#i havent been able to stop chewing on the idea of me visiting when i head down to see the fam for christmases | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

artemisbarnowl · 1 year ago

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Having a totally normal one* after waking from a dream where I just relive life with my ex. It was so normal and fine and we did things such as lay around in bed and make plans for the day, go to the Korean supermarket on the corner, go to a friend's house together.

#*if it were in the evening i would be drinking enough to finally drink dial and just fucking ASK all the questions i am making up answers to #what did you want? what do you want now?? honestly could you find it in your heart to hate me and never wanna see me again?#because me saying 'i don't think we should talk for a while' and you saying 'id really like to be friends' are obviously Not It #omg im going to spend my birthday alone for the first time....nearly ever and im just going to go to work and be miserable #i havent been able to stop chewing on the idea of me visiting when i head down to see the fam for christmases #i want him to want me back sooooo bad!!!!#i still think about that dream where i made him pasta #would i take him back? depends on what he said #as much as im pathetic im not an idiot and id need clear evidence to show that he 1. knows what he wants (involving me) and #2. is going to ask for it #because i don't think i ever heard him say a single thing about what he wanted for our future #never said 'hey i want to see you when are you free for me to come up?'#is probably fucking dating now anyway and doesnt WANT me to remember him on new years (our best guess anniversary)#or ask to call because i want to ask questions that will be hard to answer #when all ive ever wanted is the TRUTH #not the strategic answer just the gods honest truth #and i suspect that is 'i dont want to date you i havent for a while i didnt know how to stop or what i wanted instead'#and then i could go home break every object in ny house and move on #try a dating app ot something else to attempt to look forward instead of back #so as you can see -totally normal one

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