#how to find forever
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spacestationvampire · 6 months ago
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preoccupied
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kkoct-ik · 7 months ago
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yttdisms now im moved in
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awhoreintheory · 22 days ago
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Circus Boy
Directly inspired by @erinwantstowrite 's art!!! post
Request from awesome amazing cool Anon
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Over the years, circuses have lost their spark.
Dick would know— he’d literally grown up in one. Back then, the circus was a symphony of effort and artistry. Weeks, sometimes months, were spent perfecting routines. Performances were designed to dazzle, to inspire awe, no matter the country or culture of the audience. The comedy sketches weren’t just filler— they were genuinely funny, capable of drawing laughter even from the most reluctant parent dragged along by an excited child. Every act had a rhythm, a purpose, and above all, passion. The performers took pride in their craft, and the audience responded in kind, feeding off the energy, cheering and clapping until their hands were raw and their throats sore. 
Now? Now they were dull. Predictable routines recycled ad nauseam. Costumes that looked like they were bought in bulk from a clearance rack. Tents and stages slapped together with the barest effort to resemble grandeur. The magic, the joy—the soul of it all—had been replaced with a singular, glaring goal: profit. No one cared if the audience laughed, gasped, or even paid attention, so long as they paid their entrance fees.
But recently, whispers of something different had started making waves in Gotham: a circus gaining a reputation for being... well, different.
Dick’s curiosity was piqued. He hadn’t planned to go, at first. But the memories of his youth, of what the circus used to mean, stirred within him. Before he knew it, he’d wrangled (read: blackmailed) together as much of the family as he could to go see it. Which, wasn’t a whole lot considering quite a few were out of state currently, but it was enough to make him smile.
“Why must I come along? I do not see the point,” Damian groused, arms folded tightly across his chest as the group approached the circus grounds. Despite his protests, he made no move to make a stealthy exit.
“You’re coming because it’ll be good for you,” Dick said, ruffling Damian’s hair just to annoy him. Damian promptly swatted his hand away, glaring daggers at his adoptive brother.
“You don’t even know if it’ll be good,” Tim chimed in, hands shoved into his jacket pockets. “What if this thing is as boring as all the other ones you’ve complained about?”
“Then we’ll all get funnel cake and call it a night,” Stephanie said brightly, making it clear where her true excitement lay. “I’m in it for the food, anyway.”
Dick pouted. “You didn’t have to say the quiet part out loud!” 
“Don’t underestimate funnel cake,” Duke added with a smirk. “It might be the only thing saving this trip if the show’s a flop.”
Dick rolled his eyes, but his grin didn’t waver. “You’re all so cynical. Just... trust me, okay? I have a feeling about this one.”
Sure, a lot of the decorations seemed cheap thus far, but Dick can’t blame them. They’re clearly low budget, with only two shows a week, versus the seven to ten a week Dick was used to. The difference was the genuine passion and excitement in the eyes of the performers. And they were just doing pre-show stunts on the street to rouse excitement! 
Tim hummed thoughtfully. “This place has been gaining rapid popularity,” he said, the subtle edge in his tone making it clear he was already analyzing every detail. Dick saw his fingers twitch as if to take a picture. 
Dick glanced over at him but didn’t comment. He recognized that tone— Tim was in detective mode, quietly piecing together threads no one else could see yet. He did, however, take the opportunity at his siblings' distraction to subtly herd them in the direction of the tents, eager to get a good front-row seat. Damian noticed, but he didn’t do much more than roll his eyes.
Steph, however, rolled her eyes dramatically. At Tim, not Dick. “Can you just enjoy one thing without looking for a criminal conspiracy, Tim?”
Tim matched her with a roll of his own eyes, the two slipping into a bickering match that’d put an old married couple to shame if they weren’t so aggressively gay. Meanwhile, Dick let his attention wander to the stage, studying the equipment with the practiced eye of someone who’d lived this life.
Suspended high above was the trapeze rig, its bars wrapped in worn leather, the steel cables taut and secured to thick iron frames. The safety net below, while a little faded, looked sturdy enough to do its job. Not brand-new, but serviceable.
To one side, a highwire stretched across a dizzying height, its slim cable shimmering faintly under the tent lights. The rigging showed some signs of age— slightly dulled bolts and scuffed counterweights—but nothing that made Dick worry. It would hold, even if the daredevil walking it would need nerves of steel.
A teeterboard sat center stage on the ground, its spring mechanism ready to launch performers into flips and vaults. Nearby, a stack of brightly painted crates and barrels hinted at comedic skits. Clowns would probably tumble over them with exaggerated flair, while a sturdy seesaw-like prop suggested slapstick gags involving plenty of unintentional (and intentional) falls.
The whole setup had a charming scrappiness to it. The equipment could use a little TLC, sure, but Dick had no doubt it would hold up under pressure. He could tell the performers had put their trust in it, and that meant something.
For a moment, Dick felt a flicker of nostalgia. The way the crew moved, the crisp efficiency with which they handled the gear— it reminded him of home, of the way his parents had always treated the stage with reverence, as though it were sacred ground.
“Do you see how high that wire is?” Duke muttered, his voice tinged with a mix of awe and apprehension as he followed Dick’s gaze.
“I see it,” Dick replied softly, his heart tightening. He couldn’t help but wonder who had the guts to walk that cable, let alone pull off any stunts on it. He’d definitely have to stick around and chat them up, maybe have a little friendly competition. 
“Awe, man,” Duke sighed, visibly disappointed. “Guess we weren’t excited enough.”
Turns out “early” wasn’t early enough because the seating area was packed. The whole first three rows were aggressively claimed, forcing the group to settle for seats in the middle of the fourth row.
Steph and Duke promptly excused themselves to grab popcorn—or, more accurately, for Steph to scout for funnel cake. Dick had to respect the consistency.
Damian glanced at Dick, then at Tim with a withering look. “Drake, cease your ramblings. They sour my mood.”
Tim blinked, clearly taken aback. “Wait, just me? Steph was talking way more!”
Steph, who had been halfway out of earshot, whirled around with mock offense. “Excuse me? I wasn’t the one turning this into an episode of ‘True Crime: Circus Edition.’” 
“Yeah, because you’re too busy planning how to steal funnel cake from children,” Tim shot back, crossing his arms. Damian’s eyebrow twitched. Dick wondered why peace was but a mere illusion. 
“Oh, please,” Steph quipped. “You’d be the kid I steal it from, Drake.”
Before Tim could come up with a retort, and Damian became a convicted felon, the lights dimmed, cutting their bickering short. A hush fell over the crowd as the familiar low hum of a drumroll began to build.
The ringmaster strode into the center of the stage, clad in a dazzling coat of crimson and gold that shimmered under the spotlight. If you looked any closer than that, you’d see how tacky and cheap it was. His booming voice carried effortlessly across the tent.
“Ladies and gentlemen! Boys and girls! Welcome to a night of wonder, daring, and delight!” the ringmaster announced, his voice ringing through the tent as the steady drumroll built the tension. “Prepare yourselves for the extraordinary, the astonishing, the absolutely unbelievable! The show begins... now!”
The drumroll reached its peak, and with a dramatic flourish, the spotlight swept upward to reveal the first performer perched high above the stage. A man in a sparkling gold costume waved grandly to the crowd before swinging onto the trapeze. The audience clapped politely as he performed a few rudimentary tricks— basic flips and graceful swings that showcased control but lacked flair.
Two more performers joined him, each clad in similar glittering costumes. They moved with confidence, transitioning through formations and passing between trapezes, but the moves were predictable and lacked the edge Dick was hoping to see. Certainly, nothing that would make this rinky-dink circus as popular as it got so quickly. 
Tim leaned toward Dick, his tone flat. “You dragged us here for this?”
“Underwhelming,” Damian muttered, his expression neutral but his tone sharp.
Dick didn’t respond immediately, though he couldn’t disagree. The tricks were technically fine— safe, practiced, polished— but there was no spark, no passion. No magic. He resigned to going home disappointed and also to the inevitable flaming via siblings. 
But then, just as one of the performers finished an awkward landing on the platform, the ringmaster’s voice boomed again.
“And now, prepare yourselves for the prodigy of the skies, the one and only Amazing Arach-Kid!”
The spotlight shifted upward again, revealing a much smaller figure poised on a separate platform, high above the others. It was a boy— young and wiry, dressed in sleek crimson and black, his face obscured by a half-mask (not dissimilar to their domino masks, actually) that glimmered faintly in the light. For a moment, the crowd was silent, uncertain what to expect.
Without warning, the boy leaped.
The gasp from the audience was audible as the kid— Arach-Kid?— launched himself into a dramatic triple flip, his body twisting gracefully through the air before he caught the trapeze with flawless precision. The crowd erupted into applause, the energy in the tent shifting instantly.
He didn’t stop there. Swinging with a force that sent his trapeze soaring higher than any of the others had dared, he released at the peak of his arc and spun into a double somersault. Instead of catching the next trapeze, he landed neatly in the arms of one of the adult performers, who looked genuinely startled by the boy’s precision. He grinned, waving excitedly at the audience as they roared with applause. 
From there, the routine transformed. Arach-Kid became the centerpiece of the act, seamlessly incorporating daring flips, twists, and transitions between trapezes. He was passed between the adults with perfect timing, their previous mediocrity eclipsed by his sheer skill and energy.
“Whoa,” Duke murmured, leaning forward in his seat. “He’s... good.”
“Who is that kid?” Tim asked, his voice tinged with disbelief.
“Better than the rest of them combined,” Damian said bluntly, though his tone carried the faintest hint of approval.
The boy ended his routine with a jaw-dropping quadruple somersault, catching the final trapeze one-handed and hanging upside down with effortless control. Gasps and cheers erupted from the audience, their applause thunderous as he let himself swing for a moment, letting the crowd bask in his daring. Then, with a fluid motion, he swung back, releasing the trapeze bar for one final flourish.
Dick leaned forward, his breath catching as the kid’s body twisted into the unmistakable maneuver— the signature move of the Flying Graysons.
The crowd roared as he executed the technique perfectly, his form flawless, his timing impeccable. He landed with a clean dismount, arms raised triumphantly, and offered the crowd a playful bow before darting off to the wings. Even with the stage empty, shouts and applause echoed for a long time after the boy left. 
For a moment, Dick couldn’t move. His stomach churned as memories of his parents on that same trapeze flooded his mind. No one else knew that move. No one could. His parents had created it, and Dick had learned it from them. It was their legacy— his legacy.
So how, in the name of all that made sense, did this random kid just pull it off perfectly?
The lights shifted again, smoothly transitioning to the next act: a somewhat clumsy but undeniably entertaining tightrope routine. One performer started with a wobbling walk, arms flailing for comedic effect. Another joined, balancing precariously with a broomstick for support. The final performer added a unicycle to the mix, pedaling shakily across the thin wire as the audience laughed and clapped in delight.
It was… objectively funny.
But Dick barely noticed. His good mood had evaporated, replaced by a heavy knot of unease in his chest. At this point, they must have a hive mind with how they immediately filed out of the tent without a single word exchanged. 
“That was—” Tim started, breaking the tense silence.
“Dick,” Steph interrupted, her voice low, “did he just—?”
“That was your move,” Tim finished firmly, his eyes locked on Dick’s.
“It’s not possible,” Duke added, glancing at the now-empty trapeze rig. “Right? It’s your family’s thing. There’s no way some random kid from Gotham knows it.”
“I am more concerned with how he knows it,” Damian said, his voice cutting. His eyes darted to Dick. “This is your domain, Richard. You must have answers.”
Dick didn’t respond right away. He couldn’t. His hands were clenched into fists at his sides, his breathing shallow. In disbelief, he muttered, “I don’t.”
Steph frowned. “Okay, well... what do we do? Do we just ignore the fact that some kid pulled off your impossible secret family move?”
“No,” Dick said sharply, his voice colder than any of them expected. “We don’t ignore it. We find out who he is, how he learned it, and what the hell is going on.”
Tim’s brow furrowed. “Do you think someone’s trying to get your attention? Like, deliberately?”
Dick shook his head, though his face betrayed his uncertainty. “I don’t know. Maybe. I mean, it’s... it’s possible, but...” He exhaled through his nose, frustrated. “I need answers. This isn’t something you just pick up on YouTube.”
The group left the small but packed circus, their earlier excitement replaced by a shared tension. The cool night air did little to clear their heads as they walked in a tight huddle, glancing over their shoulders as if the boy would materialize out of the crowd.
“Something’s not right,” Tim said, breaking the silence.
“Obviously,” Damian muttered.
“I mean it,” Tim snapped. “Moves like that— you don’t just do them. It takes years to learn without a teacher.” He glanced at Dick. “You’re sure no one outside your family knew it? Like, absolutely sure?”
“Positive,” Dick said firmly. “The only people who knew it are gone. Except me.” His voice dropped as he added, “Or at least, they’re supposed to be.”
The group exchanged uneasy looks, about both the situation and Dick’s reaction to it. It takes quite a bit to rattle him, so to see him, well, rattled was weird. Beyond weird. It was downright wrong. 
“Either way,” Duke said cautiously, “we’re going to figure this out. Right?”
“Oh, we will,” Dick said, his voice grim. “We don’t leave things like this unanswered.”
As they disappeared into the Gotham night, paranoia settled over them like a second skin. Whatever was going on, it wasn’t going to stay a mystery for long. 
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riddlerosehearts · 7 months ago
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i really need everyone but especially anyone who romanced gale with a bard tav to know about this interaction from early access that larian took from us
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poorly-drawn-mdzs · 10 months ago
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I'm a doctor, not a miracle worker.
[First] Prev <–-> Next
#poorly drawn mdzs#mdzs#wen ning#wei wuxian#wen qing#jiang cheng#Truly Massive disclaimer here: I am a Jiang Cheng enjoyer. I like his character. I enjoy that he is very flawed and volatile.#This episode of the audio drama has a lot of great breakdown scenes featuring JC - and they all deserve a feature.#But underlying this comic is a small meta comment of 'ah man I have too many comics of JC just wailing sadly'#My goal is to draw 6-8 comics per episode - I sometimes have to truncate and cut good scenes out.#Especially when a large majority is just different flavours of trauma and toxic relationships to your self-worth.#I would also like to make a note here that just because you lose the ability to do something that is very tied to your core identity-#-does not mean your life is over. It will feel like the end of the world. It will send you into a spiral of grief. It will hurt so badly.#Sometimes we do not realize how tied up our identities can be in certain things until we are cut loose.#You don't lose yourself. I promise the pain will fade in time. I promise you will find other things to tether you. I promise you will be ok#Life moves forwards. Time moves forwards. You move forwards.#Ego death just means an opportunity for ego rebirth. You are never committed to being the same person forever.#To wrap this around to JC: Yeah I love the twist with the core transfer but man I would have loved to see JC accept the loss.#Obviously it happens for a reason (story) but I can have my AUs. I can have these 'what-ifs'.#described in alt text#I'm trying it out! *please* give me feedback - I want to eventually Add image ID to all of these comics one day
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teaboot · 3 months ago
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you're so like. inspiring. or i wish i could be inspired. you reblog that post with the blue critter and you're like "im glad i was born on this planet". how do i manage to get that mindset. how do i manage to not want the pain to stop at any cost and enjoy what's still possible to enjoy
It's my first time here and I'm never coming back
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starry-bi-sky · 5 months ago
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do yall ever think about bruce/batman!clone danny standing in front of his bathroom mirror after finding out he was a clone and silently tracing his face. The slope of his jaw and point of his chin. The high angle of his cheekbones and the shape of his eyes, the curve of his brow bones and the shape of his nose. The volume of his hair and the way it curls and gets fluffy when it gets too long.
His hair is black the same way a crow's wing is black. His dad's hair is black the same way a black bear's fur is black. His dad's eyes are blue like the ocean is blue. Danny's eyes are blue the same way a glacier is blue.
His dad has a square jaw and straight flat hair, and he tans and gets a face full of freckles when he's out in the sun for too long. Danny burns like a lobster and his face remains untouched. Danny has a sharp jaw and tall cheekbones, and Sam says when he's not smiling there's almost something regal about him. You would never call Jack Fenton "regal" when he's not smiling.
Sam says when he's not smiling he looks scary the same way a stone statue is. Jack Fenton when he's not smiling looks scary the same way that german shepherd staring at you across the street is.
Do you ever think he grew up wondering if he was adopted. Because of course, he has black hair and blue eyes like his dad. But having the same color doesn't make you someone's child.
Or, worse, things he's heard from the other kids and the other parents and even some of his teachers growing up; that he was the product of an affair. And that his dad was just too stupid to notice. And Danny would defend his parents until the day he died, because Jack Fenton wasn't an idiot and Maddie Fenton wasn't a cheater.
But doubt comes in with fickle tongue. his parents swear up and down that he is their child when he asks about either. That Danny just had his grandparents' features, but he was their son and they loved him.
But Danny doesn't look like either of his parents. His mom's eyes are blue like an aquamarine and Jazz's too. And they burn like lobsters in the sun too, but Jazz gets freckles on her face and so does Maddie. And as Danny grows up he doesn't bulk up or get stocky like his dad did, and when he hits puberty he doesn't shoot up like a tree like Jack Fenton did.
He stays small, and they say he's a late bloomer (and he is), or that he just has his mom's height. But he's fast and has good stamina, and some days it feels like he's built entirely different from his family. That the things they went through growing up just didn't apply to him. Jack and Maddie Fenton both had acne and breakouts when they hit puberty, and Jazz inherits it and he's seen the amount of skincare products she keeps on her side of the bathroom.
And then he hits puberty and breaks out maybe once or twice, but his skin stays clear for the most part and the problems and changes his dad went through just don't happen to him.
And the truth is worse than all of the lies.
How horrifying.
#dpxdc#danny fenton is not the ghost king#dp x dc#dp x dc crossover#dpxdc crossover#dpdc#danny fenton is a clone#clone danny fenton#clone danny#thinking about the inherent trauma that comes with growing up as a clone and not knowing and questioning everything about yourself#thinking about the amount of effort and lying that Jack and Maddie would've had to to do if they wanted to pass Danny off as their bio son#the MEDICAL RECORDS#danny's medical history is completely different from theirs. any generational health problems the waynes have would/could be passed down to#danny and he's completely oblivious to it up until the reveal. he'd have no idea about any medical risks until they hit him before that.#so many little things and inconsistencies that would just build and build and build until it finally came to a head and the truth came out#forever and ever and ever fascinated by the underlying horror of being a clone. there's a horror in being cloned but there's also a horror#in BEING a clone. like yes he could've always known from the start and that comes with its own set of issues BUT. just. him not knowing#for the longest time. the lies and deceit and betrayal. you know how adopted kids come out and talk about how they didn't know they were#adopted for the longest time and how traumatizing and betrayed they felt when they're finally told 15-20 years down the line? yeah that#i imagine finding out you're a clone is a lot like that.#i read a book in middle school once abt a girl moving to a new town with her family and getting these horrible nightmares and noticing how#everyone was acting strange around her. one of her nightmares was about the 30yo police officer being a shambling corpse talking to her#and at the end of the book she finds out she's actually the clone of a dead older sister and the police officer was her sister's boyfriend.#and she was in gymnastics but quit and her parents were so disappointed bc the og sister was a champion/award winning gymnastics player#and i never did finish the book but god am i reminded of that.#i love reading the dpxdc clone danny posts and they usually have him brush off being a clone which is literally totally fine but duUUDE#just imagine his own horror over it. its SOOO good
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kevindavidday · 5 months ago
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okay but jean having a breakdown post tsc 2 interview and all three of his love interests rushing to him to console him in various ways and it overwhelms him so much he ends up leaving them behind to sit next to neil instead
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eobsinj · 6 months ago
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✨ max verstappen - saudi arabia 2021 ( twt | ig | fb )
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mobius-m-mobius · 1 year ago
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Happy Birthday Owen Wilson! ♡ (November 18th, 1968)
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hinamie · 7 months ago
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for @cherryys who (rightfully!) hcs lategame megumi as having a bunch of scars befitting his status as resident punching bag
#my art#jujutsu kaisen#jjk#megumi fushiguro#fushiguro megumi#fanart#jjk fanart#megumi#guess who hasnt slept its meeeeee#finding refs fr this took forEVER#mostly bc all the pinterest boys are too gd beefy to use as megu ref#but even once i found good refs i am so used 2 drawing beef!!! so used 2 shirtless torsos tht look like yuuji's!!!!#had to keep Undefining my lines n slimming him down#n then he didnt look toned enough!!!!!!!!#constant too hot/too cold . endless suffering .#bangs head on desk all i know to draw is BEEF and this boy is 100% sinew........#but we got there . th render helped a LOT#but then right back 2 suffering bc i asked sam fr Scar Recs n they had th idea 2 give him a lightning scar from when he was taming nue#and i was like omg ya!!!! (voice of some1 who did Not know what lightning scars look like)#so to say i looked them up and uh . new least favourite thing 2 draw just dropped :)#th more accurate i tried to be the more it looked like a weird artsy tattoo#n that scar wasnt even part of what cherryys mentioned they envisioned !!! optional hurdle !!!!!!! i torture myself but fr naught!!!!#th scars tht they mentioned are the glass eye/eye scar from th sukuna/gojo fight + burns up the jaw + abdomen stab wound a la toji#everything else is just visual flavour#sighs at least i got some good shameless torso practice out of this#once i got 2 painting i took my sweet time with him and i am happy now . sleep deprived but happy <3#one of my megumi mutuals(tm) says jump i say how high
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rainbow-sunshine-unicorn · 6 months ago
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Deeply obsessed with how Anthony Bridgerton will do anything and everything for the vibes, the ambience and to set the mood for his wife
Why did he lift Kate up halfway to the ceiling just to simply set her down on the desk? THE MOOD, THE AMBIENCE, THE VIBES
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Why did he scatter the papers after setting her down as opposed to clearing the desk beforehand? THE MOOD, THE AMBIENCE, THE VIBES
Because of course scattered papers are an essential aspect to heir-making on a desk!!!
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sad-leon · 1 year ago
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can i have feral leo #69
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Song 69: Abstract Nonsene by Trickle
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Song 14: Ready Now by Dodie
Feral Leo by @cupcakeslushie makes me feel many emotions. i wanna hold him gently like a feral cat <3
KoFi || Patreon
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kaisentine · 1 month ago
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IN WHICH; you and kaiser get into an argument over a stupid reason which leads into a hard launch after his match.
a/n: do NAWT speak to me about how unrealistic the last scenes are. i KNOWW how crazy fans can be and they’d probably be mauling/trampling you guys to death😭 also say no to telling me to put my ear to your mouth and listen what you have to say (kaz ref…) only to tell me this is ooc leave me alone pls. & not proofread lolz
cw: swearing, arguments -> making up, my writing
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“i could stay for tonight.”
it was sickening coming from your tongue because kaiser knew he didn’t want you only for tonight. he’s coming close to crushing you with how hard he’s squeezing your body like he never wants you to leave.
“just for tonight?” is a question he poses. the air around you two remains silent and it angers him—are you thinking about an answer? for there is no other answer than accepting defeat and staying in his arms, forever.
you try squirming around to wiggle your way out of his hold because it was getting warmer than you’d like it to be. “yes, micha. just for tonight.” you start whining at this point but he does not budge no matter how hard you try. he’s only growing more irritated by your response paired up with the nickname you call him to be affectionate.
affectionate his ass—you’re basically admitting you hate him. as much as he loves being seen as an enemy in others’ eyes, he hates when you perceive him in such a manner. “don’t call me micha.” hes huffing out and you can feel the vibrations in his chest
“okay mr. football prodigy.” your tease is muffled by his chest. in most situations, he’d take it as a compliment to feed his ego but he knows you’re deliberately trying to egg him on. and though he currently can’t see your face because of the position you guys are in, he swears he can feel your eyes rolling at him.
“i still have a life… and a job.” now it’s your turn to get fed up by his behavior. “am i not your life?” he’s sounding like you genuinely just offended his whole bloodline and hell, maybe even very distant ancestors. you want to say he’s joking but judging by experience, he most certainly isn’t.
one thing you understood when you first started dating him was that he would not give up his career for you and using the same logic, you didn’t have to either. now can some mind reader tell you why this is happening? why is he being so stubborn about this in particular? not like kaiser isn’t dramatic or stubborn most of the time but he’s never been this stubborn over a matter like this.
“michael that’s not… i just—i can’t just give everything up for you.” oh, now you’re calling him by his full first name? perhaps that wasn’t the best way to word it because you feel grip shifting to the back of your head to keep it in place, he does this because he doesn’t want you seeing his face. “why not?” he barks a lot quieter than he normally does.
“what do you mean by ‘why not’? this has been my life, even before i met you.” you try holding in the scoff that you were trying so hard to avoid but it’s obvious now.
as if it wasn’t already tense but it feels like it bloomed into a raging silence. you believe he’s thinking of an answer but in reality, he isn’t. he’s thinking about anything else other than him opening his mouth because only the heavens know what words would spew out of his mouth if he were to—imagine how worse he’d make this petty argument.
you hate this.
you hate silence.
you hate him being silent.
and you make the dumb decision to add salt to the injury—the one thing kaiser didn’t want to do. “do you actually want to argue about this? if so, i’m not staying at all.” there you go, saying things you don’t actually mean. “do you mean that?” oh he actually responded. you did try to choose your words carefully but your mouth moves faster than your thoughts.
“and if i did?” you’re lying through your teeth, but he takes the bait.
that was what unlocked his vile mouth that should be censored on television after losing a match. “you really are annoying, you know that? i hope you didn’t because i didn’t know that either when i started liking you. or were you just leading me on? i don’t care if you aren’t staying anymore. just fucking leave.” he’s lacing his words with cyanide.
he’s second guessing his thoughts of wanting you to stay forever if you were just going to be acting like that. his grip on you is finally loosening and it’s easier to slide right past his arms. you take the chance and peak at his face. it wasn’t the look you want to see on him normally but it is justified in this situation. he has a scowl on his face but he still looks so pretty like this. he’s looking at you too, albeit not with the admiration you’re doing.
it isn’t the best idea to stay silent and so you don’t.
“fine then.” you say while walking away from him to head towards the entrance and like expected, he doesn’t follow you. you take the bag from the front-door rack and slip on the shoes he gifted you.
you spare no time opening the door, not even glancing back when you shut the door as well. kaiser is the one looking, glaring at the back of your head before you disappear behind his door. after he knows you’re off completely, he goes over to lock it shut but also ends up smelling the slight scent of your perfume floating in the air.
looks like you won’t be staying tonight anymore. and now that this happened, will you ever? did he want you to?
this argument could have been so minor if both of you had just sucked it up.
were you still together? it didn’t end in clear closure, just him telling you to leave and you did.
did you still want this? did he still want this?
in all honesty, he just wants you. no matter what form, no matter what, he still wants to say he knows you. it didn’t have to be this way.
safe to say neither of you had good sleep that night.
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kaiser has many ways to express his aggression. be it words, physical contact (past), or what he’s doing right now—football. he hasn’t contacted you ever since that day and you haven’t either. makes him question what he still is to you.
why does he care? if you don’t want to talk to him, neither do you. if you hate him, he hates you.
however, whenever he does take his anger out of the field, he dominates it. effectively becoming the king of the field. from the get-go it was obvious bastard munchen would win the match against some other team they were playing against.
you could tell too, setting aside the fact you were sitting pretty far from the game. what made you want to watch the match even if you thought he was probably your ex already? you didn’t know. it’s like you just gravitate towards the stupid rat tails man, he’s an annoying magnet to you now.
and like everyone betted on, bastard munchen did win.
the team immediately celebrates by huddling together, slapping each-others hands, carrying each-other, and what not? you unconsciously smile at the scene, it was small, you could still feel it but you couldn’t help it.
kaiser is celebrating with his team, being somehow lifted on-top of ness’ shoulders (which he is really annoyed at and he’s wondering how the fuck he’s doing that, what is wrong with him?). he ultimately scored the last goal they needed to win. it wasn’t a surprise because when he plays, he wants to—needs to—win.
despite that, his teammates couldn’t help but realize his anger, leading to yoichi asking him a question that makes kaiser want to choke the black-haired man on the spot.
“the hell was that?” he asks (referring the stupidly impossible goal kaiser was able to score, but you know… he doesn’t believe anything is impossible.) “i have a question for you too, yoichi. what the hell is that kind of question?” he’s laughing out, still on ness’ shoulders. but he’s laughing so hard his whole body starts to shake, making ness stumble a little.
still, yoichi was able to tell something was off.
“uh… what’s gotten your panties in a twist?”
but before kaiser could answer that with going off on him, he’s being pulled into an interview.
what made that goal possible?
“it was never impossible.”
what do you feel after winning?
“as if we weren’t going to win.”
boring questions he didn’t want to answer but he was obligated to—for he was basically the star of the show, like always. that was until a certain question was asked that made him look around the stadium for the first time.
that was quite an impressive goal.
“of course.”
is there anyone you wanted to watch that shot?
he’s silent. he’s thinking of you as he gazes around the bleachers—embarrassingly thinking everyone has your face and accidentally making eye contact with crazy fans that go berserk when he does. the only reason he never looked before and during the match was because you wouldn’t be there.
what a desperate reason, right? row after row, he’s scanning every seat, even the ones that are empty and imagining you’re the one sitting in it. 3rd to the top row, he scanning and not expecting to see you.
the fuck? is that you?
is he looking at you? kaiser is looking in your direction and in the area you’re seated but you’re so high up you can’t tell and it’s very unlikely he is but he keeps staring. you’re awkwardly looking away and around your section to hide your face.
oh but he’s already gotten a look of the face he so desperately wanted to see and he’s not going to look away, nor will he stand in one place. like a lunatic who just escaped some mental hospital, he’s booking it from the interviewer who stands shocked.
oh ok... he totally saw you which defeats the total point of you sitting so far away, was he lying to you when he said his eyesight wasn’t the best? probably. anyway, that was your sign to also walk away.
screams of fans were deafening and you felt like your eardrums were going to burst anyway.
who cursed you? because it was such a coincidence that kaiser comes out the way you were going to exit. he didn’t count how many fans who were asking all sorts of things he ran past to get to you.
as soon as you saw his face, you tried playing it off cool and spun the other way to walk away but he was by no means dumb and he saw you do that. he clicked his tongue in annoyance.
it felt like when you ask your friends to chase you and they actually do and now you’re screaming your lungs out trying to outrun them. obviously it was futile because he was so much faster than you.
no words could explain how fucking loud the crowd was, first when he ran, second when he entered the spectator area, last (hopefully) when he hugged you tightly from behind, stopping you from running.
like that night, he was warmer than you’d like him to be. arms wrapped around your waist and his chin on your shoulder. “are you running away again?” he’s whispering into your ear and despite the crowd + the booming voices around you… ++ the paparazzi basically stomping on people to get a photo, he’s unbelievably close to your ear, you have no trouble in hearing him.
“kaiser.” you breathe out in the same shock the interviewer was probably in. “don’t call me that. answer my question.” he huffs—he hasn’t heard you call him that in for like… forever! (unless you count other arguments)
“should i want to run away?”
“i don’t want you to.”
the grip is getting tighter and it slightly stops you from breathing for a second. you don’t want to run away, you don’t hate him.
you were thinking the same as him, whether or whether not he still considered you his. but you know his ego is way too high for his own good so you do him a favor and ask him instead.
“are we still something?” you ask and it hurts him that you do—did you not think that anymore? his eye is twitching with uncertain emotions. “…tell me your answer first.” there’s hurt evident in his voice because he doesn’t want to jump into conclusions and hurt his ego even more than he already has fighting for his way to get to you.
“i don’t know, are we?” he’d flick your forehead with full power if he wasn’t trying to make up with you. it’s barely audible but you hear “i still want this.” a frown is on your face and he took it as a bad sign.
“i do too, micha.” you admit, he’s spiraling by how you say his name.
as much as he wants to say that he did want you to stay with him forever, that he didn’t want you to leave him, that he doesn’t actually find you annoying, that he loves you. he decides on doing only the second and last option because he’s kept himself, you, and the fans waiting far too long.
(you also wanted to say you didn’t mean it.)
he’s spinning you around to face him.
“don’t leave me, ever.”
he holds your hands in his, leaning forward to kiss you.
and though you guys still have so much to apologize, discuss, and everything in between… you both would rather leave that for a private matter. just stay in this moment, in his arms for now? if not forever.
oh and now you hoped this was the last time the crowd got as rowdy as it was.
GERMAN FOOTBALL PRODIGY; MICHAEL KAISER AND HIS SUPPOSED PARTNER MAKE IT PUBLIC! WHO IS THE LUCKY PERSON? EVERYTHING WE KNOW RIGHT NOW…
locknessmonster : bro wtf
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poorly-drawn-mdzs · 1 month ago
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Another year has passed, and with it the opportunity to reflect back on all that has happened. While my growth was not as dramatic as last year, I can still see lots of positive change.
I'll never have enough ways to say thank you for all the love and support you have given me this year. On to 2025!
(2023 summary here!)
#poorly drawn mdzs#art summary#Since last year's independent variable was PD-WWX; this year I used Lan Wangji.#Unfortunately his appearances were not very evenly distributed this year! Lots of LWJ's early in the year#then a dead period in the middle. He is forever my silly rabbit. I love drawing him!#If I have to put a label on this year; I'd describe it as 'experimental'. I pushed myself to do llots of new things!#I drew lots for dungeon meshi and that really boosted my growth. More body types -clothing details - expressions!#Ryoko Kui is a great artist to learn from and It made me realize that I had a lot to gain from doing more studies.#I also started working on a whole new genre of art! While it has taken a backburner spot - I'm working on a game now!#Digital art was my enemy last year but I have been getting a feel for it now.#Goals for this year is to 1) keep working on my personal projects 2) finish PD-MDZS! and 3) practice animation!#I didn't (couldn't) draw as much as I did last year...but I had to take a lesson in humility and taking care of myself.#Drawing is something I do 'for fun' but there were many times it became more stressful than it should.#I'm still learning how to find and maintain balance with everything life throws at me.#We are all works of progress and I am trying very hard to love the process and the journey! I don't really know my destination!#But I will keep taking steps forwards. I never want to be stuck and lost as I once was.#If 2024 was a rough year for you too; We're in this together. Let's keep taking steps together. No matter how small.#Love you all so very much. You've given me strength on the darkest days. Thank you thank you thank you.
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front-facing-pokemon · 3 months ago
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