#how the fuck are people who work suppose to do any paperwork

[callmemajo]

I hate this fucking country so much

[greg-montgomery]

I would love a fic about Reid’s friend coming to visit him at work and as soon as Hotch lays eyes on her it’s love at first sight. But she’s like really girlie and bubbly so the rest of the team is so confused as to why Hotch is so whipped for her :)

“She said that to you?”

“Yeah…I mean the audacity of some people,” you said shaking your head. “I’ve had enough of her. And I promise you, next time I’m telling our manager.” As if to prove the harshness of your words you dropped on his desk a stapler you had been playing with to occupy your hands.

Spencer smiled, entertained as always from your stories involving your least favorite coworker.

“Anyway, enough with her. We can go now, right?”

“Yeah, just let me get all my stuff.”

A deep voice coming from behind you right before you opened your mouth stopped you from complaining. “Reid, that last report needs-

The fact that you turned around to search for the owner of that voice seemed to stop him from speaking any further.

You blinked softly at him melting under the man’s gaze. He was tall, handsome, and looked like he could easily kill you: just your type.  

“Hotch?” you heard your friend’s voice.

That was Hotch?

“You’re Hotch?

“Yeah,” he breathed out a laugh. “And you are?”

“Y/N,” Spencer introduced you to him. “Sorry, she’s just picking me up.”

“That’s alright,” Hotch replied to him while still looking into your eyes. “So I take it you’ve heard about me.”

“Only the best,” you giggled.

“Yes, I’m sure Reid has never complained to you about paperwork or having to work on a weekend,” he rolled his eyes, not entirely convinced.

“I haven’t!” Spencer defended himself.

Hotch laughed and a beautiful smile stuck on his face. No way this was the same man Spencer had talked to you about that ‘never smiled’ and ‘never blinked’.

“Um…you wanted to tell me something about a report?” your friend awkwardly positioned himself next to you trying to get Hotch’s attention.

“Right,” he said. “It’s…it’s fine. It can wait until tomorrow.”

“Oh, okay.”

--

“Do you see that?” Penelope whispered, grabbing Emily with one hand and JJ with the other.

“What is it?”

“Look,” she said pointing at you from afar.

“Who’s that?” Emily asked.

“And why is Hotch looking at her like he’s about to eat her?” JJ added.

“It’s Y/N, Reid’s best friend.”

“Oh…well good thing she’s not his girlfriend ‘cause…”

“Right?” Garcia said. “Oh my God, do you guys think they’re gonna fall in love? It would be so cute…they will start going on dates and we’re gonna get the weekends off!”

JJ tilted her head observing the pair of you. “You wouldn’t think that’s his type. She looks so…sunshine-y.”

“Well, I think that’s exactly what Hotch needs,” Emily said. “Some sunshine.”

--

“Why didn’t you tell me he was hot?” you asked when you were finally out of everyone’s sight.

“Who?”

“Hotch!”

“Ew…he’s like my dad!”

“To you!” you said opening your car door. “How am I supposed to drive now? My hands are shaking.”

“Because…of my boss?” Spencer asked, sounding confused.

You got into your seat and started giggling, covering your mouth with your hands. “Fuck,” you sighed moving your hands to cup your own cheeks feeling their heat. “This has never happened to me before. I think I just fell in love.”

Spencer gave you a side eye. “We’re still talking about Hotch, right?”

You bit your bottom lip and pulled a little card out of your pocket. “He gave me his number.”

“When did this even happen?”

“When you were putting your stuff in your bag.”

“So he likes you too?”

“I guess,” you smiled.

For a few moments the two of you stared at each other before bursting out in laughter.

“And I always thought Derek would be the one going after you.”

You let out a heavy sigh like a lovesick schoolgirl. “He’s really handsome, Spence.”

“He’s a good man too,” he said.

“So you approve?”

“I would never stand in the way between you and my father figure.”

“Shut up,” you laughed and started your car.

part 2

[gremlingottoosilly]

"If you need to be mean"

Konig just got his promotion to colonel. It also came with deployment in a terrorist-ridden country, but at least he would get an adorable, civilian you as a prize. TW: Konig being a huge pervert, Canon-Typical violence, Dub-Con, Innocence kink, Age difference(Konig in his yearly 40, Reader in young 20)

Pairing: Konig x fem!Reader Tags: Fluff, Power Imbalance, Hurt/Comfort, Size Kink, Possessive Konig, Yandere Konig, Creepy scary stalker Konig, written mostly from Konig perspective Word count: 5213 My AO3

Chapter 2 Chapter 3 Chapter 4 Chapter 5

König hates this fucking country.

Shithole in the middle of nowhere, with literally nothing going on – some border quarrels with some terrorists that are desperately trying to settle into the big war on terror that won’t achieve a thing and would be meaningless anyway. No one wanted to actually station here – this is why they promoted him so quickly, just so they could send him away like a pack of garbage they can’t give two shit about throwing out. 

He never even wanted this promotion. Too much work, too many people, never enough time to relax. Payment is sweet, of course – if he only had time to use any of this. He is too old for new titles, you can’t teach old dog new tricks – and, quite frankly, he does feel terribly old while doing nothing but pushing papers and listening to some useless fucking recruits with their reports. 

Job is simple – stay on the base, make sure that the locals won’t become too villifed to the soldiers that are supposed to protect them, even though he already knows how people would feel about the PMC stationed in their city. Fights with occasional resistance from the outsider force that decided “Hey, let’s just annex our neighbor, what could possibly happen?”. He doesn’t know a lot about this country – but if they have enough money to hire KorTac to help the local forces, he might be quite interested. If he only had energy for that anymore – between relentless paperwork and occasional yelling at his stupid fucking nonsense of rookie – seriously, it feels like they hired a bunch of edgy 12 year olds instead of normal soldiers. 

Job is simple and he finds himself bored to death because this isn’t what he enlisted for. He wanted to fight, to kill, to burden this urge to hurt people who once wronged him with someone who is – probably, maybe, somehow – deserve it. Not really a noble cause, but he stopped playing knight in shining armor once they used him as an infiltration weapon instead of what he actually wanted. All hopes and goals in his life were buried deep with his first sniper rifle – and rude comments about his inability to sit still, even though he is still as good at being a killing machine as a human being possibly can. 

— Sir! We, uh, have a problem to report. 

Gut. 

A problem – this sounds as exciting as it can be. Last time his brigade got a problem, it was about some new recruits falling down with stomach ache because of the forged alcohol they were drinking. Also that one time someone tried to burst their way into the base – not fun, since officers took care of him, but it was at least something to do except for reading and scrolling through various housing options like he actually has a use of buying something with more than one bedroom. Like someone would look at him and love him – enough to pass through some easy fling and start living with him. No one would do that – even his parents couldn’t. 

Still, the problem sounds exciting. Maybe, he could actually go on a mission instead of feeling useless. They promoted him just to pin on the wall like a trophy.

— Repost immediately, soldier. What is it? 

— A civilian, well…a civillina woman…lady, broke the curfew. 

And here it is. Not an unexpected attack from his enemies, not even a drunken fight that someone from his subordinates decided to join and ended up getting their asses kicked. Is this what years of service come to? Watching over some stupid club girls broking the easiest fucking rule to follow, like getting home at midnight is a completely alien experience for them. One of the things he hates about his rank – he is used like a public figure, giving speeches, trying so hard to come up with something other than “Ja, we will kick asses of everyone who tries to infiltrate your country, don’t worry” and then he has to act like he knows what he is doing. Which he obviously doesn’t. If there was a way to just give up his rank and become a shadow again, a monster under a terrorist’s bed, he would do it. Without even a second to think. 

— Send her to the police. We aren’t supposed to deal with…

Then comes the second guy – he doesn’t even remember his name, fuck this, he is supposed to be a father to his troops, or big brother at least, but he couldn’t give less of a fuck to someone weaker – inferior, smaller, someone who will die within a week or so in his first battle because apparently, higher-ups just love recruiting spineless teenagers now. 

Second guy comes to the room, holding someone very firmly by their hand – and König isn’t religious, he isn’t even sure when was the last time he was at any church, the little prayers his grandma used to sing is long forgotten for him, but he sees your face and almost believes in angels. 

König is too old for this shit, again, he hates this country, his team, his rank – then he looks at your face, the way it twists with fear and nervousness because of course, one of his dumb subordinates is holding you too tight and the softness of your flesh – why in the world you are wearing such light clothes, it’s night outside, you will catch a cold and he would give you his jacket, but that would drown you under the weight of it, and he don’t want you to smell the alcohol he has on his clothes, terrible coping mechanism with boredom, and he might just give you something else, maybe, like his shirt or a…

Wait a minute. 

He doesn’t even know your name, even though he is sure this is something gorgeous and would look perfect next to his last name, but he looks at your face and all the years of his military training is suddenly washed away because he can’t even muster a thing out of his mouth. Thank god no one is forcing him to stop wearing his hood – he wouldn’t be able to survive otherwise, not with how hot his face feels right now. You are nervous, this is obvious, since you broke the curfew and went on the streets past 11 pm. He should just bring you to the police, he isn’t even sure why his soldiers would bring some random civilian to the base. He immediately wants to give this private a raise – for bringing him a goddess walking on Earth. Angel, succubus, all of the fancy names and…it feels like he is going crazy. And he should compose himself. Be a good example of a rotten mercenary commander. 

— Why were you breaking the curfew, miss..?

He hates how squeaky his voice sounds, even after all the years in service he can’t get rid of that boyish tone and nervousness every time he is talking to women. All the fear is immediately washed away after you tell him your name – and it’s gorgeous, perfect, feels like something he can devour, something he can moan in the depth of the night while using his hand as a poor substitute for the warmth of your body. 

The pause lingers too much and he already suggests just…taking you. To further investigation. to see if you are really just an innocent person caught up in breaking the rules or an enemy spy – which would give him the perfect opportunity to interrogate you and hold you for a bit longer. He wants you to be a problem, actually – that would give him the authority to hold you here, to think about you in a way that won’t immediately make him a bad person. 

— Went to the pharmacy. Forgot about the time, I’m…I’m sorry. 

You look guilty and weak and nervous obviously – a good girl caught up in the reality of her home country now implementing new rules just so it won’t get annexed by their neighbor. He wants to protect you – or give you the real reason to be scared of him. He wants to be good, but you look too cold in those clothes and he wants to give you something more. Or warm you up in a different way – which makes him feel horrible, his skin crawls and hands are fidgeting again even though he is almost sure he forgot about that habit after a few trigger-happy moments with the enemies. 

— Pharmacies should be closed by this time. Why were you here so late? 

Soldier that brought you here left you with König – colonel, you saw him in the newspapers and on TV, some public speeches while concealing his face in various ways. You don’t trust him, don’t trust the mercenaries – how can you believe that they are going to save you if they don’t even dare to show their faces? He is even scarier in person – big, hulking, too muscular to feel safe, with something like a sack thrown over his head. You want to forget about the medicine you bought and just run away, but that would only mean outright saying that you are guilty. 

You brace yourself and try not to feel too small, but König just wants to wrap his hands around you and throw that weak body of yours on his shoulder. Not letting you go away. Ever.

— I…got lost. Sorry, I know what this looks like, but I just changed the apartment and…look, this is a bog misunderstanding. I have my documents, I’m local! Not some spy or anything, I promise. 

Too bad – you would have the opportunity to escape if you were an enemy. Some evil and wicked femme fattal that is here to seduce him and get the important information out of him – but if you are telling the truth and nothing, but a civilian, he isn’t sure that he could save you from…falling to his hands. It’s stupid, he should really just find someone to fuck, he is getting desperate over the first cute and gentle girl he saw in this place – but really, do he has a chance with a soldier if just a helpless weakling like you can make him kneel? He needs to compose himself. 

— You really shouldn’t be out so late. There is a reason the curfew is upheld. It saves you from the danger. 

— For now the only danger after midnight is your soldiers, apparently. 

Your breath hitches as you understand what you just said – god, who was holding your tongue and making you blurt this in front of the fucking commander? You might have had the chance of just escaping before, you weren’t doing anything wrong, you know that some of your friends were breaking the curfew after a party or late visits, but they were never held to the police or martial law – soldiers are understanding of the situation, no one from the young people actually wants to stay in their houses no matter the threats war can bring. You might have the chance of going out with nothing but some harsh words about those stupid younglings ignoring the rules – but now you insulted his men and this will probably bring you to jail for the night at least or something even more…

He laughs. And the sound of it makes your cheeks warm. 

— Ja, I can understand why you would say that. But you shouldn’t break the curfew. 

You feel like winning a lottery, but the prize isn’t money – it’s the chance of getting out of this creepy building and going home to your warm sheets and slight smells of devastation and loneliness. 

— I’m really sorry, sir, I won’t do this again. Promise. 

You look guilty, and König loves this expression. The softness of your face, the way your eyes are filled with tears when you think he would actually make you goto jail or do something even worse. He relishes in this power over you – even though he doesn’t mingle with civilians, always keeps a safe distance with women around him, never dares to even give them a careful look. He wants to take you away – protect from the world around you, from this fucking place, from all the dangers. The only thing that is dangerous to you seems like him – because he is the only one with power here, the only one who can decide whether he wants to behave like an asshole and lock you away or…

— I can’t just let you go. Let me…I can escort you to your residence so I can make sure you actually went home. And not somewhere else.

He looks at your pharmacy bag – it's a shitty plastic one, transparent and see-through. He understands immediately why you would decide to run to the pharmacy so abruptly even within the vicinity of the curfew – and the fact your bag contains pads and pain medicine only makes him want to scoop you in his arms and get you to his quarters. Government gave them a pretty nice location for the base and he, as the commander, got a bedroom that won’t even make you think about the military. Perks of quartering outside of base, even the barracks are nicer than the ones at home – and he would love to introduce your sore body to the comforts of warm sheets. 

You look at him, surprised and nervous, your adorable lips twists in a pout as you think about your options. You can’t really say no, this can make him angry and resentful – and these aren't emotions you want the local military personnel to feel about you. He is also scary, and stares too much – you don’t want him to look at you like this, both surprised and depraved, but something in his figure still makes you trust him. Maybe it’s that weird propaganda about them protecting your country – he is a public figure, he can’t be evil, right? Maybe it’s just the way his hands fidgets as if he is nervous about your answer – or little cracks in his voice that makes you blush just a little every time you hear it. Or you are simply too tired to not comply. 

— I, um…are you sure? You must have some other things to do. I don’t want to be a bother, really. 

— I want to protect you from harm. Nights are dangerous. 

You want to say that it’s okay, you spend more time in this country than he is – and you know every little corner of the city by this point, no matter the military outposts and destruction. You also want to say that this is creepy as fuck and you don’t want a random guy to just know where you live – but you can’t say that, you are already almost buried yourself with that long tongue of yours, and the only thing you want to do right now is just drink your ibuprofen in peace and get teleported to your bed. 

You want to say no, but it almost feels like something romantic and even though he isn’t showing his face, the view of his muscles, bursting out his clothes and body armor, enough to make you agree. You can regret that decisions later – but with the way his eyes light up like he is a puppy, you probably won’t. 

— Okay. I…I mean, if that’s okay with you, sir. 

— I live to serve. Und ich diene gerne jemanden, dir so bezaubernd ist wie du.

— Sorry?

It sounds like German, and the way he pronounces it makes you feel like it’s something important – but you don’t want to ask for translation, he mutters it under his breath, Maybe some curses about stupid girls getting caught by his soldiers and how he needs to escort them to make sure they are not enemy spies ready to put their knives in his back.

— Just show the way. 

He is awkward, he doesn’t know what to do with his hands, he looks at you and fights the urge to just squish you with his hands. You are pouting, your hands are trembling, and you are shaking – maybe from the cold or just from fear. König hates himself for not understanding whether he wants you to be scared of him or not. There is something dark, predatory almost, in having someone as adorable as you shaking like a leaf – but he also wants to just scoop you in his hands and make sure you will never be afraid of him. 

He is awkward, silent, he goes on the open side of the sideroad like protecting you from any vehicles that may cross the road at this hour – even though the only ones who are allowed to move at this time of day are hospital workers and his soldiers. His hand looms over your side, like he is not sure whether he wants to just grab you by your shoulder or allow you to lead in a more simple way. You feel protected in a way – you can’t even read his expressions because of that weird mask he is wearing, but his eyes are strangely warm every time he looks at you and thinks you are not looking at him. 

König wants to talk, but he isn’t sure what he even can say to you. The weather is nice? It’s the night, a cold one, and he doesn’t want you to catch some weird illness, but he also doesn’t want to seem like a creep by giving you his jacket. He would do so in a blink of an eye, he would die seeing your smaller body wrapped in his clothes like a nice little gift – but he knows who he is. Monster, giant, always too much and never enough, zero experience with someone who is one his one night stand in some lousy pub when he hates himself a bit less than usual. And you smell clean, civilian, sweet almost, he feels like a dog by just looking at the way your cheeks are blushing from the cold weather. 

He wants to initiate the conversation, know what you like and dislike, maybe learn your opinion about the situation – many locals dislike military presence, he understands this, KorTac isn’t known for being the best guys around here, but they get the job done, however bloody this might be. He would give away anything to just be able to talk – to speak like a normal person, without scaring you or making you think that he is weird. It’s borderline embarrassing, over the many years of his life he was thinking that he would outgrow his anxiety somehow – and here he is, fidgeting with the stupid anti stress toy in his pocket that his therapist gave him, not knowing how to talk to a girl in his grown up years. 

— You’re local.

It doesn’t even sound like a genuine question, it’s more like a threatening statement and he doesn’t like the way it sounds. He can’t gave it back now, it would be even weirder, he just wants to calm down and breathe, but even this is fucking impossible when every time he looks at you, it seems like you are only getting prettier.

— Lived here all my life, sir. 

You’re nervous, and he at least finds some comfort in this – he is not the only one who is scared here, even though he understands that you will surely be more scared than him. But it still comforts him just a little, knowing that you are in roughly the same boat – he can smile under his hood and attempt to at least pretend to be normal. Even if this would be literally impossible for someone like him. 

— Where do you work? 

It sounds like an interrogation and you are not sure if you want to answer truthfully – he isn't trying to force you right now, he isn’t even touching you no matter how closely you are walking, but you are smart enough to understand why telling a random man you just met where you live and work is a bad idea. Even if the man itself is a prominent figure in protecting – or not – your country and literally walks you home because you got lucky to not be sent to the police for breaking the curfew. You would just lie to him about where you work and, hopefully, never see him again – but it’s not just a random guy you met on Tinder. He probably has the resources to check if you really work in said place and if you didn’t and just lied to him then, well…he isn’t threatening you, but your overthinking is enough to make you scared. 

— Just a waitress. Cafe I work at isn’t very far from my apartment. 

You even tell him the address, all while praying he won’t visit you at work. He has the right, of course, especially if he would leave a good tip, but military personnel staying at your cafe probably won’t be good for business. Clients may go away, and that would mean leaving you without tips – and then you can kiss your shitty apartment goodbye. He probably won’t visit you, he is just asking this to fill the awkward silence and check whether you are a spy or not – how confident your answers are, if your story checks out or not. He is a colonel, he must have a lot of other stuff to do instead of chasing over some rule breakers. 

— Hm. 

König already knows where he will be eating every day from now on. But…hell, can he do this, really? It would probably be very awkward for both of you, and you may think that is stalking you, which he definitely is, but doesn’t want to show it yet. He can give you a nice tip every time, he sure as hell has money for it, but then you would think that he is trying to buy you, which he would of course try to if you would be fine with it because honestly, girl as adorable as you should get all the nicest thing she wants to, and he can provide for it, but his damned awkwardness would never let him outright say this, which would lead to a very uncomfortable situation and…

— We might need someone local to help with operations. 

Nailed it. Right? 

— Wh…what do you mean, sir? 

You look scared, nervous, he doesn’t want you to be scared, you’re supposed to feel safe around him! He might hate higher ups for giving him this rank and sending him to this fucking country, but he will protect you no matter what. He wants to be useful, for people to stop being scared of him – to start liking him instead, even if some cold, dismissive way of just stopping bothering him with stupid stuff. He would allow you to bother him all the time, he would protect you and make sure you are alright – you just have to let him, that would be really easy and…

— We’re strangers here. Lots of operations crossed because locals refuse to cooperate. We might need a guide out here. 

He sounds nonchalant, like he doesn’t really care about your answer, but the grip of his hands is stating otherwise. He throws you nervous looks, cold eyes flickering with anxiety as you take your time to answer, secretly hoping that you would get home before you’d had to state this. It doesn’t feel like a genuine question, more like a statement again. More like you don’t really have an option to say no, since he still has the power over you. Since he still looks and sounds like someone who can and will throw you over his shoulder and use it as a cannon folder. 

— I…I’m not sure, sir. I have to work at my actual job. 

Can he blow up your cafe? That would greatly diminish the chances of bumping into you on a romantic Sunday morning, ordering coffee just the way you secretly like it, and then leaving you a very generous tip that would immediately show you what a sophisticated and loaded gentleman he is. He can say that enemies did it, and then he would execute those poor people for ever messing with civilians. He can also get some people from the government to close it, so you wouldn’t have any place to work and then you would be simply forced to work with him – and help him get out of this country as soon as possible. He would pay you well, of course, and being your boss would be a very…interesting experience for him. 

— Are you sure?

You bite your lips and it's proven to be a horrible idea in such terrible weather – your skin breaks easily and you feel the blood in your mouth. Nice – now you would have to invest in lip balms again even though you are sure as hell that even yesterday the weather was nice. Colonel – König, you remember his callsign, no names of course, some twisted secret identity over protecting people who can literally kill you and won’t have consequences – look at you and you can swear to god that his eyes are narrowed, studying your features a bit more. Is he going to kill you for refusing the…job offer? Demand of working with mercenaries to protect your country? 

— Sorry, I…I really need to think about this. And get at least two weeks notice from my job. 

He is too focused on the way blood is glistening on your lips. He wants to lift the lower half of his hood and lick every little drop lingering in your mouth. Kiss this little wound until you would turn into a moaning, crying mess under him. Hold you so tight, he would leave bruises in places his fingers were – all while you are allowing him to. He isn’t delusional enough to think you like him the way he adores you already, but he is delusional enough to imagine you would comply with him mostly – he is a great person. Except for almost everything, of course. 

The road to your home is lonely, no one around, obviously. People aren’t breaking the curfew on the main streets – except for you, apparently, they are tending to do stuff in the shadows if they need something to go out at night. He looks at every street light with suspicion, almost wanting for someone to try and attack you – that would allow him to be your hero, protector, to put out all of his pent-up aggression on someone else while being praised for it. He wants someone to try and kill him just to feel a bit more alive – but then you stop in front of the house, and it only takes one look for him to decide that no, he isn’t going to let you go that easily. He may not be a good or even decent person, but he is not allowing an adorable little thing like you to live in that fucking rathole. 

— You live here? 

— Yes. Thank you for, well, looking after me. I know that I broke rules, I won’t…won’t do that again. Sorry. 

— No. 

— What do you mean “No”?

Is he going to inspect your apartment? You are pretty sure that you left your bed in a very chaotic state and there is more than one pair of panties lying on the couch. Not even speaking about how horrible your living conditions are – tiny apartments, barely enough space for one person fitting in 20 square feet with all of their stuff inside, and an overwhelming desire to blow something up each morning when one of your neighbors is fighting again. 

You don’t have anything to hide, but you are getting pretty tired of people who just think that because they sold their bodies to the military, they can do what they want. 

— It’s a horrible place for a girl to live. 

Hey! You might hate your place, but even that rathole of an apartment doesn't deserve something like this. 

— Well, it’s not a castle, but…I manage. 

— Don’t you have another place to sleep? 

He is fighting with the urge to invite you to the base instead. Far greater place for a little goddess like you, much nicer than…this. He has to physically restrain himself from throwing a hand on your shoulder. He just stared, hoping that you would pull a prank on him and actually has some better living conditions – he can’t bear thinking about you in that kind of life instead. 

— It’s a nice one, really! At least I don’t have to live with roommates. 

He can be your roommate. No, not even like this. He can buy you a freaking house if you would want, just pick a place, preferably in Austria, and that would be easy. He would love to just provide for you, to get to live with someone as adorable – as in need of protection as you. He understands that being this delusional is off brand even to him and his wild fantasies, but he spends too much time hating his work lately, and he needs some outlets, breathing room to just drown himself in fantasies about a nice girl who can actually like him. Who can be his everything, a cure to fix him even though his therapist says such expectations from your partner are toxic and codependent. 

He knows that he can’t say anything to you right now. If anything, you would dismiss any of his worries and just call him a psycho – would be right, probably, he doesn’t even know why he is so obsessed with your safety all of a sudden. He is only self-reflective enough to understand that he can’t act right now, no matter how much he would want to. He can only sigh and let the situation go, for now. He can always just show up at the place you work at. Totally not creepy at all, definitely, completely. 

— Be safe, hase. This time is very dangerous for a girl like you. 

— It’s…okay, really. You don’t have to worry about me, sir. 

Oh, but he wants to. 

Oh, but you want to run up the stairs and close the door behind you as fast as you possibly can. And maybe, just maybe, give him your number – definitely for consultation about the safety and how you can forfeit from breaking the curfew later in life. 

He puts a hand on your shoulder, large fingers tracing over your thin shirt, and goosebumps that are running on your skin aren’t from just the cold weather. You feel ashamed for kinda liking the situation – you are creeped out by him, you are curious about him, and you kinda want him to do something else. But he squeezes the soft flesh of your shoulders, rolling a bit lower, to your back – and then lets go. You breath hitches as he takes a step back, clenching his hand as if fighting the urge to do something else. 

— We’ll meet again. 

You just nod, not sure if you want it or not. König makes a point to determine which apartment is yours based on the window placement and pay you a visit in his leave time. 

[sweaterkittensahoy]

My chronic pain disabilities (hip fuckery; migraines) do not stop me from working. It doesn't mean I should treat my disabilities with less respect than disabilities that DO make it impossible to work.

When my endo pain was at its worse, I did all the things I was supposed to do--according to HR--to protect my job. I filed ADA paperwork. I communicated when I used it. I had the doctor's note. Etc.

Two days before my hysterectomy, I got a call from HR. "Oh, we're not sure we'll have work for you after you recover."

Which, first of all, is fucking illegal to say to someone who has ADA paperwork in place with you.

And, second of all, you're a fucking liar. I was the ONLY tech writer in a company of 500 people. Don't bullshit me.

I should have filed a complaint and sued the fuck out of them, but all I wanted to do was be able to possibly get out of pain and not have to worry about my paycheck after that. So, I called someone else in the company who I knew would lose his shit if I told him I'd basically just been told I had no work to do.

Two days after surgery, I had an email from HR to my personal account. Which, technically, they ALSO should not have used to contact me while on medical leave that was--like my disability paperwork--100% lined up and signed off on.

But the HR person wanted me to know that "Oh, looks like there IS work for you! Lol! Didn't know!"

This is bullshit. She was very aware.

Years later, I'm at a much better company. My supervisor, who is nothing but supportive, recently floated that it might be good to have ADA paperwork in place for my migraines because they flare during stress, which is the time I'm needed at work THE MOST.

No shit: I went into hard shutdown for about two minutes after he said it. It wasn't a threat or a dismissal of my migraines. It was him going, "Oh, hey, so no one can ever try to use them against you to say you're bad with stress, you might do this."

But all I felt was how I was absolutely fucked over by a bad company because they said, "You need to follow these legal steps," and I did, and they still tried to get around them.

So, no, I'm not dealing with getting punished if I have more than 2k in my bank account. I'm not dealing with people touching me, or my assistive devices (I don't currently use any). I can park anywhere in a lot and walk to the store entrance. But I was disabled, and I AM disabled, and I have had people try to punish me for existing in a body that just fucking HURTS because it HURTS.

It's Disability Awareness Month. I am disabled. Less so than I was ten years ago, which is a fucking stroke of luck. But also my right hip has started to go now, and who knows what the next 10 years will bring.

It's Disability Awareness Month. If someone says, "I'm disabled, and I want to talk about my experience," please pay attention and listen and learn and understand there's all sorts of ways disabled people are fighting to be treated with basic human dignity and under the basic rule of law.

[renonm]

OMG HII MASHLE BLOG AND MORE SKDJKDKS umm can I request reader x either orter or rayne coming back from a mission and they turn into a child ( kinda like that one episode where lance and dot became babies hahaja) like maybe kaldo or ryoh drop the reader at their office and they gotta babysit them hehe thank you if you ever take up on this request! ~ ᗢ

> || Orter Mádl x gn!reader

A/N: Hey chat maybe if this gets a lot of likes I’ll do Rayne(after like.. a few requests, trust!!) Sorry that it took so long and it turned out to be shitty lol, uh barely proofreaded, hope y'all enjoy tho

As someone who strives to work a lot, there particularly have always been tasks that mostly have been assigned to you that could be considered odd… There would have been examples now, but it’s sort of the best to specifically forget about it…, which kind of is fairly significant.

Today generally was just like any ordinary day, checking paperwork, sitting on a chair, and remaining in your office for the entire day in a particularly major way. However, this could have been considered the most normal workday you've ever had for the generally entire week. Unfortunately, no.

It was supposed to be a normal day! Till someone knocked at your office door. It slowly creaked itself open, revealing Kaldo, that man who has a weird addiction to honey, walked in. Carrying what almost looked like a baby. Go get your glasses checked. (Do you even wear any?)

“Good day, Mx. (L/N). I, the Flame Cane, Kaldo Gehenna, Have come to assign you with a very important ta—“ “Get straight to the point.” You interrupted Kaldo as he spoke. Another task? Why yes, “Alright, I will… So, please take care of ‘little’ Orter.” The Flame cane spoke in what seemed to be a ‘forced formal tone’. You had easily identified that he was trying to make this quick, perhaps he had other activities for the day But wait, what did Kaldo mean by ‘little Orter’? Did he mean Wirth?

“Wirth?” You asked, but you took realization as you fixed your gaze on the baby, it was Orter. Orter fucking Mádl. The Sand Cane. Mr. Grumpyface. The book nerd. It was him! He got turned into a baby??? HOW???

If there’s something to expect in working at the Bureau of Magic, it is that they can assign weird and obscure tasks that could be considered as “vague.” But if it was for protecting the people, then so be it. For the sake of the people… Focusing back on the current events,

“No, Orter.” The man paused before speaking again. “He got turned into a baby because of an individual move he made on a mission… But, ah, look! Isn't he so cute?” Kaldo poked Orter’s cheeks, sure, he may be cute, but Kaldo may have forgotten that Orter could use 10% of his sand magic, therefore he used it to spray sand on the white-haired man’s eyes, temporarily blinding him. It was a funny interaction, you chuckled. But knowing that you had to take this seriously, you nodded. There goes your free time, but it's for a comrade! And that comrade is Orter…. Yikes…. Okay, maybe you’d want this.

“Alright, I'll take him in, you owe me one though, Kaldo—” Before you could continue, the Flame Cane already left in a rush, leaving Orter at your desk. Now it was just you and that baby. Even being in such a small form, he still glares intensely. A question lingers in your head, how do you take care of babies? Is it necessary to treat Orter as one? After all, this effect only looks momentary. No one knows how long. But what you know is that the black-haired child(man) would not want to be treated as a baby. He is physically 23, he can grind you to sand! But now, he is in what can be considered one of the most vulnerable states he has ever been in, if not the most vulnerable. No wonder why Kaldo urged you to babysit him. This was urgent for the sake of the Divine Visionaries. Losing Orter was a monumental risk. How bad can this be?

Really bad.

Time had passed, and both of you were in a staring competition. Though, you guys were well acquainted or even best friends! Or maybe even more than that. Yet this feels awkward. You have no experience with babies. How does one talk to a baby? “Goo goo gaa gaa???” You said to Orter in an attempt to communicate with him. He stared back. Then proceeds to use his magic to throw sand on your eyes. The pain was minimal, at least. He taps at the paperwork you were supposed to finish. You got reminded! But where to place the baby… Surely now, he was tasking you to finish it. HE WAS GLARING.

There was only one choice. Actually, there were plenty but Orter was your friend, of course, you’d want to spend time with him, even as a baby.

Placing baby Orter near you!!! Surely the chair you were sitting on had some space for one more!! So you carried him and placed him near where you sat at. Pat pat, patting Orter’s head felt quite nice. (Orter may feel the same way but refuses to express it.)

“Stay here, alright?” You instructed to Orter wagging your hand… He’s gonna be pissed once he turns back to normal, WAS IT NECESSARY TO TREAT HIM LIKE AN ACTUAL BABY??? Why yes, of course. Did he resist? Not much, he only sat down next to you peacefully, Damm. You're gonna make fun of him after this.

A few hours in(it's been a few minutes, this is just exaggerated.) and you already feel fatigued after working, glancing at Orter thinking he was asleep and perhaps you can slack off, nope. Still awake. This made you consider your strength. Why are you scared of a baby? well, this is Orter you're babysitting, but by the looks of it, Orter is the one babysitting you. “What uh… Are you hungry young one?” You asked and he nodded no in response, instead, he pointed at your paperwork, ordering you to stop focusing on him and to finish it. Of course you had to follow that.

(If this were to ever be in a modern setting, he would be the definition of the boss baby.)

Okay, this time, it had been hours in, and you now feel sincerely tired. Taking a glimpse at the window, it was already afternoon, taking a small check at Orter, yes! He's finally resting!! Staring back, you can see how Orter looked relaxed by simply getting rest, even as a baby, it felt like it was enough. Working at the Bureau of Magic requires a lot of sacrificing of schedule to keep the world at peace. The Sand Cane was dedicated to that. Even the fact that he somewhat turned into a baby. You had always admired his hard work, and now, here he is. Asleep near you as a baby. You’d love to tease him once he turns back. Only if you’d survive the sand attack. That was for him to settle, now it was safe to slack off. You’ve finished the majority of your tasks anyway, so you relax in the chair, leaning in, closing your eyes as you process your thoughts on what happened today. Whatever, just make sure that you wake up earlier than that cranky-ass baby with glasses. You refuse to get sand in your eyes again.

An hour or two had passed, ah yes, the Excellency(you) had awakened from their slumber. (exaggerated again… lol..) But something felt so odd, that caused you to open your eyes, just to reveal that a coat was draped around you, whose coat was this… Looking to your side, Orter was gone. KALDO WAS GONNA KILL YOU.

“I'm right here,” Orter called, which caused you to look in front of the desk, it was him. Sitting across the desk, yours specifically. What should concern you more? The fact that he wasn't wearing his coat and gave it to you, or the fact that he was reviewing the paperwork you did earlier??

“Oh, uhm. Sorry, I suppose this is yours—” You were about to return his jacket, it felt morally wrong to take it, because…. It's not yours?

“No, keep it for now.” Oh? Orter even insisted that felt odd, yet appreciated by you. It looked like an invite that he was letting you tease him. He looked back at your work and nodded in approval, that was good. At least you weren't gonna pull out your soul out of your body this time. “You have surprisingly done well.” Well, obviously! It’s about time that someone notices your efforts. Who wouldn’t want to compliment you? (Probably Orter.)

Both exchanged gazes with one another, Orter’s grasp on your paper softened, eventually placing it back down on your table. He looks up at you, with a gaze that looks like he’s expecting you to speak. “Ah, uhm, yeah. I worked hard for those!! Haha…” You exclaimed, trying to lighten up the mood, but was met with even more awkwardness. As much as you hate to admit, it was hard to pick up a proper conversation with him. Always so stoic, so subtle… Yet so handsome? What’s there to dislike… Well, probably the fact that you assumed that he was oblivious.

Orter stares at his watch before looking back at you, “Meet me after work, I’ll treat you for a drink. As my compensation.” He said, of course, the person you are, you tried your best to remain a stoic face. One thing about Orter was, he was straightforward. You nodded, “Quite demanding, aren't we? Fine, I shall accept, but you must tell me the reason why you’re doing this—” poof. Orter was gone already? This was the second time that someone left while you were talking. However, you were left with a feeling of bewilderment. He technically asked you out.

Outside your office, Orter remained still. What is this that he felt? Love— was it? He was a man who could mask his emotions well, but his ears were red. He hid it well. Not to mention, he planned to purposely leave his jacket to you, so that you were forced to go to meet up with him. You looked nice in his coat. Enough for Orter to let out a small smile as he visualized the scene again. “Nice,” he muttered.

“My, my, I wonder why Orter is suddenly smiling out of L/N’s office.” A man called out, it was Kaldo. Orter frowned once again and glared at the Flame cane. “You saw nothing.” The Sand cane spoke out in an authoritative tone before leaving. In the end, this was all Kaldo’s planning, to force Orter to take the shield(which turned him into a baby) and for you to take care of him. He knew that Orter was too inexperienced and lacking in romance. He needs honey to celebrate, yippee.

But, it’s a date, right?

[archangeldyke-all]

Teasing Vika while she’s doing paperwork (on purpose) she’s a lil annoyed at first because she can’t resist you but she finally gives in and fucks you over the desk

ok but this combined with this other ask i got!??!?

okay but what about edging ceo sev 😱😱😱😱😱

men and minors dni

after being married for a year (and working together for four) you and sevika have fucked at work pretty much everywhere.

the breakroom? you guys snuck away during the office winter party and she fingered you against the counter.

the cubicles? she found a blindspot in the camera system by the water cooler and you congratulated her for her discovery with a blowjob in that very spot.

her office? about once a week.

the bathroom? again, about once a week.

you guys are careful. and you usually don't do anything during office hours, waiting until all your employees clock out to get each other naked.

and over time... it's all kind of lost its thrill.

so... you guys come up with a plan. just a little something to spice up your sex lives again.

well... it was supposed to be just a little something. it ends up being a bit more than that.

on your way into work this morning, sevika's arm slung around your shoulders as you both sleepily stumble into the office an hour before the rest of the employees, you'd gently kissed her neck in the elevator (which you know doesn't have any cameras, because, again: you've fucked everywhere in the office) and then whispered in her hear.

"it's a friday, y'know."

sevika chuckles. "'m aware."

"we should do something fun. to relax."

"could get more edibles from seamus." she suggests, leaning into your gentle kisses above her collar. you chuckle, then reach down to cup her crotch. she shivers.

"I was thinkin' about something else."

"yeah?" sevika grunts. you nod, nipping her neck before pulling away to look in her eye.

"lemme edge you?" you ask. sevika smirks at you, waiting like she's considering the offer despite the fact that she was the one who brought this up a few weeks ago. you grin at your wife, then lean forward again, your lips ghosting against hers. "think about how good it'll feel to finally cum inside me tonight, knowing you got nowhere to be in the morning." you start to gently rub at her clothed cock, your lips twitching up at the side when you feel her twitch beneath you.

sevika shivers, gulping and leaning in to press her lips against yours. the elevator doors open on your floor, but neither of you notice, and they close again, waiting for you to push a button.

"sevika?" you ask. sevika smiles, then nods.

"yes, please." she asks sweetly. you grin and kiss her again, giving her cock one more squeeze through her pants before you step away from her and push the open door button.

you wander out of the elevator, and you don't have to look behind you to know sevika's following after you like a lost puppy.

the morning flies by. friday mornings are always busy: everyone trying to get their shit done before the weekend.

but once lunch comes around, you manage to get a few minutes alone with her.

"sevika." you say in your professional voice, not letting on to your plan. she looks up from her desk at you, her eyebrow raised.

"'sup baby?"

you smirk. she's never able to keep the petnames out of the office. it makes you flustered and giddy.

"i just went out to get us food, i think your car has a flat." you lie. sevika groans, getting out of her seat to follow you to the elevator.

you lead her to her car in the parking garage-- all alone in the very back of the parking lot. she has her own spot right by the entrance to the building, but she's always lending it out to people in the company. (stephanie when she was pregnant. larry when he broke his foot. right now, seamus, because he's started refusing to charge you for his edibles now that he knows his boss is the one eating them.)

she's scowling at her car when you get there, her eyes darting around it, you chuckle, then drag her toward the driver's seat.

"get in." you say.

"why? did the light come on or something? the tires look--" she cuts herself off with a whimper when you smack her ass.

"get in." you repeat.

sevika scrambles inside her car lightning fast, pushing the carseat all the way back and patting her lap eagerly for you to sit on top of her. you laugh as you crawl in, and she slams the door, dragging you on top of her while she presses kiss after kiss to your skin. you can't stop giggling.

"sevika!" you squeal. your ass hits the horn, and you both jump when the car honks. sevika bursts into laughter, and you grin at her.

"get your dick out." you demand as you start to shuffle off her lap, awkardly cramming yourself between her legs and the steering wheel. sevika groans, tearing at her pants so hard her button comes loose. you gasp, turned on by your wife's urgency.

(you keep a sewing kit in your desk for this express purpose)

"gimmie the button." you snort when the button goes flying. sevika scrambles for it, putting it in your hand so you can keep it safe in your back pocket before you guys get back inside.

you don't waste time once you're between her legs. spitting on your hand, you start to jack her off while you kiss and suck on her tip.

"fuck." sevika curses. you suck the head of her dick, then pull off with a pop, before spitting on her again, giggling when her cock twitches.

"put your hands under your ass." you demand. sevika groans.

"but i wanna tou--"

you glare up at her, ceasing your hand's movement. sevika whimpers, then shifts to shove her hands under her ass. you kiss her thigh.

"good girl." you say simply before taking her cock all the way down your throat.

sevika whimpers, her thighs shaking as you gently hold her steadily hardening cock in your mouth.

feeling her grow in your mouth, your throat slowly but surely filling, your airways getting more and more constricted-- it suddenly hits you that this is going to be just as much torture for you today as it is for her. your cunt is throbbing.

a rush of endorphins fills your veins as the urge ruin sevika overtakes you. you groan around her cock, pull off for a breath, then start bobbing up and down on her dick, horrible squelching noises filling the car.

in the distance, a car horn beeps. sevika squeaks, and you laugh around her cock.

she starts whipping her head around, looking in all the mirrors to make sure nobody's nearby, and you use her distraction to reach up and start gently tugging and palming her balls.

sevika's cock pulses suspiciously hard. you pull off her with a gag, then grin up at her.

"you're close already?" you ask, giggling. sevika whimpers, her hips humping the air as she tries to get your lips on her again. you dodge all her attempts.

"n-no." she lies. you raise an eyebrow at her.

"really? so if i put my tits around you 'n let you fuck 'em right now you wouldn't--"

you're cut off by a sweet, pathetic whine escaping sevika's lips. you laugh, then dart forward to kiss the weeping tip of her cock. she shudders.

"we got ten minutes before the next meeting baby." you say, kissing her thigh and gently starting to tug her pants up her body.

"wait, no, i want more--"

"you'll get more, love." you promise, tucking her dick into her waistband and zipping up her pants. "but right now we gotta sew your button back on and get you to your next meeting."

sevika groans, but with a few sweet (and one or two dirty) kisses, you manage to get her out of the car.

the meeting's only supposed to last an hour. and then, sevika's not nothing scheduled for the rest of the day, so she's free to go home early. which means you're free to go home early. which means you're meaner to her than you usually would be during your afternoon meeting, knowing that you'll both be home and relieved in two hours.

you sit right beside her, instead of your usual spot in the back of the room. and when the lights and blinds go down and the projector comes out, your hand may or may not find its way onto her upper thigh under the table.

you're gentle, just a finger running up and down the length of her cock tucked away in her pants.

sevika's gnawing on her pen, her hands ripping the packet of papers in front of her into little strips.

you have to keep reminding yourself to pay attention, to rip your eyes away from your wife's face, from the sweet little furrow in her brow and her full lips between her teeth.

things go south when the meeting ends, and seamus lingers behind in the board room with an awkward expression on his face.

you think he's going to call you and sevika out for fondling each other during work hours. he doesn't though, he does something worse.

he tells you that the new international investors you're trying to woo had to reschedule their meeting to tonight. at ten pm.

which means you and sev will be stuck at work. all. day.

you manage to get a second alone with her two hours later in the bathroom. you watch her walk in, then sprint to follow behind her. luckily, there's no one else in the stalls when you push in after your wife, so you quickly turn the main lock on the door and corner her by the sinks.

"you okay?" you ask as you tuck your chin over her shoulder and sling your hands around her waist. she looks back at you in the mirror, a pout on her lips.

"i'm gonna die." she groans. you snort, your hands slowly trailing down to sneak under her un-tucked blouse. you scratch at her abs and she shivers.

"you know the safeword, baby. we can call it quits and try a different day." you remind her, kissing her neck. sevika shivers again, squirming in your grasp, but she doesn't say anything. you grin. "sevikaaa..." you sing. she huffs, then turns around in your arms.

"are you paying attention to anything anyone's saying today?" she asks. you giggle.

"no. are you?"

"no. fuck." she mutters. you laugh.

"we'll figure it out." you promise her, kissing her cheek as your hands reach down to fondle her ass. sevika groans.

around five, when the rest of your co-workers clock out for their weekend, you take sevika for a walk to get dinner.

you guys eat at a little diner, tucked away in a booth.

you have to keep reminding sevika to eat because under the table you've got your foot against her crotch. she's got her hands in fists on either side of her plate, her eyes fixed on your neck, like she's trying to keep herself from jumping across the table and sinking her teeth in your throat.

you kind of hope she does.

despite the fact that she eye fucks you from her desk for the rest of the evening, neither of you act on it. the cleaning crew have keys to all rooms in the building, and they don't pack up until nine.

her meeting's at ten. so once you're alone, you shouldn't get her too worked up.

... but you can't fucking help yourself.

so at nine thirty, while sevika's slowly flicking through notes and files about the investors, you slink up to her desk quietly, hoping not to distract her.

but once you crawl under her desk and between her legs, it's kinda pointless to worry about distracting her.

her thighs are trembling in her trousers on either side of you. her eyes are wide and locked on you, her hands are clenching at the arms of her chair. you smile up at her.

"keep working." you insist, pulling her closer to you. sevika chokes.

you wait, and eventually her eyes flick away from yours to study her notes again. you grin, then duck forward, nuzzling your face against her clothed crotch.

you take an obnoxiously loud inhale, groaning genuinely when the scent of her fills your nose. sevika's dick twitches under your cheek, and you nuzzle against it even further.

"b-baby."

"mmhmm?" you hum, continuing to rub your face against her cock.

"fuck, what're you doing?"

"mmm... just lovin' you." you promise. you lick gently against her trapped cock and sevika jolts in her seat. you grin.

"quit it!" she grunts. you giggle, closing your mouth and resting your head against her thigh. sevika sighs, looking down at you with desperation in her eyes, and you pout up at her.

"you okay?" you ask again. sevika whimpers, and you push out from under her desk to stand.

"i'm fine." sevika promises when you take her face in your hands. "i just-- really want you." she groans. you smirk.

"probably not as bad as i want you."

"no fuckin' way." sevika snorts, shaking her head.

"guess we'll just have to wait 'n see." you say, shrugging. sevika huffs.

her meeting goes well. for the first hour.

but after a while, you get restless watching your wife talk to her laptop screen. an evil plan forms in your head, one that you try to ignore, but you can't.

especially not when sevika starts palming herself under her desk as she talks.

you start subtle. walking around her office and closing all the blinds, turning off the lamps on the other side of her office. you make it look like you're just getting ready to leave.

sevika doesn't look up from her laptop at you until you park yourself in the middle of her office, a smirk on her lips as you stand within perfect view of her desk.

she raises an eyebrow at you before her eyes dart back down to her screen. you just giggle and reach up to slowly start unbuttoning your shirt.

"i think it's essential that we treat our investors as teammembers rather than b-b..." sevika trials off, her eyes stuck on you as you fling your shirt behind your shoulder. you wink at her, then unclasp your bra, letting it slide down your arms.

"ma'am?" a voice asks from her laptop. sevika gulps, then looks down at her laptop.

"sorry, i think my connection froze for a second there." she grunts. you choke on a giggle, then start unzipping your pants.

sevika starts to talk again, her eyes darting between you and her screen as you slowly get naked.

they're wrapping up their meeting, you can tell. and while the international investors may just be starting their day, sevika's had a long one, so you don't feel too guilty as you pull out your final move to speed this meeting along.

you slowly approach sevika's desk, swinging your hips a little extra as you do. sevika's eyes are glued on you.

you sit down in the chair across her desk, crossing your legs and smirking at her. sevika's eyes dart back to the screen.

you grin at her distraction then lift both of your legs and plant them on the edge of her desk, spreading them and giving her a clear view of your sopping wet cunt.

you reach down to start toying with your clit, and at the sound of your gentle sigh, sevika looks up from her laptop again.

she chokes when she does.

"oh fuck!" she growls.

"sorry?" a voice on the computer asks. sevika glares at you then snaps her attention back down to her laptop, stuttering out an apology.

you grab your tit with your free hand, then sink two fingers into your cunt, biting your lip to keep from moaning, then moaning anyways when the loud squishing sound of your wet cunt start to fill sevika's office.

sevika gasps, stutters out a polite but rushed goodbye, then slams her laptop closed.

she's on you in a second, ripping you out of your chair and throwing you down against her desk. you giggle, parting your legs and tilting your hips to give her a better view of your wet cunt. sevika smacks your ass hard, and you squeak.

"you're in so much shit." sevika growls. you giggle, wiggling your ass at her again, and sevika chuckles darkly. "i love you so fuckin' much." she grunts. you gasp when the head of her cock starts sliding between your folds. sevika smacks your ass again.

"you gonna fuck me? gimmie all that cum you've been holdin' in for me all day?" you tease.

sevika doesn't answer verbally. she just sinks all eight inches of her inside of you with no warning. you squeal.

she starts fucking you with loud wet smacking sounds, and when your arms give out and you collapse against her desk, she grabs you by the neck to hoist you up.

"been thinkin' about this pussy all day." she growls. you grin. "you drive me fuckin' nuts, baby."

"you're so fuckin' good for me sev." you sputter out. she growls, her hips pistoning even faster in and out you. she loses her grip on your neck and you flop forward. she follows you, pinning you to her desk with her torso.

it's uncoordinated and primal, sevika grinding into you with a grunt each time, drooling against your neck as she bites it.

"you're leakin' around my cock like a fuckin' slut." she growls. you giggle.

"you're the one that's had a hard-on for me all day." you remind her. she smacks you ass and you gasp, clenching around her dick.

for a game you were meant to control, sevika's a bit too coherent for your taste. you can fix that.

"god, but you did so good for me, didn't you baby?" you ask, making your voice sweet and soft for her. sevika's breath hitches, and you can feel the way her dick jumps inside of you. "answer my question." you growl, reaching up behind you to tug her hair. sevika whimpers.

"yes, fuck." she whines. you grin.

"i was only gonna tease you 'til two, y'know. was gonna take you home after our meeting and ride you into our bed. but you're such a good fuckin' girl for me, aren't you?" you coo. sevika mewls in your ear.

"i-i--"

"you close?" you ask, able to read her mind. she grunts against you and you giggle. "not too close, i hope." you tease. sevika whimpers, freezing against you.

"wha? w-why not?" she asks, desperate and pathetic. you giggle at the fear in her voice, turning your head to press a kiss to her cheek.

"mm, 'cause i got myself real worked up in the car this morning thinkin' about you fuckin' my tits." you say, clenching around her cock. sevika gasps. "but i wanna cum on your dick before i let you cum all over my face. think you can do that for me baby?" you ask.

sevika shudders on top of you, her fingernails clawing into your hips as she tries to collect herself.

"'m close, baby, won't take much." you promise her, wiggling your ass against her hips. she doesn't respond. she just starts fucking you, her hand shoving it's way between your legs to rub your clit as she pounds your cunt.

"fuck, fuck, i love you, i love you." sevika cries. you gasp.

"s-s-sevika, jus' like that baby, good girl, good girl, fuck!" you cry as you cum.

sevika pulls out of you the second you start clenching around her, but she makes up for it by shoving her fingers inside your cunt and working you through your orgasm with them. she's gasping and shivering against you, and you grin when you realize why she pulled out so suddenly.

"d'ya almost cum in my pussy, baby?" you slur, drunk on pleasure. sevika nods against the nape of your neck.

"felt too good." she whimpers. you grin, then reach back and pat her thigh.

"help me to my knees." you whisper.

sevika shoves more than she helps, but you don't blame her. she's been waiting sixteen hours now.

there's a wet stain on her pants-- your arousal having wet her thighs and crotch fabric. you guide sevika to sit in the chair you had just sat in, and she collapses, her eyes trapped on your tits as you shove yourself between her thighs.

you use your hands to push your tits together, and sevika shoves her cock between them. both of you moan at the feeling, and you start to fuck your tits on her cock, spitting on the head each time it pokes out between your cleavage.

she's going to cum. it's only been a minute but she's already letting out those beautiful breathy whimpers, and her thighs are vibrating.

you grin up at her, lick you lips, then speak. "you can cum for me baby. you've been so fuckin' good for me, lettin' me edge you all day-- show me how much you've been savin' for me. show me how crazy i drive you, honey. gimmie your--"

you choke on her cum before she can finish, giggling as she paints your face and chest.

"shit!" sevika gasps. you blink up at her, smiling, and she collapses against her chair. "shit." she says again, a deep belly laugh bubbling up and out of her.

you grin up at her in adoration, and she smiles down at you, gently knocking her knuckles against your cheek in a faux punch. you kiss her fingers as they graze your lips.

"you okay?" you ask. sevika snorts.

"better than ever." she says, nodding. you laugh.

"yeah?"

"fuck yeah, baby." she reaches up, scooping some of her cum off of your cheek then shoving her finger in your mouth. you hum around it. "next time i'm edging you, though." she says. you chuckle.

"oh really?" you ask. sevika grins then hinges forward at her waist to bend down and kiss you. you hum against her, and then she pulls away to lick her cum off your face you groan. "sev, gross!"

she chuckles against you, not letting you go as she licks you up and bites your cheeks. eventually, she's licked your cringing face clean, and she presses a sweet kiss to your cheek.

"i love you so fuckin' much." she whispers. you grin.

"i love you too, baby."

taglist!

@fyeahnix @sapphicsgirl @half-of-a-gay @ellabslut @thesevi0lentdelights @sexysapphicshopowner @shimtarofstupidity @love-sugarr @chuucanchuucan @222danielaa @badbye666 @femme-historian @lia-winther @gr0ssz0mbi3 @ellsss @sevikaspillowprincess @leomatsuzaki @emiliabby @sevikasbeloved @hellorai

[teamatsumu]

What if the Seireitei had a Human Resources Department? And what if you were in charge?

Summary: With the kind of antics these shinigami get up to every day, it was only a matter of time before the higher ups felt the need to create an HR Department to deal with the day to day messes. Here’s a little drabble about how it all started

Word Count: 2,062

Warnings: swearing, bad humor, mentions of violence

next part

Sometimes it was hard to believe that the gods didn't have it out for you. Especially when you ended up in situations like this against your will and through no fault of your own.

The corridor was completely silent despite the amount of people that it held. It’s almost like everyone knew how fucked they were, and they were praying with every fiber in their bodies that somehow, they would not get killed at the hands of the Captain Commander today.

You stared at the large “1” written on the wooden doors in front of you, hands clasped so tightly in your lap that your knuckles turned white. Your heart was beating so hard it almost hurt your ribcage. Next to you on the bench, Ikkaku shuffled, and you resisted the urge to deck him across the face. He was injured enough as it was. And frankly, no punch you could land on him would do any good. You had zero hurting power in your body.

Once again, you wondered which otherworldly spirit you had pissed off to get where you were.

Squad 4 was supposed to be a safe choice. You had asked to be put in it for a reason when you graduated. Far, far away from the fighting and pain. No conflict. Just helping people, healing injuries and staying inside where there were no battles. You would take any amount of scut work over whatever the hell those other divisions got up to. And you were good at your job. You handled medical emergencies well, you were a boss at getting through paperwork. Lieutenant Isane would cry tears of joy at the sight of you almost daily since you were singlehandedly keeping the admin side of the division afloat on your own.

So why did it have to come to this?

After what seemed like an eternity, the wooden door cracked open with a deafening sound and a head poked through it. The Shinigami’s eyes scanned the crowd outside until they fell on you. You felt your throat knot. He gestured for you to come to him before disappearing behind the door again.

You stood up on shaky legs, deliberately trying not to look at everyone around you who was now staring at you with pity in their eyes, no doubt. You unintentionally caught eyes with Captain Kuchiki, a calm slate gray that seemed to settle your nerves just a bit. He gave you an almost imperceptible nod, and some strength returned to your legs. You were grateful he was there, despite him not having any involvement in the situation.

Well, it was his Lieutenant on the line so maybe some involvement.

The Shinigami led you down a long hallway silently, your almost numb legs following behind. You felt like a baby deer with how unsteady you were. What were baby deers called again? Foals? You had no clue. Your mind was fried at this point. You tried to send a short prayer to the gods above, but then you remembered they were the ones who put you here in the first place so maybe praying to them wouldn’t be too good of an idea.

The Captain Commander certainly had an air about him. The table he sat behind in his office made him look grand. The office was almost like a balcony, overlooking a magnificent view of the Seireitei that you would have loved to admire under less precarious circumstances. You kept your eyes on the desk he was seated at, bowing low and standing straight as a rod until the Shinigami who brought you there had shut the door behind him with a click that echoed in your very soul. Then, it was silent.

Yamamoto Genryuusai was looking at you with a hard stare. You felt the horrifyingly embarrassing urge to burst into tears.

“Explain.” He said.

What came next was the worst word vomit known to mankind.

It had started two days ago, as festivities for New Years were just beginning to unravel. You had been on night duty, a post you wouldn't wish on anyone. Holidays almost always ended up with someone landing in the Squad 4 barracks with injuries. A bunch of drunk soldiers with weapons and the ability to fight felt like a disaster waiting to happen. But what happened next was ten times worse than what anyone was anticipating.

The fight was pretty standard. Some drunk Squad 3 member had thought it would be a good idea to taunt Squad 11 members by calling them brainless idiots who only knew how to swing a sword. It was a fist fight that escalated when Yumichika and Ikkaku stepped in. Somewhere in the commotion, someone had broken a bottle of sake on Yumichika’s face.

This, of course, caused a complete meltdown on Yumichika’s part, who could feel the cuts on his face that would potentially leave scars. He lost his shit and proceeded to beat the crap out of everyone around him. A very, very drunk Ikkaku and accompanying Renji thought that was the best solution in their alcohol-addled minds. The rest was history.

What had landed into Squad 4 was over 20 extremely injured Shinigami, a flurry of broken limbs and blood. The biggest issue was that this had involved a Lieutenant and two seated officers. Once Captain Unohana got wind of it, it was all over. This kind of violence wouldn't fly under the strict Captain’s nose, and she had reported the whole matter to the Captain Commander. That immediately put Captain Zaraki and Captain Kuchiki’s asses on the line since it was their officers involved, and since you had been the attending who received every case in Squad 4, you were asked to report to the Captain Commander for a full explanation on the matter the following morning.

That morning, extremely hungover Ikkaku and Yumichika had shown up at your barracks, pleading with you to save them. Apparently their Captains had been furious, and both of them were being considered for a major demotion. And Renji? Lord, Captain Kuchiki would make sure Renji never saw the light of day again.

While you made them tea to try and stave off their headaches, Yumichika had given you an honest recounting of the whole situation, and it made your heart soften. They really had just been there to break apart a fight before Yumichika’s face got involved. And as you looked at his bandaged face, knowing full well the extent of the damage underneath, (you had been the one to heal him after all) you felt your heart swell in pity.

So you had agreed to the impossible task of trying to make them appear like the victims in this situation. In front of the fucking Captain Commander. What were you thinking? Curse your empathy and curse the fact that you had somehow befriended these people.

“So according to you, Fifth seat Ayasegawa was there to break up the fight?” Captain Commander Yamamoto’s voice was grumbly and low.

You nodded. A drop of sweat rolled down the side of your face and you were breathing hard. You twisted your fingers behind your back, jaw locked so tight it made your teeth hurt.

“You realize he was singlehandedly responsible for incapacitating 11 out of the 20 injured men?”

You closed your eyes. Fucking Yumichika. That fucker.

“He only responded to an extremely hateful and violent attack on himself, sir. He was not the instigator. As the healer who received him in Squad 4 barracks, I can guarantee that his condition was horrifying.”

“So you agree with his decision to retaliate the way he did?”

You shook your head immediately. “No, sir. I do not agree with it, but in the uh, inebriated state everyone was in at the time, including the sight of his comrades injured and charged comments against his Squad, I can understand why he acted the way he did.”

The Captain Commander appraised you under a weighted stare which made you gulp heavily.

“You have an admirable track record, Sixth Seat Y/L/N.”

What? You blinked, not knowing how to respond. He knew about you. Well, of fucking course he did. He couldn't have summoned you here with no knowledge of who you were. But being referred to by him unnerved you.

“Your account for the event of New Years Eve is very diplomatic.” He continued. “If I go off on what you have told me, I am left with no one to blame this whole situation on. It seems this will just be written off as an unfortunate accident.”

You nearly bawled.

The Captain General closed the file in front of him, leaning back and placing his chin on his bony knuckles. His eyes fell shut, yet you felt he was closely watching your every move.

“You may leave. And inform everyone that they will receive a written warning for their involvement. You will receive a letter too, but of a different nature.”

You nodded and bowed instantly, turning around to walk out of the office. When the door shut behind you, you choked on a gasp and keeled forward, resting your hands on shaky knees. Fuck. Fuck. That was so intense you could cry. You would cry, actually. The tears were coming on. You sniffled.

Someone cleared their throat and your head shot up, looking at the Shinigami who had led you here. He gave you a look that told you he knew how you felt, before gesturing you to follow him out.

On numb, trembling legs, you walked out of the Squad 1 barracks, immediately being greeted by all the parties in question. Ikkaku,Yumichika and Renji crowded you, looking at you with hopeful eyes. You looked at the half bandaged and swollen faces in front of you and felt the horrifying urge to laugh.

“You all will get an official warning. No lasting consequences.” You managed to choke out.

The air that lifted at your words left behind an atmosphere so light it nearly made you collapse, you swayed a little as you sat down on the bench, watching Renji collapse in relief while Yumichika slumped into a wooden pillar. Ikkaku was looking up at the sky like he had just received redemption from the gods themselves. You held back more laughter.

Captain Zaraki let out a heavy sigh and stretched, patting you on the head with a heavy hand in his show of thanks before shuffling off, hands deep in his pockets. Captain Kuchiki sat next to you on the bench smoothly, staring at his Lieutenant with disdain.

“I must thank you.” He said, not looking at you. “I was convinced this would end poorly. You have surprised me, Sixth Seat Y/L/N. And I assume you surprised the Captain General too. I have not known him to be lenient in the years I have worked in the Gotei 13.”

You stared at the Captain as he got up once again, each move as pristine as the last. He walked over to Renji and let out a pained breath at the sight of his Lieutenant.

“Stand, Renji. You will still face the punishment I have set for you.” He stated simply before turning to walk away.

“Yes, Captain.” Renji’s voice was small and muffled. The corner of your lip twitched.

Yumichika sidled over to where you sat, tears in his one visible eye.

“I love you.” He breathed, making you snort.

“I want you to stay as far away from me as possible from now on.” You stood up, feeling better now after seeing the relief your friends felt. You were of course, being dramatic. But you were sincerely so drained you wouldn’t mind sleeping for a week.

And sleep you did. In fact, you had completely forgotten the Captain General’s words until the next morning, when a Shinigami showed up at your barracks with a letter in his hand. You stared at it in confusion until you saw the name of the addressor on the envelope. Your eyes widened and your heart fell out of your ass as you remembered the words.

“You will receive a letter too, but of a different nature.”

With trembling fingers, you tore through the paper, frantic eyes trying to make sense of what you were reading. Your eyebrows furrowed in confusion.

“What the fuck is a Human Resources Department?”

A/N: Should i make this into a series? Im contemplating it. Pls let me know!

[luvonmes-blog]

slow

just, slow down.

warnings/labels - MDNI!!, decided to switch the narrative of a guy actually taking women into consideration (omg!! men who care😱) and decided gojo needs a lil love aka, reader takes gojo into consideration, fem! reader, fluffy smut, pnv, pwp, lil bit of nipple play (i wholeheartedly believe gojo has sensitive nipples, fight the wall), gojos in love, reader shows him how to love (fuck) her.

authors note - you know when people post and say “this was supposed to be a drabble but i got carried away” i always questioned if they were serious or not but now?? i understand. i’m so in love with the idea of being in love

————————————————————————

when gojo first met you, he didn’t think anything would come of it. he just assumed you’d be another colleague of his but you quickly proved him wrong.

it started with quick, shy glances. those quickly because fleeting touches which would burn his skin and leave a mark ingrained in his brain of where you placed your hand. looks became less shy, touches became more certain and then you asked him out. you asked him out and that day he knew he was hooked. the moment he kissed you, he knew he was going nowhere, his brain already planning your future together. your lips met and he wanted to devour you but before he could go any further you pulled back and murmured something about taking it slow.

“d- did you not like it?” he asked nervously, face burning red.

“no, satoru.” you laughed and his face paled. “i liked it i promise but could we slow it down?” it came out as a question and he was confused on what you meant.

“slow it down?” he repeated, trying to understand what you meant.

“yeah, like…” you didn’t finish your sentence instead leaning in and pressing your lips against his. he let you take the lead, wanting to see what you meant. and he finally understood. your lips moved slowly against his, parting just a bit and breathing him in. you meant slow literally and gojo likes this more. he was used to being rushed, everyone around him expecting him to do any and everything quickly but you didn’t. you let him do things on his own terms and now he was doing them on yours. slow. he was used to women rushing him, just trying to get him into their beds, lips moving hurriedly, all teeth and tongue as they stripped him.

but you, you took your time. when you parted your lips enough to slip your tongue into his mouth, he groaned. your hands trailed down his abdomen and met his, moving them from the harsh grip on your hips to up your back, cradling your body and allowing him to pull you closer. the two of you now flush against each other as gojo hunched over to keep his lips against yours. you licked into his mouth moving your tongue against his, tasting him and taking whatever he’d give to you. you finally let go as you felt light headed from the lack of air and looked up to gojo. for your date tonight he opted for glasses instead of his usual blindfold, he had taken them off when you reached your door and as you stared into his beautiful blue eyes, they were sparkling.

“like that.” you finished your earlier sentence. all he could do was nod dazedly, too entranced by you to actually respond with words. “so i’m gonna go inside now…” you backed away slowly. “you’re welcome to come in if you’d like.” you added.

“god you have no idea what you do to me.” he sighed breathily so caught up in you. “but i can’t. i have um, paperwork.” his voice was raspy and breathy as he panted.

“oh, ok.” you sounded disappointed. and he grabbed you just a bit tighter before you could slip away.

“please don’t think i’m shooting you down.” he was quick to explain himself. “trust me, there is nothing i’d like to do more than come in there with you but if i’m late on my assignments one more time, yaga will be on my ass.” he clarified.

“satoru, you’re fine.” you smiled at him. “i understand, i don’t want you any later on more work than you already are. we can just continue this another time.” you smiled at him. he went in for another kiss and as your lips met you let out a satisfied hum.

“another time.” he agreed. he watched you enter your apartment and then made his way back to his car, when he finally took a seat and looked down, it was exactly as he thought. there he was, sporting a semi in his slacks and he wanted nothing more in the world than to go back to your apartment and ravish you. but he had already promised, another time.

- - -

for a while gojo wasn’t sure another time would happen. curses had been popping up more and more out of nowhere and when he finally got to the bottom of it, it was weeks later and he was scared you wouldn’t be interested in him anymore. but after you reassured him you still wanted to go out with him and understood how important work is he finally got you where he wanted you for weeks.

you were under him in his bed, completely bare for him. he was kissing you slowly, just as you taught him and your hands were all over him. trailing from his back to his chest and you rubbed your thumbs over his nipples jokingly but he had whined into your mouth and you laughed. giggles escaping your mouth and flowing into his. he pulled back to look at you with one of his eyebrows raised. “you like that?” you questioned.

“lil’ bit.” he murmured, his face completely red from you finding out he has sensitive nipples. you laughed some more before gripping his hair and pulling him back down to you.

“you don’t have to be embarrassed, i like that you let me touch you, let me figure out what makes you squirm.” you brought his lips back to yours and bucked your hips, his cock soaked in your wetness gliding against your heat and he moaned. he reached over to his nightstand, searching for a condom, pulling back from your lips to look at what he was doing. he finally found the foil packet and tore it open, ready to slide the rubber onto his cock but you stopped him, taking it from him and gliding it onto him instead. he groaned, your hand moving up and down his shaft as you finally got the condom on.

“fuck. fuck, stop.” you looked up at him. “you gotta stop or i’m gonna cum.” his voice was breathless, panting as you continued to move your hand.

“what if i want you to?” you challenged. he shook his head.

“can’t.” he grit his teeth. “fuck, i can’t. when i cum, i wanna be inside you. and it’d be a waste of a condom.” he laughed, you finally took your hand off him and he sighed. he lined his tip up with your entrance, circling it, smearing your slick over the condom and your pussy lips. your hole was clenching around nothing as he teased you.

“please ‘toru. don’t tease me.” you pouted at him and he thought that if you kept looking at him like that, he’d give you the world. he finally pushed in, stretching you open and settling so deep within you. you moaned in bliss as he buried himself to the hilt, pressing against all the spots that made you squirm. he choked on a groan when he finally settled all the way in, you’re so warm and he had to stop moving or he’d be damned to cum too early. he gave you time to adjust to his girth and length and for himself, staving off his orgasm. “you can move now, ‘toru.”

“fuck, just give me a second, please baby, just a second.” he moaned into your neck. you simply rubbed his back as he pressed his entire body flush against yours. he finally felt he was in the clear as the orgasm settled. he sat up, resting his arms beside your head and he started moving, setting a quick rhythmic pace. your nails dug into his lower stomach and he whined, face falling back into your neck.

“‘toru, ‘toru, slow down.” you sighed out, tits bouncing up and down from how fast he was going. he pulled his head up to look into your eyes. “slow down.” you said lowly, not a command but he followed your direction anyway. “i like it slow. like when you take your time.” you told him. you moved your hands from around his neck to his hips, gripping them as you showed him how to move. “l- like that.” you stuttered as he moved at the pace you enjoyed. your back arched, chest pressing against him as his cock rubbed against your walls. your moans were so soft and gentle in his ears. with the way you’re guiding his hips and how slow he’s moving he can really feel you and while he’s used to the fast pace of sex this is different. good different.

every time he pulls out and pushes back in he can feel you clenching around him, every twitch and clench of your pussy, he can feel and it has his head reeling. he’s never felt this good and he can feel his orgasm building again. his stomach is clenching and his hips are twitching with his every movement. your moans spur on his own and he’s whining into your ear. his hand moves to rub your clit causing your eyes to roll back and choke on a moan. “‘toru,” his name falling from your lips has a visible affect on him as he caves in on himself. “‘toru, i’m gonna cum.” your voice is high pitched, your knees locking around gojos hips as he keeps pressing into your sweet spot and rubbing your clit. your thighs are twitching and you clench so tightly around him he has to grit his teeth.

your back arches as your orgasm washes over you and you go completely silent. it takes you in waves, starting from the pit of your stomach and flowing throughout the rest of your body. your mind is completely blank, all you can see and hear is white and you don’t notice you start crying out for gojo, pulling him down into your grasp. he falls into you as your entire body trembles, shaking as you cum. your chest is heaving as you come to, body shaking as gojo keeps thrusting and rubbing your bundle of nerves. you feel his hips stutter against yours and his back tensing, he’s trying so hard to not cum yet, wanting at least one more orgasm out of you. he’s shocked he made it this far and he’s determined to keep going but you have other plans.

you grip his hair and turn yourself towards his ear nibbling at it and your other hand comes up to his chest and rubs over his nipple. you suck and bite at the skin behind his ear, the sensitive part you found earlier. your thumb and index finger tweak his nipple, pinching and twisting it. “want you to cum ‘toru. want to see how pretty you look when you cum in me.” he whines loudly into your ear. he’s trying so hard to not cum but when you play with his body they way you are and whisper in his ear so prettily, who is he to disobey you? his hips slam into yours one more time and he buries himself in you, trying to get as close as possible.

just as yours, his orgasm starts in his lower stomach but he swears he can feel it in his soul. he’s moaning and whining loudly in your ear as you continue to lick and prod at his body and he shakes. he’s stuttering over words, trying to tell you how good he feels but fails, his body won’t let him. his hips are grinding into yours, grinding into your clit and his cock is twitching as he shoots his load into the condom. he cums so hard for the first time in his life since he was a teenager, he swears he’s going to pass out. you’re still pinching his nipple and biting his ear, dragging his orgasm out as rope, after rope, after rope, leak from his over sensitive tip. he’s crying now, tears falling onto the skin of your neck as he keeps cumming. there’s so much of it he fears it will leak out of the condom but is that so bad? to see his cum leak out of your clenching hole and he wishes that you would have let him go bare. he prays to god you’ll let him fuck you without a condom next time.

his body finally calms down and he falls slack on top of you, cock still twitching deep in you. he’s panting heavily, his chest finally filling with air after holding his breath for so long. you move slightly, just trying to get comfortable and he cries out. “fuck don’t move, ‘s sensitive.” he sobs, voice so high he barely recognizes himself. you freeze in your spot and murmur apologies, kissing wherever you can reach and rubbing both your hands up and down his back. he’s still shaking and you fear it won’t stop.

“satoru.” you say worriedly. “are you ok?” you’re concerned, so concerned. you hadn’t meant to harm him, you really hadn’t but now you’re afraid you had. he laughs but stops almost immediately when it causes his hips the slightest movement.

“m’ ok.” he mumbles. “jus… i’ve never cum that hard.”

“oh…” you’re surprised, to say the least. while you know gojo isn’t the most popular with girls - he’ll never actually admit it out loud but he’s too afraid to actually approach a woman, past relationships and flings were initiated by the female counterpart - you expected him to have better experiences than you. he finally pulls out, mustering enough strength from his body that feels like jelly, pulling off them condom, throwing it to where he hopes the trash can is and collapsing beside you. he falls onto his stomach and places his head on a pillow to look at you.

“are you ok?” he mumbles sleepily, he’s never usually worn out after sex but you’ve gotten to him and he wouldn’t have it any other way.

“i’m ok.” you move closer to him, resting your head on your hand that was supported by your arm and trailing your fingers up and down his back, tracing the freckles and blemishes there.

“i really like you, y’know.” you blush at his words.

“i really like you too.”

“i was being serious.” you raise an eyebrow at him, questioning what he meant. “i’ve never cum that hard. i don’t think anyone’s ever taken their time to see what i like. but you did. you always see what i’m ok with before anything. thank you.” his eyes are falling shut.

“you’re welcome.” you whisper leaning over to press a kiss into his hair, ready to turn on your other side and fall alseep but gojo wraps his arm around you and pulls you into him. tangling his body with yours before pulling his comforter over you two and passing out. you look at him and giggle. just as him, you could get used to this.

of course you two don’t always take it slow over the course of your relationship. you both have your moments when you’re begging for more, faster but gojo likes when you’re like this and he enjoys taking his time with you and slowing down.

————————————————————————

i’m in heat. (it’s ovulation week.)

[padfoot-lupin77]

This might have been discussed before but I haven’t seen it anywhere so: the comedy potential of the Night Nurse staying at the dead boy detective agency is absolutely insane. She knows little about the human world. And she doesn’t like any of the people she now has to work with. Absolute Chaos dialogues under the cut cause this post would be too long otherwise

Night Nurse: *knocks on Crystal’s door*

Night Nurse: Who the fuck is Charlie?

Crystal: you mean Charles?

Night Nurse: No- I know who Charles is, little girl.

Crystal: don’t call me th-

Night Nurse: it was Charles, in fact, who asked if I know about that Charlie and some angels of his. I know all about angels, was this ghost boy mocking me?

Crystal:

Crystal: Charles fucking Rowland didn’t Edwin tell you that the ‘Charlie’s Angels’ thing was a bad idea?

Night Nurse: *deep breath* aright if we have to work together I suppose it would be good to get to know each other

Night Nurse: so, how long have you two been together?

Charles: uh-

Edwin: we’ve been best mates ever since I… escaped hell the first time, around the time Charles died.

Night Nurse: *nods skeptically*

*later that day*

Night Nurse: so your name is Jenny?

Jenny: yes. If I understand correctly you’re an immortal being from the afterlife… or something?

Night Nurse: an eternal transdimensional being but I wouldn’t expect anyone to know the difference

Jenny: great, more supernatural stuff. Just what we needed.

Night Nurse: so, Jenny, you seem to me like the most normal around here.

Jenny: a sentence I never expected to hear, but go on.

Night Nurse: can you inform me what the phrase “best mates” means?

Jenny: seriously? Okay, from what I get it’s the British way to say best friends

Night Nurse: like, a couple?

Jenny: no, like best friends. Two very good friends.

Night Nurse: I’m sorry, I must have got this wrong somehow?

Jenny: clearly. What’s confusing?

Night Nurse: the Edwin boy said he and Charles are best mates but they seem too close with each other?

Jenny: *laughs* yeah, I thought so too. But sometimes friends are very close too. Not that I would know.

Night Nurse: and what makes a close friendship different from a… relationship?

Jenny: honestly, I think you’ve got the wrong person for these questions, I have no idea

Night Nurse: humans don’t make any sense

Night Nurse: I don’t think this will work, I’m going to get my own apartment.

Crystal: and how are you going to do this, exactly?

Night Nurse: I will go whichever local office is responsible for this type of transfers and get whatever papers necessary. I’ve spent all my time doing paperwork, how different can human paperwork be?

Edwin, under his breath: you have no idea

Night Nurse: In fact I will go right now.

Crystal: should we tell her?

Charles: Nah, let her find out the hell that is human-world paperwork

Charles: but this Night Nurse sabotaged our case!

Edwin: I know, just hold on a minute because I just had a most brilliant idea.

*whispers at Charles the plan*

Charles: you’re a genius, mate.

Edwin: I know, now let’s tell Crystal.

*the next day*

*knocks on the Night Nurse’s door*

Charles: hello miss Night Nurse

Crystal: we have brought you a present

Edwin: yes, we- ahem, we realized you were right…

Charles: *trying not to laugh* and we have brought this present to apologize

Night Nurse: that’s… nice of you kids… let me see

Night Nurse: *opens the box*

Night Nurse: *sees a fish tank with an angler fish identical to the one that swallowed her in ep 4*

Night Nurse: you. You evil, demon children how dare you

Edwin, Charles and Crystal all burst out laughing

[shankss-magnificent-ass]

Imagine the beast pirates learning you are a criminal mastermind

Kaido: *going over a cargo manifest* we will sell these in Port Chugal, prepare them for shipment.

King: Port Chugal won't buy pirate goods anymore, the world government found out they've been trading with us, so they replaced the king there.

Kaido: That's the third distribution market I've had to change in the last month. First the Bourgeois Kingdom, then Ballywood, and now Port Chugal. How are they finding my warehouses?

Queen: we don't know at the moment, but we're working on it

You: *King's assistant* I would like to point out something that all three have in common.

King: Silence.

Kaido: let em talk, I want to hear what they have to say.

You: they were all common stops on Captain Rondow's transport route, who was captured almost three months ago by the world government.

Kaido: You think the poor bastard broke under torture?

You: It appears so, and from the other reports we're getting I'm guessing they have figured out how you conduct your exportation operation. *Hands King the reports*

King: *Skims them* we spent years building this system.

You: which means building another will be faster this time. I'm guessing how they're locating our goods is by the fact that while it's labeled under a company that doesn't have any paperwork officially filed in countries we claim it's from.

Kaido: what are we supposed to do, get a business permit?

You: yes, but actually no. Now any new businesses from any nations in your territory will come under scrutiny by the world government. So I think we should find any failing, but long-established companies, and bail them out in exchange for slipping our illicit cargo into their product distribution.

King: that... might actually work, but there's no way we can guarantee their loyalty.

You: that's why you give them a small percentage of the profits and gather blackmail material. Most rich people are sick fucks will have skeletons in their closet, you just have to look for it.

Kaido: I'll entrust the task to you, and in the meantime we'll have Yamato fill in for you with King.

King: what! No! Your son is... not great at paperwork.

Kaido: Sorry bud, but I'd like to see what they can do on their own, so I'm setting them loose.

Returns from setting up the new network seven months later

Kaido: I just got the finance report for the last quarter

You: *literally just got off the boat* Sir?

King: Your network is more efficient than what we had set up.

Kaido: you're getting promoted, so you can manage it from here.

You: But I was really looking forward to working with King again.

Kaido: then you'll work under him not me.

You: I'm keeping my desk in your office.

King: For someone who ruthlessly castrated a man to get him to do what they wanted, you are very clingy and sentimental.

You: I was well within my rights to revoke that man's dick privilege, you had no idea how man people he's assaulted. I did that town a fucking favor by pickling that man's junk

Kaido: you pickled it!

You: Yes I did, how else, so you think I got an entire town to look the other way about our ships coming into the harbor?

Kaido: I never would have thought of that... You know when I met you I never would have guessed you'd be an asset to my operations. You seemed too soft and naive, too kind.

You: *shrugs* Well thank you for thinking I'm kind, but I just so happen to hate you less than the world government, and you have more money than the revolutionary army. And Lin Lin and her family freaks me out.

King: don't forget Akagami and Whitebeard won't hire you since you've worked with us.

You: *clicks your tongue* and I regret it every day.

Coming Soon

[double-0h-no]

Doctor's Note

Prompt fill for both 3000 words and medical staff. This is a… very different kind of thing. Not my usual perspective, not my usual style of writing, but hey, this here is to try new things, and I had fun writing this. I hope you enjoy :)

on ao3

What's it like being a Doctor for Medical at MI6? Well, it goes a bit like this…

Hi. You must be the new Doctor working here, right?

I'm Hermine Dalton, pleasure to meet you. I've been with Six for longer than I'd like to admit to, and I'll be showing you the ropes the next few days and weeks. So, if you've got any questions, fire away. Should I at any point not be around, the nurses know more about the way of things than I do. All right, let's not dawdle. And welcome to the team.

***

Right, so we have a couple of divisions that you're not really used to from a normal hospital, and obviously, we're completely lacking others. No paediatrics, no oncology, stuff like that. A lot more forensic medicine and maybe in ways you're not entirely used to. And we have an intersection with Q-branch, if you're interested in that, namely with R&D where we have some guys who work on toxins and antitoxins and some creative biological weapons. That sounds a lot more malicious than it is, the creative part is mostly about how to target it and prevent the agents from accidentally injecting themselves with it or something similar. Should you wind up there at some point I have one advice for you: Trust the Q-branchers there. If they say "we can't do it like that, the agents will totally do this and that with it", no matter how outlandish it sounds, trust them. They know what they're talking about. All safety regulations are written in blood, and all that.

***

So this is where you'll start out. I know it's not the most exciting, but it'll give you a bit of time and peace to ease into things. So, most of this is from some sort of ongoing investigation. We have a colour coding system for prioritising those things, there's a list on the server. Take your time familiarising yourself with everything, I'm sure you'll get the hang of it fast enough. Tomorrow you can join me for my round with the current patients.

***

Good morning, so glad you'll join me. So, we don't have a whole lot of patients at any time, usually not more than five who are supposed to stay here. When I left last night, we had six patients, let's see how it looks this morning.

Why? Oh, let's just say there is a certain type of patient who is less than inclined to stay put.

Stop them? Oh, no, love. We... it's a recent thing, admittedly, one I've managed to painstakingly build up. It's... Let me explain this to you over a cup of tea after. Let's see the patients first, yeah?

***

So, that's them. Only four patients left, admittedly, but I would have made that bet. Let me show you what we do now.

Of course we'll have a coffee over it. What else is there to do? And we'll take a look at this nice little document there. Okay, so the people who were here last night and aren't anymore, that's Agent Booth, and 004. So, Booth wasn't hurt too badly, he was supposed to stay because we suspected he might have a concussion. He has a wife here in Six, she works in accounting, and they have two kids. So him not being here just means that he wants home to go and see them, and I sent his wife an email when he was admitted. She knows about his medical status, I'm not worried about him, so we'll let it go. Prep the paperwork for him to sign as soon as he's back at work, backdating it all, so that the bureaucracy monster working on the fourth floor is fed and satisfied.

Now, 004, that's a different thing. She had a... Sorry. Sometimes the job still gets to me, too. But she had a... fucked up mission. I don't want her to be alone for even a second, and she's in no good condition healthwise, either. What I do now is, I pull up the Double Oh roster, and check where 003 and 007 are. Three is out in the field, so that road's blocked. Seven is in London. Great. Let me just text him real quick.

Okay. That's done. And now we can only hope and pray.

How I know what? Oh, the mission. Yeah, no, we're not supposed to - hm. Hm. See, that's... It's easier to do than you might think. And not all agents take it too seriously. I know you've only been here for two days, and you already picked up on the reputation of Double Ohs, but...

Yes, they are the worst patients you could wish for. Horrible. Rude. Don't keep to any of your orders. But... They're our patients. I care for them. And with most of them, I've managed to build a rapport. They trust me with details of their missions, so I happen to know more than I'm supposed to. Sometimes, you find out things because you treat them. You'll get practised at it eventually, recognise certain types of injuries, all that. And other times, you have to ask, because maybe they've ingested something, or you need to know what happened to be able to judge how deep the injuries might be, how likely a concussion is, questions are important.

What that third column is? It's their handlers. Let's go through the list real quick. You will not be needing it for a good long while. Treating Double Ohs takes a bit of time until you're at a point where you can make decisions for them without them raising hell on you. But I hope the insight will help you a bit. So the first two columns are the agents and their designations. The next two are their usual handlers. They might change in between missions, but those are the two they trust the most.

If an agent comes in and they are in a really bad shape, you contact their handler as soon as they're stable and look human again. Q-branch needs to know that their charge is home safe and sound. If an agent acts up while they have a bed here, just being a little bitch, pardon my French here, you can also call their handler, and they usually get the agents in line. Do it surreptitiously, though. The agents have not yet caught on to me strategically ordering Q up when I need to get them in line, and I'd rather keep it like that for as long as possible.

Next column is significant others or people that the agents themselves have cleared for me divulging medical information and all. It's empty for a lot of them, but that's usually not as much of an issue as it sounds.

Next columns are people to send after them if they pull a runner. That one I know by heart. The trick is finding out who's available. Scarlett's first contact is, and always will be, Tanner from admin upstairs. Don't know why, I don't ask, don't care. But Tanner's busy, and I have the feeling that she would appreciate someone who knows what it's like to come back from... that. So one of the other Double Oh, then you pull up the roster, check whether they're in, and Bob's your uncle.

Okay, I know that was a lot, but you're a quick study. I know you've heard all the horror stories about our most notorious patients but... Well, I'm sure you'll figure them out. Just don't -- Don't listen too much to others.

***

Oi, come over here, I need another pair of hands! Don't just stand there, it's only blood and there will be more if you don't put your hands right here!

Thank you! Fuck! Fuck!

007, get out of the way now, you did your part, we'll take over from here. We've got her, she's safe.

***

Fuck, I need more coffee. Thanks for that. Sorry for just jumping that on you and barking orders but -- Oh. Yeah, thanks. That doesn't usually happen, mind. By the time we take care of the patients, they're usually not in any immediate danger anymore. We do surgeries, but they're stable, not bleeding out anymore. At least when they get a medevac. 007 has a horrible track record of dragging his sorry arse all the way to London by himself, no matter his physical state. But still... This is not a regular occurrence. Hold on --

Bill? Yeah, she's in room two. She's not awake yet but I don't think she should be alone. Yeah, I sent James after -- Oh hush, you know better than that. She badly pulled those stitches of hers and -- Yeah, I think so. I mean she had wet hair and was scarcely dressed, so... Go see her. Can she stay with you, if she doesn't want to hang around? I'll make sure no one's watching. Thanks.

***

Now, how was your first week? Eventful enough? Exactly what you expected from working at Six?

Yeah I bet. Hope we haven't scared you off. Have a nice weekend, and see you on Monday.

***

Oh, hello. Had a nice weekend? What can I help you with?

What was that? Oh, yes, that's... Yes. I see. Of course. Let's... I'll be right with you. What did you say that they did in Q-branch that caused this?

Right. Of course. Just a regular Monday morning, right?

***

I'd like you to assist me this afternoon, if you don't mind. We've got 007 coming in from his latest mission and he's being transported back in with a medevac. It's not too bad, nothing you haven't seen before in clinic.

***

So, how was that for your first foray into Double Oh field medicine?

Oh no, I dare say he was perfectly pleasant, actually. Oh you sweet summer child. No. That was him being kind.

All right, now, what do you know about the mission?

No no, not the things that Bond told us, however begrudgingly. The rest.

Like what? The wound on his shoulder, for example.

Oh no, that's... older. That shoulder is just banged up. If you want a case study in "how is that human body still moving?", I recommend the files of 004, 007, and the previous 006. He retired, so he, too, is still moving around, just not in active service anymore. No, what I mean is the cuts that we tended to. What happened there?

It's all right, there's no shame in not knowing. I've spent years here learning to read between the lines, and you can do your job without ever questioning the pattern of injuries. Now, what I gather from those wounds is an explosion. The way those scratches were scattered, the kind of shrapnel we got out of the wounds, it all looks like an explosion inside of a building.

Then there's the bruising. It's on the opposite side, so that suggests - exactly, the blast probably flung him into a wall. There were marks on his thighs and arms that suggest close combat. The marks on his neck were the thing prompting me to ask whether wants to get tested.

Why I offer? Most agents are really conscientious about that part. Not 001, but then, I never have to treat him, either. He's sexist like that.

Thanks for your help, by the way. Don't count on Bond hanging around for the night, though. He's mobile enough, he might make a run for it.

***

Oh, hi. Sure I have a moment, what's up?

Whether what--? Oh. Oh!

Right. Sometimes I forget you've not been here for ages with how well you've managed to settle in. No, no, take the compliment.

So Q snuck up here with dinner for Bond yesterday evening? That's kind of him.

Did he? Well, usually I'd say, do with that what you will, but remember one thing, in this very specific case: There is such a thing as plausible deniability. Should two people who work together as closely as an agent and their handler be in a relationship, that might end their working relationship here. There are precautions to be met and everything. Unless that's inconvenient, because they clearly work well together and who would disrupt that. So sometimes, there's nothing where there's something, and everybody knows unless someone comes asking, you see?

Yes, they are. It was the most exciting thing I've seen happen here. They're actually good for each other, if you can believe it. A lid for every pot, as my gran used to say.

004 and Tanner? Oh Lord, no. She's the godmother to his daughters, though. I think they served together. Oh, yes, Tanner's a military man. Doesn't look like it, does he? No, from what I know, they were in some deep shit together and have been inseparable ever since.

Other gossip? I mean, someone probably warned you about the Double Ohs being prone to sexual advances, especially if they think they can wheedle some special treatment out of you. Everything else, I won't tell. I'm sure you've caught plenty on your own.

Now tell me, how's your first month been? Ready to take on your own patients?

***

Hey, could you fetch me a rape kit real quick? I don't want to leave her alone.

She's an agent, she says she's fine, all part of the job, but... She's only human, too, you know?

Thank you.

***

My goodness, I've got to tell you what just happened. So, you know how Nomi's currently here? Well, she just woke up, incredibly high on pain meds, and I went through the usual questions, who are you, do you know where you are, what day is it, and she answered it in absolute Double Oh fashion, and then we got to the current events question and i asked her who the current prime minister is, and she just groaned and mumbled "Don't make me say it'' and I think that counts, too, doesn't it?

Anyway, Miss Moneypenny showed up shortly after, awfully chipper for a Friday afternoon, and spent over an hour in there for the debrief. A bit long for a person who can't string two coherent thoughts together, don't you think?

***

Hey, can you take over Trevelyan's check up for me? My sister's in town and I'd love to meet up with her if you -- Oh thank you so much, you're a lifesaver.

Have you ever had the pleasure? No? Oh, well, it's rather easy, though he might try to get under your skin. Don't let him, he's all bark and no bite. Terry will be here, too -- yeah, PT, that's him, and Camilla from Q-branch -- I know, I know it sounds like a big thing, but it really isn't. Just routine check up, we just all pool together because it's more convenient. Trevelyan is Q-branch's test bunny for their new prosthesis that they're trying to link to his neural pathways and muscle impulses to use a robotic prosthetic that can react to those impulses. Mostly it's Camilla and Trevelyan talking and you and Terry looking pretty until your expertise is called upon.

Yeah, they're actually on to something there. Last time Alec started asking whether they could weaponise the thing, and I'm living in fear ever since.

Oh, right, that was before you. Trevelyan was 006, not too long ago, and he has a propensity for arson and explosions.

Still has, I meant what I said. He occasionally helps out in Q-branch. Those are usually the days when the fire alert goes off somewhere in the building.

I have a note with my standard questions and procedures for this meeting so I don't forget anything, I'll forward that to you. Alec will answer the questions before you can ask them, he knows them by heart.

Thank you so much, I owe you one. No, really. If I can jump in for you at some point, please let me know. All right. Thanks. See you!

***

Yeah, I heard. How... Well, stupid question, but how bad is it?

It's crazy, isn't it? When it's agents, that's no big deal, but Q? I ran into James -- Yeah, probably why he didn't kick up a fuss. You're welcome, but it really only was a coincidence. That man looked murderous, and I would know.

Yeah, he's in there with Q now. And I don't think he'll leave his side. I think M officially assigned him as Q's security detail now. We'll have to take care of the visitors. Not too many and all that. Not a problem we usually seem to have, but there's a first time for everything, huh?

Anything broken?

Cracked ribs are a bitch. I bet he's glad it's not his fingers. God, that's morbid. Okay, I gotta get going. I've got a meeting with the Head of Department.

Don't call him that! You're insulting those old and cranky dragons with that comparison.

Yeah, I also shudder to think what this is about. I'll let you know as soon as I'm done. Take care of the head boffin for me, will you?

***

I know, I can't believe it either! Head of Medical! Look at me, having even less time for my patients from here on out.

No, it's... Wow. Still can't believe it. Then you've got a new old and cranky dragon to complain about.

Thank you so much.

Hey, what would you say to a promotion?

***

I can't anymore. Just shoot me, please. Or let me take a good, deep breath from one of the funny gases we have around. Chloroform, nitrous oxide, I'm not picky.

I mean, I knew that the budget meeting had the potential to be my Waterloo, but this... It's so disgusting to argue for a budget that's supposed to keep people alive. No, we can't cut back on our expenses for the blood bank, we actually need that considering the state of our agents. Goodness.

***

Come on, hon. Go home. You did what you could, and nobody will feel better if you run yourself ragged. You did well. Good night.

[wifiwuxians]

Hear me out... Tokyo Mew Mew AU for the Yi City Fam

STOPPP I LITERALLY HAVE A TOKYO MEW MEW AU FOR LIKE A BUNCH OF CHARACTERS AND THEY'RE IN IT LOL BUT THIS NEEDS SOME REWORKING UH

first off, the cast. XY is Kisshu. he has to be. not because of any choice opinions on how to treat a lady or anything but because they're both the little shit who has given me gender envy. AQ is Pudding because look at them. enough said. also ever since i was a kid i was obsessed with the idea of Kisshu and Pudding having a sibling banter bond and i was robbed. i suppose XXC would be the obvious protagonist so Ichigo? I only say this bc I really REALLY WANT SL TO BE DEEP BLUE LMAOOO THAT HAIR!!!!!!! SL is in his villain era now

That aside, obviously it's not all 1:1. I still want to make AQ a monkey girl because that's too cute, but she fights with a staff! The cafe, which in this would be run by XXC himself (inherited it and the research from BSSR?) is less cutesy because they don't need to lure in teenage girls, but it's still a cozy and traditional place where you can rent out hanfu for the day or something adorable like that. Still 100% a front for a secret lab though. XXC's animal would be a great white heron, he'd get majestic wings and a flowy outfit that would still allow him to fight (and fly)! Since it's sort of lame to just have 2 animal people I sort of want SL to also be an animal person (a human-alien hybrid thing who is now also an animal person... save some for the rest of us), so he'd be a leopard >:) XY is just a cute lil alien showing his midriff and fucking around and waiting for his Great Leader to wake the fuck up so everyone can go home and he can kill every human on earth

XY's reason for hating humans, aside from the fact they stole his homeland and poisoned it, is that he was captured as an infant on a recon mission and terribly experimented on. that same recon mission resulted in the death of BSSR and SL's adoptive parents, who were working with her on her alien research. however, they were not the ones to cut this poor boy open, but it doesn't matter. All Scientists Must Die and all humans too.

XXC took AQ off the streets where she was performing for cash and had been doing so for years, he's trying to get her paperwork in order so she can go to school properly. she has no family save for him. they met on a rainy day, where XXC got in an accident trying to prevent AQ from suffering the same fate. she took him to the hospital and stayed by his side and they've been inseparable ever since. XXC never intended for her to get infused with animal DNA, as he wanted this to be a solo thing (it's XXC, he's self sacrificial to a fault), but the machine malfunctioned and she got caught in the blast. she's fine with this, as she would do anything to make XXC happy, even if she hates dealing with customers at the cafe and prefers to be the bookkeeper.

SL was also caught in the blast, as he was visiting the cafe to try and return a book to XXC. they both take the same environmentalism course at uni!! SL is unaware of his adoptive parents' work (until the story conveniently reveals it to him) and only knows they were researching the environment, so he's very studious and dedicated, serious and passionate, so their memory can live on and he can make them proud. but also he just loves nature. he's also unaware of the Darkness Inside Him though he has scary dreams sometimes. XXC is at first horrified to get him involved, but soon loves having him by his side; they train together and uncover more of their parents' research while fighting big weird aliens. XXC has been so alone ever since his mother's passing, putting on a brave face for everyone and trying to keep his spirits high, but AQ and SL becoming important parts of his life has been a balm for his soul. but then XY is there outside his window at 3 AM demanding they throw knives at each other until someone dies or some shit so his studies are falling behind a little bit lmao

as a fun extra, in the original massive AU with a bunch of non Yi City characters, XY was split into two (as i tend to do) and one was Kisshu and the other was Ichigo. think of XY in fun lil strawberry shorts and with the whole cat getup. it was great

SORRY THIS IS SO RAMBLY LMAO I LOVE TMM SM AHHH

[eternalchaoschocolaterain]

The Most Powerful Waitress

Chapter four

Chapter one: School's out

Chapter two: I'd hire me

Chapter three: No cure for me

Chapter five: Patience

Chapter six: I don't know

Chapter seven (final chapter): No one knows

Rinse and repeat

It hadn’t taken Merula long to find a new job. The accidental magic reversal squad was desperate for new recruits, which should have been her first sign to run. Even if she’d only worked there for a few hours, it had been a nightmare. Cleaning up after people who did stupid things was not the job for her. She should’ve known, instead of getting sacked for the second time. What a start to her career.

She paced around her house, unable to sit down. What the fuck was she supposed to do now? Every other job sounded more boring than the next, but without a job she couldn’t build experience, couldn’t show people her capabilities. What other jobs were out there that she hadn't thought of yet? She paused. What other jobs <i>were</i> out there? She went into the library, there had to be something here that could help her. Her library had never let her down before.

The library was her favourite room. Despite its size it still managed to feel cozy, with the fireplace casting a red glow on everything and the smell of books. Three of the walls were lined with blue bookshelves and the other had a large fireplace with the best sofa she ever sat in. The thing was light blue, soft, large and square, making it so she had room to stretch out any way she liked. There were pillows in all shapes and sizes, so she could be comfortable in any position. She pulled out some books for inspiration and stretched out.

Accountant? Yeah never. Pouring over numbers all day sounded dreadful. What could be worse than filling other people’s taxes? She’d rather go back to the reversal squad. Architect? She had never been interested in buildings, but having her name on one did sound good. As she progressed through the books, she noted the jobs that did sound interesting: auror, duelling champion, potioneer, researcher at the department of mysteries. Maybe even curse-breaker after all. Or maybe even a desk job. Surely there had to be paperwork that mattered?

‘Ru, you’re not going to believe this.’

Merula sat up when she heard Quinn, who had been out all day. She’d met up with Haywood in Diagon Alley, so Merula expected to hear all kinds of gossip when she got back. But Quinn’s face was a mixture of emotions she didn’t expect to see if this was solely about gossip. She rearranged her books and notes, allowing Quinn room to sit next to her.

‘What?’

‘I found a place, or Pen did. She asked me if I had a house yet and when she heard I didn’t, she came with this one.’

Her eyes widened. Even though she didn’t know what to guess, this hadn’t crossed her mind. She scrambled for a response, but all that came out was, ‘Oh’.

‘I mean it’s perfect.’ Quinn’s eyes gleamed as she spoke.

Normally Merula would’ve found this sweet, but right now it was all she could do not to snap. But she didn’t, because after all, not moving in together yet had been her idea.

‘It’s this little studio in a side street of Diagon Alley, I’ll be in the middle of everything! And it’s quite cheap because it’s so small. But I still can’t afford it right now, I only had enough for the deposit. I tried to tell Pen that I still don’t know when I’ll start working, but you know how she is. She paid the first month rent and insists she will pay more until I can pay her back. She’s going to help me move in tomorrow.’

‘Tomorrow?!’

‘Yes and Andre is coming too, we bumped into him running an errand. He wants to get me curtains and needs to measure the windows. And-’

‘Wait, let me guess, house warming party on Saturday?’ Merula couldn’t keep the bitterness from her voice. This went waaay to fast. She’d never expected Quinn to find a house the first day she went back to real life. In her mind Quinn would’ve taken a few weeks at least to find something. She crossed her arms in a huff. ‘You could’ve just left if you wanted to get away from me so bad.’

‘What are you getting at? Not moving in yet was your idea. You said you needed your space.’

‘I’m not making you move out right now! You can take months, I don’t care.’

She wouldn’t have minded. This whole vacation had gone better than she could’ve imagined. She’d worried Quinn would’ve wanted to spend every second together, which she did, but she hadn’t complained once about Merula’s need for time alone. Which to Merula’s surprise she hadn’t needed as much of as she thought. Reading together in silence worked as well as reading alone. They had a few arguments, mostly in the morning, but nothing serious.

Mornings turned out to be much better together. Waking up with cuddles and having nice breakfasts made for a great start of the day. Being together had been the best anyway. This whole time they’d been able to cuddle, kiss and everything else whenever they wanted. No one to look out for or having to be worried about being interrupted. They’d have to schedule time for that now, starting tomorrow apparently!

‘You’re just in a hurry to leave me!’

‘I’m not! I would stay if you asked.’

‘I’m not going to beg you to stay. I don’t need you.’ Merula spat. ‘Just go and have fun with your friends.’

‘Fine.’ Quinn’s voice had gotten soft and low and Merula knew she hurt her. But at the moment she didn’t care. She wasn’t the one that had decided to leave! ‘I guess I’ll go tell Pen that we can have the housewarming this weekend.’ Quinn got up and sped out of the library.

Of course something like this would happen. She should have known, nothing good ever lasted. Let Quinn tell Haywood to have that stupid party, but they better not invite her!

Wait.

She got up and hurried to her bedroom. Quinn’s trunk laid open on the bed and Quinn stood next to it, gesturing at the large wardrobe. Clothes flew out, folding themselves on top of each other. She raised her eyebrow at Merula for a moment, but kept her focus on her clothes. Merula leaned against the doorpost and watched her. Despite her conflicting emotions, she couldn’t help but marvel at Quinn’s seemingly effortless use of both wandless and non-verbal magic. She’d taught her well.

‘There's no housewarming party this weekend?’

‘Give me a moment and there will be.’

‘I thought you’d have one.’

‘I will, but I wanted to do it next weekend. I wanted to spent time with you, but I guess you did get tired of me.’ She kept gesturing at her clothes.

‘I didn’t.’ Quinn gave her an expectant look and Merula sighed. ‘I want to spent time with you too.’

She finally stopped moving her clothes. ‘You know, this is fast for me too. But I’m not passing up on a perfect studio just because it’s fast. Besides Penny wouldn’t let me anyway.’ Quinn smirked a little and Merula rolled her eyes.

‘Typical Haywood.’ They were both silent for a few moments. ‘So, uh, you still want to come over?’

‘Yes!’ Quinn came over and hugged her tight. ‘I love spending time with you.’

‘Good.’ Merula hugged her back. It would take time to get used to this new reality. Outside of the summer vacations they’d seen each other every day for the past seven years. Every day! Now they would have to plan. She nuzzled Quinn’s neck, comforted by her familiar forestry smell, with hints of juniper and pine. It would be fine, things would be fine. They could plan. It wouldn’t change things, wouldn’t change them.

Quinn kissed the side of her face. ‘So, how was your day?’

‘It sucked. I need a new job.’

‘What went wrong with this one?’

‘People are dumb, that’s what went wrong.’ Her frustrations about the day resurfaced with a force and she let go of Quinn so she could fall backwards on her bed. ‘The reversal squad is all about cleaning up after dumb people doing dumb things and having to pretend it’s fine. It’s just a mistake. This can happen to anyone.’ Merula buried herself deeper into her bed with a groan. ‘I tried to be nice about it, but then we answered this call about a young man getting himself splinched.’

Of course it had to be Barnaby. He had been trying to get his apparition license. All he had left to do was to apparate from a field near the Forbidden Forest to the other side of Hogsmeade. Something he should have been capable of, but he failed because he saw a hippogriff flying over the forest. ‘A really pretty one!’ According to him. That unbelievable oaf got himself splinched over a hippogriff and ruined his exam. She hadn’t minced words when she saw him, because he should have done better. But her supervisor and Barnaby had for some reason decided she was rude and insulting, like it was her fault Barnaby had been as stupid as he had! But since she was so ‘difficult and rude’ she couldn’t be worked with and had to leave. Well, it wasn’t like she had enjoyed any second of that job, so good riddance to them!

‘Is Barnaby okay?’ Quinn asked when she finished. She had joined Merula on the bed, sitting cross-legged against the headboard.

‘Of course he is. They found his ear and toes and reattached them. He’s fine.’

‘Oh, good!’

They were silent for a moment and Merula decided to summon her notes. ‘I was actually doing research when you came in.’

Quinn looked them over. ‘Are you going to try any of these jobs?’

‘Of course, I’m not giving up. It’s just, I don’t know which one yet. I mean, I know I want something exciting. Can you imagine anything worse than being stuck with a boring job? These jobs sounded okay to me, but I don’t know. What do you think?’

‘I think you might make a great duellist. You’re fast, very brave and you pick up new things in a flash.’

‘I do like a good battle.’

A ticking noise sounded from the window before either of them could say something else. A long-eared owl perched on the window sill and continued tapping until Quinn opened the window. At the same time, Merula summoned the bowl of snacks she had for the owls that delivered the paper and brought it over.

‘It’s for me.’ Quinn sounded surprised when she took the letter. ‘And it’s blank.’

‘Let me see.’ Merula turned it around and cast a few spells, but the parchment remained blank. ‘Do you think someone is pranking you?’

‘I don’t know. It doesn’t even have a name- wait, look!’

Words appeared on the backside of the letter.

I can fill up a room and take no space. When I’m gone darkness takes my place.

‘A riddle, and a really easy one too.’ Quinn frowned, took the letter back and cast lumos on the parchment. Next moment dark blue ink appeared on the letter.

Dear Quinn Lee,

Your first day is tomorrow. Report to the ministry at half-past nine o’clock.

‘That’s it?’ She turned the letter around and shone the light there to no avail. ‘I still don’t know anything. Report to the ministry? Do they realise how big- Fuck!’ The letter went up in flames and Quinn flapped her hands around.

‘Come sit.’ Merula gestured at the bed and went to get burn-healing paste. She massaged Quinn’s hands when she applied it.

‘Thanks.’

‘So, tomorrow.’

‘Apparently, except I still don’t know where to go, or who to meet, or what I’ll be doing.’ Quinn pursed her lips. Then she perked up. ‘I’m going to make us a nice dinner.’

She got up so fast that her circle skirt twirled around her legs. Merula let her go and waited a bit before following her into the kitchen, giving Quinn a moment to gather herself and push any sort of anger or frustration down. Not that Merula would mind seeing Quinn like that. If you asked her, anger was a perfectly healthy outlet for frustration or just about any other feeling. Sometimes the world deserved to be set on fire. For some reason though, Quinn didn’t like being angry, especially not about things she couldn’t change. Or thought she couldn’t change, like this job. From what Quinn told her Moody and Dumbledore had arranged this job for her, expecting her to be grateful about it. Even though they never asked for her opinion. Merula couldn’t understand why Quinn worried more about disappointing them than having a job she wanted, but she thought getting angry was useless and she’d rather be happy. Whatever worked for her.

When she thought enough time had passed, she went to the kitchen. It had pink quartz countertops atop white cabinets running along two walls and a white sink underneath the window overlooking the garden. The table in the middle and its chairs matched the colour scheme, as did the stove that was built into the other wall. Her dad had done the kitchen and while Merula liked pink, this was too much. She’d thought about changing it numerous times and told herself to just take some time to at least try out some new colours, but for some reason she never did.

Quinn stood by the window, kneading some dough with such force that her ponytail swung from side to side. The muscles in her arms tensed as she pressed into the dough and folded it over and over. Merula walked over and put her arm around Quinn’s waist.

‘Fresh pasta?’

Quinn hummed an agreement.

‘Hey,’ Merula gently bumped her hip, ‘you’ll do fine tomorrow. You are the second most powerful witch, they are the ones who should feel honoured to get to work with you, not the other way around.’

‘I just wish I knew more about it. I don’t know what am I going to do, or where. I mean, do they even want me or did they get as much choice as I did?’

Ah, so that was her real issue. She should’ve known. ‘Oh please, everyone always loves you, where-ever you go. They might not know it yet, but they’re going to love you. It’s one of those annoying things about you.’

The corners of Quinn’s lips turned up a little. ‘You think so?’

‘No, I know so.’

‘Thanks.’

Quinn turned and gave her a quick kiss, which reminded Merula.

‘You forgot to greet me with a kiss today.’

A mischievous smile spread on Quinn’s face. ‘I did, didn’t I? I was hoping you forgot about it.’

‘Cheeky. I’ll keep that in mind when I think about a way you can make it up to me.’ She gave her another kiss before letting go to sit at the table.

Quinn resumed working on her dough. ‘What are you going to do tomorrow?’

‘Find a new job.’

If only this one would stick. For the first time she felt a little uncertain. This was supposed to be the easy part, but it didn’t feel easy right now. She pushed the feeling down, she was a Snyde. Snydes always bounced back. So what if she had a little trouble, nothing was too big for her. She could do this. Maybe she’d try the dreaded desk job. As long as they didn’t make her clean up other people’s messes it couldn’t be as bad as the reversal squad. Might as well try something new, until she figured out what she wanted. She could start at the ministry, plenty of desk jobs there. Knowing herself it would be mere hours before she had a new job, she could be quite convincing if she wanted to. It would be fine.

[thelampisaflashlight]

Some silly little thoughts and headcanons on Dew working in the abbey’s library... because I had ideas. Below the cut because this got longer than I expected.

-Dew started volunteering in the abbey’s library by request of Omega, who had seen a lack of direction and so-called “worldly understanding” in the younger ghoul, and wanted to use it as an opportunity to get him into the swing of things and to help him adapt to being around/working with humans.

However, another reason Omega set him up in the library in particular was because, well... he didn’t know if Dew could read.

It wasn’t a malicious decision mind you, but Omega had gotten more than a little concerned seeing how often Dew got others to fill out his paperwork or just ordered the same thing as someone else at a restaurant when the menu didn’t have pictures, and asking him was getting him nowhere, so he was hoping placing him in an environment like the library would get him to open up a little about what was going on.

It took about a week and a half for Dew to breakdown and admit that he didn’t know what he was doing or where things were supposed to go, but not for the reason Omega had expected; It hurt his eyes.

It hurt his eyes.

Dew was stuck in a constant, blurry torment since he was summoned, used to having the distortion of wind or water around him, he could easily play off any vision problems as a result of his environment.

On the surface though?

Not so much.

One trip to the eye doctor later, and Dew is much happier, and doing an all-round better job at... still not doing his paperwork.

Yeah, turns out Omega wasn’t wrong in his hypothesis either.

-Thanks to Omega’s decision to stick Dew in the library early on, he has a very strong attachment to the place, which is why none of the siblings or other staff members are worried about a fire ghoul hanging out in there... except maybe for the newer ones, but they learn quickly that Dew would never intentionally destroy any of the books inside... the people however.

Let’s just say Dew is pretty strict on the whole “quiet area” rule.

-Sometimes, when Dew is bored and not in a mood for his usual shenanigans, he’ll sneak into the library to sort out the books in the book return and log/organize the various materials they have, and nobody has caught on that it’s him doing it, because why would he, of all people, do something like that?

He also cleans the children’s reading nook and vacuums the rugs, wipes down the tables and... 

Let’s just say it’s really obvious when Dew is stressed about something, because that library is pristine.

-Nine times out of ten, when a new book appears in the library, it’s Dew’s doing. It’s usually a children’s book or some kind of young adult novel, but from time to time it’s a book he thinks would cause confusion/curiosity or because he thinks one of the siblings or his packmates would like to read without him having to give it to them directly.

-Dew keeps extra copies of the books he likes in his room, because he knows if he checks them out from the library, they’re not going back.

-Dew has an extensive knowledge of the church’s history as a result of how much reading he’s done, but is he going to admit that he knows? Fuck no.

If he really has to, he’ll say some random sibling told him or he’ll pose it as a theory, but he prefers to make the others do their own research, and he’s not a nerd so-

Okay, he’s kind of a nerd, but he has an image to protect.

And lastly;

-Dew has secret reading spots all over the abbey, usually, if someone finds a ghoul nest in a weird spot, it’s because Dew decided it would be a nice place to read, and, well, you have to be cozy to do that so...

His favorite place to read is his room though, and that’s why at least one other ghoul knows about this particular hobby of his.

[thedawningofthehour]

Hey! I just finished my first read of tdoth and I loved it. Finally some good fucking food.

I have one (ok many but I'll start with one) question though. The quill Raph uses to sign his contract is enchanted to verify the user's identity. But the end of Act 2 when Drax has Gale sign his will, he uses the same kind of quill. Wouldn't that not work, since he's not actually Galois Draxum? Or wouldn't it catch that he's under a hypnotism spell?

In the passage, Galois comments on how weird it is that Draxum didn't enchant the quill himself. Is that supposed to be a clue that Draxum got someone more talented than him to do it, so it would let Galois sign his fake name?

Loving all this, look forward to more asks in the days to come!

Hey, glad you liked it! Also I'm so sorry about the weeks you just lost.

So just some clarification on the nature of the spell Draxum used, (I swear we're getting to some proper exposition eventually) Gale is no longer under the influence of any spell. The spell itself only lasted for a few days, a week at most, so no detection spell would pick up on it more than a year out. One aspect of it is that the recipient can't doubt anything they're told while under the spell, they'll accept it as fact and rewrite whatever's necessary in their brains to make it work. And Draxum made a very masterful move in telling Gale that Draxum would never lie to him. This allows him to still maintain control over what Galois will believe long after the spell has worn off-it's not completely foolproof, if Draxum told him something that was demonstratably false (like, I dunno, 2+2=5 or something) then that could break it, but Gale would sooner assume his father is joking or is incorrect, and Draxum isn't exactly keen on stress-testing those boundaries.

The reason he didn't enchant the quill himself is actually pretty straightforward-he didn't want these types of questions raised after his death. If he'd done it himself someone could argue that the wrong enchantment was used or that it wasn't done right, calling the validity of his will into question. Draxum has a lot of assets that would be important to many people in power, and Gale is a mutant who everyone knows is an illegal experiment of his and whose legal identity is kind of on shaky ground. Draxum is trying to make sure there's absolutely no legitimate reason for Galois's claim to be called into question or dismissed. People will still try to cheat him out of his inheritance, but if Draxum dots his i's and crosses his t's then Galois will have a much easier time prevailing.

And the enchantment doesn't exactly 'verify the user's identity.' What it's meant to to detect is whether the writer writes their name. Basically, whether they're lying or not. It didn't activate for Gale because he believes Galois Draxum is his name. There's no lie for it to detect.

Also, he literally is Galois Draxum from a legal standpoint. Galois Draxum has a birth certificate and mutation certificate and whatever the Yokai equivalent of a SSN is. Draxum has a bunch of paperwork affirming that Galois is his son. (he probably claimed him on his taxes) Galois Draxum legally exists, while Donatello Hamato very much does not. And to be perfectly fair, the turtles were Draxum's sons first. Splinter kidnapped him first.

[writefinch]

FRIENDLY CHAT

Hey! Sorry to pull you in here before your break, we just need a quick chat. So, long story short, uh, a customer complained that you point-blank offered him a condom.

This isn't the first time. You know it's against company policy. You're only supposed to get them if the customer requests it first. Like, you're not even supposed to have them on display. I know that part is stupid, but if the regional manager checks the tapes and sees condom bowls in plain view, I'd still get written up.

No, no, absolutely not, I'm not going to write you up. I don't think it's necessary and you know it goes totally against my management style. I want to talk through your concerns.

I wanna remind you that we take all the recommended industry-standard precautions. In fact we go above them! First off, you're fully vaxxed, and that's the end of ninety percent of things to worry about, period. You've got an IUD on the company health plan, even though your T-shots probably suppress it. The customers get a physical screen in the waiting area. All us boys and girlies get tested every three weeks, twice as frequent as the industry standard.

That's already extensive, it makes you safer than the vast majority of people in our line of work. If we did any more, customers will get the wrong idea. They'll think we're an unclean brothel with unclean customers. It'd remind them too much of all the you-know-what from the past few years.

Yes, you're not wrong about that. Breakthrough infections happen, and people get sick. But you know what I'm gonna say? You're very robust, you know that? You've been here for what, eighteen months, you've been pulling long hours and beacoup extra shifts and you've barely caught a sniffle. The testosterone must be helping!

Now you might not stay this lucky forever, that's why we have six paid sick days and a flexible admin rota. Usually when you catch something it'll be a mild itch and trouble peeing. You won't even wanna rest, and yeah you won't get the full rate for paid clients, you can still get paid to do the laundry and the paperwork for a week while it clears up.

Every year I get a couple of colds from my kids and take three or four days off, and every year I always get a VD from one of the clients and spend a week washing sheets and cleaning dildos. You know what that gives me? Two or three days rolled over into vacation time!

Yes, you can get unlucky. You can get a couple of back-to-back infections. I tell every boy and girl who starts here the same thing: before they take out a loan on a new car or move out of their toxic roommate situation, make sure to get two weeks pay in a savings account. Even if you do have to dip into your rainy day fund, you know full well that there's always extra shifts to pick up around here.

Yeah, you can catch something nasty. You can have a bad reaction. We all remember how scary it was before the vaccines were available. But here's the thing: you drive to work, right? You're on the freeway twice a day. Forty-thousand people die every year in car crashes, and tens of thousands more get life-changing injuries. You don't spend every day worrying about that, right?

You just get on with it and live your life.

Look, I'm really sorry about this whole thing. You're really special to me, you know that? You're a genuine friend to me, I mean that. We get on really well, all the girls love you, you're a hit with clients and that's why I jumped on this y'know? This job is only as fun as the people here make it, and I don't want to see you written up for something that can be talked out.

Discipline here is so stupid. I'm fucking sick of the owners hassling girls, and boys, out of working here and then crying and bitching when we can't meet customer demand.

I said I'd be out of here as soon as I get my HVAC cert but if they put us all through that again I'll just quit on the spot. That's why I want to look out for you. You've helped me through some really difficult times, on shift and off. I wouldn't have been able to get through junket season without you. I'm serious, if you hadn't joined when you did, there'd be gun laws named after me.

Thanks for listening, and again, I'm sorry for even bringing this stuff up. Just promise you'll keep what I've said in mind? We've all got to look out for each other here.

Hey, once you're back from break, can I have your help with something? I've got a no-refusal client and well, all the other girls refused. What? No I don't want you to take him, c'mon man I'm not gonna let you off a written warning to guilt you into picking up my shit, honestly! No, I'm the supervisor on shift so it's up to me.

Anyway he's not into boys, even pretty ones like you, sorry. But he's a real charmer, so would you mind sticking close in case he starts throwing up or throwing hands? If I have to hit the panic button I think Sergei will throw him out of a window, and nobody needs that headache.

Thanks, I really appreciate it. We'll be in the spa room, so let me know when you're ready to play pool boy…