#how mean and awful he is and how he contributes nothing of value to the team’’

[atoriv-art]

what are your thoughts on the hyuga siblings and their relationship

OOF now thats one of my favorite naruto dynamics lmao. i think neji and hinata have a very interesting relationship and i say that as someone who really didn't (and tbh still doesn't) love how that relationship developed in canon

i really like the hyuga fight in the chunin exams because the way it's perceived is sooo interesting to me.. neji comes off as an outright bully and i don't even blame the kids for calling him an asshole after all of that, but from reader's perspective it's really obvious that his animosity only exists because of a larger issue...

neji shouldn't treat hinata the way he does, but he does so because of her unique position as a scorned heir. she still benefits from everything that makes his life awful - her life is still valued more than his - but hiashi hates her enough that he won't care if neji dishes out verbal abuse on her. it's an awful dynamic and definitely contributes to hinata's terrible self-worth, but it's a symptom of the life they have been forced into by the man who the manga is intent on letting escape all of the blame for this situation lmao

(hiashi himself can be a really fascinating case honestly. i think he fully means everything he says, which is what makes him so grating but fun to me LOL. his apology to neji is entirely sincere AND it completely misses the point of all of the issues, but neji is young and deprived of acknowledgement enough that he accepts it wholeheartedly. hiashi thinks he's the best uncle of all time.)

hinata herself has so little belief in her own worth that she just sits there and takes whatever abuse people throw at her... i don't actually think neji's anger towards her was a constant - i think some people interpret it that way - rather i feel like it was something that came up whenever he was pushed too far. in more normal circumstances where he's not being made to fight her directly, he was likely more detached than anything. he wanted nothing to do with her.

in one of the filler mini arcs ive mentioned before (i think. the one that focuses on hanabi and hinata) there's a scene that rang very true to me (and im gonna recount this without rewatching it atm so sorry if i get details wrong,): neji was being made to train with hinata, asked to be allowed to leave because he felt his time was being wasted and correctly noted that it doesn't have to be him here, was told no by hiashi and then he started getting vicious and violent. towards hinata, of course, not hiashi. he then got horribly punished for it LOL i think that's the general dynamic they were living in, neji reaches a limit of disrespect that he can take and explodes on the nearest most acceptable target (we loove a boy with no emotional regulation <3), goes too far and suffers the consequence of it while nothing else changes. to him interacting with hinata at all is just asking for pain, either emotional or straight up physical

But, for hinata, she saw herself and neji as similar (the black sheep of the family i suppose), and would have liked to bond over that fact; theyve known each other since they were very little and she outright refers to him as a brother. it's clear to me she's always cared a lot about neji and imo feels responsible for what happened to his father (something that hiashi doesn't help with. Dad of the year), so she saw their match in the exams as a chance to close the distance between them and get neji to see her as a person, an equal instead of a symbol to lash out on.

but, you know, she was 12 LMAO so she ended up pressing all of his buttons instead and it led to his famous outburst, which led to the famous moment of Every Single Jonin (other than asuma.) coming to stop him and further cementing his belief that her life is seen as special. i think (and this is a mix of Shit I Made up, and Me trying to make sense of the manga's insane mishandling of their plotline) that despite her trying her hardest to reach neji she didn't really grasp the horror of his situation. that's the tragedy of neji's life really LMAO, no one really tries to grapple with the severity of what having that curse mark does to a person. she thought of his fatalism as more of a psychological, metaphorical way of dealing with hurt and not like... "my life literally does not belong to me no matter how much i try to fight it"

this is loooooong take this readmore.

i think hiashi-hizashi were hoping that the cousins could have had a better relationship than they did... letting them hang out often and stuff, introducing them early, hizashi not discouraging neji from being friendly with her, to me it all reads as very "ok well this didn't work for Us, but what if it works out for them... even though literally nothing has changed". they were proper family once and hizashi wanted to die for his brother, not his leader, so that just makes sense to me.

i do nautttt like the naruto vs neji fight so to keep the post positive i will gloss over it <3 but hinata and neji's relationship post-chunin exams to me is peak like. God i wish this was done better because it could have been soooo good

neji realizes that his anger is consuming him and adjusts his behavior accordingly, getting a lot of his kindness back, and he becomes intent on fixing his relationship with hinata... i don't hate that premise at all, it's just the way it's executed that bothers me!

the impression i got (and i could be mistaken im in the process of rewatching the anime + rereading the manga) is that their relationship getting better is done exclusively through like. neji repenting for being mean to her. which, don't get me wrong, he SHOULD apologize (AND THAT WOULDVE BEEN A COOL THING TO SEE ONSCREEN, BTW) but you CANNOT divorce his behavior from the hyuga system in general. from the way they act after the exams you would think their issues were born solely from neji being a bully for no reason, and not, like... him lashing out on her because his uncle is literally the devil.

i don't think hinata has the power to change a lot in her clan on short notice (she did get disowned. did that un-happen offscreen? we will never know. Hiashi gets to be a grandfather to her children btw.) but i certainly would have liked to see her standing up for branch members and in the stuff i draw that's the story i have in mind LMAO. like, her gaining a deeper understanding of neji's situation and trying to work against her father trying to make her cousin's life better? i think that would have been really sweet and even show her gaining more confidence in herself and her beliefs. you can still have neji fussing over her and being protective because he feels bad for how they used to be, i actually really like that because neji IS a very sweet person, i just reject the idea that it's his sole Moral Obligation to put everything aside and make things better by the power of I Will Die For You Now, But This Time, For The Right Reasons

as for hanabi i wish she had more screentime soooo bad because i'm obsessed with how she gives off Haunted Child vibes lmfao. talking abt her requires me to expose myself a little bit and have to admit hiashi is kind of a blorbo to me because of how much he sucks ass, but like. Essentially his insane resentment of hinata was born when hizashi died, it doesnt matter it wasn't really her fault, he needed someone to blame and he would never blame himself, at least not outwardly lol. hiashi did genuinely love his brother, it just didn't stop him from being a monster to him, and he is certainly not gonna grapple with that now that he's dead!

(and, you know, the whole "sorry we sent a guy to kidnap an heir. you do need to die for killing him though" thing is really dumb but if we stop at every single stupid thing in naruto we will be here all day.)

with all that being said i think hiashi tries his best to make hanabi everything hinata isn't, and he has very little interest in having her and hinata have any bond at all. he just left neji and hinata to fester in that god-awful dynamic with no supervising, and took hanabi as the best direction for the clan to head towards. but, you know, father of the year is very demanding and doesn't seem to be very fatherly to her at all from the little we see of them. she's just like. a good soldier, and that's what he needs.

i think hanabi growing to resent her sister for the situation she's been put into (if hinata weren't 'weak' she wouldn't have so much responsibility) is very interesting! by the time we meet her i think she's learned that the best thing to do wrt her sister is to just ignore that she exists. as for neji he barely registers as a presence to her; neji has no reason to interact with her and hiashi has no reason to incentivize it. it's very fun to me!

in general i really like all of their dynamics can be used to explore how hurt and trauma drive people apart, i could talk about them for hourssss LMAO i love the suna family for the same reason!

[jennycalendar]

i hate when a good fic hates xander. it ruins the whole thing for me. there is this tiny sliver of a subsection of this fandom who actually gets what’s going on with xander — man is a bisexual monster fucker with daddy issues who cannot handle the fact that he feels he’s not living up to the life the world said he was supposed to. AND GOSH, WHY DOES THAT SOUND FAMILIAR

[lightwise]

TBB S3 E10 Reaction

Life has been a bit busier the last few weeks so I am finally catching up on my episode reactions (I’m determined to do all of them this season!) And I apologize y’all, this episode made me very snarky apparently.

I’ll be honest. When this episode first came out I was nowhere near as surprised by it or horrified by it as reviewers seemed to be. Nothing about Palpatine hunting down force sensitive children as experiments and using Cad Bane to do it is a surprise, and the Vault feels so much like Andor. But even on a rewatch this episode holds up so well and honestly just starts to give a cold chill under the skin as the quiet horror of it sinks in.

- Cute kid. And the Batch nowhere to be seen. This is going to be a different episode isn’t it

- Oh no. He’s force sensitive 😫😫😫 hmmm how could that possibly go wrong

- This is giving Andor vibes 👀

- It’s always interesting seeing “regular people” in Star Wars and little markets and how they’re just trying to go about their daily lives.

- Don’t go around snitching people! Nothing good ever comes of it!!!

- Yeah this guy is worse than Timm from Andor. Wtf dude. You’re turning in a baby!!

- Also is it just me or typical Star Wars “houses” end up being pretty dark and depressing?

- Wait okay okay. So this is the CX chamber. Why can’t we see any of them yet 😩😩 what is this red fog? What are these weird conditioning pods? What kind of armor is on this datapad?? *trying to crawl inside my screen* I NEED ANSWERS JENNIFER!!

- “Do you trust me?” Ooooh why do I think that’s going to come back around

- But also, babygirl, I don’t think you actually know what you’re signing up for

- “I could be more useful” “you wish to be the new chief scientist Dr. Karr?” “I believe I’ve earned it.” Alright. This. This is interesting. This fully encapsulates the dynamic that these two have shared. Emerie knows that Hemlock only values things that are useful, and probably only sees her own value in the light of what she can contribute, due to how she was raised and the circumstances she has been trapped in. Hemlock’s tone of voice implies that he has never considered her as being the new chief scientist, and yet he acquiesces quite quickly, almost as though he’s just too busy to think about it and if it means things are brought back up to production standard then he’s fine with it. His utter disregard for Emerie as an actual human and someone with merit is disgusting though.

- But I get it, the man’s busy, he’s got a lot of evil shit he’s trying to do all at the same time 🙄

- So we have “the assets”, which is the area that Hemlock took Palpatine in the first episodes, where the orange containment pods are and the zillo beast is being kept. We still don’t know what those assets are. The Vault is something different.

- Well. Shit. It’s Andor and Narkina 5 for kids. Lovely 😳💀

- “There are few adults left with such characteristics” I WONDER IN THE NAME OF ONE EMPEROR PALPATINE WHY

- Okay so this entire exchange is awful. The kids are so cute! Hemlock is so cold. “Specimens. Assets” ughhh Emerie what are you getting yourself into!!

- Is this the first time we’ve heard the word glasses in Star Wars?

- Oh no. So THIS is why Cad Bane was brought back 🥺🥺

- The score in this episode is perfectly eerie

- Lol Todo is not good with kids huh 🤣

- That poor mama when she wakes up and finds her baby is gone

- I hope that dude has his entire life flash before his eyes as he’s trying to pick all of those credits up

- “My name’s Eva” 🥹🥹🥹 Emerie has no idea how to handle this 😂

- I still wanna know what’s happened with these commandos. No way a clone of Jango Fett is able to look a child in the eyes, call them a “specimen” and not have even an ounce of remorse as they stun them point blank.

- “Jax?” And Eva just points. The power in knowing someone’s name vs a dehumanizing number

- It’s also interesting that these kids are species that are red, blue, and green, and when they get Bayrn in, he’s white. RGB colors make up white light when put together.

- The little peeks of Emerie’s backstory we keep getting are so interesting. She was abandoned by Nala Se. She knows that these children don’t belong here, the same way that Omega told both her and Crosshair that they didn’t belong here either. Nala Se says that the Empire will hold these kids to control them. Emerie feels like she has no power to do anything differently. So much to unpack here.

- Why is Tarkin’s holo so large?

- Lol I honestly love getting to see the backbiting politics of how the Empire functions. It’s so bad and so funny

- Also love that Project Necromancer is so secret that even Tarkin doesn’t know what it is. He’s so nosy

- Okay why does he bring up the CX schematic again and why is it so different than the one we saw earlier??

- Whoa Cid was tortured???

- “The other operatives aren’t ready to join you in the field” why????

- We’re visiting a lot of space stations this season

- Man I wish Emerie had fudged this test

- Nooo let the poor baby go home 🥺

- Oh and now we’re putting kids in solitary confinement. Great.

- C’mon Emerie. Keep clicking that moral compass until it points north

- She kept the straw Lula. She’s giving it to Eva 😭. There’s hope for her yet

[justicerikai]

Charisma House - Superhuman Sharehouse Story “Charisma” - #19 Fumiya and Iori

Please read alongside listening to the drama track on Youtube.

Iori: Amahiko-saaan~

Amahiko: Ooh.. ueeh? Iori-san!? Are you alright!? You have some horrible dark circles around your eyes!

Iori: It’s nothing to worry about, gimme an order♪ It’s another day for self-sacrifice♪ Contribution♪ Free service♪

Amahiko: But still…

Iori: Ah, you’re drinking coffee. I’ll pour you another cup.

(Iori speeds off and comes back)

Iori: Here you go!

Amahiko: How fast!

Iori: Are you enjoying it?

Amahiko: I haven’t drank yet

Iori: Drink.

(Amahiko takes a sip)

Iori: And?

Amahiko: It’s absolutely delicious, Iori-san. Thank you.

Iori: Yaay~! Is there anything else?

Amahiko: Eeh! No, I can’t…

Iori: Give me orders! Do as you like! Tug on my collar!

Amahiko: Please calm down

Iori: Ah, Saru-chan and Terra-kun! Good timing!

Terra & Sarukawa: Huh?

Iori: I’m telling youuu, there’s no need to worry. I’m seriously fine.

Terra: Really? Even though you don’t look well

Sarukawa: You didn’t sleep did’cha

Iori: It’s okay. Going to bed will only throw my balance off even more. C’mon hurry. Orders, orders

Terra: Hmm, well if you say so, could you go out shopping?

Iori: Of course♡

Amahiko: The bath needs to be cleaned…

Iori: Of course♡

Sarukawa: Wash my shoes

Iori: Of course♡

Terra: You see the toilet is…

Iori: Of course♡

Amahiko: About the entrance…

Iori: Of course♡

Sarukawa: Y’know the roof’s kinda

Iori: Of course♡

Terra: A head spa

Iori: Of course♡

Amahiko: Strip

Iori: Of course♡

Sarukawa: Gimme money

Iori: Sure! I’ll give you lots of it!

PPPPPPPIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII

Rikai: What are you guys doing again! This escalated too much!

Iori: Rikai-kun, I’m fine with it

Rikai: No way! You know you look awful? And I’m sure you haven’t been resting properly either

Rikai: What is the meaning of this! Are you all trying to get Iori killed?

Terra: Well… He said himself that he’s okay with it…

Amahiko: S-so we just…

Iori: R-Rikai-kun… I seriously have no problems with it… So if there’s anything you want me to do then…

Rikai: No. It has been enough of this slave contract and foolish system so we will be abolishing it.

Iori: HAAAAH!? Hold on!

Terra: Iori-kun… I’m so sorry for all I did…

Iori: He apologied! No no no!

Amahiko: I won’t depend on you anymore…

Iori: No way, this is bad! This is going in a bad direction! How did it come to this!?

Sarukawa: Io, my bad.

Iori: EVEN SARU-CHAN!? No way! This is a slave crisis!

Rikai: Now then everyone, we will not be relying on Iori-san by any means now.

Iori: Rikai-kun, aren’t you the one trying to get me killed!?

Rikai: Order is ALL GREEN.

Iori: It’s not green AT ALL! It’s getting dark before my eyes. I need to work! Contribute! Not rest!

Rikai: Go rest up properly

Iori: Nooo waaaaay!

Rikai: Back to your room!

Iori: WAAAAAAHHHHH!!!

(Door opens)

Terra: Ah, Fumiya-kun

Fumiya: Is Iori here?

Iori: Huh? Y-yeah. I’m here.

Fumiya: Sorry to ask but could you clean up my room, I’ll be out for a while

Fumiya: And I’m hungry. Make some food too.

Iori: Fu-Fumiya-san…!

Iori: Yes! I’ll take care of it~!

PPPPPPPIIIIIIIIIIII

Rikai: Wait there, Iori-san. I said it was enough

Iori: Grrrr

Rikai: Fumiya-san, I ask you to refrain from relying on him.

Fumiya: Hm?

Iori: Grrrrrrr

Rikai: We’re working our fellow resident Iori-san to the bone

Fumiya: Aah. Yeah we’re using him

Rikai: It’s no good.

Fumiya: It’s not? Why

Rikai: W-why you ask…

Fumiya: Isn’t it really convenient

Rikai: Convenient!? How could you say that!

Iori: Fumiya-saaaaaan!!!

Rikai: Eh?

Fumiya: He’s got a high utility value

Rikai: UTILITY value!?

Iori: FWUuMIYAa-SHUAaAAN!!

Fumiya: I can take it easy with someone like him around

Rikai: I cannot approve of such a relationship. It’s no good.

Fumiya: No good? Why.

Rikai: It’s unhealthy. Corrupt even

Fumiya: Yeah. But human connections are corrupt to begin with, right

Rikai: Hah?

Fumiya: Everyone forms relationships due there being some kind of benefit or merit to be gained from having associations with one other. Those who cannot offer anything are shut out. Even families do so and it happens all the more with strangers.

Fumiya: Motohashi Iori is convenient for me, his utility value is high, so there’s no doubt that his existence is certainly vital.

Fumiya: If he ever were to lose his utility then this relationship might end up severed.

Fumiya: Well, the same could be said about me.

(Iori sounds happy)

Fumiya: Iori? Food

Iori: Eh! Y-yes!

Amahiko: Rikai-san? Everything alright?

(A loud thud is heard)

Terra, Sarukawa, Amahiko, Rikai: !?

Sarukawa: Io!?

Terra: Wah! He collapsed!

Sarukawa: Io! What happened!

Rikai: Iori-san! Are you alright!?

Terra: Did he die!?

Amahiko: He didn’t

Terra: He’s dead!!???

Amahiko: He isn’t

Iori: Fuwaah….

Terra, Sarukawa, Amahiko, Rikai: Eh?

Iori: Sorry. I don’t know what happened but I suddenly felt drowsy

Terra, Sarukawa, Amahiko, Rikai: Hah?

Sarukawa: What the hell you bastard were just sleeping

Iori: I wonder where that came from. How strange

Terra: Geez~ What a scare. We thought you died. Right?

Amahiko: No, no one thought that, Terra-san

Fumiya: Why don’t you go sleep in your room? Never mind food

Iori: Eh… B-but…

Fumiya: You can’t do anything without stamina. Resting up is also part of giving free service I think

Iori: Y-you’re right. Understood. I’ll go rest.

Iori: Everyone, I’ll be taking a short break right now so make sure to make good use of me once I’m back.

Fumiya: Got it. Besides this household would be nothing without you

Iori: Fuuh…Fuuuh….FWuuUWUuUMIYUAAaaSHBUAaAAN~!

Fumiya: ‘Night

Iori: Goodniiight~♪

Rikai: He…He went to rest…

Amahiko: Hm~ Fumiya-san, as expected from you if I had to say, nice guidance play.

Terra: You knew how to pick your words to convince him, since it looks like he went to rest on his own accord

Rikai: You spoke in such a way for the sake of his own, huh…

Sarukawa: Meh

Fumiya: You’re wrong

Terra, Sarukawa, Amahiko, Rikai: Eh?

Fumiya: I only did it for the sake of my own merit, if he doesn’t get proper amount of rest then he could break and it’d be a problem

Fumiya: So you gotta take good care of useful tools

(Fumiya walks away)

Terra, Sarukawa, Amahiko, Rikai: What the hell!

[dismaltouch]

"tragic ? these aren't shakespearian times, dumbass. there won't be some heroic tragedy or anything remotely appealing about your death. in fact, there won't even be a body for anyone to find. you'll be some missing person storyline that'll make headlines for a few weeks, but inevitably ... your case will run cold and they'll have exhausted all avenues but find no clues whatsoever. you'll be another forgotten nobody in no time. your family will probably be relieved their most insufferable member has been wiped from the earth and they'll remember what it's actually like to enjoy life. you think far too highly of yourself, axel. there's no story worth telling when it comes to you. you're just a slimy little weasel with access to your families money, but you don't really contribute any sort of actual value. do you? you act a little crazy ... have a little too much fun ... but you don't mean anything at the end of the day. not to me." kiara shrugged in response, faux pout donning her features. "what a shame. that's really too bad ... it seems so fitting." she snorted at his next words and rolled her eyes ."awe ... was that supposed to a strike a nerve sweetheart ? you know what's even more amusing ? when a man thinks his opinion holds any merit. you don't know anything about me, or what i have to offer. unfortunately, your time is running out and you'll never have the chance to see for yourself. you really should learn how to talk less, axel. it might benefit you just a little bit." his words did nothing to her or for her. frankly, kiara was tuning out most of what he said anyways, found herself uninterested in hearing his pathetic attempts at insults. "well, i guess that's pretty fortunate for me, since i'm not looking to procreate with someone who looks like he could be in knockoff nickleback band." she kept herself mostly composed, wouldn't let herself falter too much in front of this pretentious dickhead. "i think it'd be more amusing to hear reports of your last whereabouts being someplace your parents would never approve of. i have a guy, and i'm sure you'll be meeting him very soon." she couldn't believe she was still standing there listening to the male spew his bullshit, should've definitely walked away by now. it wasn't like he could really prevent her from leaving. "as if i care what you are and aren't into. i'm sure you're very vanilla and incredibly disappointing in bed." as he stepped closer, she took a step back. "oh. does that get you going or something? hmm? you like seeing people cry? — you better stay the fuck away from me. i'm not here for your entertainment. you got that? find some other girl to fuck around with."

He couldn't help but relish in the satisfaction of provoking a reaction from her. It was one of the reasons why he found such delight in getting under her skin. The fire in her spirit was truly admirable, unlike any women he had encountered before. "Sweet! Give him a ring. Tell him to make it as tragic as possible. I'm certain my family would find a way to capitalize on it. The more gruesome, the better. Who knows, I might even have a documentary dedicated to me or gain a cult following. People do love a good death. It could even inspire the next thrilling movie," he said with a mischievous smile. Deep down, he wished her threats would actually intimidate him. Growing up in a household where his own father used more than just words to instill fear, he carried the scars as a reminder. "I'm afraid my mother wouldn't agree to use those exact words, much to your disappointment," he added, punctuating his statement with a condescending smile, determined to further annoy her. He couldn't resist the urge to continue needling her, reveling in the power of his words. "You know what's amusing? Women always proclaim themselves as the greatest gift, yet when stripped of their wealth, what do they truly have to offer? In your case, you'd be nothing more than an average cashier at Target, at best," he said dismissively, shrugging as if her worth was inconsequential. "That's fine, I can survive not fucking a little gremlin" words fell so carelessly from his mouth. "Why should I go to some seedy club across town? What happened to your guy? Come on now, Kiara, get your stories straight. Do you have a guy or do I have to venture to that unsavory place to meet my demise?" he asked, accompanied by a mocking laugh. "Never said I was. I've never really been into that whole 'daddy' thing either. It's rather repulsive," he stated, unable to comprehend the appeal behind such a term. "Interesting, alright. Let's see it. CRY," he challenged, as he loomed over her. "Make it a big, old messy cry. I want to witness tears flow so profusely that even your father would personally grab me by the collar and throw me out. Come on, Kiara, show me what you've got. CRY ," he insisted, taking yet another step closer.

[simpliao]

UDBSISNDSIKF MADAM I CANNOT! STOP! SCREAMING!!! THESE FICS!!! UGGGGGHHHHHH

You are one of the few people giving me my JSchlatt fix, and I cherish every second of it. If I may be so humble as to make a request, can I suggest something involving praising and giving some lovin’ to the Big Guy himself? I feel like he’s the kind of guy to not recognize his own value and contributions, especially in a romantic relationship. Sometimes to just need to smooch, hold, pamper, and remind your boyfriend how much you love him. Thank you and bless your goddamn angelic heart🤍

hey, hey, hey lover ; (irl) schlatt x reader

summary : schlatt is adamant about breaking up, y/n sees through it. and even if he doesn't ever feel worthy, if it takes her an eternity of holding him close and assuring him; she'd do it in a heartbeat.

info : angst to fluff, feelings of unworthiness, depression, poor mental health, mentions of anger issues, reader comforting schlatt, she/her, afab reader. title sourced by the amazing song by the daughters of eve.

a/n : SO GLAD YOURE ENJOYING ANON, BLESS YOU TOO AWE ! decided to take his self deprecation to the extreme just to have some heart warming, chicken-soup-for-the-soul type fluff. Still doing my best to roll out requests!

to anyone who may relate to the way schlatt feels, even if you don't have your own y/n please do know you're not alone. people love you so please seek help if possible. you can get through this toots, we're all rooting for you. ♡

Everyone had their down days, days where everything seemed so hopeless and desperate; being that Schlatt wasn't always the most mentally healthy he would have these feelings more often than not. Never dare uttering the things his mind conjured up in the midst of his constant battle against himself. He took medication, medication that he hid in the back of drawers and never mention to his lover, sometimes he'd never find a moment alone and he wouldn't take it. He'd deal with it on his own, this was his problem, and therefore he figured it was his to deal with.

Other people had their own struggles, adding his would only hurt and stress other people. It wasn't worth mentioning, they'd only want to help him to be civil, because they were forced into it out of pity. He knew his girlfriend of so long didn't need that added stress when she's already practically worked herself to death, she didn't need him to weigh her down.

That's when real rainy days rolled in, when he wouldn't take his levothyroxine, when his lover found herself working late nights and leaving him alone at midnight with nothing but his own thoughts. Sleep would never find him, his mind too busy overthinking every decision in life, he wasn't doing enough, he wasn't enough. He'd find on those still, cloudy nights, nothing but doubt; Y/n must be working late because she can't stand me anymore. Every little distant memory finds a way to him, he wasn't the kind of guy to like PDA, she wanted to hold hands but he didn't, she must still resent him for it.

It sounds slightly exaggerated and stupid, like he was one of those alt, fifteen year old girls he oftentimes would poke fun at. But being in the right state of mind meant that he couldn't see past the fog of doubt that clouded his better judgement. She'd always kiss him goodbye, she'd always whisper the sweetest of nothings into the lobe of her ear, and repeat time and time again how much she loved him; but he was sure she did it out of pity. Who could possibly love him? His temper was short, he was by no means ever the hottest guy in the room, he told stupid jokes that he knew people only laughed at because they had to.

Y/n deserved so much better, just seeing her smile left a bittersweet ache in his chest; she would be happier with someone else. He adored her like she hung the stars and moon themselves, she was otherworldly beautiful to him, always so caring and bright. She was the light holding him together, but he was convinced he was the darkness that consumed and poisoned her life. Her insistence of her love was nothing more than sweet lies that he felt as if he just knew weren't true.

Those murmurs from within the confines of his mind reminded him of this constantly, a fake truth of his own worth and care from others. They whispered lies that would occupy his mind rent free, no one would ever truly love him because there was nothing there to love. Why was Y/n even with him? If he truly loved her he would want her to be happy, and how could she ever be happy with him? He was imperfect, he was damaged, why would she want a relationship that forced her to pick up the pieces he struggled to pick up on his own?

It all cumulating to a breaking point inside him, when Y/n confronted him about it. Her voice gentle and hesitant, she'd picked up on his behaviours for a while but marked it up to stress or just an off day. It slowly bled into his work, his relationship; becoming more closed off and distant. She wasn't entirely sure what was happening, that was until she found the pill bottle whilst cleaning up their bathroom. The original worry of some kind of addiction morphed into pain and regret once she searched up said medication's name to find out what it happened to be: anti-depressants.

She felt the realization sink into the bottom of her stomach, how could she not have known or have been there for him? She was determined to make it right on her end; be the girlfriend that she knew her boyfriend desperately needed and deserved.

"Darling, had there been something on your mind?" She didn't want to immediately jump into her findings, maybe he had an explanation for them? The last thing she wanted was to make him defensive and start a fight. She could have never anticipated the words that fell past his lips, all while never managing to hold eye contact longer than a few seconds at most.

"I..." want to hold you and have you tell me everything is okay "...want to break up." She stood before him shellshocked, mouth agape and seemingly straining to try and say even a single word. Eyebrows furrowed together with only a single thing escaping her, "what..?" Confusion evident upon her delicate features, Schlatt was breaking apart from the inside. She tried to take a step forwards, but all he did was take one back; maintaining the space between them. If she got to close, if her touch graced his skin and he'd be sucked back into his addiction of the feeling of her, he'd lose his self control and break apart. She didn't need his mess, it was his to fight alone; she deserved to fly.

"Why?" Her words were much firmer, a saddened tone lacing between them. At first came heartbreak, and slowly as she awaited for an answer to her cracked voice, she could see with the brief moments of eye contact something clouded in his eyes. He was hurting... It kind of clicked that he was pushing her away, he was trying to cope and prevent her from finding out the truth. He was still suffering, and knowing Schlatt as long as she has, it was in character.

She blinked away tears, he was ready to get into a shouting match and braced for the absolute worst. What he didn't brace for were the arms of his girlfriend to wrap around him, soothing voice never ceasing. It was a risk on her part, if he was genuinely wanting to break up and she babied him like this he would certainly blow a fuse; but she had faith in what she's learned in all their time spent together. And to her favour, rather than get upset, he melted into her embrace. "I don't..." He paused at his words, trying to bite his tongue of his words. "...I don't love you anymore." Those words did sting, no question about it, but he wasn't in his proper state of mind. Y/n promised to be with him until the end, she intended to live up to that promise, and now was not the end; just a bad day.

"I know, Schlatt. I know you're taking medication to try and help yourself." He tensed up at her words, in response she only made her grasp more reassuring and tightening her hold; letting him know she's there. "I really do love you, you know that right? I understand your belief in privacy, but you're obviously hurting; and seeing you hurt really does hurt me too." His large hands slowly came up to rest upon the back of her head and her back, head hung downward to face her. "Please don't hurt because of me." It was similar to that of a desperate plea of a disciplined child, as if he was the one at fault. "I don't hurt because of you, I hurt for you; that's because I love you."

"Then maybe you shouldn't love me." His words, spoken in a hushed manner whilst he kept his eyes glued to hers, filled with such belief of the falsehood. "I will always love you. Please, talk to me. What made you want to break up..?" He held a pause for a handful of moments, heart in a tough ache before he breathed out his confession. "Because you deserve someone better. Someone who won't hurt you, who'll make you happier." Her eyes watered at this, he'd been hurting so bad and what had she done? Seeing him like this, defeated, nothing like he should ever be, killed her a little on the inside.

"Schlatt." Her doe-like wide eyes are those that he could stare into forever, "no one will ever make me happier than you do. You're just... You're my everything. You think of me when I don't think of myself, you're secretly so damn compassionate, the most loving person I'd ever had the pleasure of meeting..." She burrowed her head into his chest, "and it kills me thinking you'll never see yourself the way I see you. You complete me, so please don't punish yourself to fight this alone. I'm here for you, and I always will be."

He practically fell into her arms at that point, gripping onto her like she'd be forever whisked away should his grip every loosen. Something in his chest alleviated, and for once he could finally breathe again. Holding her in his arms felt so natural, like they were always meant to be this close and interlocked together. For the first time a good while, he could feel the love again. She knew his feelings of self hatred and inability to handle praise wasn't just magically blown away, internally was still scarred and beaten down, he was still hurting. But at least for right now she could soothe his pain even just a little, and take the first steps towards recovery.

[the-scandalorian]

Tempered Glass: Chapter 6

Pairing: Din Djarin x Female Reader Rating: M (will become explicit) Word Count: 4k Warnings: slow burn, sad feels/angst, canon-typical violence, cursing, sexy thoughts, pining Summary: When Fennec Shand reveals your true identity to the Mandalorian, you do your best to pick up the pieces. Notes: I’m sorry this took me so long!! I rewrote it like six times because I couldn’t get it to feel right. Next chapter should be much faster. Taglist: @bbdoyouloveme​​ @beskarhearts​​ @dincrypt​ @dunderr​ @honey-hi​ @just-me-and-my-obsessions00​ @mbpokemonrulez​  @oloreaa​ @red-leaders​ @speakerforthedead0​ @spideysimpossiblegirl​​ @theflightytemptressadventure​ @ubri812​ @zoemariefit​​

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Image from The Art of Star Wars: The Mandalorian

Fuck. Panic coursed through your veins and paralyzed you. Your brain moved infuriatingly slowly as you tried to think of a way to stop the disaster that was unfolding before your eyes.

And yet...despite your fear and despite the fact that this terrifying, high-level bounty hunter had once tracked you, hearing Fennec call you sweetheart made your stomach drop—in a pleasant way, not at all like when Toro had done the same. She was beautiful, strong, mysterious, intimidating. What little you saw of her fighting style confirmed that she was lithe and exacting—catlike in her grace and prowess. A sexy armored bounty hunter.

I have a type.

You shunted that wildly unhelpful train of thought out of your head to refocus on the crisis at hand.

You looked at Mando. “I—”

“What’s she talking about?” he prompted. You couldn’t tell if you were projecting because you felt guilty or if he really did sound a little hurt.

You opened your mouth again to respond, but Fennec beat you to it.

“Oh, you don’t know?” Even in the dark, you could see Fennec’s eyes sparkle in delight as she addressed Mando. “I don’t know how this one stayed off your radar,” she explained. “She was wanted by the Empire for years. Huge bounty... She looks a little different now—check her chest for a scar to make sure, but I’d bet her bounty it’s there.”

Mando had already seen the scar. He knew Fennec was right.

You caught the hungry look on Toro’s face as he drank in everything Fennec was saying. His eyes trailed down your face and landed shamelessly on your chest. You could practically hear the wheels turning in his head as he tried to think up a way to confirm your identity and claim the reward for both you and Fennec. This little fucker.

Fennec looked at you, and you took a step back involuntarily. “You’ve gotten sloppy, baby. There’s been chatter for weeks that you resurfaced on Nevarro. If I hadn’t been pinned down here, I’d have come for you myself.”

Her words felt like ice sliding down your throat and settling in your stomach. You’d figured that news of your sighting would probably get out, but you had hoped against hope that the blue-haired bounty hunter had been taken out before she’d been able to spread the word.

Mando was silent, fists clenched tightly at his sides, visor glued on Fennec. Pulling yourself together, you grabbed his arm and dragged him a safe distance away.

“I was going to tell you. I’m sorry,” you blurted, once you were out of earshot.

“It’s fine,” he replied stiffly, his gaze trained decidedly to your right.

Somewhere in the back of your mind you registered that even though it was just the two of you, his voice retained its icy, detached quality, all the tender familiarity gone.

“No, it’s not. I should have told you sooner. I-I wanted to—believe me—but I didn’t know if I could trust you. You were—you’ve been worried that I might turn you or the kid in, haven’t you? I was worried that you’d do the same to me if you found out. The longer I spent with you, the more I felt like you wouldn’t, but I had to be completely, totally sure. I couldn’t take the risk. You can understand that, right?”

He said nothing.

“Look—I really want to be able to trust you. I want you to be able to trust me. I just didn’t know where to start. It’s not easy for people like us to trust blindly, you know?” You hated that your voice sounded almost pleading.

Still, he said nothing, a blank beskar wall. The comfortable warmth that had developed—slowly, painstakingly—between you two over the past weeks had dissolved in an instant.

“Mando. Talk to me, please.” You reached out for his arm, but he stepped back. He still wouldn’t meet your gaze.

“Not now. Not here.”

“But—”

Your heart sank when he turned abruptly and walked back to the others.

You watched as he grabbed Fennec’s arm roughly, hauling her to her feet, and you trailed behind as he lead your party back down to the foot of the cliff. When you reached the bottom, Mando threw Fennec to the ground.

“Uh oh, looks like two of us have to walk,” Fennec taunted, eyeing the lone bike.

Mando jerked his head, motioning you and Toro to follow him.

“Alright, so what is the plan?” Toro asked Mando.

Reluctantly, you refrained from asking him if he could contribute for once instead of letting Mando do literally all the work; instead, you turned to Mando and supplied, “That dewback isn’t far.”

Mando didn’t look at you. To Toro, he said, “I need you to go find it.”

“And leave you here with my bounty and my ride?” Toro asked incredulously. “Yeah, I don’t think so, Mando. I’ll only go if she comes with me, so I have a guarantee that you won’t leave.” Toro gestured toward you.

You and Mando spoke at the same time: “No.”

“Either she comes, or I don’t go.” Toro was obviously pleased with himself for thinking of this plan, a smirk painted on his face. 

You shot him a scathing look before turning to Mando to offer, “I’ll go get it alone.”

You’d love to put some distance between you and Toro, between you and Fennec, and honestly even between you and Mando at the moment.

“Suit yourself,” shrugged Toro. “Less work for me.”

You ignored Toro. “I remember vaguely where it was.” You pointed.

Mando pressed a button on the side of his helmet and scanned the horizon, stopping vaguely where you’d pointed. Finally, he trained his visor on you. He looked from you to Toro to where Fennec was seated and to you again, deliberating. You could tell he didn’t want you to go alone, but he also didn’t want to leave you here with Toro and Fennec. “We’ll go together.”

You nodded, knowing you were in no position to complain. Now that your secret was out, it was evident that both Toro and Fennec would capitalize on your value at the first chance. And, even now, when your dishonesty had been revealed to him, Mando still felt compelled to protect you, his generous heart winning out over whatever malice he felt toward you.

A small part of you resented him for that; it didn’t rub you the right way that he didn’t think you could take care of yourself. A larger part of you knew it was exactly why you liked him so much.

It would be convenient if he were a selfish ass. You could convince yourself you didn’t owe him anything, that you’d done nothing wrong. But no. 

This is why it’s easier to be alone.

You felt both angry and guilty, an awful combination that manifested in the urge to hit something—a deep yearning to break Toro’s nose flashed through your mind when you caught the smug expression on his face as he looked from you to Mando. He was enjoying the palpable tension that had materialized between you a little too much.

“Watch her,” Mando reminded Toro, gesturing to Fennec. “And don’t let her get near the bike. She’s no good to us dead.”

Without a look or a word to you, he turned and started toward the dewback. 

***

You walked in awkward silence, knowing you’d have to be the one to break it, but you delayed the inevitable, admiring the array of stars spread out above you. Mando stomped up and down the swells of sand, staying several paces ahead.

You meandered your way through a storm conflicting emotions: anger at yourself for getting into this situation (rightful), anger at Mando for being infuriatingly honorable (misplaced), guilt that you’d hurt Mando (well-founded), fear about your safety (appropriate), fear that Mando was about to break your heart a little bit (honest), irritation that you were trekking through a damn desert and there was an aggressive amount of sand in your boots (fair but trivial)... and a myriad of others that were too nuanced to unpack.

After deliberating for a long time, you decided to take an offensive position and offer to leave preemptively to save Mando the trouble (and to save yourself from having to hear that from him). You steeled yourself with a deep breath and interrupted the oppressive quietude of the night, jogging for a moment to catch up with him.

“We can go our separate ways when we get back to Mos Eisley. I know I’m too much of a liability to keep around, especially with the kid.”

He turned his head to look at you, the night sky reflected in his visor.

“I have enough credits to get off world some other way.”

“If that’s what you want.”

It killed you a little just how much it wasn’t what you wanted. You were supposed to be totally independent—you’d chosen this life when you joined the Rebel Alliance, knowing that if by some miracle you managed to survive, you’d be hunted for years. The call for your blood wouldn’t—and didn’t—end with the Battle of Endor, especially when Imperial remnants remained strong. And years ago, condemning yourself to this life for a just cause had seemed brave and romantic. Now, here you were, desperate to build a connection with someone else, despite the risk. And you were starting to think that truly being brave would mean accepting that risk.

At what point is it worth giving up ease for happiness, for something more?

You gathered up what nerve you could muster and took a leap.

“It’s not what I want, but I know you feel betrayed. I really am sorry I didn’t tell you—I was planning to, but I was scared. Scared that you’d take advantage of that... scared that you’d take back your offer to stick together. And the longer I waited, the harder it got to come clean.”

“I understand.”

The frostiness of his voice had given way to something a shade softer, but it still hadn’t returned to its former warmth.

You nodded.  

As it became clear that he wasn’t going to say anything else, the disappointment started to settle in, trickling into the hollow of your chest. He understood, but it evidently didn’t change the fact that the fragile trust that had evolved between you was shattered.

Well, fuck.

You suppressed the wave of emotions that threatened to overtake you, focusing instead on making a new plan for yourself. There would be time to work through the feelings later, alone. Your thoughts wandered to where you might go next, running through a mental list of options. Nothing sounded appealing. 

None of the places that came to mind would be stocked with a shiny, withholding Mandalorian and an ancient green toddler.

You walked for another twenty minutes before Mando spoke again.

“I want to trust you too.”

You stopped. “What?”

He halted too, turning to face you. The dark sky painted his beskar deep shades of liquid indigo, speckled with pinpricks of starlight, that moved as he shifted his weight from one leg to the other. “I wish you... uh... had felt safe enough to tell me that, but I understand why you didn’t.”

You knitted your eyebrows together. “Wait. You’re not mad?”

“I haven’t given you any reason to be open with me. And I guessed you were running from something.”

“Oh.”

“The Empire part caught me off guard—but I knew there was something.”

Of course he’d figured it out...that seemed so obvious now. He’d be able to spot that from a mile away. Plus, he knew you. You spent the last month or so learning his tells and quirks, but you hadn’t stopped to think that he was doing the same with you.

He continued: “But the kid and I are also wanted by the Empire. We’d have the same problem even if you weren’t here.”

“True...” You were struggling to recover from the whiplash.

“What are you wanted for?”

“I was an Intelligence Officer in the Alliance.” It had been years since you’d shared this information with anyone, but the words fell from your lips as naturally as if you said them every day, like you’d been ready to tell him all along and your mouth had finally caught up with your heart.

“Yeah, that makes more sense,” he said. “Explains a lot of your skills.”

You scoffed. “Fair.”

Mando cleared his throat and hooked his thumbs in his belt. “But... it’s...uh, nice to not always be alone.” He punctuated the end of his sentence with a shrug, a little embarrassed.

Relief washed over you.

You smiled. “For me too.”

“Good,” he agreed, nodding decisively.

“Shit, you really let me think you were furious,” you laughed, feeling infinitely lighter but still trying to wrap your mind around this abrupt turn.

“Sorry,” he apologized, “I was... trying to figure some things out.”

You shook your head in exasperation and started walking again, but you froze when he said your real name. You’d known your name would sound good in his voice—everything did—but the way it rumbled and rasped through the modulator was borderline sinful, agonizingly personal.

File that away for later.

You looked back at him, and he cocked his head: “So you’ll stay?” 

“Yeah, I’ll stay,” you agreed, a broad grin on your face.

You both started walking again, and suddenly, trudging through the sandy desert in the middle of the night didn’t seem so bad. The dewback came back into view as you crested another sand dune.

Mando looked over at you. “Din,” he offered. “My name is Din.”

You glanced up at him, surprised. “Din,” you repeated back to him, feeling it out.

Despite the contradictory definition of the word, it suited him. He was the opposite of a cacophony, a man of few words—though to be fair, he did often cause a commotion. But as a name... Din was short, to the point. It evoked a lot of feeling for just three letters, and that felt right.

“I know your real name now. I thought it was only fair that you know mine too, but only use it when it’s just me and you and the kid,” he explained.

Your throat was unexpectedly tight.

You reached over to squeeze his arm at the elbow, where there was a gap in the beskar. He didn’t pull away.

“Thanks,” you answered, looking up into his visor. 

You hoped he understood that you were thanking him for more than just his name—for his understanding, for his trust, for his protection, for his vulnerability. You couldn’t say that all out loud at the moment, but you hoped he knew.

He dipped his helmet in acknowledgement, and you dropped your hand. 

When you finally reached the dewback, Din approached slowly, speaking to it in a calm, lilting voice. It warmed to him slowly, and he grabbed the reins.

He hauled himself up onto its back and then extended a hand down to you. You took it, and he pulled you up easily to sit behind him. You wrapped your arms around his middle.

“Is this okay?” You weren’t really sure why you asked this time. Things had shifted between the two of you, so you were compelled to check that the casual contact was still welcome.

He cleared his throat: “Yeah, fine,” he confirmed.

It had been a long time since you’d been physically affectionate with anyone, besides the occasional casual, short-lived tryst. It was nice to wrap your arms around someone familiar and comfortable, someone who knew you.

The dewback started forward. Din directed it back toward the cliffs with the reins in his fist. It wasn’t a huge distance, but the dewback was a slow means of transportation.

You had little idea what all this meant for your daily reality with Din. You had both shared that you wanted companionship, but that didn’t necessarily mean he was interested in anything more than that. However, for you at least, this was undeniably no longer a superficial interest that you harbored; you had real affection for him. And it seemed like he maybe was starting to feel same way about you? Or maybe he was just getting comfortable with having companionship? The man was starved for human interaction, so it was hard to know if he was warming up to you or warming up to companionship in general.

One step at a time.

Time slipped by as the dewback lumbered on. You rested your cheek against the scratchy fabric of his cape and closed your eyes. The rhythmic movement, the darkness, and comfort of the position lulled you into a light sleep.

You weren’t sure how long you’d been asleep when Din woke you, squeezing your now limp arm that was resting on his thigh above his beskar plate.

“Alive back there?” he asked in a low voice.

Leaned against him, still groggy with sleep, you felt the question rumble through his chest.

You sat up straight, pulling your arms back to your sides. “Shit, sorry. I didn’t mean to fall asleep.”

He chuckled. “It’s fine. We’re close.”

The two suns had risen, bathing the landscape in the golden glow of early morning. You looked around and saw that you were a short distance from where you’d left Toro and Fennec. You couldn’t see them yet, but you figured they were hidden behind one of the many large boulders strewn across the landscape.

As you drew nearer, though, you could tell something was wrong. Only one figure came into view—and it was crumpled on the ground. Din registered this as well: his shoulders stiffened, and he pulled the reins tight to halt the dewback’s slow advance.

It was Fennec’s body on the ground. Toro was nowhere to be seen.

“Fuck,” you breathed.

“You were right about him,” said Din. “Stay here.”

Din dismounted and approached Fennec’s body. She looked dead, but he crouched to check. He tried to find a pulse, and after a moment, he stood back up and shook his head.

As Din walked back toward you, the realization dawned on you both at the same time.

“He didn’t—”

“The kid—”

“She must have—”

“We have to—”

Din hurried back onto the dewback and directed it toward Mos Eisley, doing his best to make the lumbering creature pick up its pace. It didn’t help much.

The ride back was interminable. You definitely didn’t fall asleep this time, adrenaline keeping you on edge as the hours passed. Both you and Din were incredibly tense, speaking very little, thinking only of the child.

***

Night had fallen again by the time you reached Mos Eisley. The speeder bike that Toro had been riding was parked outside Peli’s. Fury and fear spidered through your veins at the thought of him with the kid.

Din jumped off the side of the dewback and looked up at you expectantly, his arms outstretched. You maneuvered your leg over the side and slid down a bit until his hands gripped your hips, and he lowered you until your feet hit the sand. You could have easily jumped down on your own. He knew that. You knew that. You’d let him help you anyways.

You paused outside the bay to draw your blasters.

“Here,” Din offered you the flash charge.

You slipped it into your jacket sleeve, where it stayed tight against your wrist. Together, you crept through the door and down the stairway that opened up to where the Razor Crest was parked. It was eerily quiet.

You scanned the space, jumping slightly when one of Peli’s pit droids scurried past.

“Took you guys long enough.”

Toro walked slowly down the open ramp of the Crest, the barrel of the blaster in his hand pressed to Peli’s back. The child was held in his other arm.

“Looks like I’m calling the shots now. Huh?” he sneered.

The urge to hit him flared up so acutely that you clenched your fists. You hissed at him: “Don’t you da—”

“Drop your blasters and raise ‘em,” he ordered, cutting you off.

You and Din exchanged a look before throwing your blasters to the ground. In a subtle movement, you shifted the charge from your sleeve to your fist as you placed your hands behind your head.

“Cuff ‘em,” commanded Toro, nudging Peli forward and throwing two sets of cuffs to the ground.

She moved toward Din.

“No, start with her,” Toro drawled, jutting his chin toward you. “To think I almost cut Mando out of this deal,” he laughed. “I would have gotten you and Fennec, but this is so much better. I get to collect the bounty on you and this target here that Mando helped escape,” he pointed his gun at the baby and all your muscles tensed in protective rage, “...and I get to turn in the legendary Mandalorian himself—a Guild traitor.”

Peli walked behind you. You grasped the charge in your fist so that she would be able to see the top of it. You heard her quiet, sharp intake of breath.

“Fennec was right,” Toro continued smugly. “Bringing you three in won’t just make me a member of the Guild—it’ll make me legendary. Three high-value targets on my first try. Wow, I should really thank you guys.”

Peli was fumbling with the cuffs behind you, taking longer than necessary on purpose.

You hoped she was ready to duck because you’d heard enough of Toro’s self-congratulatory monologue. You released the charge.

In the split second of blinding light, you, Din, and Peli sprinted in opposite directions, taking cover. Toro groaned and attempted to cover his eyes, shooting blindly at the empty space where you had been standing.

Din took Toro out in one shot.

You were closest to where he fell, so you charged forward with your blaster trained on his body. The baby wiggled out of Toro’s arms and ran toward you. His big eyes were watery and his arms stretched toward you, his fingers making little grabby motions. He chittered nervously as you scooped him up with your free arm, and he buried his head in your shoulder.

You kicked Toro’s blaster away from his body as Din approached to make sure he was dead. After he checked his pulse, Din tugged the pouch of credits from Toro’s belt and tossed it to Peli. “Here,” he said.

With a gasp, she caught it and emptied the pouch in her hands. Credits tumbled out, a few falling to the ground.

“That cover us?” Din asked.

Peli looked shocked, scrambling to pick them all up. “Yeah... uh, yes. This is gonna cover you.” It was clearly far more than she was expecting.

You passed the child over to Din, and he looked down at the baby, tilting his helmet in...what? Affection? Relief? This was a head tilt you hadn’t defined yet.

Peli approached him and looked down at the child. “You take care of him, you hear?”

Din nodded.

“Thank you for watching him,” you said to Peli, genuinely grateful that she had turned out to be trustworthy.

“Besides getting held at gunpoint... I guess it wasn’t too bad,” she replied, smiling down at the baby. She’d clearly grown fond of him, and you couldn’t blame her. After a moment, Peli mumbled a goodbye and walked away, eagerly counting the credits in her hands, her pit droids skittering after her.

You stood there, finger caught between three tiny green ones, as the kid babbled and cooed up at you. When you looked up, Din’s helmet was trained on your face.

He tipped his head toward the open ramp of the Crest in a wordless invitation.

You smiled at him, a comforting warmth settling in your chest, and he followed you into the hull.

***

Chapter 7

[bonesbuckleup]

Lord, this answer got long. I’m a little embarrassed about it, but I wrote it, so it’s getting posted. It’s a literal essay. Sorry but also not?

TLDR: Yes, the show is arguably unfair to Sokka about Kya, but it also follows a pattern where Sokka stays quiet about Bad Feelings and plays by the rules established for his character. Katara, meanwhile, grieves loudly and often, and appears to be under the impression that because Sokka’s grief is silent it doesn’t exist, which also fits her character/interactions completely. Neither of them are right or wrong, but it sets them up on inevitable collisions.

Now. If you want to join me on a cactus-juice fueled descent into madness, proceed below the cut.

Number one. We’re referring to this exchange in “The Southern Raiders,” where the Gaang is talking about Zuko and Katara going after the man who killed Kya, which is vicious and brutal and never reflected on:

Aang: You sound like Jet. Katara: It's not the same! Jet attacked the innocent. This man, he's a monster. Sokka: Katara, she was my mother, too, but I think Aang might be right. Katara (angry, yelling): Then you didn't love her the way I did! Sokka (visibly hurt, softly): Katara.

And that’s it. Upon returning, Katara apologizes to Aang and not, as Anon is absolutely correct in pointing out, to Sokka, who is 100% the more injured party. Now. Is it possible this is one of the rare missteps from the atla writers? Yes. Absolutely. Is that the answer I’m about to write a literal fucking essay about? No. Because it’s more painful fun to take it as face value and talk subtext.

First, a reminder that this show is fucking good at what it does. It teaches you how each character grieves as we go: Aang explodes, often triggering the Avatar state, usually crying or angry, and when he does try to repress his Bad Feelings it rarely lasts longer than a day; Toph either shuts down or gets mad, but either way she doesn’t like people seeing her having Bad Feelings and often storms away, knowing that she can’t control it no matter how much she might want to; Zuko yells at the sky in a rainstorm or yells at his dad in an underground tunnel or challenges Zhao to an Agni Kai or yells at his uncle in a jail cell and generally is an emotive nuclear bomb because the boy has feelings and if he keeps them inside for more than three seconds he might explode okay.

Then we have Katara and Sokka.

Let’s start with Katara, since she has the most textual and straightforward displays of grief. She’s really the only one to talk about Kya’s death in Book 1. If Sokka mentions it, it’s barely in passing. I don’t think we hear Hakoda address her death at all (which I’ll return to in a moment.) Katara’s grief is loud. It’s angry. It’s still very much a living thing for her. She thinks she sees Kya in the swamp and breaks down crying, and tells Aang and Sokka about it with no hesitation. When she’s angry and sad at Hakoda for leaving, she acts out and is visibly upset with him, yells at him, cries at him. She out-loud hates Zuko when she comes to the conclusion that he told her about Ursa and got her to talk about Kya to manipulate her. It isn’t that her grief is performative, because it’s a very real and terrible thing, but it’s a grief that’s to be witnessed.

Then, Sokka. Sokka’s grief is more complicated because it exists almost entirely in subtext, especially in regard to Kya. We really only hear him talk about Kya twice, both in Book 3. First, to Toph, when he tells her that he can’t remember what Kya looks like. Worth noting, however, that even though it is Sokka talking, this is still centered on Katara and Katara’s grief. The next time is when Zuko asks what happened to Kya, and Sokka tells the story that leads into the initial flashback. Sokka doesn’t talk about his mom. This is a fact of the show. It’s such a fact of the show that, in “Southern Raiders,” after the exchange at the start of this post, while Katara and Zuko are on the hunt, Sokka doesn’t bring up Kya again and is messing around with Aang. Like nothing has happened or is currently happening--which I’ll come back to in a moment.

So while we can use Kya as a perfect example of how Katara grieves, we can’t really use her for Sokka. So let’s use Yue instead. Moments we see (or don’t see) Sokka grieving Yue:

In the opening to Book 2, we briefly have a shot of Sokka with the moon imposed behind him.

“The Swamp,” where Sokka’s vision is of Yue accusing him of not protecting her. This one is one of the more textual moments of grief--”I think about Yue all the time”--but what’s awful great about it is how Sokka tells Aang and Katara. Aang, obviously, has no qualms about sharing his vision. Katara openly talks about seeing Kya. Sokka only tells them about Yue when explicitly asked. Even then, he doesn’t mention what she said to him. From this, we can assume that Sokka is still holding onto a lot of guilt over her death--guilt that he won’t let Aang and Katara see. Anyway. Moving on.

“The Serpent’s Pass.” After spending all day panic protecting Suki, he tells her that he lost someone, but doesn’t go much further into detail, just saying that he can’t when she tries to kiss him. Of course, this is all happening in front of the moon. Again, though, Sokka stays vague. He doesn’t tell her any details.

“The Puppetmaster,” Toph posits that maybe the moon spirit has gone mean and is kidnapping people. Sokka snaps at her, in a moment definitely meant for laughs, saying, “The Moon Spirit is a gentle, loving lady. She rules the sky with compassion and ... lunar goodness!” It is a funny moment, but here’s what we can take from it: Toph doesn’t know about Yue. Toph is a Feral Bastard a lot of the time, but she also knows where the line is, and I don’t think she’d’ve said that if she’d known.

“Boiling Rock,” in arguably the most quoted (and well deservedly so!) line in the entire show. “My first girlfriend turned into the moon.” “...that’s rough, buddy.” COMEDIC GOLD. Also, weirdly, the literal only time that Sokka explicitly tells someone about Yue in the course of the show.

“Ember Island Players” which I haven’t hit in my rewatch yet, but I definitely remember a moment where Suki asks Sokka when he was gonna tell her he made out with the moon, and he tearfully shushes her. Again, played for laughs, but the implication is that he still hasn’t told Suki about what happened.

This plays perfectly into the same way that Sokka (doesn’t) talks about his mom. When the Bad Feelings come, Sokka either avoids them and finds a distraction (Goofs with Aang--see, told ya we’d come back to that) or stays silent. When someone explicitly asks him about the Bad Feelings--what he saw in the swamp, what’s eating at him in “Sokka’s Master,” why he’s panic-protecting Suki--he’ll answer, but often talks around the actual issue. (Interestingly, it’s in regard to Suki we see the most explicit manifestation of Sokka grieving as Azula taunts him during the invasion: he cries, he attacks Azula, he yells and questions her despite the fact he knows she’s wasting their time. I think this one hits him because, as this beautiful post points out, Suki’s the protector in the relationship, and Sokka can actually chill out for 2 seconds. But he let his guard down, and Azula got Suki. Anyway. That’s probably a different essay: back to the matter at hand.) We even see this in “Boiling Rock.” There’s a moment where they think Hakoda is not with the other political prisoners. Sokka’s tense, drawn tight, but the only thing he says is, “No.”

Basically, we’ve got Katara, who grieves loudly and rages and is kinda like white-water rapids that churn and churn and churn. And we’ve got Sokka, who, to quote John Mulaney, looks at his grief and says, “I’ll just keep all my emotions right here and then one day I’ll die.” Iceberg grief, to keep the water metaphor going.

And where did these come from? Yup! Water Tribe gender roles! What we know from the show is that, while the South is typically more progressive (women can train as benders and marry who they want, at least) than the North, it’s still very rigid: the men are warriors/hunters/protectors, the women stay home to cook/clean/child-rear.

Now: subtext! And why I think they are this way!

We’ll start with Katara. The last waterbender in the South Pole. She no doubt grew up doted on. If I say she’s most likely a little spoiled, I don’t mean it in a bad way--I mean it in a she’s the last living remnant of this aspect of their culture kind of way. When raiders come, she’s probably the first priority to protect. Kya dies to keep her safe. Her needs are generally put before the community as a whole. (This isn’t to say that Katara doesn’t contribute or care about her community, because she 100% does). But! Especially in Book 1, we see Katara often considering her opinions as facts (trusting Jet, the waterbending scroll) and doesn’t always pause to consider the larger impact that her actions will have (scroll and Jet again, challenging Pakku, dressing up as the Painted Lady despite the fact the factory will hold the village responsible). And many of these actions are good! But we see a lot of Katara being pretty self-centered--what can I do, how does this impact me, how do I feel about this? And this isn’t a bad thing! This aspect of her character makes her complicated and complex! Katara loves her family and protecting people and caring for them! She’s extremely empathetic! But she also struggles to meet people where they’re at when they emote in a different way than she does (see: her clashes with Toph, her initial problems with Zuko joining the group, the above interaction with Sokka). It’s also worth talking about how Katara witnessed her mother’s death, which no doubt makes her grief about it a sharper thing.

Then, again, Sokka. Also loved in his community! But a normal kind of love, I’d assume. He probably was raised on stories of the Fire Nation dragging waterbenders away. No one exemplifies the Water Tribe ride-or-die mentality quite as well as Sokka, or the gender roles of the man as the warrior/protector, so you gotta believe Hakoda raised that kid to look after his sister at all costs, which we see throughout the show (already preparing to go after Aang in the South Pole because he know Katara’s going anyway, “You burned my sister!”) And he isn’t there when his mom dies. He finds out later. He goes from feeling like a victor who helped chased the raiders away to the worst realization of his life. I have to imagine he’s ashamed by the fact that he thought everything was going to be okay, which leads into his worldview of assuming that nothing is okay ever in any circumstance.

Finally, Hakoda. Who never, unless I’ve forgotten something, talks about Kya. All we know is that their family fell apart after her death (per Sokka in “The Runaway,” learning how Katara stepped up to hold everything together) and sometime after he took the warriors and straight up left. He apologizes for leaving but doesn’t address the fact that he left Katara and Sokka with no parents at all, only the war. This is, uh, not exactly echoing a healthy coping mechanism?

My theory: Kya dies. Since the Water Tribe is so embedded in gender roles, Hakoda probably shut down and/or checked out emotionally for a while. This leaves his kids on their own to deal with their shit, and we learn Katara does everything she can to keep her family going. As the most protected individual in the South, Katara’s probably been taught that emotions equal attention, and uses her temper/caring/sadness to help bring her community closer. Meanwhile, Sokka, who hero worships his dad, watches Hakoda go stoic and learns that “real men” shove their shit down. Additionally, Katara’s grief is deafeningly loud, and Sokka’s number 1 role is to keep Katara safe. He’s taught that the Bad Feelings only get in the way and make things worse, and so he learns to be fine no matter what kind of terrible is going down around him.  Basically, Katara learns to use grief as a needle and thread, and Sokka learns to bury it as deep as he can and avoid it at all costs. Opposite reactions to the same trauma. Katara gets mad and demands to be heard and listened to and seen, and Sokka gets sarcastic and prepares himself for the day the Fire Nation ships come back for his sister.

So. Back to those above lines from “Southern Raiders.”

From a writing standpoint, I do wish the final moment was between Katara and Sokka versus Katara and Aang. They could’ve had an almost identical interaction, but it would’ve been more nuanced. I don’t think that Katara needed to apologize, but I think we needed some acknowledgement from both of them: Katara continuing the lesson she’s learned about how her pain doesn’t entitle her to hurt other people (including Sokka, who is there no matter what she says or does), and Sokka that Katara’s process of grieving had to involve this catharsis.

Or. Maybe not. Because again--subtext. Their grief works in such different ways that I have to imagine this isn’t a new fight. It was probably brutal and vicious for a very long time. Maybe that’s part of what made Sokka try and go with the warriors. Maybe that’s part of why Katara gets mad so quickly in the first episode of the show. But eventually, unable to find an answer, they just...stop talking about it. Because the two of them don’t talk about it. Katara only talks about her mom with people who aren’t Sokka, and Sokka does exclusively to Toph and Zuko.

The only time I can think of Katara and Sokka talking about it together is the exchange at the top of this post, and it gets ugly fast, and it isn’t brought up again. It’s a fight that will never be resolved, because they fundamentally can’t react to one another in a way that can be universally understood.

“You didn’t love her the way I did!” Katara yells, loudly, because if Sokka loved her then why isn’t he raging? Why isn’t he getting his sword and coming to help her? Why doesn’t Sokka want to burn this firebender to the ground and make him see and hear and look at what he’s done to the world? To their family? He must not understand. He must not care as much or he’d be screaming with her.

“Katara,” Sokka says, much quieter, and adds nothing else. Not because there isn’t anything else to say, but because Sokka can’t talk about this kind of thing. Not doesn’t want to, but can’t, because it’s his job to protect people, protect Katara, and if he lets all those old hurts come boiling up he can’t do that, because that ends with losing focus and losing control and people getting hurt or going away. Why can’t she understand that?

And then they do what they always do. They don’t bring it up again.

[the-sympathetic-villain]

The Stowaway's Heart - Chapter 9

AO3 | First | Previous | Next | Masterpost

Description:  Virgil is rescued by selkies after being abandoned at sea and brought back to their pod to recover. Virgil’s poor, gay heart may just explode from how attractive they all are.

Word Count: 5935

Chapter Warnings: Flirting, Romantic contact, Sexual innuendo, Swearing, Anxiety, Self-esteem issues, Mentions of less than ideal childhoods (Let me know if I missed anything!)

---

“I do apologize, Virgil.” Logan stated, glancing at Remus for help before turning back to Virgil’s desperate expression. “I am struggling to understand why this is an issue. Please, help me understand what is bothering you.”

Virgil stared at his soulmates. His face flushed as he tried to find the right words to convey the sudden feeling of fight-or-flight response pulling at his mind. “I just—I don’t know. It's a lot.”

“It's just dinner, Doom and Gloom.” Remus chimed in playfully. “You won't even have to get naked or nothing—”

“Not helping, Re.” Virgil whined, massaging his temples as he tried to force away the growing ache in his head .

“Awww—Come on, pretty boy.” Remus cooed, curling an arm around his shoulder. “This ain't nothing you haven’t done before.”

Logan's soft chuckle drew Virgil’s attention up as Remus' limbs slowly wrapped around him. “Now, not that I believe Remus’ ego needs stroking—”

“Oh, Lolo.” Remus giggled in Virgil’s ear, mustache tickling his neck. “You make me blush.”

“Re, stop—” Virgil protested weakly, though he could feel his heartbeat start to slow as he melted into Remus’ arms.  His skin tingled with warmth as Logan cleared his throat, drawing both their attention.

Logan's coy smiled gleamed down at Virgil as he stepped forward, raising a hand to Virgil’s cheek. “As I was saying, Remus is right. None of this is nothing new for you.”

“I know,” Virgil’s gaze fell as he went slack in Remus’ arms. His voice dropped, suddenly feeling embarrassed. “but it's different now.”

“What is different, Virgil?” Logan’s smile turned serious as he dropped down beside them.

Virgil bit his lip, hair falling over his eyes as his voice dropped to a whisper. “This is the first time I've been around everyone as an equal.”

“Oh, love.” Logan reached forward to brush the hair from Virgil’s face as Remus' arms squeezed him. “You've always been an equal.”

“I know. Everyone’s been perfectly nice. It’s just—” Virgil quickly lost his words, sighing in exasperation as he shrank back into Remus. “Listen, I get that this doesn’t make any sense, but—"

“It makes perfect sense, Dr. Doom.” Remus’ soothing voice rumbled in his ear as he sank deeper into his soulmate’s arms. “I mean, we boxed you up like a rabid animal. What were you supposed to think?”

“It’s not—it's not that.”

Silence hung in the air for what felt like an eternity before Logan asked the question Virgil had been evading. “What is it that is really bothering you then, dearest?”

“I'm not special.” Virgil whispered quietly, avoiding his soulmates’ eyes. “I'm surrounded by literal mythical beings and I’m just normal.”

“Well,” Logan chuckled, sharing a knowing look with Remus. “I must say I disagree with that sentiment. In fact, I do believe you may be the most special of all of us.”

Virgil’s eyes filled with confusion as he raised an eyebrow in confusion. “I am not.”

“I mean, going by statistics alone, you are the only full bred human among us. The rest of us are selkies.” Logan smirked coyly as he rested a hand on Virgil’s knee. “Therefore, if judging on rarity alone, you are special above all of us.”

“Only if you’re using the lamest metric possible to judge me on.”

“Oh, I am not finished dearest.” Logan smiled as Virgil grumbled. “You are strong where we are weak.”

“What?”

“You are not bound by a pelt, love.” Logan smirked as he traced his fingers up to where Virgil’s hand rested on his thigh. “Should humans land on the island, we are significantly safer with you around because you do not have the same weaknesses as us.”

Virgil hesitated, trying to ignore the tingling in his arm as Logan traced circles on his skin. “I never thought about it that way.”

“Certainly not, because it is as natural to you as breathing.” Logan smiled, not even looking up as he pulled a soft gasp from Virgil as he continued to gently massage his arm. “Much like you seem to overlook your ability to handle our pelts with such ease as a given attribute. Whereas to us, it is a show of incredible strength and self-restraint beyond that of most of your species.”

“I don’t think I should be praised for not turning you into a mindless drone, Lo.” Virgil raised his lip on disgust at the idea, though the expression was short-lived.

“Neither do I, Virgil.” Logan whispered as his fingertips reached Virgil’s elbow.

The light touches along Virgil’s joint sent gentle, lightning-like pulse up his arm, pulling another light gasp from him. “What are you do—”

“However, I do think it is worth considering that it translates to your other traits.” Logan continued quietly. He barely looked up, deep in focus as he rested Virgil’s hand back on his leg and picked up his other hand. “I have already commented on your near selfless behavior, and though I have my concerns about how your self-esteem fuels that trait, it is commendable nonetheless.”

“Logan—” Virgil whined, letting out a breathless sigh as Logan continued his methodic tracing of his arm.

Logan paused briefly, smirking up at the blissful look on Virgil’s face as Remus giggled behind him “Not to mention, I think it is worth noting that your interactions with Patton show that you are both empathetic and compassionate.”

“What are you doing?” Virgil whispered breathlessly.

“Reminding you of all the reasons you are special, love.” Logan whispered, feigning innocence as he smiled knowingly as Virgil’s eyes fluttered wearily.

“I was talking about whatever you’re doing to my arms, you bastard.” Virgil chided weakly, barely keeping his eyes open.

“Sometimes the energy conduits in your body constrict and stop flowing properly due to prolonged stress.” Logan smiled, stopping his movement as he reached up to brush Virgil’s hair from his eyes. “With some practice, I have figured out how to use the gentle application of pressure to allow the energy to flow more efficiently.”

Virgil groaned, rolling his head back into Remus' shoulder. “Do you ever play fair?”

“No,” Logan smirked, drawing his fingertips down Virgil’s jaw. “I have grown accustomed to getting my way.”

Virgil glared up at him, chewing on his lip. “I know I'm overreacting, but—”

“There is no shame in being nervous, dearest.” Logan interrupted gently, smiling reassuringly at him. “but you've contributed a great deal to our lives already and I hate to see you undermine your own value.”

“I haven’t done anything”

“Oh, please.” Remus hushed him with a smirk. “Your presence has changed everything around here.”

Logan’s expression softened as Virgil rolled his head back in disbelief. “What Remus says is true. Obviously, it goes without saying that you have had a significant effect on Remus and I but I think perhaps you don't see the way your presence has affected the others.”

“What do you mean?”

Logan leaned forward, resting a hand on Virgil’s as he continued. “Patton adores you. He has continued to talk about you constantly since the day you were accidentally introduced to him—”

“—and Jan-Jan won't admit it but he's excited to have someone new around." Remus purred into his ear with a sympathetic smile. “The rest of us have known each other since we were kids and it’s been a bit isolating for him.”

Virgil’s eyes dropped to his lap as he leaned into Remus, processing their words. “Roman's really okay with me being out?”

Logan smiled, subtly squeezing Virgil’s hand. “Roman said so himself, love. You have a place here.”

Virgil slowly let out the breath he'd been holding as his grip tightened on Remus' arm. “Okay.”

“Okay?” Logan prompted hesitantly.

“I'll do it.” Virgil bit his lip, nodding stiffly. “It's not like I can avoid it forever anyway.”

The energy around him shifted quickly and he could feel the excitement almost bubbling around him as his soulmates perked up. Remus' arm uncoiled from around him as Logan pulled him to his feet rather suddenly.

Not for the first time, Virgil was grateful that the selkie's grace made up for his own clumsiness. A deep blush settled onto his cheeks as Logan hooked his waist, pulling him close. The selkie’s hair brushed his forehead lightly, sending shivers down his body as Logan leaned his forehead down to his with a contented sigh.

“Thank you, dearest.” Logan whispered, pulling him toward the door. “I promise it will be well worth your time.”

---

Virgil shuffled behind Logan and Remus reluctantly as they led him through the tunnels. His shoulders curled forward, tensing as he tried to make himself smaller as the narrow tunnel began to open up. His anxiety burned in his chest as the loud sound of rushing water filled his ears. He slowed his pace at the entrance to the cave, pausing entirely as he found himself staring out in awe at the open space.

He barely even noticed as Logan and Remus continue on without him as his eye adjusted to the dim light. Hesitantly, he peeked around the corner, letting his eyes trace up the high walls of the cave disappeared into the shadows. His attention slowly drifted to the sound of rushing water as he lifted his head to see a shimmering glimmer on the far wall. A rush of mist rushed past his face as he stepped out into the open and he let out a small gasp as he realized the far wall was made up by a giant  waterfall.

“Beautiful. Isn't it?”

Virgil jumped at the sudden voice behind him. His body tensed and his head spun over his shoulder, relaxing slightly at the sight of Janus' white pelt standing out against the darkness.

“Yeah,” Virgil dropped his gaze, shoving his hands in his pockets as Janus came to stand next to him. “It's pretty impressive, I guess.”

A smile twitched at the corner of Janus' lips as he glanced down at Virgil. “This island holds many wondrous secrets, but this place has always been a particular favorite of mine.”

Dark circles filled the space under Virgil’s eyes as he tipped his gaze up to Janus, crossing his arms. “Yeah?”

“Certainly,” The dim light glistened on Janus' gilded scars as he nodded quietly. “This island has offered sanctuary to us all and there's no denying how fortunate we were to find such a beautiful home, but personally, I'm only truly at peace when I can breathe in the ocean air. The waterfall isn't the same, but the mist offers its own comfort.”

“You don't ever go out?” Virgil questioned, raising an eyebrow up at Janus as the selkie stared wistfully at the waterfall.

Janus shrugged, casually glancing over at Logan and Remus on the far side of the cave. “Of course we do, but it's not as often as any of us would like.”

“Right.” Virgil muttered, chewing his lip as he glanced up at the distant look in the selkie’s eyes. “I guess Logan mentioned that you guys have to be careful, but that doesn't seem fair to deny yourself that comfort when it's so close.”

Janus sighed, crossing his arms across his chest. “Our choices are what brought us here, so to complain about the consequences is redundant. For better or worse, this is our reality now.”

“You hardly seem to have had a choice in your situation.” Virgil muttered quietly, deep in thought.

“Perhaps not originally,” Janus smirked softly at Virgil’s acknowledgement. “but at this point, it's my choice to follow Roman and I wouldn’t have it any other way.”

Virgil felt his anxiety rise in his chest at the mention of Roman’s name, but he forced his expression to remain neutral. He tapped his fingertips on his arm as he looked down at the ground, eyeing Janus curiously. “What choices brought the others here?”

Janus’ knowing smirk widened. “Forgive me for pointing out the obvious, but I do believe either of your lovers would be more equipped to answer that question than myself.”

“I know. I just—” Virgil stalled as Janus turned to stare at him. He shifted his gaze away, rolling his eyes as Janus chuckled at him. “Just, never mind.”

“Don’t worry, Virgil. I understand.” Janus smiled gently at him. “It's new and you’re still learning to trust them.”

Virgil stopped chewing his lip, looking up at Logan and Remus on the far side of the cave. They were laughing as they sat next each other worked together to light the kindling for the fire. “I'm not worried about them, Janus. I'm worried about what they’ll think of me.”

“Trust me when I say there's nothing you can do to that will scare them away.” Janus reassured him with a knowing smile, running his fingers down the pelt on his shoulders “Even if they weren’t your soulmates, both of them are too insufferably optimistic about people to think ill of you.”

Virgil smirked rolling back on his ankles. “Hopefully, with that advantage I'll be able to live up to their expectations for me.”

Janus smirked, shrugging his shoulders. “You have nothing to worry about, Virgil. Truly, they adore you already."

“Thanks.”  Virgil smiled faintly casting a grateful glance up at Janus. “I appreciate the—”

“Vee!”

Virgil let out a quiet grunt as a small force curled around the back of his knees, nearly knocking him forward onto the ground. He looked down to see Patton’s wet, brown hair as he curled around Virgil’s legs.

“Hey.” Virgil grinned softly as he knelt down to ruffle the kid's wet hair as he giggled. “Long time, no see, kiddo.”

“Finally, the mystery is solved.”

Virgil jumped instinctively at the sound of Roman’s voice behind him. He barely had a moment to react before a hand rested on his shoulder and he looked up to see Janus smiling down at him reassuringly before turning to move back to Roman.

“And what mystery is that, my dear?” Janus cooed as he stepped toward Roman, reaching out to intertwine his fingers around his soulmate’s. An adoring smile spread across his face as he ran his fingers through Roman’s damp, dark hair.

“Our littlest selkie has started referring to his elders as kiddo, and for the life of me, I couldn't figure out where he'd even learned the word,” Roman’s head tipped up to Virgil with a gentle smile. “but it would seem that I've found it's source.

“I'm sorry.” Virgil replied, running his fingers through his hair as he dropped his gaze.

“No need to apologize, Virgil.” Roman replied immediately, holding a hand out in reassurance as Virgil slowly tipped his head back up to him. “I actually find it quite endearing.”

“Oh.” Virgil blinked. He couldn’t help but be shocked at the gentleness in Roman’s voice as he spoke to him. “Right.”

“Vee—” Patton whined impatiently as he leaned his hands into Virgil to get his attention. “—I went swimming today.”

“Did you now?” Virgil felt his confusion melt away as the kid's eyes sparkled up at him.

“I did!” Patton grinned as he rolled forward on his feet. “I went all the way down to the bottom and I wasn’t even scared.”

“That's amazing, kid.” Virgil chuckled as Patton leaned into shoulder. “You’re a lot braver than me.”

Patton beamed at the praise, absently grabbing a handful of Virgil’s shirt as he rolled forward on his feet in excitement. “I brought something for you.”

“For me?” Virgil blinked in surprise. His eyed flitted up to Roman and Janus, chewing his lip at their warm smiles as he turned back to Patton. The kid was almost bouncing as he lifted his hands up and unfolded them for Virgil.

“Yeah, here.” Patton whispered as he held out a dark, black rock. The outside was rough and unremarkable, but as the kid turned over the rock, Virgil’s jaw dropped. The far side of the rock was broken, and Virgil could see glittering purple crystals inside.

“Pat, wow." Virgil whispered as Patton dropped the crystal in his hand. He stared blankly down at the crystal as he ran his fingers over its smooth surface. Warmth spread across his chest as turned up at Patton with a soft smile. “Are you sure you don’t want to keep it for yourself?”

“It's ‘kay.” Patton murmured as he leaned his head into Virgil’s shoulder, curling his arms around Virgil’s bicep. “You need it for your new room. Janus says the purple ones keep the bad dreams away.”

“My new room?” Virgil echoed in disbelief, feeling his shoulders slump as Patton continued to ramble excitedly.

“I didn't want you to be scared, if you have to turn your lamp off.” Patton finished with a tired smile as Virgil wrapped an arm around his waist.

“That was meant to be a surprise,” Roman chuckled softly above him. “but I suppose the kid's tired rambling is as good a way to find out as any other.”

Virgil stood up, gently lift Patton into his arms with him. He looked up at Roman as Patton leaned his head into his chest. “What do you mean?”

“Logan’s room has been functional up until this point but since you’re going to stay, you need to have a space that’s all your own.” Roman smiled as he leaned back into Janus’ chest. “We've got temporary furnishings to get you by for now, but of course eventually we’ll get you something more to your taste.”

“You would do that for me?” Virgil whispered, feeling his voice quiver with emotion.

“Of course, Virgil.” Roman’s expression softened as Patton leaned on Virgil’s chest. “This is your home now. You need a space that belongs only to you.”

“Maybe, but—” Virgil took a small breath as Roman smiled at him reassuringly. “—but, like, personalizing it seems expensive. I wouldn’t want to put you out.”

“To be honest, Logan’s negotiation techniques are effective and the resources we tend to trade are bountiful.” Roman let out a soft snort, looking over at Janus as he rolled his eye. “Not all of us have Logan’s high taste, but his room is proof that he can get his hands on most anything for you.”

“Thank you.” Virgil whispered, unable to think of anything else to say as an unexpected warmth flooded his body.

“There’s no need to thank me or anyone else. The fact that we were going to make you comfortable was a given when you decided to stay.” Roman smiled patiently as Virgil ducked his head to hide the flush on his cheek as gratitude flooded his chest.  “Now, let's get this kid some food before he passes out on you.”

“S-sure. No problem.” Virgil nodded as Roman reached down n to pull Patton off where he'd laid his head on Virgil’s shoulder. The selkie edged past Virgil, followed shortly by Janus. Virgil rose to his feet and hesitantly turned to follow Roman and Janus as they moved to join Logan and Remus around the roaring fire his soulmates had managed to conjure up. Virgil took his time following. He reached his wrist to his eyes, wiping the tears from his eyes before following behind the selkies.

---

Everything seemed to blur around Virgil as he stepped out to join the family of selkies. He could feel tingling on his skin as the sounds of laughter filled the air and the light of the fire flickered on the walls of the cave. The smell of smoke was dampened as it vented out through the gaps of the edge of the waterfall.

Despite Virgil’s best effort, he could feel his energy draining as the selkies moved around him as they prepared the meal. Time seemed to pass slowly as they moved about their routine around him. He knew he should engage but as time passed their words slowly started to melt into the background of his mind. His skin prickled as he stepped back, watching as Logan tossed a bundle of herbs into the pot in which he was cooking as he conversed quietly with Janus.

A sad smile spread across his face as he gravitated towards the shadows, watching the family smile fondly as Patton climbed up to help Logan as he attempted to prepare some sort vegetable that Virgil didn’t recognize. The simple moments held a certain kind of beauty, but as he stood alone, he couldn’t banish the feeling of being disconnected from everyone else at bay. He leaned into the cave wall, so lost in thought that he nearly jumped out of his skin when a pair of arms wrapped around his waist.

“Why ya lurkin'?”

Virgil instantly relaxed at Remus' voice in his ear. He crossed his arms, subtly leaning back into Remus' chest. “I'm not lurking.”

“You’re creeping in the shadows, pretty boy.” Remus cooed quietly into Virgil’s ear. “That's lurkin' by definition.”

Virgil tensed, feeling heat rush to his cheeks as he dropped his eyes to the ground. “I didn’t mean to—”

“Hey—Relax, man. Creep to your heart's content.” Remus pulled him deeper into the shadows as he rested his head in the nook of Virgil’s shoulder. “It's a little overwhelming. Isn’t it?”

Virgil sighed as Remus’ deep voice resonated through his chest as the warmth of his arms soothed him. “It shouldn’t be. Everyone’s been more than nice about letting me stay here.”

“Ain’t nobody letting you do nothing, babe.” Remus chuckled, pulling Virgil down so he was almost curled in Remus' lap as they rested back among the rocks. “Everyone’s excited to have you here.”

“I—” Virgil tensed as Patton squealed in excitement from across the cave. His attention flitted about the room as the feeling of being detached returned to his body as he watched the happy smiles of the family of selkies. Remus' hand curled into his own as his anxiety peaked. He paused, looking up into Remus’ emerald eyes long enough to bring him back to his body enough and relax into Remus’ warmth. “—Thank you, Re.”

“You don't have to thank me for nothing.” Remus purred as Virgil relaxed back into him. “Shit sucks when you feel out of place, especially when you’re supposed to feel like you’re at home.”

“Fucking stupid is what it is." Virgil muttered as curled into Remus' shoulder, eliciting a chuckle from the man holding him. Virgil smirked up at Remus and his expression softened at the melancholy in the man’s expression as he smiled down at Virgil. “You know what it feels like then?”

“I know.” Remus purred at the surprise in Virgil’s voice. With a dramatic flourish, his hand came to rest on Virgil’s leg as he played up his apparent distress. “It’s difficult to imagine that anyone could resist my dazzling charm, but there’s no accounting for taste.”

Virgil snorted, blushing as Remus’ crooked grin beamed down at him. He chuckled as he shyly dropped his gaze, leaning into Remus' shoulder. “Sounds like their loss.”

Softness spread across Remus’ dramatics melted into a fond smile and firelight flickered in his eyes as he stared down at Virgil. “You surprise me, Virge. I thought for sure you’d take longer than Lolo to warm up to me.”

“What do you mean?”

“Poor bastard actually cried when we found out were soulmates.” Remus chuckled as Virgil’s eyes darted to Logan and back to Remus.

“What?” Virgil's grip tightened on Remus' hand and he started to sit up.

Remus shrugged, smiling down at Virgil as he gently eased him back. “In his defense, we were both only a little older than Patton when we found out, so we were both pretty freaked.”

“You were that young?” Virgil relaxed slightly as Remus' arm curled around the back of his neck.

“Our pods traveled the same waters. We ended up at the same beaches throughout the year.” Remus chuckled. “I actually thought he was a bit of a stick in the mud before I got to know him. Couldn’t take a joke to save his life.”

“Really?” Virgil stared over at Logan across the room, unable to imagine a Logan who was anything less than the sultry man whose unearthly amount of confidence was constantly testing his wit's end.

“Thought I was going to end up giving up my entire life for some prude.” Remus chuckled. “Never In my life would I have imagined that he'd be willing to leave his own pod, let alone that he'd be able to outmatch me on my own bullshit better even than Roman.”

Virgil blinked, turning back to Remus in confusion. “He left his pod?”

“Soulmates are kind of a big deal, especially among selkies. Don’t matter how young you are. Once you’re matched, you’re expected to stay with each other.” Remus sighed. “Most pairs come from the same pods, but since we came from different pods one of us had to give up the life we knew.”

“Seems pretty harsh.” Virgil muttered. “You were just kids. How can they ask that of you?”

“At the time, I thought it was total sea horse shit,” Remus growled as he reluctantly shrugged it off. “but I was glad to have had him around when I did. My own pod didn’t like me much but thanks to him, I always had someone outside of Roman.

Virgil frowned, resting a hand on Remus’ waist as he drew quieter. “I thought you said he was upset.”

“Not upset, just scared.” Remus whispered with a smile. “As if all the overwhelming feelings weren't enough, Lolo was made even more nervous by the fact that I had a bit of a reputation.”

“I'm sure you did—”

“Not like I do now,  Virge.” Remus cut him off abruptly, looking ashamed. “It wasn’t good.”

Virgil paused, surprised by Remus interruption.

“I was an angry kid. Ro was constantly bailing me out of brawls with my podmates.” Remus sighed, glancing over at Roman. “Hell, I can't even imagine if I didn’t have him in my corner. I give my brother a lot of shit, but he's always had my back when I needed him.”

“Why were you mad?”

“Felt out of place and lonely. People were drawn to Roman and repulsed by me.” Remus whispered. “I don’t care what anyone says. If a kid gets the idea in their that they’re not wanted, that shit messes ‘em up for life.”

“I know the feeling.” Virgil replied, quietly fidgeting with his sleeve.

“Gotta say though, my whole attitude changed when Lolo came around.” Remus whispered as a rosy blush spread across his face and he grinned down at Virgil. “God, he's so pretty. You know?”

Virgil smiled as he curled into Remus warmth watching his eyes light up as he talked about Logan.

“I was so scared he wouldn’t even like me. Might be the only time in my life I tried to dull myself down to impress someone.” Remus purred. “I was ready for another rejection but turns he was into all the same weird shit I was.”

“It's too soon for you to be dragging me into all your guys' kinky shit, Re.” Virgil teased, holding Remus'

“Fuck off.” Remus giggled.  “We were kids, you freak.”

Virgil's breath caught in his throat as Remus curled his face into his neck. He squirmed, wrapping his arms around Remus’ neck in an attempt to stop him from tickling his neck with his mustache.

Remus let out a long breath Virgil curled across his lap, hands wrapped around his neck. “I thought I was alone in the world and then I suddenly had a friend who was willing to swim to the bottom of the harbor to dig up the best worms or see how far we could swim under the ice. It was like goddamn magic.”

Virgil smiled, reaching a hand up to run his hand through Remus’ dark curls. “That's really sweet, Re.”

“It was easily the best thing to happen in my life until I met you.” Remus purred, grin widening as heat rushed to Virgil’s cheeks. ““I can tell this is going to be just as life-changing.”

“I didn’t know you were such a sap, Re.” Virgil dipped his head into Remus' chest, hoping the shadows might hide the bright red flush spreading across his face.

“Can't help it.” Remus smirked. “You’re cute when you blush.”

“Shut up.”

Remus hummed contentedly as Virgil retreated deeper into his chest. He smiled, placing a gentle kiss on Virgil’s temple. “How are you feeling now, stormcloud?”

“Better.” Virgil admitted quietly, realizing he'd lost his nervousness as he listened to Remus.

“Good.” Remus smiled. “You’re going to find your place here, but while you’re figuring it out, you can always fall back on me when everything gets a little too overwhelming.”

“The same goes for myself, Virgil.”

Virgil blinked. He looked up to see Logan lingering next to them, his back to the firelight as he stared down at them.

“If ever you are feeling uncertain or overwhelmed, I hope you know you can seek refuge with myself or Remus.” Logan smiled as he slipped down next to them. “While I hope you do continue to join our family gatherings, there is no pressure to do so all at once. Stepping back when you need to is important for your own well-being and that is always our first priority.”

“Thank you. Both of you.” Virgil whispered, feeling warmth rise in his chest as his soulmates stared down at him with gentleness in his eyes. “Both of you. I-I don’t even know what to say.”

“Then say nothing, love.” Logan whispered with a soft smile as he ran a hand through Virgil’s hair. “Your feelings are shared by us all.”

Virgil nodded quietly, feeling the warmth spread from his chest to the rest his body as Logan rose to his feet and offered him a hand up.

“Now, I do hope you are hungry, because dinner is ready and everyone would like to see more of you.” Logan whispered, intertwining his fingers with Virgil’s. “if you are ready for that, of course.”

“I am.” Virgil’s heart jumped in in chest as his soulmates closed in on his sides. He'd never felt so relaxed they led him back to the campfire.

Roman was the first to look up as they approached. A gentle smile spread across his face as he looked up from the pot. “Sit anywhere you like, Virgil. I'll bring a dish to you.”

“Thank y—”

“No! Sit next to me!”

Virgil smiled as Patton jumped up to clear the spot next to him.

“Patton—There's no need to be so demanding.” Janus chided him softly.

Patton stopped, his small body leaned on the rocks for a moment as he considered Janus' words. After a brief moment, he quickly turned back to Virgil with a wide smile. “Pretty please will you sit with me?”

Virgil smiled at the kid’s enthusiasm, stuffing his hands into his pockets as he dropped down next to the kid. “Well, how can I say no to such a polite request?”

He could see Janus roll his eyes as the kid squealed and scooted over to him. His eyes lingered for a moment as Patton curled his fingers around Virgil’s hand.

“Have you picked a room yet, Vee?” Patton asked, leaning into his shoulder.

Virgil chuckled, as the kid’s eyes sparkled up at him. “Not yet, Pat. I haven’t had a chance to look around yet.”

“I think you should have the room next to mine.” Patton suggested proudly.

“That is certainly an option if you would never like to sleep again, Virgil.”  Janus turned his gaze from the empty air around them back to Virgil with a smirk.

Virgil chuckled as Janus’ sarcasm didn’t seem to register in Patton’s mind as he looked eagerly up at Virgil. “I'm not sure, kiddo. I might have to see a few places first.”

“I can show you tomorrow.” Patton shouted gleefully. “I know all the best ones.”

“Sounds great, Pat.” Virgil smiled quietly. “but I don't think it's up to me if we can do that.”

“That's perfectly fine if that's what you want to do, Virgil.”

Virgil turned up his head, surprised to see Roman above him, hand extended as he offered Virgil a bowl. He hesitantly let go of Patton’s hand to take the bowl of soup from Roman, glancing cautiously at the faces around him.

“Of course, I do think that someone should accompany you both since you are unfamiliar with the tunnels, Virgil,” Roman smiled at his blank expression as he continued. “but I see no reason why that cannot be arranged.”

“I would be more than happy to accompany Virgil and Patton tomorrow.” Logan offered, dropping down next to him as Roman offered him a bowl. “I believe it would be wise anyway to have the input if someone whose familiar with each to point out potential cons as you choose your new living space.”

“Very well, but Patton will be your responsibility, Lo.” Roman continued, absently handing out bowls of food as he went. “It's not fair to place that expectation on Virgil until he’s settled in a bit more, especially when Patton has a habit of wandering off on his own."

“Of course. I do not mind the resp—"

“Really?” Virgil finally sputtered out. “You’re actually going to let me take the kid out tomorrow?”

Roman paused as Virgil’s timid voice broke his concentration and he turned back to face him. Guilt seemed to flash across his face as Virgil stared up at him in disbelief. “Of course, Virgil. Your restrictions have been lifted. We discussed this already.”

“I know—” Virgil whispered quietly, heat rising in his face as all the eyes in the room turned to him.  “I guess I assumed the kid was an exception.”

Roman’s eyes softened as Virgil ducked his head down, running a hand through his hair. “No exceptions, Virgil. You’re part of our family now.”

Virgil’s mouth hung agape as he glanced around the warm expressions of the faces around him. He blinked, absently wrapping an arm around Patton as the kid leaned into his side.

“There are no more tests, love.” Logan whispered, curling an arm around his waist from beside him as he placed a gentle kiss on Virgil’s temple. “You can breathe now.”

Virgil nodded at Logan in apparent shock. He swallowed glancing around at the others as they nodded their own affirmations and turned back to their own conversations, leaving him to ponder the new information. A warmth welled in his chest as he settled in to the subtle contact of Logan and Patton on each side of him and slowly, a smile spread across his face as he brought a spoonful of the savory soup to his lips, listening to the family of selkies as their excited voices filled the air around him.

Somehow the sound of their voices around him wasn't so overwhelming anymore. The feelings of anxiety he'd had seemed to fade to the back of his mind as the hours the night began to pass him by, filled by the sounds of stories of his new family. A warm feeling of gratitude filled his chest that Logan had insisted on him coming out. He relaxed into Logan's shoulder, feeling the warmth of the warmth of the fire as he learned more about the wonderful people who had welcomed him into their home and he was happy.

---

General Taglist:

@somehow-i-got-an-account @justanotherhumanstuff @im-an-anxious-wreck

The Stowaway's Heart

@alias290 @lonelyanxiousbean @kieraelieson @evoodo123 @dndnerd1609 @lovesupernova25 @minninugget @trainwreckwithlimbs @ace-in-a-shopping-cart @the-spiral-sun @rachetssearch @twilight--trix @evelyn-nova @sluggerbot-2-5 @arsenicdragon @so-what-if-im-crazy@slutty-cinnamon-roll @inferiorfilth @bluerosesbleedred @maybedefinitely404 @deathdarknessdevils @itawalrus @judyismydog @im-actually-ok @romano-hottopic @monkeythefander @hope340 @dwbh888

[sepublic]

Barrel’s Warhammer!

           YYYYOOOOOO SASHA!!!!

           She really is the epitome, the pinnacle, of gaslight, gatekeep, girlboss! I love Sasha, she’s such an utter mess, morally ambiguous and then downright terrible in so many ways, and genuinely unhinged in just as many! She’s a freaking riot and SUCH an amazing character, y’all!

           In general, I adore how Toads are handled in this show! Yeah, they’re big and brutish and used as thugs… But the show still clearly portrays them as people, and some of them are terrible like Bog, but others are just trying to live their lives, like Percy and Braddock! And how they’re all clearly working with this ascribed role as Andrias’ enforcers and iron fist across Amphibia, how they’re encouraged to be cruel brutes… But they’re still people and they’re still oppressed, which is why Grime is leading his rebellion! Good for him, good for THEM!

           Also… GRIMMITY?!?! Beatrix?! Grime LORE! I like how Beatrix and Grime have blind eyes on opposite sides, and Sasha roasting Bufo by naturally connecting his name to Buffoon, WONDERFUL! Aldo’s also a legendary, killer design, he reminds me of VLD Zarkon, old and decrepit and fanged and clearly has seen a LOT of stuff, a real warrior of his time… Honestly, getting a look into the Toads and THEIR complicated role in this story, as the ‘bad guys’ but not really, there’s more to them; It’s such a fit to Sasha’s character, and I LOVE how she’s such an utter brute for someone who normally seems accustomed to using honey over vinegar to attract flies (to feed her Toads)! She’s nuts, she’s great.

           I love the explanation for the eye symbol, I love Sasha really getting to appreciate Percy and Braddock, and for a moment I thought she really was learning her lesson… When she gave them an out, I thought maybe she took what happened with Anne to heart, but now…! Maybe this is what she’s always done; Made empty promises. God, I love this little arc for her character, how she wants to be a good friend, but she keeps valuing power and control over all else…

           AND HER RAGE! HER JEALOUSY! At Anne and Marcy being with each other, leaving her out, Sasha’s mind jumping to all of the worst conclusions, and how THAT anger is what unlocks her gem power, not heroism or anything else! Sasha’s such a complex and messed-up character but you can’t help but root for her, she really IS a Problematic Fave! God, with how she’s going to meet Anne in a volcano, and the whole “Sasha is Anakin and Anne is Obi-Wan” just WRITES itself, with Sasha angrily accusing Anne of turning Marcy against her, Anne retorting that Sasha did that herself, etc.!

           God Sasha’s such a complicated mess and ball of unresolved emotions and contradictions, denial that’s insisting everything’s fine when it’s really not… She’s a manipulator who prefers to be hands-off, yet is also somehow the raw brute with unthinking, unyielding strength! She’s utterly terrifying, no wonder all of the Toads are in awe of her ferocity and power!

           Also, I like how Barrel’s Warhammer was included; At first I wondered WHY the Narwhal Worm would guard the weapon used by the Toad who fought it, but as we can clearly see… Barrel must’ve conked it out BADLY with his Warhammer, knocking it out, and the hammer has been stuck since! And once more, the hammer has been slammed into the worm… And in general, I love seeing the Toads just ROOT around Sasha and Grime, I love seeing villainous characters get to go feral and unhinged as you root for them, as THEY rise up and fight against all odds as the underdogs!

           Percy and Braddock and the gag with the kawaii poses was great, but it’s also sad to see them go! They’re definitely a wake-up call for Sasha and I like it, I wonder if you could parallel them, one-by-one, to Anne and Marcy respectively? Perhaps Anne and Marcy were initially not taken seriously by Sasha at first, but ultimately she DID grow to care for them and not just as ‘tools’, who knows? With Anne and Percy and Braddock, I think Sasha’s going to have to reconsider things… And GRIME, how he just sort of accepts that, yeah, you gotta lose people to achieve a goal! I could see him being a bad influence to Sasha, unintentionally- Like her, he means well, they’re really great parallels to one another!

           Like, Sasha and Grime are both brutes, power-hungry, and wanting control, but Sasha prefers subtlety and manipulation, appeals to both her and others’ emotions, while Grime prefers to be raw and unthinking strength, he’s a seasoned veteran from combat, while Sasha is likely a rich kid, young and learning… They’re such a dynamic duo with a lot to teach one another! Maybe Grime sees himself in Sasha; Himself when HE was a kid… Maybe when he was a gladiator, he had friends but left them behind to be promoted to Captain? I wonder if Beatrix has anything to say on this, too…

           Could Beatrix provide insight to Grimmity? Did Grime leave her behind in a sense…? Does SASHA have a sibling, and that leads to her weird power complex, as another parallel to Grime! Either way it’s sweet, I adore the dynamic of two horrible people who are good friends and bad, enabling influences to each other… Being problematic faves, you can’t help but cringe at their mistakes but also cheer as they win as underdogs and turn the tables on their enemies! I like how Sasha is still supportive of Grime and vice-versa, Grime’s guiding this kid, but Sasha’s fully supporting Grime as the de-facto leader and backing him up, not trying to seize control!

           I think it really parallels Anne, how she just wanted to get back home… But somewhere along the way, she realizes how much she loves and enjoys this, and values her friend! And maybe it could lead to Sasha not wanting to head back home after all, especially if there’s nothing there for her; Which could play into her keeping all of her gem powers as she opposes Andrias openly, while Anne has some of her power because again, she’s more neutral, and then Marcy has none because she’s fully bought into the Newt King’s schtick!

           Also, it’s funny that Sasha is no doubt feeling betrayed, like her trust has been jeopardized by Anne and Marcy, considering she did the same to Anne in Reunion! Lying to her about what she intended to do with the Frogs… It’s wonderfully hypocritical and this kid does NOT want self-awareness, she’ll toy with it for a bit, but then immediately backpedal! Get better and well Sasha, for everyone’s sake… The confrontation and paranoia as she loses her friends and only has Grime, who means well but isn’t so great himself, is also nice!

           Honestly, there’s even a parallel to the idea of Sasha meaning well, only to be ruined by her own toxicity… And Grime wanting a better life for Toads in his revolution, but still allowing a hierarchy to exist by the end of the day, instead of abolishing it for all! They both have good ideas and initiative, but it’s ruined by Sasha and Grime not backing down on certain things and not listening to others, being SO sure they’re right… Very compelling stuff. Now I’m starting to wonder if Sasha will be open to Anne about her suspicions, if they WILL get along for the Third Temple…

           …Or if she’ll try to manipulate and fool her again, thinking that SHE’s been betrayed herself! And maybe Sasha will realize her faults in the battle of Newtopia, only for it to be too late, Anne has been too betrayed, Sasha has only herself (and, well, Andrias) to blame! In the meantime, as Sasha no doubt embraces her role as a rebel, but also unknowingly as a hero against Andrias and his master… I can see her tapping more into her gem powers and actually using them as part of her rage, hence the shots we see from the Third Temple! She’s going to be terrifying, y’all, and even more of a match for Yunnan at this point… And Anne, poor Anne’s going to be caught between TWO toxic friends!

           Both mean well, but both have other bad points… And it just means Anne’s gonna have to forge her own path, make her own decisions and group and faction, be her own person and take initiative once more! But it’s also gonna be lonely and could contribute to more trust issues along the way… And maybe she’ll think she can only trust herself, only do things on her own, and how this might pair badly with her selfless martyr-complex. We’ll have to wait and see, though… We’ll have to wait and see.

[khaleesiofalicante]

Okay so random rant please feel free to ignore I'm making a bug deal out of nothing I'm just overthinking and need to put my thoughts somewhere lol

My high-school recently mentioned that students have an opportunity to do the Duke of Edinburgh award and I think I want to do it because it looks like a great opportunity and i think it would really help me get into uni

But, it's basically in honor of prince Phillip and I'm worried about how one of best friends is going to react if I mention that

He's really political in a "fork capitalism, billionaires, and the royal family" kind of way where I'm more "I would like to exist without getting killed also ,human decency and respect, society needs to learn that"

I'm worried he's going to get upset or say that I'm supporting the royal family or something if I decide to try to get the award

I mean I'm taking business in high school right now and whenever I mention it he makes a "(my name) is a capitalist" joke which was funny the first few times but is now just annoying. Plus when I asked them if they want to join our high-school business club with me he said he didn't think he could morally join a buisness club. Also when I jokingly mentioned that maybe I should just get a buisness degree because I'm getting good grades in business he told me that he didn't know if he could still morally be friends with me if I got a buissnes degree (okay that's not really relevant at all its just still bothering me I mean I was joking cause I want to be a doctor but ahhhh does he really think tgat everyone with a business degree is some billionaire capitalist?? Or realize that small buissness owners and literally every service he uses has to do with buisness too?? And if we want soemthing to change someone in the system needs to start making change?? I'm know capitalism js bad and I hate it too but aughh)

Anyways am I just being an a hole and should I not try to get the award or is that morally okay?

((Oh yes very sorry for bothering you, and good job on the lbaf I made my friend read and now thy are crying, in a good way. Here take a flower🌼))

Hi!

Your friend sounds like a dick (judgemental). So, like, ask him to calm tf down.

You can be against capitalism and hate the monopoly of economic power and still be a part of that system that contributes to it because you don't have a choice (especially because you lack the social/institutional power) - that's like the whole fucking point.

Noteveryone who enjoys/studies/works in business are assholes. There is a difference between passion and exploitation.

People are 100% allowed to have their own beliefs/values about society. But there is a difference between advocacy and judgement. Your friend seems to be dipping more into the latter. So, like, point that out maybe.

I think this is a personal decision. It's completely up to you (not to me - definitely not your friend)

Just remember it's YOUR future. And your future is very important.

Also - if it were me, I'd take it. The fact that I get an award or scholarship from some institution I hate does not necessarily mean I support it. Of course, one can feel that way. TOTALLY VALID.

But my approach to this is - take their money or whatever they offer, keep taking shit from these people, exploit the fuck out of them and just have fun.

I'm not a big fan of certain organisations and charities either. But I do work with them (because even tho the donors are assholes and capitalists, the work I DO is important and I know it makes a difference to the people I work with). I also charge these organisations insane amounts and I take pleasure in that :)

I understand your hesitation tho. There are people I would never work with no matter how much they will pay me (because they are just that awful). So, like, it's a line. There are assholes you tolerate and will work with and be associated with (cause that's life) and there are people you will never wanted to be associated with. You need to decide where your line is. You can get this award if you think that's okay. It's up to you. But don't let other people decide. If you think this will help your future/education, then go for it. You want to be a doctor and help people, no? So, don't let these judgemental lil shits hold you back.

ALSO - Ask your friend what HE is doing to bring down capitalism.

Bye! Thanks for the flower!

[jenniferstolzer]

Babylon 5 rewatch Episode 2.22: The Fall of Night

Babylon 5 is at the center of not one but three conflicts as John Sheridan agrees to shelter a wounded Narn cruiser. The Centauri don’t like this. Earth doesn’t like this. The Shadows don’t like this. But Sheridan has a strong moral compass and what he doesn’t like is how much the institutions around him are willing to sacrifice in the name of forging some kind of cursory peace.

Things I liked about The Fall of Nighit

1, Lennier and Vir’s friendship. If you ask me Vir, could be friends with literally anyone. He’s such an understanding soul. Lennier is by nature a little judgey. More closed off. So when they sit down next to each other and discover how much they have in common both of them look at each other like “hello what” and automatically agree to meet again. But even this exchange is done almost like spies meeting and I don’t think we stop to think about that very often. These are the attaches of two ambassadors for two of the most powerful races in the galaxy… they could very well be exchanging state secrets instead of expressing solidarity for their equally frustrating jobs.

2,  The Centauri are apparently willing to put their ships on autopilot and black out from g forces if it means when they come to they’ll be in a better firing position. This seems extremely reckless and VERY Centauri. It is the spacebattle equivalent of the hair. Big. Flashy. Not well thought through.

3, In the wake of the mass driver bombing, Sheridan gives Londo an opportunity to speak and Londo is like “NOPE” and jets before he says something that’s going to get him and his whole race in more trouble than they already are. Garibaldi then reads Londo like a literal book, delivering one of my favorite analyses of the character. Everyone thought Londo was a clown, indulging in opulence, going into debt at the casino, drinking himself to a stupor in public, but Garibaldi was his friend and knows that Londo’s not dumb, he’s actually very smart and his mind moves really fast. His error is in his judgment and priorities and he’s currently in waters he did not expect to tread. He’s scared, and he’s going to keep darting in and out of cover until he feels like he has a handle on things or he gets picked off by a hunter, whichever comes first. Also a very classic JMS line “He’s a pain in the butt, but he’s our pain in the butt.” Hunt for that or similar lines in other JMS stuff, he loves that line.

4, The ache of watching McCarthysim at work is very effective. Zach knows the guys he’s ratting on don’t deserve to be ratted on and even says so. “They’re just fooling around” but we can tell by the level of interest and tone of the Nightwatch captian’s voice that they’re gonna get blackballed. Zach can’t deny that they said what they said, but can tell that ratting them out is the wrong thing to do. In the end he relents with a bunch of qualifications but the Nightwatch doesn’t want qualifications. They want names. Thank you for your service.

5, I love that the guy there to ally with the Centauri is from the Ministry of Peace. So poignant. They’ll get peace all right, by paying off the aggressors.  

6, When the Narn ship was coming under threat by the Centauri warship, Sheridan opened a line to Londo just to spit in his face and hang up. It was amazing. Also during this crisis, Sheridan whips out a law book to smack the Nightwatch guy back in his hole. Sinclair would be proud.

7, Watching B5 come under attack is so emotionally stirring. Even on a rewatch, I don’t want to see it hurt.

8, We have arrived! The scene where Kosh reveals himself. I love that G’Kar is hiding in the plants – like he’s not a huge gecko man who people are going to notice. I also love how plaintiff his voice is, thinking if he speaks on Sheridan’s behalf it’ll help him in the political shitshow he’s currently in. I mean he’s issuing this apology for helping a Narn ship and G’Kar is very very very grateful for that. Also B5 blew up a Centauri warship so he’s pretty grateful for that too, I mean come on… I like that B5 has like a standard subway system in the middle of it and that they let the Puppet Friends ride. I miss the puppet friends. I love that the rotational gravity system means there’s a weightless portion in the center of hydroponics and that we used that to our advantage in this story. Also the vorlons in their native form play on the perception of the lesser races. They are light beings, and humans see them as angels. The rest of the races see them as prophets or gods, but none of these perceptions are perfect. We see wings and white robes and think Angel, but Kosh didn’t appear like a rennaissance painting. He’s got a butterfly look to him, too. The face he wears is a facsimile of a human not an exact human. He’s not perfect, we’re just in awe. Love that.

9 And finally a lot has been said about why Londo doesn’t see anything when Kosh appears. He’s been touched by the Shadows, so he can’t be converted by the Vorlons b/c we’re playing a game of Othello today I guess. Maybe because he doesn’t actually believe in his pantheon of gods so he doesn’t have any deities to witness. Maybe he’s lying because what he saw was his own greed and vanity. The general consensus is the first – that he’s incapable of seeing the light because he’s in the dark. For a fresh take on it, let’s look at the Vorlons through this lens. Kosh said before that if he revealed himself everyone would know him… I take this as being a side effect of being Vorlon. Vorlons are a feeling not an image. Like Magenta. Magenta’s not a real color, it exists on the color wheel because something has to connect red and purple on the color spectrum… but the spectrum of visible light is actually a straight line. The wavelengths for red and purple are far from touching, but our brains can perceive when they’re both present, so Magenta occurs. It’s imaginary, but we see it for real with our eyes. That’s Vorlons. Perhaps Londo saw a shapeless light thing in the sky, perhaps that’s what Vorlons really are… or perhaps they have no visible representation at all until they hit our brains. Our eyeballs behold something, but our brains have to construct it out of pieces. When the rest of the galaxy looked at Kosh they used the color wheel to construct him, but Londo was only given the wavelengths. He saw nothing, because nothing was there to see. I really wish there was another Centauri there to be like “I saw the goddess Li welcoming me to her arms!” and Londo’s over there like “I’m the problem” instead of not really answering that question. Maybe it’s answered in season 3, I don’t know. Did Vir see anyone up there? He must have been on break.

What I like Less about 22

1, So here’s where I’m going to talk about Keffer. I know the origin story…. that he was an unwelcome addition to the cast added per network request, but who the hell is he other than that? I think its remarkable how he slips right out of my head the minute he is off camera. We know he’s a pilot, that he was close to Carlos (whose story/death you may recall I was laughing at in a previous episode because its significance ALSO came out of nowhere), and that he made friends with the GROPOS grunts (who we incidentally learned to care about enough in that one episode that we were sad when they died…. Awkward considering Keffer’s contribution to this episode…) Honestly the most interesting thing about him is that he’s got an old-timey fighter pilot scarf he wears and he believes in ghosts and I bet you all forgot about the ghosts. Honestly, the most interesting thing about Keffer is how he’s a lesson in how not to write an interesting character – and no shade on JMS for that, I know he did it on purpose. Significant things happening to a character does not automatically make them a strong character. Keffer experienced loss, came face to face with the shadows, got in fights… a lot of stuff happened to him, but he was almost always the only named character in those scenes. We cared about the GROPOS because they cared about each other and we responded to that. Keffer was there to play cabbage head and ask questions. He’s not tight with any of our main cast who we’ve had tons more time to grow attached to, and dies for plot reasons without leaving an impact with his loss. Heck, you can see the value of interpersonal relationships on character development in action when the show used a shoehorn to try and force some in in context to Carlos a second and a half before he died. We had him drinking at the bar with command staff suddenly, we had him die as a result of a flight mission Sheridan was part of to make Sheridan feel guilty about it. Everyone was standing around going like “No, Not Ramirez” and if you recall on my previous episode writeup I was LAUGHING at how tortured this sudden human connection was. Keffer could have been made interesting. Follow me on this.

My treatment on how to make Keffer interesting:

Let’s say Keffer was introduced as an old friend of one of our characters – Fraknlin let’s say. He was a friend from the Minbari War days that helped him sneak behind enemy lines. Perhaps he was complicit in the covering up and destruction of Franklin’s notes on Minbari anatomy. As a result, the two hang out in medbay sometimes, talking about old times and comparing the current war to the one they fought together. We learn that Keffer has a fire for justice. Hates bullies. Sees the strong as absolute defenders of the weak and that any stronger race picking on a weaker one is a bigger coward than the unvierse can hold. Then when Carlos gets killed by the ghost he starts researching what it could be. Kosh and Delenn tell him to stay out of it. The audience assumes he’s going to uncover something and bring Franklin and other characters into Delenn and Sheridan’s confidence about the shadows through curiosity and honor, but we’re learning through the episodes that the Shadows are IMMENSELY powerful and have no patience for flies. When he breaks off from his squad to go have a looksee at what he suspects led to his personal friend Carlos’s death, we know this is going to kill him. He ignores the warnings of those who have more awareness and dies to bring back evidence of the Shadows to the station. Sheridan recognizes how Keffer’s curiosity and sense of judgment led to recklessness, something Sheridan himself is prone to. He vows not to let Keffer die in vain, but also states that the proof he got has changed everything… and that Sheridan would have done the same. Killing your men in the name of a mission is never the goal but there’s a line everyone crosses when the safety of the universe is at stake and sometimes things are worth dying for. Franklin walks into medbay, casts a look to the counter where Keffer used to sit all those nights, and turns away.

But that’s not what happen. Keffer’s dead now and I don’t miss him. Glad he emailed the Shadows to ISN five nanoseconds before he died.

Babylon 5 is now the last best hope for victory because sometimes peace is another word for surrender and because secrets have a way of getting out. On to season 3!

[slytherinbarnes]

Sub Rosa [52]

vii. gimme shelter

Pairing: Bellamy Blake x reader

Word Count: 6.0k

Warnings: a few mentions of blood, fighting, violence, reference to past assualt/Shumway, angst, mentions of death. 

Summary: you arrive on Becca’s Island, and reunions are had, exploring is done. as you and Clarke wind down from your long journey, a break in occurs, creating chaos within the mansion.

a/n: the taglist for this series is open! I hope you enjoy, please let me know what you think!!!

previous chapter // season masterlist // series masterlist

March 20th, 2150; Becca’s Island

As soon as the boat reaches the shoreline, Roan volunteers to stay behind with Miller and unload the fuel, so that Jackson can lead you to your mother. You and Clarke agree with the plan, looking forward to seeing her for the first time in a few days. Though, with the events of the last few days, it has felt more like lifetimes. Jackson leads you from the shoreline through a densely wooded path, keeping up light conversation the entire time, before ushering the two of you into a lab unlike anything you could ever have imagined. “This is Becca's main research lab, but there are 5 other levels.”

You look around in awe, at the dozens of screens and computers, all types of equipment, chemicals, tubes, and beakers, all brightly lit and situated at the bottom of a flight of stairs. As Jackson leads you to the railing alongside the stairs, giving you a view of everything, your mouth drops open in shock, and Clarke whispers, “Incredible.”

The word carries through the room, reaching a figure who is standing at one of the computer screens, staring at whatever is displayed there. They turn around at the sound of Clarke’s voice, your mother, grinning up at both of you. You and Clarke smile back, and Clarke leads the way down the stairs. Your mom pulls both of you into a hug as soon as you’re close enough. Up above, Jackson makes an excuse about checking on Luna, giving the three of you the privacy to catch up. 

When she pulls away from you, her eyes fall to your shirt first, still covered in Seiku’s blood. You got most of his blood off you with the water from the ocean, but it has stained your shirt, ruining it beyond repair. Her eyes widen in alarm, and you can see her already searching for wounds, but you shake your head. “It’s not mine. It was Seiku’s, one of Roan’s guards who saved both of our lives.”

She sags in relief, before looking between the two of you, a small smile on her face. “Then I’m grateful to him.”

She looks around, realizing that no one else has followed, before asking, “Speaking of, where is Roan?”

“Unloading the fuel with the others.” Clarke looks at your mom, her expression dropping as the weight of the day’s events start to weigh on her. “We just needed to see our mom.”

Your mom pulls you both in for another hug, offering you the kind of comfort that could only ever come from someone who raised you. You smile, drawing in the comfort, until your eyes fall on the screen behind her, the one she was staring at when you came in. It’s a scan of a brain, and you pull away, booking at it in confusion. “What is that?”

Your mom glances back at it, her face falling. “A scan of Raven’s brain. She’s been having seizures, and she just had another one right after she heard the news about the fuel.”

The news tugs at something in your brain, taking you back to Niylah's trading post in the middle of a war with an AI. Sinclair stop, the EMP will give me brain damage! You feel a wave of nausea knowing that you contributed to this. In a misguided attempt to save her, you ruined your friend’s brain, the thing she values the most. Clarke pulls you out of your head when she points at a gray spot on the brain scan, “Is that-”

Your mom cuts her off, “An ischemic stroke.”

Clarke looks slightly hopeful, “Well, that means it can heal, right?”

“Yes, as long as she takes it easy, she'll recover.”

A realization hits you like a freight train. You used the EMP on your mom too. You look at her, eyeing her closely, “How are you feeling?”

“I'm fine.”

She smiles and then walks away, but you and Clarke aren't so easily convinced. “When was the last time you slept?”

She doesn't look at Clarke when she answers her question, just peers into a microscope at a sample pressed between the plates. “Oh, I'll sleep soon enough, one way or another.”

“What is that?”

“It's bone marrow. Luna's. A theory that Jackson and I agreed should remain untested.”

You shake your head, not understanding. “What theory?”

“We can't create Nightblood unless we go to space, but Luna can. Theoretically, we can inject ourselves with her bone marrow.”

Just like Mount Weather. You shudder, thinking of the mountain from hell, but no one seems to notice, too wrapped up in the theory. “Then we become Nightbloods. Will it work?”

“I think so.”

Your confusion persists, “Then why'd you take it off the table?”

“Because the only way to know if it works is to test it, and that would mean…”

Clarke answers her first, understanding instantly. “Exposing someone to radiation.”

You think that’s the end of the conversation, but then Clarke adds, “Can we do that here?”

“Yes. Becca was trying to find a cure for cancer using this radiation chamber.” Your mom nods her head at the well lit chamber behind her. “But, we would have to expose a human being to enough radiation that would implode every single cell in their body. That's what's coming for us.”

Clarke nods her head, understanding, but you shake yours, not liking this discussion. Your twin argues, “I know that, but we have no choice.”

Your mom shakes her head, “No, we have to make a choice.”

You nod your head, this time understanding the choice before Clarke does. “Which is: Who do we test?”

The conversation is cut short by Jackson calling out, “Emori, hey.”

You all turn as if you've been caught doing something bad, looking up to the landing of the stairs to see Emori, Murphy's girlfriend, looking down at you. “I'm heading up to the house. Does anyone want anything while I'm up there?”

“No, we're fine, thanks.” But then your mom glances at you and Clarke and calls out, “Emori, hold on.”

She looks at both of you with a smile. “You should both go with her.”

You’re in no position to argue, exhausted from the day, and eager to get out of your bloody shirt. Clarke however, disagrees. “No, we just got here. I want to be here with you and help.”

“There is nothing for you to help me with right now. It'll be 5 hours before the samples are even ready to be tested.” Clarke sighs, knowing she can't argue with that news. “Go, take a shower, and we'll figure this out when you get back.”

She nods and you take her hand, practically dragging her up the stairs, eager to get inside and take a shower. Emori stands at the top, waiting for you, and as she leads you towards the door, Jackson calls out, “I'll lower the drones.”

Emori guides you through the dark woods easily, the path familiar to her, making casual conversation as she goes. “Raven says the black rain will be here soon.”

Clarke swings her flashlight off the path, towards your guide. “Raven's right. I used to love the rain, now it terrifies me.”

“I would have thought nothing terrified you.”

You and Clarke exchange a look, and Clarke asks, “Did I say something wrong?”

“No. I just...hate this island, that's all.”

You nod your head, understanding instantly what that’s like, considering your hatred for Mount Weather. Clarke, who has maintained more radio calls with your mother, continues the conversation. “Murphy said you used to work here. Is that right?”

“Something like that.”

“Scavenging tech for Alie?” Emori turns and gives Clarke a look, who instantly apologizes. “I'm sorry, too many questions.”

“Ignore me.” Emori’s gaze softens as she looks back at the two of you. “I'm just upset that our mission here has failed. Hopefully your mother will come up with another way, always so willing to do anything to save her people. Skaikru's lucky to have her.”

Clarke shakes her head. “We're not just doing this for Skaikru.”

Emori holds out an arm, stopping you from walking any further as you reach the edge of the treeline. She lifts her radio, “We're at the treeline, coming in.”

“Copy that, drones down. You're good to go.”

She leads you through the trees and into a large lawn that stretches out in front of the largest house that you've ever seen in your entire life. Not that you've seen many houses, but it seems larger than any picture of houses that you've looked at before. The lawn eventually reaches a patio, with a large pool, connected to a hot tub. You look at it in awe, marveling at the stone detailing around the edge. The patio is well let, surrounded by neatly trimmed hedges and marble stairs that lead up towards the back door. The back door itself is glass, along with the whole back window, allowing you a peek into the house. Emori slides the door open, letting the sound of loud music out of the house and to you. You step into a living room, surrounded by white furniture, which opens up right into the large kitchen. Inside the kitchen itself, Murphy dances from one counter to the next, cooking up something to eat. 

You and Clarke exchange amused expressions, and you smile a little, not used to this side of everyone's favorite cockroach. As you get closer, you joke, “You can cook?”

He hums in acknowledgment of your joke, nodding his head as he peers down at a cookbook laid out in front of him. Clarke adopts the same amused tone when she quips, “You can read?”

He looks up from the book, turning to smile at both of you. “Yeah, I know what you're thinking, Disaster Twins. Why are all the good ones taken, right?”

You snort and Clarke scoffs, both of you rolling your eyes at him, and Emori looks at her boyfriend in adoration. “A good randzi is rare. John would be celebrated by any clan.”

It takes you a second to remember that randzi means cook, but when you do, you roll your eyes all over again. “Yeah, he's a real catch.”

Murphy pulls a spoon out and dips it into the dish, holding it out towards you, hand cupped underneath, looking expectant. You eye it warily, a little distrustful, but the smell wafting towards you is good enough to make you want to take a bite. You lean down and take a tentative bite, chewing slowly, waiting for the taste of poison, only to be pleasantly surprised by the explosion of flavors on your tongue. You look at him in awe, “Oh, my God.”

Murphy smiles in an “aha” sort of way, pleased to have gotten that reaction out of you. He turns and tosses the spoon into the sink, and sweeps Emori into his arms, leaning down slightly so she can whisper in his ear. You and Clarke exchange an awkward look, feeling like you're intruding, before she mutters, “We’re gonna go get cleaned up.”

“Yeah, let me show you where to go.” Murphy starts to step away from Emori to lead you there, but she cuts him off, pointing you in the right direction. “Upstairs. Down the hall.”

“Thanks.”

Clarke leads the way around the corner, down the hall to the massive staircase. You and Clarke move through the house with your mouths slightly dropped in awe, and you wish with your entire being that Bellamy was here to experience this with you. When you reach the top of the stairs, Clarke picks two rooms side by side, and you both look at each other for a minute before stepping into your respective rooms. When you flip on the light switch, it automatically activates the stone fireplace lined along the wall, making the room warmer in seconds. You welcome it, allowing it to chase away the chill that always seems to be settled within you. 

In the middle of the room are two armchairs, a table between them, and you drop your pack onto the nearest chair before proceeding deeper into the room. Along the wall on your left are mirrors, and upon closer inspection you realize they have handles, indicating that they're hiding something. You tug on the handles and reveal a huge closet, clothes stretching from either end, stuffed full. When you close the door, smiling in awe, you come face to face with your reflection, and you’re shocked by what you see. 

You didn’t clean Seiku’s blood off you nearly as well as you think you did, and mud and blood are streaked from your forehead down onto the skin that eventually disappears beneath your clothes. You're sure that if you were standing here naked, the grime would cover you from head to foot. There’s a variety of things caked into your hair, making you look wild and untamed. Blood covers almost every inch of your shirt that isn't hidden beneath your jacket, and you can now see why everyone was looking at you in alarm. There’s a small nick on your neck, situated just above the chain of your necklace, from Echo threatening you, along with a bruise on your cheek from the man that helped her take you captive. 

You turn away from the mirror, no longer wanting to see yourself, ignoring the rest of the room as you make a beeline for the bathroom connected to the bedroom. As soon as you're inside, you stand and stare at the shower in shock, the shower itself nearly as big as the entire room you share with Bellamy, and you get another wave of regret that he's not here to see this. You dig around in the cabinets, looking for a towel, and as you do, you discover something rare and precious: bath products. Soap in the Ark is made from mostly recycled materials, and doesn't have a particularly nice smell. It doesn’t stink by any means, but it also doesn't smell like...you hold up the bottle in your hand, peering at the label on the body wash, before reading out loud, “Tropical sunset delight.”

The shampoo and conditioner you find are both labeled coconut hazelnut dream, and the lotion is called creamy vanilla surprise. You smile as you hoard all the products, bringing them into the shower with you, along with a brush. It takes a second for you to figure out the controls of the shower, as it's entirely technology based, but as soon as you do, hot water shoots out from at least four different locations. You turn the water as hot as it can go, the water at Arkadia never anything better than lukewarm. You take your time, using several handfuls of the body wash and several techniques to scrub your skin until it is practically raw. Once you're sure all the mud and blood is gone, you get started on your hair. It takes a while for you to work out the knots and debris tangled within your strands, but you finally do, marveling at the soft feel of it as you wash the conditioner out. 

After your shower, you dry off and moisturize, before pulling on your pants and grabbing the rest of your clothes and boots. You fold your shirt and socks and stuff them into your pack, before grabbing a couple of shirts you can layer and wear as your new shirt. You also find a sock drawer, overflowing with options, and you pick one pair to wear daily, along with a thick pair you can wear on cold nights. Then you turn, surveying the room again, eyes landing on the bed in the middle of the room. You walk over to it and press a tentative hand into the mattress, marveling at the plush softness that envelops you. 

You smile and climb into the bed, fully intending to sleep for at least a few hours. But as soon as you’re in bed and comfortable, you are annoyed to find that you just can't sleep. You toss and turn for a few minutes, trying to figure out why sleep evades you, when you suddenly make the connection. You’re alone. You've shared a bed with Bellamy the last few months, and sleeping alone is now so foreign to you that you’re struggling to do it without him by your side. With a sigh you pull yourself out of the bed and into the hall, heading straight for Clarke's room. She looks up at you right as you lift your hand to knock, already motioning you inside before you can even ask to come in. 

She's already in the bed, also freshly showered, but appearing to struggle with sleep, the same as you. You both sense the restlessness in each other, and she pats the bed, motioning for you to crawl in beside her. You do, turning to face her as soon as you’re comfortable, smiling at the pretty face of your twin. She smiles back at you, and you both lay in silence for a minute or two, until Clarke whispers, “Do you think I’m a good leader?”

You think of the memory you dreamed about last night, and you ask, “Do you remember when you convinced me to take your place so that I could see the Ark?”

“Yeah, and you only lasted three minutes before mom caught on?”

You mock glare at her, but confirm, “Yes.”

You pause for a minute, letting her relive the memory, before you add, “I’ve been following you my entire life. You’re a natural born leader, inherited from both of our parents, making you a hybrid, amplified leader. You’re strong, and you care about others, which I’ve known since you were willing to give up a field trip just so I could see the Ark.”

“But you’re my twin.”

“Pulling a lever to save our people. Three times. Continuously sacrificing yourself to save others, making the hard decisions when others don't want to, but also continuing to stay in touch with your empathetic side. You're a great leader, Clarke.”

She sighs and nods, accepting the compliments with thanks, and you start to read the undertone in her statement. As you watch your twin, her mind running though a million things at once, you realize that the real question is: when can someone else lead in my place? Clarke has led all of you from the moment she landed on the ground, but realistically, she was leading even before that, back when the two of you were kids. She led groups in school, tried to lead with your dad when he wanted to go public with the news of the dying Ark, led the delinquents the second you landed on the ground. She led Camp Jaha as the adults fought over who was in charge, and led an army of Grounders with Lexa. She led behind the scenes while Pike thought he was in charge, led the mission to find Luna, and the mission to kill Alie and the City of Light. She led Arkadia while your mom and Kane stayed behind, and the more you think of it, the more you think that her only break may have been the three months she spent on her own. But even then, she was burdened by the consequences of leadership. 

Clarke Griffin, Wanheda, your starry twin, is tired. Exhausted. It’s written in the lines of her face, the sag of her shoulders, the bags under her eyes. And though you know you’ll never be able to stop her from being a leader, you vow to take more of the burden off her shoulders from here on out. 

Clarke yawns, confirming your suspicions, and you smile at her. “Get some sleep.”

She nods, and closes her eyes, and you watch her for a second as the stress starts to melt off of her, second by second. Satisfied that she's actually going to sleep, you close your eyes and follow suit, only for your eyes to fly open at the sound of clattering down the hall. The sound wakes Clarke too, both of you exchanging an annoyed look before getting out of bed. On the way to the door, your twin grabs her pistol from her pack, and you glare at her. “Where was that when Roan's guards tried to kill us?”

She shrugs, looking a little apologetic. “In my pack. In the rover.”

You give her an annoyed look, before following her down the hall as she creeps towards the sound. As it grows louder, she calls out, “Murphy? Murphy, is that you?”

The sound grows louder as you approach a door at the end of the hall, and you put your hand on Clarke's shoulder, letting her know you're still with her, as you follow her into the room. She flips on the light, revealing blinds on the other end of the room, that seem to move everytime the wind blows. You and Clarke move closer, and when you lift the blinds up, you see a hole in the window, red blood smeared around the edges, indicating someone smashed their way through and let themselves in. You hear a small sound behind you, and you and Clarke spin quickly, her gun lifted and ready to shoot.

Murphy stands in the doorway, and at the sight of the weapon, he lifts his hands in surrender, “Hey, hey, hey, hey, take it easy! Look, we need to talk.”

Clarke shushes him, “Quiet. There's someone here.”

He looks at both of you in alarm, and Clarke opens her mouth to relay a plan, but she is cut off by the sound of Emori yelling from downstairs, “John! John! John!”

Murphy rushes out of the room first, and you and Clarke scramble behind him, following him closely as he practically flies down the stairs and around the corner into the kitchen. There a man stands, trying to plunge a kitchen knife into Emori's neck, who is using every bit of strength she has to keep him from killing her. Murphy grabs the nearest weapon he can find, a cutting board, and whacks the man across the face, knocking him away from his girlfriend. Emori scrambles backwards on the floor towards you, and Clarke reaches out for her, “Are you okay? Can you stand?”

But Emori ignores the question, her eyes focused only on Murphy as he goes to deliver a killing blow, “Wait! He's mine.”

Emori tries to run at the man and attack him, but Murphy holds her back, despite her struggles. “Get off of me! If we don't kill him now, he will kill us.”

You give her a confused look. “You know him?”

Emori practically spits out the name, “Baylis.”

The name must mean something to Murphy, or he must know Emori’s story, because he stills, no longer holding her back as much as he was before. The man on the ground, Baylis, looks at Emori with a sneer. “She's lying, you don't know me.”

Emori tries to leap at the man again, and Murphy does his best to hold her back as she yells, “You said you'd kill me! Well, guess what, planhaka, I'm gonna kill you.”

Baylis tries to stand, but Clarke lifts her gun towards him. “Hey, hey, hey, don't move.”

“Just let me go. I'll leave the food, and you never have to see me again.”

You turn to Emori, “Is he alone?”

“Not usually. Where are the others?” 

Murphy releases her, allowing her to walk closer to the man, glaring down at him as he replies, “I don't know who the hell you think-”

She cuts him off with a swift kick to the head, knocking him out, and as his body hits the ground, she continues to kick him. Clarke, growing anxious, yells out, “Emori!”

She spins around, blood dripping from a cut on her head, running into her mouth and covering her teeth. She gives your twin a bloody sneer. “You don't know what he did to me.”

“No, and you can tell me about it, but please, Emori, if he's not alone, we need to know now.” Clarke turns to Murphy, passing him her gun, “Here, Murphy, take my gun. Now tie him up.”

She looks at you, silently asking if you’ll stay with Murphy and the prisoner, and you nod in agreement. Her eyes move back to the injured woman, “There's a medicine cabinet upstairs, can I fix this?”

Emori hesitates, looking back at the knocked out man on the floor, but Clarke reassures her, “They won't let him go anywhere. Will you?”

Murphy shakes his head as he walks by them, moving to the appliances to yank out their cords for binds. “Not a chance, we're gonna have some fun.”

“Fine, tie him up. But when he's done talking, the kill is mine.”

Murphy tosses you one of the cords, and you help him tie the man's hands and feet together, restraining him. And then Murphy drags over a chair, and the two of you lift the man's unconscious body into it before using more cords to secure him to the chair. Once you're done, you move away from the man, hopping up onto the counter to watch from there. Murphy circles him like a hawk, waiting for him to wake up, and finally Baylis groans, indicating that he’s coming to. It takes him a few seconds to gather his bearings and remember where he is, but as soon as he does, he starts to wiggle in the chair, trying to loosen his restraints. He does that for a few minutes, unsuccessfully, and when he realizes your bonds are too strong, he resorts to begging. “I only came here for the food, things I can trade. I scavenge so my family can eat. Please.”

Murphy laughs, not buying it. “That's it, find the right angle. I'll help you out. I love someone who was beaten and tortured by a man who thought he could control her.” 

Your eyes widen, understanding that he means Emori. You feel a rush of hatred for the man and what he did to her, reminding you of what Shumway did to you.

“I'm not that man. You can torture me all you want, and that won't change the fact-”

He is once again cut off by a blow from Emori, who has appeared seemingly out of nowhere, now cleaned and stitched up. “For my brother.”

She hits him again, “For me!”

She lifts her hand again ready for another blow, but Clarke yells out, “Wait.”

Emori spins towards her, looking absolutely livid. “What?”

“You'll kill him.”

“That's the idea.”

Murphy steps up in defense of his girlfriend. “Why don't you stay out of it and let her have this, Clarke?”

Clarke turns to look at you, her expression serious, before she turns back to Emori. “What if his death could save us all?”

Emori freezes, immediately looking confused. “What do you mean?”

“Without a way to go to space to make Nightblood, there's a chance we could make it out of Luna’s bone marrow. But the only way we’d know if it worked, is if we exposed him to the same amount of radiation that the death wave will bring. If he lives, and we know it worked, you can still have the final kill.”

“And if it fails?”

“He’ll die from radiation.”

Emori seems to consider this, looking to Murphy for guidance, who gives her a slight nod. Emori turns back to Clarke, giving her stamp of approval. “Looks like you got yourself a test subject.”

-

With Emori’s agreement to Clarke’s suggestion, she radioes over to the lab and shares the message. A few minutes later, Miller and Roan come to the house for Baylis, knocking him out to make the transport easier. You all follow them back to the lab, watching on as your mother starts to prepare him for experimentation. When she sees Baylis brought in, you see a flash of opposition cross her face, before she seems to quickly tuck it away in favor of a more neutral expression. When she sees you walk in, she nods towards the glass office on the second floor. “Kane is on the radio and he’s asking for you.”

Your brows pull together, wondering why, but you don't ask, just head up the stairs and into the office, plopping down at the desk and reaching for the radio. “Kane, do you read me?”

Kane’s voice comes through a second later, sounding tired. “I read you.”

“My mom said you asked for me?”

“The black rain's here, and it's worse than we thought. It burns on contact...it kills.” You hear him sigh, before continuing, “We were outside when it started, had teams outside the wall scavenging for supplies. Some got stuck, straight out in the open, no cover, no help. Two of them, Mark and his son Peter, asked to be rescued. Bellamy went after them in a broken suit, tried to get to them, but failed. The rover got stuck, and with the bad suit, he has no way to get the rover free again. He’s taking it pretty hard, and I tried to help, but I think I just made things worse. I was hoping you’d talk to him, make sure he doesn’t do anything stupid.”

“Of course. What channel?”

“Four.”

“Copy that. Switching over.”

You fiddle with the radio, switching it to channel four, before asking, “Bellamy? Are you there, can you hear me?”

His voice comes through a second later, whispering your name, his tone a cross between relief and sadness. “Did Kane call you? Because I’m fine.”

But you can hear the emotion in his voice as he tries to convince you, unsuccessfully, that he’s fine. You push past his insistence and ask, “What happened, Bellamy?”

The radio clicks on, and you hear the sound of the rain hitting the roof of the rover, followed by the rumble of thunder. And underneath all that, you hear a quiet sob, choked and broken. “Do you remember Peter? He was part of the 100.”

“I think you were closer to him than I was, but yes I remember him.”

“Him and his dad got caught in the black rain. It’s coming down pretty hard, and it burns the second it touches your skin. They went for shelter the best they could, but it wasn't much. I grabbed a suit and tried to get to them, but the suit was damaged in the fire, cracked in a million different places. It was useless. Then the rover got stuck along the way, and without the suit, I won't survive the trip outside to get it unstuck.”

He takes in a shaky breath, and you know the next part is going to be hard to hear. “When I radioed Mark to tell him I couldn't make it, he lost it. Reminding me that I promised I’d come save them, and now I’m going back on that and killing them both. He stayed on the radio for a long time, and I could…”

Another sob breaks free from his chest, and tears spring to your eyes, hating how broken he sounds. You wish you were there with him, wrapping your arms around him, comforting him the way he comforted you. “I could hear them dying. The radio must have cut out after that, or he was too weak to press the button, because it’s been silent ever since.”

“Bellamy, I know you’re hurting, but this isn't your fault.”

“Mark’s right. I made them a promise and I went back on that. It’s my fault they're dead, because I failed to save them.”

“You didn't know the black rain was coming. You can't control the suit being broken or the rover getting stuck. This is not your fault.”

“Octavia left, did Kane tell you that?”

“No, he didn’t.”

He sighs, and you can hear another rumble of thunder in the background. “She was gone before I even made it back. My sister, my responsibility, and I failed to protect her too. I always fail. I’ve failed you, my sister, our people. I can't save anyone.”

“Do you know how many times you’ve saved my life? And what about all of the delinquents you saved before the Ark came down? What about our friends in Mount Weather? Clarke in Polis? You protected her so she could shut down the City of Light, which saved all of us from Alie. She couldn't have done that without your protection.”

He’s quiet, considering your words, and you add, “I know that every life we fail to save hurts us more than some of the lives we’ve taken. You’ve made mistakes, Bellamy, but this isn't one of them. You did everything you could to save Mark and Peter, and sometimes that’s all we can do, because these things lie in the lap of the gods. We can be prepared for every outcome, every scenario, and still fail. Learn from this, save who you can save today, but don't let this tear you apart. I still need you, and so does Octavia, Kane, our people. This fight isn't over yet.”

You can tell he takes your words to heart, as his sobs finally start to quiet. He’s silent for a few moments before he whispers, “I wish you were here with me.”

“I wish I was too.”

“Tell me about the stars, please.”

His voice breaks on the last word, and you think of which constellation to share with him today. “There’s a constellation in the sky called Lyra, the lyre. The lyre belonged to Orpheus, who played music so beautiful that the animals would listen, and people would stop whatever they were doing just to hear him play. He played most of these songs for his wife, Eurydice, whom he loved very much. One day, Eurydice died suddenly, and it broke Orpheus’ heart. He was determined to win her back from Hades, unable to live life without his love, and he set out on a journey to the Underworld. On his way down, he played his harp, and when he reached Hades he found that the god greatly enjoyed his music. Orpheus stopped playing, and Hades asked him to continue. Orpheus agreed on the condition that when he stopped playing for good, his wife would be returned to him. Hades accepted this condition, and Orpheus began to play again. When he was done, Hades informed Orpheus that he too had a condition, which is that Orpheus must leave the Underworld playing his harp, and he must trust that Hades has honored their agreement. Orpheus is not to turn around or look back to see if Eurydice is following. If he doubted and looked back, Eurydice would be taken back to the Underworld. Orpheus agreed to the conditions and played his music as he left, pleased that he could hear Eurydice’s footsteps behind him the entire time. Until Hades tried to test the young lover. He guided their return to the surface through a pine grove, which silenced Eurydice's footsteps. Orpheus endured the quiet as long as he could, until he no longer believed his wife was with him, and turned to look back, just in time to see her fade away. Orpheus returned to the surface alone and brokenhearted, and when he eventually died, Zeus put his lyre in the sky to commemorate their love.”

“I would go to the underworld to save you.”

You smile, knowing that he means it. Bellamy has already proven to you time and time again that he’s willing to go through hell just to save you. Your answer to him serves as a double meaning, one you hope he’ll take to heart. “Just as long as you don't look back.”

-

next chapter

[rametarin]

I didn’t want to reblog another long post, so I’ll just say my own thing here.

Gatekeeping fandom is good, ackshully.

Especially since we have a certain pattern of person, call them, “SJWs” if you want, that deliberately creep into a fandom with their values and shamelessly, deliberately, use it as a platform. They CONSCIOUSLY do this. They DELIBERATELY do this.

And then they have the audacity to see false positives and imagine dog whistles everywhere of things outside THEIR orthodoxy in the fandom being -isms, or -gnies. Accusing the people already there of being “out of date” and “toxic”, when it’s neither toxic nor uninclusive- it just isn’t rearranging itself to accommodate Intersectional Feminism or giving Intersectional Feminists voluntary control over everything from how something works to how it’s defined.

That to them is tantamount to being Nazis. And that’s kind of how you can tell they’re the same sort of daft, disingenuous fucks that wrap up socialist or ancom shit in supposed social progress. And if they could they’re reshape EVERYTHING to match their sensibilities, because their sensibilities are, “our way or you die.”

If you spend enough time peeking through academic papers and colleges you even learn there’s a thing many of them do. Which is, “Queering,” characters on purpose, to make them unpalatable or untouchable to cis/het people. That’s culturally like raising a flag on something to annex it and landgrab it.

And if you say, “hands off, this character isn’t gay?” They pivot and declare you’re just a homophobe whom is afraid of change, tell other people that and then talk in the broad bruckstroke about, “society is really so homophobic/afraid of new ideas. :c”

These people don’t even want to be part of that fandom for the sake of being in the fandom. They just want it because they want the fandom to perpetuate their values and parrot their beliefs and spread it to everybody else that wants to participate in that fandom. Do you like this popular thing? Okay, you can have popular thing, but only if you hug this Courtney Love doll and buy it and pet it and love it as part of the package deal!

And as part and parcel of the demanding to not just define the fundamentals and parameters of a fandom, they also demand to reinterpret the history of said fandom based on how out of orthodoxy to their values they find it to their own beliefs. So, was the hobby primarily done by white men in the past? Then naturally they’ll automatically paint it with a broad brush and say, “this hobby was very unwelcoming to non-whites and women in the past because of icky homophobic and misogynistic men!” Regardless of how many authors were beloved by the fandom that were female, regardless of how many women were equal fandom members before- they weren’t the Intersectional Feminist types of fans, so clearly they were “closer to the Daughters of the Confederacy than real people,” right? That’s how that works, apparently.

So yes. We had a taste of this in the 90s, but the feminists/radfems at the time weren’t trying to infiltrate the fandom and take it over to be about feminism. They were shaming boys and other girls for liking the big booby comic book girls as sexist and objectification and trying to get comic fans to abandon comics in order to pressure the companies economically into changing.

“These comics are written and drawn by MEN! MAAAAALE GAAAAAAAAAZE!!! Sexualized girls are only okay when WOMEN are drawing them and writing them for the authenticity!” And there were not many women that either liked comic books or wanted to BE in them, so they’d maintain that impossible standard to try and coerce the boys to FIND women for the sake of having a woman on staff, just to assauge their, “icky boys aren’t allowed to do this without me declaring it wrong” qualm.

And true to form for Progressives, give an inch and within a short period of time they just want more, and declare what was offered before was just to mollify or patronize them. “Oh so women can tidy up and do the low work. Why no female CEOs in the company yet? Why not Editor in Chief?”

But the way the Intersectionals do it is new. Rather than just stay outside the fandom because “yuck it offends my sensibilities, it shouldn’t exist,” they try and appropriate the fandom and then contribute rules and policies for it.

We saw this in the years leading up to Gamergate. The Subverters infiltrated video game journos, got incestuous and buddy-buddy with both Triple A industry people and independent game creators and traded favors, financial, sexual and other, for good reviews. Folks like Anita Sarkesian trying to make a name for themselves by already being insiders and getting plugged by the conspirators to LOOK like she was anything more than a plant for that cause, using other peoples video game playing footage in her critique videos, styling herself a holistic “girl gamer” and waxing poetic about “those awful neckbearded dudebros questioning my gamer cred! Tch!”

And so that romantic boogyman became a thing that they perpetuated. “The gatekeeping, woman hating, manbaby Gamer.” Where they then added in racism and male chauvinism and traditionalism and transphobia because you know you can’t just leave it at “misogynist.” Not, “in this society.”

Gamers protesting and demanding that game journalist magazines state their relationships to the creators for full disclosure got them retaliating asymmetrically, though. The FBI investigated all those, “threatening and trolling social media messages” that supposedly got Zoe Quinn and Sarkesian to leave their houses, “for fear of an attack,” and they got nothing. A few of them were caught doxxing themselves on purpose on 4chan. Quinn herself being part of the SomethingAwful’s Crash Override forums, where they’d do shit like this to troll and harass people for fun. They KNOW how to false flag and make it look like a bunch of angry dudebros did it.

Statistically the number of harassing egg names was far lower than the messages either girl received that was NOT harassment or threats, merely replies they didn’t agree with or didn’t appreciate. And yet they still ran around screaming about “all those misogynistic dudebro gamers” that were “harassing and doxing them.” And that boogyman became the party line. That Gaming and Gamers were full of toxic, misogynistic, racist manbabies SOooOoOooOO intimidated by, “women finally in what they feel are THEIR spaces,” that they’d try to run them out.

That’s how they interpreted it and that’s how the history books they write will repeat it.

They try and make a great big public show about “entering this toxic space” to flip it and civilize it, but what they’re really trying to do is officially own it. As a fandom, as a space and as a culture. And that entails being able to say what goes, what’s acceptable and what’s not, and set the tone and culture for that space. Meaning, to be able to gatekeep the product.

Rather than just decry the product, they decide they’re just going to mutate the product by slow assimilation, until the product doesn’t even resemble the original product anymore. They do this shit with comic books, videogames, and now they’re working on doing it to beloeved novels and their fandoms. It’s like forcibly marrying them to terrible people, so you can never have a fandom WITHOUT those people in your space trying to insist their interpretations of things are original canon, ever again.

And the sickest part is, these people DO NOT stop at fiction. That’s why this shit is called Cultural Marxism. Because it’s not much different from the way communists and socialist guerillas act and operate when it comes to land, resources and industry. They take over public spaces and forums and use a combination of instittional corruption, terrorism and violence and vandalism in order to destroy or silence competition.

They’ve even infiltrated the Linux community and taken over most of that, via Linus Torvalds’ daughter. You can’t have ANYTHING around these people, because they just sit and wait and conspire to come in and make even a simple community mural to revolve around whatever social issue and specifically their philosophy’s take on it being THE only valid take on it that everybody else must now interact with, good or bad, but they can’t ignore it anymore.

This is, also, partially why they hate it when fandoms are gatekept by singularly powerful individuals. Like say, authors of their own works. They don’t like singular owners of enterprise and property, because it prevents the mob from taking them and then dictating TO the creator, “this is the PEOPLES property now. WE decide, as the most powerful clique, what is true and real with it and what isn’t.”

Because like what happened with Frank Oz of Jim Henson Studios. An activist gay writer declared that Bert and Ernie’s relationship was “canon gay,” because he wrote them as canon gay lovers. There was a great big information cascade as all these affiliated journo companies published articles about how “happy they were to see Sesame Street and the Children’s Television Workshop as representing LGBT people in public!”

Frank Oz spoke up, set the record straight, “These characters were made by me and a friend and were meant to depict a platonic male-male relationship. They aren’t gay but I’m glad you could identify with them.”

That poor old man caught so much shit. They called him a homophobe, said he was, “stealing Bert and Ernie from them,” that he should just shut up and “let people have this.”

No. Fucking no. These people are fucking conspirators, believe wholly in dominating and taking shit over by moving their people into a thing until they have the warm bodies and the institutional authority to crowd out oppositional voices, then have the audacity to SCREEEAAAAAAM bloody murder about the dangers of anybody else organizing to contest them because, “The Nazis are gathering to attack us poor innocent minorities!!” Counting on the ignorance and unsuspecting nature of people to not know such a thing is fake or the totality of the situation.

That’s why they’ll keep this shit on the downlow and call anybody that accuses them of doing shit like this a liar or a tinfoil hat wearing conspiracy theorist. Demanding evidence, in bad faith, knowing there’s little to no way to PROVE any of this UNTIL they’ve done it, and then declaring you to be invalid since you can’t prove the conspiracy.

Because if you can’t prove it with evidence, they’ll simply say you’re a Nazi trying to smear “good people.”

[jayjaysocks]

Listing my favorite animes (because I’m jumping on the bandwagon)

❗️⚠️ *spoilers!! (Duh)* ❗️⚠️

5. Deadman Wonderland

I was really really sad when I found out this anime got cancelled. The music was fantastic, the animation was really good, and the voice acting was incredible. Even the fucking dubbed version (I loved the voice they chose for Senji. God he was hilarious). I binged this show so fucking fast it wasn’t even funny. I loved watching the characters go through their own struggles and grow as people in the very small amount of episodes provided. There was a lot of development within the snippet that we actually saw, and I was thoroughly impressed with how well it was done. I wanted to scream or something when I found out there wouldn’t be a second season.

Sigh. Oh well. At least we got some of the manga’s masterpiece translated into a show, even if we were missing some fucking awesome characters.

4. Guilty Crown

Ugh, don’t even get me started. This anime was beautiful and I got so invested so freaking quickly. I literally go back every few years to rewatch it because I get ship starved.

Shu and Inori’s story was so beautifully done; between Shu uncovering his courage and Inori’s journey of self-discovery, I was continuously awe-struck and filled with feelings—I mean, I had never felt such raw emotion while watching something and I was completely blown away by the affect it had on me. Anger, hatred, sadness, it was all there (even for the main character lmao) and it was one of the first times I had ever felt a ship so heavily that I literally cried at the end. It was one of the very first Animes I’d ever seen and was one of the reasons I got such a taste for them. Thanks for throwing me down that rabbit hole, GC.

3. Soul Eater

This was literally the first Anime I’d ever seen, and my god I couldn’t have asked for a better starter. What I like about this one is that it’s style is so unique and different. It’s very punk and grunge, something I admired and appreciated in a genre that is normally the opposite (like Guilty Crown, for example). Also the fight scenes were badass, like holy shit just look at that gif ??? Freaking amazing.

I loved the way the show transitioned from light hearted to intense and adrenaline pumping so effortlessly. That can be said about a lot of shows, but this one went from *haha cute show* to *holy shit, like they’re actually gonna die ohmygod howaretheygoingtosurvivethis* so smoothly I was genuinely surprised. They made one of the main villains actually cool and each character had their own beautifully done arc. I loved and adored how the show solidified and expanded on the different friendships/relationships that were involved—specifically Soul and Maka’s (also, holy shit, Stein’s arc? Fucking prime, dude). There was a lot of growth in each and every friendship (CRONA!!!), and that really pushed the viewer to invest in the individual characters.

I am fucking delighted that this was my first anime, and (though the ending was a little anticlimactic) it remains one of my top favorites to this day. It set the bar pretty fucking high, and for that I am extremely greatful.

No one asked for Soul Eater: Not! It is the unspoken sin of the Soul Eater world (then again, it is called Soul Eater: Not!)

2. Fullmetal Alchemist: Brotherhood

If you have been following me for a while, then you are no stranger to my love of FMAB. Some of my most popular posts are about this anime, and for good reason.

Unfortunately, I was late to the party. I actually didn’t watch this until last year, but got invested really damn quick. I have a tendency to be extremely picky about the animes that I watch/like (which is why NONE of these shows are that recent), to the point that I will literally research them before I start watching (a bad habit, do not copy me). I have an incomparably hard time finishing a show when I start, because I get bored really quickly, but this was an exception. I started watching and I just... didn’t stop. I spent a straight week watching FMAB, gobbling it up during any small amount free time I could manage, and finished it before I even knew what happened. I wasn’t picky about it, I didn’t research it, I just dove right in and gosh, I was not disappointed.

The subtle romance that was alluded throughout the entire show was super cute, the devotion the brothers had for each other was to die for, and the struggles that each person went through was more than moving. I never once found myself bored while watching, and that’s saying a lot for my adhd ass. I was invested in each and every second of that damn anime and I was never, ever left underwhelmed. That probably had to do with the fact that every. Single. Character. Had a purpose. I’m not even kidding. Every single person contributed to the big fight at the end and that alone is fucking fantastic.

Not to mention ALL the women, every female character, was a badass bitch. None of them were reduced to sex appeal or romantic subplot, they all had real feelings, real arcs and real, unadulterated badassery that I thoroughly admired and appreciated. I could watch this anime over and over again every single month and I wouldn’t get bored. Between the emotional struggle, self discovery, and personal development of each character, I promise you will not see a lack of plot or meaning here. The more you watch, the more you discover and that is not a lie. There are so many layers to its story, which only makes me wish I had watched this sooner.

There is nothing I have to offer in the ways of criticism, and for that I couldn’t be happier. Thank you, Hiromu Arakawa, for such an incredible piece of art. You deserve every bit of love that this manga/anime gets. You go girl.

1. Cowboy Bepop

Holy shit holy shit holy shit this anime is so fucking good and it has been my favorite for so damn long. I have been watching anime for years, and while some of the shows in my list have moved around, this one has yet to be bumped down from the top (and I doubt it ever will). There’s a reason it became such a cult classic.

For starters, the animation. I mean, just look at Spike and the way they animate his fighting (yes I am aware that this gif is from the movie, but that still doesn’t change my point). The sequences in the show/film have been reused in many other shows and for good reason. It’s good, incredible, actually and they make him look so badass with just a few hand movements. I was consistently impressed with the way the fight scenes were portrayed and wasn’t ever left underwhelmed or disappointed (or, for that matter, feeling like they completely over exaggerated/overcompensated the scene with huge close-ups and tons of debris and lights). I loved watching this and my heart was always pounding with every intense interaction. I didn’t feel bored during any of the episodes and always found myself laughing when they cracked a joke—pretty much all of their funny lines hit and that’s saying something, dude.

The show, while having a lighthearted surface, has a heavy meaning that you don’t see at first glance. It’s about dealing with grief and loss, and how the characters themselves accomplished that in different ways. The most prominent quote is the biggest indication of its moral “you’re gonna carry that weight”. Basically: ‘You’ve gotta pick up your baggage, because the world moves on, with or without you’. Or ‘You’re going to carry that weight whether you like it or not, because life keeps going’. When I figured out the show’s actual message, while staring at my ceiling in the long hours of the night, I almost cried. This realization brought something entirely different to the table, a new understanding of the show’s characters and overall essence.

The main characters, all of them, had depth. They had real, palpable depth, and even if you didn’t want to care you found yourself seriously interested in their lives. Each of them had relatively shitty pasts. Faye with her lost memories, Spike with Julia and the people who fucked him over, Jet with his old flame and the ISSP, Ed and her/his father... throughout the entire show we got to see how all of them dealt with these things, whether they wanted to continue on with life or not. The way they portrayed it was engaging, because the characters individual, contrasting journeys weren’t repetitive or one note. The beauty that the show holds so achinging close to its core, the layers of grief that the characters are wrapped in so delicately is almost suffocatingly real—because they’re all different. It’s something you discover when you think on the subject in a deeper light, which is another reason why I enjoy it so much. It has both a surface story and a deeper one. You can either take the show at face value or choose to understand the underlying moral.

This show inspired my very first, thoroughly fleshed out OC, and continues to inspire me to this day. It has contributed to my own personal growth, and has helped push me to continue my art and writing. It is beautifully written, beautifully executed and even though some of the episodes seem like filler, it has never disappointed me. I rewatch it all the time because there’s something so infinitely refreshing about the beauty of this anime, whether it be the way we watch the characters develop or the overall moral it portrays. This show has given us a message that is essentially timeless, it can be ‘carried’ through generation after generation, and still have the same impact—something I absolutely fucking adore.

I owe so much to this anime, including my very own artistic development. I discovered it during a really shitty time in my life and I couldn’t have asked for better timing. I will never tire of the bittersweet message or the thoroughly fucking fantastic animation. Everyone who contributed to this masterpiece deserves love, because it’s seriously fucking gold.

[artfully-charming]

Bling Empire Review

I know I’m like a month late writing this case study, but I didn’t have the time when I first finished the series. Anyway, I have some thoughts while watching the show, which I think are interesting discussion points. This post is long, so if any of you actually reads the whole thing, kudos to you!

1. Apparently rich, gaudy (East) Asians is the current Asian stereotype in US (Western?) media

If you truly know, most super rich Asians don’t show off their wealth the way these people do. Hell, if anything, many of them try to hide it as much as possible, especially the older generations. It’s mind-boggling to me sometimes that this is the only view that some people may have of rich Asians or Asians in general for that matter. These people are a very small subset of the much bigger rich Asian population and the reason why this is now what people know is because of their often times embarrassing antics and ostentatious display of wealth. Sure it sells, but I think it partially also contributes to the recent steep increase of attacks against Asians around the western world, along with so many other reasons. I’m of the opinion that shows like these are in no way helpful to anyone who’s watching; if anything, I think it’s quite harmful. When a minority is painted as a singular stereotype, it’s always harmful.

2. Kevin relies on his good looks alone

We all know that Kevin doesn’t have that much going on above (or at least that’s what he wants us to think of him, so he almost fully relies on his good looks. I guess his naïveté of the upper class world helps him become the new toy and the person to shower with gifts, but I’m not sure that people would’ve warmed up to him that much if he wasn’t good looking. Idk, I get weird vibes from him and I think he’s way more complex than what he’s letting on.

3. Cherie proposing

Not going to beat a dead horse, the whole thing is embarrassing for everyone involved. No one would admit it, but it’s YIKES.

4. Jamie just being there

The only reason I’m writing about her is that a friend of mine said Jamie’s personality reminded me of her. Now that I’ve watched the show, I’m quite offended lol she got no personality

5. Plastic surgery nightmare

You’d think with the supposed wealth of these people, they would’ve gone to either better surgeons or make their surgeries look better because they currently all look like the characters in the recent Cats movie.

5. Anna vs Christine

I’m not a fan of Christine per se, but their rivalry is a classic example of born into wealth vs marrying into wealth. Christine tries very hard to be queen bee, to be accepted in the circle that she married into, and she uses her money and every other mean necessary to get to where she wants. She craves validation from Anna in her core, because Anna is this larger-than-life, born-into-wealth princess. She wants to prove that she’s as rich as Anna and can do anything Anna can do, but I think she’ll never truly be there because she’s desperate. Having said this, regardless of what one may think of her, the story about how she lost contact with her parents and how she married into the Chius family shows enough determination and discipline on her end. I think she sort of had a rough life, and she now wants to proclaim to the rest of the world that she’s made it. She’s far from perfect, but I can appreciate her hustle.

As for Anna, her being born rich makes her think that she’ll always be better than Christine. I appreciate her wisdom and for the most part I think she’s a good person, but she’s just as petty as Christine methinks. She’s older than almost everyone else, and I think she’s mostly bored with nothing to do, hence her getting into these “fights” with Christine. I think she never had a financial hardship since she was bored, so she seems like a trust-fund kid still after all these years. Her life revolves around spending money for the sake of spending money, and I’m not sure how much she still enjoys the things and experiences she’s bought.

6. Anna with Kevin and Florent (is that his name?!)

I think their relationship shows how when you’re new blood in this type of circle and you’re fun, these people will have no problem showering you with gifts because they have the money and what else will they do with their money?! Anna is generally generous, and she enjoys seeing her money being used to spoil those around her that she likes. Florent as her French gay best friend truly enjoys all the finer things in life in exchange of his loyalty and companionship. Many of these people are lonely, and if you’re not a user and you’re open to listening to them and accompanying them, I think they’re happy to not only spoil you but also to open doors for you. It’s important to get these people to like you and trust you and to hopefully never cross their line.

7. Christine with her in-laws

Sure she married rich, but do y'all see how hard that marriage is? I recently commented on a post by @call-me-your-ala that talks about why some still erroneously think white men are still the only high value rich men and I mentioned that many Asian men are rich rich. But their families are extremely difficult to penetrate and please. Even once you get in, you’re held to an impossible standard and you still need to do many awful things to be the perfect daughter-in-law. Honestly, Christine’s story of how she took the blame for her husband is quite heartbreaking. She was blamed all those years for not being able to bear a child, a son specifically. That’s happening in the 21st century!! And I’m sure this isn’t just in Asian families. Marrying rich has its price too, and I hope each one of us realizes the trade-offs and don’t think everything is just roses all the time. 

If anyone actually reads this, I’m curious what you think of the show. I can’t fully talk with my friends from a hypergamous standpoint, so y'all ladies are my only hope lol