#Lamp rambles

[thelampisaflashlight]

Dew, walking into the living room: "Hey, cosmic twink, can you, like, send me the title of the video you wanted me to watch instead of the link?" Aeon, confused: "Huh? But the link brings you directly to the video." Dew: "I know, I know, just humor me here, okay?" Aeon, typing out the name, sends it: "Better?" Dew, leaving the room: "Much." Aeon, looking at Rain: "I don't get it." Rain, shrugging: "Dew has this thing where he doesn't like receiving links, blame being a computer geek for so long, he'd rather find things on his own or something... I dunno." -stretches- "He won't even use the smart speaker in the kitchen. He keeps trying to throw it out." Dew, from down the hallway: "IT'S AN ANGEL SENT FROM HEAVEN TO SPY ON US!" Aeon: "...I feel like I've heard that before, but, like, about us." Rain: "He does say that a lot-"

[thelampisaflashlight]

Rain, relaxing by the lake with Cumulus: "Lus?" Cumulus, lowering her sunglasses: "Yes, Rainy?" Rain: "Showed Dew my dick earlier." Cumulus: "Oh-ho-ho~? What'd he say?" Rain, looking out over the water, introspective: "..." -breathes- "Well, after he asked why I was in his room, his follow up question was, 'Why is it blue?' and then he pulled out paint swatches-" Cumulus, confused: "Why did he have paint swatches??" Rain: "He was painting a wall in his room, and he just... held a couple swatches up to my dick and was like, 'Ah, it's a gradient...'... So apparently my dick is ultramarine." Cumulus, glancing down: "So, anything else happen or just color matching?" Rain, laying back: "Well, after that, Mountain came back from running an errand..." Cumulus: "I forgot they're roommates... Oh shit. Mount saw your dick, too then??" Rain: "Didn't even bat an eyelash, dude just went, 'They were out of soy milk, and I ain't gonna drink nut milk, so I guess it's dry cheerios for breakfast today.' like it was the most normal thing to witness." Cumulus: "Really makes you wonder what goes on in that dorm, huh..." -Meanwhile, in Mountain and Dew's dorm room- Mountain: "WHY WERE YOU COLOR MATCHING HIS PENIS?!" Dew, crying: "I PANICKED BECAUSE IT WAS BIG, OKAY?! I WAS PLAYING IT COOL AND CASUAL!!!" Mountain, head in his hands: "AT LEAST WARN A GUY BEFORE HE WALKS IN ON THAT! I WAS TALKING ABOUT NUT MILK FOR CRYING OUT LOUD-"

[thelampisaflashlight]

Copia, talking to Dew in his office: "I'm not accusing you of anything, but in order to rule you out as a suspect, I need to know what you were doing last night when the the microwave blew up in the cafeteria." Dew, crossing his arms: -looking away- Copia: "Dewdrop." Dew, closing his eyes, embarrassed: "I don't wanna say it." Copia, firmly: "Dewcifer Maurice Drop, what were you doing last night when the microwave exploded?" Dew, folding like a house of cards: "Can I... Can I write it down?" Copia, confused, but relenting: "Alright." -slides him a pen and a notepad- "Go ahead." Dew: -starts writing- Copia, reading: "In your..." -pauses, looks at Dew, then back at the paper- "Well, there's Mountain's alibi... Oh. Oh and Cirrus." Dew: -taps the page- Copia: "...And... And Ps...Psaltarian?? Satanas..." Dew: "..." Copia: "...I see... Well then that..." Dew: "Yeah, I wasn't exactly gonna be able to walk after that-" Copia: "Right, you're free to go, I don't wanna hear anymore." Dew, gets up, moans involuntarily, braces against the chair: "...You'll tell no one." Copia, picking up the notepad: "I think everyone already knows-"

[thelampisaflashlight]

Dew: "Sometimes, when I'm angry with Rain, I start calling him stupid shit, like, Mizzle or Sprinkle or Condensed Moisture. Ya know, his name but not his name." -arms crossed, looks over at Rain- "...Or at least I think about it. I think about it, and then I realize I'd have to explain it to him, and that requires looking in his stupid, pretty, big ol' brown eyes and suddenly I ain't mad. Asshole." Rain, smiling goofily: -gives a tiny wave- Dew, looks away, closes his eyes: "Focus, Dewcifer, you're mad at him. Just picture yourself laying into him and then go for it." -furrows brow, eyes open- "...Stars above, now I'm horny, dammit-"

[thelampisaflashlight]

Aether, appearing in the kitchen suddenly, on a phone call: "Assert dominance over your man by gripping his balls with just enough force to let him know you could rip them off if you wanted to, and gentle enough to let him know he's at your mercy-" -stops mid conversation to grab a donut and kiss Dew's forehead as he passes through- "-Then twist them-" Swiss, dropping his fork back down on his plate: "What the fuck." Dew, nibbling on his own donut: "It is what it is." -picking up his coffee mug- "I'm sure his advice is sound." Swiss: "But... but the balls..." Dew: "He's been dabbling as a marriage counselor with a side hustle as a divorce lawyer." Swiss: "...I'm somehow more concerned." Dew: "One hand washes the other as they say-"

[thelampisaflashlight]

Swiss, being cocky: -teasing Cumulus about her height- Cumulus: -gestures for Swiss to lower himself down onto her level- Swiss: -does so expecting her to whisper something- Cumulus: -motioning for him to drop down further- Swiss, gets on his knees, smirking: "Finally seeing eye to-" Cumulus, tipping his chin up, glaring down at him: "The next time you try and act all high and mighty, remember how easily you dropped to the ground without me having to say a single word. I'm the one in charge here, talk down to me again and I'll make your nose touch the ground." Swiss, actually intimidated: "Oh. Oh damn, okay-"

[thelampisaflashlight]

Dew, standing in front of a projector screen: "Everyone's always curious about the abbey's history, so I figured I'd throw together a little slide show to explain what we know about the place." -clicks to the first slide- "As we can see here, we have a sketch done in charcoal by one of the monks who resided on the land back in the early 1500's and... Huh." Mountain, sees Dew looking at him: "What? What is it?" Dew, pointing at one of the builders in the background of the sketch: "Does that look like Mount to you guys?" Everyone, turning: -looking at Mountain and then back at the slide, then back to Mountain- Mountain, arms crossed: "What? A man can't have had a life before?" Dew: "Bitch, how fucking old are you-"

[thelampisaflashlight]

Rain, sopping wet, trudging in from outside: "...Did you know it is me-ing outside-"

[thelampisaflashlight]

Rain: "Sometimes, I go into Dew's closet and put random clothes in there to see if he notices or even cares, and the answer so far has been no, because he approaches fashion the same way Adam Sandler does; He just wears whatever he finds in there, and, as such, I've had to... curate a couple outfits for him on the sly if I want to see him in them without asking for it specifically." -watching Dew wander around the kitchen dressed in a shark costume- "...That being said, sometimes he still amazes me." Dew, in the confessional later, still dressed like a shark: "I put it on to fuck with Rain, because I know he's been making outfits for me to wear, 'cause he thinks my fashion sense isn't very good, but then the zipper broke and I guess this is just my life now-"

[thelampisaflashlight]

Dew, in the confessional: "Okay, so this one's kind of a doozy... I'm not a ghoul." -pauses for a moment, then continues- "Like, I kind of just went along with it, because everyone thought I was, and I've been bluffing my way through everything and somehow haven't been caught yet, but it's starting to get really awkward in the den, because everyone's like, 'Come on, show us your tail!' or 'We wanna see your horns!' and, like, I don't have any of those, what do I fucking do??" Copia, processing this: "...Then how have you been doing fire magic??" Dew, crying: "Bitch, I don't know, that's why I'm asking you!" Copia, crying, too: "That's scary!" Dew: "I KNOW!"

[thelampisaflashlight]

Swiss, in his nature documentary voice, observing Aeon: "The young ghoul enters the den, seeking a place to rest and recover from the night's hunt." Aeon, bleary eyed and grumpy: -hungover from the party they threw in the woods last night- Swiss: "Hoping to find a comfortable perch to settle upon, the ghoul scopes out his surroundings, but finds, to his dismay, that the most comfortable spot has been taken up by an elder male." Dew, laying on the couch: -passed out with the tv remote in his hand- Swiss: "Though smaller in size then the younger ghoul, the elder male is incredibly territorial, and will wake easily if disturbed, grumbling something about how he's 'watching that' should anyone attempt to remove the object in his possession." Aeon, looking over the back of the couch at Dew: -sticking his leg over and stepping onto the space between Dew and the cushions- Swiss, watching closely: "A bold move, what does he hope to accomplish?" Aeon, maneuvering over: -sits down on Dew and then leans forward until his head is in the crux of Dew's neck- Swiss, blinking: "Huh." Dew, waking up from the sudden weight on his body: "...Don't touch the remote... I'll kill you..." Aeon: -loud purring- Dew, wraps his arms around Aeon, still clinging to the remote: -goes back to sleep- Swiss: "...What."

[thelampisaflashlight]

Dew, sitting in the living room with his feet propped up: "I told Aeon I lost my will to live and he's been searching for it for about an hour now. Bless him for trying, but devil below is that man a fool." Aeon, searching under furniture: "I haven't found it yet, but I'll keep looking! Don't worry!" Dew, smiling fondly, whispering: "...Perhaps there are some good things about this life after all." Aeon, thinking: "...If I keep goofing around like this, it'll make Dew laugh a bit, so there's that."

[thelampisaflashlight]

A RainDrop thought for this morning while I attempt to wake up for work. Let's go.

Rain likes to lay on top of Dew, like, just go completely dead weight on top of him and really lock him in place, and Dew spends the entire time chirping like, "Dude? Dude. Dude!" because he doesn't want to get squished, but then he just kinda settles into it.

As it would turn out, all that chirping is just him being dramatic, however, if he makes a sort of guinea pig "moip" sound, he actually is being crushed and he would very much like not to be.

Sometimes, if people see Rain climbing onto Dew and they can hear him fussing about it, they'll chastise him about it, but then both of them will look at the person with the most annoyed faces.

To love is to squish for them, and how dare you-

Once, Rain accidentally stepped on Dew trying to get into the right position to flop down on top of him, and the sound that escaped him sounded like a deflating squeak toy followed by a yelp, and because Rain laughed, Dew flipped over and kicked him off the bed.

Man was devastated.

[thelampisaflashlight]

Psaltarian, entering Copia's office: "Your mother's ghouls keep showing up in the mausoleum and-" Copia, putting down his paperwork: "Seestor-Mother had ghouls?" Psaltarian, holding a whimpering Cowbell and Special by the ears: "Who did you think these two belonged to??" Copia: "The old bastard?" Psaltarian: "No, no, Nihil's ghouls were inherited by Primo." -shaking his head- "At any rate, these two keep trying to climb on top of the coffin and sleep on it, so you need to invest in better locks." Copia, looking at the ghouls: "Why would they do that?" Special, sad: "We miss her..." Cowbell, poking the tips of his fingers together: "...Hungry-" All: "NO!"

[thelampisaflashlight]

Cumulus: "A lot of people think Dew yells when he's mad, but that's not his thing; He doesn't wanna hurt his vocal chords. Believe it or not, but he's our secret little song bird, but I digress." -waves her hand- "When he's mad, Dew stares, like, through you. He stares into your fucking soul and decides you are nothing without saying a single goddamned word. Just look there." Aeon, being stared down: -whimpering, tail between their legs- Dew, narrowing his eyes very slightly: "..." Aeon, trembling: "I'M SORRY!" Cumulus, hands on her hips: "I dunno what they even did to deserve that..." Dew: -lets out the biggest, wettest sneeze- Cumulus: "...Ah, allergy season, right." Dew, looking at Aeon: "Why are you crying-"

[thelampisaflashlight]

Aether, to no one in particular: "You might like Dew a lot, you may even love him, but you will never love him as much as I love this guy. He is my boy. My bestie." -holding Dew up by his armpits like one might display a cat- "And this guy loves me back! Don'tcha, bud?" Dew: -gives a thumbs up- Swiss: "I'm surprised he hasn't bit you yet." Aether, covered in band-aids: "Now I never said he didn't do that-"