#how much negativity has been spouted at him this season

[petit-papillion]

[xtarmanderx]

I don’t ever post things like this here because this is primarily my writing side blog, but it feels too important not to say something.

I started writing 9-1-1 fics for the Buddie fandom and for a friend who was near and dear to me. I quickly left the fandom because of the mods for an event that I was participating in and how awful they were to one of my best friends that joined the event with me. That completely killed my desire to interact with the Buddie fandom at all and I don’t know if I will ever finish posting the fic that I poured my heart into for said event. Because that fic is fully done, but those encounters with those fans made me never want to write Buddie again.

And then Tommy Kinard came along.

And holy fuck, I fell in love with him so fast. I immediately rewatched the show after he reappeared in season 7 because I was so fascinated with his character. And then I fell in love with Lou Ferrigno Jr. and began watching S.W.A.T. just to get glimpses of him and I grew to love that show and its characters, too. And I read his interviews and saw how happy he was to be back on the show and it made me happy, too.

Then I saw all the hate and negativity.

It filled me with so much anger and I blocked so many people across so many different forms of social media so I no longer had to see it. All I wanted was to surround myself with positivity.

Because I’ve been that bitch.

There are people no longer in certain fandoms because of me and I’ll never be able to apologize enough for the ways that I hurt them. Sorry will never be enough to mend those bridges that I poured kerosene on.

It’s why I’ve stayed in my corner and all of my fic comments have been generic, which isn’t who I used to be. I used to engage and leave long comments, but honestly I’ve been terrified to try and join any new community. Because I am fucking terrified of reverting back to the person I never want to be again.

My best friend started watching the show again after I went to his house for dinner and had him watch the BuckTommy kiss episode with me. The last five minutes of that episode, I told him to put his phone down and pay full attention and he was completely engaged and was so happy to see another queer couple onscreen. It gave us something else to bond over every week as we would watch and text about what was happening.

Tonight’s text:

This coming from a gay man who does not engage in fandom spaces at all and who felt blindsided, too. Like so many of us did.

I immediately started writing a fix it fic because that’s who I am. I want to write the endings I want to see. And then I stopped writing and sent Lou a message directly because I needed to get something off my chest.

I was raised in a broken home. Raised by racists who belittled me endlessly and have told me within the last couple of years that I am their least favorite child. I am the youngest of 6. That shit was heartbreaking. It’s a wound that will never heal. But why am I bringing it up? Why does that matter?

Because I saw myself in Tommy. I saw a character who represented the worst parts of my youth, who spouted hateful things my parents taught me to say and then spent years having to unlearn those things. Lou talked about his own ideas about Tommy’s past and it struck so close to home for me. Because Tommy showed he was capable of change. And I did, too. It took therapy and years of reflection and being hyperaware now of the shit I say and having to constantly stay on top of my own thoughts and correct them.

I have been dating a woman of color for the last 9.5 years and she’s the love of my life. She has been there through every stumble and stayed even when my passive aggressive inclinations got the better of me. And I saw so much of myself reflected in Tommy Kinard’s character and Lou’s portrayal of him and saw our relationship in Buck and Tommy, too.

Tonight hit me so much harder than expected. And this probably seems like a jumbled mess of thoughts, which it is, but I needed to get some things off my chest and out into the world.

This is not the week that so many of us were expecting. This hurt. We’re allowed to be upset and need time to process. I sure as hell do.

But I do want to say a heartfelt thank you to anyone who has brought joy and friendship to this fandom. The fics that have been written are amazing and the art has been fantastic. I’ve seen some people make lifelong friends in the past few months thanks to this. It sure as hell strengthened some of mine.

So, if you need a friend right now, know that I’m here. I’ve been subdued for a while, but I refuse to lose out on more joy in my life. Not when we all desperately need it. So I’m here for you.

And please remember to be kind. Don’t let anyone take that superpower away from you.

[the-somwthing]

I gotta talk to people so bad so I’m just gonna spout something that’s been on my mind for a while

I see a lot of people always describing Joel and Scott’s rivalry as one sided. Like, Joel just hates Scott and Scott doesn’t care? And while I feel like that statement is technically true, it doesn’t really describe the situation very well.

It sort of implies that Scott’s never out to get Joel, and Joel is just coming after Scott for no reason. I won’t deny that Joel does like to come after Scott without provocation sometimes, but like… we are ignoring the fact that 3/5 Joel final deaths have been at Scott’s hand?

In two seasons, those kills were a result of a deliberate hunt to get rid of Joel specifically. In Last Life, I’ll give him a bit of a pass, since Joel did kind of start the fight with a big explosion and had been the “villain” for the entire season, it makes enough sense to try to end him like that.

But in LIMITED LIFE?? As a Joel viewer I am NEVER getting over the feeling of watching his final episode (not negative, just baffling in a way I find pretty fun lol). Scott randomly says “Joel needs to die” and everyone just agrees I guess? And then Joel is being witch hunted. “Oh but it’s because he was getting so many kills! Duh!” Grian had more. Grian LITERALLY got a quad kill (ON SCOTT FOR THAT MATTER) and Scott’s like “JOEL is the problem, the murderous evil of the server”. LIKE HELLO?? They’re literally allies, Scott could’ve said “we need to get rid of the bad boys” but he was COOL with Grian. He was letting Grian LIVE. Like HELLO??? WHAT DID JOEL DO FR 😭 Joel was literally just trying to survive btw, his fighting back was very defensive rather than offensive, and would back off when not being actively attacked. With the exception of trying to get kills cuz he was on less than ten minutes, of course. But Scott had been hunting him before then.

And then I guess I have to mention Secret Life’s Scott-Killing-Joel. I don’t think that final kill was especially targeted on either of their sides, the battle just turned out that way. I could rewatch to see if there’s more to it but for now this is how I see it.

Okay, I’m turning this into a full analysis of their rivalry, idc, I’m literally obsessed with their dynamic. I’m adding a cut here.

ALRIGHT WHERE WAS I. RIGHT. Finished explaining the final deaths, but there’s stuff before that! Let’s take a look at their rivalry 🥰

Let’s go in order, shall we? 3rd Life!! I am obsessed with them in this season ahahahhaga anyways. Joel comes after Scott unprovoked. Simple, this is how everyone sees their rivalry. HOWEVER. Joel is FULLY WILLING to work with him anyways. Maybe you could excuse the dark oak thing as it was early on and they were just trying to take down a monopoly. But in the finale they reconcile and spend much of the session together. They established early on that Joel had been trying to kill Scott, but they’re both perfectly happy to team up instead (which btw they did because they both happened to be allied with Scar).

Then Last Life. Joel does hate Scott in it, but I’m not sure I would say it’s without reason. Joel being boogey in ep2 was majorly important, and he killed Scott. But that wasn’t targeted. He had attempted multiple times to kill other people. Scott was one of the only (and closest) people who didn’t already know he was boogeyman. Then of course Scott tells Pearl they can fight back and has her kill Joel, sending him to red. Perfectly reasonable for all parties imo, and a good enough reason for Joel to target Scott seeing as being red early on had a huge impact on him.

Of course LL is also where Joel says Scott just looked at him funny one day and that’s why he hates him, which is a great line. I do believe he would bother Scott just for the rivalry, but unlike in 3rd Life, Scott had done things to make Joel never consider stopping.

Then Double Life. Erm. Literally nothing, except that I believe the only reason Scott and Pearl were the last pair is because Joel wasn’t there to kill them, since apparently he’s the only one who can make them lose lives. Wild. They were guaranteed to win ever since the lava portal trap. (obviously I’m joking but like how is he the only outside force to kill that pair). I will clarify for analysis sake that Joel’s first kill on them had nothing to do with Scott, and the second kill was to Scott but it was because of the life colors, not really anything about their rivalry. It was technically targeted at Scott specifically but not cuz he hated him, instead because Pearl had a weird “alliance” with the reds.

Then Limited Life!!! What the heeelll was happening lmao. I already talked about the final moment so before that. Erm. I’m blanking out I’m listening to bad romance it’s distracting me. You know what let’s move on I can’t remember what they did, the final death I explained previously is enough data for now.

Secret Life. Oh boy. I’ll say it again, I was secretly hoping for more Scott/Joel dynamic when it started but I doubted it would happen but we got FED!!! I was so excited when I saw the assassin task (as was Joel). Anyways. Throughout the season Joel was doing the whole hating Scott thing, Scott caught onto the bit and played into it somewhat by talking more about how Joel always hates him for no reason. We SHOULD be able to disregard Joel targeting Scott for the assassin task as it was a task, but to be fair after reading it Joel said “oh my gosh is this my dream?” He was super happy to be assigned to assassinate Scott LMAO. That has to count for something.

I feel like the rivalry was fairly obvious, so I need to point out the outlier moments in SL. While Joel goes on about how Scott should die, he happily trades with him and swapped gifted hearts with zero hesitation. In the final session, he and Scott ended up on the same side. I believe Joel may have been slightly annoyed at being on a team with him but accepts it nonetheless. The only reason Scott ends up killing Joel is because their team won, so they had to turn on each other. As previously stated it wasn’t especially targeted, it was a 2v2.

And then if you noticed from me saying 3/5 games, I’m not counting Real Life, but I’ll bring it up here. Scott literally says “since it’s real life we can be friends now since we’re friends in real life” (one of the many reasons I consider RL noncanon tbh, Scott literally mentions in-universe that this season is different so they can act differently, also what is the in-universe explanation for “friends in real life”). Aside from a reminder that Joel doesn’t actually hate Scott irl and this is just fun game rp stuff, this shows that Scott really did catch onto the rivalry bit, and really does just bring it up more. Joel had just arrived when Scott brought it up. Joel agrees to being friends in Real Life. This holds little relevance to my analysis since I don’t view RL as canon but you can keep it in mind.

Now that I’ve laid out their rivalry in a simplified summary, let me ACTUALLY analyze it! What did I mean all the way back at the start of the post when I said “Scott and Joel’s rivalry being one sided is somewhat accurate but I feel it misrepresents their relationship”?

Well, I believe it’s true that (at least up until Secret Life), Scott didn’t care about the rivalry while Joel did. But that doesn’t mean Scott never targeted Joel, as I said he’s witch-hunted him twice. It’s just it was never personal to Scott. I once saw a post(s) I really enjoyed, an analysis on Scott. Saying that he doesn’t actually value being loyal, he values being fair. Then there was the addition that it’s based on what he thinks is fair. I feel like this is 100% true for his thing with Joel. Scott views Joel as a force that has to be stopped, he’s gone too far, he needs to be stopped, it’s only fair for all the suffering he’s caused. He doesn’t stop to think about how killing is the whole point of this game, how other people are doing the same things, how many times he has killed Joel. Joel hasn’t killed Scott permanently before, he has killed him though, but not as much as Scott has killed Joel. To Scott, that doesn’t matter, Scott kills Joel for a reason, for justice, while Joel kills just for the sake of it. Whether or not that idea is true is up to you to interpret for yourself, but to Scott it’s true. Joel is more of a wildfire that needs to be put out than a rival.

Let’s look at Joel’s side of things. He does hate Scott and target him for no reason. The rivalry is one sided, where Joel sees a rival Scott sees some random danger that needs to be dealt with. I can’t tell you why Joel hates Scott. It’s not really the point of my analysis. I’ve seen ppl say it’s because of previous series they’ve had together (they’ve been rivals for ages!) but for my headcanons they don’t remember those, tho very few feelings from their past lives may linger, so perhaps that does explain it. For the sake of my analysis though we won’t be looking deep into why Joel likes to poke at Scott. It’s cuz he looked at him funny one day remember?

So we establish that Joel needlessly attacks Scott. But if you’ll notice from my summaries, he is fully willing to put aside that hatred. It’s conditional (yes it is the default, but still). If Scott treats Joel kindly, Joel will attempt to reciprocate it. Let’s look at this again:

3L: Joel targets Scott, Scott kind of just gives him a disapproving look every time and doesn’t fight back. Joel ends up feeling somewhat guilty, and in the end has no problems teaming up with Scott.

LL: Scott was the main cause of Joel turning red, Joel targets him constantly. Scott ends up permanently killing Joel to put an end to his madness.

DL: erm. Well it’s worth mentioning Joel never specifically targeted Scott for no reason. ALSO WORTH MENTIONING SCOTT BURNED THE RELATION??? This season was a bit of a switch-up. I need to rewatch to see if Scott had any good reason to do that lmao I don’t really remember, I hardly remembered he was responsible.

LimL: Scott deems Joel to be a server menace who needs to die, Joel (who doesn’t really understand why he needs to die) tries negotiating many times but Scott insists. He kills Joel.

SL: Joel gets task to target Scott, is thrilled. He fails miserably, losing people he cares about in the process. Vows to kill Scott, it’s like his main goal now. Still accepts every peace offering from Scott with little to no hesitation, to the point of eventually teaming with him until they’re forced to go against each other and Scott kills Joel again.

So basically you can see, every time Scott does something to wrong Joel, Joel goes hard on the rivalry, while if he doesn’t and offers peace, Joel will lay off. Secret Life was a weird middle ground, where Scott had done things to wrong Joel, however those things weren’t entirely his fault so when he offered peace to Joel, Joel would still accept. A confusing time for Joel I’m sure.

I will say a disclaimer here, I’m not saying Scott shouldn’t ever fight back against Joel. If he’s targeting you for no reason, it’s your decision if you’ll try to befriend him to make him stop or fight back. I support fighting back. I’m just saying that befriending him is a proven method to work, but I don’t think Scott has exactly noticed that and instead just assumes that Joel will stop at nothing to end him.

Another thing I wanted to talk about but forgot what the natural and intuitive transition into it was gonna be. Scott has permakilled Joel 3 times. Joel has permakilled Scott 0 times.

Joel had started the series off picking on Scott for no reason, and has never succeeded. Scott has won this battle three times. At this point, it’s honestly finally somewhat justified for Joel to come after Scott. That guy has specifically targeted and hunted him out of 2 seasons, and took him out of a 3rd as well. Joel has taken Scott out of 0. At this point, I feel like Joel needs that closure, to finally kill Scott, and who knows if he’ll ever get it. If you look at the fandom, even fans are hoping Joel will kill Scott because of this. So imagine how Joel feels! But obviously Scott wouldn’t just let him (okay. Well. Actually. It’s Scott. He kind of lets people do that all the time. But only allies…). Scott will be waiting for Joel to target him once more, and deal with it the way he always does. But who knows if it’ll turn out different?

Which reminds me that I pinpoint SL as the season Scott finally notices this “one sided rivalry”. We all know Scott loves drama, so when he finally noticed Joel had been hating him the whole time, he kept bringing it up. And it wasn’t just for SL only, he brought it up the moment he saw Joel in RL. I don’t count RL as canon but it does prove that Scott hasn’t let go of the rivalry now that he’s finally realized it. I don’t know if there will be a 6th season, but if so I wouldn’t be surprised if Scott brings up the rivalry. Idk if he would make it a big deal, but he would surely at least mention it.

Anyways, if you think I’m done with my little analysis, you’re wrong!!! I’m done with the things I see as pretty factual, but now we’re gonna get into more fanon headcanony type of territory!!!

…but, maybe I’ll make that its own post. Stay tuned and thanks for reading!

[ofgravcyards]

❝ plenty humans are monstrous, & plenty monsters knows how to play at being human .❞

    𝑐𝘩𝑎𝑟𝑎𝑐𝑡𝑒𝑟⧸𝑓𝑖𝑙𝑒 :  elena michaels   »   gifted human   »   danielle campbell  .

❛❛   aesthetic.  ❜❜   ⸻   ◜   ❏  . ⸻   the   first   snowfall   spouting   layers   of   ivory   ,   lazy   mornings   curled   up   in   black   silk   sheets   with   messy   curls   and   lacy   lingerie   ,  she’s the kind of girl who would kiss monsters instead of running away from them , blood   -   laced   rose   water . ⸻ triggers : death , murder , abuse .

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* ⠀ ✞ ⠀ &. danielle campbell : cis woman : she/her : craving by stileto ft. kendyle paige   — It seems elena michaels has been seen walking around Volterra. the 28 -year-old gifted human has been in the city for 5 days of time working as a writer / freelance artist.

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full name :  elena michaels .

age :  28 .

date of birth : december 21st .

occupation :  art restorer .

species : gifted human .

language(s) spoken :  english  ,  french  ,  russian  ,  italian  ,  german .

hair color :  brunette .

eye color :  green .

notable scars :   one faint white scar on her upper thigh made by her father . ( click to see scar  )  .

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positive :  fervent  ,  resilient .

negative :  dauntless  ,  amoral .

moral alignment : chaotic neutral .

hogwarts house :  ravenclaw .

deadly sin : lust .

abilities :  telekenesis  |  the power to move, manipulate or otherwise interact with matter/energy without physical means .  

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book : edgar allen poe’s works .

movie :  horror .

food : anything sweet .

flower :  lycoris radiata .

season :  winter .

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father : mr. michaels ( deceased ) .

mother :  mrs. michaels ( deceased) .

mate / significant other :  demitri .

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— elena was born on December 21st . Her mother dying during childbirth left her daughter in the care of her father . A religious drunk who didn’t really paid attention to his own daughter and if he did, it was never good .

—   ever since she was born, her father knew she was different . Strange even . elena’s gifts showed from a young age . (  mostly is manifested completely when she was 5 ) a shadow always behind the brunette, a darkness, to which her father believed her to have been born evil , despite how bright and kind she was .

—   neighbors never minded the girl and often times would worry about her .  seeing her with bruises and cuts to which her father would excuse it for her falling  (  as she often did  )  . but it was never the case .

— it was when she was eight years old during when her father decided to take them on a family vacation . he had been acting nice and wasn’t hitting her as often as he did . perhaps he was turning his life around and trying to be a better father . It wasn’t so much to ask for and elena only hoped it stuck .

—   bringing them to a cabin and into the woods , elena was excited .  she loved the outdoors and for the next two days everything was going fine .  though there were moments with her on her own , but it was nothing new to her .  the third day , however , would be a night that would make her carry the scar that would only remind her that he never loved her .

—scared , elena screamed only for him to remind her no one is around and other cabins were too far for anyone to hear her . hiding after her father tried to stab her but slashed her thigh when she was running up the stairs .

—  unfortunately for her father , her screams  (  which cased all light to explode  ) were heard by a vampire who fed off the people who were staying in the cabin miles away . while searching for her , the vampire had come in the cabin moments after elena had used her powers to push her father back injuring him enough for the vampire to capture him . elena watched as the vampire ended her father’s life before they turned to her . noticing a darkness surrounding her as if protecting her . calming her down and tending to her wounds , the vampire took her .

—   elena grew up travelling about the world with them . being raised by a vampire had little to no rules . coming home to a dead body after ballet recitals at time was suppose to scare any human being but elena now regarded it as normal . fully aware she was human but never the less they treated her as their own .

— moving a lot from school to school elena graduated top of her class although she didn’t go to college went straight into working as an art restorer under the guidance of the vampire who adopted her .

— coming to volterra because it’s what the coven decided to do about a week ago  .

—  elena pretty much does whatever the hell she wants. Despite being a little strange, she is generally a very passionate and gentle person who is quite independent. A little playful at times though elena isn’t shy and she doesn’t hesitate to voice out what she thinks. Because she was raised by vampires who drink only human blood, and watched doing so her morals are highly questionable  .

[forcedhesitation]

potential st spoilers based on leaks below cut. obviously I'm just speculating, but there's always the possibility these speculations could end up being correct.

also some ranting, because I'm really only here for steve at this point and my negative feelings toward this show are at a serious threat of becoming genuine hatred if they fuck him over.

the sad heart-to-heart between mike and hopper was already pretty serious, but people are now pointing out how it's very likely that the price for eleven reviving max and freeing her from vecna could be her very own life in some way...

It's of course still possible that they pull the same thing as they did in S1, where she disappears but is revealed to still be alive at the very end, but I wonder what will happen to both her and max, considering they are not included in those shots of the boys riding their bikes.

I will be...very, very disappointed if either el or max do get a sad ending to their story. those girls have been through so fucking much, and it would be a pretty dissatisfying conclusion, imo, to not let them finally have happiness in a show that's prided itself on spreading the message that love and friendship conquer all. however, I wouldn't be surprised if the duffhell brothers do not give one, or both of them, a happy ending, because they've demonstrated time and time again that they don't seem to know what to do with eleven but torment her. and well, it honestly feels the same for max.

although, as I said before, my sole requirement to not turn full hater is steve's survival. and by survival I also mean: he does not become a cop either, since that's tantamount to killing him. I find the idea of him becoming a cop immensely distasteful. It is such a far cry from why so many people came to love steve as much as they do. he isn't anyone special or powerful himself, but he will literally put his life on the line for people with less power than himself. he stands up for the little black boy, he stands up for the little abused girl, and he stands in solidarity with the autistic lesbian, and the poor outcast metalhead being witch hunted by hawkins. steve shows that you do not need to be part of a broken, discriminatory system to help people. he genuinely changed his perspectives from the harmful crap he was spouting in s1, and then proceeded to put his money where his mouth is. nothing about him is preformative flapping of the gums just to get people off his back. he apologises when he's wrong. he genuinely gives a shit and will show you that.

so we do not to witness another full on character assassination after we already watched them gut several characters in s3, and after we were forced to watch steve fawn over nancy again in s4. also, hopper clearly survives s5 somehow, and returns to his position as sheriff it seems...so you have your "some police officers are good" bullshit already. leave steve out of that.

survives and doesn't become a cop. that's literally all I ask. ideally he and robin go off to the city together, with steve single and not still moping over nancy, but I will be satisfied with him surviving and not becoming a cop, even if they torture us all with steve/nancy endgame.

I hope I do not have to eat my words, but I do not think they would kill him in the final season, especially not after eddie's death was pretty much a replacement for his own. there's really no point in torturing dustin more, since eddie's death has already propelled dustin's character down the necessary path for the conclusion to his own arc. and despite their insistence that they could kill anyone, they are demonstrably reluctant to let any og character go. I just don't think it makes sense for them to possibly doom too many super popular characters, either. We'll probably see minor characters die, we'll definitely see vecna die, but I have a feeling that only one major character might be at genuine risk. But even that's not certain, because they went to truly insane lengths to keep hopper alive, so who the fuck knows, really.

The cop theory is more threatening to me because we all know what the duffhell brothers are like...but in that same breath, steve was never supposed to exist past S1, and they like mr. keery. maybe they will take his desires for steve to go to the city and expand his horizons into consideration. I don't think they'll separate him and robin, regardless, because they've got a good thing going there, and it would take a real fucking moron to toss that heavily praised dynamic away. again, hoping I don't eat my words. knock on wood, and all that.

[xsvcrilege]

❝ plenty humans are monstrous, & plenty monsters knows how to play at being human . ❞

 𝑐𝘩𝑎𝑟𝑎𝑐𝑡𝑒𝑟⧸𝑓𝑖𝑙𝑒 :  elena michaels   »   gifted human   »   danielle campbell  .

❛❛   aesthetic.  ❜❜   ―   ◜   ❏  . ―  the   first   snowfall   spouting   layers   of   ivory   ,   lazy   mornings   curled   up   in   black   silk   sheets   with   messy   curls   and   lacy   lingerie   ,   blood   -   laced   rose   water . ― triggers : abuse tw , death tw , blood tw .

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―   ◜   ❏  . ―  * ⠀ &.  ⟨   danielle campbell, cis woman, she + her.  ⟩ it seems like elena michaels has been seen around town, humming   black out days by phantogram  under their breath. apparently they are a 25 year old gifted human. townsfolk whisper about them being fervent and resilient, but also amoral and dauntless. the artist / art restoer has been in town for a week .   ―  *

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full name :  elena michaels .

age :  25 .

date of birth : december 21st .

occupation : freelance artist / art restorer.

species :  gifted human .

language(s) spoken :  english  ,  french  ,  russian  ,  italian  ,  german .

hair color :  brunette .

eye color : green .

notable scars :   one faint white scar on her upper thigh made by her father . ( click to see scar  )  .

🇮​🇳​🇹​🇪​🇷​🇮​🇴​🇷 ​»

ability :  telekinesis  |  power to move, manipulate or otherwise interact with objects/matter/elements without physical means . 

positive :  fervent  ,  resilient .

negative :  dauntless  ,  amoral .

moral alignment :  chaotic neutral .

hogwarts house : slytherpuff .

deadly sin :  lust + pride .

🇫​🇦​🇻​🇴​🇷​🇮​🇹​🇪​🇸​ »

book : edgar allen poe’s works .

movie :  horror .

food :  anything sweet .

flower :  wisteria .

season :  winter .

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father :  mr. michaels ( deceased ) .

mother :  mrs. michaels ( deceased ) .

mate :  angelus .

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— elena was born on December 21st . Her mother dying during childbirth left her daughter in the care of her father . A religious drunk who didn’t really paid attention to his own daughter and if he did, it was never good .

—   ever since she was born, her father knew she was different . Strange even . elena’s gifts showed from a young age . (  mostly is manifested completely when she was 5 ) a force always behind the brunette, things happening and moving without explanation , to which her father believed her to have been born evil , despite how bright and kind she was .

—   neighbors never minded the girl and often times would worry about her .  seeing her with bruises and cuts to which her father would excuse it for her falling  (  as she often did  )  . but it was never the case .

— it was when she was eight years old during when her father decided to take them on a family vacation . he had been acting nice and wasn’t hitting her as often as he did . perhaps he was turning his life around and trying to be a better father . It wasn’t so much to ask for and elena only hoped it stuck .

—   bringing them to a cabin and into the woods , elena was excited .  she loved the outdoors and for the next two days everything was going fine .  though there were moments with her on her own , but it was nothing new to her .  the third day , however , would be a night that would make her carry the scar that would only remind her that he never loved her .

— scared , elena screamed only for him to remind her no one is around and other cabins were too far for anyone to hear her . hiding after her father tried to stab her but slashed her thigh when she was running up the stairs .

—    unfortunately for her father , her screams  (  which cased all light to explode and windows to break  ) were heard by a vampire who fed off the people who were staying in the cabin miles away . while searching for her , the vampire had come in the cabin moments after elena had used her powers to push her father back injuring him enough for the vampire to capture him . elena watched as the vampire ended her father’s life before they turned to her . noticing a force surrounding her as if protecting her . calming her down and tending to her wounds , the vampire took her .

—   elena grew up travelling about the world with them . being raised by a vampire had little to no rules . coming home to a dead body after ballet recitals at time was suppose to scare any human being but elena now regarded it as normal . fully aware she was human but never the less they treated her as their own .

—   moving a lot from school to school elena graduated top of her class although she didn’t go to college went straight into working as an art restorer under the guidance of the vampire who adopted her .

—   coming to forks because it’s what the coven decided to do about a month ago  .

—    elena pretty much does whatever the hell she wants. Despite being a little strange, she is generally a very passionate and gentle person who is quite independent. A little childish at times though elena isn’t shy and she doesn’t hesitate to voice out what she thinks. Because she was raised by vampires who drink only human blood, and watched doing so her morals are highly questionable  .

—   the vampire who takes care of her keeps her a secret other than those they trusts because humans aren’t suppose to know but she’s a gifted human so makes her rare  .  

[travllingbunny]

I was thinking about something... Am I the only one who thought while watching 7x08 of The 100, the backdoor pilot Anaconda "Did Jason Rothenberg write Bill Cadogan as a more charismatic and more powerful self-insert?" Maybe subconsciously? Maybe that was one of the reasons why that episode was well-written, he was writing about something he knows a lot about. I noticed the similarities of the Cadogan family dynamics to the Lightbourne family dynamic from a season before (such as both men being called out for being megalomaniacs/narcissists).

It also strikes me that all the main villains of the last 2 seasons have been megalomaniac privileged white men - Bill Cadogan, Sheidheda, Russell Lightbourne. And even in the other season - we can add the two Wallaces (and the Wallace family dynasty was referenced in Anaconda, too, with the mention of President Wallace’s administration). In season 5 the most villainy villain was McCreary, as a sociopathic manchild who destroyed the Earth because he couldn't have it all for himself. In the entire show, the human Big Bads of all seasons have been entitled white guys. (The other Big Bads were a computer program and a nuclear disaster, and season 1 didn’t have an overall main villain but many minor ones.)

I normally wouldn’t find anything strange about that - it’s an obvious and safe choice for a villain - but the specific character traits of the megalomaniac, egotistical, power-obsessed and entitled white men of these last couple of seasons and especially season 7 and Cadogan, have really made me think that there may be something subconscious going on there on Rothenberg’s part (probably not intentionally, as that would entail way too much self-awareness).

And there’s also another pattern I’ve noticed this season in particular (though it did not start this season, but now it’s really been maximized). When I wrote my review of 7x12, I was still giving the show the benefit of the doubt and trying to find the positives as well as the negatives, but there was something that had been making me increasingly uncomfortable throughout the season, and I couldn’t help mention that the show finished the last season with the Brainwashed into a Cult Jordan storyline, which was then dropped and ignored in season 7, but only to be replaced by the Indoctrinated into a Cult storyline for another man of color, this time the show’s second protagonist/male lead. 

There is pattern of men of color constantly being portrayed as followers, manipulated and/or brainwashed, usually by white male villains. Even those MOC who still have a mind of their own and aren’t background characters (I think that’s only Gabriel at this point) are not leaders. (Gabriel may do his own thing, but he’s not in charge and agreed to be a Disciple.)

Jordan was brainwashed last season by an annoying Devout guy, a minor character called Trey . That didn’t end up having consequences  except for Jordan spouting pro-Prime propaganda and getting hated by the fandom, and was retconed/ignored/dropped in season 7, except for Jordan continuing to be manipulated by the Devout (Trey and Alyssa) and Sheidheda (as Russell).

But after dropping that storyline, the show had Bellamy - who was a leader and a damn good one - indoctrinated into a cult and a follower of Cadogan. Then murdered. I really don’t want to talk anymore about that horrible plot and death scene. I was deeply uncomfortable with the plot to begin with, but was hoping that the show would do something that makes sense and is respectful to Bellamy’s character. My ideal version was that his friends and particularly Clarke get through to him and he realizes that individual love is not bad, but that his visions and beliefs weren’t entirely wrong, and that he turns his back on Cadogan and his interpretations of it. We know how that worked out.

Nelson was a leader, but was manipulated and used by Sheidheda in a way that didn't even make sense, preying on Nelson’s emotions and impulsiveness. Later murdered. 

Sheidheda’s main follower was Knight of Sangedakru. There were some minor hints he may have been rethinking his loyalty and fans speculated he may turn, but nope.

Reese Cadogan was the child loyal and subservient to Bill, desperate for his father’s approval. And Bill thinks he may have been killed by his sister (because he can't imagine another reason he didn't bring him the Flame - in his mind, he couldn't have possibly broken away from his influence). 

Miller and Jackson are background characters, in spite of having been on the show since season 1. Miller's most important arc in the last few seasons was having been a loyal follower or Blodreina. Jackson spent most of his time in the previous 6 seasons as Abby’s sidekick.

Even if we go back to previous seasons... Not to go over the minor characters like Shumway (season 1 minor villain- a follower of Diana Sidney, manipulated and murdered by her). But even Jaha, who was a strong leader, love him or hate him, was a brainwashed follower of ALIE for a full season.

Monty and Lincoln were characters of integrity, but were never put in charge. Lincoln was also a brainwashed slave/monster for half a season - but at least he got to get a revenge on his brainwasher Cage Wallace. Then he got murdered the next season. 

I’d have thought Bellamy was an exception once the show seemed to have stopped trying to impose the idea he was a “follower” and let him be a really good leader in the later seasons.... And then season 7 happened.  (I used to argue the line about him being a “follower” rather than a leader was just something a villain used to taunt him and that was not meant to be gospel truth, but guess what, the latest season has decided to confirm that ALIE!Raven’s taunting was indeed the truth, including that about Clarke being poison to everyone close to her and bringing them all death...)

The only exception was Pike, and he was made to be more hated than any of the white villains who were much worse in terms of motivations, actions and having a sympathetic qualities/backstory to explain their actions.

[darylwillfightnatureforcarol]

Just finished watching the rest of the episodes. Obviously, there will be spoilers for all of the bonus episodes, including Here's Negan. Here's my thoughts. WARNING for some negativity:

Home Sweet Home:

Kind of a blah episode. Half of it seemed to be a 'walking in the woods simulator'. Don't have any eagerness for another rival group. I'm sick of the people vs people storylines. We should go back to basics for a while, just fighting the dead. This is just recycling the same storylines.

Enjoyed Maggie and Daryl's chat in the container (though I just know it ignited crack shippers). Was it just me or was Lauren Cohan's accent weird? Like, is it because she's been away from the show that she can't remember how to do it the way she used to? It just sounded off the whole time to me, like she was trying to sound more country than Maggie has in the past.

Liked Daryl seeing Hershel, though I wish the scene had been longer. It looks like we're continuing the trend of having 'legacy' kids around without giving them a personality like they do with RJ.

Liked Daryl and Kelly's interactions in this episode. It did annoy me how they wrote Kelly running off on her own in the woods. Like, you guys literally wrote her getting lost and losing her hearing not even a handful of episodes ago. Why would she risk doing that, knowing there was a chance it could happen again? Sure she wants to find her sister, but I don't think anyone in the group--Daryl especially--would have opposed to going with her. Annoying writing again.

By the way, I can't not point out that the spoilers for this were so anti-Carol. The way it sounded through spoilers made it sound as if Maggie was pissed at Carol for letting Negan out when it was clear that she understood Carol's decision (she was just irritated that Negan was out at all).

Find Me:

I won't go into a full rant about this episode. You can find that on my page. I'll just discuss a few things.

First of all, I really liked the banter between Caryl at the start. It was the kind of content we've been wanting for a while.

We probably all saw it this way but Leah was a Carol replacement. No doubt about it. Carol was 'happy' so Daryl tried to move on with the next best thing (well, according to him at least).

Shipping aside, the relationship and build up to it between Daryl and Leah was so bland and generic. The woman literally seemed to have no personality apart from 'I live in the woods and I lost my son'. I actually rolled my eyes when she started explaining about not having a good family growing up. It was like watching Mary Sue fanfic play out on screen.

I don't want to rant too much but I have to say again, you can't just have a relationship blossom that generically with a character who has clearly struggled with intimacy for a good chunk of his life. It was literally inserting Daryl into the plot of any other cheesy boy meets girl romance. If you are going to do something like this, you need to do it realistically. There should have been more of a struggle there for Daryl. For pete's sake, Daryl's love life (or lack thereof) has been a point of discussion for so many years. You can't just rewrite that lore with some half assed meet-cute storyline.

Oh and I can't forget to say another big fuck you to the end of this episode. Seriously, fuck the shit Daryl spouted at Carol. That shit would have worked for S2 Daryl but not this one.

Okay I'll stop myself there or I'll just keep going. Seriously, I don't think I'll run out of things to bitch about for this episode.

One more:

This episode was okay. I'm not a fan of Gabriel, so I didn't really enjoy the focus being on him. I do like Aaron though, so that was a saving point.

No offense if you're a Gabriel fan but I found this episode kind of pointless. The message was relevant of course but the whole thing seemed a bit hoky to me. Especially the whole 'talking at the bad guy until they have a change of heart'. I can see that this was an important turning point for Gabriel but honestly, I just don't care enough about his character to appreciate it. Felt bad for Aaron though. You can tell he's trying so hard to hold onto humanity.

Splinter:

Probably gonna upset people with this but I'm not really a Princess fan (though Paola Lazaro is great). The episode had an interesting concept and I know it was to try to set up for the Commonwealth or the CRM etc. I just found the way they went about it to be too dragged out without much substance. Even the twist with finding out that the others were figments of her imagination didn't save it for me. I like the concept of seeing things through Princess' mindset and it could have worked well but we just didn't really get any storyline there. I think the only thing I enjoyed was when she talked about her family (she should chat to Daryl. There would certainly be some common ground). Gotta admit though, Ezekiel and his Walker posse was kind of hilarious.

Diverged:

Loved it for the most part. Who knew we needed Carol vs a rat? I certainly didn't but I'm glad I got it. Also Carol smashing that wall to pieces was so badass and kind of hot. Anyone else feel like that? No? Okay...

I enjoyed the comedic moments in this episode. Loved Carol hanging out with Dog and Dog being a menace. Appreciated seeing more of Daryl's room (Why did he have a pirate book though? There had to be a point, right? WAIT, I just realised as I was typing this what it is. It's a reference to when Carol invited him to go out on the boat with her and they would be 'pirates' 😢)

Daryl certainly got a collection of multitools, didn't he? Seriously though, that scene where he was just walking away from the walkers was hilarious. It's literally what people have been saying for years--that the walkers are too slow.

Okay, now let's get to the bad parts I didn't like. Hated the start. They were so stilted and awkward and the fact that Daryl didn't apologize pissed me off. I don't care what Carol said, she didn't deserve any of that shit he said in Find Me. He knows better than anyone why she has done what she has done.

This storyline they seem to be running with for Carol is starting to piss me off. It's obvious they're trying to go for a redemption arc for her when she shouldn't need to be redeemed. She didn't do anything wrong. Yes, she made mistakes but think about how you would be if you had lost so much.

Maggie is being lorded as a hero but remember, she behaved pretty much the same as Carol did in S7,8,9. But no one labelled her as a villain or a nuisance. No, Maggie was strong and a leader for stepping up and making a stand.

I'm really dreading the last season. It's obvious they're planning for Daryl and Carol's rift in their relationship to be a main arc. We probably won't see them reconcile until the end of the season where Daryl'll be like 'Alright, I don't hate you anymore, let's go to New Mexico.' That will annoy the shit out of me.

Here's Negan:

Mixed feelings about this one. I enjoyed seeing Negans backstory. Also props to the makeup team. They did a great job making JDM look younger. The thing I didn't like was the flashbacks within flashbacks. It made it hard to follow at times. Still, JDM and Hilary Burton Morgan had great onscreen chemistry (which they should, of course). I was surprised to see Laura pop up. I never thought she would have been one of the first Saviours.

Can't not mention how good Carol's hair looked in this episode. Please let us have this wig more often. It's so cute compared to the other frizzy one.

Also, I really don't give a shit about the drama between Maggie and Negan. There can't be a peaceful solution to it. There's no way Maggie will ever be okay with Negan being alive. Carol's right. If he stays, Maggie will (try) to kill him. If they have them come to an understanding next season, it will be super out of character. Same as when they kept pushing the Daryl/Negan team up. No way, no how, can either Maggie or Daryl look past what happened to Glenn.

Well, there are my thoughts on the episodes. I seriously battled against my anxiety to even sit and watch these. I was dreading watching Find Me especially for obvious reasons. It was awful but not as bad as I expected. I still wanted to throw my laptop out the window though.

[rachelbethhines]

Tangled Salt Marathon - Secret of the Sun Drop (Part 1)

Were now at the season finale folks and it’s the beginning of the end. This is the series’ highpoint, it’s all downhill afterwards. However, while this episode is good, it’s still got flaws so let's get to it. 

Summary: On Rapunzel's nineteenth birthday, Frederic tightens his grip on the Rapunzel and the kingdom, while Varian makes his move to attack. 

More Indication of the Timeline 

Remember, Varian said that it would be matter of months until the rocks reached the island in QfaD and today is the day that they reach it. Now Raps is saying that Frederic has been lying to her for months. At least since TWoRR, which makes more sense if you remember that that particular episode was meant to slot between QfaD and this episode. 

The show has a bad habit of making the passage of time an important plot point but failing to showcase how much time has past. Showing episodes out of order didn’t help, but even more than that the audience shouldn’t have to rely on one line exposition to gain knowledge of what’s going on. The show fails to use actual visual indicators of what’s going on. There’s little visual change in seasons, next to no change in character models, and all we have are made up holidays to go by.   

Also yes, Rapunzel has left a fourteen year old alone for three months. This isn’t something that can be excused. Seriously, stop trying to do so people. It just makes you look bad when you do.  

Wow, Way to Victim Blame, Raps. 

“Unstable”? We’re seriously going to use ableist terms to describe a grieving young teenager who’s been persecuted and neglected for months on in?

And Rapunzel knows he’s been persecuted and abandoned for months at this point. She’s read the note. She’s been attacked by same the guards that attacked him. She’s heard the rumors. She seen his father’s corpse. She has just admitted in this very spiel that Frederic has been lying. She knows how people are unfairly treated by Corona’s legal system and that ‘treason’ is a death sentence to anyone but herself.  

Yet, all she can do here is whine about how all of this only affects her. This entire speech is just me, me, me, and I, I, I. Don’t tell me she’s a kind and compassionate person when her hypocrisy is made into a fundamental plot point for the season’s main conflict. 

But let's get to the real reason for this little recap. It’s to create bias in the viewer. 

The viewer is aware that Varian might be up to something, but Rapunzel logically, should not be. Varian technically hasn’t done anything wrong yet. The worst he’s done is feed people truth serum, which is no different than Xavier drugging folks with the mood potion. Given how Raps didn’t care about Xavier doing that she shouldn’t care about Varian doing it either, especially since it didn’t physically harm anyone. Also Varian very much is in the right to take the flower and she knows the only thing he’s going to use it for is to free his father and possibly stop the rocks. He’s been very upfront about that. 

Also don’t you dare bring up the stupid reprise! Intent isn’t action. You can't condemn people for having negative thoughts. You can only condemn people for acting upon their negative impulses, which, once again, has not happened yet. 

Furthermore, Rapunzel isn’t privy to Varian’s innermost thoughts and hasn’t been present for those instances where he did voice negative intent. Ergo, him singing a misplaced reprise does not excuse her behaviour. 

The characters in the show treat Varian as a villain before he ever actually becomes a villian, and that’s only because the creator wants you to side with his self-insert instead of actually addressing the moral conundrums that he’s written into the show. 

Does Anyone Else Besides Me Find the Glorification of Classism In the Show Disturbing? 

So supposedly all of these gifts have been given to Rapunzel by the regular citizenry of Corona. There might be a few from a couple of lower nobles or royals from outside of Corona, but for the most part it’s implied that all of theses presents are from poor people. 

Rapunzel is a princess. She’s literally the richest person in the whole kingdom and holds people’s lives in her hands. Giving a thoughtful gift because you like her is one thing, paying tribute to her very existence just because she technically owns you is another. 

Keep in mind people have been brainwashed for nearly two decades to worship Rapunzel. They’ve made a holiday out of her birthday. Later on we see the townspeople defend the King even when it’s been proven that he’s done them wrong. They follow Rapunzel blindly through out season three. ect. 

The people of Corona are dangerously loyal to feudalism, royalty, and authoritarian rule long past sanity, and given the other authoritarian messages in the show, it takes what is meant to be a sweet scene of a girl who grew up with nothing suddenly gaining acceptance and turns it into a creepy endorsement of the class system. 

More Evidence that Frederic is the Worst 

This scene makes it clear that Frederic is the one who is threatening Cassandra here, not her dad. It was never Cap who held the convent thing over her head. Now you can hold Cap accountable for choosing loyalty to the crown and his job over his daughter’s well being, but that is one of the few things that is actually addressed in the show, in this very episode in fact, so why would you? 

Also, why only now? Frederic has known about Cassandra’s involvement since TWoRR when he first read Rapunzel’s diary. It’s strange he’d go out of his way to silence Varian for months on in but waits until the last episode to persecute Rapunzel’s bestie. You could argue that maybe he didn’t wanna risk tipping off Rapunzel but then why didn’t this happen during TAR instead?  

Once again the writer is playing favorites in order to create bias. It’d be suddenly a lot harder to excuse Frederic if he was hunting down Cass along side Varian as she’s a main character and you couldn’t keep that as a ‘read between the lines’ scenario. Which, incidentally, is why we never get a Varian focused episode to show his time on the run. You couldn’t get away with having the main character siding with your dictator self-insert if you actually visually showed him persecuting a helpless child. 

Don’t Expect This to Go Anywhere

Rapunzel is rightly angry about this clear abuse, but then never brings it up ever again. It’s completely forgotten about after this point. Frederic is never held accountable for his actions. 

This is the Point Where Varian Actually Becomes a Villian

Not the flower, not the truth serum, not the damn reprise, but here. This is the point where his actions cross the line. Violence, particularly violence against people who aren’t currently hurting you, is wrong. Varian is a villain, he does do bad things, and I’m not going to ignore that. 

However, knowing where, when, how, and why he becomes a villain is extremely important in not only understanding the story but in also navigating the moral minefield that is this show. 

Because Varian is still the victim even as he slides into the role the antagonist. There’s been no change in the power dynamics. His life is still under threat from the king. Every action he takes is a step to either free his father and/or defend himself from a corrupt government that would see him hanged just for daring to defy it’s dictator.   

People defend Varian to this day, not because he has a tragic backstory, but because he’s been forced into a dangerous situation with little way out. There’s nothing else he could have done that wouldn’t have lead to his eventual untimely death. Because indirect violence is still violence. Frederic is no less evil just because Varian fights against the king’s indirect violence with direct violence.  

Varian’s Life was Forfeit the Moment He was Turned Away During the Storm and This is the Show Confirming That

This is a grown man, with all the power in the world, threatening a child. A child who he has cannonly persecuted for three months before this incident. A child that was neglected by Rapunzel despite him being her responsibility. 

Any excuse you give to defend either Frederic or Rapunzel is already made invalid by the simple fact that they are both adults and Varian is not. They are both in charge here, not the fourteen year old. 

We do not hold people under legal voting age to the same standards as adults for two simple reasons. One, they are powerless in making the laws that they are accused of breaking, and two, they haven’t reached the point of development where they can take care of themselves and be expected to make rational decisions within a functioning society. Now we could have an argument all day long about the pros and cons of when the rights and responsibilities of adulthood should be granted to people (16?18?21?), but at fourteen/fifteen, Varian isn’t there yet regardless. 

You can not in any good moral consciousness hold people lacking rights to the same responsibilities as those with rights. 

That isn’t to say that kids can’t do bad things. They obviously can and have before. But when enacting judgement and the punishment that goes along with that, you have to keep their lack of rights in mind and make the sentence proportional to both their age, circumstances, and their crime. This is why courts that try teens as adults are absolutely vile. I do not care what crime they commited, you don’t do that. 

I’m not criticizing Rapunzel and Frederic here because I personally dislike them or something. I’m criticizing them because I’m opposed to the messages that they become mouthpieces for. When you defend these two characters you defend their stance to persecute and abuse a child. Ergo, you spout the same authoritarian beliefs that are currently tearing my country apart and I will hold you accountable for it. 

Like them all you want, but liking a character does not mean blindly going along with their bullshit. 

This Still Abuse

In fact it’s the same abuse that Gothel did to her. It was wrong then and it’s wrong now and there’s no excuse for that. 

What a lot of people don’t seem to understand is that you can be both a victim and a bully at the same time. What differentiates Rapunzel, Frederic, and Varian from one other is their level of respective power in the situation and how their trauma actually impacts the rationale behind their actions. 

Frederic is the most accountable in this whole conflict because he’s the one with the most power and because his personal trauma isn’t grounds for what he does. They’re a reason that’s been given, but past trauma isn’t an excuse to hurt others who had nothing to do with that trauma. He is, ultimately the instigator of all of the conflicts in season one. 

Rapunzel is not as accountable, but she’s not entirely blameless either. As both an adult and a princess, Rapunzel held the power to save Varian and stop things from getting this far and she choose not to do so. Rapunzel’s trauma is a reason for why she fails in her responsibility but it’s still not an excuse as Varian has nothing to do with her personal insecurities. He’s not responsible for getting her to fix her shit and had he done nothing she would have continued on ignoring both his and her own problems. Frederic’s abuse would have still been there with or without the black rocks or Varian’s involvement. She’s not deserving of how her father treats her, but neither is Varian deserving of how she treats him.

Varian is the least accountable. Sure there are somethings that he does wrong, but as a child he holds no power in the situation. His only means of fighting back is his own intelligence, but being the smartest person in the room isn’t necessarily a power imbalance. Also his trauma is currently ongoing and his actions are directly tied into making his abusers stop. Because yeah, both Frederic and Rapunzel are abusive to Varian. Neglect is a form of abuse.

Eugene is the Only Person in this Situation with the Right Response, Shame It Won’t Amount to Anything

After all this, Eugene has no reason to ever trust Frederic again.  Neither does Rapunzel, nor the rest of kingdom. He should have been shunned from here on after. This isn’t promoting ‘cancel culture’ or whatever, this is acknowledging that ‘forgiveness’ isn’t and shouldn’t be a shield from the personal consequences for your actions. 

But Frederic is the Creator’s Self-Insert and Therein Lies the Problem

I keep calling Frederic the creator’s self-insert not because I’m making assumptions or accusations but because this is something that Chris has admitted to publicly on numerous occasions. If you want a reference than just check out his interview during D23. 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9ECeflBTS58

There’s also more confirmation on his twitter and in other interviews. Though I’d personally recommend that younger fans stay away from him and his twitter, given his past behavior. (more on this later)

Chris has also publicly made excuses whenever criticism of Frederic has reached him. The same excuses that he then puts into the show itself. That’s why he and the show is so desperate for Varian to be the hated villain instead and goes out of its way to create a bias in how characters and conflicts are presented. 

Look, having a self-insert or a character you relate to isn’t in of itself a bad thing. Nor does having such a character mean that you personally avocate all that they do. I mean Varian is my favorite character in the show, partly because I’m a political activist, but that doesn’t mean that I approve of attacking government officials in their homes or something. Yet, if you want to make your self-insert likable to the audience then why on earth would make them an abusive dictator and then never hold them accountable to that? 

I cannot say what goes through Chris’s mind nor what his actual beliefs are, but the very fact that show won’t acknowledge corruption for what it is and constantly excuses abusers is worrisome enough on its own. It either means that Chris is woefully incompetent, actually encourages authoritarian thought, or some combination of both. Add in his bullying of younger fans, to the point where his was kicked off the Tangled discord, and what is left is not a flattering picture of the man. 

The Show Completely Assassinates Arianna’s Character Here

You’re telling me that the Queen has no power? You’re telling me that the only mother in the show is going to stand aside and do nothing while her only daughter, who has been missing for 18 years, is abused? You’re telling me that Arianna only exists in the story to excuse her husband’s actions? You’re telling me that this ‘strong, independent, badass’ woman you co-opted from the movie is only here to be subservient to a man and you’re going to act like this is a good and noble thing, that it’s ‘true love’? You’re telling me that if she’s not only willing to do this, right now, then she apparently has done it before in his 18 long years reign of terror and oppression? 

Fuck whoever wrote this! This is an insulting to women everywhere and a slap in the face to people who were actually victims of abuse.  

This is Enabling Abuse, Don’t Do This! 

BULLSHIT!!!

This is the line abusers feed their victims all the damn time!!!

The movie smartly made the decision to keep Gothel’s personal feelings towards Rapunzel ambiguous. That’s why she is one of the best villains in Disney history. If we only look at the movie than she may have ‘loved’ Rapunzel too. Who knows? It doesn’t matter. 

Abuse Is Abuse Regardless of the Abuser’s Reasons or Personal Feelings Towards Their Victim

Many abusers think that they love their victims. It’s a lie that they sell to both themselves and their victims. But it’s a twisted, toxic, and possessive ‘love’ that doesn’t actually care for and respect it’s recipient. Ergo, not love at all. 

There’s not enough words to express my disgust with this exchange. There are children watching this. It’s directed right at them and sadly, yes, there are undoubtedly some watching who are trapped in abusive homes. The show just reinforced the beliefs of those abusers and helped to keep those children trapped in that situation by confirming what they’ve already been taught. 

This is beyond irresponsible, and someone higher up should have stepped in before this. It’s clear that this show lacked any sort of real oversight. You have a million dollar series being showrunned by two newbie producers with zero writing credit and no one thought  that there should maybe be a senior executive and editor involved?

That’s Not Enough

Admitting that something is wrong, right after excusing it, isn’t enough. You need to show the characters taking action and changing their ways. If Arianna truly believes that this ‘isn’t right’ then why does she not do anything about it after this conversation? 

So What Did the King Do to Monty?

He runs off the tell the king the very thing that said king has gone to great lengths to hide and has yet to admit his involvement in. Also Monty doesn’t re-appear until after Varian blows Frederic’s cover. So what happened in between now and then? Did Frederic persecute Monty as well, lie to him, or did Monty not ever reach the King before the scandal was revealed, because any one of those answers would conflict with Monty’s actions later in the story. 

Watch as Cass Forgets Her Motivation 

We’re at the end of the first season and the audience is only just now getting this important insight into the deuteragonist, a reveal that’ll only be walked back on in later seasons. 

If Cassandra’s whole motivation and reasoning is just to earn her father’s approval, which she does gain by the way, then how come she gives a crap about what other people besides him thinks? If being a guard is her true goal then why is she after praise from strangers constantly? You don't get praise from being a guard. It’s a thankless job and she should know that from see what her dad has to do all the time to stay in Frederic’s good graces. Also why not make her dad more central to her arc and resolution, then? 

What I’m getting at is that Cassandra isn’t consistent. What she wants changes conveniently to suit the story’s needs rather than being based in any actual logical progression of events. Often flip flopping from one supposed ill-defined goal to another and back again; till in the end she winds up with no goal at all.

Set Yourself Free is the Only Point Where Rapunzel’s Arc Works

This is the only lesson that Rapunzel actually learns. How to be assertive. This is set up, is build up to throughout the season, and then culminates into this climax/reveal. For once there’s an actual resolution here to a previously established problem. A resolution that isn’t then walked back on. Rapunzel remains assertive throughout the narrative and grows no further past this point. There’s nothing else learned, even as she takes this lesson and runs it into the ground by overstepping her bounds and going into full on bully mode in later seasons. 

Undermining Tension 

I talked about this in What the Hair, but Cassandra conveniently ignoring orders without consequence, or even any real effort on her part, showcases that the convent was never really all that much of a threat as it was built up to be. It goes from being a ‘threat to her safety’, a basic need, to a ‘threat to her sense of belonging’, a psychological need. One is less of an immediate threat to her physical being and ergo holds less tension. 

Even Hookfoot Admits He’s Useless to the Story

Look, pointing out the flaws in your story doesn’t make them any less of a flaw. I like Hoofoot, but he adds literally nothing to the series. There’s was no need to include him if you weren’t actually going to tie him to the plot. Just like Monty, Friedborg, Willow, and Axel; Hoofoot is a character who could have been exercised from the show and it wouldn’t have changed much of anything other than to give more screen time to the actual plot and main characters. 

And for those who want to come at me for saying they should get rid of the tokenistic disabled rep, just remember there was no reason why Lance couldn’t have served both functions in the story. He could have been both disabled and black, while carrying all of Hookfoot’s episodes and being part of the ongoing plot. Much in the same way that Xavier and Monty should have been streamlined; combining both Lance and Hookfoot into one person would have left us with a more rounded character and a more focused show overall. 

Varian Isn’t Lying Here

Look, just cause he’s the villain doesn’t mean he’s exaggerating the truth. Someone on tv tropes tried to claim that Varian was being unreasonable in accusing Frederic of ‘villfing’ him, but uh, no, that’s exactly what the king did. We got the on screen evidence for it back in Quest for Varain. It’s also true that he’s been keeping the rocks secret, lying to the populous, and has thereby endangered many of his citizens.   

Cap is the Only Parent on this Show to Get Called Out, Recognize his Failings, and Actively Change His Ways....and the Show Still Messes this up by Having Cass Apologize to Him?

Cap is the best parent in the show, hands down, but that’s a very low bar to clear. What makes him the best parent is that he admits his faults and goes to great lengths to fix them. He never goes back or reverts to old ways and doesn’t offer excuses for his behavior. 

But the show seems to think that you should forgive dad’s just because they’re dad’s, not because they’ve actually done anything to earn that forgiveness. That’s why Cass interrupting Cap’s apology to apologize herself doesn’t work here. She, and no other other child on this show, owes him (or any parent) such an apology and Chris can go stick a rusty nail up his butt for ever suggesting otherwise.  

Oh, Look, Cassandra Getting What She Wants, Again

What is this? The fifth or sixth time now that Cass has been rewarded by the narrative? Gee, it’s almost like she doesn't really have anything to complain about in seasons two and three. 

Varian isn’t Harming ‘Innocents’ Here

Remember when I said that Varian is both the victim and the villian? That’s reflected in who he actually attacks. Arianna, the guards, Cass, Eugene, ect. are all enablers for his abusers. They’ve knowingly chosen to side with a dictator who has repeatedly done unacceptable things. The guards and the main cast at least are very well aware of the truth. As to whether or not Arianna knew of the full details behind Varian’s treatment, she does know about Frederic’s past actions and has excused them for years.   

That doesn’t make Varian treatment of her, or others like her, right, but Arianna isn’t blamess either. 

If you’re a person with power who is attached to a system of government who goes on to uphold corruption, and remain silent in the face of that corruption, you become a part of the problem. You become the oppressor even if you’re not directly involved in the more violent events yourself or even personally hold the views of the person committing those violent acts. 

A queen is responsible for a her people and she abandons that responsibility by staying with Frederic and supporting him. 

Turning his Pet into a Mutant Monster is the Only Time Varian Hurts Someone Who Isn’t Involved 

As I said, Varian is a villian. I’m not going to act like he doesn’t do bad things or that all of his actions are justifiable. The reason I’ve gone into great detail about Varian’s reasonings into what he does isn’t to excuse his actions; it’s to point out that ‘heroes’ are every bit as much to blame as he is. 

Everyone is at fault here; not just Varian, not just the King, not just Rapunzel ect. But the show forces Varian to carry all of the blame regardless. Which is why the show fails. You can’t set up a morally complex situation like this and not follow through on it completely. Failing to do so winds up reflecting poorly upon the writers and those that try to excuse them. 

Conclusion 

Dang, this took forever. This is why I’m following Disney’s lead and splitting the review into two parts. Come back tomorrow, where hopefully part two will be up. 

[hoboal87]

Elastic Heart Chapter Fifteen (Fin)

Title: Elastic Heart - Stay

Characters: Y/N Y/L/N, Sam Winchester, Dean Winchester, Cordelia Y/L/N, OFC’s

Pairing(s): Sam x Reader, Reader x OMC

Summary: In the aftermath of the final Trial, Dean reaches out to Y/N. Dean is willing to do whatever it takes to save Sam, but is he going to push Y/N too far?

Word Count: 13.4k(!)

Warnings: Angst, Bits of Fluff, Character Injury, Major Character Death, Time Jump, Implied Smut.

A/N: Series is mostly canon compliant, taking place during season 8/9. For the purposes of this fic Sam was born in '84 instead of '83.

A/N 2: Here it is, the final chapter! I have to thank my wonderful, awesome beta @deanwinchesterswitch! Kym, you are the best, thank you so much for making this fic the best possible version of itself. I will definitely miss our RIDICULOUSLY long notes and comments. I literally cannot say thank you enough for putting up with my crazy brain-dumps and last minute changes. 

Elastic Heart Masterlist

Read Chapter Fourteen

Chapter Fifteen: Stay

Y/N POV

I take a deep breath as I pull out my phone and set the timer, setting the test next to two others. Stupid, I chastise myself, putting yourself in this position again. I lean against the counter before sliding down onto the floor, still being mindful of my arm. I stare blankly at the wall and let my mind wander. We were careless, so caught up in the moment, nothing else seemed to matter at the time. What were the odds of this happening again? The thought hadn’t even entered my brain until after Crowley’s attack. It’s been over a week, and I can still hear his words as clear as the day he said them. Sam didn’t come back to you, choosing girl after girl. Would you like to know the real cause of your parent’s accident? You are the ultimate bargaining chips. He must’ve known; it would explain his taunts about having Cordy call him ‘father.’ The buzzing of my phone pulls me out of my thoughts, I expect to see the timer, but it’s Dean’s name popping up on the caller ID. I reject the call without a second thought; he and Sam are the last people I want to talk to right now.

I haven’t even had the chance to put my phone back down before it starts vibrating again. A glance tells me it’s Dean calling again. “It’s 7 am, Dean,” I grumble, staring down at my phone. Whatever is causing him to reach out after nearly three months of complete silence must be important, at least to him. I hesitate briefly before rejecting the call.

I check the timer, two minutes. Crowley’s voice is in my head, and I’m back to that night again. Your precious Y/N is running out of time, Sam. As soon as we moved in, I was going to reach out to Sam, tell him I was ready for him to be a part of mine and Cordy’s lives. We still had our issues to work through, but Cordy had expressed more than once that she was ready to know him, and at the time, I started to forgive him. Sam repeatedly called after Crowley had left me, but Crowley’s words were all too fresh in my mind.

I peer into my room to see Cordy sleeping soundly in my bed. She’s afraid to leave me at night, something that I can’t blame her for. As I watch her sleep, my mind drifts back to the morning after Crowley’s attack.

I was trying to keep myself calm as I read through Sam’s multiple apology-ridden messages. I didn’t care that he was sorry; it couldn’t make up for the fact he and Dean had left us so utterly vulnerable to their enemies. I watched from the living room window as Cordy walked back over; I didn’t know how to explain my injury to her and how much of the truth I could tell her without further traumatizing her. I couldn’t lie my way out of it, but demons were not something I knew how to explain to a ten-year-old. Tears welled in Cordy’s eyes the minute she caught sight of me; she could see through my forced smile, she ran to me and wrapped her arms tight around my waist.

“Hey.” I tried to soothe her, using my good arm to rub a hand down her back. “It’s okay, I’m okay,” I half lied. “Couple of months, and I’ll be good as new.”

Cordy’s grip briefly loosened when I moved us onto the couch, I couldn’t pick her up like I wanted to, but I wasn’t going to stop her from crawling into my lap and burying her head into my shoulder. I let her weep against me; through her sobs, I heard a muffled ‘mom.’

It had been weeks since she’d called out for mom or dad when she was scared. By the time we had moved, her nightmares about the accident had become fewer and farther in between. Cordy had taken to climbing into my bed and letting me lull her back to sleep whenever one had woken her up.

“I know,” I whispered, trying to keep my tears at bay. “I miss them too.”

Cordy pulled away, her face blotchy, eyes blood-shot, and shook her head. “You’re my mom, Y/N,” she mumbled. “I do-don’t wanna lo-lose you too.” Cordy splutters through her tears. “You-you’re all I– I have le-left.”

I choked back a sob; she’s right; we only have each other. As much as I wanted to, I couldn’t count on Sam to be there if something ever did happen to me. Cordy already lost one set of parents; I didn’t want to think about her losing Sam or me.

The vibration of my phone causes me to jump as it brings me back to the present. I sigh as I look down at the phone, rejecting the call. “Take the hint, Dean,” I mutter to myself. I check the timer, thirty seconds. I reach for the first test and vaguely remember an x-ray technician asking me if there was any possibility of me being pregnant. At the time, I didn’t even think about it; my night with Sam was the furthest thing on my mind.

I mindlessly chew away at my fingernails as the phone vibrates again, and I silently plead for it to stop. Relief floods through me when it does; maybe it’s finally gotten through to Dean that I don’t want to speak to him. The timer chirps and I grab the test off the counter and cover the results box with my hands. I close my eyes for a brief moment, praying that somehow I’m wrong. I take a shuddering breath as I slowly open my eyes, letting them land on the word ‘pregnant.’

Dean’s name briefly fills the screen again before I reject the call, setting my phone down on the tile. Surely he’ll get the message that I am intentionally not answering. I pull the second test off of the counter, pregnant. I don’t bother with the third. Even if somehow it was negative, the two positive pregnancy tests can’t both be wrong. I choke back a sob as I run through all of my options in my head. I can’t believe this is happening again. What am I going to tell Cordy? What about Sam? We weren’t in a good place when he left—that stupid fight.

The loud buzzing doesn’t just annoy me this time; it makes me want to pick up my phone and throw it against the wall. I grab my phone off the floor, and for a brief moment, I think of smashing into hundreds of pieces. I shake the thought out of my head before contemplating whether I should answer the call, my thumb hovering between the red and green circles.

“I’ve got nothing to say to you, Dean,” I say before ending the call, not giving him the chance to respond. I look back down at the test again, praying, willing it to change. I know it won’t, it was the first time I had sex in months, and of course, it’s with Sam fucking Winchester who had to go and get me pregnant. “Perfect vessel for Winchester children,” I mumble and let out a dry laugh. I wonder if the angels knew about this one, I chuckle to try to keep myself from crying, but the tears fall anyway, and my laughter quickly devolves into sobbing. Pregnant. Again. My phone chirps, 6 missed calls - Dean Winchester.

“Fuck,” I mutter as his name pops up again. I push the bathroom door closed, not wanting to wake Cordy. I clear my throat and wipe the tears away, taking a long and calming breath before accepting the call. “What do you want, Dean?”

“Y/N, don’t hang up, please, just–” Dean sighs, “I know you’re pissed, and you have every right, but–”

“Pissed is the understatement of the year.”

“Y/N–”

“The fucking King of Hell showed up on my doorstep. Came into my home and threatened the lives of both my daughter and me.” I hiss while trying to keep my voice down. “You know, I actually believed Sam when he said that Cas would show up if I prayed to him. Do you wanna know how many times I prayed for him to help? He did nothing, showing up hours later, giving some bullshit excuse about us not being in ‘real’ danger.”

“I–”

“What’s your excuse, Dean? Are you calling to apologize? You think that’ll make it all better? I don’t want your apology.” I can hear him huffing in anger on the other end. “Have a nice life, Dean.”

“Wait just a goddamn minute, Y/N,” he snaps before letting out a loud sigh and softening his voice. “I– I’m sorry. You have to believe that we didn’t know. If we even thought there was a chance of Crowley... we wouldn’t have let it happen. Sammy and I would’ve shown you how to protect yourself. Y/N, Sam has more guilt about Crowley than you’ll ever know. We didn’t think he knew about you or Cordy.”

“He said he’d been watching me for weeks,” I say, memories of that night playing in my head. “Weeks, Dean.”

“You would have been safe if you had stayed in Weldon,” Dean grumbles.

“The phone works both ways, Dean,” I murmur, trying to lessen my own guilt about leaving. “If you or Sam had bothered to keep in touch, you’d have known that we were planning to move.”

“Bullshit, Y/N,” Dean growls. “You stopped responding to Sam’s messages the day we left Weldon. You didn’t want to accept his apology, and at the time, as much as it broke him, he understood. You had no intention of telling us that you were moving. You can spout out crap about us not reaching out to you, Y/N, but you said it yourself, the phone works both ways.”

I let Dean’s words sink in. I’d threatened Sam with taking Cordy far away from him, but that wasn’t what the move was about; Cordy and I needed a change. I was able to leave so much of my baggage behind. I didn’t have to lie anymore; I didn’t have to carry the shame that my parents had made me feel for years.

“You asked for space, for time, and we were– are trying to respect that. You asked us to leave Weldon, and we did. I practically had to drag Sam outta there. He didn’t wanna leave you again, but I got his ass in the car, and we left. And all I heard from Weldon to Lebanon was how he wanted to tell you how sorry he was and that he was afraid that you would feel abandoned by him. It killed him to leave you and Cordy; you two are the only family we have left, and then you moved away without a single word. If you’d told us that you were planning on leaving Weldon, we would’ve found a way to protect you and Cordy. If you weren’t ready to be around Sam, we could’ve sent another hunter to protect you and Cordy.”

“We shouldn’t need protection, Dean. For ten years, we didn’t need protection. But the moment Sam steps back into my life, suddenly Cordy and I are targets for your enemies,” I let my eyes fall back on to the test in my hands. “I have to protect my family, Dean, and if that means Sam can’t be a part of our lives, then so be it. I refuse to live in constant fear that something like that could happen again. I’m not going to be some damsel in distress. I told Cas; Cordy and I are not bargaining chips.”

“The Crowley who attacked you doesn't exist anymore, Y/N. He's no longer the King of Hell; he's nothing more than a regular human. Crowley can't hurt you or Cordy ever again.”

“You can’t expect me to believe that’s true, Dean.”

“It is, Y/N.” Dean sighs, “Cas told us he warded your house. Wherever you are, you and Cordy are safe. I give you my word.”

“Your word isn’t the one I want, Dean. You’re not the reason Crowley came after us; Sam is. All of it was about him and me.”

“You don’t think that I care–?”

“I know you do, Dean,” I sigh, “but you’re on the phone with me instead of Sam. You’re the one playing peace-keeper. Sam should be the one telling me all of these things, not you. If Sam wants me to forgive him and think about letting him back into mine and Cordy’s life, then I need to hear it from him.”

Dean is silent on the other line, and through the static of the phone, I can hear a muffled voice coming through a speaker. A deep breath cuts through the silence before he speaks again.

“Sam’s– Sammy’s hurt, Y/N,” Dean’s voice hitches as if he’s trying to keep himself calm. “It’s– it’s bad.” Suddenly, all the background noises I’ve been hearing make sense. “He was doing okay for a couple of days, but then he took a turn for the worse. Sam’s…” Dean trails off briefly, and I fear that I already know what his next words will be. “You should be here, Y/N, you and Cordy. Sam needs his girls by his side.”

I smile briefly at Dean’s words before my heart falls into my stomach. There’s something he isn’t telling me, and every breath I try to take becomes more difficult. I grip the test tighter in my hands, and I try to let go of all of my anger that had been residing in me since the night we fought. I regret the last words spoken between us, fueled by rage and fear; we don’t need you; I should’ve taken the words back.

“Where are you?”

“Linwood Memorial Hospital in Randolf, New York.” Dean doesn’t hesitate.

“New York? You’re not in Kansas? I thought–”

“Randolf, New York,” Dean reiterates, “Linwood Memorial Hospital.”

I tell Dean that I will have to get a flight to him, and he insists on giving me a scammed credit card to pay for it. A part of me almost doesn’t want to take it, but after seeing how much such a last-minute flight would cost, I accept it.

I call the school as soon as I hang up with Dean, explaining that Cordy will be out for at least the rest of the week. The receptionist seems to understand, reminding me to reach out to her teachers for lessons and homework.

I step into my closet, grabbing two bags, and begin packing my belongings as quietly as I can. I set my bag down at the top of the stairs before repeating the process in Cordy’s room. I place Cordy’s bag next to my own before glancing back into my room. Cordy’s still sleeping, arms tightly gripping her teddy bear. I don't want to wake her, not yet, so I gently close my bedroom door before making my way downstairs. When I open the front door, there’s nothing but the sounds of nature greeting me. A few of the houses are bathed in an orange light where the sun is just barely peeking over rooftops. I step out onto the dewy grass, setting the bags down. I relish in the quiet of the neighborhood for a moment and let myself get lost in thought.

“Y/N,” a low voice says as their hand lands on my arm.

“Jesus!” I yelp, balling my fist and ready to throw a punch. I turn quickly to see my neighbor, Jason, standing behind me.

“Whoa! Sorry,” Jason puts his hands up in surrender, and I unclench my fist. “Didn’t mean to scare you.”

“Someone oughta put a bell on you,” I laugh slightly. “It’s not polite to sneak up on people. Didn’t your mother ever teach you that?”

“I called your name a couple of times,” he shrugs. “I guess you were off somewhere else?”

“Yeah, something like that.” I nod.

“Here, let me help you,” Jason picks up the two bags. “Looks like you’re makin’ a break for it.”

“I guess you could say that,” I shrug and walk towards my car, Jason matching my steps. “Thanks.”

“Don’t tell me we’ve scared you outta the neighborhood already?” Jason chuckles. “Is it Old Lady Nelson?” I try to speak, but he playfully cuts me off. “She’s a witch, you know.”

“Is she?” I raise an eyebrow and pop the trunk. “What kind of witch? Do I need to keep a bucket of water on hand?”

“No, more like the fortune-telling kind,” he grins, slowing his steps, before stopping at the trunk. “She paid me a visit the other day and said I would meet someone.”

“Oh?” I ask as he sets the two bags down, and he nods his head. Suddenly, I’m painfully aware that he’s flirting and that I may be unintentionally encouraging it.

“She said that she would have a-” Jason’s blue eyes dart around me, “a robin’s nest in her yard. Oh!” He dramatically yells as I close the trunk. ”Will you look at that?” He points to the robin’s nest and winks. I shake my head; we both know it was there long before I moved in. “So whaddya say, Y/N? Can I take you out for dinner sometime?”

“Cut right to the chase, don’t you?” I tease him. “Listen, Jason, I think you’re really nice, but–”

“But,” Jason sighs and frowns slightly, “you’re not interested?”

“I’m– I–” I don’t know how to describe my relationship with Sam. He isn’t my boyfriend, but he’s more than just the father of my daughter. “I’m with someone, Cordy’s dad. We’re going to be visiting him for the next couple of days.”

“Shit, Y/N, I’m sorry,” Jason runs his hands through his short hair and gives me an embarrassed smile. “Cynthia told me you were single and has been pushing for me to ask you out. If I’d have known, I wouldn’t have–”

“We have a complicated relationship,” I laugh weakly. “‘Sides you deserve someone who doesn’t have a mountain of baggage.”

“Well, if Mr. Complicated doesn’t wise up, he better be prepared to put up a fight for you,” he teases, and a slight tinge of pink fills his cheeks. “I don’t give up easily, and baggage doesn’t bother me.”

“You’re sweet,” I reach for his arm and gently squeeze it, “but you hardly know me. For all you know, I could be some stage five clinger psychopath or– or an assassin.”

“Then we’ll be two peas in a pod,” Jason smirks, stepping closer to me and brushing a stray hair away from my face. For a moment, I lean into his touch, but I stop myself.

“I have to go,” I exclaim and run back into the house, slamming the door behind me.

I scold myself as I pace my living room. Sam’s in some hospital, and you’re outside flirting with the neighbor? The clock on the wall catches my attention, 8 am, we have to leave soon.

“Y/N?” Cordy’s scratchy voice pulls me out of my thoughts; she looks to be on the verge of tears. “I woke up, and you weren’t there.”

“Oh, kid, I’m sorry.” I close the gap between us and let her settle against me. “I didn’t mean to upset you. I’ve had a busy morning. You and me, we’re going on a trip.”

“Really?” Cordy’s face lights up, “what kind of a trip?”

“We’re gonna visit Sam,” Cordy’s smile grows; this is something she’s wanted for the last month. “He’s sick,” I explain, and Cordy’s smile fades.

“Is he gonna be okay?”

“I hope so, kid. But I don’t know, that’s why we’re gonna go see him.”

*********************************************

When we arrive in Randolf, it’s almost 9 pm. Cordy and I are exhausted, unused to this kind of travel. It makes me wonder how Sam and Dean live in the Impala for hours and sometimes days on end. The hospital’s visiting hours will be over by now, so I send a message to Dean, letting him know that we are staying at a hotel for the night. He tells me that he has already added us to Sam's visitor list and that he would be under the name Dougherty. I crawl into the large bed, Cordy’s already sleeping soundly, and let my mind wander.

Sam is going to make it out of this, isn’t he? Will he be happy when I tell him about the baby? Will he come back to Lawrence with us when all of this is over? Will he walk away from Dean for the three of us? Will Dean let him?

It’s still early when a turning in my stomach makes me bolt towards the bathroom, emptying my stomach into the porcelain bowl.

“Y/N?” Cordy calls from outside the bathroom, and before I can muster out an answer, I feel the bile rising in my throat again. “Y/N? Are you okay?”

“Go back to bed, Cordy,” I say more harshly than I mean to. “I’ll be there in a minute.”

When I open the bathroom door, Cordy is still standing there, tears filling her eyes. “Are you mad at me?” She asks as a tear slips out.

“Oh, kid, I’m sorry I yelled at you,” I crouch down and meet her eyes. “I didn’t mean to.”

“Are you sick too?” Cordy sniffles.

“No,” I shake my head. “I’m– I’m gonna have a baby.”

Guilt overwhelms me as I pull into the hospital’s parking lot; I need Sam to know that I still love him, that all the words exchanged weren’t how I truly felt. Ten years of thinking he had run away, and the anger that exploded from us both drove my words. I know, deep down, that Sam wouldn’t have left if he’d known the truth. We were scared kids and didn’t know how not to believe the words of our parents. I know that if either one of us could go back, we would.

Even though Cas changed her memories, Cordy’s body tenses as we step into the hospital. She grips my hand tightly as we walk to the main desk and check-in. I ask for Sam Dougherty’s room, pulling out my ID and handing it to the receptionist. She smiles warmly as she hands over the visitor passes she printed for us.

“I need to ask you something, Cordy,” I say as I kneel to place the badge on the front of her shirt. “When we get up to Sam’s room, do you want to see him?” She fidgets at the mention of being in a hospital room. “You don’t have to; it’s your decision.”

“I don’t know,” she answers sheepishly. “If you want me to-”

“No, kid. I’m not going to make you do anything you don’t want to. It’s okay if you don’t,” I squeeze her arm. “I know we’ve talked about you getting to know Sam as your dad, but you’ve only met him a couple of times. If you’re not ready to see him, I’m not going to force you.”

“Is he gonna look scary?” She murmurs, looking down at the floor.

I don’t know how to answer the question. Dean said he was hurt badly. If Sam wasn’t going to get better from this, I don’t know if I want her one of her only memories of him to be attached to machines, bruised, and broken. If she’s only going to have one real memory of Sam, let it be of the day that he visited her after the accident.

“How ‘bout,” I offer, “I go and see him first, by myself. And if I think he looks too scary, I’ll tell you.”

“Sammy isn’t gonna be mad?” Cordy looks up to meet my eyes.

“No, of course not,” I say firmly, “he wouldn’t want you to be afraid.” She nods and grabs my hand as we head up to Sam’s room.

I leave Cordy just outside Sam’s room. She looks around for a moment before I hand over my tablet and headphones, letting her drown out the noises of the hospital. I hesitate to leave her, and when a nurse volunteers to sit with her, I graciously accept. I place a kiss on her forehead, whispering one four three in her ear before heading into Sam’s room. I peer into the open door of the room. Sam’s long frame fills the bed. He looks emaciated; his face bruised, eyes and cheeks sunken in, and skin stretched taut over his bones.

Dean’s at his side, hunched over; I can see his mouth moving but can’t make out anything he’s saying. I wipe the forming tears away, knocking softly on the door. Dean jumps slightly at the sound, and a look of relief washes over his face when he sees me.

“Y/N,” Dean frowns when he catches sight of me, his eyes immediately fall on my broken arm. “I’m so sorry,” he whispers as he wraps his arms around me. “Cas said he tried to heal–”

“What happened, Dean?” I pull away from him, focusing my attention on Sam. “How did he get this bad?”

“Did Cas tell you what we were trying to do?”

“Said something about closing Hell Gates,” I can’t take my eyes off of Sam’s body. Dean leads me to a chair, letting me sit down before moving to the opposite side of the bed. He grabs a second chair, pulling it around so that he’s sitting next to me.

“Yeah. What we didn’t know when Sam started them is that to complete the Trials, Sam would have to die.” Dean looks back over to Sam. “I couldn’t let that happen. I tried to convince him to stop, Y/N, but he wouldn’t listen. He couldn’t stop,” Dean seems to be reassuring himself just as much as me. “The only reason he’s probably still alive right now is that he collapsed before he could finish it.”

“Where’s Cas? Can’t he do something?” I ask, hopefully. “He can heal Sam, can’t he?”

“Sam’s been too damaged for months for Cas to do anything,” Dean sighs. “Tried to help a while back, and even then, he couldn’t do anything. I haven’t let that stop me, Y/N,” Dean offers a sad smile. “I’ve tried praying, but Cas won’t answer.”

“What about another angel?” I’m desperate, taking Sam’s lifeless hand in my own. “Cas can’t be the only one who can help.”

“The thing about angels, Y/N, is most of ‘em are dicks.” Dean lets out a pained laugh. “And they’re not exactly fans of Sam and me. Most won’t help even if they can.”

“You have to do something, Dean,” I plead. “You can’t let him die. You said you’d watch out for him. He can’t die, not now; I need him. Me and Cordy, we need him.”

“Y/N.”

“You’re friends with a freaking angel, you know the King of Hell, but you can’t do anything to save Sam? You’re not trying hard enough, Dean.” I direct all of the guilt I’m feeling at Dean; a part of me knows it’s not fair to him, but I can’t help it. “All this will be for nothing if he’s gone. You tried to stop him and now look at him,” I direct my attention back to Sam.

Dean silently takes my verbal lashing, his emerald eyes filling with tears.

“Screw you,” he says, barely above a whisper. “Sam is my brother, and we’ve been through more shit together than you will ever know.” I can hear the pain in Dean’s voice, but he remains calm and quiet, and I notice him discreetly wiping a tear away. “I’ve watched him die too many times already, and I wasn’t gonna let it happen again. I couldn’t let another Winchester grow up without a parent; me and Sam, we practically raised ourselves. Cordy deserves to have both of her parents raising her.”

“Dean–”

“You don’t know how messed up Sam got, Y/N!” Dean’s face reddens, and his voice starts to rise. “He was about to die, and he didn’t even care! If you’d heard what he said in that church– He thinks that you and Cordy are better off without him; that you can just replace him. He’s not replaceable, Y/N. I was trying to talk him off a ledge, and you wanna know the worst part? I’m the reason he got so messed up. I was the one that was supposed to be doing the Trials, not Sam. I could’ve finished them, and he could’ve finally gotten out. I had to save my brother; I will always do whatever it takes to save him. You can put the blame on me for how he is now, but don’t act like you wouldn’t have at least tried to stop him if you were there.”

“Dean,” I can barely speak, “I’m sorry. I just–”

“D’you know what he’s wanted since we were kids?” Dean doesn’t wait for me to respond and focuses back on Sam. “A normal life. He never wanted to be a hunter, follow in dad’s footsteps; he wanted to be his own person. I’m the one who dragged his ass away from Stanford, I’m the reason he wasn’t there when Jessica was murdered, and I know that deep down, a part of him will never be able to forgive me for it. Sam had his chance at normal, but he gave it up for me. If I hadn’t pulled him into that hunt, he probably wouldn’t have come back. He’d be living some apple-pie life with you or Jessica; married, a couple of kids running around, a dog, house with a white picket fence.”

“I don’t have a white picket fence,” I say softly, garnering a small chuckle from Dean. “But, I want all that with him. I want him around, to be a father to Cordy and- and...” I stop myself from saying any more, reluctant to tell him about this baby as well. If I tell him and Sam doesn’t make it through this, I can’t have Dean as a looming presence in Cordy and this baby’s life, reminding all of us of something we can never have. “Before Crowley, I was ready to find a way to make it work with Sam. After Crowley left, I was so scared, Dean, so angry. I still am, but I want us to move past all that. Cordy’s ready to know her dad.”

“Cordy knows?” Dean asks, his eyes going wide at my confession, “I thought you were– You said you didn’t want to tell her, that you wanted to wait until she was ready?” Dean’s brow furrows, and I can hear the anger in his voice. I had insisted to both brothers that Cordy wasn’t ready to know the truth, but now, only a few months later, she was suddenly ready?

“I was,” I focus my attention back on Sam, and I can feel the daggers Dean is staring into me. “That morning, after you left? That box of photos was still out,” I explain. I could tell he thought that I’d lied to him that night. “I’d meant to put them away, but after everything that happened, I was exhausted and pretty much passed out on the couch. When I woke up, Cordy was going through it and started asking questions. She was putting everything together before I could even come up with an excuse. The kid’s too smart for her own good,” I chuckle, and Dean relaxes slightly. “It was rough; Cordy was angry and confused, but she’s adjusting, we both are. She’s been getting used to the idea, and for the last month, she’s been asking me about getting to know Sam.”

“I’ll find a way to get him back to the both of you,” Dean promises, reaching out to give my hand a firm squeeze. “I promise, I’ll do whatever it takes.”

Dean and I sit in silence for a few minutes before a doctor joins us. He explains the extent of Sam’s injuries: massive internal burns, oxygen deprivation, the coma is Sam’s last resort of self-preservation.

“He’s dying,” Dean mutters.

“If he continues on this trajectory, I’m afraid so. The machines may be able to keep him alive, but with injuries such as these–”

“There isn’t anything you can do?” I question the doctor.

“I’m sorry, ma’am, but it’s in God’s hands now,” the doctor smiles at me sympathetically.

“God’s hands?” Dean huffs, and his face hardens. “You’re a medical professional, and you’re telling us that my brother’s life is in God’s hands? What, is that supposed to be some sort of– of comfort?”

“Dean,” I sigh, “he’s just saying–”

“No, Y/N,” Dean snaps at me. He immediately gives me an apologetic smile before standing up to meet the doctor at the edge of the bed. “God has nothing to do with this equation. If I wanted to leave it up to God, I wouldn’t have brought him here in the first place. Do your job, save my brother.”

The doctor doesn’t flinch at Dean’s verbal assault, taking it as gracefully as one can. He apologizes again before leaving us alone. Dean refuses to sit back down, pacing around the room and muttering under his breath. I focus back on Sam, squeezing his hand tighter, praying for some kind of response to show that he’s still there, fighting his way back to Cordy and me.

“You have to fight, Sam,” I lean in and whisper. “I didn’t mean what I said that night; I was angry and scared. We do need you. You can’t leave Cordy and me, not like this.”

The room is silent, save for the heart monitor beeping steadily and my sniffling. Dean has stopped pacing, and when I look up, he’s staring at Sam and me, waiting as much as I am for some kind of sign that Sam isn’t giving up. I wipe my tears away and take a long, calming breath before speaking.

“Cordy’s outside,” I say as I leave my seat. “I’m– I’m gonna talk to her, see if she wants to see Sam.”

Dean nods slightly, and as I walk by him, he pulls me into a hug, “I’ll find a way to fix this, Y/N,” he reassures me. “I’ll do whatever it takes to get him better again.”

When I get back to Cordy, she is intensely focused on the tablet in her hands. I take another long inhale, hoping that I can hide the evidence of my tears. I playfully tug at her headphones, pulling her attention away from the tablet, and I see she’s watching a video from a channel called Ghostfacers.

“Learn anything interesting?” I ask as I take the seat next to her.

“Nah,” she shrugs and turns off the tablet, “those guys are weirdos.”

I laugh as she puts the tablet back into my bag. I try to figure out the best way to breach the subject of Sam to Cordy.

“How’s Sammy?” Cordy asks as if she can read my mind, and I give her a tight-lipped smile.

“He’s– He’s not doing okay.” I try to think of a way to explain his condition to her, something that will make sense. “You know how sometimes when you’re sick, you just want to sleep?” Cordy nods. “Well, right now, Sam is really sick, so he’s gonna stay asleep until he’s better.”

“How long is Sammy gonna sleep?” Cordy questions innocently. “Are we gonna stay until he wakes up?”

“I– I don’t know, kid,” I tell her honestly. “It could be days, weeks, or,” I struggle with the next words, “Sam may never wake up.”

Cordy seems to understand what I’m saying, and I’m thankful that I don’t have to say the words, ‘Sam’s dying.’ I don’t push her to respond, letting her think over whatever she may want to say next. I keep my own conflicted feelings at bay; half wants to take her back to Lawrence and never talk about this ever again; the other half wants her to go in and see him so that at least she can get a proper goodbye.

“Can I see him?” Cordy asks after a few moments of silence. “Would that be okay?”

“If that’s what you want, kid,” I grab her hand in mine and gently squeeze it before walking us back towards Sam’s room.

Dean’s still pacing the floor when I walk in; Cordy stays behind me, gripping my hand tightly. I try to move forward, but she pulls back against me, stopping at the doorway. Dean peers around me before closing the gap between us and crouches down to meet Cordy at her eye-level.

“Hey, Princess, do you remember me?” Dean asks sweetly.

Cordy smiles and nods, “Y/N says you’re my uncle.”

“That’s right,” Dean’s eyes shine with pride. “I’m Sammy’s big brother. Do you know what big brothers do?” he asks, and Cordy shakes her head. “We protect our little brothers. We don’t let anything happen to them.”

“Can I talk to him?” She looks between Dean and me. “Is that okay?”

“Sure, kid,” I smile weakly.

Cordy lets go of my hand and makes her way to the empty chair by Sam’s side. Dean gives my arm a reassuring squeeze as I walk by, and I sit in the chair that he previously occupied. Cordy doesn’t say anything at first, seemingly studying Sam silently, she wasn’t one to normally shy away from a conversation, but this is a new experience for her.

“Why don’t you tell Sam about school?” I suggest, knowing that once she starts talking, it’ll be hard to get her to stop.

Cordy nods before explaining in unbelievable detail about her teachers and classmates. She tells him all about our new house and how she decorated her room because she’s not a little kid anymore, which causes a small laugh from both Dean and me. She speaks non-stop for what seems like hours, telling Sam everything he would ever need to know to become integrated into our lives.

“Definitely Sam’s kid,” Dean jokes from the edge of the bed, listening just as intently as Sam would. Cordy doesn’t pay any attention and goes right back to chattering.

After a few minutes, Dean gets up and gestures for me to join him outside the room. He tells me he has a plan, that it could be our only hope to save Sam, and gently orders me not to let anyone else into the room until he gets back. I want to pry for more details, but it must be a long-shot or something dangerous if Dean’s not giving them.

When I walk back into the room, Cordy is telling Sam how she hopes that he will be awake for her birthday, and my heart breaks. Unless Dean can pull off some miracle, Sam won’t recover from this; his body is far too damaged.

When Dean returns a half-hour later, a bruise is blossoming on his cheek as if he’s been in a fight, and a large man follows closely behind him. Something about him is unsettling, and Cordy stops speaking when she sees him, leaving her seat to move into my lap.

“Y/N, I think you should take Cordy outside,” Dean suggests, and the man eyes the two of us.

For a moment, I want to protest, but Dean hardens his face, and it seems that he’s as wary of this stranger as I am.

“Okay,” I nod, getting out of the chair and grabbing Cordy by the hand. She tugs against me and takes a few steps towards the head of the bed. She leans over so much that only her toes are touching the ground and does her best to hug Sam and places a kiss on his cheek. If I had any less control over myself, I’d be a sobbing mess at the sight—damn hormones.

I give Cordy a small smile when she turns around and returns her hand to mine. I settle her back into the same seat before returning to Sam’s room.

“Dean? What’s going on? Who is this?”

“My name is Ezekiel,” the man faces me, “I am not here to harm you or your daughter, Y/N.”

“How do you–”

“Angel,” Dean answers before I can finish asking my question. “He’s here to help, right?” Ezekiel nods. “Even cut-off from Heaven, you can still heal him, can’t you?”

“Your brother is very weak.”

“No, no,” Dean growls, “I saved your life, and you said you could help. That was our deal: I fight, you save.”

“Please,” I say, stepping closer to Ezekiel. “You can’t do anything?”

“There are no good ways, I’m afraid.”

“Then what are some of the bad ones?” Dean says. “He’s dying, let’s hear ‘em, good or bad.”

Ezekiel explains that he can help from the inside. I watch as Dean contemplates what Ezekiel says, looking to me for some kind of relief. I shake my head, and I tell him I don’t understand.

“Possession,” Dean explains.

“It is your decision, Y/N, and yours, Dean,” Ezekiel sits down.

“No, it’s not,” Dean murmurs. “It’s Sam’s. He’d never say yes to being some angel’s meatsuit.”

“I understand, but without my help, your brother will die.”

Dean turns his attention to Sam and sighs, “do it.”

“Dean,” I pull him towards me. “You can’t seriously be considering this.”

“He can fix Sam, Y/N!” Dean argues. “This is the only solution I can think of that doesn’t involve something worse.”

“Worse than you letting some angel possess him?” I question in disbelief. “I know you want to help him, Dean. But this isn’t the way, tell me you don’t know that.”

“What, you want to leave it in God's hands? Just wait and see if maybe he comes out of this? Those Trials– The person completing them is meant to die; it’s supposed to be the ultimate sacrifice. I say Sam’s sacrificed enough in his life. He deserves to live, Y/N.”

“I don’t want him gone either, Dean, but this should be his choice, not yours or mine. You know him better than anyone. Do you think this is how he’d want you to save him? He wouldn’t want this, Dean. I don’t want this.”

“You told me to fix him, that you want to keep him in your life, Y/N. That’s what I’m doing.”

“I know, but–” I turn my gaze to Ezekiel and then back to Sam. “This isn’t right, Dean. You know it isn’t.”

Dean shrugs me off of him and steps closer to Ezekiel, and they begin talking in hushed tones. My eyes land on Sam, and for a moment, I consider what Dean is saying, thinking that it may be the only way to keep Sam in my and Cordy’s lives. I watch Ezekiel; his voice is too low for me to make out any exact words. There’s something he’s not telling us. Ezekiel repeats his offer.

“He’d never say yes to you,” Dean murmurs.

“But he would say yes to you or Y/N,” Ezekiel offers, his eyes land between us. "If you want me to help Sam, we must act quickly." Despite his words, there is no urgency in Ezekiel's voice, no emotion. "Your brother doesn't have much time."

"No," I murmur, shaking my head when Dean faces me. "You're not going to use me to manipulate Sam. There's gotta be another way, Dean."

“There's not, Y/N," Dean sighs. "You heard the doctor; there's nothing more they can do."

"That's not what he said, Dean," I argue, even though from what we were told, there was little chance of Sam recovering. I have to hope that somehow he can get better. "People wake up from comas every day. There are new therapies–"

"They will not work, Y/N," Ezekiel states matter-of-factly. "The damage done to Sam's body cannot be healed by mere mortals. Sam will die unless you allow me to help."

"If I’m going to consider this, you show me, prove to me how bad he is," Dean's desperate; we both are. Ezekiel moves, placing one hand on Sam and the other on Dean, and both men go still for a few moments. I stand there, unable to do anything but watch as the heart monitor beeps become further apart.

"What're you doing, Sam?" Dean says barely above a whisper. He turns to face me again, and I can see the fear and panic playing on his face. He turns back to Ezekiel. "Go in as me to convince him."

"Dean!"

“Tell him I gotta plan, that he has to trust me," Dean ignores me and instructs Ezekiel. "And– and that he has a kid that needs him."

I can’t take it anymore, and I don’t want to be anymore complicit in Dean letting Ezekiel possess Sam than I already am. Dean and Ezekiel are too caught up in their conversation to notice me walking towards Sam. If Dean wants Ezekiel to save Sam, he's not going to use us to do it.

I lean forward and whisper in his ear, “I’m sorry.” I squeeze Sam’s lifeless hand and place a kiss on his forehead. "One four three."

I don’t say anything else to Dean or Ezekiel and reluctantly leave the room. I try to keep myself calm when I get back to Cordy, giving her a pained smile that I hope she doesn't see through. She doesn’t question me when I take her hand in mine and begin walking us towards the elevators. I know I’ll have to explain why we’re leaving at some point, but I can’t do it now, not when I can hardly wrap my brain around it.

We’re halfway down the hall when I hear Dean calling after me, I do my best to ignore it, but it becomes more difficult when Cordy points it out as if somehow I don’t hear him. Dean's voice continues to follow, and I can see Cordy giving me a questioning look out of the corner of my eye.

“Y/N!” Dean’s hand lands on my shoulder, only moments after we reach the elevator bay. “Don’t leave, please, I’m begging you,” he pleads. “It’s the only way.”

"You're not doing this in front of Cordy, Dean," I scold him before turning my attention to Cordy. "Go take a seat over there, please," I gesture to a row of empty chairs.

"But, Y/N–" Cordy tries to protest.

"Now, Cordy." She pouts, and once she is far enough away that she can no longer hear us, Dean tries to start in again, but I beat him to it. "How fucking dare you. You think I'm gonna let you use Cordy and me to trick Sam into letting some,” I lower my voice as a staff worker walks by, “angel possess him?”

"I’m doing this for you, for Cordy.”

“You’re doing this for you, Dean,” I argue back. “You don’t even know this guy. He could be lying to you. How do you know he’s not going to just–” I can feel myself getting worked up and take a deep breath. “I might not know anything about angels, but you can’t tell me that Ezekiel doesn’t seem to be a little off?”

“So, what, you just– just want to let him die? You're ready to just give up on him?” Dean’s face grows red, and his forehead crinkles.

“Stop it, Dean,” I snap. “I want him back too, but this isn’t the way.” I take a deep breath. “I'm not okay with this, Dean, and you know Sam wouldn't be either."

“What about Cordy, everything you've told me? You want her to grow up without her dad?”

“Screw you, Dean.” I bite back, the palm of my hand connecting with his cheek. “Cordy is my kid and the most important person in my world. I won’t let you guilt me into thinking you're doing this for her.”

“We’re outta options, Y/N. What else do you want me to do? I can’t– I won’t walk away when there’s a chance to save him. Sam’ll–”

“Sam will never forgive you, Dean.”

“He might be pissed at me for the rest of his life, but at least he’ll be alive, Y/N.”

"I can't stop you, Dean. But if you go through with it: making Sam's choice for him, then you're making mine too." I call out for Cordy, and she joins me by my side again. "Say goodbye to Dean," I instruct her gently, trying to keep my voice steady.

"Don't do this," Dean whispers, and I shake my head, twisting slightly to press the button on the wall. I can't stay, not when I have two other people to think about. "Please."

Cordy hesitantly places her arms around Dean and mumbles goodbye to him. When she steps back, I lay my hands on her shoulder and pull her closer to me so that she can't see the tears slipping from my eyes.

"Goodbye, Dean," I say as I hear the doors ding open and turn around to step into the elevator. Dean's emerald eyes are filled with tears as I face him a final time. "I hope you make the right choice," I whisper as the doors close.

As we exit the hospital, Cordy questions why we’re leaving, and I struggle to find an answer. We'll be back on a plane to Lawrence tomorrow, and I do everything I can to evade her questions about Sam, eventually settling on Sam may never wake up.

We are walking into the house when a backfiring car sends me over the edge. Cordy helplessly watches as I’m thrust back into my memories of the night of the werewolf attack; its amber eyes staring me down, its claws swiping at me, how I had to lie to everyone about what happened, how I still have to. Sam never leaving my side until we were pulled apart by my parents.

My whole world is crashing down around me, and all I want is Sam. I want to feel his arms around me again, telling me that everything will be okay. I want to sink my body into his, taking solace in his comforting embrace, and let myself get lost in him. I want him to be with us forever, having the family he’s wanted since I told him I was pregnant all those years ago.

My Sam may be gone forever, and the only thing I can do is pray that Dean made the right decision.

Three Years Later

“Cordelia Mary!” I yell from the bottom of the stairs. “Your butt better be down here in five minutes.”

“Mo-om!” I hear her door opening, and she steps onto the landing. “That’s not enough time–”

“Too bad, kid,” I huff. “I mean it, Cordy, five minutes, or I'm taking your phone away.” A grumbled okay comes from the top of the stairs. I head back towards the kitchen, blue and green orbs watching me as I walk back in. “What’re we gonna do about her, Sammy?” I laugh as I bend down and scoop him up in my arms. “No ideas, huh?”

"You yell at sissy." He giggles when I nuzzle into his neck and blow raspberries on his chubby cheeks. “Sissy in t’ouble?"

"No, baby. Sissy isn't in trouble," I sit him down in his chair and run my fingers through his chestnut locks. Sammy’s eyes widen, and a smile forms when he looks behind me.

Large hands wrapping around my waist cause me to jump back and let out a yelp. I turn around to a cheeky grin; he’s obviously very proud of himself.

“You jerk,” I swat at his chest, trying to retain my serious demeanor, which becomes harder to do as Sammy’s laughter fills the kitchen. Warm, comforting arms pull me closer to him. I let my hands settle on the back of his neck, curling my fingers in his hair. He leans down to place a tender kiss on my lips, letting his two-day scruff scratch against my lips. “I don’t know why I put up with you sometimes.” I roll my eyes playfully at him.

“You say that, but,” his lips move to the shell of my ear, “we both know exactly why you put up with me.” He pulls back and gives me a wink. His hand leaves my waist and delicately takes my left hand into his kissing the diamond ring still settling on my finger. “‘Sides, you love me, and you know it.”

“Love?” I scoff, trying to hide my smile. “I don’t know if I would say that. Not if you insist on sneaking up on me all the time.”

“Sammy saw me, didn’t you?” I turn in his embrace, letting my back settle against his chest, and his arms stay tight around me. Sammy giggles and shakes his head. “Traitor,” he whispers.

I curl my hands around his arms; it has taken us so long to get here, something I never thought would happen. The watch on his wrist alerts me to the time, and I gently pull away from him, making my way back towards the stairs.

“Cordy! I’m serious!” I yell up the stairs, “You’d better be down here in two minutes!”

"Do you want me to talk to her?” he asks as I walk back into the kitchen. He’s sitting down next to Sammy, cutting fruit into halves as Sammy tries shoveling the food into his mouth. “See what the problem is?"

"She's a teenager; that's the problem," I laugh, taking a seat at the table. “Didn’t think you’d be here three years ago, did you?”

“What do you mean?” His eyebrow furrows in confusion.

“Raising a teenager and a toddler with someone who works ridiculous hours and has serious abandonment issues,” I keep my tone light, but he knows the insecurity behind my words.

“Y/N,” Jason reaches for my hand and gently squeezes it. “I told you a long time ago, I don’t give up that easily. If I didn’t think I could handle it, I wouldn’t have pursued you for as long as I did,” he says with a chuckle. “I love you, Y/N; Cordy and Sammy, they may not be mine, but I’ll never treat them any different than if they were. I’m never gonna walk away from you or them.”

Cordy is downstairs just as I’m about to call out for her again. She chatters away as she eats her breakfast, only to be interrupted by Sammy’s need to chime in. She placates her little brother, and we all listen intently as he struggles to connect one thought to another.

“C’mon, kid,” I stand up from the table, “it’s our turn to carpool; go get Ava.”

She quickly gets out of her chair and places a kiss on Sammy’s cheek. She lets Jason pull her in for a quick hug before grabbing her backpack and making for the front door. I lean down and place a kiss on his lips before doing the same with Sammy. By the time I’m outside, Cordy and Ava are both in the back seat, deep in conversation.

I drop the girls off at school and make my way back home, ready to sleep for hours and thankful that I have the next two days off. Jason plans his schedule around mine so that one of us can be home with Cordy and Sammy more often than not. On a day like today, when I’m coming off a twelve-hour shift from the hospital, he’ll leave late in the morning and come back in the early afternoon. I find it comforting to know that I will never have to worry about him not returning from a job.

Jason and Sammy are sitting on the living room floor when I walk through the door, watching some kids show that I can’t quite place. I laugh to myself when I notice that Jason seems to be just as invested as Sammy. I take the opportunity to sneak up on him, and Jason nearly jumps to his feet when my hands land on his back. Sammy lets out a loud, high-pitched squeal and claps his chubby hands together, laughing as Jason chuckles.

“Consider that your payback,” I giggle as he turns around, wrapping my arms around his neck, and he lands a playful swat on my ass.

"You'll pay for that later," he teases before leaning forward to press a kiss on my lips.

I sit with them for as long as I can before exhaustion starts to overpower my will to stay awake—damn midnight shifts.

I make my way upstairs and crawl into the comfort of my bed, allowing sleep to finally take me. The bed dips and the warmth of a body where there was once cold causes me to stir, and I roll over, opening my eyes to meet Jason’s blue ones. I smile sleepily as he presses his lips on my forehead and tells me that he’s put Sammy down for his nap. I pull his face downward, allowing him to kiss me properly. Jason holds me close, pulling me flush against him, letting me take comfort in his warm embrace until I’m asleep again.

“Mama.” Sammy’s small voice wakes me, and I open my eyes to see him reach for the edge of the bed, his curls matted on one side. “Wake up, mama!”

“Hey, baby,” I coo, trying to shake the hoarseness away. I swing my legs over the bed and reach for Sammy, pulling him into my lap. “Did you have a good nap?”

“Good nap, mama,” he repeats.

“Are you ready for a snack?” I ask as I stand up, letting Sammy settle on my hip.

“Hung’y, mama,” Sammy happily nods as we make our way downstairs.

I set Sammy down in his pack n’ play and pour some Puffs into a bowl, letting his loud crunching and noisy toys fill the kitchen as I fix us something to eat. As I’m setting the plates down, I hear a knock on the front door.

“Ugh, every time,” I complain, taking a small piece of apple and placing it in my mouth. “I’ll be back in just a minute, okay?”

“‘Kay, mama,” Sammy says as he picks up another puff.

Another rapping comes from the door, this one louder than the last, probably some salesperson, I murmur. When I open the door, all I see at first is a broad, tall body covered by a blue plaid shirt, and as I let my eyes travel up, I meet a pair of eyes that I never thought I’d see again.

“Sam.”

“Y/N/N.”

My heart races at the sound of my name on his lips, but I can’t move; the last time I saw Sam, Dean was about to let an angel possess him. What if this wasn’t Sam? What if this was Ezekiel? I eye him suspiciously. Should I call Cas?

“It’s me, Y/N/N,” Sam says as if he can read my mind.

“No.” I shake my head and attempt to close the door. “I don’t know who or what you are, but you stay away from my family and me.”

“Y/N/N, baby, it’s me." Sam gently steps forward and stops the door. "We met Thanksgiving 2002,” he offers. “I saved you from a werewolf, you clung to me the whole night, and I started falling for you right then. I had to convince my dad to let me stay, I told him it was for school, but it’s ‘cause I wanted to stay close to you. The first time you said ‘I love you’ was Valentine’s Day; we went to The Tavern, and you were concerned about the prices. The day you told me you were pregnant– it was one of the happiest days of my life, even though I was scared shitless. I couldn’t believe it when I saw you again at Joe’s. I wanted to tell you right then and there how much I missed you; how sorry I was–”

“You’re rambling,” I murmur, reaching out and pressing my palm to his cheek, and he leans into my touch. Sam wraps his arms around me, squeezing me tightly as if he’s afraid to let me go.

“What– what’re you doing here? How–?” I mumble into his chest.

“Cas,” Sam takes a deep breath. I let him hold on to me while I try to keep myself calm. “Told us you were in Lawrence; I can’t tell you how pissed Dean–” I pull away slightly, and Sam shakes his head. “Quick search gave me your address,” he gives me an embarrassed smile that quickly fades. Sam’s embrace around me loosens, and I step back to scan his face. The dark circles under his eyes hint at the fact that it’s probably been days since he last slept. “I guess I should have called first?” Sam lets out a laugh that seems to be hiding pained thoughts.

“It’s not that,” I shake my head. “I– I can’t believe you’re here. I didn’t think–”

Sam takes my hand in his rubbing it gently, and gives me a small smile. His brow furrows, and his smile quickly fades as his eyes travel down toward our connected hands.

“You’re married,” Sam states, brushing his thumb over the ring on my finger. “Of course you are." He lets go and shakes his head, seemingly in disbelief. “I’ll just– I’ll go. I don’t–”

“Wait, Sam,” I stop him. “Come in, please,” I insist. Sam nods his head warily, and I step aside so that he can walk in. I can hardly form a coherent thought as he walks into my house. He doesn’t make it far in before stopping, reaching out to touch a photo hanging on the wall. Even without a clear view, I know it’s of Cordy, taken only a few weeks ago on the first day of school. The smile that forms on Sam’s face is instant, and I can see his eyes beginning to water.

“Corie, she’s– she’s beautiful, Y/N/N,” he says, eyes never leaving the frame.

I join him in front of the photo, and I watch as he studies it intensely. "Let's talk," I whisper as I move away from the wall and towards the kitchen. My eyes immediately fall on Sammy when I walk back in, who’s keeping himself busy with one of his many toys, smiling at the random noises coming from him. I turn around when I can no longer feel Sam’s presence behind me, and I see him staring blankly at Sammy through the mesh material.

“You– you had a baby,” Sam murmurs, taking his eyes off the toddler and gives me a sad smile. “I’m happy for you, Y/N/N,” Sam’s words are hollow. “I'm sure Corie’s a great big sister."

“She tries,” I laugh slightly, “maybe Dean could–”

“Dean’s dead.” Sam cuts me off, his bluntness taking me by surprise. “He sacrificed himself so that we could be together– our family could be together,” Sam’s jaw clenches slightly, and his face reddens. “But I come back here, and you’re married, and have another kid–”

“Sam,” I move towards him. I know how it must look—that shortly after we last saw each other, I found someone else; that I replaced him. “I need to tell you–”

“No, Y/N/N, you don’t have to explain yourself to me,” Voice laced with anger, Sam stiffens before taking a few steps back. “It’s been three years,” He turns around and heads back towards the front of the house. "I couldn’t expect you to wait around forever, could I?”

“Sam–!” I try to get his attention before he leaves, but he ignores me. I grab Sammy and chase him down as best I can with a toddler in my arms.

“I just– I want to be in Corie’s life, Y/N/N,” Sam says as he reaches for the door. “I want to know my daughter, and I want her to know me. I’m out of the life. Without Dean, I can’t do it; I’m not a hunter anymore. Talk it over with your husband; I’ll do whatever you want, Y/N/N, please, just don’t keep Corie away from me.”

“Sam, wait, please–” He’s halfway across the lawn when I stop him, my free hand landing on his shoulder. Sam stills but doesn’t turn around. I walk around him so that I’m standing in front of him. Sam’s eyes are bloodshot, tears flowing freely from them as he stares at the ground. “Stay.”

“I can’t,” Sam looks up to meet my gaze. “I can’t stay and not be with you, Y/N/N. You and Corie– You’re a real family now,” his eyes briefly land on Sammy again, who’s tugging at the necklace Sam gave me. “I’m not going to stand in your way. You and your husband–”

“Stop, Sam,” I plead, reaching up to wipe his tear-stained cheeks. “I’m so sorry about Dean.”

“We didn’t have any other choice,” Sam murmurs, leaning into my touch as I tuck back some of his fallen hair behind his ear. “Dean, he�� he made me promise to come to find you, get our family back. Said that he wanted us to be together, made Cas tell me where you were. I-I didn’t think...” Sam shakes his head and his voice trembles. “I-I wanna stay nearby so that I can stay close to Corie.”

“Mama, look!” Sammy points to Jason’s truck as it pulls into the driveway and tries to squirm out of my hold. “Daddy!” By the time Sammy is down, Jason is already heading towards us. Sammy is wobbly on his feet as he makes for Jason, who lifts him into his arms, causing a giggle to leave Sammy.

“Hey, babe,” Jason places a light kiss on my lips and lets his free hand around settle on my waist. “Who’s this?”

“Jason, this is Sam,” I say cautiously. Jason’s brows raise in surprise as he seemingly puts it together. Sam doesn’t move, only narrowing his eyes on Jason. “Sam, this is Jason.”

“I’ve heard a lot about you,” Jason offers his hand to Sam, and I know he’s trying to play nice. Sam doesn’t move, giving him a tight-lipped smile and a nod. Jason closes his hand and brings it back to his side. “I’m gonna take him inside,” Jason gestures to Sammy, breaking the growing tension between the three of us. “I can hear this one’s stomach growling,” he jokes. “You hungry, buddy?”

Sammy nods his head excitedly, and Jason lets him down onto the grass. Sammy is tugging at his arm, guiding Jason back towards the house.

“It was nice meeting you, Sam,” Jason says after taking a few steps away from us. Sam doesn’t respond again, only giving another nod.

Jason disappears back inside the house, leaving Sam and me alone on the lawn. I don’t know how to tell him everything that I need to.

“He’s cute,” Sam says half-heartedly, and I lift my brow in confusion, “The kid. I guess your husband is too. How long have you been together?”

“Jason isn’t– we’re not married,” I finally get the chance to correct him. “He proposed a couple of weeks ago.”

“Is he good to you?” Sam takes a step closer to me. “He treats you and Corie right? Because if he’s not–”

“He’s been good for us, all of us. Stepped into a role when he could’ve run the other direction,” I laugh slightly.

I can see that Sam has more questions, but my front yard’s public nature makes it difficult. Realizing that Cordy will be home in a couple of hours, I suggest going somewhere more private, promising to answer all of his questions. Sam agrees, and I run back into the house to redress and tell Jason that Sam and I need to discuss everything alone. Jason hesitates, but he reluctantly agrees that it would be for the best. I leave him and Sammy with a kiss, promising to be back in a few hours.

"Dean said that you came to the hospital." Sam sits down across from me at the diner, nodding politely at the waitress as she drops off our two coffees.

"I had to," I murmur, bringing the ceramic cup to my lips and taking a sip. "I'm sorry that I didn't stay. I wanted to, but something about Ezekiel and what Dean wanted him to do, it didn't feel right."

"It's okay," Sam assures me and reaches across the table to take my hand in his. "Ezekiel, he– he wasn’t who he said he was, he lied to Dean from the start, didn’t even tell him his real name, Gadreel. When Dean became suspicious, Gadreel– he locked me away inside my mind, and used my body to kill innocent people,” Sam tears his gaze away from mine and brings his hand back into his lap. “It’s good that you left. You and Corie, you– you wouldn’t have been safe if you stayed.”

Sam spends the better part of the next hour filling me in on everything that happened since we’d last seen each other. I don’t know how to tell Sam about Sammy, and for a brief moment, I consider letting him think that Sammy isn’t his, but quickly decide against it. Sam's face lights up when I tell him, and tears fill his eyes as I pull out my phone to show him the trove of photos of Sammy and Cordy. If Sam was truly out, then I had to give him the chance to be a part of our lives, didn’t I? Cordy and Sammy deserve the chance to know Sam, the Sam I fell in love with.

It’s late by the time I return, and I do everything I can to act as if everything is normal. Cordy, Sammy, and Jason are curled up on the couch, watching a movie, and I greet them quickly before heading upstairs. Cordy calls out for me to join them, causing Jason to turn around and take in my appearance. I tell her I’ll be back down after a shower, and I see Jason getting up out of the corner of my eye.

I don’t realize that Jason is behind me until I hear the door closing only moments after walking into my room.

"I think we should talk," He murmurs, closing the gap between us. I fiddle with the ring on my finger and move towards the bed, taking a seat on the edge. "About us, the kids; about Sam," I nod, and my eyes stay fixated on the ring on my finger. “Whatever happened today, just- just don’t lie, Y/N, please, no matter how difficult the truth is.”

“Okay,” I nod again, and Jason places a kiss on my temple.

“You told me that Sam disappeared,” Jason moves down so that our eyes can meet. “Did you know that he was going to show up here today?”

The topic of Sam was a difficult one for me to breach with Jason. He’s never pushed me for more information than what I am willing to give him. When we first started dating, Sammy was only a few months old. I had finally come to terms with the fact that Sam was most likely dead or worse. Radio silence from Dean seemingly confirmed my suspicions, and I allowed myself to move on, to fall in love again. My feelings for Sam never disappeared, they stayed deep inside me, and when I saw him again, they all came rushing to the surface.

"No," I answer honestly. "The last time I saw Sam, he was in a coma. His brother and I couldn’t agree on what to do. Dean wanted to use,” I hesitate, “extreme measures, I had just found out I was pregnant with Sammy, and I couldn’t–” I don’t know how to explain it to Jason; how I seemingly took Cordy and ran away. I try to find something that resembles the truth. “He was dying, I wanted him to get better, but I couldn’t watch him become an empty shell of himself. Dean had medical power of attorney, and I had no chance of winning any contestation. Legally, Sam’s not Cordy’s dad; there was nothing I could do. Cordy and I said goodbye, and we left. I thought he died since we didn’t hear from either of them again.”

Jason listens carefully and takes a deep breath before speaking again. Whatever it is, I can tell it's going to be difficult. “Did anything happen while you were with him?"

I’m caught off-guard by the question, and guilt begins to fill every inch of my body. I look away from Jason and catch a glimpse of myself in the mirror. My hair is mussed, and my lips are still swollen; it couldn’t be any more obvious what happened. Jason is studying me when I face him again, and tears fill my eyes. I don’t want to admit what Sam and I did less than two hours ago.

“Jason, please," I beg, my shame taking over. “I can’t.”

"Please, Y/N," he demands softly, and a choked sob leaves me. “Did you kiss him?” I nod my head and Jason tenses. I glance up and see a mixture of anger and sadness at my confession, which only makes me cry harder.

“Did you–” Jason struggles to get the words out, and I fear I know exactly what his next question will be. “Did you sleep with him?”

"I'm sorry!" I cry, and Jason moves away from me at my confession. He paces the floor in front of me, face growing redder by the second, his jaw clenches, and I see him ball his fists. “I didn’t– I wasn’t– It just happened.”

"It just happened?" Jason stops in his tracks, questioning me in disbelief. "You don't accidentally sleep with someone who isn't your fiancé, Y/N!"

“I- I know,” I sob, barely able to choke out the words. “It all hap-happened so fast," I try to explain myself. “One minute we were talking and the next Sam was kissing me and then…”

"I don't need the details, Y/N," Jason snaps. "Just tell me, why?"

"I don't know. I wasn't thinking. I needed closure; we've never been able to give each other a proper goodbye."

"And sleeping with him got you that?!" He asks in a hushed yell. If the kids weren't downstairs, we'd be in a screaming match right now. "A proper goodbye? So does that mean Sam's leaving? That he’s going to give you and Cordy and Sammy up? Disappear from our lives forever?"

"I-I don't know," I say between sniffs.

Jason storms out of the room, leaving me alone with my guilt. Jason had been there for Sammy’s birth, holding my hand the entire time. He stepped into the role of step-father when he could’ve walked away. Jason is the only father Sammy has ever known; Cordy took longer to warm up to him, still holding out hope that Sam would be a part of our lives again one day. Jason and I discussed him adopting both Cordy and Sammy after we were married, but now that Sam is back, I’m questioning everything.

When Jason returns half an hour later, he’s calmer than before, but I can still see the anger written on his face. He didn’t deserve what Sam and I did to him, and I wouldn’t blame him for leaving me—us. I watch closely as he walks over to the bed and sits down next to me.

“Are you still in love with Sam?” Jason hesitantly asks and takes my hand in his, his thumb grazing over the ring. “Do you want to be with him?”

“He’s Cordy and Sammy’s dad; a part of me will always love him.”

“That’s not what I asked, Y/N,” Jason gently grabs my chin and turns my face towards him. “Are you in love with Sam?” He asks more pointedly.

“I– I don’t know,” I murmur.

“Y/N,” he sighs, “I love you, and if you tell me this won’t ever happen again, I am ready to find a way for us to work through it. But you have to decide what you want, who you want: Sam, or me.”

I let his words sink in, wondering if the situations were reversed if I would be able to do the same. I can’t tell him something like that will never happen again because I don’t know if I can ever trust myself to not fall back into Sam’s arms. Sam was all I ever wanted for ten years, but I had to put my feelings for him aside so that I could focus on Cordy and Sammy; I have to do what’s best for them.

“I’m going to stay at my house tonight.” Jason’s voice pulls me from my thoughts. “Think about what I’ve said.” He leans down and places a kiss on my forehead.

“Jason,” I reach for his hand, “I never meant to hurt you.”

He smiles sadly, then leaves. I hear him say goodbye to Cordy and Sammy. The silence that follows when the front door closes breaks my heart. A few minutes later, Cordy carries Sammy into my room, and they both crawl into my bed. She’s old enough to understand that something happened between Jason and me. I don’t know if I should tell her of Sam’s return and decide against it. I’m not ready to answer the questions that will inevitably follow. The three of us fall asleep together; Sammy sandwiched between Cordy and me.

When I wake up the next morning, I know what I want. I know who I want. He was the last thing to cross my mind before I fell asleep and the first thing I thought of when I woke up.

I reach for my phone and send him a message asking him to come over as soon as possible. He replies quickly, telling me he will be over shortly. I put the phone down and turn to wake Cordy and Sammy. She grumbles, but I give her a little nudge and ask her to wait downstairs. Cordy sends me a questioning look through her sleepy features, but she complies when I tell her it’s important.

Cordy’s still half-asleep on the couch when I make my way down, Sammy propped on my hip, also unable to keep his eyes open. My whole body is shaking with nerves as I impatiently wait for him to arrive.

Three light raps on the door have me on my feet in seconds, racing towards the future with the man I want to spend the rest of my life with. I swing the door open, letting him step into the house, and he wraps his arms around Sammy and me, holding onto us as tight as he can. I relax into his embrace and breathe in his familiar scent.

As I pull away, I let my eyes fall on his familiar features. I run my free hand through his hair, and a smile appears on his lips. He leans down to press a gentle yet eager kiss on my lips. His rough, calloused fingers tenderly brush against Sammy’s face, and tears fill his eyes as he takes in the little boy’s features. I hand Sammy over to him and notice how small the toddler looks wrapped in his arms. He closes his eyes in an attempt to keep the tears at bay, but when he opens them again, I see the kaleidoscope of blues and greens that I had fallen in love with all those years ago.

“Cordy,” I call into the living room, “come here, please.”

I can hear the padding of Cordy’s feet as she mumbles about it being too early to be up. When she turns the corner, Cordy’s eyes widen, and a broad smile spreads across her face. She runs towards us, ready to jump into his arms.

"Dad!"

A/N 3: I hope you all enjoyed this chapter as much as I did writing it! I did not intend on this chapter on being as long as it is, but, sometimes you can't stop yourself from writing!

Did you love it? Hate it? Please give a reblog or send an ask and let me know what you think of this final chapter!

Elastic Heart Tags @manawhaat   @that-one-gay-girl @awesomesusiebstuff​ @mrswhozeewhatsis @ilovetaquitosmmmm @suckmyapplejacks​ @traceyaudette​ 

Forever Tags: @akshi8278​

[orionsangel86]

Saz, please don't take this the wrong way, I'm not trying to rain on your parade but please please be cautious! I am just like you in that I took a break away from the SPN fandom when I suspected Cas would permadie. I came back after IT happened. I really did for a while convince myself it would all be ok but now I'm not so sure and as someone who struggles with mental health, I can't risk it. You don't have to reply, I just wanted to say this. I truly hope it all goes well in the end :)

Thank you for your message nonny. I think I'm still riding on a high from it all but I do get the concern. Not that long ago I was terrified we wouldn't get a good ending. I do understand people still feeling the way I did. I would never belittle those feelings as they are totally understandable.

My leaving fandom was never because I thought Cas wasn't gonna be in 20. It was confirmed to me back in like February that he would be in 20, so I've never doubted that. It’s interesting that they are being all smoke and mirrors about that info now because Misha confirmed in a M&G at the start of the year that he was back in 20 so no matter how much he backtracks, that will remain the truth. My issue was that they wouldn't treat him well, or that after his death in 18 we'd only see him as a flashback, or that he would be dismissed as an irrelevant side character.

For my own part by confirming Destiel all that is changed. There is still a slight fear if I am totally honest with myself that it will be unrequited and Dean won’t textually confirm his love - but this fear goes against EVERYTHING. It goes against EVERYTHING Supernatural has been building on for Dean’s own journey, completely separate to the journey Cas has been on. So I have to cling on to that.

If it doesn’t go the way we want, if Cas doesn’t come back and Misha’s appearance in 20 is some weird plot point unrelated to Destiel, then I will indeed be horrified, angry, upset, and probably react to Supernatural the way I reacted to Game of Thrones - by pretending it never existed.

Right now though, I am focusing on the logical path of the story, and the meta that has guided me for all these years which has proved that at least 1 big theory we meta writers had was correct: Castiel is in love with Dean. The other big theory that everything in the show has been pointing towards since day 1, is that Dean is bisexual, and returns Cas’s love. Right now we have been validated on one point, I don’t see any reason why we won’t be validated on the second.

I will say this though, if anyone comes across my posts now, and thinks I am being smug or obnoxious, or criticising people for being negative, I do want to be clear on something - I am well aware that I became negative and left fandom spaces to try to supress my love for the show as a defence mechanism, I’ve been doing it all year. I do not judge anyone who still feels now the way I did then. At all. Even though the canon Destiel confirmation has reignited my love for the show and my faith in its ending, I can understand the aprehension and lack of trust. I also hope that those people wouldn’t see my positive posts as an attack on them because honestly? They are more a coping mechanism for me. Each and every post I have written and reblogged since Destiel went canon has helped steer me back on the path to positivity. It’s just something I needed for myself.

The only people I suppose I am angry with, and judging harshly, are those who aren’t fans at all, and who want to spout their opinions having never watched the show or knowing very little about it. Those people I have zero time for and I am absolutely not apologising for any offence I may have caused them.

I am still being cautious. I am celebrating the victory that we meta writers were right. The validation of being right has been fantastic. That doesn’t mean I’m NOT still nervous and anxious about how it will all end. I will keep guarding my heart  until I know the outcome. I’m not watching season 15 anyway. As much as I am celebrating, I haven’t watched 15x18, and I won’t watch a single episode of SPN until I am reassured that it ends the way we need it to.

[aboveallarescuer]

If you support the theory that Dany burns KL with no pushback or overfocus on Dany's "many flaws", you're part of the problem.

I wasn't going to write this post, but I was told to get fucked after this, so now I will.

As I hopefully showed here, the theory that Dany burns King's Landing, regardless of whether she willingly does it or not, has lots of negative implications. It makes it seem that she “doesn’t think far enough ahead” when she is actually pretty smart and thoughtful. It makes Dany largely defined by the violence she uses for being a she-king (and making decisions about warfare usually made by men) and a revolutionary (which puts her in a situation where she couldn't not use violence). It's a misogynistic theory no matter how you put it - it's rotten at its core. It's even worse because then Dany dies saving the world and is reduced to being a dragonrider while women who obey gender norms and the men around her stay to rebuild the world in its "peaceful" times. I'm not saying that a character like Sansa is worthless, definitely not! But to talk about Sansa as if she were the only "embodiment of hope" for the future? And then overfocus on Dany's flaws?

If you are a fan of Dany and is spouting this theory, at least do so with pushback. But many Dany fans don't do that. They think it's okay because ~everyone will be darker~. As if anyone else would become complicit in mass murder.

These Dany fans need to be called out as part of the problem. Antis who say that Dany is a "monster" exist partly because of the theory that Dany burns King's Landing and dared too much.

I also need to address how the Sansa appreciation after she was raped in seasons five and six and the way Robert's Rebellion was presented in season seven factor into the hate that Dany receives.

Do you remember the scene where show!Sansa is forced to confront the old lady killed by Ramsay? Many Sansa fans said that it was a step back from Sansa's character development. When she was with Joffrey, she ~didn't cry~ seeing Ned's head, they said. She ~confronted him~ and ~was courteous~. As if victims should be expected to have consistent reactions.

That's victim blaming and everyone accepted it. 

That's how book!Sansa became idealized. Everyone, including myself and Dany, is weaker compared to her.

The problem with show!Sansa is that they portrayed her rape as if that was her choice and as if that made her ~empowered~. That's it. Her reactions have nothing to do with it.

But Sansa fans are hellbent on portraying Dany as made for war and Sansa as made for peace. Look at this book!Dany blog's header:

And the post that this book!Dany's blog reblogged:

As if "sacker of cities" could be decontextualized like that. The sack of Astapor and what happened in KL in 8x5 are exactly the same thing, amirite?

And this Dany source blog is is ran by a Sansa fan.

Fans who support the theory that Dany burns KL with no pushback or overfocus on Dany's "many flaws" are part of the problem.

Or think about Robert's Rebellion's depiction at the end of S7. Was it wrong of the show to say that it was a false war because Rhaegar and Lyanna loved each other? Yes. 

But this led to people saying that RR is righteous and that Dany's claim is against the law. It led to people being veeeery critical of Rhaegar and then start accepting Robert more. it led to people defending Elia against Rhaegar and uplifting Robert and then forgetting about Cersei - about how Robert raped Cersei. Rhaegar, for all his flaws, was not as bad as Robert. 

And Rhaegar backlash, of course, led to Dany backlash, which led to the Dany burns King's Landing theory gaining more traction.

And the association of Elia love with Dany hate led to the the "Rhaenys should have been Dany" theory as well.

Also, it's interesting how asking someone to examine if she isn't exaggerating Dany's flaws leads to her telling me to "get fucked".

Fans who support the theory that Dany burns KL with no pushback or overfocus on Dany's "many flaws" are part of the problem.

[snkpolls]

SnK Episode 70 Poll Results (for Anime Only Watchers)

The poll closed with 76 responses. Thank you to everyone who participated!

Please note that these are the results for the Anime Only Watchers’ poll. If you wish to see the results for the Manga Readers’ poll, click here.

Anime only watchers, beware of spoilers if you venture over to the manga readers’ poll results.

--

RATE THE EPISODE 74 responses

Although the response to this week’s episode was still overwhelmingly positive, with 95.9% of responses giving the episode 3 or higher, it was a bit lower in comparison to the previous one. 

Epic

Very amazing a 💯/10✊

I loved it, as always

Gabi episode? NO BUENO.

WHICH OF THE FOLLOWING GABI AND FALCO MOMENTS WAS YOUR FAVORITE? 74 responses

Gabi and Falco’s escapades took up the vast majority of the episode, so we wanted to know which one of them was your favorite. An equal amount of respondents (28.4%) seemed to prefer either the moment wherein Gabi came under attack from that perfidious horse or Kaya remembering Sasha and how she saved her life years ago. Closely behind those (25.7%) are the folks preferring the argument between Gabi and Kaya. Another semi-popular option was the scene wherein Kaya showed Gabi and Falco her former village.

WHICH OF THE FOLLOWING MOMENTS FOCUSING ON OTHER CHARACTERS WAS YOUR FAVORITE? 73 responses

We also had a fair bit of scenes focused on characters besides Gabi and Falco. For this question, there was a rather noted diversity in opinions. 24.7% seemed privy to seeing a recurrence of Mikasa’s headache and the flashback to Eren’s killing of the traffickers. 15.1% were most interested in seeing Hange remember Sannes’ warning about the cycle. An equal number of responses (13.7%) were most interested in either seeing the discussion between Magath and the rest of the Warriors on their further actions or seeing Hange confront Floch and the rest of the recruits about their recent actions in regards to Eren. Finally, 11% said that their favorite moment was either seeing the conversation between Mikasa and Louise or the conversation between the warriors and shirtless Reiner. A few folks also indicated their enjoyment of the scene wherein Hange was heckled by the civilians or the conversation between Pixis and Yelena.

WHICH FLASHBACK HAD THE MOST EMOTIONAL IMPACT FOR YOU? 73 responses

We’ve had a few small flashbacks in this episode and it seems like the definitive majority (58.9%) enjoyed the flashback about Kaya getting saved by Sasha. 26% were most privy to seeing Mikasa remember Eren killing the kidnappers many years ago and 13.7% enjoyed seeing Hange remember Sannes’ warning. One person liked catching the sight of Mikasa’s actions in Trost.

RATE JEAN’S OUTFIT 73 responses

Jean decided to try out a new style, courtesy of Coco Chanel, the Paradis Collection. Not too many were impressed, however, with only 34.8% giving Jean’s fit a 4 or a 5. 24.7% gave it a 3, the rest gave it a lower score.

WHO WERE YOU MORE EXCITED ABOUT TO SEE SHIRTLESS? 72 responses

It looks like Eren won this round when it comes to the showdown of AoT’s rare fan service scenes with 75%. 

AOT men are immaculate

WOULD YOU LIKE TO HAVE AN EXCUSE TO TALK TO YELENA? 73 responses

Yelena looks to be a rather popular girl, with 53.4% of respondents noting that they would totally appreciate an opportunity to talk to her. 23.3% aren’t sure and 11% really wouldn’t, in contrast. 12.3% simply don’t care.

WHICH NEW DETAIL DID YOU GET MOST EXCITED ABOUT? 72 responses

For this question, we got a rather colorful pie chart. 26.4% of respondents stated that the existence of a flying boat fueled by iceburst stones is the most interesting detail. That was followed by, in order from more interesting to less interesting according to the poll takers, Blouse family’s involvement with Historia’s orphanage, Yelena making contact with Eren beforehand, the girl Sasha saved in Episode 2 of S2 being Kaya’s identity, the confirmation that Louise was the girl Mikasa saved back in Trost and fact that Floch and his co-minded folks leaked information about Eren to the press and the existence of Eren’s “home”.

GABI SPENDS A LOT OF THE EPISODE SPOUTING OUT THE THINGS SHE’S BEEN BRAINWASHED TO BELIEVE, A CONTRAST TO FALCO WHO IS MUCH MORE OPEN-MINDED. THOUGHTS? 72 responses

Gabi shouted out a lot of questionable things in this episode, at various points. We’ve asked how the respondents felt about it. The plurality, 37.5% simply saw it as a rather sad state for her. In contrast, 27.8% were actually annoyed with her for that. 16.7% thought that it might have been, perhaps, a result of her attempting to fool herself. We also received a lot of write-ins.

Gabi's IQ is a bit low or she has been brainwashed harder than others

I think it’s just hard for her to see it any other way because she is so young. She was starting to be shaped like reigner, Annie bertholdt. 

I understand why she acts like that. Doesn't make it any less annoying tho

I feel so bad for her. Marleyan propaganda and indoctrination is one hell of a drug

Gabi sucks and she just is a trash character

She's just a kid trying to deal with a lot of trauma and new contradicting information whilst also having a winning attitude. Her negative feelings toward Eldians is familiar and so constant hatred is just a coping mechanism.

It only makes sense for her to act this way. Falco and Colt had to join the warriors unit to redeem their uncle’s crimes as part of the restorationists. Gabi has been praised and fed false propaganda her whole life, so yes she would have a harder time rejecting her race’s past history. Children are easier to manipulate/brainwash than adults.

I think she’s clinging to what she knew because she had based her whole identity and goals in life off of these facts. Admitting that these things might not be true would be like denying who she is?? Y’know 

Immovable object (my hatred for Gabi because I find her annoying and she killed Sasha) vs unstoppable force (me recognizing she is a child in a traumatic situation who has been brainwashed and raised to believe she must atone for things she is not actually responsible for)

A bit annoying, but I'm hopeful that she will slowly change her mind. Maybe due to realizing Sasha was actually a good person through Kaya/seeing she's no different from them?

HOW DO YOU THINK GABI’S BELIEFS WOULD HAVE DEVELOPED HAD SHE BEEN THE ONE TO MEET EREN INSTEAD OF FALCO? 73 responses

An interesting what-if comes about when thinking about Gabi possibly meeting Eren instead of Falco all those weeks ago and how that would have impacted her personal beliefs. A slight majority (50.7%) believe it wouldn’t have changed much, if at all as a result of that possible meeting. 20.5% think that Gabi would have taken somewhat of a middle-ground position when taking her current and Falco’s current beliefs into account. 17.8% can’t really say for sure and 8.2% don’t seem to care. Only a few believe that Gabi would have started to feeling differently back then.

GABI SEEMS TO BE GENUINELY SCARED WHEN INITIALLY EATING AT THE BLOUSE’S HOME. ON A SCALE OF 1-5, HOW BADLY DID YOU FEEL FOR HER? 73 responses

It doesn’t appear that Gabi has garnered that much sympathy for her near breakdown, with 49.3% noting that they really didn’t feel much, if any, sympathy for Gabi. In contrast, 50.6% said that they felt some noted degree of sympathy, mostly on a moderate scale. 

It makes me sick to my stomach seeing Sasha's family just treating Gabi so nicely. I know they don't know she's Sasha's killer but I'd really like to see them go horror-flick on her ass and kill her when they learn the truth

THERE SEEMS TO BE A CLASHING OF IDEOLOGIES BETWEEN HANGE AND FLOCH REGARDING WHAT’S BEST FOR THE ISLAND. WHO WOULD YOU SIDE WITH IN THIS SITUATION? 72 responses

Floch states that Eren ensured Paradis a path to survival via the ability to initiate the rumbling, while Hange shows skepticism that the rumbling is even a probable solution to their problems, feeling they should secure their freedom in other ways. 52.8% seem to feel the same way that Hange does, while only 27.8% would take Floch’s side in this differing of views. 12.5% think neither of them are wholly correct and feel there are other options. 

Both should co-operate 

Fuck ever agreeing with Floch. Who is he to even question their authority. Sit back buddy, relax, have a breather. You only became a main character this season, nothing bads gonna happen if wittle baby ewen is in jail for COMMITING WARCRIMES and forcing his superiors to cater to him. That's lit-rally how the army works. 

I want to say I side with floch, but I don’t trust eren. 

I don’t know for sure

I think they're both right in their own way. 

dont like floch lol

Wish Gabi would've shot Floch instead of Sasha :/

REGARDLESS OF YOUR ANSWER IN THE PREVIOUS QUESTION, DO YOU THINK EREN DESERVED TO BE JAILED? 73 responses

Nearly 55% of respondents feel that Eren absolutely deserved to be jailed for his actions in Marley, regardless of how they answered the previous question. Only 35.6% feel that he was wrongfully locked up.

Jailing him is just tradition at this point 

idk

Yeah. You fuck up and you do the time. If you want to make decisions and live 'freely', don't become a soldier. Simple???

Eren did some war crimes, time to sit in the time-out box 

He definitely needs to be observed and perhaps questioned, but not jailed. I thought that wasn't really a great move. 

I don't know

How many times has Eren been in jail now? He's obviously not gonna be staying there for long

Reprimanded a little bit for not trusting his team, but didn't deserve jail

DO YOU THINK HANGE IS FALLING INTO THE CYCLE THAT SANNES WARNED THEM ABOUT? 71 responses

Hange remembers Sannes’ words about how someone always steps into the role he once played prior to the Uprising Arc. 67.6% feel that Hange, whether intentional or not, is falling into the cycle that Sannes and his comrades perpetuated for years before them. 19.7% feel the opposite, however, and believe that Hange wouldn’t let things get that bad. 

I don’t know why I can’t remember who sannes is rn. 

yes but i feel like she will realize this and try to change 

I can’t say yet

Yes, to a degree but this doesn't mean they've past the point of no return. Everything the previous government did could have started with good intentions similar to Hange now but those intentions eventually morphed and corrupted. 

i dunno

Maybe i'm not sure only time will tell

I think that can't be said for sure until we see how she acts/responds to this realization

Maybe

LOUISE SEEMS TO ADMIRE MIKASA TO THE POINT OF OBSESSION, BUT HOW DO YOU THINK MIKASA FEELS ABOUT HER? 73 responses

Half of respondents feel that Mikasa’s demeanor toward Louise stems from her feeling as though she can relate to the girl in some way. The remainder of responses were rather mixed, with 15.1% feeling that Mikasa simply feels sorry for her, and at a tie for 11%, either feel that she finds Louise annoying or is just generally indifferent toward her.

WHAT DO YOU THINK SEEMS TO BE THE TRIGGER FOR MIKASA’S SUDDEN HEADACHES? 73 responses

Mikasa’s headaches, while they don’t get much of a focus, tend to happen infrequently throughout the series. Though, her headache in episode 70 appears to be a bit more traumatic for her than ones we have seen in the past. 27.4% feel that these headaches are likely related to her Ackerman biology, while 20.5% think that it can be explained as simply PTSD. 15.1% think that it’s her “Eren sense,” so to speak. Small handfuls feel it’s something more related to Paths/The Coordinate, or a mixture of her Ackerman and Asian biology. 21.9% still aren’t really sure what to make of these. Will Isayama give us answers?!

the wine has to have something to do with it????

It's those damn ~PATHS~

HOW DID YOU FEEL WHEN THE HORSE BIT GABI? 72 responses

The horse gets the gold start this week for giving Gabi a little bit of karmic justice. 65.3% appeared to enjoy the little misfortune Gabi had to endure thanks to the horse’s shenanigans. 19.4% agree that this was surely the work of devils! And 15.3% felt genuinely bad for Gabi during this moment. 

Horse !!!!!!

Wish that horse would have bit Garbage's head off xD

Horse got some revenge for Sasha! Here's hoping someone ot something else will finish her off permanently!

*falco voice* GAAAAAABIIIIII

Thank you Horse-kun!

WE ASKED THIS A FEW WEEKS AGO, BUT WE WILL ASK YOU AGAIN. WILL GABI CHANGE HER VIEWS ABOUT THE PEOPLE ON PARADIS? 73 responses

56.2% of respondents feel confident that Gabi’s views of Paradis will change by the conclusion of her character arc. 12.3% are still adamant that nothing will be able to sway her views. The remainder continue to be uncertain. 

I hope gabi changes her views. But she seems pretty set 

I don't honestly know if Gabi will change her views, but killing Sasha was enough to make me ALWAYS hate her no matter what kind of development she may get

Will Gabi change? I don't know but I don't care. Nothing will undo her killing Sasha.

DO YOU THINK GABI AND FALCO WILL BE ABLE TO GET HELP FROM NICOLO? 73 responses

Kaya mentions that they will be eating at a Marleyan’s restaurant and believes that said Marleyan (Nicolo) will be able to help Gabi and Falco figure out a way to return home to Marley. Nearly half of the fandom feel that they won’t be successful in getting any help from Nicolo, while only 13.7% think that he will be able to do something for them. 31.5% didn’t want to make a call either way.

REINER IS DETERMINED TO GET TO PARADIS AS SOON AS POSSIBLE TO SAVE GABI AND FALCO. DO YOU THINK THE WARRIORS WILL BE SUCCESSFUL IN RETRIEVING THEM? 72 responses

Over half of the fandom (65.3%) doesn’t have much faith in the Warriors to successfully retrieve Gabi and Falco. 20.8% feel the opposite, however, and think that their urgency is warranted. Will they get to Gabi and Falco in time?!

epic laina

WHICH QUESTION INTRODUCED IN THE EPISODE ARE YOU MOST LOOKING FORWARD TO BEING ANSWERED? 73 responses

With every AoT episode, we get as many questions as we do answers. This episode is not an exception. Majority of the respondents (53.4%) are interested in getting answers for all of them (What did Yelana talk to Eren about, what is up with Mikasa’s headaches, what is Hange going to investigate and why is Shiganshina being evacuated?). Out of the all of those, the Yelena-Eren convo is the most popular one.

ADDITIONAL THOUGHTS ON THE EPISODE?

Gabi sucks so hard, she should be much more harshly punished for killing Sasha

The scenery was beautiful!! I'm hoping we get some action soon tho

MAPPA created some beautiful imagery this episode, like the scene with Falco and Gabi at the lake so was gorgeous! Also I wanna honk Reiner's tiddies

babies, my babies. 

Gabi sucks

Doesn't really stand out, but I much preferred the pacing of this episode to the last two. I better see some damn rumbling next ep, we're getting straight edged rn with that ice plane.  I absolutely FUCKED with seeing Louise do the little salute, brought back memories of simpler times.

Gabi is garbage

I loved the episode! Beautiful callbacks to so many previous set-up/storylines. It made me reminisce a bunch. I also hope for a bit of catharsis regarding Sasha's death by the hands of Gabi. Hopefully something will click and Gabi will realize that she may be wrong in her beliefs after realizing the person she killed (Sasha) is savior Kaya had described to her. While I don't hate Gabi, I also wouldn't mind a bit of karma going her way either. 

I think this is definitely one of my favorites so far. There's a lot of interesting new pieces of info, and I'm excited to see how this stuff resolves in the end.

I hate Gabi even more

I hate Gabi SO much

WHERE DO YOU PRIMARILY DISCUSS THE SERIES? 73 responses

Thank you again to everyone who participated!

[xsvcrilege]

❝ plenty humans are monstrous, & plenty monsters knows how to play at being human . ❞

   𝑐𝘩𝑎𝑟𝑎𝑐𝑡𝑒𝑟⧸𝑓𝑖𝑙𝑒 :  elena michaels   »   gifted human   »   danielle campbell  .

❛❛   aesthetic.  ❜❜   ―   ◜   ❏  . ―  the   first   snowfall   spouting   layers   of   ivory   ,   lazy   mornings   curled   up   in   black   silk   sheets   with   messy   curls   and   lacy   lingerie   ,   blood   -   laced   rose   water . ―  triggers : abuse tw , death tw , blood tw . 

🇦​🇵​🇵​🇱​🇮​🇨​🇦​🇹​🇮​🇴​🇳 »

―   ◜   ❏  . ―  * ⠀ &.  danielle campbell : cis female : she/her :  playground by bea miller  —  it seems  elena michaels has been seen walking around volterra. the 25 -year-old gifted human has been in the city for 5 days of time working as a writer / freelance artist .   ―  *

🇧​🇦​🇸​🇮​🇨​🇸 »

full name :  elena michaels .

age :  25 .

date of birth : december 21st .

occupation :  freelance artist / art restorer / writter .

species :  gifted human .

language(s) spoken :  english  ,  french  ,  russian  ,  italian  ,  german .

hair color :  brunette .

eye color : green .

notable scars :   one faint white scar on her upper thigh made by her father . ( click to see scar  )  .

🇮​🇳​🇹​🇪​🇷​🇮​🇴​🇷 ​»

ability :  photo-umbrakinesis  |  user can manipulate lightforce and the darkforce or both light and darkness simultaneously . her emotions playing a key role in her powers .

positive :  fervent  ,  resilient .

negative :  dauntless  ,  curious .

moral alignment :  chaotic neutral .

hogwarts house : slytherpuff .

deadly sin :  lust + pride .

🇫​🇦​🇻​🇴​🇷​🇮​🇹​🇪​🇸​ »

book : edgar allen poe’s works .

movie :  horror .

food :  anything sweet .

flower :  wisteria .

season :  winter .

🇫​🇦​🇲​🇮​🇱​🇾​​ »

father :  mr. michaels ( deceased ) .

mother :  mrs. michaels ( deceased ) .

mate :  angelus .

🇧​​🇮🇴​​ »

—  elena was born on December 21st . Her mother dying during childbirth left her daughter in the care of her father . A religious drunk who didn’t really paid attention to his own daughter and if he did, it was never good .

—   ever since she was born, her father knew she was different . Strange even . elena’s gifts showed from a young age . (  mostly is manifested completely when she was 5 ) a shadow always behind the brunette, a darkness, to which her father believed her to have been born evil , despite how bright and kind she was .

—   neighbors never minded the girl and often times would worry about her .  seeing her with bruises and cuts to which her father would excuse it for her falling  (  as she often did  )  . but it was never the case .

— it was when she was eight years old during when her father decided to take them on a family vacation . he had been acting nice and wasn’t hitting her as often as he did . perhaps he was turning his life around and trying to be a better father . It wasn’t so much to ask for and elena only hoped it stuck .

—   bringing them to a cabin and into the woods , elena was excited .  she loved the outdoors and for the next two days everything was going fine .  though there were moments with her on her own , but it was nothing new to her .  the third day , however , would be a night that would make her carry the scar that would only remind her that he never loved her .

— scared , elena screamed only for him to remind her no one is around and other cabins were too far for anyone to hear her . hiding after her father tried to stab her but slashed her thigh when she was running up the stairs .

—    unfortunately for her father , her screams  (  which cased all light to explode  ) were heard by a vampire who fed off the people who were staying in the cabin miles away . while searching for her , the vampire had come in the cabin moments after elena had used her powers to push her father back injuring him enough for the vampire to capture him . elena watched as the vampire ended her father’s life before they turned to her . noticing a darkness surrounding her as if protecting her . calming her down and tending to her wounds , the vampire took her .

—   elena grew up travelling about the world with them . being raised by a vampire had little to no rules . coming home to a dead body after ballet recitals at time was suppose to scare any human being but elena now regarded it as normal . fully aware she was human but never the less they treated her as their own .

—   moving a lot from school to school elena graduated top of her class although she didn’t go to college went straight into working as an art restorer under the guidance of the vampire who adopted her .

—   coming to forks because it’s what the coven decided to do about a month ago  .

—    elena pretty much does whatever the hell she wants. Despite being a little strange, she is generally a very passionate and gentle person who is quite independent. A little childish at times though elena isn’t shy and she doesn’t hesitate to voice out what she thinks. Because she was raised by vampires who drink only human blood, and watched doing so her morals are highly questionable  .

—   the vampire who takes care of her keeps her a secret other than those they trusts because humans aren’t suppose to know but she’s a gifted human so makes her rare  . her family coming to volterra they knew it was dangerous but refusing an invite from the volturi ? deadly .

[takaraphoenix]

So I just finished the third season of The Bold Type and oh boy did they drop the ball in this one. I... really enjoyed this show until now but this season was just so intensely exhausting and honestly cringey.

The only good storyline was Jane’s. Her finally dumping that cheating piece of garbage. The way they handled her surgery and recovery and the struggle she had. It was incredibly emotional and well-paced and I genuinely loved the way they handled it.

-

But everything else was... pretty much garbage, in my opinion?

-

I mean, Sutton? Sutton and Richard, getting married, after being in a relationship for what, five years? And... they never actually talked about their future? They never talked about having kids? I hate this dumbassery of “let’s get married but like we never actually talked about how we imagine our future” and the way they handled that, with how Richard behaved? How he placed all the blame on Sutton? What in the world was that? She put her life on hold for him, repeatedly. It wasn’t because of her job that you guys hid your relationship for so long, it was yours. And when you decided to go to San Francisco for a job, she was just 100% behind you.

But now she’s deceiving you because... she... doesn’t read minds, or what? Saying “I want something like they have” is the broadest, least specific bullshit. Something, what? Their career, their marriage, their house? That does not specify that you want children. Saying “I definitely want children” is how you specify that you want children. To only blame her for not telling him that she didn’t want kids...? When two people are in this relationship and neither of them actually spoke up about their wants and needs here? That is equally both their fault.

Not to mention his... his reaction. Just, his reaction to everything.

When, only two months after the miscarriage, she wanted to have sex again and he just immediately goes “so x position is better for conception”, that was just... incredibly insensitive. I don’t know about anyone else but me, but... two weeks after losing a baby to already try again seems incredibly early and to overrun her like that instead of first, in a quieter moment, address the issue? Not to mention that this was an unplanned pregnancy and she just started a new, busy job so it really wasn’t a good fit time-wise.

His reaction to when she told him she didn’t want babies? The throwing and trashing stuff? It just will never sit right with me when men express their anger/frustration by smashing and destroying things right next to the woman. It is purposefully intimidating and reads far too close as a ‘replacement’, which also is always intensified by the woman jumping away instinctively, as Sutton did. Not... Not a great move. Really creepy.

And then they just... end it. Just like that. After this entire show had their will they won’t they build up to them getting married, it all falls apart like that, so unceremoneously and Sutton goes onto a completely self-destructive tour of discovering that she is, after all, no better than her mother, putting her somehow even below square one.

-

The worst offender however is whatever the fuck this show did to Kat. And to Adena. But let’s start with Adena.

Adena, an out and proud lesbian, a Muslim, a woman of color, a feminist. And now... a biphobe, apparently? Wow, that’s just such a great look on her.

It’s incredibly OoC for Adena. This woman, who met Kat when Kat was still thinking she was straight, who supported Kat through her self-discovery. And while Kat used “lesbian” as a self-identifying label twice in previous seasons, she always more leaned toward “queer” to label herself.

So to now have Adena, whose entire character was always about lending women a voice and standing up for them, who always supported Kat, who met Kat when Kat was still very much busy sleeping with men, now act biphobic when Kat comes out as bisexual...? It just... It really fucked Adena over.

Especially the garbage she was spouting. That if Kat now liked men, did that make Adena “just a phase” and were her feelings for Adena “even real”? That is just the most bottom of the barrel biphobic talk, this felt like someone just did one quick google search on biphobia and crammed them together and made Adena say that. It... just didn’t feel authentic for Adena, after how she had been represented so far and how she had acted and handled Kat’s journey of self-descovery.

I understand that they really wanted Kat to face biphobia and I genuinely did love the bonding moment that gave Kat and Oliver, but there was absolutely no need to throw Adena under the bus like this. They could have literally gone to that stupid lesbian-exclusive party and just have... have some random unnamed character act biphobic?

Considering this wasn’t even meant as a lasting plotline that’d be pulled through as a proper arc, because two episodes later, Adena suddenly got over her biphobia. Which is just another thing that makes it more ridiculous, because a woman like Adena, who is deeply involved with the community and who is strongly opinionated, would - if she really was biphobic - not just change her stance on that in like two weeks just because...?

It really showed that they used Adena not as a character but as a plot-tool for Kat’s plotline and it did Adena such a disservice - especially since she is one of your four (4) queer characters and she is your only lesbian.

Don’t validate negative stereotypes like prickly lesbians who only date Gold Star Lesbians because otherwise the lesbian feelings between them just aren’t lesbian enough and like how would she know they’re real if her partner isn’t also a lesbian?

And yes. Yes, I am well-aware we have a huge problem of biphobia within the community. I am well-aware that these type of lesbians exist. But, as mentioned above, they could have taken a minor character only introduced for this plotline to deliver this biphobia, instead of throwing their only lesbian character under the bus like this.

Adena is such a brilliant character and she is... so much representation? I mean, she is one of only four queer characters, of only two queer women, she is the only lesbian, she is the only Muslima, she is one of the only two women of color in the recurring/main cast. I genuinely don’t understand how you can look at a character like that and go “ah yes, let’s just temporarily antagonize her for another character’s plotline, which goes entirely against her own characterization so we will actually also totally backtrack on it after all is said and done”, because it’s... I don’t think there’s a real word for what this is, but it’s bullshit, to say the least.

-

Now about Kat. Who finally figured herself out this season. And then just immediately had to deal with the biphobia, but not for too long because that’d be too distracting, we have too much to do in throwing her character under the bus too, after all.

I mean seriously, Kat’s a biracial bisexual liberal woman, who had an entire season-long plot about being a liberal woman trying to carve a space for herself, for her community, against bigotry. Both, her being biracial and her being bisexual, has always torn her and made her not fit quite in and made her look for her place to belong and she fought hard for it.

So the natural progression for her character truly is to make her date a... I really do not want to type these words together, to be quite frank... but a Republican lesbian. And not just... be with her, but “come around” to her viewpoint. It was essentially throwing out the long-suffering plotlines of Kat fighting hard for her spot in favor of now being downgraded to a bar-tender who is fascinated by the Republican POV on life.

They really used Kat to antagonize liberals as sensitive snowflakes and show that “Republicans can be serious and have good points too!”. They turned Kat into a... clumsy oaf, at best, the way she handled herself around the politics this season? After she literally ran for office before, trying to become a politician herself? But now she is swayed or fascinated or whatever for “the other view-point”?

And just the timing, to have a “Republicans aren’t that bad!” angle in your show while Republicans are literally busy running your country into the ground? Ya really thought this was a great angle to work with? And for her, of all characters?

It made... absolutely no sense with how Kat had been portrayed so far to have her enthralled by this bullshit spouting Republican, because “different views are important and can be insightful”...

There are angles where, from a storytelling POV, you can introduce various views and make it very interesting to watch, but if your way of introducing this other view is literally by her defending her homophobic father who wants to help pass a bill on conversion therapy, I’m sorry there is absolutely no listening to that.

And that’s not being emotional. This is directly about the lives of human beings. There is no discussing that, there are no other opinions on the matter of whether or not children should be tortured into being straight.

And having her, very lacklusterly, say that she personally is against conversion therapy means... it... it means literally nothing if she is not speaking up about it and instead wants to bury evidence about her father supporting it and has no problems with him supporting it in the first place.

The ““cutesy”“ situation of her threatening to get Kat fired over this, Kat actually getting fired and her then accidentally getting Kat fired from her next job, just to graciously help her keep her job after all like some White Republican Savior was... very cringey to watch, but so was honestly every single interaction between them, based on the juxtaposition of those characters.

I’m sorry, as a lesbian, I have intensely strong feelings about how they utilized lesbian characters for bullshit agendas this season. First Adena for the biphobia angle and then writing a Republican lesbian in there to like... sell Republicans?

I just... genuinely can not grasp what that storyline even was, because it honestly just felt like Republican propaganda? And yes, propaganda. Because it undermined the already established liberal character that Kat had been, made her not entirely turn toward being Republican but suddenly be oh-so open minded about the views (after this plotline was literally introduced through, and I will say it again, conversion therapy. I mean seriously, you could have a liberal and a Republican have conversations with each other and “see each other’s points of view”, but you absolutely can not have that after introducing the plotline through one of the most horrific things that can happen to our community). They portrayed Eva as the understanding, calm, rational, charming party in this and made Kat the overly angry, emotional and downright doe-eyed one who learned so much from Eva, while not having Kat teach Eva anything. This was never portrayed as a mutual seeing each other’s viewpoints; Kat was the only one who changed over this storyline. And that is what made this not feel like an “equal opportunity POV exchange” storyline but like propaganda.

-

My very last critique point is the oversexualization of absolutely everything. I mean, yes, this show has always been very sex-positive and about women embracing their sexuality and I absolutely support this message. But... this season went... beyond that? It wasn’t just sex-positive it was downright negative on no sex. The utter despair for sex and linking it with success?

The plotline of how Jacqueline wanted to show women in “power” through fashion, but it was all about owning their sexuality and the first pitch immediately included lingerie. And worse yet, that thing where Ryan and Jane were not having sex.

The freaking intervention. Because... she was having a genuinely good time just having spa-days with her boyfriend instead of fucking like rabbits every hour of the day? That they literally put an intervention together there. That not having sex is oh-so bad, even though honestly, until that intervention, Jane did not look unhappy.

I just think that a show that praises itself on its queer viewpoints and puts the queerness so very front and center needs to step up their game and start including an asexual viewpoint. Both, in the show and in the magazine itself because everything they write and do comes back to sex and it’s starting to get really, truly tiresome.

Sex-positivity doesn’t have to mean that you reinforce that to be a strong, independent woman you have to have sex and that a relationship is only successful if they have lots of sex.

[justjimedits]

Got to love AO3 where writers let readers comment only to rip into them when they do. To call them names, manipulate their feelings and treat them like trash. Not to mention hint at possibly pushing the writer to harm herself. Please be careful when interacting with this writer, don’t leave her constructive criticism since she’ll lash out badly. I’ve never had somebody react like that. https://archiveofourown.org/users/User24601/pseuds/User24601 The exchange: JustJim Writes: Something about this story felt off, Derek was too out if character for me, and the twins wouldn't keep silent like this. Of course the setting was very uncomfortable but there was a lack of personal detailing, as if the writer was doing an essay. It wasn't until I've read the original story that I realized this was a simple copy and paste with the changing of names and it all made sense.Just changing the names doesn't mean you can apply the story to another fandom, it simply doesn't fit. There's such a thing as different personalities, and this is lazy writing. For example, werewolves can't be drugged. Only way to weaken them is with wolfsbane or high current electricity. It would hamper their healing so he wouldn't be able to heal like you made him. Derek has been raped in the show by a female, he'd be way more stoic about it. And he wouldn'tbeg, he'ddemand. Writer’s response: Greetings TROLL!!!! Wow! I must have really pissed you off for you to come lumbering out of the chasm of a hole you call a home in order to tell me off. You got so mad you even edited your initial comment.LOL!What joy it brings me to get this sort of comment from one of the internet's designated hobgoblins. I wonder, how it is that a person, who by all indications is NOT a writer, feels justified in criticizing the work of someone who actually does put in the time and effort to write and post for their readers? And for you to criticize FAN FICTION means you are a self-appointed gatekeeper! Congratulations! Your parents must be so PROUD!Here's a pro-tip for you, READ THE INTRODUCTORY NOTES! If you had *bothered* reading the notes, you would've quickly realized that not only is this work an adaptation of a prior work but you would've realized this was A GIFT. And, as gifts go, this was a customized story for a friend. This was not a "copy and paste" job as so many of the details have been altered and customized. There is additional content in this story and content from the other that has been removed. But if you don't like this retelling, then I suggest you take it up with Double_Dare_Dog as it was him I wrote this for and consulted with at length. He picked the twins out as the perpetrators, not me. I just kept them silent as silence is a major factor in this story. Silence is used as a weapon. Not that your troll brain can process such a concept.Now, I'll admit, I don't give a rat's ass about canon. Would you like to know why? Because I've done my research. This show's "writers" can't keep canon straight and it SHOWS! If they don't care about the canon, why should I? (Also, this is fan fiction... a genre typically known for being non-canon-compliant. Did you see any "canon-compliant" tags in the additional tags section? No? Then why would you think this was canon compliant?)One last thing, TROLL, before I send you off to that desolate and filthy hole in which you live, there are only three types of people whose opinion I actually value and have an obligation to which to listen: someone who is financing me, feeding me, or fucking me. Guess what, you neanderthal mouth-breather, you are DEFINITELY none of those things. And you certainly aren't my friend. So why don't you fuck off because I certainly don't want to fuck with you a second longer (and given the amount of negativity you give off, there is probably no one else in this world that wants to get any where near your disgusting genitals.)Have a LOVELY DAY! JustJim Replies:I didn't realize that editing a comment was not allowed on here, I'm sorry for the inconvenience of bothering to make it less of a rant.And just because my profile is new, doesn't mean I'm not a writer, you don't know me, I don't know you, you make all kinds of assumptions in your hostile reply back. Which is fine, you do you. But I hope you realize that you've put your writing for all to read and comment, if you didn't want that, then maybe make it visible only for the one you gifted it to. Or disable comments. I won't make the mistake again to put any of my feelings down when reading something since clearly that makes me a troll. I'm not going to get into the rest of it, you made it personal, I'm choosing not to. Writer’s response: Hello TROLL! So you have returned, you cantankerous hag! Looks like my friends were right about you. You're a glutton for punishment. You like the attention, and trust me, you're getting a lot of it since I've been keeping my followers updated on your remarks. They are enjoying this exchange as much as I am.You are exactly right, you don't know who is at the other end of a screen. So you had no way of knowing that my Grandmother died the same day you posted your trolling and gatekeeping review of my work. Not that you care, you disgusting gutter-snipe, but had I been the type of person that was easily influenced by the unkind remarks of others, your comment could've been a catalyst resulting in unfortunate consequences. Your selfish comments were clear in their intent. You want me to delete my work or stop writing altogether. What a truly asshat way of conducting yourself on the internet.I find it HILARIOUS that you say "you do you" and yet you were the one that came here and spouting off drivel about canon and my writing style. I did not force you to read my story, nor did I force you to leave a comment. Those were all choices you made. You have only yourself to blame for getting your precious feelings hurt. You don't want to make this personal, though, right? Because calling someone's work "lazy writing" isn't personal???? Call me a lazy writer and I'll call you whatever I want to, you ogre-ous harpy.As for disabling comments??? Pshh, as if! Why? I can hold my own just fine against ignorant and foolish twatwaffles. And if you haven't noticed, I write TORTURE PORN. That means I am one of two things: a sadist or a masochist. Guess which one I am? Guess how much fun I am having ripping into you right now? Also, I am THRILLED that you keep upping my stats on this work. Thank you!So next time you decide to come over with your snide and gatekeeping remarks, just remember that I will never back down. I will never kowtow to your asinine writing preferences. If you don't like how I've responded, then I suggest you don't FUCK with me.Wishing you the best this Holiday season *kisses*