#how the hell am i coping???
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sick(?)
#messyr#doodle#vent art#?? well not really! just skl#coping through drawing bc its what keeps me from rotting in bed#my body cant keep up fjdshzhl and i just feel worse every time i try to 'function' even as basic tasks it makes me want to throw up AAAAH#this artist does not KNOW how to take care of themselves help help help help fsdjxhf#how am i supposed to fkin tell my dad nor my relatives im just so- PHYSICALLY- and MENTALLY TIRED without it perceived as lazy or an excuse#same goes to my professors bc ive been missing out ALOT in school lately and my classmates are also probably wondering where the hell I am#( group activities etc etc i want to km s - I've failed TWO MAJOR SUBJECTS BC OF HOW IVE BEEN DOING-AAAAAAAAAH)#if not physically then its my noisy ass brain that spirals me into depressive episodes where I literally cant do jackshit about
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'The Kiss' Solas X Lavellan
'His kiss. Soft and sweet, honeyed with words of gentle poison.'
Inspired by one of my favourite paintings of Klimt.
Acrylic ink and colored pencil on paper.
#How the scene at crestwood should have ended#It's like a little solavellan art factory over here#Should I be conderned that I spend all my free time drawing these two lost souls? I just can't help it.#I'm trying to cope okay#by sharing my suffering#solavellan#solavellan hell#my fanart#my art#dragon age inquisition#poetry#original artwork#inspired by klimt#illustration#I am suffering okay#I should probably make this into a print#solas x female lavellan#solasmance#solas x inquisitor#da: inquisition#dai#I'm not crying#dragon age dreadwolf#solas#inquisitor lavellan#ah
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I’m going to paint you a picture of modern communication, and how it is fundamentally broken.
Let’s look at one friend. You chat pretty much everyday, and mostly talk to this person on twitter and discord, with occasional tumblr DMs. That’s three places you talk. But that’s actually not true, because you also have each other’s priv twitters and talk there as well. That’s four. Now account for, let’s say, one post reply per account per person, in addition to your DMs. That’s eight. But that’s ALSO not true, because not only do you talk in discord DMs with each other, but you’re in a friend group server as well! And you talk in those channels together! That’s nine.
This is one friend.
Now look around you. How many friends, how many mutuals are you in contact with. A few, a handful, a dozen, more? How many accounts per person do you have, how many places can you send each other posts, devolve into separate topics and conversations? How many people text you as well. Friends, family, coworkers? What do you do day to day around catching up, what IRL commitments will rip you away long enough to let the pile build again?
I can’t do it. I cannot live an actual life in the real world and balance this much interaction, it’s crushing. I reply to a friend’s post because I’m interested in the subject, I want to have a discussion! I WANT to talk about it with them, but I immediately kick myself for adding another conversation to the pile. Day by day, I ignore messages for hours on end and watch mountains pile around me, to reply en masse at the end of the night to let the cycle repeat. I wake up to six discord DMs and as I clear the third, the first replies back again.
We weren’t meant to have thirty simultaneous conversations. We weren’t. And you know in your bones that the number isn’t an exaggeration.
#hush catríona#this is essentially copy pasted from my twt last week but made a touch more coherent#iiiii spiral about this pretty regularly. i think this is the 4th or 5th time ive gone on this spiel bc its agonizing#i feel horrific guilt for ignoring messages for so long. and its absolutely voluntary. but i cant FUNCTION like this i cant DO it#i have friends where we talk Every Single Day and i LOVE them so much. so unfathomably much. but it KILLS me#hell take my roomie for example. one of my fav ppl in the world. we text- twit dm- discord dm- ig dm- reply to posts. thats five right?#i guess!!! but we also LIVE TOGETHER. i see them in real life and talk to them out loud with my voice and its still this much to add on!!!!#and i feel like nobody else talks abt this shit and it makes me feel crazy. am i the only person completely debilitated by this???#i dont want this to come across as like ‘boohoo we get it ur sooo popular’ that is NOT what this post means#i think a lot of ppl big acct or small. fandom or otherwise. talk to a dozen ppl online. and i dont get how anyone copes#this is agony. and every single time i ever make a post? its another opportunity to add to the pile#i only reply to comments on posts on twt and this is why. i cant DO it i cant keep up. i see every tag and im so grateful but i cant ever#reach out. i cant add to the pile. theyre already taller than me
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Don't mind me just
Smacks Gregory over the head with burnt out gifted kid syndrome™
#am i self projecting?#nooooo#okay maybe a little#but just hear me out i could do a whole ass ramble about how this could work#Gregory putting a fuckton of pressure on himself to be perfect to uphold the reputation of the 4.0 gpa hes oh so proud of#so hes determined to be perfect at everything even if that means overworking himself to achive the results#you could even make the argument that his parents expect him to be some sort of prodigy or smth if you wanna go that route#so because of their expectations or (what he interprets as) the expectations of his peers he just puts more pressure on himself and#FUCKKK SOMEONE TELL HIM ITS OKAY TO MAKE MISTAKES PLEASE PLEA SE#ack sorry im rambling here but yeee#i guess you could say they have great expecta-💥💥💥#okay now im done#sorry if this ramble seems ooc or smth just#hell yeahhh pushing my feelings onto a fictional character to cope :'D#South park#south park headcanon#i need to make a tag for my own headcanons tbh#Gregory of yardale#sp gregory#sp foreign kids
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[punches the wall] the tv show has a limited runtime and your favorite moments from the campaign will likely not be included [punches the wall] the tv show has a limited runtime and your favorite moments from the campaign will likely not be included [punches the wall] the tv show has a limited runtime and your favorite moments from the campaign will likely not be included [punches the wall] the tv show has a limited runtime and your favorite moments from the campaign will likely not be included [punches the wall] the tv show has a limited runtime and your favorite moments from the campaign will likely not be included [punches the w
#if i think about how the raven queen/percy convo will probably be cut out and i will start weeping#if i think about how the show has fumbled percy and keyleth's friendship i will start projectile vomiting blood#it's FINE#i am FINE#they are TELLING A DIFFERENT STORY and the SHOW IS VERY WELL DONE and I AM ENJOYING IT A LOT except for when#i REMEMBER MY FAVORITE THINGS FROM THE CAMPAIGN AND HOW THEY WON'T GET PUT IN THE SHOW and i DIE#i need to turn off my campaign brain knowledge this is fucking killing me THE SHOW IS SO GOOD AND FUN#except for the fact MY FAVORITE PARTS OF THE STORY ARE NOT THERE i need to shoot myself#hell on earth#cr#cr1#tlovm spoilers#my fellow percy keyleth enjoyers is it coping too far to think they will start developing their friendship after percy and vex get together#bc they were too afraid of ppl shipping percy and keyleth so they had to wait#is that coping too hard#am i just crazy
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the thing that scares me most about tiktok getting banned is the slight chance they migrate to tumblr and tumblr live is reinstated
#no how would i cope listening to people around me ask for my tumblr so casually#like no bitch don't say it#this isn't tiktok this is crazy bitch tube#you are NOT getting my tumblr#IMAGINE IF THEY DO THE 'find your contacts!' THING#I WOULD NOT SURVIVE#bc no way in hell am i making my acc private (it's not even a feature rn) but also i will take this tumblr to the GRAVE#tiktok#kosa#tiktok ban#tumblr migration#tumblr live#fuck tiktok
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The queers are here and they are filled with fear
#oddito ramblinos#yes this is about sonic prime and me making a sonadow joke to cope dont judge me#i am sHaKiNg! Oh how i am shaking on my fjckkingg hell#sonadow#sonic prime season 3#sonic prime spoilers#technically at least
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grief will have you saying shit like goddamn and fuck maybe the abuse was worth it
#ive made this post before i just cant find it and it’s all im feeling rn#god i miss my parents so fucking much even though they were the cause of SO MANY of my problems that idk if i’ll ever heal from#but navigating life w this grief and without their support- however little it was- feels like hell#but the abuse felt like hell too.#ive said it before but i was JUST getting to a place where i felt i could stand up for myself and knock down thwir shit a few pegs. or at#least become more resistant to it#i saw a future with them in it for the first time in my LIFE#and it was bc i’d done SO MUCH FUCKING WORK. and now i feel like it was all so fucking useless#it’d be easier if i was still in the phase of anger i was at like 19#but i’d processed that quite a bit and was trying to move on#FUCK. i had made SO much goddamn progress right before my mom got sick#then everything went down the toilet cus i cannot fucking have anything#it’s so unfair. i wish i could at least redo the last 3 years of my life#i would’ve done things so much different but i was so traumatized and still so angry and bitter and trying to preserve myself#ive come to the realization tjat the person i am today did not exist back then and therefore i shouldnt beat myself up bc it literally wasnt#available to me. i couldnt have done anythimg different bc i was in such a state of survival#and truthfully ive grown a lot since then even if im still in the trenches#the timeline of my entire life has been so fucking unfair#and i dont know how to reconcile any of it i dont know how to cope with my worst fears coming true#and i mean worst fears. even the way they passed. spot on to my worst fears#i despised what they did to me but i still didnt see life without them until i was at least 30#it was all so sudden and quick and shocking#yeah they were horrible parents but i was a horrible kid too. maybe i straight up just deserved that shit#and i’d go back to that and seeing a future with them in an instant#over this bullshit#it’s so hard. and then losing all my pets too at the SAME TIME. all my babies#everything that i loved ripped away from me in the span of MONTHS#it’s all too much. l oh fucking l. no wonder im 3 shots deep at fucking 3 pm#it just hurts so bad. so fucking bad.
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New projection headcanon because why not
Alastor and Lucifer both have joint problems, especially in their legs. Alastor’s come from how long it took him to get used to having deer legs and hooves, while Lucifer’s are a permanent injury from his fall made worse by having to get used to his demon form. It's easy for both of them to dislocate something (in fact Lucifer’s kneecaps occasionally slip out of place) because Alastor’s struggles to get used to his demon form and Lucifer’s fall caused their connective tissue to deteriorate.
#hazbin hotel#hazbin hotel alastor#alastor the radio demon#hazbin hotel lucifer#hazbin hotel headcanon#i have what is suspected to be eds and this is how im deciding to cope with it#an 'i am suffering so my faves will suffer with me' type of thing#ive also thought a few times about alastor having eds in life. maybe this is how he ends up with something similar in hell
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It's insane how most of the time I don't get how ppl interact and I also Don't Fucking Care
#vent ig#i wish i could#but unfortunately i havent had the occasion of sharing one of my interest with you in the past three months and when i did it didnt go as i#wanted and now we're supposed to talk through smalltalks except i dont know how to do those so im awkward as hell and unconsciously cut the#short and now im being hated (?) even tho that wasnt my intent#but i guess no matter how trustful i am i just look like a liar#and i cant even bring myself to care bc how am i supposed to explain myself when youre convinced what i say is a lie#we werent even supposed to be this close so sorry if im stiff. i tried to get along but i just cant#the never ending circle between 'i want to have ppl to interact with being alone to experience this world is exhausting and dreadful' and#'im not even remotely interested by any of you'#its different on tumblr bc i can curate my own experience & nobody comes @ me when i dont interact with them for days or weeks (BC IVE GOT#NOTHING TO SAY) and its okay and its normal and we dont have to do the 'hi how are you wyd' script every single time (sure we can check up#on each other once in a while but it doesnt become a script. it feels genuine.)#anyway. im so normal. i can def care about ppl that have never been as insane as me about something we both love(d at some point)#am pretty sure i developed 'i perceived you saying/thinking One(1) bad thing about me and now i dont care at all about your existence' as#a child as a coping mechanism but goddammit i feel like an asshole everytime it happened#i hate feeling apathetic#and i hate lying too so i cant just say shit to reassure them when i dont mean them#cant tell them im sorry about how my behavior is perceived when im so damn tired and would rather they disappear of my life
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I just now finished the episode bc I could not handle!!! Anything after Vax showing up!!!!! But holy shit they got Keyleth there as BAIT???? Is that going all the way back to the assassination attempt??? Trying to get Vax for a piece of divinity???????? Did their whole ass god releasing plan hinge on vax loving keyleth so much he shows up to protect her from death????????????
#critical role#bells hells#cr3#cr spoilers#counterspelling posts#did matthew mercer consider my emotions when he did this?????????#how am i supposed to cope??????????#i actually screamed when matt said cloak of feathers!!!!!!#this is pie in the sky never gonna happen#but i want this to end with vax's contract with the raven queen being over#bc he's given his life in service to her#and keyleth getting to cast a full true reincarnate#to get him back
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ARTFIGHT REFS FINALLY DONE!! ft little design notes in my dogshit handwriting. I'm genuinely very proud of the drawings I did for these so take a look! there's a lot of little details in there. also you may notice that poor torr and efri look a little swagless and this is because I ran out of time... they did not get new art like everyone else. so sad. anyway here's my artfight (same name because I hate picking new things.) I will meet you on the battlefield! goodnight!
#dude you don't know how fucking sleepy I am. it's bedtime GOODNIGHT#can't believe I stayed up an hour trying to cope with the slow ass loading#when I could have just done it tomorrow morning. god.#arghh#ah well. they look sick as hell and that's all that matters#oc tag#efri#arabella#torr#caelestis#dovahkiin#pax#the elder scrolls#tesblr#skyrim#my art#tes#oblivion#morrowind#fay draws#art fight#bosmer#dunmer#nord#imperial#cyrod#cyrodiil#character reference#fanart#hero of kvatch
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i am speechless 🫠
#i genuinely think i will need to completely reevaluate being online because it is impossible to be online now without getting bombarded by#world news and i just cannot cope with how fucking dismal things are getting#it will still happen regardless of if i know about it or not#and maybe it’s best if i just don’t know what’s going on anymore#i have felt my heart in my chest for too long now and i am concerned i’ll give myself a stress related heart condition 🙃#america is a stupid country. the economy isn’t going to get better under trump and i hope everyone that voted for him for that loses their#house. ❤️#and i hope everyone that would have voted for her that didn’t bc of a ‘protest vote’ feels like a fucking idiot and rots in every hell#i hate this country and i hate people#bye
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I will not stop talking about my meds. I got home yesterday with the intent to clean my guinea pig's cage and I actually did it. I washed and cut my hair after that and didn't feel like I wasted my evening. I need to make phone calls today and the dread of not knowing how long it's gonna take isn't hanging over me bc frankly it feels like time has slowed down. I'm actually cooking breakfast with what handful of groceries I have left and then I'm gonna buy more and actually plan a few meals. Life could be a dream
#i am at what i am led to believe is a normal person baseline. and i have coped for so long to achieve while not there.#i think i could learn a new language in the span of a month with how i've been feeling lately#literally the only downside so far is that i've been thirsty as hell but that's probably good for my POTS so??#have also been noticing when i'm hungry and have actually been eating more; i'm getting breakfast every day!!#i was doing that before but i've actually been keeping it up for a week or 2 now!!#gonna try to start adding in some exercise to help my joints; got a 3 pound weight at work bc It Was Right There#and wanna try doing planks again; saw a tip from someone's dentist about flossing that was like#pick one day of the week to do it and try to do it on that day every time; then pick a 2nd day to do it#and i think i wanna go that route; might open comms bc i feel like i can physically keep up with them now#we're gonna have to fucking SMITE me at this point to get me to stop#shai speaks
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We love to wash down the highly chaotic Limited Life day with some fresh sips of tea, curses and dresses in Empires. Gotta drink something after all that bread, right?
#Nature Wives fans how we doing after this one? I'm heartbroken#I swear you can't get a second of peace when you're this deep into mcyt#how the hell am I supposed to cope?#everyone was fabulous though goddamn#Empires SMP#Empires season 2#Limited Life#Life Series#I'll... I'll lay down for a minute#TEV Talk
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crazy how i have no one
#like yes i have my internet friends and i adore them ofc#but i have no fucking one irl#and i mean no one. my mom’s side of the family is all dead and the other side is uber christian and doesnt give a fuck about us#i only have my brother#and i need help and support so horribly bad but i wasnt there for him when he needed me#so why the hell should he be there for me. he shouldnt#im going to have to rely on myself this time and i cant do that#i dont trust or believe in myself whatsoever#i think im fucking horrible and useless and repulsive#and idk how to be nice to myself bc ive never felt that and i dont know how to self soothe#i dont have the energy physically or mentally or emotionally to learn#and idk what to lean on anymore if i want to quit abusing substances#realized recently how much i do that.#and for how long. a decade. ive been acting like a 13 yo this whole time#idk how to move past and grow up. god i absolutely need to see my therapist again. if she’ll have me#i fear ill be rejected tho ive left and came back several times and last time she said ‘ofc ill take you back youre my person’#whatever that means. ive been an anomaly to every therapist/psych ive been to apparently they all mention how weird i am and how they cant#figure me out. like damn me too doc!#i want to email her so bad but i wont be able to see her until my insurance goes thru and i dont want to get free labor out of her if i dump#all the trauma ive sustained since i last saw her on her yw#but i want to get better i dont want to live like this anymore i cant do it#any of it#my coping mechanisms are all self destructive and i want to grow past that#but i need help and i dont have it. not really#whatever i guess. first step call and see wtfs going on w my insurance#i feel like i need help even for that . i feel so utterly incapable of everything snd i always have#i can do it. i can do it
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