#how to spend your birthday
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For people who are interested in QSMP but don’t have time to watch hundreds of hours worth of VODs, I’ve created the QSMP VOD Timestamp Archive!
The archive includes timestamps for cool quotes, important lore, funny interactions, and more!
Complete VOD playlists, recaps, and additional resources are also included in the document for people who might be feeling overwhelmed by the amount of QSMP content out there. It’s never too late to get into the series!
Want to help? Consider writing down a few timestamps when important things happen in the stream you’re watching, then send them my way so I can add it to the archive!
I am just one person, so this archive is by no means comprehensive, but I’m constantly updating things and adding more streams and timestamps to the document. I’ve been working on this project since April and there are several hundred VODs covered in the archive, so I hope people find it useful!
[ Check out the VOD Timestamp Archive here! ]
#QSMP#Quackity#It's my birthday today so I demand that people look at this#The archives actually legitimately take so much work#and frankly I should NOT be spending so much time doing it#and yet....#@ QSMP: toss a coin to your local archivist#I designed this while on break at work a while ago#I think it's pretty nifty#Tumblr please stop deleting my alt image text. I beg of you#Q#It's always really nice hearing people say how much they use the archive / how much they appreciate it :')#Thanks guys
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Don't come to see me again. Throw them away for me. There's no point in keeping them. It's all in the past.
KISEKI: DEAR TO ME Ep. 12
#kiseki: dear to me#kisekiedit#kdtm#kiseki dear to me#ai di x chen yi#chen yi x ai di#louis chiang#chiang tien#jiang dian#nat chen#chen bowen#userspring#uservid#userrain#userspicy#userjjessi#*cajedit#*gif#do you ever Ow.#because man. ow#i think a lot about chen yi apologizing for not coming to visit him sooner and how that means#for the better part of a year he was sifting through himself#figuring out exactly how he felt and what he thought ai di felt before he could confront him#and then ai di was like 'it doesnt mean anything :)'#AFTER ALL THAT?#ALSO 'youre supposed to spend your birthday with the one you like' AND CHEN YI HOLDING UP THE EVIDENCE#OF AI DI TRYING TO SPEND THEIR BIRTHDAY WITH *HIM*#AND AI DI HAVING TO FACE THAT LIKE. SHIT. shit. chen yi knows. and then still trying to brush it off.....??......godddddddd...#like damn if i had been chen yi i'd have cried too
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wouldnt it be so fucked up tho. time travel. the chain's circadian rhythms would be completely destroyed... u can't tell me all the portals would lead them to the same exact time of day across eras, and even if they did the days are shorter in winter and longer in summer, and the amount of daylight they get is going to vary drastically, and the time they spend in each location is going to be impossible to count right. u can tally days, sure, but how do u tally half-days and half-nights when the portals send them straight from dusk to dawn, evening straight into noon, morning into midnight. how do u count that. when do u sleep. how long have u been walking? how old are u?
#linked universe#listen. i. listen. legend probably obsessively tallies the time they spend in every era but do u think he ever lies awake at night wonderin#whether his counting is off by hours? or days? or months?#i love it when the passage of time gets a bit wibbly. (wobbly even.) liminal.#and this gets worse when you consider that perhaps time is not passing in their own eras at the same speed. are they going to return to#when they left a la phantom hourglass? are they going to wake up into the future a la botw? how old are they? whens your birthday?#do you. do you think they ever hold a joint birthday party. for all of them together. lost together in time#also i just. how do they coordinate mealtimes. and sleeping. how do they#🐝#the vibes. the subtle psychological horror of time travel
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okay. hello guys. my bad for not responding to stuff or being as active recently, had a lot of work to be done and other stuff to focus on that took a lot of my time. I wanted to make more art, but I unfortunately had to put that energy into other things (which got to the point where I could not put them off any longer and had to stay working on it). I know I missed a lot of stuff and I'm sorry for it
#unfortunately there are moments where i am forced back into reality#and i remember that i cannot actually spend my life creating and hiding away forever!!! crazy#honestly a lot of it has also been the fact that i am just tired everytime i get home#and my health issues that have been steadily building up#they're really catching up on me and ive been having to visit the clinic more than im happy with#theres just a constant sense of fatigue nowadays#also uh#admittedly my interesting in Alien Stage has been waning#not replaced by any other media in particular. just started focusing on irl life stuff more often#which is why i barely post on shakingparadigm anymore/dont really post anything of substance#its really mostly this alnst oc thing that makes me want to stay because i genuinely enjoy and adore what we've created here#im pretty invested in this even though im not as invested in the source material anymore#not to say i dont like alnst anymore! i still do. i just don't dedicate all my attention to it anymore#which is for the best actually. because admittedly the things and time i have sacrificed for alnst did create a few consequences#sometimes i forget how bad a hyperfixation can fuck me up#again I'm really sorry for everything I've missed#and for being late to apris birthday#and the solauri round#and more#amazing stuff that you guys have made#me bones just dont work like they used to i fear. please give me time#im.sorry again#sorry this post might seem kind of depressing#just dont mind it if you want#thanks for your time#misc#rant#(?)#vent
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in another universe, im not always this sad
(trauma dump in the tags for no reason readers be warned)
#just the audio im listening to#waiting for the sleepy pills#this world or the next one#ill figure it out eventually#i was told today that i deserve to want to be alive#and that was a confounding statement to read#because I’ve never felt that way#I’ve always felt like a burden or something akin#like the weight of me on the world is too heavy for what it’s worth#do other people not feel that way?#is it not normal to be overwhelmed by the responsibilities of making it this far?#or is it the fact that my birthday is coming too quickly.the anniversary of losing my brother.#the first night i learnt what my mothers fists felt like#or how badly it hurt to break your nose#it’s almost comforting that ill be spending my birthday alone#because no one can hurt me on it#ill carry the shit I’ve been through the rest of my life#and if dealing with that trauma makes me unlovable that’s okay#i have to think that’s okay#wow this got emo#huh#sorry abt that#hope you don’t read this
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This is random MH ranting but last year I brought this G2 Frankie doll from a thrift store that my friend told me about (said friend who very enthusiastically pushed me to buy this doll cause she knew how much I liked MH, like, on the low tho…) So I’ve had this G2 Frankie in her box for like… a little over a year now. Her box was broken open at the bottom since I got her but since then, it’s only gotten worse. So now the dilemma is taking Frankie out of her box. And not only that, now I’ve got to take care of her, buy her little doll stand, brush her hair (maybe change this God Awful G2 outfit)—
Anyway. I’ve should of seen this coming last year. You don’t just BUY a G2 Frankie and except nothing to come from it. You just don’t collect MH items and stay a normal person. Should’ve seen this coming.
#random meaningless words on your screen#monster high posting#/mild sarcasm#the g2 outfit SUCKS#so#I gotta get her right#I’m not complaining I’m just… flabbergasted that this is how I might spend the waking hours of my 21st birthday#this is real life and I need suggestions on where to buy doll clothes#the genuine MH doll people scare the living shit out of me but I’ll go ask them if I need to#so much rant not enough substance
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I'm just always a bitch to everyone apparently and I'm told to go upstairs... certain people wonder why I stay in my room all the time
#el speaks#delete later#this is about my mother lol#I just can't be exhausted#she needs to learn that I just sound like a bitch all the time seriously I just talk like this (especially tired)#god I'm sorry I'm not always happy and feel comfortable talking to you or your boyfriend#he can't even talk to me face to face he always runs and hides behind you#“I asked her something and she was grumpy :(” like omg dude seriously? did I hurt your fucking feelings? oh gee I'm so fucking sorry#“things never go my way” -my mother#oh yeah? how do you think I feel? oh you don't#I try to care about you all the time but you never give me the same treatment#god you have no idea how much I wanna speak my mind fully#I try to fucking spend time with you even in small ways like going grocery shopping but that was still impossible#I can never get a word in about anything you're a broken record#“my job sucks and my boyfriend won't be here for my birthday :(”#sorry but shit happens sorry my presence isn't enough#I really do try... but man#also I think I got triggered or something? dogs get to me man#maybe I am just a bitch and if so? all well#wonder why
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I'm alive!!!!
#sometimes I just do other internet things instead of tumblr haha#but I am good!!#it's been busy#also I had my birthday#I am now in EARLY FORTIES#next year it will be MID#what is life#it's just weird how time works#and how you have to spend so much of your life being really bad at it!!!!#it would be nice if we could live longer just so you could have more time to benefit from life lessons you've learned#although probably we would just find new and more inventive ways of screwing things up#as you do#I'm still really addicted to Stardew Valley#it's never lasted this long so I'm not sure if I should be concerned#but I have also been doing a lot of reading#work has slowed down so that's good#also I have been weirdly into watching professional football this fall#not a specific team#just kind of overall#like I have a handful of teams whose fates mildly interest me#I think it's because there is this guy on YouTube who is doing a series called If the NFL Was Scripted#and I am just amazed at how he has created an entire lore#based around events that he actually can't predict or plan#ANYWHO#today I have sooooo much painting to do!!#it's ridiculous#I thought I was past this part of home renovation#but here we are#it's sucky painting too#lots and lots of trim
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#unfuckingbelievable#fellas#is it enough to take the day off from work to spend time with your spouse on your anniversary#and then not even bother saying ‘happy anniversary’ because it’s y’know OBVIOUS why you took the day off?#forget a card or flowers or anything else for that matter#because those didn’t happen either#but not even saying a perfunctory *happy anniversary* because it’s *obvious*?#i guess that can be the new standard for birthdays too! why not?#and for the record that ‘spending time’ was fucking up an autistic woman’s morning routine#and then staying face planted in a phone before spending an hour in choice paralysis not knowing what tv show to watch#over two decades lads#and we don’t say ‘happy anniversary’ because we both know the date and it’s OBVIOUS#un. fucking. believable.#i do not even know how to express the hurt right now#like i had my expectations so low you only have to step over them#and yet#i feel like a real fucking asshole just venting about this#but even my shitty dad got my mother a card every year on their anniversary#and this one supposedly likes me#in an aroace kind of way#does being aromantic preclude a person from saying ‘I’m glad i married you’?#it doesn’t have to be said with flowers but it could at least be said#i am begging for clear communication and all i got was a bunch of ‘well it’s obvious innit’#over two decades#and i make pie every week#and this is what i get#💔
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haha people who have normal relationships with their fathers where they didn’t grow up being constantly made to feel dumb/unimportant/annoying…. what’s that like babes hahaha
#autism doesn’t make you a bad parent. unmanaged/unaddressed autism combined with a general lack of consideration for everyone around you…#now THAT will fuck your kid up.#autistic people often struggle with eye contact. that’s cool no problem i can still engage in conversation like that.#buuut when you’re four and super exited to tell your dad what you did that day and he literally doesn’t acknowledge your presence??#and it’s that across your entire LIFETIME? your entire childhood and teen years and fuck it even your adult life????? THAT SHIT SUCKS#and THEN the only times you CAN get a conversation out of him it’s an argument where he WILL not stop talking over you#and scoffing at every single word you say#and raising his voice as he tells you how stupid you’re being#ummmmmmmmmm yeeaaahhhh okie dokie. a lifetime of that might ummm… lead to a few issues.#oh wait i forgot the third category of interaction: listening to him complain about something absolutely meaningless. for 20mins.#just killing the mood of any conversation.#you’re watching tv it’s fun everyone’s having fun!! yayyy yippee isn’t this nice#and then someone on tv will say ‘up and down the country’ (goofy but harmless phrase) and suddenly all you can hear is a rant#about the banality of overused idioms and phrases.#LIKE!! can you fucking lighten up for five fucking seconds. please.#idk man. my mum and i spent our whole morning travelling out to some random shop wayyyy out of our way. requires multiple buses to get there#JUST to get him a birthday present. because we thought it was fun and cute and because it’s very personal to him.#like we built our DAY around this. we spent £120 on this. FOR HIM!! because we thought he’d enjoy it!!!!#and we’re spending all day tomorrow wrapping his presents and hand making cards and planning the cake i will be baking for him#and he gets home from work and. IMMEDIATELY starts picking a fight.#like we had a lovely day. we had SUCH a good day. and a lot of it was about doing stuff FOR HIM for HIS BIRTHDAY!!!#which we were HAPPY AND EXITED TO DO!!!!!#and he fucking ruins the whole thing.#now my mum is sleeping on the sofa because she’s so angry at the way he was talking to me and i’m typing this bullshit.#and. he just. he doesn’t care. he doesn’t get it. he literally cannot comprehend why we’re upset at him.#he can’t see anything from anyone else’s perspective. he can’t comprehend the idea that maybe just maybe HE was the one being unkind.
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Today is my… ahem Emilio’s birthday!
Happy birthday, Señor Writer <3
He’s “good” now so he deserves to have a kind-looking version of his picrew (and I gave him a pocket watch because he does have a pocket watch. With the portrait of his family inside)
#Was Born To Lead#My OCs#Emilio Serrano#Don’t you love it when you create a character and then after analyzing your own writing#you come to the conclusion that they’re hopelessly self insert#This is what happened to Emilio 🥳#I can’t wait for the moment when I get to the eagle and the crow chapter I can already sense I’ll burst into tears#especially in the end#because yeah#sounds familiar dude#Anyway he’s finally living his life the best way possible#So let’s wish to him it’s going to stay so for at least a few months <3#You know I’m editing the new chapter now#and Emilio is so awkward there :’D#Although what else do you want from a person who has no idea how to communicate#he’s trying his best#Ajdhnfjf I’m so tempted to put one of his lines here but I don’t want to ruin the experience of reading it in the context :’D#because it actually makes it somewhat funnier#Anyway happy birthday to him again#I can assure you he first spends this day with his colleagues at work and finally notices how much they all love him there#catches a moment with Valerio his new best friend#and then spends it with his family the dearest people to him <3#Oh and today I also published the eagle and the crow chapter#It's been ONE YEAR since I've written it#Insane#Ajhdkfk and it also means I've written only six chapters in the past year :'D#Yeah....
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It is an odd and humbling experience to read the names on gravestones and the birth & death dates
#the gravestone i painted was for a guy who was born the same year i was#it's strange to think about because he died in 2020 and it's like. i was getting ready to spend my first christmas married#and you were dead before christmas#now i'm still here going on and your kids are fatherless for the rest of their lives#seeing people who got married on my birthday or were born on a loved one's birthday#or died on a loved one's birthday#seeing people the same age or a little older or younger than my parents' stones#knowing i'm probably the same age or around the same age as their kids#previously would have been bad for my anxiety but it does make you think about how many people are losing someone they love every day#and a reminder to hold your loved ones close and not take them for granted#don't put off spending time with them if you want to
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idk a man is sick of not celebrating its birthday with a group close knit friends and food like everyone else is that too much to ask
#abc shut it#it it not to much to ask to feel loved and respected by those who claim to love me?#if i have to spend one more birthday alone i swear to god#if i have to spend one more birthday doing the same ahit as always i will make my 30th One To Remember :))#vent#but any attempts i try to put myself out there and make friends and be myself no one wants it#the ppl i’m friends with now i can’t even relate too or keep up with#i try to talk with new ppl and i just feel like i’m belittled and talked down too#alll my problems step from having something fundemtnally wrong with me that i can’t fix#that just makes ppl not wanna be my friend or do anything with me#‘it’s bc your such a downer’ i try not to be! but it’s hard when you feel like your invisible to everyone even those who care about you#like what am /I/ doing wrong???? no one wants to tell me than just try harder and do it scared and alone#as if i haven’t been doing shit scared and alone and sick of it#but i’m never allowed a word on edgewise in any conversation#how am i suppose to learn to socialize when no one lets me talk or participate
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#....................................#everyone please look away .. ha.. i just need to save this somewhere#ha.. jongseong-ah. happy birthday#happy; happy birthday#my jongseong who has grown so much who has worked so hard who went through so much#jongseong who i have loved for a long time#jongseong who is unapologetic with everything he does.#jongseong-ah.. i love you. thank you for making me happy thank you for being born thank you for always working hard. thank you for always#trying to be a better version of yourself#jongseong who thinks his iland self is embarrassing and shameful and doesnt want new engenes to see him then.. i will never understand how#it was for you and all i can do is be sad and upset with you. but iland is how i got to know the jay that was so selfless so hardowrking#so kind and so thoughtful... i think it's sad and somewhat ironic that the version that you dislike is the one i fell in love with first#jongseong i hope you continue to live your life without regrets. i hope you always have courage and strength to carry on no matter what#happens. i hope you dont think so little of yourself and gain more confidence. i hope you know that so many people love you#i hope you continue to do all the things you love with the people you love and those who love you. i hope youre surrounded by people that#take care of you as much as you take care of them. i hope you spend your days with a light heart#jongseong who's born in the spring whose love is so warm and sincere who's like a light that makes my heart bloom#i love you. let's be happy let's be together for a long time. take care and eat well.#happy happy birthday jongseong-ah.#0420
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Having a totally normal one* after waking from a dream where I just relive life with my ex. It was so normal and fine and we did things such as lay around in bed and make plans for the day, go to the Korean supermarket on the corner, go to a friend's house together.
#*if it were in the evening i would be drinking enough to finally drink dial and just fucking ASK all the questions i am making up answers to#what did you want? what do you want now?? honestly could you find it in your heart to hate me and never wanna see me again?#because me saying 'i don't think we should talk for a while' and you saying 'id really like to be friends' are obviously Not It#omg im going to spend my birthday alone for the first time....nearly ever and im just going to go to work and be miserable#i havent been able to stop chewing on the idea of me visiting when i head down to see the fam for christmases#i want him to want me back sooooo bad!!!!#i still think about that dream where i made him pasta#would i take him back? depends on what he said#as much as im pathetic im not an idiot and id need clear evidence to show that he 1. knows what he wants (involving me) and#2. is going to ask for it#because i don't think i ever heard him say a single thing about what he wanted for our future#never said 'hey i want to see you when are you free for me to come up?'#is probably fucking dating now anyway and doesnt WANT me to remember him on new years (our best guess anniversary)#or ask to call because i want to ask questions that will be hard to answer#when all ive ever wanted is the TRUTH#not the strategic answer just the gods honest truth#and i suspect that is 'i dont want to date you i havent for a while i didnt know how to stop or what i wanted instead'#and then i could go home break every object in ny house and move on#try a dating app ot something else to attempt to look forward instead of back#so as you can see -totally normal one
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tag limit hit ho gayi yaar
#haan toh main kya bol rahi thi.#haan unhone sab itna jaldi kiya cheek pe kiss bhi kiya i was like arey please no aap rakho itne saare paise i can't 😭#cause she already bought me that hoodie for like 700 rs#she was like i can't be here for your birthday na#bhai meko toh rona hi aa gaya itna saara pyaar i swear mere parents ko iska 1% bhi nahi hai mujhse😭😭#and money has been tight bachpan se cause shit happened in like 2013 or something and since then we've all been single#mindedly striving for highest paying jobs best education and now that she's finally there (touchwood)#i think it means a lot to her being able to spend money freeely for her loved ones#and with her idk i do believe that she loves me yes because she said ek baari when she was crying because kuch kuch hua tha#but also attending meeting office ki online rote hue sob karte hue kyunki parents time dekhkar thodi na ladte hai#and i didn't know how to help her and i knew they were. fighting subah se and she hadn't eaten anything so i made her cornflakes ka doodh#(her fav) and gave it to her table pe but it just made her sob much much harder and she couldn't drink it😭#but later on she said ki im so thankful i have you mujhe dikh raha tha ki you wanted to help but you didn't know kaise karu still you tried#and just you being there was enough in that moment#like i don't know why im thinking all this today maybe because bua is here home and she was home that time too it happened in front of her#all this she's the only person who knows what kinda shit dad does#and just. past few weeks i really genuinely wanted to kms like i would sit in morning class and i would look down at my hands and see the#veins and think one cut and it would all be over you're so tired i know you can rest now#it got so bad that i started wearing full sleeve clothes only so i couldn't look at them#but now. i won't say it's completely gone that feeling but like#i want to live because so many plans i have to with my sister how can i leave her alone#like not just for her but for me for us i want us to be happy together like we planned#like yk us as a unit doing things we've always dreamed of visiting places and bachelorette parties and clubbing and living with her and her#bf/husband when i need somewhere to run to and going on a no budget shopping spree and storing ice cream tubs in our house#like they used to do in american movies and her having kids me getting over my disgust for them helping her raise them clean them being#the masi and#I DON'T KNOW OKAY OMG😭#i felt so loved finally after a long time SACH MEIN real way mein#oh pata hai she also offered to pay mere tui ki fees bc i was complaining to mom ki papa kaise taunt maarte hai😭#like it's 20 fucking thousand waise toh kam hi hai but as a salaried person it's still a lot 😭
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