#and then i could go home break every object in ny house and move on

[artemisbarnowl]

Having a totally normal one* after waking from a dream where I just relive life with my ex. It was so normal and fine and we did things such as lay around in bed and make plans for the day, go to the Korean supermarket on the corner, go to a friend's house together.

[khaotic-kitsunes]

Instincts

This is all because I entered a bunch of numbers for my scenario ideas into a randomiser list thingy-ma-bob. It chose werewolf!tamaki fucking the poor fem!reader and well...now you guys get to read it!

Same as always, be sure to let me know what you think, and enjoy~

🥃 AO3 🥃

Cheeky Kitsune 🦊💋

.

 You frowned as you stepped into your home, having only just arrived home after being forced to work overtime on the worst night of the month. Tamaki’s transformation had likely already happened, usually occurring during day’s early sunset; meaning that you had a fully transformed and likely feral werewolf somewhere in your house.

.

 “Bun…ny…”

 .

 A scream escaped your mouth when you were slammed back against the front door, impossibly large hands wrapped around your wrists and holding you up in the air; hot, heavy breath hitting your face as Tamaki sniffed at your vulnerable form.

 Tamaki had never before hurt you in his transformed state, though he constantly worried about doing so; but he had warned you each full moon to be home before his transformation, always muttering something about instincts being uncontrollable during the night.

 “Tamaki…Tamaki you scared me” You let out a shaky breath, closing your eyes as you leaned your head back, allowing him better access to your neck and earning yourself a pleased growl from the unhappy creature in front of you; his large body pressing up against yours until you wrapped your legs around his waist awkwardly. Barely able to do such an action while he was transformed.

 Unlike his human form, Tamaki’s transformed state was some kind of mixture between wolf and human; if you had to describe it at all, it would be closest to the Lycans that were shown in mythology. More wolf than man, monstrously tall and terrifyingly muscled; his fangs were razor sharp and could kill you if he had the urge.

 However, despite the monstrous form, you had easily come to love the werewolf; adjusting to the strange habits and schedules that he went through with a lot of guidance from Tamaki’s human self.

 .

 “Where…? Where were you!”

 .

 His snarl made you gulp nervously, opening your eyes to look up into his demanding stare; you were positive that it would do no good to try and reason with your giant lover. Instead, it made more sense to try and soothe his anger with actions since he understood that. Using your words too much seemed to aggravate the instincts that made his full moon’s personality and pushing your luck was not something you wanted to do.

 “Working.” You gave a simple answer, squirming under his iron-grip slightly in an attempt to get yourself comfortable; however, such attempts seemed to be futile as he simply pushed more of his weight against you. Squishing you against the door like he had done previous times; only this time, his knot wasn’t buried deep inside of you. You still had your clothes on for the moment.

 .

 “I crave you.”

 .

 Those three simple words had your mind reeling, your mouth dropping open in surprise at his sudden statement. It always took you some time to adjust to the bold demands that his instincts gave without fail.

 You were so used to the shy, timid Tamaki that you had fallen in love with.

 .

 “I want…to breed you…overflowing with my seed”

 .

 You were given no time to react as he wrapped one of his large arms around your waist, pulling you under his arm while making his way through your home and to the bed that seemed to be stacked with the pillows Tamaki kept in one of the cupboards. Without fail, each full moon, his instincts would spur him to turn the bed into a place for you to be fucked non-stop. If you remembered correctly, then Tamaki had called it a nest. It was supposed to provide you comfort, his instincts way of courting you as he had tried to explain.

 “Tamaki, wait! I’m still wearing my dress!” You squealed when he threw you onto the mattress, your body hitting the pile of pillows he had prepared while he watched you with a hungry gaze; large hands twitching as he resisted the urge to immediately jump you.

 You knew what he wanted.

 .

 “Move…”

 .

 You inhaled shakily as you turned away from him, crawling a little closer to the pillows as you moved them to where you needed them most; getting yourself comfortable in the pile of pillows with your butt on display for him.

 It took him only a few seconds to tear your clothes away without care, his large body pressing up against you from behind to keep you warm; yet another instinct he maintained throughout the night of the full moon. Anything for your health, Tamaki had never explained why but it was easy enough to figure out.  He couldn’t breed you if you weren’t healthy.

 “Come on, big guy…can’t get me all excited and leave me hanging” You peeked back at him slowly, gasping when you felt the tip of his throbbing cock rub up against your dripping folds; poking and prodding while he rutted up against your body.

 .

 “Be patient. I will fuck you, until you’re too tired…to even speak my name!”

 .

 You cried out as he slammed his hips forwards, one hand moving to wrap around the base of your throat while the other held your body in place; making it that much easier for him to bury himself inside of you with a single thrust.

 His knot was already swollen. You could feel it against your folds, hot and throbbing; thick with a close release promised. Thankfully you knew better than to tease him about such things, instead opting to mewl out his name and enjoy the waves of pleasure that you knew would begin to settle in now that he was inside of you.

 “Tama…so big inside of me~” You cooed out in a soft voice, arching your back when his hips began to move at a harsh pace; the sounds of skin slapping against skin filling the room, the only sound you could hear apart from his heavy breathing above your head.

 You whimpered out when he squeezed down on your throat firmly, snarling at the way your body clenched around his cock; trying to milk him of the cum he hadn’t yet released. Your body was more honest than you could ever be with Tamaki’s instincts and you were perfectly okay with that. Not to mention, Tamaki himself seemed to appreciate it more than your words.

 .

 “Good girl…mine…”

 .

 His possessive growls of pleasure made your cheeks flush in embarrassment while you cried out his name, not bothering to hide the sounds that he managed to drag out of your body; life was too short to be bothered hiding sounds of bliss.

 You couldn’t help but grin as you moaned out his name, quietly whining for more and causing the creature above you to let out a savage-sounding snarl, his weight shifting to press you further into the bed until you were barely able to breath; your pleasure-filled whimpers keeping him alerted to your enjoyment of the treatment.

 “Tama…more~” You choked out a moan when his hips bucked harshly, rocking your entire body forwards before he shifted his position once again; his hot tongue dragging over the skin of your neck slowly, a sign that your precious werewolf was getting serious with you.

 .

 “Settle. Settle…”

 .

 His hands moved from your body, down to the bed as he tried to soothe your needy whimpers, bracing his weight while you reached out for his arms; all too aware of how he was about to fuck you.

 In his transformed state, Tamaki could easily break you beneath his body. However, he instead chose to make you his woman and spoil you with affection; he chose to court you as his life-partner and to fill you with every drop of cum he had to offer.

 His name left your lips in the form of a scream when he began to pound into you, his sharp claws tearing through the mattress from the amount of strength he used to keep you happy and begging for more.

 It wasn’t long before you were screaming his name in bliss, orgasm rocking through your body while he continued to bury himself inside of you; leaving a trail of bitemarks over your spine, yet another sign of affection from the large beast. His way of keeping others away.

 Each thrust of his hips had you pushing back against him, whimpering out his name and desperate to feel his knot inside of you; he was close to knotting you. You could tell by the way he was losing his ability to reign in his strength; it was an adorable tell-tale sign that you had picked up on early into your relationship with him.

 .

 “Take it…my knot, that’s what…you want…I can smell it”

 .

 You whimpered out loudly, babbling unintelligible things while he began to rut up against you with all his strength; each movement forcing your body down into the mattress until a loud, wet pop echoed around the room.

 Followed soon by your cry of shock, your back arching from the sudden fullness that overcame you. As always, Tamaki’s knot was too much for your smaller body and while it no longer hurt you as it had in the beginning, to have such a foreign sized object inside of you; it was still overwhelming.

 Tamaki growled out a low moan from above you, slowly rolling his hips while rubbing his muzzle against the soft skin of your neck, his own form of affection while the two of you waited for the first knot of the night to go down. Many more to go.

 “You gotta…Tamaki, you gotta ease in…you’re too big” You whined out softly, trembling as you turned your head to look at him, gasping when he thrust his hips up roughly, pushing his knot deeper inside of your welcoming body.

 .

 “No. You take me well…such a good bitch for your alpha…”

.

 You groaned quietly, burying your face against the soft pillows he had gathered for you, choosing to instead ride out the slow thrusts he insisted upon doing; able to feel his knot throbbing inside of you and filling you with his hot seed.

 “Hey Tama…?” He grunted in response to your trailed off question, licking at your spine tenderly to soothe the bitemarks he had left behind; a peaceful kind of contentment settling over you.

 “After this one…with the next knot, I want you to keep going…I wanna know what it feels like to have you fuck me until I’m broken…” You smiled at the thought, peeking back at him with a mischievous glint in your eyes; the very same kind that you had had when you first asked Tamaki to fuck you in his transformed state.

 “Will you do that for me, my handsome alpha? Will you break me and breed me?” Tamaki let out a deep, hungry growl at your words, beginning to rut his hips at a faster pace; one of his hands tangling itself into your hair, yanking on it harshly until tears began to prick at your eyes.

 .

 “Break…? I can break…let me…fragile mate, so easy…”

 .

 You choked out a whimper of pleasure when he began to pick up his pace, his knot tugging at your walls harshly with each movement of his hips; the pleasure was already too much for you but the sudden jolts of pain from his harsh movements made you cry out his name in the kind of breathy way that drove your poor werewolf insane.

 Stirring up every desire he had to see you swollen with his seed.

 .

 “I can’t wait…to see you broken and craving me…begging me…”

[gammacousin]

Okay. I’m ready to real talk Black Widow. I don’t want to but as an activist there’s an obligation I have to share and educate. I nerd to forget but I suppose it shows the power of this movie if it brings something real into the light.

*Spoiler Warning. Trigger warning for everything.*

There are some things I want to say that could potentially spoil aspect of the Black Widow film. I also would advise you to skip this post if you have a darker past, if you aren’t interested in getting serious, or wish to skim by, I’m sincerely not judging! I come on here to avoid the universe as well. You do you, I totally still love you if you don’t read this and want to move onto something nerdy or more fun. This isn’t the post for you.

It’s taken me a while to process and organize my thoughts. Skip if you don’t want to hear deep, raw stories.

3

2

Okay. Nerd review first.

The level of girl power and any and all glass ceilings… There is SO much left to do. So much that needs to still be addressed. But seeing 3 women run this show: Yelena, Natasha, and Melina was an absolute joy to observe. This isn’t the end of some hard waged war, it’s the beginning and I beg you; Disney/Marvel. Please give us more of this? It’s so important for young girls to see other girls kicking butt and winning. Quick summary of nerd feelings; Losing Nat still burns. Yelena is a boss.

Okay…Real talk.

I have to get a little deeper here now. My personal story absolutely played into how I felt about this film and I wish I saw some trigger warnings about the material covered. Do I know Black Window’s story? Yes. In and out. I can read it, I can write my FF on it. However. Little to no one knows my story and so absolutely no one is to blame for not warning me. I was not expecting to come out this shook.

I’m sharing this because it’s happening now, today. In the real world. I doubt the film makers had this mind over other social issues, but after feeling like it’s irrelevant, that my pain is somehow less than, I’m realizing through my activism it’s not.

I grew up in a cult where women are not relevant. You matter up to a point. You are useful, to a point. If you’re giving 24/7, you’re not giving enough. If you’re not smiling as you’re doing cult stuff, you’re complacent. In addition to why I’m about to share, my house growing up was not a safe space which is a story for another time. So it’s a stack…this janga-ish game that eventually just comes crashing down.

My trigger started moments after the film started the handing over of the kids. When Alexei chooses the job over the welfare of the girls. Alexei put his two “daughters” in danger to save ‘face’. To put the job ahead of two children…it hit home. In the group I’m from, fathers, mothers, grandparents, siblings will absolutely choose the group over blood. You are nothing and you mean nothing if you ‘defect’. If you break a rule. If you complain. If you say ‘no’. If you put in a bad review for a leader, if you have anything bad at all to say about the organization as a whole. You can confide something deep in someone you trust and it absolutely will come back to hurt you.

The title song shook me completely. This collage of video and images of brainwashing, treating these girls like absolute objects is disgusting in itself. But when you’re raised in this other world, there’s a level of brainwashing that is absolutely unmatched. Videos, books, quizzes, 12 hour lectures, weekly meetings.

People are unified to the point where you lose your own identity. There’s a language- a literally language- words you start to misuse. Verbiage only people in the cult use. Kids of any age will watch any rated film. Frequently the themes are about obedience and or cooperation and the consequences if you do not cooperate/obey. Death is a such a common theme that either you become petrified of your own shadow, petrified of breathing wrong, or turn completely numb. In sharing these videos, the goal is to instill this fear that you will never be enough. That you will die- turn into a charred hot dog of a figure if you do not obey 8 white men - the leaders, in New York. That your friends, classmates, neighbors, family will die if they don’t believe what you do. That you’re held accountable if you can’t bring them to your side.

The song for the credits hit me. I cannot listen to it. I have no idea what it was about.

When I watched the film, I couldn’t focus at this point at gosh barely 15 minutes in. I had already checked out. I heard keywords. “Entertainers,” “I feel stupid and contagious…”

In my world, I did not matter. What mattered was, what was presented to the public. To your group. Meeting some checklist of this perfect family at any cost. You’re not an individual, you’re a number. Literally. Your records are documented by men in the back room- your actions, your track record. But ultimately? You’re part of a numeral equation reported to headquarters. And if you’re a woman, you do not have a say in how you look, dress, act or in what you say. You are as the title song says, …“Entertainers”. You smile. You do your job, and you are ‘happy’ about it. Your job is to dedicate x amount of hours cleaning the room you gather in, and in recruitment of other members…

There’s a ‘job’ in the cult called a “pioneer”. Okay. No, we might not have been trained assassins. But you are trained to manipulate emotionally. To prey on the weak. You get books, magazines, movies, speeches, lectures- you rarely get a free Saturday. Oh and the job isn’t paid. So make sure you’re working (part time because full time secular work isn’t acceptable) at a desk job (because college and getting an education is not allowed). Don’t make friends with the people who work with you, they’re out to get you. Back at the club; You answer questions like it’s some schoolastic quiz every week and quote what your reading. It’s a brainwashing tactic. If you say something enough times, you remember it. You start to believe it. You spend hours reading these things, training… Your job is to target people who have lost- and have lost a lot because they’re vulnerable. You learn to go to cemeteries, and literally stalk people who are grieving. Like Val. If you can catch someone when they’re weak, senses are dulled. They’re desperate. And you bait them with this false promise. This idea that all THEY have to do is change all that they are, join you, and they’ll see their dead loved ones again. That they are doomed if they don’t change. Most pioneers draft 2-4 people per lifetime. If you’re a great saleswoman, you can draft more into this horrific world. And I regret the hours I spent lying, torturing people. For some cult that doesn’t give two cents about me.

I 100% believed of I didn’t convince my classmates, neighbors, to join my side they would either turn me in or they would be killed by a divine being. From 2 years old I was supposedly handing out pamphlets. The doom is not a quick painless death, no. You have visuals. You have men getting up to talk in detail about what your ‘friends’ will look like as corpses. Visually descriptive to the point where I still feel a bit numb to it all. That you will have to bury their bodies after the whole divine destruction. That you will have to “clean up” the earth. You are numb- convinced- bullied to the point where you believe this is true.

If you’re hurt as MANY WOMEN AND CHILDREN ARE, and you don’t have two people to testify and say they saw it- it never happened. Abuse is the norm. And if you speak up about it? You’re called a liar. Your friends cut you off. They think you’ll die along with everyone else if you put in a ‘bad review’ or leave. You’re bullied into submission and taught from a young age that you are not in control of your own decisions. You relinquish yourself under the pretense that the men you have such reverence toward are under some divine being’s control.

Your parents hurting you is acceptable. And don’t you dare speak against your father if he’s deeply involved. Don’t even think about approaching if he’s on a phone call. If you’re hit you take it- because you “deserved” it. And you smile. You shove that pain deep down. You hide the bruise, the cut lip, the depression, the bottles of pills you’re swallowing the whatever….You’re screwed if you faint, throw up, pass out, because you’ve missed a meeting. You better be dying for that to happen…

The idea that is portrayed in the movie (IMO) is that you can forgive family who hurts you. I see people forgiving Alexei and what’s her name. Look- that’s great. It’s a fun film. Alexei is funny. Here’s what I saw; it’s a toxic man- nay- father who can’t accept responsibility. He takes pride in what the girls have become- monsters. Not in who they are at their core. He has no idea who they are. And the mom has this photo album…I’m tearing up. She remembers this a certain way, a wishful thought. I’ve confronted my own mother about our past and had an album thrown at me, “We were happy. You were happy.” The fact is I was told the smile. You’re forcing this perception that everything was normal. That it’s okay to go back. (I’m not taking away Yelena’s view that everything was real to her, that’s fine for the sake of the story, and sweet. The moment between her and Alexei..fine. Milena turns and takes their side at the end, great.) The problem with how I saw this, is that’s not how the real world works. I don’t owe my parents forgiveness when I didn’t mean shit to them. When people leave the cult they’re cut off. Treated like they’re dead. I didn’t find these moments cute, I found them horrific. Hugging me, saying he’s proud of me is the toxic sh** my father would pull. Ignoring the holes in the wall, in my skull, the phony impression he gives to the rest of the group. Hugging me…after sweeping everything he did not only to me, but countless others under the rug because the cult…because 8 men in NY will protect him. Legally. Or otherwise.

I don’t need to forgive my parents. If you’ve been mistreated, you don’t owe anyone anything. They can “try” to do the right thing, that doesn’t somehow block out years of mistreatment. Years of trauma. Sheetrock only patches the surface of the broken walls. Wounds heal but some scars stay with you forever. Metaphorically or otherwise.

‘Entertainers’ was a trigger word because if you’re high enough in the ranking system you’re asked to “testify” or share a story. It’s in front of a couple thousand. It’s an “honor”. What it really is, is a three ring circus. You will only see women on the sidelines reading from the cards while only men stand at the main podium. They’re reading what they have told them to say. Stories are manipulated, cut, changed to fit a narrative that better suits the group of a couple thousand members.

Dreykov. I hate this. But I have to go there. I’m neck deep already, might as well. I think the worst part of all of it is that you can’t touch the person who made you this way. Those 6-7-8 leaders are untouchable. It doesn’t matter what you try. What legal entities, ex groups have tried. There’s a term for us and we are considered ‘mentally diseased.’ Members are told to avoid us. And in case you were curious, no, they can’t just break their nose on a table to be free- if only it were that simple. Gosh that got me. I would cut a limb, split my skull open, if it meant I could just cut a chord. It takes years of therapy and I still have nightmares. Urges to just, go. I’m OKAY. But most escapees are not. If you manage to escape with your life and don’t end it because the pressure, guilt, abuse that comes with leaving is too much. (This is sadly the fate of MANY LBGTQ+ members.)

The only hope is either the group eventually runs out of money or they’re taken down legally. Both of which are impossible since many older members will leave all they have to the group rather than to their family. It’s a complex billion dollar publishing company that plays monopoly with people’s investments, homes, and lives.

If you speak up, you’re the liar. So you cannot free your friends, who have turned on you, already cut you off, and discarded you the day you walked out and didn’t come back.

Watching Natasha, and Yelena free their sisters made me think of every woman who is stuck in this cult. For every woman, child, currently being sexually/physically abused and can’t say sh** because they literally believe god will kill them. If I say anything to them, they block me. If I expose what’s happening they will lie in court. That’s what is happening. And it’s not in the news, it’s not talked about. Because you can’t. You’re forced into silence. There’s a block. A literal legal force field that you cannot penetrate. They have their own lawyers. You can’t break into it. You’ll lose every, single, legal battle you try to fight.

Was this a decent movie? Yes. Was I expecting to share this days after release, no. I’ve been forced into silence for so long, told that people have it far worse and that I shouldn’t talk about it. But just today I saw a grown ass couple in an escapee group, talking about how one trigger word sent them into a depressive spiral. Wondering if some god damn lightening will come out of the sky and knock them dead. And we frickin struggle in silence. People will just shrug and go “oh it can’t be that bad,” while my gay best friend can’t catch an effing break. While someone else suffers at home because god wants it that way. Someone else will bury their kid today, maybe not even hold a funeral for them if they were ‘mentally diseased.’

For people like that couple I met today, like me, if you don’t just see a fun film but a darker past or maybe it’s brought up some memories for you, I’d honestly love to chat!!! Message me! I feel like for as painful as this is to hash out not too many people know about what goes on behind a group of smiling, well dressed woman who come knocking on your door. “It’s just a religion.”

I guess I didn’t realize…the criminal aspect of what happened to me. You’re so ingrained to keep quiet. To smile. To ignore, to suppress. I can smile, joke laugh, but visualizing…inadvertently seeing this mirror was so unbelievably uncomfortable. I would always rather help someone else because it takes me out of my head. Live in a bubble where I can call my trauma a ‘fantasy’. What’s real is when someone like me has a bad day? Lol! Look, my husband literally checks his phone to make sure a conversation never touches a couple hundred trigger words that will absolutely send me into the closet with a gallon of ice cream or a bottle of whiskey. I can’t imagine what someone else, what some other traumatized individual goes through. (Maybe that’s why the Bucky stuff makes me all angry She-Hulk too..)

Look, talking people ex members of this group, out of suicide is a daily endeavor to the point where it’s borderline on autopilot. But having this, I suppose, brilliant, piece of cinema turn the camera around left me raw and writhing and angry. Not for me, but for everyone else still stuck. With every year you spend in that cult, add ten more to therapy.

If you feel like me at all, you’re not alone. Not anymore. We were raised to feel alone in the world. That the universe is somehow out to get us and that’s simply not true. You don’t need the people who raised you if they were absolute shit bags. And you DO NOT have to forgive them for keeping you in that environment. Family isn’t family if they’ve hurt you. You owe them nothing. It is healthy to feel your feelings (and you and your feelings are valid. )

Anyways! I hope to be able to talk about more fun Marvel topics soon. But this felt important so thanks for listening. I’m really not hating guys, this is just…it’s heavy. And I beg you to do your research into cults and to help out where you can.

Love and light,

-M

[cxlvins]

...000. INTRODUCTION.

helloooo lovelies ! my name is naomi (he/him), i’m twenty-two and from the gmt timezone ! i’m super excited for this to open because i’ve got so much muse right now. i’m down for any and all plots, seriously, i love plotting ! this is calvin, he’s an angry mess of a character, but he’s fun to play, so ! if you just wanna get to know the character, you can skip past the other sections and just focus on personality, i’ve also put some wanted connections in there too ! if you would like to plot, then either shoot me a message here or on discord (heterosexual? how vintage!#8600) or alternatively, like this post and i will message you !

caution: alcohol, drugs, mental health, death.

°☼ ◜ xavier serrano, cismale, he/him ◞ ∗ ∘ good to see you again, calvin marx. you're twenty-three now, right ? i heard you’ve been streaming professionally on twitch  … crazy how time flies. you were always known as the crimson. i’m glad to see you’re just as gregarious as always — and volatile, too .. kidding ! bella used to always mention it …you were her bad influence, after all. don’t worry, we’ll find her soon. what matter is that we’re together now, right ? not really.  + thrift-store clothing, bruised knuckles, a scent of cologne & cigarettes.  + watermelon sugar by harry styles.

...001. BRIEF HISTORY.

calvin grew up very underprivileged for the first 11 years of his life in brooklyn, ny.

his father died when he was 5 years old to a drug overdose, leading his mother became a single mother to him and his younger sister, essentially meaning that calvin had to grow up and be the ‘man of the house’ without having a choice.

because of her new single-mother status, calvins mother had to work 3 different jobs in order for the family to pay rent (a cleaner in mornings, a store assistant in the day and a bartender in the evenings), which meant she was rarely home and left calvin to raise both himself and younger sister.

from a very early age, it was apparent that calvin suffered from anger issues, dyslexia and adhd, constantly getting into fights at every opportunity, his complete inability to focus and never managing to make it through a week at school without a phone call home.

these issues remained untreated, due to his mother putting it down to the ‘boys will be boys’ ideology, and concluding that calvin was just an energetic one at that.

because of this, calvin fell into the wrong crowd pretty quickly and settled into his mindset that he was never going to achieve all that much anyway, because no matter how hard he tried, he could never score well on any test at school.

at the age of 9, calvins mother met, fell in love with and soon married a former client for whom she cleaned for.  calvins new step father was incredibly wealthy, due to being a successful franchisee and also being very largely into stock trading.

calvin, his sister and mother were all moved to his home in wilmington, which calvin struggled to adjust to, as he missed his friends back north.

he quickly made friends with the clique as he was brought into it by jordan and it did put some ease on his pressure, but part of him always felt like he should still be back in brooklyn.

now having access to as much money as he want led him down an early path into experimenting with drugs and alcohol, which soon became a bad habit.

although he wanted to drop out of school, his new step-father would not allow it, which became a large source of conflict for the family over the course of the next few years.

failing to graduate high school at age eighteen, calvin couldn’t deal with living with his family any more and left the house to move into a small apartment, 30 minutes away, with a roommate (possibly a member of the clique).

calvins only real passions were for gaming and sport, and as he smoked and did way too many drugs to make it in any sporting profession, he turned his attention to twitch streaming. he began this pretty soon and built up a solid fanbase (which he wanted to call the marxists, but in calvins words, apparently some dead man already claimed that title). 

...002. PERSONALITY.

calvin is a naturally angry person who can lose his cool and go from 0 to 100 in a matter of seconds, he rarely gives off signs that he is getting angry until he boils over, so people tend to watch what they say around him.

calvin is self-serving, his feelings will always come before those around him. although he is getting better at managing this, if something will result in calvin gaining something at the expense of somebody else, he will most likely go ahead with it.

calvin is not well educated, so he doesn’t tend to enjoy arguing with words, as he can never seem to find the ones to correctly express how he feels. instead, calvin is much more likely to act physically when something has irritated him (whether this be on a person or inanimate object).

calvin is an awful liar, he cannot lie to save his life as his face always tends to show when he doesn’t agree with an idea/opion/thought that somebody says. because of this, he is very outspoken, and will just say what he’s thinking regardless of if it’s going to hurt somebodies feelings. he’d rather upset them with the truth, than get caught out for lying.

calvin is an extrovert and gains energy from being around people - the more people the better, because of this, he has become a major party animal and loves attending any and all parties that is going on, despite if he’s fond of the hosts or not.

calvin is a heavy user of drugs, alcohol & cigarettes. this is primarily down to his naturally addictive personality and constant need to feel like he’s happy, so that he doesn’t get sad again. there will rarely be a day where he will not  be intoxicated in some way and he will have a cigarette at least once an hour -- and that’s on a good day.

calvin is very much into sports. although not a natural athlete, nor somebody interested in playing sports competitively, calvin loves watching any and all sports, and he likes to play them when he can. due to his smoking habit, he can’t play sports for too long, but will always give it a good go.

similarly to this, calvin is very much into gaming. calvin loves fast-paced games, because they manage to keep his attention despite him not having a very long attention span. most games that he plays are first person shooters, and he’s usually the guy on the mic screaming when a teammate fucks up during online play. a big appeal to him was that games were the only thing he could focus his mind on as a child.

calvin is very much a boys boy, he genuinely abides by the bible of ‘ bros before hoes ‘ because he’s stupid.

calvin hates movies but loves tv, he finds that watching moves involves sitting still for too long, but tv allows him to take more breaks and keeps his interest for longer. although. he’d probably trade both of them for a chance to leave the house.

...003. TRAITS.

[ G R E G A R I O U S ] (+) — a person fond of company; sociable.

[ I N T U I T I V E ] (+) — using or based on what one feels to be true even without conscious reasoning; instinctive.

[ F O R T H R I G H T ] (+) — direct and outspoken.

[ V O L A T I L E ] (-) — liable to change rapidly and unpredictably, especially for the worse.

[ V E N G E F U L ] (-) — not willing to forgive or excuse people's faults or wrongdoings.

[ H E D O N I S T I C ] (-) — engaged in the pursuit of pleasure; sensually self-indulgent.

...004. BELLA KIM.

when calvin met bella, he never took too much of a shine to her, deeming her to be a rather fake individual and not understanding the rest of the groups investment with her. however, because he was a new introduction to the group and not there from the beginning, calvin felt he couldn’t really speak up and vocalise that without being dropped from the group himself.

for whatever reason, bella herself took a liking to calvin and he decided to use this to his advantage. for a girl with such a clean reputation, it seemed only the sensible thing to try and corrupt her -- which proved successful. 

calvin introduced bella to the world of bad decisions and the two spent many nights breaking several laws and it created a sort of bond that only the pair really understood. they never talked about anything personal -- or, if they did, they were too high to remember -- but calvin saw a side to bella that not many others did, which he liked.

after moving out, calvin and bellas meetings became much less frequent as the group drifted apart. they would still meet up for occasional meet-ups, their last one being 3 months before the disappearance of bella.

calvin does not believe that she is alive and is dealing with it, as expected, not very well.

...005. WANTED CONNECTIONS.

CURRENT BEST FRIENDS — Possibly a boy squad? I live for a good boy squad. This person will have similar interests to Calvin, or be able to tolerate his volatile mood.

CHILDHOOD BEST FRIENDS — Someone with a similar upbringing from Brooklyn, most likely they grew apart when Calvin moved to Wilmington.

RIDE OR DIES — Although he primarily looks out for himself, I’m down to have Calvin have one person who he’s loyal to and will refuse to betray, we can come up with a fun reason for why he cares so much if you’re interested in this one.

HIS ROOMMATE — Somebody that moved with Calvin into his current apartment when he moved out at 18.

A GOOD INFLUENCE ON CALVIN — One of my favorite connections for Calvin to have is somebody who knows all of his flaws and attempts to help fix them. They’ll have to be patient, though, as Calvin doesn’t see himself for having any issues.

SOMEBODY HE IS A BAD INFLUENCE OF — On the opposite, I love when Calvin has somebody that he can introduce to bad things, corrupt easily and get a kick out of watching the commotion.

EXES ON BAD TERMS — Cheating on each other is usually an easy one to go with, but if you want, we can think of something more unique as to how it all fucked up and why they now hate each other.

EXES ON GOOD TERMS — Maybe they still occasionally fuck? There could still be an attraction there, but just no romantic chemistry. Alternatively, they tried it and both just couldn’t see it going anywhere.

EXES WITH LINGERING FEELINGS — There’s a ton of different reasons for why there’s still lingering feelings. The feelings could be one-sided or both ways.

EX FLINGS — Started as friends with benefits, one of them wanted more, the other didn’t, they decided to stop before someone got hurt.

FRIENDS WITH BENEFITS — No romantic intention, just a good way to kill time at 2 AM, or maybe it’s easy to know you have someone to go home to if you don’t find someone at a party.

FRIENDS FOR NECESSITY — This friend may not have that much in common with Calvin, they may not really get on in day to day life, but they are always there to get high, attend a party or do something dumb. an easy person to talk to when they’re both bored and wanna get out.

HIS YOUNGER SISTER — If anybody fancies a second character, I’m always down to have Calvins sister in the roleplay. They can either get along or not, we’ll just figure out the details.

EX FRIENDS — Used to be close but now aren’t, plenty of reasons as to why.

ENEMIES — Despise each other, seeing this person literally makes Calvins blood boil. Possibly sexual tension too if that would work, if not, they can just fight a lot.

WILL THEY / WON’T THEY — Lots of leading on and teasing each other, maybe they both think they’re stringing the other along but it turns out neither of them are interested? Maybe they start out not interested and it backfires later, by that time the other could’ve lost interest.

ANY OTHER IDEAS YOU THINK WILL WORK !

...006. ADDITIONAL INFORMATION.

Calvin is bisexual but heteroromantic, so any sexual-based connections can be taken by any gender.

Calvins Pinterest can be located here. Please note that it contains triggers for alcohol, drugs, blood & violence.

[bloojayoolie]

Apparently, Bailey Jay, and Cats: 45793 2 years old, 57 lbs RaTED means Well Behavedlls @manhattan acc waiting 4 U! Falli lling For You adorable, friendly playful,gentle,well mannered & housetrained 田 TO BE KILLED 11/10/18 WELL MANNERED AVERAGE RATED GIRL dumped because she's "not a good fit - too big." A volunteer writes: Halloween may be over but here at the Manhattan Care Center we've still got a whole stash of chocolate-y treats and Hershey is the sweetest of them all! She may look serious but don't be fooled, her inner puppy is always ready to play and after a shy start she'll quickly warm up and join in the fun, chasing toys, leaning in for petting and even jumping up to give hugs on command. Hershey's a fine leash walker, responsive and seemingly house trained, and she knows her name too and will check in every so often with a cute little backwards glance as though making sure that the answer to 'who's a good girl?' is still 'Hershey'--which of course it is! She's been quite shy in playgroup so patient introductions to new four-legged friends would suit her best but it's easy to imagine such a gentle, well-mannered girl blossoming into the belle of the ball in no time. A great behavior assessment, unrivaled beauty and a big, affectionate heart...what's not to love?!! Hurry in today and treat yourself to a date with brindlicious perfection, Hershey will be waiting with open arms... HERSHEY@MANHATTAN ACC Hello, my name is Hershey My animal id is #45793 I am a female brown brindle dog at the Manhattan Animal Care Center The shelter thinks I am about 2 years old, 57 lbs Came into shelter as owner surrender Oct. 28, 2018 Reason Stated: NOT A FIT - Too big :( Hershey is at risk for medical, she was diagnosed with canine infectious respiratory disease complex which will require rest and in home care. There are no behavior concerns for Hershey at this time. My medical notes are... Weight: 57.1 lbs Vet Notes 4/11/2018 S: Quiet in kennel - sitting at front, not energetic O: Scant serous nasal discharge on morning rounds. This afternoon, pt vomited, had diarrhea and was coughing. A: CIRDC likely P: Move to isolation -Doxycycline 200 mg PO SID x14 days -Enrofloxacin 204 mg PO SID x14 days -Cerenia 45 mg PO SID x4 days Pt has not been weighed yet, so I am estimating medication doses for 50 lb dog for now - will update after weighing. 1088 5/11/2018 [DVM Intake] DVM Intake Exam Estimated age: 2 years Microchip noted on Intake? Yes Microchip Number (If Applicable):981020017084294 History : Subjective: BAR Observed Behavior -Very friendly, wagging tail the entire time Evidence of Cruelty seen -No Evidence of Trauma seen -No Objective T = P =120 bpm R =eup BCS 5/9 EENT: Eyes clear, ears clean, no nasal or ocular discharge noted Oral Exam: Minimal tartar PLN: No enlargements noted H/L: NSR, NMA, CRT < 2, Lungs clear, eupnic, actively coughing-dry and non-productive ABD: Non painful, no masses palpated U/G: F/I, no obvious spay scar or tattoo MSI: Ambulatory x 4, skin free of parasites, no masses noted, healthy hair coat CNS: Mentation appropriate - no signs of neurologic abnormalities Rectal: Clean externally Assessment: CIRDC Otherwise apparently healthy Prognosis: Good Plan: Continue with current tx plan Changed dose of doxycycline since we got her weight (changed from 200 mg to 250 mg per day, only put in for 12 days since she already received two doses) No other changes needed at this time SURGERY: Temporary waiver due to CIRDC 5/11/2018 [Spay/Neuter Waiver - Medical Condition] Your newly adopted pet has been diagnosed with C.I.R.D.C. and the staff veterinarians are issuing a temporary waiver from the spay/neuter requirements of the City of NY. Follow up care at your regular veterinarian is recommended to ensure continued treatment. Your veterinarian will advise you if surgical sterilization is appropriate. Details on my behavior are... Behavior Condition: 1. Green Behavior History Behavior Assessment Hershey had a loose body, wagging tail when I approached her. Hershey did not eat the treats I offered her when I approached and remained alert with her ears perked and a forward body. She stared at the other dogs in the lobby, with a forward body, and a low wagging tail. Hershey would not break eye contact with the other dogs until her named was called out or if she was touched. Date of Intake: 10/28/2018 Basic Information:: Hershey is a large mixed breed female, estimated to be 2 years old. Owner could not keep Hershey because of family conflict. Owner had Hershey for 1 month and took her from a friend. Hershey has no known medical concerns. Previously lived with:: 2 Adults How is this dog around strangers?: Hershey is friendly and outgoing with strangers. Owner stated Hershey becomes very excitable and allowed people to pet her. How is this dog around children?: No children in previous home. How is this dog around other dogs?: No dogs in previous home. How is this dog around cats?: No cats in previous home. Resource guarding:: Hershey is not bothered when the owner touches her food bowl while eating. Hershey is not bothered when her owner takes away a treat, bone, or toy. Bite history:: Hershey did not bite or scratch a person or animal in the home. Housetrained:: Yes Energy level/descriptors:: High energy, playful, excitable Other Notes:: The owner has not took Hershey a bath, trimmed her nails or brushed her. Has this dog ever had any medical issues?: No Medical Notes: Hershey has no known medical concerns. For a New Family to Know: Hershey is friendly, affectionate and playful. Hershey has a high energy level and becomes very energetic and excitable. Hershey enjoys running around the home and plays with stuffed toys. Hershey also plays tug with the owner with a rope. Hershey is an indoor dog only but goes for slow walks on the leash. Hershey is also trained to poop and pee outside on the grass and is also wee-wee pad trained. Hershey sleeps on the bed with her owner and eats dry adult food twice a day. Hershey is house trained and knows how to sit and come. Hershey pulls hard on the leash when excited and also pulls hard when she becomes alert. Date of intake:: 10/28/2018 Spay/Neuter status:: No Means of surrender (length of time in previous home):: Owner Surrender (In home for 1 month) Previously lived with:: Adults Behavior toward strangers:: Friendly and outgoing Resource guarding:: None reported Bite history:: None reported Housetrained:: Yes Energy level/descriptors:: Hershey is described as friendly, affectionate, and playful with a high level of activity. Date of assessment:: 10/30/2018 Look:: 1. Dog's eyes are averted, with tail wagging and ears back. Allows head to be held loosely in Assessor's cupped hands. Sensitivity:: 1. Dog leans into the Assessor, eyes soft or squinty, soft and loose body, open mouth. Tag:: 1. Dog assumes play position and joins the game. Or dog indicates play with huffing, soft 'popping' of the body, etc. Dog might jump on Assessor once play begins. Paw squeeze 1:: 2. Dog quickly pulls back. Paw squeeze 2:: 2. Dog quickly pull back. Flank squeeze 1:: Item not conducted Flank squeeze 2:: Item not conducted Toy:: 1. Minimal interest in toy, dog may smell or lick, then turns away. Summary:: Hershey approached the assessor with a soft body. She was social throughout the assessment, allowed all handling, and displayed no concerning behaviors. Summary:: Slow introductions are recommended between Hershey and other dogs who are respectful and gently playful. She appeared tense during initial introduction, though with time has opened up to playful, social behavior. Summary (1):: 10/29: When introduced off leash to the male greeter dog, Hershey is tense and avoids approach. Summary (2):: 11/2-4: Hershey is social with male and female dogs, offering some play bows. Date of intake:: 10/28/2018 Summary:: Loose body, allowed handling ENERGY LEVEL:: Hershey is described as having a high level of activity. We recommend long-lasting chews, food puzzles, and hide-and-seek games, in additional to physical exercise, to positively direct his energy and enthusiasm. BEHAVIOR DETERMINATION:: AVERAGE (suitable for an adopter with an average amount of dog experience) Behavior Asilomar: H - Healthy * TO FOSTER OR ADOPT * HOW TO RESERVE A “TO BE KILLED” DOG ONLINE (only for those who can get to the shelter IN PERSON to complete the adoption process, and only for the dogs on the list NOT marked New Hope Rescue Only). Follow our Step by Step directions below! PLEASE NOTE – YOU MUST USE A PC OR TABLET – PHONE RESERVES WILL NOT WORK! * STEP 1: CLICK ON THIS RESERVE LINK: https://newhope.shelterbuddy.com/Animal/List Step 2: Go to the red menu button on the top right corner, click register and fill in your info. Step 3: Go to your email and verify account \ Step 4: Go back to the website, click the menu button and view available dogs Step 5: Scroll to the animal you are interested and click reserve STEP 6 ( MOST IMPORTANT STEP ): GO TO THE MENU AGAIN AND VIEW YOUR CART. THE ANIMAL SHOULD NOW BE IN YOUR CART! Step 7: Fill in your credit card info and complete transaction HOW TO FOSTER OR ADOPT IF YOU CANNOT GET TO THE SHELTER IN PERSON, OR IF THE DOG IS NEW HOPE RESCUE ONLY! You must live within 3 – 4 hours of NY, NJ, PA, CT, RI, DE, MD, MA, NH, VT, ME or Norther VA. Please PM our page for assistance. You will need to fill out applications with a New Hope Rescue Partner to foster or adopt a dog on the To Be Killed list, including those labelled Rescue Only. Hurry please, time is short, and the Rescues need time to process the applications.

[vivalasthedas]

Really long stream on consciousness ranting personal family bs

I used to like my mom? I used to love her. 

She’s the person who did terrible acting when i decided to make a movie using plush toys when i was 7. 

She let us turn the entire downstairs hallway into an ‘art scene’ birds eye view of a dog kennel complete with my idiot friends and me dressed as makeshift dogs. (It was a bit they used to to on either SMart or ArtAttack, I can’t remember which) 

She kept me home from school when my pets died, she let me and sister play hooky and took us into London for zero queues at christmas grottoes in stores where the lines oculd be hours. 

She was there. 

All these things, I don’t remember them. I know them because of pictures I went through with my dad last week and it hurts because I should remember this. I should be able to remember liking her. 

But all I remember is her telling me not to react when her twenty year fuck boy partner put my comfort object in the freezer and lied to me about it until i was in hysterics. 

Her finding it hilarious when the same fuckhead stole my scooter and rode it around the house and didn’t give it back. 

I remember her chasing me around the house to smack me

I remember her shouting at me over the phone when i was at boarding school and had the nerve to be angry that she’d known my cat had died for months and didn’t think to tell me 

i remember her being six hours late to pick me up from school 

I remember, at 16, hearing the story of how she nearly died of recreational drug abuse in amsterdam, when she had two kids under the age of ten at home and she thought it was hilarious. 

I remember her drunk ass passed out on the bathroom floor

Is it fair I only remember the bad? Cause I don’t want to. 

But she changed, her relationship with that man changed her and changed our relationship so completely. 

We moved without me seeing the house once. I get that you don’t give kids final say, but you involve them in it at least a bit? She lied about letting me take the 11+ and go to a grammer school. She lied until my teacher, months later, took me aside after a practice exam and said my mom never sent in the registration forms she told me she did. 

Because she was going to send me to the boarding school that was closer than my sisters day school. At 11 years old they drove past that place 4 times a day to drop off and collect the sister. 

I was in the new house for a week before i was sent there. 

It never felt like home. There were so many new rules and everything was to be looked at not touched. Because Andy. Fuck boy mcfuckface. From one of those skeevy slimey essex families. Told to bag a rich woman by his parents. Thought things had to Look Perfect and Be Pretty instead of be a home. Thought a kids room with visible toys was Bad. 

Thought an 11 year old kid was too old for them. 

Also thought he didn’t need to knock on teenagers doors. Repeatedly. 

Also thought it was okay to threaten physical violence at 15 year olds and brandish knives at them. 

His own BS stopped my mom going home, it stopped us being a part of a family anymore because he didn’t want to go to new york. So We didn’t get christmas with people who knew us, we didn’t get months of summers spent wandering woods and being little shits. We didn’t get random halloweens in a place that actually Did Halloween. 

And when we went back he didn’t get that they didn’t like him. The entire family mocked him endlessly and he didn’t get it. That was fun. And years later I found out that my second cousin and most of the family had the same thoughts I did when the mother left us for two weeks to go to Vegas with him and leave us in the care of relatives in NY without really warning them beforehand, and made a habit of that sort of behavior. 

That the second she met him, he became priority, and he was. 

We moved because it was closer to his work and easier for him to drive. He stopped her doing anything. He made her codependant and helpless. 

I know, I’m sure, I think, she used to put up fences and do the actual work at our house. She knew how to use power tools and make shit. She grew up on a working farm and was alone since she was 16 she was capable of so much and being so strong and he took that away from her. 

He made her helpless

he fatigued her of all abilitiy. 

She can’t do that now. She can’t even put up a shelf, she wont even paint the walls in her house or change a fucking light bulb. He did that. 

So I don’t know. 

I should know the good. I want to. But she isn’t who i sometimes have flashes of, who she is in those pictures. She isn’t that person anymore because people change, not always for the best. 

And I’m so tired of trying sometimes cause we just start fighting. But I should. I want the parent the pictures show her as. I want that woman in my life. I want someone who’d care when i told her big news, not shrug it off. Im going to use tv anaologies again because it’s all i have when talking about parents really, i don’t want an emily gilmore anymore. 

I don’t want a grace hanson. 

I’m tired of that shit. 

I want Roseanne ffs. I want the brush, loud, strong but fiercly protective momma hen i’m told she was and that shows in these pictures and vague memories. But I don’t think that’s going to happen anymore. Because she’s not there. 

She’s 

I don’t want my entire childhood to not exist until i have physical evidence in front of me jogging ideas of locations and things and animals. 

I am angry. I am angry at HIM for doing this. For changing her, for breaking her, for taking away the parent i should’ve had. And I’m pissed off at her for letting it happen. For not caring or trying to have a relationship with her kid. For blaming her 12 year old for being a bitch instead of trying to work on anything. For letting a school of cold catholic nuns raise me more than her. Fuck it, TV raised me more than her. I can pull up 90s sitcom families and mothers so quickly because it’s how i attempt to remember who she was, by putting her in those places. 

But is it fair because she wasn’t exactly great anyways. The anger shit, the swearing the lying the shitty alcohol issues those were there already. I have no doubt he exacerbated and enabled, but i don’t think logically it’s all him. 

I don’t know if she’d have done so much of the traumatic shit i do remember as a teenager if he hadn’t been there. 

Would she have screamed at me and a doctor for fifteen minutes straight about how much of a waste of time it was to take me there when my school told her i needed help. 

Would she have said I wasn’t her responsibility because she paid the school to deal with me? And blamed me for my shoes falling apart and her not buying me new ones which got me in trouble so many times because i had to wear trainers or shoes kept together with duct tape. 

Would she have ignored the letter I wrote, desperately asking her to help me, begging her to take me seriously, would she have ignored it and then let me never leave my room for two months, get kicked from my A-level courses, and then throw my ‘stupid little letter’ in my face when months later i felt up for trying something new that involved getting away from her. 

Would she have noticed that i went from a happy productive older teenager who had a job and read so many papers and had an idea of what they wanted to do with their life when they were thousands of miles away from her, and then when forced to return because of reasons beyond my control, slowly reverted back into that ‘horrible little shit’ as her fuck head ex put it. Would she have seen that and thought Maybe there was a reason. 

Would she have thrown things at me and screamed for three hours and locked me in my room because one fucking teacher at a parent teacher thing said i was bad? When my dad, my fucking dad who expected The World, said yeah, that woman had bad shit to say but everyone else, the actual teachers not my tutor, all said i was doing amazingly! 

Would she have threatened to kill my dog so many times in front of me because she shed. Or because I pissed her off. 

Would she have responded bluntly and rudely when i finally told her, at 17, that i had my first boyfriend and how happy I was. 

When I, almost a year later, would tell her we broke up, while fully breaking the fuck down because it hurt so much, have gotten angry at me and said this is why she hated the idea of me dating and then left the room to finish washing dishes. 

Would she have made horrid jokes about my sexuality in front of my 13 year old face. Repeatedly. 

Would she have mocked me for not wanting to drink or smoke or go out with her and sister when all my experience is her being passed out, or getting shouted at by drunk people 

Would I flinch every time her and her fuck head partner got angry, screaming matches turned to broken tvs and bleeding hands and feet 

would being outside of my room make me terrified because it meant she could Find Me. Or he could. And that all it took was a bad step to be found. 

would she have denied me food and access to healthcare

would she have lied to me about my family dying

I don’t fucking know. I don’t know if i should try, if she is a person worth trying with. But I feel like I missed out. On so much. And I still am. 

[wyrm-wolf]

The Frog Prince

*screams out of excitement* man I really love this calendar month event, I'm having such a ball. Well, here's another story, hope you don't mind that I didn't involve frogs "No. Bad dog. Shoo, shoo." Hannibal admonishes. There standing in front of his car door is a stray mutt, the same stray mutt that has been following him for the past week. He regrets being kind to the mutt, because now it's constantly following him every where he goes. At first, he couldn't help but feel a little sorrow for the stray, as he had seen it many tines as he past the FBI academy. He watched a couple of kids cruelly attack or trick the dig, leaving him hungry and miserable. So, using the meat from a leftover pig, Hannibal had prepared a warm meal, and brought it to the stray. When the dog had first seen him, he growled and backed away whimpering slightly. It wasn't until Hannibal had crouched down, extending a hand for the dog to sniff and inspect him did the stray finally come bear him without jumping away. Hannibal had then pulled out the prepared and set the dish in front of the stray, he could practically see the drool from the dog before it dug into the meal. Once the dog had finished the warm meal, he tipped happily and ducked his head down, giving Hannibal's hand a soft kiss. Usually, Hannibal would have been disgusted by a creatures saliva in him, but he couldn't help but feel his pride swell at the dog's happiness. When he had left the dog that night, he felt his sins lift off him a little from the good deed he had done, only to be weighted back on him once he left his house to kill a rude. But his meeting with the stray did not stop there, no there second meeting was at Hannibal's work. The stray was snoozing on the stairs to his work, and lifted his head once he heard Hannibal approaching. He couldn't help but raise an eyebrow at the stray, wondering how it knew where he worked. Only to shrug and oat the dogs head, before slipping into his building. Thinking the dog would be gone once he left was a mistake, because one by one his patients came in all noting about the strange dog sleeping on the stairs of his building. Hannibal had assured them the dog was safe, and would not harm them as long as they did not mess with him. For three days he would come to work only to find the dog still there, still sleeping on the staircase, still giving Hannibal shy kisses on his hands. Still questions from his curious patients about the dog, and it's presence. It wasn't until the second day when Hannibal found himself making a meal to go for the dog, and spent his lunch break sitting on the stairs eating with the dog. Who apparently had manners, as it chewed soundlessly, and wiped his mouth when he was finished. Hannibal couldn't help the smile on his face, when the dog whined slightly for extras, before forking over the rest of his meal. Then came the end of the week, and Hannibal was leaving late from his office that night only to find the stray sitting in front of his car. Almost like he wanted Hannibal to take him home. So here he was trying to get the stray to move wo he could go home and sleep, only to see that the mutt was just as stubborn as he was. "Fine. You can come home with me, but only for this night." Hannibal gave, opening the back door of his Bentley, only to watch the dog sit perfectly on the back seat and be mindful if his fur. "Stubborn mutt." The drive home was a little too quiet for someone to have a dig in there back seat, thankfully who wasn't car sick. He watched the stray from the rear view mirror, as it stared out the window in almost saddening silence. When he reached his house, he watched as the happy mutt run up to his door, and wait for him like a dog with years of training. "Your quite smart for a stray on the streets." Hannibal mused, staring down at the dog as he unlocked his front door. The dog wooded at him, before slinking through his front door, a d sniffing at every piece of furniture. Hannibal noted how the dog sniffed the rooms Hannibal walked in, and never strayed from him. He made a small little experiment, by closing a door and waiting to see of the dog ran off, but when he opened the door he saw the stray was standing there waiting for him. He smirked at this. "You can't sleep in ny room, no matter how kind or cute you are. You are not allowed on my bed." Hannibal mused, before leaving to shower. And guess who was laying on his bed when he left from the shower, half naked and wrapped in a towel. The mutt was, looking all to pleased as he wagged his tail when Hannibal glared at him. He gave Hannibal sad blue puppy eyes, and what could have passed as a pout for anyone easily fooled by cuteness. By Hannibal was having none of this. He snapped his fingers, Ponting to the ground, waiting for the stray to get off his bed so he could wipe off the fur. But the stray had just raised an eyebrow at him, saying something along the lines of 'Really?', and wagging his tail when Hannibal groaned. "Just this once, since you haven't destroyed anything, and have been very well trained." He groaned, turning the lights off before slipping into bed. The stray huffed, and scooted away from Hannibal, enough to give them both room. And well, one night became two, which soon became three, which soon turned out to be every night. Which every morning Hannibal found himself making breakfast for both he and the dog, saying to himself that this will be the last day, only to find himself always wooed by the dogs charms and kindness. "I need to give you a name." Hannibal mumbled one afternoon, as he sat reading in the study, the stray resting next to his legs as he sipped wine. Hannibal sat back, letting his mind rave with possibilities and ideas. Not noticing when the stray had jumped off the couch, and went off some where in the study. "Hmmmm...Napolean? No. Constantine? No." He went back and forth, calling names out but none could really fit the dog. That is until the stray came padding right up to him with a book in his mouth. "William Shakespeare? William....Will. Yes, that's a good name, Will, your name is Will." The dig jumped up, woofing excitingly when Hannibal had come home the next day holding a collar. And soon he was bringing along Will every where, at first it was to his work. Claiming that Will was just a service dog, here to protect Hannibal from crazed patients, and to assist with whatever needed. Frankly, he couldn't have been happier to have Will around, especially when Franklin had tried to touch Hannibal. Will had suddenly bolted from where he was seated, and git between the two, growling with hackles raised at Franklin, who bumbled  about at the angry mutt. "Will." Hannibal quipped, and suddenly the dog was calmed down, panting like a happy pooch. "I apologies, Franklin but contact with me would not be best, as Will tends to see it as someone trying to attack me." "O-o-oh, right. Of course, Dr. Lecter. See you next meeting?" Franklin stuttered, shoving his sweaty palms into his pockets. "Of course." Hannibal answered, hiding his shear from the disgusting man. When the door was shut, Hannibal gave Will a treat, and thanked him with a scratch behind the ear. "What would I do without you." Hannibal chuckled to himself. Will wooded, and chewed at the homemade treats he was given, wagging his tail delightfully. When Hannibal went home that night, he had almost forgotten his date he was having with Alana. Leaving Will alone with enough food and water for the night, Hannibal had said his goodbyes before leaving. When he came hone it was with Alana in his arms, as he would be needing an alibi for his next victim. She didn't even suspect that he was playing her, but he would let her get lost in his embrace. Or would have, if Will hadn't cone charging through the bedroom door growling and snapping at Alana. "Hannibal! What the Hell!" She guessed jumping away from the man, and onto the bed. Will barked st her, standing guard of Hannibal. "Will, down! She us s guest." Hannibal snapped, pulling at the dog's collar when he didn't give up. Hannibal had to lock him out if his room, as Will would not calm down, growling at the sight of Alana. There were a few whimpers, before Will had growled again and ran off to some other part if the house. "I'm sorry Alana, he usually doesn't act like this, he's very kind and protective of me." Hannibal confessed, soothing Alana with his words. "Maybe you should keep him on a leash if he gets like that again. Anyways, where were we?" "Of course." The next morning, after Alana had left for work, Hannibal had started making Will breakfast, only to notice his dog was nowhere to be seen. "Will?" He called out, setting the knife down and cleaning his hands, before searching for the dog. He looked in the study, the backyard, and his own room, before staring to look through the other room's. And yet, the stray was no where to be seen. He was beginning to worry about his dog's safety, before finding him in a room far off in the back of his house. "Will...come, it's time to eat." Hannibal ordered from the door, watching the dog lay on an empty bed. He saw one of Will's ears flicker towards him, before flattening back down. The dog didn't move, and grumbled slightly when Hannibal came close. "I see. Very well, I'd you decide that your hungry food will be set out for you, but of you just want to pout around all day then don't let me get in your way. I have other things to do." And with that, he left for work, uncertain about the heaviness in his heart as he drove to work. He couldn't pay attention to anything his patients were frying to him, as his mind only ran around as to why Will was so upset.  Although he did notice the very rude man that was dragging his dog home, kicking the shivering dog when it tried to stop and sniff at a passing object. Hannibal's frown had increased, and he began to boil with rage. How dare this pig be so low as to kick around a helpless dog, right there Hannibal decided who his next victim would be. "Will?" Hannibal called out while setting his jacket on a hook, and checked the kitchen. His heart wrenched at the sight of the food that he left out, which had not been eaten. Why was Will acting like this? Surely a dog wouldn't understand how human relationships go, or be..jealous of Alana. Dog's can't get jealous, can they? Taking the stairs by two, Hannibal quietly walked over to the room he had found the pouch lying in this morning. Surprised to see that Will was lying in the same spot he had been in the morning, he sighed and walkers over to sit next to the dog. Will growled when he moved a hand close to his head, but Hannibal wasn't going to let some dog scare him off by just growling. Placing his hand on Will's soft fur he began to stroke at his pointed ears, waiting for the dog to fully calm down before speaking. "There was man I saw today after work, he had a dog and wouldn't stop kicking the puppy no matter how many times the dog cried out." Hannibal announced, listening to the soft growls growing from the dog under his hand. "I think I'll kill him tonight." Now that had gotten Will's attention, as the dog sat up on his hind legs, looking straight at Hannibal with full interest. Smiling Hannibal scratched behind Will's ear, and explained his plan to him fully. Will barked and wagged his tail, leaving Hannibal a little worried about himself since he just explained to a dog how he would kill then cook someone. He just shrugged, and waited till night fall. And when the moon was at it's highest peak, and the dark had settled in he left the house. Followed the drunken man and led him to an empty warehouse, where he proceded to kill the man and harvest his organs. Not expecting to see Will waltzing in eight after him, and watching Hannibal work. "You are a very strange dog." Hannibal smiled, before leaning down to kiss Will's snout. Only to have himself thrown backwards by some invisible force, and a blinding light to caste itself in the room. When he looked up again he did not see a once stray mutt sitting there, but a naked man. A very lovely looking naked, with a halo if dark curls, blue eyes which held age and wisdom, and a smile of a predator. The naked man then skipped over to where Hannibal played, pulling him up by his lapels and kissing him on the mouth. Those cruel plush of his did wonders to Hannibal, as he began to clutch at the man's curls and lithe body. "I've been waiting to do that for a long time, Hannibal." The man purred, pressing kisses to Hannibal's chin. "May I ask for an explanation on where my beloved dog went, or is this just a dream because I had a heart attack or something?" He mused, leaning his head back for Will to have more room. "Well you see here Hannibal, I was cursed by a witch after I fed her the meat of her own lived one and child. So she cursed me, and the only way to break the curse is if my soulmate kissed me, of course it did take a long, ling time for me to find another cannibal who would kiss a dog." He explained. "And after a few weeks, ta-da, I'm human once again, and with my soulmate." "I see. That explains the William Shakespeare book, meaning that your name is William. And when Alana came home that night, that's why you were so mean to her, was because I am made for you." Hannibal hummed, running fingers through those dark curls. "Well, not only do you belong to me since we're soulmates, but she's also the witch who cursed me. But she must have gone dumb after the decades, because even I could tell you were feeding me human from the first meal you made me." Will scoffed, pulling at Hannibal's tie, and sucking at his neck. "And now, what will you do, since you are human once again?" "Go back to my old job, duh, there's still a lot of pigs who need to be cooked in this world. And my, my Hannibal have you caught a good one. Shall we?" Hannibal smiled cruelly at Will, pulling at the man's curls to give him a searing kiss. Listening to those beautiful moans that escaped Will's sinful mouth. "We shall. And after that, I think I owe you a night in my bed." "Oh, you don't even know how much you owe me, Hannibal." Together they made a mural of death with the man Hannibal had killed, and when they arrived back at Hannibal's house they fucked like wild animals. Growling and clawing, hissing and scratching at one another, while leaving bites and marks. Hannibal would then wake up the next day to make Will a feast of a breakfast, and explain to him how they were going to kill Alana. Will had practically jumped around in joy at Hannibal's plan, pulling the man in for another kiss which would end with a less in the kitchen. Haha, I love writing. Tomorrow is "Rapunzel" and I probably didn't spell that right, but whatever. I hope you like Kaecilious cause he's going to be in the next event

[kidkei]

PawNews24’s 2019 Gear of the Year

If there’s one factor that drives us loopy, it’s spending our hard-earned cash on one thing that appears helpful for our canines – however breaks inside just some makes use of, or fails to ship something particular. The objects right here, in distinction, are all examined and true. This is stuff that’s value the time, price, and hassle.

Clawguard Scratch Shield $26

GO TO: Clawguard Charlotte, NC clawguard.com

We had been shocked by the simplicity and effectiveness of this product after we first noticed it at a pet merchandise commerce present – a sheet of sturdy plastic that hangs from the doorknob on the inside of your door and covers each your door and the door body, stopping your dog from scratching the door or body. Brilliant! 

Clawguard is supposed to hold on the inside of doorways; this assumes a dog who’s inside the home and scratching to get out. As such, it doesn’t intrude with the opening of a door inward. But in case you had been in search of an answer to guard the exterior of a door that swings inward (as in the case of a dog who was locked exterior and was attempting to get in), you’d need to take the Clawguard off the door earlier than opening it. 

One aspect of the Clawguard sheet is clean and the different has little ridges. Turn it whichever method you favor: When a dog scratches on the aspect with the ridges, his claws make a loud “scritch!” sounds that is sufficient to dissuade many canines from scratching once more. If you’re extra averse to the noise than your dog, simply flip the Clawguard round.

Clawguard is available in two weights (thicknesses): common and heavy obligation. Doors could be well-protected by the common Clawguard from smaller canines and canines who aren’t strongly invested in scratching, however the heavy-duty could be really useful for canines with separation nervousness or who’ve a well-established behavior of door-destruction.  

The firm features a piece of adhesive-backed hook-and-loop fastener that can be utilized to safe the backside of the sheet if wanted; in opinions, we’ve seen some patrons point out that they wanted to purchase extra strips of comparable materials to carry the sheet actually firmly in place – a small value to pay to guard your own home.

Clawguard could be bought instantly from the firm, or for a bit much less from on-line retailers similar to Chewy.com and Amazon.com. The firm doesn’t take cellphone orders however is responsive through e mail.

Pooch Paper 50 sheets: $12

GO TO: Pooch Paper New York, NY littlebooandyou.com

Reducing plastic consumption is an ongoing purpose for a lot of of us, however relating to poop baggage, it’s the place could house owners draw the line. Biodegradeable baggage improved issues considerably, however nonetheless contained plastic – an imperfect answer. 

Here’s the first product we’ve discovered that works effectively for selecting up and disposing dog poop that accommodates no plastic in anyway. Pooch Paper a big sheet (about 12 x 12 inches) of recycled, non-chlorine-bleached, coated paper – kind of like wax paper. It’s sturdy sufficient to seize even massive or squishy piles of poop with out breaking or leaking by way of, and upon getting it contained, you simply twist up the edges and carry it by the prime of the bundle till you discover an applicable place to dispose it. And it’s actually, really, totally biodegradable and compostable. 

Folks who’re accustomed to selecting up after which carrying dog waste for a ways will undoubtedly miss the handles of their environmentally unpleasant plastic baggage. But if the poop it’s a must to choose up doesn’t need to be carried far, you’ll discover this paper greater than sufficient for maintaining your arms and the earth equally clear.

Pooch Paper is available in a field of 50 folded sheets for $12 for many customers; dog daycare or shelters could be curious about a field of 4,000 flat sheets for $450. Purchase on-line from the producer’s Etsy retailer (Etsy.com/shop/littlebooandyou)

“Raising the worst dog ever” $20

GO TO: “Raising the Worst Dog Ever” DDTA Publishing, 2019

Books which can be written to tell do that finest once they have a narrative to inform. Dog coach Dale M. Ward’s new ebook Raising the Worst Dog Ever: A Survival Guide (DDTA Publishing, 2019) exemplifies this notion. This ebook is first an intensive, fascinating, and progressively minded puppy-raising information, written for house owners who want to “do things right” with their new member of the family. Second, it’s a private and touching memoir of Ward’s life with canines generally, and with one dog particularly, her Labrador Retriever, Wylie (aka “The Best/Worst Dog Ever”). 

The ebook begins with the creator’s relocation to a distant space in Wisconsin’s Northwoods area together with her new husband. Isolated and infrequently alone in an unfamiliar neighborhood, Ward decides to convey a brand new dog into her life – enter pet Wylie. Ward tells the story of Wylie’s journey interwoven into her personal private story, utilizing a sequence of occasions and adventures that they encounter collectively throughout Wylie’s life. This partaking strategy is riveting and entertaining – and an extremely useful instructing software. Each vignette features a part at the finish that gives pertinent dog-raising recommendation. Ward not solely delivers wonderful dog coaching info (and the science that helps it), but additionally consists of reams of info concerning dog conduct, the significance of day by day routines, canines’ train and enrichment wants, security and accountable dog possession, and well being – all issues that new house owners must know and might profit from. 

While Ward directs her recommendation to new pet house owners, the breadth and depth of dog coaching and conduct info on this ebook can be useful to everybody from seasoned dog house owners to skilled trainers. Ward’s and Wylie’s private tales are poignant and endearing, and the creator’s message is uplifting. I discovered myself falling in love with candy Wylie and revisiting many of my very own cherished canines from years previous. This is a ebook for curling up subsequent to your canines, hugging them shut, and following the journey of Wylie and Dale’s life collectively. 

The additional advantage is that additionally, you will be taught loads about reward-based and dog-centered coaching strategies alongside the method. Ward is the proprietor of Dale’s Dog Training Academy, LLC, situated in northeast North Carolina. Dale is a licensed Victoria Stilwell Positively Dog Trainer (VSPDT), a Fear Free Certified Professional Dog Trainer, and a licensed Family Paws Parent Educator. Readers will profit from Ward’s dog coaching expertise and information – and be entertained and moved by her tales of life with Wylie. – Linda P. Case

 “Canine Enrichment for the Real World” $20

GO TO: “Canine Enrichment for the Real World” Dogwise Publishing, 2019

I’m an enormous fan of making canines’ lives as enriched as attainable, full of alternatives for them to have interaction in very doggy actions, train for his or her our bodies and brains, and challenges which can be inside their skills to unravel (however not too simple). But even so, I questioned how somebody may suppose of sufficient enriching actions and toys to fill a small ebook, a lot much less a 230-page ebook! 

Silly me; that’s far from all the ebook discusses; it’s not only a record of video games and meals puzzles that your dog would possibly take pleasure in. The authors clarify that enrichment is not only giving our canines issues to do or creating an atmosphere that appears good to us. Rather, they are saying, “Enrichment is learning what our dogs needs really are and then structuring an environment for them that allows them, as much as feasible, to meet those needs.”

They add: “If we don’t understand who dogs are as a species or what their needs actually are, the enrichment process will not get very far. If we rely on myths, misunderstandings, and romanticized notions abut dogs, we are bound to miss the mark when trying to enrich them. For this reason, this book covers a much broader range of topics than most people might expect from a book about enrichment. This isn’t just about toys and play. It’s about who dogs are, the entire spectrum of their physical, behavioral, and instinctual needs, and how we can meet those needs as a part of our daily routine.”

The authors have utterly and engagingly succeeded in describing what canines want in an effort to be behaviorally, mentally, and emotionally wholesome and the way, in sensible and readily achievable methods, we will present these issues to the companions we love a lot. 

The authors are extremely educated animal conduct consultants (they every have CDBC, CPDT-KA, and SBA certifications) who work with all companion animal species and have intensive dog coaching résumés. They make the behavioral science that underpins their suggestions accessible to even novice house owners and engaging to even very skilled trainers. I’ll be sending copies of this ebook residence with each foster dog or pet I place any further. – Nancy Kerns

BreezeGuards $260 pair

GO TO: Mutt Managers Woodinville, WA (866)653-5631 breezeguard.com

Any of you ever convey your dog with you in the automobile? Of course! Don’t all of us? But it’s gotten increasingly more worrisome, particularly if we park the automobile and go away our canines inside for even the quickest errand. When we go away the home windows cracked solely a bit, we run the threat of both our canines being too heat or individuals pondering (erroneously) that our canines are too heat – and if we decrease the home windows an excessive amount of, we run the threat that somebody would possibly attain inside and steal our dog, or that our dog jumps out!

Enter BreezeGuards: custom-made welded metal wire mesh cage panels or “screens” that suit your automobile’s window opening. They are offered in units of two, to make sure a cross-breeze in your automobile, and set up from the inside of the car to permit totally free motion of the window glass, so you’ll be able to go away them in place if you get again in the automobile, activate the air con, and shut the home windows. 

They are additionally sturdy sufficient to include even a big dog who’s motivated to flee your automobile. If you’ve gotten considerations about this, watch the set up instruction video on the producer’s web site; you’ll see how these usually are not simply mounted by the strain of the window, like the low-cost plastic screens offered elsewhere. BreezeGuards are custom-made in your precise car mannequin (in order that they match the window opening totally and exactly) and have anchors that slide down into the door, between the window glass and the door body. You can go away them in place and drive with the window open or closed, and open and shut the automobile door usually. 

BreezeGuards are made in Washington state and can arrive about three weeks after ordering. Everyone we all know who already has them says they’ll by no means have one other automobile with out them. 

Ventlock $20 – $36

Want to extend the airflow in your parked automobile much more – once more, with out permitting somebody to achieve in and steal your safely crated dog or different belongings? Then you could be on this ingenious little product, which lets you prop open your automobile’s tailgate, rear hatch, or perhaps a aspect door, whereas concurrently stopping the locked door from being opened sufficient for anybody to achieve inside and take issues. 

The Ventlock is a metal rod that connects to each ends of the locking mechanisms that latch and lock your automobile hatch or door. It is available in lengths starting from 4 inches (to be used with uncrated canines in cooler climate) to 24 inches (for canines in massive crates solely, as a result of in any other case they may escape, and small crates could possibly be stolen).

GO TO: Clean Run South Hadley, MA (800)311-6503 cleanrun.com

There are photographs on the Clean Run web site that present the Ventlock being utilized in many alternative methods, with many differing types of vehicles and vans. Watch the demonstration video, too, so you’ll be able to see how the software is used, and the way simple it’s to placed on and take off (so long as you’ve gotten the keys to the automobile!). 

If you used an appropriately sized Ventlock on a automobile’s rear hatch together with BreezeGuards, you’d have as a lot air coming by way of the automobile as attainable, with as a lot safety in your dog as attainable. Sounds like a terrific tactic for anybody who travels loads with a dog.

PetAmI waterproof dog blanket $21

When you’ve gotten canines, having just a few waterproof blankets round is useful, particularly in the winter. Waterproof blankets can maintain your automobile seats dry and clear, even when your dog decides to put down in that vast puddle proper earlier than leaving the dog park. They will help your dog get heat and dry after coming again inside from going potty – with out making your couch scent like damp dog. And if in case you have an older dog with occasional urinary incontinence or one who leaks urine whereas sleeping, waterproof blankets are a godsend, stopping the must launder cumbersome dog beds or your individual mattress comforter – simply pop the blanket in the washer. 

But when a good friend really useful this blanket to us as a possible Gear of the Year entry, we had been frankly doubtful. One aspect of the blanket is fleecy; the different is clean. It simply doesn’t seem like the kind of blanket that might be waterproof. Most of the waterproof mattress covers and blankets we’ve seen weren’t very inviting materials; they largely appeared kind of canvas-like. This blanket appears fluffy and tender!

GO TO: PetAmi Waterproof Dog Blanket amazon.com

We expressed our skepticism – to which our good friend responded with a video she made, the place she poured a glass of water over the blanket so we may see the water pool on the prime, after which run proper off when she held the blanket upright. Well, all proper!

Our good friend has a 70-pound dog who generally experiences urinary incontinence whereas asleep, and this blanket, our good friend says, has contained the complete, um, problem on a couple of event. In the 9 months our good friend has owned it, she has washed the blanket a quantity of occasions and says it’s nonetheless repelling the occasional accident – and demonstration!

Available in a minimum of a dozen colours and patterns. Our solely bone to choose: The PetAmi Waterproof blanket is barely 30 by 40 inches. 

Zee.Bed $90 – $120

Have you ever purchased one of these space-age mattresses that comes tightly wrapped – a heavy, dense roll of compressed foam that expands to a number of occasions its dimension when reduce free of the wrapping? If so, and in case you love sleeping in that mattress – effectively, you simply would possibly love this comparable mattress in your dog, too. 

The core of the Zee.Bed is a “viscoelastic foam” – a kind of reminiscence foam that breathes and molds itself to your dog, regardless of his resting posture. It’s molded in a rectangle, with a raised edge that serves as a pillow for canines with a sprawled sleeping model or gently accommodates canines who sleep curled in a ball. The mattress’s base options anti-slip rubber nubs that maintain the mattress in place, and its cowl has an all-the-way-round zipper that permits for ridiculously simple elimination and alternative after washing. The Zee Bed is available in two sizes: the Small is 22 x 25 inches; the Large is 28 x 32.

Zee.Dog says it takes about three hours for the mattress’s foam, maximally compressed for transport, to puff as much as its final, cushiony thickness. Less than an hour into the growth course of, our check dog checked out the mattress. After just a few exploratory sniffs and circles, he deemed it higher than all the different beds scattered round our workplace, and wouldn’t get off till dinnertime. 

GO TO: Zee.Dog Raleigh, NC zeedog.com

Zee.Dog provides a $40 to $60 “Watershield” mattress cowl as an adjunct. It’s a skinny artificial ripstop material that’s meant for use to cowl the foam core of the mattress, underneath the Zee.Bed’s microfiber cowl, stopping any liquid from reaching the foam (the reminiscence foam, like your individual reminiscence foam mattress, is just not meant to be washed). 

The firm doesn’t take cellphone orders however is responsive through e mail.

Lakse Kronch Pocket trainers $6

Look, we all know that treats that consist solely of recent roasted meat or aromatic cheese are what dog trainers imply once they counsel utilizing high-value treats. But generally, you want a deal with that’s smells tremendous fascinating to your dog however that you would be able to carry in the pocket of your denims or skirt – a dry deal with that’s nonetheless of sufficiently high-value for coaching in even a really distracting atmosphere. That’s the place Lakse Kronch Pocket Trainers excel!

GO TO: Kronch USA Sanford, NC (866)457-6624 kronchusa.com

These treats are made with salmon (76%) and potato meal (24%) – that’s all. The maker calls them “pocket treats” as a result of many dog house owners take pleasure in placing the dried treats of their pockets for dog walks with out having to fret about the scent of salmon being left on their clothes. But imagine us: Dogs can scent the deliciousness. 

Kronch USA says the salmon in the treats is recent, by no means frozen, Norwegian salmon that’s processed inside 24 hours of being caught. The treats include no ethoxyquin or different preservatives and are made in Denmark. They make terrific, behavior-building treats or very wholesome dietary supplements in your dog.

Note: We bought from CleanRun.com. 

Lotus Ball $12 

Treat Hugger $9

The Lotus Ball is just not actually a ball – it’s so lightweight that you would be able to’t throw it very far; it’s extra of a treat-dispensing toy.

But it’s not the kind of food-puzzle that you just give to your dog to occupy his time when you are engaged in one thing else. 

The Lotus Ball (and the Treat Hugger) belong to a class of their very own: toys that maintain meals however are used for coaching lures and/or rewards. The toy side is most reinforcing to some canines – and once they uncover that there are scrumptious treats inside, it makes the toy much more rewarding. Food-motivated canines can be drawn to the aroma of the treats you stash inside, however must work for a second to get at the treats – and most conduct consultants agree that the anticipation of the deal with is sort of extra reinforcing than the deal with itself!

An added bonus is that you would be able to throw these treat-laden toys, serving to to ship a reward to your dog at a distance from your self – very helpful for sports activities coaching!

The Lotus Ball is designed a bit like a flower, with three stuffed mesh “petals” that join alongside their edges with a hook-and-loop (Velcro-like) fastener. The mesh makes the aroma of the treats inside very accessible, tantalizing your dog and motivating him to make use of his paws and mouth to open the toy to achieve them. 

The Lotus Ball is offered in three sizes: Mini, Small, and Medium. Clean Run additionally sells a Lotus Ball Braided Fleece Tug ($15) – a fleece Lotus Ball with an 18-inch fleece-braided “tail.” 

GO TO: Clean Run South Hadley, MA (800) 311-6503 cleanrun.com

The Treat Hugger operates in the similar method, however has no hook-and-loop fastener to decelerate the dog who has earned the deal with. Instead the deal with is held in a crevice in the heart of the toy; it’s a lot simpler to get it out, making this toy extra applicable for puppies or canines who don’t have sturdy foraging expertise. Also, some canines are averse to the “ripping” sound that hook-and-loop fasteners make when torn aside; the Treat Hugger has no Velcro-like fasteners, making it extra very best for these sound-sensitive canines. It additionally accommodates extra stuffing than the Lotus Ball and so appeals extra to canines who particularly like stuffed toys. 

If your dog will get rapidly bored of the standard treats or toys, or will get distracted simply, these toys could be simply the ticket. They are nice instruments for serving to you retain your dog eager and centered – eyes on the prize(s)! 

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source https://pawnews24.com/whole-dog-journals-2019-gear-of-the-year/

[hoodiedesigninspiration]

I am slowly permitting proceed of my summertime house and all its leisurely pursuits incorporating art.This piece determined a new residence in Montreal. I was sad to view it move. It reminds me of a bird in air travel in fall.I had any occasion in NY that left me wanting even more of those leisurely pursuits for the edge on the Atlantic Ocean, and when I came house fall was all of a sudden in the oxygen. Before I could even create a list of all the things that needed doing in my St. John's house, Thanksgiving seemed to be looming and I got to add a little fall colour.Thankfully nature aided outside. I had fashioned a lovely show of colour in my own planter and could even aesthetically "claim" the maple tree across the street.Related Images with Home Designs Australia [monuara] YouTubeEntrance Design Ideas Get Inspired by photos of Entrances from Australian Designers Trade My one proactive fall decor energy before my getaway was a flop. My container of fall flowers needed to be laid to rest when I acquired back again. A frantic trip to the storage bedroom yielded a good supply of bogus slide foliage and an old wreath that has been called to work many times. Some other years when I'm less rushed I use natural materials in my own outdoor arrangements.My art selection never enables me down and slip colours abound for reasons uknown. Like this lovely mixed media part by Newfoundland artist Anita Singh who is represented by The Leyton Gallery. Is it possible to find the covering moth and the bronze cones?Grand Designs Australia HandbookAnd this item by Newfoundland musician Mike Gough that certainly evokes thoughts of the landscape in fall.From daily I move things around just to keep things interesting.And then there's my antler that becomes called upon for most jobs. Sometimes on the table ...And a seed never will go astray in a house. My little crystal bird always seems to be right for the growing season.As you can see, I don't place much effort directly into my seasonal decor. Think about you?Dixon Homes House Builders AustraliaDo you love to continually redecorate, change with the times of year etc. Are you someone who likes accessories? Lots of people have got this "sophisticated" current, concept of beauty and need their living spots to reveal that.Believe it or not, there's also folks who are equally determined never to have spaces that are perfect and new. They like considerably more pared down, earthy, relaxed environments that have "real" objects in them. Some refer to this glimpse as zen.Grand Designs Australia: Sustainable bushland home CompletehomeAs in every things there's usually a mid road that folks like to consider. I am certainly not, nor never have been, attracted to glamorous spots, with silk, sparkle and too much excess. Comfortable, relaxed and clean lined is even more my vibe.I have always found the Japanese globe view/aesthetic of wabi sabi that acknowledges three simple realities: nothing is maintained, nothing is completed, and nothing is perfect, pretty freeing. Such values enable you to allow the dents, scratches, wrinkles, splits, breaks and scuffs within the history of a piece that makes it unique and real. If you want to know more about wabi sabi check out this post.

http://myhomedreamshome.blogspot.com/2019/08/home-designs-australia-monuara-youtube.html

[connorrenwick]

Still House: A Quietly Beautiful Respite in a Fast-Moving City

In a bustling, ever-moving city like New York, finding or creating a place of calm and serenity is a priority, at least for shop owner Urte Tylaite of Still House. Nestled in a small but airy and light-filled space in the East Village, Still House is indeed that tranquil respite New Yorkers and out-of-towners crave when the metropolis gets too overwhelming. With her thoughtful sensibility and eye for local + international design, Urte has curated a shop that’s filled with more than just beautiful objects – it’s filled with purposeful design that helps you cultivate an intentional lifestyle, one where each object not only fulfills a need but also elevates the act of fulfilling it.

At Still House, Korean earthenwares, Japanese planters, Danish lighting, Brooklyn-crafted vases, and candles hand-poured in California are displayed next to one another without any interruption in aesthetics or break in form, as if they were always meant to be next to each other. It’s this level of curation and skill for perfectly styled still life vignette that sets Urte’s shop apart from other boutiques.

Photo by Sharon Radisch

In Still House’s new storefront (the shop recently moved earlier this year), Urte has expanded the store beyond just a shop. It now also exists as a platform for local artists and designers to showcase their latest exhibition or body of work. With Still House’s own in-house jewelry line rounding out the boutique shop, it’s no wonder that the store is a design destination favorite in the city. Read on as we chat with Urte about her history with New York, the shop’s upcoming events, and her process for curating beautiful pieces for her shop and her home…

Photo by Sharon Radisch

Why did you pick this city and neighborhood?

I moved to New York in 2003 and fell for this city immediately. It’s very stimulating and inspiring.

I found myself spending a lot of time in the East Village, working weekends in restaurants during college, and assisting a jewelry designer post graduation. The East Village has a very interesting history and a strong sense of community. It is the birthplace of many artistic movements and is considered a center for all things counterculture since the 1960s. Even though it has changed a lot since then, I would argue that its core character is still strongly intact.

The idea behind opening the shop was to curate a collection of objects for the home produced by local artists. The process of how they are made and the intention behind them gives each piece purpose. It is an alternative way to create a distinct environment at home. The East Village felt like a natural home to fuel this concept.

Where did you get the name for the store?

I was very interested in the idea of calmness as a juxtaposition to New York’s bustling daily life. What better place to create it than home which we return to every evening. I played around with multiple synonyms for ‘calm’ and ‘home’ before arriving at Still House.

Photo by Sharon Radisch

Installation of Formations by Pat Kim; Photo by Sharon Radisch

Has it changed much since it opened? How?

The most recent change was our move to a new storefront earlier this year. We stayed in our beloved East Village, but moved a couple of blocks over to 9th Street. The original location opened in 2011 and I was itching to renovate the interior. Sometimes these simple changes in the surroundings, in my case a redesigned storefront, affect us in unexpected ways. The final result energized me to share the new store with a wider range of artists by hosting exhibitions and events. Our first show was Formations by the artist Pat Kim. The show opened back in May 2018 and consisted of a collection of ten one-of-a-kind wooden sculptures.

We also hosted a photography and drawing show by the artist Emily Johnston titled What Hildegard Heard this summer consisting of three diptychs of photographs and drawings by the artist.

Installation of What Hildegard Heard by Emily Johnston; Photo by Emily Johnston

What’s one of the challenges you have with the business?

I have to admit it is difficult to name only one. At this moment, workflow organization seems to be the top pain-point. There are always new projects, collections, and ventures and it can be hard to allocate time for everything. No two days are ever the same but that’s part of the fun of it. Even though our team is lean, we always make it work!

What other stores have you worked in before opening this one?

Home-goods and jewelry store in Carroll Gardens called Swallow, and a jewelry store called St. Kilda, that was located in Park Slope.

Champagne glasses by Sugahara Glassware

What’s your favorite item in the store right now?

Matte Black Glassware by Sugahara Glassblowing Studio in Japan. I am obsessed with its satin finish.

What is this season’s inspiration?

I always organized displays by monochrome color. One shelf would be dedicated to white, another to yellow, a third to green, and one more to black. This season I am intrigued by introducing bold color accents. I am combining bold greens with creamy whites and strong reds with more neutral beige tones.

Marge Lurie ceramics; Photo by Colin Athens

Marge Lurie ceramics; Photo by Colin Athens

Are you carrying any new products and/or undiscovered gems you’re particularly excited about?

I am a huge fan of Manhattan based ceramicist Marge Lurie’s new black underglaze series. I love the juxtaposition of her classic forms in this strong minimal tone.

What’s been a consistent best seller?

This season, the Carrie LED Lamp by Menu has been very popular. Lighting is a new category for us, so it’s very exciting to see it attract so much attention. The light has three settings from dim to bright and is charged via USB. It can be used as a lantern, as an ambiance light in the living room, or hung on the wall as a night light. I believe this versatility is what draws our customers to this design.

Carrie LED Lamp by Menu; Photo by Colin Athens

Carrie LED Lamp by Menu; Photo by Colin Athens

What’s your process for selecting + curating the objects in your shop?

I primarily look for hand-made and locally made pieces with a minimal aesthetic. This search most often starts within our immediate community. The artists we work with recommend we take a look at their colleagues’ work or our customers recommend us studios they have come across. These types of connections lead to the best discoveries, though we try to attend design fairs and always go through all artists submissions in our inbox. Over the past few years, I have also come across a few international design studios I could not resist.

Yoon Young Hur ceramics; Photo by Sharon Radisch

Yoon Young Hur ceramics; Photo by Sharon Radisch

Any special events/exhibits/pop ups/collaborations coming up?

I am very excited to host the debut show Antecedere by ceramic artist Yoon Young Hur opening on Thursday, November 15th 6-9pm. She is creating a grouping of sculptures inspired by the ancient Korean ritual earthenware “toggi”. Her contemporary take on these ancient vessels serves as an introduction and exploration into the deep cultural and historical ties between contemporary ceramics, ancient rituals, and the human experience.

On Thursday, December 6th, we are hosting the opening for the photographer Emily Johnston. Her new body of work is called Ash Drawings. The photographs on display will be a documentation of drawings she made by casting ashes into the snow; an act of release, but also of divination.

Do you have anything from the store in your own home?

Oh yes. A lot actually. Tall stacking glasses by Toyo-Sasaki, dinner plates by Mondays, a vase by Robert Hessler, but pieces by Hasami Porcelain are the ones I use every day.

Hasami Porcelain tea set

Still House jewelry

How would you describe your jewelry line? What makes each piece so special?

Jewelry was part of the store’s curation since the it opened in 2011. I love representing other jewelers’ pieces, but when I launched the line I was interested in exploring what jewelry treated as a design object would look like. In 2013, with this intention in mind, Still House Jewelry was born. I aim to create pieces that are beautiful to look at and are comfortable to wear. They are dainty, minimal pieces full of subtle detail. All gold is recycled and I source my diamonds from Canada.

Still House jewelry

Still House jewelry

Still House jewelry

What’s one lesson you’ve learned since opening your store?

One of the most important lessons I learned is to stay true to myself. Over time in any work field certain tasks become repetitive and decision making can naturally develop into automated action. It’s a lot easier to be swayed by current trends when in this state, rather than focusing on longevity. I have created the best work and have the most fun when I take a step back and focus on what it is that I am most curious about.

If you could give one piece of advice to someone who wants to follow a similar path to yours, what would it be?

Create an atmosphere where people around you feel welcomed to share their honest opinions. It takes a strong team to grow a business.

Photo by Sharon Radisch

Stop by Still House at 307 E 9th St, New York, NY 10003!

via http://design-milk.com/

from WordPress https://connorrenwickblog.wordpress.com/2018/11/06/still-house-a-quietly-beautiful-respite-in-a-fast-moving-city/

[cxlvins]

...000. INTRODUCTION.

helloooo lovelies ! my name is evan (he/him), i’m twenty-two and from the gmt timezone ! i’m super excited for this to open because i’ve got so much muse right now. i’m down for any and all plots, seriously, i love plotting ! this is calvin, he’s an angry mess of a character, but he’s fun to play, so ! if you just wanna get to know the character, you can skip past the other sections and just focus on personality, i’ve also put some wanted connections in there too ! if you would like to plot, then either shoot me a message here or on discord (heterosexual? how vintage!#8600) or alternatively, like this post and i will message you !

caution: alcohol, drugs, mental health, death.

›› ✱ xavier serrano, cismale, he/him. you’ve met calvin marx, right? they’re around twenty-three and a twitch streamer. they’re all about thrift store clothing and the faint smell of cologne and cigarettes, hence why they’re known as the spitfire around town. everyone knows them to be pretty gregarious but i’ve heard they’re actually sort of volatile, too… don’t tell them i said that, okay?

...001. BRIEF HISTORY.

calvin grew up very underprivileged for the first 11 years of his life in brooklyn, ny.

his father died when he was 5 years old to a drug overdose, leading his mother became a single mother to him and his younger sister, essentially meaning that calvin had to grow up and be the ‘man of the house’ without having a choice.

because of her new single-mother status, calvins mother had to work 3 different jobs in order for the family to pay rent (a cleaner in mornings, a store assistant in the day and a bartender in the evenings), which meant she was rarely home and left calvin to raise both himself and younger sister.

from a very early age, it was apparent that calvin suffered from anger issues, dyslexia and adhd, constantly getting into fights at every opportunity, his complete inability to focus and never managing to make it through a week at school without a phone call home.

these issues remained untreated, due to his mother putting it down to the ‘boys will be boys’ ideology, and concluding that calvin was just an energetic one at that.

because of this, calvin fell into the wrong crowd pretty quickly and settled into his mindset that he was never going to achieve all that much anyway, because no matter how hard he tried, he could never score well on any test at school.

at the age of 9, calvins mother met, fell in love with and soon married a former client for whom she cleaned for.  calvins new step father was incredibly wealthy, due to being a successful franchisee and also being very largely into stock trading.

calvin, his sister and mother were all moved to his home in cherrybrooks, which calvin struggled to adjust to, as he missed his friends back north.

now having access to as much money as he want led him down an early path into experimenting with drugs and alcohol, which soon became a bad habit.

although he wanted to drop out of school, his new step-father would not allow it, which became a large source of conflict for the family over the course of the next few years.

failing to graduate high school at age eighteen, calvin couldn’t deal with living with his family any more and left the house to move into a small apartment, 30 minutes away, with a roommate (possibly a member of the clique).

calvins only real passions were for gaming and sport, and as he smoked and did way too many drugs to make it in any sporting profession, he turned his attention to twitch streaming. he began this pretty soon and built up a solid fanbase (which he wanted to call the marxists, but in calvins words, apparently some dead man already claimed that title).

...002. PERSONALITY.

calvin is a naturally angry person who can lose his cool and go from 0 to 100 in a matter of seconds, he rarely gives off signs that he is getting angry until he boils over, so people tend to watch what they say around him.

calvin is self-serving, his feelings will always come before those around him. although he is getting better at managing this, if something will result in calvin gaining something at the expense of somebody else, he will most likely go ahead with it.

calvin is not well educated, so he doesn’t tend to enjoy arguing with words, as he can never seem to find the ones to correctly express how he feels. instead, calvin is much more likely to act physically when something has irritated him (whether this be on a person or inanimate object).

calvin is an awful liar, he cannot lie to save his life as his face always tends to show when he doesn’t agree with an idea/opion/thought that somebody says. because of this, he is very outspoken, and will just say what he’s thinking regardless of if it’s going to hurt somebodies feelings. he’d rather upset them with the truth, than get caught out for lying.

calvin is an extrovert and gains energy from being around people - the more people the better, because of this, he has become a major party animal and loves attending any and all parties that is going on, despite if he’s fond of the hosts or not.

calvin is a heavy user of drugs, alcohol & cigarettes. this is primarily down to his naturally addictive personality and constant need to feel like he’s happy, so that he doesn’t get sad again. there will rarely be a day where he will not  be intoxicated in some way and he will have a cigarette at least once an hour – and that’s on a good day.

calvin is very much into sports. although not a natural athlete, nor somebody interested in playing sports competitively, calvin loves watching any and all sports, and he likes to play them when he can. due to his smoking habit, he can’t play sports for too long, but will always give it a good go.

similarly to this, calvin is very much into gaming. calvin loves fast-paced games, because they manage to keep his attention despite him not having a very long attention span. most games that he plays are first person shooters, and he’s usually the guy on the mic screaming when a teammate fucks up during online play. a big appeal to him was that games were the only thing he could focus his mind on as a child.

calvin is very much a boys boy, he genuinely abides by the bible of ‘ bros before hoes ‘ because he’s stupid.

calvin hates movies but loves tv, he finds that watching moves involves sitting still for too long, but tv allows him to take more breaks and keeps his interest for longer. although. he’d probably trade both of them for a chance to leave the house.

...003. TRAITS.

[ G R E G A R I O U S ] (+) — a person fond of company; sociable.

[ I N T U I T I V E ] (+) — using or based on what one feels to be true even without conscious reasoning; instinctive.

[ F O R T H R I G H T ] (+) — direct and outspoken.

[ V O L A T I L E ] (-) — liable to change rapidly and unpredictably, especially for the worse.

[ V E N G E F U L ] (-) — not willing to forgive or excuse people’s faults or wrongdoings.

[ H E D O N I S T I C ] (-) — engaged in the pursuit of pleasure; sensually self-indulgent.

...004. WANTED CONNECTIONS.

CURRENT BEST FRIENDS — Possibly a boy squad? I live for a good boy squad. This person will have similar interests to Calvin, or be able to tolerate his volatile mood.

CHILDHOOD BEST FRIENDS — Someone with a similar upbringing from Brooklyn, most likely they grew apart when Calvin moved to Wilmington.

RIDE OR DIES — Although he primarily looks out for himself, I’m down to have Calvin have one person who he’s loyal to and will refuse to betray, we can come up with a fun reason for why he cares so much if you’re interested in this one.

HIS ROOMMATE — Somebody that moved with Calvin into his current apartment when he moved out at 18.

A GOOD INFLUENCE ON CALVIN — One of my favorite connections for Calvin to have is somebody who knows all of his flaws and attempts to help fix them. They’ll have to be patient, though, as Calvin doesn’t see himself for having any issues.

SOMEBODY HE IS A BAD INFLUENCE OF — On the opposite, I love when Calvin has somebody that he can introduce to bad things, corrupt easily and get a kick out of watching the commotion.

EXES ON BAD TERMS — Cheating on each other is usually an easy one to go with, but if you want, we can think of something more unique as to how it all fucked up and why they now hate each other.

EXES ON GOOD TERMS — Maybe they still occasionally fuck? There could still be an attraction there, but just no romantic chemistry. Alternatively, they tried it and both just couldn’t see it going anywhere.

EXES WITH LINGERING FEELINGS — There’s a ton of different reasons for why there’s still lingering feelings. The feelings could be one-sided or both ways.

EX FLINGS — Started as friends with benefits, one of them wanted more, the other didn’t, they decided to stop before someone got hurt.

FRIENDS WITH BENEFITS — No romantic intention, just a good way to kill time at 2 AM, or maybe it’s easy to know you have someone to go home to if you don’t find someone at a party.

FRIENDS FOR NECESSITY — This friend may not have that much in common with Calvin, they may not really get on in day to day life, but they are always there to get high, attend a party or do something dumb. an easy person to talk to when they’re both bored and wanna get out.

HIS YOUNGER SISTER — If anybody fancies a second character, I’m always down to have Calvins sister in the roleplay. They can either get along or not, we’ll just figure out the details.

EX FRIENDS — Used to be close but now aren’t, plenty of reasons as to why.

ENEMIES — Despise each other, seeing this person literally makes Calvins blood boil. Possibly sexual tension too if that would work, if not, they can just fight a lot.

WILL THEY / WON’T THEY — Lots of leading on and teasing each other, maybe they both think they’re stringing the other along but it turns out neither of them are interested? Maybe they start out not interested and it backfires later, by that time the other could’ve lost interest.

ANY OTHER IDEAS YOU THINK WILL WORK !

...005. ADDITIONAL INFORMATION.

Calvin is bisexual but heteroromantic, so any sexual-based connections can be taken by any gender.

Calvins Pinterest can be located here. Please note that it contains triggers for alcohol, drugs, blood & violence.

[anthonycharlestabone]

Having trouble viewing? View in Browser Friday, November 10, 2017 Welcome to Fox News First. Not signed up yet? Click here. Developing now, Friday, Nov. 10, 2017: Alabama Republican Senate candidate Roy Moore insists he won't drop out of the race amid sex allegations President Trump sends strong trade message at APEC summit Senate GOP unveils tax plan that clashes with proposal preferred by Trump, House GOP LAPD reportedly forming task force for sex abuse cases in Hollywood THE LEAD STORY: Alabama Republican Senate candidate Roy Moore vows he "will never give up the fight" as some members of his own party urge him to drop out of the race after a report of sexual contact with a woman when she was 14 ... Meanwhile, the White House said President Trump believes Moore "will do the right thing and step aside" if the sexual misconduct allegations are true, but cautioned against a rush to judgment ... Moore lashed out at "the Obama-Clinton machine's liberal media lapdogs" after The Washington Post reported on a woman's claims that the former judge and staunch social conservative initiated a sexual encounter with her in 1979 when she was a teenager. In a series of tweets Thursday evening, Moore claimed "The forces of evil will lie, cheat, steal –– even inflict physical harm –– if they believe it will silence and shut up Christian conservatives."  Mitch McConnell: If sex allegations are true, Roy Moore must end Senate campaign What you should know about Roy Moore TRUMP TOUTS "MUTUAL RESPECT AND MUTUAL BENEFIT": President Donald Trump sent out a strong message on trade at a meeting of Asia-Pacific countries in Vietnam, saying the United States could no longer tolerate chronic trade abuses and would insist on fair and equal trade policies ... Addressing the summit of Asia-Pacific Economic Cooperation (APEC) leaders, Trump said the United States was ready to make a bilateral deal with any country in the Indo-Pacific region, but only on the basis of "mutual respect and mutual benefit." Trump's China visit brings $250 billion in U.S. business deals Trump: 'I don't blame China' for unbalanced trade  relationship with U.S. Trump to North Korea: 'Do not underestimate us' TAX REFORM IN JEOPARDY?: Republican leaders hoping for swift passage of a tax reform bill may be in for disappointment ... Senate Republicans have unveiled their own version of a tax reform bill that would cut billions in taxes for individuals and corporations – while clashing with the version preferred by President Trump and House Republicans by delaying a corporate rate cut for a year to lower the cost of the bill. The move came as a key House committee on Thursday approved a revised version of its tax bill, which included restoring the adoption tax credit after protests by family advocate groups and other interests. The Senate's bill, though, injects new drama into the debate.  GOP tax bill is a "game changer" for the American people: Kevin Brady HOLLYWOOD SEX ABUSE TASK FORCE: The sexual abuse problem in Hollywood has gotten so bad that the Los Angeles DA’s office has decided to form a special task force, whose sole purpose is to probe allegations of assault and harassment ... Los Angeles County District Attorney Jackie Lacey announced the team’s creation on Thursday as police continue to investigate claims made against some of the movie industry’s biggest names. The task force announcement comes as five women accused comedian Louis C.K. of sexual misconduct and the New York premiere of his upcoming movie, “I Love You, Daddy,” was canceled.   AS SEEN ON FOX NEWS PROBING CLINTON CAMPAIGN CASH: "Here is Hillary Clinton literally controlling every operational aspect of the DNC... in 2015... so [Sen. Bernie Sanders (I-Vt.)] didn't really have a chance. They even moved the bank account of the DNC from Washington, where it had been for decades... to the same bank in New York where Hillary Clinton's bank account was." – Campaign finance law attorney Cleta Mitchell, on "Tucker Carlson Tonight," arguing that Hillary Clinton and her campaign should be investigated over whether they "willfully" misused tens of thousands of dollars while the DNC allowed them to control much of its apparatus. WATCH TAX PLAN DEBATE: "It cannot be that it is more lucrative to not work and raise four kids with the government benefits that come with that than it is to take a job for $35,000 a year. That can't be, and our tax code should not encourage that." –  Sen. Marco Rubio, on "America's Newsroom," on his desire that the tax reform plan double the per-child tax credit to $2,000 to help working class families. WATCH   ACROSS THE NATION Texas church, site of deadly shooting, to be demolished. O.J. Simpson reportedly booted from Las Vegas hotel after drunken disturbance. Florida dad fires gun to stop 17-year-old daughter's attempted kidnappers, cops say.   MINDING YOUR BUSINESS ESPN to lay off 100 employees after Thanksgiving: Report. GE's big board likely to get smaller. How 1-year Trump rally stacks up against other presidents.   NEW IN FOX NEWS OPINION Veterans Day: We honor the 20 million veterans with us today and the millions more in our past 'Antifa' jacket will go the way of puffy shirts and fidget spinners. Tom Shillue: Attacking 'toxic masculinity' won't stop sexual assault.   HOLLYWOOD SQUARED Magnum P.I. Higgins actor John Hillerman dies at 84. Star Wars will get another trilogy of movies, a TV show scheduled for 2019. Kathy Griffin faints during live show.   DID YOU HEAR ABOUT THIS? Mysterious object 13 times the size of Jupiter found. Cranberries grab Thanksgiving spotlight, especially in Wisconsin.  Doughnut shop robbery suspect gives victims consolation crullers.   STAY TUNED On Fox News: Fox & Friends, 6 a.m. ET: Sen. Pat Toomey explains what is in the Senate GOP's tax plan; "The Property Man" Bob Massi takes us inside the Building Homes for Heroes event; and don't miss our Veterans Day town hall panel! Tucker Carlson Tonight, 8 p.m. ET: We'll have new info on the investigation in the Las Vegas massacre. "Clinton Cash" author Peter Schweizer takes on the state of the Clintons after Donna Brazile's bombshell book revelations. On Fox Business: Mornings with Maria, 6 a.m. ET: Rep. Chris Collins, House Majority Leader Kevin McCarthy and Katherine Shappley, Facebook director of Small Business for North America will take on the latest in lawmakers' quest for tax reform and a breakdown of the differences between the House GOP and Senate Republicans' plans. Mark Penn, former 2008 Clinton presidential campaign strategist, takes on Donna Brazile's allegations in her new book. Varney & Co., 9 a.m. ET: IHOP President Darren Rebelez and Tax Foundation President Scott Hodge talk tax reform;  former NFL coach Sam Wyche reflects on being honored with a Rose Bowl Parade float. The Intelligence Report, 2 p.m. ET: Treasury Secretary Steve Mnuchin breaks down the state of tax reform and FCC Chairman Ajit Pai on how media ownership rules must adjust to the digital era.  On Fox News Radio: CHECK IT OUT  - Fox News Radio has launched the Fox News Rundown! This long-form podcast features insights from top newsmakers, along with reporters and contributors from across all Fox News Channel platforms. All episodes of this podcast can be found at: www.foxnewsrundown.com. Want it sent straight to your mobile device? Subscribe through Apple Podcasts, Google Play, and Stitcher.   #OnThisDay 1969: Sesame Street premieres on National Educational Television (later PBS). 1954:  The U.S. Marine Corps Memorial, depicting the raising of the American flag on Iwo Jima in 1945, is dedicated by President Dwight D. Eisenhower in Arlington, Virginia. 1775: U.S. Marines are organized under authority of the Continental Congress.   Thank you for joining us on Fox News First! Enjoy your Friday and weekend! We'll see you in your inbox first thing Monday morning. Unsubscribe | Contact Us ©2017 Fox News Network, LLC. All Rights Reserved. 1211 Avenue of the Americas, New York, NY, 10036. Privacy Policy.

[mildredbrignoni]

Try Living In Shoes Other Than Your Own

Why we Latinas - should care about the rhetoric in the media as we are portrayed.  While we are tired of watching negative comments continue to be paraded in the media from every news station, we should understand their spin in allowing their news stations to over exaggerate stories to either poke fun at, or help Trump supporters.  In Trump’s position, he knows it helps and cares about “spin” because he wants to keep his job.  Latina leaders - we need a call to action - we all need to be the voice that breaks the stigma and rise up/ speak up, just as our nations leader is doing!

As a nation, we were built on the belief that the melting pot was robust and prosperous. So long as you carried your rifle, and fed your workers, all would be ok. Well, when your workers suddenly became your leaders, everything started to shift.  The idea of civil rights threatened not only the status quo, it led to an intentional division in late 18 century between political parties noticing that poor angry white farmers were standing next to their black slaves as a fight for fairness.  Thus, the rally began by bringing in all caucasian people united against the rich black folks in the north.  That also had farmers in the south, despite that they weren’t rich, advocate to keep their only commodity - slavery.  So, what does that mean for our Latina leaders today in all industries here in the US? 

Most of us Latinas are passionate to a fault, strong, willful, and compassionate. We take on the challenges that most people believe we won’t ever be a threat in succeeding as their leader.  We not only stand up for the underdogs, we are nurturers, and believers of the greater good is our mission to carry. We are caring for those that we see need us, because we know that we can be the voice for those that cannot stand up for, or help themselves.  As Latinas, particularly in leadership roles and in media, we are strong, powerful, and scary to most men in power.  Now, the focus is shifting towards all women of color.  However, most of Latinas have had the burden of carrying a bigger stigma - sexiness.  Men in locker room talk suggest we should just stick to our bedroom habits and not get too carried away with problem solving.  But, we cannot change the fact that God also made us beautiful.

Not all of us Puerto Ricans have a Jennifer Lopez figure, nor do we dance and sing like her, but we do share one megaphone in common, - we are trailblazers that don’t back down.  We not only hold the fort down at home, bear children and cook a mean Arroz con Pollo, we are brave, humbled and demonstrate the ability to have multiple talents. I am both Guatemalan and Puerto Rican, which makes me a self proclaimed Guadarican. Well, as most men cannot fit me into a box, I get more questions asked of me about my career in film/ television, as a writer, fashion designer and social media marketer than any other of my colleagues that are white or black.  All that is true… I worked in all these disciplines and had some successes because I have had some great male leaders supporting my efforts and encouraged me. However, most men and, and some women, simply cannot believe that this (me) little curly haired Latina, has worked in all these capacities, and that can speak well of it. 

Latinas are overachievers, yet are told to wait our turn.  Also, it appears to men that it is impossible that we can spin circles around others. Well, it isn’t.  It scares conservative political leaders that a woman like Carmen Yulin Cruz – the mayor of San Juan Puerto Rico could defy the rhetoric offered of higher authority - President Donald Trump. Delivering the truth in her passion, and willingness to stand up while going against the opinion of popular views has cost her a negative image amongst the Republican establishment. She is not only walking through dirty water saving lives, she herself is living in a crisis. That is not a lie. Why should she or anyone else in her position be made to conform to the style of speech that forces her to assimilate to likings of Mr. Trump comforts?  When her island is no longer in a catastrophe, should she thank him politely and have mild manners all of the sudden? No.  

I know first hand that the island is not at all a good story, nor are they asking the world to do everything for them.  They simply cannot do it alone.  My cousin in Isabela Puerto Rico that serves as a Police Officer messaged me after 10 days of not knowing what became of my entire family.  Oscar said they were all fine minus the lack of water and electricity. He told me first that Puerto Rico was nothing short of a Catastrophe.  

Our government has put Puerto Rico on the side lines of help because of a fiscal issue.  Meanwhile, the Mayor - Carmen Yulin Cruz is seeking to share the truth that her island of Puerto Rico is in utter despair.  With no running water, no electricity, and no fresh vegetation, the lack of communication and all of the entire island’s infrastructures has all collapsed, how is she supposed to respond to the Presidents’ demonizing her? What that means for us Latinas in the US is that we cannot allow that to continue by speaking up every time we are shut down publicly.  So here I am.  Donald Trump- my people of Puerto Rico are suffering and only your golf courses on land you purchased for a tax break back in 1994 is your biggest concern.  

We Latinas work to help inspire and lead teams because we care more about people more than ourselves.  Puerto Ricans are loving, thoughtful, loyal women that want to give of themselves. Jennifer Lopez and Carmen Y. Cruz have husspa!

Having been the product of a blue collar working family, (my dad worked for American Airline while mother RIP was a hair dresser ) I have had the luxury of traveling at a young age.  Along the path of my life, like many young Latinas (eg: Jennifer Lopez from the Bronx), I had the ability to see myself out of small beginnings growing up in suburban town of California. I am a product of the public school system, and would make myself upwardly mobile.  Along with my Puerto Rican values, I graduated from University Of California Berkeley.  This was a long time ago, and yet served me a long way to earning a position as a union Costume Designer in film and television shows. I am a member of the IATSE Local 892 Costume Designers Guild, a published writer for Foxnews.com, and a Social Media Strategist. While living bicoastal, between NYC and LA, I finally settled on NYC. I learned how to get up when times were tough. In 2008 during the housing market collapse I had crafted another career in the technology industry.  I was the 1 % female in a 99% dominated NY Tech meetup.  And, I was the only Latina in the technology industry as the VP of Marketing and Business Development at any advertising agency. At the time, I had a French male boss that nurtured my career while I helped in fortune 500 fashion businesses to partner with us as their agency of choice in the US. I had to eventually resign because I was brokering deals in French and my boss didn’t like it.  Later on, I would move into consulting and found that former clients would eventually be my biggest supporters.  

So why do I say that it has been so difficult to break the status quo in perception of the Latina leaders and in media? Because, like Mayor Carmen Yulin Cruz, we carry the burden of being outspoken and take chances in delivering a daring honesty of facts. Carmen was hired as the Mayor because she understood how to lead a robust touristic city of our US – San Juan of Puerto Rico.  She exposed the truth to the world about the lack of resources and challenging our commander in Chief by insisting she was in the business of saving lives, and now she was verbally and publicly punished for it. Since then, she has been asked to keep a low profile.  But she hasn’t.  

Are we Latinas expected to always surrender our opinions as leaders of large organizations and political parties simply because we are too passionate?  It could be that entertainers such as Jennifer Lopez are thought of as merely an attractive actress, therefore, that the conservative elite agree she be regulated to the visibility of their audience on their public platforms in this case, only to serve as a woman to shake her assets for world to enjoy!  Respectfully, ideas of strong Latinas in leadership roles that do not involve performance exposes this dichotomy.  It supports the problem that we Puertoriqueñas have, which is that so long as if we are attractive, and long as we are merely an object of desire for entertainment purposes, and not in direct authority of a larger political or fiscal opinion, we are not to be taken seriously.  Although she is no JLO, Carmen is a beautiful woman. Hence, the irony and the truth is that all women are beautiful and therefore, we should be treated with dignity and respectfully. I have worked across the country from Chicago, Atlanta, New York and LA. Not all Latinas see the world the same, but throughout my travels, I was always acutely aware that I am not always in the company of people that share my political views.  What is really important is that we at least recognize the contributions of Latinas around the world for their fearless efforts and acts of bravery to care for her communities.

The sad truth is that I have been a published writer for the right winged FoxNews.com unaware of the negative reaction I would receive. I delivered stories that were thought provoking. However, I only recently realized that my Latina voice was used to gain their Latino following by blending my liberal minded film articles with Latino viewership statistics.  My decision to write articles for FoxNews.com was because, at the time, they gave me the opportunity to write about a changing Latino landscape in Cinema. I covered stories about Transgenders and gay centric films in Latin America, Oscar and Emmy nominated Latinos in the media as well as Cuban stories. The direction that Fox News may have had was to strategize bringing in my stories to add more Latina/o eye balls on their website. At that time, I was offered a job and I didn’t see how spin eventually effected my story.  It inevitably trickled down to all of us drinking their Kool-Aid.  

[ferdinandelias9-blog]

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[litl-theinterview]

Stephanie Tran

1. What is your favorite thing right now? 

I'm slightly embarrassed that this isn't a deep answer. But right now my favorite thing is Noosa yogurt. I can't stop eating it to he point of buying bulk at Whole Foods (it's on sale)! 2. If money (and access) was no object, what would you buy today? 

So many things. Probably in order of priority: I would buy a brownstone, a beach house, and a wood-fired hot tub (maybe one for each place). I would also buy ceramics from BDDW, because Tyler Hays is a genius and it would make me really happy to be surrounded by his beautiful objects all of the time. I would also buy a first class plane ticket to see the Brancusi Atelier in Paris and visit the Museo Canova in Italy — not to see the sculpture here, but to see the architecture work of Scarpa. I would stay in the fanciest of hotels and order room service and drink bottles of the best champagne. 3. Have you ever gone on a pilgrimage? 

This question threw me, because no one ever asks it, and so I rarely think about it. But, yes. I have been on a real, religious pilgrimage. Every year growing up, my father tortured the family by dragging us to the Our Lady of Fatima Shrine in Lewiston, NY to celebrate Vietnamese Day. This always took place Labor Day weekend, when all I and my sister's wanted to do was run around with our friends doing American things like going to barbecues or the mall. Instead, we had to entertain tons of Vietnamese people who came from New York City where my dad lived (and who I would I later learn were my half-siblings and their mom's and extended family)...anyway, that's another story and I'm sure it subliminally had something to do with why I never enjoyed it. Also, I remember it always being really hot but having to wear our Sunday best, so that meant some kind of frilly dress, white ankle socks with lace, and patent leather maryjanes. Every year we got new rosaries, which I would proceed to throw away as soon as I got home. Clearly I just hated being forced to do anything against my own will...which is still true today. 4. What is your Kryptonite? 

That's a tough one for me to answer. I really do not know how to actually. 5. What is your favorite time of day? 

I am no longer a morning person, but I really try to be because my favorite time of day is usually the early mornings - 7am-ish - in the spring/summer/fall when I'm walking around, en route to work or the gym and it's still pretty quiet, and the air just smells really special. Dewy or crisp. But always sweet. It gives me those I <3 NY feelings all the time. 6. Do you have a go-to “power” song? 

When I think of a power song, I think of it in terms of running - what song really gets me started, what gets me moving, what gets me past the hump, and what song gets me through the finish line. That means there are 4. They translate into life power songs, too. Short Answer: 1. Planting Seeds - Built to Spill

I can listen to this song for a whole run. A whole 8-mile-run. I’ve done it many times. When I was at my fastest (which is still a jog to a lot of people), that meant a little over an hour. I am not sure how I came to this song or this band even - at some point I probably would have hated them before - his whiney voice - but for whatever reason when I found this song I immediately fell in love with it. I think it was during the end of a relationship. It felt right. And then I listened to it through that break up and the time it took to get over it - over and over, the only song on repeat for a while. I am sure it annoyed all of my friends, but it made me feel good, even though it made me feel sad. There is an endless sense of longing in it. I will never get sick of. It reminds me of a time, a bittersweet time, but when I am running, sometimes that is what I need. To get lost in that weird, sad feeling.

2. Rue the Day - The Walkmen

I had an unhealthy obsession with this band back in 2002. Ok, I still do. I love the whole album this song is on, but this song is particularly special. Listen to the lyrics. It's sexy. It's about teenagers and crushes and hooking up. Young love-ish. More longing. I am pretty sure he wrote it about his high school girlfriend that he broke up with and then got back together with years later. They are married and have kids now. I know this not because I know them, but because I witnessed it; I went to every show. So it's a sweet love song as much as it is sexy. And I am officially outing myself as a stalker.

3. Hybrid Moments - Misfits

I got into the Misfits when I was visiting someone who lived in a "skater house” and woke up in a haze from a nap and realized the same song that was playing had crept into my dream. It was a 9 minute song recorded onto a cassette over and over. Probably for the length of the tape. It was that long ago. Anyway, I kept thinking about it, but it just didn't hit me until a week later that I loved the song. My friend I was staying with didn't know what I was talking about because he wasn't there at the time. By process of elimination, he thought it was Misfits. I listened to EVERY SONG by them (that's a lot of songs), hoping I would find THE ONE. Of course in the end it was actually Danzig, not Misfits (the lead singer's solo effort), but these two songs (this one and the next) really stuck out while I was listening to the catalog. Glenn Danzig is a beast of a person, he looks scary, and he sings about creepy things; but his voice is so melodic and beautiful, and I guess I really like the contrast. Hybrid Moments usually comes on right when I need it - the height of the run when I am super warmed up and ready to go. It makes me feel like I am dancing at a punk show with all of my heart, and that feels good.

4. Last Caress - Misfits

This is one I am cautious of telling to anyone who doesn't love Misfits. The lyrics are macabre. In a time of hyper-sensitivity, I know they could be interpreted literally,  but I really don’t think they mean what they say, or anything for that matter. Hard to say. But the music and his voice in this particular song really gets me going. It would be my sprinting song. My fuck you, fuck you, and fuck YOU, I’m going to keep going song. I guess my ultimate power song, but I like having the warm up before. 7. What is your happy place? 

I have two and they are at opposite ends of the spectrum. Active/Inactive. The first is on a long run along the West Side Highway, all the way up towards the George Washington Bridge and back (to Brooklyn where I live). I haven't yet run across that bridge, but the other day I decided that it would be a goal for this summer. My second happy place is sitting in the sun, reading a book or a magazine. At the beach, upstate, wherever. Just melting into my chair. 8. If you could be someone else for a day, who would you be?

Lou, my little lap dog. What does she do and think all day? What she she feel when I'm away at work or on vacation without her? How does it feel to be so adorable and loved? What's her happy place? All of the questions you've ask here I would want to know of her! 9. What do you think you do best? 

I’m really good at getting people to open up about and explore their feelings. Selfishly it helps me understand my own! 10. What is something you do to cheer yourself up? 

I feel like I will always have a little bit of sadness in me — I've always been this way. And there is something comforting about being in your feelings when you are down; letting it sink in. That said, if I need cheering up, I’ll spend a whole month binge-watching something that makes me both happy and sad at once. Something nostalgic, relatable, comforting, aspirational. Usually about relationships and love. Gilmore Girls, Mad Men, Friday Night Lights. Love, Actually. I dive deep into the abyss of these shows (and one movie) and then I pick myself back up with some self-care in the form of massages, facials, and some form of exercise. YAWN. BARF. I know that "self-care" phrase is kind of overused and now everyone will think I am annoying, but...  11. What is the best advice you've ever been given?

This doesn't really count as advice given to me specifically, but a woman I consider a growing friend and have mad respect for (Karen Wong, the Deputy Director of New Museum) said at a panel when asked about how she presents herself, how she wants others to see her, "I don't really care about being liked. I just care about being respected."

I come back to this quote a lot. I think we can all interpret it in our own ways, and for me it's a reminder to live with integrity and in forward motion. I annoy myself by even saying that because it sounds so preachy and self-helpy. And isn't that how we should all live? But reminders are good because we don't live in a bubble and sometimes (READ: ALWAYS), life is hard.

12. Who would you like to see interviewed here? 

Fran Lebowitz. Totally serious. Please try.

Stephanie Tran is the co-founder of The New Jock, a site that explores fitness, sports, and athleticism.

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[diariesofaclosetsuicidal-blog]

Last Night

We met last night for the first time in about a year.  The last time we met, it was during Christmastime.  I remember because I asked if we could meet at Bryant Park, near the tree.  I took an earlier train so that I could sit by the ice skating rink, let the cold freeze my bones while watching the ice skaters, contemplating what I was doing there in the first place. Sitting underneath the black, freezing night air of New York City, I inhaled the sharp air and watched my exhales form tiny white clouds in front of my face.  

The ice skaters that night were hardly the most graceful.  Some kids, some adults...Some first dates (you can always tell) and some couples that had clearly been together for too long (you can always tell that, too).

And then there was me.

A boyfriend at home.  And a man on the way.  

It was so Sex & The City.  I seriously did have Aiden and Mr. Big. Except my Mr. Big was Mr. NYC and my Aiden was a metal-head, business-owner.  And not a soul knew.

And so, there I was. Sitting in the cold, contemplating the choices I was making, contemplating life.  And then there he was...Rising mysteriously through that cold dark night, making his way toward me innocently, but with alternative motives...a wolf hunting for his prey.

That was the last time I saw him; 2 years ago.  

Then it happened again last night.  

Not a lie, he kept in touch for the last year - and when I say keep in touch, I mean really kept in touch.  There was a brief 3 month break in between, but when he returned, he returned.  I was never surprised when my phone would buzz and it would be him...Every 2 weeks, almost like clockwork.  He’d send me funny pictures or a meme or something else related to the pitfalls of the current election or the economy.  He was always very smart and sophisticated in that way.  Mr. NYC: working a top finance job in NYC, living in a gorgeous high-rise in Brooklyn overlooking the Staten Island Bridge, and always knowing the best spots to go to.  He would always catch me by surprise with the places he took me to - there was so many gorgeous bars in NYC that I never EVER would have known about if it hadn’t been for my Mr. NYC.

And then, all of a sudden this week, I decided I needed to see him.  And this was no whim.  There was a lot of thought put into it.

I left work super early to get into the city.  I wasn’t supposed to leave 2 hours before my scheduled departure time, but my boss wasn’t around and, to be honest, I wanted to give in to my excitement.  So I lied and I left.

After arriving home, I got ready and put on a dress (dresses are hardly something I wear anymore so when I get to put them on, it’s a big deal), sprayed my hair, prayed that it wouldn’t rain, packed up a tiny purse with all of the essentials (my most essential makeup, IDs, earbuds, phone charger, bobby pins, mini bottle of hairspray, hair ties), sprayed on my favorite Chanel perfume, slid my pedicured toes into ballet flats, and excitedly, but nervously, locked the door of the apartment I share with my boyfriend behind me and left for the train.

I didn’t think that I would catch the earlier train, but just as my ticket dropped down from the automatic machine, the train pulled up. I boarded and stood the entire way, waiting to arrive in Grand Central, doing my best to divert my attention from people who stood staring at me.  The tiny, tan girl with the long red hair in the white floral dress, dark lipstick and perfect smile.

The anticipation of pulling into Grand Central is enough to kill anyone.  As the train slows to 5 miles an hour and drags through dark tunnel after dark tunnel, sometimes you wonder if you’ll ever see the light again.  Passing terminal after terminal, you wonder when you’ll stop.  The reception of your phone fails and all of a sudden it’s just you and the creaks of the braking train’s ebbs and flows.  Finally, we arrived.

Getting in early left me just enough time to pull myself together and listen to one last powerful song on my iPod to banish my nerves. My immediate path in Grand Central Station is to beeline to the ladies’ room by the ‘Chicken, Chicken, Chicken’ restaurant to collect myself.  Now, the ladies’ bathrooms at Grand Central Station are not the most glamorous, but there’s something about them - especially on a Friday or Saturday night - where girls from NY, NJ and CT all gather there to make their final clothing, hair and makeup adjustments before meeting their friends in the cavernous upstairs lobby or hopping the sweaty, humid subway to their hip hangouts and downtown bars and clubs.  For some reason, it always inspires me to see this happening.  Women getting ready for dates with their friends, or dates with their significant others.  Or just prettying themselves for another New York City night. Practicing their coy game faces, lining their lips, silently pep-talking themselves, promising they’ll get into a little bit of trouble tonight, to hold them over until the next big thrill.  

At least that’s what I tell myself.

I pucker my lips in the mirror - no reapplication necessary; my shade of lipstick is the perfect deep tone of neutral, setting off my light green eyes and faux tanned skin (which I tell everyone is real, of course)...My white dress with pink flowers pulls everything together. I wore pearls for me...but also because Mr. NYC is a classy guy.  And I know he’ll appreciate them.

After one last spray and toss of my hair, I’m off to meet him at the escalators off 45th street, just as we agreed via text message earlier that day.  It’s so strange that only 3 hours ago I was at work, I tell myself.  How time flies.

I stare out the window looking for his BMW and I feel my heart beating out of my chest; it feels as if it might explode. The dangerous excitement builds inside of me. What if I’m found out. What if someone I know is at the bar we go to. What if one thing leads to another and I’m home later than I ought to be.  Take another deep breath, I tell myself. I inhale my risky side and exhale my inhibitions.  I wave goodbye to them as I fog up the glass in front of me with my breath.  This is my night. 

As I’m waiting, I see him through the glass. In fact, he actually sees me first.  He’s found me like he always does.  And, to make the moment extra special, I happen to get a phone call at the same time from a random number. I quickly decline it and it takes me back to the picture of my boyfriend and I set on my homescreen.  I silently panic. 

He hugs me and picks me up and I inhale him again.

I should have prefaced all of this by saying that Mr. NYC’s personality is not the most attractive.  But his sense of danger, his suaveness and his charm together...well, it’s an unbeatable combination that drives me crazy.  For one night, I can be a different girl with him.

He sets me down and we exchange the typical, “it’s good to see you’s”.  He is carrying an umbrella because it is drizzling outside.  He thought to bring an umbrella.  This is one of the many wonderful things about him.

As we walk through the MetLife-Grand Central connection hall and head towards the exit, I notice how his voice echoes loud, yet nervously, as he ticks off all of the things that have changed.  His words bounce off the tiled walls like ping-pongs, repeating and repeating.  He’s nervous, I can tell. He always talks too much when he’s nervous. He always talks too much when he’s around me. He’s nervous around me.  I know this...And I use it to my advantage. I can work with this.

I use the first few moments of his awkward conversation to nervously fumble around with my phone, finding an appropriate picture to change my home and lock screen to. When it’s done, I finally relax.  I now show no signs of being attached. As far as the entirety of New York City is concerned, I am a single girl.

When we step out from the gleaming marble overhang of the MetLife building into the life of New York City, he pops the umbrella on cue and pulls my waist in close to him.  When I am sufficiently covered, he doesn’t move his hand. He pulls me close when anyone gets too near our umbrella...or makes eye contact with me.  We cross the street to his BMW, which he says is ‘old’...but it’s a model from 3 years ago and it’s in stellar condition. He walks me to the passenger side and opens the door for me, carefully balancing the umbrella so as not to expose any of me to rain. He meticulously checks if I’m in completely and then closes the door and folds the umbrella up.  Did I mention Mr. NYC is hella charming. 

Money is no object to Mr. NYC.  He spares no expense. He comes from money, he makes good money, and he’s not afraid to spend his money. I get nervous around him, but I never show it.  We are from different planets, he and I.  Sometimes I wonder, with all the gorgeous women in NYC he could have, why he chooses me.  And then I remember, the girl that I am when I’m with him doesn’t think that way.  The girl that I am with him, could also have anyone she wants.  She’s intimidating.  And I jump right back into the conversation.

He puts his hands on me during the car ride. My white cotton dress is short and leaves my tanned-thighs bare.  He takes that as an invitation to set down his sweaty palm on top, his fingers lightly grazing my inner thighs...Though we haven’t seen each other in a year, he picks right back up where we left off.

He tells me I look tan. I say that I was spending time in the sun at my mom’s lake house in Connecticut.  This is not a complete lie - I was there....2 weeks ago. But I tell him I got back 2 days ago.  I don’t tell him I’m obsessed with self-tanning or having my hair done...especially for dates that I’m not supposed to be on.  But I look perfect. The way every girl wants to look when she’s with someone she likes...but doesn’t want to let on that she likes.

I play the part perfectly, I have to say.  And maybe it’s because I’ve done it for the last 2 years with him.  We have had a tumultuous time being together the first time, he and I. We’ve done too much of things we shouldn’t have...and not enough of the things we should’ve. One day I’ll tell the story of how we met and the promises he made to me that night 2 years ago.  I still wonder if they’ll come true. Life has a funny way of working out, you know.

But I digress.

He says he has a mission tonight.  The sun starts to peek through the rainy clouds and creeps up past his dashboard covering us in rays of gold.  For some reason, I fall into it’s direct line. It drenches my face and the bright light fills my eyes, so much so that the light green turns to yellow. I use it as an opportunity to hold his gaze, burning my light eyes into his deep dark ones, hoping to knock him off guard. It works.  He doesn’t notice that the traffic light has turned green until the cabbies break the silence, beeping behind us, impatient and frustrating.  Begrudgingly, he tears his gaze from mine, hands back on the wheel and proceeds to turn right.  He tells me that he’s made a reservation at one of his favorite bars, and that, our mission, should we choose to accept it, is to get the ingredients and the recipe to one of his favorite cocktails at one of his favorite underground bars in the city.

He made a reservation. At a bar. In the City. Only Mr. NYC. I am impressed.

Alright then, I say. I’m game.

We park a few blocks away from the restaurant, but we don’t hold hands as we walk.  I am happy about this...Too much hand holding and I feel clingy. That’s not who I want to be tonight.  We walk in, early for our reservation, so they seat us downstairs at a small table, instead of at the bar like he requested. Mr. NYC doesn’t give in so easily; a perfectionist in all ways. He said he requested the bar and the bartenders assure us a spot will open soon...I put my hand on his; “This is good for now”, I say.  

He tells me they’ll make me whatever I want.  But I still order something from the menu. I notice how many times he apologizes.  Almost like me in real life...I’m one of those people who says ‘sorry’ after every utterance.  But not here, not in this fantasy.  I’m not who I normally am, so I am the one that gets to say ‘why are you sorry? You don’t need to apologize’ and look at him reassuringly.  He’s nervous. This role was made for me.

We catch up. I am at my same retail job, still teaching workout classes but I’ve started a new business, all of which I glaze over and climactically claim ‘I’m happy’. He likes to know what’s going on with me. I am uncomfortable sharing what’s happening with me...Remember when I said we are from too different worlds? Mr NYC would never date a girl that works in retail. So, I focus less on the retail position (which works out because honestly I can’t stand it), and concentrate on my business. I don’t hold back about my failures, I am open, honest and forthcoming about everything I’ve learned. He is leaning in. 

As for him, he was let go from his position last year with a healthy severance package, but being in finance, it didn’t take him long to land on his feet. He is happy were he is now.  The location of his office is easier commuting-wise and he ‘is enjoying taking the lead at work and helping other people do their jobs because he can handle it better than they can’...Mr NYC, always so humble.

At this point, the first round of drinks have been delicately sipped and are about halfway gone and two spots at the bar have just opened up.  We take a seat.  Now he’s got me where he wants me.

“It’s really good to see you again”, he tells me.  “You look incredible, you look more gorgeous than you did the last time I saw you.”

I say ‘no’, being modest.  He says ‘yes’.  “You have everything going for you - you’re the closest thing to the total package I’ve ever seen”.

He picks up his drink, and pauses just before it hits his lips: “Did I see you were back with your ex for a bit last year?” He takes a dramatic sip and keeps eye contact.

I am a pathological liar.  It’s a terrible habit.  But for some reason, I like to embellish.  I like to make things sound more intriguing, mysterious, more...enigmatic than they are. So I let my mouth answer before my brain - or my heart - kick in: yes, but ‘we’re not so much anymore’.  

‘We’re not so much anymore’

Even I don’t know what that means.  I put way too many adverbs together and somehow made a mystifying but altogether too clear statement. But i suppose that was the point - no clarity, no explanation and complete and total wordplay.  It was perfect.

Apparently, it meant something to him. He pulled me in for a hug, then placed his hands delicately under my chin, lifted my face to his and pulled me in for what I knew promised to be the first kiss of the night. I let him do it. 

When our faces broke apart, I looked at him shyly and with a tiny, coy smile on my face. A look I have perfected in the mirror.  A look that also seems so naturally initiated. Pure poison.

He starts talking about something else, politics, sports or some other bullshit that I stop listening to about halfway through.  I always glaze over when he gets nervous. He talks incessentaly about things, events, other stuff that I just don’t care about. He also cuts me off mid-sentence every time I try to get a word in edgewise and drives me nuts that he clearly can’t see that I’m not interested in the conversation until about 20 minutes after he’s launched into it.  And while it takes him that long to notice, he always notices when I’m bored.

He puts both arms around me and pulls me close.  ‘So tell me what else is new with you’.

I tell him not much other than what I already talked about. I tell him about my sisters and he says that they probably look up to me a lot. I say that I hope they do, I just want to be a good person.  He assures me I am...He says he loves that about me. And he kisses me again.

I am finished with my second drink.  Had they not brought over chips and dip, I would be feeling way more woozy than I am right now. I am drunk on $20 cocktails, in a dimly lit bar and I am with a guy that is super into me and I look gorgeous. This is my element.

‘I was really happy when you agreed to come back and meet me’.  I assured him that I felt the same.

Our conversation took a turn. He said that he had been hanging out with exes, too. But that they all drove him crazy, especially the teachers.  Well, I understand, I said: teachers deal with kids all day. They are crazy. 

“Well, it must rub off then, because the teachers that I’ve dated have all been nuts...

That’s why every time I was on a date with them, I was thinking about you.  You’re so different.  Every time I go out on a date, I am thinking about you.  Even my friends ask me why I’m not with you.”

It occurs to me at this point that I probably should have asked “then why aren’t you with me?”.  But I was too drunk and it felt too good to have my ego stroked.  I also didn’t want to give in that easily - I didn’t want him to know that I wanted it. I mean, honestly, could I really seriously date Mr. NYC?  Up until now, he had been a fling.  But we were teeter-tottering on the edge of a serious conversation.  Not that we hadn’t been there before...

“And then I started thinking about it.  You’re the closest thing to a total package I’ve ever known.  You’re beautiful, you’re smart, you work hard. How is that you’re still single?!”

“I don’t put myself out there a lot”, I say.  It’s true.  But mostly it’s because I currently am in a committed relationship...of course, I don’t say that part aloud.  “I just am busy focusing on the things that I want to accomplish.”

At this point, he pulls me in for another kiss.  

I shyly smile back at him as he stares at me...

“What?!”, I laugh shyly at him.

“That’s just the most amazing thing I’ve heard anyone say.”

We continue to chat.  And 10 minutes later, he orders his third drink.  He continues to kiss me.  I break away.  

And you just realized this after 2 years. 

I have only come to realize this over the last 6 months. I haven’t been able to get you out of my head. I am always thinking about you and you’ve been here all along.”

“I have”, I say, shrugging my shoulders. 

“Why do you think that I keep sending messages to you? You think I’d really keep sending you all those texts if I wasn’t thinking about you all the time.”

I looked down at my drink.  This was all pretend.  Mr NYC was also a really good actor and I didn’t think I could take him at his word.  But then he surprised me.

“I’d really like to do this the right way. I want to know the next time I can see you. I want to come visit you where you live. I want to talk to you every day.”

“And you’re not saying all this because you’re drunk?” “I’m not drunk.”

Prove it. 

How.

Tell me one thing you’ve never told me before.  About you.

He put his arms around me.

“I am intimidated by beautiful women.  Up until recently, I’ve had a lot of self confidence issues to work out.

And one more thing.  One of the first times you hung out with me, you asked me if you weren’t just another notch in my belt. That really got to me. Just so you know, you were NEVER a notch in my belt. You are so much more than that to me. You always have been.”

I decided to ignore the last sentiment he shared. “But why would you be intimidated. Why don’t you just be yourself.  You should be who you are no matter what. I don’t like people for what’s on the outside, I like people for who they are on the inside.”

If you say one more beautiful thing, I might just propose to you right now. I look at him.

And then he kissed me again.

Then he swiveled my bar stool towards him, so my knees were between his thighs.

“I really want to give this a try”, he said again. “I want to come see you and I want to talk to you everyday.

Sorry if this is all moving too fast or coming out all at once. I just had to tell you.”

He mouths to me silently “I love you.” 

I wouldn’t have believed it if I didn’t see it.

“It’s okay...I understand.  And just so you know the feeling is mutual.  And at that point, it was.”

He paused, staring at me, “You’re just so cute right now.”

He pulled me close to kiss him again. And when I pulled away, I gave him the classic shy smile.

Another drink in and he sets off on his mission. He needs the ingredients and the mixing instructions for his drink for next weekend.  There’s a party at his parents house and he wants to mix this particular drink for his friends.

“You’re invited by the way”

“To where?”

“The party”

“I don’t think I could.  I’ve never been to the Hamptons.  I wouldn’t fit in.”

He looks at me “Well, if you change your mind let me know”.  See, he knows I wouldn’t fit in.  He can’t deny it.

I drop the subject and move onto something else.  Later on, I tell him I want to stretch my legs. We bid goodbye to the bartenders, who so lovingly mixed our drinks and allowed him to accomplish his one mission for the evening.  And we set out into the breezy, humid New York night.

We spent the rest of the evening walking around Greenwich Village, holding hands.  Actually, it was less holding hands and more of him seeming like he didn’t want to let my hand go. And if he wasn’t holding my hand, he was holding my waist.  Arms around each other, like we had been doing this forever.

We walk all over the city.  We play a round of silly zombie video games.  And then we circle back to his car. He doesn’t stop holding my hand until he’s opening the passenger side door for me to climb inside.  His chivalry is like a dagger through my heart as my mind wanders back to my real life...my boyfriend, sleeping soundly in our apartment.  He wouldn’t do this for me.  No no.

We’re both tired and I need to catch the train home.  In the past, with him, I’ve been too shy to yawn. Now, I do so openly.  He asks me where he should take me.

To Grand Central Station, of course.

He stares at me for a moment.  I can feel his disappointment.

So I suggestively and out-rightly ask him if there’s another place he would suggest.  On the inside, my dangerous side is telling me to be open to all possibilities.  He says he just wants me to get home as quickly as possible and as safely as possible.

It feels like a dig.  I joke “as long as I get away from you as quickly as possible, right?”

He looks at me “that’s not what I said.”  

I can’t tell if that was the wrong thing or the right thing to say.  There’s a history we have about spending the night together. Another story for another time.

The 15 minute car ride to Grand Central is spent talking about his friends and his stocks.  He grabs onto my hand halfway through and interlaces my fingers through mine.  I loosen my grip and he only tightens his.  I am watching the clock; I am 5 minutes away from missing my train.  I consider that I wouldn’t mind spending an extra 40 minutes in Grand Central Station.  Another 40 minutes to explore the city on my own.  And to think about Mr. NYC and if he really plans to change this time.  And what would happen if I called things off with my metal man and went to join Mr. NYC for a life in the city instead...

We arrive.  It’s the end of the night. But he doesn’t just drop me off in front of Grand Central. He illegally parks on the side of the road, puts on his hazards and proceeds to walk me all the way to Gate 21, the terminal from which my train is departing. Not only does he walk me to the gate, he walks me all the way down to the train tracks and puts me on the train, with one foot on, as if he is still deciding if he should come with me or not.

I look up at him again and give him that green-stare gaze.  His hands are back on my face and he kisses me deeply right there in the middle of the train car, in front of everyone. Mr NYC never cares who’s watching...almost to a fault.  He steps back and we trade ‘thank you’s’ for a wonderful evening.  He tells me to text him when I’m home safe and not to forget.  He begins to back away...but before he does, he takes 3 steps forward and kisses me one more time, like he may never see me again...

As the doors shut in front of us and the train pulls away from the platform, I still haven’t decided if he will.