hips, aiding you in your movements. "you gonna help me now, or what?" you grit out, and all he can do is shake his head frantically, bottom lip jutted out into a pout. "i- i'll cum baby- i can't!-" "so what? cum or not, we're not stopping until i do." he exhales shakily.

"so are you gonna be a good? or will i have to go find someone else who can fuck me right?" hongjoong grits his teeth, shaking his head and putting all of his body weight on you until you come to a stop, he experiments, thrusting up once, twice, before mumbling a soft: "okay.". you rub his back gently, whispering in return: "come on.."

the sudden snap of his hips catches you off guard. you squeak, hands frantically reaching for his biceps to ground yourself. "shit! th- that's it hongjoong! ngh-" he nods frantically, yanking your knees up to your chest to thrust even deeper. he groans, eyes squeezing shut as he tries not to focus on how gorgeous you look beneath him, or how slick the sounds between you are, or how good your pussy feels, or how badly he wants to fucking cum.

he sets a brutal pace, balls slapping against your ass with every deep, meaningful thrust into you. "atta boy.. ohh baby i-" you gasp out, feeling the pad of hongjoong's thumb press down on your clit, rubbing up and down in synchronisation with his thrusts.

he pants hard and desperately it's almost concerning, lips parted and drool dripping from the corner of his mouth as he buries his head deep into the crook of your neck. you arch up into him, breasts pressing flush against his bare chest. your rhythmic clenching, the borderline salacious amount of wetness inside of you, the raking of your nails on his back, it's almost too much for him.

the longer he pursues you, the more he realises that he in fact, cannot wait, and will cum. he had tried not to too early, truly! but he had been close the second he walked into the damn room, and the amount of different versatile sensations he has no choice but to feel drive him over the edge. "baby- i can't- i can't i-" your legs wrap themselves around his hips, locking him in. "it's okay baby. go on. cum for me. fill me up."

with that, he's gone. you don't think you've ever seen him behave this way in the years you've known him. "oh godd yes- yes yes yes-" he's lewd, and he puts professional pornography to shame. the way he presents himself is obscene, head thrown back, eyes rolled into them. a staggered groan escapes him as he comes undone, his seed flowing inside of you as he gently rocks his hips, knuckles whiter than white with the pressure he's putting on the pillows either side of your head. you guide him through his orgasm, petting his hair softly.

his back glistens with beads of sweat among the moles and freckles dotted along his shoulder blades, and they flex as his arms slowly yet surely move to wrap around your torso. he exhales, nuzzling into you as he catches his forfeited breaths back.

you supposed that if he were unable to continue, it wouldn't be the worst thing in the world. it was even between the two of you now, and you were both correspondingly satisfied. you reach down and grip the base of him that isn't enveloped inside of you, and can't even begin to attempt to suppress the grin on your face when you realise he's still hard. "not satisfied yet, are you?"

he's about to defend himself, promise you he's not as filthy as he presents himself to be. but there's no need for it, seeing as you give him no time to rest before you climb on top of him, and start rocking your hips. and honest to god, hongjoong has absolutely no idea what to do with himself.

he's being used like a toy, and he loves it. but at the same time he isn't sure if you want him to help you or if he should take it, so many thoughts rushing through his mind but in reality he's just trying to stall so he doesn't cum again. he's a ragdoll in your arms, the pleasure he had been feeling a few seconds ago returning in an instant with a new found sensitivity, your pussy even wetter with his cum. he ever so desperately wanted to take back the dominance between the two of you, he knew he could do it. but the most he could do to even voice a reaction was curse loudly, cry out and throw his head back.

he takes it back. completely. there was no way he could do anything other than accept it without any objections. it was everything he had ever wanted and more, there was nothing going on in his mind other than perpetual euphoria.

"fuck i'm close," you whisper, cursing in approval when hongjoong's index and middle finger work at your clit in time with your bounces. "c-cum for me? cum for me baby?" hongjoong's eyes brim with tears, a mix of sentimentality and overstimulation. you nod frantically, finally letting the knot in your gut come loose, letting out a wail as your orgasm washes over you.

he whines softly at the feeling of you gushing around him, and he cums a second time. he fills you up again with a groan through gritted teeth, in smaller spurts with less amount than the first. you pant, falling limp on top of him with a grunt. "that was good," you hum, hand moving to trace his collarbone.

hongjoong's arms come to encircle around your waist, pressing you close to his chest as he begins to soften inside of you, making no move to pull out. he kisses your temple, one of his hands moving to the back of your head, caressing your dishevelled head of hair. hongjoong has never felt such relief as he does holding you, your body feeling just right with his, and he can't help but think to himself..

"i love you." he blurts out. the confession is rushed, panicked and hesitant. you feel his body tense up the moment he registers he's said it, but you just smile against his chest, poking him in the rib. "you're okay i guess." not getting the answer he wants, he groans. "princess.." his tone is whiny, and you giggle, sitting up to plant a passionate kiss to his lips.

"i'm joking, joong. i love you too."

#⋆｡°✩ star's fics #ateez #kim hongjoong #hongjoong x reader #kim hongjoong x reader #hongjoong smut #ateez fanfiction #ateez smut #ateez x reader #hongjoong fanfiction #hongjoong imagines #hongjoong hard thoughts #ateez au

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beatrixstonehill2 · 5 months ago

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"Holy crap, I feel incredible! Only one month into the Stealth Detrans Challenge and I'm having a blast! Soooo happy my boyfriend convinced me to do this! For those who aren't keeping up, I met Darren about three months ago on Tinder and even on our first date he was gushing about this challenge and how he'd love to see me try it. I only giggled and nodded along, telling him I'll think about it..... sure enough only a couple months later I actually decided to give in! Seeing the other girls do it definitely helped, watching them gradually change and try, but fail to hide their masculinization. It seemed simple enough.... Stop my hormones, start taking testosterone instead, and see how long I can go before I can't hide that I'm detransitioning and becoming a guy. Most girls only last a few months before it's way too obvious....

I'm not sure if I'm even gonna last that long! My body knows what it wants and now that it's finally tasted T, it's like I'm being fast-tracked through male puberty! It's totally wild to watch. Since I started blockers and hormones so young I've never had, like, any T in my system. My hips grew big, my ass got nice and fat, and of course my breasts became huge and perfect for guys to play with. My cock never got bigger than an inch, but after a month on testosterone it's already six inches fully erect! I can finally jerk off! I could only rub it before. Not only that, but my balls are getting really big. They used to be tiny and useless, now they're as big as eggs, full of glorious cum! I ejaculate these huge, thick, milky ropes of cum, sometimes a dozen per orgasm, especially right when I wake up and relieve my morning wood, which can take three or four orgasms before my erections finally stop.

I'm already failing to hide my cock. I can hardly wear jeans or shorts because I get erections constantly. It's humiliating having to run to the women's room, make sure nobody's around, put some porn on my phone and jerk off in a stall really fast. I usually just watch something that gets me going fast, like pregnant college girls giving birth as they suck cock and get ass fucked. I've almost gotten caught a few times.... Now I even pee standing up so it's even more obvious that a guy is using the ladies' room. If the noise of me beating my cock wasn't obvious enough, watching porn like some hopeless gooner with zero impulse control.

I never used to watch porn, and I only masturbated a couple times a week. Now I jerk off over a dozen times a day, sometimes in my car when I'm out driving, or I'll even hide behind bushes or trees at the park and rub one out if my erections ache enough. How can other guys stand this? And to think my cock is only just starting its growth, most 'girls' who do this challenge wind up with cocks somewhere between ten and fifteen inches. I...... kind of love the idea of having a massive cock, showing everyone I'm a man no matter how much I doll myself up and train my voice..... speaking of which. Yes, my voice is just starting to crack! I am SO hyped! Pretty soon I'm going to need to voice train if I'm going to convince anyone I'm supposedly a girl. Already my friends and coworkers are looking at me funny when I talk. Some of them smirk when I open my mouth, as they go from eyeing the bulge in my shorts to my newly cracking voice. They can tell deep down what I'm secretly doing.

My bf is really happy I decided to do this challenge, but even more so that I'm detransitioning in general. He told me on our first date he's bi but prefers men. I shrugged and joked that if he's sure I could always be a guy if he really wants me to be. He definitely took me up on that offer! Pretty soon my facial hair will come in. My body hair is already getting thicker and coming in faster. I'm getting new hair up my belly and it's starting to grow on my breasts! It's looking like I'm meant to be a really hairy guy. Always knew I took more after my dad.... And speaking of my breasts, I've started telling my friends I'm thinking of getting a reduction. I'm asking them how they feel about me going really small, that I'm self-conscious of being so big breasted. They seem to love the idea. A couple of them even straight up said I'd look amazing totally flat-chested. I just smiled big and said, "Oh! You think so, too?"

Now it's only a matter of time until my passing days are numbered.... Once my beard really comes in and my voice gets way deeper I'm gonna get top surgery. You know, I'd get it now but I'd hate to spoil the challenge so early! Half the fun is watching people wonder if I'm detransing or not. I'm having so much fun I already convinced two trans girls at my university to do the challenge, too! We're hoping many more will follow. There's nothing naughtier than having the perfect body as a trans girl, going through all the work of going on blockers and never missing your hrt, developing your dream body. Perfect hips, perfect ass, perfect tits and a beautiful face/voice to match, only to throw it all away because the thought of becoming a guy makes your cock super hard.... Guess that shows how male I really am. All I can think with is my dick!"

#detrans kink #mtf detrans kink #mtftm kink #mtftm detrans #mtftm jackoff fuel #mtftm nsft #fakegirl

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dreamwritersworld · 2 years ago

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Disconnected… part 2. (sully family x reader)

“this is what you’ve made me become.”

…and so Jake watched his creation, the daughter he now realizes he damaged. His body ran cold as he watched her pick up a tree branch…and then he followed her chilling whistles.

Y/n thought that was all…that she got all the soldiers, until she heard rustles in the woods. There was no hesitation in the her shot. The teenage girl kicked the gun away from the soldier arms, looked directly into her fathers eyes..

“This. Is what we do to get rid of the bad people. It shouldn’t take that long for you to realize how badly you protect this clan and your family.”

Her eyes were cold and black, the pleads from the man didn’t stop.

“You can breath, you can blink, you can cry….Eywa, you already are. You’re going to be stuck in that broken shell of a body forever.”

Then she cut the man’s vision clear bashing his head in with the thick tree branch.

“Y/n…Y/n s-stop…please. You killed those soldiers, and did more than killing to Quaritch Y/n, you didn’t even blink.”

“You know why I did it? I did it because I wanted to.”

“Don’t be stupid Y/n please. You can fool yourself and everyone else! But you can’t fool me! What happened to you? Because this isn’t you..”

“How would you know about me.”

The built up tension…over years of being locked away and pushed from her family…she aimed the gun to her siblings and mother who came in…the loudness and facial expression towards Y/n felt so unfamiliar…uncomfortable. They never looked at her..and now? Now they see her.

Neytiri’s eyes and hears rang…all she could hear were her mothers warning on Y/n’s behavior…now, she regretted ignoring her persistence on fixing Y/n. Mo’at said she was a monster but now…Neytiri was convinced, Y/n was the devil.

The Erie silence scared her…something she found so peaceful was now so scary. Y/n took her gun and ran through the woods hoping to just breathe for a moment.

It had been hours and everyone went off looking for her…Mo’at especially. Her poor grandchild couldn’t stand being with anyone because that’s how Jake made her, he made her used to being by herself. He gave her all the wrong traits…angry, aggressive, defensive, closed off and…sad.

*Flashback*

Jake made Y/n so stressed that the simplest thing set her off.

Y/n walked away angrily from training, having a rough day of archery…Neteyam could hear his younger sibling exhaling heavily.

“What happened?”

“All my shots were bad, all of them. Every single one.”

Neteyam turned around to the spots Y/n was supposed to aim, masking a surprised face towards the slightly off target aims, no it wasn’t in the exact center but it was almost there, still a good shot.

…it was always all too wrong for Y/n.

The frustrating memory came to an end when Y/n heard someone approaching.

“…Y/n! Please come back home! This is- it’s just not ok. The decisions your making right now aren’t wise, especially at this hour-“

“You think I’m some idiot! Well I didn’t ask to be made! I didn’t ask to be torn apart and put back together over and over! To turn into some…some monster!”

“Y/n…“

“No! No don’t say I’m wrong! You don’t get to say that! I spent hours on end training just so I could be perfect for him! For my own father..but I wasn’t! I proved myself over and over and over and over and over and over-“

“..ok Y/n I get it now-“

“No you don’t!”

“…I know you act like you’re the meanest and strongest but you’re actually the most scared of all…I know that you push anyone’s who’s willing to put up with you, cause just a little bit of love reminds you of how big and empty that hole inside you actually is.”

“Stop!”

“I know you feel like no one cares about you!…I know who you are Y/n!…because you were me. My parents always pushed on me to be the greatest tsahik..gave me much more harder time than a child can bare..so please Y/n realize that you’re ok now. I’m here”

For a moment..silence stood between the two…and the girl who Mo’at hoped would get better..broke down, into her grandmother’s arms.

“You were born into a family that doesn’t always appreciate you, but one day things are going to be very different..”

Mo’at placed a sleeping remedy on Y/n’s face hoping to buy her grandchild a good rest and time before the storm. Y/n softly fell asleep into her grandmothers arms. The most emotional yet beautiful sight Moat had ever seen…the child who was always overseen was now peacefully shedding tears while sleeping…it hurt her looking at the way Y/n was fully on guard still. Not once did her hand lose grip on her gun, and her body remained tense.

!💓!

There will be one more part to this! I’m so sorry for the major delay, i haven’t had any time to write and i hope this is good! Sorry for it being short but I’d also love if you guys send in requests for Y/n’s ending in this 💓

Tag list: @noodlesfics @eywas-heir @itshype @zatarias-pandora @yeosxxx @arminsgfloll l @tsireyak @neteyamforlife @aimsro @elegantkidfansoul l @goodiesinthecloset21 @nikotokitaswife @bucky1235 @detectivesparrow @kikosaurscave @ssc7514 @simp-erformarvelwomen @eirianna @ambria @im-in-a-pansexual-panik @lv9su @luciddasher @dakotali @httpjiikook @tainted-artist4161 @fanboyluvr @bat1212 @ducks118 @midnightliacr @osakis-gf @briannalarae @thirsty4nonlivingmen @historygeekqueen @abbersreads @hoodiepandaninja16 @valovesyou @silentlyswimming @r3dc4ndy @onlytays @papichulo120627 @tsamiaxo @wwwellacom @dotheyevenknowmars @midgetpottermills @he110hon @hotdsstuff @heart-an0n @he110hon @go-river-flows

#jake sully x reader #angst #loak x reader #neteyam sully #neytiri sully #sully family x reader #neteyam x reader #avatar the way of water #sully family x daughter reader #avatar loak #SoundCloud

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trancetales · 10 months ago

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On naming and language in creative writing

I've been thinking recently about writing and specifically, coming up with names and terms within the setting. It can be easy to think to yourself about your own, or indeed of someone else's, choices of terms and names when you're creating a world and setting. "This name is so uninspired", or "This term sounds stupid." You might think it stands out like a sore thumb because it isn't an overly flowery term. That is fine.

Have you ever thought that about real world things? If, like myself, you've found yourself thinking that way about such things, maybe looking at some real world examples with a little more scrutiny can help put some of those thoughts at ease.

Lets start by looking at a few real world terms, first of all. Lets say you have a magic system, and it depends on something that you've called "manapools". Its a simple name, and its to the point. Its not the most out there name, but why should it be?

Have you ever thought about that time at the end of the week? You know, when the week ends, and it becomes the "weekend"? Its what we really called it in English. Its not very creative, but its what we call it, and nobody bats an eyelid. Why should they? That's what its called. Nobody thinks "the weekend should be called something more imaginative.

Another example is the word "waterfall". It couldn't possibly be more straightforward. It is where water falls. Water is falling, so, waterfall. Simple enough, and even someone who doesn't know what a waterfall is could probably piece together that a waterfall is that bit where the water is falling.

This is especially the case when you're talking about a fantasy or scifi term that will be completely new to someone. You actually want someone to recognise the term at a glance and have an idea what's going on. Not just because it makes it easier for the reader to recognise it easily, but because its more convincing from a storytelling perspective - even if there's a more scientific word in the world, are people really going to be using it? Have you ever heard anyone talk about Trochilidae? Probably not. Because when people see a bird that's making a humming sound, they're going to call it as they see it. A hummingbird.

Next, I'm going to touch on place names. Maybe your big city is called "King's Court". Maybe you're thinking that its not very inspired, in a world of Arendelles and Coruscants. If so, you might want to think about two things - real world place names, and the origin of the place names in media.

So we'll start with those two examples. Firstly, Arendelle, the setting for the film Frozen. Yes, it sounds like a fanciful name, but in actuality, its just a regular name but in the language. One source suggests that Aren would translate as eagle, and Delle is derived from the word for Valley. So if it were a name in English, it would just be Eagle Valley. The other example, Coruscant, is a planet from Star Wars. It sounds fancy, sure. But its actually just, a word. An unusual one, yes, but its just a word. Star War also features a city called Cloud City.

It's actually even less creative in real life. Here in the UK for instance, we have 25 places named "Kingston". This is literally just a contracted version of "King's Town", and when they had to distinguish them, they just stuck a bit on. Kingston upon Thames and Kingston upon Hull just put the river they were next to. And then there's Kingston near Lewes. The town is literally just called, "King's Town. The one near that other town." And don't get me started on how many places were just named after Alexander the Great.

The final thing I want to touch on is days and months of the calendar. If you choose to deviate away from the real world calendar, it can feel tricky to get a month that sounds like a month, and days can be even harder. That is, like before, less glaring if you think hard about the real ones.

Starting with days of the week, the simplest point I can make is this. In German, the word for Wednesday is Mittwoch, which literally just means, midweek. They didn't even bother giving it an actual name.

For months, again, its easy to overlook it because of how used to it we are, but not only are half of them really unimaginative, but they're also wrong. Everything up to June is based on parts of the pantheon and such, but when we hit July and August, these are literally just because Julius and Augustus wanted months named after them. So these two are just slight alterations of their names. After those two, we have September, October, November, and December. These ones are just names after the number of the month. Dec, meaning 10, is famously the 10th month, of course... So, not only is it basically just called "month number 10", about as unimaginative as it gets, it is also wrong.

On thinking these points over, I've personally found myself thinking less critically of my naming in all areas. If the UK can have 25 King's Towns, why can you not have a King's Court. If we have Hummingbirds, why the heck wouldn't your people call that fire-breathing dragon a Fire Dragon? And nothing could be worse than the months we have in our real calendar. So don't sell your naming prowess short, because you can't do much worse than the Romans did.

#writeblr #writing #creative writing #writing tips #writing advice #trance chat

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nothorses · 3 months ago

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The worst part of trying to talk about my experiences as a trans man is worrying that I’m not remembering it right, or it wasn’t that bad, or I’m being manipulative, or like I’m driven by secret prejudices and if I just recognized them then I’d immediately see that my life is fine. The longer it goes on the more I feel like I hallucinated it or dreamed up a memory to confirm … idk what. Do you or anyone else have advice about that? Other than “you can do whatever you want forever, hit the bricks” because intellectually I do get that but in practice I feel really lonely and “whatever I want” all alone sucks.

I've experienced a lot of that self-doubt as well, and I very much relate. I think what has helped me the most, over time, is:

a) Repeated confirmation & validation of my own memory, and

b) Understanding why someone might invalidate my memory in the first place

Pretty much in that order!

What that looked like for me was starting to write things down, or talk about them to someone else when they happened, and then going back to remember those things later when the memory felt less tangible. When I look back on the things I've written especially, it feels genuinely crazy to me that I ever forgot how severe some of those experiences were, and even crazier that I allowed someone to convince me I was wrong about them. When I had that experience multiple times, and over time, I started to learn that I could trust myself more than I had previously been taught to.

Understanding the reasons someone might have for doing this was also helpful! Humans are fallible, and our memories can become distorted over time, and it's important to remember that other people are just as likely to make mistakes as we are. They might legitimately believe they're right, and not be. You probably aren't more or less likely to do that than anyone else is; and if you are more likely to do that, the answer still isn't to just assume you're always wrong, because you're not always wrong- nobody is!

Other people are also just as likely as you are to be influenced by their own personal biases. Consider what's at stake for people who might want you to be wrong about your own memories: what kind of fear might they be feeling? What kind of guilt will they have to grapple with if they're forced to change their worldview?

I don't think it's ever a good idea to completely shut out all possible criticism or possibility that you're wrong, but it's just as unhealthy to be completely incapable of trusting yourself. The solution lies in the nuance, in holding both truths at once: you might be wrong, but you also might be right. What's more likely? Who is most likely to know the truth, or at least be closer to it? How can you check? What biases are present for you and others involved? How can you check them, and keep them in check?

I find that working through it this way- with the nuance included- is genuinely more reassuring to me than if I were to try to just throw out all possibility of being wrong.

I don't know how helpful that is to you, but hopefully something in there is useful!! Good luck!

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choicesbookclub · 3 months ago

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Upcoming Book Clubs: ILITW, BOLAS3, COP3, + more

Okay, so this is very unofficial and just me sharing some thoughts. I know I could make some polls, but I don't feel they're very accurate because Guinevere won the last poll and I feel this is one of the lowest participated in book clubs I've hosted. So I prefer if people who have opinions and are interested in participating reach out (comments, reblogs, dms, inbox-anon or not), so feel free to let me know what you think.

Anyway...

ILITW will still be the next book club, starting in September. As of now, I'm thinking it will probably be one chapter a week on Saturdays. (This keeps the schedule open for a second book club for a new release.) Is this okay? Is it a deal breaker if it's not 2 chapters a week?

As of now, I'm not at all feeling a COP3 book club. I don't know if I'm even going to play, considering I haven't brought myself to even play the mini book because I just don't want an engagement and then a wedding. That doesn't mean I won't change my mind, just my current feelings. Does anyone feel really strongly that there IS a COP3 book club? Or are we okay with that possibly not happening?

BOLAS 3, I'm up in the air with. I'm definitely playing, but I don't have high hopes for it. I feel like the people who are going to play are going to play regardless of if there is a book club for it, so I'm not sure a book club is needed, but it is so fun to see the choices we make and how they're different especially with skills, so this is still likely and I feel the consensus is for it to be for the General release (not sure how that will change the participation if it's split, but we'll see).

The Deadliest Game is a new release/currently still releasing, I know it had a lot of votes. Not sure if anyone is still interested in it, but it has become one of my top choices books so if there are enough people who haven't played yet that want a book club still, I would need no convincing at all to host it! I'm more excited about TDG than COP3 or Bolas3 atm, so let me know if you have thoughts.

After COP3/BOLAS3, I am most likely going to keep book clubs to previously released books. With the VIP/Wide release schedules, it just makes coordinating something for the whole fandom too difficult.

Anyway, I just felt like I needed to share all the thoughts I had. If you made it this far, wow, and thank you? and sorry?

If you have thoughts please let me know. As I said, I don't really trust polls to represent what to expect in a book club.

Thanks

💖dani

#choices book club

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pretty-little-candid-blurbs · 1 year ago

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Healing Moonlight

Word Count: ~2000 words

Warning: This fanfic contains mentions of self-esteem issues and emotional distress.

Summary: After a particularly brutal full moon, Remus Lupin awakens with a new scar on his face, triggering deep insecurities. He isolates himself in his room, refusing to eat or let anyone in, including Y/N. Concerned for their friend and love interest, Y/N tries to uncover the reason behind Remus's sudden withdrawal while dealing with their own fears of losing him. With love and patience, Y/N aims to heal Remus and show him that he's not alone.

The sun rose gently, its warm rays peeking through the curtains of the Gryffindor dormitory. Y/N stirred, looking around to find that Remus was not in his bed. This wasn't uncommon after a full moon; he often needed time alone to recover. However, when Y/N went to check on him in his room, they found the door locked.

"Remus?" Y/N called, knocking softly. There was no response. Concerned, they tried again. "Remus, it's me. Can I come in?"

A muffled voice came from behind the door. "I'm fine, Y/N. Just go away, please."

But Y/N knew better. They knew that something was wrong, especially since Remus had never reacted this way before. They tried once more to coax him out of his room, but to no avail. For the next few days, Remus refused to eat or see anyone, and his friends were starting to grow concerned.

Y/N shared their worries with James, Sirius, and Peter, but even they were clueless about what might be going on with their friend. They attempted to comfort Y/N, but the worry gnawed at them all.

One evening, Y/N finally managed to convince the others to let them try talking to Remus again. Armed with determination, they approached his room once more and knocked gently.

"Remus, it's Y/N again," they said softly. "Please, just let me in. I'm really worried about you."

There was a long pause, but then the sound of the lock clicking open reached their ears. Slowly, Y/N pushed the door open and found Remus sitting on his bed, his head hanging low, and his hand on the new scar on his face.

Y/N's heart ached at the sight. They walked over and sat next to him, gently placing a hand on his back. "What's wrong, Remus? You can tell me."

Remus looked up, his eyes filled with pain and vulnerability. "It's this scar," he whispered. "I thought I could handle being a werewolf, but every time I see myself in the mirror, I'm reminded of what I've become."

Y/N's heart broke for him. They had always admired Remus's strength, but now they saw the hidden insecurities that burdened him. "Remus, your scars don't define you," they said softly. "They're a part of your journey, a testament to the battles you've fought and won. And they don't change how much I care about you."

Remus looked surprised, his eyes welling up with tears. "You don't think I'm a monster?"

"Of course not," Y/N replied firmly. "You're one of the bravest, most caring people I know. Your scars are a reminder of the strength it takes to face the challenges life throws at us. And I'll be here for you, no matter what."

Remus's defenses started to crumble as he leaned into Y/N's comforting presence. "I've been pushing you away because I didn't want you to see me like this, broken and vulnerable."

Y/N gently lifted his chin, making him meet their gaze. "You don't need to hide from me, Remus. We all have scars, physical or emotional, and they don't make us any less worthy of love and care. I love you, all of you, scars and all."

A tear escaped Remus's eye, and Y/N wiped it away with their thumb. Slowly, a small smile formed on his face, and he whispered, "I love you too."

From that moment on, Y/N made it their mission to help Remus heal, both physically and emotionally. They brought him food and stayed by his side, reminding him that he was not alone. The other Marauders were relieved to see their friend coming out of his shell again, and they all supported him through his journey of self-acceptance.

As the days passed, Remus's smile grew more frequent, and he became more comfortable with the person he saw in the mirror. With Y/N's unwavering love and support, Remus learned that he was not defined by his scars, but by the strength of his heart and the love he shared with others.

And so, under the healing moonlight, Remus and Y/N's love blossomed, stronger than ever before, and they faced the future together, knowing that no challenge could break the bond they shared.

#remus lupin #remus lupin angst #remus x reader #remus lupin x reader #remus lupin fluff

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to-be-a-dreamer · 2 hours ago

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Okay so I'm from the Newsies fandom which means I know how to make character backstories out of literally nothing and I'm done with my "This makes no sense what were the writers thinking?" stage of grief after the BuckTommy breakup and it's time to go to work and start asking "What could have happened to make this make sense?".

Because regardless of what you think about Tommy, it's very clear that the writers have characterized him (in the current stage of his life) as someone who has put in a lot of work to become a better person, is a very steady figure, and feels very confident in himself and his identity. We've also been told and shown that he and Buck care for each other a lot and neither of them wanted this relationship to end. So the question is, what happened in Tommy's past that could have caused this very confident, mature person to realize he's falling in love with his partner and then choose to leave?

"I'm your first, not your last."

How many times has Tommy been someone's first? How many times has he shown another man this new side of himself, taught them what it means to be queer and how to love yourself for it, and been left behind once they figured themselves out? How many times has he been someone's first and had a whirlwind romance, only to be left brokenhearted because his partners had a whole new world opened up to them only to realize they didn't want Tommy to be a part of that world?

Does Tommy think of himself as the guy people have fun with, not the guy they want to marry? Does Tommy think there's something wrong with him, that there's a reason no one ever sees a future with him? Do you think he's always told himself that he would keep trying, that it's worth the potential heartbreak to find out if this next guy might be the one who stays?

Did the way Buck was talking about their relationship being transformative for him just sound too familiar? Did he think Buck liked him because he was showing him something new, not because he could ever actually love someone like Tommy? Do you think he could never imagine Buck liking him anywhere near as much as Tommy liked him?

Do you think he realized he was falling in love with Buck, and the idea of losing him like all the others was just too much? Do you think he knew the potential heartbreak of someone as incredible as Buck deciding he didn't want Tommy in his future wasn't worth it this time? Do you think he was afraid of falling in love with Buck, of falling so deeply in love that he wouldn't be able to recover when Buck left him like all the others? Do you think he decided it was better to break things off with Buck before he could finish falling in love with him?

Do you think they could come back from this? That maybe, just maybe, if Tommy told Buck about all of his fears that he could convince Tommy that it is worth it to find out if they could make it?

"I'm not the guy people decide to spend their life with. They- you'll finish figuring yourself out and realize you don't want a future with me. And that's okay, I just... I don't want to let myself finish falling in love with you first because I won't survive losing you after that."

"Do you think that little of me? That I'm just using you for my own personal gain and that I'll leave you in the dust as soon as I get what I want?"

"I... No. No, I don't think you would do that."

"Then give us a chance. Let me show you that this is more than just an awakening for me. Let me prove that I want to finish falling in love with you too."

Because I think that's what Tommy's afraid of. He's a person who's spent a lot of time self-reflecting and he knows himself so well, especially his faults. I think he’s afraid of Buck seeing all of those faults and realizing he doesn’t love Tommy as much as he thought he did. Loving someone means you see every part of them and want to be with them anyways.

I think Tommy is terrified of falling in love with someone because he can't imagine anyone loving him back.

#i kinda want to write a fic about tommy being a victim on a call #therfore forcing him and buck to have a come to jesus moment about all this #but we shall see #anyways i think tommy is a facinating character and i will never forgive toxic fans with no imagination for ruining his potential #give me characters with shitty origins who put in the work to become better people #give me characters who are allowed to grow and change and become more than just products of their upbringing #tommy's storyline could have been so incredible if we'd been allowed to see how he got from where he started to where he is now #alas i'll just have to do it myself i guess #tommy kinard #evan buck buckley #buck buckley #bucktommy #buck x tommy #tevan #911 spoilers #911 abc #911 show

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pinkumiilku · 1 year ago

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Sanji’s Eating Disorder Analysis (Long Post).

I’ve tried posting about this before, but it felt a bit rushed and not nearly detailed enough, so I’m trying again, wording it differently this time.

Trigger Warning here for anyone not comfortable with discussions involving eating disorders.

Sanji is an incredibly well written character, and this we know. You can find multiple character analysis posts I’ve written about him before, ranging from his demeanor as an adult, to childhood trauma, to even very present buddhist metaphors.

One of the reasons I’m desperate to figure out just how much effort and time Oda put into this character, is because Sanji very clearly represents a specific set of people (or children) who have suffered at the hands of abuse. Thus, creating a self sacrificial and self deprecating personality, while still trying to be kind and compassionate. Sadly, this compassion is directed towards anyone but himself. Obviously there is so much more to say, but that’s the core gist of things when it comes to the StrawHats’ chef.

Specifically when it comes to food however, Oda surprised us yet again, with what I believe to be a very clear depiction of eating disorders, or rather, the mindset behind one. I’m confident writing about this since I’ve been battling against one myself, and Oda seems to have somewhat confirmed his character’s dissent into an eating disorder in an alternate, negative, timeline. Although I would think his to be focused on food restriction, Oda depicted Sanji as having a binging pattern instead. This changes things slightly, but I believe the core message remains the same.

Now, in order to understand Sanji’s actions, we first need to understand the core basics of what could cause an ED in the first place. It’s very common for patients to suffer from forms of depression and post traumatic stress disorder, leading to a gradual loss of motivation and will to even perform basic tasks such as survival. What ends up happening in most cases, is that an ED pattern will create itself, gradually becoming more drastic, until the patient develops an addiction, satisfies a deep seated need for control, and is oftentimes begging for help. Again, these are just core basics to start and dissect Sanji’s story, behaviors and personality bit by bit.

This leads me to analyze Sanji’s adult design first. While Oda’s art style has changed many times, and characters look nothing like their original selves, we had a very clear Lupin lookalike, with a stick thin figure, making hands and feet seem somewhat disproportionate. This silhouette alone was enough to tell us something important. This was a character that, compared to others, was clearly at some sort of disadvantage. Especially working as a chef, in a restaurant where all other staff members seem to be at a healthy weight, Sanji sticks out like a sore thumb. Even amongst his own crew, he (used to be) the most frail looking male character. This may just be how Oda happened to design him, but considering how meticulous he used to be over details on his characters, I believe this to have been intentional. If character design in general is meant to tell us a story, Sanji’s was immediately not one of physical strength.

And, indeed, it doesn’t take long for One Piece to confirm Sanji’s past being one of misfortune, starvation, and illness. The fact that starvation will be a reoccurring theme in Sanji’s story alone was enough to convince me of a potential underlining ED discussion. As a child, after being saved by the only kind man in his life, they will both be stranded on a rock in the middle of the ocean, with no food for 85 days (about 3 months). At this point, Sanji will reminisce on how he’d disregarded food’s importance in the past, bursting into tears. Similarly, when it comes to behaviors driven by an ED, there is a constant level of shame patients go through, over, again, “disregarding” nutrition, without realizing they are being driven by their illness. This would lead Sanji to feed any starving person he’d ever come across, no matter their actions, history or background. However, along with that, come some “odd” behaviors on his behalf involving food. Starting from an extremely early addiction to nicotine to “scuttle the sense of taste” (very specific wording there, Oda), leading us to notice how in One Piece, at least pre time skip, scenes of common living on the ship were very common and endearing. Amongst these scenes would be plenty of meals, and within said meals, plenty of panels of characters eating. However, finding specific instances of Sanji eating becomes significantly more challenging. While they are there (I’m referring to the manga), they are almost always exclusively related to some sort of plot device. Essentially, Sanji is never (or rarely) shown eating for the sake of eating. This was in my opinion absolutely not accidental on Oda’s behalf.

Sanji finds comfort in his duty as primary caregiver of the ship, at least when it comes to nutrition. This allows him time alone (as he was portrayed as introverted and soft spoken at first), and gives him the freedom to eat at will without any external input on the matter. In other words, this allows for control.

I believe his first interaction with Gin, a starving man too stubborn to ask for help, to be very striking.

“I know starvation better than anyone. While I understand if you want to die with dignity, you wouldn’t be able to see tomorrow if you don’t eat.” Reminiscing over the ocean’s cruelty, and above all, understanding the pride that comes with said starvation, leads us to think there has been a definite and untold struggle.

Lastly, since this post is becoming seriously too long, in Whole Cake Island, we’re finally introduced to Sanji’s proper history, where he is confirmed to be an exiled prince from a cruel and sadistic monarchy. Particularly, we are shown how expectations led to horrific instances of abuse, focusing on how his interest in cooking would be mocked, and banned. This way, Sanji’s self sacrificial and self loathing personality in the present, while not explicit, becomes very, very clear and easy to understand. Obviously, we could talk about the various types of trauma Sanji suffers from in the present day, but for the sake of this post’s theme, I will focus only on some. After being locked underground, in an iron mask, he had to accept an unacceptable reality for any child. He could never make up for the fact he was born. He could never be good enough. He could never obtain love. Or so he thought. This makes it easier to see how Sanji needed a form of control to keep himself sane, especially one which gave him some sort of validation on his mother’s behalf, when she praised his cooking.

Once he will be dragged back to his abusive family as an adult, deciding to abandon his crew to protect them, Luffy will go on a hunger strike until he gets his chef back. The StrawHat captain is extremely emotionally intelligent, beyond being physically strong, and he will show Sanji exactly what he went through, and is going through, on his own skin, as if to have Sanji look in the mirror, and perhaps truly see how cruel and heartless he’d been towards himself. How crucial health is, and how loved he is by his found family.

Oda clearly used food and nutrition as forms of love in his story. And in the case of Sanji, he needed a physical manifestation of his hurt, addiction and control. In other words, he used food as a way to control, manipulate and handle love, or a lack thereof his entire life, the exact same way ED patients do.

That being said, Oda, as always, represented and talked about a community and a type of suffering that are not often talked about, and he did it remarkably well.

And with that, may you all be well and safe. Recovery is always possible, just as it was for this character.

#sanji #one piece #ed tw #anorexia trigger warning #eating disorder #starcloud rants

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stars-mischief · 9 days ago

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hey

what does it feel like, knowing you're neurodivergent? i keep looking into different habits i have and it's something i think about a lot, but i always just feel more broken the more i look

so what is it like? and how do you know for sure?

;; angst beneath the cut

[ he goes silent for a moment, debating how to best approach this scenario ]

...

[ he looks up at the anon and speaks ]

well, it's different for everyone, i suppose.

for me, especially in the early stages of my life, it was really isolating.

as a child, i never really "fit in" with the people around me. i mean, void, i didn't have many friends until i was 18 years old.

though most have grown distant.. since i moved to the valley..

i couldn't understand why i didn't fit in. moreover, other people seemed to notice things about me and were very abrasive.

they.. they didn't like how i was different, i suppose.

i felt different, too.

no matter how hard i tried, no matter how much i wanted them to like me, they.. they never did.

oftentimes i'd watch someone else say something and i'd notice how their jokes always seemed to land. so, i'd try to strike up a conversation. only to be met with strange looks and sideways glances, as if i somehow said the wrong thing without realizing it.

it.. it was really disheartening.

there were times in my life when i found myself thinking: "why am i not like anyone else? why don't i fit in?" and, eventually, i convinced myself that there must be something wrong with me..

so, i decided that i would "fix it".

i carefully watched other people's behaviors and mimicked them as if they were my own, all because i thought that if i was more like them and less like.. me.. that they'd actually want to be my friend.

i found myself following the trends just so i could have the slightest thing in common with them, even though it didn't make me happy or i didn't enjoy the trends that much..

eventually, i began to morph into a dull, "normal" version of myself. or, that's what i was telling myself, anyway. in truth, there are points in my life where i look back and.. i don't recognize the man i see.

but it didn't matter. i convinced myself that, if people didn't like me for being different, then i wouldn't be different ever again. i would like what they liked, i would crush any undesirable behavior, i would become normal, even if it caused me to lose myself.

...and, it did. for a long time.

it didn't help that, while i was going through this, another crisis occurred (transgenderism beam). i never felt more confused in my life. and, no matter where i looked, no one seemed to be able to relate to my experiences. i felt completely and totally alone.

i hate that feeling.

...

so, a few years pass and im still masking almost constantly.

its exhausting, to say the least. but i kept it up.

i have never truly found a place where i felt like i belonged. i was always the "weird" kid, i was always "different", i was always "too much". but, i wanted to find that place so, so badly..

so i forced myself to hide any interest that was deemed "weird" by other people, i forced myself to hide how happy and passionate these interests made me. all because i wanted people to like me.

and, they did, i suppose.. i had what i always wanted; people liked me and didn't think of me as weird or a freak.. so why wasn't i happy?

i could never figure that part out and i was too exhausted from the constant masking to try.

...

anyway, i manage to make a few friends during this period of time (mainly by sticking to their interests and only mentioning things i knew they liked)..

and, i began developing an interest that was different from theirs.

it was something that i was super passionate about and it brought me immense happiness every time it was mentioned.. plus, my brain was craving some dopamine. all those years of wearing the exhaustive mask were.. well, talking a toll.

i didn't think much about it at the time and began happily rambling about this new interest.. but, this person, whom i considered a really good friend, absolutely hated it. and they hated me, too, i would later realize.

i guess i got a little too carried away while talking and, without realizing, the mask slipped away. i was just so excited - i had to share this interest with one of my favorite people, you know?

but.. it didn't exactly end up that way, huh.

this person.. ah.. they blatantly insulted one of my passions and then proceeded to call me annoying (among other things) for talking about it, or even enjoying it.

i took it to heart, i suppose..

void, it even still affects me - nearly five years later.

i.. that interaction.. it made me feel incredibly self conscious.

now, whenever i find something i'm passionate about, i tend to enjoy it silently.. by myself.

i feel that, whenever i say more than three words about something that interests me.. whoever i'm talking to will be put off. that they'll find it annoying and tell me to shut up. and i'll be nothing more than i was all those years ago: a scared little kid, all alone, dealing with this confusing world.

i never want to feel like that again.

i don't want anyone else to feel like that, either.. which is why i make a conscious effort to remember everyone's favorite things and ask them about their interests..

it's absolutely awful having someone you care about be so rude and dismissive about something you enjoy...

...

but, to answer your question, i don't think there is a defined way to "know for sure" - at least one that i've found..

you know, it's crazy, but people who aren't neurodivergent seem to have a "second sense" for finding those who are and, subsequently, they choose to be complete and utter assholes.

just because someone is "different".

but you don't deserve that, no one deserves that.

despite what everyone may think, being neurodivergent is not a bad thing.

it's amazing. it allows you to understand things differently than traditional methods, it allows you to enter periods of hyperfocus and do things that (typically) take a week in one afternoon.

you are not broken. you will never be broken - not to me, anyway.

you are amazing and perfectly capable and so, so worthy of love and should be able to express yourself without feeling like you're doing something wrong.

oftentimes, being neurodivergent can feel like, no matter how hard you try, the world seems to reject you and your efforts. it wants to squish you down and remove the individuality out of you. it wants you to become what they see as "normal".

please, from the bottom of my heart, don't give in. don't let them make you into what they want to see or what you think will please them..

it's so, so exhausting and it takes years to remove that mask and unlearn the behaviors. sometimes you can't unlearn them, though.. and they haunt your mind and fill it with self doubt.

yeah, it's scary.. and isolating.. and overwhelming sometimes.. but when you're in your element? when you're surrounded by supportive and like minded people? when you find the place you truly belong? it's amazing.

um.. anyway..

...

i hope this was insightful.. but, like i said, everyone's experiences are different.

#ask star ⭐#💫 star angst 💫#⭐ lore unlocked ⭐#⭐ insecurity unlocked ⭐#;; choosing not to use the sdv tags 4 this one #;; just out of respect for everyone else #cw internal ableism

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