#how to clean mustard oil

[eggpea]

i am slow cooking the most delicious of concoctions in the kitchen rn

(my tags are so long lol whole half ass recipe down there)

[thephant0menace]

| Simon ‘Ghost’ Riley head cannons

Being in a relationship with Ghost

Warnings: fem!reader x Simon Riley, strong language, fluff, slightly suggestive and mentions of sex, mention of blood and wounds, lots of pet names, simons awful dad jokes😨

Simon is a very intimate and physical lover.

He loves touching you and will always want to be close and affectionate with you, as he didn’t get that kinda physical affection as a kid.

He’s not big on PDA but as soon as you guys walk through the front door of your house, he’s all over you.

He’s absolutely terrified of accidentally hurting you like his father use to do to his mother.

So when you first started dating he was so cautious and gentle with you.

He was scared he’d break you.

But eventually he got more confident and comfortable with you…thanks to all your late night counselling sessions together on random nights. 

He never tells you about his injuries after returning from missions, so you’ll randomly find wounds on his body through out the night.

It’s an effort to get him to let you patch him up and be acts all tough as he doesn’t want to worry you.

“Just let me patch you up…it’ll be quick!”

“It’s fine, darlin’.”

“Simon, you’ve got a huge slash up your arm…”

“I’m alright. Let’s just go to the bedroom, I missed you.”

“I love you but we are not having sex with your arm sliced open.”

He’d eventually give in after lots of whining and complaining from him.

He hates to admit it but he does like it when you play doctor and sit in his lap, patching him all up.

“Look so pretty in my lap, lovie.”

You just roll your eyes, fighting back a smirk as you clean his wounds.

He loves when you give him back massages after missions and he happily returns them.

Loves when you use all your special essential oils and lotions to massage his sore muscles.

100% has fallen asleep mid massage.

Simon hates spicy food.

But he will suffer through it if you make it for him because he loves it when you cook.

“Simon? Are you alright?” You try to hold back a laugh as you stare at him from across the table.

“Hm? Yeah, yeah, m’fine…” He mumbled out, tears welling up in his eyes as he reluctantly scoops another spoonful of spicy pasta into his mouth.

You raise a brow suspiciously, “you don’t look fine…are you crying?”

“No! No, I’m not. Promise.”

“If you don’t like it you don’t have to have it,” you chuckle.

“I told you, I’m fine. Just a bit of spice…” there are tears practically spilling from his eyes and down his flushed cheeks.

You still tease him about it to this day.

He has also taught you how to make tea like a proper Brit.

He doesn’t believe in water.

This man lives off tea and bourbon. NOTHING ELSE.

He’s super quiet for a big guy.

He’s stealthy 🤨

So sometimes you don’t even hear him approaching and it scares that shit outta you.

He finds it hilarious yet he doesn’t even mean to.

Simon also sneezes so fucking loud.

Like you know those big ass sneezes dads do…yeah like that.

It quite literally makes you jump, every. single. time.

No matter how long you’ve been together…it always gets you.

DAD JOKES! DAD JOKES! DAD JOKES!

“Hey love,” he rasps out, voice croaky from sleep.

“Hm?” You groan, opening your eyes slightly.

“What do you call a soldier who survived mustard gas and pepper spray? A seasoned Veteran.”

“Simon, it’s 2 am.”

A/N: you guys seem to like my Ghost head cannons, so eat up🫶🫶

Also…more Konig and potentially Price fics coming up next!

[afraid-of-the-deep-sea]

Dazai, to me, has the vibes of a guy who has the most random knowledge n skills, but is useless at any basic life skill. He doesn't know how to drive but he can tell you about Maltese history. He can't cook to save his life but holy shit he can rollerskate. Just those sorta things.

But somehow they always become useful when the ADA is solving a case.

The ADA comes across a note in a script they don't recognise, dazai takes one look at it and is like "oh that's Asomtavruli, very old type of georgian script, here I'll try to translate it" but ask him how a washing machine works and he genuinely doesn't know.

It drives Kunikida insane btw. Like hes seen Dazai try to put out a oil fire with water or accidentally make mustard gas while cleaning, like he doesn't know those things but SOMEHOW HE CAN JUGGLE LIKE A PRO?? insane. It drives kunikida insane.

[jittyjames]

bored out of my mind at work bc it’s the week before christmas and no one ever comes and i’ve cleaned this whole place top to bottom and i still have to fucking babysit it so i bring you….

what the jesusi would order from subway brought to you by your local sandwich artist (and why)

(no one will have ham or bacon bc THEYRE JEWISH. and don't fight me on this. i'm the expert.)

2012 bway jesus

he gets the philly steak because it’s the first thing on the menu and he gets frustrated because he doesn’t know how to work a subway without mary and judas (this happens more often than you’d think.) he gets it exactly how it comes on the menu but is dissatisfied bc he doesn’t like green peppers and didn’t realize they were there. he still tips. he inevitably fucks up every time he comes into the shop and ends up dissociating until it’s time to pay. but also buys a pack of the raspberry cookies for mary and judas!!!

arena tour jesus

a vegan, so he get the veggie delight! he gets it on wheat bread with no cheese (but the bread warmed!) and then he gets all the fresh veggies. lettuce, spinach, tomatoes, cucumber, onions, green pepper, and black olives. he also gets with olive oil, red wine vinegar, and a sprinkle of salt ✨but he WILL be getting a bag of crisps to go with it. a super chill customer who is really polite, but not overly bubbly to the point it’s grating. orders quickly and promptly leaves. tips, but makes sure to do it in cash so it won’t go to the company.

2k jesus

he would get the mexicali. it’s indulgent and earthy and rich. it’s a lot. and this jesus is a lot. also everyone who gets this is super nice and they know what the want. mexicali people are good people. he gets it with provolone cheese instead of pepperjack and has them leave off the onions and adds banana peppers. herb and cheese bread! because he’s extra! he does not tip but it’s bc he doesn’t know tipping is a thing at subway.

(okay i admit this is mostly bc there''s a guy who looks just like him who always gets this one even though its not on the current menu. i still make it for him. and that just has the vibes of glensus.)

1973 jesus

this dood is just classic. like yeah. this guy would eat fish. he would get the most basic sub you can think of. and it’s tuna. and everyone thinks he’s wrong for it. but he likes it, so it’s okay. he’s a whole grain guy and he doesn’t get cheese or sauce on it. he’s a cucumber and olive man. that’s it. he’s the type of customer that leaves the employees going “…huh.” he’s the type that just appears at the counter and you didn’t even hear him walk in. he will also always start at the wrong end. but super nice and easy. you learn his order and can make it as soon as you see him. super polite. not very talkative. he tips in coins.

2024 dutch tour jesus

sweet onion terriyaki chicken. the best one. he has the best taste. (this was my fav one before i went vegetarian.) it’s savory but also pleasant and light and it’s a nice little treat. and he deserves a nice little treat. i think he’s a flatbread fellow. for veg he would get spinach, onion, green pepper, and a light glaze of the sauce. maybe he would even add some pepperjack cheese bc he likes a diverse flavor profile! heated and not toasted bc he likes the bread soft like him! the type of customer the employees love getting because he’s always polite and kind (and pretty)! will also tip! this guy walks in and you'll tell your coworker “oh, i'll get him!“

50th anniversary tour jesus

a cutie sweetie pie. he just gets something quick so he can get back to it. he's been getting the same sandwich since he was a child and came in with the virgin mary. just a plain turkey and american cheese (get it for the american tour) on italian bread with lettuce and light mayo. never tomato though. if he gets tomato by mistake, he will politely pick them off and give them to someone else. but more recently, he's been indulging and ordering one of the soft pretzels with honey mustard to go with it. considerate and polite customer who will chat about music with you while you make his sandwich. (you'll slip him a coupon bc he's adorable.) forgets cash, so he doesn't tip but he will most definitely thank you profusely.

2014 Swedish Tour Jesus

straight up just gets that terrifying footlong cookie. It smells amazing (so does he) and they're both intimidating as hell. he straight up walks into the store with his shirt unbuttoned and his sunglasses on. you've never seen anyone brave enough to actually buy this, but if anyone could do it, it's him. he would not eat an actual sandwich from the store. the idea freaks him out. your overly flirtatious coworker will try to ask him out. he'll laugh. then he'll ask for two forks (will he share with judas? mary? he hasn't decided yet.) and tips a surprisingly large amount that makes your jaw drop. you will be googling him to see if he's a celebrity afterwards. but no, he's just like that.

[bluelancess]

Untouchable | Elriel fic part 1/3

Summary: The inner circle is having one of their usual dinner parties, during which Azriel can't help but shoot death glares to Lucien across the table, Elain is the only one who manages to calm him down.

Tags: secret meetings, forbidden love, secret relationship

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Read on AO3.

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Chapter 1: This is falling in love in the cruelest way

The Townhouse was exceptionally quiet today, the only sound filling its empty walls came from Elain’s soft humming in the kitchen. It was a melody she had heard a couple of days back while strolling along Velaris’ farmer’s market. She thought it was sweet, sounded almost a little magical to her ears, she had stopped on her tracks to give her full attention to the street performers, marveling at the way their expert fingers played the instruments, and at how they could attract a large crowd after  only playing a single enchanting note. She was most definitely not doing the song justice, but humming helped her keep her mind away from dangerous black holes that always threatened to swallow her whole, the same way baking and gardening did. 

She was adamant on never letting her mind take her away again. 

Ever.

Elain put the final touches to the delicious meal she was cooking for dinner, and cleaned the palms of her hands on the front part of her light-blue apron. Roasted rosemary potatoes, grilled chicken with lemon zest, honey and mustard, various vegetables she had seasoned earlier; broccoli, peas, a tomato salad with basil and olive oil. 

Cooking kept her busy and occupied most of the time. And it filled her with joy to be able to be helpful in any way she could. Besides, today was one of the Inner Circle’s weekly dinner meeting. Rhysand made it almost mandatory, and considering everyone was busy doing their own thing nowadays, having an afternoon where they could catch up on everything else other than work-related subjects, was a refreshing change. 

Elain had dessert finishing baking in the oven, a blueberry crust pie she was going to  serve alongside some vanilla ice-cream and whipped cream, when Nuala and Cerridwen entered the kitchen, both walked as silently as a ghost would. It used to perturbe Elain at the beginning, them being so silent, but with time she had gotten used to their presence, their company. 

“The table is set,” Nuala said. “We can finish up here.” 

“Thank you,” Elain smiled at her, and slowly removed her apron. Cerridwen extended her hand towards her, so Elain could hand her the clothing item covered in flower. “Is Feyre still asleep?” 

Nuala nodded softly. “She and the babe, both.” 

Elain chewed on her lower lip, concealing the smile that had formed after picturing the image in her head. Feyre lying on her bed, Nyx resting on top on her chest, the tiny wings tucked in, his little chubby hands holding onto Feyre’s gown like he used to do when he slept in that position as if scared Feyre might put him in his crib as soon as he fell asleep. 

“I’ll go change,” Elain told them both, “then I can check up on them.” 

“We’ll clean up here.”

“Thank you.” 

With that, Elain exited the kitchen, and took slow, soft steps towards the stairs. She had already chosen the gown she would wear for dinner. A lavender satiny dress that hugged her curves in all the right places, with hug shoulders, long slit sleeves and a cirde skirt that reached a little under her ankles that flowed when she walked, making her her feel like a real-life fairytale princess. It was her favorite dress as of late. She hadn’t worn it for other people yet, she was waiting for an special occasion. 

This seemed like the right time. 

Considering Az would be here any minute. 

Just thinking about the Shadowsinger brought a wave of unbearable heat cursing through her, warming up her cheeks, her neck, her ears. She needed to learn to control herself, if she wanted whatever was going on between them to remain private. 

Any time she stopped to remember they way Az had looked that one night he came knocking on her window at three in the morning, her whole body shivered, the memory carefully stored in a special place in her heart. It had been the night everything shifted, everything changed, for her. For Azriel. 

No one knew about it. 

No one could. 

Elain had been awake twisting and turning on the sheets, as per usual since their moment at the Winter Solstice, that cursed night that some days, the bad days, she wanted to desperately forget. Forget the way he had touched her and made her light up with so much want, so much need… She had never felt so alive before. Only to end with him pushing her away, such a regretful look in his eyes, telling her that it had been a mistake. But then… there were the good days, those days were she thought about him and hoped, prayed to whatever had interest in hearing her pleas, to have a second chance. To ask him all the questions roaming her head. All the doubts eating at her. 

She never imagined he was feeling the same way. 

But then, as if he were almost as desperate as her, he’d come in the middle of the night, looking like he’d also had been tossing and turning, so many sleepless night catching up to him. She opened the window with her heart on her throat, and he whispered to her to come with him. Only for a moment. He begged with his eyes, a desperation that was so painfully palpable, Elain’s whole chest squeezed at the sight of it. 

Breathless, she took his hand that night. 

It was the first time he took her flying, just for the fun of it. They had made it a habit now. He would knock on her window, she would open it, and he would scoop her in his arms, kiss her brow and marvel at her laughs when he would take off, holding her close to him, showing her the sky. It was those moments, that made Elain feel like she was actually free. 

Elain opened the door to her bedroom, and froze at the threshold, her brown eyes going wide, her traitorous heart beating so fast it reverberated in her ears. 

Azriel brought his index fingers to his lips and it was pure luck she didn't scream when she saw him; sprawled on her bed, boots still on, his wings so big they barely fit the mattress. She licked her lower lip, feet glued to the floor. He looked at her like he wanted to eat her alive, and Elain’s cheeks warmed up. He chuckled, darkly, softly and motioned for her to come forward with his hand, she shook her head like she couldn't believe what he was doing. 

After taking a deep breath, Elain quickly looked over her shoulder before closing the door behind her. She didn’t have time to give a single step, before Azriel got to his feet, and closed the space between them in two exact and calculated steps. 

“You’re insane,” she breathed, lifting her head to look at him in the eyes, he was so tall, it never stoped amazing her, so tall, and so beautiful. Azriel hands went to her cheeks, holding her so gently as if he were scared to hurt her. 

“I missed you,” he simply replied, lifting a shoulder, one of his thumbs caressing her lower lip, his face getting nearer to hers, she could almost taste him. After a couple of weeks meeting in secret, delighting herself with his company, Elain had realized that Azriel liked to tease her. So much. He liked to take things so painfully slow, until she was barely breathing and begging him to touch her, to kiss her, to give her everything. “Just thinking about the fact that I have to sit on that dinner table, unable to touch you for hours, was driving me crazy.” 

Azriel left a phantom kiss on her right cheekbone, then moved to the bridge of her nose. Elain closed her eyes at the contact, savoring the feel of him. Her hands roaming him from his shoulders, down to the muscles of his chest. She loved the way his Illyrian leathers felt under her fingertips. She dreamed of the day she finally would have the opportunity to peel them off of him.

But she couldn’t. They couldn’t. 

Not yet. 

It was too risky, everyone would to know they had been together, their scents would mix, there would be no denying it. And although Azriel was usually cocky and confident when it came to the fact the he most definitely would win a blood duel against Lucien, she couldn't even fathom the idea of Az risking his life in that matter for her. Az kept distributing tiny kisses along her face, like he wanted to pain it all with his lips. It was certainly torture having to wait until they were finally free to fall into the lust consuming their bodies, their souls. But she was completely sure it’d be worth the wait. 

“So you decided to cheat and get a little taste before dinner?” She asked, and he hummed, as he kissed her eyelids, the tip of her nose, the right corner of her mouth. So soft, so gentle. 

“Hmm,” he muttered, “I was actually hoping you wanted to skip dinner altogether.” 

“Because that wouldn’t be suspicious.” He kissed the left corner of her mouth now, and a groan left Elain’s throat, Azriel ignored it and moved down to her jaw. “How long have you been here anyway?” 

“About half an hour,” he replied, voice low, no more than a rumble, but she heard it perfectly, felt it everywhere. He kissed right under her earlobe and Elain bit her lower lip hard, tying to conceal the moan escaping her. “You smell so good.” 

She melted against him the the words, reality crashing into her like a hard wave. Remembering where they were, who that house belonged to. 

“Rhys could get home any minute,” she breathed, he groaned at the name of another male leaving her mouth when he was licking up the column of her neck, her hands grasping his uniform as if she needed it to remain standing. Cauldron, he was killing her. 

“I don’t care,” Azriel replied, sucking gently at the sensitive, pale skin, his hands angling her head, exposing her neck just the way he wanted, the way he needed. “Maybe I should just leave a mark right here,” he whispered, and gently kissed right under her jaw. “Everyone can come to their own conclusions.”

“You wouldn’t.” She teased him, somehow, for some reason, the idea sparked something in her, something feral. She wanted him to claim her, to show everyone that she was his and he was hers. 

That they had chosen one another. 

Damn the consequences. 

 “Someday I will.” He told her, making it sound like a threat. He couldn’t hide the smile of surprise when she let out a breathy moan, as if she could just picture the idea in her head and loved it. 

Elain was about to just grab his beautiful face, get on her tippy toes, and steal a long kiss from his lips, when Azriel stepped away from her, so fast she almost lost her balance. A knock on the door had her spine straightening, her heart jumping. 

“El, are you there?” Feyre. It was her sister’s voice, still sleepy from the nap she had been taking with Nyx. 

She turned around, the door was behind her, she had been pressed against the wood by Azriel's solid body. She swallowed hard, running her fingers through her hair, her face, her neck, she could still feel Azriel lips on her skin, the wet strokes of his tongue, the little painless bites. She was definitely flushed. 

She looked over her shoulder, Azriel was nowhere to be seen, but in the corner of the room, right under the door that connected to her dressing room, a little shadow was peaking, sharp like a knife, as if getting ready to attack if she needed it to. 

“Elain?” Feyre knocked again, and Elain forced herself to take one, two long breaths before turning the knob and opening the door. 

“Sorry,” she told her sister. “I was about to change my clothes. They’re covered in food... you know, from cooking and all that.” 

Feyre yawned, her eyes were glassy and her cheeks rosy from sleep, Elain tried to block the view of the inside of her rooms, just to be sure. But Feyre ignored it, putting one of her hands on her sister’s shoulders and going inside, to lay face first on the bed. 

“Dinner smells so good,” Feyre murmured. “I’m so hungry the smell woke me up. Also, Nyx started to cry. He was hungry too.” 

“You had a good nap?” Elain asked, her voice sounded strange even to herself, but Feyre didn’t seem to notice anything out of the ordinary. 

“Yes, I needed it.” After a beat, Feyre sat on the bed and looked at Elain, the relaxed look on her face from the last couple of seconds going away in a blink. “Actually, I came to talk to you about something.” 

Elain took a couple steps towards her sister, sitting beside her on the side of the bed. “What happened?”

“I just spoke with Rhys, mainly to asked him what time he was coming home for dinner, and he mentioned to me Lucien is in the city. He came because he has some reports he need to give Rhys, and …” Feyre grimaced, she looked worried, almost guilty. “I know it makes you uncomfortable, so I told him to not even think about bringing him tonight before asking you.” 

Elain couldn’t hear anything. Couldn’t breathe. 

She hated this. Hated that cursed mating bond so much. 

All she wanted was to be free of that male, but it was like he didn’t know when to give up. No matter how many hints she sent his way, or the fact that she made it her mission to stay as far away from him as possible. He wouldn’t budge. 

She couldn’t understand how he could continue to pursue her, knowing that it wouldn’t get him anywhere. Lucien couldn’t be so naive to believe she’d change her mind with a couple of expensive gifts and awkward dinner parties where he didn’t even make the effort to see her, understand her. 

But, even if she wanted to say no, this wasn’t her house. Not really. 

It was her sister’s, and her mate’s. She was living there because they were kind enough to let her. Because they cared about her, yes, but that didn’t mean that sometimes, she wished she could have something that was entirely hers. 

Just hers. 

“Lucien is your friend, I don’t want you to not invite him because of me,” the words tasted wrong on the mouth, and the shadows slowly started gathering in the corners of the room, like steam from a boiling pot. 

“Are you sure?” Feyre’s face changed, glowing, “You don’t have to talk to him if you don’t want to, I don’t want to ruin your night.” 

“You won’t. It’s fine.” She tried to give her sister a smile. The truth was, at this point, after everything Feyre had done for her and their family, Elain was willing to do, to endure, absolutely anything for her sister. It was the least she could do. 

No sacrifice seemed great enough. Not after everything Feyre had lost, suffered through for them. For her. 

She could be an adult and enjoy one evening with Lucien. Put on a smile, pretend everything was perfect and delicious, and she was happy. Because she was happy. More than ever. She just had to remind herself that once the dinner party was over, and the guests went home, she could return to her little room, and maybe, just maybe, Azriel would be waiting for her. 

And if he was, she’d ask him to take her flying. 

Feyre threw her arms around her sister and kissed her temple. 

“Everyone is getting here in fifteen minutes.” Feyre stood up from the bed and walked towards the door. “I’ll see you downstairs.” 

Elain closed the door as soon as her sister left, and rested her forehead on the cool wood. She felt the spymaster presence at her back, his eyes piercing, his shadows surrounding the four walls of her rooms like he wanted to keep her there, all to himself.

“Did you know he was on the city?” She asked softly, turning around to see him standing right outside her dressing room. 

Azriel shook his head. 

“Rhys ordered me to take care of other business today,” he replied, his voice lethal, scarred hands curling into tight balls, shoulders tense. She approached him, and softly put the pads on her fingers in his hands, willing them to relax, to open up for her and let her in, hold her. 

“It’ll be okay.” 

“I can’t stand it,” he groaned. “I can’t stand the way he looks at you. The smell—“ Azriel took her hands into his, closing his fingers around hers tight, the muscle on his jaw flexing. 

“It’s not easy for me either.” 

“Then let’s not go,” he looked at her like he wanted to whisk her away, show her everything, run and run until no one knew who they were. "Let's go somewhere else, just you and me."

“Az…” His name sounded so charged coming from her lips, like a prayer, a promise, the sweetest of secrets, something she only said when it was the two of them, alone. “We can’t.” 

He let out a long sigh, and rested his chin on top of her head. 

“Don’t ask me to be nice, then,” he said.

“I wasn’t going to.” 

“Good.” 

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this is going to be a 3 part little one shot so enjoy <3

[blushcoloreddreams]

Caesar salad

Ingredients

1/2 a head of iceberg lettuce

400g of chicken breast (two slices sort of)

2 slices of bread

2 tb spoons of thickly shredded Parmesan cheese

Extra virgin olive oil

Ingredients for the sauce:

3/4 of cup of mayo

3 tb spoons of Greek yogurt

1 tea sooon of English sauce

The juice of half a lime

1 cup of thinly grated Parmesan

1/2 tea spoon of Dijon mustard

1 mashed garlic clove

1 tea spoon of extra virgin olive oil

Salt and black pepper to taste

How to make the salad:

1. Heat a non stick frying pan with a dash of olive oil and golden the chicken breasts flipping them every minute until they are ready (season them only with salt) cut them in strips and reserve

2. ⁠ cut the bread slices in cubes to make croûtons (around 2cm ) and splash them with olive oil) you can golden the cubes in the pan you used before or putting it 3 min an air fryer or for 10 min in a normal oven. Reserve

3. ⁠ with your hands shred the previously cleaned lettuce and reserve

Making the sauce

1. Mix all the ingredients in a bowl until they are homogenous (you can also use a mixer if u want)

2. ⁠ seasons with salt and pepper

Assembling:

1. Put the amount of sauce you prefer in the lettuce and add the croûtons and parm and mix

2. ⁠ add the chicken before u serve it

[thedannyphantomcookbook]

42 Ingredient Nasty Burger Sauce Recipe

I figured this would be one of the most challenging recipes to create. As described in the show, "If those 42 secret herbs and spices in our nasty sauce overheated, it could cause an explosion that could take out a whole city block!" - Irving "Third Degree" Burns. And while I may be an amateur home chef, I don't know how feasible something like that is. BUT I did create a 42 ingredient burger sauce. Here are all 42 ingredients and the recipe!

Red onion

Thyme

Olive Oil

Garlic

Smoked Paprika

Brandy

Hot sauce

Ground pepper

Egg

Red or white wine vinegar

Salt

Neutral oil

Lemon juice

Crushed tomatoes

Water

Sugar

Sherry vinegar

Onion powder

Garlic powder

Celery salt

Mustard powder

Cayenne

Clove

Mustard seeds

Turmeric

Honey

Herbs

Honey

Beer

Cider vinegar

Cucumber

Onion

Distilled white vinegar

Cornstarch

Red bell pepper

Celery seed

Dill seed

Parsley

Dill

Fennel

Rosemary

Tarragon

And here is the recipe!

Nasty Sauce

1 red onion, finely chopped

Thyme sprigs

Rosemary springs

Olive oil

Garlic

1 teaspoon of smoked paprika 

Brandy

6-8 Tablespoons Mayo

2-3 Tablespoons Ketchup

2-3 Tablespoons Relish

Hot sauce, to taste

Ground pepper, to taste

Method:

In a sauce pan, heat olive oil under medium heat. Add the red onion and thyme springs, season with salt and pepper, and immediately cover and lower the heat to low. Leave to cook for a few hours, or until everything turns into a nice jammy texture. After a few hours have gone by, remove lid and discard thyme. Add in garlic and smoked paprika and turn the heat back up to medium. Add in the splash of brandy, and cook for 30 seconds, scraping up any burnt bits stuck to the pan. When the bottom of the pan looks clean, transfer the contents to a food processor with the mayo, ketchup, mustard, relish, hot sauce and ground pepper. Blend until everything is smooth and creamy and transfer to a container.

For the 42 Ingredient Recipe, you can make homemade Mayo, ketchup, mustard, and relish with the recipes provided below.

Homemade Mayo

 - 1 large egg at room temperature

 - 1 tablespoon mustard

 - 1 tablespoon red or white wine vinegar

 - 1/4 teaspoon kosher salt, or more to taste

 - 1 cup (240ml) neutral flavored oil, grapeseed, safflower or canola are best

 - 1 teaspoon fresh lemon juice, optional

Method

In a small food processor, add your egg and blend for 20 seconds. Add your mustard, vinegar, and salt and blend for another 20 minutes. Scrape the sides and bottom and resume blending. As it blends, slowly add in the oil, drip by drip, until a quarter of the oil has been emulsified. One the mixture has start to come together, you can start adding the oil in a thin stream. Once all the oil has been added, continue to blend for another 10 seconds. Taste to see if it needs lemon juice, salt, or vinegar. If the mayo seems to thin, you can drip in more oil. Store covered in the fridge for two weeks.

Homemade Ketchup

 - 2 (28 ounce) cans crushed tomatoes

 - ½ cup water, divided

 - ⅔ cup white sugar

 - ¾ cup sherry vinegar

 - 1 teaspoon onion powder

 -  ½ teaspoon garlic powder

 - 1 ¾ teaspoon salt

 -  ⅛ teaspoon celery salt

 - ⅛ teaspoon mustard powder

 - ¼ teaspoon finely ground black pepper

 - ¼ teaspoon cayenne pepper, or to taste

 - 1 whole clove

Method

Pour tomatoes into a slow cooker. Rinse out the cans with the ¼ cup water and pour it back into the slow cooker. Add your sugar, vinegar, onion powder, garlic powder, salt, celery salt, mustard powder, black pepper, cayenne and whole clove, whisking to combine. Cook on high, uncovered for 10 to 12 hours, or until thick. Stir every hour or so. Use an immersion blender to break down any chunks of tomato that did not break down in the cooking. Finally, use a fine mesh sieve to strain out any other lumps. Transfer to a bowl and allow the ketchup to cool completely. Taste and adjust for seasoning.

Homemade Mustard

 - 6 Tablespoons mustard seeds

 - ½ cup mustard powder

 - 2 teaspoons of salt

 - 1 teaspoon ground turmeric

 -  2 tablespoons honey (optional)

 - ¼ cup minced herbs such as parsley, dill, fennel and tarragon.

 - ½ cup water or beer

 - 3 tablespoons of cider vinegar

Method

Using a mortar and pestle, spice grinder, or a bag and meat hammer, grind the mustard seeds, leaving them mostly whole. Pour these into a bowl with the mustard powder, salt, turmeric, honey or herbs. Pour in the water or beer and stir well. When everything is incorporated, let it sit for up to ten minutes. The longer you let it sit, the mellower it’ll taste. When you’re ready, pour in the vinegar. Pour into a glass jar and store in the fridge for 12 hours before use. This will keep for one year.

Homemade Relish 

 - 2 cups finely chopped cucumber (about 3 Kirby cucumbers)

 - 1/2 cup finely chopped onion

 - ½ cup of red bell paper, finely chopped.

 - 1/2 cup distilled white vinegar

 - 1/4 cup sugar

 - 1 Tablespoon of celery seed

 - 1 Tablespoon of dill seed or dill weed.

 - 1 teaspoon cornstarch dissolved in 1 teaspoon water

 - Salt

Method

Set a sieve over a bowl and place your cucumber, onion, red bell pepper, and ¾ teaspoon salt and allow it to drain for 3 hours. As the salt mixes with the cucumber and onion, liquid will release. After the three hours, wrap the cucumber and onion in a kitchen towel and squeeze out as much excess liquid as possible. Set aside.

In a small saucepan, heat the the vinegar, sugar, and ¼ teaspoon salt to a boil until the sugar has dissolved, and there is about ½ cup of liquid left, about 3-4 minutes. Add the cucumber onion mixture and simmer for about 2 minutes. Stir in the cornstarch mixture and simmer for another minute, stirring. Transfer the relish to a bowl and chill, uncovered until cold, about 1 ½ hours. The relish will keep for one month.

[fcukfodmap]

Day 26: Low-FODMAP Salmon Cakes

I got a stupidly large amount of salmon from Costco, so I decided to do something different than my typical bake-with-olive-oil-and-birch-syrup situation. These salmon cakes are way easier than they look, but they do force you to get out the food processor, so. I always resent having to take it out (and clean it), but others may not be as petulant about kitchen appliances. To the recipe:

Low-FODMAP Salmon Cakes

~2 slices gluten-free bread

1 1/2 lbs skinless salmon, cut into 1 inch cubes

3 tbsp mayo

3 tbsp minced fresh parsley

2 tsp Dijon mustard

3 tsp minced capers

salt and pepper

Set a rack about 3 inches from broiler and heat broiler. Pulse bread in food processor to coarse crumbs, which should be about 1 1/4 c bread crumbs. Set aside in large bowl. Pulse salmon in food processor until coarsely ground, then add to the bowl with the bread crumbs.

Mix together mayo, parsley, mustard, capers, and salt and pepper to taste, then then fold into salmon and bread crumbs until combined. (You fold it in, David.) Divide into 6 patties that look like hamburger patties, about 1 inch thick, and then arrange on a foil-lined baking sheet.

Broil until browned and patties register 125F, roughly 5 minutes. Remove from oven and let rest for 5 minutes.

The salmon cakes were pretty great, and everyone enjoyed them. I'm not even going to go into how I cooked the potatoes (pictured) because I didn't like how they turned out. I had cantaloupe wedges wrapped in prosciutto as a salad, because I've been craving watermelon salad with feta and mint, but watermelon is on the no list. This diet is still massive bullshit. I'll post a recipe for the banging tartar sauce I made tomorrow.

Disclaimer: I am no dietician. I'm doing my best to minimize FODMAPs in my diet, but it's possible for me to be misinformed or mistaken about various ingredients.

[fluffle-writes]

For weirdcore au

How do some of the mouthless experience taste? Do the hungering flames have preferences? Like flammability versus how clean it burns (oils and grease can burn easy but not cleanly, not all wood burns the same either with some leaving fine ash versus lumps of char or even residue from sap and oils). Or maybe it's based on the contents? Magic or mineral or just plain ol texture? Or maybe they do taste the chicken in the smoke and ash and they eat up some crispy tenders just like us?

What if plant types? Do they have a preference? Or even Idia? Does he have favorite memories to consume?

Sorry if there's a lot of questions 😅 i just really like this

Don't apologise for asking questions! Answering them is TONS of fun! It gives me an opportunity to dig into lil nooks and crannies of my mind palace to find good answers about how their weird lil world works! :D

Weirdcore AU Masterlist Here!

The way that these guys experience taste...

I feel like the plant guys would likely have something going on that's based on how butterflies or octopuses have taste buds on their feet/tentacles, where the plant guys have taste buds on the roots that they consume their food with! These taste buds are incredibly strong, so it's common for beings who eat this way to be picky about their food. (For example, Cater vehemently dislikes sweets, and Trey can't stand mustard!)

Ones who eat with fire can only taste foods that last long enough in the fire - so things like cotton candy would burn away too quickly to be tasted. But ice cream resists burning for a while, so the taste lingers! Things like onions may also be caramelised by the heat, which makes the flavour more complex and appealing to the person eating it. Wood and oil can be a staple food for younger or weaker beings with this feature, as it can help them maintain more energy and keep their flame strong and in good health!

Any residue from the burnt food is swallowed and further digested - it's like how cows have more than one stomach to properly digest the grass that they eat. Beings like Malleus will have a digestive system specifically designed for digesting ashes and burnt remains of the food they consume. For larger chunks of ashes, they may either regurgitate pellets like barn owls owls do with indigestible parts of their food, or they could simply swallow those chunks whole like snakes, crushing them in their throat as they do so.

Idia's sense of taste, when he uses his tech to eat, is more artificial (for normal food consumption, at least.) Like if he eats a banana or a strawberry, the flavour will be more artificial. This is why he may prefer more artificial foods when he eats with his mouth - it's what he's used to tasting.

Memories are somewhat different though. The memories of an unthinking animal is somewhat plain, like eating plain white bread or a rice-only diet - it's filling and a good part of a diet, but memories of more intelligent prey gives him other forms of energy that are vital to his health. I'm not sure what memories would be his favourite... Possibly memories from childhood, of untethered joy. Those ones are particularly sweet.

Sad memories are more bitter, while memories of love have fruity or floral flavours, and memories of victory often taste meaty - like a good steak. But like I said, Idia prefers the sweeter memories (his favourite food is sweets so I'm pretty sure our guy has a sweet tooth lol)

[somethingclevermahogony]

ROY G. BIV Tag Game

Thanks for the tag @illarian-rambling! These are all coming from books 1 and 2 of my WIP, The Testaments of the Green Sea.

Um I suppose content warning for violence and blood for the first one, if that is something that you are uncomfortable with, skip red and go to orange.

As he bent to continue his impromptu drink, the deck erupted. It was as if the wood itself had chosen to spring at the man, or the sea had punched through the ship's hull. The massive hand closed around the front of his skull, the rough and leathery palm engulfed the entirety of his face and muffled his shrieks.  Blood spattered the deck, mixing with the wine. The crunch and the snap of bone and of wood were nearly indistinguishable. His form was pulled through the jagged hole, ribs and shoulders cracked and folded in on themselves, the sheer force ripped the left arm from the body. A spray of red painted the deck where a moment before he had stood. And then he was gone.

.

Of course, it's been great having more than just me down here. After Zanuk died, I was getting worried that Wadikir was never going to get another slave for the Hall, not that I’m happy that you and Suru are slaves, it's just if you had to be slaves anywhere I’m glad it was here, and -” Now it was Shela’s turn to blush; she could feel the heat rising in her cheeks. Her last few words had been barely more than a squeak. She quickly pivoted away from Otilia, careful not to send the scrolls rolling across the floor again. She wasn’t entirely sure why she felt so embarrassed, but she was. The two walked in silence through the labyrinthian pathways, past the flickering clay lamps that threw their dancing orange light over the ancient walls. Both were deeply mired in their own imaginations. So I was right, Otilia thought, It’s not just me. Otilia couldn’t help but smile.

.

“How long is this tunnel?” Narul groaned. “You’re almost at the end sir, just beyond this bend.” The tunnel abruptly opened into a large octagonal room, its walls carved from yellow stone, punctuated by three doors as well as the tunnel from which Narul had emerged. At its center lay a large round pool, shallow on one side and deeper on the other. Placed around this pool were various benches, cushions, and vases. He looked at the strange clay bottles which hung from the ceiling like exotic fruits and at the bronze tools laid out on a nearby table; pincers, hooks, and ladles among other things. For the slaves of Labisaj, baths had consisted of water pulled from the well poured over the body once or twice with a bucket, just enough to get the majority of the grime off of the skin. He had no idea what he was expected to do here, there was no bucket to be seen. On a whim, he walked towards the water. “Do I just get in?” He turned to the attendants. They looked at him, perplexed. “No sir, it's not heated yet, and you have not been cleaned.” “Cleaned? Isn’t that what the water’s for?” 

.

The production was extravagant, even for Ninma. Dish after dish were presented to the tables. Fish and crusteacans played a central roll; stewed, boiled, baked, fried, even raw. Narul lost count of the varieties. After a short while, each silver tray would be whisked off by the servants to some unknown location, often with the majority of the food still left on them. Along with fish there came slabs of meat; beef and goat, nearly every dish drizzled with sauces of vinegar or mustard or else coated in herbs and oils. Occasionally vegetables; peeled asparagus, cabbage, and other greens would make an appearance and would be almost entirely ignored. Bowls of beer and wine were constantly replenished, with the banqueters drinking from golden ladels dipped directly in the bowls. Fluffy wheat bread too was in constant supply, this was only the second time Narul had tried wheat bread, barley being far more common. Otilia looked up from a dish of tiny octopi swimming in vinegar and sesame oil, to see Shela across the room, a sloshing bowl of beer balanced on her head. She smiled and waved. Shela frowned, eyes darting from side to side and mouthed. “We need to talk….tonight…” Otilia frowned, but nodded. Shela smiled weakly, setting the bowl at one of the tables and returned to the kitchen to receive yet more food for the banquet. The sensation of fullness was not one with which Narul had ever been particularly familiar.  He leaned back with a groan, one hand on his belly, he felt somewhat sick. Ninma looked similarly green-faced.

.

It was dark now. He was alone. Did he dare call out for help? Only the reflection of the moon lit the world around him. There were no birds, no animals, just the soft whistle of the wind. He looked for something to cover himself, to warm his aching body, he found nothing but more snow. He could swear his fingers were turning blue. As he felt his breathing slow and his eyelids grow heavy, he saw two figures coming towards him through the snow, people he thought, what kind, he couldn’t be sure. Were they Apunian’s coming to kill him? It didn’t matter, they were something. " Help me." He pleaded as the figure drew near.

.

“I hope you have saved some wine and women for me!” A voice crowed as the tent flaps were pushed aside. Four men entered, still dressed in their armor, they were all southern nobility from the cities of Kotsa, Felu, and Kitsu. Tizanush, son of Atab the lord of Kotsa, was at their head. He was tall and handsome, with flowing brown hair and broad shoulders. He could have leapt from the mouth of a poet or from the chisel of an artist. He was new to war, having only joined Akard’s cabinet the year before when his father and by extension the city of Kotsa had sworn allegiance to the throne of Labisaj.  The other nobles greeted him cordially, offering him wine and food, one of the prettier girls was even shoved his way. As he stood he began to undress, taking of his armor, and this clothing underneath, leaving his body bare. He grinned and flexed. “A true man doesn’t mind the cold. Even if parts of him might.” The others laughed. Zatar did not. He eyed the brat and his sword, coldly. Tizanush bent to retrieve his silken belt. The lordling inspected the indigo fabric for a moment and then tied it over his naked waist, and hung his sword from it. It was a beautiful blade, mountain bronze perhaps from Bur or Kurk, long and thin like a rapier in the the style of the southerners best-suited for slipping between armor, rather than hacking or slashing.

.

I should head back, I’ll already be later than Suru said I should be. Narul gazed at the shadows stretching away from the descending sun. It was only as he stood that he saw the figure bending to drink at the water’s edge. He had seen wolf pelts in the markets or draped over the shoulders of street performers in costume, but he had never seen a pelt still attached to the creature which had grown it. But even he knew that this beast was nothing like the creatures that had supplied those pelts. It was massive, the size of a horse, each paw as big as a man’s head. Its silvery fur seemed to glimmer a soft blue in the sun’s waning light.   A stone came loose beneath the giant’s foot and clattered loudly against its peers. Narul swore under his breath as the beast straightened, its shaggy head turning owl like to see what had disturbed its drink. Narul felt a pang of fear as he looked into violet eyes, there were no irises nor whites, just dark pools like lost forest springs. It had the face of a human, smooth and hairless, its skin as pale as moonlight, its delicate lips the same golden hue as the sunset.

Tagging @hallowedfury, @treesandwords, and @peresephones

[dirtbag-linecook-kyloren]

crested over 4k today and then husband and cats came into the office

I don’t think I can be blamed for getting distracted. Tomorrow we’ll hit 20k, I’ve got the first four scene done and I’m gonna try to chip away more at the first act tomorrow to try and get it acceptable to post but have the soup scene, which in my head is serving as the counterpoint to the orange juice scene.

---

When Hux opens the door to Ben’s house, trying to ignore how warm he feels, being told not to knock, Ben is standing at his island, gloved hands tearing a chicken breast apart as he frowns at it. He sets his backpack down, ignoring the essay he has to work on, and comes to wrap his arms around Ben from behind, leaning around broad shoulders so Hux can watch him work. “I wanted chicken noodle soup,” Ben tells him, as if that explains everything. His silence must make clear his confusion, because Ben continues. “Normally, pressure cooking the chicken with apple cider vinegar is enough to let me shred the chicken with my hand mixer, but this breast was too thick, I don’t think the liquid got all the way through the muscle fibers.” Hux nods, like he understands, and kisses Ben’s shoulder as he pulls away, coming to sit at what Hux thinks of as his seat, right across from Ben’s cutting board. “They sell soup in a can,” Hux points out, hoping for a pained look to cross Ben’s face, and instead, he just shrugs his shoulders. “That’s for when you’re sick,” he says. “The nostalgia heals you faster, I think. Or maybe they put antibiotics in the broth? Either way, I’m not sick, so I’ll have to settle for homemade.” On the counter, Hux sees a ball of dough, and wonders if Ben is putting all this effort into food, so he doesn’t have to do something else, and he asks as much. Ben grimaces, setting the chicken to the side. “Is it that obvious?” he asks, grabbing a bowl of vegetables and setting them next to his board before grabbing an onion from inside and peeling of the first few layers. “Yesterday was inventory. Dad wants the totals by the morning, so we can run reports. I’m avoiding all the math.” With a laugh, Hux rests his chin on his hand, letting himself just lean on the counter and look at Ben. There’s a still healing burn on his cheek from changing the fryer oil. Hux had put the mustard on it himself, making it clear to Ben there was no medical reason for it to work, and agreeing to smear it anyway. He’s wearing a tank top, and Hux sees scars he hasn’t heard the stories of yet, burns and scrapes, evidence of years in the kitchen. Even at home, he’s wearing gloves, but under them, Hux knows his nails are neatly trimmed and cleaned, a habit he kept from his previous restaurant. When he finally makes it back to Ben’s face, brown eyes are staring back at him, an amused tilt on Ben’s lips. “Shut up,” Hux replies to the unsaid comments, feeling the heat pool in his cheeks and his chest. “I have to work on my essay again tonight, you should do it while I slave away at my keyboard and pray my motherboard hangs on another day.” “Maybe,” Ben says as he moves on to chopping the carrots. “But first, soup. Well, pre-soup. Soon to be soup.” “Pre-soup feels like a dirty word,” Hux says, stealing a piece off the board faster than Ben can swat his hand away. “Like some new term the teenagers have made up that we’re all supposed to be too old to know.” “You’re twenty-four,” Ben points out, and Hux leans back in his seat, putting a hand on his forehead. “I have one foot practically in the grave, then,” he insists. “It’s a good thing you made soup, as I’m soon to be on my death bed.” Annoyed, Ben throws a piece of onion at him. Hux dodges it, lets it hit the floor and laughs. “Look at the mess you made.” He stands dramatically, making a show out of picking the debris up and throwing it into the trash can. When he turns around, Ben is standing there, holding a hand out. Following, he steps into Ben’s arms and lets himself be led as they sway around the living room. “There’s no music,” he points out quietly, resting his head on Ben’s chest. “Does there have to be?” No, Hux supposes as he closes his eyes. He can hear the song just fine without it.

[andmyvape]

Super Secret Potion of Awesome

Set large cauldron to boil, as it heats toss in a generous sprinkling of msg and salt, about a 1:3 ratio. Taste your stirring stick, you will know that your efforts are fruitful if you have to restrain the urge to bite into bamboo-- perhaps maple, or cherry if you're a fancy madman. As soon as the water boils, gently place 13 raviolis in the roiling chaos, do not just dump them in. Raviolis are a vengeful breed, they have not known love before. I have the marks on my neck to prove it. Cook however long the runes inscribed on the fantastic bag of holding things safe against the chill of the freezer recommends, I'm not inclined to argue with ravioli. Again, vengeful.

Now for the alchemy portion. Gather the ingredients: spinach and artichoke dip for the base, olive oil-- for the obligatory nod toward the queer histories, and because you deserve it, you shambling terror-- minced garlic with a measure of accompanying juice that could not possibly be defined as plague-riddled, a draft of white wine vinegar, and a draft of olives in juice. I do not care what olives you use, the whims of fate are not mine to direct, only to whack upside the head with a pool noodle until I'm dunked in the waters of existentialism.

This. This is the most crucial step. Do not forget the dijon mustard. The consequences… Do not bear speaking of. Not sober, at least, and I'm writing this on the clock!

Mix the spinach and artichoke dip with a small measure of dijon mustard, taste it, and add more a bit at a time, mixing between and tasting, enough immoral indulgence for the dip to still taste delicious, but not leave your tongue covered in triglyceride as is often the price the gods demand that mortals suffer for the taste of the universe's love. Fuck the gods, they don't know anyone named Jack or Shit.

Pour olive oil into a small void, or a plastic bowl if you don't have access to the first. Add garlic juice first, then half the amount of minced garlic you think you need to, because the fel spirits that just said to add more lied to you, they know that this is a key process, one that takes discipline and fortitude. Mix the olive oil and garlic thoroughly and taste. Do the triglycerides lurk at your window and backdoor? Waiting for a chance to devastate your lavish hedonism? Fight them back by pouring white wine vinegar into the cap the vessel is sealed with, about half its capacity, and then add half of that into the oil and garlic mixture, drop by drop, you don't want to startle it. Mix vigorously. Clean up the resultant mess before your roommates send for the church to investigate your heresy in pursuit of the delicious.

Taste the concoction. It is bright, too rich, this is clearly too French to be allowed to continue. This is where the olive juice becomes essential. The inverse of a monk adding ashes to a meal to spoil it's grandeur; bitter olive juice will redeem this sad, Parisian, half-finished state of being and make it truly glorious.

Find the tiniest spoon you have, something truly molecular in scale, and add a very little olive juice to to the mixture. Stir vigorously, repeat precautions against theocratic officials. Taste. Continue to add minute amounts of olive juice until you taste it and have to sit down and weep silently into the sink for sheer joy because otherwise you'll be mopping all night.

At some point the raviolis have finished cooking. If you weren't paying attention either to them or your surroundings enough to locate a timer as aid, I honestly don't know how you didn't get killed following the recipe this far. If you read this recipe before you attempted this dark art, I'm proud of you, because now you gain knowledge, and the universe is better for it. If you didn't and you're still alive, I'm still proud of you, but I'm confiscating the demon summoning kit. But if you did think on your feet at the beginning of this enterprise, and kept an eye on the raviolis, I imagine they're draining right now. Leave them there. It is not their time.

However, the cauldron in which the raviolis were metamorphosize'd--without all that slime nonsense, of course. That should be empty. If you retrieved the raviolis with tongs, or perhaps your hands, rather than pour the pasta and water into a colander, I would like to study you closely for an extended period in a controlled environment. In the event that you are less inclined toward cryptid behavior than I am, the cauldron is indeed empty, and you may proceed. Begin by reheating the hearth with the magic device attached to it. Don't ask me how to explain it, technomancy is not my field, that shit is for geeks. Use low heat, explosions tend to result in official scrutiny that gets in the way of alchemic discovery. When the bottom of the cauldron is hot, throw in your concoction of olive oil, garlic, and other unspeakable regents. With great haste and hopefully some dignity, extinguish the hearth, attend the resultant burn wounds, and persist in your quest, it is nearly finished. Let the olive oil and garlic mixture coat the bottom of the cauldron evenly, allow to cook for a few minutes.

Honestly I have not managed to fuck this part up with my cauldron, it disperses heat so quickly that the garlic physically cannot burn before the orichalcum it too cool to cook it further. But I'm sexy like that. It's hard for anyone else to emulate it. If that's the case, be sexy your own way, use dragonbone. Perhaps if you're attempting to evade detection of overblown and pompous so called "government administrations" you can even use mundane metals and still be sexy. I hope you get back to your cave soon, my friend.

Once the vibes of the garlic are right, which is between you and your squeedlyspooch, add the spinach and artichoke mixture that should definitely still include the dijon mustard if you intend to maintain your ownership of your limbs. Reinvigorate your hearth to a low inferno. Up until now you've been too soft on the two mixtures, too lenient, it is time to enforce discipline. Throw them both into the cauldron and inflict fork-based trauma until the result is the new Whump Fiction Protagonist of the Year recipient. Don't worry, it's all part of the process. If your cauldron is big enough, cleaning up the aftermath is much easier than most crime scenes.

Once you've had enough catharting through violence over past trauma, spread the subjugated mixture evenly throughout the bottom of the cauldron. As soon as you hear even the slightest sound of infernal hissing, or unholy bubbling of the oil, turn off the heat, let it sit for like a minute, stir and spread evenly again, and just do that until sniffing the contents of the cauldron makes you regress to a primitive state beyond that of even the eldest homo sapiens.

Add your raviolis, which have been in exile just long enough to repent their crimes of burn infliction upon the skin of your neck. They're crafty little shits, but a time out does them good, they'll be happy to play nice with the infernal and exquisite concoction that has time to fully synthesize into its ultimate form. Mix gently, they've both been through enough. Ladle into bowl.

Tutorial on how to consume this potion without someone hitting 911 on their speed dial to come shortly as soon as I work that out.

Honestly I'm not really sure how this is a potion, I think whatever I was channeling doesn't have many human languages as primary ones, but we made do, and my stomach could not approve more enthusiastically! Here's a picture of my leftovers for lunch today that I barely remembered to stop inhaling in time to acquire photographic evidence!

[sallysgrancanwrite]

Chapter Forty-Four

Warning;⚠️ domestic violence, sexual assault.

Chloe swallowed hard and as she trembled she called Michael. What was he going to say she thought, about her once again running from him. He threatened her to never do it again...she didn’t want to think of the consequences.

The phone rang several times before Michael picked up.

“Michael, it’s Chloe. I’ve…” he cut her off immediately.

“It’s been four and a half days, and you finally call. Where the hell are you?”

“I was saying, I’ve been in the hospital. I’m calling you to come get me now that I’ve been discharged.” She said.

“So now you expect me to pay a hospital bill because you drug your whiny ass to the hospital? Is that it?”

“Michael, my ribs were broken and I had a sprained wrist. The baby’s heartbeat was dangerously low. I’m sorry.”

“I’ll be there shortly,” he said, slamming down the phone.

Chloe was terrified to go home but felt she had no choice. Then Dr Stevens walked up.

“Chloe, are you sure you want to go home? I’m worried for you,” he said.

“I’ll be fine, really. Look Michael is here already. I better get out there.” She said.

“I’ll push your wheelchair out there for you.” The Dr said.

“No, please. I’ll walk out. Really it’s fine. Thank you.” Chloe said and then left out the automatic doors.

Dr Stevens watched and as Chloe got in and they drove away he saw her crying. His hands were tied, there was nothing he could do now.

As Chloe and Michael drove home he berated her and hit her several times. The fear she felt was palpable. When they got home he started slapping her around.

“Do I have to lock you in to keep you from running away!?” He screamed at her. “ I told you to never run from me again or I’d kill you! Well, I won’t kill you but I’ll make your life hell!” He yelled.

“Please, Michael, I just wanted to see a Dr, that’s all. I didn’t run away. I called you as soon as I was discharged.”

“You're damn lucky you did! But that doesn’t get you off the hook.” He said dragging her by her hair up the stairs to their bathroom.

He grabbed her and dragged her to the full tub that he filled before he picked her up. Twisted his fingers in her hair and stuck her head under water. Then he pulled it up. It put it back in again before Chloe could catch her breath. Then he pulled it out again.

“Are you ever going to run again?” he asked.

“No!” She screamed, trying to catch her breath. “I promise.”

He dunked her again and held her there until he felt she was almost out of air. When he pulled her out and let go of her she fell to the floor crying.

“Get supper on the table, I’m hungry.” Michael said walking away.

Chloe caught her breath, changed her clothes and dried off and went down to the kitchen. She was in a daze from what Michael had just done. Her head hurt and she felt weak and I’ll to her stomach. She wondered what to throw together and then remembered that Martha told her she had some Chicken Tetrazzini made up ahead to help her out when she saw her in the hospital a couple days ago.

Michael didn’t know she came of course. She opened the fridge and found it and stuck it in the oven and started to make a spinach salad for them. She put in some apples, feta, dried cranberries, toasted walnuts and scallions as well as some mandarins.

She made a vinaigrette of olive oil, balsamic vinegar, salt, garlic powder, pepper, Dijon mustard, and a bit of maple syrup. By this time the Chicken was done.

Chloe walked into the living room where Michael was having a drink and reading.

“Michael supper is on the table.” She said still weak from almost being drowned.

“About time,” he said, standing up and going to the kitchen.

They only used the dining room when guests were over.

“I apologize for how long it took,” Chloe said quietly and her head down.

They ate in complete silence. When they were done Chloe cleaned up the dishes and the kitchen. She went upstairs and got ready for bed. When Michael crawled in, he rolled over to her and started to very roughly have sex with her. By this time Chloe had decided she wouldn’t fight back anymore, it only got her hurt. She laid there and waited for him to be done. She then rolled over and silently cried herself to sleep.

[gatsby-system-folks]

I've got 4 recipes hereeeee

Are you telling me a mixed vegetables fried this rice

Get your vegetables. I used frozen vegetables like a loser but any vegetables oughtta work. Steamed broccoli would be good. Green beans, carrots, and corn was what I used and it slapped.

Make some rice (boil water, add about half as much rice with the understanding that rice grows, simmer for for 10-15 minutes or until it's about as soft as you want it LOOK AT ME: POKE IT WITH A SPOON DO NOT TOUCH THE BOILING RICE WITH YOUR FINGER, fluff and serve)

Butter a frying pan and heat it

Put the rice and veg in the frying pan and let them heat up for a short while. They'll sound pretty when it's ready.

Then crack in an egg.

And scramble it.

I always make my fried rice pretty soft cooked but you can get it crispy if so desired

Easy on the soy sauce. Use sesame seed oil too.

In total, including clean up and buffer time it takes about an hour, but it could take longer or shorter depending on how fast you cook.

Boujee botato burrito

This one's stupid

But it tastes GOOD

Prepare some steak fries however you like to prepare stake fries. I deep fry and my mama bakes them. Air fryer, pan fried, cooked over an open flame idc.

Get a tortilla. Not a tiny one either, we're working with steak fries here.

Here me out. I know this is stupid but AMERICAN CHEESE is actually best in this case. It's got a good texture. And juuuust enough flavor to compliment and give the burrito a little grounding without becoming a main aspect of the dish.

So put your tortilla on your Large Heating Surface Of Choice, I use a grill but whatevers big enough, a frying pan would work, and toast it and melt the cheese a little.

Then put on your fries.

Then, and I need a citation for this because I do not know the exact combination of herbs but use Cajun seasoning. Look up badia cajun seasoning and use that. Or season to taste, you want a slightly sweet and spicy blend, kinda like the seasoning on a barbecue chip but more Green and Yellow

Then top it with romaine lettuce and wrap it.

Or other lettuce or maybe spinach, but you don't want to overload the flavor.

This one takes much less time, the longest part is cooking the fries, I'd say about 20 minutes total, even with clean up.

It tastes.. in the same ballpark as a gyro. Not the same at all, but like if a gyro had a cousin from Weeki Wochi Springs (and... that's pretty accurate actually. As someone who is intimately familiar with the Really Sweaty parts of florida and is reasonably familiar with our next door flood buddy (louisianna) and the food from both places. Look if you've ever been to Natchitoches, LA and try food from there you'll know what I mean)

Thor's comfort food

That's a fucking stupid name sorry

It's soup. So we're clear.

This is borderline stew, and is something to make to feed you for several days, it's very hearty.

And this is a leftover soup! But it doesn't have to be you can make it fresh if you want to.

But chop up some fries and chicken (I used leftover steak fries and chicken tenders, which have a story behind them but not for here, I'm not that southern)

Put them in a deep pot with some butter to start getting them warm. The chicken needs to be all the way cooked beforehand, this is where the leftover part comes in handy. The steak fries less so but yk

When they're warm and popping a little, add a can of cream of chicken soup, milk, cheddar and mozzarella cheese, SALT, chili seasoning, a shake of Tony chachere's, (that's pronounced SaShaRay's if you wanna ask for it at a grocery store), and a dash of honey mustard.

Let it warm and mingle on high heat until it tastes super good.

Put aside and make some rice (sea above). Yellow or brown rice would be SO GOOD with this, especially yellow rice. I only had white on hand tho loll

Mix the rice into the soup, and heat it up again to serving temp.

I'd serve it with some nutty bread. Not pumpernickel or white bread. Rye would be good. Or even just some standard wheat bread. Maybe some cheddar biscuits or cornbread lol.

This one takes much longer just by nature, I'd give it an hour to an hour and a half, clean up included.

This one doesn't have a name right now lol

Goat cheese

Blueberries

Honey

Rosemary if you're a homestuck (or have good taste in herbs)

Put it in a (oven safe) bowl or even straight on some thick bread (foccacia would work well. That's fecasha if you've never seen the word written out. Horse divorce).

Put it in the oven, or better, a toaster oven (not a microwave)

Heat it until the berries and goat cheese get soft

Blend it all together

Serve..

It takes maybe 15mins

[rubykgrant]

if I want a burger, I'm MAKING it-

Ground beef, on a plate mix with garlic salt/pepper, a little bit of A1 steak sauce and mustard

Mush it up, make the patties

If I want to cook it inside, I put them in a big cooking pan, a little pit more garlic salt/pepper on the bottom of the pan. After I flip them over, I add chopped up mushrooms and red onion to simmer with the burgers (if they have enough grease on their own that works, if not a little bit of butter/margarine/cooking oil)

Near the end, I shred some cheese (I like cheddar best), place the amount I want on the burgers, and put a lid over the pan so the cheese melts

I like the Artisan Bread buns because they are very fluffy, but whatever is the personal favorite. Once the burgers/onions/mushrooms are done, I take them out and set them aside on a plate. I place the buns in the cooking pan for a bit to lightly toast them

If I want to cook them outside, I use my little mini camping BBQ, make sure the grill is clean, light the briquettes in a small pile (sorry Hank Hill... I use propane for the kitchen, though), and wait for them to be mostly pale before spreading them out evenly, put the grill on so it gets hot, then add the patties

I put the lid on for a few minutes, then check them to see if they are ready for a flip. After I flip them, I add a small amount of BBQ sauce to each (I rotate through different brands, but like ones that are both sweet and spicy). Again, I add shredded cheese near the end, and put the lid on the grill so it melts on the patties

Once they are done, I take them off the grill and put them on a plate. I take the buns outside and put them on the grill (now with low coals) to lightly toast them. I like chopping up raw red onions for the BBQ burgers (don't know why, just how I prefer the combo of flavors/textures. I'm weird, I know)

For condiments in either versions, I like to put ketchup on the top bun, spread mayo on the bottom with a swirl of mustard across the mayo (no, I don't know why. OK, I like the ketchup to touch the cheese first, and I like the way the yellow/white of the mustard/mayo looks. I SAID I WAS WEIRD). For the inside burgers, I like to eat the mushrooms/onions on the side, but they could be added as burger toppings. When I wave the BBQ burger, I usually like to slice up an avocado to eat on the side (with a little dash of salt/pepper)

The ones cooked inside are almost like eating small delicious steaks that you can just bite into, and the ones cooked on the BBQ is the epitome of a cookout burger

Best version of these is eaten with a milkshake, and best version of a milkshake is; french vanilla ice cream, chocolate syrup, and a banana (my favorite it Breyer's ice cream and Hershey chocolate syrup, but whatever works for you). Obviously, avoid anything that might cause issues with allergies/other health and dietary problems

Favorite things to have with burgers; Ore-Ida golden oven fries (cooked following instructions, but sprinkled with a little salt/pepper/paprika), corn on or off the cob (white sweet corn or peaches-n-cream corn), spiced peaches (I don't like to add sugar, but I do add cinnamon/nutmeg), black olives (I can eat the whole can in a bowl)